#it's just..... so sad for me ig i just feel so sad about it.

[xamaxenta]

Feeling absolutely horrible gut wrenching imposter syndrome in regards to being trans like

The fact i haven’t bothered to do anything about my dysphoria or anxiety about dealing with it means i dont want to transition when i do and idk what to do and its so hard in this country where its very conservativr snd gblsjfbf

Basically trans experience sucking rn i feel like a huge loser and really gross in my own skin

But idk im terrified of having to speak to a fucking doctor about this because i always feel like theyre not gonna believe me.

#like. why do i have to prove myself to anyone. #i also just. have so much trauma around telling people im trans #i hate it that i do #but its the reason im resisting because the rejection would be so insanely painful #thanks mom and dad for that. ive never loved or trusted you since. #its a lie everyone wants to love their parents. #im just overwhelmingly sad about this #im so lost im so fuckingnfjfh #fuck me i hate myself so much #i hate how i look i hate how i sound o hold absolutely no love inside me for me #im always so wistful when i see those self love posts on IG or Twitter like #these people are so happy #with being them and im like why cant i feel that? #also vaguely related but drawing that trans sabo really ignited a fucking longing in my heart and it just feels so far away

[httpiastri]

sleeping patterns – cn34

nights filled with endless crying and screaming take a toll on clement's confidence.

genre: fluff, slight comfort/angst ig

pairing: young dad!clem x young mom!reader

warnings: none

author’s note: aaaaaaaaaaa im so soft for clem and ive had such an insane baby fever recently. i miss him sm :(( he would be such a good dad, i just know it

f2/f3 masterlist

‎‎ ‎‎

the big, red numbers of your electric clock on the bedside table tell you it's only 3am, a frustrated huff passing through your lips when your eyes slowly open. it takes a while for you to realize what's waking you up – but then it makes so much sense.

the soft cries on the other side of the baby monitor sting like a knife in your heart, and you're fully awake in a matter of seconds. you're just about to push yourself up to a sitting position when the bed dips next to you. after turning around, you find your boyfriend already jumping out of bed. "i'll get her."

"are you sure?" you ask, voice creaky after several hours of not speaking.

clement nods, leaning down to press a kiss to your temple. "go back to sleep," he hums, and just like that, he has waddled through the door to your nursery.

the sad truth is that your little one hasn't been progressing with her sleep as much as she should. she had a period of almost sleeping through the nights about a month ago, but then you were hit with the four-month regression. she's almost five months old now, and still, you have issues with sudden wakeups in the middle of the night. as much as you adore every second you get to spend with her, you just wish you could get one full night of sleep sometime.

you know you won't be able to fall asleep until clement is back, you never can. but it's not because you're worried; in fact, there's not a single piece of concern on your mind over it. you know that he has mastered the cradling-cooing-bouncing sequence by now. and sure enough, your daughter's cries grow lighter and lighter, until the only sound that can be heard from the monitor is the ones of soft steps and hushed whispers.

but something feels off. even when the apartment is completely silent, clement doesn't come back to bed.

it's very strange. he fell asleep once in the rocking chair in the nursery, but complained about his back aching for a week afterwards and promised that he would never put himself through that again.

the moonlight peeking through the poorly shut blinds in the nursery casts a shadow across clement's profile when you step inside. despite how dark it is, you can see every little toy on the floor and every detail of the little race car-themed mobile that dangles above the crib clearly. you're way too used to being in here at night.

clement has put your daughter back down into her crib by now, and his hands are wrapped around the railing as he leans over it, looking down at her. he doesn't react when you come closer, and he doesn't move a muscle even when you place your hand on his shoulder. it's easy to understand that something is bothering him.

"what's on your mind?"

he turns to you and lets out a tiny exhale, as if it was a struggle for him to snap himself out of his thoughts. he shakes his head. "it's nothing."

"tell me," you press, giving his shoulder a soft squeeze.

"well, i…" he squeezes his eyes shut. "i'm kind of freaking out. it's been over four months, and… i still haven't adjusted."

"honey," you start, your hand moving to the back of his neck. "where is this coming from? so suddenly?"

"i don't know," he says with a sigh. "you've seen me lately, i've barely been able to fall asleep at all."

he opens his eyes again and gazes down into the crib, eyes softening once they land on the little bundle of love resting so peacefully. he follows the way her chest rises with her breaths, her slightly pouting lips, her tiny fists that are wrapped around her blankie.

"it feels like i'm the only one who's struggling. you're such a natural, you're doing so much better with her, while i just feel… hopeless."

you don't want to interrupt him – clement doesn't often speak about his deeper feelings, so now that he's finally going, you don't wish to stop his flow – but you have to say something. "i think you're doing really well."

"you actually think so?" he asks. though his gaze doesn't move an inch, he can still see you nodding in the corner of his eye. he takes a deep breath. "i've heard people say that new fathers go through things… that it takes time, that it takes patience- and i've tried to be patient, i really have. but…"

he finally looks at you, and his heart breaks slightly at the sight of your uneasy expression, the tension in your eyebrows and your worried eyes. he hates being the one to make you feel like this.

"i just can't get rid of this constant anxiety. it feels like i'm always stressing over something. over you, over her, over everything."

you relate to every word he says. being this young, you feel like you're stumbling through darkness most of the time, not knowing what to do. it's frankly a guessing game, with mostly correct guesses mixed with some bad ones, since neither of you have any prior parenting experiences. even though he may not see it or know it, you're going through the same things as him.

no one had expected for you to get pregnant at this age, and no one – not even the two of you – had expected for you and clement to actually keep the baby. and sometimes, way more often than you'd thought before, your youth and inexperience has been catching up with you.

it's hard, but at least you have each other.

you step closer, draping your arms around his shoulders in an instant. "it's alright," you whisper into the skin of his neck, your nose filling with that scent that's just so him, and you finally relax a bit. his hands find your waist, fingers caressing your sides through the flimsy material of your nightgown. "it's okay to feel like this. i do, too. i think… all new parents must feel it." you give his neck a soft kiss. "but they all get through it, don't they? and so will we."

he stays silent for a while before he nods slowly. "it's all just so… intimidating. i don't want to mess anything up."

"and you won't." you pull away slightly to look into his eyes. "i trust you fully, and-"

you're interrupted mid-sentence, the sound of your daughter stirring in her crib taking clement's attention away from you as he glances towards her. you see his adam's apple bob as she begins to whine, her fists clenching and face scrunching up. "should- can i take her?" he asks tentatively, hands trembling slightly on your sides.

you nod not even a second later, stepping out of his embrace to give him no excuse to hold back. "go for it."

clement had bought every parenting guidebook he could find, and read every website with tips for new parents on the entire internet – and yet, nothing had prepared him for this nervousness that he's experiencing so often. he knew it wouldn't be smooth sailing all the way, but he hadn't expected to feel this uncertain in everything he does. even in the way that he picks his daughter out of her crib, he feels anxious that he's doing something wrong.

however, the second she feels her father's presence, it's far from the story that his anxiety has been making up for him. she lets out one last soft cry before, as if out of habit, nuzzling her face into his skin.

while clement has been struggling this whole time, you can't help but notice that she settles easily into his arms. like she belongs there; like she knows that he'll take care of her.

because he always does.

"see?" you say, letting a finger run along the curve of her cheek as you smile down at her. "that's not so bad, is it? you're doing so well."

considering all the difficulties he's faced, hearing these kind words of appreciation from you gives him comfort in a way that few other feelings can compare to. his gaze is still glued to your daughter, the precious little baby that is his entire world. well, half of his world – the other half is standing right next to him. "i love her, you know," he says softly. "even if she doesn't know it yet, i do. so much."

"i think she knows," you answer, watching as your boyfriend cradles her against his bare chest. he has loved the skin-on-skin contact since day one, and you're sure she does, too; her gentle babbling is always a sure sign that she's completely content. you can't hold back from smiling. "and she loves you just as much."

"sometimes i just can't believe that she's ours. that we made her." his eyes meet yours, nothing but pure love in them. "isn't it strange?"

"strange that we've done something good for once?"

he answers your tease by sticking out his tongue, nudging your shoulder with his, though gently enough to not bother the little one in his arms.

"come on, let's go back to bed," you say, leaning in to press your lips gently to the back of her head. "one night of co-sleeping can't be the entire world, can it?"

#f1 #f2 #formula 1 #formula one #formula two #formula 2 #elms #european le mans series #clement novalak #fluff #angst #x reader #x you #x yn #x y/n #imagine #scenario #fanfic #fic #romance

[bibibbon]

MHA CH 421 rambles

Ok so this was a chapter ok. Iam personally not a fan of what happend here but you do you.

I hated AFO's little monologue. introspection thingy and to be honest sukuna does it better. Look Iam critical of both jjk and MHA as they fail in their own aspects on certain things but dam I couldn't care less for AFO and his monologue I seriously couldn't. Yoichi as already dead and if AFO's goal was to be a supervillain from a comic and to reunite with yoichi then why not just idk get the doctor to do it for him or just die to reunite with AFO 🤷‍♀️. His whole thing about tragedy making people stronger or him not feeling anything didn't even hit well because his development sucks and him coming back feels repetitive anyway

Sero getting to respond to the things about tragedy felt so underwhelming I didn't like it. Sero throughout the whole and entire series lacked any screentime and development for him to be getting a big moment that should be given to another character feels like a horrible move. We seriously don't know of anything that has affected sero aka hurt him directly in the manga (aka something just him) so it all feels underwhelming and disappointing. Unironically, I feel like sero should of been one of those characters who left the story or just stayed as a minor character because hori is trying to develop and give him importance way too late into the story.

Where is inko?!?!?! So we see everyone heck we see the civilians, gran Torino, Kota and Eri all comment and hope for izuku to do something but inko his own mother isn't present. Now this probably means something bad is happening or will happen to inko but if nothing happens and she isn't present then dam classic neglectful inko strikes again ig or if they make it a gag that she fainted out of stress i will just hate it even more

I hate that this is something out of the endgame and if hori was trying to be like gege by making everyone join it felt rubbish. Iam not a fan and I mean it I HATE the whole everyone joining in to fight AFO together type thing and I just do. To me it's Izuku's time to shine and people take down villains and do their jobs in other areas at this point everyone is doing more damage to AFO than Izuku who hasn't even landed a hit on izuku. Also why is it that character like Todorokis who have had their big moments here?!?!? It seems like this is a fight where hori is trying to make everyone have a moment before Izuku lands the final hit which doesn't sit right with me. Like there are characters here who have already had their moments like jirou, camie, yuuga, asui, mina and way more but they're here to ... Assist in the fight have another big moment and make AFO more of a potato character then a proper scary villain

present mic is back which I love. One of the good things is that present mic is alive, it's good to have confirmation of that

Even though I think erasers writing is heavily flawed at least someone is holding Izuku. At least izuku is getting something , some comfort out here at least someone is holding him but dam this seems like a disservice all of this seems like a disservice to izuku. Like I wonder do the civilians feel guilty does anyone feel sad or guilty for having this 16 year old child fight something way bigger than him in the name of peace and other peoples safety?

I think the whole thing with Izuku getting that guy's shirt is rubbish and underwhelming. It just doesn't sit right with me, that guy's shirt would of probably been dirty as hell considering it's the only thing we have seen him wearing. Like @mikeellee told me it would of been more impactful if the shirt was given to izuku and that guy had a healing quirk or helped izuku more directly. Now I get that this is supposed to make the guy more likable and show that he ahs developed which we can see and dam hori can actually give some decent development when he wants to but it all falls flat and doesn't do much for me. Also I have seen someone say that izuku wearing this shirt and it covering his upper half is showing how he is losing his ability to be a hero and dam that breaks me.

I can't with the Izuku running to the battlefield and the parallels kill me (we haven't really developed/moved on from chapter one considering the story just loops around itself). Izuku running towards danger quirkless thinking that it's his job because people who were supposed to help and protect him failed. Izuku now quirkless with only the tiny and fading embers of OFA thinning trying to defeat OFA with the damage of kudos quirk still effecting him. All of this to protect others to help them something he never got during the past. This fight will probably parallel all might but all of this happening and I feel nothing all of it falls flat and I feel bad for izuku that's it.

It was a chapter and considering how I hated previous writing decisions I was also gonna hate on the developed/expanded writing decisions either way

#mha critical #bnha critical #mha #hori is a bad writer #horikoshi critical #izuku deserves better #bhna critical #bnha #mha 421 #bnha 421

[ikyw-t]

man i just keep having this totally irrational feeling that if i go and apply at the same job where i first met this boy almost 3 years ago exactly now that somehow it would magically turn back the clock and he'll show up for the first time again and i could spent less of the time before he moved away being unnecessarily anxious or such a wallflower about everything and that maybe i wouldn't be feeling so sad about it rn if i had just enjoyed those brief six months a little bit more while it was still happening

#i feel so strongly and so irrationally that i walk back in that store again he'll somehow be there too #and it'll just be 2019 and i can do it again and #man. it's not even regret that makes me want to try to do it all again it's just feeling that i rly didnt appreciate it enough at the time #and now it's probably over for ever or at least it could never be the same again anyway bc i mean rly nothing ever is regardless #it's just..... so sad for me ig i just feel so sad about it. #also ive been sad about him all week and somehow today it just hit me #that we met when he was 24 and i was 20 and it's been 3 years since then so he's 27 now #which somehow makes me feel even more sad and pathetic about being sad #like he literally left this state two years ago and he probably has a whole life out there #and likely does not spend that much time thinking about some 23 year old he knew 3 years ago for six months #sorry to be so dramatic and sad and all that on main #i feel embarrassed to bring this up with my friends bc it just all feels so frivolous and it was like. years ago. #how has it taken me two and a half years to be this freaking sad about it. truly what on earth man #:( #and i probably won't but even if i did text him now that just seems like it'd be so selfish #when he literally moved away 2.5 whole years ago and has probably moved on from whatever feelings he may have even had #like who takes this long to realize they miss someone. who woudl appreciate even hearing from them after this long #idk it's fine I'm gonna go wash my hair since i cut it short again today (well my mom cut it. shout out to her lol) #anyway it's fine! ill be normal about this in a few days probably and then will go back to once again living my life #wisconsin boy #it's kinda depressing to use that tag again but in case u don't wanna see this nonsense pls feel free to filter it out lol I understand

[jils-things]

to love someone is to heal someone

#~ art #♥️ memoryshipping #ignore tags if youre just here for the art and not me going full diary mode #anyways ... this is a little personal to me #especially with how i treat her here. i think this is a direct projection of how i'm feeling right now #today has been a little harsh on me - maybe a little painful even #i'm okay now - because i resolved it. albeit harboring some bits of anger to it but its not worth fighting about anymore #its hard to say that i'm - very optimistic so to speak because it's only one pillar i just jumped over and there will be more later #and this is me coping with it and im lucky to have mustered some energy to at least express it through drawing #i havent been drawing much for myself and it makes me sad because its my source of happiness #my time for drawing is being repurposed for other stuff right now and it still is and i dont feel entirely happy doing it unfortunately #i still have many things i want to follow up on my drawing list especially in my recent interests peaking again #but i resorted for now to making something im already used to. stevaide lol fgsjsddsjjsdjkghsdjgdjkhskjghshsgsasjhjsjksdjfhsfasgs corny ass #rest assured im at a somewhat relaxed state right now. throwing boops here and there calmed me down because theres people around me #who ig thinks im cool eajdhajhd #ahh anyway

[laesas]

did you ever make a post about pete not liking tankhun ? i know you mentioned it a few times in your tags but i don't remember seeing a post. (i share your opin ions.)

I definitely toyed with the idea of meta or a gifset but I didn't ever make a full post! I love unrequited love and I ESPECIALLY love the extremely rare platonic version which Tankhun and Pete absolutely nail in my opinion!

There are loads of moments where Pete's smile drops around Tankhun very quickly, or he insults Tankhun behind his back. Instead of laughing things off like Arm and Pol, he almost has a wincing fear-response to Tankhun, which we don't really see at all from the other bodyguards.

I think that Tankhun likes to think of himself as being close friends with his bodyguards, and he does genuinely show a lot of open affection for Pete and eventually concern for his safety. But I think ultimately for Pete, Tankhun is just a part of Pete's job, and over time resentment has built up until he thinks of Tankhun as one of the *worst* parts of it. I definitely don't think he resents Tankhun enough to hurt or endanger him, but that's about as far as it goes, there's certainly very little love there.

Something about that dynamic is just particularly brilliant, especially when combined with Pete's eventual defection from Tankhun's side to Vegas'. He chooses a man who has beaten and tortured him over a man who showers him in affection and throws parties on his return.

I utterly adore Tankhun but I think as a character that's grown up in a gilded cage, he doesn't really understand that what Pete needs is a sense of his own autonomy rather than being dragged to "fun" "lets cheer up Pete" parties that Tankhun has demanded on his behalf. At least with Vegas he *chose* to go back, he handed Vegas the ropes, let him lock him back up again. Even before he develops feelings for Vegas, Pete has clearly felt like a subhuman pet for Tankhun and the main family for a long, long time and I think ironically Vegas acknowledging Pete's humanity is the tipping point for him.

I think even without their nascent romantic love as a factor, Pete would always choose Vegas. Because despite the threat of suffering, he offers a sense of freedom that Tankhun's gilded cage does not. It all makes for an incredibly interesting betrayal, and makes Pete choosing Vegas over Tankhun all the more pointed. By choosing to be Vegas' pet, he chooses to be human.

#I have had this gifset concept rattling round my brain since before I even learned to make gifs #if I didn't have so many complicated feelings about Pete after the whole Build situation I'd make it in a heartbeat tbh #my worry is that it would either be taken as a ''hating on Pete'' set and I'd get mad shit for it in my inbox #(despite it being one of my fave facets of his character) #or it would be interpreted as a ''Build's acting appreciation!'' post which tbf it kinda would be. #theres no getting away from the fact that he shaped Pete into a very interesting and nuanced character #but you wouldn't catch me dead making a ''Captain Jack Sparrow appreciation'' set even if I loved POTC as much as KPTS yknow? #like theres only so much distance I can split the character from the actor. which sucks bc Pete as a character was one of my favourites #idk. probably not the ideal answer lol #my first instict was to just make the set since it was all planned out from like december #but since January my love for Pete as a character has mostly been in a little box on a high shelf that I do not ever touch. which is sad #but it is what it is ig #anyway lol 👀 #tankhun theerapanyakul #pete kp #tankhun kp #kp meta #ask #anon #watch me deliberately not putting that shit in the pete tag out of fear #anyway back on the high shelf you go little pete feelings. lets go back to simply not acknowledging u once more lol 🥲✨ #goddamn I deliberately hadnt thought about him in months but now I kinda miss Pete... :( I love this ask though thank u for sending it! 🦔✨ #damn rereading this its like girl. do you have an unrequited love for commas?? fucking use them?? :) anywaY #kpts

[dykeinthedark]

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her. #but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core) #but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke. #like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to??? #everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those) #i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women'' #which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love) #i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it?? #even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses?? #that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger??? #and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

[tokyocyborg]

#is like reverse seasonal depression a thing bc i feel so much better in winter vs summer #anyway in bad (?) news #i am so lonely oh my god #please i need friends #been scrolling through pinterest for too long all of the pics of couples are making me so sad #it's even worse bc ik that no one sees me as a boy #like i'll never have a pinterest relationship #idk just bad dysphoria day ig #saw someone post on tt earlier saying no one is obligated to love you and that means you might never find it and that makes me so so sad #i just need someone ig #i keep going back to that mentor figure #and i read about lou sullivan a few days ago #his story makes me so sad #it's kind of like looking in a mirror #'they said i would never live as a gay man but it seems i will die as one' #still gives me chills #aesthetic #moodboard #mood board #aesthetic moodboard #messy layouts #aestheitcs #messy icons #icons

[illir]

oh right i talk abt this sometimes on twitter but never here so

if you want to repost my art, please ask me first. i will most likely say yes, but PLEASE ask! not only for my art but anyone's art, really. it doesn't matter if you're going to give credits or not. some artists don't want their art reposted at all, not even with credits. make sure to ASK FIRST.

same way if you're going to use someone else's art for personal use (icon, header, etc). DON'T DO IT UNLESS: 1) the artist has stated that it's okay to use their art for personal use (check their twitter bio, about page, carrd, etc), or 2) you personally ask them and they say it's fine. if they don't answer, it means NO.

don't treat someone's art as a free drawing you can use however you want!! is all.

#the thing with reposts is a general problem within the art community itself but #in yuumori fandom we've had 'fights' with several reposts account especially on instagram LMFAOOO #it was tiring every time... since they were all being defensive instead of just deleting their posts #there was even one time where a japanese yuumori fanartist made a callout post and asked everyone to report this one acc on ig #and they only deleted the tweets once the reposter took down all their posts #it was... an experience 💀 i didn't expect them to do that lol #fortunately our fandom isn't that big in terms of number of ppl who are constantly active #plus the intl and jpn fans generally get along pretty well too i'd say #so these things are resolved quickly bc words tend to spread fast #it's just sad that this keeps happening #i feel like the only people who get defensive about reposts are people who don't draw #like i hurt my back and arm while drawing this shit's not easy #it can be super draining #people who say “artists are so whiny” piss me the fuck off because it's not like we're whiny for no reason #oh my god that was long jhfjdsk #anyways

[im-smart-i-swear]

eeneks sister having a fuck ton of scars, but later most of them being revealed as just from her childhood/from mundane accidents is so fucking funny to me for some reason.........

#like of course a lot of her scars ARE blade of marmora -related #but a significant part of em are just. eens scratches n bites & the results of mundane fuck ups #god. i hate calling her 'eeneks sister' all the time. i NEED to find a good name for her asap!!!!!! #constantly calling one of your only female characters '[someone]s sister/daughter/etc' feels wrong and this woman deserves better than that #also. ignore the scar placement. it WILL change #i am incapable of drawing scars consistently #and im still figuring out her design #my funky guys #my art #im a little bit obsessed with her. shes like a sad wet cat to me #shes so cool and cringe at the same time<333 #20 something who spent her entire adult life as a marmora solider and is now trying very hard to learn how to be Normal(its not going well) #girl has issues #love that for her<3 #ive been on an eenek kick lately. thinking about this fucked up family 24/7. i love them #theyre all so funny to me. this family of three has so much drama its like a fuckin soap opera in here. its ridicoulus #also #taks thinks this woman is soooo cool and badass. i mean she is but shes also a wreck. #taks takes after eenek and idolises their sister. paralells ig??? #this girl sees a purple alien and asks 'is anyone gonna use this guy as their role model for the next couple of years??' #and doesnt wait for an answer

[askamnesiamoonjumper]

me after editing the aau prologue for the bajillionth time

#First chapter I changed the opening bc I always thought it felt off/abrupt and wanted to have it be prince pov from the start #I wanna get in his head more ok sue me #Beyond that tho it was just some wording edits #Specifically with the internal dialogue moments I helped them flow more/feel more like thoughts #Also mj gets a bit more of their usual edge/pessimism bc the prologue they always felt a bit too “ówò sad poor smol bean” or whatever #That’s it tho chapter 4 I didn’t change bc it’s peak #Did add some teases to later things tho like snatch senses mjs soul at the end of his chap but doesn’t realize it #Or like I added the Not Now running thing in the earlier chapters bc it was more of a chapter 4 thing so I wanted 2 set it up more so boom #I think that’s all the notable edits ig like I said just description additions the only actual new thing is the opener for chap 1 👍 #Also also I got to include a hc that I have that I neglected to do before but I hc a!prince used plural internal dialogue #Because lol we love dramatic irony in this house #Grace post #this reminds me tho one of these days I should look through heart strings chapter one to look for editing things #Bc I think I did that recently but I don’t remember it much tho #Mostly just when the Hat stuff starts that was the parts I never directly rewrote I just edited them so they feel out of place in my brain #Also I’d wanna edit her dialogue bc it *was* in character (after rereading her diary’s to confirm) but I wanna have her be a bit more snark #Hat is Hard bc i Need the balance of cute little kid and also smug little shit (affectionate) like she is a pain to write man cries #This is just me rambling lol ignore it I just wanted to spam aau thoughts #In other news I made shapes redesigns but I’m on the fence on posting them bc idk if I wanna spoil or not hhhhhhhhh #Nowadays I’m more chill w spoiling things than I used to be #But there are a handful of things I’ve kept shut about (ex being princes name or mjs species stuff etc) #So I’m not sure if this thing with shapes i should keep secret or just post bc I used to spoil it but idk now #Shrugs #maybe I’ll do a poll later I dunno #Ok yapping over byeeeeee

[deus-ex-mona]

kawareeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~

#(aka me when my acid burns randomly start throbbin’ when i bend over :( it’s very inconvenient) #in other news ​this week absolutely s u c k s can i trade it in for a better one— #first there was that acid spill. which. like. ouch???? but the mark is still there and is apparently very obvious. which sucks #then the day after the acid attack™️ meself and one other guy were called out under the assumption that we were doing unnecessary overtime #with the ‘unnecessary’ part running off the basis that there’s a low sample volume bc one single monday had fewer samples than usual #and we were singled out j u s t because our taxi claims for last month were through the roof due to the fact that we live across the country #like??? hellooo????? why are you treating it like it’s my fault that i have to pay upwards of $24 (at least) to get home??? #and??? excuse????? why are you extrapolating the previous day’s sample volume to the previous month’s workload as a whole???? #but. m a n. the way the mildly higher up lady abruptly shouted at me for asking a question just. pissed me off. for some reason. #she was talking in circles regarding the future of our taxi claims #so i asked if we (now) had to submit a second claims form for the transport company dudes to compensate us #and she yelled at me to stop talking before i could finish :( sadded and annoyed tbh #though i get the feeling that she hasn’t liked me ever since i left some results she asked for between her desk and some other guy’s desk #and someone else had placed their notebook or sth atop it so she couldn’t find it. and she blamed me for it. ha. #that was a few weeks ago though. so. hm. i wonder if she’s still mad about that… #either way. i applied for a couple of jobs that are closer to my place bc screw travelling across the country for an hour every day #s c r e w hour-long train rides i’d rather sleep #i prolly won’t even get the other jobs but. oh well. that’s life ig

[that-was-anticlimactic]

there’s something so sacred about sharing what you love with others: whether it be a song or food or clothes, a show or a movie or pictures. it's just... such a deep and personal thing, you know? having someone carve out a little part of their heart and gift it to you with an abundance of joy and excitement and passion... yeah.

#i lowkey had an awful day today lol #and it was my first day taking over as teacher so that's a great way to start it #there are people in seventh period who literally despise me and maybe that's an exaggeration but i looked over their creative writing for #the day and one of those kids literally wrote about how he was having a good day but then it turned into a bad day when i started the #creative writing with them so that was great and other stuff happened idk and one of my tics was really... uh... present today and i was so #aware of it and i feel like everyone was laughing at me because of it even tho ik that was just me being self-conscious but God i wanted to #cry and i shared a piece of my heart with them today for the creative writing exercise and so many of them just. told me how awful it was #like someone straight up started with 'this song is terrible' and then proceeded to write a paragraph about how bad it was #idk. it made me feel like a young kid again - sitting by myself on the playground and reading books. like i was in middle school and #everyone was telling me that the things that i loved were stupid. like i was a kid getting teased just lowkey enough that the teachers #couldn't tell because it wasn't necessarily outright bullying but they were making fun of what i loved which Hurts and then i was in high #school having to defend what i love and then in college hearing 'you ruined this for me because you liked it too much' and it just. idk. #it hurts. i find sharing passions and what i love with others so sacred and important and it Hurts when they just tear it and you down and #ik they're juniors and ik there will always be people like that but it was constant and idk. i'm just sad lol #so anyways even if someone shares something with you that you don't like there is literally No reason to be rude about it. you're allowed #to say you dislike it but it's not okay to just tell them straight up it's stupid or awful or you'd rather get hit by a car than hear the #song again. hm. ig i have some unresolved trauma lol #sorry for the rant y'all i just. needed to rant ig idk

[gothamslostboy]

The only things I knew about the Lost Boys going into was that my dad liked it and one time I woke up at like 2am during the scene David shows his vamp form in the tree. I was a kid who got scared very easy [i couldn’t even watch Scooby doo zombie island until I was 10]but wasn’t scared of that even a little. I was fascinated. I think that’s why David was my favorite for a long time, he was the first “scary” thing I wasn’t afraid of.

#it took me a while to figure out what the movie was tho #bc again #I was 7 and I quickly feel asleep again #I remember dreaming about David for years tho #just his face and being so fucking intrigued by him #eventually I asked my dad about the movie #it had been a couple years so I struggled explaining #so when we figured out it was TLB I sat down at 14 and rewatched it for the first time since that night #loved it (obviously) #every month after that we would watch TLB together #just me and my dad #it’s my favorite tradition I had with him and the one I’d do anything to experience one last time #sorry for getting personal #just missing him a lot rn ig #still watch the movies at least once a month tho #I might delete this #it’s sappy asf #I didnt mean to get sad on here #I try to keep it happy and light but found some pictures of him tonight #the lost boys #tlb #the lost boys 1987 #tlb 1987 #david tlb #tlb david #david the lost boys #the lost boys david #glb tlb

[tarnussy]

the blog turned 6 months old yesterday, and one thing hasn't changed in my head in this 6 months: I still think there is no point in it, like genuinely tumblr is not a place for a blog if you like G0dr!ck / are a creator for him

#not a place in general if you like anyone besides the popular characters but especially him #even some fellow g enjoyers would rather die than acknowledge that this blog exists regadless how many kinds of posts i do about him #that's kinda sad bc i was excited to connect with some creators who also like him #not to even mention the constant shit stirring behind the scenes which i hear is especially common for s0ul$ fandoms #but where else can you go if you like to create fandom content? bc IG is impossible now with this new filter update #so is twitter #i went on 2 bigger breaks recently but still i feel the same #i wish my fucking brain didn't hyperfixate on things so hard that the only outlet is wanting to share it with others #i also wish my friends cared enough that i could have just streamed ER to them just one fucking time. JUST FUCKING O N C E #i feel a lot of sadness and anger and the sillygoofy posts i make just make it worse #also the fact that people with terrible and harmful behavior are supported by so many others just baffles me #and if you don't want anything to do with that behavior you are the issue apparently #cw negative

[widevibratobitch]

took a bunch of clothes to my mom's to wash them since my washing machine is still down and she said 'ill do it dw about it' and threw my favourite white top in with the colours. i no longer have a favourite white top :)

#and i cant even be mad at her because her husband is dead #lol and lmao #anyway the top is now the ugliest greyish minty colour and it looks horrible #normally i wouldnt mind. like there were two white tops and the other also got dyed and idc #but this one had a more unique idc shape? whatever you call that. and it was one of the very few crop tops #that really made me feel good about my body. like not even 'ok i guess i dont look like something that crawled out of a garbage bin' #but genuinely 'good' #and it feels so stupid to be this upset over such a small thing but i feel like ive been at the very limit for the last few days #with everyone fucking crying around me #that this genuinely feels like a tragedy to me rn lol #anyway im being nice and i keep saying its no big deal and nvm but ig you can see that im upset #so now SHE'S mad that I'M mad even tho im not even being a bitch about it im just Sad lol #kms #anyway i feel like shit and it all feels so overwhelming and to think that ill have to spend the long weekend in may here too #my dad and his gf will be at my place in wrocław going to concerts cause there's some sort of festival #all my friends will be chilling and having fun #and i cant even go to prague or vice versa because ill have to be here. having the time of my life with my mother and my grandpa #losing my mind and getting panick attacks in the bathroom lol