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#it feels like i am lying to protect myself and i wish i wasn't afraid to be who i am
gay-gothic-ghoul · 1 month
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Been dwelling on the fact that all the things I keep hidden from my family is a wishlist of what I dream my mother would understand. Y'know how it is ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯
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nicorobinmywife · 2 years
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One Piece boys dealing with an insecure partner
Summary: headcanons of how they would help you to deal with your insecurities. GN reader.
Character: Luffy, Zoro and Ace.
Luffy
your captain is so strong and determined and you've wondered if you really deserve him.
if he is going to become king of the pirates, he will need an equally strong partner to protect him.
when you saw the pirate empress boa hancock saving him, you couldn't hide your sadness.
" - hey y/n why are you so sad?" - he sits next to you.
"- I wish I could be strong like the pirate empress boa hancock so I could protect you, she's so powerful and beautiful, she deserves you more than me." - you cried, Luffy took off his hat and put it on your head, you were shocked, Nami was the only person he trusted his hat.
" - y/n, if I didn't think you were strong I wouldn't have asked you to join my crew, i know how hard you work to protect me, i'm so proud of you, now stop crying, you are prettier when you are smiling " - he wraps his arm around your body and hugs you.
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Zoro
during a battle against marine soldiers, you were not at your best and were easily knocked down.
" - hahaha, what is a weak pirate like you is doing next to Roronoa Zoro, one of the strongest and most feared men in the world?", the soldier makes fun of you, but zoro cut him with his sword and saved you.
since that day you felt insecure and you started to avoid Zoro.
at first Zoro preferred to respect your space and leave you alone.
but of course he missed you and went to talk to you.
" - Did I do something that made you sad? why are you avoiding me?" - he sits beside you.
" - the problem isn't you, it's me, I'm tired of being weak, no matter how hard I train, I'll never be strong like you, you're the strongest man in the world, you don't have any flaws, I don't I understand why you waste your time with someone like me, you deserve someone better than me." - you sighed.
" - you are wrong, I do have my weaknesses, I also fight with my own demons every day, always trying to overcome myself in order to protect you, our captain and the others, I am also afraid of failing and disappointing everyone." - he puts his hand on your shoulder, you've never heard him talk that way, you've never seen zoro's vulnerable side.
" - I didn't know you felt that way Zoro." - He smiled and wiped a tear that was running down your cheek.
" - these are the moments where i look to you for strength, you taught me that being strong is not just about physical strength, you are strong in your own way y/n, don't let insecurities control you." - he hugs you, that's when you finally understood how important you are to him.
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Ace
note: Ace and whitebeard didn't died in this headcanon.
whitebeard decided to throw a party to celebrate ace's successful rescue.
everyone was drinking and dancing, but ace missed you and decided to look for you.
" - hey what are you doing here alone?" - he laid his head on your lap.
" - it's nothing, you don't have to worry about me." - he knows you very well and always knew when you were lying.
"- you know you can trust me, y/n, tell me, what's bothering you?" - you broke down in tears.
"- I was so scared of losing you, you were only captured because I wasn't strong enough to protect you, if you had been executed I wouldn't have forgiven myself, I can't even look you in the eye and ask your forgiveness for being so useless." - when he heard that he quickly got up and pulled you into a hug.
" - never say something like that again, it wasn't your fault okay? being captured is a risk any pirate takes, Luffy himself told me that he couldn't rescue me without your help, I trust you with my life y/n and I'm very proud of you."
" - i love you so much Ace." - you kissed him.
after this conversation, expect a lot of compliments from him, ace will do anything to make you not feel insecure.
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taggedmemes · 5 months
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SENTENCE MEME BALDUR'S GATE 3 / PART THREE
i heard what happened.
thank you for protecting the child.
we can risk violence here or face it for certain on the road.
a low thought, but i'd be lying if i said i hadn't considered it.
i'm not some murderer for hire.
to get these people to safety, there's nothing i won't do.
if your people survived that, they'll survive anything.
it's unusual for them to organize so cleverly.
you're equal to the task.
try not to keel over with the first blade drawn.
might not look it, but we're tough.
there's optimism and then there's stupid.
how are you going to take my gold if you're dead?
just leave the gold on my corpse.
i wish we could at least give them a proper burial.
gold ain't any use if you're too cold to spend it.
you're giving up?
you should leave it, or destroy it.
at best it's worthless. at worst, who knows.
do not trifle with that moon witch or her trinkets.
only trouble will follow.
we've enough troubles and burdens as it is.
perhaps you can sell that for a couple of coins.
i should pluck your eyes out.
a cursed book? how obvious.
this quarrel sours our feast.
be you friend or food?
am i not astonishing?
i am by all accounts a student of higher commerce and extortion.
it's not what it looks like, i swear.
i wasn't going to hurt you.
i can't believe i didn't see it.
i'm not some monster.
why didn't you tell me?
i needed you to trust me.
you can trust me.
do you think you could trust me just a little further?
let's make ourselves comfortable, shall we?
i was just swept up in the moment.
i'm looking forward to seeing you fight.
you're invigorating, but i need something more filling.
this is a gift, you know. i won't forget it.
good morning. how do you feel?
i just feel a little woozy.
i thought you'd be more powerful.
someone, or something, wants me alive.
as for my other quirks — well, we can figure those out in time.
i'm just glad you're being sensible about these revelations.
i was worried people might turn up with torches and pitchforks.
that explains the pallor.
we're each monsters in the making.
i taste absolutely awful.
we need him, like it or not.
we're bound together, no matter what comes.
you say all the right words, but i'm not so sure you mean the right things.
i will respect the decision that was made.
we're all friends again.
there's a long day ahead of us.
what a manner of place is this?
is this a path to redemption or a road to damnation?
your journey is just beginning.
what would suit the occasion?
i am [name], very much at your service.
if you want to threaten me, don't disguise it.
you're paranoid, aren't you.
must be the surroundings.
rather bleak and lonesome, one feels so exposed.
this quaint little scene is decidedly too middle-of-nowhere for me.
enjoy your supper. after all, i might be your last.
are these theatrics leading somewhere?
are you not entertained?
far be it from me to disappoint.
how dear is one's soul?
you're made if you think i'll make a deal with a devil.
what is madness but a denial of reality?
exhaust every possibility until none are left.
when hope has been whittled down to the very marrow of despair, that's when you'll come knocking on my door.
i'll have the last laugh in the end.
one might say you're a paragon of luck.
i've something important to discuss with you.
we've been travelling together for a while now and it's just about time that i shared something with you.
are you telling me you're addicted to magic?
i would not burden anyone other than myself with this were the stakes not so high.
if not out of the simple goodness of your heart, then perhaps your own self-interest might be sufficient motivation.
please, trust me.
your help could be the difference between life and death.
i'm afraid that's not going to work on me.
let us agree on actions first and explanations later.
i didn't come seeking battle.
you're different than the others, i can tell.
i'm afraid proper thanks must wait.
your boldness is a blessing.
it takes more than mere fire to break me.
i must ask again for your aid.
why entrust this to me?
i know him better than most.
i'm not interested in your lineage.
you shouldn't keep secrets like this from me.
he named me friend, and that meant the world.
they're a powerful friend with a keen interest in privacy.
i'm sworn to say no more.
i spent more time dueling than rubbing elbows with lords.
not to say i didn't develop a taste for good win and a talent for courtly dance.
it's been a badger's age since i've twinkled my toes.
a drunk ogre could put on a better show.
we can learn a lot from fairytales, don't you think?
he'll require of you only what you're least ready to part with, and then require more still.
the devil won't take just anything, he'll take everything.
that is a story reserved for lifetime friends and calmer days.
i question the wisdom in that decision but so be it.
there's no way you could have known.
i doubt a fight against them would go your way.
seems you have good survival instincts.
i go my own way — alone.
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ikeromantic · 3 years
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Middle Ground
A Mitsuhide Akechi fanfic - approx. 2200 words. This scene occurs well after the events of the romantic epilogue. Fluff.
First: Mitsuhide and the Maiden
Previous: Bonding
“So . . . separate beds?” Mitsuhide’s wry smile was only a little bitter.
“Yes. I know it’s silly. I’d . . . I’d rather be in there with you.” The chatelaine, soon to be Lady Akechi, looked down, her expression a mixture of shame and defiance.
“It’s fine. I will have you all to myself soon enough. What is a night or two apart?”
She looked up without raising her head, trying to gauge his emotions.
Mitsuhide wasn’t having any of that. He took her chin between his finger and thumb and gently lifted until her gaze met his. “It is fine.” Then he leaned forward to brush a kiss across her cheek. With his lips almost close enough to touch her skin, he added. “Are you so eager to be in my arms again? Do you want to . . . test out the guest room? Or your childhood bed?”
He had the intended effect. She shivered and licked her lips. “You are so bad!”
“You are the one protesting our brief separation.” Mitsuhide pressed another kiss to her cheek and leaned back.
She crossed her arms. “You’re right. It’s just a few nights. But when we get back to the city -” a wicked smile turned her lips up at the corners, promising all sorts of fun.
“So forward, my little mouse. So eager. You make me wish we were home already.”
“That’s the idea.” She turned and threw him a saucy look. “Something to dream about.”
Mitsuhide chuckled. “Good night, little one.” Something to dream about indeed. He watched her hips as she walked down the hall, until she turned into her room and shut the door. She really had no idea what impact she had on him. He wondered if it was his practiced art of hiding his true emotion, or simply that she couldn’t see how beautiful she was. How desirable.
He went into the room and shut the door. It was so strange. The electronic hum of household devices. The cold fluorescent light from the street lamps in his window. Distant traffic sounds blending with barking dogs and strains of music. Mitsuhide felt suddenly very alone and very out of place.
Despite his refusal, the thought of spending one night, much less three, without his little one, felt impossible. A burden too heavy for him to bear. He needed to feel her in his arms, to fall asleep to the sound of her breathing, the beat of her heart. Her warmth grounded him in this strange place.
Mitsuhide gave a dry, soundless laugh. Who was the little mouse now?
Slowly, meditatively, he dressed for bed and lay down. He would embrace this world, different as it was from his own. He had to, because it was the one that gave birth to his beloved. And so, listening to the heartbeat of this small town, the viscous thrum of modern life, he drifted into an uneasy sleep.
Miyake and Sasuke arrived the following day at lunch. They met up at a local restaurant. Youko was friends with the owner and able to borrow a few tables in the back for privacy.
Minoru, the chatelaine’s often grumpy father, seemed to be on his best behavior. Not smiling, but distantly polite to the two newcomers. He thawed a little when his daughter threw her arms around each of the men in greeting.
No one said much as they ate. Youko and Minoru sat beside their daughter on one side of the table, glancing up at her strange friends. Sasuke, Mitsuhide and Miyake sat across from them, looking nervous.
It was Sasuke who finally broke the silence. He cleared his throat. “I understand your daughter told you about our time in the Sengoku. Understandably, you want proof. You have questions. We are here to give you what evidence we can.”
Minoru snorted. “What do you get out of this charade?” He gestured to Mitsuhide. “Is he paying you?”
Miyake looked as if he wanted to speak up, but Sasuke beat him to it. “No. I am here because your daughter is my friend.” He reached into his bag. “I know it isn’t much, but I brought my ninja kit as proof. These - these are smoke pellets. And that is a kunai. This is a sleeping poison, and this -” he went through the items, explaining what they were and how he made them. Detailed descriptions of the tools and materials he had available.
When Sasuke finished, Minoru looked thoughtful.
Youko smiled across as Sasuke. “You seem a very resourceful young man. And you are also the one that discovered these wormholes?”
“Yes ma’am.” Sasuke dipped his head, embarrassed by the compliment.
“It could just be you have a - a fascination with this stuff. Read a lot. Saw some movies,” Minoru said. His gruff voice held more than a hint of doubt. Even he didn’t buy his own explanation.
Sasuke nodded. “I could have. But even that would not yield the encyclopedic knowledge I’ve developed. I would go into greater detail, but I imagine you don’t have the underlying historical education to make use of most of the information I could provide. Unless . . . Are you a history buff?” His voice sounded different at the end, as if this question was important. Light glinted off his glasses, hiding his eyes. The air around him was charged, almost crackling with a sudden and unexpected energy.
“No. I can’t say I am,” Minoru replied.
“Hm, too bad.” The strange tension in the ninja disappeared as suddenly as it came.
Mitsuhide nudged Miyake. The warrior muttered something under his breath and then rolled his shoulders. “Alright, old man. I don’t blame you for doubting us. I’d think I was crazy too, or lying. But what Lady Akechi told you is true. She’s been living with my lord for the last few months. And it’s a good thing too. He smiles a lot more now. Eats too, and sleeps almost like a human.”
“Miyake,” Mitsuhide growled. “That’s not the kind of evidence they need to hear.”
“Sorry, but it’s the truth. And if you don’t mind me saying, well, even if you do, your daughter makes for one hell of a princess. She makes the servants happy to do a good job because she notices the little things. And the guards . . . they’d all die for her, and not just because Lord Akechi demands it. She’s kind and good to all of us. I don’t get to spend time at the castle, but I hear how she remembers birthdays and congratulates newlyweds and -”
Youko laughed, a sound Mitsuhide recognized. Much like his own little one, but matured. More elegance with just the same amount of joy. “It sounds like you have a following,” she smiled at her daughter.
The chatelaine blushed. “I really don’t. He’s exaggerating, mom. Really.”
“He is not,” Mitsuhide chided. “Though I don’t think that’s the kind of proof her father -”
Minoru interrupted, his gruff voice quieting the table. “It’s clear you’ve gotten to know her. My little girl.” He gave her a brief smile. “I am still . . . it’s a lot to take in. This wild story. But she stands by it and there is clearly - something true in it.”
His daughter hugged him. “I knew you’d come around, papa.”
He dislodged himself from her unexpected embrace. “I didn’t say I’m buying the whole story. Just,” he waved his hand, “some of it rings true.”
The tension at their table eased, and conversation began to flow more naturally. Youko and Minoru had a lot of questions, and were finally ready to hear the answers.
***
Kyubei followed Ranmaru through the thick forest undergrowth, barely able to make out the dirt path he led them down. This was supposed to lead to a safe house, one that Kennyo agreed to meet him in. He wished the demon-abbot had a taste for teahouses instead of abandoned forest shacks, but it could be worse.
He could be with Hideyoshi, hunting Motonari across the ports. Kyubei wasn’t afraid of pirates, but being on a boat . . . the constant roll of the ocean waves made him sick as a dog. No matter how many trips he made, he never gained any kind of tolerance for the motion. So this, the dirt and the bugs and the thick air under the trees, was a better deal all around.
“This is it.” Ranmaru stopped just before the path opened on a small clearing. There was a half-rotted shack ahead, once a shrine to some local deity, now fallen into disrepair.
Kyubei was surprised to see he wasn't’ the only one here to speak to the monk. Another familiar figure sat on the wooden steps outside the shrine. “Shingen?”
Takeda grinned up at him, pushing a lock of sweaty hair out of his face. “If it isn’t Mitsuhide’s maid!” He laughed. “Kidding, kidding! I just expected to see the kitsune out here himself.”
“He is otherwise engaged.”
“Is he?” Shingen’s smile was dangerous now. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with our missing ninja, would it?”
“If it does, I’ll send him your head,” Yukimura spoke up from somewhere to Kyubei’s left.
Ranmaru put his hands up, laughing as if this were all so silly. “It’s too early for threats. Come on! Let’s make some tea and relax. The abbot will be here shortly.”
Kyubei turned his head a fraction, just enough to see Yukimura lower his spear. “Tea would be good.” He ignored the younger warrior’s scowl as he followed Ranmaru to the shrine.
He didn’t sit, but stood near Takeda, resting his back against a tree.
Shingen, for his part, pretended to be fully relaxed. It wasn’t quite effective though. His brow held a waxy sheen, his eyes looked sunken and fevered. Worse, his breathing was labored. A rasp, harsh as a winter cough.
Kyubei watched him carefully. This was a bad situation. A dying man had fewer qualms than one that had to live with his decisions. He hadn’t realized Takeda was so bad off though, despite the reports he’d received. The Tiger of the Kai was legend. Not a man to be taken down by sickness. And yet.
“Don’t get any ideas,” Yukimura snapped, coming to stand beside his lord.
Shingen chuckled. “So protective, Yuki.” His laugh turned into a thick, unproductive cough. When he finally got control of himself, he directed his attention to Kyubei. “So. Where did your lord and my ninja go off to? And don’t tell me you don’t know. There’s too much tying their disappearance together. I’d rather not have to kill you today for lying to me.”
Another situation he wished he had his lord’s guidance. What information was safe to pass along, and what plans would the ripples of this conversation affect? Kyubei swallowed. “I suspect they have gone to visit the chatelaine’s home. 500 years in the future.”
Shingen nodded as if this was the answer he expected. “Sasuke asked me if I’d like to visit his hometown. He said - he said they could cure me.”
“And then he left without you.” Yukimura punched the shrine wall, causing the whole building to tremble.
Ranmaru poked his head out. “Hey! Careful or you’ll bring the whole thing down on my head!”
“Sorry,” Yukimura growled.
“If it is any consolation, I don’t believe Lord Akechi or Sarutobi left when they did intentionally. The information my lord left indicates the trip was meant to take place later. He was still . . . putting things in place for his extended absence.”
“That’s bull,” Yukimura grumbled, but he relaxed his grip on the spear.
They had no more time to talk it over as Kennyo’s shadow fell across the clearing. He came out of the trees like a spirit, the rings on his staff clinking. “It appears you found me. Again.”
Shingen grinned. “Well, old friend, I did have to hunt through every abandoned shrine in the province to get to this one.”
Kennyo snorted in disbelief.
“Ranmaru brought me,” Kyubei bowed. “It is a pleasure to see you again.”
“I have little time or patience for guests. Tell me what you want.” Kennyo crossed his arms.
“Your help with the false emperor.” Kyubei didn’t look up from his bow. “We both know Ashikaga is dead. The scribe we set up in his place, or the men around him, have gone astray.”
“I could care less. Let the exiled shogun harass the devil-king. Nobunaga and his pawns can go to hell.” Kennyo’s eyes were dark and full of anger. It radiated from him like heat from a fire.
Shingen shrugged. “Yeah, sure. I hate him too. But it’s not just him getting hit. These idiot daimyos in his retinue are conscripting farmers. Villagers. Innocent folk that should be left out of a power grab.”
The demon abbot’s eyes fell on his old friend. “And you believe this is a worse fate than what the Oda have in store for them?”
“I do.” Shingen’s gaze didn’t waver.
Kennyo’s shoulders shook and it took Kyubei a moment to realize the abbot was laughing. He shook his head. “You always were a fool, Shingen. But fine. I will tell you what I know. I don’t think you can stop what has been set in motion.”
Next: Double Dating
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evanoracronwell · 3 years
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You've got us.
Read on ao3
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Buck took a deep breath as soon as Athena had left with Bobby. He tried to suppress the avalanche of feelings that had been trying to escape him since the moment Maddie had told him about Daniel. Twenty-nine years living in a giant, cruel lie. Now, at least he knew why his parents had never been able to love him. At least now, he understood why he had never felt good enough. It's because he never had been.
A few steps away, he saw Eddie approaching him while he removed his helmet and gloves and threw them in the back of the ambulance right next to Buck.
"I know what you're going to say. I was reckless, stupid, and could have died. I know that I just..."
Any other word died on his lips because Eddie held his face with both hands with such care and affection that Buck felt his throat close; no one had ever looked at him that way, as if he were hanging the moon, as if Eddie was afraid that he was going to disappear before his eyes.
"Never again, did you hear me? Never again do you dare to pull something like that on me. Damn it, Buck, I almost died thinking something might have happened to you."
His voice was hoarse and choked as if he was trying very hard not to burst into tears right there, and Buck wanted to say something, claim that he was fine and that nothing had happened, but then Eddie came closer, standing between Buck's legs, his body so close to Buck's, that he could feel his heartbeat through his uniform.  As if that weren't enough, Eddie touched his forehead to Buck's, mixing their breath. There was nothing Buck could do but raise his hands to Eddie's waist, pulling him even closer.
"I'm truly sorry,” he murmured, watching as Eddie closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Buck followed in his footsteps, closing his eyes and concentrating only on Eddie's breathing, on the feeling of their bodies so close together, on how Eddie slid one of his hands up to the nape of his neck, pulling his hair so softly that Buck could barely feel it, but strong enough to give him the feeling of being terrified.
"Just promise me you will never do something like that again."
"Eddie, you know I can't..."
"No!” He looked away and opened his eyes, staring at Buck with determination. "I don't care that this is the job. You can't put yourself in danger like that, do you understand me? What the hell am I going to say to Christopher if something happens to you? That boy loves you, Buck; you're too important to him."
"I know, but Eddie I..."
"What about me? Damn Buck, what the fuck am I supposed to do if something happens to you? Have you ever stopped to think about that? I know you always put other people above yourself, that you always want to save everyone and you don't care to put your life on the line to do it, but... think of me, okay? If you want to put others above yourself so badly, then put me and Chris first. Every time you decide to risk yourself like this, think first about what it would do to us. "
"Eddie, I'm so sorry... you're right. I didn't think what it would do to you and Chris. Honestly, I didn't think it could affect you so much."
"How could you not know, Buck? How can you not know how important you are to us? Buck, I...” he took a deep breath again and then took Buck's face in his hands one more, making the blonde look at him directly in the eyes. "If anything happened to you, I would completely lose my mind; do you understand that? I would die, Buck, okay? You are everything and... you can't... never... okay? You can't leave me."
"I won't,” he says as firmly as he can, his blue eyes are already wet with tears and his voice breaking slightly. But he holds Eddie around the waist again and pulls him even closer than before, hugging him tightly as he sinks his face against his neck, breathing in the smell that is so unmistakably Eddie even under the smell of all the smoke.
"Please Buck, I know there's something going on inside your head. Please talk to me; it kills me to see you like this."
"I wasn’t enough, Eddie,” he grumbles against Eddie's neck, feeling like he just wants to hug him even tighter, and stroking the back of his neck. "They had me as a baby savior, but I couldn't save Daniel... I wasn't enough, and they hated me for it."
"Hey, no. Buck, you can't blame yourself for that, do you hear me? Your parents had no right to put that weight on you, much less the right to walk away from you after Daniel died. That's on them, Buck, not you. "
"Maybe. But they were also right, weren't they? I always do everything wrong, Eddie; I was a handful to Bobby when I walked into the fire department, always being irresponsible and reckless. I wasn't there when Maddie needed me, I... Eddie, I lost Christopher; you trusted me, and I... I lost him. "
"No, Buck!”Eddie moved away again, just enough to look into Buck's eyes, but close enough to still keep him in his arms. "You are an excellent firefighter, and Bobby couldn't have anyone better than you at 118. You took care of Maddie and protected her ever since she came to LA; you were there, Buck, every step of the way you stood beside her. And Chris... Jesus, Buck, you need to stop blaming yourself for this. You never lost him, Buck, a tsunami happened and you did everything to make sure he was safe, nothing that happened was your fault. "
"Yeah maybe, but I..."
"God, you have no idea how much I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Maybe that way you would see the wonderful man you are. You care about everyone, you are loving and caring, you are always willing to help and reach out to anyone who needs it. "
Eddie smiled tenderly and ran his fingertips over Buck's face, wiping away the tears that were starting to trickle down the blonde's cheek.
"You are the man who spends his nights off playing video games with my son or watching cartoon movies; you help him with his homework and read about the subjects he’s interested in so you can talk to him about them later. You play lego with him on my living room floor, read bedtime stories to him, and make pancakes for breakfast because you know he loves them and that I can’t keep from burning them. You’re the man who assures me that I’m an excellent father every time I doubt myself, the guy who helped me build a skateboard so my son can feel like any other child. You are... something, Buck. You are unique. You are special. "
"Eddie..."
"And above it all, Buck, you are enough. You are more than enough for Christopher, and you are more than enough for me. Maybe your parents can't see it, but then, it's their fault, it's their loss. I just need you to know that you're not alone, Chris and I are here; you've got us, ‘cause we're not going anywhere, but I need you to stay too, okay? I need you to promise me you won't go anywhere either, Buck, because I wouldn't know how to survive if you did. "
"I promise."
"Do you mean that?"
"Yes, I promise, Eddie. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."
"Good, because I love you, Buck; I'm completely in love with you and I can't lose you, do you understand?"
Buck was going to answer, he really was going to say something, because, honestly, he had a million things to say in that moment. He wanted to say that he was also completely in love with Eddie, he wanted to say that he couldn't lose him either and that just the thought of something like that happening had left Buck awake for several nights. He wanted to say that when he had seen Eddie buried under all that mud, not knowing if they were going to get him back alive, that at that moment Buck had almost died, that for a few minutes he’d had to imagine his whole life without Eddie and that he would rather die than face that future. He wanted to say that he loved Christopher so deeply that it scared him sometimes, that he would give his life for that boy. There were a million things he wanted to say; but how could he say anything when Eddie pressed his lips against Buck's so firmly and so smoothly at the same time? How could he speak any words when he was being kissed by the man he loved with all his heart and soul? There he was, living a moment that he had lived countless times in his dreams, but that he had never thought he would be able to experience in reality.
And it was beautiful, it was intense, it was passionate and it tasted like a bright future. It was not the scene he had dreamed of; it didn’t have the romantic atmosphere of a candlelight dinner and music playing in the background. What they had were sirens and voices echoing everywhere, and the smell of smoke and the fumes of whatever product came from that factory.
It was messy and sloppy and perfect, and Buck wouldn't change a thing.
"Come home with me," Eddie murmured against his lips. Home. That sounded good.
When they were finally released from their shift, Eddie drove through the streets of Los Angeles holding Buck's hand against his thigh, refusing to stop touching him even for a second, as if he needed a guarantee that Buck was there, alive, beside him. And Buck would never deny Eddie's touch.
Entering Eddie's house brought a warm feeling to his chest; here he felt welcome and at home... but then again, home always seemed to be wherever Eddie and Chris were.
"We need to clean up," Eddie whispered as he took Buck's hand and led him to the bathroom. There was nothing sexual about the way they slowly undressed each other, nor the way they got under the shower, washing away any traces of soot and dirt from their skins. Eddie hugged him under the jet of hot water, his hands running down Buck's back, stroking him tenderly. He kissed Buck's hair, his forehead, his birthmark, his cheek, his nose, his lips. The second kiss was even better than the first, and the third better than the second.
They kissed without the slightest hurry, only concerned with savoring the taste of one another exploring every inch of each other's mouths, memorizing every second; because now they can.
And later, when they were both lying on the bed in nothing but their underwear, Buck curled up in Eddie's arms, feeling calm and welcomed in the warmth of Eddie's skin and the feeling of his breath against his neck. The darkness in the room seemed perfect at that moment, and Buck was lost in the rhythmic beating of Eddie's heart against his back.
"Eddie?"
"Yes, cariño?"
"I love you, too."
He was finally home.
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Chapter Seven: Way Down To Wonderland
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(Image not mine)
Rated: PG
~Hey Alice, is it greener here Or does it seem like dirt? Does it feel the same, can you say that you Are happy to be home?
The rabbit seems to call your name You're late, so it's time to move Oh Alice, you know it's your fate Tick, tock. No time to lose
Hey Alice, time is running short This can't take too long Make a choice now. On which side of the door Do you feel you belong?~
Did I know it was a bad idea?
Yes. Yes, I did.
Did I do it anyway?
Yup.
Was I going to regret it?
Yeah, probably.
Did that thought stop me?
Absolutely not.
I was going with Jack. I was going to leave that freezing nothing-in-nowhere place behind me and I was going to be free. With the Winchesters protecting me, I would never have to be afraid of anything ever again.
At least until they found out the truth. But I could keep them fooled for long enough, right? I mean, Jack seemed to like me. I wasn't sure in what way exactly, but he did seem to like me. That was something wasn't it? It had to be.
Me and Jack just sat and talked while Sam and Dean burned the bones and covered the body back up. The only reason I knew the body was there was because I had found this place three years ago, though as to the corpse's identity I had no clue. I was just making crap up.
When the job was finally done it was around midnight and the hunters wanted to go back to their motel. They also wanted me to come with them.
"But where would you sleep?" I argued.
"Oh, I don't sleep that much." Jack simply shrugged. I chewed on my lip, for every excuse I could come up with, Jack had a solution.
"Look Jack, I've spent a long time here and I've got, like, this 'secret hideout' where I always sleep- er, slept, and I just wanna go back there, collect my stuff and say goodbye, ya’ know? I'll meet you outside your motel bright and early tomorrow morning. Alright?" Maybe the slight truth would work where excuses had failed miserably. Jack sighed.
"You promise you'll come?" He asked.
"Cross my heart," I said, doing the motion.
"Good cause' if you don't show, Cas will know where you went," Sam said, his voice was friendly but it sounded like a threat. I guessed he was suspicious. Sam got in the car.
"That is true," Castiel said, following him. Yeah, they were both suspicious of me.
"Oh. Uh, nice." There went all hopes of running away from this. "Well where are you guys staying? Just so I know where to go," I asked.
"It’s called North Sea Motel, or something like that." Jack paused for a moment. "Uh, I think." I smiled with a shake of my head.
"I think you mean North Port Motel," I corrected him. Jack smiled.
"Yeah, that one!"
"Okay, well, I'll see ya there!" I started to dismount from where I sat, perched in a different tree, but Dean's voice stopped me.
"Say, where is this little ' secret hideout' of yours? We could drive you, just tell us where. Then you could get your stuff and come to the motel with us, you might even get a good night's sleep," Dean offered. I turned him down with a shake of my head.
"Nah, you boys get some sleep. Besides, if I told you where it was, it wouldn't be my 'secret hideout' now would it? Also, it’s not exactly accessible by car anyway, but don't worry, it’s not far." That was a lie. It was all the way across town, but I might need to use it to hide from these guys one day so telling them the location wouldn't be smart.
"Alright well, see ya’ tomorrow, kid." Dean climbed into his car and revved the engine, waiting for Jack before driving off.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow!" Jack smiled at me. His smile was sort of strange as his mouth curved up on one side and down on the other at the same time. I liked it.
"See ya’ tomorrow Jack-Jack." I winked at him from where I sat, perched in a different tree. Then in the blink of an eye, Jack was beside me, pulling me in for a hug. I was surprised but hugged him back. I took a deep, breath through my nose.
'Holy zoodles, you smell amazing!' I thought to myself. For a split second the thought entered my mind. For a split second I considered what it might be like.
But that wasn't going to win out.
I pulled away from the hug and Jack smiled his crooked smile and he disappeared, and I waved as the Black Impala drove off. I sighed.
"Whatever you're gonna say, you can go ahead and say it!" I said to the air.
No reply.
No Isaac.
Nothing.
"Ugh! You're so dramatic! If you wanna talk then talk, ya friggn' weirdo!" I shouted to no one.
Isaac still didn't appear. I hopped off my branch and began to sprint through the snowy woods at top speed. Mocking all the way.
"Oh I'm Isaac and I'm so superior to everyone and I'm a stinkin' drama queen who has to be all cryptic about my USELESS OPINIONS!"
I shouted the last bit before climbing the rope into the tree house. I had made it in under five minutes. When I hauled my sorry butt inside the tree house, Isaac stood there, waiting. He had his arms crossed and his shoulders square and his face was a mask of barely controlled rage. I copied his stance and stared back at him. He remained silent. I could only do it for so long.
"What?" I asked, giving in. Apparently that question was all it took for Isaac to explode.
"DO YOU THINK THIS IS A FRIKIN' GAME?!" He shouted. I couldn't help but stumble back a few paces. Isaac never yelled, not at me. Isaac yelled at everyone else, but never, ever, me. I blinked a few times, trying to discourage the tears.
"N-no! I-I-I just-"
"DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?!"
"NO! But I-"
"REALLY? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU'RE ACTING! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!" Isaac took a menacing step, and it took a lot of will to stand my ground.
"I don't know! I wasn't-"
"THAT'S RIGHT! YOU WERN'T!" I looked away, blinking furiously to dispel my tears. Isaac sucked in a breath, trying to calm himself.
"I was just trying to save our butts! I didn't think they would take it like that and try to adopt me on the spot!"
"Why didn't you just say no?!"
"Because that would have looked suspicious!"
"Then just run! They'll move on without you! They'll keep going with their lives! They don't care about you!" Isaac insisted. His words hurt. Why? Why did they hurt?!
"That's not true! They said they'd search for me!" I tried, but it was a weak response, and I knew it. Isaac laughed, it was bitter and without humor.
"What? Is it that Half-Angel freak?" He snorted. I lowered my head.
"He's not a freak," I mumbled.
"Sorry, could you say that a little louder? I couldn't hear you over all your stupidity!" Isaac sneered. My head snapped up and my teeth and fists clenched.
"Jack. Is. Not. A. Freak!" I growled. Isaac's eyebrows shot up.
"Wait, you don't- No. No, you're not really-" I knew what he was asking, and I simply glared at him.
"What?"
"Do you like him?" Isaac asked, disgust prevalent in his tone. I looked at the floor, grinding my teeth.
"No."
"OH COME ON! REALLY MARTY? YOU GOT A CRUSH ON THAT FREAK-A-ZOID!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Isaac roared, "HE'S A FRIGGIN' TWO-YEAR-OLD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" I couldn't take it anymore.
"SHUT UP ISAAC!!!" I screeched, my pitch rising with my anger. I took a deep breath and stared him in his cold, dead eyes. "If Jack is a freak then so am I!"
"No, you are what you are. That kid, if you can even call him that, is trying to be two things at once! He's more powerful then the actual angel! Couldn't you feel it? That thing could probably kill you without even trying!" I rolled my eyes, my fists clenching tighter. I could feel my nails cutting into my hands, but I didn't care.
"Jack wouldn't hurt me. He's not like other hunters, Isaac! He's not doing this out of hate!" I insisted. Isaac's face twisted into a snarl. He walked over and looked down on me.
"And when he finds out that you've been lying? What do you think he'll do then? What do you think they'll all do? Do you think they'll just shower you with hugs?" He questioned, mockingly.
"No."
"They'll never except you. Once they find out the truth, and they will find out, they'll never love you. You know why?"
"Stop." I ground out through clenched teeth.
"Because they are not your family, Marty. They never will be," Isaac hissed.
"I don't need them to be. Besides, I can always talk them into it." Isaac stepped away now and started pacing the floor of our hideout.
"But you won't. You know why? Because it will never be real. That's what you want, isn't it?" He jeered.
"I just want to be safe! I don't wanna run anymore!" I protested, even though he was right. Isaac shook his finger at me.
"No, you want it to be real. You want it so desperately, don't you? That's what this is all about, isn't it? Deep down it's all about Jack, and you know it."
"You don't know what you're talking about, Isaac," I seethed. He turned to me with a quizzical yet mocking expression.
"This little crush you have on the hybrid freak, do you really think you have a chance?" Isaac flicked his finger against my skull. "I know you're all grown up in there, but out here you're still fourteen! And you heard it right out of his mouth, he may be grown up on the outside but he's still only two-years-old! I don't care which side you look at it from, that's pedophilia either way!" I wished I could punch Isaac in the face, much more than I usually did.
"It's not like that! You can't stop me Isaac! This isn't your decision to make!" I shouted at him.
"I'm not letting you go with them. If that means murdering all of them in their beds, then so be it! I'm not going to let them hurt you!" Isaac barked.
"What is wrong with you?! This is my decision! Why do you keep trying to control my life?!" I demanded.
"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO WATCH MY SISTER DIE!"
I blinked. I couldn't speak. What could I even say? We stood across from each other, the anger draining away into heartbreak.
"I just want a friend, Isaac. Is that really so wrong of me?" I demanded in a whisper. A rain of emotion was beginning to sizzle out the fire of my fury. My spectral companion stopped in his tracks.
"A friend? What am I, chopped-liver?" Isaac asked, sarcastically. Though his tone was mordant, I could sense the hurt that sapped through.
"Isaac, that's not what I meant," I tried to back-track, but it was useless. Isaac's lip curled and his eyes narrowed.
"I've spent five years stuck in the veil, not being able to talk or be seen by anybody but you. All of that just so your sorry ass wouldn't be so friggin' lonely! I put off going to heaven and this is what I get for it?! What? Am I suddenly not good enough for you anymore? Is that it?!" He spat.
"Of course not, Isaac! You're my brother! You're my best friend and you always will be!" My voice came as a stressed whisper as I strived to explain, "It's just that-"
"That what? What makes him better than me? What makes any of them better than me?! What does that Nephilim freak have that I don't, huh?" He challenged, his voice like burning acid. I couldn't take it anymore.
"YOU'RE DEAD, ISAAC!!!" I screamed, tears gushing down my face like salt-water rivers. I couldn't stop them. "YOU'RE DEAD AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" Isaac blinked, speechless. "Mom and Dad and Jackie and Bree and Jazz; they're gone! They're all gone and it's all my fault!"
"Marty-"
"No, Isaac! You're gone and I can't have you back, not for real. I can't high-five you when we laugh, I can't punch your shoulder when you're annoying me, and when I'm upset you can't wrap your arm's around me and hold me until the tears run dry! You can't do that, and I don't blame you, but you can't!" I took a deep breath and looked at the rough wooden floorboards as I tried to mop up my tear-stained cheeks, but it didn't work. All the sadness from the last five years was escaping now.
"I don't-" Isaac started but I wasn't finished just yet.
"I need someone who can do that, Isaac. It's been exactly five years, eleven months, and twenty-two days since somebody hugged me! I didn't realize how much I needed it until now, and I don't think I can go on like this any longer! Isaac, I am all alone," I lamented.
"You have me, Marty," He whispered. I hadn't realized that ghosts could get choked up.
"Isaac, you're not really here," I whispered, painfully. "I know you're all I have; but I don't have you, not really. I don't want you to go, but every single day, this figment of you reminds me that you're never coming back," I sniffed, still trying to keep it under control, but the look in Isaac's eyes made that impossible.
"Oh, Marty... I-I'm sorry." I rubbed at my eyes, wishing once again that I could lay my head on his shoulder and just cry like I wanted to, but I couldn't.
"I just want you back!" I sobbed, my ragged breaths scraping at my dry, tender throat. Isaac reached out but his arms passed right through me, just like always. I looked to him in despair before moving to sit on the mattress. "Why did you have to die?" I whispered.
"I don't know."
"Just let me go with them, Isaac. I can't do this anymore."
"If you're going then I'm coming with you. Through thick and thin, remember?"
"Through thick and thin," I agreed. Isaac smiled at me weakly.
"Well, get your stuff together, we're goin' on an adventure," He said. I nodded and strode over to the backpack in the corner. Reaching to the very bottom of the bag, I grabbed hold of the two objects I hated the most.
Two bags filled with a pint each of human blood. The label bore the name: Aspirus Keweenaw Hospital. It was the only hospital anywhere near Copper Harbor, though it was more than twenty miles away. It was a long way to go by foot but now I would never need to go again. I just hoped that wherever these hunters lived there was a hospital nearby. I weighed the bags in my hands and considered the possibility of smuggling them past the hunters. The odds were pretty bad.
"Just wondering, how do you plan to keep this a secret while under the watch of four hunters?" Isaac asked from behind me. I inhaled deeply before turning back to him.
"No idea! But as for right now―" I ripped open a small hole in one of the bags and raised it into the air the way you would raise a toast― "Drink up me hearties, yo ho!"
I think you can figure out what I did after that.
-2 hours and 56 minutes later-
I finished packing all of my belongings into my backpack and a few extra things I stuffed in my violin case. Then, I saluted the now abandoned tree house farewell and tromped off through the snow to say goodbye to the one person in this town that I actually considered a friend.
The bell dinged as I pushed open the door to the pharmacy. I smiled at the shapeshifter behind the counter and waved. Dan-the-Dope-Man, regardless of anyone's opinion about his behavior, was the closest thing to a friend as I had made in these past five years. He may not have been the best person, but I owed him a lot and now this was the only way I could repay him.
"Marty! I thought you died! When I watched you go with those hunters, I didn't know what to do! Are you okay?" There was no one else in the store, so the man with the face of a forty-year-old hopped over the counter and rushed over to me, enveloping me in a hug. In this form, he didn't have his Brooklyn accent.
"I'm fine, Danny but, uh, I gotta tell you something." Dan released me and held me at arm’s length.
"What? What's wrong?" He worried.
"Nothing's wrong," I told him, shaking my head, "But I'm leaving."
"What? Why?" Dan exclaimed.
"Those hunters, they asked me to come with them, they said they're gonna protect me." Dan's brows pulled together and he looked at me with concern.
"Marty, they're hunters. Protecting things like us, vampires and shapeshifters, isn't exactly what they do!”
"They don't know what I am, and I plan to keep it that way. But these guys, they're different. They're gonna protect me, and maybe they'll help me find Felix!" I said, gently.
"That's a dangerous game."
"Let's hope I'm good at it."
"You're really gonna do this?"
"Yeah." Dan sighed.
"Well in that case, I'm gonna miss ya, Marty." He wrapped his arms around me, and I hugged him back.
"I'm gonna miss you too, Danny!" Apparently, my eyes hadn't rid themselves of tears completely. A few salty droplets dripped down my cheeks.
"Take care of yourself, sweetie. Remember, if you ever need a place to go, my door is always open." He said, patting my back.
"Thank you, man. For everything. I owe you a lot." I wiped my cheeks and gasped a breath as I pulled away.
"Eh, don't worry about any o' that. Stay alive, Marty. That's all the payment I want," Dan smiled.
"I can do better than that," I promised, smirking.
"Whattdya' mean?"
"If any hunter ever comes to check this place out again, I'm gonna give you a head's up. Sound good?" Dan grinned.
"Sounds great, Marty." He hugged me again and when he pulled away, he had an idea.
"Before you go, here, take these," He said, grabbing several items from different shelves and stuffing them in a bag which he gave to me. I peeked into the bag, inside were several boxes of chocolate truffles, four Hershey's bars, and one of those little solar powered flowers that waves when you place it in the sun. "It's not much, but it’s something to remember me by."
"I'll savor every chocolate, Dan. I'm gonna miss ya, have an awesome life buddy!" I waved as I pushed my way out the door, "I hope you get your daughter back!"
"Thank you, Marty! Take care of yourself! I hope things get better for you!" Dan waved back and I left the pharmacy behind, muttering to myself as I walked down the street to the motel.
"I hope things get better too."
~Hey Alice, do you want to play? The Queen's great (or so it's been said) Hey Alice, can you play croquet? If you're good, you can keep your head
Hey Alice, are you here or there Or somewhere in between? Hey Alice, would you ever dare To go back through where you've been?
Hey Alice, time is running short This can't take too long Make a choice now. On which side of the door Do you feel you belong?~
Lyrics from: Hey Alice by Rachel Rose Mitchell
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another-sonic-blog · 4 years
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Stages: The Realization
Stages: Close Friends Pt.4: The Realization (Chapter 13)
ShadAmy (Friends to lovers Slow Burn)
2K400
Previous: https://another-sonic-blog.tumblr.com/post/190590004465/stages-nothing
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      A couple of days later, Team Dark had made their way back home. They had finished their mission earlier than they expected and they couldn't wait to get back home. Rouge didn't tell Amy that they were going back this soon. She preferred to give the pink one a surprise at the Resistance.
They arrived a day ago at night, and Rouge decided to wait until the next day to visit her pink best friend. It was 6:00 p.m and she was hoping that she and Amy could go for dinner together.    She arrived at the Resistance building and clicked the code number in the keypad so they could let her in. It was the same number since years ago and Amy had never chanced it.    Rouge walked through the corridors, she expected to see agents walking around but considering that it was a Saturday and few agents were remaining on the Resistance, she didn't give it too much thought. She finally reached Amy's dorm and knocked on her door. A few seconds passed and the pink one opened the door, a surprising look on her face and Rouge was happy to have accomplished this mission as well.
"Suprise-"    But Amy had also surprised Rouge. She noticed that Amy had scratches and band-aids on her face and even bruises on her arms.
"What happened to you?!"
"Wait, is Shadow back too?" Amy asked immediately.
"Yes, but tell me, what happened-"
"Sorry Rouge, I need to get to him right now." Amy added, "Do you mind closing the Resistance for me? Is he in his apartment?"
"Yeah, I am guessing. But tell me, what-" Rouge never got to finish her sentences as Amy was already out of her door.
"Sorry Rouge! I'll tell you everything when I get back!"
.
   Amy would have taken DR if it wasn't because Maria had stolen it ... again. The next day she arrived back home from Tail's house, she had found that her bike wasn't there, and because of that, she went to Shadow's apartment. Ready to fight again if that's what it took to get her bike back. When she got to Shadow's apartment, she found that his door was open and nothing was there. Shadow's luxury apartment was empty, nothing was left. She fought the urge of calling Shadow and telling him but the thought that he might mess up in his mission because of the news still hunted her mind.
So she decided to wait. She thought Rouge would tell her when Team Dark was planning to go back home. She was planning on telling him the bad news softly but instead, she was afraid now that Shadow had found it the hard way.
Shadow's apartment was on the other side of the city and with her running and bad transportation system, Amy made it to Shadow's apartment around 7:15 p.m.    The sun was already down and Amy breathed heavily as she finally spotted Shadow's apartment door open. She felt she could break at any moment, but she couldn't. She had to be strong for Shadow.    She opened the door more and it made a small creaking sound. Shadow was sitting in the middle of the empty living room. His fancy couch was no more, no TV, no lights, nothing. His apartment was completely empty. Amy wonders if Shadow knew by now that they had also stolen all of his bikes. Amy was glad that Shadow had taken his favorite bike with him, otherwise, Maria would have stolen it as well.
  His entire apartment was empty but Shadow had filled the living room with vodka bottles.    He was seated in the middle of the empty living room, staring at the wall. He had noticed Amy's presence and normally he would be ashamed of the state she found him in. However, he didn't care at the moment.
"I heard that drinking alcohol makes you forget," Shadow said, still not looking at Amy in the eyes. "But no matter how much I drink, I can't seem to forget a thing."
Being the ultimate life form, Shadow's body could detoxify his body faster. Even if he wanted to get drunk, his body would take down the effect really fast.
Amy felt her heart stop the moment she heard his voice. It had no hint of being sad, nor disappointed, nor angry. It was monotone and without emotion, almost dead like.    She didn't respond, mostly because she didn't know what to say. She got close to him trying to make him look at her. She sat down next to Shadow but he moved away at the closeness. As if he didn't want to be touched, as if he was afraid of contact.    Amy fought the tears of desperation, anger raised within her body, she had a tight grip on her fists and with determination, she placed herself in front of the hedgehog.
"She is not worth it," Amy said as she placed her hands on his shoulder.
"She was the only one who could ever love me," Shadow said, his eyes showed no glow, the intense fire he had within them had now disappeared. "I guess, I am not worthy of being loved."
Amy let a single teardrop fall from her right eye. She raised her voice, letting her thoughts be heard.
"I love you. I love the way you show kindness to people who don't deserve it. I love the way you care for me even when you know I can take care of myself. I love how excited you get for the simplest of things. I love how you wrinkle your nose every time you get annoyed."
  Amy took a big breath and added, "You are my friend and I love you, Shadow. You won't ever be able to understand how much you mean to me and others. If there was anyone in this world who is worthy of love ... It is you."
Shadow hadn't noticed but Amy had injuries all over her face and body. Her face had scratches that were barely closing, some bruises that were dominant mostly in her arms. Even so, Shadow found himself lost in the unique beauty Amy possed.
He was realizing too many things.
  There was a warm feeling rising up to his body and it made it's way to his heart. Amy was so sincere and vulnerable at that moment that Shadow's heart felt relieved. No one has ever been this open to him, no one has ever made him feel as loved as Amy had.
He waited for Maria to say things like that to him. He waited in vain, but now Amy was here. Saying things that came out of her mouth naturally because she actually felt it.
Amy loved him and even though it was the friendly type ... it is still meant the world him.
For you to love and to be loved back, it was a blessing indeed.
"I love you too," Shadow felt his voice crack. "You are the only friend I can trust ... So, please promise me. Promise you won't leave me."
Amy hugged Shadow as if she was protecting a lost child. She grabbed his face with both of her hands and whispered, "I promise."
  She placed her chin on top of Shadow's head giving him some sort of warm and Shadow placed his arms around her waist. They shared an intimate hug and after a few minutes, they separated.
"What happened to you?" Shadow said almost in a whisper.
Amy wasn't telling him, there was no way. "I fell off DR."
Shadow sighed once again, "Next time be more careful but I am glad you still have the bike."
Shadow noticed that Amy's face showed concern and asked, "You still have DR, right?"
Amy hesitated, she didn't know if lying to Shadow about the bike was a good idea. Mostly because he was eventually going to find out.
"She ... took it."
Shadow immediately stood up and headed towards the door.
"We need to find it," he said.
"Shadow, no, wait." Amy stopped him as she grabbed him by the arm. "It's not worth it."
"It is worth it, you gave me that bike. It's important to me-"
"I know it's important to you but please do this for me." Amy added, "Just let it go."
Shadow knew that there was more connotation to her words. She wasn't only asking him to let go of the bike, she was asking him of letting go of Maria, of his past.
If Shadow wanted to let go of Maria,  then he needed to grasp onto the future and right now, Amy is on his future.
Amy is his future.
"Fine." Shadow added, "But you need to do something for me."
.
 Amy hesitated as she watched Shadow turn on his favorite back, BB. He was ready to go, he was only waiting on Amy to join him.
"Are you coming?" Shadow asked.
"Are you sure?" Amy's voice trembled a little, "You don't let anyone ride BB and-"
"I am sure."
Amy gulped as she walked towards Shadow. She made a little jump as she mounted the bike, she made a pause as she was reluctant to hold Shadow by his torso.
But due that it was necessary, she wrapped her arms around his firm torso, her chest touching his back. She took a deep breath as she smelled Shadow's cologne. Maybe, after all, it really wasn't his cologne but his natural scent.
Shadow began to move when he felt Amy's firm grasp around him. They rode the bike on an empty bridge that was above the ocean. Shadow always came here to clear out his mind and when he didn't want to be stopped from enjoying the ride.
Many things were going through his head and confidently he told Amy, "I don't want to go back there... to my apartment."
Amy knew that Shadow wouldn't be able to live with the memories. Just like before, he had left the home he had gotten with Maria and now he had to leave his apartment.
"I have nowhere to go," Shadow added. He meant it as of today. Shadow had the money to rent another apartment, but it was going to be a bit difficult to find a place that would let him stay on the first floor. Maybe, he could stay at a hotel for a couple of days-
"Live with me."
Shadow felt his heart skip a beat as he heard Amy whispered into his ear.  Once again, that warm feeling he couldn't describe overtook him. He threw a small smile at the pink one, accepting her offer.
They stayed silent, they didn't need to say anything. Shadow had never let anyone ride BB with him. It was something he wished he had done with Maria, but someone else was already leaving that dream with her. Now, he had Amy, her delicate hands placed firmly around his torso. Her chest lightly pressed against his back and her head laid softly in his shoulders. The relaxing crash of the waves against the bridge, Amy's intoxicating perfume filling his nostrils and the warmth she shared with him.
It was everything he could have wished for and more.
Amy noticed Shadow sniffing now and then, she knew that he was containing himself from letting tears come out of his eyes.  Although they never did, the thought still ached her heart. She hugged Shadow tightly and closed her eyes at the realization.
She didn't know exactly when it happened, she couldn't recall an exact moment where these feelings for Shadow began to overtake her. Maybe it was gradual, she didn't feel this way for him immediately. However, he had constantly shown her sides of him that intrigued her.
Shadow could be cold, but he was kind. He may not show it, but he cares. He may be stubborn, but he listens. Amy found his little defects entertaining and adorable even. There was not a single sense in Shadow's persona that Amy didn't like.
When she was telling him that she loved him as a friend, she was lying.
She did love him.
But not as a friend.
Amy took one last look at Shadow, his eyes were concentrating on the road. She began to wonder that if she looked at him long enough he would realize.
If she looked at him with loving eyes, will her feeling reach him?
Amy didn't know the answer to that and for now, she didn't need it.
Her most important question was already answered the moment she heard Shadow said 'I love you' to her.
And although he meant it platonically, for her ... it meant the entire world.
It was everything she wanted and more.
Amy closed her eyes one more time, enjoying the feeling of this realization.  
She was in love with Shadow the Hedgehog.
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. . . . . . .
A/N: First of all, I want to thank @lonelysadblob​  the artist who did the artwork above for letting me use it in this story! Thank you!
 I guess what I am trying to say with this chapter is that platonic love/ Friendship love is just as important and valid as romantic love. Now we are at the end of this arc and we are starting the final arc called 'Intimate Friends.' Amy has finally realized her feelings for Shadow but... What about Shadow? I guess we have to find out.
I want to thank everyone for reading this far and I hope this chapter was up to everyone's standards. It was sad but we ended in a beautiful note I believe.
Thank you.
Next: https://another-sonic-blog.tumblr.com/post/190713695345/stages-recovery
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bewitchingwitch · 5 years
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Constellations pt. 14
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Hey guys sorry for not updating lately! I’ve been working really hard on this chapter and I hope you enjoy it :)
Word Count: 3,226
It was dark. That was all Theseus could see, he couldn't force himself to open his eyes. He felt as if his stomach was burning. And whatever was hurting him kept spreading up his abdomen and onto his chest. He winced.
All around him was noise there was too much of it, the sounds of crashing glass, the screams of people. He could hear his brother shouting something and the voices of Queenie and Jacob  faintly in the background. He wanted it to stop it was giving him a serious migraine, he couldn't remember what happened. And how he ended up in this eternal darkness.
The last thing he remembered was watching you and Newt dance as he slowly got drunk. You looked so beautiful with your hair tied up like that, in your blue dress. In that moment he wished that you were his. But he couldn't do that to his brother, but it seemed his brother was more than fine double crossing him to win you over. Theseus winced again as he felt the pain crawl up to his neck it was as if it was chocking him now.
He heard a women scream, he knew that voice anywhere. (Y/n). You were in trouble he needed to help you but he couldn't move, it was like he was trapped in his body. He strained trying to get up but to no avail. After a while your screaming stopped and that made him panic more than hearing you scream. Cause that meant one of two things. Either there was no longer anything that was causing you distress or someone had made you stop. That thought alone had him panicking.
He heard Newt's voice again, he sounded distressed. "It's spreading. I've never seen this curse before. It's glowing bright blue."
So he had been hit with a curse. That solved the mystery of what the pain was. It was blinding consuming his whole body, and there was nothing he could do to stop it right now. Theseus could still hear Newt talking, he was now shouting his name but it was faint. As if he was shouting from the end of a long tunnel.
It hurt. Everything hurt. Slowly a light began to appear and the pain seemed to subsided to only a faint throb. The light faded and you suddenly appeared before him, a vision of loveliness.
"Hello my beloved." You said as you cupped the side of his face. Calling him by the nickname you had given him on your first mission together. He leaned into your touch closing his eyes at the feeling.
"Are you okay I heard you screaming?" He asked urgently as he opened his eyes placing a his hand over yours.
You smiled the corner of your eyes crinkling. "What are you taking about? You were having a bad dream so I woke you up."
Theseus sat up and noticed that he was lying on a bed in a large room. He sank into the soft mattress and a golden comforter was wrapped around his waist. He looked around you were sitting up next to him and your hand was still cupping his face. A large window showed that it was still dark outside. He had no idea where he was.
"A bad dream?"
"Yes darling. You always seem to get them. You've mentioned that you got them because of your time in the war." He looked at you in confusion. It was true that he had bad dreams because of the war but he had never told you that. How on earth did you know that?
"I don't remember ever telling you that." You shook your head with a slight smile on your lips.
"Oh Theseus you're working your self so hard that you don't even remember." You kissed his forehead and he felt a lump in his throat form. He didn't know what was happening but he didn't want it to stop. You were here with him in bed, you were his.
"You're probably right. I do have a tendency to work myself to the breaking point." He chuckled as he smiled at you. Thinking that maybe it all was just a bad dream. You kissed him and he gladly returned it running a hand through your hair. He wanted his moment to stay with him forever. You peppered sloppy kisses down his neck and kissed him one ast time on his lips pulling away and laying back down next to him. He remained sitting up looking down at you.
"Now just lay back down." You pulled him down next you and wrapped your arms over him. You let one hand caress his hair, his curls were messy just the way you liked them. He hummed in response. "Just close your eyes and we can stay here forever."
Theseus thought that sounded nice. You and him just staying in this big comfortable bed with each other. It seemed to good to be true. He started to close his eyes, when a small voice in the back of his head startled him. It sounded like Newt. He was calling out his name.
He tried to push the noise away and just focus on you. Theseus heard the voice again. "Do you hear that?" He asked you, propping himself up on one arm
"Hear what?" You smiled at him.
"It was probably nothing." He tried to push the thought to the back of his head. You moved closer to him and placed your head on his his chest.
"Just close your eyes." Theseus tried to close his eyes and drift to sleep to he would hear his brothers voice. He put an arm around you trying not to listen but it was getting louder by the second.
"He's not breathing!" He heard Newt shout.
I'm not breathing. Theseus thought. Of course I am.
" He's not breathing!" He heard Newt shout it again. "Quick Queenie do something anything!”
Theseus thought that he was breathing just fine that was until he looked down and noticed that his chest wasn't rising or falling. There was a lump on his throat but he didn't want to face it. But he had no choice, he couldn't let his little brother fend for himself. And he couldn't let you, the real you, waste your life in a loveless marriage.
It wasn't real. None of it. You weren't real.  The one who loved him and caressed his hair. The one who had chosen him. He knew what he needed to do. He glanced to the side of the room and noticed the door was glowing with yellow light, and it was where Newt's voice was coming from.
Theseus began to sit up. He startled you awake. He tried to coax you back to sleep, but you still sat up and looked at him with half lidded eyes, swollen lips and messy hair. It was almost enough for him to want to stay in bed with you.
"Where are you going my beloved?" You asked in a raspy voice, grabbing his hand.
His eyes softened as he looked at you. "Just to take care of something." 
"Come back to bed it's late." You smiled sleepily, messing with his hand, running patterns into it.
"I know. I just need to take of something."
"Why do you insist on working yourself so hard."
"Shhhh." He sat on the edge of the bed. He took your face into his hands, this mirage of you was making it harder for him to say goodbye to this deadly fantasy and go back into an unforgiving reality."
"Come back to bed." You laid your forehead against his.
"I'll be back before you know I'm gone."
"Come back to sleep."
"Go back to sleep my love. I'm be back shortly." Theseus brushed your hair out of your face and watched as you reluctantly laid back down. A small pout still evident on your face.
Theseus made his way to the door as he was going to reach for the handle he paused and turned back around to face you. "Hey." You looked over at him. "I'll be back."
"Promise?"
"I promise my love. It will only be a matter of time." He smiled sadly as he opened the door and a golden light engulfed him.
********************************************
Newt's heart stopped the minute Theseus stopped breathing. The blue light from the curse had spread all over his body and had worked its way up to his throat. The minute it started to curl around Theseus throat, he gave a strangled wince and then stopped breathing.
He didn't know what to do. After Adonis had shot him the curse and disappeared with you, Newt, Jacob and Queenie had tried to move Theseus out but every time they even attempted to move him the curse would spread. Or he would let out an agonizing moan. So they had stayed inside of the pub to afraid to move him even further.
"He's not breathing!" Newt shouted. Queenie has her hand placed over her mouth as Jacob held her, silent tears flew down both their faces.
Newt held his brother body, pulling it close to his own. "No. No. No. no. No!" Newt muttered as he rocked back and forth. He couldn't lose his brother. Theseus was his everything his hero. He couldn't imagine what the world would be like without him.
The curse glowed blue and spread all the way up to his face now crossing over the bridge of Theseus' nose. Newt choked back a sob. " He's not breathing!" He heard Newt shout it again. "Quick Queenie do something anything!"
Queenie but her lips and shook her head sniffling. "Honey. I-I can't." Her voice was cracking. "I've never seen this curse before."
"You have to try! You can't let him die!" Newt screamed. Jacob and Queenie jumped they'd never seen Newt this hysterical before.
"Okay. Okay I'll see what I can do." She tucked her hair behind her ear and settled onto the floor next to Newt. She took out her wand and mumbled various spells as she waved it over him. Nothing seemed to work.
"Honey I don't think he's gonna-"
"Don't!" Newt cut her off. "Please don't say it." His voice was quivering. She looked at him with such sadness in her eyes. She wrapped her arms around Newt and Jacob followed her example. They both protectively wrapped themselves around Newt.
How could he let this happen? Newt laid his head in the crook of his brothers neck and sobbed. Big ugly sobs. He couldn't imagine life without his big brother.
Newt sniffled and pulled away to look at Theseus. His face was pale and the curse was still spreading slowly up the bridge of his nose. Then all of a sudden Theseus let out a strangled gasp. Newt watched as Theseus' eyes shot open and he began coughing.
"Bloody hell." Newt whispered as he watched Theseus start breathing again.
Theseus looked up at Newt a twinkle still evident in his eyes. "Hey there baby brother."
"Oh thank Merlin!" Queenie cried. She tackled Theseus in a hug, Newt as too shocked to move. "We thought oh we're a goner! Don't ever scare us like that again!"
"Ribs! My body Queenie! Everything still hurts!"
"Oh I'm so sorry!" She pulled away and Jacob helped her off the floor.
"I thought you were dead." Newt told his brother.
"I could never leave you."  They smiled at one another. "What happened to me?" Theseus asked as he examined the blue blaze that was slowly consuming his body.
"You jumped in front of the curse Adonis shot at me. He then disappeared with (y/n)."
"That bastard!" Theseus attempted to get up.
"Careful!" Queenie takes at him. "You're still injured.
"I still think I take him on with one hand tied behind my back and no wand in my possession."
"Please in your condition. Don't flatter yourself big boy." Everyone let out a well deserved laugh at Queenie's comment.
"Help me up would you brother?" Theseus suck out his hand but Newt still looked weary.
"Are you sure? Last time we tried to move you you were groaning in pain every other minute."
"Yes we need to find that fucker and put and end to him!" Theseus attempted to get up on his own but it was impossible in his state.
"Language." Queenie tsked.
Newt gave his brother a hand and pulled him off the ground. Theseus leaned on him for support. "Thanks baby brother. Now let's go get him!" Theseus tried to stand up on his own but the curse spread yet again and he nearly  collapsed.
"We can't go anywhere until you get that thing checked out." Newt said firmly.
"I'm fine." Newt gave him a look and he quickly shut up. "Fine take me back to your apartment and I'll call a friend over to check it out."
"Is he a good doctor?" Jacob asked as they began to walk out of the alley and into the city.
"The very best."
*****
"You are an idiot. The stupidest man I've ever met. If I looked up stupid in the dictionary your face would take up the whole damn page!"
"I bet it Diego I'm an idiot." Theseus winced as Diego examined his wound.
"Not just an idiot. Jumping in front of that curse was so dumb they need to invent a whole new world to describe how stupid you are. Or maybe they can just make the word Theseus mean incredibly stupid!" Concern radiated from Diego's voice.
"You know the name Theseus deprives from a Greek hero it means "to set" and "to place."
Diego shot him a dirty look. "Shut up."
"What everything is already so damn depressing I'm just trying to keep the mood light." Theseus let out a bitter chuckle.
"Why are you laughing? You nearly died Theseus. You nearly died trying "to place" yourself in front of that curse." Newt looked down in shame at his Diego's words. He was right Theseus wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for him.
"What choice did I have? My brother could have died."
"You were drunk."
"I wasn't too drunk to know that my baby brother was in trouble. I would do the same thing over and over again if it meant keeping him safe. And if you're my friend you'll understand that." Theseus spat out before he cried out in pain again as the curse spread even further up his face, it rested just underneath his eye.
"Just relax. I'm sorry I'm just worried." Diego apologized as he removed his wand from beneath his ear.
"Enough of this." Queenie stood up. "You are both bickering like children and it isn't getting is anywhere."  She purer her self a cup of teas and began to stir the sugar into it. "What's done is done. Now we need to focus on the now." She blew on her tea before taking a small sip. With eyes still cast downward she spoke again. "Is there anything you can do to help him?"
Theseus was laying on a loveseat while Diego looked over him. "I was at first unfamiliar with this curse. I couldn't find it in any of the spell or curse books regarding American and British magic. But that was when I realized it wasn't related to either of those." Newt had his eyes glued onto Diego, the room was deadly quiet.
"I haven't seen this type of magic since I was a boy living in Mexico." Diego pulled out various vials that he had stored in his bag. He would examine each one and put it on the table or put in back into the bag.
"My mother was the local healer there. She would deal with this curse every once in a while and she was always weary of it. It's called la quema. The burning. And ancient curse designed to consume its victim until..." Diego didn't bother to finish his sentence, he didn't need to.
"Can it be cured?" Newt broke his silence. He wouldn't look anyone on the eyes he kept his gaze downward. Wringing his hands anxiously.
"Simply yes. But it's not an easy cure or an easy recovery." Diego handed a vile with purple liquid and told Theseus to drink it. He downed it in one gulp but gagged at the taste. However it stopped the wound from spreading.
Diego took his wand and waved it over Theseus's body muttering a spell in Spanish. The curse retreated from Theseus face and down his chest, it stayed at the center of his stomach where he had first been hit. It still throbbed in a blusish glow. "I've stopped the curse from spreading." Diego pulled white gaze from his bag. "Sit up." Theseus did as he was told. "Wrapping it up is all I can do for now. This curse takes many months to heal and requires constant monitoring. I'll wrap it up and continue to treat him through this recovery." He tied off the gauze. Theseus' entire abdomen was wrapped in white gauze. Theseus still had a faint scar that curved up his chest in a thick line that faded and became liner over the curve of his nose. A reminder of the night.
Diego packed up his bag. "I recommend at least two weeks of rest and-"
"No."
"Excuse me I-"
"No Diego." Theseus sat up winding with every movement.
"You really shouldn't be moving." Diego tried to get Theseus to lay back down but he waved him off.
"(Y/n) is in trouble I can't just sit by and let her marry that monster. I can't just-"
"Okay." Diego let a small smile make its way to his lips.
"What?"
"I said okay. I figured you'd be too stubborn to just sit and do as your told." Diego crosses his arms over his chest.
Theseus started buttoning up his shirt. "I don't even know where to start looking for her though."
"I may know someone." Everyone turned in Newt's direction.
"You do?" Theseus had shrugged on his dress shirt but Newt could still see the faint blue glowing from his wound.
"Yeah. She's an American auror one of the best I've ever met. And if anyone can find (y/n) I'll be her." Queenie knew just who Newt was referring too.
"Let's go." Theseus staggered to his feet. "The sooner we get her whereabouts the sooner we can take him down." Theseus glanced over at Diego. "If we're gonna take him on we're gonna need backup Diego."
"Oh please Theseus. You think I came alone." Diego grabbed his bag, gesturing towards the window.
Theseus made his way to the window and drew open the curtains looking out. Standing in down of the apartment were the boys. Andrew and Blaine. Both had their wands our prepared for any attack. Theseus turned around and smiled at the group of wizards and witches. "Lets go get out girl back."
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Text
"Don't ever try get inside my head," like a beast he slammed me against the floor. The jerk and shock paralysised me I almost didn't hear him whisper "It's too dark for you." "You don't know me, " I snapped at him.
I cursed myself why did I do that to her? Lico... her name was like ambrosia in my mouth. But too much of a good thing can be poison and I knew- she was my poison. But what about her? I wasn't a good person; I was never a good thing. I know I didn't choose to be like this but I wasn't and I can't reverse it even if I wanted to. These hands that have killed possible couldn't caress those that have saved.
I wanted to hit him but he was so vulnerable and had lost all his stotic compusure. I knew if what I felt for him before today was lust it was definitely love now. He licks his lips everytime he lies, he has dimples when he smiles, no one can touch him or he gets defensive like a selfish child protecting thier chocolate and even now regretting what his done, being so sorry but not being able to say it. Let me be selfish this once. I take him by the collar and press our lips together it's short and... Not enough.
Not enough. Why did she do that? She knows I am a monster. She doesn't know I've let her torcher me. She doesn't know I'm crazy for her and she's the only one I've let touch me like this. "Princess-" I start.
When he calls me princess too. It's emmbrarassing in front of people but I still love it when he does. I kiss him again but this time sliding my tongue in his mouth.
Our tongues dance. I don't care. If I do whatever she asks of me can I be selfish enough to still have this? I'd let her kill me after this if that's what she wants.
His hands have found my waist and mine have found his hair.
Her hands are probably the only that have touched my hair like this. Ruffling it, ruining it.
His hands are firm and don't move from my waist. This makes me need more of him I slip one of my hands under his t-shirt.
One of her hands glides through my abs to my neck like a ribbon.
I feel him shiver. The hand in his hair cover his mouth and I kiss his collar bone. "Take off... your..." I'm out of breath.
While she catches her breathe I do as she said taking off all my clothes. She looks a surprised.
"I'm not asking for s*x," I can't take my eyes away from his body.
"I know," I'm satisfied with just her but I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish for more.
"Yeah so put them back on-" His face is so good when it shows raw emotion. Longing, confusion. I want to see more of him.
"What do you want me to do then?" I want her. I want her so bad. "You told me to take them off,"
"You'd do whatever I say then? What if I told you to jump off a cliff?" this argument has never failed me and better yet he's afraid of heights.
"I would," I truly would.
He didn't lick his lips this time.
Every paragraph is a new characters perspective. (Tedious work but so worth it) If I ever write a books one would at least be in this style.
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Conversation
T: so, did you think it was going to get better, or what was your reasoning for staying?
Me: At first it was "if he quits drinking he will change." Then it was "I can't do better. I can't support myself. May as well stay and try to be good enough..." but I never was "good enough" for him and I CAN do better.
T: ok, just curious how one's mindset is in that situation
Me: He isolated me and took any and all money I has so that I couldn't leave. So I tried to make him happy because I was scared of how he would retaliate if I left. I still am. I hear things and see things that aren't there. I don't sleep. I'm afraid to leave my house. Some days I still wonder if I could go back if I would so I didn't have to do everything alone. I'm too codependent and because of how I grew up I NEED approval. He knew that and used it to his advantage by pushing my family away so that he was the only one I could turn to. But when I would turn to him, he just used everything I ever opened up about against me. From childhood rape and abuse, to my panic attacks, to my personality and daddy issues.
T: I think the most important thing is you being as self aware as you are. Maybe that can be the good that comes out of all of this that you KNOW who you are and can protect yourself from allowing people to take advantages of areas that you deem as being weak. the past is the past and you can't change it, i just wish you would of allowed me to help you more back then so you didnt have to go back to him
Me: I hate accepting help. I'm embarrassed and feel undeserving. I never even knew how to accept Christmas gifts without being overwhelmed by guilt.
T: i TOTALLY get that. i hate christmas and my birthday for that reason. i dont take compliments well either....i feel people are trying to be nice, or want something if they offer them.
Me: Same. Like logically I know I am pretty, but when people say it to me, I instantly become defensive for some reason. Like "why what do you want?" or I think they're lying and actually making fun of me so I get angry. So B being a dick... I figured he was the "first honest person"... he would call me worthless and a loser and I would ask him through tears why he was being so mean and he'd say he wasn't mean, that he was honest. So because my self esteem was already so low, I began to believe it and be grateful someone saw me for the "failure" I felt like I was. Because "at least he isn't lying to me". So warped.
T: here is another one for you. Do you think having so many kids was a way of attempting to keep guys around, or with you? not saying you dont love your kids an d stuff, but ya know?
Me: No. The first was an accident. I got pregnant the first time I ever had sex. Second was intentional and I tried for about 4 no to get pregnant. 3rd was a happy but stressful accident bc my birth control method failed. First baby with B was because I was severely depressed not having custody of my kids. But I ended that pregnancy after he held a knife to my throat and my stomach. Jordan... I love her more than life, but she's here because he would not let me take birth control or he would dedstroy my pills and if I ever said No, he'd have sex with me anyways.
T: wow. hes playing a really nice face. talking about how he is changing his life and its going to be God first from now on, etc.
Me: He always says that. Even if he does change, it's too late. He's already done too much. Like... You're never gonna change bro.
T: well...never say never, but his track record isnt very convincing. he wont change on his own, thats for sure. and good, i honestly hope you stick to that
Me: I am 99% sure. It just sucks because whether it's love it Stockholm syndrome, I miss him so much. Like... How fucked up is that
T: its Stockholm syndrome mixed with horrible self worth and self esteem
Me: I think writing these bad memories all out will help. I gotta go type it up. Chat mañana! Thanks for talking to me.
T: Always.
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