#it wont be the same experience because i wont be able to be so close to the stage | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

magicdyke · 1 year

Text

I wish that a lot of analysis of teru and mob weren't done within the confines of shipping them together, as it's distracting from the narrative about tsubomi driving mob's motivations overall; in all honesty i find it boring and uncreative to rip these characters of their context and feed a limited analysis of this series for the sake of temporary emotional satisfaction. I find it frustrating, because the entire series is spun around mob's adolescence and ultimately his ability to express and accept himself and his emotions, and overcome the fears he has built up regarding those things. Tsubomi is what sparks his entire character arc-- she's a huge part of the motivation he gets to improve himself every single day. He sees her and trusts her despite her initial impression to most people being that she's a jerk, because he understands and knows in his heart that she's strong-willed and focused. He admires her so greatly for her ability to live exactly as who she is and get what she wants from the world, and she represents every single thing that mob wants to become (something i feel is very transgender of him but i wont go into that right now). Mob's ENTIRE arc is centered around this one massive presence in his life that he's built up so so much, but because tsubomi is a female love interest, she is often disregarded in exchange for the gay ship of the week. She's an endlessly fascinating and unique character, and everything that he does to try and reach her is done of his own volition to better himself. Eventually he learns that pursuing a single person as the sole reason of self improvement isn't good for him, but she is the person that sparks his desire to get better and is the critical motivator of the series. However, I think that a lot of the same things can be said equally about teru. Personally i am of the opinion that teru is equally in love with mob as mob is tsubomi, and their motivations are the exact same. Mob to teru is someone that is unrelentingly kind, loved for who he is, a hard worker, very morally upright, and able to rely on others as they do them. Mob is everything that teru wants to be, and of course he admires that so deeply to the point of close obsession. All of this is so incredibly relatable to the experience of being a middle schooler: first loves (whether romantic or otherwise) are ones that completely change us as people. they form us into the beginning of ourselves, they're our first understandings of our interpersonal relationships and a very big foray into self awareness. Teru is so suddenly captured and affected by mob in a way that rocks him to his core. Of course mob becomes someone for whom he must chase after.

To take either of these ideas and start shipping them together, though, i find it kind of missing the point. romantic love is not always requited, and there's nothing you can really do about that except put in your best effort to be better for yourself and others around you, and keep moving forward with your life. Mob was never supposed to get the girl; it was supposed to show us that, no matter what hardships you will endure in your life interpersonally, there will always be people that love you to help you recover from them. You can always change and grow.

#idk this kind of rambled on and became a bit unintelligible but ive had these thoughts for a while #mp100 #long post #dont read this if you dont want spoilers as well #i dont take this all too seriously i am just thinking recreationally #mob

960 notes · View notes

legofemme · 4 months

Text

I have a lot of Thoughts wrt terastalization in the pokemon world and people. Mostly headcanons for fun and not anything serious . Gonna put em under a readmore bc its Long and bc theres spoilers for the end of sv in here 👍

Firstly: Tera crystal radiation and Terastalization itself

I headcanon that terastalization is some sort of magic radiation thing . A pokemons tera type is innate but can be changed (albeit rarely, and it takes a lot) and the terastalization process forces that to the front, making the pokemon appear more like its tera type. So like. In the pokemon world, i dont think terastalization looks like that . No big stupid hat. I think the pokemon just takes on some of the physical attributes of another pokemon that has the tera type as their main typing. So, my lapras has her tera type as steel. If i were to terastalize her, shed take on steel type attributes, maybe bisharp for example. Her fins would turn metallic like blades and her horn would get sharper. The shimmering sparkling of a terastalized pokemon is just residual tera energy hanging in the air like radiation particles in photos. However, these minor transformations and type changes take a lot of energy from both the pokemon and the tera orb. Hence only being able to terastalize once per battle and once per charge. Though i will say that i think that pokemon who consistently terastalize- like gym leader aces- will start to have those tera transformations stay in their normal forms

Secondly: Humans are pokemon.

This is hotly debated in the fandom and also within canon?? But. Imo humans are pokemon. The same way were animals. So it means. Every human has an innate tera type. As well. The only reason people dont notice and dont know is because 1: terastalizing like we see it can typically only be done with pokemon in pokeballs 2: even pokemon that terastalize outside of this dont do it for long (the random tera encounters) because again, it takes a lot of energy, and we can assume that wild pokemon have a trigger for terastalization the same way caught pokemon do. And, like other pokemon, humans will experience physical changes upon terastalizing

Thirdly: Area Zero

Using the radiation comparison is great for Area Zero where the air is described as being "weird". And you can see why when you get to the caves at the bottom of the area and see the massive tera crystals growing there. I think that area zero is the one place (with a couple of exceptions that are vaguely dlc spoilers, which i wont get into here) where humans can get close to- and actually- terastalize. With changes becoming more intense the deeper into the area you go . THAT SAID i have . Examples ♥️

1: at the top of area zero, where most of the crystals are still far away, you only feel mild tingling the same way someone would around a normal terastalized pokemon

2: going down towards the bottom is where things get Weird. Your skin would start to feel 'sparkly' And your eye color would change to match your tera type. Not smthn super noticeable but its There

3: in the cave itself your eyes Really change color and base body functions and instincts will shift to align with your tera typing. So, youre a grass tera youll want to be in the sun. If youre an ice tera you get cold to the touch, etc etc

4: at the bottom of the cave is where things get really fucky, and depending on how long youre down there you can start to see physical changes like fur/grass/metal growth, face shifting, etc etc. if youre in a building- like the lab stations or the massive lab itself- theres protection against the changes. But youll definitely start to see them if youre out with the giant crystals completely in the open

And a helpful little image guide ♥️

#vani verbals #i have More thoughts but those are dlc spoiler heavy so i figure this will do for now #idc if u . use these 4 anything but u shld @ me if u do bc i love to look at things ok. smiles #fun fact this is why i asked ppl what ice type id be. teehee

21 notes · View notes

tombfreak · 1 month

Note

Hi! I'd like to ask some questions about AsPD, as someone whose knowledge about it is limited to tumblr blogs, internet searches, and the DSM-5 criteria for it. The questions may come across as ignorant, but I do really want to understand it more and get educated ^^;

1. Your previous post about AsPD mentioned how a lot of people with AsPD experience guilt/remorse. Is this remorse the same as other people or different? Is it like, "I feel bad that my actions hurt somebody."?

2. I don't know how else to word this, but what kinds of emotions do you (and others with AsPD) experience...? Because there's posts saying that anger is possible, but they don't really mention happiness. Maybe I'm confusing the empathy part and emotions part together.

3. AsPD is about self-preservation, from my understanding, and I see different people talk about how they see others as property they have to take care of, or something that benefits them. So, I'm curious how "real" connections start to form between a regular person and someone with AsPD. How does a father with AsPD take care of his daughter, like what does he think and feel about it? Or how do you recognize that you're falling in love/fell in love?

I apologize again if these end up coming across as ignorant. Thank you again!

Hey thanks for the ask, I've been very preoccupied with other stuff so my bad for not getting around to this until now. Also never apologize for wanting to learn, there's absolutely no shame in ignorance of theres the intention of learning alongside it.

To answer your questions, (under the cut cuz its long):

1. Remorse/guilt in ASPD is another complex part of the disorder. Only 49% of people with ASPD do have remorse, and their experiences with will be completely dependent on the individual person. Most commonly, they will have their own type of remorse thats different than the non-antisocial remorse. It may be more associated with shame of getting caught, a fear of losing something that they value, or not wanting to be seen as a bad person, rather than genuinely feeling bad for causing others harm. Its most likely to stem from self-preservation and selfish desires rather than caring for the other person. But there is a possibility that someone with ASPD can experience genuine, prosocial, caring remorse and guilt for the harm they cause if the other criteria is met regardless of the presence of their guilt. There is a quote I like that goes "My guilt does not purify me". Antisocial behaviour is still antisocial behaviour even if you feel guilty about it.

To put it into perspective, I don't experience the 'normal' type of remorse for my actions. I rarely ever truly feel bad, or care. I feel bad for my friends if someone else hurt them, or if they're having a bad day because of something outside if my control, I'll care because I'm protective. But if they get hurt over something I did, no matter how close we are, I wont feel any remorse. I will only feel upset that they were being sensitive, or didn't see it from my side, or took things too seriously. Most of the time I will try to diffuse the situation and get things back to normal, but I absolutely hate apologizing for things I'm not actually sorry for so I either lie or beat around the bush.

2. Someone with ASPD can feel all the emotions someone without it can. It's a very common misunderstanding that we are cold, emotionless robots, because this stems from the Hollywood Psychopath trope. It is a common experience for people with ASPD, especially more extreme presentations, to not be able to understand the emotions they feel, and they do not feel comfortable with letting themselves feel things, or express it, which may come across as them not having any feelings. They may have been raised in an unstable environment where showing emotion was punishable or seen as weak. But some people with ASPD are completely capable of expressing, feeling, and understanding their emotions, especially further down the line in recovery.

Anger is a very common feeling that people with ASPD experience. The presence of this anger is seen in the DSM-5 criterion of "irritability and aggressiveness". But we are also able to feel happiness and sadness. A lot of the time, the emotions will be connected with the reward system in the brain, such as being happy that they got what they wanted, or disappointed that they wasted their time or things didn't go their way. ASPD has a lot of selfishness connected with it, as seen in the lack of care for others, "me vs the world" mindsets, and disregard for norms and boundaries. But we are still people, and a good amount of people with ASPD are able to just feel happy, sad, etc as any other person.

Empathy is the ability to feel for someone else, especially in terms of feeling sad/caring/bothered if someone else is sad. Lacking empathy is not a criteria for ASPD, but a lot of people with ASPD do lack empathy. There is also a common misconception that people with ASPD don't feel fear, which isn't true at all. Instead, they might act like they aren't scared to maintain an image of being untouchable, or their recklessness might get in the way of their ability to care if something is dangerous.

For me personally, I feel a very wide range of emotions from happiness, excitement, sadness, fear, worry, anger, disappointment, etc. Mostly, though, I am in a pretty neutral state and I try not to let myself feel my negative emotions for very long. I don't like to dwell on things as it feels like that gives it power over me, so I try to brush things off quickly if they make me upset in any way. If something is important to me though, I don't mind letting my feelings towards it stick around, because I view it as me still being in control, because I have the right to be upset. It's a bit nonsensical and doesn't really have the best logical behind it, but thats my experience with my emotions personally. It's different for everyone.

3. This is another one of those things where it completely depends on the person. ASPD is a social disorder, so interpersonal relationships are bound to have a strain on them. A lot of people with ASPD struggle to keep people around because people struggle to keep up with their antisocial behaviours. Having social dominance and respect is an important thing for a lot of people with ASPD if they want to have a foundation to build relationships on. They may need to feel like they're in control, or take a lot of time to develop trust with people enough to feel like they don't have to burn the bridge at the slightest hint of disrespect. For a parent with ASPD, they may view their child as an extension of themselves, or something to control and have power over, or something they need to protect, like a prized possession.

For me personally, I'm huge on respect and loyalty. If someone shows me they can give me a space where I don't have to feel like I have something to prove, or that I can let my guard down a bit, then I'll let myself form a friendship with them. I need some sort of leverage on a person before I can really let myself be friends with them though, so that if they fuck me over in any way then I'll be able to flip the power dynamic and settle the score. But I value what my friends offer me, which gives me room to value them as people instead of just viewing them as some TV character or tool to benefit me, and I am very loyal and protective towards my good friends.

I have had many relationships and friendships in the past that were entirely just for my own personal entertainment. I never understood why people would stay friends with someone who inconvenienced them in any way. For me, the moment someone stopped giving me what I wanted, or if there was the slightest hint of disrespect, I would burn that bridge and it would usually end very messily. (I have spent the past months working hard to overcome the mindset of viewing people on a scale of if they're worth my time or not, because I think its our job as human beings to love each other without stopping to wonder if they're worth it.)

My girlfriend on the otherhand though is my "exception person", my prized possession but humanized in my mind. She is the most important person in my life, and I care for her in ways I'm not able to with anyone else, not even myself. I let her into my life because she was the one person who never judged me, or treated me like a bad person or a problem. She always offered me a space to make mistakes, and still gave me support regardless, and was always there for me to lean back on. I realized I loved her because whenever our relationship got rocky and we broke up, it hurt. I've always been the type to cut someone off for the smallest thing without batting an eye, but I was stubborn with my girlfriend and desperately did not want to lose her. I used to write her letters and shit trying to express my feelings that I never sent her 💀.

She's the only person I really listen to because she's proven to me time and time again that I can trust her judgment. Over the four years we've been together, she has proven to me that she is dependable, loyal, and that she has my back no matter what. That is a type of person I cherish and care to keep around. All of the people in my life that I value are ones that have proven to me they're worth my time and effort and that I can count on them to be loyal ride or dies.

Hope this answered your questions there and cleared some things up :] It's important to remember how complex ASPD is and how different it can present in different people. One persons experience wont apply to every single person with ASPD, and even with common experiences there are outliers to acknowledge as well

#aspd #cluster b #psychology #actually aspd #antisocial personality disorder #aspd things #cluster b pds #personality disorder #aspd awareness #aspd positivity

13 notes · View notes

friendlyengie · 8 months

Note

Heyo thought I’d drop some random tf2 hcs and stuff cause of ur post :D

- scout and Pyro get along really well and scout will draw for pyro. Scout likes them cause he seems to actually listen to scout talk

- Engineer is pretty oblivious when it comes to people having feelings for him and hes (kinda accidentally) decent at flirting tho

- Engineer is like a father figure to scout and it makes spy really jealous lol

- Demo is really good at karaoke

- Since spy is good at finding this out about people based on body language etc. he knows exactly who has crushes on who in the base and he thinks it’s SO OBVIOUS but it’s not to the rest of them and he’s really close to just screaming at everyone that they’re blind and to just kiss already. He’s just forced to watch all these pining idiots dance around each other and he hates it

- Heavy and Medic have a book club that is just the two of them

- Scout would be a good dad later in life if he had a kid

ohohhoho interesting. Cracks my knuckles.

-scout and pyro friendship truther until I DIE. I find the idea of scout going from being terrified of this weird “thing” to just being besties with Pyro kind of hilarious. I think they can both do art pretty well actually! I like to think they run around towns and do graffiti together.

-Nodding at this. I also think it helps that (to me) hes naturally very friendly and polite because of how he was raised and like half of the people on his team havent heard anything nice from another human being since they were actual children (if that.) Is he good at flirting or are your standards dangerously low? Is it both? Great question!

-Ive always seen engineer as more of a low-maintenance uncle figure to scout If That. They’re just kind of a pretty standard close older dude with a lot of life experience and younger dude with fuck all going on friendship to me. and tbh ive never. Really been able to get behind the idea of spy being “jealous” of any sort of relationship Scout has with other mercs. Whether it’s him being weirded out by father standins or judgemental of potential partners. I don’t think he doesn’t have a weird relationship with seeing scout bond with the other mercs but i feel like it’s just sort of. Idk. A little more of a unique issue for him.

-Accepted. Though i think “good” for him ranges from “genuinely good singing” to “loud, overconfident, and having a great time getting half of the lyrics wrong.”

-As much as I think it would be fun if spy was surprisingly emotionally dense, i cant deny his canonical skills in that sort of field. That’s like. His whole game. I think his approach to trying to help anyone with romance is “he wont unless youre prepared to basically just inflate his ego for the sake of a few tips.” A la expiration date.

-no doubt in my mind that heavy and medic dont agree with a single thing that the other gleams from reading books. Said with love. They will argue about meanings and subtext and the value of interpretation until it sounds like someone’s about to file for divorce and then end with “so same time next week ^_^?”

-I will be so honest with you. I do not know if i could ever see scout being a father, much less a good one NDGSKHJDKNJJ.

Actually . Hm. Thinking about it. I could. SEE it in a sense. I think he would have some good steps to go off of because of his Mom. Unsure of how good his ma’s parenting was but she at least was very caring toward her kids. He’d have that. But i think he’d have to be a lot more emotionally mature to be able to process how his own current issues with dads and fatherhood would healthily translate into being a dad himself. I could see him being really laid back and maybe a little too “im not just your parent, im your friend,” and any hypothetical kid he has would Not take his ass seriously. I think having to parent a teenager would kill him.

#tf2 #asks #The Clown Speaks

44 notes · View notes

roseworth · 8 months

Note

pls elaborate on ur dream outlaws team im entranced 🥺

blushes and twirls my hair 🥰 im so glad u asked

basically its jason rose lorena connor & kara. and its exactly as messy as it sounds

so first of all one reason i like these 5 is that there is representation across the spectrum of thoughts on killing. jason kills (relatively) often, rose kills very deliberately and not as much as jason, lorena (to me) is willing to kill but doesnt really do it, kara wont kill but may step aside and let someone else kill if she thinks they deserve it, and connor wont kill and doesnt like it if anyone else kills

also in my head this is NOT red hood and the outlaws. its just outlaws. because connor's in charge. i dont think any of them have any leadership skills (lmao) but connor is so much more able to rein them in than anyone else, and everyone likes him so hes a neutral party to be a "leader"

heres where im gonna get annoying and go over everyones individual dynamic with each other:

jason & rose: i literally talk about these two like once a day so im sure you can guess but theyre toxic besties. if one of them gets into a fight then the other joins. theyre haters together and theyre also both the worst ever

connor & jason: i dont think connor would ever hold a grudge so he doesnt hate jason for kidnapping his sister and blowing her up. HOWEVER. hes certainly not happy about it. jason respects connor as a hero so he doesnt deliberately try to get on his nerves, and connor is just a good person so he usually wont cause problems. but he doesnt like jason (for the mia thing and the fact that hes. yk. awful) so theyre not exactly chummy. but because of jason respecting connor he wouldnt kill in front of him

kara & connor: theyre close given that theyre the "Heroes" on the team. like,, theyre all good but kara and connor are the ones that are unequivocal Good Guys since they dont kill and they have the family name n all. i think they would bond over carrying on a legacy (connor as ga after ollie died, kara with krypton in general) and they'd get along rly well

lorena & kara: LESBIANS. listen to me. they both have the same experience of having their whole life destroyed and their family dead, then coming out of that experience and immediately choosing to be a hero and help their new world. lorenakara is my best rarepair in the sense that they've never interacted but i KNOW if they did they would be gfs. theyre parallels of each other. i think that both of them (especially kara) would be so excited to have someone with such a similar experience that knows how it feels. they should fall in love

jason & lorena: she likes him (mostly) but he wouldnt like her at first. he would be annoyed by her at first bc she tends to be upbeat and he would get tired of that. BUT eventually she grows on him bc shes not naive shes just being positive bc what else can you do!!! she had a normal childhood for the first 17 or so years of her life so i think he would find it hard to relate to her (but also everyone else on the team has that problem bc. none of them had normal childhoods) but they'd be friends after a while, esp after he saw her in one of her "im so pissed off im gonna beat someone up about it" moments

kara & jason: she doesnt like him. pretty much just because hes an asshole, no personal grudge besides him being him. kara's not really willing to let it go when someones rude to her and jason is rude to everyone. they'd get into fights a lot bc theyre both stubborn and will not let anything go, and they usually have opposing viewpoints so it does not go well

rose & kara: rose hates women! she has never gotten along with another female character and shes not starting now. rose & kara would have a lot of the same problems that jason & kara do, in that theyre both stubborn and rose will go out of her way to pick fights with her. a big problem that rose would have is that she doesnt trust people and she doesnt like not having control, so having a kryptonian around would make her uncomfortable given that if kara decided to kill all of them rose knows she couldnt do anything about it. so shes very wary of kara and a little threatened, so when she gets nervous she gets meaner (<- cop car by mitski). i dont think kara would have a big problem with rose other than that rose keeps being mean to her. eventually they would get along better though :)

connor & rose: im sorry in advance for acknowledging connor in robin 2021. but these two met on lazarus island and sorta became friends so they would still be getting along here! he understands her pretty well and obv still tries to stop her from killing but they work well together <3 i also think that connor would try so hard to get rose to like. take care of her mental health. and be emotionally open. it wont always work but he'll still try

lorena & connor: honestly. this is the only combo that i have 0 thoughts on hkjafhadjfhf i dont think that they have personalities that would specifically connect or clash with each other. they'd get along but theyre also kinda just people that happen to be on the same team fhakjfhadjfk theres not a lot that just the two of them can use to relate to each other

rose & lorena: rose still hates women!!! rose would like lorena more than she likes kara, but they would still bicker all the time. tho their fighting would be more ribbing each other instead of actually being antagonistic, then moving on to heckling other people. basically ideal lorena & rose dynamic is statler & waldorf

uh oh shes moving onto trios now (not every possibility though fhajdfhsadk just my favs hehe)

jason & rose & lorena: uh oh the moral compass is gone! someones gonna die! these three are all haters and are willing to kill so bad things will happen when its just the three of them

lorena & rose & kara: they would have the most catastrophic girls' night in existence and it would be so fucking funny i need it

connor & jason & rose: basically the angel & devil on rose's shoulders. i also think that this trio would give connor the worst experience of his life

connor & kara & jason: pretty much the opposite of the previous one. honestly funnier to me that jason would be having a terrible day because kara and connor are essentially taking turns stopping him from doing whatever he wants to do

so thats the gist of their dynamics <333 in my head the team is in calfornia (and also we're pretending california is only like a mile long bc star city is in NorCal and san diego is in SoCal but i need them to be right next to each other so connor and lorena are in the same area hfjakfakdafh) which also means that jason would get to be pissy about it since hes out of gotham and out of his element

i also have arcs i made for all of it. that i wont go into detail about bc ill get embarrassed about how much ive thought about it hfksjdfhasdjkf but the big picture is all of them struggling with loneliness then coming together and all hating each other a little but still working well as a team. then eventually jason goes back to gotham bc he hates being away from it, lorena dies, kara kills someone then goes into a guilt-fueled self-exile, then its just rose & connor going hm. what now. rose has a breakdown because everyone left and connor is trying to stop her from becoming the joker

actually i am gonna talk about lorena because i have thought so much about how i would put her back into canon. first of all i would say that sub diego has just been there the whole time but everyone forgot about it :( lorena is basically the sole protector of sub diego since arthur left a long time ago and there are no cops or other heroes there. also everyone in sub diego doesnt like her (mostly because shes the only one that can go to the surface so theres a lot of people bitter about that). she spends most of her time underwater but she comes up because there are various problems making their way to sub diego, then she joins the team to have other people around while still looking out for the best interest of her city. also i decided that the way she finds out she can breathe above water is too boring so what happens instead is that she swims to the surface as a suicide attempt the realizes that she wants to live right as she goes above water but its too late but then its not bc omg she can breathe air!!!

alright i think thats all i have. if u read all of this...... im sorry. i dont think any of it is actually coherent its just my stream of consciousness directly onto the page

#as im rereading this post. the funniest part is where i say 'im too embarrassed to go into detail 🥺'#as if i didnt go into an embarrassing amount of detail in the 10 paragraphs before it #*ben wyatt voice* do you think a depressed person could make THIS

23 notes · View notes

the-sleepysiren · 4 months

Text

Happy new years!

This year I have been more active on art and ngl im very happy with its journey and out come of it so far! I am also gonna use this opportunity to talk a bit about this year Last few months have been very though on me mentally, a lot of close call's and mistakes we're made but i have come out of them alive - im pretty happy im still around.

The new blog has helped with the inspiration and the friends ive made are very dear to me - I've been wanting to tackle horror/darker themes for a while so im glad i caved and made No ones city bcs its been helping with experimenting and the inspiration itself!

Im not sure yet if I would like to head back to Darla because once again i feel nothing for it or am pretty unhappy with it - either i can try again to rewrite it or do something else with it but Im letting you all know im not returning to it anytime soon maybe after I finally get my pills I will feel something for it.(I can always migrate Darla and cast into Monarchs blog not sure)

I've been getting okay income through commission which makes me feel over moon(at same time very conflicted) because I have always wanted to work only with art and now that i am mostly it makes me happy to see people actually interested in it! And I honestly wouldnt be able to without the people's help and their kind actions! I love seeing the different stuff people commission me - I always find it very fun to work with them! Im self employed as you all know and Im happy to not anymore worry or stress i wont be able to pay for groceries or the phone bill on my part!

Im not sure if I have written everything I would like to say because usually when I do sit down and want to talk all the words just leave me and i look like a fish out of whatever and very lost.

Just thank you for everything - I dont say this often as I should, but thank you it means a lot to me trully

11 notes · View notes

walnut-tankerabogus · 1 year

Text

BINDER PSA

Ok my dudes, here is your reminder to clean your binder, even if you haven’t worn it for a while, and even more so if you have been!

I haven’t worn either of my binders for about 6 months due to it being colder outside and being able to layer up, however its getting warmer and i decided it may be getting time to ware them again. (Context due to sensory issues I’m very weird about wearing clothes that have sat somewhere for a long time close to my skin, they feel like they get a film of dust or something on them and in the past i have gotten rashes from bedsheets that sat in a drawer for too long so i like to play it safe.) I cleaned them before i put them away for the winter but obviously not well enough as my garment clean freak ass washed them again before use and the water that came out was fucking beige! Im probably embarrassing myself by saying this but i feel like i can make this into a learning experience.

I know some people cant reliably clean their binders due to unsupportive family or maybe your mental health is just down the toilet and you haven’t been able to do upkeep on your binder. But please please wash them when you can. When i wear mine i wash them regularly and even then after sitting in a draw unused mine were still not clean despite looking clean.

These garments sit right on your skin and could lead to skin irritation and other issues if not taken care of properly, and they can still look and smell clean even if they are not. I know its hard for people within certain situations to clean them but please please find a way to do it at least semi regularly, weather that means setting calendar reminders every week, or taking the chance to clean them when your parents aren’t home for the day, or even taking it to a friends house where it would be possible to wash it and do it there.

If you are unsure of how to wash your binders there are plenty of explanations online and where ever you got your binder from will probably have a page on their site dedicated to it, but the way i do it (that is similar, though not the same, to how its described by spectrum outfitters, which is where i purchased both of my binders from) is as follows:

You will need:

A sink or washing up bowl (a washing up bowl is good because if your unexpectedly interrupted you can kinda temporarily whisk the thing away to a safe location)

Access to a faucet/tap and a drain (already taken care of if youre using a sink or are in a bathroom)

Laundry detergent, not much, maybe half a cap at most.

A clean towel

About 45 minutes (minus drying time, but you can probably put your binders somewhere safe to dry if thats a concern)

Steps:

Clean the washing up bowl/sink/whatever you’re going to be cleaning your binder in, this is an important step that can easily be forgotten about!

Fill your washing up bowl with lukewarm water, half way is probably fine, you dont want it too shallow but at the same time your binder will probably float slightly no mater how deep the water is, just make sure its submergible.

Put in your detergent and swill it around a bit so you know it’s incorporated into the water instead of just sitting at the bottom (a good way of doing this is actually pouring it into the water stream as you’re filling up the tub because it properly incorporates it but it can be a bit finicky to do.)

Next is to put your binder into the water and pretend to be a ye olde washer woman for at least 2 minutes. You want to agitate the fibres and make sure the fabric is fully saturated with the water and detergent, you can kinda go wild with this stage as long as it wont damage the binder. swish the binder about, un-submerge and re-submerge it, spin it around in the water, go hog wild! Make sure you get an arm work out from it!

After swishing it around let it sit for 30-35 minutes, this is where the magic happens and all the dirt actually loosens off and gets off the thing.

After letting it sit empty out the bowl and refill it with clean water, rinse off your binder, do this enough times until any residue from the detergent is gone.

Once you do that press it flat in a towel to get most of the water out, if you do it well enough it shouldn’t be dripping and you can hang it up to dry somewhere.

I hope this helps people with looking after their binders, i will now see myself out and keep on being cringe.

#binder #binder care #trans #transgender #trans ftm #ftm #ftnb #nonbinary #trans ftnb #this is a weird addition to my blog but i feel it needs to be said

39 notes · View notes

beauleifu · 2 years

Text

Since its 2am and I feeling the sadness coming along, take this mayor x depressed!reader oneshot. If you want lmao

TW before hand this will contain depressing scenes/thought processes that might trigger you emotionally or something. Y'know I understood why people get triggered over sensitive topics but I had yet to experience it for myself so really all i could do was sympathize with them but like ten minutes ago I had a fucking panic attack cause I saw SH! scars and went into a fit like damn thats NEVER happened before the guilt must be finally knocking at the door, took it long enough

this story wont contain those topics but it will contain things like self degrading/loathing. So tread carefully and stay safe

also dont worry 'bout me lovelies lmao everyone has their flop days

Roughly 1.8k oneshot, hope you enjoy!

<3 <3 <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MAYOR X DEPRESSED!READER

Lego Monkie Kid

Context: It came back tonight. It always comes back. You don't think this pain will ever leave you, but maybe someone thinks otherwise. He's trying. You just wanna be happy.

TW: Depression, language

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Go to sleep. Go to fucking sleep.

You stare at the wall; it's blank, possessing no interesting features whatsoever that could give you reason to even spare it a glance. But your eyes don't stray from that wall.

Sleep.

No. You can't.

There's nothing good in dreaming lately. No peace has come out of closing your eyes, nothing but tears and emptiness and cold. It's so cold. Your heart is gone; it its place, a small hole. Black, unfeeling. Cold. Small, because your heart was never really full, anyways.

It was never able to encompass the emotions of a normal, stable human.

That in itself is so, so wrong.

Your lip trembles.

Hands gripping the sheets underneath you tightly, you suck in a sharp breath and hold it. You're disgusted at how your breathing quaked, how it trembled with pain.

Nothing is wrong. You don't know why you're sad and you can't bring yourself to ignore it.

Thoughts flood your brain. You don't want them.

They always say the same things. Always traitorous, dark thoughts, full of self inflicted torture and misery, because everything is always your fault. All of it, all the fucking time. There's no escape from the guilt.

The awful guilt.

You don't deserve to be happy. You know why you're sad now, why you're letting these feelings eat away at the wall you've put up. But the walls are laughing, whispering behind your back. They tell you things. Things you already know but you don't want to hear.

Ugly.

So pointless.

Please . . .

Why are you here.

Why.

Selfish.

Tears flood your eyes and the wall turns blurry. Not much has changed, it's still dull and it's still what you're staring at.

No one wants a selfish person, no one in the world.

You know exactly why you feel this way, now.

It's your fault. You did this to yourself and you're not stopping, you don't care that you're falling into the hole you're just letting yourself, letting the people around you down. Isn't that so selfish, isn't that why you're so alone?

People love you.

And yet you're doing all these things to yourself you're doing this to yourself you're disappointing them.

Why can't you be happy?

Why must you be so selfish as to continue hurting like this, and not raising a finger in objection? It's pointless, what you're doing. You are pointless.

You are the problem.

The tears come fast and hot, cascading down your face, staining your cheeks, your hands, the stuffed animal you have wedged between your arms. You can't bear to look at the world, at the ugly wall across the floor. You raise your arms, covering your face with shaking hands. A sharp, stuttering inhale is made, cutting through the silence like a white hot knife.

There's no point. You've lost. You can never get better.

Because you're you and you are the problem you are what people try to avoid you are the one causing all of this pain-

You sit there.

Trying your best to cry quietly.

The stuffed animal you grip provides little comfort. You're just begging for all of this to be over. Your hands are claws, wrapping your vision in a cage of sorrow.

Your face is wet, but the tears don't stop.

They drip down your chin, onto the mattress below. Your sobs are muffled by the padded cages; your hands, trembling as they move to try and calm yourself. Try to hug the stuffed animal tighter, try to cover your face so that all you see is black. Nothing helps. Nothing will ever help.

Burying your face in the fluff of the stuffed animal, you let out a soft, pain-filled moan.

Why are you here.

Why are you like this.

No one ever wants a selfish person.

Noise sounds. It's barely registered from the thoughts circling your brain, but its the sound of a door opening, slowly. The sound seems to draw what little you have left back to the real world.

Back out of the hole.

You stiffen, shoulders hunched, eyes widening slightly behind the warm bars. Your hands lower a tad, but you don't look up.

"(Y/N)?"

They always start with that. They always say your name.

The voice who'd used it sounds deep, honeyed even. Familiar, too, so much so that you realize who it is a moment later, and your heart skips a beat. But you don't look up. You don't want to face the Mayor, to let him know what is consuming you. The guilt is impossible to counter.

"Please leave . . ." You breathe, voice catching.

Stop it stop it-

You just want everything to stop.

The Mayor doesn't listen to your plea; immediately after you'd spoken, he walks forward. You don't notice his footsteps are light, laced with the intent to not startle you.

His movements have you looking up, suddenly. With a tear-streaked expression and wide, guilty eyes, you quickly back up on the bed, rash and sloppy. All the while, your gaze is glued to the Mayor as he approaches the bed, pace hesitating only when he'd saw you scramble backwards.

"N-No, go away, please-" You whisper, throat clogged with pain and sorrow. "P-Please-"

He stops, suddenly.

Glowing, white eyes searching your face, he tilts his head.

"Sweetheart . . . you're crying?"

"I-I'm not-" You suck in a shaky breath, whipping your head to the side so you don't have to look at the Mayor. So you don't have to feel so terrible. You woke him up. You're making him worry.

The wall is what bears your tear filled eyes, now.

You try to control your breathing, try to get a hold of yourself, but you didn't expect the Mayor to notice there's an issue and decide to investigate. An escape plan is nil. You're wrong you're wrong you're so fucking wrong-

Someone save you.

"I-I'm sorry," you say, voice so quiet it could've been passed off as the breeze.

Wide eyes locking with his, you let the tears fall "I-I'm so sorry!"

It's a heartbroken whisper, full of guilt and panic and pain all wrapped in three words that shatter whatever's left of the mental wall you'd built.

You need help.

You don't want to feel like this anymore.

The bed sinks under the Mayor's weight as he takes a seat.

"My love," he says. There's a gentle tinge to his voice, laced with worry and yet careful not to cause you any more panic or guilt. He knows. He knows exactly what is wrong just by reading your eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

You suck in a deep, shuddering breath, a wretched sob finding its way past your throat.

Then, you lower your head.

It's too much. You have too much to be sorry for.

"I-I hurt people," you choke out, hands wiping away tears. But more tears drip from your eyes and onto your fingers. "I can't . . . n-nothing helps, I-I'm just so useless . . . Why . . ?"

Why why why?

Why can't you just say something??

The cold, yet gentle hands holding your wrists suddenly slide to your face. The thumbs brush away the tears, then gently lift your head so the Mayor can look at you. So he can see what a mess you are, pick you apart down to the darkest thoughts circling your brain, and then try to help. He can try. He's trying.

"You're not useless," he murmurs, leaning close. Your eyes shut when he gently touches foreheads with you. "You're beautiful."

"N-No, I . . ."

"You ask why, my love? Why has the universe has put you in so many painful things?" The Mayor's eyes are half-lidded, studying your features as he frowns softly. "Because within your suffering there is beauty."

You hiccup, keeping your eyes closed as you try to control your breathing.

It isn't working.

You must look so stupid, unable to take a proper inhale.

"M-Mayor, please s-stop," you say, voice only a tad louder than before. You can't bear to look at him. "Please, I-I don't . . ."

Fingers sift through your hair; the Mayor shifts on the mattress, pressing his lips to the top of your head before gazing at your face once more. You crack your eyes open to stare dully at the sheets, vision blurry with tears that still trickle down your cheeks.

The Mayor then brushes his thumb over one of your eyes, a soothing motion that not only calms your aching heart a bit, but also brushes away the tears.

"You are not what your thoughts say you are."

You sniff wetly. "Hngh . . . I-I just . . ."

His head dips, trying to find your eyes. "Listen to me, sweetheart. You are a wonderful person, one of the few I've met on this wretched planet that actually seek out others' benefits rather than their own. I know it's difficult to fish out the good bits in yourself because society is keen to let you know about all the terrible parts of you. All the mistakes you've made."

The tears come back with a will. Sucking in a deep breath, you close your eyes.

"You mustn't listen to them, my love," the Mayor continues softly, somewhat insistent as he brushes away the tears. "You mustn't listen to those thoughts telling you of your sins. You are perfect in my eyes."

At that, you swallow.

"I wouldn't want anyone else," the bone demon says, tone fond as he locks eyes with you. "I love everything about you."

Your vision blurs once more.

All you see in the Mayor's eyes is love. No lies.

At that, you let out a sigh and lean forward. Throwing your arms around your lover', you bury your face into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent and letting your body relax. His shirt is quickly damp with your tears.

"I-I'm s-sorry-"

He shushes you gently, rubbing soothing circles in your back and murmuring in your ear. "It's all right. You're all right."

You hug him tighter. "I-I love you."

"I love you, too."

And that's all he needs to say. He lets you break down, lets you vent out your fears and your troubles, all of your emotions and thoughts. He holds you for as long as you need.

From within the comfort, you're allowed a small window to breathe. For a moment, you feel okay.

There's no way the dark thoughts will fade on the spot.

It's impossible to get better immediately.

But the Mayor offers to sleep with you tonight, and you are quick to accept.

The blankets feel safe with him close by. The world feels less cold with him so close, when he kisses you softly in the dark. It's easy to fall asleep with the Mayor's deep, soft voice lulling your eyes closed. It's quiet, and it's warm.

For now, you're safe.

You're all right.

71 notes · View notes

dani-fox · 9 months

Text

This is a big info dump on my TJ rewrite AU

I apologize in advance if there is any grammar or spelling errors. English is my first language I'm just extremely stupid. So politely please don't grammar police me __________________________________________________

Tj’s story is fairly the same from the original article/story.

Grew up under Mikell’s care n stuff along with his other siblings before getting sold out by the foundation by said older brother and becomes neglected by the foundation by abusing his healing ability. He is around the age of 14-15 and completely stops aging around this time. Making him physically 14-15 forever

TJ’s healing ability in my rewrite has been nerfed down from being able to cure anything to now only being able to cure wounds that can heal over time from small things like paper cuts to broken limbs. He can't cure mental or physical disabilities.

Another big change about the story is the sexual assault against TJ is taken out holy fuck that bit is unconfrible and I hate that part so much. I know there are horrible scp stories that do contain much worse content out there but writing a story about a child being SAed is fucked.

Another big change is that since TJ cant cure mental ailments he doesn't mentally regress into a 3 year old because of it rather he is childish on purpose. He is naturally childish and uses childish things as a coping mechanism from all the bullshit the foundation put him through. Also trying to make up the rest of his childhood the foundation, mostly Mikell, stole from him.

Speaking of the foundation fucking things up, The bone’s in TJ’s legs are messed up do to the bones and mussel being broken so many times that the mussled and bones healed weirdly to the point that they cant be fixed. This results in TJ being almost unable to walk so this results in him using medical equipment to help get around, his preferred choice are crutches / forearm crutches (the medical device he uses in the ref i made).

TJ has a huge dislike with skin to skin contact due to his ability to work like that. Due to this he wears long sleeve clothing and refuses to touch people if it involves the possibility of skin-to-skin contact.

TJ is closed off and shy to people, even before the foundation he was like this but the experience of the foundation simply made this part of TJ worce. He is more open to close family members like his older brother, Jack Ambrose, and close friends(i want to make him friends with 166/Meri because why not. I feel like they would be friends)

TJ has a dislike towards certain staff members. Some of the staff members were unnamed higher ups who abused TJ’s healing abilities. Dr.Gears because he is an unlovable old asshole of an old man, Dr.Alto Clef for just being a complete buttnugget to Dr.Ambrose, and certain family members like Mikel for putting him in the foundation’s care. Mikell is at the top of the ‘I hate you list’ to the point if Mikell ever tries to interact with Tj, it will simply result in TJ trying his best to ignore and even not look at Mikell. TJ wont forgive Mikel for what he's done. _____________________________________________________

This is all i have for now for the AU. I will try to post some more art once i get the urge to draw more SCP art. Right now, my mind is on Eddsworld art lol.

#scp foundation #scp 590 #SCP #TJ rewrite #scp au

8 notes · View notes

reallifemarvbruh · 28 days

Text

projects onto my favorite ship

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

seriously you should read this, this ones good

as much i as enjoy the disgustingness and sadness that comes with normal noncon, i think theres so much to be explored with sweet noncon.

especially with marvbruh.

it could be done in any scenario too, like imagine it in a kidnapped situation…

zebruh reassuring marvus over and over again that he wont hurt him, that he just loves him so much that he has to do this as he has his way with him.

he would probably ride him, having marvuses arms tied behind his back and his mouth taped over as zebruh awkwardly rocks back and forth on thick bulge.

his own indigo bulge is pathetically small so he wouldnt be able to do anything in that way if he wanted to.

i could imagine zebruh wiping away marvuses tears because, lets be honest, even the strongest man is gonna bawl his eyes out in a situation like this, but he would wipe them away as he apologizes over and over again, saying that hes so sorry he has to do this but theres no other way to get it through his head that they belong together and that hes so, so happy they can finally be together.

and the sex itself wouldnt even be enjoyable for anyone but zebruh, zebruhs lack of sexual skills and smoothness just make it completely unpleasant. the way he clumsily moves his hips and keeps a pretty jagged, awkward pace while continuing to ramble on about everything….its really just miserable.

despite zebruh being absolutely terrible at what hes doing, hed cum eventually, being completely overjoyed and ecstatic that he just came while riding his idol, flapping his hands with excitement. although noticing the other clearly did not have the same experience, seeing the look of dissatisfaction and pure fear on his face along with the purple tinted tear stains and messy makeup.

not to mention he wouldnt have came at all.

it would disappoint his kidnapper, but he wouldnt take offense to it, instead he would pull his bulge out while reassuring him that he didnt have to cum this time and that theres always next time….he understands this is all so new and different, he needs sometime to adjust.

zebruh would clean the two of them up as well, continuing to praise and love up on the highblood, giving him kisses and the most awkward aftercare you can think of.

zebruh isnt good at this by any means, so painfully unskilled that he even messes up aftercare. god, hes such a pathetic virgin.

but it wouldnt matter anyway, itd end with him having marvus all close to him and cuddled up- at this point having the poor man as tame as a lab rat while he continues to pamper him and take care of him poorly. hes not afraid of marvus doing anything to him or somehow getting out, marvus is a strong, resilient troll…but not tough enough to endure the mental and physical hell zebruh is putting him through even though compared to the purpleblood it seems like you could just throw him around like a rag doll.

it doesnt matter though.

all that matters is that he’s finally all his and only belongs to him, never to leave him again or have anyone else care and love him the way he does.

#tw noncon #tw unhealthy relationship #tw kidnapping #homestuck #hiveswap #hiveswap friendsim #marvbruh #marvus xoloto #zebruh codakk #zebruh x marvus #dead dove content #dead dove do not eat

4 notes · View notes

hekate1308 · 5 months

Text

And That Special Quiet On Christmas Morn, A Destiel Advent Calendar December 1

Masterpost

It was far from the first time Sam had asked Dean to accompany him to an auction. Came with him being a woodworker and knowing good furniture when he saw it. In truth, Dean would have preferred to gift him every single piece he needed for his office, but Sam was absolutely against that because “You need to make a profit, Dean” but since he was not ready to accept money from family, this was a compromise.

Plus, Sam hadn’t been able to say no to Dean making his desk, at least, and some of his clients and colleagues had actually asked for his number after seeing it, so…

Still, Sam wouldn’t be gainsaid when it came to certain topics, so here they were once more so he could get a new (well, old) cabinet.

Anyway, it also meant spending more time with his brother. And he was never going to say no to that.

“Say what you want” he couldn’t help but announce in the showroom, although he lowered his voice when he noticed several official-looking people around “but most of this is garbage.”

“I was thinking it might be, but that’s what I’ve got you for” Sam simply replied in the same tone.

They came across a desk where someone had decided to carve some… interesting decorations on the legs, and traded a glance. Sam struggled to keep decorum, being an ace lawyer and all, but Dean didn’t bother to hide his smile.

And that was when he happened to see the painting.

Now, normally when it came to these auctions or exhibitions or wherever Sam wanted to take him, he didn’t pay much attention to anything but the furniture. He knew why he was there, after all. But somehow, when he raised his head and noticed the painting, he was drawn to it.

Before he knew it, he was standing in front of the wall where it hung, staring at it.

Now that he was so close, all in all… it was nothing special. It was a painting of a man standing in a non-descript city. He had dark hair and blue eyes (very blue eyes – as his friend Crowley would have teased him, that was probably why Dean had noticed the piece of art in the first place) and the shine from the street lamp he stood under made it seem like he had a halo.

It was not a bad painting, as far as he could tell with his limited experience, but it probably wasn’t what one would have called a masterpiece either. Still, there was something about it…

“Dean?”

He turned his head to find Sam looking at him, clearly puzzled.

“I –“ he cleared his throat, having no idea how to explain, then gestured towards the wall. “Not bad, is it?”

Sam, who’d taken an art class in college (which Dean always held didn’t count for much because he had mostly done it to meet girls) turned his head and studied it. “I suppose not. Nothing to write home about, but…”

He shrugged. “I just thought it looked neat, is all.”

Sam nodded, apparently satisfied. “Come on; the auction is about to begin.”

---

The auction went as these things always did. There were the professionals, hoping to stock up their warehouses or stores; those pretentious ones who believed they knew what they were doing and might find a bargain; and normal people like Sam and Dean who were just looking for something they needed.

Sam got the cabinet they had been eying – naturally, he had to be persistent with his job – and sat back, clearly happy enough. Now they just had to wait out the rest of the auction.

Yet somehow, Dean grew more and more nervous the more time passed.

He didn’t know why until the painting – truly the painting, for he would late realize that for him, there really had only been one there, he wouldn’t have been able to describe any other that he had seen – was carried onto the stage.

He looked at it again. Well, he hoped whoever bought it would find a nice place to hang it up instead of locking it away in a safe, as some of those millionaires one heard about were wont to do…

He raised his hand without meaning to. Or rather, his hand went up when the auctioneer called out, clearly to Sam’s surprise.

He very resolutely did not look at his brother as he bid against a little old lady who seemed determined.

But suddenly Dean realized he was as well – more than that – he had to have the painting. It was meant for him.

In the end, he managed to bid 200 dollars – luckily he’d had a few big orders lately – and won.

He let his hand sink, still not catching Sam’s eyes.

What had just happened?

#my writings #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #advent calendar

5 notes · View notes

solardistress · 10 months

Text

nimona spoilers

i really love how he ended up accepting ber and her little weird things . like as soon as she demonstrated she could breathe fire he was like WOAH !!!! and she was like oh. … sorry about that . but instead of questioning her again like before he just shrugs it off because hey its just her . nothing more its just nimona and hes accepted shes a but weird and different and dangerous but that doesnt mean shes a bad person . shes just different and i like how they bond together they just get so accustomed to one another and dont treat each other as lesser but as equals because at their core theyre good people who just want to be with someone after being hated on and not being accepted by others . they have each other and that was beautiful . and im goijg to CRY AGAIN RIGHT AFTER I DRIED MY TEARS .

its becahse of this bond that shes able to turn back . because rven though they had a fight that hit really close to nimona (in a sense), she realized that hes like her in a way . that he knows what shes been though in his own way . never being accepted wanting to prove to others that theyre mot dangerous, that theyre good and can be trusted and can be with them . he sees her for who she is . not a monster . not a girl . for her . nimona . just nimona . and that touches her because what everyone else sees is a dangerous monster . or even just a girl . but no one (aside from oerhaps gloreth) got to know and see her for her .

AND IM GOING TK CRY . BECAHSE THAT HAVE SUCH A GOOD BOND AFTER TRUSTING EACH OTHER AND GETTING TO KNOW ECAH OTHER WHEN OTHERS WOULDNT . theyre such a dramatic shift in their fighting when we see that bal (? im not good with names ) accepts her as her . like their first fight together , nimona having his back and fighting . they flow beautifully together and he takes her side completely because no one , he learn, would believe him . would trust him like she does .

when they go back after the fight, suddenly after this they connect over this . they make a plan together and they work together much smoother such as in the room where they get the video of the director . suddenly its like theres no barriers like theyve been friends since the dawn of time . they seem so comfortable with each other after this and UUGGGHHHHHHH . SHAKES THIS MOVIE SOO SOO SOO HARD .

and they bond . they bond together . this is so importsnt to me . they become friends and he becomes so close to her . they have fun they smile they accept each other . he accepts her .UUGGGHH theyre si friends and im going to explode . theyre friends and hang out together and have fun together unlike what they cpuld before . before no one liked them . they were ostracized (is that the right word?) from society . people always questioning them and how much they should trust them , if they were good enough , if they could even fit in . i bet making friends was hard when no one liked them . when no one accepted them . so their bond is so important to me because theyre given a chance to actually experience friendship on this scale . golden boy doesnt count theyre romantically involved with bal but yeah they hang out but how often . not like nimona and him .

also the parallel there . gloreth and golden boy are of the same blood . they both end up proving to them that they really dont trust them in that moment . that they are the reason all this chaos is happening that they cannot be trusted that they wont be accepted . and they run away heartbroken . they go away understanding that no one , not even they — the ones they were closest with— will understand them . will trust them will accept them because theyll always be depicted as the villain of the story . the outcast . the evil . the villain . its why nimona and bal get along so well because they can just hang out . they can trust each other because they lnow no one else will do that for them . they only have each other and theyre making it count theyre making this friendship they have matter . because it really does matter .

#STARTS WEEPING AGAIN #I HATE THIS MOVIE (lying)#UUGGHH HGGUHYBBBYYYGFFHUYCVNKHVBJDKOQOHVBFKRIXH #spoilers #I WROTE SO MUCH THIS WAS SUPPOSED TK BE LIKE . 4 sentences #but idk if im entirely corrrect on this stance but im going to sob and die on the floor right now

3 notes · View notes

onlyonewoman · 2 years

Text

As an autistic person who’s emotional spectrum doesn’t really separate between a romantic crush and a friendship crush, the term “emotional affair” is driving me fucking NUTS. Because really, being excited, feeling happy and invested in another person on an emotional level, isn’t something you can help. That’s just chemistry and some people, for example myself, doesn’t feel a difference in the sort of feelings I get in a new friendship or a crush - or a new hyper focused hobby. I feel the same sort of intense happiness with a person I’m having a crush on, as I do with someone I just discovered to be a really close friend or a new show I get really invested in. I have the same stupid smile when talking about my beloved horses, as I had when I was newly in love with my hubby. So, of course, I’ve had a number of crushes over the past 17+ years I’ve been together with my hubby. Because my brain doesn’t separate the intense happiness I feel for a tv show or another person. It was highly annoying at first, of course, but as long as it doesn’t turn into physical cheating or crossing other boundaries me and hubby have, I really don’t see why the hell people (mostly on reddit) are making such a fuss about. Because a longterm loving relationship, doesn’t mean your brain can be shut off from experiencing feelings. Simply feeling an intense connection similar to a romantic crush doesn’t mean you’re cheating because feelings aren’t that fucking important all the time. If you know that your relationship, on a whole, is good and healthy and that you have something with this person/these persons that is far more important than a crush that chemically wont last for more than a few months, then what’s the fucking problem? Most of you will have a crush on someone else than your partner at one time or another. Because it’s impossible to experience that exact same feeling again you had at first, with a longterm partner. Having a crush, means you’re experiencing this NEW thing/person, and that’s why said crush is even possible. We’re not supposed to be all butterfly/dating shit in a longterm relationship, because that’s for the crush period. (I obviously refer to people who are able to feel romantic attraction here, regardless of sex being a part of it or not.) “He/she/they are cleaaaarly having an emotional affair!!!” Uhm. What? What does that even mean? Does it mean being “too happy”? Having “too much in common”? I absolutely get there’s a problem when the friendship - or hobby - starts to chew into time, energy and affection your partner then gets too little of. That’s shitty and also, quite often, unintentional. I did that mistake. Being autistic and having a difficulty keeping friends, I always felt overwhelmingly happy meeting a new person who took interest in me. It felt like a world of acceptance just opened up and I was starved of that so my brain got fucking high on it. It felt almost exactly the same, every time: like I was falling in love. I have also, unintentionally, hurt my hubby with this hyperfocus and that’s never okay, which leads me to another thing reddit morons suck at: Not. Going. Nuclear. People generally put too much significance into a crush, hence blowing it out of proportion whether it’s the person having a crush or someone seeing it from the outside. But an intense crush, unless there’s some actual problems in your relationship or just a realisation that this other person truly is the one you’d choose if you had to make a choice, is just not that much of a deal. The fact that I have the unfortunate inability to feel a distinct difference between a romantic and a platonic crush, doesn’t mean I’ve lost my ability to think. I KNOW now that when I get intensely into another person, those feelings will calm down if I don’t make a fuss about it. I reckognize them and sit calmly, waiting for those annoying little shits to calm the fuck down and that’s it. The thing is, in the meantime and, of course, just before I’ve realised I may have got myself caught up in another crush, I’m probably going to feel like I’m in love, hence having an “emotional affair”. Only, I feel the exact same high as I did when I got invested in “The Untamed”, “Word of Honor” and “Kinnporsche”. And since I��m not an idiot, I can just sit back and roll my eyes at myself for this “emotional affair”, grateful that while part of my brain can’t tell the difference between getting wrapped up in the vegaspete feels and having a crush on a real life person, my logical thinking is still intact, shaking it’s head at me - together with my amazing husband.

#emotional affair #bullshit term #autistic life

25 notes · View notes

alpimerealmsystem · 9 months

Text

It doesn't have to be bad! (Therianthropy short story PT.1)

THIS IS PART ONE, TUMBLR IS STUPID AND WONT LET ME POST THE ENTIRE THING 😭 So @waterinyourears gave me some ideas! (I know you said I don't have to credit you but seriously this is so important, you deserve it) something they'd talked about is how so much stuff, including stories is about otherkin/alterhumans having negative experiences! Something they'd pointed out is how we should start focusing on more positive aspects of this community and be able to escape into a story where someone like us isn't suffering. This is so important in our community so thank you so much, and I hope I do you idea justice :D (seriously, I'm going to do a lot more like this)

I feel so lucky to be part of this kingdom, and being able to find the others like me. I found them a few years ago, the first one I found, Alex, was at the library. We were both doing research on animals, we didn't know why, but we were researching the ones we felt weirdly connected to. In my kingdom, snow leopards show up sometimes. Our kingdom is next to a huge mountain range, and it's amazing to see the snow leopards running through. Alex was researching griffins, another animal we see sometimes perched up on the mountain peaks or hunting near the kingdom. Alex and me were just curious why the other one wanted to research these things. We both made an excuse, she said it was for a school project, I said it was for fun and because I want to be able to study snow leopards more. I stayed true to my word, always climbing up the mountains to find them and observe. It was so weird to me that I could almost... relate to them. I'd always had some of their behaviors, and thought it was just a coincidence. A lot of people are similar to animals.Alex kept researching griffins, and eventually did the same thing I did. We both just said we loved animals, and bonded over that love. After at least a year of of obsessing over them, and talking about how we could relate to them, she'd suddenly begged me to come over when her parents weren't home. She told me that she had suddenly felt almost animal-like earlier that day. She didn't understand it, but she could feel a tail, and feathers rubbing up against her skin. After well over an hour of trying to convince myself that I hadn't felt this too, I continued to comfort her. She was terrified of the sudden feeling, feeling so out of place. The next couple days were rough, I started noticing it happening with myself. It'd always happened to me, but I never wanted to acknowledge it. I'd finally told Alex this and she just promised me we'd always stick together, and we wouldn't have to tell anyone else.After months of keeping this secret, and finding more out about this weird feeling our kingdom was suddenly attacked. In some of the mountains apparently a dragon had decided to lay her eggs, and one was taken. No one had any idea who stole a dragon's egg, and knew it wasn't a human, but the dragon was persistent it was us.

One day she finally attacked, scorching our kingdom, and trying to find her egg. Suddenly it was almost like animal instincts took over, I ran up the entire mountain, climbing the steeper parts without any struggle for once. I ran towards her, grabbing the knife I'd stashed with the rest of my research supplies but suddenly was pinned under her claw. I saw out of the corner of my eye, Alex running up. She seemed to have the same thing going on and her eyes were bright green, just like the griffins. I saw out of the corner of my eye, Alex running up. She seemed to have the same thing going on and her eyes were bright green, just like the griffins. She lifted the dragon's giant claws with ease, before speaking to it. It wasn't even English, the dragons knew languages from other animals but never got close enough to us to learn our own. She was speaking in what seemed like a mix between a roar and a chirp from a bird, but the dragon seemed to understand.

#Literature #Short story #Short stories #Therianthropy #Therian #Theriotype #Therian community #Fictionkin #Otherkin #Alterhuman #Lycanthropy #Otherkin community #Sin And Their Mission

4 notes · View notes

kenthenugget · 10 months

Text

Adobe Broke Photoshop in 2023

A bit of a disclaimer: this will contain quite a bit of swearing and a lot of anger so be warned

For the past 3 and half years, I've been using photoshop for pretty much all of my digital drawings. Ever since I discovered you could draw in it back in my high school digital media class back in the 11th grade in 2019, I've pretty much used it for everything from school work to my comic to personal works. Despite its hefty price, its been reliable tool for me, and I've never had any sort of issues with it, up until recently.

Upon joining the tapas community, I was shocked at how much photoshop was disliked by the wider art community. Hell the mod in a server I'm in hates it with a burning passion (and may hate others who use it but idk). Mostly I've noticed that the complaints boil down to photoshop being buggy, unstable and overall unreliable. But in my experience that couldn't be further from the case. And if this were me from 2022 typing this, I would have to agree. But now I can see where they're coming from. In the course of 6 months, photoshop has gone from being a reliable good program to a complete mess. And any good will I had towards it is gone, and I'm surprised I'm still using it. The following is a recollection of my experience with the program beginning at the tail end of 2022 to now. Its going to be hard for me to frame this story in terms of escalation because it starts off really bad but gets slightly better by the end, but not by much.

Crashing:

Its inevitable that any computer program will crash at some point, and Photoshop is no exception. Up until this year, crashes were never really an issue. Sure they were annoying then they happened but they happened so infrequently that it was never a major problem. But that would quickly change. Beginning a few days before 2023, and ending around March and April, Photoshop would crash at the frequency of...every week, usually once per week at best and up to 3 or fucking 5 at worst. And it would all be the exact same. I would be drawing and out of nowhere, the program would freeze. I couldnt minimize it, close, save or do anything. The only way I'd be able to close it was by using task manager to force quit it. This was, as you could expect, annoying and extremely rage inducing but it wasnt just crashing that caused this.

Now thankfully, photoshop has an auto recovery feature so if the program crashes or if your pc looses power, you can recovery what you were working on and everything would be fine! But if photoshop crashed this way, auto recovery wouldnt work properly. It would recovery the file yes, but anything I was working up to the moment of crashing would be fucking gone. I cant tell you how many hours of work I lost because of this. Entire page layouts, sketches, selections, layers, etc gone within in an instant. I would try to levy the damage by changing the auto recovery timer from 10 to 5 minutes but only just.

I tried tolerating this at first but it kept happening more and more and eventually I had enough. My solution was to downgrade to the previous photoshop version as I surmised that the newer version had broken photoshop. This happened in February and up until the end of my spring break in March, I felt a sense of peace that I hadn't felt in a while. Sure, it would still crash but not the level as it did before. But that changed on the 16th and 17th. Photoshop crashed 5 times within those two days, three of them happening on the SAME... FUCKING... DAY!!! I wont lie, I felt defeated in a way I hadnt felt in a long time and out of desperation, I ended up updating to the latest version, praying that that would be the fix.

However this part of the story has a happy ending...sort of. I ended up making a thread about this on the adobe forums and ending up updating the driver for my graphics card and after that, photoshop stopped crashing. And unlike the last time, it didnt increase to that frequency ever again. In fact, I found a way of spotting when a crash would happen and found ways of avoiding it. The freezing would happen on certain files I was working on. And if I closed that file, I could avoid the entire thing freezing and loosing all my work. But regardless, the first 3 months of the year have (as stupid as this sounds) permanently scared me and Im still subconiously scared photoshop will crash constantly again.

The Annoying Ass Bugs:

Though the program had stabilized, my issues with photoshop would persist in the form of bugs which are really really fucking annoying to deal with. The first of those came in the form of it getting stuck on left click. If I had the program open for longer than 24 hours (or if I used the keyboard commands for undo, copy + cut + paste, or other tools that werent the brush and eraser tool), photoshop would get stuck on whatever tool I was using left click for. If it was the zoom tool, it would zoom in and out without me holding my finger down on the left mouse key. Same with the rotation tool and so on. The only way I could stop this was by closing the program and reopening it. Now, this is far better than the program crashing on me every day, but its very inconvenient. And I dont think I need to explain why. Other updates would come but Adobe didnt seem to fix it until an update that came out in early June. However, in doing this, they introduced another bug....

If I rotate the canvas or zoom in on a file Im working on, switch tabs and come back to that file, the camera position is reset. Rotations are reset, Im now zoomed out instead of zoom in, the camera is focused on a different part of the canvas. And unlike the last one, I cant stop it by closing the program. I dont understand how Adobe keeps on doing this. This fix a bug by introducing a new one. How is that even possible? And to make matters worse, they rolled out another update with "stablitiy issues" and according a comment left on a thread I made about this on the adobe forums, they still haven't fixed it. God only knows when they will and when they do, I wouldn't be surprised if Adobe found a way to break photoshop again.

So there you have it! With 6 months Photoshop has gone from a reliable work horse to a program I don't trust using. About half an hour before typing this blog out, Photoshop crashed while I was trying to fill in something, and I have to ask myself, "Why am I still doing this?" Why am I still using a program I hate using? Why am I subjecting myself to this? Why cant I just use the program every artist gushes over like its the second coming of Jesus Christ, Clip Studio Paint? And I dont have an answer. Apart from me wanting to finish my comic without worrying about adjusting to different art programs, I don't know why I'm still using photoshop. Maybe its because I've used it for so long that I have an attachment to it. Like I cant move on and just be done with it. Maybe despite all I said, I dont want photoshop to be this bad. I want it to be a good program. I want say with pride that its reliable program. I want it to be a functional stable thing I can use to draw my characters. I hate what Adobe's done with it.

I don't really know how to end this post. But all I can say is Adobe, you fucked up big time....

#art rant #artists on tumblr #adobe photoshop #photoshop

2 notes · View notes