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rileyslibrary · 5 months

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You burst into the office and slam the door behind you. Ghost jumps from his seat and looks up from the paperwork he’s been filling out. His eyes widen as you sprint towards him.

“What the f-”

“Just play along,” you interject, dragging a chair and plopping down. You grab two sheets of paper from the pile next to him and snatch the first pen within reach.

He keeps staring at you dumbfounded before managing to utter something.

“Can you at least-”

“Nope,” you cut him off while focusing on the papers and nibbling on the pen. “No, can’t do. You need to trust me on this one.”

“Define what ‘this one’ is.” He demands.

“Shhhh,” you hush him, waving your hand dismissively and glancing over your shoulder at the door. “He’s coming.”

“Who’s com-”

The door swings open, and footsteps approach. They settle beside you, and a hand slams on the desk. Ghost looks at the hand, then upward.

“Captain,” he says. “What brings you in-”

“For the love of everything you hold dear, Simon, you better not be involved in any of this,” Price warns. He slams his hand on the desk again and looks at you. “Why were you running away from me?” He asks.

You stare at him with furrowed eyebrows before removing the pen from your mouth.

“I wasn’t running away from you, sir,” you reply, pointing the pen at Ghost. “I was late for my meeting with the lieutenant.”

Price turns towards Ghost, seeking for an appropriate answer. The lieutenant sits up straight on his chair, clasps his hands together and motions with his head towards you.

“Very punctual, this one.” He says.

“Cut the crap, Simon,” Price orders and turns to you. “What were you doing inside Bravo Unit’s barracks last night?”

“Bravo Unit has barracks?” You ask Ghost. He shoots you a side-eye and raises one eyebrow.

“Stop playing dump and answer the question,” Price warns and points at Ghost. “And don’t look at him—he’s not covering for you this time.”

“How about you start from the beginning, boss,” Ghost interjects. “What happened?”

“Someone broke into Bravo Unit’s barracks last night and stole every inch of toilet paper they had,” Price says, looking at you, then turning to Ghost. “And not just toilet paper, mind you! Kitchen rolls and tissues are gone as well.”

“Tsk tsk tsk,” Ghost murmurs, shaking his head. “Such an inconvenience.”

“Inconvenience, Simon?” Price whispers, leaning on the desk. “The entirety of Bravo Unit had to wipe their ass with parchment paper this morning.”

Ghost brings his hand to his face and pinches the bridge of his nose. He lowers his head and takes deep, laboured breaths. Price is already fuming, so you decide to intervene.

“I was never inside Bravo Unit’s barracks, sir,” You state. “I just happened to walk through it once.”

“Oh, I see, I see—you walked through it once,” Price repeats, nodding. He removes something from his pocket and slams it on the desk.

“The instigator left this behind,” he states, looking back and forth between the two of you.

You and Ghost look at the garment on the desk—it’s a skull balaclava that once belonged to the lieutenant. He gave it to you last Winter since your ears and nose tend to get cold during patrol.

“Now,” Price states, “would you care to brief me on who this belongs to?”

“Hm,” you murmur, setting the pen and papers on the desk. You pick up the mask and start examining it. You look at Ghost, who stares at the mask with his eyeballs threatening to pop out of his face. He shoots you a deathly stare, and you redirect your attention to Price.

“That looks like it must be the lieutenant’s,” you reply, lifting the balaclava next to Ghost’s masked face. “With the skull and all—it’s a perfect match, actually.”

You both turn to Ghost, whose expression has transformed from utter disbelief to an inexplicable calmness.

“Indeed, that looks exactly like the one I lost,” Ghost confirms, taking the mask from you.

“Is it now?” Price asks in a high-pitched voice, tilting his head to the side. “Do me a favour and smell it for me, Riley.”

Ghost does exactly as he’s told. He brings the mask close to his nose, sniffs it, and nods. “Yup,” he confirms. “Smells exactly like me, too.”

Price sighs, takes a bottle from the pocket of his cargo pants and slams it on the desk. “So you want me to believe you use ‘Magnolia Blossom with Moroccan oil’ as a shampoo?” he asks.

“I’ve got dry hair.” Ghost shrugs.

“You should try coconut oil instead,” you suggest to Ghost, “it’s cheaper.”

Price kicks the chair next to you, and you both turn to look at him. He presses his lips together, and a red flush creeps on his neck, threatening to reach his head. He opens his mouth to say something, but you stop him.

“Why did you go through peoples’ stuff without their permission, sir?”

“Oh, I wasn’t going through anyone’s stuff,” Price explains. “You just were dumb enough to ditch the balaclava right behind the barracks. The detection dog picked up on the smell and led us to your stuff—it was a perfect match, just like you said.”

“You had sniffer dogs involved in this?” Ghost asks.

“I had to.” Price replies. “Pair the parchment paper with a day full of training, and Bravo Unit developed the worst rash they had since wearing diapers.”

A chuckle escapes Ghost, and he tries to silence it with his hand. He takes quick gasps of air, and you try to retain your laughter, too.

“Please tell me you’re not laughing!” Price shouts.

“No, boss,” Ghost says and wipes his tears, “It’s just so-”

“-sad,” you say and wipe your eyes as well. “It’s so sad.”

Price looks at you, then at the lieutenant. Now defeated, he sighs and throws his head back, shutting his eyes.

“I’m done with both of you.” He says, lifting his arms and dropping them to his sides. “I expect all toilet papers to be returned today. And as for you, you are responsible for cleaning Bravo’s toilets for the entire month.”

“For the whole month?!” You shout and wince at the idea.

“Be glad I didn’t make you wipe their asses as well.” He shouts as he walks to the door and slams it behind him.

Ghost recovers from the laugh and directs his attention to you. He tries to be serious but his teary eyes betray him.

“That was a hazardous operation you did back there,” he says.

“I didn’t do anything.” You reply, still vouching for your innocence. “But whoever did it taught Bravo Unit not to mess with our thermostats again.”

Ghost shakes his head. “I just happened to walk through the barracks once,” he says, repeating your earlier statement. “What were you thinking? Who walks through barracks?”

“I don’t know,” you reply, shrugging. “Ghosts would be my guess.”

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pseudowho · 2 months

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"Hey, Kento," you began, approaching him, thoughtful, while the shower warmed up in the background. Kento hummed in response, turning the page of his book.

"Darling?" Kento inquired.

"Have you ever noticed how...I don't know...convenient and...I dont know, I suppose how coincidental some details of your life are?" Kento caught your eye now, one thin eyebrow arched uncertainly.

"...what do you--"

"I mean," you interrupted, "your 7:3 thing. It's...it's everywhere. You part your hair in 7:3. Your inherent technique is 7:3. Your surname means 'seven-three'. I mean, jesus, your birthday is even--"

"--July the...3rd." Kento looked a little ill, closing his book and feeling his world close in around him. You headed to the shower, calling back; "Just a crazy random happenstance, I'm sure!"

You came out, some time later, to an abandoned book on the bed and Kento stood at the balcony, with an enormous whiskey in his hand and staring, haunted, into the distance.

"...Kento?"

Kento turned, face twisted with existential crisis; "I don't-- I've never-- ...am I an anime character or something?"

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thebibliosphere · 8 months

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A friend gifted me Gotham Knights on Steam after I expressed a vague interest in it. I believe my exact words were, "The color of the cover art is very cyberpunk bisexual, and I love that for them."

A lot of key smashing ensued, followed by, "No, wait, you have to play it, you have to. Don't ask why. You'll know when you see it."

After spending a substantial few hours with my new dopamine generator, zipping around Gotham as various different heroes, grappling my way across the skyline, and driving my motorbike into walls (sorry, random Gothamites.) I got to the part of the story where Dick Grayson is seen drinking from a bisexual-themed Bludhaven mug (WE WANTS IT, PRECIOUS, WE NEEDS IT), followed by Babs posting a gossip article in the literal batfam group chat (I have no idea when she actually sent it, I keep forgetting to check the chat lmao) where Dick fully leans into being Bruce's son by being the biggest, sluttiest fuckboy imaginable when the male interviewer asks Dick if he has a "type" then describes the way Dick drops his voice to an "intimate purr, his gaze for me and me alone" followed by the most bisexual response ever which can be summarized as "People are gorgeous. All of them. Why restrict myself to an archetype when the world is full of beauty?"

And can I just say, as a slutty, slutty bisexual *chef kiss* love that for him. That and all the nude photoshoot offers he seems to be getting lmao.

Combine that with the interactions where Tim talks to the batfam about his boyfriend, asking for relationship advice (Babs telling Tim she's hopeless with guys, so to ask Dick instead), Dick suggesting Robin and Nightwing should go to Gotham Pride in costume so people know the batman are firmly in camp LGBTQ+ (followed up by an email between Babs and Jayson where they talk about wanting to go to Pride to support Tim so he'll know they're proud of him), the rainbow flags in the living room, and the trans, bi, pan and I think non-binary flag (need to check, might be demisexual) bike color options, I can honestly say I'm having a lot of fun careering round Gotham like the most terrifyingly competent, backflipping, Solo Pride Parade that's ever swung out of the skyline to dropkick a cop into oncoming traffic.

#batfam #gotham knights #gotham knights game #this game is like playing crackfic #crackfic with the occasional bit of pure soul-destroying angst #it's quite clunky and a bit grindy #but as a character-driven gremlin I'm having the time of my life just fucking around and falling off buildings

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nerdpoe · 8 months

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Batman goes into the Infinite Realms to speak with the dead Lord of Time-he leaves with more than he realizes.

He feels...off. Hungrier than normal. Moodier.

If he's not in Gotham he actually starts to feel faint.

But if he's fighting crime in Gotham he tires more easily, like he's doing three times the amount of work than normal.

And then there's feeling like the city itself is...helping him?

Arkham hasn't been more secure. Joker keeps trying to escape but every attempt is foiled. Major players can't do big schemes, as something always goes wrong.

Harley catches up to him one day as he's catching his breath, and eyeballs him.

"...Huh. You too huh?"

Batman doesn't understand.

"Like with Canary. Like with me. Didn't know you was trans, but I guess it's your turn to be up the duff."

Batman wishes he still didn't understand.

But he'd gone to an impossible place before this happened, and he calls up the closest magic user he can.

And yup.

In his chest, there's three Cores-the integral heart of a being from the Infinite Realms.

Zatanna says that they're gathering strength, energy; enough to manifest physical forms.

The triplets are due in two months. Apparently, they'll just pop into existence in front of him.

Batman...is actually prepared, this was contingency 74-51-A-2.84. He has contingencies for everything.

It's amazing how few people understand that.

His family, less prepared.

With the exception of Tim, they are...well. They're freaking the fuck out.

@simplestoryteller

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finemeal · 2 months

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#dpxdc #danny phantom #tim drake #jason todd #uwu #dannypocalypse #made for a fanfic i wrote #a crackfic #little baby man #look at him #just a lil guy

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kuroishuuha · 2 years

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DP x DC prompt - Buried Bodies

The Joker hasn’t been seen for a while and it was concerning.

Danny just wanted to live a quiet life, well as quiet as an un-aging and immortal could live in a new dimension. He swears it was an accident. He didn’t mean to kill the weirdo clown. In his defense, the clown attacked him first. In his panic, he forgot about reporting the incident to the police and figured hiding the body was the best bet.

He just didn’t expect to be caught.

The last thing Jason expected when walking around Gotham was to catch a teen hauling Joker’s dead body through the park and attempting to bury it.

So he did what any Gothamite would have done when confronted with Joker’s dead body.

He offered his help.

Imagine their surprise when they realize they were neighbors.

Well as they say, people who bury bodies together, stay together.

#dp x dc prompt #dpxdc #danny phantom #danny fenton #jason todd #crackfic #dp x dc art #dp x dc

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iamnmbr3 · 1 month

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can u imagine if harry had been sorted into slytherin

6th year would've been insane

Draco: *gets up in the night for a drink of water*

Harry: oh. fancy meeting you here by the water jug at 2 o'clock in the morning. :)

Draco would've cracked after a month and been like 'FINE. FINE! Want to see my Dark Mark? HERE! Happy? Can I take a shower by myself in peace now?'

#now i want the crackfic #Harry Potter #Draco Malfoy #harry potter and the half blood prince #drarry #hpdom #my post #harry/draco #h/d #hpdm #harco

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olivyh · 1 year

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Does nobody in this house knock?

A/N: I've had this idea in mind for a while, and I've been on an Obey Me kick recently- I love these boys so much and they're so fun to write for (although consistently including six/seven people in one story is a bit of a challenge). This is supposed to be read as platonic but could go either way tbh. GN mc as always loves <3

Slight TW: For nudity (nothing serious really happens MC is just taking a bath and the brothers don't know what privacy is)

The House of Lamentation had its ups and downs- of course, the place was massive, which came with a plethora of spaces to crawl into if you wanted a moment of silence or needed a pretty room to study in. The kitchen was just as spacious- you were sure you couldn't use up all the counter space if you wanted to. The architecture was gorgeous and you could stare at the paintings that littered the halls all day (you wouldn't dare, though, after being told that some of them dislike the attention and could curse you if you stare for too long). Similarly, your room was one of your favorite spots in the house (along with Asmo's bathroom, which you were one of the lucky few to get the privilege of using when he wasn't having one of his frequent spa days. You also enjoyed wandering around the mansion (which, sadly, you were banned from doing after getting lost in one of the never-ending hallways and ending up deep underground, leading you to tearfully call Mammon and a house-wide scramble to find you before another one of Levi's rogue pets did).

The downs were, naturally, the lack of private time. Despite how big the house was, everywhere you went one of the brothers seemed to conveniently be heading in that same direction or even already in that room. Did you want a snack in the kitchen? Beel was three steps ahead of you, and already inviting you out to Madam Screams after he cleans out the fridge. Need to study in the library? Satan just so happened to be going there as well (did he not have enough in his room? You thought almost bitterly at the loss of your time). Wanted to nap in the planetarium? You trip over a passed-out Belphie (why was he sleeping in the doorway?) and end up with a bloody nose from the impact. Wanted to sit in the common room? Levi was already there, playing Devil Cart on what looked like the Devildom's version of a switch with Mammon. If you wanted to study at the dining room table, Asmo would find you and all but drag you to his room for an impromptu game of dress-up. You'd thought going to the eldest would at least leave you alone, opting to study in his office until he'd corrected you on your posture and the way your shirt was hanging loosely off one shoulder more than the other every time, occasionally asking you questions relating to your work and not-so-subtly correcting every wrong answer you'd made (even if you never fully finished the problem).

The brothers, however, knew that one time of the week was off limits- Saturday nights. You would often slip away and claim the shared bathroom for hours at a time, lighting candles and filling the bath until it was just high enough for you to soak up to your shoulders in. Of course, this was met with very little resistance (especially considering that all seven brothers somehow shared one bathroom with one toilet, which always baffled you. Though, you were certain that Lucifer had one of his own and was neglecting to let the others know). It never clashed with the nights Beel would come back from the gym in desperate need of a shower, or the nights Asmo would stumble back to the house covered in lipstick stains and reeking cheap perfume, or when Mammon would return covered head-to-toe in mud from walking Cerberus. You needed your time, you had told them. And they'd obliged. So, you'd set up a small routine to relax.

Which was exactly what you were doing. You slip out of your silk robe (gifted by Asmo, naturally) and take a step onto the stool. The shared bathtub was absolutely massive, and you had to shyly ask Lucifer if he had a stool you could use just so you didn't have to climb into the damned thing the first week here. At a distance, it looked normal until... you stepped closer and realized that it wasn't. Although, you supposed it made sense considering how large the brothers were, especially Beel. It was hard picturing him fitting into a normal-sized tub, especially remembering that he struggled to submerge himself fully in the one they already had. Chuckling to yourself, you gingerly lowered yourself into the warm water with a sigh as you feel the pressures of the day melt away into the bubbly water.

The candlelight is the only thing illuminating the room, and the soft sounds of the water splashing against the side of the tub is nearly enough to lull you to a soft sleep if you'd decided to give in to the temptation. The brothers seem to be quieter than usual as well tonight, as you would normally hear some kind of yelling while bathed in the silence of the bathroom. You gently kick your feet in the water and watch as the ripple shines in the gentle candlelight.

The water in the Devildom had shocked you with its opalescent gleam the first time you'd seen it, worried about drinking it. It had reminded you of the colorful outline left from oil slicks in puddles after it would rain. You were relieved to learn that it wasn't toxic, now basking in the slight glow that it gave your skin and the way it soothed any aches that you had.

It was the perfect night, but you'd regretted not grabbing a snack to keep with you, or a glass of Demonus to drink while you soaked (even though you wouldn't get drunk and it tasted more like a spicy grape juice, you still felt fancy).

"Oh my stars, hon, you would never guess what happened!" You're shaken out of your thoughts as Asmo's shrill voice rings through the open doorway He makes his way over to the bath, pulling up the chair that sat in the corner of the room and you try to hide your growing annoyance. He leans over the edge of the tub, teasing his fingers in the water and playing with the bubbles. "So I was at the Fall, right-"

"Asmo," You say, a quiet warning.

"And he really thought he could get away with trying to get between me and this other guy! Like, how dumb could you be? So anyways I turned to him and-"

"Asmo!" The demon pouts, folding his arms on the warm porcelain and resting his head on them, looking up at you through thick eyelashes. "I'm naked."

"I'm aware," He huffs, pursing his lips. "I've seen you bare before, love. Even if I hadn't, your body is not unappealing." He winks and you feel your face heat up. "So back to what I was saying-"

"MC!" Another shout and you groan, sinking deeper into the bath. "You're never gonna guess what I just did! I won the horse races! Highest bet, baby!" Mammon pumps his fist in the air as he beams, mussed hair likely from nervously running his hands through it.

"You're interrupting my story, you ass!" Asmo shouts.

"This is more important than your dumb story, drama queen!"

"Mammon!" You grumble. "Bathing?" He doesn't seem to hear you, though, as he continues to pace around the room, recalling every small detail about the race. His keychain clicks against the chains that loop from his belt, the clinking ringing through the room and grating on your nerves even more. Asmo continues to mindlessly play with the bubbles, even raising a soft hand to place a small crown of bubbles atop your head. You take it as a quiet apology from the demon.

"I finally finished the book you'd asked me about-" Satan, as perceptive as he is, seems to understand your harsh glare from within the bath as he walks confidently through the open door (courtesy of Mammon and his excited forgetfulness). "And I'm aware that this is your time but I simply could not wait another moment-" He sits beside Asmo, nearly pushing the smaller man off the chair. The latter gasps dramatically, rounded lips forming a harsh 'o' shape as he holds his hand over his heart, offended as ever.

"Hey! I wasn't done yet!" Mammon huffs, crossing his arms and glaring at his younger brother.

"You are now," He sneers before slipping open his book, reading through various notes and post-its he left buried within the pages. "Now, this scene in particular really stuck with me, and I'd very much like to hear your thoughts on it. It's when the protagonist-"

"Mc," Another quiet, almost apologetic voice from the doorway. Beel stands, nearly taking up the entire entrance, with armfuls of chips as he empties a bag into his mouth and tosses it into the trash near the sink. "I felt like you were hungry, so I got you something to eat," He holds out another bag and you take it, sighing as you fumble to open it and dig in.

"Thanks, big guy," He hums before sitting cross-legged on the floor beside a still dejected Mammon, offering the older a bag as well. You don't have it in you to be annoyed at the gentle giant, and you were getting a little hungry, after all.

"Anyways, back to my story-" Asmo begins, filling up the silence.

"I didn't finish either," The second born growls through a mouthful of chips.

"Finish eating, and Asmo, you were here first, you did your time and now it's my turn-" Satan shuts both of them down.

"I wanna tell them about practice-" Beel interjects, moving on to another bag of chips. "I did a really cool move where-"

"Mc!" Another familiar voice joins the fray. "SoIwaswatchingthatshowyoutoldmeaboutandIthoughtitwasreallycoolandthere's-" Levi takes a gasping breath before continuing. "Areallyreallyreallycoolshowcaseonitinthehumanworldcomingupandweshoulddefinitelygo-"

"Levi, sweetheart, please breathe." You remind him, sinking deeper into the bath until it's just your eyes and nose peeking out from the surface of the water, glad that it muffles the sound a bit.

"We should definitely go and wear matching costumes like the main characters and it'll be really cool and I already have an idea on how to make the props and it'll take a bit of time but we can definitely get it done in time and-"

"Ignore him," Satan sighs. "Anyways, I believe this scene is incredible I mean, did you see the wording in the second to last paragraph? It was so emotional I could hardly believe that he was faking it the whole time and-"

"My love, I never finished telling my story!" Asmo whines, pulling at your knee, which escaped from the water and is exposed to the chill of the air from when you sunk down further. "So then we ordered some Demonus, you know, as you do, and then this song starts playing and he comes back, so Solomon and I look at each other- you know that one look we share sometimes?- yes, that one, so we look at each other and then-"

"Hey, with all the money I just got, we should go shopping, yeah?" Somehow, Mammon had snuck around to the other side of the tub and started pacing on that side, grinning to himself. "I'll spoil ya rotten, I swear. Where do ya wanna hit first? We could go to Majolish, or we could hit that designer store up in the human world ya were tellin' me about-"

Beel continues to sit in silence, but his loud crunching is nearly deafening with all the noise the brothers are making, each of them unwilling to stop talking and wait their turn.

"Mc-" A yawn. "Here you are-" Belphie stumbles, half-awake (and you weren't even sure of that, with how limbs moved ragdoll-like and the way his eyes were still closed.) "...was looking... everywhere..." He cuts himself with a snore before he falls forward and his stomach collides with the side of the tub, flipping over and landing in the water with you.

"Belphie!" You shriek, fumbling to simultaneously get as far away from the still-sleeping demon as possible while trying to save him and while also trying to cover yourself from the eyes of the men in the room.

"You're naked?!" Mammon screams, backing away until his back hits the wall.

"HUH?!" You hear Levi wail before a thud sounds through the room and, if Satan's snort is any sign, you were sure he'd definitely just passed out and was lying unconscious on the cold tile of the bathroom.

"Of course they're naked!" Asmo hums. "Who bathes with clothes on?"

"I don't care! Someone get Belphie out right fucking now!" You scramble up the side of the tub, feeling the rough fabric of his cardigan as he surfaces for air, still asleep as he hugs you as close to him as possible, burying his face- or what little you could see of it, with how his soaked hair conceals practically the entire thing- in the crook of your neck and wrapping his legs around your own (you grimace at the feeling of his wet sweatpants against you). Beel comes to your rescue as he attempts to pry his twin's arms off of you and apologizing every time his hands brush your exposed skin. Embarrassment heats your face as you try to squirm away, shouting at Mammon to grab you a towel as more and more water sloshes out of the tub, effectively soaking the pages of Satan's book and smearing some of Asmo's makeup. The former lets out an annoyed grumble as he curses the seventh for falling in and causing a scene in the first place while the latter gasps and rushes towards the mirror to assess the damages done, complaining about how perfectly his makeup was done today and now he was going to have to start all over-

Mammon rushes forward, towel in his extended arm as he slips on the spilled water with a yelp and sends himself flying into the tub as well, landing on top of Beel, who was still attempting to pry Belphie off of you. Beel, shocked by the impact, drops Belphie back onto you and is sent forward by Mammon's weight. Mammon follows close second, leaving you with three demons now in the tub as you try to shove all three off of you. It's difficult for them, as Beel is face-down in the water, his face wedged between your stomach and Belphies, with his legs bent awkwardly out of the tub and Mammon wedged between you and the wall, hands unable to find purchase as he's contorted and squished- not to mention that Belphie's legs had attempted to wrap tighter around your own and had successfully trapped Mammon's arm against your thigh and his face against the space between your shoulder blades, as well as further squishing his twin's face between the two of you. Both your hands are occupied with getting their heads out of the water so they could at least breathe, with two fistfuls of ginger locks and snow-white ones.

"Everyone out, NOW!" Lucifer's voice rings from the doorway and the room is silent once more. The eldest grabs Beel's collar and pulls him out of the tub, with a grumbling Belphie following close behind (finally awake from the shouting). Mammon follows soon after, skirting out of the room without needing to be asked twice, not concerned in the slightest about how soaked his designer jacket was as you were sure he was going to explode from how red his face was. Asmo and Satan follow close behind, with the fourth-born grabbing a still-unconscious Levi by the ankle and dragging him out of the room. You sigh and sink into what little is left of the water, resting your head against the edge of the tub.

"Thank you," You sigh. "That was a nightmare."

"Of course," The firstborn stands still for a moment, clearing his throat. "While I am here, I recently received the scores from the exam that you had taken last week-"

"Lucifer," You glare at the man, eye twitching in annoyance. "Out."

He sighs, turning on his heel and striding out the door, closing it behind him with a click. Finally, in silence, you try to relax once more.

The pounding of your heart doesn't allow it, though.

Neither do the bruises on your stomach from Beel's hard-as-a-rock forehead, or on your ribs from when Mammon had elbowed you in an attempt to flee, or the scratch on your back from when Beel had tried to separate Belphie from you only to find that the youngest was going to fight tooth and nail to continue your impromptu cuddle session and dug his bitten nails into your skin.

You laugh bitterly- something caught between an annoyed growl and a sob- and slam your fist uselessly against the porcelain.

You were going to get them back for this.

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kxyera · 3 months

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Nihil : “This is the most satanic ministry in history. We have ghouls from the deepest depths of hell, and they are absolutely terrifying.”

Swiss, in his room, volume 100: “CA-LI-FORNIA GIRLS, WE’RE UNFORGETTABLE!”

Dew, through the wall : “DAI-SY DUKES, PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK! UP!”

Nihil : “…Terrifying.”

#ghost bc #swiss ghoul #sodo ghoul #ghost crackfics #dewdrop ghoul #california girls #kxyera’s crackfics #papa nihil #crusty dusty nihil

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prokopetz · 7 months

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It just occurred to me that, assuming Bram Stoker's Dracula takes place roughly in the year of its publication, John Harvey Kellogg is coicidentally about the same age as Abraham van Helsing, and now there's a crackfic I'm genuinely upset I'll never have time to write.

#media #literature #dracula #dracula (novel)#bram stoker #john harvey kellogg #character swap #fandom #fanfic #crackfic

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just-some-random-blogger · 1 year

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Hey can I ask for a smutish fluffish matt smith fic where where they are filming their sex scene but she accidentally says Matt instead of Daemon and the directors like “not again 😒 start from the top”

I'm Into It

Matt Smith x Actress!Reader (lowkey Daemon x Reader lol)

Summary: You were finally getting to live out your fantasies of having Matt around you in that pretty blonde wig, but at what cost?

Word Count: >600

Warnings: fem!reader, established relationship, they be filming a sex scene for hotd, crackfic, fluff, typos, etc.

A/N: Lol this was so much fun to write it's so meta i love it. I hope you like it nonnie <3 and since technically this is daemon related imma tag yallz @pinksirensong @deniixlovezelda @targaryenmoony also im tagging @pearlstiare since this lovely dear seemed to enjoy my matt smith fic lol hehe i made another matt fic lol "Dark Kiss"

I was pressed against the wall, a blade to my neck, an arm pressed by my ribcage, pushing me flush against the wall.

I heaved, "do it," I spoke as the blade was pressed closer to my chin, "slit my throat," I chortled, "and then you'll realize just how foolish that decision was after you've spilt my blood."

"Demented hag," Daemon quips, pressing his arm deeper into me.

I lean into him, the blade on my neck presses deeper. I brush my nose against his, "hush, prince," I lick his lips, "we both know you don't think that."

Daemon throws his blade to the side and flips me over, pressing my chest and face roughly against the wall, one arm pushed behind my back. He breathes jaggedly against my neck, "tell me where you hid it."

"Make me," I huff, "you know how," I chuckle, "you know what I want from you."

I wince when he shoves me. I break into another chuckle, "I'll take it however you want to give it, pretty boy."

"Last chance," he warns, "while I'm being nice."

I hum, "I don't want you to be nice. I want you to ruin me."

I smile when he does not reply. I strain my neck trying to look back at him, "dragon lost his fire?"

All at once, I am released and turn back to deviously eye the prince. I bite my lip when he begins to undo his breeches, "you will regret it if you do not obey me."

My heart jumps to my throat at his words. I fall against the wall as he steps forward. I reach out to him as he bunches my skirt up.

I lean against his forehead and sigh when he places his hands on my hips. I raise my leg up to his side and pull him with me as I shift back. I steal a kiss from him and nip at his lower lip when he evades me. When he takes his hand underneath my thigh, I instinctively call out his name.

That was my mistake.

Instead of calling Daemon, I say Matt.

Matt pulls his head back upon hearing his name. He breaks into an airy chuckle, "baby," he coos, leaning into me, hiding his face in the crook of my neck, pecking the area quickly.

My eyes go wide and I slap my hand on my mouth, looking out to the director and the rest of the crew when I realize my mistake.

Matt pulls away from me, laughing, releasing his hold on my leg to look past the camera. He turns back to me, as I profusely begin to apologize under my breath. He is in a fit of giggles when he seals me into a tight embrace, kissing my shoulder affectionately.

"I am so sorry," I mutter in a guilty tone as I am lifted off my feet by the laughing Matt.

"I'm not," he says, looking out to the camera. He points, "you caught that, right?" He giggles, "I'm going to need a copy of all of these outtakes."

I feel blood rise up my neck, "Matthew, please."

"What?" he turns to me, "my male ego is thriving, lovie. What is this, the tenth time?"

"No!" I call, "... I think only five."

There is a chorus of laughs; someone corrects me by saying it's the seventh.

Matt kisses me cheek, "I'm proud of you, babe."

"Matt, please," the director calls, "stop being distracting."

The entire set breaks into a fit of laughs. I burn with embarrassment, wanting nothing but to be swallowed by the ground, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I turn to Matt and grab his face, "Daemon. Daemon. Daemon."

Matt grins, "Matt. Matt. Matt."

"Stop!" I warn, pulling away from him as I repeat my mantra, "Daemon, Daemon, Daemon."

"Rouge Prince. Dashingly handsome," Matt rubs his nose. He looks at the director, "from the top then?" He chuckles under his breath, "that's what she said."

"Stop!" I whine.

"Oh, alright," he smirks, turning to me, "do me a favor and mess up again. For me?"

"Stop!" I call out the same time as the director.

lol you wanna read another matt smith fic?

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daemontargaryenwhore · 8 months

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it looked like that punch took all his strength how is his mother not embarrassed Harwin is rolling in the dust

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anyasathenaeum · 9 months

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Not really nsfw but a crack-ish fic where Knives is trying to kidnap/threaten Vash's s/o and they just tell him "I fucked your brother, shitlips" and he starts arguing with them (they keep saying it) for at least 30 minutes until Vash shows up.

A/N: Okay this just made me burst into laughter, what a chaotic idea. I LOVE it. Sorry it's short but it's my first ever crack-fic

Warnings: MINORS DNI, Explicit mentions of sex, This is Absolutely Not Serious™, please enjoy chaos and Knives getting annoyed

"You will obey me, or else, I will-"

"You'll what? You won't do anything because jokes on you, I already slept with your brother," You immediately cut Knives off, grinning a bit maniacally at him.

Knives' eyes widened and he just stared at you for a moment.

"What?"

"I slept with your brother," You repeated, grinning even more maniacally. Despite you clearly being in a position of vulnerability, tied up and restrained, you were loving this and decided if you were gonna be unhinged, you would push the envelope as far as you could.

"You... what?"

Knives continued to just stare at you, confusion and lack of understanding clear in his pale eyes.

You let out a borderline-unhinged laugh, "What aren't you getting here, buddy? I. Slept. With. Your. Brother. I fucked Vash, which was amazing, by the way! I'm really glad we finally slept together, it took FOREVER for him to get the hint!"

Knives just rubbed his eyes with his hand and sighed exasperatedly, trying to keep himself calm and still maintain his intimidating facade, "As I was saying, you-"

"Fucked Vash, you betcha I did! Many times, actually!"

Oh, this was getting fun. You wanted to see how annoyed you could get Knives, partly out of the want to just frustrate and irritate him, and partly because you knew Vash would definitely be on his way to save you.

Knives scowled at you and just looked down at you as he got close to your face, anger clear in his features.

"Would you shut up about-"

"Fucking Vash? Never. And trust me, after the kind of sex we had? I'm NEVER shutting up about it ever again."

Knives let out an exasperated yell, "Are you kidding me?! Stop talking about sleeping with my brother!"

"Four times, Knives! Four orgasms in the span of ten minutes, I mean, what kind of man can pull that off?! It was impressive, I felt like I had no bones left in my body, and-"

"ENOUGH!"

Knives bellowed loud enough to actually silence for you, but it didn't wipe away the grin on your face. You couldn't help but stifle a laugh as you saw how red Knives' face was and how annoyed he was.

"What, jealous you aren't getting laid, Knives? I must say, the whole 'murdering the human race' vibe you've got going on might be the reason."

You couldn't believe you were pushing this far, but all your shame was out the window now - it was all or nothing at this point.

"I swear, if you don't stop talking about- about-," Knives spluttered angrily, but you immediately interjected before he could get too far.

"What? Sex? Are you so shy that you can't even say the word, Knives?" You teased mercilessly.

"Why are you two talking about sex?"

Both you and Knives turned to see Vash standing there, looking extremely confused and a bit of an amused expression on his face despite his gun being drawn.

"Get them out of my sight," Knives immediately snapped, just about throwing you across the room at Vash, "I give up. I never want to see them again, they're useless to me. Both of you, leave now, before they start talking about... about..."

"Sex?"

"OUT!"

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