#like. being poly is wonderful and im glad people are living the way the is best for them

[garbagefool]

When the girl you have big feelings for has them back but you both want very different things right now

#i m sad #like. being poly is wonderful and im glad people are living the way the is best for them #but im sad that so many people im attracted to are poly because im incompatible with poly relationships #i don't want to hurt ir suffocate anyone #not being together is definitely the right move #but it still hurts

[actualbird]

Oh god!

I really love the poly headcanons they are so sweet.... (or don't but that's part of it and i think the tot boys+MC deserve all the love the world has to give).

But, liking it or not, our 4 beloved boys are kinda complicated (that's what makes them perfect). Plus I never thought about how people get in poly relationships. So i was thinking, how do you think they all get into a polyrelationship together?

(I really have no idea of how that would happen)

hi, two anons!! im glad you guys liked my nxx team polycule stuff!! i'll answer these in one go, my "headcanon" (in quotes because i think this kinda turned into a character analysis/minific of sorts HAHA) being what first anon asked, How They Get Together.

heads up, wc of this is 1.9k words long so buckle up for a bit of a read jfsjdfkjbf

because first anon, youre right!!! the boys are stupendously complicated which i love so so much but canon has also shown us clearly that each of the boys' quirks and habits and tendencies causes a lot of (mostly played for laughs) friction. the bickering, the backhanded insults, the "im the best one here" preening contests. theyre all SOOOO RIDICULOUS and it is hilarious but yep! the boys r complex!! and that means this beautiful ship, imo, has a lot of phases to get to the actual romantic relationship bit.

how they get together, in my opinion, starts because of mc.

not in the sense that she matchmakes them all, but like.

phase 1 of the nxx team polycule is this:

through being in love with her (which we all know the boys 100% are), each of the boys come to terms with their own flaws and weaknesses. it's very apparent to me in all the story thus far that these boys are flawed as hell, it's very compelling but even more compelling to me is how all of them also do intense mental gymnastics to Not Confront Those Flaws. like, marius is a dickbag always teasing and toeing the line of insincerity, vyn is a controlling mf who always tries to sway situations to his benefit, artem is so repressed to the point that he has genuine trouble with emotions, luke is a self sacrificial bastard and also a huge hypocrite about how no, actually, hes the only one that should be hiding his pain and being dishonest, no dishonesty from other people!! in the beginning of the story, all the boys have their flaws and seem to have just kinda...not addressed how those flaws are harming them and the people around them.

and then mc rolls around and they all fall in love with her. and she sees those flaws and she doesnt let them slide. she challenges the boys in her own ways to see another side of the situation, to acknowledge what theyre doing. she doesnt want to get rid of flaws, thats impossible and also not cool. she just has this beautiful hope for like, all of humanity, that goodness can prevail with the right work. so when she sees her beloved nxx boys, she believes that for them as well.

which leads to phase 2 of the nxx team polycule:

the boys, more aware of themselves, become more aware of each other.

they werent Unaware of the others of course. it's just that they didnt like...truly connect on a personal level just yet. they saw the other teammembers with their emotional armor and flaws and saw a wall that wasnt worth looking past.

but after mc makes them realize that hey, flaws arent the end of the world actually, it's alright and the person behind them may just be worth it, the boys like. end up understanding the others. A LOT OF THIS BIT IS UNINTENTIONAL, ON THEIR PARTS KJDSBFS. like they stumble into understanding each other by accident, they didnt plan it, but over the course of nxx investigations, it's inevitable that they end up seeing the depths of the others. i delve into this a little bit in my fanfic "filler eps of the lost gold" where the boys are just going thru their actions and then trip over another boy's fears or desires and through that, gain a deeper understanding mutually.

and with understanding, sometimes, comes trust.

phase 3 of the nxx team polycule goes like this:

everybody in this team, whether they like it or not, whether they know it or not, has a heart that wants to give love so desperately.

marius lives in a world full of snakes so he cant have his heart on his sleeve for his own protection. vyn wants to be seen as perfect and the heart is inherently messy so he holds it back. artem for a very very long time was focused on work and success and achievement that he neglected his heart. and luke has been giving love all his life in a sense but in a way thats hidden.

all these tendencies that are brought upon their life circumstances results in this: they want to love honestly but they havent been able to do this

until mc. and all of them want to push back whatever fears or patterns their life has instilled in them because they see her and see somebody so unwaveringly good that all their hearts begin giving love to her to make her happy and to make themselves happy as well.

but heres the thing. the boys dont just see mc. by this point, they have connected and understood and come to trust each other as well, and the consequence of that is that They Can See Each Other Now Too, Truly.

and heres the thing. all of the boys are unwaveringly good as well.

one by one, each of the boys realize that what they feel for the other boys in the team starts to...change. yeah theyre all friends, they pick on each other a lot of the time, but the bedrock of the relationship is solid and strong now. but when marius is with luke, marius sees a light inside of luke so bright that he seems unaware that he gives off. when artem is with vyn, artem sees a goodness inside of vyn that hesitates to make itself obvious and known because vyn is scared of getting hurt thanks to it. all of them see the other and their goodness and, unbidden, their hearts want to give love to each other as well.

and because theyre all a bit stupid in their own way theyre like, huh, weird! wonder why this feeling is so familiar! and yet i cant seem to name it...and then they all independently compare these feeling with the feelings they have for mc, a feeling they do know the name of, and theyre like.

WAIT.

THESE FEELINGS ARE...VERY BASICALLY EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL FOR MC.

which only means one thing: theyve fallen in love with everybody else

marius: //goes to his studio to Think and sees that a bunch of his recent art actually had little crumbs of these feelings already, etched into the brushstrokes and scenes. has an emotional crisis about it

vyn: //records a 1 hour long entry in his audio diary to examine and gain control of his feelings but by the end of the hour all he knows is that he wants to hold these people and be held by them

artem: //quite literally just bluescreens, artem.exe has stopped working, sits at his study and slowly, slowly, thunks his head down onto his desk, valiantly trying to ignore the fast pulse of his heart

luke: //manically vents about it to peanut who, by virtue of being a bird, doesnt get it. just keeps talking at peanut to get a grasp of it all and then lies down on the floor, overwhelmed

mc, sitting in her apartment watching some netflix: ...why do i inexplicably feel as if something very, very important has just happened?

phase 4 of the nxx team polycule is basically:

pining: extreme difficulty level

because pining is already hard when ur pining for one person. what more for an additional 3 more people. and those additional 3 more people are pining back.

and all these boys are SOOOO OBVIOUS with their romantic feelings, in their own special way. the way they show their affection to mc starts to bleed into their interactions with the others and everybody can CLEARLY SEE WHAT IS GOING ON, LOL, but also all the boys are too chickenshit to confront it, because if they confront it, what will even happen??? being in love with each other, all of them, thats going to be such a complicated fucking relationship, holy shit. it's 2030, yeah, being a polyamorous group relationship isnt completely unheard of, but sue them, theyre scared.

but mc (who i forgot to mention already knows of the boys' romantic feelings for her, shes just hasnt made a move yet on any of them because SHES IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THEM AS WELL and shes been trying to figure out how the hell to make that work, she cant bear to choose just one of them, she'd be heartbroken over leaving the rest of them behind) sees that the nxx investigation team is now all pining for each other FULLY and she kinda wants to laugh when she realizes whats going on because like, what are the chances? that this would happen? that they all found each other and their feelings fell into just the right place for nobody to be left behind?

theyre all scared, she can tell. and she is as well, she wont lie.

but shes always had a belief that goodness can prevail with the right work.

and love is one of the greatest goods out there.

phase 5 of the nxx team polycule:

It's Time For Communication, Baby!!!!!

the exact scenes of how this happens is a bit vague to me. it could go two ways: mc going to each of the boys independently to talk about feelings, hers about everybodys and his about everybodys as well. OR they have a fucking meeting about it all together and artem literally schedules it in his google calendar, or something.

either way, they like, actually talk about this. starts casual, maybe over a chill date, maybe over dinner at a nice restaurant, maybe over a walk in the park as the sun is starting to set. but where ever it happens, the end result is the same: a heart is laid out bare and it is taken in gentle, grateful hands.

marius: OKAY, NOW THAT THE FEELINGS ARE OUT OF THE WAY, CAN I PLEASE KISS ONE OR ALL OF YOU, PLEASE, IVE BEEN WANTING TO KISS U GUYS FOR FOREVER

vyn, laughing fondly: has anybody ever told you patience is a virtue? we quite literally just talked it all out.

marius: //needy whining noises

artem, embarrassed: ive...never kissed anybody before

luke, embarrassed but trying to play it Cool: ....same here

mc: kissing is great, you two will love it!

marius: awesome, awesome, so is ANYBODY going to give me a go ahead or WHAT????

phase 6 of the nxx team polycule:

i dont want to say it's happily ever after, once they all get together. thats not really realistic.

they all have their quirks and tendencies and habits. and those will inevitable clash against each other. theyll have their arguments, theyll get upset, theyll sulk and be angry, sometimes. but also...

theyll see each other smile and feel like their love shining so brightly. theyll reach out for another's hand and be held in such a way that makes them think that their heart is in a safe place. theyll love each other and theyll put in the work to continue loving each other. because goodness will prevail.

and they all see each other as the most good people in the world.

so whatever happens, theyll get through it together.

#tears of themis #vyn richter #marius von hagen #tears of themis rosa #artem wing

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: August 8th

Well, doing big posts all together worked for a while but lately I’ve been putting it off because it takes a long time to get them done. I think I’m gonna try switching back to answering asks whenever I can fit it in and posting them one at a time instead of waiting until I’ve filled out one of these major collections.

But for now, here’s more ask answers! Thank you for the questions and for all the kind words along with them ^^.

Hello!! I'm here to ask if its possible to get  the game and its dlcs on steam and play it on android?

I’m afraid not. Steam doesn’t have Android builds on their own site and Steam is not cool with keys for other sites being given out for Steam purchases, so you don’t get the Itch version from buying on Steam.

Hello! Sorry to bother you but, I had a question, if we buy the Game on itchio do we get steam keys or would we need to purchase it twice? 

You would have to buy it twice if you want it in both places, I’m sorry. To repeat myself a little, Steam doesn’t like the key trading thing. Itch may support giving keys for another site, but the reverse isn’t doable with Steam and Steam doesn’t even really want you to get a Steam key for buying somewhere else either. So we just don’t mess around with that.

hey, sorry if this is frequently asked, but is step 4 free dlc or paid for? some of your sources are contradicting each other. 

It’s free! There’s a paid wedding DLC, but Step 4 itself is entirely unpaid.

Hello! I just had a quick question, for the Baxter and Derek DLC's will we be able to confess our feelings to them or let them confess to MC? or will it only be one way? (they confess to MC)

Both type of options will be available!

Hey there! I wanted to ask whether or not the Derek DLC is still on track to be released in August since on the steam discussion board it says it will be released mid 2021. I totally understand if it isn't, I'm just really looking forward to it! If you answer then ty! And keep up the amazing work :D 

It’s not, aha. Unfortunately, 2021 wasn’t easier than 2020 as we hoped so things are still slower than planned. It’ll come out late 2021 or early 2022.

Hi! Firstly I just want to say that I LOVE Our Life. I have played a bit of similar games but this one instantly wins for the best one! Everything about it is amazing! I just wanted to ask if Derek would ever lose feelings for MC, like if they make the deal and then MC gets with Cove would he move on? and even if you don't, after "losing contact" would his feeling fade or would he still like MC? 

If you don’t really keep in touch with him and clearly move on with your life, Derek will too and he’ll be over it. But if you are still close as best as you can be, he’ll still think the MC is special. Though, he’ll always support your relationship with someone else if that’s what’ll make you happy.

Hello! Sorry if you've answered this before but: 'How's Lee related to us? Though which momma? And does she share our player-chosen last names? Also, do you know if Noelani took Pam's last name or did it happen the other way round? 

She’s related to Pamela and Pamela’s last name is the one they use, so the MC has the same last name as Lee.

Will we be able to choose which (they or he) we tend to call Qiu by more often, or will it randomly change depending on the moment? 

Qiu knows which pronoun they’re comfortable with at a time and you’ll call them what they’re happy with. And it doesn’t change between lines, it takes multiple scenes or even full Steps for it to switch. So for extended periods Qiu will be totally a guy or fully agender.

Will Step 4 of OL2 have moments?

It’ll be an epilogue like it is in OL1, so it won’t have a bunch of different Moments.

Hello! Just a quick question, is Sunset bird from OL1 based on a real location? If so what's it called? I wanna visit it +_+

ps i love your games so much <3

It isn’t based on one specific town you can go to, but there are a lot of little coastal towns in Cali that have a similar vibe!

Heyaaa ( I hope you're all well ), umm… it might seem kinda stupid to ask but did Patreon members can have a key for the dlc's ( all the steps-released dlc ) even if they became a member this month or later ? (me? saying this cuz it's my case? maybe ;-;), and once again thanks for absolutely all the amazing works on all the games ! u-u 

You wouldn’t get the DLCs for backing there. The Patreon is for extra bonus content/early access, rather than being a storefront to purchase the normal DLCs. Rarely we give them out as a side gift, but it hardly happens and if what you want is the DLCs it’s best to ignore the Patreon and  buy keys for those directly from Itch or Steam. I’m sorry for the confusion.

Hey y'all, love what youre doing w/Terry. Trans rep outside of player customization is so rare and important to see more of so thank you so much. I do have a question and its that does he have a canon sexuality? I know Miranda was said to be straight ace but I dont believe anything was stated for Terry probably because he wasnt revealed to be a guy which changes things. Im also curious if well get answers on how long hes liked Miranda since he may have liked her in step 3 before she liked him 

Terry likes women and Randy likes men! And he did like Miranda back in Step 3.

Will the Wedding Dlc release at the same time as Step 4? 

They’ll come out separately with Step 4 releasing first.

I really love Our Life so much! I've spent over 20hours playing it even though I only got it a week ago! I was wondering if I could make a fangame for Our Life with a different love interest but same plot. Next-door neighbors romance, multiple steps, etc? I'll probably make it on Google Slides though- 

Sure! I hope you have fun with it and I’m glad you love the game.

How does Cove feel about poly relationships? 

He’s got nothing against them for the people they work for, but he’s 100% monogamous and would only be comfortable with a partner who was willing to be monogamous with him.

Idk if this has been answered before but will Step 4 include the option to advance your feelings towards Cove? 

Yep, you’ll be able to determine your feelings and what your relationship is.

In step 4 will there be a chosen to say we live with Cove even as just friends? 

Yeah, you can choose to live with Cove and that can be done when you’re friends.

I just played the game with the MC and Cove being best friends and omg it’s still so damn cute like the wholesomeness of it all is too much for my heart I swear ^.^  Now with that all said I was wondering can we still marry Cove? if we only love him as a friend like let’s say we’ve made deal with him similar to the one we can make with Derek because let’s real no one could compete with what the MC and Cove have even if they aren’t in love. 

It’s great to hear you enjoyed the friendship story! You can live with Cove, but you can’t marry him platonically. Cove has familial affection for the MC if they’re best-est friends. He wouldn’t think to marry someone he loves like family and even grew up with as though they truly were siblings.

Are you still going to be making a DLC for XOBD? :] 

Yes! We’re slowing adding voiced lines and fixing errors.

It makes me laugh that Shiloh's last name is Fields because that's what I put as my last name! So in Our Life when he talked about "Ms. Fields" picking him up I was extremely confused, lol. That dude mimics personalities so much that he stole my surname!

Oh, wow, that’s a very funny coincidence, haha.

hi !! i cant seem to be able to get the scene where mc is able to propose to cove despite being at the 'love' stage and telling him i'd want to get married, are there any other details that im missing out on? the options just dont appear at the end... 

Maybe you missed telling Cove you were in love with him even if you mentioned wanting to get married or you might’ve accidentally said earlier in the game that you don’t want to progress your relationship further with Cove. We haven’t removed them, so you can get the scene again. It’s just kind of easy to miss since there’s multiple requirements. You can read a little guide in the FAQ.

wait what di you need to do to be able to propose to cove? I've been trying but haven't had much luck 

You can check out the FAQ linked above!

does cove only develop a crush on the mc if the mc is also at crush/in love with him? 

Technically, yes. We treat the non-romantic relationship options as truly non-romantic since we don’t want to bait and switch people. But there’s nothing wrong with headcanoning that Cove does have feelings developing for the MC even before the MC has.

Is there a way to make/allow Lee and Baxter to date?

No, they just don’t have enough time together.

We also got a group of asks related to Tamarack in OL2, but I’m afraid the way they talked about people with larger bodies made me not want to post their words, even if the person didn’t say they’re trying to be hurtful. I will separate out the core question and answer it though, so people can know that info.

Does Tamarack lose weight in later Steps?

No, she doesn’t. As for the other questions included, to be honest, I don’t have to explain/defend having romance options of different sizes. I’m sorry if you’re dealing with unhappiness that’s connected to body image, if that’s where the negative emotions are coming from, but even so I can’t meet you on that level and pretend it’s a problem that needs an answer. A girl who simply isn’t thin being a main love interest is just not an unreasonable concept. Also, Tamarack isn’t a lesbian. Yes, she can date a female MC, but that doesn’t undo her actual sexuality, so I’m not sure where that one part at the end was coming from.

I wonder... can we "fight" with Qiu over leader status? 👀

Not really, haha. No matter how cool your MC is, they’re never gonna replace Qiu for the other kids around. So you can either partner up with him, follow him too, or not be a part of all that group politics stuff.

So when I play the game, sometimes I mentally call Cove “Covie/Covey” and that made me wonder, how does Cove feel about being nicknamed? Not like Romeo/Space Cadet/etc. but like pet names relating to his actual name

It’d depend on his age, personality, and your relationship with him! When he’s younger he’d probably be embarrassed, when he was grown he’d probably be more casual or happy about it.

will you be able to date baxter in step 3 while at crush with cove (but not dating him ofc) sorry if this has been asked already. i really love baxters step 4 design btw!! 

Yeah, you can be crushing on Cove and date Baxter if you weren’t already dating Cove. You just can’t be truly in love with Cove and then switch to Baxter.

I just got my friend into our life, and they adore shiloh and derek sooo will there be more of them in the second game? 

I’m afraid not. But you can see plenty more of Shiloh in XOXO Droplets/XOXO Blood Droplets, haha.

I see you haven't gotten any xoxo droplets asks recently but I'm still obsessed with these boys!! I was just wondering if Nate would curse under any circumstance? 

Yeah, Nate does use certain swear words (damn, hell, bastard) on very rare occasions.

Hi there! I have a question about the wedding dlc. Will we be able to plan a honeymoon during the planning stages of it or would it be something that Cove and the mc would rather plan later on? Thank you! Absolutly love the game by the way, definitely one of my favorite games! 

The focus will be on the wedding day itself. The topic of the honeymoon might come up a bit, but there won’t be any choosing of the exact location and such.

Hi! I have two questions and it's completely understandable if you only answer one/neither and I'm sorry if you've already answered either before! First, is there a set year in which OL:B&A takes place (ex: Step 1 being set in 2010 & Step 2 being set in 2016, etc.) or is it simply up to interpretation? Second, have you guys thought about doing a coming-of-age game where the MC has a tough home life or upbringing? (like one of their parents is an addict, a parent being transphobic whilst the player has the option to be trans, or having friends that are influencing them to do drugs, etc.) That's all! Thanks for making beautiful games. <3 

There is a set timeline!

Step 1: 2006 Step 2: 2011 Step 3: 2016 Step 4: 2021 

And we don’t currently plan on making a game like that. The Our Life series exists to be a safer environment for people to play around in and if we did do a brand new series that was harsher edged it’d be something more fantastical and/or plot-driven instead of a different type of modern day slice-of-life growing up story. I’m sorry.

i don’t know if you’ve already answered this, but do you have a guess on when phase 4 will come out? as well as ol2? i’m so excited for both of them, the inclusivity in this game is amazing, you guys should be really proud of it! 

Step 4 will be coming out very soon! OL2 is gonna take until 2023 to be anywhere near completion. But we might episodically release the Steps one at a time as they get done instead of waiting for three to be finished before launch like we did with the first game.

Hello, I was curious if there was an official or unofficial discord server for the game? 

We do have a discord! You can join by clicking this link HERE.

how long do you plan to keep ol's patreon running? 

Hopefully for at least a few more years.

Are you considering ever making merch? 

Yeah, but I don’t know when it’ll happen or what exactly we’ll make, aha. It’s something we want do, just nothing is set.

hi! i just found out about your game a couple of days ago on tiktok (so sorry if you’ve already answered this question) and i was wondering if y’all are ever planning to release it on iOS? 

I have no idea. It’s hard for a small group to get Apple approval and I honestly can’t say if it’ll ever happen or not. Maybe someday, though!

Hi, I love the art style of Our life and I would like to know if the artist has a Twitter? Also, could it be possible to fund more CGs for the game from him/her? So many times, I wish there was one like when the cutscene of the sunshower. 

That’s nice of you to offer. He doesn’t have a Twitter, at least not one that’s public enough to be shared with me. And I’m afraid not. The issue is that the CGs take huge amounts of time rather than there not being a budget for it. He’s gotta make CGs for Step 4, the DLCs, and new character sprites, too. There isn’t space in the schedule for even more. Sorry for that.

Hi, how are you?!

Are you planning on accepting new writers or is it always the same people who write your stories??

Thanks!!

Our Life: Beginnings & Always won’t be getting new writers, but we will be hiring a new team of writers for Our Life: Now & Forever eventually!

perhaps this counts as nsfw and I'm sure it has been answered before but what does Cove prefer, chests/boobs or butts? or perhaps both :3c thank you for this wonderful game (and the patreon bonus moment, it was worth all the waiting and more ♥) 

He’s a “chests of all shapes and sizes” kind of guy, haha.

i was wondering- did any of the writers actually grow up by the beach? as someone who's lived in a beach town all their life it really did feel nostalgic to play through our life 1 

I was born and raised in Cali! Though, not right by the beach. We still had to make trips out, but the setting is based on my own childhood memories of small beach towns we went through.

In Derek’s upcoming DLC, will we be able to reference the pact we made as teens? (love olba and xod/xobd so much btw you’re literally amazing) 

Yep, you will be able to talk about that!

Oh, sorry about the Cole being secretly L ask, then!

If you wanted context: Death Note is about this one guy who finds a notebook that kills anyone who you write the name of in there. The guy eventually develops a God Complex and starts mass killing criminals and stuff. L is the one trying to find out who is killing all these people.

Me and my sister first joked about it because I couldn't remember how to translate a word about the way Cove was sitting, so I just did the pose, and it looked a lot like how L himself sits! Then we just snowballed from there, with more and more nonsense connections.

That’s okay! Thanks for explaining. I’m sorry I didn’t know what you meant.

#our life #ask #gb patch #gb patch games

[sheabuttyr]

plumbbae asked: [IM SORRY IF this sent twice!! tumblr is wack and didn't give me the page where it says it did. ;/] -- > Hey babe. Is there a place where I can DL your old cc/sets? [specifically the Monopoly one.] If not, or you don't feel like answering, totally ok! Regardless, thanks for taking your time !! xx

Hey Love, you can find all of my old CC HERE

sosophia26 asked: Hey Girly!! I love your cc in and out. But the daija dreads cause my game to crash. I removed all my mods and tested it with only this and to figure out the cause. I was wondering was it working on your end and just my computer cant handle all of the black girl magic for it.

My hairs in game works fine and I haven’t heard anything from anyone else or my patrons. Try redownloading it. I’ll be on the lookout if anyone has any problems.

1jadelove asked: Hi! Can you tell me which eye preset do you use, please?

Hi Love, You can check my resource page.

smilingcrybaby asked: Hey, I love your cc & I'm so happy you're back. I wanted to know if you'll be converting your adult hairs to kids or if you'll ever consider making child hairs?

For the foreseeable future I don’t see me converting any children's hairs. If you are looking for some children's conversions of my hairs @dbasiasimbr is wonderful at conversions for children and toddlers! 

thesobaboba asked: how do u get ur sims to look the way u do? i love ur style of sims sm and wish i could make some have certain traits urs do.

Hi Love, You can check my resource page.

gussini asked: Heyy, I wanted ask what the color # of the brown you use for Mobile?

Here is the hex code love #71412c

queenwilluna asked: I've been looking around for some mm Bantu Knots and everything I find has been removed, do you plan on making some anytime?

Yes I do plan on re-uploading and making more! 

violeteyestokyoj asked: I cant find the hasina dreads anywhere does the file still exist?

Hey Love, you can find all of my old CC HERE

forthesimculture asked: Will you also be creating future hairs for male sims? I loved your previous additions and use them every time I play. Hands down the best in the community!

Thank You So Much! and Yes I do plan on making more masculine frame hairs very soon! Be on the lookout!

rootivy asked: hello!! I love your cc so much, but I was wondering if it's possible for you to label each of the hairs in your big collections you put out like for example the braids or afros with their names? Because sometimes I only want a couple and I am never sure which is which since they have names but it doesn't say which! Thank you so much! Have a great day!

Hello Love, I list the hairs in the picture order and from left to right like it says listed in the collections. These are just older hairs that have been updated with the swatches and minor fixes. So it shouldn't be too hard to navigate. 

sofiekinggorjusse asked: WCIF THE CURLY HAIR FROM YOUR COTTAGE LIVING PLAY THROUGH POST?! 😍 it’s so beautiful

Here you go! You can find this hair HERE! It is by the wonderful serenity-cc!

humansinthesky asked: just want to say I'm so glad you're back, my game wouldn't be the same without your content! looking forward to both your updated and brand new creations 💙

AWW, Thank You Sooo Much! I am happy to be back and making new creations for you all to enjoy! 

lithops93 asked: Hi! <3 Could you please tell me where to find the female hair here? /post/657575448480563200/here-are-some-sims-for-my-cottage-living

Here you go! You can find this hair HERE! It is by the wonderful serenity-cc!

nekochan-simmer asked: Hi, I want to firstly say that I love your cc and I'm glad you are back posting. That said, could you perhaps make your hair less poly? I checked the afro puffs for curiosity and they were 48k poly, it is insanely high for hair. I want to be able to use your hair but with each hair being so high poly I really can't keep a lot of them in game, and I'm lucky that my computer and game are able to support at least a small bunch of them, there's people whose specs don't allow them to install such heavy content. I honestly can't see a reason why a maxis match hair is so high in polygons.

The reason why some of the hairs are on the higher poly side of things is because some if not most elements are made from scratch and also I make more intricate details and I decimate the meshes as much as I can without trying to compromise the integrity of the initial mesh. But this is why I always preface the people downloading and the patrons who pledge to me to check the specs of your computer. Not all of my cc is high poly but sadly If i want my content to look the best It comes at a smaller cost of vertices and poly count. 

girlalmighty666 asked: Hi! I love your cc ❤️ and your model sims are TO DIE FOR! Would you ever consider sharing them for download? Pretty please 🥺

I don’t see me uploading my sims in the future but I can make a default sim for you all to download if you’d like.

detectivemogeta asked: just wanted to say thanks for everything you create, it really makes my game experience better :)

No, The pleasure is all mine! I am so glad you like my content enough to even download it.

#inbox replies

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #dp thoughts

[drxwsyni]

Yandere Mirio Togata x quirkless!f!Reader x Tamaki Amajiki

Anonymous asked: “I recently read your headcannons for poly yandere Tamaki and Miro. They were so good!! I was wondering if you could do a one shot about their darling escaping for over a week and is finally letting her guard down. Maybe while at the store the two yanderes finally find her. (Maybe the punishment that ensues afterward). Female quirkless reader if you will. Keep up the amazing work!”

a/n: im sorry this took so long! i have a lot of requests that are really time consuming along with my other fics right now but i swear everything that’s sent in so far will be completed. And thank you anon! I actually really like this pairing so i’m glad people are asking more of it :)

_____

Isolation      (2.3k words)

_____

One week.

Seven whole days without the smothering presence of the two so called ‘heroes’ who’d delusionally kept you under lock and key without rest.

The smiles and reassuring sentiments they offered did little to calm the fear you had for the men. No matter how much they declared their devotion to your safety and general well being, nothing could hide the undenying brutality they were capable of should you ever slip up.

You’d seen them in action before. On the news or in a social media coverage―during the time prior to meeting them―demonstrating the extent of their quirks. Their personalities were so gentle, almost as if to distract from the severeness of their abilities. And for the general public, it did the trick.

It did it for you too.

The warmth to their compassion was irresistible. The worst part about it was how genuine it was―and still is. You would be gladly basking in their affection even in the present if it weren’t for the predicament they’d placed you in after you ever so foolishly opened up to them.

The realization on their end should’ve been nothing to think twice about. It came in an idle conversation one day―the fact that you were quirkless.

They’d already grown fairly protective of you since that fateful day in which they worked together to rescue you and your coworkers from a hostage situation. But after getting to know you more, and subsequently coming across this detail, the change was like day and night.

You didn’t even see it coming. Waking up in an unfamiliar room, wrists cuffed together with a long metal chain attached, padlocked to the headboard of a king sized bed. When you found out who the guilty party of this transgression was, you knew better than to fight tooth and nail despite everything in your being wanting to.

No, it was about outsmarting them. They were stronger―so much stronger. You wouldn’t stand a chance against one, let alone both Mirio and Tamaki. It came down to biding your time.

Fighting the bile in the back of your throat, you let them have their way. The two of them were smothering.

Mirio was a little more lenient. He spent a lot of time around you, but somewhere in his dysfunctional mind was the notion that you needed your space...sometimes. His downsides came in the form of a tight grip around your frame that threatened to squeeze the air from your chest and keep it out. More than once had it left you pitifully begging him to loosen his hold even in the slightest.

As for Tamaki, he was much gentler with his affection. You were allowed the space to breath, but it didn’t mean much when you could almost never pry the man off of you when he was around. Clingy was an understatement―he treated you more like a pampered pet than an actual human.

Together, they were suffocating. You’d never seen such a display of diligence until being forced into the confines of their home. There left absolutely no room for error on their part―something you became keenly aware of.

So, rather than brute forcing your way to freedom, you resolved to lure them into trust the way they’d done with you.

The ordeal took ages, and your will to go through with your plans was ashamedly growing weaker each day. But finally you’d caught them slipping up under the pretence that you weren’t watching their every move like a hawk.

First it was the passcode to the computer in the living room―to disarm the house’s security system, the cameras along with it. After that it was a matter of getting your hands on the spare keys to the locks, both those around your wrists and the digital ones keeping the front door shut. This feat proved to be significantly harder, but one of them was bound to falter eventually.

You’d never felt so grateful to Mirio as he carelessly left his keys on the side table in the entrance in favour of scooping you up in his arms and settling on the couch with you instead. And he left them there as he quickly went to change out of his work attire in his bedroom―just enough time for you to pry the spares off the metal keyring and pocket them for yourself.

They hated leaving you alone and without supervision, a worry that Tamaki held more than Mirio, so it left the window for escape impossibly small. But you jumped on the opportunity the second it came.

For some ungodly reason neither of them picked up on the missing keys.

Your luck must have been coming to existence all at once, as not soon after they were forced to be apart from you at the same time for particularly demanding hero work―not that you cared.

You’d gone over the plan in your head just about a million times, so when the moment finally came your body acted without pause.

The cuffs fell from your wrists. The computer was unlocked and the failsafes were shut down. A backpack was shoved with supplies―clothing, money, food―and then the front door was opened. You stepped outside for the first time in months, you’d lost track of how many.

From then on it was just about running, putting as much distance in between you and that dreaded house as possible. When you finally reached the city, you didn’t even bother going to the police. They wouldn’t believe you, not when it came to two of the most upstanding young heroes out there.

Instead you went to the nearest train station, purchasing a ticket for whichever one was next for departure.

You did that a few more times in whichever town you were dropped off at until you reached the limit for how much money you were willing to spend on traveling. Now it was about holing up in some cheap motel until you could scrounge up the cash elsewhere to keep distancing yourself.

By the end of your first week you were still left with the same sum of money as you were when you got there. The weight of your fear was enough to keep you inside. But you couldn’t live off of overpriced room service and the remaining energy bars from that glorified prison forever.

As much as the prospect of leaving the safety of your room terrified you, the thought of starving to death wasn’t any more appealing. You weren’t hungry yet, but the food would only last for another day―maybe less. It was regrettably the most rational option, should you not want to run out of the little money you had.

It was supposed to be quick. There was a convenience store just ten minutes from the motel. You would grab the cheapest options there and make a beeline back to the dingy building you were stationed in.

You felt their presence before you saw them.

A large, strong arm snaked around your waist, pulling you back into a broad chest. Mirio.

And then came the visual confirmation in the form of Tamaki walking out to stand in front of you―too closely for your comfort.

“What’s our little angel doing all the way out here?” Mirio’s voice was lighthearted, but you could hear the distinct lowness, threatening.

You couldn’t move, frozen in place by gut wrenching fear.

Tamaki took both your hands in his own, a grip that could crush bones if he applied even a little more pressure. “Do you know how long it took us to find you? I-I thought―”

“But she’s here now, right? And because she knows what’s best for her she’ll be good and come home with us.” His voice was near centimeters from your ear, sending a shiver up and down your spine.

You didn’t wait this long to be free from them to just give up so easily.

“I’m not going back.”

Mirio gave your hip a small squeeze, a nonverbal warning followed by the real thing. “You know we’d never hurt you baby. Not unless you forced us.”

“B-but we’re not against hurting the people in this store. They’d never find out it was us and you know that.”

Of course, they were too smart to leave a trail back to them, or back to you. And in an instant that strong defiance you once held vanished into thin air, replaced with pure dread.

“P-please don’t do this. You don’t need to do that, just―”

“That’s right, sunshine. We don’t need to hurt anyone. We just need you to come home, you can do that for us, right?”

Like you had a choice.

The blond was already pulling you towards to exit before you could respond. Tamaki hadn’t let go of his death grip either, and you weren’t about to fight him.

Instead you kept your eyes trained on the ground, head hung as if even looking at another person might have them thinking you were about to ask for help. Tears were silently falling from your eyes as they led you back to their car parked outside the convenience store.

“We’re so glad you’re okay sweetheart. You know how dangerous it can be without us to protect you.”

Tamaki was silent as he opened the back door for you, his partner doing all the talking.

The town you were in felt abandoned, especially now that you were off to the side parking lot of the rundown store. So there was nobody to witness the two men carting you off to that wretched place they called your home.

Nobody to witness when the blonde behind you covered your face in a white rag that was alarmingly sweet-smelling.

The ride home would be long, he said. No need to put you through any more stress today.

Before you knew it your limbs grew heavy, brain muddled with inescapable exhaustion. They didn’t even give you the chance to argue over the matter, but then again, it’s nothing they hadn’t done before.

_____

It was cold―so undeniably cold.

The concrete left your body aching when you came to. Your clothing had been replaced with shorts and a tank top―showing that they were still generous enough not to leave you completely defenceless.

You were in a room you didn’t recognize, questioning whether or not the two even brought you back. It was barren: grey walls, a bucket in the corner, illuminated by a single ceiling light that you couldn’t locate the switch to. Lastly, there was the heavy metal door that served as the only exit to the suffocatingly small enclosure.

And there was no handle, or observable locks.

The only sound was that of your own heartbeat as the thudding grew more intense with each passing second.

It stayed like that for ages. Left with the company of your own mind, the isolation began eating away at you quicker than you could’ve ever anticipated.

At this point you assumed this was how they were choosing to deal with your behaviour, but the absence of that clarification was worse than the initial shock by far. It made you paranoid.

Not even the hunger eating away at your stomach was enough to distract you.

Or the extreme drought in your mouth from dehydration.

Or the sharp pain in your tailbone from having remained unmoving from your spot in the corner.

When the sound of footsteps finally could be heard leading up to the doorway, you almost thought that you were hearing things.

The lock shifted in the metal compartments, echoing off the walls.

You would’ve stood up to greet whoever was behind the doors, but the pain that was spreading down your back, coupled with the sensation of your lower limbs falling asleep long ago prevented this.

The door creaked open, and you hated that you felt an ounce of gratitude to see that it was in fact Mirio and Takami who’d put you in this god forsaken room.

The blond started forward ever so slightly while his counterpart remained at the frame of the doorway.

You still feared the men, even though they’d done nothing to physically hurt you―at least until now. So you remained huddled in the corner, arms wrapped defensively around your legs as Mirio stalked over to your form, crouching down at your side.

“You know why you're down here, right?” A rhetorical question, all three of you knew the situation well.

“We don’t want to do this, but you need to learn you can’t just run off like that.” Tamaki’s voice was quiet, like he hated locking you up more than you hated being locked up.

Out of habit you kept your mouth shut. You’d held out for this long while still retaining your sanity, what was a little longer?

“This isn’t a punishment, sunshine. It’s more like...a lesson. You’ll stay here for a bit so you can learn that what you did was wrong, okay?” He reached out and patted your head, as if that would make you feel any better.

It baffled you how he could keep a smile even when subjecting you to such inhumane conditions. But you chalked it up to insanity as clearly neither he nor Tamaki had an ounce of an idea of how wrong this was.

There was a long moment of silence, the two likely waiting for a response which you had none to give. You couldn’t fight them, or talk them out of their plans.

You should’ve ran farther.

The blond stood up from his crouched position, walking back over to his partner.

“We’ll be back in a few hours so you can eat, don’t miss us too much!” Joyful as ever, Mirio led his partner out of room, motioning to close the door before pausing.

“Just know that we love you, okay? We’re doing this for you.”

You could just barely hear Tamaki’s voice before the door slowly closed shut. There was the sound of the locks once again, falling into place.

And then the lights went out.

But you told yourself that you would get through this. You had to.

Because you were scared of what would become of you if you started to enjoy their affection.

#yandere bnha #yandere mirio #yandere tamaki #yandere mirio togata #yandere tamaki amajiki #yandere my hero academia #yandere lemillion #yandere suneater

[nerdygaymormon]

Do you know if any other LGBTQ+ Mormon tumblrs? Specifically, bisexual would be nice.

I worry a bit in answering this because there’s going to be blogs I should’ve remembered and they might wonder why I didn’t include them. So anyone reading this and not seeing your blog listed, just know I couldn’t include everyone and I chose a variety to help @boxofcards begin the process of finding more of you

@mormonmonastery is not queer but is an ally and often has brilliant insights into the gospel 

@j-the-latter-gay-saint is gay and in his mid-20's. Posts lots of interesting things 

@bisexualmasterpiece is good. they reblog a lot of great stuff, and they're worth sending a DM to get to know 

@latter-ace-saint is an ace member, and I’m glad he’s here so there’s at least one person in #queerstake who is older than me (hahaha)

@latter-day-saint-nick is a trans member of the church 

@dragonsspire is lesbian and ace (if I remember correctly). She is super caring but is feisty and will take on people she thinks are bullying her friends or people the bullies think are weaker than them  

@peacebeuntothysoul they post mostly calm and uplifting messages for queer LDS people 

@the-mormon-blog I think they're a college student in Rexburg ID. good person, reblogs some great stuff 

@jackednephi is really great and they're poly, I think bi or pan (I should know this)

@latterdaybi is in her mid-20's and bi and lives in UT 

@lovethyqueers is christian and posts really lovely things for queer christians 

@closetmormon isn't in the closet anymore, but remains anonymous on this blog so they can share their honest feelings & struggles with being a gay mormon and some of the things that happen in their life as a result 

@nottskyler is a thinker and is trans. they often will reblog things and add really insightful comments, in addition to posting their own stuff. Lately they’ve been posting a lot about what they learn from the Come Follow Me studying 

@transgenderdaysaint posts good stuff 

@im-mormon-and-not-straight I don't know much about them, but I follow them because they reblog great stuff 

@agaylatterdaysaint I like that they are open about their feelings & thoughts about being a gay member 

@brothermouse is a bi mormon, love their blog because they often put funny things that are still related to being queer, LDS, or both 

@loveerran is new to Tumblr and is trans. I recommend everyone reading her “About Me” section

@the-les-called-bean is a lesbian teen who is in that phase of learning a lot and their life is changing

@the-enemys-gate-is-down is a queer Mormon

@bi-cacti is a bi blogger

@liahonagirl I’m sorry to not remember in what way this blogger is queer, but she posts a nice mix of things

And there’s many more. Hopefully some of them will comment and add themselves to this list

[yamagucji]

a series of thank you’s i’ve been meaning to give for a while now. please note i couldn’t get everyone bc im smol brained and im forgetful :(( also its vedy long so i added a readmore link but if it’s okay then i can remove it!

i would’ve preferred to go to your inboxes/dm’s but im scared t🤢umblrs going to glitch on me if i do it again a ha ha

@doublemoons

i remember you sent in my first ever request and i was SO happy like🥺 my account had no visibility on week 1 but then you somehow found my blog and since then you’ve been supporting me. i love the aesthetic of your blog and i always look forward to your rb’s because they so cute and insightful !! ik we haven’t talked much but i definitely perceive u as a gentle person here’s 1k hearts for you and you only <3

@insanityqueen

please i was *intense squealing* and *happy noises* when you said you wanted to be mutuals :’) im definitely uhhh way too immature for u but you still stick with all the caps and !!! i send you😭 you’re such an interesting, talented person. day 1 you got me HOOKED with your art and im gonna say this again,, i have never seen skin look soo s o f t painted. im really grateful for your company and all your cats and the hinata art you made me🥺 i am not still thirsting over it i swear and then you sent me pieces of your writing and i def expected hc’s but then BOOM🧍‍♀️ im so amazed by your writing. also you are vv pretty i hope you know that

@zephyrria

matching heart memes matching heart memes😾 i don’t talk to you as much but our main form of communication is literally exchanging heart memes w/o a word,,, if that isn’t true love idk what is :// anyway i love our little convos so much it always brightens my day! and omg lets not forget when you made me a drabble back😳 like wha- HUH !! i was so touched i rlly went boom boom woosh bc no ones ever written me one back and i!! that yamaguchi gives me so much comfort. you give me sm comfort, thank you bub <3

@beanst0ck

hehe my first tumblr crush😼 as soon as i deactivated my reading account to my a writing blog i was like “ok bean is on my top to-follow list” like i thought you were so cool and i was vv shy to interact with you🥺 and YOU STILL ARE COOL!! your works are really amazing and i am vv much still in love w my matchup w suga :’)

@killuababie

HHHH GRR BORK BORK I LUB U B NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BHH💓✨ bro,,,, when we switched over to insta it was WILD like— our sense of humor? matched. immaculate. please i love seeing all the memes u send me it makes my day so much like u don’t understand😭 and our convos really go chaos sometimes gkfjdj i love it. u need to pull up and play among us w me sometime 😡

@bewwybun

m-my first spouse🥺 even tho it was a joke the first time and i said sike fkdjdjdj but you still accepted my dino chimken nuggie ring hehe <3 bub your are literally the CUTEST HHHHH LIKE,,, cuteness overload !!! i love talking to you sm and our little exchange of heart memes make the butterflies in my tummy go ✨

@mei-writes

may🥺 imy bub i hope you’re doing well and taking good care of yourself. still very grateful for that time you pulled through to check which of my links weren’t working. and there’s a LOT. like the fact that you took time out of your day for me still baffles me. anyway im lomve you ik we don’t talk as much but you’re still a valued moot to me. im offering u free headpats hehe

@kozsma

hi maria👉👈 you’re so wonderful and rlly amazing w your smaus. absolutely smitten over our chaotic conversations fkfjd we haven’t talked in a while but if you see this just know that i’m here for you <3 take some self care okay? hope you’re doing good bub

@tsukkeisimp

dalia, you wondering being💞 please what did i do to deserve your love >;( we don’t talk much but we have exchanged heart memes before and you’re always out here supporting me whenever you can and like!! tysm bub. i hope you’re feeling better from the last time we interacted, and please do take good care of yourself!

@satorispup

can’t believe you made a reputation of having a piss kink. what power. what energy >>> anyway it’s fun seeing your chaotic energy on my feed/tl. sometimes i won’t even look at the user and say yeah💔 that’s hero alright gkfjdj also you’re so cute what the heck😡😡

@tobiokvgs

[ insert 100 hearts ] this for u bub. im still going crazy over your tsukki lipbalm piece like i was so FLUSTERED you really did that huh😭 you’re so nice and sweet, ty for giving me headbonks as well im really glad to get them😌 hope you have an amazing day bub, and take care!!

@bunnyuuji

cutecutecutest bean ever🥺 you have such wonderful works and im truly in love with your writing😌 also you’re so SWEET WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE U GKFJDJ literally you weren’t obligated to stop by my ask and check in but u did >:(

@yanderepunkin

hehe ik we haven’t interacted in such a long time but im including you!! bc i appreciate you!! i know you’ve supported me a lot especially when i just started this blog and im really thankful for it. also uhhh im still not over accidentally turning off anon when i was- yeah😿 i wish you all the love in the world, and please do take gentle care of yourself 💓

@ahkaahshi

frannn👁👁🤲 yes im gonna start with how big brained you are. your passion for textiles and improving the environment is vv cool to me. and then there’s the fact you write these hq characters so well. yes i am absolutely still living for your character analysis. i am thriving off of them!! here’s me manifesting kita and/or sakusa to show up in your dreams hehe

@sachirou-senpai

i hope you dont mind me sending u stuff every now and then! anyway im in awe of your writing and art skills. you brought a realistic yamaguchi and i ascended😳 i genuinely think you’re such a cool person but also please take breaks!! ik it’s such an overused phrase but i genuinely mean it. i care u <3

@kenmakodzu

you’re so sweet and you do really be sending me back some heart memes😳 i go BOOM BOOM yaya that’s more to my collection;) also you and your hq anon interactions go WILD omg it really does make my day more interesting whenever i see them😂 also i do be seeing some of ur chaotic energy on my dash and i am HERE for it

@tsukkisbean

hemlo clara🥺 d-do you remember me gkdjshsjs i think its been a while since we interacted. you’re so sweet and AHH lmao did u know we were in a poly with wiss😔💔 yeah❤️ n e way i hope you’ve been alright these past few weeks, and if not, please get some break!

@atsunflower

miya twin supremacy😡 can’t believe you made me swerve over to osamu’s lane because of your amazing writing. how could you. the mf audacity. i rlly do fell in love with that piece do so THAMK U and that also goes for the support you’ve given me💗

@lespaghetti

ozzy👁👁🤝 ngl our conversations have been top tier im glad i got to uhmm,,, get some of these *thoughts* out of my head. you’re such a sweet little bean!!! that art/sketch you did with the purple (?) themed uniforms was really cute. im glad to have u as my moot and *cough* my vip reader *cough*

@sleepykarabou

our heart meme streak was strong until school happened😔 but i really enjoy them tho!! it’s very calming talking to you (fun, but also vv calming idk that’s how i feel) loving the brainrots we give each other of our favs from time to time :’) also omg OSRRY im barely active in the server please spare me😿 im lomve u

@nerdybreadcollaborative

gee!! AHHHH KGFJJD GRRR u sweet bean oh my goodness. where do i start- ??? i’ve already gushed so much abt your writing but here we go again; i love your writing so much and your attention to the little details is so great. they flow so well and i hope u get more visibility bc it’s what u deserve!! also please take care of yourself and don’t work too much u nerdy bean

@nishinoya-is-baby

ely my plant kinnie, my spouse (?) and also the blog that i dump my h word thots on😭❤️ ahhh im lomve you, you’re amazing. from your writing, to your makeup skills, and your room, the talent really ✨jumped out✨thank you for supporting me so much, i genuinely appreciate it. i hope we can stay moots despite me being busy gkfjdj anyway take care bbie don’t work too much okay?

@art0saurus

TATE😤 the amount of hq brainrot you’ve fed me is astronomical. idk how you keep coming up with such good ideas but im all for them!! i love your writing so much and the plots are so *chefs kiss* (yes im still gushing over mermaid!bokuto). thank you so much for sending some bits of positivity into my life, im really grateful for it :’)

@dorkyhaikyu

EL!😼 you sweet bean. wish i could bombard ur asks but school is saying no </3 you’re such a sweet mutual and your writing is absolutely amazing. still kinda hurt over that angst u made💔 but anyway i loved it sm. also please wear safer shoes next time on big events so u dont get any more BLISTERS kgjdjdh jkjk

@chickenwingspiker

nashnashnash🥺👉👈 wth you’re so cute and even cuter with the little emoticons u put in my asks. i really appreciate you taking time out of your day to check in on me. i think your works are really heckin cool, im still very into that sock agenda one and the akaashi fic AHH i love them sm. i hope that u have better experiences with online learning and i really wish you all the best on ur art journey <3

@miyastrology

did u forget abt our walk to the strawberry field😿 jkjk heyyy atlas!! im lomve your theme and your writing. i have the urge to say you’re as sweet as strawberry bc im unoriginal like that💔 let’s just pretend i put something kute :’( n e way u are vv cute, make sure to take care of yourself ok!!

@derpeedoo

your rb’s and comments on ppl works... i just... my heart is full. im complete. i go absolute doki doki for you. you’re such a genuine person and you give people so much love❤️ here’s an unlimited supply of my love to you bc you deserve it. ty for all the cute questions btw🥺

🕊 anon - still wondering if ur one of my already-moots or not😳 but anyway dove anon i have a lot to say,,, like how ?? do u go “ok let’s check in on aaron today hehe” like am i interesting??😭 i feel kinda bad ngl you really don’t have to talk to me. but nevertheless im really appreciate of all the support you’ve given me. i genuinely think you’re a cool person and you do all these fun stuff like photography which is amazing. here’s the biggest THANK YOU i could ever give <3 ps. your art is CUTE and AMAZING @bee-kins

@simping-for-tendou

do i??? spam your feed??😭 you’re always liking my posts and i feel so sorry for spamming but also vv appreciate of all the interaction i’ve had with you!! im very glad i got to ask you qotd and stuff because i got to know that you like plants as well!! thank you for sharing plant facts with me, it really made my day. i genuinely think you’re such an awesome and big brained person for knowing all those facts🥺👉👈

@wissaaltje

ngl i was very intimated by you bc of all your angst and really good works which is probably why i never reached out to you sooner😿 ur my uhhh third spouse <3 but anyway your CHAOTIC ENERGY is thru the roof i love that sm and your writing is so mf beautiful i wish more people got to see it😡 i will gib you flower soup and muddy pie to make you feel better ;) jkjk but you’re very amazing and i hope you know that!

@smolbludandelions

hehe you’re in here😼 thank you ???? for supporting me even tho you’re not obligated??? like wh- i- bub🥺🤲 you have all my heart and i rlly rlyy want to stop by your inbox and give you heart memes but me why >;( i hope you have the most amazing day(s) of your life because you deserve it SO much.

@tadashi-simp

FINALLY someone i can simp over yamaguchi with😭 ik we haven’t talked much but AH i love the conversations we’ve had so far and all that insight you gave me about the new wanda film (truly a blessing bc i was so genuinely confused gkfjdj).

@oikaw-ugh

just. JOLLIBEE. can’t believe one of our first interactions was u sending me chain mail smfh i cannot believe you😭 anyway po i appreciate you so much na kaka tawa ako sa mga msgs mo and all the good vibes u radiate. mag bisaya unta ko nimi pero baka mag nosebleed ako😿 im losing my native languages it’s not even funny anymore but when i got to talk to u in my mother tongue, i felt a bit more at home. thank you bub <3

@makemealive

hihi👉👈 idrk what we first talked about, i think it was spending vacation in the galapagos islands??😭 riding turtles??? what a great way to start our friendship :’) i rlly think you’re cool and i just,,,, admire u from afar- yeah. sorry this message is too chaotic but anyway u might not have a green thumb but look at you growing potatoes accidentally😌 anyway i think you’re cool i just haven’t said it before because im s Hy

@lostsealscreams

seal, bub, i genuinely care about you. you’re such a sweet person. i know we haven’t interacted much but im looking forward to more conversations with you!! please find little fun things to do... maybe do some self appropriation if you can, bc you deserve it. maybe even treat yourself... or any self care tasks that make you feel better. i care about you a lot, im just an ask/dm away if you wanna talk about anything at all💕💞✨

@hqgardenia - jkjk this is my spam account idk why i put this here but here probably bc im dumb as fuck

#cupid; talks! #queuepid

[dumbasswhatever]

I'm back! :D ... At first, I've been super stressed and anxious about the gender crisis but now that I know that there are people who will always accept and support me, I don't give a fuck anymore. Gender is complicated and half of the time I'm sure that I don't have one.😂 Coming to terms with the fact that I might be poly was very hard and complicated. You see, there I was, having a wonderful girlfriend. I was totally happy and in love with her. Then one day, I look at a friend and wonder whether my feelings for them are only platonic or not. But what about my wonderful girlfriend? I wanted to ignore that I might be poly, but I couldn't. And so I did the most scaring thing in the world and told my girlfriend. She's super accepting and supportive though, so I shouldn't have worried too much about it... Anyway, when my niece was a baby, she couldn't pronounce words with an 'r' in it right. That was fun because my name has an 'r' in it. I won't tell you my name now but if my name was, I don't know, let's say Laura, she'd say Lauha. She made 'h's out of the 'r's. We also had a time where she called me by my middle name. I'm not 100% sure why we did that but I think it might have been because I didn't want her to call me 'Aunt' because I was also only a child. (I was 8 when she was born.)... I don't know why I've been depressed lately. I just am. And I'm always super tired... Anyway, it's really cold today. How's the weather where you live?... I feel like I've given too much information for one ask. I'm sorry that it got so long... Here's some more flowers for you: 💐🌸💮🌻🌹🌼💐🌸🥀💮🌸🌸💐🌹🌼🌼💮🥀🌻🌸💮🌸🌼🌻🥀🌸💮🌸🌹💐🌸💐🌸🌼🌸💮🌹🌸🌼🌹💮🌹💐🥀🌻🌸🌼🌸🌻🌹 I hope you're doing great! (the great and honorable crush anon💜)

honestly gender is just like.........nah. idk her. im a silly little boy and a catgirl and a rascal and an idiot all at once. but yeah, things got a lot easier for me once i messaged my sister telling her that i realized i was nonbinary, and she responded with “oh pog. want me to use different pronouns?” like...the fact that she was supportive but didnt make it a huge deal really helped, and i’ve managed to tell my mom and dad as well, and i’ve recently begun correcting my mom whenever she calls me a girl or a woman. :D im so glad that you’ve been able to accept that gender is a FUCK and that your girlfriend accepted you for being poly :D

ashdakl i was 19 when my niece was born, and at first i didnt want her calling me aunt bc i felt like i was too young for it, but as it turns out, im a complete pushover when it comes to her. she called me “auntie” and i went “yes yes im auntie yoostice :D” like a chump. 

sometimes the depression just...hits. no rhyme or reason. im sorry. but i’ve had some extra energy today, i’m sending some your way.

the weather here is...coolish? its about 64 degrees F (about 18 degrees C) right now. im treasuring this coolness before it becomes absolutely sweltering

anyways, i’ve been....uh.................today i started writing a fic about klavier trying to figure out who sent him a love letter. its unrelated to you, i promise askjhdklajna it’s just a goofy fic and i’m having fun writing it, so i’m having a good day, and i hope you are too

[catboyithaqua]

Ramuda and Doppo :0

OH MY BOYS LETS GO

Under a cut bc long

Ramuda Amemura

First impression

Baby boy baby. Very cute and sweet i love characters with ramudas aesthetic i tend to want to protect them, especially since its an aesthetic that i fall into myself and lo v e so kseidjsnfn YEAH this man is baby!!!

Impression now

Ohhh my god i love this man i love the way he is characterised he is so incredibly interesting as a character and tbh so realistic and honestly i adore him!!! I alarmingly see a lot of myself in him tbh, were incredibly similar and that isnt necessarily a good thing!! But still i love this man

Favorite moment

Oh man where tf do i BEGIN there are so many ngl, but mostly all of the moments where we see ramuda's humanity. There is still a sweetness left under the darkness, there is still a man who wants to cling onto everything he has - his emotion, his internal battles, his morality vs his desperate need to survive - oh fucking man so much.

Idea for a story

CAN WE FUCKING. HAVE RAMUDA TALK HIS SHIT OUT PLEASE can we just have others actively helping ramuda cAN THIS MAN PLEASE BE SHOWN THAT ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR HIM,,, PLEASE,, i just want ramuda to finally talk out everything and have people on his side. Please.

Unpopular opinion

This probs isnt unpopular by any means, but idk what else to put here so take this:

I dont really see it often discussed that yknow ramuda is an abuse victim. Like, its very clear that chuokhu uses and abuses him, and his life is constantly being hung over his head. No wonder the dude is doing anything he can in order to survive, he has no choice in that regard. Before i get told this in the notes yes i know this doesnt excuse the things hes done!!! But tbh i really think that like the trauma that ramuda is living with kinda needs to be addressed.

Favorite relationship

I am a huge multishipper and have found a way to ship ramuda w just about most people (that are adults and not in chuokhu lol) so this is pretty tough

Id say either fling poly or jkrm and these are my reasons lets go:

Fling poly: HAVE YOU S E E N THEM do i really need to say more here all three of them have such good chemistry together, theyre all clearly on the same wavelength and have such a wonderful dynamic,,, they found out about the clones and shit and they STILL chose to protect ramuda and to fight for him and with him and to stay by his side aND BLACK JOURNEY TOO I-- IM GONNA START SOBBING,,,

Jakuramu: this one is not based on canon too much i am sorry this is mostly hc but i am a huge sucker for enemies to lovers ok also, i feel like out of TDD these two would be the ones to reconcile. After all, jakurai is a rather empathetic man and he probably would def understand the situation that ramuda was in. After all this dude was an ex assassin, if ramuda was to tell him everything, im sure that he would be able to relate to yknow the time he took others' lives, people with families and friends that he killed because he was ordered to and most likely had no other choice. Of course, jakurai is well within his right to not forgive ramuda for what happened to yotsutsuji, but i feel like he would and would help him get out of the situation hes in,,, and also im soft for the TDD era ok like how jakurai WANTED TO KNOW THE REAL RAMUDA AND LIKE,,, even when ramuda snapped at him he was GLAD HE WANTSD TO KNOW HIM FUCK MAN,,, i just really like these two ok

Favorite headcanon

I have quite a lot of hcs! Here are a few and like some explanation as to why:

- hes trans - i personally believe this bc personally itd make sense. Ramuda has a very feminine appearance and build, those that are like typically common in asian countries. As well as that, he has his own autonomy unlike the other clones. It wouldnt surprise me if chuokhu orignally wanted to make a girl to keep the other divisions in check, but when he decided personally that he didnt want to be such a way, they said sure, more room for us to treat you as we want to. Hes got money, getting T wouldnt be that difficult for him either, so thats why his voice is. That way fiaudjsnfnd anyway i think it makes sense!! Idk--

- he has bpd - projection probably but the biggest inspiration for this headcanon is how he is emotionally. His swings are violent - he feels and expresses such a diverse range of emotions and its so easy for him to change his emotional disposition - whilst also mostly feeling totally empty. Relationship wise also, given how he was genuinely really close to jakurai and then completely splitting on him, h a t i n g him. Yeah that sounds like bpd to me chief i know i have it!!! Theres more ik there is but i cant pull up examples rn

- hes neurodivergent - again mostly projection honestly and like there isnt much of a canon basis in his behaviour, just little things, but i like to personally hc that aside from eating candy to stay alive duh, that he chooses lollipops bc they serve as a sort of stim?? Also ik that fashion is his job but hes also so so clearly passionate about it that its a special interest for him, and thats partially why he took it up as a job in the first place, so he could do something related to his special interest lol. Idk i know there isnt any basis for this but just let me have autistic ramuda iaiesjdnsnfn

Doppo Kanonzaka

First impression

Now THATS what i call a tired mf!!! This dude has yves saint laurent eyebags also he really reminds me of aggretsuko somehow??? Im really not sure what it is

Impression now

Yeah i was def right with the aggretsuko comparison siaishsnshfb BUT I LOVEEE HIM i love him very much and i think this man really needs a break and is also very relateable i love

Favorite moment

As much as i love fp i absolutely adore the badass koments that doppo has including when he absolutely fucking obliterated fling posse sksjxnxncn also!! All of his little moments with hifumi i genuinely enjoy their dynamic its so cute

Idea for a story

Honestly i wanna see him slowly recover from the teauma that he has experienced because this king absolutely deserves it, and also from a practical point of view itd make this mf s t r o n g e r i also just.... long to see doppo happy honestly he deserves to smile!!

Unpopular opinion

I dont really have an unpopular opinion but saving like leaving this blank: as much as i absolutely adore jakurai and hifumi and their music (jakurai is my fave out of every hypmic character and i WILL drive this home), to me doppo just has the best music. Like, i love tigridia and BLACK OR WHITE so fucking much its absolutely unreal and all of doppos verses in every song are juust so fucking good. As much as i listen to you are, therefore i am on repeat every day of my life doppos music is just the best ✨

Favorite relationship

Again i am a huge multishipping bitch and i habe a few ships with doppo but in ahll honesty my fave is very clear - i absolutely adore his dynamic with matenrou as a whole and especially hifumi - his relationship with hifumi is clearly so special and it really shows how strong their friendship is, and in a ship sense i find it to be realy cute bc theres such a clear need for each other and that even if they clearly come at odds sometimes, at the end of the days theyre still clearly so close and i just,,, god doppo reallt deserves someone like hifumi in his life and im so glad that he has it!!!!

Favorite headcanon

Honestly i dont really think i have too many for doppo but given his general demeanor and his attitude, i personally hc him as demi. Yeah i know that sexualities dont have like typical personalities and such but i feel like given his anxieties around new people and how he clearly only really sticks to those that hes very close with, it makes more sense for him to be demi than any other sexuality to be quite honest - and this is also just pushing my hifudo agenda aiqiauansnssn but yknow!!!!

#im sorry this took me so long thanks for the ask!!! #hypmic

[wodnes--coyotl]

long personal post apologies to anyone on mobile, just...scroll on by...

---

There’s so many things............I wanted to achieve in 2020, which is I’m sure what everyone has said. Somehow I still think 2017 was worse, but .... I don’t know. I was really alone then. I almost lost both my parents, this year I was safe with a better job, good partner, and only lost one (at least I got to see her once in a decade to say goodbye)....ultimately this brought me to heathenism in a weird and roundabout way. It’s hard to know she was really walking around with this poorly depicted Viking nonsense ‘false odin’ with cerberus (why?) going on, lord, she would’ve hated left heathens BUT ALSO wasn’t even a pagan to begin with (so she says, but being a pentecostal and having psychosis, while this does not a pagan make, made for a quite magickal and brutal experience). my mother was a trickster entity in living flesh. at first, i learned into having guides for the first time. i wondered if it was a coping mechanism, but i shrugged, because it was not my intention to see the numbers repeating, or the ‘loki’ every..single..day..for a week... in the weirdest fucking places... it was not my intention to lose my best friends in this city (which is not my final destination, ha) because they were too busy having poly drama, to, idk, support their friend, and then ghosted me, or came up with some weird passive aggressive bullshit. it totally dominated my 2020 - the pandemic, then mom dying, then the deities, then the loss. my card of the year was the hermit, i thought that was such a joke considering the pandemic. how could that then apply to me more personally? I haven’t had time or space mentally to recount the beautiful parts of the year because we’ve been stuck inside, inside during riots, inside during west coast smoke hell, inside where the spiders are. astoria was beautiful. it was god given. i knew what was real was real that day. it’s been seven months since mom passed, and i know her spirit has contacted me. it has brought me closer to my own spirituality which was accidentally rampant chaos magick that i was unaware of - introduced to me by ten years of tricksters who I never quite recognized. at the altar, id pull cards, i began to learn runes, and id ask, “were you always there? was that the presence that was always there?” I don’t know, much of the paranoid presence I felt my whole life ended when mom died. so much ended. i still want to write about it. again and again. because i forget that it happened, i compressed it so far back. everyone walked away and all that remained was my partner and the unseen. i would get straight answers on the altar, but never for that question. i never understood, and still hardly do, why loki came - was it to console me after the passing of my mother? somehow a veil had been lifted and my already wack ass intuition became 25% greater, somehow i felt seen and heard by others. at first, i was scared... i had always gravitated unknowingly towards tricksters and mercurial beings, loki came during the week of L*ghnasadh, after I’d been reading abt the ACTUAL “mercury”/hermes.... it was as if to be like, oh, you’re looking to NAME US FINALLY? THIS ENERGY, HERE _______. I was a little sheepish of Odin because of the association..... and I never quite got an answer. Sometimes still, I am struggling to understand this deity, however many a time loud and clear he and Loki have responded within the half-hour, be it some really weird ultra-specific shit to crop up, flickering shit, popping, knocking over. I turn to him frequently as, the more I read, the more I trust... this understanding of inarticulatable parts of myself - when I read about odr I was thinking of what this could mean for me, especially as a trans person, and it moved me. when I think about knowledge, and loss... when I think of the underdog vying that Odin (and of course Loki) represent, it is always with grace and honor that I am glad to be In It. I struggle tho, cos no matter how viscerally real my experiences have been, and no matter how little I would ever wish to disrespect them by denying faith, as a human who has run far from christianity and is skeptical of everything, every day, I’m like, ‘how much can I lean into this? is this ‘weird’ or delusional? am i acting like a child?” but, ..... I have learned from many smart and creative folks of the same ilk that we are not alone and the passage of time cannot destroy old gods so easily, and I am honored to be called to that. 2020.....that is.....to me, the year of death and rebirth. it was the only parting gift mom could give me. as she died, I told her I knew the lord had brought me there. I knew we had made it JUST in time, by many many strokes of good ‘luck’, to see her off. the last day we saw her was the last day she’d ever seen both her children together in her life. of course, she probably hardly recognized me. and she loved my brother more. had spent less time with him. oh lord, she did look at me with burning eyes of distrust and hatred, but that was not her fault. she was so ill. god she was so ill. dad joked, after she died, ‘maybe she’ll finally be in valhalla’, he didnt know what that meant. mom was a ‘devout’ christian woman of “god”. she was no pagan. she did not serve odin. but 2 months later when I discovered them, I heard his words ringing in my head, and I had to laugh. It’s been so hard...losing the queer comrades I had with me because of ? what ? exactly ? I still dn’t know, watching someone I spent 3 years being ‘close’ to basically patronize me that she always had reservations about us, never let me in, or get closer, like real friends, .... id cry and cry thinking, why, did i lose the one figure who brought me into this world, who i never had, for ten years, who abandoned me and hated every ounce of my being, and to confront this NOW in the middle of a pandemic, where i have zero way to the outside world to cope, and then to be left behind AGAIN by SO MANY PEOPLE, i felt Loki’s comforting presence. I’m trying to focus on the future again, that’s what 2021 is giving me. the “year” label, “when mom died” is over. even if that event forever changed my life far beyond that of a normal passing (?) I mean, it’s never normal when a mom dies, much less a woman like her, have mercy, it’s over. 2021 is the “year when we move to los angeles” its the “year when i start a REAL band again instead of be a side piece for a woman who cant get real with herself and her drum machine”, the “year when maybe ill take my adhd meds and hrt” we’re suspended in a stasis, there are big ups and downs. in two weeks i quit my med of 2 years, because it’s causing harm and i actually dont technically need to be on it anymore. im scared and excited. i need the change. i need the CHOICE. 

#personalposting #long post #im SO SORRY IF YR ON MOBILE AND SEE ALL THIS #whatever its my blog ill write if i want to

[dvp95]

quiet on widow’s peak (13)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 4.3k (this chapter), 42.9k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Phil is herded out of the house before he can shower, style his hair, or put in his contacts. As soon as his clothes are finished drying, his parents are pushing him and all of his bags out the door.

“We’ve got someone coming to see the house,” his mum had explained in that half-frantic voice he associates with company arriving. “You’ve got somewhere to be, haven’t you?”

He doesn’t have the gumption to explain that he’s still got hours before he has to be anywhere. Instead, Phil just hoists his bags higher on his shoulders and sets off for the bus stop. The wind isn’t bad today, thank goodness for small mercies, but it still isn’t pleasant to be outside in November. He pushes his floppy, unwashed hair off his forehead and reluctantly sends Dan a message.

It’s still pretty early and Dan might be in class by now, so he doesn’t expect an immediate response. He’s halfway through a Buzzfeed article and leaning against the shaky bus window by the time his phone buzzes.

im omw from class now just meet me at my place

An address follows, close enough to the coffee shop and the Wilkins place for Phil to feel comfortable finding it. He’s not sure how comfortable he is with being in such a small, private place with Dan before spending most of the night with them. He wonders if his brewing feelings and abject confusion surrounding them will be obvious.

Phil bites his lip and taps away from the article. He’s not sure where to start, but he thinks it’s about time that he started looking into gender stuff. He’s lived with PJ for almost two years and been friends with him for longer, but this isn’t something they tend to talk about. Technically, he hadn’t even been told, he’d just picked up on it from conversations around the old Brighton house. PJ isn’t in the closet, but he seems to have the same attitude about his gender identity that Phil has about his sexual identity - it isn’t anyone’s business unless they’re actively pursuing him.

This isn’t about PJ, though. Phil can’t pretend like these bewildered Google searches are in any way an attempt to understand his friend better. This is about Dan.

--

“Dan?”

The girl looks confused enough that Phil thinks he’s gotten the wrong flat for a horrified moment, but then her brow uncreases and she laughs.

“Oh, duh. Sorry, she doesn’t have many people coming to visit.” She waves Phil inside and eyes his bags. “Especially not many that look like they’re moving in. You planning on staying long, mate?”

“Just the night,” Phil says, more or less honestly. His brain is still stuck on the new pronoun. He knows that Dan is fine with any pronouns, and that includes feminine ones, it just feels strange to have someone use the opposite of what most people might assume. “Er, my parents are selling their place and needed my junk out of the way.”

She nods and gestures deeper into the flat. It doesn’t have as many doors as the Brighton house that Phil shares with a rugby team’s worth of people, but it’s still enough to overwhelm him a bit. Seemingly in response to whatever panicked expression finds its way to Phil’s face, the girl laughs. “Winnie’s room is at the end of the hall,” she says. “Her name’s on the door, you can’t miss it.”

“Her name being Winnie,” Phil says slowly.

“That’s what she wants us to call her,” the girl says. There’s an edge to her voice now, a sort of protectiveness that Phil doesn’t know how to respond to.

Phil gives her an uncertain sort of smile and heads down the hallway. The common areas are surprisingly tidy for a student flat, but he still doesn’t feel comfortable there. He finds himself in front of a dark wooden door with a Winnie the Pooh poster stuck to it. It’s not exactly a nameplate, but Phil understands why their flatmate said that.

He knocks lightly, not wanting to disturb the other people who live here and might still be asleep. It’s barely past noon, after all, and Phil remembers what it was like to be a student. Hell, he doesn’t really have a proper sleep schedule now.

“Come in!”

Dan’s room is darker than the rest of the flat, and Phil has to let his eyes adjust for a moment as the door closes behind him. There are blackout curtains over the single window and fairy lights draped over every possible surface, giving the whole place a soft vibe. Phil doesn’t see Dan at first, but then he realises that they’re on the floor with -

“Is that a weasel?” Phil asks without bothering to say hello, dropping his bags carefully. The last thing he wants to do is scare the creature that’s scampering all over Dan’s shoulders and arms.

“Excuse me,” Dan laughs. They hold out the animal for inspection, and Phil joins them on the floor. “This is Tofu, he’s a ferret.”

“Hello, Tofu,” says Phil. He reaches out to gently take the ferret’s paw between his thumb and finger, and he pretends like they’re shaking hands. Dan laughs again, bright and happy, and Phil decides that he really likes seeing Dan in their comfort zone. “It’s very nice to meet you! I’m Phil.”

Tofu makes a squeaking sort of noise and wiggles out of Dan’s hands to roll around on the carpet.

“He’s kind of an idiot,” Dan says fondly. “Pixel is the smart one in this family, but she’s sleeping.”

Phil’s eyes follow Dan’s vague gesture to a surprisingly large, multi-level enclosure. There’s another ferret curled up in there, and Phil assumes that’s Pixel. “Exactly how many weasels do you have?”

“Just the two,” says Dan. They’re smiling so wide that Phil can’t bring himself to look away. Their lips are a dark shade of red, or maybe burgundy, but it’s hard to tell in the low lighting. The dark lines around their eyes are even more shadowed with it, though, and it’s an entrancing sort of effect. “Originally it was just the one, but she got so lonely. I should have gotten an introverted animal, I guess, if I didn’t want multiple, but I didn’t mind. Pixel wanted a buddy, so. Pixel got a buddy.”

“I think even introverts need buddies sometimes,” says Phil.

He’s suddenly so self-conscious about being here in his current state. He’s wearing his trusty denim on denim, which he knows suits him fine, but he’s also got his clunky glasses and can’t remember if he put deodorant on or not. Dan, on the other hand, looks as stunning as always.

That gets even more obvious as they lounge out a bit, uncrossing and stretching their long legs. Their leggings are tight and translucent enough that Phil might find them indecent if there weren’t a short, swishy skirt covering the important bits. When Dan stretches their arms out, too, their unbuttoned flannel falls further open and shows off the cropped band tee underneath.

Most of Dan’s body is covered, really. Only their hands and neck and navel are out, but that’s enough to make Phil’s brain short-circuit. Their hands are distractingly big, but still so gentle when they pick Tofu back up; their neck is long and ends in either a sharp clavicle or a soft, rounded jawline; their tummy is soft like the rest of them and there’s a simple barbell piercing through their belly button that Phil has to force himself to look away from.

“Have you talked to your friends about us going back?” Dan asks, seemingly oblivious to the way Phil is taking them in from head to toe.

“What?” Phil bleats, and then his brain catches up to the conversation before Dan can repeat themself. “Oh, yeah. I texted them about it, and they’re a bit worried, but they’re glad you’re coming along. They were pretty nervous about me doing this alone.”

“PJ said you tend to do stupid shit,” Dan says bluntly. Tofu is climbing up their arms and biting at their hair, but they don’t even react.

“When did PJ say that?”

Dan’s lips curve into a smile. “When he drove me home. We talked about you.”

Normally, a statement like that would make Phil anxious. He still feels it, a bit, that creeping sense of frustration and nervousness that he associates with mild anxiety, but it’s more dull than it would be if Dan wasn’t smiling at him so softly. Something about it makes Phil certain that he’d get an honest answer if he asked what they all said about him.

That certainty and budding trust are enough to keep his loud anxiety at bay, and Phil finds that he doesn’t feel the need to ask.

Instead, he looks around Dan’s room some more. Pixel is still napping soundly, and Phil doesn’t blame her - the room is so quiet and dim and full of pleasing scents from the candles on Dan’s nightstand, Phil can easily imagine curling up somewhere soft in here and nodding off.

The furniture itself is crappy in the way that most students have to deal with, but Dan seems to have an eye for design that Phil has never had. Sure, there’s no bed frame to hold Dan’s mattress, but their duvet matches the monochrome colour scheme of the posters and paintings on the walls, and their pillows look welcoming surrounded by a small collection of stuffed animals. Their desk is organized, but their closet is open and spilling clothes onto the floor a bit. Phil wonders if that’s something Dan had planned on fixing before he got here, or if Dan doesn’t mind having their dresses and jeans and boots on display.

There’s barely any colour at all, really, but it doesn’t feel depressing like Phil would have thought it might.

That’s not exactly true. There’s some colour.

Phil must be looking at the flag on the wall for too long, because Dan makes a humming sort of noise and breaks the comfortable quiet. “I know it’s a bit tacky,” they say, “and it doesn’t match, but… I dunno. I wasn’t able to be out until I got to uni, and I might have gone a bit nuts with it.”

“Yeah,” says Phil. His throat is a bit dry. “I can understand that.”

“It makes me feel safe,” says Dan. Phil turns to look at them again, but he regrets it as soon as he sees the genuine emotion in Dan’s wide eyes. He isn’t good with that. “Like. Knowing I can have it hung here, that I can be open with people without them being upset with me or something. I don’t think the flag itself makes me feel safe? But maybe that’s not true, either. Maybe embracing that part of myself helped me embrace the community as a whole. I haven’t done Pride yet or anything. Maybe next year. But - safety. Comfort. Y’know?”

“I do,” Phil says quietly. “I do know.”

Dan’s eyes go sharp. Phil hasn’t seen them do that before, and it’s unnerving how much it feels like his very soul is under scrutiny. He wants to squirm away from that feeling, doesn’t want any part of himself under a microscope, but he doesn’t want to run like he might normally.

There’s another moment of quiet, where Dan looks at Phil and Phil doesn’t look away, but of course Phil is the first to break.

“Which of those is your favourite?” he asks instead of saying the words he knows Dan is waiting for. He doesn’t want to run, but that doesn’t mean he needs to be more forthcoming. At Dan’s furrowed brow, Phil gestures to the bookshelf. Dan has a lot of books and movies and boxsets and textbooks, more than Phil can take in all at once. “The, uh, the anime. My favourite’s Fullmetal Alchemist. Er, Brotherhood, not the first one, but both are good.”

For a second, it doesn’t seem like Dan is going to allow him to change the subject so easily. But then Tofu bites at their ear and they’re both giggling, the intensity of the moment slinking off to make way for casual conversation.

--

Talking to Dan is easier than talking to some people that Phil has known for years. They put on a show that they’ve both seen and enjoy and they chat the whole time. Phil points out camera and editing choices that Dan hadn’t put much thought to before, and Dan rambles about theories they’d seen on Reddit for so long that Pixel has become Phil’s best friend by the end of it. Dan makes food at some point, their brief absence allowing Phil to look more carefully at the titles on their shelves. They have even more to talk about when Dan gets back, because Phil has a lot of opinions on some of the quote-unquote ‘classics’ that Dan reads and Dan has some opinions on Phil picking the cheese off his sandwich. Phil almost forgets that he’s here for a specific reason, that they aren’t just friends hanging out, until Dan brings out their Polaroid and starts asking questions about what to expect on the haunt.

Phil kind of wishes they could just stay here.

--

Before they left, PJ, Sophie, and Chris had all drawn several Sharpie sigils on a thin piece of scrap fabric and insisted that Phil tie it around his wrist or something. He takes it out of his pocket as he and Dan approach the house.

“Here,” he says, pulling them to a stop and rolling their sleeve up a bit. He ignores their big doe eyes and wraps it around their knobby wrist a couple of times. “Is that too tight?”

“No,” says Dan. They stay still while Phil ties it, and then they raise their hand to inspect it.

“It’s from the gang,” says Phil. “I know it seems like the sigils didn’t help last time, but - well, I dunno. Maybe they did help and it was going to be a lot worse without them. Or maybe they just rubbed off our skin too quickly. But, y’know, I know you don’t believe in this stuff, it just… it makes us feel better. I thought it would be a good placebo for you if nothing else.”

Dan touches the fabric and then smiles, looking for all the world like Phil has given them something precious.

“Thank you,” they say, their voice altogether too sincere for Phil to respond to without some major awkwardness. “What about you?”

“Oh, I’m already wearing my thing,” Phil lies. “C’mon, let’s get inside.”

The thing is, Phil figures Dan is the one who needs protecting from whatever is going on in the Wilkins place. They’re the one who got attacked last time, while Phil only dealt with flickering lights and the feeling of being watched. The last thing he needs is for Dan to insist on coming along again only to get themself hurt again.

He’s not sure if Dan believes him or not, but it doesn’t matter. Phil is already shouldering the back door open. He could climb through the window again with a boost from Dan, but he doesn’t think he has enough upper-body strength to pull Dan up after him.

The kitchen is as dark and dusty as ever, but that smothering, creeping feeling of eyes in the walls isn’t present. Phil stands still for a few seconds, waiting for it to wash over him again, but in the end he’s in the same place he figured he’d be from the beginning - listening to the creaking sounds of a house with absolutely nothing supernatural about it. He’s weirdly disappointed, but he imagines that Dan must be relieved.

He turns to Dan to see what they think, but their eyes are just as wide as they’d been the last time.

“Hey,” Phil says, quiet so as not to disturb the dust. “You feel something?”

“No,” Dan admits. They move closer to Phil, twisting their fingers into the cuff of his jacket and holding tight. It’s sort of sweet how they think he might leave them alone in this house, but it’s also somewhat of a nuisance to have a large person attached to him while he’s trying to move quietly.

“Then what’s wrong? Do you need to leave?”

Dan shakes their head. Their teeth dig into their dark bottom lip, and even though they reapplied their lip product before leaving the house, it still ends up on their teeth a little bit. Phil isn’t sure if he’s supposed to point it out or not. “I don’t need to leave or anything, it’s fine. I’m fine. Coming with you was the whole point. I just don’t… okay. Promise not to laugh at me?”

“I think I promise,” says Phil. He gives Dan a reassuring little smile. “But if you break into song and dance or something I reserve the right to change my mind.”

“Shut up,” Dan says, but they’re giggling. “No, I just… I just don’t like the dark, okay?”

It clearly takes something out of Dan to admit that. Phil shifts his hand so he can squeeze Dan’s. “Nobody really likes the dark,” Phil says. “I mean, it’s kind of my job, so I’m used to it, but I wouldn’t mind being somewhere brightly-lit and clean instead.”

“Thanks.” Dan’s cheeks look a bit darker, but that might just be the low lighting. “You can lead the way.”

--

Nothing happens.

There are spiders and dark corners and once or twice a loud noise from outside makes Dan jump and grab at his hand again, but Phil never feels like anything more is going to happen. The walls don’t have anything behind them except maybe rats, and even the attic simply makes Phil sneeze.

It’s frustrating. It’s almost worse than the night that he put his friends in danger, because at least then he knew that he could have a chance at a decent video. Now, there’s nothing to record.

Phil finds himself wishing for a flickering light or a quick shadow. He wants something, anything, to make him feel like he’s doing something productive with his life.

Instead, he just feels like he’s wading deeper into the confusion and shadows of his own future. He doesn’t know where he’s going to go if he can’t keep going back to the darkness of abandoned houses and old cemeteries. He went to uni, sure, but he hasn’t had a ‘real’ job in his life. Unless a month at the stationery store counts. He’s pretty sure it doesn’t. He wouldn’t even know where to begin with figuring out what he ought to be doing with his life if he isn’t chasing ghosts, but he’s not having fun with this anymore.

He’s twenty-six. It’s not old, he’s not old. He’s got plenty of time to figure his life out.

But if he’s spent the last decade wasting all his free time on something that isn’t enjoyable anymore, then he doesn’t know if he’s going to be able to forgive himself.

Dan is in his personal space again, pressing close to avoid the encroaching darkness, and they smell like… lavender. Phil remembers spice and mint from them, and he wonders if they’re wearing some kind of perfume today. It’s such a feminine scent that it’s hard for him to wrap his mind around the fact that he wants.

Further and further into the waters he goes. He doesn’t know what comes next for any of it, and it’s terrifying.

--

“We could stay all night again,” Phil is protesting, even as Dan frogmarches him down the back steps. “I know we didn’t find anything, but maybe it only works when you’re trying to sleep over? I could -”

“You’ll do nothing,” says Dan. “We are both going home, and I’m seeing you onto the bus so you don’t sneak back without me.”

Phil wants to object, but Dan tightens their grip on his arms like they know exactly what he’s going to say. Besides, it would probably be a lie. Phil is stressed and frustrated and in over his head, and if he could just get one clip or photo of this thing, then maybe everything will be okay. Maybe he can keep doing this after all.

He gently detangles himself from Dan and sighs, hoisting his backpack up. “Fucking… fine.”

“Fucking fine,” Dan repeats, their lips twitching.

“Maybe the sigils worked too well,” says Phil. He keeps his tone level so that Dan won’t be able to tell that he’s joking right away, but Dan shoves at his shoulder like they’re well aware of what he’s doing. “You know, I bet -”

“You’re annoying when you can’t do what you want, huh?” Dan interrupts. Their hands are shoved in their jacket pockets, but Phil wishes they weren’t. He wishes he could brush his hand against theirs as they walk and convince himself that it’s all an accident. “Bet that’s the baby brother in you.”

“No comment.”

The walk to the bus stop is quieter than the last time Dan walked him to it, but it's not uncomfortable. Phil can’t believe how much he cares about this person already. They’re friends, he’s pretty sure, and it’s impossible to deny how much this crush is starting to get to him. Still. It’s new, Dan is new, and Phil has to consider the possibility that the novelty is all he’s feeling.

It’s not. But he has to consider it, because Phil has to consider every possibility before he makes his mind up about anything.

“Hey,” Phil says, careful not to sound like he’s pushing.

“Hi,” says Dan. Phil isn’t looking at them, but he can hear a grin in their voice.

“I was just wondering,” says Phil. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me if it’s a sore spot or anything like that, but. Your flatmate said you were called Winnie. Obviously I know you go by Winnie online, but I didn’t know you did it, uh, outside of cyberspace.”

“Cyberspace,” Dan repeats like they can’t help themself. “Yeah, sometimes. I usually use it like a test.”

“A test?”

Dan hums. Phil wishes, again, that their hands weren’t trapped in the confines of their jacket. “For people I might get closer to. I ask my flatmates to call me something that’s clearly not masculine and see how they react and how often they slip up. Maybe it’s mean, I guess, since I don’t actually care one way or the other, but it’s a lot easier for me to open up to people who have already proven that they’re able to think of me outside of the Daniel box.”

“I can call you Winnie,” Phil offers. “If that’s what you want to be called. And I’m not a complete idiot, I’m sure I could remember to call you Dan when I’m bothering you at work.”

“Planning on bothering me at work some more?” Dan asks. They don’t wait for an answer. “No, I like Dan fine. They’re both fine. They just serve me different purposes, I guess, and I’m not bothered by either of them.”

“I don’t totally get it,” Phil admits. “But I’ll do whatever you want.”

“I know.”

Suddenly, Dan is tangling their long fingers with Phil's. It’s just for a second, long enough for the same sort of reassuring squeeze that Phil gave to them in the Wilkins place, but it makes Phil’s heart jump into his throat.

“You’re, like, overly considerate,” says Dan. They sound like they’re teasing - Phil hopes they’re teasing. He really, really doesn’t want to mess this up.

“I just think you should be able to, like, tell me if I do something wrong.”

Dan laughs. “You’re not getting it. That’s okay, you don’t have to get it. I will tell you if you do something wrong, I just have a really wide range of things I’m indifferent about before you get to the things that matter. Call me a boy or a girl or whatever, I don’t care. Try to imply that my favourite Pokémon is fucking Goldeen, on the other hand -”

They ramble all the way to the stop, and Phil finds himself feeling better despite the fruitless hours of wandering a dusty house.

“This is me,” Phil says as he sees headlights coming down the street towards them.

“Message me tomorrow,” Dan insists. For a moment, they’re both just standing there. Phil has no idea what he’s supposed to do in this situation. Surely a handshake would be weird, but would a hug be weirder? Should he just pat their shoulder, or is that absolutely the creepiest thing he could do? They had both waved, yesterday, so maybe that’s what he ought to do again. His eyes drift to Dan’s mouth. The product is still mostly there, but there are indents where their front teeth have been digging all night that show the natural colour of their lips.

That’s not an option, Phil reminds himself with a little shake. He’s about to keep overthinking it when Dan wraps their arms around him and says something that sounds like a goodnight. They smell good, and they feel good, and the only thing that gets Phil stepping back is the sound of a bus stopping next to them.

“Bye,” he says, quiet. Dan’s smile is almost enough to make him miss this bus and wait for the next one.

#words words words #quiet on widow's peak

[iliumheightnights]

Here Be Dragons | Bellamy Blake x Male Reader

Fandom:The 100

Pairing: Bellamy blake x male reader

Summary: M/N tells Bellamy the stories of dragons and what they mean in grounder culture.

A/N: Oh look! An insert that isn’t star wars or marvel,how refreshing ;). I really love Bellamy,not as much these last 2 seasons,but I still love him! So this takes place in a world where the 2nd Praimfaya never happens so...yay no space or Primes also I just watched Game of Thrones so I was like,dragons. I hope you like it and don’t forget to send in some requests :).

Bellamy walked down the gravel path heading straight for the gates. Some people waved at him and seemed like they wanted to talk but he was on a mission and was not going to stop for anybody. “You off to go see your boyfriend bell?” Anybody but her anyways. Stopping in his place Bellamy turned to look at his sister. Octavia stood there arms crossed with a wicked grin on her face,she knew exactly where her brother was going. Bellamy bit his lip and looked at the ground then back at Octavia,he looked like a kid that had just been caught. 

“Actually,I was about to go on a patrol. You know perimeter sweep.” A lie,but he wasn’t about to let his sister know that. “Besides,even if I was going to see (M/N) that’s my business.”

Octavia’s smirk turned into an even wider smile,as she let out a little laugh. “You totally are about to go see (M/N),and it might be your business but if I recall right you never got off Lincoln's case when we first met.” Bellamy pointed a finger at her. “To be fair he kidnapped you.” Octavia’s mouth gaped open. “He did not! He saved me and you know it!” She punched his arm but only in that sibling banter. “Anyways you should go do your “perimeter” check.” Bellamy turned and started walking away when Octavia called out “Make sure to wear protection!” With that, she turned and walked off leaving Bellamy blushing hard and with one question in his head,where DO you find protection in the apocalypse?

                                                . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

(M/N) stood deep enough in the treeline to watch Arkadia from the distance. After everything Skaikru has done he doesn’t trust them,he only trusts the hand full of good people he’s met from there. One of them being Bellamy. Speaking of Bellamy,(M/N) watched as the man in question walked towards the spot they agreed to meet at. (M/N)’s eyes meeting Bellamy’s,the two embraced in a deep hug both having missed each other.

Taking a step back (M/N) took a breath. “I’ve missed you. I’m glad you were able to get away.” Bellamy smile at (M/N). “I told Octavia I was going on a perimeter check,she knows I lied.”  (M/N) let out a small chuckle,turned around and started walking away. “You’re sister is too clever for her own good. Come on,I want to show you something.”

The two of them walked for what seemed like hours,both catching each other up on what’s been going on in their lives. Bellamy realized that they were no longer in Skaikru or Trikru territory and wondered where they were going,Polis was the other direction so they weren’t going there. “So are you going to tell me where we’re going?” (M/N) looked back at Bellamy and smiled “You’ll see it’s a surprise. Don’t worry we’re almost there.” Continuing their way,both men arrived at the mouth of a cave. (M/N) turned to Bellamy once more and held out his hand. “Take my hand and be quiet,We can’t startle it.” Bellamy took (M/N)’s hand. “What do you mean startle it?” “Sssshhhh”.

(M/N) lead Bellamy through the cave. Luckily enough the cave wasn’t that dark thanks to it being pretty much just a tunnel. When they got to the exit of the cave tunnel they discovered a large oasis surrounded by large tall walls of rock,a large waterfall cascading down from one of them. (M/N) crouched down and motioned for Bellamy to do the same,he put his fingers to his lips as a warning to stay quiet and then pointed to something in the oasis. Next to the water asleep was a large animal Bellamy had never seen before,honestly the radiation changed so many animals it probably looked completely different before the bombs dropped. The animal looked to be a large reptile of sorts,with large wings and black scales and long horns. All at once things clicked into place,he’s heard of this type of description before from story books. Bellamy was looking at a dragon.

“We call them Tikol.” (M/N) said in a whisper. “My people say they were unleashed on the world during Praimfaya. This one is small but that’s because it’s still young,when it grows more it will be large enough to block out the sun.” (M/N) looks to Bellamy with a smile. “My people say they are dangerous,I say they’re friendly if you treat them with respect.” With that (M/N) stood up and slowly started walking over to the creature.

“(M/N) what are you doing?” Bellamy quietly shouted. “Come back over here,that thing could be dangerous.”

(M/N) ignored him and continued on. Reaching into his bag he pulled out some meat he had packed away for this. The dragon lifted it’s head as it sensed (M/N) getting closer,looking at him. Extending the hand with the meat out,(M/N) offered it to the dragon. “It’s okay. We’ve done this before...you’ll be okay,I won’t hurt you.” The dragon seemed to relax at this and took the meat,(M/N) placed his hands on the dragons muzzle. He turned back to where Bellamy was still crouching. “It’s okay. You can come here,just do it slowly.”

Bellamy wasn’t exactly sure what was going through his head but soon he was standing and slowly walking towards (M/N) and the dragon. The eyes of the creature seemed to peer into his eyes and he wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Eventually Bellamy was standing next to (M/N) in front of the dragon,honestly he still couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

“It’s okay Bell. Here” (M/N) took Bellamy’s hand in his and slowly held it out to the dragon. The creature smelled his hand for a while,but then it leaned its head in so that Bellamy’s hand could hold it’s muzzle. Bellamy let out a breathe he didn’t realize he was holding. “This is incredible...so dragon’s really exist.” He saw that (M/N) was looking at him. “I guess,so im guessing dragons were a big thing on your time in space?” “It was mostly just from stories,no one believed they existed.” “Well now there's a “dragon” in front of you,I named him Cagon. Would you like to go for a ride?” Bellamy’s head quickly turned to (M/N) with wide eyes. “Ride? You mean like on the dragon?” (M/N) shook his head with that bright smile of his. “No I figured we’d ride the tree over there....yes on the dragon!” Before Bellamy could answer,(M/N) pulled him up onto Cagon’s back. Standing Cagon stretched out his wings and started walking,and then running,and then finally they took off.

Bellamy’s eyes were shut,he couldn’t see them being lifted into the air but he could definitely feel it. Opening his eyes,he could see (M/N)’s back in front of him and when he looked to either side he could see Cagon’s wings flapping and below them the ground far below. “Are you doing okay back there Bellamy?” (M/N) shouted over the wind. “I...I’m doing just fine (M/N),maybe we should go back down?!” (M/N) look back at Bellamy and smiled “Oh come on we just got up here,just give it a little more time!”

After the initial fear of being so high up with little to no safety,Bellamy started to relax. The cold wind rushing past his face,the sound of rushing wind roaring in his ears. He felt at peace. Here in the sky there was no fighting,no arguments,no worries,He and (M/N) were alone with each other. Wrapping his arms around (M/N),Bellamy set his head on his lovers shoulder. The other man letting his head fall on bellamy’s,the two men felt the world fall away from them. (M/N) turned his face a little and kissed Bellamy with as much fire as a dragon. It wasn’t too strong or too weak,it was like they were two people ready to face the world and its challenges. Cagon continued to flay off with the two into the far off distance,later they would have to once again separate and return to their clans,but for now they we’re each other’s clan.

#the 100 #bellamy blake #blake #octavia blake #(m/n) #male reader #male!reader #male reader insert #bellamy blake x male reader #bellamy blake x male!reader #bellamy blake x reader #fanfiction #fanfic

[ddaengyoonmin]

Fate/Bangtan 3

Genre: DystopianFuture!au; Prison!au; historical and mythological characters; based on the Fate/ anime series. Fluff, Angst, Smut (it’s gonna be real smutty in some chapters 😳) Action and fighting will be a definite theme.

Pairing: poly!Ot7 X Reader -there will be some three(maybe even more)some smut in future chapters

Warnings: Mentions of gangs, drugs, guns, killing and murder; blood and fighting; swearing; voyeur, male masturbation and cum, oral (female receiving)

Taglist: @bellexwriter @3rachascompass

@im-emo-motherfuckers @i-like-puppy-mg

@mynameisstruggling @kaekae-h @skytime092

@seesawsmin-flower @oddkpopgirl @caibaby23

@spider-thot0115 @sunshine-or-some-shit

@em1joon

With the first day of the war now getting closer, starting the morning after tomorrow, the members of your team were getting restless with preparing.

First thing in the morning Namjoon had suggested going to the supermarket and gathering all kinds of gear to be able to make the house more secure, thinking back on the famous story of Jack the Ripper sneaking into houses at night.  He had decided that it would be best to make sure the windows and doors had the best security they could get.

You had offered to go with them to help out, but they had shook their heads, saying that it was probably a bad idea to expose you to anyone who could relay information to the other teams about you, and also because of the distraction that you would be with the spell effecting anyone who you would come across while out at the store.

You had pouted but it made sense.

You watched the six of them pile into the small car, Namjoon and Jin sitting in the front seats, Hoseok, Jimin and Taehyung sitting in the back. Jungkook sat on the trunk, you now saw that they had handles welded onto the top of the trunk so he could grip on to them as they drove so as not to fall off, they must do this often.

You were glad that no one had said anything about the mark on your neck from the night you had shared with Taehyung.  You brought a hand up to where you knew it was, a small smile on your lips at the memory.  Taehyung stuck to what he said about pretending it didn’t happen.  Acting just as he had any other day, besides one flirtatious glance he had sent your way when no one was looking.  A look that clearly read ‘Remember what we did?’ in the lines of his smirk.

Yoongi still hadn’t participated in the group, or anything that had to do with you or the war.  You wished that he would get over whatever it was that was bothering him.

Though you and Taehyung shared that wonderful night, it could’ve been any of them and you’d have felt the same.  But Yoongi, your master? If it was him, you know that it would’ve been something else.  The way you were drawn to him may have something to do with that he was your master, but it was almost like in his own way he had a spell on you.  Something that made you want to protect and be with him every moment.

Now that you had been left alone to just hangout at the house you started to feel lonely.  Realizing that Yoongi was probably home you decided to use this as a chance to get him to have a real conversation with you.  

You hadn’t seen him yet today so you assumed he must still be sleeping.  You went down the short hallway to where his shared room was.  You stepped cautiously and quietly, not wanting to wake him up if he was still sleeping and further piss him off.

When you got to his door you saw that it was slightly cracked open.  You peaked through and saw that Yoongi was lying on his bed.  He was very much awake.

Your jaw dropped and you felt yourself get a warm feeling of arousal at the sight.  His eyes were closed and his head was tilted back, he was biting his lip and panting heavily as his hand was gripping his cock, moving up and down at a needy pace.  

You knew you should look away and wait for him to be done.  But you couldn’t help yourself, it was such an incredible sight.

His face would scrunch up every once in a while, his hips bucking up into his hand as he pumped up and down.  A soft moan escaped his lips and you almost gasped at that.  You felt your core clenching and dripping with arousal the more you watched him.

His cock wasn’t as long as Taehyungs but it was bigger in girth. It was mouthwatering and you couldn’t help but picture yourself with your lips wrapped around it, being the one to make his face twist with pleasure like it was right now.

You heard him whimper lightly and his pace become more frantic, hips rising from the bed and his free hand clutching his sheets so tightly his knuckles were turning white.

“Oh my god, oh shit, fuck” you heard him quietly moan out, as he tensed and came, hot white cum spilling on to his chest.  His legs shaking and toes curling as he did.  Your eyes widened and you bit your lip at the sight. You were so lost in the sight that you didn’t realize his eyes were now open, and staring straight at you…

“What the fuck?” he angrily hissed out, and quick tossed a blanket over himself.

You gasped sharply and quickly shut the door, embarrassed that you had been caught spying in on him.  

You quickly ran back into the living room, sitting on the couch that was your bed, hands pressed to your face in shame.  Hoping that he wasn’t too angry with you.

Yoongi shuffled around in his room and you could hear him storming out towards you, slamming the door to his room behind him.

He walked over to where you sat, “Don’t…” he stuttered out, his face red, with either embarrassment or anger, or both, you were unsure. “Don’t do that” he mumbled as he stood over you, his dark eyes looking you over.  

You looked down shyly, “I’m sorry. I was just going to see if you wanted to talk...then I saw you…” you murmured quietly.

“I don’t want to talk with you.” He hissed out. “I don’t want anything to do with you. Stay away from my room.  Stay away from me”

You felt like he could’ve just stabbed you in the heart and that would’ve hurt less than the way he just spoke to you.  Tears started to form in your eyes and you felt your skin go cold.  

“W-why do you hate me?” you choked out

Yoongi still stood firmly in place standing over you.  “I don’t hate you.  It’s not possible to hate someone who isn’t even a real person.  It’s fucked up, this thing that you do to us.  Making us want you, when you aren’t even real”

You were completely confused at that, “I’m real?” you stared up at him, meeting the eyes that glared at you.  “Why would you say I’m not real?”

He shook his head, “I don’t know what you are, but you were summoned here as a pawn in a game.  You are disposable and here for the purpose of fighting and killing.  Or being killed.  And that's all you are.  You shouldn’t  be allowed to make me... I mean them, have these type of feelings for you.” He spat out.

You felt yourself growing more angry than hurt now.  Before he could move away you reached out and grabbed his wrist tightly, he tried to pull back but you were stronger than him.  “If I’m not real, how am I touching you right now?”

His breathing became shallow and his eyes closed.  “Please. Don’t. Please. Let. go” he spoke through gritted teeth

You now realized despite that you had just witnessed him get himself off, he was already growing hard again, his pants tightening and forming a tent in the crotch.

You immediately let go.

His eyes shot open and he sent dagger eyes your way. “Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me” he grumbled and rushed away from you back to his room.

Leaving you alone on the couch with your heart breaking at the words he had said.  He didn’t see you as real, he saw you as just a plaything for this game.  Once again, you were just someone’s toy.  You can’t believe that you even for a second thought that anyone would think of you as anything else but something to use for their own gain or pleasure.  

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When the rest of the team members returned most went to the garage to sort through the things they had bought from the store. You were laying motionless and quiet on the couch, your tear stained face and red eyes were very obvious.  

Taehyung rushed to your side, “Oh my god, hey, what happened” his face filled with worry as he crouched eye level with you.

Jimin was also standing nearby with a confused look.

You couldn’t help but cry again as you spoke “I-I’m not real.  Master, he said-” You spoke between sobs.

Taehyung shook his head “Yoongi you asshole” he whispered under his breath.  

Jimin’s eyes narrowed and he instantly stomped off towards Yoongi’s room to go have a word with him.

“I’m sorry Taehyung, I’m sorry that I can’t turn off my spell.  I’m sorry that I force you all to want me. I wish I’d never been summoned here, I’d rather rot in oblivion than be forced back into another life where people fall under this spell I’m cursed with.”

Taehyung frowned, looking around to see if anyone was watching then planted a kiss on your wet cheek.  “Hey now.  Don’t say things like that.  Yoongi doesn’t know what he’s talking about” his voice lowered “If you weren’t real, then that means what we shared last night wasn’t real, and it felt very real to me.  I didn’t feel forced, it felt amazing, and if I didn’t want it I wouldn’t have done it”

Your mouth formed into a pout, “Thank you...but you only wanted it cuz my spell told you that you did”

Taehyung sighed, “Well if that's the case, I’d like to thank the spell for giving me one of the best nights of my life” he winked at you then planted a kiss on your forehead, “but spell or not, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.  Don’t let Yoongi hyung get to you.”

Suddenly you could hear shouting from the other room where Jimin had ran off to talk to Yoongi.  Then a loud crash that sounded like something hitting the wall hard.  

Taehyung shot up, hurrying to investigate the commotion.  You quickly followed behind.

When the two of you arrived to the room you saw Jimin standing over Yoongi, red faced and angry. Sitting with his back against the wall Yoongi was clutching his face, eyes clenched shut.

“Fuck” he mumbled through his hand.  When he pulled it away you saw blood dripping from his mouth and running down his chin.  He quickly shook his head trying to brush off the pain, and stood with his arm cocked back ready to throw a punch Jimin's way.

“Uh uh” Taehyung growled, grabbing Yoongi and holding him back from Jimin.

“OUT” a voice shouted from behind you.  You jumped and spun around to see Namjoon standing there, with a displeased expression directed at Jimin.

“But hyung he starte-” Jimins whine was cut off by Namjoon repeating himself

“OUT JIMIN” his voice boomed.

Jimin reluctantly stepped out of the room and you could hear him slamming the front door of the house as he left.

Namjoon shook his head in annoyance, “I’m going to suggest you get out as well” he spoke in a much kinder tone your way.

You nodded and went out the door.

You figured that you could go find Jimin and ask him what happened, but you were stopped on your way through the house.  

Jin yelled your way “Goddess I need some help boarding this window up”

He was standing by a window in the kitchen with a hammer and nails next to a bunch of wooden boards.  You joined him with a forced smile on your face, still worried about your Master and Jimin and hoping that you weren’t the cause of two friends getting in such a rough fight.

Jin had you hold a board up while he hammered each side in to the wall.

“Yoongi and Jimin fight a lot” he chuckled, “Don’t worry too much about it.  Lovers quarrels ya know” he winked at you.

“Wait...you mean Master and Jimin are…” you gasped.

Jin smiled, turning from his hammering to you, “Well, they aren’t like together together, but they have some history.  They’ll fool around occasionally.  They haven’t since you’ve been here though” he explained.

Oh. You hadn’t realized.  Maybe that’s one of the reasons Master has been so angry at you, could he be jealous that Jimin wants you? You remember that first night Jimin had suggested that the two of you could sneak around together, and Namjoon heard.  Had he told Master about that?

“So are you ready for the war? I’m not sure I am, I’m honestly kind of terrified” Jin admitted while pounding at one of the nails.

You shrugged, “I don’t think I’m that scared, I’ve never really been afraid of much besides…” besides your husband Vulcan “No as a goddess I really didn’t ever have any fears.  Maybe I should be afraid, but I’ve already died once I suppose”

Jin let out a small laugh “I guess you’re lucky then.  I’m not ready to die.  I want to win this thing...do you think we can?”

You grinned at him, he was so cute, focusing on his work, you knew the effect you had on him but he was doing a good job not letting it take him over.  They all seemed to be learning how to cope with their animal like urges to jump on you and fuck you whenever you were near them.  Taehyung you could even tell practiced a good amount of restraint the previous night when you were with him.

“I’ll do everything I can to make us win.” you confidently told Jin.  Because you would, you weren’t a god of battle like Athena or Ares, but you knew that with your powers you could be a force to be reckoned with in this war.  

Jin smiled shyly, stepping close to you as he went to grab another nail, you felt him slightly brush against your arm as he moved to the table behind you.  He gasped slightly at the contact and froze, standing up straight and staring into your eyes with want.  

“I wish” he whispered, moving his face close to yours.  So close that if you just moved an inch you’d have your lips locked to his.  You inhaled sharply, debating whether you should, not wanting to get him in trouble, but wanting him badly.  He was a gorgeous man his blond hair was perfectly styled, and his ripped light blue jeans showed off his legs so well.  You wanted him to pick you up in his arms and kiss you, to take you…

“Hey Jin hyung hows the window going?” Hoseok’s voice snapped the two of you out of that close call.

Jin quickly stepped back from you “Good. Almost done” he smiled at the younger man.

Hoseok looked your way and grinned widely, “Hey Goddess” his eyes were bright and cheery.

“Hi Hoseok” you sang “Did you need help with anything when I’m done here with Jin?”

Hoseok chuckled mischievously “Oh, I could think of a few things,” he said with a smirk, looking you up and down.

“Hobi.” Jin growled with a tone of warning.

Hoseok simply shrugged “Ah, you know I can’t help it” then he punched Jin’s shoulder playfully “Sorry to interrupt your moment” he winked at Jin as he walked away to go join some of the other boys in preparing the house.  

You heard Jin huff in annoyance. “Alright let's finish this up”

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You all spent the rest of the day boarding up all of the windows and doors and setting up makeshift alarms hanging empty pop cans and other noisy things they had laying around over doorways.

You hadn’t seen Jimin or Yoongi since the incident in the morning.  You felt awful about the whole situation. Jin said not to think of it as your fault, but how was it not?  

If Master and Jimin were somewhat lovers and you had stepped in the middle of that somehow, that was a guilt that you couldn’t shake.  You had your fair share of getting in between relationships, men that just couldn’t help themselves.  You always had tried to avoid those types of situations, it was messy and selfishly you just didn’t want to deal with it.

But this, you felt honestly guilty for this, your Master who you cared for greatly was being hurt by the feelings that Jimin held for you.  

You needed to find Jimin and talk with him you decided, you needed this all cleared up before the war started so that you all could go into the battle with a clear mind.

By strange coincidence Jimin walked in right at that moment, stumbling through the front door clumsily.

All the heads in the house whipped around at the sight of him.

“Sup e’ry one” he slurred.  

“Jimin! You’re drunk?” Jungkook gasped out, walking to catch the older man as he continued his clumsy walk into the living room almost falling over.

“Ahh, s’nothing” he mumbled, plopping down hard into Namjoons recliner chair making it tip up slightly as he did.

Namjoon walked over and stood in front of him shaking his head. “Damnit Jimin.”

Jimin looked up at him and scowled “S’mthing to say?” he spat out angrily, cocking his head with his eyes glassy and half shut.

Namjoon just sighed and walked away.  

“Thought so” Jimin grumbled, pulling his legs up onto the chair and getting comfortable. He then saw that you were near him, sitting on the couch looking at him worriedly.

“Hey babe.  Dontcha worry bout me.  M’fine” he spoke, his eyes closing and seemily now fading off to sleep.

You couldn’t help but still worry, but at least he was here now and safe. You’d talk to him tomorrow, there was no way you’d be able to have a reasonable conversation with him right now.

The rest of the boys minus your master all gathered around the chair where Jimin now slept staring down at him.  

“Shit” Taehyung hissed out shaking his head, “Jungkook help me bring him to bed”

The two of them picked up the unmoving Jimin and carried him to the room and tucked him in.  Taehyung stayed with him in the room and Jungkook came back out for just a moment only to grab a glass of water for Jimin’s bedside table, telling the rest of you that him and Taehyung were going to keep an eye on him. He sighed giving a goodnight wave to you all.

“Night Jungkook” you sweetly replied, waving back at him.  Jungkook shyly blushed and hurried back to his room.

The rest of the boys were silent for a while.  Jin left the living room to go finish washing the rest of the dishes left to do in the kitchen, and Namjoon and Hoseok went to double check that the house was ready.

You sat alone on the couch, pulling at your fingers and biting your lip. Again, you couldn't help but feel that this was all your fault.

Maybe it wasn’t just that you had a curse put on you.  Maybe it was you that was the curse, you were a curse to everyone around you.  Maybe that’s why you’d never have love.

You laid down and covered yourself with a blanket, a small tear sliding its way down your face.

 That had to be it.

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Your eyes shot open, someone was shaking your shoulder and whispering “Wake up”

It had to have been really early in the morning, all the lights in the house were still off and it didn’t seem like anyone was awake.

Your eyes adjusted to the darkness and you were able to make out the face of the person waking you up.

“Jimin?” you whispered at him “What are you doing?”

The dark haired man seemed to still be slightly drunk from the night before.  He smiled down at you and started to crawl next to you on the couch.

“Hey what-” you hissed out as he pushed you over, sliding his body under the blanket with you and pressing himself against you so you were face to face with him.

“Goddess I need you” he groaned, grabbing your hips and pulling you against him.  You could now feel that he was only in his boxers. His hard, stiff cock was pressing to your center and he had a playful smirk on his face.

“Jimin we can’t” you murmured.  Part of you was screaming, of course you can, why shouldn’t you.  But another part of you was sure that it was a bad idea, and that you’d just be making yourself and everyone else hurt worse by allowing Jimin’s charms to win you over.

Jimin groaned and pouted, continuing to move his hips slightly, rubbing himself against you. “Why not, I want to make you feel good, let me” he planted a small peck on your lips, taking you by surprise. “Jimin.  What about Master” you spoke seriously.

Jimin then stopped moving against you, his face turning from playful to annoyed.  

“What's that supposed to mean.” He snapped

“I think you know what I mean Jimin.  Jin told me that you and Master are…” you trailed off.

“He doesn’t own me.  I’m my own person and I can do what I please.” Jimin hissed, his dark eyes narrowing. “If Yoongi hyung wants to be upset that I want to fuck someone other than him thats on him.  I’ve told him plenty of times that we aren’t dating and that it's just for fun.”

You suddenly tensed up.  You hated that in this moment you were really relating to how Jimin felt.  The way he spoke about not wanting to be owned, about wanting to just lay with his lovers for fun and nothing more...that was exactly how you were in your past life.  You didn’t want to make your Master angry, but what Jimin said really connected with you, it was as if he could see into the part of your soul that felt like you didn’t want to be tied down with just one person.  

“No one can know…” you whispered, reaching your hands to his hips, giving him permission to start grinding against you again.

A low purr escaped his lips, and he bit his lip ring excitedly.

“Fuck, of course I won’t tell” he grinned.  His rubbing against you getting needier and faster.

Knowing you’d probably regret this, but not being able to hold yourself back you moved your lips to Jimin’s, placing a soft kiss on his lips.  It was slightly odd feeling, the cool metal of his lip ring against your lips, you’d never kissed anyone with a lip piercing before.

You kind of liked it, it was different from anything you’d felt and different always made things all the more exciting.

You continued to press your lips against his, licking at his lower lip begging him to let you in.  He obliged your request and started to flick his tongue against your own.  One of his hands reaching up to cup one of your breasts, squeezing lightly as he moaned with pleasure at the friction still being caused by rubbing himself against you.

He started to push forward, guiding you to lie down on your back while he crawled on top of you, now grabbing your dress and pulling it up so that you were exposed to him.

“Damn” he gasped out pulling back from the kiss and leaning back to sit up on his knees, straddling your lower legs and looking down at your now exposed center.  “You have the prettiest pussy I’ve ever fucking seen” he stared wide eyed at you like you were a delicious snack.  

“May I?” he asked, his hungry eyes unable to look away as he licked his lips and bit at his lip ring.

“Please” you gasped out in want.  It’d been too long since you’d felt a man between your legs how Jimin wanted to be.

He lowered his head down to you, pulling your legs wide apart and kissing you down your inner thighs, then placing soft kisses on your outer folds.  He took a hand and spread your lips apart to give him access to where you needed him most.  

“Wow” he breathed out, you could feel his warm breath against you and it sent a shiver of anticipation through your whole body.

You felt him lick a long stripe from your entrance to your clit, and then do this a few more times.

“You taste so good baby” he groaned.  

He then started to quickly flick his tongue against your clit and lap at you hungrily, moaning into you lowly as he did.  Enjoying himself thoroughly.  Your hips started to buck up towards him as he continued his pace.  You covered your mouth with a hand, not wanting to wake anyone up but so close to screaming out Jimin’s name for the whole world to hear.  Jimin noticed you do this and chuckled.  He knew that was probably a smart idea, though he wished he could listen to you crying out for him.  He wanted to hear you yell out his name and tell the whole house who was making you feel this good.

You started to get shaky as your orgasm got nearer.  Jimin could feel you tensing and getting close.  To help you get to your high, he quickly inserted two fingers into your entrance.  You gasped sharply and quietly whimpered as he curled his fingers inside of you and moved them in and out at the same quick speed as the flicks of his tongue on your clit.

Your free hand shot up to grip onto his hair, pulling slightly as you writhed underneath him.  

“I’m gonna cum Jimin” you whispered breathily.

Jimin moaned so loudly at your words that anyone in the house could’ve probably heard if they were awake.  He stopped for a moment, his eyes closed tightly and he flinched for a moment, you couldn’t quite understand why.

Then he started again, faster and with urgency “Please cum for me.  Fuck I want to make you come goddess”

A few more pumps of his finger in and out of you and you felt yourself reach your high.  Waves of pleasure rushing through every part of your body as your walls contracted over and over around his fingers.  Your hips jerking up into his mouth that was still licking at you, carrying you through your orgasm.

Once you’d rode out your pleasure, he pulled back.  Wiping your juices from his mouth with a wide grin on his face.  He looked you over as he leaned back into the couch, breathing deeply and looking very pleased with himself.

You chuckled and brought your dress back down your legs.

“So would you like me to return the favor?” you offered, with an eyebrow raised.

Jimin smirked your way, “Ah, sometime I’d like that yes.  I kind of already…” he laughed and pointed to his boxers that had a large wet spot on them now.

Wow, you thought. He came just from eating you out? Not even being touched?

As if reading your mind Jimin answered your questions, “Yeah, it’s been years since I’ve done anything with a girl.  And going down on my ladies was always my biggest turn on.”

You nodded with understanding and sat yourself up so you could rest your head on his shoulder.  Unlike with most men, when they were done with you, you didn’t feel used.  Maybe it was the fact that his words moments ago had made you think he had somewhat of an understanding of what it was like to be someone who felt like another just wanted to own them.  Or maybe it was the pure joy he seemed to get from just making you feel good.  Either way, you were satisfied.  Until a thought crossed your mind, Master would still be hurt by this.  Whether or not you agreed that Jimin shouldn’t have to feel tied down to anyone if he didn’t want to...Master still would be upset, and you felt that surge of guilt again.

“Maybe you should go back to bed now…” you muttered to Jimin.

He nodded and shot you a smile, kissing you on the forehead as he stood up to go to the bathroom and clean up.

“Night goddess, I’ll see you tomorrow”

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Just like with Taehyung, you and Jimin were able to keep your late night rendezvous a secret from the others without fail.

The only thing that had changed was now both of them now shooting you knowing glances every once in a while when they felt that no one would see.

When dinner was over that day you sensed a lot of tension in the group.  The war would start tomorrow and every one of them seemed scared and nervous.  

Namjoon discussed some last minute strategy, and ideas for how best to use your powers to distract other teams.  The hardest thing being how to actually kill other servants, it’d be easy to get the masters and team-mates to kill each other with your spells and tricks, but the masters wouldn’t stand a chance killing their own servant no matter how much you manipulated their minds.

All of you had been thinking long and hard on this subject when suddenly Yoongi stepped into the circle of discussion in the living room.  Sitting down at his regular place next to Namjoon that you hadn’t seen him ever do.  

The other members minus Jimin who tried to avoid looking at him, stared wide eyed at Yoongi as he sat down.

“I think I have a solution” he spoke, and as he said that he held something up in his hand that made everyone gasp, and made Jimin finally direct his attention to him.

Yoongi was holding a gun in his hands, “.357 Magnum” he quietly explained.

“Where the fuck did you get that” Namjoon yelled.

“I might’ve gotten a guard to sneak me in one for the war…” Yoongi admitted sheepishly “He had mentioned he had a pretty large bet on us and said not to blow it or he’d be out a lot of money.  So I asked him if he felt like helping us get a better chance at winning”

Jin who was sitting next to Yoongi started to laugh loudly “Yoongi that's actually brilliant” he patted him on the back “Will this thing be able to take out a servant?”

Yoongi nodded “I would think so.” he turned it over in his hand, “I got some extra bullets and stuff for it too so I think we’ll be set”

Namjoon smiled and let out a sigh of relief, “Guys I think we can win this thing”

--------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning was THE morning.  The day it all started.  

The eight of you woke up and gathered together, even Master was now being a part of the team.  While he still didn’t talk with you, just having him around and not running off alone was a nice change.  

You all gathered in a group by the door.  Jin took a deep nervous breath.  Taehyung squeezed Jungkook’s arm, Jungkook was looking extremely terrified and worried.  Hoseok and Jimin were talking about whether you should sit in the car or on the outside of the car, and Namjoon and Yoongi were double checking that they had all the extra ammo for the gun on them.  Yoongi was going to hold on to the gun and keep it out of sight so the other masters wouldn’t see it.  The plan was for you all to do a quick patrol of nearest streets in the neighborhood you lived in while in the car, seeing if any of the servants and their masters were headed your way.

“Let's do this” Namjoon said firmly, opening the door and taking a quick glance of the surroundings before motioning for the rest of you to hurry to the car.

Yoongi got in the driver's seat and Namjoon sat next to him.  Taehyung, Jin and Hoseok sat in the three seats in the back. Jungkook sat on the trunk, gripping tightly to the handles they had welded on and Jimin sat on the top of the car, where another set of handles had been welded on recently by Yoongi to deal with the lack of space situation the car.  You joined Jungkook sitting on the trunk, helping him keep an eye out for anyone that could come up behind you all.  You grabbed the handle and flashed a smile to Jungkook who sat next to you, shaking slightly.  

“Hey, It’s gonna be okay” you soothed.  

He faked a small smile your way. “Yeah...I know” he lied.  He didn’t think it would all be okay.  Even if you all did make it out of this alive, he knew he’d still be scarred from this war.  He never was the one that went out and ‘took care’ of people back on the outside.

 The gang that him and his friends were in had done their fair share of taking out their rivals, and people who were getting in the way of their business. But Jungkook always excused himself from the bloodier moments.  It had never been a problem, Jimin, Yoongi and Namjoon were pretty good at taking care of that kind of stuff.  Hoseok mostly just dealt with the product that they sold,  whether it was the drugs or guns, he was the man who figured out the cost and who and where to sell their stuff to.  

Jin was somewhat of a salesman if you could call it that.  Doing the actual face to face meetings with the people buying their contraband, usually taking Namjoon, Jimin and Yoongi with him for protection, but doing most all the talking himself.  Jungkook did a lot of online work, hacking and things like that when it benefited the gang. Taehyung grew and made their drug product, he ran the lab and the grow house that the drugs came out of.  

Namjoon was the leader, but he liked to sit in the background while Jin played leader in front of customers and rival gangs, so as to throw people off.  Jin was the oldest so most were quick to buy that it was the truth.  Yoongi also was the getaway driver when doing robberies or any of the other many crimes that were committed.

 Jungkook didn’t hold it against him, but in a way Yoongi was the one who had gotten them all caught.  When it came time to drive away from the scene after they had committed quite the deadly crime against a rival gang, the car wouldn’t start.  Cussing, Yoongi had admitted that he didn’t check under the hood of the car to make sure everything was in order before they all left, which he usually always did.

The sirens grew closer and their fate was sealed.  Off to Red Brick prison it was.  

Jungkook knew if they got their chance at freedom that he’d have a hard time staying away from the life of crime, but he was going to try his best.  

------------------------------------------------------------

The car moved slowly down the streets as your team patrolled around.  No one was out walking around, probably trying to avoid being caught in any type of crossfire during the war.

It was eerily quiet, the only sound being the wind moving through the buildings lightly whistling and rustling some leaves on the ground.

You all had been out for around thirty minutes when a loud shout rang out behind you from the direction of the front of the car.

“APHRODITE.” the shout boomed.  The car screeched to a stop, almost causing Jimin on the top of the car to slide off.

“Jimin get the fuck down!” Yoongi shouted from inside of the car. You whipped your head around and peered over the top of the car to see that about a hundred feet in front of you down the street, a large group of people were gathered, walking side by side, with a tall servant in front of them.

Jimin slid off of the roof and down to where you and Jungkook were now getting off of the trunk and standing behind the car.  

You narrowed your eyes, trying to make out the servant that had yelled out your name. Walking to the side of the car to get a better look.  It clicked for you instantly when you saw a large bow being drawn in your direction.  You knew that bow, you had seen it forged, Khryselakatos.  You gasped, knowing the fearsome hands that held that bow.

“WHORE!” another shout rang out.  This time it was followed by an arrow zipping past you in the blink of an eye.  You gasped and jumped out of the way.  A yelp sounded out from behind you, the arrow had narrowly missed you and instead grazed Jimin’s arm.

“No!” you shrieked, running to Jimin and holding his hurt arm.

“I’m fine! duck!” he shouted, pulling you down and crouching behind the car as another arrow whirred past the car.

“Fuck we gotta get out of here.  It’s archer!” Namjoon yelled out.

None of you had planned on meeting archer this early in the war.  And you hadn’t planned on archer being someone you’d recognize.  Someone who had a deep hatred for you in fact.

The three of you outside of the car managed to climb up and share your grip on the handles on the trunk while staying low enough to hopefully avoid the onslaught of arrows that were now being sent your way.

“Hold on tight!” Yoongi screamed as he whipped the car around quickly and started to speed away in the other direction.  

The three of you hanging from the back of the car were now completely exposed and vulnerable to the arows.  You did your best to avoid them, one ended up hitting the side of your cheek, causing a deep gash that instantly stung and started to drip blood down your face and neck.  

“Aghh” you hissed out.  Biting hard down on your lip to try and distract yourself from the pain.

You could see the Archer put her bow down, her master yelling something to her that you couldn’t hear from your distance now.

“I’LL GET YOU NEXT TIME WHORE” her yells carried down the street.  

“FUCK OFF PRUDE” you found yourself shouting back without even knowing that you were going to.  

Jimin's eyes widened and he laughed along with Jungkook who seemed to find that amusing.

“So...history there?” Jimin giggled once the eight of you were out of range and out of sight from Archer and her team.

“That was Artemis, Mount Olympus's holy virgin” you explained.

The car was still speeding fast through the streets of Red Brick.

Yoongi wasn’t really sure where he was going, but he knew he needed to get his team out of the range of that Archer.

You now realized he was taking you down the main road by the church, maybe not the best idea to be so far out in the open, but panic didn’t have him thinking totally clearly at the moment.

This was your first time seeing the church, It was gorgeous, tall with stained glass windows up and down and at the very top was a lookout where the warden now stood, observing the war.  You could another man up there with him who must be the ruler servant.  

It seemed like he was staring right at you.  His hands pressed on the railing while looking down at you.  He was shirtless, large, muscular and strong. You could now see he held a large hammer in his hand.  No...it couldn’t be.  

Your blood ran cold, you felt yourself grow faint and you almost slipped right off the car.  Jungkook and Jimin each grabbed one of your arms in theirs and held you up.

“Woah woah” Jimin said panicked “Are you okay? Is it your face?” he looked at where the arrow had hit you.

You shook your head slowly.

“Vulcan…” you gasped out.

#bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts fluff #bts angst #bts smut #jin x reader #namjoon x reader #taehyung x reader #jungkook x reader #jimin x reader #yoongi x reader #hoseok x reader #ot7 smut #ot7 au #jimin smut #yoongi smut #bts au #bts x you

[ajokeformur-ray]

From oldest to newest ~ Erika answers asks ~

hailmary-yramliah said: Wait I’m really tripping out. I realized you were following me on Tumblr and I didn’t even know?!?!?!? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR FICS LIKE WTF IM SO SLOW BUT THANK YOU YOURE LIKE ACTUALLY AMAZING AND ME STANNING YOU RN MAKES ME EMBARRASSED BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT YOU ARE SO TALENTED!!! Ahhhhh I love your Arthur/Joker fics XD 

Thank you so so much!!! <33333 This means so much to me! <3333 I hope you continue to enjoy the works that I work so hard on x

Anonymous said:Ngl I feel like it’s wrong to like Arthur & read fics about him only bc my sis thinks it’s weird af. Our interests are complete opposite & finds mine very weird and it kinda makes me sad. I wish she loved the movie as much as me & understood my “obsessions” as she calls them. Anyways, love your fics sm! You’ve gotten me into this fandom so quickly and I love it! 💕

Your sister sounds just like my, and others’, family. They don’t understand because the film wasn’t for them. It was for people like us who see Arthur and who understand him. If you find enjoyment in something, darling, most especially if it’s fictional (though very realistic), then there’s no shame in indulging in it. Thank you very much, that means a lot! <3

insfirebunny said: Ok As you might see rn I make myself comfortable in your blog. Hope you don't mind. I enjoy every single one story of yours. You write so beautifully that it's magical. Take care of yourself, sunshine ☀

I don’t mind at all, I’m flattered, thank you so, so much! <33333 take care of yourself too!!!!

Anonymous said: Would you rather date Arthur or Joker??

To me, Arthur never went insane and ‘became’ Joker. He’s not the insane one; the world is mad. So I would date Arthur and I would love him and protect him and help him (everything I write about is everything I would do for him; the things I write for others are very self-indulgent lmao I have no shame) and if, in his own time, he grew into himself (Joker), then I would still love and support him just the same. I don’t think he went mad - I think he just dropped everything holding him down, holding him back, and said “fuck the world”. And honestly? That’s a big fucking mood.

Anonymous said: Okay speaking of the multiverse theory, what is your view on it regarding fictional characters. I personally believe that not only do they exist, but with the right skills you could connect with them in some way.

Since I was a child, for as long as I could remember, I’ve had this super vivid made up, carefully crafted world inside my head with all my most loved characters. I have spent my life inside my head daydreaming. I’ve never needed real life friends because I have my imagination and though I tried to make friends. I tried so hard but I never got anywhere because I was a freak, I was this and that etc. etc. (I was bullied for like 15 years lmao fuck ‘em) and so I stayed inside my head and didn’t bother trying to cross that invisible glass wall between me and everyone else. I’m 22 and I still haven’t bothered to try; it’s cosy here so I’ll stay inside my head where I can make others happy with my daydreams. But I digress - I like to think that our loves know that we love them. Every thought, every tear, every daydream, every squeal, every pillow we’ve squeezed wanting to be them, every imagine, everything we have done or do because of them, for them, they know. They see it; they feel it. I like to believe that Arthur Fleck knows how deeply he is loved and cherished he is by all of us and more than that - he loves us all just as fiercely, and he’s so, so proud of all of us. (Also lowkey I know it’s your skin shifting due to temperature changes etc. but you know when you think you feel a hand on your shoulder or fingers in your hair when you’re like half asleep and just dozing??? Or when you have a dream of him? That’s Arthur reaching out to us in the only way he can to say he knows, he sees and he loves us too.)

Anonymous said: I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH! Like it’s crazy how good you write

Thank you so, so much!!! <3333333 I work .v. hard (one piece can take up to three hours, though the longest I’ve ever spent on a piece (Coming Home To You) was six hours. I still say that is the best thing I’ve ever written, so that means a lot! <3

Anonymous said: I love Joker from our dearly beloved 2019 Joker movie as well as Joker from The Dark Night. I can't choose which I love more so why not both! At the same time! ifyouknowwhatimsaying 👀👀👀

Sksksksksksk I believe @gothamslittlejester can help you out here lmao she’s written for poly!readerxJokerxJoker so go check out her works; they’re phenomenal! <3

Anonymous said: There's a tornado warning in my area. We NEVER get tornado warnings, like ever, so I'm kind of scared.

Ohmygoodness please stay safe, darling!!! I’ve never experienced any kind of natural phenomena like that so I can’t imagine how scary that must be! I hope everything turned out well x

Anonymous said: I read what happened to you at work and deeply sorry. I’m sure you are more than aware of this but their reaction is a reflection of themselves than of you. You have the full power to enjoy and like what you please. Also, it is okay to bite back when it is needed. It may be hard to, but sometimes it’s healthy to stand up for yourself at times. Of course it is easier said than done. Remember you’re a goddess! Take back your power ✨

Thank you so, so much!!!! I’m not really all that affected by what happened anymore; it was only a week ago but already I’ve reached that nice part of apathy where you still care but you’re like, aa fuck it, I don’t wanna be hurt by it anymore. Standing up for myself is very hard; I’m a lot like Arthur in that respect: I put my head down, bite my tongue and take it because I hate confrontation. I hate it so much so I’d rather stay quiet. My parents told me I need to be a bit less Arthur and a bit more Joker; maybe in time that bite will come to me xp thank you honey! Your words mean a lot; I’m always here if you ever wanna talk about anything!!!

Anonymous said: I just read what you said about your coworkers. Honestly that's so horrible and I hope you're feeling better soon. ♡ I feel you so much, things like that happened to me all the time while I was still in school. But please, don't hate yourself. You have such a beautiful mind, you have talent & creativity most of them couldn't even dream of. It's not your fault that they can't see how beautiful being an introvert & a daydreamer can be. You're wonderful the way you are. ♡ ( @buried-in-windy-meadows )

I’m so sorry that you had to experience that, too, it’s an awful feeling when you try to be yourself and people are mean. I hope you know that they are no reflection on you, as the previous anon says - it’s all on them! Thank you so much; your words mean a lot <3 I’ve always been this way, for as long as I can remember I’ve lived inside my head, so I see no reason to change; I’m happy in, not necessarily myself, but my imagination and my creativity is my favourite part of myself (even when I’m at war with the rest of me, I can find solace in my imagination and I’m very lucky to have that) and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Anonymous said: I’m pretty sure you’re on the opposite side of the world from me so I just wanted to let you know your words and your attitude are making someone on the other side of the planet smile. We are all so lucky to have you and to have this movie to connect us. It makes me feel really human 🧡

This film is without a doubt the best thing that’s ever happened to me - we’ve all found a home, a place to go to vent and to write and to support each other and it’s so beautiful how such a tragic, grisly and dark film has brought light to so many of us. Arthur would adore it, I know he would. Thank you, darling, this means a lot to me! Please know I’m always here for you should you ever need anything or just wanna drop a line! <3

rafaelina-casillas said:Aw, I'm so so sorry that happened to you! People can be so nasty - especially to those who never deserved it! I hope you're feeling a lot better now! I can only say that in my country (where Halloween is not a tradition but more and more people are celebrating it) I saw at least 5 or 6 people in less than an hour who were doing the same makeup as you - and no one tried to mock them. I guess you had the worst luck with your colleagues but try to not mind them. They don't deserve your nerves! 💖

Exactly! I didn’t go out with my makeup, I just stayed home and enjoyed my private and personal display of love for Joker - I’m sure he’d have been flattered! And I dared to open up to my colleagues; it’s a mistake I won’t make twice, that’s for sure. Thank you, you’re always so kind to me and it means a lot - will have to DM you soon!

insfirebunny said: You look so cute and your writing is a pure gold. Stay strong

Thank you so, so much, you’re too kind!!! Take care of yourself, love! <3

Anonymous said: binge watching Batman: The Animated Series this weekend. Mark Hamil’s joker is amazing tbh

I’ll have to check that out; see if it’s on Netflix or Youtube. I hope you had a wonderful weekend! <3

theclownsqueen said: Hi! Im a new page, i love your page so much and your work is amazing! Sorry just thought I'd drop by. :)

Yeeeees ohmygoodness I gotta reply to your DM; I’ve got so many lmao <3333 thank you so much, you’re far too kind, I hope you continue to enjoy my works; I’m always here if you need anything x

Anonymous said: I relate to Arthur so bad. I’ve always been a loner and really shy, plus I’ve been helping out my mother a lot with financial problems. Once I saw the movie in theaters I just fell in love with it and it really brings me joy to read your fics. I just wish I wouldn’t get labeled a weirdo or freak for openly expressing that I like Arthur. Just makes me feel ashamed for liking something which sucks.

Thank you, darling - I’m glad my works can bring you joy; that’s really all I want to do with my writing is to help people in the moments they most need it. Even if all I manage to do is make your lips quirk upwards, that means I’ve done what I set out to do! I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time of it and I hope things start to look up for you soon! <3 The people who should feel ashamed are the ones labelling you for expressing yourself; truly, they’re the punchline of the joke Arthur was laughing at during the end of the film. Don’t let them take your sun from you, love - that means they’re winning. Please know I’m always here for you; don’t be afraid to drop me a line! <3

Anonymous said: I love your writing!

Thanks, honey! That means a lot <3

Anonymous said: Any tips for fic writers out there? Love your work btw!

There’s so much I could tell you but honestly, rules and guidelines don’t matter. Just have fun with it. Write what you wanna write in the way you wanna write it, when you wanna write it, and if anyone doesn’t like it, then who cares? Do it for you, even if you’re fulfilling requests for other people. Step back when you gotta, don’t be afraid to turn down writing requests if you don’t gel with them or you just don’t wanna or you’re not comfy with it, and really just have fun. If you have fun with the work you put in, then it’ll shine through and people’ll love it!

writings-of-a-gen-z said: hey love hope everythings going okay for you and the world isnt being too mean x

You’re too good to me, you always are. Thanks, love, and the same for you <3 sending hugs and love!

jibanyyan submitted:

I love your writing so so so so much you don’t even know it! I get excited each time I get notified that you posted again and I even take my time to read them in uni!!!

Just know that I love your blog and you can always reach out to me if you need someone to talk to even though we don’t know each other!

Much love goes out to you love xx

Thank you so, so much omgggggg you’re always so kind and supportive and it’s???? amazing ???? Please know the same for you; I’m almost always online when I’m not at work (even when I’m studying I have tumblr open in case people need me lmao) so I’ll reply .p. quickly! <3333 thank you so much omgggg sending you loads of love and hugs, I hope you’re well!

harlyquln said: when do you plan on opening requests again? 🥵

I’m not sure yet, love, but because I love to put myself under pressure lmao because nothing will make you work like an impending deadline, shall we say the beginning of December? That gives me just under 3 weeks to write almost 40 requests and honestly, that seems reasonable (ish). <3

Anonymous said: your comfort fics are always so beautiful 💕 i’ve never felt like i was actually IN an imagine before i read one of yours. you’re honestly one of my fav authors

Omggggg thank youuuuuu~ comfort fics are my favourite thing to write so that means so much! <3

kat-o-combs said: Good morning sunshine ☺️ I hope your day is going well. You deserve happiness, comfort, and contentment 💕 love ya!

Omgggg you’re always so good to me wtfffff <3333 thank youuu I hope the same for you too; you deserve all the best things in life! Love you too x

Anonymous said: Hope you're gonna feel better! I've discovered your blog... a week ago, I think, and your stories have helped me more than you'll ever know. I find a lot of comfort and support to keep me going when I read your stories and I'm so thankful for your blog. :)

Anonymous said: Hope you're gonna feel better! I've discovered your blog... a week ago, I think, and your stories have helped me more than you'll ever know. I find a lot of comfort and support to keep me going when I read your stories and I'm so thankful for your blog. :)

Helping people with my writing is a literal dream so thank you for telling me this! When I write the softer comfort imagines, they’re very emotionally draining and I have to dig deep to write them so usually I come away feeling old wounds and pretty tired in myself; I take care of myself in the ways I know helps (funnily enough, writing is both the issue and the solution) and I come back out on top. Thank you very much for telling me this, I’m glad I’m able to help you! <3

Anonymous said: Awww I hope you feel better soon!!

I do, darling, thank you so much x

Anonymous said: Sneaking up to nuzzle Arthur, then blowing a raspberry on his neck and watching him grin and shy away with a giggle.

Yeeeees~ lmaooooo it’s what he deserves!!!!!! <33333

Anonymous said: I saw joker for the second time and I think I've finally accepted in myself what you had a while ago. Arthur feels like home, he feels like comfort. When he would be dancing or just even smile I felt like I was there and I felt like everything was okay. I've fallen in love with a fictional character, but I can accept that. Because escaping with him brings me so much joy and love, I cant imagine being without it

Neither can I, nonnie. I’ve felt love for characters before but never like this. Never. I never wanna be without him or without this community again. We found a home in Arthur Fleck and fuck he’d love that so much. I’m glad he’s able to to bring you joy and love, it’s all he’d want for you and he’d be so proud of you!!! <3

Anonymous said: I had a dream about arthur last night???? Like I got into a car crash and he came and got me and brought me home and cuddled me and gave me kisses and honestly the dream was super scattered but so nice wow

That sounds like such a lovely dream omg loving Arthur and being loved right back??? Where do we sign up?? <3

Anonymous said: wish i could make Arthur a flower crown right now god damn

A) he’d look so fucking cute and B) he’d wear it around the apartment all the time omgggggg ~ he’d never wear it outside bc he’s scared it’ll get lost or stolen or broken but at home he’d cherish it so much and he’d look adorable ohhhh~ ;33333

Anonymous said: Hey, Ily and all though I'm not the biggest fan of Joker fics I just want you to know I still support and care for you

Thank you honey, this means a lot!!!! If this isn’t your scene, you’re welcome to unfollow, I won’t be mad or anything at all. Thank you for your continued support if you decide to stay, though, it means so much x

rebs-doom said:reminder that u r my fave person bye

Come here and let me love you, you precious, beautiful soul. I love you so much.

Anonymous said: What do you get when you cross a sad, touch-starved man with a blog that cherishes him and treats him well? I'll tell you what you get, you get what you fucking deserve. *smooch*

Can you imagine:

“Hey, Arthur?”

Arthur made a soft noise of acknowledgement from where he was sleepily cuddled into your side.

“Wanna hear a joke?”

“Mm,” He chuckled, “What?” He blearily opened his eyes to gaze at you fondly.

*You tell him this joke but swap ‘blog’ for ‘person’ and kiss him before he can react*

And see how fast he gives you what you deserve ;) ;)

(high key it’d become a way for you to say ‘i love you’ without saying it. Like, “you’re always so good to me” // “it’s what you deserve”) <333 sweet boi deserves the world.

Anonymous said: Can I just say how much of a blessing you are to the Arthur Fleck/Joker fandom!

Istg I’m drowning in all this love omggggg you’re far too kind to me I’m just a simple girl pouring out her love for Arthur/Joker into her blog because it’s got nowhere else to go <333333333 thank you so much!!! <3333

Anonymous said: I feel so sad for Arthur; he pretty much had the world against him from day one. I could only imagine some of the stuff he'd gone through when he was small. I just see baby Arthur lying in a filthy crib, crying for his mother's comfort or from hunger, and Penny just not even noticing it or caring.

I know :( it’s so tragic and dark and there are thousands of Arthur Flecks in real life who are unseen and defeated and broken down but they can’t get help but they’re trying and they work so hard and they just. Keep. Going. I left the cinema each time crying really hard and got home and cried some more for Arthur and for all the people, including myself, who watched the film and saw pieces of themselves in Arthur. When I think of Penny, I find it oddly funny that she always called him ‘Happy’ when he was anything but and it was only until she died that he became what she always thought he was. It’s beautifully ironic, in a strange way.

Okay, so uh... I gotta not let asks build up like that again lmao this took me two hours wowowowow <3333 I’m aiming to get some writing done today, there’s three or four pieces I’ve started and not finished so I’ll work on those. Thanks, loves, you have no idea how much you all mean to me! <3

[strangerdarkerbetter]

1/2 Hello Sabrina, I was just wondering about what you feel about polyamory as a fellow autie, as I know you are poly. I am in support of poly but i cannot do it myself. My autie brain is completely funded on hierarcies and hence i can only love 1 person (i cant love a friend if i have a partner) and I can only have 1 best friend, as examples. Im finding that poly seems to be a big thing in the lgbtq community and i feel a bit extra like a freak for absolutely not getting it. Most of my irl

2/2 are poly including my partner. People (including my partner) has kind of insinuated that it’s a bit childish of me, and that im being possessive somehow for not being poly? the phrasing by many that monogamy is inherently a conscious choice/commitment as opposed to poly being the “natural” alternative makes me quite uncomfortable? Not sure if this makes sense.. and i hope i dont sound like "im such an oppressed monogamist!" but if you could enlighten me with your opinions on this id be glad!

First, it’s terrible that your friends and partner have insinuated that you are childish for not being poly. That’s absolutely ridiculous. Poly people are not inherently more mature than monogamous people. 

Further, I too disagree with the positioning of polygamy as natural and monogamy as unnatural. I think that both involve choice and both involve inherent desires. I do think that there are many who would be poly if not for the constant messaging that monogamy is the only way, but I also think that monogamy is a valid option. 

For me, poly makes sense. I see love as an infinite resource that can be shared among many without weakening the love for the others. For me, this applies to romantic love as well as platonic love. I also view love itself as a choice rather than an emotion. Love is a series of choices we make to prioritize people in our lives. Love itself may be infinite, but time is not. We chose to prioritize certain people with our time. We chose to prioritize certain people with our emotional labor. These choices make up love. The choices to give this person (or people) our time and energy. 

I think we all make choices when it comes to romance. We chose to prioritize one person above all others or we chose to prioritize multiple people in our lives. This may mean that we chose to have a primary partner and then other partners. It could mean that we have our partner and our friends. We might chose to prioritize our partner and friends. We may chose to keep sexual relations to a specific relationship or we may chose to engage with multiple people. 

For me, poly is choosing not to keep certain things confined to one relationship. It is choosing to share my time and energy with more people while remaining dedicated to my husband. It is choosing to follow a path that feels more natural for me. 

For some people, monogamy feels more natural. For others, polyamory feels more natural. Neither of these is inherently better or worse. Monogamy can lead to all sorts of issues just as polyamory can. Both also have wonderful aspects to them. I think that it’s important for people to make choices that feel truest to themselves. 

I hope this helps! If you have any more questions or want clarification, please ask!

#actuallyautistic #polyamory #poly #relationships #monogamy #love #choices #sabrinaanswersthings #anonymous