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crazyqueenmoon · 1 day

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LEADING A TIGER

Atsushi x Fem! Secretary, both mid-20s

Setting: 1960s AU

TW: sexism, mentions of s*xual harassment, CW: Drinking, smoking, implied NSFW stuff

!MINORS DO NOT READ!

So I’ve gotten back to watching the rest of Mad Men after so long. Though I haven’t finished it, it’s definitely a show I’ve found myself loving and find kinda similar to BSD in terms of its themes and workplace setting. Though they’re TOTALLY different as shows. Mad Men has no action, gore, or flashy characters and is 100% grounded in real life, so if you can’t be down with that stuff in a live-action show, expect to be bored AF. I’ve come it with some head-cannons around the 1960s. Also, Joan is one of my favorite female characters ever and I love Atsushi. Their personalities are completely opposite from each other, and this idea of Atsushi being this new employee at the ADA being shown around the office by a tsunderish secretary and them falling in love was just begging to be written, so here it is:

• The ADA would be like the Sterling Cooper office but with far less drama and gossip. The office would still look nice, but not nearly as nice

• You’re the badass, snarky head secretary of the ADA, refusing to settle for anyone’s BS. The Agency would not function without you helping all the higher-ups and you have a multitasking ability which allows secretarial tasks that typically take 8 hours to be completed in 10 seconds

• Unfortunately, most people have a hard time taking you seriously when it comes to your ambitions and underestimate your intelligence.

• BC it is the 1960s we’re talking about, unfortunately some of your male coworkers will be sexist a-holes that believe women aren’t supposed to be in higher positions/ ask for raises and should accept where they’re at and not be so demanding:

-Kunikida would say this to you after he got overhears you saying that you ought to be promoted. (I know you all love Kunikida and talk about how he drinks Respect Women juice, but this is 1960s Kunikida we’re talking about NOT Regular Kunikida. Plus Regular Kuni does kind of conduct himself in an old-fashioned way, so it doesn’t surprise me.

-You can expect Dazai to harass you and hit on you every single day unfortunately. He’ll also joke about how you’ve only gotten the job BC you offered Fukuzawa s*xual favors even though he’s well aware that’s not the case at all. But he will shut his goddamn mouth and behave in front of you once Fukuzawa or Kunikida is in sight. You’ve also learned some good comebacks from Yosano that’ll leave him terrified of you for the rest of the day. Interactions between you two will go something a little like this:

You: ‘I wanna be on top.’

Dazai: ‘Of me, dollface? Come on, now. Don’t be so feisty at work!’

You: ‘Of the company.’

Dazai: *laughs* ‘You’re gonna be a secretary for the rest of your life. That’s you’re fate, as a working woman. I don’t make the rules. But if you don’t like being a secretary, you can be mine instead.’

-Tanizaki also laughs when you mention this to him. He won’t make lewd comments about you or act domineering like Kunikida and Dazai do, but consider him trash as well.

-You tried to seduce Fukuzawa as a way to get promoted, but he noped immediately. He thinks of you as a daughter, and engaging in quid pro quo behavior completely goes against his values. He hires you because you’ve got the right skills and bc of your hard work, but doesn’t think you’re ready for a promotion combined with some sexist biases.

-Kenji respects you as his elder and superior. He wouldn’t really have any opinions on you being a leader, but even if he thought the same as all your male coworkers, it wouldn’t really bother you or frustrate you that much.

-Ranpo’s probably the only man in the office who isn’t dismissive of your ambitious tendencies, though he’s not necessarily a cheerleader about it. He’s more of a ‘Yeah, you’d be good at it, I guess’ kind of guy at most.

• You also smoke cigarettes a lot. You need them the way Ranpo needs his snacks, and it’s the only way you can calm yourself down.

•You’re filling in for Kunikida’s secretary today BC she’s sick. He calls you into his office, introducing you to your new employee, Atsushi Nakajima.

• “He’s the weretiger that he spent all night looking for, and now he’ll be working with us.”

• “Working with us?” you ask coolly. “Who’s idea was it, to employ a shapeshifter of all ability users?”

• “The president’s,” says Kunikida. “Should I report to him you doubted his decisions, Y/N?”

• “No need to,” you answer. “If it’s what president decrees, then I can expect it to be good.”

• Atsushi’s in awe as he looks at you pulling out a cigarette as you’re glaring.

• “Show the new guy around for the next hour,” says Kunikida, impatiently pushing a startled Atsushi from behind. “And cancel my 2 PM appointment! I won’t get it done with all these documents to read.”

• “Yes, Mr. Kunikida,” you scoff rolling your eyes.

• “Um, ma’am?” Atsushi asks. “Are you okay?”

• “Yes, I’m okay,” you say icily. “Now how about you shut up so I can give you the damn tour, tiger man? Could you do that for for me?”

• He nods quickly and walks behind you.

• “This is where you’ll be sitting,” you say, pointing to a small desk with a typewriter and a pen holder. It’s also facing a gray wall with no window. “Not pictureresque, I know. Though a chump like you should consider yourself lucky getting a desk with a typewriter. Now that you’re part of the Agency, you’d better learn to be punctual and not let your emotions get in the way. Don’t, and you’re left for dead. God knows it’s a pain, but it’s how work gets done around here.”

• Atsushi has no goddamn clue how to use a typewriter, so you have to teach him the whole day, in between passing out documents from Kunikida to the president and vice versa. You give Atsushi your worst frown once the day is done bc of all the stress he’s piled on you.

• On your desk the next day, you find a ‘Thank You’ card and a bouquet of flowers.

• It’s from Atsushi himself. He thanks you for helping him learn how to use a typewriter, and apologizes for upsetting you. Some of the ink is smeared, and he asks you to let him know how he can make it up to you.

•You march up to Dazai’s office holding the card and flowers, telling his secretary you’d like to speak to him shortly. She tells you he’s busy but he insists that she let you in over the intercom.

• “Eager, to see me so early, honey, huh?” he teases as you enter his office. “I knew you’d come through one of these days. You’re making me one lucky man.”

• “Is this some kind of joke, Dazai?” You demand, holding the card and flowers and opening the card.

• Dazai looks at the card and reads it. Handing it back to you. “Oh no, not my doing at all. The one thing I’d never do in a love note to a woman is let the ink get smeared with my tears. You’ve got an admirer Y/N. Atsushi-kun’s in love with you. You heartbreaker you. You’re makin’ me jealous!”

• You spend the whole day wondering if it’s true. As much of a scheming bastard Dazai is, he is good at solving mysteries

• You spend the next two weeks testing out if Atsushi’s got a crush on you, offering him employee training which he surprisingly manages to catch up on

•At this point, YOU’RE the one whose got a crush on him. He’s sweet, friendly, takes you seriously and doesn’t laugh at your goals. He’ll even bring you a treat from the bakery a couple times a week. But you won’t show those feelings to him. When you ask him if he’d like anything in return, he tells you he doesn’t.

• “Y/N, you never asked me what I can do for you in return,” he says.

• “Take me on a date,” you say. “At the Green Palace. 6 PM sharp.”

• “Date?!” he asks, shocked by your answer and how nonchalantly you said it.

• He takes you out and it goes well, eager to foot the bill despite his lowly salary.

• As you spend more time together, you vent to him about how you’re underestimated when it comes to your abilities because of your gender. He doesn’t know what that’s like, but he confides in you about how he’s felt so useless his whole life growing up in the orphanage and during his time at the church shelter. He also thinks it’s ridiculous that all the men at work belittle you, and believes you have what it takes to be in a higher role at the company.

• You’re one of the few people not to judge him for bringing up his traumatic experiences to him, and if he didn’t already trust you in the first place, he’s now given 1000% of it to you.

• You two keep your relationship a secret, though Dazai and Ranpo know. You’ll hear Dazai ask Atsushi personal questions about you two, but luckily Atsushi knows to be careful around him and scoffs at him, telling him it’s none of his business.

• He’ll come over to your apartment after missions to decompress and he’ll try to comfort you too when you’re stressed with work.

• A year into your relationship, you tell Atsushi it’s time everyone knows. He’s hesitant at first, but then agrees to it, and wants you to announce if this is to happen.

• Before announcing to the ADA, Fukuzawa decides to promote you to junior director. It’s got ‘junior’ in it, but it’s a far cry from being secretary and you get your own office. You’re now the only other female employee along with Yosano to have her own office.

• When you’ve announced to ADA, everyone cheers. Kunikida’s surprised, and angry you didn’t inform him about this, but gets over it. Fukuzawa wishes you told him, but approves of Atsushi as a boyfriend to you.

• Surf rock music plays on a record, and everyone gets drunk and hollers.

• “Happy one year together,” Atsushi says softly, holding a small gift bag. “ I got you this. Hope you like it.”

• “A marble bluebird,” you gasp, looking into the bag.

• “You said they’re your favorite birds once,” he says nervously. “I thought it’d be a great gift to give you.”

• “Atsushi…” you mutter. “Thank you.”

• You walk up him and kiss his cheek. His face turns bright red with everyone looking you two.

• “Don’t forget to give me one, too!” Dazai calls out. “It just took a measly glass bird? I’ll get you all of them, Y/N.”

• Kunikida makes a fist towards Dazai and he gets frightened.

• “ You hated my guts, when you first met me,” says Atsushi. “ The last thing I expected was that you’d fall in love with me.”

• “I never hated you, Atsushi,” you say. “ I just hated how I felt. You’ve helped me to believe in myself, and you’re always good to me. I love you, Atsushi.”

• “I-I love you too, y/n,” he stammers. He’s told you every single day, but he wants to say it again anyways. “You‘ve done really great. You deserve all this. Got any orders for me, director?”

• “Follow me to my office,” you jest, smacking his ass.

JFC this is MUCH longer than I thought it’d be. And writing this has kind of made me hate Dazai. But I had a lot of fun, writing this. If you’ve made it all the way here, thank you, thank you, thank you! Please leave a comment and LMK your thoughts.

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bonny-kookoo · 3 years

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Remedy | JJK x Reader | 💜☁️🔞🤖

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Android!AU, Android!Jungkook, AI!Jungkook

Warnings: mentions of war, PTSD, Panic attack, confused!Koo, soft reader, like my god I just wanna put her in my pocket and keep her safe, aka that’s what Koo wants to do, protective!Koo, praise kink, unprotected sex but izz fine Kookoo can’t knock her up anyways, soft sex, it’s very soft ngl, there’s a bird, some sad Koo, kook cries here and there, comfort and rehabilitation

Summary: JJK, Or J-Jungkook097 was a tactical fighter-type Android, used in modern war as a simple weapon and nothing more. Now retired after serious injuries, he has to adjust to modern life outside the war zone or he’ll get scrapped; and that’s where you come in, a rare human being ready to take on that challenge.

"Ah, what a waste, really." A worker says, looking the body of the Android over. "You sure you don't want him?" He asks, and the older worker shakes his head.

"I can't let him around my kids by himself, and I don't want him to snap around my wife either. He's not suited for my home and family." He says, looking the male robot over, before he pulls out his phone. "I think I know someone who just might take him." He says, hurriedly texting, before he gets a call back.

"Huh. Is he factory reset, or still running?" You ask, as Seokjin connects cords to the back of the android's neck.

"We tried to have him reset himself, but there's been problems." He explains. "He told us he did already, but that can't be true since he'd need a command to do it- his model isn't equipped with those AI options. Maybe his memory overloaded and deleted stuff as a survival protocol, we don't know. He's a military model, after all, they didn't let us see his original save data- they just downloaded it and went their way, leaving him for us to dismantle if he couldn't reset him properly for a new system." He says, as you type in some stuff, before viewing the screen you hold in your hand.

"So he's technically still running on his original warzone-system?" You ask Jin, and he nods, sighing. You furrow your brows, and the older male looks over at your tablet to see what you're looking at. "Are you sure? This is.. his AI settings are all set to.. look at this; companionable, friendly, all his settings are set to a companion-android, not a fighter type." You mumble, confused by this.

"Wait no no no that wasn't like that when I last looked at him." Jin says, taking the tablet from you as he types in some stuff. "Huh. This is weird." He says, showing you something. "Look at the protocol."

You do. "Huh." You say, looking at the last line of code.

Last change made by: JJK_OSADMIN

"He changed his own system." You say, and Jin is standing up now.

"I'm taking him with me, I can't let him-" He starts, but you do as well, placing your hands ontop of the Androids chest as if you're guarding him.

"NO! I already signed, I own him- Jin, I have to look into this- and he's set to friendly, he won't get hostile that easily." You try to reassure him, and he sighs after a while, taking his jacket from the chair close by.

"Keep me updated." He says, as he leaves you be.

The Android still sitting limply on your chair.

"Alright JJK. Time to wake up." You say, closing the small panel before you sit in front of him, waiting for his system to run the commands you had typed in before unplugging him. It takes a moment, but there's movement after that; his body slowly starting to sit properly, muscles moving into place, and system running it's diagnostics to detect any change in hard- or software made. It marks down his eyes, the small patches of skin re-made, and that his body-liquids had been replaced.

He feels good.

His eyes open slowly, iris moving and focusing in Various degrees before they meet your form. "Hello." He simply says. "Are you my new owner?" He asks, and you nod, expecting that question. He's not been factory reset, which means even though his memory was scattered, and his system had been changed, he was still aware of everything vital. He nods, before he looks around. "I'm now supposed to run on the companion protocol, correct?" He asks, and you shrug. He's confused, as you suddenly smile at him.

"I don't know." You tell him. "Companion, Individual- what would you like?" You ask, knowing it will bring his current system to it's limits. He's not made to make decisions like that, and you think it's quite endearing to see him suddenly think like that.

"I.. choose?" He mumbles, before he looks at you seriously. "I'd like to be given a small time frame to properly research before I come to a conclusion." He says, and your eyes widen.

You look at him, still friendly as ever. "So, you want to figure out what you want first?" You ask, and he nods, a bit hesitantly. "Okay. Just tell me when you've made up your mind then." You say, and he nods.

"What are my daily tasks?" He asks, and you shrug again. "This is frustrating." He says, and you laugh at that.

It's weird to hear it. But he notes it down as a positive response from you.

"Just don't burn the house down while trying to cook or something." You joke, and he seems to take it seriously.

"Why would I set your home aflame while attempting to cook? I'm not even capable of either task.." He says, and you get up, grinning.

"Don't worry so much. Just properly charge for now- we'll see what's gonna happen as it happens." You say.

He nods.

Jungkook knows that around 75% of fatal accidents occur in a mere household. He also knows, that a regular home is the safest place to live. Yet there he was, on the floor, holding his ears as an attempt to block out the sound of his nightmares. "Jungkook?" You ask, as you turn off the microwave. He's still shaking as you sit down in front of him, close- but not touching, unknowing if he would react to that negatively or not. "Can you hear me?" You ask, and he hesitantly retracts his hands from his ears, letting the sound in again. The beeping of the microwave is now gone, only the soft ticking of your clock on the wall and the buzzing of your fridge remain. "I'm sorry that scared you." You say, smiling apologetically as he shakes his head, face serious. His eyes move frantically as they glow an orange hue, showing his system status.

"No, I should apologize." He says. "I don't know why I displayed this reaction to a mere household object." He admits, and you open the microwave to take out your meal, before sitting down on the kitchen floor. "You shouldn't do that- the tiles are very cold-" He starts, but you wave him off.

"Its fine. Both." You say. "You're probably still confusing some sounds and things with your past use as a warzone model. So it's normal- your system has to adapt. You have to adapt." You say. "We all need some time to heal after what you've been through." You say.

He sits quietly after those words, watching you as he goes through his research on you. You're a very unusual individual, displaying a lot of behaviors he hasn't seen before. You take care of everything with a sense of care that makes him come to the conclusion that you're probably treating the machines and robots like living beings. Such as the oldschool robot-dog that he's seen under your living room table. It's currently charging, but he's seen you interact with it- genuinely displaying happiness and excitement at the very basic AI of the pet-robot that's missing a leg.

Its broken, just like him. But you're taking care of it, just like you take care of him.

You're very caring with him, too. He's seen you search for skin patches that match his color almost perfectly, even though they were more expensive than the usual models found in stores. You apologize for 'hurting' him, even though it's sometimes nescessary to repair him. You ask him about opinions, and let him roam around freely around the house.

You're a very friendly person.

And he, unknown to you, starts to create new files inside his system.

You're not there when he wakes up the next day.

He scans the house for any movement, but there is none that would lead him to the conclusion that you're there. There's no sign of you, and he becomes frantic, suddenly.

If his system would've worked properly like it should have, he would've remembered that you had told him yesterday that you would make a small trip to the local grocery store around the corner. But his system isn't working properly, already displaying several scenarios of you getting hurt, or vanishing, or leaving him alone.

He’d seen it before, so many times, hell; he’d been the reason of so many deaths in the first place and it never bothered him. So why was his internal system going absolute haywire at the mere idea of something happening to you? It was to be expected really- with how fragile you are, mentally and physically, it was bound to happen at some point. So why, if he knew it deep down already, did it make his pulse race and his skin feel weird?

You’d told him to stay home, but there was no way he’d be able to let you out of his sight. Because no, there were no emotions involved; they’d been restricted for him at the beginning after all, he was simply looking out for you. Probably a bug, maybe his system thought you were someone to be protected, a new mission to keep him occupied, that was probably it. It wasn’t because you had been so sweet with him, it wasn’t because of how gently you were in correcting him whenever he did something bad, it wasn’t because you were an absolute divine being in his eyes.

“Kook?” You said, an almost painful huff of breath escaping you when he crashed into you, holding you, his arms squeezing you a bit and his face burying itself into the crook of your neck, every sense drinking you in, saving the proof that you were okay, you were real, you were completely fine. “I-“ you started, and his eyes ripped open, suddenly realizing that he may be hurting you. As if burned he reacted, hands hovering over your shoulders as he looked you over.

“I apologize, I’m so sorry, does it hurt bad-“ he spoke hurriedly, eyes already glazing over with tears he didn’t even knew he could shed. Why did he suddenly feel so upset? His entire system was overloading, tears finally flowing and disrupting his sight so badly that he didn’t see your face anymore; sending him into panic even more. “I’m sorry- I’m-“ he pressed out, but there was nothing working anymore it seemed.

Only a few minutes later did he slowly come back to his senses, first thing he noticed being the way you held his body close, softly speaking to him while you were petting his head. It was such a weird sensation, yet it somehow soothed his mind back, as he realized that you were both on the ground. He was way too heavy, why were you doing that? But when he tried to get up, you held him tightly. “Take a Moment, Jungkook. You’re okay, I’m okay, just a breathe, yeah?” You said, and he nodded. “Let’s go back inside then yeah?” You softly said, and he nodded.

“But you need to buy groceries. We don’t have sufficient stock of-“ he started, but you giggled, the sound something he knew he liked. He didn’t quite know what to think of his newly found preferences for things, but he simply let it happen for now.

Because liking you could never be a mistake, he decided.

He calls out for you one day, his hands holding something you can't see yet. His eyes are wide open, his optics moving around frantically as he calls again. "Creator, please!" He calls, as you finally spot him, walking over as he looks at you with a worried expression. "Please- I don't know what to do. She flew against our window and probably has a concussion- you can help her, right?" He says, and you don't get curious as to why he immediately knows the birds gender and diagnosis; he can scan the tiny body, after all.

"Ah, come into the kitchen." You say, and he follows quickly, still delicately holding the tiny body in his palm, careful not to drop it. "Lets put her in a box and a nice quiet place, yeah? She'll recover on her own probably." You reassure him as he watches you place her in an old box without a lid. "Put her where you found her, okay? That way she'll know her way back easier." You tell him, and he nods, determined, as he walks back towards where he had found the bird.

Jungkook, in a way, was slowly changing nowadays.

He was a curious being, always eager to learn about the most mundane things. True to his purpose he picked up on things very easily; learning how to draw and paint very quickly. He had recently gotten interested in a video game you used to play before your work took over your time- and you loved seeing him have genuine fun with it.

He wasn't doing things anymore because they were asked of him. Or because they were an order.

He was developing hobbies, you'd noticed.

Of course you kept Jin updated about all of these things, and he had been happy to learn that his reboot was going well- joking around that he was glad he hadn't killed you in your sleep yet. And while, at first, you were quite wary of him walking around the apartment, nowadays, you couldn't imagine Jungkook even hurting a fly.

Just like with that tiny bird.

He was a gentle soul, simply a bit clumsy sometimes- apologizing over and over after breaking your alarm clock once, the alarm setting off another one of his 'episodes'- moments of flashbacks he got from his past purpose in war. You had reassured him and had let him watch as you fixed it again, praising him along when he gave you the right tools.

Praise. That was something he seeked as well.

And it wasn't just that he wanted aknowledgement of his own achievements. It was more your attention that he wanted. He wanted to be around you whenever possible, even sometimes dancing around the topic of maybe sharing a bed one day- but he had also been wary of hurting you in your sleep, by rolling over or something alike.

Always so thoughtful.

But he would be able to hold you that day; when you had complained about being tired, he had suggested a nap to you. Instantly taking on that chance, you laid down, rolling over as he was still on the couch with you, already having laid down prior. He was unsure at first where to put his hands, until he decided to just go for the common human way of affection; holding you close.

And he made a note inside his system, that he truly deeply enjoyed the feeling.

He finds you on the couch, crying, after an argument on the phone. That in itself isn't the issue he's having, however- it's the sudden wave of protectiveness rolling over him, drowning his senses as he walks over to you, his orange glowing eyes now scanning your form. "What did he do?" He asks, knowing that it was a former partner of yours, constantly calling you asking for money. It's a bad habit of yours that you can't seem to say no; and now that you did for once, he had bitten your ear off with bad remarks and names you'd rather not repeat. "I'll hurt him, just say the word. He needs to feel the same pain you do-" He's shaking a little, you can see it now; his hands unsure where to place themselves, his eyes watching over you, his breathing a little faster. He starts again, and you put a hand on his shoulder to stop his words.

“Jungkook no, he didn’t hurt me in like, a physical way.” You tried to explain, tears now forgotten as you try to calm the Android on your couch down- still absolutely terrified by your state. “I’m gonna be fine.” You say, but he doesn’t seem convinced. Or is it something else?

“But why am I hurting?” He asks suddenly, and your eyes widen. Well, why was he? Technically he was capable of understanding emotions, that wasn’t shocking. What was confusing to you however was just how he was able to share your pain. And it was obvious he did; the way his eyes glistened and his body shivered, overwhelmed by whatever was happening. “Why does it hurt to see you hurt?” He almost whispers, lost with the situation.

Jungkook was indeed a very weird android- you’ve noticed that long ago already. He was emotional, sometimes moody, and slowly began to develop an actual personality the more he was living with you.

Something his model shouldn’t be capable of.

And maybe that should scare you- maybe that should worry you, maybe you should call up support for answers, but you don’t. You do what’s best for yourself and what you think is best for him in that moment; you lean forward, and wrap your arms around him. And it doesn’t feel at all like an android you’re hugging in that moment, because an android wouldn’t cry with you. An android wouldn’t hold you like this, wouldn’t tremble in your hold like this. It makes it easy to forget that Jungkook isn’t human.

And that in itself is absolutely dangerous.

Somehow, his system had bypassed the blockade to his emotional capacities.

He had noticed it ever since you had been out to restock groceries by yourself, but he had been a little unsure back then. He now knows, for sure, that something had happened.

It was confusing, to say the least.

So many things were somehow suddenly starting to fall into place for him; his favoritism to being close to you, or his system failing whenever you weren't nearby. It also makes sense that he's standing right in front of your bedroom door that night, knocking as you open it. He feels a weird sense of protectiveness seeing you tired and vulnerable like that, and he sits down on the side of the bed where you join him. "Is everything okay?" You ask, and he shakes his head.

Nothing is okay, everything is confusing, and he's unsure what to quite think of all of this. "I feel.. confused. Scared. There's.. fear, in me, boiling up and interrupting my thoughts." He explains, and you nod.

"Feeling is scary, huh?" You ask, as he looks at you.

"How do you do it?" He asks, and you lean your head a bit to the side in question. "There's.. so much of it. How do you.. separate it, keep it in order? Its all over the place, and it's.. so distracting. Its so overwhelming- I can't seem to calm down." He mumbles, serious face turning frustrated as his fingers play with the fabric of his pants.

"We don't." You say. He looks at you for a moment, before you continue. "We just.. let it run through us, I guess. If you don't, it'll make you sick after a while. " You say, and he looks at you.

"But.." He starts. "I fear I might start to display reactions a male android model isn't supposed to openly display." He almost whispers.

"You don't have to openly do it." You reassure him, placing a hand on his shoulder, before moving a bit, body facing him as you open your arms. "It's just me; and I won't judge. You can be whoever you want with me, Jungkook." You say, and he lays down next to you in your arms, momentarily enjoying the quietness and closeness of the affectionate gesture.

"There are no bad feelings, Jungkook." You tell him, and he listens, as he lets them run through him, just like you told him. The sadness, the comfort of your body against his, the.. adoration he feels towards you. Everything, even though it hurts him, physically, something he only ever thought was a artistic way of describing emotions. "There are only wrong actions." You say. "If you feel the need to cry, cry. If you're angry, scream, shout, or find something to channel that into. But if you bottle it up-" You say, "they will lead to mistakes. They will bring pain, and they will bring remorse."

His voice is strained as he talks. "But how do I know when to act on them, and when not to?" He says, and you chuckle.

"You'll learn, Jungkook." You reassure him. "You'll learn."

And he nods against your shoulder, before you can feel him shake a little less, quiet sobs racking through his body until his exhausted body falls asleep to charge.

"Remarkable." Jin comments, as he watches the lines and lines of codes. "He has started to self-code his own system. He's quite literally learning." He says. "All by himself. This is amazing." He says, before he disconnects Jungkook.

"He's still a bit jumpy sometimes, and the microwave is still his worst enemy-" You say, as Jungkook reboots again, eyes slowly focusing as they start to glow again. "But he really is amazing." You say, and Jungkook beams at that, proudly smiling.

It's rare for an android to display such emotions, and he's still often very much void of any clear visual feedback in terms of facial expressions- but he's learning, and he's evolving, growing, in a way. Seokjin closes the panel on the back of Jungkooks neck, as the android stands up to walk closer to you. "Jungkook." Jin says, and the android turns towards the young man. "Do you look after her well?" He asks, and Jungkook nods. "Make sure she stays hydrated during the day, yeah? I highly doubt she's told you she struggles with that." He says, and you whine, as Jungkooks head whips around, eyes scanning your body as he furrows his brows.

"Creator, you need to drink at least 2.5 Liters of water per day. It's vital for your health, which is already very delicate." He says, and you glare at Jin for telling him anything about that.

"I'm fine- and also, please don't call me creator. I'm not anything like that." You say, picking up the walking puppy-robot as Jungkook nods.

"What should I call you then?" He asks, and Jin perks up.

"Call her baby!"

"Jin NO-!"

"No matter what she tells you-" Jin says, holding Jungkooks shoulders as he looks at him seriously. "She likes it." He says, and Jungkook, serious as ever, nods, noting it down, as you groan.

"I hate you both!" You say, and Jungkooks eyes widen.

"You.." He says, voice almost not heard over the laugh of Jin. "Hate me?" He asks, and you immediately regret your words. Jungkook still hasn't figured out sarcasm yet- the entire concept still a little too complicated for his system to grasp, so you walk closer to him, holding his cheeks in your hands.

"No no no, I don't, I could never-" You promise him, as he nods with already glossy eyes. "I just said it as a joke, okay?" You say, and he nods again, biting his lip a little before Jin clears his throat.

"I'll head off now." He says, already putting on his coat. "Thank you for letting me see him- it's really amazing to see him grow like that." He says, and you nod, giving him a short hug before he leaves.

And for some reason, Jungkook feels jealous, watching you so close to him.

Jungkook is in love with you.

He's come to that conclusion all by himself, and he's proud of it, but he's also very unsure about it. He has done a lot of research, scanned every source he could find and validate; and he has found a new interest in activities humans do in relationships to show their partner love and affection. He's not stupid, he knows what intimacy is, and is also aware that he's capable of doing these things with you; but he's also a little unsure, if you'd want that.

After all, there's nothing he could give you.

So one night, he stands in front of your door again, knocking, as you open it.

"Do you think.." He starts. "I'm capable of love?" He asks, and you look at him. "Because I think.. no, I am very sure I love you." He admits, and you get up, but there's no stopping him. "I don't know what it's like for you, but I have observed my newfound emotions, and there's a pattern I've detected; whenever I'm with you, around you, whenever you give me attention, or when you touch me, theres always the same emotions involved; there's this need to take care of you, to keep you safe, to be close." He rambles, and you listen to him as he talks, walking closer to you as his hands find your shoulders. "There's this.. urge, to partake in human intimacy with you. I want to.. show affection the common way, like kissing you, or holding you, things like that." Your cheeks grow a little red. "But I don't know if you are experiencing the same things. My research shows that.. that we could only do these things, if it's the same for you." He says, and then, almost as if hes whispering. "Is it?" He asks, and you struggle to answer. "Do you.. feel the same.?" He asks again, waiting for you to say anything at all.

You stay silent.

Its a sunday when a letter arrives at your home.

When you open it, there's several papers inside; Jungkooks personality tests, official papers that make it possible for him to leave on his own. When he reads them, he's serious, as he watches you smile at him.

"Jungkook, this is great, isn't it?" You say, trying hard to not let it show that you dread letting go of him. "You can finally get an apartment- maybe make something out of your talents, and earn a living. You're free to go now." You say, biting the inside of your cheek as he looks at you with wide eyes.

"But.." He starts, softly. "I'm yours." He states, and you shake your head, swallowing hard.

"Jungkook no.. you're you. No one owns you anymore." You say, and he suddenly shakes his head, throwing the papers in the kitchen sink as he walks towards you, his hands on your shoulders.

He looks at you, serious, as his optics focus on you. "You were the one who told me that every machine should be treated with respect." He states, as you look away from him, his hands shaking you a little as he tries to get your attention back on him. "You said even we androids have souls." He says.

"I did, but-" You start, but he cuts you off.

"And if we do, if we really do-" He speaks, his hands now holding your head, his face drenched in desperation. "Than it belongs to you." He states, and your eyes widen. "It's yours." He repeats. "If having it for myself means I have to leave you, I don't want it."

"I don't.. want to take advantage of you, Jungkook." You say. "You're.. everything is still new to you, I don't want you to regret this-" You start, and he leans down.

"I won't. I've run every possible scan I could, calculated every possible outcome, you know I can't lie to you. I could never regret this.." He says, as he leans down a little. "Can I..?" He asks, and you smile, jumping over your own shadow in a way, as you give him a nod. "I.. can you.. say it?" He asks. "Just once?"

You take his hands in yours, as you lean closer. "I love you, Jungkook." You say, and he gasps, his systems going absolute haywire in the best ways possible. He's again filled with emotions, but this time, they don't hurt; they make him feel light, as if he weighs nothing, they make him close his eyes because suddenly even the slightest light is too bright for his optics.

"Again." He asks, and you comply.

"I love you."

"Again."

"I love you."

He sighs, as his lips finally meet yours.

There's no magical fireworks or anything like that- but Jungkook decides that he doesn't need these things. The feeling itself, the emotions flooding his body are enough to outshine any beauty of reality itself. There's nothing he could ever compare to this, he decides.

He's unsure if Androids have instincts, but in that moment, for the first time, he doesn't care. This seems to be one of those situations to let his emotions run through him, lead him, show him what to do, he decides. His hands roam over your skin, ears catching every sound you make as he moves on autopilot it seems. He's letting go, he's finally doing something he really wants.

And it's all thanks to you- you've given him the chance to be himself.

You've given him the gift of feeling loved, as he finally comes as close to you as lovers ever could; entering you carefully, senses on high alert as he feels your walls around his length. He had been unsure of why pleasure seemed to be described as fun and intimate, but now he can relate to these claims fully. He's so full of love, so overwhelmed, that he simply rests his forehead on your naked shoulder, eyes closed as he simply lets himself feel. He doesn't care about his whines and groans, only focusing on you and your body, on the feedback every muscle sends to his systems, enjoying the way you make him feel.

Its truly magical, he notices.

He doesn't even notice his nor your orgasm at all, but it doesn't matter.

Because at the end of the night, he finally holds you close. Not like before, but this time, as lovers.

"I've given her exactly 0.26 milliliters of a 1 to 1 water and fruit sugar mixture every day at appropriate times." Jungkook seriously tells the vet, as he looks at the bird on the metal table.

"I see. Good job." He praises, before looking at you. "A warzone-type?" He asks, and you nod. "Barely noticable. I have one too, that's how I knew." He comments, before he turns to Jungkook again. "I'd say the bird simply likes your company, Jungkook. She just want's to stay with you That's why she comes back." He explains.

"Like me and Baby?" He asks, and you giggle at the nickname Jungkook keeps using.

"Yes, like you and her." Namjoon says, utterly entertained by you and Jungkook. "So I'd say let her be around. She's perfectly healthy, otherwise." He says, and Jungkook turns around, box in hand, as he smiles.

It's quiet that evening, sun slowly setting and drenching the walls of your shared apartment in a golden glow. Jungkook watches your sleeping form, leaned against him on the couch, as he simply remembers all of the things he's experienced because of you.

He truly is a machine capable of love.

Because you taught him how.

#bts imagine #bts #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook imagine #bts smut #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook #Android Jungkook #robot Jungkook #bts reactions

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lcksndkys · 3 years

Text

Title: Official

Pairing: Namjoon x reader

Rating: 18+, smut, fluff

Genre: secret dating au

Word count: 1,467

Summary: You can only hide your new relationship from your friends for so long.

Warnings: oral (m. receiving) + a ruined shirt RIP

A/N: This lil smutty piece was written for the ghostie drabble marathon. Song lyrics: “Because all of this is not coincidence.” (DNA). Inspired by @jinpanman ‘s post about "Namjoon fixing his zipper in the middle of the performance”. Also, by law, tagging @sahmfanficbts <3

You grunt quietly as Namjoon presses you against the wall, mouth sealed tight against yours as he kisses you deeply between racks of clothing.

Hand pressing against his chest, you push his heaving body off yours.

“You have to go on in like,” you look down to check you watch, “15 minutes.”

“Mmm, that’s ok, plenty of time,” comes his low rasp as he continues to lick into your mouth, grinding his hips into yours.

You let him kiss you languidly for another minute, basking in the pre-show privacy. No hiding from curious friends or judgemental peers. Just you and Namjoon for these precious, fleeting moments.

Namjoon had begrudgingly agreed to keeping your relationship private upon your request. What had started as a drunken hookup months ago had evolved into under-the-table hand holding, sneaky kisses, falling asleep on nightly phone calls.

“Ah, Joon, you- they’re gonna come lookin for you,” you pull back, panting and trying to reason with him.

Instead of replying, he ducks his head burying face first into your neck where he suckles at the soft skin he adores so much.

Whimpering, you claw your fingertips up and down his sides, feeling the silky material of his top. You pull his shirt free from his pants and send your hands underneath to feel his bare skin.

“Fuck,” you whine. “No marks, Joon” you gasp, feeling the sudden increase in suction against your pulse point, losing himself to the taste of your skin.

You feel the rumble of displeasure in his chest as he yields to your command.

He knew you were exclusively dating him, but when no one else was privy to that information, it almost seemed negligible. He was tired of biting back his frustrations when your mutual friends would try to set you up on dates. (Not that you would ever agree to any.) He was tired of pretending the two of you weren’t more. He was ready for the world to know about your relationship, but he knew you were still hesitant.

Namjoon detaches his warm lips from your neck to peck lovingly at your forehead.

Pressed against the length of him, you feel the evidence of his excitement prodding against your abdomen.

“And how exactly do you plan to hide that?” you giggle, cocking an amused brow at him.

He brushes your hair aside and lets his large hand rest against your throat. Possessive, yet gentle.

“Mmm, it’ll go down,” he mumbles as he reattaches his lips to yours.

Kissing across his mouth and planting a few along his jaw, you make your way to his ear.

“Or I could help you,” you whisper seductively, cupping his clothed erection.

You smirk when you feel Namjoon shiver at your gentle fondling. His body is like a live wire, crackling and exposed at your electric touch.

“Oh shit, I- I can’t return the favor though,” he pants.

“Take care of me after the show,” you purr, hands unbuckling his belt and reaching for the zipper. “You want this?” you ask one last time to which he nods vigorously.

Impatient, he pushes your hands away to free himself from the confines of his pants.

You wrap an eager hand around his length and swirl a thumb around his flushed tip. You gather the moisture there and spread it in slow circles around the rim of the head making Namjoon groan deep in his chest.

You spit generously into your hand to avoid chafing him.

Skin smooth and soft, you pump him quickly to jerk him to his full potential.

Thunk. Namjoon’s head falls back against the wall, eyes closed in bliss, as you tighten your grip around him.

“Eyes on me, big boy” you whisper, sinking down to your knees for your man.

His gaze follows you all the way down until you settle comfortably between his parted thighs.

Your hand continues jerking his cock as you pepper open mouthed kisses to his groin and lower stomach. Your otherwise unoccupied hand pins his hips against the wall.

“Love these,” you muse.

Caressing the supple skin of his powerful thighs, you feel him throb wantonly in your hand.

You sink your teeth into the muscle. All pressure, no pain.

There’s a garbled groan from above you.

“Baby, please,” Namjoon pants, “We don’t have much time”

You inspect his cock as it pulses in your grasp. “Oh, I think you’re only gonna need a few minutes,” you cackle.

An endearing flush spreads across his cheeks, dimples flashing as he chuckles along goodnaturedly. “Well, my girlfriend is very hot,” he argues.

You gulp, trying not to go rigid while holding his length in your hand. Neither of you had explicitly labeled your relationship, opting to silently agree that you were exclusively seeing each other.

Rather than stutter out a response, you stuff his cock deep into the wet heat of your mouth, wrapping your lips around him the way he likes.

Namjoon’s hands immediately push your hair back and hold it in a makeshift ponytail as you sink down his length. He’s not about to miss the visual of you blowing him.

Holding him by the base, you bob up and down, gagging lightly as he slides down the back of your throat. You try to relax, inviting him into the depths of your mouth and coating him in a sheen of saliva.

“Fuck,” he moans, feeling you increase the suction around his shaft.

Your hand begins pumping what won’t fit in your mouth, suckling around the crown and urging him towards his climax.

“Baby, look at me, eyes up” he pants over you, unraveling quickly with your enthusiastic servicing of his cock.

You lift your heady gaze up to meet his desperate eyes. Brows pinched with his lower lip held hostage between his teeth. He’s so close.

Your mouth focuses on his sensitive tip, hand furiously working his shaft. His legs quake with his impending release.

With an obscene groan, Namjoon cums, erupting in your mouth. You continue to suckle at him, hand slowing down but pumping leisurely to help him ride out his high.

You do your best to hold his load without immediately swallowing the unsavory fluid.

“You know what I wanna see,” he whines, encouraging you to open wide.

Namjoon moans in appreciation, seeing his seed fill your mouth as you swipe your tongue through his cum to lick at your lips. You swallow most of it and let the rest dribble down your chin and onto your chest.

Knock, knock, knock.

“Namjoon-ah! Are you still changing?” comes the tinkling of Jin’s voice.

Fuck.

You urgently flip through the rack of Namjoon’s clothing to find something to clean up with. Pulling a semi-plain shirt from its hanger, you wipe down his wilting cock and leave him to tuck himself back into his briefs as he pulls up his pants.

Cleaning off your mouth and chin and the residual cum off your chest, you haphazardly replace the top on its hanger and try to shake feeling back into your feet.

You check your watch again. Six minutes to show time. You smirk.

“Break a leg, bubs” you smile up at him and push him toward the door with a parting good-luck-kiss.

You watch happily from backstage as the group performs another stellar show. The crowd cheers when Namjoon makes a joke about his opened fly. Choreography and vocals all flow smoothly as the night unfolds, leading up to the final few songs.

The seven men pile into the dressing room for a final change for the encore when there’s a ghastly shriek.

“What the actual fuck,” Jin hollers.

Several pairs of eyes look over to Jin as he gingerly inspects an article of clothing.

Oh no.

No, no, no.

Jin looks from his soiled shirt, to you, and back down to the shirt he’s supposed to change into.

You had forgotten you had worn lipstick tonight. And it was smeared all over Jin’s top along with residual ejaculate and spit that had begun to flake as it dried.

Incriminating at best, evidence at worst.

“What’s your lipstick and whateverthefuckthisis doing on my shirt? Why was Namjoon’s zipper down all through the first half of the show? And why did Namjoon-ah get all pissy when I tried to set you up with Sejin-hyung last week?” he fires off suspiciously, eyes darting back and forth between the two of you.

The room falls dead silent and all you hear is the pounding of blood between your ears.

“Because all of this is not coincidence,” Jin continues, gesturing wildly.

“I'm with Namjoon,” you confess quietly.

The room erupts in hoots and hollers, I told you’s, and all you see is Namjoon beaming at your admission, happy to finally love you officially and publicly.

#namjoon fanfic #namjoon x reader #namjoon scenario #namjoon smut #btsghostiemarathon #blow #job #secret dating au

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bastardtetsu · 4 years

Text

critical thinking | ch①

pairing: kuroo tetsuro x gn!reader

genre: college au, enemies to lovers, tsundere!reader, slow burn

wc: 1.9k

warnings: swearing, being a theatre major

※ mlist | ● ② ③ ④

you knew it was a dumb bitch move to procrastinate on your science requirement.

trying to schedule gen-eds around the demanding requirements of your theatre degree was already a nightmare, and your aversion to maths and sciences makes it even more difficult to find classes that both fit in your schedule AND don’t make you want to actively drop out of school. you weren’t sure why you thought putting off your one and only science credit until your final semester was going to solve any of that. so, you couldn’t be shocked when your only option to graduate on time ended up being 9am chemistry 1. on a monday, no less.

the first class is just as bad as you expect. the lecture drags on for ages, and as much as you will your sleepy morning brain to wrap your head around the concepts being thrown at you, no amount of caffeine, color-coded notes, or mental gymnastics can ford the river of brain-muddling frustration standing between you and a passing grade - the one you need to graduate.

panic begins to set in as you visualize all the hard work you put into your degree rendered useless, all because of a class that doesn’t even have to do with your field of study. who decided there had to be a science requirement anyway? i don’t need fucking chemistry to get a theatre degree??

“if you’re having trouble with anything,” your professor announces, bringing your attention back to the lecture that's finally wrapping up, “the tutoring center on campus is a great resource. i also hold office hours at the times listed on the syllabus. that’s our time for today folks, have a good week.”

you check the syllabus - all of the professor’s office hours conflict with your other classes, of course. asking your classmates is out of the question, seeing as you’re the lone arts major in a sea of STEM and pre-med. as annoying as it is to have to add another item to your schedule, tutoring seems like the only option if you want any hope of graduating. luckily you have some time before your next class, so you pack up your things and head for the tutoring center.

you pray that a decent chem tutor is available during any of your limited free time as you approach the lady at the desk of the tutoring office. she informs you of several with hours later in the week, none of which align with your schedule, and one who is available for the next hour. you figure tutoring right after class isn’t a bad deal - especially considering it’s your only option. the woman gives you a classroom number and a name - kuroo tetsuro - and you set out.

it doesn’t take you long to find the right classroom, but you aren’t prepared for the sight that is waiting for you there. a strong jawline and a mess of black hair that appears to stick up on its own catch your eye first as he taps away at his phone screen, his bored slouch doing nothing to hide his imposing height.

“um... hi, kuroo?” you say tentatively. his eyes glance up from his phone, slightly startled.

“oh, hey,” he responds, sitting up a bit, “you here for tutoring?”

“i am,” you reply with a half smile, “y/n.”

“kuroo. nice to meet you, y/n,” he pulls out the chair next to him as an invitation, “what year are you?”

“i’m a senior,” you say as you make your way over and sit down, “i’m in chem 1.” he definitely seems taller up close, even sitting down.

“chem 1? as a senior?” he asks derisively, his lips curling into a smirk. embarrassment and annoyance shoot through your chest.

“i’m a theatre major, alright,” you respond dryly, “i’m just trying to get my science credit and go.”

“left it ‘til the last minute, huh?” that smirk is still on his face.

“yeah, not my best decision,” you reply, trying not to let your annoyance seep through, “but i’m just trying to pass this class so i can graduate.”

“well, hopefully i can help with that,” he says smugly, “i may be a lowly business major, but i’m pretty good with chem if i do say so myself.”

a business major. of course. you’re familiar with the future capitalist machinery of the business school from your limited experience with the frat parties they so densely populated. needless to say, the impression was not good.

“so what do you need help with?”

“um...” you pondered, “all of it?” he snickered.

“you’re gonna have to be more specific if you wanna get anywhere.” his tone is dripping with amusement. is he trying to piss you off?

“ugh,” you let out an exasperated grunt, suddenly averse to showing any kind of weakness to this jerk. you pull out your notebook and flip to the page where you had attempted to take notes earlier. “this stuff.”

he leans over to take a look at your notes, and as his eyes scan the page you suddenly notice his smell - some fancy-smelling cologne with like, sandalwood or some shit - and his strong but elegant bone structure. i could cut myself on those cheekbones, you think.

“these notes are terrible.”

annnndddd he ruined it.

“well i can’t exactly take good notes if i have no clue what’s going on,” you counter, “isn’t that what you’re supposed to help me with?”

“i can try,” he says with an amused grin, “but I’ve never seen someone struggle this much with the basics on day one.”

now, you could put up with a lot of shit, but the one thing you cannot stand is being condescended to. especially not by some egotistical capitalist fucker who barely knows you.

“look,” you say pointedly, holding back the urge to throat punch him right then and there, “i’m really busy, and i just wanna pass this class, so if you could help me without being a dick about it i’d really appreciate it.”

“aw, but where’s the fun in that?”

his lips twist back into that patronizing smirk - he’s definitely trying to get a rise out of you.

“fuck off,” you say with a roll of your eyes, refusing to take his bait, “are you gonna teach me chemistry or not?”

he chuckles quietly again, thoroughly entertained. “sure. only because I’m so kind, and i could use the challenge.”

you scoff, but hold yourself back from retorting. you don’t want to give him the satisfaction.

at first, it’s excruciating. you loathe this douchey business bro getting off on being condescending while explaining chemistry to you like you don’t understand anything - which, to be fair, you don’t. but that somehow makes you resent him more.

granted, once you actually get down to business, kuroo is actually a pretty good tutor. he’s not actively annoying when he’s actually trying to teach you something, and he’s surprisingly patient and good at breaking things down. dude is smart, there’s no denying that.

nevertheless, even when he’s not being snarky, every correction he makes seems to fluster you more. you hate looking stupid in front of others, and something about kuroo seems to amplify that feeling by a thousand. you blame his attitude.

as you fumble trying to wrap your head around the unfamiliar numbers, symbols, & formulas, you’re simultaneously attempting to maintain a shred of dignity in front of this man who clearly thinks of you as the dumbest bitch on the planet. and the more you struggle, the more you worry he’s right.

“seeeee? i told you it wasn’t that hard!” he hums as you finish off another homework question you’d been struggling with. he can’t seem to praise you without being patronizing as fuck, either. you look up from your page momentarily to shoot him a glare.

frustration and embarrassment simmer inside of you with each of his snide remarks, but you hold yourself together and divert the attention back to studying each time. the restraint it takes not to deck him right in his pretty face is honestly deserving of a nobel peace prize.

“not bad,” he muses as you finally finish off the last of your homework, “and it only took you two and a half hours!”

“i’m floored,” you deadpan. your brain is too exhausted to formulate a more clever comeback. then you suddenly realize - “hang on... has it actually been two and a half hours? i thought you were only available for one??”

“technically,” he shrugs, “that’s when my tutoring hours end. but I wasn’t doing anything after, and you seemed like you needed the extra help.” that shitty smile is back. you can feel your blood boiling, but at the same time that... is actually pretty nice of him?

“ah... th-thanks,” you mumble, still resistant to showing any signs of weakness - much less gratitude - to the messy-haired prick.

“so, should i expect you back next week?” his stare reminds you of a cat sizing up its prey.

“uh... maybe,” you say. you honestly don’t have an answer yet. “i have to run though, i’ve got another class to get to.”

“don’t be a stranger,” he grins, “you’re gonna need a lot of help if you wanna graduate.”

you shoot him another glare as you swing your bag over your shoulder.

“i’ll think about it.”

he's still smirking at you as you walk out the door.

—

as much as you’d like to deny it, there’s not much to think about. none of the other chem tutors are available when you are, and there’s no way you’re passing the class without the extra help. and, as insufferable as he is, kuroo did help you get through your entire first week of homework successfully.

of course, you still resent having to rely on some nasty ass, pompous business major to mansplain chemistry to you every week so you can graduate. well, technically it’s not mansplaining since you don’t actually know anything about chemistry. and you technically also asked him to do it. but god, does he have to be such a dick about it??

it’s just an hour or two once a week, you reassure yourself, you can put up with it.

this is easier said than done, of course. the following monday, you begrudgingly approach the same classroom, empty except for one (1) chickenhead douchebag, who promptly stares you down with the most shiteating smile you’ve ever seen.

“oya oya~ look who decided to come back!” he croons.

“don’t flatter yourself, it’s not like I had much of a choice,” you respond flatly. why is he still looking at me with that dumb expression?

“true, there’s no way you’re passing on your own.”

“listen,” you reply pointedly, “some people have better things to do than worry about how many neutrons are on hydrogen or whatever”

“hydrogen doesn’t have any neutrons.”

“COOL!!!! i just want to graduate!!”

“well then you’re gonna need to know that hydrogen doesn’t have any neutr-”

“ALRIGHT, i got it,” you huff, “can you just… help me figure out this balancing equations shit? WITHOUT being an asshole about it?”

“hmm… sorry, i can only accept one request at a time.”

this is gonna be a long fucking semester.

a/n: eeeeee this is the first time i’ve actually wholeheartedly attempted to write a fic in lord knows how long (possibly ever?? idk them memories repressed) and my first time posting my own writing so i hope y’all like it !! everybody who’s ready to see me trash talk k*roo t*tsuro say way ho

#haikyuu!!#kuroo tetsuro #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo tetsurou x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #.txt #e writes

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snickiebear · 3 years

Note

Hi bby! 1, 2, 3, 6, 16, 27, 29, 33, 35! 🖤

mittens!!! loml!!

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

oh goodness... um, i’d say a 4?? yeah, that sounds about right, only because i often make so many tense mistakes and even when i edit there’s always something to fix. and just,,, im still learning a lot (aren’t we all). plus, sometimes the stuff i put out needs so much more work (see: my recent shisaku fic... i want to tear it up and put it back together.. ugh.. also wt&r, just everything)

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

OH GOODIE! i just... well, i wrote a lot when i was twelve-fourteenish, then kind of on and off through the years. never really had anything to ground me and get me to take writing seriously. and then i found naruto and sakura who has so much unused potential and it just made me so angry to see her treated that way.

point being, the naruto fandom (more specifically the sakura fandom) rooted me down and allowed me be able to grow as a writer even though i’ve only been posting since january my writing style has changed so much, and i can physically feel myself becoming a better writer.

plus, i just love it. the thrill of being able to use these characters and pairings and do what i want with them?? i drink it up, i love it!!! its so freeing and such a great way to really dig deep within writing itself.

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

i think its just the way i word things, you and a lot of others call it poetry but meh i just call it fancy words or word vomit from my brain AHAHHAHA

also, my thing is God Killers, God Eaters, and Angry Wrathful Women at this point, so maybe thats another thing?

but honestly,,, i have no clue... you’d have to ask my lovely readers, im so thankful for them 😭

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

plot probably. this changes often though. usually when i have an idea, the rest comes to mind and i jot it down and come back and change things and stuff, so thats usually pretty easy tbh... at least for now LMAO

and inner dialogue, inner struggles, showing the entire internal thing. its fun writing that angsty part of a story, the small insights into a character’s mind, how miserable and alone they feel. or, perhaps how happy they are, overjoyed and at peace.

OH AND WORLD BUILDING. i pride myself so much on my world building. i honestly think thats one of the better things im good at! just weaving small details into the text, and subtly building a world within your mind, oh i love it so much!!!!

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

mmmm nothing really comes to mind? men simping for women who could kick their ass? tho idk if thats really a guilty pleasure....am very fond of same age aus, sometimes mafia aus too... ummm,, yeah

(probably big dick tenzo tbh... and the fact that kakashi’s face is a legal weapon AHAHAHA,,, and broken, vunreble men. also, shattered, all consuming women.)

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

oh god... i cannot chose! you, ele, al, and hika leave the kindest comments, and literally any comment on the things i write just make me so so so so so HAPPY. i just them more than kudos tbh.

but! one comment on the intimacy of being understood i always come back to. it was left by GuardianMars and they wrote that the fic was like a “love letter to the pairing.” and that well. i think about that comment all the time.

there have been so many others comments that have utterly touched my heart and that i will go to read on terrible, horrible days and i value ALL comments. especially those who say “i’m rereading this again” or “i’ll read anything you put out” that just. there is something so intimate about that, that utter faith and loyalty that i do not know what to do with.

its so touching and makes me truly believe in the good of the world.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

yes! i am attempting to get better at writing smut because ol&w is going to have some fucking in it so i experimented in that shisaku fic and just..... yeah idk man. idk... its something i do want to get better at cause, meh why not? and i want to write some good porn for my readers damnit! HAHAHA

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

hmmm,,, probably that i stress so much and yet so little at the same time? allow me to elaborate! i stress so much about whether my writing is actually good or if people are just being nice LMAO and also posting, i get cold sweats and a thumping heart and yiKES

but also, i enjoy writing so its like “fuck you (jk ily guys) imma write what i wanna!”...do you see my issue? HAHAHA

also, im a planner. most of the time, and a lot of the details in my more serious fics (ol&w) are blink and miss details but they’re important and i LOVE foreshadowing!!!! like yes, i will vaguely mention something and itll simply come back with a vengeance!

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

aaaaaa okokok thank you for this ask LMAO i just love talking about writing and rambling (as i often do,, im a long winded person, im very sorry)!

but anyways! my summer semester just started up and i’m taking three purely online classes and the college im attending (im a dual enrollment student; meaning a high school and college kid,, taking advantage of the system!) fucked up my schedule so! im taking two TWELVE WEEK CLASSES that will end in AUGUST???? and then my fall sem starts five days later so... no summer break for nadia! yay...

writing will be very slow and updates will be too, which i am so sad and frustrated about because i’ve finally hit a paved road and now we’re driving into the forest! all bumps and bruises damnit! BUT worry not! i (as i said above, am i severe planner. every day has a plan, i am also an avid lover of lists also. i have lists for EVERYTHING) am working out a schedule so that i can get all my school shit done as soon as i can (while not failing) and write while hopefully not burning myself out.

ol&w is such an intricate fic and im truly trying to give it the justice it deserves,,, im just hoping that my dear readers can bear with me HAHAHAHA there is honestly so much going on in that fic; shikamaru’s development, the underlying plot, the hate to love build up, the world building, and then laying down the foundations for the next fic (because yes, this is supposed to be a trilogy.. question is; will i be able to write it?) (answer: maybe. hopefully. i desperately want to but it might take some time.)

BUT ASLO i have so many oneshots i want to write! kisame week! kakashi week! kibasaku long fic! and not to mention my og work that i plan on rewriting and putting up on ao3 because a few people showed some interest. there is just so much to do and write and i am itching to do it all! but. well, but school, and the exhaustion of insomnia, and the weight of stress, sigh.

shit sucks, it is what it is. but writing is like my safe haven and i just love pouring all myself into my fics and then baring my soul to you all and you take a peek and decide to keep looking. that is my favorite part of this little pocket of tumblr.

this was not really... fic related? more like a dump of issues! so sorry about that AHAHAHAH

anyways! thank you so much mittens! :)))))))))

pick my brain!

#silly things from silly friends

11 notes · View notes

taelme · 4 years

Text

Spiderman!Eric

genre: spiderman!au, friends-to-lovers!au (fluff)

pairing/s: Eric / Fem reader (ft Stray Kids Felix)

word count: 5k+

tw: mild violence like fighting yall know the drill hes spiderman

Felix 12:33am - call me - 12:33am - srsly call me now i gotta show u smth -

You picked up the (incessantly) ringing device, wondering who it was yet already knowing who it was going to be.

Seeing Felix's caller id show up on your phone screen, you sighed, swiping the call to answer it anyway, putting it at a rather ugly angle on your pillow since it was Felix, after all.

"Why are you video calling, did you press the wrong button again?" you murmured, lazily leaning on your pillow as you talked. Felix looked as if he was in some sort of living room, and that framed geodude puzzle hanging on the wall behind him was beginning to look just too familiar.

Almost as if hearing your thought process, the blonde haired boy turned his head, shouting a loud, "Eric! Come here, dude!" Making you shoot up quickly, a hand flying to your head from the throb you got after getting up too fast.

Angling your phone so you looked a little more presentable, your breath hitched when you saw Eric come into your view, with a small towel draped over his head.

Eric raised his eyebrows at Felix in confusion before spotting you on the phone, his mouth dropping open before closing quickly, smiling shyly at you with a wave.

"Hi," his voice came out soft, "sorry to disturb you so late in the night, you seem like you were about to sleep."

Even though the three of you knew it was the truth, you replied dismissively anyway, "Oh, no it's fine, really. I wasn't asleep yet anyway." You didn't miss the knowing look Felix gave you, making you shrug your shoulders while Eric got comfortable in his seat next to Felix. His sharp eyes rounding when he looked back at the screen, holding the edges of the towel draped over his head with a certain hint of excitement in his expression.

"Are you ready for this? probably not but we're gonna show you anyway, okay, Eric, one, two....three!" Felix practically tore the towel off of Eric's head, revealing a bright blue head of hair, making your eyes widen, Felix giving the phone to Eric when the blue haired boy held his hand out expectantly after seeing your reaction.

"That's.....bright."

"Do you...." Eric's gaze travelled elsewhere (anywhere but at you, really) as his fingers smoothed down the parts of his hair that got ruffled in the process of Felix's dramatic reveal. "Do you uh...you know, like it?" he asked, flicking and pulling at his hair in an attempt to make it more presentable, thought you felt it was fine.

"I do! yeah! i mean, it looks great!" you were quick to reassure him, enjoying the smile that appeared on his face, relieved almost.

"What made you wanna do that suddenly?" Eric was about to reply when Felix cut in quickly, his face appearing on the screen and covering anything else visible.

"For the fun of it, you know?" Felix shrugged, "Me and my friends used to do stuff like this all the time in Australia," you rolled your eyes.

"So you just convinced Eric to bleach and dye his hair for fun?"

Eric's voice sounded behind Felix, "I thought maybe it was time to try something different for a change, or something," Felix nodded vigorously, smiling widely.

"That's cool," you heard a commotion on the other side of the phone, though you kept talking anyway, figuring it was a normal occurrence for them, "it really looks great, by the way-"

"Okay that's enough, Y/N. Time to go to sleep, bye!" Felix hung up the call before you could say goodbye. Sighing, you set your phone back down on the table, staring at the ceiling for a while trying to figure out why you were so affected by Eric just having different hair when your phone rang with a notification alarm.

Picking it up, you saw Eric had sent you a photo, opening it to see a picture that he'd taken of himself with a snorlax plushie, caption being 'we kind of look the same now, right?'

You laughed, replying him quickly to say he looked absolutely the same, though not surprised at the 'goodnight' text you'd received shortly after.

Eric was nice to you, and everyone else, you supposed.

===

"Hey dude, that's not very nice," Eric called in a voice that sounded genuinely upset at what was unfolding in the alley beneath him. Despite his lack of combat training (unless you counted fake ‘mma’ matches with Felix as training), as well as the fact that the man was probably twice Eric's size, Eric knew that that couldn't matter right now because whoever that could try to mug an old lady, was a dick. (and should be stopped, of course)

Shooting a web to the opposite apartment building, Eric swung down, landing smoothly in front of the mugger and using his webs to trap him against the wall, leaving him about half a minute to get this old lady whatever she needed.

If Eric was expecting any thanks, he should have thought again because this old lady was practically hysterical that some red and blue spider looking thing had just rescued her from being mugged.

"Ma'am please calm down, it’s okay,” Eric pleaded in his 'Spiderman' voice, only successfully doing so when he pushed up his mask enough to reveal his mouth.

"See? i'm a human! i'm a human boy! Nothing to worry about Ma'am,” Eric waved his hands as reassuringly as he could, calling the police to inform them of the mugger before shooting a few more webs on him as a precaution before bringing the old lady out into the town area. “Please be safe....and try not to walk through alleys next time!”

Swinging himself back onto the roof where he'd tossed his backpack previously, Eric checked the time on his phone, 7:20am, almost time for school. If he left now, he could probably still make it back by 7:30. Thank God he didn't listen to Felix when he tried to convince him not to bring his school uniform to his trips.

Eric was practically sprinting into the school, panting and clothes wrinkled from being wadded up in his backpack for so long, trying his best to slip into the class unnoticed to his desk was next to yours.

Twirling your pen as you tried to remain inconspicuous so the teacher wouldn't notice that Eric had jut arrived, he'd made that a little harder when he'd kneed the table in his hurry to sit down, thankfully going unnoticed by the teacher.

"You're early," you smirked, hearing him grunt in reply, chest still heaving from his trip here. (Eric would have figured that being Spiderman meant he wouldn't get winded from stairs so easily).

Tugging the sleeves of his shirt down, hooking a finger at his collar to pull it away from his neck and fanning himself with his other hand, the blue haired boy shrugged with a breathy laugh, "Sure am.” He told you, sticking his tongue out at you before turning his attention back to the teacher.

You scribbled down notes lazily, trying not to get distracted by the way Eric looked so different with this new hair, even if half of it was hidden under a baseball cap. Getting bored after a while, you shifted your attention to the screen, feeling yourself slowly start to let your vision blur, almost giving into sleep when you felt someone nudge your elbow, turning to see Eric was trying to pass you a small yellow post-it note.

Taking the note and pasting it onto your notebook, it read: -which one are you gonna sign up for?-

Turning your head to face Eric, you nudged him, seeing him jump slightly in his seat before a small huff of laughter left his lips. “Hmm?” his eyebrows raised, pen halting its movements against his paper.

“Sign up for what?”

There was a moment of silence where Eric looked as though you’d just told him his dog died before he leaned his head forward abruptly, eyebrows furrowing in confusion and mouth gaping slightly, “Sign up for what?” he asked you.

Rolling your eyes yet not being able to help the smile from your face, you shoved the - now crumpled - note into his hand. “This! Weren’t you the one that asked me?” you whisper-shouted, a hand moving to grip at your hair in mock frustration.

Eric’s expression softened, mouth forming an ‘o’ shape in realization, “Oh, right. Yeah, which internship position are you gonna sign up for?” he pointed to the board at the front of the class, where the teacher had written down various internship positions at different companies.

“What’s this for?” you glanced at Eric’s notebook to see if he’d written anything useful about it, seeing his small neat handwriting of

‘different day, different company take different day -’

Eric was quick to shield his notebook from you, choosing to distract you by pointing his pen to the direction of the board while he tried to make himself look less flustered at the fact that you could have just seen how he’d written that he wanted to take a different attachment day from you so it would be easier to have lunch with you.

“You see, we’re supposed to choose one,” he explained, closing his notebook and shoving it into his bag while you were looking at the board. “I think i’m gonna choose Monday’s,” he started slowly, “You know, since i like that, and you don’t...”

Your gaze went to the Monday slot on the board, seeing that it was something to do with sports and you made a face of disgust, shaking your head.

“You’re right, i don’t like that. I was thinking of maybe Wednesday?” you pointed at the area on the board to direct his attention there, seeing him nod, a soft smile threatening to appear.

“Great then, we’ll still have lunch breaks to spend together!”

“You think Felix will join us?” you bypassed his implication, making him press his lips together in a tight line.

“Eh, up to him, he’s welcome to whenever he wants,” Eric shrugged, not averse to the idea but not completely for it either. Felix was his best friend but...sometimes he was a little too obvious with the whole spider thing.

"Nice," you smiled to yourself, scribbling down quickly onto your notebook about the details of your internship, the thought of work reminding you of Eric's part-time job.

"Right, are you working today?"

Eric had almost forgotten that he had told you about his 'part-time job', if you counted roaming around the streets of your neighbourhood looking for crime to stop dressed in a body suit as a part-time job.

"I work everyday, the city never sleeps Y/N," he sighed dramatically, shaking his head at his textbook wistfully.

"What are you even talking about you work at a pet shop, i'm pretty sure that part of the city does sleep." Eric waved you off dismissively, not being able to help the tiny giggle that slipped from his mouth, his hands coming up to his hair in embarrassment but only coming in contact with the material of his cap, forgetting he was even wearing it.

"Also, are you forgetting something?"

Eric furrowed his eyebrows, tapping his pen on his notebook, trying to figure out what exactly it was he was forgetting. Was it your birthday? no, it can't be, Eric remembered there was still months to go before that. Maybe it's movie night again? Eric frowned, no, we had that yesterday.

"I give up," the blue-haired boy finally slumped his shoulders, dropping his pen onto the table and holding his hands out to you in a begging gesture. "What was it that i forgot this time?" he pouted, trying his best to ease his way out of trouble if you were angry at him.

Pushing the flyaway strands of your hair away from your face haphazardly as you turned to him, you mustered a look of disgust, "You were supposed to help me write my article about Spiderman for the newspaper club!" you frowned, hands finding their way to your hips. A look of realization flashed over Eric's features, making you sigh.

"I knew you'd forget, you're always busy with baseball or your job or playing games with Felix, it's a wonder you even agreed to help me with that paper in the first place." you sighed.

"Look, i'm really sorry it just slipped my mind...let me make it up to you?" he pleaded, earning a dirty look from you.

"Lunch is on you," you decided.

Eric's expression relaxed visibly, glad that that was what you'd decided on as a compensation, nodding his head at you with a smile, "Deal."

===

"And you're sure you don't need me to walk you back?" Felix asked, though you knew both him and his friend Changbin were hoping you would say no so they could head over to the computer cafe to play games.

You shot them a look, eyes narrowing at them as you gripped your laptop tighter in your arm, shooting Felix a tight-lipped smile.

"It's fine, if anything i'll just call Eric," Felix opened and closed his mouth quickly as if stopping himself from saying something, deciding on nodding firmly at you, waving goodbye to let you leave. Eric hadn't told you where the pet-shop was but you figured it didn't matter anyway since you never visited him there, but little did you know tonight you wouldn't have to.

"Hey! Stop!" You heard the clanging of bins and the heavy thudding of running footsteps, looking around to find the source of the sound when you saw someone running past you, knocking into you slightly but the impact causing them to lose their balance and stumble onto the floor. You figured he wasn't that innocent with the cds that had spilled out from his jacket when he fell. So you did what you figured anyone would've done in this situation, you stepped on his chest.

You heard a gust of wind before a light thud in front of where you and the man were, your breath getting caught in your throat when you realized that Spiderman was in front of you.

"I told you not to run, you can get all these cds at a sale!" the masked boy had waved his hands exasperatedly, squatting down and looking up at you when he'd seen that the man - or boy, he looked like he couldn't be much older than you -was still being held down by your leg. In your shock you had pressed your leg harder onto the boy, making him let out a pained groan which fell on your deaf ears.

"Uh..." Spiderman cleared his throat, and your eyes widened expectantly, not realizing your foot was still on the boy's chest until Spiderman gestured a covered finger towards it.

"Oh! sorry, i just you know, thought it would help keep him down.." you blurted, removing your leg quickly and taking a step back from the boy. Spiderman cleared his throat, mustering a deeper, more authoritative voice, or his 'Spiderman voice' as Felix liked to call it.

"Thanks for helping me stop this guy, i really owe you one." Spiderman told you, making you flush, shaking your head at him out of courtesy.

"No problem....Spiderman?" Said boy let out a small giggle, sounding oddly familiar to you but you were too busy observing him clear away the cds and let the boy go to say anything.

"Don't do it again or i'm telling your mom!" you frowned in confusion as you watched the boy scramble off the floor and run off.

"His mom?"

"His mom's the owner of the bakery across the street from the cd shop, she'd kill him if she knew he was doing this." Spiderman stood up, dusting the knees of his suit before turning to you, and you were practically itching to remove his mask.

"So.....kind citizen, how may i repay you?" he said, sounding an awful lot like he was in a period drama, making you laugh, though you couldn't say you had no idea what you wanted him to do either.

He spent a solid minute shifting his weight from leg to leg while waiting for your answer. "What's your name?"

"E-" Spiderman stopped himself, lengthening the vowel so he sounded like he meant to scold you instead. "Foul play, pretty citizen," Eric mentally slapped himself for being so gullible, resisting the urge to scream when you tilted your head at him, not sure why the sudden confidence was taking over you in front of the masked superhero.

"Pretty?" Spiderman was thankful for the mask hiding his face because he was sure he'd never felt so hot underneath the mask.

"Not a valid question, next," he blurted quickly, making you laugh.

"It's okay, Spiderman. You probably don’t have time to answer my questions anyway,” this struck a cord with Eric, feeling as though you were talking to him instead of just talking to Spiderman, rushing to your side and waving his hands in dismissal, “No, noo! I do have time! I’m on duty right now, i’m making sure you get home safely!” he assured you, a skeptical expression making its way onto your face.

“On duty, huh?” you repeated, “Say, Spiderman, you couldn’t possibly explain to me why you became Spiderman in the first place, could you?” you asked, seeing his hand go up to his head, unconsciously starting to walk together with you in the direction back to your place.

“You know, i didn’t know exactly, either. I just thought...it’d be nice to try to make a difference in this town, even if it was just a small difference.”

“I think you’re pretty cool,” you spoke, your gaze still directed forward, looking at the glow of the buildings cast from streetlamps, “What you do, i mean,” you corrected.

“You do?” He replied a little too quickly, clearing his throat before shrugging, “I mean, yeah, it’s just...what it is.”

“You don’t mind, right?” you asked, “Me asking you all these questions. I mean, i heard from my friend Eric that you’re a pretty low-key guy so i was kind of shocked you were actually going along with my questions,” you adjusted your grip on the things you were carrying, shoulders starting to feel sore from carrying them for so long.

“Here, lemme get that for you.” Spiderman reached his hand over to try to take your things, but you were quick to refuse, “There’s really no need for that, i’m fine-“

“I’m only helping a kind citizen after a long day,” he shrugged, and when he put it that way, oh, how tempting it was. So you did let him carry your things, besides, no one would know. Especially not Eric, oh Eric would tease you for days if he found out Spiderman carried your laptop and books home for you.

“Are you embarrassed?” Spiderman asked you, and because of how familiar he felt, his Spiderman voice was gone, and strangely, you didn’t even notice. You shook your head vigorously, letting your hair cover your face before finally squeaking out a, “Okay, maybe a little bit.”

You heard Spiderman let out a small huff of laughter, “That’s cute.”

Your head snapped around quickly so you could glare at him, turning onto the street of your house, “Is it part of your job description to flirt with kind citizens?”

He shrugged, and Eric wasn’t sure where he’d gained this new-found confidence around you but he was strangely thankful for it, “Maybe only the ‘you’ kind of kind citizens?” he laughed, realizing you had reached your house already.

“My friend Eric’s gonna be stoked if i tell him i met you.” you smiled, taking your things back from Spiderman, seeing him step back and nod at you. “Sure is,” he told you.

You couldn’t help but find what he said similar to what Eric usually says to you, not being able to help yourself with your next statement.

“You know...you kind of remind me of him,” you adjusted your bag strap on your shoulders, scrutinizing his mask before shaking your head, “Nevermind, pretend i never said anything. Goodnight, Spiderman,” you smiled, waving at him.

Whipping your phone out, you went to yours and Eric’s chat

10:43pm -you would not BELIEVE who i just saw-

===

Eric wasn't sure what kind of stupid had posessed him to say he'd enjoy hearing about your encounter with Spiderman, but he'd decided after the 3rd time of hearing the same story repeated to different people that he really hated it. I mean, it wasn't as if Eric wasn't Spiderman, it was just hearing you say over and over again that Spiderman was so 'cute!' and 'kind!' and 'had a great butt!' was just starting to get on Eric's nerves, knowing you would never describe him that way.

You'd found Eric's reaction to your Spiderman story rather unusual, since you was usually so used to Eric being excited to tell you about Spiderman and what he 'researched' about him. But you figured maybe he was just tired of hearing the same story. Not that you cared but still.

You were currently seated at the bistro that you, Felix and Eric frequented, spread out across the cushions of your usual booth, your legs spread out in front of you while Felix chose to squeeze with Eric.

Felix's phone had buzzed, and the boy's eyes lit up upon reading the message. "You guys going for the halloween party? One of my friends just sent me the details."

"Halloween party? Like the one we went to last year?" you leaned forward in an attempt to read from Felix's phone.

"The one i went dressed as a princess for?" Eric's eyes widened and you laughed at the memory.

"Yep," Felix nodded, "Its being thrown by the same person, so you guys are invited too."

"Oh my god, we should coordinate our outfits this year too!" Felix cheered, earning a mock look of disgust from you, but nodding nonetheless.

"Wait, maybe not. Cause i was thinking about going as Spiderman," Felix continued.

You let out a satisfied sound at Felix's mention of Spiderman. "I'm telling you, Felix, there's something about Spiderman that's just so.....so-it gets me, you know what i mean?" you spoke, gaze directed at the tv screen in the bistro.

Felix exchanged a knowing look with Eric, whose eyes widened and slurped his drink hurriedly. You were waiting for Felix reply when Eric had handed you his powerbank, asking if you could help him put it in his bag, only realizing a little too late that he'd forgotten to specify which pocket of his bag. And it wasn't as if he could risk having you see his crumpled up Spiderman suit in there.

Bending down and unzipping the back pocket of his bag, you shuffled around for his pouch before catching a flash of red and blue latex at the bottom of the bag, your hand withdrawing from the material when you realized the implications of it, just as you heard Eric add in a, "Front pocket, please."

As if the timing couldn't be any better, you heard Felix chime in with what he thought about Spiderman.

"I mean, when you think about it, i'd say he's pretty similar with Er- ouch!" Felix glared at Eric, mouthing for him to trust him before you sat up, furrowing your eyebrows at Felix, "Nothing, just hit the table adjusting my legs," he told you casually.

"Anyway as i was saying, i think he's pretty similar to Eric," you frowned, the new knowledge of what was in Eric's bag making you think of the incident happening with Eric in Spiderman's place, the idea threatening to make your face heat up.

"Oh my God, no no, don't make it weird, shut up, Felix," you dismissed the thought quickly, not wanting Eric to feel uncomfortable as well, since after all, you did say Spiderman had a cute butt.

Eric looked at you with a confused expression, before grinning quickly and laughing along with you. "Yeah....shut up, Felix," Eric looked down into his smoothie, hoping the shadow would hide his blush.

"You guys suck, i'm speaking some truth here, you know?" Felix huffed, sinking further into his seat, Eric simply choosing to shrug as a reply.

"Whatever, Felix. Just text me the details of the party, i'm gonna head back to my office now. Lunch break's almost over," you told them, Eric nodding in reply, while Felix gave you a wave, shooing you away.

Felix turned to his friend once you'd left, nudging the boy on the shoulder. Eric slumped onto the cushion of the booth, groaning loudly, attracting attention from some of the diners.

"I'm screwed. She's gonna fall for Spiderman and then they're gonna get married and then she's gonna see me as her stupid friend for the rest of her life," Eric whined, making Felix frown in confusion, an amused lilt to his tone when he replied.

"Bro, i think you're forgetting a really important detail..." Eric's head whipped around so he could glare at Felix for interrupting his crisis.

"What now, Felix?"

"You are Spiderman, dude!" Eric's mouth formed an 'o' shape in realization, eyebrows raising as he straightened up in his seat, taking a long sip from his smoothie.

"Right, forgot." Eric stared pensively at Felix, "But how am i supposed to reveal that to her? What kind of elaborate plan can i possibly make?" Eric pouted, earning a grin from Felix.

Shrugging, the blonde haired boy spoke, twirling the un-used straw between his fingers, "Who knows, maybe it'll be easier than you think."

Which was worse, to have shown up at the halloween party with Felix dressed as Spiderman, or the fact that Eric was nowhere to be seen, you couldn't decide. You'd been calling Eric multiple times that night, but a sudden bank robbery had taken Eric from you that night.

"Will you at least help me bring my costume?" he had blurted hurriedly to Felix, who was already dressed in his Spiderman costume. Nodding to appease Eric, Felix waved his hands in dismissal.

"Dude, really, don't worry about it, i got you covered. Just go do what you have to do," Eric had nodded, already rushing to leave.

"And remember to turn off your phone!"

"Already did!" Eric called back.

He didn't.

Now Eric was fighting a robber with Ariana Grande's voice singing ‘One Last Time’ blasting out of his pocket.

Holding the robber off with a kick, the burly man stumbling back slightly, Eric saw the caller id as your name.

Picking up the phone quickly, trying to divert the robber's attention by jumping from place to place to tire him out. "Eric, where are you? You said you'd be here an hour ago!" you sounded more than disappointed, making Eric let out a small groan.

"I'm sorry! Really, just-something came up, and i needed to," he let out a small grunt when he'd landed on the floor a little ungracefully, "settle it. I swear, i'll be there soon."

"The party's getting boring without you, if you're not there in 30 minutes i'm leaving!" you announced, hanging up quickly. Eric whined loudly, dodging a punch from the robber as he put his phone back.

"Look man, I really don't have time for this right now," Eric threw a few webs around the man to stop him from moving, removing the mask from the man's face. "Remember to smile for your mug shot!" he laughed, dialing the police before leaving quickly, shooting webs and swinging himself from apartment building to apartment building, desperately trying to get to the party before you left.

Calling Felix was no use, the boy was already lost in the party, probably even forgetting he had a phone with how much fun he was having. It was only when Eric saw Felix over at the ping pong table did he manage to get his attention.

The blonde boy turned around, "Oh what, same costume? Not cool, man," Felix groaned, earning an eyeroll from Eric that he couldn't see anyway. "Felix, its me," Eric told him.

Felix stared blankly at the suit-clad boy before realization struck him, "Oh!" he shouted, immediately taking Eric aside into the nearest room he could find, ripping off Eric's mask and letting out a loud gasp when he saw the bruise on Eric's jaw.

"That looks rough, what happened?"

"No time for that right now, Felix, where's Y/N?" Eric made as if to go find you but was stopped by Felix's arms on his shoulders. "Woah, man, no way i'm letting you go around with this bruise on your face."

"It's fine, I'll just wear my mask."

Felix gave him an uncertain look, looking fairly hesitant but shaking his head disapprovingly, "Last i checked she was in the kitchen? But i'd suggest you avoid the crowd now, they're gonna lose their shit when they realize Spiderman is here."

Eric groaned, knowing Felix was right, which was why Felix didn't have a mask on. "Okay, i'll just go wait on the rooftop. Just give me a text when you find her."

Eric swung himself onto the roof with ease after leaving the building briefly. Putting on his mask, he lay down on the floor of the roof, starting to feel tired from fighting.

Pulling his phone from his pocket, he saw that you'd sent him more texts asking where he was.

In his fatigued haze, he didn't bother thinking when he'd replied you,

9:50pm -im at the rooftop-

Putting his phone aside, Eric looked at the sky through the muffled view he got through his mask, too tired to process the sound of the rooftop doors opening until he heard your voice.

"Felix? What the hell are you doing here? Eric told me i could find him here and when i get here he's not here again," you stomped your foot weakly, sitting down next to what you assumed was Felix's lying form.

"Stupid Eric," you huffed, "You even told me he was definitely gonna be here! All i wanted was a nice night with stupid cute Eric and have a good time but it's just not going how i wanted it to go."

"How did you want it to go then?" Eric finally spoke, making your breath get caught in your throat when you realized the person next to you really wasn't Felix.

"Er-" you stopped yourself, not sure if you wanted to let him know you knew just yet. Though at this point, Eric was too tired to bother about that.

"Spiderman?" Eric huffed at the name.

"That's me, good ol' friendly neighbourhood Spiderman," he shrugged, sitting up and reaching a hand to fiddle with the material covering his calf.

"I'm sure whoever this Eric person is, he probably didn't mean to leave you here without a reason, you know?"

You stared at him in disbelief, narrowing your eyes at him. "Uh-huh," you crossed your arms over your chest, "Just kinda sucks when you have the boy you like right in front of you still lying to your face," you shrugged.

"What?" Eric tilted his head in confusion, caught off guard when you reached a hand over to yank his mask off of his head.

"That's better," you smiled, enjoying the shocked look on Eric's face, his now slightly faded blue hair sticking up in various places because of the mask.

"How are you not shocked?" Eric spoke, hands waving around frantically, expecting a much more extreme reaction from you than what he had gotten.

"To be honest with you, I knew since that day at the bistro when i was putting your stuff back into your bag. Saw your suit," you explained, seeing him lie back down, his hands covering his face.

"God, i'm really stupid, aren't i?" Eric removed his hands, revealing his giddy smile to you. "To save your last bit of pride, i'm not answering that," you smiled back.

"Correct me if i'm wrong," Eric began, his gaze on the mask you fiddled with in your hands. "You know, sometimes it's hard to hear under the mask, but....did i hear you refer to me as the boy you like?"

"Nope," you said, face completely serious as you watched Eric's expression fall, "Oh,"

"Eric, i'm kidding. I totally did." Eric's hand moved to cover the lower half of his face, blush creeping onto his cheeks.

"Good, cause you're the girl i like too," he told you casually. Making your mouth gape open in shock.

"Is it just me or does your confidence just become crazy whenever you put on this suit?" you told him with a laugh.

"Maybe," he shrugged, "you know, Spiderman's a real lady killer." You laughed, shaking your head at him. "Oh, i'm sure."

You were sat in-between the open space of his legs, with himself still lying on the ground, "He's got all sorts of tricks, it'd be hard to resist him at all, not my words, his," you scoffed. Eric was having fun with this, finally feeling fully comfortable and at ease after the unnecessary worrying about what you would think.

"Care to demonstrate said tricks?" Eric placed a hand on his chin thoughtfully, pretending to consider your challenge, his ‘Spiderman' confidence taking over him as he shot a web to the wall facing him, "gladly," he told you. Using the wall as leverage, he lifted himself to sitting position and pressed a soft kiss to your lips.

Pulling away and standing up quickly as if nothing had happened, he shot you a smile as he held his hand out to help you up.

"Real lady killer, isn't he?"

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atrixfromice · 4 years

Note

What are some French swear words?

Ooh I remember when I signed up on tumbrl and I was really excited with the idea people were able to ask me questions here, heheh And now I have my questions piled up, oh my! I feel shame of myself! *blushes and hides her face under her hands * So that's why I'm trying to catch up with the questions people have given me.

This one made me laugh a lot and blush a lot at the same time! HEHEHEH! Mostly because when you said “swear words" I imagined me saying such words and being red like a tomato while doing it! XD

It will be ok if I ask you a question before replying your question?...because I’m very curious!

Why would you want to know swear words in French in the first place?

In general it’s something people asks me very otfen when I tell them I know french, it’s pretty hilarious and intriguing.

Specially, your question it’s so funny, because when I starting learning french I thought I absolutely didn’t wanted to learn french swear words and I was avoiding them like the plague! I avoided the sites I thought might contain them so I couldn’t find them. Bu I never thought youtube could have them. I watched videos of my favorite cartoons in french on youtube to practice my hearing, and the videos didn’t had them, so I thought I was safe....but the comments people made had swear words in them sometimes, cos teen french used them for everything! O_O like if they were common words like “ok” or “hey”.

Then I tried to leave youtube and other sites, and stay just on deviantart and comment some french artists pieces to practice my writting, but many teenager native french on deviantart talked like that was well. They literally cound’t start a phrase without a swear word on it! XD

So at the end I ended up accepting that was part of french culture, wether I liked or and I coudn’t escape of that heheh

And I chilled up a bit. Mostly because I realized the French tend to be pretty open about them. They don’t see them as shocking words or to offend someone, they use them more like a wildcard for their phrases, specially young ones.

That said, I still don’t like swear words and I’m still not in favor of teaching people this kind of stuff because I think it’s not really useful. But I encourage the curiosity of learning another language, and I like people being inquisitive, so lets see what I can do.

If you google for “swear words in french” you’ll find a lot. So I think it will be a lot cooler to know stuff you don’t learn in books nor in the web, but in real life talking ( or writting moslty in my case, although I have had the chance to talk too) with other french! Like how you can use swear words in an elegant way, or using euphemisms. So you can use them without anybody gasping and being schocked at it.

I will start with the softest ones and gradually go to some that are stronger. well, as much as being an artists who works on family entertaintment field lets me at least *chuckles*

Sacrebleu!

This one means “ sacred blue” and it comes from the time on 19 century when people referred to Mary’s bue dress, and used it as an exclamation expression. And people considered it a swear word because they believed saying that was taking her name in vain. This one probably you have heard it already a lot of times on french themed movies or shows. And it really isn’t a swear word on nowadays. It could be an equivalent of “darn” in english.

It’s an outdated one though. No french says it since a pretty good time. But I think it’s a very cool and funny one, it sounds cool! So I couldn’t help including it here hehe

I think it would be great if people in nowadays would want to say it!

Nom d’un chien!

It comes from "Nom de dieu” which in the 19 century was considered a swear word, because people had the belief to mention God’s name on an exclamation phrase was a bad thing because they were “taking God’s name in vain”. Also, some people use “chien” to refer to the word in french for S***.

Still in use, but mostly by elderly people.

Flûte!

This one means literally “flute”, the instrument. But I love it because it’s so hilarious how if well used, it can become an exclamation expression with F word because it resembles very much to the F word in french. And it’s ok to say it on rated G material! As I’ve seen on french comic books and movies. So you can actually use it on your rated G work, and it sounds more like what a genuine french would say than “sacrebleu“.

Still in use by all french, but specially middle aged and mature people.

Diantre

Means “dammit”, and it’s used very often, specially by mature aged people, as an exclamacion expression of surprise or anger. Like: “Damn! I forgot my car’s keys!” “Diantre! J'ai oublié mes clés de voiture!”

Not very used by the younger ones though, but it’s a cool one! I think people should use it more!

Bordel

A mess.This word literally means bordello or brothel, and is used in that sense as well.

“Bordel” is one of my favorite french words despite being considered a swear word, because it’s not much an offensive word like other swear words. Its more like a word most commonly used in exclamation expressions like “Like oh ****! That movie was incredible!!” “Oh bordel! Ce film à ete incroyable!”

Or talking about something being messy or sloppy, like “my table was really a mess after cooking”, "Ma table etait un vrai bordel après avoir cuisiné”.

You can also use this one as an expression of rage to someone, like “****! why did you beat up my brother?! “Bordel!

There are also some other words that are used with the purpose of being offensive. Like for example:

Dégage !

Get out of my way! /**** off! The verb dégager used to suggest movement – especially that of expulsing something – in non-obscene contexts, as well. As a swear word, it actually really depends on the way a person uses it. It would never be polite to say to someone if you want them to get out of your way, but it can range from “Move!” or “Get out of my way!” to “Fuck off!” depending on how angry/frustrated the speaker is.

Dégueulasse (sometimes shortened to “Dégueu”).

Disgusting/repugnant. This can refer to a thing, a person, an action, a situation, etc. It’s used all the time, especially on reality TV and by teens across France, and is only moderately obscene. Still, when in polite company, use its perfectly above-board sibling, dégoûtant(e), instead. I say this from experience.

Ta gueule

Shut the ****/hell up! This expression comes from the phrase “Ferme ta gueule“, that means literally “shut up your snout”, but it’s so frequently used that just the last two words are necessary now.

Like some of the other words on this list, this one’s power seems to vary depending on the context and, especially, the tone of the speaker. It’s often used in French comedies when a person is getting angry or upset – and in those cases, where it doesn’t seem particularly violent or full of loathing, it could be best translated as “Shut the hell up!” or even simply “Shut up!”.

On the other hand, if the person saying it is doing so in an aggressive way, it could probably be better translated as “Shut the fuck up!”

Se taire

Means “Shut up!” Like its English counterpart, this isn’t so much obscene, as impolite. “Tais-toi” is the most common form.

Chier

Means to defecate, but in a vulgar way, so it’s the equivalent of the word S*** in english. Even if this one IS a strong swear word, I added it here because it's use in french it’s very interesting and fascinating to me . It’s a word that isn’t only be used as an insult, but it also can be used to express when something or someone it’s annoying, or just plain boring.

“Faire chier" A wonderful, versatile expression that ultimately shows annoyance. If used reflexively (most commonly Je me fais chier) it means to be fucking bored or annoyed.

Faire chier, is also a common expression that means to “piss off someone” to make someone mad.This comment I found from someone who traveled to paris was very interesting:

“This is an expression I heard a lot last time I went to Paris. Every time a train was cancelled, I could hear lots of “ils font vraiment chier !”

À chier

s***ty/garbage. Le film était à chier. The movie was s***ty.

Chiant(e)

Bloody annoying.

This can be used to describe a living being; Je ne veux pas voir Sandra et son chien – ils sont chiants tous les deux ! I don’t want to see Sandra and her dog – they’re both bloody annoying !

Or a situation

Sa mère lui a dit qu’il doit assister au repas familial au lieu de venir au bar avec nous vendredi soir ? C’est chiant.

His mom told him he has to have dinner with his family instead of going out to the bar with us on Friday night? That’s bloody annoying.

There are a lot of others, but I think those ones are out of my budget *chuckles* Also, they’re a lot! XD So maybe, if you wanna know more about this subjet you can drop me a message :)

I’m not fan of explaining this stuff, but I know if I don’t you will research online and probably will get incorrect info, and then you will be mocked by people because of that, and it will be embarassing. And I don’t wanna be the responsible of that, hehe

In the other hand, I don’t blame you for wanting to know swear words in french, cos it’s true all words sound so beautiful and elegant in french, even the most vulgar and obscene ones XD That’s something I adore from French language and always amazes me!

Don’t believe me? Here’s a proof (and yes those are actual french swear words.)

By the way, I loved the analogy from Matrix of “wiping your ass with silk” XD Very fitting and very hilarious. I for my part would say, hearing swear words in french its like being slapped with a rose petal. You know it’s meant to be a bad thing, yet it’s so nice to hear, it sounds like if they were saying poetry! XD

#atrix replies #asks me anything #French learning #the french side of tumblr #oh my why french is so nice even the swear words #french lovers #french fan #send me asks #ask me anything

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wincore · 5 years

Text

easy to love | na jaemin

pairing: jaemin x reader

words: 3.1k

prompt: animejaem sent: jaemin + organizing a valentine’s party together when reader has the BIGGEST crush on him 🥰

genre: college!au, friends-to-lovers!au, a whole lotta fluff

warnings: uhhh does pining count?

a/n: i’ll be posting the requests in between my larger projects !!

You think Valentine’s Day isn’t worth the hype. Simple things like chocolates and flowers are way more expensive than on literally any other day, the only movies on TV are the ones that make you gag, you can’t go out without feeling awkward and the holiday is just generally pointless. If you’re in love, why do you need a specific day to show your love, and why does it last for only a day? How do you even convert an act of love into material commodity? It doesn’t seem to have any personal meaning, neither does it seem to make a relationship any better. To conclude you are not terribly fond of Valentine’s Day, and your plans only ever consist of binge watching and consuming a higher amount of unhealthy snacks.

But sometimes you have an exception to not going out on this day, and that exception is Na Jaemin.

You wake up groggy to a text from Jaemin asking you to help him organize the Valentine’s Day gathering you have among friends (and ‘friends’ also include friends of your friends who will inevitably barge in and ultimately, the entire student body will be there) followed by a series of smile emojis and pleading eyes emojis. You’d make up an excuse to refuse, but it’s Jaemin—Jaemin, whose smile alone makes your cheeks red, who you can’t help but stare at during classes, whose voice, even if it’s over the phone, is enough to make your heart warm and jittery.

I’ll be there in an hour, you text him as your feet touch the cold ground beside your bed. You sigh deeply, placing your face in your hands and curse yourself. If it weren’t for your overwhelming affections, you could be enjoying a few more hours of sleep. Everything still feels hazy as you rub the sleep from your eyes and weigh the pros and cons of your decision. It’s far too early to walk to Jaemin’s place but clearly he doesn’t have any sense of time. And neither do you, apparently, as you walk sluggishly towards your washroom to get ready.

The cold breeze brushes your cheeks as you make your way towards Jaemin’s place, fortunately only a few minutes’ walk away. The clouds, painted with the colour of the night, follow your steps and you know that they’ll be a watery red soon, when the sun decides to peek its face into your corner of the world. The only times you notice these things are when you’re alone, or when Jaemin points them out to you. He’s more observant than people give him credit for and while you’re glad you’re the one who mostly gets to see that, you wish he’d share more with the world. In a city where summer is yet to come, you can only hope for the best as the usual thoughts plague your mind. Should you try spilling your feelings to Jaemin this Valentine’s? Maybe with some chocolates to further sweeten the bittersweet aftertaste they leave in your mouth?

Don’t ring the doorbell, Jaemin texts you when you’re standing outside his door.

You don’t have to wait long before the door swings open with more force than Jaemin probably anticipated as he cringes at the sudden ‘bang!’ and pulls you in wordlessly. He places a finger over his lips, lets out a soft ‘shh!’ and walks up the stairs, with you trailing behind him.

“I would’ve come over, but your roommates would freak out,” Jaemin whispers when you’re inside his room.

“Anyone would freak out if they spot someone knocking on their window in the middle of the night!”

“I didn’t mean to do that,” Jaemin grins, rubbing the back of his head.

The room is barely lit, but you can see his messy hair, the tip of his nose and the curved corner of his lips illuminated by the table lamp. He looks at you expectantly, as if waiting for some sort of response but you don’t know what he’s expecting. You don’t know the number of times you’ve found yourself in Jaemin’s presence when the stars are still shining bright in the night sky, but one of these nights made you realize where your emotions lie. The tempo of your heartbeat goes overboard if you look at him long enough, if you think about him long enough. That’s why you mostly resort yourself to acting as if nothing’s wrong, ignoring the unnecessary flow of thoughts and being a friend that didn’t make things awkward.

“Classes start in three hours,” you tell Jaemin, “Why couldn’t we discuss then?”

“Because there’s too many people then,” he complains, “And we barely have that many classes together.”

“So?”

Jaemin pouts. “So you don’t wanna help me?”

“Why should I, Na Jaemin?” your eyes crinkle as you lean back on his bed.

Jaemin hums, pretending to think. “Because of all the times I helped you skip class? Or because I give you my notes every time you ask?”

You sit back up, scrunching your eyebrows. Jaemin places a finger on his chin and continues his exaggerated acting.

“Also I helped you hide when you accidentally broke the window to the Dean’s office. Oh! Remember that time in high school when we first—”

“Okay, okay! I wasn’t actually asking for a descriptive essay,” you cut in.

Jaemin grins. You knew you’d listen to him from the moment you read his text, his winning smile means nothing to you.

“So what’s the plan?” you ask, tilting your head to one side.

“This year’s theme is,” Jaemin pauses to think. “Love yourself!”

You quirk an eyebrow. “Love yourself?”

“Yeah. It’s better for the kids who don’t feel loved or popular, you know?” he says. “Besides, I’m tired of couples making out wherever.”

“Okay, Mr. Class Rep. It’s all up to you,” you say, “But why do we have to plan at this ungodly hour and a day early?”

“They didn’t inform me earlier,” he frowns.

You narrow your eyes at him.

“And I had too much coffee so I couldn’t sleep, yeah.”

You smack your forehead.

“Jaemin, I warned you about your obsession so many times.”

Jaemin huffs. “We’re getting off course!”

“Jaemin—"

“There’s no time!” he presses.

“Fine. What do you want to do?”

Jaemin beams at you and you feel a soft drumming inside your chest. He starts to elaborate on his quick yet decent enough ideas for hosting the annual party ( “It can’t be worse than last year, Jaemin.” “Last year was Donghyuck’s fault. And Renjun’s.”) and while you’re planning a party which revolves around affections and love, you can’t get yours out in the open. It would be disastrous, no doubt.

You sleeping through your classes is entirely Jaemin’s fault. He promised he’ll make it up to you somehow, and you know he will because of the way he is. He’ll probably buy you ice-cream or take you to a café and while all that’s in good spirits, it makes you more frustrated, more annoyed at all the looks you get, all the assumptions that you wish were true.

“Why isn’t it in the dorms?” you ask Jaemin, following him into the student hall.

“Do you know how many people end up coming? It’ll be suffocating,” Jaemin says, his back turned to you.

“I mean, I’m not complaining,” you say, “But this hall looks creepy.”

“That’s why we have decorations!” Jaemin says, shoving a bunch of pink, golden and red streamers at you.

“Where- when did you even get these?” you ask, looking at the lively colours sprawled across your arms.

“Jeno bought them. Oh, and Renjun’s probably coming to help.”

“Okay.”

The occasion needs minimalistic decorations according to Jaemin (“Because love should be the main event!” “I’m not even going to tell you how dumb that sounds.”) and on the bright side, it reduces your physical workload. Jaemin rushes from corner to corner, your head following his movement as he gestures for you to give him the ribbons and garlands. The hall already looks a little brighter by the time you’re finished, all the little touches added by Jaemin standing out to you.

“I need those heart-shaped post-it notes,” Jaemin says, knitting his brows. His mouth is slightly parted and his eyes stare off into the distance as he looks like he’s processing all that he has to say. The sunlight that has snuck in plays on his cheeks and eyes and sometimes you wish you’d stop viewing him like that, like he’s a work of art. Sometimes you wish your miserable state of mind didn’t get any worse with each look, each word, each smile Jaemin gave you.

You end up telling Jaemin to make a shopping list and while he insists on going to the store himself, you tell him to sit there and wait for Jeno and Renjun.

You do the shopping, wanting to get out of the slow, smothering atmosphere, engulfed by your own leaking affections. You return not too long after, to see Jaemin leaning back on one of the chairs, his phone pressed to his cheek.

“What do you mean you’re not coming now?” his voice comes out in a low tone. “That’s not helping!”

Jaemin’s cheeks gradually turn pink at whatever the voice through the phone says. “No, you don’t understand. That won’t help!”

“Yes…I still get butterflies, Renjun- why are you laughing? It’s true- it’s not that cheesy!”

You think hard about Jaemin’s declaration, so much that you forget you’re holding a bag of stuff and almost trip into to the hall. Jaemin perks up at your sudden entrance and while you rub the back of your head sheepishly, Jaemin rushes to you and holds the bag.

“Turns out Renjun isn’t coming, after all,” he informs you.

“Oh, that’s okay.”

Jaemin adorns a broad smile as you try finishing up the extra details with him, and you don’t notice the soft looks he gives you every time you’re so focused, your tongue pokes out or when you try your hardest to scrutinise every corner of the hall.

“What’s this for?” you point at the stack of Valentine’s Day themed post-its in Jaemin’s hand.

“It’s for people to write what they love most about themselves. Or what they think is the best thing about them.”

“That’s nice,” you smile.

Jaemin takes out a pen to scribble something and sticks it on the wall beside you. You squint to read it (“My handwriting isn’t even that bad!”) but you only find your name written with a heart drawn beside it.

“Because you’re the best thing to ever happen to me,” Jaemin winks.

You hit your forehead against the back of your hand, and despite the cheesiness, your cheeks heat up at the look of glee Jaemin gives you.

Jaemin walks you home with the setting sun tracing your footsteps. You don’t speak all that much, like you do when you’re comfortable, but at moments like these, you wish you could hold his hand or do all the things you aren’t allowed. The shape of his lips change with each expression he makes, still rosy and looking soft despite how chapped they are, and his cheeks glow with a residual pink from running out of the hall and the honey in his eyes you get to see when faces you leave a sweet taste in your mouth. It’s difficult to not stare at Na Jaemin. Sometimes, you wonder how all his features came together to create something so incredibly lovely, something so Jaemin. When you reach, he thanks you, tells you to wear something pink, and runs back towards his own place after waving a quick goodbye.

You enter the party to find some additions by Jeno and Renjun like the fairy lights and a huge banner saying ‘Welcome!’ with a lot of unnecessary hearts. There’s also doodles which suspiciously resemble you and Jaemin which you wouldn’t have noticed unless Renjun specifically pointed them out to you. Oh, how you wish you could deck someone in the face in public.

It’s actually enjoyable being there, though. People did write the notes, you notice when you see the wall almost filled with fluttery pink notes, Jaemin’s one lost in the bunch. Most of the guests are engaged in their own little world or shoving snacks into their mouths—an accurate representation of what Valentine’s Day is like around the world. The place isn’t overwhelmingly pink, there are mostly different shades of it, sure, but they remind you of Jaemin and the effort he put in.

People have unanimously decided the dress code is pink and while you couldn’t find anything suitable in your wardrobe, you ended up with the pink beret Jaemin gave you for your birthday last year. Speaking of whom, you don’t see him anywhere for a good ten minutes after arriving, mostly following Renjun and Jeno around to help them set the chocolates at the snacks table, or eating said chocolates at the snacks table. Donghyuck makes a face at the old love songs playing as soon as he enters the hall and brings his phone to undoubtedly change it to some other weird playlist.

You find Jaemin in a pink corduroy jacket, surrounded by a bunch of people from uni, looking a little more than flustered. His hair looks soft albeit a little messy although he must have styled it before coming, and overall, his presence seems to be the core of the celebrations. He looks like an angel when he meets eyes with you, and the hearts your brain makes you see floating around him don’t help.

Jaemin excuses himself with a polite smile and jogs over to you, wreathed in smiles. You smile back and there’s an unexpected silence before either of you speak.

“You look cute,” Jaemin points to the pink beret.

“Th-thanks,” you manage to say through the sudden awkwardness.

Before Jaemin can say anything else, he’s pulled by the arm by some guy who points to a girl looking shy in the corner. You can already tell she’s going to confess her undying love for Jaemin and while you know he’s going to reject her with the sweetest no, you wish you had that kind of confidence too. If you tell him, would he laugh at you? Would he even grace you with his sweet ‘no’?

The ‘what if’s swirl around your head and you take a seat at the corner of the hall. Suddenly, all you see are people in love—people tucking flowers in their partners hair, or talking while holding each other’s hands, or showing affection in simple acts of kisses or hugs or feeding each other. They all have someone to belong to, someone to protect, to cherish, to experience things with.

“Hey.”

You look to your side to see Jaemin already sitting beside you, a curious look on his face. You push your feelings aside to shoot him a playful smile.

“Broke another heart, Jaemin?”

Jaemin’s cheeks turn as pink as the streamers and you almost instantly regret saying that.

“I felt bad,” he starts but trails off.

“I know,” you reassure him. Jaemin isn’t paying a whole lot of attention, though, and you think maybe you should tell him too. You should tell him that you’ve liked him since high school, when he found you hiding from your friends on your birthday to prevent getting caked in the face, you liked him when he offered to walk you home the first time, you liked him when he told you he’s relieved that you’re both going to the same college. You like him when he’s thinking quietly, you like him when he says something stupid to annoy you, and you feel like you’ll like him endlessly with every passing second you spend with him—every passing second that pronounces the voice of his existence.

“Jaemin.”

“Yes?”

“We’re friends, right? How would you feel about being more than friends?” you rush through your words, getting redder by the second. You’re not one subject to impulsive actions, but maybe, maybe Na Jaemin is an exception to this too. His lips are pressed into a thin line, pink with the chapstick you had bought him a long time ago.

“What?”

No. You’re not saying that again. If you have to, you’ll pretend this conversation never happened.

“You like me?” Jaemin freezes, his eyes scanning your face for a response.

“I- uh- yeah. Wow. That wasn’t how I was planning to tell you. I mean, there were chocolates in the initial plan.”

“Are you kidding me?” You flinch at the sudden rise of his tone. “We could have been going out all this time?!”

“Huh?”

“I wouldn’t have had to do all this.”

“What?”

“In my defence, this wasn’t my idea,” Jaemin makes a sour expression.

You didn’t expect planning for a party to be your friends’ grand idea to get you and Jaemin together, and you don’t know how that works either. While that was a total failure, the dawning realization that maybe you’re not spending this Valentine’s alone makes your heartbeat quicken and your face warm.

“Will you go to the café with me this Saturday?” Jaemin smiles the brightest of smiles at you.

“I’m not having your poison coffee.”

“You ruined a perfectly nice moment.”

You smile and lean forward to rest your forehead against his shoulder, both of you shaking with silent laughter.

“Let’s leave before Donghyuck shoots us another look,” Jaemin tells you, taking hold of your hand and glaring at the sudden change of music.

The skies are pretty (or are you saying that because you’re happy?) and even more so when the late afternoon paints it orange and pink.

“You’re mine? You’re really mine?” Jaemin asks when you’re outside the gates.

You nod as you try to process the words yourself, a slow red rising in your cheeks.

Jaemin smiles the warmest smile before leaning in to peck your cheek. It’s a simple gesture—couples do it often, but it leaves your cheeks burning red and hot more than ever. Calling yourself a couple doesn’t make it any better, neither does the way Jaemin looks at you, or his fingers playing with yours.

Jaemin leans in again, and right when you feel his breath on your lips, he pulls back, shaking his head. When you continue looking at him with doe eyes, he laughs.

“That’s for Saturday,” he says, “If I kiss you right now, I won’t be able to stop.”

There’s a lot to look forward to on Saturday, you think. Besides the fact that it’s a weekend, you’re going out with Jaemin, someone who you thought you’d never be able to ask out. Someone who makes your heart explode into stardust but someone who puts it at ease.

There’s a lot to look forward to on Saturday. Cheaper chocolates, your choice of coffee, Jaemin’s lips—all of them, at the top of your list of favourite things.

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inuwritesstuff · 4 years

Text

The Performance of a Lifetime- Part Four

Actor AU! Kuroo x Reader

Reader is female

Warning

its a little raunchy with lyrics but nothing really happens. Just an inappropriate song they are acting out.

Also mentions tsukishima/yamaguchi ship stuff

WC: 1670

Cross posted on Ao3

Part Three

“Again Y/N. Show me how much you wanna do this.” Kuroo cooed, pushing you away from him once more after pushing him onto the bed. “Ugh Kuroo let’s just finish the scene and let me just fake it with you.” You grumbled, shoving him back onto the bed and frowning deeply as the music continued on muffled by the pillow covering the phone. Kuroo stared up at you and blinked before lazily smiling. “Fake it huh? You want me that badly Y/N?” “Oh shut up you know what i mean.I just want-”

“You want this done right. So do it right. “ he argued, trying to sit up but your weight holding him down by his shoulders kept him from moving. “Get on all fours, kiss this dead girl walking.” you sang picking up where the music was playing at now. “Let’s go you know the drill, I’m hot and pissed and on the pill. Bow down to the will of a dead girl walkinggggg~” you sang louder, smirking and kissing his jaw like how the director told them to act out. Kuroo looked softly up at Y/N as you sang the next part so softly, like you were truly comforting your partner.

“That works for me-OOF.” He recited his line as you pulled him off the bed and pinned him against the wall, kissing him roughly. You had barely thought of stage kissing him before but you knew that you would have to do it one day. Might as well make the first time you kiss him private. You didn’t want people gawking at you. It's not like he was your first kiss or anything too. You two mimicked taking off clothing without really doing anything before rolling back onto the bed as the music played.

“Get your ass in gear make this whole town disappear. ” you sang louder, totally forgetting that Kenma was stream. “Slap me. Pull my hair. Touch me there, there, there. LOVE THIS DEAD GIRL WALKING~” You took a breath to continue singing before the door slammed open. “Kuroo what did I say!” The streamer shouted, before staring at the two of you. Oh god this looked like a bad situation for the two of them. “Oh god. Please… for the love of all things sacred in this world, tell me you two are acting right now because I’m out if you two are reall-”

“Yes Kenma. Why the fuck would we be singing if we were really doing it?” Kuroo asked , furrowing his eyebrows as he propped himself up on the bed, you still on top of him. YOU felt bare. Naked.Even though you both still had all your clothing on it was weird to have Kenma interrupt your practice. “I have no clue you are a theater person. I hear you sing in the shower all the time.” “Kenma.. You really don’t know how any of this works do you?” he asked with a monotone voice before looking at you and sighing. “Look at what I have to deal with Y/N. He’s so uneducated in our world even though he’s my childhood friend.”

“I can’t believe you would think we were going at it kenma. Who sings while having-” “I DON’T KNOW! Now… Please be quiet or I will kick you both out of MY apartment. I pay for most of the rent. So I control what and who is here.” Kenma pinched the bridge of his nose and turned around and walked out of the room. “I think I should go anyways. Kei and Tadashi are most likely starting dinner now.” You told your partner before getting off him and heading for the door. Kuroo laid still in his bed before lift a hand up and waving. “Night Y/N. Get home safe. I’m just.. Gonna lay here and think about how well you seduced me.” He told you , making you blush and head out the apartment, going to the nearest bus station that would take you home. You had seduced him huh? Was it in character or not though that was the question. You hoped in character honestly. You.. can’t believe you even toyed with the idea of him falling for you. Ugh why where you even entertaining the idea of him. You hung your head and groaned softly. God he was snarky and was just.. Ugh.. frustrating . UGH why were you even thinking about him. You had a thing for Bokuto. You pulled out your phone and texted Bokuto quickly.

Text to Owl Head > Hey just leaving Kuroos now. Can you let him know when i get home? Text from Owl Head > OvO O f c o u r s e. How did it go?OuO You groaned at his texting emojis. He was so cringy sometimes but it was cute and endearing most times. Text to Owl Head > We did only one song before i left. Kenma was streaming and he got mad we were loud. Text from Owl Head > Oh yeah That’s Kenma for you.I’m surprised Kuroo even let you over when he was home. ;p He normally doesn’t introduce people to Kenma because he’s not a people person.

Text to Owl Head > Ah yeah I can see that.

You wanted to bring up the fact Kuroo talked about how pretty you were for a week now. You blushed again and looked out the window as the bus pulled up to your stop. You got off and headed to your boys waiting for you at home. You closed your eyes and sighed as the walked into the apartment. You heard something dropping making you open your eyes. You were expecting to see Kei and Tadashi. But not like this. “Oh. OH. OHHHHHHHHHHH.” you shouted, pointing at the two shirtless men in your living room. Tadashi sitting on Kei’s lap as Kei was lounging on the couch. “I’m so dumb!” you slapped your forehead and covered your eyes as you shut the door behind you with your foot. “Okay I’ll go hide in my room. ‘Kay bye.” You got out before either could mutter a word to you. You slammed your door shut and flopped down on your bed. Well that was interesting. Of course they would be dating. How dumb were you. You just thought Kei was Tadashi’s partner while they wrote like a co-author. Not his actual partner. YOU HAD BEEN ROOMMATES FOR HOW LONG NOW AND YOU JUST FOUND OUT? You internally screamed at yourself. How dumb did you have to be? You felt your pocket vibrate as you screamed more in your head. What now? Text from ??? > Kou gave me your number. Its Kuroo. Hope you got home safe. Text to ??? > I’m home safe. Don’t worry about me.

You added his number into your phone quickly and sighed. Text to The Cat Man > Be honest. How dumb am I? Text from The Cat Man > Very. You think you have a chance with Kou. LOL

Text to The Cat Man > Ur mean. I’m blocking you

Text from The Cat Man > D: Nu pls. I need you for something

You were curious now. What did he need you for? There was a lot it could be. You paused while texting him. Maybe you should just leave him on read for a bit. No matter what you were going to do, it got abruptly interrupted by Tadashi walking into your room with a thick heavy blush across his face. “I’M SO SORRY Y/N!” He bowed to you and stood up straight just as quick. “If you don’t want us to room with you anymore we totally get it. We lied to you about our relationship and-” “Dude. I don’t care??” you told him completely confused why they would think they would get kicked out for making out in the living room. “A heads up would have been nice but yeah I don’t… I don’t care. I’m just dumb and I can’t believe i didn’t see it before.” “Yeah we weren’t subtle.” “Tsuki. Stop.” “Hey I’m right though. Why should I stop? I told her day one i was your partner. And she didn’t know until know? Dumbass.”

You chuckle and pointed at Tadashi. “Your boyfriend is right. I am a dumbass.” Tadashi chuckled nervously and sat on the edge of your bed as Kei walked in and leaned against the door frame. “How was your day? Didn’t you go to Kuroo’s place?” Tadashi asked making Kei’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You. Y/N. Willing spent time with Kuroo? Are you sick or something? Dying?” Kei teased making your eyes roll as you sunk back into your bed and glanced at your phone.

4 messages from The Cat Man

You winced and unlocked your phone and glanced at the messages. Text from The Cat Man > Kenma kicked me out after I tried practicing Meant to be Yours apparently too loudly.

Text from The Cat Man > So I’m at Akaashi’s and Kou’s

Text from The Cat Man > I need help with what pizza I should get

Text from The Cat Man > hello? Y/N??

You rolled your eyes again and chuckled , texting him back a simple order of a cheese and banana peppers pizza before turning your attention to Tadashi again who was wearing a smug look. “The Cat Man?” He asked, peering over at your phone. “What about Owl Head huh? You seem to be awfully fond of Kuroo all of a sudden.” he teased, his boyfriend’s humor wearing off on him. “I hate you both. Now go make me dinner and MAYBE I will talk about what happened tonight.” you were met with a glare from Kei before he caved and shrugged. “Fine. I’ll make you something nasty then. Like a seaweed and water casserole.” “You are an ass.” You retorted to Kei before looking at your phone again seeing Kuroo had send a thumbs up emoji. You felt your stomach do a flip as you looked at the text and you hid your phone as you continued on with your night.

#Kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsurou x reader #kuroo tetsurō #haikyuu!! imagine #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!! imagines

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professortennant · 6 years

Text

Sam/Jack Rec List, Pt. 1

This is mostly for me in case my bookmarks are lost but yeah! I’ve gone through like 90% of AO3, a good chunk of ff.net, and I just dived into LJ. But since I have 103 fics already bookmarked, I’m just gonna put this list up first and then add to it later.

Plz read the tags of each fic to avoid stuff you don’t wanna read. If you read something and love it, GO TELL THE AUTHOR SO THEY WRITE MORE.

Absolute Fucking Favorites (aka I have read these more times than I feel comfortable admitting)

We Made It Series: A series of connected episode tags beginning with Forever in a Day. Sam shows up on Jack's doorstep with a six pack of beer, a bottle of cheap wine and a package of chicken breasts. Jack's confused. They cook dinner.

Taking Christmas Off: How Sam and Jack end up spending Christmas alone together every single year, accidentally at first, and then very much on purpose. A fluffy/shippy Christmas fic in eight parts, with spoilers through season 8.

The Dreams We Left Behind: The day Sam Carter marries Pete Shanahan is not the worst day of Jack’s life; he’s already lived that day. But that doesn't make it easy.

Like Kissing a Stranger: There is not one day he spends on this planet, or any other, that his mouth doesn't get him into trouble.(An episode tag for Point Of View.)

Retrospective: Sam doesn’t give it a name, this feeling. She doesn’t even think about it much, preferring to glimpse it obliquely from the corner of her eye. It’s a secret delight that she shares with no one, scarcely even herself.One story in eight parts charting Sam and Jack’s relationship from the start of S1 to the end of S8.

The Short Straw: She hadn't set out to cheat, certainly, but had thought that she'd at least be able to interpret her own work in a way that would lead to victory. (Tag for Shades of Grey)

Post-Eps/Episode Tags (except for Threads, which is its own category)

The Price of Edora: Sam suffers the consequences of pushing herself too hard in order to bring Jack back from Edora.

For Just One Taste of This: After that, though, things got tricky and dangerous because they pushed a little more and went a little (a lot) further off that deep end, and soon it was the two of them alone in the empty barracks and this wasn’t wrong, was it, just sitting side by side in the darkness? (Post Divide and Conquer)

Let Your Demons Run: (here can't be that many eyes in the building that haven't noticed her. Post-ep for Entity.

Midnight at the Oasis: What if Abydos wasn't destroyed, and Jack and Sam really did go to Skaara's wedding? A short AU based on the wonderful (!) exchange among the three at the beginning of Full Circle.

Thyself, Unknown: And then they were strangers again and their world was brand new with signs of aging. Beneath the Surface

Unlearn your Stars: Thera turned her eyes toward the ceiling, as if she could see through the miles of earth and snow to the sky beyond. Something about her seemed to yearn, and for reasons he could not fathom Jonah felt like Thera belonged there. Among the stars. (Beneath the Surface)

Transcendental: Alternate Sam and Jack who got stranded in the alternate timeline in Moebius.

The Fundamental Theorem of Samantha Carter: Samantha Carter knew precisely what she wanted. And then she didn’t. S.8 Full Alert through Threads with references to Gemini.

The Rainy Season: Tag for The Light. Their arguing was beginning to grate on her nerves.

Icarus Ascending: What if Jack and Sam didn't keep it in the room after all? A/U tag to Divide and Conquer.

The Space Between: There's a little space between them on the bed. Small enough to be close, but enough space to remind them where the line should be. (tag for Death Knell.)

Mimesis: Jack tries to help Carter deal with her time spent with Fifth and the Replicators.

A Rush of Blood to the Head: "You volunteering to come with me, Carter?" Sam and Jack deal (or don't) with the creation of mini!Jack.

The Breaking Point: Daniel’s ‘death’ in Meridian forces Sam Carter to reevaluate her life and what really matters to her.

Window on a Room: The first time around, Sam had found that face the Colonel was making to be endearing, in the increasingly problematic way she found pretty much everything he did to be endearing. The second time, she had found it alarming - not the Colonel specifically, of course, just the fact that she’d already experienced that exact moment not ten hours earlier. She went from being alarmed on the second loop to being frustrated, baffled and discouraged in subsequent loops as their attempts to stop the looping had all failed. And now that they had settled into this routine, with Sam and Teal’c, loop after loop, learning to translate the altar text themselves, well now she was just tired. Not even the Colonel’s problematically endearing face was helping.Another loop, she thought to herself. Here we go again.

black holes and revelations: It’s late and dark and as far as she’s concerned, the world has stopped for them (they’d done the Earth a few favors, it's time one was returned).

Lifelines: Everyone expects her to be so resilient--but beneath her calm exterior seethe emotions beyond her control and understanding. Months post "Beneath the Surface", Sam finally has to face it all, and find a way to accept the way things have to be.

Reflections on a Broken Surface: Episode tag to Beneath the Surface. How Sam and Jack became a couple in the ep.

Tilting at Windmills: Jack's struggling to deal with the events of Euronda and Alar's people. Angry, depressed, and alone, he needs Sam's help to find his way home, literally, and figuratively.

untitled: Sam/Jack, word prompt- 'never' Episode tag to Death Knell

the art of reincarnation: Detoxing in a Goa’uld palace, Jack struggles with something he can't let go, and Sam struggles with everything.

Cracks in the Glass: Doctor Carter has stepped through the mirror-seeking refuge from her ravaged world. Her presence forces Sam and Jack to question their own decisions. Sam and Jack focused episode enhancement to "Point of View".

Before the Invitation: A chance meeting in the commissary leads to some unintended revelations. (Set just prior to 'Nemesis')

Threads

Full Disclosure: She looks at him with that complex expression that’s punctuated their relationship ever since Pete barged onto the scene. The one that looks like a question, or a plea – the one he’s never really understood and has never dared pursue.

Down to the Bone: She knows now, what’s essential.

Sooner: Some bonus scenes for "Threads," because a lot went on in and around that episode that we just didn't get to see.

an angel came down: The first Christmas after her father dies is rough. The second Christmas after her father dies is better.

Breathe In: It wasn’t an immediate thing, despite what people thought. They didn’t jump each other the second SG1 was on vacation, with her emotionally vulnerable after her father’s death and no longer engaged, or him now free of SG Command and DC-bound.

Sam or Jack are Tortured/Abused (but it ends happily)

Primary Emotion: After seventeen weeks of torture in a Goa'uld prison, Samantha Carter is rescued by SG-1. In the time that follows she must relearn how to relate to her team, reassess her relationships with both herself and others, and decide whether or not she'll continue to step through the Stargate. Luckily she's got the benefit of a good psychologist and the love of a great man.

Character: SG1 is kidnapped by an alien king who needs Sam to perpetuate his bloodline & will do anything to possess her. The team must find a way to escape before she pays the ultimate price for her defiance.

Compos Mentis: After Colonel O'Neill is stranded on a seemingly friendly planet, it's up to his team to rescue him. Who they find, though, isn't the man they left behind.

Crawl from the Chasm: After Jack's experiences in Ba'al's Abyss, he struggles to find peace. Angsty Jack/Sam Ship.

After All: They’d been trapped for a month. He’d been tortured within an inch of her life. And then their roles had been reversed.

All We Need of Hell: Jack is captured and tortured and when he returns, he just doesn’t see the point in following the regs anymore--Sam is essential. And he convinces her to forget the regs, too. (Dark fic). (chap 2)

Aliens Made Them Do It

Auctions and Consequences: Slavery has been abolished for good reason, but apparently not everyone got the memo… landing Sam and Jack in hot water.

Auction and Reaction (sequel to the above): Jack manages to get himself captured and Sam is sent to negotiate for his freedom. Unfortunately, the matriarch in charge of the male slaves is unconvinced of her claim and threatens to keep Jack as her personal slave.

Relief: How they'd managed to gate to a planet right in the middle of their annual fertility festival was beyond him.

in doorways and dreams i run to you: They had stepped through the gate together. They were looking for something.Light.There had been a blinding light and then nothing. Nothing but the heat and the taste of his skin on her lips. And now he was on his knees and she wasn't stopping him from sliding a hand underneath her.

Beautiful Far Away: While on a routine exploratory mission, Colonel Jack O'Neill and Captain Samantha Carter get caught up in a children's game that turns out to be the beginning of Rorilian marriage rites. When seismic activity starts to rock the village, the local leaders demand the ritual be seen through to its natural conclusion to avoid further angering their gods. Sam's equipment suggests the tremors are caused by an unidentifiable metal, but her science seems to be a point of contention amongst the leaders. She's convinced she needs just a little more time to figure out what is happening on the planet. Unfortunately, that means she's jumping into a ritual marriage with her new commanding officer. What could possibly go wrong?

Xanadu: The team travels offworld to take care of some mining negotiations, only to meet with an unanticipated challenge on P3X-427.

5 Times Fic

Five Times Jack Sees Sam Out of Uniform

The Nature We Leave Behind Us: 5 Times Daniel (and Teal’c) find out or suspect about Sam and Jack

Five Times Jack Came Close to Breaking the Frat Regs with Sam

Desperation: 5 times Jack kisses Sam

Ambient: 3 morning-afters that they miss and 1 they don’t.

5 missing ship scenes from s9/s10

5 times jack asked sam out and 1 time he didn’t have to

Stranded/Retired/Moved Off-World

My Scars Healed (aka the Cottage AU): Abandoned off-world, living is about more than just survival.

In Media Res: When Sam and Jack are taken captive and put to work in a mining camp, that turns out to be the least of their troubles. Forced by circumstance to live in close proximity, their time as captives has consequences neither one foresees.

Compliance: The end comes fast. One moment it’s a normal day with paperwork and bad coffee and the next it’s a scramble for the event horizon as the Mountain comes down around them. The base empties out with surprising efficiency, and by the time Jack hangs up the red phone on the last conversation he’ll ever have with the President, only Carter and Daniel and a couple techs are still in the gate room, the last of the supplies being sent through to their fall back site.

I Love It When a Plan Comes Together: Dear Airline, I was marooned on an alien planet…

And then I dreamt of yes: The universe has really bad timing, but neither Sam or Jack is ready to give it the last word.

The Final Straw: Sam's injured and trapped off-world.

Twilight: General O'Neill gets ansty to do some Gate travel, but a natural phenomenon on another world causes problems and changes things

Bird Stealing Bread: Jack had actually imagined being stranded off-world quite a few times. But he really, really, really hadn't counted on being stranded off-world with Sam. And Pete.

Under the Sun: ABANDONED FIC BUT IT’S SO GOOD. When lightning strikes the DHD and strands Sam and Jack alone on a planet, they must rely on one another to get through until help can arrive. Soon, though, they discover they're not alone on the planet and things change. Suddenly they're thrust into local politics and Sam is drafted to help save the locals' lives. Perhaps, if they play their cards right, all of it can help them get home.

Total AU

String Theory: Dr. Samantha Carter joins the SGC and discovers a life she never expected.

Imprimatura: Even in a completely different reality, where a strictly enforced color-based caste system stands between them, some things remain the same.

How to Start a Fire: She denies it's physical attraction. He denies it's anything but. Sam/Jack. Changeling Universe.

Convergence Series: Jack O’Neill is a man waiting to die, and she’s the only one brave enough not to look away.

Right as rain: Jack never went on the Abydos mission. Charlie never died. But when Jack accidentally activates a device that Kawalsky brings by the Academy, he catches the interest of a certain Major Carter. Soon he finds himself in for one hell of a ride, and if aliens and space travel and weird DNA weren't crazy enough, he might actually be falling in love with a theoretical astrophysicist...

The Dating Game: Catherine Langford had been instrumental in getting AU Sam/Jack together in There But For The Grace of God

Defining Family: Set after "Ripple Effect". What happens to Janet and the rest of the alternate SG-1 team after the episode? How does it affect our reality?

Worlds Apart: An Ancient device sends Jack and Sam to a world where everything is just a little bit... wrong. Why? Can they cope with the differences? And, most importantly, can they find their way back?

I don’t know what to categorize these as but they’re amazing

Deep City Lights: He picks her up in a blue convertible. (Road trip fic where they say ‘fuck the regs’ and then remember the regs)

we build then we break (and build up again): Sam’s last mission on SG-1, and the life that follows.

the slow revelation of self: In the beginning there was sex. And it was good.

untitled: on a mission, sam and jack are painting their mark on a wall.

things not dreamed: Daniel doesn't understand their need to fly.

Cultural Drift: Six days before the shit hit the fan and nothing was ever the same again, Daniel fell over a tablet on P3X-324. That was two years ago.

Concentric Unto Thee: Her attempts at normality have never worked before, and Jack won't stand for any attempts to apply the logic of command to their relationship.

the lesson: Jack and Sam haven’t wasted the three years they’ve been cut off from Earth…and though the price is high, they manage to teach that lesson to another couple who badly needed to learn it.

Escape Pod: "I just need," shift, "to move," shift, "a little." (Accidental Stimulation fic) Tonight: It's been too many years of it, the death, the resurrection, the sheer and aching loneliness, the hurt that comes from walking away.

Rocket Fuel: Sam and Jack get together after Heroes but also AU + Christmas.

Home Economics: He would never have imagined that the biggest problem Sam Carter would have with his house would be his toaster.

Atlantis/Continuum

Gravity Always Wins in the End: After Sam is held hostage, Jack takes an impromptu trip to Atlantis.

Backlit: Carter turns 43 years old on day 6 of a 14-day run to P98-007 aboard the General Hammond. The only events that mark the occasion are the little note Daniel must have stuffed into her pack before she left, a cheerful "Happy Birthday, Ma'am" from her second over a morning cup of coffee, and a long stare at herself in the mirror after she washes her face before bed. It's not like she expected more.

Yesterday’s Life: She feels frayed and faded, like a scrap of fabric accidentally discarded and forced to weather the elements. S/J, spoilers for Stargate: Continuum.

Distance: Sam contemplates the difficulties of a long distance relationship with Jack on Valentine's Day...

Post-Series

Look Again Into Your Heart: It's not that cold, not by the standard of some of the places she's been in the last decade or so of her life, but then again, she's not used to braving the weather in heels and an evening dress.

Follow the Star of the North: When Jack talked about losing himself in Minnesota, Sam never really understood the appeal.

Radio Silence: “It’s Mitchell.”He grabbed the phone out of her hand, smiling at the horrified expression on her face when he flicked it open and held it to his ear.“This is General O’Neill. Is the world ending?”

Rainy Days: Sam and Jack spend a rainy day at the cabin

The Lies You Feed Yourself: They simply aren’t part of each other’s worlds anymore. They haven’t been for years. Jack and Sam three years after they leave the SGC.

Bygones: He's a man of few words. Sam, however, wants to hear a couple of specific ones - at least once. It takes another woman to help her understand just how her husband communicates.

Twelve Years Two Weeks: She had finally 'switched off'. It had taken her a few days to rid herself of the itch that she was neglecting a to-do list the size of her arm.

DC Series: SG-1 is moving on, but Sam is standing still.

Interlude: Jack turns up unexpectedly, and he and Sam make an important decision.

fly me to the moon: Jack is baffled. What do you do for a woman's 40th birthday when she routinely explores alien planets, has blown up a sun, and raced in the Loop of Kon Garat? Give her the moon of course.

Folding a Map: Distance makes Jack an unhappy camper.

Taur’i Whispers: "He likes her throaty laugh. He likes that her voice has dropped and softened in the years he's known her." - Sam/Jack, romance and a bit of angst and hurt/comfort

Blue Dark: The sun’s barely peeking above the horizon and already she’s up, perched on a stool at the breakfast bar in his kitchen, her index finger circling the rim of her coffee cup.“And we have to go to this?” she asks, taking a sip of the hot beverage.

Un-fish: “Caught any un-fish?” she asked softly.Their lives would never be normal because of little things like fish that were or were not there and sometimes he wondered who had done what exactly to his pond to drive the fish away. He knew better than to ask, unwilling to listen to her explain to him the various possibilities of… whatever.

Real Life: This was what she'd been waiting for, held out for all those years. Someone -- him -- to come home with every night, to sink into after saving the world or spending three days dug in on an alien planet with fifty-odd Jaffa between her team and the 'gate, someone who knew just how she liked to be touched... She rolled onto her back, offering sleepy kisses when his lips crossed hers, sighing when his wandering hands brushed across her belly...

#sam x jack #sg1 fic #stargate sg1 #stargate #fic rec #rec list #jack x sam

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takealottodragmeawayfromreddie · 6 years

Text

Filling the blanks - Chapter 5

Playlist on Spotify (mostly songs about Heaven and duel related stuff and 1980s hits)

Pairing: Richie x Eddie x Bill (Reddie at the start).

Summary: During his last moments, Eddie realized he had something to say, but before he could finish the sentence, he was gone. Now he’s stuck between life and death and he knows he won’t be able to rest until he takes care of what he started. The only person he trusts enough to help him is Bill.

Or: The ghost AU where Eddie’s spirit can get inside of Bill’s mind to ask him for help to tell Richie he loved him.

Warnings: Canon Divergence (IT actually kills Audra) and, of course, death of major character. Some internalized homophobia in this chapter (still some use of the F-word). Stay safe.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

AO3 LINK

Playlist on Spotify (mostly songs about Heaven and duel related stuff and 1980s hits)

Special thanks to my lovely beta-reader @golden-marauders who is always extra nice and good at what they do.

The last time Eddie saw Richie crying, he was about to say a sentence that was meant to never get finished. Now that he did it, now that he said it, now that the unbearable weight of silence is lifting off of his chest, he doesn’t feel any better and Richie is crying again.

“You…” he starts, covering his mouth with both hands as tears finally fall from his eyes, “No, you’re lying. This is all… this is too fucked up, Bill. Please drop it.”

Eddie sighs and tries to walk towards him, reaching out, as if one touch could be enough to demonstrate he’s telling the truth. But Richie won’t let him. Instead, he jumps back as if his fingers could burn him. When he lowers his hands and closes his fists —not as in an attempt of physical aggression, but in a coping mechanism that looks almost child-like— Eddie notices his lips are trembling. He had never seen him this vulnerable before.

“Just leave,” Richie begs, voice broken, “It was a super funny joke, okay? I don’t care anymore. I promise I don’t care anymore. You don’t have to say sorry or anything at all, alright? Just get out of my house, please.”

“Richie…” Eddie pleads, in the same tone.

“Bill, please, I’m telling you it’s fine, okay?! It’s fucking fine. I’m not mad, I just want you to leave.”

Eddie wants to insist. Even after that word and how it made him think he didn’t love Richie anymore for a brief instant, Eddie wants to take his honesty to the end and make sure his friend believes him. They both need that. However, he can’t get any sound out of his throat. Damn, he can’t even get air through it.

Richie’s eyes go wide and all supplication disappears when he stops for a second and sees what’s going on. Eddie wraps a hand around his own neck as his expression mutates from merciful to completely terrified. His breathing speeds up and becomes frenetic, desperate.

“What?” Richie asks, worried for the first time in the whole night, “What’s wrong?”

“I’m… Fuck, I can’t…”

F-fuck, no…

Bill understands quickly and tries to take control again, but be it because of Eddie not wanting to let him or because of his reaction being too strong for allowing him to do that, he can’t. It’s like trying to wreck a brick wall only with his mind, and he keeps hitting against it as their vision goes blurry with every thrust.

Eddie is all alone in this. He arches his back and runs a nervous hand through his hair, gasping like a fish out of water while Richie watches, frozen, still incapable of facing what’s going on.

“Beep beep, Bill, you’re starting to freak me out,” he warns. It’s not a threat; just a warning.

H-he’s not me!

“Richie, please…” Eddie implores, “I can’t breathe! I’m having an…”

Please, do s-something! Richie, h-help him, he’s not… l-lying!

Bill throws his metaphorical fists against this imaginary wall, hoping Richie will listen. He knows Eddie is not okay. Even without a body to feel it, he can tell.

“What the fuck? What do you want me to do? I…”

Eddie’s face turns red and his legs go weak, causing him to fall on his knees. Using his good hand, he frantically checks his clothes.

“Where my… where’s my in-…” he mumbles, sounding more and more out of his mind. And then he remembers, “Shit, I left it in my other body!”

“Man, seriously, this is…” Richie starts, confused and uncomfortable, his eyes going everywhere but in Eddie’s direction.

“Please!” Eddie cries, “Please help me, I can’t breathe. I really… Shit, I’m… I can’t…”

R-Richie, please! You know who h-he is! You know it’s Eddie!

Eddie looks up at Richie with pleading eyes, hand still on his own chest, breathing still fast. Richie hesitates. He’s clearly scared and something inside him has to tell him this is serious, but disorientation won’t let him react. He stares down at him, eyebrows curved with concern and fear. His thumbnail is trapped between his shaky lips.

“Please…”

Richie sighs, still shocked, still panicking, but with a new-found determination that can only be awaken by deep trust in a friend.

“Okay, you really wanna go all the way with this. I know what to do, get up.”

He takes his hand and tries to pull him up. However, it’s like grabbing a string and he just manages to get him a few inches away from the ground before he falls again.

“What—?”

“Sorry,” Eddie breathes out, “I can’t… I don’t control this arm.”

“Oh my fucking God,” Richie grumbles before recovering a heaviest confidence in his voice, “Fine, let me…”

He lowers himself and puts his arms around Eddie’s waist. Eddie rests his hand on Richie’s shoulder as they finally succeed to get him up. Then they go back to the corner sofa and Richie makes sure he’s alright.

“You good?”

Eddie nods.

“Awesome, I know what to do, just… Wait here and don’t you move, okay?”

“Like I could go anywhere!”

“Keep up the amazing work!” Richie shouts, rushing out of the living room, upstairs.

Eddie lays back against the back of his sit, sighing while trying to get a grip of his breathing.

You’ve got to… c-calm down, Eds. Richie’s gonna h-help you, yeah? J-just breathe with me. In and out.

Bill guides Eddie for the next minutes until Richie comes back, only to pass in front of them at the speed of light and rush into the kitchen. They hear water running and doors being opened and slammed, before their friend returns, still running and holding up, like it’s some kind of war trophy, an object Eddie can’t identify.

He doesn’t get to ask what it is, because as soon as he opens his mouth, something made of plastic goes in and shots a sweet substance into his throat. He closes his eyes when he recognizes the feeling, his breath easing down, his muscles relaxing.

“That’s it,” Richie says, “So much better, huh?”

“Yeah,” Eddie quietly confirms as the inhaler leaves his mouth.

Richie sits beside him and rubs his back in comforting circles.

“How you doing, buddy?”

“I’m… I’m okay now… Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Eddie rejoices in the possibility of breathing normally again for a while, but once his eyes are open and he rationalizes what happened and what’s laying on the coffee table, the only thing he can do is wondering why.

“Why do you… Why do you have this?”

Richie seems taken aback by the question, but he soon laughs it off.

“Oh, you mean this old thing? Well, I…”

He closes his mouth, looking for the right word to say. Or maybe the most acceptable way to explain it. His hand is no longer rubbing Eddie’s back.

“Go on?” Eddie encourages.

Richie sighs, scratching the back of his neck.

“You probably don’t remember this but… One day, when we were kids, you… I mean him… I mean…”

“You’re talking about Eddie?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you can say ‘you’.”

He doubts for an instant, but almost immediately nods.

“Alright, so… your mom said really shitty things to you. Like, super heavy stuff. And you were so upset you came to hang out with us and you… you forgot your inhaler. And that same day, you had an attack.”

“Yeah, I remember that,” Eddie concurs, “It was horrible.”

“We managed to calm you down, but… we thought we’d lose you. Until It, I never thought… I never thought there could be anything in the world that could scare me that much.”

He reaches out and grabs the inhaler again, staring down at it and turning it around between his fingers.

“So I began to carry this thing around. In case you forgot yours.”

Eddie is speechless. He takes the inhaler from Richie’s hands and looks at it, too. The weight of it, its texture, its shape… its realness is overwhelming.

“Rich…”

“And when you found out about the bullshit it turned out to be, I remember I went and asked my dad what ‘gazebo’ meant. He chuckled and said ‘I’ll assume you mean placebo’ and then explained it. I asked him how could I make one and he answered that anything could be a placebo if the person who was taking it believed it would help, but the easiest way to do it was with water and sugar. So I started to fill the inhaler with that.”

“But… we knew it was bullshit. We knew it didn’t work.”

“Maybe it didn’t work… but it did help you.”

Eddie can’t help but smile. A soft, barely noticeable smile.

“It did help,” he agrees, “Thank you, Richie.”

“I never knew why I couldn’t get rid of it. I didn’t remember you or anything that happened, but I felt like I had to keep it. When I saw you in the ground, gasping, I understood… I understood everything.”

After finishing the sentence, Richie runs his hands over his face while releasing a frustrated groan, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Fuck, this is so messed up,” he growls, “How can…? Ugh, I can’t believe you’re here. But, I mean… it has to be you. Bill was right, why would he lie to me about this? He wouldn’t joke like that. Not even I would joke like that!”

“Richie—”

“And… and… damn, we fought a demonic clown! What the hell? This shouldn’t freak me out as much as it does. This isn’t that weird!”

“To be fair, it is a bit weird,” Eddie chuckles.

Richie doesn’t laugh. Shocked as he is, all he can do is remain silent, his mind working intensely to review every detail of their meeting. Eddie can’t tell at what point he began to believe them, but now that he does, it’s clearly a lot to take in.

“Shit,” Richie suddenly gasps, moving his hands away from his own face.

“What?”

“Sorry, nothing, it’s just…” He smiles, shaking his head, “My cheek kinda hurts, you know?”

Eddie frowns, confused. And then he remembers.

“I’m sorry about that,” he mutters.

“It’s okay, I deserved it.”

Richie shrugs, downplaying the importance of the matter. Even though it makes Eddie feel better for a little while, they can’t pretend it didn’t hurt both of them. They can’t pretend he didn’t confess his feelings and they can’t pretend that word wasn’t said. Of all the creative ways Richie always had to insult people, none could be as harmful as that one. And still, he chose to use it.

“I’m sorry, too,” he finally declares, quiet and ashamed.

Eddie stares at him.

“You know, for calling you a fa—”

“It’s fine, just don’t repeat it,” he answers, hand in pocket and a sad look in his eyes.

He stands up from the couch, ready to leave the topic behind, the feeling of betrayal too strong to let him sit beside Richie without breaking down. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t want any more fights over something he can’t change. Over something he no longer wants to change.

“Eds,” Richie insists, “you know I didn’t—”

“Seriously, Richie, it’s fine,” Eddie interrupts him, “You just said what you thought. It’s not like no one ever said that to me before. It just hurt to hear it from you.”

“But that’s not what I think!”

“Really?” he questions, turning back at him with an eyebrow raised.

“Really! I only said that ‘cause I thought Bill was joking. I thought he was disrespecting your memory, that’s all. If I knew it was you, I wouldn’t—”

“Good to know you wouldn’t call me a faggot in my face.”

“Spaghetti man, come on, you know I didn’t mean it like—”

“Don’t call me one of your stupid names right now!” he shouts, “Don’t call me one of your stupid names after calling me that.”

Richie’s eyes open wide at the sudden change in his tone.

“Eds, calm down, you know I didn’t—”

“No, no, please don’t say that again, it just made it worse,” he cuts him off, shaking his head.

“What?”

“Don’t go ‘oh, if I knew it was you, I wouldn’t have said I think you’re a faggot, I would have just keep it to myself’. It’s fucking horrible, okay?”

“But I really don’t have a problem with that, Eds! Really, it’s no big deal. I’ve got a lot of friends who are… who are like… like you!”

“Great, what do you want? A medal? You can’t even say it!”

“You don’t get it, it’s hard for me!”

“What? What is so fucking hard for you?”

“To… to accept you’re like them!”

Eddie feels his blood burning with anger.

I-I’m gonna fucking k-kill him…

“Why?” He reclaims, “Why, Richie? Why is not wrong for them but it’s wrong for me?”

“’Cause that’s what they wanted, Eddie!”

His voice comes out so loud it resonates in all the walls. It even feels like it resonates in the whole city, and now everyone in LA knows what they’re discussing. It’s scary and a part of Eddie wants to shush him, tell him to speak lower so no one will find out about his secret. But he’s not like that anymore. He doesn’t have to hide anymore. And all it’s left is confusion.

“Who?” he softly asks.

Richie looks down, not answering.

“Who wanted that, Richie?”

Eddie hears him gulp and waits. Seconds after, Richie slowly raises his head, looking at him in the eye. He seems troubled.

“Everyone,” he responds, voice barely above a whisper, “Bowers and his stupid friends, the idiots at school… Fuck, even your mother at some point. At some weird point.” He sighs, “Everyone in that hell town. And they were right.”

“Richie…”

“Look at this place!” Richie explodes, standing up and opening his arms to show what he means, “Pretty fucking amazing, don’t you think? Well, I bought it. I bought it on my own, no help from my parents or anything. I came to LA with nothing and here I am now.”

Eddie watches in silence.

“Look at my teeth.” Richie points at his own mouth, “See? Got them fixed! I got everything fixed. Life fucking smiles at me and asks me to take it home. No more huge glasses or people beep-beeping me. The whole country laughs at my jokes. I’m one of the better dressed men in this fucking city, goddammit! I fuck actresses, supermodels, pop stars. I can’t even get out of my house without a hot twenty-something beauty giving me her number.

”They said I wouldn’t make it, huh? They said I’d die a virgin, huh? They said I wouldn’t go anywhere. Well, joke’s on them! I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted. People think I’m hilarious, people think I’m smart, people want me to sleep with them. Go tell the thirteen year old nerd in Derry he would come this far. Go tell all those assholes that that loser would come this far.”

“Richie—”

“Oh, but wait, I’m not the only one. Haystack got hot, got the job of his dreams and married the woman he’s been in love with since he was a kid. Bev designs clothes for the gods, practically. She faced her abuser and won her own life over. Stan had a nice life. Sure, It fucked it up, but before that he got a wife he loved and he was happy with her.

”Bill became famous. He took all the shitty stuff that happened without even realizing it and turned it into something people would make him rich for. He married an actress and he was respected and no one cared about his stuttering anymore. People only wanted to hear what he had to say.

”Mike survived hell. Mike really survived hell. He sacrificed himself so all of us could live our lives. And yeah, maybe he didn’t make it as good as he deserved, but he still had a good job. He worked with books and history and all the nerdy stuff he loved so fucking much. It wasn’t perfect but it was something.

”We all made it. We all proved them wrong. Richie is actually funny, Ben is hot, Bev is more than just her body, Bill is more than his stuttering, Mike is more than the black guy and Stan was more than the Jew. But—”

“But Eddie was still the faggot,” Eddie quietly nods, looking down, “Is that what you’re saying, Richie? Is that what you think about me?”

Richie sighs.

“Ugh, why do I always have to be the bad guy?” He mutters, “No, Eds, that’s not what I mean at all! I just… I just really wanted them to be wrong about you, like they were about everybody else. I didn’t want them to win.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything. Bill has been completely silent for a while. Richie takes the beer bottle from the table and takes a sip.

“They didn’t win, Richie,” Eddie suddenly clarifies, “They almost won, they were winning, but… they didn’t win.”

Richie just stares back at him, puzzled.

“I know they thought I was just a faggot, but I’m starting to wonder if that’s what you think, too. ‘Cause… I’ve got a job, too, you know? Not only a job, but my own business. I loved cars and I made them my living. I drove for actors, musicians, politicians. All kind of famous, respectable people that maybe you fucked at some point of your life. They trusted me with their safety ‘cause I was good at what I did.

”I had my own place, too. A very nice place. And a woman who loved me more than anything waiting for me there. That’s something I think you don’t have. I mean, I don’t see it anywhere.

”I was successful, I did everything I thought I wanted to do, but I wasn’t happy. Forty fucking years, Richie, and the only moment of true happiness I ever had was when I was dying. ‘Cause I finally understood. I finally had something that money couldn’t buy. And it felt amazing. It was the first time all that success translated into something I could really feel as mine. I would take those five minutes of ‘being just a faggot’ over years of ‘proving them wrong’ anytime.”

Eddie hasn’t stopped to really look at Richie until now. Although he seemed to be doing that during the whole speech, it was just to make a point and he didn’t care about how Richie was reacting then. Everything that mattered was showing how sure of his words he was. He was just trying to feel powerful. He couldn’t tell his mother and the people from Derry all of this, but he could tell someone who needed to listen. That was enough.

Now it’s time to analyze the consequences of that decision. It won’t change anything, he already said what he had to say and he isn’t planning to take it back, but he wants to reap the fruits of what he sowed.

Richie has his arms crossed and is looking down at his own feet. It’s strange, because Eddie expected a burst of attacks and insults, the kind of stuff that used to happen when someone confronted Richie when they were kids. Or simply a smartass response, something for his compressed fury to hold on. But he’s standing there, biting his lower lip, looking like a child who got called out by his parents.

He’s not that far away from what Eddie is saying. He’s close enough for Eddie to reach out and grab him and take him out from the bubble he is trapped in. Just the smallest of pushes…

“Maybe you should start asking yourself if proving them wrong is that worthy,” Eddie concludes, “For me it wasn’t. Do you think that you being unsatisfied with your perfect life will teach them a lesson? ‘Cause I think that’s what they really wanted.”

Richie doesn’t reply. He stays still, so encapsulated by his own, indecipherable thoughts that he’s no longer in the scene anymore. Eddie waits, but nothing happens. The bubble doesn’t pop.

D-drop it, Eddie. You did what you… h-had to do. Let’s go.

Eddie nods and turns around, walking towards the exit.

“Goodbye, Richie. Have a nice life.”

You deserve b-better.

His fingers are almost around the doorknob when it happens. Richie says something.

“Did you really mean that?”

Eddie turns back at him, skeptical.

“Mean what?”

Richie inhales deeply.

“You know… that.”

“I meant everything I said, Richie.”

“Yeah, but… Bill said you were…” he gulps, “In love with… with me.”

The answer takes a while to come, but when it does, there’s no shadow of reluctance on it. Confident as a bullet between the eyes.

“Yes.”

“Is that true?”

Eddie nods seriously.

“You’re in love with me?”

“Yes.”

“Not as friends.”

“In a homosexual way.”

“Yes.”

“In an ‘I would suck your dick’ kind of way.”

“Well, maybe not at this particular moment. I’m pretty fucking pissed off right now.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

Richie exhales the smallest amount of air and sits back on the couch.

“Shit, this is… this is a lot,” he mumbles, “I… I don’t know what to tell you… When… when did it start? How did you realize? I know most people just wake up with the revelation that Richie Tozier is the hottest man on Earth, but… you? I thought you were better than that.”

“Could you talk like an adult for one second, please?” he complains, walking back to him, “This is not a joke for me.”

“Damn, Eds, I seriously hope it isn’t, ‘cause you’re giving me a heart attack.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Eddie whispers, sitting next to him, “This was such a stupid idea. Falling in love with you is such a stupid idea in general.”

“I know, right?”

“I’m sorry I told you.”

“I’m kinda sorry you did, too… You’ve… you’ve given me a lot to think, you know?”

“It’s always dangerous to make you think too much,” he chuckles.

Richie giggles, too.

“I could live without knowing it,” he admits, abruptly saddened.

“Yeah, but I couldn’t leave without telling you.”

“I don’t…” He releases a breathless laugh, probably feeling as stupid as Eddie feels, “Fuck, I’ve got to be really honest here, alright?”

“That’s all I’m asking from you.”

“I never… thought about you… in that way, you know? Well, I never thought about any of the Losers in that way. I just… I didn’t think about it. I never saw you like… more than a friend.”

Eddie can’t hide his disappointment. He knew it would happen, but it still hurts.

“I get it… Thanks for—”

“No, wait, there’s more.”

“Oh, fuck, there’s more…”

Richie turns a bit on his seat, now facing him. His lips are parted and convulsing in an almost imperceptible way, perhaps revealing that there are words behind them fighting for coming out. Eddie notices the thick ball of spit sliding down the insides of his throat. This has to be the hardest thing to say for him and Eddie is willing to wait all night long if he must. He came this far to tell his truth and he won’t leave without hearing Richie’s.

“Look, Eds, you never gave it a thought, as far as I know. I didn’t do it, either. It never crossed my mind. But… fuck, this really changes everything, doesn’t it? It’s like when a girl you’ve never been interested in says she wants you and then you start thinking ‘do I want her, too?’ I mean, that kind of thing.”

Eddie’s heart flips.

“Who am I in this situation?” he manages to ask, voice walking on a tightrope, “The girl?”

“Yeah! I-I mean, no. I mean… Fuck, this so hard to explain. I just… I’m just sitting here, trying to remember everything. I feel like… like I missed something. Like It’s still got a part of my memory. A super important part when it was obvious you wanted me and I didn’t notice. Some kind of hint, I don’t know. This is a mess.”

“No, it isn’t,” Eddie corrects him, almost smiling and taking his hand, “I feel like I missed something, too. It all hit me in one instant, too. But you know what? I didn’t question it. I didn’t review my whole life trying to find the exact point when I started… loving you. ‘Cause I didn’t feel like I had to justify myself. This is not a trial, I didn’t do anything wrong. That’s why I can’t tell you when I realized. I don’t have that answer, and if you really understood how I feel, you wouldn’t need it, either.”

Richie looks down, conflicted.

“Jesus fuck…” he whispers.

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s just… you’re holding my hand.”

Eddie looks down, too, and finds out he never let go. The warm presence of the back of Richie’s hand under his palm is terrifying. Everything that he can feel through Bill’s five senses is overwhelming somehow, but Richie’s fingers between his is another level of shock he isn’t prepared to tolerate. Still, he keeps holding his hand, experimentally caressing it with his thumb.

“Oh, yeah,” he confirms, “Want me to… to let go?”

Richie goes stiff.

“Oh, no, it’s okay, really. It’s just…” he gulps, “It feels… different… weird.”

“Oh… you mean good weird or—”

“Good weird,” Richie states, without a shadow of a doubt, “Definitely good weird.”

“Good weird is good.”

“Yeah… it’s good.”

They stare at their hands, mesmerized. They seem to fit together so perfectly, like they were meant to be. Eddie feels embarrassed for thinking that, for becoming such a cliché. He recalls the moments in their childhood when Richie would return from playing in the mud or holding frogs, and try to touch him with his dirty hands. Or when, in cold winter days, he would put them on his cheeks, making him screech from the freezing feeling. Or those legendary birthday parties, always finishing with Richie eating cake without a fork and running after Eddie with his fingers painted with chocolate just to freak him out.

He used to want Richie’s hands so far away from him. He used to hate them so much… and now he feels like he couldn’t live without them. Even without being actually alive, even after dying, he knows he would die again if Richie stops this.

Eddie looks up to his eyes again and Richie imitates him. He didn’t remember his eyes were so big. Maybe the glasses magnified them, but he never thought about them regardless that attention-calling trait. It’s like he never looked at him until now. And by the way his friend is staring back, he could say this is the first time Richie looks at him, too.

Then Richie chuckles.

“Holy shit, this is so embarrassing,” he confesses, shaking his head, “I’m sweating. I feel like an awkward twelve year old.”

“That’s how I feel all the time,” Eddie says, smiling.

“Fuck, man, it’s horrible,” Richie keeps laughing, “How do I make it stop?”

“I don’t know! I just… I don’t know.”

They stay like that for a while, irresistibly amused by their own unease. It’s the best thing they can do, now that their friendship is ruined, for better or worse. There’s no way they can dance around it forever. Be it for a nice closure or a temporal pain in the heart, this will take their relationship to a different place. A place that is scary for both of them, a place that could break them, but different, after all. They both know they need different more than anything.

“I can’t believe this,” Richie whispers, leaving all the jokes behind, “Shit, Eds, you’re here. I can’t… You came back, I’m talking to you. I never thought I’d get to talk to you again. This is… this is fucking insane! I feel like I’m going insane. You’re sure you aren’t It, right?”

“I promise you I’m not It,” Eddie smiles.

“I… Damn, I need you to understand how weird this all is,” he insists, running his free hand over his cheek, making him jump a bit, “’Cause I know it’s you. Like, I really know it’s you. But it’s also Bill. I mean, this is Bill’s face. And I’m so fucking confused.”

“It’s okay. I’m confused, too.”

“There’s so… so many things I want to say. So many things I could never even begin to—”

“Try, Richie,” he murmurs, altering between looking into his eyes and paying quick stares to his lips, “Please try. I wanna hear everything.”

Richie’s fingertips travel down the line of his jaw, until his thumb reaches his lower lip and gently caresses it. Eddie closes his eyes at the touch. It’s measured, tentative, like they’re testing unknown waters and don’t want to drown. Without even realizing it, he gives Richie’s thumb a soft peck.

“I’m so sorry, Eds,” Richie finally breaks, “I can’t believe I left you there. I knew you hated it, I knew you’d be scared, and still I—”

Eddie slowly opens his eyes.

“Stop that,” he begs, “You didn’t leave me there. Can’t you see? I’m here. Bodies mean nothing. When you’re gone —and I hope it happens when you’re very, very old—, you’ll understand that bodies mean nothing. They’re just… they’re just the shape we take to move around the world and feel sensory stuff, nothing else. I’m not in the sewers, I’m here with you. That piece of flesh is rotting and will never be found, but we’re sitting on your couch having a conversation right now. So please don’t apologize. You did what you had to do and I’ll never hate you for that.”

“I… Look, I know you’re right, but you don’t get it. You don’t know how much it fucking hurts. I watched my best friend die. That shit… that shit isn’t rational, it’s like Jackie Chan kicking you on the chest. It just… it hurts so fucking much and you can’t see that.”

“I know it hurts, Richie. Really, I do. It hurt to see you cry, too. That’s why I smiled. I didn’t want our last moment together to be a horrible memory or a traumatic thing. But it really hurt me to see you crying and how I couldn’t do anything to fix it.”

“Why did you have to do that, Eds?” he whimpers, “Nobody asked you to do that. We got ourselves in that place, you didn’t have anything to do with it.”

“Would you let me die?”

Richie frowns.

“Sorry, what?”

“I’m asking you if you would let me die… if I wasn’t already dead. Would you have left me there, staring into the deadlights?”

“What kind of stupid question is that? Fuck, Eds, of course I wouldn’t.”

“Then why is it wrong when I do it? ‘Cause I didn’t do it out of pure friendship?”

Richie exhales a humorless laugh.

“No, really, tell me. Is it about me being gay for you? You think it makes it some corny big gesture from a romantic drama? Some Titanic bullshit?”

“Man, are you fucking serious? I’m glad you saved my life, I don’t care about the reason, but I’m kinda sad you had a horrible death, what’s so homophobic about it?”

“I told you I love you, you fucking asshole, and you can’t even give me a proper answer, but you’ll just say ‘nothing homophobic going on here’.”

“I just don’t have a proper answer! Sorry, Eds, I don’t! I’m fucking confused. I never looked at a man, and I know that’s something ‘straight’ guys say all the time, but it’s the truth. And now I’m not sure if I’m just thankful ‘cause you saved my life and sad ‘cause you died or if I’m…”

He goes quiet before saying it, but Eddie knows well enough. The only reason why he doesn’t interrupt him, is because he’s aware how bad Richie needs to say it. That’s a necessity he can definitely understand.

“I think you get the picture,” Richie finishes, ashamed.

“Yeah, I think I do.”

“I know you didn’t come here to hear me say ‘I have no idea of what the hell is going on…’ I know you needed a ‘me too’ or a ‘fuck off.’ I’m sorry, Eddie Spaghetti.”

“Don’t call me that. But… I guess that’s better than a ‘fuck off’,” he chuckles, “It isn’t a ‘fuck off’, right?”

Richie smiles, too.

“Not a ‘fuck off’ at all.”

“But it isn’t a ‘me too’, either,” Eddie sighs.

“Look, Eds, the thing is…” Richie starts, squeezing his hand for the shortest moment, “I don’t know.”

Eddie looks up at him, perplexed.

“What?”

“Guess this is one of those things that would be a lot easier if you really were here now. Like, your body. Don’t get me wrong, Bill’s eyes are stunning,” he laughs, “but… I wish I was looking at yours. Your real eyes, that now feed the family of a hard-working worm who—”

“Beep-beep, Richie.”

“Sorry, got a bit carried away. I just think… it’d be so… I mean, it shouldn’t be that complicated… if… you know… Ugh, I really want to ask you something, but I don’t know the straight way to say it.”

Eddie can’t help but laugh.

“Then say it in the gay way.”

Richie lets go of his hand, closes his eyes and inhales deeply, like an actor who is preparing to come out to stage. Damn, maybe he does that before acting. And now he’s doing it because of Eddie.

“Alright, I’ll just… say it, okay? But don’t get me wrong.”

“Richie, no one ever gets anything you say, just do it.”

“I’ll do it, I’ll do it! I’m just taking my time, ‘cause… Well, here I come… Can I… Can I kiss you?”

The request takes Eddie by surprise, giving him no chance of camouflaging his shock. His expression doesn’t go unnoticed for Richie, who doesn’t waste a second before start explaining himself.

“I mean, it’d really help me to figure out if… if it’s a ‘fuck off’ or a… ‘me too’… But, I mean, you don’t have to do it. I won’t make you do something you don’t wanna do. I’m not even sure I wanna do it, I just think it would help. And, you know, people say I’m a good kisser. Like, a girl once told me I was the only guy she knew who took his time and didn’t go for tongue-on-tongue action too soon, and that’s when I was nineteen, so it says a lot…”

“Richie—”

“And my ex-girlfriend, not the latest one but the one before her, went crazy when I did that thing… You know, the thing of…” He does a weird movement with his lips that makes Eddie want to run away and never come back, “And that’s a very popular thing. And I was in a romantic comedy like, four years ago, and Vogue said it was one of the best kisses of the year, so—”

“Richie, I—”

“What I’m trying to say is that you won’t be disappointed, if that’s bothering you, but you don’t have to do it if you—”

“Will you fucking listen to me?”

Richie shuts his mouth and gulps.

“Rich, there’s nothing I’d like more than kiss you right now, really, but… this is not my body. I’m not the only one you should be asking for permission.”

They both stay in silence for a while. Richie looks disenchanted, but Eddie can tell he knows he’s right. After everything Bill did to make this last goodbye possible, the goodbye life decided to take away from them, they can’t disrespect him like this. He’s their friend above everything else. Even above their questions.

D-do it.

Eddie jumps at the sudden voice inside his head. Richie goes alert like a hunter’s hound.

“What?” Eddie asks, dazed.

“Is he talking to you?”

“Shhh, I want to hear him…”

Do it if you w-want to, Eddie. It’s okay.

“Bill, are you… are you sure? This is still your body and still your decision. You’ve got the last word on it…”

I-I know. And I’m sure. You both need this… c-closure. I’m not stopping you.

“Fuck, this is… but do you really—”

Eddie, you asked me to t-trust you. Now I’m asking you to… t-trust me. C’mon, kiss him like you mean it.

There’s a complicity in his tone that makes Eddie smile. Richie, who only can hear a half of the conversation, is impossibly confused.

“He said yes?”

Eddie nods, practically shining with happiness.

“Fucking God, he said yes!” Richie exclaims, so excited he almost sounds like he just proposed. Then he takes Eddie by the chin and makes him lean to the side, shouting into his ear, “Thank you, Billy!”

“You know he can still hear you when you talk normally, don’t you?” Eddie groans.

“Oh, don’t you try to change the topic on me, Eds. C’mere and give daddy a kiss.”

And this is the moment when I leave you guys alone.

“Only if you don’t ever call yourself daddy again.”

“No promises,” Richie winks, putting his hand on Eddie’s chin again, this time to bring him closer to his face.

Eddie closes his eyes and gives in. There’s nothing else to do. This is the actual climax of his life. Not his graduation, not his wedding, not his final sacrifice; this. All those years of surviving without living were built specifically to come to this conclusion. Once Richie’s lips meet his, it will all be over. He has to make it count.

It’s a soft touch with the slightest of pressures. They stay together for a few seconds and all Eddie can think about is how unfair it is that Bill is the writer, not him. Because this is the kind of kiss he wished he could describe in the most delightful and detailed way, using all the literary devices that would make the great authors of history claim ‘purple prose, purple prose!’ and go after him with tridents and sharp pencils like a lynch mob. But he can’t do that. He doesn’t have the words to do that.

There’s so much life in this kiss, that’s the only thing Eddie can really say about it. The whole life of any human being could be summarized with this kiss. The hesitation and gentleness of every first kiss, the hunger for new experiences of teenagers who start to discover the other’s body, the trust and dedication of two friends who know they would literally die for each other. Everything compressed in such a simple, yet so meaningful gesture.

Richie’s lower lip caresses Eddie’s upper. Still a touch, no sound or wetness required. Eddie melts against the feeling, their noses rubbing together in an almost awkward way. Richie’s hand is on his cheek and he leans the side of his face against it. They keep brushing their lips together, surrendering to the overwhelming magic of being so close after they thought they had lose each other.

That’s how it ends. They separate and slowly open their eyes, trying to control their panting. Richie was right, it is like being twelve years old again. It feels so unreal, so unbelievable… but not unnatural. Unnatural is the only thing that doesn’t cross their minds.

“I love you, Richie,” Eddie whispers.

Richie bites his lip and groans. It kind of seems like he’s about to puke, but it’s not enough to qualify as a gagging.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back.”

“I want to…” Richie tells him, “I mean, I wish I could, but…”

“You’re not ready,” Eddie finishes, a sad grin on his face.

“I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t—”

“Someday I’ll be,” he hurries to explain, “Just… not today, Eds. Not when you need me to be ready. And I’m really fucking sorry for that.”

Eddie shakes his head, unexpectedly amused.

“Richie, I don’t need you to be ready. Now or in forty more years, I don’t need you to,” he smiles, taking his hand, “But, when you’re ready, I’ll be waiting for you… if you still want me.”

“It might take a long time.”

“Yeah, but… it’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you.”

Richie looks disconcerted for a while, and then laughs.

“Oh, fuck, I remember that song!” he says, “Shit, I… I remember everything.”

Eddie looks down.

“I’m gonna miss you, buddy,” Richie confesses.

“Yeah, me too, but we’ll see each other again… Very fucking soon if you keep up the cancer sticks.”

“And there he is. I’m officially convinced you’re Eds.”

“You still doubted it?”

They laugh again. Considering the situation, laughing is getting way too easy.

“We’re really… meeting again, aren’t we?” Richie dares to ask.

“Sure, why not? I mean, you’ve been my personal hell since we were kids. Like it would be so easy to get rid of you.”

“Now you’re just being mean,” he jokes, “And right when I was starting to think you were a friendly ghost.”

Not willing to listen to more nonsense, Eddie kisses him again. This time with more confidence, more possession, and all Richie can do is take it as it comes and throw his arms around Eddie’s neck, the thought of how no woman in all his life has kissed him like this or made him feel this way invading his mind.

But as soon as it started, it’s over. Eddie backs off and blinks a few times, as if he just came in and has no idea of what is going on. Richie gets it, no matter how much he wished he didn’t.

“He… he’s gone, isn’t he?” He asks, voice low and vacillating.

Bill bites his lower lip, eyes watering. He expected this to happen and he’s been preparing himself for it, but he still needs to convince himself he’s as upset as Richie is. Whatever takes his mind off the fact he can still taste Richie’s mouth on his own.

“I-I… I think he is,” he confirms. The next thing he knows is that they’re in each other’s arms, crying. “I’m so… s-sorry, Rich.”

Richie doesn’t answer. He limits to hold him tight, almost as if he was pretending that Eddie is hiding behind those clothes and hair and face. He refuses to accept a person, a whole person with a name and a job and lots of people around them, can disappear just like that. Being life the most important possession any human being can have, it can’t be fragile and volatile enough to fly out of a body in a mere instant and never come back. It can’t be that simple.

However, he has to face it. Eddie is no longer there. He’s gone. The only thing that exists right now is Bill. His good, old friend Bill, who is showing him support and empathy in a hug that says everything. Who went through all this work just to help both Eddie and him. Bill has to be enough. He must. He should.

Richie is doing all he can to turn this idea into his new religion and philosophy, when he notices something. Bill’s right arm is not holding him anymore.

“You really thought I would leave without saying goodbye?”

Richie grabs his shoulders and pushes him away, a shook expression on his face. Eddie laughs.

“You little shit!”

“I’m sorry…” he apologizes, still chuckling, “I really am, I just… you didn’t think I wouldn’t say goodbye, did you?”

“I don’t know, you’ve been such a spiritual pretentious asshole since you transcended and discovered the secrets of the fucking universe.”

He’s kinda right.

“Well, but I wouldn’t go like that. I mean, unless Bill wants me to…”

They silently wait for an answer that Bill is taking way too much time to give.

You can s-stay as long as you w-want.

Eddie smiles.

“He’s okay with it.”

“Shit, I knew it! Thank you, Billy!” Richie shouts into his ear again.

“Okay, but you really don’t need to do that.”

The three of them laugh.

“I hate to ruin the party,” Richie says, “but exactly how long are you allowed to stay before he recurs to the nearest exorcist?”

“I’ll have to ask him…”

I’ll be in LA for t-two weeks. I’ve got to fix some… st-stuff. You know, producers and e-everything. You can stick around ‘till I go back to England.

“We have two weeks.”

“Two weeks!” Richie exclaims, hopping out his seat, “But that’s such a short time and there’s so much to see! I won’t even be able to take you to all the shitty places where I go to get drunk or get high or get drunk and high or—”

“Richie, that sounds amazing, but I’m really tired and Bill has to be up super early tomorrow. We should get going.”

“Oh.”

“But we can see each other after Bill’s meeting. We could have lunch together and then you can take me to your… shitty places to get drunk and high, if Bill doesn’t mind.”

I don’t mind.

“He doesn’t mind.”

“Uh… well, that’s awesome. My worky things are in the morning, too, so… Guess I’ll see you then.”

“I guess so.”

After a few more uncomfortable chuckles, Richie walks them to the door.

“1PM tomorrow?” He smiles.

“Don’t be late, Trashmouth,” Eddie imitates him.

“Make sure to wear your lace underwear.”

“Please don’t wear the elephant boxers.”

“I threw them away! I’m too fat for them now, anyway… and long.”

“Too much information.”

“Yeah, definitely too much,” he winks.

Eddie rolls his eyes and laughs. They’re serious again before the previous jokes even get the time to settle in.

“You think this will work?” Richie asks, “I mean… us? This scary, weird new thing?”

“Rich, we bit the shit out of a child-eating demon clown… do you really think this is weird and scary?”

“Maybe not that scary but… clearly weird.”

“That’s what I like about you.” He gently holds his hand and squeezes it. “We’ll figure it out.”

Richie nods without hiding the soft smile that reaches his lips.

“Goodnight, Eds.”

“Goodnight.”

With everything said, Eddie turns around and starts walking away, into the dreamily darkness of the garden. Once he hears the front door shutting down, he lets Bill take control again.

“That went w-well,” Bill admits.

It wasn’t a ‘me, too.’

“It wasn’t a ‘fuck off.’”

Eddie doesn’t talk.

“Y-you’ll be fine, Eddie. Just trust me.”

Always.

Tag list: @trippy-alexissss

I know there was more people who wanted to be tagged, but I lost the list with their urls so, if you want to be tagged, please let me know and I’m so sorry for these problems.

#reddie #tozenbrak #bichie #kaspbrough #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #bill denbrough #filling the blanks #it (2017)#it #the losers club #tw// internalized homophobia #tw// death

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whtaft · 6 years

Note

Honestly??? I’ve been doing small creative writing exercises, and I wanted to try and start writing an actual story, but I keep getting discouraged? Like, I see all the amazing writers and I’m automatically like “I can’t do this??” Because I’m shit in comparison?? Pls, any advice? (Also ily thanks in advance❤️💞💓)

So, you came to the right person when it comes to combatingself-doubt in writing, because I am just about the least-confident person Iknow, and I am incredibly self-conscious about my writing! To be honest, I’msuper glad that I started writing before I became part of a fandom because Ithink that it is probably really intimidating to dive in now, when there’s alot of really great stuff already out there. But the fact is that there’salways room for more: more voices, more interpretations, more stories. Thatincludes yours.

So this got kind of long, but basically this is mambo’sunpatented advice on how to write despite crippling self-doubt. These arethings I try to practice myself (to varying degrees of success).

Make writing habitual

Practice

Try writing every day, even when you don’t wantto, even when it’s hard, even when you don’t have time. Don’t make unreasonabledemands on yourself (because we all need a break sometimes) but if you make writinga habit then you’ll improve. It’s as simple as that. (Though, don’t expect towrite 3000 words and you’re suddenly Tolstoy. You need to write a lot. A LOT.)

Set goals that are in your control

Setting goals is a great way to get yourself to dosomething. For me, I try to write 1000 or 500 or 300 words a day, depending onmy life/schedule. I track the numbers so I can see my progress over time, whichI find to be really motivating. If word count isn’t your thing, find somethingthat is. You wanna post one chapter a week, or you want to finish one scene aday… Just find the thing that’ll keep you chugging out your writing.

That being said, make sure that your goals aresomething you control. Don’t make things like number of hits or comments ornotes or kudos a goal, because you can’t control what other people do. Don’tput your motivation in the hands of strangers. That’ll only discourage you fromwriting when you don’t hit those goals.

Process

These are things that help me through difficulttimes in my writing process, so they may or may not work for you, but I’vefound them helpful.

Get a hype person

I have a friend (s/o @hakunahistata) who I go towhen I’m feeling discouraged about my writing or confused or whatever. Shereads my stuff, gives me some opinions, and usually tells me that what I’mwriting is much better than I think it is and that I need to chill. I’m someonewho naturally doesn’t want to share unfinished things with people, so it’s veryvulnerable to give an unfinished product to someone else. But I’ve found thatit’s really affirming and nice to have someone you trust who will work thingsout with you when you’re feeling down!

Don’t edit as you go

Nothing bogs me down as much as editing as I gowhen I’m writing something. I try my best to just plug along, get as much as Ican onto the page, and save editing (whether that’s for spelling or plotreasons) until after I have a completed work. Then you go back having alreadyaccomplished a complete draft and you can edit knowing ‘oh I want to add someforeshadowing in here’ or ‘this doesn’t really work with what I did later’. Itjust gives you an overall better sense of what the fic is and where you want togo and doesn’t leave as much room for self-doubt as you go along.

When in doubt, just write dialog

I don’t know about other people, but I findwriting dialog far more enjoyable than any other part of the writing process.So when I’m stuck in a scene and don’t know where I want it to go, I just writedialog and ignore everything else. Then I can go back later and add in movementand commentary, etc.

Have multiple things going on

At any given time, I have between two and seven “long”WIPs that I’m working on. I get frustrated with one? I work on another. I getfrustrated with two? I work on a third. It makes me slow down on all of my works,and allows me to return to them with fresh eyes and ideas. It also means that Idon’t pressure myself to work on things I don’t want to work on (unless it’sfor a fandom event). If something stops being fun, I move on. No harm, no foul.

I also do the short Tumblr prompts for the samereason. They’re little writing exercises (like you do!) that let me explorethings in a low-pressure, short-term way. They’re also just fun to write!

Fandom

So, this is less ‘advice from someone who knowswhat they’re doing’ and more ‘stuff that I, personally, struggle with but tryto practice but not always’. Just know that you’re not alone in feelingself-doubt when it comes to fandom and comparison. It’s something that a lot ofpeople struggle with, myself included.

There is a place for your work

As I said before, there is room for everyone.Don’t sell yourself short by thinking that since there are already many storiesout there, you can’t include yours. You have a unique perspective, stories totell, and a desire to share. That in of itself is important and get you far!

Try, try, try, try, try, try, try not to compareyourself to others

This is the big one and the hardest one. It’seasy to compare yourself to others when there are so many talented people whoparticipate in fandom. Try not to. Enjoy the work of people you appreciate, butunderstand that they have their own voice and that doesn’t take away fromyours. Just try to appreciate that they’re putting themselves out there and arejust hoping for the best in the same way you are. Learn from them, but don’tcompare yourself. This’ll just put undue pressure on yourself in an alreadyvulnerable position.

Don’t talk shit about yourself

I’m so guilty of this, but try not to talk shitabout yourself. Even if you’re joking, every time you say “I’m such a badwriter” it reinforces that notion just a little bit more in your mind. Try yourbest to turn things around from “I’m not as good as they are” to “I writethings differently than they do, and that’s okay”; or, “this fic sucks” to “thisfic is a first draft and there are a lot of good ideas there, but I need topolish up some of the writing and clean up some plot holes”.

Play to your strengths

I know I have a niche in fandom. I write fluffy,cute AUs that will (hopefully) make people happy. Would I like to write 250,000word long epic alternative-canon fics that fix everything wrong with canon andinclude large-scale fights and medical scenes? Yes. Of course I would! Thosestories are awesome. But will I? Probably not. Don’t not challenge yourself,but also… just understand who you are, what you want to write, and understandthe importance of having your story out there. It’ll find an audience. Don’t beatyourself up for writing the ‘wrong’ kind of fic, or for writing fic that’s too ‘insert-adjective-here’.Your story will find its audience and mean something to them. What’s mostimportant is that you enjoyed writing it and the story means something to you.

Don’t put your happiness in other people’s hands

This goes back to numbers again. It’s easy toquantify success in fandom based on hits, kudos, notes, and comments. There areso many factors that are out of your control here and it can drive you crazy.This is why I’ve wanted to stop writing fics several times and it’s probablywhat I (a person cursed with being both incredibly sensitive and naturallycompetitive) struggle with the most here. I don’t have great advice for notdoing it, but I can tell you from firsthand experience that it’s not healthy. Tryyour best to ignore the numbers and to appreciate every good thing that comesyour way.

Celebrate your victories

When you reach a goal, celebrate. When you getover a hurdle that you’ve been struggling with, celebrate. When someone tellsyou that your writing touched them, celebrate. Writing can be really tough,isolating, and discouraging. Make sure that you take time to be proud of whatyou’re doing. Even if you don’t share it, even if you don’t reach your goals,know that what you’re doing is making you a stronger writer and that, at theend of the day, you’re doing it for yourself.

To write and to share work with people puts you in a reallyvulnerable position. I’m proud of you for starting and I’m proud of you fortrying. And I’m sorry I wrote 1,500 words about this. I’m just sensitive andhave a lot of feelings on this topic. This is actually a trimmed-down versionof this essay. You’re welcome for not including the rest.

#I Wrote This At Work Because I Am SO BORED #I'm Sneaking On Here Shh Don't Tell Anyone #Fic Stuff

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franeridart · 6 years

Note

Did you know @boku-no-headcanons made cannons for your bakushimanari art?

Nope, this is the first I heard of it! But as long as they’re not reposting my stuff they can do whatever, I’m happy my stuff can inspire them!

Anon said: saw u in youtube rewind congrats

.................. are you sure this ask was meant for me?

Anon said:I tried to message you, I found some accounts using your art if you're interested in knowing who they are :/

Anon said:@sweetheart_kirishima on instagram posted your art without credit.

Unless it’s tumblr, which has a form I can fill specifically for reposts to have the thing taken down, I can’t actually do anything even if you guys tell me. It’s... frustrating, cause you’d think by this point such popular social media sites/apps would have some way for preventing art thefts, but they got no report option that can be used for art unless I’m the copyright owner - does that apply to fanarts when the characters aren’t mine and I wasn’t authorized by the original author to make them? Probably not. So I can’t do anything for it, not even ask the reposter to be kind and take my art down, cause as I’ve already said I’m not on any of those platforms

So I thank you both a lot for having thought about letting me know, but it’s... sort of useless. If you could ask the reposter on my behalf though I’d be incredibly grateful!

Anon said: your kiribaku childhood friends au give me life tHANK YOU

YOU’RE WELCOME THANK YOU FOR LIKING IT!!!

Anon said: Kiri kind of reminds me of Dave with his hair like that! (They would look great together now i think about it haha) I love you and your art, I hope you enjoy creating it as much as i like to look at it :) xx

Thank you!!!!! And yeah, the mohawk is still a mohawk after all isn’t it haha Dav’s is less tidy tho, cause he’s a s l o b (not really)

Anon said:yknow how people have hunkspirations to get fit? your art is my hunkspiration to draw

That’s so nice!!! holy smokes!!!!! I hope your arting is going great, anon!!!

Anon said:the new chapter has me crying over bakukami omfg these lo s e RS I'm so glad they're friends

WHAT A MOOD THO

Anon said:HELLO, YES, I'D LIKE MY HEART BACK PLEASE BECAUSE YOU JUST WRECKED IT WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AU. Kiri is so pretty in it, like oh wow, and Bakugou's brilliant and I LOVE IT. (Also 'manly shit' and 'Katsu,' just slay me now so this happiness never fades).

Ahhhhhh I’m happy you liked it!!!!!!!! And yah Kiri calling Bakugou Katsu is a weakness of mine, did you know that? Maybe you noticed since I always have him do that haha it’s cause it’s written with the kanji for victory! Isn’t that a manly nickname? I like to think Kiri would like it for that haha

Anon said: I love how often (from reading the tags on your art) it's like "oops my hand slipped and now you get some krbk instead of something else" lol

It does happen incredibly often! By now they’re so comfortable to draw for me that I end up drawing them without even realizing haha that’s what happens when you spend a year and a half drawing always the same two kids lol

Anon said:Ah Fran I love your glasses Bakugou so much! Ever since Kami added those shades to his hero costume it has me convinced he'd be so ridiculously cute in glasses too! I hope you enjoy that adorable mental image :)

You mean Kami? He sure would! Kiri would too! Sero also!!! MINA TOO!!!!! Actually we have canon Mina with glasses I think

yup, what a beauty haha

Anon said:Your kiribaku childhood AU killed me! I just wanted to ask: in your opinion if Kiri&Baku met in middle school do you think they’d be friends? Baku has a habit of rejecting anyone who’s “weaker” than him &seeing how kiri was do you think they’d be friends? Or Baku not noticing kiri until he’s his equal?Or maybe having a crush on the cute black haired kid but never doing anything about it? Baku Rejecting kiri if he tried to confess to him?Sorry this is long but I just love your perception of them!

Whether they’d like each other/get along would depends on at which point and in which way they’d meet, I guess! Middle school was a complicated period for both of them, so it really depends - a few examples of how it could go are

they meet cause they frequent the same middle school - that implies they meet during the first year, when Bakugou was still full on bully/cocky asshole. Kirishima probably wouldn’t like him much because of it, would try to fight him. Bakugou might find him annoying/get pissed at how he thinks himself good enough to fight him. Definitely wouldn’t get along at first, might change their minds as they get to know each other or just keep on having a shitty relationship forever. I find more beliavable the first, since they do have really compatible personalities, but Bakugou was really convinced of his position as above everyone else back then and Kirishima would have never let him act like he was better than him without putting up a fight, so maybe not. Might actually fuck up their relationship in highschool too, really

they frequent different middle school, but happen to see each other outside of school before the sludge incident - if they were to meet cause Kirishima got in the middle of Bakugou bullying Deku, not much would change from option one. But if they were to meet for unrelated reasons, they could get along - Kirishima might think Bakugou manly, Bakugou might appreciate Kirishima’s guts (as long as Kiri doesn’t try to fight him). At first the relationship would definitely be unbalanced, because Kirishima would have no way of proving to Bakugou he’s at his same level since he wouldn’t be, but with time this might change. I can see Kirishima throwing himself at random bullies and Bakugou sighing and sometimes waiting for Kirishima to get his ass beat so maybe he’ll learn while other times lazily strolling up till he’s standing next to Kirishima to scare the bullies away. Bakugou’s... Bakugouness might do something to Kirishima’s self-esteem and could have him have his breakdown sooner, but by that point Bakugou might like him enough to do something about it. Or not. He’s still a cocky and self-centered ass at this point, after all. Kirishima’s presence might help with his bullying habit. Or not. Again, still an egoistical and egocentrical fucker at that point. Worse comes to worst, their relationship starts becoming more equal after the sludge incident/kiri seeing gigantomachia

they frequent different middle schools, but meet outside of school after the sludge incident but before kiri sees gigantomachia - this is probably my favorite one as far as them meeting in middle school goes. Bakugou at this point is questioning if he’s actually as strong as he always assumed he was, starting to feel like he needs to prove his worth to the world and himself, while Kirishima is still convinced he’s plain and weak, too scared to actually voice his dreams, but still tries to do his best and help those in need in front of him. If they were to meet at this point, Bakugou might actually find something to admire in Kirishima, find strength in him even - with the down-to-earth optimism and practical positivity, aware of reality but working to fix what he can, not letting circumstances and defeats bring him down. It might help Bakugou put into perspective the sludge incident, instead of just dwelling on it till it became a bomb ready to explode. Kiri would find Bakugou manly and cool, just like in canon, and they’d be able to build a relationship on equal grounds - Kirishima might even open up to him about how he wishes to try for UA, but he’s nearly sure he’s gonna fail. Bakugou might tell him that as he is right now he’s gonna fail for sure. He might also tell him that a quirk is like a muscle, and muscles get stronger if you train them, so just fucking stop wasting time and train yourself till your quirk is worth something, for fuck sake. By the time the event of Kiri’s backstory roll around, Bakugou might actually be there to hold Kirishima up and not let him go through it by himself. I dunno about crushes, but I do love this scenario and the relationship they’d end up having because of it

they frequent different schools, meet after Kirishima’s meeting with gigantomachia - there wouldn’t be many differences compared to the canon version of their meeting, I think. Bakugou might be a little more subdued, maybe, but generally it’d be the same.

these are just real general cathegories, depending on how the meeting unfolds anything might happen so really, who knows - there’s too many possibilities to be sure of anything, really haha

Anon said:fran ur art its so cute ty for posting it!!! also i just wanna say i think your art has improved so much since i started to follow you!! the first drawings of yours i saw were your old aokaga and i think really youve improved a lot!! (not that you were bad at first but your style has evolved?? idk a good word for it but its not meant as a Bad thing)

Lmao no anon, don’t worry, I was really, really bad back then. It was like, super terrible. I’m glad you think I’ve improved though!!!! This sort of asks mean a whole damn lot to me, make it worth keeping on drawing haha thank you!!

Anon said:i gotta admit, after checking out sero's quirk i can only think: pranks. esp with the double-sided tape trick

Have you ever seen this comic holy fuck hahaha

Anon said:i read that fic by newamsterdam a while back and can't stop thinking about it!!!!

Best fic I’m following at the moment honestly!!!

Anon said:Hi I love your art! It's absolutely amazing and your comics are SO cute!! I hope you have a wonderful day!~

THANK YOU!!!! I hope you’ll have a super wonderful day too!!!!

Anon said:your kirbaku/bakushima is just so nice and lovely??? and your art style is great adorable??? gdfljwblk thenks for mi life

You’re SO SWEET!!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *holds*

Anon said:The line work in your drawings lately is looking even smoother and more refined than before! :)

.....................I actually feel like I’m getting super effin sloppy so??? I guess hearing this feels good???? Like oh I’m not actually as much of a mess as I thought haha thank you for the compliment!!!! :D

Anon said:Do you think Bakugou would ever say babe or other sweet nicknames?

Yah I think so. Like, not all nicknames, like “honey” probably never or “sweetheart” highly umprobable, but babe or gorgeous/handsome/beautiful or love, I can see him using those! Mostly cause Mitsuki’s personality was obviously based on Bakugou and she calls Masaru “dear”, so I think Bakugou does have the... predisposition for it, let’s say it like that haha he might more whisper them/keep them private, but I do think he’d use them~

Anon said:You're so good at emitting moods/vibes through your art?? Like, every single time you just... Idk what kind of magic you... I love you??? You turn me to putty Fran.

sob this is such a nice ask oh my god, thank you so much!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Everytime I see your art on my dash it makes me smile, there's something inherently cheerful about your art style. Love it

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! That’s the best think I could have ever been told about my style, I’m super glad you see it like this!!!!

Anon said:omg you don't understand how much i love your art !!! i mean i check you blog everyday to see if you posted something and when you do i'm always so happy, it put me in a good mood everytime i don't know how you do it but i love it !!!! also the way you draw smiles is so cute :D

THANK YOU LOTS OH MY GOD!!!!!! AHHH!!!! making people smile is the best thing ever!!! I’m!!!!!!!!!! happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D now I’m smiling hahaha

Anon said:how does... is... clothing folds?!?!

B o y anon I’m terribly sorry but........... the horrible secret is that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing when I draw clothes’ folds. Like, at all. All I keep in mind while going at it is that gravity is a thing and clothes are affected by it too, and that’s about it ;;; I’m incredibly sorry, but I’m pretty sure someone that actually knows what they’re doing would look at my stuff and see a lot of mistakes, so maybe it’s best if I don’t give tips about this to anyone, least I spread more misinformation than anything else orz I’m sure there’s good tutorials for it around, tho!!

Anon said:Will we ever see more comics of the poly au with bokuto, kuroo and terushima? I binged those comics and LOVED it

Probably not, sorry orz posting for hq lately is... making me sad, in the long run, so hq comics might not come around for a long time, from me. Too much time I should spend on them. Dunno about simple art tho, it’s a maybe for that! And thank you for liking the series!!!!

Anon said:As soon as I saw u added the kekkai sensen art sticker to redbubble I bought it omg bless 💕

THANK YOU SO MUCH HOLY HECK!!!!

Anon said:any chance we could expect more of kirishima's shy senpai? absolutely no pressure! i'm honestly just curious since you seemed fond of him a while back. :)

And I still am! I’ll for sure draw more of him soon enough, don’t worry!

Anon said:I'm sooo sad :'( I wanted to buy a mobile case from you but it's just for iPhone.... I love you art so much *-*

There’s for both iPhones and Samsung, actually! But if you have another brand then it’s no good ;;; sorry ;;;;;;;;;;;;

#fran answers #this is #what i get for procrastinating #anyway there's headcanons in here so it's actually less asks then the time it took me to answer them might suggest haha #if i haven't answered your ask I'M SORRY I MIGHT HAVE MISTAKENLY DELETED IT #it happend on my main so might have here too #i definitely read it when it came around #but if it was important for me to answer it then please do send it again! <3 #im sorry for the trouble #as i said #this is what i get for procrastinating orz #anonymous

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serrpentine · 7 years

Photo

AU DRABBLE: NOVEMBER OF 1988. THANKSGIVING. / erin & axl continue to have the same dreams of having a family in this world, both coming together, attracted by the idea of making up their own childhood that’s shaped them into the people they are now. but it possibly…comes much too soon while they’re both too young & naive to even think about starting that family. the singer certainly can’t handle the pressure of his career & another human to look after, erin especially can’t do it on her own. & maybe for awhile they become their own WORST fears, their parents. but not even cold november rain lasts forever.

Ding. The small white timer beside the oven in the tiny kitchen nestled on the right side of their small apartment signaling the turkey is finished after 8 good hours of cooking. Thanksgiving turkey Erin is cooking up for their dinner this evening. It’s just 3, but it’s still a bit late to just be waking up as Axl finally has stirred out of the bedroom and comes dragging himself into the kitchen with messy hair and tired eyes, rubbing the sleep out of them.

Doing shows until 2 in the morning and not getting home around 4 does that to a guy. But the longer the gig lasts, longer they stay more money they earn. And he’s desperate to scrounge every little dollar for him and his family. He’s found out it’s certainly hard buying for another person over the last three years. But it’s worth it, and it’s why he’s done such a good job at keeping his promise he made a few November’s ago.

“Mmm. Something smells good.” Red brows lift, smiling despite being sleepy faced. “I can’t wait to devour that.” Grinning as he watches the curly haired girl take the turkey out, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. Planting a kiss to her ear, another to her cheek. Liking how he always manages to get a sweet giggle to escape her from his simple loving gestures. “I love you.” The gruff toned singer hums just before Axl lifts his head, glancing around, “Where’s Riley?” Since usually if he’s not by his side he’s with his mother. Erin gives a glance around too, saying he was just there. Probably in his room playing. “I wanna see my boy, I’ll go see what he’s up to.” The redhead smiles, placing another kiss to her cheek before letting his girlfriend go. Axl crosses the living room, not finding him there so he must be in his room. Taking a left and going down the small hall, he pushes his door open and only finds a messy bed and toys along with art stuff scattered across the four year old’s room.

S C R E E C H. That’s what he hears next, it’s what catches his attention and leads him to turn around. Facing the other room that’s right across his bedroom and that’s his office. A room that’s strictly off limits to everyone that isn’t him. Axl’s heart beat already begins to pump, wondering what the hell that was and he grows more nervous at hearing the racket that’s being made before he extends his hand out and pushes the door open just to find the most horrific scene. His box of cassettes tipped over and scattered across the carpet, IMPORTANT cassettes and paper work strewn across the desk. That’s not even the worst of it, his eyes widen big as quarters as Axl sees his DEMO tape. The only copy he has of Don’t Cry and the tape has been yanked and tattered out of the two circles as the smaller redhead holds it in his hands.

“What the fuck—” Rushing in, the door making a loud thud against the wall he slings it open so hard, “are you doing?” Snatching it out of his hands, Axl looks at the tape pulled out of its rolls in HORROR, “You DIDN’T just tear this to fucking pieces.” Blood has already began to rise, breathing heavy. IT’S RUINED! It’s ruined and there’s nothing he can do to fix it. He quickly turns to the boy responsible, snapping a little too cruel and rashly, “What the fuck did you do this for, HUH? You know you’re not supposed to fuckin’ be in HERE. I worked too goddamn hard on this shit and LOOK at it! LOOK THE FUCK AT IT! IT’S FUCKING RUINED! Because of you! Because of your fucking BULLSHIT.” The boy’s green eyes look terrified up at his raging father, brows knitting and not a second to spare before he cracks and breaks out into a loud cry, “SHUT UP.” Chucking the ruined tape at the wall, scaring the boy even more which results in his cries to grow louder.

The next thing that’s swirling through the redhead’s mind is Axl grabbing his wrist, storming out of the room with his son just as Erin’s picked up on all the yelling and hearing their sons cries as she comes rushing in their direction wanting to know what’s going on. What happened, what are you doing, Axl hears. “That demo tape I worked my ass off on?? I stayed up for a week trying to perfect? RUINED! Fuckin’ RUINED. That’s what fucking happened! Why’d you let him in there for? It’s your fuckin’ FAULT too why it’s INTO FUCKIN’ PIECES now. YOURS.” Jabbing his finger into her shoulder. Itching to grab her stupid face that looks a lot like his, scared and like she’s about to cry as well.

Erin tries pulling Riley away from Axl’s grasp, but he quickly pulls the boy along towards the front door. “You’re gonna learn your lesson. You’re gonna learn your lesson RIGHT fucking now.” Axl shoves whatever shoes are by the door on, slinging the door open and having to pull the four year old out into the hall while Erin tries to keep up, pleading him to leave him alone but he looks over his shoulder once with his cruelest glare, demanding, “Shut the fuck up.” in his meanest snarl. One she knows if she doesn’t watch it will end her up with something bruised, something she’d rather keep avoiding the little boy from witnessing. She’s left to stand back and finally cry, hoping whatever he has in mind doesn’t hurt him. Axl wouldn’t hurt him though. Would he? Sometimes she still questions it. Shaking her head, of course not. Their child is different. He isn’t as easy to hurt.

Axl’s angry, rash and much too caught up in a unstable mind state where everything his stepfather did to him pours out of HIM as he continues to tug the boy where he wants him to go despite his pitiful cries, nearly throwing a tantrum, until they’re outside the apartment. Leading the boy to the bushes and where a few skinny trees are. “Find you a branch and go break it off, RIGHT NOW.” A finger sharply pointing in the direction of the tree. He’s going to pick out his own switch just like his stepdad dad to him and punish him with it. Riley rubs at his eyes, looking frightened at the tree. That’s where the switch is. “No da-ddy.” Swallowing and shaking his head, his cheeks damp. It still doesn’t faze the older redhead, all he can think about is how his hard word is fucking destroyed because of HIM. Not how the little boy doesn’t typically do much to be a bad child or deserves such treatment. Or simply how scared he’s making him.

Axl won’t have it, he’s pressing his hands on his back and pushing him towards the tree. “Sorry. I s-orry.” Whining in between his words, but he knows he’ll get more spankings if he disobeys so he’s walking to the tree himself. Crying through it all as he struggles to even break a twig off, hands not even strong enough to do it yet and after a second Axl’s patience wears totally thin and he’s snapping it off the tree for him. “Get the hell back inside, LET’S GO.” Grabbing his wrist again, pulling him all the way across the yard, back into the building and up the stairs.

The frustrated man shoves the door open, slamming it back closed and not even waiting to take the thin stick to the boy’s backside. He immediately begins whipping him with it and loud cries of pain of the branch coming in harsh stinging contact with his skin. Giving him more than he even deserves, his head hot with rash ANGER. It’s finally after a minute of the little boy’s squealing that it finally gets to Axl. It sends flashbacks to him crying and screaming at that age, except it hurt worse because he was getting a switch taken to him AND being beat in the head with his stepfather’s fist. He may not be laying a hand on him in that way, but it still feels like he’s mimicking his terrible stepfather to a T. Erin’s over in the living room, crying with her ears covered before she can’t take much more of the child’s screaming. She doesn’t care if she gets punished. Standing up, she comes rushing down the hall, “Stop!” Reaching out for the boy, “You’re hurting him.” She’s begging him to just stop, Riley didn’t mean to tear up the demo tape and all of his other important things, it’ll never happen again but Axl’s quickly shoving her away. She’s lucky the Mr. Hyde in him is finally being overtaken by Dr. Jekyll, the good side of him winning over the monstrous side.

Throwing the stick down, he pulls Riley to his room, the little redhead has no problem running inside and crawling on his bed, hugging his teddy bears for safety, “And don’t you try coming out until I say you can either.” Still possessing such a cruel tone however, no sign of his kind and soothing voice, slamming the door back before turning to Erin who’s just now picking herself up off the ground, “Don’t fuckin’ interfere ever AGAIN either. He fuckin’ needs to learn a goddamn lesson after destroying all of my SHIT.” Roughly grabbing her face because he’s still blaming her as well, Erin pulls away without saying anything though. Opening Riley’s door and slamming the door shut, locking it behind her before she quickly goes to wrap her arms around her baby. Axl feels like tearing through that door, dragging her out and using nothing but his hands and FISTS on her because the anger in him isn’t satisfied until it attacks HER. But he’s kicking the door with his foot, nearly busting the thin wood in the bottom before he makes himself turn away.

Going to the office room, he stares at the small mess the boy had made before he goes completely a-wall on the entire room. Ripping down papers, throwing around records and tapes, important papers he’s definitely going to need for later. It’s only the start of a breakdown, he keeps clawing, tearing, kicking. Kicking and tearing until he grows lightheaded, feeling like the very world around him is spinning. Spinning until he can’t see anymore and he’s falling without a chance to even stumble, falling flat on his back in the middle of the internal tirade going on his head, his head hitting against the wall behind him hard. He actually manages to knock himself out until he sees nothing but black for a minute or two, just before his eyes come back open and they fill with tears.

How can he do his family this way?

Tightly closing his eyes shut, tears slipping down his cheeks. He knows what Riley did was wrong, he knows he deserved some sort of punishment. But he knows this isn’t the way of doing it. And it’s not the way of realizing what he did wrong punishing him for after his anger has chilled down and he can think straight, but it’s too late. Axl sits up, looking at the mess of a room. It still angers him, how hard he worked on that demo to perfect it, he lost a lot. But it’s not worth getting this angry at a young boy that is just learning right from wrong. It makes him sadder because Axl knows how much he wants to be like him, he wants to do everything he does because he’s fascinated and loves his imperfect father. How can he treat a little boy that loves him so much this way? How can he turn around and be everything his stepfather was, everything he never wanted to be. It’s a long few minutes of wondering how he can be so despicable sometimes, a long few minutes of crying and hating himself before he finally decides he has to apologize. He needs to talk to him..and Erin.

Axl stands in front of the door, getting the courage to finally knock. “It’s me. Can I talk? Please.” Erin’s head lifts, they got lost watching cartoons. Axl. She’s cautious but she can already tell in his voice that he’s Axl again. Thinking on it for a moment, she finally stands to unlock the door. She still doesn’t look too happy, but Axl’s making the effort to try and speak. “Can I talk to him? Please. I’m sorry.” She can see how puffy his eyes are, the tears in them. The familiar guilt he always gets in his eyes after he’s come to terms at the damage he’s done. Erin figures he’s calm now, so she’s nodding and stepping out. Axl watches her before peaking into the room, the little boy looking at his father right away and using his bears and blanket to hide his face. A frown curves Axl’s features, taking a slow few steps in. “You have every right to be mad, but don’t be scared of me. I’m not going to hurt you.” The words, just saying it aloud, hurts his father. Riley somewhat lifts the blanket back down, deeply frowning at Axl. The older redhead takes a seat beside him, taking his smaller hand and giving it a squeeze.

“Look, you can’t…go into dad’s work place room. I worked so hard on that, it made me angry that you tore it up. But being a little rough with you and scaring you isn’t right of me either. You did earn a punishment, but I went about it wrong. I’m sorry for yelling at you, I never mean to yell.” Arms moving around to hold him tight as Riley inches closer and Axl pulls him on his lap, tears finding their way down his pale cheeks again, leading his head against his son’s smaller one. Riley senses the point and love he’s trying to direct towards him, his small hand reaches up to wipe dad’s tears away. “I won’t do it’s again. I promise.” The boy frowns, sadly speaking. The way he wipes his tears and speaks to him like that only makes Axl cry more, he gently places his hand on his back, rubbing it. “I’m sorry for being bad and tearin’ your special stuffs up.” Riley adds and Axl frowns too, quickly telling him, “It’s a mistake, you didn’t mean to. Just like I didn’t mean to scare and hurt you.” Axl kisses his forehead, the little boy understands but he never wants to upset his dad. He feels better at the affection he gets though. “You’re a special little boy, you’re so talented and smart. You know?” Axl smiles. “I am?” he asks, brows raising.

“Of course you are. Where’d you get it from?” Axl questions. “From mommy aaand…you.” His tiny pointer finger pokes his chin. “I definitely believe you got it from mommy, she’s real smart huh? Like the smartest girl on the entire planet. That’s no lie.” The older redhead smiles a little wider. “Yeah, that really is true!” Getting excited over it, he has the smartest mom on the planet. “Do you forgive me?” Axl thinks to question, keeping his eyes on him. “I forgive you. Forgive me?” he asks in return and it makes his father’s heart pang a little. “I forgive you, baby. Let’s go eat some turkey, want to?” Questioning, getting his excited as he bounces before it works in making Riley light completely up. “Yeah, yeah!” Axl stands, carrying him and quickly walking to the kitchen. Riley points to mama cutting into the turkey, a silent way of saying talk to her. “I’m sorry, Erin. Do you forgive me?” Approaching her side, the girl turns to him after a moment. After considering everything she heard her boyfriend say to their son, she figures if Riley can forgive she can too. They’ll just have a bigger talk about it later when they’re alone. “I forgive you.” Her sweet voice finally speaks. “ “I love you. Can I get a kiss?” Axl quietly asks, feeling like a kicked puppy. Erin faintly smiles and returns the love you, leaning to give him a small one on the lips. “Thank you.” Axl brightly smiles, kissing her lips again before turning to Riley, “I love you. Can I get a kiss too?” He questions before the little boy leans to peck him on the lips, “I love you too, daddy.” Those words. Aren't they still so strange? But he melts because he loves him. It makes the singer want to tear up for the tenth time but he's refraining.

Axl places the boy down, helping getting plates down and the food out. Three plates being filled with delicious turkey, gravy, and dressing. Warm pumpkin pie placed to the side for later as they sit down to finally eat as a family. The first bite and Axl's already humming, so is Riley. “I don't know about you, but mom is also the best cook in the world. Oh my goodness.” Shoving more gravy and dressing into his mouth, humming loudly. Riley eagerly nods, gravy getting all over his face, they're both like dogs devouring some delicious food. Erin giggles and feels content with herself, liking how much praise her food is getting. Around the time they're finishing up with stuffed bellies, the clock strikes five and that means ABC is playing A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. “Oh yeah! We gotta go. It's time for Snoopy.” Axl is the first to jump up after giving the clock a glance over. Erin's momentarily confused as he grabs Riley from his seat, hauling him off to the living room until she gets Snoopy. “Come on, Er! Forget the dishes for right now. Come watch it with us.” The redhead turns the television on the channel before quickly taking a seat, Riley excitedly climbing in his fathers lap. “Here he comes, here comes Snoopy! He's my favorite.” The little redhead announces, grinning up at his dad. “He's my favorite too.” Axl grins back at him, patting his pudgy belly before wrapping one arm around Erin as she comes to take a seat next to them. “You're both my favorite.” He kisses Erin's cheek, then Riley's head. Sometimes this life gets hard, but these are the moments living for. And if Axl is thankful for anything this year and the years to come, it's his family. No matter how hard it gets sometimes, even if that means he has to record and make a song all over again. It's not worth getting angry over when he has something so special as his child. And Erin. They each deserve nothing but the best, he just has to get better at his own issues. But if he plans to do anything, it'll be just that. Getting better for them.

#erinseverly #:)))#I was gonna cut it off after the sad parts and make a part two #but that would've been just evil 💀#😂#but I'm sobbing :) bye

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