#lost a part to a freshman' (he's the kind of person you just have to full name otherwise it sounds wrong). that said i do think he made a | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wooahaes · 25 days

Text

feel me

pairing: non-idol!han x gn!reader, some non-idol!felix x gn!reader

genre: angst with a happy ending. slight fluff.

word count: ~21k

warnings: angst with a happy ending. mutual pining that’s fully believed to only be one-sided by both parties. temporary relationship with felix. heartbreak. no communication at one part after jisung ghosts reader for almost three weeks. big brother-figure chris having serious talks with reader. fluff in certain parts, though. food mentions. hyunjin is kinda ready to throw down at one point tbh.

daisy’s notes: title origin from the golden child song bc the lyrics kinda fit haha <3 anyway rewrite of this old thing!! also sorry felix but if u get the sequel fic i'm thinkin of... u will be happy <3

Most people looked at the friendship you had with Chris and assumed that he was your best friend. The two of you had grown up down the road from one another, after all, and that had been why you ended up befriending one another. His family all knew you by name and knew all of your favorites (because Chris had learned them first and made sure everyone knew them), and they all watched you follow Chris around like a duckling when you were small. Pictures of the two of you littered the walls of both your childhood home and his, all from vacations your families had taken together. Plus your parents always made enough food for Chris on any given day, since he always found his way over for dinner at the most random times. If anything, Chris was family to you now, the big brother you never had (and, occasionally when he was being a little overly affectionate, he was your big bother). Before college, Chris Bang was one-hundred-percent your best friend…

Until you met Han Jisung on the first day of freshman orientation.

Sure, the reason you came to this school was partially because you knew you’d have a friend in the area (you liked the literature program a lot more), but things changed the day you met Jisung. The two of you had been a little wary of the other people in your group, all bragging about how they wouldn’t let anyone stop them from the party life they were craving. On one hand, you kind of admired the tenacity that took… but on the other, they were the rowdy bunch out of all the groups that were around. Even though you weren’t much of a party person, your annoyance at the time firmly came from the fact you were sinking so much money into this school—even without the financial aid and scholarships you’d managed to get. Partying was fun, but denying everything in favor of it? You couldn’t wrap your head around it.

And, apparently, neither could Jisung. He’d been separated from his friends, all in the same orientation group without him, and looked a little lost. You quietly moved your chair over to him after you grew annoyed with two people hardcore flirting with one another and ignoring the poor orientation leader who was just trying to tell you all about the general education program. He’d looked up at you, and you introduced yourself to him quietly—trying not to catch the attention of your orientation leader. She was too busy waiting for the novelty of it all to die down for a minute so she could do her job, so… Why not take the chance to introduce yourself to him?

He’d gazed at you for a moment behind his glasses, pushing them up the bridge of his nose a moment later. “Han,” he’d said in a quiet voice. Then he cleared his throat, speaking a little louder, “I’m Han Jisung. Music management and music composition major.”

Already, you were impressed by him. Chris was in the music program himself, and you’d heard about how rigorous it could be at times—especially with the heavy course load that came from both programs. Chris had gone into it because he was… Well, he was Chris. Chris who was on the swim team and in the theater and the band and somehow found time to do community service, too. Jisung was a stranger to you in all the best ways, someone who already intrigued you. When you told him your own major, he had nodded along, no push to question your future career.

“Is that what you like?” He’d asked instead. “Books?”

It was one part of what you liked, at least. You nodded. “Do you love music?”

He’d smiled at you, and it was as if he’d become a different person for a moment. “It’s my passion,” he’d said, voice clear and bolder than before.

That had been what the two of you ended up talking about until your orientation leader managed to get control of the group again. She’d finally been given the go-ahead to give you a tour of campus, and you noticed that Jisung had decided to stick with you near the back of the group. He never said anything then, the two of you opting to listen to your leader instead, but you saw the tiny smile on his face when you were walking through the music floor of the arts building. Once you were released from your schedule for the day, he’d kept glancing at you, as if unsure of what he was about to do. Then he finally stepped up, holding up his phone.

“My friends and I are getting coffee off campus,” he said. “Do you want to come?”

That had been the moment that solidified the two of you as friends. You had happily agreed, exchanging numbers on the way as he told you about his friends. There was Felix, who he said was a sweetheart. Everyone loved Felix, and you’d eventually realize in time just how true that was. Hyunjin could be charismatic, although sometimes he could be a little sharp-tongued with people. Apparently, he and Jisung once hated each other before getting over their school rivalry—you’d never understand it, but everyone swore by it. And then there was Seungmin, who was witty and funny in all the best ways. The group seemed to accept you into their circle pretty quickly, and you honestly contributed that to Jisung…

Who you very quickly learned was incredibly funny in his own right. With the orientation group and with you alone, he’d been quieter. Polite and sweet as he could be. Yet you saw the way he loosened up over time when with his friends, genuinely funny and a bit louder with them. Maybe that was why you would end up clicking with him so well: he was versatile, conscious of the mood and finding a way to fit it well. You saw the way he seemed to naturally return to a quieter state when on his own, and you were happy to match that energy any day.

When you returned to your dorm that day, Chris had been waiting for you. He’d watched you part ways with your new friends and decided to celebrate by squeezing the life out of you.

“You’re making friends!” He giggled, and it suddenly reminded you of the loving way your step-mom always treated you. He swayed with you, never letting you go. “You’re growing up!”

This was definitely something he was reporting to your parents. Not that you cared: his family asked for you to look out for him, too, and you fully intended to follow through on the request. He’d already been giddy when you showed him your acceptance letter and announced you’d picked the school (he’d nearly squeezed the life out of you that day, too), gushing about how he’d have to introduce you to Minho and Changbin. That was why he’d been waiting for you that day, actually: the four of you were getting dinner together, Chris’s treat. The two of you had decided to call off any embarrassing stories (both of you had plenty of ammunition, the same way that both of his siblings had even more on you both), and you’d spent that dinner realizing just how much love you had for Chris.

That was why you had agreed to live with him come sophomore year. Regardless of whether he was being a brother figure or a bother figure, you’d agreed quickly when he gave you his clearly premeditated offer of taking the open room in his apartment. His old roommate had just moved out, and Chris apparently told him he “already had someone interested” when he brought the topic up to begin with. So he helped you carry your boxes into the apartment and the two of you enjoyed your takeout that night, giddy to be close once again. He’d invited Minho and Changbin over that night, too, to toast to your first day of living with Chris. It was at that point that you decided to introduce Jisung to them, inviting him over, too.

Things came together from there. Minho recognized Jisung from a photo that Felix had shown him while he (and Hyunjin) were sitting around before dance practice started. Seungmin ended up getting pulled into the group through association with the rest of you, and it was you and Seungmin who pulled Jeongin into this circle. He’d been in your general education classes, and he seemed to get along pretty well with Seungmin. Seungmin introduced you to Jeongin, and you introduced Jeongin to the group, and everyone seemed to fit together in this sweet way. Even with all of you having friends of your own, you always seemed to come back to one another when times were rough.

By some stroke of luck, Hyunjin and Seungmin ended up moving in a few doors down from you and Chris. Despite Seungmin’s very vocal complaints (always made with love… you were pretty sure, at least), both of them seemed glad to have familiar faces nearby. The two always seemed to drop in when Chris was making dinner, always telling some story about their own lives. You realized that your stories almost always had Jisung and Felix in them after Seungmin pointed it out to you one night.

When did you start spending so much time with Felix? Jisung was naturally there because he was your best friend (officially now: the two of you had matching beaded bracelets you’d made for one another just to rub it in). But Felix…

Chris had picked up on how quiet you’d grown that night. But he waited to bring the topic up until one Saturday when the two of you were alone. He’d passed you the bowl of popcorn he’d made once before throwing himself onto the other end of the couch. “So. You and Felix...”

You rolled your eyes. Your love life had always been pretty off-limits as a topic to anyone but Chris, and he was fully going to take advantage of that, wasn’t he? He’d given you a few much-needed days to figure out how you felt, and they were… Well, far from platonic. Felix was sweet as he could be, and you’d become so, so endeared to him when he started showing up to your apartment with baked goods. Everyone loved Felix, and you weren’t sure when your love for Felix became more than what it was before. Long before senior year, that was certain: every time you tried to pinpoint a beginning, you found yourself moving it further and further back to something else he’d done.

“I’m just curious!” Chris chuckled. “You always deny feeling anything for Jisung—I should have known it was Felix the entire time!”

Despite having the urge to, you didn’t roll your eyes that time. Your feelings for Jisung weren’t important. Not when he was your best friend, and having them would jeopardize that. Han Jisung did not love you the way you’d begun to love him, and you were more than happy to ignore that crush. It’d go away eventually once you stopped fantasizing about what a relationship with him would look like. And if it didn’t… Well, you’d figure that out when you came to it.

“You should go for it,” Chris said, shifting so he was slightly closer to you. “Felix is a good kid! He’s nothing like the last guy you dated—”

Oh, not this shit again. There was a reason you hadn’t dated in a while, and Chris was too aware of it. He’d been ready to get into a fist fight and call your friends as back-up. “Christopher—”

He ignored the use of your birth name, “I mean it. That guy was gross, and you deserve better than someone who thinks you should move in with them after a few weeks because living with a guy you aren’t dating is ‘weird.’”

That had only been part of the reason you dumped the guy. You’d never told Chris any other parts because you knew what he’d say. Your ex hated Jisung because of how close the two of you were, and you weren’t going to date some insecure loser who thought he could control who you hung out with. He’d always been “fine” with the rest of your friends (begrudgingly so), but he’d targeted Jisung for some reason. Jisung was always too close to you, or he was too soft when around other people, or he was “obviously” in love with you and you were too blind to see it. If you’d let him take Jisung out of your life, you knew he’d eventually move on to someone else. It’d be Jeongin, and then Felix, and then Hyunjin… It had taken a while for you to realize it and accept it, but it was just a gateway for him to control you and your life. When you ended things with him, you told him he needed to grow the fuck up because you’d never ask him to do the things he was pressuring you to do.

When you told Jisung that same day that you broke up with him, he’d watched you curiously for a minute. When you didn’t cry or say anything further, he smiled at you and asked if you wanted to celebrate. Jisung had treated you out for dinner that night, telling you about how he’d always thought you could do better. That guy hadn’t respected you enough to trust you, and all he could do was hope that he would eventually change for the better. It wasn’t your job to fix him, after all. You’d only left out the part where he said Jisung was in love with you: he didn’t need to know that, and you didn’t need to hear him laugh it off as the joke that it was.

“I mean it.” Chris had moved closer to you when you never spoke up again, one hand squeezing your shoulder. “Felix is like a little brother to me. I think if you want to ask him out… The two of you would work well together.”

Maybe he had a point. But… “I thought I was your sibling.”

He rolled his eyes, moving back into his spot at the end of the couch. “Ask Jisung for help. You said they’ve known each other since high school, right?”

They have. They ended up rooming together their freshman year, and you’d almost always be spending at least a little time with Felix whenever you went to spend time with Jisung. He’d always be studying or on his way out, but he always made a point of hanging back just long enough to say hi to you and chat for a moment. Chris had a point, then. If anyone could help you, it would probably be Jisung.

(You wouldn’t know that Chris regretted the suggestion once he saw the way Jisung looked at you. He’d held his feelings to his chest for three years, and the mask slipped once when he thought no one was looking. The soft way he smiled at you, the tender look in his eyes when he heard you laugh… Chris would have taken the moment back if he could.)

Which was why you ended up in the MinSung apartment a few days later, sitting in Jisung’s computer chair. When you asked him for help, he’d agreed all too easily, saying something about how Felix did keep calling you cute. While he claimed to not know for sure (which you suspected was a lie), he’d been up front with you when he said he thought Felix might feel something toward you. Feelings in their vaguest form, but still something to give you genuine hope.

Minho had waited until you left to step into the doorway of Jisung’s room. “You’re an idiot.”

Minho was the only person Jisung admitted his feelings about you to. He’d already picked up on it long ago, seeing the looks that everyone else seemed to not notice, and outright asked him about it. He never understood how no one, outside of himself, knew about the affection Jisung harbored for you. He’d never been all that subtle about it in Minho’s eyes, always so lovingly doting on you. He saw the way you clearly cared for Jisung, too. When he’d quietly asked Chris once whether you felt something for Jisung, he’d said you denied it every time. But while Minho had his dumb moments… He knew you were lying. You had the same loving look on your face whenever you looked at Jisung, dreamy-eyed and oh-so-tender when you engaged with him. You gave Jisung a safe place to hide when his anxiety was too much, always willing to leave with him and get him the space he needed.

Surprisingly, Hyunjin called him the next morning, just to tell him the same thing Minho had said: you’re an idiot. Hyunjin always somehow seemed to pick up on Jisung’s feelings, too, but eventually believed him after he denied it enough times. You were Jisung’s best friend: was it really fair for him to love you so much when all you ever saw him as was a friend?

It wasn’t. So he told Hyunjin to mind his business, causing the short-lived spat that the rest of the group heard about in the vaguest terms. Hyunjin had argued with him about it, saying that pushing you toward Felix was cruel to everyone involved. Jisung knew Felix liked you, though, and now he knew that you liked Felix. If Jisung was the only person to get hurt, he could live with it. Maybe he’d turn it into a song if he really needed to. It took a few days, but Hyunjin finally agreed to keep his mouth shut now that he’d spoken to Felix and confirmed that Felix genuinely did like you as more than a friend. If Jisung knew that you were genuine, then Hyunjin could live with it as long as Jisung took care of himself.

It wasn’t your fault that Jisung had fallen in love with you. He agreed to Hyunjin’s terms, and decided that he could live with the heartbreak if you were happy with Felix. Felix was a good person, always so loving and warm. He would treat you the way you deserved, loving you openly and affectionately. All it would cost Jisung was one heartbreak in exchange for your happiness.

And for you? He would do it without hesitation.

One month into the semester, Jisung had already done a few things for you. Jisung went out of his way to ensure that you and Felix would sit together when given the chance, casually finding ways to move next to Hyunjin every time. A few weeks later, he’d casually dropped the fact that you were wanting to get into gaming more when the group was together, and you’d been confused until you saw the way Felix lit up at the topic. He’d immediately offered to let you join him and his friends, talking about free MMOs that you could play. All too easily, you managed to make conversation with him, talking about how you lacked experience with stuff like that… but you did have a Stardew Valley farm with Chris that the two of you worked on whenever you both had free time.

“Oh, really?” His eyes had been twinkling, head resting in his hand. “Maybe we could make a farm together.”

All too easily, he’d given you butterflies. “I’d like that,” you said, heart racing ever-so-slightly now.

“Actually…” He averted his gaze for a moment, his pretty freckled cheeks turning red. “Our show is opening in a few weeks. If you want…” He paused, looking up to realize the others were still there, “I’d, um, I’d like it if all of you could come. I can reserve a couple tickets for opening night, but…”

You’d agreed, already planning to make sure your schedule was clear that day. The group had always planned to come support Felix on one of those nights, guaranteeing that he’d have his own section clapping loudly for him once he was taking his bow… but that quickly turned into something that would happen on a later night. You’d taken Felix up on the offer for an opening night ticket, and managed to convince Jisung to come with you. If Jisung was with you, you wouldn’t make a fool of yourself… and Jisung agreed, saying he’d watch the show twice to come with the others later. You had work the other day, after all: it all worked out in a way, right?

Right. Which was why he was standing in a flower shop with you, looking at premade bouquets. For the past five minutes, you’d been debating between a bouquet of sunflowers and yellow roses, frowning to yourself as you tried to pick which one best suited Felix. Jisung found himself staring at pale pink peonies. He’d looked up flower meanings once when thinking about you. If he was going to confess, he would have bought you a bouquet. Pink peonies meant something like deep appreciation, and he could easily spin it into his appreciation for you as his best friend. Would he ever be able to face you and not feel his heart flutter? Maybe one day he would, if he was lucky.

When he looked at you again, you were still deep in thought. He could hear you mumbling to yourself. Roses were too forward, too strong to be just a ‘friend’ thing—even if you were trying to impress Felix. And sunflowers felt… A little cliche knowing Felix. Everyone gave Felix sunflowers on his birthday if they were going to give him flowers. Jisung looked at the other bouquets, only to find one of yellow tulips. You looked up as he approached you with them in hand, the shyest smile on his face.

“You said you wanted to give Felix something pretty, so…” He held them up. “If roses feel too strong… Then why not these?” The paper crinkled underneath his grasp, and his heart was racing even now. This wasn’t meant to be romantic, so why couldn’t he calm down?

You’d lit up, accepting the bouquet with him. He felt the way your fingers brushed against his own when you accepted them, looking down at them. “Do you think he’ll like them”

“He’ll love anything you give him,” Jisung said, gaze softening. If it was from you, it’d be special. His hands rested over your own for a minute, and you met his gaze after a moment. “Hey… Would I lie to you?”

Other people might have. Some people might have tried to sabotage their best friend’s happiness, but Jisung could never do that to you. Not when you meant so much to him. He loved you too much to do anything that might hurt you, that would destroy your happiness. Even if he didn’t love you, you were still his best friend, and that meant he needed to treat you like one. Best friends didn’t destroy best friends like that.

“No,” you said, drawing the bouquet back. You smiled at it again. “Thanks, Jisung. If you wanna wait outside, you can. I’m gonna see if they can put a little ribbon around it when I pay—make it look cuter, y’know?”

His heart leapt at the idea. Of course you’d be cute like this. He wished that it could be him that you were buying flowers for, but he’d accept getting to see you this happy. “I’ll be waiting.”

The bell above the door jingled as he left the shop, taking a few steps away before leaning against the brick wall. With a sigh, he let his shoulders slump. This shouldn’t hurt so much, but the ache in his chest seemed to show no sign of going away. He could put aside his feelings for you, though, if it meant he could see you smile. The soft look in your eyes when he reassured you only made him feel more complicated inside. You weren’t his to give away, so why did it feel like he was losing a part of himself the more he went along with this plan? In the back of his head, a little voice kept telling him to find an excuse to go back to his apartment. A forgotten assignment that he’d overlooked, or reading he needed to do for class… But that meant abandoning you, even though Felix really wanted you to come see him tonight. Not Jisung. Jisung was coming to see him in a few days, so why bother staying?

Again, the bell chimed, and out you stepped, bouquet in hand. The brown paper that once had been wrapped around the flowers was exchanged for white tissue paper, all bound together with a bright, sparkly gold ribbon. It would fit Felix perfectly, all sunshine-y and pretty, and it was only now that Jisung realized you were wearing blue. Felix’s favorite color. Why hadn’t he noticed that before? If you were in red, then Jisung would have noticed right away, wouldn’t he? His mind wandered for a moment: would you have bought flowers for him if you were coming to see him perform? Hell, would you come alone to see him perform next semester? He had to perform solo as part of his degree plans—would you wait to come with the others, or would you be there every night if you could…? Instead, he just gently reminded you to loosen up your grip on the bouquet before you broke the stems.

“What if he hates them?” Your leg had been bouncing nervously the entire bus ride back to campus.

Jisung just gently pat your arm. “He won’t,” he said, voice as soft as it was in the flower shop. “It’s Felix. I don’t think he’d ever hate anyone for bringing him a gift. Do you?”

That seemed to get through to you, and the tension in your shoulders eased up considerably. A moment later, you nodded, meeting his gaze. “Right…” And then you leaned against him, completely unaware that his heart was now racing all over again. “Sorry. I’m just… I’m nervous, I guess.”

Jisung could tell. Everything about you now pointed to this need for tonight to go right. The fact you were not only wearing Felix’s favorite color, but also the way you had dressed up a little nicer, just to make an effort for him. The way you were fretting over the flowers still, even now (Jisung could see the way you kept looking at them and readjusting your hands, all too conscious now that you might break the stems). He’d have to be ignoring you completely to not see the way your leg had been bouncing before, or the way you kept toying with your sleeve, or the way you kept checking the time even though you both left extremely early to get to the shop.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he said, leaning his head against your own. “You’ll be fine.”

Despite the way he still wanted to go home, Jisung stuck by you the entire time. You needed him there to calm you, the way he depended on you sometimes, and he wouldn’t leave you to flounder. The two of you found seats a few rows back from the stage, settling in for whenever the show would begin. Jisung could see Chris sitting in the front row, beaming with pride at the whole affair. That was the nice thing about Chris: he always made a point of coming back to help wherever he could, including with productions like this. Plus, he was always there to support everyone, especially his friends. Dance showcases, theatrical performances, the art exhibits that Hyunjin’s pieces and Seungmin’s photography ended up in… Chris was there, always happy to congratulate on a job well done. Jisung didn’t need to be sitting next to him to see the way he glowed with pride every time Felix was on stage.

When the show was over, Jisung watched as you gravitated near the door the actors would eventually emerge from. He’d already passed the responsibility of congratulating Felix onto you for now (he’d tell him later) as he searched for where Chris had disappeared to in the crowd. Most likely, he’d disappeared into the back to go talk to the actors. Two years out of school, and Chris never seemed to care about the fact he wasn’t technically a part of the department anymore. Jisung admired his confidence, at least: it always felt like a line he shouldn’t cross, even though Felix always said his friends were welcome.

He’d decided to take refuge in the bathroom instead, just to calm himself down. Chris would come back out soon when the actors did, meaning Jisung could talk to him then. He’d started to fiddle with little things as he stared at himself in the mirror: fixing a stray hair that never seemed to stay in place, adjusting the collar of his shirt, checking to see how puffy his face was… All little things that he could pick himself apart for if he felt like it, and his mind kept straying to it rather than how happy you seemed to be. He saw how engrossed in Felix’s performance you were. Maybe he should leave to spare himself from seeing this any further. He’d done his part, hadn’t he? You would understand.

Except he didn’t leave, because Jisung was still your best friend. You wouldn’t abandon him now, so he had to do the same for you. The moment he stepped back into the theater, he saw the way you were beaming at Felix. He’d finally emerged, dressed casually again, and was happily talking to you while holding the bouquet. All he needed to do was look at Felix to know that he was smitten from the way he was smiling at you. Okay. He could deal with this. All he needed to do was find Chris and maybe he could manage.

But all it took was you looking up and waving Jisung over for him to cave, already drawn toward you like a magnet. He couldn’t just leave. Not when you were smiling at him like that. Jisung ended up rattling off some praise for Felix (genuine, because he wouldn’t half-heartedly give him praise just because you liked Felix and not him), and Felix had blushed over it. His gaze fell down to the flowers in his hands, and Felix smiled again.

“Aren’t they sweet?” The tissue paper rustled in Felix’s grasp, and he swayed toward you ever-so-slightly. “They’re so sweet.”

Jisung didn’t say that he was with you when you bought them, that he’d been the one to push them to you. “They have a really good eye for these things,” he said instead. “They fit you perfectly.”

“I know!” Felix looked up, beaming with pure joy. “They’ve never given a bad present before. I don’t really know how they do it.”

Jisung did. You kept a running list in your notes app of things that people said they liked, or things they said they wanted, or things that they needed that you constantly updated. Plus, you made a point to subtly ask about things close to holidays and birthdays, too. All the things you needed to give a good gift that people wanted and would appreciate. The only other person who knew about this was Chris, and that was because he’d caught you editing it. Even if Jisung hadn’t given you the tulips, he knew Felix would have loved the sunflowers or the roses.

“I think I saw Chris,” Jisung said after a moment of seeing the (admittedly cute) way you and Felix kept glancing at each other. He started to move away, “I’m gonna go say hi.”

“Oh, I can come too!” You were flustered, all too aware of how much of Felix’s time you’d taken for yourself. “I mean, I’m sure Felix is tired of me hogging him, y’know?”

“It’s fine,” Felix said, smiling still. “I like talking to you.”

While his attention was still on you, Jisung made a point to nod toward Felix. Stay right there. He knew you wanted to talk to Felix, after all. You’d relaxed a moment later, planting yourself right where you were as you turned back to Felix. He’d already begun asking you something about an MMO he’d gotten you into, and Jisung turned tail to make his way to Chris.

Jisung ended up leaving the arts building before you ever did, stepping out into the chilly night air. Chris was there to give you a ride home, after all: you didn’t need to ride the bus to Jisung’s apartment and then back to your own in the way you always insisted on doing. Chris had offered to drive him home, but Jisung waved him off. He needed the alone time to think, and the bus ride that took him home was the perfect time for it. He’d already begun writing lyrics in the notes app on his phone half-way there, and soon enough he’d put them into ink in his songwriting notebook. Just to get those feelings down while the wound was fresh and oozing ink.

You’d texted him that night to say that you were getting lunch with Felix that week. He had other shows most nights, but he’d make time for lunch with you anytime. He’d wondered for a moment until you finally said the magic word: Felix could do ‘evening dates’ with you another time. Yet you still texted him a moment later, asking if Felix meant date dates. All Jisung could say was that it might: he wasn’t Felix. He couldn’t tell you yes.

All he could tell you was that he was genuinely happy for you, even though the emotion never reached him in that moment.

When he woke up the next morning, he’d realized he fell asleep at his desk. His spine was aching at this point, and he realized that there was ink smudged on his hand and his cheek. He’d written down messy, clumsy lyrics that were nowhere near as good as he could make them. Jisung glanced over them again and again. The ink had smudged on the page, which meant he should copy them over to a fresh one after he showered. The melody would come to him while he washed off his regret anyway.

All of it was sloppy in the way a work in progress often was. But he had time to write it better.

A week later, you had curled up on Jisung’s bed while you were waiting for him to finish an assignment. The two of you had plans to go out to dinner, and you always ended up showing up a little too early. It never bothered Jisung, who was currently hard at work on a composition due for class soon. You admired him for a moment as he bobbed his head along to whatever he was working on, lips pressed tightly together in concentration. He’d already told you he wasn’t going to finish it tonight—but he just wanted a little more progress before he went anywhere with you. Which just left you to scroll through YouTube idly, eyeing the videos of ducks that kept popping onto your feed. All it took was one video from Felix for you to fall down this rabbit hole, and you were honestly fine with that. He made you happy.

Absent-mindedly, you started to reach toward Jisung’s desk. He always kept a stack of sticky notes on it, and you were hoping to blindly snag it without bothering Jisung. Yet he glanced up for half a second before pushing the cube over to you, offering a pen out to you without a word. You accepted it, thanking him out loud even though he was still entranced with whatever song he was working on. He hadn’t shared any of this one with you yet, but you weren’t going to push. He would show it to you when he was good and ready, and if he didn’t, then you just assumed it’d be more personal. All you did was roll onto your stomach, leaving your phone next to you as you began to doodle on the sticky notes. Jisung sometimes kept your silly little doodles, sticking them to his monitor before eventually throwing them out. There was still a pink one stuck to the corner of his screen with a little puppy on it, surrounded by little flowers. You’d started drawing tulips on this new sticky note without thinking, followed by other flowers that you remembered seeing in that shop.

Jisung pulled the headphones off his head, looking over at you. He was wearing glasses again today—a rare sight since he started wearing contacts—and the monitor reflected in them. “Sorry,” he said, watching you doodle for a moment longer. “I’m almost done, I promise.”

“It’s okay,” you didn’t look up, humming to yourself as you kept drawing. “Take your time. I don’t mind waiting.”

(When other people said such things, jisung always felt a little on edge. Did they really mean it, or were they just pacifying him? But when you did it, he never had to doubt you. You always gave him this little reassuring smile. You meant it, and that was something else he loved about you.)

“I mean it,” you said, just like you always did to try and reassure him further. “I’ll be right here when you’re done, okay?”

Sometimes that promise would end in you falling asleep on his bed, always after you had a particularly long or rough day. He never woke you up: he’d just pulled a blanket over you and went to sleep on the couch for the night. He always made it up to you by buying breakfast that following morning. You did the same for him, after all.

Jisung replaced his headphones, but left one side off so he could hear you. A clear sign that he was open to conversation now, less focused on the work at hand. His way of winding down without dropping the project entirely. “How,” he said, and then paused for just a second as he clicked something else, “was lunch with Felix?”

The heat traveled to your face immediately, and you averted your gaze. “It was nice.”

“Oh?” He swayed a little, turning his chair slightly. “So no wedding yet? I was practicing to be the flower girl, you know.”

You flipped him off, and he snorted.

“I wouldn’t make a good one?” He faked offense. “I think I’d be cute.”

“The cutest,” you rolled your eyes, yet still found yourself smiling. “Are you gonna show me the song you’re working on, or is this one another mystery?”

Jisung turned toward his computer again, not quite looking at you anymore. “It’s not ready yet.”

You looked up at him, the way he sounded a little distant piquing your curiosity. It wasn’t ready yet…? You shrugged it off. What reason would Jisung have to lie to you…? Maybe he didn’t want your opinions this time around. There was nothing wrong with that, to be fair: Chris and Changbin were both better for musical analysis. But he’d always valued your opinions on something that was so important to him, and you always tried to pay attention to his lyricism and compliment him where you could.

Yet you doodled a little rose in the corner of the note. “Okay,” you dragged out the word, rolling onto your side after a moment, just to face him for a second. “If you ever want to show me, I’ll be happy to listen.”

“I’ll let you know if I need you.” A moment later, he met your eyes and smiled—just to reassure you that he was fine.

With said reassurance, you returned to lying on your stomach and doodling. You stuck the sticky note with flowers onto the side of his desk, and started doodling paw prints and hearts onto the new note. “I think we should go out.”

“Huh?!”

Immediately, your heart leapt into your throat. Fuck, that’s not what you meant—why did he have to sound so bothered by it?! Was dating you really such a weird idea…? You just prayed he couldn’t see how flustered you’d become, tugging at the collar of your shirt. When did your skin start burning…? “Felix told me about this nice restaurant and I figured we could go scope it out,” you said quickly. At least this wasn’t a lie or anything: Felix did send you the name of a nice place for a future date.

“Shouldn’t you check it out with him?”

You rolled your eyes. “You know how I am.”

Maybe it was silly, but you had this thing about scoping places out if you knew where someone was taking you. You did the same thing whenever your family was in the area and wanted to check something new out, just so you knew that there was something on the menu that you’d like. If someone else was treating you, you always felt guilty if you didn’t like what they were paying for. Jisung asked you once why you didn’t just look up the menu online and pick from there.

You had looked at him that day. “Jisung. What if they don’t make it good? What if they add extra stuff I don’t like and it’s gross after I ask them to take it off?” You frowned, hugging yourself. “Then I feel bad for wasting my money, or my date’s money, or my parents' money…”

He hadn’t questioned you on it further and offered to be your test-date if you needed him. He’d never judge your taste, after all. If he was busy, you’d just drag Chris into going wherever with you—always offering to pay for him even though he had the better job out of the two of you. It was nice to go out with Jisung, though. He always seemed to know what you were going to pick off of the menu, the same way you knew his tastes. Speaking of…

“Jisungie?” You smiled at him, ready to sweeten the deal in a way he couldn’t refuse. “I’ll buy you cheesecake after.”

Immediately, you saw the way he pressed his lips together. You knew one of the ways to his heart and it was always through something sweet like cheesecake. A moment later, he melted, smiling as he turned back to save what he was working on. You left the sticky notes on his desk and hopped up, announcing you’d be waiting for him and made your way out. Minho had been curled up on the couch with a book, glancing up when you came in.

“Jisung and I are going to get dinner. Are you coming?”

Minho glanced over to where Jisung had emerged from his room, then shook his head. “I already ate.”

Whatever. The two of you would have fun on your own, then. Through the power of digital maps and following directions, you and Jisung managed to find the place easily enough. The two of you ended up seated in the corner, ordering quickly enough before you were left alone. With a sigh, you’d begun to swirl your straw in your drink, mind wandering a bit. Your date with Felix had been nice, but you always felt so fluttery with him. Being around Jisung was… easier. You didn’t feel the need to force any conversation with him, the two of you were content to have a minute of quiet if that was what you both needed. It was a weird change to feel around him, to be honest. In the past, being around Felix was always easy. Now that you knew he liked you back… It was different. You couldn’t help but wonder if things would be different if Jisung liked you back, if this were a date. Then you pushed the thought away: you needed to stop thinking things like that.

“What’s on your mind?” Jisung had peeked up at you from where he was scrolling through social media on his phone, frowning a little.

With a sigh, you knew he’d pick up on your mood. “I feel like I’m gonna turn into one of those people who only talks about dating.” You fiddled with the sleeve of your sweater—your favorite color this time. “But…”

“I’m listening,” he said. “Is everything okay?”

Why did he have to look at you so earnestly? Jisung had the prettiest eyes, especially when they looked so shiny—like boba pearls, someone once said. You nodded a moment later. “Just… I dunno. I like Felix, but I keep getting nervous with him.” You tapped your toes against the floor, a little restless already. “I mean… I know he likes me, but… I dunno. We haven’t kissed or anything.”

“Has he said anything?” Jisung ran a hand through his hair, fluffing it effortlessly. How the hell did he always do that…? “What are you two doing next?”

“We were gonna see a movie and then get food here,” you paused, looking up from where you’d started staring at your hands. “And maybe dessert, if he’s interested.”

“Was it your idea or his?”

“His, but—”

“Then I think you’re overthinking it,” Jisung said gently. “I think…” He trailed off for a moment, and then cleared his throat. “I think he likes you because you’re you. And… And, um,” he glanced down for just a second, “and if anyone doesn’t like you, then… I don’t think they deserve you.”

Your heart skipped a beat. How was he so sweet? He seemed so nervous now, the way he always seemed to get when he was a little more sentimental with you. Like he was treading lightly, so as to not say the wrong thing. You’d told him once that there was nothing he could say that would upset you, and so far that still rang true. You had your fair share of disagreements over the years, but Jisung was your best friend. If you had soulmates in this life, then Jisung was one of them. “Jisung…”

He just silently watched you for a moment, gauging your reaction as he carefully tried to find any signs that he’d slipped up.

You just buried your face in your hands a moment late, skin burning hot already. He’d melted your heart all too easily, dooming you to pine for him forever. No matter how far you went from him, no matter if you moved on, Jisung eternally had a piece of your heart and he didn’t even know it. Finally, you found the strength to speak, voice small: “I don’t deserve you.”

Your date with Felix was going well. The movie was fun, and dinner went great (especially going in knowing that you already liked some of the menu). He’d been gushing about video games and the movie, and now he was talking about a new recipe he was workshopping. His fingers were intertwined with yours as you walked aimlessly, no plan in place for where you were going next. You liked how warm Felix’s hands were, and the way he would run his thumb over your hand—just a tender little way of showing he was still there with you.

“Maybe… I could bake with you sometime?” You squeezed his hand a little. “If you want an assistant.”

He lit up at the suggestion, already beaming again with joy. “I’d love that! I could teach you whatever you don’t know.” He paused, cheeks flushing red. “I think… you’d be a cute assistant, too.”

Your heart leapt into your throat at that, face growing warmer at the thought. Felix was always so cute, so affectionate, and the way he giggled at your flustered face only made you more embarrassed. Yet your mind had started to drift to the walk you’d taken with Jisung after dinner that night, heading toward your usual place for dessert….

Only to be jostled from your thoughts as Felix’s shoulder bumped against yours, getting your attention back with ease. “You okay?” He paused, and then smiled as he squeezed your hand. “You wanna get ice cream?”

Ice cream sounded perfect. You’d been wanting to bring up dessert, but you weren’t sure if he had room for it after dinner and splitting popcorn with you earlier. Then your mind turned to the brownies you’d had with Jisung… “Actually… There’s this place I go sometimes—”

“With Jisung?” Felix asked. He didn’t seem jealous or bothered in the slightest. “I’ve actually been wanting to go there with you.”

You slowed to a stop. “You have?”

He nodded. “Yeah, but… I dunno. I guess I started thinking I was overstepping since that place was always you and Jisung. You guys always take us somewhere else if we’re all going, so…”

What?

Felix shrugged, and started walking again. You fell into step with him. He continued on after a moment, “You two are really close. I mean… I’ve been places with my friends that I haven’t gone with you all, y’know? Maybe we keep stuff for our friends sometimes.”

The shop had always been a place for you and Jisung, sure, but neither of you ever intended for it to be exclusively for you two. Minho had gone with the two of you once or twice, and so had Chris. Now that you were thinking about it, this place wasn’t even the place you two used to frequent. That place closed down a little over a year ago, and you’d found this place shortly after that. The two of you had gotten a to-go order that first time to try in his apartment and fell in love with the dessert there.

“It’s not our place,” you said after a moment. “If you want ice cream, we can get ice cream instead. I just started thinking about their brownies—”

Felix was already intrigued. “Do you wanna go?” He squeezed your hand a little, giddy at the idea. “We can split one, if you want?”

Perfect. “I’d love that,” you giggled. “They’re huge and they put a scoop of vanilla on top and drizzle it with caramel—you’ll love it.”

And he did: he fed you the first bite, just to be cheesy. His eyes always seemed to twinkle when he looked at you, so thoroughly endeared to you day after day. He’d hummed in bliss at his own first bite of the dessert before talking about how the salted caramel complimented the sweetness of the vanilla ice cream and the slight bitterness of whatever dark chocolate was in the brownie. It all came together beautifully, and all you could do was admire how pretty Felix was. He’d held your hand again after the two of you left, and held on tight for the entire walk home.

“May I…?”

You turned your cheek to him, and he pressed a kiss against it. His lips were soft against your cheek, lingering there for a few extra seconds before he drew away. He’d already started talking about planning your next date soon, leaving it there. He took a few steps back, waiting until you unlocked the door to your apartment before he waved and made his way in the opposite direction. You retreated into your apartment with the sappiest smile on your face, already on cloud nine. In the sanctuary of your apartment, you buried your face in your hands, trying to ignore how heavily your heart was thumping in your ears.

“Someone had a good time.”

Chris had stood near the entryway, two glasses in his hands. He must have been on his way back to the living room, and you waved him on as you slipped out of your shoes and into your house slippers. Right as you were ready to tell Chris a little about how your date had gone, you spotted Changbin on the couch. With a polite way, you decided to hold off. Chris could wait to hear things tomorrow, and you told him that as you made your way toward your room.

“Did he walk you back?” Chris called out, and you hung back long enough to nod. “You could have invited him in for a minute—”

“Oh, fuck no.” You loved Chris, and maybe it would have been polite, but he had too much dirt on you. The fact you’d managed to be friends with everyone this long without having all your embarrassing stories spilled was a miracle in itself. “I love you, but I don’t need you to embarrass both of us, Chris.”

Chris only burst into giggles, knowing that you were right and that Felix would have agreed with you in a heartbeat. “I wouldn’t do it too bad!”

Big brother energy. Big bother energy, too. You opened your bedroom door. “You absolutely would,” you called back. “Love you!”

Yet it was right as you were closing the door that you heard Changbin speak up, clearly not intending for you to hear: “I thought they were…” Then a pause, just for a second. “... What about Jisung?”

You shut your bedroom door as quietly as you could, praying that no one noticed you’d caught that. You pressed your back against it for a minute, wondering where you had slipped up. Were you that obvious? Did everyone but Jisung know that you liked him and he didn’t like you back? No. No, no one else could know, right? If they knew, they would have said something by now—especially with the fact that you and Felix weren’t hiding the fact you were dating. Speaking of…

You texted him to get home safe, tacking on a yellow heart after it. He attached a little heart to the message soon enough, and you smiled to yourself. He’d text you when he got home, the way he usually did. All you could do now was start getting ready for bed as you let your mind drift back to what Changbin had been saying. If Changbin knew, then there was no telling if he’d accidentally spill it. What if Jisung found out…? He’d look at you differently, wouldn’t he? Especially since you’d asked him to help you get with Felix. What if he connected the dots and figured out that you were dating Felix because you were trying to move on? What if Felix found out and he hated you for it…? A world in which Jisung and Felix hated you was one you didn’t want to live in, and your heart began to race at the thought. Shit. What if…? You wanted to reach for your phone, to call Jisung. But Jisung would ask some questions to help you calm down, and you weren’t sure if you could be vague enough to keep him from finding out.

Instead, you threw yourself into doing research for an essay. The less you thought about it all, the better off you’d be. The only thing that pulled you out of your thoughts was the text that popped up over an hour later from Felix. He’d sent you a picture of himself with a face mask on, dressed and ready for bed, and apologizing that he didn’t text you sooner. It was followed up with a “sleep well 💙we’ll talk tomorrow, yeah?” that left you smiling.

Felix was cute. He was sweet. He liked you, and you liked him. All you needed to do was push past your feelings for Jisung, and things would work out. Letting go was the hardest part of loving someone who wouldn’t love you back, and you needed to learn how to do it.

Maybe Felix could help you learn how to do that by loving you extra loud.

“You’re both slacking, you know!”

Jisung looked up at the sound of your voice carrying across the apartment. Barely milliseconds later, he heard Minho groan at you for pointing out the fact the apartment was a little unkempt. Fuck, you were here sooner than he thought—he’d seen your text over half an hour saying you were coming, but you were ‘taking your time’ for whatever reason. You’d given him a time, and even still he was surprised by how soon you’d showed up.

“I told you to text before you come!”

You’d stopped for a minute to turn to huff at him. “I did!”

“Text me, not just Jisung.” There was no venom in his words, purely Minho ribbing you, but Jisung jolted from his chair. Shit, his room was a mess still. Minho had to know, didn’t he? This was him giving him a chance to tidy before you came in. “He’s been in his room all day, by the way.”

“What?” You hadn’t moved. “Really? Is he behind, or…?”

Yes, keep distracting them, Jisung shoved trash into the small trash can next to his desk—all wrappers from snacks. The sticky notes from his monitor were neatly hidden away in the bottom drawer with all the others you’d left him. Minho was rattling something off about how he knew Jisung had been hard at work, although he’d barely checked on him since he seemed to be focused. He’d tie up the bag and take it out of his room later, after you left. He made up his bed as you asked something about one of Jisung’s classes, to which Minho said a curt “I don’t know, I’m not his mom,” which earned ribbing from you considering how Minho acted like a mom at times. A second later, your voice was a little louder, having stepped closer to his room.

He threw himself back into his chair, pulled his headphones on, and pretended to be hard at work. Don’t notice the fact he’s still panting a little—he was just… running. A marathon. Really. He heard your quick knock, followed by the creak of his bedroom door a moment later. When you waved your hand in front of his face, he pretended to jolt back, pushing his headphones around his neck as he looked up at you.

With a smile, you held up the takeout. “How much do you love me?”

More than you knew. No wonder you told him you weren’t sure you’d be there on time. He accepted the bag, already working to undo the knot. “I don’t deserve you.”

You pulled over the spare chair, pulling it over to his desk. “Minho said you’ve been busy all day. Everything okay?”

He nodded. “Just working on that paper on music history,” he set aside the plastic-wrapped utensils. “It’s due in a few days, but I’m behind on it, so…”

You frowned a little. “Okay, but… Have you eaten today?” When he didn’t move, you’d been given your answer. “Aw, Jisungie…”

“I’ve snacked?”

“That’s not the same thing,” you leaned against his desk. “I guess I came at a good time, then.”

He nodded, pulling the knot undone. He set your food aside. “I think Minho tried to check on me earlier. I don’t really remember.”

It wouldn’t be the first time, and both of you knew that. “Are you gonna share this time?”

He let out a groan. One time he ate all the steamed dumplings, and you’ve never let him live it down. “I always share,” he said, setting the container where both of you could reach it. “Take however many you want.”

“Not those,” you said, before pausing for a moment. “Well, yes those, but…” You pointed your chopsticks toward his computer. “Any of your work. I feel like I haven’t heard any of it this semester.”

“You’re usually with Felix,” he said, voice a little quieter. “I mean… You two are usually going out and doing things, you know?” He hoped you understood him: you couldn’t be around to hear things when you were out with him.

“Not the entire semester,” you frowned again. Then you sighed, balancing your food in your lap. “But you’re right.” Then you paused, brows drawing together. “Wait… Am I spending too much time with Felix?”

Jisung shook his head quickly. “No! No, you two are fine—I just meant—”

You reached out, squeezing his shoulder, “No, Jisung. I’m sorry.”

The way you sounded so genuinely upset only broke his heart a little. He didn’t mean to imply you shouldn’t be spending time with Felix—the two of you were dating after all. “Don’t feel bad about Felix—”

You stopped him there again. “No, I mean… I know we’re dating, but that’s no excuse to ignore you. I don’t want to be the kind of person who dumps their friends entirely, all just because I’m seeing someone. That’s not fair to you.”

His face grew warmer. Had you thought about this before…? You’d always been so conscious of your friendships when dating in the past. Sure, you spent more time with past partners, but he’d never felt neglected. No one did. “You aren’t dumping any of us. It’s okay.”

Yet that didn’t seem to stop you. “We should go out this weekend,” you said. “Like we usually do. I have to work Saturday morning, but my evening is yours.”

His? Jisung ignored the way his heart skipped a beat at that. It didn’t mean anything. “But what about Felix?”

You pressed your lips together. “If he doesn’t understand ‘best friend time,’ then he’s not the one.” You shrugged. “My partner shouldn't stop me from hanging out with friends. I’m never going to date anyone like that. I wouldn’t want anyone to put their life on pause entirely for me, you know?”

Jisung had always loved that about you. You loved your friends wholeheartedly, and you were always so, so loyal to them. In your past relationships, you’d always found time for friends. They understood whenever you prioritized the relationship during that initial phase, sure, but it always just felt… wrong to drop them entirely during that period. You needed to balance your time, after all.

Jisung swallowed his own pain. “How are you two?”

“You don’t want to hear about us.”

“I do,” he insisted. “You don’t have to share anything, but… You’re both still my friends. Jeongin said he saw you two on a date.”

You fumbled with your chopsticks, immediately growing flustered. “Oh my god. Felix kept telling me that he was positive it wasn’t him—I knew it was! Holy shit—”

“He didn’t say anything bad!” Jisung panicked a little, carefully removing your food from your lap before it could get spilled in your movement. He moved his chair over, giving you some of his desk space so you wouldn’t have to use your lap as a table anymore. “All he said was that you two were holding hands and giggling. He said it was sweet.”

You refused to look at Jisung, still too embarrassed to do anything more than push your food around its plate. “He’s… really sweet,” you admitted after a moment. “I dunno how I feel, honestly, and I kinda feel bad about that. He’s nice to talk to, and he’s sweet, but… I dunno. I keep getting worried that I’m leading him on if I’m not all-in already.” Your knee bumped against Jisung’s. “You changed the subject, by the way.”

Shit, you caught him. Jisung just moved the dumplings between the two of you again, trying to distract you. When you gave him a pointed look, he knew you weren’t going to drop it yet. With a sigh, he shrugged. “I’ll show you after I finish one. They aren’t good yet.”

“Bullshit,” you said. “Your works’ always good. Even when it’s a work in progress—I can always tell that you love what you’re doing. I love how devoted you are to it… and to us, y’know.”

Now it was his turn to be embarrassed, always so easily flustered. How did complimenting him come so easily to you?

“You don’t have to share it if you aren’t ready or if you don’t want to,” you said after a moment. “You can tell me that, though. I’ll stop asking.”

Jisung looked up, nodding. “Later,” he promised, running a hand through his hair nervously. “When I’m ready.”

You giggled, squeezing his knee. “That’s all I needed to know,” you said. “I’ll be here for you when you want to share, alright?”

Tell them. The little voice in the back of Jisung’s mind was nagging him again, and all he could do was admire how giddy you were getting over dumplings. He loved how you found joy in little things like this, too. Tell them so they can break your heart and get it over with.

Then something clicked in his mind, something he’d glazed over entirely. “You… might not like Felix?”

You avoided his gaze, as though you were ashamed. There was nothing wrong with not being sure of your feelings, and yet you’d shrunk before him, unsure. “I don’t know. I… I like him, but I’m not sure how far it goes.”

“You should figure it out soon,” he said softly. Regardless of his own feelings for you, Felix was his friend. You clearly were, too. It was unfair if you stopped feeling things and kept seeing him. “Felix is a really good person. If you want to date him, you should be up front about it. He won’t hold it against you if you don’t feel the same, you know? Do what will make you happy.”

You looked up from your food a moment later, a soft look in his eyes. He’d seen you and accepted you without any harsh judgment. Someone else might have told you off for being unsure, but not Jisung. Never Jisung. Feelings were complicated, after all. If you weren’t sure, then you weren’t sure. All you needed was time to figure it out. You wouldn’t drag things out to hurt Felix. You turned, leaning over the side of your chair to wrap your arms around him. He relaxed into your embrace, reaching up a hand to squeeze your arm.

“I’m really glad you’re in my life, Jisung.” You shut your eyes, squeezing him extra tight for a second. “I really, really love you, y’know?”

Why did that feel like a confession? His heart was racing, and he just squeezed you gently. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment as he savored this moment. “Yeah,” he said, praying that you didn’t notice how warm his face was getting, or hear how fast his heart was racing. “Love you, too.”

A moment later, you drew away, hands lingering on his arm for a moment too long. Then you were hit with realization. “Oh!” You drew away from him, “I forgot to get us drinks.” The wheels noisily rolled against the floor as you stood up. “I’ll go see what’s in the fridge, alright?”

Before he could offer to go, you were gone. Jisung watched the door shut behind you, and let out a long sigh as he relaxed into his chair. How long would it take for him to get past this? Every little moment like this with you only made his feelings burrow deeper into his chest. It felt as though he’d hit bedrock and somehow managed to keep digging. Something squeezed in his chest, and he felt as though he was going to suffocate in that moment.

Jisung loved you too much, and now it was starting to hurt even more.

Felix was… Felix. He’d been kind to you from the first day you met him. He was sweet. Sometimes insecure, but most people were, weren’t they? He was warmer than sunshine, though, and you had always felt like you were on top of the world when you were with him. He had that ability to just spread joy in other people, that pretty smile enough to give anyone butterflies—especially when you heard his laugh afterward. He’d always drifted toward others, always ready to give a warm hug when someone needed it (or even just wanted it). Felix was sunshine in human form…

So what changed? He was smiling that cute, smitten smile that he always seemed to have when he was around you. He played with your fingers, talking about his day and asking you about your own. The two of you hadn’t been going out that long, yet those weeks seemed to shift subtly more and more until you were where you were now. The time he first kissed your cheek felt so distant now. He still liked to press little kisses against your cheek, and you often did the same to him, too. So what was wrong with you? His giggle still made your heart flutter, and the cute face he made when he got flustered was still adorable, but…

Chris had paused the movie the two of you were watching one weekend, opting to study you for a moment. You’d been scrolling through your social media feeds, too bored with the stilted leads. They were reciting shitty dialogue written by someone who clearly didn’t know what love was. Then again… What was love like?

“Hey. Can we talk?”

You looked up, confused. When did Chris get so serious…? “What’s wrong?”

“I love you, but…” He let out a sigh. “I just wanted to say that I think you should cut things off with Felix if you aren’t interested.”

What? You never said you weren’t interested. Felix was sweet, and nice, and you felt great when you were around him still. “What?”

“I don’t know—Whenever I look at the two of you now, it looks like you’re always thinking about something.” Chris paused for a moment, and then frowned at you. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m still here for you. I just don’t want you and Felix to get hurt.”

You hugged yourself. “I know, I just…”

“Just… Figure it out, yeah?” Chris let out a sigh. “I love you so, so much. And I love Felix, too. When you said you were interested in him, I was really excited for you both, yeah? But, I don’t know, I can’t shake this weird feeling now.” He paused for a moment, eyes searching your own now. “I didn’t push you into this, did I?”

“No! No,” you shook your head, “you didn’t. I was crushing on him for a while.” You drew your knees a little closer to you, shifting into a more comfortable position. “I… I don’t know.”

Maybe you should kiss him. Just to see how it felt.

“I guess…” You trailed off for a moment, hugging your blanket closer to you. “I guess I’m just not sure about anything anymore. I like hanging out with him. And… I like him. I just don’t know how I feel anymore.”

Chris frowned as he watched you. He understood, though: feelings were always complicated in some way, weren’t they? “You should tell him soon once you figure it out.” The way he was being so insistent on it meant someone talked to him. Was it Felix…? Had Felix confided in him? He sat up, reaching for the near-empty bowl of popcorn. He dropped the remote into your lap. “I’m gonna make more popcorn. Find something actually good to watch, yeah?”

“This was your pick, you know.”

He just rustled your hair before moving on. With a new movie picked out, Chris settled into the space next to you rather than his usual spot. He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into his side as he pressed a kiss onto the top of your head. He’d always given you little kisses like that when you were upset, and the habit never really died. It comforted you even now, reminding you of simpler times. He’d cared for you once when you were a child, rushing to your side when you skinned his knee. Admittedly it was because you’d been chasing after him, but he’d cared for you the same way he did for his siblings. He bandaged your knee, kissing it better the way his parents always did before kissing your forehead. His parents told him that it helped it heal faster. And, sure, the two of you had been dumb kids then, but the kisses now always reminded you that you weren’t going through things alone. Chris was always right there with you, the older brother you never had.

It was sweet. At least you would always have Chris in your corner, right next to Jisung.

Felix kissed you.

The two of you had walked home from dinner that night with your pinkies linked together. You’d grown quieter with each step, listening to Felix as he filled the space with soft conversation until it, too, was drowned in the sounds of the night. The sound of cars driving past, the chirp of crickets, the wind as it kissed your skin. But Felix was right there with you, still tethered to you by your pinkies. Even now, he looked at you so sweetly whenever he caught your eye. He’d fixed your jacket, or brushed a stray strand of hair back from your face. When you were finally back in front of your apartment, he’d asked if he could kiss you. You said yes, and he closed that distance between you. All at once, you knew: Felix wasn’t it.

Maybe there would never be anyone like Jisung for you. But you couldn’t be upset about that. It wasn’t his fault you fell for him somewhere along the way. And now you were standing in front of your apartment, an eternity seeming to pass as Felix kissed you gently. His lips were slightly chapped this time, fingers gently holding your face. One of the neighbors must have opened their door and seen from the way it opened and immediately shut.

A moment later, Felix pulled away since you never actually reciprocated. The hurt in his eyes told you everything: he knew. His hands were still holding your face, thumbs running over the apples of your cheeks. Shit. Fuck, you’d hurt him, all while you were hurting, too. Yet you saw the way he tried to fight back tears, blinking quickly as he took in a shaky breath.

When he spoke, his voice was strained. “This… wasn’t ever going somewhere, was it?”

Even after you’d hurt him, he was still so gentle with you. You wished he were angry with you, or upset, or anything other than the man who was forcing a smile in front of you now. If he yelled at you or started crying, then you could apologize. You could try to fix things. All he did was keep that forced smile as he drew his hands back, letting them fall to his sides again. With the tiniest step back, your worlds seemed to break apart. Why couldn’t he just yell at you? You’d hurt him, and he just… He looked at you like he still thought the world of you.

“That’s okay.” His voice was so much quieter. It was as though his sunlight had been snuffed out. “I had fun.”

“Felix—”

“I mean it,” he said, taking another small step back. “I… I really hope this doesn’t hurt our friendship. I still like talking to you, and—and I like being your friend. And you’re kind-of good at games, so we could, um—we could still use yours if you wanted to play with us, and…”

He was rambling. All you could do was step forward, pulling him into your arms to hug him tight. All too easily, he crumpled into your embrace, holding you tight.

“I’m sorry, Felix.” You hoped he would forgive you someday. Not today. Not too soon, not too easily. You didn’t deserve that. “I should have known sooner.”

He shut his eyes for a moment, taking in another shaky breath before pulling away from you. “It’s okay. You didn’t know.” He paused. “You should head in. I’m sure Chris is worried. I’ll probably get a text from him on my way home. You know how he is—he always worries, and, um, he… worries a lot about if I’m getting home safe, and…”

You punched in your apartment’s code, stepping back into the doorway. You turned to face Felix one last time, heart breaking in your chest. He forced one more smile as he looked at you.

“Goodnight,” he said, voice soft as ever.

You swallowed hard. “Goodnight, Felix. Get home safely.”

And then you shut the door, securing the door as you pressed your forehead against it. You waited, hoping that Felix had taken off as soon as the door was shut before you slammed your fist into it. Chris was out. You hadn’t seen his shoes when you stepped in, his house slippers left in their usual spot. All too quickly, you kicked your shoes off, heading toward your room as you started to strip off your clothes. You just wanted to be in your pajamas, curled up in bed. The heartbreak wasn’t what was hurting you more: it was knowing you’d hurt Felix, and he was going to go home, and he was going to cry because Felix was someone everyone treated with care. He wasn’t fragile, but he was gentler. A softer person. There was a reason why Minho joked with him differently, after all.

At least you were alone now. Chris would have asked questions. Everyone would have, except… You’d picked up your phone, opening it up to Jisung’s contact. Jisung wouldn’t ask questions. Jisung would hold you and let you cry. But he was Felix’s friend first.

All you could do now was send a final text to Felix to get home safely. A little heart popped up next to the message, a sign that he saw it, and you shut your phone off afterward. You dragged yourself to bed, chest heavy and hurting as you pulled your blankets around yourself. Why couldn’t things just be different?

Why couldn’t you just turn your feelings off?

Jisung didn’t speak to you all week.

This wasn’t him getting busy with schoolwork and shutting everyone out to work. Jisung did that with warning to everyone, just so no one worried about him. That was the rule for all of you. Life could be hectic, but no one was to completely shut everyone out without at least some sort of heads up so no one worried too much. Jisung had always been clear with telling you when he needed his space so that you could check in with him occasionally. The one person you needed most right now wasn’t responding to your texts, and that terrified you. He was pissed at you. He had to be, right? You had hurt Felix, and Jisung decided to side with the person he’d known longer. Messaging Minho yielded no answer, too. You had expected Felix to avoid you the way he was now, but even he had been more cordial to you. Sure, he was quieter, but that, again, was something you had expected. He apparently came by one day to see Chris, and you had never known until Chris offhandedly mentioned it.

You had to figure things out, which meant asking everyone separately. Chris had claimed he didn’t know anything about what was wrong with Jisung. He never acted any differently when they interacted, although it was a little more rare nowadays. Minho only responded to tell you that Jisung needed space, but that he wasn’t sure what had happened. Felix had messaged you back to first accept your apology for bothering him and then tell you that he wasn’t sure what happened. No one did. Jeongin seemed clueless that anything had happened, Changbin said he’d see what he could find out (only to come up fruitless in that attempt), and Seungmin had been buried in his own schoolwork. If anyone had known something, it would have been Minho.

Which… admittedly was why you decided to wait outside the dance studio he worked at. He was teaching kids dance now, and it paid well enough that he could support himself. Plus he seemed happy, always getting along well with the kids according to Felix and Hyunjin when they volunteered to help a few times. You knew that he locked up in the evenings because he was the last person out, always taking an hour to himself to practice his own dancing. You listened to the jingle of keys and the loud click of the door, followed by Minho making his way down the steps. He noticed you all too easily, and slowed to a stop.

He shook his head, pocketing his keys. “I’m not telling you anything,” he said, as though he’d been expecting you to track him down. Maybe he did. Minho could have his airheaded moments the way you had your own, but he wasn’t stupid. “How long have you been waiting?”

“Maybe half an hour.” You crossed your arms, shivering a little in the cold. Maybe longer, actually. “I just want to know what’s going on with Jisung. I’m worried, Minho—he hasn’t said anything to me.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “He’s just going through a few things.” He stepped down off that final step, making his way toward home. He turned, speaking to you again, “He’s not ready to talk to you, so give him space for now. He’ll talk to you when he’s ready.” Then he turned away again, continuing his walk away.

That wasn’t enough for you. You hurried to catch up to him, “Minho!” You fell into step next to him. “Why can’t he just tell me that? That’s all I needed to hear from him. He knows he can tell me things, I just—”

Minho stopped suddenly, turning to face you. He reached up, hands resting on your shoulders. “When he’s ready, he’ll tell you. Don’t worry about him,” his fingers dug into your shoulders for a quick squeeze, “I’m taking care of him. Just wait for him.”

Before you could question him further, Minho let go of you. All you could do was stand there, stewing in your thoughts. Minho knew, then. What he knew exactly, you weren’t sure, but he at least knew what was wrong with Jisung. You drew your phone back out of your pocket, opening it to your unanswered messages to Jisung. Maybe you shouldn’t have, but you needed to say at least one last thing before you stopped trying to contact him. Just to he knew that you were still on his side:

I’m here if you need me, Jisung. Please take care. Love you.

And by the time you were home, he had reacted with a heart. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to tell you he’d seen your messages.

At least he’d given you that.

Jisung still wasn’t speaking to you another week later.

He knew about Felix. How could he not know about Felix? He knew that you had ended things with him. He knew that Hyunjin was beyond pissed at you, and he knew you’d eventually figure that out. Jisung had spilled his feelings to Hyunjin when he pushed again. That he had loved you for so long now that he couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t love you. Hyunjin, to his credit, had quietly listened to Jisung as he told him everything. Then when he was done, he scowled to himself.

“They hurt Felix,” he had said. “Because they love you.”

Jisung shook his head. “You don’t have to say things like that. I know they don’t—”

“No, they do, and you need to realize that.” Hyunjin crumpled the paper cup of coffee, getting up to throw it into the trash. “That’s why they turned Felix down.”

What the hell—Did you say something to Hynjin? “Did they tell you?”

“No.” He crossed his arms. “But I know. It’s a gut feeling. I always thought you were lying to me, but…” He let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “You deserve better than them, Jisung.”

Immediately, he was taken aback. “What?”

“They fucked with Felix’s feelings,” he said, “and I think that’s fucked up. I don’t care that they have feelings for you—they should have left Felix out of it. Why would they do this to him?”

“They liked him,” Jisung said, already quick to defend you. He was hurting, yes, but he wasn’t going to just let Hyunjin insult you like this. You weren’t some cruel person—you had genuinely liked Felix. What, were you supposed to keep dating Felix when it turned out you didn’t feel the same way? “They wouldn’t have dated him if they didn’t.”

“Did they?” He balled his hands into fists. “Or were they just trying to get over you?”

“They wouldn’t have hurt him on purpose!” Jisung hated how he teared up now. He was angry, he wanted to defend you, and yet the stress of fighting back now was already getting to him. “They were figuring out how they felt—they’re not a bad person for figuring out that they don’t like him like that.”

“I mean it,” Hyunjin said. “You deserve better. Felix does, too.”

Jisung didn’t know what else to say. Nothing he could say would change Hyunjin’s mind, would it? He was pissed at you, and nothing Jisung could say on your behalf would do anything. Only you could change his mind.

“I’m still here for you,” Hyunjin said, voice a little softer than before. “I know it’s hard. I’m sorry, Jisung.”

Of course he was still there for him. Everyone would be—including Felix, if he knew. He saw a picture pop up a few days later of Felix out with Hyunjin and Changbin, smiling genuinely at the camera. He’d heard about how badly Felix had been hurting those first few days–. Changbin said he’d been crying for so long that night, genuinely heartbroken by how everything had gone down. Not that Changbin was upset with you at all: relationships sometimes just didn’t work out. It sucked that Felix was hurt, but everyone (excluding Hyunjin, who’s loyalty to Felix admittedly blinded him to anything you were going through) understood that the situation was complicated. It had to be, right? The two of you seemed to fit together so well…

Jisung shut his eyes, listening as he reworked this part in his song about you for maybe the millionth time now. The lyrics weren’t completely right, not flowing the way he wanted them to. But he’d never been able to get them right every time he tried to rewrite them, and it was too personal a project to ask for a second opinion on. He’d stopped working on it to console Felix at one point, only for him to ask point black if Jisung actually did like you. He denied it. the same way he always did and always would, and Felix didn’t push. Jisung couldn’t like you now. Not when it would hurt someone, and especially when it would hurt someone like Felix. Denying his feelings hurt, but pursuing you just felt selfish.

Suddenly, his headphones were pulled off his ears, and Minho stood next to him. He glanced at the screen and already recognized it to be the piece that Jisung had been working on constantly when he wasn’t working on schoolwork, and sighed. Jisung watched as Minho wordlessly made his way over to his closet, opening the doors and searching through his shirts. He yanked one off, throwing it at Jisung, who scrambled to catch it.

“Get dressed,” Minho said before Jisung could question him. “Chris is on his way.”

Jisung furrowed his brows. Chris was…? He looked down at the clean white t-shirt in his hands. “Did something happen?”

“We’re all going out,” he said, searching for a clean pair of jeans. He threw those at him, too, and then turned. “You’ve barely left the apartment outside of work and class. We’re going to sing your feelings out. Bottling them up won’t help you.”

Jisung only stared at him. Writing a song about you was the opposite of bottling it up… right? “I’m not—”

“You don’t have to tell us everything,” he made his way over, giving Jisung a gentle pat on the head. “But you can depend on us. We’re here for you.”

Jisung looked down at the clothing Minho had oh-so-lovingly thrown in his face, and nodded. He left his headphones on his desk, moving to change once Minho had left him alone. Soon enough, he had changed, and even sooner after that, Chris had shown up. If you were upset, Chris hadn’t said a word about it. He just threw an arm around Jisung, already bragging about how he’d have the highest score tonight if Jisung didn’t bring his game. It was almost nice to act as though nothing was wrong, even though Jisung saw the concerned looks Chris kept taking.

He’d run his fingers over the smooth seats in the karaoke room, listening as Chris put in an order for drinks and snacks. All of this was his treat, he’d insisted over and over. This was entirely his idea, apparently (an idea Minho didn’t refute at all). Jisung kept glancing at the door, wondering if this was some plan they’d concocted to make the two of you talk.

“Jisung, you should sing first,” Minho said, prodding his side to get his attention.

Jisung looked to his two friends, who began to chant his name to motivate him further. This wasn’t a trap to make the two of you talk, then. The tension eased off of him. They wouldn’t do that to him—not like this, at least. He waved his hands, though. “No—It’s fine! One of you can go first.”

Chris stood up and began to cycle through the songs, humming to himself before stumbling across one. “Jisungie,” he cooed, “will you sing with me?”

Of course Chris had found a duet. It was from two members of a popular boy group, and Jisung had… admittedly listened to it more than a few times over the past two weeks. The song was about heartbreak to the point of begging the listener to say yes, to sing this song with them again, to let them stay again. It was easier to sing alongside Chris than to sing along, to share his pain through another song he’d had on repeat.

And it became healing to belt out a ballad with his friends until his throat ached. To break down crying afterwards and be held by them as he sobbed. Something inside of him had finally broken down in the way it needed to. When replacing his battery once, the guy behind the counter told Jisung that it was okay to let his phone die sometimes, because even it needed rest. He didn’t know enough to know if this was sound advice, but he had always kept the advice in mind at least. Was that what this was? Had his own battery finally run out and this was his way of resting rather than tirelessly pushing forward, recharge after recharge? He’d leaned into Minho’s side, sobbing into his sleeve while Chris rubbed circles onto his back.

By the time they left after buying another hour, Jisung felt lighter. He would always carry this heartbreak for you within him, yearning for something he needed to let go of to be better. But more importantly, things finally seemed clearer to him. He knew how to fix his song, lyrics perfected in the back of his mind. He typed them out into his notes app while sitting in the back of Chris’s car, just so he wouldn’t lose them. The melody came to him easier—something he’d need to change a little to be just right—and he tapped it out onto his jean-clad leg. The moment he was home, he would put it down onto paper.

And when he finished his song, he could finally let go. Jisung promised himself that he would, and when he did that, he could finally let you back in if you would have him.

Almost three weeks without Jisung, and you felt like you were holding yourself together with thread. At first, you’d been angry once Minho told you to just wait for Jisung. If it was this serious, then Jisung should have told you himself that he needed space. A lot of space, apparently. Then came worry, because had you done something to upset him? Was that why he wouldn’t so much as look at you anymore? Had you hurt Jisung without even knowing it. Or… Or did he figure out the real reason why you couldn’t be with Felix? Someone must have suspected your feelings for Jisung now. Chris had to know. Changbin already suspected something. Surely, one of them would have hinted at it to Jisung… wouldn’t they? Night after night, you found yourself searching through every text from your friend group for some answer that you were sure would never come to you. Something that someone had said to hint at what was wrong with Jisung.

And then the answer came to you in what someone didn’t say. Hyunjin had never responded to a single one of your texts. You hadn’t noticed at the time, far too caught up in trying to figure out the puzzle that was Han Jisung and his disappearance from your life. But you’d had enough, and if Hyunjin had the answers, then it was time to put a stop to this. You’d buzzed his apartment, and Seungmin let you in without much of a second thought. Hyunjin sat at their dining table, sketchbook open in front of him while he worked on thumbnails for a new assignment. He looked up, and immediately you saw disgust cross his face.

“Tell me what’s wrong with Jisung.”

You weren’t asking anymore: this was a demand. A week ago, you would have scurried in and pleaded for Hyunjin to just talk to you. But the scorn in his eyes was enough to tell you that Hyunjin knew something and, for whatever reason, he was beyond pissed at you. He scowled at you for a moment, but let it go, fading into neutrality. He leaned back after a moment, giving you a quick once-over.

“You’re being rude.”

Was he serious right now? Of all the people to deal with… “Hyunjin.” You folded your arms across your chest. “I mean it. If you do know something, then tell me already.”

His gaze was cold still, expression not betraying his true thoughts. “It’s none of your business.”

“Bullshit!” You snapped at him, fists balled as you stepped forward. “It’s been almost three weeks and I haven’t seen Jisung the entire fucking time—If it’s bad, then at least say that!”

“What do you think the problem is?!” Hyunjin truly was pissed with you, voice now raising as he stood up. He pushed his sketchbook aside to where it would be safe, and stared you down. “You broke Felix’s heart, and it’s hurting the rest of us—and you should have thought about that before you asked him out.”

You sputtered. Was he pissed at you because things didn’t work out? “I didn’t know we wouldn’t work out! What was I supposed to do—pretend I still had feelings for him?”

“Tell him sooner.” He clenched his jaw. “Don’t lead him on when you clearly have feelings for Jisung.”

Seungmin gasped behind you, and you found yourself at a loss for words. Hyunjin knew? When—How—How the fuck did Hyunjin find out? You swore you’d always hidden your feelings well, but… “What are you talking about?”

His gaze was ice cold now, and he scowled at you once more. “You went out with Felix because you didn’t want to admit it. Now Jisung feels bad because he helped set you two up because you asked—Did you even like Felix?!”

“I did!” You did. You truly did. But not every relationship was meant to last—and, hell, you never even became anything official. If you could turn back time, you would have ended things sooner. “I did,” you said, your voice softer as you reined in your temper. “I wouldn’t just mess with Felix like that, Hyunjin. He’s my friend, too.” You brought your arms up to hug yourself. “Hyunjin, do you really think I’d do that?”

Hyunjin didn’t say anything for a moment, the regret clear on his face. His fingers grazed the wooden table in front of him as he looked away from you, pressing his lips into a firm line. As upset as he was with you, assuming you would be so cruel to someone you both clearly cared about was… a little too far, wasn’t it? He took a deep breath as he calmed himself down, meeting your eyes after a moment. “I think you need to figure out your feelings. I’m tired of watching my friends hurt.”

“I know.” Your lip trembled a little, and you fought back the urge to cry. “I can’t help how I feel about Felix, though. I know I should have told him sooner, but… I really, really didn’t know until we kissed. I promise.”

Hyunjin said nothing at first, just watching you. He licked his lips a moment later, swallowing hard. “You really don’t understand, do you?”

All you could do was stare. Maybe he would give something away. “What?”

Seungmin spoke up after a moment, “Don’t you have that meeting? For your project?” He looked between the two of you. He looked at Hyunjin more pointedly after a moment, clearly annoyed at the confused look on his face. “Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin caught on for once, although you could tell that this was some sort of lie. “Right,” he said, reaching for his sketchbook. “I should go.”

There was no point in calling either of them out. They weren’t going to tell you anything now, and you needed to reflect on what had happened so far. You apologized for intruding and for coming in so hot, turning to make your way out of the apartment. While you still weren’t sure why, exactly, Jisung was upset to the point of not speaking to you… You understood at least a little more. It felt like everyone knew something that you didn’t, although the answer felt just outside of your reach. How much of it was you not knowing, though, and how much of it was you not letting yourself know? You weren’t sure.

Hyunjin called your name before you left, hesitating before he met your gaze. “I think… I think you should talk to Jisung.” He frowned. “I’m still upset with you because of Felix, but… It’s weird that you two aren’t talking at all. So…” He made his way over, opening the door to leave with you. “Talk to Jisung soon.”

You would. Regardless of how you came out on the other end, you would talk to him no matter what it took.

Jisung had his favorite studio on the music floor of the arts building. He’d penciled in his time slot at the beginning of the week, and let himself in with the code. This room was the furthest from the entrance, and it had the most comfortable chair to settle in and work in. It was always a fight to get this room, and Jisung was good at quietly stealing a few time slots for himself. He shoved his bag underneath the table, and he put himself to work. He’d need to re-record the piano track for one piece, record the guitar accompaniment for another piece he’d been working on… And plenty more that was always best suited for working here rather than home. Using digital instruments only took him so far—there was something calming about sitting down and playing a piece himself.

It wasn’t until he was playing a piece back that he heard the door click unlocked behind him. When he looked up, there you were. You looked tired. Far more tired than he did most days. What had happened to you?

“Hey.” You stood in the open doorway. Non-music students weren’t allowed in here, but that had never stopped you. Someone had to drag him back home when it was getting too late, after all.

He ran a hand through his hair, hoping that he looked casual enough. “Hey.”

“Everything okay?” The door slowly fell shut behind you, and you stepped a little closer to him. “It’s been a while.”

Three weeks, but who’s counting? Jisung was. He kept counting day by day, hour by hour, trying to whittle down the time further and further until he was strong enough to face you again. “I’ve been busy,” he half-lied. “That’s all.”

“Is it?” You frowned, making your way over to the nearby chair. “If you want me to leave, you can tell me, okay? I’m worried about you.”

Jisung let out a sigh, nodding. “I’m okay. Just…” He looked at the piece he’d been working on, and thought back to the song he’d been writing for you. “I’ve been working on a song sometimes. But…” He looked at you. Maybe you’d have the answer he was still searching for. “What would you do if you loved someone you shouldn’t?”

“Like… forbidden love?” You tilted your head curiously, frowning. “Or…?”

He chuckled, actually smiling again for the first time in a while. Oh, how he was still so endeared to you. No wonder you were still in your literature program with cute thoughts like those. “Just someone you can’t be with. Like…” He hummed to himself. It would be another lie, but it’d throw you off his trail if you were starting to figure him out. “A friend’s partner.”

He could see the way you started to think on that, no doubt making a list of all the friends the two of you had that were dating. It’d vex your brain for a bit, sure, but Jisung didn’t mind. He liked the cute way your brows drew together when you were thinking hard, lips always pressing into this pout.

“That’s what my song is about is all,” he said. “I haven’t experienced it myself,” he lied again, “but I was thinking about it and I wondered what kind of song that would turn into. It’s about someone who’s in love with their friend’s partner, and struggling with those feelings. Like… They wouldn’t do anything to hurt their friend, but they still can’t help their feelings.”

You said nothing to him. Had he said too much? You were figuring him out, weren’t you…?

“I just think it’s hard to live that life,” he said. Every time he even thought about you, there was an ache in his chest. Felix liked you, too. “I mean… Imagine loving someone so much that it hurts.”

“I can, yeah.” Your voice had gone a little quieter than usual. Right. Had you felt that way about Felix…? Or were you talking about him now? Jisung struggled more with that one, even though Hyunjin was so confident that Jisung’s feelings had never been one-sided.

He met your gaze a minute later, shy to look into your eyes again. He’d always loved the color of your eyes. If he could write songs about how he wanted to drown in their warm, loving gaze, he would. But that was straying a little too far into territory he’d sworn away from. “I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I wanted time to figure things out, but… I think Minho would tell you I haven’t talked to most people lately.”

You nodded. “Chris said the three of you went out to a noraebang.” Your toes tapped against the floor in that nervous way, as though this was a topic you shouldn’t even come close to. “Did that help?”

Wait… You weren’t mad at him for that. “It doesn’t bother you?”

“No?” You toyed with your sleeve, not quite meeting his gaze this time. “I mean… It did sting a little bit, but if you needed Chris and Minho, then I can’t change that. All I can do is just kinda hope that they helped you.”

He didn’t deserve you. Fuck the music for now, he’d finished what he really needed to do. He began to shut down the equipment, gathering his things as he stood up, facing you. “I’ll buy dessert,” he said. “Is that okay?”

it was your turn to smile at him, lighting up his world all too easily. You followed him out of the studio, and he secured the door shut to make sure it was locked. For a moment, his hand brushed against your own, and he yearned to hold it. Another feeling he would have to get used to, he was sure. But all he could do was smile at you, thankful that you were right there by his side for the first time in weeks.

This would be hard, but he could do it. He wasn’t going to lose you again. Not if he had anything to do with it.

Hyunjin had shown up to his apartment for once, and he stood in the doorway to his bedroom. “Jisung. Tell them.” His hand curled around the strap of his bag, clutching it tight. “Soon.”

Minho had told him the same thing ever since the two of you started talking again. If Jisung didn’t want to pursue you, then it was time he learned to let you go. And if he did want to become something with you, then he needed to talk to you. It wasn’t fair to either of you if he held onto this dream of loving you without ever trying. If Jisung couldn’t let himself do it, then why keep hurting himself by holding onto it so tightly? Why not find a new dream to pursue, a new person to love wholeheartedly? Yet Jisung couldn’t imagine a world where he wasn’t loving you in some way. Part of his heart would live and die with you one day, no matter how far away he went. This was his fate now.

“I just got our friendship back,” he said without looking up again. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Jisung, they like you.” Hyunjin said it outright. “So you need to tell them.”

Jisung looked up. He knew you liked him. But would he ever let himself fully believe it? It felt… harder to grasp that reality. He’d spent so long telling himself that it was all in his head, that the tender look in your eyes was just you caring for him as a best friend. But Hyunjin was right. Minho had been right. Everyone who had ever told him to just go for it was right. “Hyunjin, I don’t know if I can—”

“I’m tired of watching my friends hurt,” he said. “All of us see it. Why can’t you?”

Jisung swallowed hard. “What about Felix?”

Hyunjin averted his gaze, frowning. “Felix…” He took a deep breath. “Felix would want you to be happy, Jisung. He knows, too, you know.” He took a step back. “I’m not going to push you. But you should tell them.”

He said nothing else, and soon Hyunjin left him there. Jisung shut the world out again, listening to his song as it played back to him again. One step closer. Once he finished this song, everything would be okay.

Chris Bang had always been your best friend growing up before Jisung took that title away from him. He was an older brother to you in every way except blood, and that meant he was the one who would have the hard talks with you. He’d come home with your favorite takeout in hand, setting it on the dinner table before saying he’d change out of his work clothes quickly. But you knew what was coming. There were only two reasons that Chris would buy your favorite takeout on his way home from work. You weren’t upset, which meant it was time for an adult conversation. One that you wouldn’t want to have, but needed to. Soon enough, Chris had sat across from you, having poured your drink first.

“So I think we should talk about how you’re in love with Jisung,” Chris said as he set down the bottle. “Okay?”

You stared at him, already feeling tears well up. Everyone knew, then. If Chris knew, then there was no way the others hadn’t figured it out. “Chris…”

“It’s okay.” He took your hand in his own. It was time for the two of you to dump your feelings onto the table and sort them out right then and there together. “Let’s talk about this, okay? No more running away.”

No more running away. You breathed in deep, and slowly exhaled. Where to begin…? You weren’t sure. So much of your life had become this huge mess over the past few months, and now all those strings were tangled so tightly together that you weren’t sure you could undo the knot.

So Chris squeezed your hand before letting go, turning his attention to the bag of takeout in front of you. “I know you,” he said. “So I know you didn’t want to hurt Felix, and I know that you still don’t. But… I think it’s time you put your feelings first for once.”

“Chris…” You frowned. “It feels too soon.”

“I kinda hate saying it, but we all know now. Felix included.” He set your plate in front of you, and didn’t touch his own. All he did was watch you, waiting for you to say or do anything further. When you didn’t, he decided to continue on, “You can’t tell me that you don’t want to act now because of Felix. I asked everyone and they all said the same thing: they thought you’d liked Jisung for a while before you and Felix dated. After that, they all thought that you two were just that close.”

“We are.”

Chris shook his head, saying your name gently this time. “You know Jisung loves you, right?”

There was a spike of pain in your chest. Not because you didn’t, but because you did. Hyunjin had all but spelled it out for you before, but seeing Jisung again that day proved it. You’d always thought you were just believing in something that wasn’t there, too afraid to toe the line between friend and more. Tears lined your eyes now, and finally ran down your cheeks as you blinked. All you could do was nod now.

Chris already reached up to wipe away your tears. “It’s okay!” He chuckled. “You’ve gotten so soft,” he teased. “But… Why did you never tell him?”

“I was scared.” You still were, to be fair. “I didn’t know for sure before, and… Now I just don’t want to hurt Felix. I don’t think Jisung does, either.”

His gaze softened so much. Of course the two of you were still thinking of Felix. Minho had said the same thing to Chris, actually. “Felix wants you to be happy,” he said. “All of us do. If that means being with Jisung, then that’s what you should do. Felix is an adult, you know. He might be more sensitive sometimes, but he’d never hold any of this against you.” He cupped your cheek gently. “And I really, really don’t think he’d want to be the reason you two never tried.”

You could believe that easily. If Felix knew, he’d feel guilty. That you knew as fact.

“And if I’m being honest… I don’t think he’s the only reason you haven’t tried.” He pulled his hand away from your face. “So… Talk to me. What’s really stopping you?”

No running away. “What if this doesn't work out and I lose Jisung for good?”

“There’s no guarantee that will happen,” Chris said.

“There’s no guarantee we’ll work out, either.” You frowned. “I’ve heard horror stories of friends who tried to date and it ruined everything.”

“And there’s friends who managed to go back to being friends,” Chris said. “I really think that you two wouldn’t let it tear you apart. You’ve already been through so much, you know?”

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat. The last thing you ever wanted was to lose Jisung again. If the two of you didn’t work out, how hard would you fight for him? Would he fight for you, too…?

“The most you’ll ever have to do is get space from each other,” Chris said. “But I think you’d come back to each other.”

“I think he’s my soulmate.” You hadn’t thought before you said it, the words bursting out of you all too easily. Regardless of whether that was platonically or romantically, Jisung was someone you wanted to keep in your life forever. “But…”

“But?”

“Isn’t it too soon?” You frowned at Chris. “I mean… Felix and I—”

“If you don’t go for it now, when will you?” Chris held your hand again. “If you aren’t ready to tell him, I won’t push you to do it. Just because you confess doesn’t mean you have to rush into a relationship—it just means you’re finally being honest with each other. Go at your own pace… But don’t hold back because of everyone else, okay?” He squeezed your hand reassuringly. “The only people in this relationship would be you and Jisung. So don’t include anyone else in this decision, okay?”

With a nod, you decided to commit to giving yourself three days. One day to make up your mind for sure on whether this was the right move to make. If you were going to confess to Jisung, then you wanted to do it sooner rather than later. The second day was to figure out how you were going to tell him. Over cheesecake, or in through a song, or in the park… You still had to figure that part out, and you would. It needed to be special.

And the third day was going to be the day you told him.

On the rooftop of Jisung’s apartment was a community garden. It brought a little greenery into the city, and it was nice to see the plants that several people often tended to— fresh herbs that Minho would sometimes pick with permission to use when he cooked, a few tomato plants that he often saw people tending to, Things that he didn’t fully understand the care of himself, but he still appreciated the efforts put into it. It was a nice space to sit and think alone sometimes, most of his friends unaware of just how often he’d come up here. He could see so much of the city here, too. He was just one person in this great big city—in the world, even, if he let his mind wander that far. And yet he’d found significance through the people he loved, in the passions he pursued.

He’d finished his song for you late last night, and now he was left with this hollow feeling. He’d told himself over and over that this song would be it: one last thing he’d dedicate to you, and then he’d move on. But… That wasn’t how it was going to work at all. Han Jisung knew a few things now. He loved you. You loved him. The only question he had left was how to tell you.

Maybe he should have written you a love song instead. Then he’d have something, at least.

He’d brought a drink out here with him, settling at the picnic table. He used to bring you up here sometimes, stealing away from the world for a while to just exist with you. You’d share drinks together, and a few times you’d ended up rained on. Now, he just lost himself to the playlist he’d been listening to, head bobbing along to the music. He could bring you here and confess to you at sunset. Would that be romantic? He didn’t care for it being a grand gesture, as long as it was something memorable. All he wanted was a gesture that told you that he was sorry but ready to face tomorrow at your side, if you would let him be there.

The door to the rooftop had this awful screech that he could hear through his headphones. He opened his eyes, reaching to pull them around his neck and politely greet whoever had come up here. And it was as if you’d heard his thoughts, because there you stood in the golden rays of the day.

“Hey.” The door had slowly swung shut behind you as you made your way over to him.

He shyly smiled at you. “Hi.” Now it was his turn to ask: “Is everything okay?”

You nodded, coming to the edge of the table. “I think we should talk about us.”

“Us?” His heart almost skipped a beat at that. Did you…?

Oh. You knew.

“It’s nothing bad,” you had said to him, as if it could put him at ease now. “But…” You rounded the table, throwing one leg over the bench he’d been sitting on. Instead of sitting normally, you chose to straddle it, just so you could fully face him.

So he matched you, throwing one leg out and turning to fully face you. “But?”

“I’m in love with you,” you said, voice wavering ever so slightly now. “And… And you’re in love with me.” You’d begun to drum your knuckles against the wooden bench. “And… And I don’t know why neither of us said anything sooner.”

Jisung stared at you, face growing warmer. His gut instinct was to deny it, to push his feelings away. But Hyunjin’s words rang out in his head: he was tired of seeing his friends hurt. Everyone was now.

“I really wanna be honest with you, so…” You took a deep breath, shutting your eyes for just a moment to center yourself. “Hyunjin thought I was using Felix to get over you, and… I just wanted to say that I promise I wasn’t. I really did like Felix, but…”

“I didn’t think you were,” Jisung’s voice was soft, and he reached for your hands. His fingertips grazed your knuckles before he pulled his hands away. Was touching you, even in such a tiny way, too much? “I knew you liked him.”

You nodded slowly. “Good. Because…” You’d grown flustered, averting your gaze. “I.. didn’t know that it’d always be you until I kissed him.”

That time, the world seemed to stop around him. It’d… always be him? “What?” His fingers curled around the edge of the bench. “I don’t understand. What do you—”

A moment later, your eyes met his own. “I think I’ve been looking for you in every person I’ve tried dating, and that’s why it’s never worked out.” He’d already begun to melt, but you continued on, “If you didn’t love me back, then I think maybe one day I would have moved on. But… If you don’t, then tell me, and we can pretend this conversation never happened.”

He shook his head. The last thing he wanted was to pretend he didn’t love you. Yet something ached in his chest. Felix. Even now, all he could think about was how Felix would hurt once he knew the two of you were something. “I… I want to,” he said, voice softer now. “But what about Felix?”

“Would you hesitate if Felix didn’t like me?”

He shook his head. Never. He swallowed hard, his emotions building in his chest. He’d dreamed of a day like this for so long, always pining over you night after night. He dreamed of kissing you, warm and tender, and saying all the pretty things that came to mind. And now that you were in front of him, he couldn’t help but glance at your lips again. Not yet. “I…” He paused, just to gather himself together. “I didn’t think you’d love me, you know.”

You frowned at him. “Why not?”

“You’re you,” he said. “And… And I wasn’t sure if you’d ever like me like that. I’ve always known you liked me, but love is… different.” The paint chips from the bench were flaking onto his fingers now, the same shade of red as your sweater. As his, too. “I know Felix is hurting now, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I thought it would, but…”

“I get it.” You nodded slowly. “I… I also kinda thought things would change. But if everyone wants us to be happy, then I think we’re the only people standing in our way.”

He didn’t want to. Not anymore. Jisung reached forward, this time keeping his hands over your own. “I think we should stop that,” he said, voice growing quieter. His eyes had grown wetter, tears brimming the edges, and reached up to wipe them away. “Sorry—I’m getting emotional.”

“It’s okay.” You scooted forward a little, and Jisung felt his heart begin to race. You were so close he could kiss you. He wanted to kiss you. You reached up, caressing Jisung’s face. He already leaned into your touch, eyes fluttering shut for a moment as he savored the feeling. Your hands were so warm, even now. “I think I’ll always love Felix the way I love the rest of our friends. But… I love you more, Jisung. I know it’s early to say it, but… I really think it’s you.”

He opened his eyes, taking in the way the golden rays of the sun were kissing your face. Was it wrong to be a little jealous? Again, his eyes flickered down to your lips for just a second. “Can I kiss you?”

You said the only word he needed, and he leaned in to close the space between the two of you. His nose had brushed against yours for a moment, already smiling before his lips met your own. Your lips were so soft, and his hands found a home at your waist after a moment. He’d always wondered what kissing you would be like, and now it felt as though he’d finally woken up from the longest dream in his life. His eyes fluttered shut as he lost himself in this moment with you.

He’d heard stories before of what it was like to kiss someone after so much pining, after so many trials in the way. People talked of having their breath stolen from them, or being unable to breathe from how surreal it all seemed to be. Yet when he kissed you, it was as though he could finally breathe again. He had resurfaced after drowning in so much self doubt and fear for far too long, and kissing you was living. Yet he knew that if he was given the choice to drown in you, he would have done it without a second thought. As much as you’d given him life with only a kiss, filling his lungs with air, he’d follow your siren song to the depths of the ocean all too eagerly if it meant he could taste this feeling once more. You ran a hand through his hair, and he was already intoxicated by you, his body yearning for your touch more than ever before. Yet when he pulled away, something had plucked his heartstrings one by one. He let out that broken, stuttered breath that always served as a precursor for him crying. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he gazed at you, trying to commit every part of this moment to memory.

“Jisung?” You were concerned for him even after kissing him, and he wanted to laugh. To cry. To kiss you again. “Are you okay?”

He nodded, his hands finding your own all too easily. “I love you, too.” He’d always love you. Whatever part of his heart you had, it was yours to keep regardless of where this went. “I think it’s you for me, too.”

By the time the two of you had made it back inside, the sun had set, and Jisung had held onto your hand tightly the entire way to his apartment. He’d given up his bed for you in the past already, he’d happily do it again to make sure you had a proper night of sleep. Maybe one day he would fall asleep next to you and memorize every line and blemish on your face, but not tonight. Kissing you and saying those three little words he’d always wanted to hear you say was plenty for one day. Yet he’d kissed you one last time as he left you at his bedroom door, just to kiss you goodnight.

“Jisung?” You’d called to him as he made his way to the couch, and he’d turned to face you one more time. “Dream of me.”

Oh. Oh. His heart had skipped a beat yet again at you. This was his new reality, wasn’t it? He found himself smiling at you, that same shy, pretty smile you’d later tell him you always wanted to kiss. He’d dream of you every night if it meant he could wake up to you, too. Tonight would be the end of strife and stress and strain from not telling you how he felt. Now he had to make up for so much lost time.

And if that meant that, starting tomorrow, he would tell you exactly what you meant to him, then he’d do it. That was what you deserved, after all, and what he did, too.

taglist: @twancingyunhao @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @laylasbunbunny @jinnie-ret @cheesemonky

#wooahaes.fic #skz imagines #han jisung x reader #han jisung x you #stray kids angst #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #skz x you #stray kids imagine #skz fics #stray kids fics #han x reader #han x you #skz angst

156 notes · View notes

itsgrimeytime · 1 month

Text

drunk on you (part one) || Rick Grimes (TWD) × gn!reader (no apocalypse!AU)

rick grimes taglist: @golden-hoax @mgparker

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Summary: You'd known Rick forever, as far back as freshman year. He was a guy you (if you were honest) had a crush on; there was just something in his stance and the low drawl of his voice. You'd say that feeling only got worse from there. Before you could blink, he was married and had a kid; and suddenly, despite your best efforts, you felt very out of place. You faded out of his life, and he yours. So when Rick shows up at your door (drunk out of his mind) about 5 years after the last time you spoke to him, you have a lot of questions.

TWs: mentioned infidelity (Shane and Lori), strained relationships, loss of friendship, mentioned pregnancy (Judith), divorce, alcohol, mention of gunshot wounds, and shameless flirting.

[[A/N: y'all remember when he was drunk that one time? this is built off of that. also no apocalypse, just normal life. Enjoy :))]]

A long time ago, you met Rick Grimes.

He wasn't the kind of teen that was awkward, like maybe his arms were too long for his body -no. Rick Grimes was broad-shouldered and built like he was on the football team -even though you weren't exactly sure he was. Shane Walsh, his best friend, was the same -both unbelievably picturesque. You were a human then, so you'd had a thing for Rick, but then again, every single person in that school did.

And one day, he approached you with a grin, "Apparently you're really good at this?"

You tutored him, and your friendship just spiraled from there. The two of them became a trio, and despite insistent Shane's flirting (not that he meant any of it), your heart stayed consistent.

Even throughout college (or the police academy for them), they would come onto your campus for lunch -always stealing bits and pieces of yours. You could clearly remember meeting Rick's eyes over the table and your heart flipping in your chest; before he could notice though, you'd flick a piece of your lunch at him. He'd laugh then, and you'd move on.

They were there with you through life, boyfriends (who they often threatened to 'take care of'), heartbreaks, and failures.

You weren't there when he met Lori, but you were there when he introduced her to the group. She was picturesque beauty, just like him and Shane were picturesque handsome -they suited each other really well.

That day, you'd been strained and Shane could tell -he kicked up the flirting to a hundred, and you spent the whole time pushing him off and cussing him out. You didn't tell him, not verbally, but you knew he knew. And you trusted him not to tell.

Even when they got married, your lips stayed sealed. You were at the wedding actually, it had been a day you couldn't decide on. Half the day you were happy for your friend, and the other half, you felt like your heart had been stomped into the ground. You cried in the bathroom a few times, and Shane hovered close by.

He seemed to understand your pain a little too much, but you never got the courage to ask.

You were still trying, though, and had honestly become friends with Lori but you still felt your grasp on the group loosen. They were leaps ahead of you, both Shane and Rick in stable jobs -making their way up, and Rick and Lori married-

You just weren't there yet. And you didn't know how long it would take. Especially since all you could see in your head about the future was Rick. And that wasn't fair to Lori and you knew that but you couldn't stop-

And then, Lori was pregnant.

That was probably the last straw for you.

It wasn't that you stopped showing up, not really. You still came to the baby shower with cute, little baby booties and a bet on a boy. You even met Carl, and he helped. You could distract yourself with him, and every time you visited, you did just that. Lori and Rick would talk to Shane, and you would be lost in playing with Carl.

You stayed until he was three.

Rick had suddenly got the notion -you always knew he was attentive, but you'd never dreamed of this.

"I can tell somethin' is wrong with ya," he had said, hands sturdily on your arms, "-I'm 'ere if ya need me, you know that, right?"

You stopped being as vocal when you met up -trying to hide it all away, all it did was make Rick watch you more. So, you started leaving early and being busy -working yourself to the bone.

As time passed, naturally, they stopped inviting you. Your life shifted, and you moved out of town for your dream job -a fresh start. None of them knew that, and even though you could've said something, you were eager for a do-over.

Maybe this time you wouldn't fall in love with a married man, you thought to yourself.

And even though it was a joke, it hurt. You weren't sure that it ever wouldn't.

That brings you to now, at your apartment in a different city -eating some food you randomly pulled out of your pantry. It was late, and realistically, you should've been sleeping but the show that was on actually caught your attention. You'd let it slide and probably hate yourself in the morning.

Just as another revelation made its way onto your screen (might've been someone cheating on someone else? you weren't really following), you heard a noise.

You stiffened, raising an eyebrow -what the hell?

Patiently waiting, you heard it again -more incessant.

Knocks, you realize, someone was knocking at your door.

Flashing the time on your phone, 1:06 am, you frowned. There was no way anyone you knew was at your door at this hour; it was probably just some weirdo-

The knock came back and this time it was much louder, a pounding even.

You startled for a minute, before standing and making your way to the door -slowly, and keeping a foot propped against it, just in case. You lived in the city, this could really be anybody.

Instead, when you opened the door, you were met with a familiar face -your neighbor a few doors down. She was an older lady, sweet, but she certainly did not look sweet then.

"Do you know him?"

You hadn't even noticed at first, but her fist was clutching hard against the white t-shirt of someone -you shifted slightly to try and see them better.

And when you did...

"Rick?" You asked with disbelief layered in your tone -this could not be real.

"So, you do," she exhaled, letting him go.

He promptly turned to you, and you could just immediately tell he was wasted. He had that flush on his face, and the gleam in his eye you'd seen before at college parties.

Rick's blue eyes fell on you and he grinned real bright, mumbling out, "Y/N! 'S good to see you. I was lookin' for ya-"

"He's been knocking on every door on this floor for 30 minutes," she all but seethed, "-apparently, I'm the only one who answered."

With a breath, your mind spinning -you grabbed Rick's shoulder and pulled him inside.

"Thank you, Beatrice, really," you smiled, apologeticly, "-I'm so sorry he woke you up."

She waved you off, disappearing down the hall.

At that, you locked the door behind you and spun on your heel -determined to make sure this was real. That Rick Grimes was in your living room.

Sure enough, he stood by your couch -a little wobbly. He actually nearly fell but caught himself on the back of the couch.

"Alright, cowboy," you sighed, rushing over to move him to sit, "-Let's get you settled, yeah?"

Rick was putty in your hands as you pulled him onto the couch -body moving only when you forced it to. He smiled at you, big and beautiful, when you stepped back -and you hate to say it made your heart flutter. It was all coming back now, you needed to focus-

"Where 'ave you been?" He asked, and it was slurred, "-Haven't seen you in forever, ya know?"

"Rick, hey," you sat across from him on the coffee table, "-Why are you here? How do you even know where I live?"

"Shane told me," he hiccups, whole body jolting, "-told me ta come find ya. And I-"

He paused for a second, like he couldn't remember.

"I came to see you," he answered, before flashing another smile. He was always a happy drunk.

"Right," you said -not buying it. Had Shane just ditched him in the city? If so, why were they here?

And why did he ditch him in the first place?

You huffed out a breath and pulled out your phone -darting through your contacts. Your finger hovered over it for a second (just a moment of doubt), and pressed it.

It rang for a few minutes, before just going to voicemail.

Frowning, you scrolled back up, skimming again for a different name: Lori. You hoped she would answer, and she should. Her husband has gone missing, assumedly? Yeah, she should be concerned.

And again, it rang for a few minutes and then went to voicemail. ('Hey, this is Lori. Sorry I'm busy right now, but I'll get back to you.')

You huffed out a breath, what the hell?

You knew it was late, but her husband had just shown up at your door -blackout drunk. Did she even know he was out? Was Shane even the one who brought him here?

Rick leaned forward and you placed a hand to keep him upright instinctively. You pursed your lips, debating on how exactly to handle this.

"Rick?" He perked up at your voice, "-Where are Lori and Carl? Are they close?"

He frowned for a moment, before throwing himself back against the couch -you made sure he stayed sat up, "Carl goes wit' Lori on the weekends."

"Goes?" You questioned, you knew you hadn't been present for five years, but it seemed like his whole life had changed -you didn't dare assume, "Rick, are you and Lori not married anymore?"

"No," he scoffed, almost in defense, "-broke up a long time ago. You didn't kno' 'at?"

You swallowed, some sort of mix of shock and disbelief brewed up your throat: so her drunk ex-husband showed up at your door.

There was something in your chest, a little flame in your heart. You were ridiculous, happy about a divorce between some of your previously close friends? God, you were reaching new lows.

Well, wasn't like you could do anything else, so you stood up -grabbing a cup from your kitchen and filling it with water. Rick, thankfully, stayed in his spot on the couch -eyes following you as you walked back over to him.

"You're pretty," he slurred, "-always thought 'at, never said it."

Your heart jumped in your throat, focus, Y/N. He's drunk.

You shook your head, and found your place on the coffee table again, holding out the cup. When his hand extended, he wobbled a bit more and you let out a long sigh.

"Okay, fine," you muttered, scooting closer, "-open up."

He was still surprisingly obedient, sipping the water as you held it to his lips. His eyes, though, stayed focused on you -blue eyes barely blinking. It made you want to fidget in your seat, but you decidedly ignored it. Focus, focus.

With half the glass gone, you were satisfied. Pulling the cup back and sitting it beside you, his eyes did not waver -you were starting to get a little flustered now. Standing to go get a blanket and container (for any... accidents), you were stalled in place.

His fingers wrapped around your wrist -calloused and long, your brain short circuited a bit.

"Rick, why-"

"Even prettier now," he laughed out, grinning, "-thought ya was pretty th'n, but you're even prettier now! How did ya do 'at?"

Swallowing the skip of your heart, you pulled your hand out of his grasp and continued your walk. Shaking out your hands and exhaling a big breath, you stepped out of the closet with the goods and back toward the couch.

"Look," you started, shaking the container in your hand, "-this is where you throw up, okay? Not on my floor."

"Aye, aye," he grinned.

You rolled your eyes, but something you had missed him -even just as a friend. You'd lost him as a friend too, and that probably hurt more than anything. He was your rock and then, he was gone.

Blinking back the fog of your eyes, you set him up in the recliner -pulling his feet up and throwing the blanket over him. It was your extra one, a soft throw blanket, and wasn't long enough to cover his feet. Which, now that you noticed still had his shoes on them.

You let out another long sigh, before beginning to untie the laces.

"Shane told me 'at ya loved me," he said suddenly as if it was a realization and you stilled where you sat. Your breath stuttering in your chest, you focused on the laces for a moment.

"Why did he tell you that?"

Rick sighed, tilting his chin up to look at the ceiling, "Asked 'im 'bout ya, why ya left. If he knew anythin'."

You flinched, something in your chest sinking. He would've been sober then, that wasn't something you just brought up drunk. But, why were they even talking about you? Did they still do that? After all these years?

Feeling guilty, you stayed silent.

Rick didn't say anything else, oddly quiet, and when you looked up, you saw him fast asleep. Eyes fallen shut and head tilted all the way to the left, he looked like quite the picture. You laughed, a tiny one just to yourself.

Maybe, if he woke up and left tomorrow without saying a word -this visual could hold you over for a while. It reminded you of when you guys were the closest, before you started... drifting away.

You swallowed, tears burning the backs of your eyes -not letting them fall. You'd cried over this too many times.

Taking a deep breath in and one last look at Rick, you disappeared to your room. The comfort and familiarity of it made you feel a lot better, but if you focused you could hear the gentle hum of Rick's breathing. A reminder that he was there, that this wasn't all some bizarre dream.

Changing into pajamas, your eyes flickered over some old photos up on your walls -your friends, all smiling and happy. You, Rick, and Shane -sometimes even Lori. It was filled with other things like your diploma and degree, family photos, little souvenirs, and just pictures you'd taken of places you'd been.

Rick looked the same as then, just a little more built. A little sturdier, and more confident in himself; kind of like he knew his place or had found it.

He didn't need you.

You shook the thought from your head and headed to bed -flicking out the lamp on your nightstand and forcing everything within you to sleep.

Waking up the next morning, you realized you forgot to get the Tylenol out for Rick. So with reluctance (it was your day off), you pulled yourself out and dug through your drawers to find it. It was quiet, so you assumed, he was still asleep. You would be if you could've.

Instead, however, when you roamed to your bedroom door -you were stalled still. Rick was up, silently looking at your wall with intense focus. Those pictures were of you, some with new work friends, with your family, with just pretty sights you'd seen; it was all you. He was staring a bit like he was in an art museum and your photos were the most fascinating piece he'd ever seen.

Your heart sped up in your chest.

Clearing your throat, he spun to you and you for a second forgot how to speak because those eyes were very clearly aware -skipping all over you like he couldn't believe you were real. You were a little embarrassed you were in your pajamas, suddenly.

Blinking and clearing your head, you spoke -a little awkwardly, "I got you some medicine to help with the... the headache."

Rick pushed his lips together, almost like he wasn't sure what to do -hands grabbing at each other, and rocking a little on his feet. It was like he wanted to say something or do something, but he just couldn't find the words or maybe the will.

He laughed, a little nervously, "Thanks, I... I'm not sure what to say."

You swallowed, before deciding to say, "You don't have to say anything, I get it. You were stranded, you were drunk out of your mind. I'm glad to help. Really."

"Stranded?" He questioned, and you wordlessly handed him the medicine -hands brushing against his. You ignored it.

"Well, yeah," you said, now a little uncertain, "-I can't imagine your visit was planned. I... You said Shane told you to come here, so I assumed he ditched you somewhere. Because he would, if given the chance."

Rick laughed a little at the private knowledge of your friend but there was something strained there -hidden. You weren't sure if you should ask.

"Look," you exhaled, "-I'm not going to poke and prod. I know I've... missed somethings but that's nobody's fault but mine. So-"

Rick seemed to look at you a type of way then, and your mind chimed that 'he knew'.

"I'm not going to ask you anything," you finished, wringing your hands -keeping them busy, "-you don't... you don't have to tell me anything either. I... Yeah."

"Why not?" He offered, and you could tell somehow he was a little disheartened -it made guilt curl up in your stomach.

"It's been five years," you laughed, incredulously, "-I kind of stopped talking to you, Shane, and Lori without warning."

He seemed to flinch slightly at the names, and you had another worried thought -trying to read him ever-so-slightly, "I didn't reach out to ya either."

"That's not-"

"In fact, I remember we stopped invitin' ya," Rick clarified, stepping closer.

"Only because I wasn't showing up," you countered, "-or I was leaving early, or wasn't really... there."

He hummed a little, and you could tell he was processing it all.

"I just, I'm sorry," you finally said, "-I had a lot going on then, and I felt like... That doesn't matter, I'm just sorry for everything."

Something passed through his eyes then, and you thought maybe it was understanding. He knew of your... thing, and he wasn't stupid. You knew he could connect the dots, you just hoped he wouldn't say anything about them. You couldn't handle that.

"It matters," he responded, slowly, "-Ya know, I tried... I tried to see you after we stopped invitin' ya, and your place was up for rent. Door was locked, but I asked the neighbors and they said you'd been gone for months."

You didn't think that he would come looking for you, any of them really. Your paths in life had just diverted and you thought it was a clean break, but... it wasn't. Rick was worrying about you through it all.

Before you could voice anything more, he continued, "They didn't even know where ya went."

I looked for you went unsaid. Your stomach tossed with guilt, a heavy feeling in your gut. It was for the best, but he didn't quite know that.

Well, he did actually. He knew exactly why you had disappeared, so why was he talking about this? Did he want to... Did he want to hear it from you? Confirm it?

Did he not believe it?

You sighed, clearing your throat, "I just needed a fresh start. I was... I was struggling there, and needed someplace new."

"Why didn't ya talk to me?"

God, you were getting into this now. You really, really did not want to. Maybe you could just-

"I would've," he started, slow, and something in him read as guilty, "-I would've done what I could to help."

"Rick," you exhaled, "-I know that. But what was happening then... couldn't be helped. It was something I had to navigate on my own."

"But-"

"Look, Rick," you cleared your throat, "-that was a long time ago, and I feel like all we're doing is dredging up old feelings. That I really..."

You trailed off, eyes getting foggy, before centering yourself and clearing your throat, "Just know, I had a reason, a good reason to leave you guys. I maybe didn't do it right, but I did it how I had to."

Rick was looking at you like you were a shining gem, precious; like the world was a storm and he wanted to shelter you, protect you from it. You weren't sure how to process that, so you just decided not to then.

He seemed to pause for a moment, before asking, gently, "What exactly did I tell ya last night?"

"Only a little," you clarified, "-uh, Shane told you to come here, and that you and Lori... um, aren't together anymore."

"Nothing else?"

You sighed, voice catching in your throat, "I really don't want to do this, Rick."

"Do what?" He asked, brow quirked.

"I've already-" you clenched your fingernails into your palms, "Okay, I know what Shane said to you. You told me last night, okay? We don't have to talk about it."

"I want to," he spoke, stepping closer.

You groaned, "Why? Why does it matter?"

"I just want to know-"

"If it's true?" You interrupted, before letting out a long intake of breath, voice shaking -no time better than now, "-Because if that's what you want to know, I can answer it. Yes. Yes, it's true."

Rick seemed to pause for a moment, something smoothing through his eyes.

"I left because of it," you clarified, as well, answering all the questions he could ask, "-and I wasn't... I wasn't ever going to tell you."

The silence was overwhelming then, as you sucked in a breath and kept your eyes trained on the floor. Your heart beating so fast in your chest, it made your head go fuzzy -your legs felt a little weak. You must've wobbled a little, because-

"Woah," he rushed to your side, one hand holding your waist, "-c'mon, let's sit you down, sweetheart."

It was instinctual, the name, and it wasn't like it was the first time you'd heard it from him. But even so, it just confused you. Everything about Rick Grimes calmed you down, but everything about your feelings made you lose it. The balance was strung so tight, you didn't know how to react.

Now, he sat across from you on the coffee table, long legs bumping into your knees -one hand sturdily on your shoulder, trying to meet your eyes. He just wanted to see if you were okay.

"I'm fine," you breathed out -meeting his eyes, "-just. I'm fine."

Rick nodded, and hesitantly pulled his hand back -you could still feel the warmth sprouted there. It made your head swirl, and part of you wanted to scream your lungs out; you can't still feel it now, that's not fair.

"Can I tell ya something?"

"What is..." you pursued, "-something?"

"A story," he clarified, hands fidgeting, "-I told you 'bout me and Lori, I want to be more specific."

"Rick, you don't have to-"

He laid a hand on your knee, ever so slightly touching -it cut the words from your lips, "I want to."

You didn't say a word.

"Few years, after you left," he started, "-I got hurt on the job. Ended up in pursuit unprepared, and the guy got my shoulder."

His hand seemed to move to the shoulder on instinct, though the scar was hidden under the shirt. You wondered for a moment what it would look like, before washing the idea of his skin out of your brain.

"Shane still your partner? Or-" you rambled a little, "-I know you guys planned it like that."

"Yeah," he smiled, "-Shane was there, kept me awake. But I... I ended up in the hospital for about a year. Half in a coma, and the other half making sure I wouldn't go back into one-"

"Jesus Christ," you muttered out, instinctually.

"And that last day," he started, something in his voice tightening, and on instinct, your hand shot to his leg -comforting. His eyes lingered on it a bit too long, before he slowly placed his palm on top of your skin and gently flipped your hand over. Calloused fingertips wrapped around your hand, and suddenly, they were intertwined -out of his own volition.

You swallowed back the flutter of butterflies in your stomach, you're just comforting him, focus.

"Lori was pregnant," Rick sighed out, big and long -something in him hurt, but something far bigger past it. You could tell, he had processed a lot of this.

"But you were-"

Rick just looked at you then, thumb rhythmically rubbing the skin on the back of your hand.

Oh.

"Shane...?" You offered slowly, carefully.

He exhaled, shakily, and you squeezed his palm -his eyes lingering on it far too long again, "They'd been together for a while. Didn't tell me how long, but I could guess."

You frowned.

"I felt so... so betrayed, and alone-" he started, and there was something heavy in his voice then, "-all I could think about was you."

"Rick," you nearly cooed.

"If," he swallowed, looking up to stop the tears from coming out (you had the thought they weren't for the infidelity, not anymore), "-If you felt like this, and 'at's why you left. I just felt so..."

"That's not fair to yourself," you explained, "-you were going through something so different. I-"

"Was I?" He offered, "-Really? 'Cause I think it was the same sort of feelin'-"

"No, no," you responded, "-very different, Rick. You... You hadn't been kicked out of your own will, I... I was. I can't imagine what you went through."

"You kinda can," he hummed out, and you got the impression he was talking about your feelings. Sure, you'd been heartbroken for years but that was nothing compared to the betrayal he'd experienced.

"Rick, we never-" you cleared your throat before starting again, "-I never said anything. There was nothing built up like you were with Lori, the walls didn't crumble. It was just... me."

He seemed like he wanted to say something in particular to you then, but he seemed to swipe it out of his head. Like maybe he was waiting.

"They're gettin' married," he exhaled, and your heart froze, "-'s why I was 'ere. Shane's bachelor party."

"Jesus Christ, Rick, what the hell-"

"Don't worry 'bout me," he looked at you, straight in the eyes, "-I'm past it, really. Just... brings up a lot."

"I know, but still-" you hissed out, a little frustrated, "-maybe I can show up uninvited and spill wine on her dress. Ooh, or stomp on Shane's toes-"

Rick laughed then, and you felt something in your gut warm at the noise, even more, when you saw the smile slip across his lips. There was something in his eyes that was twinkling and warm, you couldn't quite name it but had seen it before.

"Shane told me a few years back," he suddenly spoke, eyes focused on you -you wanted to squirm a little in your seat.

"Told you what? About him and Lori?"

"No, that you..." he clarified, words stuttering to a stop. Something in your gut snapped, and words just started coming out.

"Look, Rick," you echoed, a little distantly, but meaning all the same, "-you don't have to pity me. I know it's been a long fucking time, since we were kids, but-"

His face seemed to slow, something in his mind, "Since we were kids?"

Shit.

"Forget that I said that," you cleared your throat, mind running a mile a minute and feeling the fluster crawl up your throat (you tried to pull away your hand but he kept it tight), "-please. This is embarrassing enough."

"It's not," he spoke, comforting, "-don't be embarrassed. I'm just... I'm shocked. I never knew 'at... as far as high school?"

You sighed, succumbing, "Before I even met you. I was a member of the school population, about 80 percent of those people were into you so-"

"Yeah, sure," he hummed, a little in disbelief, "-but you?"

You didn't know exactly what that meant or what to say to that. It almost seemed like he was saying that you were leagues above him which was... unbelievable to say the least.

"I didn't know you were an option," he mumbled out, "-at all. I thought..."

"You really can't be this surprised."

"I am!" He offered in response, and you absent-mindedly noticed that he was still holding your hand. You tugged at it but he still didn't let up.

"There were other tutors, ya know," Rick mumbled out, slow and in a barely-there whisper.

"Of course," you laughed, "-it's high school."

"I didn't," he started, fidgeting with your hand, grip still solid but he was playing with your fingers, "-I didn't actually need the tutoring."

"Why would you-"

"'Thought ya were cute," he offered, and you swallowed heavily -trying again to pull your hand away. Focus. What could you even focus on anymore?

"Rick, don't-" your voice shook, and you pulled your hand back finally, "-don't do that."

"Do what?" He questioned, big blue eyes and your stomach was twisted in knots. You couldn't do this, not now.

"There's no," you echoed out, standing up and taking steps away from him, "-there was no us, and it's been five years. You don't even know me anymore."

"I want to," he stood, matching your eyes -something in him nearly pleading, "-I really want to."

You took a shaky breath in, taking some more steps back, "Rick, your mind is not clear. Your ex-wife is marrying the man she had an affair with, you are just lonely. And I will not be wanted because... because you just want to feel loved."

"I'm not," he breathed, desperately like the oxygen was being sucked out of his lungs, "-Y/N, I'm not-"

"I won't," you repeated, your eyes getting foggy and voice shaky, "-I won't, Rick. That's not fair."

"Look at me, sweetheart," he was soft and gentle, stepping forward and tilting your face up with his hands, "-I'm not."

"You-"

"I've had years to... to process me and Lori," he explained, slow and patient, "-and a few months after 'at Shane told me. I've had years to... to process you."

"I don't-" you exhaled.

"'S all new to me, but-" He dropped his hands to yours -wrapping his around them, "-I know I feel somethin'. Felt somethin' even then, I just didn't... know it."

"Rick, please," you hummed out, "-I can't do this. I really can't. It's been years-"

"I came lookin' for ya for a reason," he continued, moving his head to match your eyes, "-Shane didn't just drop me off. I got drunk for courage, and I don't think either of us knew just how much."

"You were here for me? I thought you said-"

"'Is bachelor party was a few cities over," he explained, "-Shane recognized the city name, and we got a cab."

"That is so stupid," you chastised, "-is Shane still out there? You guys could've-"

"He called Lori," he quickly interrupted, trying to soothe you, "-Think she picked 'im up."

"You think?"

"No, okay, she did," he reassured, his hands coming to rest on your arms, "-I know I wouldn't 'ave left if she didn't."

"Good," your breaths slowed, "-okay."

"Y/N," he started again, and you just couldn't.

"No, don't-" you began, but then you looked at him. Really looked at him. He was looking at you so carefully, like if he said a wrong word, you'd disappear. Or maybe like he could hardly believe you were standing in front of him.

Maybe he really-

You pursed your lips, letting out a long sigh, "Okay, look. I'll make you a deal."

Rick raised an eyebrow but still seemed so very eager. Excited even, you bit back a smile.

"When's the wedding?" You asked, gears turning in your head.

"A few months from now," he answered, and you could tell he was a little confused -the furrow of his brow and quirk of his lip. He was still so much the same.

"If you," you held his hands between the two of you, "-if you still feel the same then, we'll talk."

"'At's-" he opened his mouth.

"Your best friend and ex-wife are getting married, Rick," you reiterated, "-you do not have a clear mind, I can't believe it. But if you, by some miraculous reason, do, your feelings shouldn't change."

He pursed his lips, something shadowing over his face, sighing, "Okay."

"Don't make that face," you groaned, "-what I'm saying is completely sensible."

"It is," he agreed before his features fell into something else, "-just didn't wanna wait anymore, I guess."

"You're not going to guilt me, Grimes."

His eyes twinkled -mischievously, settling into a blinding smile and throwing your hands down in defeat, "'S worth a try."

"Plus," you added, "-we can catch up on what we missed. Might be nice."

"Ya don't 'ave to convince me anymore," he laughed, "-I'm doin' it."

You smiled at that, and his only got brighter because of it. You schooled your racing heart back into place.

"Friends?" You offered your hand for a shake -expectantly.

He smiled then, it reached his eyes and was all crinkly, "Friends."

#its griming time #rick grimes #stuff n' thangs #rick grimes x reader #rick grimes x y/n #rick grimes x you #rick grimes x y/n fanfiction #drunk on you #rick grimes oneshot #rick grimes twd

210 notes · View notes

luvrsofbts · 1 year

Note

Hey can I request an angst FWB scenario with Yoongi or Jungkook like he's a complete fuckboy flirting with other girls in front of the reader and the reader ends things or ignores them you can decide the ending

It Ends With Us

Pairing: Fuckboy!Jungkook x Reader

Genre: fwb, angst, no happy ending

Warnings: heavily suggestive (18+), curse words, jungkook’s a jerk but also sooo at the same time smh

Summary: You two were just friends with benefits, so why did it get to you so much?

You remember the day when Jungkook proposed the idea of you two being friends with benefits. You were a stressed student in college and needed to let loose sometimes. Luckily, you had Jungkook, who you met in your freshman year of college, to help you out.

You were kind of unsure about the idea, Jungkook being the biggest fuckboy of the century, but he was also a close friend to you, so you trusted him. Plus, with the deal, he promised he wouldn’t get in other girl’s pants since he proposed the idea and wanted to be fair with you.

Jungkook wasn’t the type to get into serious relationships. He would dick someone down and then move onto another the next day. You admit that you blossomed a small crush on him when you two first met, but after knowing what he was like and having your friends tell you about his fuckboy life, you decided to leave it alone, not wanting to get hurt.

Now, here you were, watching Jungkook shamelessly flirt with another girl right in front at you. You don’t know how you ended up here. One minute you were studying with your friend, Taehyung, next thing you know you’re dragged to this party hosted by Jimin, a friend of Tae’s and Jungkook.

You didn’t think Jungkook would be here, after he specifically texted you at 6:18pm that he couldn’t grab fro-yo with you since he had a “family thing”. Now, you know what that “family thing” was.

“What the fuck,” You whispered to yourself as you saw the girl Jungkook was with, laughing and feeling all up on him and his muscles, Jungkook doing nothing about it rather than enjoying the attention he was getting and having a hand squeezed on her ass.

Has he been doing this behind your back for awhile? You don’t know why you got so heated. You two were just friends with benefits, so why did it get to you so much? Even though, Jungkook promised that he wasn’t going to get into other girl’s pants, and you were 101% sure he was going to get into the girl he was with, pants, tonight due to how close they were.

Walking away and grabbing a random cup in the kitchen, you bumped into the person who dragged you to this party, Taehyung.

“Hey, you good?” He slurred, clearly drunk out of his mind.

“Fine,” You gave a short answer, “Are you good?” You asked, your anger subsiding a bit, giggling as you saw what state he was in.

“Yeah, man. I’m so lit right now!” Tae laughed, throwing his hands in the air and swinging his hips side to side, “Are you sure you’re good though? I can sense you’re a bit upset right now,”

You’re not sure why you’re upset, to be honest. Jungkook was a fuckboy, you should’ve seen this coming. Guess you were just too lost in the moment.

“I’m okay, thank you for asking though. Now, let’s get you seated and some water,” Taking Taehyung by the hand, you squeezed past the tight crowd and finally got to the sofa. You didn’t realize that you were just a few seats away from Jungkook, too occupied with Tae and taking care of him.

“Stay here. I’m gonna go get you some water,” You shouted out to Tae over the loud music, which he just nodded in response, already falling asleep.

You stood up, turning around when you spotted Jungkook and the girl he was with, in a full on heated makeout. That quickly spiked up your anger, making you feel betrayed and lied to.

“What the fuck is this?!” You shouted to Jungkook, letting your emotions take over you.

He parted from the girl he was with, shocked to find you here. “Y/N, baby- what are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here? Mr “sorry babe, won’t be able to grab fro-yo with u. Got a family thing tonight. I’ll see u this wknd tho”. Why would you lie to me?” You continue to shout, feeling more and more anger bubble up inside of you.

“Jungkook, who is this?” The random girl ask, leaning into his side.

“Oh fuck off,”

“Y/N- stop. Why are you getting so worked up for?” Jungkook asked calmy, seeing no problem to this.

“So worked up for? What the fuck do you mean, Jungkook? You know we had a deal going on, yet here you are, sucking some other girl face,”

“Babe-”

“No, fuck you,” You spit, “And fuck you too,” You said to the girl before turning around and walking out of the party.

Walking home, you were overthinking like crazy. Why did you act that way to Jungkook? You didn’t like him, did you? No, you agreed on that a long time ago, so why did it hurt so bad to see him with another girl? Feeling embarrassed and tired, you decided to sleep these thoughts off, wanting to be at peace.

The next morning, you woke up to a spam of texts.

y/n ??

princess

i’m sorry

don’t ignore me pls

let’s meet up and talk

i messed up

i’m coming over

The last message was sent at 9:20am, and as you checked the time, it was now 9:32am.

Right as you got out of bed, you heard your doorbell ring with pounds on the door.

“Y/N?? Are you in there? Open up and let’s talk, please,” Jungkook said behind the door.

Once again, your emotions got to the best of you, resulting in you opening the door.

“Baby, I was worried sick about you,” He sighed in relief, attacking you in a tight hug.

Your arms stayed still, “What are you doing here, Jungkook?” You huffed, angry once again as you think about last night.

“I missed you. I also came to say I’m sorry. That girl means nothing to me, I promise,”

“Yeah, right. You also promised me that you wouldn’t be sticking your dick in other girls, yet what I saw last night proved me wrong,”

“C’mon, Y/N. You know you’re my only girl,” Jungkook whispered onto your skin as he started leaving small kisses down your neck.

“Fuck,” You softly moaned, closing your eyes and leaning back, exposing your neck more.

“Yeah, you like that, baby?” He smirked, leaving marks all over your neck as he slid his right arm under your shirt and started playing with your tits.

“N-no, Jungkook, we can’t,” You sighed in pleasure, trying to push him off.

“Shhh, just enjoy it,”

“N-no. Stop, Jungkook. Stop!” You shout, pushing him away from you.

“What the fuck is your problem?!” Jungkook raised his voice, breathing heavily.

“My problem?! What the fuck is yours? You can’t just makeout with some random girl at a party and then come to me the next day,” You glared at him.

“Well I’ve been doing it for awhile, what’s the problem now?”

You felt your breath get caught in your throat.

“No, you don’t mean that,” Tears started to form in your eyes, why were you going to start crying now?

“Yeah. I’m surprised you didn’t catch on,” He chuckled, shaking his head lightly.

Your whole body was shaking in anger at this point. You just wanted to slap the smirk off his pretty face.

“So, you were just using me? I thought you were my friend, Jungkook,”

“Oh, baby… you were just another girl,” Jungkook whispered as he took your face into his hands, that same smug smirk still plastered on his pretty face.

“Fuck you!” You shouted, pushing him away from you once again. “Get out! Get out and never talk to me again. You’re a fucking jerk!”

With that, Jungkook left, leaving you nothing but a broken heart.

625 notes · View notes

mephestopheles · 3 months

Text

Dear gods I love this season of d20. Junior year is just *chef's kiss* fantastic and full of so much anxiety. I keep thinking about Kristen and Cassandra and their relationship. Kristen from the first episode, or maybe the second after she met Helio has spent a lot of time with doubt as her constant companion. She didn't know if she was meant to be Helio's chosen, or that he was worthy of having a chosen. Her doubt led her to studying more, and opening up to philosophy and different points of view.

Creating Yes! was an attempt to find or create her own surety. How can she doubt a god that is just "yes!". But she still doubted, she still questioned everything.

This got long, the rest is under a cut!

And that makes sense, everything her family, her church told her was a lie. It was a perversion of truth to fit their ideals of who is Correct and therefore Good and Deserving, and those who are Wrong, and therefore Bad. And if the "bad kids" actually go out of their way to help people and don't judge anyone for their beliefs or punish others for their failings, then why are they considered "bad".

Of course finding a goddess of twilight and mystery and doubt, makes so much sense for Kristen. With the tools she learned from her friends, those "bad kids" to reach out and not judge, she saved Cassandra.

However, she hasn't saved herself. She's still lost in her own doubt. Tracker has left, amicably or not, that has hurt Kristen, and she's not innocent either. Kristen had a part to play in that relationship splitting, but she's definitely crumbling at this point.

What drew Kristen to Cassandra was her doubt, was her questioning. Her fear and her loss of all those connections that grounded her at the beginning of freshman year. And while Cassandra is correct, Kristen is not alone even in the dark, that Cassandra is there with her, holding her hand (which is such a good line, Brennan omg!) Kristen is having trouble believing in anything.

She believes in Cassandra. Full stop.

Kristen doesn't believe in herself. And she doesn't know why Cassandra believes in her.

It's that ADHD thing, where you feel like you're constantly fucking up in everyway and it's just a matter of time before you fuck up that this person is going to see how much you actually suck as a person. No matter how much you want to stop fucking up, subconsciously speed running it at least accomplishes two things. One) self sabotage gives you an outcome you already know the steps for and the sense of control (false or not) is at least enough to make it feel like a safer choice. Two) it's going to suck when the person you're trying to impress/has control over your grades/ is somehow in a position of authority that believes in you, finds out you are messy, and a failure, and are useless, but at least if they find out fast, you don't have to keep some ruse up.

Kristen isn't conscious of this decision making. Take it from someone who's done it enough to realise that this is what is happening in the background. It sucks so much, and when you don't know you have ADHD it's worse, because all of those are now personal failings.

So of course Kristen has no idea how to relate to Cassandra as anyone other than "the next person I'm going to fail". And she has no idea how to proselytize for any god outside of Helio, and that kind will not work to bring followers to Cassandra. Moreover, Kristen's entire relationship with Cassandra is based on doubt. So while Kalina is correct that promoting the powers found in twilight and mystery, that's not what Kristen sees.

She's still very much a prophet of Helio in Cassandra's robes. She's still using the same kind of spells, and she's so caught up with "how do you show others that doubt is a good thing" that she doesn't see the other options.

And unfortunately that means she's failing, and she feels it. And that doubles her terror. And that's not even including the whole "you're dangerously close to being expelled." Like this would be the instance to literally beseech your god and admit your fear and doubt and Cassandra would understand and would probably be empowered by that connection. It would have the reverse effect with Cassandra than other gods, she gains from doubt and mystery, and Kristen sharing her fears and not knowing how to share Cassandra could be such a good thing for both of them.

But Kristen was raised in an environment where doubt was punished. That was unfortunately reaffirmed by walking away from Yes! because in her mind her doubt of Yes! and that deity's death is her fault because she doubted.

But doubt isn't the reason Yes! died. Yes! died because it was the manifestation of belief in a liminal space by a questioning teen, and should not have had the ability to substantiate something, and wouldn't have been able to outside of the very specific circumstances of a Beardsley nat 20, and the power funnel of a self resurrection. Kristen didn't believe in Yes! Never did. She created it and in that instance stopped believing in it. Yes! Had a slow death of "this is not what I wanted but I don't know how to say that".

I don't know how this is going to turn out for either Kristen or Cassandra, and I'm hoping that there's going to be a reckoning for them, and maybe an understanding between them. Like both are so traumatized. Cassandra is traumatized for losing so many followers to Galicaea and other deities.

So of course she's going to be that much more fixated on getting more followers and making sure that Kristen hadn't left for her girlfriend's goddess. (Ex or otherwise).

#dimension 20 spoilers #fhjy spoilers #fhjy #kristen applebees #hits roof you can fit so much religious trauma into this baby #this became a ramble and i hope I kept to my points #I also feel so bad for Kristen #she's speed running right into failure and she doesn't know how to stop or how to ask for help

22 notes · View notes

deconstructthesoup · 5 months

Text

Holy shit, you guys liked my Hatchetfield/Fantasy High idea... still coming up with a good name for it. Just using "High School is Killin' Me" would be good, but that might get confusing in the tags.

That being said, oh boy do I have more, so... let's dive in.

Ragh: He's essentially Max Jagerman if he'd actually had the chance to get that redemption arc (instead of, y'know, dying and becoming a vengeful ghost). Back in his freshman year, he was that jerk, and when he met Fabian, it could've easily resulted in two equally hardheaded guys becoming each other's absolute nightmare, but after Fabian initially got rejected from the team despite being the best at tryouts---and after Fabian slipped Ragh the answers to a test in order to get into his good graces---Ragh stuck up for him and got him on the team. It took a while for them to really become friends, mostly due to the fact that they both needed to grow past the toxic masculinity, but they got there eventually, with Fabian being the first person that Ragh came out to. And, yeah, their relationship was initially "friends with benefits" until they got their shit together. (I don't know what Lydia's deal is yet---she might just have a chronic illness, but it could also have LiB connections.)

Tracker: Her story's fairly similar to in canon---religious family who kicked her out once she started questioning everything, moved in with her cool uncle as a result---only instead of dropping out of high school, she transferred from Sycamore to Hatchetfield High. This worked out pretty well, seeing as Jawbone had just started his guidance counselor position after getting clean and putting that psychology degree to good use. Tracker's adjusting all right to her new life---she goes to concerts at the Slaughtered Pig, she's getting really into witchy stuff, and she's bonded with the principal's daughter over having to go to the school your parent works at... and she's also somehow developed a gigantic crush on the local church girl, which she initially tells herself is completely hopeless. But at night, she dreams of a haunted forest, a full moon, and a woman with white hair whose face she can never quite make out. And one day, she and Kristen find a book in Jawbone's study...

Jawbone: He's kind of the Miss Holloway equivalent, because honestly? There's really no other character who fits the vibe. Instead of being an immortal 80's singer who became a witch, however, he's a seemingly normal guy who grew up in Hatchetfield and has left quite a bit off times, but always finds his way back, and he's staying this time. Part of the reason he always leaves is, of course, the pressure of being queer in a small town, but he also has always had unusual abilities that he can't explain, and he used to either ignore his powers through the use of drugs or show them off as party tricks that would eventually get out of hand. But after years of misspent youth, he decided to get his life together, kind of like Emma did... and when he came back to Hatchetfield, he found a copy of the Black Book and learned the truth. Jawbone's now a protector of the town, helping people in his own way---and sometimes, that means having to let people in on the truth about Hatchetfield.

Ayda: She's well known for being the principal's daughter, a total nerd, and a bit of a recluse through no fault of her own, but there is much more to Ayda than meets the eye. See, Arthur Aguefort, way back in the 1900s, made a deal with Tinky after he lost his wife---that if he never lost Ayda in that same way, he'd serve the Lord in Black for eternity. Tinky agreed, Arthur managed to find a loophole and get outta there with an indefinite lifespan and a seemingly immortal daughter, but Tinky wasn't too happy about losing a future resident of the Bastard Box, so he turned the gift he'd given Ayda on his head. Instead of living forever, Ayda is capable of dying, but every time she dies, she is born again, with no memory of who she was or the powers she has---the original Ayda could control flame, and so can every version of her. So Arthur has to watch his daughter die again and again, find herself again and again, struggle again and again... yeah, there's a reason he became principal of Hatchetfield High instead of the mayor. By this point, he's decided that if he can't help Ayda, the best thing he can do is get to know her well while he can. (She's gonna have a happy ending, don't worry---I'm not that cruel)

Aelwyn: On the surface, she and Adaine have the same relationship as they initially did in canon---constantly bickering, constantly competing, you know the drill---but underneath all that, Aelwyn cares deeply for her sister, and has tried very hard over the years help keep Adaine's powers hidden from their parents. It's really due to not wanting to upset their parents that Aelwyn doesn't try as hard as she should, and why she's fairly distant from her sister most of the time. Their relationship is sorta a Lex-and-Hannah situation... if Lex was a straight-A popular party girl instead of a grungy, rebellious high school dropout. Aelwyn does eventually find herself and grow closer to Adaine, but it takes a while for that to happen.

Zelda: She's still a super-shy and awkward dork who loves pretty much every alt-music genre known to man and has some mild anger issues. In all honesty, not a lot changes about her, aside from her being human and not a satyr---she has a crazy family, she's got a crush on Gorgug that eventually turns into a very sweet relationship, and she eventually becomes friends with The Seven... though, I'm gonna need to finish that season before I can give you guys any more information on the rest of them. However, I will say that the Penelope and Sam situation is gonna tie into the Honey Festival.

Other miscellaneous ideas/characters: Sandra Lynn is a park ranger in Witchwood Forest, Garthy O'Brien runs one of the only queer nightclubs in Hatchetfield, Basrar still runs his ice cream parlor, Gilear is still a mess

And... yep, that's it for now. I'll talk about some of the antagonists later, and then maybe I'll get around to The Seven.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #starkid #hatchetfield #ragh barkrock #tracker o'shaughnessey #jawbone o'shaughnessey #ayda aguefort #aelwyn abernant #zelda donovan

25 notes · View notes

silverstonesainz · 6 months

Note

Oh my God! I am very excited about your history with the frat! and I would like to see as much history on this topic as possible! and also to find out about the other hero drivers in this story, can you have a couple of interesting facts?

i haven't really gone too deep into the history side of things in terms of what drivers were members an such but i mean i could state the obvious ones for now and if anyone wants to chime in then feel free.

michael schumacher– i think he would've served as president at least once. and then he'd do a second term bc the chapter was convinced that they'd go downhill if he wasn't. he was sooo charismatic in his time, smooth with the ladies, but was always faithful and loyal to one. he'll always go down in history as a great brother, a legend, and someone who personified the chapter values well.

lewis hamilton– contrary to what most people would think, he never actually had any interest in serving on e-board. but he was nominated as e.vp (which he lost to another brother) and new member educator (which he got). he also served as a representative of the chapter at a lot of events as well as the connect between the chapter & the advisor/nationals. he is the reason the chapter became as diverse as it is, and he advocated for his brothers when he needed them. now, he's one of the chapter advisors, and serves as a kind of elc for the fraternity.

sebastian vettel– this man was fucking WILD. he was soooo michael's little (his last little because you know damn well michael had a whole lineage). he was a menace in his freshman year, a party animal, just a wildcard. but he aside from the fraternity, he was focused, motivated, and did so well academically. he chose to stay single for the most part until the spring of his third year, thats when he kind of settled down. he definitely served as president in his senior year, and before that was new member ed, and ritual chair. and now, he is the chapter's current advisor. shows up to meetings every now and again, and has to talk them out of crazy ideas.

kimi raikkonen– a legend. A LEGEND. i think no one thought he would ever go greek but he did. he joined for the vibes, stayed because of the friendship. and sebastian being a menace to him. still holds the record for the longest keg stand, there is a photo of the moment up in their house. he didn't have any interest in doing exec, or doing positions. but he showed up if he had the time, participated if he felt like it.

fernando alonoso– a menace from the moment he got his bid to the second he became alum. he was so competitive, and it think was arguable one of the reasons the chapter would get in trouble during his time as an active member. was an absolute rager and was down for just about everything. he was also a pain in michael's ass. he's also still an alum brother that shows up randomly and fucks with the new pledges. tell me im wrong.

jenson button– what a fucking stunnnerrr this guy was. a charmer in his own right, i'd say he was what daniel is now for the chapter. he was i think someone daniel really looked up to. and id go as far to say that jenson was daniel's big. it makes so much sense to me. jenson served as i. vp, and was also the sweetheart to multiple sororities. he was loved, and appreciated. but also so respected because he has shown and proven time and time again, that he is not a person to fuck with. also-- was definitely alongside fernando a couple times making trouble. another pain in michael's ass i think

mark webber– he was sooo active during his time– and i mean active. like he was taking every opportunity offered, every position open. he was an all around kind of guy, and super reliable. i think that he ran for president but lost, but still served on e-board anyways. i also think he was broody in some ways, and sebastian used to tease him about it all the time. i think joining the fraternity really pulled him out of his shell.

nico rosberg– everyone soooo called him britney as a pledge. i think nico was like mark in a sense where he was active in every aspect. also super competitive and did everything in his power to make sure that phi gamma theta got the w in every philanthropy event. and he got heeeeaaated if they lost. also a super charismatic guy, and i sooo see him as the kind of guy to keep his relationship super lowkey. like so lowkey you would never know he actually had a girlfriend unless you saw it with you're own eyes.

this is as far as my brain will take me but if yall got some lore to add, pls do!!!

#a-nonnie #greek row: lore #the alumni ed.

21 notes · View notes

mentallyshattered · 6 months

Text

This is part 11 of the "What if Yuu didn't want to go back?" Series!

(I, the author of this work, do not consent to this work being crossposted/translated without my knowledge or used to train an AI, ever.)

Masterlist

By the time I leave, I have a ready-to-use phone and a phone case that somehow reminds me of both Grim and Pomefiore, courtesy of Rook. And, bonus: the touchscreen works through my gloves, so I can use it after class without taking them off and risking losing them.

Grim seems to like the charger more than the phone- naturally. He's a cat, the charger is a long thing that waves and dangles, that's what I figured would happen.

"No, Grim, don't bite that. Come on, let's put on our dorm uniforms and go find a nice stick to make a toy out of."

"Nice stick? How am I supposed to hold that?"

"You aren't. I have a piece of string to tie to it."

"So..."

"I can wave the stick around, and you can chase the string."

Grim's face lights up, and he magically changes into his dorm clothes without further instruction or prompting. I head into the closet.

The dorm uniform is incredibly comfy. The fabric is not only soft, but also tailored to fit me, and thermal in such a way that I'm never cold. I ought to wear this more.

When I reenter the room, Grim hops readily onto my shoulder. Off to find a toy, I suppose.

But, even as I search, something eats at me. It's nothing I don't recognize, but it's nothing I can just deal with- it's the knowledge that, out of all the people here, I am the only one with no magic.

Just knowing I've made it this far, so far, and I'm missing that one final thing- Grim wants to be a great sorcerer, so I either hold him back by keeping him with me 24/7, stick with him and watch as I pretend I'm okay with being so close to magic, and yet so far from having any of my own, or die.

I don't want to die. Not anymore. Not now, not when my death will actually hurt people. Not when there are people who will miss me and mourn me and wish I stayed. Not when my absence will open an unfillable hole in someone's heart.

I don't want anyone to feel that, because I've felt it myself, and it hurts. It hurts so much, like there's a part of you that's just void, and it's sucking the life out of you, bit by bit.

I felt that. For years, I felt that, killing me wholly and forcing me to live, day after night after miserable day, with no end in sight.

No. I won't die now. I'll wait until I've lost Grim and Vil and Rook and Epel and Korrak and Mandible and Deuce and Ace. I'll die when I'm just a distant memory of "one of our roomies in college," and "that classmate from my first year at Night Raven," and "the freshman with the flame-eared familiar."

I will die when I am nothing more than "that blurry memory of someone I knew and forgot."

"Monseur Mystery."

Rook's voice is soft, and tender, and worried, and caring, and kind. Kind. Kind, because he doesn't care about my lack of magic- he cares about me, the freshman with the flame-eared familiar. He cares about me, Monseur Mystery. He cares about me. Me, someone he knows and hasn't forgotten.

I needed that reminder. It's so quiet out here. My thoughts spiral and I can't stop it and there are tears streaming down my face, leaving little dark spots on Rook's dorm uniform.

I blink. Weren't we just on the ground? This ground is soft, like- oh, Rook moved us into a tree. I'm sitting on his thigh, not leaves. That makes sense.

No matter. With his arms wrapped around me and my arms wrapped around his waist, I am safe. That much, I know.

Grim is saying something. I hear his words, I know what they mean, but the dots go unconnected, and I take comfort in simply knowing he's here.

"Monseur Mystery, I hope you do not mind. Vil wishes to see you."

Vil. Another person to whom I am not just a distant, fading memory. Another person who cares about the freshman with the flame-eared familiar. Another person who cares about Yuu.

Rook is tapping on glass now. I am still crying, tears still running down my cheeks and into the fabric of Rook's uniform.

Another pair of strong arms wrap around me, pulling me into an embrace that's warm like the heat from a lit fireplace and strong like the house it's built into.

Secure. I feel secure here, held by two people who are, in some way, my parents, the first parents I've ever had, and never had, because, somehow, I still feel as though my life has yet to start. Like I've never been born, but I've died nonetheless.

Despite that, I feel safe and secure and loved, for the first time in what's not yet my life, but not the first, rather, just the most intense.

Back then, when Vil cut and brushed my hair, when I told them how I'd known Grim's name, I had tried to hold back my tears. I wasn't just sad, I was scared, scared this new world would be just as cruel as the last.

But, here, now, I let the sadness show in my sobs, in my sniffles, in my hiccups, in my tears.

For the first time, I am embracing sorrow, and I am nearly alive, closer than ever before.

The tears have stopped. The despair has lessened. The sadness has given way to joy. Faint joy, but joy nonetheless.

Vil is holding my face in his hands, meeting my eyes with violet irises filled with compassion, the likes of which is so intense I could never dream it.

"What's wrong? Why were you crying?"

I look away from him for only a moment, because that's all the time it takes for me to realize I crave his affection and the look in his eyes.

"All I need is magic," my voice is breaking, "and that's the one thing I don't have."

"You know," Grim pipes up, "remember the thing with the water glass? You said the ripples on the surface were because of the footsteps of the students walking in the hall."

"Well... yeah. That's what footsteps do."

"The footsteps of five people, all at least twenty meters away and trying to muffle their footsteps? On these solid floors?"

Wait. Grim has a point. Could those ripples have really been... me?

No. "There are a thousand things other that magic that could've caused that, Grim. Not all of them were there, sure, but only one had to be."

"Let me see your magestone." Vil's sudden request catches me off guard.

"Why?"

Vil just holds out his hand. "You'll see."

I hand him my magestone, and he holds it up to the light.

"Perhaps," he begins, "it is for the better that you know no spells."

The gem shines a beautiful black, all the way through- with the sole exception of three little lines of Pomefiore purple at the bottom that form a sort of upside-down trident head.

"Why is that, Vil?"

"Because," he smiles, "you would've overblotted by now if you used any magic."

"Overblotted?" For once, mine and Grim's voices are in total unison.

"Yes. Using too much magic, with no rest, causes blot buildup. But," he places my magestone back in my palm, "so do negative emotions."

"What are you?.."

"Do you know what blot requires, Yuu?"

"Uhh, nope."

Vil smiles, closing my fingers over my obsidianesque gem.

"Magic."

#disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst vil #m!yuu #twst grim #twst yuu #twst rook #tw mentions of death #twst #what if yuu didn't want to go back

18 notes · View notes

astars-things · 1 year

Note

Hi bestie! Could you write something for Nolan where the two of you are dating and you are the mom friend and are always taking care of the freshman and he's just like wow she'd be a great mom. Thanks <3

Pairing Nolan Moyle x reader

I never thought I'd end up dating the captain of the hockey team, but here we are. Nolan is everything I could want in a partner - kind, caring, and fiercely dedicated to his team. As the girlfriend of the captain, I found myself in a unique position - I was not only part of the team's inner circle, but I also became a sort of surrogate mom to the freshman players.

It was late at night "babe come here" nolan whined opening his arms for me but our sweet moment was interrupted by my phone ringing "who is it" Nolan questioned It was weird to be getting calls this late at night

"its seamus he was lost and couldn't find his way back to his dorm." i said getting out of bed quickly throwing on a jacket and grabbing my keys, When I found seamus, he was shivering in the cold, having wandered too far from campus. I drove him back to his dorm and made sure he was safely inside before heading back to my own apartment.

It wasn't long before I became the go-to person for dating advice as well. The freshman players were eager to learn from someone who had been in a successful relationship, and they often came to me for guidance. I found myself dispensing advice on everything from first dates to Valentine's Day gifts.

Nolan was always amused by my role as the team's "mom." He often joked that I would make a great mom someday, and I couldn't help but feel a little flattered. As much as I loved helping out the freshmen, I also couldn't wait to start a family with Nolan someday.

As the season wore on, I found myself becoming more and more invested in the team's success. I cheered them on from the stands, celebrated their victories with them, and commiserated with them after losses. And through it all, Nolan was there by my side, always ready with a hug or a reassuring word.

Dating the captain of the hockey team was an unexpected adventure, but it was one that I wouldn't trade for anything. It gave me the chance to be a part of something bigger than myself, to help the team in whatever small way I could, and to be there for the freshmen when they needed me the most.

And as for Nolan's comment about me being a great mom someday? Well, who knows what the future holds. But for now, I was happy just being a surrogate mom to the team's freshman players - and I knew that I was making a difference in their lives.

#nolan moyle x reader #send in requests #my friends #<3 #nolan moyle #umich hockey #Gracie🤎

108 notes · View notes

sorrelchestnut · 1 year

Text

Eddie wishes he can remember the first time he met Steve. Wishes it was suitably weighty and dramatic, some grand portentous moment he could point to and claim that yes, he always knew this one was going to be important to him. That this one was going to be everything.

But nope, Eddie can't remember jack shit. And not in the usual way he can't remember things, like his keys or his wallet or what time he's supposed to show up somewhere, but in the more generic, too-young-to-stick kind of way that always annoyed the shit out of him when his dad tried to claim some long forgotten acquaintance that cooed over him once in a stroller. Whatever first encounter between the two of them that must have occurred in some playground or parking lot is lost forever to the mists of history, unrecorded and unremarked-upon. Eddie's first clear memory of Steve Harrington isn't until high school, an annoying little freshman horsing around in a too-big jersey on game day when Eddie was just trying to get to his fucking locker, but by then they'd been vaguely aware of each other's existence for time immemorial. That's just how it works when you grow up in the same twenty square miles.

Steve doesn't remember either; Eddie checked. Steve's first clear memory of Eddie is a little earlier - apparently there was a very contentious game of Red Rover that almost came to blows while Steve was running laps, Eddie remembers the detention if not the observer - but he already knew who Eddie was just the same as Eddie knew about him. That Harrington boy, that Munson boy, one grade apart and opposite sides of the tracks but still trapped in the same little rat maze of existence just the same.

It doesn't bother Steve the way it does Eddie, the not-remembering. But then, Steve doesn't have a feel for narrative the way Eddie does, has no room for poetry in his pragmatic little soul. Steve doesn't really give a damn about how they began so much as making sure they don't have an end, and it's one of Eddie's favorite things about him, how fucking straightforward he can be about shit when Eddie feels like he's in an eternal tailspin - but it's also a little frustrating, too, because it means he's alone in telling a story that doesn't have a proper beginning.

So, he tells it a different way. Ignores all the backstory, two houses very much not alike in dignity, circling each other in lazy unknowing orbit. Ignores the collision, broken bottle and a boat oar, ignores the fun little stroll through a hell dimension and flirting over felony grand theft auto. Picks up right there in media res on their way to the end of the world, with Steve grabbing him by his collar on his way of his front door into a hell dimension, frowning at him like Eddie had personally insulted his mother.

"Hey hey hey, where do you think you're going like that?"

"Um?" Eddie squinted back at him, not sure if he was more taken aback by being summarily scruffed like an unruly dog or how weirdly unthreatened he felt by the entire experience. "I don't think someone dressed like an extra from Top Gun has room to insult my fashion choices."

Steve made this hilarious little squinched-up face, like, what? And then promptly ignored him. "Zip that shit up," he said, releasing Eddie in order to gesture to his shirtfront. "Those layers won't do jack shit if you leave it open."

There was a lot to unpack there, not the least Steve's beleaguered single-mother-of-four tone, but Eddie focused on the most important part. "You remember my part in the plan, right? Hard to play a badass guitar solo when I'm all bundled up, dude."

Steve hit him with the most unimpressed look Eddie had ever seen on a human face, and he'd been in and out of detention since grade six. "Hard to play anything with your guts ripped out, dude."

That… was a compelling point. Eddie looked guiltily down at Steve's middle, the bulk of makeshift bandages just visible under the thick fabric of his t-shirt, then shifted his spear to his other hand in order to zip up his jacket. At Steve's expectant expression, he sullenly zipped up the vest, too.

"Happy now?" he said, spreading his arms for inspection. "Do I pass muster, my liege?"

Steve just looked him up and down, like he was actually checking, and then gave him an absolutely shithead grin that Eddie remembered from high school and clapped him on the shoulder. "You'll do."

Dustin eyed him with hilarious skepticism as they emerged from the trailer, but kept his mouth shut until Steve and co. were venturing off into the woods. Out of the corner of his mouth, he said, "You look like Rambo screwed the Stay-Puft marshmallow."

"Shut the fuck up," Eddie said gratefully, and then Eddie played a concert, and Eddie played the hero, and Eddie didn't die. And that's why he starts the story there, right in the middle of everything: because it was the first time Steve took care of him when he needed it.

It definitely wasn't the last.

#stranger things #steddie #fic #i have a lot of feelings about growing up in small towns okay #and how easy it would have been to save eddie by ZIPPING UP HIS FUCKING JACKET

118 notes · View notes

theladyofdeath · 2 years

Note

Could you do something with the only one bed trope? Or fake dating? Or both as they kind match. Maybe rowaelin or nessian or elorcan? Thanks so much no worries I’d you don’t get to it

A/N: Thank you for the prompt!! I must admit this is one of my favorite tropes, personally... Enjoy. I may just have to do a part 2... Warnings: Language, overwhelming fluff WC: 2,013

Rowan and Aelin rode down the interstate in a comfortable silence. He’d lost a bet, resulting in a long weekend with Aelin and her parents back home in Orynth.

It wasn't that he minded going. He liked spending time with Aelin, always enjoyed being in her company. She was smart, funny, kind, passionate, and completely gorgeous...

But they were only friends.

They had been friends since the start of freshman year and now that they had graduated and found jobs in the real world, they still got together often to hang out. As strange as it seemed, considering he once drove her absolutely insane, she was the closest thing he'd ever had to a best friend.

They had been at the bar the week before, playing darts while highly intoxicated, and Aelin had bet him that she could win their final round, although she never had beat him before. He'd told her she was insane, naturally, and she upped the prize. If she won, Rowan would have to be her date to her cousin's wedding. If he won, she would buy him drinks every time they went out for a year.

He'd lost.

Bad.

"You're so quiet." Rowan looked in the passenger seat at Aelin, who had her seat leaned back as she eyed him. "You're a horrible road trip companion. Buzzard."

He snorted, shaking his head as his eyes fell back in front of him. "I'm focusing on where I'm going. You're the one that's driven this route a hundred times. You should be the one driving."

She groaned. "But it's so boring driving something you've driven a hundred times. We only have an hour left. Stop complaining."

Rowan sighed, exasperated. "I don't know what to do with you sometimes."

Aelin just rolled her eyes. "You're so grumpy. At least pretend to be happy with me. I told my parents we're dating, so if you don't--"

"What?" Rowan interrupted, nearly swerving into the opposite lane.

Aelin laughed, quietly. "Calm down. It's just for appearances. It sounded a lot better than hey mom, I'm bringing my friend because he lost a bet at the bar."

Rowan chuckled, mostly out of disbelief. “Yeah, alright, but you didn’t have to wait to tell me until we’re an hour out.”

“I did think about not saying anything then getting there and letting you make a fool of yourself when I introduced you as my boyfriend,” she admitted, slyly.

Rowan just shook his head. “You would.”

Her grin widened. “It’s only four days. Act like you always act around me just toss an arm around my shoulders from time to time and dance with me at the wedding. It’s really not that big of a deal.”

He nodded as if to say she was right, it wasn’t. Yet, he felt nervous as hell all of the sudden.

“Stop looking like you’re going to puke.” She laughed. “Being my boyfriend can’t be that bad.”

No, it wasn’t. It wouldn’t be. Maybe that was the issue. What would be a running gag for the weekend would never be a reality and that was what was hard to get his head around.

He continued to drive, following Aelin's directions. She wouldn't let him plug the address into his GPS. She claimed GPSs were for losers that didn't know where they were going. She knew exactly where she was going.

An hour passed and they pulled into the driveway of an old farmhouse that had been remodeled. It was massive, looming over Rowan's ten-year-old car. It was safe to say that Aelin's parents had money, not that Rowan had ever known. Aelin didn't act like she came from people with money.

A big golden-retriever came out to greet them and Aelin was out of the car, tackling the beast. Rowan laughed quietly before getting out of the car himself and joining her in the driveway.

"This is Fleetfoot," she said, scratching the dog behind the ears. "Had her since I was in high school." She leaned into the dog's face. "This is Rowan. Don't let his grumpiness fool you. He's not so bad."

"Oh thanks," Rowan mumbled, but the dog came up to him and he scratched her behind the ears. He seemed to pass the test.

The front door flew open and a woman came running out. A man followed behind her, far more calm as he shut the door behind him and descended the porch stairs.

Aelin flew towards them, arms outstretched. She hugged them both before motioning for Rowan to follow.

"Mom, dad, this is Rowan," she smiled, giving him a wink before turning back to her parents. "Ro, this is my mom, Evalin, and my dad, Rhoe."

"You can call me Mr. Galathynius," Rhoe said, and for a moment Rowan thought it had been a joke but he was thankful he didn't laugh because a minute passed and he realized that he was completely serious.

Evalin rolled her eyes. "There's no need for that. It's nice to meet you. We've heard so much about you!"

Rowan blinked. They had? He swore he saw Aelin's cheeks turn a soft shade of pink before they were being ushered into the house.

The inside was immaculate and Rowan was afraid to touch anything. He reached for a vase that looked to be made out of some kind of ancient clay but Aelin swatted his hand away before subtly shaking her head.

"I made up the guest room for you two," Evalin smiled. "Feel free to take your stuff up there and get settled."

Rhoe didn't look happy about that.

And that's when it dawned on Rowan. Of course they would share a room. They were dating, they were adults, and of course, Aelin hadn't clarified about the sleeping arrangements.

She caught his stare and gave him a slow, mischievous grin. Gods, this woman.

"Thank you," Rowan said, at last, ignoring Rhoe staring daggers in his direction.

Half an hour later, Rowan was standing in the guest room, staring at the queen-size bed, shaking his head. "You know, I can sleep on the floor--"

"I'm a grown ass woman, I promise I can keep my hands to myself," Aelin interrupted and dropped her bag on the ground. "I've shared a bed with a man before, you've shared a bed with plenty of women--"

"When you say plenty like that, it doesn't make me sound so great," Rowan said, crossing his arms. "I've shared a bed with...an average amount of women."

Aelin arched a brow. "And you think that makes you sound great? An average amount of women, oh, Rowan Whitethorn, what a legend."

"Please stop talking," Rowan begged, but when she laughed he couldn't stop his little smile.

Aelin gave Rowan a quick tour of the house and then they sat at the kitchen table and ate with Aelin's parents. Afterwards, they played a card game and Rhoe made it his personal mission to see Rowan destroyed...which he did successfully. Rowan was the first one out every round.

Much to Aelin's pleasure.

The entire time, Rhoe asked a million questions. Rowan told him about his career, about what his degree was in, about where he lived and his childhood and how he spent his free time. By the end of it, Rowan was exhausted.

Just after ten, Aelin's parents went upstairs and told them goodnight, leaving Rowan alone with Aelin and Fleetfoot. The dog had continued to warm up to him. He was sure the head scratches were helping in his favor. She followed them up the stairs and laid at the foot of their bed.

"This used to be my room," Aelin explained. "Fleetfoot used to sleep with me every night. So, when I come home, it's a tradition."

Rowan chuckled and opened up his suitcase to pull out his sweatpants and a clean t-shirt. "Then she's taking up your leg room, not mine."

Fleetfoot huffed from the foot of the bed as if to tell him to fuck off. Aelin laughed.

Rowan shook his head as he walked into the connecting bathroom and changed into his clothes before brushing his teeth. When he opened the door again, he froze. In the bedroom, Aelin was in nothing but a little silk, golden nightgown. She was putting her hair up in a ponytail when she turned to find him staring.

Grinning, she asked, "See something you like, Whitethorn?"

He snapped back to reality and cleared his throat. "What the hell is that?"

"My pajamas," she answered, plainly, then gestured to his sweatpants and t-shirt. "Not all of us like to wear what we wear to the gym, to bed."

Rowan didn't bother to tell her that he actually wore a lot less at the gym. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, alright. Bathroom's yours."

That grin remained on her mouth as she disappeared into the bathroom. Rowan went to the bed, turning down the blankets before falling onto one side of the mattress. He stretched out his legs and Fleetfoot shot him a look that he pointedly ignored.

He was scrolling through his feed when Aelin opened the door and he couldn't help but look up and watch her as she approached the bed. That damned nightgown left very little to the imagination.

She knew it, too, knew that he was watching as she went to the opposite side of the bed and turned off the lamp as she crawled onto the mattress beside him. Her leg brushed his and he suddenly hated himself for not wearing shorts to bed.

"Sorry my dad's so intense," came her voice in the dark silence. "He means well. In his defense, the last guy I brought home was Chaol, and that was before he wasn't a douche."

Chaol was Aelin's boyfriend in college and although he turned out to be a great guy who was now married with a kid, he used to be a little rough around the edges.

"Rhoe didn't like Chaol?" Rowan asked, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'm shocked."

Aelin laughed, quietly. "Thanks for doing this for me. If I'm being honest, I just want them to think that I'm thriving, you know? They know I'm a struggling journalist. They thought that I should go into a different field, but writing is all I've ever wanted to do so I did it anyway, even if the pay does suck and the jobs are hard to find." She sighed. "Having them excited for me about finding someone is nice, though. Makes me look like I'm not such a failure."

Rowan rolled onto his side with a frown, finding her outline in the dark. As his vision continued to adjust to the lack of light, he could make out the own distressed look on her face. "You're not a failure, Ace. You're happy as a journalist, even if it is a hard career to make it in. You can't let someone else's expectations of you define how successful you are."

He expected her to make a joke out of his seriousness as she often did, but she didn't. Instead, she whispered, "Thank you."

It was rare for Aelin to be vulnerable around him. He'd only seen it a handful of times throughout the years. It was usually reserved for Lysandra or Elide. Now, Rowan closed the space between them and pulled Aelin close to him, wrapping his arms around her. She reacted with no hesitation and laid her head against his chest, draping her arm across his abdomen. They laid there like that for a moment, comfortably, until Aelin's breathing evened out. She snored softly, and it was something that Rowan would surely make fun of her for in the morning.

Then her knee hitched as she shifted to make herself comfortable and her leg draped across his. They were tangled together and he could feel every inch of her through that little gold nightgown. She wasn't waking up soon and he sure as hell wouldn't be moving from his current position.

There would be no sleeping for him tonight.

He really should have worn some damn shorts.

#rowaelin #part II???#i think so #rowan #aelin #tog #throne of glass #kingdom of ash #fanfic #fanfiction #prompts #fluff #sjm

156 notes · View notes

oleanderlvr · 20 days

Note

🩶🩷🤎 4 f/o takeover !

another one? thanks for the questions...

🩶 grey ― how long have you and s/i known each other? when did you officially become "close"?

well... we met back in high school. i think it was my freshman year? anyways, we were... friends... for a bit. then one night we... parted ways and i didnt see him for years. then he just... showed up at my apartment. i was... nervous. how could he be alive, i killed him with my own hands. but i... adjusted. i knew i wasnt going to let him go a second time. and ever since then...

🩷 pink ― pda, yes or no? what about petnames/cutesy nicknames?

pda? i dont... really go out ever... so neither does richie. im not a big fan of... people. richie doesnt leave the house without me. i dont let him. but... when we do go out we usually hold hands. i... i get nervous if hes not right next to me... for petnames, im not really a big fan of petnames... i usually just call richie his name. he sometimes calls me his "wife" which is... strange. strange but... nice, i guess. he also calls me "law" instead of lawrence alot...

🤎 brown ― how would you describe s/i? in personality or looks, whichever you'd like! or both, if you really want to ramble.

...how would i describe him? uh, well hes very... talkative. it sometimes is... a bit much, but ive grown to like it... richie usually stops talking when i ask him which is... nice. uh... he also tries to make me laugh... which is cute. i think he really does love me... he tells me that a lot. its hard to believe someone would truly love me... but he comes back to me every time. even if i was the one who took him apart and laid out his insides... for looks, i... i like his eyes... they are such a dark brown they look black... its very... uh... easy to get lost in them... i also love his hips. when hes laying down i can feel his bones... uh... his teeth are... sharp... uh, im getting flustered just... thinking about it. even though his sitting on the floor in front of me right now... uh, i got a little side tracked. his tail is also really... interesting. and the horns. i think he said hes some kind of... demon? he said thats how he was able to come back to me. his guts are also so... so very pretty... i could just... delicately take him apart and stare at his bones all day... i just want to peel his skin away and crawl inside of him... he is beautiful inside and out...

#i rambled a bit near the end there... sorry...#☆ serpulalacrymans

3 notes · View notes

vixxiu · 9 months

Text

This compass aims at you

Too many high schoolers keep getting lost in the woods while trying to have some private time and what is the best way to solve the issue? Organize an orienteering session in the woods! Of course, Steve had to be paired with Eddie the freak Munson

warnings: swearing, our boys argue and Eddie gets a little mean (but only for a little bit)

Apparently, Hawkins’ police had a new problem to solve: more and more teenagers were getting lost in the woods while trying to find some place where to be alone. Despite being a small town, Hawkins kept facing a big number of problems, almost as if it was cursed and Jim Hopper’s men didn’t have time to spend a few hours every week looking for horny teenagers who didn’t pay attention to where they were walking while making out.

The school first attempt at stemming the issue was a terrible sex-ed course which didn’t give any useful information and could be summarized as “Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die”.

Obviously, it didn’t work, and the teachers decided to try a different approach: organize an orienteering session in the woods for the older students.

When it was announced a mandatory sport-related event, Steve was elated because finally there was something he was good at, only to find out they weren’t going to practice his kind of sport, but hey, everything was better than normal school.

The day of the orienting trial arrived way too fast and even if the sky was dark and angry, it didn’t get cancelled. No one seemed particularly happy to be at the edge of the forest, nor the students nor the teachers, so everyone tried to start the event as quickly as possible, hoping to be able to get home sooner than a normal day. They were divided into couples, given a map, a compass, a strong whistle and sent off to the woods.

Steve knew he wasn’t the best person in the world, but damn, karma was working quickly. Just yesterday, he watched Tommy teasing some poor freshman and didn’t intervene and now his punishment was here. It didn’t matter if Steve wasn’t his friend anymore, it wasn’t enough. He knew he had to start standing up for others, but the old ways were hard to abandon, and it was even harder to change high school dynamics.

So, as a compensation for all the things he had done, destiny paired him up with the worst possible option: the town freak, the drug dealer, the one and only Eddie Munson.

Truth to be told, Eddie seemed even less enthusiast than Steve as they started to walk without even exchanging a single world.

They kept advancing in silence and weirdly communicating with gestures as if they were cavemen, pointing at the map and at the compass at regular intervals.

Only Eddie sometimes dared to change his behaviour by kicking every pinecone he found and mumbling under his breath, as if working with Steve was the worst thing ever.

Being a weirdo, Steve was sure Eddie was used at awkward silences, but Steve wasn’t. He hated them, it made him feel as if the other person was regretting spending time with him and since a young age, he knew the only things he was good at were sports and being popular, so if people didn’t like him anymore, what was left for him?

Eddie had all the reasons to be angry at him and not wanting to talk, and yet Steve found himself trying to start a conversation and light up the mood.

“If you like kicking stuff so much, maybe you could try soccer…” he tried to sound cheerful, not to give the impression he was mocking the other.

“The only things I like to kick are pinecones and jocks’ asses” Okay, so this attempted connection went bad, really bad. So what? Fuck Eddie Munson. Steve was just trying to be nice. He could be an asshole, if Eddie wanted him to be. He kinda wanted to reply with a mean snark to shut the other down and it required all his effort to remember he was trying to be a nicer, different person. He was still irritated, though.

They soon reached the deepest part of the forest and they both needed to watch their feet not to trip. This didn’t stop Eddie from still kicking pinecones and the repetitive action was starting to be annoying. However, Steve decided to shut up. At least, until the metalhead hit one with too much strength, making it bouncing back on a tree before it hit Steve right on the face.

“What the hell, man? Can you fucking stop doing stupid things for one minute? I get that you hate me, but if you keep being this difficult, it will take even more time to get out of this fucking woods”

“No, King Steve, you don’t get it. You are not stuck for a whole afternoon with one of the people who daily make your life a living hell”

“I’ve never done anything to you” “Oh, you didn’t? Then, I guess was your evil twin who laughed as Hagan pushed me against the locker and took my clothes while I was showering after P.E.” “I’m not friends with them anymore”

“And do you think it is enough to make us good? Because it doesn’t. People like you don’t change.”

Steve felt his cheeks heating as the other exposed all his weaknesses. A part of him wanted to say something back, but deep down, he knew Eddie was right. He was an asshole and was being delusional pretending he could become a better person.

After this exchange, the awkward silence was back at full force. Even the gentle sounds of nature seemed to vanish as Eddie’s words echoed into Steve mind.

He was well aware that Eddie was right and yet part of him didn’t want to accept that it was the truth. He was really trying to change, and he didn’t want to believe all of his efforts were pointless.

“Do you seriously think I don’t know you are right? But what can I do? I can’t change what I’ve done, but at least I can try my best from now one”

Eddie laughed humorless.

“Wow, Harrington, such pretty words… and yet tomorrow, nothing will change at school. You will still look at Hagan bullying freshmen without intervene”

Shame washed over Steve even more than before. If they were not stuck in a forest, he would have run away. Eddie had a way with his words that made Steve felt bare in front of the whole world.

This is not was Steve was expecting from this orienteering session, this was not what he was expecting from Eddie. He couldn’t help but wonder how much he has misjudged the other. Behind the long hairs and tattoos, behind the rants in the cafeteria there was a lot more than expected and Steve felt struck by it.

So much so, that when they restarted walking and communicating only with brief gestures, his eyes kept wandering back to the other. He stole small glances while being as subtle as possible.

Eddie was actually really pretty and for someone like Steve, it was easy to see he also took time and effort to style his look. His locks were wild but soft and his pants hugged his legs in the best way possible.

Steve was taking in Eddie’s long lashes and cute nose, when his eyes wandered to the map.

Fuck, they were reading the map in the wrong way, they were completely astray.

Steve cleared his throat: “Ehm…”

Eddie turned to look at him with annoyance clear in his eyes.

“You are keeping the map upside down”

“I’m not”

Steve took a step closer and warily invaded Eddie’s space to point stuff on the paper sheet.

“We started here and we need to get to this point, if we were in the right direction, we would have met skull rock by now, also we didn’t see the clearing indicated here”

Eddie threw the map on the ground and screamed at the sky. Steve wondered if he had to worry, but after this outburst the other collected the sheet from the ground and started walking again, a tight smile on his lips as if he couldn’t really process the bad news he had just received.

Still, they turned around and with a big sigh, they moved towards the right direction.

The whole route was supposed to take around 2 hours, but who knows how much longer they needed to walk at that point. Luckily, summer just ended and therefore the days were still long, and even if the air was already starting to get chillier, they probably had another couple of hours before dawn.

They were moving at a brisk speed, already being stuck together for too long. And then small droplets hit their head; at the beginning it was almost a nice refreshing drizzle and neither of them addressed it, but suddenly it increased and it felt as if buckets of ice-cold water were being purposely thrown at them. Luckily there were no lightnings.

Still, no one addressed the big weather problem, up until the found themselves near a bunch of rocks and both turned at the same time to look at the other, before kneeling to crawl beneath them.

It wasn’t as nice as skull rock, but it was good enough. It smelled like rotten leaves and their hairs immediately got smeared with spiderwebs, but at least they could sit conformably and wait.

The view of the forest from their shelter was really pretty: they could see water bouncing off the leaves and the birds resting in the deepest part of the foliage. The sound of the rain was incredibly relaxing and Steve knew he was always going to associate the smell of wet soil with this forest.

It felt like a liberating experience.

Steve almost forgot he wasn’t alone, until the smell around him changed drastically.

Of course, Musun had to light a joint.

Truth to be told, Steve had been so much on the edge all afternoon that he would have liked to get a bit stoned, but he wasn’t stupid enough to believe Eddie was going to give him some.

Eddie was inhaling and exhaling slowly, his eyes closed. And for some strange reason, Steve wasn’t able to stop staring at him.

When Eddie changed position, it startled Steve and he was even more surprised as he noticed that the other had extended an arm to give him his blunt. Probably Eddie felt his questioning stare because he scrolled his shoulder and said: “this is the worst situation that could have happened and I just can’t stay sober. Also, I was pretty harsh out there. Don’t get me wrong, you deserve all I said, but I could have expressed myself better”

Steve took a drag “You’re wrong: this is not the worse afternoon ever. We could have been paired with Hargrove”

Eddie groaned and then let out a small laugh. “True that, what an bastard. Or Hagan”

“Or Hagan” Steve agreed.

They kept passing the joint back and forth, while observing the rain and feeling incredibly relaxed.

“I bet you weren’t that happy about being paired with the town freak either” Eddie added, his voice suddenly was smaller than usual. “I bet you wanted some girl to bring to skull rock and kiss”

“Actually, I didn’t even think about that…”

“Sure, cause you don’t need to. Every girl drops at your feet, you don’t need to think about good opportunities. It could have been a great afternoon for me, man”

“I’m sorry for ruining your imaginary chances, Munson”

Eddie just scoffed, shaking his head and Steve felt too relieved noticing the other didn’t seem to hate him as much anymore.

Time kept passing and the air around their shelter was getting darker. Without even noticing, they ended up moving closer, as their wet clothes made them feel cold.

Eddie started moving his legs and arms, trying to create some heath. He even ended up emptying him pockets to see if there was something useful, indeed there was the whistle and they tried to use it, but no human seemed to be close enough.

In the end, Eddie just put everything back but a small object and started playing with it.

“That’s a D20!” Steve exclaimed as he grabbed the thing right from Eddie’s hands to observe it better.

“No, it’s my D20” The metalhead replied, stealing the dice right back “and how on Earth do you know what a D20 even is?

“I kinda babysit a bunch of shit heads who are too much into Dungeons and Demons”

“It’s Dungeons and Demons, Steve” holy shit, this was the first time Eddie used his name, maybe it was the weed, but it felt nice. “and how do you kinda babysit kids?”

Steve started to explain. “One time I gave a ride to Nancy Wheeler’s baby brother and his friends and now they keep pestering me about and demanding rides and stuff. They are really annoying”

“And yet you are smiling, Stevie”

Busted. Steve loved to complain, but he actually enjoyed spending time with those prepubescent weirdos, especially since he didn’t have almost any friends left.

“I guess they are nice sometimes” Steve conceded. “They even baked me a cake from my birthday. It tasted like ass, but it was a nice gesture. They are still shitheads, tho”

“Ooooh, I’m sure they are”

Eddie was smirking and Steve felt himself reciprocating the smile. A few moments passed and they kept smiling and staring at each other. Eddie looked friendly and his big brown eyes were way too pretty.

Then suddenly, Eddie moved, mumbling a string of “nonononononononono…”. He basically jumped out of the shelter and started walking back and forth under the rain.

“What the fuck, Munson! Get back here! I can’t carry you on my back if you get sick”

All Steve’s words got wasted, as the other didn’t minimally acknowledge what he had just said.

With a sigh, Steve stood up and walked closer to Eddie just to place a hand on his shoulder.

Eddie reacted as if he had been burned. He moved away rapidly as if he was trying to get as much space as possible between the two of them.

“Don’t get closer, Harrington.”

“So we’re back to Harrington now, good” It was not good. It felt like a punch in the guts. For a moment, Steve actually believed they could become friends. What an idiot he was. “I’m sorry if I did something that upset you, I didn’t want to… listen, I’m really trying to change, even if it’s hard and almost impossible”

“You did nothing wrong, Steve!” Eddie replied almost yelling and moving his arms in big dramatic motions.

“I saw you at school, all right? And I saw you at the arcade with that bunch of kids. I can see you are trying to change and this is honestly fucking me up”

“I’m sorry, I guess?” “Don’t you dare be fucking sorry! I can’t take it!” Steve was seriously so confused. “it was so easy to keep my crush under control when you were just a hot asshole! But no, you had to become a hot nice guy! Fuck my life”

Oh. Oooooh.

So that was the issue. Steve was good at this. Steve was good at flirting and romance and he could already feel a smirk spreading on his face.

Except that Eddie interpreted the expression in the worst way possible: he suddenly looked terrified, as if the reality of what he just said was crushing down on him all at the same time.

Steve had to do something.

“I and Tommy used to kiss all the time”

Eddie stopped freaking out all at once.

“Wh-what? You and Hagan???”

“Yes, I’m bi. And I kinda like freckles, even if Tommy is a big bitch”

Eddie opened his mouth to speak, but just before he could say another word, the light of strong torches illuminated them.

“I knew this was a terrible idea” Jim Hopper had appeared from the woods with a few other men and was handing them a couple of raincoats “Come one, idiots, you two are the only ones still missing”

If while walking to the police car, Eddie and Steve kept bumping into each other as their hands subtly touched no one noticed.

Sure, it had been a weird afternoon, but in the end, Steve got a boyfriend out of it and they also had their personal make-out rock, so he wasn’t complaining

#stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie #steve x eddie #steve harrington x eddie munson #fic #steddie fic #my stuff

16 notes · View notes

glitchedgoalie · 5 months

Text

☆ –– (mason gooding, he/him/his, cismale) who is TYLER KING anyways? ew. you don’t know about HIM, we’ll bet you want to. they’re feeling TWENTY-EIGHT and BAKING COOKIES feels like a perfect night to them. rumor has it they’re MOODY and CLINGY because they care, but they’re also PATIENT and HONEST in the best way. HE works to make a little money as a(n) (BACKUP) GOALIE FOR THE NEW YORK RANGERS. they’ve rented a place on cornelia street in the form of AN APARTMENT. GLITCH(A)/HITS DIFFERENT (A) is the song they could dance to the beat of forevermore.

basics.

full name: tyler james king. nicknames: most people go with ty. some people go with tj.his teammates call him kinger, mostly. gender/pronouns: cismale/he/him/his. sexual orientation: bisexual. birthday: february 28th. star sign: pisces are known to be adaptable, creative, romantic, intuitive...and indecisive. occupation: backup goaltender for the new york rangers. character inspo: take the best part of the scott brothers from oth and put them together, also a little bit of matt saracen from friday night lights.

personality.

positive traits: intuitive, patient, kind, creative, adaptability. negative traits: clingy, moody, sometimes obsessive/one-track minded, indecisive. hogwarts house: i know jkr sucks and we do not claim her but the she is a burned gryffindor (bottom third). alignment: chaotic good ennegram: 2w1 personality type: infp.

backstory.

ty and his siblings grew up mostly with their grandparents. their dad was in the military and never came home from his last deployment. his mom skipped town on them when ty was six. he doesn't really remember her.

what he does remember is his grandpa teaching him how to skate around that time. the ice was an escape for him. when he was flying around that frozen sheet, nothing could touch him. so he threw himself into it. he played on various youth teams and ultimately found that he loved playing goalie and that he was good at it, too. he never left the net after that first game.

because of their home situation, ty knew that if he wanted to go to college, he'd need a scholarship. so he trained hard, kept his grades up, and earned a scholarship to boston college.

he studied psychiatry mostly because it was a fairly easy course load that he could balance with his demanding athletic schedule, but he fell in love with it and really enjoyed his schoolwork.

the plan was always the nhl. he wanted to make enough money to pay his grandparents back for raising him and his siblings. he wanted to get them out of their tiny apartment and into a real house. ty backed up his freshman year, but he got the net his sophomore year and put up some dazzling numbers, helping his team get to the national championship...where they lost to their crosstown rival boston university.

the loss lit a fire under him and he trained hard over the off-season. his junior season started just where the last one left off: he led the conference in shutouts, goals against average, and wins. then, during a rematch against BU, an opposing player hit him just right and his left leg buckled, then got pinned against the post. he felt his ankle pop. that was it. junior season, gone. he'd broken his ankle in three placed and required surgery and physical therapy to even have a shot at returning to the ice.

but he did it. he followed his doctors' orders and was cleared to return for his senior season. only the school had recruited a younger goaltender, and he only played a handful of games that year. still, he showed up to practices and games with a smile on his face and was the best damn bench door opener the team could ask for. he hyped the boys up and helped out wherever he could. and they almost got the championship that year, but fell just short once again.

not playing consistently caused his draft stock to plummet. he wasn't drafted, but he did get an invite to the bruins' development camp.

ty didn't make the team out of camp, but he was offered a minor league contract with the team. he battled two years in the echl before finding his footing in the american hockey league, one step down from the nhl. he wasn't making sidney crosby money, but he was comfortable. and he sent as much as he could back to his grandparents in connecticut.

it was during his time in providence that ty fell in love for the first time. sure, he'd had relationships in college, but nothing serious. this was real. this was going to be forever...until it wasn't.

the breakup hit him hard and caused his performance on the ice to suffer. he was almost sent down to the echl again. but ty buckled down, strung together a few good games, and helped his team win the calder cup in 2022.

and then he was traded away that summer. he wasn't even the big piece of that trade. the bruins were getting a star winger and they had used him to sweeten the deal. so he packed up his shit and moved to hartford to start the whole process over.

he played well in hartford. enough that when the rangers' starting goalie got injured and they needed a backup for their backup, he got called up. and, as it turns out, the starter had to have the same season-ending surgery that ty had a few years back. at least he's benefiting from it this time!

so ty's been in new york for a couple of months now and is still trying to find his footing. it's not really the same as small-town providence, but...he thinks he likes it.

connections.

roommates! i put ty in hits different partially so he'd have some built in connections. give me the ragtag group of roommates that become family because they're all sort of hopeless romantics...or hate love, actually.

the ex that caused him to spiral. i have a juicy idea that this may have been a former teammate. ty was traded in the off-season last summer and had been playing with the rangers' ahl affiliate in hartford. could have been a teammate from his previous team in providence, with hartford, or just someone involved with either of those teams (social media manager, reporter, play-by-play person) who has recently gotten a job with the big club, too, and moved to nyc. awkward.

he's got a sort of thing going on with muse b from glitch, but i would love something like a PR relationship or even something that spawns from a sort of...charity auction. think the boytoy auction from one tree hill (aka bid to win a date with a player).

teammates or other people affiliated with the rangers! social media crew, coaching staff, play-by-play! or even just other people who use the practice space. figure skaters, speed skaters, etc.

give me jasmin savoy brown as his sister and i'll kiss you. if you're into that.

#cornelia.intro #//this is my other son please love him <333 #//this is revisionist history bc the p bruins did NOT win the cup in 2022 but hey this is fiction

4 notes · View notes

polariskai · 2 years

Text

my clementine. │ prologue

summary growing up, your conception of love wasn't clear. You always thought it was fickle and illogical, but there was just something about your ex-bestfriend, choi beomgyu, that you're drawn to. No matter how hard you try to forget him, he's eternally painted on your mind. You and beomgyu used to be neighbors back then when you guys were 6, and after a little incident involving halloween candy, you guys became close friends. Ever since then, you two were inseparable, almost like you were glued together until you two had a fall-out during the beginning of your high school years because of a misunderstanding. The two of you were too stubborn to make up and haven't spoken a word to each other since then. Now, you're a freshman in college and on the first week, you decided to attend the freshman party in hopes of gaining new connections, what you didn't expect however, was to see beomgyu, the one person who you were afraid of seeing again.

pairing(s) beomgyu x fem!reader, some hueningkai x reader

genre angst, fluff, childhood friends! to strangers! to lovers???, romance, college! au

word count 4.2k words

contents/tags sfw, mutual pining, reader and beomgyu both have an avoidant attachment style,

warnings family problems, miscommunication, emotional neglect, mentions of divorce, reader is insecure(?)

notes this is heavily based on the song clementine by grent perez !! I highly recommend listening to his ep conversations with the moon while reading :))

( not proofread so I will be editing this soon I'm sorry that it's a bit messy )

taglist @baekberrie @woncheecks @y00nette ( if you’d like to be added, just send a dm or ask !! )

≡ masterlist

It was October 31, every kid's favorite day of the year. It was a fun time for kids to dress up as their favorite character and well, mostly for the excuse to get and eat candy as much as they wanted from a night of trick-or-treating. You were most especially excited for the costume part as you had planned a week before to dress as a vampire princess.

Once it was around 5pm, you and your dad had gone trick-or-treating together throughout the entire neighborhood. Your neighborhood was relatively small so trick or treating lasted for around 15 minutes or so. Despite it being a quick run of trick-or-treating, you managed to overfill your little pumpkin bucket with varieties of candies as your neighbors were so generous and adored your unique little costume.

Afterwards, your dad decided to bring you to the little kids’ halloween party that your neighbor next door was throwing. They prepared a little event with a bunch of games and a movie-viewing for kids within the neighborhood to enjoy while the adults came over to talk and drink together.

“Y/n go and have fun with the other kids, I’ll be there at the adults table okay?”You nodded and your dad kissed your forehead before leaving you with the other kids situated at the table at center of the living room.

Once your dad left, you took the opportunity to show off your over-filled halloween basket filled to the brim with varieties of treats.You proudly stand up and point to your bucket, bragging like you’ve found an incredible amount of treasure.

“Y/n y/n! Can I have some please!!” “Me too me too!!” “I wish I had your candy!” The other kids approached you and their eyes sparkled at your basket, in awe of the amount of candy in your hand. You nod and being the kind and considerate person you are, you offered your candies to the other kids.

You had generously offered your candy, until you realized you only had half of the candies left. You frowned when you started to realize how quickly you lost your candy but you were still happy to give your candies after seeing how others didn’t even have any.

However, one of the boys you gave candies to didn’t seem too satisfied as you only gave him three pieces after you had decided to stop giving away any more candies. He threw a tantrum and pushed you a bit too harshly that your bum landed on the ground.

“That’s so unfair! I hate you! You gave the others so much! You know what, I don’t care I’ll take all of your candy.”The kid yelled before grabbing the candy bucket that fell on the ground as it fell from your grip after the impact of his push. He smiles and greedily laughs before running away.

You sat on the ground and frowned, tears starting to form in your eyes as the bucket you were so proud of having just got stolen from you. You started sobbing uncontrollably after realizing you were left with no candy at all. The other kids didn’t care about your sobbing and sniffles, afraid to give up the little candy they had to themselves.

You felt a light tap on your shoulder and you turned your back. It was another little boy your age that you weren’t really familiar with. He looks at you and frowns at your state.

“I have no candy, I c-can’t give you any.” You said in between your sniffles.

“No! I don’t want more candy, I saw you’re sad and another boy stole your candy so I want to give you all of mine.” The boy let out his bucket in front of you. It was a lot smaller than yours, but you were so happy at the sight of the candy in front of you.

“Really? But you’ll have no candy.” You said and frowned, he shook his head.

“It’s okay with me! I feel bad and I don’t want to see you sad.” He said and your heart fluttered at his selfless gesture. All the other kids wanted to take all your candy, but this boy was very willing to sacrifice all of his for you.

“Thank you!” You smiled and took the basket from his hand.

“I am y/n, what is your name?” You asked him.

“I’m beomgyu!” He said before taking a seat on the ground, next to you. “Do you want to be friends, beomgyu?” You asked, letting a hand out in front of you for him to shake and seal the deal of your friendship.

He nodded and shook your hand.”Yay! Sure!”

And that marked the start of your friendship with Choi Beomgyu.

From then on, you and beomgyu had grown closer as years passed by.

You and beomgyu were pretty much inseparable, almost like you two were glued together. Every morning, you and beomgyu got to school together and spent the entire school day side by side, even after school has ended you would go and mostly hangout in beomgyu’s place after school. Beomgyu turned out to be your next-door neighbor and you often dropped by each other’s house.

You two got along with each other so well despite people around you thinking how you both seemed to have different personalities.

You were known as someone who was was quiet and serious, yet also kind and smart. Although you weren’t popular, people felt intimidated by you for being someone who seemed reserved and incredibly smart, you were a kind student too, often placing top 1 in your grade, while also known as a nice and generous person in your batch.

Beomgyu on the other hand, was known as the class clown. Known for his bright personality and also good looks, he was one of the popular students. He often seemed laid back and happy-go-lucky to his peers, becoming well-liked for the positive energy he gives all-around.

Despite the two of you possessing quite different personalities, you both found home in each other for the fact that you both had quite similar backgrounds. You both didn’t grow up in great families.

Your mom and dad divorced when you were at a young age. Your dad cheated and left the both of you for another family. Your family wasn’t exactly rich either, so your mom struggled to take care of you alone while also working. Your mom was quite strict. Growing up, you being an only child has automatically made you bear all the high expectations your mom placed on you. You were an overachiever, the top-1 student in your class. You made sure to do everything your mom expected of you, scared of being deemed a failure to your mom. She wished for you to follow everything she had wanted you to do, and you sometimes felt like you never had any autonomy over your own life. But you followed everything, not wanting to create any conflict in your life. You barely fought with your mom but she often neglected your emotional needs.

And that was why you often turned to beomgyu. He was the only one who knew about your problems. He always reassured you and cheered you up at those times you felt upset. He was the only one who made you feel loved and understood.

Beomgyu had family problems too. When he was only five, his parents fought a lot and he then grew accustomed to all the arguing. A year later, his father one day left without a trace, leaving him and his mom devastated. His mom became depressed and hopeless. From a young age, He became all cheerful and bubbly, to make sure his mom wouldn't be depressed or worried about him. He was a mediator and this led to him having a difficult time opening up to others. Despite owning a bright personality, he did feel quite lonely.

you knew about this too and you were the only one who knew.

You two confided in each other. Despite feeling like the world was against the two of you, you were both happy and content knowing you both had each other, even promising that you would never ever leave each other one day.

You would never imagine beomgyu drifting away from you. You would never, ever let anything get in between your friendship.

That was what you thought until sophomore year rolled around.

You and beomgyu still hung out together after school everyday as usual. It was simply a routine you’ve gotten used to. But some things were about to change.

It was one fine afternoon after school. You only had a half-day schedule for school and you were hanging out with beomgyu in his house. The scorching sun was glaring over your town, the heat was hotter than ever.

You sat in front of the electric fan to get some cool air to beat the hellish heat of the weather.

"Hey hey hey! give me some of the fan too, you're not the only one suffering here." Beomgyu jokingly yells and sits himself down next to you, slightly pushing you to the side.

"like I care, get your own fan." You push him back and you put your hands on the fan, continuing to hoard it from him.

"Come on! Sharing is caring." You two start bickering over the fan until beomgyu just decides to remove the plug.

"If I can't have it then no one can! and also we could've just turned on the ac."he says and lightly laughs before grabbing the ac remote and turning it on.

You get up from your seated position on the floor and plopped yourself on your bed.

He lays himself near you and places his head on your lap. He closes his eyes and clasps his hands together, resting them on his stomach. You both remain silent for a few minutes. The sound of the air con buzzing being the only thing heard in the room. You take a moment to take in beomgyu’s facial features.

He’s cute, you thought

You felt your heart skip a beat. Was he always this good-looking? You couldn’t lie, you always found him quite good-looking but why did you start to feel something different at this moment? maybe he was just looking extra different today?

Do I have a crush on him? Oh, come on maybe I just find him good-looking, that’s all.

Your stare at his lips and notice how soft they were. Oh, how badly you wanted to kiss him at that moment. You’ve never kissed anyone before nor have you ever felt like doing that.

Impulsively, you lean in closely and cup his face before planting a kiss on his lips. You feel a sense of warmth and comfort in the kiss. Beomgyu kisses back and gets up from his position. You wrap your arms around his neck. Beomgyu pulls away and flicks your forehead.

“Earth to y/n?” You were taken back into reality as you realized you’ve spaced out while staring at beomgyu the entire time. He furrowed one of his eyebrows in confusion.

y/n that’s weird what the fuck?

You look away immediately and bring your hand to your mouth, feeling embarrassed. A tint of red painted on your cheeks and you shook your head ,trying to get over that moment in your head. You feel weirded out over your thoughts.

What has gotten into you, are you insane? Ew kissing your best friend, really ?

“Daydreaming about me?” he teases and gets up, leaning close to your face. A bit too close. Your heart starts beating really fast, nervousness slowly taking over you.

“ew get over yourself gyu.” You scoff at him and shoot him a glare.

“Yeah okay okay.”Beomgyu laughs at your reaction and proceeds to lay down on your lap again.

“Hmm do you have a crush? Anyone caught your eye in your class? You’ve been crushless since forever.” He mentions and you scratch your head.

“No, and like I said crushes are stupid. Like I've always said, I literally don’t care about that stuff, just a waste of time. Besides, nobody would like me and I like it that way.” You say.

“Yeah okay, ms. anti-romantic.” he rolls his eyes jokingly.

“Oh shut up, not like you had any either throughout high school, you got multiple girls and even guys in line who want to date you but you’ve never batted an eye to any of them. Ooj wait..do .you like someone?”You chuckle before raising an eyebrow to tease him.

“Well..actually..I don’t know. There’s this girl I’ve been thinking about lately.” Your eyes widen in shock and you feel your heart beat going fast again.

“Oh who’s this girl?”You ask and he bites his lip before sitting up.

“secret…I’m not even sure about it plus I think it’s just irrational and temporary whatever. I highly doubt she’ll ever like me back and I’m just kinda scared..”

“Beomgyu you’re just like me, of course crushes and romantic love would feel irrational but I don’t think you have to be so scared.”

“But this crush feels different..it’s weird? I’ve liked people purely because I found them cute but never really felt you know..that certain way. Like for the first time, I actually feel like wanting to date someone.” He looks down and plays with his fingers nervously.

“Gyu you know, you’ll be fine! I know I also have these issues too but you know what, go get this girl. You never know, she’ll like you back and maybe a relationship wouldn’t be so bad after all.” You say and pat his back to reassure him.

“But I don’t know..she’s confusing too but whatever. Ugh whatever crushes are just stupid and unimportant I kinda don’t wanna talk about this, let's focus on something else.” He shook his head and turns towards you and a smile was once again plastered on his face.

“All that really matters to me honestly is that no matter what, you’d be by my side forever. I know it’s kinda cheesy but let’s promise each other that we’ll never let anything get in the way of our friendship, not even our crushes or lovers! “ Beomgyu says and raises a pinky in front of you.

You wrap your pinky around his and nod. “We’ll forever be the strongest force of the universe.” You both laugh.

His phone buzzes next to you and you look over, multiple texts from soojin flashing on the screen.

“Oh gyu, someone texted you, uh soojin?"

You pass his phone to him and he looks over and grins while typing on his phone.

“Oh who’s soojin?”

Beomgyu looks up. “oh uh she’s actually a girl from my class, she’s new in school. I've been talking to her a lot lately, she's pretty cool and kinda cute." He says and shyly scratches the back of his head.

Oh is she perhaps the girl he has a crush on?

you feel a small wave of a strange emotion wash over you and your heart starts beating fast.

what the hell does this mean? It's nothing deep. Why is my heart beating so fast? It doesn't matter, really. But God why do I feel a bit Mad? Upset?

Jealous?

Day by day, you felt a shift towards on how you felt towards beomgyu. Some moments were you felt your heart skip a beat being near him. Each and every time you guys hung out, you started feeling butterflies in your stomach.

And that’s when you knew it, you liked him.

You tried to deny it multiple times but your thoughts were just full of him. While the butterflies occupied your stomach and thoughts of him flooded your mind, the feelings of fear and love clashed in your heart.

You were so scared. How could it come to this?

You feared that it would ruin things between you. Scared that these feelings would bring nothing but destruction to your relationship. He was your best friend and the one person who mattered the most to you. But a part of you also wished he’d never like you in the same way. It would probably only complicate your relationship. And you didn’t want to lose him over that type of love.

A part of you also thought maybe you could be the girl.

However you also started to notice how he got closer to soojin. You believed that maybe she could be beomgyu’s mysterious crush. He often talked about her to you. You asked him if he ever had a thing with her and he’d always deny it.

As it turns out, she was someone close to perfect. She was a student who thrived in all aspects in school. She was extremely popular around the school , being a student who was the top of her class, active in school organizations. She was well-liked for her lovely personality and gorgeous looks. You talked to her a few times and you could sense she had a strong and lovely aura.

Something you weren’t. You thrived academically, but you weren’t popular or that active. You didn’t exactly have a super warm or loving personality either.

He’d never like you. He probably likes soojin.

You would often see the two of them in the school hallways together. Even rumors flew that they’ve been secretly dating each other. But beomgyu would tell you if they did, right? But why did you feel slightly hurt?

It wasn’t like you wanted him to like you back anyways, right? He could do whatever he wanted.

At some point, the two of you were barely meeting up, you didn’t completely drift apart, you were still seeing each other once or twice a week but it just wasn’t the same. He started cancel on you, saying that he was busy over extra circulars at school. You figured he just started to be more active at school.

Your birthday was coming up and you were supposed to have a sleepover movie marathon like you two would always do. You were quite excited for this day every year for it was one of the times in the year, you and beomgyu enjoyed the most and it was something he would make sure to never miss.

You both were definitely hiding something from each other.

The bell finally rang, signalling the end of your last class. You excitedly thought about your movie night as you packed up your things. It was your birthday and after a whole week of waiting, your seeing beomgyu.

But unexpectedly, he texted you that something urgent came up in one of his clubs so he had to cancel. You sighed upon opening your phone and reading his text. You felt your spirit was down upon seeing that text. It was the day you’ve been looking forward to all week and it got cancelled just like that.You were quite upset but you understood anyways, it’s just one birthday anyways.

You were about to exit your class but you feel someone tug your arm by the door. You stop and turn to your right and see soojin, grinning at you.

“Hey y/n, we need to talk, do you mind sparing a few minutes with me.”she asks.

“Sure..”you nod and smile.

She looks inside the classroom to check if it was empty before grabbing your wrist and dragging you inside. She closes the door behind her and the expression on her face drastically to a scary one. You feel goosebumps and you start to feel nervous.

“y/n I need you to stay away from beomgyu. Please stop seeing him.” She says in a serious tone.

“Uh why? Who are you to tell me that plus he’s my best friend?” you ask, a bit confused.

She steps forward and glares at you. You were shocked at her sudden hostility.

“We’re dating, and I don’t want other girls around him, understand?If you’ve been wondering why he hasn’t been hanging out with you lately, we’ve been seeing each other a lot for awhile.”You felt your heart drop. He lied about being busy with school?

“Oh dear, do you like him?”She asks and steps forward, her glare sending shivers down your spine.

You remained silent with your head hung low, scared to speak up.

“Oh just give up, you’re nothing compared to me. You’re nothing but a best friend to him I promise. And girls and boys just can’t be friends, you know. You’re just getting in between me and beomgyu.” She chuckles before continuing to taunt you. You feel tears forming in your eyes.

She is right, beomgyu would never like you in that way. You can’t just be friends.

“O-oh okay, I’m sorry.”You nod and gave in. A smile is once again plastered on her face. But the smile you once saw as a seemingly warm and kind one instilled fear in you now.

“Thank you, dear. Thank you for making it easy.” She turns around and leaves you standing there.

Tears start falling down. You never wanted him to like you back, you wished for that to never happen but you felt so hurt. But you felt so conflicted. You didn’t know if it was the fact that he didn’t tell you they were dating hurt or perhaps the fact that he was actually in love with someone else hurt you.

You thought you couldn’t get worse, as you exited the classroom, rushing towards the stairs. You catch the sight of soojin and beomgyu sharing a kiss through the window inside one of the other classrooms.

You felt your heart ache but you walk past the room like you’ve witnessed nothing. Beomgyu saw you and as you walked towards the school gate you feel someone grab your wrist.

“y/n wait I need to explain things to yo-”beomgyu tries to catch his breath before trying to explain the situation but you were somehow so enraged you just cut him off.

“You told me you were busy, not dating around! It would be okay with me but remember we promised we’ll always be honest to each other but you lied to me beomgyu.”It was a rare for you to ever get angry. The tears continued to stream down your face and beomgyu felt his heart ache at your state.

“No y/n listen, we aren’t dating and I’ll make it up to you for missing your birthday I promise..please don’t be like this!” You turn around and continue to walk away. Beomgyu continued to chase after you, with you just completely ignoring him. His grip on your arm was getting tighter. Your rage was building up and you just turned to him again.

“Beomgyu just stop! So what? I don’t want to talk to you, just leave me the fuck alone! ”You yell at him and beomgyu loosens his grip on your arm. You notice tears starting to form in his eyes and he looks down at the ground, feeling guilty. He froze on the spot and mutters a small “sorry..”

You walk away once again and on your way home, the tears just continuously flowed down. People were side-eyeing you as you walked home, questioning why a teenage girl was crying so hard. But you didn’t care, and all you could feel was guilt and despair. You just lashed out on your best friend and lost him for reasons that you knew weren’t so bad enough to be infuriated.

But you felt that it must’ve been the best decision.

It was best to follow what soojin asked, maybe if you continued talking to him, it’ll only cause problems.

You also knew this might have probably been the only way for you to get over him.

Right? You just need to hate him to forget the feelings you’ve garnered for him the past few months.

But was it really worth it losing him?

From that day on, you both avoided each other like you never once knew each other.

If only you two just properly communicated. So many unspoken words between the two of you. You and beomgyu were afraid to speak up and all those years of friendship went down the drain. The promise you both agreed on was broken.

If only one of you swallowed your pride and just talked it out, things would be okay but just like that.

You guys became strangers to one another.

≡ masterlist │next.

a/n: ik some things might’ve been confusing but a lot will be explained in the next part !! this is also written only from reader’s pov after all :))

#beomgyu x reader #beomgyu angst #beomgyu au #beomgyu fluff #txt angst #txt fluff #beomgyu series

45 notes · View notes