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astridthevalkyrie · 1 year

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standing at the crossroads: chapter 8

Captain Levi is your lover. But more importantly, he’s your superior, and you’re well prepared to follow him to hell if he needs you to. And when people start turning into titans, and every bloody death is one step closer to the truth, hell may be exactly where you’re going.

Chapter 7 | Series Masterlist

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chapter warnings: female!reader, smut, feelings a lot of feelings, penetrative sex, oral sex (f. and m. receiving), creampie, extremely lovey dovey sex

a/n: There are a lot of references to past chapters in this one, I’m curious to see how many people recognize them! But more importantly, this chapter has been a long time coming, and I am immensely satisfied with how it came out. This is it, the climax (ha) of Levi and reader’s love story, the most romantic thing I have ever written, and I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Appropriately coming out on our baby’s birthday <3

Starting the second the sun begins to dip under the horizon, you can safely claim that there will never again be a night like this. That seems like a sad declaration, but it’s not, it’s really just you acknowledging how special tonight feels. One arm wrapped around Ricky’s, you lean against his shoulder as you walk back to the base. You’re a perfect combination of cold and warm, and you have no doubt that the night sky has never looked more vast, nor more beautiful.

After a trip to the graveyard where you both had paid your respects to many, many people, a visit to the post office to send Millie the three pages you promised her, and a short trip elsewhere, you two were finally going home.

Ricky’s sweater is comfy, if a little scratchy against your cheek. You move your head back and forth, trying to find a good position until you pull away and sweetly inform him that his shoulder is bony. He pinches your cheek just hard enough to sting in rebuttal.

Never a night like this, indeed.

“I heard they have meat for us today.” He slings his arm around you. “But you’ve had plenty of that in the past few years, haven’t you?”

“You’re such a teenage boy!” A laugh bubbles out from your chest. “Is that really the best you can do?”

“I could talk about how his missing inches probably haven’t transferred over—”

“Hey now, watch it, only I can make that joke.”

“Understood,” Ricky hums. “That being said, I want to ask you…”

“Hm?”

“I hope that he’s the reason you didn’t do anything stupid just now.”

Some people are brave, facing down titans and evil governments. Other people are braver, accusing you of being stupid of all things. With a jab in his arm, you say, “I kept to our deal, don’t you worry.” After a pause, you also confess, “I hope you did too.”

“I did, kid.” He takes your hand, waiting for the inevitable squeeze before inspecting the cuts that have turned into scars on your palm. You don’t necessarily need to mention that both your hands are alike in that manner. “You got this saving the commander.”

“Very good. Now how about this one?” You cheekily point to one just barely concealed by your collar.

But it doesn’t look like Ricky’s in a quizzing mood. Instead, he traces his thumb over the scar, and even though there isn’t even any lingering pain anymore, you still feel the urge to wince.

“He ordered you to watch over him, didn’t he? Captain Levi?”

Slipping your hand out of his and into the tight fit of your pocket, you toss out your best response to battle the concern in his question. “He’s given me a lot of orders. And—” You hold up a finger before he can interrupt. “The ones that have given me scars are not the ones I regret.”

Ricky looks at you a long while, but you’ve chosen your battles, including the one where you abandoned him—something he still doesn’t know about and something you hope you can take to your grave. There’s only so much repent you could show for something like that. Maybe he would forgive you, but you’ll never forgive yourself. And at the same time, you don’t know that you wouldn’t do it all over again if you were put back in that bloody battlefield. That’s where the real regret comes from.

“Had that cheesy-ass line ready to go, did you?”

“Shut up.” You roll your eyes mirthfully. “I’m trying out an altruistic mindset.”

“Don’t try out things you can’t spell,” Ricky sings, then dodges your fist.

The two of you bicker all the way back, until you reach the mess hall, where people are filing out, looking unnaturally well fed. Hange pats your shoulder, whispering in your ear about an inconspicuous-looking plate she saved on the corner of the table against the back wall. You’re not hungry, but you thank her anyway. Moblit shuffles past too, yawning. With her hand on his back, Hange looks at him tenderly. You hide your smile and let them walk away, together.

Ricky grabs his own plate to go and bids you goodnight, which is when you hear a soft kicking. You follow the source to Sasha, tied up with a gag in her mouth and wide eyes.

Well, it’s not hard to see what happened here.

“They ate it in front of me!” she wails the second you kneel down and take the gag out of her mouth. “And left me here for the captain to find! I got—maybe two bites, Lieutenant.” Her eyes are shiny with almost genuine tears. “And I think one of those bites was Jean’s hand instead of the meat!”

“You think?” You make quick work untying her binds too, laughing. “Do I need to get him a bandage?”

Sasha rubs her wrists ruefully. “I’m sure all the meat he ate after was all the healing he needed. At least until he and Eren started beating each other up.” Your brows raise. “They’re fine. Not sure what it was about, but Captain Levi stopped them before either of them could pass out. He didn’t notice me on the floor,” she pouts, “even though I kicked my feet and everything.”

This time you hold back the laugh. You’ll hope that’s the case and not that he willingly left her there. “The table against the back wall should have a plate with some leftovers. Knock yourself out.”

Her eyes widen. Then she throws her arms around you, crying out excitedly. “You’re my favorite lieutenant ever! I’ll be in your service forever! I’ll follow you for the rest of my life! I’ll—”

“I’ll hold you to all of that.” You grin at her, nodding your head towards the table. “Go eat, Sasha, you’ll need your energy for tomorrow.”

She bounces away, a spring in her step that you hope she never loses.

It’s a very real risk come morning, though.

You’re not nervous. You’re not cocky either. You’re concerned, of course, of such a high stakes mission, but with Eren’s newfound abilities and the way Hange has her death machine running day and night, you have a chance. Just a chance, one that everyone is ready to seize. This is the first official mission since the 57th, and even if your squad isn’t with you, they got you this far. Their sacrifice is the reason humanity even has the opportunity to take back Wall Maria.

And you’re going to do it hand in hand with Levi. There have been worse odds.

When you start walking, your legs navigate, roaming around until they lead you outside. Mikasa’s sitting on the steps, looking up at the sky.

“Need some company?”

She doesn’t even flinch. Clever girl probably heard you coming. “I’m about to go inside, I think it may drizzle.” She peers up at where you’re standing, blinking softly. “You can have this spot if you’d like.”

“Nah, I’m looking for someone.”

“I haven’t seen him since he beat Eren and Jean up,” Mikasa says simply. Your lips quirk. If opposites attract, like forces certainly repel.

You take a seat next to her despite what she said. “Anything on your mind?”

“Just the expedition tomorrow.” She looks at you tiredly. “It’s not too much to ask for a successful one for once, right?”

Blowing out of a puff of air, you shake your head. “No, it’s not too much to ask. But ask me tomorrow and I might have a different answer.”

“I won’t,” Mikasa decides, “I’ll only ask once everything is over.”

“That’s a good idea,” you murmur, lightly ruffling her hair. She—unconsciously, it seems—leans into your touch. “Come and find me after we have Wall Maria back and you’ve confirmed Eren and Armin are alright.”

Finally, she stands, nodding at you, a nonverbal promise. You stand too, now continuing down the steps. Her voice calls out after you.

“Aren’t you going to find the captain?”

“Oh, I know exactly where he is,” you say casually.

“Then,” she asks, confused, “why were you looking for him?”

All she sees is a shrug of your shoulders from behind. “You can know where someone is and still have to work to find them. I think you know that. Good night, Mikasa.”

You step behind the walls in front of the base, waiting for the soft footsteps to disappear, confirming she’s left.

A second passes, and then Levi drawls, “It’s a wonder you didn’t study moral philosophy.”

“Too morally corrupt for it,” you respond brightly, offering your hand. “Are you gonna sleep out here all night?”

“Maybe.” His head tilts up, the moonlight gleaming in his eyes—beauty reflected in beauty. “Would you stay with me?”

Despite his words, he takes your hand and you tug him up. “Of course. Until it got chilly. Then I’d leave you for the wolves.”

He laughs, and you commit the sound to memory. Even though you feel the ground beneath your fight, the night sky makes it easy to forget that you’re standing anywhere else but a large expanse of night, an infinite void that you and he are safe in forever. Up here, you don’t need food or water or even oxygen, just his not so gentle gaze and callous palms.

His hands find your hips and yours find his shoulders, thumbs skimming over his collarbone.

“You’re very handsome,” you say quietly, smiling. “Have I ever told you that?”

Levi presses his lips to your cheek without kissing it. “You might have mentioned it. Why don’t you elaborate?”

“Hmm, I don’t know, sounds like an attempt to get me to keep talking. You know I have a lot to say about my favorite subject.”

He smiles too, you feel it on your skin, and you don’t know if you should thank or scold him for absolutely ruining your life.

It starts to rain all of a sudden, making the both of you look up. The space you’re in provides enough cover that neither of you get wet, but you frown regardless.

“Oh man, I hope this doesn’t mess us up tomorrow. We have enough to worry about without adding muddy roads to the list.”

Expecting to hear an agreement, you turn back to him questioningly when you don’t get one. Levi’s looking at you in a sort of expectant way.

“It’s raining,” he tells you matter-of-factly.

“Yeah. So?”

You know he’s up to something when his lips twist in a sort of cruel way, but you still don’t expect it when he brings his palms up and shoves you back into the rain, drenching you all at once.

Your hands shoot up to provide a useless cover—water drips down your face and soaks your cheeks. It falls from your fingertips and absolutely soaks your favorite generic military uniform. For a second, an offended cry is on the tip of your tongue. Then, you realize that once upon a time, if anyone, even your best friend pushed you out into the rain, you’d have thanked them.

Then you realize your best friend did push you into the rain, and you don’t hate it all.

Levi has an impeccable smirk as he watches you. “Much more natural. Go on, do a spin.”

You’ll do him one better. Reaching forward, you grab his hand and yank him out as well, ignoring his yelp.

“Petty minx,” he bites, once you wrap your arms around his neck, cackling. “Ever heard of being the bigger person?”

“Nope!”

“You’re such a—”

“I can’t hear you!” you chirp gleefully. “What was that?”

In response, he takes your face in his hands, wiping away at every drop that falls even as more come. You’re sure that come tomorrow, he’ll continue on wondering in his pretty head why you are so ready to lay your life down for him.

Reaching out, you run a hand through his wet locks, down to the back of his neck, certain that there is a way for him to get closer.

“I said,” Levi huffs a bit dramatically, “will you spend the night with me?”

“That didn’t sound like what you were saying.”

“Get your ears checked.” When you jokingly place a hand over each of his ears, he tilts his face forward with closed eyes and a pleased expression, letting you hold him in your hands. “Yes or no, Lieutenant?”

You let one of your hands fall from his face down to his fingers, raising them to press a soft kiss to the pad of his thumb.

“How could I refuse, Captain?”

Levi intertwines his fingers with yours before you can let go, and the two of you make your way in the rain, with him guiding you back the long way back in. The water soothes your fears, until your heart beats in time with the pulse you can feel on his wrist. Like kids. you two run in the rain, laughing softly as though you’re in on one of the universe’s biggest inside jokes.

The shivers set in when you reach his bedroom, both of you immediately losing your orange jackets. Levi locates two towels and tosses one for you to wrap yourself in while he rummages through the little drawer he keeps to store your clothes in.

In a surprisingly non-depressing way, you wonder as you watch him, what would happen if you died tomorrow. Would you die happy, fulfilled? Well, maybe not if a titan eats you—an obligatory shiver runs down your spine—but the method would be irrelevant when your life flashed before your eyes. And you know the memory that you would never be able to recall is telling Levi clearly, without any contesting whatsoever, that you love him.

It shouldn’t be a big deal. And it isn’t that big a deal, but it’s still never been said. For years, the matter has felt like you’ve been chasing Levi and he’s been sidestepping no matter how fast you go, no matter how long you reach your arm out. But now it’s different, because for a brief moment it switched, and Levi was the one chasing you, reaching out for you only for you to slip away. It feels like you’ve finally put each other through enough and can now stop running.

“Levi?” you probe, as he finds a shirt for you and stands. “I want to say it.”

It’s such a strange thing to ask consent for, but Levi meets your eyes. You tilt your head, not blinking, holding the towel tighter around yourself like it’ll guard your heart.

“By it,” he says lowly, placing your shirt to the side, “I assume you mean what I’ve avoided saying so far.”

“We’ve both avoided it.”

“Because of me.”

Well, that’s not entirely untrue. “Yes.” You take a step closer to him. “That. Can I say it?”

“You can say whatever you want.” Levi takes a step too, eyes filled with hesitancy. “But…I’d like…to say it first.”

Swallowing, you nod. “Right. Um, go ahead.”

For a few seconds, you stare at each other helplessly. It shouldn’t be difficult, it’s certainly not difficult to think. But you understand, watching his fingers tremble slightly, exactly why it’s so difficult to say.

It’s dark inside, but the moonlight streaming in through the windows lets you read every single emotion on his face.

“You don’t have to.” You finally break the silence, deciding that it isn’t worth it.

“Yes, I do.” Levi comes even closer, and your hand meets his before he can reach too far. “But I can’t. Every time I try, I just remember—I remember…”

Isabel. Farlan. Kenny, his mother, all the soldiers that have died so far. The ache of loving so deeply only to hurt worse. You squeeze his hands.

He really doesn’t have to. Just the fact that it pains him so much to try, because he so clearly wants to, is all the answer you need. Any more would be appreciated, but it’s not necessary.

“Promise me one thing, then.” You pause. “Three things, actually.”

Three rules, if he will. Very much like the beginning of your relationship.

“Tell me,” Levi says quietly, slowly undoing your wet hair and combing his fingers through it.

“Don’t say it if we’re about to die, or in some heat of the battle moment.” Taking his free hand, you rest your cheek against it, shivering at the delightful chills that go down your back from his touch. As you murmur your request, you remember Lily. “If you say it, I want to be right here, in your room, on the bed, and I want you to kiss me after.”

“Such a bossy woman,” he breathes, his way of agreeing. “Deal.”

With nimble fingers, he starts to undo the buttons on your uniform. “The second thing is…about the injection.”

His fingers halt.

“Use your best judgment,” you say quickly, “but unless you absolutely have to and there’s no other choice, don’t…don’t use it on me.”

There’s silence behind you, so you turn to face him. Levi doesn’t look angry, but the tilt of his brow demands an explanation.

“I don’t want to be a titan.” You cross your arms over your chest, meeting the rough cloth of your bra. Your shirt, half unbuttoned, exposes you to the breeze that’s ever present in the base. “I know that it’s…not necessarily up to me, but—”

Levi gets down on his knees, interrupting you mid sentence. Perhaps it’s your upbringing, or perhaps it’s just who you are as a person, but his position doesn’t fill you with the disgust that he’d had when you kneeled down to him.

In all honesty, you think Levi looks absolutely divine on his knees.

“I’m never going to turn you into something you don’t want to be.” He looks up at you, as if in worship. “It’s bad enough that I turned you into something I didn’t want you to be.”

It’s so wrong, to get a thrill out of him gazing upon you like this. To stare, transfixed, at your captain at your feet, not to assist you in any way, not for any practical reason, but to pledge his undying loyalty. It makes you feel guilty enough that you sink down next to him, in your rumpled clothing and pull him into your arms.

He holds you just as tightly as you hold him, and he has a strong grip, but you don’t feel suffocated for a second.

“My bratty fucking duchess,” Levi mumbles fondly into your hair, “what’s your third rule?”

You’d almost forgotten it. Honestly, it was more of a joke, meant to lessen the seriousness of the first two. You might as well go three for three.

“If something does happen to me tomorrow, you have to wait the customary three months.”

Levi pulls back with a confused frown and crossed brows. “Three months?”

“Mmhm.” You stand, pulling him up with you before taking the rest of your uniform off. As you change into the shirt he’s provided, you explain. “Usually I’d insist on four months, but I’m the nicest person in the world, so I’m giving you three.”

“Three months,” he says again, in a disbelieving tone.

“What, can’t rein it in that long?” Once your shirt is pulled over your head, you turn to him with a grin. “Fine, two months but only if you mourn especially hard. Visit my grave every day, leave roses. Only red ones”

“Shut up.”

There’s a slight puncture in his words. You stop for a second, observing him.

“I’m joking, you know, I don’t plan on dying tomorrow.”

Levi rolls his eyes, scoffing. “Do you think I’m not used to your shitty humor by now? I’m talking about this dumbass rule. Three months? Three months before I move on with someone else?”

“Two months if you—”

“You know damn well that even after two lifetimes I wouldn’t be able to move on.” His eyes bear into yours. “And if you don’t, then I’m telling you now. Three months, three years, three centuries. I don’t care. You’re it. There’s no one else.”

Your throat feels slightly dry. “Well, that’s a bit rash.”

“If I die tomorrow, will you move on after three months?”

“No,” you say immediately, not surprised at all by the jerk reaction, “but it’s different. You’re…you. I’m me. There’s a lot of people like me out there.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I mean it! There’s plenty of girls who—”

Levi’s hand grips your cheeks, smushing them together and effectively shutting you up. “Three lifetimes,” he tells you firmly, in his captain voice, like it’s an order. “Three lifetimes, and then I’ll come find you, and you’ll annoy me into caring for you all over again. Understood?”

Sure, you get it, it’s just your heart jumped so suddenly in your chest that you’re powerless to do anything but nod. An unsteady, furious beat plays within, a love that you are afraid of. A storm that blows you away, takes the gift of breath straight from your lips and throws you around, only to shove you unceremoniously back into his arms again.

Wordlessly, you start unbuttoning his shirt, sure that he’ll get sick if he stays in these wet garments any longer. All the while, you feel his eyes on you, as though he’s still silently peeved that you offered him three months to get over you.

It hits you then that you’d really rather not wait three lifetimes for a future where titans hopefully won’t exist. You’d rather grow old with him in this life, then the next, then the next. Irritate and adore him for all eternity.

Never have you wanted to live more than this.

Keeping his top half bare, Levi puts on a pair of expensive-looking cotton pajamas, a gift from you that he’d reluctantly gotten very comfortable in. You admire his back for a second, letting your eyes roam over the only person who you could see naked a million times and still be unbearably smitten by.

You step up behind him, wrapping your arms around him and burying your face in the hair at the nape of his neck. Levi gasps, both from how cold your hands are and because of how sensitive his nape is, but his hands curl around yours automatically, keeping them pressed against his stomach. The sound he makes sends the brewing hurricane in your chest raging even harder. You could stand here forever, in this hurricane, as long as you were in the center with him.

“Ah,” he whines, when you press your lips to the sensitive spot on the back of his neck, “s-stop, or we won’t make it to the bed.”

“That sounds good to me,” you whisper into his ear, “who says I want to sleep?”

“Me,” and that’s all the warning he gives you before he heaves you up in his arms bridal style and tosses you onto the sheets. Before you can even spout your first insult, he’s on top of you, pushing your hair to the side and staring down smugly at his work of art.

One quick rude gesture, and then you lock his legs between yours, flipping him over so he’s the one splayed out on the pillow instead of you.

Levi looks impressed despite himself, as he flicks your forehead in retribution. You pretend to reel back in pain, falling in bed besides him. He’s warm enough for you, but he drapes the thin blanket over the two of you regardless.

“That’s one-zero for me,” you say happily, moving in closer to share his pillow. “(L/N) wins again.”

“If that’s what you want to believe,” he responds, perfectly stoic and condescending at the same time. It makes you giggle childishly, diverting your attention to drawing intricate patterns on his chest with your finger. “You’re wide awake, aren’t you?”

“Too much on my mind.” You draw a daisy, then color it in.

“Not tomorrow’s mission.” He knows when you’re anxious, and this isn’t that.

“No, actually.” Levi’s hand slides under your shirt, resting on your waist. “I was just thinking about what you said earlier.”

His nose scrunches, and you bite back a laugh. Maybe being all romantic causes him to have amnesia, or maybe he’s been so sweet on you tonight that he doesn’t remember which thing you’re talking about. Pushing down the urge to kiss his nose, you rest your head against his chest, a tad nervous to look him in the eye when talking about this.

“Say I don’t die tomorrow. Say you don’t die tomorrow either.” Such high standards you hold each other to. “Say we both live, and then stay alive. Then what?”

Levi doesn’t let you avert your gaze. He runs his thumb over your lashes, then tilts your chin up. “If we both live? We’ll fight another day, obviously.”

“No, I mean, say we get to that cellar tomorrow. And there’s a note that tells us exactly how to get rid of all titans forever.”

“Erwin says the next step is to eliminate threats—”

“The note tells us how to do that too.” No one can accuse you for not trying your best here. It’s hard to make a soldier used to war imagine anything else. “In fact, there’s a magic wand that solves all of our titan problems. We wave it and then we’re done. Then what?”

He laughs quietly, a soft exhale on your cheek. “Are you thinking of retirement? Bit young for that, aren’t you?”

“I’m old enough mentally to make up for my lack of years.” You stick your tongue out, making him snort.

“Oh yeah, you’re real mature. Surprised they haven’t given you your benefits already.”

“An oversight.” You want to kiss him, not just on the lips, but everywhere else, but you restrain yourself for what feels like the thousandth time just this week. “So? If we manage to defeat all titans and other enemies tomorrow, what future do you see for us?”

For us. It slips out before you can really think about it. But what else could you possibly say? You couldn’t imagine a life without him, titans or no titans. What would be the point of finishing this war if you couldn’t wake up in Levi’s arms every morning? What need did you have for anyone else when he was the only person you saw when you closed your eyes?

This is strictly forbidden territory when it comes to conversation. Imagining any kind of future has always been a dangerous venture no matter what. But you think it’s also dangerous for you not to ask. If there’s never going to be a night like this again, then you’ll never know what kind of fate you’re supposed to imagine for the day after tomorrow.

Because maybe the war will end tomorrow. Life won’t stop afterwards, you think, it’ll go on and you’ll create a place in it with your captain if it’s the last thing you do.

Now if only you can convince Levi to indulge you—

“We’ll have a tea shop,” he starts. You meet his eyes in surprise, but all he does is tuck a piece of your hair behind your ear and continue. “The two of us. It’ll be on the corner of a busy street, with a sign that’s not too big, but we’ll paint it in bright colors so people always have to look. It probably won’t be the only tea shop on the block, but it’ll be the best one. We’ll have small tables and chairs set up, and white tiles on the floor that we’ll have to mop down every morning and every evening. You’re not even going to think of touching the tea we make for people, but we’ll serve other things too. Coffee and cakes and plain milk too, even if I have to stop you from drinking our entire supply yourself. I’ll make the drinks and you can serve tables, so people always have a pretty smile with their order.”

Earlier, you’d felt dizzy with the emotions he’d provoked in you. Now, you only feel like crying.

He’s thought about this. He’s imagined a future with you.

Levi’s thumb runs across your lower lip. “Those brats will probably always be coming in to bother us, so you can assign shifts for them to help out. I suppose we’ll pay them for their efforts too. Somehow we’ll have to keep Sasha out of the kitchens and Armin inside so he can supervise. Hange’s not allowed inside anywhere. Your annoying blonde friend can only come where you’re here and it’ll most likely be the opposite for Erwin.” Then, as though he’s thought of something else, the corners of his lips turn up. “You’ll probably give me shit for talking to people, you’re the most jealous woman I know.”

Swallowing down the urge to take his hand and run away, you huff out shakily, “You know other women?”

A snort, and then he asks, “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Well, that’s the future I see.” The thumb tracing over your lips strokes up your cheek, brushing your lashes, like he’s trying to find constellations in your skin. “What future do you see? What do you want to do if this war ends?”

You only think for a few seconds before responding. “Truthfully, I think I’d remain a soldier. There’s always a need for someone to perform their civic duties, right?”

His gaze is downright adoring. “So you’d like to keep helping people?”

You groan. “Don’t say it like that, you make me sound lame.”

“My darling,” Levi says with a fond smile, touching the tip of your nose, “you are lame.”

Yeah, you kind of are. It’s the truth, though. Despite the absolute horror of not being able to save someone, whether comrade or civilian, the relief when you do manage to save someone, or the pleasure of being able to make people relax, make them smile—that feeling is all-numbing, something that says the pain is worth it. And in a world without titans, maybe there would be less of the painful moments anyway. You don’t know, but Maria knows you want to find out.

“But that cuts into what you said, doesn’t it?” You’re musing now, quickly becoming addicted to the idea of a future, as unlikely as it is. “If I’m out soldiering”—Levi snorts, a huff of breath on your skin—”then I won’t be able to help with this marvelous tea shop. Or maybe I’ll work weekend shifts,” you tease, eyes shining, “but I expect a full salary.”

“You don’t have to work at all if you don’t want to. At the tea shop, that is.” You think he’s joking at first, but the thoughtful expression on his face gives you pause. “If you really are busy, you can work wherever you please and just visit. Or we won’t have a tea shop, and we’ll figure something else out.”

Levi shrugs, then, as though he didn’t just suggest discarding a dream he’s clearly fantasized about for a long, long time.

“We won’t have a tea shop?” you repeat. “What, just because it wouldn’t fit my schedule?”

“Mmhm.”

The same part of your heart that cracks at how easily he gives it up thrums in giddiness that he would give it up for you, though you’d jump out of a window before you let him do anything of the sort.

“So what? If I wanted to give up everything to live at the top of the highest mountain, would you?”

Levi looks at you, blinking, not a sliver of insincerity in his eyes. “I would.”

“If I wanted to spend the rest of my life traveling the world?”

“I would ask you which direction to go first.”

“If I wanted to touch the sky?”

“I’d help you bring back the moon.”

“If I…” Your voice cracks. “If I wanted to marry you?”

For some reason, there’s a pause after that one. For some reason, stealing the moon is not as heavy as the idea of you and Levi being husband and wife.

Levi brushes away the stray hairs on your face, cupping your cheeks in both his hands. “Do you want to marry me?”

Do you? Is this a proposal?

No, it’s just a question, which means you can answer freely and honestly.

“I want to do everything with you.” Even things you thought you’d never want to do ever. “Marriage is just a thing, like all the rest.”

There’s so much more you want to say. You want to tell him how you would leap headfirst into a burning building for him, make a fool of yourself and cross the world twice just to see him smile. How he’s the man who gave you purpose, a gift you could never give him proper compensation for.

“Then yes.” Even though you’re in his bed, in a dark bedroom with only the moonlight illuminating you and him, it feels like you’ve just proposed in a field of flowers. “Yes, I would marry you.”

I would die for you, his eyes say, I would die for you, I would kill for you. Your dreams and wishes are my dreams and wishes. I am yours.

And you, the wild child, would tame yourself for him.

You, the loyal soldier, would desert for him.

You, too, would destroy yourself for him, in a world that allowed you to.

And now, the only thought remaining in your lovestruck head is—why wait?

“Okay.” Rolling on top of you, you straddle his waist. Levi’s hands rise to rest on your hips. “Let’s get married tonight.”

His brow quirks, and you know he’s amused. The look he gives you makes you nostalgic, one filled with a combination of amusement and exasperation. “I know I just said I would try to do anything for you,” he says, “but that’s a bit of a tall order.”

“No it’s not. See?” You lean down and push his hair back from his forehead, smoothing your hands over it to make for a presentable hairstyle. As presentable as it can be while he’s splayed out under you in his bed, that is. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.”

You can tell he’s trying to hold back a smile. Even though this is clearly ridiculous, your heart hammers in your chest regardless, almost the same as it would if you really were in a dress and he were in a suit, standing in front of each other.

“What’s after that?”

“Dunno, I was waiting for you to continue it.”

“You’re the one who loves weddings.”

A pout forms on your features. “It’s been a long time since I’ve actually gone to one, Levi.”

He blows a cherry on your cheek, one hand sliding to the rest on the back of your neck. You doubt that Levi has been to many weddings, or any at all, but there is nothing but confidence in his voice when he speaks. “Marriage is the union of two souls, in body, mind and most importantly, legality.”

Your own laugh catches you off guard. Levi’s so fucking funny when he wants to be, you’d forgotten.

“Since this is a very legal union, we have elected not to use any rings.” Now you’ve switched to a very serious face—it’s tough business playing both the officiator and the bride at once. “Instead, we will skip straight to the vows. You first.”

“Why do I have to go first?”

“The groom always goes first.”

“Bullshit.”

“Fine.” You grin, glad he caught your fib. “You have to go first because mine is going to be better.”

Cruelly, his fingers dig into your waist, making you squirm, giggling. “And what makes you so sure of that?”

“Oh, darling,” you coo, resting your forehead against his, “you may be feeling very romantic tonight, but you forget I’m the one with the silver tongue.”

This presents itself to him like a challenge; somehow, it feels so natural to push each other’s buttons even when saying your vows. If you didn’t have him to try and compete with, would anyone even try to provoke you the way you want to be provoked? The only competition that gets the blood in your veins pumping is responsible for keeping your heart pounding as well.

“(F/N),” Levi begins, “You’re a pain in the ass, minx, do you know that? You always have been. Tell me, what kind of person smiles at the instructor on their first day of indoctrination?” The kind that was unknowingly and immediately attracted to him, you want to say, but you keep your mouth shut—these invaluable seconds belong to his words alone. “Not a single day has gone by since then that you haven’t surprised me. I’m always figuring out a puzzle with you. It never finishes, it just gets bigger and bigger. Back then, I didn’t understand what someone so charming, someone who could have anyone on their knees with a snap of her fingers, was doing at the military. It took me a long time to figure it out. I had to figure this out first.” Taking your hand, he places it over your own chest, then his. “You had to steal it for me to see properly. It took time, so much time. I’m glad it did, though.” Brushing your hair out of the way, Levi whispers in your ear intimately, as though someone may overhear this verbalization of his devotion that is only meant for you. “I’m so glad it took this long, because I got to unravel the girl behind the smile, even if it took years. Even if I’m still only halfway done. Maybe less than that.”

You can’t even try to understand how he could think any part of you was a mystery to him, when he’s the only one who knows every single bit that makes you up. Physically, mentally, emotionally, even spiritually, there is not a single thought or action that you partake in that does not have Levi’s familiarity.

“Do you know what I found?” your captain murmurs, still speaking sweetly into your ear. “After unraveling tons of wrapping, after putting some of the puzzle pieces together, I found a girl that was charming, yes, but only after she was everything else first. First she was kind, then she was brave, then she was funny, loud, obnoxious, clever and beautiful—and it just kept going, like the dolls they sell in the market. Except she couldn’t be a doll, not when she was so lively.” There is a pause as Levi looks at you, eyes tender and familiar. “Everyone knows when you walk into a room. Everyone knows when you leave. I know more than that. The good deeds you try so desperately hard to hide, the fears under the jokes. I know all that, and somehow I still don’t know everything. So let me promise you this, (F/N) (L/N).” Your name is a swear on his lips. “I’ll find out more. I will find out more and more, until I know everything. I have met so many people that I would die for, but you are the only one…the only one, (F/N), who I’ve wanted to live for too.”

You’re furious.

Not only did he not promise to love you in sickness and in health, but he ensured that you would never find such basic vows romantic or relevant ever again. Already, you have to scramble, race against the clock to find some way, somehow, to top that. While at the same time calming your rapidly beating heart, which started soaring away about halfway through his speech.

Levi holds you so incredibly close, like you might vanish. In this moment, you swear you and he could change the world.

“Well.” You take a deep breath. “I’m not glad it took so long. I wish we had met before, maybe as children. You’re talking about all these different parts of me that you discovered, but the thing is…I think you created them. Bravery, and kindness, who do you think I learned all that from?” Greedily, you glide your fingertips over his forehead, his cheeks, and his lips. Mine. “Maybe if we’d met earlier, you could have changed me sooner, and I would have gotten to”—Love you so very dearly, Captain—”adore you all the more. I…I always thought I would fall eventually. Or, more accurately, I thought I’d get sick of resisting it, and whoever the next man I decided to flirt with would become my husband. Either that, or I’d die alone, and pretty happily at that.”

His eyes are wide in attention, as though he’s being told a compelling story. To your credit, you’re an excellent storyteller, and he is hearing the story of how you came to be in love with him. Quite a charming story, really—it's pretty cute how you fell for your superior.

“And then…you. Brash, brutish, beautiful you. Took me under your wing without a second thought, when all I wanted was to humiliate you.” Just the thought makes you chuckle breathily, admiring his fond eyes in the moonlight. “I was such a brat. And you…you were so mean, but you had me hooked. I did everything I could to impress you, to make you smile, to make you laugh. It meant the world to me, way more than getting in the top ten or impressing my instructor.” The more you speak, the more it seems like the cold morning is barreling towards you, faster and faster, eager to finish this night for good. Even if you have nightmares tonight, it will still be better than when you have to wake and leave Levi’s embrace. “When I kissed you…Maria, Lev.” Your eyes shut, trying to bring the memory to the front of your mind. “Everything I thought I knew turned on its head. I knew nothing except you. I was pathetic.”

At that, Levi finally makes to say something, but you press a finger to his lips. “I’m not finished. I don’t think anything has changed in that regard. You’re still what I think of before making any decisions, morning and night. You’re at the center of who I am, you’re…”

For some unknown reason, you’re struggling to finish.

“You are everything, Levi Ackerman.” By Rose, you love getting to use his full name. You wish you could have thanked his uncle yourself. “You will always, always, be everything to me.”

A minute passes then; you count the seconds in your head. For sixty seconds, Levi stares at what must be the most precious thing in the world, from the stars in his gaze. There is nothing forced or insincere in the way he looks at you, how…how okay he is with everything you’ve said. And you know that even though it would be so freeing to say it, you don’t need to. You know, you’ve always known, and you’ve never hidden it either. Levi will never doubt that you love him.

Despite your three month rule, you hope that in every lifetime, your name is carved into his heart forever.

Eternity passes before Levi continues quietly, “I now declare you husband and wife.”

You don’t even bother telling him that it’s pronounce, not declare.

You’re tired of waiting.

Mouth dry, you conclude. “You may now kiss the—”

Levi is more tired than you are, because he doesn’t wait for you to finish before lifting his head up and kissing you square on the mouth.

Any worries that you may have forgotten how to kiss during all these deprived months are quickly erased. Your mouth moves against his, and your hands find home on his face, returning his passion with an urgency even a battlefield couldn’t bring out of you. This is bliss. This is living with no regrets. No experience, no feeling, could ever compare.

“Don’t ever,” Levi groans, biting down on your plush lower lip, “not kiss me for six fucking months again.”

“Wasn’t my fault,” you argue weakly, but you hardly know what you’re saying, too lost in how warm his lips are, and how cruel it is that you haven’t gotten to kiss him every day since you’ve met him.

“Was too,” he borderline whines, “brat.”

“Jerk.”

“Minx.”

“Insomniac.”

“Oaf.”

“Asshole.”

“Dunce.” Levi kisses you even deeper, cupping your cheeks and pulling you closer. If your lips aren’t bruised by morning, you’ll be sorely disappointed.

The two of you paw at each other like inexperienced teenagers, almost like—like a newly married couple on their first night, you think with a soft whimper against his mouth.

“Shit,” he whispers, already detaching from your lips to press an open-mouthed kiss to your jaw. “Lay back, let me get on top.”

Without verbalizing it, you know he’s just had the same thought you did. Nothing else could have caused such a desperate craving in his expression. You feel it too, the need to see him come undone by your own efforts—captain, lover, husband, unofficial though the title may be.

“Not just yet.” You place a hand on his chest, not forceful but firm. “Let me do this first.”

Levi groans impatiently, but you know it’s hard for him to protest with your lips and teeth on his neck and your hands on his skin, basking in his shirtless glory. Your movements are quick, but careful—a work of art should be treated like one.

The scar on his shoulder is from a mishap of his own, a misplacement of his sword while he was slicing open a titan. The one right above where his heart is, a very old one, from when he was a child without any memory of what caused it. Above his ribcage is where he hurt himself during his first expedition, after Isabel and Farlan died. And that one, and that one, and that one…

How very stunning they all are.

Something is pressing into your thigh, and you quirk a brow up at him, as if to say this easily? In response, Levi jerks his hips up, eliciting a sharp gasp from you when his bulge rubs up right against your still clothed core.

It’s not like you’re doing any better. Months and months of not being touched, not even by yourself, has you squirming from nothing but slight contact and his stormy eyes on you.

The bed is hot, or maybe it’s just your skin, warming up from the way Levi is placing his palms against your neck, down your arms, at your waist. The narcissist in you knows that he must have quite a view above him. The squealing schoolgirl with a crush in you has butterflies swirling everywhere in her stomach.

“Minx,” Levi breathes lowly, sending another hot spark down. “How long do you plan to tease me?”

“Darling, I’ve barely teased you.” Dragging your tongue over the v-shaped line leading down to his pants, you place a hand over the bulge, squeezing gently. He jolts under your touch, mouth falling open in a pant.

“I count the six months.” His fingers weave through your hair, while his other hand strokes your cheek. You smile cheekily, placing a kiss to his palm before pulling his trousers and undergarments down. The sight that greets you is mouth watering.

You peer up at him, wetting your bottom lip as you take him in your hand. Levi’s head falls back this time, a ragged moan escaping his throat. He’s already hot and heavy in your hand, but you can’t help stroking, familiarizing yourself again—the way he trembles, sensitive, helpless to your touch, makes the six months almost worth it.

Flicking your tongue out, you catch the bead of precum on his cock. A strangled sound tears through him, one that turns into a cry when you open your mouth and suck on the head.

Your eyes close in concentration, and you slowly take more with ease. The pressure feels right on your tongue, to the point where it doesn’t feel like something you’re doing to please him but rather because it makes you feel good.

Resting on your forearms, you wrap your hands around any part of his cock that you haven’t gotten wet yet, pulling back with a pop. In a raspy voice, you say, “Be greedy, Levi. I’ll get upset if you don’t.” When he doesn’t respond—his naked chest is flush, heaving—you slide your tongue in a circle around the vein on the side of his cock.

Levi whines, a slurred rendition of your name. “E-Everything I need is here,” he manages to hiss, “Everything I—ha—want, is in this bed with me.”

You take him all the way down, until you can feel him touch the back of your throat. Levi sings for you then, a symphony of sounds that all beg for you one way or another, more vocal than you’ve ever seen him. You mourn that you can’t be privy to every filthy thought running through his head. No touch, no word, no thought of his should exist without you getting to consume it all.

If he won’t be greedy, then you’ll just have to pick up the slack.

There’s nothing he can grip onto—your hair, the bedsheets, anything—to escape your wanting mouth. You push his hips down when he tries to push up, trying to assure him that he doesn’t even need to ask, you’re more than willing to give it on your own.

It doesn’t take long for him to come, weak jerks against your mouth accompanied only by the breaks in his voice. Levi is out of breath by the time you finish, swallowing and pressing a last kiss to his still warm skin. With tired hands, he beckons you back up to him.

“Still got it?” you ask, eyes shining.

“Never lost it,” he responds, kissing your cheek before molding your lips against his again. You run a hand through his sweaty hair, reciprocating with equal vigor as his leg slots in between yours.

Levi keeps a hand on the back of your head, locking you in the kiss even after he starts to rub his leg back and forth. He kisses you through your whines, demanding that you keep your attention on him even as he himself drives you crazy.

Even when he does finally pull back, and you both gasp for air, he pleads, “Take your clothes off for me.”

Sitting up, bruised lips and all, you toss your shirt over your head. “Now who else would I take them off for?”

“No one,” Levi growls, as though the question wasn’t rhetorical. He doesn’t give you the chance to tease or to pull anything other than your shirt off, pulling you down to attack your neck, clearly intent on giving you bruises to match your lips. “Are you wet?”

“What a vulgar question.” You laugh breathlessly. “Why don’t you find out?”

And he takes that challenge to heart. Kissing you once more, he slides his hand right into your pajamas, moving your panties to the side. With two fingers running down your slit experimentally, he groans at the very quick confirmation that you’re soaking. Levi lathers his fingers in your slick, watching you rock into his touch with an open mouth.

It’s easy for him to slip his fingers out and into your mouth, watching like a man possessed as you taste yourself on him. “Beautiful,” he murmurs in awe. You only flush a little.

“Thank you.” You kiss him right on the bridge of his nose. “You want me on my back now?” Levi’s brows furrow in thought, and he seems far more interested in your breasts than in answering your question. Taking one in his hand, he traces a finger around your nipple. “O-or should I sit on your fa-aace!” Your abrupt moan is captured by his lips as he tugs on your nipple, as you struggle to keep yourself from collapsing on top of him.

Both his hands are on your chest now, while his tongue pushes into your mouth. Your eyes flutter close, wondering if it’s possible to orgasm just from this. The coarse texture of his hands never fails to set your skin ablaze, half reminding you that this is Levi, Captain Levi, Humanity’s Strongest Soldier and slayer of titans who has his hands all over you.

“I don’t need you on your back to make you come.” His voice is hot, and one of his hands trail down to pull your pajamas down, gliding over the curve of your ass. “Sit up a bit.”

About two seconds after you listen, he has your nipple in his mouth, teeth clamping down and sending a painful pleasure down your body. “Le-vi, ah—”

“You’re as whiny as ever.” Soothingly licking over your areola, he starts to rub his thumb over your clit. “Haven’t I taught your patience yet, sweetheart?”

Your eyes roll back, unable to respond, unable to do anything else. Anything but sweetheart. He knows damn well what your weaknesses are.

One of his fingers teases your entrance for a few seconds before pushing in, and right away you know you’re not going to last. Not after so long. There is no one in the world who could fill you up like this from just a finger.

“There’s so much I could do to you,” Levi whispers. Another finger joins the first, as his thumb rubs circles on your bundle of nerves. “If we had time, I would have you stay in bed with me the whole day. And I could make you come again…” The two fingers in you pump in and out, as he sinks his teeth into your neck. “And again…” A violent fantasy blooms in your head—spending your day off with your husband, pushing each others’ limits to the breaking point, until neither of you could bear to move. Not caring about doing what was good, what was expected, but simply the most base, selfish desires that you and he could think of. If only, if only, if only—

“Come,” he requests sweetly.

You do, nearly tearing up from the reverent way he breathes, inhaled through his mouth and exhaled into your soul. You get stuck on a wail of his name, the usual worry that someone might hear you nonexistent because everyone knows now, those who might care and those who don’t. He let everyone know.

Levi swallows your heavy breaths with his mouth, urging your mouth open and your body to go lax against him. He’s clearly satisfied that he did in fact get you to come without turning you over, because now that he has nothing to prove, he gently guides you to lay back against the thin sheets.

Breaking away from your lips, he trails sloppy kisses down your neck and shoulder, heating you up even as you cool down.

“Levi?”

“It’s our wedding night,” he explains, a gleam in his eyes, “surely you don’t expect I’ll be satisfied making you come just once?”

“God,” you praise, letting your head fall back as he tosses your legs over his shoulders. “We…have a mission tomorrow, you know?”

“Tell me to stop, then.”

“Shan’t,” you slur, feeling his warm breath on your pussy.

Levi dives in with your express permission, a deprived man. All you can perceive is his wet, skilled tongue, lapping up your wetness like it’s the last thing he’ll ever get to drink. His eyes are shut in elation, and his hair tickles your stomach as he suffocates himself, your thighs squeezing around him without any form of control from you.

Tears line your lashes. Your captain has given up his precious stoic facade time and again for you, blessing you with this sight. Nails digging into your thighs, leaving scratches that sting better than any sword, squelching sounds from how wet you are and how well he’s eating you out, and, when he finally opens his eyes, they’re blown out and hungry, and they’re telling you exactly who his meal is.

Your back arches, your hand digs into his hair and holds him in place as your hips buck wildly against his mouth. “Lev…Levi!”

The second orgasm is even better than the first, and Levi doesn’t give you a break during it either, softly suckling on your clit as you wheeze and pant sharply. It works exactly as planned, and you squirm to get away from the overbearing pleasure turned pain.

With a gentle touch, now, he runs his hands over your thighs, kissing over a spreading soreness. It should help you come down from this high, but the care only tugs at your heart, confirming that if he wanted to spend the time from now until the end of the world between your legs, you would keep them wide open to keep him there.

Eyes open or closed, hands exploring or stagnant, mouth shut or spouting poetry. You’re not whole if Levi isn’t there with you.

Slowly, he kisses his way back up, humming when you capture his mouth first, one arm around his neck and legs weakly wrapped around his waist. He’s hard again, you can feel it, and if you just…rock up a bit, he might slip inside you with little effort.

Levi moans, void of self control, and pulls back to stroke your hair back. “Do you actually have another one in you? I’m not trying to ruin you here.” Although I could, is the unspoken message. And you’d let him.

“What happened to you knowing my limits?” He kisses the pout off your face. “I need you, Captain. Take me.”

Without any more protests, he buries his face in your neck and guides himself in, inch by inch, until he’s all the way inside you, and you praise every god and every wall that you have ever known. Yes, yes, yes. You’re his. He’s yours. There will never be anyone or anything that can contest it now.

“That’s it.” Your voice is choked up, having never felt so perfectly right in your life. “Come on, Lev, fuck your wife.”

You’re rewarded with a sharp thrust, making you mewl as you drag your nails along his back. “You’re going to be the death of me,” he groans, as your legs press him further into you, “I-If I think too hard about this—about you, I won’t last. It’s not enough, it’s never enough with you—”

He cuts himself off, hissing your name when you clench around him. His every single word is your own thoughts expressed—it really never will be enough. In the unlikely chance you get to spend a lifetime with him, you will still want more. No matter how many times he makes you come, you will always want more, to return the favor until both of you can’t take it anymore. And if he tells you he loves you, you will repeat it, again and again, until the last bit of life finally leaves you.

Levi can’t seem to bring himself to be slow, which you’re endlessly grateful for. He pounds into you, leaving you empty and then filled repeatedly. One hand finds yours and your fingers intertwine by your head.

“Don’t stop.” I love you. “Please, never stop, Levi.” I love you so much.

“Tell me you’ll wait.” A breathy demand leaves him, his eyes staring straight into yours, trapping you. “Tell me that even if it’s a different lifetime, you’ll wait for me to find you.”

Always, always, always.

“I won’t.” You pull him down and crash your lips on his. You taste him, tea leaves and honey and something that is distinctly, uniquely him. “I’ll find you first.”

You know that he’s close. He’d warned you that he wouldn’t last, as though you couldn’t already tell by how disheveled he looks, frenzied gaze and wild hair. Usually, he waits for you to finish first, but you doubt he’ll make it this time. You don’t mind, you’ll give anything, everything…

“Inside,” you beg, when he tries to pull out, “please, come inside me.”

“Goddammit.” His hand trembles, but you hold him steady, not letting go. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Please. Please.”

At your behest, he listens. Your name tears from him in a cry, and you feel him come undone, painting your walls unabashedly for the first time, and it leads you to your own release. He doesn’t swear, doesn’t even whine like you do at the foreign feeling, just repeats your name over and over like a mantra, like a prayer.

Large hands cup your face and he gives you one last kiss, breathing air into your lungs. Your hands fall limp to your sides, but you reciprocate the best you can, sucking on his lower lip sweetly, exhausted but not nearly done expressing how much you adored him, a mission that would end only when you did.

Ever so softly, Levi returns to his original position on his back, and he tugs you on top of him. You fall on top of him, a sticky, sweaty mess, and you rest your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

Never again a night like this.

Closing your eyes, you lie there against his chest, a woman loved. “Tell me one more time,” you plead, “just once more.”

Levi sighs softly. “We’ll have a tea shop…”

#attack on titan #aot x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #satc #superior #valkyrie stories

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