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veebs-hates-video-games · 5 months

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I'm glad I waited until the last minute to figure out how I felt about the games I played this year because there were some surprise changes right up until the end. I think I managed to get most things I played this year that weren't just demos onto a list and will have opinions on them.

There will potentially be too many to tag properly, but maybe I'll try linking the game titles to the tags and see how that goes, which should bring up any previous posts about them with more detail (although I still haven't finished updating all the old posts to the new tags yet as of writing this so they might not all work right away).

Also except for the final category stuff within each group isn't really in any particular order, and there's no hard boundary between some of the categories where I think everything in one is definitively better than everything in another (e.g. I think Aria of Sorrow is better than at least some of the stuff in the "pleasantly surprised category", but I liked it exactly as much as I expected to so it is where it is).

So starting from the worst:

Fate/EXTELLA LINK was the least fun I had with a game all year. It's like what if a Musou game felt worse to play and also had an extremely uncomfortable level of pandering to weebs and their waifus in the writing. Blech.

Diablo 2: Resurrected is literally unplayable without creating an account and being online even though D2 has always had offline single player. They don't actually mention this. I only have it because it was cheaper to get the bundle with D2 and D3 than D3 by itself.

Super Mario 3D World is the least fun I've had with a Mario game in literally decades. 3D movement with a fixed camera is awful. I still like the full 3D games and the 2D ones, but this is nope for me.

Pendula Swing is honestly probably fine on a different platform (read: with a mouse and keyboard), but the Switch version is borderline unplayable. The idea seemed interesting but it was so clunky I couldn't get into it.

Ys Origin just hasn't aged well. I played it a long time ago and it was in the "fine, I guess" category, but trying to replay it after some of the newer ones (which will be further down the list) was rough.

And then games that were mostly just disappointing to me:

Diablo 3 is one of those things everyone kept saying at least feels the best to play out of all the modern ARPGs for years, so I finally gave in and tried it to see what all the fuss was about. It feels like Torchlight 2.5 with a bigger budget and was kind of uninspiring overall.

The Outer Worlds was something I was really hopeful about, but I just didn't find anything at all about it enjoyable.

Pokemon Picross is just a bunch of free-to-play bullshit ruining something that could've been fun. The world is better off with the eShop shut down so no one can play it anymore.

Persona 5 Royal is another one I was really looking forward to that I just did not click with at all. The first few hours were full of minor annoyances and did very little to win me over.

AI: The Somnium Files had potential and sounded interesting, but moon logic for solving puzzles should've stayed in the 90s and I could do without all the random horniness.

The World Ends With You: Final Remix and NEO: The World Ends With You are frustrating because they have so many interesting ideas and a neat presentation but just aren't any fun to play, especially the first one.

Tales of Vesperia just hasn't aged super well I think. I know there are people who like it, and I was looking forward to it, but I think I would've had to play it closer to stuff like Tales of Symphonia to appreciate it.

Inscryption is not my thing at all. It's a shame because I loved Pony Island, but I just couldn't get into this one.

Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze is a Donkey Kong Country game, which have always been just ok to me. I should've remembered that and not bought into the hype over the years.

Next is stuff I liked the idea of but didn't really like playing enough to stick with it:

Titanfall 2 has really neat movement and stuff, and I've heard the later levels do some interesting stuff, but beyond that the actual combat wasn't really my thing.

Ori and the Blind Forest had too many frustrating bits to keep me playing through the parts I did like.

Disgaea 4 seemed fun and like it had a lot of potential, but I always find that kind of SRPG way too fiddly, ever since I tried the original Final Fantasy Tactics.

Marenian Tavern Story: Patty and the Hungry God is just a worse version of Blacksmith of the Sand Kingdom (see later on the list), which is understandable because they made it first.

Bravely Default I mostly played a couple years ago, but this year I put another dozen hours in and finally gave up on it. I really like a lot of stuff about it, but there were just too many things that frustrated or annoyed me.

They Bleed Pixels seems like fun and has some good pixel art (mostly the story stuff outside the gameplay segments), but I don't think it's for me.

Hero Hours Contract is an amazing idea and I love almost everything about it except for actually playing it.

Luckslinger took forever for me to get around to. The idea of luck being a consumable resource you have to manage is really neat, but I wasn't really enjoying the actual game, even if "pixel art hip hop spaghetti western" sounds great on paper.

Carto is one I don't really have anything against beyond apparently glitching it into an unrecoverable state and not being invested enough to start over.

Cris Tales is another one of those ones where I like a lot of stuff about it except for actually playing it.

Anarcute was a lot of fun for a little while, but it started introducing more elements I tend to not really like. Definitely one of the cuter games on the list with one of the best theme songs though.

Followed by things I had mixed feelings on or the "fine, I guess" category:

PixelJunk Eden 2 was fun enough, but they changed things from the original in a way that seems to be to make it more suitable for mobile, and I feel like most of them made it worse.

Voice of Cards: The Isle Dragon Roars didn't quite stick the landing. I loved the idea of everything being cards on a table with a single narrator/GM running everything, and the world and characters were interesting enough for a while. It didn't quite hold up for me all the way through to the end though.

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom is...better than Breath of the Wild, at least? It's smoothed over a lot of my biggest annoyances with that, and it's amazing that half the stuff in it even works at all, but it still doesn't feel like Zelda to me and has been pretty low priority to get back to and finish.

Atelier Ryza: Ever Darkness and the Secret Hideout has one of the worst openings of any game I've played in years and absolutely awful pacing. It did seem to finally have opened up and gotten potentially rather good where I left off (and might get back to one of these days), but it shouldn't take half a dozen hours for that.

Yoku's Island Express is a clever idea and was a pretty good time for a while, but it's also one of the buggiest things I've played in the past year, and that's what drove me to stop playing.

Dragon Quest XI S: Echoes of an Elusive Age is frustrating to go back to. I loved the demo when I played it a couple years ago, but redoing everything now because I'm playing the full game on a different platform kinda sucks because of how slow the start is.

Will Die Alone has an interesting premise and way of interacting with it, but it stops short of quite saying as much with it as I would've liked.

Chaos;Head Noah had so much potential that kind of got wasted in the end. I really liked a lot of stuff about it along the way, but it's also kind of a mess. Hopefully when I get around to Steins;Gate they'll have learned to do it better because the anime for that one was great.

I'LL KILL HER is basically an interactive comic book, and the main strength is the art. The rest is fine I guess. Every content warning for this one.

Murder by Numbers is a constant mix of mildly amusing and mildly annoying. I hope they can even things out if they make more games in the future.

And then games that were pretty good but not my favorites:

Kuukiyomi: Consider It is a silly idea and doesn't overstay its welcome. I haven't felt an urge to play the sequels so far though.

Theatrhythm Final Bar Line is definitely the best in the series and has tons of great music, but I still have some issues with this style of music/rhythm game that keep me from completely loving it.

Cadence of Hyrule was kind of annoying when I first started playing the demo, but once I got the hang of it I had a pretty good time mostly. The huge difficulty spike at the end left me less happy with it than I was for most of the game though.

Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow is probably the best game in this category, much better than most of the others, and my favorite Castlevania game, but it's a little short of being one of my favorites overall this year.

Syrup and the Ultimate Sweet is probably my second favorite in thie category and rather cute and silly.

One Night: Burlesque is the "worst" game in this category and doesn't entirely succeed at what it's trying to do, but I appreciate the effort and the overall vibes.

Gunma's Ambition -You and Me Are Gunma- is literally just a single joke drawn out for like an hour, but they lean into it enough to make it work.

LOUD: My Road to Fame has a couple weird design decisions that make it a bit frustrating toward the end, but up until then it's a surprisingly fun music/rhythm game with decent original music.

Lara Croft GO has some pretty decent puzzles in it and is probably my second favorite Tomb Raider game at this point, but I also had some Issues with it that held it back a little bit.

Next are the ones that I was pleasantly surprised by that were better than I expected:

Pixel Puzzle Makeout League was not what I expected. I figured it would just be picross with a silly dating sim on top, but I had no idea about the themes and ideas it would go into, and the entire ending section of the game in general was great and totally unexpected.

Blacksmith of the Sand Kingdom really surprised me. I had zero expectations going in, and while it isn't quite great at anything it's good to very good at a lot of things and was pretty satisfying in the end.

Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion is the most Zelda-like game I've played this year (with close competition from another game down the list), and an actual Zelda game came out this year. Exactly as long as it needed to be and went in a more interesting direction than I thought it would.

Majotori is something I accidentally stumbled on because it was on a list of games that at least tangentially have lesbians in them, and it's delightfully silly.

Death end re;Quest really surpassed my expectations, even if I have significant enough issues with it that it's hard to recommend without caveats. it did some surprisingly interesting things though, and I keep thinking about it from time to time.

Rabisco+ was an impulse purchase because it randomly came up and was very cheap and I had no idea what was going on in the cover art. It turned out to be a short but pretty fun arcade-style puzzle game.

Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of Dana was the first Ys game I played since Ys Origin first came out in English, and the series has really come a long way since then and is much better these days.

Demong Hunter was basically an impulse joke purchase because I had to know what makes a demong different from a demon. I still have no idea, but this was way better than I expected from what initially seemed like a cheap mobile game.

Ys IX: Monstrum Nox wasn't quite as good overall as the previous game in the series, but I still had a lot of fun with Goth Adol, and all the new movement abilities added a lot to it.

Perfect Gold did a surprisingly decent job of having flawed characters who worked through problems in their relationship without making them annoying or unlikable like often happens.

Trigger Witch is the other most Zelda-like game I played this year. I totally grabbed it because of the cover art and it was on sale, but it's a pretty solid twin-stick shooter mixed with the LttP/LA era of Zelda.

Will You Snail? was pretty unknown to me before I started playing because I somehow avoided anyone else playing it or talking about it, but it turned out to be a pretty good precision platformer with a fun gimmick, which is hard to pull off for me because I can be kinda picky about how platformers feel to play for some reason.

Vivid Knight managed to absorb nearly all my game time until I finished it, which I did not see coming. I did eventually start to see the cracks in the systems and stopped enjoying it as much, but up until then I got pretty wrapped up in it.

And finally the ones that were probably my favorites, not necessarily in order but with the best generally toward the end:

Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition and Xenoblade Chronicles: Future Connected would be more toward the top of the list except this was a replay so I'm disqualifying it. I played the Wii version originally, and they sure did improve almost everything in an already great game in this version.

Bowser's Fury was about as enjoyable as Super Mario 3D World was unenjoyable. I'm not sure it would quite work for a full size Mario game, but there were some good ideas in this one.

Trials of Mana really polished up an older game that I thought was kind of underwhelming back in the day and turned it into something I had a great time with. Between this and the recent announcement of the new game I'm cautiously optimistic about something good in the Mana series finally happening for the first time since the PS1.

Harvestella really caught me off guard. I was expecting a farming sim with some Final Fantasy-style nonsense on top, and it turned out to be 85% JRPG with a story I liked more than anything FF has done in years.

Can Androids Pray is the most last minute addition to this list on December 30th. When a short story (in any medium) really focuses in on a single relationship or conversation or event or idea so well that it implies the existence of the entire rest of the universe around that my brain just starts vibrating. This is one of those.

The House in Fata Morgana takes a long road to get to its ending and the characters earn every step of the way there. It also surprised me by being a totally different flavor of queer than I expected.

Unpacking wins the award for best vibes. I had a lot of feelings about this one, probably including some they weren't expecting people to have when they made it, and it does a better job telling a story than most stuff on this list despite having no visible characters and almost zero dialogue.

13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim I think wins for my favorite story/writing this year. People said it was a great sci-fi story, and not just for a video game, and they were right.

Fire Emblem Engage is the winner for my favorite gameplay. They absolutely nailed a lot of the mechanics and systems on the game design side of things, and it's my favorite Fire Emblem game at this point.

Xenoblade Chronicles 3: Future Redeemed gets this spot for my favorite overall. They polished the already great gameplay of XC3, introduced some great new characters and brought back some old ones, and managed to expand on a lot of the story from the entire trilogy and tie up a bunch of stuff all at the same time.

And I guess that's finally that. There were some pretty big disappointments for me, but there were even more really great games I played and ones I had no idea I'd like as much as I did. I think I'm just going to tag stuff in the final two categories (since that's what'll fit) and call it a day.

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thefirstknife · 2 years

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how much time took you to get into the lore and understand it? im still learning new things and i find them very interesting! that's one of my top 3 reasons why i love the Destiny universe. We have a lot of references and information, characters, stories.

The only thing i regret is not knowing about Destiny when it first came out. I've been playing for only 2 years cause i didnt know about the existence of this amazing game.

I never got to play D1 since I don't have a console so when I started D2 when it launched, I knew nothing about the lore. I spent the entire year playing vanilla without really knowing anything and it seemed too daunting to start looking into it.

Then I skipped year 2 but when I came back to year 3 with Shadowkeep, I could no longer put off knowing about the lore. Main thing that motivated me? Pyramid on the Moon. LMAO. At that point I realised I needed to know everything. I watched Byf's 4 hour lore video in one go and that was it. After that I felt confident enough to start looking into things on my own and go through other videos and actually read lore books and everything else. Overall, it took a few weeks of dedicated learning to get into it and then additional months to brush up on more important things and learn more about stuff that I'm interested in more.

There's quite a lot of lore now, since we're in year 7 (and going into year 8) of total storytelling time so some outside help for getting into lore is definitely needed. But once you know the basics, it's not too hard to start learning on your own depending on what interests you the most. There's definitely confusing stuff but Destiny has always relied on community help when it comes to both lore and gameplay and I've learned that people are always eager to help others with lore. Something I then chose to do myself as well.

I also really wish I could've played Destiny since the beginning but unfortunately the first game being console only really messed that up for me. I always had an interest in the game ever since it came out but until D2 I couldn't play it myself.

Storytelling has also changed in the meantime so when previously it was mostly just done through expansions and then nothing was happening for months, now we have huge story beats with each season alongside expansion stuff. It's a lot of information to go through so it can feel like a lot, but luckily there's plenty of resources online that can help with understanding the basics so you can then move on into looking things on your own. I'm glad they changed the seasonal model so you can play seasons all year long instead of just during that season like it was in year 3. Missing a season back then was really tough. Now you have all year to catch up which is great.

#destiny 2 #lore #ask

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bunny-lou · 4 years

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I have to get this off my chest. Ive read all your descendants fics and I really love them. Ik you're going into dark and muture theme but, as an Arab women your writing of anything relating to Agrahba makes me very uncomfortable given the obvious underlaying racist and Islamophobic sterotypes of the only Arab characters written are deeply rooted in sexism & being "behind" . Jafar is a villian and i didnt have much of a problem with him being a sexist but then is Jasmine's pov you made the only fictional Arab country not respect women in general. I hope you know this is a sterotype, mostly associated with Saudi Arabia, and not a reflection on most of my people or Religion. Maybe im overreating due to real life islamophobia trying to claim I live in opression.... When I really dont and im free to do what i want. As is the case for most women and as the way it should be

I say all this with the utmost respect. Im not trying to "cancel" you or anything. Again I really enjoy your writing

Hi there, thank you so much for reaching out to me! I never want anyone to feel like they can’t reach out to me about my writing or any issues they may have.

I think your message is specifically about Grin and Bear It.

The way I wrote Agrabah was meant to be based off the original Aladdin film, where Jasmine deals with some serious heavy sexism, it was not intended to be based on any real life stereotypes. It was especially not meant to be based on any religious stereotypes because I don’t want any religion to be involved in GABI or in INI.

But I am white and I know that I have subconscious stereotypes in my mind - coming from my upbringing, society and media - and it is my responsibility to unlearn those and my responsibility to be willing to learn when someone calls me out. I would never intentionally offend someone with my writing or add to any hate, but I also know that I could be doing either of those things without realizing it.

One way I did that was, as you pointed out, is that Agrabah is more ‘behind’ than the rest of Auradon and I don’t know why I wrote it like that? I think at the time I wrote GABI, going on 3 years ago now, I had written it being at a different social stage because of how far (distance wise) it is from Auradon. We see Aurora and Snow White are actually a part of D1, but we also see in D2 that Agrabah is a place Ben and Mal have to travel to. Out of the four main original Disney films, Aladdin had the setting I enjoyed the most because it was so different to me, so I had wanted to Agrabah and the setting the same because it was one that I wanted to explore more.

But you’re right, in GABI, Jasmine does describe Agrabah as being hateful toward women. I had wanted that to show why she’s so bothered by Jay’s flirting and how not everything gets fixed after the Disney movie, Jasmine’s problems with how men treated her didn’t go away. But since 20 years has passed since that movie, it would have been a good opportunity for me to talk about the positive changes that have been made. Jasmine fights for women’s rights everywhere, she has more women in power around her and pushes for girls in her country to have opportunities that she didn’t have (during the original Aladdin). I should have mentioned that Jasmine isn’t doing all of this on her own and that there are people in Agrabah who agree with her and want better for women and support the changes she’s made. In my attempt to show how strong and determined Jasmine is, I set an unfair and bigoted view of Middle Eastern men and women.

That’s not what I wanted to do and that’s not fair, not to people who are Muslims, not to people who are Middle Eastern, not to my readers, not to my fandom, and just not fair in general to be putting something like that into the world.

Going into Instructions Not Included, the sequel, this is something I will be more aware of. I do my best not to use OCs, but with the characters we have from Agrabah - Jasmine, Aladdin, the sultan, Genie, Dalia, Hakim, Jordan and Aziz - this is a plethora of characters to do better with and show that Jasmine is not the only one who respects women. The struggle for women to be treated fairly isn’t a theme that I will completely disregard - because it was a large part of Jasmine’s story in any version of the film and it’s something that all the characters, especially Mal and Evie, admire her for - but I promise to do my best to write a more well-rounded country with more progressive citizens to better reflect how Middle Eastern countries are today.

If anyone has a problem with how I write any character - disabled characters, trans characters, characters of color - you are more than welcome to message me. It’s an opportunity for me to be a better writer, be a better person, and to put better things into the world.

#grin and bear it #instructions not included #jay descendants #jafar descendants #jasmine descendants #My writing #important #l-herz #asks

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the-nut-queen · 4 years

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I Have a lot of thoughts on beyond light so I’m going to share them

spoilers for beyond light obvs

The Nut Queen’s thoughts on Beyond Light/SotH:

Campaign:

· Pretty much went how I expected, i.e. nothing unpredictable or particularly interesting/mould breaking

· That being said, I liked it! And had a lot of fun

· Good to see Variks again, good to see the Stranger.

· Eramis was a pretty decent villain, but pretty much had the same motives as every other Eliksni enemy before her (Skolas, Aksis, Siviks, etc.)

o Very much felt like Rise of Iron… 2! With the Eliksni taking a new power that they didn’t fully understand to wreck shit, and also, it’s Clovis’ fault again

· The boss fights felt a little dull. Getting to the end and just spamming stasis got old pretty quickly. I think having that for the first time work, then being able to use stasis as a subclass going forward would have been better (instead of getting the subclass at the very end of the campaign, I haven’t even started upgrading it with shit yet)

· Liked the ghost lines and voices lines that would happen as you travelled to places

· The progression felt very smooth, I hardly noticed when the game switched from “story mission” to “kill some adds for some stuff to progress” which was nice.

· Liked the likewise smooth integration of the empire hunts to the main story line (good source of repeatable content for the future) although I was a little confused when I got a triumph for empire hunts since I literally hadn’t heard House of Salvation call themselves an Empire before

· Ghost being super concerned with you using the darkness then the guardian just not fucking saying anything is kinda dumb lol but that’s pretty standard

· It was pretty dumb when at the final boss fight Eramis freezes your ghost and shatters your splinter and freezes you then the stranger’s voice over is like “look within” and you can just suddenly use stasis because why not lol

o Would have been cool to have a “guardians make their own fate” reference here instead

· WHAT IS THE POINT OF FIRETEAM “E” (Elsie/Stranger, Eli/Drifter, Eris) Don’t get me wrong, I love them! and I love that 1 solitary cutscene where they’re brawling and using stasis, but they literally serve no purpose to the story? Especially dumb how mara and the nine were like “ooh only 3 have transcended their design ooh they are so special” and then they just stand around a campfire while you do all the work lol

o Sidenote, the Stranger’s little floaty thing: what is it? And what is the point of it besides looking cute in one cutscene??

· Also really annoyed that the BOSS for the Glassway Strike is just another boring fucking hydra, like wtf. You introduced a fucking sick new Vex type!!! (wyvern) and you DIDN’T use it as a BOSS for the NEW VEX strike. The boss fight was so boring too, it was literally just a hydra but with lots of health and sometimes it disappeared, come on bungie

New Light:

· Pretty cool! Shaw Han is boring though. Bungie you need more women characters and more GHOST characters (also like any non-binary characters)

o It’d be funny to see a guardian/ghost duo NPC where the guardian doesn’t talk and the ghost does! Like with literally every npc except Osiris/Sagira their ghosts just don’t fucking say anything . (I get that it is more money to hire more voice actors and to write more lines etc. etc. etc. but its getting a bit old. GHOSTS HAVE OPINIONS!

o Maybe even an npc who is just a solo ghost! They haven’t found their guardian or their guardian was slain by the hive or something that would be cool

· Where is Shiro-4?

· Where is Misraaks/House Light?

· Navota: also boring. Just a hive wizard. You may as well have just had Omnigul come back. Or her nightmare (though I understand that that was dealt with on the moon in the nightmare hunts but still)

o Disgraced strike: also boring. And the boss fight is also boring and takes forever?

· Cosmodrome: Cool to be back, was fun to get annihilated by an immune hive night in skyshock as is tradition

o Annoyed there doesn’t appear to be any Rise of Iron continuity with the landscape, the splicers fuck some shit up in the divide and outside the wall

o Also, is the path to the Rasputin bunker just gone?

o Yeah I just checked, the path to the grottos area (from D1) from the forgotten shore has just disappeared in D2 they just put more cliff there

o Wtf why

o Also the D1 location maps are so awful lol (wow, we really used to live like that huh)

· Cosmo lost sectors: nice. Hive labyrinth was fun. Sad they didn’t reuse like the Rasputin bunker but that’s chill

Season of the Hunt:

· I’m keen to see my BOYS Pulled Pork and Crow

· SPIDER DON’T HURT CROW ISTG

· �� Not sure what the seasonal content has in store

· I hope it isn’t as boring as season of undying that sucked asss (obvs I have this worry since they spent the majority of the time developing Beyond Light/Europa, (I assume))

· It looks like a combo of nightmare hunts and other seasonal public-style events

· Maybe an escalation protocol/blind well style thing? Idk we’ll find out

Overall:

· BUGS! So many fucking bugs

o you fucked up a perfectly good game, look at it, it has anxiety

o omg bungie please help us

o girl help, I’m trapped under the prison of elders grav lift thingo

o girl help I’ve been launched into the wall at mach speed

· GAMBIT:

o You fucked up gambit too. You took all the cool shit out of Prime then mixed it with the lame shit from regular gambit to make gambit whatever the opposite of “prime” is

o My idea for a better gambit TM:

o Each class gets one (1) class item

o They look like the prime class items except not coloured/glowy

o There are 4 mods you can slot in the “combat style” mod slot ie the last slot

o They’re like, idk 6 energy to slot

o And they give you the gambit prime role! And the class item glows in the respective colour and you get an aura too

o you get all the fun prime perks without having to grind r*ckoning and also have a full set of amour equipped, so you got freedom with your gear

o it would be GOOD

o sigh

o gambit is the worst now

o it’s like just as hard as prime was too but you don’t get good perks so you just eat shit

o gambit rant over, moving on to planet rant:

· YOU CAN’T SAY THAT FOUR CELESTIAL BODIES HAVE “DISAPPEARED” CANONICALLY ONLY LEAVING AN “ANOMOLY” (AS DESCRIBED BY WEBLORE) AND THEN

· AND THEN fucking have CRUCIBLE AND GAMBIT MATCHES ON THE DISAPPEARED PLANETS

o I totally get that for time, resources, crunch, and hell even desire would mean throwing out a heap of crucible matches would be not ideal because then there would be like 3 left

o But

o WHAT THE FUCK. Maybe if you said idk the vanguard has quarantined the four legacy planets due to the giant fucking darkness pyramids looming there so you’re not allowed to go there any more (as like an in game/lore reason for the planets being vaulted)

o Cus like yeah you can’t patrol there anymore but drifter doesn’t care about vanguard sanctions so he can just ignore it for the gambit maps

o And shaxx

o Could like come up with a reason? Idk

o It’s just really

o Really

o Stupid

· I like the move towards being chill with gender (changing “male” and “female” to “Masculine” and “feminine” however I would like to see this go further. Ability to change your pronouns whenever you want, ability to change your characters gender presentation whenever you want, ability to be “androgynous” and use “they/them” pronouns

o Like really, we’re space wizards in the far far future and some of us are even robots. there’s no doubt there would be trans guardians

Final thoughts:

I love this game, I love bungie, I am keen for what the future has to offer

But

I can’t help but feel like this is just another “beginning”

Like shadowkeep was supposed to kick off the era of darkness with the discovery of the first pyramid ship then we just had two random seasons after it that just felt like Curse of Osiris and Warmind Redux

Then arrivals was a phenomenal season

But yeah I was expecting things to be more high stakes I guess? The beyond light campaign didn’t feel very high stakes and it kinda just felt like “oh look you can use the darkness now”

in short, bungie hire me for good ideas and more queer characters

#me #long post #beyond light #beyond light spoilers #destiny 2 #d2 #spoilers #bungie #I would love the big destiny blogs to validate me #but no pressure lol

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eviesmyspiritanimal · 4 years

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Salty Questions List

What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*

I do not understand why people like Devie. Nothing against the people that do like it, but I am most certainly not a Devie lover at all. Like in D1, he’s stalking my baby Evie and in D2, he’s accusing her of cheating on him. Like really. Anyone that knows Evie even a little bit would certainly be fully aware that she would never cheat on anyone ever. She’s too sweet.

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

Definitely. Jaylos (Jay x Carlos), Malvie or Mevie (Mal x Evie), Marlos (Mal x Carlos), Jayvie (Jay x Evie), Jal (Jay x Mal), Umvie (Uma x Evie), Umal (Uma x Mal), and Jil (Jay x Gil) just to name a few.

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

Not as of yet, but it could happen. Idk.

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?*

Once again, let me just reiterate my hatred for Devie. They are relatively popular I believe (unless you count the folks that make Evie a lesbian), but I just don’t like it. At all.

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?*

Yes. I used to like Bal, but after several people seemed to be absolutely unwilling to accept anybody else to ship Ben with, it’s really kind of lost favor with me.

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?*

Yes. Thanks to several very talented writers across several fanfiction websites, I have fell in love with Jay x Audrey or Jaudrey. It’s warring for main OTP status with Huma.

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?*

Jonnie or Jay and Lonnie. I used to like that, but that was before I became familiar with Jaudrey and read some awesome stuff about that, and before Audrey became a sweetie in D3.

8. Have you received anon hate? What about?*

Nothing on this website, but on other websites, I’ve received some bad reviews or comments from guests. Usually, it’s criticism about old stories that I wrote a hundred years ago.

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Doug because he’s a stalker and a false accuser of my angel Evie. Lonnie because she’s very forced and shouldn’t have had such a great role in D2 only to be totally thrown out in D3. Chad because he’s a jerk and mean to my Evie.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

Evie’s. With each movie, they take away a piece of her personality. By D3, she’s a total moron only existing because they created her in the first movie and she has to boost Uma’s importance by being a complete idiot. Evie and Uma deserved better.

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

I don’t know if there’s exactly an unpopular character that I like that the fandom doesn’t, but some people on some websites seem to have a serious aversion to Uma, and I don’t really understand why. I love Uma dearly because she is secretly just the sweetest softie captain I’ve ever seen.

12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

I don’t really think there’s any unpopular arc that I like that the fandom doesn’t. I’m mostly good with all of the arcs except Evie’s.

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

Evie is capable of having an attitude. She has an ego and it needs stroking, but it is very much present.

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

I don’t think I have one. I mostly stay in my happy little Descendants place where I write requests and the stuff that comes from my own head, so I don’t have too much interaction with the whole fandom.

15. Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

Wicked World was kind of goofy, and I wish that they would have actually used the real actors and actresses dressed up instead of the crappy animation.

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

They’d all be real people and not cartoons.

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

I would have had Evie, Jay, and Carlos take a more active role in D3, and they would have been involved in the final showdown with Audrey.

18. Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased?

Heck, no. You like what you like, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

I’m not really sure. I don’t hate much about the fandom, but maybe it’s just how a lot of people automatically like Evie and Mal as being in a romantic relationship. They are very close best friends and sisters, but not girlfriends.

20. What is the purest ship in the fandom?

Jane and Carlos or Jarlos, undoubtedly. Those two are total babies, and so adorable together.

21. What are your thoughts on crack ships?

I think they are very interesting. It sometimes fascinates me how people think of this stuff, but I greatly encourage the creativity. It makes me think of the characters in a different way.

22. Popular character you hate?

Doug. I immensely dislike Doug.

23. Unpopular character you love?

Celia. Most certainly Celia because she is so hilarious. I’ve been thinking of writing a oneshot for her, but we’ll see what happens. I’ve got several fanfics on my plate at this moment.

24. Would you recommend XXX to a friend? Why or why not?

Would definitely recommend Descendants. It is a fantastical world filled with love and lessons, and it is an excellent place to run away to. Especially in these difficult times.

25. How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX?

The Core Four would not have been running back to their abusive parents if I had my say. They’ve been spending so much time getting away from them and developing without them that the kids shouldn’t be going back to those rude and mean old villains.

26. Most shippable character?

Evie is most certainly the most shippable character in Descendants. She is so easily compatible with so many people that it’s just not even funny.

27. Least shippable character?

Chad because he’s a jerk and a total idiot moron brain. End of story.

Please don’t take any of this personally. These are just my opinions, and I’m not attacking anyone for their, so please don’t attack me for mine. You guys run free with your imaginations for your ships. :)

Also, I can’t remember where I got this list from, lol, but it’s floating around here on Tumblr. Look at some Descendants blogs. If anyone knows where it came from, be sure to comment and tell me.💙

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bpdanakins · 5 years

Text

Anakin Skywalker + Borderline Personality Disorder

Hello there!

My name’s Elizabeth, and I really love Anakin Skywalker. I also really love the headcanon of him having Borderline Personality Disorder, so today I’m going to explore that headcanon. I’ll be explaining both the illness and its symptoms in detail, so you don’t need prior knowledge of BPD to read.

Like all mental illnesses, BPD can be expressed in many different ways. I’ll do my best to explore the ways Anakin shows signs and symptoms of it, and I’ll use a bit of both my own experience and experiences others have shared. You may agree or disagree, it’s all good. This is just something for fun, and I hope you enjoy reading it.

To start, I should explain what Borderline Personality Disorder is first. In the words of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), Borderline Personality Disorder is defined as:

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a condition characterized by difficulties regulating emotion. This means that people who experience BPD feel emotions intensely and for extended periods of time, and it is harder for them to return to a stable baseline after an emotionally triggering event.

This difficulty can lead to impulsivity, poor self-image, stormy relationships and intense emotional responses to stressors.

The symptoms of BPD as listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) reads as following:

** A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating.)

Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behaviour.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

Chronic feelings of emptiness.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurring physical fights).

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Alright, now that we have a basic understanding of the illness, I’ll move on to breaking down these symptoms and how they relate or show in Anakin with examples. I’ll be categorizing them as done in this article for ease of reading: Affective symptoms (covering criterion 6, 7 and 8), Impulsive symptoms (criterion 4 and 5), Interpersonal symptoms (criterion 1, 2, and 3) and Cognitive symptoms (criterion 9).

Affective Symptoms Affective symptoms is the category which covers the emotional dysregulation shown in BPD (intense moods, depression, anger and chronic feelings of emptiness). Those with BPD have difficulty controlling the range and intensity of their emotional responses; their emotions are incredibly unstable, changing moods often - sometimes within minutes.

In my experience, having BPD is like having a constant storm going on in your head, drowning out so many different things while highlighting all the wrong ones. Emotions can slam into you, so suddenly without warning or reason, so overwhelming that you can’t even think. That emotion is all there is. And then, just as suddenly, it recedes, leaving you feeling empty, or is replaced by another.

There are many, many examples of moments where Anakin’s emotions seem to change within moments. It is most prevalent with anger, especially since he has used it since a child as a way to cope with fear or other distressing situations and emotions.

Anakin was on top of him so fast the bigger being barely had time to put up his arms in defense before he was on the ground. Anakin was hitting him as hard and fast as he could, not thinking about anything but how angry he was, not even aware that the source of his anger had nothing to do with his victim and everything to do with losing Padmé. -- The Phantom Menace novelization

It is worth to note, too, that often the expressions of anger noticed in Borderlines stems from fear, panic, hopelessness, and desperation.

Borderlines are extremely sensitive to outside stimuli, meaning that a lot of the mood changes are in response to external events; particularly perceived rejection, failure or abandonment, although not always.

We know, as many characters have pointed out, Anakin focuses on the negative. Borderlines tend to be hypersensitive to the emotions of others, but often we’re more likely to notice negative emotions, rather than positive ones. This often results in us being more vulnerable in the face of criticism, and what would cause slight embarrassment for another may cause deep humiliation for us.

After this iconic first attempt at flirting, and Padmé’s subsequent teasing remark [“You’ll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine.”], Anakin’s reaction is explained thus in the novel: “And if she had taken his lightsaber from his belt and sliced his legs out from under him, she would not have shortened Anakin Skywalker more.”

(Another note on his attention to negativity is that he missed her widened smile, or the clear implications of it, too caught up in the idealized experience of being in her presence.)

However, while it is more common for a Borderline to swing toward the negative, this is not always the case! We feel all emotions to a higher degree, and this includes happiness, excitement, and other positive emotions. Anakin shows this too, mostly in response to things like approval, or love:

“Anakin.” Obi-Wan’s voice had gone soft, and his hand was warm on Anakin’s arm. “There is no other Jedi I would rather have at my side right now. No other man.” Anakin turned, and found within Obi-Wan’s eyes a depth of feeling he had only rarely glimpsed in all their years together; and the pure uncomplicated love that rose up within him then felt like a promise from the Force itself.

This is how it feels to be Anakin Skywalker, for now: The Supreme Chancellor returns your look with a hint of smile and a sliver of an approving nod, and for you, this tiny, trivial, comradely victory sparks a warmth and ease that relaxes the dragon-grip of dread on your heart. -- Revenge of the Sith novelization

(Also look at this face he makes when Obi-Wan says he’s proud of him help me it’s so cute.)

We have an example of all three (anger to perceived criticism and disapproval, heightened emotions to approval, jealousy and playfulness all fluctuating quickly):

Padmé moved back to arm’s length and managed a smile as she looked over to Anakin. “Then my Jedi protector will have to prove how good he is.” Dormé gave a nervous chuckle and wiped a tear from her eye as she smiled and nodded. Off to the side, Anakin held his smile within, deciding consciously to wear a posture that exuded confidence and control. But inside he was thrilled to hear Padmé’s compliments coming his way. Obi-Wan shattered that warmth, pulling the young Padawan off to the side. “You stay on Naboo,” Obi-Wan said. “Don’t attract attention. Do absolutely nothing without checking in with me or the Council.” “Yes, Master,” Anakin answered obediently, but inside, he was churning, wanting to lash out at Obi-Wan. Do nothing, absolutely nothing, without checking in, without asking for permission? Hadn’t he earned a bit more respect than that? Hadn’t he proven a bit more resourceful, a Padawan to be trusted? “I will get to the bottom of this plot quickly, M’Lady,” he heard Obi-Wan say to Padmé. Anakin seethed inwardly. Hadn’t that been exactly the course he had suggested to his Master when they had first been assigned to watch over the Senator? “You’ll be back here in no time,” Obi-Wan assured her. “I will be most grateful for your speed, Master Jedi.” Anakin didn’t appreciate hearing Padmé speak of any gratitude at all toward Obi-Wan. At least, he didn’t want Padmé to elevate Obi-Wan’s importance in all this above his own. “Time to go,” he said, striding forward. [...] “Suddenly I’m afraid,” Padmé said to him as they walked away, heading toward the giant star freighter that would take them to Naboo. Behind the pair, R2-D2 rolled along, tootling cheerily. “This is my first assignment on my own. I am, too.” Anakin turned about, taking Padmé’s gaze with his own, and grinned widely. “But don’t worry. We’ve got Artoo with us!” Again, the levity was much needed. -- Attack of the Clones novelization

Most of the events that take place on Grievous’ ship in Revenge of the Sith, both the movie and the novelization, are a great example of Anakin’s inability for emotional modulation (i.e. the ability to control the intensity of emotions) and his emotional dysregulation. He experiences joy when joking with Obi-Wan, later fear which he turns to fury during his fight with Dooku, dissociates (as I will show below) when he executes him, and then happiness when teasing Obi-Wan and having approval from Palpatine.

Impulsive Symptoms There are many times in media and society that being impulsive is seen as a good thing. Spontaneity is a thrilling and exciting trait, and someone who has it is framed as a fun person to be around.

However, in mental illness, impulses are often uncontrollable and detrimental to the health and safety of the self or of others. In BPD, it is described as reckless and self-damaging.

Many in the fandom see Anakin as a reckless and impulsive person. It’s framed in a good light; it means he thinks “outside the box”, is unconventional but gets things done and saves the day anyways. And it is true, he is those things and he often does so to help others. Plus, we have to take into consideration that the Force plays a role too. What is considered almost automatically harmful recklessness to us may not be for someone with the Force.

The line that must be drawn, then, is all about intent and motive. Is he doing this because he wants to hurt himself, or because he does not care if it harms him as a result? Without knowing his internal thoughts on the matter, or without being shown the actions as carelessness combined with negative emotions, it can be pretty tough to nail down.

So, we can perhaps infer if something Anakin does might follow in the lines of suicidal/self-injurous behaviour, but given the nature of what the shows/movies/books are (aka, not meant to be THAT dark, despite, you know, burning people and dead children, I guess), we don’t really have much to go on.

One easy example, however, is shown through the lens of parasuicide.

PARASUICIDE Parasuicide is a term for behaviour that includes both actual suicide attempts and self-injuries with little or no intent to cause death. Take, for example, an individual engaging in reckless driving: they could be doing it for the rush, in hopes it drowns out their overwhelming negative emotions, and while their intent at the time is not on crashing and dying, they might not care if it happens.

Cannonfire blazed past him, impacting on the support struts ahead. Too late to change his mind now: he was committed. He would bring his ship through, or he would die. Right now, strangely, he didn’t actually care which. -- Revenge of the Sith novelization

Interpersonal Symptoms One of the most commonly recognized symptoms of BPD are those that affect our interpersonal relationships. The fear of abandonment, the black-and-white thinking, the lack of a true identity: these are symptoms you are most likely to hear discussed first when looking into BPD or talking to someone about it.

These three criteria are all very intertwined, and they often feed or lean into each other. But most importantly, these are the symptoms that tend to come with a lot of terminology used specifically in Borderline circles.

SPLITTING What is splitting? Splitting is the term we use for the moments we switch from idealization to devaluation, or vice versa. Borderlines tend to think in black and white with no shades of gray; either people are all good, or all bad. When we “split”, it is a change in that opinion or worldview from one to the other.

In other words, one could say...

Splitting can be caused by all sorts of things, such as someone not living up to the ideal or triggering the fear of abandonment.

Splitting is often associated with opinions of others, but Borderlines can split on their views of themselves, objects, things, beliefs or even organizations (like, say, the Jedi Order).

Anakin’s splitting is often shown in his relationship with Obi-Wan. He sees him as a great hero, the greatest Jedi ever - as wise as Master Yoda and as powerful as Master Windu. (There’s also this.) He can wax poetic about how Obi-Wan is his best friend, a great mentor, that Anakin loves him...

Yet, even in the same conversation, or even within only days, he talks about Obi-Wan being jealous, overly critical, holding him back, saying it’s his fault that Anakin’s struggling. He can be joking with him in an elevator one moment, to seething the next when Obi-Wan expresses disapproval or disappointment. (Essentially AotC Anakin is splitting on Obi-Wan the whole time.)

Anakin can go on about how he loves Obi-Wan, that he wouldn’t have it any other way than to be fighting at his side, and then easily switch to saying that he cannot be trusted, to saying I hate you. And when he says and thinks these things, he means them. Why is it that Anakin can seemingly forget the soft, genuine moments he’s had with Obi-Wan within hours, to the point his entire view on who Obi-Wan is can change?

RELATIONSHIP OBJECT PERMANENCE Object permanence is a skill we all learn when we are mere infants. To put it simply, it is the realization that just because we cannot see or sense something anymore, does not mean it no longer exists. It’s why babies cry when someone leaves the room; they do not realize that things can exist even when not right in front of them.

In turn, relationship object permanence is the knowledge that a relationship, and all the good feelings that come with it, exists even when that relationship is not being constantly affirmed. (i.e. If you do not tell me you care for me, how can I know?) This skill is one Borderlines tend to lack, which is why we have such fears of abandonment, even when it’s irrational.

A simple example of this in Anakin is that he shares that Soft moment with Obi-Wan mentioned above - the one about the pure, uncomplicated love - only to later that night tell Padmé:

“Maybe he does [love me]. But I don’t think he trusts me.” His eyes went as bleak as the empty night. “And I’m not sure we can trust him.”

In the moment, Anakin does not doubt Obi-Wan’s feelings. Later, when he is full of fear, when he is so focused on Padmé and their child, he doubts Obi-Wan’s loyalties, let alone how much he cares.

On the flipside, Anakin idealizes Padmé. A lot. To the point he has, in a way, built part of his identity around her. Borderlines tend to lack a solid sense of self, and sometimes an expression of this identity disturbance revolves around defining oneself by their relationships; losing these, in turn, results in a sense that everything is meaningless and empty.

Since he was a child, Anakin saw Padmé in a grand light: she was an angel, beautiful and perfect, and he just knew he was gonna marry her. Since that moment, he has not ever dismantled or even noticed that pedestal he has placed her upon.

For years, he clung to the idea that he would be her husband, and this turned into, in his mind, a simple fact of his life. A piece of him that he could be sure about. He knows he is not what a Jedi should be; he is called the Hero With No Fear, which he knows is so inaccurate; they’re losing the war... but he has Padmé, and he cannot lose her.

“The Hero With No Fear. What a joke... Padmé, I can’t lose you. I can’t. You’re all I live for.”

“I couldn’t wait, Padmé. I had to see you.” He took her in his arms. “Tonight is forever from now - how am I supposed to live that long without you?” -- Revenge of the Sith novelization

Another of the hallmark symptoms of BPD is the frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, whether real or imagined. Borderlines often find it extremely hard to let go of relationships, and will do much in an effort to keep others from leaving.

Losing people he loves is the source of Anakin’s greatest fears.

But Anakin’s fear is another kind of dragon. A cold kind. A dead kind. [...] The dragon reminds him, every night, that someday he will lose Obi-Wan. He will lose Padmé. Or they will lose him. All things die, Anakin Skywalker. Even the stars burn out... He can barely even think about it. -- Revenge of the Sith novelization

Now, I have it on good authority that most Borderlines don’t end up going Dark Side and committing massacres to avoid someone they love leaving them, but Anakin likes to stand out.

Cognitive Symptoms These are the symptoms that relate to dissociation, paranoia, hallucinations, delusions, and other troubling but non-psychotic symptoms.

DISSOCIATION Dissociation is a psychological experience in which people feel disconnected from their sensory experience, sense of self, or personal history. It is usually experienced as a feeling of intense alienation or unreality, in which the person suddenly loses their sense of where they are, who they are, of what they are doing. (x) For Borderlines, the most common forms of dissociation experienced are derealization and depersonalization.

DEPERSONALIZATION is defined as a detachment within the self, regarding one’s mind or body, or being a detached observer of oneself. Symptoms include: feeling that you’re an outside observer of your thoughts, feelings, or your body; emotional or physical numbness of your senses or responses to the world around you; a sense that your memories lack emotion, and that they may not be your own memories, and more.

DEREALIZATION is defined as an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Symptoms include: feelings of being alienated from or unfamiliar with your surroundings - as if you’re living in a movie or dream; feeling emotionally disconnected from people you care about; distortions in perception of time, such as recent events feeling like distant past, and more.

For some, dissociation can often be the mind’s way of trying to protect itself from traumatic events or actions; sometimes even in response to extreme emotions. An easy example to observe is after Shmi’s death in Attack of the Clones - Hayden’s reaction can very easily be read as someone who is immediately trying to disconnect (emotionally, mentally) to this sudden trauma.

It’s expounded upon in its novelization as well:

The minutes slipped past and Anakin just sat there, immobilized by his confusion, by a budding rage and the most profound sense of emptiness he had ever known. Only when the pale light began to grow around him, making the low-burning candles seem even thinner, did he even remember where he was. He looked about, wondering how he might get his mother’s body out of there. [...] He could hardly move, though. There seemed a profound pointlessness to it all, a series of motions without meaning.

We also often have Anakin describing moments as if they were ‘a dream’, as if these things weren’t a part of him, but here are two good examples from the RotS novel:

The murderer blinked again. Who am I? Was he the slave boy on a desert planet, valued for his astonishing gift with machines? Was he the legendary Podracer, the only human to survive that deadly sport? Was he the unruly, high-spirited, trouble-prone student of a great Jedi Master? The star pilot? The hero? The lover? The Jedi? [...] The deck bucked as the cruiser absorbed a new barrage of torpedoes and turbolaser fire. Dooku’s severed head bounced along the deck and rolled away, and Anakin woke up.

In the Tusken camp he had lost his mind. [...] The Tuskens has been killed, slaughtered, massacred - but that has been beyond his control, and now it seemed to him as if it had been done by someone else: like a story he heard that had little to do with him at all.

PARANOID THOUGHTS Paranoia involves intense anxious or fearful feelings and thoughts often related to persecution, threat, or conspiracy. Paranoia can become delusions, when irrational thoughts and beliefs become so fixed that nothing (including contrary evidence) can convince a person that what they think or feel is not true. (x)

Signs of paranoia include intense, irrational mistrust or suspicion, which can bring on a sense of fear, anger and betrayal. Some symptoms include mistrust, hypervigilance, difficulty with forgiveness, a defensive attitude in response to imagined criticism, preoccupation with hidden motives, fear of being deceived or taken advantage of, inability to relax or being argumentative.

Within Borderlines, this ideation is described as transient and stress-related, meaning it often only lasts a short time and is brought on by a high level of stress.

Anakin experiences many bouts of paranoia over his life, often manifesting in his (sort of) delusion that Padmé is in grave danger, that he must do anything to protect her from it; in the thoughts that the Jedi mistrust him, are out to get him because of jealousy or other reasons; that even Obi-Wan cannot be trusted; and even, at times, that Padmé will stop loving him and leave him.

He knew, deep in his guts, that something had happened to her. An accident, or she was sick, or she’d been caught in one of the vast number of buildings hit by debris from the battle today... She might be trapped somewhere right now, might be wounded, might be smothering, calling out his name, might be feeling the approach of flames- [...] He could barely breathe. He couldn’t make himself even think it. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking it. Had something changed? For her? In how she felt?

“Is Master Windu turning everyone against me? [...] It has to do with them all being against me. They always have been - most of them didn’t even want me to be a Jedi.” -- Revenge of the Sith novelization

His biggest triggers for these episodes are often related to his prophetic nightmares, but also in any reminder or flashback of his trauma and fear of losing the people he loves.

---

Conclusion Anakin Skywalker is a fascinating and complex character for so many reasons, and many people are intrigued by his story because of it. Many of those are people who also have neurodivergencies or other disabilities, and that’s why - even if these headcanons are simply that, and probably won’t ever be verified - sharing with each other the ways we see ourselves in characters is both important, but also fun.

Whether you can see this headcanon for Anakin, have one for a similar/co-morbid disorder (such as mood disorders, PTSD, ADHD, etc), or none of the above, I hope you at least enjoyed the read. It was certainly pretty text heavy, so I thank you for getting this far.

If you enjoyed this and have your own thoughts, feel free to share! I’d love to chat if you have any questions, want to make fun of this Literal Human Disaster(tm), or if you have your own headcanons you want to talk about.

I certainly have many more thoughts on this - how it could relate to his decisions/actions, more examples (especially since I only used the bare minimum), more BPD behaviours, even theories about how maybe the Force could have played into it, etc. Hopefully I’ll get better at writing these out if I ever get around to sharing them.

Ultimately though, at the end of the day, we all just want to have fun, and bond over stories that mean a lot to us one way or another. Thank you again for your time; it means a lot.

---

SOURCES:

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace dir. George Lucas. Lucasfilm Ltd, 1999 novelization by Terry Brooks

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones dir. George Lucas. Lucasfilm Ltd, 2002 novelization by R.A. Salvatore

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith dir. George Lucas. Lucasfilm Ltd, 2005 novelization by Matthew Stover

Borderline Personality Disorder National Alliance on Mental Illness

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, 2013 American Psychiatric Association

Diagnosing Borderline Personality Disorder by Robert S. Biskin, MD & Joel Paris, MD National Center for Biotechnology Information

Dissociation and Dissociative Disorders Mental Health America

Paranoia and Delusional Disorders Mental Health America

Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha M. Linehan

My own personal experiences

FURTHER READING:

shitborderlinesdo on tumblr has an extensive FAQ (p1, p2) which you may find useful, although most of the posts are from about four years ago

anything by Marsha M. Linehan is useful, especially her book listed above (download)

the NCBI site has a lot of good articles with even better citations, and the citations can be read through sci-hub.

#star wars #anakin skywalker #actuallybpd #actuallyborderline #star wars headcanons #mental illness headcanons #bpd headcanon #borderline anakin skywalker #anakin headcanons #star wars meta #this took me a long while #anyways! tldr anakin skywalker has borderline personality disorder thank you for coming to my ted talk

344 notes · View notes

kingben · 4 years

Note

Is it bad that I don't ship Ben with any of the core four (and god forbid I personally ship him with Harry)? It just seems wrong to ship him with any of the core four because even though 3 of them didn't magically drug him they helped and were okay with keeping him drugged. Plus in D2 they never really considered Ben when it came to him and Mal's relationship. He was always the bad guy in a way to them because he hurt Mal or he pressured to do something. When he blamed himself not one denied it.

You are free to ship or not ship whatever you want. If it makes you uncomfortable, that’s all the reason you need to not ship it. I’m not going to judge anyone for their shipping choices. And no, it’s not bad for you to not ship them. I can see where you’re coming from, though I do ship all of those.

As someone who ships Ben with pretty much all of the VKs, I have a different view on the situation. I’m not trying to convince you to start shipping any pairings, but I just wanted to explain my view on things. Keep in mind the kids from the Isle grew up without love. They didn’t see it in their parents or any married couples on the Isle. Mal even states in the first movie that she doesn’t know what love feels like. To the core four, they have only read of this vague concept of love, and to them, it’s something only people who grew up in Auradon can have.

I think it makes a lot of sense that Mal’s first thought was a love potion as that’s the kind of thing they were taught in school on the Isle. Moreover, she didn’t think she could win Ben on her own. None of the core four did. And keep in mind they are still actively trying to impress their parents by doing evil. They know a love spell isn’t the good thing to do, but it’s the story they’re familiar with, and they simply cannot see another way to do it. Not to mention they don’t know what will happen or what love looks like. The love potion was also an experiment for them, to see how love works in Auradon since none of them really knew. The “Did I Mention?” number throws Mal so hard because she didn’t realize love could be that passionate and intense, even if it’s fake. Mal feels guilty almost the whole time she’s using the spell. She didn’t realize Ben acting in love with her would stir her own feelings for him.

(continued under the cut)

That’s why she prepares an anti-love spell. Maybe she thinks he was in love with Audrey and she robbed them of that love or maybe she’s just feeling bad because she doesn’t think Ben would ever feel that way for her on his own (or both), we don’t know. But she definitely knows that this was a mistake and literally any other plan would have been better. But it’s almost coronation and there’s no time to do anything else. Still she prepares the anti-love potion because she doesn’t want to string Ben along like this anymore. Evie is concerned when Mal wants to break the love spell because she thinks Ben will punish Mal or send her back to the Isle after learning what she did. The core four have not built up a trust with Ben yet.

Part of the issue I can see you are experiencing with this comes from the way the other three act around Mal. Just like on the Isle, they are looking to her example and following her orders. I think part of that is deeply ingrained in how they were raised. It is really hard to shake that kind of mindset if you were taught to fear and follow the strongest among you. Whether the other three were fine with the plan or not, they would have still gone along with it. Mal’s plan could have been to send him into an eternal sleep, and they probably would just let her do it. Fear of their parents, a deep rooted desire to impress the parents that never gave them any approval, and just that whole mindset of “life in Auradon won’t last because the VKs never get anything good.” They come to Auradon not expecting to stay there. It’s Mal falling in love with Ben, the other three finding things they’re good at, and Mal defeating her mother, who would have turned Auradon into another version of the Isle, that convince them they can stay.

And after Ben sees Mal’s plan, he doesn’t for one moment think Mal just made him fall in love with him to trick him. He’s convinced she can be good and that they really did fall in love. And Mal confirms this with her speech about wanting to stay there with Ben, who makes her really happy. After the fight with Maleficent, Ben forgives Mal. She has proved his theory correct: the kids of villains don’t have to be evil like their parents. And for me, Ben’s ability to forgive the core four makes me feel comfortable with shipping him with any of them. He doesn’t resent them for what they did, but he does understand where they were coming from. He makes a real effort in the second movie to show Mal that he does love the real her with that stained glass of her with the glowing green eyes. He accepts her just the way she is, but it does take Mal a little longer to trust him the same way.

The core four do not build up a trust with Ben until the end of the second movie when Evie asks Ben to send more kids from the Isle (something they should have been doing already). I don’t like that they used Ben falling in love with Mal and becoming king as an excuse to why he hasn’t continued his plan to bring over more kids. He was too busy to continue his dream?? Yeah, I don’t buy it. Lazy writing. They should have just had King Beast or the council slowing down the process (like in the books). All the blame shouldn’t have been put on Ben.

You’re definitely right that Evie, Carlos, and Jay were way too quick to take Mal’s side after Ben showed up at Cotillion. Even when Mal runs back to the Isle, the blame is put on Ben. Even though Mal had a lot of other reasons to leave. Namely that she didn’t think she fit the Auradon image and she was so worried about being judged that she was placing herself in a box to conform to. At the Cotillion scene, I’m surprised the core four didn’t immediately think of a love spell. I think that shows how long they’ve been in Auradon. Just those six months away from the Isle have made them less paranoid. Overall it is a good thing, but in this situation, it made them slow to realize what was happening. Mal should have recognized it as her same plan from half a year ago. A villain kid’s first instinct it seems, thanks to years of Villain History in school.

If they had recognized the love spell for what it was, they would have seen that Ben was the victim here and taken his side. Though this is the second time in Descendants 2 that they have made Ben the damsel in distress that needs to be saved by the VKs. As much as I love these characters, I can admit that the writing and characterization are often inconsistent. It doesn’t make any sense for the core four to believe that Ben fell in love with Uma on the Isle after knowing her for a few hours. They knew it was a love potion that made Ben jump to Mal six months ago, and Ben admits he was already feeling things for Mal before the love spell in the first movie. It shouldn’t make sense that he would just jump to someone else, and yet the writers decided to do that. To mirror what happened with the love spell in the first movie, to give Mal a chance to see herself from the outside. If she wasn’t sorry for the love spell before, she’s definitely sorry now. And we can see that Uma is a victim of her parent’s teaching just like the other VKs, and Ben’s the only one that seems to believe she can change like the core four did. Even after she spelled him. I really think that speaks to Ben’s character and his forgiving nature. He recognizes how the kids from the Isle were raised, and he’s willing to be patient and help them.

In conclusion, there is a lot that could have been handled better in these movies. They did really romanticize the love potion storyline, so I can definitely see where you’re coming from, but I’m comfortable shipping Ben with the core four in canon and outside of canon because Ben forgives them.

#descendants #descendants 2 #ben florian #bal #ben x mal #loveyourpersona #thanks for your question #sorry this is long #did not mean to write an essay #there was a lot to unpack in that question #love talking about descendants #curious to know which descendants pairings you do ship

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romana73 · 4 years

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REYLO FANFIC: YIN AND YAN. CHAPTER 5, PART II

WRITER: Romana73 TIME: One year after Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi THEME AND FANDOM: Star Wars RATING: Explicit TITLE: Yin and Yan CATEGORIES: M/F COUPLES: Kylo Ren / Ben Solo and Rey CHARACTERS: Rey, Kylo Ren / Ben Solo, Anakin Skywalker (nominated), BB - 8, Knights of Ren, Chewbacca, Darth Vader (nominated), Finn, General Hux, Han Solo (nominated), Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, Poe Dameron, Rose Tico, boys from Canto Bright, Snoke (nominated), various Resistance and First Order fighters WARNINGS: Star Wars characters, world and stories AREN’T MINE AND DON’T BELONG TO ME, but they are created and owned by George Lucas, Lucasfilm, Disney, J.J. Abrams and Rian Johnson and the actors who play the Star Wars characters and their stories. I’M NOT IN ANY WAY LINKED TO THESE PEOPLE AND CINEMATOGRAPHIC HOUSES. I DON’T KNOW NO ONE OF THEM and I’M IN NO WAY IN CONTACT WITH THEM

WARNINGS 2: violence, also in terms of language. The starting idea of this story derives from a leaks I read last year and which struck my imagination CHAPTER I can be found HERE: https://romana73.tumblr.com/post/189784450126/reylo-fanfiction-yin-e-yan CHAPTER II can be found HERE: https://romana73.tumblr.com/post/189959876431/reylo-fanfic-yin-and-yan-part-2 CHAPTER III can be found HERE: https://romana73.tumblr.com/post/190301208881/reylo-fanfic-yin-and-yan-3-part CHAPTER IV can be found HERE: https://romana73.tumblr.com/post/190662591396/reylo-fanfic-yin-and-yan-chapter-iv

CHAPTER V, PART I can be found HERE : https://romana73.tumblr.com/post/614181147435532288/reylo-fanfic-yin-and-yan-part-5

CHAPTER V (PART II )

Kylo had burst into bitter laughter when he saw cell where Resistance had locked him up. He imagined few were aware of his being only son of Leia Organa and Han Solo, nephew of Luke Skywalker, but that was no justification. Resistance would have had to learn more about enemies if it intended to fight effectively. Remaining on his feet, boy leaned back against a wall, looking around. Cell hadn't seemed to change since Luke had built it, except for two long, large chains attached to ceiling. Kylo had returned to focusing on what really interested him. Sitting on ground, legs bent and spread apart, looking ahead, he was fumbling with his right arm until he was able to press point of limb interested him. By keeping his concentration, he had managed to use his mind to operate watch on his wrist, although it was stuck under cuffs. Two minutes later, clock had vibrated. Kylo had smiled. - Wait for my signal - Supreme Leader had ordered in a calm tone, speaking to nothing. Clock chirped like a cricket and Kylo mentally turned it off.

"Rey ..." closing his eyes, the young leader had leaned his head against wall, looking for contact with girl, but nothing had come. She still had to be unconscious. His concentration had been disturbed by a strong, familiar presence. Supreme Leader had stiffened, snapping his eyes open, pulling himself to his feet. - General Organa ...- he murmured in a dark voice, taking a few steps, hiding in the shadows. Wrapped in a long gray silk dress, cut in empire style, with a long silver vest, sleeveless, high-necked, the princess and leader of the Resistance, Leia Organa was standing in front of the prison bars, which she stared at him with wet eyes. "Ben ..." murmured the woman in a broken voice. - No. Kylo Ren. I advise you to go back upstairs, General, to safety. I killed her husband Han Solo ... you don't want me to do same with you, do you?- He had cut him short, staying in the shadows. His tone of voice was cold and hard. Leia had pursed her lips and, with a trembling chin, straightening her back, had left the room. Kylo had sat on the ground, gritting his teeth. By time he chased her away, he had felt woman's heart break, her physical weakness resulting from being thrown out of her spaceship after his attack, her belief he was lost. In perceiving mother's thought, Kylo had darkened. General Organa's belief had irritated him, though she was nothing to him anymore. Only an annoying shadow of the past, which had considered him lost since childhood. Where was the news? The sound of furious footsteps had torn Kylo from his reflections. - What did you do to our General? - Standing in front of cell entrance, Poe Dameron, best Resitance’s pilot, had accused him. Man's dark brown eyes sent flashes, his short, curly and black hair seemed unkempt from too much going through his hands. Fleshy mouth, surrounded by a veil of beard, was tight in a thin line, sign of Poe's attempt to maintain control. Behind him, Finn stared at him frowning, looking at him from bottom to top. Resolute and tense, the ex-stormtrooper seemed ready to shoot. Poe had opened cell, entering with a firm step, standing in front of Kylo. Finn had joined him silently. BB-8, Poe's round droid, had rolled beside master, emitting a shy beep. Kylo had looked at both men with a hard but calm expression, then shrugged. - I only remembered who I am, what I did and I could still do ...- he had explained placidly. Two remained staring at him with a dark questioning expression painted on their faces. Kylo had sighed patiently. - I killed Han Solo, your dear General’s husband and I could do same with her... with all of you - he had clarified. - Damn you! - Finn was no longer able to restrain himself and jumped towards him, taking him by neck and slamming him against wall. In Finn’s mind were still vivid images of Leia crying alone in her room for death of her beloved husband. Finn remembered well evening when, passing in front of General's room, he had heard loud sobs. Concerned, he entered in room without asking for permission, finding Leia, sitting at table crying bent and desperate, with one hand over her mouth, in front of an Han Solo’s old hologram. Without saying a word, dark young man had placed one knee on the ground, bending other and embraced Leia, making her head rest on shoulder and rocking her, while she was letting off steam. Now Kylo Ren had dared to turn knife over in that not yet closed wound. - Finn! - Poe had intervened, bringing him back to reality. -Mr Finn! - C3 - PO had entered the cell agitatedly, followed by RD - D2 -Don't do it, please! Upstairs there is an air so sad! General heard you go down to prisons and sent us to check... princess closed herself in her room and Miss Rey is still unconscious! Please, Mr. Finn, don't complicate things! - The intervention of C3 - PO had been strengthened by the metallic noises of RD - D2. -Listen to your new friends, FN-2187. You won't want to disappoint Rey ...- Kylo had commented, before hitting Finn with a headshot in the face. The young man had fallen to the ground, rolling and moaning, holding his bleeding nose with both hands. -Finn!- Poe had screamed, running to his friend and bending over him. BB-8 had emitted a series of loud beeps. Pilot had frantically searched his pockets for something to dab the other 's nose until he found a cloth originally intended for cleaning his X - Wing and passed it to young man, helping him to pull himself up. - I don't need to use the Force to beat you. I can do it even in normal conditions...- Kylo had continued. Poe had grabbed him by collar. -I don't like using these methods, but you wanted it ... - man had hissed between his teeth, forcefully bringing Kylo towards chains hanging from cell’s ceiling. Finn had watched the scene with a grim expression, before rising to his feet, quickly wiping off residual blood and putting cloth in a pocket of his blue trousers, helping to chain his former commander. - If you wanted to hang me without difficulty, You could use blinding light you used to capture me in forest... - Kylo had provoked. RD - D2 had issued some beep trades. He had taken a quick look at droid he had known since childhood, before returning to focus on the two men in front of him. - Of course, I didn't think you would involve Rey ...- he continued. - I don't know what you're talking about and I don't care! That light has knocked you out and that's enough. As for Rey ... don't you dare pronounce her name! - Finn had replied angrily, tightening chains on his wrists and going away. -Really? It seems normal to me to be interested in my ex-ally ...- Kylo had commented casually. Finn had snapped like a snake, grabbing him again by collar. -He has nothing to do with you! - Boy had screamed, narrowing his eyes. Kylo had hidden his surprise. Rey hadn’t revealed anything to his friends about he had killed Snoke and wanted to kill Leia and Resistance... for possessing Anakin's lightsaber, leaving him on the ground, passed out, and stealing a ship to join them on Crait. Furious, Kylo had followed her, ordering her pilots to shoot down the Falcon led by her, Chewbacca and Finn. -I'm not lying. Rey left Ach - To and Luke to come to me. We killed Snoke and Praetorian Guards together - Kylo had revealed in a calm tone, staring in Finn’s eyes. Moving fast, his former subordinate had hit him in chest with a dagger hidden in belt of his pants. Kylo had tensed, pursing his lips and holding on to chains with both hands. Blade’s cold had clashed with warm blood dripped from his chest, giving a strange feeling of unreality, if it hadn't been for burning pain coming from diagonal cut pierced his shirt and flesh. - Finn! - Poe had called his friend back, taking him by arms, fighting with him to keep him still.

RD - D2 had reinforced the pilot's words with loud metallic noises. C3PO had started pacing up and down like an agitated hen. BB-8 had made a disjointed tour of cell, immediately returning to Poe. Kylo had quickly looked down at wound. -Good, FN-2187. You gave me back blow I dealt you at Star Killer Base, but mine was on your back, though and... I didn't lie about Rey - he observed mildly. Finn had managed to free his arm from Poe's grip and, clenching his hand into a fist, had hit Kylo in face. Supreme Leader had found himself with his face turned to one side. Poe had blocked his friend again, murmuring something in his ear, then he had turned to BB-8, instructing him to go back upstairs to perform check rounds inside base. Without moving, Kylo had glanced sideways at round and whirling white droid, with orange and silver outlines. Months earlier he himself had searched for that little robot, in whose memory was kept map missing piece to find Luke Skywalker, man wanted by both Snoke and Resistance. Looking for BB-8, Kylo had met Rey, to whom the little droid had attached himself like a puppy. Something vague and undefined had warned him to keep an eye on droid. At that moment, a strong sensation had shaken Kylo, who had remained silent and motionless. She had recovered, sensed pain from wound Finn had inflicted on him and she was coming. Rey had overwhelmed everyone like a cyclone, surprising even him. It wasn't she stopped torture and freed him from chains, surprised Kylo. He knew this was in Rey nature, but he never expected her to heal him, offering him side a second time. Such naivety wasn’t acceptable. Rey had seen him kill Han, hurt Finn, wildly attack his precious Resistance on Crait. She knew very well his intention to kill Jedi, Sith, Resistance and everything represented past, why help him? Irritated by those thoughts, Kylo had attacked Rey, hurting her, undecided whether to take her and drag her with him, as he had planned from the beginning, or leave her there and forget her... Cardo's arrival had shaken him. Resistance guards had done little. Taking advantage of knowledge of place, Kylo had instructed Cardo about where to hide and multitude of conflicting feelings aroused by his presence at base, had facilitated things. Following instinct, Kylo had jumped on Rey. He knew he was physically stronger than she was and she couldn’t use Force in that cell. Nonetheless, Kylo had been surprised at intensity with which Rey had struggled. At times, he had to struggle to hold her back, especially when others and children had arrived. Kylo frowned suspiciously when he noticed Chewbacca was missing. In all that time prisoner, only one who he hadn't seen was huge Wookie, inseparable companions of Han Solo's adventures. Hairy giant seemed to have disappeared into thin air and he didn't like it. Finn's thoughts had torn Kylo out of those considerations, leaving him stunned. Did ex-stormtrooper really detest him to such an extent he thought he would hurt Rey? Kylo knew Finn wasn't really going to hurt Rey and, judging by his reactions, he really ignored what that light was had knocked him and Rey down. His thoughts, however, surprised him. Shortly before, Rey had blamed war and its protracted for some harsh behavior of his friends and, perhaps, he was right, but he still could not end conflict. -Let them go and I'll go with you - he was dumbfounded, hearing these words coming out of Rey's mouth. On reflection, such an offer was part of she's disposition. Kylo had folded his mouth in a grimace. He didn’t like position in which Rey had put him with such a proposal. -Unlike what you think, I don't like blackmailing people or even being teased ...- Kylo had replied, staring into her eyes. His mind was racing when they beat Snoke and Praetorian Guards. He offered his hand to her, while she turned against him as soon as she learned of his intention to exterminate her friends. Kylo had thought, fault of that result was his, he should have been more subtle and put her in front of the fait accompli, not open up like that. -I'm not setting you a trap - Rey had interrupted his thoughts flow, as if she had read in his mind. He stared at her intently, feeling Leia's scrutinizing and attentive gaze on him, noisy protests of others filling his ears, Cardo's lively and silent curiosity pricking him. Kylo had imperceptibly shook his head, to get rid of that useless tangle of emotions. -Okay ...- he had conceded, freeing Rey from his grip and using Force, to free her from handcuffs. -Please, come on - he invited her, indicating to walk in front of him. Kylo had looked sideways at his mother who, on the contrary, was openly staring at him and Rey. This attitude had made him uncomfortable, causing him to quicken his steps, forcing Rey and Cardo to run to follow him. Traveling Finalizer hadn't been easy. Rey was a volcano of emotions overwhelmed him too. She proceeded in silence, between him and Cardo, trying to hold back tears. Kylo admired her. Rey had gone from being an orphan, full of dreams and hopes, on a desert planet, forgotten by everyone, to discovering she had skills few knew and understood deeply, finding herself catapulted into a conflict foreign to her. Cardo had torn him from these reflections, announcing he would precede him to Finalizer. As soon as they were alone, Rey had turned to him, informing him she would never bend to his will. Kylo had sighed patiently when a disturbance in Force drew his attention. Moving fast, he had imprisoned Rey's wrists in anti-Force handcuffs again, obscuring her perceptions. She was already quite agitated, she didn't want it to explode completely. Pretending not to have noticed pursuers, Kylo had taken Rey in his arms to hurry section separated them from Finalizer. She fought like a fury, but he was determined to resist. Sooner or later she would calm down. Rey's bursting into tears, her despair, letting go against his chest, had disoriented him. First time he had carried her to his ship, he had put her to sleep using Force and then secured her to interrogation table. Apparently he had done well, looking problems she was giving him now. Kylo had thought about using Force to make her pass out again, but when he lowered his eyes on her, he realized Rey had gone from tears to sleep, her face streaked with tears. Kylo had sighed again and he had better placed her in his arms, following last stretch of road. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kylo had just finished shower, wearing black leather boots and pants and was about to call a medical robot when he heard a new disturbance in Force. He quickly put on a black shirt, thick ribbed, knee-length, with a zipper in middle. He fastened a high black leather belt to his waist and placed his lightsaber into a passerby, glanced at Rey still asleep and, with his black and wavy wet hair falling on his forehead, he left the room. Along corridor, Kylo heard General Hux's sour voice, threatening someone in an amused tone. He snapped his tongue, thinking how much mere hearing of man's voice irritated him. -What happens, General Hux? - He thundered, arriving decisively behind the man. The shadow of a smile passed lightly on Kylo's face, as he saw soldier jerked slightly, at his voice sound. Three stormtroopers with Hux snapped to attention. - So?- Kylo went on, noting four men were surrounding something or someone. Hux moved from his view. - Supreme Leader, we have captured these intruders ...- General indicated prisoners with one hand and Kylo narrowed his mouth, surprised to see who it was. Desperate beeps reached his ears. Kylo raised his eyes, frowning in anger, to see what was going away from the ship. He raised a hand to use Force to block and bring fugitive back, when a blue lightsaber appeared in front of his eyes. Supreme Leader changed goal, using Force to disarm attacker with ease. Lightsaber landed on the ground, extinguishing itself and rolling away a few steps. Without moving or even touching it, Kylo drew it to him, commandeering it. - Thank you, General. He can go back to his duties, here I think - Kylo ordered, dismissing Hux with a hand’s gesture. Man pounded his heels together. Bowing quickly, with his arms stiff at his sides, red hair moved away with a firm and fast pace. Kylo went back to staring at intruders. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Thanks ... nothing ... yes, I know. No ... don't bother me - followed by a medical robot, Kylo returned to room after fixing the intruders. At thought of fugitive he frowned. Kylo expected an attack at any moment, but he had already alerted Hux and practiced troops, giving precise instructions. He had thought of something about Rey as well, although he already anticipated her reaction. Kylo took off his shirt, placing it on a shelf. Shirtless, he sat at table, clenching his teeth and his fist, when robot cut the flesh of his forearm, working with his sharp tentacles to extract microchip he had placed under his skin. A feeling shook him, causing him to look up at Rey's slender lying figure. -Rey ... I know you're awake- Kylo announced, sighing patiently. - I would have a ... surprise for you if and when you deign to get up- he continued, raising his eyebrows with a grimace. Problem wasn’t surprise, but her reaction. Rey tensed, staying alert, then resigned herself to turn slowly, on her side, finding herself staring at Kylo Ren's brown and stormy eyes.

#adam driver #ben solo #daisy ridley #fanfiction #fanfictions #fanfic #kylo ren #my fanfiction #rey #reylo #reylo fanfic #star wars #star wars episode viii #Star Wars fanfic #star wars fanfiction #star wars the last jedi #star wars tlj #the last jedi #tlj

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kittyotakunoir666 · 5 years

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Felinette Month Day 4: Vacation

Guys, College is kicking my ass. They are around mid-twenties and married because honestly, they’ve been together since collége.

D1 D2 D3 D4 D5 D6 D7 D8 D9 D10 D11 D12 D13 D14 D15 D16 D17 D18 D19 D20 D21 D22 D23 D24 D25 D26 D27 D28 D29 D30

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Friday

“We should go on a vacation,” Marinette suggested to Felix. They were both at their home after they both returned back from work for the day and it was around 8 pm. They were both in their home lounge relaxing and enjoying each other’s presence, they were both on the couch with Felix sitting on the couch reading and Marinette laying on his lap also reading a book. Marinette was wearing a long sleeve satin wrap dress (here), she had come from her MDC fashion company, “Our companies are both in a good place, we both are in a good place, so why not have a vacation”

“Oh,” Felix responded. He was wearing a business casual suits (here), “And where would we go?”

“Let’s go back to Buenos Aires in Argentina,” Marinette suggested, “It could be like a second honeymoon for us”

“I think a second honeymoon would be nice,” Felix said thoughtfully, “When do you think we should go”

“Soon, we could plan it for next week since I am ahead of schedule for all my orders for about a month and your bank is also doing good with no troubles at all,” Marinette informed him.

“What if something happens in the week we aren’t here?” Felix asked concerned for leaving for a week

“Then we put Nyx in charge of both businesses,” Marinette told him, “She knows what to do for our businesses and not to mention she is a wonderful secretary without really being a secretary”

“Not to mention a pretty good bodyguard,” Felix said remembering the many times Nyx protected them from anyone harmful.

Marinette at this point had decided to get up from Felix’s lap and lean against Felix’s side instead. She closed her book and took ahold of Felix’s hand and held it while she spoke, “She does try hard to protect the family she gained to make up from the one she lost.”

“It was nice of you to make her your bridesmaid,” Felix said putting his book down and leaning against Marinette now rubbing his thumb on Marinette’s hand, “I think we should go on a second honeymoon, with Nyx in charge of the companies, even if something went wrong, she would take care of it”

“Then it’s settled will have a second honeymoon next week,” Marinette said getting up from the couch pulling Felix with her, “Will start planning tomorrow to leave on Sunday and return on Saturday. Now then let’s go have tea and then off to bed with us”

“We’ll have to sleep in on Monday to sleep off the jet lag since it’ll be a 14-hour flight,” Felix told her. Felix followed his wife still holding her hand all the way to their kitchen before letting go and letting her put the teapot on the stove.

“Then we’ll sleep in and get settled and then on Tuesday we can go out and enjoy our second honeymoon,” Marinette said slyly. They were both sitting down in their dining area that’s connected to the kitchen.

“True, we can even visit the…” Felix said before getting interrupted by the doorbell. They both looked at each other who would be visiting at this hour. They both headed to the door and opened it and were both surprised to see the person they were just talking about. Nyx.

“Hola, mis preciosos,” Nyx said as she walked in when they moved aside to let her in. Nyx then walked to the kitchen where they were just at. The two followed her and she begins to talk and place things on the table from her backpack purse, “I have come to drop off your plane tickets for Sunday morning at 9 am so you’ll arrive around 10 pm which according to the time difference it’ll be 6 pm over there and so I wish you luck with the jet lag. I booked you in Hotel NH Buenos Aires City in the presidential suite which has a wonderful view and it’ll be under Felix’s name. Also, I’ll have everything under control over here and Marinette here is a new sketchbook since I know you’ll get inspired by the places you’ll go, Felix, you won’t have to worry about anything I’ll take care of the businesses.”

Felix and Marinette were both surprised at how Nyx knew their plans when they were both just talking about it. They just nodded along with what Nyx was saying as she continued to put things on the table. Felix needed to ask though on how Nyx knew about their plans, “How did you know what we were planning, we literally we’re just talking about it?”

“The cards told me you both wanted to go on a second honeymoon and that it’ll be the place you were for your first honeymoon so I just got things ready for Sunday, I did try to get you guys an earlier flight but I couldn’t so you got the 9 am instead, pack tomorrow and get ready” Nyx explained walking back to the entrance door with the couple following her again. She opened the door and was heading out when he turned to them to say goodbye, “Adios, mis tesoros, and the teapot will boil the second I leave alright, Adios *muah muah*”

As she closed the door the teapot did indeed start boiling and whistling. Felix and Marinette made their way back to the kitchen and prepared their tea. As they drank their tea they looked over all the things Nyx brought with her. They then got ready for bed and slept to prepare for their second honeymoon.

On Saturday they decided to check the weather and prepare for most of it. They also planned out on where to go for the five days they’ll be there. They packed for if it rains, the pool, sunny days, they prepared for a lot. They also made sure to have things for when Marinette gets inspired and wants to actually make the item she can.

Sunday

The day came when they were leaving for their second honeymoon. Nyx personally dropped them off and promised to keep their house clean. They both were in first-class which on the plane was two chairs on either side of the couple's bed. They got as comfy as they could on the chairs and enjoyed the airplane ride. They then moved to the bed to cuddle as Felix read a book and Marinette was just drawing. They spent the rest of the plane ride on the bed, being comfy and either doing their own thing or watching movies.

When the plane was getting ready to land they put away their things and got ready for the landing. After landing they called for a taxi and were driven to their hotel. They entered the lobby and saw how beautiful it was. The front counter was a nice color mixture of brown. The floor was marble and the carpet was the color velvet. The whole thing was just nice and calmly. They then saw that the clock said 7:46 pm They quickly asked for their room and were given the key.

They made their way to the presidential suite. They opened the suite and noticed that the room was decently big, there was a table with coffee and wine glasses, a minibar, a sitting area, and the bathroom had a bathtub. The bed was tucked in the corner with the TV in front of it and near the window. They settled down and got into bed. They began to watch a movie when they both fell asleep holding onto each other.

Monday

The next day, they woke up around 11 am well rested but still sleepy. They had decided to stay at the hotel and called for room service. While they waited Marinette decided to shower and get dressed. For the day she wore a pink top, white shorts, red anchor earrings, red sandals, a white bracelet, and some sunglasses (here). Felix followed right after and got dressed in a white dress shirt, blue business pants, a brown belt, and brown dress pants. (here).

After they had their breakfast it was around 12:30 pm and they decided to walk around the city near the hotel. They took in the view and kept walking around talking about everything and anything. It started to get dark so they decided to go back to the hotel. They also decided to head to the hotel’s pool which was on the roof.

Marinette changed into an Aegean paisley bandeau one-piece with red flip-flops while Felix put on black swim trunks with black flip flops and they headed to the pool. No one was on the roof, it was just them so they entered the pool and begin talking.

“So, the first day of vacation,” Marinette started while floating next to Felix who only had his legs in the pool, “Is officially over and I enjoyed today”

“As did I, Mari,” Felix said as he got in more into the pool and held Marinette's head in his hand, “It was a wonderful suggestion to go on a second honeymoon”

“My Felix, My kitty” Marinette said leaning her forehead to his, “I love you”

Felix pulled her closer and whispered back, “I love you too”

Tuesday 7 am

On Tuesday they got up early and had decided to visit a cafe that was nearby for breakfast. So they both showered and Marinette put on a black crop top, pink shorts, black boots, pink and white hoops, and black boots (here). Felix was wearing a black shirt, black pants, tan work shoes, a black watch, and a dark green open shirt (here). They spent a good hour at the cafe since Marinette got inspired by the cafe’s vibe.

After they decided to head toward the theatre nearby as Nyx had bought tickets for Tangled the musical which was 1hr long. After that, it was around 9:40 am. They decided to visit the ice rink to skate as they did when they were younger. They skated holding hands and never letting go of each other, they would do tricks, they would skate along with the children, and they would dance when the skating rink put on music.

They had stayed at the ice rink for about 3 hours before leaving at 12:40 pm. So they moved on to go to get lunch at I Latina, a place owned by a friend of Nyx named Linda Hernandez, where they went to in their first honeymoon. They loved the food and enjoyed the company of the friend, they ended up staying there for about 3 hours catching up with Linda and Marinette sketching some designs based on the restaurant and Linda.

So when it turned 4:00 pm they bid Linda goodbye and had decided to head back to the hotel but by walking which would take them at least 2 hours. So as they held hands they began to walk and talk.

“This place is so beautiful” Marinette sighed

“It is, just like our first honeymoon,” Felix said

“Felix, do you remember when we first met?” Marinette asked him. She had grabbed his arm and was leaning on him as they walked.

“How can I forget, it was the day you transferred to my school since you were being bullied at your old school,” Felix said remembering that day, “I was the class representative and I had to show you around since Rosemarie was sick that day”

“And when we became friends by 3rd class you didn’t want to share me with your friends,” Marinette said smugly, “You wanted to keep me all to yourself.”

At this Felix began to develop a small blush before responding, “You were the second friend I made who appreciated silence when needed and noticed I had boundaries immediately just like Nyx. I also didn’t want our friends to scare you away”

“They didn’t” Marinette giggled, “I actually appreciated how they tried to make me feel welcomed. Especially after what I went through, though I did appreciate you hiding me behind you. I also liked how when it came down to it you guys protected me from my old class when they came to visit the school.”

“We will always be there for you, Marinette,” Felix told her. They had made it to the hotel without even knowing it since they both are fast walkers with years of experience, “For better or worse, in sickness and health I’ll be there when you need me”

They kissed and headed to their room when they arrived at 5:45 pm. They had decided to order room service and watch a romantic movie, To All The Boys I Loved Before, and then settling in for the night in each other’s arms whispering I love you’s.

Wednesday 9 am

On this day they had actually woken up late but they didn’t mind. They had showered and gotten ready with Marinette wearing a chiffon bandeau sundress, nine west’s karmic platform wedge sandals, a purple stretch bracelet with earrings to match. Felix was wearing black pants with a black belt, a black dress shirt, and black shoes. ( Mari and Felix ).

They had decided to head to the museums nearby so Marinette could get inspired by the artwork and Felix could talk about the paintings and artifacts. They quickly had breakfast and started making their way to the first museum that would only have paintings. They paid to get in and began to look around with Marinette getting inspired and Felix enjoying telling Marinette what he knew about certain paintings.

They left around 11:46 am so they decided that on their way to the second museum they would get lunch. So they headed back to I Latina and had their lunch, then they headed to the museum of the history of Buenos Aires at 12:46 pm. But as they made their way to the museum they ran into someone from Marinette's past they never had to see after her old class visited their school.

Alya.

Marinette never thought she would see the person she once called ‘best friend’ but here they were. Alya quickly noticed them and made her way to Marinette and Felix, oh boy.

“Marinette, I can’t believe it, How have you been?” Alya asked Marinette. She was acting like they didn’t have a bad history, “It’s been so long”

Felix, when he saw Alya, had put Marinette a step behind him to protect her from anything Alya threw at her. Marinette squeezed Felix’s arm and held his hand to try and calm him down and to tell him that she was okay but she didn’t move from where she was, behind Felix.

“I’ve been good Alya and you?” Marinette asked calmly still holding on to Felix. She was also trying not to run away.

“I’ve also been good though for a while I had trouble getting a job,” Alya responded

“Oh, How come?” Asked Marinette but already knowing the answer. After the class visited her school the class was hit with the biggest karma, with a little help from Nyx, they would ever experience.

“Oh right you wouldn’t know, So it turns out that Lila was lying about everything the whole time and that she was probably not even Italian but she did come from Italy,” Alya explained and as she explained Marinette was becoming angry. “I mean who would have thought right but because she had lied about everything the Ladyblog took a huge hit along with my credibility”

“Yes if only someone had warned you, right Alya” Marinette hissed out making Alya flinch, Felix, who has been quiet in the conversation, had to squeeze Marinette’s hand to calm her as they wouldn’t want a scene to be created since they were still on the street, “I mean it's not like I tried to warn you”

This made Alya mad, “Girl, How was I supposed to know that you were right. Marinette, back then you would easily get jealous whenever any other person showed interest in Adrien who by the way is available right now if you wanna try getting with him”

Alya had a smirk on her face remembering all their plans of the girls trying to get Marinette together with Adrien. But when Alya said that Marinette got angry because she knew Alya might throw her jealous streak at her but got even angrier when she told Marinette of Adrien’s availability as though she wasn’t clinging to Felix at the moment.

“Okay, First of all, Alya, I was your best friend, you knew me, you knew that I didn’t like liars and I was trying to tell you on how I knew she was lying but at that moment you interrupted me, not to mention that I did try many other times before I moved schools. Second of all, Yes I did get jealous but you seem to have forgotten that even if I was jealous I also tried to help him with his crush Kagami,” Marinette raged and at the mention of helping Adrien with Kagami Alya flinched, “And third of all, I don’t care if Adrien is with someone or is available I’m already with someone”

At this Marinette raised her and Felix’s hand up for Alya to see but Alya then rolled her eyes and shook her head before speaking, “Marinette we both know you and whoever this guy is won’t last, now come on give me your phone so I can give you Adrien’s phone number then you can dump this guy and get the guy of your dreams”

This made Marinette pissed and Felix knew they wouldn't make it to the museum and instead will spend the rest of the day trying to calm Marinette so her kleptomania doesn’t activate since it always happens when her emotions become too much. But for now, he would be here for his wonderful wife.

“Alya,” Marinette began seething with anger, “Felix and I are married”

At this Alya’s eyes began to widen as she saw the rings on their hands. She gawked at finally seeing how they held onto each other before getting mad again, “Marinette, why didn’t you tell me, why wasn’t I invited to your wedding?”

At this Felix let out a scoff getting a glare from Alya but it didn’t faze him. Marinette also scoffed before speaking, “Because, Alya, my business is my business and you have no right at my life”

“Mari,” Alya began before being interrupted

“Don’t call me that,” Marinette said letting go of Felix and walking up to ALyas face making her take a step back, “Only my friends call me Mari”

At this Marinette turned and began to walk away leaving Alya behind her just like her past and with Felix following Marinette. They arrived at the hotel got to their room and Marinette began to cry letting out her emotions and finally feeling relief on that particular part of her past. Felix held her and let her cry it out knowing she needed this and knowing that she would feel much better after all this. They spent the rest of the day in their hotel room trying to relax.

Thursday

On Thursday they spent the whole day in their hotel room and the hotel itself relaxing after the day they had the day before.

They went to the gym, the spa, the pool, and the hotel’s restaurant. Doing their laundry and packing their things to prepare for Saturday.

Friday last day around 8:26 am

On their last day on their vacation/second honeymoon, they decided to spend the day walking around the streets and to just spend it outside so they showered and got ready. Marinette wore a pink multi strappy dress, a denim vest, brown ankle boots, and brown feather earrings. Felix wore a white short-sleeved button-up shirt and black lined shorts. ( Mari and Felix ).

They made their way to the Museum they didn’t get to the day before. Then they made their way to the theater again to watch another musical. They then went to the ice rink where they skated with the children again. They had lunch at I Latina saying goodbye and to come to visit Linda when they have time again. They went to the different shops that were around and got some gifts for their friends and a new suitcase to contain the gifts along with also getting survivors. As the day began to die down they made their way to a park that was near and was becoming empty as the night was coming through.

“Felix, My kitty” Marinette began with a smile on her face

“Yes, My bug” Felix responded also with a smile

“There was a reason why I wanted to go on this vacation /honeymoon,” Marinette said as they sat down on a bench. Marinette held Felix’s head in her hands she gave him a kiss before continuing, “I wanted to tell you somewhere special to us about something that will be special to us”

“What is it Marinette?,” Felix asked placing his hands on top of Marinette’s hands that were still holding his head.

“Felix,” Marinette began taking a deep breath, “I’m pregnant”

At this Felix’s eyes widened and before they both knew it he lifted them up from the bench and he lifted Marinette up spinning them around with Marinette letting out giggles and laughing before Felix set her down and giving her a kiss.

“Are you sure my Marinette?” Felix asked wanted it conformed.

Marinette could only nod her head yes as Felix kissed her again both just being so happy. They made their way back to their hotel room where they spent the rest of the night celebrating.

Saturday 7 am

On Saturday they had gotten up and showered and put on the clothes they came to Buenos Aires with. They made their way to the airport and when they got on they headed to first-class and prepared themselves to go back home.

As for the vacation/second honeymoon, other than the confrontation with Alya, they enjoyed it and they looked forward to extending their family with a new member in nine months.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

D1 D2 D3 D4 D5 D6 D7 D8 D9 D10 D11 D12 D13 D14 D15 D16 D17 D18 D19 D20 D21 D22 D23 D24 D25 D26 D27 D28 D29 D30

#felinette #felinette month #felinette month day 4 #day 4 #Alya salt #vacation #second honeymoon #husband and wife #marinette dupain cheng #felix culpa

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agalaxynotsofaraway · 4 years

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Reylo/Star Wars Tag

Created by @supremeprince-bensolo

Rules: Answer the 25 questions and tag some people you think might like to play.

1. When did you start shipping Reylo? After watching TFA the second time. The first time I was too busy screaming over the fact that there was another Star Wars movie to notice anything.

2. Favourite Reylo moment? The hand touch/ you’re not alone. I think it was such a beautiful moment, and something that both of these affection starved people needed.

3. Three words to describe Reylo? Balance,Compassion,Sensitive

4. Favourite thing about Reylo? You have these two incredibly lonely people, who both feel lost/abandoned, find each other. They are the other’s equal. It’s the idea that no matter who you are there is SOMEONE who will truly see you and like what they see.

5. Favourite character? Ben/Kylo, by a long shot.

6. Favourite droid? R2-D2

7. Favourite planet? Dathomir. I always found it fascinating, especially after TCW and reading The Book of the Sith.

8. Favourite spaceship? The falcon of course.

9. Favourite alien species? Porgs

10. Favourite actor/actress? Don’t make me choose between the three. Natalie Portman Ewan McGregor Adam Driver

11. How did you get into Star Wars? My mom saw the originals in theaters. I watched those until the prequels came out and then I saw them in theaters. It was a family thing.

12. Most memorable Star Wars moment? Leia choking Jabba. It’s one of my first actual memories as a human being. It’s also one of the reasons why I think I have such a strong *fight* mode.

13. Anakin Skywalker or Darth Vader? They are the same person, so both?. I could have a TED talk about this that I will not do here, but I prefer to see him happy and with Padme, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka. Vader always represented eternal numbness in a way. Like when you become so far gone in a depression that you don’t care about anything or anyone except whatever goal keeps you alive. In his case it was being fed to him by Palpatine.

14. Ben Solo or Kylo Ren? So, that TED talk I mentioned above also applies here.I wish I could have seen him happy for more than 30 seconds. Kylo always represented raw pain. Not controlled, not stable, just raw and searching for healing/an anchor.

15. OT, PT or ST? OT. It was the ST, but after the shitshow that was TROS I can’t even bear to watch the other two movies.

16. TLJ or ESB? TLJ. Although I love both, TLJ was leading us on that path of balance. Reylo happened. The message of the force belongs to everyone, and you don’t need to come from a special bloodline to be someone. I love that Rey stuck to her values and realized that Ben’s alignment decision was 1. on him and 2. harder than she originally thought. Dj was a great character. There’s much more than this too. Though I’m still salty that we could have had a different scene with Phasma that could have set Finn up to lead a rebellion of Stormtroopers.

17. ROTS or ANH? Tough. ROTS. It’s heartbreaking, but vital to the story. Plus, if you watch TCW it makes it 10000 times more emotional. This upcoming season is going to be the death of me.

18. ROTJ or TFA? Had this question been asked a year ago I would have said TFA hands down. However, knowing what I know now. ROTJ. It was melancholy laced with hope. There was healing and sacrifice. There was purpose. 19. TPM or TROS? TPM. For the pure fact that it introduced me to two of my favorite characters of all time. Padme Amidala and Maul.

20. Rogue One or Solo? Oh god. I love these both for very different reasons. Rogue One.

21. Favourite quote? Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That’s the only way to become who you were meant to be. Without getting too deep into my own issues, lets just say it’s sorta become a mantra to help me move past my trauma.

22. Favourite meme?

23. Favourite gif?

24. If you could change one thing about the Skywalker Saga what would it be? I’m REALLY torn between Ben Solo living and Rey not being a Palpatine. I’m going to go with Ben living.

25. Top 3 Star Wars movies? In no particular order 1. ROTJ 2. TLJ 3. Rogue One

#reylo #about me

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devillainsarchive · 5 years

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🐾 headcanon;

notes on d3 scenes ( fyi these are gonna be all over the place, and applicable to my canon divergence which is here so keep in mind the things i change from canon completely like the traditional VK day are not mentioned here )

The Bridge scene with Hades

Carlos, Ben, and Jay all get hit by Hades’ ember directly. While Jay I typically headcanoning has some latent magic cause of Jafar, and Ben does as well, with the whole beast thing, Carlos is 100% human who is only effected by magic when it affects him direction. See how he doesn’t really react to the barrier or to anything else that is magic, he does not view it the same as magical beings.

So Carlos is hit by this blast individually just like Ben, and Jay get individual blasts. If I am thinking correctly He not only takes the longest to get up, but he also is holding his chest until Evie asks him if he is alright. Which he says he is fine. He isn’t, and he is dealing with this injury the rest of the movie. But like any Isle kid you’d never know it. His ribs are either broken or bruised, and its a feeling he knows all to well. It also doesn’t help him with his fear of Hades, the first fear coming from Cerberus--- three headed dog, no thank you he is just getting comfy with small dogs.

The bridge scene with the Sea 3

The bridge scene is the first time we see Carlos interact with the Sea 3 beyond his small distraction fight with Gil in D2. Carlos used to run with this guys when he was a kid. They taught him to swim and sword fight. When Harry hits him away and gets physical it not only brings to light a beef that they don’t talk about briefly. But it also hurts. Out of all of the Core 4, Carlos is the least problematic so to hit him it hurts, and it affects how Carlos and Harry interact the rest of the movie because Carlos wants an apology at least for being hit, because their unspoken beef is unspoken for a reason.

Evie’s cottage and Jane’s Birthday

The boys live with Evie partially during the summer, originally the plan is for the whole summer but that changes after Jane’s birthday.

Carlos helped plan Jane’s birthday, he sent out invitations so he knows Audrey got one. Additionally, he baked the cake for it. He remembers the date. He founds out later that she questions him, and he wont lie it does hurt a bit and this is what leads to the beginning of them breaking up.

Carlos’ gift to Jane is actually a scrap metal bow that he made himself, and not the necklace. He gives it to her more or less as like a final plea, but at this point while not officially broken up it is definitely something that is more a friend thing. And they are very good friends.

Night Falls

Its not a dance, it is actual sword fighting. This goes with @chrmiing‘s divergence as well as mine. Audrey lets Chad control the knights, and Carlos recognizes the style of fighting so he is more prepared for it because he fights against in ROAR all the time.

The forest with Ben

Carlos is terrified. Ben is a beast, a big dog if you will. I would like to remind everyone that in the first film, Carlos literally jumps into Jay’s arms at the site of a statue of a beast. This is the real deal.

He is a bit miffed at Jay for volunteering him to help Ben. Because he is one breath away from a panic attack about the whole thing. He is terrified even after he pulls the splinter out.

He and Ben have a bit of a discussion after Jane water canon’s him. Mostly about the good boy comment, as well as just how everything went down, and how far Carlos has come, mushy stuff.

The Lie and being turned to stone

Carlos respects Mal as a leader, he has always held respect for her. He is really upset and hurt by the lie. He doesn’t like being lied to. However he does want to try to see Mal’s reasoning. But he doesn’t fully forgive her for a while. He is hurt, he puts so much faith and loyalty in her, that it is a huge betrayal to him. He has given so much to her, and risked alot for her. So it hurts. But he also likely is one of the first, if not the first to probably come around and talk to her again.

Being turned to stone is petrifying ( no pun intended ) for him. Carlos is already claustrophobic, and I head canon that he cannot see, or hear anything, or feel anything but the pressing stone. He does not handle it well. He hopes its not real. He panics when he is no longer stone, and spends a while just making sure that he can see, and hear, and feel things again. He was terrified.

The barrier coming down

In every book, and in every movie up until D3, Carlos is terrified of his mother in a way that is more than just a play for jokes like we see at the end of D3. In book book four he literally wakes up screaming from nightmares of his mother, in book 1 he admits his mother doesn’t love him and it is insinuated he was treated like a dog for years. In book 2 he is terrified about facing his mother and finding her talisman, in D1 he is literally running from his mother to get into the limo, additionally the only reason he agrees to be good at coronation is because Ben promises their parents can’t reach them in Auradon. You really think this boy is just hunky dory with seeing his mom again? No.

Carlos is literally terrified, he doesn’t want Dude, or Jane or anyone meeting his mom. He has a slight advantage in that she won leave without her coats, but she has a car. He encourages his friends to get out of their away from his parents. He also stays behind because knows running from his mother will do him no good. He encourages Dude to leave, in fact encourages Dude to go with GIl, and Jay. The thought of his mother coming back terrifies him because he is not so sure that he’ll be brave like he wants to be.

#d3 spoilers #tw: d3 spoilers #headcanon: he got her brain too

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writing-frenzy · 5 years

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Wuxia/Xianxia/Xuanhuan BL story ideas for anyone who wants them.

This is basically a dumping place for the said genres, because after reading so many, I just couldn’t help but think them up, even if I will never write them. But others might like them, so I thought why not? (though if anyone ever does write something, or has seen anything similar elsewhere, please tell me so I can read them.)

Warning: ideas got long, and some themes maybe sensitive: ie: Violence, Murder, Child abandonment, fighting, torture all that good stuff you find in these genres

First Idea: the things a Good Teacher can alter

So, basically, MC was a guy from our world, who ended up dying and being reborn into another one... centuries before a certain book he read even takes place. Needless to say, he doesn’t remember it. (after all, one can only read about so many stallion protags and their harem fun times before they all kind of bleed together into one mash up.)

But on the other hand, being able to literally do magic and all is still very much a thing he would like, so why the hell not become a cultivator? So he joins a sect, manages to pass it’s entrance trial by the grit of his teeth and becomes an outer disciple of one of the Peak Lords, learning all he needs to from his senior brothers and sisters. Everything should be great, right?

Well, here is the thing: it is hard as heck; Turns out, he has a constitution that makes cultivating near impossible for him. Getting out of the first stages of Qi Refining and forming his Golden Core took forever it seems, and when he finally made it to the Immortal stage, he feels as if he had been run over by a bus after he was rung out of all his energy. it’s like whatever a normal person has to do to make it, it takes him not two, not even three, but a hundred times more to accomplish. But hey, he has a thirty-ish young body for all the years he’s really been alive and he still has magic, so it could have been worst.

(though if one wants to give him a golden finger of sorts; he has an absolutely insane pain tolerance :D things that would cause even the most mighty of Martial Heros to fall would be like, ‘huh, is something poking me?’. or chronic pain is also a thing if you want to be mean :) )

Only... Now that he has time for the actual world, he notices how his Sect’s state of affairs seem to be on the decline, with less and less people there now, most of them moving on to bigger and better things, bigger and better Sects and Clans. How the politics in his own Sect seem to be going to bigger and higher stakes, and how disagreements and feuds even end up almost destroying everything, a few Peak lords even dying from it.

These reasons all combined end up making MC one of the very few Immortals Golden Core Cultivators in the sect. It is because of this, that he ends up becoming a Peak Lord.

And Irony of Ironies, he is actually pretty damn good at it. (My idea is that in a previous life, MC was a Teacher or an Office worker, or maybe even both.)

Now, MC does not have want one would usually consider a golden finger, he is not the one who gets good things in life; in fact, he usually suffers and gets little to no reward from it... The same, on the other hand, can not be said for his disciples.

Disciple 1: ends up being the long lost son of an extremely wealthy family, who dies in the original novel for tragic backstory/emotional motive/character development for a novel character, only for MC to have saved them, then kept them because oh, high constitution for cultivation + bad idea for a grieving child this pretty to go to an orphanage. (glaring at them slavers out of the corners of his eye)

MC: Hey, I know it sucks what just happened, take as long as you need to recover. and hey, if you feel up to it, after you decide what to do, you can even join my sect and learn cool things.

D1: *sees things he can learn* ... I will never be so helpless again.

*Years later*

Wandering Clan: Young Master! You are well and alive! and they have been treating you well, even letting you learn Cultivation? Truly a noble sect, worthy of our loyalty!

MC’s Sect: + 1 business division, + a bunch to treasury

Disciple 2: Sibling to one of the Harem members, had thought she had been left for dead/slavers in the original novel by their sister and had been a tough, regularly appearing villain for a while until the protag has her see the error of her ways and became a harem member as well. Only once more, does MC save her from her situation, ending up getting him her gratitude and has her actually look really close at her situation and helps her look into the mystery of it all even as he takes her as his student.

MC: yeah, I’m only hearing about this second hand, and even I can see the holes in the story couldn’t even cover a hobo’s modesty. There is obviously more to this tale then meets the eye.

D2: ... *sparkles as she learns more on how to be a detective, Cultivation style*

*Years later*

Big Name Clan head: Ah, once again you have solved such a terrible crime and even this time shown how I have been framed! Truly a noble lady such as yourself have wishes? Please let me reward you!

MC’s Sect: + 1 Big Backer, + 1 to fame + a bunch more disciples for other Peaks

Disciple 3: the actual main villain of the series, he joins his sect when, during a night hunt, one of the Sect’s Elders watches him actually manage to kill the monster due to luck and a bit of skill; unfortunately he has some sort of dark inheritance + abusive teachers and fellow students in his sect who made him disillusioned with the lighter path and chased him into darkness... only here, MC strikes again, with him finding this poor abandoned child first, saving them from getting injured and taking them home to be well cared for and properly coached through the troubles of life.

MC: Crap, damn it, oh fuck that is more blood spilling then I am comfortable with, hang on little guy I will have this treated soon.

D3:... No one has ever cared for me so much. *Childish hero worship + instant loyalty.*

*Years Later*

Fangirls and boys: AHHHH D3 is just so cool, he is so awesome, so handsome!

MC’s Sect: +1 for fame, plus a bunch of more disciples for the sect.

Disciple 4: Female Canon Fodder, originally in the novel to act parallel to the Female Lead and make her look one hundred times better in comparison in looks, personality and even morals. But here is still insecure teenage girl who, before she could be blacken and disillusioned, wants more in her life then to be an ornamental vase for a future wealthy husband, finds out that MC’s Sect not only takes women, but also actually trains them in ways of Martial arts/Cultivation/Pill Refining/Whatever? (Sign her the fuck up.)

MC: oh, you want to learn? Sure, let’s start. *is a great teacher who actually teaches equally*

D4: *is a wide-eyed sponge* I will follow.

*Years Later*

D4′s Clan: Ah, yes, that great girl is indeed a daughter of our clan, bringing glory and honor to our names, with men lining up only in hopes she will but glance at them.

MC’s Sect: + a Big Backer, + Fame, + more followers

Disciple 5: The Hidden Boss; the illegitimate son of a family (from wife or husband, whichever you desire), was outcast from them all without ever knowing why, not even allowed to learn his family’s martial arts and abilities even though he was incredibly talented and skilled at everything else he learned. In the original novel, he at first seemed like a helpful NPC family member of Protag/Harem member who would explain or even help the Protag and his harem, them all unknowing that he was in fact causing 30% of their problems. But here, MC notices Hidden Boss’s potential, sees how these people just seem to be wasting talent and goes;

MC: Hey, I can take him in!

Those who actually care about the kid: *sees all his other ducklings and the good rumors of his teachings.* sure, better with you then here.

Those who don’t care about the kid. *Sees the funny, ‘weak’ Peak Lord of a dying sect who is pretty far away from them* sure, as long as he’s not here.

*Year’s Later:

D5: *very successful, powerful, strong, and wealthy* Hello.

D5′s Clan: *sweats*

MC’s Sect: + 1 Fame, + Money, + Honor, + a whole bunch more.

Disciple 6: Female character who was basically created solely for the need to give the Protag character, emotional, and background development in the story, and then die in the most fan pissing off way imaginable. yeah, you know what I’m talking about, a girl giving only one dimension to her structure, who has a profound effect on the main character for how little time they were together, and then just killed off before we even get the chance to even learn more! Only here, instead of staying wherever she was before, she either gets picked up by MC early on on one of his recruitment drives or hears of the sect’s growing fame and awesome female disciples and decides she wants more (like she deserves)

MC: oh, you’re pretty good at that! I can see real talent for you here; would you like to learn more?

D6: Yes please! ^_^

*Years Later*

D6: *A Noble Empress, eyes cutting just like her sword arts, her elemental affinity working in twine with it as she delivers a finishing blow to her monsterous foe* Huh, I’m pretty sure these are some prime ingredients for Cultivation, I must be careful to preserve and dismantle effectively!

MC’s Sect: + Fame, + Fortune, + a crap ton of good things.

Whatever order you want them to come in, it’s up to you, just have fun with it.

But yeah, these are not the only changes from the original novel; for example, MC’s sect should have been destroyed/abandoned/deserted, only a footnote because of some obscure fact that needed to be know. (example: This monster is so terrible, it destroyed three sects! or MC’s Sect is the only one who knew of a technique to cure this poison; either find a survivor/search the ruins) Only for luck, the MC, and his lucky students to have saved it all in the end.

Note: To makes things more interesting, I think it would be funny if there were more Reincarnations/Transmigrators closer to the story line, but in shock of the differences to add to the comedy value.

Idea Two: The System messed up, like a boss!

Now, how this idea starts out is a bit different: it’s just a bit before the MC dies, showing that they have been a normal guy before they had found themselves held captive by some obsessed stalker/killer for a long time, who has made it to where if they MC ever tried to harm them in any way or form, it would just end up guaranteeing his own death.

And after enduring this literal hell for what feels like years now, here are MC’s thoughts on the matter.

MC: Okay then. *proceeds to rip his tormentor's own throat out with his teeth*

(Now, it is up to the writer if they want to hide this dark history or not, maybe hinting here and there about it.)

Cue them suddenly being connected to the system!

MC: ... what?

System: Hiiii~ I’m-

ERROR!

*Suddenly cut off, MC goes through one hell of a disorienting experience, only to wake up in some child’s body.

MC: What

Child’s Soul that still barely remains in the body: Please, I just want to see what’s beyond these walls, just once.

*sudden mindwammy of memories of the slavery this child has gone through, the torture from their masters, the cruelty of bystanders that just stand by.*

What the child’s words in a way mean: (I want to see one good thing, just one about this world, before I die.)

MC:... Okay then. *proceeds to rip out their current body’s Master’s throat, due to surprise, his soul not be the one that is enslaved, and a strange sort of energy*

(And maybe here it could be hinted about what happened if one wants to hide the MC’s past, about how this wasn’t the first time he’s tasted blood on his teeth or ripped out a person’s throat.)

This in the end erases the remaining slave binds on him, and makes it easy to escape the mansion he is being held in. Even better, it seems the place is also being raided by some group, so it’s even easier for MC to be lost in the confusion. When he is finally far enough away, when the distance finally feels just enough, the MC lets himself fall to the ground, right next to a shrub of some sorts before he finally takes a breath and fully taking in his surroundings.

Only to lose it as he finally takes in the scenery: a pretty jade like valley of some sorts, soft hills of green turned darker and yet still shining in the moonlight from a full moon and the stars all around them. You know those pictures of places with no light pollution on islands and such? This is what he see in this moment.

And both souls are in complete awe of it.

Child Soul: so beautiful... I never knew it (the world) could be so beautiful.

MC: I forgot it could be.

Child Soul: ... Thank you! Thank you so much! *smiles and passes on to bigger and better things.

It is after this bit of peace and quiet, that finally the system comes back.

System: Ah, sorry, technical difficulties, did not expect that; Anyways, I am the System, to help you in your role for your next life!

MC: ...Role?

System: Yes! You are the “Villainous Boss’ of -insert story name here-! I am the ‘Like a Boss’ System, ensuring one will act as a truly terrifying villain!

MC: *thinking* You said the VB of that story, aren’t they -insert villian’s name-?

System: Yes!

MC: The young Master who fell from the mountains and ended up following dark paths and murky unknowns?

System: Yes.

MC: the Villain who was dark haired and eyed, who’s skin was pale as jade was said to be, and could make man and woman go mad over his charm?

System:... Yes?

MC:... I think there has been a mistake.

1:Considering that this was a child who was sold into slavery very young, to a point they don’t even know about parents, has dealt with the hell that is slavery to cruel masters, and would have in fact died just now if MC didn’t make a way through. {2} actually does have a name, and isn’t the same at all as the Villain. {3} the Body does not in anyway have dark hair or eyes, and the skin is not pale as jade (not to mention charm, unless someone is weak for poor orphaned waifs).

Yeah, a mistake has been made.

System: ah.... oh dear; maybe you do a switch a roo?

only, turns out that they find that would be impossible as well, because not only are they way before the story line even starts, MC’s constitution is very... Strange. (Basically, because MC could be classified as a Vengeful spirit, if only for the way he died, but due to him already getting said revenge, and even helping another soul pass on to the pure lands, he has a very high, very good constitution for Cultivation... both righteous and demonic. and his body needs to maintain an about equal level between the both of them, otherwise it gets out of wack and could cause most painful death.)

So, MC has to maintain tasks from the system, acting like a boss, and do certain things (like joining certain sects, to betraying a comrade, to even slaughtering a group of people sadistically ); luckily, he doesn’t actually have to be a villain, but he does have to act like it, which gives ideas.

MC: Okay, I will be the red herring Villain! The, it’s so obvious it just can’t be them kind of guy!

System: DX ... why not, it might work.

And hilariously enough, it does :D I imagine MC would act like a combination between Ichimaru Gin from Bleach and Murkuro from KHR, clever, twisting, manipulative, and yet surprisingly playful and cruel when one least expects it. (that he has loyal fanatical followers with yandere tendencies goes without saying, though he has no idea; He has high intelligence, can understand emotions and motives, but does at times not realize just how much people have actually bonded with him himself.)

Examples of his relationships.

Twins he found: the famous mirrored twins, one going down the path of darkness and cruelty, even as one heads for the path of good and light; maybe in the original story they had been separated, or a distance was placed between them due to misunderstandings and jealousy. MC had gotten a get one and get the other free tag a longs, finding them when they were young and hadn’t yet joined a sect, only ending up bonding with them. Though he is admittedly worried about betrayal and being put down from them in the future, he still bonds and helps them as much as he can.

Though-

Twin 1: MC! MC! I’ve gotten even better in my Demonic cultivation!

Twin 2: shhhh, not so loud! But anyways, I have gone even farther levels in my out Righteous Cultivation.

MC: ... That’s nice?

They are like his most trusted advisors/Inner circle members (of course he would have one, any good villian would :D ) completely willing to do what must be done for their brother in arms and most trusted friend. (the one who had been there for them at their lowest, the one who was able to keep them all together, sacrificing what he needed, adding so many scars to his one body just to spare them. They are the ones who best know about the man he is, for they were the ones who saw how he was forged, turning his words, his looks, and even his smiles into the terrifying weapons they are today. He is the one who showed them you can be bathed in darkness and still be ever so good, something they will help with as much as they can.

His First Disciple: Now, MC does take his teaching duties seriously, whether he is an elder in the sect or even a peak lord (though I would think it would be awesome if he was a Librarian), so he would be very attentive with his pupil, even if he teases and gently picks on them, messing with them as they grow older. MC originally took this kid because he remembers them from the novel as the one who helps the protagonist, who was thought to be an enemy only to be the secret ally. So he is pretty sure the kid will betray him eventually, especially since he let’s them in on all his shady practices and dealings with demonic cultivatior and/or actually demon folk. And with them being a complete Kuudere, it seems that way..

Only...

1st D: I will follow my Master to the end of my days. and if my death could be of service to him, I will have died with a light heart.

MC: wtf no! No dying for me!

The kid turns completely and utterly into his proud minion, happily doing what ever his dear Master asks of him. (after all, who was it that pulled him from the darkness, who showed him such care and attention, always there with a kind word and a joke whenever he was troubled? There was no one but him who wanted him, not during these long years, only for him to be pick specifically? ha, he will follow all his days, just as long as he can remain at his side.)

Very powerful Demon Lord (not king): Someone MC met while still young and unattached to a sect thought; hey, let’s get my consorting with darkness task down! After all, this guy was a well known villain in the series, a troublemaker through and through, who betrayed and sacrificed his minions and others like pawns. Once again, MC thinks he’s going to get betrayed eventually, but hey, the guy ain’t all bad and he’s pretty friendly even! though...

Demon Lord that is in fact in control of a very terrifying and large territory: Sir, would you like me to take your coat? maybe even a drink? *orders a very expensive and luxury wine.*

MC: *eyes him suspiciously, but nods* I am willing.

why they insist on waiting hand and foot on him always weirds them out. (For the Half-demon, half-human, it only makes sense; this person is their benefactor, so overwhelmingly powerful, just being near them strengths them, who he has picked him up even while he was a weakling and saw promise, made a gamble on that promise and even to this day still profits. Who is honestly even more terrifying then the demon King in DL’s eyes, and desires to please him all the more, so that he too can always serve this higher life form in his eyes.)

And these are just some examples, mostly all of them would probably be the inner circle I said he had XD

But wait, you might ask; what about those tasks you mentioned, how could betraying a comrade or slaughtering a group of people sadistically be good? here we go :D

betraying a comrade:

MC: okay, so, this guy is embezzling funds, this asshole is abusing his students, and this.. one...

System: ...?

MC:... “This one is raping their own Disciples, huh?” is said ever so softly, their eyes half-lidded even as they stare at the profile picture of the filth. “When they go on their next mission, make sure I am one of their backups, hmmm? I haven’t had the chance to push anyone off a cliff yet, have I?”

Answer: In a big sect, everyone should be your comrade; that you are betraying their expectations, their values, or even ratting them out all make it up. (and cold-hearted murder always works for the scum of the earth too!)

slaughtering a group of people sadistically:

System: so, we have a group of Demonic cultivators consorting with slave dealers, we have some criminals over here doing despicable things there, and we have traitors over here, what do you want to do?

MC: how about all of them?

Answer: what about those no one would miss :D

Notes: I would find it so funny if the MC was actually an animal magnet; like, birds will happily eat from his hand, deer will sleep right next to him, guardian beasts will want to protect him and keep him safe because god damn it, hasn’t this poor soul been through enough?! (be cool if this was one of the reasons why the sect leader actually trusts him; he has a bond with a guardian beast that can maybe read the soul or something, which MC has no clue about, so thinks nothing about how this beast keeps wanting to cuddle him.

but you want to know what? Out of everything, with all the the MC is doing? All they truly want in life is peace and rest, maybe even a shoulder to rest his weary head upon when life gets to much. (but thanks to the system and it’s tasks, he will never be able to truly have it.)

huh, this got pretty long.... eh, I had more ideas, but I think I’ll leave it here for now. If anyone wants more Wuxia/Xianxia/Xuanhuan , I might make a part two!

#Wuxia #Xianxia #Xuanhuan #story ideas #fantasy #I thought these were cool

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lostsolsdestinyblog · 6 years

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The Destiny Pendulum: One player’s experiences with investment and what it means to be a Destiny player.

Destiny is a pendulum. Over the course of 4 years the needle of that pendulum has swung back and forth across the level of investment necessary to fully experience the game; from vanilla D1 and forever 29 thru vanilla D2 and everything being accessible right out of the gate thru today.

Much like the game itself, the way in which I experience Destiny as a player has also gone through its own swing from solo to full fireteam and back to mostly solo. What hasn't changed over the last 4 years is that Destiny in all its forms has still had a great experience to offer. The demographics of whom it was best for has shifted over those 4 years, but regardless of where it was I have played the hell out of the game and seen where it succeeds and where it has missed the mark.

Forsaken is the best Destiny has ever been in many ways. The amount and quality of the content is incredible. The Tangled Shore is one of the best destinations Bungie have ever made and it is largely an afterthought a week or two into Forsaken, that's how good the rest of the expansion is. The story, the classes, the abilities, the supers, the sandbox balance, the Dreaming City and its evolution... all of it is fantastic, but how we experience and play the game has changed dramatically from where D2 launched and the pendulum is back where D1 began.

When I started D1, I played a Hunter and that was my class. A couple of months in I decided to try a Titan and then that was my class through TDB and into TTK. It wasn't until 7 months into TTK that I started playing a Hunter again and really started playing a Warlock too. There were quite a few reasons for this. I met a group of people that I became friends with and started raiding with them every week. Destiny also started moving away from being quite as grind intensive and made upgrading and leveling much less punishing, and then as TTK progressed we started getting into the long droughts between new content drops and so playing the game on all 3 characters kept it fresh and interesting as I would go through phases of really getting into a particular class and subclass and heavily playing it for a month or two before switching to another.

Over the course of D1 the game became very accessible and player friendly for those who weren't able to play every day or live and breathe the game, but D1 had other problems and they were issues that couldn't be fixed without starting over. By the end of year 3 the sandbox and balance were in a constant state of things moving backwards. The overall design of the original weapon systems was such that there wasn't really any ceiling to build to and any changes to one aspect of balance broke things for something else. The other major issue was delivering content.

We will never know what the original plans for the game were and how it was envisioned to play out, but we do know that the original vision wasn't what Bungie had hoped and we have seen since September 2014 that Destiny has been as much of a learning experience for the developers as to what it is and should be, as it's been for us.

There was a lot of salt on the forums for 3 years of D1 over many things, but by the end of year 3 the focus of player ire was generally weapon/class balance, connectivity and content droughts. With D2, Bungie tried very hard to fix those things.

Weapon and class balance saw static rolls, a reworked weapon system that put the focus on primary play, reworked supers to where everyone had versions of roaming supers, neutered grenades and melee, and ultimately classes that all played similarly and didn't have any real strengths over other classes in any area.

Connectivity was addressed through lowering team sizes in PvP and moving to playlists to not fracture the player base as much, as well as upgrading the infrastructure of how we connect to the game and each other.

Content droughts were addressed by changes to factions and the addition of Faction Rallies to go along with Iron Banner to give players a couple events each month to log in and play for a week between DLC releases.

Every change to D2 was a reaction to the player experience in D1 and what Bungie got from our feedback as to what mattered most to us; and people may forget that although there was backlash after the beta, the first month of D2 was widely hailed as a huge success. Then things went off the rails.

Faction Rallies, Iron Banner and the token system didn't work how Bungie had hoped and a year later are still works in progress. The things that Bungie got from feedback that players wanted most out of the PvP experience... 1:1 balance and a focus on connection turned out to not really be what players wanted, including the players who had railed on forums and in videos for those things in D1.

Then Bungie started to lose the big name content creators who play for a living and who had suddenly found that they didn't have the endless grind for new things to play on stream or a sandbox that let them stream or make montage videos of their sick individual Crucible skills. But for all the negativity and hate, there were a lot of players who never left as well as a lot who only left because the game allowed them to. It allowed players to put down Destiny for a month or two if they wanted and to play other games and do other things, while still being able to jump back in whenever they wanted without missing a beat.

Year one of D2 was never a bad game and it was never a dead game. I had more awesome weapons and armor sets that I actually loved than I ever had in 3 years of D1. I played all 3 of my characters extensively. My friends and I still ran the raids and the game still kept us interested and invested, but we did other things as well. The game wasn't perfect and there were a lot of things that needed to be better, but the developers were quick to react to our concerns and begin to address them.

4v4 was a mistake that had a huge impact on groups like ours that had been able to go from raids to other content together in D1. With the way teams were fractured off in D2, it made keeping a 6 player group together a difficult thing as players were always being left out to do anything else.

The weapon and classes while incredible balanced, led to very passive play and the rise of team-shooting.

The lack of any control over what game modes we played in PvP forced us to have to play things we didn't like to maybe get a game or two of something we did enjoy.

The story and lore weren't deep enough and lost the dark tone that had drawn in players with the d1 Grimiore, Book of Sorrows, etc.

There weren't enough new drops or deep grinds to keep the hardcore-grind players invested and the constant stream of content and things to do (Faction Rallies, IB, The Dawning, etc) didn’t pan out the way Bungie had envisioned.

There have certainly been things worthy of criticism along the way with Destiny and there will always be ways it can be better because making games is hard. Making a game with the depth and scope of PvP and PvE in a seamlessly matchmade, online, persistent experience like Destiny… that is real challenge.

So here we are in Forsaken and it is a beautiful game and it is all the things I said to open this talk, but it is also back to vanilla D1 levels of grind and investment needed to play and enjoy the game; and I understand why we are here and why it has released so far skewed to that end of the spectrum, but I think the game would benefit from dialing things down just a little bit.

I played 2147 hours and 7 minutes of D1. That is top 6%. I played 895 hours on my Titan, 532 on my Hunter and 479 on my Warlock. I had 239 hours on deleted characters.

I’ve played 1001 hours and 42 minutes in D2, 150 of which have been since Forsaken released. That is top 3%. I’ve played 241 hours on my Titan, 241 hours on my Hunter and 311 on my warlock. I have 207 hours on deleted characters.

I play and have played a lot of Destiny. I’ve played way more D2 to this point than I had D1 and for the last 3 years I’ve played each of my characters pretty damn evenly. I don’t know if that will continue.

As a player who has been this invested, who has played alone and with friends, who has raided constantly for 3 years and who plays each character regularly, I’ve found that I’ve hit a wall with Forsaken and I cannot continue to play this expansion as I have played Destiny since TTK. I took off work launch day and played the hell out of all 3 characters trying to push as much as I could for the raid that our team all took off to run on its release day. Despite the insane hours I put in those first 10 days, I (and most of the players who played that day) didn’t come close to being ready.

I spent the following couple of weeks running every single thing I could for powerful engrams on all 3 characters and, even playing every day and as much as I could when home and awake, it was a struggle to get it all done. It was still fun and I felt I was making progress each week, but a month in things have changed. Grind is great. Chase is great. A game that we don’t experience all in a week and have to be in for the long haul is great, but when I’ve logged in for the last week, I’ve felt like the Dunkin Donuts dude from the old commercials.

“Time to make the donuts”

Only It’s time to go run another 15 tier 2 Blind Wells, then time to run another 3 ascendant challenges, then time to run another 24 Dreaming City bounties, then time to run another 15 Crucible matches, then time to run another 9 gambit matches, then time to run another 9 strikes, then time to run another 9 story missions, and oh crap, what is the flashpoint? Have to run that. I also need another 36 bounties for my Ikora rewards, and I have to do the clan bounties because whatever progress I have won’t roll over and I’ll have to start back at zero next week if I don’t get to 100%, and I have these exotic bounties I should do, and isn’t the Malfaesance boss spawning now? And It would be great to get into the raid some more and I should try to do the Shattered Throne… and you get where I’m going with it. There’s a hell of a lot to do, but THERE IS A HELL OF A LOT TO DO.

And all of that is great and it is good for the game and the overall health of the franchise, but then on top of that we need to have meaningful choices for infusion and have to farm and grind materials just to use some of the things that drop for us?

I’m sitting at a high Power Level of 565 on my Titan. I’m at 150 hours a month in and I’m not wearing any gear I want to. I’m struggling to be able to use the weapons I want to. I can’t use shaders or mods because I don’t feel like constantly reapplying them to whatever the next armor piece I have to wear is. I’ve run the raid 3 times and I’ve not once gotten to play it how I want using the weapons and gear I want and I’ve come to the realization that to continue on in Forsaken I may need to go back to how I originally played D1 and pick one character and focus on that because playing all 3 is burning me out.

I’m on a pace so far in Forsaken to play 1800 hours this year and that is not sustainable for me, but maybe Destiny just isn’t a game for the type of player I have been anymore. That isn’t to say it is a bad thing because I know many like these changes and as I’ve said, overall I think most of the changes are for the betterment of the game and so again maybe it’s on me to re-evaluate how I approach the game and maybe it will all be better in the long run, but I think that very much depends on where the game goes from here.

If we get to the next DLC and we continue to play with the things we are building up to and collecting now and we reach a point where we’re all playing maxed characters and can go back and start focusing on another character because there isn’t another steep climb, maybe it will be okay. But I’ve already seen Gothalion pushing for this level of grind and investment in each of the DLCs and if that is the case, I honestly don’t know how much further I’ll make it as an everyday player.

Destiny as a hobby is awesome. Destiny as a job is not, and a month in and still looking at a ways to go before I can rally experience the game how I want, it is beginning to feel more and more like a job. We have so many things to keep us invested and to do to level and to grind for. There are all the things I wrote out 4 paragraphs above as well as a world that keeps evolving and adding new things to do and experience, and there are random rolls on weapons and armor to chase and rare exotics… and somehow all that isn’t enough and we have people who play for a living telling us and Bungie that we also need to work our asses off just to use our gear; and if we want to play Gambit or Iron Banner and not be at a huge disadvantage, we need to keep pushing our levels up because removing SBMM, lowering kill times, making everything more lethal and building in more skill gaps wasn’t enough for the elite PvP players and streamers, they need power advantages the first 2- 3 months into the expansion as well.

So where I am now is it is Wednesday and for the first time since Forsaken dropped I didn’t run anything to try to level up yesterday after reset. I ran 2 public events on my Titan and I logged out and watched Lost. Last week I did the Dreaming City (minus Shattered Throne) on all 3 characters and helped a couple friends do their Blind Wells after I’d finished mine. I did enough to get another 6-7 powerful engrams on my Warlock, but none of them were higher level than what was already in the slots they dropped for, so at this point I think I will focus my Titan this week and see where I get and maybe do some DC on the other two this weekend or Monday.

I don’t think the progression system is bad. I don’t think the long term investment approach is bad. I have been asked why I feel the journey should be over sooner and that isn’t my point of any of this feedback. I may need to adjust how I play and look at the game differently and that is something I am willing to do, but regardless of whether I go forward focusing a single character instead of playing all three or not, I believe there are some changes that would make Destiny a better game for everyone without sacrificing anything for the heavy grinders or players who play for a living.

1) Drop the “infusion should matter” approach. Infusion cost and “meaningful infusion” have zero effect on progression. The only thing they do is prevent players from using the things they want and again, what is the point of playing to get things that we can’t use? I don’t need to use weapons and gear I hate to appreciate the things I like. I’ve played 3149 hours of Destiny. I know what I like and what I don’t and I want to play the game with things that are fun and that I love, not with things I hate for a chance to maybe play how I want in the future. The only players that benefit from creating a bottleneck on gear choices is the players who can no-life the game and have more advantages over others based solely on how much they can play and not in what they have earned playing.

2) If there will not be huge leveling experiences at each successive point in Forsaken going forward, I think the overall 215 level grind and pacing is okay and I think for the most part very well done. I have friends who have limited playtime and only play one character who are at the same power level as I’ve gotten to grinding all 3. There doesn’t really seem to be the pronounced slingshot effect of leveling all 3 that existed in each previous versions of the game. That said, if each DLC is going to push our max power level significantly higher and put us back into a deep grind to level cap, I believe that the time it takes to reach the cap playing at average player’s playtimes should be significantly lowered. I’m still probably 3-4 weeks from level cap. If we’re talking November until I can really play with and use the things I want and start to get into mods and setting up gear sets with optimal perks… that is just too long for the brief time I’ll get to play how I want before going back into another deep dive. I think the sweet spot should be a month for the average player to hit cap if this grind will be repeated. To that end I would love to hear what the plans are for the future of Forsaken and our Power journey.

3) Power mattering in PvP isn’t fun and should be removed. The only thing it’s good for is one more way for the players with the most time to punish those without. It also does not jibe with the philosophy of taking our time to enjoy the journey as it is another thing that really pushes us to need to be higher levels.

4) Revamp how legendary and powerful engrams work. Currently regular legendary engrams essentially became blues once we hit 500 as far as power progression was concerned. Then once we got to about 520 or so, most powerful engrams essentially became the old regular legendaries.

Currently we have 3 consistent ways to get actual powerful drops without raiding: completing the 2 weekly Dreaming City bounties for overall weekly Petra challenge, the weekly DC bounty for completing 8 daily bounties, and Prime engrams. The rest of the powerful rewards only drop one power level above our max character power level and so are very often at or below the item already in the spot they drop in.

We have a ton of things to do to get powerful rewards, but it is so disheartening when you run 5, 6, 7 dailies or weeklies in a row and spend an entire day or two playing and not a single powerful reward is an up. If we get a slot or 2 that are anchoring our overall power progression and they won’t drop, it feels like each thing we do for a powerful reward is time wasted until the thing we need drops. To this end I think the regular legendary drops should have a chance to drop within 5 of our character power level. It doesn’t have to be a high percentage chance, but would allow us more chances to raise those anchor spots and not waste so many powerful drops when we get a bad run of RNG. I also think there should be some changes to the way powerful engrams work. I think that having them drop one power level above our character level is fine for the daily challenges, but the weeklies should be more rewarding and I wish would drop 3 above our character level. This would give more of them a chance to be an actual up for a spot without drastically decreasing our overall leveling time and it would make the weekly more worth the time investment. This would all also give us more freedom in how we approach leveling and allow us more time to play the things we want rather than what we currently have to, particularly when trying to play with friends because right now everyone is so focused on having to do all these different things and everyone are at different steps in the process. These changes would allow more freedom to help with things we may have already done or just spend time doing things like strikes or PvP with friends and still feel we’re able to get things that can potentially help if we have spots holding us back.

5) Rethink initial content release schedules, particularly for raids. If Destiny is now a journey to be experienced over time and not rushed through, it would be great if the content release schedule was in sync with that philosophy. I still don’t understand how the raid was released with almost the entire player population excluded from running it at launch and almost every secret has been discovered and the final boss 2 manned before most players have even set foot in the encounter. There was enough content at launch that the game would have kept players invested just fine a couple weeks longer and the raid could have dropped and been just as awesome while being accessible to a hell of a lot more players, and again like the current infusion setup and power mattering, it’s one more thing that just doesn’t fit with this new philosophy of not having to experience everything right now. This also would have given the Tangled Shore more time in the spotlight and we could have potentially just been getting ready to really get into the full wonder of the Dreaming City instead of sitting on our first reset there.

I’ve written a lot and some of this I’ve covered before and all of it is just one players experience and thoughts on the game, but one last thing I would like to say is that whatever decisions are made with the game going forward (and there is already a plan to address infusion in some form and we’ll see how that changes things), at the end of the day Bungie is listening to our feedback and the devs are doing everything they can to make this game the best it can be. They have and will continue to build on, refine and improve the experience and although I am hitting a wall with things right now personally, it doesn’t take away from what has been achieved with this expansion so far and if they do find it is a bit too far towards the grind end of the spectrum for a significant amount of the population, it’s something that can easily be adjusted. It’s better to have too much of a good thing than not enough and D2 Forsaken is a good thing.

#destiny 2 #destiny 2 forsaken #lost sols #Bungie

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uwannagamewithme-blog · 6 years

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Why do I get bored of certain games so quickly?

I’m not sure what causes this but certain BIG titles will get me so hyped up that I’ll save up to buy it on launch day (which is a big deal for me). I even take days off sometimes if I expect something to be really great, but without fail after playing for a few weeks or a month I’m tired of it. Doesn’t matter what it is or how badly I wanted to play it, I will drop it and return to my short play session favorites: Overwatch, Fortnite etc.

Take Destiny 2 for example. Excellent game centered almost entirely around grinding and loot collecting but nonetheless it’s definitely in the upper echelon of AAA shooters. I didn’t know one person who wasn’t playing D2 on launch day and in the months thereafter. Saw it on the front page of Twitch daily and everyone I followed in the games world did nothing but sing its praises. Until one day, suddenly, there was a significant drop in player numbers before the end of 2017. Just over 3 months after release. While it isn’t uncommon for this to happen because, you know... people got shit to do around the holidays and other games are being released at this time, it still is pretty shocking to see from one of the biggest multiplayer titles of the year. Multiplayer open world games like D2 are reliant on consistent content updates and events to keep the world and gameplay alive. Counter Strike does this, Overwatch does this as well as Fortnite and PUBG and those are just a few examples of games people are still playing years after their initial and look newer with each update and patch but personally every D2 update was just more grinding to similar weapons. I believe what plagues Destiny the most is the infrequent nature at which they drop new free content and the events to me are just more of the same. Same enemies and same loot drops. Also for a game with SO much grinding, why is the base game level cap only 20?

But thats multiplayer, what about single-player experiences? This is where it becomes both an industry issue and a personal issue. I love the feeling of having a new game to run around in and new worlds to explore. Coming home from a game shop and popping a new game into the ol’ PS4 still brings me the same amount of joy as it did when I was a child. But the longer I play this new game, the less new it becomes and my attention span dwindles before I just stop playing completely. Let me quickly list the games I played and enjoyed but never finished.

Horizon Zero Dawn, played the first 8 hours of the game at launch, loved it, haven’t touched it since.

Far Cry 5, played about 20 hours and cleared the first area, liked it well enough, most of the time I went fishing and flew planes. Currently have no desire to play it more.

Dark Souls 3, one of my favorites! Haven’t beat the final 3 bosses or played any DLC. Just recently started a character.

TES V SKYRIM, probably my favorite series to date and I never beat the game. I believe I have completed maybe 60% of quests and side quests but I keep starting new character files.

Surge. Played maybe an hour and a half, never beat the first boss. Thought it was fun and interesting. Goodbye Surge, sold the copy back didn’t I?

Nioh, again thought it was great, played 4 hours of it tops, sold it back.

Persona 5. Loved that one too, played the first story beat then someone told me how long the game was and the task was too daunting for me. Still own it and maybe I’ll finish it some day.

You get the idea. I seem to start a lot of games over again. Maybe I just love the beginnings of games. Character customization and all that. And there are other factors like work schedules and such that keep me from playing anything with heavy story elements or anything that is so immersive that it might swallow up my time. But also by the time I can get into a game truly, 3 more games I’ve been excited about will come out and my attention will be averted. Most of the games I play right now are just multiplayer/online only. With the exception of Stardew Valley. No Man’s Sky, WoW, Overwatch, Fortnite and I just started playing Counter Strike again (R.I.P.) These games are all constantly being worked on and the expansions and updates that keep them fresh are free, though they do contain some micro-transactions. Maybe my tastes are changing, maybe games are being released so rapidly that I can’t keep up so I stop trying to, maybe I just can’t keep myself entertained with how fast the games industry is growing. Anyways the Overwatch Summer Games patch came out today SEE YA!

#video games #god there are so many i haven't played #it makes me both extremely happy and stressed out #gaming #ps4 #pc #destiny 2 #overwatch #fortnite #accidentally dragging destiny 2 here but oh well

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2bstudioblog · 3 years

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Thoughts on Composer forums, no more negativity...

But before we begin, let’s make it a straight and clear... I don't want to out anybody, but I guess it isn't news because we are all aware that these community/forum problems/people exists, no matter the content or platform.

In the community of film-composers, game-music composers, Audio-directors, Sound-designers and perhaps music supervisors, the film-composer forum/community has been one of the first stepping stones to help and most of all build new relationships with people in the industry.

I’ve always had the image of this community to be about being equal, nobody was above or below, but talking to each other on the level. All that was required to enter was 1 IMDB credit (Internet Movie Data Base), get it verified and then you were in this very exclusive groups.

But so far, the idea was sound, we started to establish a group of a mix of westerners and Japanese composers, and the idea was to share ideas, help people who wants to break into the Japanese scene and the AAA-gaming industry. However, we only had a few meetups and 2 of them happened in a very interesting place in Korean Town in Tokyo. We ended up in the home of former On Tour QUEEN Keyboardist Morgan Fischer, who in turn was one of the first names I remember on an instruction manual for the Yamaha DX7. The first gathering brought about 7-8 members and we talked, showed each other what we do and then we enjoyed general talk, jamming and had a lot of fun. There I also ran into another young guy, who just scored an iPAD app. Let’s call him R2.

A few months later I was contacted by someone from the U.K community chapter, a young lad, with ideas on how things should be and he asked me if we should meet up and talk a little bit since he knew I’ve written music for Resident Evil 6 at this point, so I felt honored and thought let’s help each other out. Let’s call this guy D2.

D2 is now at first glance, I thought he was an OK guy, and I showed him around the city, we talked a little about ourselves and then I had to get back to my ordinary job as a teacher afterwards. He’s very focused on keeping up a fashion and to look cool... all the time. At this I didn’t really care, but I told him that if you want to have a chance at pitching to get into the industry, perhaps he should meet one of my agents. So I arranged that, brought him over to the agency, took about 1 hour, sitting down talking to one of the toughest and impressive women in the industry. She asked about his ambitions and why he was in Japan for a casual tourist visit and in the end the question came: - “What game would you like to write music for in the future?” -”Metal Gear...” was his answer.

He already told me before the meeting that he always wanted to work on a MGS project but I felt a little bit guilty but I told D2: -”I can’t guarantee anything about the chances of getting that kind of gig as a first from that agency. But they’ll try to find something up your alley.” The agent said that would be hard one to get him into because they only like to work with established artists on their MGS franchise, so getting it would seem to be impossible at this point, since we didn’t know that it was being developed at the moment, or so it had been in secret.

He returned back to Europe and I was on my own again. But we promised that we’d follow each other on the platforms and he said he’d try to promote me to get a few more followers on twitter (Duh, he didn’t, naive as usual.) and give a shout-out on his “incredible” YouTube channel devoted to his brand of a software/kontakt library creator. Nothing came to fruition on that front. I sure did give him a shout-out and told people about him, but I got nothing in return.

A few months later he returns and he decides to meet with me again, so I thought, what is it this time? Well, turns out he was back in Tokyo again for a business meeting or something, however he also met someone last time he was in Tokyo and decided to say hi to his girlfriend. So we all 3 went out to a cafe in Shinjuku area and we sat down and talked about film, games and music since we all were kinda in that industry. But since I know he is passionate about “EPIC” music as he would call it, we (me and his girlfriend) started to talk about Star Wars and he was .... incredibly ignorant. I told him, if you want to hear EPIC music, these are the films you have to see.

I told him: -“John Williams is the reason I am here. The reason I started to do film-scoring and bringing that into cinematic games like Resident Evil 6.” -”Who's John Williams? Never heard of him...” was his response.

Me and his girlfriend were completely flabbergasted of this guys total ignorance of a film-defining classic that changed film-music for science-fiction, approaching it with an operatic execution, giving characters themes, music that flowed with the action like those old golden-era film styles, but modernized for a new generation of movie-goers. It was the biggest risk, bringing in an orchestra for a sci-fi fantasy, but it paid off. Orchestral music was COOL again. Without John Williams, we wouldn’t have one of the first hybrid-action scores in Return of the Jedi with big thick synthbasses in Jabba’s Palace for that ominous uncertain character that turned out to be Leia unfreezing Han Solo from his carbonation chamber. Minimal amount of synth, but it was there.

The ignorance of D2 started to show. But I didn’t want that to be the moment, so I told his girlfriend to sit down and watch those films together. Not sure if they did, but it was here I started to feel the “British twit” mentality, the “I am better than thou”, the “I’m in my 20′s and I have already figured out the meaning of life...” All he had was his own business back home generating the dough in making sample-based kontakt-libraries. Good on him.

Then a few month’s later, I saw something on his YouTube channel that really started to kill my vibe for the dude. Whenever when I work for big companies like Konami, Capcom or Sega, I always sign an NDA. That mean’s I’m not allowed to record or show off my work for projects that are in progress. But here he is, talking about his cues he’s composing in real-time on YouTube. My first thought was, maybe I should tell anybody about this, but I don’t want to be a buzz-kill. I decided I didn’t want to butt in. Perhaps he would learn something from that mistake. Or did he?

A few months later D2 came back, now the game was pretty much in it’s final stages and he decided to meet me up together with R2 and we went out to yet another cafe, talking about software and stuff. Before we even met up with R2, D2 started to ask me if I had any registration keys for some software he didn’t own... I’m now getting even more confused. Is he asking me for pirate copies??? I just can’t make this one slide, so I’ll just stay quiet. R2 shows up, they start to make fun out of my English, my use of words in fun ways. I know the Britt’s and the Australians share the dry word humor, but I told them that I really like to perform on real hardware and twisting knobs for cutoff filters and stuff. All they wanted was to make fun out of me using the words “I like to turn knobs” (English slang for wanking off people, not my intention since we are talking about synthesizers...) R2 however was sucking up to D2 due to his huge following on YouTube and Twitter, so my point of view was completely irrelevant for R2. I had made valid points, but D2 shot me down, R2 is right behind him like a narcissists flying monkey.

This was the moment where I felt I should distance myself from D2 for trying to acquire pirate software keys, asking me if I had any cool software etc. He’s bloody rich. He should buy the software like everyone else, especially guys like me. I pulled a small ploy and pretended I got a phone-call from an agency going;

*hanging up the phone* -”...Sorry guys, it’s seems to me something important has just landed in my lap and I have to leave you here, but I wish you all good on your ventures. Take care and talk to you guys later.”

From that moment, I was just exhausted from R2 and D2. They are a perfect fit for each other. But the ignorance and bluntness from D2 lost all of his credibility for me and I just said to myself quietly I just have to keep fighting my own battle in an uphill, serving D2 with the best kind of courtesy I’ve learned from the Japanese and being shit on in the process. He doesn't respect many of us, so I’ll now don’t give a damn.... I need closure. And with a snap of my fingers, all the bad went away.

After leaving these thoughts to you, I’m ready to let go and start a new future in the land of music production. But one thing is for sure, I'm done with the charade.

Of course there are times when enough is enough. And I've had enough.

#Film #Score #Music #Film-industry #community

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