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loserholland · 2 years
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𝐀 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐃𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 | 𝐀.𝐓
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𝐈. 𝐒𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐞
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Pairing ➺  Aemond Targaryen x Fem!Targ/Vela/Strong!Reader
Warning ➺ Knvies! Name calling (Bastard, cripple), angst
Word Count ➺ 1.7K
Summary ➺ Her mother was known to be “The Realms Delight”. Soon Rhaeneyra’s daughter would earn that title as well, leaving many suitors waiting in line an a particular uncle waiting as well. 
A/N ➺ (The reader is born before Jace) I need to get this out of my system, I’ve been thinking about it for the past few days. Also because I personally think I can change Aemond & I love him sm (even though he’s a kinslayer). Let’s just forget that for a moment. I’ll most likely write a part two, we shall see
✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ - @loveyathreethousand @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine @spideyyypeter @lou-la-lou@babebenhardy @rivervixenbaby @acklesholland @zabdisamor @keepingupwiththehollands @sweet666pea @sspider-parker @jackiehollanderr @caro0512 @thewinchesterchronicles @cporter003 @kisses-holland @spideysnugget @cryszus @sunflowerharrystyles @peterunderoos @ohbabycal @laucontrerasv @spider-mendes @jessybellsworld @quaksonhehe​ @dummiesshort​
☞  Masterlist  ☜
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Rhaenyra and Laenor were blessed with a beautiful babe, a girl. The midwife had told her “She’ll be a beauty like you, your grace.” brushing past the fact that the princess had called her a cunt not too long ago. Her first born child, one of her most difficult labors to say the least, the second the queen got wind of the birth of (Y/N), she requested to see the babe. Rhaenyra thought nothing of the sort at first until it happened to Jacaerys, Lucerys.
Quite a cunt move if you ask me. 
As (Y/N) grew older, her mother noticed a difference between her sons and daughter. Her hair was quite unique, brown with streaks of platinum white. Many hadn’t speculated her relation to her father Ser Laenor. Many had said it’s due to her Baratheon blood from her grandmother’s side of the family, at least that’s what her grandsire had said. 
But, we all know the truth. That beautiful brown and strong personality comes from her father. As she grew older she began to catch the eyes of many, not only did she inherit her mother’s beauty- she also had the Targaryen’s signature violet eyes. I guess that was another reason why no one questioned who her father may be. 
At her 6th name day celebration, Viserys had invited many of the noble houses wanting to introduce his granddaughter to many of the young lords that may take her hand in marriage some day. The hall was filled with light laughter and chatter, many houses came up to the main table to greet the Targaryens. (Y/N) sat between her grandsire and her favorite uncle, Aemond. Though at the time she never addressed him as uncle, they were only about four years apart. 
A few months later however, her Lucerys would take Aemond’s eye in an accident. Such tragedy had happened in the past few months; from losing her Aunt Laena, to the death of Sir Harwin along with his father, to her father Ser Laenor. Her mother had taken refuge on Dragonstone while you had decided to continue your studies at the keep.
After Aemond had lost an eye it caused a rift between the two of you. Especially after he so openly called you and your brothers bastards. 
Most of the time he stayed hidden in his chambers, in the library, or in the courtyard training. When she would walk into any room it would cause Aemond to stop what he was doing and leave. During dinner he’d eat quickly to ask to be excused, Alicent hated that he would want to be kept away, she grew to dislike her step-grandchild but would not say anything.
The older she got, her beauty grew with her. Many lords would whisper of her beauty causing many ladies to envy her. They’d watch as she soared the sky with her dragon Tessarion an exact image of her mother when she was her age.  They were especially taken by her beautiful hair, no maiden in all of Westeros had two different colors of hair.
Her uncle took notice of how many lords would fawn over her and ask for her hand to dance. Snickering to himself when she would politely decline them, watching as they would sulk their way back to their seat. He knew of her early morning adventures, training in the courtyard at the crack of dawn before going on a flight blue dragon. He’d admire her from afar, a small grudge still held against her and her family.
She too noticed how much he had grown, no longer the scared little boy whom he brothers and Ageon would play tricks on, no longer the young boy who would sulk when it came to training with Ser Criston, no longer the boy she had fond memories with. 
He became a man.
A beautiful handsome young man, towering over many who stood before him. Her included. His hair was long, almost as long as hers, easy to spot in a crowded room. His stature and demeanor, strong and cold. He trained for days in and days out, studying for hours.  
The many chances she would try to talk to him, he’d keep it short, only humming or grunting in response. She would be lying if she said it didn’t hurt her, she tried to make amends, apologize for her brother’s actions. 
(Y/N) bored of taking part in her 18th name day celebration she slipped out of the great hall making her way to one of her favorite places in the castle. Walking into the library to grab a new book to read, usually it would be about her family history. The tales of her great-great-great-great grandparents never failed to amaze her.
Turning the corner a bit too quickly, not minding her surroundings, she ran into someone falling back slightly shutting your eyes tightly to avoid the embarrassment. The arm of the stranger wrapped around her waist, she sucked in a breath before slowly re-opening her eyes.
Aemond
Quickly she stood up straight “I’m sorry.” Oh gods fuck me, fuck me! Something you never had was your mother’s gracefulness. Also a bit clumsy, stumbling over your own foot. The way he looked down at you said many without him saying a word himself, gods you hated how your relationship had become.
“A thank you would suffice, excuse me.” before you could even thank him, he brushes past you. Your heart swells lightly, unsure of what to say. Unsure of what to do, unsure if you’ll regret this action later.
Fuck it.
Reaching forward you wrapped your hand around his wrist “Wait!” he pauses for a moment not tugging his wrist away. Just get it out, what’s the worst that can happen? It’s been so long since you’ve had a proper conversation with him.
“It mustn't be this way Ameond. Please, we were so close once.I miss talking to you, don’t you rem-“
He turned around in a flash, his wrist pulled away, his eye filled with fire “Mustn't be this way? Have you forgotten of what your bastard brother did to me?”
Anger coarsed your veins, you knew what the people of Westeros say. What they spin about your family specifically your mother and siblings. But it never bothered you because even if Ser Laenor wasn’t your father he still loved you all as though you were his own. It never mattered to you yet, it was such a sin to many.
“Don’t you dare call him a bas-“
He saw the moment to ignite that fire in you, he knew what he would say will hurt but he wants you to feel the pain he’s felt in the last few years. He’d be lying if he said he never watched you from afar, that he doesn’t miss your adventures together.
“It’s what you are though isn’t it? You just inherited your whore of a mother’s looks”
A loud smack echoed the room, if his mother found out about this she’d have your hands for this. But you didn’t care, no one slanders your family name. You’d have any man or ladies tongue cut for even speaking such slander, you knew your grandsire would too.
“How dare-“
“No, how dare you! Coming in here and telling me it mustn't be this way. Have you already forgotten what happened not too long ago? Don’t you hear what people whisper about me?!”
Many of the lords and ladies would point and whisper at Aemond with no self-respect whatsoever, gossiping about how he had one eye and wondered what took place of his eye underneath that brown leather patch. 
It twisted at her heart slightly, guilt sat at the bottom of her stomach. She would attempt to defend not only her brother’s action towards her uncle but she would try to defend him as well, telling many that she’d have their tongue if they spoke about the prince again.
“The one eyed prince who no one will bed. Of what his poor wife must endure, what lady would marry a cripple? Must I remind you, dear niece?”
Harshly he removed his eye patch, your breath catching in your throat. A beautiful sapphire in place of his eye, you wanted to touch it yet felt so frozen. You wanted to raise your hand to trace the scar that was left, he looked beautiful no, he looked like a god. 
 Aemond hummed at your lack of response, “I could make it even. No- I should make it even. Take your beauty away-” Your eyes widened at the words that just left his mouth, frozen yet again just as you were frozen that night at Driftmark. Frozen as you watched blood drip onto the dirt as Aemond’s screams echoed in the cave. 
“What is it that the people call you? Besides bastard? What is it that they call you as you parade around the keep?”
The New Delight.
Just as her mother was named “The Realm's Delight.” Many had said how she had taken after her mother, always making people smile and fawn over. She never asked for the attention, truly. She was just taught to be respectful and kind to everyone, though some ladies would say she was being a whore.
“Ah yes-” he retrieved his dagger from his side, bringing it between the two of you watching as your push yourself back till your back made contact with the bookshelf. Your heart hammered in your chest, beating loudly in your ears. He wouldn’t, would he? He had all these years, he wouldn’t dare.
 “The New Delight was it? Hm- would be quite a shame if i just-“
You shut your eyes tightly the feeling of a sharp dagger dragged against your side. Tracing your skin, not deep enough to draw blood, but enough to let you know how you’re at his mercy, defenseless. His mother had asked that night for your brother’s eye but your grandsire quickly defended your mother and family, asking his wife to drop the matter. 
Forever leaving a bitter taste in his wife’s mouth.
“Go on. Take it, make it a gift to your mother.” you exhaled clutching onto your dress. The queen would be pleased and would final drop the grudge against your family. 
Especially pleased that it was your eye that was taken.
Aemond was taken aback, he expected her to weep and beg. He expected for her to push him away and run. Silently retreating the library and you, “Go on- Take-”
She opened her eyes to see no one standing in front of her, she felt her eyes swell with tears letting out a silent sob as slid down the bookcase. Little did she know Aemond stood outside the door listening to her sob. 
He felt his heart swell in sadness? Guilt? Before he could let it consume him, he walked away to his chambers.
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jkjms · 3 years
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Hello. I hope you're doing great. I'm pretty new to the fandom, so jikook have honestly been consuming most of my time, tbh. So, I wanted to know your thoughts on Jk calling Jimin "Dangshin" and baby (in Korean, i don't remember how is it spelled) multiple times. For some reason, non shippers have decided to turn a blind eye at this, despite it being pretty serious according to Korean culture. Greetings from Colombia 😘
Hey! Thank you and Greetings from Canada! I’m doing well. Hopefully you are as well.
Welcome to the fandom, is Butter your first comeback or are you just new to Jikook? I’m sure with such an abundance and never ending flow of content it can be quite overwhelming, just take it slow. Now onto my opinion on terms of endearment.
*note that underlines are links
Here is a very good breakdown from sappoto on curiouscat on the topic of pet names. (password is 4 digits, kookmin’s number)
Here is another good breakdown from dalloga on tumblr
My thoughts basically aligned with what they said. Now for my personal thoughts below and examples of the uses. ↓
당신 Dangshin
Means ‘you’ and is not something rooted strictly to be romantic. It’s very ambiguous in meaning, as it can be used in a variety of different ways not just for a spouse; but in formal settings, or it can also even be used to insult. It’s a highly contextual word; just as Korean is a highly contextual language, therefore the meaning can differ.
In Namjoon's 171007 Vlive Namjoon calls Jimin dangshin 'are you (dangshin) an angel without wings?' because Jimin brought him a coffee @36:45
In 200903 Billboard Interview Jungkook calls Taehyung dangshin. Jungkook talks about his birthday/Dynamite #1 party with the members. Taehyung is messing with Jungkook and asks 'who bought the champagne?' Jungkook replies 'you (dangshin) did'
Dangshin has been used multiple times with JiKook, but I’ll just use two 2 examples:
1. Comeback Vlive: 방탄늬우스 : Behind The anSwer @53:25 'I drew your (dangshin) big sleeve'
2. 2019 Summer Package in Korea DVD @26:25 'Jimin ssi, you (dangshin) lower your voice'
애기야 Aegiya
The time Jungkook has called Jimin baby or 애기야 (aegiya) was in Bon Voyage S2 ep.2 Behind @9:10. It is a reference to a very famous line originating from an old Korean TV show from 2004 called Lovers In Paris, episode 4.
가자 애기야
가자 (gaja) (let’s go) 애기야 (aegiya) (baby)
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However, despite him using it as a reference I still get a flirty vibe coming from Jungkook.
In Memories of 2015; disc 3: The RBT: First Half Jimin told Jungkook 'okay baby, 30 pushups' @12:20
Another thing to factor in is that sometimes BTS uses terms of endearment/pet names with each other, it’s not something that’s extremely out of the ordinary.
In Run BTS! 121 Taehyung called Jhope baby 자기야 (jagiya) 'Jagiya, it’s not over yet.' @14:40
In Bon Voyage S3 ep.1 Jungkook tells Jhope 'yes baby' when Jhope tells him to change lanes. @20:30
In Bon Voyage S3 ep.6 Jimin called Taehyung 'my baby' when he ran to comfort him. @11:00
This doesn’t negate when Jungkook and Jimin uses pet names. I do however, think it’s important to understand the dynamics within the group and not just Jikook. By doing that, you see what is imo distinctive and that is their hyung-dongsaeng relationship or rather the blurring of lines, not so much the use of pet names, but that doesn’t make it unimportant.
here again is a short breakdown by sappoto
I have a tag dedicated towards this -> who’s hyung?
Narrowed down further:
This clip from Run BTS! 53 Behind here
An explanation from satellite-jeon on tumblr here
Another one:
From Magic Shop DVD (jpn edition)
An explanation from dalloga on tumblr
One term of endearment that I had an ‘huh..okay..’ moment, and from what I’ve read korean speakers too is from the 190425 M2U Fansign Jimin about Jungkook is
반려 Banryeo
Both individuals I already mentioned have touched upon, so I won’t comment on it.
Additionally; I really recommend the tumblr users dalloga and leminione9795 both are k-army and so they both have knowledge on the language and more cultural nuances we as I-army may miss or have the wrong thoughts on.
Back to your ask; overall people turn a blind eye to dangshin and aegiya because they’re not actually definitive or overtly serious and are both terms BTS has used with each other in the past. However, there could be some times where it’s used between Jikook with a deeper meaning, however Korean is a contextual language and I don’t have the knowledge on the Korean language, to make solid yes’s and no’s.
I hope this helped answer your questions! If you have any more feel free to hit me up! 💜
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raspberryparker · 5 years
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I want dirty knotting and bonding smut in chocolate orange!! Is it a weird thing to want??? 👀
uhhhhhhhhhhhhh it’s not weird at all because i also want that and all i’m gonna say is… it’s gonna happen and you will not be disappointed ;)
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jasntodds · 5 years
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"When you love someone, you open up your heart, when you love someone you make room. 'Cause if you love someone and you're not afraid to lose it, you'd probably never loved someone like i do" -Lukas Graham. My fiancé put that song on and i tear up a little remerbering our poor Tommy after y/n left 😭😭 do you imagine him singing it to her? God, this situation is really hurting me 💔
Ugh I love that song and now my heart hurts akjshdaiuehis
Dare You To Move Chapter 16 || Playlist
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softspideys · 5 years
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My crush is my beautiful boyfriend! We just had our 5 year aniversary yesterday! And my birthday is on monday so he worked so hard to save enough money to buy me a dress and heels for my birthday and to at least pay The half for our Date yesterday! We spent The whole Day together, i just Love him so much!!!! Always showing me how much he care about me! I can't wait to have enough money to move in together ❤
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I love that for you guys. he sounds so wonderful :,)
tell me about your crush
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sunrisespidey · 5 years
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Hello sweetie! Can i be in your tag list?? Thank you! I Love your fics ❤
yes! i added you to my everything taglist because nothing was specified but let me know if u want urself on a specific one!
in a heartbeat | ii
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bi-writes · 6 years
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Hola! Agregame al tag list de untitled, bebe 😘 cuidate
por supuesto :)))
untitled—boxer!tom
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akookminsupporter · 3 years
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Hii, rosie!! For the ask about a bts guide there's this one that i find really helpfull! I've been using it to know more about them, hope it helped!!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UWlIoMfIj3REulZewjV1tt_Fjk0bOA-rTkCfznkRahc/edit?usp=drivesdk
Oh thank you anon!
@laucontrerasv maybe this can help you 😊
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deadlyaffairs · 4 years
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After You Left [8]
previous //
Dad!Tom AU
Summary: y/n finds out she’s pregnant, but she and Tom get into an argument about moving to America. 3 years pass and Tom finally comes home where he finds out his parents and ex-girlfriend have been keeping a secret from him.
a/n: This series isn’t discontinued or on hiatus, I just suck at updating. I do apologize but college sucks plus I have really bad coping mechanisms for life and problems. 
Word Count: 1.3k
 Tom felt his throat begin to swell up as panic rose throughout his body, his heart felt like it was beating a hundred miles per second. Ben was patiently awaiting an answer looking right up at him and Tom swore that there must have been a spotlight on him at that moment. 
“I can- Uh Yeah I can hold you.” Tom finally answers, his insides mushing together. He let out a small breath of air as Ben smiled and scooted to the side, making room for Tom. 
A smile made its way across Tom’s features as Ben held an innocent look, his tiny hand patting the empty space gesturing Tom to take it so Ben could easily crawl into Tom.
y/n watched as Tom almost turtle-like made his way onto the hospital bed, it looks as if Tom was trying not to frighten the boy. She knew she should not have felt a pang of jealousy course through her, but skin-to-skin was her favorite thing after Ben was born. However, she pushed aside the feeling since the overall feeling of glee was stronger. 
“I’ll get a nurse in here as soon as possible for the test.” The Doctor cuts in as he makes his getaway. 
y/n catches Tom’s eyes as she turns back to look at the two in the bed. Tom wants to call her over to take Ben’s now vacant spot beside him, but he feels like that could be too much. 
“Mama... Peppa, please?” Ben asks as he made himself comfortable on Tom’s lap. Ben turns to look up at Tom. “You hold me, member?” his head leaning into Tom’s chest
Tom laughs a little, “Sorry bud.” Tom places his arm loosely around Ben, an odd sensation at first. Ben is tiny but skin soft and warm. 
“Yes or no?” Ben asks and y/n sighs. 
“Ok baby, only until the Doctor comes back alright? Then you have to say goodbye to Peppa.” 
Ben pouts but, nods his head ultimately agreeing. A young nurse walked in shortly after and smiled at the three. “Hi, there I’m here to see Benjamin Thomas Holland?” 
Tom glanced at y/n who stared straight ahead, avoiding his gaze. “I think that’s for you bud,” Tom says gently, Ben tucks himself into Tom his eyes glazing over as tears filled his eyes.  “I got you. I promise.” Tom whispers and squeezes Ben to reassure. 
The nurse smiles and leans forward. y/n watches suddenly aware of just how close she has become to Tom and her child. Their child... From where she stands she moves to sit on the bed next to Tom. 
Tom tries to hide the small grin but looks at the nurse. “Where are you going to- um you know.” 
“Just his arm, painless really. May hurt you two more than it does him.” She says trying to ease some of the tension. She rolls Ben’s sleeve up and wipes his skin where she’s going to place the needle to take some blood. “We never need too much from children, and since we’re fairly certain this is just common flu-” she drones on distracting the three of them as she sticks the needle in, retracting blood, removing it all before she finishes. “We don’t want to cause too much distress.” 
Ben winces but does not react other than that. Tom let out a breath of air he had not realized he was holding and y/n nods listening, knowing all too well how these procedures work in order to keep children from throwing tantrums mid-shot. 
“And we’re all done, you’re a real trooper Benjamin. I’ll be sure to let the Doctor know what a great job you did letting us take care of you.” She smiles as she packs everything before walking out. 
y/n grabs Ben’s hand “Was that scary?” 
Ben shakes his head, and y/n smiles pressing a kiss to the top of his head before taking her phone out and letting him grab it. She leans back and looks at Tom. “I’m really sorry about... everything and I’m really happy you decided to come even though you said-” 
Tom shakes his head, “I’m scared, I’m really scared.” y/n nods and looks down. knowing he was deadlocked on what he said. 
“Give him a chance.” 
It’s a plea, gentle and low but loud enough that Tom feels it in his chest. 
Days have gone by and it seemed like everything was back to normal. Ben was beginning to feel better, things at the flower shop were breezing by and y/n was ahead of her assignments. 
It was refreshing, to say the least. It really had only been a couple of days or close to two weeks that the whole Tom coming back and revealing Ben to the people she had kept in the dark for so long. 
“Hey... you doing ok mama?” Serena asked putting the broom away. 
y/n nods but sighs, “I don’t know why I even asked him. Why I even called him, I mean I do, but I hate myself for it.” 
Serena shook her head “But you shouldn’t, look you helped me through my whole relationship with Damien and I’m going to tell you what you told me. You’re going to feel how you’re going to feel about it and you shouldn’t hate yourself for still caring about him. Accepting that you still love him but can’t be with him is going to help you get over him.” 
“I hate when you use my words against me.” 
They share a laugh before Serena sighs and places her hand atop y/n’s, looking her straight in the eyes. “I don’t want to give you false hope... but who says you can’t?” 
“You did just now.” y/n jokes 
Serena tilts her head with a raised brow, “y/n... really. Why are you so hellbent on it. It’s clear that there are unresolved feelings there, not just on your part. He came to the shop and then the hospital? Maybe he’s not ready to be a dad today or tomorrow but that doesn’t mean he won’t ever be.” 
“Rena... the walls I’m building aren’t to protect me...” 
It’s silent for a beat, only a beat before Serena speaks up “You can’t protect Ben from this. He needs a mom and a dad.” 
“Who says I can’t be both?” 
“No one is saying that you’ve done so well by yourself. But he has the chance to have it, don’t you want to give him that?” 
“Of course I do.” 
“Then what’s a little pain.” 
The conversation with Serena really left y/n in a bigger turmoil than before. She knew that there were points made but it didn’t stop her own fear. She glanced back at the living-room where Ben had built a fort and was in his own little world, so innocent to what is going on around him. 
“Bedtime baby.” 
“No mama I’m not tired.” 
“But you need to sleep before school, don’t you want to see your friends?”
“I miss Nan.” 
“We can see her after school tomorrow.” 
Ben is quiet for a bit before he comes out of the fort, he’s holding his box of toys that carry a variety.” 
“You say goodnight to them?” 
“Yesh,” 
He sets the box on the ground before taking off in the direction of his bedroom. Suddenly very eager. y/n giggles and follows after him. When she reaches the doorway he’s pushing the button on his nightlight. “Otay, night mama.” He says as he crawls into bed. He touches his mouth as he makes a kissy face. 
“Goodnight baby.” y/n leans down and kisses his lips, nose, and forehead. She stands and turns the light off, she stays there for a moment as she watches him look up at the ceiling catching the night lights shades of different shapes. 
Once she enters her bedroom, she changes into more comfortable clothing. She bites her bottom lip as she glances at her phone. There are no notifications and she wasn’t expecting any, however, she could feel her pulse spike at the idea she was having. 
She unlocked it and opened messages, her fingers began to type out a message, and before she could really even think about it she pressed send.  
sent 9:43PM 
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TAGLIST 
The names with lines through them aren’t letting me tag you! Also please let me know if you’ve asked to be on the taglist but aren’t! Thanks for reading! And just to let ya know to give me feedback even if it is grammar checks gives me the motivation to do better in future parts!
@smexylemony @meyrapp @ameliawriites @unicorngummybears @paigeyisme @soullesstrashcan @pikapower18 @justadirtymindedgirl @random-fandom-lady @livasaurasrex @thomas-spidey @debnambitch @tomshufflepuff @peitrotheavenger @let-me-luve-you @fairies-and-glitter @kattholland @mystxrieux @stevieboyharrington​ @miss-marvel-lous @petersnmyhead @fesslasuisse @misadventuressamm @spideypxgirl @hollandjmc @misysugarbee @immajustreadwritereblog @distressedjellyfish @chronisberonica @dragonqueendany @falling-stars-never-cry @living-on-rice @lizzclifford13-blog @bellaamarvel87 @deep-dark-and-dangerous @thebadassbitchqueen @tragicluver @karlitabi-rrito @jackiehollanderr @fangirling-way-of-life @laucontrerasv @danicarosaline @parkeret @mybitchborky @bookgirlunicorn @kms-blanton @lostxsea @cporter003 @theresnooneheretosave @sltwins @madon566 @britishspidey @friendlyneighborhood-holland  @green-lxght @oh-mymendes
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madmadmilk · 5 years
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Like  Dark Chocolate Part 7 | Tom Holland x Reader (FINALLY)
IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING, BUT WE’RE BACK IN THE GAME BABEYYY. Thank u for waiting so patiently~ it literally took like 6 months lol pls be kind ((pics not mine))
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READ THE TEASER FIRST | PART 1 | PART 2| PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7 | PART 8 | (Updates next week?)
Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader
Summary: You can’t help but fall into something familiar, something warm, something you deserve. He’s been waiting for you while you’ve been wondering. They say time heals all wounds, but the real question is, how much time does it take to even believe you’ve healed?
Warning: Swearing, sweating, and something like forgiveness
Word Count: 10.8K petals on the floor
Special thank you to some of my lovely BETAs: @fangirl-writer-awesomeness @laucontrerasv @spidey-waffles11 (and honestly anyone who sent asks looking for this. thank you)
-
“Same old Tom.”
Your head tilts as you look into those familiar chocolatey browns. You can see the arrow run straight through his heart. It’s the first time he’s hearing your voice say his name in a month. And it’s one of the few times you’ve let yourself say it out loud.
There’s a familiar taste that coats your mouth.
I don’t want to admit it but––
A shallow breath catches in your throat, a faint smile on your lips. You just can’t hold it back anymore, old feelings threatening to spill over.
I do miss you, Tom.
They were never really forgotten.
Just a little bit.
And well, you could never hide it from yourself.
You fight the smile on you dry lips from widening, you fight the warm flush ferociously crawling up your chest, you fight every urge in your body from jumping up to wrap yourself up and all around him.
You missed him.
And the bare sight of him is enough to drive you mad.
“It’s been a long time.”
“It has been,” you reply curtly, eating up the sight before you. He was dressed in a rush, slouchy, ruffled but smelling like a cosy detergent and sexy shampoo. The giddy smile has never left his lips.
The space between you both is maddening, easy to be made close, easy to pull further apart.
Your fingers twitch by your sides.        
Ha.
He probably can’t even remember the text he sent you–– “Blink 3 times if you miss me,” how the hell would you count how many times a person blinks? We do it all the time? When does the clock run––
But, Tom… Tom gets it. Of course he does.
1, 2, 3. 1, 2, 3.1, 2, 3.
A devilish grin stretches across his boyish face, an overwhelming excitement vibrating through him. He stood taller, shoulders hunched up as he leaned forward. It was a short victory he would hold against you and then it evenly faded into a relieved smile. The corners of his brows pull down as he lets out a soft sigh. You can hear the click of his tongue. His shoulders slump in satisfaction, and cheeks pinken as if his whole body being was saying, “thank god, thank god.”
He finally has your attention, better, at your admission.
His quiet voice confirms,
“So you have been reading the things I’ve sent you,” whispering now, “And listening?”
Haha.
You give him a blank stare, but inadvertently stretch your lips from smile to pucker to smile. You’re trying not to give him anything more than your telling blinks. You’re not going to make yourself anymore vulnerable, any more needy, any more…. generous. This was already too much.
But the silence gives him one more confirmation; tells him that you still think of him, at least enough to let him think you do. And this circular rationale reminds you of just how much of a sweet lil cavity he is.
An aching pain you can’t ignore.
He nods, wiggling his jaw while his eyes dance over your shoulders to your nose and back to your eyes,
“Good to know.”
Oh, hell.
Tom’s confidence comes and goes as he laughs to himself, only to flush in embarrassment. Neither of you can keep your composure. Both of your minds roll over all the little things he’s said in the messages and that’s more than enough to fill the remaining gap between you.
You feel like you know almost everything he’s feeling right now.
Almost, almost.
He clears his throat, scratching his head and bowing down,
“Listen, I–I really didn’t expect to see you at all. For the while. It’s just that Mal messaged me about an emergency, just saying that it was you and––“
“It was me. I sent it,” you clarify, not wanting to smear any more blame on your ill neighbor. Hadn’t she had enough? Questionably.
“I used her phone.”
“Oh,” he laughs emptily. You see his entire face sink in guilt. He scratches his head a little harder, trying to piece it together.
“She practically begged me to get your attention and she––“ he hums to your truth, “She showed it to me. I… I saw the messages she sent to you.”
Tom freezes, and drops his hand. He searches for an answer in your eyes. His blinks are slow, and the deep stare makes you all too aware.
Suddenly, you wonder if that was a breach of his privacy, if his healing should have been done alone. If you had stepped into a part of him you weren’t meant to see.
You step forward, putting your hands up.
“Sorry! Uhm, she… She let me read what she sent you, at the end… end of it all,” an uneasy chuckle falls past your lips, “She left your conversation open… and yeah, I saw a little bit. I think she was apologizing to me with it… or something like that.”
He nods, stare looking past you now, far away. He mutters under his breath,
“I’m still waiting for one too.”
And now you felt the restlessness of guilt; maybe it was a breach of trust. You squeeze your eyes tight for a second, trying to reorganize yourself, trust this and trust that. You’re getting tangled deeper into problems you were trying so hard to move past, smooth past.
The truth is all you have left.
You offer him a way out of the storm, praising softly,
“At the very least, I want to say thank you… for uhm, letting me know you were coming.”
His brows twitch into a furrow before he smiles gently, his cheek pulling.  His hands were itching to reach out, to hold you. And, honestly, if he did… you wouldn’t resist too hard. Maybe.
“Of course,” Tom confirms so lovingly. In that short phrase you can hear the tumbling of his feelings, the way he had to hold back from spilling his heart out and taking all of you in his arms, up and away from this cursed apartment.
But you both hear the echo of your own words, cast like a spell, “give me time.” So he did.
“And…. I’ll be getting out of your hair now.”
Your head tilts as you take him all in. His hair has dried, somewhere between curls and waves, the bags under his eyes are deep but the expression on his face is warm. You notice his pause, wondering if you should ask him to stay.
You can’t.
And he knows that.
Tom cracks into a laugh, rolling his head in a circle. You stand back on your heels, tension dissipating. He rocks back too, and starts to pick up his scattered jacket and hat. He puts them on quickly and you lean against the back of the couch. The apartment is quiet, save for the sound of his rustling clothes.
He heads to the door, ruffling his hair before he sticks it back under his cap. His hand is on the doorknob, cranking it slowly. He turns back to give you a dazzling smile,
“It was really, really amazing to see you again.”
You stomach flips. You can only nod and smile, as he holds your gaze. He looks down stepping out and––
“Hey! Tom?”
He looks over his shoulder expectantly, and you take the door. He’s still halfway inside your apartment, and sorely full in your heart. He raises his brow in question, stuffing his hands in his pockets as you hold the door open for him.
Here it goes.
“I… I stayed around because… I kind of wanted to see you.”
His jaw drops.
“It was nice.”
And that goddamn heart-stopping grin is burned into your memory. You could see the sunshine and hope leaking out of his pores as he smiles with an open mouth.
Ooh.
And with a boyish chuckle, he accepts.
“Thank you, Y/N,” the flushing boy turns back and retreats with a happy skip,
“I’ll see you around.”
My name.
You don’t let yourself watch him walk away for too long, and shut the door quickly. Similarly, trying to shut out the emotions welling in your chest. Warm, worn, weak.
If Mal was awake, listening, or even remotely on “your side” you could just imagine her slow clapping to that awkward exchange.
You and Tom had finally moved forward; maybe they were baby steps. Or maybe they were even something less.
Anything is better than where you were nearly a month ago.
You retreat back to the couch and sink into your spot, alone with your rambling thoughts. Are we in, or are we out? Are we back? Is there more? Are we less––?
Gah.
You laugh as you wipe your hands over your face. You pull your cheeks down and let out a garbled sigh.
It’s really annoying how much you miss the taste of chocolate.
-
☎️ “Hey, It’s Tom. Again. Uhm, alright… This…. This feels ten times MORE awkward now that I know that you actually listen to these. Haha, shit! And I’ve sounded so pathetic in every single message–– hahaha, but, uhm, thanks. Not sure what part I’m thanking you for… but… I’m just thankful for you. Hah, hope that’s okay. I really just can’t believe I got to see you. It’s really been a long while, and I… I just wasn’t sure how we were even going to meet again. And, I realized I don’t have many pictures of you and you haven’t updated ANYTHING so––– oh, oh my god. I didn't mean to sound so fucking creepy! I swear I’m not checking on you everyday or something, hahahaha. Wah! I–– well. I don’t think i’ll ever forget what you look like, and I hope you’ll let me stick around……………… ugh, I’m the worst. For fucks sake. Hm….. you…. You really did look amazing, babe. I couldn’t breathe. And maybe you look even better without me……. Ahem. Ah, yeah. Sorry this is a fucking, that I’m a fucking mess. I’ll leave you be. Yeah. I’ll-- uhm, later. Bye, Y/N. I’ve missed you too.”
-
☎️ “Hey! Hey, uhm, It’s me. Tom. Again, again. Haha. Okay, uhm, totally slipped my mind, but I’ll be at Jay and Jae’s wedding like next, next week. Harrison said you were going as his date? Yeah, no problem with that. Just– uh, yeah. Just letting you know i’ll be there too. I know Mal, is invited so, she might be around? I’m not too sure. And… shouldn’t Zendaya be back around that time? Hahaha. Yeah, i–– This is just a heads up. I…. I won’t bother you there but…. Can i say that i’m looking forward to seeing you again so soon? Because I am….. Ooooohhhh….. Okay. Yeah, sorry. I’ll see you there, or not. Bye, babe.”
-
You smooth out your dress over your legs as you sit in a stiff chair. You kick your feet next to Harrison, lost on his phone. He ignores your fidgeting.
True to Tom’s voicemails, that you did listen to the moment you got them, you were at a wedding. Together, but not exactly. Jay and Jae were distant friends of yours, closer to Tom and his group of friends more than anyone else.
So naturally, Tom was there, sitting alone and far off, since Harrison took you as his date. He kept a professional distance, you would say.
Now, Mal was meant to be here too–– but she wasn’t. She declined without giving a specific reason, but you could imagine a few. The idea of fluffy bright whites, bouncy chatter and the honest glow of fairy lights might not shine too well on her particular shade of red.
Not that she doesn’t deserve her own sparkly moment in time, but you suppose this is all too fresh. And all too soon.
You reach out to touch the flowers wrapped around the chair in front of you. Were they real? Were they fake? You occupied yourself like this, and wondered…. Should you be feeling the same way as Mal?
Your eyes dart around, following strings of lights and greenery and warm sounds. Being at weddings, whether you knew the party well enough or not, has always made you feel loved. There's a certain warmth and love and respect that just overflows and spills into your own heart. Making you nostalgic for things you’ve never felt before.
So lovely.
Your thumbs smooth over a large petal.
And a ceremony like this…. Isn’t that bad. One day…
Your eyes flicker up, immediately finding that curious cute cavity.
One day maybe.
Tom is sitting with his arms resting on his legs. He switches between looking up, waving at distant friends and checking his phone, only to put it away quickly. He’s fidgeting too– trying his hardest not to look directly back at you.
You still catch him a few times.
You lean back, obscuring yourself from his view and  line up your arm with Harrison. You lean your head on his shoulder and laugh to yourself, pressing a fist against your lips to stifle it.
“Hm?” Harrison hums, craning his neck to see your face, “What’s so funny?”
You quiet down and smile gently. Curiosity is bubbling inside you and you feel like you’re in such high spirits–– the giddy nature of weddings is infectious, after all.
Is it because you feel like you have the upper hand tonight? Because Tom is trying so hard to not stare, but is so bad at hiding it? Because you feel like nothing can go wrong from this point?
Knock on wood.
Having Harrison by your side definitely feeds you a bit of confidence, at his expense. But you don’t think of that immediately. Things are only just coming to focus for you, and you eyes are willing to see.
You squeeze Haz’s arms softly, and suggest,
“Shall we invite him over?”
The golden haired boy scoffs, cocking his head back before looking at you,
“You sure about that?”
“‘Can’t leave him looking like a chump all by himself, right?”
He smiles at your thoughtfulness, raising his eyebrows then standing up. He calls over his friend quickly without much question. Tom perks up at the call of his name, and you could see his eyes widen across the ways.
He shimmies his way over, dodging people with a easygoing smile. He stands next to Haz, nodding his head politely,
“Hey, guys.”
“Hey, come sit with us,” you offer plainly, pointing beside Harrison.
You could see Tom doing the math in his head, but he doesn’t challenge it. He smiles instead, a little wary and a little stiff but thanks you. You could hear Harrison snort in dull annoyance, making you giggle.
You’re giddy for real.
Haz is sat between you two during the wedding ceremony, but you can feel whenever either of them turn to look at you, hot stares on your cheek. You all sit and stand together, following the procession.
“Is it hot in here, or is it just me?” the taller boy teases over the tension, bumping you with his elbow. You bump him back and he continues, “I’m in the line of fire.”
“Shut up!” you whisper back to him, catching Tom’s attention.
He turns to you, only like quarter cheek, but you can see the side of his eye wrinkle and how his cheek lift in a smile. You’re left looking at the teasing image of his jaw and ear and cheek and the tangle of waves on the nape of his neck––
Bring the heat.
The ceremony ambles on, and in the lull you hear Tom joke with Haz,
“Can’t wait for the drinks, man.”
Pffft.
His face was dusted pink. He needed something to keep him cool, something to do with his hands, and it might as well take the edge off too. It really couldn’t do much harm at this point. But would it even help with his nerves?
You stop yourself from giggling again, some kind of ancient, wretched, cliche girliness crawling out from you. You’re trying to play coy, but you can’t go exposing yourself.
Is this what it’s like to be wanted? And know you’re wanted?
Feels a little nice to be on this end, you have to admit.
You pull through the rest of the service, crying as the grooms whisper their vows to one another. Honestly you could barely hear it, but the way that they cried and smiled and cheered told you everything you needed to know.
Your heart swells as they kiss and walk by, everyone throwing handfuls of petals over them. It rains pink and white, a small flurry of love.
And while you take in the loving visual, you miss the way that a certain brunette turns back to catch a glimpse of you. Through the light mist of flowers, he sees a happy tear mark down your cheek and wishes nothing more than to be by your side and wipe it away.
“Catch you in a few,” comes Harrison’s voice and parting tap on your shoulder.
“Huh?” you blink, rubbing the corners of your eyes delicately.
He smiles, tilting his head towards company calling his name. He disappears into the crowd after giving your shoulder a squeeze and Tom a sharp pat on the back.
Ah, alone at last. You roll your eyes and nod to yourself.
There’s a wave of people leaving the ceremony to walk over to the reception hall, but you end up waiting in your row with Tom. You step close to his back, peering over him to see if it would be any easier to get out. You don’t talk.
After a while of being stuck, you both dart between chairs and exit the opposite way. You feel his hand almost touch the small of your back as he urges your way through.
The touch doesn’t connect, but a part of you wish it had.
You laugh bitterly as you push through the doors that lead out. It’s more than a bit ironic that you meet again at a wedding. The place of commitment and love and attempt at eternal happiness.
It’s kind of funny actually.
You step onto the sidewalk, shivering slightly at the cool spring weather. The smell of spring and summer was strong, but your teeth still chattered.
You stand side by side as you wait to cross the street, cars zipping through. You’re too aware of the space you hold between each other. You hold your hands to your chest and look ahead to the reception hall, glittery lights and soft noise wafting through.
“That was beautiful,” Tom comments quietly.
“Wasn’t it?” you smile, brought back to those glimmering emotions. You blink the wetness away from your eyes as you face him for a moment.
I’m such a sucker.
His hair is gelled back neater than usual, though a rogue curl tries to coil at the side of his head.
For…. things………..
“Mhm,” he hums, returning your gaze warmly. Those dark browns caught a twinkle the evening glow. Your heart beats oddly, as your lips pressed together. Tom smiles then taps the back of your arm, looking ahead of you.
“Let’s cross this street now.”
And you walk behind him, following his steps while skipping in your formal shoes, watching the broad sweep of his back in a smart black jacket.
You felt safe here.
Again.
-
Tom stood by your side as you crossed the threshold of the reception hall. The clack of your shoes against the hardwood didn’t catch any new attention but it sounded so fucking loud to you.You felt his shoulders roll back, as yours did, taking in the beautiful sight. Fairy lights and flowers and white drapery, hidden and highlighted by crowds of people. Wah.
You turn your cheek softly to look at him, your lashes fluttering. He was doing the same thing, both cautious of what to do and what to say next. You can’t stand at the entrance forever.
Oh, fuck it all––
“Hey! Tom! Is that you–?” a new voice crackles into range. Said boy ducks down and hollers back to an unfamiliar crowd, stepping away from you.
“Y/N!” and that call was for you, from a blonde you could hardly call yours.
You bounce back to Harrison, quickly hooking your arms into his without thinking. You wanted cover, fast.
Tom’s presence beside you was short lived as you went separate ways to greet some familiar faces, to your frail relief. You both get swept away in the tides of people, hardly saying goodbye to one another. Hm. You look back over your shoulder to see Tom smiling back at you gently. Hmm. He nods simply, then turns away.
See you later.
You suck in your cheeks, feeling a pang of disappointment as your expectations didn’t last long. But it’s fine. It’s fine. You weren’t even counting on spending the time that you did with him. Its fine! Really!
You float between hanging out with Harrison to meeting up with some old friends. Eventually starting to be dragged away by some especially gossip-y pals, Jenn and Sam. You hold on to Harrison’s arm as they tug you away,
“Nooooooo, guys, I can’t leave him by himself!”
Haz pries your fingers off one by one, sticking his tongue out and pointing behind him,
“Don’t worry about me, I have some other chumps to hang out with.”
You tilt your head for a second to see Tom, of course, looking down. His hands are stuffed deep into his pockets, laughing to himself, a pretty smile you wish you could have ignored. There’s a little unease that you notice about him too quickly, and that’s when you bounce back up.
Ha.
“Enjoy,” you say quietly, quite literally being pulled to the bar.
Conversation blends in seamlessly, with the help of some casual alcohol and swishy dancing. You haven’t met with them in along time, catching up and dissecting updates you’ve only seen through instagram and facebook. Then that drama starting spilling out as you look deeper into your cup, seeing where it all was heading….
“So, I heard Tom and Mal officially split,” Sam starts.
“Tom and Mal? They were a thing?” Jenn gasps.
“Yeah, official-ish–– right, Y/N? You roomin’ with Mal right now, yeah?”
And you nodded, “Yeah.”
“And they’re over? Done?”
Their eyes both shone bright with excitement, nearly licking their lips for the spill. Please, oh please! Share that shit!
You hold your shakey glass to your lip, wishing you didn’t have to answer this. But under their wide eyed stares and the desire to speak some truth, you squeak,
“Yeah, something like that.”
And they assume the pitying position quickly with,
“Oh, poor Tom. I knew he’d get dumped. He’s too nice and Mal was obviously taking advantage of that––”
And,
“Oh, well, I heard that Mal was just trying to use him to get back with someone.”
“Like, Jon, right? Or was it Tobey? I don’t remember––”
“Yeah, and Tom isn’t the type to date frivolously, so he must have known––”
Their story was wrong, but not so wrong. Just enough to get you itching. Itching to set it straight  and itching about whether or not you had the authority to correct them. Like what, just save Tom’s face, and tell them that Mal got what she deserved? That could be easy. But what happens when they ask about your role in this story–– is it even yours to tell?
“They did look great together though, Tom was head over heels for that bitch.”
“How could she let him go? I mean, the girl was all over everyone all the time, but Tom was a good one.”
They looked for him in the crowd, spotting him and cooing in pity. They were being so obvious, god. And at this point, you really couldn’t help yourself. You spoke in a hushed tone,
“Hm, actually, Tom dumped Mal.”
“Huh? For real?” and “Tells us what happened!”
You pause for a second, trying not to get in too deep.
“I don’t know for sure, but Tom realized he could… be better.”
“‘Be’ better? Not ‘do’ better? What do you mean by that?” Sam pushes, leaning closer to you, stepping by your side so you could both get a view of Tom swaying with some friends.
You shrug, turning your back to Tom, “I don’t know! I just saw the aftermath. I haven’t really talked to him, or Mal. It’s been tense–– you know?”
“Yeah, we get it,” Jenn nods solemnly, but perks up to wave, “We can just ask Tom himself! Hey! Tom! Harrison!”
Gah–!
Both of them are waving and making a scene towards the pair of boys somewhere behind you. You can only hunch your shoulders to brace yourself. It’s not like you could just walk away––
And “poor” Tom didn’t even realize you were there until the last second, freezing as he stops next to you.
Huuuu.
You’re very aware of how close he is.
With no formalities, no greetings, your friends cut right to it, only directing themselves towards the darker brunette,
“So, how have you been, Tom?”
He shrugs coolly, laughing sheepishly. His eyes are a little half-lidded as he blinked,
“Just… ask what you want to ask.”
Woah.
You look at him in dull surprise, Harrison too. You notice the soft pink glow on his cheeks and how he’s supporting himself on one leg. Maybe he’s drunk?  Maybe he’s just that ready to get it over with.
Cheers.
“Sooooo, you? And… Mal?”
“Not a thing anymore,” he shrugs again, holding up his beer bottle and smiling cryptically.
Your old friends turn on the pity again.
“Awwww, but you guys were so cute together!”
You have to squint your eyes at that remark, knowing they were egging him on. Buttering up the situation, but…. Ugh. You hate these kind of exchanges. But hey, transitions are important right?
Tom tries hard not to look at you as he nods slowly, explaining only a little bit more.
“Yeah, we… just didn’t work out. We… we wanted different things.”
You could see the questions bubbling in their pretty lil heads, but they offer some kindness, some room to take a breath.
“Oh, well good on you for getting out, Tom. We’re happy for you.”
And there it goes. You laugh under your breath at their blatant flip of the coin.
Tom smiles a little warmer this time, eyes crinkling genuinely.
“Thanks, ‘appreciate it.”
“And you know,” Jenn sings, shimmying her shoulders, “If you’re looking for a new, new love. There’s plenty of candidates right here!”
She bumps your shoulder, making you fall towards him. You dance a few steps forward, clinging onto his arm to balance yourself. You scoff as you stand up straight, your hand gripping his sleeve and nearly stretched across his chest.
Oh.
He stiffens beneath your touch.
Right.
You pull back to yourself, stepping aside as he clears his throat. Your brows furrow but he continues to speak uninterrupted.
“Ahem, yeah… thanks. I’m still–– I’m figuring things out. But I’ll be sure to do it right next time.”
Next time.
And you crack a one-sided smile, pursing your lips and looking down. Haha.
Harrison gives Tom’s shoulder a hard pat, not to be forgotten.
“If you get a next time!”
Oh, that was a bit pointed. A little sharp.
Tom opens his mouth in reaction, booing. Harrison laughs wide hugging his shoulders as everyone teases. You can’t look straight at him, knowing that you would fold and join into the glee all too quickly.
He looks too pretty in this light.
“Well, we still have some rounds to make,” Haz hugs Sam, then Jenn, then you, “We’ll grab a drink with you later.”
You close your eyes in the short embrace with Harrison, recharging. He squeezes your shoulder and starts to pull Tom away. Tom was in the middle of hugging your old pals, no hard feelings.
He gets to stand before you but speaks to the group,
“Yeah, ‘nice seeing you guys.”
The one rogue curl has turned into three framing his face, his canine pokes over his lip in a warm smile, and you feel the world stop turning.
“Y/N.”
You nod, giving him a quiet goodbye, tracing the lovely expression on his face. You blink softly, calming the pinpricks in your heart.
Damn.
And before you realize it, you’re smiling.
Greaaat.
It’s getting harder to deny that he’s got you got.
Cos now....
I’m actually kind of rooting for you.
-
How great is it that wedding playlists are full of love songs, huh? Gives you lots of material to think about as you bob your head to some bops with a chilled glass of wine in hand.
“I love you” and “I need you,” those are the songs singing. And the warmth in your face? You can blame it on the bubbly.
Right.
You raise your glass with another circle of friends as you spin in a daze. You let yourself blend into the blur of company, focused on remaining present.
Present as in–– not falling too back into those chocolatey clutches. Too soon anyway.
You don’t need to spend this time thinking about Tom. You don’t need to worry about where he is or how you’ll meet again–– in the next hour? After this wedding? Next week or…
Stop!
You’re just two separate people living on this planet, and your worlds don’t need to revolve around each other. At least, not all the time.
Tom is respecting your space, and you his. You don’t know what happened during this month long break, but… you still have time to think some things through. Whatever.
You nod along with friends to the music, finding your attention drifting away as the songs switch to something slower. The spell is wearing off, clarity is coming.
“I’ll be right back,” you hum but sure they didn’t actually hear you, and head to the bathroom.
And what a surprise, he is standing outside talking on his phone.
He doesn’t see you at first, kicking his feet on the floor and spinning alone.  You tiptoe past him, and maybe that was when he notices you–– you can’t fully tell either because you’ve already made it inside.
You make no impression of it, only looking at your face in the mirror. You take out an oil-blotting sheet and press it against your forehead. You look at your reflection, and it simply stares back. Nothing new, just some lines of wear and tiredness beneath your eyes. The usual.
You exit the restroom, and he isn’t there.
Hm.
You make your way, pulled into some conversations and breaking free for another drink, waiting at the counter of the bar. Your fingers tap against the counter fidgeting not out of impatience and––
There’s a raucous eruption of laughter and rustling beside you. You turn your cheek to see none other than, that man. He’s hugging another guy as they stuff a few bills into the tip jar. He notices you this time.
Small smile, and then disappears into the crowd.
You managed to smile back as your drink came and you flit away just as quickly. There’s an incredulous laugh that edges in the back of your throat.
Hmm.
Next, you go out for some fresh air on the balcony and, huh, he’s there, too. Harrison and Tom smoke some cigars with the grooms and you quite literally smack your lips and turn a heel to the other direction.
Not the kind of air you were looking for at the moment.
You sputter a laugh in disbelief, shaking your head as you clomp your way to… wherever the hell else.
God, you weren’t even looking for him! He was just always fucking… right there. Your pace quickens and you focus on the tap of your shoes as you run away––
But there’s something else in your step.
Disappointment?
Maybe it’s weighing on you that he isn’t making any moves. Not that you want him to, but you kinda did expect him to.You see him miraculously after a month and he leaves all those begging and wanting messages and now you see him here and–– nothing.
Shit, Tom. Don’t be such a great guy.
You laugh, shaking your head, feeling your hair come undone a lil. You tuck it behind your ear as you come back to face the twinkling lights.
You’re making it hard to ignore you.
You take a deep breath, rolling your shoulders back in an attempt to relax. Sliding your way back onto the dance floor, you find friends and hold onto your waning freedom.
Dancing is the best way to get him out of your head. He’s outside, you’re in a tangle, you won’t find him here. You won’t even look for him here!
Shimmy. Sing. Shake. Grind.
Your eyes are closed to just fall in tune with the music, and maybe you’re dancing badly but that’s always alright. Just enough to get the feelings out.
In the throes of expressing yourself with your body, you fail to ignore another body coming up behind you, shushing your friends. Warm hands melt down your waist, rolling with the contours of your hips.
You yelp, jumping up and falling back into the body. You turn to see that it’s just Harrison, laughing smartly. His cheeks are flushed as he hugs your waist close to him,
“Hello there, thing.”
Thing.
“God! You scared me.” You swat at him, as you struggle against his arms to face him. You hug his own waist back easily, fingers spreading across his back. You giggle sheepishly, feeling the full weight of tiredness as you’re finally able to lean on someone.
His warm fingertips gently brush hair away from your sticky face, commenting,
“You’re look beautiful, even 3 hours into this thing.”
“That’s the alcohol speakin’, Haz.”
“No, no.Just accept it,” his eyes soften, watery blue, “I mean it.”
Oh, the pang of guilt.
“Not looking so bad yourself,” you say, patting his cheek. You could feel the beginnings of stubble beneath your hand, sending shivers down your spine.
The song slows and you collapse into a dance together, feet shuffling softly and heads leaned. You take solace on his shoulder, breathing in his manly cologne, still going strong. You can smell a feminine perfume mixed along in there somewhere too––
“So, where’s Tom now?” you callously ask.
“Why are you looking for him?”
“N-no, I’m just wondering,” you callously reply.
Harrison shallowly laughs at your obvious interest, shaking his head to hit his chin against you.
“‘Trying not to keep bumping into you, he says,” you hear a deep sigh come from deep within, “Ya’ll are so annoying.”
His bold hand pats the space right above your ass in poor punishment. You inhale deeply, words spilling,
“I don’t know what to do with… with this, honestly.”
“Spend some time with him, you’ll know.”
You frown, craning to look back at him, eventually standing straight before him, “I… don’t want to.”
“Then don’t look for him,” Haz says firmly, bluntly, clearly.
He’s giving you an empty smile, his eyes icy. And it hurts your heart, hurts you knowing that he’s still having a hard time with this too. You step back, making distance,
“I’m sorry, Harrison–– I didn’t mean to.”
“No, no, you’re alright,” his eyes close, tilting his head. His perfect hair falls with his movements, “I don’t want you to pity me, just–– just let yourself be happy, or else i can’t move on.”
Woof.
That’s the first time he’s said it out loud.
And you hear it loud and clear.
You don’t know what to say, offering him a crooked smile, eyebrows pulled. You try to give him a look that looks more like understanding rather than pity.
He chuckles, a bit more genuinely this time,
“What are we going to do with you?”
You bob your head. You’re a wreck and you know it.
“Dance?”
“I dare you to dance with Tom.”
“What?No way! I can’t do that,” you look past Harrison as he spins you. That pretty boy is standing alone against the wall somewhere far off. He’s not looking in your direction now, but you could never be sure of where his eyes were mere seconds ago.
“No!”
You want to tell Harrison that you’d rather dance with him, no one else, but that would just be twisting the knife in further. Pure cruelty.
“Come on,” Harrison hugs you from behind, swaying for a moment while he presses his cheek against yours. The grain of his stubble tickles your face as he whispers into you ear,
“There’s nothing to be worried about.”
Easy for you to say, is what comes to mind. There’s PLENTY of things to worry about–– but further burdening Harrison with your troubles is just.... Unfair, and you know it.
Fuck it all.
The song ends, and Haz lets you go with a soft spin and swivel. Your shoes tap on the hardwood, as he motions for you to go. It fills you with a little bit of confidence, if you can call it that.
You make your way, looking back to see the beautiful boy already chatting up some people nearby, his perfect smile on display. There was a little ease given back to you there. A little.
The songs get slower, and it’s harder to make it out there alone.
Your stupid eyes keep trailing back to Tom leaning against the wall, glass in hand. You suck in a breath and finally waltz yourself over to him.
At least you have the element of surprise on your side, right?
“Hey.”
“Ah! H-hey!” he’s caught off guard, pushing himself off the wall to stand tall.
You fall into place next to him, looking around as you control the pace.
“You enjoying yourself?”
You’re aware of how strange this sudden exchange must be, but you’re tired of running in place. You think Tom picks up on that too as his shoulder slumps in casual ease, able to speak loosely,
“Of course, great company and an open bar. It’s a good night.”
You break into a wry smile, wondering who and where his company was. You were out there with his best friend, who was left?
That’s a little mean, haha.
“You’re not gonna go dance?”
“No one I wanna dance with out there,” he bumps his head to the music, looking out into the sea, and back at you.
You exhale, taking a small leap,
“No one for the… past few months?”
Tom fights a grin, puffing his cheeks up as he turns to you fully. His eyes scan over your face, looking for permission to be back on that cheeky shit,
“There’s only (1) person that comes to mind.”
Mmhmm.
“––Well ,a few ones. But you’re the main one, don’t worry,” he jokes with a weak smile.
That’s enough to make you laugh though, his easy teasing. You fix the strap of your dress as you smooth out the conversation with just as much tact,
“So, how have you been otherwise, busy?”
“Yeah, a little bit, and you?”
“Not busy enough,” you laugh, maybe this wasn’t so easy. The nervous energy boiled in the pit of your stomach as you kept talking, “––with work and class and stuff. It’s been slow but i’d rather be stressed. I don’t know it’s weird, being idle.”
“No, no, I get it,” Tom points his finger as he takes a drink, maintaining eye contact, “Don’t overwork yourself though.”
“Thanks.”
And the conversation stops, not flowing to the next thing like it used to.
There should be so many things to talk about, so many things to catch up on, movies, shows, life, anything! But there were still wrinkles you had to iron out, not to be forgotten.
The silence isn’t unpleasant though, though you can credit that to being at a loud and rowdy wedding. Lots of background noise and things to avert your gaze to.
“How’s Mal?” he asks outright and suddenly.
“Doin’ better,” you reply just as earnestly, “Haven’t talked to her much though, if I’m being honest.”
“That’s good. She… really worried me last week, but we left on good terms.”
Thank god.
You face him fully this time too, “I’m glad. That’s great, Tom. I’m really happy for you.”
He puts down his glass, scratching his nose to hide his face. You can see his eyes were a little watery while his brows furrowed,
“Listen, I– I gotta clear some things up with you too. If you’ll––”
You hear the loud crackle of a microphone, eyes directed towards the mass of people rushing to the dance floor. The DJ announces it’s time for the bouquet toss, people pushing beside you asking you to come join, Hands reaching out as they pass.
Uhm, hell no.
You shake your head in rejection, it may just be superstition, but you’ll take no chances. Predictions for the future made you queasy, forever waiting for those star sign events to come true. It’s limiting, in a way. Strings of people pass by you, pulling at you and Tom to join. They smelled a little too hopeful and a little too much like alcohol.
“Come on, you’re single. Just go!”
“No thanks,” you breath.
“Why, are you taken?”
“No,” you had to reply over and over.
You held still, your stomach churning for some reason. Maybe it was just having your future ~love~ predicted and dissected by a crowd of people. You just felt rushed and hot and annoyed. These festivities were meant to be fun, harmless! But you feel too conscious about it in this state.
“Want to get out of here?” Tom offers, expertly sensing your nerves, his hand already hovering over the small of your back.
“Please.”
He takes the outside and you walk along the wall, weaving through threads of people while his hand guides you. You couldn’t look at him, embarrassed about your mini-meltdown as he leads you out into an empty hall. It led to a quiet lobby.
No one was there, the only sign of use were the half-drunken booze littered across a table. There was still plenty of room to stand and talk. You lean against a marble column and look out the window. There’s meant to be a view of the city, sparkling at night, but the glare allowed you to see your reflections. Both of you stood apart and stiff.
You hug your shoulders, thinking of just moments ago, “Pushy.”
“Sorry about that,” Tom offers, leaning against the same pillar, close. “Is this alright?”
“It’s not you,” is all you can return.
You both take the moment to try to look past your own reflections to the outside world, listening to the muffled sounds of the DJ and blurry cheering. Soon enough, you push off the column stand closer to the glass, looking out and seeing clearly.
“I have to apologize for speaking on your behalf… about Mal.”
There’s a beat of silence before he comes beside you again, searching for the same view. In the faint reflection, you see his hand reach for yours and stop, stuffing his back into his pocket. He pretends he hadn’t moved at all.
“No, no, thanks for saying something. I, uhm, I didn’t mean to put you on the spot.”
You both chuckle, looking down–– no one really knows anything. It’s contained, it’s a secret.
It’s stills something that’s only between the three of you.
And it’s all you can think about lately.
What are we now?
During this gap, you’ve spent so much time thinking about what to say, and what you would do when you get the chance to speak one on one…. But now you’re fumbling. So far, you don’t know anything about thisTom. This Tom you have seen for days, weeks, months. You don’t know what he’s being doing, how he’s doing or what he’s even thinking about–– not like before. Not like back when you could read his mind. Not like when you knew, “I’m on my way” meant “I’ll be 10 minutes late, but I’ll be there.”
There’s so little to go off of.
The boy before you wasn’t a complete stranger, but not exactly a friend either.
And you don’t know where to start with that.
You cross and uncross your arms in the dragging echo of silence.
You feel like a child, helpless. You feel like a teenager, confused. But worst of all, you felt like an adult who has no idea what the fuck to say.
It would have been comforting to know that Tom felt the same way, but you didn’t notice that. You didn’t see how his forefinger pressed into his thumb, and how he bit the inside of his cheek, navigating the same path to the truth and apology.
It would actually be a relief for someone to burst in at this moment.
But the time for peace and clarity has arrived, and you both know you shouldn’t let it go.
“I’m sorry for… kissing you the last time I saw you. The last, last time, I mean. At the party,” Tom courageously blurts, turning a frustrated red. He steps back to the column, leaning against it as he balls his hands into fists,
“That’s one the biggest… things I have to say sorry for. And… yeah, you know the rest. I just–– I know that I shouldn’t have done that. The alcohol and confusion isn’t an excuse… and yeah, it’s disgusting, I know.” He trails off, hoping that you would pick up from there. But you don’t, properly giving him time to say what he needs to,
“I–I’ve been so lost for so long, you know? Looking for someone to be with, and Mal was there. She was someone who wasn’t perfect, needed help… Someone I thought I could help. And I wanted to stick through it, but when I met you––aside from what happened between us, you taught me that I deserved better. Better than someone who wouldn’t do anything in return for all I’ve done. That that relationship isn’t… something I had to destroy myself to save,” he looks up, looking for you.
“You just… none of this is your fault and you don’t need to feel bad for any of it. For me.”
Tom laughs, shaking his head more curls and waves coming undone.
“You don’t need to be anything to me. But I’m just going to be the sap that’s still falling in love with you for a while longer.”
The laugh takes a bittersweet turn, and you can tell he wishes he were holding your hand–– anything to physically show you he means it. But you’re not sure you’re ready for that kind of direct touch just yet.
You’re just absorbing it all in. It’s been a tumultuous few months, both caught in a vicious tide. Rolling, tumbling, drowning–– and it’s not an excuse for either of you. You can’t just let things fall where they may.
“No… Tom, I have to apologize too,” you start shakily, after you hear cheers from the vibrating reception.
“For what?”
Breathe.
The past few months of getting close to Tom, getting closer and falling apart, run though your mind. And you really wonder if he thinks that you are blameless in this catastrophe.That you hadn’t seduced him or wanted him while he was promised to someone else.
That’s pretty shit of you, right?
You lick your bottom lip in a small smile, Tom always had that kind of innocence about you. The assumption that you don’t play the game, that you could never wish ill-will. He could never think that you had ever schemed against his relationship.
And you didn’t, explicitly, but….
“Tom,” you dig your heel into the ground, leaning against the window while you watch his face, “I shouldn’t have ever… tempted you–– or spent that time with you. Back then, in the beginning, you had Mal. And I walked right in between you.”
“You didn’t.”
“I did, and maybe it wasn’t forcefully or with the intention of taking you away but… it was wrong of me to even try to confuse you. It was selfish and stupid.”
And it hurt everyone involved.
Whether it started with you is up for debate, but you want this cycle of hurt to end with you. Or end with the truth.
You think of Harrison and even Mal. Maybe it’s not your fault or Tom’s fault, but it’s hard to feel blameless as you assess the damage.
“If I hadn’t gotten involved, none of this would have happened and…”
Your eyes shift left and right as you wait for his reply. Tom hangs his head, rocking for a moment before coming back up to smile,
“It’s okay.”
His words hang in the air, releasing you. And something has changed, with your confessions, something has reverted back to those glossier days. He teases,
“I’m glad you confused me.”
You scrunch your nose at your words being brought back.
Tom and Mal’s relationship was rockier than either of you knew at the start, and with your intentional slash unintentional meddling, lots of things came to light, got messy and now… you’re here.
Confused.
Far from the start, but still just as lost.
Tom’s brows raise and soften as he watches your heart on your sleeve,
“I…. I know there’s still a lot to think about but… I gotta say that I’m so happy that you’re still here talking to me.”
You have to laugh, one that you can’t swallow and pretend. You rub the corner of your eye, and muse,
“I’m not that cold, Tom.”
But you had been, and he knew he deserved it.
And while time has not swept away all the hurt, the path seemed a little bit clearer.
There were still some things you couldn’t deny.
“Hey... You know what?”
He hums in response, kicking off the column to come stand beside you again. You could see the pretty wrinkles on the side of his mouth deepen as he breathes into a smile.
You start,
“Despite this mess, I’m glad I got to know you. At all.”
His dark eyes widen as he takes it in, the future still in question. His pale hands yearns to reach out to you, and even with this new confidence he is wary of rejection. Instead he cuts through the still and get straight to it,
“What does that mean?”
You felt caught off guard at his parry, but your answer comes out all on its own.
“It means that, I’ve liked you, Tom. and––”
And?
“I don’t completely want you out of my life.”
You find yourself smiling as you tuck your chin back in embarrassment. That sounded an awful lot like you still felt That Way about him. You shut your eyes and sigh, shaking your head a little bit.
“Not completely?” he repeats, egging you on for more. He leans close to you, making his way back to your heart.
You chuckle under your breath.
“Let’s start over.”
Tom’s brows harden.
You stretch out your hand towards him, which he cautiously accepts as you put out the flames.
“As friends.”
There’s another loud round of applause that echoes through the hall. Shouts and whistles bleed out to the lobby.
“As friends,” he murmurs.
You shake firmly, avoiding his eyes as your hands fall back to your sides. You turn your cheek to face away from him and suggest,
“Let’s get back in, yeah?”
You don’t want him to see the strange, flustered, excited, happy expression drawn so obviously on your face.
“Let’s,” Tom agrees easily.
His hand smoothes over the small of your back, in a brave and bold little show of camaraderie.
Let’s start off as friends.
You smile stiffly, because you don’t want him to know that your heart is pounding like it used to.
That it would be too easy to melt back into that old mold.
Let’s just see where we go from there.
-
As with all romantic dramedies, you enter the party together with no resolution or closure to your prior conversation. And once again, you are immediately swept away into the tide.
You lose each other for a moment, following the flow of people and conversation.  But this time, you find your way back to one another, willingly.
Tom stands tall by your side, instead of cowering away, and you roll your shoulders back with inviting poise. You feel at ease and he smiles warmly.
That’s not to write off the unbelievable and undeniable tension stretching in the small gap between your shoulders. It’s TOO real.
Your hand had bumped his once, and you both jump back and fumble over hurried apologies.
“Sorry.”
“You’re good.”
And it’s back to standing still but not too still. You both manage to relax with your favorite blonde slash brunette makes his way, and stands in between. He’s throws his arms over both of you, drunken weight pulling down as he sways.
You laugh at the rumple in his collar, fixing it while berating him for still being so drunk at the end of the night. Harrison waves the hand on your side and twirls a finger in the air,
“Indulge a little.”
The celebration nears the end as the lights dim and people start making two lines by the exit, standing together holding party poppers to burst over the grooms in the grand finale. A parting gift of glitter and petals and kisses.
Tom has placed Harrison in a chair by the wall, both of you standing nearby. You both snicker  as he rubs his eyes and checks his phone, undoubtedly texting you both.
Facing forward, you hold the small device in your hands as you wait together, scraping to make small talk. Your voice startles him.
“You know, Z is coming back in a week.”
Tom’s eyes widen, looking at you with genuine surprise. He nods, looking for more,
“Oh, for real? Does she want––” His eyes dart from side to side, thinking of his next words carefully.
You finish it for him.
“She wants to see you. And uh-oh, biiiiig trouble.”
“Oh,” he pulls an exaggerated face, tugging at his collar.
“Not all bad trouble. But–– you know, it could help your case if you could help us with the move. Uhm, If I could trouble you with that.”
Tom smiles wide, his eyes crinkling near shut as he looks down. This is your arm stretched out towards him, offering a path back to where he wants to be. But it’s just a feeler, if anything at all.
“Yeah, of course, I’d love to.”
You giggle, shaking your head. No one wants to help anyone with a move, dummy. God, you don’t want to take advantage of his feelings but–– he does have a car and some apologies he wanted to make. Haha, it’s nothing malicious! You could just use the help.
“I can bring Haz and Jacob too, if that’s alright.”
“Oh, I don’t have that much shit.”
“Just Harrison then?”
Your eyes scan over him, wondering if he was worried about spending time in the same place as 3 women who were, arguably, after his throat. You really can’t blame him for looking for some protection.
You offer your sympathy with a edging smile, “Yeah, bring the drunkard with you. He’ll be a lot of help, yeah?”
You both turn back to look at him, squinting into the crowd. You laugh as he finally finds you, and offer him a little wave. You turn to Tom to see if he was waving too, but he wasn’t.
His face is close, and tilted towards you. You could see those freckles you missed so much, and the brow you’ve always wanted to tame. You could smell that faint boyish cologne that always reminded you of home––
“Oh! Here they come!” Tom interrupts, his whole face perking up animatedly. His smile is so wide and true, leaving you in a daze and you turn back to the grooms.
They make their way through the lines, dressed in white, only to be covered in glitter and streamers and petals.
You squeal in excitement, screaming congratulations as you pull the string and feel the pop in your bones. Tom is whistling and howling beside you, a cheeky hand making its way across your back.
Goosebumps prickle across your skin as you watch the new couple pass.
Hey.
They disappear into night, as the crowd collapses into one. You hear stray pops and fizzles, delayed responses but none to go to waste. The flurry of confetti is dense and never ending, feeling like a stubborn snow flurry in the early spring.
You lean into the warm palm into your back, and spin to find it’s owner.
Through falling flowers, muted music and passing bodies, you turn back to Tom.
Lovely Tom.
And he’s found you too, hair tousled just right and lips a rosy pink.
Picture perfect and sugary sweet.
“Hey, you.”
Your back is still blooming with warmth even after his hand falls away.
“Hey.”
Before the flurry ends, he’s pulled you aside to avoid the bustling of people making their exit. The dim light and soft rustling makes you feel small and lonely, yearning to be held again.
Your eyes shift towards Harrison, coming up from his seat and taking a video of the falling flowers. You blink back into your body.
Straightening yourself out, you tuck hair behind your ear, making rogue petals fall out onto the floor. You and Tom laugh, as he brushes his shoulders off and shakes his blazer.
You’re shaking off your dress as Harrison comes up, and Tom speaks low,
��Can I give you a ride home?”
Oh, the night’s not over.
You look at Haz, still in and out of his coordination and seeing that he was your ride… you agree. You walk with the pair of boys clinging to each other into the warm night and softly bump into Tom’s shoulder.
“Did you plan for this?”
He raises his brows to give you a smug smile,
“Nope, only hoped.”
You roll your eyes as you get into Harrison’s car–– Tom must have gotten a Lyft or something. Harrison surrendered his keys and quickly settled into his seat up front. He dozes off quickly, dropping his phone and making no reaction.
Tom snickers as you take a picture of the blonde sweetie, sitting back to type on your phone.
He plays some whatever late night radio music, and it’s quiet in the car but it’s not so bad. It’s comfortable.
You don’t feel the pressure to talk after all the talking you had already done.
You focus on picking off flowers that have gotten into precarious places, and rub the glitter off your skin. You seethe,
“These better be biodegradable.”
And Tom laughs, glitter and paper confetti falling out of his hair.
He takes you home on familiar dips and turn, getting back to your apartment in no time. You almost forgot about your roommate for a moment too––
He parks to the side and as you gather your things he runs out to get the door for you, making you blow up at your hair. You take the hand he offers as you step out,
“Thank you, thank you. That’ll be all.”
You start to walk to the front door, realizing Tom is following you after the car door shuts and you hear his hurried steps. You look at him, lips pressed to avoid a smile. He shrugs,
“Just want to make sure you get inside.”
You both look towards the door, only a short distance away. And reconvene with those dark browns, curious to see what could happen next.
He understands that there’s still a line, still a few things to settle. And you appreciate that–– except for the fact that your insides are buzzing to take him in, to watching something dumb or to catch up or to drink drinks or to just to have him on your couch again.
But it can’t be tonight.
You climb up a few steps, making yourself a lot taller than him, and lick your lips,
“”Thank you, Tom. Uhm, it was nice talking to you again.”
“It’s my pleasure,” he scratches the side of his neck, “This eases some of my worries.”
“You don’t have to worry,” you say softly leaning back.
“But I want to.”
You shake your head, throwing your shoulders up as you laugh,
“Stay worried then!”
Tom pouts, slapping his arms at his side in defense, and you only rub your nose.
“Thanks,” he sarcastically nods, continuing the banter. He wants to spend more time with you too, to wrap himself in that fuzzy gray blanket and tell you how much you meant and mean to him. But he rocks back on his heels, trying to get away from your sweet scent and away from the sweet licks of temptation.
Let’s not make the same mistakes twice, yeah?
“Text me when you make it back, okay? Tell Harrison to too,” you conclude, stepping on the brakes.
He smiles a little too wide at the permission you just gave him, and you only realize it a second after. Then the lines of communication were open again, that this is something you will really move forward with–– and as Tom bows his head to hide his ecstatic grin, you catch sight of a stray white petal knotted in his locks.
“Hold on!”
You reach forward instinctively, and he keeps his head lowered. You hold the side of his head with one hand, the bottom of your palm smoothing across his forehead and the other plucking the petal from a nest of gel,
“Got it.”
And he looks up then, with no warning. You hand frozen in place, and ultimately cupping his cheek. Your thumb presses against the corner of his lip, pressed in a gorgeous and heartbreaking smile.
You manage to speak, “Look, silly.”
Your hand shakes as you show him the white petal between your faces, and he defiantly looks past it and straight at you.
“You can keep that,” he whispers, making your hair stand on end.
And it’s funny because your arm lowers, and your hand slides off his burning cheek onto his chest. You smooth down his lapel and hold his gaze before you let your hand fall back to your side. You wished nothing more than to tumble forward, to collapse back into his arms. To embrace him wholly, for him to embrace you back.
To forget the stupid messes made and fall in love with the sweetness again.
“I will.”
There’s still a trust to be earned, a new recipe to follow. Proper ingredients, real sugar and in the end, it’s still gotta taste good too.
But, oh, what would wouldn't do to kiss him again.
To take a bite of that sweet chocolate.
“I’ll see you soon, Tom.”
I wonder what it would taste like now?
-
-
-
A/N: …… FINALLY. OH MY GOD. it’s been like what, 6 months? Since December? This series took a hard hit because of my birthday and holidays and tumblr banning blogs left and right. I’m glad to return to it, and fucking… END it. Thank you so much to those of you who have stuck around, remembered this series and asked for updates! This is for you.
If you can, please like, comment and reblog. I want all of those who have been waiting for this to see the end! Maybe like 2-3 more chapters left?
And i’ll let you know when i can update next. The next one won’t be as long, so maybe i can get it out in a week or two?
Track #LDC or #Like Dark Chocolate to see the updates!
Again, thank you so much and i love you guys! See you very soon.
Peace,
Madmadmilk
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loserholland · 2 years
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𝐀 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐃𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 | 𝐀.𝐓
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𝐈𝐈. 𝐅𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬
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Pairing ➺  Aemond Targaryen x Fem!Targ/Vela/Strong!Reader
Warning ➺ Hint of smut! Some Targ!Incest hinted/implied. Use of High Valyrian. Mean Aemond as usual ig lol. Italics are flashbacks
Word Count ➺ 2.6K
Summary ➺ Her mother was known to be “The Realms Delight”. Soon Rhaeneyra’s daughter would earn that title as well, leaving many suitors waiting in line an a particular uncle waiting as well.
A/N ➺ GAH GUYS! THANK YOU! I hope you all enjoy part two, I may fix it up later. Just uploading this yet again whilst in class because I seem to have more ideas when in class? Enjoy! I ALSO DON’T OWN HIGH VALYRIAN, though I’m learning it on duolingo :D
✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ - @loveyathreethousand @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine @spideyyypeter @lou-la-lou@babebenhardy @rivervixenbaby @acklesholland @zabdisamor @keepingupwiththehollands @sweet666pea @sspider-parker @jackiehollanderr @caro0512 @thewinchesterchronicles @cporter003 @kisses-holland @spideysnugget @cryszus @sunflowerharrystyles @peterunderoos @ohbabycal @laucontrerasv @spider-mendes @jessybellsworld @quaksonhehe @dummiesshort @multitargaryen @mingiholic​ @loutino94​​
𝐀 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐃𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ➺ @dudfahsn  @hhjhbhh  @firecantkillthedragon
@its-sam-allgood  @sahanna @imjustboredso  @lovecleastrange @mouseymagines @out-of-life  @caspianobsessed @bilesxbilinskixlahey​ @yunonaneko​ ​
☞  Masterlist  ☜
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The sound of waves crashing against the shore allowed her to relax, her body less tense than it had been after the past few weeks. It was nice to be back on Dragonstone with her family, catching up with her mother who was due with her fifth child any day now. After your father’s death, she had married her uncle Daemon, who was now your step-father but was first your great-uncle?
Targaryen customs at its finest.
She watched as Tessarion soared through the sky. It had been almost a week since you arrived back on Dragonstone, though you didn’t want to leave the keep it felt necessary to be away. 
(Y/N) had adjusted her daily task to be done earlier, trying her best to avoid her begrudged uncle. If she wanted books from the library she’d ask her lady in waiting to find it for her not wanting to risk stepping foot alone into there. At dinner she could feel his gaze, a smug look painted his face, he knew that she was on the edge. 
He took notice of how she had changed her schedule around, truly he didn’t think she would avoid him at all cost. “May I be excused? I have quite an eventful day tomorrow.” waiting for her grandsire and the queen to give her a nod, excusing herself from the dining hall. Aemond waited a few minutes before excusing himself as well, he quickly made his way to her chambers using the secret passage ways that his great-great-great uncle Maegor had built. 
“It’s quite alright Mera, please get some rest.” She stood outside her chamber doors talking to one of her ladies in waiting, Aemond took a seat on one of the chairs facing the fireplace awaiting for his niece to enter. 
She opened and closed her door quickly, all she wanted was for sleep to consume her. It was foolish really to feel so on the edge, she felt as though maybe she was overthinking the situation. He could hear her moving around the room, still unaware of the current company she had.
“You’ve been avoiding me dear niece.” 
(Y/N) yelped in surprise loud enough to reach the ears of her knight guarding her door. 
“Princess? Are you alright?”
Aemond stood from the chair raising his brow slightly awaiting for her to answer the guard. She knew that if his mother found out he was in her chambers she’d call you a whore and accuse you of wanting to tarnish her son's name.
“It’s alright Ser Erryk, just a bird.” Aemond hummed in satisfaction, striding forwards towards the princess. (Y/N) breathing grew heavy, her heart began to beat against her chest waiting to jump out at any moment. “What are you doing here Aemond?” it came out as a weak question, she could barely recognize her own voice,
He stopped a few feet away from her, wrapping his arms behind his back taking in her figure. “Ao didn’t udligon ñuha másino.” (You didn’t answer my question.)
Your mother had you learn High Valyrian when you were young, her reason was because it was necessary to learn your native tongue. But you later realized it’s because the walls within the Keep and all of Westeros have ears. 
And because not everyone can speak High Valyrian.
The two of you had communicated this way since you were young, when you actually got along. At the time you two weren’t the greatest at speaking it tumbling over your words, but now it was music to your ears.
It made you feel special.
(Y/N) scoffed lightly, if someone threatened to take your eye wouldn't you want to avoid them at all cost? It was a silly question really that answered for itself.
“Ao threatened naejot gūrogon ñuha laes.” (You threatened to take my eye.)
“Yn nyke didn’t, gōntan nyke daor?” (But I didn’t, did I not?)
The crackling flames filled the silence that engulfed the room, it was strange. Strange to see him in her chambers, the way he just towered over you as though he held some sort of power. But now was her chance to push him though as he did her. The one thing she noticed about Aemond was how arrogant he became, or maybe it was confidence, the two seemed to bleed into one when it came to him.
She glared at him, how could he come in here as though that never happened? “Nyke ivestretan ao naejot gūrogon ziry.  Iā sia ao tolī olvie hen iā coward naejot follow rȳ? (I told you to take it. Or were you too much of a coward to follow through?)
Aemond stepped forward watching as she stepped back till she was against the wall, he wrapped his hand around her throat squeezing lightly. (Y/N) never knew why she never tried to fight back when it came to Aemond, if Aegon had his hand around her throat she would be quick to push him off and give him a taste of his own medicine.
Yet when it came to Aemond. 
She always froze.
“Nyke mērī spared ao, skoro syt should nyke wrongfully gūrogon skoros shouldn’t sagon taken? unless ao drējī jaelagon naejot sagon keskydoso, sepār ivestragon se udir.” (I only spared you, why should I wrongfully take what shouldn’t be taken? Unless you truly want to be the same, just say the word.)
There it was, the same flames that danced just a few days ago. Conflicted on what to do, fighting against one another. She felt like a lamb ready to be slaughtered by Tessarion, just a word away from being set aflame and eaten in one bite. 
““Don’t jaelā naejot gīmigon skoro syt nyke didn’t gūrogon ziry? i’m sure bona másino iksis rattling bona pretty bartos hen aōhon?” (Don’t you want to know why I didn’t take it? I’m sure that question is rattling that pretty head of yours.)
He squeezed the side of her throat unsatisfied that she hadn’t answered him. Just enough to scare her, but not enough to have her passing out. She did wonder why he didn’t take it, the opportunity was right there.
 If she were Aemond she would’ve taken it.
“Kepus, kostilus.” (Uncle, please.)
There it was again. that weird feeling, Aemond couldn’t tell what it was. Because it sure wasn’t sadness or guilt. 
 The sound of swords clashing pulled her from the memory, turning her head to the side to see Jace and Luke sparring with one another. Tessarion screeched directing (Y//N) attention away from her brothers. Arrax and Syrax had joined her in the sky flying past one another. 
“Must you two train here?”
She did miss her brothers deeply and rarely did they send ravens to one another, but just as most siblings are; they knew how to annoy her.
“You’re awake!” Jace commented as he struck down Luke, your younger brother groaned as he fell to the sand, his wooden sword landing next to him.
“I was not sleeping and haven’t I told you to be kind to Luke?” she hated how rough Jace could be when they trained, she understood he just wanted to prove himself to their mother and well to the people of Westeros. But, sometimes it blinded him into being too aggressive. 
Walking over to her younger brother she helped him up brushing off the sand that stuck to his clothes, “You sound like mother.” Jace mumbled causing her to send him a glare. Times like this she understood why people compared her to her mother. 
“It’s great to have you back (Y/N/N).” Luke said with a smile, raising her free hand she ruffled his brown locks. It did feel great to be back and to be with her siblings, the next time she would’ve seen them was for her 18th name day celebration.
Jace poked his wooden sword at his older sister, “Why is it that you came by again? You didn’t send raven to announce your arrival.”
She could see the flames growing behind his eye,“Kostilus” she mewled tapping on his wrist in hopes he would answer her plea. 
Swallowing harshly he released his hand from her throat taking a step back from her, as her hand shot up to her throat soothing the area. He looked down at his feet for a second before setting his gaze back onto her, turning on his heels to exit her chambers.
“Princess?” 
Ser Erryk stood by the door, his hand resting on his sword, “It’s alright Ser Erryk, the Prince was just talking about taking our dragons for a flight together.”  He gave her a small nod slowly closing her chamber door. 
“Ser Erryk.” 
He paused for a second, “Yes Princess?”
“Please don’t bring this to the King and Queen’s attention. I don’t want the Queen to think otherwise.” 
Staring up at the ceiling she brought her right hand to her throat allowing her finger tips to trace where Aemond’s hand was. It was wrong, it was wrong at the thought of how it excited her. The way his eye darkened as he stared down at her, how he slowly applied pressure to her throat just enough to let her know she was under his control.
It was truly a sin.
“Aemond.” 
He hummed in response, his hands roamed her body, his lips left soft kisses on her neck making his way to her lips. 
“Skoros iksis ziry bona ao jorrāelagon dōna riña?” (What is it that you need sweet girl?)  she gulped nervously. Leaning forward she tried to capture his lips but he leaned back tutting at her sudden action. 
“I asked you a question.” 
(Y/N) didn’t want to admit it, she didn’t. She didn’t want to give in, but he looked so beautiful. Her body felt hot with need, lust coursing through her veins. 
“Ao, nyke jorrāelagon ao kepus Aemond.” (You, I need you Uncle Aemond.)
He placed a soft kiss onto her lips, she kissed back in need desperate for his touch. He pulled her closer till they were flushed against one another. It was as though he set her body aflame, and she didn’t care if he burned her. Aemond lifted her off the ground before placing her onto the bed.
“Pār ao kessa emagon nyke.” (Then you shall have me.)
(Y/N) gasped loudly, her eyes scanned the room frantically in search of her Uncle. Her nightgown stuck to her body a thin layer of sweat visible on her skin, heart racing as she tried to catch her breath.
It was just a dream.
The next few nights were pure torture. She had dreams of him, sinful dreams. Dreams no maiden at her age should be dreaming, dreams no niece should have on their uncle. The way he had her at his mercy, on her knees as he praised her for her beauty. The way she would have him at his knees, his beautiful sapphire glimmering under the moonlight that kissed her room. 
Knocking softly upon the door she awaited an answer, “Come in.” pushing the door open to her grandsire’s chamber. 
(Y/N) curtsied upon entry, “Your Grace.” Viserys waved his hand “Dear child, haven’t I told you there’s no need for any formalities.” she chuckled lightly, though he was her grandfather, he was her king before that. Her grandfather sat on a chair near his small sculpture of Old Valyria. 
“What brings you here today?”
“Grandsire, may I go back to Dragonstone for a bit?”
He placed one of the mini sculptures back down, “It’s nearing your name day celebration.” She knew he would protest, but he would not tell her no. (Y/N) was his first grandchild and when he sees you he sees Rhaenyra. But not only does he see his daughter, he also sees his late wife Aemma. 
“I just miss them dearly and can’t wait till they’re here for my name day celebration. I’ll be back in time before my celebration. Please grandsire?” He didn’t want to let her go, but he did care for her happiness. He understood that sending ravens to communicate isn’t the same as seeing them in person with her own eyes. 
Little did he know she actually wanted time away from the Prince.
“Are you trying to get rid of me already?” 
Jace rolled his eyes playfully, “No.” (Y/N) sighed lightly “I missed mother, and my brothers of course. Plus she is pregnant yet again, so I wanted to be here for the babe’s birth.” This was entirely true, she just decided to leave out the fact of what their uncle had done. 
Back in Westeros, Aemond grew suspicious of your whereabouts. He didn’t see you training early in the morning nor did he see Tessarion flying in the sky. Wandering about the castle in hopes to run into you. He had gotten up early that morning, he had a rough night's rest. Unable to shake the image out of his head, unable to stop dreaming the same dream the past nights.
“Kepus, kostilus, gūrogon nyke” (Uncle please, take me.)
(Y/N) brought his free hand under her nightgown, dragging it up her thigh till her cupped her cunt, it was wet and warm with need. Asking for him to taste her, to have her. “Ziry iksos sepār syt ao” (It’s just for you.) she moaned, urging him to take action. 
He blinked a few times, unsure if this was actually happening or not, “Kostilius.” she begged trailing kisses upon his pale skin bitting his skin slightly causing him to hiss.
“My prince?”
“Kostilius.”
“My prince?”
Aemond blinked a few times, Ser Criston gave him a worried look unsure of why the Prince was acting so strange. “Let’s call it a day.” he nodded, looking around the courtyard to see if the Princess was around. It was as though her scent lingered on him, taunting him for dreaming of her.
He needed to get (Y/N) out of his head.
When it was time for supper, he noticed she hadn’t taken her usual seat to the right of his father. Halaena seemed a bit puzzled as she fixed her gaze on the empty seat,  “Mother, do you know where (Y/N) is? I promised Jaehaerys and Jaehaera she would take them flying.” his ears perked up at the sound of her name keeping his eyes focused on his plate right in front of him.
“Oh dear, she went to visit her family at Dragonstone.”
For how long?
Aegon snickered as he re-filled his cup, Aemond was unaware his thought was spoken out loud hence why his older brother smirked at him. Alicent swallowed her food, placing her fork and knife back onto the table, “She’ll be back before her name day celebration-”
“Why are you wondering about our niece's whereabouts brother?” Aemond intervened, causing his mother to glare at him for being so rude, the wine was surely working into his system as usual.
Aemond hummed in response, “She just wanted to train tis all.” he mumbled taking a swing of the wine that was already poured into his cup. He didn’t even realize she left, he just thought she fell ill with a fever, or just decided to stay locked up in her chambers. 
He laid in bed tossing and turning letting out a small huff, he closed his eye yet again in hopes sleep will consume him. But every time he closed his eye, he saw his niece. He saw her on her knees begging for him to take her, begging for him, her uncle to take her maidenhood. There it was again, that feeling. 
That same feeling it felt when he snuck into her chambers. That feeling of want and need, something no one should feel for their own blood. 
It was lust.
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junetuesday · 5 years
Text
sweetener - prologue
Lattes and Left Swipes
Pairing: Tom Holland x Female Reader - uni AU
Word Count: 1555
Warnings: none just now
A/N: a little something to get the ball rolling. i’m mildly shitting myself rn so i hope you guys like it!
Updates Fridays at 9pm BST
“Next!”
Drumming your fingers along the counter, you shuffled forwards as the queue moved along in front of you. Your eyes scanned over the board above the counter for a fifth time, hoping one of the drinks on the menu would jump out at you. Ordinarily, you wouldn’t have given it a second glance, ordering the same vanilla latte every time you popped into the cafe (which was much more often than you’d care to admit, but it was right next to the building where you had most of your lectures, and the coffee was decent). Today though, it was much later than usual, you’d already had four coffees, and you were headed home soon anyway--
“What can I get y- oh, hey!” A bright voice snapped you out of your reverie, your attention shifting to the barista behind the counter just in time to see him reach for a to-go cup, already heading to the vanilla syrup pump behind him. “Vanilla latte, right?”
Okay, so maybe lecture hall proximity and roast calibre weren’t the only reasons for your frequent visits to this particular establishment. Maybe there was a certain brown eyed brunette who worked there, and maybe he always gave you two stamps on your loyalty card instead of one, and maybe you liked watching his back muscles shift under his stupidly tight t-shirt while he pumped sweet vanilla syrup into your cup. Maybe.
“No, actually,” you replied, nodding sagely at his perplexed expression. “I know, I know, shocking.”
“Are you feeling alright?” Setting the empty cup down on the counter, he turned back to face you fully, the corner of his lips twitched up into an easy smirk.
“Yeah, I’ve already had way more caffeine than I should have today, and I’m gonna go home and pass out after this, so...” You scanned the board one more time, feeling your cheeks heat up under his gaze. “...just a tea, please.”
“Fair.” Nodding, the boy turned grab a teabag and toss it into the cup before setting it under the hot water dispenser. “You know there’s caffeine in tea, right?”
“Eh, that much won’t kill me.” You shrugged, pulling your purse from your bag as he put your order through the till. You tapped your card against the reader, leaving your loyalty card out on the counter ready to be stamped while he put the lid on your tea.
Setting your drink down, he grabbed the coffee bean stamp from behind a display of brownies and pulled your card towards him. Three spaces remained blank, six already marked with coffee beans and one with ‘10th cup free!’ printed across it. The boy stamped the card twice in quick succession, hesitated for a moment over the last empty space, then stamped it as well.
“I hope not.”
You just smiled, pretending not to notice the way your fingers brushed against his when he handed you your card. Harder to ignore, though, was the way he caught your eye when you looked up from tossing your purse back into your bag, that easy smile still playing on his lips.
“D’you wan-”
Both your heads whipped around as the bell above the door cut him off, heralding the arrival of a group of students. Seeing that none of them were who you were there to meet, you turned back to that smile - only to find it had become tight-lipped and awkward, directed not at you but at the older woman who had emerged from the back room at the sound of the bell.
“Sugar. If you, uh, want milk and sugar, it’s over there.” He gestured off to your right, stepping back from the counter to let the woman take his place.
You nodded as you moved away with your drink, your quiet ‘cheers’ lost beneath the chatter of the students approaching the counter and the exchange between the two baristas as she thanked him for staying late to cover her break. You looked back over your shoulder as you poured a sugar packet into your cup, but saw only the older woman, not a chestnut curl in sight. Adding a dash of milk with a sigh, you replaced the lid on your cup and made your way to your usual seat, pushing thoughts of warm brown eyes and missed opportunities from your mind.
Ostensibly, you were at the cafe to meet a guy from one of your seminars to discuss the project you were partnered up for. You didn’t get a chance to talk it through after it was set, your friend and housemate Liv texting you from outside the room to hurry up before you ended up stuck in traffic trying to get off campus at rush hour, so you arranged to meet a few days later. That was the original, official plan.
However. Things changed when you parted ways outside the seminar room, Liv’s eyes wide and neck craned to watch him walk away. After a barrage of questions (“Who is he and why were you talking to him and is he single?”) and a quickly exhausted supply of answers (“His name is Harrison, we were arranging to meet up because we have a project together but someone kept texting me telling me to hurry up, so we didn’t get to talk about it for very long, and I don’t know if he’s single because funny enough it didn’t come up in the two minutes I spoke to him”), your Primary Objective switched from ‘discuss assignment’ to ‘find out relationship status and orchestrate a social interaction if appropriate’. Because that’s just the kind of good friend you are.
The bell above the door sounded again a few minutes after you sat down, a semi-familiar figure making its way towards you.
“Hey,” Harrison dropped his backpack onto a spare chair at your table, sliding onto the one opposite you. “Sorry I’m late, you been here ages?”
You shook your head, holding up your near-full drink as evidence. “Nah, like five, ten minutes? No worries.”
Your iPad already out on the table with the assignment specs pulled up, you soon got into talking through the basics of your project. Your mind was divided, though, half talking about potential themes and half searching for a segue into Harrison’s personal life. As luck would have it, one came along soon enough in the form of a notification banner coming down from the top of your screen, obscuring the diagram you were both currently discussing.
TINDER Somebody likes you!😍 Swipe right to find out who!
“I hate Tinder,” Harrison leant back in his seat with a chuckle as you rolled your eyes, swiping up to clear the screen. “Like, I use it, but I hate it.”
“Same,” you sighed, mentally noting ‘uses dating apps, therefore is single?’ “I don’t even use it really, I just swipe through weirdo after weirdo until I get fed up and delete it.”  
“I’ve always wondered what a girl’s perspective of Tinder’s like, you know. Like what do other guy’s profiles actually look like?”
“Wanna check out the competition?” You smirked, offering your iPad for Harrison to take.
He clicked his tongue as he considered it, eyes narrowed and focused on the screen.
“Sure, go on then. Know your enemy, right?”
“‘Enemy’’s a bit extreme,” you laughed, switching apps before laying your iPad flat on the table between you.
Swiping through Fuckboy after Fuckboy, Potentially-Cute-If-Not-For-The-Offensive-Bio after Clearly-A-Catfish, you and Harrison were soon in fits of laughter, fighting for control of the device to stop him Super Liking a man who had seemingly listed his age in dog years, his picture showing him to be approximately seven times older than the 19 years he claimed to be.
“You fucking dick,” you seethed as It’s a Match! Popped up on the screen. “Oh he’s messaged me alre-aaaaand that is a dick. Or was. Fabulous.”
Water sprayed across the table as Harrison burst into a renewed fit of laughter, the drink he’d just taken now mostly on your iPad screen, droplets grotesquely magnifying the image - as if it wasn’t grotesque enough as it was. You scrunched up your face, trying to hold in your own giggles.
“I can’t believe- ah, hm,” you paused, trying to regain your composure. “I can’t believe you wasted my Super Like on a predator. Like, what a tragic indicator for the state of my love life.”
Harrison shook his head as he continued to laugh in between coughs and splutters, attracting disgruntled looks from people at neighbouring tables. “I’m sorry, right? I’ll make it up to you. Friday night, I will wingman you with anyone you want.”
Clearing your throat, you wiped the sleeve of your sweatshirt over the screen as you considered the proposition. “...anyone?”
“Anyone.” He nodded, taking a sip of water - and managing to keep it down. “We’re having pres at ours, couple of the rugby lads’ll be there - come if you want? Bring whoever.”
You hummed thoughtfully, pursing your lips to conceal your satisfied smirk.  “Okay, fine. Friday night, you owe me.”
“Deal. I’ll text you the address.”
Nodding in agreement, you slipped your phone underneath the table. You steered the conversation back in the direction of your assignment, glancing down at your phone when Harrison wasn’t looking to type out a message to Liv.
Mission accomplished.
| ONE ⋙
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tags:
@starksparker @bi-writes @softspideys  @thwippeter @cutiehollands@loserparker @madmadmilk  @hollandlovely @spiderboytotherescue@hollandbaby @dtftomholland @cabbagebag @iknowisoundcrazy@spiderman-n @luvnyuh @parkerpuffwrites @thwip-it-real-good@positiveparker @ap93mcu @popculture-parker @bilkyrie @pineapplwz@thequeensardine @hollandroos @mikalaka @awkwardfangirl2014@booksaremylife602 @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @mcuspidey@summernykole @smashley816 @unicorn-princess-1999 @uwu-peter-parker-uwu  @hs-medicine @curlyhairedparker @curlytoms @darlingxholland@smexylemony @musiclover1263 @hueppily @httpmcrvel @therealcap@alwaysafanficwriter @timelock97 @trustfundparker @bon-travail98@babyplutoszx2 @xxtomxo @que-es-life  @agoniedcafe @expcto-ptronum @rosieredcheeks @laucontrerasv @sweet-baby-cakes @mismatchingsocks @rxsesinjune @toomuchdaegu @baebeepeach@killer-barnes @hauntedbysilence @fratboievans  @splashofbi @nicole-lynne@whydidichoosebiochem @parkerindustrys  @parkersvibes @tomsh0land@summertime-acoustic @solarspidey @enchantingkittengaditor @hcneybugs@queenofthefangirls7 @fabtasticass @driftingtonystark@txmhoelland @applenter​ @little-hoseok @mayaisntfunny @toodeeptowake@dangerousluv1 @chubby-cheek-calum @awwyeaahh @aussie-mantle @spiderkat1248 @underoosjae @ultrunning @stormyparker@supernatural-girl97 @petersfreckles @tiny-parker@madeinthemidnightmemories @iamcalledsteph @bellsclarkee@iamscribby519
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jasntodds · 5 years
Note
I didn't know their agreement started so far ago! Even before Jenny and before her boyfriend! I now i understad why she was so upset after telling him! 😓
Oh yeah!! It’s literally been going on (as of chapter 16) for about 5 years (which is also a big my bad thing because I fucked up in the a/n of chapter 1 and put a year instead of 4 so lmao and realized it LAST night) and yeah!! I’m really glad you get it!! I was hoping some people would, honestly!!
Dare You To Move Chapter 16
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hollandroos · 5 years
Text
until I see you again | T.H
Summary: You don’t know when you’ll get to see him again so you make the most of the time you have.
Warnings: Uhhh this is an angel!tom x angel!reader au so please only read it if you’re okay with that au! hate is not appreciated and will only be deleted.
Words: 1047
MY IMAGINES | MY SERIES ✧
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Wings tickle the side of your face and you open your eyes to see little, white feathers. Your favourite. 
They’re nothing short of soft, the most heavenly things you swore you’d ever lay your hands on as you reach up and stroke through the familiar things. Starting from the roots and running nimble fingers to the tips, making the boy beside you stir in his sleep. His lips part slightly and he lets out a barely audible moan, burying his face and tousled brown curls in your neck.
“It’s morning, my darling.” You whisper, lips meeting the top of his head. He doesn’t budge, accepting the warmth you hand out so willingly to him. “You have to get back, can’t have you getting in trouble again.” You tell him, hoping that the thought of being scolded by his superiors for wandering around Earth again would get the angel up.
It wasn’t that you wanted him to leave the comfort that was your New York apartment. It was that you didn’t want him to get in trouble. It was you having something angels weren’t supposed to, empathy, selflessness.
“Don’t wanna go, you’re too comfortable.” He groans, head resting in your chest.
You giggle, black wings of your own fluttering at his words. You always basked in the fact that his voice was raspier in the morning, deeper too and he was always more romantic this early in the morning. Though you did love how high his voice could get when he begged.
“You have to go soon, my love. People will start to get suspicious about you and me.” You wet your bottom lips, curling your legs around the ends of the plush white sheet. The only thing that covered your nude body. “Goodness only knows what'll happen to an angel that dares sleep with a demon.”
You practically sput the last word, only slightly ashamed of your own title – which wasn’t like you at all. 
He pushes himself up until he’s resting on his arms, groaning softly. “I thought we agreed not to talk about that. You know how it makes me feel.”
Guilt washes over you as you remember just how much he hated hearing about the possible repercussions. The two of you had both agreed that it’d remain something unspoken, though it was always there taunting the both of you. With that in mind, you reach over to play with strands of his hair, loving the softness beneath your fingers and you feel him relax almost instantly. Much like his wings, they were fluffy, smooth beneath you.
“I do, but you were out cold and I don’t want you to get in trouble again. I remember how distraught you got the last time it happened.” You tell him, wincing as you remember the night he begged you to meet him on Earth once more after a week of not hearing from the young angel – who was actually around the same age as you. He had hiccuped as he spoke over the phone, salty tears meeting wet lips.
Tom shakes his head, trying to rid the awful memory. Being told off made him feel like a child. “I wasn’t that bad. I can handle being told off.” He lies right through his teeth, knowing that if anyone could see through him it’d be you. His love.
“Darling, you came to me in tears. Your wings were drooping and everything.” You giggle, eyes flashing black and your angel buries his head back in your shoulder. “I spent hours comforting you but I have no regrets. Seeing you smile after hours of sobbing bought me more relief then I knew possible.”
Tom spends a moment thanking whatever force bought the two of you together before he sits up, the sheet slips exposing your bare chest and his, pooling around his waist almost perfectly. Outside, birds chirp and the sun streams in through sheer curtains. It’s a sight you wouldn’t see in either heaven or hell and Tom allows himself to feel the sun on white skin. Warmth melts away his fears, leaving him feeling new again and embraced in both the heat that radiates off of the sun and your fingertips that draw circles on a covered thigh.
While Tom savoured the warmth, he knew that you favoured the cold. 
When it snowed he could find you outside, collecting handfuls of the stuff in bare hands with a grin wider then he swears he’d seen and would ever see. Your eyes would glimmer but not a jet black, no. Any colour but. They’d be wide and bright and beads of snow would sit in sprawled strands of hair. Even rain. You’d stand in the rain in nothing but a tank top and shirts and feel the icy beads shimmy between pure black feathers.
“You’re the softest demon I know.” Tom murmurs, heat rising to his cheeks. He’s practically mesmerised.
“Only for one angel, got it?” You smile, stretching your arms above your head. Two sharp teeth taunt him. “Now as much as I’d love to spend more time with you, you have around twenty minutes to get you and your wings back to Heaven before people come looking for you.”
“I don’t want to go.” He tells you, angelic white wings falling slightly as well as the grin that had previously taken place on his features. “Let’s run away together, you and me.”
The thought sounded blissful. The most self-indulgent idea he’d spoken up since he had asked you to meet up with him this weekend. But apologetically, you sit up to press a gentle kiss to his lips. It lasts no more then five seconds but the two of you appreciate every second, wanting nothing more then to stay there forever.
“I love that idea, my love, but not today.” You smile, giving him a wishful look. It spoke more then a thousand words, telling Tom everything he needed to know. “I’ll be counting down the hours until I get to feel your lips on mine again, angel.”
The once romantic, relaxed atmosphere is now anything but. It’s filled with sorrow for you’re unsure if the next time you see him will be two days or two months. Whatever one it was, you’d wait for him.
With one more hand squeeze, he stands up, tugging a white shirt over his head. “I’ll be counting down the seconds until I get to see you again.”
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this is different [5]
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part one | part two | part three | part four | part five
pairing: college!fuckboy!tom holland x reader
summary: tom makes a bad decision that leaves the both of you with an unanswered question––what now?
what’s going on?: i suppose some angst, nothing else though.
notes: i did a little something with pov in this one-
                                                        [Tom]
Tom looked himself in the mirror one last time. He could almost imagine the little angel on his shoulder telling him to just stay home, rethink his decisions––do you even know what you’re doing?
Then on the other hand—or, shoulder, he could see the little devil telling him to push past his emotions and just dive in head first––This is what’s good for you, get up and go.
He ran a hand over his face, pushing the thoughts out of his mind before switching off the light and stepping out of the bathroom.
Haz walked up to him as soon as he stepped out, “Are you sure you want to do this, man?” he asked, ensuring for the fifth time that his friend knew what he was getting himself into.
“Look,” Tom rolled his eyes, evading his question, “Are you coming or not?”
Haz shook his head in disbelief, “Yeah,” he stepped aside, gesturing for Tom to lead the way, “Let’s go.”
                                                        [Y/N]
You couldn’t remember exactly how Chloe managed to get you out of your dorm and into the raging frat house, but honestly you couldn’t remember a lot of things lately, so you learned to just roll with it.
“I’m gonna go get us some drinks!” you heard her shout before she ran off, squeezing between the sweaty bodies cramped up in the living room.
Deciding it was better not to stand in the middle of the crowd, you tried to follow the same path your friend took, through the people. When it finally cleared out, you found her in the kitchen talking to a boy who clearly didn’t get the hint that she wasn’t interested.
“Yeah I scored the winning goal, not to brag or anything—“
Sliding into their conversation, you took the second cup from your friends hand which you rightly guessed was meant for you and you noticed a look of relief flash through her eyes as she saw you.
You looked up at the jock and mentally rolled your eyes as you saw his eyes scan you up and down. “Some guy over there’s been saying you can’t bench press over 150–“
“What the fuck?” he turned around immediately and started heading back into the party, “Yo Jeremy, quit the bullshit!”
Your friend turned to you, “Did he really say that?”
“No,” you smiled, “I knew it’d make him leave though,” you pointed out.
She shook her head laughing, “I love you.”
“Well look who it is!” You heard a familiar voice say from behind you.
You turned to see a blue-eyed blond smiling widely at you, his friend by his side, a tight-lipped smile on his face. “Haz!” You went over to hug him, “I didn’t know you guys were coming,” you looked between the two of them.
Your eyes glanced over at Tom who’s demeanor had shifted from an open, confident guy to almost stoic in comparison. You tried to hide your confusion as you moved to greet him.
He opened his arms graciously and you stepped into his embrace. You could have sworn you heard him let out a breath as he held you, but he was tense, almost as if he were holding something back.
You stepped away from him and tried to catch his eye but he looked down, shoving his hands into his pockets as he did so. You were about to ask him what’s wrong when he turned to Harrison and muttered an excuse before quickly leaving the three of you alone.
Watching him walk off, you leaned on the counter next to your friend, across from Haz, joining into the conversation.
After three songs had finished playing and Tom still hadn’t made his way back, you couldn’t seem to focus on the conversation. Since Haz and Chloe seemed to be enjoying each other’s company, they barely noticed when you excused yourself to go look for Tom.
                                                        [Tom]
He needed a distraction––seeing you and holding you, he felt whole though he didn’t even know he was missing a part of himself. It was dangerous––you were dangerous.
He left you not even two two minutes after seeing you, what were the chances that you would be at the one place he didn’t want you.
Realizing it would have made the night a whole lot easier, he mentally cursed himself for not getting a drink before running off.
He felt a hand trail down his arm and tensed immediately. His eyes followed the red acrylic nails to find a red-head with hopeful eyes staring up at him. She looked familiar but he couldn’t quite place where from. She seemed to realize but offered him no clues––guess she doesn’t care.
He took her hand and let her lead the way.
This’ll do.
                                                         [Y/N]
Half-naked and sweaty figures were grinding on each other, jumping around as you made your way around the room, searching for Tom. The speakers were booming, you could feel the bass shake the wood under your sneakers and lights were flashing different bright colors as you walked through the crowd.
Someone bumped into you, making you stumble sideways, but you barely felt it. You couldn’t even tell if they apologized. Your limbs were frozen like ice, stuck in place on the ground. All the sound of the commotion and the booming music rushed out of your system and turned to white noise as your eyes focused in front of you. Bodies were stumbling and rushing past, like a crowded street, but you could still see ahead of you, clearly––though you wish you couldn’t.
                                                        [Tom]
His hands roamed her body, running up and down her back before squeezing her waist and traveling down to her ass to do the same. He couldn’t stop his mind from thinking about you, so he thought that maybe if he focused on her body he could distract himself––it was fucked up, and he knew that, but that was a problem for another time.
Just as the girl leaned over to leave her mark on his neck, he squeezed her sides to get her attention, his eyes roaming elsewhere, “Look I can’t––“
He stopped mid-sentence, his eyes widening as he noticed your figure standing there, staring right at him. He could almost imagine a spotlight shining on you, forcing him to focus on the mistake he’s clearly made.
You seemed to regain ‘consciousness’ and with a roll of your eyes, you walked away and the swarm of people enveloped you once again.
Tom clenched his jaw and turned his attention back to the girl in his lap, “This was—fun, but I’ve gotta go.” He helped her get off of him and got up from the couch, pushing past several people in the same direction he saw you run off.  
He found Harrison talking to a friend in the same place he’d left him, with you and your friend nowhere in sight. “Hey man,” Tom put a hand on his shoulder, “Have you seen Y/N?”
Has raised his brows, “Yeah you just missed her, she left.” After a few beats of silence, he continued, “Which I’m guessing was your doing.”
Tom bit his lip and dropped his head slightly, in shame.
“That’s what I thought,” Haz sighed, putting his drink down and patting Tom on the back with his other hand. “Let’s go, mate.”
                                                          [Y/N]
You hadn’t even done anything––therefore you had nothing to be upset over. This was stupid. You had spent the last hour, or two—you’re not really sure, just laying in bed, not even doing anything, just laying there, drifting in and out of sleep. You were just tired. Of what? You didn’t know to be honest, but laying in bed seemed to do the trick.
Just as your eyes were about to flutter shut for the dozenth time, your phone vibrated. You patted your hands all around the bed, finding it tangled in between the covers. Lifting it to your line of view, you saw a notification you really weren’t expecting.
Can we talk?
                                                             ––
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Thinking Out Loud (Tom Holland x Downey!Reader)
Part 7
Thinking Out Loud Masterlist
Previously on Thinking Out Loud...
Warnings: mentions of alcohol, swearing, and cheating. Word Count: 1,264
A/N: This chapter is crappy, but hope y’all enjoy it! 
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You were resting on top of Tom as you both watched Toy Story 2. It had been a month since your first date with Tom and he had taken you on many dates afterward but he still hadn’t asked you to be his girlfriend. You weren’t worried but you did wonder why he was taking so long to ask you. If he had asked you during the first date you would have said yes. You still would. 
You felt Tom rub your back in a back and forth motion, it made your worries go away. You looked up towards him, he could feel your eyes on him. He looked down and smiled at you, “what?” he said with a small chuckle. 
You smiled, “just admiring you,” you said softly. 
He playfully rolled his eyes and leaned down to place a soft kiss on your lips. 
“Whoa,” you both turned your heads to the sound of the familiar voice, “I think I had too much to drink,” Harrison said as he looked at his two best friends that had just kissed then down towards the bottle of vodka he’d been holding. 
You quickly got off of Tom as Tom quickly jumped off the couch, “What the hell, Haz! What are you doing here?!” 
Harrison made his way over to the couch, plopping himself down next to you, “Eliza broke up with me.” 
“Holy shit, Haz,” Tom said as he sat down next to his best friend, “but, you guys just got engaged… wh-what happened?” 
“I came home from w-work and she… she was doing it with her fucking trainer,” Harrison took another swig from the bottle, you took this as your cue to leave him and Tom alone. 
“I’ll be in my room,” you said to Tom as you got up from the couch. Tom gave you a thankful smile as he watched you walk away before turning his attention back to his broken-hearted best friend. 
Tom came into your room about an hour later, “how is he?” you asked as he sat down on your bed next to you. 
“Better,” he said softly, “just trying to sober him up, but I think he’s about to knock out.” 
“You’re not gonna let him sleep on the couch are you?” 
“Well, where else would he sleep?” 
“My room,” you said as you got up from the bed, “I’ll sleep on the couch.” 
“Y/N, no, I’ll sleep on the couch, you can sleep on my bed.” You were about to protest but Tom pulled you in for a kiss, “I insist,” he said as he let go of the kiss.
You knew that arguing with Tom would be pointless, “alright, I just need to change into my PJs and Harrison can have the room all to himself.” Tom placed a small kiss on your cheek before leaving you to change. Once you were done, you made your way into the living room. 
Tom was helping Harrison off the couch, “Okay, Haz, Y/N has offered her bed for the night so you don’t have to sleep on the couch,” He began to say, “and trust me, sleeping on this couch will give you a major hangover,” he mumbled as he placed Harrison's arm around his shoulder for support. 
“Are you not gonna explain what I saw?” Harrison slurred. 
You chuckled, “maybe when you’re sober, Haz,” you said softly as you walked further into the living room. 
You watched as Tom led Harrison out of the living room. You couldn’t help but notice how caring he was towards his friends, the way he whispered that everything will be alright to Harrison, his best friend for more than ten years. Most guys wouldn’t dare to be gentle with their other guy friends in fear of being called out as being gay, but Tom didn’t care. He just wanted his best friend to know that someone cared for him in these troubling times. 
Tom soon came back into the living, he placed a soft kiss on your cheek, “thank you, love,” he said softly before walking over to the couch and rearranging the pillows. 
“You’re not actually gonna sleep on the couch, are you?” you asked as you leaned your stomach against the back of the couch, facing towards Tom who was on the other side. 
“Well, where else would I sleep?” he questioned as he looked towards you. 
You glanced towards the hallway, “there’s room for two on that bed of yours,” you stated. 
Tom looked over at you and smiled, he had thought about it before but didn’t want to pressure you, but now that you’ve suggested it, “that is true,” he smirked. 
“Come to bed, love,” you whispered as you gave him a wink before walking down the hall. 
Tom chuckled, placing the pillow he was holding back onto the couch. 
When Tom walked into the room, you were already under the covers. Tom quietly slid under the covers, you shifted so you were facing him. Smiling as your eyes met his, “goodnight, my love,” Tom said as he placed a soft kiss on your lips. 
“Goodnight, Tom,” you said before shifting once more so your back was facing him. You felt his arms pull you closer to him. I could get used to this, you thought as you slowly drifted off to sleep. 
You woke up to what sounded like pots and pans hitting against each other, you looked over to see that Tom was still asleep. You sighed and got out of bed, making your way into the kitchen. You saw Harrison looking through the cabinets, “what the hell, Harrison,” you exclaimed. 
“Shhh,” he rubbed his head.
You chuckled as you walked over to the fridge, “hungover?” 
“No, shit,” he mumbled. 
“I got the best remedy,” you stated as you started to take out ingredients.
“Which is?” He asked as he looked over the ingredients you were placing on the counter.
“You’ll see, first I need to get some coffee in your system,” you walked over to the coffee pot, turning it on. 
Tom came walking into the kitchen a few minutes later, “morning,” he said as he gave a small nod to Harrison before walking over to you. He placed a kiss on your forehead, “good morning, beautiful.” 
“I just get a ‘morning’ but she gets a ‘good morning, beautiful’? That’s just a new low, Tom,” Harrison said with a smirk. 
Tom glared at him, “Shut up, Haz.” 
Harrison chuckled, “so,” Harrison grabbed a mug and poured himself some coffee, “how long has this been going on?” He gestured to the two of you. 
You had begun making the remedy by this time. You glanced over to Tom who was standing beside you, “since that day we all went to the club,” you said with a smile. 
“A month?!” 
“We were going to tell you,” Tom defended, “we just… We liked the privacy we had, have and we just got so caught up in us.” 
“Aww this is so cute,” Harrison exclaimed, “I’m happy for both of you.” You gave Harrison a smile 
“We’d also appreciate it if you kept it a secret… just until we’re ready to announce our relationship.” 
“Of course! My lips are sealed!” Harrison told Tom. 
“Thank you,” you said before continuing your remedy
“Ar-are you making a bloody mary?” Harrison questioned. 
“Took you long enough,” you mumbled, “the best cure for a hangover is to drink.” You finished the bloody mary, handing it over to Harrison, “drink this then back to bed.” 
“Yes, mum,” Harrison said causing you to roll your eyes.
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