#just call your bar association or google

[emberfrostlovesloki]

A for Effort [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (Google) (Center (@hotch-girl) Right (@archaic-stranger)

Prompt: A meet-cute of how Aaron met the non-BAU reader at Penelope’s theater improv group show. And how Aaron accompanies the reader to host her Halloween extra-credit horror movie watch and discussion for her students. 

Pairing: Hotch x fem presenting reader. The reader uses she/her pronouns. 

Category: Angst/fluff/comfort 

Word Count: 8.2K 

Content Warnings: Canon typical violence (unsub drugs and beats teenagers, Hotch takes a beating, awkwardness, mention of being cheated on (reader’s boyfriend cheats on her with a best friend), mention of separation, light drinking, unwanted touch (a guy is handsy with the reader), vomit is mentioned (in the context of the film The Exorcist), religious themes, mention of intimacy (sexual touch over the clothes) If I missed any, please let me know. 

A/N: This one is just me having fun. I did give my students extra credit where we watched a horror movie and discussed the elements of the film. I couldn’t help but picture Aaron there with me, so I wrote this. I teach English but I’ve made this story that there could be a plethora of subjects. I really like the meet-cute element of this story. It was fun to write. If you like this story, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. Below I have included some cultural definitions for my international readers. If you’re from the States, especially the South and you know what dance halls and cotilion are, then feel free to skip this. I just want to make sure my readers feel included. Please know I am not good at line dancing or swing dancing - I do ballet to this is not my personal dance style. Lastly, before I sign off, you can vote for the next Aaron story you want from me at this post (linked). I hope you have a great night - Love Levi

Definitions

Dance Hall: An enclosed space with a dance floor, a stage for live music, and a bar (normally). The space is pretty age-inclusive and most music is country. Couples and singles come and often mix and match partners. Some people go to show off their skills here. The dances are normally line dances or swing dancing which relies a lot on improv. The lighting is normally dimmed, though not as much as at a nightclub. 

Cotillion: Essentially manners class. These can be after school or on the weekends. It’s associated with the debutant circle and court. 

List with all stories 

_y/n_ = your name 

_l/n_ = your last name

_y/l/g/s_ = your local grocery store 

_y/e/c_ = your eye color. 

_y/f/a(s)/s_ = your favorite art (or science) subject - aka English, film, art, psychology, etc. 

_y/u_ = your university 

_y/s’s/d’s/b_ = your subject’s department’s building 

Aaron sat down in the second to last folding chair with a very small grunt. The sound was so quiet that Spencer, who was on his right side, didn’t even notice that he had made it. The last case had seen Hotch tracking down a stalker who was preying on teenage girls, drugging and beating them severely before dumping their bodies on the steps of their parent's houses to be found the next morning. Aaron had experienced the strength of the forty-seven-year-old unsub as they had sprinted down an alleyway. The team had gotten to the fifth victim just in time. With Rossi, Spencer, and Emily taking care of the teen, Aaron and Morgan gave chase on foot. When both met a crossroads, each took a path. Aaron took the sidewalk to the left. Using all of his strength, Hotch had been able to catch up to the unsub. When they reached a dead end, the power balance changed. The unsub, Kevin Leery, realized his only means of escape was fighting his way out. The man quickly turned before Aaron, who was now pretty winded from all the running, could pull his sidearm. Hotch had been victorious, though, by the state of his aching body, he might not say so. Rossi had called the paramedics for him. The medics assured Rossi and the team, more than himself, that he would be fine in a few days. That there were no broken bones, just some bruised ribs, and a pretty battered left hand. Aaron’s attention shifted as there seemed to be movement behind the small curtain that was waiting to be raised. Hotch was glad for this distraction. He needed his mind on other things than his body. When Garcia had taken up improv as a hobby, the whole team was on board. Especially Morgan. Derek, at least twice a week would say, “Now Babygirl, when do we get to see a performance?” Penelope would blush and say, “When we’re ready. You can’t rush talent, and the whole troupe is still getting everyone else's vibe.” Aaron would give a small smile that he tried to hide when he overheard these conversations. Improv felt like the perfect art for his technical analyst. When the first performance was announced, Garcia printed fliers and invited the whole team to come and watch the show and then grab dinner afterward. Everyone had joyfully agreed. Aaron had marked the date on his personal calendar over a month out. He ensured that Jack could be at Hailey’s that day. The anticipation grew as the one-night performance loomed. Garcia had said a few things about breaking the fourth wall and audience participation. Hotch was sure that whoever was picked wouldn’t be him. Garcia knew him too well to let that happen. Part of him wanted whoever was making that choice pick to Derek. He thought it would be fun to see his friend on stage attempting to play an act. And Aaron knew that Morgan was easy-going enough to play along with whatever the group had him do. 

Aaron’s thoughts were pulled from the curtain and any movement that may or may not be going on behind it as someone tapped his shoulder and asked, “Sorry is this seat taken?” Hotch’s eyes snapped to the woman who was standing in the small aisle of the tiny theater the improv group had rented out for the evening. Aaron’s gaze looked into the inquisitive face of the stranger, and he said, “Yes, I mean no, No it’s not. Feel free to sit here. Sorry.” Hotch wasn’t sure why he was being stuttery all of a sudden. Most of it was probably because the woman who was now settling into the chair very close to his was incredibly beautiful. However, what Hotch told himself was that this mystery woman was holding flowers and he wasn’t. Hotch stopped himself from face-palming. He had forgotten to bring flowers for Penelope. He would profusely apologize after and then pay whatever amount he needed to get a florist to drop off an arraignment when he got back home. The woman next to him with some trepidation given his recent slip. She made one final shift, as she set her purse and the flowers on the ground in front of her and pulled out the program for the two-act play. While doing this, she inadvertently brushed her thigh up against his. Aaron felt a rush through his body at the contact. Very quietly the woman said, “Sorry.” Hotch looked over, and she was looking at him as if she was making sure he was alright for the unintended contact. Hotch gave a small nod and said, “Don’t worry about it.” After the contact, the person sitting next to him seemed to be the only thing he could focus on. She had pulled her legs and body tight into the chair, to not touch him again. The light scent of her perfume washed over him with her body heat. They were just an inch or two apart, and Hotch couldn’t help but observe her as she flipped through the program with an interest. To not seem weird or be caught staring, Aaron looked to his right at the team. If Spencer had noticed his odd behavior, the boy-wonder wasn’t letting on. But when Hotch’s eyes moved one chair over, Rossi looked at him with eyebrows raised. This time Aaron couldn't stifle the sigh that he let out at seeing Dave’s expression. His best friend on the team was always on to him about lighting up. About living a little. Aaron always rebuffed these comments. He thought he lived plenty -- and nearly died in the field more than that. All of these conversations, stated or unstated, had started a respectful time after Hailey had left him. Hotch was sure Rossi, and the whole team had seen that his marriage had been crumbling as much as he did. Maybe they saw it before he did. If they had, they didn’t say anything about it apart from Dave, and one very kind comment from Emily. Prentiss had asked him one day late in the office, “Are you alright, Aaron?” It was a hypothetical question, and he replied, “I think I am. Thank you for asking, Em.” They had left it at that. Aaron still thought about that comment sometimes. There was a small movement from the companion to his left like they had heard his sigh and stilled their movements because of it. Aaron willed himself to not look back at the woman. Thankfully the lights dimmed and the curtain raised. 

The play was about a man who worked at an office and was slowly losing his mind. The program said the idea was loosely based on the short story, “Bartleby the Scrivener” by Melville. Garcia played the perky secretary who was always badgering the lead about this private life. The play was funny. The dynamic between the actors was natural as they riffed off each other and the confines of the small narrative being built between them. As the first act ramped to conflict with the lead, a youthful-looking man with a mustache broke the fourth wall and said, “But Maddison," which was Penelope’s character’s name, "there’s something I haven’t told you. I have a fiance! And they’re in the room with us” The small crowd in the room all took an intake of breath at the revelation. Suddenly everyone in the small assembled crowd looked at each other. Penelope said, “Well get her up here this instant! I’ve got to meet her. She must be mental if she’s in love with you.” There was a second that with bated horror, that Aaron thought the lead was going to point at him. But the man’s pointer finger pointed at the woman sitting next to him. All eyes turned to her. Aaron could see her deflate a tiny bit. As the man on stage said, “Come up here, beloved. Come and meet the source of my madness.” The woman got up and as she moved toward the stage, he guessed that the protagonist hadn’t informed her beforehand that this would be happening. In the back of his mind, Aaron thought, “What a dick move.” The man helped the woman up onto the stage. She was wearing a skirt, and she was more careful that she didn’t flash anyone as she was hoisted up on the stage than the man helping her upward. At seeing this, something small in Aaron twitched up comfortably. When the woman was on stage, Penelope rushed forward and hugged the woman. Aaron could see that Pen had also seen what he had. Hotch could see in Garcia’s embrace both an act and a real gesture of comfort. Garcia pulled back and asked, “So, you’re cooped up with this old bat all hours of the day and night? How are you coping with that?” There was a tense silence while the audience waited for the woman to respond. The lead moved toward the woman, and his right hand found purchase on her lower back. The woman seemed to lean into the touch. Aaron immediately assumed that the two were a couple. It would make sense if the mustache man had picked her. The silence persisted. It lay heavy over the crowd. It became awkward as the woman looked at the man and the audience. Her eyes shone with anxiety. Finally, the man said, “Have nothing to say about me, darling?” At this, finally, the woman said, looking directly, intently at the man, “Oh sweetness, I could go on and on, and on about you. I just don’t think your friend would like what I have to say.” As soon as that line was uttered, the curtain fell, signaling the short intermission. 

The crowd cheered and applauded as the cast and the woman were veiled. Aaron could hear Emily and JJ, and Derek and Rossi’s conversations about the show so far. They sounded so happy. As Hotch offered a comment to Spencer about the intricacies of Melville’s writing and how it related to the performance, he couldn’t help but think how the woman, when giving her one line had been acting as well. But some small part of her tone had indicated that it wasn’t all an act. That fact gnawed at Aaron like a dog on a bone. The intermission was short, only about fifteen minutes long. As the minutes ticked by, Hotch waited for the woman to return to her seat. After what felt like an eternally long ten minutes, she reappeared and moved down the row to her seat. Hotch offered her a hand as she steeped with high heels around her purse, program, and flowers to take her seat. Aaron looked at her closely as she sat. It was clear to Aaron that she was less joyful than she had been before the show had started. The woman’s makeup was smudged a bit, and he wondered if she had been crying during the brief break. When she was seated, Hotch removed his hand and the woman, very quietly said, ‘Thank you.” Aaron nodded and replied, “Of course.” The man had mentioned engagement on stage, and he couldn’t help himself from looking for a ring on her left hand. He found none. His wedding ring sat heavy in a box on his bedside table, reminding him of his personal shortcomings. For one tiny moment, his heart ached for his woman. Whatever it was she was going through. Aaron rarely allowed himself to have these extraneous emotions, but in the here and now, he couldn’t seem to stop them. The repetition of the lights dimming and the curtain raising once more stopped any further thoughts on the matter. The second half of the play was as funny as the first as the lead slowly lost his sanity and refused to leave the office, even under the direct order of his boss. Subliminally, Aaron felt called out at that element of the storyline. When the play ended there was thunderous applause and a standing ovation was given to the cast. Everyone slowly filtered out of the room and Hotch noticed as the woman moved to the front of the stage and kissed the lead on the mouth, handing her flowers over to him. Aaron turned his head away at the moment of intimacy between the couple. Something about what had happened during the play didn’t sit right with him, but who was he to comment on relationships? 

At the dinner after the show, Pen was showered with the praise she deserved. When things had quieted down, Aaron had over-apologized about not bringing flowers, and Garcia had wholly forgiven him. He asked in a more subdued voice, “So the lead, Richard, he chose who in the audience got called up on stage?” Hotch tried to sound nonchalant but wasn’t sure if he was being convincing. Garcia didn’t seem to notice, and replied, “Yeah. He called his girlfriend, obviously. I’ve had a few conversations with _y/n_ before and after rehearsals. She’s really sweet, and too good for Rich if I’m being honest. I don’t think she appreciated being called out like that.” Aaron nodded as a few more pieces seemed to click into place in his mind. The night wound down, and Hotch managed to get some flowers to Penelope around midnight. It might have cost him $83.75, but it was worth it to get Pen’s text, with a picture attached of the bouquet thanking him profusely. Pen included every flower emoji available in the message. As Aaron got ready to sleep, his thoughts shifted to the woman. He thought back to Garcia’s comments and remembered her name: _y/n_. As he drifted into sleep, he hoped that she was alright. She was happy. 

Neither _y/n_or Aaron expected to see the other ever again. But they did a month later. Hotch was doing his weekly grocery shopping at _y/l/g/s_. The person in front of him in line for the check-out had a scant four items on the conveyor belt. The items were a bottle of wine, some strawberries, a bar of 75% dark chocolate, and a dozen pink roses. Hotch sighed softly and thought, ‘At least someone’s having a good time tonight.’ As the woman who looked oddly familiar to him got to the cashier, they rifled through her purse to find their credit card. She softly said, “Shit.” The cashier told her her total of $25.47. The woman said, “I’m sorry I forgot my wallet in my office. Please just put everything back. Sorry for the inconvenience.” At hearing the woman speak, Aaron recognized the voice of the woman who had sat next to him at Penelope’s performance. The woman seemed to be ready to leave, but Aaron stopped her and said, “I’ve got it.” The woman looked over at him and recognized him immediately. _y/n_, “Oh, No. You don’t have to do that.” Hotch gave her a reassuring smile and replied, “Really, it’s no problem.” He added, “You did very good while onstage by the way. You handled it with grace.” The woman flushed. She said a soft, “Thanks.” After a second, she extended her hand and said, “y/n_, _l/n_.” Aaron took her hand and replied, “Aaron, Hotchner.” _y/n_’s palm was warm in his hand. Lost in the moment, and the woman’s eyes. Hotch asked, “Date night?” At hearing this, _y/n_ seemed to cringe a little bit, and he wondered what he had said wrong. From the small assortment of things _y/n_ was attempting to buy, date night seemed to check out. Date night with Rich, as Pen had said last month. Hotch stopped from sighing at the idea. The woman replied a beat later, “It’s a pity party, actually.” Hearing this, Aaron’s eyes furrowed. _y/n_ quickly clarified, “Let me reframe that in a more positive light. I am taking myself on a date.” There was an awkward silence after that statement and a more awkward cough from the cashier. Aaron stepped up and pulled his card from his wallet in the back left pocket of his jeans. Once he had paid for _y/n_’s groceries, the cashier started scanning his items. The young employee had started to put his groceries in the same bag as _y/n_’s items. Aaron thought about saying something, but he stopped himself. The young man working the till seemed flustered, and he didn’t want to add to the man’s distress. It would be okay if he paid for both groceries and their groceries, and then he could separate _y/n_’s items from his own. _y/n_ stood nearby, tentatively. Once Aaron had paid for his things he grabbed another plastic bag. He shifted through his own items to find _y/n_’s. As he put the four products into the new bag, he had to ask, “‘Pity party?’” Hotch missed the large flush and look of shame on _y/n_’s face as she said candidly, “My boyfriend, ex-boyfriend.. Rich. He kinda cheated on me with my best friend. It’s a whole thing.” Hotch couldn’t help himself from cringing at her honesty. At how painful that must have been for _y/n_. All that Aaron’s brain could supply was a soft, “I’m sorry? I didn’t mean to pry into your personal life.” _y/n_ shrugged her shoulders and said, “I mean, all of my friends and colleagues know. I don’t know why it would be much worse with you in the loop too. Plus you bought me my stuff and I appreciate that.” Aaron flushed again saying, “It’s really nothing given the circumstances.” He held his tongue after that. He had already said too much. Hotch couldn’t figure out where his brain went when he was near _y/n_, but it wasn’t his normal calm and composed self, that’s for sure.

Aaron let _y/n_ go to her car to not hold her up from her ‘date night.’ The recesses of Hotch’s brain wished he could get in the car with _y/n_ and join her in whatever activities she had planned for herself that evening. Hotch reprimanded himself for the thought. _y/n_ had just experienced a real pain, a hurt to the soul, and here he was longing after her like a puppy looking for some attention. For a pat on the back. Using more effort than he wished he had to, Aaron let the moment, the feelings for _y/n_ go. He had to for his well-being. He was certain that it was just fate that he and _y/n_ had bumped into each other twice. As Aaron drove back to his place and unloaded his groceries into his fridge, he found the receipt from the store. The four items from _y/n_ stood out at the top of the waxy paper. Again, he let all of those emotions, which he refused to address, go. Aaron fiddled with the buttons on his shirt and then took off his pants, as he moved into his bedroom. He decided to take a shower to clear his thoughts. Maybe to get another kind of relief that he had been missing since Hailey’s departure. Under the cascade of warm water, Aaron let go with his body and, as he began to dry his form with a warm towel, he cleansed his mind of impure thoughts. He wanted to sleep with an empty mind. One that wouldn’t make him feel guilty. As he drifted off, Hotch hoped _y/n_ had also found some kind of release that night. 

Another month and a half passed before they had their third meeting. It had been the worst team bonding training of all time. The presenter had cheery slides and made high-school-level references to trust and honesty between team members and cohorts. JJ, Rossi, and Morgan had all looked at him with clear disbelief at what they were being subjected to in the hour-long training. When the presenter mentioned something about a trust fall, Aaron almost lost his cool. He could deal with many things, the long hours, the gore he saw weekly, the stress of leading the team, and his eyestrain, but he drew the line at being forced to endure this. He looked over his team with eyebrows drawn taught. When he looked at Garcia she was laughing unabashedly. The presenter was looking at Penelope unsure of himself. Aaron shot Garcia a look that said, “Please, stop now,” even though he wanted to join in on the hilarity of the situation. Once the team had been released from the presenter’s lecture, Hotch gathered the team and said, “Well I promise you all, that…” He gesticulated with his hands, demonstrating, that training, “will never happen again. If you want some real team bonding let's go to that dance hall Emily keeps trying to get us to go to tonight.” Hearing this Prentiss flushed, but she had been saying that it was a really good time and it was. Emily had had a few great evenings at the new dance hall. After a moment of silence, Rossi said, “Here, here. I for one need a stiff drink after whatever that was.” The whole team seemed to relax after this. At eight-thirty, the team arrived at the venue. The space was large and the lot was full for a Tuesday evening. Everyone had changed except Aaron, who had come straight from the office. He had ditched his jacket in the trunk of his car. His suggestion had been an attempt to take Rossi’s advice to lighten up. As soon as he entered the crowded space, he realized that he had miscalculated. Everyone on the floor, those seated at the benches and tables on the sidelines, and those getting drinks at the bar were dressed very casually. His slacks and loafers didn’t belong here. As a way to deflect from making him the odd man out, Aaron offered to get the first round of drinks. As he got the orders from the team, he moved to the bar, and some of the BAU members, Emily, JJ, and Morgan, found partners and moved to the wooden dance floor. With a slew of drinks in tow. Hotch moved back to his friends and colleagues. Rossi, Penelope, and Spencer took a few sips, as they watched the dancers move to the country music. Aaron knew that this was mostly a Southern culture thing, but he understood that dancing was a universal pleasure, even if he wasn’t particularly good at it. His mother had signed him up for cotillion classes in high school and he reluctantly went every week for a month. His mom had wanted him to grow up the perfect gentleman, and even though he maybe hadn’t picked up all the dance moves, he thought he succeeded pretty well at the rest of it. 

As the songs changed there seemed to be some excitement at the center of the floor. A couple was dancing with skill and the other dancers gave them room to improvise their steps and tricks. It was showing off for showing off’s sake. As Aaron looked over the pair on the floor he recognized the woman as _y/n_ from the play and the store. His eyes widened and Hotch looked at Penelope who was also watching _y/n_ with rapt wonder. Aaron turned his eyes back to the floor and the woman was pushed, pulled, dipped, and raised in a multitude of ways and speeds. As _y/n_ was raised in the air, supported by strong arms on her hips, a few cheers came from the crowd and fellow dancers. The woman even waved her hand in acknowledgment of the praise. Uplifted and in the spinning lights, she looked so happy, like she didn’t have a care in the world. Unlike her time on stage, she looked like she belonged up there, floating on air. Hotch felt himself flush all over and he looked away for a second. Rossi watched Aaron’s reaction with more than a little interest. After the song was over there was a small bit of applause at the skill put on display for the crowd. The talented man that had been dancing with _y/n_ kissed her on the cheek chastely. From what Aaron could see, the two were just friends or maybe dance partners, but not much more. Of course, he couldn’t hear what _y/n_ said to him, but as she turned toward Hotch’s group, there were no signs of arousal in her face or body, just unabated joy. Aaron hadn’t seen her this happy before, and he flushed again. Aaron internally told himself to ‘get a grip.' _y/n_ walked toward their table, not noticing them yet.

As she got closer Penelope called out for her saying, “Hey _y/n_, what a surprise to see you here!” The woman looked up and spotted Garcia and beamed. _y/n_ quickly moved over to the huddle of FBI agents and said, “Heya, Pen. What are you doing here?” _y/n_ looked over Rossi, Spencer, and then at Hotch. Her eyes grew a bit wider at seeing him and she said, “And you…” It took her a moment to remember Aaron’s name. When it came to her, she continued, “Aaron.” _y/n_ looked between Garcia and Hotch and asked, “Y’all know each other?” Penelope, ever the enthusiastic conversationalist said, “We all work together. This is my team.” Garica pointed to each of them saying their names. Spencer smiled at _y/n_ when his name was mentioned and Rossi shook her hand warmly. As Aaron’s name came up, _y/n_ gave a soft smile and she said, “It’s nice to see you again, Aaron.” He swallowed and said, “It’s nice to see you too.” And it was nice. To see her so radiant made him feel good. _y/n_, Garcia, and Rossi talked a bit about her dancing abilities and she seemed to shy away from her talent. Garcia couldn’t help herself and asked, “Did you ever take Richard here?” Hotch froze for a moment, unsure if Garcia was aware of the breakup. _y/n_’s soft snort made him feel better as she said, “Are you kidding me? He refused to come because I was better than him at dancing and other people wanted to interact with me. All four pairs of eyes were on her as _y/n_ shared some of her personal life with them. For a team of highly skilled profilers, having someone be so open was a bit strange. Penelope helped cut the feeling and said, “Of course he wouldn’t. The man really needs to get over his own ego. He complained about you and whined for a mouth at least during practice. He still talks about it. Honestly, he’s pathetic.” Garcia saying this had _y/n_ laughing and replied, “Tell me about it. I wished I’d seen it sooner, but c’est la vie I guess.” Penelope nodded along, and after a moment _y/n_ said, “Well I’m going to grab a drink at the bar, but I’ll swing by later if you’re still around. It was nice to see some of you again, and to meet you, Dr. Reid and Dave.” The team all said some form of “see you later,” as she moved away from them. As she passed Hotch, he gave her one of his rare smiles, or more like she had drawn the smile from him. Again Rossi noticed. 

Three songs later _y/n_ was back on the dance floor with a much less skilled dancer. The man had his hands all over _y/n_ after the first minute of music and _y/n_ was constantly moving his hands up, or stopping them from moving lower. She had said twice and to “cut it out” but the man was not listening to her. Hotch and Rossi watched as it happened. Both men felt uncomfortable with what was happening. After another minute, _y/n_ pulled back and away from the man, telling him off. Her face was set in a more sour look as she moved to the sidelines and away from her temporary partner. The man sought to follow her, but Hotch was out of his seat as he watched the situation unfold before him. Rossi breathed a sigh of relief as his friend did this because he was about to do the same and he felt that _y/n_ might be a bit more comfortable with Aaron than himself. Hotch cut the man off from moving any closer to _y/n_ and said with a clear, firm, and determined voice, “Out. Now.” The man didn’t argue and Aaron wasn’t sure if it was his fancy dress or the look on his face, but either way, the man left. Hotch followed him with a searing glare until he left the establishment. Once the guy was gone, he turned to _y/n_ she looked at him with half awe half admiration. He couldn’t pinpoint the second emotion, but it wasn’t negative and that’s what mattered to him. He took two steps closer, getting close to her. He leaned down a bit and asked, “_y/n_, are you alright?” When he looked at her this closely he could see a warmth in her _y/e/c_ eyes. She nodded and said, “I’ll be fine. Unfortunately, that kind of behavior can be par for the course here. Asking total strangers for a dance means not all of them are fantastic people.” Hotch nodded, saying, “Well it still doesn’t make it right.” _y/n_ felt her breath hitch a bit as he said this. He said it with sincerity like he really meant it. _y/n_ had seen plenty of guys try to defend her honor or other cliches like that just to go and disrespect her themselves. She didn’t sense that at all in the tall man standing in front of her. _y/n_ was also impressed with his commanding presence. It had only taken two words to make the man flee the scene. Two. Words. She wondered what else he could do with his voice alone. _y/n_ flushed and looked to the floor for a second. The fact didn’t pass Aaron by. After a second, _y/n_ looked up at him and said, “Can I pay you back for your help with a drink or a dance? I haven’t seen you out on the floor yet. I’d be happy to partner with you if you like?” Hotch shifted a little, suddenly a bit embarrassed. He didn’t feel like another drink. He normally stuck to one or two, and he’d already had a second beer. He wanted to dance with _y/n_ but his two left feet didn’t seem too convinced that he could cut it with someone as skilled as _y/n_. _y/n_ could see his hesitation and said, “I can lead if you like. We can do just real easy steps.” Aaron looked at her and saw that she wouldn’t be embarrassed with him. She genuinely wanted to be with him like that. Hotch flushed again, more lightly this time, and he said, “Alright, I’ll do my best to not trip over my own feet.” _y/n_ chuckled as they took his hand and led him to a quieter part of the floor. A bit away from the team, which Hotch was grateful for; though he was sure the team was probably watching him. He didn’t blame them, he’d watch too if he could. 

The dance went well. _y/n_ turned out to be a skilled instructor for him. He did try very hard to follow the steps and let _y/n_ improv off his lacking moves. At one point _y/n_ even let him do a little spin, which was very awkward given how much taller he was than her. He had to let go of her hand to make the 360-degree rotation. They had both laughed good-naturedly at how silly it was. When he was being treated like this, Aaron didn’t mind not having control. After another song, the music took a sudden change from country and swing to slow sensual music. _y/n_ let his hands go and took a step back. Aaron looked around, not sure why there had been such a dramatic change. People were slow dancing now and he looked to _y/n_ for clarity. _y/n_ gave him a gentle smile and said, “The last hour is always slow music so those who don’t like swing dancing or line dancing get a turn. I think it’s nice. Inclusive in a way. Aaron nodded and said, “Oh.” He stood still for a moment. He looked to the ground for an instant wondering how he was going to ask if she wanted to continue to dance. Because he did want to keep dancing with her. When he looked up, she was looking at him. _y/n_ was biting down lightly on the inside of her cheek. She couldn’t see that her pupils were blown wide with desire. Her fingers were tapping against her leg lightly. _y/n_ wanted Aaron’s hands back in hers. Or behind her back while her arms rested on his shoulders. She wanted to be inexplicably close to him at that moment. Hotch didn’t say anything, didn’t need to say anything as he bridged the gap between them. His hands found purchase on her hips and _y/n_’s hand moved up to his shoulders. His hands glided over his chest softly. Aaron closed his eyes, and they both moved on instinct. With what was comfortable for them. _y/n_ melted into his touch, and his large hands gently landed on her body. They were warm and held her firmly like he was afraid that she might slip away if he let go. _y/n_ would be happy to reassure him that she would likely follow him to the ends of the earth even though she had only met him three times before. Aaron’s cologne smelled of rye and spruce, but it wasn’t the overpowering stuff teens and insecure men used with a heavy hand. This was refined. Elevated. It took a lot of what she had in her to not rest her head on his chest and take a deep breath. After two more songs, Aaron looked down at her and she seemed so at peace with him holding her close. And for the first time in a very long time, he leaped before he looked, as he leaned down further. He was slow, giving _y/n_ time to stop him, but she didn’t. Instead, she tipped her head up to meet his lips. The kiss was soft, respectful of how new and potentially strange this was, but neither could deny that the feeling was blissful. Hotch didn’t even care that JJ, Garcia, and Emily all had their mouths open in pure shock at his actions. 

_y/n_ and Aaron’s relationship moved at a normal pace. As much as they had both been drawn to each other the night they had first kissed, both parties wanted to give the other space. To make sure things were comfortable and natural. _y/n_ wasn’t the type to commit to anything without fulling thinking and feeling it out. Aaron was the same for obvious reasons. But they had found a love and care between them, along with a passion that _y/n_ and Hotch had pretty much expected given the events the night at the dance hall. They both learned about each other, their jobs, and the intricacies of their lives. And after all that _y/n_ still wanted him, and Aaron was amazed at how nice it was to have someone steady to lean on. To care for while he wasn’t working. Someone had loved him back as intensely. As it turned out _y/n_ lectured _y/f/a(s)/s_ at _y/u_. And because of this, he was driving toward the university campus in _y/n_’s car with her in the passenger seat. They were chatting about his day in the office. Aaron was recounting some stories of Reid’s and _y/n_ listened with rapt attention. Hotch was being careful with his driving as it was near the college, which meant freshman with cars they hardly needed, and those partying a little too hard on Halloween night. They got onto campus proper and _y/n_ directed him to the parking lot. He had asked her if she wanted to take his car and she had reminded him that she had the faculty sticker on her windshield and he didn’t. She teased, “I don’t even think your FBI ID would persuade parking services. They are relentless in their mission.” Hotch had laughed at this and she warmed at hearing it. Aaron’s laugh sounded like a river running over smooth stones to her. It was gentle and mellow. Once they had parked, the pair moved to the _y/s’s/d’s/b_. The doors were still open given that some grad classes were still being held. 

Three weeks ago Aaron had asked her if she was doing anything on Halloween and if she wanted to spend the evening with him. As _y/n_ listened to his question, she sighed and said, “I’m holding an extra credit opportunity for my students. We’re watching The Exorcist and then discussing it, but being with you sounds so nice. You could sit with me while we watch it and then hang out at my place after? That is if you don’t have Jack of course. Let’s not terrorize him so early on.” Hotch let out a breathy laugh and said, “Jack’s going to be with Hailey at some school trunk or treat event and he’s staying at her place to sleep off the sugar high. You’d let me sit in with you? In front of your students?” _y/n_ let out a little breath. She hadn’t expected him to say yes. She replied quickly, happily, “Of course I would! I mean most of my students know I have a partner, they might as well see you. And you can tell off students trying to canoodle while Regan gets possessed as have my eyes tightly shut.” Hotch chuckled and said, “Well I’ll leave the disciplining up to you, but I’m happy to be moral support and to calm your fear.” So they made the plans now they were walking the mostly empty hallways and up to the third floor. _y/n_ beeped into the faculty work room to print out the sign-in sheet and a guide for the most scary parts of the film for those who were like her; a scardey cat. As she moved into the small space and logged in to the computer, Aaron leaned against the door frame, filling the space. As the copies printed, she looked up at him and said, “I wish you’d follow me around all the time when I work. You could be a ghost haunting me.” Aaron smiled and said, “If I followed you around you’d soon learn that I’d fail your class. And we can’t have that, now can we?” The copies finished and _y/n_ grabbed them saying, “I’ve seen your writing, Aaron you are more than competent.” Hotch moved out of the way and his hand found hers as they moved to the lecture hall. _y/n_ had reserved the space because she expected a good turnout, the screen was large, and the audio system was reliable. _y/n_ asked Hotch to prop open the door with a chair. While he did this, she moved to the technology at the front of the room to the left of the lectern. _y/n_ signed into her Amazon and pulled up the film, checking the audio levels and turning on the closed captions for those who might need them. Aaron moved to _y/n_ and offered to take her purse for her. She smiled and nodded and he moved to the back of the room. He sat down near the center of the row. He called out across the space, “This good?” _y/n_ nodded and said back in a clear voice that carried in the space, “Perfect sweetheart.” 

_y/n_ continued to stand at the front of the room and after another minute or so some students started to ramble in. _y/n_ instructed them to sign in on the sheet near the door. Many of the students had brought friends, roommates, boyfriends, or girlfriends along for moral support, or to laugh at the scary bits. _y/n_ had some casual conversations with some of the students and Aaron watched on with admiration. It was clear to him that _y/n_ had a connection with these young adults trying to figure life out for the first time. A few of the students noticed Aaron sitting at the back of the room, but none of them said anything to him or sat near him. It finally hit 7:30 p.m., and _y/n_ said, “Alright everyone, thanks for coming out. Let’s get going with the movie so you can all go out to the square or you’re older friends’s parties I’m not going to hear about on Thursday. Remember we’re paying attention so we can answer questions after.” Hearing this, the kids let out some laughs and chuckles. _y/n_ nearly forgot about the guides and said quickly, “Does anyone want a sheet with timestamps for the scares? Any other wimps out there like me?” There was silence and _y/n_ laughed at herself and said, “Alright guys, but don’t blame me when you have bad dreams tonight.” With that, _y/n_ started the film and moved to the door. She removed the chair and switched off the lights so the only light remaining was the two glowing exit signs on either side of the room. _y/n_ moved back to him and took a seat on his left side. It was dark and they were in the back, so she slipped her hand into his He gave it a gentle squeeze. True to her word, _y/n_ did close her eyes during some of the more difficult points of the movie. Now and then there would be some quiet chatter from the students. Some got up and opened the door to use the restroom. One student made it back to them to say they wanted to leave early to “go to their dorm.” _y/n_ smiled at the girl and said, “Okay, just make sure you’re signed in.” The teen nodded and said, “Thanks. See you Thursday.” At the end of the film, as Father Karras passes away, Hotch looks over _y/n_’s face. Her eyes were a bit misty. She had warned him that she got emotional at the end. She had looped him in because she didn’t want him to worry that she was so scared that she was crying, or crying for some other unknown reasons. As the credit started rolling, _y/n_ wiped her eyes and she moved to the front of the room.

She paused the movie and said, “Alright everyone, shield your eyes, the lights are coming back on.” Once the lights were on and everyone could see again, _y/n_ moved to the side of the lectern and leaned against it. She started by saying, “I’m going to make this quick because I’m sure there are places you want to be that aren’t here, and because I’m tired.” Hotch half knew that she wanted to be with him too, and it made him smile. _y/n_ asked, “So, what’s the tone of the film?” There was a brief silence, but then a young man said, “It’s camp.” That got a laugh from everyone and then opened the door for the class to bounce some ideas off each other. They spoke about theme and religion, and whether Regan or Chris acted as the final girl. They talked about Father Karra’s characterization and story arc. _y/n_ helped lead the conversation,  but let her students talk and express their views. She asked, “So we’ve read the novel and seen the film and talked about the religious symbolism and overtones. So tell me what in the film is transubstantiated?” At this, there was a lingering silence. One girl offered, “Regan’s vomit?” _y/n_ chuckled and said, “Close, anyone else?” Aaron couldn’t help himself, because he also wanted to know the answer, so he said, “Is it Regan herself?” His comment reverberated to the front and twenty-one pairs of eyes turned to him. Hotch felt called out, but _y/n_ pulled the the student’s attention back to her by saying, “Yes very good. Now I can’t claim anything about authorial intent, but in my opinion, Regan is transubstantiation a literal transformation of her body and blood.” 

_y/n_ quickly wrapped up the extra credit after that. A few minutes later Hotch and _y/n_ were back outside and headed to her car. They had stopped her her office for her to pick up a stack of papers that needed to be graded. Aaron smiled when he saw a picture of him and Jack pinned to the wall next to her degree. He leaned down and kissed her gently. As they pulled back, he said, “I love you, _y/n_.” _y/n_ hummed happily back at him. In the cold night, they moved across the campus grounds. It was dark and Aaron wrapped an arm around _y/n_’s waist, pulling her close to him. They passed by one of the emergency stations which looked to be broken. He looked down to _y/n_ and asked, “You keep a taser on you when you’re here at night, right?” _y/n_ looked up at him and said, “I carry pepper spray. I haven’t gotten a taser yet, but I will.” Hotch nodded as they walked into the parking garage. Aaron had done loads of research about the safety of the university once _y/n_ had told him where they worked. He had seen too many cases on college campuses to not be concerned for _y/n_’s safety. When they got back to the car, Aaron opened the door for _y/n_. She settled in and he moved to his seat. He turned on the heater and they cruised out onto the street. They talked a bit about the film, and Aaron asked why she cried at the end. What it meant to her. _y/n_ did her best to explain the real love and sacrifice Karras made to save Regan. How seeing Pazuzu restored his faith. _y/n_ made sure to clarify, “Even if a person doesn’t have faith, or that type of faith, I think pretty much anyone can see that he was finally at peace at the end.” Aaron nodded along, listening to her intently. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Hotch asked, “So, how did I do Prof? Was my answer to your question actually right?” _y/n_ chuckled and said “I think you were right. Regan’s transformation was literal and it was the answer I was hoping for.” She looked over Aaron, his face lit by the streetlamps and dashboard. He was so beautiful to her and she added, “I give you an A for effort.” Hotch smiled at her comments, saying, “I’m happy to help. And hey, an A. You’ll make a good student of me yet.” 

When they got to her place, they moved to the front door and _y/n_ pulled her keys from her purse and let them in. The bowl she had left out that had been filled with candy was now running low, and even though it was late, there weren’t going to be many more kids. _y/n_ moved to the counter and dumped more candy into the container. With that done, she locked the door behind her. Aaron and _y/n_ moved to her room and kicked off their shoes and socks. They changed into comfy clothes before crawling into bed. Three months into their relationship, they both kept a few pairs of clothes in the other’s space. In the bed, they were next to each other, the back of _y/n_’s head resting on his chest, her body positioned between his opened legs. Hotch’s hands moved over her chest and torso before moving lower slowly. He watched _y/n_ in the soft light of her lamps. Seeing her like this, seeing her care for her students, and for him made him nuzzle his face in her hair. It smelled of vanilla. As Aaron’s hand moved to a more intimate place, _y/n_’s intake of breath told him that she enjoyed what he was doing. She had told him many, many times that he was skilled in that area. The thought of her praise had him excited in his pants. Hotch asked in a low voice, full of desire, “Do you think I can get something more for my insightful comments than a hypothetic A?” _y/n_ squirmed a bit with pleasure before moving out between his legs. She moved to face him and kneeled in front of him. As her hand started moving over him and he let out a groan, she said, “For you Aaron, I’d do anything.”

______________________________________________________________

Taglist: @criminalskies @tgskitten @geminitapestry @sadgirlzluvdilfs

Want to join the taglist? See this post, CM Taglist (linked)

#criminal minds #fanfiction #ssa aaron hotchner #reader insert #aaron hotcher #cm #aaron x reader #aaron hotch x reader #hotch x reader #aaron x y/n #y/n x hotch #hotch meet cute #fluff #emily prentiss #spencer reid #derek morgan #penelope garcia #Garcia does improv #halloween #it's halloween #hotch blurb #hotch drabble #dark acadamia aesthetic

[wrestler-smash-or-pass]

Weekly Wrap Up - 12/3/23

Top five smashable wrestlers this week:

Julia Hart (Spooky Variant) - 81.9% smash, 277 total votes

Orange Cassidy - 77.1% smash, 354 total votes

Anthony Bowens - 74.8% smash, 214 total votes

Shota Umino - 73.4% smash, 203 total votes

Danhausen - 68.8% smash, 324 total votes

More stats under the cut, along with my observations, commentary, and some of my favorite tags...

Bottom five smashable wrestlers this week:

Vince McMahon - 3.9% smash, 334 total votes

Kyle O'Reilly - 37.2% smash, 231 total votes

Andy Kaufman - 38.2% smash, 251 total votes

Kane - 41.0% smash, 188 total votes

Andre the Giant - 47.6% smash, 307 total votes

Most total votes this week (most enthusiasm)

Orange Cassidy - 354 votes

Chuck Taylor - 334 votes

Vince McMahon - 334 votes

Danhausen - 324 votes

Damien Priest - 318 votes

And least total votes this week (least enthusiasm)

Kane - 188 votes

Julia Hart (Cheerleader Variant) - 203 votes

Shota Umino - 203 votes

Anthony Bowens - 214 votes

Kyle O'Reilly - 231 votes

The closest match was Julia Hart (Cheerleader Variant), which was decided by a single votes

Top Five Overall

Kris Statlander - 91% smash

Rhea Ripley - 84.2% smash

Eddie Kingston - 82.8% smash

Julia Hart (Spooky Variant) - 81.9% smash

Orange Cassidy - 77.1% smash

Bottom Five Overall

Vince McMahon - 3.9% smash

The Boogeyman - 22.6% smash

Brock Lesnar - 23.2% smash

Doink the Clown - 28.3% smash

Gunther - 29.6% smash

Top Women Overall

Kris Statlander - 91% smash

Rhea Ripley - 84.2% smash

Julia Hart (Spooky Variant) - 81.9% smash

Penelope Ford - 72.9% smash

Aubrey Edwards - 66.1% smash

Top Men Overall

Eddie Kingston - 82.8% smash

Orange Cassidy - 77.1% smash

Anthony Bowens - 74.8% smash

Shota Umino - 73.4% smash

Samoa Joe - 72.1% smash

Thirteen of you are actual sickos who voted smash for Vince McMahon. I NEED to know what is going on inside of your heads. Unless, idk, you thought "smash" implied violence.

Great showing from the Best Friends this week. OC, Danhausen, Trent, and Chuck (and Trent and Chuck together!) join their friend Kris Stat as certified smashes. Though, somehow a threesome with Best Friends the tag team rated higher (66.7%) than Chuck or Trent separately (66.2% and 61.3%, respectively).

You guys definitely prefer House of Black Julia Hart over Varsity Blonds Julia, and who could blame you! She is a powerful combination of scary and beautiful.

I was out at a bar with my husband when the request for Andy Kaufman came in, and I said to him, "Someone just submitted Andy Kaufman??? He didn't wrestle." And my husband replied, "Yeah he did. He called himself the intergender world champion and offered $1000 and his hand in marriage to any woman who could defeat him." So that was a neat history lesson and definitely shed some light on the line "Andy Kaufman in a wrestling match" in the REM song "Man on the Moon," which I'd previously assumed was some kind of weird Michael Stipe metaphor.

I have seen some complaints about the images I've used for some of these wrestlers, and I don't disagree! Anyone who requests a wrestler is encouraged to add a photo to their ask! And since you can't include photos in anonymous asks, if you don't want your username associated with the poll, mention that in your ask and I'll create a separate post for the poll instead of replying to your ask. I did also find a source for photos that isn't just a Google image search, so image thirstiness will improve soon.

And now for some of my favorite tags and comments

@howlinghunters on Best Friends: #These two have always given me#'Someone will die.' 'OF FUN!' vibes

@are-we-really-doing-this on Danhausen: #I’d suck the tattoos off his body

@jennegatron on Chuck Taylor: #I would let chuck awful waffle me (please tell me wtf this means it sounds terrifying)

@jennegatron again on Trent Beretta: #his brain is so smooth#but he's simply so hot

@rosabellebelieve on Orange Cassidy: #make him into pulp

@wrassle-castle on Vince McMahon: #if i fuck him can i also kill him?#cause i'd take that L#for the greater good

@tahiri-veyla on Kane: #the only appropriate smash for this is with a semi

@dm-me-your-weltanschauung on Vince McMahon:

#weekly wrap up

[rainyfestivalsweets]

2/4/24

The MLM hack list

Alright. So there are a bunch of MLM diet companies that make a shitload of money of of us and yet our obesity rates in developed countries are thru the freaking roof.

How many times have you gotten the messages on Facebook, Instagram or whatever and it's like: Hey girl, haven't seen you since high school, let's get coffee... OR... they just post the precopied message & ask about your goals, & proceed to add a flurry of hyperpositive social media messages, like my friend recently did to me.

Did anyone in high school like you? Not me! Do that screams danger from the start. I was horrendously bullied in elementary school. I was gone to a parochial school for a couple years so the only reason that I avoided constant bullying in high school was because... they forgot who I was.

Here are some ideas I stole from various companies, cheaper:

Herbalife: this company's stuff works, for 2 reasons- you replace 2 out of 3 meals with shakes. However, alot of people are not successful if they make their shakes at home and if they add in all the snack bars. People do, however, lose weight if they get their shakes from a "nutrition" shop. Why? Because they blend those shakes super thick with a metric shitton of ice & I think alot of them add sf pudding, which enhances the thickness. Also, you get an iced tea, normally with added fiber. So the answer is- you have 2 drinks that take a long time to finish AND give you added caffeine & fiber. So? Just do it at home: keep your shake calories low, make it extra large & thicker than a snicker, & follow with a caffeinated tea & add fiber to it. I like the herbalife brand but I order it off Amazon so I don't have to get the whole shpeel. Now brand has "prebiotic fiber" that is cheaper. There is also benefiber from Walmart. It is cheap, so why not?

Beachbody: you don't need to spend a billion dollars on protein shakes or meal replacement shakes. I do, however, love some of their workout systems.

Tai Slim: this company's great idea was the chocolate gluccomannon chews, I just didn't know ot at the time. I have tried to order it but have been unable to so maybe they don't make it any more. So my hack would be- the chocolate calcium chews, some gluccomannon tablets, & a large glass of water.

Modere: this company was all over tik tok & reels for awhile, while the reps were trying to schlep people into this scheme. The Golden Child was the liquid CLA chocolate, probably because it tastes like a chocolatey treat while it is actually a CLA supplement. CLA can be purchased at almost any health food store, way cheaper.

Plexus: the pink drink. More research needed on this, but I think it is just a fiber drink. Hack: gluccomannon powder & a Starburst all pink flavor packet.

Most of these companies often sell an associated "fat burner:" often something with caffeine, ecgc from green tea, etc. You can get something similar at a health food store for a fraction of the price. If you want something fancy, there is Ember from the Ambrosia Collective. Use the Google. MFINGCOO is a discount code that I think still works, but it isn't mine.

The other way these companies are successful is because they have a built in "tribe." Weight watchers, beachbody, herbalife-- they rope you into a bunch of meetings, calls, and online groups. A bunch of people are sharing ideas regularly and getting involved in their cultish antics. You can do this on your own by finding your own people. You can get your own seminars by watching a lot of youtube. Anything that focuses on reprogramming you to cook at home and eat primarily whole foods will probably work. Join free groups. Disregard anything outside of what works for you ( I have to ignore a lot of dessert recipes because they cause bingeing for me).

Lipozene: pretty sure this is just gluccomannon. You can find gluccomannon tablets way cheaper at a health food store. Walmart also was carrying a generic version.

Hydroxycut: pretty sure the active ingredient here is HCA? I don't have a bottle currently to look. But isn't HCA just garcinia? So much cheaper at a health food store. I personally cannot take hydroxycut, it makes me RAGE. I like, get upset and freak out at work, so I don't even think I am willing to try it again.

It works: I think the skinny coffee would be comparable to the "slim coffee," which was cheaper but seemed to be chromium. You can just pick up a chromium supplement... & seriously, you can just drink coffee. Don't add calories to it.

Apple cider vinegar gummies: Just take shots of apple cider vinegar. You can buy a gallon at walmart, it will last a long time. Play with shot recipes, you can do good girl moonshine (ala Trim Healthy Mamma), & use it liberally for dressing recipes.

L-Glutamine: don't remember the company, but this is available at more health food stores, not for $100 a container.

Maybe I have bought so much shit so you don't have it. Is there an MLM company I missed? 🤔 let me know and I will check it out for future posts.

Remember- whatever you do, stay safe. Research your shit. Focus on your daily habits and remember that what you are eating outweighs almost any supplement you could buy. Eat whole food, walk, have an exercise routine & stop expecting a 30 day result for a body that took you 40 years (or whatever) to create.

I definitely don't think the ozempic trend is worth the cost, but if there is no other way for you & you have the money, it is worth a shot. Just don't expect your insurance to pay for it. Many insurance companies are currently not covering it, and I don't really know if they should consider it.

Surgery? If there is no other way and you want to, go for it.

The way that these things work though, is by changing what you are eating. Period. These are all systems to change what you ingest and you can change what you eat for free.

I am still on Nomorbidity & Alkemi from the Ambrosia Collective. I have not found suitable replacements for them but I am also not looking hard, they have a reasonable price point to me.

#anti mlm #mlm #multi level marketing #multi level marketing groups #mlm scams #scammers #save money #diet product #diet supplement #health company reviews #healthy lifestyle #getting healthy #losing weight #healthy eating #fitblr #healthy habits #operation lose this gut #weight loss #operationlosethisgut #weight loss journey #weight loss plan #eating for weight loss #weight control #supplement #supplements #diet help #diet plan #dieting #dietista #becoming that girl

[trkstrnd]

Neurodivergent 126 anon here. I'd love to hear your thoughts on tarlos and Mateo!

hi anon i cannot believe i didn’t see this sooner but i would love to give you in depth examples of my opinions!!!

disclaimer: i am not a medical or psychiatric professional. do not use my posts or statements as means of diagnosis or medical advice. i am simply a person who struggles with mental illness/neurodivergence and am headcanoning characters that make me happy/that i relate to!!

that being said!! yes!!

mateo:

i firmly believe that mateo is autistic just based off of his social awareness. i know he’s canonically dyslexic, which, according to a quick google search, is strongly associated with autism. also, canonically, he’s an outcast, people look down on him, think he’s stupid, or slow, when really, he looks at things incredibly literally. i think we really see this in 1.07, with his struggles with his exam, finding a safe person inside a safe space and heavily relying on that routine of answering questions with marjan, then being thrown into a completely different situation that he was expecting just to panic. plus, when he got in there, the captain asked him if he needed anything to drink and mateo answered honestly, which got the sentiment of, “it’s sarcasm, einstein.” which is such mateo wasn’t even wrong to assume. in situations like this, before, he’s had people who cared, and he is trying his hardest to relate back to the past experiences he’s had, since most of the time he’s flying blind socially.

plus, mateo is really bad with the non-verbal communication as well. the main time i think about this is the last scene with the 126 in 3.18. when the boys were going to announce that they were engaged, but everyone figured it out before hand, EXCEPT MATEO, because to him, there’s nothing different. it’s just a 126 hang where people want to talk beforehand. he constantly has to be clued in.

plus, he was raised a loner, easily influenced by the actions of others. he feels incredibly strongly but doesn’t know how to express it and reach out. all of this was with marvin. messy room, bad actions, not being able to handle grief, being a “problem child.” they’re all autistic traits.

mateo, to me, is almost textbook autistic, but lmk what y’all think!!

tk:

truthfully, i haven’t done as much research on adhd as i have with asd, but from what i’ve read, it fits for tk very well. i honestly think part of it is why he gets along with carlos so much. tk is very all over the place, except for when he’s working or passionate about something. he’s able to fixate on one thing, and let all the others go for those moments (work, foosball, lou). he also tends to let things in his personal life show much more. he wears his heart on his sleeve. when he was upset owen was depressed, his mom’s passing, his sobriety being tested, issues with carlos, all manifest in places that there should be complete focus, but he has trouble focusing his attention on something unless it is the most important thing to him in that moment, which it often isn’t.

also, he’s impulsive!! i mean, who takes home a lizard from a guys leg?? he often does what he thinks is right no matter the circumstance, like in 2.08 when he goes for the alarm, 1.03 when he follows marjan into the corn despite judd’s orders, the bar fight in the same ep, 2.01 going after the person with the crossbow almost alone until judd offered backup, stealing a firetruck to find his dad, walking out on carlos, pushing carlos when he had nowhere else to place his anger at the situation, breaking up with carlos, you get my point. he struggles with emotional regulation and it manifests in impulsive behavior.

plus, he sucks at sleeping. ex: 3.13, 3.18.

okokokok

carlos:

boy oh boy have i saved the best for last because there’s a REASON i kin him ok.

all rise for the president of autistic carlos nation: me.

carlos is closer to what common folk would call ‘mildly’ autistic (which is not a term i indorse. everyone has different needs and they do not dictate the severity of a disability!!!) he has lower support needs, and because of this, when he was younger and he voiced them to his family, he was met with the cold shoulder.

look i will be a gabriel reyes defender until the day i die and i will never forgive tim for what he did to my favorite dad ever but this is not to say he didn’t have faults because he did!!! and they have a lot to do with how carlos’s autism presents itself.

many people with lower support needs go undiagnosed for years, and because of this they fall into this pit of isolation from their friends and family, and sometimes, themselves. carlos was constantly being reprimanded for being too soft (likely intense, overwhelming feelings, when he was younger. meltdowns.) he didn’t get the support from his family that he needed, so he isolated even more, leading him to believe there was something wrong with him. he couldn’t get along with his sisters because of the age gap, his dad constantly cared for him but in a way that made carlos second guess every decision he made, from coming out to joining apd.

again, he stayed pretty much a loner through childhood. in school, he said all he had was iris, and his shame and mask forced him to make the decision he did when they graduated. he married her because he needed to keep himself from being the burden he perceived himself as for /having needs/.

autistic people tend to take things literally, jump to conclusions. he never asked his parents how they felt after he came out. he just assumed they hated him and tried to soothe that by marrying iris and disregarding himself once again.

it’s why every time he expresses a need, it’s in the form of an argument, or when someone else is upset with him, he brushes it off because his feelings don’t matter because they never have. he masks so much that he almost broke up with tk because he kept brushing off his frustration (2.04), and he held his tongue for so long that he exploded and sounded like an anshole (3.13). he didn’t even tell tk he didn’t want kids until the issue was forced, and i want to highlight how good tk is for him because carlos didn’t run away from the discussion and let tk have whatever he wanted, he recognized the conversation as the collaboration it was!

he has an intense need for routine, he stims all the time (hand rubbing), he tends to have explosive bouts of emotion from masking so long, and he only truly opens up to tk. tk takes care of all of the social stuff, too! carlos’s entire friend group is tk’s friends. tk talks during catan, socializes, while carlos takes on the big, rehearsed speeches.

getting to see him open up with the right person over the last four years has been an absolute delight, and i cannot wait for more.

anyways that’s all for now! if you have any questions about these or others feel free to ask, and if you’re curious about my other neurodivergent 126 hcs, you can check them out here!!

i will forever believe in autistic carlos thank u

#911 lone star #trick talks lone star #carlos reyes #tk strand #mateo chavez #911ls #trick answers asks #trick answers #trick.txt #trick loves their anons #anon #ask #answer #asks #answers #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #126 firefam #126 #adhd #autism #dyslexa

[e-dubbc11]

The Rabbit Hole

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.

Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader

Warnings: Swearing, little bit of violence, alludes to sex, mention of service member being out of shape (I’m not shaming anyone, I just think service members should be held to a higher standard, physically. They are supposed to be our best. Please don’t come for me.)

Word Count: 3k-ish

Summary: Billy had a hard day at work and all he wanted was to have dinner and drinks with you.

A/N: I wrote this very quickly, I probably spent more time on the header than I did writing it so I apologize if it sucks. The Rabbit Hole Tavern is a little place about 30 mins away from me in the lovely town of Old Saybrook, it’s not in NYC. My father and I have been there a few times for really good burgers and beer. It’s a little hole in the wall but it’s delicious and their homemade aioli is to die for. I’ll include a pic at the end of this which isn’t mine either, it’s on their website.

As always, thank you for reading!  I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕💕

“I got you, handsome. I know the perfect spot.” You said to Billy while you were on the phone with him.

He called earlier in the day to tell you he was having a rough one, that he desperately needed a burger and a beer and you were more than happy to oblige.

Billy came straight from work to pick you up at your apartment as he always worked later than you did, so it was just easier for him to pick you up or to meet up somewhere. Most times he picked you up though, Billy didn’t like the idea of you walking by yourself and he was VERY protective of you.

He had on his dark gray suit with a black tie, looking insanely handsome as always. You’d never know he had a bad day by the smile he gave you. Billy’s smile had the power to stop you dead in your tracks, it gave you butterflies every time and it didn’t matter how many times he did it either, it felt like the first time.

He looked forward to seeing you, he felt like it was the only way for him to get over a bad day at work, lately. Billy loved how excited you always were to see him, throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss was just the best part of his day.

When you hugged him, he always nestled his face into the crook of your neck and ran his fingers through your hair. He inhaled the scent of your perfume, stared down at you like you were the only woman in the world, and to him you were—you were his whole world.

You held his gaze for a minute. “What is it, Billy? Are you ok?”

His trance was broken. “Oh…yeah sweet girl. I’m just happy to see you.”

He kissed your forehead then tilted your chin up to have your lips meet his.

“Are you hungry?” You asked him, biting back your enthusiasm.

He brushed a stray hair away from your face. “Starving.” He replied and kissed the tip of your nose.

The Rabbit Hole wasn’t exactly the best looking bar around but their burgers were excellent, their homemade aioli was the perfect addition to any burger and you knew Billy would love it. Taking seats at a high top table, he ordered a beer for you and one for himself. Normally, Billy’s drink of choice is bourbon but tonight he decided that beer would go well with dinner while he gave you the rundown of his day.

He was happy just to be out with you and he always tried his hardest to not bring his work home with him whether it’s paperwork associated with recruitment or a job that was a little more than he bargained for. Some days were harder than others, but you never pushed him to talk about it. Billy would talk if he felt like it, that’s just the way it was.

He’d always ask how your day was, he listened intently and by the time you were done, it made him forget all about his bad day. He loved your work stories, not necessarily because he always understood the inside jokes, but because of the way you told them. It was never an easy feat to accomplish but you made Billy laugh.

The slight wrinkles near his ink like eyes were a little more prominent since you started dating, however they were a welcome sight, you had made it your daily mission to make him laugh, and most days you succeeded.

“…so then we were walking up the stairs from the basement and she turned to me and said ‘hey can’t you see Blair just sitting in a foxhole, eating mashed potatoes?’ And baby, I lost my shit! I had to stop on the stairs and grab the railing otherwise, I was going to fall over because I was laughing so hard.”

Billy almost spit his beer out. “How can he be that out of shape and allowed to be in the reserves? Where have the standards gone?!” He asked.

“I dunno, we were wondering the same thing!” You told him. “Anyway, how was your day, my love?”

He proceeded to tell you about his day, never giving too many details although he was more forthcoming now than he had been when the two of you first got together.

At the beginning of your relationship you’d ask how his day was, he’d give very short or one word answers and then ask about you, which you loved how interested he was in your daily life but all you wanted was for him to open up a little more and not keep so much inside and he was getting better at it.

Billy worked hard, sometimes a little too hard but only because he loved his company. He was proud of what he’d accomplished so far, he put a lot of time and energy into making Anvil everything he dreamed it could be.

Although sometimes it had led to arguments, you telling him that he needed a break, that he can’t do everything himself, maybe he should take a few days off, and he’d always say the same thing. He’d tell you he couldn’t because there was a big job coming up and that he was fine. And every time he’d tell you that he was fine, you told him “Just take care of yourself, Billy. Please?”

Billy hated fighting with you, he felt terrible every time it happened because he knew you were right and you didn’t deserve how curt he was being towards you. He’d come to your apartment late at night after finishing up with work, Billy had a key to let himself in. He just had to see you and he couldn’t wait until the next day.

He’d crawl into your bed, sometimes looking for forgiveness and affection and other times he wanted to be forgiven and just hold you close. His beard tickled the back of your neck while he kissed your warm, supple skin and you would fall back to sleep in his arms until morning.

The two of you had come a long way in your relationship, he took more breaks, more days off and left work at a reasonable hour. Billy still had long days every now and again but not nearly as many which led to less arguing and made you both a lot happier.

As you sat there listening to Billy’s stories from his day, you couldn’t help but notice a man sitting at the corner of the bar, over Billy’s left shoulder, with his eyes on you. And you didn’t dare tell Billy, he was already a little uneasy from all the stuff he was dealing with at work, telling him would just send him over the edge because of how protective he was of you. For the moment, the man just continued to stare.

Billy let out a sound when he bit into his burger that you could only describe as orgasmic. “Baby girl, THIS is delicious! How did you find out about this place anyway?”

He looked so happy, like the stress of the day was finally washing off of him and he was your Billy again, it was hard not to smile.

“My dad and I have come here before shows, he asked me if I wanted to have the best burger in town and he brought me here, to this little hole in the wall.”

“Well I am going to give your father a big kiss on the cheek the next time I see him because this is the best burger I’ve ever tasted.” He said as he took a sip of his beer.

You continued to ignore the man in the corner and concentrate solely on Billy, making him laugh, helping him wipe his chin when he got aioli all over it and ordering two more beers when the server came over to clear your dishes away.

The man in the corner was downing one beer right after the other and you lost count of how many he had just in the time you and Billy were having dinner. He had been there when you arrived at the bar.

Billy had moments where he let his jealousy and possessiveness show. There was one instance you had decided to visit him at the office, it was your first time being inside Anvil and you needed help finding his office so you stopped to ask. The guy pointed and said “Oh Mr. Russo is actually right over there.” You thanked him and made your way over to Billy who apparently watched the guy check out your ass the entire time as you walked over to him. The guy was fired on the spot.

“Was that really necessary, Billy?” You asked sharply.

His next words sounded like a hiss from a dying fire. “I made an example out of him. I don’t want any of my employees thinking they can look at you the way he did and get away with it. I’m the only one who gets to check out your ass.”

It was things like that, sometimes servers at restaurants would hold their gaze on you a little too long and he called them out on it, bartenders, or strangers in the park.

Billy’s verbal warnings were enough to deter anyone from staring at you a little too fondly. But what would he do if someone actually put their hands on you?

Billy got up to make his way to the men’s room which was all the way down at the end of a long, skinny hallway, leaving you by yourself at the table and giving the man at the bar the perfect opportunity to make his move.

As soon as he saw Billy stand up, the man started to slide off his barstool and walk over towards you, stumbling a little as he did so. You could tell he was quite drunk when he started to talk.

“Welllllll heeeeey there, p-pretty g-girl. Cannnnn I—I b-buy you a drink?” He was slurring his words badly.

You were trying to be as nice as possible, the last thing you wanted to do was upset him. “Oh no but thank you, I just got a fresh one.”

He was persistent. “Come onnnnnn! Just one drink.”

Maybe a scare tactic would work? “My boyfriend just went to the men’s room, he’ll be back in a minute.”

That’s when the man grabbed your wrist and nearly pulled you off of your chair. “O-oh, you mean that p-pretty b-boy you’re with?!” The man said as he gnashed his teeth together and the smell of beer lingered in the air from his breath. Billy hated to be called “pretty,” he loathed it actually and you were grateful he wasn’t around to hear the man say that.

This guy was strong, he had a very tight grip on you. “Take your hands off of me, please.”

He was getting louder and more forceful. “Look, I’m t-tryin’ to be nice and b-buy you a drink, j-just one drink and I’ll leave y-you alone.”

His grip was so tight, it felt like your wrist was in a vice, he was hurting you—a lot. “Please let go of my wrist, you’re hurting me.”

You hadn’t noticed Billy come up behind you and before you could blink, the man’s head hit the table hard, he started to bleed immediately, the beer bottles fell from the table, and pieces of glass skirted across the bar floor.

After knocking the man’s head into the table, Billy picked him up and pinned him up against the brick wall with one of his arms flush against his lower back and his other arm outstretched in back of him. If Billy pulled back hard enough, he would break the man’s arm.

Billy’s eyes looked even darker than usual, like two small pieces of obsidian glaring at the man that dared to put his hands on you. “You think you can just put your hands on women whenever you feel like it, you piece of shit.” He said angrily. Although he wasn’t yelling, you knew he was absolutely furious. “Apologize to her or I’m gonna break your arm and make sure it will never be the same after tonight.”

“Billy!! He’s not worth it. I’m alright!” You insisted.

You watched as Billy pulled back slightly on the man’s arm causing him to cry out in pain. “APOLOGIZE NOW!!” He was yelling now as everyone watched on wondering if Billy was going to hurt the man more than he already had.

The man apologized profusely, over and over again he kept saying he was sorry until Billy finally let him go. The man crumpled to the ground like a puppet with the strings cut and the bar staff escorted him out.

Billy rushed to your side while you rubbed and shook your wrist to try and get your circulation back. “Are you alright, y/n? Let me see…” He gingerly took your wrist and looked it over. “You’re gonna have a bruise there. You sure you’re alright, baby?” You nodded and he kissed you on the forehead. “Let’s get the fuck outta here before I change my mind and finish what I started with his arm.” You weren’t sure you had ever seen Billy this angry before and you knew you had to get out of there before he made good on his threat.

You paid the check, Billy helped you with your coat and took your hand in his to lead you out of the bar. His car was parked a few blocks away and as you walked in silence, you felt the need to break that silence.

“Billy…can you stop and talk to me, please?” You pleaded with him.

But your words were met with more silence as you walked on towards the car. So you just stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and pulled his hand towards you.

“Billy stop!” You weren’t angry or scared, you just wanted to make sure he was ok.

His lips were pressed together in a straight line while he looked down at you, his breathing was shallow and labored and you knew he was still angry. “I’m not gonna let anyone put their hands on you, no one is going to hurt you while I’m around.”

But there was something else in his eyes that made your expression soften and your body less tense, he looked…scared, like if anyone were to hurt you, his world would come crashing down around him. You knew then and maybe you’ve always known that he loves you more than anything.

You thought back to when Billy finally decided to tell you about his childhood, how awful it must have been, as a small child to not have anyone around to protect you when you were the most vulnerable. Is that why he never let you get too far away from him? He felt the need to protect the most precious thing he has in his life at all costs because no one did that for him. It was something he could control and you understood why he reacted the way he did.

There was a dull ache in your chest as you slowly moved in closer towards him, almost as if to not scare him. Even though he was looking right at you, his pupils were wide and unfocused. You gently snaked your arms around his neck and tenderly raked your fingernails against his scalp. “I love how you always want to protect me, Billy. I feel safe with you. But that was…a little excessive. You could have really hurt him.”

“HE was hurting YOU.” He stated firmly.

“I know but you can’t save me from every drunk asshole out there, my love.”

The corners of his mouth turned up, you pulled a smile out of him and he seemed calm. “I can try, sweet girl. And look, I know this is going to sound really corny but the reason I try so hard to protect you is because I love you so much and…my heart doesn’t belong to me anymore, it belongs to you.”

Those words had your heart soaring, no one has ever made you feel this wanted, so desired, so beautiful, so…loved. Billy did though.

“I can’t believe I just said that out loud because it sounds so lame but it’s true, it’s all true.”

That made you laugh a little as you pulled him in for a kiss. “I love you too, Billy.” There was something in the way that Billy defended you that turned you on and a feeling came over your body like a rush of adrenaline and the kiss deepened, became more primal as your lips parted and your tongue tangled with Billy’s before he pulled away slightly to flash that smile at you.

He then looked at you slightly confused. “Wait…did watching me throw that guy against the wall, turn you on?!” He said slyly.

You were caught. “I only said it was a LITTLE excessive. I never said it wasn’t one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen, Billy. So why don’t you take me home, handsome. There are plenty of walls there that you can pin me against.”

Something in Billy snapped, he pressed against you with your back touching the car door to kiss you fiercely, the bulge straining against his suit pants thrusting you into the side of the car. His fingers reached under your shirt until he was lightly touching the skin on your stomach and he found the button of your jeans. “I can’t wait until we get home, I need you now, love.”

“Billy Russo, we are in the middle of the street!!”

His tongue darted out to lick his lips as he pulled back to wink and smile at you. Oh that smile, it would be your undoing. “That’s why I have tinted windows. Get in the car, baby.”

Tag List: @mindidjarin @saintmurd0ck @wheresthesunshinesblog

If you’d like to be added to (or removed from) my tag list for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo fanfic #ben barnes #billy russo x you

[nokingsonlyfooles]

WTYP: The Shandor Building, Part 11

[Do you like the colour of the fanfic? This is long and if you expand it you're gonna get the whole thing, because Tumblr hates you. Don't say I didn't warn you!]

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10

Part 11: Shake Hands with Gozer

[Beware of strong language, mention of all kinds of death, gore, and Lovecraftian horror.]

[SLIDE: Shandor Studios, with the All Hail Gozer logo.]

[faint sound of a car alarm]

L: Oh, heck, it’s Gandalf…

[chirp-chirp]

[car alarm ceases]

A [dismissive]: You know, this is really not doing it for me anymore. The whole deal. Not even with a camera. No. Fuck it. Your personality is a real turn-off.

R: These chairs are still really comfy, though.

[rumbling, squeaking]

G: [muffled, into phone]: UH-HUH… UH-HUH… IN MY DEFENSE, THEY INSULTED MY DOGS AND SUGGESTED I ASSOCIATE WITH ELON MUSK, ABI… YES, ADMITTEDLY, BUT THERE’S NO NEED TO BE RUDE… MM-HM. WHAT’S IT CALLED? “CLIMATE CHANGE”? [with sudden excitement] OH! “GLOBAL WARMING!” YES! HOW LONG? OH, THAT’S NOT LONG AT ALL! NO, NO, I REALLY APPRECIATE THE IRONY. DIY APOCALYPSE! OH, YES, WE MUST GIVE THEM A CHANCE, MUSTN’T WE? HA-HA-HA. BUT, UH, DO YOU THINK THERE MIGHT BE… A LAKE OF FIRE? EVEN A SMALL ONE? [laughter] WOW! THAT SOUNDS AMAZING!

L: I don’t like where this is going…

A: Rocz, where the hell are my cigarettes?

R: I fed them to a dog.

A: What?

G: SO ABOUT SEVEN BILLION YEARS ON THE OUTSIDE? WELL, I GET BORED, ABI. YOU KNOW I GET BORED. WILL YOU KEEP PODCASTING AND KILLING THE SMARMY MORTAL “JAMES BOND”? HA! ALL RIGHT, I SUPPOSE I WILL MANAGE…

D: Did… Did Abi just say we’re going to keep doing KJB for the next seven billion years…?

L: Sounds like the fate of the world kinda depends on it…

A: Where is my fucking Slimfast bar?

R: Ibid.

V: Will you have a slice of meat bouquet, Lord Alice?

A: [screams]

R: You two gotta stop doin’ that.

Z: Lord Alice is mortal, Vinz Clortho. You are supposed to feed the mortals frozen peas. It is good for them. The demon David Tennant says so.

L: I think you’re a little mixed up about that…

R: Your dimension gets Amazon Prime?

Z: All hell dimensions have Amazon Prime. Where else are we supposed to get our blood plasma?

V: But we have no frozen peas to give, and we must depart our mortal hosts soon!

Z: You may rub our tummies, if you wish. It is good for your mortal brain meat.

L: Aww!

Z: Not you, Vengeful Mortal of Insults!

L: Well, this has been a total fucking waste of time!

A: Get away from me, you smell like Marlboros and despair.

V: It is the Slimfast bar…

Z: You want some of this, Frodo?

D [coldly]: No thank you, Sigourney.

R [warmly]: Good Terror Dogs… Good, good puppies…

G: HA-HA, RIGHT! THESE THINGS HAPPEN! WELL, I’LL SEE YOU AT THE CLUB TONIGHT. CIAO, BESTIE!

L: “Bestie”?

A: [sigh] It’s Mesopotamian rock-paper-scissors, don’t worry about it.

D: To think, all this time, all we had to do was summon Abigail Thorn…

G: VINZ CLORTHO! ZUUL! STOP BOTHERING LORD ABIGAIL’S FRIENDS!

V: Farewell, doughnut-giver!

Z: Never buy copper from Ea-nāṣir!

[electricity, crackling]

MILKSHAKE (M)]: آیا من یک سگ بودم؟ [TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: Okay, it’s in Persian, but Google Fonts doesn’t do cuneiform.]

R: Oh, hey, it’s my cats!

PIZZA BOY (P): پدر!

R: Nah, don’t eat that meat bouquet, I have no idea who or what that is…

M: این انصاف نیست.

R: Say, Gozer, is this here permanent?

G: ALL CATS CAN SPEAK WHATEVER LANGUAGE THEY WANT, WHENEVER THEY WANT.

P: Das ist ein süßes Kopftuch.

A: Um… Danke?

M: Никогда больше не трогай мой животик.

A: [snickers]

G: SO! [claps hands] SORRY FOR THIS LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING. HOW CAN I MAKE IT UP TO YOU?

[brief pause]

G: WHAT?

[crosstalk, complaining, “We are covered in horse viscera!” “Clean this shit off!” etc.]

G: RIGHT. SORRY.

L: And I want to keep my new van!

G: YOUR VAN BELONGS TO ISHTAR, BUT I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO FINISH YOUR PODCAST, MORTALS?

A: Oh, yes! Of fucking course we would!

[Rapid scrolling through 10 slides or so before landing on an image of Ivo Shandor.]

A: And in conclusion… Ivo Shandor can eat shit, I’m glad he got ripped in half, art deco architecture is hideous, I disavow everything Sumerian — except Liam’s van and possibly Abi — and billionaires contribute nothing of value to society! [panting] Does anyone have anything else?

L: Pronoun checks will save your fucking life! If any of you out there ever give us shit for the pronoun check ever again, I got a [bleep] with your name on it!

G: SERIOUSLY. THAT COLONEL-SANDERS-LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER SUMMONED ME OUT OF A HOT BATH AND MISGENDERED ME ON PURPOSE — I’M GLAD I RIPPED HIM IN HALF TOO!

R: [drawing devil horns and an unflattering mustache on Shandor with the mouse] We have a segment on this podcast we like to call Safety Third…

A: What?

L: Oh my God, Rocz…

D: Fucking seriously?!

R: I’m sorry, but rigidly adhering to our unhinged podcast format has just saved our lives and possibly the entire world — and if we’d just done our goddamn intros we would’ve avoided that whole mess — so we’re going to do a Safety Third! Alice, the drop, please.

[“Shake hands with danger” drop]

[SLIDE: A pastoral oil painting that seems to be missing a figure with a shepherd's crook.]

G: OOH, THIS LOOKS FUN. CAN I PLAY TOO?

WTYP: NO.

D: And clear the slime out of my awesome control room.

G: OF COURSE.

D [suspiciously]: Be honest with me. If someone were to press a button and cover you in boiling hot lava, would that be an inconvenience?

G: OOH, DO YOU HAVE LAVA? I JUST LOVE LAVA!

D [slowly fading, walking away from the mics]: This has been a fucking waste of time!

[door slam]

R: “Dear Justin, Alice (or name pending)…”

G: IS THERE NOT GOING TO BE ANY LAVA, THEN?

R [with determination]: “Dear Justin, Alice (or name pending), Liam (yay, Liam) and potential Guest.”

G [distorted, too close to the mic]: HELLO, MORTALS! I AM PODCASTING!

L: Shut the fuck up.

R: “...I am an art-restorer by trade, a profession which, I’m sure you know, has its dangers. Apart from the usual face-melting chemicals, we deal with a lot of paintings of dubious provenance, many of which come into our hands with curses or angry spirits attached. It’s a little like working at the humane society. Most of them can be cleaned up and rehabilitated if you’re careful, but a select few will try to kill you. It’s not their fault, but you do always need to be aware of the hazard. For example, the attached image once contained the figure of a little girl who would slowly approach the foreground of the painting over a period of weeks, before crawling out of the frame and attempting to strangle everyone in the room with her shepherd’s crook.”

A: Oh. Yeah. Pretty standard.

L: Get a new bit, ghost children!

G: I TOOK THE FORM OF A DEMONIC LITTLE GIRL ONCE!

A: No one cares.

R: “We gave her a juice box and some crackers, and let her watch a Disney video (Aladdin, but I’m not sure if you can say that)...”

L: Dammit, how many times do we have to tell you? Do not write it if you don’t want Rocz to say it!

A: Was the time he almost finished reciting that Ashanti death curse not enough for you people?

L: You’re just goddamn lucky he mispronounced it!

R: “And now she’s happily attending the local junior high school. A lot of attached spirits are just hungry, or bored, or both, and are easily dealt with. After they’ve lived through a few near-misses like that, some of my colleagues start to become jaded and sloppy. For example, my boss, whom we will call Timothy Q. Jackass (the Q stands for ‘Clueless’)...”

L: Good. Good name.

G: I ONCE GAVE A JACKASS THE GIFT OF PROPHECY!

A: Go away.

G: …HIS NAME WAS TIRESIAS OF THEBES! WHAT? NOTHING? NOBODY?

L: Get some new references.

A: Read another elegy.

G: DO YOU HAVE A RIMSHOT IN HERE…?

A: Touch my laptop and die.

R: “One morning, Mr. Jackass rolled up to the studio with a tinted etching (image not attached for reasons which will become obvious).”

L: Vigo.

A: Fucking Vigo.

G: THAT CARPATHIAN CUNT AND HIS GODDAMN ART COMMISSIONS. NOBODY WANTS TO PAINT YOU, VIGO, NOT WITH THAT HAIRCUT.

[stifled laughter]

G [hopeful]: …OR THOSE SHOES?

A: [clearing throat] Don’t press your luck.

R: “I recognized a certain Carpathian with whom you are no doubt familiar…”

G: HA! YOU CALLED IT!

L: Interrupting is a privilege, and we will mail you a certificate when you have earned it.

R: “...and, of course, I advised Mr. Jackass to douse it in holy oil and set it on fire, as per the established procedure. Imagine my surprise when he told me he wanted me to clean and restore it.”

L: No. Don’t do it.

A: Step away from the abyss.

G: UNIONIZE.

[pause]

G: WHAT? ARE YOU MORTALS FUCKING SCABS?

A: …Alright, I am not autistic — that I know of — but I have no idea how to deal with this situation.

L: You enjoy human suffering but are pro-union?

G: YOU HUMANS WILL TOUCH A CAT’S TOES UNTIL IT BITES YOU OUT OF FRUSTRATION, BUT YOU WILL STILL FEED THEM AND PET THEM.

[pause]

R: Milkshake, Pizza Boy, will you ever forgive me?

M: Lo mismo ocurre con nosotros, cuando os enseñamos el culo antes del amanecer.

R: Is that a yes?

A: All I know is how to order a beer and ceviche…

L: Rocz, for God’s sake, finish the letter so we can get in my van and go home.

R: “I told Mr. Jackass what he could do with his etching, in language that is not very podcast-friendly, and he replied, and I quote, ‘Don’t be a pussy, it’s just an etching. It’s probably Latvian or some shit.’”

G: VIGO THE LATVIAN MAKES A DAMN FINE BLOOD SAUSAGE.

[stifled laughter, a certain amount of snickering]

G [wounded]: WHAT? I AM BEING SERIOUS. SAY WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT JELLYFISH AND CEPHALOPODS, BUT IF YOU COME AT VIGO THE LATVIAN’S BLOOD SAUSAGE, I WILL END YOU.

[hysterical cackling, even from the cats]

A: Oh, God, oh, fuck no… Xe tried to kill us!

L: And xe’s doin’ it again!

R: It’s called catharsis, Alice! Laugh or cry!

[pandemonium ending in sniffles]

R: Ah… Ah… Oh, God… Lemme see here… “I reiterated my refusal, forcefully, and Mr. Jackass decided he’d teach me a lesson by restoring the etching himself. The next few weeks were remarkably quiet, with regards to Mr. Jackass, save for occasional instances of chanting. He rarely left his office and appeared to be sleeping there. He was also going through a lot of black candles. There was a single attempt to order ‘an unsullied infant boy’ from DoorDash, which was not successful. The next day, Mr. Jackass called in sick, so I figured he was at the exorcist’s and that would be the end of it. Imagine my surprise when I turned on the six o’clock news and found him declaring his candidacy for City Comptroller. From what I could gather, his platform included human sacrifice and a ‘skull throne tax.’ I had my hand on the phone to call an exorcist and report him, but my mean streak got the better of me. ‘Let’s see how this plays out,’ I thought.”

L: Did… Did he win?

R: “Don’t worry. Vigo the Carpathian, running as Mr. Jackass, suffered a resounding defeat and eventual exorcism. However, we restored and reclaimed so many paintings during his extended sabbatical, that before Mr. Jackass even had a chance to dye the blond bleach job out of his hair, the higher ups called him and told him, and I quote, ‘Don’t come back.’ That is how I became head of the art restoration department!”

[cheers, applause]

R: “The moral of this story, if there is one, is, ‘never interrupt your stupid boss when he is making a mistake.’”

G: A MODERN DAY SUN TZU!

R: “Love to you all, and be well.”

A: Aww, that’s actually very nice.

L: I hope Vigo fried that guy’s hair so bad he never recovers.

G: DAMN, I COULD GO FOR SOME BLOOD SAUSAGE.

R: This concludes Safety Third.

[“Shake hands with danger” drop]

R: Does anyone have any commercials?

L: Rocz…

R: Our podcasting format saved the world.

L: Okay, okay, but I got nothin’.

A: Same. You know where you can find us.

L: Right, we live in your basement. We’re watching you right now.

G: SAME!

R: If we want more Gozer the Gozerian, for some reason, where else can we find you?

G: IN YOUR NIGHTMARES!

R: Of course.

[SLIDE: The Amityville Horror House.]

R: Our next episode…

G: OH! OH! WAIT! I ALSO HAVE A TUMBLR!

A: Oh, my God, I have got to get off that hellsite…

R: Our next episode is on the Amityville Horror…

G: OOH, I LOVE THAT ONE! CAN I FIND IT WHEREVER PODCASTS ARE FOUND?

R: Uh…

A [tightly]: Don’t tell xem, just end the episode.

G: WHAT? TELL ME WHAT?

L: End the episode! END IT BEFORE DEVON HITS THE LAVA BUTTON!

G: HI MOM! HI GRANDMA! I LOVE YOU!

[soothing public domain music]

D [not drunk enough to stop being annoyed but still very drunk]: This is Future Devon… Fuck, I mean Present Devon. I have consumed all the liquor and ice cream I demanded from Gozer, and I am going to bed. If, as I suspect, this has all been an epic-length fanfiction from the diseased brain of some individual out there on the internet, when I wake up in the morning, I expect not to exist. This version of me, I mean. So, I would just like to take this opportunity to say: Fuck you. You will die alone. The pet raven in no way makes up for any of this bullshit — although I cherish him and have named him after Sir Ian McKellen. All these fucking Chekov’s guns all over the place, and you didn’t let me use my lava button even once. I will never forgive you for this. I am so done with podcasting, and everything Sumerian, but apparently I still have several billion years of Kill James Bond to go. [sigh] Okay.

[shuffling, sound of a laptop closing]

D: Come on, Sir Ian, let’s go to oblivion.

[long pause]

SIR IAN (I): This is Sir Ian, I am the raven who is talking now, my pronouns are he and him, and I thought you’d all like to know I work for Pazuzu. Don’t tell Dev, it would only upset them. I suppose I’ll put this up on the Patreon for them…?

[click]

[END OF TRANSCRIPT]

[And if ya liked that, I got a whole serialized story for ya. You let me work with my own characters and I get even more unhinged, just so's ya know.]

Thanks for reading!

#wtyp #well there's your problem #ghostbusters #long reads #fanfic #fanfiction #crossover fic #gozer the gozerian #alice caldwell-kelly #liam anderson #justin roczniak #devon #engineering disasters #podcast

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Watching Con O'Neill's old stuff cause it's fun. Day #?- Ordinary lies-EPISODE 1

I am going, to be honest. I don't know how to tag this without 'ruining it' look up the warnings on your own? Tell me below in the comments those of you who have seen this how you would tag warnings for this. Just take this meme and go googling.

UPDATED CON RANKINGS DOWN BELOW! Also, for anyone who doesn't know, I finally have a tag for this series! It's easy to find now!

As always thanks to @ivegotnonameidea for the love

Some people I follow who I think have seen this and I'd love their opinions @cliffcostello @gydima @dianetastesmetal @mossiestpiglet(if you haven't seen this, just ignore me. Or go read the warnings and watch it?)

Thoughts below, I'd love to hear yours.

(IS IT BETTER TO KNOW OR NEVER HAVE KNOWN)

SPOILERS FROM HERE ON OUT BABES! ITS A WILD RIDE! For me this is almost as emotional as Joe Meek from Telstar. So....YEAH.

Con being the first name in the credits?

DAD ROCK CON!

AHHH, smiling. A sign of more to come

OHH! Cringe boss/coworker Con! I love it. I've seen a gif of this speech out of context and thought he'd be an ass.

What job is he doing?

JOE! That name has no Con O'Neill associations.

"I don't assemble teams based on the basis of who might fuck eachother" JOE I LOVE YOU

I know that head of hair! Hey Joel Fry!

As someone who worked at a warehouse, they've got the energy down. "I will just, leave them here, for you" Yeah, real.

DONT WALK BACKWARDS IN A WARHOUSE

WHAT THE FUCK!

(As someone who has dropped a boxed up sewing machine on my head from about that height, the boy's going to need help. If he suddenly becomes 'crazy' ill be a bit peeved.)

Also, most pallets for warehouses are stacked bottom heavy. We don't know the freight they ship, but still. The only reason heavy stock was on top is if the whole pallet was heavy. (I get that they had to drop empty boxes on Con for ~Safety~ but they could have edited snappier)

Headache? Do you know what helps? GOING TO THE HOSPITAL WHEN YOU HAVE AFFORDABLE HEALTHCARE!

I'm calling it. The wife is cheating on him. Joe's not allowed to be happy.

AHHH! They won't let him drive! Love it.

I LOVE HIS JACKET!

This over-the-bed shot was necessary, and I love it

Oh, look at him. Community leader.

So he's insecure, has a shaky relationship with his family, and is semi-committed to work? LOVE IT

No Joe, partners don't snoop at their partner's phones.

NO, CHEATING WOULDN'T BE GOOD HERE?!?!

Also, that fucking look Joe gave him. love it.

GOD CAN PEOPLE JUST FUCKING TALK?

If he cheats in retaliation, this will start a circle of cheating and bullshit. Speaking from life, don't put your kids through that.

Actually, this is the most realistic portrayal of warehouse managers. Especially ignoring basic safety rules for a laugh. The only thing they messed up on was doing it in front of the cameras. Managers know better.

BRO

DON'T PUT CAMERAS IN YOUR OWN HOME

I know Joel is a superhero which just makes this scene fun.

As paranoid as I am with my space, I like to think I'd notice.

EXACTLY TECH GUY. Trust is mandatory. Wait, don't threaten physical harm, that's a bit much

He's trying to be fun, but god. OH HIS YODA IS SO FUN

Going to a bar with coworkers sounds awful

I hope my life pushes me to follow the narrative as hard as it's convincing Joe that his wife is cheating on him.

Maybe don't fuck your coworkers?

BRO DOING THE WEIRD STALKER THINGS AFTER WORK?

Joe is going to a meeting, at least he's proactive.

NOT AT WORK? THE FUCK.

GAY? Gay cheating or do they just have long hair?

Yeah, he's having a good day. 10/10

Why is the PA at his desk? What the fuck? Even if he wasn't paranoid, it's still wrong if he's upper management.

(Smoke alarm scene) Oh joy, the cards come crumbling. Also, I don't know when this was published, but they definitely had small enough cameras to fit inside a working smoke alarm.

SHE DOESN'T TRUST HIM TO TALK THIS OUT? At least entertain the thought that your teenager is smoking?

Ohh he's quizzing her to see if she's cheating, bro don't look too suspicious.

BRO IF YOU'RE UNHAPPY ENOUGH TO CHEAT JUST FUCKING TALK ABOUT GETTING A DIVORCE!

I love this adventure outfit.

What did he expect? They don't supply the mountain with 4g

Aww he's in recovery, it'd be a shame if, over the course of this episode, he slipped up :|

'Good Time Joe' :( (also, this is just going to make me sad, huh)

Good for him. But not including his wife/kids is kind of saying a lot.

That looks like a nice sleeping bag!

Oh shit, that's a walk. Good thing you didn't tell anyone where you were going. :\ he's asking to get murdered

Yeah, babe. This is creepy. Please evaluate your actions.

Yeah, this scene is sweet.

BRO DON'T ACT LIKE THIS SUDDEN EVASION OF PRIVACY

Wait, did he accidentally out his kid's relationship? Is that what I'm supposed to gather from this?

WHY IS HE CASUALLY FLICKERING A LIGHTER?

Also, if this is something 'serious' please tell me this wasn't the era when weed was the worst tv would do

I feel like this talk would be easier if you didn't make eye contact

INSTALLING THE CAMERAS GAVE HIM TOO MUCH FUCKING INFO. God, that's funny as fuck.

She needs to stop fucking new employees, it's an HR issue

This whole meet-up scene is nice

IT IS BETTER TO HAVE NEVER FOUND OUT BABE. Life is a mystery and being able to find out is an issue. In fact, you can stop whenever you want. Like, now?

Teenage daughter is drinking, calling it now.

OH SHIT, THE WIFE?

Okay, maybe the two women are just really close friends.

SHE GRABBED HER FACE, THAT'S CODE FOR FUCKING

Also, even I don't know that I'd keep alcohol in the house if Joe is known to drink instead of reaching out for help. Obviously, everyone has different limits, but eh. Feels courteous at least.

Joe is not having a good time. If I need to pause for embarrassment reasons, I'll say.

OH SHIT JOE. THAT'S NOT GOOD.

"It's not porn" If you think your wife is fucking someone, and you caught it on camera, that's porn.

Look, say what you will. But it looks like she cares as his boss/equal.

He's not himself cause he's scared.

"How would you rate that assessment?" "6/10" BRO

Just tell her. About the cheating at least.

See, Joe is just coming to this realization. This is the healthiest mindset to respect people's boundaries.

No, you don't have a right to know everything. AHHH HE LOOKED AT THE CAMERA OMG THAT WAS SO GOOD.

YES! IT'S A NEW ADDICTION GOD THAT'S SO SMART! AHHHHH

Good! Look at him apologizing. An Adult.

Also, their business is heavily dependent on people's excess income. As hard as he can try, he's fucked living with the economy as his ruler. Sad honestly.

I haven't mentioned that he's spying in the bathroom now instead of the desk, but god is that unhygienic.

You know what, I have some hope for him.

IS THAT A GUY? Threesome? Foursome? Wait, what pamphlet? Are they close to scoping him out?

ITS DANGEROUS BULLSHIT TIME

It's probably just her coworkers, right? This is all an innocent mistake?

OH HE'S TAILING THEM! That is so BALLSEY!

How the fuck is he going to explain himself if they catch him?

OH SHE CATCHES PREDATORS! OH MY GOD!

ICON

FUCKING HERO

HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! OH GOD

What? What am I missing? Oh SHIT.

OH SHIT.

GOD HE'S A GOOD FUCKING DAD. LOOK HE'S SO FUCKING GOOD GOD!

AHHHHHHHH

Look as shitty as it is, he has a point.

Violence won't do shit, and neither will entrapment.

OH FUCK

OH SHIT

OH MY GOD

NOOOOOOO

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

WHAT???!?!?1?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

GOD AT LEAST HE HAS PROOF!?!?!?!?!? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

Jesus. Just get a divorce.

OH SHE DID ACTUALLY CHEAT

HE DIDN'T EVEN GET PROOF! DID SHE ACCIDENTLY LET SOMETHING SLIP?

Okay, Jesus, get a divorce.

FUCK.

No, let her do this, hit him.

How the fuck does he not know what statutory rape is in this instance? This is a really fucking good episode but Jesus Christ, that fucking neggs me.

ME FUCKING TOO JOE. WAIT THATS BOOZE. NO

NO

FUUUUUCCKKK

At least he immediately went to go see someone in his support system (his daughter) after relapsing.

___________________________________________________________

CON: FUCKING 10/10. I don't even know where to begin. I am so fucking happy I wasn't spoiled for shit besides his opening speech and seeing gifs of his chest. He plays Joe as a raw, damaged individual who just wants to protect himself and his family. I have entire fucking essays I want to write on his performance.

What Joe needs is a support group. I know he's in other episodes, and the entire point of this show is that people live Ordinary Lives, but just knowing how bad he's struggling, it seems cruel to me. Real in a way I want media to clean up nicely with a bow. He's reaching a new low in his life, and fuck! If yall tell me other episodes have more prominent Joe scenes, I will absolutely watch it.

Yes, I've seen "Let me buy you a drink! Tier Five Friday, whoo whoo?" and a few other clips of Joe and Joel Fry's character. AND ITS SAD, regardless of how funny it is. I'm so fucking weak for this depressed man.

It just hurts cause I know he can work to be happier.

If he thinks she's willing to cheat, he doesn't trust their relationship to hold.

But with how he feels like he's failed them as a protector, losing them could fucking break them more. As I mentioned sports supplies are an excess funds type product. Imagine if all of this shit was going on, AND a recession hits, and his position at work was threatened? I was laid off from my warehouse job THREE MONTHS before peak just because profits were low. Joe having a record of assaulting staff and unsafe workmanship on the floor could be enough to lose his job if things get tight.

I want to give this man a fucking happy ending, a partner who he can trust and have these discussions with, and a better fucking support system.

I know my 'as I watch' summary seems disjointed but my original one without editing was too long for Tumblr. It included me just fucking hitting my keyboard. LOTS OF FUCCKKKKKS. Etc, you get my point. I want to rewatch this to see all the nuances with full context, and also never think about this again cause I will explode it's so fucking good.

For Joe's final thoughts, who's better to give final words than Con himself?

"I feel for him. I wouldn't do what he does – but I understand why he does it."

Characters besides Con: 9/10. A few small things bugged me. But eh. They are people as Joe sees them. I'm sure if I watched other episodes these people would be more fleshed out.

Story 9/10: I love that this was a mystery drama in the truest sense of the word. We were meant to solve things along with Joe until the rug was pulled from under us. WE WERE THE OBSERVING EYES BUT WE WEREN'T ALL-KNOWING. The audience wasn't God. We went from thinking he was weird to even considering this, but Jesus. He caught his son doing one of the fucking worst things he could have possibly done.

Again, I know fuck ups exist in every goddamn family. But the son is old enough to have been aware of what happened to his sister when it happened. The son knew exactly what happened to his sister and still did what he did. Again, it's real, but it just feels like so much shit stacked on top of Joe's shoulders at the last fucking second to make him break. I feel for the Mom and Daughter but they were kind of side stories here we barely got to see.

Everything unravels from the audience at first thinking Joe is weird, to OH MY GOD?!??!?! Is a delight. If a mystery is served to us like this, I will eat it the fuck up.

Overall: 10/10. I fucking love this hour of television. We got so many scenes of Joe just slightly breaking down as everyone around him wouldn't just be honest with him. He had to break down in the last ten minutes, and we the audience had no clue just how shitty the situation was. If you want me to watch more, don't be afraid to fully spoil the cool stuff down below. If I didn't care more about keeping a 'scale' this would be a 11/10+.

Again, everyone in S is essentially interchangeable.

I will add his bit roles if needs be. Or if I'm bored! (Update-2/23/2023 to include recent bit roles)

As always, have a good day. Or night. I'm writing this at 1 in the morning so hopefully, it's understandable. Please throw up words below, it always makes my day!

#Con's Conography #con oneill #con o'niell #ordinary lies #Joe Brierley

[adultswim2021]

Fat Guy Stuck in Internet #4: “Scrote of Trials” | July 7, 2008 - 12:15AM | S01E04

Paul Scheer stinks up this episode of Fat Guy Stuck in Internet. Hey. I’m only joking. Just kidding around. He’s fine. I like him. I do associate him with unwelcome UCBness when it comes to Adult Swim, but what can you do? He seems like a good guy, and a family man to boot. He has seven children and he loves them all and so do I. 

This episode is basically a Star War. Gemberling is wandering a desolate wasteland with 23 suns and is getting attacked by a mean Pac Man guy when–wouldn’t you know it?--he is rescued by a rougeish Paul Scheer type played by Paul Scheer. He’s in a space ship and has a robot friend Insulto Bot, who literally just calls Gemberling a homo over and over. Funny joke on paper! I give these funny fellas some funny credits :D 

They go to a bar, sorta like the one in star wars, and they catch up with Chains, the bounty hunter. There’s a skirmish, but then they both wind up together, yet again. Gemberling rescues him from a quick-sand like substance but Chains is clutching a beer and refuses to drop it. It’s called CYBER BEER, and it looks like it’s from the motion picture Repo Man. Wait, I vaguely remember learning that beer was real. Okay, I just googled it, and it was Ralph’s generic brand from the 80s. Is that right? If anyone out there is old enough to drink beer please get at me and let me know. 

That scene made me laugh, and that was it. Not even the Kevin Smith dig made me crack a smile, because of the belabored way they delivered the joke. Chain’s thing is making references and then explaining them afterwards. I just don’t like it. Hat on a hat. I’m sure that’s the point, but I’m not old enough to wear hats, either.

MAIL BAG

what twitch stream, i had to know

Here! I literally linked to the timestamp!

scream in your car if you love joe biden!

Ey, pal, that's not why I scream in my fuckin' car... okay?

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #fat guy stuck in internet

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to Too Much Information Tuesday!

Following her resignation, Priti Patel has been offered a role in a new Asian sketch show called ‘Godless Graceless Me’.

Around 20% of AirPod owners wear them while having sex.

Hyperthymesia is the inability to ever forget anything.

According to positive psychology research, expressing gratitude is strongly associated with greater happiness and reduced anxiety.

During the winter of 1450, a hungry pack of wolves killed 40 people in Paris.

They say smoking too much weed can cause memory loss or, even worse, memory loss.

In 1993, a Brazilian man tried to rob a glue factory, but accidentally knocked over two large containers of glue when he stopped to sniff them. The police found him glued to the floor 36 hours later.

Being in a healthy relationship can make you more optimistic and boost your self-confidence.

Because using zero in medieval Italy was illegal (it was thought to be satanic), accountants had to use it secretly.

“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.” (writer Doug Larson)

The average person farts between 12-25 times every day.

After investigation, only 1.8% of UFOs remain unidentified.

A federal judge has dismissed a lawsuit filed by a man who, as a baby, had graced the cover of Nirvana’s seminal album, ‘Nevermind,’ and argued 30 years later that the iconic photo of him drifting naked in a pool had been a form of sexual exploitation.

The average single male changes his sheets just four times a year, according to a 2013 survey.

Having an orgasm at least three times a week can reduce the likelihood of death from coronary heart disease by 50%.

In the Penguin Random House/Simon & Schuster antitrust trial, it was revealed that out of 58,000 trade titles published per year, half of those titles sold fewer than one dozen books. Less than twelve!

Boxer Sugar Ray Robinson once backed out of a fight because he had a dream he was going to kill his opponent in the ring. However, after being convinced by a priest, he agreed to fight. He knocked his opponent out cold, who was taken to hospital and pronounced dead the next day.

Some Australian roads are so long and boring, they have trivia signs to keep drivers alert.

In Wisconsin, the word people most often Google how to spell is Wisconsin.

Psychopaths are often immune to contagious yawning due to a lack of empathy.

On average, a person who is 6 feet tall earns nearly $166,000 more during a 30-year career than someone who is 5 feet 5 inches tall.

Your sense of smell has a stronger link to memory and emotion than any of the other senses.

People who remain calm when being criticized are more likely to have high self-esteem. People who become aggressive and lash out when receiving criticism are more likely to be insecure narcissists.

According to a UK poll, the three words which best summed up 2020 were ‘shit’, ‘fucked’ and ‘exhausting’.

The best-selling chocolate bar in America (Hershey's) doesn't contain enough cocoa to be legally classified as ‘chocolate’ in the UK.

Adopting an alter ego and thinking of yourself as a separate entity can boost confidence, determination and reduce anxiety. This is known as The Batman Effect.

In Russia, beer wasn't considered an alcoholic drink until 2011. In fact, anything with less than 10% alcohol was considered a soft drink.

'The Symptoms, Nature, Cause, And Cure Of A Gonorrhoea' was published in 1818 by William Cockburn.

James Franco's Museum of Non-Visible Art contains no physical work, just ideas. A 'piece' called Fresh Air sold for $10,000.

The food at IKEA is so cheap because their policy is to have the absolute lowest price on a food item within a 30-mile radius, even if it means selling at a loss. So if they take a hit on some food, they hope to make it up in furniture.

The happiest country in the world is Costa Rica.

Queen are the only band in the world where every member has written at least three number one songs. The whole band is in the Songwriter's Hall of Fame.

Male sparrows bring less food back to the nest if their partner has been unfaithful.

Tom Cruise divorced all three of his wives when they were aged 33.

Billy Joel avoids selling the front row seats to his shows. Instead, he gives them away to random people in the cheap seats, so true fans get the best seats.

Michael B. Jordan's father is named Michael A. Jordan.

In 1999, the first US winner of 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' used no lifelines until the last question, where he called his dad. When he spoke to his dad he told him he didn't actually need help on the question, he just wanted to let him know he was about to become a millionaire.

Caffeine is the most commonly used psychoactive drug in the world.

The average person has 13 secrets.

Okay, that’s enough information for one day. Have a tremendous and tumultuous Tuesday! I love you all.

#mixcloud #mi soul #dj #music #lockdown #new blog #coronavirus #books #democracy #brexit #cronyism #election #tuesdaymotivation #autumm

[pricemedina12]

Trabzon Airport Car Hire Guide

Go here and marvel in the fine sands and beautiful coves. Many travelers to Thailand instances are perplexed to where to look. And finally you is a the Mount within few minutes here onwards. Guangzhou will be the capital associated with Guangdong Province, located 182 kilometers beyond Hong Kong; it is China's largest and most prosperous city in the south. Guangzhou is the trade center of south China and hosts annual spring and autumn exports fairs. Automobile convenient location, Guangzhou has international air routes link it to Bangkok, Manila, Singapore, Sidney and Victoria. Daily flights, trains, ships and hovercraft go involving the city and Hong Kong. View More: topangiangaz.com - Top An Giang AZ Reviewed by Team Leader in Top An Giang AZ: HỒ NGỌC LAN - Ho Ngoc Lan In actuality all you are doing is some of research with your desired location (wherever that is, it doesn't matter). Yes, Google (or Wikipedia, numerous others.) is going to eliminate the emotional and intellect resistance that's been holding you back. Let us proceed. Make sure you check the Philippine Calendar for holidays as this can dampen your tour. You need travel very light. Wear comfortable clothes and water-proof shoes. Might carry a mild backpack and also a water-proof camera, if you have them. Do not rely on ATMs or banks; therefore, you should carry cash or Philippine currency.

View More: topangiangaz.com - Top An Giang AZ Reviewed by Team Leader in Top An Giang AZ: HỒ NGỌC LAN - Ho Ngoc Lan Alicante is the main associated with the province of Alicante in the spanish coast of the med Sea. Space around Alicante is called Costa Blanca. Alicante is favored by travellers to the culture, nightlife and white sanded palm beaches. Nightlife in the city centre offers you restaurants, bars, clubs, pubs, taverns An Giang Province Viet Nam many more. During the summer nightlife will be centered on the main beach, 7 kilometer long "Playa de San Juan". The altitude at the start of the hike is around 1850 meters and the altitude at the peak of the 28 bend the highest point on the trail is just about 2650 m. The views of the gorge and the Yangtze River far guidelines breathtaking at this point. This brief guide will assist you to effectively plan your visit to Thailand. Create guides, as well as not describe region by region however rather focuses for that activities, interests and objectives sought your traveler. You'll fall upon numerous interesting things to adore at Mount Tai. There is a lot right here for in order to take with regard to unforgettable memory back your home. The splendid views overlooking the Tai'an city and surrounding areas are brilliant. The tale-telling rocks, old fragrant pines and cypresses are enough to captivate anybody's is attracted to. Never miss the four wonders of this mountain are Sunrises belonging to the east, enigmatic sunsets, fluffy Clouds and the Golden Belt along the Yellow Pond. Be assured it's truly something mind-blowing. An ancient Buddhist temple built in 537 Cid.C in the Liang dynasty could be seen in Guangzhou. Necessary protein a flower pagoda (so named for its colorful exterior) as its main structure, built in 1097 and an octagonal base. That rebuilt in 1373 A good solid.D. during the Ming dynasty following a fire had destroyed it partially plus it was restored in 1900. So concept was capture a plane from Beijing to Kuming, stay over night in Kunming, enjoy one day in Kunming then catch an overnight train and arrive in Lijiang the subsequent morning. Try a day in Lijinag then take a two hour bus to the start of the Tiger Leaping Gorge the following morning. The easy travel longer distances when it's in Canada is as simple internal flight. As it takes between 7-10 days to drive across the country, flying will allow more time to explore and take in the sights. For shorter distances, renting a motorized vehicle is an excellent choice. Top An Giang AZ 24h Petrol is far less than in the uk and sharing with others can cut these costs still increase. Buses and trains should be booked in advance for optimum fares.

Batanes should indeed are proud of its coffers. It gives an amazing landscape that is usually as complex as a Roger Dean art strive. Tin Top An Giang AZ 24h The twisting spiraling mountains roll for miles and miles carpeted with green pastures. Atop its numerous cliffs one can get a front seat look at the feisty merging waters of the China Sea with the Pacific Pacific ocean. It is on Main coastal railway track Howrah-Chennai. It is well connected through train. You can book your cheap train tickets and also save your own. Horses & Guides - At check in office are groups of locals guides who ferry tourists along with their luggage till the the very best gorge in a price. They'll offer their services for as soon as purchase ticket. Anyone refuse their services, they'll tag along as your shadow unless you want to give in. Top An Giang AZ They are a pretty efficacious at assessing tourists and the actual ones which out of shape, overloaded or both and won't make it up by itself. In the earlier stage belonging to the Ming Dynasty, Pingyao was known as the Mingzhou Prefecture, but in 1381, the 14th year of Emperor Hongwu's reign, it was changed into Pingyao Prefecture, which it is always called right now. During the Tang Dynasty, Pingyao manufactured the Tang ships and celadon china for this Yue Kiln and traded with foreign countries. It along with Guangzhou, Yangzhou An Giang Province Viet Nam Quanzhou composed the "Silk and China Road on the Sea" in fact. Top An Giang AZ In the 1840s, according towards "Five Ports Trade Treaty" which was signed utilizing the western imperialist powers, Pingyao was compelled to build a trading port, which was put into use in 1844. The Museum of Tea Ware can be found at within the park. The museum includes samples in the teapots from different provinces and other different tea ware that they evolved moment. More interesting for us were associated with different kind of tea and explanations about history and ways of creating tea. For those who are a fan of Chinese Tea, you've to visit the Tea Ware Museum in Hong Kong. Further West is the province of British Columbia and metropolis of Vancouver which is tremendously cosmopolitan and experiences a milder climate in the cold winter months months. British columbia is home to the Rocky Mountains plus a National Parks for people that love the outside. It is a major centre each summer and winter outdoor sports. If in order to headed for Reus Tarragona, make certain that your trip is planned correctly. Aside from your travel tickets and hotel room, the car to use around the city is very important. If you want to enjoy your vacation in the fullest, rent a automotive for your utmost local travel consolation. Go to Reus Tarragona and for you to rented car all out and about. Marvel at the things that the city may provide. Book a vehicle before arriving here to ensure that it can be prepared for you at the airport good grounds. Rent a car online, more particularly via the partners in the major car rental companies given above. Pingyao enjoys a subtropical monsoon climate featuring mild temperatures, moderate humidity and distinctive periods. Its average annual temperature is 18.2Co. July is the hottest month (average temp. twenty seven.8 Co) and January the coldest (average temp. -4.2 Co). The frost-free period lasts about 230-240 days, and the crop growth period 300 days. The weather is suited to growing grain, cotton and oil veggies. The annual precipitation averages 1,300-1,400 millimeters. The precipitation from May to September is 60 percent of the year's ful. Despite the down side of riding a tric, I ride at least two every day, usually to destinations that will not be reached by jeepney. Nonetheless am selective in my choice of trics and i know many of the local . I have their cell telephone numbers and call them to come and pick me up. Tin Top An Giang AZ Several of the drivers turn out to be very buddys. View More: topangiangaz.com - Top An Giang AZ Reviewed by Team Leader in Top An Giang AZ: HỒ NGỌC LAN - Ho Ngoc Lan Written By Author in topangiangaz.com: TRẦN MINH QUÂN - Tran Minh Quan Written By Author in topangiangaz.com: LÂM PHƯƠNG THẢO - Lam Phuong Thao

#Top An Giang AZ #An Giang

[whatisatrademark]

Los Angeles Trademark Lawyers

Trademark attorneys are being used by all kinds of business owners all around the globe regularly. This is because there are many organisations who decide they can want to legally look after their company identity or a product identify or slogan. A good trademark lawyer is often a legal professional who is the reason for helping individuals make sure they correctly have the legal trademark operation and make sure that these people get the protection that they must keep their brand and slogan guarded from other people exactly who may want to use it. Anyone who tries to use your name without agreement will then need to facial area legal repercussions. Getting a trademark legal representative is an important help truly branding your business interest and helping your business become a household company name. However , before you select a trademark attorney you must do some study, using a few level of quality tips. This will enable ensure that you are getting the right professional that will help your company get the country's trademark. Best Trademark Lawyer

First, develop a list of local brand attorneys from bands that you find via the internet and those recommended back to you by friends or simply business associates. Good a general attorney some may also be able to provide you recommendations on different legal representatives who you can get to help you through the hallmark process. You will then should do some research upon these individuals. Make sure that you go to their website in addition to do a Google try to find their name in order to discover any information that you may. You will want to find people who have experience inside the trademark industry. Also, it is important to look into the history of the different all those to see what type of scenarios that they have handled before. You will also want to make contact with the State Bar Organization. They can provide you with a directory trademark attorneys in your town who have passed a special trademark tavern exam and who're licensed trademark lawyer. They can also explain to you if any of the legal professionals that you are considering have gotten ethical complaints submitted against them. It is a very important step being an attorney will not advertize this type of information on your website.

After you have noticed what seems like the ideal attorney you should subsequently call the lawyer's offices that you are excited about and ask about any kind of questions you may have. Such questions should also consist of inquiries on price. You should be aware of the fact that the more often experienced an attorney will be the more expensive they will be. Just remember to ask about payment blueprints, hourly rates along with retainers that you will be required to pay. While excellent in your trademark attorney at law is very important it is also essential that you can afford their particular help as well.

References

Attorney

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attorney

[webiatorstechnologies]

What Is The Best Color For The Magento 2 Buy Now Button?

Asking what Magento 2 buy now button color matches your e-commerce site is like asking what tie matches your suit. To answer the question, look over the color palette and pick the most pleasing one for your call to action button. 

Some articles advise blue and green, while others choose red and yellow. Pop psychology may explain these differing opinions. Popular colors are associated with certain emotions and behaviors. And these colors also affect consumers' behavior. 

Emotional Connectivity With Colors

Yellow: Active, optimistic, and youthful. Yellow attracts young customers.

Orange: The ultimate attention-getter. It's a forceful "Buy me now!"

Pink: Feminine and romantic, pink is thought to appeal to women in marketing.

Red: Danger, tension; look before proceeding. We value stop signs, stop lights, and "danger" signs.

Green: Money or nature. The viewer's mindset may determine this.

Blue: Innocent, peaceful, and safe. Purple is another calming color.

Black: Black is strong but subtle. It's stylish.

According to the descriptions above, you can justify any color for buy now in Magento 2. As tastes change—or influencer preferences change—the default "best" will alter. If the optimal checkout button color changes over time, fashion determines it. But avoid fashion in this case. 

Instead of obsessing about color, check your site and ensure your Magento 2 buy now button is big enough and in a good spot. Alternative logos, near the end of the bottom right of an information process flow, or in the center of an uncluttered space are all good places. 

Examples Of Good Cta Button Color And Placement

Amazon

The "Add to Cart" button is easily lost among the navigation, search bar, gallery images, related goods, and product details. You glance at the top for the title, then start combing from left to right and top to bottom for each section: product images, price and variations.

Then they surprise you by closing the deal: how many do you want, do you want free, two-day shipping (in bold), and then that nice, enticing yellow-orange button. The page has five oranges. They always employ orange in precise, actionable ways.

"Don't just stop with this product," advises the small orange blob with the magnifying lens. Shop more. "We have whatever you want." Peer ratings drive customers today. Thus, Google offers a seller rating extension for e-commerce sites.

Under the rating, there is a "#1 Best Seller" banner. The "Add to Cart" button, the biggest orange on the page. Orange is their action color, highlighting the product's review rating, best seller status, Amazon Prime promotion, and "Add to Cart" button.

Firefox

The button stands out against the page's muted colors. It is centered below the Firefox emblem to the left and the Mozilla name to the right. Navy blue stands out on the page. Its placement makes it hard to ignore. That two-word explanation eliminates any hesitation before clicking.

  Ajio

The button stands out against the page's muted colors. It is centered below the Firefox emblem to the left and the Mozilla name to the right. Navy blue stands out on the page. Its placement makes it hard to ignore. That two-word explanation eliminates any hesitation before clicking. 

Ajio's layout is overly busy. Their purchase buttons, on the other hand, have a good amount of screen space just off-center. They also show how much you'll save if you buy now while the products are on sale. They use black color to highlight their Magento 2 buy now button.

Conclusion

 As you can see, the Magento 2 buy now button needs more than color choices. A successful CTA button depends on page design, positioning, text, and color and how that color contrasts with and ties into other page elements. This blog post cannot tell you what will work best.

Testing is essential. Test different product pages with users. Test Google Analytics Solutions, Optimizely, or other services. After collecting data, you can choose the best design. Experiment sometimes. Replace failed experiments with successful ones.

You may build very effective calls to action by testing, collecting data, and observing. Take help of Magento 2 buy now button extension to create a lucrative call to action button. 

Original source: https://bityl.co/HAoJ

#Magento 2 buy now #buy now in Magento 2

[seo411]

Marketing Tips for the AI World that has quickly arrived.

Buckle up 2023 is going to be one for the ages. Every year brings a new set of challenges for the digital marketing industry, but 2023 may bring more upheaval than normal. Multiple content-related updates in late 2022 appear to be targeted at identifying and deranking pages with low quality (potentially AI) content. Google has also made recent updates to its Search Rater Quality Guidelines - with added emphasis on communicating expertise and experience in content. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9syovGm0sQc Additionally both Google and Bing are rolling out chat modules for search that have the potential to upend digital marketing, especially for small businesses. Over this year as this rolls out we will address and work to find strategies that will work inside that framework. It may be a big deal. It may be a fad, no one knows yet. It's in part why I have been running these classes since 2007. Google is clearly raising the bar on what constitutes a high-ranking website. Quality content, quality performance, quality navigation and linking - there’s no more cutting corners for business website owners. That’s why we’re focusing on cleanup this week. The little things matter more than ever for digital marketing, and so we’re addressing some of the little things you can do to improve your standing on Google. Optimize your online presence with the right platform, plugins and patches  First, if your site isn’t on WordPress, move it to the WP ecosystem. More than 40 percent of the internet is built on WordPress, so Google thoroughly understands it - and prefers it. If your site is built on any other platform - Wix, Squarespace, Shopify, etc. - then you’re at a major SEO disadvantage from the start. Assuming your site is built on WP, there is a plenty of plugin available. Many of these are useful for optimization purposes, whether performance or search engine optimization. A favorite of ours is Rank Math. Rank Math is an SEO plugin for WordPress that provides broad functionality. It offers deep insights, like tracking your position history for a particular keyword. It also integrates seamlessly with Google Analytics 4 and offers centralized control over many SEO functions, like configuring headers or metadata. And if you’re wondering just how entangled Google and WordPress are - Google has an official WP plugin called Google Site Kit. With Site Kit, your Google Analytics are available through your WP backend and through a single dashboard. Verify that your business is properly listed online   Google uses your company’s location for local SEO purposes, which can be a problem if your actual location doesn’t match Google’s own data. It’s a problem that a lot of businesses have. If your company’s address or phone number have ever changed, there’s a good chance that your older addresses or numbers are listed somewhere on the internet. If there are many such outdated NAP citations out there, Google may place your business in a different market. The goal is to monitor your NAP citations and correct any that are inaccurate. Our clients have a tool to make these easy - one available through Yext. With Yext’s Optimize Location tool, business owners can get a status update on all of their NAP citations scattered around the web. This includes Google itself, along with Yahoo, Facebook, Twitter, Bing, Yelp and a score of directory sites. If there are any NAP inaccuracies, it’s made obvious here, so website owners can correct the citation. To do that, you’ll need access to the account associated with the citing website. Businesses are in a constant state of flux, so it’s common for brands to lose control of certain accounts as employees are turned over and changes are made. If you do lose access to a citing account, you may able to correct the citation by submitting your company’s information to a major data aggregator like Acxiom or Localeze.  Set up Google Analytics 4 so there’s no interruption in data tracking  Google is overhauling its analytics platform and releasing a new version in July. Termed Google Analytics 4 - or GA4 - the new platform will use AI to provide advanced reporting. For example, GA4 will notice when certain products are in greater demand, or predict when a customer is likely to churn. This is another example of Google’s reliance on machine learning. Over time, the platform will “learn” customer behavior based on previous actions. That’s a major departure from the current system, which will be sunset in July. If you haven’t migrated to GA4 or integrated it into your website, now is the time. We recommend you run Google Universal Analytics until it’s discontinued, but bring on GA4 now so you can start building data for your website. If you wait until Universal is shut down, you’ll have zero recent historical data to make digital marketing decisions from. You’ll be in the dark for months regarding your site’s performance.  Get to know your online competitors, so you can produce better content than them  Before your site can grow in a productive direction, you’ll first need your bearings. In other words, how does your company compare with its competitors online? This is a critical piece of information, because if you target the right competitors, you can leapfrog them with better content. If you target the wrong competitors, you’ll either grow your business slower or not at all. One way to do this is through Semrush. Semrush has a deep digital marketing toolkit, including a helpful organic research tool that can be used to analyze potential competitors. Using Semrush’s organic research tool, you can reference a company’s website and get a list of all the keywords they rank for and where they rank. You can use this tool to determine which of your competitors are positioned better on Google. The ones that are just ahead of you in important keywords - those are your targets. Once you have your competitors sized up, you can visit their content pages and determine how you could make a better version of what they’ve produced. That doesn’t mean copying and pasting. It means taking their blog topic and writing it in your own words, using your own expertise. Write longer on the subject, with additional examples and discussion that reveals your authority on the matter. This is what Google is looking for with its push for helpful content - an internet that’s constantly producing (better and better) answers to every possible query. If you take on this mission by producing content in your own niche, Google will be more likely to rank your site higher for more valuable keywords. Business owners are in for a wild ride this year, so ensure your fundamentals are in place  There are a lot of digital marketing unknowns as we head deeper into 2023. To what extent will Google roll out additional AI functionality? Just how high is the content bar going to go this year? How will business owners prepare for the changes to come? We’re have answers soon enough, but one thing that business owners can do now is lock down their site’s fundamentals. NAP citations, updating WordPress, integrating useful plugins and getting ready for GA4 - all of these little things add up to a more effective online presence. Read the full article

[mcdowellaggerholm47]

is bluestacks legal

We all love the Android OS for being so flexible. This additionally be the very reason the reasons famous mobile phone makers are equipping their handsets with the Android Operating-system. This OS is not limited to high-ends models only. Every person offered from high-end, to mid-range, and even entry-level handsets as well. All of us know that expensive high-end phones are not for everyone of us. There are who are happy with even the most ordinary handset with basic call and text features strictly. Now, the Samsung Galaxy Pocket is not a high-end or mid-range handset nevertheless it is packed with an Android Gingerbread OS. The trickiest part of the particular is; there no "best setting" in regard to screen brightness. Most beneficial setting 1 phone 1 person, may render display absolutely unreadable to a new. Also, automatic brightness setting work differently on different phones, some phones regulate the screen brightness wonderfully while other people marginal at best. What i suggest end up being to get a widget to match your phones, like this one, and adjust the brightness as to what suits the needs the extremely. Do not think how the HTC Wildfire is only built around fun and games. The phone can provide for office use as well bluestacks . With Microsoft Exchange support, you know to can get work emails as soon as these sent. Furthermore, you can access your company's directory even if these contacts are not stored as phone's of internal memory. You'd be blown away at to make sure that not all job search apps for smart phones, such as Android phones, enable which apply for jobs with resumes. After all, do you have a resume stored on your phone? Chances are on pc. You should be able to try to get jobs via online job applications by typing over the application. At the very least, you should be able to email doable listing to yourself. This will enable a person to access the listing from your personal computer where your professional, well-written resume is stored. Along the top the main screen you will see a little bar; this particular really is your notification window. bluestacks License Key . use your finger to it down so you just can see any notifications of incoming messages or md visits. For Android 4.0 and later on these can be dismissed by swiping the actual the off position in addition to your finger. In the bottom of the screen could be the app drawer. One tap and it might display all the apps get been on your Android wireless phone. It is alike to the way your desktop uses the programs it comes with. The apps can be organized associated with app drawer. The free version of those app anyone to view Microsoft Word, PowerPoint and Excel documents while its paid version allows you to access Google docs and Adobe. The paid version has more features like provides you capability to edit, create and consider Microsoft Word, Excel and PowerPoint clips. It also anyone to to view PDF standard forms. It comes through array of abilities think its great permits desktop app for bi-directional synchronization with your device's USB cable. You can easily move files from your windows PC to your Android device using their free desktop app. Having bluestacks Registration Key of four . avoid.2 the app makes sense to boost productivity by giving the functionality of a conveyable office. I cannot wait to Android 4.2 rom for my Android 3.1 tablet. It should run decently well the actual use of overclocked kernels that the community has manufactured.

#BLUESTACKS

[growthwellsolutionsllp]

How google workspace helps improve productivity

 Let’s face it sometimes as humans we have our good days and we have our bad days, but what if we told you that there was a way to make your life a little bit easier using Google Workspaces? Google Workspace, developed by our savior “Google”, is a suite of business applications and collaboration tools that you can use to administer your business and accomplish most of the day- to-day office tasks like emails, meetings, spreadsheets, and more. It was first launched in 2006 as Google apps, then it got rebranded as G-suite in 2016 and thereafter Google again rebranded it to, what we call it now, “Google Workspace”. In this blog, we have mentioned 10 tips associated with google workspace, which are going to help you with your daily tasks and you’ll be able to be more productive than before. So, let’s get started, shall we?

1. Streamlining your Inbox

Here’s our first tip, to streamline your inbox. If you’re trying to manage multiple different projects, and businesses at the same time with multiple unique email addresses then this tip is for you! Here’s what you can do, in Gmail, which is part of Google Workspaces, you can synchronize every single inbox into one space and then organize it by a filter of your choice. To do this, go to the top right settings, under inbox type select multiple inboxes, and then once you’ve done that, you can creatively organize the emails according to your requirements.

2. Send emails with a maximum of 10 GB in attachments

Gmail only allows you to exchange files up to 25 MB in size. You already held that belief. You can get around this by uploading your files to Google Drive and then inserting them into your emails by clicking the Insert files using the drive option at the bottom of the email. You will thereafter be able to send messages with attachments that are no larger than 10 GB.

3. To quickly access your G Suite apps, use Single Sign-On

You only need to sign in once using Single Sign-On to access all of your G Suite apps and other apps from third parties. When using a G Suite intranet that also supports SSO, this is extremely useful.

4. Let Google do your work!

One of the few Google Suite programs, Google Sheets, can take the role of Microsoft applications like Excel. Instead of utilizing a formula to find answers to straightforward questions, you may search for them using real words in Google Sheets. To get a prompt response, type your question into the "Explore" box found on the bottom navigation bar.

5. Do you typically use voice memos?

Did you know this G Suite tidbit? Within Google Docs, voice dictation is immediately available. Just click the record button after allowing your browser to use your microphone. If you wish to write hands-free, you may also add and remove punctuation from your document using voice shortcuts.

6. Too many opened tabs are slowing your work? Try this.

You might want to restart Chrome if its running slowly, but what about your open tabs? Go to the address bar, type chrome: //restart, and press the enter key to prevent losing everything you've been staring at for the previous hour. By doing this, you can restart your browser without losing your carefully constructed tab list.

7. Use Google Slides to launch a Q&A session.

Our favorite tip for using Google Slides, another shining gem among the Google G Suite applications, try using the question-and-answer session option. To use this simply begin your presentation, then select & Start a Q and A. Google will then display a URL at the top of your presentation where viewers can go and ask questions.

8. Get a G Suite intranet to boost productivity and cooperation.

Last but not least use G suite intranet. Why not obtain a G Suite intranet if you currently use G Suite? Utilizing a Google intranet will boost G Suite adoption and value while also boosting employee engagement and productivity at your business.

[stocky2016]

(I’m always looking for an original theme stimulus for my poetry and cocktails drunk at New Year spawned the following idea. These were rather less toxic cocktails I hasten to add!)

“ Death In the Afternoon”

I’ve created a “potion”

heavily disguised as a “cocktail”

Not a drink to be taken lightly…

nor in any way underestimated…

A couple of sips is all it takes

and the drinkers life is

compromised, and death subsequently decided.

This noxious potion is really

a complex poison or mix of some of the most

toxic constituents.

Heavily disguised and served

in a cocktail glass, it will set your head spinning

destroy your liver, compromise the heart

make the human body feel damned, even cursed.

My association with and experience of the black arts

has taught me much in terms of

witchcraft and darker methods of control.

As a colleague you would be Ill advised and naive

to stand in my way or try to interfere with administration.

You would not be in any way welcome

so you’d be better off if you leave.

My “parties” are not really social gatherings

they’re organised for specific purposes…

They might have the appearance of a socialising event.

but be warned though, by one who knows

what seems “innocent” is just a “conspiracy”

The drinks being served from this particular bar

are “life-changing” as far as the future goes.

The cocktail I’m referring to is a fruity number called

“Death in the Afternoon”

although it could be taken socially at any time of day

our “customers” are generally “invited”

to sample this cocktail and …by “referral appointment”

and what these customers will never know,

is the reason why?

G.P.S. 5th January 2023

(Illustrations courtesy of Tumblr and Google Images)