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audhd-nightwing · 2 years

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okay i cannot shut up about them

steve being the one average intelligence friend among fucking geniuses (most of which are like fucking 13 year olds / all of which are younger than him) must be so damaging to his self esteem

because he’s only surrounded by child prodigies, a literal genius that’s fluent in several languages, and (probably the valedictorian if she wanted to be) a badass genius journalist, he has no example of what average intelligence is and just assumes he is stupid

which is not helped by the fact that everyone looks down on him/calls him an idiot/expects him to know everything!! so they just enforce this belief that he’s stupid and less than just because he’s not as intelligent as the rest of them

and then along comes eddie munson who failed senior year twice, yet is an amazing storyteller and genius DM, who knows about all these cool things and guess what? dustin looks up to him!

and steve knows dustin isn’t replacing him but dustin thinking he was cool was one of the only things holding his facade together

and then robin is only thinking about vickie and of course steve wants to help and he listens and gives advice, but robin was the only one who was around, who hung out with him, who listened

and max is isolating herself, and lucas has basketball and hellfire, and he doesn’t think nancy would ever want to be friends, so it’s. just him.

and then

and THEN

steve is walking through the upside down with eddie munson, and eddie references something he doesn’t get, and steve expresses his confusion and is prepared to be made fun of- but eddie just. tells him? explains it to him?

and it catches him off guard because no one has done that before, even as King Steve carol would roll her eyes and tommy would laugh whenever he asked them something. whenever he asked questions in class (which was rarely) the teachers told him he should’ve been paying attention but he was- he just didn’t get it

so steve tests it again later on and the same thing happens- even in front of the others, when steve asks a question eddie just tells him without poking fun and it’s… it’s really nice actually

once vecna is defeated and everyone survives (bc fuck you) steve continues to badger eddie with questions, looks to him whenever he doesn’t understand what’s going on and eddie will immediately explain it in a way he can understand

a while after they become good friends, steve just has to ask.

“does it get annoying?”

“…does what get annoying?”

“me asking you about stuff all the time”

but eddie just smiles at him, tells him how he actually loves that steve asks because it means he’s engaged and interested, when eddie is used to people getting bored of his rants/tirades

he tells steve that he loves explaining things to him, loves that he listens and pays attention and steve realizes oh, we’re kind of perfect for each other aren’t we?

he thinks he’s okay with that. especially if eddie keeps smiling at him and telling him about anything and everything he wants to

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #insecurity #dustin henderson #robin buckley #steveddie #steddie fluff #steve harrington whump #fluff and angst #forever pushing my autistic steve agenda so #autistic steve harrington #also #audhd eddie munson #cry about it

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sannylity · 1 year

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Listen. We need to put emphasis and appreciate Charlie’s characterization of his QSMP character because holy shit, on top of being silly, today has provided so much depth to Q!Charlie as a whole.

It’s heart wrenching outside humor when you think about it.

“Your marriage is not strengthened by good nights, or good sex, it is tested by people like me, who come to cause problems.”

This dialogue to Roier puts Mariana’s cheating allegations into perspective. Whether it’s canon that he did or didn’t, it tells us how much Charlie has forgiven and given him a chance.

People like me, is such a heavy emphasis on his self-awareness that he is toxic and problematic and insanity. Subtle self-deprecating at its finest, just to emotionally scar us further.

Charlie always being a willing participant to cause problems on purpose is an effect of not having anything to lose anymore. Juanaflippa is gone, and he hasn’t seen Mariana in a while. He has been severely lonely and isolated since his exile, and he is numb to it that he “doesn’t feel anything”, according to what he told Foolish.

“Necesito amor.” [I need love.]

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need or want love. He desperately does, by all means necessary, even if it’s by being a willing participant to cause problems to others. He’ll take what he can get because he hasn’t moved on and won’t let go of his daughter being gone.

He did once believe that Mariana could fix him, I think he said this to Jaiden after the trial was over and done with. He believed this because Mariana is someone who can ground him and keep him from doing something incredibly stupid.

They ground each other. It’s evident during the funeral, with Mariana offering that they kill themselves and Charlie saying no, and then vice versa. It’s not a coincidence that he is more “tamed” when Mariana’s with him.

Things that happen when Charlie is by himself: makes a deal with Satan to get his daughter a gun, attempting to slaughter all the eggs, refuses to resurface back up in the mines during exile, suggesting the gegg idea to Quackity and executing it, and now this.

Without Mariana, Charlie is out there by himself, not knowing how to deal and handle his grief, his loneliness and isolation, his desperation for love.

—

And to think none of this would’ve happened if Cellbit just kept his fucking mouth shut and didn’t remind him of their kiss LMAOOO

We can all say Charlie is being a menace, but y’all gotta be reminded that the man is a D&D player. He sprinkles such hard hitting dialogues in between the laughs.

Charlie is killing me with the potential angst he just brought to the table. I am going insane NSJDJSJDJS

#slimeriana #slimecicle #el mariana #qsmp #qsmp mariana #qsmp slimecicle #qsmp shipping

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vaguely-concerned · 25 days

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another really interesting thing in our man bashir to me is that I think this is the point where garak finally mostly relinquishes his self-appointed role as bashir's teacher. he seems to have taken it upon himself early on, for inscrutable but probably partially horny, partially cultivating a promising (and lovely) contact reasons of his own, to imbue julian bashir with some spysmarts and basic bastard thinking literacy skills, in the hopes that he won't go get his bright beautiful excitable ass killed at the first opportunity. there's a lot of mentor/protege undertone there in the early years. (if you want to get into asit stuff, very much in the same vein as palandine and garak's relationship in the beginning.)

but in omb garak really only has one of his little lectures, and it's basically about The thing about being a spy (and a person) that has most shaped his life: That's something else you've yet to learn, Doctor. A real intelligence agent has no ego, no conscience, no remorse. Only a sense of professionalism. There is no joy, no magic, no real delight to this, no winning, no recognition, and most importantly no connection; the reward for work well done is only ever the work itself. You don’t kiss the girl, get the key — you simply get on with turning yourself into nothing as best you can. and julian, who had just been trying to momentarily imagine a world where secrets can be cool and glamorous and for good, meaningful reasons that empower him to help the world rather than shameful and isolating and alienating and like a damocles sword hanging over him and everything he cares about, shoots back with 'well, but what if not that, though? that's the whole point of this game! this is my story not yours, trust me to know it better than you do. (I have more things to teach you too, if you’d just listen. And once he gets shot a little bit, garak does listen.)'

(somewhere beneath all this is almost exactly the same debate they will have explicitly later on -- "Sentiment is the greatest weakness of all"/"If that's true, that's one lesson I never want to learn". Something something the freedom to imagine and play around with different worlds in your head, no matter how cringefail james bond LARP nonsense that world is as long as it brings you hope and joy and new perspectives, kill the part of you that cringes etc. Garak you're allowed to get out of the closet in your head now, Tain is gone, you can imagine different things than what has been and no one will turn it against you. Im… sad)

through most of this episode garak is observing, and when he's not simply bitching about everything from the sidelines (<3), he's tentatively trying to throw in comments to play along, to figure out how the flow goes like he's learning a different language, and he's BAD at it hahaha. he barged in there to put himself in a position to learn something about julian bashir's ~*hidden inner psyche*~, but UH-OH spiritual uno reverse card time he's having to face some shit about his own psyche and the immense barrenness it's been forced to operate under for so long.

The learning between them has of course always been two-way (that’s partially what the whole relationship is built on), but in giving up the more ‘formal’ role — mask — of teacher, garak is also opening up space for realer emotional intimacy, letting one layer of artificiality fall and allowing more realness to shine through. even so he doesn’t let go of control completely until he’s faced with irrefutable (horny) proof that julian’s sentiments and ideals are backed by real conviction — julian knows (possibly better than garak does) what is a game, and what is real, and where he draws the line between frivolous and deeply necessary is different from where garak would and by the end of the ep I think garak trusts julian more, enough to leave the story in julian’s hands without trying to steer or form him even indirectly/sneakily. And to top it all off, the way julian uses his last dramatic speech to signal that he did also listen to what garak told him… augh.

the teacher role, along with the lies (ever his swiss army knife god bless), has helped garak keep a sort of fine-tuned control of the level of emotional intimacy possible between them, stay in control of what narratives are even on the table. and I think finally letting that fade more into the background transforms their relationship in ways that can pay off big time down the line, for all that it leaves things a bit strange and tentative in the meantime. by garak standards he’s being positively transparent in this episode. for the first time he talks about his time in the order without any coy prevarication, he states his hunger for knowing julian better right down to his ~*hidden inner psyche*~ almost pathetically openly (<3<3<3<3). And this is just my headcanon and definitely not what was meant at the time of airing, the unplanned nature of the augment reveal being what it is, but in context of the whole show as it became it feels a lot like garak offering some of his own authenticity to signal that julian could trust him with his. It feels like garak has figured out at least the rough outlines of what julian has uh got going on and tried to make this gambit, having… perhaps underestimated the extent of the defenses julian has internally/psychologically against Being Known, quite aside from the practical real world consequences of his secret getting out. Anyway. Lots in this episode. Many thoughts.

#the our man bashir post that was promised #garashir #star trek #star trek ds9 #ds9 #elim garak #julian bashir #does this make any sense. perhaps not. but at least it's out of my head lol #ds9 meta #long post

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y-rhywbeth2 · 4 months

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Still poking around the dialogue and have discovered that Dalyria has indeed chosen that coping mechanism of living far, far away in delulu land, pretending that they're a genuine found family rather than a bunch of kidnapped abuse victims trapped together in a torture chamber like rats:

Dalyria, to Astarion: "I can't believe you'd turn on us - on your own family." - Astarion: "Listen to me, damn it! I'm trying to save you, even if you're too stupid to see it" Roll (Charisma, Persuasion) vs 18 Dalyria: "You... you really think the master would kill us?"

Yes??

Petras also gets in on it:

Pale Petras: "The master has always been... strict. But we're better for it."

...hmmm. If you say so.

And then there's this:

Pale Petras: "You believe this? You believe that most self-centred, arrogant, egotistical one of us all is here to save the day?" Pale Petras: "When has Astarion ever done anything that isn't in his own self-interest?" Astarion: "I admit, I wasn't the best brother to you, so let me make it up to you. Let me save you." Pale Petras: "No, you were a piece of shit. And you're still a piece of shit. Let's go. We don't need to listen to this."

I do believe that the conflict between Astarion and the other spawn wasn't one-sided and the other spawn probably aren't innocent victims of the antagonism (Petras in particular is an ass) but... Astarion, what did you do to piss Petras off so badly? That sounds personal.

It could very well be "what did Cazador make it seem like you did to isolate you" but to be honest it could very well be a mixture of the two. I can imagine that the other spawn would be forced to share in Astarion's punishments, at least sometimes, even when they weren't part of his behaviour. Seems like a good way to make them turn on him whenever he defied Cazador. I can also easily imagine Astarion lashing out at the other spawn, if he got the opportunity.

#Astarion - the designated safety valve/punching bag I guess #babbling #/astarion #edgelord hours

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idcbabyialreadylostmymind · 1 year

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L'appel du Vide pt.3

Pairing- Sully! family x Sully!reader

Summary- Someone from your family finally listens to you.

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3

Warnings- attemptish suicide, talk of self harm, crying I think that's it if there more lmk

It had been officially two weeks since that night. You've isolated yourself, from everyone and everything. Jake and Neytiri were beside themselves; they didn't know what to do. And your missing presence certainly hasn't gone unnoticed by your siblings, especially by your little brother Lo'ak. He was your partner in crime, your best friend. He noticed the way Jake and Neytiri would look over to your part of the mauri, like they knew something that they didn't, and he hated it, you told him everything, absolutely everything or at least he thought.

So here he is looking at your room curtain draped and an uneaten plate of your favorite food sitting in front of it. He looked over to his parents as if they were having a conversation with their eyes, he knew it was about you, but why? He was fed up with it. First his sister doesn't come out of her room, doesn't talk, barely eats, doesn't do anything anymore after an argument with your parents. Now that dinner was over Jake and Neytiri sent the kids off to bed but Lo'ak stayed and he would have his questions answered. "What should we do? She's been in her room for two weeks-" Jake's quiet whisper was cut off by his youngest son.

"What did you guys do to her?" Lo'ak uttered, scaring his parents a little. "Lo'ak what are you doing? Go to bed." Jake said, rubbing his tired eyes. "Not until you tell me what you did, what did you say?" He asked again. "What are you talking about?" Neytiri asked. "Y/N what did you say to her? I haven't seen her ever since you two argued with her so what did you do?" He asked for a third time, getting quickly irritated with his parents' lack of answers for him. Jake huffed, "We didn't do anything-" cut off for a second time. "She won't come out of her room, she doesn't do anything with anyone anymore so you must have done something." He said quite loudly. "Lo'ak there are some things about your sister that you wouldn't understand." Jake said quiet voice not to wake anyone up and this only deepened his confusion.

"Like what?" He asked and Jake gave a look to Neytiri and she only nodded. "Y/N she has- has some problems-" Lo'ak cut him off once again. "What problems?" He asked and Jake took a deep breath. "If you let me finish." He said and his son only shook his head up and down slowly. "She has problems with herself, she," he took a deep breath before saying what he was fixing to say. "She harms herself, you know all those scars on her body she did that because of these problems." Jake said and Lo'aks face fell. He swallowed the build of spit in his mouth before running his hands over his face.

"Okay so what do we do?" Lo'ak asked his parents who looked taken back. Lo'ak wanted to help his sister, the girl he's looked up to since you were children. "We don't know what to do." Jake confessed. "Okay we'll find something to help her." Lo'ak said before standing up and walking to his room. His parents just stood there stuck not knowing what to do.

As for you, you stood up from your cot, the cot that you hadn't left for the past two weeks, it called your name as you got up from it. All you wanted to do was sink into the bed and never get up. But you couldn't for your parents sake, and for your siblings sake. You open the curtain that acts like a window and carefully slips out from it. You thought you went unnoticed but you didn't, from his room Lo'ak saw you, as you ran to the beach and the moonlight hit your skin it used to help but now you still only felt despair.

He watched as you climbed into your ikran that was still awake, curious and a little worried he followed you carefully not making any sound.

He repeated the steps he saw you do, he climbed onto his ikran and followed you many meters behind you to make sure you didn't know he was there. It was a long trip where you stopped in the middle of the ocean where a tall boulder stood from the ocean. 'Go to the top' you instructed Amhel. She went to the top, you disconnected your queue and sent her on her way, you wouldn't need her.

Lo'ak watched from afar as you looked at the deep water from top of the boulder he watched and looked at you, you didn't look like you. He watched your steps get closer, you were on the edge, he couldn't watch anymore.

He landed quickly next to you and your eyes widened as you saw your little brother. You shake your head. Tears swelled in his eyes as he realized what you were fixing to do. "Do you wanna kill yourself?" He asked and your face expression broke, no one has asked you that before, you've never thought you'd have to tell anyone this.

"Don't do it." He spoke and the tears he tried so hard to keep in his eyes fell. "Please." His voice broke as he uttered the word and you realized he needed you, you would have left him alone.

You stepped back and walked over to him bringing him to a tight hold, "It's okay I won't leave you alone, I'm gonna be right here forever." You say to him and a little bit to yourself. He sniffled in your arms, wiping his tears and pulling you into a tighter hug.

After a while you sat down on the rock, it was time to actually talk to someone. And you noticed he didn't look at you differently, he only saw his sister and his sister needed help. "So why do you do it?" He asked, pointing to the scars. You didn't feel offended in the slightest you would have the same question if you were in his position. You took a deep breath.

"Sometimes I get this feeling like I'm dead and I'm just leaving someone else's life and the voices god the voices just don't such up and seeing the blood, feeling the pain makes me feel alive." You explained and he shook his head. He didn't completely understand but he would try. "And doing all those dangerous things, like cliff diving, getting into all those fights helped with that feeling too, but it wasn't enough." You explained as you held your knees to your chest. He put his hand on your knee, "Well find something, something that makes you feel alive that doesn't involve you getting hurt or hurting yourself." He said and you shook your head side to side.

"But what if I slip up I get these urges and sometimes I need to do it-" you cried out but Lo'ak shook his head. "We all slip up on stuff we aren't supposed to do, you're a person Y/N it will be okay." And those last four words he said made you smile, he was the only one right this time it would be okay now.

He helped you stand up and onto his ikran seeing as Amhel was already probably at the village.

You flew back and peace washed over you and your mind as you rode in the wind.

You hoped off first and helped him off and Jake and Neytiri were on the beach looking for what you suspect was you and him. You walked to them Lo'ak quickly behind them. "Y/N." Jake sighed. "Where were you?" Neytiri asked. It was clear she had been crying. You wiped her face and gave her a kiss on the cheek, "It's going to be okay mama." You say giving her a hug before walking to your room.

Your parents looked at Lo'ak who had a happy smile on his lips. "How did you do?" Jake asked. "I talked to her." He replied before walking to his room leaving his parents to go to his room.

No one knows what was said between you and Lo'ak, but it was clear you were happier and even if the thoughts haven't cleared you felt better. Although you and Lo'ak haven't found something yet, you felt alive.

Tags- @ellabellabus07 @isnt-itstrange @1ntefly @neteyamforlife @abbersreads @ssc7514 @spicycloudsalad @liyahsocorro @arminsfloll @zuniaaaaa @r3dc4ndy @glaciuswduo @iikatsukii @perilous-pasta @nyotamalfoy

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thetreefairy · 11 months

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A sickly endeavor

warnings: isolation, muzan using the upper demons to keep you trapped, forced medicine intake, talks about punishments, muzan using reader's mental state against them, reader is genderfluid but in this fic she/her pronouns are used. [yes this is kinda a self-insert]

tip me

Reader hated this, Reader hated being treated like someone that could die instantly. She can, yes, but she knew that her self-proclaimed dad would turn her into a demon right away.

The question is why hasn't he yet?

Does he like seeing her suffer, does he like knowing that Reader has to depend on him?

Perhaps.

Reader hopes its the first time, because the second one would freak her out.

"Come on, you need to take your medication." Douma snapped, losing his patience, which was rather out of character for him. "Awhhh, am I finally getting to you?" Reader joked with a grin, oh how she loved annoying Douma. Douma sighed: "You shouldn't neglect your health as a way to spite your dad-"

"Not my dad."

'As I was saying, spite him in different ways." Douma sighed. "How? By getting a s/o?" Reader hissed. She was done with this, she wanted to go out and move around while she still can. "Or sneaking out."

Reader looked at him shocked. "You should really watch your mouth, Douma." Douma chuckled. "Awh, are you concerned? You're finally healthy enough to move around. If Muzan wants your love he should at least listen to you."

Reader chuckled. "While I agree with you, I will never love him."

"Douma, must I even forbid you from speaking to my daughter? Are you so pathetic that you cannot even get them to take their medicine?" Muzan's voice interrupted them. Reader groaned; "Don't you dare forbid Douma from speaking to me, he's too fun while you are not."

Douma chuckled nervously at this statement, he was acting rather out of character. But reader paid no attention to it, she wanted to annoy Muzan enough so that she didn't have to take her meds.

"Douma get out." Muzan hissed, causing Reader to whine and cling to Douma. "Nooo."

Muzan took Reader from Douma as he left. "You truly are a child." Muzan mumbled as he grabbed some pills. "Hey! I am a teenager, at least get it right when you want to insult me."

"My point isn't to insult you, but to remind you that you need me." This caused Reader to roll her eyes. "As you cannot even take your medication yourself."

"Oh I can, I just don't out of spite."

"Which proves my point." Muzan hissed. "Perhaps isolation would do you well no one speaking to you. Or being immobilized, needing help to even go to the bathroom."

Reader's eyes widened, she didn't want one of his so called punishments. "Maybe even both." He hissed as he forced Reader to take her pills.

Reader swallowed them afraid of the consequences. "Or should I take you to the nearest town, and show you what will happen to everyone if you run away." Muzan continues happily, knowing how much Reader loved that town.

"Why do you keep me sick?" She blurted out, afraid of what will happen. Muzan chuckled: "Why, are you saying that your father is keeping you ill? Are those voices telling you lies again?"

Reader is threading on a thin line, she knows it. But she asks again, causing Muzan's face to harden.

"Because how else will i keep you here, so weak and pathetic."

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cooki3face · 4 months

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what’s going on in your friendships

message: friendships and close personal relationships have been a significant thing in my life as of late. I have the tendency to self-isolate in order to remain untriggered because I can't control my environment the way I wish I could when other energies are involved. I've never been super outgoing or social, I enjoy conversation but on my own terms and I'm highly selective about the company I keep and how I choose to share my energy with the world. But, you have to be a whole other level of healed in order to remain energetically grounded where your circumstances or environment are eating away at you. When I have close personal relationships they consume me because I am always so heavily devoted or emotionally involved and so they have the capacity to disarm me or put me in hard places when things go wrong or when something is triggering. I've decided to do this reading in order to give the collective insight on what's going on in their friendships and hopefully give some guidance on what needs to be improved or worked on. Enjoy.

There's an energy here about either you or people you were friends with or are friends with carrying the energy of past resentment. In your energy there's an energy of friendship(s) being a touchy subject or something that you've separated yourself from entirely due to bad situations or experiences. In other energies outside of yours, there could be someone or even a few people who hold ill energy towards you or have negative perceptions of you based on a falling out or you outgrowing them. There's energy of betrayal or someone revealing themselves to you or double-crossing you and you having to turn inwards or go into hermit mode in order to recover and swearing off friendships or become more opposed or narrowing your scope for what is acceptable in your friendships. Someone had high expectations already but they're even higher now. I'm listening to the song "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse. She says in the song, "I've died 100 times." someone has been burned a lot or has a very extensive painful history in close relationships both platonic and romantic that require trust and respect to be equal and held at high regard.

Someone had a friend who was troubled or had a tendency to mess things up for themselves or be deceptive or throw stones and hide their hands I'm hearing. Pile one you may have developed a thing for the underdog or in the past had a subconscious pull to people who had heavy trauma-filled backgrounds or carried with them a lot of karmic energy or karmic behaviors and cycles. This may have been a theme for the vast majority of your close personal relationships for the past couple of years. You constantly ran into people who didn't value themselves and therefore didn't know your value and people who would always have an internal tendency to not know what they'd lost until you'd walked away from them. You may have had to make a difficult decision here that resulted in you letting go of several friends and/ or lovers or significant people in your life that you carried on your back for the past couple of years. You learn lessons primarily through people and relationships and you eventually outgrew or broke out of karmic cycles and behaviors and you had to decide whether or not you wanted a new beginning or not.

You may currently feel a lot of grief or be in the process of mourning past versions of yourself or past versions of your life and the people who were in it although you're done with them now. There's healing that needs to be addressed regarding betrayal and heartbreak regarding your friendships and relationships. Right now you are in a state of recovery here, I'm seeing imagery of someone in a deep sleep or in a comatose like state like sleeping beauty or something, the body has the ability to heal or recover faster through sleep, you may feel somewhat unresponsive towards people coming towards you seeking friendships or companionship.

You're deciding what it is you want in a friendship and doing what you can possible to come into alignment with what that looks like, you've essentially had to start from scratch or build your life and yourself up again from the ground up. You have nothing left from the life you used to live. You've had to and are in the process of manifesting everything that you desire. You are no longer in a state of your life or on the chronological divine timeline where you are having to live with the cards you are dealt and make the best of it or learn the right lessons for what you are given. You have essentially aged out of and graduated out of the divine's guardianship over you as a spiritual minor. Now it's your choice what it is you get to have, what you get to make, what you wanna see, what you wanna put up with, and with whom.

II.

You could feel called to power through and carry on even though you could be experiencing or have experienced significant hardship in your friendships. You may have a tendency to suppress your emotions regarding loss or you have remained in survival mode for years at a time so much so you may be someone who is always in autopilot or doesn't stop too often to process loss in full even if you're a heavily emotionally driven individual who needs time for recovery and needs time to heal so that you can thrive. I just heard someone's a water sign but operates like an earth sign to keep up appearances or maintain a hard exterior or escape the symptoms that come with heartbreak or grief. like if you can imagine the spectral difference between Cancer and Capricorn as a moon sign placement. You may carry a mindset that the entire world has always been against you or that you're not a particularly popular individual wherever it is you reside.

People may make up stories about you, spread rumors, some people fear you heavily while on the other side of the spectrum others may believe you're a coward or deserve to be mistreated or beat down as much as possible. People don't know who you are or know your heart due to some circumstances that were outside of your control and some that were. By the time you'd established or came to terms with the fact that you wanted to be around others, felt isolated, or felt scared and mistreated it was too late because people already had such large negative perspectives and opinions about you. I just heard "you think I want to be like this?" someone has been alienated or is treated like an abomination or as though they are unacceptable. You may also find you have a hard time networking or accessing opportunities you feel you'd have rights to if not for your reputation, not even just work opportunities, social ones as well, people don't want to be around you or people have a tendency to reject you or you feel you aren't able to reach people you love fully due to a lack of self worth or a skewed perception of yourself.

You've lost hope of profound connection within your friendships (you could've had a close friend before that you held onto past a healthy point or even throughout their betrayal or mistreatment of you due to the fact that you felt like if you released them you'd face eternal loneliness. I'm hearing this person could've exploited you for your resources or used you or subjected you to some sort of abuse repeatedly and you didn't/couldn't hold them accountable only the two of you know about this or people know but it's not a well spread secret. I'm hearing this person could've also potentially r*ped, s*xually assaulted you or used you to experiment or fill the void of their own loneliness and desperation.) You could've also potentially lost a romantic connection or loss hope in prospect of love as well or you may have convinced yourself you'll end up unmarried or in short term surface level relationships for the rest of your life.

You could have this large tendency to be so resistant of change whether it's for the best or not or whether it's gonna be in your best interest or not and this has worked against you. You have wounds that have been left open and are gaping because you refuse to stop and get help or allow yourself to heal and recover. You have things that need to be said that won't ever be at your own hand. You won't allow yourself to have anything because other people decided you shouldn't have anything. You could be so happy and so free of spiritual and emotional burden if you would just allow yourself to heal and do the inner work. Return to any avenues and paths you've left unpaved or any loose ends you've left untied and clean up things in order to free yourself. You may have to come to terms with the fact that not everything can be mended, reconciled, or redelivered back to you in the way you want or within the time frame you desire though pile two. You aren't the only person on the planet contrary to your beliefs, the people who were on it with you who you shared your energy with or who you shared your energy with have their own reservations, their own stories or versions of what happened whether they are truthful or not.

III.

You have an unnatural allegiance to losers and it's unlike you. You may have a tendency to make friends or make connections out of necessity or out of fear of loneliness. You are what you attract, you may have a tendency to constantly fall back into karmic cycles or run around in circles in terms of life lessons. you're someone who takes a long time to learn things you need to learn. You could be an air sign or a water sign. You have the tendency to take a lot of short cuts or do things to try and make yourself have an easier time assimilating or blending in after years of rejection from personal places or have people and places that large significance in your life or things you spent a lot of time around, peers at school, parents, siblings, family. You can also have a tendency to be impressionable you might have picked up a lot of nasty habits or behavioral patterns or karmic ties due to the type of people you choose to be around and attract. There's something here about your spirit being young or you being someone who has a tendency to act out or has a difficult time making their own decisions including responsible ones or doing what's best for you when it needs to be done.

You have a parent or parents who play a huge role in the way you process situations and carry yourself in general. You weren't taught or raised up to be an adult or aren't/weren't offered the proper tools to build a sense of self that was adequate for someone who needed to navigate in this world. I just heard the words "hurt people hurt people" you may have the tendency to self destruct and in turn be destructive to others. You carry with you either a lot of guilt or on the far end of the spectrum a large lack of accountability and willing ignorance about the part you played in conflicts or how your actions may have effected someone or a situation. You're constantly feeling very stagnant, burnt out, drained or low on energy and a lot of this is reflective of some of your choices, your choices in company, your behavioral patterns, karmic cycles and even potentially addictions if you've picked up any vices that you should've stayed far away from.

You may be in a place in your relationships where you're at a crossroads about if you should trust your intuition and the divines organization of change and chaos and move forward or do the right thing and allow yourself to fully outgrow and separate from people, things, places, etc. you've carried with you or collected along the way for fear of loss. Behaviors and karmic cycles and habits as well. I say relationships instead of just friendships because you have a tendency to make bad decisions in both your romantic and platonic relationships and connections and your karma is coming at you from both ends. There's fear here though regarding letting go. The deeper issue or root cause of this need to collect things comes from fear of abandonment, being disliked or perceived negatively or not being able to control the feeling you may feel about not having anyone to fall back onto/into.

You could've lost a friend or a person of value that you pushed away or that woke up to something or had some sort of truth revealed to them about you and actions you may have had a habit of committing to behind their back in regards to them. This person won't reconcile with you or you know that anyone of value that you lost along the way or anyone who may bring you solace has walked away. But, spirit has set your revelation or your healing process or tower moment up this way for you so that you have the chance to fully and wholeheartedly see what is going on or what needs to be done. I just heard "you're so far removed from source." The only way out is through and there might be a lot of grief that you may have to receive or make your way through before you can come out the other end changed and in alignment with what needs to be done or what's in store for you. You need to heal or come back into alignment. I'm getting imagery of someone detoxing or withdrawal from drugs or alcohol. this could be something you may have to actually experience or a figurative representation of what the process of healing and recuperation may look like for you because there is a lot that needs to be purged.

But, after all of this, if you do the inner work, there is promised stability and alignment for you.

channeled song for this reading:

#self love #self care #self improvement #self discovery #dream girl #self expression #healingjourney #self healing #manifestation #divine feminine #divine masculine #what’s going in your friendships #messages from spirit #pac #pick a card reading #pick a pile reading #tarot #tarot card readings

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lavandulawrites · 4 months

Note

Hiii! Can I get E, H, T, and W for Poe? Thank youuu 💕

Yandere Alphabet E, H, T and W with Poe

Poe really does something to me<3 (Yandere alphabet request here)

Masterlist

Warnings: Sedation

Word count: 561

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

It takes time before Poe musters up courage to tell you how much he loves you. He is quite self aware so he knows very well that his emotions towards you are unhealthy, but he doesn’t really care. Love is the greatest gift of them all. After a while when you both have gotten to know each other’s better, he takes your hands in his slender ones and proclaims his ever dying love. It is in fact quite romantic, (the man has always had an amazing way with his words) but his lovesick expression pulling you back to earth. It doesn’t take long for him to abduct you after his confession. He is quite vulnerable believing it is important to not hide one’s feelings in a relationship. He of course doesn’t tell you anything you could use against him, he is no near stupid after all.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Your worst experience with Poe is the day when he kidnapped you. He had invited you out to an outdoor café in a lovely park. He had reserved a remote table which were decorated with beautiful flowers. With a gentle smile he had handed you his latest novel which he said was a love story. You had taken the book with a blushing smile and opened the book. A warm yellow light had enveloped you and sucked you inside a fairy tail. When you opened your eyes you were meet with a bedroom who rivalled those of royalty. He had kept you inside the romance novel for two weeks, letting you out when he deemed you ready. Much to your disliking you were over the moon when seeing him. The two weeks of isolation had really done a number on you.

Tears: How would they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry and/or isolate themselves?

He would be utterly devastated. He only wanted to protect you. Why couldn’t you see that? He would try his best to comfort you. He would bring Karl into your bedroom in hope of calming you down. He would write you beautiful love poems and buy you the most lavish gifts you could imagine. If you isolated yourself, he would give you some space not wanting to upsetting you any further. He always did manage to calm you down in the end.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Poe would never hurt you physically. He might however emotionally manipulate you. He did after all isolate you for two weeks when he first kidnapped you and he wouldn’t shy away from repeating that if it came down to it. Your comfort was important to him, but he would never allow you to leave him. The one time where you did manage to slip past his condiment and out to his grand garden, he had injected you with a sedative the moment you tried to open the locked gates. He had predicted you would try to escape that night, but he would give you a chance to prove him wrong. He was beyond disappointed with your actions and rendered you nearly immobile with sedatives. Next time he would listen to his deduction skills instead of his emotions.

#yandere alphabet #yandere #yandere bungo stray dogs x reader #yandere bungo stray dogs #yandere bsd #yandere x reader #yandere poe #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #poe x reader #bungo stray dogs poe #bungo stray dogs #edgar allan poe #x reader

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p8rasite · 1 year

Text

FINE. › SUNG HANBIN ݃ 0612

synopsis.. where hanbin says it too often, he starts to believe he is.. until he isn’t.

muses.. roommate! hanbin x gn! reader

pantone.. angst & comfort ft. and they were roommates

cw + tap the mic.. self-doubt, reader kinda dislikes hanbin & mention of drinks + first zb1 writing let’s gaur! this was a mix of request & word vomit so i hope this is good enough 🥺 also new layout : @/stealanity & @/chiyuv

“no one’s here, come again in four to seven business weeks.”

you bite the inside of your cheek. as clear as it is that hanbin doesn’t want to entertain anyone at the moment, you refuse to let him be. not when he’s isolating himself within those four walls. not when you can just tug that handle and let yourself in.

so you do.

the abrupt bang of the door against the wall was slightly.. over the top, but at least it got his attention. well, more like his frown, but you can be bothered about the details some other time.

“what are you doing in here?” he mumbles, voice lacking its usual coat of vibrancy. this time, it’s soft and fragile, just like its owner.

you shrug your shoulders. “the kitchen told me you haven’t visited it in a few days so i’m checking in on you on their behalf.”

he chuckles, but even that sounds so hollow. another sign that he isn’t your roommate, but a shell of him. and as much as you hate to admit it, you’re even more a tad bit worried.

“may i?” you gesture to the space next to him, shortly receiving a nod. sitting on the floor—legs stretched out and back slouched against the wall—isn’t ideal, especially not when there’s a queen sized bed just a few steps away. although, given why you’re here in the first place, you suppose you could refrain from complaining this time.

(singular—you’re already stressing that before your friends can make assumptions.)

the two of you let silence wrap around you like a blanket, one neither of you seem eager to remove. you excuse your awkwardness by claiming you want to take in your new surroundings before moving further. to which, in fairness, makes sense because this is your first time in his room.

weird, isn’t it? living in a place where you’re familiar with everything but your roommate and his space. there were times where he left his door ajar enough for you to catch glimpses inside, but nothing could have prepared you to see it in its entirety.

so tidy, so cozy, so.. hanbin.

the young man in question fidgets with his sweater’s sleeve, a loose thread in particular. a translucent pane of absentmindedness hovers over his cocoa-tinted irises as he twists the material between his lithe fingers.

“i don’t know what’s missing,” hanbin gauges your reaction (seemingly blank, actually surprised) before continuing. “i gave everything i had to them, constantly tried to do and be my best self to make up for the things i lack, yet they still left.”

you nervously rub your palms upon your thighs, unsure where to pick up after such a heavy confession. there’s also that guilt that chews on your soul as you come to realize that this little mister perfect persona of his isn’t just for attracting people.

it’s supposed to convince those he loves to stay.

with this newfound understanding, you finally speak up, “them leaving isn’t on you.”

his brows furrow, lips slightly parting to reject your words but you lift your hand to cover his mouth. probably not the best idea, ‘specially not when he can just make muffled sounds through the makeshift gag, but it’ll have to do. all you need is for him to listen to you, no interruptions allowed.

“you gave almost all of yourself to them, which isn’t wrong—almost every person who’s been in love has done that. but that isn’t enough to make the relationship work because there’s two of you. now, either it’s a responsibility that they can’t or don’t want to face, which is why they broke up with you.

whichever it is, the fault still lies with them. and that, binnie, is why you shouldn’t be beating yourself up on this. yes, it’s okay to grieve what has been lost. but at the end of the day, you should acknowledge and accept that it isn’t your fault.”

you’re completely winded by the end of your speech, you don’t realize your hand had pulled away halfway through it. but then you notice the upward curve of his lips, and your eyes instinctively narrow at the suspicious sight.

“did i say something funny?”

he shakes his head and points out, “you called me binnie.”

..damn. you were so caught up in your rant that you hadn’t noticed your mistake. with a light hit at his shoulder, you grumble, “don’t read too deep into it, i just heard one of your friends constantly call you that so it slipped.”

“are you sure~?”

“yes.”

“very sure~?”

“..‘right, that’s the end of our therapy session. i expect you to pay me with a cup of karak tea later.” a groan emerges from the deepest part of your tired soul as you get back on your feet, backside sore from maintaining the same position for at least 10 minutes.

right as you’re on your way out, hanbin calls your name. intrigued confused as to what else he’d need, you take the chance and turn around. those busy fingers you noticed earlier? now they’re put together to make a unique heart gesture.

“thank you for keeping me company and opening my eyes to the bigger picture.” the warmth and cheeriness hasn’t been fully restored yet, but you can hear a sliver. and regardless of whether you admit it or not, you feel proud of yourself for assisting in bringing it back.

“no need to thank me, matters like this are why roommates were made.”

(uh huh, sure..)

❀ ... ⃕ not sure if i’ll make a taglist but feel free to donate to my kofi ! now, would you like to return to the masterlist? yes / no.

#zb1 #zerobaseone #zb1 x reader #zerobaseone scenarios #zerobaseone imagines #sung hanbin #zb1 imagines #zb1 scenarios #hanbin imagines #hanbin scenarios #sung hanbin imagines #sung hanbin scenarios #zerobaseone x reader #hanbin x reader #sung hanbin x reader

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c-53 · 8 months

Text

God . I bet everyone who listened to the ep before me has said it already, but I genuinely think the car keys bit in the newest episode is like the best subtle horror thing malevolent has ever done.

John sorta serves the role of Arthur’s seeing eye dog. Theres an implicit trust in being forced to completely rely on someone to be your senses. And John did so good in that role for so long. He’s only ever explicitly lied ONCE (as far as we’re aware) and it was an understandable, albeit unwise act of self defense.

And then slowly the trust Arthur and the viewers are forced to hold is rattled. First by his memory degrading - but thats not his fault. His integrity is legitimately declining for reasons unknown. Its a scary thing, for Arthur, and him in equal measure. He doesn’t mean to miss details he should know, and he rushes to overcompensate when he realizes his memory has failed him. It seems noble and tragic.

He takes offense to Arthur relying on others, he seems to take it as a ‘you’re not good enough.’

And then the second blow comes. He is a creature of ulterior motives and manipulation at his core, no matter how hard he tries to play nice, its his foundation. His domain. His by rite of godhood. He can lie about what he sees. Easily. He can use Arthur’s trust however he sees fit. He can guide Arthur anywhere he wants, he can trap Arthur in any location through simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ cues. you’re reminded that he can be unreliable on purpose. And suddenly that desire to be Arthur’s sole support seems like intentionally isolating him. Because someone else might alert Arthur of John’s misdirection and obfuscation. Might undermine his unwavering and unchallenged authority.

Its so fucked.

#dataspeaks #malevolent #malevolent spoilers

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jayswritings13 · 1 year

Text

Total Drama: Mike and Mal Relationship Headcanons

Request: "Can I request dating headcanons for Mike and Mal from Total Drama?"

💗Masterlist | WIP Page

Mike

Very nervous

At first, you thought that it was just because he liked you and such.

You really didn't know too much about Dissociative Identity Disorder to suspect that.

Well, until Mike came out and told you himself.

"....So I take it that you're going to want nothing to do with me now?" Mike glanced away, bracing himself up for you're affirmation of his worst fears.

That he was someone not worth knowing.

That he was strange.

That he was c-

"What?! Of course not!" You said, "You mean a lot to me and a mental illness cannot change that. I want you to know that you have my full support." You paused, smirking a bit at him, "I'm an okay listener."

That was all he wanted: acceptance.

WORDS OF AFFIRATION

Mike is often very self deprecating and negative about himself, so hearing positive affirmations melts his heart and catches his attention like nothing else.

Pet names and nicknames are not so much Mikes thing

That, however, does not stop you.

"Babe, hand me that pencil."

"If Scott wants to fuck with you, then I have to fuck with him, hun. I don't make the rules!"

"You got this, sweetheart."

Mike likes to return the favor through acts of service.

Need help with putting together something? He may not be good at it, but he'll be there.

Sick with the flu? Already picking up cold medicine, soup, and movies to watch/fall asleep too.

Have to clean out your car? He's already done it and made sure to get it washed too.

"How are you so nice?" You laughed, grabbing another handful of popcorn out of the bowl you to shared.

"I don't know. Maybe you're just lucky." He grinned.

"I already knew that, hun. You smiled, "I consider myself very lucky."

"I am too."

Mal

Not to much surprise, he wasn't too shy or nervous about confessing feelings for you in the ways that you expect.

He is actually rather blunt about his thoughts and feelings

Which can lead to fights and arguments

"C'mon, how long are you going to freeze me out?" Mal groaned, rolling his eyes. "I was just honest."

"You called the dinner that I made shitty. I spent all day on that!"

"And I gave you an honest critique for next time. You're welcome!"

Don't expect any romantic or mushy stuff from him.

He is not only horrible at that type of stuff, but he's not interested in any of it.

Flowers? Please that shit turns to weeds faster than it took to grow them.

Cooking a romantic dinner? He can't cook anything that great, but if you want cereal, go for it.

Surprise trips? Hard to plan for trips with his unique situation between him and Mike.

However, this doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you.

He just shows it differently.

Mostly though quality time.

Mal makes sure that you know that he cares for you, but doesn't feel the need to say so excessively.

He mostly likes to spend time around you, even if not doing anything in particular.

And with him being introverted and isolating himself often, that is a huge compliment tbh.

On the other hand, he loves when you shower him with praise or any other words of affirmation.

No pet names though.

He absolutely hates them.

Which means that you love to use it to annoy him.

He knows what you're doing, but he falls for it everytime.

"Sweetie? Can you hand me that?"

"I hate you." Mal stated, handing you your phone.

"Ha! Yeah, okay." You laughed. "Totally believable."

#total drama #jayswritings #total drama headcanons #total drama x reader #total drama mal #total drama mike #td mal #td mike #td x reader

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sambvcks · 2 years

Text

wanting was enough (for me it was enough), e.m. x reader

pairing: eddie munson x reader

summary: eddie munson is not used to being someone’s first choice

warnings: some cursing, self-isolation/hatred (by eddie), some talks of what transpired in s4, nightmares, talk of having children (not detailed)

word count: 1.2k

author’s note: sabs be inspired by something other than taylor swift challenge failed once again. this is for @elegantpaperoperatormaker ’s eyes only. yall can read it but it was written for them. also sorry if this doesn’t make any sense/has no plot, i have covid and im delusional :(

[ read on ao3 | masterlist | inbox ]

You could not think of a better way to spend a summer than with Eddie Munson. The bonfire talks, the late-night listening sessions and movie marathons. He showed you every scar he had accumulated, pale skin even paler where monsters had sunk into flesh. You grew tanner under the Indiana sun, war torn freckles dotting faces and wrinkles settling into the corners of your eyes as you squinted during lakeside rendezvous.

Eddie would whip his wet hair at you, like an excitable dog, as you cut sandwiches on the diagonal and plated lukewarm slices of seedless watermelon.

It was easy, spending every waking moment with him. At one time, you’d thought you’d never get another one with him. So, you savor every second he has now. Scars and all. And it had started out friendly enough.

Simple acquaintances turned soldiers turned something else. It was hard to remember when sleepovers turned into stolen glances, when glances turned into actions. Somewhere between burnt marshmallow smiles and silent comforts after nightmares he had made a move. Really, you both did. Desperate for something more than friendly touches you kissed beneath thin bedsheets, legs tangled and teeth knocking as you fought smiles and demons together.

Then, another shift.

As June turned to July, which then turned to August, Eddie grew cold with the weather. As you layered on heavy cardigans, he shrugged you away.

The once inviting smiles were reserved, there was a distance even as you huddled so close together. He did his best to hide it, still scratching nails against your scalp and pressing kisses wherever he could. But the nightmares were becoming more frequent, and he hid them – something he’d never done before. He found excuses, reasons to keep you at arm’s length. It was a challenge, with your lives so closely intertwined now, but he still managed to go days now without you.

All at once, you’d had enough.

“C’mon, Eds. The cold shoulder, it’s a dirty trick.”

He shrugs, occupying himself with scrubbing the last bit of food from the sink full of dishes.

“Is it-is it me? Did I do or say something? Are you, like, tired of me?”

“No! God, never. I could never be tired of you. Don’t even begin to think like that.”

“Then what’s going on? And none of that ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ shit.”

He heaved a heavy sigh, hand working at the flesh of his face. He looked exhausted, something he had attributed to the shift to autumn when you asked if he was getting enough sleep – not really an answer kind of answer.

“I just-” He hesitated, watching you fiddle with the frayed edge of his bedsheet. He thought of the countless nights you had tangled your legs in them, limbs thrashing as you recoiled from wiggling fingers digging at your sides. He thought of your neck, arched for his viewing pleasure as he pressed sloppy, open mouth kisses and blew cold air over wet skin, cackling at your echoing shrieks. “I know this won’t last.”

Your brow furrowed further, mouth falling into a deeper frown, and Eddie scrambled to piece together every waking nightmare he had hid from you.

“I made peace with the fact that you aren’t mine past August. That one day you’ll meet a guy worthy of everything you are, and I’ll just be some fun summer fling you had that led to that moment. I’ll only ever be a prefix to something better. And I’m okay with that as long as you end up happy.” He said, easy. Like he was reciting every word from practiced memory.

There wasn’t a sadness, either. There was a finality. Eddie Munson would never be someone’s first or final choice. To everyone in his life, he’s the kid that got dumped on their doorstep. Or who fell into an interdimensional hole with them. Or was forever stuck in their remedial math class.

Destined to live and die in Hawkins, Indiana.

“I mean, shit. I go back to high school this month. Dustin will probably graduate before I do. How pathetic can you get?”

But that’s not the Eddie you had met this summer.

Eddie is torn jeans and the same beat-up pair of trainers, He is cigarette smoke on a cold lakeside evening and the store brand coffee his uncle brews extra strong, always sipped from a different mug. He is every comfort you have ever felt, wrapped up in a single entity of warmth and flushed skin. His freckles are your faraway stars, and you are so grateful that you do not need a telescope to admire each one.

He is here. Right here. And sometimes you have to grab a fistful of his shirt or hook a finger into the chain of his jeans just to be sure. You weren’t used to beautiful things turning into constants. And Eddie Munson was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen.

He’d been the one to offer to hot wire your car in the rain, when you had no one to call. He’d used a portion of his earnings buying the name brand cat food for the strays that liked your trailer the best, hating that you looked so sad when you couldn’t shell together the money on your own.

“Eds, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Okay, harsh-”

“You think I’m not in this for the long run? Like I don’t fall asleep thinking about what our life is going to be like, what our kids will look like? This isn’t some summer fling. This is it, babe. There’s nothing better out there.”

Now, it was Eddie’s turn to look completely baffled. He falls into the bed next to you, mattress bouncing and sheets crinkling further. He eyes his room, the mess he lives in filled with smoke faded posters and wallpaper and wonders: someone’s choosing this?

Then, you. He’d been to hell and back with you and you’d still found some way to throw in a cringey one liner between swinging bats and reloading pistols. You’d laid shoulder to shoulder with him in that rickety boat and made him not forget what was happening but find some peace in it if it led you your hair falling beside his, fingers entangled. He’d be hunted ten times over if this was his ending, he decided.

“Kids, huh?”

“Oh, shut up. I change my mind.”

“No! No take backs, babe. I want little Eddie Jr. by next fall!” And he’s pushing you into the mattress, feeling dumb not for failing history again but for ever thinking of you as just another person that would leave him. Sure, he didn’t have the best track record in that category, but as he felt you completely give yourself up to his ministrations, he thought that maybe his luck was finally taking a turn.

And, if you really pressed him on the matter, he thought August was a lovely name for a little girl.

#eddie munson x reader fluff #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things imagine #stranger things x reader #stranger things fic #joseph quinn imagine #joseph quinn x reader

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galaxygolfergirl · 7 months

Text

Some of my favorite Helsa fan arts I’ve done throughout the years (dates are in the alt text).

I’ve been thinking about this ship recently, especially its place in the fandom, and I have some thoughts (read below)

Ever since I was roped into this franchise 10 years ago, I think I’ve almost always drawn Hans with a beard. Primarily, it was because I felt that if he ever did show up again in Frozen media, he would be more weathered and unpretentious about his appearance since dropping his facade in the first film. Also because I just thought he would look better with more facial hair (it’s a me thing).

As for Elsa, I’ve never been consistent in drawing her, as it was hard for me to read her animated model, what with her huge eyes and baby nose, as normal, so that’s evolved over the years to a happy medium where it still reads as Elsa, but also reads as human with normal face proportions.

As to why I’ve shipped helsa all these years? Hans and Elsa are two sides of the same coin to me, the main difference being that one of them succumbed to their worst intentions and desires, while the other freed themselves and learned to embrace love and peace in their life. Both were isolated during their childhoods, resulting in years of loneliness, misery, and bitterness; both try to appear poised and reserved, hiding their inner self-loathing; both are intelligent and cunning, both have a definite aggressive streak, and both have interesting chemistry in their very few scenes together. Hans seems to be the only one on equal footing with Elsa who can get through to her throughout the film, mainly for his own ambition, of course, but it intrigued me to see even all these years later how compelling their interactions are.

Why would he sympathetically plead, “don’t be the monster they fear you are,” and stop her from killing those two guards? If he was planning on killing her, why would he go to her and ask if she could stop the winter? Why does he look shocked, almost sad when she tells him that she can’t, like he’s regretting having to kill her? It’s moments like these that paint these characters with more nuance than meets the eye.

I’ve always thought after the first movie, there was definitely potential for a more nuanced and interesting story if Hans were to return. Not simply for revenge, but rather an “enemy of my enemy is my friend” situation, where Frohana would have to work with Hans somehow to fend off an invading force or adversary, like the Southern Isles, to stick it to his family. He and Elsa would be adversarial, for sure, but through forced cooperation, they could open up and become more vulnerable with one another. The amount of angst and turmoil over their feelings for one another would be doubly engrossing. The drama would be incredible.

Now listen: I don’t really expect any of that to happen. I got off the Helsa or die party bus years ago and I’m just mainly enjoying it as it’s own non-canon concept. Believe me, I would love it if it did happen, god willing and the creek don’t rise. But really, when you get down to it, these are movies marketed at little girls, and I don’t think it would really go that far. It’s not easy to come back from holding a sword over a girl’s head, as quoted by Santino Fontana himself.

I grew up with this fandom, I started all the way back in middle school 10 years ago, and this has been a definite learning experience for me in separating the extrapolated world of fan-fiction and the reality of a pg animated musical. I’ve grown up and my expectations are different, and now I understand that canon doesn’t mean shit. I beg, do not take any of this seriously. Just because it has the Disney trademark slapped on it does not mean it’s the end all be all of a story. Stories are fluid things that adapt and evolve in each of the hands they pass through. No one interpretation of a story or a character or a relationship has to be “the right one,” and not every character has to sit on a black and white scale of moral dichotomy, there are always shades of gray.

I’m not saying all of this to be deep about a ship between a Disney princess and a Disney villain that I got into when I was 13, believe I know it’s not that deep. I’m saying this because I’ve lived through fandom and set myself up with false expectations, only to be disappointed. Hell, I took a break from helsa for a solid 3 years because of how burnt out I was. It’s far too easy to dissociate from the text and treat fanon as canon; you’re just setting yourself up to be disappointed. Just let it be its own thing! Like I said, canon does not mean shit! Don’t take things so seriously! Feel free to tell your own stories!

Anyways, I still love this ship, or at least the version I came up with in my head, because I am a storyteller, and I saw potential in these two that could be realized through other means. It doesn’t matter to me if it’s canon or not. Just enjoy it as it is.

#helsa #disney #artists on tumblr #important #illustration #fan art #hans x elsa #queen elsa #prince hans #frozen #frozen 2 #frozen 3 #fandom #disney frozen

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mostlysignssomeportents · 6 months

Text

All the books I reviewed in 2023 (Graphic Novels)

Next Tuesday (December 5), I'm at Flyleaf Books in Chapel Hill, NC, with my new solarpunk novel The Lost Cause, which 350.org's Bill McKibben called "The first great YIMBY novel: perceptive, scientifically sound, and extraordinarily hopeful."

It's that time of year again, when I round up all the books I reviewed for my newsletter in the previous year. I posted 21 reviews last year, covering 31 books (there are two series in there!). I also published three books of my own last year (two novels and one nonfiction). A busy year in books!

Every year, these roundups remind me that I did actually manager to get a lot of reading done, even if the list of extremely good books that I didn't read is much longer than the list of books I did read. I read many of these books while doing physiotherapy for my chronic pain, specifically as audiobooks I listened to on my underwater MP3 player while doing my daily laps at the public pool across the street from my house.

After many years of using generic Chinese waterproof MP3s players – whose quality steadily declined over a decade – I gave up and bought a brand-name player, a Shokz Openswim. So far, I have no complaints. Thanks to reader Abbas Halai for recommending this!

https://shokz.com/products/openswim

I load up this gadget with audiobook MP3s bought from Libro.fm, a fantastic, DRM-free alternative to Audible, which is both a monopolist and a prolific wage-thief with a documented history of stealing from writers:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/07/25/can-you-hear-me-now/#acx-ripoff

All right, enough with the process notes, on to the reviews!

GRAPHIC NOVELS

I. Shubiek Lubiek by Deena Mohamed

An intricate alternate history in which wishes are real, and must be refined from a kind of raw wish-stuff that has to be dug out of the earth. Naturally, this has been an important element of geopolitics and colonization, especially since the wish-stuff is concentrated in the global south, particularly Egypt, the setting for our tale. The framing device for the trilogy is the tale of three "first class" wishes: these are the most powerful wishes that civilians are allowed to use, the kind of thing you might use to cure cancer or reverse a crop-failure.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/11/your-wish/#is-my-command

II. Ducks by Kate Beaton

In 2005, Beaton was a newly minted art-school grad facing a crushing load of student debt, a debt she would never be able to manage in the crumbling, post-boom economy of Cape Breton, Nova Scotia. Like so many Maritimers, she left the home that meant everything for her to travel to Alberta, where the tar sands oil boom promised unmatched riches for anyone willing to take them. Beaton's memoir describes the following four years, as she works her way into a series of oil industry jobs in isolated company towns where men outnumber women 50:1 and where whole communities marinate in a literally toxic brew of carcinogens, misogyny, economic desperation and environmental degradation. The story that follows is – naturally – wrenching, but it is also subtle and ambivalent. Beaton finds camaraderie with – and empathy for – the people she works alongside, even amidst unimaginable, grinding workplace harassment that manifests in both obvious and glancing ways.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/14/hark-an-oilpatch/#kate-beaton

III. Justice Warriors by Matt Bors

Justice Warriors is what you'd get if you put Judge Dredd in a blender with Transmetropolitan and set it to chunky. The setup: the elites of a wasted, tormented world have retreated into Bubble City, beneath a hermetically sealed zone. Within Bubble City, everything is run according to the priorities of the descendants of the most internet-poisoned freaks of the modern internet, click- and clout-chasing mushminds full of corporate-washed platitudes about self-care, diversity and equity, wrapped around come-ons for sugary drinks and dubious dropshipper crapola. It's a cop buddy-story dreamed up by Very Online, very angry creators who live in a present-day world where reality is consistently stupider than satire.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/22/libras-assemble/#the-uz

IV. Roaming by Jillian Tamaki and Mariko Tamaki

The story of three young Canadian women meeting up for a getaway to New York City. Zoe and Dani are high-school best friends who haven't seen each other since they graduated and decamped for universities in different cities. Fiona is Dani's art-school classmate, a glamorous and cantankerous artist with an affected air of sophistication. It's a dizzying, beautifully wrought three-body problem as the three protagonists struggle with resentments and love, sex and insecurity. The relationships between Zoe, Dani and Fiona careen wildly from scene to scene and even panel to panel, propelled by sly graphic cues and fantastically understated dialog.

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/11/as-canadian-as/#possible-under-the-circumstances

Like I said, this has been a good year in books for me, and it included three books of my own:

I. Red Team Blues (novel, Tor Books US, Head of Zeus UK)

Martin Hench is 67 years old, single, and successful in a career stretching back to the beginnings of Silicon Valley. He lives and roams California in a very comfortable fully-furnished touring bus, The Unsalted Hash, that he bought years ago from a fading rock star. He knows his way around good food and fine drink. He likes intelligent women, and they like him back often enough. Martin is a—contain your excitement—self-employed forensic accountant, a veteran of the long guerilla war between people who want to hide money, and people who want to find it. He knows computer hardware and software alike, including the ins and outs of high-end databases and the kinds of spreadsheets that are designed to conceal rather than reveal. He’s as comfortable with social media as people a quarter his age, and he’s a world-level expert on the kind of international money-laundering and shell-company chicanery used by Fortune 500 companies, mid-divorce billionaires, and international drug gangs alike. He also knows the Valley like the back of his hand, all the secret histories of charismatic company founders and Sand Hill Road VCs. Because he was there at all the beginnings. Now he’s been roped into a job that’s more dangerous than anything he’s ever agreed to before—and it will take every ounce of his skill to get out alive.

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865847/red-team-blues

II. The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation (nonfiction, Verso)

We can – we must – dismantle the tech platforms. We must to seize the means of computation by forcing Silicon Valley to do the thing it fears most: interoperate. Interoperability will tear down the walls between technologies, allowing users to leave platforms, remix their media, and reconfigure their devices without corporate permission. Interoperability is the only route to the rapid and enduring annihilation of the platforms. The Internet Con is the disassembly manual we need to take back our internet.

https://www.versobooks.com/products/3035-the-internet-con

III. The Lost Cause (novel, Tor Books US, Head of Zeus UK)

For young Americans a generation from now, climate change isn't controversial. It's just an overwhelming fact of life. And so are the great efforts to contain and mitigate it. Entire cities are being moved inland from the rising seas. Vast clean-energy projects are springing up everywhere. Disaster relief, the mitigation of floods and superstorms, has become a skill for which tens of millions of people are trained every year. The effort is global. It employs everyone who wants to work. Even when national politics oscillates back to right-wing leaders, the momentum is too great; these vast programs cannot be stopped in their tracks.

But there are still those Americans, mostly elderly, who cling to their red baseball caps, their grievances, their huge vehicles, their anger. To their "alternative" news sources that reassure them that their resentment is right and pure and that "climate change" is just a giant scam. And they're your grandfather, your uncle, your great-aunt. And they're not going anywhere. And they’re armed to the teeth. The Lost Cause asks: What do we do about people who cling to the belief that their own children are the enemy? When, in fact, they're often the elders that we love?

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865939/the-lost-cause

I wrote nine books during lockdown, and there's plenty more to come. The next one is The Bezzle, a followup to Red Team Blues, which comes out in February:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865878/thebezzle

While you're waiting for that one, I hope the reviews above will help you connect with some excellent books. If you want more of my reviews, here's my annual roundup from 2022:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/01/bookishness/#2022-in-review

Here's my book reviews from 2021:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/12/08/required-ish-reading/#bibliography

And here's my book reviews from 2020:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/12/08/required-reading/#recommended-reading

It's EFF's Power Up Your Donation Week: this week, donations to the Electronic Frontier Foundation are matched 1:1, meaning your money goes twice as far. I've worked with EFF for 22 years now and I have always been - and remain - a major donor, because I've seen firsthand how effective, responsible and brilliant this organization is. Please join me in helping EFF continue its work!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/12/01/bookmaker/#2023-in-review

#pluralistic #books #reviews #science fiction #gift guide #graphic novels #2023 in review #novels

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