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cripplecharacters · 21 days

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that has a supporting character with dwarfism, and he's really close with his older brother, who is pretty tall. would it be weird if i sometimes had the younger ask his older brother pick him up so he can reach things? its supposed to be a cute little quirk of theirs that shows their bond, but i'm worried it might come off as weird for some reason. also, do you guys could give me a couple more tips on writing a character with dwarfism, if you have any? thanks in advance! (2/2)

Hi! the guy who asked about less talkative autistic characters here. sorry about that! i was going for more of like... don't talk to a point where it wouldn't be considered "socially acceptable?" but i had a character limit so i couldn't really get my point across that well. now that i think about it, that would probably also be lumped into just, yknow, not being talkative too. anyways, i have another unrelated question! probably equally silly but w/e. i'm writing a slice-of-life story (1/2)

Hello lovely asker!

I just wanna say that because of the ask backlog and the rotation of mods I'm afraid I don't know what ask your talking about, but I'm sure it was simply just a question that was in good faith of curiosity which is what this blog is for 😊

And to answer your question, I'm curious with how old the younger brother is. I haven't been picked up since I was probably about five to help me reach something and even then I was getting yelled at for climbing counters and such. If the younger brother isn't a very young child I would avoid this.

Being picked up is a general no. if you wouldn't do it to anyone else don't do it to someone with dwarfism or any person with a disability. Unless it's under their explicit permission, or help with transferring (from say a mobility aid to a bed or another place etc) or life or death situation, it's almost always a no.

Instead using things like the broom handle to hit tall switches or they even have these things called a "Reacher Grabber" that makes grabbing high up things super easy. Stool also are a big help, the small collapsible ones are easy to carry and move, and certain placed handles help too. Tall people are an advantage I will say though. Having the older brother bring something down to the younger brother is fine. Also have the younger brother climb things and stack objects and use the environment around him so he can get what he wants. I assure you this is what most of us do a lot.

A few more writing tips I have would be:

Research different types of dwarfism and find out which one you want your character to have and how this will affect him. It doesn't have to be mentioned at all but you knowing what type will give you much more insight into building this character.

Don't be afraid to give them mobility aids. A lot of people with Dwarfism have them and use them because they help us and they're pretty common in the community. (Do plenty of research there too if they do have one!)

A joke once or twice, especially if the two characters are very very close, about his dwarfism is okay! Me and my friends joke about mine all the time but quantity control along with a joke in good taste and timing is very important.

The character getting frustrated with his disability is okay too! It happens to me a lot but usually I'll find a solution right after to the thing that frustrated me and that frustration is gone as quick as it came.

If he's having a long conversation or an eye-to-eye conversation with someone that's tall, have them sit down somewhere, get to eye-level (I wouldn't have them lean over to his height though). It really does start to hurt your neck and head after looking up at everyone for so long.

And lastly, I certainly use my height to my advantage in multiple different scenarios. Small hands and small containers or spaces are very compatible with one another. And even though I have to shop in the small teens or kids section for clothes or shoes, I will say certain things are made better for kids (for some reason). But I also know how to hem my own clothes and how to fix them! A lot of people with dwarfism make or modify their own clothes. I can't tell you the amount of times I've gotten discounts at buffets and restaurants because people just assume I'm a child and I'm not gonna protest the discount either so. There are many fun aspects to having dwarfism, I have more fun with it and get more laughs and community out of it than frustration or anything else.

I know there's many more little things that I'm forgetting right now but the dwarfism community could probably add a few things too. Good luck writing!

~ Mod Virus 🌸

#mod virus #anonymous #dwarfism

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synthleeius · 8 months

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Tickletober day 4 - weak spot

skipped out on yesterday srry omg. i wrote the intro and then got SO unmotivated it was fucked up but enjoy rhis

Pairing; lee!gwen lee!hobie (PLATONIC)

When people have bad days, they usually don't like to make it known to people. But.. when Gwen swung into the window and slammed it shut behind her, it wasn’t too hard to tell.

“You ‘right, Gwenny?” Hobie asked with a curious tone, glancing up from.. whatever he was doing. It was hard to tell with the mess of mechanical parts scattered across the table.

“I'm great. Amazing, even.” She grumbled, bending down and untying the shoes she borrowed from her temporary roommate.

“If you say so.” The taller shrugged, going back to fiddling with the robotical parts in front of him. He was interested, dare say worried.. but, he wasn't one to push it. Gwen looked back, siding her mask off before sitting down on the busted up couch next to Hobie.

“..What are you doing, anyways?” The spider-ghost asked, staring at the bits and bobs he had. “Stuff.” He shrugged, seemingly a bit distracted. “Did ‘ya wanna talk ‘bout it, then?”

“Nothing to talk about, just.. bad day. Like, really bad.” She admitted quietly, pulling her knees up to her chest. Hobie let out an understanding hum, before wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He was still mostly focused on his little project, sneaking glances at the girl once and a while before speaking up.

“So what, you jus’ wanna watch me? Bit stalker-ish, don't ‘ou think?” The comment made Gwen chuckle softly, rolling her eyes. “See, that's why we can’t have nice things.”

“Whatdou’ you mean by that, huh? You sayin’ that we’ve never had good times? I beg to differ.”

“You're putting words in my mouth!” She exclaimed, shoving his torso with her elbow. Even with the playful banter going on, Hobie noticed she was at least laughing.

“Yeah, and ‘our the one laughin’ ‘bout it, ay? Bit rude I think.” He responded, finally pulling his arms away from his work and pulling Gwen closer to him.

“Yeah, whatever yo-..” Gwen paused at the rare affection, letting a final laugh out before dropping her weight onto him. “Whatever you say.”

For once in her life, she didn't hear a snarky come back from Hobie like she usually would. She looked up with a concerned look, tilting her head. “..Your looking at me weird.”

“Yknow, you don't need to worry about me– wait. hobie, no.” Her worry soon morphed into a giddy expression, shoving his hands away from her torso. She knew that look too well to do nothing.

“I ain’t even done nothin’ yet!” Hobie laughed, holding her in place. “If ‘our not gonna talk ‘bout it, I gotta find a way to cheer you up don’t I?”

“Ihi’m fine!” She assured him, “amazing, actually!”

“That's what ‘ou said when you walked in, remember? Can’t be usin’ the same old excuses Gwendy, cohome out of it now.” He let out a chuckle at the playfulness, his fingers curling up against her sides.

“Hohobie!” She giggled loudly, half from the anticipation and the other half from the sensations. He was barely touching her, too.

“Yeah, what?” He asked, more focused on his hands than her words. His hands laid flat out on either side of her ribs, his fingers gently scratching over the spider suit. “See, this is what I’ve been teachin’ that Miles kid. use your whole hand, not just your fingers. You heard from him?”

“Stohop!” She whined, pulling her hood over her face to end just below her bottom lip. “Come on, can’t just leave me hangin’ like that. Answer my question, yeah?”

“Ihi hahave! Yehesterday- that's so bahad Hobie!” Gwen arched her back away, squirming in his hold, “Sohomewhere else!”

“Is it stop or somewhere else? You gotta pick one, can’t do both can I?” He replied snarkily, but still complied and switched to spider his fingertips down to her hips.

Her laugh died down a bit, but not to a complete stop. “Hah.. yohour hohorible!” She giggled, “evil, evehen.”

“I'm evil? I'm Spiderman. I think I'm angelic, actually.” He said with a scoff, squeezing her sides. “And, ‘our pretty rude yourself yknow. You slammed my window!”

“Ihi didnt mean too! Juhust- cahan you stohop that?” Gwen rolled her eyes, her body repeatedly flinching away everytime Hobie played out the motion of swiping his thumbs up to reach her stomach before travelling back down.

“Nah, don’t think I will. I’m comfy like this, thanks though Gwendy.” Hobie said as if her request was merely an offer to him, before moving up to scratch his nails in the middle of her tummy.

The girl gasped, her giggles shortly turning into a full blown laugh after. “This your spot then, ay Gwen? Ironic.”

“fuhuhuck yohou– shihit!” She whined, her legs kicking out against the arm of the couch

“HohobiHIE! stohopstohop- Yohou fuhuhucker!”

“you fuckkkeer!” Hobie mocked her American accent, “You non-brits have the most shittest insults yknow. Honestly, I’d rather you call me a twat.”

Soon his fingers came to a stop, moving to pull her hood back down to her neck to make it easier for her to take the air in. “You ‘ight there, luv?”

“Yeheah,” She replied, breathy giggles still escaping her. “Thanks.”

“Ay, had to cheer my drummer up somehow right? Can't have you being all mopey now."

#pretend gwen and miles r good #bc thats whats happening in my head ok #i still havent processed the events of atsv #augtickletober2023 #tickletober2023 #atsv tickle #atsv tickles #lee!gwen #ler!hobie #syns stuff

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notoriousmasc · 3 months

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As someone who's written and read a fair amount of stories with fat or weight-gaining characters, do you have any advice on how best to convey fatness and everything that comes with it in text? I'm a very visual person, and there are certain things (like physique, weight, etc.) that feel so much easier to convey in art than in prose. At the same time, overloading the story with attempts to get something as all-encompassing as the body a character has At All Times in every single line or paragraph (how they walk, sitting in furniture, etc.) feels unnecessary and perhaps risks turning readers away.

Any advice is appreciated, if you have any!

i'm going to assume that you're asking this in a sexy way, since i have a lot of people who follow me that wanna fuck fat people either because they're (speaking frankly and without judgment) fetishists, or because they have taste, so i think you're probably asking to convey how to describe the fat appearance as attractive. most of my advice is gonna revolve around that

first thing is that you probably shouldn't bring their weight into everything, that's kinda the same thing that fatphobic people do and even in reverse it still doesn't feel good. it really should only come up during bodily interactions, when describing appearance/feeling on appearance, or if the POV character just really wants to have sex with them. there's obviously other situations where it would be fine, but we could spend all day listing those, so i'll just keep it to my examples

that being said, when you do wanna bring it up, there's a couple ways to have it be natural and not scream I AM REPRESENTING A GROUP or anything like that. this is a flawed method since it can easily fall into infantilizing territory if you're not careful, but softness is a good place to start. even people who like skinny people like softness. soft skin, soft faces, boobs, they're all conventionally attractive things that are still related very closely to softness. when describing a fat character as attractive, softness and warmth as descriptors can make even people who don't find fatness attractive at least see where you're coming from.

in more risque works, the fit of clothes is also a good indicator of describing fatness. personally, i find the little indent of a belly-button on a slightly too small shirt really attractive, but other things are also good to write wrt fatness. the way the chest pushes up against a shirt, the fit of sleeves, butts, stuff like that is all a good visualizer of a person's size in a way that's attractive and natural-seeming

the last thing i can think of is probably just to like... not be coy? no one's going to kill you for saying a character has a big belly, and only reactionaries on either side would be mad at that being described as attractive. my man brennan has done both ends of this where he described alejandro in tuc as "extremely rotund", being vague, and an NPC in calamity as a "handsome man [with a] big stomach". it seems to be a very popular thing in YA romances that happen to have a fat love interest where they'll just kind of like, immediately switch to the fat one's POV during intimate scenes so that they don't have to describe someone finding a fat person attractive -- don't do that. you can be very upfront about what someone's body looks like. it's fine.

here's a piece of erotic fanfiction that goes about all of this very well. i'm not into wwdits, but like, yknow.

also, if you do wanna use a euphemism; if you describe a man as having "wide hips", people are gonna assume you mean he's fat. that's about all i've got in that department lol

#asks

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theoneandonlyneonleon · 1 month

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Wouldn't trade this for the world

wowee I wrote something 😍😍

Tsym @amorvincitomnia-14 (my lovely wife 💕💕💕) for the request

gn!reader x r!Leo

1,033 words (ik its not a lot, but its good and I like it so suck an egg)

Reader is stressed and overworked so Leo decides to help

No particular warnings, just some fluff <33

"Argh! I *have* the right formula, *why* aren't I getting they right answer??" You groan in frustration. You were on your fourth hour studying- or was it your sixth? Either way, you'd been here a while. The school library was almost becoming a second home to you. Your friend April speaks up, watching as you slump against the table and bury your face in your arms. "Yknow, you don't have to spend *all* your time studying- you could..... Take a break? Eat something? Spend time with people other than your study group and these ancient textbooks? Yknow, normal healthy people stuff?" You sigh, looking up at her from your arms. "I can't take a break. Not with exams right around the corner! If I wanna pass them, I *have* to study." You turn your attention back to the textbook, determined to figure out how to solve this equation. April closes the book. "Your brain can't work under all this stress Y/N. You *need* to rest. Why dont you stop by the lair? Leo won't stop whining about how much he misses you." Hmmmm.... It *had* been a while since you saw your boyfriend- or any of the turtles for that matter. Maybe a break would serve some use... "I'll think about it" you say, reopening the thick heavy book to the right page. April sighs, shaking her head as she grabs her backpack. "Alright then Y/N. See you around." With that, she exits the library. Now its just you, your notes, and a whole lotta studying.

˚⊹♡2 hours later♡⊹˚

God how long have you been here? You're starting to despise that familiar library smell of books and old lady perfume. You look at your phone to check the time. 10:13?? Damn..... You've been here a while.... You set your phone down and lean back in your wildly uncomfortable plastic school chair, exhaling a breath. You should probably go home. You load all your books and notes into your backpack and sling it over one shoulder, before immediately switching it to the other side. Thank you shoulder pain. You slide your phone into your pocket and exit the library out the back. As you step outside, cool air, a nice contrast to the hot stuffy library, hits you in the face as you stand and take a breath. Starting your commute back to your apartment, you put your headphones on and turn on some music. By the time you finally reach home, exhaustion clings to you like a thick heavy cloud. Man, you've been working a lot haven't you? Your phone pings with a text message from Leo; with all the studying, you've barely spent time with him. 💙Leo💙: 'Mi amor, I miss you 😢 Would you be up to hang out?' On one hand, you would *absolutely* like to spend time with him! But on the other, youre exhausted and overworked and just need a nap. You: 'I'm sorry babe 😟 I've been studying for exams all day and I'm just really tired 😞 I promise we'll spend time together at some point though' You send the text, knowing you're about to disappoint the nicest boy in the entire world; but you you're too tired to care. You change into something comfy; sweatpants and a t-shirt you "borrowed" from Leon; and head to the kitchen to get a glass of water. You return to your room, setting the water on your nightstand before climbing into bed and switching off the lamp. You get to sleep for some 30 odd minutes before you're awoken by a knock on your window. You sit up and turn on the light, your eyes taking a moment to adjust to the light. Looking at the window, you see none other than the one and only Neon Leon standing on the fire escape outside your window, waiting to be let in. Somewhat reluctantly, you pull yourself out of the soft warm embrace of bed and blankets to open the window, chilly air blowing in and pricking goosebumps on your arms. "Is that my SIX shirt? Ive been looking everywhere for that" Leo asks as he climbs in, bringing a plastic grocery bag in with him. "Thought I told you I was too tired to hang out" you say as you shut the window. "Youre dodging the question" he teases; "And I figured if youre too tired to come and spend time with yours truly, id come and be tired with you." He smiles at you, setting the bag on the bed and digging through it. "I got your favorite snacks, candies, that tea you like, and I even nabbed Donnie's laptop so we can watch something! And if you're not up for watching a movie, we can just sleep together. Well not *sleep together* sleep together- like- snuggling and napping together- yknow?" You can help but chuckle at him. He's such a dorky loser; but at least he's *your* dorky loser. You hug him, burying your fave in his neck to take in that familiar scent of peppermint sticks and black cherry merlot soap. "You're so amazing," you say, kissing his cheek and stepping back to look at him; "And it is your shirt" You smile cheekily as he scunches his nose and squints at you. "Why you little- that's my favorite shirt!" He says in faux outrage, bringing in the dramatics (something he's rather good at). "Thats why I took it. You wear it the most, so it smells like you" Leo can't help but blush. "You like my smell?" "Course I do. Makes me feel like I'm with you, even when I'm not." He wraps you in a hug, planting a sweet kiss to your lips. "Well I'm here now mi amor"

˚⊹♡-♡⊹˚

The rest of the night is spent lying in bed with Leo, sipping raspberry tea, and watching the Great British Bake Off. You eventually end up falling asleep cuddled up next to him with his arm wrapped around you, holding you close in a warm embrace and god were you lucky to have a boyfriend like him. As you lay sleeping next to him, you know you wouldn't trade this for the world.

❀⋆˚✿˖°˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .-. ° . ᡣ𐭩 °˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚ ₊‧⁺˖°˖✿˚⋆❀

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sugar-omi · 6 months

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do you have any hc for mc's who are blind or deaf? I'd send a request but I don't wanna pile up your already full inbox.

don't worry about stuffing my inbox!! i love seeing how many of you like to share your thoughts or have smth you wanna talk abt, or want me to expand on something you're thinking about, all that stuff, i love it its great

Fluff ofc, headcanons, blind or deaf mc/reader

i'm assuming you wanna ask on how the boys are with a blind or deaf mc

n they're all so sweet, n so helpful so i know it goes without saying if you need help bc of your blindness he'll help you walk through say a crowded place

and if needed, they'd help communicate for you

like I've seen deaf/HOH people say they struggle to communicate their wants at the nail salon (this one girl says she mostly gestures or shows pictures of what she wants, n in one video she said the nail tech misunderstood what she wanted)

so if you're worried about messing up, or being a bother, or anything like that, he'll come join you n help you communicate what you want

(yes he's right next to you getting his nails/toes done, ends up looking forward to the trip every time)

but omg i started thinking abt step 1 and... yk cove was going through it, and he can be stand offish or selfish (for lack of better word)

but i imagine if you, despite your blindness/deafness and whatever struggles that brings you- (especially if its a hurdle in trying to befriend cove)

- you try to accommodate and include your new neighbor in your summer activities

ofc he warms up to you, and he starts accommodating you too

i can see him writing or signing for you if needed (if you use sign to communicate, i'm sure he'd try to learn sign, even if its just the basics)

now this applies to any of the boys, but assuming you are totally blind, or have any form of impairment that blocks part of your vision or shrinks it

(i'm thinking abt this youtube couple where 1 of the husbands can only see through a very small hole in his vision, can't think of their name rn, and when i figure out their name or the name of his blindness i will come back!!!)

*found the channell!! "matthew and paul official"

*FIGURED OUT THE NAME OF HIS BLINDNESS!!! its retinitis pigmentosa

whatever type of blindness you have, won't stop them from showing you stuff or doing stuff with you

i can see him putting something in your hand or bringing your hand up to touch something so you can get the feel of it.

or if it's something he has he wants to show you, of course he patiently waits for you to analyze it n get the full visage like Paul does in this video here, where his husband asks if he's seen his face

or he'll describe it to you..

baxter would use such fancy, big, and/or poetic words that it's easy to imagine it, and you can't help but imagine it being better than it is but you have to laugh bc of his grandeur, its quite funny

(no matter what he saw, he'd definitely floof something up, you being blind or not. he's funny like that)

cove would feel pretty awkward bc he's shy, yknow how he is. but he always does his best to tell you how something looks and tries to share the sight, especially if it's something beautiful

derek is very animated, moving his hands and even moving your hands to help you envision it if it's something really grand. he's so excited to share what he saw (would also do this even if you aren't blind, i think he's very excited to share his sights n memories)

omg i didn't think about this until i found that channel i was talking about, but i can see the boys pulling breaks on you like how matthew does to paul (paul is the blind husband, just for those who haven't seen their videos)

very harmless pranks of course, like this one: where matthew switches his chips n dip, or this one where matthew puts pengroom plushies in the fridge

i love them they are so cute

now if you think your blindness is stopping baxter from asking you to dance, you are very wrong

he won't do elaborate spins n dips if you don't want to, won't do anything you don't want of course.

but he'd be very willing to slow dance or do the salsa or whatever you want depending on your comfort

could totally see him, when you're reconnected n dating (or friends ofc), putting on music n a song comes on he rlly likes n he pulls you into a little dance

takes your hand n ask if you wanna dance, or he'll be badly singing and he'll shake his hips n wave your intertwined hands in the air... jfc just imagine his big smile. pls he's so cute

ohhh cove showing you his shell collection, letting you touch every shell and carefully puts them in your hands, tells you the lovely colors they're in if you can't see em

or pulling you into the ocean, doesn't have to be far, just enough to get your feet wet. and he'll walk w you down the shore and he enjoys it as always

now I just looked it up. n there's several sports blind ppl can play in, and football n soccer is one of em (not sure the details)

so if you wanna play ball with derek, he's very happy to find out you can play together

again, depending on your type of blindness/impairment, he's happy to go to the amusement park with you n get face painting

no matter what, it thrills him I just know it

especially since you're probably holding hands/locking arms, the place is crowded and even more so at certain times and days

step 2 derek is very flustered to be so close, bc he's still holding his crushes hand/locked arms, even if he's helping you go through the park safely, he can't help being a bit happy about the proximity

jfc this spiraled so bad LOL i didn't think i had much to say but this stuff is actually so cute, just imagine it <333

#olba #cove holden #derek suarez #baxter ward

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minimoefoe · 9 months

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first attempt at crocheting the doctor!

(progress pics and thoughts under the cut)

I feel like overall, for a first attempt, I kinda killed it but I have many thoughts about what I wanna do better/different next time and uh imma just list them all here bc I want to kinda document my progress/ideas and this is the easiest way to do it..

I did the hair last and I'm tryna figure out if that was a mistake or not. bc while it's mostly pretty easy, it's very boring and I wanted to just speed through it to get her completed which resulted in me kinda speed cutting it and it ended up not looking That amazing. next time I'm defo gonna force myself to just be chill with it and take my time. I also think I need to space out rhe hair at a certain point bc it's very bulky and I didn't even completely fill in the back of the head

I think the shoes are different sizes which.. idk how or why. I guess I just didn't count right and apparently I'm blind bc I coulda sworn they were the same size when I compared them. Future me needs to count!!

The socks look decent from the front but they are literally chains wrapped around the leg and tied at the back so the back is... kinda a mess. Think I want to try and actually crochet the leg in sock colours next time instead of attaching it

The trousers are slightly big but they mostly work okay. Especially with the shirt tucked underneath and the suspenders kinda holding them. I think if I made them smaller there was a chance they'd be too small but I might try it next time just to test it

The suspenders are kinda good kinda meh. I kinda want to make them thicker than just a chain but I think it looks okay as they are, it's just attaching them better that I need to figure out bc it's a bit of a mess.

The tshirt is probs the worst thing going on here other than the hair bc obviously the stripes are shocking (which is all on me bc I winged it and honeslty it was going well at first but then bc of the way the stitches are at a certain point it got kinda fucked up). I think I'm gonna have to just try a couple of different things for the stripes and see what works best. atm I'm thinking I could just do a strand or two of yarn attached at each end of the shirt (or maybe wrapped the whole way round) rather than the weaving in and out that I did here

as for the actual t-shirt itself, it's far too big. the back of the shirt is pulled together to make it less baggy. I think I can just lessen the number of stitches in the tutorial I followed and it should hopefully be fine. might have to do a couple of attempts to really figure it out tho. I should also check the tutorial for the shirt that's actually for this doll bc the tutorial I folloeed was for a different doll which I'm sure didn't help (but the reason I ended up using a different onein the first place is bc the other tutorial for clothes that they had were just needlessly complicated so when I found a good trouser pattern I just stuck with them and did their shirt pattern too)

I like the idea of making the shirt so that it can be taken on and off and be switched with different shirts so that's something I also want to look into figuring out. And if I do that, I would need to make the arms of the doll white bc with 13's short sleeved shirts she always has a white long sleeve underneath and I wanna get it as accurate as I can

Currently I don't have plans to do a coat bc its jsut extra work I cba with (and also I prefer coatless 13 anyways) but at some point I might try and figure something out. Also might do the prison outfit at some point but it's not a priority rn

I think my next plan of action is to literally just make a new base doll (or two) and then start making pieces of clothes to put on them as practice. and I say or two bc if I make one shirt and attach it and then have ideas for making it better, I'll be able to just do that straight away bc I'll have a base doll ready yknow. I also bought a ball of yarn that I intend to use for a 15th doctor doll, but idk what outfit of his I wanna do yet. I'm thinking the organe one but the stripes on 13's shirt were a struggle so I feel like the stripes on 15's orange shirt will be a nightmare. we'll see I guess. will probs make the base doll soon

#nat knits #thirteenth doctor #doctor who

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blockgamepirate · 3 months

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If I'm entirely honest, even if I get that all fandoms love angst, I find it kinda tiring, especially when it comes to MCRP, because I got into MCRP partly to get away from the angsty shit. And that's still what I tend to want from it, and it feels like the perfect medium for more lighthearted and tongue-in-cheek stuff, because it's so inherently goofy lbr, but I guess people just love angst so much that they just gotta make everything about the angst

Not that I can't appreciate the angst too, sometimes, but there's been so much of it on QSMP lately. This is what frustrated me about DSMP too, when it just kept getting angstier and angstier and bleaker and bleaker...

I mean it's not that I think ALL MCRP has to be lighthearted, I would never wanna arbitrarily limit any medium like that, it's mostly just me being frustrated with the general tendency where I get into some series because it's funny and lighthearted but also has a cool story going on, and then inevitably it ALWAYS seems to get super angsty and often lose the things that made it appealing to me in the first place. I used to get this a lot with webcomics and now I'm getting it with MCRP

Jungryeok's introduction yesterday was a breath of fresh air tbh, didn't need to worry about any of the angst for several hours, just people chilling and having fun (even tho I was kind of overwhelmed too lol)

I'd like to enjoy Phil's streams the same way, and he does generally do his best to keep things lighthearted (even when it's his own angst he tends to not take it very seriously), but the angsty storylines keep intruding on his chill vibes too, you can't chill when you know what's actually going on in other POVs

(also the FOMO is too strong, I ended up watching Bagi and Tubbo instead of Phil yesterday because I wanted to know what happened and then I also kept checking in on Bad's POV when I realised he was live etc. I know that's my own fault, I should just not watch them when they're being angsty if I don't want angst but I still care about the characters and the story orz)

(And I want to check the tags on Tumblr and I want to see what other people are posting about QSMP, but the angst is even more impossible to avoid in fandom spaces, also it makes you very conscious about how people feel about Phil and his character so then you're even more stressed out when you watch his streams because any time he says something because he doesn't know any better or because he's assuming that the server is primarily meant for fun and not to be taken overly seriously, you know people are gonna rant about it, and then you have to once again quarantine yourself from the fandom to avoid being annoyed, which is boring)

It's the same problems I had with DSMP...

This is why I should become a Hermitcraft main again tbh

But at the same time I can't get the multilingual experience on Hermitcraft, I remember the other day seeing Iskall and Keralis talk and I found myself wondering for a second why they weren't speaking Swedish to each other (dw I did realise it very quickly lol) because I'd gotten so used to seeing people switching languages based on who they were talking to

The language stuff is 100% what I would miss the most if I dropped QSMP

I mean I would miss the roleplay too, I do enjoy the roleplay. And the eggs. And the characters in general. But yknow, there's other roleplay series out there, the multilingual aspect is harder to find

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adelle-ein · 1 year

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going to start posting wips here instead of twt. i want to draw more group scenes and backgrounds and just generally be more ambitious, even though my main focus is and always has been improving how my people look i wanna get better at everything. this is an idea i thought of for an anniversary drawing and i decided to just go ahead and do it now

also soft-painting-small looks bad at big sizes huh maybe that's. why it's named that (i don't have a go-to sketch/line brush in krita i just keep trying different things)

anyway i used csp more again in the last month bc a) i had a new ssd and Could b) still adapting to krita and it was stressing me out and i was trying to improve my anatomy and struggling bc learning to use krita was slowing me down. but being reminded of how much celsys sucks and how i need to not rely on csp sticking around made me start working on adjusting to krita again

thoughts on that below the cut (rambly and definitely not of interest to anyone who isn't also extremely interested in digital art programs)

like i said my main motivation in making the switch: celsys sucks and is untrustworthy. krita's excellent filter variety and way way better brush engines and amazing paintbrushes are huge incentives also though and i think given time and money and support it could easily outdo csp.

csp has so many impressively flashy features that i just...did not use or find useful in application. like the 3d models - couldn't get them working at all on my old computer and then when i could on this one...they're hard to pose, finicky, don't look as good as similar modeling programs, etc etc...i just did not end up using them much and when i did i didn't really know how and they often made things look worse. really they were only good for doing like. fashion poses for outfit design when i didn't want to spend time on the anatomy. vector brushes didn't work for me at all and just made my lineart look really stiff and uglier than ever (and then i decided to ditch lineart altogether which. smart move i think bc it is not my friend.) basically csp has loads of what look like incredible time saving features on its homepage etc, and then in actual execution i didn't really find any of them practical to use. *paul hollywood voice* all style no substance

ANYWAY all of that being said the only things i really miss from csp are the one click export buttons, the change layer to drawing color button, and finally and most of all just the general performance and practicality of it. csp is designed for a reasonable newbie to pick up and use. not quite as much so as like sai or medibang but pretty accessible. krita is just. not. at all. probably the hardest of these programs to learn from a technical standpoint. it just has SO MUCH and is generally made by and for people with above average tech skills which can make it more confusing. like the way layers and groups work is fundamentally different from the common, accepted way ps/csp/sai/everybody uses. and sure maybe alpha inherit is technically Better than clipping masks but it also makes things more challenging and less accessible. very linux design yknow. it is harder to just open krita up and Use It without looking up how to do specific things, it is harder to get away without reading documentation and watching youtube tutorials and memorizing keyboard shortcuts, you need to know how layers work and how to cut down memory usage in a file, basically you can't cut corners in learning krita like you can with similar programs (esp if you are like me and have been playing in said programs since you were. maybe 4)

and of course all that being said krita is a small dev team making an open source free product, whereas celsys adobe etc have massive teams and $$$ at their disposal so of course it is not apples to oranges and this is not a criticism of the krita foundation, just that it makes the product harder to learn and use and i get why people are turned off by that. i'm turned off by it! and all this hinges on your pc even running krita because it is more demanding than most (in most cases i've seen at least. definitely seen some people say they have issues with csp and can run krita, computers weird.) but it sucks that a few features are prone to issues no matter what. as cool and intriguing as so many of the features are...gmic plugin is crashy and liquify tool just lags to the point it's unusable. :(

but i don't want to end on a negative note and make it sound like i hate krita, krita's great, it's just never felt quite as natural as sai and csp have in the past so that makes things more uphill with it. but i'm trying. and trying to get over my Very Bad Social Anxiety to post on krita-artists and ask for help from *shudders* Knowledgeable Strangers when i don't understand things

anyway uhhh krita is hard and art is hard but i think it'll be worth it and also fuck celsys

#txt #lacewip #looking at this now seth's face is Wonky #i will work on that #no matter how i draw him elvis's head always feels weird

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tommy-trusty · 2 years

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Hi one of my friends asked abt prime so here's an infodump abt it <3

Basically prime is the worship of twitch prime, primes take away money/fortune from Bezos (all mighty evil) and brings this fortune down upon us through the primers, they provide the primes, but we don't worship the subscribers we worship the prime itself. Walking along the prime path is one way to accumulate primes, its worth noting though that this could go with any place, it has to do with the continuous prayer on the prime path in the past that remains in its memory (essentially we've asked for primes so hard on the path before that at this point you get them just by walking on it. It's not just about the location though, which is why switching out the material is bad.) Bells are also important for summoning primes, you can think of them as awakening the twitch followers (aka the potential primers, theyre your patrons) and reaching to them for their support, it's like a less metaphysical notification bell that is aimed for the followers which are closest to you as you ring it, to draw them in and ask for their primes.

Prime as a whole is in everything, it is everywhere- it is stronger in some places yes, but the ability to access it lies entirely within YOU. A broken spirit is the only thing that would cause one who believes to feel that prime can not reach a location- it can, it just requires your strength to keep asking for those primes baby! That's why I usually start my prayers with something like "prime above, below, beside, and beyond" because it just emphasizes the full extent of prime, and also if we wanna talk abt the primers, how easy it is for them to prime! Like I said tho the religion is about prime not the primers, so unless you're asking for primes, when u reach out to prime you're reaching out to prime itself, not your followers.

the religion involves behaving in a very strict manner while on religious grounds, no violence, no horny, just yaknow no anything not allowed under TOS. These rules are looser outside of the holy grounds, but still very present in a less strict manner. Holy water obviously was a thing, You'd cleanse urself under holy water and prayer from evil shit tho u didn't encounter that much religious evil shit day to day. Other than that the symbols of prime were mainly the eyed cross (the eyes r ur followers, hi!) bells bell and purple

In the dream smp prime was much bigger than any of us, it was holy and bright but full of so many details that we couldn't understand the origin of, yknow? But prime has taken us and pulled us behind the curtain, and through the light of twitch we can see how prime as a religion is so much bigger than it seems, and what divine visions we saw in its founding were actually connected to a sprawling web of many different universes and streams. Obviously I'm not saying this is heaven or that the twitch in this world is what was literally going on behind the scenes of the prime religion, but it's still an interpretable insight on the religion regardless.

The "founders" of prime on the dream smp are not the founders, prime existed already we were just given the vision of it. Also of the founders of church prime dream smp, one defected from the religion entirely (dream, he basically just stopped searching for primes and started sinning like crazy) and one is tubbo so clearly not exactly the perfect image of holiness (me and quackity r fine tho, me and big q grew apart so who knows if he continued worship but he at the very least wasn't a huge sinner who didn't take care of his followers or anything like that)

This isn't as much about the religion it's more just gushing but the church was genuinely beautiful, brilliant white pillars and walls, the worship room was small and the benches were a bit dipped in from use (in a good way, made em more comfy) and god it felt so powerful to just slam on the bell with whatever u had or the stick thingy next to it, it was amazing. Golden bell, so beautiful, i loved standing up there and leading the church, it was my absolute favorite. The lighting in the church was so nice, the sun shining through purple stained glass and basking the whole church in heavenly light and color, the holy water almost glowed in that sunlight, it was perfectly clear and sparkly and under the light it took on that light purple color, beautiful clear water toned with prime yaknow. Prime it was so beautiful.

Not everyone wants to actually read the TOS I realize so here's a summary

1. Follow the community guidelines FULLY in holy lands, otherwise it's sort of a loose guide, u can especially break tos if it's funny /srs.

The community guidelines is basically just: follow the law, do not commit violence, threats, or serious encouragement of dishealth to you or others, don't be a bigot, respect privacy of yourself and others, don't impersonate ppl (once again, very ok for the bit outside of church), no misinfo that risks others safety (or politics), no sexy times, don't lie in prayer, idk how to explain the whole copyright thing but it usually manifested in ppl yelling abt turning certain music off because it wasnt allowed shwunrjtofig

2. kids can't be part of church prime, no giving primes no getting primes don't even ask for primes if ur under 13 go away you can't be here /lh. We didn't have kids on the smp (other than Michael but he couldn't speak anyways, he can't pray) so I'm not sure how this goes in actual practice!

In a new class will finish later

I have 15 minutes of phone time let's go

4. The bible can change, u adjust to that and don't follow the old scripture

5. Twitch can untwitch you if you fuck up too horribly, though that's kinda hard to do as far as I can tell. I mean just don't do a hate rally or whatever horribly tos behavior and ur good, not gonna get removed from the church and cut off from prime.

Yeah that's the important stuff imo, and worth noting that this is all MY interpretation. It's a religion, it's forces beyond our understanding, everyone will take it in a different way! That's just how these things go :3

by this world's standards of religion Church Prime was technically a pagan religion (though we didn’t use that word, not cus its bad or anything we just didn’t know that word lol) since despite being a common religion on the dream smp, it wasn’t necessarily a major religion otherwise. The many Churches of history did not have direct communication with each other, Prime is something which can be found by the individual as like I said, it's everywhere, and as such it was rediscovered more than once. It’s really impossible to know what the real reach of Prime was because of this, not everyone shared the gospel of Prime once they discovered it, and I presume most didn’t worship it the way we did.

Not to propagandize but it is also a pretty decent religion because it is fully against discrimination, there is no requirement to kill or die for it, there is no societal pressure to join and you won’t be kicked out of the smp for not believing it or anything, and you can come and go at any time, theres no guarantee that you’ll get primes if you join back in or when you first join obviously, as that just comes down to a whole lot of prayer and shit, but still u can come whenever u want. That stuff is mostly the bare minimum if you ask me, but there are a lot of religions in the world that put a lot of pressure on you or that don’t treat you fairly if you’re in a marginalized group or that basically tell you you’re fucking evil and going to burn in hell if you don’t pray and dedicate ur life to it and shit.

Also I’ve seen headcanons multiple times about bells being sewn onto clothing, which I’m bringing up just in case that was like a thing in your tl, even tho it wasn’t in mine (ringing the bell was a very active choice, I can’t imagine jingling around like a jester, kinda takes the whole intent thing out of that bell prayer but I could see others maybe doing it. I’d totally love if someone put bells on my corpse tho, if it ever got messed with I’d be asking for primes even in death, how cool would that be? It’d also be fuckin funny if someone tried to rob my grave and it was jingling like crazy, always do it for the bit boys, thats the number one unofficial rule of church prime /j)

#dsmp kin #church prime #tommy kin #tommyinnit kin #dream smp kin

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lambentplume · 9 months

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ltb 01

basically someone suggested that i keep a log of stuff bc im gonna stop remembering . and ive been brain bad severe style for a week straight so i have to get this shit down. so if u somehow started reading randomly. then these posts all will have wildfire tws because i can't fucking help it it's all i can think about. i don't wanna flood the real tag bc no readmores + the tw is contextual i guess.

no promises but im trying to keep this one to Ws because i'm feeling like. Unwell Unwell so i gotta fucking . preserve small bits of joy.

one thing that's been cool in irl-facing spaces is that many folks with past experience are joining as respectful allies and offering general advice that is rooted in their experience, only when prompted for that genre of advice. i'm thinking through like, securing my family's continued well being (they're okay Today but what if the situations switch up and they gotta go again yknow) and folks who have had similar fears and are 5 or 10 years out are like . giving me really helpful advice. someone from aforementioned group said that the recovery process is going to take years and that includes all the paperwork shit. and it was like. real bc everyone says "we will never forget" which is TRU but like to be LIVING IT is so so different . it also prompted me to seek help which is why im trying to tap into like...... relief from therapists , been messaging all my friends begging them to just randomly message me to make sure i've eaten bc the answer .... is usually no. im gonna finish these emails and then im gonna like force myself to turn my brain off

im trying to preserve myself for the long haul but im ngl everything reminds me of home im so lahainabrained it's like. the only form of reference i can use but i literally am not realizing how it looks in my head is COMPLETELY different. from what it's like irl rn

i'm ngl i'm really exhausted bc all i can do is help from a distance, but now that there are things that require my brain to work

ok explanation for LTB abbreviation: it's just kind of stupid the maui brewing company does a Lahaina Town Brown Ale and i think it's good. also obviously...............

#people are asking me to write things down and im NOT trying 2 trigger ppl and im NOT putting everything on tumblr but . readmores #LTB.txt #<- the “in case im on tumblr and i need to write a journal type thing” tag #also sorry for vents on main im trying to figure out who i can talk to not on broader social media. discord and text oomfies hmu

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wwwcapricorncom · 3 years

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hii could i request something? i don't mind whether it's a headcannon with some drabble or a longer scenario, do whatever you have time for. make sure you're taking care of yourself 🥰

oki so nsfw haikyuu, im very indecisive so I'll give you a list of some characters - feel free to include multiple alsjdggwgw.

tsukishima, kageyama, miya twins, kuroo, bokuto, yknow throw in hinata for some spice. basically anyone that would rUiN me 😗✌️

okay so for the scenario literally go wild with it, I'd love to have a few kinks involved like dumbification, verbal degrading, use of "puppy", breeding, denial, overstimulation and masochism (or sadism if you look at it from the characters side).

feel free to improv if there's anything specific you've been wanting to write lmao I'm happy with anything.

have fun hehe

Eep! You’re so sweet I could cry T^T. You’re my first ask btw so Thank you thank you! Anyone who enjoys this post, please thank anon! This will also be my first work for haikyuu so I hope it will be good! In addition, i'll write the reader as Fem for now bc it wasn’t specified, so I hope that’s okay<3. I was gonna include all characters, but I felt I kept you waiting long enough.

Okay so im thinking…. How they act when domming WITH BOKUTO, ATSUMU, OSAMU, TSUKI, AND HINATA.

Genre: SMUT/MINORS DNI/ 18+/ Characters aged up

Warnings: dumbification, verbal degrading, use of "puppy", breeding, denial, overstimulation, masochism & sadism, a wee bit of impact play in Osamu’s... it just happened, gagging, nose pinching, praising, oral (fem and male receiving), dom dynamics, use of the word “daddy.

BOKUTO

Bo is a wild card, so anything can activate his dom moods and they can vary from service to hard domming.

You have to watch out for those days when you do something that he finds so cute because that’s when he wants to be a service dom.

And that means fucking you completly dumb.

“C’mere puppy”, just wants to show you how much he appreciates and adores you, so he has to make you feel so good that you turn into mush.

Always fucks you in a position that relies solely on you having to rely on him because it’s such a power trip for him.

Will have you picked up and getting fucked against the wall of your room as he tells you how cute you are.

Seeing you like this triggers something so animalistic in him, he is suddenly so hyper focused as he fucks you like an animal.

LOUDDDD

Just wants to see how wrecked you’ll get for him, but wrecks himself too.

“C’mere puppy, gonna pick you up.” You're a mess already, having been getting fucked into on your back by your boyfriend. Still, you put your hands out so he can pull you into his broad chest and up you two go. He smiles at your compliance and goes in to kiss your cute lips, albeit deeply as he sucks on your tongue and bottom lip which makes saliva string you two together when pulling away.

By the time he is done kissing you, he has your bare back pressed against the cool surface of your room walls and is nudging the head of his big, fat cock back into your needy hole. “Ah! Bo, fuck! like this?”

You can’t help but ask while clinging to him for dear life as he bottoms out in you. All he can do is nod, one hand strongly wrapped around your lower back, close to your ass, and the other flat against the wall above your head. He loves the way you cling to him, much like how your soft walls do at the slightest dragging of his cock. In and out. He begins to buck his hips up into you and you bounce at the sheer force of each of his thrusts, breast bouncing gloriously in front of him too as he eyes them.

You’re open mouthed panting in no time in rhythm with his thrusts as your eyes gloss over while looking into his golden ones. He searches your face before using force from his legs to start ramming into your spongy spot and you gasp, “fuck daddy wait!”

“Just wanna make you feel good pup, just let me…” He groans as he continues to fuck into your gspot, making you clench around him sporadically as you begin to moan, “i-if you keep thrusting there-

“You’ll cum? Good, cum for me and i'm not gonna stop either.” He states seriously as he picks up his pace, moving the hand he had around you to your hip and gripping it tightly as he enclosed you against the wall more. You had no choice but to take the harsh thrusts that he was giving you, each retraction taking the air from your lungs before the thrust to your spot delivered intoxicating pleasure.

Your fucking head was getting cloudy as you succumbed to the pleasure, sweat trickling down the valley of your breasts at the body heat you two were producing, the mere sight of you sruggling to determine what you should do makes him go feral. Gripping both of your hips, with a bruising glasp, he makes sure the top half of your back is still resting on the wall as he begins to bring you down on his dick while thrusting up.

“You look so fucking sexy like this! Shit, I love having you on my cock!” He is growling now as you moan incoherent sentences, clinging to him closely you decided on just nodding your head. Too fucked out for anything else as he dominated your throbbing core.

He moans loudly at this as he balls slap aggressively against your ass, “already fucked dumb, pup? Fuckkkkk just how I wanted you.” He says as you start to go weak from the pleasure of your orgasm staring to consume you, moving to place your head in between the crook of his neck. He doesn’t let you though, grabs you by the chin and forces your unfocused eyes to stay on him as drool trickles down your skin from your lolled out tongue.

How could he not watch you go dumb on his cock as he fucks your through your orgasm and into his. You two are going to be so sloppy when he’s done.

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

TSUKIII

This fucking Psychopath mean and hard dom.

The most verbal degrader, but also lovesss to humiliate you too.

Just looks at you condescendingly, but is trying to hide his amusement.

“You look so pathetic right now, sweetheart.” is pushing his glasses up with one hand.

Has the other hand buried two fingers deep in your needy cunt.

All you can do is whine because for fucks sake he won’t give you anything, but shallow thrusts. All because

“If you want more then fucking work for it!”

Has you fucking yourself on his fingers in an instant while he snickers and smirks (still being mean) as if his hard on isn’t threatening to fucking cream his pants.

“TSUKIII!” You whine as you grip his wrist that is connected to the fingers inside your dripping cunt.

“You look so pathetic right now, sweetheart” He states with a smirk as he gives you two sharp aimless thrusts into your cunt, making you whine louder.

“P-please just give me more! Stop being so mean!” You say as you look up at his shirtless frame. You know by the look on his face that he is having fun, that he enjoys seeing you so needy and you hate that you’re feeding into it. But it’s so hard, when he has been fingering you to the edge and stopping every time right before you could even release.

“You want more? Then fucking work for it, whore!” He says almost sadistically and you nod as you lift your hips up to meet his fingers. You begin to thrust up into his two nimble, long fingers as you clench around him. Your walls are thankful for the aggressive friction that you are finally getting after 3 near orgasms.

One particular rough thrust hits your g spot and you moan lewdly, tongue almost hanging completely out as you feel the familiar tingles of a strong orgasm. Just as you go to lift your hips up to ram into his fingers in the exact same way, his other hand is pressing you firmly down onto the mattress, halting your attempts.

You fucking choke on a sob as tears obscure your vision and he snickers, “Aw you’re such a crybaby!”

But seeing your flushed face and rising chest as your lip quivers, does it for him. And he’s a little mad at himself because you won and don’t even know it. I mean now he just has to fuck you- you just look so pretty, begging for him after he’s been so fucking mean to you. Crying. Gosh, it makes his dick twitch as precum trickles down to his balls.

Yep, now he’s gonna fuck that needy cunny and give you all that you wanted and then some.

♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡

ATSUMU

Much like Tsuki, he is also a mean and hard dom, but actually has the ability to turn into a soft one.

Loves to degrade too but because he loves feeling superior.

Will be at his meanest when he just lost a match and Def takes it out on that cunt.

Right after like right after the game, he has you riding him in the fucking car.

Is being so mean too, “don’t tell me that’s all ya got, ya little slut?”

“Ride my fucking dick then!”

Once you amp it up though, fuck his tune switches so fast. “God yer so fuckin’ wet, gonna breed ya just right bc ya think ya can fuck me like this and get away with it?”

Like sir you were just… anyways he will hug you into his chest and mark your flesh up.

Fills you to the brim while praising and then makes you sit with it leaking into your underwear all the way home

“Come on slut, fully sit on it. I don’t care if it hurts!” Atsumu grumbles as he smacks your ass, making your legs quiver and a few more inches to slip further into your stretching sex.

He’s so big and that asshole barely prepared you before telling you to basically spear yourself on his erect cock. He’s only this mean when he loses and as much as you wish you could say you hate it, you don’t at all.

You love proving him wrong and he always tries to be right, the only difference is he is being meaner right now. That’s why he slams you the rest of the way down on his cock and has your eyes springing open as you arch and shake with a loud cry.

You can’t even express how full you feel or how it feels like he could’ve just broken you, but your pussy can. It’s gushing around him as if you just came, making a mess at his base and his neatly trimmed pubes.

“Don’t ya fuckin’ dare cum yet, don’t tell me that’s all ya got, ya little slut!” He growls taking ahold of your neck with his large hand. You whine at this putting your two smaller hands around his forearm and shaking your head ‘no’, mind getting cloudy.

He sits up a bit, sweaty back unsticking from his leather seats as he gets inches from your face, still clenching your neck, grasping tighter even.

“Then. Ride. My. Fucking dick!” He snaps, eyes dark as he swipes his tongue over his bottom lip. You feel so aroused at this point, grinding your hips into his as your walls scream from the weak prep.

He continues to spew mean shit at you, further stimulating you as you begin to ride him faster. He is slipping soon after, groans tumbling out of his mouth as you bounce on his cock like a rabbit.

Whines sharply when you start to clap your ass down on the dick before hugging you to his sweaty chest. Your hard nipples will drag against his skin as he keeps you embraced, strong arms around your back as he sucks purple marks into your skin. Will begin to fuck up into you as he moans, “ya can’t ride me like that and not expect me t-to fill ya up, pretty!”

Doesn’t care for your response, too lost in his own delirium, as he concentrated on ramming all that fat cock into your hole in attempts to get deeper and deeper. And when he hears you finally cry out about how, “ ‘TSUMU! YOU'RE TOO DEEP!”

He is emptying his balls into you, with an iron grip on your hips to keep you firmly planted on him as he repeats, “gonna fuckin’ bread ya! Bread ya so good… look at that cunt drinking it all up ah!…such a good girl.”

☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆

OSAMU

Is the reverse of his brother- Is primarily a soft dom, but knows when to be a hard/ mean one.

Loves caressing you and giving you touches everywhere.

But is really good at commanding, does it calmly with hot lazy eyes.

“Go a little faster… yea there ya go. Good.”

“Don’t do that baby, ya wouldn’t want me mad right?”

Sometimes that is what you want thoe and you’re being such a brat that he understands too.

That’s when he goes Dom, probably having enough of your bullshit.

Like if you’re teasing and disobeying him, per example, when you’re giving him head.

Without warning will put a firm hand on the back of your head and push you forward roughly.

Will fuck your face so meanly, scolding you about how, “this is what ya wanted.”

“Come on, go a little faster baby.” Osamu commands and his matter of fact tone, the one he uses when he wants you to do something without protest, sends tingles to your cunt as you flutter your eyes up at him.

Deciding to obey this time, even though you know you want something a little more tonight, you begin sucking on his tip a little faster. He nods his head slowly, relishing the scene before him as he tilts his head back.

He’s really getting into it, baby loves when you suck him off on your knees. It always feels so good and he finds himself in this exact position. Head thrown back, eyes shut, one hand holding your makeshift ponytail, and the other on your cheek.

You love the look in his eyes, lustful and lazily hanging open as his pupils flicked down occasionally to drink in your movements. You were growing needy though, panties getting soaked as you rub your thighs together, sucking faster. His hums of approval indicated that he enjoyed this action as he wets his lips and rakes his fingers further through your hair.

Deviously you decided to take him in further and graze your teeth along his skin, something he loved but did not take kindly. It always made him feel way too good like he would cum way sooner than he would want to, so it pissed him off every time you did it. And you knew that it had worked now too when he let out a surprised hiss as you continued to lightly graze your teeth on his member. His breath is shaky as he lets go of the ponytail that he had formed to keep your hair out of your face.

“Fuckin’ mistake” he states seriosuly as his strong hand pushes on the back of your head, lunching you forward and making his cock fully slot itself in your throat. It hurt, it burned, and you were soaking yourself because of the pain. You loved when your daddy turned into such a meanie.

“Can never use yer fuckin’ words huh? Had to be a damn brat.” He grumbles as he starts to slam into your mouth, making tears trickle down the corners of your eyes as you try to keep up with the brutal pace.

He is groaning by now, the force of his thrusts making the veins pop from his arms and legs as your thighs get wet with arousal, “ya like it that much, nasty girl, huh!” You try to tell him yes, but a quick slap to your cheek makes you moan like an absolute slut. It was not enough to hurt, just sting and utterly surprise you, but it was more than enough for you, “don’t fuckin talk when I'm blessing ya with a full mouth.”

His tone is still as calm as ever which makes your pussy throb even more as you nod rapidly, desperately, doe eyes looking up at him as he smirks slightly before continuing to stretch your throat with brutal snaps of his hips. When he begins to cum, he makes sure to thrust fully into you, on his tippy toes, as he firmly plants one hand on the back of your head while using the other to pinch your nose closed.

You cum untouched, choking on his seed and gasping for air as tears stream down your face. But all he says is “ya wanted this and ya liked it, my little masochist.” Osamu has no problem being a sadist for you.

♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡

HINATA

SERVICE DOM !!!

Such a precious baby (reminds me of Izuku) loves to eat you out, but because he really wants you to feel immense pleasure.

Is so attentive, sucks on your breasts, licks your inner thighs, places kisses on your ankles and legs before diving in.

Holds your hand while using the other to spread you apart.

“You taste so good baby.”

Is the type to shake his head from side to side while eating that pussy.

Will overstim you on accident at first, but realizes he loves how easy it is to reel orgasms out of you when you’re sensitive.

“Cum again for me please?”

Oral with him almost always leads to over stimming… both ways.

“Another kiss here… and here….here.” Hinata mumbles against your skin as you arch into the touch of his soft, wet lips. He started at your own lips, made his way down to sucking your neck and breasts, paying special care to your nipples. Sucks and nibbles on them for so long that you're wet and the buds are throbbing and sore.

He will then move down, dragging his tongue down your stomach, kissing your belly button, licking at your thighs before grabbing them. He spreads you open, groaning at how your cunt is seeping with arousal as he stands up, your legs on his shoulders while he admires you.

Will kiss your ankles as he rubs his underwear covered cock along your slit, collecting your slick and dampening the fabric. When he can no longer kiss your flesh or produce light touches here and there, too needy, he dives in and kisses your pussy.

“Sho!” You gasp as your hands fly to his hair, weaving into the orange tuffs as he licks a long flat tongue up your entire cunt. He’ll sigh against your puffy clit after this, amazed that he gets to taste you whenever he wants, and this starts the feast.

He starts to suck and nip at your folds, cute nose bumping against your clit which makes you squeal each time, “you taste so good baby.” He groans again as he reaches to hold your hand that abandoned his hair in favor of gripping the sheets. Your heart swells at the cute action as you grasp his warm hand back and he reallys starts to get lost in your soaking cunt.

So engrossed in tongue fuckng you while rubbing your clit with his thumb, he doesn’t register your slight warnings of, “S-sho you’re going too f-fast!” Because you weren't used to being touched and cared for so attentively, him being the first to do you like this, and your orgasm was approaching so fast it was shocking you.

Precum is rushing out of his cock when you start cumming on his tongue, but he doesn’t stop there. He starts to shake his head between your legs from side to side, further stimulating you and getting sloppier, as he gulps and slurps and continues to eat you out.

“TOO SENSITIVE!” You yell as you start squirming away, but his hold on your hand just gets tighter as he flicks his eyes up to you, “cum again for me please? I know my beautiful girl can…” He says, hot breath fanning your quivering cunt as his dark eyes look up at you. You whine at his words, but accept and he's back to over-stimulating you, using his tongue to weave through your folds and into your hole, rubbing your clit harder.

You gush so much for him by the end of the night. And he hasn’t even fucked you with that monster stamina yet.

#haikyuu smut #haikyuu x reader #bokuto smut #tsukishima smut #atsumu smut #osamu smut #hinata smut #haikyuu headcanons #reader insert #haikyuu x f!reader #haikyuu asks #haikyuu drabbles #www.capricorn.com

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domjaehyun · 3 years

Note

omg i’m the anon who sent u the six thirty ask and ma’am. jeno fic…. BARK BARK i’m down bad for 00 line rn send help. also just abt haechan like WHY IS HE GETTING IN MY HEAD AND HEART RIGHT NOW !!!! FOR FREE TOO SO DISRESPCTFUL. he is just sooo good at singing i want him to serenade me and on top of that HES CLEVER AND WITTY AND FUNNY ??? why does he have it all i’ll literally die. btw. positions literally my favorite ari album like it has some type of hold on me like idk why but that album … every song …. ari put her whole pussy in that she ate it tf up. and idk y’all she wrote that for me and tumblr user domjaehyun only the rest of y’all stay safe. and what do you mean ‘yes you can ask which ones i’m switching to haechan if you’re curious.’ YOU KNOW IM CURIOUS. hand over precious secrets. ugh I’M SO EXCITED TO SEE ALL THE NEW THINGS YOURE GOING TO WRITE !!!! you’re so talented i literally can’t wait i wish you all the luck in writing them because i am going to be dropping everything to read them whenever they come out. I HOPE YOURE HAPPY WITH EVERYTHING YOU WRITE AND ARE TAKING CARE OF URSELF WHILE U DO SO NO RUSH BABEY ITS ABT WHEN YOU WANNA DO IT !!

:D HI HI I'M HAPPY YOU'RE BACK I LIKE YOU HJSDFKLGJ

i am ... into jeno ... i like him ... or whatever ... 🙄 ugh... BARK BARK IS RIGHT BABY I AM BARKING WITH YOU IN SPIRIT !!! no for real haechan is actually fucking with my life it is approaching brainrot levels . i saw a gifset of him earlier (i rbed it to my other blog) and i . am not kidding when i say this mf literally had me staggering and stumbling in the middle of rite aid while waiting to pick up meds... he makes me SICK i want him. i want him so bad i'm going insane (ended up putting this under a cut bc . this got long.......apologies)

HIS VOICE- please i really might start crying . might do that for real . he has my absolute favorite voice in all of nct.... HOLO WHEN? GIVE IT TO ME. PLS . P L E A S E . he's got such a unique voice oh m y g o d. i'm going to cry ple a se. oh god

NO FR HE'S SO FUCKING SMART HE'S SO . *SOBBING* I NEED TO BE HELD RIGHT NOW WTF LIKE . listen also i just think it's important to note that like . he's funny IN KOREAN to me. yes he's said funny shit in english too but like . he says shit that is just like . Fucking Funny. he has an elite sense of humor i think like truly bc it can transcend language & culture and im like . fuck ... that's so hot ... do you know how fucking intelligent you have to be TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH IN A DIFF FUCKING LANGUAGE THAN THEY SPEAK? he's got also like a very physical humor to him i think like that's also so sexy and admirable he's so expressive ... in love with him truly he's so fucking fine what the FUCK

ALSO YES. IMPECCABLE TASTE. also fr i rly do think i like . fw ariana heavy......... like i rly rly do i love her vibes as a person and i love her music and her talent i just adore her sm oh my god. ASFDJGFKD she did this for us 💖 everyone go listen to smth else rn . KIDDING i want her to get all the clout & money she deserves oh my god. ALSO WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG FROM THE ALBUM 👀 OR LIKE I GUESS YOUR TOP FAVES / A RANKING OR SMTH !!! i am curious hehe

and omg okay I DIDN'T WANNA JUST LIKE . INUNDATE YOU WITH INFO YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR JKSGFKFJK JUST WANTED TO BE . SURE YOU ACTUALLY CARED YKNOW !!! but omg okay so . the two fics i'm considering changing to haechan fics from that collection are: obvious from the original collection (currently a lucas fic) & pov from the extended collection (currently a kun fic) ...and ngl i am tempted to also change love language from the original collection too (currently a xiaojun fic) but like . i'm on the FENCE !!! like i like haechan s o much ... but i don't wanna like . idk . make my positions collection like The Haechan Show (even though like. it fucking should be. he deserves it i think) esp bc that wasn't the original plan :( like what if all the fans of the members i was GONNA write about got all excited for the fics and then . i let them down :(

SIDE NOTE I ALSO JUST NOTICED ALL THREE OF THE FICS I WANNA CHANGE TO HAECHAN ARE ALL ABT WAYV MEMBERS I'M SO SORRY THAT REALLY WAS NOT DELIBERATE SJDFGKD haechan is just someone that feels SO versatile to me ... like he can do it all... it's remarkable ...

hhHHHHhh i think whenever i start working on them i might like . do a lil poll and see if ppl would be like . genuinely upset abt it or like . how ppl feel in general .... note: i'm still probably gonna end up doing what i want...bc that is just how i roll 💖 but i would def like want an idea of how it might be received yknow?

SORRY BABY I RANTED AT YOU JDKFGLKSD in my defense... it's your fault . it's not my fault you have thoroughly enjoyable vibes 🙄 THANK YOU SO MUUUUCH THANK YOU IM HAPPY YOURE SO SUPPORTIVE AND EXCITED :D I HOPE YOU LIKE THE STUFF I'M WORKING ON!!! in my mind i am giving u a v big hug (if you want it) bc i like you okay moving on la la la gonna shut up now

#answered #anon

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cslupus · 5 years

Text

Seeds

FACEPLANT

Hello! It's Lupus. Here to put the chronic into the Chronicles. I don't own anything by C.S. Lewis but I believe he would smile on fanfiction and that he fully intended the reader to finish his world. I don't own anything by Tech N9ne. The italics are lyrics from his song "Einstein".

Christmas day. Topeka, KS. 2414 Se Colorado Street. Dale's house

"So, fucking Egypt, right? Yknow, I was there and damn it, I wanted to try some of that local hashish." John said this while gesturing with the hose of the hookah in his hand, half remembering to finally take a hit. He blew the next words in clouds, "It was back in late 2011 to early 2012 and they had that revolution, right? Well..." John paused to take a drink from his tall natty light and coughed. Scarlette sat inconspicuously at the end of the couch, a worn and gorilla taped hookah hose in hand as everyone listened to the man sitting cross-legged on the floor. She'd been at job Corp for a year and a half and was finally free to smoke. She was lit as fuck and did her best to follow along. He continued, "So I found some guys who put me in contact with a dealer. And this wasn't something like here in the states where you go to the place, take it home and, yknow. No, this dude led me and about 3 other guys to this fucking warehouse. There was literally this big ol' switch breaker, like 'Egor, flip the switch' style thing that they pull down to turn on this one bare bulb hanging over this circle of chairs. At this point I'm thinking, yknow. 'Yeah, I might die, but fuck it. Yolo. Let's see where this goes.' and besides, they already had my money. So we go and sit in these chairs and they break it out and we're passing it around when one of the guys there starts to speak. He said," John paused. The look in his eye had shifted to a sadder gaze. "He said he was with the Egyptian guard or military or whatever. I don't remember his rank, just that he gave orders. He told us his rank and he told us his job during the revolution. Keep in mind that this shit just happened, like, within a year of him telling this story. His job was to tell the armed soldiers guarding some building what to do. The protests were crazy and a few times, yknow, his men got nervous, and he got nervous. He finally ordered the men to fire into the air to scare the crowd back, and so they did and the crowd dispersed. Just a couple days later they were back, and after a bit he had his men fire in the air again and the crowd dispersed and backed up, but slower this time. And sure enough, a day and a half later, they're back. So he has them fire into the air again. But the crowd isn't dispersing. He's telling us about fucking hundreds of people calling his bluff and his superiors were putting pressure on him and then, for whatever reason, he looked ME in the eye, dead in the eye, and said 'So I ordered my men to fire into the crowd.' and the only thing I could think right then in that moment was 'I am so fucking high right now.'"

The room was quiet. This quiet was comically broken with the sound of someone sucking the last icy bit of fountain drink through a straw, and everyone suppressed their laughter until finally Scarlette let hers go. The rest of the room followed suit. The tension broke and Dale, the host, slid over to Scarlette and asked her to pass the Playstation controller. She handed it over and he proceeded to put on some YouTube. Music filled the spaces left by people trickling towards the kitchen where the liquor was.

If you got scratch nigga, get the fuck up Throw your hands up, if you hella fucked up Einstein, tech n9ne, two triple zip Crack a jaw, whip 'em all, if they wanna trip Ladies with the bar codes, meet me after this

Maybe you can show me, the meaning of abyss Everybody on the wall momma is a bzzz Had her at the budgetel stroking on my dzzz This ones for the psychos gang bangers and sluts Bumbs holding the pipe those college graduate fucks

Scarlette stepped out onto the front porch to smoke a cigarette.

As she untangled her ear buds, a second person came outside and lit a clove cigar.

"Sup, Eddie." Scarlette said. She looked at him and noticed his clean cut appearance and his absence of cornrows. "You look nice. Your hair is really short, though. Beard looks good."

"Thanks, clove?" he offered the little black pack over and she saw a lighter and a chillum in it with 3 black wrapped cigars and three little nugs of weed in the cellophane of a cigarette pack burned shut.

"Everything's coming in threes. Nah. I don't want one after that hash."

"Threes?"

"Three cloves. Three nugs. Three days."

"So it's true. You're going to London to live with your dad." replied Eddie.

"Yeah, got the ticket with my Job Corp. money."

"You went for culinary, right? Are you sure they'll take your certification in the U.K.?"

"There's plenty of places that pay under the table. Skill is skill and I have it. I'll start there." she said a little defensively. She didn't like to talk about her reasons for moving, but the truth was, she felt called. London was calling and she was going to answer. She just was.

"I wish you'd reconsider." Eddie said sadly. "Do you at least have some money left after the ticket? Probably just a couple hundred dollars. What if things don't go your way and you end up homeless?"

"I'm sorry, Eddie, but I'm..." she was cut off by a series of gunshots from a few blocks over. "No, seriously! Who the fuck gangbangs on Christmas?"

"Keep it classy, Topeka." Eddie replied. The put out their half smoked deathsticks with reluctance and headed back inside.

Kc mo roll Kc mo roll What do we say to haters off top Haters got beef they thinking we got We gon' get postal if it don't stop You can get ghost or you can get shot

Scarlet sat down on the sofa and looked at her novelty yo-yo/mp3 player she was given as a fare well gift from her Job Corp. friend, Sylvester.

"I wanted to, just, curate and give you the best techno and trap and dubstep playlist ever, but a bunch of shit went down at my house I had to deal with, so I ended up not having time and I was just going to give you the yoyo and let you put on whatever juggalo shit you wanted, but then my buddy gave me acid. While I was peaking, I suddenly decided to work on this list, so I'm just ripping songs off of YouTube based on how they made me trip and, if they didn't make me trip right, it was like there was this lion, this fucking golden ass lion, looking in at me through a door in my chest and it'd growl. I'd feel it growl. It was insane. But I did fill it for you. So, it's all techno. Pretty random. Glitch Mob, Timmy Trumpet, some Diplo. Give it a chance before you delete it all."

She didn't say anything but she'd been seeing a huge lion in her dreams climbing the rocks on top of Echo Cliffs as the sun's rays slanted beneath a great, black stormcloud. Then it would look at her and she'd realize something so shocking it would wake her up but she could never remember what shocked her awake. She rolled her ear buds around the yo-yo and put it back in her bag. She headed into the kitchen to find Eddie.

"No dude," Eddie said, red cup in hand "you should not learn how to crip walk. You shouldn't even say crip walk. Say C-walk. And don't do it."

"Man, I do not, for the life of me, understand why a dance should be off limits. I just don't." said Tommie. "Man, I don't give a fuck, I'm graduated! Oh damn, sup Scarlette!"

"Sup. Shit, I'm graduated, too." she said as she grabbed a cup.

"From Job Corp. Not the same. Come back when you been to college, then law school." Tommy said as he leaned forward and smiled arrogantly.

"Man, chill out you cocky motherfucker. You ain't passed the bar yet. You are not a lawyer yet. You're a juris doctorate having motherfucker. Let Scarlette have hers, man. It takes nothing from you." said Eddie.

Scarlette glared at Tommie and poured herself some soda. She didn't really feel like drinking tonight, not after her mom's drunken bullshit earlier. She was thinking about being home as little as possible until her flight. She had lots of people to visit and say goodbye to, so it felt doable.

London, U.K.

Tears flowed down her face as she picked through what was left of her belongings on the terrace outside her father's flat. Her father's girlfriend, Debra, didn't like Scarlette and exactly one week after Scarlette started her hotel job, Debra planted a chequebook in Scarlette's trunk and claimed it had been stolen. So, without a word, Loren took his daughters belongings and put them outside while she was at work. He'd never been a brave man.

Scarlette made her way down the water-stained concrete stairs, out through the courtyard, and on into the streets. She walked aimlessly, hungry but too cautious to spend anything. She thought of all the groceries she joyously bought for herself just days before. They'd all be eaten up by that treacherous bitch and her lapdog boyfriend. More tears came. She sat on a swing and cried as hard as she'd ever cried.

When she finally stopped, the world stopped with her. It was dead silent. No horns, no machines, no people. She heard herself breathing hard so she knew she wasn't deaf. Suddenly, a great shadow crawled slowly over her from behind. She looked up and saw the buildings, streets, everything, peeled up in a big wave and curling over her. She didn't understand. She didn't think. She ran.

She ducked between pedestrians, having to take great care to avoid them so they'd stop knocking her down. It was like they couldn't see her. She eventually found an alleyway and ran down it. She leaned against the wall to catch her breath. To her left she saw a window, with a man staring out at her, though it wasn't a man exactly. He had sharp features, a pointed beard and ears, and two small horns coming from his forehead. She began running again.

This happened over an over. She'd see something utterly impossible, run away, stop to rest, and see something else. A half man half horse, a dancing tree, a squirrel the size of a medium sized dog holding quill and parchment. She couldn't run anymore, but she pushed herself down a narrow corridor back to the street where she saw a boarding bus. She barely made it, almost payed the fare til she realized she still couldn't be seen, found a seat and hoped to not get sat on.

After sneaking onto busses for a while, she found herself near the center of the city. She realized how tired she was. Thoughts of food again tormented her, til she finally got off the bus to track down some fish and chips to steal. She walked with purpose and rounded a corner to come face to foot with a giant. She whimpered as she began running again.

She ran across a vacant lot and saw a tree sprout, grow big and robust, fill with apples, the split in two and decay right in her path. She tried to go around and felt her foot snared by an ancient prehensile root. She struggled as she found herself falling down a sinkhole. She felt dirt in her mouth as the Earth swallowed her and her screams. Roots scratched her face and arms. Soon she felt light through her eyelids and felt leaves along with branches. She was still falling. No matter how she tried, she couldn't keep hold of any branches. It was all she could do to cushion each collision with each ever larger branch. All too soon, she ran out of branches. She fell a whole story and a half and landed on a small boulder jutting from the flowing roots that gripped the ground with her shin taking all of her weight. She both felt and heard her bone snap and, with a wet pop, rip through the skin. She was on hands and knees. She didn't feel anything until she foolishly tried to stand. That's when the world spun out of control. She stumbled to the ground; the pain in her leg was so intense she could almost hear it. She vomited and collapsed into unconsciousness.

Not far from her, in the brush, waited a watching satyr. He nimbly negotiated through the tangled roots of the great old tree and picked up Scarlette's bag. He looked around where he saw objects from her bag fall with her and gathered what he hoped was everything. He briefly examined the contents. He picked up her phone, thinking it was a very dark mirror for scrying, and he almost let out a yelp when the screen lit up. He put it back and donned her purse with the strap across his chest, leaned down, and lifted Scarlette up in a dead man's carry. He was a simple satyr who only did simple magic, but he knew great magic when he saw it, and he knew the High King at Cair Paravel would want to make this his business.

If you wish to read more, cash me on Fanfiction.net and wattpad

#chroniclesofnarnia #narnia #fanfic #fanfiction #susanpevensie #edmundpevensie #susan pevensie #edmund pevensie #mr. tumnus #cannabis #oc #job corps #sapphic #romance #lesbianism #fiction #fan fic

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tamiddyinyourcity · 4 years

Text

2:41pm.

I knew it was a bad idea for him to go off his pills. But noooo, no one listens to Tamiaaaaaaa agaaaaaaain.

This reminds me of that time I passive aggressively (key word is aggressively) had to tell Patrick #2 to wear a jacket while it was foggy and raining outside, after several times of him leaving the house cold and regretful. I felt bad, but he did end up warm either way, and I didn't want to kiss him while sick.

(Also, I gotta drive the boat with another shot of wine, to slowly wean myself from mentioning that guy. I can't tell if its self punishment or if its to forget him, or if its gonna make me associate the pleasure of rose with him, which will either result in me liking him, or me hating rose, but like.... whatever bitch. No thoughts, just wine.)

He's been kinda odd all day.

I don't wanna say "he acts like me when i reflect on my negative experiences and end up messily posting hella vague posts online," but, hes acting like me when i vague post online as i reflect on my negative experiences.

I literally thought, "If it's Monday, and he's got one final pill left, and he's not taken any for some days prior and is already reacting badly, but has to wait till Thursday for refills.... It would make more sense to take it now and lessen the amount of time off of SSRIs, and then ease into one and a half days or so without pills, than to go the entire week without using them until Thursday afternoon."

He didn't listen, and thus, here we are, as he ends up posting about how he's cackling at his own misery and being abandoned by those who swore they fell for him. (Same bro, been there and technically still there.)

I wonder if this is a healthy dynamic. On one hand, nice to have a reliable bond grow from what was just sexting mildly to actually caring for each other's wellbeing and so forth.

I definitely do like being around them.

Idk, I just heard it can be dangerous if two people that bond over the similarities in their past traumas and whatnot make a bond solely off of that. But I don't think it's some sort of "oh teehee i only like him cause hes all emotional like me" sorta way, since I do have plenty of other reasons to like him, yknow?

Also, I just realized I had the definition to "trauma bonding" wrong.

I thought it referred to people who bond over both having similar traumatic experiences and more happen.

Turns out its when someone keeps you "hostage" in a relationship by switching between lovebombing and sudden kindnesses and promises, to hurting you.

I think me and Patrick #2 had that happen on both sides. (My tears were real though, and regret too. His on the other hand, were much much more mild but still very toxic either way.)

Shoutout to that guy, for switching between really liking me, to purposely ignoring my texts, to saying he wished we talked longer after hangouts, to leaving me on read or being disgusted and purposely cold and distant if I called him just to say hey or thank him for a hangout, and just.... constant switching.

It was good to leave, but it hurt, for so many ways, in so many ways.

Anyway, before I get too wrapped up in the thoughts that correlated to purchasing crossbows, let's drink some wine and take a bath.

2:58pm.

Got Rowan to promise to get on his medicine again.

Showed him my tumblr and sent him a video, explaining overall how I felt.

Glad that he came to his sense a little bit. This was a really risky thing to do, man, you could've ended up off this planet. And well, girls who kind of like you don't handle it well when you describe the ways you plan to kill yourself any day coming soon.

I'd pretty much prefer him to live, honestly.

Since yeah, deaths would still affect me anyway.

I'd just be like, "Cool, none of my words mattered. None of my actions mattered. Maybe I don't even matter, if I can't even get someone to stick around, or if they don't see me worth sticking around with, or if I'm pointless", aaaaaand a series of thoughts that are kinda making me cry right now.

Yeaaaaaa, its a, how do you say.... "slippery slope".

I'd rather actually let someone know I care, than to just think "its helpless to try", with a defeatist attitude. I'm not that type. Especially for severe shit like this.

........

I should go easier on myself lately.

It's just been waking up, deep cleaning, and stressing out over the apocalypse. (I should say "pandemic", since sheesh, zombies havent came yet.)

I should cut myself some slack.....

Gonna drink some tea, take an epsom salt bath, and order a fat ass super burrito to heal up my period pains with.

And thank fuck my period finally came, I was really worried, up until this morning. (Worried about my health, not about a pregnancy. Ah, the sad yet comforting reality of not having sex for ages. I miss having sex, buuuuuut I gave it up for self respect. Or the illusion of it. Shut up.)

Patrick was nice to have sex with, but gosh, he was so impossible. I know he wasn't a mind reader, but all the signs were there, and nigga chose the loser route; instead of the "here's some candy, no homo, now lets finish off my box of condoms and watch Tucker and Dale oe something" route.

Slight pain to not know what happens with him now. But well, not like i want to know, or need to know.

Even if he did end up going on some dates, having another first kiss or first fuck with some new girl, or hell, he could even have fallen for someone entirely new by now....

It's out of my control.

He actively chose to do the exact opposite of the things he wanted between me and him, then got it. Boo fucking hoo.

I still loathe him so much for how much of a hypocrit he was, while also going from really connected with me, to dropping me like a fly just like that..... hell, even I was nicer to him when the roles were reversed. (Or well, that depends, sometimes I was super evil about it, but anyways he was a really disappointing man, and yeah, sucks to still cry knowing that I liked him as much as I did.)

Oh well.

3:15pm. I lost track of how many shots of wine taken today, but whatever. Fuck.

Gonna.... do something today. Peace out yalls.

#nice #exes

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