#lotus picking ripples

[lovenikkiclothes]

Based around the dress ‘Lotus Picking: Ripples’.

#love nikki #tune of shang #lotus picking ripples #pupils of night #flowers and fireflies #record youth #brilliant light #blessed aeolian bell smoke #flowers in the yard

[idyllcy]

and i wouldn't marry me either

word count: 20.1k

warnings: ANGST. hurt/comfort, over the seasons/winning you back

summary: You come to a slow realization in one spring, and a revelation in another.

春

To be plucked, nurtured, raised, and presented on a platter all for the sake of securing someone's position for the throne. To be placed beside said person and never used. To be nothing more than a tool perfected only to be abandoned before use.

Your lashes flutter as you wander around the palace, pausing to stare at the lotus in the pond, and you ponder the whereabouts of your betrothed. The wind flutters behind you as you stare pitifully at the lilypads, stepping down from the path and onto the grass to touch the water. The dress around your body is tucked behind you by a maid as your fingers brush the water, and you pause, heart rippling in your chest. Something. Anything. You have fulfilled your duty as the most ideal woman in the palace, and now you were to be wed and desired. Yet, one whom you were prepared for did not desire you.

You stay crouched by the pond, and the maids to the other palaces bustle behind you as you stare into nothing.

A quiet woman is to be desired. A gentle woman is to be adored. An obedient wife is every man's dream.

You get up after a while, and you stare at the robes on your body. Pink for the lotus flowers. You wonder how many times you have worn the dresses prepared by the late empress for her ideal daughter in law only to never have been seen by the man you were nurtured for. You hear word of your betrothed and his new maid, and you hear tales about how he desired her and approached her with all these thoughts in mind. You cannot help but wonder what you were created for prior to being picked by the empress.

The wind rustles the leaves above you as you get up, and someone bangs a pot in the background.

Somewhere, there is a rope fraying.

You step back onto the pathing, and you head off to continue wandering. You know the path, each stone and slot of wood stained with a memory that you could never erase from the back of your mind. In your palace that you are to share with your betrothed, there is something staining your fingertips and heart. In the palace of your future and past, there is a drop of your sweat on each tile and piece, each plank and pillar, every color and china. In the palace of the present, you embody everything you can touch and feel. Your skin and body lives in the palace, a shell for your hollow heart.

You wonder if your courses on decorating a house according to what is best for fengshui were helpful. What was the point of decorating a residence if your betrothed never visited you? You wonder and think, fingers swiping to check the maids' cleaning, and you leave the room to return to your tea room, enjoying a cup of tea. You plant so many flowers only to never be visited. You decorate each room to perfectly only to be never seen. You fan yourself with your hand, almost as though you were fanning such pointless thoughts away. A house is to represent its owner. It is not a shell for your hollow heart, it is an abode that will be filled with love one day.

It is an abode that will be filled with love one day, an abode that is currently hollow.

You retire for the night, and the maids leave you to rest as Jinshi enters his corner of the palace, lashes fluttering and his heart souring as he looks at you with something akin to pity. He brushes your hair to the side as he looks down at you, closing his eyes to listen to the summer breeze whisper secrets of his into his ear. The flowers blossom outside, and his shoulder sink, his head heavy as you breathe quietly without a care in the world.

His bride to be.

His wife to be.

A girl picked carefully out of a field and nurtured to be the greatest empress one day. he pities you. You will never be chosen, and it hurts him that you were promised something you could not have nor be loved by. He glances around the room at the decorations, and he hums, lips curled into a sweet smile. It's homey. It's clear you had put thorough thought into where you were told you were to spend your future with him in, but it hurts him that he would not be here with you in the future. Too selfish to throw you away, yet too selfish to fall in love with you.

His heart belongs to someone else.

So, as he slides the door shut behind him to head back to his room, he can't help but wonder what is to become of you when he finally marries someone else. Perhaps you will find yourself, or maybe you will become a shell of what you were made to be, hollow from the inside out and unsure of what to do with the rest of your life. To be a doll and to be grown all for his sake only to be never touched... Jinshi wonders if you know what you want to do if you were to have had a choice in the matter. You did not pick to be as delicate as a flower, after all.

The moon is gorgeous, just a shame that he could not make you the center of his affections.

So Jinshi leaves, wind rustling the tree you planted in your sixth year of life's branches, the lotus flowers planted recently bobbing in the water as the pond rustles from the goose lands on the water, and he closes his eyes, listening to the crickets and noticing the lights in the hallway. A maid nods at him as he passes, and the wood of the residence creaks under his feet, almost as if to warn him to stay away if he would only hurt you.

It was neither of you's choice to end up where you are.

So his only choice made will be to pick his wife.

夏

In summer, you swap the warmer blankets to silk, and you change the coloring to something brighter. It did not matter if Jinshi did not visit you. It only mattered that the residence were still run like a residence. So, the maids swap everything out as you are left to your own again, and you wear lighter clothes, drinking tea alone in your tearoom as you watch the ducks kick in the pond. The residence lacks life. You have no child as you are unmarried, and you are stuck in some sort of crossroad of destiny as you wait for your betrothed to do something.

He does not want you. You know that at the very least.

So, you spend your days drawing, brush wet against the paper as you draw, and you spend your days singing, hoping that somewhere along the lines, you would find something that made you shine in a glass cage. You are nothing if Jinshi does not treasure you. Yet, you do not speak or dare to make more of a sound whenever the maids from the other palaces drop by to request of your presence for their consorts. You are something. You are worth something. You are only worth something because you are still Jinshi's most anticipated betrothed. Yet, all the consorts know that you are not the ideal choice.

You glance at Maomao, lips spreading into a smile as you greet the consort Gyokuyou.

You have tea with her, updating her about the latest news that her maids cannot reach, and you blink at the flower in the tea, smiling apologetically as you ask if you could share another drink. Your eyes trail to her developing baby bump, and you switch topics to how her health has been lately. She tells you it has been fine. A green tea is brought in, and you press the drink to your lips as she continues talking to you.

"Ah, did you hear? Your betrothed has recently taken in a new maid."

"I know." You smile, eyes landing on Maomao. "I heard he had been making unwelcome moves on her as well."

Maomao nods.

"Well, the man's want needs to be placed somewhere." She smiles. "I do hope you take no offense in that."

You laugh. "None taken. He does not want me. I am aware of that much."

Maomao looks at you almost with pity. You do not mind, much used to the look already. Neither of you chose to end up where you currently are. You suppose the difference between her and you is that she is knowledgeable in something specifically while you are knowledgeable in everything generally. It is who you are, and it is who you were raised to be. There is no you without the title of betrothed attached to it. You will be forced to live how you were raised unless you had a reaction and changed. What is there to change in an unchanging environment? Even if you were to change, there would be no difference around you. You are born and raised to be Jinshi's wife. That is all you ever will amount to.

"Then, what do you suppose will happen?"

"The betrothal is simply a formality." You smile bitterly. "I shall simply wait for him to break it."

"He is far too selfish to let go of you."

Your gaze averts to the teapot on the table. "I know."

"Do you truly wish to stay here forever?"

There is no amount of improvement you could pour into yourself to possibly be set free from the palace. You are Jinshi's betrothed. You have been his betrothed, and you will continue to be his betrothed. You have never belonged to yourself as one would have belonged to themselves. You were simply created to be a person that was never your person. You are everything to be desired by the noble worth nothing to the people. You were groomed, grown, nurtured, and ruined for the sake of someone who would never touch you. You are a porcelain doll trapped in a wooden cage with the key around your neck.

You are worth nothing without your title of betrothed.

You have been taught to never escape even when given the chance. You are not to touch the key around your neck. For if you don't, you will be rewarded with riches beyond the comprehension of the common man. For if you don't, the boy you were coerced to crush on will look back at you for once. For if you don't, the world will be a better place all thanks to your small sacrifice. You are to hold the earth up to the sky and die in order for everyone else to live. Then, you will be remembered for the rest of your life.

You are an obedient doll on display for the dignity of the royal dynasty.

"So?"

You laugh dryly. "Where else do I have to go?"

A nameless bride from a nameless family. A dressed up doll on display.

The consort's face weakens in pity.

You can only smile bitterly at her.

There is nothing else you can do. There is no one else you can rely on. You have the key around your neck but you do not know how to use it.

That night, you return to your room, resting on your bed under the summer warmth, silk cool against your skin as the moon shimmers, stars twinkling as you grimace, heart heavy in your chest. You are not loved. You are not loved, nor chosen, nor cherished. You were picked from an empty field and nurtured to become someone you were not simply because there is never a person you were. You are put into the skin of another because you do not have your own. You will never be yourself is there was never a you to begin with. You will never know the warmth nor happiness of being your own person. All you know is to devote yourself to Jinshi.

All you know is that in a field of flowers, you will never be picked by the one you were grown for.

秋

Colored leaves detach from the branches during the season of fall. You change back to warmer blankets, clothing a little more warm, and you arrange for the incense scents to be changed to something else. The bedding becomes thicker, the colors become redder, and you watch the flowers around the residence lose life with each day. The winter is getting colder, and your heart is only further breaking, cracking ever so slightly with each creak of the wood when you step around the place. You are not loved— not by the maids, nor by your soulmate. You are not loved.

You do not have a soulmate.

It is painfully evident when you visit the noble consorts, lips curled into a sweet smile when you drink tea with them. It is painfully obvious when the emperor refuses to let you leave Jinshi when you bring it up as a joke. You are not allowed to do anything in the palace. You are handed a key as a necklace but you do not leave. You are the display at the center of a traveling performance crew. You are a doll that will never be purchased because of your value. A doll that will never be touched because you are too prideful to offer yourself to anyone who is not Jinshi.

The sun may rise and set and the stars may twinkle and sparkle, but you will never be worth anything in the eyes of Jinshi. You are worth nothing. In the eyes of the emperor, you are worth nothing. In the eyes of the other consorts, you are a pitiful child that will be inevitably thrown away. In the eyes of Maomao, you are Jinshi's unfortunate betrothed whom she wishes he would pay more attention to. In the eyes of your maids, one day Maomao will take over as the owner of the residence and you will be left behind. You do not matter in the eyes of anyone.

Somewhere in the distance, a rope frays further.

Somewhere in the distance, in another universe, in every universe, you are cursed to love and never be loved. You are forced to hold the hand of a man who does not want you. IN this universe and every other one, you are stuck wallowing in self-hate, pitied for the way you are treated, despised for being the one who stands next to your husband. You are not a person. You exist only as a shell to embody other people. You will never be yourself. In every other universe and yours, you will be the shell that a hermit moves into only to be abandoned when they outgrow you. You will never be someone of value.

You call the maids to remove the tea, and you wander out into the streets of the capital.

Warm colors of red yellow and orange litter the streets with each step you take, and you purchase a quick snack, chewing on the sugar as you consider how you would need to starve yourself in order to lose the weight gained from the sugar. It makes you sick. You do all these things because you were conditioned for no outcome. You love Jinshi with your whole heart only for him to be in love with someone else. You cannot compare to her. She cannot compare to you. You are too different from her. You wonder if Jinshi simply desired a woman who could not be attained. You were too easy. Too simple. You were created and made in order to be perfect for him.

You purchase peanut treats, chewing on the treat as you watch the sun start to set.

A maid tells you it's time to go home.

You only nod.

You stare at the courtesans in the brothels, and then at your own skin. Perhaps that would be a way out. Perhaps if it were ever to come to it, you would pick that. It is not undignified. You would be sold for a good price, and you would have a rich husband. Perhaps the only downturn would be that the man would sleep with you day and night, but you wonder if that would be better than the bitter loneliness that your years of solitude have left you with. Perhaps you would be worth something in the eyes of another man if you just let go of your pride. Perhaps you would be of worth.

You are just an empty shell, after all.

You find yourself stuck in place as you blink quickly, realizing there are tears on your cheeks and splattering onto your chest. Your maid hands you a handkerchief, and you wipe them away, wiping again and again and again until the fabric is drenched and you no longer can wipe your tears. You stay like that, an anomaly in a bustling street of happy people, your emotions tucked behind your mind as your eyes form a mind of their own as you cry. You are not sad. You do not know how to feel sad. You only know how to cry. You are a doll. You should not know how to cry. You were erased of that ability years ago.

Yet, the tears do not stop, and you cry until the sun is no longer visibly, tears splattering still even when they wash you up for the day. It makes you unwell. It makes you feel sick. You should not know anything so unbecoming of a lady like this. You should not know how to cry. You should only know how to smile and wait for your betrothed to come home. You should not know how to be human. You should not know anything in this wretched world other than the happiness that being married could bring you.

So, as the maids clean you up and let you rest for the night, you dream of a happy marriage with Jinshi.

It is the only thing you know, after all.

冬

Winter comes and you dress warm. The fur rests on your shoulders as you sit down for tea with Consort Ah-Duo, wine pressed to your lips as she lets out a heavy sigh.

"It is a pleasure to receive your visit." You smile.

"Jinshi, that child, he's quite the handful, isn't he?" She gets straight to the point, mumbling. "Had I been more upfront about it, perhaps I could have stopped your demise."

You laugh, lips curled into a bashful smile as you try to hide it with your sleeve, but Ah-Duo sees right through you.

"You are hurt."

"It is hard not to be." You hum, letting your sleeve down as you stare at the drink. "But I have grown used to it."

"The residence must be empty without a master."

You shake your head. "I have grown used to it."

"I could ask the emperor to give you to me." She offers, hand held out to you.

You turn her down. Your role in this world is not to be a servant to the late consort. Your role in the world was already predestinated. It is fate for you to end up with Jinshi in every universe. "I would become a servant. That is not my role in the palace."

Ah-Duo grimaces. "Is your role to wait until Jinshi is forced to throw you away?"

You laugh, lips curled into a gentle smile this time. You do not bother hiding this one. She shakes her head in disagreement, but she does not speak up. You are stuck in your role just as she is stuck in hers. She has retired from the main palace now. You will retire from being Jinshi's betrothed when he deems it fit. You will not be the decider of your fate.

"Let us drink. I missed this."

You are her daughter just as Jinshi is her son. You are the child she watched grow up in another consort's palace, your pinky linked with Jinshi's when the two of you were scared of official events, your shoulders straightening through the years as your education furthered, until you were an undeniable presence in the royal court, your words like law, just and righteous as you argued against the old men who would stop at nothing to prove a woman like you wrong. You are her daughter the same way Jinshi is her son. You are her daughter simply because you grew up with her son.

"I did too." You press the wine to your lips, bitterness sliding down your throat as you swallow, that faux happiness dropping almost instantly. You are not a lightweight. You are trained to drink well in order to talk to guests well. You despise it. You have learned that. You have learned to despise things.

You despise yourself.

You despise the people who pity you.

You despise the maids who whisper behind your back about how you would be replaced one day.

"I do not expect you to forgive Jinshi." Ah-Duo speaks. "I would not forgive him either."

"There is no forgiving to be done. He is simply making his own choices." You nod as the maid refills your drink. "I am not a woman to be desired by him. He is the type to pick a chicken leg over an abalone. He is the type to pick a stick rather than a flower. I am simply what the late empress thought of as desirable to him but ended up not to be. I am not something that Jinshi believes is desirable in his eyes. It is that simple."

"You are desirable." The consort refutes you. "You are educated in everything there is to educate someone in. You are smarter than the majority of eunuchs and workers in the palace. You are someone who is the most desirable person there is to be. Your worth does not lie on Jinshi alone."

"That is what I have been conditioned to believe."

"It is not the truth. Ah-Duo presses the liquor to her lips. "You are just as much of a person as Jinshi is. Perhaps, because of your upbringing, you are more noble than him in antics."

"He is more noble than I." You shake your head. "He is more noble simply because his position allows for him to make his own decisions regardless of who he hurts in the process."

"You may make your own as well." She hums. "Regardless of who you hurt in the process."

"I do not know how to do that." You close your eyes, exhaling. "I am not someone with that capability. I must carry the weight of being unwanted for the dignity of the royal family. I am the doll created to keep the royal family desirable. I am an exotic flower planted in a field of domestic ones, dying to be picked, only to never be touched."

"That is a lie." Ah-Duo frowns. "You are not a doll. You are just a girl."

You laugh. "I am not just a girl."

"You are just a girl." She repeats herself, staring into your eyes. "You are a just a girl. You are a girl who does not deserve anything that is happening to her. You are a girl who was picked out of the hundreds of thousands of girls abandoned on the streets because your family could not afford to raise a girl. You are not a flower curated for the betterment of a boy who would never pick you. You are a girl, not a flower. not a doll."

Your eyes do not waver, and you break the silence with another dry laugh.

"I am a doll on display with the key around her neck." You smile. "But I thank you."

You miss the way her features soften with the pity you despise.

春

When spring comes back, you watch the merchants bring in new silk and the streets fill in with the season's specials. You pick out the fruit and ingredients for the newer dishes, testing them out after they are made, and nodding in approval for them to be tasted by the rest of the consorts. Maomao helps you compile a list of ingredients that are not healthy or safe, and you look through them. Then, you send the ingredients out to the rest of the palace alongside the supplier.

Some days, you forget that you are an existence. Some days, you forget you have influence in the palace.

"Madam, what about this one?"

You turn to Maomao, and she shakes her head.

"No." You reject right away.

You wonder what made you change your mind about Maomao. You suppose it is pity that you do not have to give. You pity her for having to put up with Jinshi. Yet, it is not something you worry about for the time being. You squat down as you take your feet out of your shoes, grimacing at the sores on your feet from the shoe size that is too small.

Maomao takes note of it, shaking her head.

"You do not bind your feet, but you force them to stop growing."

"It is no different." You smile. "Your feet remain unbound, do they?"

"They do. I have no need to bind them. Granny did not request of it either."

"That checks out." You smile. "I do not bind them but keep my shoe size small out of my own volition.

"You should stop doing that." She pauses. "Not to sound presumptuous, but shoe size does not matter to Jinshi."

You blink, eyes going wide in amusement as you laugh. "You are as straightforward as the maids warn me."

Maomao bows her head in apology.

"Don't worry about it." You smile. "You are to be the lady of this residence soon, after all."

"I do not wish to." She shudders. "Ever since he... I do hope he regains interest in you."

"There is no way he was interested in me in the beginning." You hum. "It is really that simple."

"You have stopped deluding yourself—" Maomao slaps a hand over her mouth. "Apologies."

You laugh more, lips pulled into a wide laugh. "I quite like you."

She blinks at you cattily. "Please do not."

You shrug. "I understand why Jinshi would find you entertaining. I heard he proposed to you. One of the maids overheard it."

"I do not want him, if that soothes you. It is an honest statement as well." Maomao nods.

"I know that much." You hum. "Unfortunately, men in power tend to coerce women for their gain. If you do not wish for it, you may always let me know. I hold little power over Jinshi, but I hold heavy power over the words heard by these walls."

"You are powerful." She points out. "Yet you are so empty."

"So I've been told." You hum. "Those go over there. Keep that one away from the pure consort. She is unable to have those."

"Yes madam."

"Is there a reason you lack?"

"I do not know how to be anything but empty." You shake your head. "It is one of the many reasons Jinshi does not desire me."

"I believe he seems parts of you in me."

"No." You reject the idea near immediately. "We are not similar to that degree. Jinshi does not have the brain to think of us in that way. He is better than his father."

"The late emperor."

"The dead one."

Maomao shudders. "Children."

"Those poor children." You snort. "I was almost one of them."

"You are not that old."

"The late emperor saw me in the same way he saw the late empress. He was on his last years when the late empress took me in and raise me beside Jinshi." You shake your head. "Had I been born just a little earlier, I would have been sent in as a poor girl to be defiled by the emperor."

Maomao grimaces. "Did you fall in love with Jinshi at first sight?"

"No. I had just been taught that the only man I should look at is Jinshi." You hum. "Halt. What is that?"

The merchant shows you the signed form and hands you a sample, and you frown at the taste, handing the other half to Maomao.

"No."

"You heard her. No." You wave the merchant off, and he gasps, frown on his face.

"It is incredible." Maomao looks at the guards drag the man away. "A single word from you is the equivalent of a royal decree."

"The late empress had this power bestowed on me, after all." You mumble. "I am not someone who has ever had power that belonged to me."

"Can you eat poison?"

"The vast majority of them." You hum. "I was fed them while growing up."

"You seem to be everything at once. You are constituted with all the knowledge there is to offer, yet you are empty inside."

"I am composed of materialistic things." You hum. "I am composed of knowledge. I am the closest thing to perfection, I suppose. Whatever that means."

"A subjective perfection of the late empress regnant."

"Yes." You laugh. "I am a shell created to hold things. I am not constituted of anything that makes a person a person."

"Other than the physical features, I suppose." Maomao mumbles. "Yet, you are quite the enigma. You have a personality and something. You are like a dam that is waiting to explode. You are a pot of medicine simmering, waiting to boil over and become what you need to be. Ah. My apologies. I must have come off as rude."

You shake your head, lips in a smile. "So? Did you understand what to do?"

"I did." She nods. "My greatest appreciations for you for showing me. I hope I never have to take over this position."

You only laugh.

That is inevitable. The pin had already been passed on to her, after all.

But as your eyes trail to her and then to yourself, you wonder. Perhaps the two of you are just parallels of each other.

Maybe you are.

Who knows.

夏

In summer, you see Maomao again, going for tea with consort Gyokuyou.

"I missed you." She smiles. "Sit."

"How is the baby?"

"Good." She nods. "Ah. Your shoes have changed."

You smile. "You can thank your maid for that."

"They must be much more comfortable."

"Yes." You nod. "I will never be desired by Jinshi, yet he will never throw me away, so I may as well give myself a little more leeway."

"That is good. "She smiles. "The new dish you approved for eating was delicious, for your reference."

"I'm glad." You smile. "Maomao helped make that one."

"Oh, really? I am so lucky to have such a capable maid next to me." She giggles.

"Yeah." You hum, lips curled into a smile. "She's great. I'm sure she'd make for a great lady of the house."

"Are you to leave?"

"You heard of the proposal, yes?"

She doesn't react, but that itself is an answer.

"It is only a matter of time." You hum.

"I speak for all the consorts, but we will miss you."

"Thank you." You smile pitifully. "I am grateful for your care over the years."

"We are grateful for your management." She smiles. "So? Have you planned for where to go?"

"The streets." You wink at her, laughing.

She does not reciprocate, and you stop your laughter, eyes closed and lips pulled into a smile as you hum. "It's a secret. Though, I will be around."

"Will you?"

"You will see me in the trees, the breeze, and the wheat." You hum. "I will be in the wind, the sky, the clouds. You will see traces of me everywhere, simply because my blood and sweat has been poured into the imperial palace."

"Perhaps it is time for you to be freed." She hums, lips pulled into a smile. "A journey for the self."

"Rather than that." You hum. "Perhaps it is simply time to let go of Jinshi."

"Does the empress still haunt you?"

"No." You hum. "I am slowly unlearning the need for a husband."

"Then you will become a courtesan?"

"Perhaps I shall simply be employed as a maid instead." You mumble. "I would not be against such."

"Dress as a man and become an assistant." She laughs.

You smile. "Perhaps that is my new role in this narrative."

"Or, perhaps it is simply time for you to be freed from the grasps of the palace." She smiles. "Please take care of yourself."

"I will. After all, I am still a doll for the royal family."

"Darling. You are just a girl."

You do not answer to it this time.

秋

In fall, you have tea with Maomao.

The two of you sit in your tearoom with snacks, and she looks around anxiously, almost as if she were worried about something pouncing on her.

"There have been more assassination attempts on Jinshi lately." She mumbles.

"And you?"

"and I." She mumbles. "I do not understand why."

"Perhaps the emperor is making a move." You hum. "Or perhaps it is one of the consorts."

"I do not know." Maomao mumbles. "It is almost as if it were the calm before the storm."

You hum. "There is a storm brewing, alright."

An arrow pierces through the window as you knock the tea to the ground to hide Maomao with your body. Another one misses you narrowly, and you reach for the blanket on the bed, thick with cotton and warmth as it stops the arrow. Maomao stares up at you, heart racing in her chest, expression unchanging. This is what she meant. You are a force to be reckoned with. You possess the knowledge far beyond the abilities of the average consort, yet you are not acknowledged simply because the one to acknowledge you does not do so. You reach behind her for the sword under the bed, unsheathing it with ease as you slide out of the blanket, jumping out the window to chase after the assassin.

You are everything at once.

Your footsteps are light with each jump, and you swing from the branches as you knock him onto the ground, sword pressed to his neck, slicing through clean as you land with a thud in the pond. The ducks fly away as you land, water all over your robes, the blood from the decapitation bleeding into the water. The water stains your dress red from the blood, and you pant above him, pulling the sword away as you stand up to run a hand through your hair. The sun burns against your back as you throw your head back to breathe, eyes closed as Maomao's footsteps catch up to you.

"Are you injured?"

"No." You shake your head, showing her your hands. "though, these are roughed up."

"I will prepare ointment." She nods.

"Madam!" The maids yell. "Are you alright?!"

"Fine." You nod. "Fetch a change of clothes."

"We shall prepare it. Do you need to be bathed?"

"No." You shake your head. "No need. Perhaps just wash my feet."

They nod, and you hold your hand out for Maomao to apply ointment.

"Maomao!" Jinshi calls. "There you are! What are you doing here?"

You glance at him, nodding, head held down as he excuses you.

"Your sleeves are bloodied!" He reaches for her wrists, and she pulls away with a harsh tug.

"An assassin was after me." Maomao continues sliding the balm against your palm. "Your betrothed saved me."

"...thank you." Jinshi nods at you.

"You owe me one now." You nudge Maomao with a raise of your brows. "Better find a way to pay me back."

"I'll let you marry Jinshi." She deadpans, shuddering.

"Maomao!" Jinshi's jaw drops in hurt.

You laugh. "He won't let me marry him."

"Tsk. Worth a try." Maomao grumbles.

"Madam! The clothes!"

You nod in response, smiling as Maomao is taken away once the maids pull you to rid you of the blood.

You do not despise Maomao, but you do not deserve that lack of attention that Jinshi gives you either.

You are just a girl. You do not deserve this.

冬

Jinshi talks to you this time.

He comes to the residence after being ordered to by the emperor, and he stares at you with your sleeves rolled up in the winter snow arranging the flowers. He does not know what to feel for you. You are his betrothed whom he does not visit, but he is your betrothed whom you do not talk to first. Perhaps it is simply excuses on his end. You do not know what he would think, after all. He was clearly in love with Maomao.

"You could have a gardener tend to such flowers." Jinshi speaks up, and you jump in your skin, visibly surprised to see him in the residence.

"J-Jinshi." You mumble, eyes wide.

"You are dirtying your clothes." He mumbles.

"Is it despicable?" You look up at him, eyes tired.

"It is foreign." He whispers back. "Though, it is not unwelcome."

"I see." You go back to the plants, tending to the roses.

"The emperor... is requesting the two of us for tea."

"I figured you have come for something and not for me." You stand up, dusting off your dress as Jinshi offers his hand to help you back onto the pathing.

You do not take it.

"What have you been up to?"

Jinshi tries to make small talk. You chuckle.

"Not much. I have only been tending to the plants in the garden."

"What about the rooms?"

"They have been filled with warm blankets for the winter." You hum. "The lanterns are all lit since it would be darker earlier in the day, and the walls have been repainted for the season."

"I see." He pauses. "And the salaries of the maids?"

"I have already taught Maomao. Fear not." You glance at the passing maids whisper to one another about you. "When will you be announcing it?"

"I will not be announcing it." He shakes his head. "Once my position is stable, then I will announce it."

"I see." You hear something rustle in the distance, choosing to ignore it as the two of you stop before the emperor's tearoom.

"Announcing the arrival of the second prince and his betrothed!"

"Enter." The emperor speaks from the inside.

The two of you step into the room, bowing to the emperor as he orders for you both to rise.

"Princess." he nods at you. "You have grown yet again."

You nod back. "I have."

"It is great to see." He nods. "Take a seat."

The both of you sit as the doors are shut, and you wait for the emperor to drink his tea.

"Did Jinshi tell you what we are discussing?"

"No." You shake your head.

"Jinshi wishes to marry Maomao." The emperor addresses the problem immediately, and you are reminded of Lady Ah-Duo.

"I am aware." You hum.

"Yet, he does not wish to break off your engagement."

"I am not as open minded to accept a second wife despite the allowance of a harem for the royal family." You chuckle dryly. "Besides. Jinshi only wishes for Maomao to be his wife."

"Yes. I only wish to be wed to Maomao."

"Well, Jinshi." The emperor sighs. "It's a shame, but we cannot break off your engagement to..."

"I am aware."

You hear something rustle again, and a flurry of footsteps rush outside of the door.

The servant yells.

"Maomao has been kidnapped!"

Somewhere in the distance, a rope snaps.

You are a girl You are just a girl You are just... a girl.

You get up and apologize for Jinshi's behavior as he runs out of the room to grab the servant to ask for details, and the emperor shakes his head. You hand Jinshi the seal of his army to him from your pocket, and you watch as he rushes off without a thank you. You stare at him bitterly and miss the way he turns back to look at you. Instead, you turn back to see the emperor staring at you pitifully, and you nod as you call for a maid to bring you into the bathhouse. You need a massage and a break. You need a moment to yourself. You need to relax. Your blood pressure was rising and you were struggling to gauge your importance.

You can say you know Jinshi does not care all you want, but living it is still a different experience.

So, as the maids leave you alone in the bathhouse, you cry, hurricane of tears breaking past your eyes as you cry into the bathwater, years of pain and anguish ricocheting off the walls as the birds outside the bathhouse fly away from your heartbreak. You are just a girl. Why does it have to be you? You are just a girl. You are a girl with no background or home or past but you are just a girl and you should not have to let the world be carried on your back just because you are a girl. You should not be defined by the feelings of a man who does not care about you. You are a girl. You are a simple girl who does not deserve anything that is happening to you.

You are a girl who was stolen from her family because the royal family desired a perfect empress. You are a girl who should not have to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders just because she was unfortunate enough to be picked for a job that did not suit her. Why did you have to be the one who has to fall in love with a man who does not love you back and be stuck being in love with him? He does not want you. He has made that clear enough. It does not matter if he would turn around to look at you one day. You would never be picked first.

You are just a girl.

You do not deserve any of this.

So, you stand up in the bathwater as it splashes with your movement, and you rearrange your robes into something moveable before you break past the doors of the bathhouse, footsteps heavy and undignified as you run through the pathing that you've stained with your sweat and love, past the gates that had welcomed you since birth, and you run, wind in your hair icing your scalp in the summer breeze, panting and gasping for air as you run through the streets and cry, losing a shoe on the way, tears still spilling past your eyes, mouth open to breathe, ignoring all the weird looks from the people on the streets as you run into the pathing in the forest and leave. You are free.

Free from the cage you had been locked in since birth, key left behind on the door as you end up somewhere you know will be better.

It does not matter to you anymore.

You are free.

冬

Jinshi does not know what prompts him to visit you when he returns with Maomao. Perhaps it was because of the pain on your face when he had run away from you in order to go save Maomao. Perhaps it had been the realization while saving Maomao that you had given him one of the only powers you held over him without hesitation. Perhaps you had just handed it to him because you wanted him to see you once he returned. Regardless of your mission, he visits you.

When Jinshi steps foot into your residence after saving Maomao, your maids are rushing around the palace yelling at one another.

"Jinshi-sama!" A maid catches him, grabbing onto his armor in a panicked state as he blinks down at her in surprise.

"What?"

"Do you know where the young madam went?!" She cries, genuine fear and worry leaking all over her face as her cheeks are read from the cold and running around. "We've been searching all over for her since she disappeared from the bathhouse while we weren't looking! She's been missing since your leaving, and we assumed that she would return since she had been visiting the streets more and more often and perhaps had gone to visit her parents' graves, but it has been long and she still has not returned! Do you know where she could be?!"

Jinshi furrows his brows.

Missing. You're missing. You are missing.

You, who did not step foot outside of the residence unless it was to have tea with the consorts, was missing.

"I do not know." Jinshi shakes his head. "Where does she frequent in the streets?"

"We sent maids, but they—"

"We finally found the madam's shoe!" A maid yells from the entrance, holding up something in her hand. "Come!"

The maids all crowd around her as she reveals your shoe, and Jinshi grimaces.

It is your shoe. Your shoe, muddied, bloodied, wet with water. Your shoe, that was typically a size too small.

The maids all grimace at the sight, staring up at Jinshi for confirmation.

"Keep searching. She must be there somewhere." He turns away, brows furrowed. "She could not have gotten very far. She has been nurtured by the palace, so surely she is somewhere within reach."

The maids scramble to look, the sun turning it morning, Jinshi searching with them, quietly praying that you would return once the sun did. The sun returns once, twice, and then too many to count with his hands. The sun returns time and time again, and you do not.

You do not, and the maids sent to the streets also come back with no avail.

Even with Maomao asking the lower-ranked maids, you do not return.

You are gone.

Whether it is you have passed or you are missing, it makes no difference.

You are gone.

"I shall prepare for her ceremony." He closes his eyes, brows furrowing.

That is all they need to hear.

春

You haunt every corner of Jinshi's life.

He moves into the residence you left behind shortly after your burial ceremony, and he brings everything with him. He touches nothing you arranged, only bringing his personal items and work, and he sits in your tearoom each afternoon to work on the papers handed to him by the emperor. He drinks your favorite tea because he finds himself slowly losing his sanity with each passing moment that you do not manage the residence.

He is fully capable, but he is just not as well-versed in it as you are.

It drains him more than he'd like. Maomao is still a maid despite the purchase of her as a consort, and he does not wish to overwhelm her. He still very much loves her, he believes, but he supposes losing a huge part of his childhood is even worse in some way. He had chosen to neglect you, but it did not mean he did not cherish you. He could not count the times when you had linked pinkies with him at formal events with the emperor and empress while the two of you stood tall all because you were to be a certain way at a certain place.

Eventually, the two of you had outgrown the need to hold hands or pinkies in official events.

Though, that wasn't the only thing he had to thank you for. He was not a gifted child. He watched you speed through the materials and still have time to play with him, and it made him bitter. He was bitter. You had always been groomed to be perfect and desirable, and it only made him despise you more. Perhaps he had avoided you because you were too put together and perfect. He did not despise you. He does not despise you. In fact, dare he say it, he might have even loved you and forced himself to bury it away.

He could not love you the way you deserved to be loved. You deserved the position of empress, not the position of a eunuch's wife. You did not deserve to be warped into the madness of the royal family in the way that you did. He had made the mistake with you, so he would not make the mistake with Maomao. His heart sours in his chest. Perhaps he had been a liar. He had only avoided you to avoid the pain in his heart. He had been a coward afraid of hurting you only to hurt you more. He is a coward.

He groans, head buried in his papers as Maomao comes in with his dinner.

"You look awful."

Jinshi shifts his head to the side to look at Maomao, closing his eyes again afterward. Her filter around him had disappeared ever since you had left. He does not know if he is thankful or not.

Things have changed since your disappearance.

The maids have all stopped referring to anyone as the madam of the house, only waiting for Maomao to officially give Jinshi an answer to his proposal, and Jinshi has become the master of the house, much different to when they referred to him as Jinshi-sama. He is no longer someone underneath you in the residence that he was to live in with you. He is now the only person who was given a proper status in a palace of such. He groans when he remembers that he has more paperwork. Perhaps you should have been given less to do in the residence.

"Still no news?" He grumbles.

"No." Maomao hums. "She would hate you if you starved yourself like this."

"She did not even know I skipped meals occasionally."

"She did." Maomao refutes. "All of your meals were looked over by her. Your meals had the highest nutrition out of all the meals."

"She did not do that." Jinshi sighs, getting out of your desk to sit at the table. "She did not do that for me."

"She did." Maomao sets the food before him. "It could have only been her. She was the one who let things in and out of the kitchen. She had your allergies memorized like the back of her hand."

"I was such an asshole to her." Jinshi groans.

"You were."

"You're supposed to comfort me as my betrothed!" Jinshi cries.

"I am not your betrothed." Maomao shrugs. "Please get back to work once you finish eating. Gaoshun is asking when this month's report will be ready."

"Please tell him his master is going to kill himself." Jinshi groans. "I can't even bring in an aide because this residence is so secretive."

"I may introduce someone to you." Maomao offers.

"You know people other than me? It cannot be a woman."

"It will not be." Maomao affirms.

Jinshi contemplates it. You had been bred and raised for the purpose of being an ideal wife, so you managed all the numbers and reports of your shared residence despite Jinshi being in charge of a handful of matters. They seemed trivial to him back then, but now that he has to wait for those numbers to reach him, he finds that perhaps you were going through much more than you letting him know about. Not even the maids would tell him how often you were holed up in your office.

Though, according to your maids, you had barely struggled with it, your estimations always on point, even when Jinshi handed you bills late.

For you to be so much better than Jinshi.

How infuriating of you.

夏

"Jinshi." Maomao speaks from the door. "I have brought a eunuch as your new assistant."

"I do not need one." He grumbles. "I am fine on my own."

"No. He is to help manage the estate." Maomao doesn't let him argue, opening the door to reveal his new aide.

The man nods at him, bowing his head. "I greet my new master. My name is Diu."

"There is no need for that." He shakes his head. "Are you well versed in the matters of the house?"

"There is no person who is better versed than I am." He nods. "I assure you."

Jinshi sighs. "Training shall start tomorrow."

"Yes, master."

Jinshi finds that his new aide is just as quick with numbers and things of the residence as you were, fingers fast and calculations smooth, speeding up the process for Jinshi. When he asks how he knew, he smiles at him, telling him that he had helped his wife with her household matters in order to alleviate the stress of being pregnant. Jinshi doesn't pry, but his aide looks too young to be a man capable of such wise thought. He looks too delicate, jaw too smooth and lashes too long. Had Jinshi been any more manic, he might have accused his aide of actually being a woman.

He tilts his head as he watches his aide look over the papers and speak up.

"Master Jinshi, do you have the scroll for the reimbursement report?"

Jinshi nods, handing him the scroll as Diu scribbles down the numbers, handing it to Maomao with a nod as she wanders off to hand it off to another official.

"Please call for me when the next report is due." Diu nods, about to follow her out.

"Are you not a personal aide?"

"I was told by Sister Maomao that I am only to help with the matters of the mansion."

"You... should arrange the guest rooms." Jinshi grumbles. "Please. Are you well versed in the other matters of the house?"

"I am." Diu nods. "Leave the matters of the estate to me."

"Maomao." Jinshi calls for her as she appears at the door. "Diu will be helping you with the affairs of decorating."

She nods. "Shall we go?"

"We shall." Diu smiles, and Jinshi's stomach churns uncomfortably.

He smiles the same way you do.

How nauseating.

How long had it been since you had smiled at him? You had only smiled at Maomao, lips curled into a teasing one, never staring at Jinshi when you had. Perhaps that was his flaw. He was cursed to see parts of you in other people until he could own up to his own emotions. Perhaps he was much too similar to you. Perhaps he is just a boy. Perhaps he just misses what you could have been had he spoken to you. Perhaps he should have reminded you that you were not alone.

You left him, but he forced you to the door, giving you the key you had been taught to never use.

Perhaps he had been the push to force you to leave.

How sickening.

秋

Jinshi finds that Maomao gets along with Diu much more than makes him comfortable.

Maomao discusses and lingers around Diu often, fingers brushing his skin as he leans down to let her wipe the fallen lash from his cheek, a flirty smile on his lips when she pulls away. Maomao does not react. She never does. Yet, it makes Jinshi uncomfortable. He no longer knows if it's how eerily similar Diu is to you or how Diu keeps making a move on Maomao, but it makes his skin crawl uncomfortably each time he comes to Maomao's aide, reprimanding you and reminding you to keep your hands off of her as she was his only love.

"My apologies."

It is the same thing over and over again.

Jinshi finds that the more Diu flirts with Maomao, the less he wants Maomao, his jealous streak overtaken by habituation, and eventually he finds himself just staring until the two are uncomfortable. Maomao seems far too comfortable with Diu's movements, and Jinshi finds it infuriating. So, Jinshi steps in one day, pulling on Diu's wrist as he cages Maomao into the wall.

"Perhaps the master would prefer for me to romance him instead?" Diu pins Jinshi to the wall instead, tilting his head with his fingers, lips curled into a teasing smile. Jinshi flushes red, a shudder rippling down his back at the sight of the shorter pining him to the wall. Maomao watches from the side in amusement, lips curled upward with a cheeky grin as Jinshi eyes her for help.

"My eyes are here, young master," Diu tilts his head again, lips curled into a sweet smile. "Cheating on me already? I'm your servant before I am hers, you know?"

Jinshi shudders, cheeks red as Diu turn to Maomao, a victorious smile on his face.

"Master, it is time for..." Gaoshun trails off, pulling Diu off of Jinshi. "What are you doing?!"

"The master got jealous I was hitting on Maomao." Diu smiles.

Jinshi leaves, glancing behind him at Diu, heart racing in his chest as he tries to calm his cheeks. He is breathtaking, that eunuch. His aide has a beauty that could rival his. He would stop interfering. If he were to get hit on again... heavens knows what kind of atrocities he would commit. Diu is too strong. No wonder the maids in the palace had been flocking to get a look at his face. Maybe that was why he was dethroned as one of the most attractive men in the court. Diu was simply too attractive for his own good.

God, maybe he is a homosexual.

The thought rips through his body as his lips pull down in concern, blinking slowly at the revelation. Damn. Has he stooped this low? Was he willing to go so low as to fall for a man who reminded him of you? Maybe Jinshi was losing his mind. Perhaps this is what the matchmaker meant by he would suffer greatly if he were to lose his yin. He had tried not to touch you, but he had only hurt you instead. He was losing his mind to the point that he was getting flustered over men.

Diu really does things to him. You do things to him.

The man's fingers remind Jinshi of yours as well, reminders of years that are lost in his memory, years when the two of you would hold hands under tables and before the empress, years when he would watch you practice dances with your teachers, hair fluttering in the wind as you moved like a princess. It reminds him of years when you would be able to fit in your shoe size and walk without pain, when you were still young and a child, crying about not wanting to bind your feet.

You got your wish, but your shoe size had still been shrunk one size down to try and prevent your feet from growing.

Sooner than later, you lost your ability to dance.

Jinshi wonders if Diu would be able to do it. His body is slim enough for the dance, and had he been there when the foreign envoys were visiting, perhaps he could have taken Jinshi's place. Swimming in the dress was a nightmare. Perhaps Diu could have worked the same. He has the face for it. Oh, how convenient. Jinshi would no longer need to dress up as a woman with Diu around.

"The next time we have to do female imitation... we are calling Diu." Jinshi shudders.

Gaoshun raises a brow.

Jinshi shakes his head.

Perhaps if Jinshi were desperate enough, he could doll Diu up to resemble you and hold him for the night. As long as the words did not get out, he would be alright. If he were desperate enough, he would sleep in your room, covered by your blanket, engulfed by your faded scent. The scent of summer flowers and a young love. If Jinshi were desperate enough, he could send more soldiers to find you. But Jinshi is not desperate enough.

Not yet. He is not desperate enough yet.

He may be sick to his head thinking about you, but he is not desperate.

冬

There is a crowd of consorts outside of Jinshi's window.

No. Not for him, surprisingly. For Diu.

"Diu-sama!! Look our way!!" The women yell, and Diu looks up from his desk, a smile on his face, waving gently. Both Jinshi and Maomao grimace, frown on their faces at his friendliness. Jinshi finds that Diu has an effect worse than he does. Perhaps this is his karma for playing along with the consorts every now and then. No wonder Maomao found him infuriating when he did so.

"Diu." Maomao hisses.

The man nods, leaning out the window to smile at the women, sighing. "Do you mind giving us some space? We need to finish the report for this month and my master is having quite the moment, you know?"

A girl faints, but the rest of them ultimately scatter off, and you hum, shutting the window.

"The total has been written down."

Maomao hands Jinshi a scroll, and Jinshi nods.

"Diu, is there a reason you never write the reports?"

"Whatever do you mean? I wrote them during summer, no?" You tilt your head. "Master Jinshi, you told me to stop writing them because my writing was not legible."

Jinshi does not remember that, but doesn't argue.

"Let's go for a break today." You pull Maomao out of her seat, smiling at Jinshi. "Master, will you be joining us?"

Jinshi groans. "please."

Diu offer him a hand, and he takes it, his hand strangely familiar in his grasp. It makes him feel nostalgic, almost. It feels like when he used to hold your hand during ceremonies with the royal court. Yet, he is not you. Diu is not you. So, Jinshi pushes the feelings back as he is led through the streets, lights vibrant as he stops at stalls for snacks and food.

Maomao runs out of coins at one point, and Diu offers him more, but she shakes head. She has some things she could trade for coins. She does so, pulling a pin out of her pocket and exchanging it for a bag of coins, a grin on his face. "let's get going."

"What do you even need so many coins for?" Diu raises a brow, picking one up.

"Master doesn't have copper coins."

"Excuse you! I do!" Jinshi tries to argue.

"It's why he has not yet bought anything."

Diu purses his lips in amusement, laughing.

Jinshi thinks he sounds like bells ringing.

How nostalgic.

Almost as if you were there standing there before him. He misses you, perhaps. He misses what the two of you were, and what you could have been had he picked you first. The guilt eats at him more and more, and it seems as though he could open his mouth and confess that he had a burning desire for you. It was almost as if he could have picked you from the start and none of this would have occurred.

"Diu." Jinshi calls. "Are you married?"

"Why? In love with me already, master?" Diu winks, blowing him a kiss.

Jinshi shudders, cheeks red, head ringing. Flirt.

"No. You have the same mannerisms as someone, and many say that a husband resembles his wife." Jinshi shakes his head. "You remind me of someone."

"The one that got away? I will be." Diu laughs as Maomao grabs him and runs off as Jinshi chases them. "Perhaps that is simply my role in this narrative!"

You.

Diu reminds him of you. So Jinshi finds it ironic that he chases after a man who resembles you in the streets of the city outside of the palace walls. Perhaps the two of you would have done something similar in another universe. He would have chased you in the streets, and the two of you would have been free to do whatever without the weight of the palace. Perhaps you would have been worth more in your own eyes, and he would have cared more for you during the time you would have been with him.

Perhaps you would have chosen to stay with him in that universe.

Perhaps he would be less bitter then, too.

春

In spring, the silkworms produce new silk, and the products from the merchants come in. Jinshi observes them, ultimately unable to tell the difference between certain ones because of his lack of practice, and Maomao can only stand and blink, unused to picking them herself. Instead, she steps back for Diu to look at them, the man's fingers feeling at the fabric as he raises a brow.

"These seem to be cheap quality. Are you trying to rip off the palace?" The man raises a brow.

"N-no way!"

"The threading is different one from the one currently present." Diu clicks his tongue. "This is the one commonly used for the middle class."

"A-are you not middle class? The funds mentioned to me a-are less than before." The merchant cowers slightly as Maomao hands Diu the invoice.

"No. The funding has not changed this season."

"Ah, well, surely the inflation has—"

"Nope. The economic state of the capital has not changed either. If you want a couple extra coins just say it." Diu groans. "We can always change suppliers. My family has quite the good one, you know?"

The merchant rolls his eyes. "These are the same blankets as the rest of the palace. If you don't want them—"

Maomao steps up. "The empress uses different ones from a different supplier. Had we needed low-quality textiles as this, we would have talked to the maids."

The merchant scoffs in offense. "What do you know—"

"I know that the palace uses a different supplier because you started cheating the main palace years ago." Diu speaks up, stepping close to the merchant. "Would you like us to switch too? We could formally decree you to be banned from the palace."

"Y-you're a mere servant. You wouldn't dare!"

Diu gives the man a closed-eye smile, and he grumbles, handing over the better blankets buried under the bad ones. The servants bring them in as Diu handles the money, and Jinshi blinks in surprise. He did not know the rest of the palace started using a new supplier. He had only known that Gyokuyou had changed merchants. Diu must have done very thorough research prior to picking up blankets.

"How could you tell?" Jinshi raises a brow.

"It wasn't imperfectly perfect." Diu shrugs. "Also, hand woven silk by the skilled is bound to have flaws, but this one had too many. They may have flaws, but their edges do not fray to this extent."

"Wow." Jinshi hums. "That is impressive."

"In order to be a husband deserving of my wife's noble title, I have to make up in other ways."

"Does your wife not have brothers?"

"No, she simply fell for my charm." Diu winks.

Maomao gags from the side. Though... not surprising.

"A shame you are a eunuch..." Jinshi trails off, eyes wandering. "You seem to be the type to have many sons."

Diu holds a hand over his mouth and his crotch, pretending to be scandalized. "Master! Are you... into me?"

"Nope." Jinshi turns on his heel. "Let us go."

"Where to?" Maomao follows anyway, shrugging when Jinshi doesn't answer Diu's question.

"Who did you hear palace affairs from?"

"I was wandering." Diu shrugs.

It's suspicious, but Jinshi doesn't pry further. After all, Maomao brought him in.

No matter how much Diu is suspicious, Jinshi could never bring you back anyway.

So even if Jinshi begged and sobbed and cried to the moon to return his lover, he could not have it. You had left him. You were gone. No matter how hard he looked, your body could be out in the cold and abandoned, eaten by the wolves or some other sort. It is awful. He could search all he wanted, sending all the guards he wanted, but he would not have you back. He could not live in such a way. You were gone, only your shoe left.

Perhaps Diu was sent by the heavens to remind him of you for the rest of his days.

It is his fault, after all.

夏

There are reports of your ghost haunting the walls.

First, one of the younger ranking maids hear a girl crying in your old room, then an older maid sees a woman rush through the halls at night. Eventually Gaoshun spots a woman clothed in white dancing on the outer walls with Maomao. It is truly a terrifying sight. Jinshi tries his best to ignore it, but ultimate he sees you dancing on the outer walls of the palace as well. It is same position of the moon when Gaoshun and Maomao saw it, but you are dressed in red this time, wedding gown fluttering from your figure, phoenix crown pinned in your hair.

Jinshi stands and stares.

You dance, footsteps light as they used to be when you were but a child and Jinshi watched you in your classes, and your dress flutters in the wind, silk probably cool against your skin, and Jinshi stops to stare, some wretched form of longing on his face. It is nostalgic. It is everything he had once seen in you, your art, your beauty, your existence, all tucked into the back of his mind, threatening to spill over and ruin him. He watches you as you make the same steps you had so many years ago, your memory burning into his mind through his eyes as his conscious forces him to engrain every detail of your ghost into his mind.

The paleness of your skin to the sunken eyelids, to the bloody red that was on your lips with the red on your body. The makeup is fitting of a bride, yet the moon shining behind your body makes you look a mixture of grief and regret in Jinshi's eyes. You do not look down at him, almost as though lost in your own dance, too enthralled with the moon and its secrets as you kick your leg to spin and flutter through the air. Jinshi can do nothing as he look sup at you, exhaustion creeping up his body slowly, almost as though you were the moon herself despite the red on your body.

Your ghost is haunting him as a reminder that you are his wife. Your ghost is dancing to remind him of the day the two of you had been told to bed, but had not. Your ghost is driving him into a corner the same way he had driven you out the entrance. His mind is stuck staring and engraving it into his mind to forever regret you. His mind is stuck holding his chin up to stare at you as the metal in your hair jingles in the wind. His mind is stuck, and he refuses to fight against it.

Instead of stopping you, he stares, fingers stuck to his side as you spin and fall off the wall, and he climbs up, lashes fluttering as he stares down at where you would have fallen, only your dress remaining. He stares down, legs hanging from the wall, something pulling him to fall down with you, something urging him to leave with you. Your ghost tilts its head to run your fingers through his hair, lips brushing his as it urges him to fall down with it— fall down with you. Maybe that would be a way to right his wrongs and wash away his sins. He leans forward into your touch, fingers loosening on the wall.

"Master." Diu's voice breaks him from your trance, the man climbing up the wall after him. "Is something wrong?"

Jinshi blinks at where your ghost was, your fingers no longer on his cheek and your lips no longer brushing his. Ghosts do not exist. He was simply falling to an evil spirit's intentions. Diu had simply freed him. You would not have wanted him to pass away as easily as this. You would have wanted him to suffer through what you did. "I saw the madam."

"The previous owner of the residence?"

"Something like that." Jinshi mumbles. "Do you miss your wife?"

"More often than not." Diu sits next to the man, pulling out a bottle. "Wine?"

Jinshi accepts it, pressing the wine to his lips, legs hanging over the railing as he stares down, blinking slowly at the fabric. Your ghost is gone, yet the fabric still reaches for him. He could see you wearing it. Perhaps it was just a heavy memory of seeing you in all red, gold embroidery on your gown, lips pulled into a sweet smile despite the ever crumbling relationship that was threatening to snap between the two of you. Perhaps Jinshi had a rope somewhere as well.

"How do you cope with missing your wife?"

"She writes me letters." Diu smiles. "I simply reread them when I get lonely. Or, I send a bird for her."

Jinshi grumbles. "Must be nice to have a loving wife."

"A happy marriage goes both ways, master." Diu offers him more. "You must take care of your wife before she takes care of herself and leaves you."

"Do you think someone is doing this to mess with me?" Jinshi rests his cheek on his legs, pulling them closer to his chest as he holds his cup to the man. "I grieve for her loss. Is that not enough?"

"Perhaps they simply miss their madam." Diu hums. "Did the madam teach the servants?"

"There is no servant in the house who could dance the same way she did." Jinshi closes his eyes, wind rustling the branches behind him. The summer breeze is warm but not too warm. In the distance, in the residence, he can still hear the sound of your laughter as a child. You did not laugh enough as an adult around him. He does not know what you are. What does your laughter sound like now? Maybe you stopped laughing because of him.

He misses you.

"Master?"

"Diu." Jinshi mumbles, eyes closed. "If she comes, please wake me."

"Will do, master."

You never return after that, and Jinshi feels sick.

秋

In fall, foreign envoys bring new mirrors. Diu accepts them and lead them to Jinshi, lips curled into a sweet smile as the mirrors are placed within the residences. The old mirrors had been ruined by a maid on accident, but it was not something worth fretting or worrying over. Jinshi stands in front of the mirror, looking at himself, raising a brow when Maomao and Diu peer from behind him at the reflection.

"I have not seen one in a solid minute." Maomao mumbles. "Diu, how about you?"

"My wife has one at home, but this small mirror would be helpful." Diu hums. "She will like it if we have a covering made for her as well."

Jinshi huffs dramatically loud at the word wife.

"What is not too light?" Maomao raises a brow.

"Perhaps a hollow metal." Diu hums. "I shall check the items she owns."

Jinshi huffs again.

"Sorry, master." Diu smiles, eyes closed, teeth out. "I forgot the madam is gone."

Jinshi is going to have an aneurysm because of Diu.

"I am convinced you are mentioning your wife to drive me insane."

"Perhaps." Diu hums. "I miss her very much, after all."

"Then why did you work here?"

"Master." Diu deadpans. "The pay here is incredible. My wife now has the ability to spend my wealth rather than her family's. Is every husband's dream not to spoil their wife rotten?"

"No." Jinshi grumbles. "Perhaps I should do that for the madam."

"The madam is gone." Maomao deadpans. "Perhaps focus on repainting the walls of the residence first."

"Was the report sent?"

"Not yet." Diu shakes his head. "We are missing a fund as the money has grown to be less."

"Perhaps it is for the repainting of the walls."

"I would assume that the repainting must be done during spring." Jinshi frowns. "Was it during fall?"

"I am not sure." Diu shakes his head. "Did the madam ever mention such?"

"It was fall." Maomao hums. "She complained that it should have been spring once, but she never changed it since it rains more in spring than in fall."

"How do the foreigners put it? April showers do bring May's flowers." Diu hums. "Perhaps the Madam had a reason."

"We can repaint it some other time."

"She would kill you." Maomao deadpans.

"She is not here."

"Does not change that she would kill you." Maomao deadpans. "Perhaps her ghost will return and ruin your life again."

Jinshi pauses. "Well, I do miss her."

Maomao blinks at him in concern.

"I shall put it on the report." Diu nods. "Anything else?"

"I believe that is it."

"Then, may I be released after? I would like to drop by somewhere."

Maomao raises a brow, but Jinshi does not question it.

"Of course. You are free for the rest of the day."

Maomao springs up in her seat. "May I follow?"

Diu nods.

"Going without me?"

"You will stand out too much." Diu deadpans. "We are visiting a teahouse."

"You have a wife!?" Jinshi shrieks, confusion all over his face.

"Not that kind." Diu deadpans.

"What will you be trying?"

"I heard they have a new treat." Maomao hums. "We have been saving for it."

"If you let me go I will pay."

"Hard pass." The two of them grimace.

"We don't lack the funds."

"We can pay."

Jinshi gasps, frowning as he watches the two leave the room when Diu finishes the report.

A plate of the new pastries rests on his desk the next day, but he still pouts and frowns.

He later realizes it's because you had once made the treat for him as kids. That was why he was so upset. Your memories with him haunted him each step he took in the mansion. Perhaps he should have reached for your ghost that day and fallen. Perhaps that would have sped up his fraying string, holding onto nothing as he had lost you.

Perhaps then, he would feel less awful.

冬

In winter, Diu and Maomao help set up the new blankets. The wool is warm, and Maomao sighs, cheeks red from the cold. Diu takes off his coat, wrapping it around Maomao as she blows into her hands and sighs.

"Thank you." She mumbles. "It is cold."

"It is." Diu stares at the floor, pulling out a stone from his pocket to hand to Maomao. "A heated stone, perhaps?"

"Thank you." She mumbles, pulling her clothes open to pop the stone in with the rest. "It is cold. I do not remember the palace being this cold."

Diu goes quiet, glancing around.

"There used to be heated bricks underneath the wood here."

Maomao's eyes widen, neck snapping to look at her coworker.

"That was what I heard from the maids, though. I do not believe the maids told the master either." He shrugs. "How's the master?"

"It is report week." Maomao grimaces.

Diu shudders. "I am surprised he has not called for me yet."

"You remind him too much of the late madam." She shares a look with the man, only turning away when Jinshi yells from inside his office. "He prefers to not—"

"Someone call Diu!" He sobs, and Diu snorts.

"Late madam or not, perhaps desperate situations call for desperate measures." Diu nods, knocking on the door. "Master, I am outside."

The door opens, and Jinshi groans. "Diu! Why is this season's reimbursement report so much lower compared to the previous ones?!"

Jinshi's hair is disheveled, the poor man looking as though he hadn't slept in days. It is a new look to Diu, and it makes Maomao laugh. Diu steps next to him, observing the differences, pointing at the cost in insulation. "I heard from the maids the late madam heated bricks for winter underneath the wood."

"She did?"

"The maids mentioned it." Diu shrugs. "So?"

"Is that the only cost? Who is in charge of the bricks?"

"I am not aware." Diu shakes his head.

"The head maid refuses to tell me. Diu, please." Jinshi cries. "I am not well versed in this."

"In my residence, my wife would hire one of the servants to do so. Perhaps it could be found in their salaries."

Jinshi flips through the book as Diu checks everything over, and he cheers when he finds the maid. Jinshi misses you. You did this much better than he did, and though he had neglected you and the whole situation was his fault, it did not stop him from missing you. Your presence in the residence had simply been enough to him. Now, he had to live without you or your presence in a residence that was meant for two.

"Thank you, Diu." Jinshi grumbles, writing down the note on heating bricks, head slamming into the wood of your desk as Diu takes the report. "God, I miss her."

Diu smiles back, eyes closed, almost as though he were insincere.

In the shadow of Diu, Jinshi sees you.

That smile with his eyes closed reminded him of all the times you had smiled at the officials insincerely, abusing your power as the empress' favorite in order to get them rid of. Perhaps Jinshi is simply going insane because you are gone. The ghost of you haunts him everywhere, including in the body of the new aide. Perhaps it is simply divine punishment from the heavens above.

In the closed-eyed, tight-lipped smile of his new aide, he sees the ghost of you whose smile had changed from a sweet smile with your eyes on him, cheeks flushed, to a smile in which you had not even bothered to look at him, eyes closed and lips pulled upward, lacking the flush that he had grown up seeing. His fault. It is always his fault. There had not been a single moment in which he was right when it had come to you. He is to be despised. You had been right to run away. He will never deserve the love you had given him in the past.

Even if he were to cut his own string and tie it to yours, you could always cut him off of you, simply running away as you had previously. Perhaps it was simply his curse to be this way. He could never love you now that you were gone, and he was the only one to blame. He is the culprit of his own demise.

How loathsome of him.

春

In spring, Jinshi attends the royal court's meeting, lashes thick and full, blinking quickly to blink away his exhaustion. Waking up before the sun was never something worth it. He eats the dishes prepared, listening to the ministers and eunuchs talk about everything. Had you been next to him, he would have had a better time, at least focused for the sake of you, but you are not. Instead, he has Diu who has been testing his dishes, pretty face charming even the married men of the court. Had Diu been born a woman, perhaps he would have been stolen away instantly. Tis a great day for his personal aide to be a man.

Now that Jinshi thinks about it, it was the same with you.

You would be busy reading the material and participating, and the rest of the men would be busy ogling at you. You, who had been raised to be the palace flower, a woman in power worthy of standing next to the second prince. You had been worth far more than what those men could have paid to own you for. Perhaps the late empress was right to make you unattainable to the men of the court. It was disgusting— the way their eyes raked Diu's figure the same way they raked yours at the time. In his eyes, the men are no better than rabid animals. At least rabid animals were put down.

"Master?" Diu's voice snaps Jinshi out of his thoughts. "Is the dish not to your liking?"

"It is." Jinshi shakes his head. "I have not much an appetite."

"I see." Diu hums. "Shall I request something else?"

"No need." Jinshi finishes the rest of the dish, sighing as he puts his chopsticks down. "What is the next dish?"

"I believe it is pheasant."

Jinshi frowns staring at Diu's lips.

"Did Maomao put lipstick on you?"

"Hm? Is it strange?" Diu smiles, holding his cheek. "She said I should doll up a little as your personal attendant. Though, this isn't lipstick. I believe Maomao simply put something on my face."

Jinshi blinks slowly, mentally swatting away all his thoughts as the next dish arrives and Diu presses it to his lips, biting and chewing slowly. Jinshi stares at his lips, pale and pink, and he swallows unconsciously as Diu licks his lips, lips curled into a smile similar to Maomao's. The men of the court pay attention too, a strange charm emitting off of the servant's body. Enthralling. He looked enthralling, lips curled into that sinful grin. Next thing Jinshi knows, Diu is probably going to tell him it's poisonous like Maomao did years ago.

"You can't have this, master." He hums.

"Why not?" Jinshi swallows, throat dry all of a sudden.

"It is poisonous."

Called it.

The royal court goes into chaos as all the men spit it out, fooled by the way Diu had looked so elated at the flavor, and a handful of servants rush to their aid. Jinshi lunges at Diu as he bites the rest of the meat, punching him in the gut as Diu spits the meat out into Jinshi's hand.

"Are you crazy?!"

"Master, poisons do not affect me." Diu tilts his head, eyes wide. "Rest assured. The one who has tried to harm you will not get off free either."

Jinshi stares at him incredulously, lips pulled into a frown as he calls for a doctor to check the man. He taps his table impatiently as he waits for Diu to return, a new poison tester confirming that the pheasant was indeed poisonous. Jinshi watches as the new guy passes out and white foams from his mouth. How did... how did Diu almost swallow the pheasant without issue? Jinshi tries his best not to think about it, closing his eyes. Perhaps Maomao is just accustomed to people who taste poison without any effects.

Diu returns a little before the final dish is served, giving Jinshi a closed-eyed smile before he tastes the new dish. It is a palate cleanser this time. Jinshi watches in worry as Diu presses the spoon to his lips, eyes opening as he raises a brow. Jinshi cannot tell if it is a good raised brow or a bad one.

"Servant, is it poison?"

"No." Diu smiles. "It is simply delicious. You may have it, master."

Jinshi only has half, cheeks flushed as he hands the rest back to Diu, covering his mouth with his sleeve as he mouthes words at the man.

'Finish the rest.'

Diu does not complain, drinking straight from the bowl as he licks his lips, eyes bright and happy as he hands it to another servant.

"Thank you, master." He beams, smiling.

Jinshi's heart skips a beat.

How dangerous.

The rest of the court proceeds as normal, the report given by the workers, and the emperor nodding at the report. Nothing out of the ordinary. though, he notes the new numbers in spending. When you were there, they were lower. Perhaps a handful of officials are using the chance to steal money from the royal family now that you no longer look over the ledger before each payment. Jinshi should start investigating. Surely the crushing of the Shi clan should have served as a fair warning. Perhaps not.

Jinshi looks back to glance at Diu, the servant's eyes oddly sharp. Usually servants would have gotten bored at this point. Instead, Diu looks almost intrigued. He wonders what kind of an upbringing would have created a man who cared so much about monetary affairs of a palace. Though, it should have been clear since Diu had been the one hired to help with monetary affairs. His mathematical ability was incredible. Had Jinshi a child, he would have hired the man to teach his young his ways.

But in the same, Jinshi knows he would have not needed an outside teacher when you were right there. Should he had kids with you, you could cover the vast majority of teaching have you the time. You know the palace better than him at times. He wonders how you are, lips pulled into a frown as he focuses back on the minister. Perhaps Maomao had given Diu the same makeup you used to wear to mess with him. How mean of her. It pains him in the heart that he had been the one to cut your rope and now was burning his own.

He misses you.

夏

Summer is great.

Jinshi has less work during summer as a result, and Diu and Maomao cover the affairs of rearranging the residence. The two are still close. It makes Jinshi bitter, but not bitter in the way he would have been seasons ago, he is bitter that Diu is spending less and less time with him. Perhaps he is bitter that Diu, a man who reminded him of you, spends more time with Maomao than he. It is a reflection of himself, yes, but it does not stop the childish jealously that bubbles in his chest.

"Diu!" Jinshi whines, calling for the servant as he throws open the man's room.

The room is empty, but a familiar scent flutters through the air, knocking the nostalgia right into his lungs. The incense sticks burning are the ones you used to put in the residence. During the few times Jinshi would visit, this scent would always be present in your room, your hair, and your being. This scent was you to him. He finds it strange that Diu would have it in his room, but he does not question it. Perhaps it reminds him of his wife.

"Master? What are you doing in my room?"

Jinshi freezes, caught red-handed. "...I was looking for you." He coughs. "Where were you?"

"I went to run errands with Maomao." Diu bows. "Is something wrong? You were looking at the incense sticks."

"They remind me... anyway." Jinshi tries to stroll out casually. "Is that your favorite scent?"

"My wife." Diu smiles. "It reminds me of my wife."

"I see..." Jinshi trails off. "Whatever! Be sure to tell Maomao to bring me dinner."

Diu calls an affirmative after Jinshi as he rushes out of the room. Too much like you. The scent smelled too much like you. You, who had used perfume oils because you liked it. It reminded Jinshi of your scent for as long as he had known you, the signature smell that brushed his nose apparent for as long as his memories with you would run. Perhaps he would forget about you at night.

Night strikes slowly.

The grief of losing you hits Jinshi slowly.

First, he looks around the room you had prepared for the two of you, the room you had stayed in alone, fingers brushing on the paint on the wall, a reminder that he needed to call for the painters to repaint the residence. Then, he sits down in bed, robes warm on his skin, eyes tired as he lays down. His fingers brush the silk the same way you would have while inspecting the quality, the same way he had seen Diu do so to the blankets, and he holds it to his forehead, heart stuttering and stumbling, pain in his chest too much to bear. It was simply too much.

Then, he cries.

Jinshi cries, tears slow as he lays in your bed, holding the blankets to his chest as he whimpers, missing you. You. You who had lived in the residence for years without a visit from him. He is undeserving of you. Perhaps he would be cursed to live the rest of his days crying in the same bed you had to cry in. He would be dammed for all of eternity to never see you again. Perhaps that is his curse. He is simply too weak to admit his love, too prideful to bend down first, too lost to find his way again. He wanted nothing to do with you when you traded the whole world for him. His curse would be to never hold you again, even when he needed you the most.

He sniffles, brows pulled together as he clings harder onto the blanket.

He does not notice the footsteps outside the door nor the knocking from Diu.

"Master Jinshi? Are you alright? I hear crying." Diu's voice rings from the door. "I may bring tea if you would allow it. That helps me when I am hurt."

"It is fine." He speaks, voice oddly even.

"I shall bring you a cup of tea and towel to help freshen up. We could not afford to let the master of the house's beauty be wounded." Diu speaks, stepping and walking off.

Jinshi wipes his tears with his fingers, heaving. When Diu returns, he opens the door after a quick knock, setting the tea on the table as he sits by his bed, helping Jinshi up, eyes gentle, hands wiping at his tears with the cloth, and Jinshi sniffs. Diu's eyes remind him of yours, even. The same gentle shade he had grown up seeing, the same shade that sparkled under the sun's light or the moon's reflection. It is a haunting memory of you. Perhaps the two of you are from the same lineage. Or perhaps Jinshi was simply losing it.

"Diu."

"Yes, master?"

"Are you this gentle with your wife?"

"But of course."

Jinshi sighs dramatically. "Maybe in another life I was born your wife."

Diu snorts. "That would be quite hard, master."

"Why?"

"What if I were born a woman as well?"

"Then I would be born your husband." He pouts, eyes red as he stares at the man. "What tea did you bring?"

"Green tea." Diu hums. "Will you drink it?"

"Please." Jinshi frowns. "Could I meet your wife one day?"

"That would be quite hard." Diu frowns, carrying the tray over and setting it down by the bed.

"Why so?"

Diu does not speak, handing the cup to Jinshi instead, smiling.

"Is she gone?"

"It is hard to explain." Diu hums. "Master, let me know if you require anything else."

"No." Jinshi shakes his head, drinking the tea. It's slightly sweet and brewed to perfection.

It tastes like the tea you used to brew.

It brings tears to his eyes unconsciously, a frown on his face. You had learned to brew tea to perfection. The temperature had been right, you had served them in their little cups, lips pressed to the edge of the cup as you tested it for heat, and then set it before Jinshi, offering him a drink. You had brewed green tea without the bitterness that other consorts had, and you had served tea to even the emperor when it was permitted. Jinshi might just be losing it. No, he has not been in a regular state since your disappearance. He is simply reaping the seeds of his actions.Shi

"Is something wrong?"

"You brew tea like someone I used to know." Jinshi shakes his head. "It is a shame she is gone."

"Maomao is not gone, though?"

"My wife." Jinshi purses his lips. He had mentioned it perhaps once or twice, but it had never been more than that. It is not the madam of the house this time, it is his wife. He misses his wife. You, his beloved who had been betrothed to him. He misses you. You were his wife, not his betrothed. He had seen you in red twice now, that was surely confirmation. Even if you were to forget, he fears that he could not. You are his wife, that much is clear. "That is enough for the night. Thank you."

Diu nods, taking the tray out and closing the door with his foot, leaving Jinshi alone with his thoughts.

It is scary— how much Diu resembles you.

Perhaps your ghost is really haunting him through his aide.

秋

"Maomao." Jinshi hisses.

"Yes, Master Jinshi?" The girl turns to look at him.

"Where did you find Diu? He seems as though he yields from an elite family, yet there are no records of him anywhere." Jinshi raises a brow. "He is far too trained in arithmetic to be from a middle-class family as well."

"Oh, his family records were burned." Maomao shrugs. "He helped me once when I was about to be scammed by a merchant, so I decided to pay him back by employing him. He is good, is he not?"

"He is, but it is highly suspicious." Jinshi grumbles. "Who is his wife?"

"I have never met her."

Jinshi blinks. "You know nothing about him other than that he is good at math and has a wife, and you hired him?"

"Master Jinshi, he is not good at just math." Maomao argues. "She—"

"She?"

"I mean," Maomao sighs. "He is good at arranging the interior of the residence, is he not? He is highly trained in both what the women wield and what the men do. I hired him because he was capable in such areas. Are you doubting my loyalty? I value my head, you know? Diu is a great servant."

"That cannot be refuted, but—"

"I heard my name." Diu flicks Maomao's forehead. "And heard myself get misgendered. I am a man, Maomao. Must you hurt my pride further? I am already a eunuch. My poor wife will never get to experience penetrative pleasure from me because of the profession I have taken."

"Do you have children?" Jinshi raises a brow.

"No, master." Diu shakes his head. "My wife and I are perfectly content with no children. After all, I married into my wife's family."

"Oh, so you yield from nothing?" Jinshi interrogates, leaning onto his palm as he stares the man down.

"Yes." Diu nods. "I yield from nothing. Apart from my wife, I am nothing."

"Suspicious."

"Master." Maomao sighs.

Jinshi holds a hand up to signal for her to stop speaking. "Are you sure you do not yield from money?"

"I do not." Diu nods.

"Then why did Maomao call you a she?"

"Perhaps because I am pretty as one?" Diu winks at Jinshi, blowing a kiss.

Maomao hunches over in laughter as Jinshi fans his face.

"Fair point."

"You are gorgeous too, master." Diu hums. "Pretty like the lilies in the pond... dazzling like the stars in the sky. Surely, if you were a woman, the men would flock to your like bees to a flower."

Jinshi takes a moment to recover, holding his hand up. "The same would go to you, Diu."

"They already do." Diu hums. "I have submitted the report for the season."

"That is good." Jinshi sighs. "Maomao, do not hire random people from the street next time. I am starting to believe you only hired Diu because he is attractive."

"Attractive people need an attractive servants." Maomao shrugs.

Jinshi can't argue with that one.

"Or, perhaps similar people tend to flock to one another." Diu hums, picking up the flower pot with ease.

"Or haunt each other." Maomao mumbles, nodding as the two of them leave the room with the flowers.

It does not take two people to arrange flowers.

Yet, Jinshi pays attention to Maomao's words.

Haunt. Similar people haunt each other.

Maybe that is why he sees you in Diu.

冬

Jinshi finishes the affairs for the day, groaning and rolling his shoulders back as he returns to your office, expecting the rest of his papers to still be there. Instead, he finds Maomao knocked out on the tea table, a finished stack of paper next to her, completed and only left behind for him to sign and seal. He takes the papers, reading through the contents, writing eerily similar. You are not here, yet the writing mirrors yours perfectly. It is your writing down to the bone. It is the same writing that he had read in your reports and invoices for the residence's monthly fees. Furthermore, it was not Maomao's handwriting.

Something is wrong.

The writing is yours. You are present in the mansion. You had danced on the walls, haunted his life, brewed him tea, and done so many things to him. It was not your ghost. You were there to haunt him. Tt infuriates him to no end, but you had to have a hand in the residence to be able to do so. You may not be there physically, but surely someone would have been sent to do the dirty work for you. There seems to be someone new doing the dirty work for him, and who else than his new aide? Perhaps this was some twisted divine punishment in the worst way. Perhaps he would not see the end of the world as he knows it, and you would crawl out of your grave to wrap your fingers around his ankle and drag him to hell with you.

Or perhaps Diu was out for revenge on your behalf.

"Hm?" Maomao wakes up first, jumping in her skin when he stares into her eyes harshly.

There are three people in the residence allowed to write reports.

"Who is Diu."

It is not a question. A command. It is a command.

Maomao stares into Jinshi's eyes, sighing, clicking her tongue in disdain.

"I shall rid of him."

"No. Who is he. Answer." Jinshi curses out. "You brought him in. Who is he."

"I owed him a debt so I hired him." Maomao speaks. "It is that simple."

"Who is he."

"Someone you lost."

"Master!" A maid calls. "Come out to the entrance! There is a maid claiming she knows the madam's whereabouts!"

Jinshi glares at Maomao, pointing down to make sure she stays put.

Maomao watches Jinshi rush out, and she sighs, taking the ointment from her pocket. Now to find you. No way in hell she was listening to him in this situation.

Jinshi meets the maid, and he sees through her immediately. A ploy. This is a ploy. This is some cruel set up by fate who wishes for him to be miserable, and the maid did not know where you were at all. Maomao did. Maomao probably knew exactly where you were, and she had probably known for a while now. He was foolish not to realize it, but he knows it now. He is no longer mad, simply exhausted. He misses you. How he wishes you would just appear out of nowhere. That would fix him.

Jinshi looks up when he hears something above.

Something snaps.

冬

Your lips quirk up from the roof, humming as your voice returns to normal and Maomao wipes the makeup off your face. Your brows are less bushy and your lips turn more delicate. Your lashes remain the same, and you thread your fingers through your hair, smiling as Maomao stares down at the random woman. Talk about timing.

You're sure Jinshi is somewhat aware by now.

You stand up, the tiles clattering under your feet, and you laugh as you stretch your arms above your head, catching the way the woman at the gate pales in horror at the sight of you on the roof. Maomao sits behind you, same wind in her hair, leaning on her palm as you look down at Jinshi with a brow raised, Diu's clothes still on your body. Jinshi's eyes widen as he yells for you, leaving the other woman.

"With that, your debt is paid." You smile at Maomao. "I'll see you around, Maomao."

Maomao watches as you jump over the wall to the residence and Jinshi chase after you.

You sprint through the streets, Jinshi hot on your tail as you weave through the crowds swiftly, leaving Jinshi no chance to catch up to you. You really did think dressing as a man was fun, however much of a shame it was that Jinshi found out that you were the same eunuch hitting on everyone in the residence. You wonder if he'll catch you. At some point, you manage to ditch the outer coat to your shirt, only pants left and the wrap around your chest, throwing the coat at Jinshi to stop him as you rush into the forest.

It does not stop him, and when you dive into the water to get to the cave, a hand wraps around your ankle, pulling you to the surface with it as you kick to be freed. The hand lets go, but not before grabbing your face with a second hand, lips pressed to yours, the two of you float out of the water as Jinshi holds onto your face, legs kicking to keep himself afloat. His grip on your face is solid, no strength spared as he keeps you in place.

"Are you stupid?"

"Me? Stupid?!" You scoff, hands gripping his wrist to try to pull him off. "You're the one who said you would marry no one but Maomao! I simply left because you left me behind!"

"I went back for you!"

"How the hell was I supposed to know that?!" You scream, thrashing against his grip as it tightens, your nails digging into his wrist as he remains unbothered. "You've left me behind so many times! You left me during tea with the fucking emperor so you could save Maomao you nitwit!"

"I needed to save her! You would have done the same! You gave me the army seal!"

"But I would not have neglected you in the outer walls of the palace!" You shriek, finally breaking from his grasp as you dive underwater to swim away.

Jinshi follows after you, hand wrapping around your ankle to pull you to him, hands finding your waist as he pulls you with him to the cave, holding you down on the ground as water drips from his hair onto your face, his vision blurry from something he doesn't know anymore. You make him feel things. The dam holding back all of his emotions for you shatter as he pants, mouth open and chest heaving as he cries, hot tears splattering onto your face, his head hung as you resort to your fate, annoyance all over your face as you wait for him to cry it out.

"Jinshi. You love Maomao. We both know—"

"I don't." He whimpers. "I don't. I don't love her."

"Jinshi—"

somewhere in his subconscious, a rope snags.

"I love you." Jinshi whimpers, tears hot and warm on your cheeks now, dark eyes murky and cloudy, desperation bleeding past his fingers onto your skin as his grip on your tightens, a sob breaking past his lips, almost as if he had been in the same boat as you, the two of you both needing to break in order to be fixed. You had jumped off first, leaving Jinshi on his own as he had to figure out what he needed to do to get you back. You had floated off, lips curled into a peaceful smile and your eyes full of light, only to leave him behind. "I love you." Jinshi repeats again, voice cracking. Deep down, he is still that same child that held hands with you. Both of you were born and bred in order to grow quickly, not spared by the rapids of the palace as you both grew and grew and grew until you were perfect on the outside and hollow on the inside. "I love you." He sobs. "I have loved you for longer than I have been conscious. I did not pick to love Maomao because she had been perfect for me. I had picked her because she had been so full of life and full compared to the both of us. I can't love the same way everyone else does. I have given up my right as emperor, do you not know?! Do you know why you had to treat my wound when Maomao was gone?! I gave up the title! I cannot offer you what you were born and raised for. You deserve—"

You slap him, breathing heavy as the sound echoes through the cave.

"I deserve far more than you can give me." You speak, voice oddly even. "I deserve the world, but there is no point taking someone else's world when all I have ever been raised to know as my world is you. You should have spoken up and done something to communicate. I deserve the title of empress only because I was raised to become one. Beneath the title, all I deserved was for my childhood friend and the anchor of my life to stare at me just once outside of the royal court."

Jinshi whimpers, head still hung, cheek stinging from your slap.

"I was scared. We both cannot afford to have such weaknesses in the royal palace." Jinshi's voice goes quiet. "If I had revealed that I had an attachment to you, then the assassinations would have targeted you. I do not wish for you to drink more poison than you can take. I already know the previous empress made you swallow and swallow until there was nothing left. You are not a doll to me. You are something precious."

"Well you didn't choose me." You sigh. "We are getting nowhere—"

"I love you." Jinshi says it again.

"You do not—"

"I love you." Jinshi stares you in the eye, breathing slowing down and his eyes clear. "Until I stop chasing you under the sun and until the world ends, I love you. Until the heavens themselves strike me down, I will be in love with you. I do not deserve to love you right now, but it does not stop me. I will keep loving you until we return to the dirt of the ground. You may hate me for the rest of your life, despising everything that the royal name I own has put you through, but I will love you. Until I am bleeding my heart out and I become a star in the sky, I will love you. The moon is only gorgeous because it reflects the light from the sun. I am only the moon prince because the sun stands next to me in every event. Without you, I am worth nothing."

"That is a lie and you know it!"

"It is not!" Jinshi yells, lips pressing to yours to shut you up, even when you thrash against him, he holds you down, want and passion rippling through his lips to yours, and even when you accept his kiss, he does not stop, teeth gnashing against yours in something akin to a burning passion. He loves you. You are the sun to his moon, the light that he reflects in his day to day. He may have despised you, but the want that bled through his body at the sight of you was not something he could have ignored either. He loves you. He loves you until he returns to the dust of the world and both of you are lost to history. He loves you until the world caves in on itself and the royal family collapses.

When he finally pulls away, he notices the tears in your eyes and rolling down your cheeks.

"I love you." He whispers.

"Your mother was right." You whimper, voice frail and broken as you cry. "I am just a girl. I did not deserve the fate of the universe to rest on my back. I did not deserve for you to neglect me only to cry to me about loving me all alone. I do not deserve this, Jinshi."

"You are just a girl. I am just a boy." He whispers. "Neither of us deserved what we went through. I have never been in the right when it came to treating you. I will spend eternity trying to win you back after losing you. It will be my divine punishment, and the two of us may enter the afterlife, but I will continue to follow you. I have never been right when it has come to you, and I will spend my life regretting that."

And you cry, chest hurt from the years of pain, heart free from the years of hiding.

You are just a girl, and he is just a boy.

Neither of you deserved what you have been put through in the name of a better nation.

And as he ties his burnt rope to your frayed one to fix the gap, neither did he.

You are just a girl, and he is just a boy.

Alone in a royal palace with no real family.

You did not deserve it.

春

Jinshi brought you home.

His hand on your lower back as the two of you were drenched from head to toe, he brought you back. Maomao wiped your hair down as you thanked her, same dignified smile on your face as always, thanking Maomao for bringing you back. She helped you clean up, and you were returned to your room, the papers of the residence now split between you and Jinshi. Jinshi helps with what he is capable of, papers on his desk split with yours as you help him sort through the affairs of the residence. You are much more well-versed in it than he is.

"Beloved." Jinshi groans. "I need a drink."

You snort, sliding a paper to the side. "Ask Maomao for a drink. I need to make a round in the residence. The new blankets are coming today."

"When will we be wed? We must celebrate your return."

"I find no reason to if I never left." You hum. "You are still yet to propose to me. Not to mention how Maomao still has the hairpin you have given her."

"She does not." Jinshi raises a brow. "She traded it for wen at the pawn store when we went to the streets to get coins."

You raise a brow incredulously.

"You can ask her." Jinshi goes back to whining, Gaoshun sighing.

"Madam." Maomao knocks at the door. "Do you have time?"

You nod, closing the door behind you, and one of the maids hands you something with a bow and runs off when you accept it. It is a treat. Your lips quirk up as you unwrap it, handing Maomao one as you press the other one to your lips. The two of you chew quietly, and you stare at the pond. The red is all gone. You're not sure how Jinshi did it, but he had gotten rid of the blood you stained in it three winters prior. It had been gone for a while now. Yet, you do not say much, chewing on the peanut treat, tossing some at the ducks in the garden as you squat down.

"When is your wedding?"

"There is no need for one." You mumble. "Jinshi may not remember it, but we had been wed already."

Maomao blinks. "You were?"

"It was a simple ceremony. I had no family, so the empress had the two of us wed in secret before her death." You hum. "They dressed me up in red and proceeded with customs, but we continued to refer to each other as betrothed simply because it would be been troublesome for us to be married with no children."

"I see." Maomao mumbles. "Does he remember?"

"I do not believe so—"

You jump in your skin when Jinshi brushes his fingers over the nape of your neck.

"How could I not?" He pouts. "Though, you deserve a bigger wedding. It is the least I should do after putting you through so much."

You grimace at him. "Perhaps we should start from the beginning. Best of luck sending a proposal letter to my nonexistent family, Jinshi."

"No, we should pick up from the wedding." He frowns. "The bed. We never shared a bed."

"Because the empress passed away that same night so no one was there to watch us to rest together." You roll your eyes. "Treat?"

He takes one, humming. "I would prefer to host the wedding again."

You shrug. "The one to plan shall be you, despite the traditional way to go about it. It is not like I can bed you, anyway."

Maomao blinks slowly, cogs turning in her head. You watch, lips curled into a smile when it clicks for her.

"He's a eunuch." She pauses. "Which is why they did not make him bed you."

"Bingo!" You grin. "The second prince officially has one spouse. Master Jinshi has none."

"...then why do the maids here refer to him as master?"

"We force them to be tight-lipped." Jinshi hums. "Anyone who lets a word slip is executed. You live longer when you are tight lipped in this residence."

"I kill at least three maids a year." You hum. "You should watch. I line them up and shoot arrows at them."

Maomao blinks at you in concern. She supposes it is adequate since revealing Jinshi's true name would be like selling him out, but the idea of you wielding a bow... She pauses. No. You've cut a man's head off clean before. It is not out of character. It is simply out of character for the persona you display in front of the royal palace. Huh. Amusing. The contradiction of your quiet personality and the reality of your abilities. Perhaps you had been groomed in such a way to prevent your turning on the late empress.

"You are strange."

"Yes." You smile. "Very strange."

"You know what is strange? The fact that you are not my wife yet." Jinshi sighs dramatically.

You snort.

"Shall we get married in fall? When the harvest is most bountiful?"

"Perhaps." You yawn. "Though, you are to prepare everything."

"Except the dress?" Jinshi pauses. "No. It would be best if I pick the dress. I would simply—"

You smack him in the back of his head. "Bad. Leave the dress and decorations to me. You will simply plan the day and time."

"Yes, beloved." He pouts.

In the distance, a maid waves her hand, and you nod at Jinshi heading off.

Maomao's gaze lingers on you, only speaking up when you are out of earshot.

"Perhaps a new hairpin for her would be good as well."

"Well obviously." He pouts. "Perhaps you know what gem she would prefer?"

"Perhaps out of jade." She turns to look at Jinshi. "And hand carved."

Jinshi spits out blood.

Alright. For you.

Jinshi finishes the hairpin surprisingly fast, going home with ash on his face more often than he liked, but the hairpin is finished, jade shiny under the sun, pearls fastened with red silk, perfect for you to wear. It weighs light in his hand, but the metal is precious. So, he waits for a nice spring day, the sky clear and blue, sun in the sky, and he calls you out for tea.

This time, it would be his turn to chase after you, and he was determined to get you back.

After all, by the stars and the moon, by your birthdays and luck, you were destined.

And even if you were just a girl and he was just a boy, at least he was your boy.

If you would let him, of course.

After all, his rope is fastened to yours forever now.

#guys I need a beer /hj #jinshi x reader #☾.fics #the apothecary diaries #the apothecary diaries x reader #jinshi #reader insert #kusuriya x reader #Kusuriya no Hitorigoto x reader #Kusuriya no Hitorigoto #personally this fic killed me (and jinshi. i made him go through it) #also killed a couple ppl on ao3 (my comment section)

[praisethesuuun]

Can I request a Buddha making love in the shower with his fem partner

This is my first time writing a smut for Buddha, so please be nice to me •///•

English is not my first language so apologies for any mistakes, having said that happy reading💞

Buddha x fem!reader: All For a Candy

Type: smut🔞

Warnings: unprotected sex, creampie, oral sex, blowjob, shower sex

The air in the room was chilly, rippling your soft skin, warmed by the afternoon spent with your lover. He had convinced you to go with him, in the temple where you served as a priestess; interrupting you during one of your long prayers. You had not chosen to stay there: the local believers had entrusted you to the mother priestess immediately after finding you alone near the city gates, condemning you to a life of prayer, more uncomfortable clothes than anything else and chastity. But everything changed when you met a bizarre man who was looking for lodging for the night. His hair was styled in a very loose way, his eyes bore the beauty of a thousand freshly bloomed lotus flowers, while his expression went from calm to frustrated as the man crushed the candy in his mouth instead of melting it with the tongue. "Damn lollipops, I can never finish one without biting it"

His name was Buddha, a name that seemed to you at the time to fit his person. And yet, even if on the outside you were maintaining a calm expression, typical of a priestess, inside you were exploding with annoyance: the so-called Buddha would not stop filling you with questions, making you confused about the right path to take and refusing to leave you alone with the your thoughts. "So...why shut yourself up in a temple?"

"I already told you, my parents wanted it"

You were careful to keep the truth well hidden, avoiding the risk of making your temple look bad, painting it as a home for orphans; the other priestesses had been far too clear about it.

"Why don't you leave?"

"Why should I?"

"Your hate can be felt for miles, the stench is even stronger near you!" he said throwing her head back and holding his nose, leaving you shocked, eyes wide and mouth agape.

"Who the hell is this lad?" you thought as you tried to process the scene before you. A shiver ran down your spine: if you were really that easy to read, then you were doing a terrible job of not arousing suspicion from others. Leaving that cage was your dream since you were a child; you prayed to the gods every day to send you an angel ready to lift you up and take you away, far, far away, from the mother priestess and the strong smell of sandalwood incense. A caged bird, fed out of compassion, that's how you felt.

"We're here"

Your voice was hard, firm, you had gone from being a precious lily to seeming like an imposing elm; Buddha felt the change in the air, perhaps he had exaggerated provoking you like that, or the bastard was aiming for just that reaction...

After all, it was his job to guide anyone who felt lost: your poor soul had ventured into the maze of darkness, a thick shadow full of life. "But where's the shadow, there's light"

You looked at him again confused, judiciously before opening your mouth again: "Excuse me?"

"Ah! Nothing!" the stranger became defensive, exactly like a cat that is seen rummaging in the garbage.

"Weird"

"Rude!"

*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*

That little meeting of yours, even if it seemed strange and completely out of place, would have been the beginning of something much more beautiful. The only problem was, you didn't know it yet.

His stay made you go through all the colors of rage, even making you sweat blood from the nerves that the Buddha made you feel. Apparently, the mother priestess had well thought of entrusting her care to you; who seeks finds and who finds keeps, right?

Bullshit, that was. The great abbess simply didn't feel like moving her ass off her soft pillow, so she left the heavy lifting to her only submissive, one submissive enough to follow her every whim. You.

"Perfect..." you whispered as you picked up the newcomer's dirty clothes from the floor, placing them in a hand-woven basket

"...just perfect"

Your gaze turned sad all of a sudden. It was precisely in moments like this that the chains wrapped around your body pulled the most, tearing you both inside and out, and the mother priestess was the very one who had tied them to you the same day she locked you in there. She kept you on a leash like a little dog, but you didn't have the courage to oppose it, how could you? Let's say you had found the courage to rebel and finally leave... and then what? What would you have done alone?

"Nothing!"

Screaming might have relieved you of some tension, even tearing off your ceremonial dress and throwing it on the ground helped. So that's exactly what you did, opening in a short space of time that armor you'd built up over the years.

The dress hit the floor exactly as an archer's arrow pierces a target, making a dry, muffled sound. Inside you there was a storm going on, the same one that was now making you cry tears of anger, hot, but cold when they fell on your bare skin.

"You'll catch a cold like this"

Panic. Your mind began to invoke all the gods you knew of, repeating mantras, turning your head into a temple and your body stiff as wooden planks. The terror that one of the priests had seen you like that made you more afraid than death: he would immediately have you considered a heretic, only to excommunicate you under the contemptuous eyes of heaven.

Tears began to cloud your eyes again, remaining motionless staring at the dark wall of the small room; fear refused to make you turn and face the man before you. It was over. Head of the line for the crazed little priestess.

"Here"

Buddha said in a tender voice, then warm, this time not on your face but on your shoulders. At that point, you couldn't take it anymore and turned your head only to meet a pair of lotus eyes, deep and curious, the same ones who had captured you few hours before. "Thank you" you mutter trying to calm your nerves, but the thing was, you didn't know how to react at all. "Go on" he urged you to walk, nudging you slowly, carrying you through the silent corridors of the temple, the floorboards at your feet creaking with almost every step.

Buddha made you sit on his mat, closing the door and making sure no one was spying; once quiet, he sighed, sitting next to you, waiting for you to speak. A few seconds passed before you decided to breathe your mouth, without even trying to maintain the mask of a devout believer, you had been unmasked. "I never wanted this and you shouldn't have see me like...that"

The man only hummed. He still wanted to hear more, uh?

"They found me nearby, in a lute basket. I had no choice"

"You have now"

Those words hit you in the heart, punching it. You should have packed a sweat towel, because that conversation was about to become a duel where the sharpest word would win, hands down. But what exactly does it mean to win? You didn't want to be there, that's enough, it was obvious. Maybe you didn't just want to show your restrictions, those that perhaps the Abbess hadn't put on you, but Fear itself.

"Why don't you join me? Better than staying here, isn't it?"

"Can I? Really?"

In Buddha's eyes, you were exactly a beautiful canary whose cage was being opened, even if you carried the rage of a hungry wolf inside. His soul softened, feeling affection and pity for you, which translated into a sincere smile. Your cheeks turned red instantly: living like that, you had never experienced sensations other than negative ones and you had lost every shred of wonder, yet his smile had moved something inside you. It was contagious and even your lips curled up.

That night changed everything, turning your life upside down like the bad pancakes Buddha tried to cook from time to time. You two decided to leave immediately, at the following dawn to be precise, escaping into the thickets and dodging the threats of all the priests. Your smile was dazzling, with Buddha running dragging you with his hand tight around yours.

"HURRY UP!"

"GOT IT"

"THEY JUST THREW ME A PAN"

Freedom was sweet, mighty. It crept under your skin with every stride you took towards the temple exit, while Buddha - strictly with a new candy in the mouth - had the same dreamy eyes of someone reliving distant memories.

*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*

And here you are, years later, still together as the duo you were. Embraced in a hotel room where you have found shelter for the night, outside a stormy wind was blowing, which made the leaves of the trees whistle like freshly launched darts. "It's getting cold" you whispered in his ear, ready to get up to go get another blanket. Those days had been particularly stormy and had made the lives of travelers like you difficult. Finding that little inn in the woods had been like a blessing, as if some angel had smiled at you. In front of your aching legs and empty stomach, a clean bed meant a glimmer of sunshine amidst the raindrops.

"I heard they have spas downstairs, we could try them"

Buddha's voice was honeyed, like the candy cane that he was tossing with his tongue. You felt like eating his lips, stealing it from his mouth and playing a little, but no one was snatching the beloved snacks from the Buddha, he would rather throw the bed at you than follow you all the way to the hot springs. So, you went with that option because, hey, you only live once, right?

Your loved one couldn't even complain since you were inspired by one of his lessons. Your head rose slowly, approaching his like a tiger stalking its prey; he guessed and grinned playfully before speaking: "You just can't resist me"

"No, I can't!" you answered with an innocent smile, melting Buddha's heart. You were so beautiful: with your cheeks still dyed red, your hair a little disheveled and your skin still marked by his signs of love. He couldn't resist you either, so he decided to humor you and kiss you, in such a romantic way that for a moment you wondered if it was really your man and not a double.

His tongue danced with yours, while his hands rested lazily on your back, leaving some courtesy caresses. Buddha didn't even have time to realize it, that all the fire of your skin against his was instinctive as if they had thrown a bucket of water over it. His lids - closed before - had opened as soon as he felt a gust of air against his chest. A moment of silence, then he shifted his attention to the door to your open room and the trail of a blanket disappearing behind the wall. Confusion, realization, and then: "O-Oi! My candy!"

A breathless chase around the hotel began, where you darted in amusement with the candy stuck in your teeth, trying not to choke yourself on it by mistake, while Buddha was moaning behind you, chasing you with devotion. These little moments were your favorite and even better was the way they played out.

In a short time, the sliding door of the indoor spa could already be glimpsed and you jumped in as if there were no tomorrow. Paying attention to the floor of large stones, you made your way towards the largest pool; you started to turn, ready for your lover's angry expression, but he pounced on you at the first opportunity, throwing both of your bodies into the hot water. "Bad girl! That's no good!" he scolded you in a playful way, splashing you with water.

"Tell the truth, you liked it"

"You stole my dessert so it's impossible"

Buddha answered you, before taking off his soaked trousers to throw them near the edge of the tub, huffing lightly.

"I'll make it up to you, then"

A sensual smirk crept onto your face, while your (e/c) became veiled in lust, as if a goddess of love were manipulating you like a puppet. The man grinned as he felt his sweetheart's hands push him towards the edge of the perimeter, where he was trapped by your arms. The water rippled in concentric circles with your every step, while its roar colored the air together with the further sound of the small waterfalls. "So get started now, you'll be busy"

Buddha whispered in a deep voice, using the strength in his arms to sit on the marble edge, making you immediately collide with the sight of his already partially erect cock. You held his length in your hand, you could feel his warmth, how the pulse beat under your skin. Buddha had a little spasm when you kissed him, you smiled when you saw him tilt his head back and moan. But you wanted to own him, leave an indelible mark on the man.

You started using your tongue and it made him jump. Oh Gods, it was hard. Working with your mouth, you licked it from base to tip, smiling between various moans. You tasted the crown with your tongue, it tasted sweet and salty at the same time, then you kissed up and down. You moistened your lips before dipping it in your mouth, you did it looking Buddha straight in the eyes. His hand worked its way through your hair and grasping it, tried to guide you gently, up and down the length, cheeks slightly sunken as you massaged the part you couldn't reach.

"Fuck" moaned the man, who came after a few minutes. Every sound that came out of his mouth was like a drug for you, making you suddenly blush as you felt his seed flooding your throat. A choked sound came out of your mouth at first, then you swallowed it all to regain your title of good girl.

"You came...so much..." you huffed, looking up at him with eyes slightly closed.

Desire possessed Buddha, prompting him to immerse himself again in the tub to join you; he grabbed your breasts, squeezing them and pressing his thumb on your nipples, making you literally scream. Your lover wanted to love every inch of your body, squeezing and biting your every curve.

"Please, don't stop~"

"Damn water" he cursed. In fact, the water made him lose friction on your skin: Buddha's hands were constantly slipping and he couldn't get half the things he wanted to get done. From nervousness he kissed you hungrily, biting and taking your breath away, while one of your hands grabbed his now loose and wet hair, as if to push him even more towards your body.  Touching his skin was all you wanted, to hold him close and merge with him.

Your souls vibrated in sync, while your sighs and moans were drowned out by the rushing water, urging you not to hold back.

"Buddha..."

His name escaped your mouth like a prayer, one of those recited with heart in hand and with all possible devotion to one's god. "Alright, sweetheart. Turn around, can you do that for me?" Buddha asked you urgently, rosy cheeks and pure lust in his deep gaze. "Yes, honey" you answered with the exact same tone and turning your back on him.

Buddha grabbed your arms pulling them back and arching your back; you could feel some of your hair sticking to your skin as your legs spread in preparation for the future. Buddha was impatient, he couldn't help himself anymore: you drove him crazy, the man had never felt anything like that for a woman, but the meeting with you had moved his entire existence and now he couldn't help but overwhelm you.

Buddha forcibly thrusted his hips towards you releasing a deep growl and entering your womanhood. You sighed deeply arching your back even more and releasing a loud moan, which echoed throughout the room. How beautiful that feeling of fullness was and even more so given the person who was filling it. Something mixed with serenity and lust pervaded you making numerous shivers pass along your entire body.

He began to move his pelvis at an excruciating pace, for both of you. Buddha accelerated after a few minutes and your moans only encouraged the man more and more. Your legs were almost weaving but feeling your partner's hands holding you up gave you a sense of stability and security. The noises that escaped his lips, combined with those of the water, excited you more and more, while small droplets of sweat began to run down your body until they became part of the pool.

"Fuck...fuck, (Y/N)...you're so good"

From that position the man enjoyed a breathtaking view: your slightly bent head, your firm ass bouncing with every movement, his cock repeatedly entering and exiting your tight pussy, the rippling surface of the water and the latter which emphasized the sound of their skins touching. He couldn't take it anymore. He was about to reach his limit and he wasn't going to until you reached yours too.

His movements increased and became more desperate and sloppy. The scream of pleasure that came out of your mouth was melody to Buddha's ears behind you, who sighed deeply. With that position you could feel his member grow and throb inside you, it was as if you could sense every single vein rubbing against your skin. You were about to reach the limit and Buddha noticed it from the grip that your walls were exerting around him. He increased his hip movements even more regardless of the noise that was rumbling through the stone walls of the spa. Just as he was about to release his pleasure, he walked over to you and, in a low hoarse voice, asked, “Should I finish outside?”

But you opened your lids slightly, freeing yourself from his grip, you pressed your back to his muscular chest, while his strong arms moved around your hips. “Don't even think about it" you said before looking back and kissing him, bringing both of you to orgasm. Buddha held you in his arms, his movements became slow to fully enjoy the moment. You released a loud moan that was muffled by the deep kiss. His saliva mixed with yours dripped from your chin, just like his semen, which was now slowly pouring out of you in small streams.

Once you broke away and caught your breath, you burst out laughing, breaking the silence: "I should steal your snacks more often"

"Try it, I'll give you all the punishments you deserve"

"Now, that's what I wanted to hear~"

He smiled at you, a sincere smile full of affection, before capturing your lips again, softly as if you were made of porcelain.

Your heart started beating fast: this man would be your death, he had given you everything he had to offer without expecting anything in return, freeing you from your cage and treating you like a queen. You loved him, yes you did. Buddha felt the same way and although he couldn't offer you a life as rich as the one you were living before, he will never regret the moment when he freed his precious canary from the cage in which it was locked up.

#record of ragnarok #ror x reader #ror x you #snv x reader #snv x you #request #shuumatsu no valkyrie x reader #snv buddha #buddha x you #buddha x reader #ror buddha #record of ragnarok buddha #snv smut #ror smut #record of ragnarok smut

[suicide-with-dazai]

"Diluc fluff scenarios"

tw: none !

tags: diluc x reader , esablished relashionship , 100% fluff <3

contrary to popular belief , dilucs heart isnt all that cold . sure , he lives for battle and revenge and the succession of his own industry, however , only you are aware that diluc has a soft side , a warm side . a side that climbs into bed next to your sleeping frame; whispering sweet nothings into your ears as he strokes your hair .

he may seem like a dangerous man to some - but you know hes far from it !

"luc...im cold..." you shiver as you toss and turn in bed , the window is shut but the freezing air attacks mondstadt like a vicious hound , biting at your fingertips and turning your lips blue .

"come, sweet girl~" he whispers deeply and softly as he wraps his toned arms around your body , kissing your forehead and making your heart flutter .

"i think you look really cute in that one~" he sits back on the dressing room chair , arms crossed and eyeing your figure as you try on a dress he picked out for you . a satin one , wine red ruffles hugging your waist and long panels of soft fabric flowing all the way down to the floor . you look ... perfect , you can tell by the way your boyfriend adjusts himself on the chair , trying not to stare too long .

you had been walking for about half an hour , and the sun was setting , he told you that he was going to show you something beautiful . the two of you reached a peaceful looking spot , with a large tree and a pond , just on the outskirts of mondstadt .

"soo... whats the beautiful thing you were going to show me ?" you sit down by the water , confused .

diluc kneels infront of you and softly says , "look in the pond."

you oblige , expecting to see a pretty lotus or a koi , but you see nothing... apart from your reflection . the moonlit starry sky behind you illuminating the ripples as you look into your own eyes for a moment .

you almost shed a tear , as youve been feeling a little insecure lately and you throw your arms around your kneeling boyfriend , his arms already out .

"isnt she pretty~?"

you nod , sniffling and resting your head in the crook of his neck . archons , he always knows how to charm you and make you feel like a nervous teenager all over again .

diluc treats your hands like glass , like theyre made of silk and holds them like a precious artifact .

"my treasure~" he whispers while he strokes and kisses the back of your hand .

its after hours in the Angels Share , and youre sat across from diluc , who is only slightly tipsy yet completely lovestruck . he intertwines his fingers with yours and brushes his thumb over your hand .

"i.... think i have a crush on you ..." he jokingly says .

you notice him blush and squeeze your hand tighter while he giggles like a child .

sat alone at home , you decide take a nap . gods , since dilucs been away on a business trip the house just feel so ... empty . you start to settle down , having nobody to cuddle you from behind .

but suddenly , you hear something slip through the letterbox . with a sigh you walk over to retrieve it .

'To my love ,

From Diluc Ragnvindr'

the envelope reads .

you quickly rush back to bed to open it :

'My baby , you have no idea how much i miss you , how lost i am without you , and how cold these nights get without someone to hold .

I hope youre okay , and coping well . Ill be back in a week , i promise , and ill give you the biggest kiss and cuddle youve ever had . Im eager to return to you , however this business trip could be a life changer for us - just know that i really love you , and i miss you darling .

- Luc ♡'

your eyes prick as you fold the letter back up , holding it in your arms as you drift off to sleep.

reblogs welcome <3 check out my pinned post i worked really hard on it :')

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin hcs #genshin scenarios #diluc #diluc x you #diluc x reader #diluc x y/n #diluc ragnvindr #pyro #genshin smut #smut #diluc smut #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #genshin fluff #diluc fluff #diluc x reader fluff #fluff scenario #fluff hcs #fluff #fluff headcanons

[jukti-torko-golpo]

A Moment with the Mothers :

Shwetpadmasana

My mind is in turmoil. Thoughts are racing around and crashing with each other. Thorns of shattered dreams are tearing through my skin. The maddening hopelessness of wasted time is screaming around my mind. The frustration of the focus that has been lost for years now choke me. Tears roll down my eyes. I crash on the ground. 'Ma help please,' I plead to the walls of my room as they stand witness to my pain.

There is a soft cooling wind. And a shroud of peace falls on me. The dark room seems to be aglow with a very pure light. But the light strangely does not blind me. It gently guides me to its source.

I am led to a strange place. I am surrounded with dark murky waters but somehow it does not touch me. There in the middle is a huge white lotus...the purest white I have ever seen. It floats on the murky waters without touching it. Lotus leaves form steps to its centre. There is a woman sitting there playing a Veena. She is awash with a strange welcoming light. Her Veena is emitting a sound which simultaneously sounds like every piece of music I love.

She opens her eyes and looks at me. She has such a gentle and loving smile on her face. Her face is like the moon of Purnima when it casts away night's darkness. Her dark hair ripples down her back. Her eyes are most beautifully lined with kohl. She is wearing a white saree made of the softest cotton bordered with exquisitely woven golden threads. She is wearing garlands of jasmines and pearls around her neck and wrists. They are spreading a heavenly fragrance all around. I am scared of even breathing loudly in front of this celestial being. Who is she?

Then I look into her eyes. They look at me with the love of a mother calling her child home. I rush to her without thinking anymore. Tears streaming down my cheeks I hug her. She holds me close to her bosom. Her gentle hands caress my head. My tears reflect in her eyes.

I have not spoken a single word but she seems to understand everything I have to say. In fact, even more. She understands every unspoken word hidden in the deepest crevasses of my mind. She holds my face and in the gentlest voice tells me to have faith in her. To not be afraid of the light of knowledge and truth. No time is lost. Everything is in accordance to what she had planned for me. A plan specific to me. Everything has been designed by her. I have to be unafraid of working hard to keep the flame of knowledge alive. The knowledge is not restrained in books. It is everywhere. She will always look out for me. Hold my hand through perilous roads. She will be there.

A resplendent swan glides though the air and lands nimbly on the dark waters. It reaches into the water and seems to have picked out some strange light from the darkness. I am bewildered. The Mother laughs...the sweet sound ringing through the darkness. She tells me to be like the swan. The darkest of waters have light hidden in them. I must learn how to find that light. Every bit of light I find will add to the flame inside me.

She gently kisses my head and everything around me dissolves into darkness. I wake up with a jerk. I am on the ground. It was a dream. But then why is the smell of jasmines still lingering around me? I stand up dazed to switch on the light of the room. A bright, fresh jasmine falls off my lap. I pick it up and hold it close to my heart.

@lavanya-lakshmi @shaonsim @mitraavarunaa @callonpeevesie @whippersnappersbookworm @krishnapriyakiduniya @salt-n-caramel @harinishivaa @shivansa @dhyanshiva @cosmicdreams1111 @your-favourite-skittles @herawell guys might like this.

#miru rambles #original post #desiblr #desi tag #hindu mythology #goddess saraswati #saraswati vandana #spirituality #hindu goddess #devi #shakti #spilled ink #miru writes

[leechs]

"And for just a moment I had reached the point of ecstasy that I always wanted to reach, which was the complete step across chronological time into timeless shadows, and wonderment in the bleakness of the mortal realm, and the sensation of death kicking at my heels to move on, with a phantom dogging its own heels, and myself hurrying to a plank where all the angels dove off and flew into the holy void of uncreated emptiness, the potent and inconceivable radiancies shining in bright Mind Essence, innumerable lotus-lands falling open in the magic mothswarm of heaven. I could hear an indescribable seething roar which wasn’t in my ear but everywhere and had nothing to do with sounds. I realized that I had died and been reborn numberless times but just didn’t remember especially because the transitions from life to death and back to life are so ghostly easy, a magical action for naught, like falling asleep and waking up again a million times, the utter casualness and deep ignorance of it. I realized it was only because of the stability of the intrinsic Mind that these ripples of birth and death took place, like the action of wind on a sheet of pure, serene, mirror-like water. I felt sweet, swinging bliss, like a big shot of heroin in the mainline vein; like a gulp of wine late in the afternoon and it makes you shudder; my feet tingled. I thought I was going to die the very next moment. But I didn’t die, and walked four miles and picked up ten long butts and took them back to Marylou’s hotel room and poured their tobacco in my old pipe and lit up."

On the Road, Jack Kerouac

[ancientcivilizationnonsense]

OCkiss24 day one: almost

The sun lazily drifted through the green canopy of the garden. The insects hummed and somewhere a frog called. White flowers were scattered amongst the leaves. Felix followed Anipe across the shady pavilion, marveling at the lush plant life despite the oppressive Egyptian heat. 

“This is my little slice of paradise,” Anipe said, gesturing around her. “When the court and Pharaoh responsibilities get too much, I hide out here.”

Felix knelt down next to a clear pond and looked at his reflection. His curly blond hair and scuffed armor rippled in the gentle wake of a waterstrider. And next to him stood Anipe, her shimmering dress and long braids gently swaying in the wind. 

“It’s beautiful,” he murmured. 

“Thank you.” Anipe suddenly realized how intimate it felt, showing him her personal garden, a place only she was allowed to go, and her cheeks flushed as she turned away. 

The conversation came to an awkward pause, neither of them sure how to continue this careful dance. 

Felix stood, dusting his knees off, and attempted a causal tone. “What kind of flower is that? They smell really good.”

“Oh, that’s a lotus. They’re pretty right?”

Anipe grinned and Felix felt his heart jump into his throat. He hadn’t noticed the little gap between her teeth before. 

“Here.” Before he knew what was happening, Anipe picked one and tucked it behind his ear, nestling it in his curls. She suddenly seemed to realize what she was doing and froze, fingers still brushing the shell of his ear. She cleared her throat and looked down. “Lotuses remind us that everything grows and changes. At night they close but once the sun returns, they’re full of life again. They are created and reborn just like the gods are. Like people are.”

“Yeah,” Felix breathed. 

Anipe glanced back up at him. Felix heard the blood rushing through his ears and before he could stop himself, he slowly leaned forward. It felt like he was being drawn towards her like the sun was drawn towards the horizon. Breathtaking and inevitable. Her eyes fluttered closed as she turned her head. Felix felt her breath dancing across his cheek. 

“Opto…” she whispered. 

“Yes?”

She opened her mouth to say something but stopped herself. The air between them was charged with the anticipation of her unsaid words. Slowly, she put her hands on his shoulders then slid them down to his chest, gently pushing him away. “We should get back. Every moment we waste is a moment my people suffer.”

She stepped around him and briskly started back towards the palace. Felix frowned at the absence of her warmth but nodded, gripping the hilt of his sword. 

“Yes, your majesty.”

#this is set in ancient rome/egypt for context #also 'opto' is a military position that's second in command of the roman legion #felix antonia #ancient rome #original character #historical fiction #history #ancient egypt #ockiss24 #oc kiss week #oc

[paisholotus]

Zintandathu

Present Day-2018

 

Narrative 

 

"My Prince, coming up on them now." Okoye told T'challa, sitting in her lotus position.

 

T'Challa stands and moves to a sand model of the convoy down below. Okoye gets up out of her chair and grabs her spear off the wall. She moves towards the back of the craft towards T'challa. "No need, Okoye. I can handle this alone." He tells her.

 

Okoye pauses, then returns her spear to the wall. T'Challa closes the model and steps to a marked circle on the floor. "I will get the women out as quickly as possible." Okoye places six kimoyo beads into T'Challa's gloved hands. "Just don't freeze when you see her." She said, smirking at him. T'challa was confused as to who she was talking about; he rolled his eyes and picked up his helmet. "What are you talking about? I never freeze."

 

T'Challa slips on his helmet, revealing himself to be the Black Panther, and folds his arms over his chest. Okoye opens her closed fist, dropping the Panther out of the aircraft. The Panther hurdles through the clouds and throws the spheres toward the cars below. The spheres change shape into edged discs that follow through the air as they zip forward.

 

The discs mount themselves to the hoods of all the vehicles, sending a sonic ripple through them, stopping the convoy in its tracks. The militant leader riding in the front watches as the driver looks around, confused.

 

He tries turning the key to start the truck up again, and nothing happens. The militant leader grabs his AK-47 and climbs to the front of the truck. He spots the disk mounted to it and tries pulling it off to no avail. He raises his fist.

 

"Defense position!" The militant leader slips down a night vision monocular as the other militants echo the call and begin to fall in line.

 

Inside the truck are several Nigerian women. The young soldier exited the vehicle as the goddess watched closely.

 

The pickup's driver climbs out, cocking a submachine gun, and looks into the forest in the wrong direction. Slowly approaching, the militant leader points to shifting foliage in the direction of the Panther. The militants nod, and the militant leader covers them while they go off into the grass.

 

The militants move slowly, following every sound. They point their guns at the base of a tree, but it's just a stray dog. The gunmen approach the tree, eyeing around, then look up to find the Panther stalking them like his prey from the treetops. The goddess climbs out of the truck, carefully leading the other captive women out of the truck.

 

"Come in! Come in!" The leader yells into the radio. We hear a faint struggle, then a militant body is hurled into the side of the pickup truck as the other militants look on in horror. The gunners and all of the other men in the convoy blindly opened fire into the trees.

 

Then the Panther emerges from behind them, flipping into the truck bed and slashing clean through the base of it, then taking the gunner out with a single blow. Slipping behind a militant, the goddess pulls water from the trees and encircles the man, knocking him against the tree and knocking him out cold. She leaps onto a second militant, easily taking him down and striking him in the throat.

 

The four men don't see the Panther coming and executing a barrage of punches and kicks; the Panther viciously dispatches them. He spots the young militant firing at him, then slashes through a car door and throws the door at a militant behind him, taking him out.

 

In a moment of desperation, the young militant rushes out, firing at the Panther to no effect. Then, as the Panther walks towards him, the Goddess dives out, kicking the young militant's gun from his hand and grabbing him in a necklock. Swinging around, the Goddess pushes the Panther in the chest, stopping his momentum. Caught off guard, the Panther freezes.

 

"Stop! Him just a boy. He got kidnapped too." The goddess pulls the wrap from the young militant's face, exposing his pre-teen expression. She walked towards him, smirking and crossing her arms. The Panther stares at her for too long.

 

"Lua, I... I... I wanted to." T'challa stuttered but was cut off by Lua smacking his arm. "Yuh, mess up my mission! Wah yuh doing here?" She asked him, playfully glaring at him. "My father is dead, Lua." He sadly told her.

 

The news devastates her. Tears welled in her eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered how sorry she was. T'challa held her tightly, nuzzling into her neck. "I will be crowned King tomorrow, and I wish for my other family to be there." Lua looks at T'Challa deeply and nods, kissing his cheek. She then turns, catching eyes with one of the Nigerian captives as Okoye brings them from around the truck.

 

Lua walks towards the women and tells them that her guards will take them home. Okoye also made sure to let them know not to speak of what they saw tonight.

 

-Time Skip-

 

The Royal Talon Fighter heads for the Royal Palace, a magnificent building at the center of the city, and touches down on the landing pad. And right behind them, landing beside them, was the Royal SC Nightfall.

 

Walking down the strip, T'challa and Okoye waited for the Adamu family to exit the aircraft. When the doors let down, Lua, Yarri, Aja, and Erik's mom, Tasha, began walking towards them. Waiting up front were Ramonda, Shuri, and Erik. On each side were Ayo and Aneka.

 

Lua sped towards Ramonda, opening her arms to hug her. "Hey, mama." Ramonda wrapped her arms around Lua and kissed the side of her head. They pulled away, and Ramonda gave her a teary smile. "Lua, it's so good to see you, my child." Lua placed Queen Mother's hands against her lips and gave her hushed condolences.

 

Lua let go of her hands and went to hug Shuri and Erik, but he playfully shoved her off, saying she was being "too mushy."

 

Erik threw his arms around his mama, asking how she was and kissing the side of her face. She smiled big at him, giving him a kiss back.

 

It was Aja's and Yarri's turn to hug Queen Mother, then on to Erik to his dismay, causing Yarri to smack her teeth and smirk, saying, "Oh, you don't want to hug me?" Yarri, being the same height as Erik, smacked him upside the head and hugged him anyway, causing him to chuckle and hug her back.

 

Shuri looked at Okoye, then back at T'challa. "Did he freeze?" She asked Okoye, causing T'challa to look at her, offended. Erik snorted, crossing his arms and looking at his cousin. "Hell, yeah, he froze." Erik said, cackling. "Like an antelope in headlights." Okoye added, causing everyone to laugh, except for Lua, who had a small smile on her face.

 

She thought T'challa looked extra scrumptious in his suit. "Are you three finished?" T'challa playfully asked them.

 

Okoye slams her spear into the ground, signaling the rest of the Dora to follow her off, along with the Adamu family. T'challa watched Lua leave with a small smile on his face and turned to Shuri, who was watching Aja with a shy smile on her face. He smirks at her but doesn't tease her like she did.

 

"I was so surprised that my little sister came to see me and her cousin off before our big day." Erik rolled his eyes and went to stand next to his older cousin. "Nigga, ain't nobody want to come see you." T'challa glared at him and shoved him, causing Erik to buck at him. "Bantwana! Behave, nceda," Ramonda told them sternly.

 

"Don't y'all start! Today's a good day." Tasha said, pointing her finger at them. Romanda nodded in agreement, smiling at both boys.

 

They both pouted, and Ramonda shook her at her son and nephew. There's nothing that's going to change about them; they were still little boys at heart. "You wish I was here to see you. I'm here for the EMP beads; I need to update them." Shuri told T'challa.

 

"Update? No, it worked perfectly." He said, shaking his head. Shuri rolled her eyes and scoffed. "How many times do I have to teach you? Just because something works doesn't mean that it cannot be improved." She said, smartly.

 

"You are teaching me; what do you know?" He asked her. "More than your noodle head ass." Erik said, under his breath. Causing T'challa to glare at Erik again. "N'Jadaka!" Ramonda warned him. Erik mumbled a sorry, looking at Shuri, who was trying not to laugh. Shuri holds out her hand, and T'Challa drops the beads into her hand, and he watches her turn around to leave.

 

"How are you feeling today, mama?" T'challa asked his mother. Ramonda smiled sweetly at her son and cupped his cheeks. "Proud. Your father and I would talk about this day all the time. He is with us, and it is your time to be king!" She then looked over to her nephew and cupped his cheeks, causing him to give her a big smile. "I am most proud of you, Umlilo Wam." She said, giving him a teary smile. "Your father would be extremely proud of the man you've become, and now it is also your time to be the Jaguar!" She said, smiling brightly.

 

"Ouu! I'M SO PROUD OF MY BABY!" Tasha said, walking over, squeezing Erik's cheeks with happy tears in her eye's.

 

Erik looked down, feeling his own eyes well up. T'challa looked at his younger cousin with pride and patted his back. "Kulungile! Let's go. We have family waiting for us." Ramonda said, hurrying both young men back into the palace.

 

 

Taraji P Henson as Tasha Stevens

#black reader #black writers #black tumblr #self post #tumblelog #black girls #poc reader #black representation #poc writer #black excellence #black panther #black panther x black reader #black panther wakanda forever #T'challa #t'challa x black reader #erik stevens #erik killmonger #erik killmonger x black reader #shuri #shuri x black! reader #shuri x black reader #shuri x black! fem reader #queen ramonda #general okoye #african mythology #my queen of wakanda

[liberty-or-death]

"The numerous gods of the Mount Jiuyi have arrived, they arrive as plentiful as the clouds as they greet Lady Xiang. " "SHL Episode 9 - Qu Yuan's Cu Ci Nine Song九歌 Series Lady Xiang 湘夫人"

I deliberated for a long time as to whether I’d translate this poem.  But this likely where Gu Xiang got her name from so I just had to do it.  I thought this would be a simple poem but it took me more than a month to do it lol. XD

When native cn speakers come across a lady with the name Xiang 湘, it immediately brings to mind the two Xiang River Goddesses.  They were said to be the concubine of the legendary Emperor Shun.  “Lady Xiang 湘夫人” is a Pre Qin poem that’s written as part of Qu Yuan's Chu Ci Jiu Ge/Nine Song series, and it’s also known as the sister poem to “Xiang Jun 湘君”.

There are many interpretations as to who the focus of the story is.  But for the sake of this translation, I’ll be working on the assumption that the poem is about Lady Xiang missing her husband (Emperor Shun).  The poem’s really long and only the last part’s quoted in SHL, so feel free to skip to the end of the translation.  

This poem's known its vibrant descriptions and there's a bunch of reference to specific plants which I've linked. If you ever intend to write a fic in the Chu dynasty, or a fic centered around the 700-200BC, you could use this as a visual reference. (yas my nerdy friends, historical accuracy is sexy)

帝子降兮北渚，目眇眇兮愁予。

Lady Xiang has arrived at the Northern Island, my gaze is filled with sadness and worry. 

北渚: This was likely referring to  君山岛 Junshan Island. There's a lot of historical sites if you ever want to go there!

袅袅兮秋风，洞庭波兮木叶下。

The autumn wind blows gently endlessly; the Dongting lake ripples, the leaves fall.

登白薠兮骋望，与佳期兮夕张。

Standing amidst the reeds as I gaze into the distance, anticipating the date with the lover tonight.  

鸟何萃兮蘋中，罾何为兮木上？

Why do the birds gather amongst the reeds? Why are the fishnets on the tops of the trees?

This line implies that the birds should be in the trees, and the fishnets among the aquatic reeds.  But yet the situation’s the reverse.  (Ie. what should have happened has t happened.). It describes the author’s uneasy feelings.  

T/N: Just in case anyone’s as nerdy as me, this is likely a mirror of the line “采薜荔兮水中，搴芙蓉兮木末 I want to pick the scallops in the water, and to pluck the lotus from the trees” in sister poem in the same series, 湘君 Xiang Jun.

And look, more pictures of plants! (yes it's a different reed xD)

沅有芷兮澧有兰，思公子兮未敢言。

Th flower from the ginseng plant in the River Yuan, and orchids in the Lishui River.  I can’t describe how much I miss you, Young Master (Gongzi). 

T/N: Interestingly, 公子 Gongzi (aka Young Master) could be used on both male and female in the past.  This is a very interesting point because there’s actually a huge debate as to who’s the poem is referring to.  Baidu has interpreted this to mean Miss Xiang (ie. the goddess), but on the contrary, one physical book (yes I take this seriously lmao) I’ve bought thinks this is referring to Xiang Jun (the subject in her sister poem, and possibly her husband), and another physical book refrains from nailing the subject down.  So who knows LOL.

And just how gorgeous is the ginseng flower!

荒忽兮远望，观流水兮潺湲。

My emotions are unsettled, I gaze towards the distance with uncertainty.  However, the River Yuan and Lishui flows slowly.

麋何食兮庭中？蛟何为兮水裔？

Why does the deer seek food in the courtyard?  Why do the dragon (jiaolong) trapped on the river bank?

T/N: 麋: This term actually refers to the deer, but it has been described as “antlers like a deer, tail of a donkey, hooves of a cow, face of a horse” in ancient times, so it’s sometimes regarded as the mythological creature 四不像 (Si Buxiang/Four not alike).  It has made an appearance in some anime, and in one particular danmei fandom’s discourse. LOL

The mythological version is supposed to look like this. XD

蛟: Jialong refers to the “scaled dragon” in chinese mythology. If you’ve been watching Till the End of the Moon, Mingye was a jialong whom cultivated and became an immortal.

朝驰余马兮江皋，夕济兮西澨。

When morning comes, I ride my horse and race down the river bank.  I cross over to the western bank at night. 

闻佳人兮召予，将腾驾兮偕逝。

I hear my lover summons me.   So I speed towards hastily and we head off together. 

筑室兮水中，葺之兮荷盖。

We build our house in the water, and cover our roof with lotus leaves.

荪壁兮紫坛，播芳椒兮成堂。

The walls are decorated with moss, and purple shells pave the floor.   The fragrant pepper and dirt we mould form the family’s prayer hall.

T/N: 芳椒 - This was a specific type of fragrant pepper.  This was mixed with mud and painted on the walls, as the ancient people enjoyed its aroma. The moss refers to this specifically!

桂栋兮兰橑，辛夷楣兮药房。

The wood of the Gui tree form the beams, the Magnolia forms the rafters.  The crossbeams of the door are made from wood of the Xinyi tree, the white ginseng flowers decorates the medicinal room.

T/N: 辛夷 - The Xinyi tree is also part of the magnolia family. There's clearly a theme going on!

The Gui tree's so pretty! And the white magnolias!

And the Xinyi tree

罔薜荔兮为帷，擗蕙櫋兮既张。

The climbing fig is woven into a curtains, and the partitions made of flowers have been drawn.

T/N: 薜荔: Baidu says it’s the climbing fig, but my physical book thinks it’s the another magnolia plant. And the 蕙 flower was known for its fragrance.

Baidu's interpretation!

And my book's interpretation XD

And look, the pretty 蕙 flower!

白玉兮为镇，疏石兰兮为芳。

The weights  are made of snowy white jade, the fragrance of orchards permeates the air.

T/N: The 镇 Weights were similar to paper weights, and were used to keep mats/clothes in their place. It originated from the Qin and Han Dynasty, whereby people used to keep the mat in place (to prevent it from moving around when they got up). Sometimes, it'll be in the shape of an animal, like a lion for example.

芳: Another interesting point; Baidu interprets this as fragrance, but the physical book thinks it means to block off the wind from the head of the bed. 芳 is sometimes interpreted as 防 (to block in some ancient text)

芷葺兮荷屋，缭之兮杜衡。

The lotus form the house, and the ginseng flowers form the roof.   It’s scent intermingles with that of the wild ginger

And this is how wild ginger looks like!

合百草兮实庭，建芳馨兮庑门。

We gather various kinds of flowers and plants to fill the courtyard, and we’ve build a fragrant porch.

九嶷缤兮并迎，灵之来兮如云。 (The line that's in SHL)

The numerous gods of the Mount Jiuyi have arrived, they arrive as plentiful as the clouds as they greet Lady Xiang. 

T/N: 九嶷: Jiuyi mountain was the legendary burial place of the legendary Emperor Shun.  It’s a mountain range in Hunan Province, located at the south of the river Xiang 湘水南.

捐余袂兮江中，遗余褋兮澧浦。

I throw my outer garment into the river.  And I throw my inner undergarment into the Lishui.

搴汀洲兮杜若，将以遗兮远者。

Arriving at the island’s river bank, I pluck the flowers as I eagerly await for my lover.

时不可兮骤得，聊逍遥兮容与。

Good times won’t return once it has passed.  I’ll travel leisurely as I wander freely.

#shl #shl meta #gu xiang #shan he ling

[kingdaddydaichi]

GARNETS & GOLD | d. sawamura x reader | fluff | wc: 900+

Taking a walk with Daichi through a temple garden after an early dinner… 

The sun was low on the western horizon when you stopped on a red-painted moon bridge to appreciate the koi and lotus flowers in the calm ripples of the water below. A contented smile graced your face as your boyfriend stood behind you and placed his hands on the scarlet guardrail, caging you between his arms. You swear he must know how safe he made you feel with him when, in actuality, he was just going through the motions that come naturally to him.

Nervous but determined to finally take his relationship with you to the next level, Daichi steeled his nerves. You’d been dating for several months and he thought - hoped - you were as happy with him as he was with you. He didn’t want to make it a big deal though. It wasn’t for show, nor was it contrived. His aim wasn’t to impress you - it was to be honest with you.

Two weeks ago, you’d mentioned to him that your apartment lease would be up soon and you’d been looking for one closer to his place, setting his heavy mind gears into motion. 

Now, as he stood with you beneath the autumn canopy of leaves in various stages of garnets and gold, he wondered if it was the right time to ask you. What if it was too soon, though? Would he seem too forward or presumptuous? Were you even ready to take your relationship to that level with him? Would living with him drive you crazy and make you realize you don’t want to be with him after all? What if-

“Daichi…”

He’d been so caught up in his thoughts when you said his name, he jolted. 

You giggled at him and brushed your thumb over his white knuckles. “What’s on your mind, baby?”

"Oh, it's uhh..." His gaze faltered for a moment as he chuckled anxiously before braving your eyes again. “…it’s nothing, darlin’.”

You raised a suspicious eyebrow at him. “I call bullshit. The only time you zone out like that is when something big is weighing on you.” He at once loved and hated the way you’d always been able to read him so well. You turned to face him completely, still pinned between his body and the railing.  “What is it, Dai?”

He closed his big, brown eyes and took a deep breath. He’d never lied to you and he wasn’t about to start now. He took your wrist and kissed the palm of your hand before looking down at you. “I was just thinking that…maybe since your lease is almost up…instead of finding a new place…”

You looked on expectantly as he mustered his courage. 

“…Look, I really enjoy having you around,” he huffed, shoulders slumping. “I miss you when we’re not together and…how do you feel about moving in with me?” He hazarded an inquisitive glance at you.

Your eyes went wide, heart stopping, feet melting away as the biggest smile spread across your face. “Daichi! Really?” 

He nodded, still nervous but smiling.

You squealed and threw your arms around his neck, kissing a different part of his face every time your lips landed on it. 

Wrapping his arms around you, he laughed and said, “I think that means ‘yes’?”

You laughed as he picked you up and held your legs against his waist. You grabbed both sides of his handsome face and said, “Yes! Yesyesyesyesyes! I would love that so much, baby! Are you sure-sure?”

“Positive, darlin’. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I know it’s what I want. I’m really happy with you and I want you in my life as much as possible.”

Your breath caught in your throat and your wide eyes filled with tears as his warm chocolate orbs searched them. Cupping his handsome face in your hands, you placed an unhurried, tender kiss on his lips. “Oh, Daichi, you’re so sweet to me it hurts sometimes, you know that?”

His face twisted with concern. “It hurts sometimes?”

You kissed him softly, letting your lips linger on his. “Yeah, and I want this kind of agony forever.” His features softened again, but his gaze remained intense. “Daichi, I-“ You bit your lip before continuing, fighting back your fear of vulnerability. No sense in hiding it anymore now that you were going to be sharing almost everything else. “I love you.”

He released a trapped breath, smiling as his forehead touched yours. “You do?” 

“Did you not know?” 

“I sensed it, but thought it might just be wishful thinking on my part.” 

You kissed him, soft and supple. His lips chased yours when you pulled back to tell him “Your intuition is sharp, y’know. You should trust your gut more often.” 

“I know,” he conceded, huffing with a small smile. “No one has taught me that more than you have.” His eyes softened and his lips parted. He brought a hand to your face before tucking a stray lock of your hair behind your ear. “God, y/n, I love you too.”

You’d both been in love for some time, and now that it was finally out in the open, you could each proclaim your mutual love for the other every morning, every night, and throughout every day. Every time he wins, every time he loses. When he’s happy, when he’s sad. While making dinner, while making love. When he leaves, when he comes home. You’d have him know you love him from beginning to end and everywhere between.

31 days of daichi | main daichi mlist | haikyuu mlist

taglist: @chaoskrakenuwu @yuujispinkhair @luvkun4 @briokayama @mrs-sawamura @heroesfan101 @lanaxians-2 @darthferbert @a-girl-cant-decide-on-a-name @cookiesandmilksx @strawberrystepmom @maexc @little-ms-awkward @samkysnks @anejuuuuoy @productivity-blogs @patheticliesblog ++ get added

#31 days of daichi #the 6th day of daichi #king dom daddy daichi 👑 #daichi #sawamura #daichi sawamura #daichi x reader #haikyuu daichi #hq daichi #sawamura daichi #daichi x you #daichi x y/n #sawamura daichi x you #sawamura daichi x y/n #sawamura daichi x reader #daichi sawamura x y/n #daichi sawamura x you #daichi sawamura x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #hq #hq!! #daichi fluff

[misdreavusmishap]

⚡️⚡️ RO-TO-TO! VIDEO INCOMING. ⚡️⚡️

A large crowd of Kricketot are gathered around the camera lens, seeming to panic and loudly chirp amongst each other. I don’t even remember starting this recording, so they must’ve done that by themselves by accident. Given the residue static around the video feed, I also must have fallen asleep.

“HEY, HEY!! WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? WHAT’S WRONG??”

I shake myself out of the crowd, flying upwards, looking around the ground a little, spinning around once or twice to fully check the surroundings. At eye level, most of everything seems fine right now.

“.. EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT. WHAT IS THERE TO-”

“... HEY, YOU GUYS SMELL BURNING?”

The Kricketot squinted towards me for a second, looking between each other and buzzing their legs back and forth via incomprehensible speech. A crash and a crackle seem to roar from behind, the Kricketot only panicking more at my complete dismissal of their concerns, scattering away while looking past me. This only makes the situation more confusing, before I turn back and properly look up at the trees.

They’re burning.

And fast.

The Kricketot who were once gathering around me now swarmed Derek, who was not-so-peacefully asleep, supposedly trapped amidst another nightmare. While the first time this happened was a mild inconvenience, this could actually cost lives. This is something I couldn’t just let him sleep through. I shot over, screaming at the Kricketot to back up and get as far from the blaze as possible.

“DEREK.”

I fully ran myself into his shoulder, even using my antenna to try to get him to wake from his nap.

“DEREK THIS IS NO TIME FOR BEAUTY REST. DEREK. DEREK I AM INCREASINGLY SERIOUS.”

The man grabs at his own shirt, murmuring “no..” to himself; not in a dismissive manner, but instead rather fearful. Oh, great!!! Wonderful. I fly around in circles, turning my volume all the way up, scrambling, yelling, SOMETHING. This is horrible. Terrible, even, and it’s only going to get worse if I can’t get him up to help. Behind me there are already odd Kricketot trapped underneath fallen tree limbs and leaves, a few of them attempting to use Round to fend the fire off from themselves. While this may work for a while, it surely won’t work forever.

I have to try again.

I float still for a moment, the video feed growing the darkest it has in comparison to other attempts. It even seems to break a little, small rips of static coating the edges of the screen, and yet, a blue-cyan ripple of plasma prevails the dithering. The water-type spider, waking in response to the sheer amount of static, skitters a short distance from the scene. The recording almost stops, lagging incredibly hard for a few moments, it holds a single frame for about five seconds, before..

SNAP!

“AAGHH..”

The man jolts awake, the deep blue in his veins glistening a painful cyan. He grips his wrists, wincing, doubled over in pain. I’m left in shock, no pun intended, for a while, but I likely need to act fast, and there’s no way he would do that by himself. I float down in front of him, tapping my foot on the grass.

“HEY GENIUS. WE GOT A BLAZE TO DEAL WITH. CHESTO BERRY, NOW. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.”

I pull out the Chesto berry from behind me, tossing it up in the air and kicking it towards his hands, of which he catches. He looks at me as if I’d just told him the sky is red, before turning to his left and finding that might as well be the case.

“Ohhhh… no, no no no NO NO”

He completely dismisses the berry offer, scrambling to stand up and snap one of his pokemon off from his belt, yet to realize that his Pokemon is already out of his ball behind him. The spider gives an unimpressed look to the camera, then turning to poke his owner with one of his legs. Derek jumps back, surprised, dropping the Net Ball to a terribly close patch of burning grass! I swoop down, picking up the ball, tossing it back to Derek as he readies himself to command his ace.

“Lotus- Lotus, Bubble Beam, quickly.”

The Araquanid stumbles, facing the flames with directed rage in its eyes. After a brief recoil, the Bubble Beam shoots violently, droplet after droplet splashing and making charred, circular clearings in the fire. The spider digs its tarsal claws further into the dirt, anchoring itself, as the pure force of the move seems to be sending this creature back due to the weak and thin structure of its legs. As well as this is working, the spider’s helmet is rapidly decreasing in size without a proper known water source nearby to replenish its water-type moves. Patch after patch, the fire is fizzled out, only to be filmed by heat immediately after. And, after not too long, the water helmet reduces to a singular bubble beneath the spider’s mouth. Lotus seems shocked, trying to continue attacking, though completely ineffective.

“AGH, NO!”

Derek reaches into his pockets.. only now realizing the only things he forgot to pack; ethers and elixirs!... how wonderful.

“Light.. Ghhhhghh…”

The man drops his head, burying his face in his hands briefly, before hazily snapping back up to command his partner.

“LOTUS. ICE BEAM.”

The spider looks back at him, completely confused, but after a short thought seems to shrug it off. Though, as soon as he prepares to fire, another person enters the clearing, both Derek and the camera turning to him in almost perfect sync. Derek must’ve jumped a foot in the air in response to the crunching of leaves underneath boot-covered footsteps.

It’s … I don’t know who this is. A man with blue hair. Who is this guy???

⚡️⚡️ RO-TO-TO! VIDEO END. ⚡️⚡️

ooc bonus feature! this video features Thomas from @prettyskitty973! :3

#tikposting #humming a kricketune #pkmn irl #mid stakes pokereality #mid stakes pokeblogging #pokemon irl #pokemon #tik's video logs

[sanrielle]

To any of my readers who might be interested:

I know I haven't posted anything lately, but I've been working on a character study for an OC (Korra's daughter) that plays a significant role in my post-Lok fic. You don't need to know anything about that story to enjoy this sweet mother-daughter scene!

Setting: Sixteen-year-old Kiriko has decided to meditate in her backyard in preparation for her firebending mastery test. Korra joins her after a few minutes.

Rating: General

They sat facing each other in a lotus position, eyes closed, for several silent minutes. It was just like the other hundreds of times Kiriko meditated with her mom, except totally different at the same time.

For once, the sounds of birds didn’t distract her. There were no random itches to pull her focus. There was just…breath. The air around her was hot. Sweat dripped down the back of her neck and it only barely flitted across her awareness. 

A clear sky overhead seemed to open up and swallow her whole. The sun at its zenith—so bright, even through closed eyes. Breathe. In and out. An endless cycle, a solar storm. And she sat with Korra in the center of it.

Kiriko let her eyes drift open. Her mother’s face was as tranquil as she could ever remember seeing it. But where had those lines around her eyes and mouth come from? When had that happened?

“Mom.”

“Mm?”

“Will you take me into the Spirit world?”

Korra finally opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times. “Really?”

“I’m ready to try again. I think– I think I can do it this time.”

She’d been through the portal a few times, of course. It was right there in the city—a highly regulated tourist attraction. Korra had never wanted to take them too deeply in, so it hadn’t been as exciting as it could’ve been.

Anisa had meditated in loads of times, with Korra guiding her, but every time Kiriko had attempted it, she’d failed miserably—to the point where the mere suggestion of trying would piss her off.

In answer, Korra held out her hands, which Kiriko took. There was no need for words; they’d done this many times. Calluses gripped calluses. The summer heat seemed to ripple between them on a breath of wind as she closed her eyes and tried to find her earlier tranquility.

It came more easily than expected. All she had to do was focus on those hands. The hands that had carried her, held her, fed her. Picked her up when she fell. Wiped her tears away. Hands that had fought off countless enemies to make the world a better place. Hands that were as gentle as they were strong.

She was falling, but slowly. 

“Open your eyes, Kiriko.”

They fluttered open with a soft gasp. “I did it…” She looked around and swallowed hard. The grass they sat on was a vibrant green—a vast meadow with rolling hills and a distant forest. The sky was a burnt orange, like sunset but far too bright, and a flock of rainbow-colored birds with huge wings flew overhead. “Well, I guess technically, you did it.”

“It wasn’t just me. I can’t force someone into the Spirit world, only guide.”

Though she already knew exactly what would happen, Kiriko stood up and tried to summon her chi. “This feels…weird. It’s like I’m empty.”

“Yeah, that feeling doesn’t go away.”

“I feel so vulnerable.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t let anything bad happen.”

The confident smile she flashed made all of Kiriko’s concerns evaporate in an instant.

“I’m not afraid. Not with you here.”

“C’mon. Let’s take a walk.”

They strolled through the grassy meadow, hand-in-hand. Kiriko looked around in wonder. Everything felt so big, So open and colorful and just…endless, and she was so small.

“Where are we? It’s different than when we went through the portal.”

“This is a secret place. A hidden place.” Her large hand gave Kiriko’s much smaller one a squeeze. “I found it years ago, before you were born.”

Kiriko peeled her eyes away from the bizarre sight of what looked like a tree slowly roaming across the open space. She craned her neck to look up at Korra, who no longer had lines around her eyes. It was a vision out of the deep past, back to Kiriko’s earliest memories.

They stopped walking and Korra crouched down to be at her eye level. She took Kiriko’s head in her hands and pressed their foreheads together. 

“If, one day, you can’t find me,” she whispered, “look for me here.”

“Don’t cry, Mommy,” Kiriko said when she noticed the tears, though her own eyes were welling up. “You won’t get lost.”

They separated and Korra’s hands fell to her shoulders. There was now a strange, distant look in her eyes. Her attention was elsewhere. “Time to go, Fireheart.”

“Go where?”

But the question didn’t need to be answered. A thick fog rushed in and swirled around them. Kiriko squeezed her eyes shut, scared for just a moment, and opened them again to find herself back in her body. She was tall and strong once again, no longer the child she had temporarily become. Chi flowed through her veins and chased away a lingering sense of loss. What had they been talking about? Like a dream, it kept slipping out of her grasp.

Asami was crouched next to Korra with a hand on her shoulder, but it was Kiriko she spoke to with a fond smile. “It’s almost time to go. Are you ready?”

#lok #legend of korra #lok fanfic #korra #korrasami family #questions? comments? speculations? #let me know!

[whirling-fangs]

[ comfort / argue] - inosuke finds out about douma's hand in kotoha's death. naraku tries to defuse/comfort.

𝑵𝑶𝑵-𝑽𝑬𝑹𝑩𝑨𝑳 𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑺𝑻 𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑴𝑷𝑻𝑺. // accepting!!!!!

ft. @cryopathiic ♥

Inosuke could feel the blood pumping at his temples. A relentless beat, the only sound his eardrums could still pick up above the white noise that filled his brain.

Time itself seemed to have crawled to a start. Each sensation rippled tenfold across Inosuke's skin, the itch of the tag at the back of his shirt, the touch of his own hair brushing against the skin of his neck as his shoulders heaved up, down, with each heavy breath he took. The flow of air from his nostrils to his lungs, a storm raging inside his chest.

Fingers curled into fists, unkempt nails digging into the skin of his palms. He didn't even realize that he was biting into his own lip until the metallic taste of blood flooded his tongue.

"You knew. You fucking knew everything from the start. Right?!"

Bile mixed with blood across his tastebuds. His body seemed to be consuming itself under the rage that welled up in his chest. The steam built up, and up, reaching dangerous levels.

A vein popped across the teen's forehead, poking through the dark bangs that fell before his eyes. They clouded his vision more than usual as he slouched, curling up around himself like a spring being rewound, until the second it would break loose again.

"You knew... and you did nothing. That bastard killed my mom... and nobody made him pay for it! He should be a corpse rotting out in the wild, but he's still there!"

The boy's bare feet shuffled across the ground, like a bull's hooves would scratch the earth before it charged. His entire body had become a single muscle, seized up to the limit.

He refused to let the memories keep coming. Ever since he had caught sight of that pendant around the bastard's neck, ever since the first flashes had come to assault his mind again... he hadn't been able to close his eyes. The moment he relaxed, they would come to him again. Those wide emerald eyes filled with tears, blood spilling from those painted lips, slender hands reaching out to him as he fell, and fell, and fell...

And he stood there. Prismatic eyes, and that same lotus-shaped pendant hanging from his neck. How often Inosuke's little hands must have reached for it, intrigued by the item's shine.

"I'm gonna KILL him. I'm gonna gnaw his face off and crush his eyeballs with my bare hands! I'm gonna make him pay a thousand times, and you can't stop me!"

There was no exchange of words. Inosuke barely motioned towards the door that Naraku had already come to stand between the boy and his target. An impassable wall.

A bodyguard.

If Inosuke wanted to take Douma's life, he would have to take Naraku's first. And at this very instant, the thought didn't seem so ludicrous.

There was a roar, and Inosuke lost track of his own motions. Something else took control, a force that had festered inside his chest until it became so large, so wild that no amount of humanity could keep it in. He lunged at Naraku with all the force in his body, the spring unwounding, muscles exploding with all the brutality that ten years spent in the wild had allowed him to build up.

He punched. He slapped. He clawed. Every inch of skin that he could reach would feel the fury of his wounded soul, tears streaming down his face, clouding his vision in the same blur that shrouded his mind. He couldn't see, he couldn't hear. His body had grown numb from all the yelling, all the hitting.

Inosuke could not feel a thing anymore.

Perhaps it was for the best.

#arrachnes #priv modern verse tbt #mentions: #cryopathiic #[[hahahah HAHAHAHA :) :) :) i'm okay i'm fine (crying sobbing rolling on the floor) ]]

[lphoenixspiritl]

Starting Over ... Sort Of - Chapter 1

Part 5 of the 'The Spaces Between'

Katara spotted him on one of the sunbathed corners of the courtyard that overlooked the canyon. With his back to her, he sat silently in lotus, hands resting lightly on his knees, stripped from the waist up. His tunic and sash were a pair of neatly folded squares placed to his right.

A wooden box sat on his left and before him was an arc of eight lit candles. She had seen him shirtless before but not long enough to 'see' him. The warm ivory of his back was smooth only interrupted here and there with the occasional scar, some from minor burns others, thin lines drawn on by something sharp but none as serious as the one he wore over his left eye.

He was too close to the unprotected edge for her comfort, especially with him being here alone. Katara wanted to tell him as much but she was rooted to the spot. The flames before him seemed to breathe, shrinking and growing in time with his breath, it was hypnotizing to watch.

"I know you're there," Zuko called out to her.

Katara nearly jumped out of her skin.

"You're not as sneaky as you think you are," he said not bothering to turn around.

She quickly forgot her concern for his safety. The thought of blasting him the mere inches it would take to shove him off the stone ledge and send him tumbling to his doom had become more tempting than she cared to admit.

"I wasn't trying to be sneaky."

"Are you sure? You were standing in that doorway for a long time." Zuko doused the candles with a wave and finally turned to look at her.

Katara's cheeks flushed and her anger flared, "What are you doing here?" she demanded.

"Meditating."

"Out here, alone?" the one word was laced with suspicion.  

Keeping one eye on him she walked to the middle of the courtyard. Reaching into her tunic she produced a pair of spark rocks from a pocket and knelt before the firepit.    

"I didn't think anyone else would be awake. Meditation should be done in quiet places." Zuko shrugged trying to be civil, he had turned back to the candles before him and was packing them into the wooden box.

"Funny, Aang never seems to have a problem meditating when we're around. Maybe you aren't as good at it as you think you are."

"He's the Avatar, I hope he's better than me. He won't be able to defeat my father if he isn't."

Did he scorch his brain when he burned his face?  

She shook her head, "How long have you been out here?"

"Since sunrise."

She looked at him with mild surprise.

"I meant it when I told you we rise with the sun." he closed the cedar box and stood, picking up his tunic and shrugging it on.

She watched the muscles in his back and shoulders ripple as he moved. They attested to years of training in more than just firebending. Surprising for someone who was only sixteen. It proved that he worked as hard if not harder than the rest of them. His kind of persistence required discipline, something Aang sorely needed. She hated to admit it, but he might be the right teacher for the young Avatar. 

Too bad she didn't trust him as far as she could throw him.

Ignoring him as he moved around the courtyard Katara pulled the dew from the kindling Sokka had left her the night before and used the spark rocks to try and get an ember going.

"I can do that for you." he offered.

"I don't need help from the likes of you." she spat back, her words harsh and cutting.

Zuko's anger and frustration sparked and threatened to boil over. He was just trying to help. Did she hate him so much that she wouldn't even allow him to help? How could he prove that he was good if they won't let him even be of some kind of assistance? 

He needed to calm down. Blowing up at her of all people would just make things worse. Clenching his fists, he squeezed his eyes shut and did what Iroh taught him when his anger threatened to overcome him. Breathe in for four, hold for four, and then release.

"Ok, suit yourself," he said trying to keep his voice as even as possible.

Katara ignored him as he walked past still striking the spark rocks against each other. He headed into the large hall that led to the dormitories intent on washing up and going through a few forms before starting on his first day of training Aang.  

"Zuko."

Hearing her call his name made his heart stutter. Half of him held out hope for change, the other dreaded what came next. Zuko stopped and turn around but she kept her back to him as a thick curl of white smoke rose above her head.

She took a flat matter-of-fact tone that unnervingly reminded him of Mai, he hated it.

"There's a jug of water for you in the bath. Breakfast will be ready in an hour and don't sit so close to the edge when you're out here alone. You can plummet to your death after you've taught Aang how to firebend."

Read more here.

#zuko x katara #zutara #katara #zuko #katara x zuko #zutara fanfiction #fanfiction #atla katara #atla zuko #The western air temple

[pocket-luv101]

Afternoon Naps and Dreams

Fandom: Genshin Impact Ship: CynoNari

Summary: After the people of Sumeru regain their ability to dream, Tighnari has a dream about Cyno. (3.2 Update Spoilers)

Tighnari dipped his feet into the shallow pond and the cool water felt refreshing against the desert heat. Ripples formed around him and the water flowed against nature. Instead of moving away from him, they flowed towards him instead and carried flowers to him. He picked up one of the lotuses. It was impossible for a Nilotpala Lotus to be in the desert but it felt right at that moment.

“Why are they called Kalpalata Lotuses when they’re a different species and grow on cliffs?” With the question, the flower in his hand changed. Tighnari turned towards the voice and he found Cyno behind him. Cyno wore a scholar’s robe even though they had graduated from the Akademiya. They were no longer in the pond and their surroundings had changed to the cliffs of the desert. He sat on the ledge with his feet dangling over the edge.

“It’s due to their shape being similar.” Tighnari could easily ramble for hours about plants but his words trailed off in that moment. Something felt surreal about the scenario. Aside from the flowers, they were in the desert yet the heat didn’t affect him as it usually would. “Cyno, do you feel like something is strange too? These flowers only grow in the rainforest.”

“You were excited when I invited you to an expedition to the desert.” Cyno sat next to him. He lifted his finger and a dendro crystalfly perched itself on his fingertip. The butterfly’s wings were large and made from flower petals rather than leaves. “You wanted to find a place where you can examine plants from both the rainforest and desert. Wouldn’t this be a dream come true for you?”

“Yes, it would be. That is what’s bothering me, Cyno. For my final thesis, you suggested we go on an expedition together to the desert but I had to say no. This didn’t happen.” Tighnari didn’t understand why Cyno could be so lax in their situation. “What if this is an illusion or trick designed to trap us?”

“Then, I’m glad that we’re here together. No one can defeat you. I doubt it’ll come to that since this place doesn’t feel malicious. You don’t need to be so tense. Let’s enjoy our time together. We don’t get to be alone like this often. I missed you.” Cyno teased his fingers over his tall ears. “You told me that I need to relax but you’re the serious one. How about I tell you a joke? I like it when you smile.”

His hand traced a trail down his cheek and then cupped his face. Cyno leaned down towards him slowly. Tighnari blushed and turned away from him. “You’re talking differently, Cyno. The Cyno that I know isn’t so direct and suave. Where are your dry jokes and awkward seriousness?”

“Tighnari.” He whispered his name against his lips.

“Tighnari!” The voice woke Tighnari with a start and he almost fell off the tree branch he slept on. He instinctively summoned vines with his dendro vision to keep himself from falling. At the same time, someone placed their hand on the tree next to his head. His mind was still foggy from sleep yet he didn’t feel scared caged in their arms. He opened his eyes and found Cyno in front of him. “You shouldn’t be sleeping in a tree. It’s dangerous.”

“It was just a dream.” Tighnari muttered to himself and rubbed his tired eyes. The dream was already fading from his mind but he could still picture Cyno’s red eyes clearly. Due to the Akasha, the adults of Sumeru couldn’t dream. They only regained the ability recently when Nahida shut down the Akasha system. The dream he had was different from the ones from his childhood.

“What’s with that serious face?” Cyno asked and gently tapped the furrows on Tighnari’s forehead. Then, he stood and held out his hand to help him to his feet as well. “How about I tell you a joke?”

I like it when you smile. The words from his dream echoed in his mind. His cheek felt hotter and he couldn’t meet Cyno’s eyes without remembering his dream. Despite that, Tighnari placed his hand in his palm and Cyno lifted him effortlessly. The branch swayed slightly as he stood and Tighnari unconsciously held onto his hand tighter.

“Please, don’t tell another joke. Your last joke confused my Master so much that it took two pages to explain it to him. I had to reassure him that you chose the phrase ‘full might’ to reference roses and you don’t want to intimidate anyone.” Tighnari sighed and crossed his arms. While he lectured him, Cyno had a small smile. People rarely understood his joke but Tighnari did, even if he didn’t laugh. “To what do I owe a visit from the General Mahamatra? I hope I’m not under arrest.”

“After my investigation, I have concluded that you’re not a threat.” Cyno said. Though his voice was flat, Tighnari could hear that it was a joke and it made him chuckle. They met due to his investigation but they became friends. He usually kept his distance from people but Tighnari was different from other scholars he knew. “I am here as the General Mahamatra though. I have to make a report about the sages’ self-exile in the forest. Have they caused you any problems?”

“They’re more of a headache than anything.” Tighnari said. He jumped to the ground and began walking back to Gandharva Ville. Cyno followed him and they walked side by side. “I’ve dealt with arrogant scholars for years and the sages are no different from them. The Forest Rangers have been busier since they’ve arrived but we’re managing. As long as they learn to value life and knowledge as one, the hassle will be worth it.”

“You’re the best teacher for the job. Nahida wanted to show them mercy but having someone so strict as a teacher can be their punishment.” Cyno couldn’t name someone he trusted more than Tighnari. However, he worried that he was pushing himself too much. There were bags under his eyes and he found him sleeping in a tree. “Have you thought of what you want to do after things calm down? Aether told me of his adventure in the desert. He discovered an oasis you’ll like.”

Tighnari’s steps slowed to a stop and he bit his lip. There was a hint of longing in his eyes and Cyno instinctively reached out to him. To his confusion, his touch caused Tighnari to jump slightly. His movements were sharp, as if he had been abruptly woken from a dream. “You know I can’t go to the desert. Even if my fur wasn’t so dark, we’re both too busy with our job to go on an adventure.”

Tighnari didn’t know whether his words were meant to answer Cyno or be a reminder to himself. His dream of collecting flowers in the desert with Cyno could only be that: a wistful dream.

“Goodnight, Collei. Sweet dreams, Nahida.” Tighnari whispered to Collei and Nahida and he lit an incense to help them have a pleasant sleep. Nahida joined Cyno on his visit to the rainforest because she wanted to see the progress of his research. They didn’t have many spare rooms so she stayed with Collei. He was glad to see them becoming close friends. “If you need me or Cyno, our tent next door.”

“I’m surprised that you used the phrase ‘sweet dreams’, Tighnari. I found that most people don’t because they lost their ability to dream. To have your imagination flow freely and unrestrained in your dreams is a wonderful experience and I’m glad my people can do so once again.” Nahida said. “What did you dream of last night?”

“I don’t remember what I dreamt of. Most people forget their dream a few hours after waking.” Tighnari felt himself blush. The dream had mostly faded from his memory but he still remembered the scene on the cliff. He couldn’t explain his dream to a child. “Tomorrow morning, I’ll try to remember my dream and tell you about it. It’s time for bed. Even gods need their rest.”

He tucked the blanket around them and ended the conversation. Tighnari walked out of their hut and crossed the short distance to his own home. He could see light through the window and reasoned that Cyno was still awake. They would usually spend hours speaking late into the night but Tighnari found himself nervous for the first time.

He entered his tent and found Cyno sitting on his bed with his Genius Invokation deck. He looked up from his cards when he heard the door open. Cyno gathered his cards and asked, “Do you want to play a few rounds with me before we go to sleep? It has been a while since we could sit down and talk. How has Collei been since her Eleazar has been cured?”

“I’m tired so I want to sleep early tonight.” Tighnari said and closed the door behind him. While Cyno cleaned his cards, Tighnari changed into a long night shirt. He yawned quietly and then laid down on the bed. They knew each other for years and he was comfortable changing in front of him and sharing a bed. However, there was a small flutter in his stomach when he turned onto his side and faced Cyno. “Collei has been great these days. She might be too eager and I’m worried about her pushing herself.”

“You’re as much of a worrier as you’re a warrior.” He said with a deep chuckle and Tighnari rolled his eyes at his pun. Cyno gently brushed his black hair from his eyes. “We don’t need to worry about Collei since you raised her well. I was right to leave her with you. I don’t know how you were able to take care of her and balance your work.”

“Nahida looks happy and Collei admires you. You’re doing better as their mentor than you think.” Tighnari said and Cyno wondered if he could read his mind to know his worry. The Akademiya had been struggling to reorganize after they removed the sages from power. Cyno did his best to help Nahida but his job as General Mahamatra would often have him leave the Akademiya.

Cyno missed being able to lay next to Tighnari and simply talked to him. He was certain that they could be discussing mundane books and he would still have fun. He scratched Tighnari’s ear and he leaned into his touch. For a moment, he thought he heard Tighnari hum contently. Tighnari whispered: “Nahida asked me what I dreamt of last night. What about you?”

“I won a Genius Invokation tournament.” He told him. Tighnari thought the dream was fitting for Cyno but he was slightly disappointed.

“Of course,” He pulled the blanket to his chin and closed his eyes to fall asleep. Cyno continued to stroke his hair and he began to drift off to sleep. Tighnari wanted to stay awake a little longer because the Cyno before him was better than any dream of him.

Cyno listened to his even breathing until he thought that he was sleeping deeply. He added: “After I won, I went home to our teapot and showed you the trophy. Deep in the quiet forest, I can say goodnight to you like this every night. Sweet dreams, Tighnari.”

#genshin impact #cynonari #cyno and tighnari #genshin impact cyno #genshin impact tighnari #fanfiction

[frostfeather13]

“Let’s Go On a Picnic!”

It was a beautiful day in the Lotus Paradise, It was a clear sky after a few days of light rain and the hydrangeas were blooming and all around cookies were enjoying themselves. One cookie in particular was wearing a pink dress reminiscent of a cherry blossom and was holding a pink parasol. Her name was Cherry Blossom. She was looking for the perfect picnic spot for her little sister, Cherry, her cousin, Cherry Ball, and herself. Lotus Paradise seemed like the perfect place for it. The way the lotuses ripples across the teal-blue water of the lake bound paradise and the wonderful, flourishing gardens. 

The pink hydrangeas were especially appealing. There was cookie kneeling and watching the hydrangeas happily. She had many rolls of bronze scrolls beside her. There was also a little frog taking a nap beside the cookie. She was wearing a green dress that went all the way down to her feet. Along with a blue robe with the sleeves fading into a purple color. Her hair looked like actual purple and blue hydrangeas. Cherry Blossom decided to ask the flower watching cookie where to find the perfect picnic spot.

“Hello!”

Cherry Blossom said walking up to the cookie. The cookie took a bit to look at Cherry Blossom, either getting distracted by the hydrangeas or in her own thoughts. The first thing Cherry Blossom noticed was the cookies purple eyes

“Oh, hello. Are you here to watch the flowers as well?”

The cookie slid down to give Cherry Blossom some room in case she wanted to sit and enjoy the flowers too. 

“No, afraid not. Although” She paused to sit down beside the other cookie “these flowers you tend to are beautiful.”

Hydrangea looked at the pink wearing cookie and explained

“Oh no! I don’t tend to the gardens, but thank you for the compliments.”

“I’m Cherry Blossom, and you are?” Cherry Blossom introduced

“My name is Hydrangea. What brings you to the Lotus Paradise?”

“Do you know of any good picnic spots around here? Preferably one where my guests can set off fireworks.”

“Why would you need to set off fireworks?”

“Well, picnics are always better with fireworks.”

Hydrangea paused, and focused on the hydrangeas in front of the two cookies. Cherry Blossom noticed that she was avoiding eye contact, she was confused by the avoidance but didn’t mind.

“We are having a Wish Festival in two weeks. If you have a picnic then, you’ll be able to watch the fireworks.”

“That’s sounds wonderful! My little sister would love that! And she could make all the fireworks she wants!”

Hydrangea smiled wider than she was before

“If you want, I could show you around here. I know all the best places to watch the fireworks.”

Cherry Blossom was ecstatic and then she saw the pile of scrolls beside the other cookie.

“What are those?” Cherry Blossom questioned as she pointed to the bronze scrolls beside the other cookie.

Hydrangea sighed and her smile shrunk a bit

“That’s paperwork… and taxes.”

“Oh, I don’t want to hold you back from your work.”

“We have plenty of time.” Hydrangea said and begun to stand up She looked down at Cherry Blossom and reached out to her. 

Cherry Blossom would normally take the other cookie’s hand without hesitation, but she couldn’t see where the cookie’s arm stopped and the long, flowing sleeve started. Cherry Blossom made a judgment call and got up with out the help of Hydrangea. Without a word Hydrangea picked up her bronze scrolls and 

The two floral cookies walked around the Lotus Paradise with the taller of the two stopping to tell Cherry Blossom about the places and the flowers. Especially the hydrangeas. All throughout the walk Hydrangea was getting sidetracked by the flower and was telling Cherry Blossom facts about the hydrangeas. The pink cookie was nodding along and enjoying the conversation. 

It was nice. The weather was beautiful and the cookies were friendly. Their last stop was at an area in the gardens filled with pink and white hydrangeas. There was a teal bridge that went over a river with clear teal water. So clear Cherry Blossom could swear she saw some tadpoles swimming freely under the lotus bearing lilypads.

“The soil here has a lot of alkaline. Which makes the hydrangeas pink. If the soil is more acidic then the hydrangeas would be blue.” Hydrangea informed Cherry Blossom as they walked across the bridge. The bridge lead up to a gazebo like structure. The roof’s green and yellow top was slanted down and there were vines crawling up the white poles connecting to the roof.

Once they were at the top Hydrangea pointed to the Lotus Palace “Over there, is where the fireworks will be set off. Here is the perfect place to watch them.” 

“Thank you so much!” Cherry Blossom said 

She could almost picture the joy on Cherry’s face when she sees the fireworks and makes her own!

“You should come here again, I’d love to show you more than good picnic spots here in Hortensia Town.” Hydrangea said looking Cherry Blossom in her eyes, Cherry Blossom could swear she could see purple and blue alternate in the taller cookie’s eyes. It was beautiful. Cherry Blossom realized they have been staring into Hydrangea’s eyes for more than six seconds and quickly promised 

“I will. Have a great day, Hydrangea!”

“You too, Cherry Blossom.” Hydrangea said with a slight bow.

The two cookies went their separate ways. Cherry Blossom to the home in Wholesome Herbiville her and her family was staying at. And Hydrangea reluctantly going back to doing her duties in service of the great dragon.

#hydrangea cookie #cookie run ovenbreak #cookie run #hydrangea cookie supremacy #cherry blossom cookie #first fanfic #Cherry blossom x hydrangea