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#letters from the guy that was my dad
clonerightsagenda · 9 months
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Realized I don't think Mei knew Scar was still alive when she left the country which is a bummer since I am very fond of their weird mutual adoption situation. Maybe the trade agreement with Ishval was her one policy contribution before she blissfully abandoned the political sphere to look cute and have a good time.
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dirt-str1der · 1 year
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just wanna say im obsessed with your mind and i read your posts about kiryu like the morning paper. thank you for your service
(Sweats) e-even the ones about him laying eggs ?
#Thanks for the ask !#HIIIIII thank you for reading my posts im really a serial rambler so that is no easy feat. i just had a lowkey nightmare that was insect#based so its nice to think about different kinds of eggs once in a while. sorry for the eggs i just learned the word gravid and i cant stop#saying it !!! i literally opened tumblr to make another post about kiryu i was gonna say he was probably antisocial in his childhood which#is really a miracle any girls managed to notice him at all. and i believe that he was very dismissive of his clothing and appearance because#you know when youre young and trans and havent realised it but you just randomly hate everything about your appearance and dont even knowwhy#i think his hair was always too long and too shaggy and he would let nishiki comb it sometimes because he really could not stand his mane#and sometimes when it gets wayy too long and shitty the sunflower caretaker would drag him outside and just cut a chunk of it off with a#knife and kiryu would have shoulder length hair for a little while... anyway i need to give him a little girlfriend like how rikiya had one#when he was in school because all trans guys need a little girlfriend or an all girl group of friends to be his girlfriends when hes a kid#so he can carry their shopping bags and wait for them outside the changing room etc and kiryu cant resist a girl so he gets a letter from#nishiki and he tells him yeah this is probably a prank to have you wait there for hours or there might be guys waiting to ambush you and#beat the crap out of you. and kiryus like Nobody beats the crap out of me except our dad. and goes to meet this girl and he actually agrees#to go out with her and this is the thing that keeps him in school because otherwise he would literally not go. like hed walk with yumi and#nishiki and the rest of the kids at sunflower that he doesnt care about to remember the names of. and he would just wave them off at the#gate and wander the town in his school uniform and then after school he’ll meet nishiki and possibly yumi at the gate (yumi probably makes#other friends but its a Must to walk nishiki home because he’ll get lonely) and when kiryu starts going out with this girl hes obligated to#walk her home so he already broke rule one but nishikis like happy for him But he has to walk home with some other random guys now and#eventually theyll broach the topic of ‘his psycho sister’ and nishiki literally has to beat a few guys up to defend kiryus honour and when#he comes back with news of how unpopular kiryu is with the rest of the guys because he looks better with short hair than they do and has a#girlfriend whos super cute. kiryu is just like damn did you commit social suicide to protect my honour? youre my best friend. but whatever#kids get over it fast. but parents dont!! and kiryu walks his girlfriend right to her front door and soon enough her parents are going to#find out that the boyfriend she keeps gushing about is a girl and straight up take her out of school to make her stop being gay and kiryus#like but ... im a boy ... punches the ground and screams to the sky. anyway enough about dysphoria simulator im here to talk about this guy#when hes a bit older because im salivating and shaking over the thought of his bootyass rip kiryu you woulda loved thongs. i think hed hate#ripped jeans but only because he thinks theyre a waste of manufacturing. its literally better for the world that kiryu decided 2 transition#because can you imagine if she was a girl and needed to wear a bra? like she would literally have an itchy back all the time which would#give her a hair trigger temper which means kamurocho a&e room will be very healthily plush indeed. god my battery is dying i need to take a#shower noww anyway really thank you for the nice message you are so sweet ... hi ...
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evilkitten3 · 1 year
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i was thinking about all those posts ending with "thanks [insert occupation here] side of tumblr" and ended up thinking that if i'd actually become a lawyer like people kept asking me if i would as a kid then i could answer people's legal questions for free on tumblr
which then led to the realization that kid me was right and i absolutely should not be a lawyer i would go broke in moments
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modernmutiny · 2 years
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being trans is so weird bc the more comfortable I get in my gender and my transition the more I gravitate towards things I didn't allow myself to have/enjoy because of said gender
like. im afab and so ive always steered away from girly shit bc it was forced on me. my childhood bedroom was hot pink with sparkles at my moms insistence. i was forced to wear tights and heels and dresses and skirts to school. i had to wear makeup and curl my hair etc etc
now that im older and out and no one has any expectations of me, I'm starting to find myself enjoying all that again. I just bought a tacky pink watch bc I thought it was cute. I own three pairs of heels bc I like feeling tall and how they make me look, and I just bought a cute flowy skirt bc I wanted to and I like flowy skirts (w pockets ofc). I wear a little makeup and am taking steps to get my hair's natural curls back. I'm letting myself have and enjoy all the things that felt like they were restrictive requirements growing up, and I don't feel bad about it, or feel like I'm any less trans. If anything, I'd say it makes me feel more trans because I'm enjoying all these things in the same way a particularly feminine gay man would. I've met leagues of self-proclaimed fairies who are way more feminine than I am with half the self-consciousness that I've been instilled with and I find that freeing. I can cut off my tits and have a dick and short hair and also wear bright red lipstick to the club because that's what makes me feel hot and no one can make me feel like less of a man for that (insofar as I am a man, I consider myself genderqueer but if I were amab I have no doubt that I would consider myself just a particularly feminine cis queer man)
anyways idk if this resonates with anyone else but I'm super glad I've gotten to this place now where I can buy and wear and do what I want no matter if society deems it feminine or masculine just because I'm secure enough in my gender that I don't have to worry about it anymore. I'm me, and anyone who has a problem with that can fuck off out of my life.
#teddy talks#personal#long post#this is gonna sound dumb but. 90% of this gender security came from watching BBC Uncle#Val Pearson is honestly my goals in life#that one outfit in s3 at the bowling alley w the sparkly v-neck? *chef's kiss*#Val is Val and no one can decide if the character is a cis cross dresser or a drag queen or trans or whatever#its never said in the text but more importantly its never ever questioned in the show#the closest someone gets to interrogating Val on their gender is in the 1st ep when a 12 y/o kid asks#if Val's wife left bc they dress like that#which we're never told one way or the other as far as I know but Val finds the question funny#and the kid is consistently shown to be uber curious and not afraid to ask uncomfortable questions so its not just with Val#and we do get some context in that Val says they really truly loved their wife and letter they date a guy named Patrick#whos apparently super nice and accepting (we never see him)#and they do address the topic of possible rejection as well when Val plans to meet Patricks family and the mc specifically says#that if the family doesnt accept Val then they're wrong#but i just love it bc idk if anyone uses any particular pronouns for Val except the kid who uses she/her I think#and Val's daughter who calls Val dad and I think? uses he/him?#but Val never says and never corrects anyone which leads me to believe its sort of Miss Jay Alexander situation#in the 'i dont care what you call me as long as its said with love' sense#which is basically my life motto lol#anyway thx con o'neill you being hot in red lipstick and heels has healed me and solved my gender troubles
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whoslaurapalmer · 2 years
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so my grandmother has been going through Old Things She Found In Her Attic And Just Had No Idea Were In There, and there’s like. this massive amount of family letters from the 1880s/1890s. absolutely stunning. she gave them to my mom to look through first and we started going through it this afternoon and just, the stuff!! the history!! all these people!!!! letters from the 1890s
someone at some point did cut a lot of the stamps off the envelopes which is like, not terrible bc the postmarks are still there but the stamps would’ve been cool, but they even cut the postage off of some of the postcards which as you can imagine makes reading the actual postcard rather difficult
and there’s stuff postmarked from towns in the state that have since been renamed or joined with other towns and it’s just!!! so cool so neat so exciting
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runupthathillgirl · 2 years
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why does shawn levy always have to hurt my feelings
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tender-rosiey · 6 months
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slip up — gojo satoru x f!reader
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satoru is a good dad, a great one even, but every great dad has a great slip up.
your husband’s happened when he was preparing a dinner surprise for you. he had his little missy help him out through the process, and everything was going according to plan until the batch of fresh cookie batter fell from his hands.
“oh fuck!” he had said, in panic, and scrambled to sweep them off the floor.
his little girl was standing there the whole time, staring at her papa. he quickly looks at her, “don’t say what papa said, okay? it’s a bad word.”
she frowned lightly, “then why did you say it, papa?”
“because—,” he took a deep breath, “papa made a mistake, but you have to be better than papa, please?”
your husband was worried the little devil wouldn’t let it slide and would hold it against him like she did with many other things; fortunately for him, though, she simply narrowed her eyes at him then quickly smiled with a nod, “okay!”
with a grin, he pulled her into his arms, “that’s papa’s girl!”
and so it was put behind them, never to be talked about. unbeknownst to your husband, however, the little girl has been practicing the word before she slept, muttering small little ‘fuck’s over and over again.
it was simple knowledge, only to be used in the far future, but how far?
anyway.
you guys are now on a family grocery trip, and your little daughter is more than ecstatic. she is running through the aisles, pointing and gaping at every product she sees—with occasional ew’s over others.
it was a fun time, but you had to actually get some of the necessities.
so you and satoru agreed to split up to make the search faster, and that’s why he and his little girl are roaming the store together.
d/n is seated comfortably in the cart as satoru pushes it, “okay, so mama said we need chicken strip, nuggets, milk, and butter—"
"yum!"
"—and frozen vegetables and peas.”
“ew.”
satoru nods, "ew, indeed," before planting a kiss on her cheek. "you really are my daughter!"
“yay!” she giggles, and politely asks to be picked up. the dramatic girl squeals until her feet touch the ground, and she bolts into the section of the frozen food. she points up, excited, “papa, there!”
your husband grins, “that’s right, smart girl!” he pats her head, and reaches for two bags of frozen vegetables, but, unfortunately, one slips out of his hand, “oh god—“
he bends down to pick it up, but he notices his daughter frowning at him, “what’s up, d/n?”
“papa, what the fuck.”
satoru’s eyes widen instantly as he gently holds her by the shoulders, “d-d/n, don’t say that,” he sweat-drops, “mama will get mad—“
“mad at what?” you smile at your family, finally back with your share of groceries.
your husband nervously chuckles, picking your little girl up and rocking her gently in his arms, “oh nothing! she was just playing with the bags, right, sweetie?”
d/n points at the bag on the ground, “papa dropped the fucking peas.”
the smile on your face tightens, “he did; didn’t he?” you step closer, and your husband freezes in place. you look sweetly at your daughter, “d/n, where did you hear that word?”
she tilted her head lightly, “which one?”
you’re gripping your husband’s hand tightly, preventing him from escaping. he will be facing your wrath today whether he likes it not. you hum, applying more pressure on his fingers and responding to your daughter, “the one that starts with the letter f, honey.”
she beams, “oh! I heard papa say it before!”
“really now?” your grip tightens and satoru swears that might pee himself right then and there. he also is fighting the need to scream. so you, for a moment, divert your attention to glare at him so he can compose himself.
and everyone knows that gojo satoru is a man weak, very weak, when it comes to his wife.
you look back at your daughter, “but seriously, don’t say that word again; it’s a bad word,” you pat her head, “good big girls don’t say bad words, right?”
she looks down at her feet and fidgets with her fingers, “yeah…but papa is big too!”
you pull your husband beside you, hand sliding around his waist, gripping him tightly, “papa can be a bad boy sometimes, but you are a good big girl,” you smile, “so you can do much better!”
you let go of your husband to hug your daughter, “promise me you won’t say it,” you stick your pinky finger out, and your daughter happily seals the deal.
“I promise, mama!”
"good girl; now, can you go to that nice lady and ask her where the tissues are?" you say as you plant a kiss on her cheek.
your little girl salutes you and immediately runs towards the woman, leaving you to deal with your other baby. you stand up to look at satoru. he takes a breath, “babe, you see—“
“you better pick your words correctly, ‘toru.”
he deflates and dejectedly wraps his arms around you, “I am sorry,” he grumbles, “I did tell her that it was a bad word though! I promise!”
you sigh and cup his face, “I know, I know, but you have to control your vocab around her as much as possible,” you turn your head to the cart full of a variety of candy. you frown, “why the fuck did you get so much candy, though? you know she would try to eat them all day—“
you hear a tiny gasp, “mama said a bad word!”
then you hear your husband using a high-pitched voice to mock you, “’ but you have to control your vocab around her as much as possible’.”
you stare at the both of them, before smiling, “both of you are grounded.”
“what?!”
satoru pouts, “you can’t ground me! I am your husband!”
“grounded,” you repeat, emphasizing each syllable.
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do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported
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bejeweledblondie · 7 months
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Simon “Ghost” Riley Headcannons
A/N: these are loosely inspired from real life experiences I’ve had living on a military base, these men have a on & off switch it’s crazy
Simon “Ghost” Riley x F! Reader
Warnings: NSFW
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• Simon first saw you while he was in the States for a training exercise, he was out at one of the local bars with some of the other soldiers he was with
• Soap had actually asked for your number first & since he was so intoxicated you turned him down
• Simon apologized for Soap & that’s how you met
• he did have a heart attack when he found out there was a bit of a age gap between you two but quickly got over it when he realized how mature you were
• it was a long distance relationship at first (from personal experience it sucks in the beginning)
• there were times when he couldn’t talk due to the risk of potentially exposing his teams location so you had to write letters every now & then
• you cried constantly whenever you saw some horrific news in the paper about what was going on overseas, the anxiety was awful
• but when he returned the reunions were euphoric
• you have a bottle of his cologne & aftershave so you can always feel close to him
• and you’d spray your perfume on the letters you sent so he couldn’t always smell the paper when he was missing you
• it took him sometime to open up to you about what had happened to him in his past, & your respected that
• when he first met your family, he was shocked by all the support he had received from them
• he asked your parents to marry you the first time he met them & showed them the ring too (ofc they said yes)
• he proposed to you in private after a nice dinner, he got choked up during the proposal
• your dad specifically was elated, he got to brag at how bad ass his son in law is
• your mom if she’s a teacher, had her entire class send cards, candy, anything they’d need in care packages Soap nearly cried when he opened the sweetest letter from a little girl (this actually happened irl my mom’s class did this & one guy got really choked up)
• Simon always would be your fiercest protector
• since he’s like an freakin tree he will guide your head with his bear paw of a hand in crowds
•he CANNOT sit with his back facing the door it stresses him out
•this man is strapped 24/7 whether that be a knife, bear spray etc. he’s ready
•he has a trauma kit in his car because “you never know”
•Simon is 1000% one of those apocalypse preppers you have freeze dried food, medicine, water, etc. he’s always on edge
• he sleeps with a damn rifle next to y’all’s bed
• you have a whole security system too
• your guy’s apartment is impeccable like you could eat off of the floor
• hell your guy’s bed has damn hospital corners
• Simon adopted a cat so you don’t feel as lonely when he’s deployed
• He’s your chonky boy & you do send plenty of photos to Simon when he’s deployed
• Gaz & Soap tease him about him living his “cat dad” life
• you start trying for a baby two years into your marriage
• Simon does fall victim to the “curse of the infantry” (which is not a negative thing btw it’s a running joke that infantry soldiers have all daughters) he makes girls
• he was deployed during your pregnancy & was worried sick he nearly missed the birth of your daughter
• that little girl is the most well protected baby in the whole world, the Task Force gifted him not just baby stuff but damn security for the nursery
• He watches your baby from his phone in the nursery on deployment, he was silently crying once when he was watching you sing a lullaby to your baby girl
•Price had to comfort him father to father
•In reality Simon has a very hard cold exterior at work for the sake of keeping his mental health for the profession he’s in but deep down he’s always held a soft spot & your relationship just brings it out
✨NSFW ✨
• there is a big size difference between you two & it drives him insane
• the first time y’all had together he didn’t want to break you in half
• when he returns from deployment y’all go at it like rabbits for multiple rounds, your poor pussy was so sore afterwards
• has a massive corruption & daddy kink
• he’s an ass man I don’t make the rules here so any position where your ass if the focal point is his favorite
• y’all have made so many sex tapes for him when he’s deployed, he has a whole folder on his phone & jerks off to them in the bathroom or the porta potty (it’s a canon event, trust me) to them
• he lets your cockwarm him constantly when you’re on the couch, when he’s working, hell y’all had even fallen asleep like that
• I know people say he has a Prince Albert piercing but alas per army regulation that is safety risk I think it’s more likely he’d use a cock ring on you
• during a military ball you two snuck off & fucked in a supply closet
• he couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel room after seeing you in your gown, it was red his favorite color
• and he just looked so fucking good in his dress uniform, that was the night you totally conceived your baby girl
• he groans into your ear when he cums & he’ll use his body to just eclipse yours
• “one more baby girl” & “c’mon pretty girl use your words tell me what you want”
• is a sucker for babydoll lingerie it brings your innocence & triggers his corruption kink
• moral of the story Simon Riley fucks
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singmyaubade · 1 year
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No Longer Yours
James Potter x Female!Reader
IB: In The Cold November Rain by @sweetsweetjellybean (Make sure to check it out, it’s incredible and one of the best I’ve ever read !)
A/N: First, I wanna say thank you to @sweetsweetjellybean for letting me be inspired by her story even though I am stupid, lol, but seriously (not kissing ass), check her series out; it is fantastic. Thank you to everyone for the kind comments, reblogs, and likes. I'm overwhelmed with love, and I'm so thankful that people actually want to read more of what I write but anyways, enjoy!
Summary: James had disregarded you for multiple years, but when you have an epiphany in your final year, how does it feel to taste his own medicine?
Warning: It may contain swearing and soon-to-be smut.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
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"Are you sure you don't want me to walk you all the way?" Your mother asked, squeezing your hand.
"I'll be fine," You caressed her hand, "I'm still your baby, though."
She laughed lightly, "Make sure to write always," She held your face with her hands, "Have fun; it's your last year."
You touched her hand on your cheek, "I will."
You hugged her one last time, taking in her scent. Every time you said bye to her, it was as sad as the first, without you crying and begging to stay.
"Okay," She smiled, taking her hands off your face, "Are you still sure you don't wanna wait for James here? I mean, you've done it all these years."
Little did she know, you had been ignoring James's letters, all 128 of them. He had been persistent, asking you what was wrong and begging for a reply to know you were safe.
You even received a letter from his mother, Euphemia Potter, asking how you were and everything was in Paris. You would never have it in your heart to ignore Ms. Potter, so you replied dutifully and happily.
And then you got a letter from him saying,
Dear Y/n,
Are you really going to reply to my mother and not me?
Sincerely,
Your BEST FRIEND, James Potter.
You didn't reply, scoffing at the bolded best friend. The last letter you received was last week, him telling you he couldn't wait to see you and wanted to talk as soon as he got to you.
Bullshit.
"Yeah," You gulped, "I'm just gonna meet him inside."
"Well, I'm sure he misses you," She started fixing your coat, "I mean, you have been in Paris all of this time, and I just think it would be good for you to-"
You cut her off, pecking her cheek, "Love you!" You yelled, going towards the train.
She shook her head, "Be safe!"
You smiled at her, going through the wall to the train. The feeling still felt the same, nostalgic. This was the last time boarding the train, and it felt sad.
You remembered the first time you ever boarded it. James was practically high on excitement on his first day at Hogwarts. You were scared out of your bloody mind, not wanting to leave your mum and dad.
When you had finally stopped crying and holding onto your mother's leg, James was the one to hold your hand and tell you that he would take care of you.
Maybe that was the first time you had realized James was more than a friend to you, or perhaps you were a naive child.
But either way, he was the one that you needed protecting from. You realized he hadn't been your friend since the fourth year.
But this year wasn't about James; it was about you having the best last year of Hogwarts that you could have ever had.
You boarded the train, moving through the compartments to where Marlene, Mary, Dorcas, and Lily usually were.
Compartment 222.
It was pretty lucky; it is where you guys first met.
You opened the compartment, "Did you guys miss me?"
They excitedly cheered, "Now tell me, Y/n, how many French boys did you end up shagging in France?" Marlene asked.
"I would say about thirty, oui oui." You joked in a French accent as they all started laughing.
You sat down next to Dorcas, giving her a side hug. You saw Lily and Mary whisper something to each other, to which Mary said, "Just say it!"
You could see Dorcas in the corner of your eye, shaking her head no aggressively. Apparently, Marlene was the only one not in the plan, continuing to look at her newsletter.
Your eyebrow raised, "Am I missing something?"
"It's really nothing," Lily nervously said.
"Okay, so what is it?" You laughed.
"Well," Lily fiddled with her fingers, "You know how you specifically requested that none of us tell James that you were replying to our letters and not purposely ignoring him."
You said, "Uhuh." Already knowing where this going.
"Well, I accidentally let it slip out over the letter you had spoken to Marlene and me." She admitted.
Your mouth agape, "Lily."
"I know, I know," She groaned, "It was a total accident."
"How do you accidentally slip something out over letter?" Marlene snorted, earning a glare from Lily, but she still looked at her newsletter.
"What did he say after?" You asked, kneading your forehead.
"Why is she ignoring me?" Lily answered, "I just said it was none of my business, nor was I involved."
The group stayed in silence, waiting for you to reply.
You sighed, thinking about how much James would bother you more now that he knew you ignored him.
"Are you mad at me?" Lily asked quietly.
"No, of course not," You smiled, looking at her, "I just don't want to talk to him and explain everything,"
"Who says you have to?" Mary asked.
You looked at her confused, "I just can't ignore him." You said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"And why not?" Marlene asked, now looking at you.
You opened your mouth to reply, but nothing came out. You thought about it harder, and why wouldn't you be able to ignore James? Maybe it was hard because you have never done it before.
"So I just don't reply when he tries to talk to me?" You asked.
"Well, I don't support this, but," Lily started, "You could always just walk away when he says something to you."
"Wouldn't that be mean?" You asked.
"What did I tell you in person and in the letter?" Dorcas asked as you looked at her.
"Give him hell."
"So do it." She said.
They were right; you couldn't keep explaining to James what he did wrong; you just had to be done with him. You missed your friendship, but it took a turn years ago; you never said anything.
And you had to start not caring about him.
"So, how was your guy's summer?" You changed the subject, grinning as Marlene went on about how she perfected her Quidditch skills and would finally be the best chaser at Hogwarts.
Then Lily talked about her poetry that she started over the summer and how her sister had ripped a few of them, but she fixed them with a single swish of her wand and appreciated magic more.
Mary talked about how many soap operas she had seen and how she might even go into it after she graduates from Hogwarts.
Lastly, Dorcas talked about how this year was her year to be a seeker and how she got a whole book collection from her sister in New Zealand.
You began talking about how you tasted so many new foods and learned a bit of French, showing off your knowledge of the profound language.
You were interrupted by someone opening the compartment doors, "Hello," Remus greeted as you stood up to hug him immediately.
He caught you as you almost made him fall over by the movement, "Remmy, how much I have missed you," You said, kissing him on the cheek.
"And Y/n, how was France?" He asked, smiling.
"Quite a bore; every man was all over me; I was getting exhausted," You exhaled, sitting back in your seat.
"Well, if you ever want to get with a real man, I'm here, Y/n," Sirius said, nudging next to you as you looked disgusted.
"Did you have to bring him?" Dorcas asked Remus, rolling her eyes.
"He insisted," Remus shrugged.
"There needs to be some form of restraining order against him by all of us," Mary sighed.
"I thought his STDs were enough of a restraining order for us to keep away from him," Marlene teased.
Sirius interrupted before another insult could be made, "Ladies, this Sirius Black hate train is honestly starting to hurt," He pretended to be hurt.
"Aww, poor baby," You said in a baby voice, pinching his cheek as he swooshed your hand away.
"Now, Y/n, why are you ignoring poor Prongs?" Sirius asked as you wanted to throw him out of the train through the window.
"I thought he told you to dance around the question," Remus snorted.
Sirius disregarded, "What did my poor, stupid boy do this time?"
"I'm afraid it's none of your business, Black." You simply said.
"It is my business when my friend is sulking and bringing down my mood," He explained, "So why are you upset with him?" He asked.
Marlene abruptly laughed, "I'm sorry, but he really thought you would be the one Y/n would say something to,"
Sirius fake-laughed, "Oh McKinnon, I'll be laughing like that when you fall off of your arse on the field,"
Marlene mocked his facial expression as he did the same thing to her.
"May I please just arrive in peace without one word of James Potter? I'm begging." You reasoned.
"Well, at least I can tell him I tried and that Moony was no help." He glared at Remus.
"I told you I wasn't going to talk to her for him; it was all up to you," Remus said as Sirius went outside, and Remus waved everyone goodbye before closing the doors.
You could already tell it was going to be a long year.
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After finally sorting the first year, everyone was allowed to dine. One thing you always missed about Hogwarts was the fantastic food; it was always incredible.
You were sitting in between Remus and Dorcas when Remus abruptly got up.
"Where are you going?" You asked, mid-laugh from a joke Marlene had made about Dumbledore and McGonagall in their secret chamber.
"Don't kill me," Remus stated before leaving. You looked confused, and James took the spot in front of you. You rolled your eyes, turning back to your meal.
"Please talk to me, Y/n," James pleaded.
You continued to stay silent, not even giving him a look as you looked at Marlene. She shook her head, and you continued to eat.
"I just wanna know what I did," James begged.
When you still didn't respond, he grabbed ahold of your wrist in an attempt for you to look at him.
"Don't fucking touch me." You spat before getting up and leaving the dining hall, telling your friends you were just gonna meet them in the dorm.
You tried rushing to the common room, but James was behind you.
"Y/n!" He yelled, speed-walking after you.
You continued to ignore him, going to the common room until you were stuck with the singing lady at the door who would not give it a rest.
"You have to talk to me," James demanded while the lady continued to screech.
"I don't have to do a thing you say," You scoffed, "In fact, I would prefer if you screwed off and stopped talking to me."
You went to one of the corridors, trying to escape him, but he followed you.
"Can't you just explain to me what I could've done for you to treat me like this?" He said roughly.
You turned to him, "There is not a single, simple explanation of what you could've done; there is a book of things," You snapped, "And treat you like this? Ever since I fucking stepped foot into your life, you have continued to treat me like shit." You stepped closer, "I stuck with you despite Lily, despite what other people said, and despite what you have shown me."
He continued to stay silent, "And now that I finally stick up for myself, I've done you horribly? Bullshit." You spat, "You have continued to show me exactly why I will never ever love you again, and yeah, for a matter of fact, I did love you, but you don't deserve me and never will."
Your words shocked him, not being able to mutter a word.
"Now you have nothing to say?" You manically laughed, "The smooth-talking and fantastic golden boy that shocked the century has nothing to say? What a pathetic-"
He kissed you suddenly precipitously, his tongue entering your mouth, entangling with yours.
For a second, you were drunk on his mouth, engaging with his kiss with as much passion as he gave you. His hand pulls on your hair lightly, making you moan.
His lips went from your mouth to your neck, sucking hard, red marks into your skin, knowing it would bruise.
Then you remembered everything. You remembered James's bitter words, his voice mocking you, and the boys laughing in the locker room.
You pushed his hard chest off you, breathing hard from the whole interaction. He looked at you, breathing as hard as you; realizing what he had done, he tried to touch your hand, but you pushed him again.
Tears brimmed in your eyes, "You're such an asshole," You cried, going to the Gryffindor common room.
You rushed up the stairs, immediately going into your bed. You couldn't believe what had just happened.
A part of you wanted to be grateful, grateful that you pushed him off, and realized that he only wanted to be with you when he felt convenient.
Another part of you wanted to continue kissing him, laughing with him, hugging him. You knew it wouldn't be easy, but you had never figured it would be painful.
What if you had loved James for so long that you didn't know anything but to love him?
It was stupid and pathetic.
You were tired of being stupid and pathetic, you just wanted to move on from James Potter and get away from him, and if that wasn't possible, you had to make him regret being friends with you in the first place.
So you did.
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You got up fresh and early in the morning when all of your roommates were sleeping, taking a shower immediately.
You looked in the mirror, your mascara smudged and dark red and purple hickies wearing your skin. You placed a shit-load of powder and concealer to cover up the parts you could.
You tried several spells to cover it up as best as possible, changing into your uniform.
You slipped into the most showing tights you could and wore your skirt from the fifth year that you so obviously outgrew, showing almost your ass cheeks.
You would be thankful not to get a write-up from McGonagall.
You unbuttoned two buttons off the top of your shirt, showing a tiny bit of your bra. It wasn't the most rebellious or seductive, but it could work.
The first challenge of that day was Potions; all of your friends were there, including all of the Marauders. But, thanks to Merlin was also Jacob Carrow's class, the Slytherin Captain that James hated with a burning passion.
They both could not be in the same room without spitting a hateful insult at the other. James once had a dream that you and Jacob had gone out, and he refused to talk to you for an entire day until you convinced him you would never do that.
You never considered yourself a liar.
The only problem was that Jacob was a dickhead, but so was James. You were surprised they didn't get along, maybe in another life.
You went inside Potions with your friend group, and you spotted Jacob Carrow in the back with an empty seat next to him as you told your friends you were gonna sit in the back.
You were thankful none of his friends were around him; it would be ten times more unbearable.
You sat next to him with a wide grin painted on your face, trying not to show your pain.
"Sitting next to me, Y/n?" He smirked, "I thought you were Potter's little puppy."
You tried to ignore your annoyance, "Pets tend to lean away from their owner at points; I guess that's my case." You shrugged.
"I am no Potter; I don't like having little girls follow me and do my shit for me." You could tell he was insulting you, but you stood tall.
"Good thing girls don't like to be in your presence." You snickered.
He smiled, "Love a kitty with claws," He leaned into his chair, "What do you want?"
"Do I have to want something?" You asked, popping your chest out to show your tits as he looked down at your face.
"You finally trying to make your boy toy jealous?" He asked.
You dropped the facade, "Are you gonna help me or not?"
"Control the temper, baby; I just wanna know what's in it for me." His body faced you.
"Isn't James being angry enough?" You asked.
"Nah, I can piss off Potter by just existing." He replied.
"What do you want?" You asked, half-annoyed.
"Meadows on a date with me."
You laughed, "Dorcas would never go on a date with you."
"Then no deal." He said with a fake smile.
"Ugh, fine, I'll talk to her if you just make James's life hell for a few minutes." You said.
"Okay, deal." He smiled, "Do you want me to touch you or,"
"Sure, but don't overdo it." You warned.
"I love when you flatter yourself." He said as James walked in, laughing with the Marauders.
Jacob immediately placed a hand on your thigh, slightly higher than preferred, but you continued smiling.
You started fake-laughing at Jacob's joke, which immediately caught James's attention. You looked behind you, and James's head looked like it would explode.
You looked back at Carrow, touching his shoulder and admiring how much muscle he had.
"What else do you want me to do?" He said through his teeth.
"I'll scoot closer to you, and you can put your hand on my waist." You suggested as he nodded.
You faced the front as Jacob touched your waist, tickling you with his fingers as you laughed.
"Mind keeping it down?" James scowled, "Not everyone wants to fucking hear that shit."
"How about you piss off, Potter?" Jacob mocked as he gripped your waist tighter, which pissed off James even more.
Before James could say another word, Slughorn started the class.
Throughout the class, Jacob would squeeze your thigh or tickle you, almost rising to touch your tits. Whenever he did those actions, you would giggle, earning daggers from James.
Once Slughorn instructed everyone to look inside their microscopes at the different ingredients used in Veritaserum, you took the opportunity to sit on Jacob's lap, looking in the microscope as he bounced you with his knee, causing you to laugh.
This really pissed James off, him storming up to you both. He grabbed your arm, practically flying you off of Jacob.
"Mr. Potter!" Slughorn yelled as the class watched the entire thing.
"Don't you dare fucking touch her," James said brusquely.
Jacob scoffed, "What will you do about it, Potter?" He stood, going closer to James.
You rolled your eyes due to the amount of testosterone in this conversation.
James got closer as you grabbed his hand, pushing him back, "Stop it." You said to him as he looked at you.
He grabbed your wrist, dragging you out of the classroom to an abandoned bathroom.
"James, let go of me!" You yelled as he pushed you inside the bathroom.
He was fuming, and you could tell which scared you. You hadn't seen him this angry since he lost a Quidditch match against the very man's lap you were on.
"You dragged me in here, so is there something you have to say?" You looked at him angrily, hands on your hips.
"Us not being friends anymore doesn't allow you to be a slut," He ridiculed.
You slapped him, "Don't you fucking dare call me a slut; I can do whatever the fuck I want,"
He wiped his mouth with a smile, "You think he gives a shit about you? He would fuck you and then dump you." He said as he moved closer, and you backed up.
"You don't know a thing," You replied nervously.
"He wouldn't even clean you up after," He continued, "He would let you rot there like a slut," Another step closer, which you took backward. You didn't understand if he purposely tried to intimidate or lecture you.
He didn't stop.
"He would tell all of his friends after," Another step, "He wouldn't dare spare you a minute after," Another step, "You would mean nothing," You were backed into the wall now, "But it's okay because you can do whatever the fuck you want."
"James." You kept eye contact with him, his eyes beaming into yours.
His mouth lowered to your ear, "But I think you want me to give a shit; you wanna see me mad." His hand snaked to your waist, "I guess you win." His body left yours, storming out of the bathroom.
Did you really win?
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A/N: Y/n: 2, James 0??? There is also an alternate chapter to this because I couldn't stop writing two plots LOL.
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whorekneecentral · 6 months
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Only The Best For You
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Kimi Raikkonen x Fem!Reader
Warnings: dad's best friend!kimi, reader is 20/21 - reader is old enough to make her own decisions, your dad isn't pleased with the gift, one mention of alcohol and one mention of death, sexual tension, kinda power imbalance, kimi gives into the intrusive thoughts, nipple play, fingering for like 0.2 seconds, one use of the word 'daddy' in a sexual way, penetrative sex (p in v), gagging, finger sucking, 'whore' used in a sexual/degrading term.
Word Count: 2,400
Author's Note: for all my dad best friend freaks and the kimi whores, this one's for you <3 -- also ignore that it's gucci in the pic but it's something different in the fic loool I couldn't find a different pic I liked.
merry smutmas series
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Kimi spends the holidays with his old friends. He doesn’t forget you; bringing you exactly what you had been wishing for and you make sure to thank him.. properly.
An old L/N family tradition.
Since you were a child, your parents and grandparents allowed you to open one gift from them on Christmas eve, letting you enjoy the magic of Christmas a few hours early.
You were grown up now, in college and your grandparents had sadly passed on but your parents kept the tradition going. You had come home for Christmas break and it was Christmas Eve. Your parents have just finished dinner and you have moved to the living room.
It was yourself, your parents and your dad's best friend, Kimi. You had known Kimi your whole life practically but he was always away racing so you never saw much of him until lately, now that he's officially retired - for good this time.
"Shall we open gifts?" Your father asks, walking into the living room. He passed a glass of what looks like whiskey to Kimi, who was next to you, before sitting beside your mother.
She looks over at her husband. "Honey, isn't she too grown for that?"
Your father rolls his eyes, shaking his head. "It's a family tradition, now hush. Go pick a present."
Your mum picks first, picking one from your father that just so happened to be the new perfume she wanted. Your father was next and he picked out one from you. It's a story book he used to read to you as a kid, you had written all of your favourite memories of the two of you inside of it. You made him cry, both you and Kimi laughing about that.
"Go ahead, sweetheart." Your father nods towards the tree, you move from the couch to the floor, kneeling in front of the tree to pick out a gift.
A gift sticks out to you; red wrapping paper with little elves of it and your name written in cursive across the front of it. You pick it up, shaking it a bit to see what was in it.
It felt hard, as if it was a box. You looked towards your parents, "is it from you guys?"
Your dad looks towards your mom; she took care of all of the holiday shopping. The woman shakes her head, "it's not from us, sweetie."
The gift on your lap when you glance over your shoulder at Kimi. He gives you a small smile, so small you almost miss it.
He nods towards the gift, waiting for you to open it. You rip the wrapping paper very carefully, revealing the red box underneath; the gold lettering was cursive - Cartier.
Your jaw was already dropping, looking back at the man. "You didn't," you say and he nods again, waiting for you to open the box to see what was inside.
"Kimi, what did you do?" Your mother asks, looking over at your father. He was never one for brands or jewellery, he didn't realize that buying something there automatically was an expensive purchase.
Lifting the cover carefully, the velvet black fabric inside the box held a white gold chain, blue sapphires set along the entire thing.
If your jaw wasn't already on the floor, it would be now. "Kimi!" You turned to face the man, setting the box on the couch carefully. "You did not!"
"I did," he nods. He's always been a man of very few words; more of an action rather than words type of guy.
"What is it?" Your father asks and you hand the red box over to him for him to see.
He shows your mother as he holds the box, he doesn't realize that he's holding a little over €40,000 in his hands at the moment. "Oh Kimi, it's beautiful." Your mother gushes, handing it back over to you.
You were still on the floor, admiring the necklace in the box. "Well, turn around." Kimi says and you do, sitting just between his legs.
He reaches over to take the box from you and carefully takes the chain out of its box before you lift your hair. Kimi leans forwards and you can feel his fingers brush against your skin and his breath on your shoulders when he loops it around your neck and hooks the clasp.
"It looks gorgeous on you, darling." Your mom says, smiling at you.
Your phone's in one hand and your other hand gently touches the chain, straightening it as you admired how it looked on you. "Kimi, this is too much. It's so expensive." You whisper to him and he shrugs.
"How expensive are we talking?" Your father finally speaks, looking over at his friend.
Kimi answers nonchalantly; "Like.. €40,000."
Your father instantly sits up, his jaw hanging open. "What?! Kimi, are you out of your mind?"
"Please," he looks over at his friend in disapproval. His hand rests on your shoulder, his thumb passing over your soft skin. "She's a good girl, she deserves it."
You can't help but shift a bit when he calls you a good girl, the words hitting you right where you shouldn't. It was wrong, he was your father's friend and you were.. well, you were attracted to him. You couldn't deny it; Kimi was an attractive man and despite his lack of words, he was very charming.
"Y/n, say thank you. You can't not say it when he's spent so much." Your father tells you, and you turn around to face Kimi.
"Thank you, Kimi," you smiled at him, sitting on your knees when you reached up to give the man a hug. His arms wrapped around you, his warm hand pressed to your back. "You're welcome, angel."
Another nickname that hits you in all the wrong places.
--
As the night goes on, your parents head up for bed as do you. Kimi was the last one to bed from your understanding and as the house grew quiet, you tossed and turned, unable to sleep.
You find yourself sat on your bed, pjs on - a tank top and a pair of shorts with a €40,000 chain around your neck.
It was nearing 3am, the witching hours as your mum says. You find yourself getting up and heading downstairs. The initial thought was to go to the kitchen and get a glass of water but you got side tracked when you see a light coming from Kimi's room.
You knock, peeking around the space left between the door frame and the actual door. "Come in," he waves to you and you step in, shutting the doors behind you. The TV was on, a rerun of some show you couldn't quite place was on.
"What are you doing up?" He asks, glancing at his phone to check the time. "Do you know how late it is?"
"I couldn't sleep," you tell him, looking over at the TV. "Can I join you?"
He shrugs, nodding towards the empty space next to him. You quietly make your way over, sitting next to him on the bed. Kimi don't miss the way your shorts hike up when you crawl over to the empty spot; it's so wrong for him to be looking at you like that but can you blame the man? You were gorgeous and you were in his bed after all.
The two of you sit quietly, watching as the show rolls on into another episode. You unconsciously play with the chain, shifting it back and forth slowly.
Kimi looks over at you, smiling to himself; you were the picture of beauty.
"You're staring," you mumble, glancing at him. He smiles, like actually smiles. "You're beautiful."
Your cheeks are red, you hope that the light coming from the tv isn't bright enough for him to realize that just yet.
"It looks good on you," he says, "like it was made for you."
"Blue has always been my favourite colour." You smiled, glancing down at the chain. "Did you pick it yourself?"
He nods, "I saw it and thought of you, I figured you'd like it."
"I do, very much." You look over at him, Kimi smiles at you and your hand shifts from your thigh to his, rubbing along it softly. Kimi's brows furrow ever so slightly. He doesn't say anything, hoping that you'd stop if he ignores it.
You were persistent.
Your hand travels higher, about to rub over the ever so evident bulge in his shorts but Kimi catches your hand, holding your wrist. "We can't, y/n."
"Why not?"
"It's wrong," he whispers, glancing at the door - you weren't sure if he wanted you to leave or if he was catching to see if it was locked. You wiggle your hand from his grasp, Kimi lets out a small breath of relief; see, the man was stupid enough to think you were stopping.
You didn't stop. Instead, you got on his lap, straddling him with your hands on his shoulders. Kimi's hand rests on your lower back as he looks at you.
"Let me thank you properly," you whisper, lips ghosting over his.
Kimi reaches up, his lips pressed to yours but he's yet to kiss you. "You don't have too."
"I want to.. I want you," you mumbled, finally kissing the man. Your hand cupping his jaw, Kimi's hand slips under the tank top you had on and slides up your back to undo your bra but finds you don't have one on.
Kimi pushes the straps of your tank top down off your shoulders. You sat comfortably on his lap, letting him have his way with you and the man wanted one thing. He leans forward, arms wrapped around you as his lips wrap around your nipple.
“Kimi, fuck- please.” You mumble, your hand tangled in his blonde hair, tugging on it. As such as you loved the attention, you needed him.
He glances up at you, watching as your eyes fluttered shut. He groans when you pull on his hair a little harder but what's a little pain when he's making you feel good?
It was heavy, heated.
His hands on your body, pulling you over and onto him. You were perched on his lap, Kimi's hands on your ass when he kissed you again.
Not a word is spoken between the two of you and what little clothes you had on was gathered in a pile on the floor when he rolls you two over. You were flat on your back with Kimi settled between your legs.
“Please,” your hand rested on his jaw, “daddy, please.”
The pet name makes his cock twitch; it's sinful, so sinful in so many ways but he couldn't care less. You drove him mad.
His hand slips between the two of you, his fingers rubbing slow circles on your clit. Your hips lift, wanting more from him.
Kimi’s hand wandered a little lower, a finger pushed in slowly. He can feel how wet you are, wrapped around his finger and he smiles.
He moves his finger slowly, curling it. He takes pleasure in watching you, seeing how your face twists and how your body reacts to his touch.
"Please," you whimpered, "don't make me wait."
Kimi can't bring himself to say no to you.
He sits, pushing his shorts down and you get the hint, getting on top of him. Your hands grip on his shoulders, balancing yourself. Your knees on either side of his lap, Kimi's hand reaches under you to help you, the tip of his cock brushing against your clit, making your hip shift forward a bit. His free hand on your hip as you sink down onto him, his name tumbling from your lips.
You take a moment to get used to the feeling, your eyes fluttering shut as he rubs along your lower back, leaning into you to kiss down your neck.
You rock your hips forward and Kimi's head drops back, his eyes now closed. “Fuck, you’re perfect.” His hand pats your hip, “made just for me.” He tells you, your lips now on his neck - a trail of marks and sloppy kisses being left along his neck.
He pulls one of your legs up forward, pulling you down further. “Fuck,” you breathe, his thrusts faster and harder. How you wished you could scream his name right now. Kimi's hand drops between the two of you, rubbing your clit.
Your head falls back, manicured nails digging into his pale skin when he hits the spot he was looking for. He watches as you bounce on his lap, the sapphires around your neck bouncing in rhythm with you. His fingers that were previous on your clit now shoved into your mouth to muffle the sounds tumbling from your lips.
Your brows furrowed, an excited look on your face despite it all. You can feel his cock twitch in you, his lips next to your ear when he leans in.
"You've got to be quiet, angel. Wouldn't want them to catch you being a whore for me, hm?
You mumble something along an okay, your hips bucking, telling him you want more. Your tongue laps around his fingers, Kimi watches as you suck on them. There's a wicked smile on his face, his hips lifting to meet you halfway.
He lets you take over, setting the pace and using him for your own pleasure. Kimi leans forward as his lips wrap around your nipple. His tongue lapped over your nipple, biting on it softy; just enough to get you to arch your back, pushing into him.
“Come on darling,” he mumbles against your skin, now kissing up to your collarbone. Kimi's hand behind your neck to pull you down for a kiss. “Want you to cum for me.”
His arms wrap around you when you drop against him, your face buried against his shoulder, biting down to muffle the sounds. “Good girl,” he hums, rubbing your back.
Your heart beats out of your chest as you catch your breath. Kimi smiles, kissing along your shoulder. "Feel good?" He asks and you mumble something, your head resting on his shoulder.
"I take it I should spoil you more often, hm?" He chuckles, making you smile when you sit up. Kimi straightens your necklace, kissing your chin.
You shake your head and smile. "Don't have to spoil me for me to do that."
Kimi smiles at you, giving you a kiss. "Merry Christmas, y/n."
"Merry Christmas, Kimi."
--
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motherofagony · 6 months
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FIRE WALK - one shot
joel miller x f!reader
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pairing: au, no outbreak!joel x f!reader rating: explicit, 18+, minors dni word count: 6.5k summary: a chance encounter at a motel has you crossing paths with a stranger in a blue t-shirt. content warnings + tags: age gap (we'll say 15-20 years), very brief references to past non-con encounters (not with joel, no details just shitty men in general), soft!joel, alcohol, mentions of family trauma and ab*se, unprotected piv, fingering, oral (f + m receiving), A Scene With a Belt™, slight mentions of reader's clothing but no physical descriptions otherwise, love as consumption and women as fruit a/n: this was a brain-worm of a one shot, so i had to press pause on AHFE and get it out. consider it a dirty love letter to strangers with stories in shitty motels. and i have to give the biggest thank-you to @iamskyereads for stepping in and offering to be my beta reader in the final hour. she was so unbelievably thorough and thoughtful and kind. i owe you big.
New-age boogeymen hang two-way mirrors and jiggle motel door handles with broken hangers.
That’s what the news says.
August licks an unforgiving line of heat up your back, and cutoff denim and halter tops do nothing but give the sun more skin to burn. 
It’s sweltering, brutal as an Arizona summer is, and The Palms Motel promises a pool and a mini bar on their dirty marquee. You’ll take what you can get, can’t really afford to be picky with fifty dollars in your pocket, but at least maybe you’ll live like royalty tonight.
Some guy you met — Tom, Tim, Jim, whoever — pulls his convertible up to the front office. Your knees knock together over the speed bump, cartilage kissing bone.
It’s the closest you’ve ever come close to a chauffeur, but the chauffeur you see in movies doesn’t usually take liberties with trying to work his grease-speckled mechanic hand up the passenger’s shirt.
You met him at a gas station in Tucson, thumbing your way from northern Texas to put as much distance between you and your whiskey-breathed dad as you could. He’d torn your clothes apart at the seams with his eyes when he spotted you in the parking lot, swimming in blood-infested waters with sharp, sharp teeth.
There was no plan, no directions penned and cities circled on a folded map, just glass in your hair and a final straw.
He asked if you could buy him some booze — revoked license, baby, y’know how that goes — and you shouldn’t have, but when he flashed a leather wallet thick with cash, you knew you’d be stupid not to.
You hid behind a shelf inside the gas station while he idled in the parking lot and plucked a fifty from the wad, stuffing it deep in your bag. You grabbed some shitty malt-something from a fridge along with a 6-pack, flashing the slack-jawed cashier a wink. 
He didn’t try to hide the eye contact with your tits, but neither do most men. Sometimes you milk it in your favor, sometimes it just makes your lunch rise to the back of your throat.
And when you’re by yourself, it’s hot iron, ready to strike. A doe in their headlights, a buck with a nice rack. Skipping through the center of their bullseye.
You bought a little palm-sized bottle for yourself and tucked it safely next to the stolen cash in the abyss of your purse. These tiny cons got you by, made power surge deep in your belly. It made loneliness feel worth it, knowing you had an upper hand to lean on if you were ever in a bind.
He bitched about inflation when you came out with less than was reasonable for the amount you spent, and you just shrugged. Not your cash, not your problem. 
You bartered for a ride to the nearest motel, and now Tom-Tim-Jim is asking you over the purr of the engine if you need company for the night.
If you were feeling a little more you, you might’ve taken him up on it. Maybe he would’ve even paid for the room, maybe he wouldn’t get angry like your dad does. Maybe he’d be able to fuck you without hitting you.
You’re good at diffusing the temper in most men, can touch them in ways that make them grit their teeth, can be a good girl and go fetch.
But you’re not in the mood to bend, to give someone’s son — someone’s husband with a tan line around their ring finger — a place to wipe their shoes on. You don’t feel like wiping their dirt, your mascara from your eyes and saying thank you while they zip up their pants.
And you sure as fuck don’t fancy being on a milk carton.
“I’m alright, sugar. Thanks for the ride,” you say, dipping your chin to peer over your sunglasses. “I know where to find you, don’t worry.”
Yeah fuckin’ right.
He doesn’t try to conceal his disappointment, just sucks his teeth and squeezes at the exposed skin of your thigh. His way of saying goodbye to something he could’ve dripped sweat on, came in too early. You think your flesh might rot off in chunks. 
You open the door and swing your legs out in a way that’s a little too eager.
Tom-Tim-Jim waves solemnly with two fingers up and two bent, and then he’s gone in an aggressive rev.
The motel might’ve been a kitschy dream in its heyday. It’s not a total dump; more of a vintage skeleton of washed-out pink and umbrellas that’ve been ripped by weather and overuse. There are a million faded emblems of cartoonish palm trees. It’s almost endearing how tragic it is.
You can tell that it was popular and swarming with tourists at one time — there are dusty, water-stained pamphlets lining the wall next to the front desk that brag Named one of Arizona’s top destinations in 1996!
A mounted fan whirs and oscillates, but it might as well be someone blowing hot breath down your neck. 
There’s a tired woman holding down the fort at the desk with a name tag that claims Brenda, and she looks surprised to see you. You figure most customers are stopping in for a night’s rest on the way to somewhere more important, their final destination. But you don’t look like you have anywhere better to be.
“Hey, honey,” Brenda trickles, laced with an accent that’s more New Orleans than Arizona. “Need a room?”
“Yeah, just for the night,” you say, fishing out your wallet with confidence that doesn’t meet your eyes. “How much?”
“Forty-five a night, ‘less you wanna upgrade to the honeymoon suite.” She looks somewhere over your shoulder.
That’s nearly everything you have, but it sounds a lot like tomorrow’s problem. At least you’ll be safe tonight from the prowling stares of nighttime predators, and the leftover change will give you a decent vending machine dinner.
“Just a normal room’s fine,” you smile, sliding over the crumpled, stolen fifty.
Brenda types busily on the keyboard, asking for your name but nothing else. And when she hands you a plastic keycard, you finally relax your shoulders. Untangle the nerves in your lower back that are choking one another.
Room 17, it reads. Your oasis awaits!
You thank her, spin on your heel, and immediately bump chest to chest with something hard.
You’re eye level with a worn, cornflower blue t-shirt, ringed with a light stain of sweat at the collar. They’re grasping both of your arms to steady you, and you’re snagging the gaze of a tousled man with a bag slung over his shoulder.
“Watch where you’re goin’,” he murmurs, but it isn’t reprimanding or mean like you’re used to, just sickly sweet and Texan. Syrupy in a way that drips right down between your legs.
You don’t remember seeing anyone else in the lot when you’d pulled up. And the stealth of him entering soundlessly behind you sends a jolt of electricity up your spine, the clench of something that would be fear if it were any other stranger.
But he doesn’t look at you with intent to devour or to claim. Just eyes you like you’re anyone else. An equal. The bare minimum, but rare and shiny nonetheless.
“Sorry,” you breathe, and he’s releasing you a little too quickly for your liking. Leaving brands on the creases of where your forearms meet upper and elbow.
“Don’t worry ‘bout it.”
So you don’t.
You brush past him on the way out, a polite nod. And that’s that. 
The heat is the kind that feels hotter, unbearable when paired with the shrill sing of cicadas. An endless buzzing that you think might be the sun sizzling on the concrete. If you stood in one place for too long, your flip flops might very well melt you in place.
Your room key clicks to unlock Room 17, and you push the door open to a heavy, humid space that smells vaguely of mold. You’re so grateful for the privacy that you can’t even bring yourself to wrinkle your nose.
Flip flops discarded, your toes sink into shag carpet — a dirty luxury that makes you moan. It’s only been two days since you left home, fled home, but it beats sleeping with one eye open on a bus stop bench.
You up-end your leather bag, dumping all of its contents onto the bed. Cigarettes, some loose film canisters, your toothbrush, a lighter. There wasn’t much time to pack, nothing worth bringing, and the less, the better. Nothing to weigh you down if you had to dip at a moment’s notice.
It takes you only a couple minutes and a light sheen of sweat to realize that the A/C is busted. Smothered, you try to crack open a window in the bathroom, but it’s no cooler than the hell you’re standing in.
When you let Brenda know, she just shrugs with an apologetic kind of half-smile.
“Most of ‘em are out these days, honey,” she says, and you decide then that it’s a small price to pay. “We got someone comin’ to look at it next week.”
You shoot her a smile, figure that she’s had enough rotten backtalk in her day. You scoop a set of flamingo-themed matches from the bowl on the counter and turn around, only to see a familiar blue shirt waiting his turn.
His eyes try not to roam, but he’s giving you a nod and stepping up without hesitation, asking Brenda for extra towels.
The way that she titters and blushes, you’d think he’d asked if he could spit in her mouth.
It irritates you, and you can’t say why.
The door chimes behind you as it closes, and you linger, striking a match and lighting a cigarette. When he emerges, a stack of towels so high it’s hitting his chin, you step in stride on the walk back. Tracing his footsteps, catching up with his shadow.
“You followin’ me?” you quip, a cigarette dangling from your mouth. The cherry ignites on every breath, smoke erupting in tendrils that hug each word.
He answers with a laugh, turns and squints back at you with one eye. Almost as if he was expecting you to ask.
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you, sweetheart? Could say the same to you.”
You stop in front of 17, hand over your brow to shield from the sun that’s winding its way down, getting ready to tuck itself in for the night. There’s nothing that touches your tongue that doesn’t sound exactly like a fuck yes. So you don’t say anything.
“Enjoy your sauna,” he chuckles over his shoulder, passing you with his towels on the way to Room 20.
Led Zeppelin filters out through the radio, half-static, half-electric. Your legs are crossed in the air behind you, and you’re posted up face down on the bed, kicking along to the beat while you flip through whatever Cosmopolitan someone left behind in a drawer.
Someone raps a few times on the door, and if it’s a repairman, they’re getting their fucking dick sucked.
You army-roll off the flowery duvet, abandoning a how-to on finding your g-spot, and you peer through the peephole.
Your breath hitches on a soft swear.
When you open the door, you see Blue T-Shirt standing there, skin creasing around his eyes slyly. An unopened beer hangs and swings from his restless fingers. He offers it up wordlessly, the butt of it pointed at you.
It’s ice-cold and slippery to the touch, erupting goosebumps on your forearm. Saliva coats your tongue, and you don’t think it’s the thirst for alcohol, but maybe the tall drink of water. 
“Um… thanks?”
“Figured you’d either be dead by now or parched,” he says smugly, and it’s velvet to your ears.
“Oh. Yeah, thanks. I got the fan to work at least,” you mutter, jerking your thumb vaguely behind you.
“Listen, uh —”
He’s rubbing the nape of his neck, and you catch the way the network of muscles flex from his elbow to the seam of his armpit. He looks like he’s in pain, struggling with the fit of a puzzle piece into something rough and jagged.
Something he shouldn’t be trying but has to see it through, exhaust it until it’s definite one way or the other.
You just squint, sucking in the corner of your lip between your teeth. You nearly grin, but it’s much more fun to watch than to connect the dots for him.
“A/C works in my room, so ‘f you wanted to… y’know,” he trails off, not even sure in his own offer. “No pressure. It’s hot as hell outside, don’t want you t’get heat stroke ‘f I can help it.”
This kind of approval you like. This kind that sizzles girl-honey between your legs, winning it from a man that’s playing to earn, not to cheat.
“I try not to make a habit out of going into motel rooms of guys I don’t know the names of,” you harp sweetly. But it might as well be a done-deal.
“D’you make a habit outta accepting beers from ‘em?”
You smile. Typically, yes.
“Joel.”
His hand shoots out, strong and suggestive. Fingers like alligator teeth that’ll grip you, hold you under until you thrash. 
And you pluck your cigarettes and gifted liquor bottle from the bed, arms full when you carry them down to Joel’s room.
You’re sprawled on the full-size bed next to his, head propped up on hand propped up on elbow.
You’ve been trading your little fist of bourbon back and forth, swapping stories in the same way. Somehow, you fall into it easy like old friends, and it’s nice to follow someone’s lead instead of keeping one step, three, seven steps ahead. Arm outstretched to the door knob, feet ready to break into a run at the change in tone, blackening of pupils.
Without meaning to, you’ve wordlessly agreed that the person in possession of the bottle has the proverbial mic, and they swig to help with details and theatrics. It’s counter-productive in flow, but it makes you laugh when Joel exaggerates the story he’s telling on purpose, reaching out to pass it back and suddenly yanking it back, remembering a shade of gray or a funny expression.
Your knuckles keep zapping each other, brushing a little longer than the time before. There’s no numbness to consensual touch.
Joel’s mid-40s. From Texas, like you. He came to visit his daughter Sarah at college, says she’s growin’ up too fast, doesn’t need her old man anymore. It’s a thrill to see someone talk about their own flesh with love, admiration for who she is and who she’s becoming. You find yourself leaning in, enraptured that there are no IOUs or fine-print that you know to come with a parent’s love.
Mentions of his stubborn brother Tommy who he works with and who just can’t stop getting into trouble. The unspoken guilt that maybe he could be the one to keep him out of jail if he tried harder. It doesn’t work that way, and you tell him so.
You tell him about your dad when he asks about your life, your story, and you don’t know why you do but maybe you know exactly why. No one ever gets close enough to ask, so it comes leaking out of the corners of your mouth.  
You’ve never told anyone, not even your diary, not even the guidance counselor who slipped a note to your fifth grade teacher and pulled you out of class. Shaky fingers, shaky limbs when they asked if they could roll up your sleeves just to see and you said no. 
Crying because you knew your dad wouldn’t let you go back. Not to school, not to your friends.
You omit the nitty-gritty details, but Joel gets the gist. Swigs his share of the liquor a little too angrily with tight lips. Not like your dad does, but you don’t miss the irony of it all.
He holds anger for you, on behalf of you. It simmers as he listens to you in patient silence, coming to a boil at the bad parts when he gets up and starts walking lines in the shitty carpet. Pretending to look outside in interest at his truck parked at the end of the lot, but gripping the curtains until you can see every expanse of bone in his hand.
You don’t need this from him. It’s a hurt you’ve wedged between the pages of a book and doused in flames of acceptance long ago. But it spreads from your toes to your ears, the burn of someone feeling like this. For someone like you.
He finally settles down in an armchair by the window, a funny corduroy thing that would probably light up under a blacklight on one of those crime shows. Legs parted, a warm stare on the way you take up space on the bed. Facing him comfortably, your vision buzzing around the edges. A loose smile shared as if this room was meant for the two of you all along.
“So, what’s your plan?” Joel’s humming, his words getting lost in an echo of the bottle neck.
You don’t have one. Can’t have one when you have nowhere to go but gone.
It stretches on and on between you — a mouth opened and closed too many times on possibilities. If you admit to it, you end up with pity or an upper hand dealt to a stranger. You can’t afford to owe anyone a favor, nor can you front the cost of needing one.
But you’re so tired.
“Dunno. I’ll figure it out.”
“You got enough time for that?”
And you know what he means. Enough time in the motel, enough time before you’re a thief at wit’s end, doing anything for survival. He doesn’t need to ask to know you don’t have a destination, some relative waiting for you in a California dream.
You’ve excused yourself to the bathroom, soft radio bleeding in under the door, arms braced on the sink, all glossy eyes.
You want him, bad. But he won’t make the first move, won’t take advantage of what isn’t his and what others before him took without asking. You’re a pawn, entitled to the first move. The rejection would kill you, but not knowing would be worse.
He could hold you soft, give you something to think about when tomorrow rips you both in opposite directions.
When you pull open the door, Joel’s frozen in mid-stride towards you, like he’s just made up his mind about something.
He straightens but he’s still. Afraid of moving too fast, saying too much, scaring you into flight. Out of the unlocked cage of his room — something he did on purpose, because he doesn’t expect anything from you and wants you to know he doesn’t.
You meet him in his dusty shag quicksand. You take his wrist in your hand, kiss the thrum of life in the dip where veins meet palm. An offering.
Joel looks like he’s in pain, like what you’re doing is excruciating and thorny. The front of his jeans strains. He’s searching you for any hesitation, any obligation because he did something kind. He knows what currency you feel the need to pay in, and this isn’t that.
“Please,” you whisper simply. And he nods, accepting, succumbing.
There’s a careful meeting of lips, wanting to do it the right way, in the right order. When you push your tongue in, used to the pace of animals, he just holds your face and slows you down. It’s languid, his mouth showing you what sweet and gentle can taste like. Your tongues take their time, and your hands slip beneath the hem of his shirt, all ribbed muscle with a sprinkling of hair.
He shudders against the lightness of your feather-fingers.
Joel’s hands are peeling your shirt off, his thumbs resting to press against pillowy hips. He’s not letting your lips go, something like impatience stirring in you. 
Doesn’t he want to fuck you hard? Fuck you fast and selfish?
Isn’t there a catch?
He’s taking his shirt off now, up and over. Carved by Michaelangelo, thrown up on a ceiling in a library book you read once. You’re touching him in reverence, but not letting yourself learn too much of him.
His eyes are molten. Joel walks you back to the edge of the bed, scratchy quilt tickling your thighs when you fall back on it. You start to pose yourself, angles that make you look more desirable, pliable. But he’s not paying attention to that, just unbuttoning your shorts, kissing the jut of every curve and permeating down to the bone, punching out a soft groan when he slides the denim off and sees the shining ambrosia that’s waiting.
He’s kneeling, tugging you down to meet his waiting mouth. And you’re just breathless, flinching when he pulls you apart, guiding your legs over his shoulders and wasting no time devouring you. Your legs, his bib.
Joel’s tongue flicks through the shell of you, teasing you in alternates of quick and slow, starving and full. It feels like a slice of heaven. 
You pitch out a tangled gasp, hands instinctively moving to knot in his hair. Anything to hold onto, a different kind of grounding.
“So wet f’me,” he vibrates lowly into you, all husk. “Taste so fuckin’ sweet.”
He sinks a middle finger into you, and you’re keening, hips canting and unable to stay glued to the mattress. You feel him smile against your cunt, just pressing his forearm across your lower half to keep you still.
Joel’s twisting and working into you, onto you, and you’re so fucking close from just this — a tiptoeing to the edge that grows longer, more erratic in stride. He sucks your clit — pulsing sensitive, so swollen — into his mouth and grazes it with the tip of his tongue just so. Baring his incisors and closing around you in a delicious scrape like a Venus flytrap taking its meal.
You think you see God behind the flutter of your eyes.
You’re close enough to warn him, to rasp it out in the symphony of moans. His free hand reaches up to roll your peaked nipple between his forefinger and thumb, and he stretches you with an added ring finger. You’re writhing. Possessed.
He’s watching you through thick lashes. Letting your heels dig into his shoulders as the drenched sounds of you fill the room.
“Joel, please — I’m gonna —”
“C’mon, pretty girl,” he just murmurs.
You feel that little pull at your navel.
And you’re tipping in a freefall, seeing stars. You clench down around his fingers, fingers that are still pumping against that spongy spot deep inside you. Your arousal gushes, wet and sticky against the scrape of his beard. He laps you up, the sight making heat creep up your chest and wrap around your neck.
When he lifts his head, he’s high on it. Pupils dilated like tiny, round moons. Your orgasm glistens on him, smeared over lips and chin. The fur of a peach peeled back far enough to sink teeth into.
It’s fucking filthy.
Joel places open-mouthed kisses from your hip up to the center of your breasts, a trail of your orgasm shiny on your skin in perfect, sloppy Os. His breath meets your throat where he nips at you, and you don’t have time to drag in a breath before you’re tasting the saltiness of yourself on his tongue.
Your fingers fumble on his belt, practiced with years of releasing the tension on the metal prongs, the slithering sound whooshing from the loops of pants. You’re good at it, like you used to be good at gymnastics until your mom stopped getting out of bed to drive you. 
There was always a little gold for contorting your body.
He detaches from you unwillingly, putting all of his weight on his knees and shins as he straddles the space of your thighs.
You’re pulling yourself up in a sitting position, pushing denim and boxers down past his hips. Letting his cock spring free, the head a dark pink and beaded with precum. You swipe the flat of your tongue against it, peeking up at him while you soak up the taste of it. 
When you push the length of him into your mouth, ridged hard with veins, Joel tips his head back, chin to the ceiling. He groans something brutish yet helpless, cradling the back of your head. You’re seated in the driver’s seat, all control. 
It’s new, different.
But then he’s moving his hips back, pulling himself from your mouth, wiping the saliva from your chin with a steady thumb.
“Don’t need t’do that,” Joel whispers hoarsely. “Not ‘f you don’t want to.”
Confused, you knit your brows. He laughs darkly, shaking his head.
“Didn’t mean it like that, it’s — it feels fuckin’ good,” he says, awestruck. “Would just rather make you feel good instead.”
Oh.
He doesn’t wait for an answer or a negotiation. The rest of his clothes pool on the floor in a pile, and he’s climbing back over you, an anchor or a buoy in a storm.
He lines himself up at the seam of you, puffy and so wet from before, nudging the tip of his cock at your warm center. A thumb coaxing the bud at the apex of you in lazy circles.
Joel’s sliding in slowly by each inch, filling you full until there’s nothing left and his patch of hair prickles the pearl of your clit. All you can do is whine and tense around him.
He’s resting tentative hands on either side of your face, indenting the weak mattress with handprints. He groans, but he doesn’t move. Doesn’t give in when you try to rock against him.
“This alright?”
You’ve forgotten how to do anything, hoping that digging your fingertips into his forearms is communication enough.
“I’m gonna need a yes, baby.”
You feel around in the dark for the tether back to your body, and it jerks you like a marionette, giving him a nod.
“Yes. Fuck.”
That’s enough. He’s rewarding you with a roll of his hips, and you feel like you’re on fire. It’s a stuttering, painfully slow pace at first, his mouth so close to your ear that every grunt is amplified. But it evolves into something eager, unsatiated, snapping up into you with a relentless sort of fucking.
He’s hitting that place so deep within you, letting you unravel and grow hoarse from the moans tearing their way up your throat. That pressure is roiling, the kind that you get only when you touch yourself but intensified by a million.
It just feels so right, because there’s nothing to prove. 
You’re ships passing in the night, strangers making a pit-stop on the way to nowhere. There’s no backstory, no history to make mention of. No shame in the morning when he inevitably rolls over and pretends to be asleep, and you scrub off the smell of him with your provided travel-size shampoo.
It’s not love, but it might be the closest you ever get.
The glow of him above you, a deity with his face screwed in agony. Chasing after you when he feels the tightening of your cunt, the easy glide of every thrust that tells him you’re close.
Then, you’re snapping like a rubber band. Gushing in a dripping mess that trickles to where your ass meets thigh. Crying without tears, overstimulated but blissful. Joel is quick to follow, like he’s been waiting his turn.
He’s trembling, emptying inside you in a warm flood. Groaning low and beautiful, gripping your hips to keep you flush to him.
When pulls out, tearing himself away, he’s slinging an arm over his eyes on the pillow beside yours. One hand on your leg to make sure you don’t go anywhere.
“So fuckin’ perfect,” you hear him mutter.
At some point you drift off, his arm draped over you. You open a bleary eye to a neon 2:49AM that casts a halo over the nightstand. Joel’s tucked you in, the thin duvet snug up to your shoulder. He’s not snoring but not not snoring, just breath getting caught in his throat in a satisfied, well-spent way.
It’s all too much, too pure to be real.
Before you let yourself change your mind, you slink out from under the warmth of your generous stranger. You step in your shorts one foot at a time, tugging them up gelatin legs too springy from coiling and uncoiling.
You promise yourself that you’ll take just one mental picture as a keepsake, and it’s this. A sleepy Joel who will be well on his way to a second cup of coffee on the way out of Arizona, maybe even nursing a little headache behind his right eye. And he’ll remember an apparition of some girl he fucked in a motel. The touristy thing to do, a sight to see. 
He might even tell Tommy, say you were a crazy little thing with too much baggage, but it was fun to stay up past his bedtime.
You don’t mean to do it, really you don’t, but you flip through his wallet that lays innocently on top of the TV.
If you take a little something, that’ll turn this into another one of your stories that you tell your kids born from a loveless marriage somewhere in the crevices of a future from now. It won’t pull on the tendons of your heart.
And it won’t mean anything. You won’t let it.
The next morning, there’s a soft knock at the door, and it’s probably housekeeping kicking you out for overstaying your welcome. Time to turn down the bed for the next lost soul. You imagine Joel’s long gone, hopped in his truck and back to a reality you’ll never meet him in.
Your fingers are slow to gather up your purse, and you’re shoving your toothbrush in from its place on the sink.
“I’ll be out in a second!” you yell in a voice that reeks of years of diner-flavored customer service.
More persistent knocking that borders on pounding. It shakes the chain in the deadbolt.
You’re yanking open the door, and there’s Joel, white shirt and jeans. And it isn’t that cushion of admiration from last night, no greeting with a chaste kiss on the cheek.
Just a wolf coming to claim his continental breakfast.
Fuck.
You try to shut the door, suddenly too ashamed of what you’ve done, and to someone undeserving. Someone that showed you kindness, empathy.
But his boot catches the door before it can close, and he’s inside, slicing through the space between you. It’s not quite anger, but it’s shadowy. Sardonic.
Your shoulder blades kiss the cheap wallpaper.
“You’re real funny, y’know that?” he starts, and he’s smiling but not really.
Shrinking small, so small that maybe you’ll disappear.
There’s a tick of silence. His thumb skates to your collarbone and then to the hollow at the base of your throat. He wants to squeeze but he doesn’t, his fingers wrapping loosely around the column to fix you there. Heat creeps up the back of your neck into your hairline.
The instinct to flinch bubbles up against your joints, but you can’t bring yourself to.
“Y’think you can fuck me,” he muses, disgustingly deadpan, “‘n steal from me.”
Dread weighs heavy like lead in your stomach. You can’t stop yourself from shaking your head, still playing dumb.
He bristles at that, thunderous. You both know it’s a lie; you’re a hundred dollars richer than you were last night. His fingers briefly flex around you in a way that you’ve seen before, and horror hits a fever pitch in you.
Tears prick your eyes, and you’re putting your palms on his chest and shoving, but he doesn’t give. Unstoppable force meets immovable object, and all that.
It’s not so much the blaring punctuation in a sentence, the ticking of dynamite ready to blow. He’s confronting you with proximity, with your own dishonesty. Wanting to shake you and tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way.
Joel just leans in closer, almost grazing noses. You try to breathe around the lump of panic.
“The hell’s the matter with you?”
It’s disbelief, it’s hurt. In the same way, it’s understanding, incredulous. It’s him stepping back and loosening the hold around your neck like no one’s ever done; it’s softening and imploring.
He’s shoving his hands in his pockets, guilty and recoiling. Sorry he could even make himself look like one of them — a forced penance in the flesh.
There’s no answer that can justify what you did. Nothing simple about nothing personal. But truly… that’s all it was. A pie wafting steam on an open windowsill. Something to make you feel better about the void he’d leave.
“‘F you needed money, you coulda just asked.” 
He’s disappointed, desperate. In a tone that really says, I would’ve done anything you wanted.
A dam inside you gives, crumbling deep at the foundation and knocking the walls down around you. Words don’t come, but you shove your hand in blind into your bag, pulling out the loose bill and extending it.
Joel sees the regretful offering and your heart with x-ray vision. That you think of yourself as a doll, less valuable without her box. Used without tags. Free to a good home.
He shakes his head, the softness of a keep it barely peeking out of his mouth.
You’re skinning yourself raw, wanting another way out but having none. With half a mind to say that the next night could come with fangs.
You feel the stab of relief, and shame. So much shame.
Like a soothsayer, he foresees the coldness of a bench, the shrinking of you into the safety of an alley.
You drop to your knees in exaltation, thinking you know what’ll fix this. You can’t see through the watercolor blur of your tears, but you touch his belt with fingers that are cold to the tips.
But Joel knows what you’re doing, shaking his head no no no.
He won’t let you do it like this. He drags you up gently by the elbows. Pulls you into his chest, says stop stop stop. Kisses your hair, then your lips. You cry until he can taste the tears, until the front of his shirt is damp.
“I’m sorry,” you rasp out roughly. “I’m so sorry.”
He tells you to never say sorry to him again.
Joel pays for a room for two more nights, but only one — his with the working A/C.
You move your toothbrush and your bag over to Room 20.
You go to the pool, swimming laps around him in a tank top and your cherry-embroidered underwear, squealing and splashing in a flail when he swims underneath your legs and stands up to hold you on his tan shoulders.
Sunscreen streaks greasy on your stomach when you lay out together on the loungers after. Joel likes a cat-nap with his face under a towel, grumpy and tired from the sun. But he never snaps at you, never gets impatient when you ask too many questions while he’s dozing off.
You learn the pinched expression he makes just before he comes. That his right palm has hundreds of lines you can see best by lamplight. He misses the noise of Sarah in his house, of sharing the coffee pot with someone. He doesn’t like the small piling of toast crumbs left only by him on the kitchen table.
He learns that you apologize for wet, clean hair on his pillowcase, for laughing too loud. Things that don’t need a sorry. A collection of oversaturated manners that might take time to unlearn, but he promises to teach you.
He learns that you approach an orgasm with tentative toes in cold water, almost unbelieving that sex can give, give, give instead of take, take, take. He learns that you like the meeting of eyes when he’s buried between your legs, pushing your thighs apart to keep from suffocating. That when he does let you get on your knees for him, you know just the spot to caress with your tongue on the underside of his cock.
Joel’s belt is snaked under your stomach, across your hips, fists intertwined in the leather as he pulls you back, slams himself forward. It bites and creates indents in your flesh, and you don’t care. He gives you marks to love, to admire in your reflection, never ones that are ugly. Never ones out of hate over spilled milk.
There’s a dirty slap of skin, growing louder, competing with your moans. Your nails are tearing into the cheap sheets, and Joel’s so close but won’t come until he coaxes another out of you. A grand total of at least four by now, but you’ve lost count.
At long last, you splinter around him. Pitching off the cliff in a cry. Joel’s leaning — his chest, your back — and spilling deep, holding onto you for dear life. You hear him whimper in a strangle. Big, tough game that’s been taken down with an arrow in his chest.
Hot tears are flowing out of you, stuttering sobs close to follow, and Joel pulls out slowly. Seems to know why. And he rolls you over, into him, hand careful in slow strokes against your hair.  
You’ve never been good at goodbyes. Maybe that’s what this is.
Men like to say that women like you are insane, too analytical, too tear-streaked, too conscious of the way they look when they sleep. Because waking up with your mouth open, a drying corner of drool threatening your cheek is too human, not pretty.
Sometimes women like you are dead, rotting pomegranate flesh. Long forgotten in decay on the ground when the weight became too heavy to hold yourself up. And those men pick up your seeds and shove them squelching back into places where they don’t fit. 
The winters come bitter and harsh, but you’re always reborn in the spring. And without fail, you grow back fiercely into a tree reminiscent of Eden, low-hanging apples plucked and bruised and bitten into once and spit out in tart disgust. 
Women like you choke men like this with your pits, strangle them with vines, poison them with berries. They can consume, but so can you.
But then, in the ripe, cool shade of summer, you’ll have a visitor like Joel that will come with a basket and a blanket and they’ll stay and read books beneath you. They’ll enjoy your fruit, you’ll drip from their mouth and dry tacky like flypaper, and they won’t be able to imagine a day before you. 
They’ll collect all the pieces of you on a Tuesday morning and give you change to get a Coke after checkout. They’ll tuck you into the front seat of their truck, let you put your feet up on the dash, hand protective and calm on your thigh while the other steers you both back to Texas. A new home without shouting and bottles thrown.
And they’ll stay through every season.
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ew-selfish-art · 9 months
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Dp x Dc AU: Danny's final Interview with Tim Drake for the Wayne Enterprise's Space Program Operation Janus Crew... Demon Twin AU.
Danny had been waiting for his offer letter from WE to be officially part of the Janus Crew. He'd done all the standard rigorous testing and passed with flying colors. He'd talked to every single head engineer and interviewed at all levels to prove that he was the man for this mission. It was as good as gold, so Danny was surprised when he got a call from the PA to Tim Drake, the CEO himself, to come in for a final interview. Just a formality and mostly just to meet the man who was going to be the poster boy for their program. Makes sense, but is unnerving, nonetheless.
The second he walks into the office space, Tam Fox seemingly does a double take, blinking a few times when he explains that he's there for a final interview. She nods and he proceeds as if nothing about that was weird.
Tim Drake has four laptops in front of him and a scattering of papers, but looking up to see Danny, he closes them all and the image of a scattered young man trying to run a Fortune 500 company is replaced with some one of deadly capability.
"Danny Fenton. Great to meet you, I appreciate you coming by today." Tim says, but Danny can see the sharks fin in the water.
"Of course, I'm excited to be part of the Crew." Danny throws back, making it clear right away that Tim needs to cut to the chase if Danny's not going to be an astronaut with WE. NASA will take him back in a heartbeat if WE is going to try and play games.
"We're excited to have you, everyone speaks of you like the next Armstrong or Aldrin. I just had a few questions, as an informality, that I wanted answered."
"I feel like I've answered every question there could be about me, but go ahead. I'm an open book."
"Great. I suppose I'll start with asking about your adoptive family, the Fentons. Were they good to you when you transitioned to their home?"
"...It's not common knowledge that I'm adopted. Mom and Dad are fine. We have a strained relationship now because of my teenage rebellion but I still go home for most holidays." Danny is on edge, but also a bit excited? How did Tim find this out?
"I see. I'm an adopted child myself, you can understand maybe why I asked. Do you have any relationship with your birth family?" Tim asks, but its clear he's asking something else. Danny calls it how he sees it.
"What are you trying to find out? I mean really, you're very polite but this doesn't have to do with my job."
"I'll cut to the chase then. Do you hold any allegiance to Ra's al Ghul or the League of Assassins?"
"Woah." Danny blinks.
"Woah as in you're surprised I found out, or Woah in surprise that you've been found out?"
"Woah as in, what the fuck, I haven't thought of his name in decades. I escaped pretty young after being abused from birth."
"That's what I needed to know. You have a sister through the Fentons, and a cousin that I suspect is a clone, any other siblings?" Tim asks, his to the point question making Danny's head spin. How the fuck did this guy know about Dani?
"How do you-"
"Any other siblings, Danny?" Tim repeats, cutting him off.
"...Yeah. I should have a twin running around out there. But if this has to do with whatever crazy bullshit he might be up to, I swear i'm not in contact with him or his family. I haven't been since I freed myself."
Tim looks like he's contemplating something, his eyes are still evaluating Danny as though he were a frog in freshman year Bio.
"I have a little brother, Danny, and it's interesting. He's not particularly fascinated by space but he likes to keep up with all the astronauts. I took it upon myself to research you once you came on the roster two years ago for this position. I know you're capable and I had no doubt that you'd be the man for the job. Then I saw your picture."
"You... saw my picture?"
"My brother watches out for Astronauts because he holds onto the hope that someone from his past might be one some day. That it might lead to their reconciliation." Tim clarifies.
Danny can't do anything but stare. No. No way.
"I told Damian not to look into the astronauts for the Janus Crew. Want to guess why?" For the first time, Tim's eyes look soft around the edges. Danny stays silent for a while, head reeling from this information.
"...Is he. Is he free?" Danny finally asks.
"He's left the league and burned all allegiance he held for them, if that's what you're asking. Came to join his dad, my adoptive father, when he was about ten. So just a few years after you made your own way out without him."
"That's... That's good. I'm glad. He's healthy?" Danny can't help himself but inquire. He'd loved his brother until it literally broke him.
"Most days. He runs an animal sanctuary, has a girlfriend and a best friend, gets along with our large family."
"Woah." Danny's near speechless again.
"I'm telling you this because... He's going to find out Friday with the press release of you being our Crew Leader. He'll see you and no doubt try to contact you. I want you to have the choice of reaching out to him before that, or at least make your peace with what you have to say to him if you don't want a relationship."
"Why?"
"Because I don't care to see my siblings hurt. Here, it's my personal line, below it is Damian's. Reach out to me if you'd like for me to plan a meeting spot, reach out to him if you'd prefer I stay out of it. I understand completely if my questions have led you to not trust me." Tim offers him a piece of paper with two phone numbers on it, Danny takes it with shaking hands.
"I... See. Okay." and then after a moment, Danny added numbly "Thanks."
Tim stands and Danny follows, they're both walking towards the door and Danny can't help but feel like he's waiting for another shoe to drop. Tim has a look in his eye like Jazz might on his birthday.
"One last thing before you go and you're officially listed as our star Astronaut: I took care of those pesky case files and lab reports for you. The white ones. It is quite literally impossible for that heinous shit to every bother you again."
"Wait, What? Why would you do that for me? You couldn't have known-"
"It's what family is for. Have a good day, Janus Crew Lead Danny."
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avisisisis · 1 month
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been rewatching rtte
toothless is called T multiple times, but the letter T doesn't exist in the alphabet of this world
i think hiccup was also called H???
hiccup went to the wedding of the man who tried to kill him and his family multiple times. no wonder he thought he could change drago's mind
snotlout is canonically a theater kid
"you're so small and cuddly" "please never say that again"
the twins are really smart, but they're also just stupid
hiccup straight up disappears when he's working on something
heather had a super noticeable crush on astrid
fishlegs got a love interest!! a plus size main character actually has a cool, badass love interest!
it was super hetnormative but it was cute
there was an island full of flying women who were implied to regularly commit cannibalism
hiccup taught all the riders how to fly with toothless, that's so sweet
everyone is a flat earther except for the twins
hiccup almost directly killed a lot of people
and killed a LOT more when destroying their ships
“scalding– cal..ding--" "toothle, plama bla!" was pretty much the funniest part of the entire series
dagur was bullied as a kid by a guy 8 years older than him who literally tattooed an imagine of him beating up little dagur in his arm??? What was that all about
actually we need to talk about how messed up everything about dagur is and about how the things that could've/did happen(ed) to him may be the reasons why he's Like That
just why was he imprisoned by the outcasts??? he didn't do anything to them directly
oof my brain is spiraling. "he loved you" "ig now we'll never know" what do you mean he didn't know if his dad loved him
there's a technically musical episode
tuffnut became hiccup's defense attorney and immediately got him the death sentence
hiccup regularly jumps off cliffs
he also jumped off a boat, with his arms tied and without toothless. just where did he think he was going
snotlout's annoying attitude is actually because spitelout pressures him too much and he feels like he has to be perfect for his dad :((
THE 'HICCUP'S EVIL MIRROR' VILLAIN THEME DONE RIGHT YESS!!!
viggo is the best httyd villain change my mind (you can't, swords at sundown, you may bring backup but i will win on my own)
skrill comeback skrill comeback SKRILL COMEBACK!!!!
"COMEEE TO DADDY"
what is a boar pit???
oh my god i had missed this series so much. it has no right to be this funny
this was my childhood. it has forever shaped the way i am
berserker heather the unhinged >>>
actually good disability rep! yay
hiccup complains about his peg leg pinching him
he straight up cannot walk without it and it is shown many times
"well, there are the benefits of a metal leg" after it got caught in a bear trap
funny moments, like snotlout trying to steal it to use it as a weapon
the jokes!! toothless laughing at the jokes!!! hiccup being so fucking done with the twins, who are always making the jokes!
there's an episode where everyone is so sleep deprived they actually start spiraling
astrid becomes a happy go lucky girl, hugs snotlout and tells him he's handsome
the fucking mood swings snotlout got were insane
the twins were straight up just hallucinating
"i sent them to wash their dragons, how could they mess that up?" cut to heather falling on her face with a bucket full of water in her hands
fishlegs becomes so paranoid, he's yelling at everyone all the time
"don't you know the trapper's trap can trap the trapper?? ...oh gods, i must be losing it, i'm quoting dagur"
YOOOO VALKA!!!! it's so nice to see her
hiccup tried to murder dagur to stop him from getting to toothless, which is scary bc it shows just how far he's willing to go for his bff, but also funny because hiccup. that was not going to work
oh the hiccstrid slowburn, how i have missed you
the twins's made up language
there was a beach episode turned murder mystery and a musical episode held at gun point
hiccup has a whole little speech that he periodically gives astrid to remind her that the twins serve a purpose
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October 14, 2022 - Alex stopped to help save a gunshot victim from bleeding out, he was then given Saint Paul Police Chiefs Award for Valor. He then gave this small speech. [video]
“I feel like I did what anyone would have done with a little bit of training that they have, that I have. I’m a certified firearms instructor, work in a high school in Minneapolis, dad and husband, and a wonderful community member. That day, nine of your squad cars raced past us as I was flagging them down (was said in the letter you sent me), and that was a potential of 18 people. 18 people could have stopped to preserve life, but 18 people chose to go to a potential threat, and I recognize the man had a pistol and we didn’t know what he was doing. I do appreciate the recognition. I won’t keep this stuff. This will go to my mom, this will probably go to my son because I am very uncomfortable being here with you guys. I do not rock with the police, but I do appreciate you giving me the opportunity to say these things. I just want folks to know they don’t keep us safe. We keep us safe. Riots work. Thank you.”
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aceofvase · 2 years
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like honestly I kinda wish I’d never come out to my parents at all
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giveemhales · 4 months
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🦇 My Top 25 Batfam Fics of 2023 🦇
I try to maintain an annual tradition of shouting out some of my top fanfics of the year so that new/current writers can get some love and appreciation. This year I got really into Batfam and read literally hundreds of fics, so here is my first ever Batfam fic rec list! I read so many incredible fics, and these are just a few of my fav to come out in 2023. Most of these are Tim Drake-centric because he’s my fav, but there’s also a lot of Jason, Dick, Damian, and Bruce. If you like any of these fics, make sure to show the author some love! And from the bottom of my heart, thank you to all fic writers for making the world a bit more beautiful. Happy new year ❤️
Ordered by word count:
New Traditions by @kgraces (2.3k, tim & bruce, angst with a happy ending, bruce revives a family tradition only tim was unaware of)
Every Letter Counts by @laynaneedstherapy (2.4k, tim & jason, fluff and humor, tim asks robin to help him with his english homework) (i also recommend the rest of the series, which is very angsty but very good)
Owl Song by @ghost-bird (2.5k, dick & jason, fluff, talon!dick decides he’s going to take care of jason) (first part of a very sweet series)
“Thanks, Dad” by @selkienight60 + beautiful art by @ky-landfill (2.6k, tim & bruce, angst with a happy ending, tim accidentally calls bruce dad and it leads to revelations for both of them)
the back corner booth by @tarvek-sturmvoraus (4.1k, tim & jason, angst with a happy ending, tim asks the red hood to kill his parents) *READ TAGS FOR WARNINGS
heat-seeking missile by @green-eyedfirework (4.1k, tim & jason (& bruce & dick), a/b/o dynamics, basically all fluff, tim is having a heat when jason comes to attack him at titan’s tower and this changes things)
A New Brother by @sishal01 (4.3k, tim & jason & bruce, angst with a happy ending, jason survives the joker’s attack but tim still joins the batfam) (also has an adorable little sequel)
what’s in a name by @envysparkler (4.5k, dick-centric, angst with a happy ending, dick and jason are kidnapped at a gala)
Maybe with a Shift in Planets by @sunflowersandink (4.5k, cass-centric, tim and cass join the batfam early, mute cass, fluff and angst, cass decides she will protect tim and bruce decides he will protect both of them)
all the small weights by @sparkysomething (6.4k, bruce & jason, hurt/comfort and some humor, bruce is hit with fear toxin and jason is the only one available to help)
Another Mirror by @byrambles (6.5k, damian-centric, reverse robins au, angst with a happy ending, good bruce saves the bat kids from evil bruce in an alternate dimension but mistakenly believes damian is evil) (i also highly recommend the sequel- the whole series is phenomenal and an all time fav) *READ TAGS FOR WARNINGS
Refuge of Last Resort by @wildsofmarch (7.4k, jason & tim, angst with a hopeful ending, tim goes to jason after killing the joker)
fallen angel//risen demon by @call-me-quill (7.6k, tim & bruce, fluff and angst, demon hunter!bruce adopts demon!tim) (i recommend reading the whole series which largely focuses on alfred and the rest of the batfam)
rafter of satin, roof of stone by @sardonic-sprite (8.1k, tim & jason, angst with a happy ending, tim is buried alive and only jason can save him)
In Love With Justice by Jedi_Olympian (9.7k, dick & bruce (+ dick/wally and bruce/clark), fluff and humor, misunderstandings, the justice league think batman and nightwing are together)
Forgiveness by L_autore_Passionale (9.9k, jason & dick (& tim & bruce), angst with a happy ending, jason goes to attack tim at titan’s tower not realizing he switched bodies with dick)
Stranger than Fiction by @fox-muldest (11.8k, tim-centric, fluff and humor, tim writes fanfic about batman but wasn’t prepared for the batfam to actually find it) (this fic actually made me cackle)
oh my god are you guys homophobes? by @antebunny (14.3k, tim-centric, angst with a happy ending, jason arrives to save tim from the league of assassins but unfortunately tim has no memory of jason or his past life) (update: the fic has new scenes and is now 26.6k)
Luminous Beings by @banditywrites (15.8k, tim & jason, angst with a happy ending, jason can see light surrounding people about to die and tim glows particularly bright)
the butler’s neighbor by @dear-galileo (16.6k, alfred & tim, fluff and angst with a happy ending, alfred begins taking care of the neighbor kid) (also has two very wholesome sequels)
Where sorrows live and raptures die by @dark-nymphs-fanfiction (22.5k, jason & tim, angst with a happy ending, tim is afraid of jason after the titan’s tower attack and jason struggles to forgive himself)
So…Rock, Paper, Scissors? by @misstuesday9 (24.7k, jason & tim & dick & damian, angst with a happy ending, jason is told to pick one of his brothers to kill)
All Things to All Men by @motleyfam (30.8k, tim & jason & dick & bruce, angst and fluff, jason gets sick and tim thinks he hates him but dick is there to save the day) (this is the fifth part of a series where tim joins the batfam early bc his parents suck, this can be read alone but I def recommend reading the whole series)
Signed Red Robin by Xrea354 (46k, tim-centric, angst with a happy ending, tim attempts to resign from the batfam but the bats are not okay with that)
A Stalker on the Rooftop by @stormpilot-obsessed (88.9k, tim & jason (and eventual tim/jason), tim joins the batfam early, fluff and angst, tim and jason become friends before jason goes to ethiopia) (the whole series is great and still ongoing, it is mostly focused on batfam but please be aware that tim and jason start as friends and develop romantic feelings for each other, so don’t read if you don’t like that)
+10 WIPs I hope to see more of in 2024!
Finders Keepers by @taralaurel (12k, tim & jason, fluff and angst, tim gets lost in crime alley and jason takes him home and then ends up staying)
Damian Drake by InkpotSprite (16.5k, damian & tim, mostly fluff and humor, damian is sent to gotham and mistakenly believes his father is jack drake leading to tim becoming his brother)
something just like this by @tarvek-sturmvoraus (19.5k, tim-centric, angst and fluff, tim is bruce and selina’s kid)
Christened by StoriesAreMagic (20.6k, tim-centric, angst with a happy ending, tim is joker junior and is there when the joker tries to kill jason)
To be Loved is to be Known by @loreoftheforgotten (27.2k, tim & jason & dick, tim joins the batfam early, fluff and angst and humor, tim is a wolf shifter kept in captivity until the batfam saves him)
In Gotham, Even The Birds Are Street Rats by @ao3time (57.1k, dick & jason & tim, angst and fluff, the boys live together on the streets until bruce adopts all three of them)
Tangled Web (and how it unraveled) by Covenyt2950 (61.9k, bruce-centric, angst with (presumably) a happy ending, bruce hides from his sons that he’s a vampire and this has dangerous consequences later on)
cards on the table by @wesslan (67k, tim-centric, angst and fluff and humor, tim is a fortune teller scamming the gotham elite when he gets mixed up with the batfam) (there’s only one chapter left to go, so i recommend reading even if you typically avoid WIPs!)
children of the stars by @silk-scarlet-ribbons (93.4k, tim & jason, angst with a happy ending and hurt/comfort, the red hood basically adopts tim) (jason and tim have more of a father-son relationship than brother but it’s so fucking cute i highly recommend)
The Big Road Home by @crumpetz (119.5k, tim & jason, angst and fluff and humor and anything else you could want, tim and jason are homeless together before joining the batfam) (an all time fav)
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