#literally begging people to get a dog that is right for their lifestyle please | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

keilemlucent · 4 years

Text

long days for bad people

(r18+)

hawks | takami keigo x reader

ao3

word count: ~6k

Being a prized, adored possession was far better than you thought it would be.

warnings: light daddy kink (no age play, just the name in mostly jest), spit kink, crying kink, degradation, brief descriptions of blood + violence, kidnapping (consensual?? read a/n), brat taming, light sadomasochism, mind break, praise kink

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here it is, mafia au, villain hawks, dom, brat tamer, soft(?!) hawks. what more could you want?

there’s briefly described kidnapping at the beginning of the fic but it is reiterated throughout that this is consensual! no yandere/stockholm stuff in this fic.

i’ve been working on this one for a while and i’m happy to finally share it. hope y’all enjoy!!

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You shouldn’t have fucked around with the League.

God, it was common knowledge in the parts of town and circles you inhabited. Of all criminal syndicates, mobs, to fuck with, the League wasn’t one of them. They were known for their complete cruelty and violent delights. The League had such a reputation due to the fact that they openly left bodies carved up and burnt as they pleased.

But, you were a fucking idiot and got involved anyways.

It was a small loan, Giran almost seemed to scoff when he gave you the cash. You and your almost-stranger of a roommate were just very late on some bills and were going to lose a lot of material items if you didn’t scrounge up at least two paychecks in about three days.

You swallowed your pride and took the first and easiest loan you could get. That just happened to be with gap-toothed, wide-grinning Giran of the League. He, you knew from what you’d heard, was somewhat fair in matters like yours.

You had two weeks to pay him back.

...

You didn’t make it in time.

You were close to the amount, notably. You scrounged and clawed your way into getting the cash back. You weren’t much of a pickpocket, but you snagged some odd jobs around the apartment building that you and your roommate were still fortunate enough to keep a room in.

After one particular job, a nasty carpentry gig that you weren’t qualified for, you returned home tired and worn.

Sure, you were a day late on payment. But with this last gig, you were so close. The League would have to pity two, stupid, stupid young girls?

They didn’t, you realized, as you stepped into your apartment.

Your roommate's slain corpse was laying over the arm of your cheap couch, eyes vacant and mouth dripping blood onto the old beige carpet.

You dropped to your knees, horrified and completely stunned.

“You should’ve known better,” it was a hum from across the room, from a figure you didn’t even know was in the room until then. “Really, you’d expect folks to be smarter.”

Your mouth dried as the figure moved from the nighttime shadows, flashing a dazzling smile and ruffling crimson wings.

Hawks.

You’d heard of him, everyone had. Terrifying, fast, precise, and cutthroat. He took orders and didn’t ask questions other than snark. He talked too much, fucked too much.

“W-wait,” You didn't know why you were pleading, but you had to try, right? “I’m so close, wait—”

Hawks sauntered up to you wielding one of his feather blades, the red of blood mixing with the filaments of his feathers.

He crouched down in front of you, tsking, “I don’t like begging, angel. I’ll make this quick for you. Your friend there?”

Hawks jerked his finger behind to your dead roommate.

“She fought, pleaded, begged, all that normal shit I don’t like hearing when shitheads like you two don’t make payday,” his voice was slow, talking about death like some casual thing. “I’ll make this nice and fast if you don’t run your mouth anymore, how about that?”

You swallowed, nodding.

The small percentage of your brain that was fully functioning figured dying quickly was a much better way to go than whatever the hell had happened to your roommate. There was far too much blood for that to be quick.

Hawks hummed, the tip of his feather blade tipping up your chin so you were forced to meet his gaze. You vaguely heard the pitter-patter of your tears hitting the carpet below. Blood rushed in your ears as you stared death in the face.

Hawks appraised you.

You watched the metaphorical cogs and wheels turning in Hawks’ skull as he looked you up and down before flashing forward, gathering you in his arms and flying from the apartment.

Your first thought was obvious as you clung to him in the open air:

He’s going to drop you and kill you.

When you screamed, tears growing thicker, he slapped a gloved hand over your mouth, “I’m giving you an out, kid. Trust me. You’ll prefer this over death.”

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Your new existence was certainly better than death.

If you were ever caught and convicted of any of the illegal things you participated in, you’d be fucked, thrown into prison until you rotted, until you were just dust and bone.

But, until then, you worked for the League.

You had groveled at the feet of their leader, Shigaraki, hands clasped on your lap, claiming your worth, or maybe lack thereof. Not many attachments, not many people who’d miss you, a semi-useful quirk.

With a boot shoved into your skull, he sneered that you’d be the League’s new errand dog.

The real reason they accepted you was due to the threatening air Hawks was exuding and the fact that their old ‘errand bitch’ had died the week prior. They needed a new body to act as a civilian and do things that only an unsuspecting-looking ‘civilian’ could. You fit the bill, and Hawks had taken a liking to you.

Oddly, working for the League was actually pretty okay.

You got your own room. It was small, but you only had to share a bathroom with the somewhat unhinged Himiko, but she was fairly nice once she warmed up to you. Everyone lived in the League’s HQ and went about their business, getting drunk at their bar front each night.

Most of the mess happened at night, but it was important to put on a nice veneer and keep spirits high. Not to mention that no one would dared to fuck with the League, anyways. The cops and federal government had long been paid off due to the resources that the League had acquired for them.

You felt somewhat untouchable.

A lot of this confidence was due to the fact that you had become Hawks’s... Keigo’s...

‘Songbird’

As he liked to call you, anyway.

Keigo was the general, loveable annoyance of the League, but his connections were invaluable and his skills were unmatched. Despite how he could grate on people (read: Dabi and Shigaraki), he was respected and feared just as much as everyone else was, if not more so. And being his metaphorical and literal pet had its perks.

Sure, the first time he had you come to his ‘office’ and he fucked you against the window until it was smeared with cum and blood was a bit surprising, but god, if you didn’t fucking love it. Being Keigo’s personal fucktoy came with protection, pleasure, and a surprising amount of genuine attention. The dude was lonely, and so were you. The two of you made a good ‘couple’, if you could even call yourselves that. The sadism he doled out was always counterpointed by affections that did seem genuine.

Keigo was fond of you, and you of him. Maybe your brush with death had twisted something in your head, to even allow yourself to get close to a man like Keigo, but you couldn’t make yourself care.

You were comfortable and content.

...

[bird boss]: hey babe ;^) get to my office in the next thirty minutes

[you]: what if i don’t

[bird boss]: do u really want to find out

[you]: ...

[you]: im just curious

[bird boss]: don’t get cheeky songbird

[you]: u make me wanna u know

[you]: i know it gets you riled up

[bird boss]: tread lightly kid

[you]: oooo i gave you some guff over text

[you]: what’re you gonna do about it?

[bird boss]: use your imagination

[bird boss]: 25 minutes now, songbird

[bird boss]: don’t make this worse for yourself <3

You set your phone on your cheap duvet, quickly primped yourself to see Keigo. He wasn’t too strict about your appearance but wearing dark clothes and some of the more expensive gifts he’d gotten you over the months he’d been screwing you never hurt. Something about ownership with him always got him hot and bothered.

You tried to remind yourself frequently that Keigo saw you as some sort of possession, but a possession with feelings.

Meandering through HQ was always a bit daunting, despite your protections. Your skimpy outfit choice and hardly-hidden lingerie made you feel a bit more like an object than you liked too.

There were hardly hungry mouths around the League, they kept you all fed, but god, were there starving eyes.

Dabi wolf-whistled as you walked past him through a common room, shouting something about how Keigo was collecting his pound of flesh for the day. Maybe a line or two about being a whore, but that was all flavor at that point. Keigo called you far meaner, more sinful things. And hell, it wasn’t like Keigo hadn’t... shared you on more than one occasion.

Maybe you were a little fucked up for enjoying your lifestyle to the degree you did, but why not indulge where you could? Life was far shittier scraping paint off old fences and picking up cans to just scrape by.

Opulence was a breath of fresh air. And if you were Keigo’s fuck toy? Then, god, you were Keigo’s fuck toy.

When you arrived at Keigo’s office, you knocked gently on the door, quickly adjusting your skirt and blouse.

The door opened, though no one was behind it. Only a single one of Keigo’s feathers allowed you entrance.

His office seemed daunting and extravagant for a man who did most of his ‘work’ in far-shadier, far-bloodier places. The walls were covered in mirrors and old paintings, something out of vanity and pride, knowing how Keigo saw himself. There were several black leather couches scattered around against walls, some stained by your various... activities. There was a broad desk parallel to a back wall made entirely of windows.

Night had fallen, leaving the room lit by a few lamps and warm fixtures.

“Hey, boss,” You hummed as you stepped in, shutting the door behind you just before the lingering scarlet feather flicked the lock on the door.

And the other one.

And the deadbolt.

You swallowed thickly.

As much as you enjoyed a lot of the perks of your... position, it was also daunting.

Keigo was daunting, all bloody colors, vanity, and hunger.

He sat behind his desk, wings puffed up, and partially extended over the back of his chair. The desk chair was massive, specifically acquired so that you would have enough room to properly straddle his lap for hours on end if he so wished.

Keigo idly clicked around on his desktop computer. He leaned slack and back into the chair, legs spread wide and exuding casual confidence that reeked of his own ego.

Keigo normally wore a mix of black and red, as edgy as it was. He liked to seem clean, hide the stains of sanguine that undoubtedly lingered on him no matter how he tried to cleanse himself. His black slacks were pressed, the seams pristine. The black shirt he wore was rolled up to his elbows, the buttons of his red vest undone as well. His black tie hung half-undone and limp around his neck. His tousled gold hair was mussed as normal, ruffled by his flights. His feathers might’ve needed preening, but you doubted that that was the reason he called you to his office.

And based on the deep set of his brow and the sickly smile on his lips, he was already on edge and in a mood.

“Songbird, come over here, will you?” Keigo sat back from his typing, watching you from across the room. He took you in the same way a parched man sucks down red wine, greedily and soon to be fucked. “On my lap.”

You complied, despite your earlier attitude. You padded across the room, going around his desk.

As you moved to straddle his lap, worn hands gripped your waist. His amber eyes gave you a warning, crinkling at the edges, “Not like that, sweetheart. Do daddy right.”

Oh, so it was one of those moods.

Maybe you were Keigo’s sexual punching bag so he could exert control on something he could later kiss better and patch up.

Sure, he was going to fucking ruin you, but part of the fun with him was that the more it hurt, the nicer he was after. And, all things considered, with some of the... other folks the League brought in to satiate its member’s desires, you fared far better. Keigo cared about you, in his own particular way.

You tried to lean over his lap yourself, but his hands and feathers positioned you perfectly as he wanted. With the tight grip he had on your waist and shoulders, dragging you just as he liked, it was easy to see his need for control.

Your head hung off of one of his thighs as you squirmed in his lap. His bulge already pressed into your ribs, a wonderful reminder of the reward you’d reap later on. Keigo’s hands gathered your hand to the small of your back, a feather replacing their grip a moment later.

“Sit with me while I finish this shit,” Keigo grumbled, going back to clicking the desktop. His leg bobbed absentmindedly, his free hand rubbing over the curve of your barely-covered ass. “Be a good girl, (Y/N). If you can stand that.”

He laughed under his breath.

You let your head dangle limply downwards, blood rushing to your cheeks.

You’d thought you’d be in for more of an ass-kicking, but it appeared Keigo was taking things unusually slow. You knew better than to complain, but kicking up a bit of metaphorical sand couldn’t be that bad, right?

“I dunno,” You hummed, kicking your legs lightly. “I don’t think you like it when I’m a ‘good girl’, daddy.”

“Watch it.” A single, sharp smack to your butt was hardly enough to shut you up, but Keigo did so all the same, rubbing over the covered flesh a moment later, “I’m not in the mood.”

“Are you sure about that?” You wriggled, intentionally pushing up against his growing erection.

His breath stuttered, a smirk pulling at the corners of your lips. The hand on your ass didn’t rear again, rather Keigo kept thumbing smooth circles as he continued to click around on the computer. He might have been actually doing work. Or, he was ignoring you, egging your sass on.

“If you didn’t want anything, why’d you call me in here?” You asked, way too cheeky for the way Keigo’s body was practically vibrating underneath you. Pissing him off had consequences, of course, but you weren’t in the mood to play ‘good girl’ that day.

“I told you, I want you to sit with me,” Keigo pinched your ass. “But, you’re too mouthy to do just that one thing. You’re usually better than this.”

“Am I?” You played innocent, craning to give him a wide smile. “Hadn’t noticed. What I am noticing, is your already-hard cock, dear.”

“Oh, ‘dear’?!” Keigo paused on the computer. “Cheeky. Cute.”

Keigo would just dig in more, lean in, before ‘snapping’, if you could call it that.

You gulped as his hand swatted at upper thighs, his nails almost knicking your skin.

“Up and don’t get smart about it.”

Oh, you were going to be remarkably smart about it.

You rose but hardly stayed upright for long. Sliding down to your knees, you pushed at Keigo’s legs, “Wouldn’t you prefer me down here? Just for a treat while you finish your work?”

Keigo clicked his tongue, gaze flickering down to you, “Fine. Behave yourself.”

Yeah, right. You both knew that that wasn’t going to happen.

You were already tucked underneath his desk, undoing the fly of his pants.

You pulled his cock from his trousers, pumping his cock to full hardness. Smearing around preek for a bit of extra flare before inching forward.

Wrapping your mouth around Keigo’s dick was somewhat of a feat— he had a decent girth to him, so you usually took the opportunity to warm him (and yourself) up with a bit of tip-kissing and kitten licks.

But, you were feeling bold.

You spit on his dick, a move that normally would have earned you plenty of verbal snark, but anything Keigo could’ve said to you was swallowed as you took his cock down to the back of your throat.

You sucked around it, massaging the vein on the bottom with the flat of your tongue. Drool began to pool at the side of your lips as you let the head bump your throat, gag reflex be damned.

All the while, Keigo had stopped moving above you. The fabric of his trouser balled up in his ringed-fingers as he gazed half-lidded down at you.

You smiled around his dick, looking up at him innocently as you began to slowly bob your head. His wings fluttered, twitches and air stirring around you.

Keigo stifled a laugh, a hand tangling in your hair, “All that talk earlier and now you’re treating me to a blowjob without even me having to tell you to? Dove, you’re too much.”

You pulled off of him to reply, “I can only try.”

Before he could reply, you spit on his dick again, and went back to slurping around him.

You held the base of his cock in your hands, twisting and spreading spittle. It almost felt like your actions were for show, but Keigo’s eyes were rolling back in his head all the same.

You smirked.

A drool pool from your mouth, puddling in your lap and soaking your skirt. Not like you weren’t already dripping from the sinful sounds Keigo stopped trying to hold.

“A-ah, that’s it, angel,” Keigo fucked into your mouth with his hold on your hair. “Just like that.”

Your hand rose to play with Keigo’s balls, teasing at the sack as he cried out a high moan above you.

Considering the performance you were giving, it was unsurprising to feel him tensing above you. You’d been on your knees for him hundreds of times; you’d learned to see the little twitches and puffs of breath he’d give when he’d get close to coming.

You pulled off his cock with a pop, detangling the hand from your hair in the motion. It was all fast enough that Keigo couldn’t have stopped you in his hazy, pleasure-filled state.

Based on the look of rapid disbelief he was giving you, your trick had worked well. Knowing Keigo’s... tendencies made you hesitant to push him too much in the past, but for whatever reason, you were feeling stupidly bold.

Consequences.

“Sorry, daddy,” You wiped at your mouth with the back of your hand. “Didn’t feel like swallowing today.”

Keigo’s disheveled appearance was more than gratifying. Knowing how easily you made him come undone by that point was one of the perks of your position.

His hair was more than ruffled, strands and tufts chaotically curled around his cheeks and ears. There was a bright blush on his face, spreading from his nose to the apples of his cheeks, down his deck. At some point, he’d popped the buttons at the top of his shirt. He was covered in a sheen of sweat, half-panting and based on the darkness in his brow and the far-too peachy smile on his face, Keigo was fucking pissed.

His wings stood on end.

You gulped from below him.

Maybe you pushed your luck too far.

Maybe.

“You’re playing real cute today, aren’t you songbird?” Keigo didn’t move, but his feathers twitched above him, wings flaring out even farther. “Real fucking cute.”

You were fucked.

Good.

A few feathers flew from Keigo, one snagging at your wrist, wrapping around it, and pulling you up from the desk.

You wobbled as you stood, dragged across the room as Keigo leisurely followed behind you. When you tried to set your own pace, Keigo swatted your ass with a huff, “You never learn, huh? I thought I’d trained you better than this.”

You opened your mouth to spit some dickish retort, but you were cut off as Keigo’s shoved you onto one of the leather couches.

“Don’t.” Keigo’s tone was acidic as he stood over your, wings still flared out. “I told you I wasn’t in the mood for your cute bullshit, dove, and you still decided to test your luck, huh?”

You kneeled on the cushions, sucking down air, shaking with anticipation.

“You don’t feel like swallowing today? That’s fine, I can work with that,” Keigo shrugged easily from above you.

Keigo had an... active sexual imagination, and you could tell by the crook in his lips that he had something devilish planned as retribution.

A sharp slap came down on your cheek, Keigo catching the opposite jaw and keeping you from recoiling too far. You blinked as the pain spread around your skull like licking flames against a frostbitten body.

You wanted more.

A little grin stretched against your mouth as Keigo rubbed at your cheeks with his thumbs, “Aw, you always get so sweet like this, dove. You can be a good girl if you try, can’t you?”

His actions carried candor and his words absolute torment.

Despite how Keigo was trying to goad you into submission, you had a bit of spark left in you.

Plainly, you spit on him.

The glob of saliva landed on Keigo’s cheek, under his eye.

He blinked at you.

You continued to smile.

His own expression grew strained.

“Oh, songbird,” Keigo damn near lamented, wiping away the kind gift you’d given him. His voice was smooth without any bit of waver, all of the sexually-charged anger rolling just beneath the veneer. “You’re just being pain slut today, aren’t you?”

You were, absolutely. You could feel your arousal wetting your panties, the heat of the strike from your cheek beginning to boil something in your gut.

“You just need a bit of special attention today, right? That’s all.” Keigo tsked, fully removing the tie from around his neck. “You just need a little reminder.”

“Reminder of what?” You asked, tilting your head quizzically.

Keigo flipped you, feathers pushing and bracing you as needed while nimble hands tore off your clothes without reverie.

“Plenty of things, especially with this attitude you’ve got today,” Keigo’s tie looped around your wrists, binding them together at the center of your back.

“You definitely need a reminder of who’s the boss around here,” Keigo shoved you forward, stomach flush with the back of the couch.

You reeled from the pace of it all, shifting your knees for any bit of stimulation you could get. Keigo’s feathers were slicing and pulling your clothes from your body faster than you could keep track of. It was overwhelming, making your mind swim in the best possible way. You throbbed.

“Maybe a reminder about who fucking provides for you,” Keigo’s own clothes were shaken off, dropped to the floor and forgotten.

It was true. Keigo always made sure than you were taken care of, in more ways than one. Despite how fast-paced and laid back he could seem, he was always on top of making sure you had more than enough material and immaterial pleasure whether than be in the form of food, fucking, or otherwise.

You yelped as a smack fell across your ass. A feather caught the elastic of your panties, snapping a moment later, leaving you fully bare before him.

Keigo’s worn hand came to press at your throat and jaw, tilting your head back as he climbed behind you, “Maybe, you need a reminder about who keeps you safe.”

This phrase was softer than the others, a sweet kiss pressing to your cheek and his voice a bit more gentle. It was jarring at the skin still stung from his earlier strike, but you cherished the heat besides.

Once again, true. The folks in and outside of the League were greedy. There were plenty of unwanted souls that stole glances at Hawks’s prized songbird. There were starved eyes that tore into you whether you were dolled up for Keigo or not. There had been some... close calls, one could say, but Keigo always was there, in the end, unafraid to get his hands dirty.

“You know what the most important reminder is, dove?” Keigo rolled his hips against you, cock wedging between your thighs.

“N-no,” You stuttered, brain turning gooey as Keigo’s arms snaked around your waist, sharpened nails leaving indents in your hips.

He nosed at your neck, leaving a few love bites in his wake.“‘N-no’, what?”

“I don’t know,” You leaned back into Keigo’s chest, rubbing your thighs around his cock.

“Oh, songbird, you sweet thing,” He chuckled, all teasing and self-indulgent. “I’m the one who makes you feel good.”

He was so right, wasn’t he?

With the way he’d learned your body over the last few months, he’d had some undeniable pursuit to make you feel the best.

Keigo was inquisitive by nature. He had kept you on your back for hours while he finger-fucked you, watching every twitch and roll of your hips to figure out just the right ways to break you. He’d kissed and sucked and slapped every inch of you, sussing out the perfect ways to make you writhe and cry for him.

Sure, you were an absolute terror to him sometimes. Not to mention that Keigo jumping you covered in the blood of that day's targets was as macabre and horrifying as it sounded.

But, fuck, if he didn’t know how to bring you to ecstasy that fucking ruined you in the best way.

Keigo got off on watching you shatter for him. It was the reason he’d torn you from that cheap, bloodied apartment in the first place. A kind, naive little morsel that he could play with as he wanted. You didn’t complain. Fuck, you reveled in his attention. You gave it back to him, like the fucked up, semi-divine being could be any more debauched than he already was.

Corruption spreads, but you’d never complain. If being plucked from struggling for pennies to being fucked stupid by a man who could kill you at a moments notice, a man who would kill for you, somehow poisoned you?

You’d die with a bitter taste on your tongue and a smile on your face.

Keigo rubbed at your clit, nipping at your neck, and rolled his hips greedily. His cock was covered in a mix of your slick and his own preek, easily sliding between plushness of your thighs.

“You love pushing me, acting all tough,” Keigo chastised, clicking his tongue. “I mean it when I say it's cute.”

You don’t have any more quick retorts in you, not when his fingers are down your throat, gagging you as spittle dribbles down your chin onto the leather below. It was sure to leave a mark.

“Behind all that bark and snark, you’re just a good girl, aren’t you?” Keigo punctuated his words with a bite and nip to your neck. “Just needed a reminder, right, dove?”

You whimpered against his fingers at the praise, grinding against Keigo’s touch needily.

His fingers pushed pinched your tongue, breath curling over the shell of your ear, “What are you?”

You mumbled against his fingers, “A g-good g-girl.”

It was humiliating in the best way. Keigo’s light laugh at your attempt. The way he nuzzled his nose into the sweat at the crook of your shoulder was just aloe on the burn.

“I misspoke, if you can believe that,” Keigo’s cock pulled out from your thighs. “Songbird, you know what I meant to call you?”

You squirmed at the loss, but he was quick to hush you. His fingers left your mouth with a thick trail of spit.

“You’re my good girl.”

You melted in his arms.

Falling back against Keigo’s chest, you craned your neck to lock your lips to his.

Maybe that was it, why all the filth didn’t bother you. Because you had worth. Maybe it was insecurity, or maybe it was self-aware in the face of your lived experience. Before being taken, the life you’d lived made you just a rusty cog in a dying machine. You wouldn’t have amounted to anything, probably.

But with the League?

You were the prized, beloved consort of an angry god.

Keigo owned you, body, mind and soul, and you let him. That’s not even to mention how you had him wrapped around your finger. He adored you, under all of it.

Fighting with him was for sport, not blood.

Keigo licked past your lips, pressing his cock to your cunt teasingly. You whined against him, wriggling in his arms.

“What does my good girl want?” Keigo loved making you beg for him, claw for any bit of stimulation. He liked it even better when you were already soft for him.

Stray tears pricked at your eyes, “Y-your cock.”

He pinched the meat of your thigh, shaking his head, “Not good enough. Speak properly, dove. Clear and correctly.”

You swallowed, searching for the words in your own haze.

Your words were willed to be solid.

“I want your cock, daddy.”

It was just enough.

Keigo pushed forward, the head of his cock already stretching your cunt. Consider the girth of it, the lack of preparation stung and burned more than you would’ve liked, as good as it felt to finally be filled.

Keigo cooed at your soft tears, keeping your face to his with a firm hand on your jaw. He shushed you, far too sweetly while licking the salt from your cheeks, “Relax, angel. Big breaths.”

You nodded, sputtering as he speared into you. Keigo’s free hand went back to toying with your clit, encouraging the tension to drain from your body.

As he bottomed out, you shuddered, falling back into his chest. Keigo’s wings fluttered, twitching in wait. Hot breath fanned over your face, Keigo groaning and locking his jaw.

The stimulation was overwhelming. You had expected Keigo to be meaner, considering how mouthy you’d been.

Yet, it made sense. Keigo had figured out one of the better ways to make you break was softness.

(Truthfully, it made him crack in the same way, but he’d never tell.)

“Feel that?” He asked, just barely rolling his hips.

Keigo released your jaw in favor of wrapping a hand around the front of your throat, tugging you as close he could manage.

“Uh-huh,” You panted.

You could, the kiss of his cock head against your cervix was almost uncomfortable. The delicious pressure and sensitivity already had you reeling in his arms, unsteady and wanting.

“I fill you up so good, don’t I?” Keigo praised his own ego, his cock, but he wasn’t wrong. The curve of his cock rubbed against all the right spots. He stretched you just right, the burn ebbing away into a need for more, more—

“Please, Keigo—” You gasped. Your legs shook as Keigo slammed into you, shoving you forward and into the wall.

His pace was brutal. Hands and feathers kept your back in a harsh arch as he rearranged your insides to his liking. He was kind enough to keep stroking at your clit, bruising your hips and babbling filthy nothings.

“I’m the one who makes you feel this good, only me, right, dove?” Keigo growled into your ear with a particularly hard thrust.

You nodded against the wall, aware of the drool slipping down your chin as your mouth lolled open. Your insides were hot like white flames, searing any ability to use coherent speech.

Keigo snickered at your state. Slowing, he gripped your ass cheeks. You yelped, inside jumping as he pried them apart. You flinched, hole twitching as he spat down, the liquid cool against the flushed skin.

It was little moves like that, Keigo just subtly making your shudder and feel dirty that got you the most fucked up and fucked out.

You pressed back on his cock, panting against the wall and keening. You would’ve spoke, if you could, but anything that you had the ability to say would’ve been torn apart by Keigo’s sharpened, silver tongue.

“My filthy little dove, huh?” Keigo sneered, watching you try to bounce on his cock the best you could. “Such a glutton when you get broken down like this, needy whore.”

The pleasure of Keigo’s cock tearing up your insides was all you could focus on through the fog of your mind, desperate and wanting and greedy.

“Y-your,” You corrected, the words bubbling from your lips, disjointed and messy. “Yours.”

Keigo may have been avian, but he purred like a damn cat at your admission. He held you like a possession, cock throbbing as he fucked you just right.

“God, you’re sweet, angel,” He nipped at your jaw before wrapping his hand around your throat. “Even all fucked up, you know who you belong to so well, don’t you?”

You nodded, rolling your hips back.

Keigo must’ve taken pity on you, squeezing at the sides of your neck. Cruel as he could be, he must’ve noticed the way your thighs and knees trembled against the leather. Keigo knew the cloud in your eyes well— how to get you hazy and how to fuck you perfectly through the fog.

He fucked back into your dripping cunt, pace harder and faster than before. You were helpless to do anything other than fall forward into the wall, cheek squished against the scarlet.

“Who’s brat are you?” Keigo squeezed a bit harder at your neck as you swallowed against his palm.

“Y-yours—!” You squeaked out, mind going numb from the stimulation and pressure.

A wicked sneer curled against your ear as Keigo’s movements grew sloppier. His tongue lolled over your shoulder, messy kisses and slobbery bites and marks left in his wake. He was close, but you weren’t far off easier.

“Little bird,” It was sweeter, closer and hotter. “Can you come for me? Come all over my cock?”

You nodded.

“Not good enough.” Keigo bit down, nearly breaking the fragile skin of your neck. “You know I like words, angel.”

You gave him words, plenty of them.

Nearly incoherent pleads and cries poured from your bruised lips as Keigo pounded into you. Each blabbering wail was met with Keigo groans and grunts, condescending little phrases spitting over you without release.

Your lack of leverage and use of your arms made you thumping against the couch and wall, vision darkening on the edges as the pressure in your gut and the hold on your throat remained.

You were breaking in his arms, tears rolling down your cheeks as you held yourself from cresting. The exertion of it all was taking its toll, legs jellied and chest beading with sweat.

Keigo sensed it, shifting his hips to hit the spongy spot in your cunt, “Come, dove.”

You let go.

A sob shattered in your throat as your climax crashed through you. Keigo released your throat, holding you by your bound arms as he bottomed out. His own harsh cry panged against yours as he stuffed you full.

Surprisingly gently, he rocked his hips against your own, letting the ambient throb of your cunt milk him dry.

You came down, rolling and spinning as you sucked down air a bit too fast. Keigo panted behind you, though the sound seemed dull.

The pressure from your wrists released, soft thumbs rubbing at where the fabric had bitten into your forearms, “Hey, angel, you with me?”

You could only nod weakly, exhaustion and aches creeping in.

Keigo repositioned the two of you, setting himself against the arm of the couch, wings up free to drape and splay over the floor. He dragged you with him, pulling you to lay on his chest. The stickiness of his spunk, your slick, and general sweatiness might’ve been uncomfortable, but you weren’t quite lucid enough to care.

“How are you feeling? Still feeling a little mouthy?” Keigo teased, already knowing your answer.

You muffled a groan against his chest, shaking your head against the sweat of his chest.

“Awww,” Keigo chuckled, fingers brushing over your cheeks, “Is my dove a little fucked out?”

“Keeeigo, b-be nice.”

Your voice broke, parched.

Keigo snorted, pressing a kiss to the side of your forehead, “I guess I can manage that. Just for you, though. Can’t let the others see me get all soft.”

You wouldn’t; seeing Keigo warm and gooey, both of you mutually fucked-out, was a pleasure only you got to indulge in. And you loved every moment of it.

++++++++++++

taglist: @sinclairsamess (msg me if you’d like to be on it!)

ko-fi

#salem writes #hawks x reader #takami keigo x reader #takami keigo #hawks x y/n #hawks x you #takami keigo x y/n #takami keigo x you #mha smut #mha x reader #bnha x reader #hawks #hawks smut #hawks fanfiction #takami keigo smut

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years

Text

𝑀𝑎𝑓𝑖𝑎! 𝐴𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑧: 𝑆𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝐵𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑘𝑠 𝐼𝑛𝑡𝑜 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑊𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑃𝑟𝑒𝑔𝑛𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑊𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝐼𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, supporting, justifying or encouraging mafia activities or lifestyle. This is all fictional and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

°• ✾ •°𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓰°• ✾ •°

You were currently locked inside a secret room in your mansion. Hongjoong specifically had it made for situations like this. Even though the possibilities of someone finding you were slim to none, you were still frightened. You just wanted Hongjoong to get there as fast as he could and comfort you.

As if on cue, the door opened and Hongjoong appeared. You immediately got up and held onto him as if your life depended on it, the tears you've been holding in now finally pouring out.

"Shhh calm down honey, it's ok. I'm here now, don't cry." Hongjoong ran his fingers through your hair in an effort to comfort you, get you to calm down.

"I was so scared. I kept thinking they'd find me and maybe harm me or our.."

You couldn't finish the last part, but Hongjoong knew what you meant when you placed a hand protectively around your baby bump. He smiled at you softly and put one of his hands on top of yours.

"I promised that I'd take care of you both and I'm not breaking that promise. Don't be scared anymore, I won't let anyone hurt either one of you."

°• ✾ •°𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓢𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝔀𝓪°• ✾ •°

Seonghwa was currently trying to discuss a possible merge with another gang. Things seemed to be going pretty well, both sides satisfied with what the other had to offer. They were finishing up details on the contract when one of Seonghwa's men burst in, interrupting the meeting.

"Sir! Your wife just called! Some enemy broke into your house!" The man exclaimed, trying hard to catch his breath.

Seonghwa completely forgot about the meeting. Not wanting to waste another second, he ordered his car to be ready as he ran out of the room, some protests and groaning heard from the other people in the room.

But Seonghwa didn't care. You and the child you were carrying were his top priority. That's how he went well above the speed limit so he could reach the house in time to save you. Once making sure you were both all right, he started packing a few things.

"I'm taking you to stay somewhere else. I'm not risking anything again."

°• ✾ •°𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸°• ✾ •°

At first, Yunho wasn't going to take the call, but when they told him it was you, he immediately took it, knowing you wouldn't interrupt a meeting if it wasn't an emergency.

"Baby? What's wrong? Is everything ok? Oh my god! Please don't tell me the baby is already on the way!" He kept rambling on.

"No, not that. However ..... we have a little problem..." You stated.

"What kind of problem?" Yunho asked.

"Well, I heard glass shattering in the living room, so I went to look-"

"You went to look?! What if it was someone breaking in?!" Yunho scolded you.

"Well you hit the nail on the head, it was someone breaking in." You sighed.

"What?! I'm on my way! Stay calm! I'll bring back up just in case." Yunho was already grabbing his car keys.

"Can you also bring one of the medical staff?" You asked kinda sheepishly.

"Why?! Are you hurt?! Is our baby hurt?!" Yunho felt like he was getting a heart attack.

"No....but the guy who broke in is. You see, I was in the kitchen, so before I went to check, I was holding a frying pan.... and I may or may not have hit him really hard on the head with it and....well he ain't moving." You confessed rather awkwardly.

Yunho stood silent on the other line, trying to process all of this. He didn't know whether to laugh or get mad or just continue freaking out.

"Well I guess it's good to know you can still defend yourself. I'm on my way."

He shook his head as he hung up.

"That girl is gonna be the death of me."

°• ✾ •°𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓮𝓸𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓰°• ✾ •°

Yeosang kept fidgeting his finger on the armrest of his chair. He couldn't concentrate anymore on what was being said at the meeting. His mind was thinking about you, worrying about you and your baby's safety. He knew he could trust the men he sent to go help you out, but he was still worried about you. Perhaps he should have gone himself, he kept thinking that.

One of his men quietly came up to him and whispered.

"Your wife is safe. We found the intruder and we have locked him up. You have nothing else to worry about."

Yeosang released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He thanked the man before excusing himself from the meeting. He neglected you for too long. Upon seeing you, he ran to you and hugged you tightly.

"Thank God you're both all right!"

You could tell he was becoming emotional so you smiled to ease his worry.

"Yes, we're fine. Nothing happened." You assured him.

He took your hands in his and looked down.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there myself..."

You leaned up and kissed his cheek.

"I trust you Yeosang, you know that. I know that even if it's not you personally, you'll still protect us no matter what. That's why I'm never scared." You confessed.

Yeosang felt immensely happy when you said that. He kissed your forehead and held your growing belly.

"Thank you for never doubting me or my love for you both."

°• ✾ •°𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷°• ✾ •°

San burst into the house, not caring that he literally busted his own front door down. He signaled for his men to quietly search around, not wanting you to be more frightened than what you probably already were. He searched in your bedroom.

"Y/N?" He called out to you.

Slowly, you peeked out from underneath the bed.

"San?" You asked.

"Y/N! What the-"

He walked over and pulled you out.

"Out of all the places, you choose to hide underneath the bed? You could hurt yourself or our baby!" He began fussing around as he gently rubbed your barely visible bump.

"Oh relax. I'm not that far along yet, and leave me alone! I panicked and that's the nearest place I could think of." You pouted and crossed your arms.

San chuckled at how cute you were and cupped your cheeks.

"You're so adorable." He pecked your lips.

One of his men interrupted you two.

"Sir, perimeter is clear, no sign of any intruder anymore."

San's smile disappeared and was replaced by a scowl.

"Fine. Search for any clues that could give out their identity. Report back to me when you find something." He ordered.

"Right away sir."

San turned back to you, who was standing with a smirk.

"What?" He asked.

"Your duality seriously is no joke." You teased him.

San giggled and pulled you into a hug, kissing your cheek repeatedly.

"I'm just really soft for you and our little jelly bean."

°• ✾ •°𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲°• ✾ •°

"Mingi! I think someone broke into the house!"

Your voice echoed through the entire room, as Mingi had put you on speaker.

"What?! What do you mean?!" He asked.

"There's a mess all over the living room and kitchen! The couch is ripped up and several furniture is turnt over!" You were shouting now.

"Oh my god! I just heard some shuffling..." Your voice suddenly went quiet.

"Baby....just stay down and we'll be there." Him and the other members were already getting their guns ready.

"I see something moving in the corner! It's still here! It's it's-"

"Just lock yourself in the safe room!" Mingi interrupted.

"It's a dog?" You suddenly said.

"What?" They all asked in unison.

"Yeah. It's a dog." You repeated.

"What kind of dog?! Does it have a collar?!" Yunho asked happily.

"I think it's a golden retriever, let me get closer."

"No! Don't get close to it! It could have rabies!" Mingi warned you.

Suddenly the sound of something falling was heard.

"Y/N! What happened?! Do I need to call animal control and put the dog down?!" Mingi asked frantically.

"No! Don't put it down!" Wooyoung begged.

Your giggles were heard, making everyone confused.

"It's licking my face! And he's so cute! Can we keep him?!" You squealed.

"If you say yes, can we help name it?!" San asked.

Mingi pinched the bridge of his forehead, trying to calm down.

"Well this was certainly a very entertaining meeting." Seonghwa laughed.

°• ✾ •°𝓙𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓸𝓸𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰°• ✾ •°

"So uh... don't freak out Wooyoung..." You started off.

"Oh no. Every time you tell me not to freak out, it's cause it's something worth freaking out about. So what is it?" He asked.

You sighed. "Ok. So while I was sleeping, someone broke into the house."

"What?! How?! Do you know who it was?!" He began asking, already gathering some people to go with him.

"No, I was sleeping." You calmly said.

"How could you have been sleeping?!" He exclaimed.

"Hey! Being pregnant makes me tired and when I'm asleep, I'm practically dead!" You defended yourself.

"Ok fine! But are you sure you didn't hear anything?" He asked.

You face palmed on the other end.

"Wooyoung... I told you! I was asleep! I didn't see or hear anything! I only know that someone broke in because the front door knob is broken." You responded.

"Ok that's it. I'm installing better security and hiring someone to watch you while you're sleeping since clearly, anyone can just come in then hurt you and you won't even notice till you're dead." He said, his voice raising 2 octaves.

"No! I won't be able to sleep if I know someone is watching me." You cringed.

"Fine. I'll watch over you and our baby then." He said decidedly.

"That's even worse!" You shouted.

"It's called making sure you're alive! Goddamit woman, stop being so difficult." He screamed back.

°• ✾ •°𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓙𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝓸°• ✾ •°

Jongho looked back and forth at you and the man currently tied up to a chair in front of you both.

"Run that by me again?" He asked, unable to believe your story.

"It's simple. I heard someone looking through some documents in the office, so I went to go check-"

"That was already a pretty stupid decision." Jongho cut you off.

You glared at him.

"I took a weapon with me!" You exclaimed.

"Yeah! The expensive vase that my mom gave to us on our anniversary!" Jongho gestured to the broken pieces of porcelain scattered around the floor.

"Well it was the closest thing I had in hand! Besides it worked! Knocked him out long enough for me to tie him up and wait for you to get here." You were actually proud of yourself for being able to handle the situation like you did. Jongho always said you were tiny and couldn't protect yourself, that's why you needed him.

Jongho sighed and looked back at the guy next to them.

"I mean.....I'd asked you to confirm her story, but I think you tied up basically sums it up."

The guy only nodded.

"Are you going to torture me now?" The man asked.

"Listen my man, you got knocked out by a tiny and pregnant woman, you a grown man. I think you've suffered enough humiliation for one day." Jongho snorted, but he was also proud of you for protecting yourself and your child.

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners.

#ateez #ateez reactions #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho #ateez mafia au #mafia!au #mafia!ateez #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines

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hypmicdaydreams · 3 years

Text

𝗟𝘂𝗰𝗸𝘆 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗺

-pairing: dice arisugawa x gn!reader

-genre: fluff (?), a bit of gambling action

-summary: dice’s lucky dice have lost their charm and no longer work; however, he’s sure that you’re his one true good luck charm, though you’re skeptical about that

-word count: 6.3k

it was such a common sight that you had grown accustomed to in the past few months that you had dated dice, yet it never failed to surprise you each and every time at just how careless he could be. dice, on his hands and knees before you, was, yet again, begging you to spare him just a few more yen so that he could go to the pachinko parlor down the street and try his hand at the new machine that they had just installed. he swore that he’d get a jackpot this time, he felt it in his gut. lady luck was finally on his side. how many times has he claimed that though? surely over a hundred by now, considering that this sight happened about three or four times a week.

“pleeeeease y/n. i just need a few yen. i just know that i’ll hit the jackpot for sure this time! i promise to pay you back.”

a sigh escaped your lips as you heard those words again, glancing at your hopeless boyfriend. he really did have zero shame bowing down on the ground like that, begging for a few scraps of money to feed his gambling addiction. surely his debt with you racked up close to thousands of yen by now, and that was probably a generous estimate. it’s not like you minded though. you had no doubt, however, that dice would pay you back if he won big.

if.

dice’s luck wasn’t exactly the best lately, having lost everything he’s managed to save up in a matter of minutes. then again, you couldn’t quite recall when the last time his luck ever was good. it seemed to just be a string of bad luck for dice, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for the bad luck spell he was in. surely it must’ve taken a toll on him, right? maybe he’d stop gambling for a bit, try to save up some money first rather than betting something so obscure and irrational, like his life (you’re still astounded by the fact that he bet his life just to get a hypnosis microphone). but dice just loved proving you wrong. see, dice wasn’t a rational person, not in the slightest. logic and reason bothered him to no end, so he defied the odds. i mean, what fun would life be if everything was meticulously calculated. every day would be the same dull and lifeless routine, and dice hated the mere thought of such a lifestyle. you didn’t mind his outlook on life at all, in fact, you even supported it to a degree. you just wished he’d be more careful with his, er, hobbies.

“didn’t you say that the last time though?”

“er-” dice flinched once he realized he’d been caught red-handed, having been shoved into a corner by the very thing he hated: logic. “w-well ya, but! i really do think i’ll win big this time. it’s a gut feeling.” ugh, you grew to despise that word: gut feeling. everything was always determined by either luck or his gut when it came to dice. it was truly spectacular, really. you did love dice, you really did, but you couldn’t help but be concerned for him. his gambling tendencies were just a bit too much at times.

you had tried to ignore his pleas, tried your hardest to set your foot down and not give in to those puppy dog eyes he loved to use. it hurt to see that you were only feeding his gambling addiction rather than try to help him solve it. at that moment, however, seeing dice begging on his hands and knees and the look of desperation in his eyes overrid your sense of judgement. it hurt even more to see just how desperate he was for a couple hundred yen. he just tug on your heartstrings like that!

“well...fine.” you couldn’t help but stifle a giggle when you saw just how quickly dice’s expression changed from desperation to one of excitement. if he had a tail, you swore it’d be wagging. deep down, you scolded yourself for once again falling for his tactics, but could you really blame yourself? dice was just too lovable to turn down. “but on one condition.”

“hm?”

“you take me with you.” you really couldn’t predict how dice would take this news, but you certainly weren’t expecting him to smile even wider. i mean, why would he even want you in the same vicinity when he was gambling, especially when there was a large chance he’d lose yet again, and after having begged you for money once more. yet, that sounded like quite a deal to dice, who was practically over the moon at this point. not only does he get to feel the thrill of gambling once more, but he also gets to enjoy it with his lovely partner. it was like killing two birds with one stone. maybe you’d even begin to understand his love of the thrill. ooo, this was so exciting!

“heh, is that all?” to be honest, dice was expecting a much worse condition, such as never cooking for him again if he lost or never gambling again. geez, just the thought of it sent shivers down his spine. he’d have hated if he was given an ultimatum between either you or gambling. then again, that would’ve been an exciting bet. all or nothing, huh. now that gave him goosebumps. “you don’t have to worry about a thing. we got lady luck on our side after all,” dice confidently said, taking out his good luck charms, a pair of dice, from his pocket and throwing them into the air. he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he’d win big this time.

“gahh! what the hell??” dice practically shouted, although the other pachinko players seemed to pay no mind to him. it was rather common to find someone bet their entire life savings then lose them all within an afternoon. sure, it was a terrible sight, but the other players found their games to be much more important. you win some you lose some, that’s just how life worked. then again, the loud noises and distracting colors probably drowned out any connection to the outside world they may have had, however weak it was in the first place.

dice had, yet again, lost big time at the machines. standing behind him, you shook your head in disappointment. you knew that this exact scenario would play out once he had dragged you to a nearby pachinko parlor. those machines were literally designed to feed off of people’s tendency to think that they’d win big the next round. “tch, i was sure i’d win this time…” he took out his so-called lucky dice and threw them at the machine in frustration. you had been right, as much as he hated to admit. his luck had been garbage lately, which was only perpetuated by the fact that he lost his imaginary bet with you that he’d win. his good luck charms now brought on bad luck instead, and dice couldn’t help but get irritated. this entire time, they never let him down! but now...now they were just dead weight. the pair of dice had lost their touch. they were no longer good luck charms but rather just plain old dice.

“i knew this would happen,” he heard you mumble, which only irritated him further. dice just couldn’t seem to win a single bet, no matter how lousy or small. he never was one to let a spell of bad luck discourage him, but he couldn’t possibly be confident all the time. everything was finally catching up to him, and what made it worse was the fact that you didn’t seem to believe in him. it was the icing on the cake. “let’s head back home-”

“w-wait, just one more time! please, i’m sure we’ll get it this time.”

“you’ve said that the past four matches.”

“er-well...” dice had to think of some excuse fast if he wanted to stay here. sure, he may have lost everything he had begged you for, but maybe you’d be willing to lend him a few more yen? dice did doubt it, but he just couldn’t leave the parlor, not yet, not when he hasn’t won anything at all. maybe, just maybe, his luck will turn around this time. he was holding on to the last bit of optimism he had. “t-then, how about you play for a change?” even if he couldn’t play, maybe you would win big for the both of them. after all, you’ve never gambled before, or at least not that he knew of, so you must have some sort of beginner’s luck, right? well, this was his only chance, and dice was going to bet on it.

you, on the other hand, were quite taken aback at this sudden development. you, gambling? it didn’t really sound right. besides, you’ve taken a look around the place, and uh, needless to say, you felt a deep pit form in your stomach once you saw the desperation on some faces. you didn’t want to go through that same feeling as them. casinos weren’t fair, after all. they were rigged to make more money for the house, and you really didn’t want to play into their scheme. yet, you didn’t have the heart to explain that to dice who seemed so eager. “um, i don’t think that’s a good idea. i don’t even know how to play-”

“it’s simple, i’ll teach you.” you internally groaned. just great. now you were wrapped up in his plan to make you guys stay longer at the parlor. you mentally cursed yourself for being so oblivious to it all, and now you had no choice but to play along. once again, you’d fallen into his trap. “you just gotta put some money in here, pull the lever, and aim for that place right there,” dice pointed out, nudging you into the seat as he simultaneously explained the rules. if this works out just as planned, dice could see himself leaving this place with a couple thousand yen in his pocket. gosh, he was getting excited just thinking about it. you, however, seemed a bit hesitant at first, so dice tried to massage and pat your shoulders, you know, for reassurance. it’s just a quick, simple game of pachinko, what could possibly go wrong?

“like this?” you asked, pushing down on the lever which sent a ball flying into one corner of the screen. with its landing, the machine lights started flashing (it was enough to induce a headache), and a rather good sum of metal balls came spilling out of the machine.

“woah, you just won a couple thousand yen!!” dice practically screamed, which didn’t help when you had just been blinded by many colorful bands of light. he couldn’t contain his excitement and was quite literally visibly shaking from all the adrenaline that just flowed through his body. you just stared at the screen, dumbfounded at what had just happened. did you really just win? on your first try?? there was absolutely no way that was possible, right? a few of the other players stopped and quickly glanced at all the commotion, although that didn’t last long as they were soon back to staring at their own screens and attempting to earn some cash. “hey, hey, pull the lever again!”

“um, ok?” once more, you pulled the lever, and the lights started flashing once again as a few more metal balls came spilling out of the machine.

“holy shit—talk about some beginner’s luck!! you just won a few ten thousand yen! gah, you must be so lucky y/n!!” dice didn’t even attempt to hide his shouting at this point, though you truly wished he’d stop shaking you, especially when the entire world was still spinning. honestly, you couldn’t quite comprehend what was happening right now. the blinding lights were nothing but a haze, and the loud machine noises introduced a sharp ringing in your ears. “press it again! you still have metal balls left.” you couldn’t quite remember the last time dice was this ecstatic; well, that time dice was practically starving and the look on his face when he saw the feast you had cooked for him did come close, but this one took the cake.

“uhh, i think i’ve had enough excitement for today,” you groaned, holding your head which hadn’t stopped spinning from the first time the lights went off. this whole thing was a bit much with all the colors and loud noises and whatnot. how dice was able to keep up with this environment you didn’t know. honestly, you sorta respected him now. not just anyone could stomach this type of atmosphere.“why don’t you take over and complete it for me?”

“don’t have to ask me twice, heh.” immediately after getting up, dice took your seat and began pressing the lever in no time at all, concentrating immensely on the tiny balls and aiming them at what you hypothesized to be the center for the jackpot. ball after ball kept landing on a few spots, which resulted in another couple thousand metal balls, though dice seemed to pay no mind to them and instead kept smacking the lever. now, this scene was stirring up quite a commotion, and you were pretty sure everyone’s eyes in the parlor were on you. there were even a few murmurs here and there from the employees which, needless to say, didn’t help your growing uneasiness.

“what’s even going on?” you asked aloud, though you weren’t really expecting an answer, at least not from dice who seemed to be on a roll. his eyes were only on the pachinko machine now. damn, you wished dice looked at you the same way he looked at that machine at this instant. that was the largest grin you’d ever seen. and finally, at the very last ball, dice hit a jackpot.

instantly, dice’s eyes widened, and a loud “YESS!!” echoed throughout the parlor. the lights and noises increased in intensity, and everyone now was practically circling around dice, pushing you out of the group and onto the floor. you were certainly much more flabbergasted than anything else at this moment. dice, your dice, finally won the jackpot? this certainly couldn’t be a dream. hell, that’d be some dream in the first place. the world never stopped spinning, and all of the voices and cheers and shouts were incoherent and merged together. what the hell would even happen from here on out? you never imagined dice winning the jackpot, and on the day you decided to attend of all times.

“y/n, y/n!!” you heard dice shout, and in a flash, someone had grabbed your arm, hoisted you up from the ground, and the next thing you knew, you were snuggling into dice’s chest. “can you believe it? we won haha!” as much as you wanted to congratulate dice on his huge win, it was difficult to say anything. for one, you were way too nauseous, and the bright spots that clouded your vision, as well as the consistent annoying ringing in your ears, didn’t help. secondly, dice was clinging on to you way too tightly. you were pretty sure that he was cutting off your airway, but he seemed to not be aware of that. “damn! you really are my lucky charm.”

after that entire incident, dice had started calling you by a new nickname: his good luck charm. you weren’t even entirely sure why, assuming that everything that occurred back in the parlor was nothing more than a mere coincidence. it was just a coincidence that you were there, and it was just a coincidence that he had managed to hit the jackpot that same night too. to be honest, you didn’t really believe much in luck. sure, there was a few good luck or bad luck spells here and there, but you attributed that to nothing more than a series of coincidences. i mean, luck was such a complex subject when one pondered on it for far too long, and it just didn’t seem highly plausible that a person could have a series of good or bad things happening to them all at once. was that even statistically possible? well, if it was, there was no doubt that the chances were very slim.

as aforementioned, however, dice despised logic. it was just too boring, so he truly believed in luck. there really was a being such as lady luck that toyed with him and determined whether he’d win or lose. and that entire pachinko incident was his good luck finally making a comeback. perhaps you were even luck in disguise! i mean, he’d been in such a bad luck spell that he couldn’t even win on simple bets such as a coin toss (yes, he was that desperate), but when you were right by his side, all of a sudden, he was swimming in cash. there was only one plausible explanation for such a phenomenon, and to dice, it was luck. this entire situation was just so rivoting!

and today again, dice had managed to bet off and proceed to lose all of his winnings from that day. honestly, that was a rather huge accomplishment in and of itself. dice truly didn’t know the definition of self control. you sighed to yourself as you felt a massive headache coming on as you sat in your home, wondering to yourself where your boyfriend could possibly be at such a time. it was nearing ten at night, and although you’d naturally assume that he was at a casino betting away anything he had on hand, you hadn’t seen him all day. he hadn’t been answering his calls from you either, which you did find a bit odd and concerning since that was one of the things he always managed to do without fail. just where could he possibly be?

as the saying goes, speak of the devil and he’ll appear. just as you were getting more and more concerned about the whereabouts of your boyfriend, your phone suddenly rung, and to your relief, the contact id was that of dice. relief immediately flooded you, although anger followed soon after. he’d disappeared for the entire day, with no urge to contact and inform you at all, yet he was finally calling now, when you were about to retire for the day? you really tried not to get angry, especially since you were much more worried than anything, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to contain your anger.

that all dissipated, however, when you heard dice’s voice over the call. “y/n!!” for some odd reason, dice sounded relieved and also a bit terrified? well, that was new. dice never backed down from a challenge, and he always managed to face them head on with total confidence in himself, even if the chances of winning were slim. sure, he’s had his fair share of disappointment and lack of confidence in himself when it came to gambling, but he never sounded fearful. you quickly became much more concerned than beforehand.

“dice?? where are you? and why haven’t you been picking up?!”

“uh haha...you see, about that-”

you really did love dice, you truly did. despite his obsessive gambling tendencies and airheadedness, dice had a heart of gold and stood up for what he deemed was right. he was quite admirable at times, really. but god, this incident made you believe otherwise. you knew that dice was quite foolish and spontaneous at times, especially when money was involved, but you couldn’t help but still be baffled when he explained that he was stuck in some sorta underground gambling ring (you had no idea how he even found out about all of these schemes) since he’d gambled all of his current earnings away. of course, you knew that dice would gamble away any spare penny he had on hand. that in and of itself wasn’t a new or surprising fact (though he always did manage to pay you back if he did win). but an underground gambling ring? really? you couldn’t help but question why he even chose to go to one instead of heading on over to the usual casino where practices were, at the very least, legal. it surely would’ve spared the two of you a headache.

despite the fact that every single rational cell in your body was insisting that it was too dangerous to go to an illegal gambling scene, you threw all that logic out the window. sure you were quite a bit irritated with dice at the moment, but you knew that you had to go save him. he was still the man that you loved after all, even if he did make less than smart decisions at times. certainly you were one of his only chances he had to be saved, unless he did call upon his teammates, though you assumed that they were quite busy at the moment or asleep.

“alright, where are you at?”

“gahh, you’re such a blessing y/n! thankyouthankyou-”

you could practically picture his enthusiasm over the phone once you heard how relieved he sounded. just imagining a grinning dice waiting for you made you smile. he was just too adorable. you couldn’t possibly stay mad at him for too long. god, you really were a lovesick fool.

when you arrived at the scene, the first thing you couldn’t help but notice was just how musty and humid the entire atmosphere was, though it wasn’t that much different from your usual casino. the only difference was that this place was rather bleak and lifeless in comparison to the bright and migraine-inducing colorful and bright mess of the casino. plus, the people that surrounded this place were rather unsettling. you couldn’t pinpoint whether it was because of their malicious smiles or gruff appearance, but all you knew was that you couldn’t wait to get outta here as soon as possible. hell, if it weren’t for the fact that dice was located deep inside, your instincts would’ve kicked in, and you would’ve been sprinting to the other side by now. but alas, you had to suck it up and go inside, if only to get to see your man again.

down the creaky and unsafe stairs you went (you were positive that they were going to cave in on you at any moment) and right past the dark hallway, you were finally able to see dice, laying on the ground in nothing but his underwear. you sighed once more, something you realized that you’ve been doing a lot of lately. of course dice had bet his clothes again. you weren’t even exactly sure why you had expected anything else. in front of him sat one large table filled to the brim with all sorts of cards and dice, and behind that were a group of rather large men that you assumed to be the ones who ran this entire operation. geez, you really couldn’t wait to get outta here.

“y/nnn!!” dice called out a bit too loud as he motioned you to come forward before practically throwing himself on you. “gah, thank heavens you actually came!!” you were just as excited as him to finally see each other again and to see him safe and alive, but it wasn’t exactly the best place to have a heartwarming reunion, not with all of the other guys staring at the two of you embracing. things were just way too awkward, especially since these guys had basically won over all of dice’s savings and whatnot.

“alright then, now that i’ve found you, let’s go back home,” you quickly muttered, taking dice’s hands in yours as you started on your way back. as much as you would’ve loved to stay and have a quick chat with the others or even attempt to win back dice’s clothes, every instinct in your body was telling you to run outta there while you had the chance. sure, it was a shame that dice had to lose his iconic coat and overworn clothes, but frankly, you thought that the value of both of your lives was much higher than some ripped pants. you’d be more than happy to go buy some new clothes for dice just as soon as the two of you were outta this underground room that gave you goosebumps. you weren’t exactly sure whether or not these guys posed a threat, but it was better to not take any chances.

“uhh, about that…”

oh no, it was those dreaded words again. of course there was some kinda setback. there was always a setback in these situations where a person was trying to go back to the comfort of their own home. you quickly snapped towards dice, only to be met with his sheepish smile, which only deepend once he saw the glare in your eyes. honestly, this entire situation was just getting more and more frustrating with each passing minute. all you desperately wanted was to get back home safe with dice in your arms, but of course, there were obstacles (there has to be some sorta plot to this entire story after all). geez, you felt another headache coming on.

“ya see, um, you gotta win your right to leave…”

for a good few seconds, all you could do was stare dumbfoundly at the man you loved, trying to process what he had just said. surely this was all one big joke, right? “what?! then why did you even come here in the first place?!”

“i didn’t even know about the rules until after i had started! forgive me y/n!!” just as this story started, dice was now on his knees, this time begging for your mercy. gosh, he genuinely does seem sorry for putting the both of you through this entire situation. besides, you knew that he meant well. dice was just a bit naïve and airheaded at times, always getting caught up in the excitement of it all rather than to stop and think about what exactly was going on. it was one of the qualities that you loved oh so dearly about him. dice never really intended to put himself or you in harm’s way; rather, he was just chasing excitement and the adrenaline rush. gahh, you couldn’t stay mad at him for long. plus, the sight of him begging for your forgiveness and the sincerity in his voice broke you, and you even began to feel a bit guilty for him. god, you really did love this fool.

“it’s alright,” you mumbled, helping dice up from the floor while patting him on the back for reassurance. you weren’t mad, at least not right now. you’d have plenty of time to air any grievances once the two of you were back home safe and sound, but right now, you had to focus on the problem at hand. dice, on the other hand, seemed rather relieved that you decided to help him. deep down, he knew that he was in for it the moment the two of you got back to your place, but of course, he was determined to make it up to you. dice really felt so blessed to have someone as kind and understanding as you as his lover. “soo, what do i have to do in order for us to go back home?”

the next thing you knew, you sat in front of a roulette table with a couple of the ring leaders on either side of you as well as on at the head of the table. roulette was a game that you were quite familiar with, although that was only because you had seen dice play it a number of times at the casino. as for actual experience with it, well, you’d hardly played any games with it before. the rules did seem fairly simple, though the terminology was a bit difficult to get used to, and the odds didn’t seem to be making much sense in the back of your brain, which at the moment was overrun by adrenaline and fear. it was hard to even think straight, much less make proper decisions that’d ensure the safety of both you and dice.

“alright, place your bets,” the dealer announced once he’d distributed all of the colored chips. soon enough, the people around you started placing their own chips on different tiled squares and even between them. all of this was foreign to you. i mean, what exactly was the difference between placing a chip at an intersection of four boxes, placing it in a large box, or placing it in one single box? you had no idea about the different types of strategies or the different types of bets, so you decided that your best bet was to go along with your gut. i mean, gambling was all about luck after all, right? it shouldn’t matter whether or not you decided to utilize a strategy since there was no possible way to accurately predict the route the metal ball would take. so, you decided to move all your chips to one square: three.

“oo, a straight bet, how exciting!” dice commented, though you had absolutely no idea what that even meant. just like back at the pachinko parlor, the entire atmosphere was making you quite queasy, and it was quite difficult to pay attention to anything that was going on. taking notice of the rather puzzled look on your face, dice then proceeded to explain. “well, it means that you’re betting on just one number! it’s really difficult to win, but the payout is huge if you do!” ah yes, you should’ve known that it was quite the risky move if dice approved of it. geez, all you wanted to do was get outta here as soon as possible, but it seemed like it would take much longer than that if you kept making risky bets like this.

before you could even change your mind about the placement of your bets, the ball was released, and you were quickly hypnotized by its spinning movement. it was another thing to add on to your nausea and quickly rising anxiety. before you could dwell on it too much, however, as luck would have it, the ball landed on three.

“gahh, y/nn!! you really are my lucky charm!” dice once again shouted, embracing you in a rather tight squeeze. what just happened? was this all a replay of the pachinko parlor incident? surely this was nothing but a mere coincidence, right? luck didn’t exist, or at the very least, you didn’t have extraordinarily good luck. you couldn’t have. the rest of the table quickly turned their eyes to the two of you, glaring at you in particular for having won your first time through.

“i’m sure it was all a coincidence,” you mumbled, trying to ease all of the tension in the room as well as get the others off your back. you weren’t exactly content on making anyone’s hitlist tonight, which didn’t work out the moment the dealer gave you your chips that you had won. wow, it was way more than what you had originally bet too.

for the next game, you decided to once more place most of your chips on a single space, this time the zero one. you knew this time around that this was quite a risky move, especially since if it didn’t land there, then all of the money you had won would’ve been gone. so you decided that your best bet was to keep a small pile of chips and save them for later in case you did lose any. after all, you wanted to ensure that you were able to win back your escape for both you and dice.

and since this is a fanfiction, the ball, once again, landed on your exact spot: zero. dice’s cheer this time was much louder, and the glares from the others were much more cutthroat and icy (you were absolutely sure that you were murdered over a hundred times over just by the intensity of those glares alone). well, that was some coincidence, huh. two times in a row. must be beginner’s luck, exactly like back at the pachinko parlor. yep, that’s all it was, beginner’s luck or just an even stranger coincidence.

“see y/n? i told you that you were my good luck charm,” dice cheekily commented, massaging your shoulders as you got prepared for the next game. “if this keeps up, then we’ll win back everything i lost, and we’ll be outta here in no time!!” it was quite easy to tell that dice was way too ecstatic and high on adrenaline right now, with the way he was bouncing up and down and the fact that he didn’t seem like he could even sit still or contain his excitement. his unchecked enthusiasm really didn’t help ease your growing anxiety or pounding headache. in fact, it made it worse, because he had expectations for you. it would absolutely devastate him if you managed to lose everything in one sitting, and that would have a chain reaction and devastate you as well. gosh, you prayed that this entire situation ended soon and without anyone getting hurt.

and just like that, your prayers were soon answered as you kept on hitting the jackpot again and again the next few rounds. dice wasn’t even attempting to hide his high right now, and the others also weren’t attempting to hide their aggression and resort to violence. there were even shouts that you had cheated, to which dice argued with them while you remained seated, rooted in both silence and fear. your anxiety and nausea were starting to take over, and it took everything in you to stop yourself from projectile vomiting onto the table and ruining the entire game. the others surely would’ve beat you and dice to a pulp if that happened. this entire chain of coincidences was becoming way too much. perhaps this was the luck dice had talked about. perhaps you truly were his good luck charm. well, you were quickly taken out of your thoughts by the dealer, who had confirmed that there was no possible way that you could’ve cheated given that he released the ball and it was all up to chance.

it was on to the final round now, and with this round, you’d finally be able to go back home with dice with all the money he lost and then some. and courtesy of dice’s suggestion, you decided to bet your stacks and stacks of chips on just one square: twenty-seven. you knew that this was risky, hell, you knew that you’d most likely lose everything. but you couldn’t think straight right now. hell, you couldn’t even think at all! everything was becoming way too confusing, and similar to the time at the pachinko parlor, your world was spinning and you couldn’t differentiate between anything anymore. it had all become way too much, so dice had taken over for you. yes, it wasn’t the smartest decision, but you basically had no choice right now.

and with that, the ball was released once more, and within a few seconds the results came out: twenty-seven. you couldn’t help but stare at disbelief as your boyfriend then hoisted you up and started chanting about how you were his luckiest charm, proceeding to then plant one giant sloppy kiss on your lips before going on to receive all of the prize money and his clothing. at this point, you had gotten used to the dirty glares the others have given you. quite frankly, you were just relieved to be outta there, which did happen as the moment dice got all of your winnings, you grabbed his hand and bolted out of that place, never wanting to see that place again. that in and of itself was an adventure of a lifetime, and you weren’t sure if you could take anymore excitement for at least a good few years, all thanks to your adventurous and carefree boyfriend.

the walk back home through the crisp night air was quiet on your part, though dice couldn’t stop going on and on about how you won big and saved his ass, reiterating that you were his lucky charm, luckier than any dumb ol’ dice he had used beforehand. while dice went on his whole spiel about just how exciting all of that was, you were deep in thought about the events that had just went down. there was no way that this series of events was nothing but a coincidence. coincidences don’t just happen back to back! at least, the odds of that were slim to none. guess the only reasonable explanation was just as dice said, you were lucky. but you were quite skeptical about luck! luck was unreasonable, luck wasn’t logical. luck was just that, it was luck. how could you place your hopes on something as strange as that? but how could you possibly dismiss everything that happened both tonight and back at the parlor? no matter how skeptical you were, the proof was right there! geez, now your head hurt too much from thinking about it. sighing, you stared at your boyfriend who was nonchalantly talking about how you were so cool back there, smiling as you intertwined your hands with his and embraced his warmth. you were just happy that he came back safe and sound. you were, after all, his good luck charm, and he was yours too.

#hypmic #hypnosis mic #dice arisugawa #dice x reader #fluff #fic #gender neutral reader #this is actually the first thing i ever wrote for hypmic #decided to post it on dices bday bc why not lol

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mmagazinemoment · 3 years

Text

Why my past loves make me want to look into nihilism as a lifestyle.

Good morning, midday, afternoon, or evening to you my fellow queers and allies and plain and simply gorgeous humans. You see I have already written another version of this edition but instead I have a pure heroine filled piece instead, and you may not be ready for it because it covers a few serious points but it’s also the (fuck your ex) vibe, not literally…unlesssssss * insert meme*. Thanks for joining me again my loves

Why my past loves make me want to look into nihilism as a lifestyle

You ever just meet someone and fall completely into their arms and become almost a complete and utter 3rd leg of the other? What I mean in all seriousness is, don’t you ever feel like the love game grows on you like a drug addiction and I know some of you will see this and be thinking? What do you mean “the love game” I know it’s not a game, a figure of speech as such. Basically, what I’m trying to say is have you ever loved someone so much that you didn’t see the signs of detrimental dysfunction.

Wow that all sounds so serious, let me dial it down a little, I’m just trying this new thing called being uncensored and not caring about preconceived notions of myself from external eyes. Months ago, I was shattered into a million pieces and I won’t blame just him because it was my fault for thinking every relationship or whatever it was, was going to end up like a tv romance, no that’s a lie. I over invested and blamed him for hurting my own self, sure he had something to do with it, but he wasn’t just to blame. Can’t tell me I don’t know how to take accountability (wow I’m funny).

For instance, in a movie you meet and lock eyes with someone and the breeze grasps your hair, when I met said person, I was like ‘omg he’s tall, I’m going to fall in love with a giraffe’ and then I tried to build a home in him, without the investment and time taken to be careful with my time and words of affirmation in efforts to receive reciprocation I never got unless it was backhanded or what I wanted to hear. So how did you perceive your first love? Did he/she/they look pleasing? Or was it the scent of their perfume or cologne? Did they dress in a floral vintage outfit or was it a suit and tie? Ballet flats or sneakers? Tell me? I want to know all of the juicy details!

I know some of you probably didn’t ask or ever want to know but my first love happened in a series of me closing doors journeying through my uneasy sexuality labelling and let’s be real, fuck labels am I right? (unless you find comfortability and closure under a label and with that you’re perfectly valid), Love to me was like heroine and in some senses it still is. When I first learnt of love, it didn’t feel like love, it felt like obligation, perhaps a trend. Love felt like learning all he moves to a Tik Tok dance as fast as possible before the hype disappeared, and it became irrelevant again, questionable reference point but blame social media not me. I was never satisfied.

Keep in mind this was 15-year-old me, trying to gain some sense of validation to seem a little less repressed and not confused because before 15 year old me realised that 12 year old me wasn’t as weird as I thought. I was under this veil of non-transparency and speaking on the subject of transparency I must tell you 12 was the year of age I realised that I wasn’t like the other boys at school, just swooning for girls and getting scared of cooties, I was just begging to be seen by whoever had eyes to care. Sounds dramatic I know.

Nobody was ever there to tell me at such a young age that there were others like me, “different”, the type of boy who watched rebel without a cause and felt weird when James Dean was looking so gorgeous and composed in that leather jacket or admiring Tim Curry when he dressed like no man I’d ever seen on a movie screen in or even real life in the Rocky Horror Show, something sparked in… me. I started on the smallest step I knew, acknowledgement, I knew I could find a home in the fact that there were more people like me, and wow I was right. I was finding comfort in what I knew, I found a few gorgeous women and obviously because of my age we thought that holding hands and a peck on the cheek was all we needed in life from the label of ‘relationship’, but it was only ever a weekly process. Anytime I found ‘love’ I wouldn’t know what to do with it without the chase, like a dog chasing a bone. Even to this day I have never had a successfully long relationship but at least these days it’s not because of my toxic traits, I like to think I’ve grown a considerate amount since I was 15. Don’t get me wrong, neither of those experiences were love? How could they be?

Ironically love happened even ‘after’ I was in a relationship. I had another relationship when I was 17, it lasted a little longer than the prior, it went for a month and a half, I was convinced I loved her, so sappy but you wanted transparency right? I have a lot of it. After that, my ex brought to attention after she cheated on me that I was using her as a sort of beard to cover up the truth about myself, I never knew how to perceive myself until then and that was only the second step, there was so much more to cover.

Skip forward past a few experiences leading up the near current, I met someone, a sort of fleeting romance, now (forewarning, this gets sappy) we talked for a few weeks if my memory isn’t hazy, and we quickly developed something no short of a connection. FaceTime after FaceTime I’d gather more and more pictures of his goofy face and at one stage, I thought I was going to be happy for the foreseeable future, then came reality. You can’t be loved by someone who doesn’t want to face themselves and you can’t help them anymore than what you’re capable of giving out. I didn’t listen to that, naturally things just got worse, and I hated everything…

He would apologise, I would validate his actions to friends who were concerned and realising that I was getting too soon attached and it wasn’t going to end well and I copped the consequences, I still have only recently not found regret in messing up this badly because if I didn’t make that mistake then I would’ve just witnessed those mistakes I made in the lap of somebody else and this is where the saying goes, better the devil you known then the devil you don’t. let me tell you it did more than a number on my mental health before I added up the reasons as tallies against us and internalised what I should’ve subtracted (hehe see what I did there). In all seriousness I wanted the thrill, I sure as hell got one.

Your mental health is amplified by your lifestyle choices and the people you choose to keep in your circle, friendship, or relationships regardless, the whole thing was out of whack and a tornado was nothing less than the accurate definition of where I was at, and it hurt a lot but sometimes it’s best to leave that situation if that person who you thought was going to be there for a while and a necessity to your life ends up being the detriment. (as Ashley Frangipane said) “its crazy when the thing you love the most is the detriment, let that sink in”.

If there is one piece of advice that I want whoever sees this to take with them it’s this, Keep your space sacred baby, you only have one life, but also please do not criticize yourself for getting caught in the motion sickness, sometimes you just can’t avoid it and that’s ok. Life is not a movie, life is more like the behind the scenes extra that puts everything into perspective, it’s rational and shows the hard work put in place to make the art and you should remind yourself as such. Remember also that if you cannot cope with all of the stress that presents itself in your life, that there are people that are equipped to help you hold some of the baggage for you until you are ready to take it back and analyse it. Whatever your grief is, I assure you, you’re not alone.

As always, stay healthy and strut your shit and I cannot stress this enough but keep raging against the machine and the super straights xoxo without the gossip girl, farewell until the next piece of The Mantra Magazine. *keep this in mind* next issue will be a little forward, it will include themes of segregation and war regarding the families of the Palestinians and Israeli conflicts happening right now. So, bring some tissues and an open mind. Farewell.

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alchemist-shizun · 5 years

Text

Nothing changes

Word Count: 1,456

Character(s): Roman

Pairing(s): None

Warning(s): Self-deprecation, toxic parenting, negative thinking, toxic relationship implied

Summary: So. Roman couldn't take all those subtle insults anymore. And what could he do about it? Apart from waiting it out until he could live by himself, absolutely nothing.

A/N: Hope you don't mind a vent fic

✾

Middle school.

Roman had been one of the lucky kids.

Not necessarily liked by every single one of his classmates, but not much disliked by them at all. Bullying hadn't bothered him in any of his school years, in fact he wasn't even sure it happened that frequently in their institute.

He had his fair share of friends, his grades were all pretty high, apart from the occasional maths test impossible to comprehend, he had an older sister that minded her own business and parents that assured him a decent lifestyle.

He didn't have much to worry about, only the normal teenage dilemmas.

« What's that? »

« Huh? »

« You have something on your face. »

Only the normal teenage dilemmas.

Roman had been up for less than an hour, talking wasn't exactly his best skill at that moment, but otherwise, he would have angered his father if he stayed silent, which was the last thing he needed as he was the one to take him to school.

« It's a mole. » no matter how many times he told him, his dad never remembered he had a mole on top of the bridge of his nose. He always said he had a dirty spot.

« No, not that one. » the man pointed his finger on his forehead.

Roman reached and found an uneven spot on his skin. Oh god no, not now. Why did puberty have to hate teens like that?

Well, what did he have to do about it?

His father returned to his newspaper reading on his phone and didn't give out any input: Roman guessed he had to fix it by doing nothing and wait for it to disappear.

Only that, it didn't disappear. It spread into many others along his face and he slowly developed the urge to press them all, to which, eventually, he gave in.

Of course, his dad's derision wasn't late to the party either.

Every single bit of interaction they had ultimately focused on some part of Roman's body he didn't like, anything that wasn't exactly perfect was his ideal easy target. And it wasn't like Roman could disagree, what he said were simple facts that subtly left him feeling offended.

That little speck of time they spent together in the morning before and during their car ride to the school, lunch, dinner, the only times they were around each other were enough of a reason for some criticizing to take place.

He felt his pride sink down with every word, but he hung on his sister's words. « It's normal, he was like that with me, too. »

That meant he was going to stop, right?

He told himself way too many times that his arguments with his father were simple routine during his age for him to believe it anymore.

High-school.

« So, how did it go? » Roman's mother was sleeping on the couch, while his dad sat next to her, brand new iPad in his hands.

Why, you actually care?

« It went well, our art teacher is hilarious. » he eyed him while eating some pasta his mum had cooked as he was coming home. His father got up to get ready for work again.

« Yeah? »

« Mhm. He- » Roman smiled as he was talking. Bad decision, he shouldn't have done that.

The man narrowed his eyes at him. « Wait. » he got closer and basically inspected his face, demanding him to keep his mouth open as if he were at the dentist.

Even with no audience to see that scene, that was one of the most embarrassing things he asked him to do. Suddenly, he was reminded of that one time he had started to sniff his hair like some kind of dog, trying to prove the point that he smelled bad instead of simply saying "hey, take a shower".

« Can't you see your teeth are a bit crooked? »

« I've had braces for five years. »

« I know, but I still don't think they're, you know, perfect. » he marked the last word with emphasis as if he didn't actually mean that word.

« Whatever. » Roman added in a low tone, defeated by yet another imperfection he couldn't fix. It wasn't like that wasn't the first time he told him that.

« What? » his dad's eyes grew hard.

Fix it, you idiot.

Panic rose in his chest, his heartbeat increased and he felt his mind racing. All for an insignificant answer.

« Ah. Nothing important. »

His father eyed the clock and fled the scene as he noticed he was getting late. Shortly thereafter, his mother would have followed.

It went like that for literal years.

His hair, his face, his teeth, his body, his fingers. He talked and his father never listened, he only focused on something to pick on him. Something he could use to graze his self-esteem away bit by bit.

Until nothing about him really appealed him anymore. Until Roman started avoiding mirrors by instinct, until he tried to cover everything with makeup but eventually failed cause he never had enough time.

Until he stopped saying "thank you" to compliments and instead started disagreeing. "I don't believe you", "That's not true", "You're talking about yourself".

He forgot how to accept people's love, which led to him having a twisted version of it in his mind. When his first boyfriend arrived, he thought being more mocked than appreciated was the normality for everybody. He thought having "I hate you" being told to him instead of "I love you" was fine. That the only time his boyfriend ever meant he sincerely loved him had to be in very rare and extreme circumstances and he didn't even remember when that had happened last.

And when he stopped talking to him for days as punishment since he got annoyed at Roman for simply existing, Roman believed he deserved it and coexisted with the anxiety and anguish while waiting for him to come back.

It took him almost two years to recover from that, at least partially.

Two years to be able to love again and know better.

But his father didn't stop. Sure, he might have slowed down, but never ceased to point out the first thing that came in his mind.

Roman developed anxiety at the sole thought of them being in the same room, of his dad stomping his feet while going up the stairs, of when he opened a door with that usual loud noise. His almost constant yelling. Him creeping up behind him to read his messages, him sitting next to or in front of Roman during meals. His father just being there with his forever angered presence.

« Why does your face look like that? »

God please why, I'm just eating, leave me alone, just go to work I beg you.

Roman shrugged.

« Have you looked in a mirror? » as a matter of fact, no. « You're full of red spots, you're going to end up with a ruined face. But if that's what you want. »

The only thing I want as of now is ripping my entire face off, thank you very much.

He felt numb, but at the same time a fiery rage rumbled in his stomach. He just had to ... repress it. Like any other time.

In the meantime, his dad had started making a fuss out of it, calling his very tired wife to take a look at his son and "tell him what they had to do to fix that".

With a knowing look of "yes, I know this is normal, we all went through this when we were young apart form him, apparently", she said nothing and waited for him to stop rambling.

« Well, whatever. Bye. » and, as fast as he came, he was gone, storming down the stairs to get to his car.

And Roman?

Well, Roman sat there, ripping apart a slice of bread the way he would have wanted to rip apart either his existence or his own father. That was a choice he would have left to fate.

He didn't exactly register anything his mother told him, ignoring the same old recording he always went through when it came to his face's imperfections.

He went upstairs and didn't really bother to open the windows or think about the huge amount of studying the had to do.

He laid on his bed in the darkness that his eye adjusted to too quickly. Then, he pulled out his earbuds and drowned himself in music.

The urges he felt and the anger at the pit of his stomach slowly disappeared as he distracted himself with the melodies.

Nothing else really mattered.

#sanders sides roman #roman sanders #ts roman #roman angst #vent fic #sanders sides #fanfiction #ts fic #purp's writings

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ghost-chance · 4 years

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In honor of Neil Elwood Peart, 9/12/1952 - 1/7/2020

The reports are not a hoax. Neil Peart has died...brain cancer. The music world won't be the same without him. More than that, I owe this man my life...literally, as in, if not for him, I would be dead. In his memory, I’ve decided to share this story.

This story is personal and it’shard to tell, but it’s entirely true. Back when I was an angsty teen dealing with angsty teen problems (and, tbh, a lot of problems most people are lucky to not face until adulthood) Rush’s music was the soundtrack I lived my life to. (Yes, I’m somewhat dating myself here.) As silly as it sounds as an adult, I practically idolized Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson, and Neil Peart; I lived my life in accordance to the lessons in their music and their stories and looked up to them as role models of a sort. I exercised to Marathon and By-Tor and the Snow Dog. I read to Rivendell and Tom Sawyer. I powered through homework with YYZ and The Gangster of Boats trilogy, and brooded about bullies to Subdivisions and Scars. At a time in my life when just existing was painful, Rush’s complex, thought-provoking, and sometimes amusing music proved to me that the people in my world weren’t all shallow, cruel, and dull. Teenagers, after all, tend to get stuck in their own little world and forget that life exists beyond that which they experience day-by-day.

A death in the family and a sudden and traumatizing spilled secret was the last straw - the depression I was fighting was only getting worse without support, and every day, certain classmates encouraged me to just end it. Most were malicious - “Everyone hates you, just die already,” was a common one which unfortunately is still spoken generations later. Other culprits were friends just tired of seeing me hurting; they thought a ‘failed’ suicide attempt would make a difference. “Maybe if you got hurt, the bullies would back off,” they suggested. “Maybe you have to take drastic measures before someone will help you!”

Me? I was just tired...I was tired of hurting, of being afraid, and breaking down only to be told that my feelings weren’t valid and I was ‘embarrassing my family.’ Support or lack of it really can make or break a person when they’re falling apart. Now, it makes me cringe to admit that I was ready to give up before I had a chance to really begin; at the time, it felt like the only option. Age certainly brings things into perspective.

One night, at my absolute limit, I was compiling goodbye notes to my friends and simultaneously forming a list of pros and cons for various methods while listening to a ‘new’ borrowed Rush album. I didn’t care whether or not I survived to see if there were improvements in the bullying; I was tired of trying. I was searching my calendar for days to try and searching my health textbook for advice on how to achieve a painless death. That night was the turning point, and that album was Presto.

Even after how many years have passed, I still remember the first time I heard those distinct, somber, skin-tingling bass notes at the beginning of the song. Even after all these years, I remember hearing the first lines and feeling as if they were written just for me, or rather, for someone just like me. Someone understood...someone else knew what I was going through and they were talking about it! I paused in my planning, turned up the volume, and listened...and I thought...and my stomach fell down to my feet when I realized what I was hearing.

“No hero in your tragedy. No daring in your escape. No salute for your surrender, nothing noble in your fate.

Christ! What have you done?!”

“What have you done?!” Not please don’t. Not don’t be ridiculous, you don’t even know hurt yet. Not if that’s what it takes, that’s what it takes. This was a punch in the gut and a horrified demand for answers all in one. It wasn’t a hug, it was a bitch-slap and a demand for answers. Suddenly, and finally, it hit me all at once that what I was planning was permanent and would have repercussions far beyond my tiny world. I suddenly connected how I felt about my grandfather’s suicide with how he might feel about mine if the roles were reversed. I felt sick. What had I almost done?!

It was, as sickening as it sounds, the first time I’d heard someone outright condemn suicide as an option. Times were different then, and most people reacted to discussion of depression and suicide by going silent then awkwardly changing the subject. Those who didn’t ‘change the channel’ begged and pleaded instead. “Please hold on a little longer - just a little longer! It’ll get better, just wait and see!” It never got better, so I eventually stopped listening. Some people, like a certain male relative who-shall-not-be-named, considered suicide to be ‘a matter of choice,’ and ‘not anything to judge as right or wrong.’ His reaction to my grandfather’s suicide was “He lived his life the way he chose; this was his choice, we had nothing to do with it.” This particular relative never tried to dissuade me or offer support when I needed it most. He never once asked “What would your parents think?” He never asked “How do you know things won’t get better if you keep trying?” Instead, he rolled his eyes and walked away, saying “I don’t have time for this shit.” Yes, he’s always been a wonderful role model. We don’t really talk anymore.

I’m not going to say everything changed over night because of a song. I’m not saying no one was ever around to support me, or that no one ever tried to talk me into holding on just a little longer every time I felt like I couldn’t hold on for another second. I won’t say I never stumbled again, or that I never had second thoughts. The Pass didn’t ‘fix’ my depression, nor did it ‘fix’ me - it was, however, the turning point and the slap-in-the-face I needed. The people who wrote the music I lived by condemned suicide, and knowing that, I felt horrified that I ever considered it an option. Again, teenager logic can be a little weird to say the least.

It took time for me to really get my depression under control. Lifestyle changes, counseling, medication, meditation, new friends, and support from my family were some of the most effective methods I found. Every time I felt ready to give up, I played music that reminded me to keep trying. The Pass reminded me giving up is not an option - Emotion Detector reminded me that people can be assholes but it’s worth it to be myself despite the assholes in life - Mission reminded me that what I was dealing with was, in a roundabout way, helping me grow - when I felt like giving up - Bravado encouraged me that everything would work out in the end - The Enemy Within made me angry with myself and reminded me to never give up. There are too many songs that helped me to even begin to name half of them.

Some years later, I was fortunate enough to have a chance to see Rush in concert during one of their final tours. The concert was everything I expected and lots more I never expected, and it’s one of my favorite memories. The stench of marijuana, cigarettes, sweaty bodies, and stale beer filled the stands around me and burned my lungs. The crowd cheered so loudly my ears rang for hours afterward. Someone on our charter bus tripped over a car on the way back from concessions, sprayed beer everywhere, and laughed it off with “At least it’s Rush!” Another woman, drunk beyond reason, yanked her panties off and flung them at the stage, then promptly passed out; at the time, I rather envied her opportunity to fling lingerie at Geddy Lee without being arrested. After the concert, a couple of people had to be bodily dragged back to the bus and laid across the seats because they were black-out drunk. I bought a tee-shirt for enough to feed a college student for a week and left with a migraine that lasted three days. It was, to say the least, a lifetime of stories and jokes all in one night.

Craziness aside, the concert was an event like none I’d ever thought to experience. As the music played and the fans screamed, I stood in the crowd feeling both separate from the world and part of something great all at once. At the end of every song, I thought to myself, “This...this is why I’m still alive. This is what I would have missed out on.” With the beginning of every song, my heart soared, my skin prickled with elation, and I became more and more certain I had no regrets. I was beyond considering suicide an option before then, but that concert was the final bit of evidence; turning around and trying again was, without a doubt, the right decision. I knew I was meant to be more than yet another victim of depression.

Today, I’m alive despite many accidents and disasters which could have easily led to a different result. I still get swamped with intermittent depression, and I still spend somedays wondering why I even bother trying. Depression, unfortunately, is just part of who I am; it’s written into my genetics as deeply as my hair and eye color, and it isn’t going to go away permanently. I’ve made my peace with that. Despite the permanency of that struggle, I have defeated the part of me that previously wanted to give up and ‘go away’ when I'm at my worst. I haven’t considered suicide an option since I was bitch-slapped by The Pass; I refuse to ever consider it an option again, no matter how far I may fall.

There are so many things that had to go right in order for my view to change. If Neil Peart hadn’t joined Rush, “The Pass” wouldn’t have been written. If it had been on any album before Presto, I would have heard it before from my many other albums and grown tired of it. If I hadn’t borrowed the album and chosen to play it just that night at just that moment, I wouldn’t have gotten the musical slap in the face I needed so badly...and, no exaggeration here, I would be dead. Nothing else had been able to change my mind; I honestly suspect nothing else could have changed my mind.

I was a suicidal teenager when I first heard "The Pass," which was a condemnation of the glorification of suicidal teenagers. That song accomplished what nothing else had been able to, and I owe my continued existence to it and its writers. I still get lost in the darkness sometimes, but as the song goes, I've learned to steer by the stars. No matter how hard it can be sometimes, I’d rather walk the razor’s edge than let my depression win.

I'll pour you a dram this evening, Mr. Peart, in memory and appreciation. Thank you for my life; I’ll never forget yours.

#Depression #Neil Peart #Rush #Suicide #uplifting #personal #today in the news #depression isn't the end #...and now I'm going to go cry for a minute.

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cruecifymesixx · 5 years

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Love and Leather /part thirty four/

Word Count: 10.1k

A/N: first off, s/o to @itsclaranotcarla for making the moodboard for me. She made others that i will probably use eventually! Secondly! Super duper long! that’s kinda why it took so long, but there’s a little bit of smut, angst, and fluff hidden in this one! Enjoy!

Warnings:drugs, language, smut, vanity being a hoe, overbearing conservative parents

Taglist: @brideofdraculana, @xstarryeyes, @aryssav, @miserablecunt, @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol, @fandomshit6000, @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies, @anntheboneless, @venus-calum, @justjodeye, @supernaturalvikingwhore, @are-we-real, @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @dillightfulpickle, @baiabouk, @awesomealmostdopestudent, @martabastic, @romanticvengeance, @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill, @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls, @motlycrue, @brooklyn-antiques, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @lilytalebi, @criminalyetminimal, @motley-queen, @trapt-in-a-dream, @lunamadhatter99, @broke-n-bitchy, @thanks2pete, @slowandangry, @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @swoopygorl, @motherloovebone, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001, @wheresmyvodkabitch, @waywardprincess666, @nikkisixxsixxsixx, @iluvmesomemarvelndc, @marvelismylifffe, @zoenicoles, @pfft-halsey , @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @primal-screamer, @electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @miss2001babe, @nassauartist, @emmaelizabeth2014

July 13th, 1986

“Shhh, you’re gonna wake her up.” My eyes fluttered open, facing the small window of the tour bus, “Good fucking job, Vinny.” I heard Tommy whisper, well try to whisper at least.

“What?” I grumbled, not bothering to turn around, “You gotta get up.” Vince said, starting to pull the blanket off of me, “Let me sleep.” I said, pulling them back up over my shoulders.

“Were in Dallas, sweets.” Tommy said, “Awesome, I’m going back to bed.” I groaned, covering my face with the blanket.

“Ya know, for having a birthday today, you sure are crabby. Maybe Nikki needs to give you some birthday spankings.” Vince said, making him and Tommy giggle like little children.

I took one of the pillows I was using and threw it at him, “Your mom called a little while ago.” My eyes snapped open, making me sit up in bed.

“And what did you say?” I asked Vince, making him smirk at me, “Oh ya know, just that you took part in an orgy, had to take a trip to the hospital because of alcohol poisoning, and that you spent five grand on strippers last night.” I knew he was joking by the way he couldn’t keep a straight face.

“I talked to her sweetheart, don’t worry. I wouldn’t let these bafoons talk to her.” Mick reassured me, I leaned over my bed and saw him laying down.

“What did she say?” I asked him, “Well, she’s throwing you a party tomorrow.” I groaned, laying back onto the bed, “I told her I didn’t want a party!” I complained, the tone of my voice becoming whiny.

“She also said we can crash at your house while we’re here.” My lips parted, as I was in complete shock, “What do you mean we?” I asked, finally taking off the blankets, getting off the bed and sitting on Mick’s.

“Us, all of us. Me, you, Tommy, Vince and Nikki. Doc said if it was okay with her, it was okay with him.” I got off the bed, starting to pace around the bus while wanting to rip my hair out.

“No, no, no you guys can’t come to my house. My childhood home. No. I’ll stay at home, and you guys can stay at the hotel. No, absolutely not.” I panicked, thinking of how much mayhem would be caused.

“And what the fuck are those!” I shouted, pointing at the bouquet of balloons and flowers I had finally seen on the table. “Those would be gifts.” Tommy replied, “Don’t start with me.” I warned him, “They’re from Nikki?” I asked, “No, all of us.” Vince clarified.

I huffed, trying to take in a breath of fresh air, “Well thank you guys.” I replied, touching the petals of the flowers.

“We promise to be on our best behavior.” Tommy said, giving me puppy dog eyes. I shook my head, “Does Nikki know?” I asked, running my hand through my hair, they all stared at each other, “Hasn’t been out of his room yet.” Vince shrugged, “I don’t go in there.” Tommy blurted out, I rolled my eyes, walking over to his door.

I walked in, seeing the blinds were drawn and very little sunlight was peeking through. Nikki, however was still fully dressed from last night. Leather pants, boots and shirt as he laid on top of the covers. “Nikki, wake up.” I said, gently shaking his back. He didn’t move or make a noise.

“Alrighty, then.” I said to myself, walking over to the blinds and opening all of them up. “Wake up!” I shouted, “God, what!” He groaned, quickly closing his eyes, burying his face back into the bed.

“We’re in Dallas, Sixx.” I spoke softly, crawling into bed beside him, “Hm, is that so...thought we were in Denver still.” He broke out into a lazy smile as he finally turned to face me.

“Happy birthday.” He whispered, snuggling up against me, “What do you want to do today?” He asked as I fiddled with his hands, “My mom has invited all of you to stay at our house while we’re here.” I explained as he started laughing.

“Nikki, it’s serious.” I reminded him, “No, I know that. I just...why is she letting us? I thought she hated us?” Nikki asked, leaning his head against my shoulder, my fingers running through his untamed hair.

“Oh no, she does. Or at least I think she does? I’m not sure now. She’s throwing a party for me tomorrow too.” I sighed, feeling his lips drag across my skin.

“Guess we’re partying all weekend.” Nikki mumbled, groaning as he sat up just in time when Tommy barged in, “Dude, how fucking rich are you!” He shouted in complete shock.

“Welcome to hell.” I muttered, taking myself off of Nikki’s bed. I noticed the tour bus was on the side of the road of my house as the gates were already opening for us.

“I need everyone to be serious for a moment.” I told them, Nikki slowly coming out of his room.

“I Uh...I need you guys to be on your best behavior, please? The people we make fun of...that’s the lifestyle I’ve been apart of my whole life. And, that’s my family in there and I just need you guys to be good.” I spoke, mainly speaking to the three problematic ones of the band.

“No drugs in the house please.” I begged them all, “My mom would fucking freak, and you guys can’t say a word about what I’ve done.”

“So the tattoo on your ass is not a dinner conversation?” Tommy snickered as I rolled my eyes. “C’mon guys, let’s respect her wishes. We are guests at her house.” Mick chimed in, giving me a warm smile.

“And, everyone needs to be presentable because we are probably having dinner tonight, if I know my mom she’s already having Loretta prepare it.”

“Is that your maid?” Vince joked, rolling his eyes. “Yes you blonde bitch, she is. She’s practically been apart of our family since I was born.”

“Well, I promise to be good.” Tommy spoke up, “Yeah, me too I guess.” Vince shrugged as we all looked over at Nikki.

“What? I’ll be fine, it’s all good. Nothing to worry about.” Nikki retorted. Sure, they all said they’d be good but I’d be stupid to believe them.

I shook off my nerves as I walked off the bus, all four of them quickly followed me. Nikki took long strides so he was next to me, his hand wrapping around mine but I let go of his hand just as fast as he grabbed it.

“Ashamed you’re fucking me?” He questioned, his arm loosely hanging around my shoulder, I was about to answer him but my mom had walked out the door, “Oh Vanity!” She gleefully exclaimed, wrapping me up in a huge hug.

“Honey, you look horrible! Are you sick?!” She asked, grabbing my shoulders and examining me. “Why are you dressed like that?” She motioned to the barely there shorts I was wearing and a ripped up t-shirt that belonged to Nikki.

“Mom, I just woke up.” I said quietly, noticing her glancing at the guys behind me. “Darling, it is almost two o’clock in the afternoon.” I was about to open my mouth, “Well, don’t be rude. Introduce me to your...friends.” She hesitantly said. I cleared my throat, “Okay...”

“Mom, this is Vince Neil, he’s the singer, Tommy Lee, he’s the drummer, Mick Mars he’s the guitarist. Uh...you know Nikki already.” I said, trailing off, “Guys, this is my mom Clarissa.” I finished explaining, hoping they wouldn’t open their mouths and say something stupid.

“Nice to meet you.” Mick said, sticking out his hand for her to shake, she obliged and took it.

“You’re daughter is literally the coolest chick I’ve ever met in my life.” Tommy responded, overjoyed as usual, “Is Greyson home? We had a lot of of when we-“ Nikki quickly elbowed him in the stomach, “Uh, right..never mind.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Clarissa.” Vince said, reaching for my moms hand, bringing it up to his lips and placing a kiss upon it. Mom slyly wiped it across the yellow dress she was wearing.

“Are you still defiling my daughter?” She asked, giving all her attention to Nikki, “Mom!!” I yelled, gently grabbing her arm to make her look at me, giving her a pleading gaze.

“Good to see you too, Mrs. Blackwood.” Nikki kept his cool, giving her a kind smile. She had turned to look at me, as she was probably suspecting him to mouth off.

“Hm, it’s nice to see you too.” Mom admitted, “And it is a pleasure to meet you three, why doesn’t everyone get cleaned up. Van, honey bear-“

I let out a dissatisfied groan as the guys chuckled, “What? I can’t call you what I’ve always called you now that it’s your twenty sixth birthday today?” She said, pinching my cheeks as I glared at her.

“Mom, you’re embarrassing me.” I said taking her hands away from my face, “Honey bun, show our guests where they’ll be staying.” She ordered, smirking at me.

“Shoes off, you gotta leave them at the door.” I told the boys, kicking off my own as they all looked at each other, “The floor doesn’t polish itself.” Mom added, the guys finally taking off their leather boots.

“It’s not like she does it either.” Vince whispered, I quickly sent him a death glare, “Sorry.” He mouthed.

“Iced tea?” Loretta walked up to us with a tray of drinks, “Is there alcohol in it?” Tommy questioned, “Dude.” Vince chuckled, taking a glass and sipping it through the straw, “The Mrs keeps the alcohol locked up until dinner.”

All four of them looked at me, “I can’t stay here.” Tommy said, throwing his hands up in defeat, “Vanity! Are you home!!” I heard yelling when my sister Sage came walking down the stairs, “Good god, is this another charity you’re helping with?” She questioned as I let out a laugh, “Charity? What a brat. These leather pants cost five hundred dollars.” Vince pointed out.

Sage walked up to me, giving me a hug as she examined the boys, “So...which one is your boyfriend? Not the blonde one right? Cause you could totally do better.”

“I like her.” Mick said, sipping on a bottle of water that was more than likely vodka. “Is Greyson home?” She shook her head, “No, he’s at football camp but he should be back later this afternoon.”

“This one...” She said pointing to Nikki, as she began to walk around him, “What the fuck are you doing?” Nikki snapped, but quickly lowered his tone, “Sage, c’mon don’t be a little punk.” I groaned rolling my eyes, “He’s your boyfriend, right? This is the guy Greyson told me about.” I watched as she checked Nikki out.

“None of them are my boyfriend, can you just leave me alone?” I begged as she rolled her eyes at me. “None of them? God that’s boring. Greyson said you were fuck-“ “Sage! Shut up!” I yelled back at her, “Make me.” She spat out, sticking her tongue at me.

I glared at her, “I’m literally gonna punch you in the face if you don’t get away from me.” She chuckled, “Happy Birthday, Vanny.” She said, giving me a kiss on the cheek before going to the backyard.

“Welcome home.” Nikki says, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, “I’ll show you guys where you can sleep.”

As I showed the boys their individual guest rooms I turned to Nikki, “And you-“ I said holding out my hand as he took it, “You can sleep with me.” I bit my lip, smiling as he pulled me to him, “How on earth am I gonna keep you quiet when your mom is down the hall, hm?” He questioned, placing his hands on my hips as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, “I think you’ll come up with something.”

“Did you show Nikki his room?” I looked over his shoulder, seeing my mom holding extra towels, “I thought...uh, he could maybe sleep in my room?” I said, feeling as if I was asking for permission.

Mom studied us, as her eyes darted between him and I, “I want the door open at all times.” I groaned as Nikki laughed, “Mom! I’m not sixteen anymore.” I fought back, “It’s all good, Princess. I’ll respect your moms wishes.” I gave Nikki an outlandish look when he said that.

“Well...thank you. Here is some towels if you want to shower, you look worse than the others.” Mom replied, placing the towels in his hands, “Thank you Mrs. Blackwood.” I let out a scoff and tried to suppress an eye roll.

Nikki followed me into my room as I turned around and faced him, “What are you doing?” I asked, crossing my arms against my chest. “What do you mean?” He cocked his head to the side, taking off his leather jacket as he threw it on my bed.

“The niceness.” I simply stated, “And you’re calling her Mrs. Blackwood. Just call her Clarissa.” I told him, “I’m just trying to prove to her I’m not a piece of shit.” Nikki confessed as he looked at the pictures hanging on my wall.

“Why does what she thinks of you matter?” I asked him as I saw his shoulders shrug, “Whose that?” He asked pointing, “Nikki, I’m talking to you.” I said, walking over to him.

“Oh, that’s Regan.” I said, looking at the picture of me and her sitting on a dock back when we were teenagers. “We were best friends. She Uh, died.” I cleared my throat as he turned his head to look at me, “Drunk driver.” I said, exhaling through my nose.

“And whose that?” He asked, pointing to another picture, “Nikki, why are you trying to impress my mom?” I questioned, placing my hand on his bicep, “Just want her to like me. Is that your dad?” He said, pointing to a picture of me and my dad as he was giving me a piggy back ride on the beach.

“Yes, and answer my question Nikki.” He looked over at me again, he seemed to be debating if he should tell me or not. “Graduation day?” He asked, pointing at another picture with me wearing a Cap and gown.

“Nikki.” He sighed, rolling his eyes “I want her to like me.” He admitted, “And you played sports?” He asked, motioning to the trophies on a shelf.

“Varsity Softball, wow. And cheerleading? Do you still have the uniform?” He smirked as I rolled my eyes, “My moms opinion of you shouldn’t matter.” I told him, but he argued by shaking his head, “Yes it does, it matters to me.”

“And prom queen. Why am I not surprised?” He said, holding the crown then putting it on his head, “Does it fit me?” He asked, posing as he put his hands on his hips.

I appreciated that he was trying to be funny but I wanted him to be serious for once. “Nik-“ “Doll, stop with all the questions alright? You’re mom is not dumb and she knows there’s something going on between us.” I rolled my eyes at his statement.

“It’s not like it’s serious.” I snapped at him, receiving a dirty look in return, “I fucking know that so stop bringing it up.” He jumped down my throat as I nodded.

“There’s a guest room across the hall you can sleep in.” I informed him as he smirked, shaking his head, “Alright, Vanity.” He stated, turning his back to me as he walked towards the door, he stopped himself, turning around to face me.

“Just because you’re home, doesn’t mean you need to act like you’re better than I am. We do the same drugs and drink the same drinks.” I rolled my eyes, “We do not do the same drugs, I would never stick a fucking needle in my arm like you do.” I snapped at him. I watched Nikki grab the door knob and close the door shut.

“Don’t fucking talk like you’re perfect, because you aren’t.” He snapped, walking towards me. “Nikki, stop. I’m not fighting with you right now.” I said putting both hands on his chest to keep him from coming any closer.

“Good, I don’t want to fight either.” He said before grabbing the sides of my face and forcing his lips on me. Backing us up to the bed, I quickly reached for his shirt as I started to pull it off of him. He tossed it to the floor as his hands slid down the shorts and pulled them off of me.

“Nikki...” I moaned when he crawled on top of me, nipping at the skin of my neck, “You need to learn to watch your fucking mouth sometimes.” He groaned, forcing my hips into his. I reached for the strings on his pants, untying them as he pushed them down his legs.

His fingers skillfully went in between my thighs, rubbing me through the thin lace material before pushing them to the side as a moan escaped his perfect lips. He kissed down my body, his teeth grazing the edge of my underwear before sliding them off.

“Get on your knees, now.” He ordered, as I quickly did what he said. I felt him line his hard member up to me, the tip just barely teasing my entrance, “Tell me what you want.” He demanded, the tone of his voice a lot darker as he brought his hand down to my ass for a stiff slap.

“You.” I mumbled, my eyes wincing as he brought his hand down once more, “Louder.” He said as he let himself rub against my clit, “I want you.” I moaned out for him, “You want me to fuck you?” He asked, causing a dissatisfied groan to come from me. I put my hand in between my legs to get some sort of relief, “Oh no, you were being a brat so now you gotta pay.” Nikki says, reaching for my arm and putting it behind my back.

“Nikki, c’mon.” I cried, pushing my ass back to his as I felt his hard shaft poking me, “I want you to fuck me, please.” I added the politeness so we can just hurry up and get to the point. I needed to feel him.

“That’s all you had to say, babe.” He said, as he grabbed my hips, slowly sliding himself in me. “Oh my- Nikki, go faster.” I whined as I felt him starting to stretch me out, his pace was unbearable and I knew this asshole was doing it on purpose.

“Oh fuuccck.” His moans were dragged out as he pushed his way through, giving me all of him at once. I bit on my lip as a way to keep my moans and whimpers quiet, but fuck man, he made it so damn hard. He knew exactly what the fuck he was doing to me as he pushed me down to the bed, giving him a better angle.

I balled my fists into the sheets as he slapped my ass yet again, “oh my-“ I almost yelled out, but I quickly cupped my mouth.

“Vanity! Greyson’s home!!” I heard my little sister yell out, “Be right there!!” I yelled in a shaky voice, “Nikki.” I moaned in defeat when I felt him leave my body, seeing him pull up his pants. I reached for his hand to stop him, “We’ll continue later.” He said, before kissing my lips, “No, now.” I said into the kiss, while trying to pull him down on top of me. Nikki laughed as he broke the kiss and putting space between us.

“Vanity! Why’s your door locked!” Sage continued to yell as I heard her jiggling the door knob, “I’m telling mom!!” I quickly pulled up my pants and ran to the door, “oh no you’re not!” I yelled, slamming the door open.

“Oooh, and you have a boy in here! Mom!!!” She yelled, “Oh you little brat!” As I began to chase her down the hall way.

“Mom, Vanity and Nikki-“ I quickly grabbed her by her hair, as she wrapped her hand in mine, “oh for the love of all that is holy, knock it off!!” Mom yelled, throwing down a kitchen towel as she was helping Loretta prepare dinner.

“Why did you let her become such a brat!” I shouted, as I still had a fistful of her hair, “I am not a brat!” Sage defended herself, “You are both brats.” Vince pointed out, getting a high five from Greyson.

“Fuck you Vinny! You’re the biggest brat of them all!”I shouted, “Vanity! Watch your mouth! God, when did you become so uncivilized!” Mom shouted, hands on her hips as she glared at me.

“Probably the same time she started snorting cocaine.” Tommy blurted out, “oh fuck.” Tommy said, realizing what he just did. I let go of Sages hair as mom started walking towards me, her face as red as her lips.

“Mom, look I can explain.” I started defending myself, “I mean, maybe it’s time to tell mom you like to uh, party hard.” Greyson says innocently.

“Oh yeah mr. I’ve never drank alcohol in my life. Shut up Greyson, you partied with me and them.” I mentally cursed myself out, “You did what!!” Mom yelled, putting all her anger on Greyson finally.

“Vanity did smack!!” “Yeah, unwillingly!!” “What is smack!?” “Oh that’s heroin.” Tommy again butted in, “Tommy!!” I yelled his name as Nikki came walking down the stairs.

“Dinners ready.” Loretta informed us, “Should I get the wine?” She asked, trying to hide her laugh, “Please.” Mom tried to control her temper as we all went to the dining room table.

Mom sat at the head of the table, I sat at the other side facing her that way she couldn’t slap me if she wanted too. Everyone watched as mom poured her wine to the brim of the glass.

“Why would you even put heroin in your body?” I rolled my eyes, “Mom, this isn’t a dinner conversation.” I said, poking at the salad that was in front of me.

“No, please inform me of what my daughter has done.” She said glaring at all the boys as they were quiet for once in their lives.

“She’s just having fun.” Vince was the first to speak up, “Fun? That is not fun.” Mom chuckled, taking a sip of her wine.

“We take care of her, I mean Sixx takes care of her.” Mick added, “Yeah man, like a few nights ago she started throwing up. I think it was the Jäger and Nikki took her back to the hotel and made sure she was alright.” Tommy said, mouthful of food, “Manners, Thomas.” Mom said as I chuckled, “Who the hell is Thomas?” T-bone whispered, getting a shrug from the rest of us.

“So you force her to drink? And do your drugs? Why do I feel like we’ve had this conversation before, Vanity?” I shrugged, gulping down my glass of wine as I reached for the bottle.

“We’ve never forced her to do anything.” Nikki spoke up with a snide tone. I put my hand on his knee, gently squeezing it. “Well there was that one time we poured Jack down her mouth and then you licked what was dripping down off her tits.” Vince pointed out, “And that one time where we dared her to snort coke off the strippers ass...but I wouldn’t count that as being forced, she’s always willing.”

“And honestly, sometimes she’s crazier then us. Like at the bar that one time, some guy grabbed her ass and she smashed a beer bottle over his head.” Mick pointed out as the guys agreed in laughter, “Vanity, what the hell?” Mom said bewildered, “I’m just having fun?” I said unsure of myself.

“Mom c’mon, you and dad used to party like crazy when you were my age. Hence the tramp stamp you have...” I trailed off, sipping some of my wine as I looked at her.

“Vanity...that’s private.” Mom said, trying to hide her embarrassment, “What does it say again oh yea-“ “Vanity, you better stop talking now.” “Se pencher en avant? Right mom?” I smirked, as she started laughing.

“Ew mom, that’s so gross.” Greyson said, remembering the years of French we took, “Wait, what does it mean?” Tommy asked, “Bend over.” I snickered, as Vince choked on his drink. “In French.” Greyson added as Vince tried to keep his laughter back.

“Guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Nikki muttered as he reached for my hand under the table. “You should come to the show tonight Clarissa.” Tommy stated, “Oh, no, no.” Mom said, pouring her second glass of wine, “I don’t like your music.”

“Uh, you were just singing ‘Home Sweet Home’ before they got here.” Sage added, “I would love to go.” She said, smiling at Vince who smirked back at her. “C’mon Mom. Let’s go! It’s not like you’re doing anything else but watching re-runs of soap operas and doing paper work.” Greyson egged her on. If anyone could convince our mom to do anything, it would be him.

“Oh yeah, you should totally come! We’re having a huge show tonight! I’m finally gonna play the drums upside down.” Tommy joyfully said, “It’s gonna be rad, dude.”

“I don’t think so.” Mom said, sipping on her wine, “We also have a surprise tonight.” Nikki spoke up, “We do?” Vince asked, “What are we doing? Why weren’t we informed?” Mick then added on.

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell you guys in a little bit.” Nikki teased, before finishing his glass of wine.

“Let’s say I were to consider going to your concert, where would I sit?” Mom questioned, “Uh...right up front where Vanity usually is.” Nikki answered her, “Okay. I’ll go.” I started choking on my wine, “Wh-What. No, you can’t go.” I told her.

“Oh? Upset you’ll have to behave in front of your mother?” Nikki teased, “Yes! That’s exactly it!” I retorted, making everyone laugh. I didn’t see the fucking joke about it?

*a few hours later at the concert*

I quickly snapped my head back up, rubbing my nose as I had been buried in lines of cocaine for the last fifteen minutes. I didn’t want to be sober while dealing with my mom, sister, and brother. Yeah I love them to death, but ya know when you can only be around your family for a certain amount of time before you start getting annoyed with them? Yeah, I’m at that point.

Tommy had sneaked some ecstasy pills to Greyson, so he was off with him doing god knows what. Sage was trying to help Vince pick out a better outfit cause she said he looked like Malibu Ken. And I think mom was trying to avoid it all by downing her self in a new drug that was out on the pharmaceutical market: I think it was called prozac?

I was sitting in Nikki’s dressing room watching him pace around and getting dressed. He was wearing tight leather pants he had just squeezed into and honestly I think they were mine. I told him to go with the new Motley Crue bad boys t-shirt and he’s topped it off with a half buttoned denim shirt that was rolled up his elbows.

He kept pacing back and forth, mumbling incoherently to himself, “Are you okay?” I asked him, seeming as if I startled him. “Hm. Yeah I’m fine.” I rolled my eyes, knowing that he was lying.

“Actually, I’m not.” He stopped abruptly as he stood across from me, “Well, what’s wrong?” I asked, cutting lines and handing the tray to him but he didn’t grab it.

“No, I don’t want that.” I was surprised that he declined, “Well...more for me then.” I giggled, quickly railing the lines back to back.

“I-I haven’t had a fix in a few days.” Nikki stuttered. I pondered on the thought, it made sense. He has been extremely irritable the last few days as well as throwing up. He was having withdrawals from heroin.

“You’ll be fine, just take a breath and relax.” I suggested as he rolled his eyes at me, “Easy for you to say.” He mumbled. “Keep it up with the coke and you’ll know how it feels.” He snapped, as it was my turn to give him an eye roll.

“Go find it, if you need it that bad.” I stated, rolling my eyes as I stood up from the couch. He cocked his head to the side, giving an expression of confusion, “Okay...” He muttered quietly.

“I’m gonna go find everyone and take them to our seats.” I told Nikki, as he started plucking the strings of his bass. I didn’t get a response from him, just a simple head nod.

“Alright...” I spoke softly, “See you out there?” I was waiting for him to say something, but he again didn’t respond. I exhaled through my nose before slamming his dressing room door shut.

*Nikki’s POV*

I wanted her to pretend to care at least. Maybe tell me it was a good thing I haven’t touched junk in about five days, not fucking tell me to go find it. I knew she wanted me to say something for her to stay with me just a little while longer, but fuck, she just doesn’t think and then says whatever comes to her fucking brain.

But fuck it, she clearly doesn’t care so I might as well go find it. I can spot out a junkie a million miles away. Takes one to know one, I guess. I looked at the clock on the wall, seeing it was getting close to show time. I left the bass I was using early and started walking to the stage, meeting up with the others.

“Aw, no good luck kiss from Vanity?” Vince joked, as him and Tommy laughed with each other. I rolled my eyes, ignoring them as I gave mick a nod of acknowledgment.

“Do we have everything for intermission?” I asked, looking at Doc as he leaned against the wall. He nodded as he pointed to a grocery bag on the table he was standing by.

“Ya know, if Vanity doesn’t suck your dick tonight then I will. Wish someone would do that for my birthday.” T-bone pointed out, “I mean…it’s a figure of speech, I wouldn’t actually suck your dick.” I laughed at the bigger hole he was digging himself.

“Whatever you say man.” I said, playfully smacking his arm, knocking the drumstick he was twirling out of his hand.

“Will do it for your birthday, drummer.” Mick spoke up as Tommy roughly smacked his back, a huge shit eating grin plastered across his face.

*an hour or two into the concert*

I wiped my face with a towel as we just finished up ‘Looks that Kill’. I sat down on an amp as Vince grabbed his microphone.

“Alright you sick motherfuckers. Everyone having a good time?” Of course the crowd screamed in response.

Tommy nudged my shoulder, handing over a bottle of Jack him and I usually split on stage, “We got a birthday girl in the crowd, I mean we probably got a few of them…but we got an extra special birthday girl.

I looked over and saw Greyson was trying to wrestle Vanity and had his arms wrapped around her to stop her from leaving. A stage light shined down on them.

“Her names Vanity and she’s right over here.” Vince spoke, walking over to where she was and pointing, “Come on up here, Princess. Hey, let her through.” Vince motioned to the security guard.

I could tell Vanity was putting up a fight, protesting as her brother and sister shoved her towards the security wall, “C’mon Van, don’t get shy on us now.” Vince laughed as Vanity started yelling at him.

Security helped her over the railing and then picked her up and put her on the stage. Tommy and I were trying to control are laughter as we saw how mad she was.

“Come here.” Vince said, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her to the middle of the stage. “Isn’t she smokin’ hot?” Vince said, showing her off to the crowd as some guys in front whistled at her.

“Go on, say hi to everyone.” Vince ordered, trying to hand her the mic but she declined. Instead, she waved to the crowd.

“Let me tell you something about Vanity Blackwood over here…she is one of the naughtiest girls I’ve ever met in my life. Just ask our boy Sixx over here.” Vanity hid her face in embarrassment as she tried leaving the stage, but Vince quickly kept a grip around her.

“We love you Vanity, and we wanted to share your birthday with the world…so can we get the stuff?” Vince asked, motioning for a roadie to come out. Someone came out with a cake and candles.

Tommy and I took the cake from him and brought it to her. Mick slowly came from the unlit area and joined us front and center.

I wrapped my arm around Vanity’s waist, “I am going to murder you.” She said into my ear as I smiled down at her.

“So if everyone can join us in singing happy birthday to our favorite girl….” Vince trailed off, leading the crowd in song.

Vanity hid her face against my shoulder, I could feel that she was laughing her ass off due to how uncomfortable and awkward she became. I smiled looking down at her, as she looked up at me. It sounds cliché, almost stupid but I felt like it was just her and I.

“Happy birthday to yoooouu.” We finished singing as Vanity blew out the candles. Tommy and I both kissed each side of her cheeks as we brought the cake up to her face, completely smashing it all over her.

“Nikki!!!” She screamed my name as we were all full of laughter. She picked up a chunk of cake and threw it in his face. I wiped it off, noticing Tommy was laughing. I picked a piece off the floor and shoved it into his face, and that was the rest of it. Cake was being thrown left and right, at one point Vince slipped on some icing and fell straight on his ass.

“Enough! I’m done!” Vince yelled, being the sore looser as usual. We all three then shoved cake in his face. Vince was noticeably a bright red under the yellow icing. I shooed Vanity off stage after giving her a tight hug, watching her leave before we started the show again.

*after the concert*

I walked to the back, having Vanity cling herself to me, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” She said in between pecks on my lips, “All of you, thank you.” She said, unraveling herself from me and going to hug the rest of the guys.

“You’re welcome, Princess.” I said, pulling her back to me and kissing her, “Ahem.” Vanity pulled herself off of me, as her mom came through the back.

“That was a wonderful show, but I think Sage and I are gonna head home.” Clarissa explained to us, “Take Greyson with you.” Vanity retorted, poking her tongue out at her brother, “Shut up, you brat. Tommy invited me.”

“Tommy didn’t do anything.” T-bone said, taking a sip of his beer.

“I will see everyone tomorrow.” Clarissa stared, giving both Vanity and Greyson a kiss on the cheek before leaving.

“Come with me.” I told Vanity while grabbing her hand and taking her from the group as we went back to my dressing room, so I could finish what I started earlier.

*Vanitys POV*

I stumbled up to my feet as I pulled down my shirt. Nikki watched me with a smirk as he buttoned up the leather pants, I noticed the scratch marks that were on his bare chest.

“You ruined my make up.” I pouted as I looked in the mirror, trying to fix my mascara and lipstick. “Still look hot.” He mumbled as he finished getting dressed, “You look hot too.” I said as I examined what he was wearing.

“You go with the guys I have to take care of some stuff.” Nikki explained as he held the door open for me, “Oh…I can help you if you want.” I suggested, brushing my fingers over his hand.

He smiled, but it quickly disappeared, “No go..it’s your birthday go have some fun. I just have to discuss somethings with Doc. You’ll be bored of it.” He replied quickly.

I studied his expression, “Okay…I’ll see you there, I guess.” He quickly nodded and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll only be an hour.”

I left his dressing room and went to go find everyone else. Soon after I found them, we left the arena and got into the limo to god knows where as Vince blind folded me.

*Roughly 30 minutes later*

“Okay, step.” Tommy and Vince said as they helped me walk up stairs, “Can I take this off yet?” I asked, “No, not yet…just a little bit more.” Tommy coaxed me. I could tell a door opened as the smell of cigarettes and booze hit my nose. Bon Jovi’s ‘You Give Love a Bad Name’ echoed through wherever we were at.

I heard Vince and Tommy giggling and whispering towards each other, “Am I gonna get mad?” I asked them, “Uh, yes definitely.” Vince said that and I immediately stopped walking.

“Oh c’mon! You’ll have fun. Just sit right here.” Tommy said as they lowered me down onto a chair with cold metal bars to rest my forearms on.

“Hey! What are you doing!!” I yelled as I felt them handcuff me to the chair, “Guys!!” They weren’t answering me but I could hear their stifled laughter.

I felt manicured nails brush over my shoulders, “Oh, hell no. I’m not fucking playing get me out of here.” I shouted as I heard Tommy, Vince and Greyson burst out laughing.

“Nikki said to make sure you had fun. So this is what we’re doing.” Vince’s voice got closer as he approached me. His hands went behind my head and untied the blind fold, letting me see we were at a strip club.

“Oh for the love of god.” I muttered as a stripper approached me, “I heard you have a birthday and you’ve been a very bad girl.” She had a sultry tone as she approached me. The pink boa she had wrapped around her body was no placed around my neck.

“I bet you guys are enjoying this.” I said, my eyes darting over to Vince and Tommy, “Yes, actually very much.”

“If they uncuff you, do you promise to behave?” She asked, her nails pushing my hair back. I rolled my eyes, “Yes.” I grumbled as Greyson walked over and uncuffed me.

I immediately tried getting up but the stripper pushed me back down onto the chair, “Now, Now…you said you would behave. Don’t make me get my paddle.” She said, as I quickly cowered down.

She tilted my head back, opening up my mouth as she held a bottle of jack and only poured a little bit of it. “I like your heels.” I told her, as she tried not to laugh at me.

She smiled, before crawling on me and giving me a lap dance, “Alright, this is what we’re doing.” I was becoming awkward as the boys were cracking up, “You can touch me if you want, I won’t tell.” She spoke out loud as she pushed my legs apart, “No, I’m okay.”

Tommy came over, handing me a key bump, “For the nerves.” He said as I snorted it up.

The stripper instantly grabbed my hands and put them on her tits, “Wow, those are some nice boobs.” I said as she left me fondle them, “See! What you’ve been missing out on!?” Vince replied with a giant smile on his face.

Her hands made there way up and down my body, gently caressing the bare skin of my thighs as her nails raked down my shoulders. “I see you were busy earlier.” The blonde stripper whispered into my ear, her fingers running across the hickey from Nikki on the side of my neck.

“Does your boyfriend know what you’re up too?” I huffed with an eye roll, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

She continued her dance, feeding me shots of whiskey and I think some pills from the boys at one point? Not really sure about that one. She slowly pulled her boa off of me, and wrapped it around her body.

“That’s all I got for you, baby.” She said, once more brushing her chest against mine. She grabbed me by my jaw and gave me a sweet peck on the lips. She brushed her finger against my lip, wiping her lipstick off of me.

She quickly left the private room as I broke out in a fit of laughter, “You guys are such assholes!” I shouted as I got off the chair. Tommy came over and wrapped an arm loosely around my shoulder.

“Oh relax, you know you were having fun.” He teased as I rolled my eyes, “Can I get drunk now?” I asked, “Fuck yeah, sweets! You’re gonna get so fucked up tonight! Tommy was boisterous as usual as we walked to the bar and started drinking.

*Nikki’s POV*

I just arrived at the strip club and went straight to the bathroom before meeting up with Vanity and the boys. I went and scored some junk from this sleazy guy I saw at the concert. He said it was the best stuff in the city, but all drug dealers say that about their product. I didn’t care if it was pure or if it was cut with meth or coke at this point, I needed my fix.

I locked the bathroom door, quickly throwing my jacket on the dirty floor. I slapped my veins a few times but they were popping up. “God Damnit.” I groaned as I pulled up my pant leg, but all the veins were bruised.

I was getting frustrated as I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes wandered to my neck. Did I really come to this point? What’s next? Shooting into my fucking cock?

I grabbed a hold of my neck, while the needle rested between my fingers. I gritted my teeth as I watched the needle puncture my skin, blood dribbling down as it mixed with the heroin.

I quickly pulled the needle out, resting my arm against the mirror as I felt it hit me like a ton of bricks. I looked at myself, feeling sick to my stomach. I bent down and picked up my jacket before throwing out the needle, quickly walking out the bathroom door.

I walked through the main doors, feeling as if everyone knew I was high, but in reality nobody gave a fuck as they weren’t paying attention to me.

I noticed a crowd around the stage with a stripper pole in the middle. I pushed my way through the crowd noticing Vanity was dancing with a stripper, the boys and all the men around her were throwing money towards her. Greyson on the other hand, looked mortified.

“T-bone! What the fuck, man!?” I yelled at him, as I grabbed his shoulder and turned him around.

“Oh hey Sixx! What’s up?!” Tommy asked, coked out as usual. If he was coked out, that meant she was too. “ ‘What’s up?’ Really? Why the fuck is she on stage!” I yelled, noticing that she was stripping out of her shirt.

“Vanity! No!!” I shouted at her, but she didn’t hear me as she continued. “I don’t know man? I went to go get us drinks and next thing I know Greyson is chasing her to the stage.” Tommy explained.

I moved over to where she was dancing by, seeing that she was letting men touch her. She just had to go and fucking ruin my high. “Get the fuck out of my way!” I shouted, shoving drunk idiots away from me.

“Vanity!” I yelled, waving for her and she finally noticed me. She crawled toward me, sexually I might add. “Hey Sixx.” She shouted over the loud music and yelling.

“Get your ass off the fucking stage, now.” I demanded, but she rolled her eyes at me. I was quickly shoved to the side as a guy stuck a twenty dollar bill in between her tits, grabbing them right after, “Don’t fucking touch her, asshole!” I shouted, shoving him away from me.

“I’m serious, get off the fucking stage.” She smirked, grabbing the back of my head and forcing her tongue into my mouth. I could taste the whiskey the boys have been giving her.

She quickly pulled away from me, standing up as she walked up to the stripper and began dancing. I was seething in anger as I watched her. Yeah, she gets drunk and does stupid things all the time, but this is the icing on the fucking cake.

I was mainly boiling in a pool of my own rage because she was letting these fucking guys touch her and was willing too. I watched her twirl around on the pole, swaying her hips to the beat of the song as she slowly pulled down the pants she was wearing, bending down and showing everyone everything. Thankfully she decided to wear a pair of panties tonight.

“Relax, man.” Tommy said, slapping his arm on my shoulder, “Relax!? That’s my fucking girl up there acting like a fucking whore!! Don’t tell me to fucking relax!!” I snapped back at him, shoving him away, “Okay, okay…I’ll get her down.”

“Vanity!” Tommy whistled for her, “Off the stage!” He shouted as she walked towards him, kicking her shoes off at him as she flipped him off. Tommy grabbed her heels and looked at me, “Uh…I tried?” He said weakly.

“C’mon Sixx, lighten up. It’s her birthday, she’s just having fun.” Vince butted in. Why didn’t anyone see why I was fucking mad!?!

“Here…watch this.” Vince whistled loudly for her, “Come here, Princess!!” Vanity crawled to him, I noticed Vince freeze up as he watched her sit on his knees in front of him, in all of her half naked glory, “Let’s go do some blow, doll!” Tommy suggested, quickly flashing her a baggie of coke.

“Vanity fucking Blackwood, get off the stage, now. We are leaving!” I yelled at her, noticing her eyes flash to fear, “I’m not ready!!” Her words were extremely slurred as she talked back to me. I grabbed her hand but she fought my grip and pulled away from me. I was getting fed up with her drunken antics.

“Vanity, I’m gonna tell mom what you’re doing!!” Greyson yelled at her, “Get off the stage, you’re embarrassing me!” I saw the devilish smirk play across her face, “Embarrassing? I’ll show you embarrassing.”

Vanity stood up, prancing back over to the pole. Her hands reached up behind her back and unclasped her bra. She teased as she held onto it before throwing it at me.

I quickly jumped up on the stage. She turned around and faced me, “We are leaving.” I said, grabbing her and walking through the red satin curtain, not caring about the many “Fuck You’s” I was getting.

“Don’t fucking grab me like that!” She shouted, shoving me away from her and crossing her arms over her tits so they were covered. I took off my leather jacket, unbuttoning the rest of the shirt and giving it to her. She quickly pulled it on as we continued the argument.

“What the fuck are you doing!? Why are you up there acting like a slut!” I yelled in her face, she rolled her eyes and was trying to walk away from me but I stepped in front of her so she couldn’t run away like usual.

“I’m just having fun.” She mumbled, looking down at the floor, “Fun?! Acting like a whore is fun to you!? You were naked out there and just letting those guys fucking touch you! Only I can fucking touch you like that, Vanity!” Her face flinched when I stepped closer to her.

“You’re not my fucking boyfriend and you keep forgetting that, Nikki…” She spat back, by the tone in her voice she was hesitant to say it.

“I know I’m not your damn boyfriend, but fuck…you are mine, and you know that.” I told her, as she laughed at me.

“That is the most ass-backwards thing I’ve ever heard in my life. You’re ridiculous. It’s either you want me or you don’t.” She rolled her eyes with a huff. “What about what I want for once, instead of it being all about Nikki fucking Sixx.” I listened to her incoherent rambling. I just wanted to get her home and to bed so she can knock the fuck out and shut the fuck up for once.

I pushed my hair back, exhaling deeply through my nose, “Fine, what do you want?”

“I would like another drink.” She slurred, putting her hands on my shoulders for support. “And then I want you to stop being mad at me, I was just having fun.”

I took her hand in mine and I walked her to the bar, where The guys were waiting for us with her clothes in hand. “Oh thanks, T-bone.” Vanity replied, snatching her pants from him and quickly putting them on, followed by her shoes right after.

I watched as Vanity climbed up on the barstool, sitting back on her knees as she leaned over the bar. The boys watched in amusement as she grabbed a glass and filled it up with beer by herself and began to drink it.

“You want some?” She asked, handing the glass to me as I took a sip out of it. “How was your meeting with Doc?” She questioned, taking the glass back from me. Her fingers found themselves playing with the layered necklaces I had.

“It was fine. We just talked about some stuff, concert planning you could say.” I lied to her as she nodded, “Well, I missed you.” She mumbled, her fingers now trailing across my jaw, “The boys made me get a lap dance, it was fun. You would’ve enjoyed it.” I laughed at her misfortune, knowing that she was probably awkward as hell.

“She let me touch her tits, they were really nice. They were fake though, should I get a boob job?” Her lips parted as if a light bulb when off in her head, “No, that’s too much money and my tits are fine.” I rested against the bar, my head being supported by my elbow as I watched her. I forgot I was even mad at her.

“Right? Tell me my tits are fine, Nikki.” She playfully smacked my chest, as I let out an eye roll, “You’re tits are great, doll.” I reassured her as she smiles cheekily.

“I agree with Sixx, your tits are phenomenal.” She turned around and faced Vince as I sent him a death glare.

“What! I’m just saying! She has a nice rack!” Vince defended himself, “Can we please stop talking about my sisters body?” Greyson groaned before throwing back a shot with Tommy.

“Do you want to go back home?” She asked through low drunk eyes as she wrapped her hand around mine. “Just us, they can come back later.” She suggested, pressing a quick kiss against my lips. I nodded when she backed away from me.

We said our goodbyes, Well I did. Vanity threatened Vince and Tommy if they let anything happen to her brother while she wasn’t around.

*Back at the house*

I held her hand as she pulled me inside the house and up the stairs to her room. The moment I closed the door she started getting naked in front of me, leaving her clothes in her path as she walked to her closet.

I sat down on the bed, slowly falling back onto it as I looked up at her ceiling, “C’mon.” I sat back up, the moment I looked at her my pants got a tad tighter. She was standing in front of me wearing a bright red bikini, “I want to go to the hot tub.” She stuck out her hand for me to take, I gladly accepted it.

“You can use my brothers shorts.” She said, quickly going into his room. I caught a glimpse of all the posters on his wall. Van Halen, The Cure, The Smiths, and of course my band.

“Here.” She shoved a pair of black shorts into my hands, “Come outside when your done.” She ordered as she walked away from me.

I got undressed, the baggie of heroin and a few rigs were safely tucked into the pocket of my jacket. I left my clothes in her room as I walked down the stairs. I went through the glass doors and saw her turning on the jets of the hot tub.

“I stole moms key earlier so we could get booze.” She stated, holding up a bottle of wine, as she carefully got into the water. I followed in right after her.

Vanity sat next to me, her legs draped over mine as she faced me. “You really grew up like this?” I said with an astonish tone. “Yeah, you’ve known this. I don’t get why you still act surprised.” She retorted, taking a sip of wine straight from the bottle.

“Because you don’t act like it. I mean you can be a spoiled brat sometimes. But I just pictured someone who grew up how you did to be more, I don’t kn-“ “Not associate with the likes of people like you?” She interrupted me, a small chuckle arose from her.

“Yes, that’s exactly it. Not just me. But all four of us.” I said with a shrug as I took a sip from the bottle.

“Just because I’ve grown up privileged doesn’t mean anything. I’ll be friends with anyone as long as they’re nice to me, but not the fake nice ya know? The ones that are nice to you because they want something from you. Money, power…fame in your case.” She babbled, looking around at her surroundings.

“Do you miss your dad?” I asked her. I heard her let out a deep sigh as she looked at me, “All the time. My dad was always the voice of reason, whenever I did something wrong mom would freak out, but daddy was always calm about it.” She explained before taking a sip and looking at me.

“Do you ever miss your mom?” I cleared my throat, “Uh…” was all I could get out of my mouth, “I’m sorry. I know you don’t like talking about it, I don’t know why I asked that.” She was quick to apologize.

“I’ve never really missed her. Maybe I just wish things were different between Deanna and I.” I explained, brushing my fingers down her legs as I looked at her. “You should call her.” Vanity suggested. What a bright fucking idea.

“Just keep drinking that.” I said passing the bottle back to her. “I’m serious, Nik.” I groaned, “Can we stop? Please?” I pleaded, getting a huff in return.

“You excited for your party tomorrow?” I asked, pulling her closer to me, “Fuck no, I’m gonna be surrounded by rich socialites who are gonna pry into my business and then go around telling everyone what the Blackwoods daughter is up too.” She explained, “I’ve always hated being around them. I use to avoid all of the business parties for this reason.” She continued on, “That’s one of the reasons I left Dallas to begin with.”

“Yeah, why did you go to Los Angeles?” I questioned, wrapping my arm around the concrete as she leaned her head on my shoulder.

“Well for starters, Julian was coming back. I was tired of the same thing everyday. Wake up, go to the office with daddy, do paperwork all day, come home, eat dinner, go to bed, do it again the next day. That’s boring. And also I got into a fight with my parents and they kicked me out and told me to go figure out the real world on my own.” I laughed.

“Go figure it out as they still loaded your bank account every month? Right.” I continued to laugh as she glared at me. “They cut me off financially for five months. That’s why I got the diner gig. I was making less then three hundred dollars a week. It was difficult adjusting. I know it doesn’t sound like a big problem but it was to me.” I stopped laughing, realizing that I was probably hurting her feelings.

“Well what was the fight about?” I questioned as she stared at me, “Sixx, you can’t judge me.” She said worrisome,”Princess, I would never, just tell me.” I coaxed her, pulling her closer against me.

“It was like maybe a month after Julian got sent to the rehab place to work on his shit. Well uh…Julian got me pregnant-“

“I’m sorry? What?” I cut her off, looking at her with confusion.

“I didn’t want to have his child so I got an abortion, ya know cause my body, my choice. And the doctor that did it, totally broke HIPPA and called my parents, told them I was having one so they showed up at the appointment and told me how disgusting and wrong I was to do this.” I continued to stare at her as she explained, not even knowing what to say.

“They didn’t fucking care that Julian almost killed me, they cared more that I was ending a so called ‘life’.” She laughed bitterly, taking a swig from the bottle.

“So they told me to get the hell out and that they wouldn’t have a murderer living in their house. Mom was more mad about it, than dad was. But mom had daddy wrapped around her finger until the day he died. He would’ve done anything for her. So when mom said kick out Vanity, that’s what dad did.”

“Your family is like a bad soap opera.” Vanity laughed when I said that, “It’s bad, I know. But they’re my family, and I love them, I mean sometimes I wish I didn’t. But still.”

“You wanna be my date to the wedding?” I blurted out, completely catching her off guard.

“Not my date, cause we’re not dating, but we could go together if you wanted.” I rambled on as she ran her nails through my hair.

“I would love to be your date to T-bone’s wedding.” She replied, letting me take a fresh breath of air.

Vanity slowly got on top of me, sitting back on my lap as I held her hips, “Just as long as you match your tie to my dress.” She whispered, her lips grazing against mine, “Whatever you want babe.” I replied before planting my lips on hers.

Her lips were soft and warm as usual. They always tasted like vanilla mixed with whiskey and cigarettes, it left my mouth watering every time we kissed. The smell of chlorine combined with her flowery scent heightened my senses. She cupped both sides of my cheeks as she deepened the kiss, my heart felt like it was about to thump right out of my chest.

I wrapped my arms around her, tugging her body closer to mine. She was quick to enter my mouth with her tongue, I usually beat her to it. Her fingers were engulfed into my hair, she pulled her lips away from mine as she tilted my head back. I groaned as I felt her nip and suck at the exposed skin of my neck as she left her mark on me.

“Hm.” I heard her mumble as she pressed her lips against mine once more. She pulled away, resting her forehead against mine as her arms were wrapped around my shoulders, fingers twirling the ends of my hair.

“This is getting complicated, Nikki.” She whispered and let out a sigh as she looked straight at me, eyes wandering down to the abused skin then back up to me.

“What is?” I asked, already knowing what she was talking about, but I needed to hear her say it.

“Me and You.”

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crqstalite · 5 years

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15* day swtor challenge.

*didn’t take fifteen days. not even five.

the challenge <<<

anyways, decided to finally get around to this bad boy that i reblogged like a week ago or smth. our toon of choice for this one is our darling darth tri’ama amarillis-quinn.

1. PROLOGUE. Where was your OC before the class story? How’d they end up on the starter planet?

Tri’ama was born pure Kaasian (or so she assumes) to two unknown humans. There’s evidence there was another child born to her parents, making Tri’ama a twin to someone but she isn’t aware who. Adopted by two Sith Pureblood Lords, Raegia and Yusaits Amarillis, Tri’ama was raised rather well at the height of power. She had always been destined for Korriban, and routinely trained with her parents.

2. FAMILY. Is your OC’s family a large part of their story? Why or why not? Are they on good terms? Are any of your characters related?

Tri’ama’s parents have always been her biggest supporters, but were always very withdrawn with their loving. Often their childrearing would be considered extremely odd, from the violent training and the fact they’d continually push her past her physical boundaries. However, Raegia and Yusaits were careful to allow her to grow close to them, so they’re always on good terms. Tri’ama is aware that she has a twin, but assumes they were stillborn or abandoned, so doesn’t care much for it. They don’t appear much in story yet, but they will soon.

3. NAME. How did you come up with their name? What is it in-game? What do people call them? What do *you* call them?

Tri’ama was because I was beginning to realize ‘holy crap you can use apostrophes?!!!!’ hence why at least a 1/3 of my characters have an apostrophe somewhere in their name. It’s the same in-game, Tri’ama Amarillis (though I don’t have money for my legacy name). Sometimes Vette calls her ‘sis’ when they’re alone (which she LIVES for), Malavai refers to her as ‘my lord’, ‘my love’ when he’s feeling particularily adventerous, and her name when they’re alone, Jaesa refers to her as Master, Pierce is always ‘my lord’ or ‘my greatness therefore our one and only savior’ if he’s feeling like being annoying (thankfully he has a so-so friendship with her, so he’s in no danger of dying), and half the time she can’t figure what Broonmark is saying. I, call her bitch boy because she’s an asshole to literally everyone else.

4. COMBAT. What’s your character like in a fight? Is there anything you wish they could do in-game that isn’t an option? Favorite in-game moves? How did you decide their specialization?

Tri’ama is chaos and mayhem on wheels, but organized. Everyone has their position and what they have to do, and when things go according to plan, things are wonderful. I think force leap is my favorite thing for Sith Warrior’s and Jedi Knights to do because I love just leaping towards enemies and going to town. I decided her specialization because I really, really like double sabers and the abilities that come with them.

5. WARDROBE. How many outfit slots are filled? Did their look change over the course of the game, or stay consistent?

1. Literally one because I can’t afford to buy anymore. Also because I do more functionality than looks, so it depended on the planet. Whatever a Warrior on Hoth wore, she wore on Hoth. However, fic wise she did, going from having her hair short and slicked back, to having her hair long and around her shoulders during the endgame.

6. HOME. Where is home? A place? A person?

Home is Dromound Kaas, in her old family home. Home is with her parents, with the smell of good food and the quiet nights as the rain patters against the windows and she falls asleep.

7. PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS. Who are their closest friends? Do they have a lot, or a few? Do they trust easily, or does it take time?

Her closest friend is easily Vette, being the first person who began following her. They have a sisterly relationship, and always has a joke for her when they return to the ship. She’s one of the two people that can get her to laugh (the other being Malavai). She doesn’t have too many friends, being not only a Sith but also being Darth Amarillis. It takes a lot of time for her to trust someone, after being betrayed by not only Baras, but Malavai as well. But, it’s easy to see that those she does trust, are there for her life.

8. ROMANCES. A companion? An NPC? One of your OCs? Someone else’s? Nobody? Explain!

She’s married to Captain Malavai Quinn. Though it’s been a trying relationship (due to his betrayal and her inability to trust), Tri’ama loves him with her whole heart. They spend time together a little more sporadically than either would like, but what they do have, they treasure.

9. RIVALRIES. Who do they hate most? What’s the fastest way for someone to earn their dislike?

Mierrio. Hands down they despise each other mutually and don’t even try to fight their corresponding lovers on it. For a reason that still has yet to be revealed in-universe >:)

10. SLEEP. What are your OC’s sleeping habits like? Healthy? Terrible? With someone else?

Tri’ama actually sleeps rather well at night. She goes to bed when work is done, wakes up and then going back to work. In that way, she didn’t sleep with Malavai for nearly a year after his betrayal (she believes she’s most vulnerable while sleep), but now she can’t do so without him. Other than that, she’s the most well-rested Sith in the roster.

11. CANON DIVERGENCE. Are there parts of their story that don’t line up with in-game information? Why? Where?

Yes. When Baras asks the Sith Warrior whether they know the Sith Code, it’s assumed the PC has no idea what’s going on, and has been rushed into the Sith lifestyle. Tri’ama has been part of the Sith lifestyle since she was adopted by her parents, and of course would know the Sith Code, and what it means to be Sith. She wouldn’t have been rushed to Korriban either, though she was heavily advanced compared to other students and would’ve had no problem murdering Vemrin out of sight of the overseers without the assistance of Baras or Tremel. Other than that, no.

12. AUs. Do you have any alternate universes for them? What’s different? What’s the same?

One AU I have is the Faction Swap AU, where obviously, the characters switch their factions with the opposite class. Tri’ama became a Jedi Knight, which isn’t much different from her usual form, except that she murders less and doesn’t have an Imperial accent. Doc would’ve pissed her off, but she probably would’ve came around eventually, making it very clear that she was the one wearing pants in this relationship. The second AU I have is the Heritage AU, where she and Malavai have an unknown amount of children and...well it’s not written yet. Another AU is the lover swap AU (where I swap the companion lover and the PC’s roles), and Tri’ama would be the one stuck on Balmorra until Malavai arrives. She’s rather suave about how she enjoys her time spent with Baras’ apprentice and is extremely forward. Tri’ama, with her own trust issues, nearly refuses Baras before her life is threatened, and she purposely makes the robots much weaker than they should be.

13. ALIGNMENT. Light-dark, or D&D style, or both, whatever suits you. Did you plan for them to be the way they are, or did your ideas change as you played?

Dark side, mostly. Of course, I didn’t intend for her to be merciful to some characters, but it ended up that way because Malavai was partially light-sided as well and Tri’ama wanted to please him. Her D&D Alignment is Lawful Evil.

14. POST-OSSUS. How have they changed over the course of the thirteen years? How do they feel about their past self? How would their past self feel about them now?

Assuming we’re following my very fractured ‘Made of Star Dust’ universe, Tri’ama has changed because being seperated from the one person that promised to never leave her again, and the person that she trusted most in the whole galaxy snapped something inside her. Some call her the Melancholical Murderer, because she kills due to her own sadness and straining sanity. Things don’t go right back to normal after Malavai and Vette return, and she struggles to trust those in the Alliance as well. While Ezridivia has tried to reach out to her, along with Lana, surprisingly her remaining trust in the Barsen’thor (Naji) and Mierrio. Tri’ama sees her past self as weak, for not being able to deal the killing blow when she should’ve. Her past self would’ve seen this version as insane, and downright scary.

15. FREE DAY. Anything you’d like to talk about that wasn’t covered goes here. Fun facts? Not-fun facts? Go wild. I don’t own you.

Tri’ama loves, loves, LOVES, pets. She begged Malavai to adopt an akk dog (they didn’t, he made a remark that they already had Broonmark), and always checks out the wildlife on any planet that they land on. She also adores silk underclothes, and Malavai always complies. <3

@wolfboywarmachine !

#swtor15 #swtor #star wars the old republic #swtor fanfiction #swtor fanfic #swtor headcanons #malavai quinn #tri'ama amarillis-quinn

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peakyblinders1919 · 5 years

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The Gray’s

So @peakystitches and I have been doing some extensive rping and talking a lot of Michael and his future perfect little family, and I’ve had this written since forever so I thought I’d just share, let me know what you think :)

The city was fast asleep. Even the pubs were closing their doors, tossing the drunks onto the street to see night turn to morning. The streetlights dimmed and flickered haphazardly back to life, only another indication that it was time for Theo to get home.

He was already a couple hours late, what was a few more minutes?

“You could stay you know.” She said, her chest rising and falling rhythmically.

“I can't. My parents would kill me. Literally.”

He said before suddenly kissing her, and looking into her eyes once more before getting up and pulling on his pants.

“Right…” she said, turning over and watching him get dressed while biting her lip. “You’re parents have guns and what not in the house. Can I come over sometime and see?” She said, climbing out of bed and hanging onto him as he tried buttoning his shirt. He kissed her one more time before shrugging her off.

“Maybe. If they spare me. I’ve gotta go. I’ll call you.” He said, shuffling out the window, landing on the concrete below with a jolt. He straightened up, fixing himself before making the long, quiet walk home, hoping he’d be able to sneak in without getting caught and with no intentions of ever calling her.

As Theo came up to the extravagant building covered in ivy that he called home, he wondered what had gone wrong for other people to want the lifestyle he lived while he didn’t want it himself. He sighed, looking up at the big doors of his room, which opened onto a terrace. And while this was the safest way to get in, he’d done enough climbing for the night and it was far too late for anyone inside to be awake.

He struggled with the lock but got in rather easily, and quietly as he made sure to shut the door behind him with extreme caution. He was careful where he stepped, not wanting to wake his dad, or even worse his mum. And technically it wasn’t his fault that they rolled over and eventually woke up when they heard the dog barking wildly downstairs.

“Guinness, please, shush, it’s me…” Theo begged, trying to pet the old dog behind the ears to get him to stop but his barking persisted, his tail wagging in the dark and sending a vase falling to the ground. “Shit Guinn,” he whispered in the dark, leaning down to pick up the glass without cutting himself.

Meanwhile, upstairs you shot up at the sudden noise. “What was that?” You asked, turning on the light and watching your husband next to you open his eyes slowly.

“Probably nothing.” He mumbled.

“Michael, come on. It wasn’t nothing.” You said, throwing the covers over his face as you got up, putting your robe on and grabbing your knife without missing a beat. He sighed, grabbing his gun from the bedside table and following behind you.

“Y/N wait.” He called, eventually getting in front of you as you both descended the steps in the dark. You stayed close to Michael as he kept his gun pointed forward, moving with ease through the dark. As you got closer you heard a whisper and someone moving, accompanied by panting, and soon you were close enough to make out the shape of the dog.

“Guinness, what are you-” You called in the dark, realizing Michael had moved to flick on the lights. The room came to life, an unbelievable scene in front of you. Theodore was on the ground, cleaning up the mess the dog had made as Guinness watched, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. You let out a sigh of relief, though he jumped back as he saw you both with your weapons, only lowering them when you knew there was no real threat.

“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me.” You said, walking over and picking up the rest of the glass for him.

“Sorry Mum.”

“What’re you doing?” Michael said, sitting down in a chair with Guinness coming to his side.

“I was just…” He started, not sure what to say. “I was-”

“Sneaking in?” Michael said abruptly.

“Yeah, I stayed out past curfew, alright, and you guys wouldn’t have know if it wasn’t for that watch dog.”

“Theodore…” you warned.

“Sorry. But was the gun really necessary Dad?”

“When my family could very well be in danger, yes it’s necessary. Being out until 2 in the morning, what’s that about?” Michael asked, his voice rising with anger. Then tension was building, and you couldn’t sit and watch them anymore.

“Quiet, you two. You’re sister’s upstairs sleeping, we don’t want to wake her too.” You said, but as if on cue there were footsteps coming down the stairs.

“Mum, Dad, what’s going on down there?”

“Everything's alright, come here.” You called and she appeared in the living room, your eyes growing wide when you saw the knife in her hand. “Eleanor Elizabeth, where did you get that?”

“Oh, I...uh...found it.” She shrugged, handing it over to you with a grunt.

“This isn’t over. Go back upstairs, we’ll talk about this tomorrow morning.” You said to Ella sternly, carefully waving the knife at her.

“Teddy, you’re not off the hook either, sit down.” Michael called, earning him an eye roll from the blonde teen, sitting on the couch with a huff. You turned back to the boys, sitting on the arm of Michael’s chair. You gave him a reassuring smile before you both turned back to look at your son, the dog now laying his head in Theo’s lap guiltily. He petted the top of Guinness’ head, waiting for the lecture that he knew was coming.

“What were you thinking Teddy?”

“Theo…”

“Huh?”

“I haven’t gone by Teddy in years Dad.”

“Oh,” Michael said before clearing his throat and sitting up straighter. “Well still, you can’t stay out past curfew. What were you doing anyway, huh? Drinking? What?”

“Doesn’t matter. What’s the big deal if I was late anyway?”

“You have a curfew for a reason Ted-Theo. I’m trying to make sure you’re safe, and being a Gray and out on the streets this late at night is not a good idea.”

“What does it even matter Dad! I won’t be safe either way, will I? Someone could bloody put a knife to my throat in the middle of the day if they wanted. Doesn’t matter. As long as they get Michael Gray’s son they’ll be happy. You’ll just pay them off, right?”

Everyone was silent, your eyes scanning over your son and Michael. He clenched his jaw, staring at his son who just shook his head, looking out the window, refusing to look at either of you after that. The silence dragged on, before you stood up.

“Theo, go upstairs.” He sighed, shoving past you both in an aggressive manner as he walked upstairs and slammed his door, making you wince.

Michael sighed, sitting back in the chair. You walked around the room, fishing his cigarettes and a lighter from his jacket pocket hanging up, handing him one as he thanked you. He took a drag as you planted yourself on his lap.

“You alright?”

“Theo? Since when has he been going by Theo?”

“A few months Michael, but don’t worry about that, ok?” You said, running your hands through his hair. “And don’t worry about what he said, he didn’t mean it.”

“He’s right though, isn’t he? I suppose there’ll always be someone out there wanting to hurt us. I just...where did we go wrong? I thought taking over the company would be a good idea.”

“We didn’t go wrong anywhere Michael. We’ve done our best, we raised two great kids.”

“Yeah, if great means one hates me and the other’s got a secret stash of weapons she’s hiding from us, then we’ve done a bloody brilliant job.”

“Look, we knew it wasn’t going to be easy with kids and the company, but we’ve done the best we could. We’re never gonna be a normal family Michael, so all things considered we can’t be too disappointed in them. They haven’t killed anyone, yet.” You said, trying to defuse the tension. He inhaled again, blowing smoke up to the ceiling as he thought about it, before looking back at you with a smile. “I love you, you know that?”

“Mhmm.” You said, your hands wrapped around his neck as you leaned forward and kissed him lovingly.

“You’re an amazing mother too, I don’t know how you manage it.”

“With you by my side.” You said, kissing him again. “Let’s go back to bed, yeah?”

#family #michael gray #michael gray fanfic #Michael Shelby #Michael Gray imagine #michael gray fanfiction #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders imagines

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dailyaudiobible · 5 years

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09/06/2019 DAB Transcript

Song 1:1-4:16, 2 Corinthians 8:16-24, Psalms 50:1-23, Proverbs 22:22-23

Today is the 6th day of September. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It is a pleasure and a joy to be here with you today as we take the next step forward, stepping forward into the back of this week for sure but stepping forward in the Scriptures and we’ve reached another special point in our year where we’re encountering some territory in the Old Testament that we haven’t encountered before. So, today and tomorrow we’ll be reading a book known as the song of Solomon or the song of songs, which is indeed a radical departure from the territory that we've been spending in Job and Ecclesiastes, which definitely took us deep into the idea of endurance and the reality of suffering as well as meaninglessness and chasing the wind. So, we’ve been in some unique territory that has allowed us to actually open up and think some things through that we normally avoid. However, moving into the song of Solomon is like putting on a completely different hat, like we’re going into completely different territory.

Introduction to the Song of Solomon:

This little work, this poem is short but it’s potent and its potently beautiful, and its part of the wisdom literature in the Bible. So, in this Song of Songs we’ll discover that human sexuality is indeed a celebrated part of the biblical narrative but this poem as many other layers. So, like from a literal perspective it's the story of the passionate consummation of love between a man and woman who are completely lost in each other. And just…if we just left that alone, if that's what this book means then it is a witness to marital love and the bliss of passionate physical relationship. So, it stands alone that way, but the ancient Jewish tradition looks at the poem allegorically. It's poetry, right? So, you can look at it poetically. So, from this perspective, the story that’s being told in the Song of Solomon reveals God's passionate love for his children, who are the Hebrew people and this view is totally, totally supportable in other areas of Scripture in both the old and the New Testaments. In the Christian tradition, the Song of Solomon's is an allegorical look at Christ's passionate love for His church and a foreshadowing of His desire for His bride. So, in this case, all of those can be true and we can just allow the Holy Spirit to lead us as we approach the Song of Songs because there's a number of lenses that we can we can look through. So, invite God as this is being read. But no matter how we approach the Solomon it's a very meaningful portion of Scripture that speaks to us on different levels. And since it is love poetry, it's become a tradition around here for my wife Jill to join me in the reading. There are male voices and female voices that occur in this poem. And, so, let’s drink deep of the beautiful poetry that we find in the Song of Solomon.

Prayer:

Thank You, Father. Thank You, Father for Your word. Thank You for the way that it just continues to touch different things in us, and it comes to us as a live thing as a friend who speaks the truth to us no matter what's going on in our lives. And, so, so many times we may come to the same passage and find it speaking something so much more poignant to where we are on any given day, and we thank You, we thank You for this guidance. And as we spend this time moving through the song of Solomon, come Holy Spirit, reignite our love, our love for our spouse, our love for You as our Father, our love for Jesus as our Savior knowing that as passionate as we can imagine being, our passion pales in comparison to Yours for us. And, so, we walk into Your embrace and it feels safe and it feels like home and we invite Your Holy Spirit to continue to lead us into all truth as You promised. We pray these things in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, and of course it's always home base, it’s where you find out what’s going on around here.

And this week we released a couple of things, the steeped windfarm coffee, portable solution finally, finally, where we were able to get…well…you steep the coffee. So, it's like a teabag and that sounds weird but when you think about it it makes perfect sense. Like, if you drip coffee, it’s in a coffee filter. So, what if you used a coffee filter and wrapped up a single serving portion of coffee and you were able to steep it and what if you were able to nitro seal the oxygen on it so it would keep, so it would be fresh. Boom. So, we’ve got that. Those are in the Shop right now in the Coffee section as well as our brand-new Daily Audio Bible Journal 2.0 an improved version of the 1.0 version. So, you can find that in the lifestyle section at the Daily Audio Bible shop. So, check those things out. They are…well…they’re created for the journey and they are available as resources in the shop.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, then thank you. Thank you profoundly and deeply for that. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you are using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request a comment you can press the Hotline button in the app the little red circle at the top and share what's going on or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello, I called last week just to let you guys know that I was nine days sober. I forgot to say my name, I’, Olia from Minnesota. Yeah, today is day 17. I have no idea how I’ve made it this long, it’s just God is the only thing I can think of. Yeah, I just want to thank Asia and I think her name was Polly from Alaska that said her daughter is nine years sober, I can’t even imagine that right now. Just such a blessing that I’ve been just sober this long. I don’t reorder the last time I’ve been this sober, especially over a holiday weekend. I also wanted to just say a prayer for little Sherry and your back pain. I completely understand that. I have a fully fused Spohn and that happened when I was a teenager and ai still del with chronic back pain. And, so, I’m sending prayer to you. Thank you. Bye.

Hey DAB family this is Stephanie and Oklahoma. I’m missing work today. I’m an RN at a local hospital and I’ve had return of panic attacks which I haven’t had to deal with in a number of years but six weeks ago my mom died, I just found out that my oldest son has lymphoma, medication that I’ve been on for decades stopped working and I got just really death oriented in my thinking, knew that that wasn’t good and sought help. And, so, in between all the circumstances I also…I’m going to medication changes. I’m just frustrated to still be dealing with this after decades of counseling, seeking God, that’s been the biggest thing. I just…I’ve begged Him to take this away from me, this anxiety disorder, always being on the lookout, always fight or flight. I had to quit working trauma ICU ER because I burned out with the same thing three years ago and I’ve been doing a relatively easy job and a recovery room. So, I just need prayer because that’s the only thing it’s ever gotten me through before and I know it’s the only thing that’s going to get me through now. I pray that you would ask for wisdom from the physicians that are treating me and that I would…it’s when it happens, my mind is pretty settled it’s just my body completely freaking out – vertigo, sweating, nausea. So, I just I need help guys. I’m not in a good place and I need to be in a better place. I’m supposed to go on a missions trip to Honduras in February. Thanks all.

Hi, this is Christine from Washington state and I just heard a woman call in that lost one of her dogs and she’s depressed and her other little dog is sad and she’s had a cancer scare and I just want to know I was busy doing something so I didn’t get your name but I am praying for you and you are loved and I’m praying for your marriage too. So, hang in there. Sometimes God brings us through bad things just to get closer to Him. So, your loved and being prayed for.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible community this is Diane Olive Brown calling from Newburgh Indiana. Shalom, shalom. Nothing is missing nothing is broken. Well, today is September 4th 2019 at 7:43 in the morning and I just finished reading September 1st 2019. I’m catching up but I’m getting closer and we just finished Job and oh my goodness, what a wonderful experience that’s been. What can I say? What can I say? Oh Father, forgive me, forgive me. I didn’t know what I was talking about. I didn’t know what I was doing. Forgive me. Well I just want to say I love this community so much. I appreciate how your helping me to grow up in Jesus to become a mature bride of Christ, to become His best friend. When you start out with these desires of your heart, you don’t even know what you’re asking for, to be God’s best friend? Thank you, Daily Audio Bible. Thank you. I just want to finish with [singing] thank You Jesus for the grace that You have given us when we could never repay…

Yes, this is Tammy and I have asked for prayer for my daughter Megan before on Daily Audio Bible and we need prayer yet again. She’s fought __ from breast cancer an aggressive form and then she had a bone marrow transplant because her breast cancer treatment caused her to have leukemia. And it was going well and last week they found new leukemia cells and she goes back into treatment. Lord, please, I ask that You would heal my daughter and Lord especially her heart that is hardened against You right now because she doesn’t believe that You have her good in mind and I ask the Daily Audio Bible community to pray with me for her heart to be bound for home in God’s heart and know the love that You have for her. And I’m asking for a miracle, that her body would be healed in Jesus’ name, completely every cell made whole, her heart and mind made whole. Would you please agree with me Daily Audio Bible community? I’m a pastor and Muncie Indiana and I pray that all who would see Megan’s healing would be the glory of the Lord and that many would be drawn to Him. So, please I ask that you would come with me in these prayers for my daughter and also for her boyfriend Aiden who’s walking with her but also is __ God. So, Lord I ask that You would make possible what seems impossible right now in Jesus’ name. Thank You.

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erinseason2 · 7 years

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Get Real. (Get as real as you can)

I have had a few people ask me for cooking advice, healthy eating tips, how to cook for one, how to cook on a budget, how to feel good about food, {insert all other phrases related to these topics} so I wanted to share some of what I have found works. For the sake of transparency, it really does require a strong personal desire to live well and to make these changes. If you don’t want to eat nutritious food and move your body and feel strong both mentally and physically, then you won’t. There are so many excuses and short cuts and temptations and things to blame. If you don’t have a clear goal in mind, you will fall victim to outside influences. I never used to be fond of the phrase “put yourself first” because I thought that living my life for others was going to make me happy but please believe me when I tell you that it doesn’t. You will eventually crash and burn if you are trying to live for others. Tap into what changes you want to make for yourself and why you want to make those and let those wrap around your body and mind and soul over and over like a silk scarf.

My personal goal is to eat real food and exercise consistently. I know that sounds vague, but drawing hard lines is not the way to a healthy relationship with food that actually lasts longer than a few months. If you are looking for a crash diet or a way to loose 6 pounds so you look better in your Instagram photos, you have come to the wrong place. I define “real food” as food that I recognize from farming imagery, food with ingredients that an elementary school student could name, and staying away from foods that are processed. Processed is when the ingredients list reads like Swahili. Processed is anything that has a long ingredient list and is produced by a brand owned by white male stakeholders in New Jersey who don’t give a shit about you. You need to use your own brain and discretion, as a “Chiquita” brand banana is fabulous, while “Kellogg’s Special K” is trash.

Try not to think of foods that are processed or artifical as “bad foods” or “off limits foods,” because they AREN’T FOOD AT ALL! I have found that restricting certain foods only makes me want them more. You need to be able to change the way you think about that garbage food. Human’s were not meant to digest synthetic chemicals, maltodextrin, and sodium nitrates. If you change your definition of what “real food” is, all of that processed crap won’t even need to be on an “off limits” list because it doesn’t qualify as edible.

Another thing I want to say (and please bare with me in terms of organization–these posts are likely to be all over the place but such is life. Life is messy. Embrace it. (LOL. I have become that blogger who writes “Life is messy. Embrace it” in a post about healthy eating.) Anyways, I want to say that living a healthful life is not limited to privelaged white girls. It doesn’t matter how much money you make, or how close you live to a Whole Foods (in fact, I strongly advise you stay away from WF in most cases–will explain later), or how much time you have. You all have all of the resources you need for your own health. If you want to blame your job or your bank account or Trump or your parents, please find the nearest exit now. This is not for the faint of heart. If you want this you will find a way.

When I say “exercise consistently,” find your own definition of consistent. Right now I am exercising 5x a week. I can hear the gasps already. You can’t have one or the other folks, healthy living must incorporate working out and eating nutritiously. I would even like to add a third leg to that and include mediation but I’ll save that for another post. You can NOT neglect your diet and expect to be able to out-exercise it. And you can NOT live a sedentary life and expect your healthy diet to carry you throug. Take a dance class! Walk an imaginary dog! There are an infinite number of ways to move those bones.

I happen to be training for a marathon, so for the next 7 months I have a consistent daily training schedule laid out, and to be quite honest I recommend this to anyone! If you’re sitting there going “yeah but I don’t run.” Ok nobody “runs” until they actually start. “Yeah but like Erin I REALLY don’t run, like my legs/back/ankles are bad/insert another excuse.” Well then find a workout that works for you. But you are only lying to yourself. I know that everyone can run. Think of all those success stories about like 90 year olds who do Ironmans. Get out of your own way. I know there are a lot of cliches in this post and there will continue to be many, but that’s because they actually make sense in this context, and they are pretty truthful.

Download the Nike Training Club app. It is completely free and it has HUNDREDS of workouts ranging from 7 minute yoga routines to 60 minute boot camps that will come close to killing you. If you can’t afford to join a studio or you are put off by the commercialization of yoga (that was me), find an alternative. There are so many. I like running because it’s free, it’s a moving meditation, I get to explore different areas (my own neighborhoods, new neighborhoods, literally wherever), I love working out outside, and I love having a “runner’s high.” It is a real thing and it feels great.

My mom and dad and brother and I are all running a marathon together. This is my mom and I’s first marathon but it is my brother and my dad’s like tenth. We weren’t “born runners” (no one is FYI). We have just decided that we want to challenge ourselves and do so as a family. Make that decision for yourself. If you are sitting there going “but Erin my family isn’t as supportive, we don’t run like that” then I invite you to join mine. I will be your support system if anyone is reading this and wants to train.

Last year I was really into yoga. I took a class every other day and got really good at the poses and noticed such a huge difference in my body. There have been months in my life where all I did was do a 30 minute walk a few times a week. I am not suggesting that we all run a marathon a year (although that sounds like a lot of fun to me). What I hope to convey is that pursuing a healthy lifestyle has to come from a very innate place. You HAVE to make this process something that works for you. It can’t be a complete mock of someone else’s life. Start tinkering with different workouts. Start small will cooking (we will get to that). And start to build a lifestyle that makes you proud. Not your dad, your boyfriend, your parents, your boss, but you.

Quick list of workouts that I love: boxing, pilates (mat or reformer), running (lol you’re all like, ‘we get it’), dancing, walking!, swimming, HIKING, riding my bike to coffee shops that are 5 miles away (wear a helmet, I f*cking beg of you).

I want to talk a lot about cooking and eating and foods and share various tips and tricks that have made my transition to being able to cook a lovely and nutrient dense salmon dinner much easier and REALLY FUN, but I will save it for the next post. Like I said, these posts won’t be very organized at this point. I am trying to spill a lot of information across a wide variety of topics, as it occurs to me to blog it.

#health #fitness #wellness #personal #blogging #fruit #vegetable #sports #lol

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lifeonashelf · 4 years

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CKY

Do any of you remember a film from the ‘90s called Shazaam?

Allow me to refresh your memory: Shazaam was a vehicle for C-list comedian Sinbad, who is perhaps best known for starring in a 1994 sitcom that was creatively titled The Sinbad Show—which I never watched because the show starred Sinbad. The Sinbad Show didn’t even last a full season on the FOX network (probably because the show starred Sinbad), but sometime either shortly before or shortly after that program was cancelled, its namesake landed the lead role in a film entitled Shazaam, a part which allowed him to stretch his acting chops by playing a wisecracking genie who acted exactly like Sinbad.

I distinctly remember seeing the trailer for this cinematic tour de force. To the best of my recollection, the plot revolved around two precocious children—one girl and one boy, naturally, to ensure that twice as many kids would beg their parents to buy the tie-in merchandise that would inexorably be produced if the film was successful—who one way or another encounter a djinn named Shazaam. Though their initial meeting befalls as a startling surprise for all parties concerned, they quickly become the best of pals and Shazaam subsequently convoys his youthful comrades through a rote series of comical PG hijinks. The specific nature of their shenanigans has been lost to the haze of time, but those details don’t matter much; a mid-‘90s movie built upon that scenario and geared toward that audience sort of writes itself (I doubt there was a subplot about Hungarian sex traffickers, for instance). I’m sure Shazaam helps the moppets surmount some sort of reasonably benign conflict and everyone learns a lesson about the true meaning of family by the time the credits roll. I’m assuming a clever dog is also involved in some fashion, and I’m confident the film features at least one protracted flatulence gag. Mind you, this is all just speculation; I can’t verify any of it since I never actually watched Shazaam (I decided not to because the trailer revealed that the film starred Sinbad).

Perhaps you already know where I’m going with this, but in case you don’t: Shazaam likely qualifies as the least successful celluloid offering ever concocted, because it is a movie which literally nobody watched. Oddly, this dearth of viewership didn’t have anything to do with Sinbad starring in it; the main reason nobody watched the film Shazaam is because the film Shazaam doesn’t actually exist. And I have a real difficult time wrapping my head around this, because not only am I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CERTAIN that I remember viewing the trailer I’ve described, I can also readily visualize the VHS case for this movie that was never really a movie on the shelves at Blockbuster Video (imagine my incredulity when I learned that Blockbuster Video never actually existed, either). And even stranger, there are evidently thousands upon thousands of people who recall the existence of this movie that does not exist as vividly as I do.

If you kept up with the brief internet furor about this topic which arose a couple years ago, you’re undoubtedly aware the Shazaam phenomenon has been explained away as some peculiar mass delusion known as the Mandela Effect—apparently, so many human brains muddled the title and star of the ill-advised Shaquille O’Neal genie flick Kazaam that our collective hive-minds fabricated an illusory film to match our erroneous memories. (Of course, this begs the question: do those of us who remember Shazaam subconsciously wish there was a film in which Sinbad plays a sassy, flatulent genie…?). This clarification makes a kind of sense, even though my vague recollections of the corporeal Kazaam and my lucid recollections of the false Shazaam differ substantially (in my brain, Sinbad never raps or does karate in his movie, yet both disciplines factor into major plot-points in Kazaam—and Shazaam doesn’t meander into a baffling second-act detour about Hungarian sex traffickers like Shaq’s film inexplicably does).

So here’s the reason I’m bringing this up here: when I sat down to write about the band CKY, the paramount thing I intended to delve into was how I was introduced to their music. Do me a favor and keep that in mind—this information will come in handy later.

When I was a twenty-something in the very late 1990’s-slash-very early 2000’s, I worked at Domino’s Pizza as a delivery driver, which was a really excellent gig at the time. I had almost no bills and gas was a buck a gallon, so I only needed to work about 20 hours a week to earn enough money to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle. And like most twenty-something males who make their living as pizza conveyance professionals, when I wasn’t on the road, my comfortable lifestyle mainly entailed spending inordinate amounts of my free time listening to a bunch of punk rock, smoking a bunch of pot, and playing a bunch of video games.

[To be clear, not all of my co-workers at Domino’s did even one of these things. There was Dennis, for instance, who to the best of my knowledge did not enjoy punk rock, marijuana, or video games. He did, however, regularly come into work with cartons of expired baked goods that he extracted from the dumpsters behind Vons, which he would then rinse in the sink to make them “fresh” again. The prevailing rumor about Dennis’s backstory was that he was a former surgeon who had a nervous breakdown after losing a child patient on the operating table. I’m not so sure that was true, although I am very sure that he once brought in a plastic grocery bag filled with vomit instead of pastries and attempted to rinse that in the sink, too—which is why I tend to lean more toward believing Dennis was probably just fundamentally insane. There was no preamble to his unambiguously unhinged act; the dude simply strolled into the prep area at the start of his shift and said “hey, Taylor” to me like it was any other day… except he was carrying a sack of upchuck with him, clutching it right below the straps, as if girding the parcel to ensure he wouldn’t spill any of his cargo. My manager sent him home when she saw what was in the bag, but Dennis came back to work the very next afternoon—sans puke satchel—and the incident was never spoken of again. To this day, I cannot fathom how Dennis accumulated all that vomit, why he was hauling it around in his car, or what he was hoping to accomplish by soaking it in the same basin where we washed our pizza pans. Anyway, what I was getting at is that he didn’t especially fit the stereotype I outlined. We got along okay, though; I always made it a point to be really nice to the guy—you know, considering his alarming derangement and all.]

One of the staples of my Playstation habits in those days was the Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater series. Despite having only spent a combined total of maybe zero-point-three hours on an actual skateboard in my entire life, my best friend Andy and I logged approximately 19,000 hours guiding the avatars in those seminal games through a multitude of gravity-and-logic-defying feats which no human being could ever possibly achieve with or without a skateboard. In the real world, I probably couldn’t even pull off an elementary trick like an ollie—but in the realm of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater I was a four-wheeled fucking god who could effortlessly grind up the side of a building, soar off the opposite edge, perform roughly nineteen twisting flips on my way back down, then execute a perfect landing on the downslope of an opportunely-placed ramp so I could launch off that and catch enough air to do nineteen more flips. Though I have never been an aficionado of that particular sporting pursuit, the Tony Hawk games were incredibly fun and offered endless replay potential due to the almost pornographic extremity of their facets. The conscientious city planners in THPS’s utopia were mindful to randomly insert dozens of half-pipes and empty swimming pools all over their towns, and none of their edifices featured a single surface that could not be utilized for some sort of astonishing aerodynamic exploit.

Instead of composing an original musical score for the series, the developers of the Pro Skater franchise rather ingeniously opted to license fifteen-or-so songs by relatively popular bands for each installment. These tunes supplied the background inspiration during gameplay, and were ostensibly chosen because they represented genres which the skater demographic enjoyed—unsurprisingly, the soundtracks predominantly relied on crowd-pleasing punk and hip-hop material (although one of the sequels featured a song by Powerman 5000, whose fanbase was roughly equivalent to the number of people who have watched Shazaam). However, a cycle of only fifteen tracks doesn’t go a very long way when it’s entirely feasible to play 100 rounds in one sitting—as Andy and I regularly did. So as you might suspect, we ended up hearing the same song-batch an incalculable number of times throughout the course of any given session, which inevitably burned every one of those tracks permanently into our brains. This is how I became intimately familiar with the band CKY, whose cut “Flesh Into Gear” appeared in one of the Tony Hawk releases and was consequently submitted for my listening pleasure hundreds upon hundreds of times.

Luckily, “Flesh Into Gear” is a really cool tune, a prime slice of appealing proto-metal with an insidiously catchy chorus and a snaking stoner-rock guitar riff that would undoubtedly inspire anyone in their right mind to rail-slide across a chain of forty conveniently-equidistant park benches. I could hardly believe a song this excellent and shrewdly-crafted was coined by an outfit like CKY, since the group’s foremost point of notoriety at the time was their drummer’s family ties to one of the cast members of Jackass—an obtuse reality television showcase for the misadventures of a squad of unabashed idiots whose misguided testosterone impelled them to launch bottle rockets out of their rectums, drink animal semen, and obsessively scour the ends of the earth searching for various objects to pummel each other’s testicles with.

My persistent exposure to “Flesh Into Gear” via Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater eventually motivated me to purchase CKY’s 2002 release Infiltrate-Destroy-Rebuild, the album the track was borrowed from. I have been spinning that disc repeatedly since I started writing this, and—while the rest of the band’s material is satisfactory but un-extraordinary—every single time “Flesh Into Gear” comes on, it instills me with a rush of delightful nostalgia. I cannot remember the last time I played any of the Pro Skater installments, but with “Flesh Into Gear” navigating my recollections just like it navigated my board-wielding avatar seventeen years ago, I can still clearly visualize the games’ indelible imagery and virtually weave my way through the vast intricacies of those levels I traversed countless times back then. And these evocations are accompanied by a flood of additional splendid reminiscences, snapshots from a far simpler and more idyllic time—perhaps my very favorite phase of my life—an era free of real jobs and real responsibilities, when on any given day my best friend and I could unreservedly spend endless hours engrossed in Playstation, and the most critical concerns in our purview were what combination of toppings we should order on our pizza and whether or not we would be able to track down an eighth so we could smoke a bowl before watching that evening’s new episode of South Park.

This is the true and immeasurable splendor of music. Even this many years removed, I can still listen to “Flesh Into Gear” today and instantly be enveloped in those potent and wonderful memories, transported back to a comfortable living room in Lakewood, sitting in front of a big-screen television beside someone who is closer to me than a brother, our fingers frenetically tapping on the joysticks which control our destinies on the monitor, beautifully oblivious to the evaporating hours because we are twenty-one and our time seems infinite and our futures are wide open and we have a whole lifetime of escapades ahead of us. On these glorious occasions, Andy and I weren’t just mindlessly zoning out on some silly skateboarding game. We were ardently devoting ourselves to having fun, pure and unadulterated fun, the kind of serene merriment you only get to have for a woefully short yet richly blessed period of your existence, the kind of immaculate and untroubled amusement you don’t realize you won’t ever experience again until that phase of your life imperceptibly cedes to the next and the ravages of the real world begin to methodically devour your body and your soul. We were also laughing, a lot, often so vigorously and exuberantly that our giggle-fits overtook us in irrepressible paroxysms that brought tears of elation to our eyes. Simply by being in the same room with each other, we were celebrating just how special a friendship that spans literal decades truly is, and how singularly magnificent it feels to spend time with people whose mere presence has the ability to make you happy. So, it didn’t ultimately matter how many times we heard “Flesh Into Gear”. I never got sick of that song. Who could ever get sick of laughter and happiness?

The list of CKY’s quantifiable merits isn’t an especially long one. Nevertheless, they created something which conjures a surge of jubilant memories that I will never forget, and would never want to. Thus, they will always occupy a warm place in my heart, a place where they are inextricably tied to one of the most joyful epochs of my life: those euphoric and carefree days when my best friend and I had all the time in the world to listen to “Flesh Into Gear” over and over and over again while we were playing Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater.

Okay, are you ready? Here comes the Sinbad part…

In the interest of accuracy, I went online to look up the Pro Skater series and clarify which installment this particular track was used in. As I said, each of the Tony Hawk releases featured a different assortment of songs, and since Andy and I enthusiastically immersed ourselves in all of them as they came out, we heard and re-heard the music on all of those playlists accordingly. I was fairly certain “Flesh Into Gear” was part of Pro Skater 3’s soundtrack, but I wanted to verify that it hadn’t instead appeared in one of the previous games before I started waxing nostalgic here.

What I found out is this: CKY’s song “Flesh Into Gear” did not appear in any edition of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater. The band did indeed supply a track to THPS3, but it was an entirely different cut called “96 Quite Bitter Beings”, which I do not have in my collection because it isn’t even on the same album as “Flesh Into Gear”. This means that for the last however-many years, I have been assigning a reverent sentimental significance to a song that, for all intents and purposes, has absolutely no relevance to the detailed web of memories I have snuggled around it. The crystal-clear recollections I have of guiding a pixilated daredevil through a labyrinth of nosegrind-ready obstacles while “Flesh Into Gear” churned in the background never happened.

Shazaam.

For the record, Andy is still my best friend, and has been for 33 years and counting. Our lives have changed significantly since our Pro Skater era, but our bond has not. Though we are only able to hang out every couple months or so at present, whenever we do, we still play video games. And we still watch South Park. And we still approach ordering pizza like the medley of toppings we select are variables in an intricate and vitally-imperative equation. And we still laugh a whole fucking lot.

Sure, I miss the old days—anyone who doesn’t miss the old days obviously wasn’t doing the old days right. Yet, despite only seeing Andy a handful of times a year and having to drive two hours to Oceanside to do so, I never get so wistful for the way things were that I neglect cherishing the way things are now. I love Andy’s wife, Neisa, and I love having a front-row seat to the incredible and inspiring marriage they have built together. I absolutely adore the two remarkable humans they created, Shae and Nixon, and I consider it the most profound honor of my life to be their Uncle Taylor. There are plenty of things I would change about my own contemporary reality, but there isn’t a single thing I would change about theirs.

Still, every now and then, I do find myself wishing I could revisit that living room in Lakewood, settle down in front of that big-screen TV with Andy, turn on the Playstation, and feel as infinite and invincible and utterly content as I did back when I was a twenty-one year-old pizza conveyance professional whose universe was far too harmonious and secure to generate even an inkling of anxiety about the present, let alone the future. If I did return to that time and place, it wouldn’t be so I could instigate any sweeping amendments or pass on some sage piece of cautionary wisdom to my younger self. No, I think I would let the pages of that chapter turn exactly the way they did. Because, all things considered, spending entire days on end doing something as enchantingly frivolous as playing Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater with your best friend in the world isn’t really all that irresponsible—it’s probably precisely what life is all about. And, you know what, it wouldn’t matter to me one bit which CKY song was on the soundtrack, just as long as Andy and I were having fun while we listened to it.

I hope you enjoyed this piece. Even though it starred Sinbad. If you don’t mind, I’m going to go ahead and roll the credits here on that poignant note. I’ll save the story about my run-in with Hungarian sex traffickers for another time.

July 21, 2018

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vishak69-blog · 5 years

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If you need a reason to try harder

Story of Mr. Vishak

There are two kinds of people.One who thinks and another who doesn't.

One who thinks and another who doesn't.

Could that be a blessing or / and a curse?

One who thinks and another who doesn't.

Could that be a blessing or / and a curse?

A fire can cook a man’s dinner and it can cook a man. I’ve always tried redirecting my thoughts and actions towards something that I’m passionate about.

Music obviously topped the hunger list which I’ve taken it to this special place called nowhere. Wrote a ton of bars (Rap is what’s we’re discussing here) on government, poverty, politics, drugs, violence pretty much the directions that people suffer from the world accepted regularities. Taking the path traveled by my heroes, guys like Em, Pac, RAKIM, Shawn Carter and more. They were my single source of inspiration and outlet. Even my very few friends didn’t know about my writing and rapping. Playin’ low key produced my own beats and rapped to it with not a single visit to the studio cause of my pre-conceived perception of getting nowhere with this for one reason. India and Gangster Rap is like pretty girl doing dishes. The “Won’t happen” presumption sometimes kills lives you see. And this was way back when I was pursuing my masters. Hated every single day of school and hi-school. They never interested me nor what they teach nor what they do. Like EM said “I’m too cool to go back, show me where the f studio at”.

Which eventuated me to take a slight deviation from Rap scene into the discotheque atmosphere and I have not come across a term DJ. Didn’t have any idea about the clubs, night life, EDM, no nothing. Having said that, I produced my own beats and have mixed a ton of tracks majorly focusing on Progressive and Deep house (Ignore the technical terms) regardless. Then I got introduced to the club scene by a stranger then friend who gave me the opportunity to get my hands on the turntables and crowd control (not religion) which is in the club as I was sound with the technicalities. He was impressed by my live mixes. Post MBA, I landed in a job with a bank after 2 months of anxiety struggles. Now the elephant is trying to climb the tree.

Spent a decade of stint with this company and obviously no direction nor goal as I was just getting by with my career. Perhaps with my life I’d say. Couple of years has flown by with the corporate and everything was in its own pace. Met a stranger at a party, and partnered up with an event management company that he owned. Started gigging for a few years with an extreme lifestyle of sleepless nights accompanied by heavy drinking. Managing 2 boats at the time that is parties and the Bank job was challenging. But loved one side of the journey that kept me persisting. Wasn’t making anything out of gigs and I was all too blind to see the business side of it. But there was passion and lot more of passion. And took that opportunity as a learning experience. Simultaneously illusional promotions at work kind of kept me on the ring and DJ was a Titanic. It was all going down. Incidentally ran into the gym which was at work to have my weight checked. Never realized that this day would change it all. Even to the point of contemplation to take my DJ hat off few months later as the lifestyles for both sides were not going hand in hand. Thought came into reality.

Connected with the trainer at the gym and things started taking shape. Perhaps I was taking shape as it was just happening with no serious efforts or consciousness. When people at work started noticing and recognizing, I’ve realized maybe I’m doing something right. I was learning and experimenting on my body. Trial and error and more trial and error and lot more of it. Weighing almost 93, I was beefing up quick and I got big within months. But am I on the right track by packing just them muscles? I’m sure I don’t know. But more people started to talk about me, slowly but very steadily I started realizing what discipline was and I have kept it up to this day as you read this. 7 good quality years of longevity.

Me and my bud at the gym share food and conversation post training. On that particular night though as we were fueling after a training session, we spoke and decided on ripped physique. Getting jacked was the discussion. I was instantly hooked and juices started flowing in my head. I trained. And I trained like a mad dog regardless of my circumstances or time. Trained to a point where I almost forgot the meaning for the word “Excuse”. Most people started asking for help and wanted advice on training, food, lifestyle etc. Felt like I was the Austrian Oak. I was jacked from 93 to 64 kgs with 5% bodyfat within few months. No personal trainer no nutritionist no drugs no bragging and all natty. I was literally shi**ing only meat and veggies at that time because of force feeding tasteless food for months together. And it was worth every bit of it. More people started coming to me. And that fired me up to go hard every single day. Helped a few with setting goals and to visualize it and how to stay disciplined throughout without derailing.

Spent few years like this as the health aspect was on track which I was led to believe by the way I looked and felt. And that’s when I took a hit. A major hit on my lower back with the deadlift that helped me to get bed ridden for months together. Mental pain was more than physical you see. Losers started pitying me and asking me why I train so much and laughing in my absence. Only they realized later the value of my ABS sense. Criticism is a very noble factor. Taking trips across states to hospitals and contemplating suicide on the other hand as few docs advised me that I won’t be able to hit the gym ever in my life cause the damage is already done and it’s for life and so is the pain. So, I better be careful and never step into the iron game ever. That particular thought plunged into my brain like an arrow and left a permanent damage in my heart. Well, permanent at that time. My soul was shattered and there I hit the rock bottom instantaneously topped with depression. Icing on that particular cake was too fu*kin sweetened. My stubborn career held a meeting with me and told me that we’re gonna take another deep dive into the darkness. I asked what is this now??? Life replied “a dessert is good after a main course”. Everything started changing around me and the same people who looked up to me started repelling. There wasn’t one day that I turned up at work without a hoodie on and doing nightshift, so that I don’t have to face any of them mofos. Fear, anxiety and everything else associated with it kicked me and kicked me hard.

This was probably the transitional period of my life as I was begging god to please give me the fortitude to get my crap together. Then he replied “Sorry Son, I can’t help you with this because it’s a diarrhea. Apparently, sh*t was more scattered than it seemed. Because I was alone battling and didn’t want any of my close ones to know about my elite life. Not even my family. Fighting my darkness all by myself gave me an extra edge of independency though. It was more than “crap hit the fan” as my life was taking another vacation down to the rock bottom and so was my career. Colors of life.

Being broke isn’t a new story to me neither my starvation. Ironically a bank officer with a Double Masters in Finance and Marketing going broke to the point of having no food for days and days wishing only if someone could buy me a meal, that would be a heavenly experience. Never really crossed my mind that only I can fix my sh*t. Was too damn embarrassed to ask anyone for a meal because I was with a multinational Corporation. Was literally living with free crackers, free cookies and free coffee for weeks and weeks until the next paycheck. The taste of any real food was so delicious that my eyes leaked when it touched my tongue. Constantly having heavy threats about getting fired if I be Mr. Vishak because they took my confidence for arrogance. Back injury was in the process of recovery. But scared to death and anxious about my future and the jobless situation tomorrow if I may have to face and starvation topping the situation. It was a Perfect Marriage.

The grass was greener but something was just not right about it as it’s on the other side. I can’t go cheap for a passing cloud. Change in departments at my corporate world gave me a little breather. Warm team, excellent environment with best people to work and transparent management. Hard to find teams like that in corporate segments I was led to believe. I was 2 months away from losing my job cause few people didn’t like me on one team. And then there’s this man from another team who breath a whole new life into me regardless of people telling not to hire me. He believed in me and gave a me a chance. But still the elephant can’t climb a tree. Or can it?

Fast forward couple of years later, my next vehicle was film while still at the 9 to 5. Actually it was 5 AM to 2 PM. But a new inspiration to be a Film director. Focused on movies and joined a crew only to realize this was all going to be another titanic 2oo soon within a year. Months flown by and got nowhere and still proudly averaging at the bank job.

At the career meeting on a particular day I happened to be silent. Very silent that I wasn’t scared anymore about my future. Perhaps it was a calling. My boss was rapping jazz and I broke the silence retorting with these exact same words.

“Save the rap. Temporary failure doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a permanent defeat. You need a tank to take me down”. He gone blank and didn’t know what in the actual f was I talkin’ about.

Maybe I wasn’t meant for any of these. Maybe I would have done something if I had a guardian angel. May be a mentor. May be if I had someone to teach me things, I’d have done things right. May be someone to show the light. The question is why is an Elephant trying to climb a tree in the first place. That wasn’t the place for me and what I was doing was never what I wanted to do and everything else was just excuse and distraction. I can blame the whole world and situations and wonder if I had…. As a wise man rightly said, if you think they’re the problem, nothing will change. If you think you’re the problem, then everything will. Or may be its all my fault. Well, it is my fault of course. Because I’m sitting here looking at the world from a cubicle. That’s a mistake and I won’t be able to do what I came here to do if I continue the same and would get nowhere.

At that point, one thing was for sure. That silence was a deep breath before the storm. The thought that crossed my mind was “I want to be the person whom I never had”. Today the world we live in, 95% of the people live in conformity. Constantly looking for approval and trying to fit in and to get by. Now the question on the line is courage. Courage to convince myself to do it. I needed to have the courage to quit my job without searching for another one, as it was my first job. Courage to convince my family about it. Courage to get into the market that I don’t know. Learning sure helps. But COURAGE. It puts a very different face in people’s face. Sure, I did a lot of things and got nowhere and it was all invaluable learning experience. But the missing factor was a pair of testicles.

Hence the result of the equation is Black Major - The Human Development Company.

www.blackmajor.in

On a mission to propel people to take BOLD approach and transform their life.

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one-in-a-maxi-million · 6 years

Text

Soul for a Soul(mate)

Words: 2805

Characters: Erik, Locke, Clover

Summary: Erik gets summoned to make a deal with a young college student named Locke. Story ensues.

Warnings for dead deer (Don’t worry, it’s brief)

_Day1

It had been a while since I had gotten to make a deal.

The man who was visible through the communication portal looked to be in his early twenties. Uncertain hazel eyes peered out from behind fluffy black hair, and his anxious movements were only exaggerated by his lanky frame. He was staring so intently at me that I had to make several rumbling noises to jolt him into introducing himself.

“Oh!” He exclaimed, suddenly realizing that his summoning spell had worked and that I was waiting impatiently for him. “My name’s Locke. Are you Erikacervon? Can you do soulmate deals?”

I chuckled. “First of all, call me Erik. Good job pronouncing it right, though. Second, yeah. I can make soulmate deals.”

Locke’s face lit up. “Excellent! I did some research. My soul will work as a proper offer in return, correct?” I considered it. Locke had relaxed upon realizing that he had summoned the right demon, but still looked ready to bolt at any second. Trying to bargain for more would likely result in him ending the summon to find a demon more willing to make a deal.

“That should work.” I said, nodding. “I’ll draw up a contract.”

In my peripheral vision I saw Locke tense. I glanced up from the paper and quill I had already pulled out, curious as to what had made him freeze up. Following his stare I turned to see a large hellhound a few steps away. Purple saliva dripped from its fangs to sizzle on the ground below. I sighed; this is what I get for accepting a summoning at the edge of my territory.

The hellhound tilted its head back in a bloodthirsty howl. Darting forward, I jabbed its neck while it was doing so, making its (admittedly pretty) howl collapse into a series of ugly gags. It quickly backed away, still retching. It shot me a glare before turning and bolting out of sight. I sighed and turned back to the scroll. The contract was written quickly, the scroll and quill turning my thoughts into writing almost instantly. Locke waited patiently as I finished drawing up the contract. With a wave of my hand, the scroll appeared in his.

“Here’s what we’re going to do. You will go out and purchase everything you need in order to remain in your apartment for a week. You will not leave the apartment after midnight tonight. Between midnight tonight and 12 am Sunday, your soulmate will show up at your apartment. Only one person will show up this week. You will contact me every day at 7 pm to report whether or not your soulmate has showed. After they have, you will have no need to remain in the apartment and may return to your normal life. When you die, your soul will be mine. Is this understood?” Locke had been reading the contract while I talked-it said essentially the same thing.

Locke nodded.

“Alright. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Hey, thanks for the he-” I cut the connection and turned to head back to my lair.

_Day2

The next day passed smoothly. I rearranged my hoard and did some much needed dusting; I never was a huge fan of the cobweb look. You’re far more intimidating with a lair that is clean and orderly. Otherwise you just look lazy, and we can’t have that.

I wandered away from the entrance of my lair to examine an offering of crystals laid out near the very edge of my territory, only a stone’s throw from where I had received the summon yesterday. There were several large pawprints nearby, although whether they had any relation to the pile of crystals could not be determined. I sat down and stared at the crystals, which started to float as I manipulated them with magic. Dots of light flickered across the ground as I lazily allowed the crystals to float and spin around me. I had so many crystalline treasures that were of far superior quality; maybe I could offer one to Locke as a gift for his soulmate. What to get in return, though…

Just then, a murky vortex swirled into view in front of me. I accepted the call, and Locke’s face swam into view.

“No one showed today, although I suppose that’s understandable. It’s only the first day, after all…They could be halfway across the world or something. It might take a few days. After all, I can hardly expect someone in Australia to just manage to show up so quickly. Right?”

I quirked an eyebrow at his anxious rambling. “Yes. That’s why I gave it a week.”

Locke seemed to realize he had been rambling, quickly looking away from me as a faint blush crept across his features.

Once again, our call was interrupted by a faint growling. Actually, it was more like a rumble this time-like standing too close to a bass drum after an idiot had hit it as hard as they could because they don’t understand how the dynamics of music WORK.

Anyway.

Low rumbling noise.

Locke and I both looked in the direction the sound seemed to be coming from and, lo and behold, there was the same hellhound from yesterday. Locke couldn’t see it (the angles just weren’t lining up) but it sat next to the pile of crystals, one paw hovering over my territory line. I snarled at it, and it retracted its paw with an annoyed sounding huff. It then moved to lie down, and Locke made a sound like he was dying. Immediately the hellhound and I whipped our heads around to face him, ears pricking up.

“Puppy!” Locke cried, and broke off into the most bizarre tangent I had ever heard directed at a hellhound (they usually were along the lines of “Oh god large dog don’t eat me please)

“Oh, big war doggo with your big fangs and claws! Hell pupper! Good Dog!” He crooned. The hellhound looked as baffled as I probably did for a moment, before walking into my territory. I was (un)gracefully shoved out of the way as the hellhound stuck its huge face right in front of the call view. Locke let out a series of unintelligible noises and pressed his hand against the viewport as if he were trying to reach through and pet the (very dangerous) hellhound. The hellhound nudged the call view and whined. They continued to make noises at each other until I shoved the hellhound out of the way again.

I stared incredulously at Locke. “This is the same hellhound that made you freeze up yesterday!” I growled, trying to mask my lingering confusion over his reaction.

“You chased it off before I could react last time!” Locke replied, craning his head to look around me and at the hellhound. Happiness made his eyes seem to shine, and I was still reeling over the fact that a creature of hell apparently brought joy to this idiot. I resolved to keep our future conversations short; interacting with him too much might cause brain damage.

“I suppose she’s not yours, then? She needs a name. How about Clover? You like that name, don’t you?”

…Where did this guy even come from? It had been a long time since I’d met someone this odd.

“Clover” didn’t seem to mind, however. Her tail wagged so hard it slammed between my shoulder blades, sending me stumbling forward.

“Clover!” Locke scolded. “Stop knocking him over!” He turned to me with a concerned look. “You okay?”

Maybe I need to interact with people more. Maybe human society had changed again, and this behavior was now normal. Whatever the case was, it had been a long time since I had been this confused for this long. Why was he concerned about me, a demon he had met only yesterday? I suppose I usually make deals with people who would literally sell their own children for fortune, but that only begged the question: why would someone so ridiculously good make a deal with a demon?

“I’m fine” I said, waving off his concern. “So nothing of interest happened today?” He shook his head.

“Alright then. Bye.” I cut off the call before he could reply.

Ugh. Just talking to someone so pure left a weird feeling in my stomach.

“…What are you looking at?” Clover, of course, did not respond.

_Day3

I was so bored.

The ceiling of my lair glittered, and I entertained myself by picking out shapes in the lines of shiny minerals. It got old quick, though. I contemplated the fragile existence of life as I stared at a spider in the corner of the ceiling.

Suddenly all of the breath left my chest in a loud ‘whumph’ as Clover’s head plopped onto me.

“The fuck are you doing?” I snarled, trying to shove her off of me. Her head flopped on the ground and I stared into intent purple eyes.

I hazarded a guess as to what she was doing here. “…you want to see Locke, don’t you.” Immediately she leapt to her feet, dancing excited circles around me as I slowly sat up with an irritated groan. Secretly I was relieved for the distraction, but that was irrelevant. I snapped my fingers, and Locke responded to the call almost before the void had finished materialising.

“Hey!” he said cheerfully. Over his shoulder I could see a book that had been hurriedly (albeit carefully) tossed aside in favor of answering the call.

“Your ‘Clover’ was bothering me.”

He turned a mock serious glare to the hellhound. “Is this true, Clover?” In response she placed her head atop mine, which probably wasn’t terribly comfortable. Like most demons, a pair of horns sprouted from my head. She comprised by resting her snout in between them, almost knocking me over for the millionth time. Locke laughed.

The world stopped. I was already aware that Locke seemed ridiculously nice, but that was the purest sound I have ever heard. That might not be saying much, considering my lifestyle, but still. I half expected rainbows to frame him and angels to start singing.

“What are you reading?” I asked, trying to distract myself from the disorientation his laugh had caused. He looked confused for a moment, before glancing down at the book by his side.

“Oh, this? It’s some random romance. Kinda boring, actually.” He held up the book so I could get a good look at the cover. It featured some reeeeeeaaaallly shady looking dude standing uncomfortably close to a pretty blonde.

I narrowed my eyes at it. “Is…Is he supposed to be a demon?”

“Apparently!” Locke laughed at my disgusted expression. “Don’t worry, he’s not nearly as handsome as you are.”

“Gee, thanks.” I said sarcastically. It was a knee-jerk reaction. I wasn’t grotesque, but I was monstrous, and previous experiences with humans weren’t always as civil as the ones I had with Locke. “Who’s the blonde?” I asked.

“She’s the ‘protagonist’” Locke made air quotes when he said protagonist. “She keeps getting shoved onto the sidelines, story-wise. Her background is actually almost interesting, but the love triangle plot is more important, apparently. Guess who the other love interest is.” I checked the title before wincing.

“Heaven and Hell? Wow, how creative. My guess is an angel.”

“Bingo.”

“Why the here are you reading that?”

“I actually kinda like reading and watching terrible things so I can mock them” He said, shrugging. Suddenly a grin appeared on his face. “Have you seen Sharknado?”

“That sounds absolutely terrible.” I said, wrinkling my nose.

“It is! It’s also pretty glorious though. The whole franchise is purposely terrible.”

“Wait…how many of these things are there?”

“I’m not actually sure. Four? I wanna say four.”

My ears picked up a faint humming noise. “What’s that sound?” I asked, peering through the call view to try and locate the source of it. Locke frowned, leaning out of the frame for a moment to snag a cell phone. His frown deepened as he looked at the screen before swiping a finger across it. The noise abruptly stopped.

“Who was that?”

“Someone I’d rather not talk to.”

“Someone who’s worse for conversation than a demon?”

That managed to get him to smile a little, and I felt a flicker of relief that the frown was off of his face.

“Most definitely.” He left it at that.

I carefully steered the conversation away from what was an obviously touchy subject, and we continued to talk for well over an hour.

_Day4

There was a dead deer at the entrance of my lair.

Why.

I asked the question out loud. No answer, of course. Clover’s tail wagged violently and she gently nudged the deer closer. Apparently she pushed it harder than intended, as the deer rolled over, one of its crystalline antlers landing next to my foot. I carefully nudged it away, and some purple blood leaked from the gaping wound in its neck.

“I don’t need this!” I said, running a hand through my hair in exasperation. “I can hunt on my own, thank you very much!”

Before I could figure out what to do with the deer carcass, a call portal spiraled into existence to my right.

“That looks pleasant.” Locke said, staring down at the dead deer.

“Clover has apparently decided to stick around. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“You’re welcome!”

“No one showed up?” He frowned.

“No.”

There were a few moments of awkward silence. I cast my mind about for something to talk about, before my eyes fell on Clover.

“Have you ever heard of a CrossHound?”

_Day5

Locke seemed concerned that no one had shown up yet. I felt relieved, and I don’t know why.

_Day6

Clover and Locke had an entire conversation with each other while I made myself dinner.

I don’t mind the hellhound as much.

_Day7

Last day.

I watched the hands of one of my many pocket watches tick steadily closer to the deadline. It didn’t make any sense; I wouldn’t have been able to make the deal if the soulmate was dead. Locke had called at the appointed time, mildly frantic. We had bother agreed that he would call if the soulmate didn’t show. I changed my mind as the minute hand shifted over the twelve. I inhaled deeply, and then stepped forward.

The movement was accompanied by the usual disorientation teleporting brought. My senses quickly adjusted as I strode towards the kitchen. I passed the hallway mirror that I had conversed with Locke through.

In the kitchen I found Locke nervously making coffee despite the late hour. His eyes widened when he saw me.

“E-Erik? What are you-”

“You have my deepest apologies for this. The contract is now void. I promise you, something like this is incredibly…bizarre…” I trailed off, staring at the digital clock embedded in Locke’s microwave.

11:58

It wasn’t midnight.

Impossible.

“Does this mean what I think it means?” Locke asked uncertainly. I realized that I had froze upon seeing the time, but before I could answer Locke’s question he continued. “I…I don’t mind.”

My head snapped towards him, and he winced. I realized belatedly that I had likely turned it farther than was possible for a human. I turned my body so my neck was at a more natural angle before responding.

“Locke, I’m a demon. I can’t be your soulmate.”

“Why not?” He demanded, and I was a bit startled by the sudden intensity.

“Because-”

“It’s not like demons and humans haven’t gotten together before!”

“Locke, listen-”

“No, you listen. I like you. I like your company. I think you’re clever and funny and a million other things and don’t you fucking dare pull the ‘I’m too dark and mysterious for you’ card. Don’t be like the romance book.” I raised my hands placatingly.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” And I realized with a bit of shock that there were tears in Locke’s eyes.

“Yeah. You’re right. I don’t have a good argument.”

“Okay.” Locke said shakily, and his shoulders shook as he inhaled deeply.

We stood there, neither of us knowing what to do. Locke’s voice was the first to break the silence, and he had calmed enough that it didn’t tremble.

“Do you want to watch Sharknado?” I nodded uncertainly.

“Sure. Unless you want me to grab Clover first?” Locke laughed, and I couldn’t help but walk closer to him. My hand came up to cup his face, and we stared at each other for a moment before we both near-simultaneously leaning in towards each other. My lips met his, and we kissed. We broke apart a few moments later, and I stared into his eyes. He grinned.

“Guess you got my soul anyway, huh?”

I smiled back. “I guess so.”

#locke #erik #clover #demons #gay #clover is the best doggo #hellhound #my writing #original writing #hey look its a story about someone other than neonyx #still about demons tho #i did not edit this at all

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