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ajortga · 4 months

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i'm not coming home.

pairing: vada cavell x fem reader

warning! sensitive topics ahead include: character death, suicide, overdose, massive angst with NO happy ending.

thank you egg for your request! cried a little making this which usually.. isn't quite normal to happen. hope this might make your angst heart pour a little.. p.s this was partially inspired by some other fics i read that i loved and this was particularly based off the lyrics im not coming home, not really my future:o

I just saw that song fic you made, it was very nice. So I’d like to request one of my own…

My future by Billie Eilish?

Obviously for my favorite girl Vada Cavell. Who else would I request for?

Her eyes looked at the moon, Vada’s brown eyes looking at the way the moon shone across the city.

“The moon is pretty, isn’t it?” A voice said beside her.

Vada's eyes glanced at you, a small smile forming on her lips.

“Yeah. But you were always prettier.”

“You used to say that a lot.”

“I know. It’s because I think it’s true.”

You stood there in silence, Vada scooted closer to you, pointing at the flowers right ahead of you guys.

“Do you remember when we planted those?”

“Yeah, they grew so pretty. We wanted to make a whole flower garden together.”

“The garden is growing I think.”

“I think so too.

Silence once again, the only sound was the dark trees rustling in the blue moonlight, stars above the two’s heads. Vada bit her lip, looking at the stars, her knees tucked under her arms.

“Do you think in another universe, we’d be in love?” You whispered, catching her off guard as she looked at you, seeing the way your eyes looked hurt.

Vada shrugged, thinking for a moment, “I don’t know..”

Another pause.

“Maybe in another universe, I never so badly wished it was this one though.”

She heard a small laugh, hurt laced behind it, “It once was.”

“In this universe we’re not. Because you’re no longer here.”

…

“I know.”

Vada wishes she could take those words back.

Vada needed space to herself after trying to heal from traumatic experiences it was so hard for her to deal with. You were just trying to help.

You were just trying to help.

Offering to hold her hand in the hallways, reassuring back rubs, kisses on the forehead, sticking by her side.

It was too much for her. She just wanted to be left alone, but she didn’t want to tell you.

You just were so worried, you made sure to love her.

The day Vada was the most stressed, she took all her anger out on you for just trying to comfort her.

“Can you stop being arrogant for once and get it into your brain that you need to leave me alone? You have to let me go and it’s getting so frustrating you can’t get that into your system! Just give me my space when I need it!”

Vada’s voice echoes through the house, her eyes looked enraged as she saw the way your figure looked so small.

“Okay.”

That was the last word she heard you say before you left the apartment to just.. Process.

Vada felt bad, seeing the way your shoulders dropped as you walked out the door. But she was just so frustrated with all these events she couldn't bring herself to apologize. She was too tired.

Ding

...

Ding

....

Ding ding ding ding ding

"Oh my god.." Vada groaned tiredly, her phone light almost lighting up the whole room as she rubbed her eyes, stirring from bed.

Who the hell would be notifying her at 2:43 AM?

Her hands flipped her phone over as she looked at the messages, the way her eyes widened was indescribable.

my sweet y/n♡: vada they won't go away.

my sweet y/n♡: i'm so scared.

my sweet y/n♡: it won't stop, vada it won't stop.

my sweet y/n♡: i can't breathe

my sweet y/n♡: i just want it to stop.

my sweet y/n♡: baby please i need you. i don't feel good.

4x call missed

my sweet y/n♡: i'm sorry.

my sweet y/n♡: i love you.

my sweet y/n♡: i love you with my whole heart and i promise that you can finally be left alone like you wanted.

"No! No no no no no!.." She said louder to herself, immediately jumping off the bed and hitting the call button. No response.

"Please just pick up!"

She grabbed her keys and slammed the door shut, immediately going to your house with an inhaler and meds.

She kept ringing and ringing as she heard you pick up, immediately putting the phone to her ear.

"Baby! Baby.. Talk to me. Talk to me please."

"...Vada.." you cry, your voice barely a whisper, "It hurts."

"What did you do? Y/N.. Tell me please, what did you do? Did you take something bad?"

"I just.. I..."

Vada hears you breathing heavily, making small hurtful breaths.

"I just wanted everything to stop... I'm so tired.."

"I'm almost there baby.."

Vada makes a full on swerve as she busts out of her car, hearing the way your labored breaths were gradually beginning to grow shakier. The call ends as she makes a plead of frustration. She grabs the keys she snagged when she left the house and frantically unlocked your door.

"Y/N!" she cries, the house was dark as she turned every corner before rushing into your room, barging in.

There you were, curled up on the ground, your arm over your stomach as she saw the way your chest shook, the way you let out cries. There were pills scattered around you, your hand holding a pill bottle that was almost half empty. Vada screamed as she immediately knelt down as you turned.

"Baby, Y/N, wake up!" She cried, shaking you

You were barely able to make a noise, she could only hear you say her name, your voice barely an audible whisper with tear-stained cheeks and glazed over eyes.

Vada let out a painful cry as her hand reached up to caress your now cold skin. You were shaking as Vada picked you up and cradled you, calling the 3 numbers as quickly as she could, begging for the ambulance to come as quickly as they could.

"Everything is going to be okay. Don't close your eyes sweetheart. I promise you'll be okay.."

You curled your body into hers, your head drooping down as you look at her, your vision unfocused.

Oh how your eyes were the ones she loved so much, the ones she loved so much now looking like this. Lifeless, barely hanging on.

"I'm so sorry. Vada's so sorry baby. I should have never said those mean things to you. You mean the w-world to me. I love you so much," The guilt was stirring in her stomach, unlike anything she's seen before.

You whimper against her, "I-I d-don't feel good... I-I feel s-so c-cold.."

Vada sobbed as she wrapped a blanket around your shaking, fragile body, hugging you tightly.

"I'm here. Help is coming," she whispered, looking down at you, fallen tears beginning to drop on your clothes.

Your eyelids were half-open, Vada's voice was beginning to become muffled. You knew Vada was beyond worried, you just wanted everything to stop for a while.. You also knew deep down, you wouldn't be able to make it. You wouldn't be able to make it out alive. You wouldn't be able to spend the rest of your life and marry Vada. Maybe live in the green meadows like you always dreamed of, cuddling as you watched the stars at night. Maybe have had a cat too and looked like the romantic sweethearts everyone envied of, sharing small gentle kisses in the corners of every place you traveled.

You knew you couldn't be with her till her last breath, but you knew she would be with you till yours.

You knew you wouldn't be able to live your love, so you mustered all the left-over strength you still had and croaked out the 3 little words.

"I love you."

You felt it. Vada did too. The way your eyes glassed over, it was no longer the warm, pretty eyes she adored, they were now foggy and dark. The way your body began to lose it's warm comfort that Vada ever so loved feeling when she cuddled you to bed. It was all fading. And she knew your life was fading too.

Vada cried, she didn't want to loose you. She was sobbing and she couldn't do anything about it, she was so so scared.

"I love you too. I love you so fucking much Y/N. I.. I.." She didn't know what else to say, she was so scared that she couldn't speak anymore, wailing.

You gave her the weakest smile you could muster, though she knew that it wasn't the smile you gave her when your eyes would light up as soon as you saw her, it was the smile that you finally understood.

You understood. The cracking smile that showed you were ready.

"That's all my heart can ever ask for. I-I'll be there with you, as a pretty deer in the moonlight, or the shiniest star. I-I'll be there whenever y-you need me.. It was never your fault.." You whispered, before she could see your eyes go still, your shaking body beginning to slow. The last teardrop that would ever fall go down your cheek.

"No! Open your eyes Y/N! Baby! Please! I'm here! You can open your eyes now! Wake up!"

Vada didn't know love could make her cry this hard as she felt your skin turn cold, she wished she could just take it all back. She'd remember you through every memory. But she'd remember that the memories of the person she loved most would never exist in the future. It was all in the past. She knew that you were gone as she cried into the wind. The ambulance was just too late as they saw her hugging your soulless body, never wanting to let go.

"Vada's so sorry.." She cries in a whisper.

Vada felt herself sniffle, she could feel the way her memories invaded her brain. She could never forgive herself for it. On every shooting star she wished that it could've never happened in the first place.

She then noticed the way she felt her cheeks suddenly stain with tears, seeing your pretty body fade away in the moonlight above. Seeing the way that you bit down a hurtful expression, smiling with a cracked heart as she sniffled. The night sky is now beginning to reflect through you.

It was all her fault. She couldn’t bear to hear it. But she knew now that you weren’t going to come home. You never would.

She knew one day you would fade from her mind completely. She couldn’t bear to know that one day, she’d forget the way you sounded. She knew that one day, your ghost would eventually fade away, your faded presence beginning to slow as time healed. There would be a day that your ghost would stop showing up completely.

She knew that one day, all your memories would turn into months, years, decades.

Until it’ll all be too old for her to remember. To remember you and the way you were the first person Vada felt her stomach tingle with fluttering butterflies as you kissed her so gently. To remember the way you would hold your umbrella for her as it poured rain, seeing the way your forehead would drip with water from protecting her before you could shelter yourself.

"Keep our love special okay? Keep it just between us. Keep it in your heart." You whispered, before you faded away, knowing one day you'll appear once again.

Vada nodded, slowly, she still can't believe she isn't over it. How could she be?

Her hair was wet, she was so used to feeling a hood over her head. She was so used to being protected by you. Rain drenched her clothes as her body shook, staring at the way the city lights dimmed below her.

She knew that you weren’t going to come home.

Because there she was, sitting on a wet patch of grass, drenched in the rain. Knowing that once before, you sat with her in the rain, holding an umbrella over her head as you hugged her, cuddling for warmth.

Vada let out a shaky, broken sigh as she looked up, seeing the way the stars shone. One shone so bright as she smiled. Her star.

From the wind blowing so gently in her hair with rain showering across the city, the deer peeked behind the tree, making a soft noise.

"Every night and day I wish I could feel your cuddles, kiss me and tell me it was all a nightmare, but it's been too long to know it's not just stupid nightmare. I miss you more than words can possibly describe."

Vada rubbed her cheeks, wiping the tears that were falling, feeling the rain drizzle with her sadness, making a quiet cry.

"It's been 5 months Y/N. I love you. I wish you were here with me. "

Maybe you wouldn't be with Vada till her last breath, maybe her grieving wouldn't last that long. But she was there for yours, that's all you could ever ask for. Your girlfriend hugging you as you took your last breath. That was special.

#jenna ortega x fem!reader #vada cavell x reader #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x you #tara carpenter x reader #jenna ortega imagine #tara carpenter x you #jenna marie ortega #jenna ortega x y/n #vada cavell x y/n #vada cavell x you #Spotify

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vicsbasement · 2 months

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From what we’ve seen so far it almost looks like Carlos has been trying to make it easier for Charles? Take the chili plushie clip, Carlos is clearly teary eyed but he still tries to make Charles laugh. He is the one who’s hurting but he puts his own hurt aside because he notices that Charles is sad too and he has to make him laugh, because if there’s something else I’ve noticed in the past years is that Carlos loves seeing Charles happy

Anon! Firstly, are you the same anon from the other day? Let me kiss your brain, because I love talking about these boys so so so much and for some reason people really enjoyed the conversation we had. Anyway!!!! Let's talk about this for a second. Carlos is definitely having a hard time. If we're going blindly on the timeline, we have to assume Carlos knows about his exit from Ferrari ever since before the Dakar finale, (this is just especulation, though, because we don't know for certain) and he sort of, kind of, blew off Ferrari and the Maranello trials to go celebrate with his dad. Pretty sure he wouldn't have done this if he didn't have enough leverage on Ferrari because the trials at Maranello are SUPER important, but first, his dad just won Dakar at his age, and then he's like: well, I mean, I'm getting kicked out of the team anyway and I won't be active during the development of the next car, so, whatever, let's just do this,-- and he went and did it. That's my idea. He needed to be with his father because they all knew. I'm pretty sure they even knew during the training camp at Madrid / Portugal because he's surrounded by friends and already doing the absolute most to get in an amazing shape because he needs to be his best version this year. But-- then when he meets up with Charles again, Charles even feels blindsided. Because like I said previously, Lewis is Lewis. And he comes with sponsors and 7 world titles and his experience and all of a sudden Charles isn't really Ferrari's most important figure inside the team. So they're both trying to soothe each other. Because for the first time ever, Charles doesn't feel like the golden boy, he probably even feels like Ferrari did him dirty (that's what I would've thought, anyway) because who pays two or three times your salary to your second driver? Not any team, that's for certain. Carlos was stability for Charles and it's like his world was thrown off its axis. They were equals, similar in status, genuinely a good team. Charles feels bad and Carlos sees it, because he's lost his teammate, they were supposed to beat Ferrari's record of the teammates that lasted longer and now, well.

And Carlos knows this, and sees Charles handling it just as bad as himself and goes: well. If I don't have to think about this, and make him laugh, then neither of us need to focus on this, right? And the first challenge rolls around and he's tired but Charles is doing his best so why not sing until Charles' annoyed so he doesn't have to see how bone-tired Carlos is? He's sort of protecting Charles' heart by protecting his own. And then there's the little chili and I can simply see Carlos' thought process: this is the last first race of the year with Ferrari, and someone gifted him a chili. And he's chili and he's smooth operator and he's supposed to be fine, but his throat closes up and his eyes fill with tears and he doesn't want Charles to see him like this but it's so much. So he tries to laugh it off. And when he sees that Charles is also thinking the same thing he says, well. At least we're in this together. So he makes Charles laugh by saying he was a chili, too. We don't know what he means, but Charles is so fond and so filled with nostalgia that he laughs, anyway, even though his throat is dry and his eyes are filled with tears. And he gets to keep the chili plushie after Carlos reminded him they're supposed to part ways.

Remember Monza 2022? When Carlos completely ignored the woman who was guiding him to the back of the track so he could follow protocol? And he broke protocol to ask Charles if he was okay? Yeah, that's Carlos, to me. And I no longer feel like he's the only one capable of doing that for Charles, I really have seen Charles fight british and italian press and tell them to respect Carlos' last year in Ferrari, and I see Charles perfectly capable to soothe Carlos as much as Carlos has tried to soothe him. Because he's mourning in front of all of us, basically. And Carlos did go to Jeddah not only to help Ollie, but for Charles' sake, too. Did you see the smile Charles had on his face when they asked him about Carlos and he said that he'd called Senior and he'd told him that it was all okay and that he might've been going to the track later that day? He's doing that in front of all of us, showing us how much Carlos means to him. This is the best and worst time for Charlos fans right now and we have to deal with these two behaving like that for the rest of the year. I don't know how we're going to cope. Again, thank you for sending me these, because I just love to type until I don't make any sense.

#Charlos #Carlos Sainz Jr #Charles Leclerc #vic talks #ask #anon #i'm sorry if this makes even less sense than the previous one #it's been a weird week and it's like let's talk about charlos to cope #again don't just like the post TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS!#1655 #c square #charlos thoughts

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daegall · 2 years

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Tell me everything. (teaser)

↳ Best friends are supposed to tell each other everything, but Donghyuck isn't all that sure if he can tell you about his feelings. (He obviously also doesn't know that you have a big fat crush on him too)

pairing: best friend!hyuck x reader

genre: fluff, crack, slight angst, best friends to lovers!AU

warnings: (in teaser) none (in fic) sickness, a party, some drunk people, swearing, tbd

word count: (in teaser) 521 words (in fic) estimated around 8-9k + words? not sure

a/n: OKAYYYY HI SO LOOK I KNOW THIS FIC WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DONE AND POSTED LAST MONTH ON HYUCK'S BDAY AND I KNOW THIS IS LIEK THE 3RD TIME IM POSTING A TEASER BUT FUCKKK writers block hit me like a whole truck and here i am a month later only halfway done with it anw <3 happy late bday to hyuck HAHA

this is actually meant for my 1k event ! if you're a writer and seem a little interested, don't hesitate to join as many times as you'd like <3

release date: honestly idk atp LMAO

"What's a random thing you have never had?"

Yes, a scheme to find him a birthday present.

"For example, I never had a gemstone before. Pebbles, rocks, sure. But like rubies and all that jazz? Never."

At first, Donghyuck was a little bit suspicious of your actions and words, but the moment you mention the gemstone and have you've never had it, his mind drifts off from the suspiciousness, instead racking his brain to find a thing.

It takes him a solid minute, one minute of a cute little thoughtful pout, one moment of his low focused humming, one minute of staring at his cute habits. God, perhaps you have it bad for Lee Donghyuck.

As you stare at him, you can't help but wonder what this certain object might be. Donghyuck's been gifted very random things by lots of people. There was a time he got a whole pack of chopsticks for Christmas. It was the craziest shit ever.

"Snowglobe."

You barely get to process his words, before you burst out laughing, very amused by his words. Though Donghyuck is confused, and shocked, he can't help but laugh along with you. He always found your laughter very contagious and enlightening.

"What?" He asks softly between chuckles, eyes glued to the screen, where you attempt to stop your laughter, but fail miserably.

"N-nothing," you snort, "that was just the last thing I expected."

And honestly, Donghyuck gets it. He gets it completely. Snowglobe, of all things, but it’s the truth, it really is.

Donghyuck leans in closer to his screen, if that is even possible, smiling fondly as you quiet down from your laughing fit. You have your face stuffed into a pillow, eyes shut as you try to regain and steady your breath. “It is pretty random, isn’t it?”

Your best friend can’t help but think you look… so precious. How many people in the world get to make you smile this much, how many people can get you to laugh as hard? For some reason, he can’t help but feel almost so special to get to have you in his life. To have you listen to his god awful jokes and to have you accompany him in a call. God, how did he even manage to get you to bake his favorite cookies?

And suddenly, when he glances at you, closing the window to his (finished and submitted) essay, you look way too good for a best friend. Grinning down at your laptop as your favorite part of your comfort movie plays, when have you ever looked so good before?

Considering the fact that Donghyuck was okay with you kissing you just a few days ago, and how you seem absolutely ethereal to him, he’s pretty concerned.

What is going on? Why is he feeling this way towards you, after months of being so close, why has he only noticed now?

When Donghyuck softly smiles at the sight of you already mouthing along to your favorite dialogue of the whole movie, he realized that not only is he okay with you kissing him, he wants you to kiss him.

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lipglossanon · 1 year

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hellooooo, back at it again with these intrusive leon thoughts>:)

this time though, it could be because my period is getting close, but i feel pretty down lately and these intrusive thoughts are winning soooooo

Leon angst anyone?

its not anything too deep really, just poor lil reader catching leon at the wrong time :(

like she's just chilling in her room, playing with her phone and all, but then she decides to go down to the kitchen to get smth to eat cuz she's a bit hungry. she's about to step down the stairs and turns around a corner when she suddenly hears a female voice, an unknown female voice. peaking around from behind a wall, her eyes widen in shock as a heavy feeling drops down to her stomach, nothing but a painful ache in her heart at the devastating sight in front of her. right on the couch in the living room, she sees her step brother, his arms wrapped tightly around some girl she's never seen before; they're both smiling and laughing with each other, seems to be watching some kind of movie that they're clearly not paying attention to. for some reason, her heart tightens up so bad that she feels like she couldn't breathe at all; it feels like a heavy weight is on her shoulders as her breath hitches in her throat. why is she feeling this way? it's not like she's together with leon, or at least not romantically. that thought only makes her feel even worse. unknown to her, tears begin to fill her eyes and slide down her cheeks as she cries quietly. not feeling hungry anymore, she slowly goes back up to her room and locks the door, sitting at the edge of the bed again. even then she can still hear their laughter downstairs, as if they're taunting her. laying on the bed with a small thump, she cries silently into her sheets as her body shakes a bit from the hurt she's feeling. she doesn't even come down to eat dinner no matter how many times her mother knocks on her door and basically orders her to come down, all she can think of is leon with that girl. who the hell even is she?

her body tenses up immediately when she hears his voice on the other side of the door, "sweetheart? can you open the door?"' his hand twists the doorknob as he knocks the door softly. she doesn't respond back to him, just laying there with tears now getting dry on her cheeks. leon stops after a while and sighs, then suddenly she can hear the sounds of keys jiggling outside, making her slightly panic.

"I'm coming in." opening the door, he frowns at the sight of her body laying still on her bed, not turning to look at him excitedly like she used to.

"hey princess, what's wrong? come on you gotta talk to me. Mom's really worried you know?" finally slowly turning to leon, his concern expression turns to a shock one when he sees her red and puffy eyes. quickly getting closer to her and pulling her to his chest, he coos softly and pats her hair gently.

"baby what's wrong? who made you cry?" his comforting tone gets a bit hostile when he asks the last question, but it immediately changes when she answers.

"you."

BOOM CLIFFHANGER MWAHAHAHA. i might add more since i need more time to think but yeah feeling quite down right now and leon's brain rot isn't helping much.

may i have a small blurb about this if ur comfortable at writing angst? :)

Yooo you’re back at it again with the feels ;_; but I get emotional before, during, and after my period so this hits so hard it’s not even funny 😔

Noo not Leon accidentally breaking her heart 😢 please I need closure 😭 who is the girl? Why were they snuggled on the couch? I have unanswered questions!! 😫

I’d love to write one! I’ll try my best cause angst is hard for me 🤣 mainly cause I want even fictional people to be happy (life is sad enough lmao). You have any more ideas for this?? I want any and all info you have haha 😂 so my mental picture matches yours 😆

#ask box #stepbro!leon s kennedy #lipglossanon #lipglossanswers #angst #sad girl hours

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bejaeyoung · 2 months

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NGS2P2 — struggling to shut up

it's time for the interview. honestly, jay has half a mind to keep yapping and yapping until he talks the interviewer's ear off. it feels like a good form of revenge, almost. but he should probably answer the questions properly, at the very least. that doesn't mean he won't keep speaking though, his brain still runs several miles per hour and he doesn't have the ability to halt it at this time. or ever, really.

he can only hope the interviewer knows what they're up against ( or not, because that would make good tv too ).

you didn't seem very happy with your current placement. is there a reason why?

jay scoffs—what a ridiculous question. what is he supposed to say to that? obviously? no shit, captain obvious? it's like they're trying to get jay heated. "yeah, i'm not. but that's not surprising, is it? it's not a very good ranking, all things considered. i would hope i did better, but i guess i didn't. whatever, bygones are bygones. all i can do now is make sure i do better." he lets out a laugh, pointed and sharp. "and what do you know? that's the title of the song we performed."

do you think you did better with this performance then?

"i'd like to think i did, but who knows? i'm not the judge." he doesn't even mean to sound cruel or accusatory, it's just how he speaks. even the camera pointing at him isn't enough to deter him from talking without a filter. but hey, at least he isn't cursing. a win is a win. "i put my all into it, that's what i can say. i danced, i sang, i rapped. it's not easy, anyone here can tell you. but i wanted to make sure people hear; that i'm not just yelling."

how was preparation for the performance?

jay wants to ask a question of his own: what's the point in asking that? realistically, he's aware that these are standard questions to ask those who are contestants in an idol survival show, but he believes they're unnecessary. most of them would have the same answer. won't people get bored? or do they just cut out the boring answers? "kinda funny. saw someone fell though, that wasn't very funny." he actually makes an effort to not sound sarcastic, for once. "it was hard, days and nights go by in a blur. suddenly it's already midnight and i'm still working on the moves. it'll be worth it in the long run, though."

how does it compare to your performance during your audition?

"you mean my proper performance, or the one where i was balancing things on my fingers? i swear, people will only remember me for that now." jay decides to answer the comparison with the former option. "it's not exactly my type of song, but i won't whine about stepping out of my comfort zone. it was fun, i had a blast. is it that surprising if i preferred to perform with a song of my own choice though? i think the other contestants would agree."

what did you find challenging during training?

"a bunch of things." jay doesn't know how to reply, so he just chooses to be annoyingly vague. "it's a pretty short time to practice, not that it's a bad thing. the time constraint makes it feel all the more real. if you're really in it for the right reasons, you'd stay behind and work till your can feel your bones ache." and that's a sentiment he kept throughout the late nights he stayed behind.

#( solos. )#be:ngs2p2 #( wc: 603 )#/ ofc his interview is the longest #he wont shut up

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if-walls-could-talk · 2 years

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borderline: my take

i want to understand what makes me unapproachable, what makes people see me and turn away. how is it that i intimidate others and think i've truly not done anything to fear others? why do i know how reactive i am yet when others say they're afraid i laugh and tell them it's not really me?

there is something so parasitic about being me, about my fight or flight response always being fight first, flight later. where is the off switch? why does my body shake in anticipation and why do i laugh at the idea of proving someone wrong, of having the upper hand? am i truly the monster i fear being? maybe i am just used to being tossed around. then again, does anybody truly deserve to feel my pain the way i feel it?

i sometimes feel that maybe if i told people i loved them, maybe if i forced myself to be more engaged, more present in my friends and family's lives, that i would be fixed. yet every time i try to force out "i love you" i find myself choking. gasping for air and thinking "this isn't right, it's not true". sometimes i wish people wouldn't tell me they loved me so that i wouldn't feel obligated to say it back. so that they wouldn't feel pained by my lack of reciprocation.

i watch others interact around me and i wonder how they do that. no amount of mirrors could ever make me like them, make me feel the way they do, make the laughter come more easily, make the smoke clear my brain, fix the wiring. the world doesn't move with me or around me, it moves without me. i am the outlier, the pluto of social living. people move through me and all i can do is watch.

i am tired of hearing "you can't control it." i'm not convinced. maybe if i think hard enough i'll be able to rewire the entangled mess in my brain. maybe if i think hard enough, i'll uncover that maybe i really am just a bad person. maybe i don't really want to change, maybe i can control it and i've lived a lie. i wish i could pry open my head and rearrange everything, make things go away. remove what i don't need.

i am tired of being something people deem bad, a danger, triggering, abusive, whatever they may think. i'm not bad. i'm not. i don't want to hurt you and i'm sorry if i made it seem that way. i'm sorry i hurt you. i'm sorry. all i wanted was to keep you, to store you away in a crystal box with an opalescent shimmer, protect you from anybody who tried to hurt you. maybe in truth all i wanted was for you to stay, though you had no obligation. maybe in truth all i wanted was for you to say see you later and not goodbye, wanted you to turn around and wash away the tears, hold me and wait for the storm to pass. but that isn't your job. you shouldn't need to fix me, to be the one to patch the holes in my heart and head. i am not an obligation, not to you, someone who was once a stranger and turned a friend, a partner. someone who is now again a stranger, instead it feels like i traveled back in time when you didn't know me still. where i kept my memory of the future and i'm watching you live a life without me. i didn't mean to cause a huge dent, to be a problem. i didn't mean to let you witness the worst. maybe it was better that you saw it before anyway. i gave up on loving because all it's done for me is leave me empty, a carcass of nothing but tears and screaming. i've become a heartless being, someone who sucks the life out of others under the guise of loving them, under the impression that i am protecting them, helping them. i gave up on loving because i don't deserve to be loved the way i want to be. i turn red at the nicknames and the gentleness makes me feel so light. yet i am reminded that you deserve better. i am reminded that i am not a happy ending and never will be, not for you. i don't do enough to deserve you, i don't show enough compassion, enough tenderness. i am vulnerable but at what cost? i fear that i have nothing substantial to give you, that i won't be as emotionally present as you need me to be. i fear that my apathy will hurt you, that even my attempts to love you the way i want to will become dust. i keep my distance because you deserve an unbreakable love, one free of apathy and pet peeves and anger, one free of my tears and full of someone else's laughter.

most importantly i want to be free. i find comfort in dreams of me dying, comfort in dreams of the world ending. there is peace in knowing that it all comes to an end. there is peace in knowing i have served my time. there is peace in knowing that i no longer will suffer. there is a satisfaction in knowing i will never feel this way again, that i will never need to hold back another scream. once you become part of the void of death and nothingness, nobody will hear you. nobody will ask what's wrong. nobody will bother you. you can scream and cry and there is nothing you have to do that can put it on hold. but what happens if i can't scream or cry? what happens when no noise releases?

then again, will i ever truly be free of anything?

#notes app #vent ??#writing #personal #bpd #personality disorder #borderline personality disorder

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luvlyrv · 3 years

Text

Uncover | Seulgi x F!Reader

Genre/warnings: fluff, angst, homophobia (religious)

Summary: You quickly learn that while it was easy to be dishonest with yourself, it was nearly impossible to lie to Seulgi.

Word Count: 4.7k A/N: This has been something wracking up in my brain since June. It's kind of embarrassing that it's taken this long but it's a lovechild of my emotions. Enjoy, and I hope you feel things.

Date: 9/21/21

You can't imagine a day without her, because she's always been there. Right from the day you could remember. You bet that she could be your last memory too.

Your first memory has you sitting in the living room playing with your toys as you anxiously eye the other child in the room. Some strangers had rung your doorbell and your mom and dad had welcomed them into the house. Now they were in the kitchen, their voices blending into each other in the background.

The small girl in front of you decided to take the liberty of picking up your toys and playing with them. She ran around playing in the imaginary world in her head. You think that she's having fun and that you want to have fun too, but you can't seem to move from your position. As you slowly try to build up the courage to talk to her she approaches you.

She had been glancing at you from the corner of her eyes too. She watched your shy self idly playing all alone. She found it hard to approach you, scared of you pushing her away or being mean, but she thought maybe it was worth it. You could be a friend.

"Hi!" The strange girl is right in front of you with one of your stuffed toys in hand. "Do you want to play with me? I'm Seulgi!"

"I'm Y/N…"

For the rest of the hour the two of you chased each other in a shared adventure. Enraptured in your own little wonderland until your parents had to pull you apart.

Soon it became a ritual for those strangers, who you later learned to be Mr. and Mrs. Kang, to visit your house. Along them was always their daughter Seulgi, who wouldn't hesitate to pull you into a large hug right before starting a new adventure with you.

You slightly trail behind your best friend. You smile at yourself from the sight of Seulgi happily skipping, somehow filled with even more vigor than she usually has. She's always been filled with much more energy than you, amazed by even the smallest of things. You suppose something truly spectacular must be happening today for her to feel so extra. She turns her head over to look at you, flashing you her perfect smile with her perfect cheeks. The ones you always want to squish when you remind her of how cute she is.

She continues to bounce but slows down to be by your side. One of the favorite parts of your day, and hopefully hers too, would be the peaceful walk the two of you would always share before and after school. It always reminded you of how close you are. How you can always rely on her to listen and to brighten up your day.

She bites her lip while still smiling. She must be thinking about something.

"What's got you so excited today?" You ask her with a giggle.

"Guess!" She pesters leaning into you. A familiar feeling emerges in your chest from the contact.

"You know I'm really bad at guessing…"

"Well why can't you try?"

"All I know is that it has to be something really special, right?" You decide to lean back and push her a little as a tease.

"It is! Mom and dad bought me my favorite ice cream that we can share later today!"

You laugh at her as she continues giving her dumb smile. Seulgi moves in front of you with her eyebrows raised, waiting to hear your opinion about the news.

"Is that it?" You ask still laughing. She pouts a little.

"What do you mean 'is that it'? It's my favorite! And I get to share it with you!" With that you pull Seulgi in for a side hug.

"I'm kidding, I'm excited too."

You enjoy listening to whatever nonsense Seulgi thinks about and decides to spill to you as you guys continue walking. You feel a bit disheartened at the sight of the school building, but looking at Seulgi again is enough to make the disappointment go away.

As much as you wish it did, your schedule wasn't entirely with your best friend. Instead you had to split up as you entered the school grounds to your different classes. Fortunately you shared at least some classes with her, and most importantly lunch. So when you sit down at your desk with nobody talking to you, you don't feel too lonely. The anticipation of being reunited with Seulgi was enough for you.

As usual Seulgi finds your figure sitting down at a lunch table and immediately rushes towards you. She taps your shoulder as she sits down, hurriedly opening up her lunch box, her beastly appetite striking again.

"Oooh." She oogles as the both of you breathe in the sudden aroma of homemade food. You peer over to look at the contents of her lunch box. You swore that you can see the steam coming off of her rice.

"Open up!" Seulgi playfully demands of you. You oblige as she not so carefully throws a grape your way. It would've been lost if you didn't move your head to make up for the completely inaccurate trajectory.

"How are you still bad at this?" You ask her after chewing.

"Maybe I just like to see you work for your food." You laugh at her response as you carefully pick up a spring roll from your box and place it in hers.

"Mom fried it this morning so you better enjoy."

You enjoy the long-time tradition of sharing food and eating in relative silence. That time was short lived though as a small group of girls joined your table. You didn't mind them much, you'd even consider them casual friends. At the same time though, they were bothering you.

You found it strange that despite finally being with Seulgi you felt so lonely. So lost.

Seulgi's popular, you know that. A lot of people try to befriend her and fight for her attention. Being the social butterfly she is she never hesitated to say hello back and return the friendliness. By proxy you met a lot of nice people, a lot of not so nice people, and more. They never really stuck by for you though. They stayed for Seulgi.

You wish you understood why you were so bothered by those that stayed. Why you were always feeling jealous recently. You wonder if it's natural to feel so intensely sick when you watch your best friend's attention be pulled away by several different girls at a time, or laugh at a guys joke. Well, maybe you do know why.

You quietly sigh and push the thought away, instead trying to join in the chatter and laugh with everyone at the table. Just as you were about to calm down and ease into the group a sudden large group of guys and girls approach. One boy in particular seems to be leading the pack. You purse your lips as you silently watch them come over. Seulgi absent-mindedly continues talking, completely unaware of what was about to occur.

You tighten your hands into a ball as a feeling bubbles inside you. You can't place what it is. Is it fear? Anger? Jealously? It's probably both.

The boy also tightens his hands as they grip onto his shirt. You watch him bite his lip and see how a red color crawls up his neck and reaches the tips of his ears. You hold in a breath as he finally arrives at the table and Seulgi looks up at him.

"S-Seulgi." He barely manages to say her name aloud.

"Huh?" She looks at him cluelessly but gives him her full attention anyways.

"I like you! A lot! So if you can, please go out with me!" The boy's words spill out, as if his mouth was a floodgate holding them back. He reaches behinds him and quickly bends over to give Seulgi a piece of red paper, shaped like a heart. He probably wrote about his feelings extensively on it.

Your eyes had been focused on the love-stricken boy. It's hard for you to move your eyes towards Seulgi. You realize now what you're feeling. You fear what you'll see when you look over at Seulgi to see her reaction.

You notice that she's red too, the color slowly blossoming across her cheeks.

Why does this hurt you?

"Erm, ah, thank you." She says out of politeness and bows back. She gives him a smile and that seems to excite him. "I'll think about your confession."

He eagerly nods his head and leaves the table, happy with the results of his actions. The crowd around him seem to think that was a good ending and started whispering and congratulating him. You look back at your table and the girls are murmuring too.

"He's cute, you should definitely go for him!"

"I heard he treated his last girlfriend nicely. They're still on good terms."

"I've never seen you date before. Isn't now your time to explore?"

Seulgi just takes it all in and nods along with what they say. Your head hangs low as you pick at your food. You don't dare look up. You're scared of seeing Seulgi's face again. You're scared that tears will start falling.

It was like the weight of the world had fallen on your chest.

When the bell dismisses you from lunch you quickly go to your next class. You don't say goodbye to Seulgi or any of the other girls. You feel the light graze of Seulgi's fingertips as she tries to stop you, but you're too fast.

The rest of the school day is you trying to focus on studying, and when your last class finishes you're not sure what you'll do. Everybody leaves the classroom before you as you take some time for yourself. Breathing in and out, you mentally prepare yourself to face Seulgi, as if she was some type of monster.

As you exit the building and get near the gates you see a swarm of people with Seulgi in the center. They're probably there to ask about how she feels about the confession that happened. You sigh and almost contemplate leaving without her, but her eyes quickly find yours. Seulgi politely but abruptly says her goodbyes and runs towards you.

As Seulgi's figure grows nearer there's a feeling of satisfaction. It was like you had won some petty fight, and that feeling was able to erase the fear and nerves you had earlier. A smile grows on your face she reaches your side, your bodies automatically matching your steps. You enjoy the warmth when she locks her arm with yours. Not knowing what to say, you let silence fill the space in between the two of you until Seulgi decided to break it.

"So, do you wanna stay at my place for a bit so we can eat that ice cream?"

Seulgi's keys jingle as she unlocks her front door. You follow in after her, putting your shoes away as she dashes towards her refrigerator to retrieve the ice cream from the freezer. You walk up towards her as she hands one to you. Naturally, both of you make your way outside into her backyard.

Her backyard is quaint, housing a nice garden that her mother often tends and one large tree. The two of you rest under it, appreciating the winding arms of the apple tree that has always given you and Seulgi refuge. You enjoy the taste of the ice cream, perhaps the shade was enhancing its flavor. Either way you understood why its Seulgi's favorite. The refreshing taste and Seulgi's presence puts a smile on your face. You feel yourself opening up again as you guys joke and talk about your day in between bites and licks. By the time you finish eating your ice cream she had managed to convince you that she needed your extra help in math. As always you agreed to tutor her.

She argues that you should stay underneath the tree as she gets up to throw away the trash. You watch as she goes back inside the house, coming out again with a shiny apple in hand that was picked only a couple days ago. You laugh a little as you ask,

"Still hungry?"

"Enough for a little snack."

She sits by you and takes a rest on your lap. You brush her hair away as you look into her eyes. You can tell she's thinking about something.

"What's wrong?" You ask her.

"Well, I was just wondering, why were you upset earlier?" She says in a serious tone.

"Huh?"

"You didn't even say goodbye at lunch, and don't pretend I didn't notice you almost leaving without me." There's a hint of hurt in her voice. You feel bad for not keeping your emotions in check better, that you threw a fit over something so small.

"Well," Your voice trails off as your mind struggles to think of a response, "what does that boy mean to you?" You decide to ask.

"Oh so now you want to know about that too?" There's only a slight annoyance in her voice as she gives you an eyeroll.

"I'm your best friend, of course I'm curious." Seulgi huffs at your response. She can't blame you for wondering so she takes a moment to think before answering honestly.

"I mean, I guess they weren't wrong. He's kinda cute, and I know it took a lot for him to say that to me. I admire him for it." She said it in a casual manner, as if it wasn't a big deal. Yet for you it meant everything. And it hurt.

You can't control the frown that found its way on your face.

"Hey…" Seulgi quickly gets up from your lap. She has a confused expression as her eyes scans yours. "Hey, what's wrong?" Her voice is soft as she puts a hand on your shoulder.

Your chest is about to explode.

"Do you like him or something?" She continues to grip onto your shoulder with a confused face. She thinks she was the one who did something wrong. That she's stealing someone away from you, but that was so different from the truth.

"No, Seulgi, I-" You pause to think about what you're going to say. Something was about to come out instinctively, and you don't know whether or not that was the best decision.

"You what?"

She presses you for an answer but you're still thinking. You're thinking about you know you can't handle her possibly being close to someone else. To share all of her laughs with that boy. To smile at him and spend time with him. To do all the things that exists between you and her. Living would feel wrong if you were no longer the one she ran to and spilled her secrets to.

Who are you if not Seulgi's biggest and only confidant? The only one who could soothe her in her darkest moments? The one who understands every feeling and thought just by the way she blinks?

You're intimately familiar with the feeling in your chest now. You think that you know what it is too, but that doesn't make you hate it any less. If you could, you'd sacrifice every fiber of your being to forget that feeling and throw it away. To pretend it doesn't exist. But your wishes don't make it go away.

You can be dishonest with yourself, but it's impossible to lie to Seulgi. Not when she looks at you like that.

"I like you."

The words are barely a whisper but she hears. Seulgi's hand falls off your shoulder and you want to cry again. You said the wrong thing. She was going to think you're disgusting. She would never go on a walk with you again. You'll never smell her perfume again. You'll never hear her laughter again. She'd never touch you again. Never speak to you again.

Her mouth is open slack. Your eyes water and you breathe in, readying yourself to apologize profusely. To rescind the blasphemous words that slipped out of your foul mouth.

"I'm so sorry. Just ignore it. I take it back. I think I'm sick or something, you know, delirious. Just ignore it please. Please." Tears begins to fall down your face as Seulgi seemingly snaps back to reality. She reaches towards you, taking your face in her hands as her thumbs swipe away the tears.

"Oh my god, no, don't cry." She begs you to stop, but you can't.

"I-I'm, I'm sorry." The tears continue to make their way down your face. A horrible sickness wells in your stomach and suddenly it feels below freezing as you shake uncontrollably.

"No, don't be." She hugs you tight and whispers in your ear. "I like you too. So stop crying. For me, please." She strokes your back as you cry, hoping that the touch could settle you down.

It takes a while for you to register what she says, but as soon as you do your body seizes up. You think that maybe your everything, your soul, has shattered into a million pieces from Seulgi's words. How in the world could it be true? It couldn't be, not in this universe, not in this timeline.

Yet it was.

When Seulgi hears your sniffling stop and your body letting go of its tension she separates her body from yours. Her eyes are all you can see, and all you can see in them is pain.

"I'm sorry for making you worried." You felt guilty that she had to see you cry. The outburst at school wasn't great either.

"Don't worry about it" She reassures you by taking a hand in hers, stroking it with her delicate fingers to show you her affection. For several moments you allow yourself to breathe. Seulgi also took the time to process everything, and the two of you stared at each other with the new understanding of your feelings. Time seems to pass so slowly when you observe each other with care.

"Seulgi…" You mumble when what felt like years passed. She understood what you meant when she saw the way you looked at her lips.

In that moment you couldn't care anymore. Neither could Seulgi, it seemed, as you pressed your lips on hers and she pressed back. Greedily, the two of you dived in for a taste. Your lips on hers, her tongue in your mouth, it was something you needed. It was a flavor you could relish forever, perhaps this is what sin tasted like. Yes, this is what they'd call it. A sin.

It feels like everything has changed, but at the same time it hasn't. You still spend every second possible with Seulgi. You spend your time doing the same things. Yet everything feels so different, it feels brand new. Magically, it feels better than before. Is this the power that Seulgi has over you?

Nobody knows, nobody needs to know. After all, you're still Seulgi's bestfriend. Is there really anything different? Maybe just the tighter hugs, the kisses, and the alluring smiles, but that's all. Life is easy this way.

After bidding Seulgi goodbye in front of her house you go home to eat dinner with your family. You come home and greet your parents with a smile as you rush to join them at the dinner table. They share that smile as they take note of your enthusiasm recently. As you eat quietly for a while your mom finally asks you what's been going on to make you shine so much.

"Well..." You debate on what to say. It's been over a month since you confessed to Seulgi but you were still feeling high. You've been holding it for so long you wished you could tell someone. Why not them? You want them to be happy with you too. "I've been dating Seulgi."

"Hm?" Your mom asks you somewhat aggressively for clarification. The sudden stillness in the air alarms you. You look up from your food to see your mom staring as your dad stops eating.

"I-I told her I liked her and she liked me back." You say hoping to clear whatever confusion was occuring. Yet the look on your parents didn't fade.

"What happened?" You father's question sounds more like a statement as he sternly places his utensils down.

"What do you mean what happened? I just told you."

"What happened to make you like this?" His cold voices breaks a little as you notice his eyes tearing up. Was he seriously upset about this?

"You're joking, right?" Your mom joins in with an angry tone.

"Of course I'm not. Mom, she makes me really happy." You struggle to keep yourself composed under the scrutiny of both of your parents.

"Y/N. You are not happy. You're messing with the devil right now and he's fucking up your mind."

"Have you not been doing your prayers?"

You can barely fight for yourself at the dinner table. Your parents argue with and over you, about the causes and the whys. About the signs and what happens next. You cry as you watch your decision unfold into your nightmare.

You knew deep down inside this would happen, but you hoped and prayed that it wasn't true. Perhaps Seulgi made you too happy, too brave. Everything else felt like it was going right so you convinced yourself this would too. You've flown too close to the sun and it backfired. You should've never said anything.

As you try to block out the fight unraveling in front of you you could only scream one thing while crying. "Wouldn't God want to love me? Wouldn't He want you to love me too?"

The scrape of the wooden chair echos as your mom shoots up straight. "I will not house some heathen under my roof. Get out until you realize what you've done to this family."

It's raining. The relentless torrent of water against your body traps in the coldness from the night, leaving you shivering as your feet move on their own. They move to the only other place that feels like home. The only other person that feels like home.

Soon enough you find yourself in front of a familiar door, incessantly knocking. Muffled footsteps come from the other side of the door as you hear locks being undone until the door finally opens. Instantly there's a look of worry on Mr. Kang's face as he takes in the scene in front of him. He quickly ushers you in and shuts the door.

"Who is it?" A voice rings from upstairs.

"It's Y/N!" Mr. Kang yells back, and soon enough you hear a flurry of footsteps coming downstairs. Seulgi, in her tired glory, appears. She rushes towards you as her father went off to find you some towels to dry off with.

"Oh my god, what happened? Why are you here? Are you okay?" Seulgi's honey eyes are glistening with worry. She doesn't seem to care too much about the fact that you're soaked as she embraces you in a hug. Her body soothes you, its warmth penetrating the cold, wet clothes that clung to your body. You let her ground you back to reality before speaking.

"I don't wanna talk about it right now." You barely manage to get the words out. Your throat feels tight, constricted. Throughout the entire time the tears haven't stopped running down your face as it mixed with the rain water. Seulgi rubs your back as her father comes back. Both of them begin patting you dry.

It feels a bit pathetic as you have two people fretting over you so much, but you're too tired to move. Maybe not even tired, but rather stuck in your own thoughts.

"Go get her something to change into. Are you gonna stay the night?" Her dad asks after making Seulgi go back upstairs to find clothes. You just nod in response and follow her.

When you enter Seulgi's room you find her hastily going through her drawers, finding something comfortable for you to wear. After digging through her clothes she hands you some sweatpants and an oversized shirt, much like her own outfit she was sporting. Your hands are in front of you and holding onto the clothing, yet you still can't seem to move much. Instead your lips tremble as you look at the floor. Seulgi sighs as she nears you, unfolding the clothes and looking at your trembling hands.

"Don't make me dress you." She half-teases. When she realizes you can't will yourself to move a grim line stretches across her face. She wonders what has gotten you so riled up to act this way.

Carefully, she removes your clothes and throws them into the laundry pile. Her fingers innocently skim your body as she puts on the clothes for you, with you doing the minimal movements required to help her. Over the years she's already been more than familiar with your body, and the same for you with her touch. Although you can't vocalize it you silently appreciate the care and intimacy she demonstrates.

Soon enough she finishes though and pulls you towards her bed. Sitting you down she places herself behind you after grabbing a dry towel. She begins to dry your hair while letting you stay silent. Another thing you appreciated about her. She let you take your time.

"Seulgi..." Your voice croaks out as if you've aged several decades.

"Yes?" She stops drying off your hair, instead placing the towel down as she wraps her arms behind you and leans forward.

"They know." She doesn't say anything but her body is still for a minute. Afterwards she finishes drying off your hair, at least one of you can stay calm in this situation. That's what you need. "They told me to come back when I come to my senses."

"It's okay. Everything will be okay. We'll figure something out." You let her guide you down on her bed. Your crying had stopped a while back, but the shock coursing through your body didn't. As Seulgi pulled up the sheets and began to hold you you turned around and looked at her. You looked into the eyes that told you everything. Right now they told you that all Seulgi had on her mind was you.

So you think that you should only think of Seulgi too, because you can always forget about the consequences when you're with her. With a kiss on your forehead she tells you to sleep. She gets impossibly closer to you, holding you tight. Holding you as if you are her treasure.

The familiar trees and houses enter your view as you drive down your childhood neighborhood. Your fingers tap on the steering wheel as you listen to the song Seulgi played in the car. Out of the corner of your eye you see her smile at the thought of visiting her parents. It's enough to make you happy as well.

As you near her parent's house you pass by your own. It's been years since you've been inside, years since you even saw it. You're okay with it though, but your mind still wonders how your parents are doing. You wonder if the house is lonelier now, if they ever think about the sparse letters and phone calls you have exchanged and how they always were fights. Do they know you and Seulgi are coming to visit? Will they want to see you?

Whatever the answer is it doesn't matter. The only family you have to worry about is the girl right next to you and her parents. You feel thankful that she's your first love and hopeful that she's your last. Despite how many times your lives have separated you two, how you both dated other people and had your own quarrels, you guys came back to each other in the end. She changed you during your formative years and supported you as the two of you have grown up.

No one else can make you uncover these sides and feelings like she does.

#seulgi x reader #rv seulgi #kang seulgi #red velvet x reader #red velvet scenarios #red velvet imagines #gg imagines #gg scenarios

168 notes · View notes

joyliiejolly · 2 years

Text

As a lover - SEVENTEEN's DK

Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purpose only, so please take it as a grain of salt and live laugh love all the way besties!!

This reading is done by my friend @bluerabb (she usually doesn’t post any reading on her blog and she wants me to post them here so please considerate follow my blog if you want to read more from her ^^). I took note during her reading, proofread and added some of my own thoughts along.

There is a nsfw part in this reading (under “keep reading”), so if you’re a minor reading this, please stop where I put my warning.

Without futher ado, enjoy the reading!

Happy birthday to our Sunshine ☀️ 🌻

I’m forever grateful of you, who saved me from my brain many years ago and till this day 💙

The cards:

Tyldwick Tarot: Queen of Swords, Ace of Wands (complemented by Judgement and Page of Cups), Seven of Cups.

Cosmos Tarot and Oracle: Ace of Pentacles (rx), Five of Pentacles, The 13th card in the Oracle.

Seokmin's love is the purest thing in this world. It's the kind of love that one can't help but cherish, the kind of love that makes everyone believes in the good of loving again.

To Seokmin, every love is his first love. He is always excited for any new love that enters his life, as he sees each of them as a distinct experience to go through. The way he loves is innocent and sincere. He's hopeless romantic and the ideal of true love is there. He believes that there's someone out there who is destined for him and he's destined to be theirs. He will want to do a lot of romantic stuffs with his love one, it can get a little bit cheesy but it's gonna be so freaking adorable ><.

Funny thing is, when he starts to like someone, he would try so hard to act like he isn't interested in them at first :D The reason is simple, he is just so shy and awkward. It will take a lot of time for him to make any move on his feelings. He doesn't want to play around with romance. He wants to make sure whether or not this warm feeling is just a one timing or something more long lasting.

This boy hasn't been in love that much, he lacks of experience, and he's well aware of this. He would wonder a lot about the relationship even before entering it ("Will this last long?", "Can I work this out?", "Will we be good together?",…). And with the tendency to idealize love, if a long-term relationship of him somehow crashes, he will melt down really bad and won't ever be able to fully recover from it.

Though he's a hopeless romantic type of guy, but in love, Seokmin isn't spontaneous, but rather cautious. He might make extremely detailed plans/notes/check-lists in regard to his lover, like what do they like/dislike, their little hobbies and habits, what gifts should he buy in which occasion,… All because he again, lack of experiences and he wants to make it right. An overthinker in love, basically. He is a try-hard one, and because of this, one's love might overshadow the other's, which can lead to a lack of balance in the relationship.

He is also a perfectionist in love, he doesn't want to mess anything up. He will ask his friends, even ask online whenever he wants something from his love one, like a hug, a kiss,…since well, he doesn't know how to. For gifts, he would be like "I don't really know what you like the most, so I bought them all" :D He would even go on wikiHow "How to have a perfect date" and follow the steps exactly how they were written :D "Get them 10 roses", yeah, he will get them 10 roses, no more no less. He follows the steps simply because he believe that if he nails them perfectly, nothing can go wrong.

You know how much of a soft boy he is :D He will get all emotional and cry during important moments, like when they accept his confession/they confess to him, the first time they hug, the first time they holding hands….Yeah, the softest boy everrrr. He will definitely gonna put a picture of his love one on his desk :D And he wants to provide them a home as they like, literally. A little greenery, like a mini garden .

He expresses his love through music. He will gift them the most beautiful sound in this world . He would sing his love one to sleep, recording himself singing for his lover. He will want to dance with his partner, just the two of them swaying the night away, or sing on top of their lungs together. He will send them memes lol or buy them funny stuffed animals. He will definitely gonna make a fool out of himself around his lover just to see them smile (Dad jokes alerted :D).

He will give his lover flowers. It could be some beautiful wild flowers he picked up on the street or a bouquet of mixed white flowers. Red flowers like roses are a must for important day. His favorite kind of date is picnic by a lake, sight-seeing the mountains (basically anything related to nature or in the nature).

(Minor please stop right here!)

Music is an important part of the love-making process and maybe used to built the mood.

Seokmin is a soft dom, a pleaser, who cares a lot about his lover's satisfaction in bed. Since he is very careful, he would be a little bit experimental in bed (nothing too extreme tho), in order to figure out what his partner's preferences and gain some experience, just to please them. He may want to try some positions that require flexibility.

He will give a lot of attention to their feelings and expressions, taking a mental note of their likes/dislikes. All the small, soft spots, places that make his lover goes weak, yeah, he will remember it all.

#seventeen #seventeen tarot #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen seokmin #svt #svt dk #seventeen dk

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tsukishimas-shortcake · 3 years

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Relationship Headcanons

↦ Character(s): Hakkai Shiba x fem!reader

↦ Rating/Warning: No rating though there are some light mentions of abuse (if you have read the manga you are aware of what I am talking about, I’m not going very deep into it though it literally just mentions it), mentions of anxiety attacks (no detail though), fluff, not proof read

↦ Word count: 1.8k (longer than planned, sections are bolded)

↦ Your Momo’s Receipt: Hello~ I’m post yet another TR headcanon and this was requested by the lovely @strawbub I hope this doesn’t disappoint, it did get longer than planned but I enjoyed writing it. I'll prob do a part two that's more of a scenario based on your first date or something since I didn't go into it here. Please note: for those of you who don’t know my blog is currently under construction, meaning I will not be updating my masterlist for the time being.

So how did you guys meet, well mostly because of Yuzuha,

One day in like elementary you’re walking home and you see this super pretty middle school girl just like yelling at this small group of guys

The guys end up running off just because they don’t wanna deal with her or the attention she's drawn to them

Behind her was a boy, taller than her but obviously younger. You didn’t assume they knew eachother though.

The boy and yuzuha began walking in opposite directions because one was going home while the other was going to pick up something like groceries

You’re so entranced by how she stood up to them yet she’s a girl who was far smaller and you end up catching up to her, almost stepping on her heels

You end up absent mindedly following her into the grocery store and eventually she just freezes, turns, and stare directly at you

Your eyes widen since you must’ve been staring and she just goes “may I ask why you’re following me?” And you explain how cool she was earlier. She invites you over for dinner (esp since her older brother won’t be home) and figured it’d be good for Hakkai to meet someone his age

You end up going over but Hakkai didn’t come down to eat so you never actually got to meet him, though from then on you would see Yuzuha every so often, visit every other weekend or so

But no matter how often you came over the next few months, you never once met hakkai,

That was until you both reached the end of your middle school education and we’re about to begin high school

You had gone over because you were going to borrow an old work book from Yuzuha, and when you go to knock on the door the door opens before your closed fist could hit it, instead hitting a firm chest

You blush and quickly apologize but the person in front of you doesn’t move at all, doesn’t say anything and almost looks like they drifted into space with their dead stare

You assume this is yuzuha’s older brother because you’ve also never met him and you immediately turn to walk away but Yuzuha calls over hakkai’s shoulder

“Y/N-Chan! You just got here where are you going?” This was def not yuzuha’s older brother. There’s no way she’d be that happy with him around; oh my god. Realization hit, the guy who you hit (though it was more of a tap) was hakkai.

The hakkai you had only caught a glimpse of in yuzuha’s photos, never talked to or actually seen in person despite going to the same school and living in the same neighborhood

He must hate you. That’s why he avoids you. That’s def why - is what you think

Yuzuha drags hakkai back inside and invites you in; you sit down with them in the living room and watch hakkai visibly relax now that he’s inside his house, his own space, with a pillow behind him and a blanket covering his lower half, he almost curls up into it as he continues to avoid your stare

“Hi hakkai…Kun? Im L/N Y/N” you say and you see his face dead pan once again

Yuzuha can be heard laughing from the kitchen as she comes back in.

She leans over and begins explaining that hakkai literally just freezes with any interaction between him and girls who aren’t in his family

You nod, thinking maybe it’s an anxiety thing? Which is the case with you, but only because he’s been watching you since you’ve come over (not in a creepy way) wanting to and working the courage up to talk to you

The 5th or so time you came over after that encounter he was inches away from introducing himself before the house phone rang causing everyone to kind of “wake up” in a sense

Every time since then he gets closer and closer but isn’t able to say anything; he even realizes he has a crush on you.

The way you sit when you do homework and how cute you look when you’re focused.

How your forehead scrunches up when you’re trying to figure something out and you end up just sitting back with a small huff followed by yuzuha’s signature laughter.

It’s also a huge thing that you get along with Yuzuha.

So enough with first meeting time for the confession.

He ends up confessing accidentally. He didn’t know you were coming over to begin with so he was flustered out of his mind. And how was he supposed to know you hadn’t actually fallen asleep and you could hear him over the tv

The tv was more white noise than anything and the day was hot since it was the middle of summer causing the window to be open and the sound of soft wind and small birds to drift in; this was the hot that makes you tired so you were all sprawled out of just sitting in a daze

So while resting your head on the table you’re dozing in and out but then you hear hakkai begin to speak, something he never really did around you

Now did you and hakkai text? Yes. Did it take him an hour to reply because his brain would explode when you replied to him? Yes. But was it a start to communication? Also a yes.

You hear him say your name quietly before he moved closer, you can feel his gaze on your features

“I like you” is all he says. Simple and sweet. But you sit there in shock, trying not to blush so he’ll have no idea you heard him but he can tell because your forehead scrunches

You heard him and are focused on if you should reply or not. And he knows that.

You open your eyes and just look up at him, he’s closer than expected. His hand close to yours on the floor and he reaches over and grabs it lightly. Hoping you’ll also return the gesture by holding his hand instead of leaving your hand limp inside his.

And you do, thank goodness, and Hakkai almost mentally can’t handle it.

Once you start dating it’s more so just hanging out at his house or yours; however he talks a bit more and you text a lot more. He’s gotten better at replying. It usually takes him like 15 minutes now

He’s kinda stressed about your relationship but not due to anything you or him did

He’s stressed because of the mentality his older brother gave him

Is he even allowed to be this happy?

He finally has someone thats small enough and naive enough that he can protect you; compared to constantly being protected it’s a sudden, strong, yet good change for him

He’s touch s t a r v e d

Yes Yuzuha shows affection; but he stopped accepting her hugs when he was around 8 just because he physically wasn’t able to handle it due to his bruises and such

But with you, even with his bruises and all you take care of him. Able to coax him into using medicines and toning down the physical violence (that he can control himself)

He also finds it super soothing when you lightly brush over his scars (especially those that his brother gave him), it helps him believe that scars are only physical and can fade with help

One thing that stresses him out the most is trying to hide you from his brother. Any time you leave something at the house its easy to pass it off as yuzuha's but when it comes to things like photos he has with you, he can't hang them up, show them off, or have them as his phone Lock Screen, etc. because he just really doesn't want his brother to know and target you since he'll then know that you're his weakness (aside from yuzuha as well)

Sometimes won't explain why he can't hang out and has legit pushed you out of his house before at the last minute notice of his brother coming home

Will always make sure you get home safe though, usually by having Yuzuha go with you since then she can just say you're a friend from school

Your parents love him, though they were a bit hesitant it became a "you always have a place to stay" because they learned about their family situation from you and yuzuha. So expect him to spend the night when he's too scared to deal with his brother. Same with yuzuha. (yes I know this isn't yuzuha head canons but its hard to write for him without mentioning her when they're so close)

We're talking three person sleep overs. Yuzuha and you of course share the bed and Hakkai takes some time to even set foot in your room much less sleep on a mattress that's on the floor

He has a small heart attack every time he comes into your room because he's overwhelmed with everything, he's never been so comfortable and it makes him feel restless. Like he's never and I mean n e v e r been less stressed and slept better than when he does so in your room

The smell, the colors, just being surrounded by you is something that completely changes his mood

Once showed up after he fought with his brother, tears in his eyes and clothes a bit tattered and you just pulled him to your room, and sat down with him.

You laid on your bed with him laying down onto of you, head on your chest as you rubbed his head and only said a few words "its not your fault"

He ends up crying so hard he falls asleep and gets dehydrated and you have to make him drink a bunch of water when he finally wakes up.

NSFW

super fucking careful w you

almost annoyingly so, but you're understanding

He knows that he might be taking things frustratingly slow but he knows that since you understand and know his history that you can help him get through it

Your first time you think you'll have to call it off because he's shaking so bad

"baby... are you sure it won't hurt you?" he keeps asking.

pretty sure that's the longest its ever taken him to finish because he was so anxious

despite being so slow and hesitant, late he isn't too scared to get a bit rougher

but im not talking anything crazy im talking like he's willing to pull your hair a bit or nip a bit harder at your neck.

Please never ask him to do anything like degrade you or some type of harsh physical rough shit, he can't

like literally im 99% sure that if you ask him to choke you or something he will pass out because of the anxiety attack he would have at even the thought.

in short with nsfw though he is sweet boy. He's a switch through and through. Loves when you take care of everything because then he doesn't have to be scared of hurting you.

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equizona · 3 years

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Hello! I hope you have a amazing day! I would like to request Mihawk, Shanks and Katkuri ( sorry I really don’t know how to spell his name but he is big moms child!” ) I hope this doesn’t go against your rule book but i don’t think it will. Do you mind I request with there s/o that EVERYTHING flies over there head and her brain pretty slow. Like the s/o when someone says a joke or flirting she just thinks of it as a compliment, and if someone ask her to do something she just stand there trying to register the words. I actually have to relate to this and it very hard for me to actually have a conversation due to it so if you could write it that would be amazing. ( sorry if it closes or it goes against rules.) thank you a lot for your hard work!✨🌺🌸

Note: Oh my God I don't think I understood this at all? I tried my best though— What I tried shortening it to was someone who's slow with taking up information and isn't good at reading between the lines and such. This probably isn't what you wanted at all but it's my fault so I'm very sorry— (Also I'm assuming you meant Katakuri, the one who Luffy had to right and has the mochi-mochi devil fruition, seeing as you were so close to his name.) ALSO I'm really bad at writing all of these characters, and I've never written them before so apologies in advance.

Fandom(s): One Piece

Character(s): Charlotte Katakuri, Dracule 'Hawk Eyes' Mihawk, 'Red Haired' Shanks

Reader(?): Female/Girl/She/Her

Scenario: A S/O who's slow

Warning(s): Uh, none?

→Dracule 'Hawk eyes' Mihawk

He won't admit it, but watching you be completely oblivious to people flirting with you is quite entertaining to him.

He doesn't mind that you're a bit slow with understanding things, and he'll repeat things as much as he needs to.

He's pretty understanding about it, and doesn't mind it all that much. After all, everyone has their weaknesses.

A part of him worries that if you ever end up in a fight, and someone tells you to duck or something, you won't do it. He does his best to push that to the back of his mind though.

→Charlotte Katakuri

He doesn't think any less of you for the fact you're slow like that. A part of him might even think it's cute—

He has a habit of saying what people are going to say or do before they do it, so sometimes he might say what you were going to say, which can be very confusing.

He doesn't often ask people for favors, so it probably took him a while to learn that you were slow at that too—

→'Red Hair' Shanks

FINDS IT SO AMUSING HE'S SUCH A BITCH ABOUT IT—

He's such a flirt but you never understand his flirting so his attempts at making you flustered fail so misetably and he's just sulking now—

Cue his crew laughing at him

He's a bit of a tease about it, but he means well, and he doesn't think anything bad about you.

If your mind just kinda blanks out at somethings, he's more than happy to show you how to do it.

#one piece #one piece headcanons #one piece x reader #one piece mihawk x reader #one piece katakuri x reader #one piece shanks x reader

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worstloki · 2 years

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1/10 I've never been a big Marvel fan and one of the main reasons is because I think they're so fucking bad at characterization and dealing with actual important problems in their movies/shows. When I first got into the films I was a teenager dealing with a lot of family/identity issues who had gone through a lot of "brain washing" type shit and I connected with Loki a lot on that level, I saw myself in him in a lot of ways (including some of his bad aspects) and being able to look at him with-

2/10 compassion and understanding helped me sort of come to terms with a lot of my own stuff. The way Marvel handled his character though has always upset me, like on a personal level. All of his trauma is completely ignored, or made out to be a joke at times, and the clear racism undertones to his characters whole arch/story are played off like they don't matter. It's very clear Odin/Asgardians are very racist towards the Frost Giants and this plays into how they view Loki, yet this issue is-

3/ never addressed. Loki never comes to terms with his identity or even realizes his Jotun lineage isn't something to be ashamed of, he simply ends up taking Odin's last name and being "proud" to be Asgardian which, sure, if he's finally happy in his family good for him, but the writing there is so awful and I hate knowing they'll probably never even attempt to fix it. I want him to have an arch focused on HIM instead of everybody else, he needs to come to terms with/accept himself. The other-

4/ thing is just.. the whole Loki show. Like what the actual fuck were they doing with that? They played off emotional and physical torture as a joke and completely absolved the perpetrators of any responsibility or repercussions because "haha, it's framed like a joke and it's not visibly gruesome to watch so it's okay and you should be okay with Loki going through all this and never acknowledging how fucked up it is, plus ending up friends with the guy who did it to him!" Like it was-

5/10 genuinely hard for me to enjoy the show when they were just treating Loki like shit the entire time and expecting everyone to find it funny. It was not funny. At all. Especially after he'd already gone through a fuck-ton of trauma and torture and abuse in the film that apparently took place right before the events of the show. I can understand Loki himself having an unhealthy mindset about it, since he'd been dealing with abuse already, for what seemed like a while, and that could really-

6/10 fuck up his perceptions/mindset, but that does not excuse the actual writers from framing it as something funny! Torture's not fucking funny! ESPECIALLY when it's happening to an already tortured and extremely abused character, who's basically just gone through hell due to a bunch of trauma and brain washing! Loki deserved a break, deserved an arch to find and accept HIMSELF, not this weird romcom/drama shit where he's dumbed down and his abuse is played for laughs and he gets stuck with-

7/10 this weird-ass selfcest shit that seemed like they were trying to play up this "love yourself!" trope but instead plays even more into this idea that no one else will ever love him because he's so terrible so he just needs to settle for himself, even though the alternate version of him (who actually is pretty terrible) ends up being like "haha you suck" and leaving him too. Like what is the message here? I am very confused and quite frankly upset. I'm sick and tired of seeing this kind of-

8/10 treatment towards Loki. He's not perfect, he's done fucked up stuff and he does deserve to have consequences for his actions but this is not that! Playing his abuse, trauma and fucking TORTURE for laughs is not a good "point" to make! Playing up the "no one will love you if you don't love yourself" trope just to throw that (already bad take) back in his (and the viewer's) faces is fucked up. I hope the Marvel writers grow a brain and realize that there are real-life people who watch these-

9/10 stupid movies/show and connect with the characters and see themselves in them and actually do have their lives/outlooks influenced by the stories they're telling. I don't want other kids getting into this fandom and relating to these characters just to watch their stories basically tell them "your abuse was funny but your actions are unforgivable, even if you didn't really want to do them/were forced to do them, and no one will ever love you" because that's traumatizing in and of itself! I-

10/10 am just so tired of Marvel being so fucking lazy with their writing because it's genuinely harmful at this point. I can't even image how much it would have hurt to watch that show when I was a teenager. Having all of my worst insecurities and fears shoved in my face with a big neon sign screaming that they WOULD come true, I WAS a terrible person and I was GOING to end up alone. I just- Loki deserves better, his fans deserve better, and every kid who relates to him deserves so much better.

10/10 +1 (Sorry for rambling in your ask box so much! You can ignore all of this if you want.) The way they just threw in "I'm a narcissist" was also really gross. I can totally see it fitting Loki but they handled it so poorly and instead of reflecting on how his trauma caused it/how he was battling it, they just used it as a way to go "yeah, Loki's really scary and bad, see? He has the scary and bad mental illness!" like- fuck you! NPD does not make you bad, shut up and stop being ableist!

u are correct 👏👏👏

#started out strong enough #it was all downhill from there #the Loki show #Language!#L!#the only thing I maybe. disagree with us the selfcest I don’t even care about. that though the messages around it were terrible so yeah #bad selfcest bad not because of the selfcest even

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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youtube

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kpop-dungeon-dark · 3 years

Text

REQUEST (Nerd!Felix/Yongbok x You)

•TRIGGER WARNING•

Warning(s): Non-Con, humiliation, degradation, brat taming, watersports, breath play, rough filthy shit. Read at own risk.

"If that isn't our little Yongbokkieeee~" Felix sighed and shut his eyes tightly when he heard the familiar dreadful voice from behind, holding the straps of his school bag even tighter. "Aigoooi~ aren't you in a hurry, foreign booooy?" Her perfectly manicured hand placed on the boy's shoulder, pulling him back.

"Let go, Y/n-ah…" The boy spoke, trying his best not to snap at the little slut. She was so foolish. A fucking clown. A narrow minded little racist bitch. That's what.

"Ahhhh… your Korean is soooo adorable…" Before she moved to stand in front of him, heavy tits tightly packed in her school shirt, the first few buttons up. "What's the rush, Aussie boy? Too proud to make friends? Tsk, tsk!" Felix felt like smacking her infuriatingly cute little face.

"You know it's not like tha-"

"LISTEN UP, EVERYONE!" Y/n clapped and got everyone's attention, the whole hallway of students going home stopping to look at her. "OUR FOREIGN BOY DOESN'T WANNA BE FRIENDS~" she pouted as if it really hurt her. "HE AVOIDED ME ALL DAY IN SCHOOL TOO! HOW PROUD, TSK!" Everyone booed him, calling him names and whatnot. It was terrible.

Had he known moving to Korea was going to be like this he'd have never agreed. They made fun of his looks, his accent, the grammatical errors he made and his English name that he preferred. Even though Felix was using his English name in his documents now that he was all grown up, Y/n had somehow learnt his Korean one and she wasn't going to let him live it down.

"Aigo what a loser" splashing the juice in her hand at his shirt, the girl clicked her tongue and walked away while laughing, leaving the boy in absolute despair due to how badly it stained his shirt.

He didn't want to hurt her because she was clearly fucking naive and dumb but fuck. Y/n was making it fucking hard.

Felix checked his room one last time to make sure it was clean and smelt nice with just the right amount of ventilation. Setting his books up on the foldable desks he'd set up on the bed, the boy opened up the other desk too. His mom had asked him if he could teach her bestfriend's child some English as they were apparently in the same year as him. The boy was happy to help and agreed so now his mom's friend was going to drop the kid off at their house that he didn't know anything about.

And who else could it be other than the one and only. How fucking cliche.

The male was unsure of how to act when he heard his mom's voice and another women's before his door was knocked, opening as Mrs. Lee along a stern looking tall and built women in a police uniform appeared.

Felix got up and respectfully bowed to the women as she greeted him back, her friendly smile really unusual for her stern features. "Hello, dear. Thank you so much for your kind gesture. I've been looking for a good teacher for quite some time now but my child is… slow." She chuckled. "Maybe it'd be easier for her if someone her age teaches her…"

"Oh, of course. No problem at all. I'd be actually very happy to help. That way I get to revise too and study from a different perspective, ma'am." He didn't know why, but he couldn't stop the smirk from appearing on his face. Oh. She was trying her best to hide behind her mother but Felix had seen the pathetic little girl.

Oh how fucking perfect.

"Ah I hope my kid can learn well from you in not just academics but manners too… Now! Y/n-ah- where…" Her mother looked for her before turning around to find her hiding, gripping her wrist and pulling her in front of the taller boy. "There you are. Now… learn well okay? Felix will take well care of you" her mother glanced at the boy and he nodded, bowing a little bit as he said of course.

Y/n was trying not to die as she was made to stand right in front of fucking Yongbok out of all! How was she so stupid?! She should have put two and two together! Oh fuck! This was bad! This was terrible for her image! Now he knew that she was looking for tuition and not all that careless about studies as she seemed to act like back in school. And she also wasn't a badass in her private life.

Fuck.

"Be good. I'll pick you up on my way back, alright?" The girl had non-existent balls to brat with her mother as she was a firm police woman and knew how to get brats going. She had gotten enough harsh punishments from her mom to even dare to try. Y/n did her best to pretend to be a good kid. Or her mom had threatened to send her off to juvi or a boarding school! "Hm?"

The girl whimpered, feeling the boy's gaze burn into her very soul. "Y- Yes, mommy." She could only whisper back, head lowered all the way.

"Good baby. Now give mommy a kiss." Y/n could die of embarrassment right now, her cheeks burning as she felt humiliated. Oh she had no idea what was coming her way. This was nothing. Her mother still treated her like a 4 year old baby and not like she was 18. It was so fucking stupid!

"Y- Yes, mommy…" There was no use hiding. Yongbok could see it all and he was quietly observing it. Standing on her tippy toes because of being much smaller than her mom, Y/n kissed her cheek. "Bye, mommy." The copper ruffled her daughter's head before leaving with Felix's mother who was also dressed for work.

Lowering her head even more when it was just the both of them, Y/n held her bag right as she didn't turn around, not wanting to face the smug boy, whimpering when he stepped forward to close his door.

"She… doesn't know, does she?" Felix's deep voice pierced through her soul as he turned around to look down at her now, grinning wide. "Tsk… look at this cute little turtleneck and long skirt… those baby shoes and these pigtails…" Y/n felt her heart starting to pound when he suddenly tugged at her twin ponytails, her cheeks feeling even hotter in pure humiliation. "If only you were actually a good babygirl like your 'mommy' thinks and not a skimpy little slutty whore ridiculing people for no fucking reason at school" clicking his tongue, the boy walked to his bed and plopped on it in a relaxed manner, well aware that he had her exactly where a bitch like her should be. "I wonder how she will react if she finds out that you are actually-"

"N- NO PLEASE!" Y/n finally found her voice and rushed to him, helplessly pleading. "PLEASE DON'T TELL M- MOMMY! I- I AM SORRY!" She struggled, not knowing what to say. This was so awkward and strange. Something she'd never thought of. Fuck.

"Ahhh so you really are an all talk whore, tsk. Acting all cool and fearless in school but actually a pathetic little mommy's baby." Felix chuckled tauntingly and shook his head, eyes cold. Months. She'd been troubling him for months simply because he was a foreigner and made mistakes in Korean. "Come here, let me see. I wouldn't be surprised if you're also wearing a nappy under that cute skirt. Do you need a change?" He teasingly went to grab her arm which caused the girl to stagger backwards.

"N- No! No, Y- Yon- Felix! I- I swear I am not! I am not wearing a-- p- please! Don't do this! I- I won't bother you again! You don't even have to tutor me! Just please don't tell mom!" Y/n hated how pathetically she had to beg him.

"Ah… so it's suddenly Felix now, huh?" The male chuckled before speaking again. "Since I am not a pathetic slut like you, I won't tell your mom but in exchange, you'll have to be good for me. If you oblige, good. If you don't, I'll have to tell her, little one. Because what you're doing will end up harming someone really bad."

The girl desperately dropped her bag, sitting in his feet and holding his knees. "Y- Yes! Yes! Alright! I'll be good! I'll do whatever you want! Just don't tell mom! I don't wanna go to juvi or boarding-" her eyes widened before she slapped her mouth shut. Oh no! She didn't just tell him that!

Felix threw his head back and laughed. "Ahhh so it's like that, I see…" He was enjoying this. Looking down at her, Felix felt something stir inside him as his eyes got darker. She looked so fucking perfect kneeling under him like this. It was getting so hard to hold back now that he had her. "Fine. If you don't want to go to boarding or juvi, you'll have to be my little fuck piggy. And when I say that, I mean it. You'll be my literal plaything and there will be no denying my orders. You'll have to obey and be good like a brainless little slave doll… You will only know what I allow. You will only do as I say. No using your own brain, not that it is very smart anyway… That is the price." He had always had… dark desires. Which was one of the reasons he'd never dated much. But when Felix had seen Y/n all those months ago in school for the first time, he had unintentionally imagined how it would feel to ruin her to the point of despair before building her back up.

And now that he was so close to having it. Fuck. The boy was going insane.

Y/n nodded slowly, tears forming in her eyes as she bit her lip. "Y- Yes, I… I agree. I- I'll be your d- doll, Felix… J- Just please d- don't tell anyone… I- I beg you… I- I don't wanna g- go to boarding or…" A sob left her, his finger catching her tear amidst of falling down.

This was so wrong. But she deserved it. Felix was absolutely disgusted by bullies.

"Don't worry. Like your mother said, I'll take goood care of you." The naive girl had no idea what she had signed herself up for or just what his words meant. "Then… why don't you prove your worth by getting up and stripping to let me see my belongings... And, get those dirty little hands off. Fuck toys don't deserve to touch Master unless allowed." Felix swatted them off.

"W- What? M- Master…? S- Strip?" Y/n was lost.

"What else did you think? Some Wattpad romance where I make you my little sidekick or something before I confess that I've liked you all along?" Raising an eyebrow he pushed her back. "Get to it."

"B- But F- Felix-!"

"It's Master!" The male firmly spoke as he glared down at her, yanking one of her pigtails. "Come on now… time's running and we don't have all day my little toy. You better start behaving before it's too late…" Her sobs and tears satisfied him so much.

Y/n slowly got up with her head lowered, trembling as she stepped out of her shoes, slowly pulling her socks off. "I- I can't believe I am doing this in front o- of you.." She whispered while struggling to not collapse on her knees, literally shivering under his firm gaze.

"I also couldn't believe a person as rotten as you existed." Before he grabbed the hem of her dress, pulling her closer and snorting when she gasped, flinching when he leaned back again. Felix's foot trailed up her shaking leg, the top of his foot rubbing against her covered core before he grabbed the waistband of her panties with his toes, pulling them down from under the skirt. "Ahh… so little girl's mommy really doesn't put her in nappies, I see…" Before he looked back up at her face, his foot resting on the underwear between her ankles now. "Skirt off now."

The girl was wiping at her tears as she shakily undid the skirt before letting it fall, her heart pounding even harder when the cold air attacked her core before he made her pull her shirt up and off, suddenly ripping her bra off which caused her to scream.

"Tsk… you sure are jumpy and scaredy for how tough you act." The boy shook his head, feeding off her misery. "Pick that underwear up." Y/n reached for it when he finally removed his foot from the top of it, stepping out of it and picking it up, even her ears red now out of humiliation. "Put it on your head." Another sob left her as he pinched and played with her breast, loving the authority he had over her.

"Fe- M- Master…" Shaking her head, she tried to back away but Felix wasn't having it.

"What did I just fucking say?!" He snapped, towering over her when the boy stood up, making her cower down before she put the smelly article over her head, biting her lips to stop her sobs from escaping. "Such a good toy…" Felix cooed this time, rubbing her head as he pulled it down and covered her eyes with the waistband, pulling her pigtails out of the sides.

"Fuck… you look good. Just how a dumb brainless slut should look." Fishing his phone out, he smirked. "This proves how you've no problem with being brainless. You look fucking retarded but you're doing it because Master said it. That's exactly what this is about. Obedience" before he suddenly kissed her briefly, making her gasp.

"Now~ smile wide for a picture…" Before he turned the camera on and stepped back, making sure her whole body was in frame. Fuck. Felix was so fucking painfully hard. "Come on… don't be shy" he taunted when she sobbed in protest, making him switch to video instead. "Fine, then." His taunting smile dropped to a firm expression as he approached her, placing his feet on hers before he smacked her face, catching it all on camera.

"Aigooo~" he mimicked her, smacking her other cheek, uncovering her eyes but still keeping the underwear on her head. He decided that it will be a new style for her. "Look at this whore~" Y/n's flushed cheeks now received some more slaps before he placed his hand on her nose and pushed it back, chuckling loudly. "Awww such a cute little fuck piggy we have here… she loves this doesn't she?" When she continued to cry, Felix smacked her head and pulled at the girl's ponytail. "DOESN'T SHE?"

"Y- Yes, Master! Yes!"

"Good girl" pushing her nose back to look like a pig's again, the male spat at it. "Now tell Master you're thankful. Get on your knees and be good."

"T- Thank you, M- Master…" The girl cried out, slowly getting on her knees now. "Thank you s- so much…" Felix parted her legs by his foot, cutting the footage and tossing his phone on the bed before kicking her pussy, causing Y/n to jerk forward, face banging straight into his cock.

A moan left him before he grabbed both her ponytails, wrapping them around his hands. "Now I have a present for you. I bought it all a while back and have been keeping it hidden and safe for when I get a fuck piggy. And now that you're here, I'll give you it."

Yes, Felix was pissed at her and yes, he loved destroying her but he was no asshole. She still had that cute little whore face he adored.

Crouching down in front of her, he gripped her chin and kissed her lips again, ignoring her gasp and kissing her again before spitting right on her tongue. "Swallow it and wait for Master to be back. Face down and ass up. I shouldn't have to fuckin repeat myself."

Y/n trembled as she struggled to swallow his spit, bowing down on the ground, slowly raising her nude ass back up. A few moments passed with Felix bringing stuff over and near her, fumbling with things in his closet before he finally closed it and walked to her. "Aren't you lucky? Finding an owner without even looking. There's so many pets like you who have no Master… or not a good one at least, you know…" Standing behind her, Felix rubbed the lube all over the tiny and thick piggy tail assplug. "Aren't you lucky?"

The girl knew what he wanted to hear so she nervously started, having no idea what the boy was about to do. "Y- Yes, Master… v- very luc- AHHHH!" She could only lay there and weakly cry as Felix laughed loudly at her scream because he'd pushed the plug in, tapping her ass.

"Good piggy~" the male cooed and hooked a thin chain to a small loop on top of the plug, slowly making her sit up in silence, the only sounds being her weak sobs. "Just… give in… it'll hurt less that way and you'll be happier." His eyes were trained on what he was doing, the long chain extending from down her plug having nose hooks at the other end that he plugged in her nose, chuckling when her eyes widened as she located the small cage in front of her.

"Oh, yeah. That is your new crib" Felix was clearly loving this. Kissing her stretched little piggy nose, he placed the pink piggy ears on her underwear covered head, followed by a pink collar that had a small bell attached to it. "You look so beautiful…" Kissing her lips again, Felix attached weights to her nipples, making her whine out in pain as she tried to stop his hands. "Oho~" he swatted her hands away, grabbing the piggy hands and feet before putting them on her, finally folding her limbs and binding them.

"Hmmm… that's like a good filthy little fuck pig." Before he attached a leash to her collar and gulped, feeling his balls ache now due to the masterpiece he'd made, pulling at the leash to have her crawl in the cage before he closed it, chuckling at how she kept tripping. "Clumsy pig." Before he started to take pictures, taunting and humiliating her all the while.

When Felix was satisfied with the photoshoot, he opened the cage and walked to the bed, holding her leash and pulling her with him. "Now… the fun part." Before he tucked his aching cock out much to her horror, sitting down on the bed and pulling her in between her legs. Pumping his cock a little, the male moaned loudly as he started to piss on her face, chuckling loudly when she yelled and protested, trying to move away but only falling on her face, choking when he harshly pulled at her leash, forcefully pushing his cock in her mouth. "You better swallow that!"

Y/n started crying loudly again, wails leaving her throat as his hot piss started travelling down her throat, making her choke and gag as he loudly laughed. "What a useless piggy! Can't even be a good urinal." Before he smacked her face again, now starting to fuck her mouth fast and rough, hitting his hard tip against the back of her throat before forcefully pushing in, a trail of piss and spit hanging down her lips.

"Fuck… fuck…" Felix moaned loudly, his cock twitching inside of her and pulsating from how fucking good it felt. From her soft mouth to her tight throat, to how he could see his cock against her skin, her eyes widened when her breath supply would totally cut off from his balls getting stuffed between her lips.

"Fuck… you're no good… I'll have to train you plenty" her cries were causing shivers and vibrations up his cock as he fucked her face up and down his cock by her ponytails, kicking her pussy as he went faster and faster, his hips starting to ache from how much strength it was causing.

"What a dumb slut!" Pulling his cock out of her throat, he kicked her on her back, making her arch her back when the tail plug brushed against the floor. "I need that useless fucking pussy now. It better be worth it." Y/n felt scared and nervous for her vagina now as he warned and crawled over her now, pushing his way forcefully inside, biting down at her lip when he felt her hymen tear and lube his cock up.

"I am going to make an absolute mess out of you." He promised, his deep voice sending shivers down her sweaty body. "My mess."

I am sorry if it was too rough sjskso you said like bullying gone wrong-

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royalydamned · 3 years

Text

SOAKED

|Mycroft Holmes x Reader|

|AN|: I haven't written one shot, let alone something x reader in like? two years? maybe? Reader is written as non-specified gender and is only referred to as "you" , so no pronouns for reader. My love for Mycroft suddenly hit me like a truck after years so I had to contribute.

Summary: Bit of rain, whole lot of feelings, and one love confession. Maybe storms aren't that bad, if they show you that you are worthy of love after all. In Mycroft's case for sure.

Mycroft sighed as he rubbed his tired eyes. The clock on the wall in front of him showed early afternoon, yet cold and darkness spread outside of his windows as the sun hid behind heavy clouds early in the morning. Peaceful but gloomy day. Still, the heavy pounding of rain against the glass of widows and road, as well as the rustle of the wet trees in the wind was oddly peaceful and comforting. He had a hard day of work behind him, and another evening of more work ahead, just another weak attempt to distract himself from a foul mood he was put in because of the complications that came with the weather.

Important plans, well, to him at least. He was supposed to get to see you.

A busy man he was, that wasn't even up for a question. His schedule tightly packed with meetings, paperwork and more than occasional fixing of his brother's mess, or just simply preventing it, it left a very little time for pleasant distractions such as a quiet time spend with delicious cup of tea and your sweet smile. Today was not the day for distraction it seemed, certainly not as big as your company, that left him flustered and distracted hours after you said your goodbyes.

Your meetings were always a special occasion, even if they were short, brief and unfrequent because of how far you lived, Mycroft always cherished them for weeks following, replaying your lovely laugh and almost sparkling eyes in his head as he woke up and texted you a good morning message, or as he layed down to sleep and wished you sweet dreams.

He might have...cared. For you, your happiness, your well being. Much more than he would ever admit, to others that is. Inside his own mind, he knew far too well how utterly enamored he was with you.

The eldest Holmes wasn't the one to act, God forbid act upon his feelings. He could watch you, with crushing ache in his heart and deep longing as you always talked about your newest acquaintanceship, secretly wishing you held the same sentiments as he did.

You never seemed to have a shortage of suitors at your heels, one better looking that the other, with charming smiles and magnetic personas. Likeable, social, just as you deserved. While he--, well, there was no need to ruin his day further with self-describtions. He knew very well how others percieved him and how he looked. Sherlock never failed to remind him if he occasionally forgot.

Mycroft Holmes was aware, that he was nothing anyone would have ever wanted.

The relationship the two of you had now was more than he could ask for, in all honesty. Time spent together, secrets shared in quiet moments and deep trust you held, it was enough. It was all he needed, if he still could watch over you.

Outside a thunder struck, pulling him from the spiral of thoughts that he always seemed to fall into in the loneliest moments. With a deep sigh he stood up from behind his desk, eyes burning from how long he stared into the bright computer screen, and made his way downstairs into the liquor cabinet. He deserved a small break.

His house was dark, almost like a nighttime had fallen outside, but he didn't bother turning on the lights, instead he carefully climbed down the stairs, gripping the wooden railing at the side for security. By the end of the staircase, he deeply regretted his foolish decision, but before he could make even one step towards the nearest lightswitch, a doorbell stopped him.

Confused, he opened the door, only praying not to see his younger brother and his babysitter standing outside, as he had no intention nor the mood to put up with his obnoxious antics this afternoon, but instead his eyes landed on you.

A soft surpised gasp escaped his mouth as he saw you on his doorstep, shivering with cold, your clothes completely soaked, excess droplets falling on your face and the tiles outside, and arms cluthing yourself for the tiniest bit of warmth.

"|Y/N|?" He asked in quiet disbelief, almost as if he thought he was imagining you.

"We agreed to meet after too long, like hell a bit of rain would stop me," you replied with a victorious grin, lips almost purple from the cold and your whole body visibly trembling.

"Foolish," he muttered pulling you gently inside from the atrocious weather. "You are completely soaked."

"You apparently have that effect on me," you smirked, the witty remark escaping your lips without control, and Mycroft was glad you couldn't see the embarrassed shade his cheeks caught. "No, but really, I walked most of the time. You know the tube is too far away from your place, and I didn't have enough money for a cab, I figured it isn't going to be that bad."

"It was."

"It was," you agreed, rubbing your hands together in quick motions, trying to gain the feeling back into your fingers.

"You should change or else you'll catch cold, come." You let him grab your hand, his skin pleasantly warm against your cold numbed one. He tried to think about anything else rather than the feeling of your connected hands, there were more important things now than such minor distractions. The image of you walking outside in the storm, just to see him. Just to be with him. It sent the most pleasant feeling into his stomach, the idea that maybe, he was almost as important to you as you were to him. But that was nothing but a wishful thinking, a desire of a naive man, and that is not who Mycroft was. There was no need for false hopes and embellished reality.

He lead you into his bedroom, the idea of what it would normally mean coloring his cheeks, but he ignored those intrusive thoughts, focusing on helping you warm up in any way possible. "You have to change into dry clothes. Mine should be sufficient for now."

"Alright." Came your voice from behind him, and he turned around to see your topless form.

His breath hitched as he quickly dropped his gaze onto the floor, trying to keep the image he saw out of his mind, out of respect for you. No matter how badly he wished to remember it. Your skin glistening with water, body hiding under the clothes he strangely found himself craving, too primal and illogical for himself to admit. It was too hard keeping his head clear, with the sight from a few seconds ago burned into his brain, unable to ignore, unablet to forget, twisting his inside it certain ways he rarely felt before.

"I will wait outside," he stated finally, pushing the neatly folded pile of clothing towards you without looking up in the slightest, and left the room.

When he shut the door after him, he finally felt like he could breathe easily again. Leaning against the doorframe, replaying the moment again and again, against his own better judgemnet, without the willpower to stop himself, and gulped heavily, trying to get rid of the strange sensation inside of him.

It was like his feelings weren't enough. Like the fact that he, after all, wasn't too different to others, as he was so deeply affected by the helpless emotions of love and how deeply he was hurting with every moment without you. So depended on your presence bringing him joy. Now he steeped so low as physical attraction, pure desire of your touch and your body. He would mock himself if he could, you were just too much.

A soft click of the doorknob caught his attention, and stayed almost staring, asking himself over and over again, why does he love the sight of you in his clothes so much.

You hugged yourself tightly, still trembling significanty, but now at least rid of the wet clothes, and smiled up at him, with warmth only you could muster at such a moment. "This is much better, thank you. Sorry for such complications."

"Nonsense," he huffed almost annoyed, like your health would ever be a complication. To him. Ridiculous. "Come, I think fire and a nice cup of tea will warm you up." Placing a hand on the small of your back, he led you back downstairs, where the big fireplace was. The close proximity the gesture put you in flustered you both, but Mycroft didn't want to let go. And neither did you.

You turned to him, looking up into his face, smiling mischieviously when he caught your eyes. "Don't you have anything stronger?"

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards, strongly liking your idea. "Your wish is my command."

Downstairs, he found the thickest blanket he had, tightly wrapping it around your shoulders, and you snuggled into its comfort immediately, watching him struggle to start a fire.

"I suppose you aren't the one for camping," you mused with a small smile, giggling shortly at his grimace.

"My, how could you possibly deduce that?" A tiny flame sparked inside, dacing across the thick logs of wood before disappearing under them, and growing rapidly. Mycroft stood up from the ground, dusting off the dirt and ashes from his hands and clothes, and looked rather proudly at his work.

"I guess I was wrong. You are full of surprises, Mr. Holmes." A warm light from the fireplace illuminated your features, the growing flames sparkling in your eyes, and Mycroft stayed just to watch. He didn't believe in perfection, that concept was unachievable and he never believed in such terms, but as he watched you in this moment, hair frizzy as they were drying from the water, the messy strands falling into your face, and just then as he watched the orange light color your skin with small smile on your lips , he though you were the only one that came close.

"Well," he inhaled sharply, pulling himself from the love-sick trance, and smiled back at you, the expression coming off more forced than it really was. "I shall go and fetch us something to drink."

Later he came back with two short glasses and bottle of a still unopened liquor bottle, sealed with silver paper and a stamp of the highest quality, almost unnoticable smile playing on his lips as he made his way back to you, where you set cross-legged on the little carpet right in front of the fire. He copied your position, awkardly folding his legs, your knees almost touching, and placed the two glasses into the space between you.

"I'm just," he started unsurely, pouring each of you a glass with impressive precision in the amount, and looked at you again, almost shyly. "I'm very glad we got to spend our evening together after all."

"I'm very glad as well Mycroft," you answered, a fond look in your eyes as you looked at the man in front of you and raised your glass in a silent gesture. He repeated the motion, nodding his head courtly your direction, and took a small sip, watching you in astonishment as you drank it all at once. "Getting warmer already," you laughed, watching the smile on his face widen at your comment and poured you another glass.

You set together for what felt like hours, and maybe it was, in comfortable silence by the melody of the cracking fire beside you, the bottle almost fully drank and the personal space between you long gone. Your feet were tangled together in the middle, knees pressed against each other, both supporting your heads on your hands as you talked, with blissful smiles and faces almost too close.

Mycroft adjusted his posture, resting his chin on his connected hands supported on his thighs as he watched you attentively, noticing and drinking in every detail of your face, your voice your tipsy mannerisms. He could never tear his gaze off you, you were captivating, like a mysterious painting hanging in the gallery, attracting everyone to look, to try to figure it out, and know everything about it. But he knew everything about you, and still he wanted to learn even more. Secrets you never told him, things he simply couldn't just see. Every morning he wanted to see your face, to give him the strenght to go through it, and ever evening he wanted to come back to it, because you felt like home. And Mycroft hated himself for being so melodramatic. This wasn't him, all these thoughts, all these emotions, they were stronger than his healthy judgement, which was already clouded by alcohol.

"Wasn't your partner worried, just going outside in such a storm?" You huffed out a breath, both amusement and annoyance mixing in that display of emotion, and Mycroft quite couldn't place, what it meant.

"We broke up several days ago."

"I am very sorry to hear that," he said genuinely, even though inside he felt selfish joy that he won't have to hear about yet another perfect match for you, another reminder of everything he wasn't. And could never be. Nothing you wanted nor needed.

"Don't be, nobody I met yet was really for me," you mumbled, dropping your eyes into the empty glass in your hands, brows furrowed in deep thought.

"Why is that?" He took the last sip from his glass and carefully set it on the coffee table by his side, his full attention at you again.

"When you meet so many people, good-looking, charming and kind people, but none of them fits you, none of them is right because you set impossible standard, almost unachievable by most people." You set aside your own glass, shifting even closer to him, hearing how he took in a sharp breath, hesitantly straightening his back.

"That must happen when one deserves perfection," he answered looking longinly into your eyes, unable to look away. You were truly hypnotising, the only thing he could look at hours without a break and never get tired. The only person he grew to love so deeply. Truly one of a kind.

"Oh, not perfection, heavens no," you laghed, throwing your head back a little at that, and he still couldn't look away. Why was it so amusing, someone as perfect, as flawless, deserved nothing less than the same. "The thing being, that it's too far from perfection, and in a world where people desire nothing more than to eliminate their flaws, something perfectly imperfect is unachievable."

You leaned closer to him, licking your lips, already pink and sweet again, without realizing, and he almost lost his control. Swallowing heavily, he forced himself to look back into your eyes, trying to forget about the questions appearing in his mind. How would your lips possibly taste? How would it feel having you so close? Heating you up with his own body, blanket too long forgotten?

He couldn't think that way. He had to collect himself, but he didn't know how. Subconciously, he leaned in as well, the gap between your faces just inches apart, your breaths almost shared in one, and it felt like he was dreaming. If that was the truth, he never wanted to wake up.

"They all lacked just one thing though," you whispered, placing your hand on his leg for support, making Mycroft to freeze completely, too disturbed by the contact and the overwhelming heat it sent through his body to think about anything else.

"That being?" he forced himself to say, his throat tight and voice quiet, almost as if he had lost his breath.

"They just weren't...you." A simple statement, a plain sentence bearing more meaning than most conversations he had been part of. His gaze abruptly shot back up, cathing he own almost instantly, but no words made their way out. He couldn't talk nor move, shock too obvious on his features, that even a child would know.

His hands moved on his own, the other times brilliant brain, his biggest pride during his whole life now shut off by a few simple words, his body moving without a single though. Your cheek was warm already, burning hot under his skin as he gently caressed it, moving out a fallen strand from your face, tracing your cheekbone with his thumb like you were the most fragile thing in the world.

"May I kiss you?" you breathed out, your eyes looking up at him, sparkling with emotion he thought he would never see in them, and he nodded, fulfilling himself the one wish that seemed too impossible for a realistic man to hold.

Your lips met in the middle, slow and hesitant as you both silently prayed you wouldn't wake u in the middle of the nigh and find out it was yet another dream.

He sighed deeply into the kiss as you moved to sit in his lap and deepened the kiss, pressing your lips against his more roughly, more needily, hands carefully placed on his neck and your whole body so deliciously pressed against his. So hot and soft, an opposite picture to your arrival, sinding the most pleasant shivers through his whole body with every slight movement in his arms. Mycroft's arms ended up wrapped around your waist, tightly cluthing your body to his like he was afraid you would leave. He couldn't let go. He never wanted to let go.

After a short while, seconds, maybe minutes, he didn't know, the best moments of his life, you pulled away, only slightly to cath your breath, and rested your own forehead against his. He could smell the rain in your hair and your unique scent all around him, and he wanted to remember it all. Every single detail, to replay it, to dream it. To live it.

"I love you," he said quietly, too long of a silence from his last words, and finally gather up the courage to open his eyes and look at you again. At your glowing eyes and wide smile, at your messy hair and body tangled in his blanket, in his own gaze, you were the perfect everyone seeked.

"I love you too Mycroft."

And he never wanted to hear a sentence repeated so much as in that moment. Fortunately, you would never get tired of saying it.

#mycroft holmes #mycroft holmes x reader #sherlock #sherlock bbc

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arvinsescape · 3 years

Note

Can you write a one shot (as long as you want, just not a blurb, thz) where there is a big family dinner, both Hollands and Osterfields, plus friends, so like Tuwaine is also there, Haz' gf is there, and Charlotte has inviteret her best friend, you, (just age Charlotte up, cuz she is only 19, so like 23). And Tom falls so bad for her, but she is his best friends little sisters best friend (hope it isn't too confusing), so it's kinda complicated. You can choose the rest <3 love u

A/N: Thank you for sending it in! I hope this is what you were looking for! I have aged up Charlotte and reader, they are both 23, hope that's okay. I kept with the concept 💕

Warnings: Language and implied sex.

Tom had met you a couple of times and he couldn't help the way you made his heart race, he really wished it wouldn't. When he says he's met you though, he's never properly spoken to you, you're so quiet. Not that he thought that was a bad thing he just didn't know how to speak to you.

He'd realised that if he ever did want to get to know you better he was going to have to initiate the conversation. So here he was sat next to Tuwaine, as they chatted with the rest of his family and waited for everyone else to show up.

"Hey!" Harrison waved, followed by Grace and Charlotte, who were all waving. You behind them all as you shyly waved your hand in everyone's direction. Tom thought it was absolutely fucking adorable. He tried to shake the thought from his head. You were his best friend's sister's best friend (as confusing as that sounded).

Although he knew it was technically fine, you were the same age as Charlotte, 23, something about pursuing you felt wrong. What if it didn't work out? Things would be awkward, right? But then if it did work out, who would care? Tom cursed the part of his brain that was pushing him to be selfish. You could have a boyfriend for all he knew.

Everyone took their seats and you quietly sat next to Tom and Charlotte. Tom's heart was racing again as it always did in your presence.

"Hey." Tom said and you offered a small smile in response, almost as though you didn't trust your voice. Tom realised that for someone like you, sitting next to someone who was famous might be nerve racking.

"He doesn't bite." He heard Charlotte whisper to you and you swallowed thickly before turning your attention to him.

"Hi." You said and although it was quiet, he heard it loud and clear and your voice sounded beautiful to him.

"I don't think we've ever actually had a proper conversation. Tom." He spoke confidently despite the hammering in his chest, he wondered how no one else could hear it.

"Y/N." You said as you smiled at him. He realised he just needed to get you to relax in order to have a conversation with you.

You made small talk for a while as you slowly came out of your shell, not too much but enough to carry a conversation and Tom felt himself growing more of a need to get to know you.

"So what is it you do?" Tom asked.

"I'm a nurse." You spoke confidently and the answer honestly shocked Tom, he was not expecting that.

"Wow," he couldn't help himself saying. "So how did you meet Charlotte?" He continued the conversation.

"We're neighbours. A few conversations here and there and now we're best friends." You smiled, Tom found himself wanting to ask you every question under the sun, he wanted to get to know everything about you.

The dinner had gone really well but thoughts of you would not leave Tom for the life of him. He wanted you to open up completely to him, he didn't want you to feel shy in any respect when it came to him.

"Something on your mind?" Haz laughed as he waved a hand in front of your face.

"More like someone." Tuwaine laughed as Tom shot him a glare, Tuwaine raising his hands in defence.

"Who? Do tell." Harrison asked.

"No one, Tuwaine's just being a dick." Tom said as he laughed.

"Oi." Tuwaine shouted as he reached across to punch his best friend in the arm. "Less of that." He added and Tom laughed.

Harrison left the room at some point and Tom glared at Tuwaine.

"What?"

"Don't do that!" Tom groaned. "He'd kick my fucking arse." Tom added and Tuwaine looked at him in confusion.

"Why would he do that?"

"Because, she's his sister's best friend." Tom grumbled.

"And?" Tuwaine couldn't see the problem, he doesn't understand why Tom hasn't just asked you out.

"What if it didn't work out? What if things got awkward between us all." Tom said as he ran his hands over his face before pulling on his hair.

"Do you like her?" Tuwaine asked.

"I don't really know her that well." Tom sighed, hoping to get Tuwaine off his back.

"When we were at that dinner it was no one else was there. You hardly spoke to anyone else once she'd shown up. I think you do." He teased.

"T," Tom sighed, "I can't okay? Can we just leave it at that?" Tom grumbled and Tuwaine shrugged his shoulders before carrying on what he was doing.

Tom felt guilty at times he really did but being in your bed, stroking your face as you slept made it all seem worth it. At some point something changed, you ended up spending time together away from everyone else, you opening up to him completely.

"Let me walk you home." Tom said as he spoke to you on your break at work.

"Tom, I'm fine. I live like five minutes away from my house. It seems ridiculous for you to walk here when you'd literally have to walk past my house." You laughed on the other end of the line and his chest filled with warmth, he was happy you'd finally opened up.

"I just wanna make sure you get home safe. I'll drive instead of walk." He offered.

"What would Charlotte think if she saw your car dropping me off?" You teased and Tom felt guilt fill his chest before he pushed it away.

"I'll walk." Tom settled on.

"Such a gentleman."

"Just wanna make sure you're safe." He reiterated. He did but he also wanted to spend time with you.

"I don't get it! You disappear, practically become untraceable for weeks and you show up on my doorstep at half three in the morning." You shouted at him, he'd tried so hard to stay away from you but he couldn't, you were on his mind too much.

"I just wanted to see you. I thought we were friends?" Tom fired back, he was frustrated, not with you but with himself.

"Friends don't just appear on your doorstep at half three in the morning after ignoring you." You snapped back at him, he'd never seen you angry and he wondered if he'd hurt your feelings by staying away.

"That's my problem! I don't want to be your friend!" Tom practically screamed at you. He watched as your face fell and tears welled in your eyes.

"Then why'd you show up? You could've just stayed away. Are you here because you think we're obligated to be friends, because of Haz and Charlotte?" You asked, voice dripping with hurt, tone soft.

"That's not what I'm trying to say." He said as he pulled on his hair.

"Then what the fuck are you trying to say?" You yelled back, hurt tears falling from your beautiful eyes and Tom couldn't stop the next words leaving his lips as he looked at you so vulnerable.

"I'm trying to tell you that I am in love with you!" He shouted at you and you froze, looking at him.

"What?" You asked voice small. He wasn't sure whether or not it's what you wanted too hear.

"I'm in love with you." He didn't try and hide the fact that he'd said it, the whole street had probably heard by now. He was thankful Charlotte was away on holiday. "I'm in love with you and I know it complicates things, complicates everything but I can't help it." He admitted. "I've tried, fuck I've tried to get over it, that's why I stayed away but it just made me miss you more."

He was standing closer to you now, you were yet to make a sound and he feared you'd reject him. He thought you were going to when he saw your face twist in anger.

"How dare you Tom Holland." You said as you pushed his chest. "How dare you make me fall for you and then disappear off the face of the earth like I meant nothing to you."

"Y/N..."

"No Tom, it's not fair! I've been sat here for weeks wondering what I did to upset you. Turns out you stayed away because you feel the same way I do. That is fucking bullshit Tom!" You screamed at him and he swears your neighbours were going to be pissed at you now for waking them up so late.

"I know, I'm sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you." He admitted and he watched your anger wash away as a look of pure hurt took over your features.

"But you still did." You said quietly and Tom took your hands in his, your eyes snapping to his and there was so much emotion between the two of you that he stopped thinking about anyone else. His only thoughts were on you and the fact that you loved him back, his lips met yours in a needy kiss as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you to him, your hands fisting his shirt as you tried to pull him closer to you.

It was desperate, weeks of built up tension being given in one kiss. His hand found your hair as yours continued to fist his shirt. His heart was pounding in his chest, he wanted this, wanted you and that was all he could think about. You both pulled back when you needed air.

"Don't ever do that to me again." You spoke as you rested your head on his chest.

"After that baby, I'm never letting you go again."

That was six months ago. Six months of sneaking around and pretending you weren't in love with one another. Tom was finding it increasingly difficult, he wanted to show you off to the world, he was so in love with you yet he couldn't hold your hand in public or even in the private settings that involved his friends and it was eating away at him.

"Can't sleep?" You pulled him from his thoughts as your eyes flickered open, Tom looked at the clock, it was two thirty in the morning.

"Just had a lot on my mind." He said as he moved stray strands of hair from your face.

"Wanna talk about it?" You asked, concern lacing your tone. He shook his head as he gave you a kiss on the forehead.

"Go back to sleep." He spoke as he littered your face with sweet and ghostlike kisses.

"Hard to do when some creepy stalker is staring at you." You teased and he laughed.

"Maybe if someone," he bumped his nose with his own, "didn't look so pretty all the time, I wouldn't stare." He said.

"Stalker." You laughed teasingly as you turned onto your side. Tom wrapping his arms around you as he kissed your shoulder, eventually finding comfort in your soft snores as he let sleep pull him under.

"Right, what the fuck is going on?" Charlotte suddenly said and Tom snapped his gaze to the woman, confusion on his features.

"What?" He asked as she eyed you both carefully.

"The looks. You look at her like she's the only person here." Charlotte said and you bit your lip as you looked at your lap.

"Nothing." Tom said.

"Actually, I wanna know what's going on as well. You barely ever sleep here anymore, where are you going?" Haz chimed in and Tom felt his palms grow sweaty.

"And you're more bothered about the times I come and go." Charlotte pointed an accusatory finger at you.

"Wait, wait, wait. Are you two fucking?" Haz asked, amused look on his face.

"Would make sense." Charlotte shrugged. Tom looked at you as you looked back at him. You were pleading with him to handle this, pleading with him to say something.

"Kind of." Tom said carefully, hoping to gauge their reactions. He watched you for your reaction and you looked as frightened as he felt about them finding out.

"What do you mean kind of?" Charlotte laughed.

"He means," he was shocked as he heard your voice as you cleared your throat. "He means that yeah we're sleeping together but not just fucking." You admitted and Tom lifted his eyebrows, he wasn't expecting you to take charge on confirming your relationship.

"You mean?" Charlotte asked as her face lit up.

"Yeah." You said as you moved to sit next to Tom, taking his hand in yours as they both watched your interaction.

"I fucking knew it!" Haz screamed. "You owe me a tenner." He gloated and Charlotte huffed.

"I thought she'd have told me." Charlotte defended herself.

"Wait, you're not mad?" Tom asked.

"Mad? Why would we be mad?" Haz asked confusion written all over his features.

"Because she's your sister's best friend." Tom said as if it was obvious.

"And? If she makes you happy I don't care. Plus, it's not our business. You're both adults." Haz said and Tom laughed.

"I however am pissed. You should have told me and then I wouldn't owe him a tenner." Charlotte teased and Tom felt you relax, he followed as he pulled you into his side and kissed the top of your head as Haz fake gagged.

"Now I wish we hadn't have asked, I'm gonna have to watch you all over each other."

"Haz, shut up. It's cute." Charlotte said as she watched Tom place a loving kiss to your temple before capturing your lips, watching as you both became wrapped up in each other. She couldn't help but feel happy for her best friend as she nudged Harrison slightly and gestured for them to leave the room.

#tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland x you

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nessaxc · 3 years

Text

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Hands Off || Gojo Satoru

You have a boyfriend, and Gojo isn't very happy about that because you're supposed to be his.

Rating: Mature

Words: 2.6k

Tags: Swearing, Pining, Angst, Obsession, Obsessive Behavior, Possessive Behavior, Jealousy, Comfort, Feels

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Gojo’s Pov

I watched them from a distance, and seeing the two of them together hurt like hell. She had told me the truth not long after they started dating, and the second she did I wanted to find that shithead and kill him.

He was making her laugh and smile more than I ever could, and it made me feel sick to my stomach. Whatever that little shit just said to her, I was willing to bet it wasn't even funny, not in the slightest.

Her eyes lit up with every word that he said and somewhere in the distance I could hear a heart fluttering. She was happy. I loved it when she was but because it wasn't with me, I started to loathe seeing her like that.

They were at a diner, on a date. Her boyfriend reached across the table and kissed her. That's when I had to leave. I adjusted my position from behind a wall, being careful so they wouldn't see me. I found myself stalking them more than I should have, but I couldn't help it. It was killing me inside and I still put myself through it every time.

I wanted this to end, my feelings for her. My brain throbbed as I kept it inside. I tried to rid of this unnecessary complication in my life. Though, it would always cower in remembrance and click a torch in the back of my skull, searching for a way out. Buried alive, it stayed in rest until the dirt became too cold, the silence too loud. It’s not as if I believe I can't find someone else, it’s that I no longer want to. She asks and I tell her no. She laughs and shakes her head, telling me that I will find someone one day. I violently disagree, I want to stomp my foot and yell at her for being so fucking stupid, for acting like it's so simple. I want to stop moving, I want her to stop moving. I told her that I can't. I just can't, no matter how much I needed to.

My lips and tongue burn with the sensation of even speaking those affectionate words to a future ‘someone’. I cannot. I will not. I won’t. It would kill me.

My mind keeps replaying the image of her head on my shoulder when I took her home one day. The scent of fruit. I wanted to kiss her head. I wanted to kiss her. She had dozed off then, it was likely she didn't know what she was doing. When her head moved away, my shoulder empty, just like the feeling in my chest. There were times when we were just talking, doing nothing in particular, and I would find myself staring at her lips, her heavily lidded eyelids, and thinking about how fucking perfect she was in every way. I just couldn't look away. I don't think she had the slightest idea of the hold she had on me and at first I thought that was the hardest part, but no, it wasn't.

The hardest part was seeing her talk about the fucker she called her boyfriend and how she wouldn't stop giggling when she mentioned his name or when she dared to ask me advice on what she should wear for him one night because she needed another guy's opinion. That lucky shithead. I couldn't bear to think about it, but it always managed to creep into my brain about what he probably did to her that night. Just the image of it made me want to kill him and only then would I be able to make peace with that thought.

I felt so sick one time that I nearly vomited when I thought about how I wished I was him, just so he could look at me in the same light. It made me want to kill him more. I knew one day that I would have to, that I would give into the urge, because he was so fucking despicable. He bore the same relevance as a piece of chewed-up gum becoming a part of the sidewalk, less even.

I remember the day that she introduced me to him, and I know I should have felt proud of myself for not killing him right then and there but I've never been more disappointed in myself than I was in that moment. I wouldn't do it right in front of her, no, I would do it the second I was alone with him, that way he knew exactly who he was dealing with before he was squirming on the floor, begging me to stop.

I had so much trouble just being her friend, so much that I couldn't do it anymore. One of her favorite subjects to talk about was that fucker and it became so hard to listen to that I nearly shouted at her to shut up. My mind was screaming, screaming with how much I needed it to end but thankfully I kept the voice at bay. I told her as gently as possible, through clenched teeth to stop because I was having a hard day, and that silenced her, making the rest of the day with her awkward and uncomfortable. Her voice was soothing and so sweet, and I could listen to it all day but not when it was about him, no I couldn't stomach it anymore.

We started to drift apart, little by little. We still spent time together, it was just different when we did. I found it difficult to look at her after a while, knowing that she wasn't mine. It wasn't fair. She thought she was happy with that shithead she called her boyfriend, but I knew that if she gave me a chance, I would treat her like a queen, make her feel like the luckiest girl alive. I wanted that chance. I needed it. It had to come someday.

Then one day, my wish came true. After months and months, my anguish finally ceased. She called me up one night sobbing, she was an utter mess, I could hardly understand her at first. She told me that she broke up with that shithead because she caught him cheating on her. I couldn't have been happier, the piece of shit did something right for once. In all his life, I bet that was the only notable thing he ever did. Everything was going to fall into place, I'd comfort her for as long as I needed, wipe those pathetic tears off her face and make her laugh, and in no time at all, she'd realize who she was supposed to be with.

I told her that I'd come over to her place so she could tell me everything and I already knew that I had to play the sympathetic friend. When she opened the door to me, her eyes were red and puffy, looking at me with tear-stained cheeks and I nearly said out loud, "Fuck it, that asshole is a goner," but I didn't. I had to wait out. I knew exactly what was going to happen when she fell asleep, there was no way I was going to let that shithead get away with this. I had never seen her so broken before, she was choking on her misery and almost all of her eye make up was trickling down her pretty face.

It was bittersweet. I loved that this asshole broke her heart so that I didn't have to worry about him in my way anymore, but at the same time, seeing her like this, made me want to kill him even more, times a million. There was no way in hell I wouldn't make him suffer for this. She sat back on her bed, her hands burying her face as she wept.

"I should have saw the signs, he would always come home really late and make these shitty excuses," she sniffed loudly as she lowered her hands away from her face, "I... I don't know what I saw in him, I feel like the stupidest person in the world."

"Hey hey, you're not stupid," I told her as I caressed the soft skin on her back through her blouse with my hand, "okay maybe a little for falling for that piece of shit," I said with a light chuckle, and it was enough to make her giggle somewhat, so that was enough. "But there's a lot dumber people than you, like that shithead for hurting you," I gazed into her swollen eyes and she looked back, her sniffing became somewhat quieter. Her eyes nearly smiled but then she quickly turned away, the look on her face disappearing as quickly as it came.

"I feel like I should be mad at him for hurting me, but I'm more anger with myself, for believing everything he said," she uttered hoarsely, trying to let herself breathe before she continued, "and we got in this huge fight, like there was so much yelling and he said that I was only bad for him, that I was holding him back."

That asshole was getting a slow and painful death, everything she told me solidified that. I was so furious, it was becoming almost impossible to control, but I didn't dare let it show. I continued to massage her back, following wherever her eyes went, to find that glimpse of hope.

"He didn't deserve you, I knew it from the second you told me about him," I said, "what he does deserve is to die, for hurting you this much," I blurted out, my mouth was moving before my brain could catch up with what I was saying.

She looked at me like I was crazy but then she quickly said, "Hey, don't say things like that," she sniffed again, "I don't ever want to see him again, but I don't wish death upon him."

Oh but I do. That was a stupid thing to say, stupid stupid stupid. I mentally cursed myself for it but then I continued, "I was only kidding," I lied, chuckling to act like it was just a joke, "I only said that because he's a fucking idiot," I added, "and I would never hurt you like that," I told her, my eyes never leaving hers, not even for a second.

"Satoru..." she whispered my name and stared back at me, her lips parted, and we were close enough that I could feel her breath on my face. In that moment, I think she realized it, and there was no going back. I couldn't go another day without her knowing.

"Not ever," I repeated, "You deserve to be treated like a queen, and I would do exactly that," the words slipped out before I even thought about it further. I averted my gaze from hers for a second, only because I didn't even know how she was going to take it, "I wanted to tell you for a while, but the timing was never right, and then he came around," I nearly hissed just from the mere mention of him out loud.

"All this time?" she asked quietly, so low that I almost didn't catch it.

"Yeah," I replied, "all this time."

She turned away so I couldn't see the expression on her face, and the wait was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. Fuck.

"You don't have to say anything, just know that," I tried to reassure her, and she still wasn't looking at me.

She turned to look at me with a weak smile on her face, and it was enough to calm the voice in my head that was shouting at me.

"Satoru, I... God, I like you, too," she finally said. "I've liked you for a really long time, I just--"

That was all I needed to hear. I reached in and cut her off with a short, soft kiss. Then we pulled away, lips still brushing together, before it shifted into something much slower. She sighed against it, and I felt my heart going a million miles an hour. I licked lightly across the seam of your lips, and she parted them willingly. My tongue bumped against hers, and when she pulled me close to taste me, a moan scraped my throat.

"Satoru," she gasped, and pulled away. "Wait, I don't want to mess this up, too."

I took her hand in mine and kissed the top of it before she could say anymore, "You won't," I reassured her, "I know we shouldn't rush into anything, I just wanted you to know because I couldn't hide it anymore."

She smiled at that, and started rubbing slow circles over my chest, leaning in to press her mouth against mine again. We kissed until we had to part for air, and the voice that was shouting at me, berating me, was now as proud as ever. I didn't regret a thing, everything fell in place just like it was supposed to. She was mine, and that was all I could ever ask for. Her lips were so soft and addictive, I could kiss them all day and never grow tired of it.

She started laughing all of a sudden, covering her mouth to stifle it, and I couldn't be happier that she was laughing because of me. It was easily my favorite sound.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"Nothing's funny, I'm just embarrassed because this was well, our first kiss, when I look this awful, my makeup is all smudged and runny and I just look terrible," she croaked out in that sweet voice of hers, giggling and her cheeks lit up with a soft hue of pink.

"No, you look perfect," I corrected her, "as pretty as always."

I cupped her cheek in my hand and I pulled her into another lingering kiss, we were both chuckling during it, and it was the most perfect thing being able to swallow her laughter. Finally, she was mine, it made all that waiting and seeing her with that shithead worth it. At first I thought I was dreaming, but for once it wasn't a dream, no it was very real, realer than anything I've ever felt.

Shortly after our make out session, we decided to watch a movie. She begged me to let her pick, because she knew I would pick some kind of horror movie and she told me that she cried enough today. So she ended up picking some dramedy that I found myself not paying attention to at all, because all I could think about was her and the taste of her lips. I replayed the scene of her saying she liked me too in my head a thousand times, and I don't think I would ever stop.

She ended up falling asleep half-way through the movie snuggled up in a blanket. She looked so cute and peaceful when she slept, her chest heaving and her eyes closed in such a way that made her lashes look even more beautiful. I found myself watching her like that longer than I should have.

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