#it feels like more and more people see being made to feel upset as a Moral Thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

memyselfandmya · 3 days

Text

CHAOS THEORY S1 REVIEW

So after a day to process the show, I think I am more than ready to finally talk about it and give a full on review. [HINDSIGHT: This review took two days to put together, having to rewatch the show for evidence and to strengthen my ideas, and then having to organize it into something that makes sense. Just know that this is essentially my messy love letter to the show] I will be taking on a more objective perspective and focusing more on the writing aspect rather than my personal feelings, especially as a writer and hopefully future screenwriter. So let's get into it, heavy spoilers below the cut. Like as in I pick out little details that alone might not be a spoiler but I make them into a spoiler.

For starters, the show exceeded my expectations and the writing was phenomenal. Even when choices were made that I personally might not agree with or necessarily want, the execution of them was incredible so I couldn't really care to hate them. Overall, I have no heavy qualms with the show and I loved every moment of it.

It was complex and it was messy and I thoroughly enjoyed that. There's so much going on action-wise, character-wise, and mystery-wise and it's amazing how well balanced it is. What we get is real and raw and largely uncensored. We get conflict between two brothers, conflict between two girlfriends, moments where trust is lacking, and so so much more. It all feels very natural and realistic because that's how real people truly are: complex and messy. Also, even when these characters are going through all of these conflicts, you can still tell that they're family and they love each other.

The creators don't shy away from the trauma either, we get flashbacks, explicit mentions of PTSD and mental health issues, and we actually see Kenji having a panic attack, too. When I tell you, the way these characters were brought to life was so amazing. For all of this to still be considered a kids show is incredible and rarely ever seen. I'm gonna go more in depth with the complexity stuff later on, probably when I get more to the character analysis part of this review.

I like how we get to see more dynamics between groups that we didn't see much of in CC: Ben and Brooklynn, Sammy and Ben, Brooklynn and Yaz, etc.

The humor in this show is top-tier and very much natural. Hardly any of it feels forced and it's very much in-character. Just in general, all of the feelings in this show were amazing. It was a rollercoaster of emotions watching this. I felt happy, I was devastated, I laughed a lot, I felt bad for the characters, I was upset and mad, I was scared (oh boy was I scared), and I was tense with anticipation.

Going off of these feelings, the overall tone of the show was incredible. They said that it'd be darker and it was. There were so many times where I myself was scared and wondered how this show was still TV-Y7. There were so many ominous moments and here are some that I noted:

The moment that black car on the road actually does start following them. You can hear the whistle in the background of ep.3 before the raptors actually come in. Carl’s dead body in the car, and the view of his limp hand. In general the scene where they’re being hunted at the ranch, it’s reminds me of playing hide and seek with my cousins but 10x more darker and with higher stakes. “I don’t hear anything.” “Exactly.” Ugh these moments always hit well. The shoes of the dead police guard. Microbang lady whistling and then stepping out of the car The DPW aiming for the van The allosaurus being released from the vehicle. The dinosaurs watching the dude get eaten. The garage door opening, revealing micro bangs and then all of the dinosaurs falling silent. The moment where she picks up her whistle because we all know what happens next. When the atrocirapotor picks up the camper’s scent. You can see the small smile on Microbangs' face when she realizes the kids are there.

I love the rearview/sideview mirror shots, it really symbolizes the constantly looking over your shoulder because you’re being hunted aspect of the show. It adds suspense and questioning which is perfect for a conspiracy show.

I love the use of Chekhov's Gun and foreshadowing. All of my examples may be exaggerations or unintentional but I'm going to stick with it anyways. In ep.2 when the boys are at the gas station, there are signs that say "Report All Spills!" (maybe these are typically at gas stations, idk) which makes sense because you don't want gas on the ground especially because it's so flammable and then I saw the gas pump fall and gas spill out and I had a feeling about what was going to happen next. Sure enough, a fire started. Also in ep.3, when Sammy steps on the creepy floorboard and she's trying to remember where her pitchfork is, and then when they're being hunted, Sammy knowing to avoid stepping on that board only to stumble into the pitchfork that she had been looking for. Also, the King Dino billboard at the beginning of ep.4.

The animation was stunning and the cinematography(?) was breathtaking. We got so many wonderful views.

The pacing is so good. I’m not going to go over it because that’d be a lot but basically everything felt in the right moment.

I like in ep.2 how we’re introduced into the very first scene with Brooklynn’s new VA. We have Ben being woken up by a mysterious phone call and a mysterious voice on the other line that we don’t recognize. Who is this mysterious, unknown woman? It’s Brooklynn!

There are people who don't like the fact that Darius and Kenji are arguing again and who think that it's a reused plotline that shouldn't be and I understand the feeling of wanting something different but I also have to disagree. While it is the same thing we have in CC, I genuinely can't think of a different way this could have gone that wasn't more in-character than this. The reason why it's being reused is because that part about Kenji hasn't changed. While he's gone through some amazing emotional development, he still deeply cares about his friends and also about trust. Him not liking it when people play with their lives can still be an important value to him, even with his growth. And I personally feel like in this scenario Kenji's anger and his hurt was especially more justified than in CC because in this case, Brooklynn actually "died" instead of just getting kidnapped. And while I don't blame Darius or hate him for not being there, it makes sense why Kenji does.

This time around, it's going to be a lot harder for them to get on good terms. I also like how this time, it's not as subtle and they are actively jabbing at one another. I also like how it's more mutual. Like with CC I was like, "leave my baby alone, kenji, he's just a little innocent kid." and now I'm like "oh shit, Darius you ate with that." Even when they're arguing, they do still care for each other and there are moments where they still support the other. Then there are the little things that causes Kenji's anger to resurface like the password thing so more fuel is constantly being added. And then the "you and me, we're brothers right?" is absolutely gut wrenching.

One thing I appreciate is how Kenji isn’t even really mad at Darius anymore. Not for him liking Brooklynn, anyways. To me this shows a heightened emotional maturity. Especially since in CC we saw him be petty with his anger towards Darius and even in the early episodes of CT but now he’s bypassing all of his personal qualms and getting to what matters most to him without the extra pettiness: why wasn’t he there for Brooklynn? Why wasn’t he there for the people he loves. Kenji’s relationship with Brooklynn isn’t important. The fact that Darius fell for his ex doesn’t matter. What matters to him is that Brooklynn, someone they both (all) deeply cared about died, and the guy who loved her wasn’t there when she needed him. The tenderness and the softness of this scene was way more impactful and sorrowful than had Kenji angrily went after Darius. This makes the conflict still feel different from the one we saw in CC. All in all, I think their conflict adds to the complexity and (realistic) messiness of it all.

Even though I’m not the biggest Brookenji/Kenlynn fan, seeing them drift apart was so disheartening to watch because you can tell that Kenji really cared about Brooklynn and he was putting so much effort into the relationship when Brooklynn was distracted. I like how even though I’m not a big fan of the ship, I’m still convinced to root for them which shows compelling writing. But the baby talk fucking ruined it. I’m back to not liking it. The whole breakup situation very much reminded me of the episode of CC where Brooklynn is late to the date because they were out investigating. Again, I’m glad that Kenji is sticking up for himself though, and distancing people when they need to be distanced. I also love the little detail of Kenji calling Darius’ mom every week. Just emphasizes that he’s still a family man and doesn’t forget the people who helped him.

“I’m in a really good place now, and I got here by myself.” This line is so impactful to me because in early CC we know Kenji to be lazy and somebody who expects everything to go his way without putting in the effort so this is, one, very symbolic of his development as a character, and two, explains why he’s so proud of where he is now and his business that he’s got going on--even if it doesn’t look to be as successful. It makes sense why he’d be so protective over what he’s made for himself. I really respect him for putting up that boundary because he’s so right; Daniel doesn’t deserve him much less to speak to him, and Kenji doesn’t deserve to put himself through that emotional turmoil when he’s finally reached a good place. I think it makes it even more impactful when he does choose to go especially because it’d be totally valid if he didn’t. And then not only being subject to more of his dad’s manipulation but also having to witness him die.

I’m actually surprised and very happy that Dreamworks didn’t go the redeeming Daniel route. I would have expected this kind of show to make Daniel forgivable but he’s still a bad person and a manipulative father who hasn’t changed much. To me it seems more realistic because Daniel doesn’t seem like a character who learns his lesson and it furthers the plot with the whole Brooklynn thing. Also, Daniel's sacrifice is not a redemption. He's still a bad character. I don't know if any of you are familiar with Dreamworks' other show, She-ra Princess of Power, but there's an abusive mother figure in it, Shadow Weaver, who also sacrifices herself for the characters she abused, but before that she was still manipulative the same way Daniel was. They both died before they could truly change their ways and atone for their actions which is why it's not a redemption. Daniel Kon did not redeem himself by saving Kenji.

I also actually like Daniel’s death, and no, not just because I hate him as a character. In season 5, he’s the big bad antagonist that the kids have to go up against, and he’s a real threat, right? Do the raptors care about Daniel’s villain era? Do they care that he was a big character in the OG show? No. And that shows that the writers don’t care either (but in a good way). Because we don’t have any of the main Nublar Six dying (except for Brooklynn sorta ig??), there’s a lot of opportunity to call plot armor and stuff and say that the writers are pulling their punches. But they’re willing to kill one of the big antagonists from CC in a random episode, so, to some extent, there is minimum plot armor. You can be a great big villain and still these dinosaurs will kill you.

Also, this gives us so much opportunity with Kenji’s character. We get to see what it looks like having to grieve the life of somebody who you hated and who abused you and yet still be devastated over his death. Showing Kenji breakdown over Daniel’s death adds an entirely new layer of complexity to the story line. It’s so much more impactful than having Kenji be apathetic towards his death or be like, “good riddance.” The detail of Kenji speaking at the end really gave all the more impact to the entire episode.

Kenji’s panic attack in ep.7 is really powerful. First, the wonderful cinematography (the watering of Kenji’s eyes, omg) and the 1st person pov segments. Then we have the voice acting, chef’s kiss. Just the flat out impact of this scene all together: Kenji balling his eyes out after the death of someone who doesn’t even deserve his mourning is heart wrenching. I hate Daniel and I’m glad he’s dead, but also seeing Kenji break down over it almost makes me wish he wasn’t. By far one of the saddest scenes in the show. Again the cinematography of it. Darius hugging a sobbing Kenji in the middle of a field with the car’s red lights beaming on them. Then Mateo just standing there awkwardly. LMFAO.

It’s cool because we have this gut wrenching moment and then we’re immediately brought into a feeling of awkwardness with this random new character there and it’s so jarring but fitting because you have these two moments where Kenji’s grief but also the need to keep moving coexist and one needs to take priority over the other but the other one is still important. I’m just saying we are feeling what the characters in the show feel, which is good. Then we have Kenji going ballistic on Mateo’s ass and man the emotions packed into the scene.

Also Mateo. I want to trust him, and I do. But there’s also a suspiciousness to him. I love him though. But, it felt oddly convenient that he was able to locate them so many times. He says that his daughter helped him track them but how does his daughter of all people track them when they’re moving all over the place and also the way he talks about her, “I’ve got a little girl back home,” and the pan over to the crayon drawing made me picture a young child. His story is interesting though, too, and complex for a side character. Just feels a bit like a suspicious deus ex machina.

I love how the others are so in tune with one another and then Mateo says something and they all jump, forgetting he’s there. They are all very much close with each other and oblivious to the people around them. He's definitely out of the loop. Darker thought, what if at some point (or now, even) his daughter gets kidnapped/held hostage by the hunters so he’s forced to mislead the camp fam in order to keep her safe?

The opening scene of ep.6 is top tier and I love how we’re getting right down deep into the good stuff, and by good stuff I mean the trauma. The portrayal of Yasmina’s PTSD is so incredible to see and all of the flashes of dinosaurs really put us in Yaz’s mind. Also the heartbeats sounds just make this an even more intense scene. What’s also amazing is that we see Yaz making progress with handling her trauma but she’s still struggling with it too. Complexity. What I also love is how Yaz’s PTSD has allowed her to become more equipped to manage her trauma more than the other campers have, and because she’s able to grasp a hold of it so well, she’s able to help Sammy manage her own anxiety, too.

I feel as if Ben is almost reverting back into his pre-Nublar self and also like the Ben we saw in CC’s “At Least…”. He’s become a lot more paranoid and on edge which is very interesting to see. Ben being completely wary of the gas station attendant and being unwilling to stop is a major display of Ben’s anxiousness. Could the fire in ep.2 be symbolism for Ben’s paranoia in that episode? I may be looking too deep into it, but think about it. The spilled gas is all of Ben’s conspiracies and theories; alone, it’s not much of an obvious problem but when paired with the right ignition, a spark or being hunted by raptors, for example, it turns into an uncontrollable problem. Ben’s paranoia causes him to be irrational and unconsolable just like that fire and needs to be be extinguished so it doesn't destroy anything. I also like the little detail of Darius noticing the car on the side of the road in ep.2 and becoming suspicious about it. But then Ben thanks Darius for keeping him grounded so Darius doesn’t mention anything about the car in order to not send him back to the state of paranoia he was in earlier.

Then we also see Ben’s anxiousness in the beginning of ep.4 about Bumpy. Seeing him so concerned about her really tugs on those heart strings because you can tell the love between them runs deep. The passion in ep.9 is so incredibly palpable especially when he’s panicking and crying at the sound of Bumpy being abused. I really felt that scene because I know that watching someone you love get abused and not being able to stop it is so emotionally overwhelming The emotion packed into that scene, holy shit.

I also just love how we’re allowing men to cry. It’s so normalized in media to have the guys always being tough and masculine men who never sheds a tear but we are really knocking down the toxic masculinity in this show and normalizing men displaying emotion (beyond anger). We see all of the boys in this show break down: Kenji, Ben, Darius, and never once does them crying make them embarrassed or emasculated. Even in CC, the boys were allowed to show feelings and it didn’t weaken their masculinity at all. It’s really powerful and I’m glad we’re stepping away from the “boys don’t cry” narrative.

Back to Ben’s character, I was a little bit disappointed with his character arc, or lack thereof, in the middle episodes. Sometimes it felt as if he was only there for comedic relief and was emotionally detached from Brooklynn’s death. Maybe there’s intent behind this but I’m not sure.

I don’t know what to think about the whole girlfriend thing. Maybe Ben just made up the girlfriend thing to get Sammy to get rid of her phone lmao but ended up running with it. I do love how everyone’s surprised about Ben having a girlfriend because me too guys, me too. And it’s not because he eats out of a boot and pees in a jar (it is) but because I thought he was gay. Like with the whole rejecting Yaz scene in CC always gave me that implication. Now, he could still always be bi or pan which would be just as cool, but still just the fact that he has a random ass girlfriend. But also how is he maintaining a long-distance relationship when he’’s completely cut off from the grid. A part of me wants to believe that Ben has a girlfriend especially when he questions why everyone is surprised but also… idk. Ben does seem to understand how Yaz is feeling with relationship stuff to a degree. But I don’t know. I like some of the theories I’ve seen: that Ben is being catfished by Brooklynn, in particular. In theory I giggle a bit but in practice that’d low-key be a fucked up thing to do to Ben’s emotions. I find it harder to believe that Ben is doing the girlfriend to cover up that he’s gay because he knows that his friends will be accepting (although doesn’t change that coming out to them could still be hard) but also because I feel like he would at least tell Yaz because in S5 of CC they had that deep talk about Yaz’s sexuality. A part of me believes that the cargo ship is going somewhere to Europe and when they get there Ben will call on his girlfriend for help. If she is real, I hope she's badass and pretty so she can contribute to the plot and I can fall in love with her. Wait, what? Maybe down the line when I have more theories about Ben and his supposed girlfriend I’ll make a separate post.

“Don’t you dare throw my phone out the window, Benjamin.” Sammy’s so much of a powerful force now. I love her fierceness and sassiness, it’s definitely a different look from her character in CC. But also, she’s still in character, just matured, changed, and acquired that “tough love” attitude. Paired with how a little later in the episode when she goes to save the dinosaurs, it shows how Sammy (and the rest of the characters) might have changed since CC but are still the same at their core. Very much getting flashbacks to the Art of Chill episode. Sammy still has the passionate sense of righteousness but with more attitude and I’m 100% here for it.

I also want to talk about the whole Sammy as a suspect thing. I love Ben and I’m glad they made up at the end but also can you imagine how hurtful it must be for Sammy? Like it sucks for her that a decision she made years ago (and was cleared up) in order to protect her family comes back to bite her, from one of her closest friends too. For one of her besties to not trust her must hurt a lot, especially after everything they’ve gone through together. Trust in general is an interesting motif in this show. We have Darius having to learn to trust Ben and his theories, the whole Darius and Kenji trust conflict thing, Ben being untrusting of Sammy at first, and Yaz and Sammy having to learn to trust each other again.

Back to Sammy’s character, I want to take a moment to talk about Sammy’s mental health; like she’s really not doing well and I’m genuinely worried about her. From CC we know her to be a very social person who’s rarely ever alone and we even have the episode in S5 of CC where her entire arc is learning to do stuff on her own. So in CT, seeing Sammy living all alone in Texas with nobody (nice) around is so jarring and worrying to me. That scene where she reunites with the boys is really sweet, especially knowing that it’s probably one of the first few moments where she’s not isolated from any of the people she loves. It’s also probably another reason why she’s even more “Sammy” than usual. Then you have Sammy saying, “Just busy. It’s only me around here with Yaz up north finishing school, and my parents…we just don’t talk much anymore, but that’s okay! I’m keeping busy.” We can definitely notice that Sammy is not handling this isolation thing well and her coping mechanism is very much busying herself. What I really want to know though is why Sammy isn’t talking with her family.

But back to the main point, it’s also the way that Sammy’s character naturally influences the plot and pacing of episode three. Ben and Darius have something urgent they need to tell Sammy but her inability to stay still is preventing them from doing so which creates a natural conflict.

Additionally, in retrospect Sammy's coping mechanism was obvious: the mock interviews we got where it’s said, “Back at home, Sammy Gutierrez maintained that positive attitude by staying busy. ‘I have my own ranch, now. And my girlfriend Yaz. And tons of pies to bake! We don’t have time to keep worrying about all that running for our lives stuff!’” Even before this, she’s fallen into that heavy positivity that’s borderline unhealthy by trying to shove everything under the rug. All of the positive sayings on her wall also feel symbolic of her trying to maintain a positive outlook on her life. Her line “I’m so sick of making pies,” while possibly just for humor and a throwaway line, it could represent how this false positive narrative that Sammy has going where she’s keeping busy around the house and baking pies isn’t satisfactory and is also crumbling. Maybe even the first pie burning could be symbolic of her positive life failing (or maybe I’m looking too deep into it). Also that scene where she straight up hallucinates and sees Brooklynn for a second? That scene is so haunting and utterly heartbreaking. This is sort of the nail in the coffin that Sammy is not doing well mentally at all. In this scene too, her sadness is also heavily emphasized. Her eyes watering is such a sad detail and also you can kind of notice that her under-eye area is dark and red too. This might just be the lighting, but I feel that it really emphasizes that Sammy is really struggling and all of this business and fake positivity is getting to her. And then immediately after, she deflects and continues what she’s doing. Darius begging Sammy to stop and Sammy’s response being, “Stop and think about Brooklynn dying, or my family not speaking to me, or Yaz pulling away from me? No… I can’t stop. I won’t.” There is a lot to unpack there. First, we have another mention that Sammy and her family aren’t talking and I want to know why. Secondly, she is definitely struggling with growing isolated from the people she loves and with Sammy’s character valuing her connections with her loved-ones it makes it all the more impactful. I wish we got to see more on this but then we get interrupted by the action just as Darius is about to say something. It's a really sad scene though. In ep.4 we see Sammy being more anxious, especially with Yaz not answering her calls. In that one scene after the parasaurolophuses, Sammy is completely distraught and it’s sad to see. I don’t even think she herself even fully realizes her mental health issues. The anxiety Sammy is experiencing is also highlighted in ep.7. Granted, they are in a sinking, soggy van and I’d be panicking too but damn. She’s also panicking in the beginning of ep.9, but now, instead of Sammy keeping her body busy from her mind, her mind is keeping her busy from her body and making her forget how to breathe.

“I know she doesn’t always answer, but at least she texts back or maybe just gives a thumbs up, even though she knows I hate those. Cause they give me passive-aggressive vibes, but I know she doesn’t mean it that way. But I got that girlfriend intuition that something ain’t right.” Poor Sammy, she is very clearly anxious about this whole thing and it especially shows with how she bounces her phone around. I like how this conflict between Yaz and Sammy is building up before they even see each other, starting with Yaz not answering the phone call and Sammy getting anxious. The split up thing also gave me a mini heart attack too Ben, don’t worry. “Why, did she say something?” Sammy, please. You’re not okay. In ep.6 with the “I’m working really hard to get my anxiety in check, but Sammy still treats me like a fragile flower,” again, I appreciate how we see the cracks in Yaz and Sammy’s relationship beginning to form even before the events of CT. The buildup is really strong in the show. Quick break but I have to say I just love Sammy’s profile picture they are so cute. Also, Yaz’s uncertainty about answering the phone call, too. The tension between them is clear as day on that phone call. And then we have Sammy coddling Yasmina by trying to hide the truth from her and it’s all in good intention, really sweet how Sammy wants to protect her, but is that what Yaz needs or wants? “Her PTSD is still affecting her that badly?" “Well, to tell you the truth, we really haven’t talked much lately. She’s so busy and when we do catch each other, she acts like everything’s good, but…” The conflict is so interesting because you have Yaz pulling away because of Sammy’s overbearingness and then when Yaz pulls away, Sammy gets anxious and therefore more overbearing so it just creates this cycle that could be put to a stop by communication but they’re both scared. Both of their coping mechanisms are doing damage to each other and so they fall back on these coping mechanisms even more. “Call it a hunch, or girlfriend’s intuition,” call it anxiety, Sammy. At this point everything she says or does is a subconscious cry for help. Back to the relationship conflict, it’s nice knowing that even if they are fighting, their fight is based off of wanting the best for the other and love. Also both of their feelings in this fight are valid, Yaz wanting Sammy to not treat her like she’s fragile and Sammy not wanting Yaz to pull away from her. Again with the cycle. Oof, the pain in her voice when Yaz says “you still treat me like a child instead of your girlfriend!” Kausar really ate with that. Anyways, we have that scene where they almost down and Yaz calms Sammy proving to her that she’s not as fragile as Sammy thinks she is. Then when they get out we have a resolution moment where Yaz says, “I guess we need each other, huh?” Showing that, instead of that unbalance of overbearingness, they can equally need the other to ground them and keep them calm.

When Sammy and Yaz reunite, they’re really happy but also out of sync a bit, when they go in to kiss but end up bumping heads. Then after they resurface after nearly drowning, they’ve reached a better understanding of each other, and then they kiss a lot more smoothly, showing that they’re back in sync.

For the Benrius shippers out there, this also parallels how Darius and Ben were a bit out of sync and a little rocky, but at the beginning of ep.3 we see Ben and Darius have fallen back into their natural rhythm: Ben says “chip me” and Darius effortlessly tosses it and Ben catches it in his mouth. I just appreciate these little details and moments of closeness and also the parallels.

Can we talk about how we have alternating arcs/paths with Sammy and Yaz? Like, we see Yaz becoming more confident in how she handles and reacts to her trauma and making significant progress with her PTSD. Then we have Sammy who’s slowly slipping into a poorer mental state when she was known for being better able to manage her trauma from Nublar. Then along with this, we have Yaz stepping into the more “caretaker” role when Sammy was the one who usually has control over the situation. The van sinking scene in ep.7 is a perfect example. Sammy's panicking when her seatbelt gets stuck and Yaz is the one to ground her. I just want to take a closer look at this scene because it’s so sweet, too. The way Yaz first takes Sammy’s hands but then after realizing how much Sammy’s panicking, she cups her face and gets her to focus. It’s just such a tender moment. (And then parallel with that, the scene where Kenji has a panic attack and Darius is the one to support him in the midst of their argument. I just love a good parallel.) (Another parallel, Darius grounding Ben when he was paranoid in ep.2) But there’s also that scene early in ep.9 where it’s Sammy who’s completely freaking out and Yaz being the level-headed one.

Going back to the conflict between them, we see a moment of growth in that scene. After Sammy’s anxiousness causes her to be reckless, she apologizes which opens the floor for a well needed discussion about how they need to work as a team and trust one another. While the main discussion about how their coping mechanism end up hurting each other hasn’t happened yet, we still get to see them repairing the cracks in their relationship. Instead of Yaz pulling away when Sammy becomes anxious and overbearing, we see her acknowledge Sammy’s anxiety and comfort her instead, so that Sammy doesn’t go farther into that anxious state and the cycle is interrupted. It’s cool how they made their mental health issues cause problems in their relationship. Not in a “oh I can’t handle my girlfriend’s PTSD and she’s too much for me,” but in the way of “My girlfriend really cares for me in relation to my PTSD and it’s sweet but it also feels like she’s babying me” and “my girlfriend is going through a really tough time right now and I want to be there for her but she keeps pulling away from me.” Although, in a way, Sammy’s anxiety does become overbearing for Yaz, but even then it’s not in a she’s being too much but rather her anxiety is only causing her to be treated in a way she doesn't want to be treated. While scary and uncomfortable, I’m really glad that Yaz and Sammy had that conflict because it shows that couples can argue and still love each other. Just because there’s a problem in the relationship doesn’t mean the relationship has to end there, it just means that you have to come together and acknowledge the issue and then work together to fix it.

Darius’s reaction to Brooklynn’s death, my god. And hearing Darius�� voice calls that he left Brooklynn…devastating. Him hiding in the bath tub after giving the phone and sinking down in it; he really is ashamed of his feelings and it’s sad. But also the tenderness in Kenji’s voice when he confronts him? He’s no longer angry with Darius, just wants to understand. And the way that he doesn’t even get mad when Darius tells him he was in love with B… (maybe he understands how B is a very lovable character.)

But back to the grief, the moment where they’re all looking at the allosaurus that supposedly killed Brooklynn is devastating. They are finally united in their grief over Brooklynn. Boy, at least one of them is going to be pissed when her survival is revealed. And then also how they all worry over Bumpy too, it just really symbolizes how they’re still a family after everything. I love how Ben and Sammy are basically co-parents now. And remember that episode where Sammy was trying to get Bumpy to like her? Oh how far we’ve come. I flat out believed that she was dead, the writers definitely got me with that one. Well played, Bumpy. Well played.

I will say that Darius’s confrontation with Cabrera didn’t feel fully earned. We only saw him in one other scene and only heard about him in another scene so Darius’ moment of realization fell a little short on me. I think it could have been better had we saw an earlier interaction with him and Darius that may give us more conflicting opinions on whether or not he’s good. Because when we first saw him with Sammy, Yaz, and Ben, I was 90% sure that he was bad because of the three’s unbiased narrative. But had we gotten an interaction with Darius where he seemed a lot less questionable as a character it would have brought my doubt to more of a 50%. It also would have made Darius’ almost betrayal feeling in ep.10 more warranted because we saw them personally interact so it’d make Darius’s “You’re the one behind this? You’re selling Dinosaurs? DPW is supposed to protect people from dinosaurs.” hit harder.

The micro bang lady reads the raptor’s body language so well. She’s also compassionate towards them which is a heavy difference from this other dinosaur corruption we’ve got going on where they are carelessly abusing dinosaurs. She sees the raptors absolutely wiped out and retreats which is an absolute power move and shows she cares. It’s a choice that humanizes her along with the cuddling of a fucking raptor, which is interesting since most of what we’ve seen so far has been very uncanny with her robotic movements and unblinking eyes. She scares the shit out of me but lowkey...

she looks really badass and hot in this scene. I see what some of yall are talking about.

The action sequence in ep.10? Amazing. 10/10. The parallel with Jurassic World? Heart stopping. The dead silence except for the footsteps and dinosaur breathing? Immaculate. Best scene in the entire show, maybe in animated history.

At the end, we also have a shift from the characters being forced to react to all of the stuff thrown at them, like a defensive, but then we see them make the decision to go on the cargo ship and now they get to take a more “offensive” approach. Then we also have Darius stepping back into that leader role.

I just hope that since the characters are no longer stranded on a deserted island that they can finally get a change of outfits if they happen to get dirty. Please don’t let them walk around in the same dirty clothes again, please.

Now, probably one of the more controversial parts. Dinostar… Now, I’m a multi shipper and I’ve never had a problem with the ship itself but even then I was skeptical of this creative choice.

I feel like it’d be more impactful if they kept dinosaur platonic showing that Darius doesn’t need to be in a romantic relationship with his friend in order to feel a significant amount of grief for her. Now, I know that even if Darius wasn’t in love with Brooklynn, he probably still would have had the same reaction but still, the interpretation of his feelings has still changed. How necessary was this?

But also the power in the unrequited dinostar. Having Darius only realize his feelings for Brooklynn, especially after her staying at his place, it's natural. It adds to the very real complexity of human feelings. “I never meant for it to happen. It just…happened.” Darius’s feelings are still natural and organic and he’s still kind of ashamed of them. Darius’s “I didn’t even think I could feel that way,” was what really got to me. If it was because he always saw Brooklynn as a friend it shows how these sort of feelings can sneak up on you, but I also see it as, “I didn’t think I was able to have crushes on people” which speaks to me a lot. It feels very aligned with the demi-aroace experience and as someone who’s demi-aroace I care about this a lot. It’s such a confusing and difficult experience, worrying about if you’re even capable of falling in love with someone, trying to disect the difference between platonic connections and romantic ones, and the shame you feel when you think you might be interested in someone who’s supposed to be your friend. It’s messy and real and seeing Darius possibly experiencing that makes me feel less alone. Anyways, I like how even in both directions Darius can still be on the aroace spectrum.

“If I was really in love with Brooklynn, I should have been there.” This line makes me wonder if he’s still doubting his feelings for Brooklynn. The “I couldn’t face her after that. I was too embarrassed. So I didn’t show up that night.” Darius being embarrassed is so real. I once confessed to a girl I thought I liked and was rejected, albeit gently for the most part, and I still can’t look at her the same way. This was with someone I wasn’t close with so I can only imagine what it was like for Darius, the embarrassment. It’s such an impactful thing too. Darius's natural and realistic reaction to getting rejected and not being able to face her having drastic consequences in this new world of dinosaurs and being hunted by them. It’s just the complexity of the story that’s what really makes this work.

“She tried to be nice about it, but it was clear she didn’t feel the same.” I wonder if this is what really happened or just what Darius interpreted it as. I’m hoping that it remains unrequited. Seeing the guy not get the girl would be something new and interesting. I could also get behind dinostar but only if it’s done right and to be done right it’d need a lot of time. But I also don’t think I want to see any of them in a relationship just yet. Especially Brooklynn and especially now. I think that she’s way too deep into this conspiracy and should focus on that instead of a relationship. That’s definitely where her mind has been at lately, anyways. I also worry that this might turn into a love triangle which I’m never a big fan of. I’ve also seen some people say that this love triangle/Darius’ feelings will probably weaken the integrity of Brooklynn’s character and reduce her to a love interest, and, for a while, I agreed. But now my opinion has shifted. So far from what we’ve seen, Brooklynn’s character seems to be going on an interesting arc and I have faith that the writers won’t weaken that in favor of focusing on her romantic interests. The writing for this season has been amazing and if they keep it up in season two it can probably be successfully pulled off. And already with the way it’s been written, I don’t think Brooklynn is ready for a relationship at the moment.

Now Brooklynn...

I was one of the people who was convinced Brooklynn was alive but while watching the show I actually began to doubt that theory and there was a moment where I was sure she was actually dead. I know there are a couple of people unhappy about the fact that Brooklynn isn’t actually dead, and I get that. Especially coupled with the Darius vs Kenji conflict it may feel like CT is copying too much from CC with Ben’s fake death instead of being original and committing to it. And that’s totally valid, especially for a serious plot line like a character death. I do, however, have faith that the writers of CT will execute her fake death well though. Because that’s the thing with CC/CT. Most of the time, even the not so strong ideas are well executed and integrated into the plot smoothly. With Ben’s fake death, it gave the opportunity to strongly develop Ben’s character more than it could if he had ended up on the island with the campers. His solo experience after his “death” molded him into a very different character from the boy we saw in the early episodes. It changed him drastically and that was the redeeming factor. So, I have hope with Brooklynn. It already seems like she’s on a strong path of character development and it seems like she’s going completely undercover to unbox this international dinosaur corruption scheme. Not to mention, she’s missing part of her arm, so that’s also a drastic change. Brooklynn being alive opens up a lot of opportunities, especially to delve into her trauma that she might have acquired from losing a hand. Not only that, but the others still think she’s dead so we won’t lose that mourning aspect, in fact it might make it even more impactful knowing that she is alive and that Brooklynn’s fake death is causing this much pain to her friends.

This could also introduce some conflict within the group once it is revealed to them that Brooklynn is alive because they spent all of this time mourning her and suffering from some severe mental health issues only for her to actually be alive without telling them. Me personally, I’d be upset going through all of this emotional turmoil for a dead friend only for her to pop up knowing she could have prevented all of it. We can also see different reactions from the 5 of them. Maybe someone will be angry at her and some might just be really happy she’s alive and some might not even believe she’s actually alive. I’m just gonna say that it is fucked up that Brooklynn is just allowing her friends to suffer from mourning her and that I’d totally understand if any of the camp fam were mad at her. In fact I need to see that. Then there’s all of the secrets she’s keeping from them, too. I wonder if we might see a sort of negative character arc because Brooklynn has been neglectful towards her friends, especially Kenji which caused the whole breakup in the first place, and then multiple times Brooklynn’s true intentions have been unclear and shady. I wonder if there’s any symbolism we can pick up from her hair which is always changing.

Overall, I’m excited to see what they do with Brooklynn’s character and how her fake death affects the others. I’m always willing to compromise with my feelings and the decisions made so long as they well execute their unfavorable choices.

As for the reveal, I feel like it could have been dragged out a little bit longer. I think a perfect place to stop would be right at Ronnie receives the text. Because in my mind at that moment, there were two ideas that I had. One, Ronnie could have been one of the corrupt DPW workers, or she could have been working with Brooklynn. I think that that confliction would have been a great place to end especially because either way, it leaves you question that entire interaction she has with Darius in the first episode. Is Ronnie going to be bad and betray Darius? Or is she good and helping Brooklynn who's alive. I understand in the grander schemes of things why they did it; showing Brooklynn alive (and handless) at the very end will make viewers want to come back and see what happened with her. I just hope they keep her being alive unknown to the rest of the campers for a while longer for that added tension or whatever. I feel like if anything they might reveal her to the camp fam at the end of season 2.

Now let’s talk about that hairstyle. When I first saw it at a distance paired with the whole ensemble, it looked really badass. But up close? I don’t like it.

At first I was going to say that Sammy carried the plot, because she did. Then I was like, “well, Ben also carried the plot too.” Then it was “If Sammy carried the plot then so did Yasmina.” That “boo” did a lot for me. But then I was thinking of the discourse between Darius and Kenji and they also both carried the plot. So, long story short, they all carried which is amazing. It means that it was well balanced and every character had a significant role in the story.

In short, there’s a lot of things that were phenomenal in this show, however, there were a few things that can only become/remain great if they’re addressed in season 2. There were a lot of throwaway lines in the show that was loaded with context we didn’t have and hinted to a separate conflict.

Twice we hear Sammy say how she’s not in contact with her family and then it’s never brought up again. I want to know why this is, even If it doesn’t have a drastic effect on the overall plot. Then we see Sammy hallucinate Brooklynn but then that’s the only time it happens. Is it bad that I want to see more of that? I just really want to see Sammy’s trauma unloaded in season 2. In ep.6, Sammy says “Remember how [Yaz] got when the dinosaurs made it to the mainland?” It seems really heavy and I want to see this. I want to know what the groups initial reactions to one, the dinosaurs back on the mainland, and two, Brooklynn’s death. We also hear Darius sort of allude in ep.1 that Ben might have had a harder time adjusting to being back on the mainland, especially with the “don’t patronize me, Darius!”

I’m hoping that some of these lines are just seeds being planted early on so that we can see them grow in season 2. One thing I hope we get is more flashbacks, seeing what all of these lines are referring to. Sammy’s family issues. Yaz’s reaction the dinosaurs back on mainland. Also, seeing flashbacks to Brooklynn with Darius in the cabin. We got flashbacks for everyone else except him so it’d be nice to see, and also give us something more substantial for Darius’s feelings. My guess is that there won’t be as many action scenes when they’re hiding away on the ship so we can get more flashbacks and have some more downtime to explore the groups trauma, regain some more of that “full” group dynamic, and just in general put more focus into the characters rather than plot.

The writing in this was amazing, especially for a kids show, and I hope we get to see more of this amazing writing carried on to season 2 soon. If you stuck with me this long, I appreciate you.

#jurassic world chaos theory #jwct #jwct spoilers #sammy gutierrez #yasmina fadoula #ben pincus #darius bowman #kenji kon #jwct brooklynn #brooklynn jwcc #mya talks jwct

48 notes · View notes

lxmelle · 2 days

Text

I think it’s safe to say both Gojo and Geto had a problem opening their hearts after they separated. Like an emotional scar they never resolved.

It’s kinda Husband & Wife-coded imho. (Husband&Husband, Wife&Wife, whatever - you get my drift).

Geto at his death asked about his family. He wasn’t concerned about how they’d mourn for him or considered if they’d want him saved, etc. Like the scrolls adorning the back of the temple, he didn’t view himself to be much if he couldn’t be strong - punishment to the weak and foolish.

Gojo upon the lead up to the battle seemed to believe he would win either way (aligned with what he told Megumi) and that wasn’t bothered with his body - but he admittedly did feel annoyed that his longest living friend, Shoko, wasn’t upset on his behalf. (I HC that I think he understood that there was no other person who had love for him like with Geto.)

Spoilers for 261:

Given the circumstances, Shoko also had to do what was necessary to support him, regardless of her feelings towards the request. She has always been respectful of boundaries I think. More avoidant with her feelings (remaining stoic) rather than ambivalent. She is a medic after all... you have to put aside your personal feelings.

To some extent both Gojo and Geto it difficult to regard themselves as worthy of loving and genuine care. People may have cared like Geto’s family etc. but the problem lies in their ability to recognise and reciprocate it. He felt alone and couldn’t smile sincerely in his life. It was easier for him to give love than to receive it.

Gojo had a few students who did, but they perhaps came at a time too late (it was mere months after Geto died?) where he didn’t have the time to actually open up his heart too much in the end... before he was sealed, and then had to make the decision to enter the battle. Fortunately, by that time, he didn’t feel lonely anymore as he said in ch236 after death, but there was certainly a line where he didn’t feel he could be understood by others. He was born too different, perhaps? His pragmatic and callous facade made it difficult for others to get close enough to see the real Gojo Satoru. A part of it was about unparalleled strength. The magnitude of it. It wasn’t something Sukuna understood either, since he never knew love and lost it.

We can see that Gojo held different standards for Geto than he did himself though. In the anime many speculated that he was bringing the bouquet for Geto’s grave (or something similar). He must’ve given his body back to Mikiko and Nanako (or hidden it) because he didn’t have it processed & cremated by Shoko, (which would’ve been completely adhering to the orders of the institution). He also wanted to reclaim it for a proper burial from Kenjaku.

This feels so much like a husband & wife thing.

Widowed Husband goes: “Ah, just toss my ashes in the river.” But will get his wife flowers for her grave, ensure she has a clean gravestone, no weeds growing on her plot, leaves a plate out during anniversaries, etc.

Gojo’s love for Geto is also very Yang-coded (which is inherently more male) where he will cling on unwaveringly and there is something about reverence in how he patiently accepts Geto and tried to fulfil everything he wanted. In this sense, where he is portrayed as a loyal widower, he may surround himself with friends, activities, look after the kids, etc. but he will always honour and cherish his wife until his dying day.

Geto who is Yin-coded loves maternally, self-sacrificially. She will be willing to make sacrifices for the sake of her kin. Even if separated from her husband, she will nurture and build a family around her, uncomplaining. She may appear to cope on the surface, as she is used to her emotional needs being unmet without her partner/Husband, until her own dying day.

This is totally anecdotal of course, but to give myself some credit, I’ve talked intimately with more than my fair share of people in grief to see a pattern (and understand it in a personal level too)... we all grieve differently, love differently, value different things...

This is just my two cents. Any thoughts?

Feel free to comment or reblog with your own take.

#just some thoughts #of course they’re not really afforded the time to grieve #all characters in jjk probably have ptsd #or they will have ptsd by the end of it #satosugu #satosugu brainrot #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #geto suguru #stsg #goge gego #satosugu yin and yang coded #jjk grief #gojo analysis #geto analysis #jjk brainrot

46 notes · View notes

darkserenity24 · 2 days

Text

𝑭𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒐𝒎 & 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒐𝒔 - 𝑪𝒉. 4

Loki x Reader

𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘚𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺: 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘓𝘰𝘬𝘪 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘴.

𝘈/𝘕: 𝘛𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘶𝘱. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘵𝘰 @aintnooooway 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 💚. 𝘓𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘴 {𝘐 𝘣𝘦𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 🥺}

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑪𝒊𝒕𝒚 🏙️

You walked down the corridor with a pep in your step, feeling much better than you had in a long while. Loki fell into step beside you, looking the complete opposite of how you felt. His dark brows were low on his forehead and his lips were thinned. He looked as if he was ready to turn back around at any moment.

You glanced over at him with raised brows. “If you keep this up I’m afraid you’re going to be the one blowing a gasket soon.”

Your comment had its intended effect, his displeased expression instantly morphed into one of utter confusion.

Green eyes squinted in your direction. “I beg your pardon?”

I knew that would work, you thought to yourself.

“Listen, I know this is the last thing you want to do, but since you can’t go back to Asgard yet the plan is to get you accustomed to life here on Earth. Or at least, the city of New York.”

He made an unimpressed face at that before opening his mouth to speak.

“And yes, it’s necessary,” you added before he could ask that exact question in his petulant princely manner.

A week had passed since you and Loki had reunited in your bedroom, the night ending with you in tears as you peacefully fell asleep in his arms. When you awoke the next morning, he was gone, only leaving a note placed on your nightstand stating that he did not want to scare you when you woke up and discovered that he was still there in your room, so he had left.

Strangely, you felt a pang of disappointment and loneliness surge through your chest at the knowledge that he was gone, but you understood why he had left. If you were being honest, you didn’t know what you would have said if you woke to him still in your bed with you. Tell him sorry that I cried like a five-year-old and blubbered all over you?

Maybe you would’ve thanked him for providing you with the much-needed comfort you didn’t know you needed until he was there. Who knows.

You had dressed and went about your day, deciding to reach out to Loki yourself and ask to meet so you could discuss things further. Tony had given him an iPhone, which you could tell he was not a fan of but it did come in handy when you needed to contact him and had no idea where he was.

When you got the chance to meet with him again (in a setting that was not your bedroom), you informed him about the details of his image rehabilitation and how you were going to go about it, but not without thanking him for what he did for you the night before.

Maybe he expected that you’d be upset with him for some reason, but to be relieved at your more relaxed state around him. The news that he’d have to actually participate in making himself look more personable to humanity fully didn’t sink in until a bit later. Hence why he was currently in the grumpy state he was in at this moment in time as you both walked through the tower’s lobby.

“I know it’s your favorite pastime but unfortunately you can’t continue to stalk around the tower brooding and hissing at people all anymore. We need to make you more likable to the people here just as much as we want you to have a better public image.”

Loki raised a dark brow in challenge. “Firstly, I do not brood or hiss, and secondly I am an exceptionally likable being. Do you not agree?”

“Yes, I know you can be very charming when you allow yourself to be, but unfortunately other people don’t get to see that. We have to make you seem more approachable to others. If not the team, the average person needs to see you as friendly and harmless.”

“I am not friendly,” he grumbled. “Nor harmless for that matter.”

“Well, you’ll learn to be because today we’re taking you out of the tower so you can be around other people. It’ll just be a day trip around the city but eventually, I’ll bring you to some cool events so you can make friends and stuff like that.”

“This is needless. I don’t want friends.”

You shook your head, lightly touching the back of his arm as you continued the trek to your destination. “You may not want them, but you need them. Everyone needs friends, silly.”

You nodded your head at the two heavily armed S.H.I.E.L.D. agents who were waiting for you at the entrance of the tower before glancing over at Loki.

“I know you’ve um, sort of visited before but your view of the place was kind of obscured by everything that was going on back then,”

The agents opened the doors and you peered out at the blue skies and crowed sidewalks, smiling in excitement.

“Now, let me show you the real New York.”

Loki’s first outing had been interesting, to say the least. You wanted to catch the subway but realized on second thought that would be a bad idea since you didn’t know how people would act around him yet in such a jam-packed space. You doubted that they’d immediately recognized him but you didn’t want to take any chances. Thankfully Tony provided you with a driver and you took the town car instead.

You decided to take him on a tour around the city to introduce him to its wonderful infrastructure and historical sites. Unfortunately, he did not seem to be impressed. He came from a place where they were probably way more technologically advanced than humans were even a millennium ago.

Still, you decided to drag him around to your favorite spots, the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents trailing not too far behind you. There were more than a couple of times (several, actually) when you had to pivot Loki’s attention away from the many people who were staring at him. He didn’t seem to like the idea of practicing smiling at them, instead producing something akin to a grimace.

You stopped by an old greasy food truck to get some lunch when noon hit. As you got closer to the truck, Loki twisted his face in disgust, asking you if this was what Midgardians ate in this city and you nodded with a smile.

“Yeah! I know it’s not the healthiest but if you’re out and about and in need of a quick bite, food trucks are the way to go.”

You offered to buy him a sandwich to try which he quickly declined.

He seemed to be even more disturbed when walking on the crowded and messy sidewalks filled to the brim with bustling New Yorkers. He did not want anyone touching him, instead, deciding to charge through the crowd while dragging you along by your wrist. You stumbled past the annoyed onlookers, apologizing profusely as you tried to get Loki to slow down.

Needless to say, the S.H.I.E.L.D agents had a hard time catching up with you both, eventually pulling you to the side and giving you a warning that Loki had to be within their sight at all times or he wouldn’t be allowed to leave the tower anymore.

Taking them at their word, you kindly asked Loki if he could slow down a little, empathizing with him that you knew this was a lot to handle all at once. However, he had to work with you at least a little bit in order to make any progress that the team (and Nick Fury by extension) would find acceptable.

He stared at you with a blank face until his gaze finally dropped, sighing heavily and nodding his acquiescence. You didn’t expect for him to listen to you so quickly, but to his credit, he did behave in a more acceptable manner for the remainder of the outing. That was until you visited your favorite local bodega.

You sent Loki to the checkout counter to purchase a few items while you continued to look around the store to see if there was anything else you needed. A minute barely passed by before you heard a commotion coming from the front of the shop, one of the agents swinging by to get your attention.

When you arrived at the checkout counter, Loki was glaring menacingly at the nervous-looking cashier who looked as if he was ready to duck under the counter.

“What’s going on?” You asked, glancing from Loki to the shaking middle-aged man.

Loki spoke first, an irritated growl shrouding his voice. “This mongrel is insisting that I provide him with more payment than I deem necessary for such a small amount of items we are purchasing.”

You frowned in confusion, looking at the calculated total on the cash register. It appeared to be at a normal rate. Was it still a bit pricey? Yes, but that was just the average inflated NYC prices.

“I-It's the right amount man, I promise. I ain’t trying to swindle you or nothin’.” The man stammered, causing Loki to scowl at him even more.

You placed a hand on his arm and backed away. “Loki, he’s right. That’s the correct cost,” You mumbled, wondering if you should have spent more time explaining to him how currency worked on this planet. “We have to give him the money or we won’t be able to buy anything.”

“What? That’s preposterous,” He voiced out, “Am I not to bargain with him until he concedes? That is how we operate on Asgard. He was close to yielding under my gaze until you interrupted us.”

You actually slapped a hand to your forehead, not knowing whether to laugh or be taken aback by his unusual shopping methods.

“No, that’s not how that works here. If we don’t give him the correct amount of money he could probably ban us from coming back here, or worse, call the police on us.”

Loki smirked conceitedly. “I have never been one to back down from a challenge.”

You crossed your arms, giving him a somewhat stern look. “Yeah? Well, you will today. I know you can’t help but be mischievous and all but I do not want to have to explain to the team how we ended up in jail on your very first outing. That wouldn’t be a very good track record for either of us.”

He had the nerve to look disappointed at your words, pouting like a child. “Fine. If I must.”

He reluctantly handed over the cash to the man, who accepted it with trembling hands before whispering for you both to have a good day.

You had no doubt that both you and the cashier shared the same amount of relief when you and Loki left the bodega with no one getting hurt in the process.

You returned to the tower after that, deciding that was enough of an adventure for one day. Loki looked absolutely worn out. When you gave Tony a report of the outing later that night, he seemed to be pleased with the turn of events, only raising a skeptical eyebrow when you mentioned having only a “minor misunderstanding” at the local convenience store.

It was a few days later when you decided to take Loki on his second outing. You were planning on waiting until at least a week later to take him out again, but the team was still being extremely standoffish with him and it was not helping anyone. They didn’t include Loki in any activities or even attempt to have any meaningful conversation with him.

Besides Thor, Wanda seemed to be the only one who made any attempt to interact with Loki, though he only seemed to hum and grunt in response to her questions.

He appeared to be just as uncomfortable inside the tower despite your best efforts. He had even snapped at you once when you simply asked him a question about Asgard, to which you only raised a brow at him in response.

He quickly apologized but he didn’t really need to. You understood how he felt. Loki was homesick, and being stuck on Earth for so long was really getting to him.

So you decided to get him out of the tower again as soon as possible.

The next outing went similarly. This time, you took him to a grocery store. He looked appalled at how large it was inside and asked if every human in the city came to this one place for food.

“No, silly. There are lots of supermarkets around the city. This isn’t the only one.” You laughed at him and he appeared to be both confused and offended at the same time.

“There are more?” He questioned in an incredulous tone. “Humans do consume quite a lot.”

You nodded. “Food is life. Literally.”

Later that day you ended up at a nice little cafe located in Brooklyn which you thought Loki would enjoy a bit more. He liked drinking tea and the occasional coffee which the cafe had plentiful brews of both. He appeared to be more relaxed and a bit more in his element as you both sat at a table in the corner, the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents idling right outside of the shop’s exit.

“How’s your tea?” you asked, taking a careful sip of your oat milk latte.

He averted his gaze away from something behind you and eyed the drink that had been placed in front of him. “Subpar.” He sniffed and you scoffed at his answer.

“Let me guess, it’s not up to Asgardian standards.”

He smiled at you. “Your words, not mine.”

“I don’t know,” you state skeptically, “You seem to have been enjoying yourself a little more today. See, living on Earth isn’t that bad.”

It was his turn to scoff. “Those words will never be uttered from my mouth.”

“Never say never.” You grinned. “Don’t worry, you’ll be having tons of fun by the end of your stay here, whenever that will be. I’m planning on taking you to other-.”

“What does that mortal want?” Loki groused, eyes narrowing just past you on something you couldn’t see. You blinked, turning around to see one of the baristas behind the counter looking your way. He looked to be around your age, shaggy brown hair falling into his face.

He smiled politely when he caught your eye, and you smiled back awkwardly before turning back around to see Loki still focused on the boy.

“Maybe he’s just curious,” you guess with a shrug. Loki’s disguise was good but it wasn’t that full proof. The guy was probably just intrigued by him.

“Curious? About me, or you?”

“What?” you laugh. “Why would be be curious about me?”

“He has been ogling you the entire time we have remained in this establishment,” Loki stated with annoyance in his tone.

“Oh. Maybe he recognizes me from school or something. There are so many people in my classes that I can never remember what they all look like.” You explained with a small chortle.

“I suppose.”

The boy behind the counter finally noticed Loki’s not-so-friendly gaze, and quickly looked away, focusing his eyes on the espresso machine he was currently operating.

“Don’t scowl at him, Loki. Remember, you want to come off as nice and approachable, not suspecting and accusatory.” You reminded him. “Plus, he hasn’t done anything wrong. People stare sometimes. It’s normal.”

“I do not like it.” He said tersely.

“Yeah, I don’t like when people stare either. I know it makes you uncomfortable but eventually you’ll get used to it and the looks will stop soon enough.”

He focused his gaze back on you. “That is not what I meant. I do not care if I am being observed. After all, I am a prince.”

You raised a brow in amusement. “Then what do you mean?”

He was quiet for a moment before speaking. “I have an aversion to other humans observing you.”

You blinked in surprise, leaning back in your chair. “Huh? How come?”

“I do not trust them. Especially the male species.” He gritted his teeth.

You still didn’t quite understand what he meant by that before it finally hit you. As much as you were both trying to move on from what happened in his cell, what Jacob had done was still pretty fresh for the both of you.

Of course Loki didn’t trust other people. This was evident by the way he worried for you in the safest of places. He saw what Jacob and those two guards had done to you and it still was affecting him. You weren’t the only one who had been traumatized by that incident, and you couldn’t expect him to be okay so soon after.

However, the objective was to get him familiarized with human life, and if he didn’t trust anyone then he wouldn’t be making any progress. You couldn’t let that happen.

You both sat in silence, him likely mulling over his confession and you reflecting on your new revelation. It appeared that you had your work cut out for you more than you originally thought.

You placed your hand over his on top of the round table. “It’s okay. I understand.” You said softly, meeting his troubled green eyes. His gaze softened, and he slipped his much larger hand from under yours only to place his on top, his thumb brushing your skin softly.

“I’m glad you do.” was his simple response.

********

You eyed the countless people dressed in fancy gowns and tuxes like they were attending cocktail hour at the MET.

Tonight was Tony’s and Pepper’s anniversary party and apparently, every person that they knew seemed to have been invited. Surprisingly, this also included Loki, but something told you he wouldn’t show up. He’d rather be anywhere else than at a gathering for Tony Stark, is what you remember him saying when he received the very last-minute invitation.

You bit your lip as you entered the ballroom, smoothing down your silky spaghetti-strapped lavender dress and wiggling your toes in your strappy black heels, all courtesy of Wanda’s desire to dress you up like a doll tonight. You were a little self-conscious about how the material fit on your body but Wanda was insistent that it looked perfect on you so you just went with it.

You glanced around at the hundreds of bodies that filled the space, looking for two particular people while gripping the box you held in your hand. You traipsed around until you finally found who you were looking for.

“Black bean!” Tony exclaimed before waving you over towards him and his beautiful wife. You smiled and greeted them both, giving him and Pepper a quick hug.

“I see someone dressed to impress. I almost didn’t recognize you without that old hoodie covering half of your body. Good job!” Tony grinned and you shook your head at him.

“Not like I had much of a choice. Security probably wouldn’t have let me in here if I pulled up in jeans and a sweater like I originally planned to.” You joked. “I got something for you guys.”

You pushed the small box you held in your hands towards them with a small smile.

“Oh, that’s so sweet of you! You shouldn’t have.” Pepper replied with a kind smile and Tony scoffed dramatically.

“What? Yes, she should have! Don’t mind if I do.” He said, plucking the box out of your grasp.

Pepper lightly rolled her eyes at him and gave you a look that caused you to giggle. You spoke to the lovely couple for a few more minutes until you were distracted by the sound of your name being called out from behind you.

Your body instantly froze in place, blood running cold at the sound of the high-pitched bubbly timbre. Slowly, you turned around, meeting a familiar pair of blue eyes. Eyes too alike her older brother’s.

“OMG! I missed you so much!” Kayla ran up to you and wrapped you into a tight hug. You gasped quietly, body still stiff as a board before lightly wrapping your arms around her in return.

She eventually released you, pulling back with a blinding smile. She looked even taller than before, which was saying a lot because you were also wearing heels.

“It’s been forever. What have you been up to?” She asked with genuine curiosity in her voice.

“Oh, um, just working like usual. Nothing crazy really, waiting for school to start again soon… yep.”

You knew you sounded so awkward but you couldn’t help it. You were practically shaking around her. To your knowledge, Kayla had no clue about the incident with her brother that landed you in the hospital for weeks. She didn’t know what actually happened with Jacob, and the thought of her ever finding out put you on edge around her.

“Wow, it’s been like, ages since we last saw each other. We need to hang out soon!” She twirled a piece of her perfectly curled golden locks. “I feel a bit guilty for kind of ghosting for a while. It’s just that Jake left the country and my parents haven’t been taking it very well. I don’t know what’s gotten into him but he needs to come back ASAP. I cannot handle them on my own. It’s been complete hell.” She sighed.

You nodded, letting out a nervous laugh. “Oh, yeah? I-I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, it’s been totally crazy. The last person who saw him was my dad, and he said that Jake had seemed really upset about something, saying that he was quitting his job here at the tower. He took a bunch of money from the family account and left town overnight. I don’t know what’s going on with him but I hope he’s okay. He can be a complete ass sometimes but he’s my big brother, you know?”

“Yeah, of course you’d care about him. He’s your family after all.” You inwardly cringed at your own words, the reminder of the situation being a bit too much for you at the moment.

“Yeah, it’s a lot to handle.” She remarked with a pout before shooting you an odd look. “Although, I think you know something that I don’t.”

The blood instantly drained from your face. “I do?”

“Yeah, you do. You can’t hide it from me.”

Your palms became sweaty.

“I-I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about-.”

One perfectly sculpted brow rose on her forehead. “The alien prisoner, duh!” She proclaimed with a shake of her head. “You didn’t tell me that they released him a few weeks ago and that he’s still here in the tower. I had to hear it by eavesdropping on one of my dad’s “secret” conversations.”

The amount of relief that filled your body at her accusation was substantial. You truly thought that she was going down another path. A darker one that you didn’t want any light to shine on. Ever.

You rubbed your bare shoulders, granting her a look of pretend guilt with a light chuckle. “Oh, that! Yes, Loki’s out of his cell now but he’s still on sort of a probation so no need to worry.”

She didn’t look totally convinced, brows scrunching up in fear. “So you’re telling me that he’s just been let loose around the tower? Oh my god, what if I run into him? What do I do?” She fretted.

“Say hi? He’s not that bad, I promise you. He can seem a little… daunting at times but that’s just him. He’s not out to hurt you or anything like that.” Her constant worrying about Loki was not doing her any favors.

She crossed her arms and adjusted her stance. “I don’t know. I think I’ll just try my best to stay away from him. Avoid him at all costs. My dad says that he’s a complete psycho terrorist who would be better off back on his own planet- oh!” She interrupted herself, looking highly interested in something, or at someone over your shoulder. “Hottie alert!”

You turned around to look through the crowd, attempting to see what she was looking at. There were too many people in your way, she could’ve been looking at anyone.

“That man is a beautiful piece of specimen if I’ve ever seen one. I’m gonna go introduce myself. Follow my lead.”

She fussed over her already flawlessly styled and fitted gown before strutting through the crowd. Your brows twitched in confusion but you trailed after her anyway, slipping between chattering groups of guests as you tried to keep up with Kayla’s long strides across the room. You were just about to give up when she suddenly stopped in her tracks with an elegant practiced pose.

You stumbled in your heels, stopping just in time in order not to run into her from behind.

Placing a hand on her hip, she began speaking to the mystery person. A sickeningly sweet tone emanated from her. “Hey gorgeous, my name is Kayla, and you are?” She inquired sultrily.

You didn’t know why you followed her only to witness her flirt with some random stranger. You couldn’t see who she was talking to as you were still behind her, trapped between people on almost all sides of you. The person wasn’t very quick at responding, as she stood expectantly waiting for his return greeting for a brief moment.

It was extremely awkward, and you were not going to stick around much longer to dwell in the discomforting scene. You were preparing to turn around and go back where you came from before you heard the dark, silky tone that granted her a response.

“I know exactly who you are.” The man said in a guarded and slightly aggressive tone.

Your eyes widened in absolute horror and disbelief as you stepped beside her to get a good look at her acquired target.

It was Loki.

Story Masterlist

✦ 𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰. 𝘙𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 ;)

✦ 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘒𝘰-𝘧𝘪 ✨: 𝘩𝘵𝘵𝘱𝘴://𝘬𝘰-𝘧𝘪.𝘤𝘰𝘮/𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺24

𝘛𝘢𝘨 𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵: @aintnooooway @mischief2sarawr @talesofadragon @cass0419 @lcolumbia1988 @timeladyrikaofgallifrey @echo-is-worth-more-than-2000

#loki x reader #freedom and chaos #loki fanfic #loki x female reader #loki x y/n #loki x you

31 notes · View notes

idontplaytrack · 2 days

Text

“All Mine.”

Janis ‘Imi’ike x overweight fem! reader

Warnings: coarse language, mentions of violence, eating disorders, bit of angry & protective Janis, smut ending

Part 2 of “Don’t Say Forever”, Janis returns to school the next day and goes up against the apex predator. The one who started it all, the one who made school like hell for reader. But all’s well that ends well.

The next day, you stayed home from school, heeding her advice You were simply so done that you didn’t even think of going to school. So when she told you to stay home, you almost immediately agreed. At least you’d have a day of peace instead of having to face those feelings and people. And so, she gets picked up by Damian and they drove to school together.

“Did either of you get any sleep last night?”

“Oh, she slept good.” Janis says with a soft sigh, “I didn’t really sleep.”

“Girl, why the hell not?”

“Because I was up thinking about what to do about the whole bullying/name-calling situation since the school refused to do anything and is still allowing it all to happen right under their noses.”

“Mrs. Norbury did after you both left— Regina was speechless. Everybody was. It was quiet for the first time since everything started. Like— I’ve been telling people to shut the fuck up, you have too, but they never really lasted. But yesterday? That was something else.”

“Regina wouldn’t just stop like that. You don’t know her like I did.” Janis scoffs, “The only way we can win, is by overtaking her on the ‘food chain’.”

“And how do you suggest we do that?”

“We poach her girls.” Janis answered confidently, “y/n told me that Gretchen talked to her yesterday. Saying that Regina calls her what, ‘little miss overthinker’ while talking shit about her— she knows. She’s not that stupid. She’s not that bad. We can convince her to come onto our side instead.”

Damian nodded, “Okay, good. Let’s…do that. And I feel like Aaron can be on our team too, honestly. I’ve seen him check on her and just…glare at some of those miserable minions.”

“Great, more people on our side the better. I still need to talk to that bitch directly though. I tried to once and remember? She screamed bloody murder and tried to get me into trouble.”

“Oh, honey that was a fucking mess.”

“Like— okay, after all of that, I get why y/n’s keeping quiet about this with me. It’s a difficult thing to be going through and sharing but I would rather she talk to me so she can get it off of her mind than have it constantly weighing down on her, you know? I tell her that all the time and she says okay but it never really works.”

“Be patient with her. I know you are doing that but please continue to be.” Damian says.

Janis only nodded then looked out the window.

“Is anyone at home with her?”

“Her Mom is, for the morning. We talked late last night— I finally told her who started the whole bullying thing. But that y/n’s alright at the moment…I’m hoping. She knew that y/n was getting bullied because y/n told her. Not in detail, though. But that’s changed now.”

“Right, it’s good that her Mom’s aware so she can help instead of being upset that y/n’s acting all ‘distant’ or upset. It’s so good that she understands.”

“She told the school first. They claimed there was nothing going on.” Janis recalls, “Then we told them— one ‘investigation’ later? Nothing and yet here we are.”

“Mrs. Norbury risked her job to talk to the school during assembly. That’s ridiculous— she’s doing the right thing.”

“The school’s fucked up. What’s it gotta take for them to finally listen? Lost lives?”

The remainder of the drive was silent, with Damian’s playlist being the only thing heard for the next ten minutes. Damian parks his car then they both walk into school together. The very first person Janis sees…is none other than Regina George. Just the person she needed to see.

“What, freak?” The blonde snarked.

“You are so pathetic to have to find meaning in your life by demeaning other people.” Janis began, “We’re one foot out of high school and you’re still acting like you’re better than others? Shit, the real world sucks and you’d better pray your eyes open up soon enough for you to see it. You wouldn’t last a day in the shoes of anyone else.”

“In the real world, not everyone’s gonna like you.” She said back cockily.

“Yeah? Sure. Not everyone’s going to be bullying someone just ’cause they have nothing else to say so they pick on their weight, and every little thing. No sane person pays that much attention to someone they claim to hate!”

Janis immediately went on her to homeroom with Damian after that, not wanting to let Regina have a chance to respond. When she approached the room, Ms. Norbury was waiting outside. She then stopped her from entering so they could talk. Damian went right in and greeted Mr. Duvall as he walked to his desk.

“I talked to the students yesterday. A lot of them spoke up against Regina, some stayed quiet but they chattering stopped after that. If you or Damian, or y/n hear anything about anything or anyone. I will not hesitate to report them. Every single one of them. If I have to type or write their names until my hands fall off, I will if that’s what it takes to make the school safer.”

“Thank you.” Janis says. Today’s been the most peaceful day in months— no murmuring, pointing of fingers and snickering. But yet, Janis was still furious. “I take it she won’t be coming into school today. Tell her to take all the time off she needs— I’ll have her teachers send her homework home with you.”

“Regina started it. Right in front of our faces.” Janis tells her, “On y/n’s very first day back after her time off last year due to her eating disorder. So, Mrs. Norbury, I am very angry. I am very protective of the girl I love. She has been through enough.”

“Janis, I understand your frustration and it’s absolutely justified. Please don’t engage with Regina anymore. We’ve called for her Mom to come down so we can talk.”

“What’s talking gonna do?”

“We’ll suspend her. She could even be facing expulsion.”

“I talked to her earlier. I didn’t threaten her, I did not hit her. That’s it, i just talked. I had to say something.”

“Okay.” Mrs. Norbury acknowledges.

“Okay.” Janis nodded curtly then walked into class and say down beside Damian.

While Janis and Damian’s days have started, you’d barely just woken up from your sleep. You washed up and trudged downstairs to see that your Mom had made you breakfast. “Morning, Mom.”

“Morning, darling.” Your Mom smooches you on the cheek. You sat down, grabbing your cutlery and digging into the food.

“Janis must’ve talked to you, hasn’t she?” you asked knowingly. Why else would she still be at home on a Wednesday morning? She worked 9 to 5.

“I asked her about it. She didn’t tell me everything because that’s up to you— she said. She did however tell me who started the bullying.”

“Oh.” That’s all you said, not knowing what else you could reply with. “Thanks for breakfast. I’m sorry I’ve been in a bad mood lately, it’s just been really draining to have to go to school and deal with Regina and everyone else.”

“I’m relieved you’re here with me. And that you guys are letting me understand the situation. Don’t about it.” She assured. “I get that things like that are really hard to share, but whenever you’re ready, you can talk to me about it. Even if you just want me to listen, alright?”

————

After breakfast, you curled up on the couch to watch some TV. Janis gave you a call around noon, right before her lunch break. “Hey.” You answered the call.

“Hi, love. Whatcha doing?”

“I’m lying on the couch watching The Big Bang Theory reruns.”

“Did you have breakfast yet?” Janis asked.

“Yes.” You assured, “My Mom ate together with me.”

“I’ll be right there after school.” She says with a smile, “Okay?”

“Okay.” You chuckle, “How’s school?”

“Actually good. Regina has been suspended and we now have Aaron and Gretchen in our little friend group. They were the first one to speak up against Regina when Mrs. Norbury talked to all of them during assembly.”

You scoff, “Wow. Okay, um— that— that’s good, I guess.”

“I’ll see you soon, okay? Bye-bye.” Janis says, “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” You replied and she hung up.

You didn’t have anything to do so you eventually dozed off on the couch for the next few hours. The break was much needed after all. You were a little shocked by how long you fell asleep for, because when you woke up, Janis was already in your house. “Oh, shit.” You gasped, clutching your chest, “You’re here.”

“Didn’t mean to scare you.” She grins, “I brought you some— oh, no, baby. What happened to your hand?”

“She dropped a mug while making tea for herself, tried to clean it up but the shards ended up cutting her palm.” Your Mom walked in from the backyard, “Hi, Janis.”

“Hi.” Janis gave her a little bit of a smile. “You’re so clumsy.”

“I know.” You laughed, sitting up properly. Janis sat down beside you and turned the TV back on, handing you the bag of cookies. You took it and got one out of the bag to eat. Naturally she pulls you closer and you just laid your head on her shoulder while the both of you watched TV. She had an arm snaked around your waist as she turned to press a kiss to your head. You smiled, which she saw.

“I saw that.” She teased, giving you another kiss just for the heck of it. She ends up peppering your whole face with kisses which made you laugh. Probably the first genuine one in weeks and weeks. Now face to face with her after she’d stopped kissing you, you see her eyeing your partially eaten cookie. Then, she just ate it right out of your hand. This silly little action made you laugh a lot harder than you probably should have. “I love you so fucking much.” She says while chewing the cookie in her mouth.

“I love you more.” You say back, smile still plastered on your face as the two of you leaned closer foreheads resting against each other’s.

Janis mirrors your smile, hand rubbing your back soothingly.

“Where’s my homework?” You broke the silence. She nearly cackled, “In my bag. Chill, baby. Let’s just relax for a little bit. You’re not behind on your assignments.”

Later on, your Mom headed out to get groceries for dinner tonight, leaving you and Janis home alone for a while. “Hey.” You say. “Yeah?” She asks, putting her phone away.

“You look good in my clothes.” You replied, fingers tracing random shapes on her chest as you watched her eyes.

Janis bites back a grin, cheeks flushed just a tiny bit. “Are you doing what I think you’re doing, babe?” She composed herself quickly. Given your current position where you were laid down on her stomach first. You very easily straddled her, legs bracketing her on either side. Your face inches away from hers, she keeps a firm hand on your back so you wouldn’t fall. You studied her face and eyes for an answer, she does so by putting her lips against yours and her free hand under your chin.

“Not that I’m complaining, but why—”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” You said, “Just suddenly felt in the mood.”

“Maybe we should move this upstairs.” She suggests. You nodded eagerly, climbed off her and ran up the stairs while holding onto Janis’ wrist.

“Made a little pit stop at my place after school.” Janis revealed, “I brought some toys over.”

You locked the door and shut your curtains. As you sat down, emptied her bag. It was the same bag she used for school but was now only containing the sex toys. “Three options. Take your pick and I’m gonna take my time with you.” Janis looked at you while you pondered over the choices, “I can use all three of them on you, too if that’s what you want.”

You were just suddenly…horny and she was more than happy to help you. Not that she doesn’t, but this was just a little different because she usually initiated it. And this time, her eyes…they tell you that she was patient. Not so much in a rush to touch you all over the place. She wanted to know what you wanted, then she’d do it. Usually, things heated pretty quickly, but this was going to be something else. Janis had caught you at the very beginning of your getting in the mood to be intimate.

You picked the strap and a vibrating wand. She left the insertable vibe alone, got ahold of the wand and told you to lie down. You did, and then she carefully slid off your pyjama pants and underwear. “Legs open, baby.”

You automatically did as she told you to, looking up at the ceiling in the midst. Hearing the vibrator get switched on, it gets held against your clit in the next few seconds. You kept your eyes closed in order to feel it more intensely and have that be your main focus. The buzzing sensation was then mixed in with pleasure as it started to course through you gradually. You knew Janis was watching you grow wetter, she will always do that. But now her attention was being a great help in having your arousal grow. “Does it feel good, my love?” Janis chuckled over her words, moving herself down she could start kissing you at the same time. You whined as a reply, instantly giving her all she needed to know. She keeps the wand at the same speed but pressed it harder against your clit every now and then to make you squirm.

“Do you want me to use my hands?” Janis asks, while breaking away from a rather long kiss. You hummed and nodded your head in approval, kissing her again immediately. The kiss keeps deepening, the vibrator gets put down on the bed, getting replaced by her fingers— pumping in and out of you at just the pace you needed.

Janis broke away after awhile and chose to sit down between your legs, fingers still hard at work. Well, she was actually being so very gentle with you. It kind of made you a little crazier than her more common approach. You sounded like a needy little girl under her touch, yearning for more of her despite what she was already doing. This felt more sensual than sinful, if it had to be described.

“Are you sure you want to try the strap, my love?” She asks softly, fingers starting to go deeper with each thrust. “Mm— mhm.” You managed to tell her. “Okay.” She said back, one hand starts to massage your breast. You let out a low moan that you quickly tried to stop by chewing on your lower lip.

She was probably going so slowly because she had guess that you’d be afraid you Mom would be able to hear you two if she were to get home before you finished. But it was exactly what you wanted anyway— you swear, it was like this girl could read your mind or something. When your noises became more frequent, she slowly pulled her fingers out and gave you the wand to hold against your clit. “I’m just gonna put on the strap. I’m not going anywhere— you can see me.” She promised. You nod your head, watching her with semi-closed eyes. The constant, steady pleasure was so satisfying, and absolutely relaxing for you.

Now with the harness securely on, she took the wand away and her fingers returned, so did her kisses. So tender, but purposeful. You were a whiny mess, she was being so soft with you, it riled you up even more to be seeing this side of her.

“You’re all mine, princess.” Janis chuckles into the kiss, “All mine…I’m so lucky.”

Fuck. You whimpered into the kiss and your tongue slowly slid into her mouth, she reciprocates, kissing you back with the same fervour.

“Are gonna keep making those cute little noises for me?”

As if you could answer that. Janis smirked, continuing to kiss you a little while longer before you feel her moving the tip of the silicone shaft along your folds. You licked your lips, pursing them together while watching her in anticipation. You sent a nod of approval her way, not knowing what to expect having never tried it before. You feel everything, the stretching as it enters you, how bizarre it seemed to be, and how uncomfortable it was. Janis saw your face contorting and just stopped moving. You yelped. “It hurts.” You told her honestly. “Okay.” She backs away and the toy leaves you. “Do you wanna stop?” She asks, worriedly.

“No.” You decided, taking in a deep breath.

“Alright.” She agrees, “Let’s try a different position, okay? After I get the lube.”

“Okay” You muttered. The pain didn’t make you lose interest in finishing, you still felt aroused, just maybe ready to never use the strap again after today if it was still uncomfortable. Not everything’s going to work for everyone, after all. There was a lot she could do to achieve the same results. Janis very quickly returns and squeezed some lube onto the silicone, then onto you. You feel it drip onto your cunt then you feel Janis spreading it with her fingers, which dipped inside you just fleetingly. She feels you tighten a bit around her fingers, you see her brows raised for a moment before she flashes you a smile. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t like it.” She caresses your thigh. You nod, “I know. I just wanna try it and see if I do.” “Okay, babe- let’s try it again alright?” She said back, “On your hands and knees, y/n.”

You get into position and she lines up the strap with your entrance using her hand. You feel the tip again, then a similar stretch, less painful but more so uncomfortable. “Can I keep going?” She asks, words laced with worry.

“Yeah, do it.” You replied, she grabs your hips while pushing forward. You moaned lowly, mouth hanging open while you tried to get used to this entirely foreign sensation. “Ooh, such a good girl, baby. You’re taking me so well.” She laughs huskily while rubbing your ass, it sends a chill down your back. Janis stays still to let you adapt to it, you start to realise the tip of it has been pushing against your sensitive spot deep inside, causing the pleasure to course through your body without you even explicitly realising it. She started bucking her hips leisurely to keep things at the same intensity as it has been. You’ve been very quiet though and Janis was starting to want to hear more from you.

Every time Janis bucked her hips, you feel yourself getting closer to your high, and your ability to stay quiet die down bit by bit. More and more noises started to fall from your move with each of her thrusts, as a result of the increasing pleasure.

You weren’t sure about how much time had passed since your Mom left the house. Maybe it’s been forty five minutes, or an hour. Either way, your anxiety of getting caught in this situation was in the way of your making noise for Janis. She deliberately pushed into you harder to force the noises out of you, not giving you the time to worry. What’d you do? You grabbed another pillow and hoped it would do the job of stifling the noise that were just about to spill from your mouth.

“Take it, take it.” Janis panted, thrusting into your cunt harshly, but her pace was still pretty relaxed. “Take it, baby. I’m not done with you yet, are you close?”

You groaned into the pillow, giving her a muffled ‘maybe’. She pulls out the most she could after hearing what you said, then no longer pushing into fully to deprive you from what you needed for a short time so she could build up your desire. You knew what she was doing, and why, but of course, with your orgasm approaching you weren’t happy about the idea of edging because you needed hell of a lot more than what she’d been giving you, to come already.

“I need to come.” You told her pathetically, your cheek pressed against the pillow. You feel feeling yourself aching and clenching around nearly nothing— those weren’t nice feelings to be experiencing.

“Say please?” Janis cooed, “Be a good girl and say please, then I’ll let you.” She was still thrusting inside you, but not even halfway through.

You cried a little bit as much as her pet name for you made you blush. You were feeling so damn desperate and wound up that you only had the goal of a release in your mind. The pleasure was immense, but the ache was what made you frustrated. She knew you were like that— she knew what made you squirm, what made you whine and whimper and moan and she was doing all she can to let the frustration build and build to the point where you had no choice but to beg.

It was beginning to feel infuriating. You mumbled something but you yourself weren’t even sure what it was.

“Speak up, love. I can’t hear you.”

That really ticked you off even though it was the truth— she couldn’t hear you.

“Make me come.” You huffed, giving into her request because it seemed to be the only way. Even though technically, no because she knew you were so close without a doubt. Janis was simply being a fucking tease. “Please.” Immediately, she slams into you, making direct contact with your g-spot easily. You cursed and swore, trying not to fall flat onto your stomach at her sudden movement while an incessant string of noises spewed from your mouth like no one’s business. Janis had a smug smile on her face, you saw it through the peripheral vision. And it clearly did something for you because you very quickly unraveled. Way harder than you’d expected to. Way harder than you did yesterday, shocking both yourself and Janis.

“Holy shit!” She shouts in a whisper, “That is so gorgeous. Damn.” You gave her a shaky whine as she continues to pull you in and push you away, stimulating you to the point where you saw stars. You were still coming— you could feel the damn slick dripping down your thighs. Bordering on overstimulation, the ache in your cunt became more evident, the tears pricking your eyes? A couple of them fell against your will.

Hearing how fucked out you were, Janis pulled out completely after a few minutes and letnyou catch your breath. Ditching the harness, you were then met with the warmth of her tongue. Slow and soft teasing flicks going over each and every part of your overheated pussy. She was absolutely just savouring you like you were a goddamn full-course meal. Now this, was your last straw, the most intense and intimate thing — in your opinion that she’s done since the start of this ‘session’. It did not take you even half as long to come a second time, it took Janis by surprise, but she happily continued and even cleaned you off the same way— being extra, extra gentle of course.

“How was that?” She asks while lying on you, on her stomach as she grins. You bounced your leg, giving her a tiny taste of what you felt. “You’re amazing.” You stated, hand combing through her hair.

“So are you, baby.” She presses a kiss to your lips, you inevitably tasted yourself on them. Though for some reason it startled you and it made her laugh. “Aww.” She teases, brushing the slightly sweaty hair out of your face, “Maybe I should get you used to tasting yourself, what do you think?”

“I’m thinking maybe I should return the favour.” A smirk started to form on your face, “I know you talked to Regina, so don’t even try to deny it. Thank you.”

“Ohh.” Janis looked at you with slightly wide eyes, “I’m not gonna say no to that, baby. Like I said, I’d kill for you. Talking to her is no big deal.”

“Please don’t do that. That’s not good.” One could argue she was joking, but was she capable of something like that? Absolutely. Were you worried? A little. Would she do it? You hoped not.

“I promise.” Janis chuckles into the kiss. “I love you too much to get myself into shit like that.”

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @reneeswif3 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

💭A/N: I honestly only started this draft bc I was bored so it is honestly not up to my usual standard at all but hey, enjoy😙

23 notes · View notes

salllzy · 13 hours

Text

Sal's ramblings #6

Lilith had fucked off and left him and Charlie, his sweet little princess. The light of his life. But he also knew that he would need help to look after Charlie, the rest of the sins were busy and he couldn't ask them to help. But at the same time, he didn't want to invite anyone else into their lives. Lilith had created a massive gaping wound in their lives and it was going to take time to heal. Then one day Charlie went missing, he didn't know if it was due to incompetence or it was due to maliciousness. But either way, he had dealt with it. They had been given one job and that was to look after Charlie and they had failed to do that. For weeks he combed through the Rings of Hell, hoping that he would find some trace of her, eventually, he started to give up hope. Then one day when he was listening to the radio, he heard a familiar laugh. It was Charlie's laugh. He also knew that there was only one demon who controlled the radios and would do regular broadcasts. It didn't take him long to find where the broadcast came from and he rained fire down on the radio station. He then proceeded to beat the radio demon to a bloody pulp. He then took Charlie away from the burning wreckage of the radio tower and took her home. Naturally, Charlie was upset, Lucifer did his best to soothe her and it eventually worked. It was also then that he got the story from Charlie. The radio demon, Alastor, she had called him, had found her wandering around the streets after she had gotten lost. She had followed her nanny who had gone into a shop to buy some sweets, but when she left the shop the nanny hadn't been there. So Charlie panicked and tried to find the nanny only to run into a group of angry demons instead and was then rescued by the radio demon instead. The story made him feel like an absolute bastard, he had flown off the handle. He had been so blinded by panic and rage that he hadn't stopped to think things through. He wouldn't call the radio demon innocent, he had read the demon's file, killing over a hundred and twenty-three people before being mauled by dogs and then shot in the head. Only to cling to life for an extra ten minutes as pain consumed him. So Lucifer decided to try and make things right, if not for Charlie's sake then for his. After all, Charlie had been well looked after and cared for while she had been under his protection, the least Lucifer could do was heal the wounds that he had inflicted. Only when he returned to the smouldering remains of the radio station, there was no sign of the radio demon. He looked and kept looking but it was as if the demon had vanished. He silently hoped that he hadn't killed the demon. Charlie would be devasted if she found out. he returned home and kept Charlie company while she drew a picture of the radio demon, silently he kept hoping that he would be able to find the demon soon. Only it didn't happen. For seven years he looked and for seven years he failed to find the demon. All the while Charlie was telling him stories about how Alastor had looked after her, how he had braided her hair and sung her to sleep. How he would cook her favourite foods even though he didn't like to eat them. The more she talked, the more he wanted. Lilith was never coming back and Charlie needed a mother in her life, he knew that he would need to apologise and make amends for his actions. If he wanted to create any type of relationship with Alastor, then he would need to clear the air. ------ Then one day, as he was throwing a ball for Charlie's birthday, Alastor walked into their lives as if nothing had happened. But Lucifer knew better, he could see his red eyes tracking his every movement and Alastor made sure that Lucifer was always in his line of sight. Much like how a prey would watch a predator.

Charlie had no problems with running towards Alastor and hugging his waist, she had grown during his seven-year absence. Lucifer made sure to keep an eye on the pair throughout the evening, he watched as Alastor put another Overlord, Mox? Dox? Box? In his place, it was an arousing sight. He knew that Alastor was powerful, he had to be to be an Overlord. But he didn't show it off, not like the other Overlords. But the fly was now in the spider's parlour and Lucifer had no intention of letting Alastor leave without finding some way of binding Alastor to them.

#hazbin alastor #sal's ramblings #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #alternate universe #kid charlie #radioapple

21 notes · View notes

scekrex · 1 day

Note

So I have this Headcanon for Adam, Since he was, to put it bluntly, made to have sex, I like to think that the only way he knows how to handle his feelings is to have sex. And since we all know Adam is not one to express his feelings, like at all, I think if he was ever sad he would just be really overly sexual as a way to push down his feelings/not let people see how he feels.

So I was thinking, a story based during that weird period in Eden where Eve just ate the apple/betrayed Adam but Lucifer+ Lilith haven’t been banished yet. Angel! Reader has been Adam’s friend for a while, so of course he checks in on him after he loses another wife.

Adam is upset because of it (who can blame him honestly) and when Reader asks if he wants to talk about it, Adam being Adam try’s to change the subject by flirting/coming on to the Reader. (Maybe even more so than when he did with Eve or in the past, Lilith, because he doesn’t want to feel all of the pain he’s going through. Reader being the only one he truly trust now could also play a factor)

But Reader shuts it down, not because he doesn’t like Adam that way, he really does, but because he knows Adam isn’t in the right place mentally to consent to that. So Reader decides to take Adam to a nice spot and just holds Adam gently as he sings him a comforting lullaby till he falls asleep in his arms. Vowing to always be by his side.

I honestly love Angsty Eden! Adam. Where he’s not the complete Asshole he is in the show but he’s not as pure and happy as he was when he was first created. Being cheated on twice really did a number on him 😭😭 it’s completely fine if you don’t want to do this request btw!! love your works 💛💛

Nuh uh your request is too good to ignore it/not write it, I also love Eden!Adam - that man makes me cry every damn time. Because just imagine how lost, hopeless and confused he must've felt

Where you go, I'm going, so jump and I'm jumping since there is no me without you

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, hurt - with comfort

note: beta read by @drxgonspine

The only logical way for Adam to express his feelings was sex. It didn't matter how he was feeling, whenever strong emotions welled up inside of him and he needed to get them out of his system sex was the solution. And that had worked out fine for a long time - it had worked out with Lilith and it had continued to work out with Eve.

But then things fell apart when Eve took the apple Lucifer offered her. It was weird to walk over the solid ground of Eden knowing fully well that the people who were responsible for the chaos and for shattering Adam’s heart once more were still allowed to walk on the same divine ground as he did. He was convinced that consequences would come but as for that moment, Lilith and Lucifer remained pure, a thing that bothered Adam even more.

They broke the rules - Eve ate the apple, Lilith cheated on him with an angel and Lucifer had tempted both of them to commit sinful acts, acts that were greedy and selfish, acts that would stain the first and second women’s souls forever. There was no such thing as redemption for them, human or not, and Adam was quite fond of that knowledge. And yet he hated it with all of his guts because losing one wife was one thing, losing two wives the other. He would end up alone again, once the mighty ones were to make their decisions. Loneliness and emptiness would come around to swallow his heart again - would God love his creation enough to give him a third wife? Maybe a husband this time to try and see if he would stay? Adam wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure if he even wanted to offer his heart to a third person - what if he would end up hurt regardless? He was not strong enough to handle another rejection. At that very moment he wasn’t strong enough to handle anything. He felt alone, his soul felt shattered, broken, just like his heart and he wanted to fill the void and numb the pain.

You were watching your favorite human through the orb that was showing you what Adam was doing - he seemed unstable and in need of assistance and given that Lucifer was no longer allowed to talk to the first man, you had been tasked with assisting the brunette - a thing you had been looking forward for quite a while. So without further ado you opened a gleaming portal and decided to pay your beloved little human a visit.

“Adam,” you smiled at the brunette who turned around to face you. His body seemed to visibly relax at the pure sight of you, clearly happy to see you. And yet his little smile dropped as you continued to speak, “I heard what happened to Eve.” Slowly you walked towards the first man, your hands reached out for the first human hands God had created.

You squeezed them lighty, just enough to let the brunette know you’re there for him, that he is not alone and for as long as you exist he will never be alone again. “Let’s forget about Eve,” he hummed, swallowing the pain he was feeling like a pill, pushing his negative feelings out of the way to make room for the love he held in his heart for the only creature who had proven to be loyal and honest - you.

The touch on your hand that had started out soft grew firm as Adam pulled you in, causing you to crash right into him.

One arm of his wrapped around your waist like a snake, keeping you in place as he pushed his hips flush against yours. He desperately needed to get the pain out of his blood flow, he needed you to take the pain from him - he wasn't strong enough to handle it alone, not with everything going on. He needed- he wanted- he- what was it that he needed and wanted? “Adam,” your voice sounded so soft, so pure and beautiful it caused him to snap out of the haze.

Your hands were resting on his shoulders, gently pushing him away from your body - that was not what Adam needed. He needed you close, needed you all over him. He felt like he was drowning in sadness, anger and pain and you were the only thing that kept him breathing. So out of reflex he dug his nails into your skin, trying his very best to keep you close, he could not bear to lose you too, not when he had already lost so much.

He craved you, desired you, he wanted your hands on him in more gentle ways, in more sexual ways. “Please,” was all the brunette was able to whisper as he rutted his hips against yours, desperation was written all over his face and his eyes were begging you. Begging for you to take the pain away, to make it all stop. They were begging you to make him forget - Adam wanted to forget. He wanted the memories of Lilith and Eve he had stored in his mind and in his heart to disappear, a wish you were not able to fulfill.

“Adam my dear,” you mumbled, your soft voice sounded heavy, sad, real. It sounded too real to Adam’s ears and yet he found himself unable to tune it out. One of your hands softly moved up the first man’s neck to cup his face, eagerly the brunette leaned into your warm touch - that was exactly what he needed. “Let’s talk about it, shall we?” But the brunette just shook his head at your words, as one of his hands grabbed the wrist of the hand that was cupping your face to guide it to his mouth.

Just as he was about to suck two of your fingers between his lips you pulled away from his grip - not violently, just firm enough to make a statement. Having sex with Adam in general wasn’t the problem, you two had done it before and under different circumstances you would’ve given your consent. But Adam was unstable, sex would only destroy him more, no matter what he thought. And so you did not give in even though the brunette did manage to get certain reactions from your body. Your wings were puffy and your dick was slowly growing hard - but you wanted Adam to feel better not worse and despite his beliefs he would feel worse after it.

“We won’t have sex my love, no matter how often you beg for it,” your hand found its way back to his cheek, gently cupping his face as you kissed his lips quickly yet lovingly. Adam was about to lean into the soft gesture and deepen it but you pulled away before he could, a soft chuckle vibrated through your body at the look of his face. “Come on my little star, I will accompany you for the rest of the night.” Adam was eager to take your hand and followed your lead without a second thought, he was simply enjoying the fact that he was not alone and you were not leaving him all to himself in a situation like that.

Once the both of you reached a small lake that was surrounded by trees and therefore shielded from any curious eyes that might be roaming Eden’s ground you sat down in the grass, enjoying the beauty of nature - Adam seemed hesitant for the first time. Would he push too far if he were to ask you to hold him? Would he- his train of thoughts was interrupted by your voice - the sadness was gone and what remained was joy, “Lay down on me, beautiful.” That you didn’t have to repeat, it only took the brunette seconds to sit down next to you and rest his head in your lap. Your hands found their way into his soft messy hair, playing with the brown fluff on the first man’s head as he hummed, visibly enjoying the soft touches despite them being non-sexual.

And when your beautiful voice started to sing the most divine sounding melody, Adam knew he was done for, there was no turning back for him anymore. His eyes slipped close as he drank in the sound of your voice paired with the singing of the birds in the background and it only took him a couple of minutes to fall asleep.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #adam x male reader #male reader #adam x y/n #adam x reader #adam x you

26 notes · View notes

narcissisticpdcultureis · 3 days

Note

fictionkin NPD culture is seeing someone be like "i bet you don't have weirder kins then me" then looking thru and seeing a bunch of really popular characters from really popular media thats not considered "problematic" and holding back the urge to show them YOUR kins because YOU ACTUALLY have weird kins. obscure kins from obscure media that 90% of the time people actually know the artist that made it people hate on it for being weird furry shit

like no you dont have obscure things, you're scott pilgrim. (/example) everyone knows you. everyone loves you. and the kinmunity is chill and gives more attention to towards more popular folk.

i hate it sm too cuz i don't wanna be a dick but like everyone inherently vibes with these mfs and its not fucking fair. im just as important. if not MORE important !!! and yr just gonna pretend like oh boohoo them everyone loves them?

and then i feel bad for being upset in the first place :/

#npd culture is #fictionkin npd culture is #npd #actually narcissistic #actually npd #narcissistic personality disorder #cluster b

22 notes · View notes

cairoscene · 3 months

Text

i think a hugely important and often overlooked counterpart to "curate your online experience" is that even when you block and mute and filter, you are still going to see things that upset you and make you uncomfortable. you just are. and just because you were upset or felt uncomfortable doesn't mean you should never have seen it; sometimes things just happen that make you upset. the counterpart is that as well as curating your online experience, you have to learn to manage and deal with your emotions. how you feel is your responsibility and no one else's.

#just thinking about it #it feels like more and more people see being made to feel upset as a Moral Thing #i get upset every time a genshin impact post makes it past my filters; does that make genshin impact morally wrong?#anyway. ppl were quote triggered in a queer haircutting video on insta bc the 60 yo dyke in question accidentally misgendered the nb barber #that's an emotion you have got to regulate my love.

31 notes · View notes

baejax-the-great · 5 months

Note

Hi, I saw on one of your ao3 comments that you think Homers' Achilles is on the spectrum. This is a really interesting idea to me, but I don't know that much about autism - could you elaborate on why you think that? (Also, I think all of your fics are amazing ☺️)

Autism as a word and diagnosis did not exist in ancient Greece, and I have no idea if there would have been a similar concept about it (doubt it) or if more likely people with certain autistic traits would have been considered to have a certain type of personality. So for me to say that Homer deliberately wrote Achilles as "autistic" is a little tongue in cheek.

That said, reading the Iliad I did have a moment of "Ohhhh, dude's autistic I get it." Some people might look at my reasoning and say, "well, that could be a whole other thing with these other reasons," and that's fair. This is just how it came across to me and why.

Sense of justice/fairness. This is one of the more obscure autistic traits (that often gets misunderstood and shit upon by people), but it's how the book begins, so I'll start here. Autistic people are more likely to learn and follow rules to a T. This gets rolled into the trait of "rigid thinking" and has been related to autistic people's preference for solid routines. To think about where you lie with this trait, one example is the "walk" signal at a crosswalk. Some people jaywalk when the road is very clear and no one is around. Some people jaywalk when the road ISN'T clear because they don't give a fuck. And some people will wait for that light to turn white no matter what because that's what you are supposed to do and there are rules (although culture/country of origin will also affect how much relevance traffic lights have in your life).

This is a rule, but it has little do to with justice. So to figure out where you stand in terms of justice sensitivity, another metric is how angry you feel when you watch someone cut in line and not get punished for it. Some of us will sigh and move on with our life because dicks are everywhere, whatever, and some people will have a harder time letting go because this person broke a rule in an obviously unfair way, and they should be punished for that.

This trait does not mean that autistic people have a better sense of what justice is or what rules/laws are "just." That is all very subjective. But this trait does result in a stronger negative reaction to seeing those rules/laws violated.

Such as rage.

Achilles fits the bill here in both in terms of rigid thinking and his sense of justice. His reputation in the Greek tradition is as someone who was very educated. In fact, he is the most educated with regards to law and religion than the rest of the Achaeans thanks to his time with Chiron. More than that, he actually cared about what he was taught and was considered kind of a stick-in-the-mud in terms of believing that the armies should follow the rules and customs of their people at all times and that violating their own laws was bad, even if you really, really wanted to bang a hot chick.

When Agamemnon decides to take Briseis, he is breaking a Rule. The common interpretation of what happens here is that he has violated Achilles' pride and honor in doing so, and Achilles loses his shit. That's valid. To me it read a little differently. I mean, for one, Achilles is 100% correct in the first book. Agamemnon pissed off the gods in a way he shouldn't have bringing plague on everyone, and how does he solve this? By agreeing to do the thing Achilles told him to do to solve it and then immediately violating their customs to steal from Achilles, bringing down a plague of "Achilles is not going to help you anymore."

Achilles cries to his mom that he wants the gods to fuck over the Greeks to prove Achilles right, which is deeply immature, but also really makes sense to me. Like, Agamemnon did this shitty, illegal, rules-breaking thing, and he needs to feel the consequences of that action. Achilles isn't a god who can bring down a plague, but his mommy is, so get fucked, Agamemnon. It's Zeus time.

During the time Achilles is out of the fighting, he is routinely called hard-hearted, stubborn, and other words to indicate he will not be swayed, which again speaks to his rigidity of understanding how things should be done.

The Way Achilles Talks About His Emotions. Achilles very clearly states what he is feeling throughout the book, and he often restates it. We get it, bro. You're mad. And then sad. Really, really sad. While this is almost definitely for the audience to understand his feelings and just how deep they run, Homer also could have just told us outright what he was thinking without having Achilles say it out loud repeatedly. It also felt to me that Achilles talks about his feelings far more often and bluntly than other characters do, but again this could be because the story revolves around his 'rage.'

Regardless, even if it was purely for audience benefit, this is a behavior I have noticed with my adult ND friends, which is basically after a childhood feeling confused by what other people around them are doing or why they are reacting to things in a certain way, they have a strategy of very bluntly expressing themselves and where they are at in this situation. It can be far easier than trying to follow the subtleties of NT culture and just get whatever issue it is out in the open. Saying to someone "I am angry at you" can come off as overly aggressive and blunt depending on context, but it cuts to the heart of the matter. We can compare this with Odysseus, who does not express any very deep emotions at all in the Iliad (other than the fact that Thersites should shut the fuck up, anyway), presumably because that's nobody else's business.

The Embassy. Achilles' point to Odysseus that this entire war was started over a man stealing a woman is so correct and so ignored. He looks at this situation and says: Paris stole Helen, and Agamemnon rallied all the Achaeans to come make war with Troy. Agamemnon steals Briseis, and I'm meant to... keep fighting for him? In what way does this make sense?

Everyone around him sees it from a completely different perspective, basically that Achilles got angry over a girl. To Achilles this is not what it is about at all. And I'm with him on this. If stealing a woman is a sin egregious enough for thousands of Greeks to spend 10 years attempting to sack a city, then it is the same amount of egregious for Agamemnon to take Briseis and he's lucky Achilles didn't kill him immediately and sack Argos. He's getting off easy, which Achilles tells him.

Reading Odysseus lay out his argument followed by Achilles cutting him down with that bit of logic was like, yeah, I'm with Achilles, I don't even think he's being stubborn I just think he's right.

In the embassy chapter, Achilles also has his famous line about despising men who say one thing but mean another. Being very truthful and having difficulty noticing lies is another common trait of autism, and it would make sense for Achilles to find the dishonesty of his colleagues deeply annoying.

Old British scholars called him a sociopath. This might seem like a weird one, but I'm adding it into evidence. When I read the Iliad, I see Achilles as a very emotional person. Given that half the book is about his grief over Patroclus, I find calling him incapable of caring about others incredibly bizarre. But in addition to determining that these scholars who wrote these batshit essays have never once in their life had a friend, much less a friend that they loved, this kind of fits with how a certain type of old-fashioned scholar understands autism. I've actually been at neuroscience talks with crusty old assholes who talk about how autistics and orphans are incapable of empathy, and then use evidence that really just says to me they express empathy in a different way. (Yes, orphans. For real. A real talk I went to in like 2015. Did you know that orphans don't have feelings and don't care about the feelings of others. /s) Add to the old British tradition of their feral private school kids (which I believe they call public school? idk those assholes in blazers, you know the ones) literally caning each other for being smaller, weaker, or just different, and this to me is solid evidence that Achilles is neurodivergent and unwittingly awoke the bloodlust in these old (dead) bastards.

Speech Patterns. Not being able to read Ancient Greek, I can't actually say much about this one, but multiple scholars have commented that the way Achilles speaks in the Iliad is different to all the others. He has a unique way of speaking. Again, this is not necessarily an autistic trait, but it is common for autistic people to have different speech patterns than NT people, so it's more just a "hmmm, maybe" than actual evidence.

I feel like I'm forgetting other little things, but I'd have to fully reread the Iliad with this in mind to jog my memory, and maybe one day I will. TLDR; Achilles has a very rigid way of thinking and an uncommon way of expressing his emotions.

And as always, autism is a spectrum. Anything I've written about here isn't necessarily true of any autistic person out in the world.

#iliad posting #tagamemnon #man do I want this in the tags? I feel like...#listen I am not autistic I just believe in their beliefs #aka I'm related to autistic people and have ADHD and we got that overlapping vibe you know #anger outbursts are also a known trait of autism #there's also more subtle stuff #achilles gets really upset that despite being the best warrior he's not being appreciated #and sure that could just be pride or an obnoxious personality or whatever #but I've also seen this in my ND friends where maybe they are the best at tennis #but someone else is made team captain #because that person is more likable #and the ND friend is like but I'm better and I deserve that honor #and it really frustrates them #like Agamemnon sucks and everyone at that meeting knows it #but nobody sided with Achilles because conflict at this point is just like... can we not #okay rambling incoherently in the tags now I guess #achilles #old crusty scholar: as we see by the embassy chapter achilles is evil and awful #ND me: okay but he was 100% correct tho so I don't see the issue #people might be dying but he won that argument and that is the important part

14 notes · View notes