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thoushallnotfall · 4 years

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God Bless the Children of the Beast - Part 8

Previous // Masterlist

Pairing: The Dirt!Tommy Lee x Reader

Word Count: 3.1k

Notes: Ugh, this one was a chore. I had to rewrite a chunk of it since I changed my mind about some stuff…it was a whole thing.

I am playing chess with so many plot elements right now and some of them are like so freaking long game; like hang with me this is gonna be one of those updates that makes sense 8 updates later. Like I am laying the ground work for the bigger picture I swear it’s all relevant and my narrative choices will make sense later. (probably)

1984 is almost over… 🙃

Warnings: N/A (I don’t think anything majorly bad happens in this update?? So used to them at least doing drugs…)

1984

After your fight with Nikki, the atmosphere on the set of the video shoot had been less than stellar. It’s a wonder you all had managed to finish filming at all.

You were angry at Nikki for what he’d done and for putting you in an awkward position with Tommy, and in turn Nikki was trying to avoid you as much as possible. Then, you felt guilty about keeping the whole thing a secret from Tommy, which made you feel awkward around him; so it was easier for you to just try and avoid him all together if you could.

Tommy was trying to calm Roxy down after meeting his parents, and he was kind of pissed at you for laughing at the whole ‘groupie’ comment his mother had made. Normally you’d be upset about this, but it actually worked out in your favor, since you were trying to avoid him anyway. Still, how long could you keep this up? How long could you keep your distance from your best friend? How long could you lie to him, even if you knew it was for his own good?

The shoot done, you’d all retreated back to the hotel. After a long, hot shower, you called Razzle. You talked to him most nights now; some days it was only a few minutes, just to check in, see how the tour was going, make sure everyone was doing okay before he and his boys went out to party and you and yours did the same. Other times, the two of you stayed on the phone for hours, talking through the night. You had seen the long-distance bills from the hotels when you helped Doc with the paperwork–they were outrageous; but you didn’t care. It was worth it.

You had debated whether you should tell him about what was going on with you and Nikki, just so you could get it off your chest. Normally, if you had an issue like this, you would go straight to Tommy, or in the past Nikki; the fact that they were both at the center of the problem meant you had no one else to turn to. You could talk to Vince or Mick–under normal circumstances you would trust them enough to confide in them, but this issue was delicate; what if something happens and they accidentally told Tommy? You couldn’t risk anyone else close to you finding out and telling him. But then trusting someone new was, for lack of a better word–scary–and you weren’t sure if you were ready to put that level of trust in Razzle yet.

When you called him, you hadn’t really planned on telling him; you were just going to have a normal conversation. But he’d picked up on it immediately; he could tell something was wrong just by the tone of your voice. When he asked you about it, you realized you wanted to trust him, and you decided to take a chance and open up to him.

It felt good to talk. Not just to tell him about the situation, but to tell him how you felt about it. Razzle listened, telling you he honestly wasn’t sure what the right thing to do was, but that he was there for you, and you only had to call if you ever needed anything. Just listening was enough; just being there was enough.

And you really did love him for that.

—

After the shoot, there had been a noticable change in the dynamic of your group. No one wanted to talk about it, but the difference was obvious. You could barely stand to be around Nikki; between your anger at his actions with Roxie and his increasingly rude and inconsiderate behavior towards everyone, you found yourself fighting with him more and more each day.

Then there was Tommy. He and Roxie broke up, so that was one problem solved; but just like he always did after a breakup he was extra clingy with you now that she was gone. He wanted to hang out all the time, and that had caused some problems. For starters, while Roxie may be gone, you were still dealing with the weight of the her secret sex with Nikki, and knowing about it made being around Tommy awkward for you. You tried to suck it up and act like nothing was wrong, but it was obvious something was on your mind, and you wished Tommy would just give you some space so you had more time to process everything.

Then, there was the other issue that had come up between you. You had made it clear to Tommy you needed some time to yourself every once and awhile, and he seemed to agree, in theory. Then, in practice, would still bug you whenever he felt like it. Sometimes, he came to bother you in the middle of your phonecalls with Razzle. The few times this had happened, things had not gone well.

Tommy would insist you hang up and spend time with him. You would of course tell him no, saying you would hang out with him later. Usually, he would leave, pouting like a child. Later, he would spend the whole time complaining about Razzle; which annoyed you to no end–and you made sure to tell him so. That would only pissed him off more, and you two of you would both leave angry.

The last time he came in while you were on the phone, he’d been high, or drunk–or both–and when you refused to hang up he’d come over and done it for you. You’d gotten into a huge argument–something that had never happened before–and you made him leave, locking him out of your room.

Ever since your fight, Tommy had been walking on eggshells around you. He knew he’d fucked up, but he didn’t know how to fix it. You knew he couldn’t do anything; he’d apologized, but you were still upset. You just wanted to get away from all the drama–from Tommy, from Nikki–where you could relax and you didn’t have to worry if someone was going to yell at you for something or if you were going to get into another argument.

You weren’t essential to the band, it had occurred to you that maybe you could just go home for a week or two; take a little break? The guys wouldn’t love that idea, but no one could argue that things weren't strained right now. You could use some time apart. You hadn’t been away from them since they’d become a band–you’d all been living together the whole three years since they’d formed Motley Crue. It would be strange to be away from them after being together for so long, but then again some distance was starting to seem like exactly what you needed. And they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder; maybe taking some time apart would help heal the rifts forming in your most important relationships. Even if you didn’t love the idea of being alone, it would be worth it to get away for awhile.

As you drop your bags in yet another empty hotel room, you spot the phone on the nightstand, and an idea suddenly occurs to you. A crazy idea; maybe a great idea, or maybe a totally stupid one. Either way, the boys will absolutely hate it.

You pick up the phone, dialing the number and giving instructions to the receptionist on the other end as you sit on your bed.

“'ello beautiful.” Razzle greets you, and you smile.

“Hey Nic, how’s it going?” You ask, twirling the spiral cord around your finger.

“No' too bad; the boys and I jus' go' back.” He answer.

“Oh, that’s good.” You say, biting your lip, unsure of how to proceed.

“Is everythin' awlrigh'? You sound upset again.” He asks. “More trouble wif your brofa? Or is it Tommy this time?” You sigh, grateful he brought it up so you didn’t have to.

“Um, well I mean yeah, sort of, but, that’s actually not what I called about.” You say.

“Oh?” He asks. “Do tell.” You take a deep breath.

“I was wondering what you would think about me maybe coming to stay with you?” You ask, nervous. “Just for a little while.” You add hastily at the end.

“You wan' to come wif me? On tou'a?” He asks, clearly surprised.

“Yeah; I, I mean if you and the band don’t mind.” You reply.

“Of course I don’t fuckin' mind!” He says, clearly excited; and you let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. “But wha' about the Crue? Won’ they be angry you’re off tourin’ wif another band?”

“I’ll handle the boys.” You assure him, smiling into the receiver.

—

“The fuck do you mean you’re leaving?” Nikki asks as he looks at you, your bags at your feet.

“Exactly what I said; you need it in writing?” You snap.

“Would you stop being a fucking bitch for five seconds and explain to me what the hell you think you’re playing at?” Nikki spits back. “You can’t just fucking leave!”

“Newsflash Nikki; you don’t fucking own me! I can do whatever the hell I want!” You shout, throwing your arms up.

“Okay, okay can everyone just chill out for a second please?” Vince asks.

“Stay the fuck out of this Vince.” Nikki sneers as he looks over at the blonde. “This isn’t any of your fucking business.”

“Don’t fucking yell at him!” You say, scowling at Nikki as he looks back at you.

“We’re gonna get kicked out of the lobby soon.” Mick comments absently.

“Y/N please don’t go.” Tommy begs. “We can talk about this.”

“I’ve made up my mind Tommy.” You say firmly, crossing your arms.

“Where you gonna go, huh?” Nikki asks. “Back home? You live in my house y/n! You can’t go home–I won’t allow it!”

“'Allow it?’” You repeat in a mix of anger and disbelief. “God you have been such a fucking asshole lately! What the hell is wrong with you?” You yell back at him, exasperated. “And for your information no, I’m not going home; I’m going to stay with Nic.”

“Nic?” Nikki looks at you confused. Then, realization spreads across his face. “Oh hoho! You’re going on tour with Razzle and the rest of those fuckers in Hanoi Rocks!”

“What?” Tommy scowls. “You’re going on tour with another band?”

“I’m going to stay with my boyfriend, who is currently in a band that is touring.” You try dodging the question with a half-truth.

Technically Razzle wasn’t your boyfriend yet–but that was only because the two of you didn’t have time to talk about it over the phone before you had to leave to catch your flight. You expected that’s where things were headed though, since you were going to be touring with him now, so it wasn’t a total lie.

“Boyfriend? Since fucking when?” Tommy shouts.

“That’s none of your fucking business.” You snap, taken aback by his sudden change in tone. He had been so desperate and kind a second ago.

“So what? You a fucking groupie now y/n? Huh? You just gonna hop from one band to another whenever it’s convenient for you?” Tommy asks, clearly pissed. You look back at him like you’ve been slapped in the face. You clench your jaw as tears start forming in your eyes.

“Fuck you Tommy.” You whisper, tears sliding down your cheeks.

“Y/N–” He calls out to you, but you ignore him; grabbing your bags and heading out the door.

—

You stand outside waiting for your taxi as the tears continue flowing down your face. It was all too much, and as much as you hated people seeing you cry, you just couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Nikki was changing. It had been happening for awhile, but you had tried to ignore it; made excuses, played it off. Now there was no denying the truth: the brother you knew, who hurt himself to save you from your mother and her shitty boyfriends, who went hungry so you could eat, who took beatings to protect you–he was disappearing. This new Nikki was someone else, someone dark, and controlling. Someone who didn’t care about hurting the people he cared about–even you. You saw less and less of the Nikki you knew everyday, and you worried one day you’d look at your brother’s face and see a stranger staring back at you.

Then there was Tommy. That sweet, simple boy you meet three years ago. Your best friend. There was more to Tommy than that now–maybe there always had been, and you just never saw it. You didn’t understand how Tommy could be so sweet, then act so cruel. You didn’t understand why he got this way about Razzle; it’s like ever since you’d started seeing the other drummer, it had brought out the worst in Tommy.

As you stand under the awning waiting for your taxi, tears still staining your cheeks, you hear the doors to the lobby open behind you. You turn and see Vince and Mick walking toward you. You quickly wipe your face on the back of your arm and smile up at them.

“Hey, sorry you guys had to get stuck in the middle of that.” You say, doing your best to sound cheerful.

“Not the first time we’ve been in the center of a public shitshow; though usually there’s more nudity involved.” Mick says, the corner of his mouth turning up slightly. You know he’s trying to cheer you up, and honestly it works. A small giggle escapes your lips.

“We can still fix that if you want to y/n.” Vince says, winking at you. “I’m always down for a little public nudity if you’re involved.”

“I’d like to not get arrested tonight; but thanks anyway Vince.” You say, smirking at him. He shurgs.

“Your loss.” He replies, looking away. After a moment, he looks back at you, a more sincere expression on his face. “By the way y/n, I wanted to say…” He trails off, rubbing the back of his neck as he looks down at the pavement awkwardly.

“What?” You press. It was unusual for Vince to be at a loss for words. He sighs, then looks back up at you.

“I just wanted to say you shouldn’t listen to Nikki and Tommy–they were being real assholes, and they were wrong.” Your eyes go wide as you stare back at him in shock. You knew Vince and Mick felt bad for you, but you hadn’t really expected them to openly take your side against their bandmates.

“Look, you’re not a bitch, and you’re definitely not a fucking groupie, okay? I mean if you were then I think I got fucking jipped.” He says with a laugh. You’re too surprised to laugh at the joke, not that it was that great to begin with.

“With jokes like that it’s amazing you ever resisted his charms.” Mick comments, and that manages to get a laugh from you. “He is right though; those two were total shitheads and I don’t blame you for wanting to split. You deserve to be happy, and if that frilly English shit makes you happy, then I say go for it.” You’re taken aback by the sincerity in Mick’s words. Vince comes over and puts a hand in your shoulder.

“Look, try not to worry about what Nikki and Tommy said, okay? They’re just pissed because they’re used to having you all to themselves, and they don’t like the idea of having to share you. So go have fun with your English boy toy, and just know we’ll be here if you ever get homesick.” You look back at the two of them, and you feel your heart swell so full it aches.

Nikki and Tommy had been the people you were closest to since the band formed; Nikki was your brother, your rock, your oldest friend. Tommy had quickly grown to be your best friend, your closet companion, the person you trusted most. But you couldn’t forget how much you loved Vince and Mick; they were your brothers just as much as Nikki and Tommy were. You had been through so much with both of them, and just because you were having problems with Tommy and Nikki, you didn’t want to punish Mick and Vince for that.

You feel tears well up in your eyes as you grab hold of Vince, hugging him tightly as you bury your face in the crock of his neck.

“Thanks Vinny.” You say as you squeeze him tighter. “I appreciate it.” You let him go, and his cheeks are flushed as he looks away.

“Yeah, whatever.” He says, and you laugh, whipping your eyes. You move over to Mick and wrap your arms around him.

“Give us a call every once and awhile so we know you’re not dead.” He says, and you laugh as you pull away.

“Yes dad.” You reply sarcastically, and he scowls. You smile, moving to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. His eyes go wide as he stares back at you in surprise. “I promise I’ll call as soon as I get there, okay?” He looks away.

“S'all I’m asking.” He mumbles.

“Hey, why does the old man get a kiss?” Vince whines, and you laugh.

Just then, the taxi pulls up to take you to the airport.

“Well, looks like my ride’s here.” You say, trying to mask your sadness by turning away from them. You move to get your bags, but Vince grabs them before you can. He winks at you, and silently moves to toss them in back of the taxi.

“It’s not forever; I’ll see you guys again in no time.” You say cheerful as you look at Mick, who just nods in response, looking lonely. You take one quick glance back at the lobby doors, before turning to the taxi.

“Thanks for grabbing my bags Vince; maybe there’s a gentleman buried in there somewhere after all.” You say, smirking.

“Don’t hold your breath sweetheart.” Vince jokes, smiling; though you both feel the sadness behind it. As you pass him, you lean in and give him a quick peak on the cheek. You smile as Vince laughs.

“There, now you’re even.” You say, before getting into the taxi. You shut the door, waving out the back window as you watch the two of them get further and further away.

#tommy lee x reader #the dirt!tommy lee x reader #mgk!tommy lee x reader #the dirt x reader #the dirt #tommy lee

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dallonm-archive · 4 years

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So I Turned Church Mud Into A Novel Lol Oops | NaNoWriMo 2020

Folks the JOURNEY I have been on in the last 3 days. I’ve been on a great albeit chaotic Church Mud high and it led to? This?

For those who don’t know, Church Mud is meant to be a ~7k words short story for my writing dissertation (and it still is). I attempted to do Draft Zero over summer, completely missed the mark, pretended it didnt exist for a month and here we are. One thing I learnt from that attempt though was that there is a much wider story to be told than what we’d see in those 7k words. Back then I was content with it only existing as a short story, not having all the parts told, because I liked the idea of Felix and Dorothy existing in this small window with a happy ending that’d otherwise be temporary. But I cannot help myself :) I met my advisor on Wednesday and reaffirmed that I’m at a really good place with this story in terms of ideas, themes and character - what’s missing was just the plot. So that’s what I’ve been working on (and killing my sleep schedule over) since, and what happened was: I realise most of my ideas wouldn’t fit the short story --> But they’d work in a novel --> So I guess I’m writing Church Mud as a novel after I graduate? --> But I kinda wanna write it now --> But I can’t --> But I want to --> Chloe your dissertation --> Hey you want more novel content? Here’s chapter titles --> God I Can’t Wait To Write This As A Novel --> Hey that thing where you write a novel in a month is happening soon...could be a...perfect excuse to...….,,,

So I had a ~revelation~ at 4am: why can’t I write it now? NaNoWriMo coincides with when I’m meant to brainstorm this story, so why don’t I take what I have and pants it as a novel, intentionally #LoseNano2020 and use what I wrote to infer what the short story will look like whilst also have a Draft Zero to work with/finish/rewrite next year? I debated if this was a good idea because it felt ~unconventional~ but I realised that a) I want to write this as a novel anyway and b) this is where I’m loving the project and that’s what matters and c) makes it feel less like uni work lol I’ve spent the all day playing around with what Church Mud The Novel would look like, and not only am I o b s s e s s e d but it also taught me? so much? about the short story? I was worried it’d get complicated but from the vague plot idea I have, I have a clear vision of Church Mud The Short Story separate from the novel, but I also see how it would fit into the novel as a chapter, and seeing where it’d fit in has really helped me figure out where it sits in the twins’ lives and so many elements I hadn’t considered before. I believe very strongly in Writers Intuition and my intuition is telling me that this is the direction I need to go with this project. My only issue is Church Mud doesn’t fit as a title for the novel at all and was never going to be the title, but I really don’t care oop, I’m not titling it until next year unless I come up with a title so good I want to change the short story as well lmao. But other than that this is working so well for me and really catalysed the momentum I already had atm for this story. I’ve also wanted to rework how I share Church Mud things here and this is a perfect way to at least for the next month, but before I ramble more lets actually talk about where the story is!

CHURCH MUD

Genre: literary fiction Setting: California (+ probably some other states? Idk I’m not American wtf is a state), 1986 POV: third person present + retrospective moments, split between twins Felix and Dorothy The Vibes: hazy summers, hot air, 3am, saltwater breeze, grainy photographs, empty roads at night, the moon blurred by clouds, arms resting out car windows, abandoned churches, telephone boxes, getting lost on purpose, cigarette smoke, dust from an old Bible Deals with: faith & the weaponization of it to control others, identity, perceptions of reality, chosen family, independence v co-dependence, free will, trauma & what it means to “let go”

CONTENT WARNINGS: religion/religious imagery (specifically Christianity), trauma, toxic relationships, inferred addiction (all updates will be tagged with these/any more specific warnings)

This is still in very early conception, in the sense of it’s existence as a novel, but it’s definitely an expansion on the ideas I had for the short story, where these two seek to let go of their past together so they can live their own, new lives, and also restore their tangled relationship that could never be fixed through letters and distant contact. When Dorothy left the controlling religious cult she grew up in, she never gave herself a chance to properly process the complicated emotions that came with that decision, or the trauma she went through, opting to cope with it by putting all her energy into building her new life and embracing her identity. Watching her brother navigate the same new, confusing path she took four years ago forces her to look back on her own experience, and the repressed memories of events that prompted her to leave in the first place. When Felix catches up with her, he struggles with the realisation that adjusting to this new life and world won’t be easy, and whilst it was the right choice, his impulsive decision has ramifications. Trauma does not necessarily stay in the place you associate it with and for Felix, it’s like seeing all of it from a birds eye view, all at once, including everything he blocked out. With his faith, his sister, and his drive to be a good person, he has hope for himself and the world, but the pain and anger he harbours will not make it easy for him. ^by no means a pitch literally just the copy paste of the quick summary I wrote for myself lmao

The most exciting part of this to me is how different, yet similar the novel feels. This version of the story isn’t necessarily happier, it’s still rough around the edges, but it’s definitely from a different mindset and there’s this haziness to it that doesn’t exist in the short story. It feels like a grainy home video that they’d never let see the light of day. I wouldn’t call it dreamlike or softer because of this, but there is this distinct tonal shift from the short story to the novel that I can only describe through the aforementioned Vibes. As I said, I have an idea of where the short story would fit into the novel’s timeline as a chapter, but they still won’t be the same. The short story is obviously more restricted to one singular event, and that turns the intensity and tension up high. This difference is also 100% influenced by the fact that the short story is set only at night (bar for some potential flashbacks), and the night plays a huge thematic and atmospheric role. Of course parts of the novel will take place at night, but the presence of daytime changes the mindset to me? In the short story it feels like they’re stuck in this perpetuate-esque night, whereas in the novel you know that the sun will always rise.

This story is also very different aesthetically, but at the same time elements of the short story’s aesthetic come into play and clash with the unique aesthetic of the novel, where they coexist, but are also in conflict with each other. As you can tell from these two moodboards where you can really see how for the second I gave up trying to make it coherent lmao:

To me there are two distinct aesthetics, and they are both very different and exist in different ways, but they are both inherently part of the story, and it feeds into this idea of perception of reality and these two realities that the twins perceive: the “outside world” and the gated world they grew up in.

The stars of the show, my favourite disaster twins:

Not fragile, but not made of stone either

Loves very hard, sometimes more than she’d like

A protective and loyal soul, especially with those she loves, but she never wants to forget to protect herself

If I’m in love with my best (female) friend, no I’m not <3

-goes to the edge of the pier and stares wistfully at the ocean so everyone knows that I am the main character-

Loves her brother more than anyone else but is struggling to figure out his new role in her life. As teenagers she felt painfully tethered to him because they were always The Twins, and she had nobody else, as adults she hopes to find a balance between their deeply close bond and their harshly different lives

Arc driven by defining your identity and then redefining it, and facing the parts of it you’d rather lock far away. Also deals with her experience growing up as a girl in a religious cult in the 60s/70s, and the relationship faith has with her feminist identity.

As of now, there’s more focus on him in the novel, since the short story focuses on Dorothy and I feel to write him from an observer perspective I need to get into his head first

Just found out restarting your life completely is hard?

Trying to be a good person, wants to be a good person, but there’s an anger in him that he hates but it’s festering and it’s growing

But ultimately he is a sweet and soft person and that’s what he wants to be in life even though it’s hard, it shows especially with his sister

I think at some point he locks himself in a cabin and? I would too

Centred around perception of trauma and v influenced by my own experiences with that, where you think things will be easier as soon as you leave that situation but really it just makes you look at everything from a distance and be like “what the fuck?? that actually happened??” (which conflicts with the fact that you KNOW you’re in a better place and you would never go back, but it hurts and it’s hard especially understanding the placement of your trauma in this new space)

I need to give this dude and his sister a happy ending for my own wellbeing. I don’t know how that’ll look but these two will get their happy endings. I actually don’t think I’ve loved two characters more and I love all my characters deeply

And I think that’s all for now! This 100% was not the direction I expected to take but I am so glad I did, and I also love the opportunity to reintroduce this story because good Lord it’s changed so much (and this instance is the most change). I also think this is the perfect Nano scenario for me, as someone who’s never done it before, there’s zero pressure on me to “win” because I don’t expect to even finish this. I’m just going to see where it takes me and see what it’s given me at the end of the month. I’m also not outlining this at all lmao, one because me and outlines do not get along but also my Preptober is just. the work I have to do for my dissertation anyway, which is reading and gathering a lot of fiction/nonfiction about cults/religion, and all the weird and unhinged takes on it. It’s very slow but it’s also fun! My uni work this weekend is literally to read The Girls by Emma Cline so I think I won here?? I also want to dedicate the rest of October to the short stories I planned to write for Nano (I was going to work on my collection).

I don’t know if I’ll do a taglist for this - I have the og Church Mud one but like I said I’m rethinking how I want to share this story and updates for this will only be regular in November so?? But chances are I will be constantly on my bullshit for the next month and a half with this story, pretty update or no pretty update

My NaNoWriMo page is here, although fair warning I have No idea how this site works, this is my boomer moment. Excited to clown about this story though!

- Chloe

#first off my fatal flaw is interchanging between Felix and Dorothy and Dorothy and Felix #second off i would die and kill for them #writing #amwriting #writeblr #writeblr community #religion /#trauma /#nanowrimo #nanowrimo 2020

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danielleasbureaucouk · 3 years

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Writing Projects

Updated from original posting.

I thought I would do a post of all the writing projects I have on the go, that you can’t see yet as I don’t like to upload unless I’m a fair way in, or I’ve finished them.

Here goes….

Star Wars:

Shimmer Through the Woods: Part 26 is online, I have written Part 28, part way through Part 27, with another nine parts to go or maybe only two, as I did have an idea about how to shorten the story further just to get it done.

The Good Travelers: Part 1 was posted for the Obidala Valentine Convention in 2014. Eight more parts have been written, the end is nowhere in sight. Obi-Wan and Padmé travel back in time to Episode I.

Plot 8/untitled Obidala & Post Original Trilogy story: This is probably not that far from being finished, but needs a bit of time to be done. Astonishingly it was one of the first star wars fics that I wrote. Its set after ROTJ, when the New Republic opens negotiations with Naboo. Whilst visiting Naboo, Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade discover a prison whose inhabitants will rewrite history.

The Scarlet Jedi: Very much still an idea at present inspired by The Scarlet Pimpernel by Baronness Orczy.

Bladed Wings Upon a Star: This is still in developement, but its a time travel story that I fancy exploring, when I have the time. It brings Obi-Wan from ROTS into AOTC and Qui-Gon from before he chose Obi-Wan as his padawan into AOTC. I have about four parts written so far.

Obidala Crossover with a Discovery of Witches: first chapter written, second in progress. No Vampire or Witch element, but the main plot around Ashmole 782 transported into a star wars universe.

Jane Austen:

Unititled: (This was influenced by Matthew Goode playing Wickham in Death Comes to Pemberley.) When Darcy returns to Pemberley, he revaluates his relationship with Elizabeth, Georgiana and Wickham, who rescues Lydia Bennet in Brighton, which leads to her traumatic demise, resulting in Wickham’s service in the Peninsular War, and eventual redemption. I’m going to try and write it so it fits with Adow maybe.

Serve & Volley: A rewrite of Say Hello, Wave Goodbye, where the Bennets and others take on the world of tennis.

A possible P&P story in the world of Formula One.

A Discovery of Witches:

Untitled: Just an idea which while rewatching the first episode. Diana and Matthew meeting without the book, which is either discovered much later or not at all.

A Star Wars crossover: first chapter written, second in progress. No Vampire or Witch element, but the main plot around Ashmole 782 transported into a star wars universe.

A Once Upon a Time Crossover: An idea still in development. Henry is a child prodigy at Oxford, Emma is there with him when she discovers the storybook. Killian, a professor and biochemist has been searching for the storybook for several years and learns of her discovery.

Escaping Death Spinoff: A continuation of that oneshot, an AU of a scene in Shadow of the Night.

A Downton Abbey Crossover/Spinoff: This is a continuation of my ideas from the previous Downton Abbey crossovers I have written, exploring Matthew’s life as Henry Talbot in full.

Untitled: Diana has a horse ranch somewhere in America. Matthew comes to work there with, looking after the horses when his research lab at Oxford gets closed by the Congregation.

Untitled: Diana has a cafe in Oxford, near the university, in which she sells blood among the usual coffee, tea, latte, etc and food. Matthew, Miriam and Marcus meet there, whereupon he meets Diana.

Untitled: Diana has been hired to work as a librarian and archivist at Sept Tours when it opens to public tours after the news of the existence of creatures goes public and the convenant is undone

Game of Thrones:

Untitled Tysan: Modern Westros. Tywin Lannister is a photographer, Sansa Stark a fashion model who agrees to a weekend photoshoot away with him.

Untitled Tysan: Old Westros. Tywin Lannister endures several nightmares about the future which causes him to take the Iron Throne and change the lives of his three children, among others. Twenty years later, he goes to the North in search of the woman who was the subject of torture and abuse in his nightmares.

Btvs:

Seasons 6 & 7 of Seasons Rewrite: Episode Guides written, but other fandoms took hold.

Charmed:

A rewrite of Seasons 4-8 to include Prue, Cole and others: I started this and then abandoned it, but I still would like to do it, although at the moment the existence of Paige is up for debate. I’m currently not a fan of Rose McGowan at present. I know that’s no reason to write out her character, so we shall see.

Whether all of these stories will eventually go online is up to the muse. I plan to try and finish Shimmer in the July-October break before I start another year of my degree. After that it shall be whichever I decide to focus on.

#writing #fanfic #game of thrones #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #charmed fanfic #buffy fanfic #Charmed #a discovery of witches #ADOW fanfic #goft fanfic #star wars #obidala fanfic #once upon a time #Captain Swan #captain swan fanfic

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snowe-zolynn-rogers · 3 years

Note

when do you plan to update your stories?

Well, going off if you're talking about the chaptered fics that are already posted I'm assuming.

I'm possibly going to hold off on chapter 10 of the RWBY Shadows AU this week because I'm only about a fourth of the way done with the chapter so far and writing is difficult.

Light the Beacon might go up within the next week depending if I'm comfortable with it because chapter 3 is going to discuss a dark/uncomfortable topic at a point and will actually have a content warning.

I'm about halfway to three fourths done with chapter 13 of the Sanders Sides group chat fic so that'll be just a little bit. And I'm probably going to post chapter 11 of Avatar Zuko in place of the missing RWBY Shadows AU chapter on Friday.

I have to reread the older version of Dark Strange Son again in order to continue on chapter 4 so I can make sure I'm not forgetting anything. That means I still need to rewrite chapter four.

I'm trying to base the BNHA chatfic around storylines in the manga so I'm still banging around storylines before I decide on the next chapter's plot points.

Mostly I'm focusing on writing books themselves lately. There's a few stories from a few different fandoms I've debated on posting for a while now. And also a rewrite of my Miraculous Team AU might be getting worked on.

#snoweyanswers #anon #writing #thing is I haven’t watched shows recently #just listen to rslash on youtube

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ramblings-of-a-mad-cat · 3 years

Note

Saw a few of your posts and I see that you're a Star Wars fan. What are your thoughts on the Han Shot First Debate?

The Star Wars fandom isn't one that I'm particularly active in, mostly because it occurred to me that everyone has their own particular vision of that 'verse and people tend to get upset when other fans or the films themselves contradict their own personal vision. To an extent, this is true in most fandoms, but I'm not so invested in the Star Wars story that it's a debate I usually care to have.

When it comes to Han Solo, I agree with the general opinion. He did shoot first, and it was a stupid change. However, I also feel like people are getting a little too angry over something that really doesn't matter. It was far from the only change made to the original trilogy when it was updated. Though I think this change in particular touched a nerve as it wasn't as simple as extending a filler scene in Jabba's Palace or tacking CGI creatures onto a scene that didn't have them before. This was an intentional rewrite of a character establishing moment, so it's totally fair if that bothers people.

Still, it never bothered me because the change itself...kind of didn't land? Like, sure, Greedo shot first "technically." But...there are plenty of other moments later on in the OT that clarify that Han Solo is the type of person who can and will shoot first. When they're confronted by Darth Vader on Bespin, Han doesn't wait. He immediately fires on him. That's just who he is. Changing the Cantina scene doesn't erase this aspect of his character. Han still would shoot first, it's just that in this one particular instance, he didn't.

Except...take a look at the actual edit. First of all, it looks bad. It looks fake. But beyond that, the two shots are within a fraction of a second. Was George attempting to suggest that Han wouldn't shoot unless Greedo fired first? Because if so, that doesn't come across. Han was already reaching for his gun. It was clear that he was still planning to shoot, just that Greedo got there first. And again, only by a milisecond. Han didn't know exactly when or even if Greedo was going to shoot. He just took the shot. This change doesn't affect his morality, because even though he technically shot second, it's obvious that he would have shot first and was planning to.

Also...what was even so bad about that in the first place? Greedo was pointing a blaster at him, and openly threatening his life. Why do you even need Greedo to take a shot? Han is already in danger and he knows it. You can argue that this was self defense even in the original cut. Like, sure, we can complain because Han is rough around the edges and he probably would kill Greedo in cold blood. But even in the original scene, that wasn't quite what happened. This controversy doesn't even need to be a thing.

#Han Solo #Star Wars #Greedo #Han Shot First #Star Wars OT #Star Wars Original Trilogy #George Lucas

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othercat2 · 3 years

Text

Writing Update, Bunny, and Snippet(s)

So! While searching for porn I found a series called Taming Riki on Amazon, which is apparently original fan fic of Ai no Kusabi. It is not very good fan fic, and only semi okay porn. It reminded me very much of the kind of yaoi porn one used to be able to find on LJ in the early 2000s. I did end up reading it, but was very impatient with it. (Writer, have you ever actually met human beings? I wonder!)

This somehow led to reading Ai no Kusabi fan fic. Which was very odd since I was not impressed with the Ova! (I am probably not going to read the novel(s) since they apparently end in Bury Your Gays Under Piles of Rubble.) Anyway, the AnK fan fic seems to tend toward the "rewrite canon so characters survive" variety. And is often quite optimistic that the mains could have a relationship.

Bunny 1: Due to the part where Iason "Why is my surname a Mustelid, it must be because I fuck like Weasels" Mink is an android he was never actually in danger because all you need to do is down load a backup. Problem: he keeps crashing because Riki was made of meat, and he does not know how to grieve. Jupiter POV as they/it/she tries to get Iason back to operational parameters. (Ricky don't you lose my number plays ironically in the background.)

Bunny 2: Almost exactly like AnK except with Homestuck style quadrants. So much quadrant vacillation. SO MUCH.

Speaking of Homestuck, I've been working on Rebel and Conqueror! I have also been working on Pernstuck, and the next installment of The Yiling Almanac ("the young master most likely to be found disappearing into the kitchen garden") Wei Ying's love of potatoes is featured. (I need to find Ursula Vernon's rant on potatoes.) I've also managed to get some writing done on Build a Life from Scratch. However, I'm slightly frustrated because I can't segue over the GHB/Signless debate. And I hate debates.

Snippet the First: (Rebel and Conqueror)

Trolls had all kinds of mind control powers. They could terrorize you into catatonia or turn you into a puppet. It depended on the caste though. Lower castes tended to have telekinesis powers, higher up the scale started to be telepathy and fear projection. At the very top it was mostly resistance to the mind control powers (and you suspected, regeneration and other weird shit you've only heard rumors about). It probably made sense to trolls to keep you away from Vantas, if things like what happened to you happened a lot. “He’s fuchsia,” you say, and even as you say it, you know it’s a stupid thing to say. Vantas doesn’t need to have been the one to fuck with your head, with or without the pheromones. “Is there any proof he had anything done to my head? Aside from fucking with it just by being his normal asshole self?”

“No evidence was found in the initial investigation,” the Dolorosa admits.

"So he didn't do anything," you say. "So I think I should get to see him sentenced." You pause, looking down at your hands. "For closure. Since I'm not allowed to be in contact with him anymore." The Dolorosa gives you an odd look. It's part concern and part curiosity, and you realize what you said might sound like. "It isn't Stockholm Syndrome," you tell. "I don't feel dependent on him for safety or something." You just want to know what's going on with him. "And don't ask if I want to see him, because that opens the entire do you want to be his kismesis can of worms, and the answer to that is still and will always be fuck no."

The Dolorosa smiles a little at that. "That's understood," she says. "Would you want to be in contact? From what I understand that also seems to be an issue."

"So, troll doctors don't have confidentiality?"

"I think you've made it clear that it's an issue outside Doctor Coyotl's office," the Dolorosa says. "It would be hard to keep common knowledge confidential." Her tone is dry. "Wanting to see him doesn't necessarily correlate to wanting to be in a kismesis with him."

"I want to see him," you say. "I don't know about contact. Maybe I want to ask what he thought he was going to do, raising my kid and screwing with me at the same time. How he thought that was going to work. What was he going to tell my kid about me, if he thought he was going to get away with it. Maybe I want him to delete that fucking 'I hate you' wall he has. Maybe I want to point and laugh at all the 're-education' he's going to go through."

"He already knew he wasn't going to get away with it," the Dolorosa says.

"What's the Black Tower like?" you ask, veering slightly off the subject.

"A prison," the Dolorosa says. "Or in some ways a hospital. I'm sure Pyrope has explained some of the details."

"Re-educated, supervised visits, supervised everything, Earth still conquered but the Viceroy can't have a hate boyfriend, yeah."

"Among other possible punishments," the Dolorosa says. "But those are the most likely." She pauses. "Are there any penalties you'd prefer?"

"Be pretty stupid for me to ask for execution, wouldn't it? Maybe ironic after all the effort not to kill me." Probably also stupid to suggest it to his grandmother, but she asked. "Maybe freedom for Earth and he doesn't have command of anything bigger than one of those ships you stick in a bottle. But freedom isn't on the table either."

The Dolorosa doesn't lecture on the benefits of imperial rule. Instead she says, "Dr. Coyotl mentioned that you had been losing a considerable amount of time during your captivity." She decaptchalogues a data grub, and sets it down on a low table by the couch. It's stubs around a couple inches before curling up, mandibles opening and shutting. You absolutely do not want to pick it up. "This data grub contains the complete security footage from your time on the then-Viceroy's ship. After viewing this, we can discuss if and when you can see him."

"I have to watch the home movie if I want to see him?" you ask. The Dolorosa nods. You know that you're stalling. (You still don't want to pick the data grub up.)

"You can watch it on your own, or with your partner, Rose Lalonde," Dolorosa says, and gets to her feet to leave.

"Wait," you say. She gives you an inquiring look. "So, if this is the complete footage, that's a lot of hours. What's the amount of hours before you'll let me see Vantas?"

"At least seventy two hours within a twenty four hour time frame," Dolorosa says.

"Okay."

Something resembling manners has you get up and follow her to the door, and see her out. When she's gone, you lean against the bulkhead and shudder all over, face in your hands. You slide down the bulkhead to the deck. Take it in steps. There was a computer in the corner of the living room, built into a desk. It wasn't too organic or alarming in appearance. Get the grub to the computer, and open the files. Did you really want to watch it on your own? Did you want Rose there, knowing how badly she wanted to kill Vantas? (It takes a moment to wrap your head around the way the argument wants to phrase Rose's presence as a negative. You don't want me her to be hurt. You don't want her to hurt Vantas.) Did you want to watch it, already knowing what you were going to see? (All the parts you couldn't remember and all the parts you could.)

"This is bullshit," you say, half hoping for a comment from the intercom. "You're hoping I don't watch, which will prove I shouldn't see Vantas." You don't get an answer.

With cringing fingers you pick up the grub (soft squashy urgh) drive and stick it in the port. As the drive opens you send a message to Rose: so i have umptybillion hours of video footage to go through before they'll let me see vantas please come hold my hand. You don't get an immediate reply, so you start going through the files.

You see that you have lots of raw footage. As far as you can tell, no editing was done at all. You are going to be doing a lot of skipping and fast forwarding, is what you're saying. Opening the first file, you get started. It starts with him getting you into his ship, and his quarters. Your hands clench as you watch yourself wake up, the combination of anger and panic on your face as he fucks you, how it turns to lust and desperation. You fast forward.

You fast forward a lot. A lot of this, you remember, and don't much want to go over it again. From a third person perspective, it's weird watching him with you. Watching you with him. (You don't remember the times you tried to make a shank--three times--or biting him as often as you as you actually did.) You can see the moments of concern or confusion on his face, see him arguing with Egbert and Harley. Or meeting some official. (Those are the times when you can remember having been locked in your room. )

Snippet the Second: (Build a Life from Scratch)

After some more talk you all break camp and head west. As you all walk, you stretch your Aspects out, figure out what they can do. It's at least half way to sense for danger, half to practice. You might lay down a "beat" that Redglare joins in on, that Disciple sings along to, that Zahhak hums absentmindedly. Or Jade and Signless have a "song" that Dolorosa joins in on, accompanied by Disciple. Demoness can sound like an entire choir, with Highblood coming in over the top, "sounding" something like a theremin crossed with a bass fiddle. Dave joins in, and Roxy, doing odd little solos or "duets" with one of the trolls, or with Jade.

The next few nights not much happens. The terrain is uneven, the sky is endless, and the air is muggy and damp. There are a few high-flying clouds that disappear by morning. You can see mountains in the distance, and the glinting snake of a river edged with trees. On the third day, you get closer to the river, it starts to get cloudier and the wind kicks up. In the early evening, you can see the wall of an approaching storm. It's a solid green-black wall, and you can see the trailing mists of rain as it dumps down, along with flickers of lightning. "Well, that's going to suck when it gets here," you say.

At the same time you hear this huge sliding crunch off to the side. Exactly like someone pulled up a whole hell of a lot of chunks of ground, all at once. You turn in that direction and see huge chunks of dirt and rock floating around Jade and the Demoness. "Hopefully we can make it suck less!" Jade says cheerfully. The chunks orbit Jade and Demoness as they began to quickly create a shelter. Everyone helps with pounding the dirt and rocks into a rough shelter big enough to hold everyone plus the not-horses. Demoness and Jade (with help from Alter Dave and Dolorosa) smooth out the inside and make everything solid and waterproof.

You all get inside as the storm hits. Roxy pulls out a couple of battery powered lanterns, and sets them up. "Getting better at that," you say.

She grins. "This trick's kind of fun," she says. "Watch." She shows you everything she can make appear, and then disappear. She starts with green cubes, then goes on to various toys, a pair of shoes, a laptop computer, a 3rd Edition Dungeon and Dragons Player's Handbook and DM Handbook. And various sets of dice. And a DM screen. "So, how about a game?"

"That game's for nerds," you scoff.

She rattles one of the clear tubes of dice at you. "Dirk, you are in fact a nerd." She tosses the tube at you, and you catch it reflexively. She also tosses one at Alter Dave, who steps back and lets it fall.

"Nah," he says. "I want to be Debbie."

Roxy laughs, eyes a little bright. "Rose had a brief stint of leaving Chick Tracts in odd little places. I covered the door to her bedroom with a print of The Time of the Dark."

"The one with the wizard sitting in the kitchen with can of beer?" You ask.

"Yep!"

"Mean," Dave says. "Isn't Hambly kinda homophobic?" Quickly. "Not that I would know, except from what my Rose might have ranted about a time or two because she's read a few of the writer's series. I'm way too cool for wizards."

"Wizards are extremely cool," Roxy says. "And I'm not sure one way or another, except yes, if she had written certain books today the way she had then, she would be up to her ears in angry letters and tweets, because holy crap."

It turns out trolls also have roleplaying games. Redglare, Disciple and Signless join in. To your surprise, so does Demoness. Highblood, the Dolorosa and Zahhak do not.

#writing #homestuck #ai no kusabi #update #untamed #plot weasels

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toothpastecanyon · 4 years

Text

Noie’s Brother, Chapter 21: Rewrite

FINISHED!! Thank you @feferipeixes for betaing this story!

Fate sometimes rhymed, but Alcor felt like this one was a little on the nose. A newborn Mizar fading away in the hospital and a loving father pleading to him from behind a circle of candles.

Fate sometimes rhymed, but Naomi Argenta just wants this stupid vampire to stop harassing her brother. It’s making him go… weird.

See most updated version on Archive of Our Own.

______________________________________________________________

Noie had to run. She dashed down the halls, clutching a textbook to her chest and forcing air in and out of her mouth. The door was just to the right - she was nearly there, nearly there, there!

She crashed into the door and staggered into a lecture hall full of people. A few turned to look at her - she reddened at that - but most of them paid no attention.

The professor continued talking, and she slipped past him to take her seat.

“-in microeconomics, it is often observed that the opportunity cost - which is the cost incurred by not choosing the next best option, for those of us who need a reminder - the opportunity cost is often evaluated in terms of…”

Noie reached the back of the class, and slid into place beside an elven woman in fuzzy pyjamas. The woman cracked a smile at Noie as she hurriedly unzipped her backpack.

“Someone likes to be fashionably late.”

“I know, I know.” She took out her magi-orb. “It wasn’t my fault this time, the library printer jammed while I was trying to print out- Oh, what did I miss?”

“Uh, econ stuff?”

“Bea…” Noie stared down at her empty desk. “Why don’t you take notes?”

(And stars, she thought, she sounded just like Dipper there)

“Don’t need ‘em. I know this shit already.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Bea winked at her. “I know lots of things, Silver. You coming to debate club tonight?”

Noie made a face as she opened her textbook. “I don’t know. I don’t think I did very well.”

“I would argue that’s inaccurate.”

“I got yelled at for speaking out of turn.”

“Yeah, and the look on your face was fucking hilarious.” Bea chuckled and nudged her. “Hey, you forgot the rules for a second. Big whoop. You’re new. Come back, alright? I liked your section.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you made good points and all that. And you didn’t talk like a mile a minute, so I could actually hear ‘em, too.”

“Oh.” Noie flashed a smile at her. “Thanks. Uh, I guess I could go back, then?”

“You’re guessing correctly, Silver.” Bea looked at her for a moment. “So… you gonna boot up that magi-orb of yours anytime soon?”

“Huh? Oh, right!”

Noie fiddled around with the base of the orb until she found the button. It was a strange thing, like a crystal ball mounted on top of some hardware. It booted up and instantly went to her notes, which was convenient but… weird, that it knew exactly what she wanted.

Magitech was weird, Noie thought. She didn’t really like it.

______________________________________________________________

Noie lay on her bunk bed, absentmindedly scrolling through her phone as her magi-orb sat open on her lap. The dorm around her was small, but cozy. It was a little messy, with some clothes on the floor and a couple papers strewn around her desk, but clean enough for a college student.

Besides, the clothes weren’t hers. There was laughter and the jangle of keys; Noie cut her eyes towards the door as it opened.

“-did not do that!” A woman burst into the room with raucous laughter. “Hahaha, J, you’re such an asshole! Get outta here! Go! I’ll see you later!”

She then slammed the door, loud. Noie raised her eyebrows.

“Hi, Val.”

“Huh?” Val looked over at her. “Oh, yo, Noie! How’s it going!”

“Uh, pretty good.” She switched off her phone. “Just doing my homework.”

At that, Val chuckled. “You’re always doing your homework, aren’t you?” She took off her jacket and dropped it on the floor. “When do you even have fun, dude?”

“I have fun!”

“Oh, yeah?”

“I do!” Noie curled up a bit. “I’ll have you know, I’m the fun twin.”

“Hah! So where’d you go last night, again?”

“...Debate club, but-”

Val cut her off there with a cackling laugh, and Noie scowled. She turned back to her phone.

“No, no, dude,” Val tapped the side of bed, still chuckling. “We’re cool, dude, we’re cool. You do whatever nerdy shit you like, okay? I don’t care. I love it.”

Noie shot her a tight smile, and she snorted.

“Aw, come on, dude, take a joke.” She looked around the room. “Yo, did you clean up in here again? It looks great!”

“Yeah. I did the bathroom, too.”

“Man, that is awesome! You’re awesome! See,” Val reached over and nudged her shoulder. “this is why I like you! I don’t have to worry about anything when I’m here!”

“That’s-”

“Oh, was gonna tell ya! I’m not gonna be here over the weekend - I’m going over to Joss’s.” She grinned at Noie. “He’s gonna throw, like, the best halloween party - dude, I can’t wait. It’s gonna be lit.”

“That sounds cool. What costume are you wearing?”

Val only sniggered in response. Noie looked over at her.

“What?”

“Nothing, dude, nothing. Oh my stars, you’re precious, did you know that? I love you.”

“What?” She raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, you’ll understand when you’re older.”

“We’re… the same age? What do you mean?”

Val just shook her head and took her phone out. She disappeared under the bottom bunk, and Noie rolled her eyes.

“Oh-kay. Good chat. Whatever.” She stared at her phone for a few seconds, then kicked off her covers. “I’m going outside.”

“Mhm… What did you say?”

Noie stalked across the room and out into the hall, fist balled around her phone as she brought up Dipper’s number.

Outside, she called him up. Her phone rang once, twice, and then put his face on screen.

Dipper’s face. She just got a look at his fuzzy beard before he adjusted the camera. He was lying on the floor, surrounded by papers, and he shot her a crooked smile.

“Hey, Noie! Just doing homework, what’s up?”

“Oh my stars I am turning into you.”

“What?”

“No, no, it’s fine. It’s fine.” Noie laughed it off nervously. “Heyyy, Dipper! Dipperino. How you doing, bro?”

“Pretty good!” He looked down at his papers, and shrugged. “Just, uh… just doing homework. What’s up with you?”

“You know what people do at a Halloween party?”

“A Halloween party? Uh… dress up, I g-”

“Yeah! So I’m not crazy!” Noie paced underneath a tree. “That’s what I told my roommate, but she seemed to think I was being stupid about it or something!”

“Oh, that-”

“And she still acts like I’m her maid or something! What’s up with that? I got 24 hours in my day just like her; why do I have to spend my time cleaning up our room while she goes partying!”

Dipper made a face. “Yeah, I’m sorry, Noie. That really sucks.”

“Ugh. Ugh.” She rolled her eyes. “Roommates.”

“Heh, yeah.”

“What, you got roommate troubles like me?”

“Oh, no, I just - I was just sympathising. Roy’s cool!” Dipper gave a thumbs up to someone offscreen, then smiled back at her. “We made a chore wheel.”

Noie slumped against the tree. “Oh, I wish Val would agree to a chore wheel. I even made one up for her and hung it on the wall, but she didn’t even notice it!”

“Did you… tell her it was there?”

“No, but she’s gone all the time, I never remember to talk to her when she’s there.” Noie’s frown deepened. “Besides, why’s that even my responsibility? She’s an adult, just like me! She should know how to do her stupid chores by now; I shouldn’t have to tell her to do it!”

“Yeah…” Dipper made a face. “Yeah. What are you gonna do now?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, maybe you could talk to an RA, or-”

“Ugh, I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to blow it into a massive thing - I mean, it’s fine! I’ll survive.” She shrugged at him. “I dunno. Am I being a downer? I’ll stop being a downer now.”

“No, no, you don’t have to-”

“So, how’s the week been treating you, bro?” Noie crossed her legs and leaned forwards. “Is it just more of the homeworks for you, or…?”

“No, no, actually, I went to, uh, spellcasting club, actually!” Before she could open her mouth, he added: “Online. They stream it, and you can join the stream. And I-I wasn’t participating - obviously - but it was cool.” He grinned, and his eyes twinkled with excitement. “Really cool. And the teacher stayed later, and we had this whole conversation about enchantments… you’re probably not interested in the details, but it was really fascinating!”

Noie beamed at him “Aww, yeah! That sounds so cool, bro! I’m so glad you got to do that.”

“Yeah!” He rubbed the back of his neck. “And, uh, I don’t have class Wednesday, so I went back and visited Grandpa.”

“How’s he!”

“Doing okay! Doing okay… He says he misses you.”

“Hah! Good one.”

She laughed at that, but Dipper didn’t join in. “No, seriously,” he said. “He was talking about how he can’t wait to see us all back together on Christmas.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Dipper’s voice lowered. “I… I think he’s kinda lonely in the house, Noie. You know… ever since Grandma…”

He trailed off there, and she looked away. She stared at a little patch of grass off to the right, and it was quiet for a moment. The only sound was the rustle of the wind.

“Yeah…” Noie felt herself say. She cleared her throat. “Yeah, I bet he… is.”

There was a noise on Dipper’s end as a door opened and closed. He sighed. “Yeah.”

There was a pause, as he seemed to think over his next words. Then:

“Have you thought about… giving him a call this week?”

Noie made a face. “Yeah, I should… I should do that.”

“You don’t have to, but he’d like that, I think.”

“No, no, I should. You’re right, I should.” She shrugged. “I just, I dunno… I don’t know what to say, I guess?”

“That’s understandable. Maybe just something like hi, how are you doing? Then go from there. It doesn’t have to be long.”

“Yeah… you’re right. You’re right, I’ll do that.” She looked back at him, and managed a smile. “Thanks, Dipper. I love you.”

“I love you too, Noie.”

She beamed at that. “Man, I just wanna hug you right now! Why aren’t there video hugs? Someone needs to get on that!”

“Heh, that would be cool.”

“And I just wanna poke your cute little beard, too. I love it.”

Dipper’s hand went to his chin. “Cute? I mean, thanks, but I don’t think cute is the right-”

“It’s soooo cuuute and soooo little-”

“Okay, ha ha. You’re very funny.”

“And you’re a big dork.” She snickered at him. “It looks great, bro. I’m just teasing.”

“Really?”

“Yeah!”

“It doesn’t look too thin, or-”

“Nope! It looks great on you, seriously.”

“Oh… thanks!” He stroked it, and grinned. “Thanks, Noie!”

“Anytime.” She watched as he shuffled through some papers. “Welp, I won’t keep you. Have a good day, Dipper!”

“Thanks, you too! See you on Friday!”

“See you on Friday,” Noie said, and the video feed shut off with a beep. She stared down at her phone, and found herself still smiling.

It was good to talk to Dipper, she thought. Things never felt as bad after one of their chats.

She didn’t go back to her dorm right away. She turned her phone off, and just sat on the grass for a little while.

It was peaceful. It was nice.

______________________________________________________________

>im at the parking lot. wheres this place again?

>Down the main street where all the shops are on the right, you’ve probs passed it before. It’s got a black sign that says ‘Tree’s Teas’

>If we see you pass by we’ll all scream for you. You won’t miss us ;)

Noie made a face at that last text from Bea as she walked down the street. Hopefully she wouldn’t miss this place.

“Alright,” she said, and looked up at the signs. “Tree’s Teas, Tree’s Teas. Where are you?”

She passed by sign after sign, glanced in window after window. It was a hot day; there weren’t very many people out on the streets, and she could feel the sun beating down on her hair.

Why they were going for tea on a day like this, Noie had no idea, but she still felt her heart skip a beat as she caught sight of the sign.

They were going to tea. They.

Noie took a deep breath, and opened the door.

“Is that who I think it is?” Bea’s voice came with a rush of cool air. She was sitting by a group of other students, waving her over. “Ey, Silver! You found us!”

She laughed nervously. “I, uh, found you! Hi Bea, hi…”

She recognised a few faces from debate club, but not their names. The others were even more of a mystery - thank the stars Bea immediately launched into an introduction.

“You know Gus and Meena from Tuesday. And, ah-” She pointed a finger at the other three. “That’s Sara, Mako, and, uh - what’s your name? Heh, just kidding, dude - he’s Jess.”

Noie tried for a wave. “Hi. I’m… Noie. Nice to meet you?”

“Yo, Noie.”

“Nice to meet you too!”

“Hi!”

Smiles and greetings filtered in, and she allowed herself a smile. Maybe this would be fun.

“Cool! Nice to, uh… So, I just get a drink, and we study together?” Noie looked over at the menu; there were a staggering number of options there. “Jeez, these guys are serious about their tea, huh? Think they’ll kick me out if I order a soda?”

Bea snorted. “Blasphemy, Silver. No, you gotta order a tea! They’re really good here!”

“Alright… which one should I do?”

“Dude, you should get the macha!” One guy - was he Gus? - held up his drink. “It’s my favourite!”

“Or you should try the chai!”

“Or apple cinnamon!”

Noie made a face. “Thanks? I guess I’ll, uh, pick one of those.”

“Or I could go up there with you?” One of them, a woman with bright purple hair, looked up. She spoke quietly. “I, um, I work here, actually, so I could walk you through it…”

“Oh, that sounds great.” Noie smiled at her. “Sara, right?”

“Yeah.” She got up from her magi-orb. “Alright. And I can give you my, my employee discount, too.”

“Oh, sweet! Thanks!”

Bea waved at them as they went over to wait in line. There was an awkward silence as they stood there, just a little too far away from the group and not entirely sure what to say to one another.

Noie cleared her throat. “So,” she started. “You like… tea?”

“Yeah…” Sara nodded. “I get a free cup every shift.”

“Oh. Sweet. That’s… fan-tea-ast… uh…”

“What?”

“Bad pun, sorry. Butchered that.”

“Oh…”

They moved forward in line. Noie glanced her way, and then scuffed her foot on the tile. Oh, stars, she shouldn’t have tried a pun. Now this lady probably thought she was a weirdo.

“Hey,” Sara looked over at her. “Were you from Diamondback High?”

At that, Noie frowned. “Yeah? Why?”

“I went there too!”

“What?”

“Yeah, I remember you from my history class senior year.” She smiled at Noie. “You have a brother, right?”

“Yeah, Dipper! He’s going to SASU, he’s my twin.”

“Ohmystarsyouretwins.”

“What, you didn’t know?”

“No! I- well, duh, you guys were in the same year, I should’ve figured it out.” She smacked her head, and Noie chuckled. “I’m dumb, ignore me.”

“No, no, it’s cool.” She picked at her shirt. “Seriously, we were in the same history class?”

“Yeah! You don’t recognise me?”

“I… uh-”

“I get it, don’t worry about it.” She ran a hand through her purple hair. “I didn’t have this until I went to college. Trust me, I look pretty generic without it.”

“No, your face looks really nice!” Noie blinked. “I mean - sorry, I didn’t mean to be weird-”

“You’re fine. You’re fine. Thank you, Noie.” Sara grinned at her. “You know, I, uh, always wanted to talk to you. Back in highschool.”

“Really? Why?”

“I dunno, you guys - you and Dipper - you seemed like really cool people. To me.” A little red was sneaking into her face. “I dunno, you guys just seemed like you were always having fun with each other, and… I dunno. I dunno, it seemed cool.”

Noie stared at her for a moment before cracking a smile. “Aw. You should’ve.”

“Yeah, I should’ve! I, uh… I dunno. I’m kind of… bad with people. Sorry.”

“No, don’t apologise!” She hesitated, and then bumped Sara’s shoulder. “No time like the present, huh?”

“Yeah. Yeah! Nice to meet you, Noie.”

“Nice to meet you too…”

“Sara.”

“Sara, sorry. Bad with names.”

“No, it’s totally okay-”

“Hi! Are you ready to order?”

Noie and Sara stared at the cashier waving them forwards, and then blinked at each other.

“Oh… oh!” Noie turned to the person standing behind them. “Why don’t you go ahead of us? I still need to decide.”

After a moment, Noie ordered her tea, and sat back down among the group. It was a little new, a little awkward to sit with so many people… but the longer she sat there, the more she was aware of a great big beaming grin on her face. It was nice to be here - really nice.

She sat back, and sipped her tea, and let the hours slip by.

______________________________________________________________

11:47. Dammit, she should be at class by now.

“Come on, submit!” Noie stabbed a finger at her magi-orb. “Submit! Submit, you stupid thing!”

It kept loading. She huffed and stomped her feet into her shoes.

“Come on, come on… wait, no internet? Seriously?!” Noie tapped aggressively at the white error message that popped up. “No! No, you can’t do this to me! What happened? Did the internet go down? Arghhh, I don’t have time for this!”

She paced around the room for a second, hands on her temples. She had to submit her slideshow - the presentation was in ten minutes! Why did she always do this to herself?!

“I gotta… I gotta fix this.” Noie clicked to troubleshoot her wifi problems, hesitated, then opened her desk. She hadn’t cleaned it out since highschool - maybe she had a USB in here or something?

Stars, she hoped she did. She rifled through random papers and pieces of old homework, growing increasingly desperate as the minutes ticked by too fast and oh fuck it was 11:50 now she was definitely going to be late-

“Oh!” Noie happened upon something small and grey and rectangular - a USB! “Oh, yes! Thank you thank you thank you!”

She kissed it and then plugged it into her magi-orb. After pulling up her files, she copied her slideshow and went over to paste it into the USB’s drive-

And there, she paused. Frowned.

“Huh?” She moused over a file titled ‘For_Naomi.mov’. “It’s… for me? What is this?”

She had never seen this before in her life… or had she? The longer she stared at it, the more something came back to her; an awful feeling of déjà vu flooded through her like ice in her veins, and she felt her heart beat faster. She felt her head begin to pound behind her eyes. She stared longer, and she almost saw flashes of something, someone, a dark figure looming over her, digging its claws into her stomach and ripping out-

Noie staggered back, panting hard. She was shaking all over.

“What the…? The fuck?” Noie felt her stomach, then looked back up at the screen. “What the fuck?”

Nothing answered her. The only sound was the hum of the air conditioner. She gulped down air, and tried to steady her heartbeat.

She shuffled forwards. “Well… that was…” she tapped the screen to minimise the file. “That was… something. Okay. Oh-kay.”

Her head had stopped hurting, but everything still felt strange. She stood over the magi-orb, just breathing for a moment. In, and out. In, and out.

In, and her eye was drawn to the clock. 11:53. She let it out in a sigh.

“I’m gonna be so late.”

Noie glanced down at the USB, and grimaced at the way it set her brain tingling - it was like pins and needles inside her skull. Whatever was on it, whatever that file was…

She’d deal with it later.

The presentation was twenty percent of her grade, and the internet hadn’t come back, and this still seemed like a perfectly fine USB, so she took a deep, shuddering breath and decided to brush over this for now.

She copied her slide onto the drive, rubbing her head and trying not to look at the file with her name on it.

This was fine, she thought. Everything was fine.

Her head hurt when she wondered what was on it, so she tried not to think too hard about that. She thought about getting her keys and getting her bag and getting out the door. On the way to her class, Noie rehearsed her lines, pointedly ignoring the weight in her pocket.

There was a flash of something as Noie tiptoed into the back of class. It was cold in here, but she was sweating. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible… had happened? Was happening?

She stared through every presenter, tapping the desk with the USB. The weight of it, the slight curve to it that fit around her thumb-

picking it up from the ground gripping it shouting where’d he go WHERE’D HE GO-

“Naomi Argenta?”

Noie stiffened. The man who called her name had wings and a suit and glowing yellow eyes- then he was just her professor.

“Do you have your presentation?”

“P… presentation?” Noie nodded, stiffly. “Yes. Yes, I-I have it. I just need to plug it… in.”

“Alright. You’re next.”

tore apart the angel horrible screams looking at her like YOU’RE NEXT-

The presentation was… awkward. Noie liked to think she was an okay public speaker - she didn’t need to rehearse something a million times to sound natural. That day, though, she really wished she had a script to fall back on; she stumbled through her words, talking fast, breathing fast, gripping the microphone with white knuckles and trying to think past the pain behind her eyes and the flashes in her vision-

“A-and there was, there was this presi-, uh, president, Ch-Chancellor-”

A voice in her ear, a laugh, “a very pro-nat President you guys elected a hundred years or so back-”

She got through it, and was met by scattered applause. Class was nearly over. She took the USB, and sat back down at her desk.

desk and looking over at dipper knowing what he is KNOWING WHAT HE IS-

What was going on? What was happening to her? She groaned into her hands, acutely aware of the heads she was turning right now; just a little longer, then she’d be able to go back to her dorm. Just a little longer, then she’d be able to sort this out.

...Stars, she hoped Val wouldn’t be there.

The pain behind her eyes just kept pounding away at her, and it felt like eons before this class was finally dismissed. As soon as she heard chairs moving, Noie stumbled out of her seat and started off on the walk across campus.

It usually wasn’t that bad of a walk, but today it seemed to drag on. Time seemed to stretch, and suddenly each footstep

felt like

eternity.

Leon’s eyes. They closed, and accepted their fate.

I want you to know that I don’t regret a thing.

A man’s voice echoed from the pain behind her eyes, and Noie staggered into her dorm room. Her eyes went right to Val’s bed; when they saw it empty, they fixed on the magi-orb.

Slowly, almost reverently, Noie took the USB out of her pocket. She was going to find out what was on it

and why there was a part of her that already knew.

She closed the door. Locked the door. Walked to the magi-orb, and sat herself down before it.

Breathed. In, and out.

Plugged the USB into the base. Saw her name once again - ‘For_Naomi.mov’.

Clicked on it

and watched

and felt the pressure behind her eyes suddenly pop and-

Oh. Oh.

Oh, no.

______________________________________________________________

It was dark in Noie’s dorm. The lights were off - had been off all through the night - and the early morning sun glowed against the blinds.

Noie was there. Lying in bed, on top of her covers. Her phone screen illuminated the deep bags under her eyes, the creases on her forehead, the sheen of sweat that had collected in her hairline.

She hadn’t slept all night. How could she? If she closed her eyes, she’d start thinking, and if she started thinking, she’d think about her brother and how he was Alcor the Dreambender and how it felt to have his claws dig into her belly and-

Noie felt her whole body shiver. She shifted in bed a bit, and stared down at her phone.

No. No, she wasn’t going to think about that. It didn’t seem real.

Maybe it wasn’t real.

Maybe this was all, like, a really intense dream she’d had. All that stuff with the angel and the vampire and… him, that wasn’t her life! That wasn’t the kind of person she was! It wasn’t!

Noie could see her hands. Her palms were sweaty - in the darkness, the shine looked a little like blood.

She gulped. It wasn’t.

It couldn’t be.

She didn’t stab him.

______________________________________________________________

Noie woke to the sound of her phone ringing. She groaned; her head felt awful, and when she moved a hand to cover her face she felt the weight of her phone - she’d gone to sleep with it in her hands.

Why’d she do that? And why was it… night outside? She sat up, and looked down at her phone.

Dipper Argenta was calling her.

She saw his face, and everything came back to her like a kick in the teeth - oh, god. The phone rang again, and she flinched and tossed it to the ground.

It sat there, ringing, ringing, ringing. Noie curled up tight and plugged her ears with shaking hands.

Ringing.

…

Silence.

She sniffed, and opened her eyes. Her phone was lying still on the carpet; she stared at it for a second, and then shuffled out of bed to pick it up.

Her stomach growled as she got to her feet. Her legs felt weak. She knelt down, and picked up her phone, tapped the screen, squinted as it turned on.

6:23

Friday, October 29

Dipper Argenta - Missed call

Noie sighed. Of course… she was supposed to call him today. What the fuck was she supposed to do about that?

The phone rang again. Noie jerked back and banged her elbow on the edge of her desk.

“Ow! Fuck!” She jerked it back, and glared at the phone. “Argh, Dipper, you… you demon.”

It felt weird to say it out loud. The phone kept ringing, ringing, ringing, and she opened her mouth.

“You… You…” She stared at his dorky profile picture, the one they’d taken on a trip to the Grand Canyon last year.

She stared at the gentle grin on his face, the way his hand came up to stroke his patchy stubble. And to think, all this time, buried underneath that, underneath him…

“Y-” she tried, but her throat had gone tight. The words wouldn’t come. Her phone finally stopped ringing, and her brother's smiling face faded to black.

Noie took a deep, shuddering breath, and turned off her phone.

______________________________________________________________

Maybe this wasn’t that big a deal.

It was three in the morning on a Saturday, and Noie was wondering if, you know, maybe it wasn’t the end of the world if her brother was a meaty shell formed around a bloodthirsty demon. He was still a demon, yeah, but as long as the demony bits like the wings and the claws and the urge to kill stayed locked away, you’d never be able to tell!

So in a way, nothing had changed, right? Just don’t bring up the demon thing, and it could still be normal between them.

Noie stared up at the ceiling. She stared up at the moment she slit her brother’s throat, at the terror shining in his eyes, the terror of her. She stared until she couldn’t anymore, and pressed her hands to her face.

Stars, she never wanted to see that again as long as she lived. If she could get things even halfway normal after that, well…

Well, she didn’t know.

…

She didn’t know what she wanted to do.

______________________________________________________________

Noie didn’t know what time it was. She didn’t know what day it was. But sometime late at night on her magi-orb, she heard keys jangle outside her dorm. Her heart caught in her throat as the handle turned; for a moment, she imagined she’d see Dipper on the other end, see his golden eyes glowing in the darkness, see-

See her roommate Val peek her head in, then raise her eyebrows as she caught sight of her.

“Wow, you still awake?” Val cracked a smile. “Lemme guess: some kinda homework shit. Am I right or am I right?”

Noie tried to form words, but they caught in her throat. She just stared as Val shut the door.

“You not gonna say anything?” A pause. Val’s chuckles died off. “No? You, uh… you alright there, dude? Noie?”

She just shook her head. A sob came out of her, and suddenly the lights came on.

“Whoa, whoa!” Val stood on the ladder, her bewildered expression looming over Noie. “What’s the matter, dude? What are you doing? Why are you surrounded by… soup cans? And- are those dry noodles? What the fuck?”

Noie tried to cover them with a blanket. “I-it’s fine… Val, d-don’t-”

“Uh, no it isn’t? You look like you haven’t slept all weekend, dude.”

“I-”

“And your hair. Eugh. When’s the last time you showered, ‘cause it’s officially been too long.”

Noie clenched her fists. “I-it’s fine, Val. Leave me alone.”

“Oh, come on. I’m only trying to help.”

“Leave me alone!” She snapped, and watched Val flinch away. She sighed. “Sorry. Look, it’s just… it’s just complicated, okay? Thank you for the offer, but it’s just… you can’t help, so just leave me alone. Please.” She turned back to her magi-orb. “Let me figure this out.”

There was a moment of silence as she tapped away at the screen. Val shuffled her feet, then cleared her throat.

“Okay.” She said. Then: “You wanna smoke?”

“What?”

“I just got a pack, if you wanna-”

“No! Just leave me alone!”

Val put up her arms. “Okay, okay, you don’t have to be rude about it. Sheesh.” She then turned off the lights. “Well, I’m going to sleep. Good luck with your issues, dude.”

She got into her own bed, and Noie sat there in silence. She looked at her magi-orb; there were several articles it had automatically pulled up on demons, and she’d been reading through them before Val came in. As she stared, another one popped up: ‘Fight with your roommate? Browse over 50+ listings in your area with roam4homes.com’

Noie turned it off in disgust. Stupid magi-orb - what was she even doing up this late?

…She had a class in the morning, didn’t she. What was it, Tuesday now? Ugh, yeah, there was no way she was going to that. She felt awful; her head was pounding, and her hands were trembling, and her hair felt dirty and there were little shards of hard pasta in her bed and she was still kinda hungry…

Noie put her face in her hands. This was… she couldn’t go on like this. She was going to fail college. She needed to, to talk to Dipper, maybe, or maybe not… well, she needed to come to a decision about whether she was going to talk to Dipper or not. She needed to do something to resolve this… but what?

She sighed, deeply, then dragged a hand down her face. She looked over at her phone, picked it up, and just held it in her hands. She hadn’t turned it on since Friday; there were bound to be a lot of missed calls on there.

Yep, it was probably going to make her feel awful.

Yep…

…

Her stomach growled. She hesitated, and then sat up in bed.

Maybe she should get something to eat first.

______________________________________________________________

“Here’s your order, ma’am. One crispy fried fish taco and a medium soda.”

“Thank you so much!”

“Thank you for stopping by, have a good night.”

“You too, dude!”

Noie stopped for a minute to smell her order before placing it on the seat next to her and driving off. It smelled nice and warm and fishy; Bea said it made her car stink - and yeah, maybe it was a little strong - but she couldn’t see why it smelled bad. It brought her back to drive-through dinners, her grandfather piling everyone into the car and setting out on the road. They used to do them a lot after Allie stopped cooking… it was fun, back then, sitting in a car with her family all around her. It was comforting, and right now, a little comfort sounded good.

Noie parked her car under a streetlight in a near-empty parking lot. She took a deep breath, and let it out. She looked at her phone, which sat still turned off in a cupholder.

She took a bite of her taco, chewed a little… and then turned it on. It booted slowly; the silence hung for a few, awful moments, before it came to life.

The first thing she saw was the time: it was 3:30 in the morning. Then there were her missed calls. She had twenty. Her texts were filled up, too - one of them was from Bea asking to hang out, but the rest were all Dipper:

Sent last Friday at 6:31pm

>You there?

>Today is our weekly meeting, btw. That’s why I’m calling.

Sent last Friday at 6:40pm

>Let me know when you want to reschedule!

Sent last Saturday at 8:06pm

>Are you okay?

Sent last Saturday at 9:17pm

>If you’re busy with homework or something that’s fine. Just text me when you get this.

Sent last Sunday at 11:57pm

>Please call me, Noie.

Oh… whoops. Noie could feel herself cringing into her seat as she scrolled through his messages. Yep, that was… expected. He was probably worried sick by now, and at that she gave a dry smile.

Her brother, Alcor the Dreambender, was worried sick about her. Stars, but it was true, wasn’t it? He used to get worried if she got home from work too late; she only could imagine how frantic he’d be after getting ghosted for a whole weekend.

Noie had no idea what she was going to do with him, but the pang in her stomach made her type out a short reply:

Sent last Tuesday at 3:37pm

>Still alive. Sorry.

She sent it off, and took another bite of her taco. Now he was probably going to call her in the morning. What she was going to say to that, she had no-

Bzzzing!

Noie jumped. “Aaah!” She yelped and glanced down at her phone. Dipper was calling. “Seriously? You’re calling me now? It’s three in the- ugh.”

She hit the ignore button, hesitated, then went over to her messages. She could already see Dipper typing something up, so she rolled her eyes and sent a text.

>go to bed, ding dong. well talk in the morning ok?

Dipper’s typing paused for a second, and then continued. She snorted a little at that, then brushed some taco crumbs off of her pyjamas.

His replies popped up in rapid succession:

>Are you okay?

>What happened Friday?

>Also you should go to bed too, it’s 3 in the morning. Don’t you have French at 10 tomorrow?

Despite everything, Noie found herself smiling at his texts. This was so, so... Dipper of him. This was the brother she knew, not Alcor, not some kind of demon.

She made a face.

Even though… that wasn’t true, was it. Because. Dipper was a demon. The brother she knew had always been a demon.

It’s still me. This is still… me.

Always. She just… hadn’t seen it before, hadn’t known, hadn’t wanted to know-

“Noie?” She watches him stagger back, fall against the binding circle. “Y-your eyes… what’s going on?!”

-let people tell her who she wanted him to be, and then…

her hands on the knife across his throat. her hands feeling the tug of parting skin. her hands covered in warm, golden blood, her hands, her hands, HER HANDS-

Noie didn’t realise she was crying until she felt a sob rip through her body. She’d dropped her phone; with shaking hands and blurry eyes, she fished it out of her lap and turned it on.

There was another text from Dipper.

Sent last Tuesday at 3:45pm

>Just call me after that class, okay? Love you, hope everything’s okay. Sleep well <3

Noie stared down at that text, sniffed, and then smiled. It didn’t last long, though; she thought about what she had to do in the morning, and sobbed into her steering wheel.

It was a while before she could bring herself to drive home.

______________________________________________________________

Val had left. The door was locked. Her phone was fully charged, and open on Dipper’s phone number. Noie had even dressed herself for the occasion; she passed some time just looking through her t-shirts, waiting for things to feel right.

Eventually, she sat down at her desk, took in a deep breath, and let it out. There was nothing left to delay this with anymore… but for a moment, she stared at the wood grain on her desk, at the morning sun shining in and putting a soft glow on her carpet.

It had been a weird night. She’d cried a lot. Questioned life. Wondered what the fuck she was going to tell Dipper. Came to a decision, thought it was a terrible idea, talked herself out of it… and then talked herself back into it after every other solution seemed to work out worse.

After all that, she finally felt… not calm, but quiet inside, if that made sense. There was an uneasy stillness in her mind, a lull in her thoughts; it was like she’d worried so much about this conversation that she’d exhausted her ability to worry at all. At this point, whatever happened, happened.

All she needed to do was get this over with, so Noie looked back down at her phone, pressed the call button, and waited.

It rang once.

Then it picked up.

“Noie!”

Dipper. Noie grit her teeth at his face. “Hey,” she said, and then nothing more. Dipper hesitated a moment before replying.

“Uh, hi! Hi!” There was relief in his voice. “Oh, I’m so glad to hear from you! I couldn’t reach you all weekend - I-I thought maybe you’d lost your phone, I didn’t want to freak out Grandpa so I just- I- what happened?” He stared at her unsmiling face. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s…” Noie tried for a smile. “Um, it’s nice to see you.”

He frowned. “It’s nice to see you too? Also, it’s ten fifteen - aren’t you supposed to be at French? You didn’t have to-”

“Are you alone?”

“What?” He looked around his room. “Uh, I think Roy’s at class for the next hour. Why?”

Noie just stared at her brother’s face. She knew it so well; she knew those worried creases in his forehead, that slight tilt of his head as he leaned in closer. A part of her wanted it to stay like this forever - wanted it to stay normal. Human.

“Why? Noie?”

But it couldn’t. She knew that now.

“What’s going on?”

She took another deep breath, and let it out. Didn’t look him in the eyes; she trained them on his chin, and opened her mouth. “Dipper,” she said, slowly, deliberately. “I have to tell you something.”

“What? What is it?”

He was leaning in very close, now. Her eyes slid down to her desk. “I have to tell you… you need to remember. The deal, it’s broken, you need to remember now.”

“Remember? What do you-”

“You’re a demon, remember you’re a demon!” Noie’s head shot up; she stared him down. “Dipper, I remember who you are, you’re Alcor the Dreambender and I need to talk to him- I mean you. I need to talk to the whole you.”

“Wh- what? Argh!” Dipper clutched his head. “I- what are you talking about, Noie? I’m not a- ugh… I’m, I’m not a-”

“Yes you are! You’re Alcor, you took a human form so you could grow up with me. We made a deal so we’d forget but I remember and you have to too, okay!”

Dipper had crumpled out of frame; she could only see the top of his head. “Noie…” he moaned. “I don’t… it’s not… what’s… what’s happ̗͘e͎̭͈̭̗ni̲̫̖̜̬n̫͉g?”

“Please remember, Dipper.” Noie felt a pang of guilt at the pain in his voice. “I’m sorry it hurts. I didn’t want to do this, but it’s the truth, okay? You’re… you’re a demon.”

He wasn’t speaking anymore; she only heard a whimper in reply. There was a wet pop, and then another, and then a tearing sound that made her squirm in her seat.

“Dipper?” She watched as the last bit of his head fell out of frame. “How’re you, uh, taking this? Everything okay?”

Something bumped against the desk. Other than that, it was dead silent. All she could see was the chore wheel at the far end of his dorm; she stared at it, and waited for him.

Waited, until she heard a low, distorted growl. The sound of someone swearing under his breath; a hand coming into frame as it gripped the desk, a tall, suited figure rising up, and locking glowing golden eyes on her.

Alcor the Dreambender.

Noie thought she’d gone past worrying, but she saw him and suddenly she was trembling all over. Her stomach flipped and made her feel sick; it was something about those teeth, those claws, those wings flaring out behind him, those eyes staring her down as he dug inside her and ripped and tore-

“Mizar.” Those eyes; she watched them narrow slightly, then widen. “Naomi.”

Noie forced a laugh. “That’s… that’s me. Hi. F-fancy meeting you here, huh? Ha! Haha! Jokes. I’m funny!”

“N-”

“That was an entrance, huh? Ent-er-ance. En-trance. Enterancé! That’s Spanish for, uh, nothing, I just said it in a, in an accent.” She felt herself leaning back as he opened his mouth. “I-it’s actually, uh, entrada, la entrada, th-that’s Spanish for entrance, s-s-so th-that’s-”

“Naomi.”

Noie stopped talking. She could feel her heart beating in her throat. She closed her mouth and sat there, staring at him. He started to speak, then stopped, sighed, and shook his head.

“This… hold on a moment. Stand back.”

Noie heard that. It took a second to register, but he reached towards the camera and she backed up to the end of the room. She didn’t know what he was doing at first, but then she saw his hand come out through her phone screen; his head appeared, and then his torso, and then he stepped off of her desk and dusted himself off.

“That’s better… Naomi?” His expression fell as he looked at her. “Look, this is… weird, I know. I’m sorry you remembered, that wasn’t meant to happen. What set it off?”

She tried to speak, but nothing came out. After a moment, Alcor nodded to himself.

“The USB.” He picked it up from her desk. “Of course - why didn’t I think of hiding that? Ugh, that’s dumb. I’m sorry.”

Noie swallowed. “I-it’s okay, Dipper-”

“It’s no̕t͟. I made a deal, I promised you wouldn’t have to worry about this anymore, but I… I rushed it.”

She watched his hands ball into fists.

“I just wanted to get away from it all as fast as possible… just like I did with Leon. Just like it! Argh, why can’t I just ge̴̶t į͝ţ t͞h̷ro̵u̵͞g͏͡h̸̸̡ m̢y̨͝ ḩ͢ę̵̡a̡d̵ ͏͝th̸͢a̕t̴̨-” He stopped, and glanced her way. When he saw her flattened against the wall, the echo dropped from his voice. “Sorry. It’s fine… I’m fine, Naomi. I’m not gonna do anything.”

He seemed to think for a moment. In the silence, Noie peeled herself off the wall.

“It’s just…” Alcor started, and then sighed. He straightened. “Well, it doesn’t matter. I’ll do it right this time, Noie, I promise.”

Slowly, he extended a hand. Noie stared at the tips of his claws, then followed his arm up to his face. The demon - her brother’s expression was carefully blank, and the black-and-gold stare he fixed her with still sent shivers down her spine. He’d shaved, she noticed.

“Dipper?”

There seemed so little of her brother to recognise, but…

“Just take my hand, Noie. I’ll put it all back to normal, okay? Like you want.”

“Normal.” Noie gave a wry smile. “That’s what I always wanted, isn’t it.”

Alcor tried for a laugh - it was awkward, familiar. “Heh, uh… don’t worry about it. I… I get it, you know? This is a lot. I’m a lot.” He didn’t quite meet her eyes. “It’s… okay, if you don’t want to deal with it.”

She recognised that tone. She recognised it from fights they’d gotten into, when she’d said something hurtful and Dipper went quiet. She recognised the pang in her chest.

Noie stepped forwards. “Dipper, I-”

“And it’s not like I don’t deserve it.” He was talking faster now, hugging himself. “After everything I did to you, a-and your family, it’s no wonder you don’t want me around like this! I killed your dad! I ruined your life! I was horrible and demonic and a monster and-”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know, I-” Dipper blinked. “Wait, what?”

He was staring at her now, golden eyes wide in astonishment. Noie took a deep breath, and clenched her shaking hands.

“I wanted to say… I’m sorry, Dipper.”

“Why are you sorry? I-”

“Let me talk, okay? Because I’ve been thinking on this, and I owe you an apology. I owe you an apology, Dipper.”

He frowned, but he didn’t speak. Noie grit her teeth.

“It took me a long time to realise I did. It took me all of last week, I barely slept, I ate-” she gestured to her bed, “dry pasta at three AM while I was looking up stories about you, I… well the point is, I know what I did wrong now. I know I didn’t treat you right, bro. And I’m sorry.”

Dipper just looked bewildered. “You think you didn’t treat me right? I ki-”

“I know you killed Leon!” She snapped. “I know, okay? And I’m not saying you didn’t do bad shit, I’m saying we both did bad shit! We both… hurt people, you know?” She shook her head. “I hurt your friend, Lucy Ann. And I hurt y-you.”

Her voice cracked a little. She stood there, looking down at the carpet, trying to get it back under control. Dipper’s eyes were boring into her head.

“I-I sold you out, bro.” Noie managed. “You and your friend, I sold you out to some pro-nat angel because I thought he could fix you.”

“Oh, Noie, I never blamed you. You were possessed, you-”

She shook her head. “I wasn’t possessed. Maybe at the last moment it was the angel who stabbed you, but everything that led up to that? That was me.” A crooked smile, a mirthless laugh. “That was… me. And you wanna know why I did that? I was scared of losing you.”

“That’s unders-”

“I was scared of losing my grip on you. Things were bad, back with Grandpa, okay! Everything with Granny a-and school, everything felt like it was spinning out of control, but you were… you didn’t change up on me. You were always there for me - it was supposed to be the two of us looking out for each other, you know? Not one of us turning into some all powerful demon who… who didn’t need me anymore!”

“No! I need you, Noie!”

“Don’t say that.” Noie stabbed a finger at him. “Don’t say that, Dipper. You don’t need me.”

“I do, I-”

“You don’t need me.” She backed away, shaking her head. “Not in the way I wanted you to need me. Because I needed you to stay human and I slit your fucking throat over it!”

Dipper flinched away from her, eyes wide, mouth open, but saying nothing. Her words hung between them. She took a deep breath, and let it out with a shudder.

“And maybe…” she started. “Maybe that’s what messed me up so bad. About you being a demon. It wasn’t what you are, or what you did… it’s what I did - what I did and never apologised for. It ate me up inside, Dipper.” She swallowed, hard. “It’s been eating at me all week. I couldn’t handle it when I was fifteen, and I… I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

It was silent. Noie hung her head low, and felt the silence stretch. She had nothing more to say but sorry, sorry, sorry… and when she felt a hand on her shoulder, she looked up, wordlessly.

Alcor was there, gazing down at her with his gold-on-black stare, his face framed by his fancy suit and by wings as black as the void… but Dipper was there, too. Dipper was there in the nervous smile he flashed her, in the awkward pat he gave her shoulder, in the stuttering way his words tumbled out of his mouth when he tried to speak.

“It’s… uh…” he tried. “You… want a hug, Noie?”

Noie stared at Alcor, Dipper, her brother for a second. Then, she sniffed, and threw her hands around him. He squeezed back, and she buried her face into his chest as his arms wrapped around her.

It was nice, for a moment. Then something else wrapped around her, something warm like skin but also much, much wider and she looked back and-

“Aaah!”

“Whoa, sorry, sorry!” The darkness swallowing her up suddenly flared out behind Dipper. “Those were just my wings! Sorry!”

She stared. “Just your… just your wings, huh.”

“Yeah, I-I’m sorry, I should’ve known that would, that would be weird-”

“No, no! I’m sorry I freaked out!”

“No, don’t be sorry-”

“No, you don’t be sorry!” She giggled. “We… we’re a pair aren’t we?”

“What do you mean?”

“I guess it’s just… I don’t know! I don’t know, Dipper!” She sat down on the bed. “There’s a lot of things I have to get used to, I guess? Having a demon for a brother.” Her chuckles died out. She looked up at him. “But… I’ll work on it, okay?”

Dipper frowned. “You… don’t want to forget?”

“No. Not again. You’re a demon, Dipper. I don’t want to hide from that anymore. I don’t want to pretend you’re something you’re not.” She smiled. “You’re my brother, Dipper. Everything after that, that’s… I can get used to that, okay?”

Slowly, he gave a smile. “Okay.”

She grinned, and stood up from the bed. “Now let’s try that hug again, huh?”

Dipper sniffed, floated forwards, and wrapped his arms around her. They squeezed each other tight; Noie buried her face into the crook of his shoulder, and closed her eyes.

This was okay, she thought.

They’d be okay.

______________________________________________________________

“Hi! Welcome to Tree’s Teas, how can I- Noie!”

“Ey, Sara!” Noie swaggered over to the counter and slung her arm over the counter. “How’s it going? What’s cracking? Hopefully not the mugs, ha!”

Sara giggled as she raised an eyebrow. “It’s going okay… how are you? You seem kinda excited today!”

“Oh, yeah! I’m hanging out with my friend right now!” She grinned as Sara blushed a deep red. “And! I’m studying econ with my brother, so I’mma need two cups of my usual today!”

“Alright!” She picked up a mug. “By usual, do you mean the one tea I ordered for you last week? The Nutty Chai?”

“Yeah, yeah, that one! It was good!”

“Okay, then!”

Sara turned around to pour the tea. Noie fished around inside her wallet - there were so many receipts in here she could barely find her card.

“So your brother,” Sarah started. “Are you video chatting with him or something?”

Noie opened her mouth-

“Wait, you’re buying two teas, I’m dumb.”

“You’re not dumb.” She cracked a smile. “Maybe I just really like tea, yknow?”

“Heh. We do have free refills.” Sara turned to look at her. “But is he actually in town? Dipper?”

“Yeah!”

“That’s awesome! How long’s he visiting for?”

“Visiting?” The smile froze on her face. “Um…”

She trailed off there; Sara seemed to get the hint.

“Oh, am I asking like a bajillion questions? I’m sorry.” With a nervous laugh, she placed the first cup on the counter. “I haven’t seen him since high school, that was - wow, that was nearly a year ago!”

“Hah! Crazy, right? So much has changed.” Noie stared at steam rising from the mug. “So much has changed.”

“I know, right? So that’ll be… five thirty-nine for the two of them, Noie. Noie?”

Noie looked up. “Huh?”

“Five dollars and thirty-nine cents.” Sara frowned at her from behind the register. “Uh, are you okay?”

“Me?” She barked a laugh, started digging through her wallet again. “Oh, I’m fine! Never better! I was just remembering, um… he’s got a beard now. Dipper. It’s really funny.”

“Funny?” Sara chuckled a little. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Everything, and you’re not allowed to say a word about it.” She handed her card over. “You’ll see, dude. It’s great. He’s so proud of it… I love it.” Her snicker softened to a smile. “I love him.”

Sara grinned. “Aww.”

“Heh… ahem, anyway,” she took the card. “Enough mushy stuff, this is hard study time! We’re not just gonna pass this test, we’re gonna destroy it!”

“Heh, I bet you guys will. Good luck!” Sara blushed a little. “Hey, uh, if you’re still here in an hour, you know, I get off work at five, and-”

“You wanna join the study party?”

“Y-yeah!” She fiddled with her apron. “I mean, if that’s okay, it’s totally fine if it isn’t, I know-”

“Hey. Sara.”

“Yeah?”

“That’d be dope.” Noie pointed a cup of tea at her. “I’ll keep a seat open for you, okay?”

“Oh… okay. Okay!” She gave a grin. “Thanks, Noie. Careful with your tea.”

“Hey, if I spill some, it’s my brother’s. Anyway, we’ll be outside. See you at five!”

“See you!”

Noie walked out of the door, two cups in hand. The patio was shaded and covered in mist makers; it felt quite nice, for such a hot day.

It felt nice to see Dipper there, tucked away in the corner. He was still wearing a suit, but the eyes that looked up at her were warm and brown; the smile he gave her wasn’t stretched, or full of fangs. It was just… him. Dipper. Her brother.

Maybe he was other things, too, but he was always, always her brother.

Noie grinned back at him, and walked over.

#Noie's Brother #transcendence au #fanfiction #dipper #Noie #toothwrites #finished fic

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indigodrawsthings · 3 years

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Update

I just wanted to post a quick update about some writing things. I’ve been slowly moving my story inspired reblogs to a different Tumblr account. I wanted to start posting chapters and things on Tumblr. So that account is @indigowritr if you’re interested in following it. It’s a little more cohesive than this account. Since this one was meant to be more like generalized art inspiration and not just strictly story stuff.

However, I am also kind of debating the idea of deleting all of my stories and starting over from scratch. My grandma passed away from Covid last week and I am not handling it well. I went through this last time I lost someone close to me. Where I had the urge to delete everything I’ve ever written and just started over. I did eventually do that and I don’t regret it. So now I’m dealing with that feeling again. I just don’t really have a way to reach every reader to let them know what’s going on. And I’m afraid of just destroying everything because I have lost stories before by doing that. So if I can just move things into drafts, I’ll probably do that while I try and figure my shit out.

I don’t know. I’m just having a rough time and this had really brought out a lot of insecurities I’ve had about my writing. I never wanted to just outright delete things because they’re already up and people like them. And I didn’t want to just take them apart and rewrite them while they’re up.

But I also need something cathartic? So I’m not sure if I’m going to do it yet. But if they disappear, this is my warning. And if I do decide to do that, they will come back. I’ve just been slowly going through things and working on those insecurities and dealing with grief in this very weird way.

So I’m sorry if this is rambling nonsense. I hope everyone is well.

#personal #update

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lycorogue · 4 years

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Love Square Fluff Week: Part 5 - AU Day

That’s right, folks. I’m still stubbornly working on those @lovesquarefluffweek prompts. It kept me nearly an extra week to decide what I wanted to do with the prompt ‘AU Day’, and only finally figured it out after thinking of an episode of Ouran High School Host Club. It then kept another week - and about 5 different rewrites and major storytelling shifts - for me to actually get the darn thing figured out. I wanted to have the final 3 prompts completed before the end of February, but Life sucks, doesn’t it? I AM still going to work on those final 2 prompts - ‘Your Voice’ and ‘Reveal’ - and I hope to get at least one more up this upcoming week.

UPDATE (3/1/2020): You can now read this story at my other three normal locations: on AO3, on FFN, and on DA.

Without further ado, I revive my Fluff Week story for chapter 5:

Making the Complicated Simple

Summary: The Love Square is as complicated as it’s always been, with Marinette only in love with Adrien, and Adrien only in love with Ladybug. Tikki confesses that she might have a solution to the whole problem, but it ended up making things even MORE complicated. Marinette just wants a simple solution to everything.

Word Count: 4881 Rating: General Audience Spoilers: Major - Rena Rouge and Carapace in Season 2, Puppeteer 2, and Zombizou Minor - Frighteningale, Felix, and Dark Cupid Love Square Side: Adrienette and MariChat (sorta) Romance Level: Collapsing Love Square; attempts to woo

WARNING: This story is probably going to feel trippy until you “get” it.

There he was: Adrien. The love of Marinette's life, although she could never find a way of letting him know, despite her many attempts to do just that.

“Marinette?” Tikki chirped from Marinette's purse.

The teen kept staring longingly at the street poster of Adrien, debating how much trouble she'd be in if she swiped it. Adrien was posed a little seductively, his elbow resting on a counter just behind him, and his other hand running through his hair as he gave a cheeky grin to the camera; his eyes a little heavy. He filled the full poster, meaning he was also life-size. Marinette felt the temptation to lean into the public advertisement board outside their school and just place a long kiss on Poster-Adrien's lips. Germs and embarrassment kept her from following through.

“Marinette!” Tikki tried again. “Just go to him and tell him how you feel.”

“You mean like I did at the wax museum?” Marinette snarkily replied.

“Um.” Tikki sheepishly tucked herself further inside the purse. “Maybe not so dramatically? I'm sure a simple 'I really like you, Adrien' will work.”

“You know I can't do that.” Marinette slumped against the poster so her head was nestled against the arm Adrien was leaning on.

“Just try. Use the poster. Tell him how you feel, but, maybe keep it simple. Like you did in the Valentine, or when you made that video to try to cheer him up.”

“Tikki-” Marinette looked down at her kwami, but Tikki simply waved for her to go on. Looking around, Marinette discovered she was alone. The streets were surprisingly empty for such a sunny afternoon. She checked her phone to see if there was an akuma alert she somehow missed, but all she saw was a white screen with black font reading 'NOTHING WRONG'.

Shrugging it off, she deeply inhaled, plotting out what she'd say. Turning to the poster, Marinette became just as shy and warm as she normally would be around the actual Adrien.

“Adrien,” she started meekly, “I need to tell you something. I should have told you this long ago. I love you. I've loved you practically since we first met. You are amazing, and I hope you know that.”

“That was perfect, Marinette!”

Marinette looked at her friend upon Tikki's encouraging words. A smile slowly grew on her face, her cheeks pinking.

“It was very sweet,” Adrien's voice chimed in.

Marinette jumped, and looked up at the poster. Adrien had shifted in it. He was standing upright instead of leaning on the counter, and his one hand was rubbing the back of his neck instead of combing through his hair. His shoulders were hunched, and his cheeks were lightly flushed.

“A-Adrien?” Marinette squeaked in disbelief.

“It's a shame that I only think of you as a friend, but I appreciate how much you care about me.” Adrien stepped down from the poster, rested a hand on Marinette's shoulder, gave her another soft smile, and then walked over to his father's awaiting town car. He waved her goodbye, and climbed into the back seat.

Behind Marinette, the poster restored to Adrien seductively posing against a counter.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

“I told you dozens of times already, Chat Noir. I'm in love with another boy.” Ladybug leapt from one roof to another, her partner racing beside her.

“I know, but isn't it hard to never be able to tell him who you really are? Meanwhile, I already know about your superheroing, M'lady.”

“First of all, Ladybug isn't who I really am. Which means it's actually you who doesn't know the real me.” She stopped to scan the horizon. A large dust cloud kicked up from a street about a kilometer away. That was where the akuma must be. She started off in that direction.

Chat Noir quickly followed. “That's very true, Bugaboo, but wouldn't it be better to be able to talk to your boyfriend about how stressful being a superhero and Guardian is? Plus, I would understand if our dates had to be cancelled because of akuma attacks.”

“We wouldn't be able to have dates. We don't know who the other is.”

“I set up that picnic on the rooftop once. We could do that as dates. And I don't mind not knowing who you are under the mask. I like a little mystery to spice up my relationships.” He landed beside her on another rooftop and winked.

She giggled despite herself, then waved him off with a stern arm slash through the air. “We don't have time for this, Chat Noir!” She scanned the area. It was a wreck, but there was no akumatized supervillain anywhere that she could see. She didn't spot any hurt civilians either, so that was a positive.

Behind her there was a loud rumble. She turned in time to see another large dust cloud.

“He moved this way, hurry up! And no more talk about us dating. You need to give that up, Chat Noir!”

Hooking a flag poll sticking out of a nearby building, she swung herself towards the villain. She never actually found it, but saved the day none-the-less.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

“Okay, enough!” Tikki shouted as Marinette looked longingly at the Adrien collage on her desktop.

“Tikki? You okay?” Marinette pushed away from the desk as she turned to her irritated friend. She had never seen Tikki so riled up before.

“You've been in love with Adrien for months, and nothing has changed. Yet you keep turning Chat Noir down because you can't think of anyone besides Adrien. Clearly you aren't going to move on, are you?”

“N-no. No, I'm not, but-”

“No buts.” Tikki crossed her arms in front of her and shook her head. “That's all the answer I need.” She sighed audibly, hanging her head. “I didn't want to tell you this because I don't like using it, but as the Kwami of Creation, I can even create feelings. I can make Adrien fall in love with you if you really want me to.”

“You can?” Marinette leapt from her chair, scooping Tikki up and practically pressing the little being against her nose. “You truly can?”

“Yes.”

“Then, yes! Please, Tikki? Please? I'll do anything!”

“You do understand that if I do this you can never be sure if it's my magic that makes him love you or if he truly does. Are you prepared for that?”

“Tikki, it's Adrien! Please. I just want him to love me back. Then we can get married, and have three kids, and a hamster. And he'll be my personal model, proudly showing off his wife's amazing work. And then we'll retire to a private island and spend the second half of our lives just cuddling with each other. And-”

“Okay! Okay. I'll do it. You're lucky I love you, Marinette.” Tikki pouted as she gave her holder a long side-eye.

“Oh! Thank you, Tikki! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She placed a large kiss on Tikki's cheek and nuzzled her kwami.

“Fine. I'll be right back.” She giggled off the affection Marinette poured onto her, then zipped through the wall.

Almost instantly, Tikki dashed back through, in a panic.

“Tikki? What's wrong? Did someone see you?”

“This is bad. This is very bad. I'm sorry, Marinette. I didn't mean to.”

“Didn't mean to what?”

Above them, there was a tap on the skylight.

Marinette didn't remember climbing to the roof. She was just there, as if she had teleported to her balcony. She wasn't confused, though. She leaned against the railing and looked across the Seine at the Notre Dame.

“Good evening, my princess.” Chat Noir cooed behind her, making her jump.

“Evening, Kitty. What are you doing here?”

“I had something very important to tell you.” Chat Noir knelt before her and scooped up her hand with his left. In his right was a single red rose. “Marinette, I love you.”

“You- you what?” Marinette screeched.

“I don't know why I never saw it before.” He stood up, her hand still in his, and he inched closer. “You have hair dark as night, but eyes as vibrant as bluebells. You're kind and brave. You're amazing, Marinette.”

There was something about the softness in Chat Noir's voice that last sentence. He quickly flickered into Adrien before flashing back into Chat Noir. She blinked a few times, but the image of Adrien didn't return. As Marinette studied the artificially-green eyes hidden behind a black mask, she remembered exactly who it was that was confessing his love to her. It wasn't the boy of her dreams, like she would have wanted. It was her superhero partner. Marinette was baffled as to why he was confessing to her so out of the blue.

Then it came to her.

“You!” Marinette panicked, ripping her hand from his as she skirted her balcony. “You figured out- You discovered I'm-”

“In love with me too?” Chat Noir interrupted as he followed her around the small space.

“Wait. I'm-”

“I'm sorry, Marinette.” Tikki chirped from her hiding space. “I cast the love spell on him instead of Adrien by mistake.”

“He doesn't know about Ladybug?” Marinette didn't worry about whether or not Chat Noir would hear her. Her balcony was empty anyway.

“No. No, he gave up on his love for Ladybug in favor of you. That's part of the spell.”

“Oh.” Marinette wasn't sure how she'd handle Chat Noir's affections towards her civilian self, but at least being Ladybug would be easier.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

“So what's the plan, L.B.?”

Ladybug was hiding with Chat Noir inside an alley. A red water bottle with black spots was cradled in her hands. She looked around the alley. Nothing. She poked her head out of their hiding spot slightly, scanned, and noticed an abandoned car with the driver's side door open. The nearby light post also looked promising, as did a small patch of sidewalk lining the Seine that had chips and some deterioration already in it.

“Almost got it. I just need to-” She continued scanning. There were a lot of potential pieces to the puzzle, but they didn't quite fit together yet.

“No problem.” Chat Noir took his stick off the small of his back, extended it, and whipped it around himself as he prepared to use it as a weapon. “I'll keep the akuma occupied. How much more time do you need?”

“Um...” She should have had the solution already. She just couldn't get it all to connect. She was distracted. “Spare me as much time as you can. I'll let you know once I've got it.”

“Works for me. Catch ya in a little bit, Ladybug.” No wink. No pun. No pet name. He just did a leaping forward roll out of the alleyway, swinging his stick like a bo staff around him to make sure the coast was clear. He then ran to his right.

He hadn't called her a pet name or otherwise flirted with her the whole attack. Chat Noir was still a little playful and liked showing off his skills, but it wasn't the same level as how he normally acted. He was mostly focused on the akuma. It was weird.

“Pound it.”

Ladybug held her fist out for Chat Noir. The water bottle wasn't in her hand anymore. A woman whose face Ladybug couldn't make out was kneeling in the middle of the street. The magical ladybugs had already returned the street lamp, car, and sidewalk to the way they were before.

“Until next time, Ladybug.” Chat Noir was more attentive of their Miraculouses beeping, and didn't bother trying to stick around despite the time-crunch, unlike how he normally would. He didn't call her 'M'lady' or bow or try to kiss her hand. He simply gave her a quick two-finger salute, then turned to leave.

“Wait!” It was weird. Having him not flirt with her was nice, but also felt very wrong.

“Something wrong, L.B.?”

Yes. Something was terribly wrong.

“You, uh, you didn't flirt or call me M'lady or Bugaboo or anything.”

“You don't like those things.” His eyes narrowed, and an eyebrow quirked up.

“True. I was- I guess I just wondered- You're okay, right?”

“More than okay.” He grabbed her hands, and everything felt normal finally. “Ladybug, I'm in love.”

“I know you are, but-”

“Marinette is just the most amazing girl, isn't she? Thank you for introducing us!”

“Wait, what?” So the spell truly did wipe Chat Noir's love for Ladybug and replaced it with undying devotion for Marinette instead.

“Don't worry, Ladybug. I'll be careful with my identity.” His ring beeped. “Whoops. Gotta go! Take care.” He again saluted her and dashed off.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

“I fixed it.” Tikki phased through the window and landed on Marinette's lap.

“You what?”

“Adrien. I-”

There was a tap on the skylight, increasing in intensity and pace the longer Marinette ignored it. She glared at Tikki, who cringed as she shrugged.

“What is it, Chat Noir?” She was on her balcony, and he was again kneeling before her. His left hand on his heart, and a small bouquet of flowers in his right.

“For you, my fair princess in the high tower.” Chat Noir plucked one of the flowers out of the bouquet, and tucked it in her hair behind her ear. “Want me to make you a crown with the rest?” He winked. She hadn't realized how much she missed his winks.

“This is very sweet of you, Kitty-cat, but I'm sorry. I can't accept these.” She gently pushed the flowers away as she took a step back. “I- You see, I-”

Chat Noir's whole body slumped, and he studied his bouquet as if he could figure out why they were wrong. He had been so happy a couple of seconds ago, and now he was this poor, wounded thing. Marinette knew she should just tell him she loved someone else, but she couldn't find the heart to break him further.

“I can't date you because you're a superhero,” she blurted out. “I, uh, I appreciate the gift, and it means a lot to me that you care so much, but it wouldn't feel right. Ya know, without us being able to actually date or anything.”

“Who says we can't date?”

“Wait, what?” She thought she already had this discussion with Chat Noir as Ladybug. “I mean, it's obvious, isn't it? We can't very well hang out in public together. What if Hawkmoth finds out? I- I could be used against you somehow.”

“Do you need us to be out in public for our hang-outs to be dates? I can still spend time with you, can't I? And I can still show you Paris without anyone else seeing us.”

Marinette folded her arms and raised her eyebrows at him.

Without a word, Chat Noir smirked, and scooped her up in a bridal carry. He then pivoted, and placed her back on her feet, his hands protectively remained on her waist.

They were on the roof of the Notre Dame, watching the Seine drift around the sides, and the lights sparkle in the waters.

“What do you think of the view?” Chat Noir leaned close to Marinette's ear, sending a small chill across her neck.

“It's gorgeous.” As Marinette watched a small ferry float down the river, she leaned against the golden angel statue on the roof of the Palais Garnier. The impressive vocals of the opera performance permeated the glass dome.

“Amazing,” Marinette sighed.

“See?” Chat Noir playfully purred. “I'm even the sophisticated sort. Bet you weren't expecting that.”

Marinette giggled, and turned to look at Chat Noir. The glittering of Paris spread out before them from atop the Eiffel Tower. She walked around the observation deck outside of Gustave Eiffel’s office. It was certainly lovelier without a horde of kiss-obsessed “zombies” coming after them.

As if summoned, Chat Noir stood firm against the kissing zombies. His stick fully extended across the width of the balcony to hold back the dazed reach of the brainwashed citizens pouring out of the elevator. Chat Noir's cheek had lipstick marks, but he hadn't fallen under the spell yet.

“Chat Noir?” Marinette ran up to him, and cupped his cheek with a gloved hand; red with black spots.

“Don't worry. Everything will be fine.” He smiled at her, and the horde disappeared behind him. The lipstick marks remained, but he now stood tall before her, with soft, heavy-lidded eyes.

“You trust me that much?”

“More than you know.” He took her bare hands in his own.

“Probably.” She squeezed his hands, and waited to feel him squeeze back. “You're also a lot sweeter than I give you credit for. You're one of my best friends, Chat Noir, but- but I think you're more than that. I love Alya and Nino and all, and I trusted them with Miraculouses-” Marinette didn't care about identities anymore. This needed to be said, and nothing was going to hold her back. “-but I don't have the same bond with them as I do with you. I'm completely lost without my kitty. Even when I do have to fight alone, it's usually with the resolve to do whatever it takes to bring you back to me.”

She stepped towards him, and he to her. They pressed their foreheads together, each closing their eyes to fully experience the touch. The gentle rumble of the Seine beneath their feet accompanied the soft rattling of the Lover's Locks along the wired fencing of the Pont des Arts.

“So let me stay with you.” Chat Noir whispered. His voice was pleading, but with a strange bravado to it that nearly caused Marinette to whimper with yearning. “I just proved I can take us on dates without anyone else knowing. We have other ways of announcing our love to the world.”

They pulled away from each other, and Chat Noir held out an open padlock on his palm. 'CN + MD-C' were carved along the side. Her hand shaking, Marinette grabbed the keys to the padlock, and hurled them into the Seine. She turned back to Chat Noir, but the initials on the lock now read 'AA + MD-C'. His gloved hand was bare. Marinette hovered her hand over the lock, wanting so desperately to attach it to the fence.

Instead, she quickly closed Chat Noir's re-gloved fingers around the lock, and gently pushed his hand away. The sound of rushing water was replaced by gentle traffic. The Notre Dame was behind Chat Noir. They were back on Marinette's balcony.

“I'm sorry, Kitty. I can't. It's- it's not just about the dating. I should have just told you before, but- but I love someone else.” She screwed her eyes tightly shut. She couldn't bear to watch him get hurt again because of her.

“You- but-” His gasps choking down tears forced Marinette's eyes open. Chat Noir's cat ears folded low against his head, and his belt tail hung limp behind him. “But, everything you just said.”

“I know. If- if I didn't- If I hadn't already-”

Chat Noir's shoulders curled forward, and he wouldn't hold eye contact with her. “I wish you would consider me, just once.”

She reached out to cradle his face, and he leaned his cheek into the touch. As she raised his head, his mask and cat ears disappeared, and his bangs swept out of his face. Adrien looked at her with hurt, piercing eyes. Begging her to love him. She jumped, and dropped her hand from Adrien's face. His head lowered again; once more Chat Noir.

“Who?” he choked out, “Please at least tell me who it is you love.”

“It's not important-”

“It is to me. Please.”

Baby-doll eyes. Who taught him that she was weak to baby-doll eyes?

“Adrien Agreste,” she breathed. “But before you say anything, it's not because he's a model or rich or the son of my favorite fashion designer! It's because he's sweet, and funny, and cares for his friends.”

Chat Noir's cat ears shot up, and his belt tail prickled behind him. “But I- I saw him with Kagami. He loves her, not you! I'm the one who loves you!”

“That doesn't matter, Chat Noir.” Marinette's voice had a bite to it. “Of course all I want is for Adrien to love me, but whether or not he loves me back doesn't stop me from loving him.”

“Marinette?” A sweet voice called up from the street below.

“Oh, no.” Tikki muttered, and hid further inside Marinette's purse.

Marinette leaned over her balcony railing. Standing a few meters below, Adrien's face brightened upon seeing her.

“Marinette! Love of my life! Girl of my dreams!”

“I- uh- what?” Marinette held herself upright against the railing.

“May I come up, my love?” Adrien gestured towards the railing. When Marinette numbly nodded, he easily vaulted up and over the railing, landing beside her on the balcony.

“Hey!” Chat Noir snarled behind Marinette, reminding her that he was still around. “What are you doing here, blondie?”

“Why, confessing my undying love for Marinette, of course. What about you, you stray cat?” Adrien spat back at the superhero.

“Um...” Marinette tried to interject, still trying to process Adrien calling her the love of his life.

“I confessed my love for her already! You have Kagami, so give up on Marinette.”

“Uh, Chat Noir-” Marinette attempted to intervene again.

“And what about your love for Ladybug?” Adrien demanded. “We both know that Marinette truly loves me, so you stick with your partner and leave Marinette for me.”

“Actually-” Marinette ventured.

“I have no love for Ladybug! Who could be more perfect than Marinette? You need to stop pulling her along, Agreste, so that she can move on to a real man!” Chat Noir stepped closer to Adrien, who didn't flinch.

“Chat Noir, that's uncalled for-” Marinette pulled a little on Chat Noir's arm to try to separate the boys.

“I'm not pulling her along! You are, with this claim that you gave up on Ladybug.” Adrien moved closer to Chat Noir, unintentionally pinning Marinette between them. “Why are you teasing her like this? I thought you were better than that!”

“Adrien!” Marinette chided. “He's not doing anything like th-”

“I thought you were better than this! Keeping her hanging on so you can feel better about yourself, knowing that at least Marinette is pining over you.”

“Seriously?” Marinette demanded as she pushed back against both boys. “Are you two insane?”

“Prove to me how much you truly love her.” Chat Noir jumped away from Marinette, took his stick off his lower back, extended it, and twirled it impressively around his hand before taking a fighting stance. “Fight me for her!”

“Excuse me?” Marinette glared at Chat Noir. “What on earth are you thinking? First of all, no one is fighting over me! How archaic! Secondly, you're a superhero, and he's a civilian. What if you hurt him?”

“I accept.” Adrien stood in full fencing gear behind Marinette, his saber in hand, already prepared to lunge.

“You what?” Marinette screeched. “No! Nope! Nuh-uh! Not. Happening. You two need to stop this. Right now!”

“I am so, so sorry, Marinette.” Tikki's soft voice leaked from inside Marinette's purse. “I never meant for this to happen.”

“Yeah, well, now what am I gonna do, Tikki?”

The two boys charged each other, batting away the other's weapon with their own. Sparks flew off the metal clashing. Adrien kept firm footing, pushing Chat Noir back easily. The superhero went more unconventionally with his attack as he leapt onto the balcony railing, then flipped over Adrien's head, and landed behind him. Adrien was too quick, though, and easily countered Chat Noir's attack.

“Stop it!” Marinette screamed at them. “You two are acting ridiculous! Stop this right now!” She whipped her Ladybug yo-yo at each of them, knocking Chat Noir's stick, and then Adrien's saber, out of their hands and over the balcony railing. She then lassoed them together.

“Marinette?” The two asked slightly off sync of each other. It had an odd echo effect to it.

“Enough! I don't want any of this. I would never want someone to literally fight for me. You both should know me better than that! My emotions are mine and I will love whom I love regardless of some idiotic battle.” She released them from her yo-yo's string; the weapon vanishing as soon as she caught it.

“Then which one of us do you love?” Adrien stepped away from Chat Noir, but kept his distance from Marinette.

“Yes. Is it truly him?” Chat Noir stood tall beside his rival, gesturing towards Adrien. “Is there no way you could love me instead?”

“I-” Marinette stared at them both. “I love-” She couldn't say. She couldn't get out the name 'Adrien,' but she couldn't reject him either. “I want-” The world vanished, and it was just a white void with the three of them trapped inside it; standing on an invisible floor.

“What?” Chat Noir stepped closer. His voice was soft and gentle. Coaxing her to continue.

“What do you want, Marinette?” Adrien chimed in, his voice just as gently imploring.

“I just want this to be simple!” Marinette stomped, arms flailing. “Why can't I have both of you? Why can't you just be the same person?”

Both boys perked up, shock on their faces. They looked at each other, and held some silent conversation. In unison, they turned back towards Marinette.

“Your wish is our command,” they said with impeccable unison; their voices matching perfectly, as if only one. They faded together, blending into one person: Adrien with is swooped to the side bangs, but wearing Chat Noir's costume, just as he had for the Clara Nightingale music video try-out. He also had Chat Noir's cheeky grin, but awkwardly rubbed his neck exactly like Adrien did whenever he was unsure or nervous about something.

“Do you think I'm purr-fect just like this, Princess?” Adrien-Noir asked.

“Yes.” Marinette took his hands, and wrapped them around her waist. She then draped her own arms around his neck. “I wouldn't want any other but you.”

“That's all I need to hear.” He leaned down towards her, pulling her closer against him.

Marinette rolled slowly onto her toes, her lips reaching for his. Her fingers snaked into his shaggy hair, and his claws delicately scratched her back. Their eyes closed as their breaths mixed. Their lips brushed. The softness of his skin sending tingles through Marinette. She moved closer to press his mouth firmly against hers-

BZZZZZT. BZZZZZT. BZZZZZT.

Marinette bolted up in bed, flailing around for her phone.

BZZZZZT. BZZZZZT. BZZZZZT. BZZZ-whoomp.

Flopping back in bed, Marinette held her cell phone to her chest. She probably should get up and get ready for school, but she could afford one snooze.

She tried to grab at every image of her dream that lingered just on the edge of her mind. She wanted to thread them all back together. She remembered just starting to kiss Adrien when her alarm went off, but he was also not-Adrien. There was something more. Chat Noir was in her dream too. She vaguely recalled the different places he took her to prove they could still go on dates. She couldn't remember if she was wearing her Ladybug costume at the time, though.

There was a familiarity as well. Chat Noir and Adrien were somehow connected. Marinette couldn't recall how or why anymore, but she knew there was something that pulled them together in her dream.

“Tikki?” Marinette addressed the cork board covered in pictures of Adrien, instead of her kwami directly.

“Hmm?” Tikki sleepily replied.

“Can you make Adrien fall in love with me?”

“No.” Tikki was blunt, but her voice stayed kind and comforting. “Love is something very special, Marinette. Us kwamis can't do anything against such a powerful force. We cannot make anyone fall in love, but we also cannot destroy it.”

“Good.” Marinette ran a hand across one of Adrien's pictures, then she brought up the Ladyblog on her phone. She quickly scrolled to a picture of Chat Noir, and zoomed in to his playful smile. “Something tells me love is complicated enough without you getting involved.”

@discoveringmiraculouswriters

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