#it'd be kind but that doesn't mean you're bad or anything if you don't

[something-about-sunflowers]

OH, by the way, I may as well go ahead and say it now so it's said in advance (and I'll try and remember to reblog this as we get closer), the tags I'll be using for OFMD season 2 spoilers are, as follows:

'OFMD' 'OFMD 2' 'OFMD s2' 'OFMD season 2' 'Our Flag Means Death' 'Our Flag Means Death 2' 'Our Flag Means Death s2' 'Our Flag Means Death season 2' 'OFMD spoilers' 'OFMD 2 spoilers' 'OFMD s2 spoilers' 'OFMD season 2 spoilers' 'Our Flag Means Death spoilers' 'Our Flag Means Death 2 spoilers' 'Our Flag Means Death s2 spoilers' 'Our Flag Means Death season 2 spoilers'

For, uh, obvious reasons I'm probably just going to avoid reblogging anything about season 2 when it drops but in the event that I do see something that's worth the essay of spoiler tags it will, of course, be tagged extensively. Any original post I make will also be tagged as such. By all means don't feel like you have to block every one of these tags, I'm using such an exhaustive list so you don't have to do that, actually.

I'd say probably about a month or so out from the season finale I'll switch to just the first set of tags (so, sans the 'spoilers' add-on), for plot heavy things and then maybe a month out from that I'll likely just be foregoing the tags altogether.

Again, I'm going to try to remember to reblog this as the season gets closer, and when I lessen and when I stop tagging I'll make separate posts so you all can make the choice to keep following or not/etc. I think it's a fair ask to request that the rest of the fandom follows this method as well (if you don't use all of these tags, perhaps use the 'spoilers' ones at minimum?), but, I'm not gonna hold anybody to it. It would be kind to your fellow fans but it's your prerogative if you make that choice or not.

#the dork is being a dork #ofmd #our flag means death #spoiler tag etiquette #i guess? lmao #i hope it doesn't come across as me like making moral judgements on people who don't use this method #like #at the end there? #it's super not #it'd be kind but that doesn't mean you're bad or anything if you don't #you might get people blocking you tho

[gotham-daydreams]

Not Now (PT. 2)

[Platonic! Yandere! Neglectful Batfam × Gender Neutral! Sibling Reader]

[Warnings: Mentions of Neglect, Mild General Yandere(ish) Behavior, Arguing, Awkward Tension(?), No One is Having a Good Time, Angst, Implied Past Injuries (To Reader)]

(When I say arguing I do mean it this time. Might be a bit more OOC? Dick is living up to his nickname. This is longer than the first part, just fyi - and by a good 4k or so words. Again, take your time and remember to take breaks!)

Didn't tag anyone on this post since both this part and the first are posted back to back :] Regardless, enjoy!

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3 (PT. 1). [Series Masterlist]

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"I… I just don't think it's a good idea. It doesn't feel right, and- and I…" You couldn't think of much else to say. All the reasons you had felt too personal, and you didn't feel comfortable telling Dick any of them. Not out here, and certainly not while he was in the suit. Though even if he wasn't, you weren't sure that it'd make you any more willing to tell him anything. 

After all, you wouldn't even share the date of your birthday if he asked now, with or without the suit.

"Yeah, but why? It doesn't make sense to not go to either place just because you have a ‘bad feeling’ or anything. Even then, you'll be safe, and that's what really matters." That didn't feel like it was the case. Your safety doesn't feel like a priority over him just being able to keep an eye on you, and being able to pull anything he wants to without any prying eyes.

Though it was with that thought, did you wonder when you began to see Dick as someone so untrustworthy that you considered him to be on the same level as a thug out on the streets. Just far more dangerous and capable.

"Look, I just-" You sigh harshly, looking back at Dick as the fire in your chest rose, building up as it poked at your ribs and flesh. Begging for more air, more room to grow. "I'm going to the park. If you're not coming then that's fine by me, and if you're not okay with that, then there's nothing I can do about it." You state, looking forward as you pick up your pace. 

Dick fumbles over his words before he hurriedly matches your pace, "Wait! Let's try and think this over-"

"Why? Even if we're out in the open, you're still a vigilante. If you can defend and look after an entire city, then surely you can protect one person, right? Not to mention that I can take care of myself." You huff, still keeping your eyes forward even as they narrow. You add, "Besides, again- not many people are out tonight. And if anything- seem to be rushing home, because of whatever is going on. We'll be fine."

"Sure. Yeah. I can handle it- but wouldn't it be smarter to just be inside anyway? That way it's less likely for anything to happen. You have to think rationally-" You swiftly cut Dick off again, really trying to put your foot down and stand your ground here.

"I am thinking rationally. You're a skilled vigilante that's been trained under Batman, and have only improved in skill and technique over the years. If anything goes wrong, and I can't handle it, you can. Not to mention that you have a way to contact the others if things really do go sideways, and you're in the suit. I didn't think I needed to say anything else." You sigh, lightly scratching the cup in your hands with your nail.

"Also, if you haven't noticed, even criminals and thugs are running home. It's like some kind of quarantine or lock down is going on. Some random person eavesdropping on us doesn't seem like it'll be a problem. Let alone with all of the noises that seem to be 'persuading' people to go home."

Dick could only sigh himself before saying, "Alright- okay. Fine. But like you said, I'm still in the suit."

"And?"

"And someone could see, and think that you're a close tie to me or something. You could be put in more danger."

"Are you actually worried about that now? You've been walking beside me this entire time when you didn't have to, and it's only now that you're worried about me being seen with you in the suit?"

"How else are we supposed to have this conversation? And I'm sorry for being worried about your safety, and well-being in the future for being seen with me." You could practically hear the eye-roll in Dick's voice despite knowing that he didn't actually do it. When did he get so sarcastic?

"That's not the issue, and you know that. We could've figured out some other way to have this talk, and you didn't have to walk beside me this entire time." You shot him a glance, causing Dick to sigh again.

"What if something happened while I was up top, and I couldn't react fast enough because I wasn't next to you? Someone could've tried something if I wasn't there, especially because you'd appear to be by yourself."

"So… remind me again, who's the paranoid one?"

"Y/n, I'm being serious." Dick states.

"I know. I'm being serious too, and I'm just saying that it's kind of ridiculous to be worrying about that now when it's already been a few minutes." You huff, "And I don't know what you expect me to do about it. I'm not the one in the suit, y'know. Why don't you just go and change somewhere?"

Dick rubs his nose bridge, getting annoyed but not trying to show it as he says, "Fine. I can do that, but at least come with me." He looks at you expectantly as his hand drops from his face. You couldn't help but raise a brow at his words.

"Why?"

"So that I can keep an eye on you…? And if anything happens while I'm changing- I'll be able to jump in and help much faster?" Dick said, confused. Talking as if he was stating the obvious, and maybe he was in a way, but you didn't see why he's so adamant about being close to you enough where he could easily protect you or reach you if needed.

"But wouldn't that kind of go against the point of you changing…?"

"What do you mean?"

"If I wait somewhere and Nightwing walks off, only for you-know-who to pop up after a little while, and we walk off together, wouldn't that be weird? Or at least hint at a certain something?" You point out, a little confused and surprised that you even had to explain this to Dick.

"C'mon, I won't be that obvious. And even then, no one will be able to figure it out."

"You say that like every other villain or wannabe in Gotham isn't some genius or anything. They're criminals and all that, but they aren't entirely stupid."

Dick sighs, though it came out more frustrated than he would’ve liked as he ran a hand through his hair once again, "Still, I'd just like for you to at least be close by. I don't want anything to happen to you, and I want to be able to help out as soon and as quickly as I can if anything does." He explains, getting a little closer to you.

"Please, Y/n. Just come with me."

You shake your head, your shoulders feeling far too heavy, and the flame in your chest was much too hot for you to even think about it. You knew Dick wasn't happy about it when he gave you a little room, but still kept close. As if hoping you'd change your mind, despite already knowing the answer.

"I'll just head to the park, and wait a few minutes. I'm not defenseless and can handle myself for a while, and it's not my fault that I could be in more potential danger because someone thought it was a good idea to come see me, and follow me around while in their suit. You can figure it out, and live without me for a few minutes." You huff harshly, adding, "If you aren't there after that time? I'm leaving. That's all." Once again, you pick up your pace, only to be stopped by Dick as he rushes in front of you.

"Wait- hold on. Are you sure about this? I don't think it's a good idea- and how long exactly will you be waiting? Where are you going if you leave? Are you going back to the apartment? Are you going home?" You don't like how hopeful Dick looked when he asked you that last question, but you push your discomfort to the side, and stand your ground.

"I'm an adult, and I'm a L/n. I'm sure about this. You can think whatever you want, and like I said- I'll be waiting a few minutes. If you're not there by then, I'm going to leave." You narrow your eyes at Dick, piercing him with your gaze as you said, "I've made my choice and I'm sticking to it. If you're not happy about it, or don't agree, then you can leave and I'll go on with my night. I'll wait at the park, and that's that." You state one final time before making your way around Dick, and continuing to walk forward. Luckily, he didn't try to stop you again, and if anything — seemed to stop following you entirely.

All you heard was a low scoff from behind you, and the rush of wind.

When you glance back, Dick was gone, and it was only then did you realize how heavy the air felt. Releasing the breath you didn't know you had been holding, you clutch your chest. Your heart aches, and yet you manage to push on.

Tonight wasn't exactly going well for you, but that almost tipped you over the edge.

You were beginning to hate many things about tonight, along with Dick. It almost made you think that maybe you were lucky back when he hardly ever noticed or talked to you. It made things easier, after all, and of course now that you've had your longest conversation with him — things were only getting harder.

Every word he said made him seem bigger, or pushed you down as an attempt to make you smaller. His reasoning could go from making complete sense, to being outright idiotic and paranoid. With each action of his being either too small or way too much. 

Dick, in that way, was too much.

You could chalk up some of your discomfort and nervousness to your lack of experience with Dick, and being around him. Of course some of his antics and habits would seem strange to you — since you were never able to see much of them, and those that you did notice were from a far, and never up close. You weren't able to experience them yourself, not until now. Though that almost made you grateful for all the times he turned you down or ignored you, seeing as now you could only see how much of a handful he is to deal with. 

Maybe that could've changed if you were more familiar with him, but it was too late for that now. Even if you did wonder how this whole thing would've gone if you did know him. If you were more familiar with how Dick acted, and had actually managed to spend time with him. If Dick was more familiar with you, and how that'd change this whole situation… but, again, it was much too late for that. If he really wanted to know you, he would've taken one of the chances you gave him over the years, and yet he didn't. No one did. No one except for Alfred…

You hope he's okay, at least.

Shaking your head, you push your thoughts to the side. There was no use thinking about 'what if's, not when such thoughts and possibilities kept you in the manor for so long. Not when your mind used them against you, and had you keep that pathetic hope you once desperately clung onto. You promised yourself you wouldn't do that anymore, and so you took a breath, and tried to stop them from coming in. They always slip by, but you try to ignore them. Especially since they caused you so much trouble that could have easily been avoided in the past.

You took a small sip of your coffee, only to pull it away and look at the cup strangely. 

It was… bitter. More so than you remember, and it immediately struck you as odd. Since, Jessica always managed to make your coffee the exact same way every time, and even if she did make some mistakes here and there, the change was never this significant or noticeable. Not like it was now, with the taste lingering on your tongue, almost trying to further stain your taste buds and remain there for as long as possible. As if trying to permanently ingrain itself in your mouth.

You couldn't help but cringe a bit. Maybe getting coffee really was a bad idea after all…

Sighing, you just continue on and brush the weird occurrence to the side. Whatever, you have enough things to deal with and worry about now. There wasn't much you could do about the coffee, and if anything, maybe that just went to further show how horrible your night is going thanks to Dick. 

Though, you wouldn't push it that far, even if your opinion of him was definitely souring by the minute, but the thought was pretty funny to think about, at least.

The night felt calm for once, and it’s only now, with you by yourself, do you realize how much you needed this.

Sure, Gotham was potentially going to hell, and you might see Dick again in a few minutes, but you don't have to worry about that right now. Just here, in the streets, did you have… normal problems. Problems unrelated to a family you no longer wanted to involve yourself with, that also just so happened to be made up of vigilantes. Problems that didn't involve your musical career, and how your rise to fame was becoming both an inconvenience, and a bit of an issue. Problems that… just about everyone has dealt with one way or another.

Your coffee didn't taste quite right, you felt exhausted despite having only walked a bit, and your social battery was just about to hit its limit. The air was just a tad too cold for the clothes you were wearing, you had a strong desire to crawl into bed and sleep like you had nothing else to worry about, and really — besides yourself and making a few dumb mistakes, the only thing you really had to worry about here was getting mugged. Maybe even jumped, at a push.

Yet, such things got a light, airy laugh out of you. You felt so at ease by yourself, and during the most dangerous hours of the night, no less. Despite everything, you couldn't help but find a bit of humor in it, and such a little thing even made you feel better. That uncomfortable heat in your chest dying down, and almost going away entirely as you cooled off.

As funny as it was, you felt safer and so much more at ease without the person that was so adamant about wanting to do all of these things, to protect you. How could you not laugh at the irony?

Suddenly, the bitter taste on your tongue didn't feel so bad anymore.

Walking along Gotham streets when it was so quiet still made you feel a bit uneasy, but for the time being you were able to find some small peace with it. After all, who knew when you'd get another breather like this? Especially with whatever business Dick had with you. Vigilante and hero work wasn't exactly known to be light and easy, after all. 

So, you took this moment as it is. Finding odd little details in the night that helped you relax as much as you could before things continued.

Honestly, you didn't think you were ready for whatever Dick was about to talk about or mention, but you doubt any of it could surprise you. After all, in a city where a villain breaking out of the local prison or asylum every now and again during the week was normal, it was hard to be surprised by things related to such occurrences. Since, it even felt like someone was trying to blow up the place at least twice a month, and robberies were so common that it was a wonder that anyone had any fortune left to protect at all.

Though it did still make you curious about what’s going on. 

Obviously, it couldn't be any good, but it just seems too… quiet to be anyone that Gotham had already seen before. Seeing as the usual villains and whatnot always made some kind of mess, or made things as extravagant and entertaining as possible. Almost like a certain clown that loved to try and run circles around a certain bat.

Regardless of that, however, you were still more curious about why Dick — or any of the others, really — had bothered to seek you out at all. Sure, the first thing that came to mind was that they need you for something, rather that be for help or something else entirely, but that's only because it made the most sense to you. Why else would they try to find out where you live? You couldn't think of another reason. Though, again, maybe that was because they had ignored you for so long? Even then, you can't think of anything else. 

Besides help and such, nothing else made any logical sense to you. There is no other reason. There couldn't be, and if there is — you couldn't think of it. They couldn't just be here for you. They almost weren't capable of it. You're sure, since they have made it very clear a long time ago. You were just too naive and blind to see it at first, but now you did, and you don't plan on becoming blind to that again…

Nevertheless, you continue on your little path.

Now that Dick wasn't with you, your journey to the park was short, and much more peaceful and quiet. It was almost calm in an odd way, but you appreciated it all the same.

The park held that strange feeling of abandonment and emptiness that most of Gotham seemed to have tonight — thanks to whatever was going on — but you manage to ignore it for the most part. Making your way around the park, your pace was slower and your breath was a bit heavier. You felt like you were prolonging the inevitable, and such a feeling spawned so much dread that you almost choked on it. However, you manage, and instead try to find a good place to sit and wait for the time being.

Sure, it would be easy to leave and just go on with your night, but you did want to stay true to your word even if only a little. It's the least you could do, since this would be the last thing you'd ever do for any of them, anyway. 

Besides, you were better than them in that way — following through with what you said, instead of saying a ‘maybe’ that'll never come, or a ‘next time’ that'll never arrive. Always stuck to a tomorrow that was always just out of reach.

Your words held meaning, unlike theirs.

Moving on, you eventually found a good spot. It was closer to the center of the park, and the moon could be seen as clearly as it could be with all of the clouds passing by, and building up. The air had an odd moist and damp feeling to it, and it made you think that it might rain after all, seeing as you remember hearing something about it earlier in the day. Yet, that just gave you all the more reason to hope that this whole thing would be wrapped up soon. Though whether that happened with Dick not showing up, or him making good time and keeping things short and simple, you didn't care.

Even if you did hope that he just wouldn't show. For both his sake, and your own.

Settling down on a park bench off to the side of the path, you took a big breath, before letting it all out. You still don't have a good feeling about this, but you'd take all the little victories you could. Since, you managed to avoid going to the manor and clock tower by some miracle, and even got Dick to leave you alone for a little while. Even if a small part of yourself did wish that you had pissed him off enough for him to leave you alone, you wouldn't count on it. He seemed oddly stubborn about sticking around, or to at least keep you around him, and though it made you feel uncomfortable, it unfortunately meant that there was a chance that he'd actually show up again.

You'd pray if you had any faith left, but you don't. Not at the moment, and certainly not with that possibility hanging over your head, just waiting to drop and crush you under its weight. Though for now, you'd try to not think about it as you look around, taking in the dark scenery instead.

The darkness of the night shaded over the park in an ominous, beautiful way. With the trees looming over you, and their leaves providing more shade than necessary. As if trying to protect you from the moon's stare as much as they could. The clouds slowly crawled over the sky, waiting for the perfect opportunity to drop all they were carrying — and leave the burden for Gotham to hold. They covered what could be made out of the blank, pitch black void that was the night sky, with the moon trying its hardest to shine through. To take a glimpse of the chaos below, and judge you in its silence.

A loose breeze drifts by, causing you to shiver thanks to its added chill over the night's natural coolness. The sounds of nature were hardly audible, as if even the insects have been silenced by whatever is going on, and the only thing you could hear was that constant, sickening snapping and cracking of broken bones, and that popping from joints getting dislocated. Even if such noises were much fainter now, thanks to the spot you've chosen, they still managed to reach you here, and dominate all other noises that tried to make themselves known, with its echo.

You could only sympathize with their desperation to be heard, to be noticed — only for the violence to cover all of their efforts. Maybe you'd even pity them, but you already felt foolish over your emotions, and feeling sympathy over noises was silly enough. You have already made enough humorous and dumb choices tonight, so you'd at least try to not make another. Even if you bothering to actually wait here, instead of leaving right away, is dumb enough.

You don't know if it was hilarious or sad how many stupid choices you’re making in one night, and all because of the people you are trying to leave behind. People you were so sure would never bother to look for you or even give you a single thought, and yet here you are now. Waiting for one of them to show up – only because suddenly he couldn't leave you alone. Almost like he couldn't afford to, and now you couldn't help but debate over the humor and sadness of that.

Of course it had to be now, it had to be tonight, that one of them showed up - but you don't know what exactly you're expecting. After all, if one of them were to try and show their face to you despite everything, it would be at the worst time possible. It felt fitting in an odd way, so maybe it was only right that things went down like this. That life throw one of the biggest ‘fuck you's it could at you, during a time where you are trying to recover. To heal. To get better.

Of course he just had to show his face when you were done with him — with them, and their whole family. It had to be now, when you're trying to move on, did an effort have to be made. It couldn't be while you were in the manor - when you were trying to do the same.

… Maybe you should've let him bust open the door to your apartment after all, and just ran away while you still had the chance. 

Yet, as if knowing you were thinking of walking away while he still wasn't around, Dick finally appeared and made himself known with a little whistle.

You turn your head and face him, his appearance almost making you laugh, but you didn't have it in you to do so. Much too exhausted and fatigued to even try, and your feelings were too mixed up to even consider the thought. Though you did have to admit, he did look a little funny.

Dick almost looked out of breath, but he still manages a smile when you turn to look at him. The clothes he wore looked strangely baggy, and you could've sworn that you saw the smallest glimpses of various price tags that were tucked away sloppily. Which made it look like he really was in a rush, and… well, you didn't know how to feel about that. Yet, in that same moment, you caught the tiniest bit of his suit right under the shirt he wore. Further ‘hinting’ at the fact that Dick had been in such a hurry that he didn't actually bother to change, and instead opted to cover up his suit.

His mask was off, at least, and for a moment you wondered where he put it until you noticed him subtly stuffing something in his pocket. Which is funny as it is concerning.

Dick wore an oversized coat that he left open, with a collar shirt underneath that had two of the buttons unbuttoned, along with sweatpants and shoes that didn't quite look his size. All in all, he looked like a mess, but Wayne's look good in everything for a reason, you suppose.

“Made it just in time! I told you I would, didn't I?” Dick chuckles, still holding onto the coffee you had given him earlier with one hand. The smile on his face quickly grew into a playful smirk, and you didn't know if you should find it weird or oddly scary how much closer he seems to be to the side of him you've only seen at a distance before. The side you have seen at galas or with his family, occasionally. A side you didn't have any personal experience with until now, and the dread you felt from before only grew at that.

“Um, no, you didn't-” You try to point out, only for him to cut you off.

“Well, it probably just slipped my mind, but I'm here now!” He muses, and you can’t help but find his tone off putting considering how things ended off a few minutes ago. He both looks and sounds way too happy for someone who was so annoyed with you before. 

“I didn't keep you waiting, did I?” Dick steps closer, making his way over to you casually. Not a single trace of his previous demeanor could be found.

You can't help but move a little further away, and bite your tongue. You hoped he would've, that he did, but unfortunately he did make good time. Since, from the moment you sat down, Dick appeared only a minute after, and had it not been for his messy outfit, you would've thought that he had planned this whole thing out — down to the very last second.

“No…” You drag on, looking away once again, trying to hide the disappointment in your voice.

Yet, despite the implications of it, Dick couldn't help but find it… cute, in an odd way. Causing him to exhale softly, his smirk dying back down into a smile. Blue hues shining as they look down at you.

He moves to sit down on the bench — noticing a spot next to you, but deciding to sit beside you instead. Still remaining close, but not getting in your space entirely, since he felt like you both weren't at that point just yet. There was an armrest between the both of you, and he felt as if that'd be enough for now. Even if he did want to move closer, he decides that this was the least he could do for having been ignoring your discomfort and clear nervousness thus far. 

While he still couldn’t fully bring himself to acknowledge or accept it — since he still doesn't want to think about it — he at least wants to try and do this small thing for you.

Though, the space between you and him would never be big enough for you to be comfortable. Since just knowing he was around, and that you were in his space, already made you feel a certain way, but he didn't have to know that. Not that you would tell him, anyway.

Dick took this little opportunity to take a slow, long sip of his coffee. The drink not quite to his liking, but he wouldn't complain since you seem to like that little diner, and the last thing he wants is for your opinion of him to get worse, so he kept his mouth shut. Besides, it wasn't even that bad anyway, especially knowing that it came from a place that you enjoy going to.

Silence was quick to fall over the both of you again. Yet, this time, Dick didn't exactly have a problem with it.

Even if you weren't looking at him, he could still see that little twinkle in your eyes that the faint bits of moonlight were able to show and make clear. How your hair matched you just right, and the way you did it and took care of it completed your look even more. Along with how even the little things on your person said so much, yet so little, about who you are now. About who you have become after all this time. 

A sense of endearment and sentimentality suddenly washes over Dick, and he can't help but feel as if it were just yesterday that you were introduced to the whole family. Though he still couldn't quite describe the look in your eyes then, as there was an unmistakable hint of excitement and unfounded joy that lingered when you first met them all. When you first met him. 

You were such a little thing back then, and you have grown so much since. Dick still can't help but think about it even as he finally pulls the cup away from his lips, and sighs, content.

You were so small, and little. Your face round and youthful, hands soft and delicate - just like everything about you at the time. The world and the people in it were still so new to you, and you looked just about ready to explore it all. To see every little thing you could, and learn about everything that you found. ‘Wonder’ was the first word he thought of when he saw you that day, and looked at your expression. It was full of that child wonderment. 

Yet… look at you now. Grown, and significantly taller than you were before. Face matured and settled, but still did have a youthful look to it. He notes how your hands did seem to be a bit rougher, and instead of delicacy, he found a gentleness that was always there — but is more prominent now. That look of wonder gone, and now replaced with something more. Something complicated and complex in nature, and yet simple all the same. There's a sense of turmoil but… he couldn't look much deeper than that. He can't bring himself to.

Point is, you have clearly changed. 

Sure, he noted how you looked different and everything before, but now that same conclusion felt different in a strange way. Though maybe that was because he wasn't only looking at you now, but seeing you as well.

Dick doesn't just see the change in your clothes, and how your voice has changed its tempo and volume, but some other things as well. Maybe that's because he's able to connect some things he's learned about you over the course of the entire day, back to you and how you showed yourself now. How those details presented themselves in your appearance and mannerisms.

It’s a lot to take in, sure, but in this moment of silence - Dick found himself slowly absorbing all of this information, taking it all in and finding ways to love you through it. Even if the changes made a particular fact all the more clear — despite the time he has missed, he did genuinely love the person you have become. He does now, at least. 

Despite everything he has done to you, or lack thereof, you have managed so much on your own. Despite him and the family not being around when they could've, when they should've, you managed to pave your own path and face all the challenges it brought by yourself - from what Dick could tell anyway. Even if he wasn't fully aware of all you have gone through in his absence, and he knew that as well – you’re still here. You're sitting beside him, looking at the scenery of the park, coffee cup in hand, and just… living in this moment with him.

Dick didn't know when such small things made him feel so happy or content, but in this moment, with you, it's like all he could feel was happy and put together, in a weird way. He doesn't know how to describe it, but now that he's here with you, in your space and presence, he feels… whole. Complete. Like all the missing pieces he didn't even notice were gone, all fell into place when you were around. With you here with him, he feels the happiest he's been in a long while, and he couldn't even begin to explain why.

He's only really known you for a day, but it already felt like he's spent a lifetime with you.

“Hey… Y/n?” He spoke up, breaking the silence between the both of you, looking back at the coffee cup in his hands. “I just want to say that… I'm happy you're here, and that you let me see you.” He begins, slowly looking back at you, an easy but pleasant smile on his face. It was easily the most natural one he's shown you tonight, and his clear unannounced happiness, no matter how light, made the pit in your stomach grow deeper and wider.

Why is he looking at you like that? And why did it hurt to see it now? Why did it relight the fire in your chest, and make it burn - the flames barely tickling your chest from the inside? Why did you feel like this? What did you do to cause him to wear such a smile?

Why now? What was going on?

“I know we haven't talked much, or really hung out, but this… this is nice for what it's worth, and I'm happy that I get the chance to spend this time with you despite everything.” The small bits of moonlight shined in his eyes, almost making Dick appear better than he was. More friendly, charming, and brighter than you saw him as. You couldn't stand the sight. Your dread growing much too big for you to keep looking at him.

So, you look away. Hoping that Dick would get whatever kind of message you were trying to send - and yet, even if he saw it, he didn't bother to decipher it. Words tumbling out of his mouth before he could think them over, too deep in his own feelings to see yours. Though he doesn't seem to mind as he said the words that began to fill his heart, and let them out into the open air. The wind whisking them away, and shoving them into your ears.

“You… mean a lot to me, and I know that, again, we haven’t really done much together, or really spent the most time together either, but- you matter to me. You’re important to me, and I’m sorry that was never made clear before.” He blurts out, heart aching and swelling at his own words, but Dick just couldn’t help himself. He feels like he needs to say something, to say this, and he doesn't want to have to wait any longer to say it. Even if you don’t like him or saw him a certain way, he wants to at least say this. To tell you his truth - his new truth. A truth that is becoming more clear to him as the seconds pass. Seconds he spent with you. “I know that I’ve messed up- a lot, and I know that it isn’t just me that made things turn out like this, but I at least want to let you know that I do care about you. I just…” Dick ran a hand through his hair, pausing for a moment as countless words he wanted to say float around in his head, but he just didn't know how to say them. Or even say them in a way that would get you to understand, or at least hear him out.

He looks away for a moment before looking back at you. Hand dropping and folding around his cup once again. “I’m sorry, for everything. For missing your concerts and performances, and just- everything. I should’ve been there, and even if I was busy, that isn’t an excuse. I should’ve made time for you, I could’ve, and yet it just always slipped my mind and… I should’ve never done that to you. You didn’t- you don’t deserve to go through that, you didn’t have to, and yet you did, and I’m just.. so sorry that now is the time that I’m realizing this. You… you deserve so much more than what we gave you, and I’m sorry if that made you feel any less than what you are- because you are amazing, and wonderful, and bright-!”

“You’re.. you’re a lot of things, and I really couldn’t list them all since I’m still slowly seeing it all for myself. Though even then, we’d be here for a while… wouldn’t we?” Dick chuckles lightly, a tinge of endearment in his tone, with a hint of a softness that was slowly becoming more and more apparent as he went on. His expression softened even more, and yet all you could feel was dread and anger that grew with each sentence that fell out of his mouth.

Was he messing with you? Was Dick trying to make himself feel better about everything, or just mess you up even more? Maybe both?

Why was he saying all of this now? Why tonight? Why now of all times? His words… they couldn’t be true. They can’t be. If they were, if they are – then why did he wait so long? How come he didn’t realize anything sooner? Why couldn’t he realize it sooner? Why now? Why right this minute, when you were almost ready to let go?

Why is he trying to give you hope over a future, a dream, a wish you never thought would come true? That they, indirectly or not, made you believe would never be made into a reality? No matter how much you did, and sacrificed for them behind the scenes? Was he trying to trick you? Did he really believe that you’d allow yourself to become blind again? That you could actually take the little words that he’s saying to you at face value, after all this time? After all of your wasted effort?

Did he really think that he could salvage what little remained of your nonexistent relationship with him, with just a few words and soft smiles? That you would just suddenly be willing to let him back into your life, after you spent the last year or so just trying to make it so that once you left, you’d never have to turn back? After everything he and the others put you through?

You understood that they were busy. That protecting Gotham and Bludhaven were more important to them than you’d ever be. That they care more about their work and their own lives than they never will about anything you’d try to say to them - you understood that well. It was almost impossible not too with how long you’ve had to deal with it, and come to terms with everything over the few months you’ve given yourself to truly soak everything in and reflect. The one time you gave yourself a breather to process all that's happened over the years you wasted on them, and think about how you are going to move forward in your life. How you’re going to deal with the family moving forward, or if you’d ever bother to deal with them at all. Though, you're still in that process, and had yet to really think about what you’d do moving forward.

Yet, Dick just had to show up while you were in that process. He just had to show his face after so long, and do this to you. Torment you with his words, and cause further conflict inside of you that you don’t need. Causing more heartache and pain that you didn’t want, and yet he just had to keep going, he had to keep talking. He couldn’t just walk away again like he had all of those other times when you were fighting to spend time with him, to just mean something to him. Dick just had to show up, and lie to your face about this. He just had to finally notice you, and hurt you more.

“I’m… I’m just really glad I got to see you is all I’m trying to say, I guess. And that I missed you too, in all honesty.”

So he keeps going, it seems. He just has to say that, like you’d believe him. Like you’d truly think that he cared about you more than the criminals in Gotham did. Like he wasn’t just lying to your face in an attempt to try and hurt you more. To crush what little part of your heart you still had given to them, and destroy it entirely. 

Honestly, now it was like he's trying to get you to hate him. To rid of the memories where you used to look up to him, and really tried to see him as your older brother until the reality of it all crushed you. Until reality forced your eyes open, and made you realize the little you had, and the little he cared.

Your own anger was beginning to blind you, and your hatred grew within you - though you hardly found a part of yourself that cared anymore. 

Even if Dick’s words are true to him, they aren't to you, and that’s all you cared about. Since, as far as you know, they were never true until he suddenly felt bad, and this whole thing started.

However, you still try to remain civil. Just taking in a breath, and sighing before looking back at Dick. Exhaustion becoming more evident, anger and hatred beginning to bloom – but you manage to tuck it away for now. No matter how frustrated Dick makes you, you could keep your composer. You could keep yourself together, and by God would you try no matter how much you want to just get up and leave. No matter how much you want to think that he wasn’t worth the time or energy. At least, not anymore.

“Dick, just tell me why you’re here.” You say, getting straight to the point and seemingly completely ignoring what he said before. Not taking his words to heart, no matter how much they sting and add fuel to the flame growing in your chest. 

Dick looks at you confused, a little taken aback by your response, but just pushes it to the side. Only raising a brow, managing to keep up his smile, “What do you mean? I told you already, silly.” He chuckles a bit, his words already pinching at your skin.

“I’m here to see you.”

‘Bullshit.’ You immediately thought, but don’t say out loud. Not yet, anyway.

“It’s obvious that something’s going on, I mean- do you hear the sounds echoing throughout Gotham? Or, hell, how quiet it is besides said noises?” You ask, tone shifting with every word that spilled out of your mouth, undertone unclear, but Dick didn’t like it. “You don’t have to explain what’s going on, but please, just tell me how or if I can help so that we can both go on with our nights? I know you don’t have time for this. Both of us don’t.” 

Dick can only furrow his brows in response, his confusion growing the more you spoke, but also worried about the tone you’re using with him. A tone that was growing increasingly harsh.

“What are you talking about? I never said I needed your help with anything, and didn’t I already mention that the others are handling the situation?” Dick said, genuinely confused, and yet that only seems to make the flame in your chest burn brighter.

“Then what are you doing here? Why are we even talking right now if you don’t need anything from me?” You ask, voice rising in volume a bit before you bring it back down. The little stings Dick’s words left on your skin turning into a grip around your heart. 

“I’ve already told you, Y/n…. I just wanted to see you.” Dick said again, growing a little more worried now.

“Yes, but why? What made you want to see me so badly that you even went out of your way to find out where I live?” You couldn’t help but ask, frustration growing but so did your desperation. Over what, you don’t know, but all you knew was that you want this to be over. You want to go home. You want to be away from Dick. From them.

Even if your home probably wouldn’t feel as safe anymore now that they knew where it is, and you knew that too, but couldn't find it in yourself to care. Anywhere that wasn't in the immediate vicinity of Dick felt better than being here, with him at arm's length.

“I need a reason to see my younger sibling now? I can’t just come visit them?” Dick asks, still worried and confused, yes, but an odd tone of sarcasm seemed to develop under his tongue.

“After months of no contact? After all that’s happened?” You say as a meaningless, humorless laugh escapes you before your voice drops and cements itself, “Yes. Yes you do, because you’ve never visited me before. You’ve never gone out of your way like this, not even to see me in my own room. So why now? Why tonight? Why come see me?”

Your words stung Dick, and you can tell with how he flinches a bit at your words, if only for a brief moment. He even cringes a little, as if they have physically hurt him, but you didn’t react much. You want to know why, because it made no sense to you, and by God did you deserve an answer.

There is no reason why he should’ve come to see you, none. You aren’t related to him, and even if you are by law, he’s never treated you like family in the past - just someone else who lives in the manor, but over time you began to believe that he started to forget that too, with how he’d grow increasingly surprised by seeing you in person when he'd occasionally visit.

You meant nothing to him, last you checked. So what was so important that he and the others needed to find out where you live, and seek you out like this? What was going on?

From how you look at Dick, he can tell you wanted to know. That you want a ‘real’ answer, one that you’d accept, anyway. Along with the fact that you aren’t going to take your words back, finding them to be nothing less than true, and even if they are, they don’t hurt any less. Especially considering how far he’s come today. How much he’s seen, and how his view is beginning to change. How you were growing on him without even knowing it, making him realize that some of it isn’t even you to begin with. Though there wasn’t much he could do about that, not right now. Not with you getting worked up like this, and not with how he's beginning to hurt too.

The truth hurt, it almost always did. Never sparing anyone, and almost acting as a sword rather than weight. A dagger than another page, but paper cuts did exist for a reason – he supposes.

“I.. I know that it might seem hard to believe, considering everything, but that really is all there is to it.” Dick says, trying to explain as he clutches onto the coffee cup in his hands, “I just want to see you because I was worried, and I… I just wanted to make sure you were okay. That’s all.”

“Then what about the others? Why find out where I live? What’s with all the noise?” Your desperation was becoming a little clearer as you spoke quickly, the questions falling out of your mouth as your heart began to squeeze tightly. The smoke that the fire in your chest was creating, started to reach and fill your lungs little by little with each passing second.

“The others are busy taking care of the city, and how else am I supposed to see you? You weren’t answering any of my or Tim’s calls or texts. We…” Dick drags on a little before just sighing, looking dejected, “I was worried about you- I am worried about you. I thought something happened, and I had to know if something did. Is that so wrong? Can I not check on my younger siblings anymore?”

“That's not what I meant, and you know that.” You point out straight away, but did falter the slightest bit when he mentions how you were ignoring them trying to contact you earlier. However, you didn't back down. “And both of you just started contacting me today. I didn't have any time to answer either of you before you showed up at my door.”

“Really? You had absolutely no time at all to pick up the phone? Not even send a quick message, or even read our texts?”

“I was busy? And was doing something else, so I couldn't get to the phone right away.”

“For several hours? Y/n, you've got to be kidding me.” Dick chuckles out, obviously not believing you, which ticks you off even more.

“What, so I can't do other things? I have to be at your every beck and call, now?” You scoff, rolling your eyes. “None of you have ever contacted me first, so I'm sorry that I didn't have any time to respond to whatever you both had to say. I have my own life to deal with, you do know that, right?”

“That's not what I-” Dick cuts himself off, just letting out a sigh before speaking again after thinking over how to reword what he wants to say, “Look, just- what was so important that made it so you couldn't answer the phone?” He asks instead, searching your expression for something, and furrowing his brows when he couldn't find it.

“... That's none of your business.” You answer instead, narrowing your eyes at him a little. Whatever you did in your life, he didn't have to know. He doesn't have the right to know, not anymore. You may have been willing to offer him this one chance to ask something from you to help with whatever is going on, but that was all, and where your generosity ended. It wasn't a chance to reconnect, or to rebuild what never was, and still isn't. 

If there's anything that this whole situation has told you, it's that you shouldn't have tried in the first place - and that maybe, just maybe, you should've left sooner. That was clear to you now. 

“...” It's like Dick could tell things were getting worse this way. He didn't know what was causing it or how, but he could feel it. Especially with how you were growing increasingly upset, and how he was as well. 

So, he tried to settle down a little and just took a breath. At this rate, he could only dread how things would get, and so he at least tried to change the direction of things a bit. Yet, he still couldn't help himself either. Maybe he didn't deserve to know, but he did want to ask. 

“Look, just-” he tries to find the words to say, to not make this whole thing worse than it already is, and settles on a simpler question. One he figures you can handle, one he hopes does what he wants it to do. “Can you at least tell me why you keep ignoring me when I say that I'm here to see you? Or at least why you just… brush it off?” Dick manages to say, eyes never once leaving you, but for a different reason this time.

He just wants you to open up, but how could you do that when he kept you out for so long? When he locked that door so long ago, and forgot where he left the key? Leaving him to never know of the chair you left right under the handle.

“... What do you-”

“You know what I'm talking about, Y/n, just… please.” Dick almost pleads, which makes you uncomfortable. Causing you to press your lips into a thin line once again, “I don't want this to…” he doesn't want to say it outloud. He couldn't bring himself to. Especially when he doesn't want it to be true. To be made into reality.

“I just want to know, Y/n. So please, just tell me? Because I don't understand why you keep avoiding it, or just don't acknowledge it at all.” Dick says instead, which causes you to grow quiet in the process. 

“...”

You couldn't think of anything to say, just being able to look at him before glancing away and taking in a breath of your own. You couldn't bring yourself to answer the question because - what were you supposed to say? What are you supposed to say? The truth? Or make up a lie? Though even if you picked one or the other, would it be for yourself? Or for Dick?

You didn't know, and a special kind of uncertainty came with that, jabbing your gut and making the flame within you crackle harshly. You hate this. You hate this more than what their inaction did to you, and almost as much as the realization that it's because of them that you're in this position to begin with.

“Why do you think?” You begin, emotions and thoughts swarming in your head and squeezing your heart. You want to not care, to brush it all off as you have before, but only find yourself hurting despite everything. Why does your chest hurt so much? Why did it feel like something was pressing against it, threatening to pierce it? “Why do you think that I'm ‘ignoring’ it or just… dismiss it?”

Dick hates how you look away, and the swirl of emotion he saw in your eyes when you looked at him before. Which only made his own emotions grow like a heavy weight, threatening to fall on him. To crush him, and only leave the tiniest parts of himself behind. Parts that still hung onto that false hope he made himself.

He knew, or at least had an idea, but he ignored it. Dick wants to hear it from you, even if he doesn't know what he's hoping for with that. He knows of his faults, and yet not the entirety of them - at least, that was the impression he was getting from all of this.

He isn't blind, but there are only so many things he could let himself see before the ugliness of it all rears its head at him, and snarls. Before the quiet part that he refuses to glance at, becomes loud.

“I… I don't know,” Dick manages to say after a moment, still looking at you as he searches for something, anything that will point things in a different direction. Something that will give the little hope he has anything to cling on to.

Something he doesn't find.

He takes in another breath, “Can you please just… tell me? I do want to know, I really do- so just, please. Tell me why you keep ignoring what I'm saying?”

“I'm not-” You cut yourself off, speaking before you could come up with a response, the words tumbling out of your mouth quickly before you caught yourself and take in a slow, uneven breath. “I'm not ignoring what you're saying. I'm not, but- just…” You drag on before finally letting out a sigh. Some of the tension freeing itself from your body, but not enough for it to let you truly calm down or relax. 

“What do you expect me to do? To say?” You finally manage to voice it outloud, to ask as you look back at Dick briefly. With the moon trying its hardest to peek through the clouds as they begin to fill and crowd the sky. “You haven't checked up on me in all the years I was in the manor, and, hell, I doubt you even know where my room is-”

“I know where it is.”

“- and even if you do, that doesn't change what happened. Or, really, what didn't.” You narrow your eyes at Dick's sudden words, but don't comment on them as you continue, voice wavering slightly, “You've… never checked up on me before, or even asked me if I was okay- we barely even greeted each other, and I didn't see you around all that often. I didn't get to. So I'm sorry if it's hard for me to believe that you just suddenly care, or want to check up on me after all this time.” You say, still biting your tongue and holding yourself back from sharing more than you should. From giving more than you already have.

“...” Dick's lips press into a thin line before he goes to speak again, “I understand that, but… why can't that change now? Why can't I care about you now?” 

“It isn't about what you can and can't do, Dick. Nor what can be changed now or not, it's…” A quick, small groan escapes you as you try to gather the words you want to say, and finally let them out when you do, “it's what I'm used to, Dick. That's just how it is.”

Finally, dread made its way into Dick’s heart as well, “So… that's it? You're just ‘used to it’? And I can't change that?”

“I don’t know, can you?” You asked sarcastically in a dead tone, already tired of all of this, and yet the fire in your chest continues to burn ever so brightly. “You haven’t really done a good job of that thus far, if that's what you’re trying to do. I’ll say that much.” Your words hurt, you could tell right away. The way he looked at you said everything, but you didn’t try to look deeper than what presented itself on the surface. 

“This isn’t some kind of…. ‘reconnecting session’, stuff like that doesn’t really matter. I thought something serious- something important was going on, or had happened, that’s why I bothered with… all of this.” You point out and explain, only watching as the expression on Dick’s face morphed into something else. Something you couldn’t decipher, but didn’t like looking at. A face that made your stomach twist, with dread pouring out of every crevasse it could manage.

“And why would you think that? I don’t remember saying anything that would hint at that, and even then I would’ve said it outright.”

“You suddenly appeared at my door in the suit, and at some point was banging on it. How could I not think something was going on? Or that you didn’t need something from me? That something serious wasn’t happening? Especially when I don’t remember telling any of you where I live-”

“Okay, okay. I… I get it,” He didn’t, at least maybe not to the extent one would hope he would, but he didn’t want to argue. Not here, and not with you. Especially not when he was really beginning to see you. “But still… I want to change that. I want to make it up to you and fix things. Is that so bad?”

“...” You had no response to that, but even if you did, what could you say? You had imagined countless instances like this, but those situations weren’t real — this one was. In those scenarios, you always had something to say, rather it be good or bad, and you always knew what to do. Yet here, now that it was actually happening, you had nothing. You didn’t know what to do or say, and even if you did have some things you wanted to just let spill out, you kept them in. You didn’t want things to get worse either, but the more Dick talked, the harder that became.

Why couldn’t he just be the person from your thoughts and dreams? The person you always saw him as until now?

“I just…” Dick tries to gather his thoughts, not exactly liking your silence but trying to push on anyway. He finally had a chance, and he’d be damned to not take it. “I want to make things right, and yeah, maybe it's late- really, um, late, but I still want to try.” He manages to say, taking a small, quick breath before he continues, an easy smile trying to settle on his face.

“You deserve better, and I want to be better for you. Things may not be the same, and sure, it might be a bit awkward-” He chuckles slightly in between his words, “-but I think that we can… work it out if you just give it a try. Give me a chance-”

“But I did.” You manage to say, cutting Dick off. He has to fight for his smile to not falter immediately, unaware of how your heart pounded harshly in your chest, the fire it held growing and clawing at the bars of its cage that was your ribs and flesh. Scorching your lungs, and the smoke causing your throat to close, making it harder to breathe.

“... What?” Dick said, partially confused but still trying to at least seem optimistic. A weight of its own beginning to press down on him.

“... What do you think I did all of this time?” You ask, looking away for a moment, glancing up at the covered moon before looking back at Dick, “What do you think I did all of those years I spent at the manor? Before I decided to move out, and be on my own?” 

“...” Dick didn’t have an answer, not one he said right away, anyway. Not one that wouldn’t make him look bad, but he didn’t know what was worse. Staying quiet when he knew a part of it, or saying the part he knew and risk being wrong, revealing how he still didn’t know the full picture despite everything. Despite getting a glance into a life he knew he wasn’t involved in, and feeling more guilty all the while.

However, you decide that his small bit of silence was enough of an answer, and just as Dick opened his mouth to say something, you spoke again. “Most of my time in the manor I’ve spent trying to give you chances- to give the others a chance. Trying to give opportunities to just do something, try anything, and… well,” You look away fully this time, caressing the coffee cup in your hand, it’s dying warm doing little to help you, causing you to draw your attention to the shaded greenery of the park instead.

“We both know how that turned out.”

If your words didn’t hurt him before, they definitely did now. Even as Dick fought to keep that smile of his up, it was pointless. You were right, and he knew that. Even if he didn’t know the true extent of your words, he was at least aware of the times where you’d try to get them to see you perform, to hear your songs and listen to your music that had gotten you this far. He knew that much, and yet he still couldn’t help but try. He wants to mean more to you, to do what he hasn’t done up until this point, to truly be your older brother, to be your family - despite how long he’s been unable to do that.

“I… I know, and I’m sorry.” Dick could only say that much, even if it did little in the long run, and a part of himself could tell that his words only made whatever you were feeling worse as you inched away from him, the sight of the small action breaking his heart even more.

“Maybe that doesn’t mean much, but it’s true. I’m just… sorry that things turned out this way. That we- that I never noticed how hard you were trying until now, and even if it is late, I want to be honest and say that I’m sorry.” He adds, finally managing to look away as well as he looked down at the cup in his hands, thoughts swarming and eating away at his heart. Even if they were going too fast for him to process them all, they hurt him all the same and caused his worry to grow. “I’m sorry for everything, for never noticing what was going on or the extent of it, or appreciating the effort you tried to put in for our attention, for just not… being around. You deserve better- and I want to give that. I want to give you want you deserve and finally be-”

“Stop.” You said under your breath, voice wavering as you take in a shaky breath. Yet, even as it falls upon deaf ears, and Dick couldn’t make out exactly what you said, he still pauses for a moment before speaking again.

“... I just want to fix things, Y/n.” Dick says instead, but it doesn’t make you feel any better, nothing does. 

“You mean a lot to me.” You just want him to stop. 

“And maybe that’s… weird to hear with everything that’s happened. But it is true, and I’m sorry I never made that clear before.” You want him to stop lying to you, to stop trying to make you feel better. You’ve been doing fine on your own without him, without them, and so the only thing you wanted now was for Dick to stop and leave. To act like he had before, and go back to ignoring you.

“So… let’s change that, okay? I… I want to spend more time with you.” You want him to shut up. You want it so bad that it hurts to hear him talk as he goes on and on. His voice ringing in your ears to a point you’re convinced that they’ll bleed if this continues on for any longer. If he continues to talk for any longer. 

“I’m being honest, I really want to try and be your-”

“Stop… please, just- just stop.” You manage to say, voice small and wavering as you try to take in another breath. You want to be unbothered, unhurt, painless, and numb, but you can’t and you don’t know why. You thought you had gotten used to this, and you had, but to hear that - to hear the words you’ve wanted to hear for so many years - that hurt more than anything else. The pain was indescribable, and its result only made that fire grow, the flames scratching at your chest even harder, and your heart bleeding as a result.

Suddenly, all the progress you’ve made over all the months you’ve been away feel useless now. Reduced to nothing in Dick’s presence as his words stripped down your walls in the most violent, volatile ways possible.

Once upon a time, you fought to have a single conversation with him that lasted more than just a few short exchanges, and now you’d do anything to have that back. For him to go back to the Dick you grew up with, the one you fought to even have to look at you for more than a few seconds.

“You can’t do this to me.” You said without thinking, voice weak and shaky as you scramble to keep yourself together, to hold back tears that you refuse to spill – refusing to shed any more over them. Refusing to let all of your progress go to waste just like that.

You were happy, you have been happy these past few months, and you refuse for that to be taken away from you.

“What? Y/n, what do you mean-” Dick tries to speak, but you don’t give him the luxury, not after this. Not after what he’s been doing to you.

“You can’t do this to me,” You repeat, trying to breathe and fight past the smoke building in your lungs, nearly gasping for air as your teeth begin to grind, “you can’t- you just can’t. So stop… please just..” You try to take in another breath, no matter how small it is or strangled it feels.

“Just. Stop.”

“...” It’s like no matter what Dick tries to do, things end up becoming worse, and he hates that he doesn’t know why. He can't understand why. 

Clearly he’s hurting you, he could see that no matter how much he doesn’t want to, but he doesn’t know what he’s saying that’s hurting you. He doesn’t know what he’s doing that’s causing you to become so upset. 

After all, don’t you want this? Don’t you want him to try? For your efforts to be reciprocated? Don’t you want to be family too? For him to try and be what he’s supposed to have been all of this time? Don’t you want him to try and be your big brother? 

You couldn’t have given up yet, right? There was no way you could have. You couldn’t have given up after all you have done, after all the awards and such he saw that you’ve earned over the years – awards that were still in your room. You couldn’t have given up. That's impossible, there’s no way. No one would throw all of that away, right? No one would do all that you have, only to just put it all behind them - not anyone that Dick could think of at the moment.

… He hated how he thought of it anyway. How the thought creeped into his mind, and remained there. Letting his dread and worry grow as reality began to sneak its way into his brain. 

Dick doesn’t want to think about it – let along consider the idea, but this isn’t about him. This isn’t about what he thinks or feels.

This is about you, and despite his words, he hates that he had forgotten that already.

“Y/n,” He calls out to you softly, really trying this time, and you hate that detail with all of your heart, “can you just please tell me what’s wrong?” Dick’s words make you physically pause, even causing your rushing thoughts to come to a halt. They repeat in your head once more, and you can only think one thing.

Is he seriously asking you that?

“I know that you’re upset, but I want to work through this with you. So, just tell me so I can help, okay-?”

“Stop- God, just please stop, Dick.” You manage to say, already getting slightly choked up before you manage to shakily exhale, trying your hardest to keep it together as your heart squeezes and your chest tightens. You can’t bring yourself to look at Dick, but your teeth grind as you scramble to keep the flames eating up your body from the inside, trapped and hidden away.

“You can’t do this to me,” You say more desperately than you wanted to, a few tears developing that you fight back violently to keep them from spilling, your own teeth getting crushed and feel as if they were beginning to chip and break with how hard they’re grinding against each other. “You can’t- you can’t-” You struggle to get the words out, nearly gasping for air as that sickening, thick smoke threatens to escape your lungs.

“You can’t do this to me, you can’t give me hope.” You finally say, voice straining as your breath trembles. When you finally do look at Dick, neither of your expressions are good ones. Both filled with mixes of emotions, but his was more deep and almost controlled, while yours was frantic and ever changing.

“... What?”

“After all of this time, after everything- everything I’ve been put through. Everything I’ve been trying to move on from-” You struggle to breathe momentarily, but manage to get yet another gasp of air before continuing, “you can’t just try and give me hope like that. You can’t. You just- can’t.”

Now it’s Dick’s turn to pause as he processes what you said, each word making the weight in his chest sink deeper and deeper until it reaches his stomach. The very thing he seems to dread is becoming more real with every minute that passes and he hates that more than anything. He wants to ignore it, to push past it, but how can he do that when it’s right in front of him? How can he do that when something worse could be laying underneath everything?

He doesn’t want to think about it, and so he doesn’t and tries to tuck it away as he goes on to say, “But… why? Why can’t I give that to you? Why can’t I try to help you?”

“Dick, please, for the love of god just-” You want to say it, you really do, but manage to hold yourself back with the little self control you have, and simply just take in the biggest breath you can manage, and sigh just as deeply. “Nevermind, and just- you know what? We’re… we’re done here.” You say instead. Placing your coffee cup on the bench, not even caring that you barely finished the drink, and move to stand up.

“What? Wait- what?” Dick asks, sitting up and tensing when you stand, but not making a move just yet, even if it was clear that he’d do something. What, you don’t know, but you didn’t notice anyway as you were too focused on yourself and getting out of this situation.

“We’re done here, what else do I have to say?” You don’t look back at Dick, instead continue to try and steady your breath. Trying to calm yourself down, and finally do something to quell the burning flames inside your chest, “This isn’t going anywhere, and we aren’t discussing anything important, so… let’s call it here. I’m leaving.” You say outright, being blunt this time as you make a move to step away-

Only to be stopped when Dick suddenly grabs your wrist, his grasp a touch too tight.

“Hold on- who said you get to decide that?” Dick asks, having sprung up to grab you as swiftly and quickly as he did, a flash of panic showing on his face before he pushed it aside and swallowed his nerves. He tries to manage another smile, even if it doesn’t reach his eyes yet again, “Let’s just talk about this, okay? There’s no need to overreact.”

“Overreact…?” You glance back at him, physically feeling as all of your previous progress to calm yourself was quickly diminishing, the fire only roaring to life at Dick’s words, and it’s like he could feel it too with how his smile faltered the smallest bit before he tried to pick it up again.

“Okay- maybe not overreact, but we can still talk about this… can’t we?” He says instead, as if realizing his mistake once you point it out. Scrambling for something, anything.

You don’t say anything right away, your chest only hurting even more, “And talk about what, exactly?” You ask, just barely being able to hear the clouds overhead groan in displeasure, “What is there to talk about? We have nothing to discuss, and so we should just end things here.”

An airy laugh escapes Dick, almost as he can’t believe what you’re saying, and yet he continues to stare at you. All he does is raise a brow, his heart pounding as that weight in his stomach drops further, “About… everything?” He says, as if a little unsure of how to word it, but keeps going anyway, “About the family, about us, about you- everything! What isn’t there to talk about?” He counters, furrowing his brows a little.

He knows you want to leave, but he can’t bring himself to let you go. Not when he doesn’t know when he’ll have this chance again. Not when he’s so close – but to what, he doesn’t know anymore. All he knows is that it deals with you, and that’s enough for him.

“... But there isn’t anything important to talk about.” You point out as if it was obvious, raising a brow of your own as you look back at Dick, ignoring how the longer Dick held onto your wrist, the heavier your dread became. Nearly making it impossible to breathe despite how you were trying to act now,  “Again, I even bothered to do any of this because I thought something was going on or that you needed something from me, and I turned out to be wrong, so there’s no other reason for me to be here.” You try to be logical, or seem that way, anyway. You try to give whatever bullshit reason you can, saying anything that you hope would just get Dick away from you and just let you go.

“...” Dick hated your words with a burning passion he didn’t even know he was capable of feeling, and the breathy laugh of disbelief that escaped him only furthered his own change of heart, “So I’m not important to you? Our family isn’t important to you? Because of everything that’s happened? So our effort to change everything isn’t important to you? It matters that little to you now that you’ve lived on your own for… what, a few months?”

“What are you talking about? You’re asking me that as if you know me, and- news flash, you don’t. So get a hold of yourself- and let me go already!” You yank your wrist away from Dick’s grasp, pulling it back towards you harshly.

The moment your wrist leaves his grasp, his hand twitches, but he manages to hold himself back and just let his hand fold into a fist as it falls back to his side. His eyes pinned on you once again, never leaving you, “Why can’t I get to know you now? Why can’t that change, Y/n?” He asks, his own tone changing without him noticing, making it sharper than he meant it to be, “Why can’t you just let me in?”

The visceral hatred those words spawn in you is hotter than words can describe, and felt as if it was burning right through your chest, melting your muscles and organs down to nothing. You not only struggled to breathe, but it hurt to even take in the smallest breath. “‘Why’…? You’re asking me, ‘why’?” A small, airy, pathetic laugh escapes you, a look of disbelief clear on your face.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s because of the years that have passed? That every attempt I’ve made to do what you’re asking me right now- was ignored until I didn’t try anymore? Until I go off and try to actually live my life, that you ask for me to let you in? For things to change?” You almost spat out, barely managing to take in a steady breath, “I don’t know, Dick. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Dick could barely pull himself together. Everything was falling apart, and even if he could see that, he could barely get a grasp on his own emotions that he was failing to calm down. He wants you to understand, and he wants to understand you too, but god was everything making it so hard. He just couldn’t understand why you were being so stubborn about this, and why you wouldn’t just hear him out. 

So, in the midst of his own frustration, he tsked and spoke without thinking.

“I haven’t done anything to you! Why are you acting like this?” The moment those words left Dick, his eyes widened and he scrambled to recover, “Wait, I didn’t mean-”

“Isn’t that the point?” You cut Dick off, the smoke finally escaping your lungs as you furrowed your brows, chest tightening as more unwanted tears began to build, “That you did nothing? That you- and everyone else didn’t do a goddamn thing?”

“You try to act like I owe you something. Like I owe you this. Like I owe you my time, but you know what? You really don’t, because back then? I clearly didn’t deserve yours. I wasn’t worth your time, and now, years later, you think that I owe you mine? That you can just say whatever the hell you want to my face, because I dared to try and be respectful and civil and do all of this shit for you?” There was no holding back anymore, not when Dick dared to say something like that to your face when you’ve been trying so hard to act calm and civil around him. To give him a chance to say his piece and leave.

The one time you tried to do something for them, for him, after months of being away from all of them, and he dared to say something like that to you?

“Then think again. Because unlike before, I have some god damn self respect and won’t stand for your bullshit anymore.” You spat out as the sky above growled even louder, “You don’t get to say that to me, Grayson.”

Yet, despite your words, a single measly tear manages to slip past your defenses and slowly, painstakingly roll down your cheek. The clouds above seem to have taken that as some sort of sign, as a few small drops of water fell from the sky and hit the pavement under your feet.

Dick pauses after that, if only for a moment as he looks over your expression before sighing. “Okay- fine, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that… but,” he took a short breath before saying, “that still doesn’t answer my question, Y/n.”

“...” All you could do was stare at him. Another pathetic, airy laugh escaping you all the while. He really was unbelievable.

“Which one? The one where you asked why things can’t change? Why I won’t ‘let you in’? Or why I’m ‘acting like this’?” Dick clenches his hands into fists, squeezing them before he lets go.

“Why can’t things change, why can’t the relationship between us change?” You hate the tone he used and how the look he gave you expressed and showed more than words could describe. A certain desperation in his eyes that you wish didn’t exist, that you didn’t notice.

“You never showed me that it could change. That it would always stay the same as it has for the past few years-”

“But why does back then matter? Why can’t we focus on now? On this?” He gestured between the two of you, “Can’t we just- I don’t know… move on from that?” You didn’t know if you wanted to laugh, or actually allow yourself to cry, especially when a few more raindrops fell from the sky. He couldn’t be serious, could he? Did Dick actually just say that, and to you of all people?

“Move on?” You say, a few more tears spilling despite your efforts to stop them, their touch burning your skin and sinking into it like acid, “You want me to move on from that? Move on from the years of my life that you weren’t a part of? To just forget all that’s happened?”

“You don’t have to forget… maybe just, push it aside so that we can work on this! On us…” Dick says, dragging on a little before he takes in another quick breath, “Is that so bad? Don’t you want to be family-?”

“You don’t get to say that to me.” You immediately cut him off the moment Dick even tries to mention family again, “You don’t get to say what I want or what I have to do- after everything I’ve done for you! For the others-! You don’t get to say that to me anymore!”

“Y/n, please, just calm down-”

“No! You don’t get to do this to me! To say all of this shit to my face-” You struggle to speak, your words catching in your throat and nearly choking you, but you manage to continue. To continue to say your part, and finally say the words your heart has been longing to say, to give yourself this much, to finally feel this out, “Do you even know how much I’ve done for you- all of you? How much time I spent doing all of these things I thought you guys liked just so that I had a chance to hold a conversation with any of you? To just mean something? To actually be part of the family, only for no one to show up-?”

“No one asked you to do those things! No one asked you to do anything!” Dick snaps, but immediately tries to reel it back, “I understand that things didn’t work out before, but I’m here now, aren’t I?”

Your brows furrow even more, and your teeth grind so hard that it feels like they’re chipping away, “No one had to ask! Hell- none of you ended up caring anyway! It was a waste!” You shout, voice raising the more you talked, tears mixing with the drizzling rain, “It was for you- I did everything I could think of to just talk to you, and now you want me to do more for you? After everything I’ve already done? After all the effort that was put to waste because of you?” At this rate, you knew you weren’t talking to just Dick anymore. Instead, he acted as an extension, in your mind. An extension to something bigger, something greater than himself. Something more than he was.

Dick falters, but just sighs again, “No one told you to do all of that,Y/n]. You didn’t have to do anything but just try to-”

“Try to what, Grayson? Try to what?” You cut him off, eyes swirling with untold emotion as your gaze pierces into him, “Go on, tell me what else I had to do. What I should’ve done.”

“...” Dick looks at you for a moment before speaking again with a small huff, “You could’ve tried a different approach, or maybe, talked to us?”

“...” You don’t know what you want to do more; try to strangle Dick, cry harder, or leave again after trying to kill him. “You did not just say that.” You manage to laugh out, but it’s broken and far from genuine. The humor in it long gone, and all that was left was a sickening, uncomfortable emptiness where it once remained. 

“Well, I’m just saying-”

“You did not just say that shit to me when you’ve been the one shooting down every conversation I’ve tried to have with you. You- the person who’s supposed to be the ‘family man’, and we’ve barely even talked. And let me tell you now, I’m not the one who hasn’t been trying to talk or avoiding it.” A pained smile crept up your face as you laughed breathlessly in between your words once more. Not even caring anymore as you let the fire burst from your chest, and have its ashes and smoke spill out of you.

Dick narrows his eyes and furrows his brows a bit, “‘Avoiding it’? What the hell are you talking about? I haven’t been avoiding you-”

“Then please explain where the hell you’ve been all of my life until now? Why you could never follow through with what you’d always tell me? Why you come to me now, when I gave you years to do or say anything?”

“I… I was busy, okay? You know that,” He tried to lighten his tone with a chuckle but it did little to help, and only showed his own strain, “I don’t always have time to come to Gotham-”

“But you make the time to do it anyway. You make time to visit, especially when it comes to Damian.” When Dick falls silent again for a moment, you take in a shaky breath and sniffle slightly, feeling awful in every sense of the word, “I guess I just wasn’t worth it, right? I wasn’t worthy of your oh so precious time, but everyone else was. Something else was.” Your expression darkens slightly as your strained smile drops completely.

“There’s always something else, right? Something else to do, someone else to see. You could make time, alright, but just couldn’t for me.”

“That’s not what I’m saying, Y/n.”

“Then please, enlighten me, what are you saying, Grayson?” Dick hates every time you say that, every time you refer to him by his last name. It feels like there's a deeper meaning to it that he refuses to see, and just hearing you call him that instead of anything else only forces him to remember that. To remind him of his own faults, both past and present.

Maybe he'd wonder how he keeps messing things up or why he keeps saying everything besides what he actually wants to say, but he's too deep in his own feelings to even think about that. Even if the answer laid within the action itself.

“Saving the city- having to look after Bludhaven and Gotham sometimes, and even the world on occasion- doesn't really give anyone a lot of time to do certain things. You know I'm not over all the time, and that I'm not always… y'know.”

“Dick Grayson?”

“Yeah! And just…” he took a breath before sighing once again, “All I'm saying is that a different approach could've been taken.” You hate how every word he said only seemed to validate concerns you had in the past. Thoughts that still liked to linger every now and then when you caught yourself still thinking about what could've been, and if certain things happened, would that really change anything?

It's funny that only now were you truly beginning to think otherwise.

“So… what?” You say in a dry voice, “Are you saying that I should’ve been just like you? Just like the others- and give up my dream, what I wanted to do- give up my passion, because at least then I would be able to talk to you? Because I would have a higher chance of even seeing you?”

“That's not what I mean, Y/n, and you know that-”

“No. No I don't. I don't know that, and honestly? I have no idea what the hell you’re even trying to tell me right now besides that I should’ve tried harder. That I didn't do enough, because clearly- spending all of my time trying to do things for you, to accommodate for the whole fucking family that couldn't even stand for me to be in their presence for even a few seconds-” You took a shaky breath, more tears spilling out and escaping you, more falling than you would've liked, “that's not enough. Wasting my life away and trying to do everything I could to the point where it put my health at risk- that wasn't enough. I should’ve just dropped everything and followed everyone else instead of trying to find an alternative, because there was no alternative, right? Is that what you're trying to say?”

For once, Dick was speechless and had nothing to say, and his silence only made you hurt more. It's like you were waiting for what felt like the inevitable.

“What else am I supposed to do, huh? What else haven't I done? Is nothing else good enough for you? Is that really the only way I could've been with you? To see you, to actually talk with you and all the others? To be part of the family? Is that what it would've taken?” You're nearly gasping for air at this rate, with every word you say only carving deeper into your heart, and getting harder to say as you struggle to voice them aloud. Nearly choking on both your words and tears, and yet you push on.

“Did I really have to give up on my passion- my dreams to have a better chance to be something to you?”

“Y/n, that's not what I mean. Doing it wouldn't have gotten in the way-”

“You know that's bullshit! You act like the line of work you do doesn't take over your life! Like you don't think about it everyday- like you aren't constantly in danger!” At this point you're shouting and you barely even realize it, tears flowing freely now as they burn into your cheeks and crash down on the pavement below, “Is it so bad that I don't want that? That I don't want to put my life at risk? That I don't want to live your life?!”

“Maybe you enjoy that. Maybe you like that chaos and constantly putting your life on the line- but some people don't! Maybe you're made for that kind of life, but I'm not! I want to live my own life without having to be even more worried about my own well-being and safety!”

“Y/n, please- calm down! I don't want to fight, I-” Dick took a quick breath, his own heart squeezing as he tries to remain stable, to remain calm. Even if it felt like he was watching his whole world crumble before him, each tear you shed stabbing into him, and every word that spilled out just twisted the knives as they dug deeper into his chest and body. “I understand what you mean, but you have to realize-”

“Realize what? That everything I did was for nothing?” Thinking it was one thing, but saying it out loud was another. The words weighed heavy on your tongue, and the more you tried to say them the more choked up you became. “That all of my effort was in vain, and I should’ve given up while I was ahead? Because that's the impression I'm getting right now-”

“That's not what I meant, Y/n. I… I didn't mean it like that.”

“But how else could you have possibly meant it? How else am I supposed to interpret that?” You laughed again, but it was just as sad and pathetic as the last, “You can't expect me to just know these things, Grayson, especially considering everything and just-” You felt like you were going to tear your hair out, like you were going to collapse and truly break. Yet you managed to stand, and speak again no matter how weak your voice is.

“You were never there for me, none of you were.” Your hands are shaking and your face burns, voice cracking in every way possible, and you hate this feeling. Yet above all else, you hate how he made you feel like this, “I could show up at the manor, bloodied and bruised, and no one- no one would notice or bat an eye. I could be wearing a cast and have crutches, and yet not a single person besides Alfred would see it or comment on it. I could be at the hospital and no one would show up, not one of you-”

“Wait… what-?” Dick tried to speak, but you wouldn’t let him, you couldn’t.

“You were never there when I needed you. You never checked up on me, you barely even noticed me-” again, you suck in another breath, barely able to take it in, “do you know what I’ve had to deal with on my own? How much it cost me? How much it hurt me-?”

“Wait, wait- hold on! You’ve been hurt?” Dick managed to cut you off, “I… I never heard about this.”

“Of course you haven't!” You couldn't help but laugh, more tears spilling and leaving scars on your face with how badly they burned into your skin, “You hardly even noticed, how can you expect to hear about it?”

“You didn't tell me- you didn't tell anyone! How- how am I supposed to know about these things when you won't even tell anyone? When you won't tell me?” Dick can feel himself begin to tear up, but he keeps it all down. He was frustrated, and even if it wasn't directed towards you, he couldn't keep his big mouth shut. Even if by the looks of things - you couldn't either, even if that was for a different reason.

Maybe you both were one in the same, but different in some ways. Dick would feel stupid if he noticed it, but of course he couldn't — not at the moment. Not with how things are going.

If only he noticed that sooner. If only he had done a lot of things sooner – then both of you wouldn't be in this position. You wouldn't be in this position.

Yet, he couldn't help himself. Both of you couldn't, in a way.

“I can't read your mind, Y/n! I'm not even at the manor half the time- how am I supposed to notice? You can't just expect me to suddenly know-”

“But you visit enough for the others? For any one of them you'd come rushing over, especially if it was for Damian-”

“At least he tells me when he gets hurt!”

“Are we talking about the same kid right now? God, and here I thought that he was your favorite.”

“‘Favorite’?” Dick chuckled out humorlessly, feeling something in him break at your words. “I don't have any favorites-”

“That is such bullshit, Grayson, and you fucking know that.” You couldn't help but sneer, everything you tried to keep inside finally rearing its ugly head as the lid you tried to put on your emotions flew off, leaving you feeling nothing but unapologetic rage. “You play favorites all the time, but I wouldn't know that, would I? I'm probably your least-”

“Don't say that. You're not. You never were.”

“Right! Yeah, you're right. After all, I'm not even on the list, am I? How can I be the least when you barely even acknowledge me-?”

“I didn't-” Dick just cuts himself off, sighing before he continues, not being able to stop the scoff that slips past, “I didn't mean it like that. You're important to me, Y/n, how many times do I have to say that? It's like you're trying to put words in my mouth at this rate.”

“Well, excuse me for not believing you considering that, oh, I don't know, I've been ignored by you for years? That-”

“‘Ignored’? I haven’t been ignoring you, no one has-”

“Really? Are you really trying to say that now-?”

“I understand that you're frustrated, okay? That you have all the reason to be mad- but no one has ignored you. I haven't ignored you-”

“BULLSHIT! That is bull-SHIT!” You scream before you even notice the words had left your mouth in the first place, “You would have said that before it that was the case! And even then- how the hell do you explain this entire shit show? How do you even dare to try and explain where the fuck ANY of you have been?! Because people can only be so ignorant and stupid until others begin to think it's intentional and you're doing it on god-damn purpose-!” Broken, harsh chuckles escape you - slipping in between your piercing words, ones so rough and dry that it scratches your throat just to let them out. The disbelief was heavy in each and every one of them, utterly devoid of any humor, and yet they were so unbelievably empty simultaneously.

You could feel your heart breaking even more, but you weren't the only one. Not that it mattered, as with each piece that was chipped off, you could only register the little sounds of you coming apart. Everything else was muffled, and almost completely blocked out. With your only focus being on him, on them.

“Just because something looks a certain way, doesn't mean that it's really like that. I told you, it isn't that easy. Like I said before- I haven't been avoiding you, let alone ignoring you! I wasn't trying to do anything like that-”

“It doesn't matter what you tried! What you're trying to do! Don't you see? What matters is what it felt like to me-”

“But you won’t let me change that! You won't let me try and change things- it’s like you want it to remain the same-!”

“YOU DON'T GET TO SAY WHAT I WANT! NOT AFTER THIS- NOT AFTER EVERYTHING! You don’t get to say shit like that- you don't know me! You don't know what I've been through-! So stop talking like you understand me!”

“But you won't let me in! You won't give me the chance to understand! How can I expect to know anything when you're giving me nothing to work with?!”

“How about you take a fucking hint, Grayson. Can't you read the room?! You're a cop for crying out loud! And was trained by the best detective the world has to offer- so it's not my fault you're acting like you're stupid!”

“You're not another case, Y/n! You're family, you’re my sibling! Not something that needs to be solved! Is it really so hard to just tell me anything and not push me away when I'm right here?!”

Your words catch in your throat momentarily, but you try to push past that and force something out, not caring if it was made of broken glass or venom. Yet, just as you go to speak, and the first letter escapes your lips – Dick finally breaks too.

“SHUT UP! Just Shut. Up. And ACTUALLY listen to me for one second! Please! For the love of-” Dick can't help but scoff, running a hand down his face, and covering his mouth with it.  Looking away as he does so, brows furrowing. 

He wants to say something, think of anything that he wants you to hear and understand clearly - but nothing comes to mind. Nothing you'd truly hear him out on, anyway. Nothing he's already mentioned to you. Nothing that would make this better. Even as he goes to try and say something, all that comes out is a mess of half finished words that he can't make comprehensible, especially not in a way that'll have you listen to him where you won't try to bite at him again.

So, he falls silent. You both do.

Your eyes widening at the sudden shout, before your gaze hardens and you glare at Dick through your tears and agony. His silence makes you angrier, but his loud response does shut you up momentarily.

“Well– fine, if you want me to be quiet so badly, then I'm leaving.” You manage to say after a moment, voice wavering and becoming weaker — now spent thanks to how you've been using it up until this point.

Still, your words immediately snap Dick out of whatever trance he was in, and cause his head to snap back in your direction, with his eyes locking onto you once again – though they widen a little before he tries to calm down, and take in one last breath. He scrambles to say anything, especially as he sees you turn to leave, and see your words through.

“W-wait, hold on, I-” he presses his lips into a thin line, thinking briefly before continuing, “Can I at least walk you home? It isn't safe-”

You pause in your movements, “No. Just-” you don't look back, you can't bring yourself to, but you do just barely glance over your shoulder – though not enough to actually see him again. Dick can't see your eyes anymore, but he can still see the tears streaming down your face. “Just leave me alone. All of you.”

Dick tries to reach out, to stop you one last time – but he hesitates, and just lets his hand fall back to his side. Instead, opting to watch you leave while he stands there, left hurt and alone. His eyes eventually find and land on the coffee you had left behind on the bench, and he finds himself staring at that once you're out of sight.

He has to hold back from running after you, and following - if only to just make sure that you'd reach your apartment in one piece - but he manages. It's the least he could do, after all, and besides, he doubts he'd be able to do that without making you hate him even more. He's gathered as much from all of this, and really - from the looks of things, he had a lot more to consider than he had originally thought. All of them did.

… It's only as you walk away and the distance between you and Dick grows bigger, with both of your words beginning to settle - that you both notice the clouds once light cries have turned into ugly sobs, with each tear being shed heavier than the last, thunder roaring and echoing in the distance, lightning striking the earth with a deafening clap. It was only then that both of you even noticed that the light drizzle from before had turned into pouring rain, and that there was more than just the two of you in the world. Something that felt heavier than it should’ve, but felt appropriate at the same time.

Regardless, you continue to walk away, and once again, never look back as you commit to your decision no matter what may happen afterwards, or the consequences that may follow. Just like that one day back in the manor, you move on and go on with your choice, just knowing what you want in that moment and seeing no reason to deny yourself — especially when you want the same thing you wanted that night, when you just want to get away. You don’t know what happened tonight, but all you knew is that you didn’t want to be a part of it anymore, so you just left, and maybe you would’ve felt a little grateful that Dick let you go if you had noticed to begin with – since your mind was more focused on just putting as much distance between you and him as possible.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket, and it’s only then that you remember that you still had it on you – not that you knew why you’d leave it anywhere or forget it, but it’s something you noticed nonetheless. You fish it out of your pocket as you walk, and wipe some of your tears away with the back of your hand, sniffling lightly as you check the notification. Jessica had left you a voicemail – several, actually. You couldn’t imagine why, but you didn’t try very hard to think of a reason, and instead just opened your phone to listen to it.

[“Hey, hun’, it’s been a while, you okay? If you don’t call in the next twelve hours or so then I’m calling the police- even if most of them are useless as hell, I know more of them will look, since they know who you are and all that. But I swear if that asshole did anything to you then he’s got another thing coming, and I know you don’t like to fight, but please, for the love of god, just sucker punch that creep in the face if you have to. He looks like he could use one, and an extra hard one at that.” She takes a moment to sigh, clearly frustrated - which her tone made very clear - but you could sense a little worry, “But, seriously. Just get back to me when you can, and you better be safe, alright? Listen to my other voice message if you haven’t already, talk to you soon, bye.”]

Just hearing Jessica’s voice made you feel a bit better, and some of what she said got a little laugh out of you. She always tried to look after you, and with what just happened – you couldn’t be more grateful for it.

So, you did as told, and listened to the other voice message she had left you, curious as to what she had wanted you to know about.

[“Hey, it’s Jess, darlin’. I hope you’re not still with that guy, but if you are then just remember what I told you, okay? Well, anyway, Cece came by, and is waiting for you in the diner, and barely awake at that. So just come by and pick them up, since- well, I’d send ‘em home on their own but honestly I doubt they’d be able to make it there themselves. I’m a little surprised they were even able to reach this place- but you get the jist. Come by, but if you’re still with that guy? I can wait, just hurry up because a girl’s gotta get her beauty sleep. See you, bye.”]

… Oh, well, guess you had to make a stop on your way home, then. You wanted nothing more than to curl up in your bed and just sleep, but it’s not like the walk to the diner was long anyway, and besides, it was on the way back to your apartment, so you couldn’t really complain.

With that, you made a turn and headed towards the diner. Still processing and taking in everything as you do so — but when you feel more tears begin to well up, you push it to the side, and tell yourself that you’ll handle it later. No matter how short or long that interaction was, it drained you, and you desperately needed rest. Maybe it wasn’t the most healthy decision to make, but you couldn’t handle doing anything else right now, so it’d have to wait. Besides, with how tonight went, you definitely didn’t want to think about Dick and the others at the moment – they didn’t deserve it, anyway.

Thankfully, you reached the diner in no time, and it’s only when Jessica stops you at the door do you even realize that your soaked… which makes sense but you feel a little embarrassed when she points it out nonetheless, and says how she loves you but doesn’t want to have to clean the floor again when her shift has been over for about a half hour. Cece was sitting at the counter, and perks up when you enter, giving a sleepy smile before standing up and making their way over to you. Both of you thank Jessica as you take your leave – but not before you wish her a good night and say your usual goodbyes, even if she does make a point about how you and her will talk later. Hell, she even sneaks in how you almost looked like her after her breakup with Michael which… ouch, you can only imagine how awful you really look if that was the case – but it also only fully confirmed that you were talking to her about what happened no matter what.

Still, you were grateful that she left it at that, and didn’t pry anymore as she finally let you and Cece go home. The walk to the apartment – or, rather, the short run there – since you and Cece ended up sharing their jacket as cover from the rain, and they had a funny idea as you both held it over your heads, and… well, one thing led to another – and it's safe to say it turned out to be rather eventful. Ending with you and Cece laughing in front of your apartment building once you reached it, huddled in front of the small entrance – Cece ending up being partially soaked despite their best efforts, and of course, you’re beyond drenched.

Once you reach your shared home, Cece, despite barely being awake, basically shoves you into the shower once you're both a little more settled, and you just do as told – more than a little tired yourself in numerous ways, and definitely not in the mood to argue. When you’re clean and in a new set of clothes, you and Cece talk a little. They try to ask why you had been out, but you just say you ran into someone – though it wasn’t anyone important, and that it wasn’t something to worry about — with them just accepting that answer, much to your relief.

The rest of the evening becomes a bit of a blur after that, with you and Cece just talking some more here and there, sharing a few laughs that really helped brighten your mood and made you forget all about what had happened. The pain becomes dull, and that bright fire in your chest finally dies out - leaving behind a warmth that wasn’t burning or suffocating, but instead comforting and painless. One you welcomed graciously and with open arms as you felt yourself relax more and more.

Eventually, Cece turned in for the night, and as they headed back into their room, you did one last check of the apartment — making sure all the windows were not only locked, but that the curtains were closed. Going as far as to check the front door a few times just to make sure that it was really locked. Even if none of what you did would really stop any of them from getting in - it put your mind at ease a little, and really, that’s all you could hope for.

With that, you finally settled into bed, and fell asleep faster than you had in years.

For once, you hoped you’d never wake up as your worries and fears felt so far away, and reality was out of reach – even if it laid just beyond your closed eyelids. As much as you hoped for a better morning, more than anything, you hoped that you’d just sleep the week away if you could help it. God knows you needed the rest, or at least it felt like you did.

—----------

Dick had no such luxury.

The night became a blur after you had left, and he barely remembers even meeting up with the rest of the family once everything was said and done. He couldn’t tell how long he had been standing in that park all by himself, thinking of everything you had told him and looking at the little pieces of your existence that still remained behind.

All he knows is one thing led to another, and now he’s here – sitting on top of a roof with everyone else both simultaneously chastising him and trying to discuss what they should do now. Though Dick couldn’t bring himself to pay attention, since the events that had unfolded moments prior replayed in his mind like a broken record, torturing him slowly as his brain reminded him of all of the mistakes he’s made tonight. He can’t understand why he said half of what he did, especially because he didn’t mean it. He didn’t mean to blow up like he did – especially in front of you, and when you were clearly hurting and frustrated on top of that. The only thing Dick wanted to do in that moment was stop both of you from arguing, and it seems that his mouth ran off to do just that before he could think of a better way to do it. Now leaving him like this, and things worse off than they were before.

Point is, Dick felt like shit, and he knew he deserved it. Though the rest of the family definitely weren’t helping him out in that regard.

“How the hell did you even fuck this up, Dick?” Jason asks, his tone so heated it sounds like it could’ve come from the depths of hell itself – and all just to burn his older brother.

“I knew I should’ve gone instead, this would’ve never happened-” Tim can’t help but mumble to himself, arms crossed as he sighs, frustrated – but not completely at Dick. If there was a moment for him to really believe he should’ve kept your address and apartment number to himself, it was definitely now.

“Wait- so… what do we do now?” Stephanie asks, concerned over what happened, and that Dick hasn’t really said anything about it to them – even if all of them can tell it went poorly.

Damian just sighs, his arms crossed as well as he looks at Dick before looking to the others, “Take matters into our own hands, obviously.”

“While I agree that something should be done, is it really a good idea to act now?” Barbara pitches in, not entirely sure of what Damian was talking about, but not liking the implications of it all the same. Something about it just didn’t feel right to her, nor did the look he gave her.

“Of course. Now that they’re presumably heading to their apartment, we can just-” before Damian can finish what he was going to say, Cassandra covers his mouth, cutting him off swiftly which annoys the little Robin enough to shove her hand away and give her a scrutinizing look, “what?”

Cassandra just shakes her head, and instead begins to sign something, basically saying how they don’t know if you're even at your apartment, and by the time they find out where you actually are, it’ll probably be morning. Even mentioning how since you know that they know where you live, you probably wouldn’t even be there anymore. Which just causes Damian to huff in response. She had a point, and he knew it, but he wasn’t going to admit it out loud.

Still, despite that Jason spoke up again, “Actually, I agree with the little twerp. Now’s a good a time as any to get them home.”

“... You can't be serious, right?” Barbara asks, now getting a little concerned over what Jason meant as well, and the half-shrug he gave did little to reassure her or calm her nerves that were slowly beginning to rise.

“Why not? They’re still out there doing god knows what- who knows where in the dead of night,” he points out, giving Barbara a little glance, “it anything, I just see more of a reason to get them before anything else happens.”

“Jason, do you even hear yourself right now.”

“What? Is it a crime to be worried for my god damn family now?”

“Jason.” Bruce’s voice pierces through the air, cutting through the tension before anyone else can speak up or give their two cents. Almost as if just his voice alone was enough of a barrier between those who wanted to get you home, those that didn’t, and the few who didn’t know where they stood at the moment. 

Regardless, it’s enough for Jason to stand down, if only temporarily as Bruce turns to Dick – who’s still out of it, and staring at the ground just before his feet.

“Dick,” Bruce calls out, which only gets him a subtle glance, with Dick not even bothering to pick up his head – or maybe he just couldn’t, no one could tell except for the one person among them who was much too fluent in body language. “What do you think?” He asks simply, narrowing his eyes a little when his eldest son grows quieter somehow.

Dick fidgets with the coffee cup in his hands, its warmth long gone, and yet he still runs a finger or two along the side as if it was still there. He doesn’t know why he grabbed it, but now he almost couldn’t find it in himself to let it go. It was yours, after all, if only for a brief moment – and even if all it did was serve as a reminder of his faults, it reminded him of you, and right now? That’s all he could ask for. Dick can’t explain it, but it’s like by holding the cup and having it with him, he had a small part of you with him. Since, sure, while you had left it during your… ‘dispute’ with him, it had come from a place you liked and he could only assume that it was just how you liked your coffee. It was silly, but holding it made him feel close to you, and that’s all he wanted at the moment. To be close.

… It takes him a beat or two before he responds, and even then he seems unsure of himself – but remembering what had transpired minutes ago is enough to set his mind straight.

“I think… we should give them some time, and… a bit of space too for a while.” Dick manages to say hesitantly, tapping the cup lightly as he still holds onto it.

That seemed to quiet everyone down for a moment, until Stephanie eventually asks the question on everyone’s mind.

“Just how badly did things go, Dick?”

He couldn’t answer that, he didn’t want to, so he remained silent. However, Cassandra could tell, and found herself just as divided as she felt the moment she first saw him. She didn’t know what she wanted to do more – throw Dick off the roof, or go looking for you herself. Maybe she’d try to do both if Bruce wasn’t right there. 

“So, what? Do they hate us now or something?” Jason says sarcastically, but with how Dick tenses a little his tone turns harsher, “... You can’t be serious.”

“Dick- please tell me you didn’t screw things up that badly. Please tell me that you didn’t make things worse!” Tim almost begs, desperate to be wrong and hoping that his eldest brother hadn’t made things worse – that there was still a small chance.

Sure, they didn’t expect things to go great, but none of them really believed that they would go so horribly!

“Look, just-” Dick takes a short breath, looking at the cup in his hands in quiet defeat before glancing away, “I think we should give them some time to themself is all.”

Jason can only scoff as he crosses his arms, “I knew I should’ve gone instead, they would’ve been home right now.”

“I believe me and father would’ve handled the situation much better,” Damian states, as if it would lead to the only positive outcome should he and Bruce had gone instead.

“I knew I should’ve kept my mouth shut and just gone over by myself- stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” Tim curses under his breath, looking away as he continues to mumble to himself – expression growing increasingly darker and the air around him shifting into… something indescribable.

Cassandra seemed just about ready to rip something apart, and Stephanie was getting nervous from how the others seemed to be reacting, only able to stutter out a small, “G- guys? Maybe we shouldn’t be talking about this right now-”

“I agree…” Barbara chips in, her own concerns only growing as she looks at the family, but tries to help Stephanie out nonetheless, “What’s done is done, and we should be trying to figure out what to do from here on out.”

Damian scoffs, “Right, like that will be easy with brother being silent about everything.” Dick could only look away in response, taking a small sip of the coffee in his hands, finding a little bit of comfort in its taste. It was cold, and wasn’t how he usually got his done – but it’s how you liked it, and that was enough from him to like it too.

A small argument seemed to spawn from that alone, with some now going back and forth yet again on what to do – Cassandra, Jason, and Damian pretty adamant about wanting to bring you home, with Barbara, Stephanie, and Dick more keen on waiting and giving you space — even if Dick was definitely more quiet about his stance, still thinking about… whatever was on his mind. Tim didn’t seem to engage much in the arguing either, and instead seemed to be dealing with his own thing as he kept mumbling to himself, leaving Bruce to be stuck listening to all of the nonsense until he finally got fed up with it.

“Quiet down, all of you.” He states firmly, voice cold and harsh as he shuts everyone up without even moving an inch. His eyes seemed to judge all of them as he looked at everything before sighing, and making the decision for everyone.

“We’ll give them time, and stand down for now.” He says, his tone alone indicating that there would be no arguing on this. What he said was final, and everyone would be smart to follow along with it, no matter where they stood. Still, he turned to look down at the city, and caught the faintest glimpse of your apartment building in the not-so-far distance. “but if anything happens, then we’ll act accordingly.”

#yandere batfam #platonic yandere batfam #gn reader #yandere dc #platonic yandere #yandere x gn reader #yandere batfam x reader #yandere dc x reader #yandere dick grayson #yandere dick grayson x gn reader #it's finally here in full! #total wc is around 37.5k words #so the 1st part is around 16.5K~ words #and this part is around 20K-21k~ words respectfully #ngl i lost a bit more of my sanity writing this chapter #i was so naive when i called chapter 2 my longest post... #not series

[fourmoony]

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝟐

f!reader x PT!Jamie (modern au) 1.5k words

summary: reader has a bad gym experience and jamie gets protective

cw: working out, mention of potential injury, mentions of sexual harrassment (ass grabbing)

sidenote, that I've seen a lot of this behaviour in the gym before and it makes me sick. writing about it and imagining how jamie would handle it makes me less sick. imagining big strong pt!james making the world better, one set of keys at a time. please, always be aware of your surroundings if you are working out at the gym, especially alone <3

James pulls you out from under the bar of the smith machine by the hips seconds before it clatters to the ground with a sickening thud and clang of metal. You stumble under his harsh hands, land on the ground at his feet and let out a pained whoosh of breath. Luckily, the gym is empty save for the two of you, sparing you the embarrassment of having people watch the commotion.

He's on you in an instant, gentle hands that cradle your neck as he crouches in front of you and pushes your head from side to side with a little pressure from his thumbs. All you can do is blink, try to process what, exactly, just happened. "You're not sore here?" James asks you, brows furrowed and almost touching in the middle, his fingers pressing into the base of your neck.

Your first thought is that James doesn't suit frowning. A silly thought, considering you almost decapitated yourself with a one hundred kilogram squat rack. "No. Just my ass from crash landing." You don't fail to notice the way your voice sounds distant, detached.

James' hands are warm on your neck, a burning touch that you want to lean into. You don't, and it's gone as James collapses down across from you, his elbows resting against his knees. His face turns stern, "What's going on?"

You feel like you're being scolded, and maybe you should be. It's a well known fact that form is everything, that being distracted in the gym can lead to serious injuries. You'd known you wouldn't be able to focus today, you'd known you should've stopped that set and corrected yourself when you could feel the weight more in your back than your legs. But, you hadn't. You're distracted, you're angry. You'd walked into the gym full of frustration and it'd almost ended terribly.

Tears fight their way to your eyes and they burn. You feel a lump forming in your throat that forces you to look away from James. Kind, patient James, who allows you the moment to collect yourself as you pull your legs to your chest. "Shitty week." It comes out mumbled, your voice defeated.

James nods understandingly. "A shitty week doesn't make you lose focus like that, though. There's something more to it."

It's not like James to push. He's friendly and he's kind, he can be a menace when he wants to be, and sometimes you even think he's flirting with you - but he never pushes. You want to open up, you want to step out of that weird area of professionalism you can never seem to get past with him. But unloading your shitty week on him doesn't feel like the way to do that. So you shrug, pulling your knees to your chest until your chin rests atop them, "I'm just stressed. I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I knew my form was wrong but I was too distracted to stop and fix it."

"I don't care that your form was wrong," James shakes his head as though offended you'd think such a thing, "I mean," He pauses, searching for the words, "Obviously, I care that it was wrong because you almost got hurt. But what I mean is that you should've told me you were stressed, that you were feeling a bit distracted."

You find yourself nodding, eyes downcast at your crossed ankles.

"I was waiting for you to correct the form yourself. If I knew you were distracted, I'd have told you to stop. I'm sorry, too." James' voice has turned soft, less stern. He nudges his foot until it's in your line of vision, tapping it against yours until you're looking up.

He's waiting with a smile, his eyes gentle and patient. It feels odd. New, foreign. You can't really describe the feeling. "A guy grabbed my ass in the gym, yesterday." You breathe out, unsure really of what it is that's made you tell him.

It could be that you trust him. It's hard not to build trust with someone in James' position, it's literally his job to stop things like one hundred kilogram bar bells falling on top of you. Or, it could be that not telling anyone, reliving how powerless you'd felt, going over everything you could've done differently, it's eating you alive. Sharing this with James, who sees every day what gyms are like, how people in some gyms behave, you have a feeling that he'll get it. That he'll help you process.

But, he doesn't say anything. Just stares with a look that you can't read. The muscles in his arms shift, his hands clenching around each other tightly, and his jaw clenches. You think he might not say anything, though, you know James is better than that. The silence stretches until the tears in your eyes abate, then James finally croaks, "He what?"

Your veins crackle with the anger in his voice, the darkness that clouds his eyes. You'd never have imagined James in such a light if he wasn't sitting right in front of you, the very picture of livid. You shrug, as though feigning nonchalance might abate the white hot anger you know very well the feeling of. "I was doing those stupid kick back thingies you're always on about. Just messing about as a cool down, trying to correct my own form. He came over and started giving me advice, which I thought was just him being nice."

James shakes his head, remorse like a white sheet of dread across his beautiful face. You swallow, picking at a hangnail on your thumb, "He kind of just," You shift your hands as though grabbing your own hips, "Grabbed me like that and my throat went dry. When he was leaving he grabbed my ass and said 'you're welcome'."

"You didn't report him to the gym staff?"

You shake your head, lip trapped between your teeth. "I wasn't even planning on telling you until I nearly killed myself with the smith machine."

James sighs, one of his hands coming up to rub at his face. He looks nauseous, almost. "I'll get you a set of keys for this gym. You can work out here, from now on. No one will bother you."

It's a nice offer. It makes your heart swell and your cheeks heat. James has always gone above and beyond. He fits you into his schedule despite your crazy work hours and never charges you for the session if you have to cancel day of. But the reason you don't have a membership at his gym is because it's not in your price range. So you smile, kind, if a little tight lipped, "James, you know I can't."

"I'm not saying get a membership. I'm saying I'll get you a set of keys. You can come and go as you please, even after work, whatever time you want." His voice is thick, his eyes earnest and almost pleading.

"I can't ask you to do that."

James scoots closer, fingers flexing as though he might reach out for you, but is stopping himself. He chases your gaze, waits until he has it, until your lips part under the weight of it and your heart hammers against your chest, to speak. "You're not asking. I'm offering. I can't believe that happened to you and it makes me so angry. I'm not going to sit by and do nothing about it."

You sigh, unwilling to argue when James sounds so passionate, so sure of himself. A smile makes its way to your lips, timid, unsure, "Thanks, Jamie."

He nods. "Any time."

"Are you sure the owner won't mind?" You ask.

James grins, some of the mischievous twinkle returning to his eyes, "He's my best mate, it'll be fine."

He offers you a hand as he stands, the storm clouds passing and the weight already lifting from your chest. It feels brighter, in the gym. You take James' hand, let him pull you up. He does his signature move of tugging you until you're stumbling towards him, his laugh echoing off of the concrete walls when you curse him out for it.

"Start from the beginning?" James asks, moving to return the smith machine to where you need it to be.

You take a breath, watch the way his shoulder muscles strain against his top as he bends and lifts. It brings a smile to your lips, the feeling of familiarity you hadn't felt upon entering the gym earlier. "I believe I was at five reps when I dropped the bar."

James tsks, "Dropping it doesn't count as a rep. Call it four."

"Cruel."

James only winks, offers you his award winning smile as you settle yourself under the bar. This time, with the correct form. He nods, and you twist to unlock, eyes on his in the mirror.

"That's one." He grins, crossing his arms over his chest.

You consider dropping the bar on his head, next.

#james potter #james potter fic #james potter imagine #james potter oneshot #james potter x reader #james potter x f!reader #james potter fluff #james potter angst #marauders #marauders era #marauders fic #marauders imagine #sirius black #remus lupin #fourmoony #angst #love #fluff #smut #pt!jamie #pt!james potter #pt!james

[ddarker-dreams]

mini love report — scaramouche

relationship health diagnosis — 50%*

symptom one — deeply insecure

for all his bravado, scaramouche is acutely aware that he's unpleasant to be around. he'd ask if you hit your head recently after hearing your confession. initially, he regarded you with suspicion (and loathing, that's what this churning in his stomach has to be). his beauty has been praised for centuries. traditionally, when his admirers draw closer, they're put off by his brutal honesty. he subjected you to the same treatment. instead of running for the hills like you probably should've, you stuck around. he compared you to a 'cockroach infestation.' very charming.

beneath this veneer of vitriol, he's internally panicking. he's irritable when you're around and wretched when you aren't. his underlings don't know which is worse. he was at a loss when he realized you genuinely weren't bumbling back into his life for his appearance or status. seriously, what is wrong with you? it'd be easier to understand if you had some grand ambition in mind, using him as a means to an end. without this excuse to hide behind, he feels... vulnerable. uncomfortably so.

everything he gets attached to is taken from him. he's forgotten, abandoned, discarded when his worth is found lacking. you could find someone else. someone kind, open, and warm. someone who isn't him. it's terrifying, a thought that makes his skin writhe. especially since, should this premonition come to pass, even he doesn't know what havoc he'd wreak...

symptom two — clingy

once scaramouche likes you, you're his person. not even in a strictly possessive sense (although there's plenty of that), but you're essentially all he's got. he's around more often than he isn't. he insists that without him, your 'stupidity would do you in,' so he considers his hovering a 'necessary evil.' this is for your sake! strictly yours. not his, no, whatever gave you that idea? a bit presumptuous, don't you think?

his habit of acting as your second shadow relates to his aforementioned insecurity. whether he realizes it or not, he's always trying to prove his worth to you. tasks you mentioned dreading will find themselves completed, he'll drag you outdoors if you've been overworking yourself, and he silently sits freshly cooked meals beside you. he once cut vegetables into heart shapes, only to feel so embarrassed, that he diced them into a dusty substance.

symptom three — unconditionally supportive

so long as it doesn't take you away from him, he'll help you accomplish anything you want, good or bad. this is what could come to him most naturally. he loves the thought of you relying on him. it makes him feel wanted, like he's fulfilling a role no one else could in your life. it doesn't have to be material items either. if you're struggling with an issue and come to him for advice, he's noticeably pleased, like a cat that got the cream. you sought him out, you value his input.

he excels at putting together plans and breaking them into doable steps. next-level executive function. you might not want to consult him if you've gotten into a disagreement with a friend, but if you're struggling to know where to get started on a project or goal, he's got you covered. he'll wave off any of your doubt, flicking you on the forehead and grumbling that 'it's doable, just leave it to him.'

primary area of concern

scaramouche views the world from a bitter lens. whereas some try to see the best in others, he sees the worst. this skepticism that's built up over centuries isn't going to disappear overnight. he'll make assumptions about your behavior that aren't necessarily true. he won't come outright and tell you his concerns either, the idea is foreign to him. it ends up falling on you to dispel his misconceptions, which can be an exhausting endeavor.

integrating him into your life proves to be a challenge as well. he can fake a sweet, friendly personality, but he'd only do that for interactions he sees value in. namely, leaving a good impression on your parents/any seniority figure whose approval is meaningful to you. he isn't trying to build a real connection, he just knows it'd be advantageous to win over those who you could you against him. he has no qualms about manipulating them either. he'd do this outside of your purview so you remain none the wiser.

prognosis

it isn't a smooth road. there'll be times where his words cut deep and his involvement in your life feels suffocating. he isn't sure what he's doing and it shows. however, when he extinguishes the light in your eyes, he stills his traitorous tongue. the guilt gnaws at him incessantly. it's a self-fulfilling prophecy on his part — by fearing that he can't make you happy, he's more susceptible to doing just that. should you stick around, this loop isn't destined to repeat forever. his trust in you will build. it's a fragile thing, sown in soil unconducive to growth. be tender in your nourishment and the roots will coil themselves around you.

*the universe has tried (and failed) to wrench you apart (0-20) your friends are praying that you'll break up (21-40) 'well it could/has be worse' bargaining mindset (41-60) a lil messiness as a treat (61-80) pure and wholesome (81-100)

#all that being said. it's still worth it though #mini love reports #scaramouche x reader #genshin impact x reader #scaramouche brainrot #valentines 2024 event

[taintedbenevolence]

"𝕯𝖔𝖓'𝖙 𝖙𝖊𝖘𝖙 𝖒𝖊." — YANDERE DAN HENG · IMBIBITOR LUNAE x FEMALE READER

𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐆𝐎𝐑𝐘 — nsfw, short prompt 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 — Not proofread! Use of profanities, non-consensual display of affection, obsessive & possessive behavior, (brief insinuations/mentions of) breeding kink. Dan Heng bites and marks reader. notation: any character participants are aged 18 and up. just for the record. I don't write sexual content for minors. please know that.

"I warned you," he huffed with mild irritation, as he thrusted himself inside of you for what seemed to be another, countless time. "Don't test me."

It was a bad enough idea when you had decided to argue, telling him that you'd find a way out, pointing out all the individual flaws of the manner in which he kept you trapped.

You'd begun to find solutions to your inescapable cage with this man, and it filled him with indignation, because he was entirely enraptured by you, and he refused to let you go. The very thought of you escaping was something he couldn't stand.

Being all alone was the last thing he needed. Break his arms and legs, but he'll cling to you like there's no one else he loves more and needs.

But seeing as how you'd decided to try and make an attempt to escape, he had zero intent to let you go now, more than ever. He pondered on just what he'd do to finally ingrain in your head somewhere that you were not going to be leaving – not anytime soon, nor any time later.

He was fine doing anything and everything to keep you by his side.

He'd pump you full of his seed, fill you up with his cum day and night, if it'd remind you that you had no one and no place to go but him and only him, that you were meant to stay with him forever. You would be his and his alone. Right?

He couldn't bear the thought of someone else taking you away from him. With all that he's gone through, he at the very least deserves this. Wouldn't you agree?

Even so, you'd grown accustomed to the feel of your wrists bound by chains and cuffs above your head, your ankles tied down similarly whilst his tail coils around your waist, holding you down in place as he pushes in and out of you.

All nice and tied up, open and ready to take whatever was going to ruin you tonight. Would it be his fingers, his tongue, or his cock this time?

It was a chilling feeling that never failed to scare you—the feeling of helplessness that the Vidyadhara always managed to incite within you. It terrified you—to be taken advantage of in such way without being able to do anything about it.

Whether his carnal instincts were led by his previous incarnation or not, you had not the slightest idea, and frankly, you didn't really want to know either. 

All you could do was stay down while he fucked your brains out. ... You should probably watch your mouth the next time you're mad.

He drinks up your mewls, your abused, puffy hole unable to handle any more, but he licks your tears away, seemingly uncaring about how you beg him to stop. In his eyes, this is a punishment. If you keep acting like this, he really won't be able to be as kind as he wishes to be.

He doesn't mean to hurt you, and if you'd let him, oh how he'd worship your body without leaving a single mark, but he can't help himself if you keep behaving yourself like a brat. Please, can't you comply at the very least once? Would it kill you to show some acceptance for him?

Maybe.

And with how many times he has cum inside you, it upsets him that you really can't be impregnated by him. It'd delight him to see your belly swollen with his baby, but alas, it's only a fantasy.

A fantasy that he can't help but try to indulge in every time he fucks you raw.

Perhaps it's a little wrong of him to enjoy how much you cry whenever he does this to you. Just maybe. Maybe. Your cheeks all red, stained with tears, pretty puffed lips all swollen because of his rough, frequent kisses — it makes his heart swell.

He loves it. He loves you.

His face is nuzzled up in the crook of your neck, teeth sinking into the soft skin, leaving numerous red marks that most likely will stay for a long time, if not forever, his mouth moving to leave more bruises upon your skin to claim you as his own.

"Dan Heng—" You manage to moan, almost choking on your tears, feeling him push in and out with a rapidity you cannot measure. "'ts too much, 'm cumming, please, a-ah—!"

It's all too much. It hurts too much. You feel too much. Too much pain, too much pleasure, it's all mixing up and your brain by now has been reduced to mush, your words a babbling mess as you whine, whine, and whine, to a point where you don't know how you have not lost your voice.

"Mine, mine, mine, please, s' good," you hear him murmur incoherently to you, the only sound left in the area being the wet squelch, the slapping sounds of skin against skin, your unstable cries, and your sobbing along with his sweet moans as he makes love to you. "P-please, don't leave, mgh-"

Any trace of his gentle demeanor was thrown away from the moment he had you pressed on the mattress. There was only a burning need left in him.

A need only you could satiate. An obsession that would never end.

And for what he's done to you, he knows you harbor hate, but he knows it makes you feel good, so why play pretend? ♡

---------------------------------------------------

A / N - It's a little shorter than usual, sorry </3 Writer's block has been absolutely demolishing me, but I'm hanging in there, I've got a few requests which I'm almost done with rn.. Sorry for the inactivity, I'll be hopefully posting more often if I'm not too burnt-out. Getting this one out so I can finally publish the Neuvi request..

#honkai star rail #hsr #yandere hsr #imbibitor lunae #dan heng #dan heng smut #imbibitor lunae smut #female reader #hsr x reader #dan heng x female reader #imbibitor lunae x reader #dan heng il #dan heng imbibitor lunae #yandere male #yandere #yandere boyfriend #male yandere #soft yandere #yandere x darling #dom yandere #yandere x reader #yandere headcanons #yandere x you #yandere writing #yandere imagines #hsr yandere #yandere dan heng #dan heng x you #yandere dan heng x reader #saccharine.affinity

[theloveinc]

any hobie and/or miguel icks? 😟

whoever sent this: thank you + i ADORE you. i hope you don't mind i'm switching up the formatting/style a it in comparison to my older icks... shorter list, more detailed <3

(warning: some fem terms used at the end, such as “mama!”)

-

Miguel O'Hara

- This guy... has some long ass toenails. Type of toenails that poke you at night in bed, and tear holes in his socks.

It's maybe somewhat related to the claw thing he's got going on? Has a lot stronger and faster-growing nails than the average person... but the real problem here is that he's TERRIBLE about clipping them. Claims it doesn't bother him even remotely and that you're the one overreacting when you ask him to... but hardly anything gets through to him about it. You probably even offer to do it for him one day, thinking the offer of a foot massage would sway his thinking and that it'd actually work... but he fought you on that just as easy...!!!

...which is how you came to the conclusion that you have a man who'll even argue w/ you over toenails. Petty boy.

- Miguel is also tired 24/7. AND yeah, it's pretty hard to be un-sympathetic towards that, but he's tired in the... I'm-gonna-prioritize-this-one-last-email-over-saying-goodnight-to-you way. Which gets real irritating when you're asking him to help you out w/ anything, like cleaning up or answering a question or JUST HAVING A DAMN CONVERSATION W/ YOU and he's using "I'm tired" as an excuse when his response is shitty or distracted.

Like one of those stupid guys whose always squinting at their damn iPad when you ask what he wants for dinner... which is ironic given that he'll get snippy at you for not giving him your full, entire attention whenever he wants it. Type of man to start picking imaginary lint off your head when you're simply trying to finish up a text before engaging him so that you aren't distracted.

- Odd about Lyla. Not that he loves her or anything, but she'll like pop up to give him updates about whatever even if you're MID-MAKEOUT session and he won't change that setting. Pulling away from your lips all pouty and squinty only to glare at his watch for thirty seconds before trying to go right back into kissing you.

No. No sir.

(Lyla will also always say something to or-but-usually-and about you, which... Okay, she's an AI and doesn't Get It... but it's still weird because it feels like someone you don't know just walked into the room.)

- Picks his nose when he's too busy to find a tissue, and forgets to sanitize his hands after. Denies this when you tell him.. but you've witnessed this multiple times (he's weirdly kind of whiney for a dude and lazy for a workaholic LOL).

Hobie Brown

- Lovely boyfriend because he doesn't give a crap about your appearance or the idea of needing to "look nice" for a man... but also stupid, nuisance boyfriend because this means he doesn't give one hoot if you try to get all gussied up for him. Nags you about wasting time getting ready because he doesn't need you to do all that instead of just saying "THANK YOU, YOU LOOK NICE." Even probably complains about you feeding into gender stereotypes or w/e when you do something like shave your legs or pluck your eyebrows😭

You try to talk to him about this, ask if he even cares that you tried to look nice, and he skirts around admitting it because he has an argument for everything. "'oughta know I think you're pretty either way"-ass when you just spent an hour trying to look all good for him.

- Tries to share the most obscure music with you... which is like, sweet in concept, but weird when it actually happens since it's never like a generic love song but an eleven minute underground jam session.

Which isn't to say he has bad taste in music, usually it's fine if not fantastic... but you try to tell him you don't want to listen to some dude's first draft of himself banging on a drum set for a full album and he's like: "tsk."

HOBIE. TSK??? FUCKING TSK????????? WHAT ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE LIKE????????

(He'll also use his to get out of listening to your music. Claiming his "inconsistency" is why he liked your playlist yesterday but not today. Stop!!!)

- And you know I gotta say it, he's a punk, after all: absolutely refuses to clean his favorite leather jacket, and it smells RANK. He's genuinely sentimental about it, though... and if you even try to bring up cleaning it somehow (even if very gently), he's acting like you betrayed him. Goes through the five stages of grief over you asking him not to wear it on one of your dates, and teases you by TALKING to it:

"Mumma didn't mean that, jackie. She just doesn't understand our lifestyle, does she?" while giving you a (lighthearted) stink eye.

#miguel o'hara x reader #hobie brown x reader #hobie #miguel #atsv #LOL THIS WAS SO FUNNNN I HOPE ITS OK TO READ #I'M EBARASSED THO SO YEEET #SORRY I BAD AT TAGS LATELY WAHH #caitie things #gen #anon

[pigcowboys]

Hi I hope you're having a wonderful day <3

I was wondering if you could maybe do percy jackson with a daughter of nyx where they are basically the same person personality wise and have a lot of common interests ( sorry self indulging here🤭). They basically both kin each other lmao

THANK YOU <3

pairing: ꒰percy jackson x nyx! female! reader꒱⋆·˚

summary: general hcs for percy with a nyx! s/o

warning(s): mutual pining, nonsensical bickering, mentions of injuries & kisses

a/n: HIII OMG THIS REQUEST IS SO CUTE :)) i tried my best to do what you requested!! i hope you like it!!

request are closed!

literally off the bat i can see the two of you at each other's throats all the time.

you're just too alike there's no way there's not gonna be bickering man.

"i think we should use a different design."

"who put you in charge?"

"the voices in my head, actually"

"literally what."

i imagine percy kind of being put off by you when he'd first get to camp half-blood like

who are you.

i mean it isn't like he's TRYING to be mean, you're just so annoying sometimes yk.

then i feel like one night he'd sneak out of camp to go stargazing and find you near the shore in his spot.

lowkey annoyed by your presence at first but still proceeds to gaze with you silently. you'd strike up a conversation with him and it'd actually go a lot better than he expected it to go.

okay, maybe you're not that bad.

he'd start to approach you more at camp but like not for any reason at all yk. he just enjoys talking to you, i guess.

probably would be overjoyed when he finds out you have similar interests as him.

you two probably stay up all night talking about the most random stuff.

honestly, those talks are probably the moment when he realizes he..like likes you.

you're just chilling and talking about random shit and he laughs at one of your jokes and has to take a moment because he realized that you're honestly just the best person ever.

and then from that point on he's honestly kind of a mess.

you're so cool to him for some reason?? you'd just be living life and he'd probably just be in the background observing you with big ass heart eyes.

"is there something on my face, perce?"

"huh? uh no, what?"

he knows he likes you but just doesn't know how to say it?? i mean, do YOU even like him back..??

aghhhh it's honestly so draining to him.

he's not shy. just kind of stupid when it comes to feelings.

probably tried to "woo" you somehow by buying you ocean related stuff whenever you go out together.

played it off as him just having some change.

he is willing to go bankrupt for you.

i feel like one day he just got tired of dropping hits and just decided to go for it cause like, you've known each other for a minute.

he'd meet you at that star gazing spot and literally just spill all his feelings for you.

"don't say anything but what if i told you you're an amazing person and probably the coolest person i've ever met in my life and that i'm literally head over heels for you because you're smart and funny and pretty and you're just the best?"

"what?"

and you start dating!! woo!!

HES SO SWEET!!!

once you start dating he def gets a bit more of a confidence boost.

always boasting about the fact he's dating you like everyone else doesn't already now from the way he's always clinging to you.

and if you're not into physical touch no worries!! he's completely and totally fine with it!! probably asks permission to give you hugs and hold your hand.

beach dates.

you'd be that one sappy couple who interlocking hands and walks down the beach together UGHH

he would def be the type of guy to go to you after every quest so you can patch him up. do you even know how to patch him up?? probably not! can't he just use some ambrosia?? yes.

doesn't mean he won't stop.

"percy, what the fuck happened!?"

"what do you mean?? :)"

kind of scared of your mother but would never admit it to your face.

i feel like he'd make some kind of big plan to try and kiss you but it'd ultimately fail.

he'd pull up to you with some beautiful ass flowers with a big grin on his face.

would take you to some really secluded spot that he'd decorated with a bunch of different things and homemade food!! (sally helped him.)

things would be going good till it starts to rain.

not that it's a problem for him at all but it kills the freaking mood.

"i'm so sorry.."

"for what?"

"how this turned out, it was supposed to be this big and..romantic thing."

"it's okay, we can have other dates."

"no like..i wanted us to kiss."

"..."

"..."

"who says we can't right now..?"

"oh."

he's in heaven when you finally kiss for the first time!! you're literally so amazing like wtf he got so lucky.

from that point on you two are locked in for life.

he's everywhere you are, you're everywhere he is NO MATTER WHAT.

he's so in love.

#percy jackson fluff #percy jackson x y/n #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson x you #x reader #x reader fluff #pjo x reader #pjo fluff #pjo headcanon #⋆·˚ #nyx reader

[glacierclear]

Having some mad fuckboy!Leon thoughts rn

After he's unlearned all the stuff he taught himself and is basically done with the whole fuckboy thing oh man he would be SO soft. Holding your hand? Check. Cuddling at his dorm? Check. Being more gentle and loving during sex? Also check.

Also, stealing his hoodies. He'd melt for sure

oh, for sure. healed fuckboy!leon would be a SIGHT TO BEHOLD.

he wouldn't be perfect...

progress isn't linear. he'd stumble a lot. make a lot of mistakes and backward steps. you would need to be patient. you would need to be careful. especially in the early stages. because damn, he's trying. he's trying so hard. and you need to acknowledge the effort, even if it's hard to see, because any praise towards this will mean so much to him.

it'd come out especially on his bad days. he's more impatient. short-tempered. lashes out over seemingly mundane things. you'll need to be firm but not demeaning. catch his tells, his habits, and figure out the real reason he's behaving the way he is.

you'll need to slowly teach him the true depth of his words. that they hurt you just as much as they hurt him. he's unfamiliar with the idea of accountability, so you need to teach him about consequences. let him know you're upset and angry at him. but just because you're upset doesn't mean he's irredeemable. he'll assume any pushback is you ending things permanently. he needs the space to fuck up and forgive himself.

and damn it all, he's the jealous type. possessive. protective as all hell. it's toxic, and you need to teach him boundaries. it'll be tough. he worked so fucking hard to get you, doesn't he deserve to have you the way he needs? but no. you need freedom. he'll learn eventually, but be prepared to send a lot of "im safe and i miss u" texts to him when you're out with friends.

speaking of toxic. the toxic masculinity will be hell to unpack. sometimes it's nice! he insists on you being passenger princess. he insists on picking up the bill (well, once you're actually dating). he doesn't mind taking care of spiders (and fine, just because you asked nicely, he won't kill them). but...the bads get real bad.

displaying any kind of vulnerable emotion is like pulling teeth. when he's nervous, scared, anxious...he'll take it out on others. or himself. early progress will be made when he's blackout drunk and spilling everything to you. he reveals the deepest, most fragile parts of himself on these nights. it's like he's an entirely different person. and the next morning he'll do his best to sweep it all under the rug, but you have to fight for it. accept him and love him despite how "totally fucking lame" he acted (his words, not yours).

that being said. the good parts? oh yeah. Boyfriend Material 100%.

he'd do anything for you. anything. don't even say shit as a joke because he'll do it. at a certain point he doesn't even care if his friends think he's being stupid. you're his whole world. he'd wear stupid t-shirts for you. go to that concert you're dying to see even if he thinks the music sucks. he'll bash his head into a wall and learn to bake french pastries if it'll get you to smile. through hell and high water, he'll follow.

and yeah, he weans himself off social media. stops posting thirst trap photos and cuts ties with his sneaky links. but the lack of external validation is felt, and it kind of falls on you to fill the void. clingy won't even begin to describe what he is. he'll resort to begging. he will. late to work in the morning? that's not his problem. you're staying in that damn bed and you are cuddling him. you think him wearing tank tops in the middle of December is just a dumb mistake, but you catch on quick when he starts to shiver and needs to huddle you for warmth. "you want me to die of hypothermia? c'mon, babe. get closer." and yeah. those ice cold hands are going straight on your stomach. have fun.

part of the excitement will come from truly learning who he is as a person. most of his herculean facade is a persona. he doesn't actually like beer. he likes dry whiskey and refined clear liquors. he doesn't actually enjoy parties. the crowds make him nauseous, and he can always blame it on the alcohol. he's not actually all that into sports. you figure out he has a well-loved public library card and he knows the mystery section like the back of his hand. he's vibrant. shockingly intelligent. gets that light in his eyes when you nudge him about his interests. it'll be hard to get him to admit it, but his favorite part of the week is huddling on the couch watching nature documentaries with you.

and it's a two-way street. he remembers everything about you. early on in your relationship you casually assume he'll never keep track of the important dates. that's the stereotype, right? you couldn't be more wrong. birthdays. anniversaries. doctor's appointments. your fucking dog's yearly vaccine. he won't necessarily go all-out, not until you're more of a long-term thing, but what he does is meaningful. sincere. you won't get $500 of flowers and chocolate for valentine's day, but he'll abduct you from work, drive you out far, far into the countryside. lay out a patchwork blanket and stare at the night sky. he brought your favorite brand of pita chips and sneakily worms a gift box in your hand. it's that stupid $15 thing that's been sitting in your online shopping cart for weeks that you could never justify buying. and yeah, he'd appreciate a blowjob under the stars, but seeing you happy is enough.

and you could never begin to imagine how loving and passionate he can get during sex. it's totally different than his usual flavor. casual hook-ups and one-night stands are merely a fraction of his power. he tends to avoid intimate gestures on those nights. no eye-contact. hardly any kissing. he likes it rough and he likes it fast. but with you? he takes his time. commits your body to muscle memory. his gaze is intense, and he watches every reaction, trying to map out your flesh like a cartographer. he'll happily make out with you for upwards of a couple hours before you even begin the real foreplay. and you always cum first. always.

oh, but if you're not a fan of PDA...he might be a problem. he's proud of you. you're the hottest thing on two legs as far as he's concerned. he'll have no issue grabbing your ass, wrapping a hand around your waist, kissing along your neck, whispering the most obscene things in your ear. it's not even to make a point. there's no rhyme or reason. he just wants to. and you're right there. and what right does the world have to tell him to stop? does it make people uncomfortable? who cares. he'll lay off if it really bugs you that much...but if he catches anyone staring at you too long he'll ramp it up. it's almost aggressive. you turn to scold him, noticing how his eyes aren't even on you. he's staring at someone else. someone who's looking at what's his.

he's a yes man, too. if you need restraint and careful guidance in your life...he's not the one. he'll support any weird, out of the blue hobby you want to pursue. if you even joke about quitting your job he'll egg you on. "i'll drive right up there and tell your boss i'll fuck his wife!" and you have to talk him down. he'll punch the sun for you. he'll be behind every impulsive purchase. every 4am trip to walmart. every instinct to feed your id. any "little treat" you want to have he'll get it. because you deserve the best. if you ever want to have a stable bank account you need the be the voice of reason. because it's not gonna be him.

yeah. he'll have a lot of problems. don't worry about that. but, at least with fuckboy!leon, you'll almost never have any doubts that he loves you. once you manage to pin his heart on his sleeve, it's there for life and it'll always be yours.

#fuckboy!leon #leon kennedy #resident evil #shut up glacier #suggestive #headcanons

[miyaur]

"little things they do that let you know they're saying ily" ♡

synopsis. scenarios or headcannons of mine about what they do to say ily, or u can see this as relationship hcs smh smh

warnings. none, other than kissing (ew)

author's note. im alive?!?! and posting?!?! woahh (send requests plss), yes i wrote everyone their own little paragraph. HELP ME THIS ALSO LOOKS LIKE THEIR LOVE LANGUAGES :( (it is basically)

pairings: most hsr characters x gn!reader (seperately:p, except bailu, hook, clara, yukong, and yanqing because i got lazy ><)

arlan acts out his love by his actions. constantly mentions and talks about that one quote that 'actions are louder than words.' and so they are! he always tries to yk, make you remember you feel loved. would like to just bring you around with him, or even vice versa, like i said before he doesn't seem too sociable, and usually just talking to people other than asta for business purposes, yet that differs when you help introduce him to other people.

tbh he'd probably like dates at home more than going out. like cuddling by the fireplace, just both of you covered in a blanket together cuddling near the warm fireplace like damn!

asta, oh this sweetheart!! she'd try to tell you with her words, all the time, that you are what she loves so much, and dearly!! the words 'i love you' are always constantly being said to you! and honestly she's just the kind of person to hold your hands, and put it on her chest, and tell you that she loves you to the moon and back. she just wants you to always know the way she loves you, is unlimited, and never ending. she wants you to always know that.

cmon, she would obviously stargaze with you for dates.. every weekend you both go out. to stargaze.

blade shows his love with his actions, i know he can't communicate that well with you, thinks its even luck finally on his side that you got with him, that you liked him back. that you loved him? just.. wow. you know? anyways, i just see him being the type to pull you in a little closer when his arm is around your waist, and you say something he agrees with! he's very touch starved, but that doesn't mean he can't be the one initiating the cuddles and shit!!!

just prefers dates at home, likes it when it's only the both of you that see each other in that moment. just likes it better yk?

bronya is the kind of woman to show it through gifts, and her words of praise? maybe an honest mix of everything? she's just really new to all of this so.. maybe just tries to give you everything she can. even if she doesn't always has time, she'll always be calling, texting, and sending gifts to you, even if you both are planets apart, she'll be constantly making sure you're okay with video calls and etc. besides, she's gonna miss you too much if she doesn't!

"hey hon.. it's like 2am.. is something up? anything bad that happened?" you asked bronya, as you look outside your window to see a dark sky, the moon covered by clouds. "i-- i'm sorry.. i just called to hear your voice. nothing bad happened.. i just really missed you." she says, while rubbing the back of her neck. "oh.. okay."

dan heng just that guy to be always giving his time to you. as much as he can, he'll bring you wherever he goes. as long as you want to too, but he always hopes that you do want too, because he isn't always gonna be on his phone to call or text you. so he thought it'd be easier to just bring you with him. and he'd put his life on the line just to protect you, so basically thinks you'll be fine travelling with him. but even if you don't wanna, he doesn't mind just waiting on the astral express with you and himeko..

similar to march 7th, he'd fill jars of little strips of paper of just compliments he's used on you before, or even square-ish paper filled with little doodles of you, or the both of you

fu xuan wants to show you she loves you with gifts, and her words. she speaks really fancy so she's gonna be using big words to describe how she loves you. or how exquisite you are. or how graceful you are when you fend off enemies. she thinks you're perfect, and deserving of the world. and she'll try her best to give 'the world' to you. honestly just seems like the type to whisper corny shit while you're sleeping. like 'i can't believe you're mine, and in my arms out of so many.'

would also stargaze, knows exactly when meteor showers will be, she's very factual when she talks about shooting stars, or meteors that pass by that look like shooting stars. she'll be busy ranting about how people think meteors that pass by are shooting stars, because no it isn't-- why does she feel soft lips on hers..? oh! you shut her up.. with a.. kiss.. now you got her cheeks red.

gepard likes to gift you little trinkets he finds around belobog or whatever planet. but he also would wanna gift his time as his best present to you. probably sets up the most romantic dates ever, with the help of serval of course! always asks big sis serval if this is good enough for you, or if you'll like this and that. seeing her little brother so in love makes her laugh a little too, but she's always more than happy to help.

tries to learn how march 7th did those little paper stars she gave to serval, has asked millions of times, so you decide to help him with the paper stars, not knowing he was learning for you..

herta.. would literally give you the world. but in all honesty she'd give words of praise, and i mean genuine words of praise. receiving real praise from THE herta?! and being her lover?! wow!! she doesn't really know what it means to love, and you probably would be her first, yet, she feels like you both have been in a relationship since forever. it kind of shocks her, sure she's seen, heck she's probably studied relationship for you to be with her! and it's nothing what she thought it'd be, never really.. prepared for the whole.. 'butterflies in your stomach' feeling..? the little warm tingly feeling, it really shocks her, but.. i guess in a good way.

would play cards against you, even thought she could very easily win against you, she doesn't, she lets you win most of the time, because she loves your expression when you win against her <3

himekooo!! oh himekoo <33 such a sweetheart!! i just know she's very good with her words! uses that to her advantage. takes every chance she can to fluster you! thinks whenever you cover your face with the palms of your hands all cuz she said a corny pickup line to you, she's in love with that!! she's all for it actually! lives for you being all flustered. she also remembers little things about you, little and big details. knows how you like your coffee, or if you like stuff like soda, etc.!!! it's just basic knowledge to her, like also what you're allergic to.

as soon as you come home, tea is ready for you, the bed is made, your favorite movie is on, fresh roses are in the pretty vase she gifted you before you both started dating. she just knows how you like everything, and is waiting for you with your favorite snack. ahh

jing yuan?? hmm.. i kind of see him as a mix of everything, like he'd give gifts very often, and his attention will be on you 24/7 too. and if you tell me and say he wouldn't be so smooth with his words.. like come on. there's so much i wanna say abt this cutie patootie. but yk.. if your gaze seems to last too long on a certain item while you both are walking around thoughh.. just know you'll be getting it that night later on, or even right now! and is another flirty sweetheart who lives for his s/o being flustered as hell!! that's srsly all i can say ykyk?!!?

"but i just need to finish this one stack of paperwork and i'll be free the rest of the week!--" you exclaim as jing yuan protests silently by carrying you up the stairs to your shared bedroom bridal style. "but i need you to cuddle me tonight though, besides, it is due in 2 weeks! just 1 break honey.." he says placing you down onto the bed, "fine fine.." you say as jing yuan jumps into bed onto your chest

kafka is another sweetie pie who's real flirty1!1!!!! and live laugh loves physical touch like ngl she always will be having her arm around your waist whenever she can! pickup line nerd, like i just know she knows every corny pickup line in existence. and lives for your flustered expression too! and would definitely shower you in kisses when she has the time!! 'oh honey.. you know i had such a day at workk..' she knows all the gossip, and will tell you. anyways! such a dear lover, wants to be with you 24/7, but not according to elio's script, she can't always be there with her baby..

"honey honey-- one more! one more! do you have a map?" kafka asks laughingly and she cuddles closer to you, phone in hand. "no i do not." a serious tone decorated in your voice, "because i got lost in your eyes!" your girlfriend laughs even harder, as you sigh, won't this be a long night.

luka bby&lt;33!! such a romantic sweetheart tbh... literally would love to drown you in praise. like it's just a telepathic feeling. probably likes skin-to-skin contact, both romantically, and sexually. like it's something he's so into bro i swear, and i kind of feel like or think that he never really gets a lot of hugs cuz of his arm, and ppl think his embrace would be like cold metal or whatever, AND THE HELL NO IT IS NOT?!?!? like please please please keep giving him cuddles, hugs, anything, keep loving him, tell him his hugs are so warm n stuff!!

outdoor dates!! big yes for him!! and as long as you wanna indulge into the mountains with him, he definitely will bring you to amazing places!

oh... luocha.. hahhahaaksdskdj.. this man is soo SMOOTHHHH WITH HIS WORDSSSS!!! such a physical man too sorry not sorry, such a sweetie pie hahaha...... sorry back to srs writing, he's very much a mix of everything, he could get gifts so extraordinary, like a bouquet of flowers of a species of flower that barely grows anymore, or even not in season that month. he gives the best cuddles ever, and his kisses are just so.. enticing!?!?! like very often as soon as he comes back from them long ahh expeditions, soft makeout sessions are a need for him.

yes yes yes. museum dates. or dates where he knows where your favorite flowers grow or even planting a garden together, but even if you don't like flowers, or are allergic, don't worry! an ordinary picnic with his favorite plant surrounding the place is quite alright!

march 7th!! she definitely has a fun way with her words! in a good way of course! and absolutely loves hugs, and hugging you. definitely loves cuddles too, physical touch is definitely one of her love languages. she just wants to compliment you while she gets to have you in her arms like damn <33?!?! she's just so in love with it, everything about you. almost losing the words to describe you, whether or not

march just that kind of lover to fill 2, 3, 4, and even 10 jars filled with paper stars of your favorite color!

natasha.. she's like the mommy to mommy issues idk.. oh but very loving i swear on my life. like if you tell me she wouldn't just loves to always have her arms around you, or her hand cupping your cheek to kiss you. very poetic, and romantic babe bro i swear, she the type to make a full on candlelit dinner for you, petals surrounding the path on the way to the dinnertable, she's a good cook promise!!

likes to just put your hair behind your ear whenever there's a stray strand on your face. like you both just in silence, while you look at something else, and she's just busy admiring you

pela omg such a cutie!?!?! probably so touch-starved too.. but she gives little gifts and her time as her way to love! really wants to give you the world, forehead kisses with her are very common, she loves to kiss you tbh! but her neck is very sensitive, give it a little kiss and she'll be as red as a tomato.

would definitely ask to draw portraits of each other, like both of you drawing or painting each other's faces on canvases! whether or not you're good at drawing, she doesn't care, just wants to laugh off the terrible art you both do <3

qingque!!!! honestly is also a touch-starved honey, like she doesn't show it off a lot, but she really needs just a hug. and also! likes to give gifts! probably very good at gifts! very creative with them! like even the box she wraps it in is so silly. oh but she likes to give you little pecks on the cheek ong!!

please. please. buy face paint and paint each other's face, like i just know she would love to do that with you!!!

sampo is a flirty jerk i swear. he flirts with you for the sake of seeing your pretty face getting flustered. and lives and breathes for pickup lines, they're either real creative, or them generic, CORNY ahh ones. loves giving you gifts, but he has.. maybe.. stole some of them.. JUST SOME OKAY!! oh but he can cook, like i think he can cook pretty well for himself! and can bake exquisitely, uses this talent when he needs a get-out-of-jail card, aka when he owes someone a favor.

just go bake with him honestly, like just a date at home where you two bake silly little cupcakes for each other, and decorate it with goofy candy.

like i've said on here before, seele would always use her words to let you remember that you're worth something to her. and worth a lot. you place a high value in her life, and she'd die a million times if it meant you wouldn't get hurt by anyone, not even a scar. she's a bit touch-starved, yes sure, she'll be a bit shy at first, but at some point, she will initiate the cuddling<3

i feel like belobog would have many festivals now that the underworld and the overworld are together as one now, and seele would always know exactly when all these festivals would be, and it always means the world to her when you tell her yes to go with her as her date, whenever you say yes, it reminds her of when you first said yes to being her s/o<3

AAAA SERVAL!!! she's so sweetheart real!! i just know she has her own skincare routine and would so do it on you too. she likes spending time with you as her way of saying i love you!! 24/7 sleep back hugs when you cook or bake!! she's an avid lover of skin-to-skin contact i promise! physical touch is another way she tries to kiss your scars better for you<33

i just know she holds both your hands when you both kiss, whether it'd be on your temple, your nose, your cheeks, or your lips, she always ends up holding both your palms or her hand on your cheek <33

silver wolf loves you as much as she loves her games, so she would always spend time with you in the arcade, everywhere she can bring you with her!! likes your hugs, but not when other people hug her, cuz why would she want others' hug when she can have yours, and only yours.

lets you win on purpose when you guys 1v1 each other in games, because she loves whenever your face starts to glow with happiness for winning against her

sushang likes to spend time with you too! she drags you to every end of the xianzhou luofu just to find all the good food at the food stalls!! knows almost all the kids that roam around the plaza tho, and both of you play with them by running around playing games like hide-n-seek! she likes to think that time is precious, and if she spends it on you, that means you're precious :0

would so make you buy a face painting kit and gather all the kids at the plaza to make them animals (as in painting their faces with their fave animal)

tingyun spends time with you, and sometimes even brings you along when she has work! besides yukong doesn't mind~ and of course, this wouldn't be a tingyun post of mine without me saying she would tease, and would love when you get flustered from her silly words!!!! and would love physical touch ngl?!?! like falls in love all over again when you cuddle her, now you get to see her red!

just always gets so flushed in the face whenever you both share a bed, specially when your relationship first started, and being a few months in, you both are stuck in a clichè romantical trope of sharing a bed, yeah she was joking about it in the start but-- she never thought it'd actually.. happen!!

stelle would like to bring you out on every trailblaze mission she's on, and would tell you how beautiful, or how amazing, and genuine you are for years, on end. just if that's something you're comfortable with, i know that something mutual between the two trailblazing twins, is that they're always asking if you're okay with anything that concerns you. wishes she could keep you in her arms forever though<3

she will take pictures through march's camera, or even her own phone very often, so she would always show you old photos of you, and i think stelle is a very good photographer, no bad photo in sight, it makes everyone she takes pictures of a literal photogenic model, looking at old photos is what really comforts her when you aren't with her <3

caelus <33 quite similar to his somewhat twin, if he can, he will bring you to all the planets he's gotta trailblaze, he can go on for centuries just talking about how cute you are, literally gets so caught off-guard when you start to get flustered from his words alone, and to be fair he would lowkey use very.. big words. not like the ones fu xuan does, but only uses them when he talks about you, like he'll go 'oh.. you are such a pulchritudinous person, you know?'

unlike stelle.. when he pictures anyone, its all bad photos. like most of his photos on his phone, it's all such bad pictures help me.. shows them off to everyone with a very loud laugh too cuz why not ?!?!?!!?! looking at old photos is also what he'd do with you, making you laugh is also his objective while at it, so doesn't show the ones he has of you. actually the ones he has of you are the only good ones!!

welt yang is a man of taste, and divine bro, he is such a romantic. is a definite mix of everything. like he'd be so good with his words, while he has good hand placement and stuff, then again his gifts are so well-thought of. but what about the way he hopes you crave his touch as much as he crave yours?

i think im about to blow guys

#hsr scenarios #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr x y/n #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail fluff #hsr fluff #hsr imagines #honkai star rail scenarios #star rail #star rail x y/n #star rail x reader #star rail x you #hsr blade x reader #blade x you #blade x reader #hsr blade #hsr jing yuan #jing yuan x reader #jing yuan x you #hsr gepard x reader #gepard x reader #gepard x you

[allthingsfangirl101]

The Bookworm and The Basketball Player – Steve Harrington

"Just go talk to him."

I jumped, involuntarily letting out a small shriek. I didn't recover before Steve came jogging over.

"Everything okay over here?" He asked, looking between me and Robin.

"We're fine, Harrington," Robin said, not looking away from me. "I just scared Y/N. My bad."

Steve glanced at me, his eyes softening. "So you're okay?" He asked me.

"Yeah," I said, my voice soft. "I'm fine, Steve."

Steve looked between me and Robin before clearing his throat and fixing his vest. He sent me one more look before going back to work. I turned toward Robin, the butterflies in my stomach disappearing when I saw her smirking at me.

"Please don't say anything," I whispered as I glanced at him walking into the back office. "I know how pathetic this is, okay? I know how sad and pathetic I'm being. Of course, the one guy in all of Hawkins that I happen to fall for is Steve Harrington."

"Y/N," Robin sighed but I was on a roll. I have been holding this in for too long.

"And what's worse is the fact that he would never be with someone like me. Before you give me the 'you're a great girl, why wouldn't he like you' speech, it's useless. There is nothing that you could say to convince me that I'm exactly the kind of girl he'd go for. I'm quiet, introverted, antisocial. The list goes on. I'd rather stay at home and watch a movie than go to a party. I'd rather drink a smoothie than a beer. I'd rather read a book than go to a high school basketball game. Trust me, I'm not the kind of girl Steve Harrington would fall for."

"If I could say just one thing," she said hesitantly. "The guy you're thinking about is the Steve Harrington from high school. He's not that kind of guy anymore, Y/N. He's changed."

"But I haven't."

Robin studied me. "That doesn't matter," she said, her voice dropping. "Y/N, Steve's a great guy. If you like him, you should tell him."

"Steve would never go for someone like me," I said, pushing down the pain. "So I might as well forget my feelings."

I grabbed the box of returns and started putting them back on the shelves. I tried to ignore the feeling in my stomach when I saw Steve walk over and start talking to Robin.

Robin didn't talk to me for the rest of our shift. Instead, she kept talking to Steve. That stupid feeling in my stomach kept coming back every time I looked at them talking to each other.

Robin and I are good friends. Robin and Steve are good friends. Me and Steve, however, act as if it's our first day working together.

At closing time, we went about our usual routine of closing up shop. Something about the smirk on Robin's face made me nervous for our shift together tomorrow.

* * * * *

I walked into the empty video store, not paying attention to who was already in the store. When I looked up and saw who was here, my breath got caught in my throat.

"Morning, Y/N."

"Morning, Steve," I stuttered. "I thought Robin was working the opening shift with me."

"She asked me yesterday if we could switch," he shrugged as he powered the computer on.

"Was this before or after. . ."

"Before or after what?" He asked when I didn't finish my question.

"Never mind," I said a little too quickly. I went into the back room and dropped off my bag. I pulled my vest on as I walked back out to the store.

"You okay with running the cash register?" Steve asked as I joined him behind the counter. "We got a shipment of new movies. The boxes are heavy so I figured it'd be easier for me to lug them around and unpack them than it would be for you."

"Okay," I said, picking at my nail polish.

"Not that you're not strong," Steve said quickly. "I just don't want you getting hurt while lifting and moving boxes around the store. I didn't mean to come off as sexist, Y/N. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I chuckled. "I didn't take it that way. Thanks though."

"Thanks?" He stuttered.

"For watching out for me," I said as I patted him on the shoulder and walked to the storage room to grab another box of candy.

When I walked back out, Steve was focused on unloading a box. I walked over to the counter and started putting the candy away. I moved on to checking in yesterday's returns. After I finished, I started putting them back on the shelves.

"Oh shit!"

I looked up in time to see Steve drop a box, instantly holding his back. I ran over and gently put my hand on his back.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said through his teeth. I glanced around to see the store empty.

"Come with me," I said. I grabbed his hand and kept my other hand on his lower back.

"But the store," he said, trying to hide his pain.

"Is empty," I finished. "Come on. The movies can sit alone long enough for us to make sure your back doesn't get worse."

He didn't argue as I led him to the employee lounge in the back. I helped him sit down and ran to the fridge.

"What are you. . ." He didn't finish his question because he tried to sit back.

"There's an ice pack somewhere in here. At least, I thought there was," I mumbled as I tried to find it.

"Since when have we had an icepack back here?"

"Since Robin kept dropping boxes on everyone's feet." My heart jumped into my throat when he laughed. I turned around with the ice pack in my hand but froze when Steve was suddenly right in front of me.

"Y/N," he whispered.

"What are you. . ."

He grabbed the ice pack out of my hand and tossed it onto the nearby table. He then grabbed my hands in his and intertwined our fingers.

"I heard you and Robin."

"You heard us?" I asked, not understanding. "I don't. . . You heard us when?"

"Yesterday," he answered causing my heart to jump into my throat.

"Yesterday," I said slowly. My eyes widened when I realized what he had heard. "Oh."

Steve stepped closer to me, his face inches from mine. I held my breath as he leaned down and delicately pressed his lips to mine. I let go of his hands and wrapped my arms around his neck as we deepened the kiss.

I broke the kiss when Steve let out a pained gasp. "I'm sorry," I stuttered. "I was getting you ice to help your back."

I let go of him and ran to the table. I quickly grabbed the ice and went back to him. He smiled at me as he grabbed my hand, moved it around his body, and placed the ice pack and my hand on his back.

"Much better," he whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Suddenly his smile dropped. "Y/N, can we talk about your conversation with Robin?"

"What about it?" I asked, looking away from his eyes. Steve used his free hand to lift my chin.

"The part where you thought that I would never be with someone like you," he said, his hand still holding my chin. "And the part where you said that there was nothing Robin could say to convince you that you're exactly the kind of girl I'd go for. Or the part where you listed off things you like to do, assuming I wouldn't like to do them too."

"I just. . . I can. . . I can't really explain," I finally got out. "But I'm not wrong. Why would our school's basketball star want to be with the school's bookworm?"

"Because he knows that she's so much more than that," Steve whispered. "And because she doesn't know the truth."

"What truth?"

"The truth that a certain basketball player often spent his lunches watching a certain bookworm who always spent her lunches sitting in the library by the window with her nose stuck in a book. Every. Single. Day. And the truth that the same basketball player wished he would've had the guts to ask out that bookworm. Or the truth that the only reason he didn't ask her out was because he never thought the bookworm would want to date someone with his low grades."

"Or the truth that the bookworm has a major crush on the basketball player even with his low grades," I blurted out.

Steve smiled as he pulled me closer. "Or the truth that the basketball player has a major crush on said bookworm."

Steve leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I smiled against his lips as I kissed him back.

"Y/N? Steve? Where the hell are you guys?"

"Crap," I whispered as we broke the kiss.

"We should go out there," Steve chuckled.

"You should stay here," I corrected. "I'll go handle Robin and the store."

I started to walk out, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me back into his chest.

"Before you go back," he said, "I need to ask you something."

"Okay," I said, trying to push down my sudden nerves.

"Will you go on a date with me?"

"Are you. . ."

"Yes," he chuckled. "The basketball player wants to buy the bookworm dinner and listen to her talk about her latest book and vent about the newest and worst movie adaptation of a beloved book."

"For the record," I said, my voice dropping, "the bookworm would be willing to sit and watch a basketball game with the basketball player just so she could spend time with him."

Steve was about to kiss me again but Robin came bursting through the door.

"There you two are," she sighed. "What the hell are you doing back here? Why is no one watching the store? Why are you holding the ice pack like that?"

"Steve threw out his back moving boxes," I said as I finally let go of the ice pack and wrapped my arms around myself.

Robin looked between the two of us with a knowing smirk. "Ohh," she elongated. "Gotcha. Well, I'm gonna go cover the store. You two. . ."

"Robin," Steve warned. "Shut up."

"Sorry," she chuckled. She sent me a wink and turned on her heel. Steve and I turned toward each other and laughed awkwardly.

"So, date tonight, bookworm?"

"Tonight works, basketball player."

#joe keery #joe keery imagines #steve harrington #stranger things #steve harrington imagines #steve x reader #original content

[danieyells]

Re: Towa's voicelines

@disassociationdive

I can go into that a little bit sure lol NOT SO MUCH CONSPIRACY THEORIES AS OBSERVATIONS BUT LET'S START WITH ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS YOU CAN LEARN ABOUT TOWA.

What do you mean we don't know his blood type.

They run health checks on everyone and you're telling me in the year he's been here they somehow haven't found out? They have everyone else's bloodtypes, firstyears included, but Towa's is unknown?? If anyone else had an unstated blood type it'd be a little less suspicious but like. . . .

Next, his stigma. He controls weather. That's like six powers in practice? I know he has an incantation because he has an audio clip of it in the files, but he uses it exclusively in his head so far and. . .i find it hard to believe he's always reciting it when it responds to his emotions? Like his instinctive response to any minor irritation is to recite his stigma in his head? Maybe that's just me but it seems unlikely?

He's also constantly running around and using it even in casual situations. The only other person who uses their stigma that much is Leo and that's because he's using it to spy on people. Towa just silently changes the weather for fun and because he's been angered or offended or Haru was hurt or Ren was mildly irritating or whatever. He causes whole snowstorms and lightning and rain showers at the drop of a hat. Most people don't even realize he's doing it and just blame the weird weather!

Not to mention that when he was gone for more than a day Jabberwock's nature was suddenly in chaos??? The waters dried up, the sky was dark, he's the only thing keeping that place kind of temperate.

So his control of weather understandably makes anomalies obey him--animals know not to fuck with nature. But in the undersea palace the anomalies didn't know that, he just. . . .

Jin would be jealous at how easily things just do what Towa tells them to. He just MAKES THEM SO INTIMIDATED THEY KNEEL BEFORE HIM AND STAY OUT OF HIS WAY. Young anomalies like Peekaboo and Calamari don't even need him to do anything around them before they feel scared of him--just having him nearby stresses them out sometimes afair? That's not him using his stigma. That's just him. Anomalies are just obedient to him and scared of him. Considering the weather responds to his emotions it's entirely possible the entire island anomaly Darkwick is on is scared of him and just changes patterns if he gets upset to try and get rid of his problems.

Speaking of the undersea palace, why can he smell Haru? Maybe I'm misremembering but even Taiga, the guy who eats people, never seems to suggest he has any scent awareness of them? Also they're underwater, several hallways away??? But he still smells him?????

And he just follows Haru's scent to him, down the halls, under the sea. . . .

Next. . .Towa's total lack of regard for the lives and wellbeing of others. When told that people went missing in a way that says they're almost definitely dead, he was happy. Haru had to tell him, no that's a bad thing. Based on his expression I'm not entirely sure he agrees.

Towa is clearly capable of self-determination. He has no problem whatsoever doing things without instruction. But if he doesn't want to do something he needs to be given an explanation he likes to comply. Even if it means saving the life of someone he cares about. You beg him with tears in your eyes to save everyone and he still thinks about it before deciding he'll do it. Even though he's the one who told you to ask him.

TRY GROVELING HARDER. HE LIKES IT WHEN THEY BEG. it has the feeling of 'i'll grant your wish but you have to wish for it' y'know? like a demon? remember when Taiga showed you his demon impression and did something similar?

Another thing relating to the wellbeing of people he enjoys. . .he adores Haru. He electrocutes animals that even remotely offend Haru let alone hurt him.

Also, he handles Haru with 0 delicacy despite his broken leg.

And when you're in the water and he sees Haru and wants to rescue him he drags you back under the water with 0 warning.

Another thing displayed there and that he mentions in his home screen lines. . .he can see near perfectly in the dark? That water is pitch black, you cannot see Haru down there, but he can.

The last thing is. . .he speak to animals and plants? He already has like three other powers--he can 1. see in the dark; 2. control weather and electricity(even able to use his ability UNDER WATER, making what I think was a cyclone that was so fast and sharp it started to cut apart anything caught in it? May have been astonishingly controlled lightning though. I assume his near-flight jumps are controlling the wind to carry him higher up and he can't also almost fly); and 3. anomalies are so intimidated by him even when he can't electrocute them that they obey him and kneel at his feet!--but on top of that he can also understand any living thing that isn't a human? Like he is the only one who's exhibited the ability to understand what plants and animals say. Haru even knows and says 'you're the only one who can do this, ask the Kraken for help'.

In his voicelines he mentions the tree telling him something about it waiting for a long time and crying. And he cries and hugs the tree too--he's more affected by the emotions of a tree than the wellbeing of his loved ones lmao

The tree must be connected to something important. Of note, the background with this particular tree is called "kibou" in the files. "Kibou" can mean either "hope/wish/aspiration" or "ruse/trick/deception" depending on the kanji used. the positive meaning of 'hope' is more common i think--but I wonder if the double meaning is intentional? maybe i'm reading into it too much.

apparently Towa spends a lot of time on this hill--to the point that he didn't go to the assembly where you were introduced. I assume he spends a lot of time talking to this tree. Maybe the tree knows what's going on too. Towa could be helping by way of the tree. . .but the tree could also be evil. Maybe someday we'll learn. Speaking of him not going to the assembly, when Haru mentions that you were there, Towa acts like he knows this, but Haru says he was on the hill and didn't attend. Towa proceeds to look confused, like it doesn't sound right to him that he wasn't there or wouldn't have had that information. Maybe the tree told him? Maybe he remembers things from other timelines too, like Taiga might???

The one thing that's suspicious but also not thanks to that Taiga's also got an inhuman feature is that his pupils are a non-human shape. They look more like goat or octopus eyes than human eyes(most likely meant to be goat since he eats so many flowers.) But since Taiga's got big pointy teeth for chompin' that may not be an issue. I don't think Taiga's suspicious for having inhuman features, so Towa's eyes don't really make me feel like they're a huge point of suspicion--aside from that they add suspicion when combined with everything else ofc.

SO THE TL;DR REASONS I FIND HIM SUSPICIOUS ARE LARGELY BECAUSE HE HAS AN IMBALANCED AMOUNT OF ABILITIES AND THEY AREN'T EVEN RELATED TO HIS ARTIFACT--AND THOSE ABILITIES ARE RELATED TO NATURE AND ANOMALIES. . .WHICH MAKE ME THINK HE'S NOT ACTUALLY A GHOUL, HE'S MORE OF A NATURAL ENTITY OR A DEMON OR SOMETHING. And perhaps his communication with plants and anomalies and animals is him communicating with who or whatever he's spying for--he might be able to pass along information that way.

A lot of it could be chalked up to mental illness just unique personality of course. But that doesn't explain why he's halfway to being nature incarnate.

Kaito is more believably suspicious imo because he exhibits connection to other aspects of the world in a somewhat suspicious way but like. . .Towa seems imbalanced in terms of power and abilities compared to everyone else. Everybody else gets one power and an artifact. Towa's got like 5, not including the bubble wand. And a lot of them are connected to nature.

However one could argue that his wish was to be closer to nature--and the demon took his ability to speak during the day(and perhaps took most of his empathy) in exchange for the ability to communicate with animals and plants. This is really very likely when you think about it. But it doesn't explain a few other things. Maybe he made multiple pacts or swallowed multiple demons? It'd be nice to learn someday.

Now to be fair!!! Moby, one of your teachers, is a humanoid tentacle horror anomaly who doesn't have human features so his facial expressions have to be portrayed via screen! So it's possible that Towa isn't a ghoul, he's a humanoid anomaly and he's allowed to be with the ghoul students instead and nobody explained that he's not an ex-human like everybody else--nobody seemed surprised by Professor Moby's apperance so 'anomalies as members of society' are probably somewhat normal at least by the time you're a second year. But. . .just. . .seems shady to me. Which is not a complaint i love shady characters and villains lol

BUT YEAH THOSE ARE MY LITTLE OBSERVATIONS ABOUT TOWA THAT MAKE ME SUSPECT THAT HEY MAYBE HE'S NOT HUMAN MAYBE SOMETHING'S UP. But also, thanks to the nature of that things here are anomalous to begin with, it's hard to say that these are for sure something to be suspicious over. Towa could just be insanely powerful. Maybe the demon he made a deal with was high ranking or something. Who knows. I really hope the game lasts long enough for us to find out lmao

#towa otonashi #tokyo debunker #danie yells at tokyo debunker #disassociationdive #MERELY A THEORY OF GAMES. #i love towa so much he's just got so much going on and it's like. . .okay some of this has to be important. #in particular the tree he talks to on that hill is kinda sus to me. that he can talk to the tree is sus. #actually i wonder if he talks to other plants or if it's just that tree or anomalies? #JUST. . .THERE'S A LOT GOING ON WITH TOWA.

[butchsophiewalten]

03/03/2024 Twitter Space Recap (1/2)

Martin & Kyle did a twitter space (with a late appearance of Eva) in the earliest hours of the day on the 3rd, here's a recap of what they talked about then:

-Kyle brings up that he wants to do a charity stream for the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund! He says Him, Martin, Coral, and Eva would be there playing Lethal Company. He says he plans to do this "sometime this month".

-Martin describes the 'Walten Dog Saga', saying that first the family got Carlitos, who was Sophie's dog, and everybody loved him, but then one day in 1968, they're playing and then Carlitos gets run over. And it's so tragic that they're like, 'no more dogs!', until one day in 1973 Jack runs into this homeless street dog and brings him home, and names him Jaimito, and they have him for a few months before he bites Edd's arm and "almost gives him rabies", so Jack just gives the dog to Susan, and the one week that she has this dog is like the worst week of her life. He pees everywhere, he tears up her furniture, and after a week of that he just peacefully dies while Susan is out of the house.

-Martin says that aspects of episode 5 are inspired by some of the leaked stuff he's seen from Joker 2. "It's a very fairy-tale, unreliable narrator kind of episode."

-Martin spitballs his "perfect idea for a Walten Files game", a PS1-style game where you work as a Bon's Burger's employee, "in the kitchen at 3am making burgers", fixing up orders to be delivered (by another employee, I'm assuming? He mentions 'a guy with a motorcycle', so I think this is what he means. Like pizza delivery.) He talks about how the supply closet would be on the other side of the restaurant, so whenever you run out of ingredients you'd have to walk all the way over there and back in the dark. He says it'd be really funny if there wasn't even anything supernatural in it.

-Martin talks about how it really bothers him when people say or imply that, because The Walten Files takes place in the time period it does, it would be more accurate or make more sense for his characters to be bigoted. He brings up a specific instance where someone asked him how the other BSI employees would treat Chris. "The point that this person was making is that it would make sense for the team to be racist, and I was like 'No, it doesn't make sense! That shouldn't happen, it shouldn't be a thing!'" He goes on to say... "And then it was shit like, [mockingly] 'Why are Sophie and Jenny a couple if it was the 1980s?' and it's like, gay people existed in the 1980s!"

"It's just like, just because something was the thing back then, doesn't mean the characters should do a very bad and harmful thing, y'know? It's a really stupid mindset, in my opinion."

-Kyle talks about this genuinely really funny Showstoppers Halloween special idea he had a long time ago, where the Showstoppers are really excited for the holiday, but for some reason Bon has never heard of Halloween before, and the other Showstoppers have to explain it to him, telling him about costumes and trick-or-treating and everything. And it culminates with them going up to somebody's doorstep to trick-or-treat, and all the Showstoppers are telling Bon that he should go first since he's the newbie, and when he knocks on the door some lady answers, going "Hello! How are-" and then she looks up in horror. And the shot reverses to show like a full, "hyper-realistic" Scary Animatronic Bon looming over to her, with a Text-To-Speech voice going "Trick.... Or.... Treat."

-Martin talks about his own funny showstoppers idea, where Bon, for some inexplicable reason, has the feeling that he is dying. and he spends the whole episode trying to make amends with people and be nice to his friends, like 'I don't hate you, Banny, I really care about you,' 'Boozoo, you can have Bon's Burgers when I'm gone, because you're my friend and I trust you,' etc. And at the end of the episode you find out he just had a tummy ache, and he was being really dramatic about it.

-After some related banter, Martin jokes that it'd be funny if Jack was at a table eating with the rest of the 'Bunny Smiles family', and out of the blue he goes, like, 'I've got a tummy ache! :(' in a really high-pitched voice. Eva, who had joined the space a while earlier, jokes that his normal voice is just him faking it, and the high-pitched voice is what he actually sounds like.

-They talk about various Godzilla movies for a while, and Martin brings up how he really enjoyed the way Minus One managed to connect the narrative between its human and its monster characters, and how that's something he thinks a lot of other monster movies and horror films fail to do.

"Y'know, it's funny, because when I wrote The Walten Files, I always had the idea that like, there are two parts of the story? Part one, which is like, the human drama, and Edd and Molly, and the crash. And then part two, which has more to do with the animatronics and the place itself. And you have this feeling where there's going to be a moment where those two parts connect and link to each other, and I think that's something you gotta have in, like, horror movies, where- it- you can't just like, make up characters, and just put them in the existing world and have them exist, and then just sit around waiting for the killer to appear, y'know?"

-Eva brings up an incident that's been happening in the Walten Files community on Twitter, where some people have been getting some flack over headcanoning members of The Showstoppers as Black. Martin gets really incensed talked about how much this bothers him, saying "I saw that, it's so fucking stupid. If you- It's just common sense! If you look at someone going 'Hey, I think this character would be Black, I headcanon this character as black,' and you go, like 'I'm not comfortable with that,' what the fuck do you mean? How? That's so weird! And that's what I'm saying, it's like, how does it effect the story in any way that would be negative to you? Like, the only way you would be against that, is if you were like, racist. And it's like, huh? And I think, a lot of people bring up the argument that, 'Ah, but this character is clearly intended to be White,' and it's like, who cares! Who gives a shit? Like, that's not, like a valid argument to go against someone for doing something like that. It would be very different if, for example, someone looked at Chris and went, like, 'What if he was White?', it's very different. The context of that is very different, than just headcanoning a character as Black, y'know? That's completely fine and normal. Why would you be against that, that's so weird."

"I find it even funnier, because, from what it looked like, it was because someone said they headcanon Sha as Black, and it's like, that makes so much sense! I mean, like, I think that if Sha had a human design, she'd definitely not- she wouldn't be white... again, if you're against headcanons like that, you- you're not welcome here."

-"We end this stream saying these few words: Headcanoning characters as people of color is great, supporting Palestine is great, uh, being a Zionist is Bad! Being a racist is bad! And if you like Godzilla: I will give you a kiss on the head. Muah!"

___ They ended up holding another Space much later the same day, which I've decided to cover in a separate post, because it's twice as long as this one, and a lot more of the conversation in it was Walten Files-Centric, so the recap will take way longer to write.

#the walten files #twitter space recap #I'm heading right to bed after posting this laalala #I promise I'll write the Big Long recap tomorrow... I can do it...

[squishysoftmonsters]

Triggers : Sexual Content/Themes [Mature +18 Minors /AgelessDNI]

💚Imagine catching a snake in a huge net within the dark rainforest. An anaconda of massive size stares into your eyes,as you approach the net. His tongue flitters against your hand as you stroke his snout and rub his neck. Expecting an attack,the anaconda doesn't. He stays calm,staring,his heavy breathing the only sound between you both.

Apparently,he was larger and stronger than you. A fragile human who could easily be crushed and eaten like a mouse or any small animal for the matter. Your physique would make a good chase for the snake,but it would be tiresome to drag 44 feet of muscle just to catch you.

You : I can't wait to report you to the team. The biggest anaconda to live. And not to mention,black with yellow rings and white speckles!

He eyed your figure up and down as you jubiliantly spoke,listening to the excited pumping of your heart.

You : Aren't you excited? You'll be famous!

You watched the anaconda get comfortable by stretching his lengthy form,net still upon him.

You : Are'nt you happy? Don't be sad. The team will just take your picture!

You kissed the snake's snout which was cold of course,and his response? Heavy breathing. Consoling the predator,you got in the net with him.

You : See,Now I can be with you.

You tried to call your team to tell them come to get you and the snake,but the phone had no signal. It was a rainforest,so it'd be normal for a phone or equipment not to respond. To worsen things,a downpour began. Luckily these were waterproof,but you and the snake however were not.

You : Great..Now my clothes are wet and there's nowhere to put them.

You groaned and lied against the snake's face,eventually falling asleep. The next morning you awoke with a yawn,clothes clinging to your form,and messy damp hair

Snake : Did you sleep well?

The snake's voice was clear,opposed to yesterday,which was only breathing.

You : Did you talk?

Snake : I did,love.

You : Ok..this is freaky.

Snake : You're not hallucinating. Look.

You giggled as his tongue tickled your face.

Snake : Your smell is delectible.

You were curious.

You : Of what?

Snake : Your soft,tender skin

You : I took a bath in advance before I came out here. So I guess the rainwater washed off the bug repellent.

Snake : I suppose.

You : It's useless keeping you in a net..No one will come and get me at this point.

While out of the net,you retrieved your hunting knife,to free the serpent,doing so.

Snake : This is a big discovery..are you sure?

You : Yes.

You freed the snake,and he yawned,proceeding to tickle your breasts as you removed your clothing.

You : Naughty snake..bad snake.

The snake giggled at your scolding,as he grew to like your kindness and lack of fear towards him.

Snake : Are you hungry?

The snake heard your stomach.

You : I think I got some food in my bag.

You bent over to retrieve food,and he tickled your nuggies with his flicking tongue

You : Stop you naughty snake!

Snake : Your form intrigues me. I like it very much.

You got a foot long hero in your bag,and decided to share it with the snake. After eating and drinking water,you stood upright

Snake : I love your form,and it's parts. Allow me to lick them.

It seemed the snake took delight in playing with your parts. You grew tired of telling him how naughty and bad he was,so you submitted to him,laying on the rainforest floor,allowing him to mess with every bit of you,tasting sniffing and licking. The snake loved your laughter,and how your face lit up whenever he'd tickle you or sniff you.💚

💚There will be another part added! Stay tuned. I researched transitions by surgical means before anything,and hope I got it right💚

#squishylovers #monster fucker #smut imagine #anaconda #trans #mtf trans #monster smut #monsterfucker #size difference

[fun-k-board]

If you could, Lackadaisy headcanons for a teen reader who wants to be part of the Lackadaisy Speakeasy. Maybe the reader likes the thrill

Pronouns used : None, no gendered terms.

Note(s) : When you say teen, I'm assuming young teen since 16-17 is not too far from Freckle and Ivy's age. Characterisation may not be accurate and criticism on how I portray them is very much appreciated.

Roark 'Rocky' Rickaby

Likes your spirit! Jokingly calls you the better cousin he never had which earns an eye roll from Freckle. I don't imagine you get out on missions much + it probably took ages to get in because you're fairly young, but when you do, it's chaos. If you get along with Rocky and even encourage his habits, then either the missions will fail or succeed but with broken limbs, at least three blown up buildings and a lot awkward explaining.

If you're not confident enough to say no and on the opposite spectrum, are sometimes the voice of reason, he calls you a mini Freckle and teases you about it constantly. I imagine he'd sort of becomes an elder brother figure regardless of what kind of a person you are, begging for Mitzi to let you stay even if you mess up often. You accept him for who he is, you're his friend, he wants you to still like him and he sees himself in you.

Rocky also gives you some sneaky sips of alcohol they get, hey, it isn't anything too much, and he compares it to church giving out wine which makes Freckle tremble in fear as his mother senses she needs to throw someone out a window. Besides, he worked hard to get it! Even if he was the one to screw the run around up, it's sharing and caring, friendship is very important.

Mitzi May

Has apprehensions about letting you join, it'd take convincing and by then she probably doesn't want to bring you on too many dangerous missions. Given how she is around Rocky, I don't think she'd be uncaring if you're similar to him. High spirits and an urge to please her, similar to the man in question, to her, you're a kid. She has trouble telling you no in a way that isn't tip toeing around the subject.

Even if you can also be useful and your begging is temptation straight from the snake, Mitzi will always tell others you're a kid and treat you like one, no matter if it's important or not in that situation. She feels horrible that you may not make it to the next day, but they're understaffed and need to get business up and running, Mitzi comes to think of you like her own after a while. Although, she wishes you weren't so eager to put your life on the life.

Ivy Pepper

I imagine she also loves your spirit, finds you adorable and will have the urge to become your friend, asking Mitzi to let you join and vouching for you. Ivy is also the only one to treat you on equal ground, even Rocky will just view you as a child in the end, but she tries viewing you as a friend first. This can he bad or good depending, but she doesn't want to pretend you're frail, this doesn't mean she won't crack down on you and be strict like an older sister.

Doesn't matter if you have two left feet and stumble, she will teach you to dance, you won't get out of it, and trust me when I tell you she's determined. The lessons consist of you stepping on her toes and laughing so hard you just fall on the ground.

Since she's fairly new to doing heavy jobs as well, only joining in as they are understaffed, she understands if you mess up sometimes and don't fully get what to do. Ivy was born into this life and teaches you the ropes that you wouldn't understand.

Calvin 'Freckle' McMurray

Uncomfortable to the max, he genuinely can't even look you in the eye for the longest time. He already had worries in joining himself, Ivy has been working in Lackadaisy for a long time, Rocky is... Uh, Rocky. But you? You're a literal teen who just likes the thrill of it, Freckle tries to be a good influence on your life and tells you not to join. Which he understands is incredibly hypocritical, but at the same time, he can't find it in himself to care about his hypocrisy too much.

Hopes to convince Mitzi to not put too much pressure on you, he is very attentive and any limp or struggle is met with a lecture that makes Rocky get flashbacks to Freckle's mother. Gets incredibly apologetic if you see him with guns and how insane he can be, regardless on how you feel, he's guilty that he may be influencing you badly.

Viktor Vasko

At first you thought he wanted you to die, an intense stare placed on you at all times with a smashed glass from his seemingly violent thoughts. But all he sees is a dumb kid, someone who needs to get out before this business kills you. He won't exactly be caring about it either, simply telling you that if you continue being reckless with your life, you will die. If you aren't careful? Maybe others you love.

It's worse if you end up bonding with him, even a little, he gets even angrier with those around you. He will not let you out of his sight if he can help it. Essentially? He's a very tough love guy, Viktor comes off as though he doesn't like you, which may be true on the surface, but deeeeeeeeep deeeeeeeeep down, he likes you a little. Maybe. Sometimes. Not often.

#Lackadaisy #calvin freckle mcmurray #lackadaisy freckle #calvin mcmurray #Freckle #lackadaisy x reader #rocky rickaby x reader #rocky rickaby #Mitzi May x reader #Ivy Pepper x reader #Calvin mcmurray x reader #Freckle x reader #Viktor x reader #Viktor Vasko x reader #viktor vasko #Mitzi May #Ivy Pepper #Lackadaisy Mitzi #Lackadaisy Ivy #Lackadaisy Rocky #Lackadaisy Viktor #Roark rickaby x reader #Lackadaisy roark rickaby #Lackadaisy x gn reader #Lackadaisy x gender neutral reader #Lackadaisy x gn!reader

[fluffydice]

I've mentioned it before, but I think I finally want to try and explain how I write the characters in my Saiki K fics. It's mostly for me because I love talking about writing and Saiki K, but maybe some of you will enjoy this, too.

I did Toritsuka because @akechi-gf mentioned wanting tips on writing his dialogue, but 1) I felt bad info-dumping on his post and 2) didn't quite answer the dialogue answer and jumped straight into characterization (Sorry! Hope this still helps you in some convoluted way, if you're willing to read it all LMAO)

Obviously, he's very aggressively horny. He and Aiura are probably one of the firsts to laugh over something that could be taken the wrong way. But I think it's his way of trying to connect with others. He might open a conversation with some odd, vaguely creepy comment on a girl with the intention of moving the subject to something else.

He's vulgar, though I don't consider him much of a swearer. Not when compared to Kuboyasu or maybe even Kaido.

I personally write him as someone who is very opinionated. If he thinks Saiki is being too passive, or in over his head, Toritsuka is going to tell him straight up. Even if he knows the other won't take it well.

That's a big part of their relationship, I feel: even if Toritsuka is the first to cower away from Saiki puffing out his chest, he's also the first to come bounding back. He's not a 'once burned, twice shy' kind of guy. He doesn't really hold grudges, and can't quite go through with threats. I think it's why Saiki puts up with him. Like Nendo, Toritsuka is very devoted.

If you want to portray him differently, that's alright, but I always feel that something people miss with all the Saiki K. characters is that most of them are genuine assholes. They're teenagers, and I feel Toritsuka exemplifies this best. He'll say hurtful things and fucking mean them. It doesn't make him a bad person, but he definitely doesn't have the same emotional regulation as...I was going to give an example but I don't know if any of the kids are good at that. Akechi, maybe.

And speaking of emotions, he's not the best with them. He understands them, sure, but he's not even remotely delicate. That means he'll back off easily when he thinks things are beyond him. If Saiki tells him to leave it alone, that's what he's going to do. He isn't a bad guy. Toritsuka doesn't want to actively make things worse.

And on that note, he's also really fucking whiny. I try really hard not to shy away from making characters unlikable in certain aspects. If they're annoying, make them annoying. If they're a jerk, then so be it. I don't like sacrificing personality for likability. I just make sure its balanced out by other things. Toritsuka, despite his faults, has a lot of things genuinely good about him. He has pure, unadulterated faith in people, a genuine desire to become a better person (after some nudging), has shown care toward his ghosts...there's definitely stuff there.

Toritsuka's world view is fucked up, point blank. The way he talks about women isn't right. If I wrote from his perspective, it'd probably include him objectifying them. But, depending on what period of his development he's in, he might be able to step back and acknowledge that what he's thinking isn't right. He's very capable of growing and changing. Even if he's reluctant with it, he starts being less self-centered and more willing to do things just because it's the right thing to do.

He has mommy and daddy issues up the fucking wall. I think it colors his interactions with the other psychickers (who are willing to keep him in check), especially Saiki (who mother-hens basically anything that moves). He needs guidance, even if it's a bit of bullying.

#i don't know what to tag this as #character voices #maybe #that'll do for now #holy shit I could tag this under three of my catagories #woah #saiki k #fluffy writes a fic #fluffy cooks a headcanon #fluffy writes an essay

[butmakeitgayblog]

CI ILY pt 3???? 🫢🫢🫢 I’m so excited. Can you share a little snippy to tide us over? 👀

Aight but only a small bit

//////////

Maybe I just love you that much…

The sentence bounces around your head in a way that makes your skull ache.

It scratches at your scalp and runs fingers down your neck, tickling itself along the notches of your spine and settles in a pool that makes your legs shake. It's a boulder that lodges itself just south of your larynx and strangles off any chance of a breath. 

You feel yourself stiffen. Feel your whole body fight the sudden urge to recoil from her hand that cradles your face, her thumb sweeping gentle arcs across your cheek and jaw.

Because why would she say that?

Why would she hold you so tenderly and say such a hateful word?

Why would she put that kind of shit on you when she knows the damage that fucking word does? You hate that word, because you know it's meaningless. Because it symbolizes every single thing bad in your past. That word is what people use to hurt you, to make you feel small and insignificant. That word is what people use to make you let your guard down right before they walk away. 

And you'd promised yourself a long time ago that you'd never fall for that again.

And she knows that. 

She knows it because you'd told her in a quiet moment of idiocy when it'd just been the two of you. When she'd looked so pretty sitting snug in your lap, with her head lazed on your shoulder and her hand cupping your breast while her lips did ungodly things to that spot that sits tucked just under your jaw. You'd been whispering some of your darkest secrets to each other between kisses. Been showing each other the ugliest pieces of yourself just for fun, and in that split second of weakness, you'd whispered the truth into the curls of her hair. 

You'd told her everything. That you don't think you can love. That you don't even know what the hell being in love means. That just the thought of someone you actually care about ever saying it tears you to pieces. 

So you hate the word almost as much as this feeling glowing red hot inside of you. And more than that, you hate her for making you feel it when she'd become a safe space for you.

Her head is on your chest as lounges half on top of you, and her hand feels like a white poker where it sits dangerously just above your heart. It swirls patterns of nonsense and scratches with nails still sticky with come. You're barely paying any attention to her you're so deep in your spiral, that when that hand slithers up to cup your cheek, you flinch.

If she notices, she doesn't show it. Instead just coaxes your chin to tip down to meet her. Eyes still closed and face relaxed like this somehow means nothing, she stretches her neck up and kisses you in a tangle of honey mushed lips. Sweet and pliant. Her tongue massages your own in strokes that are so lazy you wonder if you could fall asleep doing exactly this.

When she pulls back she watches you mentally run screaming from the room, despite you not being able to move a single muscle. Because a less jaded and more whimsical part of you knows hearts were never made to survive beating quite this violently. Never this fast. 

You're fairly certain none of this can be healthy. 

Your mouth opens to say something, anything, even though you truly have no idea what, but she leans in again and shushes you with another kiss. 

And another.

And another after that when you creak a sound like you might try to speak again. 

"Shhh. Don't. Don't," she murmurs between presses of her lips. Still lush and bruised from how intensely she'd kissed you while you'd fucked, and it's unsettling how it makes the knot inside your chest uncoil a little further.   

But it also makes your head feel like more of a wreck than it already is, and you can't seem to parcel out meaning to her words.

'Don't… what?'

"Don't think about it," she says as she pulls away from your lips, answering the thought you hadn't even realized you'd said out loud. You feel her nose brush against yours and the sheets rustle as she tucks in tighter to you. Her hand smoothes over your hip and you feel that little touch everywhere. "Just be with me."

"But you hate me."

She shrugs and smiles at you from her shared spot on the pillow. "Yeah."

"You've always hated me."

"Yeah," she laughs.

"Then how—"

"There's a thin between love and hate, Clarke. And you, infuriatingly, have always straddled it for me." 

There's no time time to put meaning into any of her less than illuminating summation, because she leans in and kisses you with something that distinctly tastes like the kind of fondness that had colored her words. It's languid and all lips, nothing demanding. Entirely giving. 

She pulls back when she tastes your frown and meets it with a grin. You open your mouth to cobble together some vague attempt at a biting remark for a chance at self preservation, only to feel her finger tap your nose in reprimand. "I said don't. You're trying very hard to ruin this, and I won't let you."

You grab her hand and fling it away from your face. "Stop doing that."

"Stop being stubborn."

"I'm not—"

"Mmm, are you sure about that?" 

You scowl at her sudden roll of laughter, and how she can never seem to resist making you feel like a goddamn dog in one way or another.

And see this, this is exactly why you hate her.

Or… whatever the hell it is that you feel for her.

She shakes her head at your silence. Like that was all the answer she needed. Her eyes make lazy loops around your face, her excursion calm. Adoring. "You can't help yourself, darling. It's Pavlovian with you."

And that— She— "Okay, you know what, Lexa? Fuck off."

You move to buck her off entirely, because the last thing you need after teetering so dangerously on the edge of a meltdown is to have her make you feel like an idiot, yet again. But as you swing your hips her hands find your wrists, her body rolling and bucking back into you as she mounts you in one fluid movement. 

You really need to remember to set her personal gym on fire one of these goddamn days.

The surprise attack has you thrusting up into her hips and she rocks into the feeling, letting her body ride the motion of it with a moaned gasp. She keeps her wits about her enough to pin your wrists to the head of the bed. To lock her knees around your waist and drop all her weight to rest on her ass. Her skirt fans out around the sides and, fuck, you feel the slick of her cunt leave a strip against your stomach through the drenched slip of her panties. 

Her fingers slide up your palms and slot between your own when she leans down and kisses your pout before you can argue. Not that you have the brain capacity in this position to even try. Her hair tickles across your shoulders as she deepens the kiss. Not the messy rush of tongue from before, just her lips on your lips, kissing you with a heart twisting intensity that leaves you sighing in her grasp.

It scares you half to death. 

But when she leans back she looks so serious. More serious and exquisitely vulnerable than you think you've ever seen her in your life, and something about seeing your own fear reflected back in her eyes makes you stop breathing, stop moving. Lying entirely limp.

Her throat bobs in a swallow as her eyes dart back and forth between yours. As though she's willing you to be as serious as she is. As though she needs you to be just as vulnerable in that moment too.

"I want you, Clarke—"

"I want you too," you cut in immediately because you have to, and you hope she knows just how much that is true. You've always wanted her. You've wanted this girl since the first time she swung her pretty little ass down the staircase of your penthouse.You want everything there is about her.

You want her smiles, and her pouty frowns, and all of her seriousness and all of her anger. You want her pride, lust, wrath, and her every single sin that lies in between. 

Everything about her is simply wonderful. And so deliciously terrible at the same time. It has you hooked. Has kept you hooked even after all this time. Being around her has the odd effect of making you feel better. It makes you feel whole, or as close to it as you've ever come, because she understands your every intricacy and compliments it with her own.

The thought of not having her keeps you up at night. The thought of not being at the center of every smile, of every glance from her eyes being toward someone who isn't you makes you feel violent. Reckless, cruel, and destructive. Because what if one day she sees someone who makes her never want to look back to you again?

How are you supposed to handle the idea of a someday when you don't get to have these stolen moments with her anymore?

So, yeah. Yeah, you fucking want her, and you don't understand how she doesn't see that. 

You just… You have no idea what to make of that wanting. 

And you sure as shit have no idea what to call it.

But she doesn't push for more than that anyway. She just nods like that's the only thing she needed to hear from you to begin with. Her hands flex and stretch your arms above you to the point of breaking. "Then don't think about it. Just be with me."

"Lexa—"

"I'm not asking for anything from you that you don't already want." Her words are clipped, like she's annoyed at your incompetence. Like she wishes you'd just shut up and figure out what she's known all along. Her eyes are infernos, never wavering, as she holds your gaze and sucks in a shaky breath. "Just be with me... You fucking idiot."

Somehow, that's the most soothing thing she's said in the last five minutes. 

You can't help the smile it brings to your lips. "Romantic."

"Were you hoping for flower petals?" 

The drollness of that answer makes your smile widen.

"Go fuck yourself, Lexa."

The lift of her brow sends the butterflies in your belly into a riot. "But, darling… I have you for that now."

//////////////

#anon #cruel intentions au #clexa