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nc-vb · 1 year

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𝐎' 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐧, 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞

So... this is a culmination of that monster dream I had a few weeks back, and the weed-induced dream I had of Ayato a couple of nights ago, that no one asked for, nor was it even in my wips until two days ago... yeah. Uh, it didn't exactly go in the direction I was meaning to send it, but I think it's still good enough to post. Haha.

pairing -> body-snatched!kamisato ayato x afab!reader

warnings -> 18+ (minors & blank blogs dni), afab/fem-bodied reader + no pronouns used (unless i missed any, pls lmk); modern Genshin AU, major character "death" + mild description of a dead body; mild-yandereism + identity theft (is not a joke); noncon -> dubcon segue (agreement/contract involvement); mild smut (honestly like barely, ok), tentacles... not beta'ed.

notes -> "Ayato" is a body-snatching shapeshifter w/tentacles bc my dream told me so. -> it & he pronouns are used interchangeably-- "it" for the body-snatcher & "he" for "Ayato". -> italics are used for when it is specifically the "creature" speaking; normal text is for when the "creature" is using Ayato's voice.

word count -> 6.2k

No matter how stubborn you could be, the creature knew you would never be able to hold out against him indefinitely. Lately, you seemed intent on treating him no differently than a housefly, like some pest that needed to be swatted away— ignoring him when he hovers almost too closely behind you to watch you complete a task, ignoring him when he watches you bathe, when he watches you change clothes, just watching, it seems, all done to discomfort you, you’re sure, for to speak is to grant permission.

He knows you can see him, though. And the times he made it so you couldn’t see him were the times he enjoyed you most.

When you met his eye for the first time, it had been less than two weeks after the funeral service you’d attended. The sad, sorry part of your mind would tell you that you’d finally snapped; that the news and the loss and the forced acceptance of your fiancé’s death finally embraced the effects of the sheer insanity you’d been forced to engage in. An assassination? Despite the overwhelming proof, it’d been too much to try and accept so soon. By the time you bothered to, it arrived.

Maybe it was for the pure shock and awe of things, why it arrived carrying Ayato’s stiffened body in its numerous arms in the dead of night, like it only waited for you to turn the lights on in your formerly shared home so you could tie up the garbage bag and drag it to the curb— it waited for you, so you could see with your own two eyes as it absorbed the love of your life into the blackness of its own body. You’d only just begun to grieve. So why? Why… something so awful? So horrific? And why couldn’t it just finish the job?

Thinking back on the incident, you clearly lost your mind; not checking into a hospital’s psych ward for an obvious psychotic break was a mistake, wasn’t it? Maybe that had been the case before it proved itself to not be a hallucination from over-exhausting yourself. You’re stuck, now, latched onto by this being all because you acknowledged it once as your former lover— you’re stuck, and you know it. It knows this, too.

At half after five in the evening, you’d finally returned home from your place of work, the rush hour traffic at least a little forgiving on behalf of you and your sore feet. But rather than take an immediate break as you wish you could’ve, and as the creature expected and hoped that you would, you’d trudged into your room to change, only to stumble back to the kitchen to begin tackling last night’s dishes that needed soaking after you’d had the oven on too high, only reminded of them after catching a whiff of burnt food from your attempt at a veggie deep dish.

If it wasn’t such an awful smell, I’d have left it, you think, draining the overnight water into the “dirty” half of your dual sinks. But I can’t afford to be distracted.

You don’t even need to raise your head to know that the shadow looming over half of the kitchen belonged to the creature. You do your best not to react, not to look up at it and see just what kind of face it wears behind your back. Its own, or… Ayato’s.

“Perhaps I should have tossed the thing and done you a favour. Then you could put all of your focus into ignoring me the second you walked through that door rather than tending to such a tedious chore...”

Save for its eyes, the creature is mostly formless, able to twist and contort its obsidian-shaded body in all the ways the physics of reality should and do deem perverted. But those lilac eyes it wore, like a trophy of sorts, could not be touched, the “windows to the soul”. You’d wished this weren’t the case. You wish it would’ve “taken” his eyes, too. You wish that you wouldn’t have to see them again— not like this, anyway.

In forcing away a particularly stubborn piece of broccoli with your steel wool scrubby, your own eyes teary and burning, your elbow rams itself into the waist of the creature hard enough that you flinch; he, however, chuckles in faux discomfort.

“Ouch,” the creature says. “Though I can appreciate just how much energy you’re putting into cleaning this dish, you might end up injuring yourself, while you’re at it… Calm down, dear one.”

Don’t call me that, your thoughts hiss, and you only wish he’d been the type of creature who could read minds. Don’t call me that with his voice.

What on earth is with this strange concern of his— ah, its…? If anything, it’s only done you more harm than good— receiving such warm regards by something that shouldn’t exist by any means, using someone’s voice that should no longer have one, and yet it’s attached itself to your home like black mold— to you, like some true fungus. And somehow, it still allows you to leave it, believing in your return.

Is it because it absorbed Ayato? Whatever similarly human feelings it displayed for you must be because of this, must be because it has taken on his former memories and thoughts, his former feelings— at least, every science fiction movie you’d ever watched encourages this belief. So then, it must also mean that this is why you keep returning to your home, because despite such an impossible situation, this creature still has his body; it still defiled Ayato’s grave to retrieve it and claim it like a prize…

Really, what was stopping you from leaving and never coming back? No other person had been around that it could bother to threaten in order to keep you shackled to it— not that you received many guests ever, anyhow, but the mere mention of “plumbing issues” had been enough for your family and coworkers to steer clear of your home. It had never displayed any signs or actions of malice; it never made to harm you nor even the random strangers who would approach your home with their business agendas, and not even the sweet Shiba Inu pup you and Ayato purchased just months before his untimely passing.

What agenda did it have, itself, then?

“What a sour expression you’re making. Oh, if only I could read your mind, my love,” the creature laments. You rinse the scrubbed away food from within the dish before submerging it in the opposite, sud-filled sink— the current the movement creates beneath the foam has it slam into the sides.

You sure you’re not playing dumb? you think, embittered by the coincidence.

“Then I might know of the hate you covet behind those beautiful eyes of yours for me— the hate, and perhaps, the depravity.”

My ass. It takes every inch of willpower stored up within you during your time away not to slam the dish into the draining rack.

“Perhaps you think of me as often as I think of you while you’re away. I know I was never present when I was… well… you know.”

The creature shifts, carrying the wind with it when it leans further over the counter. You do your best not to move, other than in regards to your dishwashing, focusing whilst reciting an ad-libbed internal monologue on the history of glass-blowing— the molten glass, with a consistency of molasses, gathers at the end of a hollow pipe to be inflated to a bubble, where it is then formed by blowing, swinging, or rolling along a smooth marver — whatever you could remember from the old How it’s Made television show that would pop up on one of those free cable channels as a kid. It does little to distract you from the warmth now curled against your spine or the strangely comforting scent it suddenly begins exuding, such a familiarly sweet spiciness that has you breathing in just a little deeper—

You shake yourself out of your stupor, wincing. Thankfully, it isn’t full-bodied.

“Perhaps you think of me as deeply as I do of you… And isn’t it just so kind of me to allow you to leave this place and return, as if nothing? “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”— you humans and your silly little phrases. I quite like this one, though.”

There is another shift, one that moves into and past your peripheral vision in front of you— two black tendrils, dark as the charr you’d just discarded, dark as the rest of him, creep toward where your hands remained busied rubbing away bits of florets of broccoli from your colander beneath running cold water, and tear the dish away from you to rinse, himself.

“I do believe I’ve been quite patient for you,” he whispers from above you, voice still carrying into your ears from a distance. You watch the water from the tap roll over the tendrils as they twist beneath it, another desperate attempt to remain distracted. “I’ve kept my “hands to myself" and minded your privacy per our agreement…”

The tendril releases its grip on the colander, placing it loudly into the draining rack. You jump.

“But the longer you choose to ignore me, the more severe your circumstance at the end of our agreement will be.” You fear your lip will split with how hard you bite down on it is. “I now ask of you… to amend our agreement. To add another clause to it, even.”

It doesn’t continue speaking. It won’t be the first to do so now. Even the strange hum-like purr from deep within its chest cavity ceases. And you know why. This isn’t an offer. It’s an ultimatum. It’s the true meaning behind “fuck around and find out” to the nth degree. The longer you choose to ignore this creature, whatever secret plan it had in store for you would only be made worse by your stubbornness. You also know what it means for you if you do speak.

Your original agreement was simple: allow the creature to remain at your side, within the confines of your home; to share the same space you and Ayato once shared; converse and engage with it, and in return, it won’t harm you. But after spending the past few months forced into an exchange of dialogue that had you on the verge of tears whenever it spoke in Ayato’s voice, you could barely bring yourself to get a word out besides the odd, dry response to appease it, until radio silence.

The creature didn’t like this. Still, it never resorted to violent acts to frighten you. As if it drew inspiration from Ayato’s memories, it followed you through the halls and rooms of your home, keeping a conversation going one-sidedly, and studied your expressions and body language to its heart’s content. Whenever you expressed annoyance, anger, or petulance, this had been something Ayato did while alive, too, until you would cave in and discuss the problem.

It wants me to renege our contract? you bite back the scoff that tries bubbling out of your throat. What worse can it do than keeping me an emotional prisoner?

Because as much as you do wish you could flee, this creature still has Ayato’s body. Your Ayato. It has his voice, and his eyes. How can I possibly abandon him twice?! You find your brain is close to tearing from the weight of each choice hanging from either half— renege, or take whatever consequences might eventually come out of your refusal.

You grit your teeth and reach for the hand towel you’d tossed onto the clean part of your counter prior to starting, pat your sudsy hands dry, and turn on the spot. You don’t immediately look to the creature, your gaze focused on any other part of him— its narrow-but-still-large waist, its broad chest, the tendrils floating through the air from all part of its body, wiggling and writhing with such eagerness that makes you writhe uncomfortably in return.

Your esophagus burns, bile threatening to rise and spew out on an almost dramatic scale, when your eyes finally meet. They still belonged to the man you once loved, after all. To see them free-floating within the voidal mass has been… an incontrovertible pain to be felt.

Its eyes narrow down at you, too obviously pleased by your submission through its intense and perverse stare. You know it’s just thriving; simply by making itself tall enough to look down at you (by nearly four of your own heads) provided it with the control over you it so obviously desired. Despite the forms you’d seen it take, “human” was never one of them— until you submitted, you don’t think it would bother. Not until you submitted.

All of which, explains your confusion, as the creature before you starts to morph.

You’d never seen it happen first-hand; it had always been while you were away at work or to run errands (the only two tasks it permitted you to perform as it meant keeping you alive) or while you slept, both circumstances meant to provide shock and awe (questionable) to its target (read: victim). And yet, in all of its threatening forms, it never once harmed you. Too obviously so, it yearns for you, and it still does, hence its desire to have you change the agreement.

The first night it appeared, it made this known through its visceral ignorance of your personal space— standing before it now, closely enough that you could feel its warm breath bear down on your neck where it indulges in you — you, your own human warmth, your scent, the pulse hidden beneath your jawline — you’ve only allowed it to do so again.

“The amendment,” you say, your voice catching from its disuse. “What… what is it.”

The creature smiles at you, a barely noticeable split appearing where its mouth should be. Strangely, it’s one full of mirth, of relief that you’d consider its new proposition.

“First,” it says, that strange purring in its chest beginning once more. “Revoke our current agreement. One cannot be made as another exists.”

You refrain from sighing at it, and instead draw your arm up from where it’d been tucked between your bodies, recalling how the previous deal had gone down— an exchange of handshakes. “Fine. I… I revoke our current agreement.”

Your first mistake.

The creature chuckles almost excitedly, and it draws your gaze up from your own hand to look to him, eyes wide with expectant fright when its tendrils rise altogether. “Excellent.”

“W-Wh—”

There’s simply too many to count, too many to try and evade or fight off when they curl and unfurl toward your flailing limbs. You’d turned at the last possible second in an attempt to break past the barricade it’d managed to create with its body, even bothering to half-climb the counter for a height advantage against it. The tendrils free-floating near its head reach out for your waist, wrap around it and tug, dragging your one leg bent along the counter’s surface away and along with the rest of your air-suspended body.

“S-Stop!” you shriek, your panic clear and evident in your expression and tone, in the way your arms flail around to squeeze at the closest tendril, in the way your nails dig as deeply as your flesh would allow to no obvious effect. “Let go of me—”

“______, I thought you loved me,” the creature nearly trills; you’d caught the way Ayato’s voice warbled out of pitch with what you could recall the creature’s original voice to sound like. “We’re getting married next month, aren’t we?”

You tremble in its grasp, your eyes quickly filling with tears of frustration. Its hold on you is unrelenting, but not painful— it only restricts your movements and prevents any semblance of freedom as the rest of the tendrils join in, wrapping around your middle and pulling you into it— i-into, into h-him?

“______, dearest.” Ayato calls out to you, his kind lilac eyes shadowed by his pale blue bangs— not only would the creature intend on violating your — broken — agreement, but it would defile Ayato’s memory, your last memory of him. Hands still freed, you brace yourself against the creature’s body and meet his stare, and the tears accumulated on your waterline finally fall. “Why do you cry?”

You sniff loudly; Ayato reaches over your lap to grab the small package of tissues tucked into your nightstand’s drawer and hands you one. “Weren’t you watching the same movie as me?!” you weep, your hands rising to press into your eyes.

“Of course, I was, dearest,” he answers. “I chose it, after all.”

“You could have warned me it was going to be sad!”

“I-In hindsight, I suppose it would have been smart of me to warn you, but I just didn’t wish to spoil it for you…”

“I’m not mad or anything; gosh, I just—” your eyes drift down to the end of your bed where Taroumaru watches the two of you, only whimpering when you meet his eyes, and your eyes begin to water again. “I could’ve used a warning…”

Ayato pats his lap once, and ever faithful, Taroumaru rises to lay across yours— Ayato knows that when your cries grow a little louder, it’s out of relief for their tag-teamed comfort, and you squirrel a little deeper into his chest.

“Hm… Wasn’t that one line nice?” Ayato hums, only to rest his cheek atop your head. “You should never forget anyone you have loved”… If Hachi wasn’t the embodiment of loyalty, I couldn’t say what else is.”

“… h-he really was so loyal,” you say, voice muffled by his sweater.

“Then why do you cry, dearest?” Ayato thumbs away the freshly fallen tears. “What can I do?”

“... you can let go of me.”

You’d stilled, hands still resting upon its voidal form— once more, you avoid its eyes, Ayato’s eyes, because beyond it is the pale flesh of Ayato’s face; seeing it and knowing what truth exists for it is too much to bear.

They creep up carefully, these smaller tendrils that have deviated from the one curled around you, slithering across your cold, trembling skin with an unfortunate vigor until they reach your neck, your chin, your lips— you shudder, eyes squeezed shut when your head is tilted up and forward.

“Do you no longer value my loyalty?” it inquires in Ayato’s voice. You leap in its grasp when what feels like a thumb swipes across your lower lip before it rubs away a fallen tear. “It’s all I’ve wanted since my death… to return to you… to prove my loyalty… to show you I haven’t abandoned you.”

“You’re not him. You’re not Ayato. Y-You’re not… what I want, I-I don’t want your loyalty!”

“Isn’t this enough?” Two “hands” take hold of either side of your face and force you to face him. “Isn’t it enough to see his face and hear his voice?”

“They should still be buried six feet beneath the cold earth!” you shout at it. “What you’ve done to his body…! There’s nothing loyal about it! What the hell are you that you can’t comprehend this?!”

“I… I am… Kamisato Ayato.”

Is it… confusion? Is it instinct? It never explained why and how it chose your fiancé out of every other corpse that lies in that graveyard. Had it been because he was the newest to be lain there? More nefariously, did it see you and stake a claim on you?

“You… are not him,” you spit. “You stole him. Get…” You raise an arm, the only free one, to try and rake at the creature’s face. Instead, it grabs your wrist and forces your palm flat against its cheek. “… get… off… s-stop—”

“I have Kamisato Ayato’s mind,” the creature says. “I have his voice. I have his face— his whole body. Now, I have the human he loved. How… am I not Kamisato Ayato?”

A sob trapped in your throat escapes you, fuelled by the creature’s sudden decision to begin morphing again. It shrinks, though not by much, and the pale flesh of Ayato’s skin spreads lower, down its neck, into its broad chest, into its arms and torso, lower and lower and lower— your trailing eyes snap upward and away as it manifests all of Ayato’s former self. He is naked, unlike the way you saw him that night it appeared to you by the curb, cradling your dead lover in its arms.

“Do you not miss him?” the creature asks. “His voice? His face? Are you not… loyal?”

“S-Stop.”

“Do you not miss his touch?” Ayato’s hand squeezes yours. “You loved these hands… and he… thought about it so often…”

“S… stay out of his memories—”

“— thought about you so often—”

“— get out—”

“He loves you dearly. When I claimed his body… and assimilated with him… it was his last thought before his death.”

“— no… I—”

“He could not tell you then, and so I…” The creature’s hold on you slackens, allowing you to rest on your bare feet again, but despite your adrenaline, your knees buckle— instead, the creature raises two thicker tentacles to hold you up beneath your arms, Ayato’s hands still cupping your face.

Don’t say it, your thoughts plead.

“I love you.” Lilac eyes flicker between your teary ones and your trembling lips. “He… I… I love you…”

Ayato dips his head low to capture your lips, this time, and easily spreads yours apart to slot his own between them. You grab for him, fingers squeezing along the length of his forearms from his wrists, traveling quickly up the naked expanse of his chest and up to his face where your fingers curl beneath his jaw to hold him closer.

Oh, god… what am I doing?

“You—” your mumbling against its lips is nothing more than a nuisance to it; this, you know, by its insistent attempt to shove its long tongue into your mouth to silence you “— are not my Ayato…” Gently but firmly, you shove him away with a sharp exhale. Ayato licks his lips. “… but you have him, and that has to be enough for me… or I’ll lose my mind. You aren’t going to let me go, I… I know this! And so I… I have to accept this… but…!”

The creature draws back, its eyes so focused and trained on you that it becomes less unsettling, and more so embarrassing after you’d allowed it to kiss you.

“Don’t think of this like that,” it says, once more reverting to using Ayato’s voice rather than its own pattern of trilling and warbling. “This is a second chance with your beloved Ayato. Is this not what you’ve dreamt of?”

Another tentacle emerges, wriggling around from behind Ayato’s back to press against your abdomen. Through your teeth, you seethe.

“S-Seeing his face and body being used by some… tentacle m-monster—” you inhale sharply, the tendril’s reach extending into the pant leg of your shorts; it squirms itself past the hemline of your panties with clear intent, and curls in time to dip into you. “W-Why…!?”

Ayato hums disapprovingly as it twists in your entrance.

“You’re too dry down there, dear,” he notes, his own human-like hands falling to hold your hips, thumbs rubbing the line of your waist with anticipatory fervour.

“Why wouldn’t I be,” you demand through your teeth, and when the tendrils push just a little further, your eyes slam shut— you fear not even your glass-blowing knowledge will distract you. “Do you think any of this i-is… a turn on?”

“… I do suppose you have a point.” The tendril retracts completely from you, disappearing behind Ayato’s back; you’d winced. “If I want your understanding, your… affection… I don’t think we’ll be able to proceed with anything but him present. So, I will wait my turn.”

Somehow, the creature manages to shrink down to a more human form, this time, the same height of Ayato’s own body. Your fears shift priorities. The eyes that once contained so much adoration for you that now held inhuman perversion; the flesh that would warm your own so easily, now cooled and pale, not even bordering life and death when his body already met and crossed its threshold; the hands that once cradled you so delicately, so intently— you fear the truth in the creature’s words: With Ayato present, you know it will get what it wants.

“Why,” you start, hands shakily rising to try to push his thin wrists away when his hands slide down your thighs, dragging your shorts and undergarments down with you. While alive, Ayato had been averagely strong, yet you were still able to put up a fight in times where it mattered— too much teasing, too many tickles. This strange, gentle strength the creature displays while in his form doesn’t even allow you to budge a finger of his— “why me? W-Why Ayato? I-I don’t—” and as a result, your clothes are dropped to your ankles.

“Going after this man was not so specific, you must understand,” Ayato says, his fingers skirting across your abdomen, your body twitching at each touch. “My kind simply are attracted to the warmest body.”

“A-Ayato was dead,” you try to reason awhile pinning your shirt at your side— his eyes flit up to yours, lidded in a silent warning. Hands off. You lose your hold, lips spreading thin as they instead reach to hold the counter behind you almost bruisingly tight. “… he was dead… h-he was cold—”

“I did not mean him. Choosing which body to inhabit comes down to how soon after it dies— how much time has passed since they took their last breath. Crossing paths over his ceremonial burial had been a coincidence; it could have been any other body newly buried in that cemetery.”

Frustrated, flustered, and confused, the creature deigns to continue its explanation.

“You deceased humans are either burned or buried, and when you are buried, your organs are preserved during the embalming process. It is sometimes difficult to find humans so recently intact; many times, the organs are missing from their bodies for donation to other humans. When we inhabit their cold bodies, they never feel the same warmth they would while alive— their hearts do not beat, so their blood does not circulate, nor is there any blood to circulate. But they can sense another’s warmth. A lover’s warmth.

“At the time, I still hadn’t fully been able to understand humans and their need for a true connection. My kind doesn’t normally ask politely. But you were there that day— his lover. Your tears, your cries, your warmth, is the reason he was chosen. I desired your warmth. Your love. Your tears. I wanted to sense them for myself.”

“… and you thought using his body for your desire was the best way?” In steeling yourself, you cast a look at the creature, at Ayato, and this time, you don’t bother to attempt to keep the tears at bay.

You really messed up. You knew this earlier, but now... the realization of it just senses like having a sledgehammer connect with the back of your skull, like experiencing severe whiplash or like having been stuck upside down on the loop-de-loop of a rollercoaster— all uncomfortably painful things you pray you never have to experience firsthand. You’ve seen enough painful things play out in the movies and television shows you’ve watched, and so you’ve been fine with playing it safe in recent years— you’ve tempted your god with your arrival far too many times as a teenager and, for the most part, you’d have learned your lesson since.

Almost as if by means of a hallucination, you can just see Them standing in wait for you, at the end of your failed pursuit of euthymia. Breaking your agreement to “coexist” was a catastrophic mistake. Because now, coming to terms and accepting your fate is what your definition of euthymia has turned into. Coexisting is… likely no longer a viable option. It has become almost wholly one-sided, to be caught in a net made of tentacles. To embrace it all as you’d tried to moments before is to turn your back on whatever god you can bring yourself to believe in, to turn your back on your weak idea of overcoming your grief and moving on.

“It is like I already said,” the creature murmurs, much closer to your ear than you cared for, “my kind doesn’t normally ask politely.”

It just doesn’t seem possible anymore.

You feel them before you see them— the tentacles. They extend toward your limbs with a will, curling around each limbs tight enough to elicit a gasp past trembling lips— “Ayato” leans forward into you, forcing your lips apart with an abnormally wet tongue, an abnormally long tongue, that has you wondering if it’s the saliva or its length that chokes you as they both slide down your throat. You squirm in his multi-appended grip, body fruitlessly thrashing against his unmoving form; you can’t even draw your head back with the cool grip he has on either side of your head.

Your gag is loud, messy, and it makes the creature shudder, Ayato’s eyes rolling back slightly when its tongue travels just a little deeper down the back of your throat, swirling and curling along, tasting; testing. Your chest lurches forward, unable to ignore the awful gagging and tickling the creature had been intent to end your life with any longer, and with a sharp gasp, he’d finally retracted it. Your heart seems to race at the same speed your rapid breaths take, and you can’t seem to will it to grow calm again, not when it begins to matter most.

There’s no longer a barrier of clothing barring him from you, your blouse and brassiere lifted away during the brief respite the creature gave you to breathe, tongue extracted quickly and with an all-too unsettling, devil may care expression to match.

It’s unfair, you think, shutting your eyes once more so you don’t have to see it approach you with its tongue again. This is so unfair.

This time, he is gentle, not so intent on stealing your submission and instead curious on how best to earn it— it’s already learned the trick of getting you to respond, the trick being using your former lover’s image to stoke your flames, using his memories to recall what he’d last done for you while in the throes. Strangely, it feels shame for doing so— the last time you’d spent tangled together had been the morning of the incident. Human emotions are… complicated. But it is not without the understanding of loss.

His hand rises to rest along your sternum, a delicate gesture that sends a different kind of tingling down your spine. Your eyes snap open to find Ayato’s staring back at you, and your skin grows hot under his lilac gaze; surprisingly, when you pull away, he allows you to.

“W-Why are you looking at me… like that?” you demand, panting heavily. “S… stop looking at me like that…”

“He loved to look at you,” the creature answers. You swallow harshly. “Out of everything he had and everything he owned, you were his most prized possession. Ah, he also knows you don’t like that word.”

“That’s oddly hypocritical of you to bother saying.”

“… perhaps. But he thought you to be most beautiful. Hm, yes…” The creature’s eyes lower for a moment as if in thought. “Yes; most beautiful.”

Once more do you flush with heat. How cruel.

Still under its hold, the creature feels you go slack rather suddenly— Ayato raises a brow in confusion. Are you planning to give in again? This time, honourably? A part of it wishes you won’t. Not for the sake of winning the fight, but to have won you over. To have earned your loving gaze the way the real Ayato did; to have earned your warmth. It’s aware it may be deluding itself into ever receiving such a gift.

“… all of this has been for your own benefit… with zero consideration of me, the source of that warmth you so desire…” The palm resting at your collarbone travels past it, sliding up the curve of your neck until it reaches behind your head, his fingers running along your scalp as if to soothe. You bite back the whimper that tries to claw its way out of your throat, the anticipation of the creature’s next move almost too much to bear waiting for, and instead of drawing away, you force yourself to lean into his palm.

Ayato’s eyes widen— the creature is sure that if the man before you had any blood still pulsing through his body, he would be flushed pink.

You hate that the feeling of being held this way doesn’t make you angry— the acid in your stomach doesn’t bubble, doesn’t rise up into your throat and burn along the way. And you know why.

What desperation existed after you’d heard the news to find him the day of his attack, to be with him, to help and promise him that he’d be alright, to tell him that “it’s not as bad as it seems” and hold his cheeks with your hand— the guilt of being at his side would eat at you, even up until this moment.

By some sick twist of fate, Kamisato Ayato stood before you once more, offering the forgiveness you would beg any god to receive from him. This creature is not a manifestation of the heavens— this, you also know. Guilty of the crime of body snatching to its apogee but untouchable by humanity’s laws, you were stuck with him. You, the only person made privy to its secret. No longer would you be able to look his sole living kin in the eyes and share your feelings of grief without thinking of the monstrous betrayal of trust you’d just committed by not telling her of such a truth, but Ayaka would never be able to accept such horrendous news. You, alone, are the lucky one, now saddled with the grandest of burdens to bear.

Your mental state already carved as a rickety slope, what is one more notch to its road?

“Have it, then. My warmth.” The creature’s surprise by your words is made obvious by the flickering in his visage; for a moment, the skin of his face goes pitch black, a nod to its natural voidal form, only Ayato’s eyes remaining and seemingly hovering in the center of it. “Our new agreement… whether you’re willing to be capable of it or not… No harm is to come to me nor anyone around me. You can’t leave this apartment, not until I c-can… figure something out. You can’t be seen; Ayato was too well-known.”

“I understand,” the creature says, nodding, and its visage slowly gradients itself back into Ayato’s palette. Bound by the parameters surrounding the creation of your contract with one another, the creature’s tentacles are forced to retract— you ignore the subconscious curiosity that questioned his intent, his next moves, and instead force yourself into collection — while his arms remain on either side of you, pressed into the counter. “But… your exchange… you said I have zero consideration for you. I don’t wish for that to be truth. What… can I offer?”

“Time,” you immediately answer. “Your patience. My pain is overwhelming and you have done nothing but… sow its seeds and encourage the speed of its growth! And don’t manhandle me! That’s the whole reason that first agreement was made. D-Don’t… You can’t do scary things like that anymore, okay?”

“I—” the creature huffs in response, casting Ayato’s gaze down at the floor between you almost… petulantly? He was just chastised, and probably for the first time. “I will refrain.”

You exhale, yourself, adrenaline still coursing through your veins like fire in its attempt to keep you on high alert. It truly took making a deal with the devil to keep it at bay; at least now, you know your general safety is secured.

If I truly have no choice… if this creature were to simply follow me for the rest of my life… at the very least, I’ll live that life on my own terms.

“G-Good,” you nod, turning slowly on the spot to face the small pile of cookware remaining,. “Then… let me finish these dishes… They smell.”

You nearly shrivel up when in the corner of your eye, you see his elbows bending, and soon, you feel its cool breath on the back of your neck before its icy lips land at its curve.

“… that’s not quite the smell I was hoping we’d prioritize, dearest,” Ayato murmurs into it. Another smaller breath escapes you.

How cruel, indeed.

@c-a-v-a-l-r-y @leis-stuff @auraee @rvisn @plinkuro @vcvoxu @minty-vxnilla @ChaoticHearts-19 @stygianoir @imeanwatever @n-akaharachuuya @katelynwithpaint @sadflightlessbirds @sunnyf4lls @mydickisbigger @endlessmari @chocogi @hunterluv @kwelibeeery @okadahimeko @junephantom21 @kom4ya @barbatosfavouritenun @amilium @whorerificstuff @swivy123 @kwelibeeery @keelszet @aikxo @aliensatemymemories @jooniebearsworld @aydene

#i was down bad for ayato again for like a MINUTE OK #back to our regularly scheduled programming now (hopefully *nervous laughter*)#kamisato ayato #kamisato ayato x reader #ayato x reader #kamisato ayato x yn #kamisato ayato x y/n #ayato x yn #ayato x y/n #kamisato ayato smut #genshin impact #genshin impact smut #✦ nc vb.#✦ o' lifeless man #cw monsterfucking #cw yandere #< just in case #cw tentacles

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raytorosaurus · 2 years

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pls tell me you don't think disliking lynz is misogynistic lol i must've misinterpreted that

nope! it's totally fine to dislike lynz, i also don't like her myself. she's said some very questionable things and MSI grosses me out, as does her association with jimmy urine. i already know people will want to take this the wrong way so i want to make it clear that i'm not defending any of that. i'm pointing out an irritating mindless pattern of behaviour in this fandom that is immature and reductive at best and misogynistic at worst, which includes:

1. the intensity of the vitriol that is directed at her being disproportionate to most of the men ppl blog about who have done/said similar, if not much worse, things. and honestly in a lot of cases disproportionate to what she's actually done

2. the fact that i see so many people (especially on twitter) blindly jumping on the bandwagon of hating on her often without knowing what exactly it is they're hating her for - and even then, most of the reasons i see parrotted on twitter are either contextless and overexaggerated or not even one of the aforementioned valid reasons for disliking her. i don't know how to tell you this but if you believe everything on lynzuglyliar you need to reevaluate how you engage with information on the internet lol

3. the level of glee with which people hate on her, which truly smacks of old-school fandom misogyny reserved for women who marry your faves or get in the way of your favourite ship. on twitter especially it honestly truly feels like people are delighted to have a wife of the band they're "allowed" to hate on lol. i know a lot of that is coming from teenagers who will grow up and learn more self-awareness but that doesn't make it any less annoying or disappointing to see

4. the ridiculous mental gymnastics required to hate her so much while continuing to be a fan of the person who is married to her and in love with her lmao. sorry but if you truly think she's that irredeemable why are you still here

like. i hate msi and i go out of my way to avoid listening to them. but it's worth keeping in mind that the kind of shock-jock edgy gross music they wrote was not exclusive to msi in the 2000s. i hate it too and think it's stupid and counterproductive to whatever point it's supposedly trying to make but it was like. a thing for a while unfortunately. it was bad at the time and it aged even worse, but gerard and frank at the very least, and probably the others too, vocally enjoyed it. frank voluntarily chose to tour with msi and mcr performed with them multiple times and were always excited about it. if you truly think lynz's involvement with that band is indefensible, you should extend at least part of that criticism to mcr too. the amount of times i've seen people saying "omg frank hates lynz so much" is fucking ridiculous, and it's based entirely on the same kind of conjecture that led people to believe mcr didn't remain close friends after the breakup lol. if you have to make up things like that - or worse, make up and spread infidelity rumours or actual domestic abuse allegations (it's not even rare to see this on twitter) - to excuse their association with lynz/msi, you need to take a look at yourself tbh

this is partly a twitter-specific problem because that platform is literally set up to disallow meaningful or nuanced conversation but it's really exhausting to see hundreds of snippy "she's the devil" tweets and if you say anything vaguely critical of the the way fandom treats her you get immediately shot down with "why are you defending A Racist" with zero context or clarification. i hate to break it to you but if lynz is A Racist of an irredeemable level, so is gerard. hell, so is frank for blindly listening to and promoting black metal bands with nazi associations when he as a metal fan should know better and do his research. lynz's racism in question is the kind that's overwhelmingly common among liberal white women who are into witchcraft-type stuff. again, i am not condoning it, it's still wrong, but you cannot hold her to different standards than you do the guys in mcr. i'm just saying if you're able to acknowledge gerard's questionable statements and attitudes in the past, condemn them, acknowledge that he's changing and learning, but still go on liking him as a person and supporting his art...what is the reason you can't do the same for lynz.

i've seen people on twitter accuse lynz of plagiarism in an impressively tone-deaf misinterpretation of her art genre, sometimes the same people who would call gerard doing something similar a clever reference. i have literally seen people quote male members of MSI making sexually objectifying and openly misogynistic comments about lynz as some kind of gotcha saying "look, even her bandmates don't respect her" and like...if you can't see something deeply wrong with that i don't know what to tell you. i've seen COUNTLESS people bring up vague information "revealed" by her actual estranged family members on twitter after people stalked them to try to get dirt on lynz and if you think parroting back contextless one-sided information from other people's private family drama isn't a) about the least reliable source of information ever and b) deeply disgusting and inappropriate, i really don't know what to tell you

if you despise lynz to the point where you're in mcr's comments telling gerard to divorce her (again. i shouldn't have to say that this is disgusting behaviour) or booing when they perform summertime or accusing her of infidelity or abuse (which i cannot stress enough are rumours originally made up by frerard tinhatters) or anything like that, why are you even here. like what mental gymnastics are you doing to be able to remain a fan of gerard at this point. none of this is activism, if anything it's counterproductive to your point because it's indicative of the lack of critical thinking or maturity that's necessary when you're engaging with topics like casual/unconscious racism and normalised sexual abuse in the music industry

i'm probably not going to say more about this because this isn't really the hill i want to die on considering i don't even particularly like her myself but please i am begging you approach your dislike of lynz with just a little bit of critical thought and self-awareness instead of just blindly despising her for things that most of the men we blog about are also guilty of.

#the 'you' in here is the royal you im not accusing you specifically of all these things anon #i don't know what to tag this lol #answered #okay now back to fun times i habe pixels to stare at

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qq-is-dreamin · 11 months

Text

"Pinky Promises? ♡"

Pairing: gn! reader x leona kingscholar (established relationship)

Summary/Warnings/TWs: None; SFW scenario/oneshot with leona (also a reverse comfort fic?; ends on a sweet/happy note though) ♡

Notes: literally thought dumped and not rlly proofread, so beware of grammar errors and stuffs (again)! This fanfic assumes that reader is Yuu and that you and Leona are in an established relationship. Never wrote TWST characters before so I hope I didn't make them (Leona, Ruggie and Crewel) so OOC- It's a rather self-indulgent piece ngl so reader's mannerism or talking may be very specific?

(once again!! pls do not follow if you're a minor and I will also block if you're minor or ageless blogs; read more in my pinned post)

Brrring!

"Alright, well done, my puppies! That will be all for today's class. Don't forget what you've learned today and also remember to complete your assignments! All of you are dismissed!" A hint of a smile flashed on Professor Crewel's lips as he dismissed everyone.

Standing up, you stretched and yawned before turning on your phone (the one that Headmage Crowley had graciously gifted you) to check for any messages. You were expecting some messages from your favourite lion beastman (sorry Cheka /j) but before you can read the unread messages while on the way out of your alchemy classroom-Ruggie was waving and gesturing you animatedly to walk over to him. Curious to see him waiting outside of your class, you flashed him a questioning look and make a beeline to him.

"Hey, prefect! Since you're probably on your way to see Leona anyways, shyehehe," He said with a knowing and teasing glint in his eyes. "Mind passing these assignments to him when you see him later? He missed an entire day of lessons again! And Professor Trein is threatening to fail him if he doesn't start attending classes again." He sighed with his ears sort of flattened as he continues to speak. "I gotta rush for my part-time job and since you're like Leona's favourite herbivore, please persuade him to go to class tomorrow and also complete his assignments! I believe in you, prefect~" He grinned widely and thrust the pile of assignments into your hands. Before you could even say a word, he disappeared into the crowd of students who were leaving their classrooms. You sighed at the task given to you before resuming to check your unread messages -

My Lion King 🦁 : "Herbivore, you don't have anything after class right?"

My Lion King 🦁 : "Meet me at the botanical garden when you're done. See you later."

You couldn't help but smile and feel amused as you read Leona's text messages. Most people may think he's demanding to his partner after looking at his text messages. You know that's not the case. Though he does not show his affections outright to you in front of others, he shows his love and care in his own way- by being himself. His messages are actually indirectly telling you how much he wants to see you as soon as possible. And that he misses your presence. You pocketed your phone after sending a confirmation that you're coming and start making your way to the school's botanical garden to finally see your favourite lion.

Sure enough, there was your boyfriend was lying on his back in the shade of a tree, his usual favourite spot to peacefully rest away from other students. Though his eyes are closed and he appears to be snoozing, his (soft) ears are a dead giveaway. They're perked up and occasionally flicking, showing that he's long aware of your presence. Although he can't see your smile, you still smiled softly in his direction. Walking over and squatting down next to his resting self. You leaned down and kissed him gently on his forehead then said teasingly, "Good morning, your lionliness." Instantly feeling your kiss upon his forehead, his eyes fluttered open and yawned before giving you a charming smirk. "Took you long enough, herbivore." You then lowered yourself to sit next to him, crossing your legs and readying your legs to be his pillow. As expected, he took the opportunity to rest his head on your lap. You naturally began to comb through his hair with your fingers, feeling the soft strands between your fingertips and hands determined to detangle any knotted hair strands. His eyes were half-open, looking at you still heavy with sleep and he continues to lazily smirk at you. Momentarily, his gaze flicked towards the pile of papers but he ultimately settled on looking back at you and asked, "How's your classes?" As you shared what happened in your classes, he listened intently, occasionally making a sarcastic remark or two about the other first-years' antics. Your snorts and laughter at his comments made his tail swished. He enjoyed seeing you relaxed and laughing, and he was happy to be able to make you smile.

After sharing your day, you both fell into a comfortable silence. You continued to play with his hair, enjoying the feeling of the soft strands against your fingers. As you did so, you noticed that he was starting to doze off. Realising he is about to doze away, you decided to address your task. "Sooo, a little birdy told me that Professor Trein is not happy that you skipped for class today and also asked me to pass you your assignments for the day." You pointed to the stack of assignments. Hearing about that, he scoffed with his ears lowered slightly. "You mean a hyena, right?" One of his emerald eyes opened and stares at you rhetorically. You still nodded instinctively and he groaned in response before looking away and his tail starts to sway in annoyance.

"I know you've been working really hard with your Spelldrive practices and I've noticed that you've been attending your classes more often lately." You were not trying to appease him; it is the truth, Leona had been attending his classes more often, especially after you two had gotten together. Ruggie teased you both, saying that your goody shoes self have been a good influence on Leona and he was glad that Leona has a sweetheart around to "tame" him. This, of course, earned him an earful of (empty) threats from Leona like adding more to Ruggie's chores. Your hands continue to comb through his hair as you continue your words, "I'm actually proud of you. I know it hasn't been easy for you either." He puts in a lot of effort, but sometimes his thoughts get the best of him and he finds himself sleeping in his dorm or the botanical garden, where he can escape his thoughts.

As he heard your words, his tail's swaying slowed down and his ears perked up slightly as though in surprise, which you noticed and feel sad that not many have acknowledged his diligence. He remained silent, but he listened attentively to you, even though he was now facing away from you. You smiled gently and patted his ears, saying, "Like I said before and will always continue to remind you. I'm here for you just like you have been for me. I promise." His ears flicked and he felt his eyes watery before he takes a deep breath to calm himself down. "...Thanks for being here, herbivore. Fine. We'll see how it goes tomorrow." He mutters a response as he finally looks at you again. Your face lit up at his reply. "I don't know how much I can help with all these assignments, but I'll be there, cheering you on!" He responded with a rare soft and genuine look.

To lighten the mood, you quickly reached out with your right hand and hooked your pinky finger with his left. "I pinky promise to be there for you, no matter what! You're stuck with me for life and ever, Leona. Even if you're sick of me, it's too late to back away now." You said with a laugh, but your eyes have a determined and genuine look. He blinks at you owlishly, surprised at your bold promise. He glances at both of your hooked pinky fingers and then back at you. His lips unable to stop curling into his trademark charming smirk as he gruffly replied, "Oi, herbivore. You can't just pinky promise like this. It's supposed to be a two-way street, you know." He responded in a playful but serious tone, but did not make the effort at all to pull his pinky finger. He tightened his pinky finger in response to your assurance, but his heart was hammering in his chest. He tried to maintain his cool look, but he could tell that you could see right through him. Though he tried to be cynical and thinks that he's being naive, he couldn't help himself to be hopeful towards you and the future. In his heart, he silently made a promise to himself that he would be there for you just as you were there for him. He knew that he could count on you, and he wanted you to know that you could count on him too.

Ending notes: Thanks for reading my first twst fanfic/thought dump. This was supposed to be a lighthearted fic and I thought it would go something like this: reader was supposed to make a silly pinky promise like "you gotta promise to get me boba/something since I deal with sm Crowley's nonsense etc. /j" and Leona was gonna like gonna bicker (lightheartedly/affectionately) and pinky promised jokingly to "cancel out the promise" (mentally swearing that he will be there for the reader platonically or romantically ) with the reader, ending off on a sweet note. but as you can see- I do not plan my writing and just improvise as I go and it just becomes kinda heavy halfway through lolol.

I was inspired by a irl situation when I jokingly pinky promised my friend and said they owed me a lifetime supply of boba. They then caught me off guard and pinky promised back (to cancel out the promise ykwim).

For those who's been following me, I'm sorry I haven't been writing as much. University once again held me at a chokehold (and also I've been reading so much interactive fiction wips whenever I have free time-).

Just like always -- pls don't plagiarise, repost, or claim my writing as your own - instead i appreciate any likes, comments, reblogs or follows!! check out my other works if you like! I haven't wrote TWST fanfic until now but there's some Obey Me writings I did (Specifically for Mammon and & Satan).

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mr-stottlemonk · 1 month

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I LOOOVE your blog, I'm watching Monk for the first time and I'm in love with Leland and Adrian <3 . Also I really love the aesthetic of your blog <3 I don't know if you have been asked this before but.. which stottlemonk scene would you say is underrated and why? :p

aww, hehe :3. THANK YOU DEAR <333. sksks, i'm ngl, i didn't try much with the aesthetic so i'm glad it looks pretty enough.

ohh!!! welcome to the fandom/series brain rot then <3!! i'm glad you're enjoying it; it's definitely a gem of a series that deserves all the love and attention!

It is so hard not to love both of them so hell yeah, join the club dear.

*long post so more under the cut!

i haven't been asked this! i think... but i'll answer repeat questions anyway, so no problemo there. ANYWAY, let's see... underrated episode huh. i have a couple actually: Mr. Monk and The Missing Granny [S02E13], Mr. Monk and The Other Detective [S04E01], Mr. Monk Stays In Bed [S04E03], Mr. Monk and The Big Game [S05E03], Mr. Monk and The Class Reunion [S05E06], Mr. Monk and The Bad Girlfriend [S06E04] and Mr. Monk and The Magician [S07E15].

Okay, let's dive into it. With Mr. Monk and The Missing Granny there's that scene where he's just finished taking his test (not really lol) and he's locked himself inside Leland's office. it's very short, if you blink it you miss (i just spotted it like,, a couple of days ago during a re-watch) but he's trying to coax Adrian to open the door and he, so very fucking softly, says: "Adrian." before launching into this small, supportive spiel -> his constant support, even in slivers, of Adrian is so freaking beautiful.

With Mr. Monk and The other Detective. it's more funny "guilty hubby energy" than cute. he looks so GUILTY giving the job over to Marty Eels. like, pls. like @s-misaki once said:

the utter act of betrayal mixed with guilt he must be feeling towards Adrian lolol

In Mr. Monk Stays In Bed. I just liked the little scene of where Leland is Adrian's bedroom... that's it. lol. BUT THIS ALSO REMINDS ME. in Mr. Monk and The Very, Very Old Man - Leland was sitting in Adrian's bed and i'm just like??? ADRIAN?? he's sitting in your bed... gosh, i giggled sm. like sure, he'll probably change the sheets - but there's that hint of him always feeling like Leland is one of his 'safe' people. Physical Touch, closeness, sharing things is tough but it's there!!!

the little football rugby match in Mr. Monk and The Big Game has like,,, quarter of my heart (the rest have been divided lol) - cause?? the?? trust?? teamwork?? is SO NATURALLLL. ahhhhh.

the main thing that blew my mind in Mr. Monk and The Class Reunion was how Leland drove all the way (sure, it was for a case) but i'm just,, he would go anywhere on earth for Adrian, wouldn't he. it's so freaking heart-warming idek (╥_╥)♥️.

Mr. Monk and The Bad Girlfriend,, that ep,, i swear. it was just. it was a good hint of how Leland sometimes DOES get fed up of Adrian and how Adrian always wants the best for Leland. it was equally heart-warming and heart-breaking. the underrated scene there though was how Leland shoved Adrian...

it's a very raw moment where the both of them do not seem to get along at all because they want something good and dont see it right in front of them *cough*... and it's just,, Leland's words there: "I have what you want..."

like gahhh, it's visceral if you come think about it. they never want to hurt each other but sometimes what you want isn't what you get and you have to settle and look for something else to fill in the gaping hole :).

Mr. Monk and The Magician is simply me loving Leland wanting to toss anyone out the window and smash them in the face for even hurting a hair on Adrian or loosing sight of him. What a man, XD.

anyway, WOW. i feel like i rambled off your ear here (for sure lol) more than you likely expected me to >,>.

thank you for the ask dear 💕💕!!! i absolutely love rambling about every scene i can get my hands on <3.

#anon asks #stottlemonk #monk 2002 #thank you for the askkk <333 it was lovely hehe #mr-stottlemonk rambles

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light-everything-in-pink · 2 months

Text

If you guys didn't know, ASDIBAU ("ASDIB" will be referred to the in-universe cartoon, ala-70's to 80's, and the one with "AU" refers to this universe) is an RCP AU where a few details are present:

All of Broomstown besides the Rescue Team (specifically the RTs' counterparts) are part of a cartoon show with some sort of plot beats like Mr. Roger's Neighborhood or smth, but is overall a mix of Amanda the Adventurer (missing people and someone in the shows' tapes; also involves the outside world), The Stanley Parable (Narrator shenanigans in ASDIB and things being derailed when the wrong actions are taken), and a bit of TADC (forgetting names and trapping thingy) and likely Welcome Home? But mostly ATA and TSP. Might add Andy's Apple Farm elements but ehh—

If this ever becomes a fic, it will be ASDIBAU!Helly's POV, aka Harley Robinson. Follow him as he tries to get his uncle (Mr. Robinson) out of the tapes the former shouldn't had tried opening, resulting in the ASDIB's Narrator finding someone fit to play the role of the host, "Poli". However, everybody plays by improv to finish the ending of the last episode and it "()never goes right!()"

However, newspapers detailing cases of incidents about ASDIB's production's working conditions, Narrator's treatment towards Mr. Robinson—now having to take on the alias of the role he was forced in—once you view it under his controlling attitude, the unusual codes around the attic and the ones flashing on the antique TVs, the details behind Harley's blocked memories of his parents' deaths, and what his mother's last words are.

@"Find the tapes, end its fate

The only way, to stop his rage

Broken bonds, from his tomb

Dont let time, tick like a bomb

May I cast, the story's last...

...So her demise will suffice."@

(Implied Royber (past), Polroy (eventually, once they are done being mad at each other), Harley/Shenanigans, and Poli/Coffee)

#robocar poli #:)#poll again?!

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banrions · 8 months

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regarding transformative works of my stuff

hey yall, a lil while back i found out that some of my fanfics were listed up on goodreads, and i felt very weird abt it. and did not want them there, and took steps to get them taken down. (they're not published works, i'm not a published author, and i don't want them up there). some fic writers might be cool with this (for fucks sake ASK THEM FIRST) but i am not.

i also fell down a bookbinding rabbit hole a few days ago, and just went and bought a bunch of supplies and want to get into fanbinding. SO, i figured now is a good a time as any to just make a general statement that ppl can find with what i'm cool with and what i'm fucking not.

*clears throat*

i welcome most transformative works, such as podfics, translations, handmade bind-ups, fanart, playlists, etc. and would LOVE, nay, ADORE to see the results! You do not need to seek individual permissions for these things. (but pls pls pls show me them!!!!)

however, no one has my permission to upload my works to goodreads, or to any other fanfiction site (ao3, ff.net. DW, LJ, wattpad, YOU GET THE POINT) in english. if you want to translate one of my works into a different language, then you may do so freely, so long as you credit me properly and link it back to my original fic. if you do so, please let me know! (i'll want to link mine to it as well).

seriously, please do not post my works onto goodreads again.

i absolutely do not give permission for anyone to monetize any aspect of my works. including, but not limited to: for-profit fan merch, or fanart, commissioned book binding/commercial printing of any of my works, locking access to typesets (or other transformative products of my work) behind subscription paywalls, or otherwise profiting from a product based on my works.

you do not have permission to attempt to fanbind my works with barnes & noble, lulu, etc. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS WAS A THING, but it is, and it's verging on illegal/copyright shit that i DO NOT want to deal with, and at the very least it’s DEF not ethical.

fandom is, and should be, free and collaborative. stop monitizing shit that you don't own.

at this time, i do not feel comfortable with allowing any of my works to be commissioned for fan binding. as such, i ask that any binders currently offering any of my works for commission remove them. this does not affect anyone who wishes to bind my works for themselves, (so long as it's not the above, B&N etc) or as free gifts (as in, zero exchange of money in any capacity). you have blanket permission to fanbind in that regard. if you do, PLEASE tag me/show me your creations, i'm trying to learn fanbinding myself and would very much love to see them!!

i think that covers it? if you're unsure on anything and you want to make something, just shoot me a dm and ask, i'm not on this site as regularly as i once was, but i promise that i will see it eventually!!! (most other places to find me are linked on my blog somewhere, but here, just in case you're feeling lazy).

#adventures in fandom #transformative works #fanbinding #fanfiction #translations #your girl #and now i gotta go to bed bc i work in the morning

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its-tiamat · 2 years

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hi hi!! i found your blog and i am falling in loveee >< your writing is so good and adorable aaahhh they're really fun to read too!! i see that the request is open, so... i'd like to request some hcs if it's okay heheh. well... so, i'd like to req hawks, katsuki, and dabi (is it alright if i request three characters??) with a s/o who is an airhead, sort of happy-go-lucky person, who likes to ask random questions like "what if the chicken i am eating right now was your chicken's sibling? or worse, mother??" when they're eating dinner.

i hope my request is not confusing >< thank you sooo much! I hope you have a great day!! 🌟🌟

|| WITH AN AIRHEAD S/O ||

ok anon, SO, beside thanking you from the bottom of my heart for all the kind things you just said, I LOVE THIS PROMPT. If you ever feel comfortable enough to text me, pls do it. Like, you just gave me a genius tier prompt and two of my fave characters to work with so I'd just give you the biggest kiss rn. Also, requesting three characters is super fine (It's the ideal number! I love you!) and encouraged, so I'm sure I'm working with someone you like.

Pairings: dabi × reader • bakugo × reader • hawks × reader

To be honest, at first Toya was kinda worried about you being such an airhead. But that also means you're comfortable enough to speak your mind around him, right? He won't complain.

You love the concerned look he gives you when you do or say something weird. "You were talking in your sleep last night," he said once, while you were having lunch at your place. "Huh? What did I say?" you asked.

Toya lifted his shoulders: "you turned to look at me and said: I realized why it's called breakfast, because it breaks the fast. I mean you're not wrong but-"

"Love. I was fully awake. I was talking with you."

"...ah."

Don't keep asking him which food he can cook best with his quirk, please. The answer is none.

He must admit it though, your questions made him so curious. He tried to cook bacon while you weren't at home once.

It tasted like coal.

Also let's not forget, he's still a villain. Thinking out loud, you once asked him what would happen if he donated his hair and whoever used the wig committed a crime, leaving his DNA on the crime scene.

"Honey," he huffed, "my DNA is already on half of the crime scenes in this city. Honestly, I wouldn't worry that much."

It kinda froze your blood. Welp. That's the good ol' fuck around and find out. Maybe if you ever commit a crime you should drop some of his hair to the ground. Just in case.

Bakugo used to be. So damn annoyed by your random thoughts. And his reactions are so fun that you tried to film them a couple of times.

"Do you ever think about the fact that the bus we are in is powered by decomposed dinosaurs?"

"No? What the hell, Y/n. Wait, are you filming this?"

"Nah, why would I film it? By the way, do you ever think that maybe the water you're drinking right now has been into like, someone famous? All Might, maybe."

Bakugo almost spat water over the old lady that was sitting in front of you that time. What the hell was wrong with your brain?

You couldn't deny it, annoying him is part of the fun, especially when you manage to break his tough exterior, taking him by surprise. He's been catching up lately though, and he tries to answer your questions.

"Katsuki? I have a question."

"Please, tell me it's not one of your weird ass questions, huh. It would be the third today!" He said, holding up his head with one of his fists.

"No, it's a serious one. You know how electricity runs through water right?" you asked.

"Yep," Bakugo looked at you, "another weird ass question. I knew it."

"How do fish survive when a lightning strikes the sea?" Bakugo's eyes widened. How did the fish survive? Shit, he didn't know either. With a groan, he took his phone "I gotta look this one up."

(just for the record, they don't survive :( the ones closer to the point where it strikes die because of the electric impulse, and more die because of the shock wave resulting from it. I was too curious and had to look it up too lol.)

Keigo, on the other hand, loves your stupid ass questions. He's so on board with that.

Mostly because his head is at least as weird as yours, so even when you ask him what his favorite brand of milk is, he has a straight answer for you. Why shouldn't he have a favorite brand of milk after all? It's the one that complements better your favorite cookies.

You both startle each other with weird facts and questions lol. It gets to the point where it looks like a competition.

"What if the chicken I'm eating right now is the sibling of the chicken you're eating?" you blurted once while you were out eating at your favorite yakitori place. His eyes kept moving from his plate, to you, to your plate. "What if my chicken is the mother of your chicken? That would be even worse!" He exclaimed. You shrugged. "At least they got to be cooked together, right?" He nodded, and went back to eating.

You love how your random thoughts just make sense to him, and how your vibes are reciprocated.

Once, while you were cuddling, he asked you: "Y/n, don't you think some word just sound...plastic? forged? I really don't know how to describe it." You shifted in his arms to look at him "like, they sound fake?"

He nodded: "Like elbow, or aardvark."

"Like harpoon?"

"Yes! You get it, love"

masterlist

#mha headcanons #bnha headcanons #dabi headcanons #katsuki bakugo headcanons #hawks headcanons #toya todoroki #mha dabi #keigo takami #mha hawks #bakugo katsuki #mha fluff

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kedsandtubesocks · 2 months

Note

Hey, it's @toomanytookas — I figured your lovely fic didn't need to have the comments cluttered with this but wanted to reply to your comment, so here we are 😋

I've never tried pot before but mostly because I'd want to be in a really safe space in case it turns out I'm the paranoid type and haven't ever really found the right combination of person/place. If dealer!Lucien (or halcyon!Dieter 😍) were offering, I think I might feel comfortable enough to give it a go 👀 hehe

Re: Lucien's pipe collection, though, I have a somewhat amusing story for you:

Back in the day when tumblr for teenage me was mostly focused on crafting an artsy blog ✨aesthetic✨ (lol) and mutuals were high school friends doing the same, one of those friends reblogged a very pretty looking blown glass object and said something along the lines of "oh, this piece is beautiful i wish i could afford something like it." Knowing very little about weed and related vernacular, the next day at lunch I asked her about what kind of a piece of jewelry it was and she very kindly explained to me it was a pipe. 😹 I guess one has to learn about paraphernalia terminology somehow...

💖 ~ M

@toomanytookas My sweet M hi HOWDY!! 🥹✨

Thanks so much for stopping by I’m so glad we get to chat more!!

And omg it’s no worries you haven’t tried it before trust me! As someone who’s had bad h!ghs before it’s completely understandable to not partake so it’s smart of you to know yourself like that!! But oh man Lucien or Dieter offering is a nice temptation though so I understand lol

oh man… now I’m thinking of his chaotic it would be to have both of those boys in the same room?? OOF 😵‍💫

ALSO YOUR PIPE STORY!!! PLS!!!

Sweet young M not knowing yet oh my goodness lol I was the exact same way when my best friends took me to my first smoke shop too!! They had to tell me all the terminology like a bad cram study session and yet I still went in saying “what the hell are these?? are those BONGS?!” and I got shushed so loud so truly that unknowing innocence can be so silly sometimes lol 🪴

But thanks again so much for coming by to continue our fun chat!! I adore your comments and energy and I got so excited seeing your message!!

I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day dear friend! 🦋🩵💕

#☺️✨💖💕#asks and such things 💌#cw drugs #cw drug discussion

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pjsk-writin · 1 year

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Hello!!I love your writing sm it has me giggling and kicking my feet and the aesthetic of this blog is so cute too 😭😭If you don't mind, could you write toya, an, mizuki and shizuku with a reader that has tourettes? Feel free to skip this if you don't wanna write this!! I hope you have a nice day regardless <3

awww ty <3 and I hope you have a nice day too, pls feel free to tell me if you want anything changed bc idk how well this was written </3 I hope you like this tho ! <3

♡ TOURETTES - Toya Aoyagi, An Shiraishi, Mizuki Akiyama and Shizuku Hinomori x Reader

Toya:

If I'm being honest, Toya doesn't really know too much about tourettes until he meets you-

He's noticed your various tics from time to time, but he doesn't really want to ask you in case he's overstepping any boundaries

Once you feel comfortable enough to tell him about your tics, he'll be glad he understands now and ask you any questions he has

For the most part, he'll notice your tics but not say anything. He might occasionally give you a small smile when he notices, but that's usually it-

If your tics are more destructive though, he'll try to find anything else that you can put that energy into

An:

An has heard about tourettes before, but she does learn more from you!

She's seen you ticcing before, but she doesn't really think too much of it! I mean, you're just doing your thing, why should she say anything about it?

She does ask you about it out of curiosity though, and when you explain it to her, she'll nod in understanding

She also doesn't say much on your tics, because there's really not much to say- Most of them are out of your control anyway, so she'll let you do your thing!

If your tics are more destructive, she finds you anything that can replicate the same feeling but is safer. She once offered her arm to you while you were ticcing-

Mizuki:

Mizuki has also heard about tourettes before, and is surprisingly knowledgeable on the topic-

They've noticed you ticcing before, but don't really say much about it. If you wanted to talk about it, you could, if you didn't, you didn't. It's your life after all!

When you tell them about your tics, they just give you a grin and say, "Oh, I knew already!" They then clarify that they knew what tics were already-

As long as you're comfortable with it, they might tease you on them every now and then! Especially if you have vocal ones they can imitate, they'll stop if you ask them to though-

If your tics are more destructive, they'll usually try to distract you from them with something you like. Are you scratching your skin again? Have this really comfortable sweater you like-

Shizuku:

Shizuku is also quite clueless on tourettes, she may have heard about it in passing but that's it-

She has noticed you ticcing before, and unless they're anything concerning, she usually chalks it up to you just being you!

When you tell her about your tics, she definitely has a lot of questions- She just wants to have a better understanding for your sake!

Sometimes, you'll catch her staring at you whenever you're ticcing. She's not judging you at all, she just wants to see if you have any triggers and such

If your tics are more destructive, well, she usually just resorts to. Hugging you? She doesn't really have much else, and it becomes something she does on instinct-

#pjsk x reader #project sekai x reader #toya aoyagi x reader #aoyagi toya x reader #an shiraishi x reader #shiraishi an x reader #mizuki akiyama x reader #akiyama mizuki x reader #shizuku hinomori x reader #hinomori shizuku x reader

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regretisstoredintheme · 5 months

Note

HI OMG!!! IT'S YOU I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND YOU AGAIN HIIII!!! You are so awesome I'm so happy you exist please continue existing argahhrhs I remember sending an ask a long time ago and you replying so nicely and making me happy and I have not forgotten about you since (I forgot ur username but also I forget my own birthday so like/lh) rahrah I hope that's not weird m sorry if it is I uhhh

Neeways for the asks thing!! If if you're still taking (idk when u reblogged it I didn't see)

what made you start your blog?

tell a story about your childhood

what’s some good advice you want to share?

Pls have the greatest day and have a very good year this year (im manifesting it this is a threat/silly)

AAAAAAA YOU FOUND ME!!!! WELCOME BACK MY CHILD COME HERE!!!

Thank YOU for existing 😭😭 I’m literally nothing w/o you guys I love you so much — which ask we’re you if you don’t mind me asking??? :0 I don’t remember a lot of my works BFJBSJS

anyways! Answer time!

what made you start your blog?

I started it because I had been talking to a mutual on another account I believe? In any case @tmntxthings is a huge reason why I had the guts to post my stuff :(( ❤️❤️ they were a huge support and even gave me ideas for my first post: Leo x ShyFelineReader. They are AWESOME and you should check em out >:)

share a childhood story!

Ooo boy… which one should I pick? Alright. I don’t remember a lot from my childhood, but this one’s pretty funny in hindsight.

in 5th grade, I was definitely the “everyone needs to act their age” kid.. it wasn’t cute but anyway— one day when I was playing on the playground I noticed a little spider in the wood chips. I bent to look at it and a few girls surrounded me to see what I was looking at. They freaked out upon seeing the spider but I insisted I just wanted to help it and attempted to scoop it up.

just then, a shoe comes out of nowhere and steps on the spider (and, effectively, my fingers.)

now I have a huge respect for life, so my teachers pet looking ass stood up and shoved this girl. Not like pushed — like SHOVED. “That’s an innocent creature! This is his home! It WAS at least— how would you have liked it? How would you like it if I squashed you and left you to die!?” Looking back I was intense asf as a little 12 y/o but eventually I ran off after scaring the shit out of this girl.

I… ended up apologizing once my favorite teacher’s aid had us talk to each other but STILL BADASS FOR A TEACHERS PET WHO DIDNT GET IN TROUBLE FOR ANYTHING!

what’s some good advice you’d like to share?

honestly? For someone who’s just starting out as a writer, especially a fanfic writer, here’s what I got.

Write your favorites. Nothing quite like writing what you want to give you motivation. Have an idea? Go! Do it right now! Write the dumbest version! Build the skeleton that will build your life. It’s worth getting over the hurdle of just… starting.

Don’t do requests you don’t want to. take this with a grain of salt, but you’re never going to please everyone. It can be great to get out of your comfort zone and try new things with new characters, but if you’re just starting out? Stick to the ones that make you excited, the ones that make you think “that’s such a good idea!” Or “I know just the setting for that!” And take the idea and run with it!! Most tumblr users don’t even expect their ask to be answered.

#regrettable ramblings #regret’s sweethearts #X reader #writer advice #ask game #regrettable asks #ILY ANON SM #MWA MWA #ignore how mentally ill I was as a child #tf am I talking about #ignore how mentally ill I am NOW

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cummin-n-cryin · 5 months

Text

Announcement!

Tldr I'm moving blogs go follow my new blog @kyorot also this account will be deleted soon.

If there are any fanfics you would like me to repost/save on my new blog please let me know.

So, go to my new blog and say hi under my most recent post! Also pls let me know if the links on my pinned post work properly lol.

The explanation!

To explain my absence I got hit with a serious case of writers block or smth. I overworked myself like crazy and just couldn't write anymore. Every week I was trying to write out a 3k or 6k word fanfic and unsurprisingly it led to me just giving up. I pressured myself to put out stuff weekly, it's no one's fault but my own and I wouldn't be surprised if some people had seen this coming. I could tell my more recent fics had dropped in quality and I was just writing to get rid of asks. I felt too bad to just deny people's asks even if I didn't really want to write them.

I'm looking for a new start now. I plan to get back into writing but at my own pace. I don't have any new fics on my new blog yet as I'm still trying to set everything up. Another reason I'm deleting this blog is because I feel I have no control over it. I have roughly 400 followers which I'm extremely grateful for but it would take me forever to make sure these followers are respecting my dni rules (mostly the dni minors one).

Sorry for the lengthy post and don't worry, this blog will stay up for awhile so everyone can see this message and also I plan to reblog this message occasionally.

#thiccy talks

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devoti · 2 years

Note

now ship YOUR mutuals 🫣

tweehee >:)

i don't remember all my mooties due to the hiatus i've been through (;A;) but do send in an ask if we're moots and if you're missed ! 🫶🏼

@qrtmin : based on pure vibes alone i'm giving you choso cos ma'am i feel like you'd complement so well with his quiet nature and your bubbly (cute!!! 🥺) personality! plus !!! he loves to lay down on your lap while you stroke his head. MOVE CHOSO ITS MY TURN BITCH.

@shadowsorceress : geto <33 cos you're a little poodle skrunkle kitten just like him heheh don't be mad if i eat you up my honey crumpet :(

@munsonsins : gojo. you're gojo idc idc ur randomness and hilarity reminds me of him kenjaku's preparing a separate box to contain you as we speak

@dollzcunt : naoya cos he's our stupid wet blobby fish nugget but also nanami cos i feel he could take care of your princess nature <3

@explicitlyfine : scar ohhh scar <33 believe me, i'm dying to say kuroo right now but osamu's giving me a death stare ;A; you better believe mr. onigiri would be feeding you meal after meal every single day, the man would POUT if you don't compensate his dishes with a kiss >:(

@blueparadis : who else but our megamind 😭 i picture the two of y'all so sickening sweet fr 🤧 taking long strolls at night, megumi with his camera app always opened cos he NEEDS to take a picture of you breathing every second

@wakatshi : ushijima. your vibes are ethereal daria, wakatoshi compliments you so well if i really think of it. love you angel 🤍

@ofallthingswhythis : josuke because i feel like if you need a house burned down he's there with the lighter and a backup candle just in case you get cold feet heheh. tell me why i also imagine you guys raiding an entire claw machine just because it swallowed three bucks from y'all too?

@hyeque : tsukishima !!!! 😭😭😭 pls idk why but i love the trope where the bf's all serious and pouty while the gf's the exact opposite, and you really are the epitome of it HEHEH. am always living for your tsukki (+kuroo!!) hc's heheh, mwa!

@mrskodzuken : madam kisa, WHO ELSE BUT KENMA 😭😭😭 please, everytime i see a kenma picture on my twitter feed i immediately think of you ! plus, the ships that you post on your blog are honestly so cute heheh, they keep me going !!!! 🤍🤍

@nkogneatho : my sexy smexy pasi, you could only be one fucker and that is toji. don't question me, you know why 😌

@sinfuldollie : AÀAAA ik we just met heheh but id love to pair you with jean <33 i can imagine the two of you hanging out together, him holding your hand so tightly, often lifting your fingers to press a gentle kiss whilst you're excitedly pointing at the cafés you'd like to visit ! 🤍🤍

@kitagina ina 💕💕 my love i have given you SUKUNA and i even wrote a little au about it but tumblr fucking deleted the draft and i didn't realise 😭😭😭😭 BUT IT WENT LIKE THIS : tldr - you're the one person who could actually change that shitty mf 😌 he'd be such a terrible man with a terrifying aura to match but when he's with you he'd even let you weave flower crowns on his head just to make you happy <33

@5ugu : DILLY BELOVED !!!!! I've also written you a full on au about yuuta and yourself riding bicycles in the dark, stopping by convenience stores just to get a midnight snack !!! your vibes are just so cute and innocent together, everyone's always crooning about how perfect you guys are !!! 🤍🤍

#the incognito!

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lune-de-miel-au-paradis · 7 months

Text

No better version that I could pretend to be tonight - Nina’s pow

Summary: We can see into Nina's everyday life, who hasn't been able to get the glowing gaze of the unknown zabrak out of her head ever since.

Pairing: Darth Maul x OC Nina Cerasus

Warnings: Mention illness, medication, anxiety, emotions (Let me know if I left out something.)

AN: This fic means a lot to me and I worked on it a lot. If you have any advice or comments, please share them with me kindly. I'm posting for the first time in years and I don't want nasty comments to discourage me from posting again. If you don't like it, please go to another blog. I did my best to translate it, so pls forgive me, English is not my first language.

Maybe you noticed, but the chapter title is from a Hozier song called Jackie & Wilson.

Please enjoy reading!

previous chapter

Failure, that's how Nina would describe the week after that night. She had no peace at all, in addition to the university, she worked in two places, one as an assistant to a professor and the other as an inventory clerk. All of them were hard work and took a lot of her time. She had no choice, she needed the money.

Unfortunately, after her mother passed away, a lot of unpaid hospital bills were added to the expenses of her own medical treatments, and she had to cover them somehow. Her grandmother was a nurse at the local hospital and although she took on many shifts, it wasn't enough.

Nina wanted to help her guardian so that she could retire later, without worrying about financial expenses. At least Nina didn't have to worry about university tuition, since as long as she maintains an excellent average, she receives a scholarship.

This leads to the next failure she had. She lost her focus in school. Several times she found herself daydreaming during classes. She was tired and something haunted her. More precisely, someone, a mysterious stranger, with whom she did not spend more time than a few minutes of wordless dance. What scared her was that the more she felt the event was real, the more she began to doubt that it was true. Polina couldn't find anyone in the register, no zabrak were official that day, and the security guards didn't let anyone of that species in either. So Nina only imagined him, according to these facts, it was really just a dreamy image. But then why does it feel real? What caught her the most were the pair of eyes, the wonderfully glowing sunset eyes. She tried to sketch it in the margins of her notes several times, but since she had no talent for drawing, these attempts never succeeded neither well nor satisfactorily. Which is, of course, another area in which she failed.

She regretted that it wasn't real, she would have liked to spend more time with him. Somehow, she wondered about this several times. What if he was real? Would he like her? And she would like him? In any case, she didn't mention it to her doctor though, she didn't want another type of heart medication instead of the one she's currently taking. She was annoyed by the period until she got used to the side effects, so she stayed with the old one. Although she hadn't taken them in days, because they only dulled her, and she was afraid that her imagination was playing tricks on her again.

The next thing is why she was dissatisfied, was the results of her psychology examination. According to the teacher, her answers are not satisfactory, as the girl did not show enough sympathy for the parties involved in the task.

"What bullshit! That's exactly what I'm going to do as a lawyer, isn't it?! To keep my personal feelings out of things and do my job with a clear head." She was annoyed as she packed in the warehouse and checked the factors on the list at her workplace. The teacher had been teasing the girl since the beginning of the semester and tried to do everything to make her get bad results.

Nina's thinking was different from the average in the group. She didn't focus on whose situation it was, but what led to that situation for them.Nina's reactions were harsher despite the fact that she could remain calm in more serious cases, which surprised the teacher a little, so he sent the girl for a psychological examination.

"Great! Because if I complain about my problems to a stranger, I will magically process my traumas and, as a bonus, I will even be cured of my heart disease!" she thought. Nina did not believe in this, nor in hope, nor in the old and new gods, nor in miracles, but most of all in people, especially men.

Nina knew a few things. She knew that with hard work and the right connections, she could take her career far. She knew that her almond-shaped green eyes and the small regular gap between her two first upper incisors were the first impression of an innocent doll-like face that she could use to her advantage. And she also knew that each man lied without exception.

But now somehow it seemed that this knowledge was not enough for her to easily put the current series of bad luck behind her. Maybe the stars weren't aligned, maybe it was just the Force messing with her, but things definitely weren't right, and it worried her.

She was worried that this would be another failure. Just like her relationships, her health and her life.

And like another unexpected and unsolicited surprise gift from the god of bad luck she received another bad news that day.

"I'm sorry Nina. But the labor is cheaper this way, I can't pay you because of the increased trade prices. You know VAT and taxes...I have to replace human labor with droids." Hozka, Nina's now ex-boss, said sadly when he was dismissing her that day. Nina understood the man’s situation, but that didn't mean she was happy about it. She lost the better paying one of her two jobs. What is this, if not…. (drumroll please!) a failure!

She sat on the bus tiredly. She headed home, towards the village, which was not far from the city, but just far enough that it was necessary for her to rent an apartment in the city due to going to university classes in the morning. She made this trip twice every week, sometimes Polina went with her, but the girl was now preparing for an exam, so Nina enjoyed the peace of being alone on the road. In such cases, she also brought laundry and a bag for the many meals that Grandma Eve-Lynn had prepared and sent to her.

Nina loved going home, everything there (despite the many bad memories) was somehow comforting and reassuring. Like wrapping herself in a fuzzy and warm blanket. She always sleeps well here and even her soul feels a bit lighter if it’s possible. Maybe because it’s a little quieter, due to the lack of nightlife, or maybe because it’s close to her secret place.

When she finally arrived, she got into work. She put in a few piles of clothes for washing, one for herself and one for Polina. Grandma Eve-Lynn wasn't home yet, so Nina looked over their whole budget, while the working machinery hummed and hummed soothingly in the background.

Luckily, she had some credit set aside, so Nina didn't have to worry about paying off the mortgage. And there are also the medicines and the daily expenses…

As Nina calculates, she realizes that her ex-boss was right, the prices have risen a lot in recent weeks. She drummed her fingers nervously and ran her fingers through her hair. She needs to find a job, not bloody necessary, but rather necessary.

However, she happily included the amount received from the sale of the mirror panel dress in the reserve. Polina didn't know, but Nina sometimes sold this and that on the holonet, from her own wardrobe. She wasn't ashamed of it though.

When she was done with her chores, she realized that her grandmother hadn't come home yet, so Nina decided it was time to visit her super secret favorite place, the abandoned villa. She brought her datapad with her, so she will be able to study, and her telescope. It was late afternoon but she planned to stay for awhile, so that she can see the wonders that the sky plans to show her today.

The weather reports promised a wonderful clear night sky for that day, at least this can be a cooling balm for her skinned soul.

Nina moved forward knowingly, since she already knew the path in her heart, but before the anxious knot in her chest could completely dissolve for a little time, she received an unexpected call.

She frowned but answered the incoming call. It was her doctor.

"I wanted to reach you as soon as possible, Miss. The results from last week's examination have finally arrived. Several results are quite favorable, which shows that the medication you have is working. But the heart rhythm... the results could be much better! I thought that this should definitely be done to start something, it's not exactly something that should be glossed over. After all, you practically failed this part of the test. I don't want to scare you but the heartbeat is too slow, I think you sensed that too. We definitely need to adjust the new dose. Could you come in sometime for a blood test? " Nina agreed flatly then when she got the date settled, ended the call.

Nina stared speechless. In the early evening hours, some afternoon sunlight filtered in, painting the sky purple, and a light afternoon breeze rustled the crowns of leaves making a few rustling ones dance with it in the air.

Nina's results have been stagnant for years, she has not recovered, but so far she has easily passed all tests. From time to time, she was notified when a new drug or treatment became possible for her, but these, even if they did not help, did not make her condition worse. Her concern overcame the annoying happenings of this unfortunate day.

This was more important, much more! She already knew the doctor well enough to know from his tone that the matter was indeed serious.

When she reached the old dilapidated villa, she didn't even notice that she had been holding her breath in for that long. She let it out with a small sigh. Apart from that, she only heard the sounds of the forest, everything was covered by the peace of nature.

Nina was lying on the cool tiled floor of the house's glass-domed piano room. The hard floor below her, the purple-pink palette of the sky visible through the broken glass dome above her, her mind lost far away in the land of thoughts.

With one hand, she held on to the edge of the level difference, as if anchoring herself down with it.

Her other hand rested on her heart with cold fingertips, despite the fact that her soul was in war between anger and sadness.

“How long it will be until she feels something again beside these? “ she wondered

She focused on her heartbeat, counting the light beat of it. She caressed it as if she were cradling a little bird in her chest, which was beating at the wrong pace, ready to burst out ruthlessly.

Nina has read it somewhere that the hearts of mammals beat two billion times during their lifetime.

Bantas live between eighty and one hundred years. Wolves for fifteen years. Tooka cats live ten years and smaller rodents only two years. Humanoids live an average of seventy years.

“Would my heart have reached two and a half billion beats so quickly? But the doctors said it beat slower.” she thought.

She looked from the sky to the roof and walls overgrown with blooming creepers. Several smaller trees and shrubs have already grown in the villa, starting the slow but sure recapture of nature. Over time, nature always demands back what is due to it, be it territory or balance. Nature is even capable of self-healing.

Perhaps if Nina stayed here, she would lie down and let the many plants grow around her, so that she would become almost one with nature, like the mythological nymphs. If she let the roots, leaves and flowers surround her, like a protective cover, maybe that they would think she is one of them, a damaged flower, then maybe she would be healed by them.

Inmediatley that old evening tale came to her mind where the princess slept until her kingdom was overgrown with a dense dark forest and she was awakened by the kiss of a prince. Would a prince kiss her too? That would be weird. And Nina never liked princes, she always preferred knights and warrior characters in fairy tales. Maybe she could be such a hero herself, right? Maybe she shouldn't play the princess role.

She had it wrong all along! Maybe she is cursed with this disease. But instead of defeating it, she simply has to keep it in check. Carefully check and keep it level so that it doesn’t grow upon her and..

She was jolted out of her thoughts by an unexpected noise. The sound of a low humming engine. She sat up and began to listen. It was definitely the sound of a vehicle, a ship. But so quiet? She jumped up and hurried towards the garden, she didn't see anything, the noise also stopped. She ran out towards the lake when she saw a figure. A tall figure in a dark hood and cloak stood, turning towards her, but his movements were uncertain. Before she could even think that it was safe for her, Nina was already standing in front of the stranger. He extended his black gloved hand towards her. Nina caught the stranger's eyes for a moment. He had intensely shining golden eyes, his gaze was glowing, it reminded Nina to ember. Then the moment passed and the stranger collapsed, dragging the girl by her hair with him down.

Mood board made by me, pictures are from Pinterest.

next chapter

Taglist: @cloneloverrrrr @hellhound5925 @stardustbee @the-chains-are-the-easy-part

Let me know if you want to be added 💖

#star wars #darth maul #nika's writing #starcrossed #starcrossed fic #darth maul x oc #darth maul x oc nina cerasus #maul x nina #oc nina cerasus #original character #backstory #before the phantom menance

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