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#life is going by pretty goddamn fast which is good and bad i guess if i do want to die but also i want to Live. sometimes
apathyfairy · 2 years
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ok. i’m tired of feeling sorry for myself and just wanting to die. tomorrow i’m going to wake up and do something with my life and be happy and find a way to enjoy my miserable little life
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hcneygemini · 21 days
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𝖝. 𝖆. 𝖓. 𝖆. — lyrics sentence starters.
A collection of sentence starters from some singles released, minus anything featured in Tantrums ( the meme featuring those is here ). This meme also includes a song not by her, but which she is featured in. Do not add to or steal this meme. Feel free to change pronouns, edits phrasing, or generally slightly edit or combine lines as needed. Some lines have already been slightly rephrased for rp purposes. tw: cheating, toxic relationships, suggestive
MONSTER
i hold your mistakes high over your head, especially when they look like mine.
i'm not one to hand out forgiveness.
it pains me to admit you were right.
someday i will be someone you resent.
honey, the pleasure is all mine.
i heard you're calling me a traitor.
i owe you a good apology, i'll do it later.
i paint myself the good guy.
i heard you're calling me a monster.
after all the shit i pulled, you could do better.
i'll do what i want over what's right.
you gave me your all.
it was intimate.
i guess it ain't your fault that i can't commit.
i never listen.
i couldn't help but feel so indifferent.
all my failures are visceral.
i still taste blood from years ago.
you ain't good enough.
i can't even be honest with myself.
how could you believe i'd do that for someone else?
i don't want that life.
i'm kissing boys in the back of their cars.
it's half past 3.
you were fast asleep while i was on the phone with [ Jodie ].
will i ever know why i am like this?
i go for what i can't have, like i'm righteous.
i can't face the shame.
if you wanna place blame, just say my name.
i go home alone and i think it's strange.
i got what i want but it don't taste the same.
everyone who's ever loved me is the enemy.
i get high on all the jealousy.
you can't forgive the infidelity.
i don't wanna be someone who lives like that.
i was supposed to be a good friend, trusted.
i snuck around with the love of your life.
after all the shit i pulled, you should do better.
HOMEWRECKING ERA
wrap your thighs around me.
i could keep all your secrets.
cross my heart and hope i mean it.
think of all the damage i could do.
say less.
push me on the counter.
call me princess.
wish i could say no, but it's hopeless.
i'm losing focus.
i wonder if [ she ] knows about those pictures on your phone.
you should feel guilty, but you don't.
i'm in my homewrecking era.
got things i wanna do to you.
i feel bad for a minute.
you make me feel so good.
i taste something bitter in my mouth.
i left my bralette on the ground.
i can't help myself.
nobody fucks like me.
i'm the [ girl ] of your dirty dreams
the silence is deafening.
do you miss me?
i think [ she ] can taste me.
i can give you what you want.
we called it love.
we might've fucked it up.
baby, just fuck me up.
i'm the flame that keeps you warm at night.
don't i bring out the green in her eyes?
you like how pretty [ she ] is when [ she ] cries.
[ she ] loves you so much, even the lies.
we're both the one, but never the only.
you get so lonely
crown me the villain and hero tonight.
fucking me brought you together so nice.
i got a taste for the drama.
i spilled your guts 'cause i wanted.
look at all this damage that i do.
BETTER KIND OF BEST FRIEND
i can see [ her ] in my dreams.
i see [ her ] in my bed.
[ she's ] the goddamn vision that ringin' in my head.
i'm waitin', patient.
we could be good together.
let me release the pressure.
i think i found my treasure.
[ she ] tastes like heaven and she knows it.
i'm eager.
i just wanna please you.
she's got me prayin'.
i could be a better kind of best friend.
i'm a fan.
i don't die for my [ women ] anymore.
i'll do anything to have you.
i swear to be true.
i don't die for my [ women ] anymore, i kill for them.
you don't need to ask, you got my permission.
lord knows we tried.
can't stay away from each other.
you know i'm a sucker.
watch as i swallow my pride.
i wanna make it intimate.
i've got my finger on the trigger.
they come and go.
YOU DON'T WANT ME LIKE THAT ( by Rachel Bochner )
if you hated me it'd be easier.
i know what's coming is really gonna hurt.
if i hated you, i would've never tried.
it's a habit you conditioned.
i wonder if you know you're bad.
i wanna tell you that i miss you.
you wouldn't say it back.
you don't want me like that.
you don't want a picture of me sitting on your nightstand.
you don't wanna touch me in the way we both know you can.
you just like the way i feel stuck in the palm of your hand.
where do you get off on it?
i do the extra credit but you're never satisfied.
i keep you center stage.
you keep me on the side.
i'm crossing all the lines.
you won't call it what it is.
you just call me when you're blue.
the fantasy is cute.
i would give you all i have.
i stay up waiting for you.
i can't keep waiting.
BABYBLUE
baby blue was always your color.
it's a little strange how we're seeing each other.
god, you look just as i remembered.
it's been a few years.
i've known you forever.
you packed your bags and moved to [ Boston. ]
you needed a place that you could get lost in.
time will tell.
you got my youth on your bedpost.
say it ain't so.
our picture's getting dusty.
you smell vanilla and don't think about me.
i hope it's alright, your life without me.
you ran to my house in the pouring rain.
i've cried every damn day since you left.
i don't mind if i never get over it.
i've been watching reruns.
i should call my little sister, i worry about her all the time.
you hold other hands.
i'm biting my tongue.
you're making new plans.
i'm coming undone.
i watch your old films.
looking at it now, i think i love you still.
i try to be cool.
if i never say a word, does it make it less true?
i feel the time go.
i fear the unknown.
it's getting so old.
all of my anxieties are filling up my diaries.
the water ran cold.
there's so much i don't know.
i think i gotta go.
you see green and don't think about me.
BAD BANDIT
i've been lonely for awhile now.
i'm tired of this ghost town.
[ she ] looks pretty on [ her ] poster.
i'm thinking i could hold [ her ].
i want you on my body.
won't you face it?
you wanna make or break it.
you wanna feel me naked.
i'll show you how to take it.
count your blessings when the devil ain't got nowhere to go.
maybe i'm bratty.
i taught that [ man ] a lesson.
[ he ] was charming and i loved [ him ].
[ his ] urges were disgusting.
i bed [ him ] down to nothing.
that little [ lady ] wanted love.
it's such a damn shame.
you better run, babe.
[ she's ] taking aim.
[ she ] promised me [ her ] best.
i could see forever in [ her ] golden eyes.
my baby told me lies.
i swear i'm gonna die.
but i ain't the one biting the dust tonight.
i swear i'm gonna miss [ her ] for the rest of my days.
i still hear [ her ] voice.
BET YOU'LL GET OFF ON THIS
maybe in another year you might be different.
i'd rather not admit how many years i've been insisting.
you showed me your true colors.
you used to be the prettiest thing i'd ever seen.
what you said to me last sunday was disgusting.
i don't need to look at you to know you feel nothing.
you feel nothing.
maybe you like it better when i'm cool.
i don't give a shit.
did you really have to be so cruel?
all i ever did was try to love you.
i don't know who you are.
i saw the façade slip, and it was alarming.
i'm left with confusion.
how did you not ever learn to be human?
what did i expect?
you never grew up.
you think you're so deep, but you're so out of touch.
[ Natalie ] was right when [ she ] said that you were heartless.
i don't ever want you to touch me again.
i really can't stand the way you talk about your [ girlfriend ].
bet it hurts to know i'm no longer your forever.
i won't hold my breath, but i hope you get better.
i don't wanna belittle my love.
all we ever did was try to love you.
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striving-artist · 9 months
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Ok but I'm actually curious. What do you mean they make a clear version of their paint? What's the difference between that and sealer and why would you not just use sealer?
I am SO GLAD you asked.
Kilz is a really well known, really cheap priced absolutely amazing primer that covers things that would normally take four or five coats of paint. Have you ever had sharpie on drywall and were trying to cover it white? It takes a bazillion years to cover it at all, and over time, that damn sharpie will start showing up through it. Horrific. It also stops mold from growing through. I don't know how much time you spend dealing with painting over surfaces that would rather not have paint on them, but guess what?! It's not as good as the really specific metal primers but dude, my dudes. frick a fracking Kilz.
We used to describe it like this in school, and I still describe it like this now: It stays where you put it. On your paint brush and you let it dry at all? It aint moving. On the wall? hope its where you wanted it. Spilled it on the ground without a tarp, bad day for you buddy, even if you start scrubbing now, its not going away fully if the substrate has absolutely any porosity. Got it on YOU? like, in your hair or on your skin? And it dries? You legitimately need to take off the top layer of skin. Its not going freaking anywhere. Im not kidding. You can scrub all you want, but you're not breakin down the paint, youre exfoliating. And if its your hair? absolutely not. It'll break the strand long before you get it out. Couple of my students had really tight coily hair, and I made them cover it before rolling kilz. Cause sure, you'll notice a big glob and go work on it immediately, but the little spatter dries fast and you don't notice and then you're sad.
So. that's why Kilz is amazing. But it only comes in scaldingly bright white. yes, I've tinted it down, but oof.
Other important thing you need to know. Scene painting involves a lot of faux finishes, which require clear paint so you can make glazes. Sometimes you can sneak by by just cutting the paint with water, but that doesn't work for everything. We also use clear coats to seal finished things, and especially finished floors. Good clear paint that doesnt have a really strong yellow or blue sheen is expensive, like, easily costs 100/gal and even then, its not perfect. Tends to be weak, gets air bubbles easily, goes cloudy easily. picks off pretty bad when its dry but not cured. This is Not ideal. Plus, stage rarely wants the paint to be glossy, for a long time almost no one made that at all, and even the ones that do that are at a hardware store are still in the 50-80 range. You buy it if you need it, but oof.
Kilz.
Goddamn Kilz.
All that about how strong it is? Just as strong. All that about how it sticks to anything? Just as good. It has a very slight yellow sheen to it, so you couldn't use it for close up work that has to be perfect, but most of the time you're tinting the clear anyway, so the yellow vanishes almost completely. And, that yellow sheen is less than some of the high end ones get. It takes tint. It mixes with straight paint. It can cut with water. It dries as fast as the opaque one. It covers as well as the opaque one so if you're trying to cover sharpie/stains on a not-white wall, you don't have to do 6 layers of the colored paint to hide the white -- and even then its still visible because of all those extra layers.
And. its 26/gallon. (where I am at least)
That is less than the cheap type of house paint. That is between half and a third of the cost of the other good clear paints.
This stuff is a flat out miracle product for theater and honestly, for life in general, and while I understand why non painters don't get that from the start, holllyyyyyyyy crap it is worth getting excited about.
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chidoroki · 1 year
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Toyko Revengers S2EP12
aka: & another one gone & another one gone, another one bites the dust
Oh wow we actually got a look at our poor boy’s face because it was open casket. He was strangled though? By who?
Ah come on, Hina still dies in this timeline too? Figured as much.
If anything the timeline got worse with Mitsuya’s death. Only good is that Takemichi ain’t locked up.
Naoto arriving to give us the juicy details of this new fucked up timeline.. in which all the major members of Toman were murdered. Great. How could we have fucked up this badly when we defeated Black Dragon and got Kisaki kicked out?
“Chifuyu Matsuno, shot and killed.” Aahh not again!!
Hakkai burned to death? Good lord. And Draken stabbed again huh.
“Even Kisaki’s been murdered.” ..Hurray? We can at least be happy about that, right? Maybe?
If all major members were killed, then how come Takemichi was spared? And what of Mikey?
“The person wanted for these murders is Manjiro Sano.” Okay, well, that solves one question and raises so many others.
Oh he’s gonna meet Mikey at the place where his bro found the bike engines right?
Ayyy, future Mikey lookin kinda nice. And I love that he still wears the sandals.
Wait, Takemichi left Toman? I guess that would cause Mikey to snap, especially since he promised he’d keep him in check last time.
Draken and Mitsuya begged on their knees to Mikey to allow Takemichi to leave. Apparently Mikey was getting to violent back then already? But hhhhmmm the three of ‘em look good there too.
“Those guys, every last one of them.. I killed them all. That’s why I’m asking you. I want you to end it all.” BIG YIKES. Ain’t no way Takemichi is gonna accept taking Mikey’s life.
Ah, Hakkai looked good blonde in that flashback.
“Pretty much all the troubles in life can be easily solved by killing someone. I can just kill anyone who gets in my way.” Nah, REALLY bad outlook on life you got there, and ya shouldn’t be saying such things with a smile on your face!
Damn he slammed Takemichi to the ground real quick.
Oh come on, please don’t show me Chifuyu dying a second time..just hearing the gunshot as the screen fades to white doesn’t make it any better for me!
Uh, hello?? Random ass gunshot from who??
Naoto! Goddamn.. I dunno whether to be relieved or mad at you for that headshot.
“The safety’s on. He wasn’t going to kill him?” SEE! You jumped to conclusions way too fast Naoto, damn you!
Bro you literally got shot in the damn head, how the fuck are you alive and talking right now Mikey??
Oh shit, Takemichi told him about the time travel.
We’re gonna end there?? I knew this season was gonna be shorter but shit.. apparently we got one more ep though? I think??
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thetypedwriter · 2 years
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Once Upon A Broken Heart Book Review
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Once Upon A Broken Heart Book Review by Stephanie Garber 
Fairy Tales, weddings, princesses, curses, poison, Fates, step-sisters, prophecies—this book has it all. 
Unfortunately, it doesn’t do any of it very well. 
Stephanie Garber is one of those authors that has always been sitting in the back-burner of my mind, but one that I never got around to. Her Carvale series is particularly renowned and while I didn’t have a specific reason for not reading them, it was more of a gut feeling. 
If the Caravale series is anything like Once Upon A Broken Heart, my gut feeling was absolutely correct. 
Once Upon A Broken Heart is a meta fairytale about a rose gold girl named Evangeline who goes from pauper to princess to fugitive to prophetic savior. 
The plot is a nonsensical mess of weaving plot lines in which the only consistency is the repetitive writing, Jacks the Prince of Hearts, and Evangeline hoping for love. 
There’s also a wedding, travel, step-sisters, Fates, kingdoms, murder, and of course, vampires. I would explain the plot more, but honestly, it’s such a mess and it really doesn’t matter at the end. 
All you need to know is that it parallels a plethora of well-known fairy tales in the hopes of achieving the same magic, romance, and spell-binding creativity and mostly fails. 
Evangeline as a main character is…dumber than a box of rocks. Garber tries really hard to show how sweet Evangeline is, how hopeful and charming and kind, but in actuality, Evangeline makes several dumb decisions over and over and over agian all in the name of love. 
I get what Garber is going for. 
I don’t hate Evangeline, but I didn’t find her particularly compelling. She’s very reminiscent of a typical YA female protagonist: brave, kind, good, etc. Her blind optimism is annoying, as is the fact that she cares deeply for people she barely knows. 
The other main character, Jacks, is more interesting, slightly, and only because he’s got some attitude and backbone. He’s often reticent, barbed, and is described as having dark blue hair which I admit sounds pretty cool. 
His major downfall is calling Evangeline Little Fox every two goddamn seconds and making me want to rip my hair out. 
Otherwise, he’s your very typical YA male love interest: broody, handsome, and untouchable. 
All the other characters don’t matter. 
Garber goes through plot lines and characters like I go through a Cheetos bag: quickly. 
My overall biggest complaint with this book is its pacing. It’s a flaw that bleeds into everything else—plot, characters, writing, setting. 
The book is way, way too fast. We never have time to truly adjust to anything before Garber is onto the next asinine development. 
We barely have time to meet Evangeline, her family, and the setting of the South before Evangeline makes an ill-advised deal with Jacks, stops a wedding, turns to stone, awakens, meets with the Queen, and is shipped off to the North to partake in some vaguely described festival called Noctre Neverending. 
This happens maybe in the span of 20 or 30 pages. Which is ludicrous. 
Because of the speedy pacing, Garber also feels the need to repeat herself five thousand times throughout the duration of the book which got very old very fast. 
In almost every chapter, we’d get a run down of what had happened, a reminder that Evangeline was turned to Stone once, a reminder that Jacks is a bad boy, and a reminder that Evangeline ruined Marisol’s life and feels guilty.
Maddening. 
It also makes the book a very juvenile experience as every single thing is pointed out and explained to you as a reader. I don’t know who they were marketing this book to, but I’d wager a guess and say thirteen-year olds. Anyone older would probably find this book immature like I did. 
That being said, Garber’s ideas are good and creative, but she fails to expand or take the time to really go in depth for any of them. 
The setting, the world, the characters, the plot—they’re all shafted with this really quick, breakneck pace that ruins everything. 
I genuinely believe that if Garber took the time to expand each chapter, delve into each emotion, and really explore the world, the book would be twice as big and innumerably better. 
I liked the idea of this novel a lot. The idea of the different Fates from Tarot cards being god-like people, the North and South, all the magic, and the creativity was super alluring.  
It gives me Shrek vibes in that it’s trying to turn fairy tale stereotypes on its head while being a fairy tale itself. 
However, Shrek is a masterpiece and this book is…not. 
Recommendation: Watch Shrek and call it a day. 
Score: 4/10
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Daria Zhalina
Place: 3rd Place
Average: 4.5
It’s not hard to look ugly when you look as hot as Daria. Seriously, I loved Daria the moment she walked onto the set. She had an amazingly tall height, a banging body, and a unique face that draws you in. I especially love her big eyes and small lips, it’s a nice contrast. Her story was inspiring and I’m really proud of her for learning polish so fast and rebuilding her life back after moving to Poland. Daria also had to deal with Adam so I rooted for her til the end. However, her biggest problem in the show was her inconsistency. Seriously, if I complained about Natalia having a lot of whiplash during her time on the show, Daria was a whole damn rollercoaster. Her first shot was stunning only for her to fall down to the bottom for her terrible nude shoot. She was able to improve nicely before gong back down a bit by the War shoot. Daria was able to get a FCO with her overall stellar Masterchef and kept up the momentum well with a solid police shoot. Once the double week happened, things just kinda went down the drain faster than you can blink. Her 2 photos were very disappointing, which is a shame since I expected her to do really well on the natural and dramatic week. However, she didn’t understand how to break out of her shell, which I’ll lead onto later on. Her overseas performance was rocky as well in terms of photos. She started off terribly with her awkward windmill shot before bouncing back nicely with a stunning couture shot before having a terrible/great shot for the finale, which she finally got the boot for in the live finale (by audience vote). I’m shocked that she was even able to keep a good average but I guess the weeks where she peaked really carried her average at the beginning/end. Daria’s biggest problem was just how inconsistent she was. If she didn’t feel comfortable on set, it lead to an awkward photo because of how much she overthought everything. I believe the reason why her swimwear shot was so bad is because she wanted to be nude and let the negative energy weigh her down on set. She never seemed to have a mediocre week, always just ups and downs no matter what. The closest she had to a mediocre week would be the natural beauty week but that’s about it. Daria seemed to overthink every pose and expression she did but when she was in the zone, she was in the fucking zone and could blow everyones’ minds. Just look at the FCOs she got from me, her Masterchef and APART. Both are breathtaking because of how relaxed Daria looks, she looks comfortable and her face truly looks stunning. It’s hard to look ugly if you’re Daria after all. However, outside of photos, Daria was just a goddamn force in terms of everything else. She had by far the best walk out of everyone in the group, she looked like a seasoned supermodel strutting her stuff. Her unique look and walk really carried her in go-sees, leading to a slaughter that I’ve never seen before. Her loving personality alongside her go-sees performances carried her to the finales easily even with such an inconsistent performance on photos. It was a shame that Daria was so close to the finishing line only to get screwed over by the dumb audience twist (first Jakob now this). However, unlike Jakob, Daria had a lot against her. She was seen as boring to a lot of Polish viewers alongside her inconsistent performance during the show. She may be naturally pretty but she often let her nerves get to her. Overall, Daria may be one of the rockiest contestants to cover but she was a sight to see, her unique look was stunning and looking at her go-sees performances, she proved that she could easily book anything even with inconsistent photo qualities. It’s great to see her successful and exceeding my expectations.
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jessielefey · 9 months
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I won't say I forgot, because I've been getting a bit pathological with my lying again and I'm trying to get that under control. Again. So let's say "I didn't say anything here because I was already exhausted and nobody on tumblr will call the cops if I disappear for a while".
But yeah! I had a migraine so bad I fried literally all of my surviving electronics. The switch, thank god, recovered, but my last functional phone did not/is not anymore, so like whelp.
I have sporadic email access *and people literally shouting at my fifth story window from the parking lot* like an 80's teen movie. No rocks yet, but it was threatened. Fucking surreal?
I didn't miss it, which is terrifying. I miss 1998-2008 internet, but if anything this involuntary internet fast only showcased that I've already been doing that so honestly very little changed. Half of my emotional struggles in the last six months are pretty much just symptoms of that unmet need, I'd wager.
So wheeee I guess, another life destroying yet somehow stupid problem I can do absolutely nothing about and just have to learn to live with! My own lack of goddamned agency is going to be the thing that finally puts me down for good, I swear to fucking god.
But for what it's worth, I'm still not dead yet, if you were worried. The usual username at Gmail stop company or -- if you know it -- legalfirstname stop legalpaternalfamilyname at Yahoo stop Canada, if you miss me.
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babydinojojo · 11 months
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Day 3/ Entry 3
Okay... maybe I've gotten way too mad at myself last night. I can't really sleep right now so i guess Imma write in here for a bit and then i'm gonna go back to sleep.
Okay forget what i said about the google doc, I will try my absolute best to remember to tell her shit alright, she still loves you Jordan you just need to let go sometimes yk. Okay anyway the Class 700 came out for Train Sim World 3 today so Im gonna be checking that out today. I wonder what skin i should Make for minecraft cause i need something completely original and no i don't wanna use AI cause that's gonna be the death of us Istfg, I don't know it's just i get a mega bad feeling even when i see AI chatbots and shit like they just make me scared for some reason and the fact that its ramping up faster and faster everyday makes me worry about the future... I DON'T WANNA DIE BY A ROBOT, I JUST WANNA LIVE A FULL LIFE AND SEE MY GF KRISY AND HAVE A LIFE WITH HER, NOT JUST DIE BY SOME DAMN ROBOT. Anyway tho I have an off day today surprsingly oh wait i forgot that i didnt have work today and i thought i overslept ;-; bruh, I keep forgetting shit. Which brings me to my next topic
I think i finally might know why i keep forgetting things, I just got way too much going on in the background to remember, I have a short attention span so it's probably because work is making me do more and more shit. Except the past two work days, where we did ABSOLUTELY nothing after my lunch break. That's time where I could have been texting Krisy and spending time with her, but its whatever tho. Oh yea funny story tho from Yesterday lol, Soooo i was on an R62A 6 Train right, and i was riding the City Hall Loop and everything went all and according to plan until we skipped the Fucking Uptown Platform, it went non-stop and i was lowkey panicking cause yea i thought i was on an Out of Service dehead, thankfully we stopped at Canal street, Yea im not gonna be doing the loop after that, speaking of the 6 Train, them R62As are extremely underrated as fuck, for trains that started on the 6 as Single units and then ended up on the 7 and then came back in 2015-2016, they are pretty fast and underrated for a local train.
While we are on the topic of my gf, I think i found some places I would like to show her around
-Brooklyn Bridge Park/Pier
-Barnes and Nobles in Downtown Brooklyn
-Ride around the City Hall Loop and show her the Abandoned City Hall Station which looks absolutely amazing to this day
-Dave and Busters TSQ/Gateway Mall
-Queens Center Mall
Okay yea that's a good list and a good start
Speaking of last night, like I said before i got way WAY too mad at myself last night. Damn.. I never realized how hard I am on myself especially for her. Okay I realize that i need to sometimes let things go, I can't be to hard on myself cause thats gonna end up destroying my confidence and make me start self harming, hasnt happened yet but still, i just gotta breath and chill the fuck out.
On a side note tho, im not sure why but for some reason i have a massive pet peeve when someone uses "Ok" or "K" or "Mk" instead of just saying "Okay" or "Alright. I don't know its just "Ok" or "K" Just seem way more cold and distant, and no in my opinion are not the goddamn same as "Okay"/"Alr"/"Kay"/"M'kay" Its just fucking not the same, like bro next person who "Ok" or "K" me im gonna end up getting pissed at them. Okay fine i'll admit i had way too many people, and no before you ask Krisy is not apart of those people, but still too many people try to pull that dry shit and it always send the goddamn wrong message cause i end up thinking something is the goddamn matter with them, like i said "Ok" and "K" are NOT the same as "Okay" and "Kay" or "Alright"/"Alr"
Well that's all i got for now, lets see where the day takes us shall we
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anne-i-write · 3 years
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moriarty the patriot headcannons pt. 1
| requested by anon: Can you write about all male characters in moriarty has a same look of their  children and hpw many children they want? |
william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader; sebastian x reader; fred x reader
word count: 2397
pt. 2: 221b boys
a/n: I DONT KNOW WHY I DIDNT WRITE THIS EARLIER IM SO SORRY THIS REQUEST HAS LITERALLY BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG I AM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS
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william: 487 words
with his whole plan to clean the world of the filthy nobles, william never really stopped to think about having children
well, until he met you
you both were in town one day and he saw you fondly watching a child speak with her mother
“i think two children would be nice”
“i didn’t even ask”
“i know, but the look you gave that mother was telling enough”
n e ways he is a simp and he did eventually give you what you wanted
fast forward a few years, you have two children: a boy and a girl
and they look exactly like their father
like,, it lowkey pains you how much they physically take after their father
you wanted to be like “oh they have your personality, but they look just like me!”
no
granted, your son took after you in an emotional sense but your daughter was a daddy’s girl through and through
like she looks like him, she acts like him, speaks like him, she even EATS like him
ok but the men w your children
fred is a freaking sweetheart ok
like he’ll watch over the kids when no one has the time and they love him too so they’ll help out in the garden which you are SO thankful for
tbh they only like uncle albert bc he brings them lil trinkets from when he gets back from london LMAO
louis doesn’t show it, but he absolutely adores your children and makes extra snacks for them at tea time
you caught onto this at one point bc for some REASON your kids would not stop bouncing off of the walls before bed and they told you uncle louis gave them chocolate
and sebastian loves messing w your kids bc,,, sebastian
but he accidentally made your son cry ONCE and he was at the mercy of every adult in the moriarty estate including the boy’s younger sister
needless to say, he watched his actions and words around your children after that
now, william
i’m just gonna say this straight out: most of the men never really thought about having kids (save john and albert)
but when you finally had kids, william had a different outlook on life
like fr,, this man works overtime now trying to get rid of the filth that is called nobles
he doesn’t want his kids to be raised in a world where just because you have more money than another means you get to look down on them
you still instill in them those good morals ofc
he also tries to be very present in their lives since he and his brother were raised as orphans
when he was younger, he didn’t mind it all much
but now that he had this small family and a brighter future, he did everything in his power to make sure they’re happy and grow up in a cleaner and kinder world
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louis: 320 words
it took you a week to get him to at LEAST humor you
“if you could, how many kids do you want?”
“none”
like, this guy is so dedicated to his brother and his cause it is a WONDER you somehow wormed your way into his heart
but you did and honestly, the brothers are actually very happy that you’re with them
william especially
louis rarely emotes but when you came into their lives, you got louis pissed at one point and everyone was like,,,, wtf?? he has emotions???
anyways, his answer is one kid LMAO
and when you get that one kid, he looks just like louis
yall already KNOW that he’s ready to die for that child as soon as louis holds him in his arms
the only kid sebastian wouldnt even try to mess with
he can deal with william’s albert’s or fred’s kids but louis lowkey intimidates him so he’s as nice as he can be
that being said, louis teaches his kid how to properly handle stuff around the house
you want to cry bc ur son is just so??? the little kid just loves helping out no matter how small the task and he’s just so cute it hurts
even sebastian’s kinda like,, “aight he’s the only kid i will tolerate”
louis grew up with only his brothers so he also wants to give his son a shot at a normal family
is actually aware at how he thinks he’s indispensable for william’s cause and he doesn’t want his son to end up like him
he also teaches his son some badass fighting moves
oh and louis smiles a lot more too
cried bc his son saw the scar he got on his cheek, rubbed some dirt on his lil face and said “i have daddy’s cool scar now”
all in all his son is the best thing to happen to all of you
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albert: 505 words
same as louis in the fact that it takes him a week to answer
“you know you haven’t even answered my question”
“i’m sorry, what did you say?”
“how many kids do you want?”
genuinely takes time to ponder that question
he hadn’t thought of that since his family adopted william and louis
but with you?
“i think two darling girls who take after their mother is enough for me”
pls he’d be so sweet 🥺🥺🥺
you two end up having a girl and a boy, who look just like their father
and tbh, you’re not even mad
you love them so much so when albert comes back north, the three of you are ecstatic
the happiness was short lived for albert tho
he found his son spending time with william and there’s nothing bad right????
“where’s your sister?”
“she’s with mr. moran”
his heart DROPPED
out of all the people in the manor
HIM
he sees the two running around the garden
it all happened as soon as albert’s daughter went up to sebastian and said “you’re very pretty! you’re my knight now!”
he decided to “adopt” the little girl and now he’s lowkey whipped
you found albert staring at sebastian playing with his daughter and updated him about everything going on
“but him??”
“he’s just a big softie for her let it go”
isn’t really surprised when he finds out they can fight a little
actually glad that they can hold their own, God forbid anything happens to them
otherwise mi6 has to deal w family matters lmao
“albert, she only tripped”
“you shouldve seen the fear in her eyes as she fell”
“IT WAS A STRAY COBBLESTONE”
would raise hell if anyone even THOUGHT ill of his kids
william and louis are the doting uncles
william more so than louis bc your kids have never seen louis smile
now they’re on a mission to make uncle louis smile
louis was on child duty one day and they managed to slip away
omyGOD he was stressed but also,, extremely worried
so when he found them he had the most genuine smile on his face
your daughter was like (・∀・)
she loves uncle louis
ofc your son adores his dad like,,, who else wouldn't feel awesome at the age of 10 if you found out your dad was a high ranking general
feels superior to sebastian bc of his dad
lmao this 4’5 kid thinks he can rule sebastian for some odd reason
the house is always dirty bc him and sebastian always prank each other
your daughter is trying to catch a butterfly but she can’t so fred helps
instantly loves fred
“is that what heartbreak is”
“i guess that’s what happens when you try to get close to my kids colonel”
albert is kind of afraid of turning into his dad but he has you and everyone else to remind him that: no you are not your father, you are so much better than him
loves your family with his entire being
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sebastian: 844 words
“i see you looking at those kids and the answer is none”
lmao you’ll get so pouty around him bc you want kids dammit
that and he spoils you to no end so that's why you’re pouty lol
“fine we’ll only do one kid and bc one kid is all i can tolerate”
bruh
this man gives you three in four years LMFAO
two boys a year apart and a girl in the fourth year
you wanted to smack sebastian
when the two boys grew up, it was obvious they were already taking after their father in the physical sense
it was terrifying
they genuinely look like mini sebastians and you know everyone in the manor is afraid that you two birthed satan
and the satan was your eldest one
he’s just a feral sebastian moran in a tiny body
your second son, god bless him, looked just like his father but with fred’s temperament
and see, you were fine with your sons looking like their father
it was FINE right
you prayed to God that your third child would have at least some physical resemblance to you
your daughter was birthed, she grew up
and you cried
“HOW DO THEY ALL LOOK LIKE YOU”
“i’ve got some strong genetics, baby”
you sulk for a lil bit
but you accept it anyway because you love your goddamn kids
thankfully, your second and youngest child are both soft spoken and it's only your husband and his tiny clone bringing hell to earth
smacking sebastian bc all of your children suddenly started swearing up a storm at each other
“WHYD YOU HIT ME”
“YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO SWEARS AROUND THE KIDS”
finally sitting down and trying to convince them to stop swearing
“father does it!”
“your father’s stupid”
speaking of your daughter
she’s his little princess and no he will not take criticism
spoils her more than he spoils you
did she glance at a toy at a passing store?
he buys more toys than he should from said store
you have to physically hide some of his money bc there is only so much you can buy
and her older brothers are so caring you want to sob
if a person accidentally shoved her over bc she was tiny and they couldn’t see her
oh boy
get ready to restrain them like chihuahuas
“little sister will be protected at all costs”
since his second son is so different from him, sebastian actively makes time to talk about what the little boy is doing and what he’s getting from it
doesn’t want to be pushy and suffocating like his dad was so when his younger kid does want to be left alone to his devices, sebastian does so
but honestly loves that your second son is so literate
lddhsajdsfk what yall dont know is that they’re all in cahoots
kinda funny to see them all together bc they all take after their father so much it's like having three tiny sebastians go around town
anyways,,,, yall know the promised neverland right
you got ray, norman, and emma
granted one of them wasn’t as smart as ray but he definitely knew what stealth was
regular sibling rivalry was still a thing but if they could smell the pudding from the kitchen, they know they have to work together
sebastian caught his eldest smuggling biscuits into a small bag
he had half a mind to scold him
but then he ended up giving tips TO ALL HIS CHILDREN on how not to get caught next time—
bc of this they beg him to tell them some stories from afghanistan bc “there’s no way a man as old as dad knows this many stealth tactics”
louis is so fed up lmao
albert is in london most of the time so he just thanks the lord that he doesn’t have to deal w the propaganda that sebastian feeds his children about how “mr. albert is a bad man”
william is fine w it as long as they don’t trash the library
your younger ones love the library so they would cry at the thought of one of the books losing any of the pages
your second and your daughter are definitely the moriartys’ favorites
they don’t show it, but you just KNOW
your eldest could care less about that though
as long as you and his father still love him
and of course you both do
and fred is definitely your youngers favorite
they like to hang out in the garden
ok they still fight all the time though
just because your second child is soft spoken doesn't mean he’s afraid to throw hands
their sister likes to join in for the hell of it
but if someone wrongs any of the children
just because the younger ones are the moriartys’ favorite, doesn’t mean that they’re not gonna hunt someone down if they even think about trying to hurt the eldest too
yeah,,, good luck to them and their families
they got the entire moriarty estate coming after them
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fred: 241 words
cmon yall are like,, young
but you did ask him bc you were curious if he thought about it
he wants one
and when yall do have the kid, you guys actually do have one kid and its a girl
since you both are young, you can immediately see a resemblance between her and her father
everyone who meets her would die for her
ABSOLUTE CUTIE
especially when she walks around the garden w her hand in her dad’s and he’s showing her all the plants and telling her how to take care of them
needless to say she grows up loving plants
any type of plant
the boys love giving her flowers or anything from bc she has the biggest smile every single time
no matter if it’s just a single rose or a rock
this was found out one time when sebastian gave her a rock bc everyone else had given her like,, two roses each
was afraid she was gonna cry
“thank you so much mr. moran! i will treasure this until i get old!”
she was like 4 at the time
and had the widest smile you’ve ever seen on her
guys u don’t understand she smiles a lot but this was like,, genuine happiness
but everyone was just,, i will destroy the world and myself if anything happens to her
fr it’s just sunshines and rainbows every single time she’s around
everyone just loves her ok
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moriarty the patriot general taglist: @zoehanji
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Hi! What is your very specific Twilight AU?
okay, so. New Moon.
party disaster, dumping her and dipping, all happens normally.
but THEN. Bella finds out she’s pregnant.
(and I know you’re thinking- pre-marital sex?!?! Edward would NEVER! but listen. I am the author now. I’ve been around Christians my whole life. shut up!)
so anyway after a million pregnancy tests and a lot of googling about vampire baby legends, Bella’s like...well this is probably gonna be a situation,
Nessie doesn’t have an insane growth rate here because I hate that, so she has a normal amount of time to prepare, and she’s very...aware that the birth is gonna be Rough at best. So she goes to Jacob
who is NOT a wolf yet but Is aware of the pack and the treaty, and they are closer friends already, and she’s like ‘hey. paranormal emergency. you’re the only person in this town who enables me. help.’
 and Jacob’s like I’m Fucking Fifteen and goes and gets Leah, since she’s technically an adult and a girl
(ms. meyer How did you make one of leah’s only 3 character traits ‘upset she’s infertile’ and then not have her support bella’s choices in breaking dawn please make it make sense)
 so they start brainstorming solutions and the best they can work with is. Bella’s gotta ride out the pregnancy in hiding. they have no way of knowing whether she can survive the pregnancy and the only clue they have about whether the baby will be a monster or not is from google searches, but they also can’t exactly take her to an obgyn when her uterus feels like it’s calcified and her ribs are getting broken and she seems to be craving blood
So, Leah’s got her own little place. Bella moves in there, telling Charlie she wants to move back in with Renee (she knows her parents would never willingly call each other so as long as she keeps up communicating with both of them they should be none the wiser of her growing a little dracula in Leah Clearwater’s basement).
Leah has already defected from the wolf pack at this point (because...the Cullen’s left and she didn’t really like any of the guys anyway lmao) so they don’t run the risk of them hearing her thoughts while she’s in wolf form. She goes out and hunts animals, brings them back and her and Jake drain the blood from them so Bella can drink it. All three of them find this extremely disgusting obviously but Jake’s loyal and a little bit lovestruck, Leah’s a supportive friend and queen, and Bella’s just trying to keep her and her baby alive, and none of them feel like trying to rob a blood bank
Bella is 100% certain the baby will just be a baby who happens to like blood, like she was in bd, but the tentative plan is that if a crazy soulless monster comes out of her Leah will...handle that...
Which neither are thrilled about, so Bella’s just trying to focus on staying positive. And between that, trying to survive and stay hidden, Bella doesn’t really have time to...Check Out the way she did in new moon. Like, she’s absolutely still depressed, and she’s still getting an occasional Edward hallucination because carrying a vampire baby counts as reckless in many books, but she’s just more...resigned and pissed than anything. She’ll have days like the ‘possibilities’ scene, but more often than not she’s just telling the Edward hallucination to go fuck himself when he’s begging her to find the real him so they can have Carlisle deal with the pregnancy 
at some point, Seth gets roped into the whole mess (he’s prone to just breaking into his sister’s house) but since he’s like, 13 and The Best Baby Boy he’s immediately supportive. He didn’t even fucking know about the wolves and the vampires until he walked in on a six months pregnant Bella drinking blood while his sister and Jacob are hacking away at a dead deer, but he’s like...you know when you were 13 and sneaking around about Anything made you feel like the coolest person alive? point is he’s helpful
AND he can get away with spending a lot of time at Leah’s house without anyone finding it weird, unlike Jacob, so he starts spending most of his free time there keeping Bella company and brightening her day up
HE is the one who enables her when she comes up with the name Renesmee lmao
(just because she hates Edward doesn’t mean Esme ever did anything wrong!)
“bella I’ll throw you out of this house if you don’t come up with a real name” “leah she’s white you can’t just disrespect her culture like this omg”
anyway these four become the DORKIEST and WEIRDEST little family it’s cute
so then. labor.
it’s less...graphic than in bd because Bella hasn’t been actively dying the whole pregnancy and she doesn’t snap her spine in half, but it’s still. bad.
she essentially delivers a rock that Nessie then begins chewing her way out of. she’s actively bleeding out. Jacob’s having a panic attack. Leah made Seth watch so he would never have unprotected sex and the scare tactic is working. Leah’s covered in Bella’s blood which is not great considering she’s Holding A Rock That A Vampire Is Emerging From
Leah’s been taking classes and researching deliveries so she needs to stitch Bella up and see what else is wrong but Seth is rocking back and forth on the floor crying and Jacob’s screaming and pacing too fast to grab so she’s like. Bella babe I know you’re dying but you need to hold this thing for me ksjdfllksf
so while she’s handling That, Bella’s got this weird little rock in her arms and is watching the baby slowly fight it’s way out like this is a very fucked up egg or something and she’s just. overwhelmed. maybe it’s the blood loss but she’s looking at the messy, scrunchy little face and she’s already in love and envisioning their lives together.
and then, you know, the baby bites her,
she has just enough time to think ‘how did we not think to prepare for that’ before she can feel the venom coursing through her. it’s just as bad as she remembers from James’ bite but somehow...easier to tolerate. she blacks out pretty quickly
the other 3 notice and are like : 👁👄👁
Jacob...literally explodes into a wolf On Spot
Seth darts out the fucking door he’s seen enough for one day
Leah, sole holder of the braincell, realizes Nessie just bit and isn’t drinking from Bella, and deduces this is like...a survival instinct or something. the baby instinctively changes it’s mother first thing. weirdly...touching? 
So she gets the baby and checks that everything is physically okay with Bella (apart from you know. changing species) and is like...guess this is an issue for 3 days from now Leah
more immediate pressing issues: screaming new born baby and oh, yeah, the giant red wolf in the basement,
“Jacob I know this is disorienting but if you break anything in my house I’ll fucking kill you”
she really just leaves the poor boy to go get the baby cleaned up and warm up some of the frozen blood they’ve got in her fridge (RUINING HER TUPPERWARE, BELLA)
she’s not worried about the wolf pack mind meld yet because she knows Sam took the guys on a mission way farther up the coast for a few days and they’ll be too far away to hear Jake. hopefully, by the time they get back, Bella will be awake and they’ll have made an escape plan by then
and as she’s bottle feeding blood to the baby she’s thrilled that it seems to be like...relatively normal and not s horrific monster or anything. mission: unwillingly murder my best friend’s baby has been successfully canceled 
“Oh Goddamn it....Renesmee DOES fit you...”
Seth, from where he’s cowering behind the couch:��“told you”
so, Jake eventually calms down, they spend the next few days cooing over Nessie and brainstorming how to handle Bella when she wakes up a vampire, and also nicknaming Nessie ‘Nessie’ because they know Bella will find that intolerable and they feel she deserves karmic punishment for stressing them out so much lmao
so, three days are up. Seth’s upstairs putting on a way-too-elaborate puppet show for the baby with not a care in the world. Leah and Jake are in the basement because they know Bella probably won’t want their wolf blood and their ready to phase in case she gets a little aggressive
but she just wakes up and is like. hey! how’s it going? where’s my baby?
sjdhfksdj they were expecting feral but Bella still has her super self-control. she didn’t even realize she’d changed into a vampire until they told her lmao
Bella’s a little too freaked out to try hunting yet so they give her some of the stored blood they’ve been feeding Ness and she’s like. good to go. Leah’s about to scream like have the elders been exaggerating this whole time or is Bella truly a freak??? lol
So, they spend a couple days just...relaxing, Bella and Renesmee bonding, they’re trying to come up with fun places Bella can move to with the baby so no one she knows finds out, and every now and then Leah and Jake go out and she tries to help him get the wolf thing under control
and then,,,,the pack get back from their mission early
and immediately are able to read Jacob’s mind
so they head over to Start Shit because there’s two bloodsuckers on their land but,
the pack not attacking because Jake imprinted on Renesmee? tired. the pack not attacking because Jake’s Alpha Genes have taken over and declared Nessie and Bella as part of his Pack and attacking would literally start a war? inspired
so they hash the whole thing out....ultimately Sam decides Bella is more of a victim than a threat, and since neither her or Nessie seem to be going on a bloodlust rampage any time soon...he decides to grant them immunity from the whole ‘kill the vampires’ rule. He’ll let her and her daughter stay in La Push as long as they agree to stick to animals and only hunt out of town. PLUS from what little Bella knows about the Volturi, she’s worried about them finding out about Nessie, so they’ll offer protection if that does happen, in exchange for her being able to help them with intel on any other vampire threats in the area (you know like. if a nomad is fucking stuff up in a nearby city, they’ll send her to talk to them first before deciding if they need to intervene. Sam has become acutely aware he has a lot of teens and kids in his pack, so he’s trying to keep them out of fights as much as possible)  
anyway that’s the story of Nessie gaining like 17 chaotic as hell ride or die uncles,
let’s fast forward a bit
it’s like 15 years later. Bella’s not living with Leah anymore, but she’s got a cute apartment in a nearby town, and owns and runs a bookstore on the first floor of it. she got her ged and did college online and teaches night classes at a community college. She’s still in contact with her parents, who Adore the life out of Nessie. She still helps the pack out and they’re all close. Nessie is a handful but in a fun and lovable way. They go on little weekend trips whenever they have time. Bella’s happy.
but then a. Situation. arises.
basically, the Volturi have been made aware of some unknown vampire chasing others out of the pacific northwest and conspiring with shapeshifters. and you know when Aro gets curious he tends to spin things dramatically. who’s to say this vampire isn’t conspiring against all vampires? against them? why has no one’s special talents worked on her? he simply must find out.
Bella and the Pack get word and decide their best course of action for now is to go on the run. they’re not gonna be able to take on a whole army but if they can bide some time and lay low they might be able to figure something out
except Bella is like....I have a teenage hybrid that the Volturi don’t know about yet...it would be EXTREMELY irresponsible to take her with me
but she can’t send Nessie to Charlie or Renee because they don’t know about her...dietary restrictions. She can’t stay with Billy or anyone else in La Push because the Volturi might trace the pack’s scent there and discover her. She’s panicking, they have to leave in a few days max and she can’t find a safe place for her daughter
and then she’s like.....fuck.
she had run into Jasper a couple of years ago- they have the same forgery guy and were heading to his building around the same time as a coincidence. She promised to forgive him for the party incident if he promised not to tell Edward he saw her and that she’s a vampire now. He agreed, but then told her Edward’s been living on his own for a while now and insisted on giving her his number...she never could bring herself to call it or delete it...but now...if she wants to be 100% Nessie is safe and protected...
fuck
So, the past 15 years have been fairly rough for Edward
he’s still convinced leaving in order to save Bella was the best course of action, but like...the vampires canonically mate for life. that’s his soulmate. he’s absolutely miserable without her. he’s thought about cracking and going to find her again but he always talks himself out of it, convinced she’d just tell him she hates him or something
so as stated in his patented Edward Cullen Self Loathing Guide, first thing to do is isolate yourself from all the lovebirds you usually live with. Sure, he keeps in contact, but...not well. he’s currently living alone and posing as a university student. He’s not even really sure what he’s supposed to be majoring in. He’s mostly been in a haze since he left Forks.
and one day....he gets a call from an unknown number. he ignores it, thinking it’s a spam call. but then it calls like 8 more times in a row and he figures answering might be a bit smarter than simply throwing it at the wall
And Edward...swears he came back to life and immediately had a heart attack the second he hears Bella’s voice
He feels breathless and disoriented the whole conversation, trying to figure out if his memory did her voice any justice, trying to rush out 15 years worth of apologies, trying to comprehend she’s actually speaking to him.
But Bella’s very blunt on the phone. She doesn’t want to let herself get emotional. She’s on a time limit, and she has to focus on getting her daughter to safety
And Edward swears he somehow misheard her the first ten or so times she told him. He had a daughter? that wasn’t possible
“she has the audacity to be your Evil Twin so I’m pretty sure it’s possible”
so she gives him a rundown. she needs to go into hiding, no I don’t need your help with that, gives him details about Nessie, what she’s like, what she likes to do, her diet, her favorite color, how annoyed she is by this whole situation, “Edward I know you don’t love me anymore, but I remember how protective you were, and that’s what I need Nessie to have right now. She needs you right now” and Edward wants so badly to refute Bella’s claim of lost love, to tell her he has absolutely no idea how to be a parent, but...her tone is aching so much he can barely speak. He can’t let Bella down again, and he can’t let this little girl he foolishly created and left down anymore than he already has, either.
So he agrees, she tells him to be at the airport in a few days, and hangs up. 
Edward loses about half a day staring at a wall in shock, before he jumps into preparations.
Bella told him while their daughter possessed some speed and strength, hunting was fairly dangerous for her. She was more delicate than his kind, and had a heartbeat. Reheated blood bags had been their best option, and she also needed human food as well. He also had to get a room ready for her- he wandered around stores for hours, reading young girls minds to see if there was any furniture or decorations that were universally liked- which was of course, fruitless, but he did manage to find a handful of things he was sure Bella would have liked at that age, and prayed for the best. He somehow got himself covered in purple paint that was a nightmare to get off. Bella had sent him some forged documents claiming Nessie was his younger sister he’d won custody of, and he got her enrolled in a nearby school. He lived every day leading up to her arrival staving off a panic attack.
it wasn’t until he was on the way to the airport that he realized he forgot to inform his family about this life update. they must’ve been on a hunting trip, because he got nothing but voicemails 
imagine being Carlisle and you come home to a voicemail from your son who’s banished himself from the family that’s just like ‘hi. you’re a grandfather now. I’m having a nervous breakdown and might crash my car. call me back at your earliest convenience I suppose” like what would you DO
 after he gets to the airport he starts panicking again, realizing Bella had never actually sent him a picture, worrying about how he’d find her, but then- he sees a tiny girl with untamed, dark red curls, features strikingly similar to his own that are pulled into the expression Bella always made when she was reading, absently chewing on her lip, and before she looks at him with her mother’s big brown eyes, he already knows who he’s looking at, and he’s certain if he was human his tear ducts would be having a fit right now
Renesmee, however, seems less willing to have an emotional meeting. She mumbles out a simple greeting before gathering up her bags and heading for the door, Edward rushing behind her to try and help
listen. the awkwardness of Charlie trying to connect with Bella. but 10000x worse because of Edward’s overthinking, self-deprecating ass and Nessie being like ‘ah yes the guy who broke my pregnant teenage mothers heart, fantastic’ lmao
the car ride is p a i n f u l. Edward’s trying so hard for light conversation and Nessie’s barely giving one word answers. Bella had warned her about the mind reading so she was carefully keeping her mind blocked, which Edward is trying very hard to be understanding about instead of annoyed, but By God does he want to know everything about her
when they get back to his place, she quietly thanks him for the room and then promptly locks him out of it lol. He spends the rest of the day just pacing back and forth until he realizes he should eventually feed her lmao
and that’s...kinda how the first couple weeks go. she only emerges from her room if he bribes her with food, she awkwardly tries to dodge his questions, he drives her to school and then begs her to tell him how it went when he picks her up, he spends his college classes distracted because he’s freaking out constantly about how to successfully bond with her. His favorite time of day now is night, because she can’t block her mind while she’s asleep, and even if her dreams are all nonsense they’re still...part of her that he gets to know.
His family keeps begging him to let them meet her, but he’s pushing back because if she’s this bad at adjusting to one new family member, how is she going to handle six more?
(meanwhile Alice and Rose started a group chat with her and are having a ball clowning Edward lmao)
wait ksjflksd I think this vine perfectly sums up the dynamic im envisioning  https://youtu.be/wQZIUHNORHg
anyway they....very slowly make some progress. much too slowly for Edward’s taste, but hey.
Like he finds out snacks she likes. or jewelry she likes. stuff like that and just...wordlessly leaves it around for her lmao. he thinks it’s like trying not to startle a deer, Nessie thinks it’s more like a cat trying to gift you a dead mouse, but either way it’s weirdly endearing.
He notices she always has a huffy little frown when he picks her up on Wednesdays. So instead of begging her for an ounce of information of her school life, he asks her one Wednesday morning if she’s excited for the day and she admits she has an elective class every Wednesday with a girl she doesn’t get along with.
He gets her school photos (and Weeps) and realizes apart from her room the home is fairly barren of decorations, so he buys a bunch of picture frames and hangs up the school shots, and some pictures of the Cullen’s over the years, and the few he has of Bella that he could never bear to part with. Other than catching her smiling at the prom picture of her parents, Nessie doesn’t say anything- but the next time he comes home from hunting, there’s a pile of pictures of her growing up on the table, and he starts weeping all over again as he hangs them up
(there’s one of her and Bella hugging and looking at the camera with identical grins and joy in their eyes, he can’t help but put that in his room. He hopes one day he’ll get to see a scene like that in person)
He starts trying to get her out of her room a little more- he still hasn’t managed to a get a ‘favorites’ list out of her, so he starts playing movies Bella loved, to see if any of them lure her out. some do, some don’t- he got halfway through a Lord of the Rings marathon, which was Torture in his opinion, but then Ness came out and quietly asked if he could restart it and suddenly they became his favorite movies ever.
Bella’s not able to contact her on a set schedule or anything because of her situation (and you can bet your ass Edward’s contacted every vampire he knows and ordered them to help her out if they come across her or the Volturi), and Edward realizes that’s probably taking a toll on the girl, so he starts telling her stories of her mother when he knew her in Forks. She’s particularly amused by the blood typing incident- the first time Edward hears Nessie properly laugh, he literally starts crying on the spot
could you imagine the sheer panic if she ever gets so much as a cold
And yes, she’s still pissed on Bella’s behalf, and yes, she specifically blasts 70s music because Bella told her he hates it one time, and yes, if he looks at her like he’s a kicked puppy one more time she might claw his eyes out, and yes, she refuses to introduce him to her friends from school because she Knows everyone will then start asking her about her ‘hot brother’ and she can’t live with that and also can’t live with him knowing that so she told him if he ever introduces himself to any of her friends she’ll set him on fire, and yes, she’s homesick 95% of the time but...he’s growing on her. like a mold, or something.
(okay, maybe when Seth tried to analyze why Mamma Mia is her favorite musical, he might have had a point. half a point. quarter of a point. shut up.)
And Edward’s still trying to not have a panic attack every time she’s out of his sight- he’s got Carlisle keeping tabs on the Volturi for him, and it’s not exactly hard for him to keep track of her through other people’s minds- but she’s so tiny and her heartbeat is Too Fast and what if she inherited her mother’s unlucky streak??
but they’re toeing the line of co-existing peacefully and Edward’s scared to push it past that
then he has to, because it turns out he sent her to one of Those Schools where the parents have to be involved in the school in some way or another and Nessie’s Annoyed
sdkjfsdkjf she keeps trying to get him to just sign up for like pta meetings or something and he’s like ‘I need you to understand you are the only person in this town I actually know or like I Cannot survive around fundraiser moms I can’t’ 
so she’s like ugh fine I’m in the drama club
listen.....Stage Parent Edward Cullen.......the power this holds...
that’s right this whole post was an elaborate ruse for me to make a musical theater headcanon again lmao
no okay but seriously he starts off just helping build sets and stuff like that but then midway through the year their music teacher gets fired and the schools like begging him to take over because they can’t find someone in enough time that’ll know the music for the show they’re doing and he’s like “I need you to understand Nessie will never talk to me again if I start actually working at her school” and they’re like “She also will never talk to you again if we have to cancel the big musical, though” and he’s like. fuck.
silent treatment for a week and a half
lmao so now he’s trying to juggle being an overly-enthusiastic stage parent who’s making costumes and sets and kinda crying backstage when he sees his daughter in her costume with also being the music director for the damn show and trying to teach a bunch of kids how to read sheet music 
one day he ended up in a coffee shop with the hair and makeup moms, gossiping about the cast’s love lives, and he literally doesn’t know how he got there
is it wrong to pass Nessie in class even though she’s putting all the wrong answers on the test but he Knows she knows the right answers and is only answering wrong to try and get a rise out of him
Bella sneaks into town to see the show- they thought it would push their luck if the pack came, but they sent an ungodly amount of flowers and candy. When she snuck into the house while Ness was sleeping she Was Not expecting to find Edward up to his elbows in sequins, trying to fix a bedazzler he accidentally broke in frustration, muttering under his breath about how if Nessie’s romantic opposite in the show doesn’t keep his thoughts clean he’s gonna kill him- and it just cracks her up. She WAS nervous about seeing Edward again but now she’s assured he’s still a dork lol
So Edward freaks when he sees her but they don’t wanna wake Ness up so they’re trying to be quiet but like. they’re going through it 
Like Bella Wants to be pissed at him but she can’t, she still loves him- and while she can’t just get over what he did to her, it’s also not lost on her that ‘leaving to protect someone I love’ is literally what she had to do to her daughter
And Edward....Edward, who only left to give Bella a chance at a safe, human life, seeing Bella in front of him as a vampire, knowing it’s his fault she ended up that way and she had to go through it alone, had to raise a baby herself because he’d made it so hard to find him...knowing if he’d just pulled his head out of his ass he would have been able to be there for her...would be able to form a coherent sentence around his love right now, would have long and fond memories of Nessie’s childhood, likely wouldn’t have to watch Bella hide from the Volturi...he’s back in a self-loathing spiral already
But they haven’t seen each other in so long and they just don’t want to...deal with the unpleasantness right now, so they just push it aside. Bella helps Edward with the costumes. Edward fills her in on what she’s been missing with Nessie. Bella tells him some stuff about when Ness was younger. They just spend the night talking, and it feels like no time has past between them at all- which just makes the heartaches a little stronger
When Nessie wakes up to her mother there she’s ecstatic- bubbly and loud and glued to Bella’s hip all day, giving her in depth play-by-plays of her school and rehearsals and friends she’s made, bouncing on her toes all morning, hyper, giggly, and- it kind of breaks Edward’s heart a little, even though he knows he hasn’t really...earned this side of his daughter, yet. 
(at least he got his wish of seeing their twin smiles in person)
(he wishes he could see them every second of every day)
so the girls spend the day catching up while Edward mostly feels like a thirdwheel, and then they have to get Ness over to the school so she can get ready
Bella decides to hang out around the school theater before the show actually starts- she leans against the wall next to the piano, the two talking in hushed tones while Edward runs through songs. Bella really missed watching him play- the only thing that managed to drag her away from it was when Nessie called her to the dressing room to help with a hair emergency 
she didn’t talk to him much at intermission, her attention being stolen by the rest of the Cullen family (who had been Very Loudly supporting the show so far, she knew Ness was probably dying of embarrassment backstage)
after the show, the three went back to Edward’s and just...talked. Nessie was gushing about the show and eating while her parents assured her she was the greatest actress ever born, simple stuff like that. she fell asleep sandwiched in between them on the couch 
Bella realizes she’s never going to be able to bring herself to leave again if Nessie wakes up, and tells Edward as much. He clearly doesn’t want her to go just yet either, but...she’s on the run, it’s not like she has much choice 
He has so much he wants to say to her but he just- can’t. it’s not the right time. but he’s hoping she can see that in his eyes
Bella shifts Nessie off her shoulder so Edward can hold her, and she gives him a light kiss and says ‘thank you, Edward’ before disappearing in a flash. she needed to go before she lost her nerve.
Edward can’t bring himself to let Nessie out of his arms, so instead of carrying her to bed he just stays there, holding her, trying his best not to think that that could be the last time for a long time he’d ever see his Bella again, trying not to let thoughts of a life he gave up unwittingly consume him
okay I didn’t mean for this to be So Long so I’m cutting it here uhh...let me know if anyone wants a part 2? sorry lmao
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makeste · 3 years
Text
BnHA Chapter 320: Deku vs. Class 1-A
Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Kacchan was all “fuck Deku and fuck his stupid goodbye letters, I need to speak to somebody in charge.” Endeavor was all “hello, I am Somebody In Charge.” Kacchan was all “listen up asshole, you need to let us go out and collect our wayward nerd because you stupidly left him alone with All Might and that’s a fast track to disaster right there.” Endeavor was all, “[self-incriminating silence].” Rat Principal was all, “okay sure, have fun kids.” Back in the present, class 1-A was all “hi Deku” and Deku was all “I’M FINE!!!!!” and Kacchan was all “THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU’D SAY YOU DUMB FUCKING NERD” and so the kids all got ready to fight, because OF COURSE they’re gonna fight. Sorry guys, but yeah it’s happening.
Today on BnHA: Kacchan is all “what’s up Deku you look like a possessed Rorschach test, so anyway how are the new quirks coming along.” Deku is all “they’re coming along like THIS” and uses Smokescreen to try and get away. Kacchan is all “PHASE ONE COMMENCE”, and Kouda, Sero, Jirou, and Ojiro leap into the fray to shower Deku with heaps of love and violence, because this is a shounen manga and kicking someone’s ass while simultaneously proclaiming your undying admiration for them is just how it’s done in these parts. The KoudaSeroOJirou squad then passes the baton to Satou, Momo, Tokoyami, Kaminari, and Shouji, who are all “fuck this mask” and do a bunch of stuff to tear Deku’s mask off because they’re the real heroes. Shouto is all “LOOK AT THE LITTLE CRYBABY, THAT’S RIGHT, GO AHEAD AND FUCKING CRY and by the way let us share your burden please,” and once again I swear this is all very deeply moving and touching within the actual context. The chapter ends with Tsuyu being all “look at me. I’m the cliffhanger now,” and damn.
lol what
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I don’t think anyone was expecting that. I mean, not that I’ve got anything against Tsuyu or anything. anyways it’s a very nice cover and I love the colors and I hope this means Tsuyu’s gonna do something badass
also, “Deku vs Class A” -- pretty much the expected title, but it’s still got me hyped nonetheless fuck yeah let’s go
IIDA ANGST
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Iida Tenya really said “fuck the uniform code, we’re leaving the helmet at home today.” sorry kids, prim and proper C-3PO Comic Relief Iida has left the building. can I interest you in some Serious Iida
meanwhile Kacchan is all “sup Deku, I heard you got a few more quirks, and might I just add that you look like the Snyder Cut of Detective Pikachu”
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“you look like a tarred and feathered squid” okay easy there Kacchan. I mean it’s all true of course, but still
“thank you all for coming” OH EXCUSE ME SON, WERE YOU PLANNING ON GOING SOMEWHERE. LET’S JUST SEE HOW THAT PLAYS OUT
yep and there’s Smokescreen, right on cue
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okay Horikoshi, I leave it in your hands. hopefully you can come up with some more interesting combos than my dumbass predictions lol
LOL THIS ISN’T A COMBO AT ALL
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“explosions solve everything” -- Horikoshi Kouhei, 2021. something something shockwave, something something handwave ta-da no more smoke. lol okay then
oh, ouch
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he would know, wouldn’t he. nice application of one of your many hard-earned life lessons, Kacchan
by the way you guys, just as an experiment, I’m going to try to anticipate some of the discourse this week in the hopes of preemptively addressing it and thus saving myself some time later on lol. so here’s our first test run!
ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “oh my god what a fucking hypocrite can you believe this fucking guy”
PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: it’s precisely because Kacchan has been in this exact situation himself that he’s able to recognize his past self in Deku now and call him out on it. just because it took him sixteen years to get it through his head that he can’t accomplish every single thing completely by himself doesn’t mean Deku has to go down that same path. so yeah, maybe it is a bit hypocritical, but if you insist that the only people qualified to call out stupid shit are people who have never done a single stupid thing in their own lives, then what you’re basically saying is that absolutely no one on earth is qualified lol. so yeah, I’d have to disagree
and one last unrelated note, I’m willing to bet the whole “you didn’t even say a word before you ran off” thing is possibly the first thing Kacchan’s said in this whole encounter that actually does stem from genuine hurt rather than his tough-love-harsh-truths strategy. I’M TAKING NOTES HERE HORIKOSHI. at this rate it’ll take twice as many chapters as DvK2 for them to hash out all the stuff between them, geez
anyway so I gotta say, so far Deku vs. Class A is looking an awful lot like a DvK3 wearing a hat, trenchcoat, and sunglasses lol
OH SHIT I TAKE IT BACK??
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FUCK YEAH, YOU GO KOUDA. and I guess he ditched his mask as well! excellent
so far the strategy here seems to be “Kacchan says all the mean tough love shit while the rest of 1-A balances it out with warmth and kindness”, which actually works pretty well imo. Deku is one of those people that doesn’t usually need a Kacchan Translator anyway, but just in case, this is very efficient
mm but of course Deku is slingshotting himself away with Blackwhip. all right then, who’s up next!
FUCK YEAH
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okay but seriously you guys, what is going on with Sero’s face in these last couple of chapters though, it’s really starting to unnerve me. is he trying to emulate Kacchan’s whole asymmetrical facial expressions thing?
in fact let me just quickly hit pause here because,
ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “SERO IS TOGA??!”
PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: no
oh snap looks like Jirou’s getting in on the action too!
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poor Jirou probably spent days racking her brain trying to think of something she could bond with Deku over. is Horikoshi doing these in reverse order of the kids who have had the most interaction with him? that would explain why poor Kouda didn’t get a flashback lol
omg. well that answers that
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so by my count, Satou and Hagakure are the only ones remaining in this first tier of kids who Still Appreciate Midoriya even though they’ve barely ever spoken two words to him in their lives lol. so they’ll probably be next, and then we’ll get to the next tier of kids who are pretty good friends with him but not quite besties. and then we’ll move on to the IidaRokiRaka trio, and then lastly, to the boy who is in a tier all his own
BUT FIRST, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR
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and by “sponsor” I mean the Dekuangst. just in case that wasn’t clear. indeed, many thanks to the Dekuangst for making this all possible
(ETA: okay so this whole “take me away” line seemed pretty weird to me, and sure enough it’s yet another one of those cases where only the verb is specified, and the object is left to the reader’s interpretation. so even though the translation says “take me away”, I’m pretty sure that what Deku’s actually saying is “take you away” -- as in, his loved ones will be taken away by AFO.
and that is literally the way he phrases it, though -- the verb used is “奪う” (ubau), meaning “to snatch away; to dispossess; to steal.” which, god, that hurts my whole goddamn heart though, because for him to say it like that?? not “AFO will kill you”, but “AFO will take you away from me.” he can’t have nice things anymore because of AFO. he can’t be around the people he loves because AFO will hurt them. he can’t have happiness because AFO will take it away from him. anyway so where the fuck is AFO right now, motherfucker I just want to talk.)
by the way can Ojiro just extend his tail to whatever fucking length he wants or what because it’s like twelve feet long in this panel lol
WOOO FUCK YEAH TOKOYAMI
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YOU LOVE TO SEE IT!! BUT WHERE’S YOUR FLASHBACK? YOU’VE HAD A BUNCH OF INTERACTIONS WITH HIM, THAT’S NOT FAIR
okay so now Satou’s stepping in which is back to my anticipated order, so maybe Toko will finish his little moment afterward
dskfjfkk
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“REMEMBER THAT TIME DEKU BORROWED SATOU’S FOOD COLORING” Horikoshi says, sweating. “AND REMEMBER THAT TIME HE, UM, SMILED IN HAGAKURE’S GENERAL DIRECTION”
actually I am curious about what Hagakure’s part will be because, you know, the whole traitor thing lol
(ETA: funny how we just skipped right over it huh. can we get a traitor reveal countdown started here? definitely getting close to that time.)
whoa lol wtf
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MOMO??? THIS HAS MOMO WRITTEN ALL OVER IT DAMMIT
-- SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK
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“SORRY MIDORIYA-SAN, I LEFT MY FUCKING CHILL AT HOME IN THE LOCKER NEXT TO IIDA’S HELMET” holy shit lmao
and here I thought she’d get a flashback to her time on the Baku Rescue Squad or something. but nope, no flashbacks from Momo, only terrifying sci-fi torture devices
poor Dark Shadow is such a trooper omg
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“why am I the only one who has to make prolonged contact with his smelly disgusting self” taking one for the team there DS
FUCK YEAH KAMINARI NO JUTSU
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THE PRICKLY BASTARD WHISPERER STRIKES AGAIN!! don’t suppose you brought any clean clothes you could sneakily force him into huh Kami
okay here we go, so now Shouji and Tokoyami are joining forces
um excuse me this is fucking awesome
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wonder how he’ll break free? don’t think he’ll reveal Fa Jin until the end of the chapter, so maybe Air Force or something? idk
TOKO GETS AN EXTENDED MOMENT BECAUSE HE IS A TIER TWO PATREON REWARD LEVEL FRIEND YAY
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WHY IS MOMO MAKING THIS FACE LOL YOUR THING WAS WAY WORSE
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and Shouji just casually hitting him with what is easily the best comment from anyone yet. too bad Deku’s just gonna ignore it. you deserve better Shouji
KAMINARI OMFG
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it only just occurred to me that Kami is currently trapped inside Dark Shadow right along with him lmao omg. realest one in the entirety of BnHA, right here. we will never forget your sacrifice
aaaaaaand Deku’s yeeting himself
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do you really hate the thought of taking a bath that much my dude
oh shit the mask!!
-- oh shit the feels
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o(TヘTo)
fuck. and I mean, we knew he was crying, that was a done deal. but still, to see him in this much pain is just...
and the acknowledgement that he knows they’re worried about him, but that it doesn’t change his mind one bit. this, right here, is why they have to be a bit harsh with him, you guys. because they’re up against the full, unbridled stubbornness of Midoriya fucking Izuku, and if they don’t match that stubbornness with an equal stubbornness of their own, they basically don’t stand a chance
(ETA: quick note that there is apparently another mistranslation here -- rather than saying that his friends are oblivious to the danger, what Deku is actually saying is that none of his friends have activated his Danger Sense once throughout this entire fight. which I had been wondering about, and it turns out Horikoshi actually confirmed it. so basically none of the kids bears any ill intent toward him, and there’s literal proof right there.
incidentally, as @class1akids​ pointed out, this also casts an interesting light on this chapter in terms of who hasn’t fought Deku yet. not to play the Hagakure Traitor Music for the billionth time you guys, but I’M JUST SAYING lol.)
anyway, but the good news is that they all seem to understand that. and the even better news is that we have reached the tier 3 friends!!
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“OR ELSE” lol, great to see Shouto wielding his friendship just as aggressively as Deku once did towards him. I do love a good role reversal
p.s., ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “why is Shouto being so cruel to Deku can’t he see how hard this is on him”
PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: this is a callback to the classic “even heroes cry when they have to” Shouto line from chapter 137. Shouto is clearly following Kacchan’s lead here and going for the more ruthless approach, knowing that the gentle approach isn’t getting through to him (if anything it’s only making him more stubborn as we saw on the previous page). basically it’s his way of pointing out that even heroes are still only human, and so is Deku last time he checked
ah okay, and there Tsuyu is at last
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okay real talk, I get why Tsuyu is included in the tier 3 friends, because she was one of the first people to team up with Deku going all the way back to USJ. but that said, this probably would have had more impact if their most recent interaction hadn’t been like 150 chapters ago
but anyway though it’s still a good speech. maybe not quite a cliffhanger-level speech, but a good speech nonetheless. in a way though, I’m glad to see that Horikoshi seemingly didn’t give a fuck whether he ended this on an actual cliffhanger or not for once
and that “headed toward the climax” part has me excited too, ngl. because if we really are getting to the so-called climax this soon, that makes me even more certain that there is indeed a DvK3 in the forecast. so I presume that next week (or I guess two weeks from now) will be the tier 3s along with the remaining tier 2s like Kirishima and Aoyama
and then after that, well... [orange and green banners being hoisted] [sound of screeching airhorns and vuvuzelas in the distance] [sound of All Might approaching in his car which I didn’t notice until I looked back at this page a second time whoops] THE PROPHECY WILL NOT BE DENIED
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argylemikewheeler · 3 years
Text
July 1st, 1985
what the first ep of (my) s3 would look like if the main concept was: both Steve and Will are gay in 1985’s Summer of Love and the town’s enemy is a little more human; loving friendships, very confused adults, and Will Byers Actually Getting Help
“Harrington!”
“Yes, sir.” Steve looked up from his desk. He dropped his crossword and looked to be at attention; the police station’s phone wasn’t ringing, though, so there wasn’t really anything he should have been doing. Hopper stepped out of his office, angling himself toward the door rather than Steve’s desk island.
“Do you think you’ll be able to-- Harrington, what are you doing?” Hopper caught sight of the pocket thesaurus sitting on his desk (the last name written on the inside cover not belonging to Steve, of course). Hopper fixed his sunglasses on the edge of his nose, looking over them and down at Steve.
“I’m just, uh, working on my vocabulary.” Steve said. Hopper blinked twice, waiting. Steve wasn’t going to say the truth: he was dating-- well seeing someone-- way smarter than him. This wasn’t for joy or boredom. He was studying to impress. “It’s college prep, sir.”
“The crossword?” The chief evened his stare. “This your old man’s suggestion?” Of all the things Steve’s father was telling him to do with himself, he  wished  some of it was simply pecking at a crossword over a twelve hour shift.  Fucking off  and  being a better piece of shit son  just wasn’t feasible to accomplish in one summer.
“He swears by it.”
“Okay, well. Uh, moving on from that,” Hopper grabbed his hat from the coat rack. The topic of Steve’s father always made Hopper stiffen up; it was definitely the main reason Hopper gave Steve his job at the station, but it still created more questions. Steve knew Hopper and his father went to high school together, but he never asked his father about those years-- beyond his baseball glory stories. “I’ve got plans tonight and I need to head out early. Can you handle things on your own for a while. At least until the night shift comes in?”
“I’ll be fine.” Steve made sure not to acknowledge the crossword on his desk as he nodded. He was really good at his job, he was. He was also just, unfortunately, still a pretty shitty boyfriend and needed all the vocab help he could get. “What’s the pressing story?”
“I have dinner.” Hopper was already trying to walk out the door. “So  don’t  call me. For the love of God.”
“Oh, don’t worry, Chief. I--” Steve was sure it was the cool July wind that slammed the door on the last half of his sentence. Not Hopper. “won’t... Have a good time, I guess.”
The police station was empty: it was another boring and wonderfully quiet Monday in Hawkins. There’d been some calls to break up disturbances at city hall in the past few days, but somehow everyone just seemed to agree that Mondays-- the longest shift of Steve's whole week-- was the day everyone went about their quietest day.
There were a few officers milling in and out of the back lounge and front door, casting a quick glance to Steve as he muttered and threatened fourteen down and six across. Nancy had been helping close the gaps of his post-high school education-- without knowing just what for-- but had been picking up most hours at the Post to try and elbow her way into their good graces; it put his tutoring on hold. So here he was, groaning at some clues about classical artists he’d never heard of.
There were other reasons Steve was sure the other officers thought he was odd-- things he was  sure  his father had passed along in spitting rants-- but Steve didn’t mind. No one said anything to his face.
“Hey Flo! Is, uh, is Steve here?” The question was asked with the answer already in mind.
Steve sat up in his chair, twisting around to see down the hall to the back entrance to the station. There weren’t many parking spots to fill, but he knew a certain someone who preferred it to street parking.
“Jonathan?”
“Oh, I hear him. Thanks-- hey!” Jonathan hurried out from the hall, his camera bumping against his stomach and bag slapping against his leg in the same rhythm. He’d gotten a new haircut recently: semi-wonky bangs and a closer cut in the back. All thanks to Steve’s peer pressure and Mrs. Byers’s kitchen shears.
“What are you doing here?”
“Sorry to stop by your work like this--” he lowered his voice as he stopped at the corner of Steve’s desk. “I know we said we wouldn’t do that, but we got an extra muffin in the lunch order and I know you’re always starving after a Monday shift so.” Jonathan produced a folded brown paper bag from his satchel. “Here.”
“Oh, thanks.” Steve wanted to say so much more, but had to settle. No more. None of what they’d decided they wouldn’t say. Not until the summer had ended. They wanted to see if they lasted longer than the convenience of loose summer schedules.
“Won’t I see you, uh, later, though?” At eight, when Steve got sent home he always drove straight to Jonathan’s. Jonathan started late on Tuesdays and Steve had off; they had the time to waste. “Or is this your way of telling me to stay home?”
“No! No we’re still... hanging out.” Jonathan had gotten really good at cooking and treated Steve to weekly dinner. It was a nice gesture at first, but Steve started growing fond of the company. They both did around mid-June. “But, I think Mike’s going to be over so. Be  cool , alright? Keep it cool.”
“Cool, got it.” Steve leaned back in his chair. He moved his papers to leave a corner of his desk for Jonathan to sit on. No one was in the main office; it was a harmless invitation.
“I have to get going...” It sounded like an excuse, a dive for safety. “And I’m sure you have, um,  puzzles  to do?” Jonathan pretended not to be endeared. He tried, he really did. He  failed , but Steve pretended he didn’t notice.
“Don’t want to sit and help me figure out the title of Mozart’s last opera?” He patted the desk, daring to be more direct.
“I really have to go.” Jonathan was genuine, looking at his watch. “The Post only let me out early today because I have to go pick up Will from his doctor’s appointment.”
“Wait.” Steve put the cap back on his pen. “Isn’t Will’s therapy on Wednesday?”
“Yeah, but with Mom’s schedule and the store being all weird-- we had to move it to today. And you know we typically have a family night after-- so he feels okay, you know-- but we  can’t  . So,  that’s why Mike’s coming over. Hopefully they’ll be idiots and tire Will out and he’ll sleep okay.” Tension rose in Jonathan’s voice quickly, explaining his day as if going over a laundry list; never rehearsing it but having it memorized.
“I can stay home if you need time, Jonathan.”
“No, really. I want you to come over.” Jonathan sighed and placed his hand on the emptied spot on Steve’s desk. “Besides, you can’t break tradition after a little over  one month , then it was just a weird habit.”
Steve Harrington did not consider his summer fling a w  eird habit . If anything, it was the most sensical thing he’d done in a very long time. Even after getting rejected from all his colleges, and never hearing the end of his father’s lectures, 1985 had been very kind to him. And that was mostly due to Jonathan’s inherent nature to be the same.
“I’ll see you after eight.” Steve smiled and reached for his hand-- but averted to grab a piece of memo paper by the phone.
“I’m sorry to leave in a rush.” Jonathan hitched his bag up, checking his watch again. “I just, I really need to get going.”
“Don’t worry. The muffin is  more  than enough.” Steve said. “And seeing you wasn’t too bad either.”
“Slow day, huh?” Jonathan said. The corner of his mouth quirked with a flattered, embarrassed smile. Steve tried to act nonchalant, like he wasn’t so goddamn relieved to see a familiar and happy face. Especially  his  familiar and happy face. “Well, good thing I have another surprise for you.”
“You can barely fit your camera in that bag, what could you possibly-- hey!” Steve missed grabbing Jonathan’s arm as he walked away, heading for the front door. “Where are you going?” Jonathan kept walking, checking his watch the whole way. “Hello?”
“Delivered right on time.” Jonathan pushed the front door open to the station-- but was nearly knocked over as a green  dash  barreled through it.
"Steve! Steve! Steve!” The dash was suddenly grabbing him by the shoulders. “You got the job!”
“Henderson! Oh my god! You’re back!” In an unlikely impulse, Steve grabbed Dustin in a hug, taking advantage of the change of height. “Holy shit, I nearly forgot! First of the month!”
“See you, Steve.” Jonathan walked across the room to the back entrance again. His hand braced the back of Steve’s chair, brushing across his shoulders.
“O-Okay! Yeah, see you!” Steve sputtered, losing his reminded  cool  in an instant. “Bye.”
Dustin pulled away slowly. “What was that?” It looked like  everyone  was too smart for Steve.
“Nothing. He brought me a surprise lunch-- which was an  obvious decoy to the main event! You! How are you, buddy? How was camp?”
“Oh, it was fantastic. Steve, I  have  to show you all my inventions! Camp was the  best  four weeks  of  my  life .” Dustin hopped up onto the corner of his desk. His heels tapped against the empty metal drawers. He was jittery, nearly uncontainable, but still so composed-- if only to be focused all on Steve.
Steve held his hands out, letting him start. “Lay it on me, Henderson! I want to hear everything. I missed you like crazy.”
“Well, first, obviously. I have to tell you about my girlfriend--”
“Whoa! Whoa!  Girlfriend  ? That fast?” Steve hadn’t been expecting any of his dating advice to work. It had been coming from such a poor and confused part of himself, Steve figured it was destined to fail. Apparently, it was just  Steve  that was-- when flirting with women at least. “Damn, there’s something in you after all!”
“She’s  super  smart, Steve. I’ve never met any girl like her. She’s a genius and she’s so pretty. God, I miss her already-- and I  just  saw her.”
Steve looked over his shoulder. He knew the feeling. “That’s great, man. I mean, I’m super happy for you. Like, that’s  crazy . That’s freaking awesome.”
“So what about you? How are the ladies? I mean, you work for the  Chief  now. All the ladies you could need and more, am I right?”
Steve used to be really good at this part of the lie, but with Dustin it felt cheap. He didn’t need to lie to him, but that was the deal; no matter how much that person was Steve’s best and most beloved friend, their secret was a dead-bolt, vaulted secret.
“Eh, not too great. Only girl my own age I see-- besides Nancy, really-- is the night-shift girl, Robin. But she’s not really-- we’re just friends. She’s alright. Leaves me weird drawings in the memo pad.”
“Ooo, she sounds cool.” Dustin raised his eyebrows. “Do you know her from school?”
“Yeah, we didn’t really run in the same crowds but-- it’s not like that, man. It’s really not.” Steve started unwrapping his lunch. “It’s so not like that with Robin.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m not...  looking  at the moment.”
Steve had originally decided to not go looking for trouble. After he and Nancy split in the beginning of his senior year, he didn’t start looking for an immediate replacement. The illusion of thinking he was in love with Nancy-- capable of being in love with Nancy-- was a hard thing to have come crumbling down. Steve needed time to get his own bearings, to put his feet firmly on the ground, and have them lifted off when his father grabbed him by the lapels and--
Steve hadn’t gone looking for trouble. Hadn’t gone looking for love either. But somehow, both seemed to find him.
Jonathan was late. He usually wasn’t but Will was trying not to be worried. It was a different day than usual and he knew how awful Jonathan’s boss and co-workers were. Will tried not to be worried-- he wasn't. It was just that he had spent an hour talking about the night his father left their family; standing outside the doctor’s office was a bit nerve-wracking. It felt too familiar, even with all the talking and note-scribbling.
Finally, Jonathan’s car pulled into the lot. He was speeding, as much as his car  could  speed: he knew he was late, which made Will feel a little bit better. No one had forgotten him. It was just traffic or his bosses or maybe just hitting all the red lights. As Jonathan stopped in front of the curb and waved Will in, Will could see he was jittery-- he was  upset  that he was late. Will felt bad for counting the minutes.
Not that he did it out of impatience or anything. Will just formed the habit after getting his new watch. It matched Mike’s. Completely on accident, of course.
“Hey, buddy! Sorry I’m late. I was-- I had to run an errand really fast. How long were you waiting.” He moved his bag and threw it onto the backseat. Will would’ve held it on his lap.
“I wasn’t keeping track.” Will said, climbing into the passenger seat. Will wanted to ask if his bag had Jonathan’s camera in it. If everything was okay. He didn’t. It seemed like Jonathan had been in his therapy with Will, just as shaken up. “It’s okay. Thanks for getting me.”
Jonathan waited until Will put on his seat belt. “Of course. We’re always here to pick you up. Therapy is important; you have to go.”
Will laughed before he could stop himself. “You sound like Mom.”  Why?
“Because she’s right.” Therapy was still kind of weird to Will-- since  no one else  in his grade had to do it-- but he humored his family. It was helping, if he had to admit it. But it was still embarrassing sometimes.
His therapist, Dr. Bright--  Rose Marie, as she insisted on being called-- was a send-out from the Lab, but disguised within a private practice just outside of town. She was able to listen to Will talk about what he saw and felt during his time with the Mind Flayer without trying to commit him. Almost nothing was off limits. Almost nothing.
Will checked his watch again.
“Are you excited to see Mike tonight?” The question was pointed, but Will wasn’t sure why it made him nervous. “I mean, I feel like I haven’t seen him in a bit.”
“Oh, yeah. He’s always with El.”
Will was sure they  weren’t  dating. El was just on a year-long stint of self-discovery and, besides Max, Mike was the person she trusted the most to help make as many helpful mistakes as possible. He bought her books to read and new music to try. It was really sweet, seeing Mike take such big strides toward helping their friend. But there was also a part of Will that felt dejected:  his  sort of help had to be prescribed and couldn’t be replaced with a warm laugh from one Mike Wheeler.
Will was sick while his friends were growing.
“Is there something wrong?” Jonathan used to ask the question like Will was one trembling lip away from crying-- but this time, he asked it like Will had his hand on the door, seconds from jumping out. “Will, are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Will nodded. “I’m fine. Just-- I talked a lot today and I’m tired.”
“Do you want to cancel with Mike--”
“No.” Will had been looking forward to having time with Mike--  just  Mike-- for a whole week. He wanted to sit on his floor with his best friend and be a kid again. Just for the night-- maybe draw some of Mike’s old campaigns or sketch out an idea for his own. He just wanted to remember something good about the past four years. After his hour with Dr. Bright, it all felt painful. Like his childhood naivety had been broken and every conversation he overheard in his house dripped with venom and disdain.
Will didn’t like picturing his house that way. It was a place that loved and raised him, a place he felt safe. He didn’t like thinking the conversations he heard being screamed through the walls were trapped in the drywall.
His arms felt heavy and his chest felt like it was made of metal-- he kept tasting it in his mouth. Will leaned back against the seat and reached for the radio. Jonathan turned it down before Will had even changed the station.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I just want to see Mike.” Will said, his mouth too honest and his mind shrouded in guilt. “I just want to see my friend.”
“Okay. Okay.” Jonathan nodded somewhat somberly. “I understand. Let’s go pick him up. He’s at his house right? Not El’s-- o-or The Sinclair’s or anything?”
“No. He’s at his.” Will crossed his arms and tried to find the loose string-- the thing that could uncoil Jonathan’s still-tightening anxiety. “Are you still dating Nancy?”
Jonathan turned to look at Will, nearly crashing the car. That was the wrong string. “What?”
“Nancy? Are you still dating her?”
“I was never dating Nancy.” Jonathan laughed, shaking his head. “I’m not dating Mike’s sister, don’t worry.” The clarification was strange and felt off-topic. Like Jonathan was trying to talk about something else.
“I thought you were. You guys hung out a lot during school.” Will heard her voice through the walls too. Always gentle, never yelling. Except when she was losing at playing cards. Then she shouted.
“She was helping me pass chemistry. That’s all.” Jonathan turned the radio up a little. Will checked his watch. “And then she helped me apply to the Post internship-- she’s great at writing papers, did you know that? A real wordsmith. Is Mike a writer too?”
He was, he  really  was. Grammatically, Will ran out of red pens trying to help, but creatively? Will envied Mike’s ability. “I don’t know. We don’t really talk about that kind of stuff like you two do… Since you two are dating.”
“We’re  not .” Jonathan laughed. Will took advantage of an upcoming stop sign to lean forward and look at his brother’s crimson face. “We’re not, Will, okay? We’re really not. I’d tell you.”
“You’d tell me?”
“Of course! I’d tell you if I… I had a girlfriend. Which I don’t!” He stayed at the stop sign for a bit too long. “Do you?”
There was an option to play dumb, to make Jonathan ask more directly:  do you have a girlfriend, Will ? but it sounded far more painful than being honest, than being as lonely as he was.
“No. I don’t.”
“And you’d tell me. If you were dating someone?” Jonathan looked at Will, hopeful but scarcely so. “You’ll tell me if anything big happens in your life?”
“Yeah.” There wouldn’t be anything happening at all that summer, that was for  damn sure . “Absolutely.”
Steve had about seventy percent of his puzzle done-- fifty of which was because Dustin was an unstoppable genius with no tolerance for Steve’s careful pace. It was just about quarter past seven, and Steve’s back was getting sore from sitting in his chair all day. He only liked sitting when it was in his car, on his way to the Byers's House, careful, of course, to obey all traffic laws.
Steve was packing his crosswords and pens up in the top drawer of his desk when something clattered the back door open. Steve grabbed a pen and whipped around in his seat, as if to wield it like a weapon.
“Hello? Who’s there?”
“Hey dingus.” Luckily, Steve couldn’t even see Robin yet-- or rather, she couldn’t see him or his emphasized eye roll. She could hear him groan though. “Hey, shut up and quit whining. I’m sending you home early.”
Her head popped out from the hallway. Robin’s ponytail was high on her head, the hair flopping over and getting caught in her stringy bangs. She flung her backpack out from behind her and tossed it toward Steve. She wasn’t in her uniform yet, only wearing the buttoned up shirt-- unbuttoned and showing her torn and dyed shirt underneath. She was wearing jogging shorts, her knees torn up and covered with Band-Aids. They reminded Steve of the ones taped to his face after getting a plate smashed into his forehead. Deceivingly cheerful.
“What are you doing here early?” Steve stood and followed her, holding her backpack awkwardly in his hands. “You’re  never  early.” Eight on the dot. Every time.
“I figure you want to get out of here tonight.” She didn’t even stop to look at Steve as they walked into the back room. “Probably want to see your boyfriend.”
Her words weren’t sharp, but Steve still recoiled. He let his arms, and her bag, hang by his sides.
“Who? Jonathan?” The only way Jonathan and Robin had ever met was in the hallways of Hawkins High. She definitely never saw them interact at the station-- or on any of their nights together: they were always indoors. “He’s  not my boyfriend.”
“First off, I didn't even say a name." Shit. "Second, he came in the other day looking for you.” Robin started buttoning her shirt up, fixing the collar as she finally turned to see Steve. “He was really upset-- didn’t even know what time it was to know you weren’t working.”
“Upset?” Technically, it wasn’t Steve’s problem. It was the deal; they didn’t  have  to care about each other’s lives. It was just summer. It was just like any other summer.
“Yeah. Crying, sniffling, snot-- the whole nine, man.” Robin sounded extremely sympathetic despite beginning to change her pants. Steve whipped around, covering his face. “You should go see him. Make sure he’s okay. Be a good boyfriend... shithead.”
“He’s  not--”
“Steve, I’m the last person you should be arguing with.” Robin laughed-- and it was only momentarily threatening. Until, of course, Steve realized what she meant.
Like all good secrets kept at Hawkins PD, Steve kept his mouth shut and nodded even if she wasn’t looking.
“Yes, sir--ma'am-- Robin.”
“So, are you going to go or what, dingus?” She tapped him on the shoulder. “Get out of here-- and tell me all about it Wednesday.”
Steve blinked at her, holding out her bag. As if it was enough thanks to give her back her own property. “Are we… friends, or something?”
“No, of course not.” She winked, slapping his arm. “Just looking out for one of my own.”
After picking Mike up from his house, they drove home in uncharacteristic chatter. Jonathan was the only one speaking, humming along to the radio. Will was exhausted beyond performative small talk; the type that had to be done between two best friends when a third party was present. Mike was great at just sitting with Will in silence, but Jonathan didn’t know that. Instead, the three of them passed around quiet jokes and laughter, answering questions about their friends for Jonathan’s upkeep of information.
Once they got in the house, Jonathan let them wander off into Will’s room as he started pulling pots out of the kitchen cabinets. He wouldn’t bother or pester them about any summer work, either. They would be left alone in their own coupled silence.
Mike was sitting cross-legged on Will’s floor, twisting one of Will's crayons between his fingers. Will needed new ones but he felt funny asking for them as a near-freshman in high school. He liked the glide of wax on paper compared to the scrape of colored pencils. Well, that and the fact he ruined half of his crayons the year prior making a full map of Hawkins in a fugue state and only had two crayons able to be used normally.
“You had doctor stuff today, right?”
Will was digging under his bed for his emptier sketch book. “Yeah. Therapy.  Doctor  doctor stuff was two weeks ago.”
“How was it?” Mike let his hand still and rest in his lap. “Like, what do you do in therapy? Just start talking?”
“Yeah, but it’s more than that. You have to think about stuff too. Doctors ask you questions, sometimes.” Will pulled back and drug his old drawing supplies along the carpet. He sat back on his heels and was able to see Mike over the top of the bed. He didn’t know Will was looking. “You have to have answers.”
“What do they ask about?” Mike kept looking at his hands, unaware of Will. “Upside down stuff?”
“Sometimes.” Will shuffled back around to Mike's side of the bed. He could feel the tiniest bit of rug burn starting. “She asked me about my dad today.”
Mike looked up, almost immediately. “Can she do that?”
“Why can’t she?” Will popped the lid on the retired Tupperware, now his art bin. “I talked about it.”
“I thought you didn’t like to.” Will had never said those words which meant Mike had gathered it from just observing him. “Did you… like talking about it?”
“Not really.” Will laughed. He found a few extra crayons, but of all the wrong colors. “She had this big speech afterward about learned helplessness that I… really didn’t like.” Will tried to keep laughing.
Mike put the crayon back in the bin. “Are you okay, Will?”
“Yeah. It’s just… the same old stuff.” Will shrugged. “Sometimes it just bothers me more than other days.”
Mike bit the inside of his cheek, picking at his words carefully. “You never talk about your dad, Will.”
“Why would I?”
“Because it bothers you. You can talk about anything you want-- I… I would listen.”
“You don’t have to listen to it just because it happened to me, you know. My therapist says you don’t have to experience things with me for them to be real.”
“But I want to know.” Mike looked insulted, almost crushed and collapsed as he sat back on his hands. “That’s your dad,” he said. “And you’re my friend.”
They sat in silence for a while. Mike went back to studying a new crayon, picking at the wrapper. Will felt something forming in his throat. A bubble that was hot, thick and sticky. Not vomit, but not impending tears either.
“I don’t get why he left.” Will said. “I don’t know what happened to our family.”
“Nothing happened. Maybe he just… wasn’t good at being your dad anymore.”
“But then why? What did I do?” Will didn’t want to ask Mike, make him feel responsible for answering, but Will was desperate to ask the universe again.
“Nothing.” Mike said. “I just think he…”
“He what? My dad got tired of me? Didn’t want to raise me?”
“Maybe he actually learned how to take a hint and knew he wasn’t good enough for you and Jonathan-- or your mom.” Mike wanted to be hopeful, to be positive, so badly. He ached, his smile tight and weak. He didn't have the answers, and who was Will to put him in the position to come up with them.
“So he gave up.” Will said.
“That’s not what I meant--”
“I know. I know… That’s just how it feels.” Will shrugged. He smiled at Mike, accepting his help and his warmth. It hurt knowing that Mike was wrong, but still. Will could always pretend a little longer. Anything for Mike.
“Hey! You monsters hungry?” Steve clapped his hands together before gently tapping the door. “Jonathan’s got dinner on the table.”
The door was open. Steve didn’t have to knock. He wanted to, just to prove he wasn’t  too  comfortable, but he also knew Mike was over. And knocking would announce his entrance rather than letting it just be something that just  was  . Rather than being  cool .
Awkwardly and with a lot of weird, throat-clearing fanfare, Steve opened the Byers’s front door and poked his head inside. Jonathan called him in from the kitchen without even needing to say hello, or being surprised by his walking in:  In here, Steve! Dinner’s almost done .
Steve walked through the living room carefully, as if he’d disturb it. There was a tape playing softly-- some band Steve’s never heard of, but didn’t hate. He’d grown to like the way that every song played in the Byers house was always moody and melancholy. The music was always the opposite of how he felt stepping into the kitchen.
Jonathan was at the stove, stirring a pot of something that smelled delicious. He had what looked to be tomato sauce stains on the front of his shirt-- where he wrapped his hand up to open the sauce jar. Steve was able to hide his smile as he shouldered off his uniform jacket and toed off his shoes, claiming a chair at the kitchen table.
“How was work?” Jonathan didn’t stop stirring. He moved like the stove was turned all the way up and he was afraid of burning the food. He spoke that way too.
“It was fine. Not a whole lot.” Steve didn’t want to have anything seem bigger than whatever upset Jonathan-- and seemed to still be upsetting him now. “How was your day?”
“Fine. Will and Mike are in the other room.” He was checking things off his list. Steve stepped up to Jonathan and stood even with him at the stove. He was making one-pot pasta. It really did smell fantastic. Steve was so hungry, even after his lunch.
“How was… the other things in your day? Develop any good pictures?” Steve covered how stupid he sounded by placing his hand on Jonathan’s lower back.
Jonathan stopped stirring and looked at him. Steve tried to keep cool, tried not to show his motives-- his attempt to calm something he couldn’t believe he’d missed spinning out of control, even if he didn’t know what it was. “Nancy walked into the dark room today-- she’s actually the one who gave me the muffin-- and she exposed the photos to light too early. So no, actually.”
Steve really was a bad boyfriend. Even when he wasn’t one yet-- or at all.
“Okay… how was. Everything else?”
“You don’t have to ask about my day, Steve. It’s okay.” Jonathan sighed and spoke evenly. “I’m just a little tired. Really. We don’t have to do the whole…  thing .”
The whole thing where Steve was explicit about how much he really cared about Jonathan and admitted he was sincerely and terrifyingly in love with Jonathan.
“I was asking because I was curious. Not out of obligation.” Steve clarified. His hand slid to rest on Jonathan’s hip. He moved closer, lips aiming to place a commitment-less kiss on his cheek.
“Steve! I said to keep it  cool .” Jonathan ducked back, placing a hand on Steve’s chest. “I don’t want Will to see us.”
“Your brother?” Steve was surprised; of all people Jonathan explicitly wanted to hide from Will seemed kind and forgiving-- not that there was anything  to  forgive, but it was something Steve often checked for. Steve was sure that one of Dustin’s friends would be… like Steve. Or like Jonathan-- maybe. All of them seemed prepared to deal with any of their friends suddenly being different. Far more prepared than Steve ever was.
“Yes. My brother.” Jonathan snapped, banging the spoon against the edge of the pot. “I don’t want him to learn I’m not dating Nancy but  instead  seeing her ex-boyfriend in the same day.” he whispered.
“Wait, what? He thinks you’re with Nancy?” Steve wasn’t sure where they went wrong. They were trying to  obscure  the truth, not lead everyone to a different reality. “D-Do you think Mike does too?”
“I don’t know! I didn’t want to ask and seem weird.” Jonathan sighed again. He sounded tense again. “I told Will I’d tell him if I was seeing anyone… And he promised me the same.”
Steve knew not to press the obvious question-- well   are  you seeing someone, Jonathan?  -- but also didn’t want to touch the obvious implication that Will  needed  to share a secret with Jonathan. Instead, he placed his hands into his pockets and turned to lean against the counter.
“Dinner smells really good, Byers.” There was another name that began with “B” that Steve wasn’t allowed to use, but always wanted to. Byers Byers Byers. Baby baby baby. “Thank you, again, for cooking for me-- for us.”
“You think I’m going to let you starve?” His stirring slowed; the stove cooled down. He nudged Steve’s arm with the spoon. “You coming home late and trying to cook? You mean half-drinking a beer and falling asleep face down on your bed in your uniform, half unbuttoned.”
“You picture that often, Byers?” Steve lifted an eyebrow. “Hm?”
“Don’t flatter yourself.” Jonathan’s lips quirked into a smile again. “But, if you’d like a beer, I think there’s one in the fridge. No one in the house is going to touch it.”
“I can go ask Will if he wants it.”
“Shut up-- do you want it or not?”
“No.” Steve didn’t like drinking when they were together. He’d never really heard the full story about where Mr. Byers went, but he had a father of his own to make those blank spaces fill pretty fast. “But thanks. Don’t want the habit of needing a beer to forget how boring my job is.”
“I thought you liked your job?” Jonathan took a piece of pasta out of the pot and held it out for Steve to test.
He chewed and answered. “I do! It’s nice to have normal hours-- and I’m happy to help have replacements as Flo gets ready to retire but… I don’t know. Sometimes it feels  boring .”
“Would you rather be chasing down a four-legged monster without a face?” Jonathan let out a bubble of genuine laughter, playfully glaring at Steve.
“Frankly, yes! At least we’d all have something to do. I feel like I don’t see everyone anymore.”
“Then throw a party. Don’t wish for anything bad to happen.” Jonathan said firmly. “Let the record show my brother is a very strange magnet for all this… weird shit.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Steve said solemnly. He put his hand on Jonathan’s forearm. “I wish we were all safely doing something exciting. It felt nice to be needed, even if no one knew it was us.”
Jonathan put the spoon down on the counter and pivoted to be looking only at Steve. There was something resting just on the tip of his tongue, just under the surface of their conversation. It would’ve been a digression-- Steve could tell by Jonathan’s tense and furrowed brow-- but he would’ve listened.
“Jonathan?” Steve squeezed his arm, lifting his eyebrows. “What is it?”
“I--” He clenched his jaw, trying to swallow his words. “I think--” Steve knew there was no end to Jonathan’s sentence; merely starting it meant there was trust between them. A careful admission through omission. Steve knew Jonathan was looking at his shoes and wouldn’t be seen as he took in the secret flinches of Jonathan’s face. The crinkle by his left eye, the twitch of his mouth, double blinking--
They both jumped apart as the phone started ringing, practically shaking on the wall. Jonathan stepped away from Steve and left everything unsaid. Again.
Jonathan tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder as he turned to lean against the wall.
“Hello? This is--” His face changed sharply, his eyebrows furrowing. “I told you to stop bothering us. You’re lucky she’s not here to pick up the phone-- I don’t  care !” Jonathan cleared his throat and looked at Steve in a flash of uncertainty and anxiety. “I have the police here right now and if you don’t stop calling me I will send them to your house-- it’s not a threat if you’re the one bothering us. Stop. Calling.” He slammed the phone down and braced his weight against the wall with his other hand.
“Am I considered ‘the police’ now?” Steve said lightly. It was his way of letting Jonathan know he was listening, but not asking direct questions. “I’m not even allowed to have a badge.”
“It counts.” Jonathan said, letting his arms fall down by his sides. Steve stepped over and kept stirring dinner.
“Who was that?”
“No one. Can you go get the boys in the other room? Dinner’s ready.” Jonathan pushed Steve aside to hunch over the stove again.
“Sure.” Steve nodded, knowing he wasn’t seen. “Hey! You monsters hungry? Jonathan’s got dinner on the table.”
Dinner felt weird.
Will couldn’t help but feel like he and Mike had gotten into a fight. Talking about his dad made anything feel sticky, feel like it was violent or volatile. A second from snapping or tearing off, bouncing around the walls and echoing in Will's body. A small conversation between friends-- actually a little  understanding  between  best  friends-- felt like it had been a screaming match, all because it was cut off. There was no apology from Will. He didn't have the chance to tie it all up with an  I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, forget I said anything.
His plea sat heavy on his tongue as he talked to Steve-- who had arrived without notice-- and let Mike make him laugh so hard he nearly shot water out his nose. Will let it all happen under the tremor, the ache, of an apology. And maybe, if he was the best brother and friend he should’ve been, no problems or therapy, it would be enough of an apology.
He wasn't hungry and only ate half his serving of pasta, even though it was usually his favorite of Jonathan's recipes. He did apologize for that though, and it felt right to say aloud. Even if it was misdirected and no one heard it.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so so sorry. Please come back--
Mike wasn’t tired, Will knew, but he still wanted to go to bed right after their horror movie ended. It was clear Mike hadn't been paying attention to the movie; the entire plot was that dreams were a new horror-scape for monsters to get teenagers. It wasn't too scary to Will; it just felt familiar. The villain looked different, more human, but Will knew what it felt like to dream while wide awake. To watch and be unable to do anything but scratch at the surface--
Convincing Will to get ready for bed, Mike said they’d have all day in the morning. He said that maybe he could convince his mom to let him stay over again if they don’t get all their fun in. Will knew Mike's mom probably would, if only because she felt bad for Will. But he would take the pity. A sleepover wasn't the worst thing to get from pity.
Will could still hear Mike fidgeting in his sleeping bag. He was rubbing his feet together like a cricket and twisting his wristwatch. The plastic scratched the sheer material of his sleeping bag rhythmically: back and forth. back and forth. backandforthbackandforth. It was like Mike was counting the ticks of his silent digital watch. Will began to play with his own watch, keeping it on in bed only because he'd noticed Mike hadn't removed it when they were brushing their teeth that night; apparently the watch was too good to part with.
Time though, was something Will wished he could separate himself from. He could hear the seconds scraping by now. Every moment he kept his friend awake and bored because Will was too weak or (rather and) too  everything  to stay up late again.
Therapy hadn’t even been that bad. Not really. Maybe it could be exhausting but it didn’t count because Will sat in the same spot for an hour. It wasn’t real work. It shouldn’t have counted. Will should’ve been able to hang out with his friend until sunrise, getting in trouble with his mom for being up so late. He should’ve still been a stupid, carefree kid, not a by-gone troubled teenager.
Maybe his dad had seen that from the beginning. Will's dad was always gambling, betting on baseball games he had these incredible "feelings" on. Sometimes he was wrong, but when he was right it was an amazing prediction; having the foresight no one else had. And maybe that was what it was, leaving them when he did. Maybe he saw Will wouldn’t be the second son he wanted after all. Maybe he knew of all the damage that would be done to him, the damage he would cause. Probably saw it from miles-- years-- away. And he left without a single warning to any of it.
What if his father had known? Could've known where he was when he came back into town two years ago? Not gone forever just in the lights. Just out of reach, just through the wall, Dad. What if he had known, been able to see, able to know, but wanted to leave Will Down there being possessed and enveloped and consumed and--
Will felt a chill scurry down his back. The feeling almost had legs. Too many. He felt ice cold, his body going blank-- not numb, but  blank -- for a second. He couldn’t feel his fingers, but could still feel every inch of his body, suddenly pulsing and seizing.
"Will?" Mike asked, sitting up. He gripped the end of the bed and pulled his face closer to Will's. He squinted in the darkness, feeling for Will’s hand. Will couldn’t answer, his jaw tense and breath rattling out of him. "Will, what’s wrong?"
After a (thankfully) non-awkward dinner, Steve and Jonathan washed all the dishes and let the boys watch whatever movie they wanted. Steve didn’t pay attention to what tape he put in the VRC. He was too busy thinking about the hands hidden in the warm soapy water in the kitchen sink. Neither Mike nor Will seemed too bothered by the  disgusting  amount of blood or the scary blade man on the TV. He felt no regret letting them go to bed right after the credits rolled. Jonathan had looked exhausted after putting the last dish away, and dozed off during the climax of the movie-- even slept through the high-pitched screaming.
They waited for the sound of Will’s door closing over before they got into bed.
Jonathan flopped onto his back, a pillow resting between his chest and crossed arms. Steve laid on his side, bracing his weight on his elbow. He poked at Jonathan's furrowed eyebrow lightly.
"What's the problem, Byers?"
"Nothing."
"You are not a really great liar, you do know that right?" That and Steve could still hear Robin's blasé recounting of Jonathan's distress.  Yeah. Crying, sniffling, snot-- the whole nine, man.
Jonathan sighed and turned to look at Steve. He hated being called out. "It's about Will."
"What's wrong with Will? He seemed alright at dinner."
"Yeah, but," Another sigh. "Steve, I think my brother’s gay."
Steve's first response was swallowed and he nodded. "Okay. Okay. And, um, what's the issue with that?" He adjusted himself on the bed, hoping there was more subtlety in that.
"I can't talk to him about it. I mean," Jonathan smiled and reached to touch his face. "This is a very different thing than being fourteen and confused."
"Who says he's confused?"
"I don't mean with himself-- the rest of the world is so confusing, Steve. You see the news... I can't talk to him. I didn't grow up like that. And being with you is... Different. We dated girls before. Will... I don't know. I think he knows already."
"You think he's got feelings for--"
"Oh absolutely." Jonathan nodded, closing his eyes. "Oh, I'm so glad it's not just me who sees it."
"Hopefully Wheeler does too."
"Hey, keep your voice down, he's only a few rooms over ."
"Sorry. Sorry. Me and my big mouth " Steve rested his head on Jonathan's shoulder. "Shut me up, maybe."
"Not until my mom gets back." Jonathan said, rolling up onto his side too. "If I catch her when she comes in the door, she won't come into my room to say good night. I can't have you distracting me until then."
"Your mom is on a date. She's an adult and so are you." Steve kissed Jonathan's shoulder. "You are a working man who just finished a long day at work-- I think you can cuddle up with your boyf--" Steve choked on his own stupidity, feeling his face go red and charisma die on impact. "With me."
"I will. Once my mom is back." Jonathan kissed Steve, as if a parting promise. Only to backtrack on his words immediately. He tucked Steve’s hair back behind his ear, his hands trying not to hold his face. “No--  no . Steve, not until my mom gets back.”
“I can keep an ear out--” As Steve spoke, the power in his bedside lamp dimmed. The power hummed quietly before flickering back up. Jonathan tensed and pushed himself up in bed.
“Did you see that?”
“Yeah, it was just the light, Byers. It’s windy out tonight, maybe a tree brushed a powerline.” Steve pushed Jonathan back down to his pillow-- and back into his own skin again. “It’s  nothing  . What if I turn out the light? Your mom won’t even  see  us in here.”
“No. No, I have to wait for her.”
“What if she doesn’t come back?”
“What!” Jonathan jerked upright again.
“I  meant  what if she’s at Hopper’s or something?” Steve shrugged. “She’s an adult.”
“Steve, that’s my  mom .” Jonathan hissed, swatting at the hand resting on his shoulder.
“I  meant  because she drove there on her own. If she had some wine, maybe she stayed somewhere and is being a smart, responsible parent.” Steve soothed. “Something you don’t have to be right now. You’re not Will’s parent and you aren’t your own. Lay down, will you?”
Jonathan was reluctant, but let Steve ease him back down again. He pulled the pillow tighter to his chest and sighed, his crossed arms sinking deeper. Steve laid down beside him, nose gently touching the end of his shoulder. As he breathed, his short exhales tickled Jonathan’s skin and got him giggling. It was Steve’s secret trick; something that always worked because Jonathan didn’t know it was a pattern-- didn’t know he was ticklish.
“Sorry I was weird today.” Jonathan said suddenly. He wasn’t even grinning.
“What?” They didn’t apologize. There was no need. “You’re worried about stuff-- it’s okay.”
“No, I like our dinners. And I was so uptight. I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“Okay.” Steve didn’t know what to do with the sentiment. “Apology accepted?”
Jonathan sighed again, blowing it out slowly between his pressed lips. “Lonnie called today.”
“L- your  dad ? Is that who was on the phone?” Steve wasn’t sure what came over him-- or his body-- as he placed an arm over Jonathan’s waist and pulled them together. There was something unspokenly intimate talking about abusive fathers while being nearly sutured together in bed, but Steve pretended he was just having problems hearing Jonathan correctly.
“Yeah.” Jonathan turned, his nose brushing Steve’s. “Said he wants custody of Will. He doesn’t trust Mom, he said.”
“How is he-- He can’t do that.”
“He’s going to try. I don't know where it came from. He still thinks he can win a case because the news says Will just  disappeared into the woods . Like he ran away from us or something.”
“Everyone knows that’s not true.”
“A court might not.” Jonathan sighed, ducking his head down. Steve resisted lifting his chin to hook it over Jonathan’s head, nestling him into his neck. He laid still, listening to his breathing and the gentle creaking of the house--
Jonathan's door was thrown open, both men sitting up quickly, ready to defend themselves and their actions. It was Mike, in his pajamas with his hair sticking out in wild curls. Will stood just behind him in the hallway looking far more awake. Stilted and untousled.
"Mike?"
"Jonathan, quick!"
"What is it?" Jonathan swung his legs around and motioned both boys to come in. "Will?" Mike pushed him into the center of the door frame, although he remained in the hallway, in the light. Will’s hand grabbed at the back of his neck. His face was blank and his eyes were distant.
"Something's wrong." Will said slowly, blinking to focus. "I feel him."
"Feel who?" Jonathan kneeled in front of Will, holding his shoulders. "Feel who, Will?"
"Dad."
69 notes · View notes
nashibirne · 3 years
Text
DESPERADO - 3
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Helen and August are back. Sorry it took me a while to write the next chapter but our holidays got in the way of writing. Anyway, here it is and it's getting a little steamy. I somehow struggled with writing the smut this time, it was somewhat hard to find the right balance in their dynamics but I think it turned out fine in the end. I hope you like it, too. As you know, writers live off validation, so comments, reblogs and likes are very much appreciated 💜
Pairing: Augut Walker x OFC (Helen Nichols)
Summary: August has survived the fight with Ethan Hunt and the fall from the cliff. A few lucky coincidences saved his life and he ends up with a woman that saves him and gives him shelter in her little hermit hut. He is at a turning point in his life. What is he going to do?
Word count: ~ 3.1 k
Warnings: Description of injuries, smut, NSFW, 18+, unprotected sex, oral sex (f and m receiving), vaginal sex
NO BETA! English is not my mother tongue, so expect bad grammar, wrong spelling, chaotic punctuation and clumsy language. All mistakes are mine…
Credits: I don’t own August Walker and anything related to MI:Fallout. Pics for the moodboard from pinterest, face claim Helen: Rooney Mara
You can find parts 1 and 2 and my other fics on my masterlist.
Taglist (please let me know if you want to be added or removed)
@lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @artandotherdelights @notabronte @littlefreya @luclittlepond @eldarwen333 @meowpurrbooks @marantha @liliumdream @enchantedbytomandhenry @greensleeves888 @witcherfan @margauxmargaux07 @radaofrivia @m07belzen @a-little-counter-esperanto @starstruckkittyangel @mary-ann84 @sillyrabbit81 @emelinelovesjc
Let's go...
***************
Desperado
Oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger
They're drivin' you home
Freedom, oh freedom
Well that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walkin' through this world all alone
From Desperado by The Eagles, Lyrics: Don Henley, Glenn Frey
"She's dead. She died in an accident. She was gone. I stayed."
No matter how hard August tried to find out more about Allison, there was no way to make Helen tell him anything else but these simple basics. She'd worked hard on building a protective wall around that part of her heart and her mind, she had closed off the grief and the feeling of guilt and she wasn't willing to hand over the key to her memories to a random stranger who was lying about his identity.
Besides August's futile attempts to pry into Helen's past the next two weeks were quite harmonious. While Helen had decided to ignore the fact that Austin Peters was a fake persona to avoid any kinds of complications, August had decided to accept the inevitable and to be a nice houseguest and he grudgingly let Helen take care of him. They soon got used to the fact that her help made them share pretty intimate moments and August had a hard time granting her access to his personal space, letting her literally touch him everywhere when she had to treat his wounds or help him get dressed and undressed, but he also watched her blush and shy away from him with fiendish joy.
It made him feel better about his face that his body obviously still had a significant effect on Helen and he couldn't deny that seeing her running around in her underwear or imagining her standing in the shower naked had a certain effect on him too. And it wasn't only physical, he really started to like her. She was smart and tough but also witty and cheeky sometimes, and it was hard for him to admit to himself that he enjoyed her company. Stockholm syndrome for sure, he tried to tell himself but in the back of his mind he knew the truth.
He had no idea that Helen felt the same and that her aloof manner was mostly facade. Behind the mask of indifference she was growing warm feelings for him. Warm, foolish, irrational feelings for a man she actually knew nothing about and who was involved in an FBI investigation. She blamed her hunger for interpersonal interactions and warmth that resulted from her self-chosen isolation for these surfacing emotions and did her best to ignore them.
What was really bothering Helen most after only a few days was the sleeping situation. Despite the fact that the there-is-only-one-bed-trope was everything from hot to romantic in theory it was only leading to back pain in reality. August kept on offering to sleep on the couch but she wouldn't let him. He needed a comfortable place to sleep and her sofa was hardly big enough for her. A tall man like him wouldn't be able to get a wink of sleep on it. So after 14 nights she decided to do something about it. She had made a call in the morning, August had heard her muffled voice from the kitchen when he was in the bathroom, and now a car was driving up to the hut. He started to panic.
"Who's that?"
He looked at Helen and she gave him a shrug.
"A friend. He's bringing me a folding bed, called him this morning. I'm not going to survive another night on the couch."
A car door was slammed shut with a thud and foot steps were coming closer to the front door.
"He can't come in, Helen", August whispered, giving her a pleading glance. She raised an eyebrow.
"Why's that?"
"He mustn't see me. Please."
Helen eyed him up and down and when it knocked August held his breath, his heart racing. She turned to the door without another word and August grabbed a large knife from the knife block before hiding in the corner of the room that wasn't visible from the entrance. Helen flinched when she realized that he'd armed himself but after taking a deep breath she opened the door with a nonchalant smile.
"Naseer. Hi. That was quick."
"Hi Helen. Yeah, it sounded urgent on the phone and you can't sleep in a broken bed so I thought I better bring you the folding bed as soon as possible."
August tried to imagine the man who belonged to the pleasant, warm voice. His English was very good but he clearly wasn't a native speaker. Someone from the village he guessed. From the village he would have erased without batting an eyelid just two weeks ago. His stomach twisted at the thought and it filled him with anger that he seemed to evolve something like a conscience lately.
"That's really kind of you."
He could hear the smile in Helen's voice.
"Let me help you unload it."
"No, I'll go and get it. Just tell me where to put it."
"Just put it here on the porch. I'll take care of it later."
Naseer gave Helen a funny look and she knew he was thinking she was acting strange but she could hardly let him walk inside the hut where August was awaiting him with a knife. She watched her only friend walk to his truck, grabbing the bed from the loading space and carrying it to the house.
"It's no problem to carry it inside", he said when he was standing in front of Helen again. "I could also fix your bed. I built it, it shouldn't be hard to replace a broken part."
He built it? The guy built Helen's bed? August started to wonder what kind of friend he was and why the question bothered him so much.
"No! No, that won't be necessary, Naseer."
Christ, woman, don't talk so fast. Her nervousness was showing in her voice and August was worried he might really have to use that fucking knife.
"Really, it's fine...I'm quite busy right now. In the middle of a creative phase...you know...kissed by the muse."
Good girl, back on track. August's heart rate went back to normal.
"You're working on your book again? That's great, Hel."
Hel? He rolled his eyes, annoyed and impatient.
"Yeah, it really is. My agent is pretty relieved too, my writer's block made him quite nervous. But I'm working almost non-stop on it...so yeah."
She shrugged with a sheepish grin, feeling terrible for lying to him.
"Is that why you needed all those supplies? Because you don't want to leave for grocery shopping in the next few weeks? Your truck was loaded when we met the other day."
"Exactly."
"I see...well…"
"Yeah…"
"I better get going then. Let you work in peace…"
"Thanks for stopping by, Naseer."
"Anytime. You know you can always call me when something's wrong or when you need help, right?"
"Of course." Her laugh sounded fake and nervous and for a moment she thought Naseer was going to ask her what was going on but he only gave her a worried look before he left. Helen let out a long sigh of relief, turned around and closed the door behind her.
"He's gone. You can put that away." She pointed at the knife August clung to, her eyes shooting daggers at him.
"What?" He looked at her angrily, putting the knife back in the knife block. "I just wanted to be prepared."
Helen let out a snort. "For what? Naseer attacking an injured stranger?"
"I don't know him."
"But I do. He's a friend and you made me act rude without a reason."
"A friend, huh? Hel?" August said in a mocking tone wiggling his eyebrows. He tried to be cheeky and make her laugh to ease the tension but he knew it was a stupid move as soon as the words left his mouth.
"Yes. A friend. Austin."
She was still being deadly serious and stressed his false name pointedly crossing her arms in front of her chest. August didn't know what to say or do to keep the situation from escalating so he just shrugged.
"Fine."
"Fine? That's all you have to say? For fucks sake...tell me why you didn't want Naseer to see you. Explain to me why you armed yourself with a knife, hiding in a dark corner of my house. My fucking house, goddamn…in which you found shelter..." She was furious now and he made a step towards her, his hands raised up in surrender. "Okay, listen, Helen."
"I'm all ears."
"As I said, it was just taking precautions. I'm a mistrustful person, made some bad experiences in the past and got hurt too often."
"Bullshit." She shook her head. "Don't try to tug at my heartstrings. Just tell me the truth."
August took a deep breath, he was getting frustrated and annoyed by her insistence.
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"I just can't, okay? Let's just leave it at that or…"
“Or what? Are you going to kill me?”
Her voice was full of sarcasm but her eyes showed him that a part of her was scared of him, wondering what he was capable of. The logical answer to her question would have been yes. His answer should have been yes, but when he said no, when he denied it, August meant it. He wasn't going to kill her nor would he ever hurt her.
“No, but I still can’t tell you.”
She could tell by the expression on his face that he was torn. He wanted to open up to her, but he felt like he couldn't.
“Just give me something. A little part of the truth to help me understand who you are, where you’re coming from and what you`re up to."
“That’s not so easy, Helen. You might not like what you’re going to hear.”
He gave her a shrug and something that was supposed to be a smile.
“I don’t care. August.”
He blinked repeatedly. “Sorry?”
“Yes...August.” She rolled her eyes. “I know that you've been lying to me from day one."
He got up and started to pace the hut, still hobbling a little, though his ankle was much better. He wasn’t really worried just debating with himself. After a while he stopped by the window, staring outside. “You're right. My name is August. August Walker.”
"Thanks, but I already know that much", Helen snapped.
"How did you find out about my name?" He asked as calmly as his fluttering nerves allowed it, turning around to look her in the eyes.
"Why did you lie to me?" Helen threw him a challenging look.
"How much do you know?" August was not willing to leave his questions unanswered.
"Why. Did. You. Lie. To. Me?" Helen shouted at him.
"It's none of your fucking business", he yelled back.
Helen laughed out loud.
"It's none of my business? Are you kidding me? I saved you. I let you stay in my house, sleep in my bed, I treat your wounds, I take care of you, give you shelter, I've helped you in every possible way, no matter how many of my personal boundaries have been transgressed and now you're seriously telling me that it's none of my business that you've lied to me all this fucking time?"
"I've never asked for your help."
His voice was calm, his facial expression blank and stern but his eyes were blazing with emotion. His stare was so intense it made Helen shiver.
"You ungrateful ass", she whispered, stunned by his audacity. "You took all I had to give without saying thank you only once. And now you're…"
He was right in front of her with two big strides, his lips crashing on hers with unexpected passion. Helen was too surprised to think about her reaction. She instinctively kissed him back, granting him access, letting him deepen the kiss, allowing his hands to explore her body. 60 seconds later she was in control of herself again. She pushed him away, staring at him dumbfounded.
"Shit. What are you doing?"
"Expressing my gratitude."
He gave her an outrageously sexy smirk and it took Helen just a split second to grab him by his shirt and pull him close again to kiss him feverishly. She wanted him. She wanted him badly. She wanted him now.
August pressed her against the wall with his huge body, caressing her tits through her clothes while kissing her neck. She moaned and started to tug at his shirt. He took it off in a hurry and Helen got rid of her top and bra. When they kissed again she let her hands run over his chest gently, making sure not to hurt him. She pulled away and looked at him, at his scarred face that was still so handsome now that the wounds were healing and the swelling had gone down around his eye. August averted his eyes, burying his head in the crook of her neck again, withdrawing from her gaze.
"Turn around", he mumbled, taking her by her waist.
She did what he asked her to do but when she heard him fumble with his belt and the sound of his pants hitting the floor behind her back, when his hands tried to pull down her sweatpants impatiently, she turned around again. She reached up and cupped his face with her tiny hands, running her thumb tenderly over his burnt skin.
"Listen, August. This is not going to be a quickie, okay? You want to express your gratitude? Great. I like this. But do it properly. Fuck me rough, if you want to, fuck me hard, but don't you dare to hide from me. Look at me. Kiss me. Give me the feeling of being wanted. Pretend it's more than just some kind of job."
He looked at her with an unreadable expression, hesitating for a moment. He opened his mouth but instead of saying something he pressed his lips together with a nod. Helen smiled at him before stripping naked slowly.
When he kissed her again he took his time, enjoying the sensation of holding her naked body close to his now. She was surprised by his tenderness, by his gentle touch and the delicate kisses he covered her body with and blown away by the passion that soon erupted from deep within him. It was just a small step from long, slow kisses to making out like two hungry predators.
He lifted her up easily and carried her to her bed where he laid her down on her back carefully. He climbed between her legs and looked at her.
"Ready to get fucked like never before?"
She smirked. "Big words. I hope you're not all mouth."
"You don't like my mouth?" He started to kiss her belly, licking her skin, leaving a wet trace that led down south where his tongue met her soft pubic hair.
"I love your mouth."
Helen moaned when he kissed her pussy and parted her folds with his tongue.
"Yeah? You like my tongue too?"
He started to tongue fuck her and she grabbed his head, pressing his face closer to her sex.
"Shut up and eat me out."
She threw her head back when sucked on her clit.
"Oh fuck…" She moved her hips slowly to the rhythm of his actions, rolling them with intense motions, burying her fingers in his thick, curly hair. "Just like this...yes."
Her moans got louder and louder and his dick was so hard it hurt, leaking precum. He knew she was about to come but she stopped him before she climaxed.
"Lay down", she ordered and so they switched positions. August had always been a dominant lover but being bossed around by her was a great turn on. He loved how determined she was, it was incredibly sexy how she was chasing her high, not even trying to hide that she wanted to fulfil her own needs most of all. She was starved, desperately in need of this, of him. In this moment she needed him, she wanted him, she allowed him to give her what she was craving.
Helen was kneeling between his legs now, grabbing his dick. "I love your cock too." She grinned at him before she started to suck him off with a devotion that was new to him.
She turned him into a whimpering, panting mess soon, her lips and her tongue working their magic on his dick, and just like her, he grabbed her head to have some kind of control over her actions. He made her take him deeper and she took him deeper.
"Good girl. Taking me so well."
His voice was raspy and she locked eyes with him, her gaze telling him that she liked to be praised. August groaned when she slowly pulled back, licking his length one last time.
"Fuck, Helen...I need to feel you."
"I'll make you feel me."
Saliva was dripping from her swollen lips and he almost got off just by the sight of it. His saviour, his saint had turned into a shameless whore and he was willing to worship and adore her for being his dirty, little slut.
"Yes, you will."
He grabbed her by her waist and pulled her onto his cock. She sighed with pleasure when he entered her tight cunt, stretching her wet pussy and as soon as she got used to his size she started to ride him, rolling her hips slowly in a rhythm that was giving them both the greatest pleasure. August stroked her tits, caressed and kneaded them and she supported her body with her hands on his chest. She picked up speed and when August pinched her nipple she came with a hoarse shriek, her whole body trembling with ecstasy and lust.
Helen bent down to kiss him and he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly while thrusting his hips. He fucked her without restraint now, his thrusts hard, fast and deep. He railed her mercilessly until his intense orgasm swept him away. He let out a long, satisfied moan and loosened his grip on her body.
He kissed her again but she seemed to be in a rush suddenly and rolled off him and went to the bathroom. August was kind of surprised and sobered to a certain degree when he heard that she was taking a shower. She either couldn't stand after-sex-cuddles in general or she really thought that he had just done her a favor to thank her for her hospitality.
He wondered how many times he would have to fuck her till she was willing to fall asleep in his arms afterwards.
*****
101 notes · View notes
bokugaos · 3 years
Text
piece by piece.
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pairing: kuroo x reader
length: 3.1k
tags — sex work/prostitution, semi-public sex, oral sex, alley blow jobs, rough sex, creampie, violence, abuse/assault, jealousy, possessiveness, angst.
summary: The first time Kuroo fucks you is your first ever. The second time he fucks you is also the last time.
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The first time is in a dirty alley behind the bar, Kuroo’s pants around his ankles and you are fumbling awkwardly down to your knees.
He’s drunk and angry, too pissed off at the world to care who’s sucking him off in the dingy shadows beside the garbage bins. It’s not a bad blowjob by far—certainly not the worst he’s ever had—mouth warm and tight as he grips your hair and shoves his thick cock down your throat. You gag a little until your pretty eyes start to water, though you don’t try to pull away; you just let Kuroo fuck your mouth until he comes with a grunt, and swallows every drop before wiping your lips absently with a delicate hand.
Kuroo doesn’t look up as he tucks himself back into his jeans, though he can hear you get off your knees and lean against the wall with a sigh. The orgasm has taken the edge off his simmering rage, but he’s still drunk as fuck and anxious to get home and crawl into his lumpy bed. He digs into his jeans for twenty bucks and hands it to you without a word, and is surprised when you stuff it into your pocket and then grabs his arm before he can walk away.
“Do you…want me to do that for you again some time?” you ask, and look up at him with wide, hopeful eyes like he is the fucking Santa Claus. “I can meet you here? Or at your place?”
The words are on the tip of his tongue as he shrugs your hand off with a sigh; that he’s not picky about who sucks his cock and pretty much any mouth will do. Instead, he looks at your earnest face and the slightly desperate expression you’re trying to hide and finds himself saying the last fucking thing he ever expected.
“Yeah, here. Same time tomorrow.”
He doesn’t even learn your name until the fifth time you suck him off, still panting slightly after taking the load down your throat with a pleased smile.
“My name’s y/n,” you say, staring up at him through those lashes like you’re expecting a fucking pat on the head. He has no idea how he’s supposed to respond so he says nothing, shoving the money at you with a grunt before walking away.
He doesn’t need to know your name or what you do when he’s not around. And he does not spend any time wondering where you stay or why you’re out on the streets in the first place.
It’s none of his fucking business.
The first time Kuroo fucks you is also your first time ever, though he has no clue he’s dealing with a virgin until the deed is done.
You’re in his bed, and on your hands and knees, face pressed into the mattress and your hands clenched so tightly on the sheets. If he had bothered to, he might have guessed at the lack of experience; would have known from the wild look in your eyes and the nervous gnawing of those plush lips as you strip hastily and crawl onto the bed.
Instead, he’s too distracted by the show of your skin and his own painful erection to do much more than a perfunctory prep before he’s pushing in. you keen, high and wounded and clench down, and it takes every bit of his willpower not to just shove his cock all the way in and start thrusting his hips. As it is, he barely gives you a few moments to get used to being filled, before he starts hammering that pretty hole like his life fucking depends on it.
You groan, back arching against every thrust, sounding pinched and breathless every time he sinks in and bottoms out with a forceful grunt. You feel damn good around his swollen prick, and he finds that he can’t get enough of the way your skin bruises under his rough and calloused fingertips. It drives him wild when you grit your teeth and try so hard not to whine, which only tips Kuroo to haul his hips back and fuck you even harder.
He’s so pent-up that it doesn’t take long before he’s on the edge, and then he’s dragging you up onto your knees and spurting hard, biting down on a bare neck as he comes and comes inside that tight flesh. When he finishes he pulls out slowly, almost gently, though it still makes you cry out like you’re being punched in the gut.
“You okay?” he asks, as you just lay there on the bed, head cradled in your arms as you stare blankly at the far wall. “Did you come?”
“No,” you say, so quietly he can barely hear you. “I didn’t think I would the first time. Maybe once I’m used to it, and it doesn’t hurt.”
Kuroo stiffens, and slowly climbs off the bed. “What the fuck? What do you mean first time?”
You turn to look up at him and shrug, though your eyes are red and a little wet. “Everyone has a first time, right? This was mine.”
He pushes the bills into your hand hesitantly and leaves you on the bed.
He doesn’t see you again for a month.
Kuroo finds you there the week after, in the alley behind the same bar, in your usual spot at the usual time. But it’s obvious that you’re not waiting for him tonight, because you’re on your knees again in the shadows, sucking some other man’s dick like you were born for it.
His first impulse is to turn around and leave, to get away from the vivid image of your lips wrapped around someone else’s dick, licking and swallowing like you’re eating a goddamn ice cream. It’s followed by a second impulse to grab the guy and break his fucking nose, the rage welling up fast and violent when you start choking on the cock that’s being unceremoniously rammed down your throat.
Instead Kuroo just stands there and watches, frozen as the man in the cheap grey suit shoots his load inside your mouth with a satisfied grunt. You barely have time to swallow before you’re being hauled onto your feet and kissed within an inch of your life, roughly and messily like the guy is trying to inhale you. Kuroo is practically seeing red with the way he’s manhandling you like so much meat, grabbing and sucking and bruising you like his measly twenty bucks gives him the right to touch every inch of your body.
“What the fuck are you looking at?” the guy yells, when he finally notices Kuroo looming just a few feet away. “You her pimp? Or her next client?”
“I’m not—”
“Don’t mind him, he’s nobody.” You interrupt, and Kuroo can’t disagree, even if the words stick in his craw like so much bile.
The tone of your words manages to surprise Kuroo, if not the invitation; he knows full well that you can’t possibly live off of the measly few dollars you make off of Kuroo alone. No, it’s the way you sound when he makes the offer—all fake happiness and a sultry smile, knowing exactly which strings to pull to get a man’s groin to pay attention.
There’s none of the vulnerability and shy air that you usually carry when you’re dealing with Kuroo, and it makes him feel nauseous, like he doesn’t know which version of you is the real one.
He watches as you follow the cheap suit guy to his small green car parked just a few feet away, ignoring Kuroo as you climb into the passenger seat. He continues to watch as the man grabs you by the back of your neck and crushes his lips to yours, like he wants to take you right there, spread your legs wide and fuck you on the fake leather seats. He watches until the car tears out of its spot and disappears down the road, leaving him standing in the alley alone, his mind filled with images of you on your knees.
Kuroo doesn’t sleep at all that night.
Four days later you show up at his apartment unannounced, sporting a split lip and red marks over your arms, and finger shaped bruises around his neck.
Kuroo lets you in without a word.
You flop tiredly onto the couch, pulling your legs to your chest with a sigh as he heads into the kitchen to fix you some food. When he returns, you take the plate and cup of coffee with a grateful nod and a quirk of your cracked and not quite bleeding lips.
“Really? Coffee? Do I look like I need coffee?”
Kuroo snorts. “Just do me a favor and tell me who that guy is.”
“It’s fine, I don’t really know him anyway,” you shrug, and start to wolf down the meal like it’s the first food you’ve had in days. Which is both a relief and a sting to his heart, because you don’t know that much about him as well, and neither does he.
So he doesn’t ask for any further details, and you don’t offer, though he does ask you to stay the night and sleep on the couch. He tries not to think too much about the relief that flashes briefly across your face, or what he wants to do to the guy who put his hands on you and made you look this way.
You are not on the couch when Kuroo gets up the next morning, and he tells himself that it’s just as well.
“Are you in some kind of trouble?”
He doesn’t know why he asks the question; has received no indication from you that any inquiry into your affairs is either wanted or appreciated. But since you showed up at his place last week ago, bruised and obviously in distress, he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about what happened, and when—not if—it might happen again.
You arch an eyebrow at him and frown. “Why do you think I’m in trouble?”
Kuroo shrugs. “You’re not at your usual spot anymore, behind that bar. I thought…maybe you’re avoiding the guy that hit you.”
The smile that blooms across your face is wholly unexpected, those eyes bright with amusement and something that looks a little too much like softness.
“Yes, but it’s fine. I moved to a different spot and I don’t think he’s going to come looking for me anyway. Not after what I did to him.”
You are grinning now, practically begging Kuroo with the barely contained glee on your face to ask for details. “Alright, I’ll bite. What’d you do?”
You shrug, swallowing a mouthful of your food before you answer, “I waited until he fell asleep and took nude photos of him in his bed. Then I texted them to as many people as I could find on his contacts.”
“You did what—?” he starts, and then, “I’m quite pleasantly surprised. He’s such a good guy.”
“Right?” You say with a laugh, and then your expression changes, smoothing out into a mask of carefreeness that he doesn’t quite buy. “I left after that. But not before cleaning his wallet.”
“You can stay here, if you want,” Kuroo says to you the next morning, his arms around your waist as you lay together in his bed. “Just…I don’t know where you live but if you need a place to go you can crash here.”
You turn in his arms until you’re facing him, your face graced with a shy smile and asks, “Can I suck your cock in exchange for rent?”
“No! It’s not…I don’t mean you have to give me any…fuck,” Kuroo swears, as you tilt your head to the side in realization. “You don’t have to do anything for me.”
“Yeah,” You agree, “same goes for you.”
It takes Kuroo almost an entire week before he realizes that you have taken him up on his offer to stay, your comings and goings unpredictable and your actions often completely unexpected. There are days when you don’t leave the apartment at all; where you spend hours cleaning the living room and wiping furniture, or doing all his laundry. Other times you will disappear for an entire day and night, and return stinking of alcohol and covered in other people’s seed and sweat. Those nights, he watches as you limp into the bathroom and quietly locks the door, and spends hours in the shower, long after the water turns icy cold.
He never asks, but he never says no either, when you climb on him on the couch and unbuckles his pants with quick and steady hands. It’s not just lust that makes it so good when you lick him sloppily from root to tip; it’s also the shame bubbling just under his skin, watching you swallow him down with those perfect cock sucking lips. Kuroo can’t stop staring at your swollen mouth sliding up and down his cock; can’t stop bucking his hips and fucking your throat, relishing the noises you make when he shoots his entire load in your sinful mouth with a groan.
You always lick your lips after you suck his cock, like it’s the best damn thing you’ve ever tasted.
And you only smile afterwards when you do it for him.
One day, you come home in the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday, carrying shopping bags that you dump unceremoniously onto the floor. You’re wearing a brand new outfit that looks more expensive than what he makes in a week, gleaming bracelets adorning your wrists and a diamond necklace sparkling on your neck. Gone are your loose worn t-shirts and baggy, low-rise jeans; you look like a model in one of those designer catalogues, or the A-list celebrities going to get coffee in sunny L.A.
Kuroo hates it.
He hates it, because of how right you look in your expensive new outfit; like these are the clothes you’re meant to be wearing.
Like you belong in them all the time, and in a world far, far away from him.
He makes you take all your fancy jewelries off, and then fucks you roughly with two fingers until you come all over his couch.
You still show up at the apartment smelling like sex, with bite marks on your collarbone and your lips swollen from kisses.
But you also come home with bags and bags of groceries too, and make sure to stock the fridge full of his favorite beer.
He tells himself that he appreciates your thoughtfulness, and isn’t at all jealous of whoever the hell it is that’s giving you what he needs.
Giving you everything you deserve and could never get from a guy like him.
The second time he fucks you is also the last time.
You ask him to go out for dinner one night, to a place with neatly folded cloth napkins and dimly lit candles on the table, and you order the most expensive dish on the menu. You spend the evening devouring a mountain of food and making fun of the pretentious staff, and Kuroo pretends he’s perfectly fine with the fact that some rich asshole he doesn’t know is paying for this good time.
But he bites back the festering resentment and gives you a genuine smile, because he’s never seen you so damned happy and relaxed, laughing and smiling as you make your way back to Kuroo’s apartment. He lets you lead him into the bedroom and shut the door behind them, and grins into the toe curling kiss that follows as you move to the bed.
This time, when he’s got you naked on your hands and knees, he takes care to be gentle and thorough, spreading your legs wide and working you open. He slips his tongue and licks your wetness all over, and tastes every bit of that pretty cunt while you clutch the sheets and writhe and moan.
“Tetsurou,” you pant, as he slides in slowly, inch by excruciating inch. “F-feels so good! Oh, please, please fuck me, god I want to feel you, please..!”
“I’m gonna fuck you so good,” he says, groaning as you arch your back and clench around him. “Gonna make you scream my name.”
And he does, relishing every sound he can wring out of you as he sinks to the root, and every breathless sigh as he starts rocking his hips. Every stroke makes him want to push harder and thrust deeper, as he watches his cock disappear over and over inside that pretty pink hole.
He fucks you for what feels like hours that night, stopping whenever he gets too close to wring every ounce of pleasure possible from your sweat soaked bodies. He fucks you on your knees and then flips you over onto your back, and drives himself inside you like he wants to own him; be the one to break you apart and put you back together again.
“Is it good like this? When he fucks you?” Kuroo snarls, throwing your legs over his shoulders and sinking even deeper. “Do you tell them that you want them so bad? Beg them to ruin you too?”
You don’t answer, spurting all over yourself as he keeps drilling you into the bed. He follows a few rough strokes later with a groan, fingers biting deep into soft flesh, every part of him howling with possessive fury as he paints your tight walls with his come.
“No,” you whisper, much later, with Kuroo’s arms wrapped around you and his nose pressed against your neck. “It’s not like this at all.”
The space beside him is empty by the time he wakes the next morning, and there’s a neatly folded note on the nightstand.
He ignores it until he can’t anymore, and then crumples it in his fist and tosses it into the garbage can.
He’s always known that this is how it would end.
Still, he wishes he knew more than just your first name, or how your smile—the real one, soft and genuine—was the best thing he’d ever fucking seen.
He doesn’t see you again for a long time; days and months and years until there’s nothing left but a memory of you and a dull, aching hole in his chest.
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morganaspendragonss · 3 years
Note
hiya. could you write a fic where tk has a panic attack from carlos’s pov? 😘🧡
i can indeed! this is combined with an idea jamie ( @silvarafael ) had and very kindly allowed me to write - i hope you both enjoy! the first section is also based on a vague idea i had after watching the ep.
ao3 | 1.9k | 2.10 spoilers
TK is silent the entire drive home, choosing instead to stare out the window with his jaw firmly clenched, his hands making fists in his lap. The silence extends all the way into the house, right up until the point when he flops down on the couch with a loud, frustrated sigh, burying his head in his hands. 
At this point, Carlos knows not to push when TK is like this; he’ll talk when he wants to, and not a moment before. So he simply walks over, sitting next to him and placing a hand on TK’s back, rubbing gentle circles. TK slowly relaxes under his touch, unfurling his body, and Carlos is all too happy to let him shift into his arms, holding on and pressing kisses on the top of his head.
I’m here, he’s saying - not with words, but he knows the message gets across regardless. It may have only been less than a year since they started dating, but already they don’t always need words to communicate.
“I’m sorry if you were uncomfortable back there,” TK says suddenly. “I know my dad kind of dragged you into it all, and that must have been awkward for you.”
“It wasn’t my favourite interaction with your dad ever,” he admits.
TK snorts. “Understatement,” he mutters, and Carlos laughs, tilting his head in agreement. “I am sorry, though, really,” TK continues. “It was amazing of you to even be there; you didn’t have to be. I’m sure there are hundreds of places you’d rather be than an intervention session for my dad.”
“You mean supporting my boyfriend through something difficult and important?” Carlos corrects gently, shifting to catch TK’s eyes. “Because there’s nowhere I’d rather be than there.”
TK blinks at him, managing to hold his gaze for all of two seconds before he blushes and looks away. He takes Carlos’s hand, tapping restlessly on the back of it - a sure-fire sign he’s still worked up about something, so Carlos leaves him be, waiting for it to come out.
“Is it bad that I’m pissed at him?” TK’s voice is quiet, small, and it’s mirrored in his body language when he turns to Carlos, drawing his legs up and hunching his shoulders. “I’ve spent my entire life trying to connect with him, and it just feels like he’s constantly throwing it all right back in my face. And he’s… He’s such a fucking hypocrite. Ever since my first overdose, he’s been going on and on about how good it is to talk about my feelings and how I shouldn’t keep things bottled up, yet he insists on hiding this shit from me.”
TK laughs, short, sharp, bordering on hysterical. “He didn’t even tell me when he was fucking dying; I had to find that out by myself. And I’ve tried. I haven’t stopped trying.” He deflates, sinking back into Carlos with a defeated sigh. “But there’s only so much I can take, you know? I can’t… I can’t keep doing this, Carlos.”
Carlos’s heart breaks for his boyfriend. He wishes he could take the pain away; as it is, all he can do is hold him, and hope that he has enough words to at least dull the ache somewhat.
“It’s not bad to feel what you feel, TK.”
TK looks up at him, eyes wide. “You don’t think so?”
He shakes his head, kissing him again. “No. I think… I think your dad has treated you pretty unfairly, actually, and you’re well within your rights to be mad at him right now. But, I also think that you said it yourself; there’s only so much you can do. Before you can take care of your dad, you have to take care of yourself, and you can’t do that if you’re worrying over him.”
If TK’s eyes were any wider, it’d be comical. “But -”
“No buts.” Carlos smiles tightly, keeping his tone gentle. “TK, babe, you just led an intervention into your dad’s mental health, which I know was hard for you, yet you did it anyway because you love him. You tried, but if he doesn’t want to engage, then there’s nothing you can do.”
TK is silent for a long time, staring down at his lap. He’s still holding Carlos’s hand in one of his own, but his free hand is rubbing the material of Carlos’s shirt between his fingers; Carlos doubts he’s even fully aware he’s doing it.
“I know that,” he says eventually, voice little more than a whisper. “I do. I just wish he wasn’t so goddamn stubborn all the time.”
Carlos’s lips quirk up in a smile, and he speaks before he can stop himself. “Guess it runs in the family.”
TK stares at him, open-mouthed, and Carlos immediately regrets his words. He’s halfway through an apology when it’s like a dam breaks, and TK breaks out in giggles, his head thumping against Carlos’s chest.
“You’re lucky I love you, Reyes.”
Carlos grins and pulls TK as close to him as physically possible. “I really am.”
*
The call comes early the next morning, waking both of them up. TK grumbles as he smacks his hand against the nightstand in a blind search for his phone; the sight would be adorable if Carlos weren’t so tired himself. After the exhaustion of the past few days, he’d been desperately hoping to have a peaceful morning for once, maybe even - god forbid - to spend some quality time with his boyfriend without the threat of parents or work or sudden emergencies hanging over them. 
Clearly, though, it’s not to be, as TK suddenly sits bolt upright in bed, all traces of sleep gone.
“We’ll be there as soon as we can,” he promises to whoever’s on the other end, before lowering the phone and turning to stare at Carlos, terror obvious in his eyes. 
“TK?” Carlos asks when he doesn’t speak, sitting up and slowly reaching out for him. TK startles at the contact, but quickly leans into it, covering Carlos’s hand with his own.
He swallows once, twice. “Buttercup’s sick,” he whispers. “Dad had to rush him to the vet’s. Carlos, what if… What if…”
He trails off, shaking his head viciously, as though he can erase the thought from his mind. Carlos quickly moves to steady him, stroking his thumbs across his cheekbones to calm him down.
“Let’s get dressed, okay?” he says, knowing reassurances won’t mean a thing right now. “Then we’ll go, and we’ll know more.”
TK just nods, quiet as they go through the motions of getting ready. Carlos makes sure to press an apple into his hand before they head out; he knows it will likely go uneaten, but it’s the only choice he has, given he knows that TK will refuse to stop for breakfast without finding out about Buttercup first.
If the drive back from Owen’s yesterday was silent, today’s is far worse. TK’s hands are constantly moving in Carlos’s periphery, alternating between fiddling with his apple, tugging on his clothes and hair, and rubbing at his face. On the rare occasion he does try to stay still, his hands end up twitching in his lap, followed by a sudden burst of anxious movement before falling back into some semblance of a pattern.
Carlos presses his lips into a firm line, accelerating more than is technically legal; at any other time he’d make a joke about how TK’s turning him into a criminal.
They’re forced to stop at a traffic light, and Carlos curses under his breath, getting jittery himself as the drive extends. He turns to check on TK, then curses again at the sight of his boyfriend’s pale face, his wide eyes and trembling body. TK gasps, then again and again, a hand going to his chest, and Carlos knows what this is. 
A panic attack, but the second he reaches to help, the lights change and he’s forced to keep driving. He keeps one eye on TK the whole time, heart beating faster as he seems to get worse, and he’s thankful when he spots an opportunity to pull over, taking it immediately.
TK stares, shaking his head frantically and gesturing in a motion that Carlos takes to mean keep driving. His mouth opens and closes but he can’t form words, breaths coming short and fast. He folds in on himself when they stop, eyes closed and forehead almost touching his knees as his body heaves and shakes.
Carlos unbuckles himself and shifts as close as he can, placing one hand on TK’s back and taking his hand in the other, rubbing circles on the back of it with his thumb. He’s had to do this a few times over the course of their relationship, shootings and kidnappings and disasters taking their toll on his boyfriend.
But that doesn’t make it any less difficult.
“You’re going to be okay,” Carlos says, pushing his own fears aside. “Just breathe slowly, in and out, that’s it; it’ll be over soon, I promise.”
He keeps it up, murmuring assurances he barely registers himself until the shaking lessens and TK’s breath slowly but surely begins to even out. He straightens in his seat, eyes still closed, and leans his head against the headrest. 
Carlos pulls back, giving him a moment before he asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”
TK shakes his head, then immediately changes his mind and nods. Still, it takes him a few seconds to speak. “What if it’s the cancer, Carlos?” he asks, peeling his eyes open, despair written all over his features. “He could - He could die, he could be dying right this second, and I don’t know if I can handle that, not after everything else.”
“I know,” Carlos says. “You just have to remember that we don’t know anything yet, and you have to believe that Buttercup will be fine until we do know more. We’ll take it from there, and if it is the cancer - which, yes, it might be - then we’ll all be around to support each other. Buttercup’s strong, though, I’m sure he’ll fight whatever this is with everything he has. He’ll be fine.”
Carlos smiles, noticing how TK is pretty much hanging onto every word he says. He takes a deep breath, briefly looking away before continuing, “As will your dad.”
TK frowns. “Who said anything about my dad?”
“TK.”
He sighs, hanging his head. “You’re right,” he admits, “this is a little bit about my dad. The longer he puts off this surgery, the more scared I get that the cancer will come back and we won’t get as lucky this time. I know it’s stupid, and I know I should be focused on Buttercup right now, but…”
“But,” Carlos agrees, reaching out and squeezing TK’s hand. “It’s okay, and it’s not stupid at all, I promise you. Let’s just take this one thing at a time, okay? First, we’ll get to the vet’s and find out how Buttercup is, and then we’ll see about having another conversation with your dad - maybe telling him what you’ve told me?”
TK exhales shakily, then nods. “Okay. Okay.”
Carlos gives him a small smile, squeezing his hand once more before shifting back in his seat to keep driving. “I’ll be right by your side,” he can’t help but say. He’s sure TK already knows, but the reminder can’t hurt, especially after what just happened.
TK stays quiet, but Carlos doesn’t miss the mumbled, “I don’t deserve you,” from the passenger seat. 
“Wrong,” he replies, eyes on the road. “You deserve the world.”
And, in his periphery, TK smiles.
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Text
I Melt With You - Bakugou Katsuki
All Parts:
Part 9:
As it turns out, being told there’s an imminent threat on your life, does not lend itself to a relaxing day at work. No, what it lends itself to, is a day of looking over your shoulder, of flipping the lights on in every room- of creeping quietly around furniture, trying to get the jump on whoever is hiding behind it. 
Except, there’s never anyone behind it. There’s never anyone behind anything, and all you have to show for it is a heart beating far too fast. All you have is a ribcage, strung together with dental floss, little bits of string pulled much too far and much too tight. What’s left is a person one surprise from a panic attack, and one loud noise away from a mental breakdown.
It’s the weirdest anxiety you’ve ever felt; a dripping, acrid, paranoia lining your bones with electricity and your muscles with shock. The strangest part of all though? The way you’re counting the minutes. Watching the seconds pass by with each moment, trying to be patient until you could see Bakugou of all people. 
You’re not sure when you started to associate him with safety, but it’s almost a lost cause at this point. His attitude was pretty much irrelevant to the issue, and even if he wasn’t very soft or reassuring, you know he’d rather die than let you get taken. His ego just wouldn’t allow it, and for some odd reason, you think that’s the most comforting part of all.
You walk out the backdoor, dragging your feet and hardly even jumping in surprise when you see him. Bakugou is leaning against the back wall of the alley, disinterest coloring his face. He’s in his hero gear, but thankfully he’s got his mask in his hands- being unable to fully see his eyes made him much harder to read.
“No bruises, scrapes? Blood?” You ask, looking him up and down twice over. You can’t help yourself as you near, eyes squinting as you study him closely. “No injuries, right?”
“No- ‘m fuckin’ fine. Stop fussing, woman.”
You see the red on his cheeks, just barely for a second, before he’s quickly sliding the mask onto his face. So much for seeing his eyes, then- apparently he wanted to keep you guessing all night. Not that you wouldn’t have been anyway. 
"I'm not- actually, yeah, sorry. Maybe I was fussing a little bit." You laugh under you breath, taking a step back. "It's not my fault though, alright? Usually I only see you when you’re exhausted or bleeding out."
"Yeah, because bein' around ya is fuckin' torture, leech. Why the hell would I see you if I didn't have to?"
You turn, balking at him. Under the glow of the streetlamp, something sly and mischievous lines his smile. You watch him glow for a moment, yellow streetlamp luminescence casting his pale skin in shades of glimmering gold. He’s almost unrecognizable like that, unable to help himself when he shakes his head. 
“I told you, leech.” He laughs. “You’re too easy.”
“No- you’re an asshole. You know that? You have to know that, don’t you?”
“I know.”
“And, what, you’re proud of that?”
He just shrugs, kicking off the wall and brushing past you. His shoulder knocks into yours, and you feel a little unsteady at the impact. Bakugou laughs. Then he picks up speed, walking briskly towards the end of the alley, looking behind him to make sure that you’re following. 
“That’s not an answer, you know.” You say, rolling your eyes. “Not even a little bit of an answer.” 
“Who the fuck said I gotta answer all your questions, hah?” He replies, petulance coloring his words. He turns back to look at you, snapping his fingers to urge you on. “Now c’mon. Faster. Pick up the goddamn pace.”
“Jeez, you’re pushy tonight.”
Bakugou doesn’t answer you, just leading you out of the alley, and into the street. He slows suddenly, falling behind you with watchful eyes scanning every shadow. There’s no one out that night, there almost never is at that time, but Bakugou still seems keen on keeping up his vigilance. Turning back to look at him, you’re almost shocked by the concentration on his face.
It’s a look you’re not especially used to seeing on him. You’d never realized how much time he spent just messing with you, but the foreignness of his expression made that apparent. In that moment, all you can wonder is why villians even bothered in the first place- it was obvious they weren’t going to get away with anything under his watch. Not at least if Bakugou’s fists had something to say about it. 
“You look pretty guard-dog-like back there.” You comment with a coy smile. “Super scary.”
“Shut up.”
 “Mhm, that’s what you always say isn’t it.”
 “Fuck’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, nothing.” You say lightly, spinning to look at him for a moment. He’s confused, head tilted slightly to the side. He looks like a dog all over again and you have to hold back a giggle. “Just means you’re short with me all the time. Well- when you’re not being mean that is.” 
“You pickin’ a fight?”
“No. No. I’m not.” You laugh. “I almost never am, or at least not intentionally. You always think so though.” 
Bakugou speeds up then, his strides matching yours. He’s close then, way closer to you than he’d usually walk. You’re not particularly curious about it, but you’re sure that if you reached out, just barely extended your fingers, you’d brush right up against those giant gauntlets of his. And probably get those same fingers blasted right off- but that’s neither here nor there. 
“You look tired.” He gruffs, changing the subject suddenly. He’s looking away, eyes trained down every dark alley you pass. “You somehow sleep worse than me or somethin’?” 
“No. Just lots of people coming in and out today. Lots of patients to see.” 
“Mhm.” He nods. “Any weird injuries?”
“No? Why?”
He just looks at you then, eyes squinting slightly.
“Oh. Those villians you can’t tell me about. I get it.” You say, and Bakugou nods. “But no. Not that I saw- sorry. Strange influx of elderly people, though. But that’s probably just a coincidence. Probably unrelated.”
“It is.”
“Huh? How would you know?”
“Just do.”
You roll your eyes, huffing. “You suck at explaining things, you know- just like, the worst conversationalist.”
He shrugs again, and at the movement you feel the edge of his gauntlets against your arm. The metal is cold, even through the thin material of your jacket, and you shiver.
“Damn, you really that fuckin’ scared of ‘em?” He scoffs, looking at you a little weirdly. “Chill the hell out, leech. ‘m not after you.” 
“No- it’s not- I’m not scared of them. Well, I am, but not of you. Or them.” You rub at your arms, trying to avoid accidentally elbowing him as he walks next to you. “The metal was just cold. Didn’t expect it, is all.” 
He nods, grunting something under his breath. Then he’s side-eyeing you. For way too long to be normal, even for ordinary person standards. Hardly another breath passes before he smirks, jostling his shoulders and pressing the gauntlet directly into your arm. It hits against your jacket, flooding ice through the material and into your skin.
“It’s cold!” You squeal in surprise, almost stumbling as you pull away. You take another step to the side, just to increase the distance between you and him- just to be safe. “I literally just said that! You’re a dick.” 
Bakugou just smothers his laugh in his shoulder. 
“No! Don’t laugh- what you think this is funny? Huh?”
“Yeah.” He chuckles, trying to get you with the gauntlets once more. You flinch away, which just makes him laugh more. “I do actually.”
“It’s not! It’s cold out, you asshole! Don’t make it any worse!”
He just laughs at you, eyes crinkling around the edges. Bakugou doesn’t laugh much, not around you at least, but now you’re sort of wishing he did. His eyes look a lot brighter when he laughs. Happier.
“Okay, okay, chill out already.” He smirks, shushing you like a child. “Won’t happen again.”
“You sound like you’re lying.”
“Nah. ‘m not.”
“I don’t trust you.” You counter, eyeing him with suspicion. “Not at all.”
He just shrugs, like your answer doesn’t surprise him, nor does it make any sort of difference. You suppose that’s about right. Bakugou pretty much only cared about pushing your buttons- making you feel comfortable wasn’t even a thought in his mind.
“You’re such a baby.” He comments, eyes scanning down another dark alley. “Seriously. ‘s not even that fuckin’ cold outside.”
“Says you.”
“I’m right.”
“You’re not.”
“I am.”
“You’re absolutely not.” Drawing your jacket tighter, you fight the shiver that threatens to crawl up your spine. “You know, for a guy who gets so mad about me “picking fights” all the time, you sure do like to argue a lot. You sure you’re not actually the one picking fights?”
“I don’t gotta pick ‘em, I just finish them.”
There’s no way- there’s no way in hell a fully grown hero, a pro hero just opened his mouth and said that to you. It’s inconcievable, or, it should be, but then you look at Bakugou and the absolute sincerity of his expression.
“You’re a barbarian.” You can’t help but laugh, pinching the bridge of your nose with faux annoyance. “Seriously. I just gagged on all the testosterone in that sentence.” 
“So? ‘s not my fuckin’ problem.” 
“It is. It definitely is.” You tell him, hardly restraining your urge to knock him right off the curb. 
From where he is, walking on the outside of the sidewalk and closest to the road, all it would take is a little nudge- he’s walking so very close to the edge.  But knowing him, Bakugou would probably take you with him. So you refrain, changing the subject instead.
 “So, you see any bad guys yet?”
“Bad guys?” He snorts, eyeing you like you’re stupid. “No. I haven’t seen any villains, yet.” 
“Good, just checking. I don’t actually know what I’d do if you did.”
“You don’t do shit. You stay the hell out of it.”
“Okay, but what if you-”
“No. You run the other direction and go fuckin’ hide. That’s what you do.” He orders, seriousness lining his features. “Don’t go tryin’ anything. You’ll only get in the way, leech.”
A part of you bristles all over at that- at his insistence that you’d be nothing but useless weight in a fight. It makes you uncomfortable because as it stands, he’s right. You’d never be able to hold your own, much less defeat anyone.
You felt weak. Vulnerable.
“Don’t be a goddamn baby. I can see you panicking.” He says, kicking at a rock on the sidewalk. “I told you- ‘m not plannin’ to let any of those fuckers get you. ‘s a hypothetical, so don’t go cryin’ over shit that hasn’t even happened yet.”
“It’s not that.”
“Fuck is it then?”
“It’s just- I was thinking, you know, about what I’d do in a fight.” You start, rubbing at your elbow mindlessly. “And you’re right. I’d be entirely useless. I can’t hurt anybody. I don’t think I ever would, even if I had the skills to.”
You hardly see it from the corner of your vision, but Bakugou scrunches his nose. Your words must’ve upset him because then he’s huffing like a bull, curling his fingers closed into a fist.
“Don’t say it like it’s a fuckin’ bad thing. Don’t be an idiot.” He mutters lowly, voice pinched and tight. There’s a flush on his cheeks, just barely visible in the dark. “People getting fuckin’ hurt is never a good thing.”
“No, it’s not. I guess you’re right. But, still, I guess what I’m saying is I wish I was a little less soft, you know? Stronger.”
He cuts his eyes toward you, something guarded lining them. You can hardly tell, and you wish he’d take his mask off, but Bakugou almost looks..... offended?
“Bein’ soft doesn’t mean you’re fuckin’ weak.”
“You’ve literally called me weak before!” 
“Yeah- when you were playin’ all fuckin’ nice when you didn’t mean it.” He flares his nostrils. “That’s weak.” 
“Oh, so you’re saying- actually, no, I have no idea what point you’re trying to get at right now.”
“Jesus, you’re stupid.” He mutters on his breath. “I’m saying, don’t do shit just because you think you have to. That’s stupid. That’s weak.”
“So you’re saying I shouldn’t fight anybody?”
“Do you want to fight anybody?”
“Well, no, but-”
“Then why the hell are we even fuckin’ talking about this?” He asks, simple and plain like it never even mattered to him in the first place. “If you don’t want to fight then don’t fight. It’s that fuckin’ easy.”
“Yeah, but-”
“No buts.” He says, finality lacing his tone. “Besides, it’s not gonna fuckin’ matter anyway. I’ll skin ‘em before they even get anywhere near you.”
Bakugou seems to realize his words- and the weight behind them at the same time you do. Where you’re blushing and looking away, he’s straightening in place next to you. His spine goes ramrod, feet stuttering like the pavement is shooting electric shocks through his heels. 
“That’s- I think that’s the only sort of nice thing you’ve ever said to me.” You utter out, entirely shocked. Then you’re slapping a hand against your mouth, breathing a gasp out between the gaps in your fingers. “That’s- that’s the only nice thing I get? A threat against somebody else? That’s ridiculous!”  
You can’t help the giggle that tumbles out of your mouth then, something small and tiny quickly growing louder. It makes you feel light- weightless on the street, like the pavement below you is bolstering you higher with each step. When you look over, Bakugou’s not laughing, but he’s smiling, something pinched and shy as he looks back at you. A he stares at you, blinking slowly, tipping his head to the side like he doesn’t understand.
“It’s- I’m sorry.” You laugh, biting down on your lip. “It’s just so funny! You being nice isn’t even you being nice- it’s just you being mean to somebody else for once!” 
“If this is what you’re like when I’m fuckin’ nice, then I’ll never be nice to you again.” 
“Don’t grumble.” You smile, trying to cover your smile with an errant palm. “Even if I’m laughing, I’m not necassarily laughing at you, you know? I guess what I”m saying is that it helps with the panic- to know that somebody capable is looking out for me, you know?”
“Yeah, I bet.”
His tone leaves something sour, sarcasm and cynicism left behind on his breath. You look over at him, but his eyes are trained forward, shooting between every dark crevice and shadow. He’s relentless, shoulders constantly drawn forward, stalking and prowling like he’s just waiting for somebody to challenge him.
It makes you wonder who’s looking out for him. If anybody even is- or, more specifically, if he is letting anyone.
“Hey, Bakugou?” You ask suddenly. 
“What?”
“I appreciate it, you know. This. You walking me home.” You find yourself unable to hold his intense gaze any longer. Eyes trained at the ground, you continue. “I know you didn’t have to, and even if it’s not for me, it still makes me feel a lot better. Less scared. So thank you.” 
He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t really even react other than straightening a little beside you. It makes you want to take the words back, to fluster, make excuses maybe- but you don’t. You steel yourself and you don’t apologize because you meant it. Meant every word.
“Jesus, you really are soft, huh.” He mutters quietly, voice hardly carrying through the cold air. “Really fuckin’ soft.”
“Yeah. I am.”
He doesn’t say anything else, but he does walk a little closer. From where he is, right up next to you, Bakugou looks a lot different. It might just be the low light, but you could’ve sworn he was all soft angles then; all smooth skin covering a gently sloping nose, delicate lips curled up into the smallest of smiles. You think he’s beautiful then- like somehow, all of his blistering strength had gone molten instead of igniting. 
There’s not much left to say, and you’re out of jokes, so the rest of your walk is spent in silence. It’s a weird kind of quiet, something that sits heavy in your chest, warm and fluid- almost like it’s lulling you to sleep. There’s still a little anxiety rolling in your stomach, but that’s softened now too. You’re sure Bakugou would laugh at you if you told him, but he really did make you feel safe. If only in an belligerent and begrudging sort of way on his end. 
Another few minutes pass and you’re at the entrance to your apartment building. He hovers close behind you as you swipe your keycard, eyes watching the same way they’d done all night. He really is diligent when he wants to be apparently.
“Are you coming in?” You ask, lingering in the door way.
“Nah. I’m on patrol for a few more hours.”  
“Oh- yeah, okay, that makes sense.”
“You scared or somethin’?” He asks, squinting at you. “Go inside already.” 
You curl your fingers a little tighter around the handle, shifting your weight onto your other foot. It frustrates you a little- how he seems to see right through you when you can hardly ever tell what he’s thinking. 
“No- well, yes, but I get it, you’ve got other priorities.” You say, gently. “Go, I’ll be fine. Don’t let my weird paranoia hold you up or anything.” 
He just nods, adjusting the mask on his face as he turns away. Bakugou only makes it a few steps, just barely secluded into the shadows beyond the complex lights, before he’s turning around. Hand itching at the back of his neck, he plants his feet, regarding you with familiar red eyes.
“It’s not weird.” He says. “I’ll be back later. Don’t do anything fuckin’ stupid while I’m gone.” 
Then he’s turning around before you can say anything, his dark costume melting into the shadows. The air somehow feels colder when he leaves, empty almost, and you rush into your apartment complex as a result.
When you’re finally unlocking your door, and quickly relocking it behind you, the exhaustion nearly bulldozes you. You’d been so careful that day, not using your quirk just like Bakugou had advised, but in the end you figured it didn’t really matter- you were scared, absolutely terrified about some villian it didn’t seem like you could even prepare for. That would make anyone tired, weird quirk or not.
Collapsing on your couch with a sigh, you can’t help yourself as sleep quickly takes over.
--/--
You’re jolted awake by the sound of knocking, and, even in your sleep-drunk haze, you know who it is. You’d never known anyone else in your entire life who knocked as loudly as he did. It was like miniature bombs were going off against the glass. 
Bakugou is standing outside in normal clothes, thankfully shucked of both his hero costume and mask. He’s clad in sweatpants and a t-shirt, tapping his foot impatiently as you approach the door. You wonder how he’s not cold, how in the world he’s not freezing his ass off out there. You’d ask, but the exhaustion is still creeping in, piloting your body with hardly a quarter of as much energy as you would normally have.
“You look tired.” He says, taking in your appearance when you slide open the door. He lets himself in, brushing past you when you apparently take too long. “You fall asleep or somethin’?”
“Yeah- yeah, I did, sorry.” You yawn, rubbing away the sleep in your eyes. “Couldn’t help it. Was tired.”
“Oh.”
Bakugou seems a little stilted, hardly even looking at you, and when he does, it’s with a flush on his face. You just shrug his weird behavior off, not having the energy to ask nor the care to even remotely get to the bottom of it. As it was- you were dead tired. His weird mood wasn’t going to trump that apparently.
“You all good?” You yawn again into your hand, then stretch your arms high above your head. “No injuries or anything?”
“Nope.”
“Oh. Okay. That’s good. That’s good.” You trail off, turning away from him to gather your purse and coat off of the couch. “How was it?”
“I didn’t find them yet. If that’s what you’re asking.”
“No- well, that’s sorta- but not really.” You’re fluffing the pillows for him before you realize, gathering a blanket from where it was tucked away too. “I meant- like, everything go alright? Just general checking up stuff.”
“Why- you decide to care now or somethin’?”
“Don’t be difficult. I care. Wouldn’t- wouldn’t ask if I didn’t care to know the answer.”
“Fine.” He grumbles, cheeks going pink once more. “It was boring. Nobody was out tryin’ to pull anything.” 
“Well, that’s nice to hear, actually.”
You continue making up his pseduo bed, spreading the blanket over your cushions and folding it back neatly. It’s almost subconscious, the way your hands move even through your sleep-fog. Bakugou just watches, looking at you a little strangely. His red eyes flicker from you, to the pseduo-bed you’d made up for him, and then back again several times over. 
On the couch, there’s the normal blanket, but this time you’d also sacrificed one of your real pillows too. You figured that if he was going to go through the hassle of making sure you were safe, then the least you could do was spare him a good pillow. Still, the gesture seemed to stump him, and Bakugou just stared blankly at it. Then his eyes flicker back to you, something unsure in them.
You’re not used to seeing him like that. Apprehensive. Almost timid.
“Hope it’s alright.” You tell him, passing him to flick off the bright overhead light. “Thought it was about time for an upgrade. Take it as a show of my appreciation.” 
“Whatever.” He flusters a bit, but shakes it off quickly. “Glad you finally realized how shitty your throw pillows are.”
“Mhm. Sure.”
“You really that tired?”
“Yeah. Sorry. ‘s pretty hard for me to function after I’ve just woken up. ‘s really embarrassing.” 
“No, it’s-”
Bakugou seems to suddenly seize in place half way through his words, spinning the other direction like someone was puppetting his strings. You really start to wonder what had gotten into him in the few hours since you’d seen him last.
“Well, if that’s all,” You say, hiding another large yawn behind your gloves. Then you’re pulling at the material, freeing one of your hands. “Then I’d really like to go back to sleep. So, c’mon, hand out already, yeah?” 
He nods tightly, his whole face red. He won’t look at you, eyes hardly flickering up to yours for a second before he forces them back down. Another loud yawn escapes you, and that only seems to worsen whatever problem he’s having, because then Bakugou is dragging a hand down his face- stretching and pulling and tugging at heated skin like he’s in physical pain. Still, he holds his hand out anyways, refusing to meet your eyes.
That same subtle warmth floods you again, solid and sure where his hand meets yours. It’s muted now, a little softer, but still there. You’re half asleep, barely functioning, and you absentmindedly rub the back of his hand with you thumb, once, twice, and then pat when you let go.
He just looks at you, absolutely bewildered, and honestly- you’re not sure you have an explanation. There is no explanation. All there is, is your bone-deep exhaustion and the apparently uncharacteristic things it makes you do. Like shushing him when he starts to speak, which only seems to stun him more. Then you’re waving him off,  beginning to walk towards your bedroom without hardly letting him get a reaction in edgewise. You’d apologize, but honestly, you’re sure you’d fall asleep half-way through the words. 
“Goodnight.” You say absentmindedly, head lolling over your shoulder to look back at him. “Have a good sleep or whatever. See you tomorrow.”
Then you’re stumbling down the hall, just barely remembering to flick off the overhead lights. You hit the bed, flopping down boneless and sated. 
You’re sure it must take all over 10 seconds until you’re out again. Maybe even less than that.
--
hope u enjoy lovelies :)))
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