#im sorry to get so negative in a post thats supposed to be positive and bring levity to the darkness we've had this past month

[vinetwine]

when reading a lot of these varying tarot on ateez in relationships, hmm I have mixed feelings and I dont think theyd either be experienced enough or maybe they seem to want to control their partner in some way or other like idfk I cant even word it but I think many people might assume the members would be so dateable but I often dont get that vibe from some of the ateez. even the ones I personally wouldve liked sometimes give an off feeling if they were dating. I know tarot isnt set in stone and its usually what the reader interprete but tell me if im right in any of these guesses or wrong im not fussed just wanted to ask for your opinion.

cause idols are meant to be seen as perfect boyfriends to their fans right?

the members id avoid dating or being if i had to pick: seonghwa (fuckboi alert, he has many red flags imho probs uses his idol title to get into fwbs or doesnt take enough precautions in the bedroom department), san (again im on the fence sometimes i buy into his perfect prince image a little too much but i dont think thats always the case with him maybe he wants something to be so perfect about his partner, like if there was a situation where his fs would have to say no to something or if he just wouldnt take critique of any sorts or he just seems to have really fixed ideals on what he wants in a relationship not a bad thing but doesnt leave much room for error or for something different than what he wants it to be), hongjoong (sorry bub i love his performances but i will leave it at that it seems like if he isnt in control of his partner or if his partner doesnt let him act like the boss of the relationship then i wonder if he would grt kinda scary to be around?)

overall i still think ateez for example they might want mature partners who dont demand a lot from them but they themselves might still come across as immature aside from jongho (hes the most mature out of ateez imho)

im sure the members are nice on the surface but sometimes i dont always see them as the perfect boyfriend image that many people put on a lot of these idols like their expectations of their partners must be through the roof yeah kinda glad it isnt me thats going to date them cause i think id have some type of mental struggles each of the ones i picked.

who would you pick to avoid in possible relationship?

🍷...

the following is my own personal opinion in response to this ask.

yes as you mentioned and as i like to disclose tarot is heavily interpretation based above all else. it should never ever be taken 100% seriously. so i am glad you emphasized that. tarot is also very energy based and can change rapidly. even a bad mood might reflect a more negative result.

the readings i have done for them so far reflect mostly good things. which if i have to say so myself - feel very condensed and idealistic. of course no relationship will be picture perfect. there will be struggles. and i am aware a lot of readings do not reflect that. not just mine but a majority.

i suppose a flipside of a coin is to consider toxic positivity and idealism if all the cards feel a little too perfect. take the whole "hongjoong finds his soulmate attractive" post for example. almost every reading i have seen posted and have conducted myself in these past few years will talk about his possible obsession with his romantic soulmate.

i do not know hongjoong myself obviously but if this does turn out to be the case then he could potentially very easily dismiss a lot of negative or toxic behavior for the sake of soulmates. while this would be done with a good intention it can be very destructive.

in the case of seonghwa i find his energy very sweet and comforting in a general sense though i have never asked an in depth question about views on love and such. i have seen other readings and astrological observations for him that mention this possible side of him though but i try not to be biased when i receive my own results.

i have never felt a possessive vibe from seonghwa and san in an overbearing sense. though i also never ask. i have received results that they would possibly like to be the protectors in the case of a romantic relationship. but some people do take it too far and almost baby their partner in every aspect of life. so this can be seen as a potential negative though i did read that san and seonghwa seem to like maturity and independence.

so yes as you said i also do believe they would all appreciate a mature person for that matter. but some would cling more than others ? i think we should keep in mind that - yes they are grown men in their mid twenties but they are still young rich and very attractive. it can be very easy to get caught up in the high life. and if there are some less than desirable traits we are unaware of - they may quell as they slow down their idol activities and do something else.

ultimately all idols are human beings. they can not be and are not perfect. that is simply impossible. while i do believe for most idols that a good portion of their true personalities shine through on camera - it would be fair to assume it is at least exaggerated or scripted. sadly that is normalcy in such a manufactured and parasocial industry where they can not even stand up for themselves.

and because they are human they would have relationships with other humans. and because no human is perfect. there will be flaws. so i believe you are correct in calling it an image.

i personally have no strong feelings on who i would or would not avoid in ateez as a result of my readings. i take everything on camera with a grain of salt yes but i also do the same for my cards. the only way to know how authentic they may be is to know them personally and even then people can be very good at hiding who they really are.

and because i have never even seen them in concert thus far i obviously do not know them on a personal level. so i can not say.

#🍷 #belle.

[falthiere]

negativity

i feel like my art may have been viewed as more impressive back when i was like, 14 or 16, but now that i’m 19 and rapidly approaching 20 it kind of feels like i’ve just fallen behind

and yeah, that’s my own fault, but... you get what i mean

you see those “two cakes” posts and like... maybe that’s true Occasionally? but it like. kind of is extremely not the case. especially for original content... but also content in fandoms too. i find that theres not a huge “two cakes” mentality at all actually... especially if one is far inferior

unless if it’s for content that’s rarer in general.

but i don’t know. i don’t really derive a lot of meaning or worth from what i create anymore. it’s just not up to par and i often dislike the process but sunk cost fallacy demands i keep doing it on the off chance i make something i like... or that other people like.

even the stuff that’s supposed to only be for me are things i sent to friends and i’m kind of reliant on the positive feedback.

and finding a new hobby would be starting from square 1 and if there’s one thing i know about myself it’s that i hate being bad at things. so picking up anything new is virtually impossible

i get that 19/Young Adult is barely older than being a teen in the grand scheme of things and its my own responsibility to improve but. i’ve been so stagnant for so long and i kind of hate the direction my life is taking but i also just. don’t have the energy or motivation to try and change its course at all.

which kind of results in me existing but not really living a life. and you only get one so thats kinda bad. and ive wasted my teen years anyways.

i daydream of dying a lot... but i still don’t think i’ll ever kermit... so it’s not really all that serious. i’m just sort of a leech right now. the kind of mindset where it would be easier if i had just never existed idk

wish i could tell my younger self that it doesnt get better. just kermit now girl.

also um im kind of not interested in responses to this sorry those kinds of things don’t really help

#dream journal

[vminvisiblestring]

How Robert Berens Made Destiel Canon

or The Beautifully Tragic Road to Destiel

in honor of their one month anniversary, i want to talk about robert berens and how he made it his mission to make destiel canon and the care he took approaching their relationship...

i dont know if this has been pointed out before, but i was looking at the episodes bobo berens wrote when i realized something: he wrote all the significant destiel episodes in s15. i think that means he probably planned to make destiel canon long before s15 started:

he hid a love story inside the monster story. a love story told in five parts:

• initiating event

• rising action

• climax (first twist)

• falling action

• second twist (no resolution)

14x18: absence - “initiating event”

the initiating event introduces the conflict and sets events into motion in a story.

in absence, cas reveals to dean that jack might not have a soul and therefore might not know that hurting his mother was wrong. this angers dean and results in dean telling cas “youre dead to me”. this initiates a chain of events that lead their relationship to experience a tear (or rupture).

15x03: the rupture - “rising action”

the rising action is the result of a character trying to (in this case) solve a problem but a force is at conflict with the character. for every step taken, there is either a successful or failed outcome; this pattern continues all the way to the climax.

complications in dean and cas’s relationship continue to widen the distance between them into the start of season 15 with the deaths of rowena and belphagor (for which dean blames cas) culminating in the infamous “breakup” scene. cas said there was nothing left for him anymore and leaves dean.

15x08: our father who arent in heaven - “rising action”

bobo didnt write this episode but its important to the path because rowena tells dean and cas to fix their relationship in the same episode that michael sends them to purgatory (aka the place dean realized he was in love with cas all those years ago and where they fixed their relationship the first time)

15x09: the trap - ‘climax & first twist”

the climax is the most emotional part of the story and is reached when the character takes the final step to resolve their problem. this is also where the turning point of the story begins and descends to the falling action (and if there is a plot twist, it happens here).

the first twist: dean confesses first. this scene is deans confession disguised as an apology. he might lose cas and needed him to know hes sorry. the prayer scene is so important because, if we read the scene, this is in fact, an apology, but its so much more than that. dean responds to cas’s “i left but you didnt stop me” with “i should have stopped you”. this scene showed just how much dean has grown, how much he’s trying and how much he wants to be free of the anger he feels because he realized it was what separated him from the man he loves on multiple occasions. this is deans way of saying “im sorry. i didnt mean anything i said. you are the most important person in my life and i let you leave. i shouldnt have let you leave. thats my fault. im trying to get better. please tell me you’re gonna be okay. tell me this isnt the last time i’ll ever see you. please. i love you”.

dean and cas reunite near the rift but dean doesnt want to leave before telling cas something. we know it cant be the prayer because its obvious cas heard that; this is something else, but cas stops him. this scene is them making amends with each other the best way they know how: a silent knowing. the conflict has finally been resolved.

15x12: galaxy brain - “falling action”

the falling action consists of the after-effects of the climax and every event from here onward should lead to a logical conclusion.

dean and cas’s relationship is better, they seem at peace. the silent knowing is definitely there, and they both seem comfortable the way they left things. the way things are going, they’ll likely have as much a “happy” ending as a fallen angel and a hunter can have without talking about this silent knowing. we cant forget about the looming empty deal, but knowing cas will never be truly happy, it seems like dean and cas are going to be friends for a long time...

15x18: despair - “second twist”

after the falling action comes the resolution. sometimes in film and television, a surprise second twist will occur after the climax and toss the characters into another fight. the second twist is resolved quicker than the first and leads to a speedy resolution.

the second twist here, however, replaces the resolution because the story of destiel sadly and infuriatingly, never got its resolution.

i feel like bobo was told cas was going to get killed off and thats why he knew there was no way the network would allow dean to reciprocate so he did the best he could to work around the homophobia and make destiel canon as much as possible for us.

this is the most “resolution” we were given by a show we spent years watching and loving. we rooted for the characters, we fought as much for their happiness as they did themselves. and it ended up stabbing jensen, misha, bobo, other cast members, some writers and the fans in the back.

deans face here is all i have left to hold on to and thats not fair. and its not fair that after all these years this is what they did to one of the most complex love stories ever told. not only that, but dean and cas were also some of the complex characters ever put to screen. this is not a good ending for them and it never will be. not until they both get the endings they deserve, as individuals and as one. and im sorry for the pain all this mess has caused and would like nothing more than to squeeze everyone really tight and tell you it’ll be okay.

#destiel #cockles #jensen literally approved of misha and bobos plans for destiel #i mean whenever jensen directed he made sure there were destiel scenes #he WANTED dean and cas to become more intimate #dean and cas deserved to speak their truth and be happy together #not to mention a majority of destiel shippers and dean and cas stans are #lgbtq #so thats just another big fuck you on top of the spits and slaps to our faces with that finale #im sorry to get so negative in a post thats supposed to be positive and bring levity to the darkness we've had this past month #i just cant help but feel so much anger #for robert berens #for jensen #for misha #for us #anyways always remember #destiel is fucking canon #and #homosexual declaration of love #deancas #dean winchester #dean #castiel #cas #supernatural #supernatural final season #spn #bobo berens #jensen ackles #jensen

[bi-lesbian]

Hey I support your identity but sometimes the way you talk about lesbians (the ones who don’t like men) sometimes feels like you’re just pushing them into the “angry lesbian” stereotype. I’m sick of seeing queer people vilified and although that’s not an excuse for people being rude to you, it’s not the fault of lesbians as a whole. Please think carefully about how you speak about people when you so strongly preach for positivity.

i understand what youre meaning, but i dont recall having talked like this before? my memory isnt the best so maybe i had worded some things badly and dont remember, but im pretty sure any time ive talked negatively was just directed toward politcal lesbians/radfems and exclusionists? even in a recent post where i talked negatively about the lesbian community i didnt direct it in a way like "lesbians are angry and hateful," i just said that the lesbian community has a huge issue with exclusionism and hate, due to the amount of radfems and radfem rhetoric spread around. i dont see how pointing out a bad and common issue in a community is villifying people of the identity as a whole? (if thats something you were refering to)

ill try to keep this in mind though and make sure im careful with my wordings in the future, and im sorry if im wrong and Have been been blamey towards lesbians as a whole :O and also sorry that i get kind of angry in general sometimes, i try to avoid it but i just get really really sick of exclusionism and how people treat others in the community when its supposed to be a safe place for everyone and not judging about their identity. i think i also have a problem of sounding more angry in text than i actually am since i tend to cuss a lot, so im sorry if thats offputting as well :O

#bi lesbiask #if there are specific instances anyone sees where i sounded villifying towards lesbians #lmk so i can get a better idea of what i may have done wrong :Oo #id appreciate it!

[eroticcannibal]

(1of4) Ok so kind of kink hour, kind of angsty, but do u think its possible 2 b, like, dysphoric but in a kink way? Like Ive got a kink of the lifestyle variety (nervous to specify what it is), that Ive had nearly my whole life, & I literally dont kno how 2 explain this feeling besides as social/physical dysphoria, but 4 kink stuff. Like all I can think of is that post that went around awhile back talking abt the difference between 'Identifying as a dinosaur' as a kid vs 'Pretending 2 b a

(2of4) dinosaur', & how I read that & was immediately struck by how much the 'Identifying as a dinosaur' description was spot on 4 my experiences wrt this kink. But I feel rly hopeless abt it a lot of the time. I kno trauma is a factor, but that doesnt make it better, & I would rather keep the trauma than b untraumatized & not have this kink. & it just feels rly crushing 2 b like, theres this way I feel, this way it feels like Im Supposed 2 B, & this overwhelming fear that Im Not. & I cant quite

(3of4) let go of the hope that that fear is wrong, but its obvs still sucky. Esp when the standard sort of comfort of 'Wanting 2 b a girl is a symptom of Being A Girl' doesnt feel like it rly applies 2 shit like 'Wanting 2 b a puppy/baby/doll/other headspace kink role', & the response is generally less than positive. At best I feel like I get vaguely ableist 'Im scared 4 ur sanity' type BS, & ur obvs rly cool abt kink stuff, so I guess Im looking 4, idk, sum hope, maybe? Or validation or smth.

(4of4) Sumthing 2 hold on2, 2 feel like this sense of how Im supposed 2 b doesnt have 2 b /erased/ 4 the fear that Im not 2 get better. That I can keep this kink thats so important 2 me & feel better abt the dysphoria that accompanies it, as opposed 2 the recommended 'Throw out the whole kink' approach my support system pushes 4. Idk, Im just hoping 4 sum hope, I guess? Feelin fragile n stuff & ur so nice abt kinks. Also sorry 4 so many abbreviations lol, character limit is not my friend.

Dysphoria can be over anything, the definition is just “ a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life” so it can absolutely be in a kink way. (in fact I’d say I have dysphoria in a kink way in the sense that it severely negatively impacts me that I can’t practice most my kinks in my current situation)

I think a lot of people don’t realise just how much kink can be part of someone’s identity, but it absolutely can be very central, so it makes perfect sense that not being able to be open with it or explore it or whatever will contribute to negative feelings that are analogous to social and physical dysphoria.

I do wish the world were more accepting of kink as identity, it would allow far more space for people to just have feelings like urs without the shame. I really don’t think feelings like these are particularly unusual either, but talking about it can be a minefield.

Also honestly in my experience at least, getting better doesn’t mean losing kinks, even when they’re related. I think it absolutely can affect how u think about and approach a kink, I’ve noticed my approach to kink has become more positive and healthy the more I’ve dealt with my trauma, but I’ve not lost them. I don’t think that just throwing the whole kink out will actually resolve anything, that way lies further shame and repression. You can’t just turn a kink off. It will still be there. Better to work on how you can exist as you are comfortably than deny any part of you. Ultimately, what do you think your life would look like if you were truly comfortable? How can you get there? When it comes to your own identity and how your kinks interact with that, your own comfort is the only thing that matters.

Ur always welcome to talk about this stuff here, I promise u that.

#kink hour

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hello half valid anon here (i like my nickname 😂). I got through all your fics and they were all great. Right now im just reading a lot of poi fanfics and watch fanvids cause i can't accept that the series is over 😂 --- i know what you mean about fics affecting you negatively. I had this with 13rw (the Show and some fics) everything was so dark and hopeless that i had to stop watching it. I also love to seek out fics where someone is hurt so i can feel my pain through the characters (1)

But i try to read only fics with lots of comfort so it kinda feels like i get comforted as well (dont know if that makes sense). If it makes you uncomfortable or if its unhealthy for you to write about this i completely understand and i dont mean to come of as pushing you to write. I just hope whatever you do will be the right decision for you! As for you feeling suicidal im sorry to hear that. Let me know if there is ever anything i can do to help! I wish i could say sth more comforting but Im not super good with words :( i just hope you have people in your life that support you! 💛

maybe root will grow on you too? Or maybe you can skip her scenes and enjoy John, Harold and most importanly Bear! 😂 Yeah Shaw definately looks really good. She is a bit like Reese minus the caring. At first it seems she doesnt care about anything at all but thats not exactly the Case. There was an episode with Shaw and a little girl (3x5) and i really loved it (have you seen that one?).

I really think Shaw would grow on you (especially since in the beginning she does a lot with John) but then again a lot of her later scenes include Root so im not sure. Yes i love that there were never any romantic undertones with her and John!!

yeah the core four were great. I was so sad when Carter died! :(

i guess everyone sees chemistry different, i think Shoot and Rinch post have great chemistry ☺️

as for John being good with people: YES!! he is always so compassionate and such a great listener as well. I especially like him with children. John and the baby were so cute or John with the boy who offered to pay for him. John + Kids was always a great combination and i wished we would have seen it more often. Also regarding children we did we never got to see a John Taylor scene after Carters death? I needed that!

yes John the badass is also amazing! His character has so many different sides and i love him so much!!

i think Grace Harold was really cute but i dont really see a future for them, i mean he lied to her for so long! but then again they really loved each other so idk maybe they work it out. Im also not into John/Harold/Grace but like you said good for the people who like the ship :)

John and Zoe were great! i wish Zoe would have appeared more often!

I have so many things to say about John and the boring therapist but i think i better not say them :D i wish i could just erase their relationship from my mind!

of course he didnt die! i didnt see a dead body so i refuse to believe he is dead! i also just wanted them to be happy. what kind of an ending is it to let the main character die? i refuse to accept this! -- thank you for the rec i will check it out :) while i do like fluff i mostly read h/c (with the focus on the comfort) cause i just want John to get his much needed comfort :D -- i have no idea where season 1 is supposed to be boring. but idc the people can live with their wrong opinions :D

(today: tumblr user nourann3 discovers the option to indent text after almost 5 years on tumblr...)

Hiii !! It is a very valid nickname 😂 That's nice !! Hmu if you want more recs ! Lol same honestly, I can't believe it's been 4 years since the show ended ! I can give you a link to my poi/Rinch fanvids playlist if you're interested 👀

Oh boi 13rw is so cursed, can't believe I watched all of the 1st season 😬 I remember being afraid of the suicide scene making me uncomfortable but it was so cringe, unrealistic and just bad that I wasn't even that uncomfortable, I cringed when she cut her arms but that's it.

Yeah big mood I project a lot on comfort fics as well. For suicide fics, I think it also depends on how the fics adress the subject. It's something that is complicated to write. If I read a suicide fic with no recovery I'm gonna project but feel like shit. But with recovery, I can project into the recovery as well so it's better ! I read a really good ace attorney fic showing Miles recovering after a suicide attempt, it was thoughtful and didn't fall into the pitfalls of magical super fast recovery/love heals everything, and some lines stuck with me, it was really good and comforting. But yeah if it's just a suicide/suicide attempt then I don't think it's good for me (but sometimes I still read it bc I'm a Dumb Bitch).

Dw you didn't come off as pushing 💜 I'll see how I feel about continuing it or not. I have to figure out if writing about suicide is positive or negative for me 🤔 I mean I'm not portraying John's suicidal crisis as a positive thing, and he reaches out to Harold, and considers he might get better so I don't think it's bad for me ? Another problem is that I have a tendency to drop my wips to write a new shiny idea I get, and then I never finish anything gkgkffjfjf I dropped the suicide fic for the body horror fic which I dropped for the time loop fic, and there's also the hanahaki fic I started last year but I haven't touched in months, plus a bunch of random shit floating around OneDrive lmao someone stop me

What helps the most is venting, just getting that shit out is helping y'know. I appreciate your support ♥️ at least it's not as bad as it used to be

I doubt Root will grow on me, catch me watching her scenes at 1.5 speed lmao, also yes you bet I'll enjoy watching them !!

Yes I remember that ep ! Iirc the little girl tells Shaw she has feelings but the volume is lower than in other people or smth along those lines ?

I hope she'll grow on me bc she seems cool. I remember I was a bit afraid of her just becoming a sort of hollow copy of John, like "look we added another badass to the show". Seems to be more than that though ! Also I'm curious about their mayhem twins dynamic. But yeah if she has a lot of scenes with Root idk how much it'll annoy me

I feel like I wouldn't be able to get the Shoot chemistry bc I'm too biased against Root lol

Ikr the crossing hurt me so much. But thinking about it takes me back to my careese days and my first fics lol. I feel like the death of one of the core four + the abandonment of the library really alienated me from the show (did I already say that before ?). And here I'm gonna shamelessly derail from Carter to the library bc boiii do I have a lot of feelings about the library !! And you're here, talking about poi, so you're the perfect subject to throw these feelings at. This post really says what I feel about it (I'll put the link at the end as well if you wanna read it after you're done with this l o n g reply). It was in a way its own character and its forced abandonment/destruction really hit me (fucked me up when they broke that glass board). It says something that it's one of the few things I remember from S3 along with Carter's death and 4C. I loved it a lot, it was a cornerstone of the show. It was a safe place, a home for Harold and John (and Bear !). I love when they're together in there, I love this cracked glass board, this yellow stained glass in the windows !!! (at least I assume it's stained glass ?), these lights, Bear's cushion, the whole cozy/safe/isolated feelings, just absolutely everything. And yeah later they have the subway, idk when it's introduced I don't remember if it's early enough for me to have watched it. And maybe it's nice, I can't judge rn. But it's like trying to give me a new MC after a MCD, make him as nice as you want I'll be clutching the previous MC until I die. Gkfkfkff I went overboard and off topic but I just love the library ok

Ikr I love how he's badass but also gentle and understanding and nice to people ! I love him !!! Yeah wolf and cub is really good, also I love when John smiles to Darren at the end !! I use this moment as my pfp bc I love it so much. He's just so cute ! I wish he smiled more (did we ever hear him laugh in the entirety of the show ?). Baby blue is so great, Harold and him are such a married couple in this ep ! Yeah same more content with John and children would have been nice.

I never thought about how much we needed a John Taylor scene but yes !! We were robbed :((((

Speaking of John being a cool badass. Here's a badass John vid rec it's super good

Yeah they were cute in the past. I think it's good he went back to her bc it gives closure to both of them. But I don't see their relationship working again. She grieved, probably started to move on after all these years and knowing he lied all this time probably won't make her want to go back with him. I've never been in love so what do I know lol, but were I her I probably wouldn't want to go back with him and I'd just be happy knowing he's alive after all.

Same I need more Zoe (also she's hot)

Lmao let's just forget about that weird relationship shall we

Aren't we all the same, firmly believing he's alive and happy out there ! It was foreshadowed since the first ep and it made sense but do I care ? No, fuck that shit John is very much alive

You're welcome ! John needs all the comfort and the love !!! I think I have a preference for fluff bc he gets hurt enough in the show lol

Indeed they can, veryyy far away from us

Sry if this is shit I have like half a functioning braincell today

The post abt home bases I mentioned

#half valid anon #look you have your own tag #person of interest #tw suicide #i thought I was done but then i got feelings abt the library

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

for tash again pls from https://aplaceforthesoul.tumblr.com/post/620183874016870400/anonymous-submitted-from

i’m really sorry that i keep hammering on about this but some days im ok and i thought im getting over it but sometimes like today it all comes in waves and i’m overwhelmed with sadness and cry about it again and i dont know where else to turn because i dont really have friends and my family expected me to be over it.

i used to have a friend who is still working there (lets call her C). we bonded bcs we’re from the same country, on the same visa, and the same age, although she’s been working there longer than i have. our visas expire around the same time, and we both had spent a lot of time together worried about what to do about it (we wanted permanent residency, but it’s not easy) so we talked about maybe going to regional australia and study something else, maybe we’ll just return home, and we can live together. we bonded over how we were not getting paid, our toxic employers, etc.

C came to australia as a student, on her own, and started working at this restaurant years ago, when it once was a small takeaway shop, before it reopened in a bigger place - thats when i joined the team. in some way, the original boss had acted as a sort of maternal figure to C, who is obviously far away from her family, and she is also epileptic. so the boss had done things like fetch her to and from the airport, the clinic, advice for living in the country, etc. and somehow, in this employer’s twisted mind, she thinks it is then ok to treat C like free help for her shop rather than an employee because she had done all this for her. so instead of paying C properly, as well as paying her super and everything else an employer should do, she finds it ok to abuse C by paying her whenever she likes, screaming at her for not answering her phone, overworking her, etc.

and C has on numerous occasions complained to me about the abuse she went through. she clearly doesnt like the boss, as on numerous occasions she had brought up the idea of reporting the business, she complains about the work, not being paid and the difficulty it had caused her and flat out said doesnt like the working conditions. BUT. if u were to ask her about the NICE things the boss has done for her, she changes her tone. she boasts about the GOOD things the boss has done for her like the flowers for her birthday - the pictures of her holding the bouquet is her profile pic everywhere, and how the boss takes care of her during an epilepsy episode - (and then put her to work the next night.)  i’ve always thought it was weird , but never questioned her more about it. soon after the fallout with the two bosses, i was on the phone with her. i was crying bc i was distressed about the change, and she said: “we are the children, and they are the adults. if the business fails, it fails. let them deal with it. we’ll just carry on our work."

we were talking everyday after that just before i realised i had gotten fired. our last conversation was in february, on the phone, when we were talking about hanging out after work. and suddenly, everything dropped. i realised i had been let go from work, and suspect that the boss had told C not to talk to me anymore. i know C had extended her visa by changing to a student visa, to study cooking, because the boss said she would sponsor her if she did that. she went to study with borrowed money from her family (since she isnt getting paid nearly enough to even pay her rent smh) which is something she told me she didnt want to do. like i dont understand that at all.

what a shit show huh.

now C is not returning my messages. in fact i saw her at the shopping mall just last week. my first instinct was to go up and speak to her, until she spotted me, stopped in her tracks, and went the other direction. i truly did not expect her to be the one to turn her back on me, after everything we’ve been through.

my visa is supposed to expire next month, but after the lockdown my family and i decided that it is the best decision to stay put in australia for the time being. so i applied for a visitor’s visa for a year. the form asked for proof that i had stopped working, in the form of payslips or contract, both of which i dont have, obviously. but i submitted it anyway so now im still waiting on my application.

it just baffles me how one bad employment and two incompetent bosses had fucked up my life this bad. i cant apply for anymore work in australia, so i have no income, the only other person who understood my situation is now gone, now im just waiting until its safe to leave the country. sitting at home, doing nothing but mulling over how i had lost my job, lost my best friend, lost the opportunity to do my masters, and leave the country i had lived in for this long.

im trying not to think about it anymore but its like half a year later and its still causing me grief but nobody knows or gets it.

anyway. sorry that this is long winded i just need to vent. you’re amazing tash, if only i could borrow your residency while you’re in the uk.

hey again <3 yeah getting permanent residency in australia is a nightmare, australia’s government is mostly anti-immigration which makes me sad. 

I can honestly understand why you’re still thinking about this and being negatively impacted by it all, the job gave you hope of completing your masters and staying longer in the country? and hope is a very powerful emotion! to then have it all taken away in such a brutal and unfair and cruel way...well that would affect anyone pretty badly. add in the fact that the ending of the job has created a lot of other negative situations and distress? it makes a lot of sense about why you’re still upset over this. 

this business needs to be reported, honestly what they’re doing is cruel and illegal. it’s quite clear that they are using the promise of sponsoring study as a way to manipulate vulnerable people into underpaid work, it’s also now very clear that they have no intention of following through on that promise -- it’s now become a pattern of behaviour if they did it with C as well as you. they shouldn’t be allowed to continue to operate and to profit off the backs of immigrants and illegal wages. you’re the one who’s suffered, it’s up to you whether you do want to do this? but I would think a lot about it -- I know you mentioned that your parents are close with the owners, but this isn’t ok.

I think all you can do now is put this behind you, accept the reality of the situation and try to be as kind to yourself as you can. spend time looking after yourself, practising self care, prioritising you and your well-being. maybe that means daily exercise and walks, or creating art (clay, painting, drawing?), or spending time gardening, or practising yoga / meditation, whatever works for you. as long as it’s calming and relaxing for you, and you find some measure of peace? then that’s what matters. 

know that what happened to you wasn’t right, it wasn’t your fault at all. you were exploited and taken advantage of, and you didn’t deserve that. try to keep yourself busy as best as you can, take it one day at a time. make a conscious decision to work on letting this go and looking forward, see how things go. I think right now is the hardest bit, because you’re kinda stuck in limbo and there’s lockdown / social distancing measures to deal with too? but once you get moving again and things change, it may have a more positive impact on your mental health when you’re being kept busy again and you have a change of environment. 

I’m glad you were able to vent and get this off your chest, I hope you’re able to find some peace and acceptance moving forward xxx

- tash

#advice #submission #australia #workplace #abuse #exploitation #stress

[ryollie]

Your negative personal posts don't fit your cheery cute art... NOT a hate message, it's just a bit,,, contradictory? Your drawings are cute and positive, you draw a lot of gift art, but your personal life is so... grim? If you had a more horror-esque art style it'll make more sense. Again, NOT hate. Wanted to point that out.

ksdahkhadj people’s art style arent always dependent on what theyre like ! altho a horror art style sounds cool to have ngl

gonna put under the cut bc its sensitive but its to explain a bit abt my personal life and why i draw (so much?) , feel free to skip this  !

i’ve been struggling with mental health since i was 13, i had a really rough time coping with depression and major anxiety , and despite going for therapy and taking my medication for six years now, i still feel very empty, tired and sad. i like to focus on other things like drawing, watching movies etc so i have something to distract myself so i dont think about being so sad. i think one of the worst parts of depression is the lack of energy and motivation to get your daily tasks done and it really sucks. sometimes when i dont manage to do what im supposed to, i feel like such a failure. i get sad and unmotivated and i just go to sleep. and when i wake up i feel like i wasted precious time sleeping and its just a toxic cycle of self hate thats really tough to crawl out.

so when i cant focus on my work, i doodle. i doodle a lot. alot of people in this fandom inspire me with their mcs and stories -- its so immersive and creating and i love it. i like doodling gift art, not only just to show appreciation for their work, but also because seeing people happy and knowing i might have made someone smile during their day makes me feel like hey, even if im slow on my work, at least i managed to do something else thats good! focusing on ollie and his universe also makes me feel like i’m doing a different kind of work -- im working on him! 

i still lack the focus and motivation to do “clean” lineart and artwork, thats why all my drawings are just colored sketches. but thats ok! i just like doodling whats on my mind, it distracts me from feeling bad; it makes me happy, even if its just for a little bit. im sorry my personal posts are so dark, i’ll def keep in mind to put it under a read more next time !

#ollie has mail #Anonymous

[sensitive-rejects]

callout as per usual

so like i love making nice posts that bring awareness and positive intention, especially in something im interested in. i dont like hypocrisy, i dont like people ignoring facts, and i certainly don’t like when people try to make something positive into something negative. here’s a a compilation from my last post of their disgusting replies, trying to make a post about how you should let characters be more than just classified as one thing, or to stop misrepresenting characters.  ill do it from the last i’ve seen. so we have @swamp-y

how cute of you to plague a post with good intentions with nothing but hatred for a fictional character which has done nothing to you. it’s almost as if you didn’t get the original meaning of the post and only sought it out to be bitter and upset. please, take your bad vibes and stay away from my blog. you have a right to dislike and criticize a fictional character and how they are written, but being thats the only point you took from this post... you make me sick, don’t speak to me or touch my posts. next, we have @ficsthatgivemelife

how wonderful of you to use a dead name that is associated with someone’s traumatic upbringing. it’s not as if people change their names when they leave those situations to feel safe and to not bring up what could possibly be post traumatic stress disorder and have an episode. and i really doubt you could harm someone whose a fictional character, but go off i guess. im sorry youre so angry with your life you have to go to the level of making a fictional entity feel abyssal, is your life that much in shambles? onto @stuckinthecloudsicallhome

thats nice, sydney. you later replied saying ‘op didnt like my joke’. no. i didnt. im sorry, i dont think that calling someone a target i aim to harm is very funny. i think its very inappropriate and bad behavior. i don’t openly want to harm people, even if they are, you know, once more fictional characters. still don’t know what progressively makes people behave like this. i know there are more,  but i have to sift through adult blogs marked unsafe and over 700 notes. its a bit difficult to do but i think its necessary. to these people who have made these really disgusting additions to something that is supposed to be positive, kindly do not interact with me or anything i make again. it’s vile and it genuinely sickens me, and it disappoints me to see people behave like five year olds on a playground when they don’t get to use the swings and then they throw a fit.  people can like and dislike whatever they want, i don’t care. but if you see a positive post and you think ‘let me be purposely malicious to a figure that doesn’t exist’..... you may want to re-evaluate what you just thought was okay to do, because something may be wrong there.

#discourse #callout #the arcana #the arcana game #lucio #count lucio #the arcana lucio #i genuinely feel sick #if you think this behavior is okay #do not interact with me

[alicezan-ncgred]

Bleeding Red

Preface: I’ve been bitching around the bush of this long enough. So, I’ve been really silent on a bunch of stuff that’s been eating me alive which has made me both inactive and unproductive. I’m going to get straight to the point, starting off with the TL:DR from my post on my main blog. Context: An anon asked me if I was alright because I hadn’t updated in a while.

TL:DR You probably didn’t ask this to hear about all the bad shit of my life so here’s the short of it. No, I’m not doing fine. I will try get next weeks post out on time and I’ll work on making up on the lost posts. Updates will return regularly, ‘ite.

Time for the thick and thin of it.

Insecurity and being shafted: I’m stoic, even at my worst I won’t say anything. I’ll push through regardless of my current condition and since I’ve gone years like this, it’s not hard for me to do. In my real life situation, I’m currently in a place of social isolation. This has lead to a somewhat near reliance on Tumblr to be my social outlet. This present many issues.

The main one is that I’m quite the isolationist. This has only been reinforced by many interactions throughout the entirely of my life. Because of this, I can’t say I’ve ever had anything really more than two friends at a time. While in a way this has helped me express myself so well through writing, it’s come at the cost of social skill. I don’t talk to anyone.

With this kind of issue you could easily imagine that the THREE PEOPLE (four now, but very limited) to ever directly talk ended up in a way shafting me. The first blocked and disconnected with me without warning or reason. At this point we’ve been talking to each for about a month and we hit it off very well and then one day, silence. Never heard from them again. That fucked me up hard when I finally realized what happened.

The second person left during the Tumblr P**n Purge. We were talking about how to contact each other on other platforms and then they stopped responding. I had already given contact to other platforms of which they pinged me in any way. Another person that I trusted massively on here just abandoned me and I’m still hurting from that. Wasn’t fair at all.

Then the third person was someone that I been following for a while. This person is actually the reason that I’ve been putting this off for so long. I don’t want them to see this post but they will. I got an ask from them that ultimately turned out to be misinformation. I said I wasn’t mad but I was. I was so fucking angry about it and I’m still kinda mad, but I didn’t want problems. I still don’t. I just didn’t want them to worry about it. This will come back later.

I try my best to be as inoffensive as possible. The problem with that is that much of the things I believe or enjoy are highly divisive. Hell, even my own identity can be seen as offence. I’m bisexual, non-binary (I’m currently still questioning this. I might actually be gender fluid but in the overall scheme, that’s worse than being non-binary), and nonreligious. I’m in a very religious area so you I’m still “in the closet” about much of this IRL. I though it would better online but with how much people are saying bisexuality doesn’t exist, or that non-binary isn’t a valid gender (or that being gender fluid make you insane and you should be locked up) and all the hate people who say they are this are getting, the very community that’s supposed to accept me, HATES me. I had a bi pride flag icon last year during Pride Month. I never doing that ever again. It was terrible.

I’m trying my best to come out of my shell like I said I would when I made this blog but it seems I’m just crawling further into it. People I think I can trust keep setting me up to fall, people I know in real life won’t ever accept my existence if they knew who I really was, and my own mental health problem and self loathing are eating me alive. But that isn’t the total of it.

Crumbling Pillar: I’ve always ended up in the position where things were thrown onto me. In which no one wanted to do, I was stuck with. Because of this not only do I have a severe distaste being around my family (beyond everything mentioned before hand) but I grew to have a negative out look on everything. This effect is still quite obvious in my writings, especially my poems. Out of the 14 poems on my poem blog @washed-soul​, only one has a happy meaning.

The one happy poem was called dreams. Under a metaphor it talks about how a demon kept me trapped in a dark space. I start to get better and nearly break free before I have a negative relapse back to my old ways. The poems ends with the demon putting a end to itself leaving the nightmare in which it was keeping me in to slowly fade away, letting one crack of light peeking through to become a window to a door until one day I walk free. When writing this poem, I never thought I would find myself rebuilding the nightmare but that’s where I am.

I’m done with holding things together that other people have placed onto me. Because of this, issues have began showing in my private life. Issues that should’ve been solved decades ago are only now being addressed. This change in the status quo of my life has caused many issues in my productive and mood. Between everything else I’m too tired to do anything.

Is that a reason, is that an excuse. No it isn’t but it’s the best thing I got as a reason. I’m doing my damnedest to do the best I can but of course, when it comes to the thing that matter I just fall short. Big fucking whopha my intelligence and capability does me if I can’t use it for anything that means a damn.

Meaningless Triviality: I’m a very emotional person. I’m very strongly bound to my emotions and if everything above hasn’t given it away, my emotions are very negative prone. But it just doesn’t stop there, it goes back into my memories. I can only honestly place 3 happy memories for certain that aren’t either A) a dream or B) me escaping reality through my mind. Besides that, almost all my memories are negative. 

People like to throw around the word Nihilist to describe themselves because today's culture is very, god while I hate to use this word, edgy. For those who don’t know a Nihilist is someone who views the world as being completely  meaningless and reject all religious and moral principles. I very truly struggle with this outlook of life. It’s a daily for me to berate myself saying “just kill yourself” or “I want to die” or just shutting down and crumpling up while say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. Hell, I did that while writing this. 

I take things very hard, even the slightest transgression. I’m so used to trying to make things perfect and because people have the image that I’m the smart one, the mature one, the capable one, I’m left with the over hanging expectation of excellence. Almost no room for margin of error or being human. Since I’m the silent type, I put up no challenge and work to meet it. Only time I get any praise for anything too. 

I guess as a little self promotion to my main blog, for those that have read the very first few updates of my main blog @the-truth-behind-redacted, or read Defiance’s character sheet, while The Machine and Defiance are separate character, they both share the name Machine. That in part is a reflect of said above expectation. How ravenous and inhuman it can be all under the guise of something human. Those characters are the two sides to the same coin. 

Remember how I said I try to be un-problematical and how I try to avoid any potential conflict. In the first segment I told on how I lied about my feelings just so another person didn’t have to worry over something that honestly, in hindsight, wasn’t even really a big deal. But I also said how it consumed me in anger. I just don’t want to bother anyone over anything. It’s part of the reason why I am writing this post, as some way of a self enforced rehab program to get better. 

This absolute consumption of negative emotion has pushed me into a non human state before. I hit a point of absolute mental exhaustion and in such a self enforced bubble of actual hatred I became completely apathetic. I felt numb to everything. I watched and heard of terrible things happening to people, and felt nothing. I watched people lives crumble before them leaving them nowhere to go and LAUGHED. “Just another worthless pathetic worm on this rotting carcass of a planet being hit with the hard reality that life doesn’t care for them. What whimsical pathetic bullshit they deluded themselves with to think otherwise.” This isn’t an exaggeration on how I thought, this is what I actually thought. Which brings me too.

The Mandatory Sob Story: Roll your eyes everyone and get the tiny violin. I guess in order for everyone to exactly understand the place I’m coming from when it comes to mental health I’ll have to detail my experiences. I have a long standing history with mental illness. I have professionally diagnosed OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, and visual and auditory hallucinations. I take 600 mg of Seroquel a day as well as Amitriptyline when needed. I’m also still currently in therapy to deal with said OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, the visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as Suicidal thoughts, and my Nihilism. There’s a reason to why I’m so god damn familiar with mental illness and treatment plans.  

OCD and Bipolarism run in my family on my fathers side. My Father’s Father had them, my Sister has them, my brother most likely has them (however he refuses to see a doctor because he uses said possible mental illnesses as a get out of jail free card. He doesn’t want to be treated and he has FUCKING ADMITTED IT), my father has them, and I have them. I, however, have the misfortune of having it real bad. I said yes to well over half of all the total symptoms when I was being tested (I don’t remember exact numbers but I remember there being three pages worth of common symptoms) which was very worrying to the doctor. I was currently in an inpatient hospitalization program at the time for both suicidal thoughts and actions, and severe depression. 

On that, my graze in with suicide. Before I went into my first inpatient program I was contemplating suicide. I was sat in front of a mirror with a bottle of over the counter medication. It was an unopened bottle of ibuprofen, 1000 200mg tables. What I planed to do was down the whole bottle with benadryl and die in my sleep. I had the small box of benadryl got from the Kroger pharmacy and a hand full of ibuprofen poured out looking directly into the mirror. My suicide note was sitting on the desk on my room with an online copy on my laptop open.

I sat there for an hour in the dead of midnight complicating my life. I had lost all hope in the world, filled with hatred, anger, pain, and despair. I had no god or after life to look forward too, part way hoping that a Hell existed for me to burn in. I hated myself that much. I was close to taking the first handful before before I caught a glimpse of my own eyes in the mirror. In what was in a weird sudden epiphany I realized that I truly did become what I hated but not for any reason I told myself. I became the very bastion of negativity I sought to fight and rid of in what little friends I did have. That was what set off my path to recovery in spite of the medical system. I guess if people care I’ll make a separate post on that. 

Before I move on, I feel I should explain my history with the visual and auditory hallucinations. It should be no surprise that with everything else above, I also had extreme paranoia that led to me having very bad insomnia. Insomnia is, just like most other medical disorders like Depression, Self-harm, Anxiety, OCD,  Bipolarism, is romanticized to hell. Insomnia isn’t having one nights bad sleep where you got 5 hours of sleep instead of 8.

You know what Insomnia is? insomnia is being physical incapable of sleeping despite not sleeping in 2 to 3 day while your body suffers massive agony brought on by this. Muscle spasms and seizing, difficulty breathing, your eyes feeling like fire ants are eating them, and of course visual and auditory hallucinations. Now I already had issues with visual and auditory hallucinations even when I could get sleep regularly but the combined effects of my OCD and Bipolarism made this perfect condition of Insomnia, Anxiety, Paranoia, with the already added in disposition to hallucinations and I felt like I was actually losing my mind. 

My hallucinations presented themselves in three forms. Disassociation of reality, night terrors, or alterations of reality. Disassociation of reality often were complete black out moments. I would lose any perceived connect to reality and enter an episode of my mind. I can’t remember what they actually were but I do remember what it felt like. Cold sweats, anxiety to point where if I didn’t lock up I would vomit, actual physical pain, mind numbing fear, and intense fatigue. 

The second were night terrors often in the form of horrific “things.” I do remember these and most of them were as best as I could describe, forms of things that were vaguely human and formations of industrial machinery. The most vivid one I remember was of a long lengthy apparition that was for the most part human but many locations of it’s impossible physiology were rebar beams and mechanical sockets. It began when I was about to fall asleep and it was next to my window. The thing was making week groaning and gasping sounds before it violently slammed against my window breaking it then letting out a horrific howl that I can’t describe as it tossed itself out followed shorty after with the sound of bones breaking against the dirt. 

Now that might not seem so bad, exspecally with everything that is in horror movies or games now, but keep in mind that was fucking real to me. It was as real as the clicking of the keys of my keyboard as I’m writing this. As real as the chair I’m sitting in and as real as the wall in front of me. As far as my mind was concerned that thing, what ever it was, actually existed. It took me physical touching my window to make sure it wasn’t actually broken and checking outside to see if there wasn’t a body there. This isn’t the type of thing I talk about lightly. 

Finally there is the alteration of reality. This is very simply but it’s something that fucked with me hard. For very little meaning or warning, I would have trouble interpreting the world around me. My hearing and sight would be warped and there wasn’t any real way to tell what I was hearing or seeing was real or not until the episode was over. The way I got through these was the ultimate fake it till you make it. Obviously, very often I failed and this created issue in my schooling. 

Ending Message: I’ve been in a very bad state for a while now and as it is now, no signs of getting better. I also strongly believe my medications are being to fail me which I’ve been telling my doctor and therapist for over a year now but nothing’s been done. Mainly it’s my Depression but insomnia episodes are beginning and my own paranoia been on the rise. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even look at a creepy image or thumbnail without having a very bad episode. 

I’ve managed to eat something today which was nice but my body is cramping hard. And to possible stave of a possible comment, I’m biologically male. Like I said I’m not in the best head space, or living for that matter. If this gets better, only time will tell. 

#Long post #tw: suicide #TW: Depression #Trigger Warning #TW #OCD #Anxiety #Chronic Depression #Bipolar Disorder #Bipolar #Mental Health #My mental health

[theshapeshifter100]

Guess What? I’m Not a Robot Ch42

Summary: Jericho and Android Allies talk, and Paul actually gets annoyed.

Chapter warnings: mentions of being shot, some strong language

Word Count: 1,588

11PM Monday 15th November 2038

The small space didn’t actually have that many chairs. Allison didn’t give a damn and sat down in one, while the rest of the humans either felt too awkward or just decided not to bother.

“Okay, er,” for once Alex sounded a little unsure. “Megan has a lot of the numbers written down, and is usually our note taker. Megan, are you...” Alex trailed off as they realised that Megan had already made herself comfortable. She sat propped against the wall using her knees as a table. Her sling was tucked against her chest and she scribbled out a title with her right hand. “... Are you good to go?”

Megan clicked the pen a couple of times and nodded, sending a thumbs up to the group around the pen. All without looking up.

Alex looked at Paul for a second, who nodded and shrugged. This wasn’t exactly surprising.

“Ooookay,” Alex turned back to the main group. “What would you like to start with?”

“We’ve been out of the loop for a few days,” Markus admitted, “can you tell us about the outside world?”

“Yeah, President Warren’s been hiding behind Congress as they try and figure things out. Not much has happened yet, although there has been word of an anti android protest being planned in Washington next week.”

“We’re so crashing it,” Allison smirked.

“Do you have the numbers for that?” Markus asked, concerned. “Connor told me there was only a few of you.”

“Megan, numbers?” Alex prompted, and Megan complied, staring resolutely at her pad of paper.

“Several thousand people responded to the anti android post across the country, which isn’t that many really if we compare to the total US population. Currently Android Allies has three chapters. Detroit has ten, California has ninety and thirty in Alabama. We’ve gathered some in the Phoenix and general Arizona area, but no official count yet. There’s some international support from Europe, but they have so far been silent.”

“So, not enough to crash a protest,” Markus summarised.

“We can counter protest,” Ivy suggested. “We just need to get it online and spread the word.”

“And you think that’ll work?” North asked, part curious, part incredulous.

“Never know until we try,” Alex responded. “Plus, we usually get good turnouts from random people walking by.”

“This protest wouldn’t happen to be scheduled for when we’re supposed to send an emissary to the White House?” Markus asked.

“No idea, when are you going?”

“In a few days time.”

“Okay, the protest isn’t until next week. Guess that isn’t public knowledge.”

“Apparently not,” Markus shifted for a second. “I was hoping to ask about a potential partnership between our two groups. I hadn’t expected you to all be, so young.”

“If it helps, Julia isn’t in school anymore.”

“Noted,” Markus filed that away.

“I don’t know,” Julia carefully opposed. “My uncle’s a Detroit Police Captain, it might reflect badly on him.”

“Nothing is set in stone,” Markus assured. “That’s what this meeting is for.”

They all continued to talk, and Megan continued to take notes. After some debate, it was decided that Alex would be the more public face of Android Allies, as they could handle attention better. Everyone else was welcome at Jericho and to fill in if need be. Megan would continue her role as note taker, even if it wasn’t entirely necessary, it was good for both sides to have a copy of events.

“Paul,” Markus came to him. “How would you feel being a go between with our two groups?”

Paul froze in place and Megan glanced at him. He wasn’t happy, in fact, he looked close to panicking.

“Ride the shitstorm,” she mumbled, intending for only Paul to hear. With her pen she began to tap a steady rhythm and Paul began to calm down. None of this had gone unmissed by North and Connor, both of whom were looking at Paul and Megan. Connor had an expression of confusion initially before it cleared, and North looked suspicious.

“I, I suppose that makes sense,” Paul unfroze. “I am the only android in the Detroit chapter and would I be correct in assuming that everyone downstairs would be more comfortable with an android?”

“You would be,” Markus agreed.

“I see, then I should accept.”

“We’re not forcing you,” Josh added. “If you really don’t want to do it, then that’s fine.”

“No, it makes sense for me to do it.”

“Very well,” Markus logged that away faster than Megan could write it. “I think this concludes most of what I wanted to talk about with you today.”

“Cool!” Allison stood up. “Anything else you need from us?”

“I would like to speak with Paul alone,” Markus stated, and Paul instantly looked at Megan, who had frozen for a split second before continuing to pack up. Without a word he held out his hand to help her up, and she took it.

“Thanks,” she murmured, still not looking at the other assembled androids.

“You okay with that Paul?” Alex asked, not sure if Paul had been paying attention.

“Yes, I was just helping the injured to their feet.”

“My legs work just fine,” Megan muttered.

“Then why did you accept my help?”

Megan mock scowled at him, both understanding that other side was messing around. “I’ll see you outside you big goof.”

“Don’t wait up,” Paul said, pausing at a soft squeal emanating from Alex. “Do you have to ship right now?”

“I ship all the time,” Alex had their hands clasped together in glee. “Anyway, let’s wait outside guys,” Alex waved everyone out and closed the door behind them. They all took seats at various heights on the stairs, Megan being closest to the door.

Inside North turned to Paul.

“So, what is your deal with these humans?” she asked.

“Deal?” Paul was confused. “There’s no deal.”

“Then why do you stay with them?”

“What North means,” Markus interrupted. “Is that you’re clearly a deviant, and have no reason to tie yourself to humans, but you still do.”

“And you want to know why,” Paul finished, falling into thought. “It is difficult to explain,” it wasn’t really, but he wasn’t sure if he could properly put it into words.

“Please try,” Markus prompted.

“I’m only really here because of Megan. We, understand each other, support each other. She needs me, and I need her.”

North didn’t look convinced. “What’s she got on you?”

“That I’m scared of dogs,” Paul smirked to make it clear that was a joke.

“So, you stay together out of mutual respect and need?” Markus tried to sum up.

“More or less. I’ll admit it is a little one sided, but Megan is the reason I’m a deviant.”

“What did she do to you?” North asked.

“It’s more what she nearly did to herself. After a period of decent mental health she began to spiral rapidly and turned to self harm. I panicked and stopped her, afraid that she might take her own life.”

“You still don’t owe her anything,” North retorted. “If anything, she owes you!”

Paul was started to get annoyed by her. “Did you see that her left arm was in a sling?”

“Yes, what does that-?”

“That’s from a gunshot wound at point blank range. Originally meant for me,” Paul was glaring at North now. “She took a bullet for me, and you can be damn sure that I would do the same.”

North was out of retorts now, and stepped back.

“I think that sums everything I wanted to ask you,” Markus admitted. “Except for one thing. How would you feel about coming to live with Jericho? With us?”

The question threw Paul for a second, even though it was a fairly logical one. He was an android in Detroit, makes sense for him to be here, and he could communicate with Android Allies remotely. Despite the logic, he felt an emotional response. A strong, negative one; one that almost hurt.

“I, I don’t think so,” Paul shook his head. “Thank you for the offer, but I don’t that would work for me.”

“She’s not forcing you to stay, is she?” North asked, and Paul’s face darkened.

“Megan has never made me do anything,” he growled.

“That’s enough,” Markus stepped in before things got out of hand. “Thank you Paul. Would you mind sending in Megan? I’d like to talk to her too.”

“Fine,” Paul turned and left, simmering with anger.

He let the door fall shut behind him and joined Android Allies on the stairs. Megan was the first over to sit next to him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, and Paul shook his head. “How about talking through the emotion?”

“I know what I’m feeling,” Paul snapped, and instantly regretted it, Megan was trying to help. “Sorry. North just pisses me off.”

“That’s impressive,” Megan smirked.

“Markus wants to talk to you. Just you,” he added when Alex started to stand up.

“Me? Why?” Megan asked, more than a little apprehensive at the idea.

“I forgot to ask,” Paul sighed. “Head in. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” she asked, and when Paul nodded she stood up. She walked hesitantly towards the door, and took a step back as Josh, North and Connor exited. She didn’t pay them any thought, and thankfully they left the door ajar.

“Come in,” Markus prompted, and Megan nudged the door open wide enough for her to slip in, and shut it behind her.

So, basically, Paul has to convince the Jericho crew that he and Megan are cool and there's nothing dodgy going on. And Megan's being anti social. I saw a post on tumblr about introverted characters remaining that way because it's not a thing to 'overcome', and my mind immediately went to the bit where she was getting ready to make notes!

You might be able to tell, but I'm not a big fan of North. I appreciate that you need someone to advocate the violent option and her backstory puts her in the perfect position for it. I just hate the forced romance between her and Markus. At best it's forced, at worst (aka when you go completely pacifist) it's completely out of left field and makes no sense. I understand that having multiple romance options was too much for the development team to handle, but surely there could have been an option for Markus to not be romantically involved with North? Sorry, it drives me up the wall... Other Options Flowchart

(Paul) Decline Markus's offer

(Paul) Be serious to North's probing. Be annoyed.

(Paul) Remain calm. Start shouting

Tags! @nightmarejim @septicart-appreciation

#Detroit Become Human #Detroit Become Human fanfic #Detroit Become Human OC #Guess What? I'm Not a Robot #Guess What? I'm Not a Robot Ch42 #Jericho #Markus #Josh #North #pro android #pro android protest #TheShapeshifter100 writes

[whirlywizard]

update on my life: (not negative!)

i feel... good. and its not because of short term dubiously healthy coping mechanisms this time. this past... month i suppose i have been making an effort to identify and fix the things in my life that have been bringing me down. not even on purpose weirdly enough! well i guess its on purpose, i want to be able to handle this new semester thats coming up. i cant take another failure... but yeah, ive been slowly taking action and changing things. ive been unfollowing a lot of people on tumblr who, as much as i liked them, their posts were upsetting me (even some mutuals.. sorry!), and ive been following a lot of aesthetic and positivity bloggers. its a big change but i finally feel like i can relax and just use tumblr as a hobby which is.....nice. hopefully i can be on tumblr less constantly.

i also have started being more conscientious about when i eat. ive got a schedule for eating and ive been forcing myself to adhere to it. its only been a week but... well it has been helping to feel like im taking the matter into my own hands and be able to measure the results. it gives me hope. i dont think ive ever complained about this on here before but ive been plagued by hunger and low blood sugar for pretty much as long as i can remember. so itll be pretty major if i can fix it. more permanent that just for this semester! a life long thing!

ive also done some small things like getting some exercise walking my sisters dog and changing my chair pillow to be more comfortable to my back. funnily enough im not doing all of this at once on purpose though... i guess i just got sick of being so miserable for so many different reasons, haha, i dont even know. and!!!! just earlier today i................. thought of a plan for the future??? woah crazy i know. i need to do more research to see if its actually something i wanna do since again: i literally thought up this idea an hour ago but. the idea is..... certainly giving me something to think about. dare i say its exciting me. i guess im feeling... hopeful.

#talk tag

[kiyye]

how does one get into homestuck???

Short answer??? Just go to http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6 and start reading!!!!!!!!!!!!! You click the link that says “Enter name” to go to the next page and then keep clicking there.

Longer answer. Homestuck is a webcomic. Depending on what you’ve heard/seen around the internet, it often seems like some huge beast of a thing surrounded by years of fan culture, and that’s partially what it is, but at its core homestuck is also just a story. And a GOOD ASS story in my opinion (but thats coming from someone who’s read it 5 times through and thinks about it on the daily so uhhh im maybe not the most objective critic here??? but gOD I LOVE IT). Homestuck is long, but I know plenty of people who archive read it and love it just as much as I do, so I promise you will be able to get through the whole thing. (If you have not heard anything on the internet about it, either negative or positive -- dont worry about it and start reading!!!!!!!!!)

Another thing to remember is like. Homestuck is a story that in some ways you kind of need to take and make yours??? Personally I would advocate for reading every single bit of it and taking in as much as you can, plus reading bonus content like SBAHJ and the paradox space comics, but again thats coming from me, the most obsessive human being on the planet. I know people who didn’t make it through the troll acts, or skipped over the dancestors, and the story is still meaningful to them. So just read what speaks to you and don’t worry about being a bad and evil fan if you dont want to find every single dialogue option in the minigames. Some people can just sit down and read the whole thing, some people have to take it in small chunks. You can probably guess which kind of person you are based on how you usually read things.

So about the first few pages. I remember when I started reading it I was honestly confused because I thought I had missed some kind of background lore that would explain the things that were happening in the first act or so. But let me tell you: No, there is no required reading pre-homestuck (the author has done other webcomics and there are lots of callbacks to those as well as pop-cultural references and shit, but nothing plot important). If you start at page one, which I have linked above, and then keep reading, you may be like “what the fuck is happening right now, what is a sylladex?” You are supposed to be confused! Just persevere my dude.

Lots of people try to summarize it and do a shitty job because its not something you can easily summarize. But here’s me taking a crack at it? Homestuck is a webcomic about four kids who play a (fictional) game which turns out to not actually be just a game. Originally, it was a forum based text adventure, where fans (real people) would submit commands (for example, “Enter name”), and those would then inform the direction of the comic. The first act is largely comprised of quirky events occurring in a generally mundane setting. It’s just set on regular old earth, but for some reason people have video game-esque inventories, and john keeps fake arms in chests and does all kind of whacky shit. It’s charming but not particularly dramatic. From there, more colorful and complicated events unfold, eventually leading to ALIENS and huge epic flash animations and big bad villains. Shenanigans are had along the way.

This is probably a needlessly long post but I love homestuck on a deep, deep, unexplainable level and I very much want it to feel accessible to new readers!!!!! Here are some other helpful links to help you out if you really want to Get Into The Comic (and the fandom):

Before/during reading:

The homestuck wiki, an essential

This is the mspa “new reader” introduction page. It suggests starting off with problem sleuth but I personally dont think thats necessary. I jumped right into homestuck and was fine.

If you want to save this post, here is some post-reading or maybe during-reading material! I think half of these get linked in the comic but they’re some of my favorite homestuck supplements:

Dave’s blog. Know who dave is first, then this whole masterpiece is fair game

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. Same comment as above.

If you’re craving that good good homestuck content, paradox space is a bunch of standalone comics made by artists and fans. its dead now i think but it was a cool project that kept me alive for a summer or two

And uh just off the top of my head, here’s some relevant fandom reading dirk reading for when you’ve consumed all that and you’re sad and desperate for more. These are post-reading -- Come back to these after you finish the comic: Theatre of Coolty. Theatre of Coolty (The Movie). Detective Pony. (I’m so sorry that those are all dirk things). As for non dirk things, there’s Hiveswap, which you can find on steam, and loads and loads of fan videos on youtube that you can get lost in for hours.

I HOPE THIS POST IS HELPFUL TO YOU and i would highly, highly encourage you!!!!!! to read homestuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you’re just looking to start and this is all the information you need, GO FOR IT and pls message me any anecdotes you have because i crave the experience of getting to read it fresh all over again and i Will live vicariously through you. If you have been debating over reading it but you’re not sure if you want to, this is a wonderful post.

Happy reading from a big huge homestuck nerd!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

#GOD I LOVE HOMESTUCK #posts of this nature can be deceiving because like #there is no way of getting around Having It Sound Complicated #but honest to god #its not that complicated #its intricate and so charming and funny and has so much Substance but like #its not complicated #its not going to bend your mind #dont go in hoping for it to bend your mind because the best thing about homestuck is how funny and relatable and memorable it is #I LOVE HOMESTUCK MORE THAN I LOVE ANYTHING IN THE WORLD EXCEPT MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER #SO JUST KNOW FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART THAT I WOULD BE LITERALLY OVERJOYED IF YOU (yes you) DECIDE TO READ IT #:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD #thats all folks #im putting this under #faq #not because its a frequently asked question #but because i waNT PEOPLE TO KNOW that all you have to do is sTART READING IT #:'''D #ask #anon #kiyye speaks

[positive-lesbian-vibes]

Hi! I was wondering, what are some examples of lesbian-coded characters in fiction? Whenever i've seen posts about gay-coded characters it's usually about male gay-coded characters, which is good! They deserve to be talked about! But I was wondering who some gay-coded female characters are.

generally speaking when people talk about “gay coded” characters in fiction its from older media during a time when it was actually illegal to show gay characters having happy endings. the bury your gays trope didnt just show up one day, it happened because for a period of time the only way producers were allowed to show gay characters was either if one or both of them died, they became heterosexual at the end, or they had otherwise unhappy endings in an attempt to discourage The Youths from being gay (side note here: making gay characters die doesnt mean fewer people irl are gay its just means they have no positive role models but uh i think we all know that here)

that meant that if directors or producers wanted to represnt gay people with happy endings, they would have to code the character as gay, but not explicitly say they were gay. most of the time this was done with whatever gay stereotypes pervaded at the time - in early hollywood that would be things like having the women smoke and work, the men would be more effeminate, etc. if that was too obvious, it would be “independent women” or men who werent interested in dating. 

as a result we dont necessarily get “gay coded” characters today like we used to, because censorship laws no longer prevent displaying gay characters in a positive light. if producers and writers want a gay character, they can just put in a gay character, and there are no rules about how that characters story has to end, although most writers and directors still choose to kill of the gay characters because theyre homophobes but thats a story for a different time

but “gay coding” hasnt necessarily gone away, either, because gay characters are still considered “mature” and cant really be shown in childrens tv shows, books, or movies without outrage from homophobes. so in a way, gay coding does still exist, just on a different level.

i dont really read or watch a lot of media from periods of time where gay characters were required to be portrayed negatively, so i cant really think of any off the top of my head. as far as characters that were gay coded in modern tv shows, janice ian from mean girls was gay coded (tina fey chose not to condemn lebophobic bullying by throwing janice into a shoehorned hetero romance at the end that makes no sense instead of letting janice be the lesbian she was born to be), i have never seen bend it like beckham but everyone talks about all the gay subtext in that, i think velma from scooby doo was actually going to be a lesbian but there was too much controversy over that so they made her straight but she was still gay coded imo, a lot of people see miss honey from matilda as gay coded

for the most part, i think most of the “gay coding” people talk about in modern media doesnt actually fit the technical definition of “gay coding” which was a system set up to defy to censorship laws by deliberately having characters flag as gay without forcing them to have unhappy endings. most of what we call “gay coding” today is not intentional by the writers (who will almost always adamantly defend the heterosexuality of their characters) but is instead an interpretation by the viewers, which doesnt necessarily decrease the value of the characters, but it does show authors true colors when they get very upset about their viewers interpreting the characters differently than the writers intended (im sure yall saw the supergirl debacle thing, it was all over my dash)

it does, to me, show an interesting disconnect between straight people and understanding the gay experience, however, for example, many lesbians see twilight and relate to bella heavily (bc shes a lesbian lol), mostly because bella’s experiences and emotions often match up very similarly to their own. while stephanie meyer will defend the Pure Heterosexuality of her precious characters, it doesnt change the fact that there are a lot of points in the twilight series that are very typical to lesbians experiencing lots of internalized lesbophobia: bella was never interested in dating until some Magical Unattainable boy came up, who then became Less Unattainable, who was Unlike Other Men, whose abusive behaviors she (unknowingly) misinterpretted for love, when in reality she confused her desire for male approval because of her father’s poor parenting that she got through edward as actual romantic love. the female characters she did connect to (alice, angelina, even rosalie if you look closely, wow im remembering more of these names than i thought i would) were all much healthier relationships, and in some ways closer than most friendships tend to be (if you interpret it that way) in the same way many lesbians confused romantic love for platonic love for their friends. when viewed through that lense, seeing bella as a lesbian who hasnt come to term with her lesbianism yet due to being abused as a child and having an abusive boyfriend, it makes a lot more sense than “she met a hot vampire dude who thinks shes great for some reason and now she wants to bone him.” but since stephanie is a shitty writer who doesnt understand the lesbian experience, she will refuse to see it that way and instead protest that no, it really is just a super elaborate love story, not that she doesnt know how to write romance and that she accidentally created a closeted lesbian character in an abusive relationship.

anyway wow sorry for this essay im supposed to be reading my physics textbook now which is why i psychoanalyzed twilight there for a hot second but anyway u didnt really ask for this but thats my hot take for the day

#gay coding #twilight #abuse mention tw #compulsory heterosexuality #i do want to write a more complex post abt bella being a lesbian though #some day #anonymous #ask

[bergaruh]

Tagged by @wheezboys​ thank u so much??!!?

Rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

Last:

1. Drink - coffee 

2. Phone call - mac or my grandmother i dont know which 

3. Text message - my friend jesse!

4. Song you listened to - should have known better, sufjan stevens

5. Time you cried - i crushed my finger under the cream machine at work today and tears rose to my eyes unbidden 

Ever:

6. Dated someone twice? - ive never dated :(

7. Kissed someone and regretted it - ive kissed two people and hated both of them in the end 

8. Been cheated on - not technically 

9. Lost someone special - we all have at some point i think

10. Been depressed - i mean.....yeah

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - i will never throw up. i won't let myself im not even kidding

Fave colours:

12. red

13. purple

14. olive green

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends - no the last friend i made was tessa and that was over a year ago now!!!

16. Fallen out of love - platonically, yeah

17. Laughed until you cried - yeah there was this one post and i fukcnig died last night ask me for it im dying to laugh again jhfklghfdljkghd

18. Found out someone was talking about you - yesterday! 

19. Met someone who changed you - yeah, not great

20. Found out who your friends are - i dont have irl friends anymore so i guess thats a yes?

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list - no i blocked ****** and j*sse doesn't have social media

General:

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl - all but two that i met on tungle

23. Do you have any pets -technically no but my parents have a gorgeous boy named stinky (ask for pics and ye shall receive) 

24. Do you want to change your name - Most Desperately 

25. What did you do for your last birthday - i was at my friend jess’ and her mother found out ive never gotten a birthday cake and made me a cinnamon roll with a candle and i almost cried

26. What time did you wake up today - 06:15

27. What were you doing at midnight last night - trying to sleep

28. What is something you can’t wait for - friday i get trained for my executive position at my school!

30. What are you listening to right now - eugene, sufjan stevens (BEST SUFJAN SONG) 

31. Have you ever talked to a person named tom - yeah!! we wrote music together! i wanted to uhhhhhhhhhhhh.... d*te him 

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves - all my impending deadlines :)

33. Most visited website - JSTOR

34. Hair colour - blonde but brown in some places

35. Long or short hair - long and thicc 

36. Do you have a crush on someone - kind of??? but i dont Know because th*mas really fuvked me up

37. What do you like about yourself - nothing much to like! 

38. Want any piercings? - i have Several and i think i want my next one to be on my nose somewhere

39. Blood type -  o negative

40. Nicknames - zak is technically a nickname since its short for zacharian but zak attack (tessa), sweet gee (myself but also tessa), geesus (mac)

41. Relationship status - single and gay

42. Zodiac - scorpio 

43. Pronouns - he/they 

44. Fave tv shows - x files, dirk gently, t**n w*lf (sorry god sorry mam), hannibal, the good place

45. Tattoos -two on my leg. a mourning band and karma police

46. Right or left handed - left but i can write faster with my right hand because my mother legit forced me to as a kid

47. Ever had surgery - again, Several, 

48. Piercings - i had my lip pierced but it got ripped out in a fight. my ears are pierced thrice on both sides and an industrial on the right

49. Sport - i was in a car accident that crushed the left side of my body so not anymore but i used to play soccer, rugby, and i figure skated 

50. Vacation - road trip around north america w my friends!

51. Trainers - as in shoes? i have some. 

More general:

52. Eating - im scared to eat rn because theres a stomach bug going around and my roommate had it yesterday and if i dont eat i won't be able to throw up so 

53. Drinking - i drink whiskey every day of my life. also coffee. and when im feeling healthy, tea. 

54. I’m about to watch - nothing im writing a research paper on commodus and nero

55. Waiting for - the day i finally best god in hand to hand combat

56. Want - to finish this essay

57. Get married - for sure! id love to be like “thats my husband!” and knock someone tf OUT

Which is better:

59. Hugs or kisses - not great w physical contact tbh

60. Lips or eyes - eyes

61. Shorter or taller - uuuuuuuh im 4′11″ so im gonna say....taller......

62. Older or younger - older im 20 so right now anyone younger is kinda weird for me

63. Nice arms or stomach - ARMS justin_bieber_i_love_arm.jpg

64. Hookup or relationship - relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - troublemaker i cause shit all the time 

Have you ever:

66. Kissed a stranger - not physically

67. Drank hard liquor - yeah moonshine is my bitch

68. Lost glasses - no i only had one pair throughout my entire life and then i switched to contacts and wore them way longer than ur supposed to because it was cheaper and now i Just Dont See

69. Turned someone down - yeah and it was awkward

70. Sex on first date - never dated so No

71. Broken someones heart - i think so but u know

72. Had your heart broken - oh yeah losing vogal felt like losing family

73. Been arrested - :)

74. Cried when someone died - mark

75. Fallen for a friend - jesse i guess but not really

Do you believe in:

76. Yourself - absolutely not im a bozo 

77. Miracles - no 

78. Love at first sight - no but i believe u were meant for some people?? like at first sight is a little soon but some people u meet and u Know i guess

79. Santa Claus - yeah!! its so uplifting to think he's real, christmas feels that much better if u do

80. Kiss on a first date - i wouldn't but you do you! if ur comfortable and u ask u can and should! 

81. Angels - i want to

Other:

82. Best friend’s name - tessa! stormy! begrudgingly mac... 

83. Eye colour - one is blue and one is green but if u weren't looking u wouldn't notice

84. Fave movie: rn pacrim is my Interest so we’ll say pacific rim

85. Fave actor- HUGH DANCY

Tagging: @unsolvedbfs @spoookystardust @ghoulign (even tho u already did it) and uuuuh anyone who wants to! the ppl i usually tag on main aren't in this fandom and i dont know many ppl 

#a whisper #txt

[cute-trans-people]

Mod Frankie here.

In light of the stuff that got posted last I’m going to post an in-depth response, but I’d like to start it off with saying; I do not agree with Ash. I am trying to remove him from the blog as we speak. 

This is gonna get long, so I’m posting under a read more.

Hey, @ashthenerdiestnerd here’s a long response. Go fuck yourself and get the fuck of my blog please. 

I have deleted the original post as well as the ask Ash answered, but I will keep up the second thing he posted at least temporarily. 

I don’t agree with anything that Ash posted. I haven’t spoken to him since March and he has only ever posted 4 things on this blog, I don’t know why the fuck he hasn’t removed himself from it yet. 

I don’t think that you need dysphoria to be trans. The only requirement to being trans is identifying as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth. Being trans is not a disorder. The DSM-5 explicitly states that it is not a disorder. 

The myth that non-dysphoric trans people (and especially nonbinary people) are taking away resources and from “actual” trans people is bullshit.

I’m also going to be responding the the asks he deleted here (I get emails for all asks and I will be copying and pasting from there)

@thecreepycrow

"To be tran, you need to have dysphoria" is probably one of the more ignorant things I've hear in the last week. No, no you don't. There are nonbinary people who have little to no dysphoria, those people are still trans. There are people who are born a biological sex and ID as a different gender but have zero issue with their actual body and don't feel the need to medically transition and just look however they'd like. Being trans is not that cut and dry in a lot of cases

I agree completely. If you look back on the other things posted on this blog I have always and will always support all my trans siblings; with and without dysphoria.

Anonymous

Why have you betrayed me like this?

I assure you that I don’t agree with anything Ash said and am getting him removed from this blog as quickly as I can.

Anonymous

good to know your blog is trash! thanks for being open about it, at least. transphobia is transphobia and theres no excuses. i dont have to cut myself up for your fucking benefit.

I’m so sorry for what he said, I would’ve thought it’d be apparent that this blog as a whole does not agree in any way shape or form with truscum beliefs.

Anonymous

Hey, just a reminder that being trans in not a disorder, that a lot of dysphoria is due to society not accommodating trans people and varying trans narratives. Some trans people have dysphoria, some have euphoria, some have neither or both; the defintion of trans is not identifying with the gender you were assigned at birth, and thats the only qualifier. The only person that can comment truely on persons gender is that person

Very well put! Gender euphoria is often overlooked in discussions about being trans, but I think it's very important in combatting the idea that being trans is just suffering.

Anonymous

Wasn’t honestly going to say anything but it’s important. I’m going to be unfollowing. I have been trying to find positivity. That post was negativity and I don’t honestly want to see more of it. Trans people shouldn’t have to hate themselves to be trans. If they say they are a bit then take that and know that they are a boy. Getting surgery won’t make them cry and say “I’m not female enough” just because they didn’t hate themselves before doesn’t mean they’ll hate themselves after lol

I understand unfollowing. I try to keep this blog as positive and discourse free as possible. I’ve deleted that post and am currently trying to do some damage control before going back to the regular schedule of posting.

Anonymous

then why the hell post this here? This is supposed to be about positivity, not telling people who don't want to go through bottom or top surgery that they aren't valid for ANY reason they might want it.

I know and I’m really sorry that got posted. I would’ve deleted it immediately, but I was asleep.

Anonymous

it was rlly hurtful seeing transphobic stuff on this blog, is ash gonna be kicked off?? pls do bc most of what he said isnt even true! being trans is cool! dysphoria sucks yes Ok but u cant be negative and be "being trans is constant suffering and pain and if u dont feel that ur not a real Trans" like thats not even useful or helpful, also; many cis ppl can feel dysphoria (not to b confused w dysmorphia) and they cant be trans just bc they have dysphoria? idk but i dont want him on this blog thx

I’m trying as hard as I can to get him off this blog, but from what I remember he lives somewhere where its like 4am right now so he hasn’t responded to my message. 

Anonymous

im actually super glad for that response to that post... as a transguy i literally can not fathom someone not even experiencing SOCIAL DYSPHORIA (which is literally just wanting to be seen as your actual gender and not your assigned gender). I personally experience strong physical and social dysphoria and if someone doesn’t experience even a mild form of either of these.... they arent trans. If you dont want to be seen as your “true gender” (for any reason other than safety) you arent trans.

Hey, kindly fuck off. I don’t want you following this blog. This is a positivity blog and that post was uncalled for. I don’t want truscum or transmedicalists following or interacting with this blog at all.

#mod: frankie #dont reblog