#love is grief with nowhere to go etc

[small-strong-bookish-butch]

How I don't Know my siblings (or not in any way that matters) and both of them— and arguably, all three of us, me too— don't share much about their lives or feelings, how we're all each Adults With Jobs and have grown to be very separate people (from each other?)

And IDK if it's me or if it's who/how I am as a person, or if it's because I'm autistic and like, deeply crave connection with people who Actually Deeply Want to know me and Actively try to do that and reach out to me too

Or if it's just how my brain works + that I can't figure out a way to say "You recommended this new media to me and said I would like it, and it will take my brain 90 days of regular energy to even think about consuming it, so I most likely will never watch/listen to it, but it's not because I think you have bad taste in stuff, my brain simply does Not do that"

Like on some level it's like... I (the littles) deeply want to feel connections with them/connected to them or like there's this Deep Forever Familial Bond that a lot of allistic people/people with good relationships with their family seem to talk about

And then on a deeper level, it's like... (the protectors) but that's not realistic. And realistically, honestly, tangibly, etc, my relationships with both of them are like, fine. It's Fine™️. It's fine and it's neutral, or maybe slightly connected for a conversation, at best, and disconnected and lonely and painful at worst, and I'm just So Different than either of them

The most realistic feeling I have about either of them is that it feels like it wouldn't really matter at all if I didn't hear from them for several weeks/months/possibly years/etc

My therapist pointed out that maybe it's worth connecting with my brother, because even if it's not a deep connection this time, it could maybe lead to more connection or meaningful conversations in the future, which is a good point. But it's also... so much emotional energy and work for something that doesn't feel ?real? to me

All this is to say, I don't understand when people argue to keep relationships open (in the sense of not cutting them off) and talk regularly "because they're family", because like, I feel like I am doing that and it's still a lot of work and it feels like keeping connections with family just for the sake of being related by blood is actually a very bad reason if you don't really like the other people that much at all

(To be fair, my therapist did hear me out about this and said that it makes sense to also keep relationships with people who are actively wanting and trying to be in relationships with me.)

(My brain is just Stuck about it right now)

IDK, I spent a short amount of time around my brother recently, and his whole thing right now is working and trying to save money so he can move to a different state this summer, and he's recommended his favorite comedian to me but I haven't listened to her (see above paragraph). And like, I don't know who his friends are or anything emotionally vulnerable like that. And my brain is like "okay. This is his Whole thing. He's a person who doesn't even especially want to be here with other people, or make conversation with you either, so why are we in this room together?"

#personal #siblings #thinking about #why do i keep going in circles about this when it keeps being the same conclusion!! why am i so sad about it when there's not much there? #love is grief with nowhere to go etc #the other alters internally yell about making posts #grief #delete later #my writing

[altschmerzes]

Fleabag 2x04 | The Bear 1x08 "Braciole"

#gav gab #web weaving #of a sort #the bear #fleabag #Do You See My Vision. #i couldn't get it out of my head #it's about GRIEF. it's about LOVE WITH NOWHERE TO GO. etc. #death cw

[saltwater-creature]

*randomly remembering "you were loved, you cannot take loved away" and "life is too short and love is too long"* ough

#these books are about grief they're about love and when love has nowhere to go but you still carry it and it will always be apart of you #even if you carve it out of your brain or made to forget or die the love was THERE and it mattered #love will build and save and destroy the world #etc etc what is grief but love with nowhere to go

[travelerpoetry]

Of Atlantean descent Maddie Fenton

I've been thinking about a few things specifically Maddie being of Atlantean descent the line she comes from was minor royalty that specialises specifically in protection (Family, People, Land etc.)

Her great-great-great-grandfather was estranged from his family due to falling in love with a human woman who showed such passion in wanting to help get rid of pollution and help sea and on-land wildlife that were seriously hurt by man-made machines recover and be released into the wild once more and after a whirlwind romance with adventure and soft touches years later they had a child and they couldn't be happier.

But due to a complicated family matter her great- great-great-grandfather's Father called him back home to Atlantis, her great-great-great-grandfather did not expand on the issue any further. He claimed in one of the old letters Maddie found that he'd be back soon and not to worry about him

But in his absence, her great-great-great-grandmother fell sick with a deathly Illness that killed her before her great-great-great-grandfather could return and it was in fact her Great-great-great-grandmother's neighbour who found her dead and her child (Maddie's great-great-grandfather) in the crib next to her bed crying for his dead mother's attention.

The neighbour of course called the police who in return came with child protective services that placed her great-great-grandfather in a foster Family due to not finding her great-great-grandfather's Father.

Her great-great-great-grandfather came back only to find everything he knew gone his Wife? Nowhere to be found, his Son? Can't be found. Maddie's great-great-great-grandfather stricken with grief over the Family he lost soon died from Heartbreak.

But her great-great-grandfather had kept photos of himself as a baby with his Mother and a Ring.. a Ring that was as he was told placed next to him in the crib he was lying in as he was found that fateful night by his Mother's neighbour.

The Ring became an Heirloom passed from generation to generation. until Maddie finally got her curious little hands on it on her tenth Birthday and Maddie knew.. she knew that there was something special about that Ring that was so beautiful with shells and fish-shaped crystals that were littered across the ring in a pattern and little ten-year-old Maddie was right the artefact as she had realised it wasn't just a ring had helped her breath underwater she had gills! And scales! But sadly no tail... but little Maddie was ecstatic!

and Maddie kept the ring well into her adulthood and as she finally started a Family with the man she loved Jack and furthered her research into the ecto-entities she grew happier, happier than she had ever been happier than when she was in the water free to explore and relax.

Her oldest Jasmine showed no signs of being as drawn to the ocean as she was as a child but Jazz still could hold her breath at a minimum of 17 minutes! Jazz also seemed to not particularly care for the ring though commenting multiple times that she finds the ring to be beautiful .

Her second oldest Danny had been drawn to the Ring, he constantly begged to have it when he was younger until Maddie had given him the ring permanently. Danny loved the ocean and went to visit it a few times a month and after her Son had revealed the fact he had died due to the machine that Maddie and Jack built and that the ocean was the only place he was truly at peace? Well, she and Jack made sure to tell him how much they loved him how he would always be their son no matter what and that they promised to go to the beach more often with the family if he truly felt that much better there.

After She and Jack found out about Dan and Eliie? Well, they welcomed both with a big bear hug courtesy of Jack and his Joy of finally being able to pamper younger children again. Both were apparently de-aged due to them not being very stable in this timeline but Maddie and Jack couldn't careless they were just so happy that there were no more secrets between all of them and that they could finally be a truly Happy family but ofcourse before that She and Jack had forced Vlad into therapy and he's slowly redeeming himself.

Now nothing could surprise the Fenton Family anymore!

That was what they thought before an Atlantean King came knocking on their door claiming that Maddie was related to him.. oh well what is a new Family member to this already chaotic but loving Family?

#dp x dc crossover #dp x dc #dc x dp #did you realize who the one knocking on the door is? #it's aquaman #i love them #good parents jack and maddie #good parent maddie fenton #good parent Jack fenton #mermay #? #Atlantean Maddie fenton #Ocean core danny fenton #Maddie and jack adopt ellie #de aged ellie #de aged dan #they get adopted #redeemed vlad #therapy #vlad plasmius #vlads obsession is having a family #See core ellie #though its not mentioned #de aged dani #Danielle 'ellie' fenton #first fanfic #be nice #arthur is the best #uncle? #haven't thought about his exact relation with maddie is

[lyralit]

ravenclaw head cannons:

were called "gifted" as kids but now everyone's caught up and they're stuck with unnecessarily high standards because everyone still thinks they're "smarter"

know multiple languages, but none of them fully

they pull the most obscure facts out of NOWHERe, and that's usually how they attempt breaking an awkward silence (it often gets more awkward)

they love hoarding stationary to never use and end up with that One Trusty Pen

spend hours organizing all their tests, due dates, etc., but it's all gone to waste by the end of the year and their organization is bothering the Slytherins for the due dates

all the houses hold a prank competition every year and it's always a Ravenclaw / Slytherin duo that wins. the teachers still don't know what hit them.

the biggest procrastinators

remember the most random complicated facts and formulas but forget the word "fingernails"

on tests,, either speeds through the easy questions and gets them all wrong but cracks the bonus question with twelve seconds to spare

OR answers everything right but leaves the bonus incomplete after staring at it and going through the 5 stages of grief in 2 minutes. they take up the test with a Slytherin after who looks at them and reveals the answer was super easy

the actual Ravenclaw motto is "caffeine will solve anything"

#ravenclaw #harry potter #Hogwarts houses #headcanons #lyralit #books #gryffindor #slytherin #hufflepuff #characters #hogwarts #idk if y'all want more I can make more #headcanon #Harry Potter fandom

[wraether]

I haven't posted about Gaza 'cause a couple years ago I decided to keep all my politics & activism exclusively offline — something about IRL efforts being more grounded, less performative, and generally better (and it's been more productive and fulfilling)

That aside, after 100+ days it feels like all efforts go nowhere. I'm keeping up with the news, having conversations with everyone I can, wearing a Palestine pin in solidarity, hanging posters around campus (rehanging them when they get taken down), boycotting BDS targets, buying e-sims, etc. etc. … and nothing changes.

It's too easy to feel guilty and hopeless when the so-called ""free world"" remains completely complicit & funds the damn genocide. The grief has its place, I think it'd be odd to witness atrocities and feel nothing, we must grieve for the martyred.

But, idk, feeling bad isn't praxis. And even as I feel bad, and as my efforts feel less and less productive, I think it's important to just keep doing it — action will always be better than inaction. Better to keep trying than to be complicit. Feeling bad doesn't free gaza, and I think knowing I'm doing all I can helps with the "feeling bad" thing, too, so it's symbiotic in a way. And I urge everyone to keep doing all they can, too. (Especially if you're only posting, buy an e-sim and do something IRL for the love of god)

And even when it feels useless just keep doing it more. Palestine will be free.

#free gaza #palestine #.txt #not sure what to do irl? heres a simple start: get some kind of sticker (usps shipping labels are free and hard to peel off iirc) #draw a palestine flag on it with sharpie. write free gaza/ceasefire/etc #and just slap it somewhere public #this is all i have to say really. other ppl online have already made better posts than i ever will #and i still prefer my efforts to be irl #but at this point i feel like i should post about this too

[hamletthedane]

I’m a big Hamlet fan and I am curious as to what your favorite movie/for screen rendition is? I’ve been working my way through a lot of them, gone through about 7, so far Hamlet at Elsinore with Christopher Plummer is my favorite. I was just curious what yours is !

What a great question!!

Hamlet at Elsinore is definitely my favorite filmed version of the play. I feel that Christopher Plummer does a fantastic - and frankly critically underappreciated - job of portraying the more nuanced and complicated aspects of Hamlet's character while still giving a straightforward performance that's highly accessible to any audience. Notably, he doesn't treat the performance as his ~*~epic, defining role of a lifetime~*~ or ~high artistic theater~ (*cough* Branagh and Jacobi), but instead focuses on telling a deeply compelling, very moving story about the complex nature of grief and revenge. I also like that this version embraces the more "postmodern" elements that exist in the written text of Hamlet: the complicity of the audience, the inevitability of the outcome, Hamlet's genre-awareness and genre-defiance, etc.

[Not to keep hating on Branagh, but in contrast: Branagh's Hamlet in particular seems to go out of its way to avoid including the more interesting proto-postmodern thematic elements of the play - at times not seeming to recognize that they're even there. He instead focuses his time and energy on inserting new cinematography-based visual themes that go nowhere and at times stand in OPPOSITION to the actual tone and themes of the original text. Because apparently Hamlet the play is too boring and instead of lame elements like "themes" and "compelling characterization," we need a swinging chandelier sword fight scenes and Freudian weirdness. Truly the Joel Schumacher Phantom of the Opera adaptation of Shakespeare films. But I DIGRESS-)

Plus it doesn't hurt that everybody aside from Plummer in Hamlet at Elsinore is also fabulous. Obviously, Michael Caine's Horatio is the single best and most definitive version of the character in film, but I also love Robert Shaw's Claudius and Muller's Ophelia.

If we're talking favorite filmed versions of the STORY of Hamlet though, that's Asta Nielsen's silent film from 1921. It's so beautifully filmed and wonderfully told. She's what I picture when I picture Hamlet.

Other than that....I like Tennant and Stewarts' RSC filmed version well enough. It has a number of very strange choices and I don't love the re-ordering of the scenes, but Tennant does a great job with the character and I think it's a very approachable performance. A few other filmed stage versions are also excellent, though with a few similarly weird elements - I'd put Maxine Peake's version on the same tier as the RSC version. I do NOT like Branagh's version at all (if you couldn't already tell...). Jacobi's and Gibson's are slightly better, but they're still too focused on the prestige of the performance rather than the actual story being told imo. I think they fall under the same criticism as Holden Caulfield's scathing review of Laurence Olivier: "more like a general than a sad, screwed-up type guy." (Yes I know this line is an in-text authorial critique of Holden himself but also: he's right and he should say it.)

If you haven't already, I do highly recommend listening to the BBC Radio 4 audiodrama version of Hamlet, starring Jamie Parker. Despite being a audio version of a stage play, it somehow blows every filmed version of Hamlet (except maybe HAE) out of the water. I listen to it at least once a year.

Finally, my actual favorite versions of Hamlet have ALWAYS been those I've seen live (or seen bootleg filmed stage performances of lmao). If it's ever playing live near you, definitely go and see it. The play was meant to be seen on a live stage in front of you, and many of the jokes and themes only make sense in that context. In my opinion, the medium of live theater elevates the play so far beyond what a movie could ever achieve.

...sorry this answer is so long 😅 Really, it doesn't matter what my opinions on Hamlet films are. If any version of the play really speaks to you - even if it's the accursed Branagh version - that is so awesome and makes me really happy people are engaging with the play in that way! (But since you're saying that HAE is your favorite so far, I will add that you have excellent, discerning taste ;))

#hamlet #willy shakes #'not to keep hating on Branagh-' I say like it's not been the leitmotif of my blog for over a decade #I cannot help myself. any opportunity I am throwing down. #shut up e #shakespeare after dark #should we bring that tag back? I feel like we should bring that tag back

[janetsboys]

Can you do a Carl x Rhee reader when the reader gives birth? ( And by chance can the baby be a boy☺️)

The moment

A/N: i really love this + i didn’t have ideas anymore so requests are very well appreciated, i hope you will like it <33 (that was hard to write i hope i portrayed it good😭🫶🏻)

warnings: emotional stuff, giving birth so blood mentioned etc, mentioning of grief (pretty much fluff)

summary: Rhee!reader is carl’s girlfriend and she’s giving birth at the hilltop. fem!reader is glenn and maggie’s adoptive daughter. this happens during season 7 i don’t know when exactly ;)

english is not my first language ;)

You knew you were due for this month and you prepared yourself, you talked a lot about this with your mom who’s also pregnant, ironic isn’t it?

These lasts months were really tough, you had lost your dad, you had a lot of pressure on your shoulders because you had to keep the baby safe with the saviors around you.

A whole war could start at any moment and you were in the middle of that, pregnant as hell with a really really worried boyfriend.

That was a huge problem too, Carl was with you the whole pregnancy, trying to reassure you but he was in fact the most anxious man in the world at that moment.

He got on runs with your dad to get baby products months before you gave birth, he found books about pregnancy risks, some were really worrying so you begged him to stop reading this because it would end badly.

But he still was the most supportive person, always here to help, your mom confessed to you that he had a long talk with her about the situation, that he was very scared.

Maggie was there to help Lori giving birth to Judith, that was really traumatizing for both of them but it made them closer so he wasn’t scared of talking about it with her. Plus she was also pregnant.

You had symptoms telling you that you were going to give birth soon enough. You got all your stuff to the hilltop, you made multiple visits with the doctor Carson, he told you you could start going into labor at any time. When he said that you felt Carl squeezing your hand without even noticing he did.

He looked so focused on what Carson said, you rubbed his hand with your thumb, knowing that this wasn’t going to be easy.

That day, you had really bad contractions so Rick, Michonne and Carl all left Alexandria to take you safely to the Hilltop.

“Y/N, are you okay?” you heard your mom coming out of nowhere when you entered the Hilltop.

“I’m fine” you responded, a hand on your stomach.

“We think she might start to go into labor.” Rick calmly said, holding Michonne’s hand.

Maggie gave you a comforting smile before taking you and Carl to the doctor Carson after telling Rick and Michonne that she got this and they could leave if they had things to do at Alexandria.

Michonne quickly kissed your cheek and Carl’s, Rick gave y’all a reassuring hugs and then they left, scared that Negan could come at Alexandria at any moment.

Everything was pretty slow and even if you were stressed, people around you were so relaxed and acting like this happened everyday that you calmed down.

“How are you miss Rhee?” the doctor asked, “In huge pain but okay.” you laughed, feeling like you got struck by lightning for the 50th time of the morning.

You were laying on the sort of hospital bed, Carl sitting next to you, you felt you were really close to the moment. Carl was very silent, he didn’t want to stress you even more.

Carson made many tests to confirm you would literally give birth today, your cervix was dilated.

You already knew you would have to do this naturally, they didn’t have the equipment for a c-section or an epidural. They also couldn’t give you pain management. You really have to man up for this.

It started hurting more and more, but you had to stay like this for 4 hours, you were sweating and everything, your mom was waiting alone outside, she wouldn’t leave for a second in case the doctor or you would need her.

“Hey, mags, how is it going in there?” Sasha asked, approaching your mom.

“Hi, i don’t really know, i hope she’s okay, i’ve only heard little pain screams so far…The doctor left the room 30 minutes ago he told me to not worry too much. And that she was in good health, and the baby was in a great position.”

“Ugh, you look tired. You should go rest a bit, that can last for a really long time.” “Yeah i know, it’s already been 4 hours and a half. I wanna wait here until i’m sure she’s alright.” Maggie said, resting her head on Sasha’s shoulder.

“You’re a really great mom, you know that?” Sasha said laughing. “Thank you, i’m trying my best!” Maggie answered, closing her eyes.

Sasha rubbed Maggie’s hand “God i wish Glenn was there, it’s so hard to do this without him.” she sighed, tearing up a bit. “I know, i know…” Sasha replied, also closing her eyes.

At the same moment, you still had huge contractions, Carl was caressing your forehead, “It’s gonna be okay.” he tried to comfort you but at that moment, the pain was so big you couldn’t even hear him.

“Ugh, i’m dead serious Carl, we’re never having sex again” you angrily said, looking at him. He had the audacity of laughing then kissed your forehead “We’ll see that later, for now you’re pushing a whole human being out of your vagina, Y/N, i think it’s a bit too late for regrets!”

The doctor came back in the room at that moment, he checked on you and encouraged you to start pushing right now. That’s when you got scared, the baby was going to arrive in maybe two hours, or eight hours you can’t know before it’s here.

After long minutes, you started to feel the baby starting to come out as you were moaning in pain, destroying Carl’s hand by squeezing it like a stressball, you had instructions to take deep breaths, you obviously cried all the tears of your body.

You had flashbacks of all those give birth training when you were laying on the floor, legs opened and breathing like an animal to prepare yourself for this moment. But you couldn’t imagine it would be so painful and uncomfortable.

Carson was looking down there to finally start seeing the baby start to show up. “Okay keep going, keep going Y/N.” he encouraged you as you screamed so loud you almost lost your voice.

You never had that amount of physical pain in your whole life, you cursed a lot of course, then after a really long day, you felt like you ran two hundred marathons and got stabbed fifty times in your vagina, but the baby finally came out entirely.

Carson immediately cut the cordon off, then the baby started crying, you let out a huge relieved sigh with lots of tears because this meant the baby was okay and breathing by it’s own.

He quickly washed off the blood on your baby then wrapped it around a little warm cover. He gently gave it to you, “And here’s your son.” you started sobbing as you felt his little body against your chest, you learnt at the same time that it was a baby boy.

As soon as you saw him you knew your dad sent that baby from heaven just for you, Carl put his hand on the baby’s back, you’ve never seen your boyfriend crying of happiness like this, he seemed so overwhelmed.

He looked at the doctor “It’s- it’s a boy?”, Carson nodded as Carl smiled at him, tears rolling down his eyes “Congratulations.” He left the room to let you in your intimacy.

For the first few minutes, you guys didn’t say a word, the room was completely silent. You felt your son’s heartbeat and caressed his hair (of course you had a hairy baby just like everyone predicted when you announced your pregnancy).

After that really sweet moment, you got a little bit up to pass the baby to his daddy of course.

They finally met, the baby that made Carl crazily stressed out for 9 whole months was in his arms.

He looked at his son with simply fascinated eyes, it felt unreal to him, that baby was an angel, he couldn’t realize it was his own son.

He started sobbing, letting out all his worries, the bad memories of his mother giving birth in terrible conditions, his mom that had to sacrifice herself for his little sister, that image was finally replaced by the love of his life giving birth in a beautiful way.

Carl couldn’t leave his eye of his son, he was mesmerized by this sleepy little human. He never imagined feeling like this, loving someone you don’t even know yet, someone you literally created feels so surreal.

He was so close to his son during the pregnancy, always touching your belly, talking to him, trying to hear his heartbeat, he needed this proximity with him and now that he’s there, he doesn’t know how to act. He wants to hug him forever and protect him against anything. Carl could die right now for this baby.

“You’re the cutest little man ever.” he sobbed letting these words out.

You were watching him in tears, you remember how scared you were of announcing your pregnancy to Carl, now you see how happy you made him, how much he loves you. You’re just starting a family with the person you love the most.

After everything y’all have been through, you finally get this peaceful moment, you can finally see Carl get the family he always dreamed of, you in your hospital bed watching your boyfriend holding your tiny son in his arms.

“He’s got your hair, Carl.” you bursted into laughing as Carl started to laugh and cry at the same time. “Oh shut up!” he couldn’t even see anything because of the amount of water in his eye.

“That’s it, he’s there!” Carson smiled to Maggie and Sasha, Maggie stood up with a worried face and teary eyes. “It’s a boy? She’s okay?” she frenetically asked as Sasha was rubbing her back. “She’s perfectly fine and their son is too.” he answered winking at your mother.

She let go tears before turning around, Sasha took her in her arms so gently.

You got a whole night and day of resting after this, you had a lot of pain and work so you were really weak after giving birth. You took a long time to stay with Carl and your son before you fell asleep against Carl’s caresses as he told you you don’t have to worry, he’ll take care of your son while you’re resting.

You woke up and took a shower even though it was hard to walk and you had to wear some sort of baby diapers because of the blood coming out after giving birth.

You came back to the room and sat back down into your bed “I wasn’t joking when i said we’re never having sex again, do you know how much that hurts?” you said looking at Carl feeding the baby. “I assure you we’re still having sex just- with a condom on. But, imagine if we would’ve been intelligent persons, we wouldn’t have the cutest baby ever.“

He said with a sassy tone. “And, maybe we should finally give him a name, now he’s opened his blue eyes, tomorrow he’s gonna start walking!” he said jokingly.

“The tradition likes the first boy born to be named after one of his grandpas.” you answered looking at your son, with kinda sad eyes.

“We’re certainly not naming him Rick. That baby looks like a Glenn to me.” when Carl said this smiling, you felt your heart shattering. You lost your dad not long ago and this was just the right thing to do to heal your heart.

“Do you like it?” Carl obviously noticed you crying, he lied down the baby on his bed to come hug you and wipe off your tears.

An hour later, Maggie came to visit y’all in your room. Carson had made a little sign with a tigre drawing where it was written “Glenn Grimes” with a little angel drawn next to his name.

Maggie ran to you and kissed your forehead “How are you guys?” she emotionally asked before walking to Carl to give him a huge hug. “We’re more than good.” He said rubbing her back to reassure her.

“Look at your grandson, mom.” she walked to his carriage and you saw the look on her face when she read his name.

It didn’t fail to make her start crying, “I’m so thankful to have you.” she struggled to say as she walked to you to hug you. “I love you so much.” she whispered. “I love you so much mom. You should take him in your arms.” you said kissing her cheek.

As she was holding her grandson for the first time, Rick and Michonne entered the room. You saw Michonne’s mouth wide opened when she saw the baby in Maggie’s arms, they both stopped walking out of shock.

You heard a “Dear god” from Michonne and saw a smile on Rick’s face.

They both came to you to give you a kiss and congratulations. Rick ran to Carl to hug him and congratulate him too, Maggie looked at Rick smiling and passed him your son “And here’s Glenn Grimes in his grandpa’s arms” when Maggie said this, Rick’s face lightened, tears formed in his eyes, he looked at the newborn with pure love.

Michonne was looking at them, holding Carl, rubbing his back, trying to contain her own tears.

Rick turned to her “Come hold your grandson.”

Carl winked to her and she walked to Rick, “Hello little Glenn junior.” that’s when she lost it and started crying. You knew this would end up with everyone crying but you were so happy.

Carl came to sit with you as all the very young grandparents were fascinated by Glenn jr.

“You gave birth to an angel, Y/N” he said, holding you tightly against him, stroking your hair and kissing your temple. You closed your eyes, against his chest. You sent all your love to your dad. You truly believe this is all thanks to him.

You’re devastated that he will never meet his grandson, you know he would’ve loved him so much. He was the first one you told about your pregnancy and he was the happiest for you.

“Dad would’ve loved that angel.” you say with a little voice. “I’m glad your dad is his guardian angel. He’s watching him very closely Y/N.” Carl’s voice went straight to your heart. You know your dad will always be there for your son.

“I’m sure your mom is also going to watch over him.” you respond. Carl kissed you softly, thinking about how his mom would’ve been so proud of him.

“I can’t wait for people at Alexandria to meet him.” you told your boyfriend. “I can’t wait to see Judith. She’s gonna be so excited.” he says giggling about this thought.

————————————————————————————

thank you so much for the request, this was hard to write i hope i did a good job🫶🏻

don’t be shy guys send me requests i love seeing your ideas and i’m really opened about pretty much everything!

#carl grimes #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes x y/n #carl grimes x you #the walking dead #reader insert #twd carl

[appleflavoredkitkats]

do you have any headcanons on what russell went through during his time with the utopians?

HELLO ISSY!! im in the middle of plotting my version of ivywood so i have SOME things... but not everything is fully fleshed out! here r some of them (under the cut!)

since it's sort of implied that russell's been raised there since birth/childhood, i feel like his parents only joined because they were struggling financially, which the utopians would have aided

i do think russell would have HATED the strict regulations at a young age. like obviously, he would still grow to adapt to some things (ie. desperate need to prove himself worthy, because the utopians would have deprived that of their followers) but to me, russell is just too much of a curious child. he wouldn't have kept his curiosities at bay, especially since he loved learning about more mind-boggling things like cryptic codes, linguistics, the human brain, etc. at a young age

i think this guy! would have been a very lonely child! esp since he's austistic and trans! since he's afab, i feel like his autism diagnosis would have come in late (like maybe 10 years old?) and that's the same time he would have realized he was trans. so he basically became a disappointment amongst the utopians. like parents would tell their kids that russell would be the child NOT to imitate u get me

but i feel like as much as i think russell would come out of this with insecurities, i think his pride is one of the reasons that got him out of there in the first place? and i mean, call him egotistical all you want, but the last thing russell would want to do is doubt his capabilities because that's EXACTLY what the utopians would have wanted.

in my version of ivywood, i made "once upon a crime" happen AFTER "wild wild death" because i hc that trevor neuman was responsible for russell's interest in psychology. but don't get it twisted, he doesn't rlly like the kid- rather, the higher-ups in utopia saw potential in his intelligence and wanted to profit off of that. to me, russell might have possibly made the foundations for their brainwashing mechanism, but russell himself doesn't realize that it actually works

i do think russell was genuinely close to his parents, although they don't get along all the time because the two are depressed servants of the cult. i do think russell would have had a closer bond to his mother though. i'd like to think she actually helped russell escape at 16. the only reason she didn't go with him was because she wanted to convince jupiter to go with her, but he adamantly refused out of fear.

the higher-ups definitely knew that caroline (russell's mom) assisted his escape and so they would have murdered her and framed it as an accident. when this happened, they utilized jupiter's grief to make him stay in utopia even longer.

after hearing news about his mom's death, russell would have sneakily watched the funeral from afar. that's when he received the note that says he has nowhere to hide.

i need to flesh this out even more, but i definitely think russell reached out to the pbpd after he escaped. i think it would be funny if andrea assigned frank to look after him, at least up until russell finds a secure job to move out lol. there is a reason these two are at each other's throats all the time !

to return to the utopians though, i genuinely think that the fact russell was raised in a cult fucked up his sense of identity and vulnerability, in a sense that. this mfker HATES showing his true self to anyone in fear of it being used against him. his flirty, manipulative mask is definitely just. a mask. because it's a survival skill he developed after escaping !

moreover i do think he gets impostor syndrome sometimes because as much as he's a genuinely prideful person, sometimes he thinks he feels the need to grab everyone's attention because he was so deprived of it when he was young. so sometimes he does have to grapple with that, because he HATES thinking that a part of him is still disgustingly utopian

#OWKI gonna hold it off there before i keep going on tangents #hope u enjoy these! #russell crane #criminal case #criminal case pacific bay #ccpb #headcanons #cult tw

[midnightdelights-if]

[Midnight Delights]

Genre(s): Modern/Low Fantasy

Rating: 18+ for explicit depictions of violence, blood, and death, discussions of torture, kidnapping, sexual content (optional), mentions of past child abuse, xenophobia (between supernaturals and humans), one or two instances of sexism and classism, body horror, gore, and explicit language.

Link(s): DEMO (TBA) | PINTEREST

Asks: All types of asks are welcome (including explicit asks which will be tagged as midnightsins).

Disclaimer: this IF is based off of a book series called The Morganville Vampires.

Other IF account: @kaiwrites-if

WELCOME TO ALOISWICK!

THE TOWN WHERE ALL YOUR TROUBLES ARE

DRAINED AWAY

You play as a Divine, a child of a blessed line. Ancient blood runs through your veins, granting you mastery over life and death. Trained from a young age to slay the supernatural, you’ve often found yourself wondering if there’s more to life than the hand that you’ve been dealt.

Fortunately, most creatures are few and far between these days, and you, the ever reluctant destroyer, have finally been granted the chance to finish your physics doctorate at the university of Aloiswick, a town in the middle of nowhere, Aotearoa, New Zealand.

What you weren’t expecting were the three housemates who were completely incapable of staying out of trouble, nor were you expecting that the sleepy, run-down town that you now temporarily called your base was actually home to the remnants of the vampire population.

If you're discovered, you'll be forced into a situation that you have no desire to be in. So you plan to lay low, finish your research, and go, but unfortunately, the universe has never been that kind to you.

Customisable MC (gender (cis + trans), pronouns, appearance, sexuality, height, body type, hair colour/length/style, eye colour(s), skin colour, scars, etc…)

Set skills include weapon mastery, hand-to-hand combat, high intelligence, basic mastery over elemental powers.

Non-traditional vampire lore.

Variations/flavour text depending on gender.

Six ROs to possibly romance. Two triad poly options available and one quad poly option. Options for platonic and QPR will also be available.

Found family.

Jace/Jade Cooper [Cis!M/Cis!F]

24 | 6’2ft | Bisexual | Based on: Shane Collins

With a hot temper, a charismatic attitude, and a degree in sarcasm, it’s no wonder that Jace/Jade has been branded the ‘local troublemaker and resident heartbreaker’. On the surface, they seem to take pride in their titles, but beneath that, is a cesspool of grief and survivors guilt. Due to this, Jace/Jade claims that they would do anything to protect their loved ones, and after baring witness to their brutal fighting style and near predatory instincts, you don’t doubt that.

Jace/Jade is not difficult to romance, and their route can either be fast or slow burn. They love fiercely and with all their heart, and they would do anything to protect you from harm.

[Character Page]

Aslan/Asena Kaminski/a [Cis!M/Cis!F]

25 | 5’10ft | Demiromantic, Bisexual | Based on: Michael Glass

Aslan/Asena seems like they have their life together. A nice house, a cushy job, and friends and family who love them. However, you are quickly coming to learn that even the seemingly sanest people have a deep routed darkness within them. Their elegant charm, calming presence, and knack for mediation allows you to feel comfortable and at home in company, but you can’t help but wonder if anyone truly knows Aslan/Asena, including themself.

Aslan/Asena is not difficult to romance, but their route is on the slower burn side. They are a complicated soul, but they will love you passionately and without regret.

[Character Page]

Shae Peters [NB]

24 | 5'7ft | Pansexual | Based on: Eve Rosser

If you looked up the definition of ‘bubbly’ in the dictionary, you would likely find a picture of Shae. Xe wears xyr heart upon xyr sleeve, and is one of the most genuinely sweet people that you’ve ever met. Although excitable and at times, a major drama queen(gn), when needed, Shae can be as cold-hearted as the rest. With a quiet anger to match Jace/Jade’s burning one, Shae is not someone to underestimate, especially when it comes to something as important as xyr families safety.

Shae is not difficult to romance, and xyr route can either be fast or slow burn. Falling in love with Shae feels natural, like it could have been something you were always meant to do.

[Character Page]

Eirian [Cis!M/Cis!F/NB]

200+ (27) | 6'4ft | Panromantic, Demisexual | Based on: Myrnin

Eirian is a mystery to all. As a pureblood vampire with a mind to rival that of the greats, ze could easily be a huge threat to Céléna’s reign. Lucky for them, Eirian has no desire to rule over anyone, and is content to stay in the background. For now. Unfortunately, ze is completely unpredictable, and with zir cheerful disposition, most never see the warning signs of an incoming decision change. Eirian also has a vicious territorial streak which can make zir unpredictability even more dangerous. However, for reasons you can’t fathom, ze seems to develop a soft spot for you right from your very first meeting.

Eirian is not necessarily difficult to romance, but zir route is slow burn. However, once you’re zirs, ze would defy the laws of reality in order to simply see you smile.

[Character Page]

Tarak/Talia [Trans!M/Trans!F]

300+ (40) | 5'8ft | Demiromantic, Demisexual | Based on: Oliver

When you first met them, they seemed laid-back and unassuming. Trustworthy even. It doesn’t take long for you to realise that there’s something not quite right about them though. Tarka/Talia is stoic and authoritative, and is constantly vying against Céléna for the chance to rule Aloiswick. Despite this, you wouldn’t class them as a bad person, especially not when you’ve seen them giving away free coffees and sandwiches to those who are less well off. Tarka/Talia might be ruthless, but they’re also kind, no matter how much they deny it.

Tarak/Talia is difficult to romance, but with their love comes a feeling of safety and warmth. They would defend you against all others.

[Character Page]

Céléna [NB-F]

900+ (25) | 5'1ft I Demiromantic, Asexual | Based on: Amelie

Cold, calculating, and powerful. A queen with almost a millennium of experience, and bodies, behind them and a willingness to sacrifice anything or anyone to protect their people, Céléna is not someone that you’d desire to have as an enemy. Which makes it all the more shocking when you see just how much she cares about Aloiswick and it’s people. So much so that it has almost destroyed her on several occasions. Is there more to this ice queen than you’ve been lead to believe?

Céléna is difficult to romance, but once you have their love, you will never want for anything again. She would give you everything she was capable of.

[Character Page]

Poly options: A/Shae (triad), J/Eirian (triad), & J/A/Shae (quad).

#midnight delights #interactive fiction #interactive novel #if wip #cog wip

[fairycosmos]

I'm sorry to do this bc I know you get so many ppl venting and you have your own shit to deal with and yet ppl on here constantly implicitly ask you to console them which is incredibly emotionally labour intensive. However all that being said. I found out my cat who is 9 but is very young looking and active and shows no sign of pain or suffering has large cell lymphoma (general prognosis 6-9 months) and I'm literally broken. She's my best friend. I've been through years where I've had no friends but I've always had her and she's everything to me and I've known a lot of cats who live to late teens so I had expected that for her and this has come out of nowhere and is just so soul destroying because she is my whole world and I love her so so much. she's literally saved my life (have been at the point of kms so many times but didn't for her) and now she probably wont be here next year and I don't know how to keep existing without her and I didn't know who else to tell. I really appreciate your kind and honest presence on this site it's very cleansing and healing and ik this is a parasocial thing to say/feel but you are like a friend to so many. so thanks. even just having a space to say this stuff is invaluable. You have helped and comforted and offered love and insight to so many people despite your own suffering. Much love to you, I hope the universe treats you with lots of kindness going forward.

i am so so sorry to hear this - sometimes i honestly can't believe how cruel life can be. i wish there was something tangible i could say that would make a change to what you're feeling but my experience with grief (all types of grief esp preemptive grief like what you're dealing with) has proven to me that words often ring hollow when you're going through it. i do want to offer some understanding and some comfort despite that, i just know it may be hard for you to register right now and that's alright. losing a pet is so so deeply painful and it's completely normal to be devastated and taken aback by this news - anyone would be. at the same time it sounds like your cat is deeply lucky to have you and to be loved so completely by someone. while what you're both going through is horrific, i am so glad she has you to take care of her and that she ended up having a wonderful life with you - the gift you have given her and continue to give her every day just by being her owner is huge and i hope you continue to remind yourself that as you confront there next few months. she is warm and fed and taken care of and she has the best chance of living longer with her condition bc of the care and love you continue to show her. i know this is much much easier said than done but please try to take it one day at a time and make every moment count with her - it's easy to get lost in the idea of losing her but she is still here and you still have time together, albeit not as much time as you both deserve. i can't stand how much of a gamble of luck everything seems to be and how horrible things happen to ppl and animals who truly deserve so much more - that anger, despair and incredulity still hits me day after day and i feel it very hard on your behalf rn. you have every right in the world to process that sense of feeling like your soul has been destroyed on whatever timeline works for you. as long as you continue to move forward, hour to hour or minute to minute despite it all.

are you able to talk to any friends/family about this? i only ask bc pet loss is one of the hardest things in the world to go through and i think having some sort of super system could make the days feel a little more manageable. if not, please feel free to message me and share updates, stories, vents etc about your cat and how you're doing - i lost my childhood dog a few yrs back and i do understand. it's such a heavy feeling to carry around with you all the time. i would also recommend joining a pet loss support group as another option too, bc so so many people sadly completely get what youre going through. i hope your little girl is doing OK today and that you are taking care of yourself as much as you feel able to as you process this news. if you need to break down, go to sleep, scream, punch pillows, be numb - that's alright. there's no wrong way to react to this. i just hope you give yourself some grace as you do. sending so so much love to you both - and thank you so much for the insanely kind words by the way. you didn't have to say that and it really made my night better that you did. so sorry you're in this position. X

#anon #ask chloe

[heardchef]

Okay, so, can I offer a perspective as a viewer with no shipping expectations/affiliations whatsoever? 

What I respect a huge amount about the writers and Storer is that they seem genuinely determined to make sure that the woman characters in the show are whole people, with stories and lives that exist outside of their connection to the main character (Carmy). I do think that’s admirable. And I also get the sense — especially having seen the reaction to the romantic storylines being what it has been — that the resolution on their part to come out and say, ‘No, it’s never happening between them’, might have something to do with *all that*, tangentially. Which is to say, would Sydney as a character suffer to be considered as a whole apart from her relationship with Carmen if that’s where they went with it? Or would she be reduced to just that; just her relationship *to* him? Because, internet fandom do be weird like that sometimes.

But, I do also think that people are underestimating what the *intention* of Carmen with Claire — and Syd with her Dad, Marcus with his Mom, The Berzattos with The Berzattos, Richie with his ex/daughter, Tina with School, etc — was, this season. Storer said that it was always meant to be a season where we meet who these characters are outside of who they are to each other, and the restaurant. And so because we get to leave the restaurant, when we’re back there, it feels like more. It feels like being trapped in a pressure cooker (or, a walk-in, if you will). Because everyone is all in, and the risk has to work, or they’re all screwed. And it all means more to us, the audience, as well, because we know exactly what there is to loose. 

Part of the point with Claire specifically, to my mind, was always to properly bring Carmen home. He’d been holed up in The Beef since he got back, pointedly avoiding his life outside of those four walls. And so, when he’s forced back into it, he’s forced to accept that he *is* home — that people know him, that there’s nowhere for him to hide. He’s forced to accept who he is to other people, and to understand who he is, without Michael. He’s not just Chef, he’s Brother/Friend/Son/Uncle/Man. And so in facing that — that, despite himself, he does exist outside of a kitchen — it was always going to be that he went with safe if he went anywhere. Girl he’s been in love with since he was in school who knows his family and all his shit and who he doesn’t have to get to know because he already knows her, and who already knows him? That’s safe. Living up to an idea of himself that people already had? That's baby steps.

(And beyond just that, beyond trying for safe, is it really so unrealistic that Carmy would be bad at balancing life and work? He’s literally never done it before, by any measure.)

But another thing I think the final episode makes clear, is that Carmy had, at least subconsciously, been avoiding taking on the full responsibly of the risk he — the great hope, Food and Wine's Best New Chef — has lead everyone into taking. He lets Nat handle it, and he lets Syd handle it, he lets Jimmy handle it, and he even lets Fak and Richie handle it. But he was always terrified of handling it. And to be honest, he never really does — he doesn’t cram or keep his skills warm or go on a tasting adventure all over Chicago. He regresses into habits he had from before, that contributed to making him the wreck that he is, and he actively avoids having to confront the reality of work by escaping into not-work.

And so that’s where we’re left — with everyone a mess, in a mess. Season Three: Season One, Electric Boogaloo. 

i talked about this a little bit before [here].

i think that part of the reason why people want to a see a romance between syd and carmy is because of how well-developed, interesting, and nuanced the women in this show are. i think people want to see romance tackled as beautifully and intricately as this show has tackled grief, addiction, and mental health.

i agree with your points about claire. yeah, this season was about expanding horizons and experiencing life outside of the kitchen. i understand what her purpose was for carmy, being the guiding hand to show him that yes, there is more than these four walls you trap yourself in. you are more than your work. i just think the execution was a little lackluster.

people calling her carmy's pete isn't the compliment they think it is. we don't see pete much but when we do see him he doesn't exist just to act as nat's lighting rod for all of her negative emotions. is he that sometimes? yeah, for sure! his relationship with nat is a big part of his character but he gets to exist out of that and i don't think claire was afforded that same dimensionality.

at the end of the day i truly do not give a flying fuck what this show does with romance, who ends up with who, or any of that. that's not what got me into the show and it's not what'll keep me invested. i just want to watch a show about a motley crew of chefs and how they evolve and change.

i appreciate you offering your perspective! sidenote: i found it sweet how carmy picks-up drawing again after reconnecting with claire. he's still drawing his ideas but instead of pants it's food. he may not be able to handle the responibilities he's faced with or balance his two lives but he knows how to handle some prismacolors lmao.

but, yeah. shitshow for season 3, shitshow for season 3, shitshow for season—

#the bear #the bear fx #the bear season 2 #the bear spoilers #ask

[genderkoolaid]

"Frustrated in their quest for father bonding, boys often feel tremendous sorrow and depression. They can mask these feelings because they are allowed to isolate themselves, to turn away from the world and escape into music, television, video games, etc. There is no emotional outlet for the grief of the disappointed teenage boy. Being able to mourn the loss of emotional connection with his father would be a healthy way to cope with disappointment. But boys have no space to mourn. This need for a space to grieve is poignantly portrayed in the film Life as a House. Learning that he has cancer and only a short time to live, the father in the film seeks to connect with his sexually confused, angry, drug-using teenage son, who lives with his mother and stepfather. In the short time he lives with his dad, the son is able to develop an emotional connection. When the son finds out that his dad is dying, he rages about being offered love that is not going to last. In Donald Dutton’s study of abusive men, The Batterer, he observes that there are few male models for grieving, and he emphasizes that “men in particular seem incapable of grieving and mourning on an individual basis. Trapped by a world that tells them boys should not express feelings, teenage males have nowhere to go where grief is accepted.” As much as grown-ups complain about adolescent male anger, most adults are more comfortable confronting a raging teenager than one who is overwhelmed by sorrow and cannot stop weeping. Boys learn to cover up grief with anger; the more troubled the boy, the more intense the mask of indifference. Shutting down emotionally is the best defense when the longing for connection must be denied."

— The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks (2004)

#m. #antimasculism #the will to change #quotes

[aotr]

I didn't upload screenshots because I think this one question to one answer looks more convenient. If you guys want me to upload screenshots to prove authenticity, I will.

1. What kind of people will they crush on?

1. Fureddo gets a crush on girls with high status. Rich girls, famous girls, models, etc. Dafuni is similar; she is attracted to guys with high status. Beruma just wants to meet a guy who has similar interests to herself. Rojasu is attracted to any girl that is pretty; he doesn't have a "type", he loves all pretty girls. Sukubi has never gotten a crush on someone, and doesn't know what his "type" is.

2. What do Rojasu and Beruma (who I think are the two extremes of the photography club. The best and the worst learners, the tallest and the shortest, etc.) think about each other?

2. Rojasu thinks that Beruma seems like a "Fujoshi," but he still appreciates her as a friend. Beruma thinks that Rojasu will go nowhere with his life and become a "Freeter," but she still appreciates him as a friend.

3. How would Fureddo react if a member died because of the investigation (atmosphere is below 80%)?

3. Shock, intense sadness and grief, anger at the murderer, guilt for getting his friend involved in the investigation.

4. Assume they are faced with a dilemma: only one of themselves and a stranger can survive. Who of them will choose to save themselves? (Just themselves and a stranger, two people, no other members. Sorry my English description might be wrong ......)

4. In a situation where they have to choose between their own life and a stranger's life, they would choose to save the stranger. All 5 of them.

5. How would they react if they found a bug under their desk?

5. Fureddo would flick it away. Dafuni would scream. Beruma would attempt to identify the species of the bug. Rojasu would think it was creepy, but would ignore it. Sukubi would try to catch it and make friends with it and keep it as a pet.

#yandere simulator #fureddo jonzu #sukubi dubidu #dafuni bureiku #Sukubi dubidu #Beruma dinkuri

[anachronistic-falsehood]

giving u a free ticket 2 talk about qsmp more bc its fun 🎟🎟 tell me about jaiden. i only vaguely see people talking about jaiden and i just think shes a cool person in general (<< used 2 watch her animation videos ALL the time) so i wanna know what shes up to :]

OH DUDE. INSANE ABOUT QJAIDEN FR. i don't watch her pov often so a lot of this might be off but like. i will not stop thinking about her ever. okay. so jaiden and roier. platonic partners forever and ever <3 they had a son named bobby and he was just the SILLIEST little guy ever on the planet!!! such a little shit!!! and he was so so caring and loving!!! he DIED. ok. he DIED and it was SAD. and roier coped by hiding his grief with jokes, but jaiden just kind of. wallowed in her grief. she let it consume her. and CUCURUCHO CAME ALONG and started hanging out with her and being nice to her. and like. ok. whatever u weird ass bear.

but like. the way she treated cucurucho kind of got similar to the way she treated bobby. and ALL OF US could see that that fucking THING was trying to manipulate her by being a fucking STAND-IN FOR HER SON. and jaiden is not stupid or naive, she definitely realized that she was trying to fill this bobby shaped hole in her heart with cucurucho, but she kind of just. let it happen. it was better to use this love on something than let it sit there with nowhere else to go and turn into more grief. yk.

it's kind of canon that jaiden was involved with the federation somehow before arriving on the island. none of us know HOW. also she has wings!!! she's a parrot hybrid which is really cool!!! but we also know that the feds did horrible experiments on other bird people like baghera and quackity and they're messing with phil. THEY HATE BIRDS I GUESS. also she can't fly. she either doesn't remember how to or never learned how in the first place, and that second option has some WILD implications if u think about her mostly unknown past with the feds

OK now it gets kind of complicated bc GUESS WHAT there are multiple cucuruchos. there's one that types All proper and normal, with correct grammar and punctuation, like this. and another one that types KARKAT STYLE IN ALL CAPS AND IS VERY SILLY!!! and the all caps one (i think??) is called osito bimbo by some of the islanders. at some point jaiden was... not rly kidnapped???? but i guess like. recruited by the federation to spend two weeks training osito bimbo because he wasn't a very proper cucurucho. and these two weeks FUCKED HER UP. she got MORE emotionally attached to the cucuruchos. they are some of the only living(?) things she can count on. she is DEEP in the shit now. even after learning about horrible things that one or more of the cucuruchos have done (the cellbit chainsaw torture, the felps kidnapping, etc etc) she kind of brushed that off as like "oh they were just being silly!!!!" like Girl These People Are Traumatized. So Are You. GET HELP. like she's fully aware that the federation is bad, but she separated cucurucho from the federation in her mind so she doesn't have to feel bad about caring for cucurucho. she's really close with people who have been wronged by the feds and/or cucurucho but she just. can't let go of this lifeline. cucurucho is so important to her, just like bobby. she can't give that up.

my beloved grieving mother/flightless bird/federation favourite <3 she is so interesting i'm going to start ripping up floorboards

#qsmp #friend tag :3 #SHE'S SO INTERESTING TO MEEEEEEEE #i need to watch her pov more i love her so so much #also btw they stole like. spawnable mini clones from the federation. so now they have itty bitty versions of themselves #and jaiden named her minime BALLS???????????? with about that many question marks #and so if u have seen recent clips of jaiden and/or others screaming BALLS?????????? at a tiny jaiden that would be why <3 #i love BALLS??????????? all my homies love BALLS???????????

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

Hi Sarah! Sorry for the rant but I am personally struggling with Tortured Poets because nowhere on the songs themselves do I get any suggestion at all that Taylor herself once believed this relationship was the so-called moment of insanity she describes in the prologue. She sounds as adamantly and wholeheartedly sincere in her feelings on these songs as she sounds on the songs when she talks about her obsession and love for Joe after first meeting him (Gorgeous, KOMH, Cruel Summer, Delicate, Cornelia Street etc). Even if The Smallest Man is the last thing she wrote about the situation (which I don't think it is, based on her grief playlists I would point to CoSoSoM as likely being amongst the last), she literally says she would have died for his sins. Basically saying, everything was fine and it was all going according to plan then the only thing that went wrong was him abruptly leaving her with no explanation that she could make sense of and so she spiraled trying to find an explanation for herself and all she could come up with was 'insanity',,,,BUT I don't hear that on the music itself. It's not Dear John where you can clearly hear a young girl admonishing an older man for taking advantage of her. Even prologue included, the entire album is her listing off all the strong, sincere feelings she felt for this person (he said something to Lucy, well she said it to Jack too!), the grand gestures she made (swirling him into her poems, making plans together) and how much it made her feel and then just raging over him leaving her afterwards,,,,which he is allowed to do if something happened or if his feelings changed or he felt unsettled. And it bothers me that the ONE flaw she seems to point to during the relationship itself is him 'sinking to stoned oblivion'. Like, yes, someone with an addict personality will do that. Idk, the...'teenage petulance' of it all makes it hard to digest for me.

Hi! You’re totally permitted for this album to be hard to digest for you. I also think that’s by design.

My only suggestion is to let the prologue explain the songs and not the other way around. Because the songs are sincere in that she really did believe all those things truly deeply when she was in them. And it’s only in hindsight is she able to see her choices no longer in the heady moment she was in but on the other side.

I could be reading your note incorrectly, so please let me know if not but I’m inferring from your phrasing that you don’t believe that she went off the rails and crazy trying to make sense of what happened and the retconning of 'insanity' is a stretchy explanation. I think for me having seen friends go through similar situations of loving and being left by toxic people that it’s an experience that makes you question literally everything about your life so I believe it.

And if that still doesn’t change anything for you, that’s okay! You’re not obligated to enjoy everything she makes and if this doesn’t do it for you, that is so okay.

#tss ttpd party