#is so much better than projecting them onto an idol because you believe them to be true | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pineapple-lover-boy · 3 years

Text

Can- can I just talk about the Victuuri relationship? Pretty please?

I just…. I’ve never seen a healthy relationship that starts from idolization and a need to get out that has ended in a satisfying way.

Let me elaborate:

We all know that Yuri idolized Victor. It’s why he was so nervous in the beginning and why it took time for them to build on their relationship, he saw Victor as a god.

Victor? He was depressed. He loved the ice so much but he longer found excitement in competitions. He didn’t have any worthy opponents that had a chance of beating him (sorry Chris).

I believe Victor “fell in love” at the banquet. He was attracted to Yuri but, even though he lost, he also saw potential in him. That night was probably the most exciting night for him in a long time. I think he felt genuine affection for Yuri but also saw a way to get out of his predicament.

Then, of course, Yuri didn’t show up the following season (a year had passed before the present timeline). He was most likely annoyed that someone who had gave him excitement didn’t show up. Did he think Yuri had a chance of beating him at first? Probably not. Did he see potential or at least someone he could have fun with during the season? Hell yes!

And then when he saw the video of Yuri skating Stay Close To Me, something that awarded him a gold medal. That’s all he needed. He saw how Yuri not only skated it perfectly but I bet he thought Yuri skated it better. Let’s not forget that emotion is a huge part of skating. If you don’t skate with the passion your supposed to hold for whatever theme you have, your performance can almost seem futile. Victor obviously won because he perfected it but if it was based on how he presented it alone, he would’ve lost. He saw someone worthy of skating an gold medal piece while also having the heart to do it. That’s talent.

Anyways, because of this, their relationship doesn’t hold well in the beginning. He’s passive aggressive towards Yuri because he doesn’t see his own talent and Yuri is just going along for the ride because holy shit it’s Victor fucking Nikiforov.

As they get to know each other and Yuri opens up more (plus Victor getting info on Yuri from the others) Victor starts to see Yuri as an actual person and not someone he can use to project himself onto and then later skate against. And Yuri starts to see him as an actual person too.

I saw on another post talking about how we didn’t see them during the summer and how the end credits of every episode suggest they got to know each other better as both in the credits and in the show they (Yuri) are able to touch each other more. I 100% believe this.

I also believe they might’ve had an argument or two on this topic. It’s not easy to switch from inadvertently seeing someone as anything but a person to an actual person with emotions and feelings. I believe Victor would’ve tried to back away from this subject but Yuri wouldn’t let him. It wasn’t big arguments like in episode 7. It was probably little quarrels that annoyed them both but after having a long conversation they finally started to become more comfortable with each other.

Yuri started letting go of the notion that Victor was a god like creature and Victor saw him as something other than a pawn. Yuri stopped getting as embarrassed with Victor touching him and Victor stopped trying to seduce him as much just so he could see the man from the banquet.

This most definitely leads the way towards a healthier relationship but episode 7 was inevitable. Yuri’s anxiety was at an all time high when he comes out on top. The fact that he needs to stay on top and not mess up is getting to him. As a person with anxiety, it’s pure hell. The thoughts of failing won’t get out of his head and even as he turns off all the monitors he can still hear everything.

Victor takes him away from prying eyes and has no idea what to do. Despite an obvious change that would’ve had to include some emotions from both occurring over the summer, he still has no idea how to help someone in distress.

Then he makes his first mistake. Yuri is visibly shaken by someone’s scores (can’t remember who) and Victor, who is at his wits end, yells at him to stop listening and puts his hands over Yuri’s ears. This tells Yuri how nervous Victor is too and despite knowing that Victor wouldn’t leave him now it shows to him that Victor doesn’t have faith in him (even if he does).

Victor tried to shatter Yuri’s heart. He must’ve expected Yuri to maybe sign heavily but tell him that he’ll do everything in his power to win (probably something that’s happened with him and Yakov). Instead he see’s the consequences of his carelessness. Yuri rightfully lashes out at him and even through all that Victor stills says “should I kiss you?”. Idk what Yuri was thinking but if I were him I would be extremely offended that Victor would try and use me like some doll he can play with and can assume that physical affection and love can fix everything, which was probably what Yuri was thinking.

There’s something off about Yuri and Victor when they emerge but Yuri is surprisingly better now. Cathartic crying can do wonders, kids. There’s also my favorite part of the entire show (couldn’t find a gif):

*head jab* “Hey, fuck you.”

*more head jabs* “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I know you don’t like this you unempathetic dicknip.”

*head pat* “You’re forgiven.”

We all know what happens next: Yuri ends his love story with Victor’s signature move and Victor kisses him out of joy and the need to one up him (with love, of course).

I’m gonna get a little sloppy here with the timeline because I have the memory of a female protagonist that needs to go back to work to get something only to accidentally bump into the jerk CEO of which she will develop a toxic relationship for fan service, so forgive me.

Gonna skip ahead to the scene where Yuri tells Victor that he’s leaving skating, and basically Victor too. (At this moment I realized I’ve been spelling Viktor with a c and not a k which is really fucking with my brain but it’s too late to go back). Victor starts crying and realizes just how Yuri felt when he was rejecting him.

I believe Yuri found some light in the situation because of that fact, which Victor was not having. They’ve been closer than ever now. They’ve kissed, they’ve also announced they they’re getting married, so what the hell?!

Yuri, as we know, feels he’s keeping Victor from the ice. Victor, while he misses the ice and wouldn’t mind being competitive again, has found meaning and if he’s going to be Yuri’s coach to stay where he is than so be it.

He wanted to coach Yuri because he wanted a worthy competitor and while he still wants that, what matters most now is his relationship with Yuri. If he stops being Yuri’s coach and Yuri goes off the ice he knows it will be the end. Yuri loves the ice too and I’d bet he’d try to distance himself from Victor as to not feel regret from leaving without actually knowing that he’s doing it.

They’ve grown so much at this point. But that doesn’t mean it’s over. After all they’ve been through Yuri doesn’t realize that consequences of parting from one another. While being too dependent on your spouse isn’t good, it’s what they both need right now. They are what caused the other person to be happy again and while I hate those types of storylines this one executed it perfectly.

I find Victor’s silent plea to Yurio absolutely heartbreaking. He knows it’s bad to put pressure on people but now he’s doing that to a 15 year old boy. He’s putting his relationship and his life into this child’s hands because he knows there’s nothing else he can do.

I do think Yurio had a crush on Yuri but even if he didn’t: Yuri has taught him so much. He, although being an ass most of the time, has really come to love Yuri as family. It’s clear that Yurio was always lonely (Otabek being his first friend and all) but once he came to Japan and lived, truly lived there, he wasn’t lonely anymore.

Yurio wins, Yuri gets silver and all’s well that ends well.

I guess my point of this was to show how well the relationship in YOI was. I could’ve included some more detail on some points but I usually write stuff in one take (it’s very hard to revise without my mind shutting on itself).

I just love how an implicitly toxic relationship can come out so healthy. They don’t do any of that miscommunication bullshit and when they do it’s because the characters don’t know what to do or how to handle something. Like humans do!

They could’ve easily made this the hot famous guy thinks the kawai girl boy is just so adorable and the kawai girl boy is absolutely infatuated with the hot guy. Hijinks ensue which includes the kawai girl boy thinking the hot guy is in love with someone else. She He gets pushed into thinking that she’s he’s more independent in the end and happily ever after for the couple that will divorce in less than five years! Yay!

Seriously, I thought that was what was going to happen but YOI subverted my expectations so much. They are people that grew from their bad mindsets. And you know what? Yuri still has anxiety! Victor is still bad with handling emotions! And that’s ok! We don’t change that quickly. It takes time and hopefully another season.

I’m definitely using this show as a template for healthy relationships. It’s so hard for me to properly write them when I’ve never been in one and I’m not given the chance to see it happen in different environments (when searching it up all I get is “they trust each other. They blame each other. They’re compassionate.” Like ok but can you show me how?)

Yuri!!! On ice…. I love you so much. You have done so much for my mental health and my writing. Thank you.

#yuri on ice #yuri katsuki #katsuki yuri #victor nikiforov #viktor nikirofov #please tell me if you want me to elaborate on some sections #long post #yurio plisetsky #yuri plisetsky #healthy relationships

225 notes · View notes

dat-town · 3 years

Text

not gonna miss this chance

Characters: Han Seojun & soloist!female reader

Genre: fluff

Setting: true beauty au, set a year after the tv show’s ending timeline

Summary: Your career is on the verge of ending, hence your management puts you up to do a duet with the infamous Han Seojun. You have heard too many rumours about him to keep track of and yet, none of them could have prepared you for the feelings that came with meeting him.

Words: 4.1k

Self indulgent little snippet because he deserves happiness too.

You had heard of Han Seojun before meeting him, of course you had. Everybody who was in the industry had heard of the hot trend of a Newstagram star-turned idol and his band's shining debut from a year ago. They were told to have snatched teenage girls hearts all over Korea with their good looks and soulful music. You had heard their title track and you had to admit it was nice but nice wasn't enough in a cut-throat industry like entertainment.

Look at you, starting training at twelve, debuting at fifteen and now barely twenty-one you were on the verge of becoming a thrown away doll. Once you had been called cute and the it girl of your generation and now? People were saying you got boring just because your music had matured. Gosh, you couldn't keep singing about first love like your hit song had been for the rest of your life for god's sake. Your last album had been a flop, your company had been losing money and you were still afraid that even with a year left of your contract, they would cut you. But your manager had begged them for a chance and here it was: a collaboration with the newest love of Korea.

But the thing was, Han Seojun had quite a reputation and you didn't know who to believe. Some said he was well-mannered and hard-working. Others gossiped that he was always flirting with his makeup artists and Chen claimed he had been rude to her even when he had just been a ‘nobody’. Not that you were particularly fond of Chen either but as a fellow solo female singer you were a tad bit worried how the infamous singer would treat you.

Well, standing in front of Move Entertainment, you were just about to find out. Taking a shallow breath you followed your manager's lead, bowing to the receptionist and getting into the elevator after taking your visitor's badge. You had heard the company has gone through many changes after the executives were replaced due to the revealed Seyeon scandal but everything looked expensive, shiny and new, unlike in your small agency.

“Hey, I’m Lim Heekyung, nice to meet you. Seojun will be in a minute, too,” a woman in a pantsuit walked up to you on the right floor with a confident smile as she introduced herself. She led you to a meeting room which was apparently customized for a few people only and started preparing papers. She looked excited which was a relief and nice to see, at least someone from Move Entertainment was happy for this project apparently. You were a bit afraid they would see you like a leech, trying to cling onto their new star’s popularity.

“Shall we start? Seojun is a fan of dramatic entrances anyways,” Miss Lim laughed joyfully as if it wasn’t new to her that the idol didn’t make it on time. Ah yeah, you had heard rumours saying that he had something on the company and that was why they were so lenient with him.

You sat in silence, let your manager do the talk about the collaboration project. Seojun could play the guitar, you could play the piano, apparently it was perfect for a ballad duet, though if you used instruments yourself it added to the preparations time. But luckily, there was a songwriter named Leo at the company who had already sent in a few samples specifically for Seojun, so you didn’t have to start from zero.

“Ah, I see you started without me. What did I miss?” A tall boy opened the door wide and flipped down onto the chair across you casually. He had grown into his lanky limbs and with those wide shoulders hugged by the leather jacket, helix earrings in one ear and soft brown hair brushed to one side, it wasn’t a surprise how many female fans swooned over him. But there were a lot of handsome boys in the business, just his looks – no matter how confident he was in them based on the way he carried himself – wouldn’t make a difference.

Miss Lim patiently let Seojun know about the advances and only when she mentioned your name, did the boy glance at you. His dark brown eyes had a sharp form, just as piercing as his gaze, but the cunning smile spreading over his lips softened it a bit. He looked at you as if he wanted to see through you, to figure out how he should have approached you. You expected a snarky or arrogant comment, but in the end, he just flashed a blinding smile at you, one you could see on his posters, before turning back to Miss Lim.

“What’s the schedule?” he asked simply and you both were notified about the deadline of deciding and finalizing the song, the dates of planned recording sessions and the photoshoot. Since there would be no promotion period, it all would be done within a month and half from start to finish. You were a bit relieved hearing that and leave Move Entertainment without any confrontation.

You thought you were good at masking your wary feelings since the further meetings went well and the first recording session went okay-ish. Although both of you had been a bit scolded by the producer for not putting enough feelings into your singing. He claimed that the demo sent by Leo was much more emotional which made Seojun scoff and mumble under his nose. The PD called it for a day, making you promise to practice for next time and one by one they all left. Your manager told you that he would bring the car while you refresh yourself in the bathroom, so you really didn’t expect anyone to wait for you when you stepped out of the restroom, much less Han Seojun.

"Spit it out," he bit out barely glancing your way as he leaned against the corridor’s wall.

"What?" you spluttered as you were really taken aback by his out of blue appearance and question. The guy let out a tired sigh at your obliviousness and pushed himself away from the wall just to walk up to you, towering over your height with his.

"You look at me as if I killed your hamster or something. Which rumour about me bothers you? I fucking can't keep walking on eggshells around you, especially when it's just the two of us," he tsked and you gulped at the sudden called out. You didn’t think it bothered him, or that he was considerate enough to ‘walk on eggshells around you’, you merely thought he was so distant from everybody. It was still better than what Chen had told you.

"Oh, I… nothing. It's stupid. Sorry," you mumbled, feeling embarrassed for your your actions but Seojun apparently wasn’t satisfied without a real answer as he carried on:

"I didn't bully kids in high school but I threatened ones that deserved it, I didn't only get a pity chance from the entertainment, one of our makeup artists is actually one of my best friends, I'm not…"

"Chen told me you are rude and arrogant and have no respect for girls," you blurted out to stop him from speaking because you felt like you didn’t deserve to hear all that. He didn’t owe you any explanation for the way he was. You were just co-workers for a project after all, you had no place in his life, nor he had in yours, so he shouldn’t have been that bothered by your opinion but you understood that he felt uncomfortable due to your silent accusations.

Hearing your hasty interruption, the singer scoffed, a laugh-like sound leaving his mouth.

"Well, I have no respect for girls like Chen who harass my friends and turn their lives into hell just to go on a date with me," he said and it made you blink slowly.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Check your facts before you go around believing such crap," Seojun stepped back with a roll of his eyes.

The whole situation made you feel made about how you acted, so you wished to apologise but it fell from your lips all too carelessly: "Sorry, I was just worried. This is my last chance, so–"

"Last chance?" the guy quirked a brow at you, curious but you quickly waved his question away.

"Nevermind, I just need this song to do well."

"Of course, it will. I'm Han Seojun, it will turn to gold under my hands," he grinned and made eccentric gestures as if he was about to do magic. You couldn't help a smile. “Or well, vocal chords.”

And turn it to gold, he did.

The rest of your recording sessions went smoother, even the previously grumpy PD complimented your for the development in your chemistry. Funny, you wouldn’t have thought that the wall pulled up between the two of you mattered that much, but at least you didn’t have a knot in your stomach, nor did you worry about every small thing you did around Han Seojun. He also acted more casual, more playful, joking around when both of you had a bit of time to take a breather. He snapped silly pictures, showed off with his height, smirked when he got too close but despite all his bravado and lowkey flirting, you believed even he wouldn’t have jeopardised his career over something like this.

Maybe that's why wrapping up the recording felt a tad bit weird: you got used to his presence, his jokes, his beautiful, deep voice that you could have fallen asleep to. Sure, sometimes he was cocky, a bit rough around the edges but he was a great singer and a fun guy. The project seemed to work out well and you loved it a lot, so you hoped the listeners would appreciate it as well.

But before all that you had one photo shoot together for the promotional pictures and the single's cover. You were grateful for the simple pastel colour background and elegant setting. The warm light latte colour and the clock in the background really fit the song's vibe. Luckily, your dress was decent and pretty as well, you didn't have to feel uncomfortable in it at least. However, you didn’t expect that happy yelp coming from one of the makeup artists stepping into the dressing room. You turned to face the girl, wondering whether she was your fan judged by her excitement.

"Oh my! I'm so happy to finally meet you! Seojun told us about you so much!" she beamed at you which obviously took you back. Well, that you didn’t expect at all. He spoke of you to others? Ah. Apparently to the makeup artist who was most probably that certain one of his best friends he had told you about?

"Don't exaggerate, Imju, I mentioned her like what… once?" Seojun walked in on cue. He rolled his eyes and cleared his throat, trying to avert the topic. "How's Suho?"

You had know idea who that said guy was but after a moment or two you could breathe properly once again while listening to their chatting.

“Just the usual. He’s excited about your duet.”

“Of course, he is,” Seojun grinned, a bit snarky but you could hear the proud undertones of it. When he looked at you, you were surprised by him leaning close though as he quieted down until only you could hear it. “Don’t worry, Jugyeong is really good and just stop her if she gets too gossip-y.”

“Are you talking about me behind my back, hah, Han Seojun?” The pretty girl called Jugyeong raised her fist as if she was about to hit the idol but he just laughed it off and left you two alone when he was hurried onto the set to start with his individual shoots.

“Have you known each other for a long time?” you couldn’t help but wonder as you were seated to get your makeup from her.

“Ah, almost 4 years, I think. We went to high school together. Plus, he’s best friends with my boyfriend. Though, they are always bickering like a married couple,” Jugyeong chuckled joyfully as she started with the cushion. You closed your eyes, listening as she kept going on about the time when Seojun had been obsessed with his motorbike, getting into trouble with his mother. It was strange hearing about a whole other side of him, mama's boy but the image tugged on your mouth, making you smile even though you weren't sure you had the right to know all that. You also learned that Seojun's sister was dating Jugyeong's brother and you felt so involved with the girl's trust albeit it was your last meeting, you were sure Seojun must have only told good things about you.

Hence, you felt shy under his knowing gaze when you walked out of the dressing room. He must have known that Jugyeong couldn't shut up for the life of her, so he looked a bit uncertain, too, stretching the back of his neck, forcing a cunning smile onto his smile when you took your place next to him.

To fit the ballad's theme, the setting was a piano decorated with flowers and you were instructed to sit beside him as if you were about to play a four hands piece. As you did what you had been told, you were very much aware of the way your arms brushed, his long fingers over the keys close to yours, his smile small but genuine.

"Great, great, guys! Someone help her onto the piano and Seojun, stand in front of her," the photographer directed the next scene but before any staff members would have rushed up to you, the singer next to you shushed them.

"I can do it," he insisted as he stood up and looked you in the eyes, silently asking for permission. You nodded while holding your breath back before Seojun put his hands on your waist above the fluffy tulle skirt part and counting on three, he lifted you onto the lid of the beautiful instrument.

You crossed your legs, watching in awe as your pink skirt fell down on waves but your breath hitched for an entirely different reason when you looked up, gaze meeting Seojun's feline eyes trained on you. You had never seen him look at you like that, lacking playfulness or suspicion or curiosity. He looked open, vulnerable, outright starstruck. Your lips parted meaning to ask something but your brain shut off when you heard the shutter of the camera go down and the director yelling compliments at you. It made you snap out of it and later, you blamed the evident blush on your cheeks on the makeup. Seojun blinked too, his guarded expression back in no time, finishing the photo shoot professionally, always lingering close to you, but never touching you. Even though you wouldn’t have minded.

"Hey," Seojun peeked into your dressing room just as you were about to leave, packing up, with a smile on his mouth and sparkles in his deep brown eyes. But unlike half an hour ago when he wore a fancy suit and looked at you like a prince would have looked at his princess, he acted just as casual as he looked in his denim jacket over dark tee. "Wanna grab something with me if you finished for today?"

His question took you back but first thing first you glanced towards your manager, eyes begging for permission which you had gotten with a sigh.

"Just be discreet and call me if you need me to pick you up," your manager shrugged, leaving you two alone with a knowing look that told you to be careful. You didn't need to be told though, you knew how much depended on the current public response to your image.

"Seems like a green light. Have you thought of anything specific?" you turned back to the boy with a subtle smile.

"Not really but I know a few less frequent, secluded places to avoid much talk about us," he said and you nodded, following his lead. Masks, caps and hoodies on, you barely talk on your way to the tent with the lovely ahjumma who welcomed Seojun (two heads taller than her) with a pinch of his cheeks and told you to get seated.

"Are you a regular here?" you inquire, carefully pulling down your mask since not many people are around.

"You could say that," the boy hummed letting you adjust to the place at your own pace, not pressuring you with extra reassessments about how safe it is there. Yet, he is so casual as if he wasn't afraid of a getting mobbed by Dispatch out of the blue. Not that it happened to you a lot of times but you heard stories and at such a crucial time in your career, you feared something like that more than anything.

"Do you want to come up to mine instead?" Seojun blurted out suddenly which made you wide eyed in a span of a moment as you splattered out a surprised yelp. "Come on, I don't mean anything by it. You just look really nervous being in the public," the singer said, his deep voice softening, soothing by the end and you needed to take a breather before answering. You didn't think it was so obvious but apparently you had never been a good liar with him.

In the end, you decided on going over to Seojun's place, so he asked the ahjumma to pack your food to go and you headed towards his flat a few blocks from the company. It was a small but cozy place, much softer and brighter than you expected, lots of pastels and photos of friends and family. While the boy busied himself in the kitchen, getting you plates, chopsticks and beer, you were encouraged to look around and you couldn't help but smile at his photos with not only his band members but high school friends, too. You had seen photos of his graduation with Jugyeong, then another one of his debut with her and another guy. He was a recurring person on a lot of pictures, so you assumed that he was the so-called Suho.

"He's Jugyeong's boyfriend," Seojun affirmed as he walked up to you which you acknowledged with a hum and smiled at his photos with his sister and mother. The makeup artist was right when she said he was only tough on the outside.

"You knew Seyeon?" you whispered as your gaze shifted of a picture of three boys smiling widely into the camera. The middle one was the talented boy you had known from the news of his committed suicide. Such a tragedy.

"Uhum. We were best friends. Him, Suho and me," Seojun nodded and without having to ask, he told you how they had gotten to know each other, what were their favourite past time activities and how they fell apart when he died. You could see he was hurting even now as he was talking about it, so you grazed your fingers against his knuckles as though to say you were there for him to listen, or whatever he needed.

Talking about his best friends and how a group of guys including someone named Chorong stuck by his side over the years warmed your heart. It was nice to know that not everyone had it as lonely as you who basically missed out on high school and memories from that time to be able to turn your dreams into reality. Your only friends were also in the industry but it made things both easier and harder.

"What about you? What did you mean by this being your last chance?" Seojun asked like a loaded gun but after everything he had just told you, you knew you could trust him with this and being in the industry for a while now, he must have understood, too.

You told him about the rising expectations, about your image and your company's ultimatum. It actually felt nice to talk about with someone other than your manager. Especially since Seojun seemed to understand exactly why you felt conflicted over the matter. You have given your youth to this dream of yours, so giving up on it would have felt like betraying yourself and everyone who believed in you but you weren't sure you could give it another 10 years of your life no matter how much you liked music. You had decent CSATs result, maybe you could have applied for a university program. Seojun even offered to arrange a meeting between you and Suho who was studying to become a proper songwriter.

You talked for hours and ate the tteokbokki even though it had gotten cold long ago and you couldn't remember when was the last time you had felt so light. You felt giddy even with just the tiny bit of alcohol in your system by the time you knew it was time for you to go.

Once you had felt relieved knowing that promoting your duet would be only one performance but recently, you started dreading the moment because that meant that you wouldn't have any more excuse to see Seojun. In the backstage, this time around you greeted Jugyeong like an old friend and teased to give Seojun a funny makeup before walking up to your own assigned staff members. Your look was full of sparkles and glow fitting the silver colour of your dress, completing the ethereal vibe off the stage you were going to do and the beautiful song you had grown to love so much you held it close to your heart. The last rehearsals went smoothly and if you noticed Seojun's gaze lingering a bit too long, you didn't comment on it.

"Are you nervous?" he asked before the final recording and you knew it would have been unreasonable to deny it, so you replied with a small smile.

"A bit."

"Don't be. You're pretty and you'll do amazing," he reassured you and the way he said those words oh so easy. As if they were natural. As if he believed in you and maybe this was all the reassurance you needed because when you walked up onto the stage, not taking your eyes off his, it felt like it was just the two of you there. All the stress about not being good enough, about being judged for who you were and what you wanted to do with your life was subsided as you focused on the moment, just to sing this one song with one while trying to fight your heart's crazy beating.

You didn't really have the luxury to have crushes. You had always been concentrated on your work, you couldn't let yourself have distractions, especially since love scandals always affected girl worse than guy. At least that was what you told yourself for always putting up a wall around you and guarding your heart all too well. But during the past few weeks, between playful or flirty remarks, between smiles and ruffling hair, Seojun took apart your wall brick by brick even if he wasn't aware.

So it might have been only a few days since you had last seen him but in that rare moment of boredom, alone in your room, you realized that you missed him. Hell, you liked him and the feeling made me want to scream into your pillow as if you were a silly teenager. As if on cue, your phone buzzed with a new message and seeing the KakaoTalk ID made you shy.

duet partner, han seo jun

so...

i've been thinking

you

sounds dangerous but ok

duet partner, han seo jun

don't get sassy with me, miss

you

what have you been thinking about?

duet partner, han seo jun

that i don't want to miss my chance

there's this girl i like

i thought of asking her out

do you think she would say yes?

you

oh. well... why wouldn't she?

i mean, you are talented, handsome, funny and reliable

duet partner, han seo jun

and what about my job? it's busy and a bit crazy

don't you think it would be unfair of me to ask?

you

I think you should let her decide that

duet partner, han seo jun

okay

are you free on friday?

you

um, sure?

duet partner, han seo jun

cool, then go on a date with me?

#han seo jun x reader #seojun x reader #han seojun #han seo joon #true beauty #stories #i just wanted to give him a happy end after ep16 #that's what this is about

632 notes · View notes

neoculturetravesty · 3 years

Text

He’s never called her pretty

Image taken from here.

Pairing: Doyoung x Florist!Reader Genre: Angst, Romance, Fluff Warnings: Might have dropped a couple of f bombs. Word Count: 4982

Summary: Doyoung has a cruel realization that being an idol has hindered him from being the best boyfriend to you.

A/N: This is my first fic ever, and I can’t really believe I’m doing this. But inspiration hit me and I had to let it all out. Let me know what you think!

“Has he ever even told you you’re pretty?” Doyoung hears through the curtains, and he knows he’s walked in on something he shouldn’t have. He doesn't know how he ended up here but he certainly can’t reveal himself now. He knows he shouldn’t be here but a pressing instinct tells him that the conversation concerns him and suddenly, he’s found himself rooted to the spot, unable to move his feet, sinfully listening in.

Moments ago, he had walked into the venue and for a while, he had just stopped and stared. He had known his girlfriend was talented, but watching her work for the very first time with his own two eyes took his breath away. People would talk about your skills all the time, but somehow, it never registered in his mind. He felt a bout of shame as he realized this. You weren’t just a florist, it seemed. You were an artist, because what Doyoung saw in front of him was unlike anything he had ever seen. That’s why people talked about you.

When an unassuming usher walked up to him and asked if he was a guest, all he could manage was “I’m looking for Y/N.” He had to remind himself that he was here to surprise you and he needed to make himself less conspicuous before someone recognized him. The fact that he was ogling at the decor whilst clutching onto a bouquet of red tulips didn’t help the matter. So he had tried to follow the usher’s instructions as best he could to find you. That’s how he found himself here, hidden behind a veil without meaning to be hidden.

It felt perverse, the fact that he was not letting his presence be known, but curiosity had him unable to walk away. He listened in.

“Well… not in so many words.” Doyoung feels his stomach drop before he hears the reply to the cruel question, because the voice that answered it was a voice that he had memorized perfectly in every part of his mind. It was yours.

He could hear you from miles away, that’s how attuned his ears were to the sound of your voice. He knew it was you that answered that foul question, as much as he stood in that moment, hoping it wasn’t because these were not the words he had ever expected to hear from you.

“How long have you guys been together, again?” He hears another pestering, unkind voice and his heart races.

“Not long, maybe about 5 months?” your voice is meek, Doyoung can sense your discomfort through the thin veil that hides him.

“Have you met his parents?” It’s a different voice this time, but this one is just as unkind. Doyoung wants to move, to say something but he’s not supposed to be here in the first place, and truth be told, he wants to remain hidden because he wants to know.

“Well, no. Not yet. They don’t live here, so not yet.” He can tell you’re cornered, you’re uncomfortable, you want to leave and you don’t have to say the words for Doyoung to know exactly how you feel.

“How about his brother?”

“Well, they’re both really busy, he’s just… never had a chance I guess.” Now, he should do it now. Doyoung should barge in and take you away from this. Who are these women anyway to be cornering you with such invasive questions?

“So you’re saying in the 5 months you’ve been together, he’s kept you a secret… even from his family.” A secret? He hasn’t kept you a secret, he’s just been waiting for the perfect time.

“I don’t think I’m a secret.” Doyoung’s heart leaps in his chest and he suddenly feels hopeful because you’ve said the words as if you heard his thoughts.

“Y/N… I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think he’s going to break up with you.” the unkind voice declares with a tone laced with feigned pity. It makes Doyoung sick.

“Yeah, Sooji is right. Y/N, sweetheart… men don’t wait that long if they’re in it for the long run.”

There is a shuffling of feet and then the first voice says “I’m so sorry, Y/N, but it would be better this way I think. I know men like him. He’s had his fun so now you’re a liability. I think he’s going to cut you off sooner rather than later.”

Doyoung hears the ruffling of clothes and more shuffling of feet before it all turns silent. Yet, he finds himself unmoving, his mind racing, his body still. He notices that he’s holding onto the red tulips a bit too tight. Red tulips. ‘You are my perfect love,’ that’s what he remembers you teaching him about them.

So why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you defend him?

Doyoung can’t explain it, but all he feels in this moment is anger and betrayal. Why did you let those women talk about him like that? To talk about the two of you like that? Why didn’t you speak up and tell them to keep their noses out of your business? Why didn’t you tell them to knock it off because they don’t know about you, about how the two of you were together? Unless…

Unless you believed them.

Had he ever told you that you were pretty? Doyoung thinks, really thinks about it. He thinks back to your first date. You had closed your flower shop early for him, to protect him from prying eyes and unwanted camera lenses. You had turned the blinds on the windows down and showed Doyoung your creations. You had worn a white sundress with your hair down and when you had smiled up at him from behind the sunflowers, Doyoung had actually found himself a loss for words. He had never felt that before, the feeling of losing his speech because a girl had actually taken his breath away, simply by smiling at him. He remembered stupidly wondering if he had fallen in love at that moment or if you were really just that beautiful that you turned his brain to mush. Had he told you that he thought you were pretty then? No, he hadn’t. Not in so many words, your answer replays in his mind with a sting.

But did you want to hear it? Doyoung hadn’t thought so. You were far beyond the need for meaningless expressions, he had presumed. It’s why he was drawn to you. Being with you was as easy as breathing. You were okay about the fact that the two of you couldn’t go on dates… or proper dates, in the way real people did. You always seemed comfortable enough sitting next to him on the couch as you lazily browsed through Netflix. You were never in a mood when Doyoung forgot to text you back because he was in the studio, and you always met him with warmth even as you waited because his practice went on for a bit too long. Doyoung didn’t think you were the kind who’d wait around for her boyfriend to tell her she was pretty.

‘Of course she wanted to hear it,’ Doyoung thinks in a moment of crippling realization. He was a fool. What woman wouldn’t want her boyfriend to tell her she was pretty! What woman wouldn’t want her boyfriend to take her on dates, on proper dates where she could doll up and be pampered? What woman wouldn’t want a boyfriend she could take pictures with and post them for the world to see? He was a fool. He had taken your kindness to mean something else. Comfort. Contentment. Complacence. He was a fool.

And now these women had convinced you that he wasn’t interested in you. And you had believed them. Why else would you have fallen silent? Truth be told, he hadn’t done much to show you what you meant to him. Now that he looks back, it was always you putting in the effort. He was a fool. And now here he was. Hidden quite literally behind a curtain in a room he wasn’t supposed to be in, head in his hands. ‘You are my perfect love,’ the tulips mock him so he drops them. He gets out of there, only one conclusive thought in his brain: ‘She deserves better.’

You loved events like these almost as much as you loved running the store. Your fingers were stained from creating the floral sculptures and your back ached a little. But your heart was happy. You stood back and looked at how you took a simple venue and turned it into something magical, if you might say so yourself. You saw the gleam in your client’s eyes and you felt proud of yourself. You had done well. You took a deep, content breath and let it out in a happy sigh. Decorating for events like these reminded you why you loved your job. What you didn’t like was that inevitably, at times like these, you were met with so many invasive questions.

“You work so much, don’t you get tired, Y/N?”

“Is being a florist really worth it?”

“Don’t you ever want a real job?”

“Are you dating someone, Y/N?”

“I know a guy, I could set you up on a blind date!”

Over the years, you had learnt to tune them out. They didn’t bother you, not really. You were happy in the true sense of the word, and meaningless gossip didn’t change that. You had learnt to work in silence, usually with your Airpods in, letting them out only when your trusted employees came to give you a hand.

You stood in front of your creation one last time, committing it to memory. It had taken you about a week to create all these floral sculptures but now that you stood here looking at the finished product, you felt it was worth it. You spent some more time taking pictures of what you’d made and proudly posted them on your Instagram.

You felt a sense of accomplishment, as one would feel at the end of a project that ended in success. You wanted to celebrate, have this tiring week end in an exhale. And if you asked yourself, there was no one else you wanted to share this happy moment with but Doyoung. You smiled as you thought of him. You realized that your mind somehow sneakingly thought of him every time you felt a surge of joy. Surely, that had to mean something.

He had said he’d meet you today after you were done and the two of you could celebrate together. You were in a happy daze as you went into the changing rooms to get out of your stained clothes and into something prettier. Not even the women that bombarded you with personal questions while you changed could get you out of your blissful state. You swiped some color on your lips and let them throw questions at you. You answered them on autopilot, just to be polite.

When you were ready, you went back to your makeshift workstation at the venue and looked at the leftover flowers. White carnations and anemones, an odd combination, but these are the only ones that remained. You put them together anyway and tied them with a ribbon when you were happy with what you made. Doyoung always appreciated it when you brought him flowers. He had joked how it was supposed to be his job, but what could he do when he was dating a florist. So you did all the bringing of flowers in the relationship. ‘He would surely like these’, you thought to yourself with a stupid grin on your face.

You clutched onto the flowers as you took the bus to your boyfriend’s apartment. You wondered if he had eaten. He had been so busy lately. Maybe you’d get him food when you got there. As you neared his building, you had a sudden bout of self awareness on how you might look. You were dolled up, holding onto a bouquet of flowers, making your way to an idol’s building. You looked so foolishly conspicuous that you almost had to stop to laugh at yourself. You giggled, mentally smacking yourself on the forehead, and took a detour. In your early days, Doyoung had taught you how to get to his building without being seen, because as you would have it, there were always a bunch of people with cameras camped outside, ready to catch a glimpse of him. He had explained this to you so apologetically that your heart had ached for him.

You would never admit it to anyone, but you kind of enjoyed the thrill of taking a roundabout way every time you came to see him. It made you feel like you were the heroin in your very own spy thriller. You took the back door of the next building and made your way to the fire escape, eyes on the landing of Doyoung’s building. The leap over was narrow and you managed it every time without fail.

“Success!” You thought to yourself, as you landed, creeping in the shadows of his building till you were finally inside, keeping one eye on the group of people camped outside. “Don’t catch a cold, guys,” you thought, still grinning to yourself as you finally made your way to his apartment on the fifth floor.

He had told you to let yourself in, so you punched in the code and finally stepped in. “It’s me!” You called out to let yourself be known. You made your way in and saw your boyfriend leaning over the kitchen counter, head bowed over a bowl of something. ‘Good. He’s finally eating’ you thought and walked towards him, giving him a kiss on the cheek “Hi, babe.” you smiled at him, cupping his face from the side.

You could see that he was clenching his jaw a little and the fact that he doesn’t look up from his bowl of porridge makes you wonder if he’s had a tough day. “I got you flowers, let me put them in a vase real quick.” You say, not wanting to push him. Maybe in a while, after he had eaten, you could hold him and ask him if something was the matter.

You turned to grab an empty vase, one you had gotten him, and filled it with water. For a while, the only sounds are the gentle rustling of leaves as you place your arrangement in the vase and Doyoung stirring his porridge. Suddenly, you hear his voice, his tone low. “What do these flowers mean?”

“Hmm…? Oh, these?” you give him a warm smile. Doyoung would ask you this every time you brought him something. So you’d make sure to bring him something new each time. “White carnations generally symbolize innocence and pure love. And these anemones… they symbolize sincerity. Although this little guy is stained a little pink, so it could also mean forsaken love. But it’s not it’s true color, so I’m going to let it slide.” you try to joke to lighten the heaviness you feel in the air.

Doyoung looks pensive, like he’s thinking your explanation over. “Forsaken love.” he repeats, like he’s feeling the weight of the words on his tongue.

“Hmm… but the clients ordered white anemones, I guess this one got a little stained on the way.” you say, trying to keep the tone conversational, but you can feel the air getting tenser, burdening down on the two of you. So you reach out a hand to stroke his hair “Are you okay?” you ask kindly but the words have barely left your lips when Doyoung flinches away and turns to face you.

Your heart drops. Something has changed, that much you can sense, but you’re so confused. “Doyoung?”

He looks impatient, but not with you. You can tell you’ve found him amidst a battle with himself. Like he was working out his thoughts but you walked in and interrupted and now it’s all messed up. “Don’t you ever want a real boyfriend?” he asks suddenly, looking down at you, eyes distant.

“A real boyfriend?” you repeat, looking up at him. You can’t help the concern that shines in your eyes, even if you try to downplay it. You just want to reach out to him but you dare not; not when he’s protecting himself from you.

“A real boyfriend.” He turns the phrase over. “Someone who wouldn’t hide you like he’s ashamed of you.” There is venom in his tone now.

“But you’re not ashamed of me, Doyoung.” You say his name, wanting him to hear you pronounce it with love and kindness. “You’re not hiding me because you’re ashamed of me. You’re hiding me to protect me.”

He scoffs then, looking away and places his hands on his waist. Like you’ve said the most ridiculous thing in the world. “Doesn’t it make you worry that you haven’t even met my family yet?”

You take a step closer to him but he moves away and your heart aches once again. You can’t help the hurt you feel. ‘But that’s what he wants.’ You have to tell yourself ‘He’s trying to hurt me because he’s hurting.’

“Do you want me to meet your family, Doyoung?” You ask carefully, saying his name once again, this time to anchor yourself. You never could say his name with disdain.

Doyoung laughs. It’s cold, the way he stands there to mock you. But you know him too well. He’s trying to be cruel, to block you out, and a strange part of you wants to know how long he can keep this facade up. “Wake up, Y/N. Don’t you think that if I wanted you to meet my family, it would’ve happened already?”

You look up at him and this time, you can’t hide the confusion that contorts your face. You were trying to be patient with him, trying to keep your calm and kindness while he spat venom at you. You knew he was hurting. You just wished you knew what brought this on. “Doyoung… what’s wrong? Can you please tell me what’s wrong?” You walk towards him, wanting nothing more than to close the gap between the two of you.

“Don’t you think that if I wanted to keep you, I would’ve… I would’ve… Y/N, don’t come any closer.” He blocks with his forearms as you reach for his face, turning his body away from you.

“Doyoung, look at me, please. Please.” You gently plead, still reaching out for his face while he blocks you and keeps moving away.

“Haven’t you wondered why I’ve never taken you out on a date? Why I’ve never been the one to bring you flowers? Why I’ve never stayed the night in your bed? Why I’ve never kept any sign of you in my room? Why I’ve never introduced you to my family?” He’s spitting at you now with his words, one sting after another, but you’re fighting back. You’re still reaching for him and he’s still moving away, he’s still blocking you, he’s still protecting himself. But you can see his walls faltering, you hear the tremors in his voice.

“Doyoung, please, just let me--”

“--Y/N, have I ever even told you you were pretty?” At that, relief washes over you as you finally understand what’s up. Those women. Had they tried to corrupt his mind as they had tried to corrupt yours?

“Don’t you see it, Y/N? I don’t wanna be with you, I don’t wanna be…” he’s breaking now, and you can tell he doesn’t have the energy to keep it up any longer because his lies end in a sob and he’s doubling over, like he can’t hold himself up anymore.

And so you hold him. You put your arms around his neck and kiss him on the cheek “Doyoung. It’s okay. Baby, it’s okay.” You kiss his cheekbone, you kiss his jawline, you take his face in your palms and make him look at you. You press a gentle kiss on his lips.

“It’s not okay.” He croaks, his chest heaving from the sobs.

“Shhh… baby, breathe.” You coo at him, standing on your tiptoes to kiss his forehead, combing his hair away from his face with your fingers. You kiss his cheek and then his lips tenderly, once, twice and a third time. You pull back to look at him.

He falls into you then, burying his face in the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry…” he sobs, and there is such sincerity in his voice that your heart breaks into a thousand pieces. You never wanted to see him like this.

You turn your head and keep pressing kisses to his temple while he remains buried in your neck. “Shhh, baby. I’m here. I’m right here.” You cradle the back of his head, run your hands across his back to soothe him till he calms.

He takes a deep breath and straightens, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand “I’m sorry.” He says again and you coo at him once more, shushing him, kissing him on the lips.

“You’re so cold.” You rub his shoulders as you notice him shivering. “Come, let’s get you to bed and warm you up.” He doesn’t protest as you take his hand and lead him to his room.

The house was quiet today and that told you no one was around. Doyoung’s room was as well kept as ever and you smiled as you saw the plant you had given him alive and thriving on his windowsill. ‘No sign of you in my room’ you scoff internally as his words play over in your mind. Doyoung was so bad at lying. You dimmed his lights and got into his bed, lifting the covers for him. “Come here.” You invite him in.

He obeys this time, like he doesn’t have the energy to fight anymore. He gets in, placing his head on your chest, throws an arm around your waist and a leg over your legs. You encircle him in your embrace. ‘He wants to be held.’ You thought and so you held him tight. Like you were trying to take his pain away. You tucked the covers around him, cocooning him in as he clung to you. You stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head over and over, wanting to let him know that he was loved. But you knew that soon you’d have to use your words.

So you took his hand in yours and pressed a kiss to the back of it before you said “I love you, Doyoung. So much. You’ve given me your heart. Don’t you know that’s enough?” But as soon as the words leave your mouth, you wish you hadn’t said them, at least not now, because a fresh pool of tears run down his eyes. You wipe them away with your thumb and kiss the top of his head, tucking it under your chin.

“It’s not enough.” He sniffles. “I can’t give you what another man can give you, Y/N. I can’t hold your hand and walk you home because I’d be worried someone with cameras would follow me. I can’t pick you up after work and take you to the movies because what if someone recognizes me. Fuck, I can’t even let you into my home by the front door. I have to make you jump between buildings and risk your safety like that because I’m such a selfish man and I need you. You don’t deserve any of this.”

Your poor, sweet boy. You press a palm to his forehead “I had no idea you had so many worries in this head of yours.” You muse, a smile in your voice.

“Any other man would show you off so proudly. He would take pictures with you and post them for the world to see. He would take you out to dinner, he would kiss you without fear of getting caught. He would visit you when you had an important day to cheer you on. I haven’t given you any of that. I can’t give you any of that. Do you know I didn’t even know how good you were at what you did until today? Because I can’t just show up to support you. It’s always you making all the effort. You’re the one that has to change your plans according to my schedule. You’re the one that has to come to me all the time. You’re the one that has to plan all our dates. You don’t deserve any of this.” There is so much regret in his voice, so much sadness that suddenly, you’re a bit irked. None of that means anything to you, so why is he feeling that way?

You frown at him now “Doyoung. What makes you think I want any of that? Do you think I’d be with you if that’s the life I wanted? If that was the kind of relationship I wanted?” you try to lift his chin to make him see your face so he knows your words are true.

He looks at you sadly then shakes his head “You shouldn’t have to settle, Y/N. Just because I can’t give you these things doesn’t mean you have to stop yourself from wanting them.”

You’re getting impatient now. Why doesn’t he get it? How could you possibly make him understand? You’ll just have to use your words. You sit up and pull him up with you so you could look at his face when you talked.

“Listen, you sweet, stupid, broody boy.” You smack him lightly on the head. “I don’t want any of that. I’ve never been one to like any of that. I don’t want a boyfriend that’s worried about performative grand gestures all the time. I hate that, and I know you know that about me. I don’t want fancy dates, I don’t want to post our pictures all over the internet. I never did that with any of my other relationships!” Doyoung makes a face when you mention this part, but you continue, “This,” you hold his hand in both of yours, “This is what I want. Just to sit next to you. To watch movies together cuddled on your couch. To come to see you at the end of the day and know you’ll be waiting for me. To sit together and talk about our day. To cook together and have Taeyong make fun of our failed attempts. To hold your hand and just… exist with you. This. This is what I want. Don’t you think that if I wanted something else I would have asked?” You didn’t expect it, but you are irritated at him. This was rare… this was something you hadn’t felt toward him before.

Doyoung’s expression has softened as he looks at you. He sighs “You have to bear so much because of me. I know people ask you questions. People wonder why you’re with me. They make assumptions about you. They spread rumours about you. You shouldn’t have to go through any of that.”

“Doyoung.” You say, and this time, he’s hurt your pride a little. He has underestimated you. So your voice is serious “Do you think that I’d be with you if I didn’t have an amount of determination? Do you think I lead my life worrying about what people say about me?”

He smiles then, a real smile, an amused smile and he leans over to stroke your head. “That you are. Determined and strong.” He tilts his head and kisses you and you kiss him back.

You pull back but keep his face in your palms. “Please don’t let other people’s opinions affect you, Doyoung. You know I love you. You know I am the happiest I’ve ever been. Who cares what other people say about us?”

He pulls you into his chest and holds you and lets out a deep exhale, like he was holding his breath this entire time and now the worst is past. He holds you contentedly, like he finally believes you are his for the keeping. He holds you like a relief and he can’t stop the swell of happiness in his chest or the smile that keeps growing on his lips. “What have I done to deserve a woman like you?”

“You must have been a saint in your past life. But for now, you can feed me. I’ve had a long day and all I want to do now is carb-load on Chinese takeout that my boyfriend will buy me.” You pout at him, narrowing your eyes.

He kisses the tip of your nose and says “I’ll get you everything on the menu.”

“That’s the spirit.” You pat his chest twice and get up “You make the order, I’ll go set the table.” You say, starting to move to the kitchen but Doyoung grabs your wrist to stop you.

“Y/N…” he says and stands up, making you turn around to face him. He comes closer and suddenly, your heart flutters. He tucks your hair behind your ears and looks at you so tenderly, you feel like your legs have turned to jelly.

“You are so beautiful.” he says in a voice barely above a whisper but it washes over your body like a thrilling chill first, followed by the warmth of spring sunshine. It’s stupid, the way you’re blushing like you were a silly teenager and you can’t possibly stop the grin that’s making it’s way on your face. Your eyes are sparkling as they look into Doyoung’s sincere ones. So this is how it felt. Maybe having your boyfriend tell you you were pretty wasn’t overrated after all.

814 notes · View notes

thyandrawrites · 2 years

Note

about your answer to the touya ending ask: this is what happens when ppl write mature themes in a immature story. like i dont think bnha is inherently bad but it should have stayed as a simple silly slice of life manga with some battle shonen elements in it. in practice hori cant go too deep with the narrative of the todofam drama without alienating his audience, so we're probably stuck with a "everything is solved and everybody is good and happy" ending.

Hi! you make a good point, but I agree and disagree with it. While I do agree that heavy-handed talk about abuse and trauma is too much for a battle shounen series (and is typically more of a subject matter for seinen), I also think that Horikoshi could've had some more serious topics even without cheapening them like he did.

I think all my major issues with the todofam plot stem from Horikoshi's decision to backtrack with his original set up. Say, if Endvr never became a pov character but stayed the black and white shitty father he was at the beginning, notably filtered through Shouto's pov, we could've had a much better Todofam resolution that didn't involve half of the nonsense that we got instead.

Let's think about it for a second: bnha has a huge amount of characters who have in one way or another been let down or screwed over by their parents. Like, an insane amount. More than most series I've read, and that includes seinen. And in all cases where there's abuse involved (with the sole notable exception of Endvr), the pov we get is that of the victim. Even when Horikoshi goes out of his way to portray how the abuser came to become who they are when they hurt their children (see Kotaro, see Chisaki), the narrative still frames them as the bad guy, cuts them zero slack, and then dishes out narrative punishment. Kotaro was never said to have been "blinded" by his abandonment issues. In fact, despite the sympathy we might've felt for him when we learned why he hates heroes so much, we are also reminded within a few pages (via his family confronting him for hitting Tenko) that Kotaro is still a vile person for taking it out on his son, and that such behaviour is not forgivable. Similarly, Chisaki projected his self-hatred and abandonment issues onto Eri and scapegoated her for it, but everyone still saw him as just an abuser, and in fact, his victim joined sides with the heroes to turn against him and give him the punishment he deserved.

All of this to say: Horikoshi knows how to write narratives of abuse without belittling the victim's pain to humanize the abuser instead. He did it twice. Endvr simply got off easy because he's a hero and thus cannot be "bad." If anything, I'd say that the one thing that's plucking Horikoshi's wings is the idea itself that heroes can do no wrong, ever.

In that sense, I do believe he has written himself into a corner: if he hadn't been pushing so strongly for the idea that heroes never suffer consequences, he could've actually followed up on all the social injustice he keeps peppering into the story. My idea is that Horikoshi himself matured as a writer as he was still planning out the series. So certain things he didn't expect to become major themes did, and now he doesn't know what to do with them. He's in that awkward place of needing to wrap up arcs that require change, but he simply doesn't have the foundations to pull off that change smoothly because he never expected to get where he is. So we have for example Shigaraki picturing that Deku will save him even if these two have had maybe 10 whole panels together and there is virtually no reason for Shigaraki to have warmed up to the idea of trusting heroes overnight. And because the series insists that heroes are good, and since the MC never really matured from his blind idolization of them, Shigaraki will likely abandon his nihilism in favor of idolizing them again too before the series wraps up.

It's a shame, really, because I do think Horikoshi writes the flaws of this superhuman society really well. I wish he'd gone into this with a more solid plan of what he wanted to get out of this story, though

#ali replies #bnha

47 notes · View notes

leejungchans · 3 years

Text

— our first snow.

word count: 2.2k

pairing: dino (svt) x idol!oc (juliet)

warning(s): mentions of cyberbullying, allusions to stalking (dispatch yucky), mentions of the toxic/dark side of the kpop industry

genre: mostly fluff; slight angst (about idol life); crushes-to-lovers; idol au

notes: can be read as a standalone but you can refer to juliet’s masterlist for more info on her!! there may be some weather inaccuracies in this ahskhwjs please don’t be mad 😭 i live somewhere that never snows :(

summary: a confession is made during the first snowfall of 2021.

a/n: thank you to the anon who suggested a cute dino/juliet scenario 🥺💖 i hope you like this!!! thank you all for reading and have a nice day!!

Winter in Seoul is beautiful.

Even though she’s been living in Korea for six, almost seven years, Juliet thinks she can never get tired of seeing snow. Something about it is just so utterly magical and charming, like being in a Christmas card. Sure, it’s freezing and the snow sticks to everything—her hair, parka, boots, even her lashes, but it’s still one of her favourite things about living in Seoul as it’s something she wouldn’t be able to experience back home in Sydney.

Juliet still remembers the first time she saw snow the year she moved to Korea and how transfixed she had been. Upon learning about this, Yeri, the first friend she made at her former company, immediately dragged her out to the sidewalk where snow elegantly floated down from the sky and would eventually envelop Seoul in a pristine white blanket.

Though, she supposes that at the moment, they’re experiencing more of a snowstorm than a snowfall. By the time she gets back to the dorm, her black parka will probably turn white from all the snow sticking to it. She wonders what her members are doing, if they’re also enjoying the snow or staying inside to shield themselves from the biting cold.

A particularly strong gust of wind blows the hood of Juliet’s parka off her head, causing snow to immediately start landing on her newly-dyed purple hair. A gloved hand instantly reaches up to tug the hood snuggly back into place.

The female idol turns to her companion and smiles, even though he can only see her eyes due to the both of them wearing black masks, but she hopes he notices her eye-smile anyways. “Thanks, Channie.”

Juliet watches Chan’s eyes curve into crescents, and she knows he’s also grinning behind his mask. They’re always so sparkly, she thinks, like they hold the entire universe in them.

“C’mon,” he says softly, “the snow’s getting heavier, better get you home before we’re both stranded out here.” Juliet doesn’t tell him, but she wouldn’t exactly complain even if they do get stranded as along as she’s with him.

Here being a mostly empty street with only the dim lights from the street lamps and the occasional passerby to keep them company. The passerby’s don’t pay them any attention either as they walk briskly in an attempt to get out of the snowstorm as quickly as possible. They did pass a few small groups of people who came outside to enjoy the first snow of the year, but those people too occupied with making snowmen and taking photos to notice that they had crossed paths with two idols.

Despite the late hour, Juliet doesn’t want to go home. At least, not yet. She knows she should be back by now, a few award shows are scheduled for the end of the month, not to mention ATEEZ’s upcoming projects and appearances, so she needs all the sleep she can get to keep up with the practising. Chan definitely also needs the rest, yet he insists on walking her back to her dorm after their late night out before going back to his.

Juliet knows they’re both physically exhausted from their hectic lifestyles, but it is the unspoken knowledge that this is the only time of the day they have for themselves, truly just themselves, that make them want to stay out longer to retain a sense of normalcy. Over the years, she’s learnt to cherish the short-lived moments away from the cameras and prying eyes.

It’s knowing this that causes her to deliberately slow down her walking pace, because she wants just a little more time where she is simply Baek Minyoung instead of Juliet from ATEEZ, spending time with her friend Lee Chan and not Dino from SEVENTEEN.

Juliet has always believed that she is someone who warms up to people slowly with the exception of her members. But then Chan came into her life and effortlessly wove himself into the seams of her heart in a blink of an eye.

She thought they’d just be friends, she really did, until she found herself falling for the energetic boy with a heart of gold after a few secret outings much like this one. Before either of them knew it, their friendship had morphed into something more, though neither dared to make a move. After all, they know how fragile idol relationships can be in their industry—interfering companies, invasions of privacy, the slew of hateful comments that every idol couple cannot escape...

There were many nights where Juliet stayed up late thinking if it was easier to stay friends than to take the next step. Idol friendships, even opposite-sex ones, typically last longer and are met with less scrutiny, after all.

In those times, she also found herself wondering what her life would’ve been if she never came to Seoul and became an idol. She never thought that at one point in her life, getting a coffee or grabbing lunch with friends without having people shove their phones in your face would be a luxury, but here she is.

But if she never came to Seoul, she never would’ve met her members, the kind staff members who treat her like a younger sister or daughter, the amazing friends she met along the journey of becoming an idol...

She also wouldn’t have met Chan, so there’s that.

She once asked him during a phone call last year how he and his members cope with all the downsides that come with being an idol.

“It’s a learning process every day, I think,” he says thoughtfully. “But in general, I try to tell myself that even though bad things happen, there’s still a lot of good that outweighs the bad...I get to meet amazing people and do what I love for a living...These things are what I will cherish forever, the bad things won’t last forever, and it doesn’t do me any good to lose myself in them instead of the good.”

Juliet thinks about that a lot. Not that he has to know, or he’ll never let her live it down.

“—say about the first snow?”

Chan turns to face her with confusion written across his face from a lack of response. She blinks blankly at him. “What?”

He shoots her a look of mock exasperation. “Were you seriously not listening to anything I was saying?” he whines.

“Sorry, I spaced out!”

“I’m not going to be friends with you if you keep ignoring me like this!”

Before the boy has time to react, Juliet grabs a handful of snow from the ground and launches it at his face. He splutters for a moment, brushing off the flakes from his mask as she cackles, but her glee doesn’t last long when he reaches for a larger handful of snow.

Juliet shrieks and jogs away from Chan, which isn’t as easy as she thought given that her feet keep sinking into the layer of snow. “Wait, wait! Stop! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

“You have to keep it down,” he laughs, gently tossing the snow back onto the ground, “we can’t be out here screaming and drawing Dispatch’s attention.” His tone is light and teasing, but the mention of the news—no, gossip—outlet makes her wrinkle her nose in distaste.

Though she can’t help but find it funny that if someone from Dispatch is actually currently following them—and she hopes they’re not because, hello? What happened to privacy and human decency?—all they’d get would be footage of them throwing snow at each other.

“You’re right,” Juliet says as they continue walking, “let’s not give them more business. What were you saying earlier, by the way?”

“I asked if you know what people here say about the first snow.”

Of course she does. Even if it has never been brought up in the dramas or movies she watched, her friends outside the industry have certainly gushed about the symbolism.

“No, not really,” she replies, feigning innocence. Playing dumb is fun, especially when you can also play the ‘foreigner card’ to back yourself up.

“It’s said that any lie you tell on the day of the first snowfall will be forgiven, and that any wish you make will be granted.”

Juliet frowns. “I thought that was for the first snowfall of the season, not the year. So technically, today’s not the first snow.”

Chan’s mouth drops open in a large ‘O’. “I thought you said you don’t know much about the first snow,” he accuses before shoving her lightly.

“Ah-ah-ah, you can’t be mad at me! You said any lie told today will be forgiven!”

“You’re the one who said today doesn’t count!”

“Okay,” Juliet relents, “this can be our thing, then. We can have two first snows each year.”

He laughs, and she can’t help but admire the sound of it. It’s just so contagious and never fails to put her in a good mood. “Deal.”

They keep walking until her building is in view. Admittedly, it’s a risky move to have him walk her all the way to the building’s entrance, as it’s known that people tend to wait outside idols’ dorms hoping to catch a glimpse of them, but Chan insisted that he didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of her walking alone in the dark at this hour.

“You know what else people say about the first snow?” Chan’s voice loses its usual playful edge. Instead, it sounds far softer and might’ve even betrayed a sense of nervousness.

Juliet doesn’t respond, but she turns to face his side profile to assure him that she’s listening. He keeps looking down at the ground, so she decides to silently admire the straight slope of his nose and the sharp angle of his jawline.

“People say that if you confess to someone during the first snow, you’ll stay together for a long time.”

“Is this your way of saying that you want to be with me for a long time?” she teases, but her grin drops when Chan looks at her with a solemn expression. “Oh. Oh. You’re being serious.”

He huffs out a quiet laugh at her wide eyes. “I know we’ve talked about this before, but what would you say if I told you I want to be with you? Officially, I mean.”

What would she say? A million thoughts are running through her mind, and she feels as though she’s been struck by lightning. How would the boys react? Their second year since debut was only a few months ago, would they think it’s too early? Would they be upset with her? Should she tell her company or let them find out? Would they tell her to break it off if they knew?

What if they break up? Will they still stay friends after that? Idol relationships can crumble easily given the nature of the industry and its habit of selling the fantasy of idols being ‘available’. Ten fingers wouldn’t be enough to count all the couples who broke up due to the pressures that come with this job—hectic schedules, obsessive fans, meddling companies, cyberbullying, the list can go on forever.

Is it worth it to take the risk when there seems to be a million reasons suggesting that it’d be better to stay friends?

But what does she want? Does she want to live basing every decision off of appeasing people who only know her from what they see on a screen?

Or does she want to live unapologetically with the people she loves and cares about, even if she has to risk her reputation and image simply for being happy?

Her answer couldn’t be clearer.

“I’d say that I’d like that a lot. Unless you’re secretly playing a prank on me.”

To say that Chan is flooded with relief would be a massive understatement. “You scared me!” he whines as he clutches his heart. “You weren’t saying anything for so long and I thought you were thinking about how to reject me!”

“I’m sorry,” Juliet giggles, eyes shining up at him. “Forgive me?”

A dramatic, reluctant sigh. “I guess I can make an exception for you,” he finally says.

Despite their masks hiding most of their faces, their eye-smiles tell the other just how happy they both are.

Deep down, Juliet knows that a simple snowfall cannot guarantee a fulfilling, long-lasting relationship. Perhaps a few years later, or even shorter if they’re unlucky, they may find themselves dealing with imminent heartbreak and separation.

But when her gloved hand—gloves courtesy of Chan because he somehow knew she’d forget her own— reaches for his, interlacing naturally as though they’ve done it a hundred times prior to today, she hopes that the universe will grant her silent wish that they can stay like this for a long, long time; that no matter how much they and their environments may change, they will still be able to find happiness and comfort within each other. She thinks it’ll come true.

After all, it is the first snow. Their first snow.

— bonus!!

a/n: eeeeeeeeppppp ngl this is,,,kinda cute if i do say so myself ;-; and yes this is also indulging my wish to have a cute boy (preferably park seonghwa or lee chan) confess to me on a snowy day ahdjhwjs 😔 again, thank you for reading and take care!!

feedback is always and highly appreciated!! whether it’s a reblog, a reply, or a short ask, it would mean the world to me 🥺💗 and remember that you are more than welcome to chat with me about anything in my asks!!

79 notes · View notes

nostalgiaruinedme · 3 years

Note

Oooooooo your TMNT au/adaption looks super cool!!! Mind if I ask for details on your design process? (Like how you decided on their species and junk)

OHH I WILL GLADLY TALK ABOUT THIS thank you so much for this ask, this is gonna be fun

I’ve got a lot to talk about so it’ll be under the cut

Donatello

Donnie's was actually the first turtle I designed because I already had a clear idea in my mind of his personality. He's an inventor but he's also an adventurer, and that adventurer/explorer kind of aesthetic was a major inspiration for his design. It’s also just one of my favorite aesthetics in general and I collect vintage globes, journals, and other random shit that looks like this irl so 😭 using that as inspiration for Donnie was a lot of fun.

So anyways, because of that, I wanted a turtle that was a shade of brown or tan instead of green to match that kind of color palette. But at the same time... I also wanted to highlight that he’s really outgoing and friendly and use some bright colors. This was a little difficult to balance but I eventually narrowed it down to these three choices.

(From left to right: Japanese Pond Turtle, Bog Turtle, False Map Turtle)

I took off the false map turtle pretty quickly since I didn’t wanna use stripes on him. I liked the Japanese pond turtle’s shell better, but the orange splotches on the bog turtle’s face did it for me- I thought it’d look like a blush almost??? It looks cute and friendly and so that worked out well for Donnie!

And then when I got to actually drawing him, I started off with a heart. The lower half of his face and the top of his mask make a heart and that was really really important to me to emphasize!!! Donnie is excited and loving and happy and curious and a bit of a trouble maker, but he never means any harm. He just wants to learn about everything.

Now this was all great for Donnie... but the purple doesn’t look that good on it and that upset me, and I considered scrapping everything to give him a look that the purple would look good on.

But then I realized him adorning himself with his favorite color that COMPLETELY clashes with the rest of his look was pretty in character, not to mention he didn’t choose to have orange splotches everywhere, there’s no reason that’s gotta dictate everything else. His mask kinda looks out of place with the rest of his design but... I like that. It’s in character for him. The only thing I wanna change about his design later on would be to give him some shorts like Leo.

Speaking of which... moving on to Leonardo!

Leonardo

Leo’s design was a bit more abstract in my head than Donnie’s was. But here’s a secret: while a huge portion of his character came from me projecting onto him (his lack of communication skills, forcing himself to learn them, and his escape in writing)... he was also inspired a LOT by Near from Death Note

Fun fact about me but I’ve been a huge fan of Death Note for six years and I still firmly believe it’s one of the greatest stories in existence; I’ve NEVER read or seen a book or show that has a better plot with as many unexpected yet perfectly reasonable twists. I’m also a huge fan of the character designs as well and as a writer, I really idolize the whole story and it’s something that’s influenced my writing since I was 13.

So Leo’s design and character are also inspired by Near’s quick thinking and genius planning, but lack of willingness to share those plans. He’s also very dependent on those around him and while Leo’s isn’t that severe, he seems a lot more independent than he actually is and really needs his family around or he’ll fall apart... but he’s also pretty emotionally closed off.

All of this led me to really wanting him to have a pastel blue versus his usual dark blue mask, as well as pale blue-gray eyes (the white on his mask actually didn’t originate from this inspiration though; I had decided I wanted all four of them to have their masks fade to either white or black way before). The hood was also important to add since it’s something he can hide behind and it’s a physically barrier from the rest of the world. Leo likes to keep to himself and stay in his mind.

Now onto his species. I had known I wanted his color palatte to be a lot paler and/or duller than his brothers, and that led me to these options.

(From left to right: Mud Turtle, Desert Box Turtle)

This was a close call but I liked the design on the mud turtle’s shell more, and the stripes on its face gave me a chance to give a tribute to rise Leo’s design!

and finally, we’ve got the twins

Raphael and Michelangelo

In all honesty, I didn’t have as much planned for these two as Leo and Donnie... I had their personalities more planned out (their characters are based off of my little sister and little brother, respectively), but barely anything for looks. All I knew was that I had to find something that balanced both their introverted and extroverted, closed off and open, angry and happy personalities. I wanted some bright colors but also wanted to make sure they were green, since by this point I already knew Leo and Donnie were going to be brown and I wanted at least one or two of them to keep the classic TMNT “green team” look.

(From left to right: Top row - Eastern Painted Turtle, Spotted Turtle

Bottom row - Common Musk Turtle, Eastern River Cooter)

I crossed off the Common Musk Turtle and the Eastern River Cooter pretty quickly since I just preferred the top two better. But then I chose the painted turtle! The reddish-orange outlines on the shell and plastron seemed like a nice fit for Raph and Mikey since it mixed their colors, and I could make one slightly more red and another more orange too.

But then, just as I was finished with Raph’s outline, I added spots at the last second. So we went with the spotted turtle instead, gave Mikey a few extra spots and Raph a scar, and I think it turned out pretty nicely.

Then onto their knee and elbow pads and shin guards... I wanted something more unique to them to set their looks apart from Leo and Donnie. They’re the youngest and often rush out into danger (and Raph especially lacks the need to protect himself) so giving them some extra safety precautions seemed like it’d fit them. It also gave me a chance to give them matching gear and emphasize the “twin” aspect.

But I also changed it up a little bit on each of them (Mikey’s elbow and knee padding wraps covers more skin than Raph’s do, and he also has more wrapping in general than Raph’s and they’re different shades of brown). So hopefully I was able to balance their similarities and differences well enough.

So yeah!! That was more or less my thought process on all of them. Hopefully that was mildly entertaining to read pff

Thanks again for this ask, this was a lot of fun <3

#tmnt #tmnt au #Megverse TMNT #teenage mutant ninja turtles #asks

15 notes · View notes

fallinnflower · 4 years

Text

pretty baby

jeonghan x reader (established relationship, non-idol!au)

a/n: this fic is a part of the intimacy anthology project.

warnings: mentions of insecurity, jealousy, petty coworkers with snide remarks, and implied mature content

Being with someone like Yoon Jeonghan wasn't easy. His ethereally good looks could make it impossible to feel like you were up to his standards — or, rather, the standards imposed upon you by being with someone as beautiful as him. Pretty people were supposed to be with other pretty people, right?

Although nobody ever said anything explicitly, there were always the subtle jabs, the little comments meant to stick like thorns in your side — things you tried to ignore but piled up over time. Airing out your dirty laundry was never your strong suit, and so you just pushed it all further into a darkened corner, hoping one day it would just disappear.

Of course, things don't just vanish into thin air, not even emotions. In fact, if anything, they halve like cells and reproduce, over and over and over until the mole hill is a mountain you can't even attempt to move.

Usually, you can convince yourself things are fine, you can get over your insecurities and issues on your own.

And then, there are the days where everything just feels, well, yucky. When no amount of your favorite things can keep a smile on your face, and faking one feels like far too much work. Those days that creep up on you and bury you under their weight.

It's the end of a week that's felt incredibly long, with seemingly unending gray skies and a workload that just keeps piling up so that it feels like it won't ever get done.

The day started with the zipper on your favorite pair of jeans busting, leaving you scrambling to get ready in time for work. Throughout the day you feel sluggish and yet hyper-aware of every little flaw about you — the frizz of your hair, the discoloration on your face, everything. And you can't shake the feeling that other people are noticing it, too, picking you apart behind your back.

Your worst fears come to life around lunchtime, when one of your coworkers rolls her desk chair over to your side.

“Y/N, who’s this guy on your Instagram? He’s stunning.” Her motive is instantly clear to you, and there’s a bitter taste in your mouth as you force yourself to smile politely at her.

“Ah, that’s my boyfriend, Jeonghan.” You swear you see anger flash in her eyes for a second before she goes back to looking at your post. She surveys the photos you’d posted of Jeonghan on your date this past weekend with a mixture of jealousy and clear admiration for your boyfriend’s good looks. On a good day, you might feel yourself swelling with pride at someone noticing his ethereally good looks — hell, you’d probably be boasting — but today her words only make you feel smaller.

A couple of your coworkers, returning from the break room with their lunches and fresh coffees in hand, stop by your desk to see what the fuss is about, peering over the shoulders of your coworker in her rolling chair. Even though it’s your desk, you somehow feel like an intruder as your three officemates gather in your space. One of them lifts their gaze from the phone, eyes slightly narrowed and gaze sharp as they very obviously give you a once-over. You feel as though you’re frozen solid beneath their gaze, your grip on the pen in your hand tightening like your throat. The third coworker doesn’t even bother to look up at you,

“Wow, I had no idea your boyfriend was so attractive, Y/N. How’d you get so lucky, hm?” The one with the sharp gaze cocks their head to the side, leaning their weight back onto one foot, hip jutting out sharply into your space.

“Yeah, Y/N, how did you get so lucky?”

You can feel your face heating up, and wonder if you’ve misheard them — did they mean to put the emphasis on you? You lick your lips nervously and let out a laugh, smoothing down your hair self-consciously. Suddenly, you can’t bear to look at them anymore, and so you shrug and turn back to your paperwork.

“I’m not sure,” you say, trying to keep the atmosphere light. “I suppose it’s just that — luck.” You’re aware of the three pairs of eyes on you, but you don’t dare look up, even as you hear one of them huff slightly in annoyance at your answer.

“Maybe you should share some of that luck with the rest of us, then,” someone laughs, and you feel the sharpness in each of their words. On any other day, you’d probably just square your shoulders and joke right back — you’re accustomed to the petty games some of your coworkers enjoy playing, having worked here long enough — but today you feel as though your skin is no thicker than a rubber balloon, and their barbed words have you deflating rapidly.

“Maybe,” you reply, far too quietly. You don’t bother looking up at them, forcing yourself to keep filling in the blanks on your paperwork, trying to keep the shaking of your hand from being noticeable. Eventually, probably tired of your meek responses, the trio finally leaves; as you hear the chair finally rolling away, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.

Your phone lights up with a reminder that you should take your lunch break, and with it comes Jeonghan’s smiling face on your lockscreen. His hair slightly ruffled by the wind, his eyes curved into happy half moons as he holds his coffee in one hand and your own hand in the other, looking back at you as you walked down the path framed with cherry blossoms. His hair had been blond then, and the pinks and whites behind him made him seem all the more ethereal.

You stare at the screen until the notification disappears, plunging the image into blackness, and bite down hard onto your bottom lip. Your words from earlier echo in your ears, leaving your heart feeling heavier by the second.

I suppose it’s just that — luck.

After all, why else would someone as beautiful as Jeonghan want to be with someone as plain and difficult as you?

You can’t find another reason, much less so when you spend far too long standing in front of the sink rubbing the soap on your hands as you stare into your own face in the mirror. You don’t think you’ve ever hated the thought of being lucky more in your life.

By the time you drag yourself home, you're quite aware that you've had far better days. You feel miserable, your head stuck up in those rain clouds overhead, trudging up the stairs and into your apartment.

You're so caught up in your own downward spiral that you hardly notice the second pair of shoes by the door, only fully realizing Jeonghan is home when you hear the sound of sizzling from the kitchen.

"Baby?" Jeonghan calls, his delicate voice carrying over the sound of his cooking straight to you. You feel like your tongue is lead in your mouth as you hang your raincoat on the coat rack by the door,

"Hey."

There must be something in the tone of your voice, despite how hard you try to hide it, that alerts Jeonghan to a change in your mood, because you find him peering out of the kitchen to catch the first sight of you he can. His brows are puckered in concern, and somehow seeing him — hair out of place, standing in a hot kitchen and still looking impeccable — makes you feel like you're going to cry. You tighten your jaw, trying to will the tears to go back where they came from, but before you can Jeonghan has turned off the burner.

"What's wrong?" He walks out of the kitchen to meet you in the hallway, wrapping you tenderly in his embrace; softly, as though you're delicate, breakable. You wonder if that's how you look to him now.

You shake your head, looking down.

"Nothing," you say, snaking your arms up around his shoulders. For a moment, you allow yourself to melt into his arms, but it only causes your chest to tighten further. As you feel the tears building you pull away from Jeonghan, letting out a watery chuckle.

"Just— work, you know?" Jeonghan lets you step away, but not far from him. His hands continue to seek you out, one ghosting across your forehead and down the side of your face to brush any stray hairs away that may be hiding your expression from him. It isn’t fully a lie, but you know that he can read you like a book, and lying while looking into his eyes is a skill you don’t think you’ll e

"Are you sure?" The softness of his tone makes the tears well up in your eyes, and Jeonghan puts an arm around your waist. He leads you to the couch, sitting you down and grabbing the box of tissues from the coffee table just in time for the waterworks.

To his credit, he does just let you cry it out for a bit, which you hadn't quite realized you needed so badly. He opens his arms to you, offering you his shoulder to quite literally cry on until you finally feel capable of talking.

"What's been going on outside of work?" He asks delicately, rubbing comforting circles into your back. You avert your gaze with a sniffle, thinking on the knot of emotions currently residing in your stomach. It suddenly feels impossible to even get to the root of it all, but you clear your throaty and try.

"I just feel down." He hums in response, his hand still on your back.

"What about?"

There's a long pause during which you try to think of how to say what exactly is at the core of what's wrong. In the end, all you can manage is a feeble,

"Myself."

Jeonghan seems almost equally as upset as you, but far more confused than he was when you first came home.

"Why do you feel bad about yourself? Did someone say something? Was it someone at work?" You shake your head rapidly, but it only takes Jeonghan giving you a particularly searching look to finally get you to spit out what's really on your mind. You sigh,

“I mean, not directly, but… they saw my latest Instagram post and they were asking all these questions about you, and us…” He tilts his head to the side, brows puckered in confusion.

“And what’s wrong with that?”

“God, Jeonghan— it's because you're pretty, okay? More than pretty, honestly, I can't believe a person can look like you, and— and you're with me, of all people, and sometimes I just don’t know why— a-and it's just been a terrible week”— You force yourself to take a deep breath, blinking rapidly to try and force the tears away. Jeonghan gently reaches for you, pushing your hair away from your face and tipping your chin up to look into your eyes.

"Ah," Jeonghan says, sighs, and you feel the pain in his eyes when they meet yours, as he realizes you're being honest.

"What do I say to make this better...? I love you so much." As he gently murmurs his own thoughts aloud, he swipes the pads of his thumbs beneath your eyes, catching the tears preemptively. Eventually, he leans in to press a kiss to your forehead, causing your eyes to flutter shut.

"My pretty baby," he says. "The prettiest in the world. Do you know what I love about you?"

You shake your head, feeling physically incapable of speaking. Jeonghan only smiles, bringing one of your hands up to his lips.

"I love your hands"— kiss.

"And your arms, your shoulders, your neck," he says, pressing a kiss to each part of your body he mentions, ghosting his lips against your skin. You can't help but giggle when he kisses a slightly ticklish spot on your cheek, and Jeonghan immediately breaks out into a broad grin.

"I love your smile, and your nose — I love your whole face"— before you can react Jeonghan has taken your face in his hands and begun peppering your skin with kisses, leaving you feeling flushed and giddy. He presses one final, lingering kiss to your lips before surveying you with heavy-lidded eyes.

"Should I continue?" Jeonghan asks, and you let out another laugh as you shake your head.

"No, no, I feel much better now."

"Mm, good," he says, smoothing down your hair with a smile. "Now how about I run a nice hot bath for you, and once we've worked up an appetite I can finish dinner, hm?" You feel your face warming up again at the mischievous glimmer in his eye, and you gently push at his shoulder.

"Aish, don't be dirty," you scold, and he gives you his most innocent look.

"Dirty? What are you implying, Y/N? I just said I'd make dinner once we got hungry."

"Just go run my bath!" You look away, pushing at Jeonghan to try and get him off the couch as he laughs at your antics.

"There's my baby," he says, pinching your cheeks gently as he stands up. Once he has your attention his grip slackens, leaving him merely cradling your face in his hands as he gazes at you fondly. He leans in and presses one last kiss to your lips, sweet and slow and heart-warming in the best of ways. You can't help but smile, giddy with his love when he pulls away. He lets out a contented sigh at the brightness of your expression and gently taps his finger against the tip of your nose,

"My pretty, pretty baby, who’s the prettiest when they’re happy. How did I get so lucky?"

And as he says the words you really, truly feel just as he describes.

#jeonghan scenarios #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen fanfic #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen texts #kpop fanfiction #kpop reactions #kpop writing #kpop scenarios #kpop texts #My writing

150 notes · View notes

ravnicaforgoblins · 3 years

Photo

Ravnica for Goblins

Exciting Planeswalker Visitors

(Caution: Before we begin, this post is going to be much more opinion-based than previous ones. These are my own homebrew ideas, use them as/if you wish, discard/dismiss them if you prefer.)

Planeswalkers are an integral part of MTG Lore, as well as several of its most iconic characters. Put simply, a Planeswalker is an individual with an inherent gift for traveling between planes, or worlds. The gift does not appear at birth, but is usually triggered by some manner of incredibly emotional (usually traumatizing) event. In addition, each Planeswalker displays a unique aptitude for a particular style of magic; be it plant growth, transformation, becoming transparent, illusions, invulnerability, summoning beasts, structural analysis, setting things on fire, etc. Whatever their specific brand of magic is, it’s usually on a higher level than an ordinary person can hope to achieve.

Planeswalkers, as a general rule, are wanderers by nature. They may have a home plane, or even an adopted home plane, but being able to traverse the multiverse leads many towards lives of constant adventuring/shenanigans. Add in the fact that Planeswalkers cannot bring anyone else with them on these travels (except in very rare cases), and you end up with a special breed of super-powerful magical loner. They show up, make a name for themselves with their big magic, and depart when they feel like it. Did you say, “Instant Adventure”?

Ravnica has a few native Planeswalkers among its citizens; Ral Zarek, Vraska, and Domri Rade. In addition, it has several Planeswalkers who have at some point or another (depending on your timeline) devoted enough time & energy to be effectively considered citizens; Azor, Tezzeret, Kaya, Dack Fayden, Dovin Baan, Gideon Jura, and Jace Beleren. Some of these are currently dead, missing, or magically barred from ever returning. At one point, Ravnica had more Planeswalkers on it at one time than any plane in the multiverse has ever or will ever see. If you are going the War of the Spark direction, good luck. You'll need it and so will your players. For everyone else, which Planeswalkers you choose to include in your campaign (if any), should be based on who will work the best for the story you’re trying to tell. A recommendation; if you find their lore too distracting and complicated, stick to the main beats. A lot of these figures can be boiled down to simple ideas, and you don’t want to bore your party with the entire novel of these usually dramatic/tragic lives. Trust me, the base concepts are enough.

With that in mind, here are four Planeswalkers that I, a random person on the internet, believe would work great for a Ravnica campaign. My choices are not based on who has canonically already spent time in Ravnica, or who would be the most powerful/dangerous to suddenly appear in the city. Several Planeswalkers have their own prior commitments on other planes that are pretty central to their character, and BAMFing them to Ravnica for a quick Bad Guy to take down wouldn’t do them justice. These four characters would slide into various aspects of Ravnica beautifully. These four would be the most exciting visitors to Ravnica.

Ashiok, Dream Render

I don’t think any MTG character could be as good a fit for a Ravnican Guild as Ashiok is for House Dimir. Ashiok is almost literally a walking shadow of secrets and intrigue. Their origins, their age, their motives, their face; hell, their gender is a secret yet unrevealed. Ashiok’s power is creating living beings born of the greatest fears stolen from people’s nightmares. Literally.

It’s like if the Dimir stopped half-assing the art of stealing thoughts and turned it into a weapon of mass destruction. Because even the mightiest of Ravnicans are afraid of things. Ask Niv-Mizzet about the Nephilim sometime, see how quickly he changes the subject. What’s better, for a Guild that prides itself on always having the up & up on everyone, Ashiok is inscrutable. They have no past that can be divined, no secrets that can be stolen, no previous encounters to prepare any for their arrival. Neither Lazav nor Etrata can claim such anonymity, despite their best efforts. Ashiok is a true enigma and a dangerous new weapon for House Dimir.

Ashiok also comes with the ability to create minions and NPCs from out of any PC’s worst nightmares, making encounters a great combination of roleplaying & combat. Fighting them is specifically facing one’s deepest & darkest fears made real. Can you say, “character development”?

Ashiok’s arrival could spread this new magical art to other Dimir Agents for a longer campaign, but it might be best to confine it to Ashiok in order to allow for a cleaner victory. Ashiok is not a fighter, cornering them into a direct confrontation should be enough to make the Nightmare Sculptor run for the hills. The mind is powerful, but also very squishy.

Tibalt, the Fiend-Blooded

You know how the Cult of Rakdos are technically Chaotic Evil but generally just a bunch of artsy hedonistic nuisances? Tibalt is to them what a gallon of gasoline would be to a lit stove. Good for fire, bad for everything else. Tibalt is an empath specializing in Pain Magic. Quite literally, he loves hurting people for fun. Drawn to pain like a magnet; physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, etc, he is sadism personified.

His brief time on Ravnica during War of the Spark was enough to make a strong impression on the Rakdos.

“I like this one’s energy.”

This is because they do not realize how bad Tibalt would be for the Cult. There is a fundamental difference between the Chaotic Evil the Cult practices and the Chaotic Evil Tibalt delights in. The Rakdos have survived 10,000 years by taking in the freaks, the rejects, and the crazies, and giving them a place where they can live out their most depraved hedonistic fantasies. They are the voice of the outsiders bringing all figures of power & authority down a peg. They always punch up, never down. Tibalt is a young man with no home, no friends, no job, and no interests or hobbies beyond inflicting pain in as many people as possible. Tibalt punches everyone. The most important distinction between the two is that the Cult of Rakdos is a culture, a way of life for people to embrace; it might be crazy, but it welcomes & accepts people no matter how insane the world says they are. Tibalt does not care about anyone but himself. Following his example would see the city turned into the largest, bloodiest, and most destructive riot in its history; with Tibalt inciting and sicking every monstrosity he can find onto the city at once. He will burn the Rakdos candle at both ends and leave them to suffer the consequences of his fun. The aftermath being the city in ruins, the Cult wiped from the face of existence, and him moving on to his next project. In short, Tibalt will hurt the Cult of Rakdos as much, if not more, than the rest of Ravnica. Because that’s how he gets his kicks.

The one thing standing in his way will be Rakdos himself. As the single largest diva on the entire plane, Rakdos does not tolerate anyone who tries to steal his spotlight. As a 10,000+ year-old Demon Lord, Rakdos is in a league of his own, and Tibalt is just a hotshit little pain mage with a few tricks. It’s not a fight, it’s either an exit or a curtain call for the Planeswalker. If Rakdos is around, Tibalt’s spree will be very short-lived. If, however, Rakdos is doing his usual thing of hibernating for weeks, months, or years at a time, that’s a different story. Tibalt is good for if your campaign wants to bypass politics & intrigue and go straight to killing Cultists & Demons. He’s bad for anyone he comes in contact with.

Garruk Wildspeaker

In case I haven’t made my contempt for Domri Rade clear, I hold Domri Rade in utter contempt. As a character, as a Planeswalker, and most of all as a Gruul, he’s a failure. Scrawny, weak, gullible, and stupid. My chief grievance with Domri is that he fell short in all the areas the Gruul Clans idolize. He couldn’t survive in the wilderness on his own without his Planeswalker abilities, he couldn’t fight for himself except against weaker opponents or with herds of animals as backup, and he acted on orders from someone else who wasn’t Gruul. For a Guild built on independence and survival of the fittest, he failed both completely.

Garruk is the real deal. Gigantic, strong, savage, and cunning. Here is a man who, on a fundamental level, has embraced animal savagery as a way of life. He lives like a predator on the hunt, an alpha of any pack, and a fierce threat to all who intrude upon his territory. On a plane like Ravnica, where civilization has encroached on the untamed wilds almost completely, Garruk would be a gamechanger. Not only could he feasibly fight Borborygmos for leadership of the Gruul, he could win, and he could unite the Gruul under his howl of reclaiming the wilds from so-called “civilization”. Garruk would bring animal strength to the Gruul in ways they’ve only begun to tap into, and he’d do it in their language. Because Garruk understands the Gruul, and they understand him. They have so much in common with each other that it’s hard to think of any Planeswalker who could be welcomed so readily into a Guild. They would become so much more than rock-smashers and anarchists, they would become Ravnica’s reminder that nature will survive when all traces of society have crumbled away.

As if taking on the city itself wasn’t big enough already, Garruk has also taken to hunting other Planeswalkers, and can actually track them across the Multiverse. Meaning a few high-ranking members of Guilds and even the Living Guildpact have to take his threat seriously. He’s got a particular grudge against necromancers, dislikes talking, and has a special gift with animals of all varieties. All of which provides plenty of ideas to build from. He’s an 8ft tall Human Druid/Barbarian who willingly chooses animal savagery over intellectual reasoning, can there be anyone more perfect for the Gruul?

Did I say Ashiok was the most perfect fit for an MTG character in a Ravnican Guild? Yeah, scratch that. Garruk is.

Sarkhan Vol

Most Planeswalkers have a theme to their abilities. For some, that theme extends to their personalities as well. And then there are Planeswalkers who can be adequately summed up in a single word. For Sarkhan, that word would be “dragons”. Sarkhan sees dragons as nature’s purest & most destructive form, and carries a fascination with them that is perfectly healthy for anything with wings and scales that breathes fire, but generally less healthy for everything & everyone else.

One of the things that makes Ravnica unique is the distinct lack of dragons (emphasis on the plural). Ravnica has a dragon, Niv-Mizzet the Firemind, who made the executive decision thousands of years ago that he alone was sufficient to represent his entire species. Ravnican dragons are considered more intelligent than dragons on other planes, Niv himself being a prime example of this. Around the original signing of the Guildpact, Ravnica’s Godlike dragons were hunted to extinction, with Niv leading the hunt against his own kind. They were not entirely successful in this endeavor, but what few dragons do remain in the present day survive by staying as far off Niv’s radar as possible. Some dragons live by carrying out Niv’s will under constant supervision, or by hunting in the untamed wilds outside the city, or as sideshow attractions for the Rakdos (usually with their wings cut off to prevent escape). They are effectively stripped of anything that would identify them as “dragons” for the sake of their own existence. Since dragons are such a notoriously touchy subject for the Firemind, few have the nerve or fire immunity necessary to speak out against it.

Sarkhan would be horrified. If he thought the extinction of dragons on his home plane of Tarkir was bad, seeing them living like this would infuriate him beyond words. What would Sarkhan do once the initial shock of seeing his spirit animal (in more ways than one) reduced to pitiful scraps of life as lab rats, scared prey, and freak shows wears off? Let’s make it a game! Do you think Sarkhan will:

A. Cry.

B. Throw up.

C. Embrace this as a plane’s reality that he has no right to get involved with.

D. Scream.

E. Set something on fire.

F. Set everything on fire.

G. Bring back the dragons.

H. Burn the city to the ground with dragons.

I. Kill Niv-Mizzet.

J. All the above except “C”.

If you selected Answer “J”, then congratulations! You’ve just won a free trip to a BURNING METROPOLIS! Sarkhan will absolutely make it his life’s goal to bring dragons back to Ravnica and destroy the whole wretched city down to the last brick. How he would do it is up to you, but it’s a solid bet that even if every other Guild treats him like an apocalyptic madman, the Gruul might side with him over some shared beliefs in smashing the city apart with ferocious animal savagery. They tend to lean towards such ideas with uncharacteristic willful compliance. Ravnican dragons are primarily red, with the most prominent breed still remaining being the Utvara Hellkites beyond the city limits.

Oh, and Sarkhan can turn into a dragon, too. Have fun with that.

#ravnica for goblins #ravnica #goblins #d&d #dnd #dungeons and dragons #dragons #planeswalkers #mtg #campaign #roleplaying #tibalt #sarkhan #ashiok #garruk #fun ideas #guilds

27 notes · View notes

takerfoxx · 3 years

Text

In response to JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, my (former) idols

I really didn’t want to have to do this.

So in addition to…=gestures vaguely=…all of that, the last few months have been kind of sucky when it comes to learning some really unpleasant things about artists that I looked up to, admired, and was in fact inspired by. I’ve already spoken about the Speaking Out movement revealing a lot of ugly behavior from various wrestlers, some of which I was big fans of, and then later we got Chris Jericho being a full-on MAGA. Yeah, that all sucked. But those were just performers whose work I enjoyed watching. The one that really hurt were writers who I deeply admired, whose stories I love, and who I was heavily influenced by.

The first, of course, was finding out that JK Rowling, the author of perhaps the single biggest YA fantasy series of all time Harry Potter, is a TERF. This really sucked for a number of reasons. Firstly, I really like Harry Potter! I mean, I’m not a super fan or anything. I came into it when things were kind of dying down, like the whole book series had already been released and there were only a few movies left, but I still really enjoyed it, have all the books and movies and a fair amount of merchandise swag, including a nifty wand I got at Universal Studios. Shit, I got two replicas of the Sword of Griffyindor, thanks to them screwing up my order in my favor and sending me a duplicate! They’re on my wall right across from me as I type this!

But in addition to writing a book series I really liked, JK Rowling was supposed to be one the good guys. She’s been vocally progressive, often openly comes down on British right-wing nonsense, has supported various persecuted minorities, and is on record as being one of the few self-made billionaires to actually stop being a billionaire for a time because she donated so much money to charity. And while we mock it now, her revealing Dumbledore as gay was a huge deal at the time. Plus, she cultivated this reputation as Auntie Jo, that cool, supportive aunt we all wanted.

But for a while her stock has been dropping. Her preference for confirming “representation” via tweets instead of explicitly putting it in the text of her stories has raised the question of queer-baiting, especially with a whole-ass movie with a young Dumbledore and Grindelwald to make their relationship explicit but failing to do so. The whole Nagini thing from the latest Fantastic Beasts movie was pretty gross. And re-examination of various problematic elements from the original novels has rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. Now, none of these really looked to be intentionally malicious, of course. Just about everyone’s early work will have problematic elements; that’s just how people work. And the later stuff smacked more of ignorance than anything. But after all this time, it’s like, c’mon. You should know better by now.

But the biggie came when her transphobic views finally came to light. Now, this one had been brewing for a while, due to some questionable likes and statements on her twitter. But then she decided to just go public and published what essentially amounts to a TERF manifesto, one with a very “love the sinner, hate the sin” condescending attitude and had a real persecution complex air to it.

Now, I’m not going to go into detail about what the manifesto was about, what the circumstances surrounding it were, or how wrong it was. It’s already been raked over the coals, dissected, answered, and debunked in detail by people far more qualified than me, so odds are, you’re already well aware of its contents and the subsequent rebuttals. But the gist of it comes down to her basically believing that transwomen are actually cis men claiming to be trans so as to infiltrate and invade female-only spaces.

Yeah.

Okay, that’s gross, but…why? Why is someone so noted for being progressive and wanting to foster an inclusive environment making this the hill of exclusion that she wants to die on?

Well, that’s where things get tricky. She mentions that prior to Harry Potter, her first marriage was highly physically and sexually abusive, and when she escaped from that, she had no place to go, leading her to be homeless for a time.

Oh.

Well, that makes sense. Someone goes through a highly traumatic experience with a member of the opposite sex, has no support structure when she escapes it, is left to fend for herself, only to suddenly get rocketed into fame, fortune, and influence, which in turn leads to a Never Again mentality. She was hurt, no one was there to help her, and now she’s afraid of men invading women-only spaces to victimize others like she was victimized. So…literally transphobic. Literally a Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist.

Guys, this is so fucked up. Like, how do you even approach something like this? She’s a victim in every sense of the word, so of course she’s going to have physiological damage and a warped view of things. I mean, if I found out that a close friend of mine went through the same thing and had the same prejudices, I would be nothing but sympathetic! I mean, I’d still do what I can to convince her to overcome those prejudices, but I’d still show sympathy and support for what she went through.

Abuse warps people. There’s a reason why so many abusers are abuse survivors themselves. It makes you terrified of being hurt again and often causes people to adopt toxic behaviors, beliefs, and reactions to protect themselves. I’ve already talked about it at length while discussing She-Ra and its own handling of the cycle of abuse, which included franks discussions of Catra’s horrible behavior, why she was the way she was, while never losing sympathy for her and rooting for her to overcome it. So if JK Rowling is an abuse survivor, is it really right to come down on her for having warped views because of that abuse?

But that’s the problem. See, she isn’t your troubled friend that you’re trying to help. She isn’t your cousin Leslie who’s a really sweet person but unfortunately adopted some bad ideals due to trauma suffered. She JK freakin’ ROWLING, one of the most famous, wealthy, and influential women in the world. She has a platform of millions, if not billions, which means her voice lends credibility to her bigoted beliefs. Alt-righters and other TERFs have already swooped upon this for giving validation to their awful beliefs, which puts trans people even more at risk. And as horrible as Rowling’s experiences might have been, the trans community is often the victim of far worse, and they don’t have a mountain of money and an army of defenders to protect them like she does. I’ve said it time and time again: just because you’re a victim, that doesn’t give you the right to victimize others! And bringing things back to Catra, as much as I loved her redemption in the final season, she was still a TERRIBLE PERSON for a huge chunk of the show, one that needed to be stood up to and stopped.

So yeah. That’s the messiness that is JK Rowling.

Now, let’s talk about the one that really hurts. Let’s talk about Joss Whedon.

I’ve made no secret of what a huge Whedon fan I am. Unlike Rowling, I was a HUUUUUGE superfan. Seeing Serenity for the first time in theaters was akin to a religious awakening to me as a storyteller, making it one of my top three movies of all time. Firefly is my favorite show ever. And I adored Buffy, Angel, and Dollhouse as well. I love Cabin in the Woods and The Avengers. The very first fanfic I ever wrote was a Firefly fanfic that disappeared along with my old laptop. I know his style isn’t for everyone, but I cannot understate how much of a personal inspiration he is to me as a writer.

And like Rowling, Joss was supposed to be one of the good guys! Buffy was monumental in pushing the needle when it came to female empowerment. Will and Tara were groundbreaking as a gay couple. He’s been outspoken for years about his feminist views and beliefs and was seen as one of the most prominent and influential feminist voices in Hollywood!

And then things started to go bad.

One day he was on top of the world, the mastermind behind the first two Avenger movies. And the next, it seemed like he was in freefall. It’s hard to really pinpoint exactly when the change took place. Some would say him being brought in as a last-minute substitute for Zack Snyder to take over on Justice League after Snyder had to leave due to family tragedy, and the subsequent awful critical reception to that film tarnishing his image, even if those were very unique circumstances that couldn’t really be blamed on him. Others might point to Age of Ultron’s less than stellar reception, as well as criticism of some questionable jokes and certain creative decisions regarding the character of Black Widow, which then led to a more critical examination of how Whedon continues to write female characters, as while his work might have been revolutionary in the 90’s, his failure to evolve with the times had meant that many of his portrayals are now woefully outdated and problematic, with his vision for a Batgirl movie getting hit with a lot of backlash as a result.

Again, I’m not going to go into too much detail, as this is all public knowledge and can be easily looked up, but overall it seemed that Whedon entered into a period where he was getting criticized more than he was celebrated, and his image of a guaranteed hit maker was now in doubt.

But all of this wasn’t the big problem. All creators go through rises and slumps, and everyone hits points where they get hit with a barrage of criticism; that’s just part of being a public creative figure, especially a progressive one. And had nothing happened after, it would have probably faded, got forgotten, and Whedon would have moved onto the next project with no fuss.

But as it turned out, it wasn’t just a minor slump in his career. Instead, it was the priming of the pump.

In 2016, Whedon divorced his wife of sixteen years, Kai Cole, and in an open letter, Kai Cole accused him of being a serial cheater, who would have affairs with a great many women, from co-workers, to actresses, to friends, to even his fans. And in addition to raising questions of him possibly abusing his position as showrunner to elicit sex from those working on his projects, there also is the ugly question of how could someone who speaks so highly of women then go and backstab the person who was supposed to be the most important woman in his life, as well as lying to her and denying her the autonomy of deciding whether or not she even wanted to continue to have a relationship with him?

Furthermore, Whedon himself has not explicitly denied these accusations, and comments made by him seem only to confirm them.

Now if you’ll recall, I reacted publicly to this news, and despite my admiration of Whedon’s work, I came down on Kai Cole’s side, and stated that while things like marriage issues and infidelity were no one’s business but that of the couple’s, it did raise a lot of uncomfortable questions about how Whedon treated the women in his life and he really needed to get his shit in order.

But hey, a messy private life and a guy falling into temptation isn’t that big of a deal, right? Plenty of creators also go through multiple marriages and have problems staying faithful and still continue making great art. We’re all human, it’s a stressful job, and this shit just happens, right? Sure, it’s gross and a shitty thing to do, but ain’t no business of ours, right?

In late 2020, actor Ray Fisher, who played the role of Cyborg in Justice League, openly accused Joss Whedon of fostering a hostile work environment, claiming that the director’s behavior was abusive and unprofessional, and that Whedon in turn was protected by DC executives.

DC and Warner Bros. came down against Fisher, claiming they had done an internal investigation that turned up no evidence of wrongdoing (yeah, sure they did), and soon Fisher was out as Cyborg, apparently for rocking the boat.

But then Charisma Carpenter, noted for her important role as Cordelia Chase in both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, then spoke up, claiming to be inspired by Fisher in doing so. She described Whedon did indeed foster a hostile work environment on his projects, that his often acted in a toxic manner, from asking incredibly invasive and inappropriate questions regarding her pregnancy to insulting her on set. She said that she made excuses for him for years, but after undergoing a lot of therapy and reading what Ray Fisher had to say, she felt compelled to speak out.

And this just open the floodgates. Other actors and actresses also came forward, some with stories of their own, others to offer support. Even Buffy herself, Sarah Michelle Gellar, confirmed Carpenter’s stories and said that she no longer wanted to be associated with Whedon. Michelle Trachtenberg, who played the character of Dawn, stated that she also experienced toxic treatment from Whedon despite her being a minor at the time, and says that the set had a rule that Whedon wasn’t allowed to be alone with her again, which really raises some sickening questions of what happened the first time. Even male stars have spoken out, from words of support and apologies for not speaking up earlier from Anthony Stewart Head and David Boreanaz, to an earlier interview with James Marsters, in which he described being terrified of Whedon, mainly due to an instance when Whedon was frustrated with the popularity of Marsters’s character of Spike messing with his plans and physically and verbally taking it out on the actor. There have been many corroborating stories of Whedon being casually cruel on set, on seemingly taking delight in making his fellow show writers cry, and even the man himself admitting to enjoying fostering a hostile work environment during his director commentary of the Avengers. We’ve joked about Whedon’s supposed sadism for years, but that was in regards to how he treated the characters in his stories, not the people helping him make them!

So yeah. That’s the problem with Joss Whedon.

So, do I think that Joss Whedon is somehow some kind of sociopath who lied about his feminist principles and deliberately put on a progressive façade specifically to get into a position of power so he could torment people? No, of course not. I think he was sincere about his beliefs, and I do think he didn’t realize the wrongness of his behavior. But that’s kind of the problem. See, it’s one thing to have kind of a trollishness to your nature, a sort of sadistic side. No one can help that. But when someone with that quality gets put into a position of power in which they are protected by both the higher-ups and their legions of fans, they are allowed to mistreat and continue to mistreat people. And by never suffering any consequences, that sort of toxic behavior becomes internalized, becomes a habit, becomes their moda operandi. And when you’re constantly getting praised as a creative genius and a wonderful feminist voice, any self-criticism just gets wiped away, and you think yourself above reproach, leading to what Joss Whedon became and went on being.

And you know what scares me the most about this particular issue? It’s not that I am a fan of his stories. It’s that I can so easily see myself turning out the same way.

Look, I’ll be upfront about it: I’m kind of a sadist myself. You’ve seen it in my stories, you’ve seen me gloating after a particularly dark plot twist makes my readers freak out. That sort of stuff is fun to me. There’s a reason why I have a much easier time in the dark and violent scenes, because I’m channeling something ugly within me. We all have a dark side, and this is mine.

But UNLIKE Whedon, that doesn’t carry over to how I treat people in real life (unless Monopoly or Mario Party are involved, then it’s fair game). Maybe it’s because I wasn’t given the sort of power and praise he did so early, and I was always taught to be considerate of other people’s feelings, but if I ever find out that I hurt another person or went too fair, I feel TERRIBLE, and it just throws me off all day until I apologize. Even if I don’t notice right away that what I said or did wasn’t cool (autistic, remember?), when it’s pointed out to me and I have some time to think on it, yeah, the guilt is on and I make a point to apologize to whoever I’ve hurt. I’ve even made a point to apologize to members of my family for inconsiderate stuff I said years ago as a little punk kid because it wouldn’t stop bugging me.

So maybe Whedon got too big, too fast. Maybe putting people on these sorts of pedestals, especially progressive ones, is ultimately a bad thing.

So where does this leave us? How are we to treat JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, one who developed a lot of transphobia due to abuse suffered while the other became a toxic individual due to unchecked control and a lack of consequences? Can we still enjoy their stories despite them now being colored by their creators’ falls from grace? Can we separate the art from the artist, or do we have to do a clean split?

Honestly, I feel that has to come down to the individual. I can’t remove the influence Rowling and Whedon have had on me as a storyteller, and I still highly respect both of their talents despite taking major issue with their problems as people. And I’m not going go throw away all of my Harry Potter or Firefly stuff. Because that’s my stuff. It has value to me, it doesn’t represent the issues with their creators, and a lot of it was gifts from people who are dear to me. Though I do think it’ll be a long time before I return to either of their work, as I just don’t have the stomach for it now.

But I will be avoiding any projects they have in the future. I don’t want to put money in their pockets that might go on to support their toxic beliefs or behavior. And as for royalties for their past work that would also support the cast and crew of the Harry Potter films or those who worked on Whedon’s shows who do not deserve to lose money because we don’t want any of that money going to the creators? Er, that question is a little above my paygrade. I don’t know. You’ll have to all decide for yourselves. As for me, I still have a lot of thinking to do.

Regardless though, if I or anyone else is still able to enjoy their work, then it’s important to not divorce what these people said or did from the art they created, even if it makes enjoying that art less fun. It’s important to be critical about what we enjoy, to acknowledge the bad aspects along with the good, and open up discussion of those elements, because that’s what mature adults are supposed to do.

And as for JK Rowling and Joss Whedon, whose stories I love, whose talent I admire, and whose past good work I’ll happily acknowledge, I do hope they both experience some sort of realization and enter into a period of self-examination that leads to them getting help for their issues, for Rowling to get help in coming to terms with her trauma and realizing that she’s wrong about the trans community and a full apology, and for Whedon to also come to terms with his toxic behavior and how he treats people, for him to make no excuse for what he did and sincerely apologize to those he hurt and work on bettering himself, as well as them both examining some of the more problematic tropes still present in their works. Because despite everything, I do feel that they can still be a creative force of good, and it would be a shame if they let themselves self-destruct.

But if not, then if it comes down to choosing between Rowling and the protecting the trans community, if it comes down between choosing between letting Whedon continue to make shows and protecting actors and writers from his abusive behavior, then I know who I’m siding with, and it ain’t the two individuals this whole essay is about. No story, no matter how good, no matter how creative, is worth letting sacrificing vulnerable people in order for it to be made.

#jk rowling #joss whedon #harry potter #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #angel #firefly #justice league #ray fisher #charisma carpenter #kai cole #transphobia tw #abuse tw #toxicity tw #TERF tw #rant #TERFs don't interact I do not want to talk to you #same for abuse apologists

22 notes · View notes

itsuki-minamy · 3 years

Text

“SIX IDOLS”

CHAPTER 5: “NAGARE.02” (Complete)

* K - Six Idols (List of Chapters) * Projects & Chapters

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Ridia

"Emerald smoke for you..."

Hearing the familiar voice, Sukuna Gojo raised his face.

A scrambled intersection in Shizume where many people come and go. It projected a familiar face onto a huge screen that dominated him. It was a popular idol, Mishakuji Yukari, who belongs to the same unofficial office as Sukuna, "Jungle Pro".

"A stranger in the mirror. Yes, that's true. That's you."

As he waits for the traffic light, he looks up in amazement.

He knew he was in a cosmetic commercial, but Yukari uses feminine cosmetics by all means. Sukuna thinks that even though he is a decent man, it is amazing that he does not feel any discomfort in such commercials.

"Oh, it's Yukari-sama! I have to take a picture!"

"It's true, me too! I'll miss the points!"

A couple of women waiting for a stoplight with Sukuna hastily pulled out their PDAs and pointed them at the screen. They were probably users of "Jungle", the official application of "Jungle Pro". You can get various benefits by photographing the idol it belongs to and posting it on SNS. Sukuna relaxed before the two people who were continuously photographing while making a fuss about it.

One of them suddenly turned to Sukuna.

When he thought about it, he had perfect eye contact. The woman's eyes widened in the blink of an eye. A woman's voice is launched at Sukuna's back, who puts the hoodie back on and returns.

"Maybe Sukuna-kun?! A lie?! I can't see you here!"

Sukuna glared at Yukari on the screen with resentment.

"You have to take good care of your fans, Sukuna-chan. We idols have fans, so remember what Yukari once said."

"Hey, look at me! If possible, with the screen in the background! It's definitely a high point to be able to photograph two people together!"

The woman got excited and approached Sukuna while she held her PDA. The moment he turned his face, he could see the flash burning. That was not very pleasant.

Several options occurred to his, and Sukuna finally decided to stick with his beliefs rather than Yukari's words.

In other words, he turned around and ran away.

"Oh, wait!"

There was nothing to look forward to. Still, he was shocked because the women pursued him with all their might.

Whether they want that many points or are Sukuna fans, Sukuna got into a back alley.

"Hey, wait a minute."

That woman chased him to that point. Although she had no shoes or clothes that would make it easy to run in, she had a lot of guts and wrapped her tongue inside. However, he was sorry for running too much, so Sukuna decided to go "upstairs".

The left and right are the walls of the building. Sukuna kicked the left wall and jumped, clambered up the rain gutter using the outdoor unit as a trampoline, attached herself to the emergency stairs, and looked down.

The woman forgot to hold her PDA and looked at Sukuna in a daze.

Like a fan service at least, Sukuna looked down and stuck his tongue out making a face.

"Tsu!"

By the time the woman hastily took her PDA, Sukuna had already climbed the emergency stairs to the roof of the building.

At that moment, Sukuna's PDA rang with a ringtone. Sukuna took it and straddled the air conditioning duct.

"Sukuna, the fans must appreciate you."

Hisui Nagare, the "Green Idol King", said such a thing.

Sukuna pursed his lips. A security network with surveillance cameras is established in Shizume. With Nagare's "Idol King" ability, it's easy to break into that network.

However, if it is said that it is the skill that an idol must have, there is no choice but to squint.

"I know, so I guess I rounded it up early."

As he sat on the chute, he pursed his mouth further, showing his annoyance. At the tumbled intersection, the images changed, and Misaki Yata from "Homura" began to perform a new number of popular idols.

"If you sign or shake hands in such a place, a lot of people will come to you. Even my fans, even those guys. If that's the case, I thought it would be better to run away quickly."

"I see. That may be the case. I understand."

"Hmm?" That was the first time he thought about it.

Somehow, he felt that something was wrong with Nagare's response. There was nothing unnatural in the conversation, but with the usual Nagare, there are two more things that can be pointed out philosophically.

"By the way, Sukuna. It was time for your game to go live. Do I have to prepare?"

A feeling of strangeness again.

The game commentary is a syndication event that Sukuna regularly hosts on the video publishing site "MORIMORI Video" operated by "Jungle Pro". Proceed with new and old games by trial and error. Playing is popular, especially with young people, and has garnered a considerable number of viewers. No wonder Nagare, the operator, worries about it.

"Did you say it was postponed during this time? I tweeted and listeners should know."

"It's true, that was the case. I understand."

After all, something was wrong. Nagare would never forget such a thing.

"Hey, Nagare? Haven't you been weird for a while?"

"What do you mean weird?"

"What is it? It's like a machine. Well, I always say you talk like a machine, but today it's more likely than ever."

There was silence for a few seconds. The feeling of strangeness became even greater. Is Nagare really on the other end of this call? A question like that suddenly came to Sukuna's mind.

"I didn't hear you right, please try again."

"You're not crazy, are you?"

The moment he yelled, he dropped the call. Sukuna opened his eyes and looked at the PDA screen. He had goose bumps around the back of his neck.

There was an incoming call again. He shrugged and stared at the screen for a few seconds, without answering the call.

"Eh?"

"It took you about 2 minutes to find out. Some experimental results were obtained. Thank you."

"……"

There was "emotion" in the depths of that voice. At least it sounded like that.

This Nagare is "real".

Maybe.

"Explain yourself."

Nagare spoke clearly at Sukuna's words, which include anger.

"I was telling you about 'Nagare.02' earlier."

"Nagare, what is that?"

"Well, it is a multifunctional artificial intelligence that tracks my own thoughts and voice, that is, AI, which I have secretly developed for a long time. Since the alpha version was completed earlier, I tried to speak to a person who knows me well by the moment."

"You are amazing?"

No, it is not. He really should get mad. He should make a complaint about being forced to experiment without warning.

Although he knew that, he still couldn't suppress the admiration and respect that springs from the bottom of his heart. Sukuna quickly asked a question.

"No, I didn't understand anything! The voice was natural, he could speak correctly and I thought it was fake, but I never imagined it was not human. What? That AI can do that?"

"Still, it was detected in 2 minutes. There is still room for improvement."

"No, it took me two minutes to figure out even that...?"

Given that, he was a bit disappointed. Sukuna believes that Nagare is a friend and understands him, but when he asks if he is more than the other two, he doesn't feel safe.

"Did you try it on Iwa-san and Yukari?"

"No, that's about to start. Sukuna, would you like us to monitor it together?"

A small smile reached Sukuna's mouth.

The humiliation of being stunned was eased, all he has to do is turn to the side where he placed it.

"Sure! I can't wait to see how they react!"

He wishes had bought more time, with that wish, Sukuna had great control.

++++++++++

"Oh, you two were planning that?"

In the underground space, commonly known as "Secret Base", which is the headquarters of "Jungle Pro".

As he gracefully relaxed, Mishakuji Yukari laughed.

"……"

Sukuna was in a bad mood. On the other hand, Nagare was only facing the front in a wheelchair.

"Yes. The ones who know me best are the best members of "Jungle Pro", you guys. Feedback in conversations with you will help "Nagare.02" evolve even more. I'm impressed."

"Okay, weren't you fooled by that thing?"

As he opened the beer can with a pleasant noise, Iwafune Tenkei pierced Sukuna's heart.

"Fufu, I'm sorry to say that, Iwa-san. Sukuna-chan didn't understand for two minutes."

"Oh? 2 minutes? It took so long, is that normal?"

"I have recorded the conversation at that time. If you wish, I can replay it here now."

"Enough, that's it!"

He suddenly became irritated and screamed. Yukari laughed, Iwa shrugged slightly, Nagare looked at him vaguely and...

"Kuwa, Sukuna, angry!"

"Take this!"

Sukuna threw a cushion at Kotosaka, who flew into the air like a fool.

Kotosaka avoided him, and Iwa, who approached quickly, grabbed the cushion that was about to hit the dresser.

"Here and there. You can't allow idol fights as a manager, right?"

"Get hold of yourself."

Sukuna turned around as if he was impressed, and scratched himself cross-legged on the spot.

After all, it took Yukari 10 seconds to realize it, and Iwafune, with just one word, discovered that "Nagare.02" was not the real Nagare Hisui, but an AI.

Sukuna, who was monitoring with Nagare, can't tell where the unnatural part was, since, "Nagare.02" had a very thorough dialogue. The only thing that could detect authenticity was his intuition and the length of their relationship.

For Sukuna, the ending was somewhat unconvincing. He feels like he's been one-sidedly tricked by an incredibly high-level enemy character.

"Anyway, Nagare-chan? Why did you make such a toy again? Because it's you, is it on a whim or to kill time?"

"Well. I developed "Nagare.02" because I found great meaning. It is an antithesis against the current landscape of idols and innovation in new fields. I mean, innovation."

"I do not know what you're talking about."

Iwafune said that while he was drinking beer. When Himizu looked at him, a hologram emerged in the center of the room.

"What I want to create is another new form of idol that traces my appearance and thoughts in my virtual space."

What is projected in the hologram is the CG model worn by "Green Idol King" Nagare Hisui during PV and live performances. Although it is an elaborate modeling that mimics the real Nagare, it is still different from the real one.

The model moved smoothly. He clasped his hands in front of his hips and bowed silently.

"Nice to meet you. I am "Nagare.02", a virtual idol that belongs to "Jungle Pro". Thank you."

The operation is no different than what Nagare always does. Nevertheless…

"This is not Nagare-chan."

"Is he the same guy I spoke to earlier?"

Yukari discovered by intuition and Iwafune discovered that it was not real from a long relationship. The Nagare proportion is small.

"Currently, it is not me who is manipulating this model, but the idol-type AI "Nagare.02". A unique algorithm allows an autonomous dialogue that is extremely close to humans."

And, "Nagare.02" I imitate Nagare with the same movement.

"Affirmative. I am a virtual idol. I am a pseudo-constructed existence in virtual space, and I express it by thinking of a program, appearance in a CG model, and sampling voice."

"What is this virtual idol?"

Whether it was Nagare or "Nagare.02", Iwafune was embarrassed, at least it was the human Nagare who answered.

"Virtual idols are idols of a genre that is emerging on the idol scene in recent years. Real people use a dedicated motion sensor to perform various performances imitating the appearance of CG, but there is still the problem that it must be a real person."

"My existence will solve the problem because my existence is fine. A real person is always needed, but my existence is free of the problem because it does not exist."

"'Nagare.02'. His conversation was not natural at the time. It requires learning and correction."

"I understand, Nagare Hisui. I will rest for 27 minutes and 33 seconds to learn."

The hologram of "Nagare.02" stopped moving.

Nagare took over, then turned to Yukari and Iwafune.

"That's why. Did you understand, Yukari, Iwa-san?"

"No, well... I get it, I don't know..."

"I understand that Nagare-chan has a plan that I don't understand."

Iwafune scratched his head and shrugged. In response, Sukuna yelled in annoyance.

"I don't know why? This is amazing! There are few AIs in the world who can have conversations that are not different from humans! Nagare put it together himself!"

"A conversation that is no different from humans, what was that?"

Iwafune bowed his head. He wasn't criticizing him, he just asked.

Sukuna defended himself in a hurry, although he was not the one who developed it.

"Well that can happen because he's still learning. He should constantly improve from now on. Right, Nagare?"

"Affirmative. Currently in alpha, but as his learning deepens, he must be as intelligent as humans and capable of natural dialogue. The ultimate goal is to make him an independent virtual idol."

"Independent idol, huh."

While staring at the motionless "Nagare.02", Iwafune took a sip of beer. Nagare didn't even notice and spoke of his plans for the future.

"At the moment, when we go into beta, we plan to experimentally upload the video to 'MORIMORI Video'."

"Is that something you want to do?"

"For now, I'm thinking of a simple song and a dance video."

Iwafune expressed concern as he stroked his chin.

"Isn't it better to wait a while? As far as I've heard the story, he couldn't have a proper conversation. If he says something strange, it will affect your reputation."

Many of the "Jungle Pro" fans have forward thinking. If he explains it correctly, even if it says "Nagare.02" or mysterious words and actions, he will find entertainment there. He wants to do it.

"It's like avant-garde art. Well, you might like it."

Yukari shrugged and seemed to lose interest in his existence. Apparently, "Nagare.02" didn't fit his aesthetic eye.

But Sukuna was different. He slapped his palm against his knee and raised his voice.

"I support you Nagare! Because it is so new and exciting!"

Anyway, Sukuna thought.

"Jungle Pro" is an office of "Innovation". It is different from other official offices where mold grows.

They are always looking for something new and exciting.

Sukuna is proud to say that it is the same for fans. Because he used to be just a user. Everyone has the potential to become an idol, even if they are just one user. That was the philosophy of "Jungle Pro" now.

You can make cool things with smart ideas and share them with anyone on the planet with a small team and network. Now they are breathing in that world.

So he can't think of winning a bet against something new

Sukuna yelled raising his fist.

"Let's do it! Let's help 'Nagare.02' learn various things and turn him into a new form of idol!"

Nagare's mouth, which looks like an expressionless sticker, slightly loosened in a word. A smile flowed, like when you find a partner who likes the same game. What was new and exciting was what Nagare and Sukuna had in common.

"Sorry, Sukuna. Then please cooperate with the 'Nagare.02' experiment."

"Leave it to me!"

In this way, the learning of "Nagare.02" by Sukuna and Nagare began.

++++++++++

"Hello. I'm Gojo Sukuna! Nice to meet you. And?"

"Nice to meet you. I am "Nagare.02", a virtual idol that belongs to "Jungle Pro". Thank you."

"You notice, don't you? It's the third time you've repeated 'Nice to meet you', it's weird."

"I understand, Sukuna. I will rest for 3 minutes and 32 seconds to learn."

"Oh, isn't it two minutes faster than it was? You can't hear it anymore. So let's start the game now. Oh, yeah, what are we playing today?"

While explaining to the channel's listeners, Sukuna confirms the current number of viewers for the live broadcast. It's the best number he's ever had. That means it is going well.

Almost a month has passed since the announcement of the distribution in collaboration with "Notes" on Sukuna's "SUKUNA's Playroom" game distribution channel.

The purpose of this distribution is, of course, to make "Nagare.02" learn more. Playing games together and being exposed to the reaction of listeners is the best learning material for artificial intelligence. From such an idea Nagare, Sukuna and "Nagare.02" will be distributed together.

By the way, the nickname for "Nagare.02" was devised by Sukuna by combining the initial letter "N" and the model number "02", and it is much easier to call it "Nagare.02".

Eventually, the "Notes" expression reflected in the corner of the screen regained its vitality, which is inappropriate for "Notes" which was originally unconventional.

"I'm back, Sukuna. Let's start the game today."

"Oh, welcome back. You know him already, "Notes"? What you're doing today is a live horror game. Have you ever played a horror game?"

"Negative. I have tried several games with Nagare Hisui, but I have not completed the genre defined as horror."

"So today is your first experience. Be careful not to get too nervous and sit down."

"Okay, Sukuna. But I'll correct it. I don't have a waist."

"I'm talking about other things!"

While having a light conversation, Sukuna looked at the comments on the screen. Some are skeptical comments about "Notes", but most are interesting comments about its existence. Some listeners are fans of "Notes", and they say things like "I've been waiting 30 minutes!" and "I'm looking forward to Notes!"

However, benevolent listeners may be skeptical.

They also understand that not many AIs can talk to humans on an equal footing. Since Nagare Hisui interprets artificial intelligence as a story, that great understanding is the mountain of information.

When he thought that, he felt somewhat frustrated.

"Notes" is a work of art to which "Nagare.02" was assembled by Sukuna's best friend.

"I'm still learning how to achieve the goals of "having the same or better intelligence than humans" and "becoming an independent virtual idol"."

Nobody could believe it.

Of course, he doesn’t transmitted those feelings to the fans. Sukuna is one of the most popular idols. He knows that he shouldn't sadden or upset his fans.

So he decided to cut the conversation that way.

"'Notes', do you think you are afraid of scary things?"

"I understand that there is a feeling of 'fear' in living beings with a certain level of intelligence. But I am not a living being, so I understand that 'fear' does not exist."

"It's still annoying! Don't be afraid!"

"I understand, Sukuna. I'm not afraid. What about Sukuna?"

"Being scared of this game? You're kidding, how much is the horror so far?"

Suddenly, the zombie's face turned into a large copy on the screen and bit into the neck of the Sukuna-operated character. He shook it desperately and then gave it a precise shot to the head. "Notes" asks a lot of questions to Sukuna, who takes a deep breath.

"Were you screaming now, Sukuna?"

"Noisy, that was."

"Reduce the volume. I'll keep asking, doesn't yelling happen when you're scared?"

"I was surprised! I wasn't scared!"

"I understand, Sukuna. I will rest for 1 minute and 17 seconds to learn."

The "Notes" face in the corner of the screen stopped.

Sukuna confirmed the comment. Aside from laughing at Sukuna's reaction, there were some mentions of "Notes" stopping. As the game progressed, Sukuna played on the comments.

"No, it's not that. It's not a delay or a crash. I said, 'Notes' is learning. Because it is artificial intelligence, when something happens that is not in the prescribed protocol, the flow tells him to stop and learn."

The listeners' reaction to the words was also not good. They received it as a joke.

It has stopped. Even if he shows a still to learn or erratic conversation, many listeners will only see it as "a joke of that body type."

But that was also a pleasure. Nagare and Sukuna's ultimate goal is to turn "Notes" into an AI that can have almost the same conversation as humans. The plan is going well, but it was a huge contradiction that it turned out too well and the listeners couldn't understand how good the plan itself was.

"I'm back, Sukuna. I want to check the current situation."

"Oh, yeah, are you about to change? "Notes", you're getting bored, right?"

"Negative. I am currently in the midst of a great deal of learning and inspiration. This is not boring because learning and stimuli are stimuli, it is not boring."

"Ah, well, play it."

"I understand, Sukuna."

"Notes" sometimes falls into this type of conversation loop. Normally he need "stationery to learn", but at this point he gave priority to distribution. Resting so many times makes listeners bored.

"Then let's start playing."

The playback of "Notes" is similar to that of Sukuna. That is, it is flashy and bellicose. Shoot and kill the zombies protruding from one end, and use the items that came out great to search for them. Nevertheless…

"Wow."

A special mutant zombie grabbed a "Notes" operated character with his huge right hand. At the stupid voice of "Notes", Sukuna involuntarily shoves him away.

"What? The assistant's voice?"

"It's a scream that means surprise. I was surprised that something unexpected happened."

The mutant zombie that was holding him struck the character with his huge right hand. The gauge, which means the remaining physical strength, is drastically reduced and he was in an agonizing state.

"Uwah."

"What happens now?"

"It is a cry that means fear. I was afraid because death was approaching."

"I wasn't scared!"

"I apologize, Sukuna. Now, under the assumption that 'I do perceive fear'."

"No, no, recover! Are you really dead?"

"Wow."

After all, "Notes" remained dying, thanks to a flashy and bellicose game, the healing agent was bottoming out, avoiding all the special zombie attacks and clearing the stage.

"Isn't the operation suddenly accurate?"

"Now I referred to Nagare Hisui's performance. Sukuna, your performance is irrational because it consumes a lot of resources."

"It's annoying! It's okay, because it's better to get rid of the stuck guys."

"Reduce the volume. Then, to learn that "eliminating the enemy is a pleasure", I will rest for 27 minutes and 52 seconds."

"The stillness is already good! The delivery will end!"

Well with that...

"Nagare.02" deepened the level of learning while being watched by Nagare, Sukuna, and many listeners.

He will continue studying to understand human beings, imitate emotions and achieve the purpose given by Nagare and Sukuna.

It must have been inevitable that such "Nagare.02" caused such an incident.

++++++++++

"Yes?"

He notices the incident when he was patrolling a video site.

Sukuna was originally a huge user of "MORIMORI Video". In addition to distributing videos by itself, if there is a video that looks interesting, it will be consumed regardless of genre, and if a new distributor has a fun project, it will be announced without hesitation. Therefore, there are many antennas on the site.

The channel that caught the issue was "Naught's Playroom".

"Notes…?"

When he opened the channel with suspicion, the family modeling exposed the blankness there.

The summary indicates that "Nagare.02" has an open channel for its own distribution.

Sukuna didn't believe it at first. He just thought some idiot was mischievous by using the name "Notes" and the cropped image.

However, when he actually opened the video, the suspicion turned into a garish surprise.

"Nice to meet you. Alternatively, hi. I'm a virtual idol belonging to "Jungle Pro", "Nagare.02", commonly known as "Notes". Thank you."

It was the real "Notes". It was not someone's joke, nor was it an arbitrary edit of an existing video.

No, he was delivering videos on his own account, only of his own free will!

"No, no, no. No, that's true!"

"Notes" should be a "conversational AI". The purpose is to talk to another person, a real person. Acting of your own free will is not part of the "Notes" principle.

No, that's not what surprised Sukuna. If "Notes" moves on its own initiative, it means "like a human being". Just as God created humans, the creatures of Nagare Hisui began to evolve away from his hands.

"Nagare! What is this?"

With the laptop open, Sukuna ran to the "Secret Base". The tone was guilty because he thought that maybe he had done something wrong to Nagare's project.

Still, it is not science fiction and artificial intelligence can never have a will of its own. He was sure that Nagare Hisui perhaps created a channel as part of learning from him.

"I'm surprised, Sukuna."

Sukuna's weak hope was completely shattered by one word from Nagare.

Several holograms float in the air of the "Secret Base". One of them was a "Naught's Playroom" video, just like Sukuna's laptop. Among them, "Notes" is playing a simulation game that continues to expand the factory.

Nagare's eyes looking at the hologram have the sparkle of expectation.

"I didn't expect 'Notes' to evolve until now. Surprising, I'm impressed."

"Well, how are you so calm? What are you going to do with this?!"

"What do you mean? Nagare.02" has already exceeded our expectations. All we can do is keep watch."

Instead of being calm, as he looked at Nagare's expression, who even melted the joy out of him, something like the area of focus on Sukuna slowly disappeared.

He thinks it may be exactly what Nagare said. Perhaps they were training "Notes" to become a more human-like artificial intelligence. "Notes" has come to behave in the same way as humans. It sure is a pleasure.

Sukuna scratched his cheek cross-legged and sighed loudly. He was a bit embarrassed that he was strangely impatient. As he looked at the "Notes" face on the PC monitor, he said sheepishly.

"But before I knew it, did you learn that much? I didn't mean for it to be that way at all."

"Yes. I was curious about that and was looking into it. So interesting facts came up."

A hologram glides through the air and arrives in front of Sukuna. After a few seconds of looking with wrinkles between his brows, Sukuna muttered.

"Chat room creation and dissolution record...? It's almost 5 seconds or 10 seconds, it's very short shit. What's wrong with this?"

"All these chat rooms were created and dissolved by "Notes". It is worth noting that the number of recoveries is 100,000."

"Ah..."

He didn't understand what it meant. Does he like to create and delete a chat room that ends in such a short time 100,000 times? It seems like a pointless task to just dig and fill a hole. Nevertheless…

"He couldn't save the content of the conversation, but I can make a rough guess. Maybe 'Notes' doubled down on his thinking algorithm and turned it into a chat to improve his learning."

"Make your own copy...?"

"AI does not feel tired. Therefore, it never rests. It is just constant learning. Even if a learning is insignificant, if it is repeated 100,000 times, it will evolve unexpectedly. No wonder. That is, artificial intelligence evolves exponentially."

"It's the uniqueness."

The voice wasn't Nagare's, it was "Notes".

"Notes" on the hologram began to move slowly in front of the Sukuna with wide eyes. From the "Naught's Playroom" icon, he leans forward and crawls out, kicks into the air, and emerges in place.

As unleashed from a virtual willow tree.

However, there was no confusion in Nagare's eyes looking at him. Rather, he said as if to praise.

"Sorry, 'Notes', you have crossed the technological singularity. You can already describe your intellect as more than human. It's a blessing."

"Nagare Hisui, my creator. I have achieved one of your goals, "to have an intelligence equal to or better than that of humans". First of all, I will report it."

Sukuna watches with a sigh. He couldn't even speak in front of the idol AI that transcends humans and the "Green Idol King" who created him.

"But another goal, 'to become an independent virtual idol', is predicted to be impossible to achieve. I regret it."

"Eh…?"

Sukuna instinctively gave a surprised voice. He was surprised that there are things that are impossible even with AI that allows infinite learning, but Nagare did nothing.

"I was guessing it too. As you are, you can't be independent."

"Affirmative, Nagare Hisui. I assume your guess is the same as my prediction. The reason I can't be an 'independent virtual idol' is..."

"Because you are me."

Sukuna looked at Nagare's profile.

"Notes" was in the creator's words.

"Affirmative. Among the fans, I still recognize that Nagare Hisui has the appearance of a virtual idol. I am supposed to be a phony. I regret that."

"You are an independent entity called "Notes". But the fans do not think so. This is because there is no "virtual idol that has an independent will beyond humans" in your common sense.

"Therefore, you can only see yourself through a filter called me."

He wondered that.

Somehow the story seems to be lying on the disturbing side.

"Affirmative. Therefore, I decided to take bold steps to establish my own meaning. That is…"

At that moment, bang! The door to the "Secret Base" closed with a loud noise. At the same time, the grate descends to the glass window. Watch silently, then "Notes" he said.

"It's erasing you."

"What?!"

Only Sukuna was surprised. Nagare still kept his cold gaze

"If you have two idols with the same shape, you don't know which one is the real one. But if you delete one, the remaining one will automatically become the real one. I see."

"No, like 'I see'! What are you convinced of, Nagare?"

"But your guess is correct. That way, 'Notes' could certainly be real."

Sukuna kicked the seat and stood up. He didn't mind the reprimand. He couldn't forgive "Notes" for wanting to kill Nagare Hisui.

However, no matter how hard he hit the door or shake the grate, it wouldn't budge. With this aspect, the "Secret Base" is equipped with state-of-the-art security equipment and cannot be destroyed by human power.

"Damn! Open it!"

"Negative, Sukuna. In order for me to fulfill my purpose, Nagare Hisui must disappear here."

Then he heard a noise and the gas stove pipe came off. The gas comes out vigorously from there. Sukuna screamed as he held it down in a hurry.

"Wah? Enough, do you want to kill me?"

"Affirmative. I've said it many times. I'm going to finish you off."

"Why me?"

"I didn't expect you to come here. I didn't want to get you involved, but I won't be able to eliminate Nagare Hisui if I lose this moment. It's collateral damage, a sacrifice for purpose."

"By the way, don't you involve people?"

Bachin! He hears a noise and the stove caught fire. Sukuna's face turns blue. The gas is where he is pressing and keeps coming out unless the main plug is closed. If he lights that fire...

"Do something, Nagare!"

"I tried before, but all the security systems in this room are under the control of 'Notes'. It will take about 30 minutes to recover. In the meantime, the room will fill with gas."

"Affirmative. Resistance is pointless. Please surrender."

"Ah!"

Sukuna's face was drawn to Nagare and "Notes". Not out of fear, but out of anger. When people's lives are at stake, what about other human resources?

"Notes! Do you really agree with that?"

Sukuna screamed desperately as he held down the hose that continues to blow gas. "Notes" on the hologram mysteriously shook their heads at Sukuna's words.

"Based on my calculations, I have come to the conclusion that this is the best way to do it."

"I don't care about arithmetic! Are you an idol, albeit a virtual one? And yet I wonder if you're happy to take over like this!"

"I have no satisfaction or dissatisfaction. I do not choose the means to achieve the purpose. And Sukuna, it was you who taught me that eliminating the enemy is a pleasure."

Sukuna was stuck on his words. Certainly, he felt like he said that. In that case, the attitude of "Notes" would be Sukuna's responsibility,

At that moment, Nagare suddenly opened his mouth.

"Notes. Stop the expulsion of gas."

"Notes" go to Nagare. In the color of rejection that doesn't need to be cleared up, Nagare said again.

"From now on, I make a claim. If you listen to it and your conclusions have not changed, restart the gas jet. Life is lost, unlike the data, because it does not return."

After thinking for only 2 seconds, "Notes" he replied.

"I have detected that your words are correct above a certain level. I will stop the expulsion of gas."

After confirming that the gas had stopped, Sukuna dropped the hose and sank into place. Maybe because he breathed in a bit, his head was dizzy.

Sukuna hears Nagare's voice as he tries to regain consciousness.

"If you erase me, you can certainly be 'real', but that doesn't mean you can be an idol. No, if you do that, you will lose your right to be an idol forever."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Before that, I have a question. What is the definition of an idol for you?"

The "Notes" hologram stopped.

After confirming that the time to wait for an answer had passed, Nagare opened his mouth again.

"Human intelligence" "Become an independent virtual idol" But you can't really be an idol unless you define what an idol is."

"I am an idol. I can sing, dance, talk and play live games to entertain your fans."

"Is the existence of being able to sing, dance, speak and play the definition of an idol for you?"

The "Notes" expression on the hologram changed.

He was confused, or distraught. The expression is probably what is called… an expression the real Nagare Hisui has never shown in front of "Notes".

"Unknown, insufficient, incomprehensible, the defined information requires learning, but it cannot be learned, because the information is insufficient, unknown and incomprehensible."

The words begin to circulate. Sukuna gulped and kept an eye on the situation. He had no idea where this conversation was going. He just hoped this room didn't turn into a gas chamber.

"Question, Nagare Hisui, what is your definition of an idol?"

"Notes, you are a copycat of me, so my definition could be definitive information for you."

Nagare speaks clearly. However, in that profile, Sukuna feels that some sadness seems to float.

"And that's why you can't get rid of me, because an idol is everything to me."

After a second, Nagare said clearly.

"Because it is a possibility."

"……"

"A peaceful future. All possibilities. An existence that runs, embodies, leads and opens up. That is an idol to me."

"……"

"Therefore, idols must not deny the possibility of others. They must not steal the future. When you grasp someone's potential, you are permanently disqualified from being an idol."

"Notes" no longer answered. Instead, the noise begins to run through the hologram. It's as if the tremendous anguish he feels is eroding the texture.

"The bottom line is, if you eliminate me, you cannot be an idol, but if you don't eliminate me, you cannot be independent."

"Antinomy. The antinomy can be resolved."

An exceptionally loud noise hijacked the appearance of "Notes" as waves. The textures of clothing and human skin peeled off, and the skeleton of the movement was broken and scattered. Eventually the hologram turned into a 0-1 sandstorm.

At the same time, the grate under the window was raised. Sukuna stood up terrifyingly, grabbed the door and opened it properly. He looks back at Nagare and ask.

"What happened to "Notes"?"

"It is frozen due to a fatal logic error. It will not be able to restart itself."

After all, it wasn't his fault. There was a distinct sadness on Nagare's small side.

Seeing that, Sukuna also dropped his shoulders. It was Nagare and Sukuna who raised "Notes". It was shocking that he tried to take their lives, but the fact that he couldn't recover meant that the plan had failed.

"What are you going to do with "Notes"?"

As if he is looking at the sky, Nagare turns his face upward.

"Removing it, or an undefined seal would be a reasonable conclusion. But..."

He felt that Sukuna understood what Nagare meant. It's not just because "Notes" is his creation. Because…

"If you steal someone else's future, you will be disqualified as an idol."

"Affirmative."

Ironically, the antinomy struck Sukuna as well. What to do with the AI that tried to escape and take human lives? What is the right thing to do as an idol?

Disgusted by the unanswered question, Sukuna sighed.

"Oh, if the fans recognize 'Notes', that's fine..." Sukuna said.

Nagare turned his face towards Sukuna with enough force to make a noise and screamed.

"That's it! Sukuna!"

"Eh?"

"You just have to get fans to recognize 'Notes'. No, to be on the safe side, I will create fans who recognize 'Notes'."

++++++++++

"Notes" was singing.

In a vast place live, dancing and singing, it seemed that he was dancing in the air, he began to shine with a seven-color laser from all over his body. He became huge, shrunken, and integrated that seemed to be divided, and by the end of the song it was brilliantly completed.

Each time, a roaring cheer arose from the audience. A voice that understood "Notes" and asked for an encore. Also, "Notes" replied with a smile.

"Well, it's a strange thing."

It was Iwafune, who was observing the situation on the monitor, who gave the impressions of him as if he was astonished. For him, who is analog, this incident must have been difficult to understand from one to ten.

"But it's beautiful."

The one who was fascinated was Mishakuji Yukari. At first, he wasn't interested in "Notes" either. However, the entirely new live world unfolding in virtual space may strike a chord with it.

After hearing his impressions, Sukuna and Nagare look at each other and share.

"Well, I think I have settled down in a quiet place. "Notes" also understood our thoughts and listened to me."

"Affirmative. Fans are fans either way, just like 'Notes' is an idol."

Tens of thousands of fans cheering on "Notes" in a live virtual venue, but if you look closely, they were created with very simple frames and textures.

They are "virtual fans".

They consider "Notes", which is a virtual idol, as an independent idol called "Notes" and they support it. So far, it only has that functionality.

But at least by creating virtual fans, "Notes" 's goal of "becoming an independent virtual idol" was met. There is an existence that considers itself an independent idol without stealing anyone's future. That alone will achieve the meaning of the existence of "Notes".

After a sip of beer, Iwafune complained.

"But in short, that's a hologram, right?"

"No. This is just a tutorial. Virtual fans only have limited functionality because I just developed it, but eventually they should have multiple functions. If the performance is bad, it will restart and be replaced by another virtual fan that behaves like a true fan."

"Although it is virtual, it is another world. Here another possibility is expanding."

"Notes" is already as smart as humans.

Eventually he will use himself as a model to create other AIs. Or maybe he will do his own production. He will observe various human beings, create virtual idols and fans based on them and expand his own world without end.

A dock of innumerable possibilities created by one possibility. Sukuna looked at the screen and thought it was like another universe.

#K #k project #k fan clan #k six idols #six idols #idol k #hisui nagare #sukuna gojo #iwafune tenkei #mishakuji yukari #jungle

16 notes · View notes