#just multiple forms of abuse be careful and its parental

[cod-z]

Why do you HATE the rain, L.T?

You chose to read this, do NOT blame me if you ignore my warnings! TW: Angst, No Comfort, Death, Betrayal, Abuse, Trauma, Hint/Mention of SA on a Minor

Pairing: Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x Reader

| One-shots | Pt. 2 |

A/N: Realised that I really love writing angst but hate reading it lmao

Simon, or Ghost known out in the field, knew you since you were a child, yes, both you and the reaper of death were childhood best friends, never leaving each other’s side, taking on the world even with Simon’s questionable family problems that he always covered from you.

Always protecting the things he deemed weren’t good for your mind and soul, not wanting you grow up as fast as he did, he was older in his mind and his body is taking its time to catch up.

You and Simon were inseparable that was a fact, however between you two the dynamic was rather odd.

You were the troublemaker of the duo, always jumping into danger, never considering your safety, always taking the hits whenever Simon gets bullied at school or when his father gets so drunk he doesn’t recognise you when you came to get Simon’s sleepover gear, later on hiding the bruises and scars with make-up.

However, Simon didn’t know that he wasn’t the only one with family issues.

Your parents put up a facade whenever Simon came over for a sleepover with or without his sibling, having that sweet and parental attitude around them, taking care of them as if they were their children instead of you. And once Simon leaves, your parents would relish the anger and resentment onto you, baring you with multiple, questionable damages onto your body.

Your mother made sure you could no longer fathom a word with her ‘motherly love’, as she called it, unleashing her wrath onto you while your father’s form of ‘love’ lead you to being deflowered at a young age, him being the reason why you limped walking to school and why you didn’t shine bright as you did before - always feeling like filth.

Although your attitude always changes around Simon, always giving him a smile whenever he was near you, staying strong for him as he does for you.

“That doesn’t scare you, does it?” Simon gives you a wary smile while he watches you balance on the railing of the bridge, your dress being blown gently by the wind as you stick your arms out, giggling while giving him a reassuring smile.

“What’s there to be afraid of?”

“You could fall.”

“Yeah but I’m not,” you chuckle still walking on the railing like a tightrope, Simon still being paranoid as he watches you, eventually you reach the end of the bridge. You start to laugh at Simon’s protectiveness which earned you a playful glare which causes you to laugh harder, in turn, Simon starts to laugh as well. Just two kids against the world.

That was then, this is now.

You were just a Sergeant amongst the Task Force 141, they already had two Sergeants, both, capable of completing missions as a duo or a soloist, so can you but Sim- Ghost doesn’t seem to think so.

Over the years when you both grew up, Simon wasn’t as degrading as he was now, you remember the times where he’d pick you up when you fell down.

When you were back in secondary school, you and Simon had been a main target of bullying due to rumours of you homes and family, they weren’t wrong but you both weren’t going to give them the satisfaction of letting them get under your skin nor would you allow them to shit talk about Simon and vice versa.

You both cared deeply for one another, always watching each other’s back, both in and out of school grounds, knowing bullies won’t be reprimanded once they leave school gates, sure, you could tell the teacher but you both didn’t trust any adults.

However during a chase where both of you were out numbered, Simon had accidentally caught himself on the fence when he tried to crawl underneath it, it was hooked onto his right ankle, only hooking onto the sock but you were sure he had scratches underneath, the metal wire broken the material.

He looked towards you when you grabbed his sleeves and tug on it, trying to set him free but the gang were catching up and Simon didn’t want you hurt because of the fight he had started.

“Please, let me go!”

Your panicked eyes dart to him, looking at him as if he was crazy, you shake your head defying his orders while still trying to tug him free.

“It’s you and me, Si. Us against the worl—” you were cut off when you heard fabric being ripped apart and Simon was now on top of your legs, his head rested on your laps and the sounds of rushed footsteps nears the alleyway that you had escaped.

The gang leader punches the metal wire while glaring at the two of you, cursing words at you both for hitting his mate with a branch. You both looked at each other before dashing off, the distance of cursing fading and your laughs replacing the sound.

You remember it so clearly and yet you think to yourself, was any of it real?

You stood in front of Ghost, his figure looming over yours, you eyes meeting one another as both of you know that their former, young friend no longer embodies their adult skeleton, both are grown and both are different.

The years that gapped between them were long many things had changed, Ghost lost his family while you had killed yours, you knew what happened to Ghost but he didn’t know what happened to you, you were both strangers, co-workers.

Forced, co-workers.

You had been a slave to Phillip Graves and General Shepherd, you had worked for the Shadow Company, being spared by the remorseful side of Ghost that had died or who you formally known as Simon Riley - your childhood best friend, the best friend that died along with his family, the friend that disappeared, the friend that left you to fend for your own. The man that stood in front of you, today.

You glared at him and he glared at you.

“I should’ve killed you when I had the chance,” his deep, gruff voice ring into your ear.

You don’t flinch while you both have a stand off, neither one of you backing down even with the harsh words being thrown back and forth in silence, his arms folding against his chest.

He hadn’t known why he spared you, he had his knife against your throat as you were left for dead by the Shadow Company, but he kept you alive. He doesn’t understand why he did so, you weren’t Ghost’s friend, you were Simon Riley’s best friend, the part of Ghost that died and the being of his reborn self.

However he was surprised that you hadn’t reacted out towards him from abandoning you, leaving you and not contacting you after everything he had been through, not that he couldn’t, he felt it would be best if he had left your life as he was back then. Saving you from the man he has become and known of as today, but you weren’t no different, you had changed too and not only as his enemy but as the young girl he used to love deeply.

You no longer had your enchanting smile, you no longer had the glimmer in your eyes, you no longer give that hypnotic laugh when others made jokes even with the ones he would mumble out, ones you used to laugh at.

“If you know what’s good for you ‘darlin’,” you mock his accent and the little nickname that he gave you when you first reunited while waving your hand behind you, brushing off the intense gaze he had on you. “you’ll leave me alone.”

You spat at him before brushing past him, purposely bumping his broad arms due to your height, of course it didn’t phase him but you were to petty and prideful to turn away and scowl at him more. Ghost on the other hand stared at your retreating form, his gaze solemn and softer - he missed you but you weren’t you.

“I wish you would’ve told me,” he mumbles underneath his breath, unfolding his arms as he rests them at his side.

“You don’t know what you’re asking me to admit,” the echoes of your hollow words hitting him hard.

He knows what you did to your parents, he now knows the same abuse you faced when you were kids and it pained him that he never figured it out, oblivious to all the signs. Regret that he couldn’t comfort you.

“You can’t save me and just leave me to bleed, Simon,” younger you chuckle as you play dead on the ground in your parent’s backyard with a makeshift castle out of cardboard, Simon dressed up as a knight in shining armour, defeating the dragon but it had left you falling to your doom.

Simon giggles at your silliness as you play dead, he began to tickle you until you’re both chasing one another, laughing and screaming as you take turns tickling one another. Collapsing after tiring yourselves out onto the grass while you both stared up into the sky, your hands intertwined together platonically.

“We’ll always be together, right?” you smile towards Simon while he gives you a small smile back, one of his front tooth being gone.

“Always!” he chuckles.

The innocence you both shared nothing but a faded memory as you stare up at the sky, no longer the pretty blue that you remembered all those years ago, Simon was still at your side. His body laid next to yours as you both get covered in your blood, his hand holding onto yours, his mask off his head as you both lay there on the ground.

You had been shot, a vital organ being pierced through with the bullet and there was no way to save you from your demise.

You weren’t scared, you were never scared whenever you’re with Simon Riley and that’s who Ghost was now, he was your Simon Riley and you were you, no longer hiding behind a call sign. Both of you enjoying your last moments together, him dying all over again as Simon Riley and you dying as yourself all these years ago. Finally able to join your parents in the fire down below.

“You know, I thought it was never gonna end with us together,” you glances towards him, his eyes glancing towards yours, he doesn’t respond but thinks about the situation. You chuckle weakly at his lack of response, classic Simon, which makes you cough up blood.

Seeing you in this state he lightly chuckle himself as he thinks about it as Simon, no longer Ghost as he watches his childhood friend and interest, die next to him. Another painful memory to add for his nightmares and night terrors, knowing he’ll remember your face as you fade away from him, him regretting that he didn’t seek you out, protecting you from the world like all he did when he was younger. His heart was weeping and aching while he tightly held your hand, feeling the beat of your heart diminishing and your skin slowly going cold by the second.

“Maybe it could’ve, if I wasn’t such a coward,” he covers his eyes with his arm as he hides the tears that threatened to fall, maybe things would’ve been different if he had just…

“I don’t regret meeting you,” your voice hoarse while you look back up at the sky, a small smile plastered on your lips, Simon removing his arm as he looks at your features, imbedding it into his head before he loses you. “I never did.”

His heart swelled, his eyes softening, his other hand slowly placing itself on your cheek and guides it to face him. Both of your eyes locked together, the countdown of final moments starting now, you could feel yourself slipping away, away from the cruel world that you were birthed into and away from the one person you ever dared to get close to and reunite again. Both of you knew this was the end of the troublemaker duo who both fought against the world, the world fighting back to take one of them down.

“I’m still not afraid,” you whispered out, your chest slowly lifting up and down as you get weaker. “Not when I’m with you…”

Your eyelids slowly lower themselves as you give a final delicate smile, the rain slowly inviting itself into the pity party, starting out with small raindrops landing onto their bodies. Your hand’s grip slowly loosening around Simon’s but he held on tighter, though you no longer felt the tightness as your nerves fail to respond to the pain.

Simon holds his breath as he watches you take a few more slow breathes, his heart aching at the sight of you fighting for a little bit more time to be with him, to stay with him and yet he was a coward to even think of a response to say, he needed something to say. He brushes the hair that covered your beautiful face that he adored, ignoring the blood on your lips, he grazes his lips over yours, a delicate kiss for the Princess he couldn’t protect.

“I’ll see you again, even if we’re dead…”

The faint sound of your last breath cuts the air with silence, the rain pouring down onto both of you and other corpses, the blood being merged into the dirt and mud, his hands still holding onto yours, the warmth long gone. This was the true resting ground where Simon Riley had died, next to the person who he couldn’t have and never will.

Ghost stood up as he was reborn once more, this time colder, meaner and heartless.

The one he loved had his heart in their shared grave.

A/N: hehe used all the prompts as sentences, fun.

Host(s): @xxshadowbabexx

#cod-z #call of duty fanfiction #call of duty x reader #cod mw x reader #cod x reader #cod x you #modern warfare x reader #cod fanfic #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #angst/no comfort #angst #simon ghost x reader #simon riley #simon ghost x you #ghost x reader #ghost cod #ghost mw2

[sidsinning]

the movie aint better ya goofs (don't read if you don't wanna hear my slander lol,,,)

"Movie!Gabriel is better than show!Gabriel because he actually cares for his son and gets redeemed"

istg this fandom's obsession with redemption needs to END

Morally better character ≠ better writing

Can I just get a piece of media that tells kids "hey, ur abusive parent was an asshole, and even if they had humanity you do not need to reconcile and forgive them in the end" bc I feel like that's what show!Gabriel leans towards which is great

Gabriel barely talks to Adrien in the movie and suddenly when he sees him under CN's mask his entire reign of terror, his determination to see his dead wife again ends in a tearful hug lmao come on now

("but the ending where Adrien suddenly loves his dad again???"- Astruc has been pretty blunt on Twitter that this perfect society you see in S5's ending is built off of a lie, so Adrien is def not gonna just keep that view)

"Adrien actually stands up to his dad in the movie!"

Movie!Adrien is legit a normal human boy, not a sentimonster who is literally physically incapable of fighting back against whoever has his amok

He DOES fight back (even in S1 as CN!), but people like to remember the show only up to S3. Guess what, he learns to fight back and stand up for himself through his growing bonds and relationships with those around him through character development ✨✨✨

Also, he is an abused kid??? In the show?? How can you knock him down a peg for not fighting back,,, 😭 Adrien's lesson isn't that he needs to learn how to fight back, it's that Nathalie shoulda called cps sooner!!! In the movie they are much more of an estranged father-son pair than anything abusive. So obviously the back talk is much easier too. Movie!Adrien gets to go out alone and with friends unless his dad has specifically planted an enemy where he is. Show!Adrien has been beaten, mind controlled, forced to hurt Marinette, isolated and locked up, etc.- he has been TERRIFIED of his dad multiple times.

"Marinette isn't an obsessive stalker in this!"

SIGH.

Man I am so sick of this complaint- the show has never rewarded Marinette for her obsessive behavior. BC IT IS A CHARACTER FLAW. One they use for cringe comedic purposes, but a flaw nonetheless. Every time she has done anything that hurts others in pursuit of Adrien she is punished by the writers. And bc the show has an episodic monster-of-the-week format, this plot is recycled a lot (which is its own complaint). And guess what? SHE STOPS BEING OBSESSIVE. YEAH. SHE STOPS DOING THAT SHIT- so what do you want now??? She grew out of it after it costs her the miraculous so why tf are yalls still hurling this at her like its a L,,,,

This Marinette is just a watered down boring version of show!Marinette. She's just a girl who gets insecure at times but grows confident bc she's Ladybug. Ok. So is our Marinette but MORE. Our Marinette is super smart, creative, resourceful, an overthinker, extremely kind and selfless to others, gets jealous and reckless when her emotions get the better of her, etc. She is fully formed even after watching just 3 episodes of S1.

Like the fact that they didn't even bother to include the oh so important hook of the show- her lucky charm power- shows they didn't care about doing this story justice- its so transparently lazy writing 💀 (miraculous of creation where??? CN gets cataclysm for destruction but what is movie!LB bringing to the yin yang table,,,)

Legitimately all the comparisons I'm hearing from people saying the movie is better are from those who just aren't caught up with the show where Marinette is no longer toxically obsessive with Adrien, where the plot/lore is insane but 10000000x better and more creative than what the movie gave us, the love square was much better developed EVEN FROM JUST THE ORIGINS EPISODES, etc. Istg these people stopped at S3 where the show was at its worst (if I were to pinpoint it)

Everything is so watered down or changed for the worse

Adrienette bonding was 1 conversation and 2 seconds about his mom in a voiceless montage. Marinette didn't fall for him bc of his kindness after a misunderstanding, it was bc he looked handsome in the library's light lol. He called her weird and didn't think twice about putting on his earphones to listen to more alpha podcasts. You really do wonder why she likes this dude over her partner CN bc they have no connection at all.

Movie!Adrien was an asshole don't you dare do show!Adrien dirty by comparing him to this ellen degeneres alien lookin mf

When movie!Adrien is crying after Mari reveals herself as LB, unlike the show, here you're like "yeah no you only like her now bc she's LB lol"

Anyways feel free to enjoy what you enjoy but uuuuuhhhh this movie getting a 3/10 for me would not rewatch

Oh wait the good things

-Visuals

-Some Ladynoir scenes were cute, like them playfully fighting with the accidental wall pin

-I liked Ladybug moving away from CN's kiss- nice hint of angst

-Chloe's coffee stain scene

-Luka cameos were cute

songs were bad or mid

ya das it

I guess feel free to talk to me in my inbox about your own thoughts if you wish (respectfully plz)

#ml #mlb #miraculous ladybug #ml movie salt #ml movie #miraculous awakening #sidrabbles #rant #making me dick ride for this show so hard is so sick and twisted but i cant let the germy stans remain unscathed #millionaire corporate ceo is ur manz huh come on now

[thorns-and-rosewings]

And here we shall have the Part 4 of the Reaper King AU💀. With this one explaining some of this families relationships between family members and more of the story I have so far for this AU.

TW: LOTS of mention of murder in this one. Also touching on some really more sensitive topics as well.

-Killcode is not a pacifist at all and indulges his need to hunt and kill regularly. He's not always picky about his targets, he's fine killing animals just as much as people. His particular favorite animals to hunt are Bears (As they fight back and it's a challenge) Mountain Lions, (A mix of speed and strength and a good fight) and Elk. (A prey animal, but extremely fast. Excellent for agility training)

-He does enjoy cooking, but his family often lack the patience and happily eat meat raw... Seeing as how none of them are technically human anymore it's unsurprising their tastes have shifted from their humanity with humans occasionally being on the menu.

-Also they are no longer human and have developed very unnatural powers, KC teaches his adopted children how to make use of their new abilities. Usually against human visitors to their domain.

-For example, in the winter they will find some campers who were stupid enough to get too deep in the woods and Wendigo will exert his power over them... Making it feel 10x colder than it is and an unnatural hunger will overtake their victims. Leading to cannibalistic situations.

-The family usually is nearby watching... Bloodmoon making bets with his sibs on who is gonna live or who dies.

-Its necessary to understand that all of these kids had been through truly horrific experiences prior to being adopted by Killcode and Bloodmoon. They each happily have rejected living amongst humans ever again and essentially shed their humanity, resulting in their new inhuman forms.

-None have any qualms or cares about killing humans of any sort. BUT they are careful to abide by their fathers laws. Which probably helps anchor them to some shreds of humanity still left within themselves.

-The two older children, Wendigo and Banshee have sometimes discussed their lives prior to their adoption by Killcode and linger on some of the good memories... For Wendigo when his mother was still alive, before he was just left with his abusive father. For Banshee it was when she lived with her grandparents before they passed and she reverted to the care of her drug addict mother and her boyfriend of the week...

-They will even occasionally visit the graves of their deceased loved ones to tend them. Often bringing flowers... KC actually completely understands this and has even helped them find some flowers to leave on the graves before.

-Lycan and Vampire lack any really decent memories of familial figures, having spent most of their lives in crappy foster homes. They only had each other for the longest time and were a bit more of a handful for Killcode in the beginning... But they were in ways very similar to the Bloodtwins, so they were able to forge a bond with Bloodmoon a little faster before eventually accepting KC as much as the rest of their adopted siblings.

-They are the most feral of the formerly-human children, in spite of their young ages they can cause a lot of chaos. Much to the amusement of Bloodmoon.

-Wisp is essentially the odd one out of her family. Not only due to a significant age gap between her and the other kids, but because she was technically brought into the family by BLOODMOON rather than Reaper Killcode.

-Believe me this was a shock to EVERYONE

-Short version is that Bloodmoon was hunting and had been planning on breaking his fathers laws... He'd been stalking a young family with multiple children but the youngest was clearly treated with disdain than any of the other loved children. The older children were left at the campsite while the parents went to spend some quality time with the youngest... Who looked so happy to be being given attention...

-Until they tried to throw her off of a cliff... actually seeming to succeed. Only to turn around and get ripped apart by the extremely angry murderous animatronic...

-Something about being singled out to be unloved by a parental figure, whereas others were given affection just sent him into a manic episode.

-But she survived, courtesy of a branch jutting out from the cliff. Now Bloodmoon did retrieve her, but he planned on killing her (Quickly though; an odd mercy from him) But the way she clung onto him and cried... Even when he put his hands on her neck to snap it... He just couldn't do it.

-So he brought her home.

-Obviously getting the story, KC was initially pissed that Bloody intended to disobey him... But... He let it slide because it became clear that he IS learning some restraint. And he accepted this new addition to the family with open arms.

-For a bit she was particularly clingy to Bloodmoon which was understandable, but made him regret his mercy... But in a bit of time it evens out to her being clingy to all of her new family. And she mutates into her 'Wisp' form extremely quickly.

-Once mutated she resembles a girl made of a tongue of blue flame. She regularly floats around her siblings and her size is apparently negotiable. With her often becoming very small. She might be able to grow but doesn't seem to want to... But her power as a Will O'Wisp means she can lead anyone to anything. Which means she can find anyone hiding in the woods.

-She is undefeated in Hide and Seek.

-Even though time has passed she is still particularly close to Bloody. And he does make use of her ability to find prey for him... But he also genuinely likes her company.

-Now getting back to recent times...

-Shortly after the adoption of the baby, Killcode has to significantly reduce his hunting time, due to the fact he had to care for a newborn which required more attention. The whole family did help out as well, which drove down the amount of disappearances and deaths in the park.

-During this lull in deaths... A new Forest Ranger was hired. A nice soul... Who genuinely doesn't know what they just got into.

(I literally have no clue about a name or really anything about this character yet. So this part is pretty incomplete atm sorry 😅)

-After lasting longer at this job than most, this individual opts to walk the trails... Just as a thick fog is rolling in.

-At this time though, the older kids are watching the baby so KC can go for a hunt with Bloodmoon. And amongst the swirling mists, this Park Ranger encounters the Reaper King face to face.

-But something happens...

-Killcode gazes at this individual and just... Freezes up... Much to the confusion of Bloodmoon and the human escapes. But KC stops Bloodmoon from hunting them down.

-Bloody is not upset, actually way more concerned about his father as this has never happened before. And KC is clearly unnerved as well. Because he doesn't know what happened himself...

-Over the next few weeks, Killcode is staking out the ranger station. He's delibrately observing this human... And he's pretty confused about why he actually feels something, let alone how the more he observes them... The more this feeling grows.

-He's worrying his kids.

-But Bloodmoon groans as it hits him... And he drafts Wisp and Ban to help him with a project.

-He has Wisp steal the humans phone... He needs to make sure something is there... (And it was) While Ban acquired a laptop.

-After this all the kids encouraged KC to go out and hunt by himself. To get his mind off things. Frankly he suspected they were up to something but he did go off to hunt.

-Once he left, all the kids gathered around their eldest brother and the laptop...

Wendigo: So... What exactly are we doing?

Bloodmoon: Something we never imagined we'd be doing... Ever...

Vamp: Ordering a veggie pizza?

Bloodmoon: No... Far worse...

Banshee: What-?

Bloodmoon: 😒 We're going to set up a Tinder Profile for our father...

#tsams #tsams au #fnaf #fnaf au #the sun and moon show #dca au #dca #sun and moon show #tsams bloodmoon #sams bloodmoon #sams bloodtwins #tsams bloodtwins #the sun and moon show killcode #sun and moon show bloodmoon #sun and moon show killcode #sams killcode #kill code moon #killcode #tsams killcode #Killcode kc #fnaf kill code #Sadly Bloodmoon realized what was going on and remembered that the previous Killcode had that app #He loves KC and wants him to be happy... unfortunately he is really weirded out by this #Reaper King AU

[sweetescapeartist]

MORE ABOUT AYA MATSUI

DISCLAIMER: This is not meant to attack Matsui nor any of the others who previously worked on the series (or those who currently work on the series). This is just to aid us in having an understanding of why Yamcha & Krillin are viewed in a negative light by the fandom. No hate towards them & we shouldn't harass any of them. We understand how things come about so that we can present corrections & prevent misinformation when appropriate by using discretion.

HER MISUNDERSTANDING OF VEGEBUL & DISDAIN FOR YAMCHA:

DBZ filler EP 124 & 125 were written by Aya Matsui. She is OBVIOUSLY a Vegeta fangirl who seems to not like Yamcha very much. In those episodes, Matsui writes for Bulma's parents talk about how amazingly strong Vegeta is and how good looking he is.

And without valid reason, Bulma was written to care WAY too much for the guy who threatened to kill her more than once, treated her like dirt, & was responsible for the death and torment of her friends.

And its revealed in the filler that Bulma wanted attention from her boyfriend AND a genocidal maniac who threatened her life multiple times. And the previous threat on her life was recent.

This filler honestly made Bulma look worse than she was in the manga. Bulma was horny & dumb in the manga and regretted her actions. DBZ filler made Bulma appear as if she developed Stockholm Syndrome for Vegeta along with her Hybristophilia (sexual interest & attraction to criminals; Bandit Yamcha, Zarbon in filler, Vegeta).

Matsui appears to have been one of the many who believed the lie Future Bulma told Future Trunks & then wrote for Bulma to fall for Vegeta in an unbelievable way before Toriyama revealed what REALLY happened. In reality, Bulma stupidly slept with Vegeta anyway despite him being evil & genocidal because she was horny and currently single after breaking up with Yamcha again. Then, Bulma couldn't stand Vegeta for years.

Aya Mastui & Toei had jumped the gun because they didn't know that Toriyama planned for Bulma to to regret sleeping with Vegeta. It WAS NOT some romantic story. There was no love between them when it began. They both hated each other after their one night stand & only came to care for each other over the span of many years due to Future Trunks.

It's a unique romance story that many VegeBul fans ignore for some reason in favor of a prince saving her from an abusive boyfriend when the prince was the actual abuser & so was she. Them forming a relationship due to their son from the future? No other DB couple has that kind of story.

Meanwhile, Yamcha gets ignored for the most part in DBZ EP 124 & 125 unless it was to make him look bad so that the currently evil Vegeta looked better. These two filler episodes were simply VEGETA WANKING. Just evidence of Matsui being a fan of Vegeta's design, but not understanding the character. And just as she did not understand the character well, most Vegeta fans don't understand him either & only like the husk of the character.

Nothing wrong with being a Vegeta fangirl or fanboy. Just pointing out a fact & how it skewed Matsui's depiction of reality in this & other instances. I just wonder why there aren't many fangirls/fanboys of End of Z Vegeta? That's my favorite Vegeta. Vegeta fans try to make evil Vegeta like EoZ Vegeta, so why not be a fan of the developed version of him instead of taking away development from the so-called "most developed character"? Seems unreasonable & illogical to me. Matsui seems to have became a fan of EoZ Vegeta with how she wrote GT Vegeta to behave.

But, back to her dislike for Yamcha...

Matsui wrote the filler scene of DBZ EP 70 where Bulma has a dartboard with Yamcha's face on it when Krillin & Gohan are searching for her.

That dartboard was not present in the manga. And why would Bulma have that after she cried over Yamcha's death and went to Namek to bring him back to life? Makes her look worse than when she didn't take accountability for the arguments she started with Yamcha as she briefly fantasized about Goku for a moment on Namek in the original manga.

I personally believe that back then, Matsui may have felt some sort of connection with Bulma in some way (not saying for a fact), but she didn't understand the character well (as many Bulma fans don't) & didn't realize that Bulma started the arguments instead of Yamcha. Then, Matsui gave Bulma a "Yamcha dartboard" in the episode she adapted.

HER DISDAIN FOR KRILLIN:

LASTLY... Aya Matsui also seemed to not like Krillin very much either as shown by DBZ EP 117 where Krillin is treated as a joke for most of the episode, Malon treats Krillin poorly, & she flirts with other guys right in front of him (even with Krillin's close friend Yamcha). Then, in DBZ EP 167, there is a scene that has Yamcha & Krillin training to fight Cell, and both are treated as clumsy jokes rather than highly skilled martial artists. But, Krillin is treated as more of a joke than Yamcha as Yamcha mocks then kicks him in the face.

So, Matsui seemed to have strongly disliked Yamcha, but disliked Krillin a bit more. Why do I say so? BECAUSE Matsui was the head writer of DBGT where Krillin and his family are inaccurately portrayed. Marron & others were written to behave like Bulma & Krillin is almost always insulted by his wife & daughter. And Yamcha is mostly absent for the entire series. She is also one of the ppl who worked under Takao Koyama; the headwriter for DBZ who strongly disliked Krillin. So, Koyama, Matsui, Kubota, & others of Koyama's "underlings" who worked on DBZ & GT wrote episodes that depicted both Krillin & Yamcha in negative ways.

So, thanks to Koyama, Matsui, & others, many fans do not understand Yamcha nor Krillin and have a false depiction of them which in many cases resulted in undue hatred of the characters.

Again, this is not to attack Matsui or anyone else. Just gathering information to share an understanding as to why filler scenes in DBZ have negatively impacted the perception of certain characters for all of these years. First we must know & understand, then we correct the perception in our own unique ways when the opportunity presents itself.

#Aya Matsui #Vegeta #Bulma #Yamcha #Krillin #DBZ filler #DBGT #DBZ #DB #DB fandom

[kienansidhe]

hi, im kienan! im the current host of the disaster hearts system. we are a korean american body with dissociative identity disorder and have had multiple diff hosts over the course of this blogs run. i or some variation of me have been host since around 2017-18ish. for transparencys sake, the body is 25+. do not ask abt age specifics please.

we are a survivor of csa trauma, parental abuse, religious and cult abuse, and generally very traumatized, and our experience of life is irrevocably colored by that lens.

we are disabled and unable to hold a job ever since we got long covid in april of 2020. we are fully dependent on our partners, working on our disability application, and still coming to terms with the reality of being probably permanently disabled.

unless otherwise specified it is probably some variation of kienan speaking.

-♡♡♡-

i, kienan, am queer and i prefer to be addressed by strangers with he/they/it or fae/faeself pronouns. i dont rlly care which of those you use, tho, no need to rotate or anything.

some other labels that generally describe me: nonbinary, transmasc, gnc, cuntboy, [redacted], [redacted], femme, femboy, genderweird, bi, aro/ace with a couple exceptions, sex favorable, kink obligate, freak, degenerate, pervert.

i currently have 4 partners, referred to here as prettyboyfriend, nesting boyfriend, girlfriend/daddy, and moirail.

no dni, i think theyre stupid and the only ppl i would not want to interact would not respect dnis anyways lmao. if i have a problem with you i will just say so or block you or whatever.

some of my beliefs and what to expect on this blog are under the cut.

i believe in rehabilitation and compassion, full stop. yes, even for those people. i think that othering and dehumanizing others sucks, that thoughts do not define you (yes, even those thoughts), and that the only thing that matters is your actions.

i think callouts are never helpful, ever. ive literally never seen one do anything helpful or good.

i try my best to interact with others in good faith, and i expect the same in return.

we were homeschooled in a cult and our education was heavily ~moderated~ to keep us brainwashed, and every time i think ive rooted out all the misinfo new stuff comes up. please be patient with me if i ask stupid questions, i literally am stupid. i have so much literal actual brain damage. i will do my best to be open minded, i rlly want to learn!

i believe that the best ways to combat csa are better sex education, breaking down the sanctity of the nuclear family, youth liberation (more legal rights and self advocacy for children), and not clogging child abuse report portals with fucking fictional art, jesus h christ.

medicalization of identities sucks. sysmeds, transmeds, im sorry youre miserable but thats not an excuse for trying to make everyone else miserable with you.

labels are only useful insofar as they help you connect with others like you and form solidarity in order to combat systemic oppression. if labels make you angry or miserable, consider not taking them so seriously.

its okay to just dislike ppl. its not always that deep. trying to come up with moral reasons to justify disliking ppl is rlly fucking catholic.

dont talk to me abt christianity. im aware that my trauma affects my ability to be compassionate in this area, so im staying in my lane. in fact probably dont talk to me abt religion in general.

im not a proshipper or an anti i touch grass <3, HOWEVER:

antishipping / purity politics / anti-kink / whatever you wanna call it, ppl equating fictional depictions of Obvious Bad Things with condoning, supporting, or normalizing them in real life are fucking stupid and have done unbelievable amounts of damage that has now reached far beyond fandom and kink circles. get a life, for fucks sake.

ppl who call themselves proshippers and then go around harassing antis are fucking stupid and have lost the original spirit of the term proship / anti-anti, which hinged around not harassing or harming others over fiction. get a life, for fucks sake.

just be kind. dont be a dick. treat others how you wanna be treated. we are all traumatized but thats not an excuse to be cruel. leave the world better than you found it.

youre gonna make mistakes. you just are. youre not perfect and also the world is complex. remember that you cant help everyone. try your best but dont lose yourself in the process.

art is everything. the act of creation is holy. more progress is made by creating -- building communities, making art, growing plants, building houses, building relationships -- than by tearing things down. there is probably a time and place for violence, destroying oppressive systems, bombing weapons factories, but if we arent creating a positive, healthy society alongside the destruction we are just leaving fertile ground for new oppressive structures to take root. create. create. create.

-♡♡♡-

many hosts has left a chaotic mess of tags on this blog but here are some we use pretty consistently:

#headspace: original posts. diary rambling, random thoughts, actual semi coherent opinions, anything

#my face: the body

#humans are good actually: reminders

#recovery things: mental health help

#important: there is so much stuff in this tag

#bookmark: too much here too lol

#feel better: just fluffy stuff

#vine: general funny video tag

#about, #me kin id, #i ghostwrote this post: stuff we relate to rlly hard + uquiz tags lol

#posts that are funnier when plural

#pinned #headspace #my face #humans are good actually #recovery things #important #bookmark #feel better #vine #about #me kin id #i ghostwrote this post #posts that are funnier when plural #sorry this is so long idk how to make things not long #will probs edit as i remember stuff

[choppedupnotkilled]

Do you have any headcanons for Arthur Denton?

I saw this one headcanon (I don't remember where from) that he's from the galaxy Transylvania, which I love and fully accept as canon. It's especially funny considering that the town in The Rocky Horror Picture Show is called Denton. To go along with this I headcanon him as a he/it demiboy. And because he's referred to with it/its pronouns in canon. I used to headcanon him as gay but I switched to him being bi because it worked better for my fic Grow Hard For Me. Also for that fic I came up with the idea of him being a dental assistant (even though that contradicts with the lore of the 1960 movie, it works better for what I was doing there) and basically a fuckboy who hits up multiple dentists a week in addition to occasional tattoo artists and managing to get picked up/pick people up at bars for his masochistic shenanigans.

He mostly uses them as tools for his pleasure and doesn't care about them emotionally beyond getting somewhat attached to people who are dominant and aggressive like he likes, but his like of them is moreso based on what they can do for them than actually liking them as people. His primary physical types are otters (slim hairy men, kinda like bears but not fat, what Orin has going on basically) and essentially what Audrey has going on, but he won't be attracted to people with those body types or any body types unless they're dominant and forceful, and if they are that'll override them not having his preferred physical types by far. Actually he can basically be attracted to anyone who is dominant and forceful (...and, y'know, an adult) and frequently forms superficial, short-lived 'crushes' that are mostly based on what he wants the other person to do to him sexually.

He would have the potential to form these crushes on Mushnik (appropriately forceful and dominant looking), Audrey (does take charge often outside of the context of her abusive relationships as can be seen with her coming up with the plan to use the plant to save the shop and basically being the ringleader there), and Twoey (would 100% be his one true love, this ship is so underrated), but not Seymour (just look at him, not even the murder can make up for all that.) He is borderline aromantic and would only experience romantic attraction/love/a desire for a monogamous romantic relationship in extremely specific circumstances that could basically only happen with an Arthur Denton x Twoey scenario (another creature not only thriving from his pain but also being made from the product of it, his blood, thus creating an extremely strong bond in his very idiosyncratic worldview), which is what Grow Hard For Me is.

I have some alternate headcanons/interpretation based on the premise of him being in love with Orin, like his childhood paralleling Orin's in that his parents were appalled by his masochistic shenanigans and tried and failed to get him to grow out of them, him being the one who called the police to report Orin missing (I didn't come up with this one but I don't remember where I saw it), and him having a delusional wish/expectation that Orin will return and save him from the drudgery of Skid Row, paralleling Audrey's desire for Seymour to do the same that she very much did not think would ever happen.

Shout out to this fic, this person also gets the potential of Arthur Denton x Twoey

And here's Grow Hard For Me :)

#lsoh #little shop of horrors #audrey lsoh #seymour lsoh #arthur denton #lsoh twoey #orin lsoh #mr. mushnik #orin x arthur denton #seymour x audrey #lsoh headcanon #personal post #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #lsoh fanfic #demiboy #bisexual #aromantic #the rocky horror picture show

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

Hiii, bilingual-beast-boy here!

As a fellow DP comics Gar lover, I wanted to hear some of your thoughts on Nicholas Galtry and Gar.

Specifically, I'm really curious about your reasoning for why Gar would have stayed with Galtry despite how abusive the man was.

Like with his powers, you'd think Gar could have gotten away from him if he really wanted to (which, clearly he did). His green skin makes him stick out like a sore thumb in public, which would make it difficult to hide from authorities (or even a private investigator Galtry may hire with his inheritance if Galtry was really desperate) if he ran away, but it's not like a pair of handcuffs would be able to stop him.

Maybe Gar just didn't want to run away if he would constantly be in hiding, or maybe Gar wasn't sure what would happen to his inheritance if he ran away? I don't know much about inheritance law, and neither would Gar tbh, but I can totally see 1) Nicholas telling Gar that all of his parents' money would automatically go to him if he ever ran away, and 2) Gar loathing the idea of his parents' money going to that creep.

Or, alternatively, maybe Gar never tried running away because deep down he thought he deserved it? Gar definitely has that self-hating, self-induced penitence streak about him, but I'm not sure if it would have been that strong when he was with Galtry. I feel like that streak really started going strong after the DP died, and we can clearly see his hatred of Galtry and his desperation to get out of Galtry's care in the comics.

Anyway, not sure if you'd ever thought about this before, but I can't come up with a solid enough answer on my own and was curious about your thoughts :)

i think honestly the biggest reason he never tried running away is bc... leaving an abusive situation, especially as a CHILD, is fucking terrifying!! people stay in abusive situations bc abuse makes them more afraid to LEAVE than to stay and suffer, often it takes YEARS for even grown adults to work up the courage to leave, so a kid with NO ONE and nothing to run to? no friends, no family to hide with to stay safe? yeah, its no wonder he didnt try to run...

but i do think that youre right in the way that, in some way, he thought he deserved it. i dont know exactly how long he lived with galtry, but i know how young he was when his parents died, and being RAISED by someone like that definitely makes you believe you arent worth much, or that how THEY treat you is still better than whatever you'll find elsewhere, the old "nobody will ever care about you as much as me" shtick ykno?

the fact he tried going to the DP at all is incredibly brave, especially after being turned away MULTIPLE TIMES, after being told they didn't believe him, that his situation couldnt be as bad as he says (another reason victims fear going to anyone for help, not being BELIEVED) he still kept coming back! bc even despite all that, theyre still the only people who have shown him any kind of understanding or care...

tbh i really need to read more to have more Clear Concise Thoughts on the situation, but god damn gar's life is... rough to think about. its actually an incredibly ACCURATE portrayal of abuse, both in the forms it takes, AND in the ways it affects gar's psyche, personality, behavior etc ... it hurts me but its actually really well written in my opinion

#asks #gar logan #Garfield logan #beastboy #nicholas galtry #doom patrol

[thecataclysmic6]

hey! So uh, I think I might be a system, but can't find any good information anywhere, and was wondering if you could help! I was wondering what it felt like to be a system, and what the roles are and what they do, and if you can be a system without having trauma(actuly still debating that, parents might have been verbally abusive)

Sorryuf this is insensitive or something, I just dint know where else to go.

Hi there! I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to reach out to us for information! Sorry for the late post, we've been dealing with personal issues and wanted to be able to give you a (hopefully) decent answer. At the bottom of the post I've included a few terms to help your research in the future!

As always I'm not a doctor, I'm a patient. I'm not here to diagnose you and I am fallible so there may be somethings I get wrong from time to time. This is gonna be a long post so buckle up!

So what is a system? When a child is young around the age of 6-10 give or take, a child's personality develops in sections. Overtime, in a healthy child these parts will come together to form one whole person. However if a traumatic incident happens while the personality is still forming, barriers may be created between the parts and may prevent them from becoming one whole person, but rather separate personalities developing on their own. After the original separation, the brain may feel inclined to do so again with future traumas even after the age of 10. As for whether or not this can happen without trauma, is something that I'll cover below.

What does being a system from there feel like? Once these personalities are separate, they often take on their own identities. Between me and my alters, we all have different likes, wants, and feelings. We may have differening opinions and sometimes don't get along. For us, its less of having friends in our head who do things for us but rather a group project that noone seems to know what the assignment is. I personally am a part of an OSDD-1B system, so my experiences may differ slightly from systems where amnesia between alters is higher. Some systems go a long time before even knowing there are other parts.

So, what are system roles? System roles help describe to others or even to a main alter in charge how each member functions in the system. These roles are not strict by any means and you should never force an individual alter into complying with a role. Think of them as descriptors rather than forced jobs that alters MUST do.

Here's a few roles as we understand them. Hosts and co-hosts often are the alters who take care of most day to day life and tend to be some of the most frequent fronters. Protectors are alters who's main goal is to protect the rest of the system from danger or trauma. Caretakers are alters who's main goal is to take care of the rest of the body/system. Persecutors are alters who's actions often intentionally harm the body or system. Littles are just alters who are stuck at a childlike state or age. These are only a few common ones and not every system will have all of the above.

As for whether or not someone can be a system without trauma? This is where things get tricky. CDDs such as DID and OSDD are covert disorders stemming from trauma. These disorders are formed intentionally to keep trauma hidden to keep the rest of the system safe. Now. I would like to say something very serious. Do NOT go looking for trauma. Especially not without the help of a guided professional such as a trauma therapist or psychologist. It takes a very strong mindset and if you are not ready to face anything of that degree then you will need a strong support system to fall back into. So do not go looking for trauma to justify being a system.

Here's some terms that I think might help you to do some research into! Again try your best to look outside of blog spaces and use multiple sources to cross check if available.

As for whether or not a nonCDD system can exist without trauma? It's theoretically possible. It's still under alot of research and discrepancy if I'm being honest. And likely our experiences as systems would be very different. Personally I can't speak too well on this front as I myself am formed from trauma. I implore you to do research into this topic outside of tumblr and syscourse spaces as there is misinformation everywhere here. But that's all I will say on this topic.

DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder)

OSDD (Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder, type 1a and 1b specifically)

CDD (complex dissociative disorders)

ANPs (Apparently Normal Parts)

EPs (Emotional Parts)

Alters or Parts

System Roles

Protectors

Persecutors

Caretaker/caregivers

Littles

Introjects

Fictives and Factives

Nonhuman Alters

Dissociation

Dissociative Amnesia

If someone else believes I missed anything or wants to add, I encourage it! (Please no syscourse funny business though)

And of course anon, I hope this post helped a bit and I wish you luck on your journey about discovering things about systems and maybe something about yourself.

#anon #oh god i feel like i rambled #osdd #osdd system #did #system #osdd 1b #alters #osdd1b #ask answered #🐈‍⬛️

[one-abuse-survivor]

How do I tell the difference between my parents being abusive and them just fucking it up? I don't want to overdramatize my issues but I feel like I COULD, like maybe it is what my mom says, and they just fuck up sometimes and I just don't understand what its like to be a parent. But I do understand what its like to be their kid and it fucking sucks but I don't know if it sucks enough to pass into abuse territory. How would I tell? Are there like, books I could read on it or something? - Z

Hi, nonnie ❤️

I haven't read any books that talk about this issue in particular, but I have talked about this in therapy, and I can tell you what I know. And what I know is that there is no "difference". Abusive behaviours don't stop being abusive just because they were fuck-ups on the abuser's part.

Truth is, the majority of abusers out there aren't heartless monsters who thrive on torturing others. Most abusers are regular people, capable of good, who also happen to have harmful behaviours. But, because they see those behaviours as them genuinely messing up and not as intentional or malicious, they feel they shouldn't be held accountable, because obviously they didn't mean any harm. They were just having a bad day, or expressing their own emotions, or trying their best with the limited tools they had. Or maybe they were just very tired and stressed. Ultimately, they were being human, and therefore (in their minds) any colateral damage they might have caused is justified.

I know multiple people whose abusive parents have claimed "yes, we mess up sometimes, but you have no idea how hard it is to be a parent" when confronted about the harm they caused. It's not an uncommon thing for abusers to say, and for abusers to truly believe.

And, right, being a parent is probably incredibly difficult. I'm not one, so I can't speak from experience. And it's true that no parent is absolutely perfect and they all make mistakes. But if your kid tells you something you did hurt them, you can always choose to listen, to apologise, and to care about your kid's feelings. You can always try to be a bit better today than you were yesterday, and this kind of situation can even help you grow closer to your kid.

If, instead, you decide that your kid's negative emotions toward yourself are accusatory and unfair and manipulative... You're not just denying the hurt you've already caused, but also actively causing more hurt and building a foundation for even more hurt to be caused moving forward.

Nonnie, it may be true you don't know what it's like to be a parent. But as you said, you do know what it's like to be their kid and it fucking sucks. You're getting hurt, and that's what matters—not their intentions. And just from the information you gave in this ask about their reaction to you expressing your hurt, the red flags of abuse are absolutely there. I would even go as far as to say that denying your emotions like this and framing them as accusatory, manipulative, and exaggerated is a form of emotional abuse, in and of itself.

Maybe some of my followers have book recs to help you navigate this. You can also go through some of the posts in the masterlist linked in my bio that might help you identify some of your parents' behaviours as things like emotional abuse, victim-blaming, gaslighting, etc. And you're always free to send more asks if you need more help navigating this.

Sending a big virtual hug ❤️

#Ask #Z anon #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive parents #Emotional abuse tw

[resilientkitteh]

The Unnoticed Toll

TW: This is going to mention abuse, neglect, and a dead parent. As well as just parents being bad, the idea that not everyone should have kids, and mention of inherited genetic traits. Read on at your own risk.

Okay so we all know that the nuclear family isn't something that is real for everyone. So many of us are born into unsafe or destructive homes, and a lot of us have to fight to survive. But this isn't a post just about abuse and how prevalent it is and how no one wants to talk about it or act like it's fucking real when those of us who survived it know how real it is. This is about the part that a lot of people don't ever seem to think about. And honestly until recently I didn't realize just how extreme of a difference it made.

So most of the people who are abused as kids are also neglected in some way, shape or form as well, if not multiple forms. One that I realized recently as my body is slowly giving out due to crappy af genetics, is how many issues, bodily problems etc, can be dismissed, go unnoticed or ignored when you are abused. For example, if my mother had died earlier...I don't think I would have ever gotten glasses until the school forced my bio dick to get them. When they broke and I was in elementary school, I didn't get a replacement for MONTHS.

Now then imagine my surprise at not even being middle aged and needing surgery because my hips have a weird AF genetic condition...which can be found and corrected WHEN YOU ARE A KID. You know...if your parent isn't actively trying to kill you, or scaring you into believing that. Or if your next guardian actually believed you. I was diagnosed with asthma in elementary school and didn't get my first inhaler until I was in college and could pay for it myself. Because "if you were really an asthmatic you would know how to use the inhaler properly the first time." And my doctor couldn't force the evil woman to buy me one! I played sports, I did the stupid PE shit, and I kept having asthma attacks and I could have died from the negligence and NOTHING happened. No ONE did anything.

Back to my point...for kids like me, I rolled my ankles allllll the time, I could have had orthodics to help that...I could have gone to PT to help all my joints stabilize. They could have looked into my hypermobility...but they didn't care. So I did sports that were especially hard on my body because I didn't know any better. I put myself at risk in sports because I needed to get out of my house for as long as I could. For a decent chunk of my life I had food and shelter and clothes (though there were times I didn't because I was being abused) but besides the basic needs *minus safety and good sleep) being met...so many things that could have helped future me, kept me strong and set me up for success...medically and physically...were ignored and neglected. And to me, that is something we should talk about more. It's not just the emotional and mental toll we take as we are living in unsafe environments, its the medical neglect and the physical tolls all that abuse takes on our bodies that should be talked about as well. And if no one else is going to talk about it...I fucking will.

#cptsdwarrior #tw abuse #tw neglect #tw bad parents #do better

[enzoid23]

Gonna improve some older OCs I have in this post lol

So if someone who saw me rp in that one ask blog as them sees this, hi lol they're getting changed!

Original

They were called Nerezza and Luna, Nerezza went by Ezza. Ezza was like 7 and Luna 12 I think?

Now bare with me but Luna is a shapeshifter and Ezza was supposed to be but like got stuck/never got the ability. She's bummed out by this and to make up for it desperately wants to learn to do magic tricks..but the thing is she doesn't know they're tricks and tries to ACTUALLY do them. Logics basically "People without powers do this all the time, so I'll be able to be like my sister if I can do this! :D"

So Luna was also abusive to Ezza, but it was going slow and then WHAM its all at once. It started with being so mild it probably wasn't even abusive just mean, and was a little verbal abuse mixed with lying with stuff easy to cover up, specifically to her. This was out of malice, but a childish malice, not a strongly planned or intended thing.

Luna would also do pranks, normally just pretending to be something else like an object or animal and then once Ezzas convinced she'd show herself. Definitely caused some trust issues in Ezza especially considering that Luna could be people too, the kid didn't know who to trust lol!

And you know they're adopted lol. The parents like coordinate their toxicity because I thought it's be funny, like they go through a "Benevolent beings-nice-okay-eh-rude-mean-cruel" kinda thing back and forth.

They don't have anything from their birth parents and don't know who they are, and they don't care to look.

Both are treated equally and have their own lives, Luna isn't lashing out from abuse she's just a dick.

Okay so here's the cringe parts (imo)..

*Something I literally never considered even making options for happened, I'm almost too embarrassed to type this, corrupting Luna. This does the following:

Forces her into this one weird floaty form

However she was before? 10× worse

Physically, verbally, mentally, all the abuses minus sexual to Ezza

Mostly does the abuse in private but just does not care if people see it

Touching people causes a lot of burning pain and a black mark to show up in the shape of her hand wherever she touched. Does not cause damage but does cause permanent marks and sensitivity to the area. Often does this to Ezza when mad or bored

Can float (her hair saw that ability and decided it wanted to as well. Basically her hair floats on its own at all times lol)

And probably more! I forgot!

(The true cringe is the design I made..)

*Nerezza is a stupid fucker. Not even child dumb but genuinely idiotic. If she grew up she'd never keep a job or finish school she's so dumb. Wanna know why? She tried. The fucking chainsaw, cutting people in half trick. Thinking it was real. MULTIPLE TIMES.

*She feels guilty. Still genuinely thinks she can do it one day but decided to quit brutally killing people until she "works up to it". Luna finds the whole thing hilarious and is the one who convinced Ezza not only to try it once, but that she needed to keep doing it until she got it. So it's not all on Ezza but even when deciding that I was laughing at it

Some old art of them (NOT RECENTLY MADE I PROMISE)

Ezza

Luna, corrupted

not a single.fucking.word

Luna, post-corruption

(Honestly proud of this one though!)

So that's pretty much it there..Onto the new ones!

New Versions

So, not toooo many changes...but basically,

Instead of abusive adopted parents, it's gonna be like maybe negligent or people who don't know how to care for kids but didn't want to give up the baby+toddler on their door step or something? Something like that.

And Luna was still mean but not really from malice, definitely no good intentions but she thought more of fun than how it affected her sister. She loves Ezza but doesn't like her if that makes sense? Not in the sibling dislike way either. Doesn't really like nor dislike, still loves, idk how to explain it...

Ezza did NOT become a serial killer for the sake of magic but still tried to learn to compensate. In this version, Ezza thought of cutting people and Luna shot it down! How the turns have tabled.

Instead of 12 Luna's like 14 because 12 is too young but 15 is too old imo. Immature but aware kinda thing I think

Ezza is still like 7 or 8

Luna still gets that same corruption arc but the design..The design HAS to change. I'll reblog after I figure it out and draw it. She isn't being controlled or anything, it mostly changes abilities and wills and desires. Takes normal guy and makes him a semi-powerful melee sadist with no regards or care for others and can't be redeemed in that state, but still has whatever free will OCs can have. Sooo..subtle control I guess? That's like giving someone a gun with bullets, stripping their morals, making them super angry, and putting them in front of someone they don't like, with no outs, so I guess I can't say it's completely them doing it.

Luna gets somehow broken out of it (I haven't even decided how it HAPPENED how would I decide how it UNhappens?) and has a permanent scar. If she takes form of anything with a face, it has the scar. She can't customize it, has to live with it. Why a scar? Because I like giving characters permanent reminders of their sins they weren't all there to commit. She'll try to get along with Ezza after that but Ezza now has trust issues and a phobia of Luna so that'll take work lol.

Anyways that's it so far, I'll reblog later with the redesigns and any extra info I might remember to add!

#not a reblog #oc #oc redesign #cringe ocs #i still love them though lol #luna needed to be brought down and nerezza broufht up though #luna's more of a kid and ezza's less of an idiot basically #old art

[tonkitopia]

Finch rescue birds 80247

FINCH RESCUE BIRDS 80247 FULL

House finches construct their nests out of various plant matter and, not infrequently. And, as its name suggests, they commonly build their nests on or near houses and other buildings. It frequently visits backyards and bird feeders throughout central and southern North America. Only with education can we hope, in the long haul, to change the hearts and minds of people who don't realize the harm they are doing to these precious animals. The house finch is a widespread and recognizable songbird. What do finches feed their babies depends on their type small ground finches eat seeds, flower buds, and aphids, while the goldfinch loves nyjer and sunflower seeds. Then, after hatching, they both provide food for the baby finches. Louis Avian Rescue - STAR - P O Box 732 Manchester, MO 63011 - email at - Voice Mail Box - 314 995-6233 - An all-volunteer 501 (c) (3) rescue and adoption group formed in 2002, to help homeless birds in the St. There is no short-term solution to end the deluge of abused, neglected and otherwise unwanted birds. After mating, both the mother and the father incubate the eggs. Rescue of bird frozen to fence.While feeding my horses on New Years morning I noticed a solitary finch perched upon the steel fence near the horse water tan. Tonight she showed off her smarts and speed and I’m so happy she’s having fun. The aims of the Society of Canary & Finch Breeders (as a non-profit avicultural organization) are to promote the development, improvement and breeding of Canaries and Finches to assist those engaged in the care and breeding of birds to exhibit at accredited shows to sponsor an annual show and generally, to foster appreciation for and extend knowledge of such birds. From the smallest finch to the largest macaw, every bird is special and deserves to be treated with respect, dignity and love.Īside from taking in surrenders from the general public, NEAR works with local and regional law enforcement as well as SPCA organizations to assist with abuse and neglect cases involving birds. It’s been so rewarding- these magical moments. WMCH has multiple finches within an indoor aviary available for adoption. Finches, Canaries, and their close cousins the. Zebra Finches are also very popular as they are beautiful, common and inexpensive. These birds have an unrivaled ability to control the syrinx muscles in the throat and produce elaborate and melodic songs. When the eggs hatch, both parents help care for the young. The Finches are members of the order Passeriformes, which contains the perching birds. Businesses in the same location Colorado Puppy Rescue of Colorado, 10021 E Iliff Ave, Aurora, CO 80247, Kristen Marie Fallert, African GreyBird. Both parents help brood the eggs during the daytime, and the female stays on the eggs at night. We are committed to providing the very best care and finding safe, loving and permanent homes for all the birds that come into our shelter. After mating, a female lays a clutch of about 48 eggs. NEAR began operations in October 2013 and currently receives between 150 and 200 parrots and exotic pet birds annually. All of those who love birds and pets are.

FINCH RESCUE BIRDS 80247 FULL

Finches can be found in just about any color and the number of beautiful species is mind-boggling. We offer a full selection of exotic birds, bird accessories and food as well as a complete list of grooming services. Finches vary in length from 3 to 10 inches. This wide array of obtainable species is something that attracts Finch ownership. If this data is unavailable or inaccurate and you own or represent this business, click here for more information on how you may be able to correct it.NEAR (Northeast Avian Rescue) is a totally volunteer, registered 501(c)(3) parrot and exotic bird rescue located in East Greenbush, NY. Since so many species of Finches exist, there is a wide range of sizes and appearances. VIEW ADDITIONAL DATA Select from over 115 networks below to view available data about this business.

#Finch rescue birds 80247

[maeum-your]

PARK YOU

CHAPTER 15 | oh, and jungwon is there too but that is besides the point (written)

word count: ~ 2.9k

warning(s): jass, implicit mention of domestic abuse, feelings of helplessness, y/n gets injured, fainting

the sun is already setting and y/n is sitting alone in her room. she has her head resting on her hands, blankly staring at the paper sticking out from under the folder in the corner of her desk. who could have known that a single letter of the alphabet can hold so much power over a person?

not only had she forgotten to check if the test had a back but she also made a few careless mistakes, having read over important bits of the questions. it wouldn't have mattered whether she had turned the page or not, she still wouldn't have been able to get an A - “the only important letter“, as her mother likes to call it. 

y/h had been hiding in her room, trying to make sense of the problems, when her mother came home. the moment her name was called, she knew that she was done for. 

not even a simple hello or how are you, how was school before she started interrogating her about the test. y/n was scared of how her mother would react, having been in similar situations before, so she tried to avoid the question by changing the subject but her mother wouldn’t let it go. 

there was no point in trying to fool her. the woman was obsessive with a desperate need for control and no trust in her children. that’s why she had called her biology teacher earlier to inquire about her daughter’s grade. she already knew how her daughter had done and was just playing mind games with her. 

needless to say, she was furious when y/n lied about her teacher taking longer to grade the test than expected, the red imprint on y/n’s cheek being proof of her mother’s wrath. 

“go to your room and study,” was the only thing she said to her before she left the house, probably going to some bar like every other night, and leaving y/n behind on the cold kitchen floor.

It is already getting dark, the last sunlight illuminating her room in shades of pink, its soft glow reflecting on the silent tears streaming down her face. 

she flinches as her phone makes a sound. she glances over and immediately grabs it when she sees jungwon’s name appearing on the display.

how are you? 

a question she has gotten multiple times throughout the week. her answer has always being i’m fine, just a bit stressed at the moment and her friends would give her a doubtful look but don’t press her on any further. she can tell that they must be worried but they know that it’s best not to put more pressure on her.

she feels bad because she wants to tell them the truth, she really does, but she doesn’t want to be a burden to them. this struggle has been going on for almost as long as she can remember and she couldn’t bear to drag her friends down with her. even if she did try to confide in them, she still wouldn’t know how to put this feeling of absolute devastation and despair into words. 

she thinks back to her conversation with jay a week ago. his words touched a sore spot and she got unreasonably angry because he was completely right. guilt has been consuming her ever since. she had insulted his parents but got defensive when he mentioned hers. all of her insecurities and shame came crashing down on her and she panicked. despite her heavy dislike towards him, she feels bad about how she treated him. she feels ashamed. 

she is well aware that what he said is nothing but the truth. she will never be able to make her mom proud and she will not be able to become a doctor with her current grades. she will stay a failure for the rest of her life, just like she has always been. 

maybe if her dad had stayed, things would be different right now. maybe she would still be allowed to enjoy dancing and maybe she could even have become friends with park jongseong. but her father never cared enough.

she envies her friends. she sees them having fun and forming new relationships with jay’s squad, but all she can do is watch and try to be genuinely happy for them, which has proved to be a rather difficult task. 

her own jealousy disgusts her but she has a desperate wish to make friends as well. she wants to be able to hang out with people during her free period or after school. she wants to have a harry potter marathon and recreate different snacks from the movies. she wants to continue reading that drarry fanfiction she was so invested in on the last days of summer. she would like to fall helplessly in love and be able to live without a care. but she can't. all she is able to do is to focus on her studies.

jungwon’s text says that he will be home soon. he has been eating dinner at jay’s a lot recently but today he went to the movies with riki and heeseung instead. she shakes her head in an attempt to get rid of the depressing thoughts clouding her brain. she needs to take care of her brother, make him food, act as happy as she can manage, so that at least he can live a relatively normal life despite their complicated family situation. 

he must be starving, she thinks, so she should prepare something for them to eat. money has been scarce ever since her mom started drinking again so the only food they have at home is instant ramen. she sighs. that will have to do.

her head starts spinning as she tries to stand up and she has to hold onto her desk for support. taking deep breaths, she staggers along the wall until she reaches the door. she is feeling light-headed and her vision is becoming blurrier with the second. she waits a while at the door, eyes closed as she tries to force her body to calm down. 

feeling slightly better, she twists the door knob and steps out into the hall. she manages the first few steps down the stairs but she then starts seeing spots in front of her eyes again which makes her miss a step and she slips. 

she lands on the floor with a loud thud, hitting her head on the hard tiles. she extends her arm struggling to reach for her phone that landed a few feet next to her but her body goes slack shortly after the fall and she is engulfed by darkness.

“damn, jay seemed really out of it today. no, not just today, the entirety of last week as well. i have never, in my whole eighteen years of knowing him, seen him like that. i can’t believe he actually tripped, he has never lost his balance before, no matter how hard we have tried to make him fall. it was so unlike him. and then he didn’t even want to spend time with us after practice when he’s normally the one begging us to do something together,” heeseung rambles as he tries to focus on driving. 

it is already dark by now and he has to squint in order to make out the path of the street. driving when it’s dark out might not be the smartest idea for him, seeing that he is nightblind, but he doesn’t care too much as long as he gets to where he wants to go safely.

jungwon, who is seated beside him, lets out an acknowledging grunt. he has figured out that something must have happened between jay and y/n but his sister refuses to talk about it. he has asked her over and over again if something is wrong but she is a master at avoiding uncomfortable questions and hides behind a fake smile. he is not stupid though, he can see the pain reflecting in her eyes. he is worried for her and how could he not be when he has to watch her walk around like a zombie, lethargically, locking herself inside her room to study every single minute of the day. she even stopped playing harry potter music during her revision sessions and that is the biggest, most obvious sign that something must be wrong. 

jungwon looks over at the older boy and feels conflicted. he wishes he could confide in heeseung but he doesn’t want to risk anything. he is sure that he could trust the older boy but he doesn’t want to put this burden on him. he already feels sorry enough that heeseung takes him home everyday, even if his friend insists that it’s no problem and that he does it because he wants to, not because he’s feeling obliged to do so. he sighs.

“what do you think about us preparing a meal for jay for once,” jungwon suggests after some deliberation. “he always cooks for us, it might be time that we do something for him in return.” he even brings the boys sandwiches and other snacks to munch on during practice. needless to say, everything he makes tastes like heaven.

“that is actually a really good idea. you and your smart brain!” heeseung cuckles. “just don’t let sunghoon anywhere near the microwave, he is going to burn that one down too.” 

jungwon scoffs. “he better stay away from our petra.” 

heeseung side eyes him and groans. “what is wrong with all of you that you have to give your microwaves names?” 

“hey! my sister named her, not me. she has some weird emotional attachment to it, don’t ask me!” jungwon puts his hands up in defence. heeseung makes a face.

"but why would she choose petra, some generic ass white girl name?" 

"i don't know, she looks like a petra, i guess." 

"that name brings back memories. i remember y/n calling jay petra once to tease him when we were still freshmen and that inspired a new wave of nicknames for him. we called him pp, short for petra park." 

jungwon almost choked on his own spit. pp, what the heck? also that was kinda sus of his sister to be naming jay after her precious microwave but okay. she has been sussypussy for a while. it takes everything in him not to comment on that.

he looks back at his phone as a notification pops up. 

i’ll cook dinnejsjusnhnwshbh

that is kind of a weird place to put a keyboard smash and jungwon tilts his head quizzically. should he be worried? his “is everything alright” text gets no response. well, now he is definitely concerned.

“oh, we’re already here. time always flies when i bring you home,” says heeseung softly as they pull up to the driveway. jungwon hesitates to leave; he has to say something.

“could you maybe wait here for a moment. my sister sent me a quite weird text and i am kind of worried something might have happened.” 

heeseung immediately starts unbuckling his seatbelt. “let me go with you.” 

“no!” the younger yells a little bit too fast for it not to be weird and heeseung raises an eyebrow. 

“... oookay? i’ll just wait here then. text me or shout if something is wrong!” “i will, thank you!”

jungwon has a bad feeling as he turns the key. it is dark inside the hallway and it takes some time for his eyes to adjust. when they finally do, he sees a dark figure lying motionless on the ground and he turns on the light.

“heeseung,” he screams in hope that his friend can hear him for that distance. he rushes towards the stairs and shakes y/n. she is unconscious and doesn't respond. not knowing what to do he begins to panic and tears form in his eyes.

“fuck” he can hear heeseung curse as he comes running in. he looks between jungwon and y/n before deciding that that is a conversation for later since there are more urging matters as of now. 

after putting his ear to her mouth to check her breathing, he rolls up her pants and y/n hisses in pain. she seems to slowly regain consciousness. 

“i think her ankle is sprained or fractured, we need to get her to the hospital.” he declares after inspecting her red and swollen ankle. he places her arms around his neck and picks her up carefully. y/n slowly opens her eyes and almost falls out of his grasp. 

“what are you doing? put me down!” she tries to struggle out of his arms but his grip on her only tightens. 

“for the love of god, stay still. you are hurt,” he snaps at her. he can hear her grumbling but she at least stops moving. jungwon runs to the car to open the back door for her. as heeseung slowly puts her down, she glares at him, her foggy mind being a bit confused as to why he is there in the first place. she, however, starts to feel a sense of relief that he's present as she realizes that jungwon would not have been able to carry her with his spaghetti arms.

the ride to the hospital is quiet and the atmosphere kind of awkward. no one is talking and no one is asking questions. heeseung is too focused to get them to the hospital as quickly as possible, running a red light and driving way too fast in general. jungwon just sits there, silently panicking because he’s pretty sure that he saw some blood on the back of his sister’s head. meanwhile y/n is in too much pain to talk at all. 

finally at the hospital, the doctor performs an x-ray to confirm that her ankle is indeed fractured. y/n gets a brace and a pair of pretty pink crutches. she begged for those with tears in her eyes and her best puppy impression when she saw that they had one pair in her favorite color left. she has a light concussion from hitting her head as well but the doctor assures them that it’s nothing to worry about.

heeseung stays by her side the entire time and makes sure to listen attentively to the doctor’s words. oh, and jungwon is there too but that is besides the point.

on the drive back home, y/n sits on the passenger seat this time and jungwon goes to the back. 

“so you guys are like a thing or what?” heeseung finally breaks the silence and y/n unsuccessfully tries to suppress her laughter and ends up choking. 

“hyung, how can you be so stupid!” jungwon complains loudly, trying to hold back tears at his friend’s obliviousness.

“who assumes that the girl you find lying at the end of the stairs is the girlfriend? you must be even denser than i am.” y/n wishes that were true, maybe then she wouldn't feel as stupid for once.

“i dont know, i thought you were waiting for him to hook up or something.” both siblings let out a sound of disgust. the thought of them kissing makes them feel physically sick. 

“i could just lie and say that's true but i can’t deal with you, bro,” y/n whines. 

heeseung’s mouth falls open. “did you just bro me?” “yes, bro, what about it?” she bites back and rolls her eyes. 

it is quiet for a moment, if you listened closely you would be able to hear heeseung’s heart beating very loudly. he is still kind of scared of the girl.

“please, don’t tell jay,” y/n whispers after some long minutes of more silence. 

he looks over at her in surprise. “what? why?” 

“we really aren’t on the best of terms right now and i don’t think it would be good if he found out that jungwon is my brother.” he seems to think, chewing on his chapped lip.

“i won’t tell him if you don’t want me to but i think you have a very warped conception of our jongseongie.” she cringes at the nickname and he shrugs his shoulders grinning. 

“he has a soft spot for jungwon anyway so don’t worry your pretty little head.”

the most important question of what happened is not asked throughout the ride. it would be pointless anyway since y/n would just lie but even heeseung can sense that something is wrong by the way both y/n and jungwon are acting. 

heeseung not only helps her out of the car but even carries her up to her bed, ignoring her protests, since he deems taking the stairs as too difficult and painful for her. he brings her a cold glass of water and tucks her in. at this point, y/n is already way too exhausted to complain about him babying her. 

"sleep well and take care," he whispers with an awkward smile and tries to leave but y/n tugs on his sleeve, holding him back. the next step proves to be difficult for the girl and it takes her a moment to start talking.

"thank you for today, i mean it. i really appreciate your help." heeseung seems momentarily stunned but then he softly smiles down at her. 

"no problem, get some rest now."

he leaves and y/n is quickly overtaken by deep sleep. 

a/n: i would really appreciate some feedback or just your thoughts in the form of asks :)

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masterlist

summary: y/n hates rich people and park jongseong is no exception. they have been academic rivals since freshman year (which he doesn't like to acknowledge) and always argue about the dumbest of things. but what happens when y/n's brother jungwon joins the dance team led by jay and their friend groups begin to mingle?

updates: monday-friday at 7 a.m KST

taglist (open):

@sophiko22 @missmadwoman @jungwons-rat @msxflower @minato-ariato @person-standing @blessed-sky @staysstrays @xayaya @jaywonlix (not able to tag) @nar-nia @bekah931215 @sirephines @revemixer @jjhmk @heelariously @ddeonuism @fylithia @dxlicateee @acciomylove

#tap that jass 🤪 #i need to apologize for the angst here but it's all necessary #i hope no one starts shipping heeseung and y/n #enhypen #enhypen scenario #enhypen scenarios #enhypen smau #enhypen social media au #park jongseong fluff #park jongseong imagines #park jongseong scenario #park jongseong scenarios #enhypen imagines #enhypen socmed au #enhypen smut #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #enhypen park jongseong #enhypen jay park #enhypen jay scenarios #enhypen jay smau #enhypen park jongseong scenarios #park jongseong #park jongseong x reader #park jongseong social media au #park jongseong smau #park jongseong socmed au #park jongseong smut #park jongseong angst

[s-brant]

Pirates and Princesses (8/8)

(gif: @beccs) (PART SEVEN) (SERIES MASTERLIST)

Summary: JJ must confront his childhood trauma when returning home for the first time since his dad went to jail and prevent it from sabotaging his new relationship. Meanwhile, something sinister happens at the Chateau that brings Y/N face to face with her grief over John B’s death.

Word Count: 13.4k

Warnings: Angst, implied sexual content, strong language, parent/child abuse, mental illness, post-traumatic stress disorder, grief, and fluff.

A/N: Welcome to the final chapter of Tokens! This one has a little bit of everything in it, but it also has detailed scenes about JJ and his dad, so proceed with caution if you’re easily triggered by that topic. The love you guys show this fic warms my heart so much, so thanks to anyone who stuck with this story until this chapter. Hope you enjoy it!

Now that she has been sentenced to both punishments, one as a consequence of the fight with Kacey and the other as a consequence of the stunt she pulled with JJ to break out of ISS, Y/N can confidently say that out of school suspension is superior to in-school suspension by a long shot. Instead of sitting in a humid room with Alec for the duration of multiple school days, she's allowed to stay home, go out surfing, and do whatever she wants in lieu of doing classwork.

She promised herself not to make it a habit, promising the invisible presence of John B that she likes to pretend follows her around that she will never get herself into trouble again, but she sees no problem in enjoying her suspension while it lasts.

For the first few days of her suspension, JJ skipped school to spend it with her. Their memories of the conversation they had at three in the morning on Sunday were fuzzy, but not missing entirely. She noticed a difference in his behavior for the first few hours after they woke up under the tree together for the second time in one week. It wasn't a difference in their relationship or how he treated her, it was a difference in him.

He was quieter than usual as they cleaned up cans of beer and tossed them into the recycling, sending pictures to Kie while she was in class after she made them promise not to throw them in the trash. Rather than cracking jokes or making casual conversation with her, JJ made his way around the yard with the recycling bin in his hands and his head in the clouds. It disappeared as the day progressed, but for a little while, he wasn't completely there.

Today, he went into school instead of ditching to spend extra time with her in between shifts at work and time spent with their friends. Since they can't exceed three consecutive absences without a doctor’s note and he doesn't own a printer or laptop to forage the header from a doctor's office, he had no choice but to part from her this morning.

He bites his lip to contain his smug facial expression at the recollection of her wake up call for him. The hand holding his locker door open for him to lean on in the midst of his not-so-wholesome thoughts of her squeezes the metal hard enough to turn his knuckles white.

The curtains weren't shut all the way when they fell asleep before midnight last night, allowing a shaft of sunlight to shine in and land on his face. But that wasn't what woke him up from the dream he was having. In fact, the reality he opened his eyes to was a hell of a lot better than any dream he remembered.

Most of his memory of those moments spent suspended between consciousness and unconsciousness consisted of feeling her pressing a kiss to his shoulder, then her hands rubbing up and down his waist to slip lower and lower until they settled on the waistband of his underwear. It was then that he woke to find her looking up at him for permission from where she peppered kisses along his chest.

Their eyes met right as she kissed the edge of his nipple with this pleading, needy look that he took pride in causing without actively attempting to. She woke up on the brink of coming undone from a pleasant—to put it tamely—dream about him. With a glimpse at the time displayed on the alarm clock, it didn't take much for her to roll over to wake him up.

It ended with her beneath the sheet, finishing what she started Friday afternoon until he was clutching the pillow beneath his head in the midst of his orgasm. It happened so fast, a fault of how hot he found it to wake up to her wanting him so badly, but it felt slower than it truly was in the early morning haze of exhaustion they felt.

The memory as he relives it is as heady as it felt the first time around. He sees it in fractions; her eyes looking up at his, warm palms finding the familiar planes of his muscular body with the exploratory touch of someone who's never traveled it before, and the intense sensations he felt at the end...It's easy for him to stand here and lose himself in it. Despite the class he has to go to, he bargains with himself for one more second spent in the paradise of his memories before he has to come back to reality.

Reality, as his shitty luck would have it, comes in the form of a familiar feminine voice chirping from behind his back as he replays his morning bliss.

"It's good to see you're alive and well, Maybank."

He decides, based on who he knows he'll see when he turns around, that he might invest in a sharpie to write "Bang head here" on the inside of his locker door for instances like these where he'd rather suffer brain damage than speak to someone he can't stomach the presence of.

When he turns to see Kacey with one arm still stretched to hold his locker open, he doesn't bother concealing the genuine reaction from his face for the sake of her feelings. Any care he had for her and her feelings was thrown to the wind as soon as she decided she could steal from and put her hands on his girl last week. However, after a second of thought, a condescending smirk finds its way to his face.

He says, jerking his chin to vaguely gesture at her bruised up face, "Purple really suits your complexion. It makes your eyes pop, don't you think?"

Though the swelling of her black eye has deflated in the days since the fight that’ll soon tally up to a week, the verbal jab hits right where it intended to if the light leaving her eyes tells him anything. She bounces back after a second, though, ever the relentless pest they've come to see her as.

She offers a sickeningly sweet, yet fake smile to mirror the one gracing his striking features and spins so her back meets the locker beside his, allowing herself to invade his space further.

A collection of Y/N's stickers decorates the inside of his locker door that he briefly entertained the idea of designating as a place to bang his head against. They range from girly, glittery ones to those he willingly picked when she gave him the choice. Whenever they're at his locker together, she sticks one on the inside, and the evidence of the habit catches Kacey's wandering eyes.

Her fingertips brush against the surface of the sticker-covered metal while she ignores his protest of, "Can you not touch my stuff?" to inspect them. Since one of the Pogues in particular is famous for her endless supply of stickers, her expression sours at the thought of the girl responsible for them.

She spares him a quick glance out of the corner of her eye as she continues to analyze the sticker collection against his instructions not to, asking, "Why weren't you at the bonfire?" A failed attempt at a seductive look in his direction makes him fight not to roll his eyes. "After how last year's ended, I thought you wouldn't miss it for the world."

JJ doesn't bother to take a second to think things through before he reaches to slam the door closed with her hand still outstretched inside of it. Watching her pull it away just in time to avoid jamming it in the locker probably pleases him more than it should, but he can't help it. His hand catches on the edge of the door, halting it in place right before it closes where her hand previously rested.

She doesn't look too happy with him when he opens the door with no harm done except for the drop of her stomach when he initially pretended to swing it shut on her bruised knuckles. She didn't get many shots in on Y/N when they fought, but apparently it was enough.

He doesn't bother with the fake niceties she's giving him after the disrespect she showed him, his friends, and, most importantly, his girlfriend. The fact that she thinks she has any right to breathe in his direction, let alone flirt with him, after she stole JB's bandana is criminal. 'Cause not only did she mess with Y/N, she messed with John B on multiple levels, and his loyalty to his best friend hasn't disappeared with death. Kie and Y/N told him everything she said about their departed friend in the locker room last Thursday.

But he's smart enough to know what'll hurt her more, so he doesn't go for the general scolding he imagined giving her in his head. Since he was told everything about the encounter in the locker room, he knows she's still holding their history together near and dear to her heart.

"We stayed home," he says, casual and cool as always, with added emphasis on the first word, "You know how it is, my girl doesn't like parties. Especially not ones with kooks."

Hook, line, and sinker.

She scoffs, "Your girl?"

Looking at her now, he wonders if she was always this stupid, or if this is a new development she's had in the year since he last spent more than a minute or two at a time with her. It’s easier to trick her than it was with Kie and Y/N a few days ago, and those poor girls flew into that trap like moths to a flame.

"That's what I said, isn't it?"

The ire is visible in the way her face tenses up in places, her lips pressing together a little more firmly and her forehead creasing between the brows.

"Doesn't your, um, history bother her?" she asks, and he's gotta give her credit for being a sneaky little shit when given the chance. The girl takes every possible opening she can to strike for a potential weakness. "No offense, but you kinda get around."

He shrugs this time, deciding to drop his casual act and aim straight for the jugular.

"She likes having someone who knows how to fuck her right, actually, but I really appreciate the concern."

Much like Kie's reaction to their matching tattoos in the hot tub the other night, her jaw is unhinged to meet the unswept hallway floor they stand on. It makes him wish Y/N weren't suspended in order for her to see the gobsmacked reaction Kacey has to the harsh dismissal. Though he wouldn't want to incite an extra round of the Kacey vs Y/N WWE showdown by having her watch another girl flirt with him and essentially call him a slut upon rejection, he knows she'd get a kick out of it.

This one's for you, baby, he thinks with a quiet laugh to himself and turns his focus to the sticker collection she so lovingly crafted.

There are plenty of summer themed ones left over from the same pack he gifted her for her birthday with the surfboard sticker she used to tease him, as well as a newer genre of Valentine's Day stickers she started using the closer they grew since first getting together. They're mostly different colored candy hearts with corny phrases ranging from "U SXY THING" to the classic "BE MINE" and one printed with "ANGEL" on it—his favorite by far.

However, others are random ones from her endless stash built up over the years from birthdays and holidays deemed worthy enough by her dad to stop by Dollar Tree for a new pack, so the one he sets his attention on is likely meant for teachers or coaches to give to their students. The opportunity appears too good to be true to him when it clicks, but it isn't.

He peels the sticker off of the locker door, careful not to disturb the ones around it, and leans in closer to her to place it on the front of her tank top.

"Leave us alone or I won't stop her next time," JJ says lowly, past the point of civility, then backs away to slam his locker shut for real this time as his voice raises back to a normal volume, "And keep John B's name out of your mouth, got it?"

All she can do is look down at the sticker placed on her shirt with squinted eyes to try and read it while he walks off in the direction of his next class. It tears away from the fabric with a soft noise, and when she finally reads it, she rolls her eyes.

“Good Try!”

​​Walking out of school to see the Twinkie parked in the usual spot Y/N takes when she isn't suspended is a delightful treat he didn't know to expect after a rough day in class and his run in with Kacey. His head was hung low on his way to Kie's car to hitch a ride to his house before going home to the Chateau, since he had some things to pick up with his dad out of the picture for the near future, but then he heard her greet them.

JJ's body melts into hers upon contact, and he nearly pushes her up against the closed passenger side door of the van with how hard he hugs her. Though he doesn't want to acknowledge it, his dad has been living in his thoughts more than usual today. Ever since he texted him goodbye, he's been withdrawn inside of his head more and more, and after today's inconveniences, the rising anxiety of his plan to visit home has him two seconds from losing his mind.

Her eyes widen at his zeal, meeting Kie's concerned gaze from over the shoulder she rests her chin on. She stands with her keys swinging around her finger as she watches the couple embrace one another. In an answer to the silent question Y/N asks her in their stare, her lips mouth the words, "His dad," to her.

Deep down, Y/N had a feeling.

It began with his impromptu request to run away with her a few days ago and extended into his uncharacteristically reserved attitude the next morning that receded somewhat, but has yet to fully disappear. There is a part of her that's upset that he hasn't come to her to talk about it, to communicate the way they swore they would, yet she also knows it isn't that simple.

She has to remind herself that she knew what she was getting herself into with him. That's not to say that dating her must be a walk in the park for him, it isn't.

She knows based on the amount of times he had to hold her as she cried, or the time he curtailed her panic attack in this very parking lot, that she hasn't made it easy for him in the aftermath of John B's death. But it's because she knows how it feels that she has such patience with his communication issues.

It's not a conscious choice most times, it's an involuntary blockage preventing the words from being spoken no matter how desperately they long to be. They may have made a promise, but she won't chastise him for succumbing to the same pitfalls as her. It’d be hypocritical.

"Bad day?" she asks.

Her voice is tender with him, prodding gently for a clue as to why he pounced on her on sight. He sinks further into her arms at the sound and lets the sanctity of her touch sway him into submission. Everything about her sets him at ease, if only for a second. Her hand lifts the beat-up red hat from his head to allow the other to brush through his hair.

There's a hum of agreement that she feels vibrating through the center of his chest into hers, and her arms pull tighter around his shoulders in response. This time, when she looks up to see Kie there, she's waving a quick goodbye and setting off toward her car, clearly giving JJ the space he needs.

"We can go to the beach," she says softly, "I have a towel in the back of the van, we can just lay there and talk about it if you want."

The idea of her kind offer to him should add to the comfort he finds in her embrace. It should make him nod and whisper his gratitude to her for being the one person that knows him better than anyone, but it brings him back to the gloomy headspace he was in before seeing her.

It started as a minor distraction when he first arrived at school after carpooling with Kie. It followed him in the quieter moments, only making appearances when he wasn't distracted with more pressing matters. It began as that and built the closer the day came to ending. The sooner his inevitable visit back to his childhood home came, the more he lost himself in his fear, reverting back to a state of helplessness he now occupies with no small amount of shame.

His bottom lip trembles with the urge to cry.

"Can we stop somewhere on the way home first?"

The last place she expected him to drive the Twinkie is here.

As they made their way down each street, taking each turn necessary to bring them closer to the house he seldom let her go to over the course of their lifelong friendship, she felt her heart begin to race. And now, as the van rolls to a stop in the yard in front of his house, she has swallow back the lump in her throat at the sight of it.

She has only been here a few times.

The first time, she was seven years old.

It was a sweltering summer morning in the Outer Banks for her and John B as they set off to retrieve their friend after he missed their plans to meet up at the Chateau for a day of having fun, riding bikes, and playing on the boat. Pirates and Princesses was her favorite game to play with them because JJ would switch roles with her halfway through when she grew tired of being the damsel John B had to rescue from the most cruel and vicious Captain Jesse James Maybank.

The HMS Pogue would rock beneath his feet as he marched across the deck of the boat and took her place as the kidnapped Princess Routledge. He handed off his "sword" to her, a stick he found in the yard, and stood at the edge of the boat with his hands behind his back as though he were a tied up damsel in distress for her to hold captive. The sun setting behind them laid a picturesque backdrop that made the scene all the more vivid to their imaginative young minds.

The boat floated in the afternoon current as John B approached the pair with his best pretend face of worry for the fair Princess Maybank, who had the sharp sword of the pirate queen pressing into his throat with the threat of death should he have tried to escape.

Sometimes, she'd let John B advance on them and tie make believe rope around her wrists and ankles while he and Princess Maybank claimed their victory. Other times, they'd get backed up until the heels of her sneakers hung off the edge of the slippery deck. One move from her brother would have her yell something along the lines of not taking either of them alive, then she'd let her and JJ fall back into the marsh together with gleeful laughs infiltrating the humid air upon their return to the surface.

On the day he didn't show up, none of that happened. She and John B rode their bikes together along sidewalks until they pulled into a driveway marked with the address number he remembered from the other time he sought him out to play before.

Y/N didn't understand what they were hearing when they pushed their kickstands down and called out for their friend, but John B's little face blanched at the sound flooding out of the opened windows of the dilapidated yellow house. It was a combination of banging against the walls, glass shattering, and childlike shouts of frustration and pain. Her big brother placed himself in front of her protectively when the front door opened and smacked against the side of the house, but it wasn't his dad storming out of the house, it was JJ.

His eyes widened at the sight of the siblings standing there, and his heart dropped to his stomach at the realization that they heard it. Maybe not all of it, but based on how the girl peeking out around John B's shoulder looked at him, they heard some.

The van is parked in the exact same place their bikes once were, the exact place she and John B stood years ago when they were first confronted with the harsh reality about their best friend's home life, and he looks like he has fully backpedaled into the state of mind his childhood self inhabited. Even when he turns the key in the ignition and lets the rumbling engine sputter down in silence, he sits in the driver's seat with his lip drawn between his teeth in thought.

Yet as soon as she summons the courage to say something, he takes a deep breath and opens the door without a warning or the typical instruction for her to stay in the car. He doesn't tell her to follow him in, nor does he order her to stay out as he used to when his dad still lived inside. He gives her the choice to make on her own, and, when faced with the opportunity to support him or stay outside like the confused little girl she once was, she chooses the first option.

Her swift steps kick dirt up from the earth onto her ankles as she follows him out of the van to the front steps of the house. She tries not to make her concern for him as evident as it'd be without her intervention on her way up the porch, but it's impossible to erase every sign of it from her face.

It isn't a particularly special or scary house. It's a normal home that'd likely look more inviting if JJ were still living here to mow the lawn and tend to the household upkeep his father saddled him with since he was old enough to be put to work. But she knows better than to trust the street appeal. As he takes her hand to lead them through the threshold of the haunted structure, she is overcome with a sense of creeping trepidation that she can't shake.

"You're sure he isn't here?" she asks.

The entryway is crowded with stacks of mail his father wasn’t bothered to open, as well as empty cardboard boxes that once held cans of beer that are scattered, empty, in various places around the house. Her question is answered by the state of the rooms they breeze past in the direction of his bedroom, but she needed something to say to fill the silence. With them, they usually don’t feel uncomfortable not speaking to each other, but this feels different.

The way he stares out in front of him with his hand squeezing hers hard enough to cut off circulation unnerves her more than the tainted energy of the house itself. He isn't himself. He's a shell of the JJ they know and love, the JJ who is most comfortable tucked away in the safe walls of the Chateau with their friends, not here. If anything, how he is while he's here is the antithesis of his behavior while living with her.

Ever since John B died, he's practically moved in with her. When they're hidden away in her house without the reminders of his home life in sight, he's usually the caretaker of the relationship. It comes naturally to their dynamic, both with him being slightly older and his promise to take care of her, but everything is flipped here. It's an alternate reality for him, or, perhaps, actual reality smacking him in the face after a carefully constructed two months in utopia with her.

They come to a stop in front of his closed bedroom door.

"He's gone," he says, not even sparing a glance at her for reasons she can't decipher, "He texted me a few days ago to say goodbye."

With that, he turns the doorknob and lets the door swing open to reveal the bedroom she only saw one other time.

The second time, she was thirteen years old.

It was a Friday.

Since his dad was supposed to be at work, they stopped at his house on their way home from school exactly like they did today so he could share with their friends what he got from his cousin the night before. Being the good girl she was, she didn't even know what he was showing her when he dug it out of the backpack in the bottom of his closet.

Her brows furrowed at the ziploc bag, more specifically the contents inside of it. She was knelt down on the floor in front of the opened closet door with her shoulder pressed up against his to inspect it. The dried green cluster of a plant didn't look like anything she'd seen before, and she couldn't help but ask him what the hell it was rather than react the way he knew the others would.

"What is it? It looks like dried up moss."

JJ laughed and pulled another bag with rolling papers and a grinder stowed inside.

"It's weed. My cousin Ricky gave me a discount since—"

He halted mid-sentence abruptly enough to startle her, his head turning in the direction of where he heard a trunk pulling up to the front of the house. Her stare was still set on where he was holding the plastic bags in his hands, and she noticed, after he stopped speaking in reaction to his dad coming home, that his hands began trembling. It was so minimal, she almost didn't catch it until she saw the bag wavering under the light coming in from his window.

Before she could open her mouth to say anything more, she felt his hands on her shoulders shoving her into the closet. He followed in closely behind her and crawled in until they were both crammed into the confined space together. With the closet doors shut in front of them, he clamped a hand over her mouth, whispering in her ear for her to be quiet.

She stands with her arms crossed over herself in the center of his room, and though nothing has yet to be said or done to convince her anything is wrong, that's the exact reason why she feels so unnerved by the entire experience of coming here.

He's silent.

The closet doors are wide open as he stuffs the rest of the clothes he had yet to bring to the Chateau into the biggest bag he could find. He rips through his belongings in a fit of melancholy driven anger. His thoughts are swirling with similar memories to the ones she conjures from being here again, but his are tinged with a darkness hers don't have, even with hearing him crying in pain as a child and hiding in the closet with his hand smothering her mouth to evade his dad.

JJ visibly grimaces at the memories he's forced to relive in flashes with every glimpse he gets of the room he spent so much time hiding in. It used to be more tolerable to be here, or at least easier to suffer through. At least he was used to it before, but he got so accustomed to life somewhere else that the second he was confronted with coming back, he started to fall apart.

Whatever he can't live without, he finds space for it in the bag and prepares to leave the rest behind. But every object he touches and step he takes around the room brings him back to the person who he spent his adolescence simultaneously fleeing and wanting more from. More notably, it brings him back to the train of thought that has been nagging him ever since he texted him over the weekend.

The third and final time she came here was over the summer.

It happened right before Hurricane Agatha waged war on the island, when none of the Pogues heard from JJ for two days after he said he had to go home to help his dad with something. She didn't want to track him down to his house after they went over twenty-four hours without a single message. She didn't want to have to go back to the house that gave her chills to think about, let alone go to again after they hid in his closet when they were younger, but he gave her no other choice.

What was she supposed to do except go check on him where he last said he'd be? After all, if she lived in the hazardous environment he did, he'd do the exact same for her. If their friends were involved in her thoughts at the time, they would've gone out on a limb to say he would've gone beyond what she did to protect her if the situation were flipped. If he knew someone was hurting her, he would've come in swinging first and asked questions later, but, in her defense, he strictly told her to never come back to his house. By walking over in the first place, she was breaking one of the fundamental rules of their friendship.

Nevertheless, she found herself crouching around the side of his house to find his bedroom window and check if he was in there. Kie and Pope weren't aware of what was happening with his dad yet, but she and John B accidentally found out years ago, so she wasn't wondering why he wasn't answering them, she was wondering if he was alive.

Part of her truly thought underneath it all that Luke might've killed him. He might've been too drunk or high and went too far when beating him, too far to the point where he didn't want to risk going to jail to take him to the hospital for help. She couldn't live with herself if she didn't check, and if he got pissed at her for showing up against his wishes and didn't want to speak to her ever again, she could live with that.

She knocked on his window in a cadenced beat loud enough for it to heard through the room but not any further. After the first series of knocks, no one came to the window. It ripped her heart to pieces to wonder if she'd see him again as she continued to knock and allowed the sound to increase in volume in hopes that maybe he was asleep, but it didn't bring anyone to the window.

It wasn't until she turned back around to go to the front of the house again that she bumped right into the solid wall of his chest and was pushed back up against the house. The question of what she was doing there was on the tip of his tongue, but she said something that stopped him from asking it.

Her arms were thrown around his shoulders in a desperate bear hug.

"Oh God, JJ, you scared me half to death!" she cried into the front of his shirt, "I thought he killed you!"

He can't help but think of it as he packs his belongings away for a final time to bid his hellish childhood home goodbye: What kind of life are they going to have together if they can't get off this island? Running away may have been an idealistic drunken fantasy for him to entertain after his conversation with Pope got him to admit his true feelings for her, but they both know his consistency can't be trusted.

One moment, he's planning to tell her. The next, a day like today comes along, sweeps his legs out from beneath his body, and he's questioning whether it's worth it to force her to put up with his fickle commitment to her. It isn't fair to her, is it?

Right now is just about when he'd normally start to hyperventilate with an oncoming wave of panic, and he does, but he can't let it fully sweep into him with her here. He fights the urge to smack his head with the heel of his palm, as if that'd forcibly remove the poisonous thoughts infiltrating his mind and ruining the careful work they've done together to remedy their issues with communicating their feelings.

Just like you ruin everything, a thought whispers in the corner of his mind. What made you think this would be any different?

His actions around the room have turned somewhat aimless and distracted, which she notices as soon as he starts to disintegrate into a mess of heavy breaths and self-sabotaging thoughts. She picks up on the shift in his energy as soon as the anxiety starts to wash over him, and she'll be damned if she continues to stand here quietly to let it happen.

It's one thing if he's being silent because being here upsets him, or if he simply doesn't know what to say, but she refuses to let him tailspin into a mental breakdown without doing something to stop it. Whether he knows it or not, after what they went through with him trying to push her away last week, she knows what's occurring within his mind right now.

He flinches at the feeling of her hand grabbing his shoulder to turn him to face her at first, and when she reaches again with her other hand to try to hold his hand as he cries, he shrugs off her touch.

"JJ..." she lets the solemn sound of her own voice murmuring his name trail off, "it's just me."

His head shakes at her consoling words. Everything else inside of his mind is so earth-shatteringly loud, he can't drown it out with logic or reason to bring himself away from the memories of his dad. Those intrusive thoughts keep attacking him with doubled, then tripled force the harder he tries to resist them, and he's so exhausted from it. All of it—the memories, his dad going to jail, and his inability to accept her love to its fullest extent without convincing himself she'll abandon him—is exhausting.

This time, when she rests her hand on his shoulder, he swats it away as the frustration of today crushing him with the force of an avalanche. Not to hurt or scare her, but to get her hands off of him before he bursts out of his skin with the sickness it stirs in his stomach. So detached from himself, he anticipates pain from every touch she gives him, and he knows it hurts her.

JJ hardly recognizes his own voice as he backs away from her a step and says, "Don't."

He can tell it hurts her based on how she looks at him immediately after, but he can't handle being touched right now. How did this happen so quickly? It was overwhelming when they first parked outside, but as soon as he stepped foot inside, it was as if a switch was flipped inside of him and all of the buried feelings he kept hidden over the past two weeks exploded into this.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"You need to leave. I just-I can't breathe and"—He still refuses to look up from the ground or see her face as he paces around the room with no real intent in mind—"You can't see me like this."

That is what breaks her out of her soft spoken, timid attitude to handle the situation the way it needs to be handled. Their natural dynamic worked best for him to take charge when she had her panic attack because JJ acts first and thinks later. He saw that she was in distress and jumped in to help her before things got worse rather than allowing her to keep him at an arms length where he couldn't do anything about it.

Taking a page from his rule book, she takes action.

The room surrounding them is in a state of disarray from him searching through it for the items of clothing and objects now stashed in his duffel bag. There are multiple obstacles in her way as she steps between them like navigating a minefield to reach him after he backed away in instinctual fear, but they don't stop her from reaching him. Nothing could.

Y/N walks right up to him and reaches to grasp his face between her hands, forcing him to stop pacing around and actually look at her for the first time since they arrived her so he hears what she says. To say the least, the way he looks right now is enough to make her cry. There are tears welled up to the brims of his blue eyes, his lips are downturned with his sobs, and he's staring at her like she's about to strike him.

She says it as slowly and clearly as she needs to get it through his head, "He's not here," and before he manages to squeeze out another word of doubt between his rapid inhalations, she cuts in, "Take deep breaths."

He isn't listening to her.

The movement of his chest that hits hers from how close they stand to each other has yet to settle into the familiar pace she remembers from nights of falling asleep with the rhythm of his breaths beneath her head.

Her eyes search his face frantically, from left to right and top to bottom, for any sign of the person she's known for years, but she doesn't see him. Instead, she sees the same panicked child her and John B saw the first time they visited this house. It's uncanny how similar the expression in his face is. It feels to her as if she's been hurled back in time to the moment itself, and when she tries to think about what would've worked with him back then, she doesn't know what else to do except help him escape.

So, with the helplessness of having to watch him turn into a sobbing, incoherent mess, she decides to step into the darkness with him and do what seven year old Y/N would've done. Just like their games of make believe, of pirates and princesses, she assumes the role John B would have and rescues him from what holds him captive. It’s his own mind in this case, but, in the physical sense, it's the house.

She drops her hands from his face and takes his hand in hers to drag him out of the room. The packed bag sits on the floor in their wake as she pulls him back through the bedroom door and into the living room, not caring about what they came here to do.

It doesn't matter anymore.

The various rooms of his dad's house pass by them in a blur as she leads him down the hallway to the front door with one sole objective in mind: get him out of here. If he wants his stuff to bring back to the Chateau, she'll go back inside and get whatever he needs her to, but she isn't letting him inside of this house again. Not under her watch.

Thankfully, since he is undeniably stronger than her and she wouldn't have stood a chance, he doesn't fight it. He stumbles after her guiding hand the same way he always has, just like how he followed her back to the Chateau after she and John B saw him that day when they were kids. She led the way as he sat on the handlebars of her brother's bike, and he watched her hair flutter in the wind with the momentum of their bicycle spokes until the tears dried up.

He watches her drag him out of the home until they've reached the safety of the yard at the bottom of the porch steps, and as soon as the soles of her shoes meet the dirt, she feels his hand slipping out of hers.

"JJ?"

She turns around to see him clutching his chest, rubbing his hand along the front of his shirt over his heart as though it'll loosen up the tightened muscles preventing him from catching his breath. His body weight is leaned onto the railing of the porch steps for support. He's partially slumped on it, looking at her desperately, like she somehow knows the answer to every question screamed inside of his head, and she has never felt as useless.

"You're gonna leave," JJ says through the gasps and cries that leave his cheeks stained with tears.

When she reaches out again to help him remain upright without leaning over the railing, he doesn't shove her hands away as he did inside of his bedroom. It's a small battle won, but she takes it as a win nonetheless.

"What are you saying? I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere—"

"You're gonna leave! Everybody does! My mom, John B, my dad, and you"—his head falls to look at the ground instead of her, and she watches him work through it in his head—"I mean, look at me. You don't want this."

"Don't tell me what I want," she says.

Her voice remains as steady and calm as she can force it to be amidst the turbulent situation, but the way he said it...It takes her right back to sitting in the back of the Twinkie with him at the Cherry Bowl, except it's ten times worse. That felt like a break up, but based on what he's saying, this is one. She hasn't prepared herself for the heartache she feels in response to it.

"You don't want me, you just think you do 'cause I was there after John B died, but you don't. You're gonna go off, find some perfect guy that isn't as fucked up as me, and have a great life somewhere else, but it ain't here," JJ says, his breathing evening out with the distraction of the argument to keep him tethered tor reality, "And it won't be with me."

He can see it every time he's looked at her and debated saying those three titular words that have been floating around in his head since he first met her.

How could she want someone who can't walk into his childhood bedroom without breaking down, or someone who still has years-old scars from cigarette burns on his skin when she touches him? Her bright future contrasted with his pre-designated fate on the Cut, her personality better matched with someone more similar to her, her life continuing on whether he's there or not—it's his worst nightmare, but he's prepared to see it through.

What he doesn't expect is for her to hold her ground.

"You honestly think I'm buying into that bullshit?" she asks.

"What?"

She doesn't put it softly, she states facts with as much harshness as his cruel fantasy had, "You're trying to push me away and I won't let you."

Her typically sweet, soft features have hardened into a bitter expression he's sure he mirrors. The arms holding his waist to keep him upright move to climb up his chest and cup his face between her hands with all of the gentleness her face and voice don't have right now.

She sees right through him.

When he tries to look away again, to avert his eyes to make what he's trying to do easier on himself by not having to look at her when he does it, her grasp on his face holds firm. Her hands guide his chin back up so they're face to face, and he realizes what a mistake everyone makes in assuming her this dainty, broken girl whose only source of strength came from the brother she lost. She's a forest fire.

"You're not hearing what I'm saying—"

Y/N interjects, "I am hearing what you're saying, I'm just saying it's bullshit."

She refuses to let him off the hook, and though it frustrates him on the surface, deep down, it makes him fall in love with her all over again. Her insistence against his speech about her leaving him proves him wrong more than anything else could, 'cause he gave her the perfect chance to dip and she shot it down instantly.

The house looms behind them as a menacing presence that threatens to take control of him again, but she doesn't let it. She keeps his eyes on her no matter how many times he tries to look away and doesn't let anything get in the way of what she says next.

"You think that if you push me away and get me to leave you right now, it'll hurt less than it would if I did it later, and I don't accept that. I won't take the bait and let you torture yourself anymore, okay? I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I'll never leave you. Not willingly, anyway."

She looks into his eyes, and this time its softer, more loving, and he's never felt as understood as he does when she continues to speak.

"I'm in love with you. Whether it scares you or not, it's the truth, and I'll never stop saying it. If you think that your issues with your dad are gonna change that for me, you've officially lost your mind." Their noses brush as she leans in to ghost a kiss over his mouth and pulls away a second later to whisper, her forehead pressed to his, "I love you, JJ. Stop being so stubborn and just let me."

His next breath in trembles as he lets her words sink in, and he's stuck at a crossroads inside of himself without a clue of what to do.

The breeze blows her hair away from her face, the afternoon sunshine painting her golden, and when he sees her hair flutter in the air like it did so many years ago, he can't help but feel as calm as he did during their bike ride home. The further away he got from his dad and the house where it all happened, the calmer he grew, and it hits him at this moment that he's so taken aback by her confession to him, he forgot why he was so upset.

It's sobering. The intoxication of his panic hurtled him back in time to the frightened, childlike state of mind his dad's violent abuse often sent him to, but it was hearing her say those words he's feared for weeks that brought him back. Like the jolt of a defibrillator, he's roused back to life with more clarity than before.

She loves him, but, perhaps more importantly, she said she'd never leave him, and that is what he needed to hear more than anything. That is the statement worth more to him than the four letter word he has agonized over endlessly. No one else every attached the promise of "I love you" with the stipulation of it lasting forever. They said the empty words and contradicted it with their actions, but she hasn't done that. Her actions spoke the words long before her mouth did.

He sighs.

It's a deep, yearning sigh that sends him melting into her with the acceptance of what he's denied for too long. He savors the hands cradling his head, as well as the body pressed up against his that he has memorized down to every beauty mark and imperfection, and makes the right choice.

It isn't like it was the night at the Cherry Bowl, or the night he spoke to Pope about it. It still takes more bravery than he possesses to form the words, but there isn't a physical incapability stopping him anymore. It's just him against the trauma beckoning him into its trap again, and he won't let it lure him back into that house.

"Alright," JJ says to her through a sniffle in acceptance to her command, as if he were agreeing on afternoon surfing plans rather than something as monumental as allowing someone to love him, then continues onto with a timid tone, "I love you too."

Before he can watch for her reaction, she's surging forward through the few inches of space left between them to connect their lips in a kiss.

It's vastly different to the kiss they shared in the hallway at school last Friday. In contrast to that one, the reigning emotion within him that drives the kiss after the hesitant beginning doesn't lead them into increased intensity, it gets gentler. It doesn't explode into chaos and passion, it's a tired kiss that he never wants to retreat from. It's the physical manifestation of his feelings for her underneath the guarded exterior he uses to protect himself: gentle and yielding, yet undeniably powerful.

He feels her smiling through her tears against his mouth. In the face of everything that happened this afternoon, he doesn't feel like he should be smiling back at her, but he does. He smiles while kissing her with tears streaming down his face, still reeling from his traumatic response to coming home for the final time, and wonders how a person can feel such contradicting emotions all at once.

Y/N is the one who starts to pull away first, though it's only to check in on him. If she had it her way, she could stay here with him until the sun sets, but he did just come back from the brink of a full-blown panic attack, so she can't in good conscience ignore his well-being for the momentary bliss of their love confessions.

Her thumb brushes over his bottom lip, her smile drooping with worry as she asks, "Wanna spend the rest of the day on the boat? You always say being on the water makes you feel better. Maybe it'll make it easier to talk about it."

His Adam's apple bobs with how he swallows the lump in his throat.

"Can we maybe take baby steps for now? I don't think I can handle telling you all that shit yet."

It was already enough to allow her to follow him into the house, watch him break down into a fit of panic no one else has seen him in, and tell her he loved her, but it'd cross the line into uncharted territory to talk about everything between him and his dad so openly. Between the minor annoyance of dealing with Kacey to this hellish visit home, he thinks he's reached his quota on feeling uncomfortable today.

She nods in agreement.

"Baby steps."

Drawn back to each other by a force stronger than gravity, they collide again, but it isn't a kiss this time. It's a hug charged with all of the previously unspoken emotions they've buried inside of themselves for years, the same hug she gave him the last time she came to this house with the fear of his potential death lingering in her thoughts.

She throws herself at him with the same desperation she did that day and relishes the feeling of his muscular arms returning the embrace until their bodies are tangled together. She'd usually never refer to something as inherently affectionate as an embrace as violent, but it's the closest she can come to capturing how it feels as their bodies meet. It makes her lose her footing on the bottom step they stand on together, teetering on the edge she'd surely slip off of with the force if not for him keeping her steady.

He's about to say something, a thank you to her for calling him out on his bullshit and not letting him go that easily, when the grating sound of her ringtone blares from the back pocket of her denim shorts.

The contact popping up on the screen along with a series of frantic messages when she pulls away from him to answer shows Pope's name.

Pope You and JJ need to get back to the Chateau ASAP!!

The van doors slam shut behind Y/N and JJ as soon as it rolls to a stop in front of the Chateau.

Under the assumption that something dire happened, as in injury or death or catastrophic damage to the house itself, they bolted off of that porch faster than they knew they could move. She only turned back when she remembered the packed back of JJ's things they abandoned on his bedroom floor and, not wanting him to reenter the house, she brought it back to the Twinkie in record time.

They're preparing to trample up the porch into the house like a stampede of animals when they hear Kie calling them over to the backyard and change direction.

"No one's hurt!" she shouts, knowing that was likely where their minds went after everything they went through during the summer, "You have to see this though, I don't know who did it!"

Sticks and fallen leaves crunch beneath her feet on her way around the side of the house. Her mind races with the possibility of what could've happened that didn't hurt their friends but necessitated a series of texts and calls as frantic as the ones she received at JJ's house. She drove over here in defiance of the speed limit, something she rarely does, and prayed nothing terrible was happening.

It gave her flashbacks to when she found out John B and Sarah died in the storm. The pedal beneath her foot brought the van to an uncomfortably swift speed, then she remembered the sound of Shoupe's voice when he gave them the news. JJ warned her to slow down, then she remembered how it took multiple people to help her restrain him from attacking the new sheriff for letting his men drive their friends into their deaths.

At first, she doesn't realize what's wrong.

Kiara and Pope are standing and waiting for them across the grass near the large tree that sits as a centerpiece to their yard. Based on the body language screaming their frustration and the tears in their eyes, she can tell something bad did happen, but it's not clear what it is until she looks past them to the tree. More specifically, until she looks at what's on the tree.

"Oh my god," she whispers to herself.

Her hand is already up to cover her mouth and conceal the instantaneous frown besmirching her previously relaxed face. They both are stopped in their tracks halfway to where their friends are standing, and she can’t hear JJ's reaction over the rising volume of her hysterical thoughts.

Spray painted in red on top of their memorial for John B are the words "COP KILLER" in bold letters that conceal what they burned into the tree trunk for his gravestone. It sticks out from the beauty of the greens, browns, blues, and swathes of other earthy tones composing the scenery around the Chateau like a thorn amongst flowers, so much so that she wonders how she didn't instantly see it when they rounded the corner to come back here.

Yet that isn't the only thing amiss in the peaceful sanctuary they call home, there are random things strewn around the ground around the tree. An old t-shirt spray painted with the word "murderer" on the front, four ripped up envelopes, and a gorgeous mahogany jewelry box...broken on the grass.

The freshly turned dirt they had the contents of the box buried beneath is scattered around the trashed area as well. It clicks with her a few seconds late that whoever came here to do this must have seen the pinwheel she put in the ground to mark the "grave" and dug it up to add insult to injury.

She moves forward without consciously realizing it and stumbles until she reaches the first object of the debris field. Before this, she was doing a masterful job of holding in her cries, but as soon as she crouches down to pick up the pieces of the jewelry box, the lid snapped clean off the hinges to separate it from the bottom section, it comes rushing out of her against her will. The first unrestrained keen is the first thing to snap JJ out of his shell shocked trance.

He walks after her as fast as his legs will take him without breaking into a run, but she isn't letting him get close before she puts the box back down and shuffles forward to collect the torn letter remains. She doesn't want them to get blown away by the wind anymore than they already might have been, so she scrambles to gather the pieces until they're cupped in her hands to protect them.

"Why?" she asks and looks up at Kie and Pope with tears dripping down her face, "Why would anyone do this? Who would do this?"

Pope says, "My guess is as good as yours. We didn't see anyone leaving when we got here, so it must've happened before school ended. This is all we saw before we called you guys."

For a second or two, JJ is grasping at straws for why this happened and who did it like the rest of them are, but then something Pope said makes it click into place. It sets off a domino effect in his mind as he brings back the memory of a certain offspring of satan being absent from gym this afternoon despite being at school earlier, since his encounter with her before Physics made him, unfortunately, aware of her existence again.

His face is set in anger, jaw clenching with the tension of him grinding his teeth together, and he takes his hat off to fidget with it between his hands for a second. Their friends are too focused on her crying to see him contemplating it, but as soon as he speaks, they look up to see him setting his hat back onto his head in preparation to leave and track Kacey down.

Y/N's head snaps up from the torn letters in her hands to the sight of him storming off across the yard with his only goodbye being the words, "I'm gonna kill that bitch."

Her and Pope stare after him in shock, unable to put the pieces together about who that "bitch" is, but Kie doesn't miss a single beat. While Y/N is crumpled over on the ground in tears, she's rushing after JJ before he can approach the bike parked in front of the house. He doesn't even make it five steps before he feels her hands latching onto his wrist to stop him.

She asks, "Who the hell are you talking about? And why would they do this?"

His eyes narrow at her. His unreleased frustration for the situation in general and having to watch Y/N cry after an emotional afternoon together comes rushing out when he snaps at her.

"Kacey. She talked shit at school and I put her in her place. Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna pay her a little visit."

He yanks his arm sharply towards himself to free it from her grip, but she's a step ahead of him. Quicker than he can think to stop her, Kie swipes the keys hanging out of his back pocket away and throws them to Pope, who, bless his heart, can't catch to save his life. The key ring jingles with its contact at the dead center of his chest, and she mouths an apology to him before turning back to face JJ.

"What the fuck, Kie?"

He makes to stomp past her and retrieve the keys from Pope only to be stopped by her hands reaching out to grab his shoulders.

"Listen to me, you can't go anywhere. Look at her," she whispers lowly enough to keep Y/N from hearing, pointing behind her to where she sits on the ground with Pope knelt beside her, "I wouldn't put it past Kacey to pull a stunt like this. I'm just as mad as you, but revenge can wait and you know it. She needs you."

The fury visible in his expression is subdued by looking past Kie's shoulder to see Y/N crying softly to Pope about the vandalized memorial.

The last time he saw her so distraught over something, it was the day they made the memorial and buried the box in the first place. She sits on her knees with her mom's broken jewelry box between them, shuddering with the sobs she has no control over, and pours the torn paper into the empty bottom half of the box. Exhausted to the core, she looks more like a sullen, kicked puppy than she does herself.

It makes his anger-fueled instincts that urge him to hunt Kacey down and do something, anything he can to make her feel the pain they do right now bubble down into sorrow. It's visible in his eyes when he looks at her.

Kie knows she's gotten under his skin when he sighs, sparing a parting glance to the bike in the driveway, and nods once at her before setting off back to where they're sitting in the grass.

Meanwhile, Y/N is stuck staring down at the disarray of her backyard with nothing but pain aching through her to the bone.

Her brother did wrong things sometimes as a consequence of being human, but never this, never something worthy of having his name dragged through the mud and being branded a murderer after his death. He stole scuba gear from Ward and broke dozens of laws in their hunt for the gold, but he never crossed that line into moral bankruptcy. Rafe did, and it kills JJ to see someone like Kacey do this to his best friend while hanging off of Rafe and his friends like a leech.

The fabric of his worn t-shirt is tarnished by the dried paint clinging to the front of it to the spell the lie written there, and her vision blurs with tears for what feels like the millionth time in the span of an hour. First, it was JJ. Now, it's John B, and she can't help but wonder if the heartache will ever end. It began to feel better over the course of the week, her grief for him slowly beginning to slip from her mind until now. Until the storm clouds converged again to batter her with another wave of it.

Through the deafening volume of her mind racing with thoughts and feelings to process what's happened, she hears Pope shuffling around to stand on his feet. Then, another person sits down in his place and scoots closer until their bodies are touching, and she knows it's him. She doesn't have to wait to hear his voice or look to see his face, she can tell based on the feeling of his touch and the smell of him she's so intimately familiar with, yet couldn't describe it aloud if she tried.

He doesn't smother her. He sits close enough to touch her and doesn't push it any further.

The background of the pale, cloudless sky frames him in the foreground like the subject of a painting—a living, breathing painting that she could study endlessly. The other trees planted in the yard's leaves flutter distantly behind him and try to draw her gaze away, but she keeps her eyes on him.

Maybe that's how it is, she thinks.

Maybe it'll get better and worse in a dance that'll only stop when they're no longer here to agonize over it. Maybe this is what moving on from John B will always be like. It'll feel like they've made strides in the right direction, then something will come along to shatter it to sharp pieces that'll reopen their stitched up wounds. If that's the case, at least the four of them have each other to lean on when it gets worse again.

JJ sits with her and lets her crawl onto his lap, resting her head on his shoulder, until the sun sinks below the horizon.

The gentle bobbing of the HMS Pogue at the surface of the water steadies her amidst her eddying thoughts. It keeps her present to the moment the way the ropes tying the boat to the dock keeps it from floating adrift into the marsh. It's a motion engrained in her from the start of her life until now from countless days spent on the water. Whether it be for fishing, swimming, or playing make believe with her boys all those years ago, it's as much a part of her as her personality or body itself.

JJ was right about one thing: being out on the water makes it easier to think.

He hasn't followed her out since she woke up before sunrise and snuck out of bed to come here. Despite her efforts not to wake him, he woke up when she disentangled her body from his, silently cursing the fact that they always cuddle so closely, and he tried to pull her back to him with a whine of displeasure in his groggy, half-asleep state. Sleep finally found them after hours of staying up together to talk about what Kacey did, unable to relax from the chaos of yesterday, so he wasn't prepared to wake up that soon.

"Go back to sleep, angel," she whispered as she hovered over him, brushing a chaste kiss to his lips that he was too tired to return.

That was the last time she saw him since this morning, and now that the sun has risen to its peak in the sky without her moving an inch from her perch atop the bow of the boat, she's begun to wonder if he's awake yet. It isn't uncommon for them to sleep in for half of the day when there isn't school or work, so it isn't surprising to her that he's just now waking up when she hears the back door to the Chateau opening and closing.

Unbeknownst to her, JJ has been awake the entire morning since she left bed.

They were so attached to each other yesterday night, he didn't have the time to put it together without her seeing and ruining the surprise, but once he heard the door to the porch close to signify her leaving, he kicked the blankets off of himself and got to work. He wasn't originally planning on starting so early, since they stayed up late into the night together, but once he woke up to the feeling of her sneaking out of his arms, he was too awake to fall back asleep.

The sound of his footsteps on the dock warns her of his approach, but she doesn't raise her head from where she rests it in her palms to stare out at the water.

"I was wondering when you'd finally wake up," she says.

There's another few steps, then the boat jostles with his weight stepping onto it.

He doesn't say anything to her in response. The only clue she gets as to what he's doing are the footsteps on the deck that lead closer to her until she feels him sitting down on the bow next to where she is. And she's about to open her mouth to ask if he's okay when he sets something down in front of her.

It's a shoe box.

Y/N turns to see him, eyes flickering over his tired face, and looks back at the box with furrowed brows.

"What is this?"

His hair is messy, exactly how it was when she left him in bed this morning, and if she weren't more focused on the mysterious box he plopped down in front of her, she'd be combing through it with her fingers. He's gotten used to those casual displays of affection from her; how she runs her hands through his hair on mornings before school when he forgets to brush it, or when she fixes a button on his flannel that he missed.

JJ's lips are tipped in a smile, and she can't help but blush with how he looks at her. She never used to see it, but he has always looked at her like this. Like he's hopelessly, utterly in love with her. Even before they lost John B, back when he'd expend all of his romantic and sexual attention on girls he hardly knew, he still looked at her this way.

He gestures at it and says, "Open it."

The lid of the box is coated in a freshly dried layer of blue paint to match the shade of the sky overhead. She knows instantly that he must have dug through the arts and crafts box she specifically labeled with a warning for him and John B to stay out. It's painted with aimlessly sloppy brushstrokes and stickers placed at every corner of the cardboard box, all of which she recognizes from the stash she kept under her bed alongside the India ink he borrowed last Friday.

As she gives him a skeptical look and reaches to lift the lid off of the shoe box, she makes a mental note to rewrite the label on the arts and crafts box without the warning for him to keep out. Since John B isn't here to steal anything from it and JJ never follows that rule anyway, it's redundant at this point.

Any skepticism is washed away from her face as soon as she flips the lid open to reveal what's inside. It leaves her speechless as she looks down at it all.

"JJ..." she murmurs in awe.

Sitting at the bottom of it is a folded up t-shirt she saw JJ wear multiple times, but never again since John B died. He refused to glance at the shirt his best friend gave him the year before they never saw him again, let alone dig it out of the corner of her closet where he keeps his things...until now.

But that's a scratch on the surface of all of the things about his gift that stuns her to silence. The next thing to catch her immediate attention is a picture she hasn't seen in years.

It's one that Big John took of the three of them together right where she and JJ are sitting. She was much younger in it, flashing a toothy grin with her arms thrown over both boys' shoulders. To her left, John B was leaning his head on her shoulder. To her right, JJ was wearing an eyepatch they crafted out of an old black shirt he stole from his dad. It was cut with the kitchen scissors and tied around the back of his head in a knot.

She brushes her thumb over John B's face, then sets the crinkled photograph back down atop the folded shirt and moves her attention to the last surprise.

Letters.

Torn up pieces of paper painstakingly taped back together sit one on top of the other, some missing pieces here or there, and it makes her mouth part in shock. Her hands shuffle the letters apart to see each one and recognize the handwriting: Kie's bubbly, swirling letters, Pope's neat cursive, hers, and JJ's chicken scratch writing that she's able to decipher from years of proofreading his essays.

She pictures him at her desk all morning while she was sitting out here, ripping tape off of the roll and arranging the puzzle pieces of the ripped letters until he was sure he got it right. It made him want to rip the hair from his scalp, but he sat there and pushed through the frustration to make it as perfect as he could for her. The missing pieces were primarily from Kie's letter, which fluttered away on a balmy breeze when Kacey tore it up and threw it to the ground, but the one he wanted her to have the most wasn't missing more than a single piece.

Y/N looks up from the letters held like a precious treasure in her hands to see him watching her with that same classic JJ smile on his face, but he doesn't let her get a word in yet.

"Go on," he says, leaning closer to pull his letter to John B out and place it on top of the pile for her to read, "I want you to read it."

"You didn't let me read it when I asked before though, are you sure you—"

He interrupts her before she can worry herself over it, "Dude, just read it. I promise I'm fine with it. I want you to."

The letters crinkle under her touch as she looks back down and smooths them out on the deck enough to read through the clear tape. With one last confirming glance to him for permission, she takes a deep breath and reads the first line.

Dear John B,

You really know how to keep a guy on his toes, don't you? You really outdid yourself on this one. I was so sure we were gonna make it, but I guess you had to go all Romeo and Juliet on us, huh? As long as you and Sarah are happy macking on each other in heaven, it's okay.

In all seriousness, I fucking miss you, bro. I miss you more than I realized a person could miss another person. Whenever I need to talk to you again, I don't know what to do. I guess that's why it's good that Y/N made me write this.

Also, I'm really sorry for—

"What does it say there? There's a whole chunk missing," she murmurs.

He scoots close enough to her that she can feel his body warmth radiating onto her through the shoulder of his flannel. Sunlight reflects on the silver rings decorating his fingers as he holds one side of the paper to tilt it enough for him to squint at.

"Macking, I think. It's supposed to say "I'm sorry for macking on your sister."

—macking on your sister. You can totally kick my ass for it, but before you come back from the grave to murder me, let me defend myself, okay? She isn't just another girl for me, John B.

I think you knew it before I did.

Last summer, you asked me straight up if we were hooking up behind your back after I kissed her in front of you on the porch. I laughed in your face, but you were right.

You saw everything before me, man. You knew I loved her since we were kids and waited for us to come to you about it, so that's gotta mean something, right? I hope it means you wouldn't be mad at me for this.

I swear I won't fuck it up with her, but you already know that. That's why you asked me to take care of her,. I didn't know why at the time but I do now. I won't let you down.

I'm keeping my promise.

- JJ

P.S. Don't miss me too much. We'll be shotgunning beers together up there before you know it.

There are tears blooming in her eyes when she lifts her gaze from the tattered paper to look at him again, but they aren't sad. For once, the tears slipping down her cheeks are happy tears, not born from grief, sadness, and pain, but bittersweet happiness.

They're caught staring at each other for a second before he asks her shyly, "It isn't too sappy or anything, is it? 'Cause I thought it—"

"C'mere," is the only thing she can get out before she's tugging him forward by the front of his shirt to kiss him.

JJ stumbles a little with the unexpected force of her pulling him to her, but he takes it in stride. He steadies himself and lets his hands shoot out to grapple for purchase on her waist, keeping her pressed up against him tightly as he kisses her back.

And it doesn't get much better than this, does it? This is it for him. He meant what he wrote to John B, he won't fuck it up with her, especially not because of his trauma with his dad getting inside his head and sabotaging his relationship with her. This is what makes everything worth it.

It brings happy tears to his eyes too.

She can taste the salt of them where their lips meet in the middle. It makes her smile, wrapping her arms around his neck and clenching the letters he mended for her in her fist to keep them from blowing away in the wind, and they both start to laugh into each other's mouths at the poignant feeling they both share but can't quite place.

They pull away from each other to catch their breath after another moment of it, and she can't help but stare. How could she not when she feels like this? It’s less like he’s her boyfriend and more like a piece of her soul has attached itself to his with no hope of letting go in the near future.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me," she whispers to him.

Plain and simple. No room for disagreement or a bashful rejection of the compliment. She's pulled back from him enough to hold his gaze and make sure he sees her seriousness, and there isn't anything he can do to refute her statement.

He brushes his nose against hers affectionately, dipping down to kiss her again, but when he leans back to see her face, he can't help himself.

"Ditto."

The rest of the day after their moment on the boat, locked away in their own little world where none of the monsters chasing them could sneak through and ruin it, melts away peacefully. After another half hour spent looking through the box together, of her thanking him over and over again, he hops off of the HMS Pogue onto the dock and extends his hand to her in the most gentlemanly manner possible.

His lips are curved into a smirk as he kneels down on one knee as though she's a revered royal and bows his head in subservience, "Princess Routledge."

Her hand fits in his warm, calloused palm as a perfect match, and she steps off of the boat onto the dock beside him with an expression to match his.

"Captain Maybank," she says in her most regal royalty voice.

Her stellar performance breaks into a laugh they share as he stands and throws his arm around over her shoulder to walk back to the yard. The cardboard box is tucked beneath one of her arms while the other slips around his side to hold him back, and her heart feels full with both the presence of JJ and John B alongside her.

They bury it together.

Tag List: @gabiatthedisco, @fangirlvoice, @black-syren, @apparrio, @particularcth, @planetdemon, @idk-ijustworkhere, and @krisphann

Also, now that it’s over, let me know what your favorite part was in the comments or tags if you’d like to :) I’m curious.

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank smut #outer banks #obx #fanfiction #i'm gonna miss these dorks #🥺 #I love how he tries to break up with her and she’s like ‘no❤️’ #also totally do not put on ‘seven’ by Taylor Swift during the childhood flashbacks unless u wanna cry #cause I did and my sensitive ass was crying #that song is about John B and JJ okay #it just is

[themagicians-girl]

Sun Through The Houses

Sun in the 1st house: 

People notice these individuals because they are leaders and exude confidence. They are unapologetically themselves at all times regardless of where they are or who they are around. It is easy for these individuals to gain respect for this reason. On the other hand, others can envy this and display jealousy or hatred for them. You can often find people with their sun in the first house on the stage whether that be in a leadership position in the workplace, at a theater, or in front of a camera. These people shine and they do so, usually, gracefully. These individuals hold themselves in a proud and dignified way, and expect those around them to do the same. They put much emphasis on their appearance. This does not necessarily mean their looks but mostly how the carry themselves. They will never show up in a wrinkled shirt or with smelly breath. They must appear presentable at all times, because they are opportunists and they want to be ready for anything.   On the dark side, they must watch out for their egotistical and domineering tendencies. 

Sun in the 2nd house:

These individuals strive for pleasure and comfort. They like to own nice things - whatever that means for them individually. Because of the need for possession these people can become workaholics. They may work long hours or strive to be very financially set. Actually, when these people are struggling financially expect them to become severely depressed. They cannot fathom living paycheck to paycheck, its their biggest fear. When these people aren’t at work you can often find them at a restaurant or hanging out at home, which, by the way, their home will be their safe space and very comfortable. They may struggle to leave the home, or with moving in general. These people grow very attached to their home base. They may move out of their parents home older than most, or, if the childhood was chaotic, leave as quickly as possible to find the security they are craving. Sun in the 2nd house people enjoy food A LOT. Cooking them a nice meal is the way to their heart. They are usually good cooks themselves. On the dark side, be mindful of your materialistic nature. It’s okay to believe in things that aren’t only tangible. You don’t need to work 24/7. Money comes and goes. Embrace change, and remember that nothing in the universe is solely ours. Father may have put a lot of emphasis on career growing up, also may have been overbearing and put a lot of pressure on the child.

Sun in the 3rd house:

These people love to learn and travel. They live for it. They are the types to buy a rundown bus, throw a mattress in it, and travel the country. They don’t care for materialistic possessions, they just wish to seek endless knowledge. Actually, they need to be mentally stimulated at all times. Which may cause mental anxiety at times because they do not know how to slow down, rest, and recharge. These people may be good at trivia, because they know a little about everything. If aspects are positive, will have a solid relationship with siblings. You can find these people listening to podcasts, at the library, reading, or watching documentaries. Most likely the podcasts though, because they like to be on the move. Expect these people to travel often. If they don’t have the means to travel, they will immerse themselves in travel any other way they can via; movies, events, stories, friends, etc. Could be excellent teachers if they can develop patience, something they struggle with. Skills to develop: dig deeper into your passions, not just surface level. Stick with hobbies and projects longer, see them through. How many unfinished projects do you have right now? 

Sun in the 4th:

These people have an attachment to their family whether it be good or bad, its there and prevalent in their life. They are always pulled to the family, away or towards. If aspects were negative, they may have had an abusive father who stifled their growth or did not allow them to be who they truly wanted to be. If aspects were good, they probably have a very good relationship with the father. May really want children or at least, a solid family structure (family can mean anything). These people are nurturing, kind, and empathetic souls. They enjoy feeling embraced and cared for, and will make you feel the same. They are very proud of those they consider family and are protective of them. These individuals may work in settings where they serve others in one way or another. People trust them. Be mindful not to become possessive of those you hold closest to you, and if you’re struggling with the family, it’s okay to get help for that. 

Sun in the 5th: 

Some of the most creative people you will ever meet. They love the arts and creative adventures. They are most likely involved in art in some form, whether that be singing, modeling, painting, or photography. These individuals have what it takes to entice an audience, and they do all of the time. Many admirers. May struggle to chose a long term partner due to enjoying attention from many. Sun in the 5th house people have many friends and people will admire them. They are gregarious and full of life. They love to party and have a good time. They aren’t the type to spent much time alone. They’d prefer to be out adventuring or creating with others. Probably love children and children probably love them too. These people are very vocal, it’s hard to miss them. They may love makeup, and put a lot of effort into their looks. They can charm others. On the dark side, be weary of leading people on or being too full of yourself. Ask yourself, do you really like that person, or do you like the attention they are giving you? It’s okay to share the spotlight with others. You will find support when you give support.

Sun in the 6th:

These people throw themselves into work and serving others. They spent a majority of their time at work, and find it hard to take vacations or relax. May have an emphasis on nutrition or working out, may take those aspects of life too far and struggle with self-esteem. These individuals are often selfless and caring. They are excellent friends. They are practical rather than emotional in their approach to life. May have had a parent that was overbearing and expected them to be perfectionists which developed into anxiety and indecision in adulthood. Lack of trust for oneself. These people are good at tending to things. They are the type to find a stray animal and take it home and nurture it. They are fixers in all aspects of life. Should their chart have positive aspects to the sun, they will take good care of their physical and mental health and will inspire others to do the same. On the dark side, your career is not a personality trait. Develop skills and passions outside of work, or you will bore others crazy. It’s okay to relax and experience pleasure.

Sun in the 7th: 

Expect these people to have a close circle of people very dear to them. They strive for interpersonal relationships. It makes them feel whole. Other people, make them feel whole. Which can teeter on negative or positive, depending how much independence the person has acquired. Regardless, these individuals know how to make connections. They may have many acquaintances. They strive for balance and harmony in life. They may work in fields where they act as a mediator of some sorts, such as counseling. When the Sun is in the 7th house of one on one relationships, these people will struggle to distinguish themselves between their own self and others. They must work hard to maintain boundaries for themselves or they will run themselves too thin. These people are empathetic, caring, and selfless. They will be the most support friend and lover. They are excellent communicators and can make two of the worst enemies find an understanding. They are respected for their diplomacy. 

Sun in the 8th:

Regardless if the Sun is in an extroverted sign such as Leo or Gemini, people with 8th house Suns will appear quieter and more private. Much of their personality is hidden and they only show it to those they trust. These people may appear distant, without trying. They just feel hard to reach. These people enjoy what is hidden. They may have secret hobbies or passions. May have obsessive tendencies and struggle with depression. May live a double lifestyle. Dark humor. If aspects to the sun are negative, may have lost the father during childhood in someway. These people are excellent detectives. They love uncovering the mysteries around them, especially other peoples mysteries. You can’t hide anything from Sun in the 8th people, and if you do, they will feel betrayed and never trust you again. Trust is big for these people. May have few friends, but the friends they do have will last a lifetime. May dabble with the occult or darker aspects of life such as taboo, kink, witchcraft, etc. Dark sense of humor.

Sun in the 9th house:

These individuals put much emphasis on personal development. They want to endlessly search for knowledge and to become the best person they can be. They would prefer to be intelligent above anything else. These people make excellent teachers. They want to travel or live in foreign countries. Father may be of a  vastly different nationality to mother or was born elsewhere. These individuals are interested in history, law, philosophy, and language. May speak multiple languages. May have friends that live all over the world. These people are expansive and want to adventure the world. They feel they must in order to fulfill their life purpose. They need independence and freedom from others. They enjoy mentally stimulating conversations. If they can learn something new from you, they will respect you.

Sun in the 10th house:

Individuals with their sun in the 10th house are easy to spot. They will be in a position of power or will be in the spotlight somehow. They strive to be in the public eye. They are leaders and want to live a life of fame. They want to be known and respected. They usually deserve the roles they achieve because they are hard workers. They have much to teach others regarding chasing success and dreams. Very rarely will you meet a Sun in the 10th person that isn’t chasing a dream of some sort. These individuals need to have goals to work towards. Complacency is not their friend. When they aren’t being productive they may become depressed. A struggle for people with their Suns in the 10th is that, although they want admiration, they struggle to have meaningful relationships with others. Relationships may rely on business partnerships rather than a true bond. Don’t abuse your power or sell your soul in search of it. Fame is nothing compared to genuine care and love. Balance.

Sun in the 11th:

People with their Sun in the 11th house have booked schedules for months in advance. They are always attending events, workshops, or traveling. They are involved in many organizations whether that be community outreach, clubs, committees, or social circles. They want to be surrounded by people and community. These individuals bring friends together and can introduce many people to one another. They feel most whole when they belong to a group. You can expect them to have many acquaintances and friends. On the downside, their romantic relationships may struggle because they want to spend all of their free time with friends. Must achieve independence from their groups. May be great planners and organizers. Eccentric and unique people. May struggle to understand who they are apart from others. 

Sun in the 12th: 

These individuals are sensitive idealists. They love animals and taking care of vulnerable people, because they feel vulnerable them self. These people often get stuck in a daydream or fantasy world. They can struggle to ground themselves in the present moment because of this. Psychic intuition. Escapist tendencies due to feeling like the world is too harsh. Must work to develop thicker skin. Usually extremely creative and artistic because they hide away so often into their own world. May be quieter individuals or introverted. They enjoy one on one interactions or smaller groups to a big crowd. May have very vivid dreams. Can easily read others emotions. May be prone to wearing rose colored glasses. Father may have been aloof or not in the childs life. Be mindful of substance abuse or manipulating others when you feel threatened. 

As always, look at your chart as a whole.

Love,

Jaclyn

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[hillarysss]

RAHU PLANET COMBINATIONS🦹🏽‍♀️

RAHU IN THE HOUSES <<< !!

Rahu is a natural malefic. Some planets can ease the malefic effects or could make it more challenging. It will depend on the whole chart as these are my general interpretations. Rahu is not a physical planet.  

Some words associated with Rahu:  confusion, obsession, travel, diseases, slyness, tricky intelligence. 

How to calculate my Vedic Birth-chart?

https://vaultoftheheavens.com/ChartCreatorLahiri/Welcome.aspx (Click North Indian, It is preferred.** Rahu will show up as “Ra”. Look at what number Rahu is placed and if there is any other planets with Rahu. **

Also these outer planets are not used in Vedic astrology. (Neptune, Pluto, Uranus.)

Do note some interperations would slightly change depending on the sign the Planet and Rahu is in. And what house. And what other planets are affecting. And just overall the rest of the chart. 

RAHU CONJUCT VENUS

Venus is a friend to Rahu. Attracts the opposite sex with not much effort. Is very common for people with this placement to be in a bunch of relationships in this lifetime, however they’re always looking for that perfect partner. May be attracted to fashion industry or film industry. You will easily get fame through these industries. Spouse will most likely be from a different culture and land. However, can find themselves cheating on their partners. It is not uncommon for this conjuction. Relationship troubles is bound with this conjuction. Can be in love with the idea of love and hold partners to unrealistic standards. May be interested in writing.  Can be very manipulative but usually goes unnoticed. Can use their beauty as well to their advatange. 

RAHU CONJUCT SUN

Also a rare combination. Rahu is not good with the Sun.  Person may pride themselves in being confident in their own skin but is deeply insecure as Rahu is the planet of illusions. Person has a tendency to develop a big ego therefore can care a lot more about themselves. Person wants a lot of capability and power in life and is not afraid to step on others to get it. May not like their father. Is a risk-taker but doesn’t mean it always ends up well. Has almost all it takes to be a politician. However, these people are good leaders. May have not had a happy family. Father could live far away. They can be seen as honest but they usually tend to deceive. Dark situations in life are promiment.

RAHU CONJUCT JUPITER

This is a good combination as Jupiter can strongly control Rahu. Such person is extremely intelligent. Person can have unpopular beliefs that most people would be agaisn’t. Such person can use their mental intelligence to every day life and find logic in every situation. Will have good education and higher knowledge. Is prone to be spiritual and could even be a spiritual teacher. Can take a love on books. Will succeed in Business and have massive amount of wealth. Such person is unique. However, they can develop a secret ego.

RAHU CONJUCT SATURN

This conjuction is one of the rarest. Occurs every 11-12 years. Such person can feel restricted to get what they want and this will make them obsessive to what they want and eventually will achieve it. This does take a toll on someone’s mental health. Person could have unhealthy coping mechanisms. Could be prone to hurting themselves in cricis. And mental crisis. Such traumatic events can happen such as theft and kidnapping. Person could’ve tried to ran away from their home. Abused as a kid. Can have trouble sleeping & a parent figure could be with another partner or be dead. Marriage may not happen or be very delayed and will also cause misfortune in marriage multiple times. However its not all BAD. It is preferable if Rahu or/and saturn is in it’s own sign or a friendly sign. Person could achieve wealth through illegal acts. Could have interest in computer programming and engineering.

RAHU CONJUCT MOON

This combination is quite common. Such person is guided by their emotions and can at times feel like their emotions are real or they’re faking whatever they’re going through. Such person is not at all practical. There is no emotional support, person is manipulative and will use their emotional tendecies to get their way. Such person is extremely creative and can manifest in writing especially in 3rd house. Should try to draw out their emotions can make beautiful work out of it. Such person believes their own deceptions. Unrealistic thoughts can manifest in ways that makes the person dissapointed when reality does not match their false perception. This can lead to serious depression. Takes an interested in pioneering. May like to watch a bunch of drama shows/comedies.

RAHU CONJUCT MERCURY

Such person is extremely intelligent especially when it comes to any form of communication. And can use that to their advantange. They have great speeches that most people will believe in. Such person should not have any trouble making friends this lifetime. Such person could have great interest in writing and journaling. But this can also lead to someone who gets stressed out easily. Most likely has a very magnetic voice. Will benefit from making causes in Social Media. Person is extremely observants of things around them. Is very hard for something to go unnoticed by this person. If malefic placed in chart however this can lead to poor memory and anxious tendencies and dyslexia. Can manipulate easily and can take control with their wit. Could benefit from trade.

RAHU CONJUCT MARS

Usually this brings a very unhappy love life. Such person experiences sudden near death experiences or very damaging acts. (Usually physically). Such person has horrible temper and can egange in violent tendecies. Lazy with routine. Such person is restless and should engage in sports to let their energy be controlled in a healthy way. Person may not live around where they were born. Since Rahu is about Illusions such person can be deceiving towards themselves about their physical abillities. Person may resort to smoking and interest in tobbaco. Could be interested in Crimes. Physical apperance is attractive but person may look intimidating. Driving may be careless. Partner could be a foreigner. Person could take interest in drugs. Or their partner might be interested in tobbaco and drugs. Extremely adventours and excells as an egineer. 

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