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wonderlandwalker · 4 months

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Remember | Finnick Odair x Reader

THG Masterlist / Taglist / Inbox

Summary: The capitol has taken you from him, but he won't let them keep you. You can find pt. 2 here!

Content Warnings/Tags: Violence, bullet wounds, major character injury, blood, needles, angst, fluff, no use of y/n

Word Count: 4.0k

Requested by Anon: omg I love your writing and I have an unhealthy addiction to reading angst so could you please write something about the reader being with peeta and Johanna when they where taken by the capital and her being with finnick and recovering while she’s in district 13? 🫶🫶

A/N: The way I smiled when I saw this request I swear. This one has been in the works for a little while and I thought it fit perfectly. It is angst you ask for and it is angst you shall get. I'm considering writing a part two but I'm not sure how to yet. My bad habit of not proofreading happened again and with this one especially it was way too long so if I made any major errors pls do let me know.

The Capitol.

You are currently in the Capitol.

At least that’s where you think you are. You remember being in the arena, you remember running towards the general direction you last saw Finnick, remembering the marks you had gone by in case you had to take a different route. You remember seeing Finnick's face through the plantation, you’d be able to recall those features anywhere. You remember something hitting you from behind and falling to the ground, too caught up in catching up with him to check your surroundings. You remember crying out in pain, hoping he’d hear you. But the next thing you remember is the vision of him slowly going out of focus and losing consciousness not long after.

At least that's what you think happened.

At least you can still remember, that’s worth something right? You remember your past, and you remember the reaping that led to the arena. The flood of relief that went over you as you finally found your way back to him. You don’t know what happened to Finnick, he was there too after all, but you had needed to split up early. Maybe he had been caught off guard too. Maybe he escaped. Maybe they never even found him. Maybe with him being the idiot he could be, he was probably already on his way here, looking for you. Just like you would have done for him, and he would have called you an idiot then too.

You would get out of here one way or another, that much you knew, but you needed to remember more, you needed to remember the last look on his face, you hadn't had much time to take it in, but you remembered the furrow of his eyebrows, the same expression he always had when he was trying to concentrate, you needed to remember that.

You knew that once you did get out of here, Finnick would be furious, telling you that you had been reckless, that you shouldn't have let your guard down, shortly after telling you how worried he had been. And it would feel like coming home.

Your mind becomes hazier, and it is harder to remember. You feel your head throbbing, and you move your hand towards it until you feel it can move no further. You open your eyes slowly, trying to adjust to the bright light that covers the room. You can't see much, can't move your head much.

You remember the rendezvous point you had talked about. You remember the quick “don't get yourself in trouble” and the kiss he gave you right before you parted ways.

You remember the layers of plants and trees you moved through, seeing some of them cut down, letting you know someone else had been there

But you know there is more, more that you missed. The stomped-out ashes that you ran past, you know you should have paid closer attention. But you can’t remember

You need to remember what happened. How you got here. Who got you here. If you really are in the capitol. But your mind doesn't want to cooperate anymore. The room is getting darker and darker, even though the lamp above your head is still dutifully buzzing

You wake up, you still remember where you are, or at least where you think you are. You still remember yesterday, was it yesterday? Why couldn't they just hang a clock in here?

You look up, and you see a device set up, not too far from where you're lying down. You try to get a better look but the light above your head is too blinding to see anything else in the room. You don’t fully understand it until a man walks into the room with a video camera in his hand and an expression on his face that seems just a tad too happy.

The camera starts blinking a red light, signalling you that it has started recording. The man has a sort of laser that he presses into your lower stomach, it doesn't breach your skin but it hurts like it does. It takes all your energy not to show him the satisfaction of it.

“Come on now darling, work with me a little.” He says after a while, changing the setting on the laser. The last bit of your energy is gone, and you can't keep the screaming from escaping any longer. It echoes off the white walls around you and when you hear yourself, you barely even recognize it. He seems satisfied with the result and finally puts the laser down. You look down but don't see any burn marks or indication of what has just happened.

He comes closer and you can see he is holding a sort of crowbar, but you're not sure why. You remember how you always left one outside your window in the districts, in case the wind had shut it and you needed to sneak back in. You remember Finnick finding out, giving you a serious, disappointed look, but not telling you to stop.

Before you can think of anything else, the bar hits you with full force, right above the spot he was previously focused on. You didn't expect it, and it knocks the little breath you had left out of your lungs. He hits again, not in the same spot, but close, he is very clearly aiming for your ribs. The switching between high-tech and old-school weapons has you puzzled, but you can't deny the result either of them has.

After a while, he stops, and with the added difficulty and pain that now comes with breathing, you are more than certain he just bruised a few of your ribs.

He walks back, taking the camera in his hands. He aims it at your face and you close your eyes to try and collect yourself as much as your current state allows. Your hair is a tangled mess and you are rather certain there is blood smushed over your face from the cuts you got in the arena.

“Smile for the camera sweetheart.” He asks, even though it sounds more like an order than a request. You open your eyes to look at him. He is so close, and you want to drive your thumbs so far into his eye sockets you can feel the front lobe of his brain, if he even has one. But you can't do anything, no matter how much you want to fight, you are powerless here. You close your eyes again, trying to block everything out and remember.

You remember District Four, the way the light summer breeze would always carry the smell of the beach to your house, no matter how hard you had it, it always livened you up. You remember the first time Finnick tried to teach you how to surf, being so gentle with you no matter how many times you fell off it, always there to catch you again. You remember your last birthday, well, the day after, but you couldn't even complain about that. He had picked you up from your place and brought you to one of the lakes with him. He told you the story of one of his birthdays when he was younger, along with all the embarrassing details, but of course, it only endeared him further to you. You told him about the presents you got and all the people who came to wish you a happy birthday. You told him everything you could remember. You remember last seeing his face, maybe it was the last time you will have ever seen it. No. No, you remember it, but you’ll see it again, you have to.

“I’ll make sure your loverboy gets to see this, wherever he is, wouldn't want him to miss out on the fun.”

Finn. Finnick. You remember Finnick. You remember when you returned from your first games. The black eye and broken arm you came home with. You remember how he lost it when they didn't immediately treat you for it. He would now either throw a fit over it for everyone to see or be so stoic in his thoughts even Johanna would get a little concerned.

You see the man standing up, walking to the table, and picking up something new. A syringe, it's a syringe. He walks over and pushes it into your upper arm, and before you know it, your vision turns black again.

You remember waking up to gunshots, and you panic. But after a few seconds, you figure out they’re not near you. There is, however, someone in the room with you, it's the same man again. He looks a little panicked, but you can’t figure out why just yet. The gunshots are becoming louder, and closer, and he seems more startled now. His arms drop to his sides from what he was doing and his eyes widen. Screams are echoing and you can hear footsteps.

You remember that pattern of paddling feet, and you recognize the second pair of steps too, but you can't remember much else.

The man gets closer to you, placing his hand over your mouth, pulling out a gun with his free hand and telling you to stay quiet. You never understood why people say that, it means he has something to lose, and you want to scream out, but your voice doesn't remember how to.

It's even closer now, right outside the door, and you can hear talking. You remember his voice. How he always asked you so sweetly how your day had been, the way he whispered sweet nothings in your ear as you fell asleep.

You hear the door jiggle, and it makes you want to scream out for him, but your sore throat won't let you. For a moment you think that is it, you had your chance, and you let it go by. He’ll move along the hallway to the other doors and leave you here. But then you hear another gunshot, and they must have shot the lock, because right after you hear someone running into the door with an echoing thump as it breaks open.

The man next to you had his gun pointed at the door, and he changes it to point at you instead.

You were right, by the gods you had never been so thankful to have been right. Finnick walks in, and you can see the colour drain from his face as he does so.

The man standing next to you is starting to get nervous, you can see the sweat starting to drip down his face. He must realize he has been matched, because there are more people by Finnicks side. But the man still has his gun pointed at you, and this isn't over just yet.

You can't keep your eyes open anymore, and when you close them, you remember. You remember your first kiss with Finnick, how nervous he had been at the time. He had been shaking a little and told you he was embarrassed by how much you got to him, but it only endeared him further to you. He yells at the man to let go of the gun, he sounds nervous again.

But he doesn't let go, he decides to shoot.

You hear the bullet leaving the gun, and for a single moment, you think it's over. The last thing you’ll ever see is Finnick, but he’s not himself. He’s upset, and even though you know he’s not upset with you, it still tugs at you. Except when you feel the bullet piercing through your skin, that's exactly what you realise. You can still feel it. He didn't shoot you right in the heart, he didn't shoot towards your head, he shot you in the abdomen. You’re not sure why, not sure why he didn't kill you, but you will never know, because not even a second passes as you hear a second gunshot, and he falls to the floor.

You can't seem to remember how to open your eyes, but you can hear Finnick rushing over and right as he reaches you, you fall. You fall into his arms and the memory of it gives you hope. Something comes in contact with your stomach, and the agony of it makes you want to scream out. You can feel him lifting you, and the shift of your body makes the bullet move, making you want to scream again. And if you remembered how to, you would have.

You know he’s talking to someone, but it sounds more like buzzing to you. You can only make out certain parts of the conversation, something about needing to leave, something about infections, and something about an aircraft.

You can hear him talking again, and this time it’s directed at you. There’s a strain in his voice, and it sounds like he’s crying. It makes you want to comfort him, but you don’t remember how to.

“Please darling, just open your eyes."

But you’re afraid, youre afraid that if you open them, everything will turn out to be nothing but a dream, and he won’t be here anymore. But even if this is a dream, you need to see him. Even if it will turn into a haunted memory, you need to see his eyes looking back at you. It takes you some effort, but you open your eyes, looking at him. You can see tears flooding his face, you can see his lips moving, silent pleas coming from them for you to stay awake. He’s telling you how good of a job you’re doing, he's telling you to hold on. He promises that he won’t let anything bad happen to you ever again and that he won’t let go of you anymore.

You remember how he cried when you were reaped for the 75th games, and how you had told him everything would be okay, how you had comforted him, but you don't have the energy to comfort him this time. You remember hearing his sobbing, his shaking voice when you close your eyes again, not being able to keep them open any longer, even if you wanted to.

You wake up again, and for a moment you think it had indeed all been a dream, that you were right back where you had started, But then you remember the bullet in your stomach. You look down and see a bandage over it, even though it’s already soaked in blood. They must have taken it out.

You try and concentrate, and you can hear Finnick talking to someone. “Just tell me, I know it’s bad but I need to know.” “Finnick, it won’t make a difference.” The person he’s talking to sounds desperate, and you remember how stubborn he could be when it came to you.

But you don’t remember more, because your head starts to feel light again and you give in to the feeling.

When you wake up again, you manage to open your eyes, and you can see someone sitting in a chair next to the bed you're in. He’s slumped over, his face half pressed into the mattress and half into your stomach, both of his hands are holding onto one of yours. It hurts a little, but you don't mind, because it reminds you, even when you look away, that he is still there. You remember the way he always softly snores, and the way he wiggles his nose when your hair falls over it.

You think you're connected to a monitor, because something is beeping in the same rhythm you can feel your heart beating, and it gives you a headache. So you close your eyes again, and once again, you give in to the feeling of sleep that looms over you.

Since you had been brought to District 13, he has barely left your side. He keeps putting cold washcloths on your forehead to try and break your fever. It won't help, and he knows it, but no one has the heart to stop him.

You haven't shown a single sign of life since they had found you. It was unsettling, the silence that filled the room, none of your usual laughter and banter there to replace it.

It’s only when Finnick's head shoots up that the others notice it as well. The steady beeping that has been imposing the silence in this room for weeks picking up its pace. The beating continues to go faster and faster, your body shaking up from the bed in almost the same rhythm. But right before anyone can do anything about it, it stops. It all seems to stop, you stop moving, and the monitor stops beating.

He starts giving you chest compressions, and someone rushes into the room holding a small bottle, they fill a syringe with the clear liquid and inject it into your arm. Within a few seconds, your heart starts beating again. But it’s only after a minute of the monitor showing him a steady heartrate that he stops his actions.

It’s dark in the room when Finnick wakes up, and if it wasn't for the soft light and the beeping of the monitor, he would've thought he was dreaming, but it seems the reality won’t let him escape. He struggles not to fall back asleep, and every few minutes he does, but every time he wakes up startled again, scared that you’ll be gone if he doesn't open his eyes every once in a while. It was easy to see the toll it had taken on him. His posture was slouched, his face less well-groomed than usual. But no one could blame him, because they could see the way he looked at you, as if you were the sun and your dimmed light turned his world dark.

He knows the chance you can hear him is small, but he feels the urge to talk to you nonetheless.

“I don't think I can hold this in any longer. I remember some studies that have shown people in comas do hear what's going on around them, but maybe it’s for the best that you don’t, because you would never say yes.”

He continues but he feels his voice choke up, and he runs a hand through your hair to calm himself down, his other hand still holding onto yours.

“We talked about it once, I still remember every single word you said. You came at me with all your logical reasons for why it would be a bad idea. But what you never understood is that when it comes to you, I'm not able to think rationally, because my love for you will overpower anything else.” He chuckles softly as he recalls the memory he’s about to tell you next.

“I remember when I opened up to you for the first time. I had always held things to myself, but you were so calm as I talked to you. I thought for sure I had screwed it up somehow then. Everyone always tells me now how happy you make me, and they're right. Ever since you came into my life there has not been a single moment when the thought of you did not bring me joy, even when we fought my memories of you could still somehow bring a smile to my face.

I remember when they showed me the video, they hadn't wanted me to see it, but you know how stubborn I can be when it comes to you. I saw you, I saw the way in which they were hurting you. And I started yelling, ironically enough in that moment, you were the only one that could have calmed me down. I remember yelling at them, fighting with them not to wait any longer, that they couldn't let you wait any longer, they had to have me sedating until they came to a conclusion."

He reaches into the pocket of his trousers, taking a small ring. It was his mother's ring, he had found it a while back and had carried it with him ever since. He had thought of moments to give it to you, but every time there was one, every time he was about to ask you, something had happened, something had interrupted him. But there was no one interrupting him this time. “I have thought about asking you this every time I see you, and I can't hold it in any longer. So when you wake up, not if you wake up, because I know you will. I know you will wake up because you have to. So when you wake up, will you marry me.” A little part of him had thought you'd wake up, that you’d answer him. Even if you said no, it would still be better than what's happening right now, because he didn't care if you'd say no, if you’d say you weren't ready, because nothing could be worse than the silence that followed him. And so he slid the ring onto your finger delicately, as if you were to disappear if he wasn't careful. He put the ring on your hand because he knew that even if it wasn't today, and it wasn't tomorrow, someday you would marry him, and he wouldn't let you slip away.

At first, he thought he was imagining it, sleep deprivation and desperation playing a trick on his mind. But then he saw it again, in the beams of morning light he could see your hand moving, as if it was trying to grasp onto something, trying to pull you back into this world. It woke him up in an instant. But it was all followed so fast, the way your eyes slowly opened, squinting at the light. Before you had even awoken for a second, he moved from where he had been right beside you in order to hug you. And he was about to get lost in the thought of your moving lips, tears falling down his eyes, about to get lost in a kiss full of built-up pain and desperation when he noticed, something was wrong. Your eyebrows were knitted together and the corners of your mouth turned down just a little. He looked at your expression, your body language, something was wrong. You looked vulnerable, you looked like you wanted to protect yourself from someone.

It was only when he looked into your eyes that he truly understood something was very wrong.

Your eyes looked as if you were in pain, but it wasn't a look of any physical pain, it looked as if something was endangering you, but he couldn't understand what it was. He slowly moved so as not to startle you and asked you “Darling, what’s wrong” And at first you didn’t respond, but when he kept looking at you, expecting him to answer you, you started to speak. “Am I supposed to remember you?”

He immediately flinched back at the statement, his shoulder sunk and his eyes dimmed. Someone told him it wasn't uncommon for brain injuries to cause short-term memory loss after a coma.

So slowly, and surely, he made it work. But it was crumbling him down every time you didn't remember the unconscious acts of affection, so foreign to you now. A quick touch on your arm as he walked towards you made you flinch slightly as if his hand had been on fire. The subtle smiles he gave you when entering a room were now met with you looking down. The way that even though you were physically here, you really weren't.

He promised himself, he vowed to himself that he would make you remember. That no matter how long it took, he would wait for you. He would wait for you to remember, make you remember. Because he had very quickly learned that he couldn’t live without you anymore.

Part 2: Trying to Forget

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beardedmrbean · 5 months

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I'd be slightly more charitable towards the "the Israeli invasion of Gaza is a genocide" crowd if they didn't immediately flip-flop between that and "but forcibly driving the Jews out of Israel wouldn't be".

"Anti-colonizers" are fucking morons, man.

Can't colonize your homeland, Jews never left, they've been there 3,200 years on the official record depending on how you interpret the Merneptah Stele, which even if it is only mentioning a "people" that would be Isaac son of Abraham which honestly the Islamic crowd probably hates that even more since they claim that Arabs are the "true" children of Abraham through ishmael the kid Sari's handmaiden had with him, never get any mention though and honestly Arabs are indigenous to Arabia anyhow which is to the east of the Levant where "shocker" Saudi Arabia is.

The Mizrahi never left, or at least they've been there since before the Greeks showed up, still a small number of Samaritans as well, they're from the northern kingdom after Israel split following Solomon's death. Genetically at least the 2 European branches of the Jewish family are undeniably more closely related to the folks that never left than they are to any European genetic group.

But ya, the whole genocide thing is ridiculous. I'd be more inclined to believe people actually cared about genocide if they actually looked around the world where that kind of thing is happening in a major way.

inb4: muh fox news.

It's not like the information isn't out there, NYT thing is the only one that's more than a week or so old, so why after this has been going on for years is it still mostly crickets from the peanut gallery.

It shouldn't be a competition though I know, but you'd think this kind of thing would at least rate a mention from the noisy people on the internet.

Gaza situation it's gonna be hamass doing the genocide both ways anyhow, you install a military installation under, in, or in extremely close proximity to civilian structures any deaths that result from taking those structures out are on the people that turned them into military targets in the hopes that the PR would sway people and they wouldn't get called out for using civilians as human shields.

Not to say that Israel is by any means innocent, they screw up and the IDF screws up and innocent people die, some of whom were undoubtedly murdered and I hope the people that have done these things are held to account for them.

But again it's telling that I've seen a half dozen or more posts about palestenian children and it being international children's day and well did you know that November 25 is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women as decreed by the un, got to see pieces about all kinds of stuff for that day and almost nobody mentioning all the women who were raped and murdered on 10/7

There's people on here that I respect that have a differing view on the situation than I do, different ways to resolve the situation and end the bloodshed none of which involve genocide, so them I can take seriously on some of this stuff.

The screaming lunatics that have decided that of all the ethnic and religious minorities in the world that Jewish people are the ones that aren't allowed to decide what is and isn't derogatory and that anything short of something like 'gas the jews' has layers and nuance instead of listening to what the Jewish people have been saying for years and years and years that both 'infatda' and 'from the river to the sea' are calls to genocide, they don't get much respect.

As for the apartheid claim, why would any country let non citizens vote in their elections or any of the other nonsense people are trying to claim like 'segregated' communities because apparently the concept of 'little' Italy, Havana, Saigon or any of the various districts like the Chinatowns where different groups have congregated to be their own community within a community aren't things that form organically or anything like that I guess.

#anonymous

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snaililita · 8 months

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I adore Len and Rin! I have been trying my hand in x readers lately by making a load of Lyney x Reader so why not make some nostalgic (for me at least) Len x Reader🤔? As cringe as it may sound I've been reading all the fics left over by the fandom of old since I was 10 I'm so obsessed with Len>< So I pretty much have a headcanon for everything under the sun about him! So this mini thing will be a breeze:>

Len is a very cautious lover.

Used to all the memes and hate he used to regularly get back when the Vocaloid fandom was rampant; he is very hesitant with just about everything he does lest it become yet another meme and another reason to make fun of him.

As you can guess this leads to major anxiety and constantly feeling like he has done something wrong.

Please don't let him feel this way.

This being said, he is great at recognizing panic/anxiety attacks long before they happen.

He has a tendency to memorize what triggers them and avoids those places/topics entirely.

It's almost like he was built to be some form of anxiety relief android. Maybe he has some beta coding for future therapy androids?

Either way despite his physical age and mindset his is incredibly observant and can read a person pretty well.

He has a tendency to make assumptions though.

Brush his hair and don't tell him he needs to whack his ponytail off.

He'll love you.

Maybe he will let you braid it if you ask nicely.

He owns a saluki named Happy. No questions asked.

No he does not co-own her with Rin. Happy is *his* dog and neither him or the dog will accept otherwise.

If his dog approves of you 9 times outta 10 he will too.

He also likes cats, he and Rin are just allergic.

If you're someone like me and covered in cat hair 24/7, he will sneeze around you all the time.

It's cute though.

Len sneezes are adorable.

He is bad at english/kanji class please help him.

That being said he is a math wizard.

If you're like me and suck at math he can help you don't need to worry.

He would probably just do your homework for you if you ask.

Which is why you shouldn't.

Len has a problem with doing things for others so he'll do just about anything (within reason) for you if he loves you enough.

We already know he would die for his sister if I had to guess he would die for you too if you won him over.

He will take his hoodie off for you and let you wear it. He never takes his hoodies off.

Please please protect him.

Him is verr ee wholesome.

Len has some serious self doubt issues (as I mentioned earlier) so remind him that he *is* talented and that his sister isn't any better than he is.

I mentioned earlier he is good at recognising the signs of a panic attack and I think he is just as prepared to handle them as he is good at sensing them.

If you need words of comfort he can provide you with those but if you just want him to hold you while you cry he can do that too.

He actually prefers the latter because he is afraid he may say something wrong.

He has attachment issues and separation anxiety.

To certain extent he has separation anxiety with his sister and dog but it's not as bad as it is with you.

He gets so nervous and scared. He doesn't like being without you.

He is also super attached to you because you aren't mean to him.

That's probably one of the big reasons he loves you so much; you treat him like a person.

Len gets angry when people say he is a little gay twink.

He likes girls too!

He thinks no matter what's in your pants if your beautiful and kind you are beautiful and kind>:[

Please play minecraft and animal crossing with him♡♡♡

He is often littered with band-aids for no reason. He thinks they look cool lol.

Big cuddler!

Winter and autumn are his favourite seasons because he can cuddle with you in bed and wear layers:)

He has *so* many blankets and he shares all of them with you!

Doesn't mind if you fart in the bed. Doesn't run away squealing in disgust like his sister. Literally could not care less it's no different from a sneeze to him. True manliness right there.

Apple cider is his favourite!

He loves the smell so much his room has diffusers everywhere in it and they all have the scent:)

He also has his windows open a lot of the time!

So it smells like that windy-open-window-bedroom *and* apple cider!

If you open his door without expecting it, it's like being hit in the face with essence of bard. (If you get it you get it.)

Hates anything to do with zombies. They trigger panic attacks in him because he knows he would survive because he is an android but he wouldn't know how to keep you and your loved ones safe.

Not knowing what to do in certain situations enduces anixety and panic attacks in him whether it be an on the spot question from a teacher or just thinking about a situation like such his room.

He cries a lot.

I mean he is adorable and it's impossible to not find him cute when he does cry but he has one of those crying faces that makes you just feel so much guilt and a need to protect him.

Smooch his cheeks when he cries, if you do it enough he cries a little less.

Don't make him bottle up his emotions though, but also help him to stop crying because it's not very good for his eye cameras.

His eyes can glow in the dark by the way.

Every android's can.

But his are so pretty! When they glow they are a bright, electric blue that fades into a slightly deeper shade and they are *so*, SO sparkly!!

Make sure to tell him his sparkle eyes are beautiful✨✨

He has a lot of plushies.

He likes Journey to the West and is a Sun Wukong enthusiast!

He really likes Dragon Ball so he wanted to know about the design origins of Goku and you get the picture.

He doesn't quite understand all the symbolism in JTTW but he still enjoys it regardless because MONKEY KING SMASH!!!

Has a lanyard that he really likes and doesn't take off often.

He has a Vocaloid tomogatchi and the little character in it is the same Rin he has had since he first got it back when they were released.

He can't let his sister die on him!

His sister has one with him in it that she takes just as good care of♡

They may argue all the time but they really do love eachother!

Len and Rin are you best friends and Len is the best, most accommodating boyfriend you could ever ask for so please treasure him and his sister you lucky you!

Handle with care U^U

#adelita writes #vocaloid #len x reader #len kagamine #kagamine len #vocaloid x reader

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keischreiber · 4 months

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The Things We Don't Say

◆ Pairings: Reiner Braun x Reader ◆ Word count: 1,635 ◆ Contains: Angst ◆ Additionally: SFW; This hasn't been proofread.

◆ Synopsis: ... it felt like sin to keep staying this way.

"You're... here again." He said, an ounce of comfort could be heard in his voice.

He's been here for as long as he can remember. Sterile walls were all he knew, along with the silence that came with it. Sometimes, he would be entertained when engaged by the medics with small talk... however, he could hardly remember what it was that they were talking about in the first place.

He'd catch bits and pieces from time to time, but nothing gets retained permanently. Reiner wished that he did, so that he could hold better conversations rather than simply nodding or looking apologetic when someone brought up something that he should know, only to be disappointed with his lack of knowledge about them.

The most frustrating thing about the entire thing was perhaps, deep down, he knew that wheat he no longer knew had been important. He could tell when the visitors who claimed to be his 'friends' looked at each other, only to look back at him as if they had done something wrong. They'd often apologize, saying that they shouldn't have pushed too much for him to remember; but he had never once felt the need to get mad at them for it.

After all, he hoped they'd simply keep on talking, then maybe he could remember something other than just his name...

... and sometimes, even that escapes him.

However...

"What, you getting tired of my face already?"

... there was always one person who came on a daily basis. For as long as he could remember, they've never missed a day. For the majority of the time, they were simply silent. They'd tend to the little things that could have been taken care of by the nurses on duty. And even if one came and they were around, they'd simply thank the medic while still helping out. He remembers because they do this every day.

Every day, they'd bring him something to eat. Warm, comforting, easy to consume; something that increased his appetite compared to the hospital food that he had gotten accustomed to. These daily meals, he looked forward to and he couldn't even bring himself to understand why. Sometimes, they'd bring him something sweet too, hard candies. They explained that if he suddenly gets a headache out of nowhere, he should eat one and it'll make him feel better. Most of the time, it did.

They never really spoke much about themselves; often preferring to stay silent while sitting by his bedside.

"N-no. I'm... sorry if I sounded like I didn't want you around just now."

Reiner couldn't help but apologize. Always, he'd expect that they'd take offense with him, but they never did. Always just an understanding smile, and a few words like 'it's alright' or something similar, and then nothing more.

Today as well, it's the same thing. They've been bringing a book with them lately, and simply read silently beside him. Reiner, who didn't know what sort of conversation to start, simply watched them in silence as he laid in bed, tucked beneath a warm blanket— an additional layer to his usual pristine white sheets. It's been getting colder lately. Maybe that's why they brought it for him.

As he studied his quiet visitor, he couldn't help but notice how visibly thinner they seemed. He didn't know why he noticed it just now, but perhaps it was because they were always around; worse, maybe it was just because he couldn't remember. They also looked drained... more tired than usual.

He wanted to say something, anything, but in the end... he couldn't.

For a moment, he can't help but feel pathetic not even remembering their name. It's not as if he hadn't asked. They simply never give it.

Reiner had a little notebook, you see, where he lists down the names of those who visit him.

Jean Kirstein

Connie Springer

Mikasa Ackerman

Armin Arlert

Annie Leonhart

Pieck Finger

Gabi Braun

Falco Grice

Historia Reiss

He even wrote his mother's name, "Karina", just so he'd never forget.

In front of his notebook was his name, something that admittedly, was something that he hadn't written. Somehow, at some point, he felt like there was no need to remember... but it was them, they wrote it down for him.

Behind that cover page, was a small note that he looks at every day after he wakes up... every night before he sleeps.

— You're worth every thought.

Despite the silence, there was something oddly relaxing about their presence. Sometimes, when they catch him staring, they'd hide their face in their book. Reiner would blink slightly and before long, would realize that he'd already have chuckled at them. The red on their cheeks would catch his interest, but he never pursued any more than that... for their comfort.

Hours would pass like this up until the time when they have to leave.

There would be instances where he'd drift off by accident, and when he awakens they'd no longer be there. Today however, was a little different.

"Are you leaving?"

They were caught off guard when Reiner spoke, but despite that, simply wore a smile and nodded.

"I have to, for today."

Came the response. For them, it was easier to leave when he was asleep.

"Say," As they stood, Reiner sat himself up. "Can't you tell me your name?"

"I... maybe another time." And they moved with the speed of a guilty man, one that Reiner couldn't understand. Something that, in fact, he didn't want to. Why did he have to wait for the next time that he knew would surely not come. If they wanted to introduce themselves, they'd have done it a long time ago.

Just as his guest reached the door, Reiner was following suit, ready to stop them to get his answers.

"Wait! Don't go!"

But before he could catch them, they had already made their exit, shutting the door behind them on their way out.

Just as he was about to slam his fist on the door, there was a soft thud that came from outside, as if something collided with the door.

They didn't leave...? He thought to himself. "Why... won't you say anything?"

Despite his voice being loud enough, he was met with silence; one that made him press his forehead against the door.

Unbeknownst to him, the person on the other side had done the same. Separated between a slab of wood... so near but felt like they were seas apart.

"There's a girl who visits me here... made my heart race the first few times. I would’a married her at any given time, at any given place. That's what crossed my mind at first... but it's not the same... not the same as... whatever this is!"

He didn't know what he was saying; his mind all muddled and confused, trying to pump out reasons to get the person on the other side of the door to talk.

"...But it's different with you." He felt frantic. "You make my pulse race in a different way. If I couldn't remember her name, it felt awful... much like when I can't remember the others. But not being able to remember you..."

They could hear Reiner getting choked up on the other side.

"... feels wrong." It eats him up inside. Whenever he stared at them, he felt his gut wrenching as if he was neck-deep in sin. It felt wrong, felt devastating... felt like a part of him was repeatedly being ripped out of his chest again, and again, and again.

"Did you mean something to me, did I love you?" At this point, he just wanted to say everything that came into his mind before they disappeared. "Because it feels like I do..."

"You were the one that wrote it, weren't you? You're worth every thought." He repeated the words that he woke and slept to every single day.

"Please... can't you tell me what you are to me? Let me think about you, let me remember you. Please..." He'd have burst out of that room if he could, however, he was afraid that they'd run away from him if he did.

"I'm—" When Reiner heard the faint sound of their voice, silence ruled for a few good moments. He was trying to catch any sound that he could. Anything at all.

On their end, they had been sobbing. Holding a hand to their mouth to muffle the sound as they listened to his plea. A name should have been the easiest thing to give, yet for them, it became the hardest.

After all there was guilt attached to the name.

How could they make Reiner remember... that the reason he was here in the first place was because of them. Having saved them led to him being here in the first place... with both of them having almost died in the process.

Hearing him cry on the other side of the door made them wonder if they were being selfish about the matter. Reiner was bawling on the other side, pleading when there hadn't been a need to beg in the first place.

It wasn't long before the handle turned and the door would open again. Both of them were a mess.

"I'm..."

Their voice was meek, the words choked up. But the moment Reiner had heard their name, he pulled them without so much as a single thought, wrapping his arms around them tightly, the door being shut tight behind them.

It wasn't as if hearing their name made him remember. But more so, the instincts of his body simply kicked in.

A different feeling from that girl he thought he wanted to marry...

A different feeling from long time friends visiting...

... but simply a feeling that his heart automatically knew meant the world to him.

#◆ Drabbles and Fictions #reiner x reader #reiner x y/n #reiner x oc #reiner x you #aot #sfw #Eeeeey~ look. It's my first fic on here~#Feel free to reblog if you'd like #this be everyone-coded #Hi.#Do you want to cry with me?

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ovaryacted · 5 months

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My input probably isn't needed, since much more intelligent people have already spoken on this, but here are my two cents:

Dark content is okay. It is totally fine if you take interest to it and like it. However, there's a BIG difference between dark content and straight up crimes. Incest and stepcest? Morally and ethically questionable at best, straight up wrong at worst. Not my cup of tea, in fact, I find them very repulsive. But someone else might like it and that's alright - as long as both characters are consenting adults.

What isn't okay is rape and pedophilia. I've seen a rise in both in all fandoms recently, Resident Evil and Call of Duty being ones that hurt me the most. I don't know what's causing it, but it needs to stop ASAP. The first blog I ever followed on Tumblr turned this way recently, and I was so disappointed and sad. A person who used to write eye-catching stories and amazingly written smut turned out to be someone who now almost exclusively writes non-con. It hurt me to press that unfollow button. Rape is never okay and should never be romanticized. People need to accept that.

Pedophilia? Y'all are just disgusting for that. There are young and impressionable people on this app, and no amount of minors DNI warnings will make them go away, because they're hormonal kids and they like what is forbidden. I know from my own experience, I was very much underage when I first started Wattpad, then AO3, then Tumblr. I read smut at the age I shouldn't have. Thankfully, I was a bit more self aware and emotionally mature than mist people my age, so I ended up fine, thank God. I knew what was kinky and what was wrong and the distinction between the two.

But the vast majority of kids aren't like that, and when they read fanfics that romanticize grooming, pedophilia and rape, they will get the impression those things are normal IRL and it's okay to do them and/or it's okay if it's done to you. SOME OF Y'ALL'S WRITING IS ACTIVELY PUTTING OTHER PEOPLE ***AND MINORS*** IN DANGER, AND THAT SHOULD NEVER ***EVER*** BE NORMALIZED, ***YOU SHOULD STOP***!!!

I know this isn't what I usually leave in your inbox, nic, but this needs to be talked about every chance we get, because it's unfortunately getting normalized to sexualize minors and victims :(

Y'all stay safe out there, please <<3

-🌑

Hey New Moon anon honey, I've missed you and thought about you recently. I saw this when you first sent it to me, and I've been meaning to answer this for a while as well as my other messages in my inbox but I was just so exhausted as a whole I couldn't give you a proper answer. But I have enough brain power now to respond lol.

First, I do appreciate and value your input, I agree with everything you said and also relate to you heavily. I was also in the COD fandom for a while when I first came on to Tumblr before I formally transitioned into the RE fandom, and I saw that same trend with people who wrote for Ghost & Konig in particular. I can write essays on the correlation of the fantasy behind sexual violence and military propaganda but then we'd be here all day. It's also difficult to read characters that have a canon history of sexual abuse (Ghost/Simon Riley) inflict that same level of harm onto other characters even if it's fictional. There are a lot of layers to violence and aggression in sexual culture, particularly in environments where the military is involved since that's something people who are in the military go through, but I don't want to dwell on that too much.

Personally, being someone who started engaging in sexual content and material at a very young age because I got too curious on the internet, I know how dangerous it can be. I know how it can fuck with your head when you see something online and get too engaged in it that you want to recreate it out of curiosity. Minors often have this experience, especially when they reach an age where they want to replicate or mimic what they consume. It happens at all ages, it’s not their fault, and with the hormones that run through their bodies, it's inevitable. That's why I'm emphasizing just being safe on the internet with what we as creators release to be shared and spread around when we live in an age of unrestricted internet access across all platforms regardless of how hard you try to use filters and warnings.

I hope that at some point, the content we see when it comes to smut writing or writing as a whole kind of calms down in the RE fandom, but until then all you can do is block tags, spread awareness, and keep it pushing.

#ovaryacted asks #₊˚⊹♡ ─ my new moon anon 🌑

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kaivasita · 7 months

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Book 2 update! Here's all the chapters I've got so far. It's almost as long as book 1 already, and I'm not even CLOSE to done yet- but still going at a very good pace. The first draft might be done by the end of this year if I can keep this up (here's hoping!)

The chapters you see with either (E) or (R) by them are chapters in either Ryan or Ellie's perspective (I shouldn't have to explain to you which are which...) I was having trouble making Ellie and Ryan relevant to the thanks to how isolated Albin is for most of the plot, so sometimes when something happens to Albin in his perspective- or he just goes to bed for the night, it'll switch over to one of the subplots involving either Ryan or Ellie as they look for him.

And that's about it!

...

...Huh?

What do you mean what are those three chapters that say "REMOVE ME!"?

Well, I guess there's really no way to hide those, is there? These three chapters are left over from the version of the book 2 I was writing back around winter of last year- the last version before I switched away from google documents. I think the 3rd of these chapters was actually the last writing I did in google documents before I switched, and therefor the last I did during class. This was around the time where I made a massive, final, tonal shift to book 1 to make it just a little bit darker, and before book 2 got a major plot rework.

However, neither of these things are the reason these chapters are going to be removed- they're all part of a flashback sequence for a side character, and it dragged on a bit too long- and I also didn't know how to progress for the 3rd chapter because I was honest to god sick and tired of writing it and just wanted to get back to the actual plot (I can only imagine how a reader would feel...) Not only that, everything that happens in these has been completely retconned. The only reason they're still here really is because I thought I'd be able to salvage some of the writing I did for them for somewhere else, the reason I often keep in chapters like this- but that definitely isn't the case if none of it is canon anymore.

I think this revision I might finally get around to removing them, since their only other purpose is to draw a clear line between where my current writing is and where the dumb outdated version of the plot is. Which- to give you an idea in that older version Albin's siblings somehow find him down in the 9th layer of hell. Which might sound reasonable, until you consider that in that version, Albin ventures outside in his normal clothing... in the current version, he ventures outside in a heated spacesuit. To say it hardly makes sense anymore, especially considering recent plot changes, would be an understatement. Anyways it's 4:30 in the morning I should go to bed.

#book 2 progress #kaivasita

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question-why-not · 9 months

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Ok, so i happened to watch Panda's tiktoks on how to possibly canonize the Jason Todd vote, and it gave me an idea for what a really good live action Under The Red Hood movie could potentially look like? Like, my idea of what could potentially make for a GREAT big screen adaptation.

Small minor point first, i don't personally agree with Panda's interpretation that the vote would give Jason another thing to be livid at specifically in the "why are these people involved in the death of a child still walking?!" way, because i like it when Jason, for all his ruthless brutality, doesn't go after just anyone, not even after really shitty people. Rather, he only goes after the worst of the worst, people who cannot be stopped any other way in the DC setting, and\or those who have done something so heinous, that their victims will never feel safe so long as they still walk the earth. On the other hand, i do think it would make a great reason for Batman going brutal & reckless on all of Gotham in general, rather than only going after Joker, AND i think that while it wouldn't lead to Jason wanting everyone who voted "yes" to die or anything, it COULD be a great way to further justify Jason's disillusionment with Batman's methods and his broken faith in humanity in general.

Now that that's said, here's my idea:

It should be a long movie, in my opinion, Interstellar-long or longer, i believe, in order to really do the story justice. The UTRH storyline shouldn't just be brought up from nowhere, the viewers need to become INVESTED in Jason & in the fundamental conflict of UTRH first.

How does one do that? Have the first part of the movie be about Robin Jason Todd, and use that part of the movie to get people invested. Get the viewers absolutely IN LOVE with Jason, make it so that the viewers end up crying at his death, even if they knew it was coming. Get the viewers flat-out emotionally adopting this wonderful, golden-hearted child, who has experienced so much hardship in his short life, and came out the other end wanting nothing more than to help people. One potential way to help do that, which also helps get the viewers invested in the main conflict of UTRH, as well as add another layer of tragedy to it all? Have Batman friggin' lose it on a criminal, someone who's done something heinous, something we all UNDERSTAND Batman losing his cool at... And have Jason be the one to save that criminal's life from his wrath. And don't stop there! Have Jason become a major part of that criminal's rehabilitation after that, have Jason himself be the one to prove to Batman that anyone can be saved, have Jason SUCCEED at rehabilitating this heinous person into someone genuinely good, someone who regrets their past actions and does significant good in the world to atone for it.

Then? Potentially Garzonas. Definitely Joker. Warehouse. Vote. Do the vote exactly as Panda described in his tiktoks. Use that moment to absolutely break the audience alongside Jason. Have both Jason and the audience start out hopeful, then desperate, and finally, disillusioned and broken. Take this wonderful, hopeful child, take the hope and sheer faith this child has instilled in the audience, and break them. The warehouse goes up in flames.

Then, and only then... Under The Red Hood. i have some ideas there too on what to include or not, and this whole movie idea would only work with terrific writing and acting, to get the audience truly invested and immersed even though they know what's coming.

But yeah, that's the core of my idea on what a truly amazing big screen UTRH adaptation could potentially look like. Thoughts?

#jason todd #red hood #under the red hood #utrh #batman #bruce wayne

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allycat75 · 2 months

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Time to focus, Boston Dumb Fuck.

Congratulations on not winning the Razzie, but let Jon Voight be a warning for you. He was once a bankable, talented actor, with solid liberal ideas and attitudes. We now know he did not treat his wife and children well, that could have shown the cracks in his character. If he lived during a different time, he may have had the permission to reflect more deeply on his flaws and repaired the cracks before they developed into deep fissures in his personality, becoming the crackpot, MAGA pitchman he is today.

I am hoping we won't be seeing you for a while. That 11th hour Nazi flag couples red carpet stroll at the Oscar's after party made most of us want to vomit, all for the bargain price of $200,000. I am sure Animal Haven and Christopher's Haven will understand that you "had to do it". So will Jinx, and why they aren't getting a return on their investment for you.

But seriously dude, has the weed stripped away all common sense. When you should know the majority of why we don't like her is because of her racist and antisemetic views, thus nullifying all of your previous positive efforts in these matters, you just had to strut around for your debut with the little wifey in Nazi colors. What, the white robes weren't available? Did your Scientologist stylist promise those to another client? At least you left the Tiki torches in the trunk of the new Audi, I am sure to save for a special occasion. Offended? You shouldn't be as this is the assignment you accepted, once again not looking too deeply at the optics because a rich (for now) white man of privleged never has to.

You need to buckle down and sincerely work, something I don't think you have done since The Gray Man. All you have done over the last few years are a few one-dimensional, lazy tell-not-show performances, while the rest of your days were spent method acting the worst version of "Chris Evans" you could possibly be, and getting worse by the day. You have some cobwebs to shake off so immerse yourself in this role and make it count because it has to. Imbue it with the layers and dimensions I know you can. We have seen it before.

Get your rest, stay hydrated and for cryin' out loud, eat something! Lots of somethings! I am thinking severe malnutrition is leading to your devastating decisions lately. And when you are done, hopefully you can remember what it is to be a contributing member of society with some sense of success in your bones and will have you craving more. Then it is just a matter of how to sustain it, and whom to trust to get you there because those currently surrounding you are not it.

I meant it that one day I wish you could unburden your shoulders of the weight of your story. I just hope that comes sooner rather than later while there are still those left to hear it, let alone trust you enough to believe it. Tick tock.

#Boston Nazi #boston racist #boston fatshamer #you are the company you keep #You drank the Kool-aid #who are you?#is this who you want to be?#liars suck!#i don't like hypocrites #i hate manipulation #coward #Ai in human form #get some serious help!

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greywindys · 10 months

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Some people don’t like 2Doc because it hits too close to home in terms of abuse they’ve suffered from and they’ve seen too many stans defend or downplay the abuse, much like people have in their own lives, which is valid, although it’s worth thinking about how the early depictions of it were meant to be slapstick and funny, not something that would slide by today. However, others still are guilty of seeing 2D as nothing but a sweet, innocent boy who is nothing but a victim, not helped by recent canon depictions…in reality, I think you can point to character flaws and traits that have nothing to do with Murdoc, especially before D-Day. Not that that excuses Murdoc, of course! And not helping matters is a lack of a consistent trajectory for Murdoc, even after he claims to have changed…

And it should go without saying that your portrayal of 2Doc is absolutely marvellous. I enjoy seeing more of your writing, when you’re able to, of course!

There's a lot to unpack here, but I'll start by saying thank you! I think I underestimated my ability to juggle multiple projects at once. But I'm happy with my current pace.

As to you previous paragraph, yeah. There are many valid reasons for someone to dislike and scrutinize 2Doc. I blame the slapstick point on Gorillaz, honestly, because they've never done a good job at making a distinction between what's slapstick and what's meant to be taken seriously. I might even argue that one shouldn't depict any slapstick when one of the characters is an abuser and the other character is the person they're abusing, but I also think most situations can be depicted effectively when the writer is competent. And Gorillaz isn't.

And you're right, some fans can go from one extreme to another. There are people who completely downplay the concerns other fans have about the unhealthy elements of 2Doc. Then there are other fans who have trouble depicting or acknowledging any flaws in 2D's character because they worry that doing so might make others think they're excusing Murdoc which is... kind of myopic. 2D can be a flawed person while also being an abuse victim. Murdoc can also be a flawed person while also being an abuse victim. Their layers are what make them so interesting.

IMO there are two major elements at play - the shift towards more watered down, people-pleasing media and to a lesser extent, Gorillaz' shitty writing that's also trying to be as palatable as possible. The former worsens the latter. Gorillaz writing has always been mostly shitty, but since companies realized that they could profit off of really familiar, formulaic stories (I'm thinking Marvel, all the re-boots, etc). It's become what a significant number of people are used to and want, and it worsens people's ability to consider nuance. And this is the group that Gorillaz writing tries to appeal to these days despite their history.

#asks.#Anonymous

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20dollarlolita · 2 years

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A couple Today at Work stories from the sewing machine repair check-in desk.

"Oh, they both work really well!" said very enthusiastically by someone bringing in a 63-year-old vacuum that she says only turns on if she kicks it, and a sewing machine with a coat of dirt on it so thick that my thumbnail couldn't remove it. No, ma'am, if they worked really well, you wouldn't be bringing them in. Customer was asked if she understands that, if they cannot be repaired, the diagnostic fee must still be paid. Customer signed paper stating that she understands that, if they cannot be repaired, the diagnostic fee will not be refunded. Sales clerk (me) fully expects to have that fight in three weeks when neither item could be repaired.

"I don't think it's the needle threader. I think the machine is broken," said by someone who, based on the story she gave, had no reason to believe the machine was more broken than the needle threader. Look, if it's coming in for check-in, it's not us who is responsible for determining who is at fault. When that needs to be determined, and I want to clarify that that rarely needs to be determined, it's done by our technicians. If you were sewing and the needle threader suddenly stopped being able to reach the needle, there's a lot of reasons that could happen. 99.9% of the time, it's the needle threader. Those fuckers are annoying and picky, and do not handle abuse very well. There's a reason they're not warrantied. But if you have an expensive computerized machine, and your needle bar got yanked 4ish millimeters below where normal is, your machine would have sent you a warning that something Very Bad just happened. Actually, in this case, the machine will make an error log and tell the technician that something Very Bad happened, and when. Fun fact, if your machine has a clock built in, definitely set it! In machines that log things like that, knowing exactly when an error happened is really useful. Anyway, shortening a long story, we don't care if it's your fault, but if you want the problem fixed, it really helps us if you tell us what happened, and don't lie or leave things out. BTW, we usually don't care whose fault it is, because if you're paying for a repair then it's our job to fix it regardless of what happened; if you have a store-offered care plan, that covers everything except commercial use. That's one of our major selling points on that, that it covers almost everything. The only time that we have to care about who broke it is in the case of a re-work (where it's possible that the exact same problem is still present after repair) or warranty work (where the store would be seeking reimbursement from the manufacturer due to manufacturer defects). Even with warranty work, a lot of the time it doesn't actually matter if you were using the wrong needle or the wrong thread or thick fabric or set it down on a table and your dog ran past and the table shook and the fabric fell on the floor. It matters if you put 1/4" leather in your Zest or attempted to adjust your bobbin tension with a mallet, and the techs WILL KNOW if you did that. But 90% of things that people think they did to break a brand-new machine are things that the machine should have been able to do without catastrophically breaking. So, please, if you were just sewing along on your brand-new sewing machine, went over ten layers of denim at the seam, and your machine suddenly spat out ten gallons of black oil and chanting the Pokemon theme backwards, tell the technicians that you were sewing and went over 10 layers of denim. Any functioning machine, even a cheaper machine, should not catastrophically fail over a simple little mistake like that. They might break a needle, have a needle strike on the plate, hit the bobbin case, get a really big jam, or something similar. They shouldn't go up in flames or burn out their motor. Being honest about what you did also allows the technicians to argue in your favor. If the screw on your needle bar wasn't tightened out of the box, then your needle bar shifting when you hit ten layers of denim at the seam will tell the technician that it was loose out of the box and that it wasn't that you pulled the needle bar up sewing 4000 stitches a minute with an offbrand ruffler. But yeah, when someone comes in and says, "My thread keeps breaking when I use a size 60 needle and 90wt thread, I think it's probably the motor brushes," that's pretty suspicious. That's like saying, "It smells like vinegar in my kitchen, so maybe it's from some preserved bird claws from the museum," and then refusing to mention a trip to the museum on an interest in birds.

I'm very tired. Good night.

#today at work

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