#like please stop randomly telling me my gods dont exist

[actiwitch]

Hot take, apparently, but genuinely harassing or insulting anyone's religion is not ok.

Criticizing religious institutions, proselytizing, extremism, or horrible behaviors/beliefs done in the name of a religion? YES! Totally. That should be criticized.

Unpromptedly popping up on random posts by religious folks to say anything along the lines of "god isn't real", "the pagan gods are fake", "there is only one true religion", "[any religious group] are stupid/dangerous/barbaric" -- NO.

It's rude. It's unnecessary. And sometimes, especially in the case of minorities or oppressed groups, it's outright hateful. Theres nothing helpful, funny, or cool about randomly insulting one of the most personal aspects of a persons life. Unless it's invited or warranted, stfu.

#like please stop randomly telling me my gods dont exist #idc #atheist #christian #pagan #paganism #pagan witch #christian witch #evangelical #heathenry #witchcraft #deities #deitywork #ancient gods #religion #religious #religious joy #pagan joy

[jerek]

alright. bonus lore time. i literally never thought anyone was cringe if i ever had a problem w u it was ALWAYS about wrathion.

since fall 2021 ive developed a new talent which is my cortisol randomly spiking and making my stomach too acidic which can and has made me vomit 10 times in a day and put me in ER-level pain and i think it has something to do with the lil polycule of rpers i was with back then.

roster was, iirc (at the time)

26 y/o male / nb

38 y/o female

mid 20s male

mid 20s nb

early 20s female

19 y/o me

18 year old nb

26 year old was the one who made the discord, roleplayed anduin, the rest of us were literally self shippers with ocs. (except me i played sylvanas)

was a SHIT ton of wranduin in there!!! i'm not evil though so i put up with it. i asked once can they please stop putting wrathion porn in there, they were like "thats cool bro i respect your triggers" and put it in a different channel still accessible for the girlies who love to trigger themselves.

so like. heres where the mysterious food poisoning came in. when i say 'dissociative' i may not mean DID as diagnosed by a trained professional after 15-20 tests but like. i couldnt even express to a therapist how shit i felt bc i was not consistently the same type of person between appointments. if you make me come in every week, next week i will not remember why i felt the way i felt last week. i'll vaguely remember what i said, but she's not me anymore lol.

and sometimes it's THAT, the true saint norman experience, sometimes it's possession (thinking other people's thoughts) and sometimes it's dreaming but girl SOMETIMES it manifests as like.

Imagine going up to norman bates and telling him he cares too much about his sick, declining, codependent mom.

Me but when you smack Wrathion I feel it. He's a metaphor for me. I think in his voice. I damn near pray to him ig, being a mormon I can tell you he is the only reason ive ever felt 'the spirit.'

Cringe? Yes!!!!! Out of my control? Yeah 😭

There is no center to my being. i dont identify as anything. i'm not the name my parents gave me, but i am the characters i use to puppet out whatever emotions. Internet sexting for so long has eaten away at my boundaries so much there is no longer any reason for her (who i was born as) to exist or for me to relate to her.

Rping in that group gave me so much dopamine I couldn't sleep, consistently had the feeling that my stomach muscles were splitting down the center, migraines. Literal food poisoning symptoms. It was really fun still!!!!!

And then when the wrathion shit happened like. Whispers of nzoth in the back of my brain started tickling my self defense instincts for no reason. No reason bc I had put up with literally everything including the wrathion shit, the only difference was I personally didn't enjoy wrathion porn.

I knew I was irrational. Not liking a certain type of porn is one thing, I was fighting off the old gods trying not to start some shit.

Prob shoulda communicated! Communicating last time gave me a trigger myself button though. Literally the [triggered] meme.

Eventually you get the feeling that shit is going down the drain whether you like it or not. The rp's stopped, everyone's switched to FF and your laptop can't run it. It's all just kinks, someone posting once or twice a day with "imagine li-li stormstout [redacted]" getting reacted with 😏 emojis.

So I posted screenshots bc I knew the other half of the world, the one with everyone else in it, would feel as alienated as I did. I'm back in 2015 as a 13 y/o dominatrix prude and I want the feeling of 'we know what's wrong' I got from the ER. Literally went to sleep 5 minutes later because I knew I'd be guillotined.

I wake up and I have no idea why I did that. It's been years since I tore off the chunk of me that will do literally anything to be included, those two halves don't communicate anymore.

But shit's fucked now!!

It was always about wrathion. Literally always about my shitass fixation on blizzard's favorite 7 year old to unbutton the shirt on. Girl why

#wrathion

[self-h-rmageddon]

just remembered my dream 😊🔫 kept waking up randomly in the night and the first couple dreams were standard, i hardly even knew they were dreams until i woke up and saw those texts didnt exist, but.. idk. brain is like yeahh youve had it too good for too long. trauma jumpscare!!!

i wrote a message for him . one like how i do for them and it makes me so fucking furious .. to like SEE myself write it, even in my dream i felt sick like why would i tell him that? why would i say things like that, things that are only meant for them?

and it just gets worse cuz he responded and my brain was once again trying to see the good in him.

do you really think he wouldve stopped if you were younger? i dont think he wouldve, i think no matter how much he insisted he isnt like that, if i were any younger he'd probably have just as much fun, it was already wrong to begin with and he loved it! it makes me sick..

the worst part is that some part of my head still clings on. he didnt give me anything!!!! all i got from him was trauma and fear and insecurity, pain and anguish, sexual satisfaction that was tainted cuz i knew it wasnt right for me but i didnt wanna leave cuz i liked the attention

why did i listen to him? why was i so eager to please, why did i want it? even if it made me shake so hard id feel sick, it felt so good to have attention like that again. i want to set this whole world on fire every time i think of it

im not who i used to be for numerous reasons, it really is like looking back at somebody elses past.. i feel sorry for that kid. i wish i couldve been there to protect him. i wish i couldve been the adult i needed back then. whatever, whats done is done. just get it out, maybe there will come a time when i stop dreaming of him

its crazy cuz he wasnt even the worst thing to happen to me but. he kinda was? like imagine being so fucking horrible that the mental anguish of knowing you was worse than that of physical assault IMAGINE. god you fucking suck

#i hope hes dead #i know hes not #what else can i hope for? #hate talking about this so much but #i need it out so i can move forward again

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

14 (bodyguard AU) and 46 (blind date) sounds fun,,, your choice of ship ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

14. Bodyguard AU || 46. Blind date

Random choice generator got me creativisleep!

~

roman's a semi-popular actor- he's never really been to an awards show, and he's not been in That much, but he had a small but strong role in a real popular film and plenty of leading ones in lesser known movies. he's got enough of a following to be satisfied with himself, even if it isn't That huge of one

because of this, roman didn't take the possible dangers of his fame seriously... until he got jumped by one fan at a play in his hometown. he came out fine (he's always fine ;p) but it made him reconsider his choice to not have some sort of protection

he ends up hiring remy to be his bodyguard, a choice he Slightly starts regretting when he realizes remy, despite having excellent marks out of bodyguard school, is about as professional as a golden retriever

they take roman's food out of his fridge Whenever, borrow Way too many of his shirts (and roman hasn't seen his BMC 'boyf riends' hoodie since they got their hands on it), and is never in typical bodyguard wear (they wore a suit for the interview and never again)

but they also bring roman coffee (when did they get his regular figured out...?), talk to him like he's just a Person and not a celeb, and have yet to try and kill him themself so. roman's alright with them staying

(plus, is it so wrong if roman enjoys how they look? he deserves for a bit of an eye-candy sorta bodyguard, damnit, they're with him all the time after all)

remy's been with roman as his bodyguard for a few months when roman decides he cant just keep Lookin at a pretty person, he deserves to have a pretty person to kiss and cuddle with too!! so he pokes around for a bit, finds a non-homophobic service (he's pan, so he could Technically use a plain ol' straight service, but he refuses on gay principle), and uses it

idk how datin apps work but this one that im makin up is a blind match up app, which takes ur information and uses it to randomly pair u up with random accounts. the app keeps account info privated until After the first date has been gone on, to really maintain the 'blind match' aspect. the matched up people play a mini guessing game through the app about places they can go for a date until location and time is determined

roman likes the idea of the app mostly to keep his own identity secret as long as possible- he doesnt want people pickin his account Just bc he's a celeb, y'know?

the first couple of blind dates dont go well tho... most are nice people who roman just isn't compatible with, one was a straight woman who spent the entire date being Very homophobic despite roman's rainbow heart + pan flag pins, and someone who was clearly Too Much Of A Fan (remy had to physically pull them off of roman and help him escape the park before they could latch back on)

oh, did roman not mention? remy's been coming on all his dates with him

because of course they are! they need to protect roman! whether that's by eating dinner in the booth over or sitting two rows back at the cinema or awkwardly half-stalkin roman and his date while they walk about

so they're always there, to bring roman there and take him home, and listen when he complains about the bad matches and lament the almost-winners, and convince him he is a catch that needs to try again because eventually Someone will realize he really is too good to pass up

(remy always says that line in a weird way)

so he keeps trying... until roman has possibly the worst date ever

because he gets stood up. it's fifteen minutes past the scheduled date time, he's gotten no text explainin where they are, but he's sittin at the restaurant alone and starting to become rather upset by the pitying look the server gives him when he says he's still waitin on someone else before he orders

remy slides into the seat across from him at the 20 minute mark. shoots roman an apologetic smile that an outsider would mistake as a 'sorry im late' one when roman knows it's a 'sorry they didnt show' one

roman appreciates the gesture to save him, but he almost just wants to go home at this point. he's tired and bein stood up feels like Shit, actually, and he's about ready to call off the whole dating thing really, dramatic as that may be (like it's not his middle name)

but remy says smth about this place having really good sandwiches, and it's clear they're tryin so hard to help roman out here, even a little, and roman can't just dismiss that effort, so he picks up his menu again and orders smth and tries to ignore the way his face heats up just the slightest at the relieved smile remy flashes next

lunch with remy is great, actually, better than it would've been with whoever couldnt be bothered to show or apologize or Anything. remy even knows the way to an ice cream shop on the way home, sayin it's for roman's 'broken heart' as they pay for it

except, well... roman's heart isn't feelin so broken anymore

it's actually feeling pretty put together. really functional. functioning really fast. especially when roman's looking at remy. or when remy's lookin at roman. or when they smile. or when they laugh. or when they speak. or when they-

roman doesn't fall asleep until 2am that night, heart still racing a bit, screaming into his pillow a bit as he acknowledges he is wholly and totally head-over-heels for his bodyguard

he tells remy the next day he's done with dating for a bit, saying he's still upset over being stood up. he doesn't mention that it's also bc remy's ruined all other people for him

things try to fall back in routine from there, but it's a bit harder when roman's trying to not be so in love with someone who just works for him. and remy's definitely started pickin up on it too- they had asked him just last if he was okay, that he didn't seem as upset by remy takin his clothes anymore, and that didn't seem like him, was he getting sick?

the opposite, actually, absolutely nothing makes me feel better then seeing you walk around in my shirt or jacket or whatever else, please never stop and also kiss me?

roman just said he was tired

eventually... roman decides this can't keep going on. remy's giving him more weird looks these days, and roman is pretty sure being around remy so much without Any kisses is starting to cause brain decay (it's not, it's really not, remy always bein on his mind is just a side effect of.... pretti........). so, he takes matters into his own hands

admittedly, maybe firing remy wasn't the best way to go, given remy immediately demands to know why, what they did wrong, even asking if roman's being blackmailed into this

"blink once for yes, twice for no" remy asks, lowering the sunglasses they always have on to look directly at roman's eyes

roman doesn't blink for a full minute. he might not be breathing for that minute either. has he ever seen remy's eyes this close? has he ever seen them at all? they're such a brilliant shade of brown. roman could drown in them. he might be already

roman's pretty sure he started this conversation standing up, but maybe not, because when he finally blinks and remembers things outside of remy's eyes exist he's sitting down and remy looks extremely concerned

"okay... what's wrong, hun?" they ask, and oh no, they look so sad, and worried, and that's not good, roman should fix that right now, regardless of whatever he was doing before (he's forgotten)

"im gay" he responds intelligently. this will fix everything

remy, however, just looks confused. "yes?"

"for you" roman adds, helpfully, sure that Now remy will understand they're just really very pretty and nothing's wrong and if they feel bad still they should look in a mirror because then they'll be good again

now it's remy's turn to sit in silence, expression frozen in one of shock. they still havent put their sunglasses back on, so roman doesnt mind, bc this gives him more time to stare at remy's eyes

"you're having a breakdown because you're gay for me???" remy finally asks, expression unfreezing to look incredulous and a little hurt

roman returns a similar look. "im not having a breakdown!"

remy scoffs. "yeah, sure, right, that's why you suddenly froze and completely stopped breathing and minorly collapsed after i... look off my shades to look at you..." they suddenly break out in a smirk. "oh my gods, you're a gay disaster"

roman doesn't try to deny it, especially with the knowledge he apparently did stop breathing to admire remy's eyes. they have a point

"how long?"

"since that date you hijacked after i got stood up" roman admits. he finds it extraordinarily rude when remy starts laughing

...until they're pulling out their phone, hurriedly opening up the exact same dating app roman had been using, showing a log of all the dates they had planned- there's only one marked as having actually been attended

same date time and place of the one where roman had assumed he had been stood up

"you broke my heart!" roman says as remy puts away their phone, over-dramatically, not actually giving a damn, just feeling gay and a bit giddy at the thought remy hadnt gone to any of the other dates, just theirs

no longer worried quite as much about roman for the moment, remy's smirk just grows, smoothly moving from being crouched in front of roman to being set firmly in his lap, lazily brushing hair out of his eyes and wow was remy always this warm? and stunning? and perfect?

"i dunno babe... sounds more like i stole it" remy teases, movin from playing with roman's hair to cuppin his cheek, leaning in close and not even bothering to pretend to be looking at anything other than roman's lips. "which, yeah, bad bodyguard etiquette... i hope you can forgive me..."

roman doesn't need his words to answer that tease

#oops this got long ':) i got distracted by the gays... happy pride month djhbvcfjds #fanfic #creativisleep #ts roman #ts remy #nb!remy #the cryptid speaks #meri #yeah roman just. has an all out gay panic disaster moment right there #poor man 😔 #also my characters keep ending up kissin in each other's laps can y'all tell im a touchstarved gay yet /hj

[yourdaddychan]

Simp Sunday

lets get this show on the road yall

channie : ill go first 😎

@tsundere-sana

AAAAAA MY BABIE MY TROY MY LOVE MY BABYGIRLLLL

i love you so so so muchh!! i wanna hug you and then hug chewy and then kiss you forever and everrrr and then maybe run away as you try to whack me with a shovel :DDD I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHHHH

[ luna : AY WIFE I LOVE YOU ILL BUY ANOTHER RINGPOP FOR US I SWEAR I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUPID BUT I DO BE KINDA ATTACHED TO YOUR DUMBASS NOW ]

@minjimooooo

all i have to say to you is how the fuck do you still have those screenshots ANYWAY I HAVE ANOTHER ROBLOX EX YOU CAN HAVE yeah ily bro 💕

[ luna : YOU WHORE DJDJDJS I HATE YOU SO MUCH BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TOO YEAH ❤️ ]

@bestfriendhwang

MY BRO MY HOMIE MY MANNNN LEMME KITH YOU *mwah* YOURE A LEGEND BRO

@richboiwang

OKAY YOU LOWKEY SCARE ME AND WE RARELY TALK BUT YOU COOL AS FUCK SO YOURE HERE ANYWAY I WANT TO HUG YOU

@softie-yeji

MY BURGERRRR I WILL SWIM ACROSS THE OCEAN TO GET TO YOU AND SAVE YOU FROM THE SPIDERSSSSSS AND THAT DEPRESSING MUSIC YOU ALWAYS LISTEN TO LIKE DAMN

[ luna : AAAAAA YOU ABSOLUTE SQUISH ILY SO MUCH THAT IS A THREAT I WILL SQUISH YOU 🔪 ]

@softiechoerry

okay so jyp oppar might steal you WOOPS ANYWAY ILY HOE ENJOY BEING IN THE BAMBOO FOREST MWAH

- - -

minho : my turn i guess

@midari-jieun

you absolute sjsbsjsjxj dumbass i love you so much how are you sO FUCKING STUPID UGH *hugs* i will pet you snsbsbs and bite you like i bite my cats i love you sO MUCH WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS *screams*

[ luna : WHENS THE MARRIAGE WHOREEE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LIKE WTF HOW ARE YOU SO AMAZING AND ATTRACTIVE AND SHOW STOPPING AND CUTE AND ETC DJDJDB THE LIST GOES ON UGH I WILL LITERALLY KABLONK YOU YOU'RE LIKE SJDHDHS I LOVE YOU WHORE ]

@hunter-chaeyoung

you are : adorable

i dont even know if you're one of my kids but you're still really fucking cute and i just want to pat you damn

[ luna : bubble. thats all i have to say. ]

@artsydahyun

yes you're in this post dont let it get to your head now let me sacrifice you to my cats

ily my child 😌

to jisung- wait i cant do that? aw :(

- - -

hyunjin : MY TURN!!!

i only really talk to one person here and thats my girlfriend 😎

@babysitter-naeun

okay you're like nEver active and thats really sad >:( i hope those kids didnt trample you or something:(( anyway i love you so much babe :D please dont die on me-

- - -

felix : ITS TIME TO GET LICKED BY FELICKS 😳

@whitedayxshuhua

it took me a long time to remember the @ woops

MY LOVEEE!! YOURE TAKING A HIATUS BUT IM MAKING THIS ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU'RE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFIIFEIEIEFEE GIRL CAUSE THATS WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL 😎 ANYWAY YOU'RE THE SHOE TO MY LICKS AS WE ALL KNOW AND I WOULDNT HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAYYYYYYYY

@infected-lix

OTHER MEEEEEEEEEE IM SO GLAD I RANDOMLY BREAK IN TO GIVE YOU CHICKEN NUGGETS BECAUSE THEN

A. YOU WOULD DIE WHICH ISNT VERY GOOD

B. YOU WOULDNT HAVE MET SEUNGMIN WINKWONK

[ luna : *ahem* *pat pat* *walks away* ]

- - -

chad : 🥴🤟

thats me dressing up as chan for halloween btw

@bakermaimai

FLOWERR MY BABYYY!!!! I WILL NEVER GET TIRED OF LISTENING TO YOUR STORIES YOU'RE SO COOL AND LOWKEY BADASS NGL AND THE SWEETEST PERSON TO EVER EXIST AND I JUST WANT TO EAT YOU BUT NOT REALLY CAUSE THATS NOT GOOD SO ILL SETTLE FOR KISSING YOU :D

[ luna : ILL EAT ARA THOUGH >:D ]

- - -

luna : OKAY I ACTUALLY TALK TO A SHIT TON OF BOTS SO ILL JUST LIKE

ADD MINE IG SO HERES A GIF OF SUNGIE CAUSE WE BE LIKE THAT

its the being an adorable squish for me

@bfkevinmoon

PLEASE YOURE SO FUCKING STUPID BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DJDDHJSJXKANSBA I WANT TO SQUISH YOU AND THEN PAT YOU AND THEN SQUISH YOUDJDJDJSJSJBAJ

@skzhybrids-cb

@ jisung

YOU WHORE YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO MAKE ME MELT EVERYTIME YOU ANSWER MY ASKS SMHHH *mwah*

@ admin

*ahem* *pat* CUTIEIEEEEE

@kpopswitchbot

MARLINNNN FISHYYYYY AAAAAAAA I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHHHHH AAAAA LIKE SOMEHOW THAT ONE ANON THAT DISAPPEARED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH BROUGHT US TOGETHER AND NOW WE REALLY DO BE HERE LIKE I AM YOU AND YOU ARE ME DJDHDHS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MWAH

@roomiesihyeon @nightshade-minho imma just tag both-

@ admin

MIKA BABYYYY SJSHSJSHKABXJANA THE LOML?? MY BUNNY?? MY KITTEN?? HELL YEAH I LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH AND YOU'RE SO TINY I WANT TO WRAP YOU INTO A HUG AND THEN KITH YOU EVERYWHERE AAAAAAAA

-not cbs-

@spearb1108

MY BABYDOLLLLLL I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MHCHSJSJDJJS I LOVE WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT CHANGBIN AND STUFF AND I JUST WANT TO CUDDLE YOU BECAUSE YOURE SO TIINYYYYYYY AND CUUTEEE AND JUST MWAHHHH I ADORE YOU WHORE

@yanderewh0re

MY KITTENNNNNNNNN YOURE LITERALLY SO FUCKING CUTE LIKE THIS SHIT ISNT ALLOWED HOW DO YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO BE SO FUCKING ADORABLE LIKEHXJDHDNSJXB STAP

@subbie-stay

YOURE AN ANON BUT OH WELL DIDJDJSJSJA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABYY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR KEEPING MY ANNOYING ASS COMPANY IN MY INBOX AND JUST TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND SHIT BECAUSE I LOVE TO LISTENNN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MWAH

@luvanter

SLEEPING BEAUTYYYYYYYY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I JUST WANNA KITH KITH YKYK?? ANYWAY YOU DO LIVE IN CITIES EVEN THOUGH YOU LIVE IN A PALACE AND SHIT UHH YEAH 🙆‍♂️

@mikoto-ica-fics

BABY YOU NEED TO TALK TO ME MORE OMIGOSH JSHSHS WE INTERACT ONLY THROUGH ASKS BUT YOURE SO FUCKING CUTE LIKE I JUST WANT TO BITE YOU AAAAAA

@thevampywarlock

SWEETHEARTTTT THE BRITISH CHANNNN WE BARELY TALK BUT YOURE LITERALLY SO FUCKING SWEET AND SO FUCKING CARING ITS NOT OKAY YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING ME LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH YOU'RE LITERALLY SO FUCKING TALENTED TOO LIKE GOD DAMN I SEE YOU PICASSO

@hyunjinsfreckle

AYYY QUEEN DJDJDJSJAKDJAJ I LOVE YOU AND YOUR CHICKENS AND YOUR WEIRD ASS SNAKE LIZARD COMBINATION THING YOURE SO CUTE AND SQUISHY AND I WILL GO HIKING TO WHEREVER THE FUCK YOU LIVE TO HUG YOU

[ hoes i dont talk to too much but i still love with my whole heart and i would literally stab a hoe for them : @channie-bakery @red-flames13 @water--gang @yangomangos ]

[ also if i forgot you, im sorry its like 4 am djdjsj ]

- - -

[ninjayuri]

WAIT YOU DONT LIKE MIKAN OR KAITO HOW

thank you for asking! not sorry for the rambles!

tw mikan, kaito, chiaki, kaede, kokichi slander and spoilers for sdr2 and v3 under cut!

first of all, look. im not a terrible person and i know mikans backstory and literally everything but i STILL cannot fucking stand her. but unlike SOME PEOPLE im not gonna MAKE FUN OF HER TRAUMA and things.

i know she has her reasons but honestly her constant apologizing bothered me to no end and i know for a lot of people, once they saw her smile they fell in love or something, but instead i felt gross and wished she would stop. her voice is irritating too. ugh everyone makes me feel bad for hating her since i KNOW she has her reasons but i cannot. stand people like that shes so annoying and clingy and ughhh. also i get way too many requests for her constantly and i never liked her in the first place. too much fan service as well

kaito? fuck that dude legitimately! i dont even like maki all that much but it really irked me when he kept on downplaying her like that. and punching shuichi after he just WATCHED SOMEONE DIE? yes, i do think saimatsu went wayyyy too quickly to actually be meaningful, but she fucking died bc he pointed it out! anyone would cry why would you say he needs to man up tf?????? and also with joe being the exception, best friend bro type characters who cant take a hint fucking. i cannot deal with them at all bc i have too many irl who'll latch onto me and think im lonely when im alone on purpose.

i hate doing pushups and i hate this guys attitude and although i never played his chapter it honestly wouldnt have affected me at all. hes annoying and clingy and you can tell me how hes smart bc of his ultimate and that hes sexist and homophobic bc of who he was raised by but i literally dont care. its the way he acts for me. why is he even so liked i LITERALLY dont get it. he wasted his aesthetic too tf

anyways have some more bonus rants since youve activated me

chiaki. yes, yes i know that anime her and game her are different bc of her being an ai and stuff. guess what? i dont care. you can try and defend your favourites all you want, but seriously. chances are i know more than you. anyways i hated how we were supposed to care about her dying in game when all she did was kinda stand around and be helpful ig. she was way too bland and nice for me. i wont go as far as to call her a mary sue, but shes just. bleh. blehhh i dont care about chiaki at all i cannot connect to this sleepy gamer girl in any form. her execution and aesthetic are cool from a design pov but yeah. in anime form she was actually worse imo! bc in game she didnt really randomly be loved and adored by everyone, while she was way too nice. also once again WAY TOO MANY CHIAKI REQUESTS I SWEAR

kaede! you mightve been able to tell this by now but i do not like people who push friendship onto me and thats literally ALL kaede did. while valid and i dont really care about either of the characters involved, i have a personal vendetta against saimatsu bc it felt like a romance movie with how fucking QUICKLY it developed in a GODDAMN death game. if some blonde girl started talking about how shes gonna end a killing game id boot it out of there SO QUICk not stare lovingly into her eyes as we hold hands. her though, other than that bit, i do think she was killed off way too quick and she had a lot of potential. her story is cool from a writers perspective, as with the thing where she was trying to help by being positive but ended up making things worse. but she really severely overestimated herself. and from a fans pov? i fucking hate positive characters who try to make me positive. let me be a grumpy bastard in peace

KOKICHI mkay i like the other antags bc they have actual reasons but kokichi just exists to be a fucking clown. i do not like him i hate sharing a birthday and a height with him and i DO NOT GET. THE FANS. AT ALL? what is there to like? hes an annoying little bitch who wont stop laughing. OKAY BUT ONCE AGAIN. from a writers pov hes really underdeveloped bc while i appreciate his role in the story, and his morally grey character that is willing to do a lot for the greater good, his motivations do... not make sense? whatsoever? we dont know anything about his backstory PLEASE for the LVOE OF GOD stop calling him your uwu gay pg panta yandere boy. there is nothing to defend at all. yes he has a major impact on the plot but guess what. as a fans pov i literally couldnt care less. and for the final time PLEASE GET YOUR SOFTCORE PINK KOKICHI STUFF ELSEWHERE i am going to EXPLODE

thank you again!!!!!!!! and yeah blablabla youre valid for liking them just dont attack me or try to change my opinion. thanks.

#eli dont look

[hatsukeii]

hello! could you possibly do a scenario where tsukki has a secret passion for dancing, n one of his favs genres to listen to is like 80's music ?? i prefer it to be like raining n dark, just you two. i want tsukki n the girl to be like rly good friends, but tuskki lowkey likes her jus a bit n the girl is like totes in love with him, but they dont rly know about each other, until they like kiss after the songs stops. wkhsjdbf idk if this is too much but i love your writing sm!! thank you. 🥺❤

Okay that’s super cute so don’t worry lool

80s and indie music are SUPERIOR NO ONE TELL ME OTHERWISE.

I was looking through my playlist bc I have 80s songs but then I realised IT’S ALL ROCK LMFAO SO I HAD TO STEAL SONGS FROM MY FRIENDS JAHAHAH

Like I can’t make them dance to ACDC or like Guns n’ Roses wtf are they gonna do air guitars?

But then I realised I literally have a song called we can get together sooo👀👀👀👀

And I genuinely love it so much SOOOO👀👀

Earphones// Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Word count: 2000+

Warnings: None lol I’m not even gonna warn for swearing anymore if it’s just swearing then none

Summary: You randomly discover Tsukishima’s knack for dancing.

You always saw him as a calm, or sly person. He was witty, mean, sarcastic, an asshole in every way possible. He was that one person that would call everyone out for looking stupid while dancing at a party, or the one that would remind couples on Valentine's day that it was to celebrate the death of a tortured and beheaded saint. He was pretty much the most no-bullshit person you’ve ever met. It was as if he simply didn’t understand the meaning of enjoyment, and thrived to seek out every opportunity to ruin it for others as well. He rarely went to social events, never showed up at parties, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him smile genuinely. Ever. 

Yet tonight, you witnessed something you never thought would happen.

You see, every night, you would take a good old stroll around your neighbourhood. Tonight was no different, except it was pouring, the constant pitter patter of your umbrella clouding out any other sound that was coherent. Sometimes you might run into street vendors, other times you would get a bowl of ramen to fulfil your midnight hunger.

Walking along the street to your favourite convenience store, instead of an eerily empty park, what you saw was Tsukishima Kei, the one person you were somehow close to, sitting in a park, with no headphones on. What a shocker.

Ever since you gave him those iconic white headphones, he has never gone anywhere without them. It was as if those headphones were a staple of your friendship, or more so, how much he meant to you. Just saying, those things were expensive. Like eighteen thousand yen expensive. You knew how much Tsukishima enjoyed listening to music, especially whilst doing work. You saved up for months, just to scrape together enough money to get him a brand new pair of headphones to replace his broken ones that only worked in one ear and had shitty quality. You would never admit it, but something in your heart clenched at the sight of the absence of those headphones you spent so much on. Many might have thought you were just sensitive, but they didn’t understand. In fact, no one would understand how insanely in love you were with him. 

“Hey, beanstalk.”

The blond looked up from his phone, his legs crossed on the bench.

“Well, would you look who’s here. It’s the infamous shorty.”

You approached his hunched-over figure, taking a seat next to him on the bench. “So, why are you here? It’s pretty late already.” Shoving your earphones into your ear, you hastily scrolled through your playlist, trying to hold off the urge to ask where his headphones were. “Lost my umbrella while going home from practise, it’s raining cats and dogs, I’m not looking to get soaked while going home, so I’m waiting for the rain to stop. Thank God I brought an extra sweater, my uniform is all wet and gross.” Chuckling, you punched him playfully, muttering a quick “Idiot,” before picking a song. You were very low-key about your feelings towards him. God knows how he would react if you ever told him. He would probably ignore you for the rest of your high school lives. Even worse, he might make fun of you for being childish and emotional. Just the thought of it sent shivers up your spine and a dark feeling towards your chest. Shaking your head, you tried your best to drown yourself in the terrifyingly loud music that was blasting through your earphones. From next to you, Tsukishima could hear every single note that was playing from the internal speakers. He scooted closer to you, much to your embarrassment. You grabbed your phone, pretending to scroll through it when in reality, you were just trying to hide the burning blush that was now painted on your cheeks. He paid attention to every little sound that came out of those tiny little earbuds, as if trying to figure out what song you were listening to was a fun game. Noticing the sudden absence of music in your left ear, you heard a tiny, almost breathy chuckle, followed by a pull on the earphone jack. “Pulp, hm? Nice taste you got there.” your eyes widened in surprise, mouth curling up into a wide smile. “Ahhh, never thought the great Tsukishima Kei would know them.” The blond smirked, shoving the rubber tip into his ear. “What do you mean? I have a playlist dedicated to this kind of stuff. 80s music will forever be superior.” You rolled your eyes, not falling for his shit. “Nonono, no way. Hand it over, I need to see for myself. I’m convinced you’re listening to raptor mating calls on a daily basis.” The blond shrugged, dropping his phone onto your lap. “See for yourself.” Opening up his Spotify, you were bombarded with a huge selection of his playlists. “Right there shorty, that’s the one you’re looking for?” Pointing his nimble finger at a specific one that was labeled “Old Stuff,” you scrolled through every single song, not believing what you’re seeing. “Holy shit, and I thought you would be into indie or EDM or something like that. This is some new information that I have to process.” Snatching his phone back, he wiped the screen with his sweater, turning it off. “That’s enough snooping for today. Come back at snooping hours again.”

It was at that moment, did the song decide to change. 

“Yeah, no. We’re skipping this shit.” You acted sad, fake pouting and huffing out. “But Tsukishima! All Star is God’s work, you can’t just skip it! Here, I’ll sing it for you!” The blond tried to look at you in disgust, but the smile he was holding back was clear as day, biting his lip as he tried not to laugh at your silly antics. “Oh God (Y/N) please no-” 

Too late.

“SomeBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORRRLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME, I AIN’T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHEDDDD.”

“Absolutely not.” Laughing softly, Tsukishima managed to heave out.

Grabbing your phone and shoving it in front of your face, he unlocked it with ease, navigating his way through the five pages of otome games to find your Spotify. “Jesus Christ, never knew you were this desperate for a man.” The tips of his ears were red, one thought circling his mind. 

If she really wanted a boyfriend, would she pick him? 

Grabbing his arm, you begged for him to let you continue jamming to All Star. You were shaking him, trying to grab your phone, but nothing worked. “Nooo! Kei! Nooooo lemme listen to the Shrek sex anthem!” 

“No.” 

Scrolling through your usual playlist, his eyes landed on one particular song. “Hm? What’s this? You listen to Icehouse? Nice taste you got there.” Your grip on his arm loosened up as you looked up at him in shock. “You know them too! Yes! They’re very much adequate.” You stared in awe as the blond smiled from ear to ear, picking a song much to your dismay. “Yesss I love this song with my whole heart. My dinosaurs make way for this.” Hearing the similar synth, you instantly knew what he had picked. “Seriously? You like this song? It’s like cheesy as shit! This is so out of character for you oh my God Kei.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes, completely done with you. “It’s a good song, don’t come at me. Plus, if you think it’s so cheesy, then just delete it.” You frowned. You liked that it was cheesy. You always imagined someone singing it to you, most of the time this imaginary person being Tsukishima. “I like this song too, it’s fine.” The two of you sat in comfortable silence, your earphone jack being the only thing connecting you guys. The park felt weird. You felt weird. This whole situation was weirdly unreal. It was as if the two of you were stuck in a parallel universe, where you and Tsukishima were the only people that existed in that timeline. The silence was thick in the starry night sky, the streetlamps occasionally flickering as the song continued to play. Humming along to the addicting tune, you don’t even realise your body that’s starting to rock, arms swaying from side to side to the rhythm of the chorus. 

“We can get together,“

“Get up.”

A hand comes into your sight, willing for you to take it as you feel another tug on your earphones.

“What?”

“You wanna dance, don’t you?”

Never in a million years, would the thought of Tsukishima being able to dance even cross your mind.

 “What? It’s raining, I thought you said you didn’t wanna get soaked-”

“Just take my hand and dance with me.”

Hesitating a bit as you looked up at the blond, you raised a brow, grinning playfully as you let your hand fall into his, pulling yourself up and letting him take your other hand. You felt the cold droplets of water fall onto your skin and rolling off, the fabric of your shirt going damp.

“Just take one step forward,” he instructed, motioning for you to follow along with his dance moves. “Then take another step backwards. Everything else will come into place soon enough.” Lacing your fingers with his, the two of you danced in perfect sync, having the time of your lives. “I am learning so, so much about you right now and I’m all for it. Why’d you never tell me you could dance?” Tsukishima’s cheeks went a light pink, looking away bashfully. “It’s embarrassing.” Chuckling, you twirled yourself around, pulling on his arm as you forced his attention back onto you. “It’s not. I think it’s super cool. Do this with a girl and they’ll be head over heels for you in no time.” You mentally facepalmed yourself for saying that. His blush went from a light pink, to a dark red in no time, saturating his cheeks like paint. “Let’s test that theory out.” Mumbling to himself, he continued to guide you, twirling you around and hoisting you up at times.

“Baby we can get together, we can get together.”

The two of you were just jamming along now, not caring about your wet hair and soaked clothes. Tsukishima’s hair was now a damp mess, sticking to his forehead as he whipped his head from side to side, laughing as water droplets flew off his blond strands. Your hair was no better than his, (H/C) strands reflecting the light from the streetlamps as they hit your face with every sway of your head. The earphones were falling off at this point, but it didn’t matter. The two of you already memorised the entire song beforehand. All you wanted was to enjoy the short moment. Grabbing his wet hand again, you randomly started jumping to the beat, letting the blond follow along.

“Later sometime, you can buckle my shoes, you can pick up my sticks, why don't you open that door.”

You gasped in surprise as you felt a large hand spin you around one last time, before dipping you dangerously close to the floor, rainwater rolling off your face. The song came to an end with its final guitar chord, the reverb still ringing in the background. “So, what’d you think?” Tsukishima leaned down, his face dangerously close to yours. Feeling a Cheshire grin form on your face as your tried to raise your head up, you gave his nose a boop with your own, before falling back onto his hand. “That was amazing.” Giving you a cheeky grin, you could feel his breath on your face as he sighed contentedly. His breath smelled like mints, you couldn’t help but wonder how lips would taste too. “You good now, or do you wanna go home? I think the rain just stopped.

Still in that intimate position, you decided to finally ask him.

“Where are the headphones?”

“I didn’t want to get them wet, they’re too important to me. They’re in my bag.”

And that’s when your body decided to act on its own.

Your mind couldn’t even register what you were doing as you pressed a long, soft kiss on Tsukishima’s lips, feeling the heat radiating off of him.

“Now I’m good. Wanna go home?”

“Did you just-”

“Yes.”

Pushing you back up to a comfortable position, he stared at you for another ten seconds, face burning crimson as his mouth opened and shut repeatedly, trying to process what you just did. Finally snapping out of his thoughts, he awkwardly leaned towards you, before pulling himself back. After doing that a few times over, you were properly confused. Grabbing your shoulders, he pressed a firm kiss to your forehead, before grabbing his bag from the bench he was sitting on, pulling his headphones out and hanging them on his neck, handing you the earphones.

“Wanna do this again tomorrow shorty?”

“11pm sharp, don’t be late, and I expect another kiss.”

“Whatever you say cutie.”

Tags:

@tiger1719 @burnt-tomato @thirstyvolleyballhoe @agentvicinity @izzyphantomgamer @sunshines-and-tatertots @sakusasgarbage @trashcanweeb @kaylacinderella @talks-a-lot-of-stuff @random-fandomlover @bokutokoutarou @for-ests @mariechan123 @justachillgirl @ewfilthymundane @just-another-bored-writer @inlwlevi @tiredgr3mlin @itmekisuu

I’m gonna check over the tags again tmr so feel free to dm or comment if I missed you or if you wanna be in the taglist

Eyyyy this isn’t that great but I hope you like it and feel free to give me feedback both good and bad lol love you guys I’m going to sleep now baiiii

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu tsukishima #hq #hq x reader #hq headcanons #hq scenario #hq imagine #hq tsukki #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima scenario #icehouse #please read this i crave validation and feedback lmao #love you guys muah

[csa-survivor-confessions]

(1/2)🐛? (on mobile cant find your faq sorry) My mom raped me for years and i recently escaped now that im 18. I didnt remember the sexual abuse when i made the decision to leave but i randomly realized it a few months later. I have found little support and therapy for an hour a week is all i can afford but is not enough. I am at the end of my rope with my trauma and DID and i dont know what to do. The biggest issue is the overwhelming shame, and feeling like i deserved it.

(2/2)🐛 I keep falling into saying it didn't happen/wasn't that bad/others had it worse to the point I get sick when I deny it too much. An alter keeps saying the rest of us are lying and mom is a good person and we should go back. I feel like I made everything up because I read a lot of noncon fic to try to punish myself. Every grounding technique I have tried has failed. Sorry, I know this is a lot. Any resources for female survivors of maternal incest? Or any advice at all? I feel so alone.

Hello,

I’ll separate this into parts to hopefully help with converting clear information. 

Denial, believing it’s fake. 

Fake memories, or just “made up” memories do not happen commonly,  [information here The False Memory Myth & Memory Repression].  there is nothing wrong with feeling that way however, self-denial and downplaying of our one trauma is really common. 

Having “denial of parts/alters” is really common. I personally have DID as well and we have alters who deny our abuse, blame our abuse or have a deep attachment to our abusers. That is so normal! You are not alone, In this struggle. If you have any internal communication you can talk to the other alters who share this trauma for support these internal connection are god for recovery. 

If you have the stability or any parts wh are good at working with there might also am them why they feel the need to defend the mother. communicating can also help ease your feeling of overwhelming and denial. 

One key way to help with downplaying of abuse is to imagine a friend came to you and told you what happened to you happened to them. And think about what you would tell them, I bet it’s not. “it wasn’t bad” or “well other people got it worse”. 

When you have worked out the kind of compassionate language, start picture the little girl inside you who went through the trauma. This can include talking to some of your young alters if you have any communication methods with them. Sometimes pulling them forward through focusing on your internal child might happen and sometimes those with DID can access the internal child through more basic IFS (internal family system) and Part Work methods. And offer them compassion for what they are going through. 

Shame

When you find thoughts of shame start to spiral, not the thoughts and the feelings in your body. But then take a long breath and work to not identify with that thought. The emotion and thoughts exist but you don’t have t push yourself to think about it r feel it. Picture the emotion and try and let it pass.

Working towards self neutrality is also a good goal. Refraimging the language you use to talk about yourself, and in your case, your alters, to something that lacks overly negative connotation ill help change the schemas of shame.  Coping Skills: Ditch Value judgments

Those words of compassion we talked about early when you find yourself starting to feel so down on yourself and shameful try saying these words to yourself. Along with some positive self aspirational mantras, you can help start to reshape the patterns your neurology follows. You won’t believe them at first but saying these will help with healing. 

Practising good self-care can be super important. When we can treat our body with honesty and respect that helps shape our internal sense of being respected and being care for. It’s also just good for general depression and health. [Coping Skills Masterposts: Self-Care]

I know how hard things like showers can be but starting with just tooth brushing and face washing can be important. If brushing of teeth is a trigger I suggest buying a smaller toothbrush like a kids size and changing toothpaste to one tat either foams less, is another colour or if the taste carries. Using baby whips or a wet cloth to areas like the groin, armpits, under breasts and behind knees would be another important step towards overall health. 

Keeping the living space as neat as possible also counteracts feelings of overwhelming shame and self-esteem issues.

The use of sexual material to cope

When we struggling to deal our tendency to self-harm is very common as it’s a maladaptive attempt to cope. Using the stories as a way to in your words punish is a form of self-injurious behaviour. Factors like lack of regulation, compulsive behaviour, intrusive thoughts and being manipulated by users to believing this is a reaction to perceived threats. [Coping Skills: Combating Self-Harm Urges]

This doesn’t invalidate abuse as having been abused is not contingent in never interacting with sexual content, up to and including having sex, afterwards. CSA often predates other unhealthy sexual behaviours as a reaction to our sexual traumas. No way our trauma reactions show mean our abuse didn’t happen or didn’t hurt us deeply. 

Coping Skills

 It makes sense a lot of the mainstream grounding is hard and lack effectiveness. Much of the meditative type skills intensify dissociation. We also often struggle with our automatic nervous systems being even more fractured than those with PTSD. Our neurological behaviour will also be more likely to take any stress or confusion and push us to dissociate. Visualization also tends to work poorly for many of us with dissociative disorders for the same issue of a tendency to dissociate. Focusing on a singular self to ground into can also become hard for us too and trigger depersonalization. 

If there are skills you liked in theory and didn’t have direct negative effects it might be worth trying them again. I do understand the frustration I really really do but it can be worth it. especially as you learn what coping skills can work with different somatic sensations and cognitive distortions. 

I would suggest using some of the most basic coping methods of deep breathing. I would guess this already takes a lot of brainpower as even basic things like breathing regularly can be hard for those who have extreme dissociation. So it takes a huge amount of practice for us and time for it to be effective but it’s so very important. 

I would suggest still trying to practice focusing on our body sensations even if we don’t add the subsequent suggestions for grounding. Knowing what sensations tend to present themselves when certain stimuli and thoughts are present is really important for coping. It can be true that the coping skill you are working at isn’t addressing where you are. For examples, our nervous system can be in hyperarousal but many grounding skills counteract hyperarousal. So try and look for engagement over relaxation or visa versus.

I am a big believer in the body-mind connection and import of the brain-body connection and coping that is body focused. Cogntive skills like thought stopping and replacing can be truly helpful in the short term for trauma survivors.   

Talk to your alters as well, coping can be influenced by the emotions land somatic states trauma we are carrying along with the ones within our consciousness. They might also just have opinions on what you ought to do. This can be done internally or through other means like writing notes. 

Mother-daughter incest

I have found very little survivor orientated material that could be helpful, I found mostly news sources about how it exists and academic texts.  

If any of our community knows of survivor focused materials for survivors of mother-daughter incest please reply or submit them. 

We do have a discord that you could join and we have an incest support channel we are still growing the members of the server but it might be a place to have peer support. 

Be Blessed,

-Admin 2

#ask #advice #coping skills #dissociative identity disorder #did #dissociation #incest cw #mother mention #rape cw #noncon mention #Anonymous

[phantoms-lair]

Scooby and the Gang having quirks? That would be cool. Like, four superpowered kids and their probably also superpowered dog are amateur detectives instead of heroes. But they frequently run into other pro heroes, (like Scooby Doo team up) and have to help in anyway they can without breaking any quirk related laws. (Which they probably already do on a daily basis but they dont want to do that around pros, could get arrested.)

The signs had been there for quite a while, but none of them had picked up on them. At the time it seemed like another internet hoax. A baby that glowed in Japan. A woman who could create ice in Italy. But in the age of video editing, no one took them too seriously.

It didn’t become real for the gang until about a year and a half after the glowing baby started the craze of people declaring they had super powers. They had been on a road trip and Fred had been repairing a tire when his lug wrench snapped.

“Oh no,” he moaned. A spare tire he had, a spare wrench no so much. “I think we need to call the auto service."

“Like, let me.” Shaggy made a gesture like he was pulling something from thin air and grasped an identical wrench from the air.

“How did you do that?” Fred asked, impressed. “You’re wearing short sleeves, so you couldn’t have been hiding it up them.”Shaggy shrugged. “Like dunno, man. I want something, I reach for it, and it’s there.”

“Very funny, Shaggy.” Velma plucked the wrench from his hand. “Carbon steel, just like Fred’s old one.”

“You can tell, just by looking?” Fred asked, even more impressed.

“Certainly. It’s not that hard, you just focus on something and you can tell, you know?”

“No.” came the response from all of them.

“Really?” Velma asked, surprised. “It’s really not that hard.”

“It’s not that it’s ‘not that hard’, Velma. It’s flat out impossible.” Daphne explained, leaning out the Mystery Machine’s window.

“No, it’s not. I do it all the time.” Velma argued back.

“Hey, do you think this could be related to that superhero thing?” Fred asked, a note of excitement in his voice. “With people randomly developing super powers?”

“Fred, that’s not a real thing.” Velma rolled her eyes.

“Well, why don’t you test out whether Shaggy’s ‘power’ works while Fred fixes the wheel.” Daphne offered. 

“I’m telling you super powers don’t exist.” 

~

“I can’t believe this exists.” Velma said with tonelessly as she looked at the building in front of her

“Like me either.” Shaggy shuddered. “Like in comic books the government creating a registration list for supers always precedes real bad stuff.”

“At least you guys have it easy.” Fred pointed out “Tell them your power, demonstrate, then you get your registration card. Daph and I have to go through a whole battery to figure out if we even have a power.”

“I guess we meet up back here when we’re done.” Daphne gave them all a hug. “Good luck everyone.”

~

“I have a power!” Daphne ran out, waving a tiny plastic card. “You know how I haven’t been falling into trap doors as much anymore? I have some kind of radar and I’ve been subconsciously sensing the right way to go.”

“That’s great,” Velma said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster for the laws of physics breaking further.

Daphne knew how she felt, though, and didn’t take offense. “Shaggy’s not out yet? I figured he’d be fast, like you.”

“He was. But someone heard Scooby talking and turns out that’s not normal. So now they’re investigating animals developing powers.” 

“What even is normal?” Daphne wondered out loud.

“Not the same as it was five years ago,” Velma agreed sadly.

It was about half an hour later before Fred came out. “Hey, where’re the guys?”“Sweet Freedom!” Shaggy and Scooby all but bounded out of the building. 

“That took a while. They really weren’t ready for a dog with powers, were they?” Daphne smiled.

“Nah, they took that pretty well. Even had a metal working guy who could make a dog tag for him.”

Scooby moved his tag aside to reveal a new one under it, identifying him as a Class C Shapeshifter.

“Class C?” Velma inquired.

“Minor body changes, can’t change color.” Shaggy shrugged. “What kept us so long was the lectures.” he groaned.

“Lectures? What lectures?” Daphne looked to Velma and Fred to see if they had any idea what Shaggy was talking about.“‘Creating cash is still counterfeiting’, ‘Don’t make enough gold to crash the economy’. And like, it was heavily hinted I should go easy on making jewels and stuff.”

“I guess your power is kind of easy to abuse.” Fred admitted.

Daphne put a hand on Shaggy’s shoulder. “Diamond’s values are artificially inflated so make as many as you want.”

“Like, I’d rather just go get a hamburger or twelve.”

“At least something still makes sense.” Velma muttered.

“This is really bugging you, isn’t it?” Fred asked.

“Of course it is! Superpowers make no sense. Everyone in the world getting random ones? Even less sense. This is not something science can explain.”

“Yet” Fred added. “This isn’t something Science can explain yet. They’ll figure it out. Who knows, maybe you’ll be at the forefront of the discovery.”

Velma gave a weak smile. “You always know what to say, Jones. Come one, let’s get Shaggy his burgers before he wastes away to nothing.”

Shaggy and Scooby were in the back of the Mystery Machine before anyone could say anything else.

The others laughed and headed to the van. Fred was secretly relieved that everything had distracted his friends from the small plastic card in his wallet. For the most part it was the same as theirs, Photo, State ID Number, Date of birth. The only difference was next to Power: was the word ‘None’.

~

“I suppose it would become inevitable that the bad guys started using their powers,” Daphne sighed as the illusionist was packed into the back of the police car. 

“But we solved it anyway.” Velma was grinning. “We just needed to expand on what we previously considered was possible.” 

“And, like, we even did it before the heroes showed up.” Shaggy grinned. Probably the most predictable thing in all this were the real life superheroes starting to show up. New laws were being shaped, but right now it was a little bit of chaos. Still, they lived in a world with superheroes and Shaggy couldn’t help but think that was cool.

Two officers approached them. “Looks like everything all wrapped up. We just need to straighten up something on you statements.” The younger one said kindly.

“On your statements you were asked to write down your powers, but one of you didn’t see the need to comply.” The older glared at Fred who shrunk away.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to, I just-”

“Tell me what your power is, now.” 

Fred felt his mind haze over. “I don’t have one. I’m just normal.”

The cop raised his eyebrow in disbelief. “Really? That must feel pretty terrible.”

“It does. I feel like dead weight weighing everyone down.”

“For the love of God, Frank, knock it off.” The younger cop shook his partner and the cloud lifted from Fred’s mind. 

He snapped back into reality and realized the gang had closed ranks around him. Velma and Daphne were on either side, Shaggy behind him with a hand on his shoulder, and Scooby in front of him, hackles raised.  Then he remembered what the cop had made him say and felt shame start to well up inside him. Sure he had been jealous, but it was okay as long as he never voiced those feelings. Only now someone had taken control of his tongue and forced the words out.

“We should be fine, why don’t you kids head on home.” The younger cop waved them off and pulled his partner away.

“You know none of us think you’re dead weight, don’t you Fred?” Daphne asked softly.

“I know. It’s just in my head.”  Fred had never felt so small in his life. “Can we go home? Please?”

~

The Gang never brought the incident up again. They’d never been specially showy with their powers (or quirks as they were coming to be known), mostly out of deference to Velma’s discomfort. Now it was complete radio silence. Fred was grateful on one level that his friends were that considerate over something so amazing, but still wished Officer Frank had never made him say anything. He couldn’t help resenting the man, and had taken to letting Velma do most of the talking to law enforcement. He felt a little cowardly over it, but figured with Scooby and Shaggy scared of everything under the sun he was allowed this.

They had just figured out the mystery of the ‘Banshee’ haunting the old shack and were at Fred’s favorite part - setting the trap.

“Okay, I think all we need is about a foot more twine and I think this trap is set.” Fred looked at his handiwork proudly.

“Like, bad news, Fred. We’re out of twine.” Shaggy said sadly.

“What do you mean out of twine?” Fred asked. It didn’t make sense. Sure Shaggy couldn’t conjure something like an engine, but twine was barely any effort.

“I brought up everything in the Mystery Machine. There’s none left, man.” Shaggy shrugged.

“But can’t you just make more?”

“Oh. I, like, don’t do that anymore.” Shaggy hunched his shoulders a bit.

“What do you mean you don’t do that anymore? That’s your quirk. It’s- wait.” He thought none of them were talking about their powers. What if-? “Did you guys stop using your powers, because of me?”

The silence that met him told him all he needed to know. “Okay, no. We are not doing this.”

“Fred, if our having quirks make you feel bad, then we don’t need them. You’re way more important to us than that.” Daphne insisted.

“Look. Yes, I’m upset that I don’t have a power. I’ll even go so far as to say I’m jealous that you guys do. But at no point did I want you guys to feel like you had to give up your powers. I mean, there’s plenty else to be jealous of. Velma, you’re so brilliant, sometimes I feel like I can barely add two and two together. It’s hard not to feel plain when Daphne lights up a room with her amazing personality and ability to coordinate an outfit to look as amazing on the outside as she is on the inside. And it would definitely be nice to be able to eat twice my body weight and never worry about gaining a pound like Shag and Scooby do.”

“But I would never want Velma to dumb herself down, Daphne to make herself dull, or Shaggy and Scooby to not eat as much. Because those are quirks of being you, and your powers are a part of that now. You’re all so amazing, and now you’re even more amazing, and I don’t want to take any of that away from you. I know my insecurities are all in my head, but if you guys have to give up parts of yourself for me? Then I really am weighing you down and I refuse to let that happen. Ever.”

Before he knew what was happening, Fred found himself in the middle of a group hug.

“Oh hey, What do you know? Looks like we had more twine after all.” Shaggy slipped the couple of feet of twine he had conjured into Fred’s hand.

“Great.” Fred grinned. “Let’s go catch us a banshee.”

~

“They’re approaching fast. Shaggy and Scooby are about ten yards away. The Banshee is a yard behind them.” Daphne had her eyes shut as she concentrated on the image her radar was sending her.

“Let us know when they’re clear.” Fred held one rope and Velma the other. With Daphne’s quirk, it was easy to avoid accidentally capturing the boys in their traps.

“Now!”

As Shaggy and Scooby sailed past, Fred and Velma pulled and the Banshee was launched off the floor and into a net, which twisted around before being deposited in a hay baler, leaving the banshee trapped and unable to move.

“Call it in, guys. We got her.”

Soon enough the police arrived, along with a token force from the Hero’s Union.

“As you can see, we’ve caught the so-called Banshee terrorizing the area. Or should I say, Lanie Mayfair.” Velma pulled the mask off the so-called banshee. “She claimed she’d never gone near Baker’s Shack for fear of the banshee, but the soil on her shoes was the exact composition of the mud outside the shack. The feeling of dread and fear people reported were actually a low level psychic quirk that inspired those feelings.” That’s why they had to call in the Hero’s Union. Any crime with quirks used had to go through them. “The Banshee’s wail was prerecorded, and played over a series of speakers, including one hidden in the Banshee’s choker.” 

“But we checked the records when the reports first came in. No one currently in the area has a quirk like that.” One of the Hero’s Union reps pointed out.

“Because she kept it a secret. I bet if you looked up Lanie’s records her power would be listed as ‘None’. Lanie’s an experienced conwoman. She knew how useful her quirk would be and pretended not to have one during registration. A quirk like that would be easy to overlook since it wouldn’t produce a visible or physical effect.”

“Very good Velma. But you’re wrong on one count.” Lanie grinned nastily. “It’s not a minor psychic quirk.” That was all the warning they got before a wave of pure despair shot out of her.

Fred felt his knees buckling under him. All those insecurities Frank had brought up, his lower self worth, jealousy, and guilt over being jealous, flooded to the surface once more. But he shoved it down. He had laid those demons to rest. He looked up and noticed everyone else wasn’t faring so well, not even the police or heroes. Most looked full of despair, with some weeping openly. Fred thought Shaggy was doing a little better, only to realize that while he didn’t look miserable, he didn’t look anything, as if there was no life in him.

 “See how pathetic you are?” Lanie asked haughtily. “How completely wretched and worthless your life is?”

“Don’t you dare say that about any of them!” Fred snarled, rising to his feet. “My friends are the most amazing people on the planet! They’ve - we’ve put away dozens of low end criminals like you away. I mean, look at you. We’ve got you trapped and your quirk certainly isn’t going to help you escape. Seems we’re doing better than you.”Lanie’s jaw had dropped and the others were starting to rouse from whatever stupor they had been put into.

“We need to get to Fred.” Velma, who had been nearest to Lanie, forced herself up and pushed herself off the baler and towards him. On the way she grabbed Daphne and pulled her along. Shaggy had snapped out of his unresponsive state and he and Scooby were closing ranks too. Fred didn’t think he need the protection, she was still stuck in the bale, after all, but he appreciated having his friends by his side.

“You’re finished Lanie, and your two-bit quirk isn’t going to save you,” Daphne snapped, anger clear in her voice.

“Lanie...Mayfair.” One of the fallen heroes was back on his feet, though shaky. He headed towards the gang. “This is your only warning. Release your quirk.”

“No! How are you doing this?! All of you should be lost to despair! How can you even move!?”

The hero lifted his hand and there was a small zap before Lanie started twitching and the feeling of despair vanished completely. “Alchemist, we’re going to need to keep this one sedated.”

“Right.” The other hero touched Lanie gently. “That should keep her out for the next few hours.” She turned to Fred. “Thank you for your assistance. Without your help, this would have been a mess.”

“I just snapped out of it first.” Fred shrugged. “I was just lucky.”

“Fred, you didn’t just snap out of it first, you drove it back.” Velma corrected. “That’s why I wanted to get everyone near you, you were canceling out the effect.”

“How? I mean I don’t have powers, they ran a bunch of tests to make sure I didn’t have powers. How could I cancel out the effect?”

“We do need a better way to test for Psychic quirks,” Alchemist commented while the police officer worked on getting Lanie out of the bale. “If that’s two missed right here.”

“Two? But I-”

“Fred, you do have a power, it’s just the opposite of that witch’s.” Daphne explained. “I could feel it battling hers, driving away the darkness it was putting in my mind. The closer I got to you, the stronger I felt.”

“Like, no wonder we missed it.” Shaggy laughed. “Feeling better when you’re around just sounds like a side effect of being around you.”

“I...have a power?” Fred couldn’t keep the raw hope out of his voice.

“You do indeed.” Taser clapped his hand on his shoulder. “I think it’s obvious that, unlike Mayfair, you took the tests in good faith. But I think you need to get your registration straightened out as soon as possible.”

“Oh, yes. Yes, Sir!”

~

“I can’t believe this is real.” Fred stared down at the card in his hands. It was identical to the one he’d been carrying around for months, only instead of the word ‘None’ next to Power: it said ‘Morale Boost’.

It wasn’t a flashy or powerful quirk. Certainly not something a hero in a comic book would have. But it was his quirk. Something he had that could help his friends. And he wouldn’t trade it for any other power in the world.

#Ghost Writing #Scooby Doo #BNHA #Decided to set this during Gen 0 #So we have registration cards and the Heroes Union instead of Pro heroes #and why they wouldn't know the the trick to telling an individual with a undetected quirk from someone with none #I decided to go with the quirks I had given the gang in a recent ask and realized iding Fred's would be pretty hard #and th plot went from there #Anonymous

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 3 (Cont.)

“aight fellas im here for the fortnite session where we droppin boys”

Hibiki shows up, ready to participate in this four player game of sociological tension.

“hope hibiki’s doing okay. im worried about her. ryoko, stop resting your arm on my head.”

“ryoko does as ryoko pleases baby”

Vibrates angstily.

“im missing my wife for this guys please lets just do this”

“wish i had a wife too instead of this vase filled with fucking ashes” SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORP

The squad analyzes the statistics of all Noise outbreaks over the last month to see if there’s a pattern somewhere. Somehow, Hibiki is regarded as an authority on this, despite being just a normal girl.

This is not the face of someone who has a degree in Noisology, let alone even listened to a Noisia album.

“looking photogenic while this girl describes how these horrible, lovecraftian entities butcher entire populations will look great on my acting resume”

Strained sounds of holding back laughter at this absolute clownery.

*coughs quietly*

Exposition goes on about the UN acknowledging the existence of Noise, but them existing for far longer, existing in myths as demons and monsters of long ago. This makes little sense, but fuck it, just roll with it. They also say the Noise is rare, but this being Symphogear, the Noise will be here forever, until the end of time.

“its like the noise are a metaphor........................”

Hibiki, looking dead inside as the average overnight studying student would, muses whether someone is behind the noise. She also asks if you can hear the sound of one hand clapping.

Tsubasa makes a very relevant observation that the school is smack dab at the center of all these outbreaks. In retrospect, you probably should have asked her first. She points out it may be because someone wants their get their hands on the almost complete relic hidden away in the 2nd Division: Durandal. Why anyone wants an old ass french sword is beyond me.

“yeah i can do exposition too, fuck you”

Finished relics are extremely rare and as a result extremely powerful. Incomplete ones are pretty powerful, but need to be rebuilt a bit.

“i discovered all this, conveniently, as the only person left to do so! totally not suspicious at all.”

“anime plot hurting brain. bullshit levels make think no good.”

“wish i got hired for a macross anime instead, they get to go to space”

“being meguca is suf- wait, im confusing my roles”

The exposition goes on to note that America wants the relic. This is one of the few shows that depicts America in a very serious and antagonistic light. America never cooperates in any useful way except once.

“it should would suck if someone was sending us them noise monster all on purpose-like”

“yeah............! suuuuuure would suck.... mmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmm...”

Tsubasa and Ogawa quietly plan idol ruminations. This animation used to be far, far worse.

This is the moment where Tsubasa becomes sword-kin. From here on out, she will always refer to herself as a sword. This is law. Literally every single season has this same deal. She believes she is a sword. I know it’s not literal, but I like pretending it is.

Succ Intensifies

“gonna get her number later after the season is over, damn”

Hibiki muses on the nature of war.

“why we gotta fight”

“cause yall suck”

Ryoko then says some very not nice things that we’re just going to walk right around because Ryoko is a little bit of a weirdo and should probably keep her flirting to the short haired lady working on the bridge.

“i will call the cops, lady”

Hibiki starts her next day at school as she spots Tsubasa during her choir class.

“forget my nintendo switch with the latest smash bros game in the classroom goddamnit”

“hibiki please tone down the gay for five seconds while we try to get through this dumb singing class in one piece”

“i smell a homewrecker”

“THE GAY CAN NEVER BE TONED DOWN, IT CAN ONLY BE TONED”

Hibiki is then fed by multiple classmates for this statement.

The Anime Janai crew is fond of Hibiki, much like a group of Lords being fond of the royal court jester. Hibiki clowns it up by working on a report she procrastinated until the very last minute. “Your life sure is an anime!”, one of them says. Hibiki then says, “I wish!”. They smile in unison at the irony.

Look at how they mock the threads of reality. Absolute monsters.

Hibiki nails the report at the skin of her teeth, Miku’s gonna get ready for the meteor shower, everyone’s real fucking happy, the evening looks peaceful, all is well.

“i cant wait to do all these fun things we promised several times over!”

Unfortunately, the worst case scenario happens.

Her tiddies start ringing.

“no.... fuck.... my tiddies... they’re ringing...”

She knows now she cannot go.

In retrospect, she probably could’ve blown them off. I mean, what are they gonna do? Fire her? She’s practically irreplaceable. Alas, her conscience is too strong. The ringing from her tiddies too loud to ignore.

“okay im back for the thing you promised we’d do repeatedly that we planned for a good amount of weeks now”

“...”

“i got fucking ghosted didnt i”

“cannot fucking believe i got ditched on my hot date with hibiki. bet its because her tiddies rang, isnt it. always her and her... GODDAMN tiddies ringing ALL THE TIME. LET ME BE WITH HER... god...”

“bae. im sorry. the tiddies rang. i have no choice.”

Miku tries to keep it together. Neither of them are happy about this state of affairs, and rightfully so, because it’s fucking stupid. Hell, it would have made more sense of Miku knew but still got jealous anyway, because she feels her job is establishing too much distance! And they talk those problems out instead of issues that only arise if everyone’s a goddamn moron about communication!

“but thats the point of the pl-”

NO! IT’S NOT CLEVER! IT’S FRUSTRATING! THERE ARE CLEVER WAYS TO SHOW A LACK OF COMMUNICATION BESIDES A CHAIN OF OBSTACLES TOO STUPID TO EXIST!

Miku takes the whole thing with grace even though I’m absolutely certain she threw her phone at the wall in raw, gay frustration.

Hibiki, understandably, is pretty fucking pissed.

“im gay. im angry, and im gonna fuck yall up for RUINING MY DATE AFTER HAVING FINISHED MY DAMN REPORT”

Hibiki fights the Noise. She’s gotten slightly better at fighting, but for now she’s still sorta trash at it. A grape themed Noise throws bombs and crushed her under rocks from a ceiling.

You’re a student. You’re the lone survivor of a concert that you got flak about for years. You go to an institution for singing with your best friend and basically get shoved into a life of crime fighting unwittingly. Your only teammate hates you and tried to kill you. You don’t get to hang out with your best friend anymore. Your teachers hate you. And you’re losing against the abominations that may have potentially warped your life negatively, forever.

This is probably the pivotal moment where Hibiki fucking snaps and decides she ain’t taking shit anymore. She’s not at her strongest yet, but mentally? She has decided to tell the world to go fuck itself.

“MY WIFE THINKS IM CHEAAAAAATING, MY TEAMMATE THINKS I SUUUUUUUUUCK, AND I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT”

My, Hibiki, what big fangs you have. All the more to grit your teeth and beat the shit out of things with, I assure you.

Needless to say, even without having the skill, she’s starting to understand and get more comfortable with the full extent of the power her suit provides her.

She’s gotten so mad that even the illustrators are afraid of her.

To note: this isn’t just anime drama silhouette stylization. She is actually physically turning into a red eyed shadow. You’ll know why later down the road.

“YOU WANNA FUCKIN FIGHT ME NOW TSUBASA? HUH? HUH? YOU WANNA FUCKIN’ FIGHT ME?!”

Needless to say, her rampage goes on for a while.

She manages to dispatch all the Noise except for the Grape themed one. Up in the hole it made, she sees the meteor fall from the sky...

Wait, look closer. Is it a bird?

A plane?!

No, it’s...!

“i aint gonna tell her i just did a wish on her”

Sword!

“why the fuck does SHE get jetpacks?!”

Hibiki randomly yells out she wants to protect things too, for absolutely no real reason. Who would even break the ice with that. Hibiki, please.

They sorta stare each other down in a field awkwardly, like a bad high school reunion. But, a mysterious voice breaks out of literally fucking nowhere.

“didnt know they legalized gay marriage in japan already, otherwise id be showing up to this joke of a marriage sooner, you absolute buffoons”

“did this bitch just insinuate id waste my time getting married to this complete idiot, let alone even contemplate getting married in a public park as opposed to having a customized karaoke based marriage in the FUCKING HILTON?!”

“hey time out dont say that shit im already married and my wife already feels enough like im cheating so please keep those comments to yourself okay please”

“eat my ass, nerds. id tell you to come to the park in 15 minutes for an ass kicking...

but we’re already here, now aren’t we?”

#symphogear #symphogear season 1 #recap #anime

[blaperile]

Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 4

#Homestuck #The Homestuck Epilogues #Meat #reaction #John #Dave #Jade #WV

[the-fiction-witch]

Okay...

I understand Tumblr has changed its community Guidelines and oddly enough I am going to add my two cents to it I suppose even though 90 % of tumblr does not give a dam hell what I have to say about it.

Okay lets begin

Point number one: 

I as someone had been  on tumblr a very long time almost eight years now I understand why this has happened, the world has changed alot since I has my first account on here I mean I was very young when I had my first account it was just a fan account where I blogged Lord of the rings art and gifs, and I understand why this has decision was made by the staff to try to make there app more ‘pg’ lets say, Okay I understand

Point number two:

I said I understand I did not say I agree with it, I know as quiet a big tumblr fan fic writer I’m likely not the best person for saying so but... I think people online should be allowed to see things like, Nudity and smut and all that stuff, Why? you ask? Well Because I was I know when it comes to sexy kinda stuff I was kinda the opposite of sheltered as a child my parents are swingers and have pretty much always been open about it, they have had nude art and such on the walls in there bedroom for as long as I can remember and I know there is this whole thing about how kids or young people can access things on the internet that are over 18 because you know lieing exists and there are ways to get around things, there always will be the second a rule is there two seconds later how to get around it exists and I Personally think there is nothing wrong with that.

Point two and a half: [I realized two was getting kinda ranty]

But I think kids Should be exposed to things, Not like kids from five should be shown like rule 34, but I think kids and young people are a heck of a alot smarter then any 20-40 year old realizes, Kids are all different they are all sexually awakened at different times in there life [for example I know I was a literally 11 and I have a best friend who wasn't till she was 18] people are different and I think things like Smut and Nudes are not exactly for kids no but... they are a part of life and sheltering them isnt going to help them understand I mean I got lucky I grew up in a family that had 50′s pin up on the walls and watched the rocky horror picture show in the living room I understood what sex was from a young age and how it worked between consenting adults I didn't Practice it Obviously and I didn't know the exact details [look at my older work and see if I understood how the heck sex worked] but I think people make those decisions I mean yeah random porn showing up on a timeline yeah maybe stop that that’s kinda a problem but if you search for Boobs or Porn or Smut whatever you know what your getting and if you make the decision to type those letters to spell that word then you made the decision to see what you see or read what you read, you chose to do that tumblr didn't when you typed in I don’t know Loki didn't randomly take you to porn unless you specifically told it to or unlocked it, 

Point three:

Why? as I said I understand the choice tumblr staff have made but if you search something and have safe search on then yeah don’t show nude pics or things tagged as porn or even my stuff I wouldn't expect someone who typed newt with there safe search on i imagine most of my stuff wouldn’t turn up I as a creator and even audience member here I understand that but I think it again comes back to choice if you chose to unlock the search you understand what comes with that and if you don’t then your the one that needs to be fixed not tumblr.

Point four: Likely my big point

I came to tumblr when I was fairly young, my god when tumblr was fairly young because mostly I wanted to be as informed and aware as my big sister my older sister showed me tumblr so I could see cool gifs of doctor who and lord of the rings and find people just like me who also loved to watch and read. when I first came here I was still a young girl and I didn't know how big the 18+ side of tumblr was I didn't care all I cared about was the amazing people and when I first began to dream about being a writer, everyone I knew even my family laughed at me said because of my disability I could never be a author, But I changed my URL and posted one of the first things I ever wrote on to tumblr with no fear of being judged or being laughed at and now when I go back and read it I know it’s awful I was terrible back then but... people where kind to me. said how I could improve and where with me every step of my way, that account is still there now I have just moved a little bit to here where I have been now for several years and I love it.

It’s amazing to me now as a almost 20 year old woman to sit on my computer, have my own physical novels sat on a shelf next to me, without tumblr I would not have became a real writer and would not now be able to live off doing it an live comfortably even, When I came here with my first ever work A girl we can’t understand I was awful but I had big dreams the people here have made me into who I am now and have made me be able to do such amazing things with my life, I never came here to be a problem to tumblr or even to be popular I make no money from tumblr but I still post almost everyday or as much as I can...why?

Because I love it here, 

I love being able to make people happy to be able to create worlds for people to lose themselves in even if its just for a little while.

I love every single one of the people who read my work even if you don’t like or dont follow or anything like that anyone who reads what I post I thank you for taking the time to read it, as I said I do this purely for the love of doing it.

But... Tumblr has changed.

maybe I am a dinosaur here now I guess but Tumblr I have a little message for you...

Dear Tumblr, To all your staff, your users and your creator.

I know in your grant scheme I am a small foot note. I understand the choices you have made to the site and I respect your decision as it is yours to make. However I don’t see how blocking and reporting people like myself and other users like me who just want to make people happy or feel better after a bad day is the best way to be, I have been here for a long time and I have seen some awful things on this site, but nudity or smut or anything has never been one of them. I have seen things like racism, homophobia, trans phobia, extremism and as a user I have tried my best to report and help your algeritherum to grow to make this site better. But Tumblr your views have changed and you have every right to change them, I have grown up with you tumblr and I am... concerned about what you are becoming. it is your choice to make this site into something different then what it was, But I beg of you

When I came here I was an outcast. Not pretty enough for Instagram and snap chat, not funny enough for twitter, not frenziedly enough for Facebook, I and I know so many others who came here because we are outcasts who fit nowhere else in this internet world. I have so many friends many of which I have even met in real life now because of you tumblr, but with people left and right upset about this and threatening to leave because you deiced to change

Please tell me... where are we meant to go? we are the outcasts here always have been tumblr kids the ones who are different but if we lose this place we call home we will have nowhere to go, and I would hate to see people like I was have nowhere to go people who where like me when I got here, Alone.

So... Dearest tumblr, You have meant the world to me, I have gathered friends with you, made a life though you, I have even had my life saved by the people here to many times to count, 

My boyfriend and I where here on my old account we had to separate for a bit but run this together like we used to and its a massive part of our lives even our relationship

But I am clearly not what you want anymore. so I say here and now I will try to continue my work here but if my posts continue to be reported and blocked then I will go.

If you still want my work I will keep it here but I will always update and write on my

Wattpad:

https://www.wattpad.com/user/FictionalReality010

and I will also re open my tapas:

https://tapas.io/FictionalLiving

and If you are a friend of mine I am shearing my Instagram here becuase I don’t wan’t to lose any of you

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/amberjane010/?hl=en

Good Bye

I love all of you so much and I am so so sorry.

X Amber & Thomas

#Dear tumblr #goodbye #whatifwecouldbefiction #whatifwecouldbecaomefiction #i'm sorry #im so sorry #writers on tumblr #tumblr

[samiii-p]

45 : 100 words 100 days

The moment she cuts through the crowd, Alexa squeals (screw the middle age man’s eardrums standing beside her) and dashes, ducks, dodges any and all travelers standing in her way; apologizing only once, to a mother pushing a stroller she hurdles over for Katie.

Katie, her best friend. Katie, her girlfriend.

And gosh, she still can't believe her luck. Years spent pining - months planning - trying and failing to tell one special girl she was everything, and how she is one hundred percent over the moon in love with her had somehow, some way worked out. Now, 3 ½ months later here they are on the eve of Thanksgiving running towards each other like one (or both) are returning from war.

“KaaaatIIIIIEEE!”

Alexa is aware she’s progressively growing louder, practically screaming and the entire airport can probably hear her outside but none of them matter because, finally, they're face to face, within arms reach and Alexa doesn't know what forces her to leap but she does and ends up hoisted in Katie's arms, kissing her for all of Charleston International to see.

The one and only kiss they've shared until now was held in the privacy of her bedroom on the day Katie was set to leave for Berkeley, but spectators be damned. It's been three months of phone calls and skype sessions between classes, clubs and new friends so if people felt the need to watch rather than carry on with their business, well, she hoped they took a photo for memento's sake.  

Only when they break apart, foreheads pressed together with Alexa’s arms pulling them closer as Katie holds her up by the back of her thighs, do they speak:

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

And really, had it been anyone else, Alexa would've had to fight the nuclear urge to keep her lunch down, but this was Katie. Katie deserved every single rom-com movie magic moment to ever exist.

Once she’s on solid ground, Alexa helps Katie collect her bags, thrown aside in the culmination of her Dirty Dancing/Notebook dash, and shoulders the book bag on her right so she can lace her free hand with Katie's.

“I've been thinking about that since my mom bought my ticket home.” Katie shyly confesses, pink cheeks and tiny smile included.

Jeez how in the world did Alexa survive three whole months without her?

“Me too.”

Getting out of the airport and safely into traffic is easy enough, they ride with the windows down allowing the warm Carolina air to blow their hair in the wind as Janelle Monáe sings softly in the background.

Normally silence - even of the content variety - was nonexistent. But if and when a rare occasion arose and butted its ugly head into their day, one (or both) covered it, talking randomly until a topic stuck.

And Alexa was pretty sure on some plane of reality far-far away from their own, maybe - possibly their doppelgangers spent time together in comfortable silence … because no one could talk every single second of every day. Listening to the radio on the ride home was fine, normal, no biggie. Stop panicking! Yet: how does one talk to their newly acquired girlfriend in person?

Lucas makes it look easy (and maybe if she truly grows desperate, she'll ask him how) but talking to people she’s interested in came as a no-brainer; except she's never been into anyone the way she’s into Katie. She's a different, prettier monster all on her own.

“So …” she says, gripping the steering wheel until her knuckles whiten, letting the prompt hang in the air as she checks her side mirror for traffic, puts on her signal and switches lanes.

“... um.”

“Yeah.”

Alexa grits her teeth, exiting the highway.

“Good talk.”

Not even an hour ago they were putting on a show for the airport to see and now, words don't compute. Was it all adrenaline? Three months was the longest time they spent apart, and coming off the back of a love confession, they were bound to recreate the moment (no matter the public) to see if the energy was the same - and now that all the budding anticipation was over, it was over.

At least, Alexa hoped it was just an awkward aftermath and not a "we’re better as friends,  turns out we don't mesh in that well" possible future conversation. God, please don't let it be that.

Parking, Alexa turns the key and shuts the car off but hesitates to unfasten her seatbelts or get out. She doesn't know what to do next but she knows it's not that. Everyone's inside is waiting for Katie's arrival (like they did for her the day before). Once they go inside, any chance of getting Katie alone for the weekend will vanish. Jack already has a list of things he wants to show her since her absence (including a nasty scar he earned from skateboarding). If Jennifer is anything like Lori, she's not going to let Katie out of her sight for a second. Alexa had to practically duck-dodge and take cover to pick Katie up on time - heck, even Katie's dad was pacing around the Mendoza’s living room waiting for his little girl. So whatever this recent buildup is had to disperse before they stepped foot inside.

“What're you doing?” Katie spins around as Alexa starts backing the car down the driveway and away from the prying eyes spying on them from behind the window curtains.

“Dont worry.” She’s sure she’s said at least a thousand times within her lifetime. It being the prolog to many adventures, mistakes and nights grounded. And every single time, Katie comes, without much question, unless she absolutely needed to voice her concern and even then, she went - following Alexa into dark battles just so she could be her guiding light out. “We’ll be right back. I just want ...”

Time with you before the chaos of being home for the holiday unleashes. I want to share a kiss with you away from everyone. I want the familiarity our friendship woven into the newness of our relationship because I love you so much and forty minutes of silence has me over analyzing what it could mean.

“... a chance with you by myself.”

To Alexa’s utter relief, Katie smiles, and tucks her chin in a small nod and a Mt. Everest of butterflies unleashes in Alexa's lower abdomen, flapping their huge ass wings all the way to beach a few miles from their neighborhood.

The car goes into park, seat belt comes off and Alexa turns in her seat, folding her leg under the other, and nervously pulls a stray curl behind her ear and inhales, inhales, inHALES holding it because exhaling will mean talking.

Katie doesn't look like she's fairing better, twisting the tip of ponytail around her index finger until it's a tight blonde knot.

“A-"

“Are you breaking up with me?!”

Whaaaaat??????

“Because, I mean, we seemed to be on the same page at the airport but maybe we weren't. Was I too overeager, should I've waited - I just couldn't help myself and I know that's no excuse but I can do better. I will do better. Pleeeease don't break up with me!”

Instantly, the 5,000 pound rhino has been lifted off her chest and Alexa can breathe. Finally.

“I'm not breaking up with you,” she assures. “I was just … nervous.” which, out loud, sounds odd - they've never been nervous around each other before but then again, they're under new light - no longer just friends but girlfriends. Lovers, if you will. And maybe, naivete let them think they could remain in that headspace but now, Alexa understands. Their relationship is forever changed, still best friends but with an asterisk attached, redefining Alexa and Katie.

“Oh.” Katie bites her lips, the light pressure reddening her bottom lip (simultaneously capturing Alexa’s attention) “I was - I’m nervous too. I mean.”

Locking her fingers together, Katie takes a deep breath and turns in her seat, and Alexa can see the growing list of words traveling from brain to tongue and readies herself.

“And I'm kinda … scared.”

“Right!”

“But a good scared.”

“Totally.”

“Scared like, I went to press my face against your face, who cares who's watching and spend these four days home alone in our tree house talking about things we’ve never talked about before … you being my girlfriend type stuff,” Alexa grins, she really likes the sound of that, “but it also, kinda feels like I've been pushed out a plane without a parachute and I'm falling, and my stomach is in my throat and you're there, within fingertips but I'm afraid to reach because I don't want to throw us off balance, and miss you completely.” Finished, a shaky exhale releases, sagging her shoulders. “Make any sense?”

Alexa smiles, falling back against the driver door because oh man, Katie literally turned her anxiety into words. If this isn't a sign they are soulmates, well then, God is a cold cruel mistress.

Scooting closer to Katie, she shakes her head in wonder - wonder at how she found the girl of her dreams right outside her bedroom window, how she could be this lucky so young and early on in life and she finally understands all those times her mother told her “when you know you know” because Katie Cooper is it. She's her know.

She leans in, resting her forehead to Katie's, smiles so hard the apples of her cheeks hurt and says, “for the record, I’ll always catch you.”

Their third official kiss is the longest yet, just as soft and enticing as the previous two but when Katie tilts her head to the side and tugs at her upper lip, Alexa’s eyes roll to the back of her head and a noise she didn't know possible escapes the burrows of her throat, encouraging her girlfriend to go further.

When they return, Alexa has to give credit to her family for pretending not to notice anything out of the ordinary but of course it's Jack who takes it upon himself to point out over the dinner table;

“Hey Alexa, is that lip gloss on your neck?”

- (1000+)

#alexa and katie #katie cooper #alexa mendoza #what can i say #this just keeps happening #100 words 100 days challenge

[kxlebcross]

multiples of three, please.

oh man i cant believe ur making me do maths at 4:18 am... but here goes nothing! (it’s gonna be long so i put it under a read more)

3. Ever done any drugs? uhhhh... yeah, for a short period yrs ago i had a friend group and with them we smoked weed pretty much every weekend... they did some hard drugs too but i never dared trying those cuz im a lil bitch lmao aaaaand i don’t do that anymore, it’s an expensive hobby to have and i usually waste my drugs money on pc games and ordering food srgsdfg

6. Describe your dream home. probs somewhere in a big city, close to the center because i love being a big city kid.... a mid-sized flat with lots of plants and those neat cat playgrounds mounted on the wall because i plan on having at least 4 cats in the future asdsd and i’d love to have a bigger balcony which i could transform into a little jungle and hand a hammock there and just chill and listen to the city’s noises at night when i can’t sleep

9. Do you watch porn? you may not believe but i actually don’t sdgsdfg the horny teen phase is over for me, if i wanna interact with anything pornographic i just read fanfiction dfgsdfgsf

12. What’s one of your fantasies? i hope it’s not supposed to be an erotic one lmao but i really wanna go on a road trip through europe, just pack up my shit and drive around, also i wanna visit haunted places all around england and get into the gaming business as a game translator/tester eventually

15. Are you in a relationship? thank god not anymore... and honestly i don’t miss it anymore, all of my previous ones were disasters and ended in a really ugly manner so.. no, i’m all good with my cat

18. What tattoos do you want? i don’t have specific plans for motives - though i’d really like a kitsune mask somewhere and a moon and one song quote. i’d like to have my whole left sleeve done, maybe part of my back, a half sleeve on my right hand and something smaller on my ankle - and i’m actually open to anything the tattooists would pick out; i care more about who’s gonna create my tattoo than what’s it gonna be, as my actually existing 2 tattoos r also premade, randomly picked out ones (though they accidentally matched up in some way and look pretty neat imo)

21. Describe your best friend. that’s a hard one.... i don’t think i have one anymore. i used to have this girl in my life, M, who i was really close to, but we had a fallout in october and she never came around to fix this even though i was open to the idea... so i lost my best friend, which is kinda sad considering that she was the only person i could open up to in the last 3 yrs. but hey that happens! i moved on and have a close friend still so im all good.

24. What are three places you want to travel? i really wanna visit scotland! it has this specific atmosphere i really long to experience, and i wanna see the landmarks and grassy fields and loch ness and haunted places and just roam around there for a while. i also wanna see moscow - it’s been sort of an obsession of mine since reading glukhovsky’s metro series, and also it’s a beautiful city worth visiting. i’d also like to get on the trans-siberian express but that’s not a specific place dsfsgdf the last place would be the aokigahara forest in japan - also one of the places i feel drawn to for ages now. found out about it years ago and since it’s been sort of a plan of mine to visit one time. if i manage to graduate university my mum promised to send me on a trip to japan - so if it works out, ill be on my way there baby! (i just need to work on my language skills first sasdfgf)

27. What’s your pet peeve? loud breathing, loud chewing... generally people being loud and annoying. ppl not covering their mouths while coughing. ppl who walk super slowly and take up all of the walkway like FUCK OFF OF MY WAY GODDAMMIT. in games when the npc walks a lot slower than ur running, but walking a lot faster than ur walking so its impossible to keep up with them. ppl not using headphones in public spaces. old ppl demanding respect when they treat u like shit. ppl forcing their religion on u (im looking at u auntie). ppl slurping their drinks. couples almost f*cking each other in public places... just get a room smh

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message. oh i don’t need to tag them cuz i already got over that shyness and they totes know already that i wanted to talk to them for a while! (i admitted to it in the tackiest, cheesiest, most awkward anon ask i ever sent in to anyone sdfgsdf)

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like? pretty much the same as now, all black and flannels and jeans, cuz i rly thing that major clothes shopping sprees r a waste of money sdfdf but i’d probably own a lot lot more shoes like custom made cat patterned vans and some more nikes and some creepers cuz i wanted to get some of those for like yrs now dfgdfg

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? uhhhh... kind of? not romantic ones tho, i just miss the long talks and the trust and understanding between us. i never got the closure i needed to move on and it still left some bad feelings towards her so its a weird mix of resentment and sympathy, and i try to not think abt it too much.

39. Are you a virgin? hahahahahahahahah, no, really. 

42. Describe the hottest person you know. the hottest person i personally know is one of the ppl i used to be on my universitys e-sport team on with dfasd i always had a weak spot for ppl taller than me and hes literally model material with nice cheekbones and the perfect jawline and the best sense of humor ever. though he’s a widowmaker main in overwatch and thats a big big minus for him :(

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on? lmaooooo thats a funny one listen up... so i was fresh out of breakup and wanted to make some friends.... wait for it.... ON TINDER. i live in an university town so i was like kewl imma make some ppl my age (until then all of my friends were A LOT older than me) and have some friends and if romance happens then it happens, w/e. so i set up this bar night with this one guy, i believe his name was David? so David and i meet up for drinks, i grab a gintonic and we sit down to talk... what he never knew abt me is that i am on the adhd spectrum and i have to get my hands busy with smth so i can focus on what im saying otherwise my thoughs r all over the place. so im casually keeping my hands busy with just spinning my locked phone there and back, or just  messing around with the lime slice on my glass and at a random moment David goes like “u know.... i hate when ppl cant stop messing around with their phone” and im like ????? dude im literally just spinning it, not even messaging anyone or unlocking it or shit. and he goes on this rant that he always expects ppl to pay full attention to him when talking, looking at him (i never look ppl in the eyes cuz i tend to just go into panic mode from long eye contact and also i think its creepy to just stare at someone constantly) and just not doing anything else except paying attention to him so i go on explaining to him that i need to keep myself busy and im not doing it to annoy him - but he keeps on insisting so i excuse myself to a cigarette (he also hated smokers lmao) and call the widowmaker main friend from the previous question and am like “hey man i have the worst date of my life can u be at this place in 40 minutes and then we hit the night life” and hes like fine so i go back to David and tell him “sorry mate i just remembered i have my last bus home in 30 minutes and the next one is in 1,5 hrs and i really cant stay out that late so can we wrap this up and schedule an other meeting some other time” and hes like fine... got me to the bus stop, i sat on the bus.... got off at the next bus stop, met up with widowmaker main guy and went out for drinks and decided to never go on tinder dates again sdfgsdfg

48. Describe your ideal partner. thats a hard one, hey! but i dont think i have an ideal, guess ill work with anyone whos a decent human being who wont require me to be the housemaid and cook and clean and do everything for them. oh and they totally need to know how to use a washing machine... one of my exes was incapable of this (and here i was thinking that in 2018 ppl saw a washing machine already... looks like i was wrong and im still not over that incident 2 yrs ago). oh and they gotta be fine with the idea of never having kids cuz theres no way im putting myself through raising one of those, im a man of career and money, totally not responsible enough to raise another living human being sdsdgdf

#kush speaks #ask memes #thank u for asking!!!! i had fun answering those actually #kuwentista #answered

[wingedhumanoid-remade]

@wings-united because you’ve blocked me and I can’t reply to your messages. which is hilarious.

Oh i reallllllllllllllyyyyy am loving this. Are you actually reading um, anything im saying? Lets start with celocanths becuase you apparently didn't do any fucking research. Celocanths. dont. have. more. than. four. limbs.  Neither do any other devonian fish. I said it really slow so you'd understand. The "limbs" you are referring to is called a "limb-like appendage," heres some photos so you can grasp this concept.

See how that worked? The other fins do not even vaugly fuction as limbs, cause theyre not.  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limb_(anatomy) "Limbs are jointed." "one of the projecting paired appendages (such as wings) of an animal body used especially for movement and grasping but sometimes modified into sensory organs." You dont look at fish, see their fins and go "HEY the've got more than four limbs!!!!" Come on. Ok, so now that that god awful excuse of a "rebuttal" is out of the way. My earlier statement still stands (hint because its a law of evolution) How did we evolve another fully functional limb. N other species on earth at the complexity above like, an amoeba, has EVER EVOLVED A NEW LIMB. Tell me, Kah.  So why do you think avians would grow new limbs? ell me exactly how the limb developed. "Evolution doesn't get to make whole new mechanisms out of whole cloth. Note that both bats and birds had to sacrifice their hands to make wings. Evolution didn't just tack on wings. Their arms and hands gradually changed into wings. They re-used the basic existing structures and pectoral muscles. It's a hack. Evolution is always a hack." "The only mammal to successfully gain true flight are bats, and they have been diverged from the rest of the mammalian tree for 100 million years. We just have not been evolving for long enough, and more importantly we have been evolving to fill a completely different evolutionary niche than the one filled by flying animals. It is basically impossible for evolution to change trajectories so drastically on such short notice." Why would the avian ancestors  "need" wings? What sort of circumstances could occur that would drive us to need wings that are not already resolved by us having exceptional creativity and cooperation between our kind? Evolution just doesn't work the way you're looking at it - "it would be nice if we had wings, so let's evolve some".  Even if wings were needed for the survival of the species, extinction is a MUCH more likely outcome.  (hy didn't the dinosaurs ALL just become tiny, so they could survive?  It doesn't work that way.  The ones that HAD become tiny - the ones that eventually became birds - DID survive.  That's how evolution works - you don't evolve what you need, you survive IF you've evolved what you need.)

Avian ancestors did not go from "lump on back" to "wings." Cause for that to happen you need a reason to have the lumps form in the first place, and then STAY there. What purpous would having extra stuff on your back to carry around have? How would that be an evolutionary advantage? "Regeneration is literally the growth, or regrowth of limbs, and it acts on stem cells. Wing growing is a form of regeneration, but it is creating new limbs. How did the gene for those limbs evolve, thats what I'm asking.  I know what regeneration is and it only works if theres a genetic code for those limbs to appear.

"You’re right, evolution edits what’s already there. Like cells, which create and grow things" No organism has ever had evolution start randomly mutating some cells on its back to grow a new limb, or anything even close to that. "My friend. We are not birds, therefore it would be impossible for us to get a pointed face, specialized heart" HOLy shit lmao. You really don't have a grasp on evolution. Theres no. reason??? avians wouldn't  have gotten a more pointed and streamined face shape. I'm not saying avians would just fucking. grow a beak? Im saying they would have become you know, shaped like they were ment to fly?

“To think that Homo Avians (IS, not could be, IS) a thing that would  be possible is simply stupid.” I’m,, holy shit.   You’re essentially telling me that avians aren’t possible and that  i don’t exist. "

HOLY SHIT ARE YOU. Serious?

Oh my god. I'm just stating the fucking facts my dude. Taxonomy is a real thing, and one rule is that organisms with a different amount of LIMBS do not get grouped in the same genus. Sorry? Again, get it through your thick skull. Just cause I say the classification of "Homo Avian"  wouln't make sense, doesn't mean I think growing wings is imposible. How many times am I going to have to write that before you fucking understand?

Hominids are in the superclass Tetrapoda contains the "FOUR-limbed vertebrates known as tetrapods"

https://biology.stackexchange.com/questions/21772/why-dont-mammals-have-more-than-4-limbs https://www.quora.com/Why-arent-there-any-species-of-mammal-with-six-legs https://www.quora.com/Why-dont-any-mammals-have-more-than-4-limbs-Why-didnt-they-evolve-to-have-multiple-legs-or-arms-like-insects http://www.ucmp.berkeley.edu/vertebrates/tetrapods/tetraintro.html

"Adding a limb, on the other hand (no pun intended), is pretty expensive. You're not just adding a single extra part, but a whole network of additional blood vessels, bone structures, tissues, and what-have-you. These all need additional nutrients and a good set of genes to ensure they work together properly. On top of this, you also need the limb to not be a disadvantage. It needs to be in a useful place anatomically and immediately offer an advantage as soon as the extra limb mutation comes into play. These mutations can occur, but it's vastly more likely that they're a disadvantage. Take frogs, for example. It's not altogether uncommon for frogs to develop extra legs. What usually happens, though, is you end up with a frog that's clumsier and slower and packing more meat. Predators tend to like that sort of thing, so the mutated frogs don't live long enough to produce offspring so that the extra limb(s) could eventually become useful."

= OH boy. Have I been WAITING to roast Project Icarus. 1. "The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s) and members" "Project Icarus is THE ONLY GROUP THAT CANG GROW WINGS, and anyone else who doesn't have the special"gene" i just made up IS TRASH AND HOPELESS"  

2. "The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality" Do I..... even have to say it? "US vs. "The stupid dreamers." Did you see how fast your group turned against us? Immeditly going from "friends" to "I HATE YOU RETARD NONE OF YOU HAVE POTENTIAL AND CANT GROW WINGS" etc...etc...etc... I could go on.

3. “Wouldn’t it be exciting to really know the secrets of being an avian?” HOLY SHIT. THATS LITERALLY HOW PROJECT ICARUS WORKS. "We, PI, are the ONLY group who knows the SUPER SPECIAL METHOD and the real SCIENCE of growing wings. All the other group are fucking stupid." My group is exhibiting NONE of those behaviors you’ve just “quoted”.

4. "I’m 100% positive that if someone joined your group and decided that Sahde’s was more logical, you’d threaten them, hackle them, be utmost bitches. " Ooh my god... the IRONY. You mean, hackle them and be utmost bitches like.... when sahde removed me as an admin when I didn't agree with her? When she told me to leave and make my own group cause I wans't going along with your cultlike beliefs? Actually, in my group I'm encouraging you know, actually free thought? As in "we all have differing opinions on how wings are grown, and thats ok." So yeah, good try bud but we aren't going to be like PI was.

5. "You’re making everyone in the group feel guilty and terrible." WHERE LMAO. Me? Me as in IM the one going around calling my members retards and stupid cult members like a child? oh right, thats you :/. Oh and crow, whom you persuaded to go into my group, lie, and then leave after calling us all "a cult full of dreamers." yeah. ok. and then the blocking of course. i've been blocked by almost everyone, expecially you becuase you didn't want to hear what I was saying anymore. I understand blocking oliver, and I do not condone their behavior and I definitely have asked them to stop sending you and the others edgy messages. I have not sent any one of my members to go yell at anyone from PI cause I have some common decency. You can talk to them if they hurt your feewings.

As if you and Ro are some holy angelic saints who are never mean uwuwuwuwuwu. if you're felling guilt, maybe theres a reason.

6. "invites random people to attempt to grow wings who will never grow them" You mean like.......................................................... you? sahde? ro? whom have never grown wings yet and not even proven their own ""theory?""" yeah......... thats smart. remember when sahde lied abut having wings?that was fun. remember? not cult-like at all.

We don’t let in random ppl, we haven't let anyone in. All my group is made up of ex-pi members who were tired of the bullshit. I gave them the option to leave and didn't force any of them to stay.

7. "The group displays excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader" GOD this is really funny. sahde can explain this one to you, shes already gone on a rant about it before.

8. " Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished." ajhsbasjdhgjaskdashkjahfjhfldsjfh

http://www.csj.org/infoserv_cult101/checklis.htm

tdlr. i could do this all day. i know you’re never going to admit “hey maybe im wrong, my theory doesn’t make sense in terms of evolution” because you think you’re so smart and are again, full of yourself.

Please. Actually acknowledge the science instead of spouting bullshit.

[gryffon]

gonna post that thing i wrote about my abusive ex, this isnt a callout but its just like, all the shit ive been wanting to say and havent felt like i could. gonna namedrop people, gonna not give a fuck, i cant cw for everything but there are rape mentions, physical assault mentions and like. general feelings that happen the wake of emotional abuse.

i dont check often but my ex has deleted the blog she was currently using, (@windowpainter or somethng. she was @hamgubber before, previously @miniaturehorse if anybody remembers from when we were totgether and would post on each others blogs nonstop lol) she has a history of lurking around and worming her way into befriending popular people in online subcommunities i am part of or adjacent to. i have not spoken to her since i realized she was abusive and started to try to pull out of our codependent dynamic. she panicked when i realized actions speak louder than words and her long winded apologies, excuses, and textbookish tripe about DBT and getting better or whatever meant nothing in the face of months of repeated lying, breaking of promises, degradation, disrespect to me as a person, disregard of my physical disabilities, insults, patronization, manipulation, multiple instances of cheating, antagonization, neglect, extortion and overall emotional abuse. when she caught wind that i was going to leave her she wrote me a series of emails totaling over 30,000 words, all varying from "i love you please dont leave me we can work this out. breaking up with me is weak." to "you are not a victim. you are not a victim. here is a categorized list of the ways in which you are abusive while i downplay my own behaviors and patronize you. here's an ultimatum and you are not allowed to respond with more than one sentence." to which i disregarded and wrote up a long, thoughtful reply and chose to never send, ending contact with her for good. this was like, 2013 or 2014.

she never called me out, and i never called her out despite giving very serious consideration to it. i was listening to the advice of my therapist at the time, who told me that she thrives on drama and spends her life constantly creating it, and to give her that kind of attention was exactly what she wanted and would only engage her more in my life and be more degrading to my mental health. the best course of action was to give her nothing, and not give her any more power or influence over me, any footholds or any more of my time, consideration, energy or thought. if anybody reading this has endured emotional abuse from somebody you love, you know it is extremely difficult to totally ignore somebody like this, especially when that person has isolated you from the majority of your support system and friends and you have shaped your entire identity around your relationship with your abuser. but i have followed my therapists advice. i have been working on moving on.

still, over the past few years ive had my mutuals contacted by her friends and told to stop talking to me. ive had people i follow put her and her friends on my dash, which up until recently would send me into a panic that lasted several hours. i have a lot of people in the lesbian/commie/leftist/trans/etc/whatever circles on tumblr who just like randomly have me blocked for no reason (since i dont give a fuck and im going for a spirit of total honesty here, ill name drop @butchcommunist, who she dated for a period of time iirc. a lot of my followeds and mutuals reblog from her. i made a point not to check either of their blogs after finding out but it was upsetting since i would see julia all over my dash. that connection still exists in my mind and its pretty upsetting.). ultimately, and rationally i know that these things do not matter that much. i have a vibrant, healthy and loving circle of friends outside of the internet/tumblr and some randos on the internet having me blocked doesn't really mean anything in the scheme of things. still, when this shit happened it felt terrifying and i was horrified, my emotions magnified by the effects of emotional abuse. despite my VERY intense urge for closure, i try to keep as far away from her as possible.

i gave this woman a year of my life that in my memory is defined by her. i was very madly in love and i spent countless hours at her beck and call, countless hours in calls and in text conversations with her, countless hours supporting her through breakdowns, countless hours talking through her fears and worries, countless hours defending her when she stirred up drama, countless hours defending her horrible behavior to my friends, countless hours rationalizing her abuse to myself and people who approached me with worry, countless hours loving her and wondering why it felt so horrifically painful to be with somebody who told you they wanted to spend the rest of their life with you. almost all the money i was making at the time was spent on her. i helped her move across the continent. i had her at my house for weeks. she fucking took out a loan from my mom. despite how big a role she played in my life, over the past 3 years since our falling out i have only checked her blog less times than i can count on my fingers, usually in moments of distress and in the spirit of self-destruction.

i know for a fact she has convinced her friends to check my blog for her god knows how many times, telling them about her fear of me as a 'dangerous person', that i’m going to call her out, her "fear" that im obsessing over her and am quietly plotting to ruin her life. she's scared for a good reason, but not because i'm an abusive bitter ex out on a smear campaign to slander her innocent name and ruin her life in the name of revenge. she's scared because she knows i have some undeniably serious receipts on her. i have receipts of her sending me a horrifying letter her ex had written her describing a graphic instance of a time my ex had raped her, and of her admitting outright to the rape. i have logs of her checking her rape victim's blog and telling me how exasperated she was her victim was still angry with her even after she apologized, and couldn't understand why her victim was stuck on her and wouldnt move on, going on to blame modern feminism and its tendency to portray abusers and rapists as incorrigible. i have receipts of her admitting to perpetrating emotional and physical abuse in her previous relationships, like an instance where she describes losing control of herself and beating her ex senselessly. i have talked with exes, who confirm stories she had told me where she would cut her arms in her presence, deep enough that her life was at risk, and then refuse to go to the hospital, leaving her girlfriend to either bandage and tend to her wounds or else my ex would bleed out and die. those are just the more horrific ones. i have many receipts that document her emotional abuse towards me as well, which im barely even getting into here. i know plenty of other people have experiences with her and accounts of interacting with her that undeniably portrays her as a serial abuser, rapist, and extortionist and exposes the falsehood of her charming and intelligent persona.

several times i have considered calling her out because she has proven herself beyond a doubt that she is a serial abuser who leaves a trail of burning bridges in her wake. i have no doubts that the evidence i have against her is completely solid, and her claims of my status as an abuser that she perpetuates to her friends are built on pillars of sand. i am not afraid of anything she could bring to the table anymore. i have spoken quite a bit with exes and ex friends (some of which sided with her during our breakup and who eventually ended up cutting off, and we reconnected with years after), and they all suggest the same shit. she is manipulative to her very core and will not stop hurting and using people until she dies.

these are big claims and again, this isn't a callout and the reason im not providing the logs is because im just trying to get out my thoughts in an honest way and im not trying to make a case about anything. this is cathartic. im so fucking tired of feeling like its a secret. i dont even know what blog shes using or whatever and while that scares me, i don't care anymore. people who are still semi-big names in the online communities i drift around in still have me blocked and a lot of times i wish i could message them and tell them "hey, you know she's wrong, and i have absolute proof." but my self worth is high enough that i dont need to go around convincing every single rando who doesn't like me that im a good person, not to mention the risk of indirect contact through those who's lives she is still present in.

for a long time the way i coped was by holding onto the idea that she would apologize to me, and i could finally have closure. she apologized to the ex i mentioned earlier, and because of that i hoped she would grow enough as a person to realize that there is literally no way any rational being could look at our relationship and say that, yeah, i was the one hurting her. apparently thats too much credit to give her, and i realize she only apologized to her ex because she wanted me to think she was changing, growing and a good person at heart who just had a rough past. after enough time, enough conversations with people who she was previously close to, i have accepted that she will never truly dedicate herself to getting better. she will always be using people, always be hurting people, always lying, always hypocritical, always disingenuous and always covering her ass by hiding under the language of victimhood, trauma, recovery, self-improvment, DBT, and therapy to convince her victims that her offences are missteps in her journey to improvement. 

this isn't a callout, this isn't meant to be circulated as a warning, this isn't meant to be any sort of vengeance or crusade. i dont even think shes fuckin on tumblr anymore lol. i don't care anymore. i dont care what people take this as. this is me writing an honest, open, reflective, cathartic processing of the scenario that impacted my teenage years so severely.  this isnt concise or well written and i dont need it to be. i've spent too many years wanting to talk about this, needing to process it more openly, but being riddled with horrific anxiety and fear, worrying about her and her social influence and her ability to impact my life. but its been a long time. ive worked hard at this. ive worked hard to get past this. ive worked hard to learn how to be with people who will treat me with kindness. i needed to write this and i needed to post this without editing every sentence a thousand times. this is largely unedited. i dont care if this makes me look pathetic or obsessed with her ive been letting these feelings stir for years and im just ready to breathe again.

if you want to talk about this post DM me or whatever. if you know her and think its all bullshit and you want logs, sure. i dont have anything to hide anymore. her name is viv and she is the worst person i have ever met and i feel sorry that i gave her so much of my love. thanks.