#it's really not that complex but i needed to make myself like a visual guide
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[ID: A photo of the fountain in the Piazza Della Cinque Scole, featuring a gorgon head on the fountain, water visibly falling, and a bird perched on the rim, bathing and getting a sip of water.]
Okay, well, Piazza Della Cinque Scole is a lot more complex than I anticipated when my dumb ass walked into it looking for a place to eat a macaroon.
I didn't know when I booked my room that I was on the edge of the historic Roman Jewish ghetto, but when I found out later, I did somewhat plan a day around it. The idea was to go to the kosher bakery I'd heard was really good for breakfast, then stroll up to the Great Synagogue of Rome and do the museum and synagogue tour, and I have reservations for a late lunch at a historic local restaurant to try the Jewish fried artichokes (and obviously also now the Grandpa Balls, for those who saw the earlier post). I had wanted to attend Kabbalat Shabbos on Friday, but I got into Rome far too late, unfortunately.
What I didn't expect when I walked into the Museuo Ebraico di Roma this morning was for the first placard I read to explain to me that the Cinque Scole were the five distinct cultures of Judaism that one of the Popes crowded into the ghetto and furthermore that eventually they all were housed in one building, because all the Jews of Rome were only allowed one place of worship. So that's simultaneously even more awesome in re: imagine the shouting, and also an unavoidable and terrible aspect of the persecution of Jews in Europe. But yeah, it turns out the little plaza where I ate breakfast is hugely historically important to Roman Jewish history.
Good start to the day, actually; a lot of my most meaningful encounters with Judaism come from coincidence, which is the kind of chaos I just live in. And then I got to see the Great Synagogue, which certainly is a lot. It's a gorgeous building inside and out, but our tour guide told us that it was designed by gentiles because the Jews had no architects at the time (probably to do with being forbidden to own their own houses) so it's very, uh, unusual. It seems to be (both visually and from the tour guide's speech) that the architects basically said "Let's make a church that's, you know....exotic," and the result is a very pretty synagogue that looks like it's also a basilica and an art deco hotel lobby, all at the same time.
I have a couple of minutes before lunch reservation so I thought I'd come home and drop off the souvenirs I bought; getting to the restaurant should be fairly easy if I take the alleys instead of the main streets as planned. This whole area is basically wide alleys that occasionally open into interesting courtyards, but aside from some areas that are barricaded off from cars, they're also city streets -- cars and motorcycles drive through them all the time, and it will be a miracle if I get out of Rome without getting pasted into a wall by a Fiat. (Most of the cars on these alley-streets are Mini Coopers and I figure if a Mini Cooper tries me I can just kick it onto its side.)
I found a super cool Jewish antique store near the museum, so I bought a lovely almond-blossom brooch for Mum for mother's day and a khamsa bracelet for myself, and also a fidget ring inscribed in Hebrew that I'm pretty sure has the traveler's prayer on it but I'm going to need to check next time I've got Sefaria open.
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if it's okay, would you mind sharing your art process? your style is SO gorgeous dude. keep it up spardacest nation!!!
Thank you so much anon, and of course!
I kinda posted about it on twitter a while ago, but for anyone not also on there, here's a paraphrasing of what I said there!
(under a cut bc it's gonna get a bit long)
(speedpaint video from procreate mostly bc like I also said in that post, it's one of the few pieces I've done entirely on procreate and thus entirely recorded kdfjhdk I usually don't do the sketching + painting parts on there but every now and then I get lazy and want to get it all done quick in one program lol! It's not as good as it would look if I were using krita to render (which is what I normally use) but it gets the idea across decently of what it is that I do)
The short version of my process is:
sketch, clean up sketch for lineart, then flat colors, then paint over the flats (i make the flats my shadows and paint on the light), then a multiply layer for skin details (like lips, eyebags, etc), then an overlay layer for skin transparency details (red over the ears/nose/fingertips etc), then i do hair over the lineart, then a multiply layer with the contact shadows in a light beige/grey/neutral tone on top of everything else, and then i unify layers, paint over the details, and color correct the HELL out of it
The longer version is:
SO, first of all, I will say, my entire process for a finished/fully redered piece is pretty scattered and uses a lot of different apps, because after many years of trying out different drawing apps I found that I just worked better when I could incorporate the parts I liked best from each individual one rather than having to adapt to another app entirely!
In total, what I use is: autodesk sketchbook and procreate for the first half I do on my ipad, then krita and photoshop on my computer when I'm actually rendering (but any photo editing app instead of ps will do, I'm just used to photoshop bc that's what I learned as my first drawing app WAAAY back in the day lol), and then meitu on my phone for color filters (also any phone editing app with filters in it will do), AND also optional just for references: blender and daz3d on computer + magicposer on my phone
The actual step by step of what I do:
First of all, if I want to do a detailed, well rendered piece I will start by getting my references ready. That means either just grabbing a screenshot from the game if it's like, a simple portrait, or a photo reference, taking a picture of myself in the right pose/lighting, and if it's something more complex I will recreate the scene in Daz3D to simulate a realistic lighting, OR even just blender (i have the game models for the dmc characters downloaded, so I can just pop them in, pose them and change the lighting to get a realistic idea of what shadows their faces will cast in that specific angle/lighting.)
Note: references are pretty essential to me, and there's nothing to be ashamed about for using them! Personally I don't struggle a lot with the drawing/sketching part of art, but my tiny little pea brain cannot fathom how to make an object 3D in my mind, and how to visualize shadows realistically... thus the reliance on 3D programs to do that for me, and then all I have to do is draw what I'm seeing lol. My art improved significantly ever since I started making 3D refs so I could get /exactly/ what I needed - there's still a lot of leeway you need to learn though, because as realistic as the lighting will be in a rendering program, you'll never really get a fully natural looking image, as far as stuff like the body stretching/squishing/pulling when it's in movement, facial expressions, folds in clothing/fabric, etc... so really it's more a guide than something meant to be followed 1:1.
Then, once I'm confident I know exactly what I'm gonna draw/have the idea in my head, I start sketching it in sketchbook. Not really getting very in depth, just blocking out rough shapes - I like sketchbook and to be on my ipad for that because it feels very reminiscent of traditional sketching on paper to me, which while I'm not super confident on my traditional art abilities, I do get the most natural/fluid/non-stiff figures out that way.
Then when I think I have the general idea ready, I export the sketch layer as a png and import it into procreate - which is where I kinda start picking at the sketch and polishing it like i'm carving it out haha. Lots of liquify tool, flipping the canvas to check if it's even, blending out some of the lineart to help out with the rendering later, and then polishing up what was once the sketch into serviceable lineart. I usually reimport it back into sketchbook at this stage - while I like procreate for drawing I don't love the brushes I can use for lineart there, and so I usually only draw the "base" naked figure in there - when I'm in sketchbook I use a hard pencil to refine the details, then on a separate layer add all the things "on top" like hair, clothing, etc - usually I can get it pretty easily in one go, and once I'm satisfied I erase the naked body under the clothes and unify the lineart layers.
Then I will just do the flats with a hard brush, turning the lineart layer into an overlay layer and coloring things in with the shadow colors.
At this point, I export the file as a psd and import it on my computer - I give it a once over in photoshop first to see if there needs to be any adjusting (like whether any layer that has an effect needs to have a different effect, if all the colors look right since the ipad screen isn't the most faithful, if i wanna change the background color, etc), and once I think it's ready enough, I open it up in krita, where I do the actual bulk of the painting/rendering (as to why specifically krita: it's because I've gotten very comfortable with the brush/painting brush dynamics there and cannot seem to get as good results anywhere else, it's just the goldilocks spot of a brush for me haha.)
If anyone's curious, here's the brushes I usually use for painting:
The one in the middle is my go to painting brush, left one for tinier/more refined details, right one for blending out soft shadows (though I learned the hard way to not overuse it, or it will look like I went ham with an airbrush tool lol).
(I don't change any of the settings on these brushes, so if you wanna try out the exact ones I use! Just fresh off how they come out the app haha)
I paint on the lights on top of the shadows, and just focus on that for the time being - once I'm done with the basic painting, I'll make a separate multiply layer for details like lip color, eye waterlines, makeup if there is any, eyebags, etc, and then adjust the opacity until it feels right - then I'll make an overlay layer with skin translucency details (like, when you hold your hands in front of a light and see the tips of your fingers become bright orange - many parts of your body are always a bit translucent to the blood underneath, specifically parts where the skin is thin like noses, cheeks, joints, knuckles, etc, and I found it makes the character look a lot more alive to add that subtle coloring in) - then usually I do hair on a separate layer on top of the lineart (because that way I can add small flyaways, more details, etc, and just use the lineart as a guide)
After that, I'll usually make a multiply layer on top of everything where I'll add contact shadows in a neutral color (usually pretty pale, it'll be darker anyway since it's multiply), and once I feel like I've rendered everything out properly, I save the psd and re-open it on photoshop.
In photoshop, I'll mess around with the layers a little bit more (changing hue/saturation, opacity, etc), fuck around with the background to make it look pleasing, and once I'm happy with it, I'll unify the layers and start color correcting - usually by duplicating the unified layer and messing with the curve/hsl of the image and then changing the opacity of that edited layer until it's as strong or muted as I want it to be - then I also edit the RGB curves individually and adjust the opacity of that also (because I just really like how it ends up looking if I give a bit of a red/warm tint to the shadows lol), and at that point often I will reimport the finished image into procreate for some finalizing touches! Like, blending out shadows that came out too harshly, painting over anything that came out not the way I wanted it, redefining the lineart if it got messy during painting, and adding any extra small detail that might have gotten lost like catchlights, hair shines, hair flyaways, tears, etc. I also do one last round of flipping the canvas and liquify if needed!
At this point, I export the finished image both to my computer and my phone - on my phone I open it up on the photo editing app, and add a bunch of different color filters - I don't hesitate from going completely balls to the walls here, and just kinda applying as many filters as will make an image look pleasing to my eye.
Once I think it looks good, I'll export the edited image to my computer - and then open both the version without filters and the one with them on photoshop, and use the filtered version as an opacity layer, and adjust it until it doesn't look as crazy anymore lol.
One last step I recently started incorporating was also changing the image to grayscale after I'm done, and doing one last round of curves in greyscale to make sure the values look right, and nothing is getting too lost because the values are too similar (because i know i get a bit swept up in getting repulsed by harsh contrasting lighting and can end up washing out all of rendering if I don't check myself kjdfgk)
AND that's it!
Yes it's a pretty long and chaotic process, but it's coming from years of trial and error and realizing I can just let myself fo whatever makes me happier with the results, and I don't have to stay constrained to one program if I don't like every tool it has to offer/don't have to accept the final image fresh off the painting app as the "finished" image with no adjustments allowed after, lol. I don't find it takes a lot more time than if I didn't do it this way, but YMMV.
Hope this was helpful and sorry for taking so long to explain! I just wanted to give a thorough explanation dfhdkhkx
#asks#sorry i know its a bit chaos hfdgd#but i hope its helpful anon! thanks for asking#also for anyone wondering#no i am not paying for ps lmao#fuck adobe#it is always morally correct to pirate adobe products people#if you have an alternative photo editing app you like best youre welcome to use it#but if youre too used to photoshop. everything is free on the internet if you know where to look#i also wouldnt recommend meitu bc it feels like a pretty sketchy app all things considered#im just too lazy to care to change my go to app but i would look for a different phone app#p sure theres billions that let you add funky color filters instead#actually i think you could use photoshop camera raw filters for that too#its just way too intensive of a process for my tiny potato computer and it feels a lot faster + seamless on phone
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!! ART COMMISSION !!
What is art commission? You pay me to make me draw things you want to see, as simple as that, but this is my commission so heed that there are rules/limitations of my own!
If you're seeing this post via reblog, please check the post date and look for the original post, not the reblogs, because commission status and the terms might've been changed/updated by the time you're reading it. I might reblog this myself whenever I open the commission.
Current commission status: CLOSED(taking a break)
SLOTS: [ ] [ ]
Detailed wall of texts guide goes down here, if you're going to apply please read them first so you're aware of what you can expect from me. ↓
I'll ONLY DRAW
Humanoid non-humans
It means anything that somehow shares silhouette of human(e.g. overall disposition of head and limbs), is obviously a person, but is not a human in an apparent way. Be it a goblin, imp, kobold, demon, furry people, inkling, android, whatevs. Go look what I've been drawing to these days, I bet you know what I'm talking about. You can bring them from your original character pool, or from a cartoon, or some games, etc.
Note that what I'm taking now is NOT 'design things from scratch' commission. I require clear references.
Along with those above, I'm capable of drawing some basic elemental visual effects like flames([1][2]), waters([1]), lightnings([1][2][3]), dust clouds([1][2][3]) and earth cracks([1][2]). Just tell me if you particularly want to include those in your commission piece.
I WON'T/CAN'T DRAW
Crossover - I won't put your OCs and other existing media characters together in a same piece. It also applies for different characters from different media.
Webtoon~Comics format
Most sky-scraping tall robotics - Transformers, GUNDAM or in that line of genre.
Background/Landscape details
Excessively complex objects
Realistic modern firearms
Sexual theme, either explicit or subtle
Nudity? - That depends like, Pokémons such as Tinkaton are humanoid and technically naked but look not so naked. Otherwise, unlikely.
Fetishes of all kind
Characters with astronomically huge tits - No offense, I just have no idea how to handle them properly.
Bloody gore element - Though mild body horrors are feasible in some degree. See my OC [Hess] for example. It's neither cuts nor bloodshed.
Independent original characters that belong to somebody other than you - Don't ask for third person's OC, unless you two are friends and there is approval. I'll double-check.
Whatever that makes me feel uncomfortable - Due to strict copyright? Personal preference? It might be anything that I didn't list here. If I don't feeling it, that's it.
THE PROCESS
Contact [email protected], then:
Let me know that you're asking for a commission.
Tell me whether it's about drawing your OC(Original Character. I need you to show me proper reference images. Either via email attachment or via image hosting sites.) or characters from existing media(you know, cartoons and games)
If I don't accept, I'll inform you that I'm not interested.
Otherwise, I'll respond and ask you "how do you want it to be". This is about direction of the piece, which refers to how the character will be presented, like the pose, action, facial expression and more. If you show me the exact references (like pictures searched up on Google) that's better. If you're only gonna suggest me a character and want to leave the rest up to me, you can tell me so. I can still reject your commission at this stage If I'm not really into your direction.
If I fully accept I'll send you a transaction link where you can pay directly from your PayPal balance. While you're at it please put a comment regarding your email under the sum section so I can identify your payment. As soon as I check the payment I'll start drawing, and send you the finished piece via email when it's done.
If there are obvious and critical errors I made like missing tail, flipped hand or such, I will fix them of course, but don't expect too much about further adjustment on demand. Even though the final version turns out not so satisfying to you, I can't really help about it. After verifying the delivery the transaction completes.
+ If you're about to upload the final piece which is larger than 850x850 to website like twitter please tell me that so I will send you an indexed color mode version along with the original. Indexed image loses some color palettes but prevent twitter's horrible png resizing.
PRICING
Baseline is $80 per piece.
Includes 1 character, full color and shading by default.
Different characters in a single piece adds up $40 each, up to 2 more extra characters.
If an extra character is extremely simple or small compare to others I might just consider them as an appendage rather than an extra character. e.g. Big the Cat and Froggy (Sonic the Hedgehog series), Harmony/Annie and their clownfish (Splatoon series)
I prioritize drawing full-body. It can be thigh-up or even waist-up depending on your demand (or at my discretion if you didn't give me any direction) but this does not affect the price.
You can ask for multiple same characters in a single piece, but in that case it most likely be one simpler full-body and several waist-ups. This does not affect the price.
Background is flat white by default. I can fill them with different flat colors or put simple figures or put gradients, or make it transparent as you ask. Pitch black background + outline around the character is also doable(check some of the deltarune fan arts I did). This does not affect the price.
Adding some elemental visual effects does not affect the price.
ESTIMATED ARRIVAL TIME AND REFUNDS
I doubt the discussing part alone can be somewhat dragged on due to the time zone/schedule difference, but I also believe the whole thing can be done under two weeks, or more depending on the conditions and real life issues.
Basically 'no refund' once I receive your payment and start drawing the piece, however, I'd willingly refund you if I can't finish the piece in time due to my own personal reason.
REGARDING THE USAGE OF FINAL PRODUCT:
Commercial use of my commissioned artworks is prohibited.
Do not relate my drawings with cryptocurrency activities.
Final products may be used as a sample in my future commission introduction page.
It's okay to post them online, use them as a header, banner, profile or such for your blogs/social media page, as long as it's non-profit use.
I can post them on my own blog/social media if I'd like to.
BEFORE YOU APPLY:
You need PayPal account for the trade. I'm not accepting any other method as of now. Also please pay with USD if possible!
Please take a gander at fanart, original stuff and other's oc on my blog so you get what my art style is like and how I reinterpret existing characters. Applying for my commission also means that you're agreeing to the visual changes I make in the process.
My drawings are .png files and NOT resize-friendly due to use of binary pen! And the final size of a piece will barely exceed 1000x1000 so keep that in mind if you use super wide screen or if you're about to do something with my finished works.
제가 한국 계좌 쓰는 한국 사람인 관계로 한국인이시면 페이팔을 통한 거래가 불가능합니다
If you got further questions that's not answered here(other than bargaining the price), feel free to ask them via my email. [email protected]
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writers ask game: 🍄 🦴 🍅 🪲
🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings
hmm lemme think… okay so it didn’t make it into the ange/madders fic i wrote but ben and i talked about this once. i think that poch/kane did happen in that universe, and ange and madders have sort of heard whispers about it in the dressing room. not that they know any of the details, but they can kind of read between the lines — like they’ve heard about how poch took a special interest in H, how it affected h when poch left the club, how h would feel about ange had he stayed at the club… i think poch & kane kind of haunt tottenham and their absence would be felt even by people who had never known them there
🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?
ooooo there’s a lot! obviously i’m out here writing fic LOL which is inherently derivative, but i’ll list a few pieces of media with writing that i aspire to:
Succession has such beautiful character writing and has made me think a lot about where i start and end a story, the difference between a which conflict guides the narrative and which conflict guides the characters in-universe (idk if that makes sense, happy to elaborate elsewhere), and the realism that humor adds to a story
I’ve read a couple of Ann Patchett’s books recently and i LOVE the way she constructs such intricate fascinating character relationships. In her books you rarely spend much time with any one character or place, and yet the worlds she creates are SO complex and compelling
A while back I read Tom Stoppard’s play Arcadia which I’d seen a somewhat mediocre performance of yet loved anyways. Besides being a little strange but incredibly interesting, what struck me about Arcadia was how fun and engaging it was to read on paper! The dialogue conveyed subtext and emotion so well that it didn’t need dialogue tags or description or any of the other conventions of standard written prose. I sometimes catch myself getting really bogged down in making character body language not sound repetitive or something, when at times i think body language can be a bit distracting or jarring in text. Sometimes I’ll ask myself what i’d do if i had to convey everything i’m trying to convey without dialogue tags or body language or whatever and it helps!
🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing
truly i think my biggest weakness is how i write description - not so much character reflection but just literal description of a character’s physical surroundings. i feel like it often comes off somewhat flat and forced, idk. i’m definitely trying to pay more attention to this!! i don’t have an incredibly visual imagination so it definitely doesn’t come naturally to me, lol. i think part of the fix is to think critically about what a character would notice & also practice varying sentence structure and rhythm a bit? idk.
🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here
here's what i wrote! this character (ben chilwell) is in the depthsssss of a sexuality crisis atm hahahaha
Ben nearly ordered an actual drink but in the end he settled for a Coke, which he sipped idly at the bar counter, the aircon bringing a chill to his sun-warmed and sand-chapped body. The singles club were in the next room, laughing as loudly as ever. Their voices overlapped and echoed through the bar, and when Ben tried, he couldn’t make out what any of them were talking about.
It didn’t sound gay, Ben thought, though maybe he didn’t know what gay people sounded like in America. Maybe he didn’t know what they sounded like in England, either. He drank the Coke and closed his eyes.
Thank you for the ask Vida!!
Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game
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I would love to hear more about your Angel !!
oKAY SO ANGEL
his tag on here is angel (train’s version) for reference. also my old rp blog for him is @aithrioch which has some things like headcanons and aesthetics.
Okay gonna make an effort to not repeat myself though I also can’t completely remember what I’ve already said so B)
More emphasis on his time homeless. Like it’s brought up in more when it makes sense and it becomes especially important in ATS and becomes a point of bonding and discussion between him and Gunn.
Dating Buffy is probably his biggest lapse in judgement since wandering into an alley to get laid in the 1700s and it shows. Like he walked in knowing this was a bad idea, saw every red flag and did it anyway. It’s not a reemergence of Angelus behavior it’s Peak Liam Nonsense and it’s left his relationship and feelings towards Buffy very complex and fucked. I think from like BTVS S4/ATS S1 on his primary feeling towards her isn’t really love but guilt. Guilt over how much he fucked up her life and not just as Angelus but you know, as an adult engaging romantically with a teen.
Angelus has more of a Hannibal Lector vibe.
Heavy substance abuse in BTVS as part of coping. When we see him in btvs he’s literally JUST stopped living on the streets in the Depths of Despair. So in btvs S1-2 he’s smoking and drinking heavily to try and make it through another moment on this bitch of an earth. The drinking isn’t as obvious an issue until Buffy’s with him more. Ironically angelus drinks and smokes a normal ass amount because he’s not Lamenting and angel stops doing both in s3 since you know.... fresh outta hell and all that. don’t worry he’s back to chain smoking when he gets into ATS lol. It becomes a Running Issue with him and his Very Human and Lung Dependent Staff.
He listens to the smiths, the cure and similar music. He’s that kinda person. yes. also still listens to barry mannilow. he’s a man of many facets.
He’s Very Normal about Darla. So Normal.
Angel(us) has a Complex around his visual age and how it tends mean that he isn’t given much respect. Part of what fueled his actions back in the day was clout building so he’d get some fucking respect and stop being treated like a baby faced loser.
Circling back to the Buffy thing he realizes in ATS S2 that he perpetuated the cycle of abuse/grooming with her that Darla perpetuated on him. Because Darla 10000% groomed and manipulated him.
Darla and Angel have a Louis and Lestat vibe (but like..... more the new series version of them you know????)
Falls back into Catholicism after his time in hell for the comfort of it. he was born in 1700s Ireland where church was the center of life and Catholicism is like, the most ritualistic version of Christianity. It’s the familiarity and ritual/schedule of it that are comforting/helpful for him, less so the religious stuff. Even so ats needed more catholic stuff in it. Catholic ideology is a staple of angel’s thinking, the bedrock of it really. Literally all this shit about sin and redemption and shit is so aggressively catholic. He’s literally out here looking for a priest who can tell him how many Hail Marys he needs to say to atone for the Atrocities.
Is actually very jealous of Spike later into BTVS/ATS. When Spike’s hanging out with the Scoobies n shit just fine because Spike’s capable of that kind of interaction without a soul while Angel has one and still struggles with it. It’s one of the few things in which he gets jealous of Spike over, how easy it is for him to straddle the soul/morality/dark impulse control chasm. Like it’s very unlikely he’d ever say it out loud or tell the Scoobies but Angel knows just how difficult chip or no chip some vampires would find it to be even remotely civil let alone actually work with them. it frustrates him endlessly that Spike has it so easy.
Yes even as Angel he DOES have an EGO.
Angel(us) is just a metric ton of complexes in a trenchcoat. ATS is just a guided tour through them.
In my brain he’s a mix of Marcus from Deadly Class, Stefan from The Vampire Diaries and Hannibal Lector from the Movies and Shows. Along with some Columbo and Stock Lovecraft Protagonist for flavor.
He’s so pretentious, so lifeless and pallid. He’s like a drive thru attendant with an MFA in fine arts during a graveyard shift.
okay this is all I’m doing on this for now as opposed to the fucking NOVEL for Xander because I don’t have the energy/brain power for it now and if I waited for that to happen to write another novel it could be another 80 years lol
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Long Ass "AI Art"-related Rant Time
I've seen way too much discourse aroundcAI from the perspective of both economics and exploitation and automation and all that, and also the "well what is an art anyway" which - I think since we're all collective remaking political and aesthetic arguments from 1917, I kinda wanna look at this from a different angle that is also from 1917 - analytic philosophy and the philosophy of the language
the first gist is what language is, which is - as long as you understand the involved symbols, you can understand a message sent; the transmission method is typically visual or audible AKA writing/listening, but that's primarily because we struggle to communicate these complex thoughts via smell, touch and taste; the fact that I am writing my 3 AM thoughts down and someone in the future, even myself, can read and be imbued with the same thoughts irrespective of time or location is the example here
languages don't need to be entirely "languages"; math is basically extensive philosophical shorthand for complex but recurring concepts that we have extensively developed either due to their commonality in nature (such as ordinality) or by philosophical development (formal logic, for instance) - and they feed back; my favorite example is that Boolean Algebra's 1 + 1 = 1 is the basic guide to Computer Hardware, because it is a really simple example of how math literally is just symbols that we choose to interpret a certain way, a philosophical language that we all learn
thus humans have the capacity not only to create languages and generate meaningful thoughts using those languages, but also to interpret those languages which is why we can be emotionally swayed by a good poem for instance; it is fundamentally our capacity to interpret the message sent to us through a given language that allows us to connect and empathize with other people via "text", even non-written texts
well what about "AI"/ML then (I hate calling it ML too, it's really extensive linear algebra, there is mo learning)? that one is just doing Y = AX+B, over and over, with some noise and feedback, essentially a giant circuit of a small scale (as in, literally tens of orders of magnitude smaller) model of a brain - but it's a relatively discrete circuit, and that's especially obvious with language, since that is a set that we easily understand as far more discrete than visual art (I'll come back to that later)
thing is, ML systems are thousands of times smaller, and they don't actually know or learn anything, they just output values they ballpark from their set based on the input; the shortcut taken here is the human shortcut - our ability to interpret text and empathize allows us to understand the actual nonsense it spews out, which is why ML writing tends to be confidently wrong and lose track of things it said before and fail to handle things that require worldly reference like relative size
so since it doesn't understand what it's saying and it's just a random noise that we help interpret by our own text interpretation capabilities, this is basically a parrot - it doesn't understand shit, it can't meaningfully communicate - which is where I plug in Emily Bender's paper on stochastic parrots and then we have the CEO of OpenAI proclaimining he's a stochastic parrots and so are all of us
so there's now a relatively easy construction to make which is that all communication we humans have had through all means including math and language are essentially just random streams of data and that therefore all human communication is meaningless - and thus nihilism and anomie and other early 20th century concepts
this fits again into art which is why AI art basically gets shading right (it's a discrete set of pixels, 4294967296 is a lot of colors but it's not all) from a basic pixel perspective and it can get close, but once you get into things that require spatial recognition, knowledge of anatomy, or just knowing if salmon in a river is the live fish or a raw fillet, it has no fucking clue and just eats shit and dies on live TV
but for a lot of people those aesthetic signifiers (shading! detailed eyes! beautiful clouds!) are the barriers of "oh, this is capital A Art", or at least a signifier of pretty, good-looking art versus something more abstract and at this point that discussion is 1917 again
point being, because visual art is significantly less dense versus text as far as how it communicates things and its interpretation is far more abstract, people end up interpreting this artistic equivalent of a parrot as far more powerful than it actually is
the real danger in "AI" right now is that we've essentially developed a brainless talkbox and paintbox that we can interpret as minimal, the anomie machine, IMO
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1, 11, 13, 22, 35, 41, 55, and 68 for the ask game!
1. Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?
Oh I just daydream a lot. As a person ifnejdnd but yea i usually have some bout of daydreaming before hand. Or any time I step away from the writing. It’s also worth mentioning I do try to visualize things as I’m writing, which could be considered daydreaming in its own right.
11. Do you write scenes in order, or do you jump around?
In order. I always write and draw through my sketchbook chronologically. I do however daydream ahead.
13. Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what have you been listening to recently?
Yup! Can’t write without it! While finishing up Enderman Moment I had minecraft lofi mixes on.
22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?
I try to at least have an idea of a title as I go in, and it’ll be finalized as I go on and finish it. This is because I like having content that ties back to the title. Enderman Moment refers to a common phrase said in canon and is relevant. That one was pretty set in the beginning, same with my Kipo fics and Morning Tea. They guided certain aspects. Pick Up was a phrase that stuck in my mind at the beginning and because I couldn’t figure out any better titles, I pushed to try and tie it somehow. Hence the picking up hot coals imagery. Same concept for Wants and Needs, though admittedly stretched a bit more.
My process for this is idk it just happens dkdnjdnd I tend to prefer phrases it seems. It’s easier to make click with the content. I had a couple of exercises given to me in class I could dig them up one day.
35. What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted?
Uuuhhh I’d say I’m most proud of Enderman Moment for being my longest and most ambitious! Though I’m still soft for An Expected Visit. (It was my first fanfic, wowie)
41. Who’s your favorite character you’ve written?
I’ve come to really enjoy picking apart Hollow’s voice in fics. Theyre such a complex character if you start peeling back their layers. So many complexes. I remember enjoying writing Scarlemange’s dialogue for a similar reason to. They’re both refined in a way but boy oh boy is there Baggage™️ and that makes for an interesting headspace to get into. Scarle also just had a great dynamic I wrote against Kipo.
55. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?
Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I dunno? I suppose that’s something a fresh set of eyes could pick up easier. I think I have a pattern of focusing on the internal stuff, written inbetween the lines. I’ve also see myself zooming in and out often, something im very pleased with cuz it impressed my writing professor.
68. Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?
So when I first got into fic writing I was basically running off of my own thing. But as I’ve starting writing for Hollow Knight i see myself picking apart fics I like to use in my own writing. @/ruthlesslistener ‘s fics have been a fav of mine and i see myself trying to pick up some of that descriptive style of emotions and internal thinking as well as that longer length. Until Dawn May Break is soooooo good but the palewatcher stuff ruthless has also written is just -chefs kiss-
#thanks for all the asks! i used it to plug my fics fjdnndndndnd#ask#fanfiction#creative writing#saturno-sol
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Just because Valeriu wasn't home, didn't mean he couldn't celebrate Samhain like he did back in Amorium. Sadly, finding phoenix feathers and glow worm paint on Earth proved a very difficult task, and so, Valeriu was forced to improvise. The fae spent that entire month collecting red and gold shinies, things that resembled feathers and scales, and what he couldn't find, he weaved for himself with his own silk. Eventually, Vali had created his own very own make-shift phoenix costume. It maybe wasn't as elegant or complex as he usual costume, but it did its job of being colorfully flamboyant, eye catching and revealing. He couldn't find anything that quite resembled the intense glow of glow worm paint, and Erastus warned him against using glow sticks as a replacement. So, he settled for regular UV paint. He wanted to show himself off, just as he would at the multitude of wild parties that would surely consume his days and nights were he back home.
What better way to achieve something similar than to crash the Halloween event the club hosted? Though, he wouldn't really be crashing. Erastus invited him. In fact, he was expecting him. Vali waited until Erastus exited the elevator before he ambushed his vampire lover in a flurry of scarlet and gold, soft feathers and smooth scales. Vali pressed his body up against Erastus, smiling brightly. His chest was uncovered, in fact he likely would need nipple pasties to keep himself 'proper' in the public eye if his long hair didn't already do a good enough job of covering up his indecency. From head to toe, Vali was covered in an array of different colored feathers and frills, in the hues of a sunset, and he dragged a peacock-like train behind him. "Do you like my costume? I told you I would make a costume from scratch," Valeriu purred, kissing Erastus on the lips. "Do you think everyone else will like my costume, too?" He grinned coyly. He looked the vampire up and down, and then tilted his head. "What is your costume?" He asked, obviously loss on any pop culture visual short-hand that would give Valeriu a clue of what Erastus was dressed like. He would experience this sort of confusion *a lot* tonight.
Erastus was more than a little taken off guard by the sudden tackle, but the surprise was quite pleasant when he realized who was suddenly all over him. "Valeriu, you lil bastard, I thought you'd meet me at the club!" He laughed before looking the fairy up and down. Damn. Just. Damn.
"You are... looking fine as could be tonight," he said, and meant it too. Erastus never went the extra mile for his costumes. Mostly because they'd be pretty much unwearable by the time the night was over. "You're going to be the center of attention, no one is going to be able to resist you."
His arm wrapped around Valeriu's shoulders, he guided him out of the building and to the car waiting out front. Tina was in the driver's seat, dressed as a Roman Empress and also looking fine as hell, but her jaw dropped at Valeriu. "Okay, wow, I feel underdressed," she laughed before she started up the car.
As to the question, Erastus felt a bit flustered. "I'm a Roman Emperor, I usually try to match with Tina," he nodded up to the driver's seat, where Tina blew a kiss back. "It's also easy to get the toga up and out of the way for all the fun tonight. Club's got a room all ready for my private party. Eat, drink, be merry... and get fucked in every way you like."
Speaking of that... Erastus pulled the fairy into his lap. "Might as well get started, right?" he said with a grin, grasping onto Valeriu's chest. "With these out I just can't help myself..."
"No fair! I'm stuck driving!" Tina laughed before picking up some speed. She wasn't going to be left out of the fun for long, not if she had anything to say about it.
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“Victory Garden” is the only way Silvaze can persist in any meaningful way
So I've been torturing myself for like a month researching Silver and Blaze's dynamic. I love these two together but MAN their canon relationship is totally jumbled up by the lore gods. It doesn’t work. Trust me, I’ve tried to reconcile it, and it’s just WACK.
As we know, it all started in Sonic '06. Despite kickstarting the relationship in the first place, the lore doesn’t make any sense. Blaze sacrifices herself and seals Iblis in her soul, only for Silver and co to erase Iblis from existence... so what was the point? And then there's the confusion surrounding Blaze's location: did she get sealed in the Sol dimension and become a princess? Was she already a princess and was just going back? Or was she sent somewhere else? We've gotten various interpretations from the creators at Sonic Team, no one can agree. It’s hilariously sad that this kerfuffle both established and ruined Silvaze.
When do Silver and Blaze next meet? It's Colors (but only on DS lol) with everything reset so they don't remember each other. There’s no way the writers were accepting the debris of 06, but they didn’t want to completely write it off, so they left it vague. The two have barely a wink and a nudge at their lost past. It's hardly anything.
There's literally nothing of them together in Generations, leaving us with Team Sonic Racing. I'm not sure if it’s canon or not, but we do get a look at Silvaze's dynamic. The two have some cute competitive voice lines, and Silver's apprehension to race is what starts Blaze on her own investigation. Again, cute but not much substance. They’re still strangled by that weird old past of theirs, binding them even when they don’t have much to do with each other. The fans and devs know about their connection, but they don’t. It feels so unnatural.
And that's LITERALLY it for Silvaze’s relationship in the games. One of the most enduring Sonic ships, and there’s barely any canon support for it lol. So that leaves us with the IDW comic series. Here Sonic sees the two discussing their plans after the Angel Island battle, and that's it. Nice?
But I just reread the bonus comic “Victory Garden” by Evan Stanley and Gigi Dutreix. On my first reading I saw it as little more than a nice moment between the two, but if my meta interpretation is correct, then guys this comic is so important to the future of Silvaze.
Alright recap: Blaze finds Silver’s fighting with this garden. He’s so excited to grow plants, but no matter what he does they don’t grow.
Blaze figures that the soil is too tarnished, broken down into unhealthy dust by the chemicals from weapons and explosives. She burns down the tiny plants Silver’s been working toward so far, but only to use the ashes to fertilize the soil again.
DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR? BECAUSE IT SHOULD!
Victory Garden is a new start to Silver and Blaze’s relationship. Their 06 foundation was too unstable, too marred by chaos and darkness and plot holes. It made these two destined for cosmic failure. And now that they’re separated, they are from such different places across time and space that getting them meaningful interactions is difficult without a huge focus shift away from Sonic (Flynn has said so on Bumblekast). You can’t build a faithful, sensible relationship on such unstable soil.
This comic takes Silver and Blaze’s old relationship, steps that frankly weren’t working, and immolates them down for a fresh start. Forget Iblis, forget Crisis City, and start anew. Fans can cling onto 06 if they want, but it’s time for the canon (at least IDW) to move on and stop retreading and dancing around infertile soil. This is a new beginning.
Whether or not Sonic Team decides to actually do anything with it, whatever. THIS is where Silver and Blaze begin now. Maybe it’s the complexity of this relationship, the fact that it seemed to be fated to never be, is what makes it so appealing?
#sonic#silvaze#silver the hedgehog#blaze the cat#it's really not that complex but i needed to make myself like a visual guide#this is how i'm gonna write them from now on#sorry 06 you're sorta cool but we're never gonna get anywhere with your insanity#analysis#sonic the hedgehog#idw
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helloooo, may I have a tears of Themis matchup? 👀
A lot of people have very contrasting opinions about me, some say I’m very talkative while others say I’m extremely quiet. My entire personality basically changes depending who in with, I’m either fading into the background or the centre of attention who knows 👁👁, im talkative to people that im comfortable with though. But usually I just take a step back and let other lead the way, Im a very patient and calm person and having long-deep conversations about almost anything with people that I take interest is a thing that I love to do! I have a hard time communicating with most people about my feelings because I don’t know it myself, even when I have excellent social skills im naturally inclined to stay silent. Im an especially reliable/caring person, everybody always come to me for some kind of help, even if it’s small things like borrowing a pen or comforting them when they’re sad or…..doing their work, i kinda am too reliable sometimes and some people take advantage of that. I have a very…questionable past so I would love a partner that could comfort me and to spend time with me (I love receiving quality time hehe)
Having no dominant left/right brain makes my thinking way more complex than it needs to be 😂 , most of the time when it comes to situational problems im a very logically brutal person, I like using factual evidence and being methodical to the point that I have no sense of morality-/hj but at the same time im also a professional illustrator that loves to paint and visualize things, i like doing things creatively and generally creating artworks that people relate to and/or enjoy ^^. I’m not afraid to be honest so sometimes I come off as very harsh or mean to some people and it chips away my heart a bit 🥲, so recently I’ve only been giving useful criticism or honest opinions with people that I trust. (I act like I don’t care and I’ll like it anyways but in truth I’m a very picky person 🤡). I see the world in many different perspectives and I’m an understanding person, I’m not always one thing or the other it rlly depends on my mood haha.
My hobbies are doing almost any kind of arts like drawing/painting, (listening to) music, acting, etc…and also very niche things like tarot reading, eating fancy cheeses binging and reviewing tv shows. I sometimes do gaming as-well! Here’s a few of my favorite artists, Tame Impala, きくはな(Kikuhana/Hanatan), Joe Hisashi, Margaux and a wild card Graham Kartna. 💫 (INFJ-Virgo Sun)
hiii thank you for requesting <3 i match you with artem wing ! i hope you like it ;) @itscrystalcloudy
it’s safe to say that artem is a quiet person. however, he is pretty vocal about his opinions, unlike you, he’s calm and collective during arguments. he’s definitely the first to apologise even tho he did nothing wrong. he just doesn’t like arguing with you.
he loves having deep conversations with you. whether that’ll be you talking about any recent cases you’ve worked on or just you talking about your day.
he is a very well known attorney. he’s very experience with his job so if you’re ever stuck on something, he’s definitely one to help you. he’s a patient man and will guide you through everything. he sees the potential.
he loves that you’re creative. he likes watching you draw and paint. when you first introduced your hobby of acting to him, he’s very supportive. everything you do he thinks you’re very good at.
aside from all that, he really likes how you match his calm nature.
he prefers calming music, and i like to imagine he listens to the neighbourhood, specifically, The Beach, but when you introduce him to Kikuohana, he started liking it & you guys share headphones while taking turns picking what to listen to :)
matchups: open :)
#tears of themis x reader#tears of themis#artem wing#artem wing x reader#artem wing fluff#tears of themis hcs#tears of themis headcanons#tears of themis matchup#tears of themis matchups
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Kriegsmesser
When I received Kriegsmesser in the mail I finally googled "kriegsmesser", and found out it meant "war knife". Which makes sense; Gregor Vuga's ZineQuest 2021 project is a tribute to "roleplaying games named after medieval weapons".
I love Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay's piss-renaissance Old World setting. I tend to pick up WFRP-a-likes sight unseen:
Warlock (quality);
Small But Vicious Dog (yesss);
Zweihander (which I have come to hate); etc.
Anyway: I backed Kriegsmesser without really knowing anything about it. So Kriegsmesser surprised me.
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Kriegsmesser grew out of a Troika! cutting. Its 36 backgrounds are compatible with that system: each come with a couple of lines of description; a list of skills and possessions; an a visual cameo cropped from actual 16th-Century woodcut art.
Cohesive and competently flavourful. My favourite is the Labourer, who always starts with "an empty pine box":
"You've spent your life breaking your back, working hard for other people's profit. You have nothing to show for it but a spectre of the future."
(The obligatory ratcatcher-analogue , called the Vermin Snatcher, is here -- check that box!)
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Kriegsmesser also comes with its own ruleset. Hits all the notes it needs to, with lots of orientation and advice for how to run a game -- but ultimately super-simple, mechanically:
Roll d6s equal to the value in a relevant skill, look at the highest result. 6 means you get what you want; 5 or 4 means you get what you want, at a cost.
It's not quite a dice pool, since only the highest result matters. No opposed tests.
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Kriegsmesser intends to have this base mechanic handle fights, too. The combat rules - with armour, toughness and weapon values -- are nested in an optional section.
For a WFRP-a-like, this feels like a purposeful departure.
Many of WFRP's most celebrated adventures are celebrated for bits that their underlying ruleset does little to support: the investigative structure of "Shadows Over Bogenhafen"; the complicated timetable of "Rough Night At Three Feathers".
Ludwig von Wittgenstein never needed a statblock to be memorable.
Not to say that lethal, hyper-detailed fights isn't super Warhammer-y. (Kriegsmesser includes an injury table, broken down by body-part -- check that box!)
But here it feels like Gregor is saying: "I'm not Games Workshop and Roleplay isn't an ancillary of Warhammer Fantasy Battle; we can evoke grim-and-perilous-ness even if we fork away from heavy combat rules."
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It has become ritual for me to read my partner Sharon to sleep.
Sometimes I read her RPG things. The other night, after I read her Kriegsmesser's introduction --
" The Empire wages an eternal war against Chaos. Its priests preach of Chaos as an intrusion, something unnatural ... These men see Chaos in anything that does not buttress their rule. They call it disorder, anarchy, corruption. They say that to rebel against their order is to rebel against god and nature. That the current arrangement is natural, rather than artificial.
" Meanwhile, the common people look to the Empire to deliver the justice that they were promised and they find none. They look to the Empire and do not see themselves reflected in it. They look around at what they were taught was right and good and see only misery.
" Their world begins to unravel. Chaos comes to reside in every heart and mind sound enough to look at the world and conclude it is broken. "
-- Sharon remarked: "Nice one."
The RPG things I read her generally leave Sharon lukewarm. She has enjoyed a couple -- but, yeah: for many of these books, text isn't their strong point.
Kriegsmesser is the only time I can recall Sharon praising the writing of an RPG book without my prompting.
Nice one.
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That introduction surprised me. It underlines Kriegsmesser's biggest departure from its WFRP-a-like pedigree: how it characterises Chaos.
Corruption, a mainstay of most grim-dark-y games, is made an optional rule, like combat. Explaining this, Gregor writes:
" Kriegsmesser partially subverts or deconstructs the traditional conceit of Warhammer where the characters are threatened by the forces of Chaos. In this game it is the player characters who are the agents of 'Chaos': they are likely to become the 'rats' under the streets, and the wild 'beast-men' in the woods bringing civilisation down. It's the Empire and its nobles and priests that are corrupt ... "
Describing the Empire, Gregor writes:
" The Empire encompasses the world yet is terrified of the without. It enforces itself with steel and fire yet considers itself benevolent. It consumes the labour of others with bottomless hunger yet calls its subalterns lazy, or wasteful, or greedy. "
Holy shit this is the first time I've seen the word "subaltern" in an RPG thing, I think?
I love this.
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Rant incoming:
With every passing decade Warhammer abridges its Moorcockian roots more and more; nowadays it is "Order = Good" and "Chaos = Evulz", pretty much.
Gone are the days when chaos berserkers are implied to grant safe passage to the helpless (because Khorne is as much a god of martial honour as he is a god of bloodletting);
Or that the succor of Papa Nurgle is a genuine comfort to the downtrodden;
Or that Tzeentch could unironically embody the principle of hope, of change for the better.
As Chaos is distilled into unequivocal villainy, Order goons get painted as Good Guys by default --
Giving rise to Warhammer's contemporary problem, wherein fans are no longer able to recognise satire.
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When I was introduced to 40K, it seemed pretty clear that the Imperium was a Brazil-esque absurdist-fascist bureaucratic state: planets are exterminatus-ed due to clerical error; the way it stamps out rebellions is the reason why rebellions begin in the first place.
Tragi-comic grimdarkness. That was the point.
Nowadays that tone has shifted -- and you're more likely than not going to encounter a 40K fan who argues that the Imperium's evils are a justified necessity, to prevent worse wrongs.
We went from:
"Space Nazis because insane dumbass fuckery, also chainswords vroom vroom rule of badass!"
To:
"Space Nazis because it makes sense actually, and also chainswords make sense because [insert convoluted rationalisation here]."
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Even Fantasy Flight's Black Crusade line, which ostensibly offers a look at 40K from the perspective of Chaos, never truly commits to its conceit.
With prep you could play a heroic band of mutant freedom fighters, resisting the tyranny of the Evil Imperium --
But I don't remember Black Crusade giving that kind of campaign any actual support. Its supplements service the relatively more conventional "You can play villains!" angle; the Screaming Vortex is a squarely Daemons-vs-Daemons setting.
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This tonal drift culminates, in my mind, with Age of Sigmar, Games Workshop's heroic-fantasy replacement of the old WFRP / WHFB setting.
Here's the framing narrative for AoS's recently-launched Third Edition. Let's see whether I've got things right:
A highly professionalised, technologically-superior tip-of-the-spear fighting force (the Stormcast Eternals);
Backed by an imperialist military-industrial complex (Azyrheim);
"Liberating" rich new territories (Ghur) for exploitation by a civilised settler culture (Settlers of Sig-- I mean, Free Cities);
Justified because the locals are irredeemable heathens (Chaos and Kruleboyz).
I mean, that's a sweet-ass Warhammer setting. It's contemporary, laser-guided lampoon. Except it is played totally straight.
In AoS, a literal crusade is justified as the moral good.
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I think Kriegsmesser surprised me because its framing of Chaos -- as a promise, as the light of hope shining through cracks of a broken world --
It feels so fucking right.
Yes: its a subaltern deconstruction of the conventional moral universe of Warhammer -- but it is a take that is also already implied / all but supported in the various depictions of the setting: from WFRP to the modified title-crawl of Black Crusade.
I'm annoyed I didn't think of it, myself. Damn you, Gregor!
And I'm annoyed that more Warhammer fans aren't thinking it, also.
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lmagine if Kriegsmesser's perspective stood on equal standing as the GW orthodoxy. Imagine if, instead of simplifying stuff into "Order = Good" and "Chaos = Evulz", GW did a Gregor Vuga.
You'd have a Rashomon-ed Warhammer, where villainy depends on perspective:
You are fearful villagers, huddled around your priest, muttering prayers against the wild braying coming from the trees beyond your gates.
You are Aqshyian tribeswomen, defying the thunder warrior towering over you, the foreigner demanding you bow to his foreign god.
You are a Tzeentchian revolutionary cell, desperately trying to disrupt a Inquisitor's transmissions so your home planet isn't destroyed by fascist orbital fire.
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Get Kriegsmesser HERE.
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( Image sources:
https://theenemywithinremixed.wordpress.com/2021/05/21/thoughts-on-the-4e-death-on-the-reik/
https://www.criterion.com/current/posts/59-brazil
https://www.deviantart.com/faroldjo/art/Warhammer-40k-Black-Crusade-273596035
https://www.warhammer-community.com/2021/06/09/fancy-a-new-life-bringing-order-to-the-mortal-realms-join-a-dawnbringer-crusade-today/
https://www.nme.com/blogs/the-movies-blog/team-america-15-anniversary-south-park-2558750
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Palestinian_children_and_Israeli_wall.jpg )
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lion primary + badger secondary (bird model)
ie A HOUSE MATCH !!
Hellooo, I’m sorry for bothering you but I’ve found this blog and I absolutely love your character analysis and overall thought about the SHC system, and I could use some help?
I’ve known the system for a while now, since the old SHC tumblr times, and while understanding my current primary situation has been quite easy, I’m having A LOT of trouble with my secondary and it’s becoming a bit of a issue for me because the more I think about it, the more confused I become, to the point where it’s upsetting me a bit.
First thing first, my Primary is a very “standard” Lion, the whole “you feel if something is right or not and if you do something that’s not right to you you feel bad/ill/it’s wrong” is extremely me. I had some doubts about a Badger model, but I think it’s just that my personal ideals and values align a lot with a Badger worldview, since I grew in a very Badger society and family (very leftist, a lot of emphasis on equality and valuing and creating communities). Reading various description/interpretations of primary Lion always feels right, while reading primary Badger always makes me think “yeah, this is all good and nice, BUT…” so this was quite easy to sort out (no pun intended).
Are you me? So far... I could have written this. It’s possible I *might* be biased going forward.
When it comes to secondaries, I see a lot of myself in Bird descriptions: I make spreadsheets for everything.
Pretty Bird.
I am a crafter with an apparently endless supply of books and tutorials and supplies ready, and the enthusiasm to share them.
That sounds more Badger.
I am the mom friend
Badger.
who always has what’s needed in their bag.
Bird.
I am that one person you can count on knowing a funny or interesting anecdote about almost any topic, from the mundane to the truly obscure. Learning new things, about any topic, is literally one of my biggest pleasures in life.
Bird [model?] Whichever one isn’t your secondary is a model you clearly love.
I take pride in all these things, but I honestly have trouble understanding if I like using them as tools because they help me with my ADHD and so I received a very strong positive enforcement using them and I kept the ones I like, or if I started doing them because they are what I like doing and coincidentally they help me managing my symptoms or better navigate the world in my day to day life.
Could be either, but modeling Bird because you’re neurodivergent is very much a thing.
Also, while I love planning, when it comes to making decisions I tend to gather all information and summarize it in a way that makes sense to me so I can visualize the issue in my mind as complete and detailed as possible, but the final decision tends to feel a bit… impulsive, to me?, there’s always A LOT of gut feeling involved, and when I don’t follow it usually it ends up being a wrong or subpar decision. I do need to gather all the available information about the issue/situation/item/people, but rather than making my decision by comparison, I use the information to make sure that I’m “seeing” the truth (or as close to it as it is possible) and then once I feel safe that I’m not overlooking anything important I just KNOW what is the correct decision.
That’s a Lion primary making a call.
Could this simply be a very strong primary interfering with the decision-making, even when it’s not about ideals but more mundane things?
Decision making is always a primary thing. Mundane stuff included. Mundane stuff is important.
On the other hand, I am an extremely hard working person (I am changing jobs right now because I feel like my old bosses are making more and more difficult for me to just do my job properly and without needing to cut corners, and it just feels wrong to me).
Oh good lord. I am ready to sort you as a Badger secondary solely on the basis of THAT.
People tell me I’m a very good listener and that I am especially good at helping others unravel their thoughts when they’re all confused and tangled because I ask the right questions. I seem to gain other people’s trust easily and often I get told gossip or secrets before others.
Badger. Also DAMN but that’s relatable. I think you might house-match me.
I got told several times by previous bosses that I should look into becoming a team leader because people like me and I make them get along better.
Sounds like a Lion/Badger combo.
People get attached to me very quickly and when I have problems the stream of folks asking if they can help or just checking in is always way more than I expect.
Isn’t it weird how that happens?
This all sounds like Badger stuff, from the descriptions I read, but many of them are not things I actively enjoy doing, I just.. do them because it would be weird to do otherwise? Or it feels like they happen to me with no effort on my part.
Because they’re just you. It’s just who you are.
I think they might be simply a result of me growing up in a society that values hard work and being kind to others, or just me being a likeable person
Not everyone finds this easy. Not even close. I have read so many testimonials written by people in Badger secondary households killing themselves trying to fit into this model. Wanting isn’t enough. Having examples around you isn’t enough.
or maybe coping mechanisms I had to learn in order to “pass” as neurotypical but as I wrote the more think and read about Birds and Badgers and their differences, the more I get confused and frustrated.
Now I know I’m projecting, but all my neurotypical coping mechanisms come out of the Bird secondary toolbox.
But it would make sense since I burned out badly in my teens from trying to always try to be perfect for my family, my friends, my teachers, society
That sounds like a young Badger secondary, more than a young Bird secondary.
and when I finally found who I really wanted to be I resolved to never let anyone define what or how I should be ever again (hello there, Lion primary!)
I hear that.
After a lifetime of beating myself up for not living up to the absurdly high expectations I set up for myself, I have decided that the only way to stay sane for me is to do the groundwork, be as prepared as I can
Bird
put in the work I should
Badger
but once I’m in the thick of it just… ride the wave. And now I got to the point where I have the confidence that I am smart enough to learn the basics of a new skill on the fly, if needed.
To me, this is so fundamentally, so spiritually Badger secondary. You don’t have tools. You are a tool. You made yourself into one. And that moment where you can just trust yourself to catch the world, absorb it into yourself, and become whatever it needs you to be... it’s ecstasy.
I’d say that lack of time is my worst enemy, but due/thanks to the ADHD that’s not true most of the time, since lack of time is what enables me to get past the executive dysfunction in the first place, so I’ll say I have a love-hate relationship with it. Doing things just before a deadline is it’s own kind of high, after all (I’m not saying it’s healthy).
At the base of your soul, you’re not really a Bird prepper/planner.
A practical example: I usually don’t like platforming games much, but I am LOVING Immortals: Fenyx Rising because in most situations, there is a “best” way to do things but you can also get creative by using different skills, using specific items, finding loopholes, or a combination of all of them.
Sounds like a Bird secondary having fun. [a fun model?]
When I fail a level/combat I don’t get frustrated because I know that I just have to try a few more times until I find the solution that feels right FOR ME, even if it’s not the most efficient ones. And when I do it feels great, even if I look a at guide afterwards and there’s a waaay easier solution! I usually feel a bit silly for not “seeing it” but also think something like “well, I think MY way is more fun!”
Oh yeah, a Bird secondary would not have that reaction. That is the sacred Badger consistency of method. How you do something matters equally as much as the final product.
When I cook, I usually find a recipe I like and try it as written, then I make small adjustments to improve it, see how it turns out, and so on until I have a recipe that is MY recipe, one I really like and that I know well enough to use as a basis to be changed if needed, knowing exactly how the change will affect the end result. I think this is why I prefer baking to other kinds of cooking, since it’s much more akin to chemistry I feel like I have more control over what a change will do.
On it’s own this could be a description of rapid-fire Bird. And you clearly have Bird, you have a lot of it. You love it.
So I guess that what really matters to me is being able to do things my way so that I can enjoy the process and live up to my standards instead of external ones?
But then you say something like this... it’s about the process... it’s about the method... it’s about something coming up to your own personal standards. And that’s so Badger.
This ended up being very lengthy… I’ve tried shortening it but English isn’t my first language and I was afraid I might come across not clearly.
Your English is perfect, and insanely clear. You’re clearer than I am.
Thank you again for the blog, I especially like your DS9 characters’ analysis and I am low-key hoping for more :)
I’m particularly proud of those ones. I’d love to do more, but before that I would have to go back and re-watch the show, or at least key character episodes. I’m not going to sort from memory. That would be doing a show I love, and a number of extremely complex characters a disservice. And it wouldn’t be nearly as fun.
(it’s that whole Badger integrity-of-method thing, you know how it goes.)
#sortinghatchats#sortme#wisteria sorts#lion primary#badger secondary#bird model#my lion badger#adhd#submission
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The Human Condition - It suggests that humans are able to have a complex range of emotions for an individual. Therefore it is possible to love someone yet be repulsed by their behaviour and action. This is a unique trait of humans and the human condition. Humans can have more than one emotion towards another. And love is not lost in the meanwhile. Rather, it is amplified but it is expressed as tough love instead.
I would say that is very important to experience in art/entertainment. Particularly that of a VISUAL format such as TV shows, movies and video games so that you can see a representation of the human condition and the effects it can have on characters and on the relationships and experiences of love those characters have throughout their arc in that visual art/entertainment
I LOVE the character Willow Rosenberg from 'Buffy: The Vampire Slayer'. A HUGE part of the reason why I love her so much is that I can disagree with her, call her out and express what I think is wrong with this character or what her biggest faults and flaws are. This character has a gentle nature that gets abused over the early seasons of the show and you absolutely fall in love with her throughout those seasons as you watch her grow and develop... And that makes you want to defend and protect her. She's your cinnamon roll (I think that's the right phrase to use here)... So that means that she's a very positive character for you.
But then you're forced to see her in a negative light as she becomes abusive when she starts accumulating power and desiring to control everything and everyone and have her will be done... And you have to sort of split yourself down the middle with your love for her.
You're Oz or you're Tara or you're Buffy or you're Xander in that you have to choose whether to enable her behaviour or reprimand her for it. You have to wrestle with your ego and not put aside your love for her exactly, but use it to fuel your effort to make her accountable for her behaviour and her actions. This is what Tara does. Tara is a character that is also known to be very gentle natured and that also gets abused too... And by Willow herself.
Tara: "Willow, you're using too much magic. What do you want me to do, just sit back and keep my mouth shut?"
Willow: "That'd be a good start."
Tara: "If I didn't love you so damn much I would."
As such, my need to call Willow out and express all that I think is wrong with this character is not because I hate her. Far from it. I fucking love her to absolute pieces just like Tara or Oz or Buffy or Xander does. But I am like Tara. I love her enough to want to give her tough love because that would be far more beneficial to her than if I did nothing and said nothing.
This is what I mean about finding characters in art/entertainment that SHAKE you. Ones that make you wrestle with your own ego. Ones that make you want to insert yourself in the show and give them a good slap or a talking to. Ones that make you split yourself down the middle.
Why do I want to find these characters?
Because they're the REALIST ones.
Humans are an incredibly flawed species. But they're still loved anyway. Even when they're loved with tough love. So my need to find characters in art/entertainment that represent this level of HUMAN... It's because I LOVE THEM and I want to LEARN FROM THEM. It's not because I want to critisize them or shame them or judge them or hate them. It's easy to misunderstand that that's the intention... But no, I just really fucking love real flawed human beings. And I want to covet them in a way where I also want to let them go too. It's very contradictory. Can even come off hypocritical. But character representation and development is not necessarily about a character being "good" or "better" or "improved". It's about making the AUDIENCE examine, assess and reevaluate their own thoughts, feelings and beliefs about themselves and about humanity. About THE WORLD and about the human condition taking place in it. That's why characters like Willow Rosenberg really fucking matter and why they need to be written more into art/entertainment.
You don't want a character that you love because they never have faults or flaws, they never make mistakes or they never do any wrong. I promise you.
My question to you is, do you have the tolerance for this kind of art/entertainment? Can you love it even though it frustrates you, annoys you or even angers you? Can you love a character like Willow Rosenberg even when she absolutely SHAKES you and makes you wrestle with your own ego?
If you can and you do - we need to communicate. I want to talk to you. Because you will know the kind of characters and shows that I'm looking for and the level of character charactization, representation, development and evolution that I'm looking for. Willow Rosenberg is a character that becomes both a hero and a villain at different times throughout her entire character arc. Xena is a character that starts off a villain and becomes a hero/anti-hero throughout her entire character arc. Gabrielle is a character that is incredibly good natured and innocent and kind and sweet and compassionate and STILL struggles with the human condition in a way where I still see her in a negative light sometimes and where I still feel the need to insert myself into the show to call her out at times. I still fucking love her anyway.
I am a flawed character myself. I fully acknowledge it. And because I can't always see myself as clearly as I can characters on a TV show since I am always the observer of the world and not the observed... It's very very important to me to find characters like Willow and Xena that represent me. That I relate to and that I resonate with. OR characters like Tara and Gabrielle that can love me and teach me a lot. That I can look to as a guiding light in my life. I NEED the kind of characters with so much complex depth and layers to them that they seem like REAL BREATHING CONSCIOUS PEOPLE and not just some fictional shapes and sizes some illustrator came up with or just some actors reading lines for to portray them. That's not enough for me. It never will be. So please - if you understand what I mean by the characters and shows I'm looking for...
Contact me. Communicate with me. I am specifically looking for characters and TV shows that depict and deal with THE HUMAN CONDITION.
#buffy the vampire slayer#willow rosenberg#character representation#character development#the human condition#tough love
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Hi I was wondering if you would write an Essek x reader (gender neutral) where they are having a relaxing day out and the reader teaches Essek to make flower crowns, and it just allot of fluff and wholesome stuff.
Here you go! Enjoy. I really needed this type of wholesomeness. Thank you for the request. 😘
Seated among the plants and flowers at the base of the tree inside the Xhorhaus, you’re focussing on your surroundings, eyes closed. A meditation-like state keeps you grounded and aware of all around you regardless of lack of visual. Every breath you take makes you feel much lighter, floating in your own consciousness. It’s a comfortable and familiar feeling.
It could have been minutes, or hours. You’re not entirely sure but at least you know if someone needs you or you’ll be going somewhere, your friends will come get you. For now you were blessed with a moment of peace, away from the troubles of the world outside, shielded by the colourful flowers, fresh smell of herbs and the soft glow of the fairy lights.
But your peace and quiet was interrupted. Usually you’re very much aware of footsteps approaching, but when the individual doesn’t walk, taking care to avoid the greens, you’re left a oblivious to the presence. The clearing of a throat makes you nearly jump out of your skin.
“My apologies. I don’t mean to interrupt you…” You see the sheepish expression of the white haired wizard floating at a comfortable distance, turn apologetic.
“Essek!” You breathe trying to calm your pounding heart, hand to your chest.
“I am so sorry. I did not mean to scare you. I should have announced my presence.” The mixture of embarrassment and regret remain present in both his behaviour and voice as you get up and give him a once over.
“It’s quite alright. I didn’t expect any visitors.” You smile assuring him no harm was done as you get to your feet brushing off your trousers. Essek is a hard to read individual but even the most oblivious of people could tell something is off. Strange. You tilt your head pressing your lips together.
“Is everything alright? You seem a bit out of it if I’m honest.” Essek’s eyes fall to the floor in front of him trying to find the correct words to answer your question; unusual for someone usually so quick with words. You take a few steps closer to him and take his hand in yours giving it a squeeze letting him know you’re there as you wait for his reply.
“I… I am unsure how to phrase this correctly nor in an appropriate way.” He speaks caught in his own mind still. His eyes are searching still focussed on the ground and your entwined hands. You place your free hand on his shoulder, the gesture pulling him out of his head and instead focus on you.
“Try me.”
“I-. This day- These last few… weeks, have been absolute chaos. With everything going on I have not had a moment of peace in a long time.” Essek’s shoulders drop and his feet touch the ground with a soft tap muted by the mossy floor. You pity him. So young and so much pressure, people depending on him. No one should have to deal with all of that alone.
“I’ve always found diving into my work head first ignoring the world contained the chaos and turned it into order instead, something I could control but now I cannot even read a single sentence, transcribe a single equation or confront a single person without feeling like my mind is about to explode.” A weight lifts by the mere vocalising of the words, tension dropping from Essek’s physique as it does from his mind.
“I didn’t know who else to turn to. For some reason, you always have an air of calmness, around you. Whenever we are in the same space, you radiate peace. It’s strange to admit but I think even only spending but moments in your presence now has done more than any and everything I have tried to achieve even a semblance of rest.” You’re not used to Essek being so open and upfront with anyone but you’re glad for it. Knowing you can confide in someone and trust them is one thing. Actually doing so, something else entirely.
“Thank you for your time and once more my sincere apologies for scaring you. I will leave you to your business once more.” Essek is about to pull his hand from yours taking a step back but you don’t let go and step with.
“When’s the last time you’ve taken a break, Shadowhand?” You’re sure you already know the answer or have enough of an idea to estimate but you ask nonetheless. Essek thinks for a moment and frowns.
“I can’t recall.”
“There’s your problem then. You’re stressed, overworked and in desperate need of a break. Come on. I have an idea.” You lightly tug at his hand pulling him along to the base of the tree and sit him down. You take one of the garden scissors and begin cutting some flowers, branches and other things and collect them in a wicker basket as Essek watches you move from planter to planter and pots making sure to leave enough behind and take only what the plants themselves allow you to take.
It might seem a little strange to some, as you’re standing there, a nonverbal conversation with plant life. Some might think you’re crazy but you only acknowledge life in all forms and while you surely could wave your hand and restore what you took, there’s beauty in the natural order of things as your Firbolg friend might agree.
Essek watches you go in awe, studying your every action with an admiration. Before, as he admitted, there had been the radiating calmness from you that could affect those around you but watching you interact, for the lack of a better word, with the greenery, gave that a whole new meaning. Serenity. You are serenity itself.
You take the wicker basket, now filled with flowers of every colour, branches of green and brown of varying lengths, set it down at the base of the tree taking a seat next to Essek.
“What’s this for?” Essek picks up a yellow flower spinning it between his fingers.
“This,” You refer to the basket and the flower held between his fingers. “is how I clear my mind when the pressure of the world becomes too much to handle.” You take a couple of the branches, check the lengths and start twisting and weaving them together adding flowers into the coil as you go.
“This is how you keep the chaos at bay?” Essek questions watching your fingers work braiding together the delicate material.
“People often assume peace is the absence of chaos but it’s not. Nor is order. If you build a dam the pressure of the water will continue building as long as the water flows. You can’t stop it. You can’t prevent it. You can however shape it in such ways you gain more from it than it from you. It can be found in the simplest of things.” You weave in some deep red roses, your pride as the Xhorassian environment is not kind enough for them to survive.
“Whenever the world comes crashing down and I wish the ground would swallow me whole I find a place to sit down and let myself be consumed by my surroundings. Sometimes I just sit doing nothing at all. Other times I draw, or sing or write, and when I’m lucky enough to find just the right place, I’ll make as many of these as it takes me to return to my peace.” You come to the end twisting the final branches to complete the final circle shape, inspecting your work and adjusting as necessary until you deem it truly completed.
“Whenever I use the chaos to create, little by little serenity comes along and I try to bring that feeling along, passing it on to those around me, because gods know, they can use it.” The both of you smile and with a last adjustment of a flower you place the flower crown on Essek’s head.
Confusion, happiness, delight, peace. All emotions running through Essek’s brain throughout this conversation enhanced the moment you place the ornament of braided and woven flowers onto his head, as light as a feather. Who knew something so small and… insignificant could mean so much, do so much?
“Why don’t you try it for yourself? See if this works for you? Or perhaps if not, it might give you inspiration to find something that will.” Essek nods taking the red crown off his head and inspecting it closer. While he certainly has an eye for intricate patterns and structures the construction of such a thing as a simple flower crown goes far beyond him and instead just leaves him completely oblivious and confused.
Seeing Essek trying to figure out the collective of braided flowers and branches might have been one of the funniest things you’ve seen from the man. The intricacies of Dunamis and the most difficult of equations or studies prove next to no problem for the wizard, but a flower crown manages to break him? How could that not be funny. You laugh even though you tried to fight it and Essek sends you a playful glare.
“Since you seem to find this so funny perhaps I should teach you the many complexities of advanced Dunamis? As a thank you of course.” You can see the hints of a smile.
“However much I’d love that, for the sake of both of our peace and sanities, I’d hold off on that for now. We’ll start with something much simpler. Like a daisy chain.” You begin pulling out a pile of white flowers and putting them next to the basket.
“This is how you start…” You begin explaining how to loop the stem of the flower around the one that came before it, the closer together, the denser the chain will become.
While Essek struggles at first, your explanation and guiding hands and pointers as he works result in a decent looking daisy chain. You slowly work your way up to more difficult flowers and eventually the branches, spending the next several hours going through the motions, Essek’s troubles long since forgotten. This may have been the first time but won’t be the last time both of you find your serenity and comfort in colourful soft petals.
#critical role x reader#critrole x reader#mighty nein x reader#essek x reader#essek thelyss x reader#critical role#essek#essek thelyss#critrole
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where. is the. demo?
(long post under the cut)
if it was to come out now, today, most of the ending will just be a black screen and a textbox (like the screenshot above).
so what's left???
1. i need to finish all the illustrations & assets for the end of the demo, and some assets need to be animated too (this is a visual novel/motion comic after all!). this is the bulk of the work, if you don't count me spending days troubleshooting.
2. even though the beginning and middle of the demo is completed, i need to retouch some artwork...for example, clyde doesn't wear a tie anymore so i need to go back and remove it. it's just a tie, so it doesn't take too long to fix.
3. i need to redo the main menu screen. it doesn't fit the ~*aesthetic*~ i'm going for anymore + kettle's name is...officially fennel now! so. yeah. obviously it needs to be changed!
4. bug testing and making sure the game functions properly.
5. i also need to redo the sprites for clyde, diya, and wren.
and that's it!
i do plan on sharing another snippet of the game, like i did back in january. this is not the demo. the actual demo will be out sometime in october. more on that later, in another post...
now...what about the full game...?????
there is still a lot of work to be done! as you can prolly guess, this mostly includes: making even more assets and illustrations. there are also some minigames sprinkled throughout introdemo and that means i also need to seriously sit down and read books and watch vids on python.
my brain has a hard time understanding anything that's 'technical' (so...coding, math, 3d modelling...physics...you name it). thankfully, renpy is user friendly but a lot of stuff does go over my head! not putting myself down or anything, it's just something i need to spend more time on (and there's a lot of stuff i want to do in this game).
so whenever i run across a bug i can't figure out, sometimes it will take me a few days to pick everything apart and troubleshoot. it's fun, but it can be frustrating at times because i can't rely on forums or guides for every issue i run across.
couple examples:
the nameplates! last month, i finally fixed the issue with longer names not fitting the nameplates. it took a while, but it's fixed! the solution to this problem was fixing how the text was formatted inside the namebox and also the width of the namebox.
(clyde's assistant, diya, is now...clyde's segment producer! good for her)
i also really, really, really wanted a three card monte minigame. but i wanted the card shuffling to feel random. i don't want to explain too much because it would spoil how it work (i can talk more about it once the demo officially comes out) but i had to go with a more 'complex' solution because i didn't understand the more 'simple' solution. if any of that makes sense.
you can play introdemo w/o ever running into the tcm minigame so it's not my main priority right now. but thankfully, it works fine, but it's something that i will have to revisit later.
other minigames that will be introdemo includes: pop quizzes, point n click and hidden objects, decrypting secret messages, pulling off a successful interview, critiquing a romance novel and...more? maybe?
aaaand that's about it! next time i write up another blog post, it'll feature some gameplay footage (like minigames, choices, motion comic scenes, etc), just wanted to tell you guys where i'm at rn since it's been a while.
i had some things happen in my personal life at the beginning of the year which caused me to stop working on this game. i'm ready to work on this game again, and i'll try to get the demo out before the end of this year, even if that means uploading it on 12/31/21 at 11:59:59 PM EST.
thanks for waiting and thanks for reading! sorry ahead of time for any proofreading errors lol.
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Capstone project over! Here is what I have planned for Hyaline
My major university assessment - a group software project that was developed over 8 months - is over and done with! Woo! It was a game, I chose to jump in with the gamedev students so I could learn more about the technical side of development to aid me in making Hyaline. We were a group of 8 and had supervisors and everything, so it was an incredibly insightful ordeal when it comes to project management and completion.
So, Hyaline’s game - here are 2 things from the start of the year, and 2 things from the distant past.
And a bad quality 2018 photo of a draft print of Hyaline’s world guide book just as a reminder that progress had actually been made on it before life kicked my ass (this photo is my tether when I feel like I’ve achieved nothing in my projects, really.)
I’d like to continue on with my now ancient plans for opening a Hyaline themed shop but finances and time are not on my side for that right now.
Read below for information regarding my plans / my degree and how it all fits together.
The largest change is my focus shift from the world guide to the videogame.
The world guide writing is more or less in a second draft state and has been for eons. All that is left is some worldbuilding details about climate and then I need to work on the illustrations. I burn myself out every time when I try to paint complex scenes because I cannot visualize depth (stereoblindness.) I can’t imagine where to place things inside of a perspective grid.
The world guide primarily focuses on the section of rainforest Hyaline’s game is set in. So I’ve decided to build that first because I’ll need to do it anyway, and it means I have references for the illustrations I need to do - that are canon down to every detail!
The game relies on the environment for mechanics - the wildlife and placement of edible plants, of water, etc, is the driving force behind the survival gameplay. I also plan to include story-driven exploration elements which requires the map be finalized too.
I’ll be making the prototype for the mechanics as well to ensure my design decisions aren’t a total disaster so it’s going to be a big undertaking so I’m equal parts nervous and hype.
The graphic novel remains the last on the list to complete, which pains me, because it’s my favourite story arc! But it requires the most worldbuilding work and chronologically makes the most sense to release last. Though I do want to make some standalone comics of the characters since discovering sketching scenes with 3D art first. I have been slowly working on redesigning the characters and species to make them fit the world more, too.
I don’t have any deadlines or estimates on when things will be done, life circumstances remain fucky and will probably remain that way until I get any semblance of life and financial stability, after I graduate. Hyaline is a living world, anyway - I’m trying to just enjoy the worldbulding process.
As for my degree -
I’m scheduled to graduate at the end of 2022. Due to a prerequisite and unit availability, I have to do 2 semesters part time. I should still be able to access financial support because this is for a reason outside of my control. If so, thank fuck, because the lower end of the full time study load was really harsh on my disabilities and university has been torture for that.
2 of my 4 units left are 3D modelling electives, because I am so antsy to have time to dedicate to projects again after almost five years of utter hell, and I’d rather have a chill time in my final year. Also I’m not very good at 3D art for games and it’s yet another sneaky way to use my unrelated degree to help me make progress with my projects.
Thank you so much to my patrons for the support - the extra money has been a godsend - and to the people who have been patiently following me all these years. I have learned so much, and changed so much, and I can finally see a future that isn’t full of misery and art burnout!
I’ll have a cybersecurity and neuroscience degree by the end of next year, in absence of any more setbacks, and can maybe finally afford to exist as a Sick Person. Here’s hoping.
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