#im so glad its just normal supernatural stuff

[im-just-star-dust]

Saw supernatural was trending and immediently thought "oh no, whats happening in the news today?" Its like an innate reaction how tf do i explain that to anyone

#supernatural #its dean birthday :) #i was expecting a tragedy #im so glad its just normal supernatural stuff #instead of just pure dread #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #destiel

[jemmo]

reveal your watch & rewatch drama list

ty to the always lovely @snimeat for tagging me and letting me rant about the gays for a hot minute (bc let’s be real what else do i watch) 💕

watching:

21 days theory - i picked this one up bc it was there and i have time to fill while i’m off work and it was enemies to lovers so… gotta say so far im not hating it and i think the leads are cute, i just don’t care for any of this side character straightness i feel happening, hoping there’s less of that going forwards

even sun - still haven’t finished this bc what even is this show. it’s just such a weird watch and i still am not fully sure what’s going on but hey bounprem are on screen and doing stuff??? i guess???? but if this was to tide me over until between us, it didn’t work

his man - this i didn’t expect to get into bc im not normally a reality tv fan but man am i invested. something about how shy and almost awkward they all are around each other and now slowly becoming more comfortable and getting closer, it’s just so fun to watch and i cant stop my stupid grin the whole time. also changyu supremacy

mama gogo - this is one of the first non-bl gmmtv shows I’ve followed week to week and omg am i glad I have. It’s just so much fun, the characters and their storylines are fun and interesting, the dancing is cheesy but you can tell they’re just having the best time and i have cried at multiple eps. just so much heart in such a fun series, i love it here

merry queer - very behind on this but it’s an interesting watch and i just wanna support what it’s doing. but also hani

minato shouji coin laundry - oh my beloved. this show has wormed its way into my heart and set up shop there. i might just be a little bit obsessed with shin and his bold, forthright flirting and how he can go from so confident and driven to so hurt and in need of love and attention. and i think the story they’re telling is very interesting, esp with minato and how he shows this post-high school queer experience that we rarely ever see, and how those experiences affect you going into adulthood. plus it’s just cute and soft and the vibes are so welcome, it’s a show i wanna snuggle

the eclipse - what else needs to be said. confident rebel gay meets uptight golden-boy gay panic in a enemies to lovers plot shrouded in supernatural mystery and system oppression. sign me the fuck up. can’t wait to see first and khao act their asses off and have their moment to shine.

vice versa - whenever im watching this show im just having the best time and that’s what i love. jimmy and sea are just the most adorable pair to watch and the series has such lovely styling and cinematography and a vibe that’s so considered and adds to the atmosphere and story so much that i can’t not be in love with it. and im so ready to dive deeper into what this story is gonna give us

war of Y - this is kind of messy but it’s too early for me to tell if it’s in a good or bad way yknow?? i didn’t watch scoy nor do i know much about it but the mains seem to have good chemistry, but also we’ve kind of just been thrown in to this world where stuff is happening and it’s kind of hard to understand what everyone’s deal is, esp when you can’t read any of the texts and such

extraordinary attorney woo - back in kdrama land! watched ep 1 a couple of days ago bc my sister wants my mom to watch it and it was cute, so yay for a good family watch

bad buddy - i can’t believe we’ve made it to this point, but both my sisters only have ep 12 to watch now and then the big bad buddy rewatch and experience for them is over. it’s been so much fun sharing this with ppl and reliving everything I felt for those 12 weeks through them again. god i miss it so much and this show will never not impress and move and amaze me, you wonderful creature

my only 12% - this was a cute surprise actually. i have no clue where the story is going bc I’ve gone in blind but santaearth have a fantastic dynamic and act so naturally with each other that it’s just fun to watch even when nothing is really happening.

starting soon:

the only thing i’ll be starting soon is whatever i try to get my sisters to watch after bad buddy. the current candidates are probably blueming, to my star and maybe kinnporsche if i can handle watching that content with someone else (but my sisters are both smut fic writers, it’s water off a fucks back to them) but any recs or votes are welcome lol

i know im late on this one but I’ll just tag @seeking-moonscapes @talaypuens and @dribs-and-drabbles so i can peek at what your watching and your thoughts on them bc im nothing if not nosy 😁😁

#i should rlly start tagging these game things but I’m so lazy with that kind of stuff #ugh #tag games #i guess #but also I love having so much to watch at the moment #and I’ve been re-binging stuff bc I have free time and it’s just like #i love being in my cozy queer media bubble

[silverfirewolfsurtleaus]

More vampire leo stuff...partly because brain go brrr.

-----

"So whatcha working on this time Don?" Leo peaked over the human teens shoulder only to be puched back. He flailed a bit before falling over. Mikey and raph both blinking at leo a ninja vampire over 600 years old and he still can be pushed away by a normal human teen?

"Its a surprise leo so keep your snout to itself" Donnie temporarly took of his gogglea to give leo an unimpressed look before putting them back on and turning back to his project.

"Hey leo how come Donnie can push you like he does dont you have like 500 years of being a ninja and vampire under your belt?" Raph asked because it was buring in his brain now.

"It makes me feel like a normal person plus if I used my abilities I could hurt Donnie without meaning to." Leo shrugged "pretty simple logic if you ask me."

"Why are humans so frail?"

"They arent that frail Mikey. A lot of supernatural crwatures and yokai are just really tough." Raph sighed rubbing his head.

"Humans have always had to rely more on their ingeinuity rather than natural weapons. Weve never had fangs or claws like many animals or even yokai. Humans with powers are very very, thats two verys, rare and often were harmed out of fear." Donnie sighed "comapired to you three yes I am fragile but thats because evolution deemed it better for humans creativity and mind to be the focus rather than anything like powers or natural deffences, yes leo I know you were born as a normal turtle put you hand down you smug ass my point still stands, nor am I likely to gain it I dont have the same kind of cercumstances Raph has after all." Donnie streched a bit. " that said Im not just going to be the guy who stays back while his friends go head first into trouble."

Leo was glad he didnt have anything to drink because he would have spit take. Donnie was holding up a freaking tech bo. A tech bo the other three looked at him worried as he froze.

"I think you broke him Don." Mikey looked between the human and the vampire. "Howd you do that?" Donnie could only hopelessly shrug.

#vampire leo au #rottmnt au #save rottmnt #leo #donnie #raph #mikey #I actually need to write them getting into trouble #more than what I have #hmmmm

[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

#i love all of you guys so much thanks for all these asks #some of these are literally from march but fuck it #the day tumblr puts dates next to anon messages is the day i close my inbox crawl into a hole and die #it's such a basic task to answer asks but i don't want to bother anyone with asks clogging up their timeline #and if i don't have a funny or good answer i'm like 'uhh okay won't answer it now then' #so this is for you #also i deleted a few asks because it gives me mental pain to see my inbox go over 50 and it's almost at 100 #i was complaining about having too many asks to the-real-peter-parker like months ago and then i had 45 asks in my inbox #now it's amassed to going over 100 twice #but no i love all of you and you're great and you're all fantastic and i lvoe you #muchos kiss kiss #kiss kiss for my kiddies lvoe you #invincible spoilers #dc #dcu #dc comics #ask #anon #bataranswers #i really wanna try aguapanela now i'm gonna see if i can find panela somewhere and review it for you babes #uh yeah that's it #muchos gracias for all your questions babes

[toxicsamruby]

1/7 MM okay gotcha gotcha. I was thinking about this on a smaller scale, where i don't think discussing racism in supernatural should be "fun and interesting" (phrase you used in your original post that rubbed me the wrong way b/c [hot take] I don't think racist tropes reminiscent of the Birth of a Nation and the policing of poor black communities are fun and interesting. they're horrible. but, like you said, we shouldn't shy away from horrible things), but no yeah i get what you're saying about

2/7 people showing the same enthusiasm, willing participation, and depth when talking about this stuff as w/gender&sexuality. I agree with that AND it's important to keep in mind, especially with a fanbase that's largely white, whom these analyses are for and who is writing them (b/c a white person's racial reading isn't the same as a bipoc's). But, again, that's on the smaller scale, which appears to have more to do with personal accountability and discussion norms.

3/7 AND i also get what you're saying about using the entirety of supernatural to examine "american attitudes about the Other" and how that needs to be broken down in ethnic/racial/culture identities just as it is with queer indentities and yes i agree. as for the marketing/monetary engagement thing, i may have been speaking out of turn there because i don't know a ton about marketing or audience appeal and i also wasn't invested in all the spn meta/BTS stuff until recently.

4/7 what I said was purely my observations of the very specific 'spn renaissance' tumblr circle, which appeared different from the, say, twitter circles that pay for merch and whatnot (again, this may not be accurate, it's just from what i've seen). HOWEVER, that being said, if we're speaking specifically about the long-term, /larger/ cultural impact supernatural has, I 100% agree that it needs to be recognized and condemned as a racist and all-around patriarchal show. I did forget that spn made

5/7 so many headlines about both queerbaiting and having a queer character or whatever, and the same headlines need to be made about how it treats bipoc and other minorities. Although supernatural is a mess and considered cringey and a dead horse, it still holds a significant amount of power and (at least some) reputability in media. and this is all despite its misogyny and homophobia and cisheteronormativity (this is the case for so many shows, not just spn). I guess i was just concerned about

6/7 'ok, what if mainstream starts having these conversations about racism very specifically in a way that normalizes it and makes it seem hatecrime-but we'll-allow-it,' so now we have this monster of a show that KNOWS it's racist but doesn't really care. But it's equally as terrible to not point it out. But it doesn't matter anyways, because the show is over now, and it's not like they're gonna give reparations to the actors they killed and the people they hurt. your point about us having these

7/7 conversations (in a way that does not make it seem like like fun ideas to ponder over) being the only thing we CAN do to lessen the power the White Narrative of Supernatural (both meta and in-text) really resonates, and i hadn't thought of that but i totally agree. in other words lmao, fuck this show

yeah “fun” might’ve been the wrong word choice for all the reasons u gave i really didn’t mean to trivialize racism as a discussion and i see what u mean especially w how people have responded to the homophobia of supernatural me included like saying oh its homophobic but its funny so it’s fine and ur absolutely right that we Cant allow the discussion of race to go the same way (and honestly ur intuition was right bc in the tags of that post theres white people saying we SHOULD take it as lightly as the homophobia). so yeah the phrasing was my bad

but my general point stands. like i personally find it really fulfilling and interesting to talk abt how supernatural (and other fiction) replicates these american ideas about the Other bc supernatural is a FASCINATING microcosm of american culture (and of course in part bc i Am an american other)! and that post was mostly in response to how white fans seem to shy away from these extremely complex and interesting conversations bc they consider discussion of racism a chore like something they Have to do so they can say “it was bad that they killed off kevin tran. see i engaged critically! now back to the meta that relates to Me and My experiences”

and of course the analysis that becomes generally accepted and talked abt by fans shapes the actual presence of the show in pop culture. so we should do our best to write good and thoughtful and compassionate analysis of EVERY aspect of the text, especially one so deeply embedded as the race element.

basically yeah ur right and i think we pretty much agree. fuck this show! thank you for sending me these messages by the way im glad we could talk this out :)

#i think this might actually be the most productive conversation ive ever had abt a piece of fiction lmfao #asks #crit

[goattypegirl]

Harrow the Ninth Live Read: Chapter 6-11

Con: It’s been a while

Pro: We finished part 1!

Con: this post is hella long now.

Chapter 6

Eighth House icon. Oh no. Gotta say, not a fan of the characters from the Eight House in Gideon the Ninth, whose names I now forget. There was Big Dude and Mayonnaise Twink. 

OH OK WE’RE STARTING OFF WITH SOME LOCKED IN SYNDROME SHIT. 

So, panicked person wheeling Harrow is given the title “Sacred Hand.” I vaguely recall seeing that before; is that a title given to Lyctors? Is this one of the OG Lyctors finally making an appearance? Wheeling the frozen Harrow to the Emperor to “unfuck accordingly?” Well, maybe not. Presumably another Lyctor would be able to “unfuck accordingly” themselves.

Oh disregard it is a Lyctor! And if we go back to the Dramatis Personae, this should be... Mercymorn! Originally of the Eighth House! She seems nice.

“It was his order that she not be touched.” Did the Emperor do this? But hwhy?

Calling Harrow and Ianthe babies is kind of hilarious. Aaaand Mercymorn just knocked this random person unconscious. OH wait is this the person the Emperor said to make static-y noises at? Survey says... maybe? They were called the Saint of Joy, which seems a unique title?

The whole description of the Lyctor and the way she visually dissects Harrow is so poetic, but something else catches my eye here. Harrow says her eyes did not have such a startling transition, which helps confirm my theory that Harrow is suppressing or undid the Lyctor process.

Also using the power of Cringe, Harrow partially(?) undoes the paralysis spell done to her. “An emotion was playing out over her face that was- not unfamiliar to you- but nonsensical; you discarded it.” Eh? What emotion could this be referring to? Confusion over what Harrow did? Awe? Fear? All of the above?

OH okay before I forget, Harrow formed a bone hook inside of her to do that, and she made that bone sheath to hold on to the sword, so maybe her necromancy isn’t being suppressed? Well, maybe. That feels more... internal? Like she hasn’t grown any full ass skeletons from bone dust yet.

...Why is Harrow afraid of telling Mercymorn her actual age? Why is the Body telling her to lie? Why fifteen??

Relief? That’s what flashed across Mercymorn’s face? Oh, duh, because Harrow did that and didn’t immediately die. Duh. Also she straight up said “hiss”? That is weird. Also, thinking back, it is weird there wasn’t an age requirement in the Lyctor trials. Also Mercymorn took Ianthe too???

“You’re not as pretty as Anastasia.” Anastasia being the member of the Ninth House listed with the Lyctors, but not as one of the Saints. Doing this liveread has its advantages, namely that I can remember shit that happened earlier! 

OH WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT. “AS Anastasia,” not “As Anastasia was.” Implying Anastasia’s still alive? Matches her name not being struck through in the Dramatis Personae, and Mercymorn said there were 3 OG Lyctors now. Which matches with Anastasia not having that line about being a Saint! I’ve connected the two dots!

Okay there’s a lot going on here. Why is this normal necromancer so fascinating to Ianthe and Harrow? What she’s doing is pretty dope to be fair. Mercymorn called Ianthe 12... which... huh. More on that in a second. First, I need to google what the fuck an animaphiliac is... probably in an incognito window. Oh, okay, it’s just a style of necromancy in this universe okay thank God. Mercymorn also said Ianthe wasn’t as attractive as Cyrus... which is weird... And it reminds Ianthe of being with Mummy... I assume she means her mother, comparing her to Coronabeth? Oof.

So, back to the lowballing age thing. Mercymorn assumes Ianthe is 12, probably  because she’s super old and has forgotten how mortals age. Harrow seems to have subconsciously picked up on this, which is why she lied about her age. I’m still in the camp of the Body being non-supernatural in origin. Yes, she has Gideon’s eyes, BUT, she spoke in the voice of Harrow’s mother and Aiglamene. SO, my theory is that the Body is a product of the trauma Harrow’s gone through, that’s kind of externalizing Harrow’s inner thought process. Like I said earlier, I’ve read Twig, and this is reminiscent of that.

OH hey we’re headed to the frontline apparently? Because 3 warships got shot down suddenly? Which begs the question I’ve had in the back of my mind since first picking up this series, who the fuck are they fighting??? Probably not Ressurection Beasts, given what we know about them. Other humans, probably? Dominicus (probably) isn’t Earth or humanity’s home planet. 

Okay, hold up. The Emperor is trying to get to the frontline now, Mercymorn wants him to return to “the Mithraeum”, which is presumably the capital of the Empire outside of the Dominicus system? Also, Emperor’s been on the ship for 80 years, and been away from the Mithraeum for 100... Once again, the math’s not adding up...

Okay, so God hugs Mercymorn, she freezes, he confirms that he is leaving, and that he knows exactly who shot down 3 warships???

Okay cool we’re not headed to the fronline, we’re headed to the Mithraeum, whatever the fuck that is.

Ohhh and the Cohort necromancer girl died, or committed suicide? And the Emperor brought her back? ...There’s a story there.

Ohhhh Mom and Dad are fighting.

OKAY ONCE AGAIN A LOT TO UNPACK HERE BUT THE MITHRAEUM CAN ONLY BE REACHED BY ONE MEANS???? AND IT MAY HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH BEING A LYCTOR???

...Hey. So. Here’s something. In the description of Mercy’s sword, it says it has a white knob at the end of, and I quote “-you didn’t know the exact technical word. It was a pommel though.” There’s a disconnect there, between Harrow’s knowledge, and the narrator’s knowledge. This has happened a few other times, like just a few pages ago, Harrow says a room is used for bodily functions, but the narrator jumps in and says no one in the universe would call it that, it’s a toilet. And this is going to sound kind of batshit, but like 6 years ago i was in to Undertale, and there was a popular theory that the narrator in that game was a separate character from the PC and... a lot of the points used in that theory kinda ring true here... even the use of second person narration...

So the narrator is a separate character from Harrow? Now, whether this narrator exists in-universe, or if this is a really cool stylistic choice, is another story. Right now I’m leaning towards... I don’t know. Well, hm. If the Body is a kind of externalization of Harrow’s inner thought process, maybe the narrator is an internalization? 

That makes no sense.

Something to keep in mind.

Anyway, the shuttle detaches. There’s a sort of irony, in God being tired of people martyring themselves for him, but giving a speech saying “hey if you die in my service I love you.”

OKAY I think we’re about to go faster than light using necromancy? This should be good. OH OKAY WE’RE TAKING A SHORTCUT THROUGH HELL. COOL.

...so what was their original method of faster than light travel that turned out to be unusable? did it have to do with neutrinos in italy?

okay I love Mercy and the Emperor’s dialogue here. Again, objectively, I’m sure they’re bad people who have committed several warcrimes... but the way they bicker is just hilarious.

I’m googling hyperpotamus, and i’m only getting other Harrow the Ninth livereads, so it appears to be a term made for the book. But I have a terrible feeling it’s a pun on hippopotamus.

There are so many quotes here that I absolutely love, including “said the Lord of the Nine Houses, who apparently existed within a complex power dynamic.”  and “The magma metaphor falls apart from here.” 

...Oh. Okay, serious time. Even at the very start, just post-Resurrection, two of the Lyctors fell to the Resurrection Beasts. Well, one died, and one was “removed from play.” Which sounds horrifying.

So we’re dipping into Hell because you can move fast there. Hell is full of angry ghosts. This explains the ghost ward. Lyctors have hacked the system, and so can kind of survive there. And we learn what happened to Cassiopeia, one of the deceased Lyctors. (Interestingly enough it says she baited physical portions of the Ressurection Beast. Not a beast. Nor is it given a number...)

ALright so entering the River physically sounds fucking horrifying. I’m very glad we only have to do it this once and it definitely won’t come back later in the book nope definitely not.

“and that you felt alone in your head.” ;_;

Chapter 7

Sixth House icon.

There’s not a lot to say here, besides how freaky this is. How much do you want to bet that the faint wail Harrow hears is coming from the coffin with Cyntherea’s body?

JOHN. GOD’S NAME IS JOHN?? #NAME LORE UNLOCKED. IM JUST SO HAPPY I FINALLY HAVE A WAY TO REFER TO HIM WITHOUT STRUGGLING TO SPELL EMPORER EVERY FUCKIN TIME.

Also, Mercymorn knowing his like actual human name further implies some stuff about the timeline of the Ressurection, which I was wondering about previously... but that’s a discussion for later because Harrow’s in Hell!

Not a lot to say here besides 

fuck.

A few things. One. I think they’re going to get out of this okay? And by okay I mean alive? We know Ianthe, the Emperor, and Harrow live up to the point of the Prologue, and I don’t think Mercymorn is going to die already. 

Two. Cassiopeia was from the Sixth House, going by her Cavalier’s last name, which explains the chapter icon.

Three. The lights? The last page or so is very metaphorical, but, at the beginning it says Harrow perceived herself as a “sickly radiance”, and that she perceived the others on the ship as a light as well. She later said she was an “ova cluster of two hundred pinpricks of light.” So I think in this deep part of the River Harrow accidentally sent herself to, souls (maybe?) are displayed as lights. Harrow’s own soul is literally made up of the hundreds of dead House Nine kids, which is. Spooky. But then, at the end, when they jump out of the River, they bring 5 lights with them. So... either something hitched a ride with them, or it has something to do with Harrow suppressing Gideon and the Lyctor ritual. Everyone else on the ship has undergone the Lyctor ritual (or something similar, in John’s case), and they only have 1 light each. At least to Harrow’s eyes. BRUH IDK WHAT”S GOING ON. 

Chapter 8

No further answers here, this is a flashback chapter! So, sheared skull = flashback. And this chapter is going to feature the Fourth House, apparently. Who was Fourth House again? Oh no it was the kids. Oh no. ;_;

So, we are continuing through Harrow’s re-imagination of the events of Canaan House, with her Ortus OC in tow.

Of course Harrow is overwhelmed by normal tea, and of course Harrow thinks dressing up skeletons is stupid. 

AND of course Harrow would have a private prayer wishing doom on anyone that looks at her with any kind of emotion.

Hold up, the Anastasian tomb? Reserved for warriors? And presumably derived from the word Anastasia, the mysterious not-Lyctor of the Ninth House?? 

I can already tell Anastasia is going to become my Pepe Silvia. 

Ohhh this is going to be a lore bomb about the timeline of the Ressurection and I’m going to need to pull out my copy of Gideon the Ninth to see if any of this shit actually happened. 

TEN? TEN NORMAL ASS HUMANS? AND FIVE NECROMANCERS?? BUT THERE WERE SEVEN LYCTORS. THE MATH DOES NOT CHECK OUT.

Okay so I checked and none of this shit actually happened! In fact, Teacher actually said there were 16, 8 necromancers, 8 cavaliers. Where the fuck is Harrow getting 10 from? Who knows! And rather than explicitly saying “hey check out the basement labs to see how to become a Lyctor,” Teacher actually said fuck if I know. Not actually. But still.

Oh of course it’s called the Sleeper!! I had Kill Bill sirens playing in my head when I first read that. 

So,  had a whole ass monologue here, but this is already very long and im sleepy, so to very quickly summarize, the Parahumans series had an entity known as the Sleeper that was intentionally very mysterious and raised a lot of questions amongst fans, and the fact that there’s another entity here known as the Sleeper is flooding me.

So, I’m spooked. Again, this entire conversation did not actually happen. Teacher’s dialogue is precious. “go where I durst not go: because I love my life, and I love noise, also.” and “I do not know the answers to any of these questions, only that, already, you are being too loud.”

So, the rest of the chapter plays out with Ortus complaining to Harrow. Intriguingly, he says that Harrow doesn’t have much of an imagination, when she says there was no one else to choose as her Cavalier... And then one of the skeletons says, “Is this how it happens?” harkening back to Parodos, when the Body says something similar. There’s a lot to unpack here. One, like I said previously, because Ortus, and apparently the entirety of Canaan House, is a product of Harrow’s mind, they can maybe give some insight into Harrow herself. However, the fact that Ortus seems to break character and chastise her for her lack of imagination is... I don’t know.

Okay, theory time. “The Work” alluded to in the letters is not only the suppression of Lyctor-hood, it’s also the erasure of Gideon, and the creation of these false memories. Meaning Lyctor!Harrow somehow crafted them; there was conscious effort behind it. Which means we can totally pick these scenes apart to gain further insight into Harrow! The skeleton and the Body asking if this is what happened, and Ortus breaking character (maybe) are her subconscious breaking through... Maybe that ties into my idea of the narrator being an internalization or compartmentalization of Harrow’s trauma? Hmm...

Chapter 9

Seventh House skull, and not a flashback. I’m guessing this is because we’re going to inter Cyntherea’s body here.

Okay, so time seems to have passed. IDK how much of the River Harrow remembers here. It seems like she recalls it like a bad dream. Ianthe’s here, and they’re in a chapel made of bone. Or at least one absolutely covered in bone. 

Here’s a question. The necromancy Harrow excels at, that’s creating a whole ass skeleton from a single bit of bone. Is she actually creating a new skeleton? Or is she reforming one. Like if she had two teeth from the same skeleton, could she use that to make two new skeletons? In the last chapter the Ressurection was described as not creating anything new... does that apply to all of necromancy, or just what the Emperor did?

Also another side note, Harrow says the stars glow with an unearthly light, which matches what the Emperor said, that they restarted the stars near the Mithraeum with thanergy, so they’re weird now. Except... wasn’t Dominicus restarted the same way? Or is the Dominicus system a hybrid of thanergy and thalergy? I’m getting my energies mixed up.

Anyway yep it’s Cyntherea’s funeral, and Harrow is checking the fuck out.

Okay we have a new Lyctor... and I’m guessing it’s Augustine, since he and Mercymorn are fighting.  

Okay and John’s giving a speech and giving more lore about the pre-Ressurrection and it’s confirmed that this guy is Augustine and-

First gen? Second gen? Sixth installation?? Valancy? ANASTASIA?

bruh im so flooded and this is supposed to be such a reverent moment.

Ohhh this is awkward now that they’re pulling Ianthe and Harrow forward. Okay we get a formal introduction to Mercymorn and Augustine. Augustine trails off before the third... and asks if he, the third surviving Lyctor, knows about the missile strikes...Is the third Lyctor the one leading the people who shot down the warships, which is sounding increasingly like a rebellion rather than a battle against others? Who’s the third again ah fuck it’s ORTUS.

ORTUS is apparently interested in “you-know-what”. Which I don’t know what. Please elaborate. 

ORTUS is here and he’s skeletal. OH AND SO IS RESSURECTION BEAST NUMBER SEVEN.

FUCK.

(bruh what the fuck is a pseudo-Beast)

Okay yep time to fight an eldritch god.

Speaking of which, God’s name is John confirmed.

And Harrow bled from the ear and fell unconscious, hearing the name ORTUS.

Chapter 10

Pog we’re almost done with part 1. Fifth skull, sheared, so it’s flashback time. 

I don’t recognize immediately where we are; apparently this is in the library in Canaan House? Though I don’t remember one from Gideon the Ninth. We see a bit of personality from Ortus, when he complains about Fifth House poetry, which is nice. 

Oh, wait, never mind, that was Magnus speaking. Ortus remains as boring as ever.

Hehehehe dick jokes.

Hey so no fake vow of silence in the false memories of Canaan House! That’s interesting. As is Magnus and Abagail being here, and them being pretty fleshed out characters. As are these cooking instructions from the Lyctors...

HOOOOOOOLD the phone here. The cooking notes mention an M and Nigella... which was the first name of Cassiopeia’s cavalier... How would Harrow know that? The easy explanation is that this is a note that Harrow actually found, and is placing here in her fake memories... The other explanation is that something funky is afoot...

Ooohkay Magnus is asking if this is how it happens now. The simulation is breaking down. AND ABAGAIL CAN TELL THAT HARROW IS A LIVING WAR CRIME. PANIC.

Okay now we’re getting Ortus emotion! He is a grown ass man Harrow. At least, he would be, were he not a figment of Harrow’s imagination.

HEEEEY

WHAT THE FUUUUCK

WE’RE CONTINUING ON THIS DYING EGGS THING

PROBABLY WILL BE RELEVANT LATER.

Okay and the simulation breaks down further when Ortus says “you did have a cavalier with a backbone, I’m not them.” Interestingly enough, it’s hours later Harrow realizes something’s weird... Huh...

Chapter 11

Seventh House skull.

Literally just a paragraph saying Harrow sleepwalked and stabbed Cyntherea’s body.

...She sleep walked... the Sleeper from the fake Canaan House...

#harrow the ninth #harrow the ninth liveread #harrow the ninth spoilers #the locked tomb

[lampd-intheface]

vampire LAMP au

okay but like imagine a vampire au with polysanders except virgil is the only human???

roman got bitten by a vampire in italy just for kicks and then he was left to his own devices. he had to suffer through the shift alone with nobody to help him

for a little while, he was ravenous and accidentally killed a lot of people. in the end, tho, he snapped out of it and taught himself how to control his hunger

roman lived through the italian renaissance and moved between italy and spain (which is why he can speak really good spanish/italian) and even settled down a little in england for some time too

when roman settled down in england, he met patton who'd been a vampire for a while now

patton became a vampire becos he was hit with the plague and his mother was desperate to find a cure. this vampire they met ended up helping and then taking patton under his wing

roman and patton eventually find themselves in america (which was still a pretty new country at the time)

logan lived during the industrial era where everyone was just inventing things left and right and it was booming in terms of science and machinery

he was turned becos a vampire thought his genius was too valuable and death shouldn't put a stop to logan who had a lot of potential

the three then settled down in america

roman made some money writing fantasy books under pseudonyms. logan made money through patents or really any kind of intellectual work he could find. patton spent his time at home, just helping out and taking care of roman and logan

they had to move often, of course, becos people would be suspicious if they just stayed in the same place for too long. they couldn't get attached to people either becos getting attached to people meant people who would keep track of them

after all of their years being alive, patton and logan and roman have amassed enough money that they're just chilling and living comfortably

now, it's the modren era and, in this au, all of them either have online classes and/or night classes

virgil takes night classes and online classes because it limits his social interaction with other people and he's much more comfortable interacting with smaller groups of classmates (night classes)/not physically interacting with classmates at all (online classes)

the others because well duh they're vampires

it's not becos they dont like sunlight (they can be exposed to a little but too much gives them rashes). it's just that it's easier to keep a low profile if they interact with less people

logan is really the only one seriously taking classes and not for any other reason than because he loves learning. patton and roman will take classes here and there but only for their hobbies

insert virgil. i haven't thought this one through but logan probably meets him first because they share a class together.

anyway, LAMP have a meet cute or whatever

maybe like virgil is in an art history class and the prof says something wrong abt a certain part of history

logan is about to correct the prof but virgil beats him to it and logan is impressed with how accurate virgil was with his facts because logan lived that era and not a lot of people are so knowledgeable about it

that aside, their friendship takes time

logan has to introduce patton and roman separately and then the three of them have to keep attempting to get closer to virgil slowly and at virgil's pace

eventually, for their own reasons, they fall in love with virgil

logan falls in love with how much he relates to virgil. virgil is so smart and the two of them can talk and have debates and virgil just understands him so well

roman falls in love with how snarky virgil is becos he'll tease virgil and he knows virgil will serve it right back to him. virgil challenges him and its exhilarating and exciting

patton falls in love with how soft virgil is and how much he wants to protect virgil from all the bad things in the world. he loves how virgil has been through so much and yet virgil is still so strong

virgil is unaware of how smitten the three of them are tho and he falls in love with them too. he kind of just... plans to be with whoever asks him out first (if any of them ask him out at all)

because virgil struggles with his anxiety a lot, he can't really work at normal places. there's too many interactions, too many people.

he had thought that he'd eventually get used to it and then he'd be able go get a job but it's taking him a lot of time to get over his anxiety

precious time he can't really afford since he's putting himself through college

which is where his vamp boyfriends friends come in because hello, if they can't pay for their cute human crush's essential college classes, then what's the point of having all that money?

in any case, they find out abt virgil's financial problems and they're like omg... we're the solutions to his problem!!!

roman: i can finally actually slay what ails virgil!!!

logan: you won't be slaying anything--

roman: LET ME HAVE THIS ONE THING

before they establish that sort of relationship though, logan and roman and patton all agree that they want virgil to know the real them first so that virgil can decide whether or not he wants to be associated with them

the last thing they want to do is make virgil feel like he's obligated to stay with them even tho he fears them becos they're paying for his college and housing him and stuff

so, they plan get to know virgil more and then tell virgil they're kind of sort of creatures of the night

definitely easier said than done

when they tell virgil, he's like *phone error sound* ??? before realizing oh my God, they're serious

he then laughs about it a little and the other three are confused but he clarifies that the situation was very ironic

becos like omg, how hilarious is that??? the one goth guy who's super pale and avoids social contact and is practically the stereotypical vampire is actually the only one that's NOT a vampire??? that's irony at its finest

virgil then also assures them that the three of them being vampires doesn't bother him one bit

virgil, the epitome of tumblr humor: bold of you to assume i wouldn't f**k a supernatural being

jokes aside, he does reveal to them that he couldn't care less about what species they were, just that they loved him and he loved them

and damn did virgil love those three idiots

roman: woah there, you might pull a muscle from all the i love you's you're spouting

virgil, sweating up a storm after showing the most emotional vulnerability in his life: sh*t u rite

jokes aside, they do form a sort of weird relationship where the three of them happily provide for virgil because virgil doesnt have the means to do so

it takes virgil a while to really get used to it since he's not used to accepting things from other people without giving back

he struggles for a little while becos he keeps trying to find ways to repay them for what they do for him but there's only so much he can do

eventually they have a conversation abt it and they're like babe honey sweetie no

patton: you give us your love and that's the absolute most important and priceless thing in the world!!!

virgil, known pessimist who cringes away from romantic gestures out of habit: sounds fake but ok

but like eventually they work it out in like a slowly but surely kind of way.

virgil learns to see money the same way the other three do (replaceable and pretty much worthless to vampires who have a large abundance of it) and the other three learn to kind of tone it down on the expensive gifts

virgil: im so glad you guys dont buy me really expensive things now

roman, sweating profusely as he hides the golden apple he had commissioned to be made especially for virgil: oH YEAH OFC HAHAHA

(logan, when roman had suggested getting virgil the golden apple: first of all, no??? in what way is that even romantic--)

omg imagine if virgil does the thing where he coops himself up in his room??? and then someone tries to get him to get out by pulling the blinds open to let in light??? and virgil hisses???

patton, having just let sunlight in, looking absolutely offended: OKAY FIRST OF ALL, you're not a vampire so don't take that tone of hiss with me--

someone is like teasing or bullying virgil abt his aesthetic and virgil is obviously getting uncomfortable, esp when they call him twilight (in reference to the vampire romance novel)

so one of the boys, probably roman, steps up and he's like 'the person you should call twilight is me' and he scares the bullies by flashing his eyes red and showing them his fangs

omg!!! roman doesn't have a reflection so virgil helps him put on make up or smth!!!

maybe virgil in this au is an artist so he paints a picture of all three of them so they know what they look like becos they dont show up on pictures and reflections

patton, gazing down at the picture: this is what true love feels like

logan, also feeling the same way: really? how unpleasant

logan:

logan: give me more

omg also logan having only really kept up with the intellectual side of history so he doesn't know abt memes and like stuff like that so virgil teaches him and he has his Flashcards™

iDK MAN JUST VAMPIRE BOYS BEING SOFT FOR EACH OTHER AND FOR THIS SMALL LITTLE HUMAN THEYVE PULLED UNDER THEIR (bat) WINGS

#sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #analogical #prinxiety #moxiety #poly am sanders #polyamsanders #polyam sanders #lamp #alternate universe #lampire au #mine

[jawnjendes]

bonus: why is their luck in a deeply sad moment? | shawn mendes

some type of au idk man, shawn x goth ex gf

WARNING: there is talk of death and suicide in this chapter. read at your own risk.

AN: i cant squeeze this into the next big fic nor can i fit it into shawn meets bc everyone hated it so its a bonus in the gg story lmao also im starying the Next Big Fic in a few days :)

masterlist | annalise’s playlist

2026.

"Sometimes I think about the what ifs,"  Ann said, “but I like where I am. I like what I’ve made for myself.”

Shawn had to invite her over to his house a second time, because the first time left him with many questions unanswered. He couldn’t be mad at what she said, though. He was in the same boat; he liked the life he made. You know, without the crushing loss and run in with the supernatural.

“Well, I’m happy for you,” he told her, and he really meant it. “I’m glad we were able to successfully do our own things straight after breaking up.”

“Nothing like filling the void in your heart with work!” Ann replied with a giggle. She moved a strand of hair behind her ear, and that’s when Shawn noticed something.

He took her hand and noticed a tattoo on the side of her middle finger: The Triforce.

“You got inked?” he asked, impressed.

“Oh, that’s nothing,” she replied, grabbing her sleeve to roll it up.

There was a sword on her inner arm. It was varying in shades of blue, and it also had the Triforce on it. Shawn recognized it as the Master Sword from the Legend of Zelda games.

“All this is is proof that I’m a nerd,” Ann said as she rolled her sleeve back down. “I notice you have some more ink also… and that you still wear shirts half buttoned.” She pointed to his chest.

Her finger poked the exposed skin. It shouldn’t have been as tingly as it was. Shawn smiled and placed his hand over his chest.

“More than just that,” he told her. “But I can’t show you all of them.”

Maybe it was a little risky to say that. Shawn would have taken it back if Ann’s cheeks hadn’t gone a shade of pink.

“I could say the same thing…”

Shawn quickly came to learn just how many tattoos Ann had gotten over the years. A snake and tombstones on her other arm. Feather on her collarbone, roses on her shoulder. A quote reading, “...but I’m not anymore” with stars around it on her ribcage. Something on her wrist that Shawn didn’t catch because he was busy pressing his lips to her hips and taking off her pants, where he found another tattoo. “Lucky you.” He certainly felt it.

Everything about their time together was so familiar, so easy and almost home-like. Ann’s skin touching his. Her lips perfectly molding over his. The quiet, needy gasps they both released into the bedroom. It was like going back in time, and they were in Shawn’s Toronto apartment instead of his multimillion dollar condo in LA. It was soft and slow, despite Shawn pinning Ann’s arms above her head. He didn’t outgrow that particular move, and she still seemed to like it.

Shawn had never been happier to have been on a break more than now. Most one night stands in the past began and ended very quickly, because he was on tour or in between interviews or on a break for one day. This was one person that he didn’t want to leave behind. They lied down, sweaty and dazed, facing each other. It was silent, but not awkward. Everything had a nice haze around it.

That was also when Shawn finally made out what the tattoo on Ann’s wrist was. He picked his head up in confusion.

“Is… are those torches?” he asked. “Upside down? Just like mine… and are those my initials?”

It was simple line art, less intricate than his own. Torches in an X, with “SM” right below them. Shawn has been floored many times, and this was no exception.

Ann picked her head up as well. “It’s not what it looks like.”

Shawn looked down at his chest, his torches were exactly the same, sans the initials. He wanted to give Ann the benefit of the doubt, that this wasn’t some creepy fangirl thing. Some of his one night stands ended up like that, and it wasn’t exactly easy to forget.

“It’s for a friend of mine,” Ann explained, sitting up and covering her front with the blanket. She took note of the look on Shawn’s face. “Keeping someone’s light on beyond death, remember? I assume yours is for someone too.”

They were both sitting up now, and Shawn relaxed. However, he only relaxed a little bit because now it was time to get deep.

“Mine’s for Brian. He died last year.”

Ann’s face fell. “No. Brian, your best friend? Brian, the one who constantly took the piss outta me?”

He nodded. “He was… there was an accident. Flight of stairs. Instantly killed.” It was all lies, but no human would understand.

A hand went over his, squeezing. “I’m so sorry. He just, he just fell down some stairs?”

“A lot of stairs. I don’t know I guess he was running or something. There was no way to save him. People in the house heard the crash, but by the time they found him - when I found him - it was too late.” He had told this version many times, enough times to where he could almost believe it himself.

“Fuck, man. That’s… that’s fucking terrible,” Ann said sympathetically. “But I seriously can’t believe you just told me that.”

“Why?”

“Because now I have to tell you that mine is for Stella. Those are her initials.”

Stella Martinez. Now Shawn felt a little stupid… but surprised, and he was met with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He couldn’t believe it for a second, but it fully processed in his head, and his heart began to break.

“Stella from college? Stella, who was your literal opposite and also your best friend?”

Ann solemnly nodded. Then she looked down. “She… she killed herself.”

Shawn was stunned into silence, the tightness in his chest only intensifying. The entire time he knew Stella, she was always so positive and bubbly. She was the opposite of suicidal. That’s why it was such a shock… and so sad. Oh god, who was going to tell Camila?

“When did Brian go to the other side?” Ann asked after a moment.

“A year ago last month,” Shawn replied. “And Stella?”

Ann raised an eyebrow. “Two years ago last month...”

It was a strange coincidence, but still upsetting. Both Shawn and Ann lost their best friends at the same time of the year. The urge to spill everything was thick in the air. Still, neither of them said anything for a while.

Instead, Ann reached down to the floor to pick up her clothes. Shawn’s eyes were stuck on her and that was when he spotted another word on her back. Nightmare. Small font, right shoulder blade, surrounded by a cluster of skulls. Then, he realized what she was doing.

“Are you leaving?”

She looked up, bra in hand. She was quiet as she put it back on.

“No. No, I’m not going anywhere.”

And she crawled back into bed. She made the point to keep a distance from Shawn, who was still naked. He was on his side, looking at the woman before him. Only Ann could have sex with him and bring up the subject of death. That brought a new point to mind.

“How do you enjoy death?” he asked. “I think I’ve asked you this before, but after losing someone and attending their funeral, I’m having a hard time understanding your perspective.”

Ann took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. “I don’t enjoy the act of dying. People die every day in horrible ways. People mourn and fall into depression because of death. That’s not something to enjoy.”

“So what’s your deal with it?”

“I’m just embracing the face that it’s inevitable. I do that for myself. I will die eventually, or tomorrow-”

Shawn made a face; he didn’t like that thought.

“It doesn’t make it any easier when someone I know goes,” Ann continued. “You’d think with all the research I’ve done it would be. The ones we love leave this mortal plane, and all they leave is their absence. And that alone is a lot to process.”

“What’s the hardest part?”

“The what if’s.”

Shawn asked because he really wanted to know more about what happened to Stella. He had to know the things that led up to the tragedy, mostly because he knew Camila would ask for details, even if they were hard to hear.

He figured he should spill his side first.

“The last thing I said to Brian was to get the hell out of my room,” he began. “We were fighting, fighting over something so fucking stupid, and I was so pissed at him. That was our last interaction. He fell down the stairs because he was trying to find me in this big huge mansion…”

Ann sat up a little bit, hand over her chest. “Here?”

“Oh no, not here. I was staying at a friend’s house in London for a work thing. Place was huge, easy to get lost in,” Shawn clarified. “Brian, Andrew, all of them were leaving back to Toronto and I didn’t want to go just yet. Part of it was because I was still pissed. Maybe if I had run into him first before he fell… If I hadn’t kicked him out of my room a few nights prior… If I was less of an asshole…”

“Maybe you would have slipped on the stairs,” Ann told him. “Maybe you guys would have had an even bigger argument later that would have ended your friendship. There’s no way to tell, and sometimes that’s what sucks the most.”

Huh. Most people tell him not to dwell on it. No wonder Ann was a shrink now.

“Losing someone is one of the hardest things we, as humans, have to face,” she said. “It’s not easy in the slightest. Besides, the grieving period takes about three to five years, so you - we - are still in the beginning stages of it. Thinking about the what ifs, what you want to change, what you wish you could say to Brian - all of that is normal.”

The two of them let those words settle for a moment. Shawn’s eyes were a little misty, and redirecting the topic was probably not going to help. But he laid his stuff out on the table.

“What about you?” he asked.

“Me?”

“Your what ifs?”

Ann paused, looking around the room. “What if I had put my Master’s to use and noticed the goddamn signs?”

Shawn watched her, hoping she would at least return the eye contact.

“I’m an expert in this shit,” she said. “I have the years of school, the degrees, and the licenses for detecting things like this. I only figured it out the moment her dad called me.”

“How do you detect when someone is suicidal?”

“In her case, she was elated. When someone makes that decision, they reach a state of euphoria because they know their pain is about to end.”

“But Stella was always-”

“Believe me, I know. I hadn’t talked to her since graduating in Toronto, so I thought she hadn’t changed at all. But I would see on her social media, she just moved back to her parents’ house in Florida, and she hinted that she wasn’t happy about it.”

As if Shawn couldn’t take another blow. Come to think of it, he never heard much about Stella’s home life. He didn’t even think that it could be a negative place for her.

“I was in Jacksonville for work,” Ann continued, “so I hit her up, and we met up for lunch. We talked for about an hour, and she said that I was always a good friend and college wife and that she’ll always love me. And my stone hearted ass just said ‘cool, you don’t suck’ and that was that. A month later, she’s as blue as the pills she took.”

“Ooo…” Shawn sighed, cringing at that mental image. Sweet, warm hearted Stella cold and lifeless. Call it morbid, awful thinking, but Shawn wished Brian looked like that in death instead of the bloody mess he turned out to be.

“Yeah. And her parents had her embalmed and put in an airtight casket, but that’s a whole other rant.” Ann waved it off and lied back down.

Shawn didn’t know what else to do except lie down as well. While sharing the stories of how their friends died, he couldn’t help but feel just a little bit closer to Ann. The first time they met, it took fighting tooth and nail to get her to open up. Now, Shawn felt okay silently reached for her hand, and tenderly holding it in his.

Both of them winded up at the same awards show. Both lost their best friends. Both got the same type of tattoo to honor them. Neither of them anticipated meeting again. This couldn’t be a coincidence.

_______

goth gf taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @someoneunimportantxx @goldenmndes @calyumthomas @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @parkeraul @havethetimeeofyourlifee @chillingbythesea @wronglanemendes @softmendesss @peruvian-bae @theprivatewritings

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn x oc #shawn x goth gf #if yall r pissedt abt brian #it had already been establishedt #i made my bed imma fukin lie in it

[galaxysgal]

Fanfic asks: #1, #7, #13, #22, #24, #29, #35, #47, #48 :))) I love your writing

omg anon tysm 💕💞💖💕❤💗💗💞💕

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in? Well the first fandomy things I read were Harry Potter and then pjo/hoo stuff, but then I didnt really get involved in a fandom until I became obsessed with Dear Evan Hansen and Newsies, and, well, now I'm here!

7. List your NOTPs from each fandom you've been in.

Harry Potter: Harry/Ron

Pjo/hoo/all that: Percy/literally anyone other than Annabeth. They're my babies and I love them. I'm sure there are others but its been so long since I read those lol

Hamilton: literally everything that isnt "canon" bc its history and I'm a history nerd, so I just can't ship that stuff

Dear Evan Hansen: I'm not super opposed to it, but I just dont really ship Alana with anyone, I hc that she's on the ace/aro spectrum

Newsies: I dont hate them, but I'm not a fan of Jack/Spot, Race/Jack and Race/Kath... Tbh I'm pretty plain and boring for newsies, I stick mostly with the more common pairings, with a few rarepairs (unrelated but hhhh do y'all remember when ralbert was a rarepair ahbsnaj my baby boys theyve grown so much

Supernatural: Sam/Dean. Its literally incest y'all are fucking insane. No apologies. Also Cas/Meg bc Twist and Shout traumatized me.

Marvel: STONY!!! Idk why y'all, i just do. not. ship it. But I can see where people are coming from so I guess its not exactly a NOTP... Anyway others are thor/loki, thor/valkyrie tony/rhodey, thats about it

Star wars: r*ylo. luke×leia. kylo×anyone. I'm pretty sure anything else is fair game tbh, its space and everyone is queer, let them have their fun

Psych: Shawn/Gus, Shawn/Lassiter, Lassiter/Juliet. Yes, I hc Shawn as bi, but that doesnt mean I ship him w/ any of the guys in the show... Shawn and Juliet are soulmates. Period.

13. Any NoTPs? Anon, sweet baby ily, you either picked random numbers or accidentally said both of these... Either way its the thought that counts babe <3

22. Is there anything you regret writing? Ugh yes I had this Stucky fic where Steve was a tiny asthmatic dude just living his life and Bucky was the strong one armed contractor that was fixing his deck and there was super weird sexual tension and it was badly written. I have since deleted it from ao3, my fic doc, and my memory. It lives on within the depths of the mind of my bestie/beta reader/editor/confidant/number one supporter @thelazyhero-ttums who read it and was the one who made me realize how terrible it was. It was a rude awakening but im glad I had it bc it made me the writer I am today lmao

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit? Hshsjajs RIGHT AND RECONCILIATION!!! Right and Reconciliation are the first two newsies fics I ever wrote. The plot is solid and could be great if I just rewrote it... My aforementioned bestie is the leader (and sole member) of the Rewrite Right and Reconciliation crusade but tbh I don't think ill ever rewrite them unless theres a college assignment thats like Rewrite Something You Wrote In Middle School Even Though You Hate It

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not? I don't have an official beta reader, but between running things by @natthemess, my bestie from before, my friend missa, usually about 80% of every fic I post has been read before I post it bc I thrive on,the validation of my friends

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about? Okay so by technical definition a drabble is 100 words or less, but I consider everything under like 750 to be a drabble, so by those rules yes I write drabbles. I actually have a series of Assorted Newsies Drabbles on my ao3, and I mostly write them about fluffy stuff, a lot of soft cuddly morning fics, little projections of things I'm feeling if ive had a particularly bad day/strong emotion stuff like that

47. Archive, fanfic.net or Tumblr: which do you prefer to post and why? Archive and Tumblr. Archive bc its the Superior Fanfic Site, and tumblr bc I feel like it boosts my platform. Also yes, I shamelessly linked my ao3 up there in the question, check it out if you like :P

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why? Yes. Yes! YES!!! Why, you ask? Because I am an author and I know how it feels to have 600 hits, 100 odd kudos and 12 comments (including your own replies to comments.) It just hurts a lot knowing literally only 1% of people took the time to comment. Literally all it takes is a "I loved this! Great writing!!" Or a "HAHAJSHAJJSHS BABIE,BABIES BABIEST ILY" that shit makes my day.

#ask #answered #anon #mags' fanfic chronicles

[tumblunni]

How to fix those messes

Tooru: can literally just be a trans man who is good and on the hero side. The entire yandere flip flop evil love triangle plot didnt need to exist, it feels like it was only there to "prove" that "she's really a girl" because this author thinks gay people dont exist outside of creepy cannibal fetish pedo men.

Creepy cannibal fetish pedo man: just fuckin kill him. Seriously why on earth was he the one treated the most synpathetically out of all of these characters??

Back to tooru again: also you didnt have to introduce him being trans by showing some old man molesting him and revealing his binder. You could have just had him..yknow..say he was trans. Show the same flashback but its just him confessing to his new friends cos now he trusts them and all. But yknow that wouldnt have been a ~shocking gory twist~ i guess...

Nuts hammer boy: please punch yourself in the face for even considering this idea. The idea of a ~poor cis boy forced to act trans by abusive parents who wanted a girl~ is nonsense fearmongering and i hate how its more common in anime than actual real trans characters. And adding a disgusting note of sexual abuse and fucking GENITAL MUTILATION just takes it up to 11! Its like the author read a cliffnotes summary of how puberty blockers can help delay stuff like the lowering of the voice and etc, and went off on some wild assumption that they literally cause being transgender and also literally ripping off a child's balls is what this thing means. Cos i mean seriously this is traits of being trans played as a horror story? It reminds me of naoto from Persona 4 where a sex change operation is presented as a terrifying death trap you have to rescue "her" from, because yknow despite her showing multiple heavily implied signs of being trans she was really just ~sad about sexism~ and ~pretended to be a man to get more respect~ and her literal worst nightmare as represented in this nightmare dungeon is the idea of being trans. Also the bumfuck stupid idea that if you took puberty blockers/literally had your nuts chopped off, it would not only give you a higher voice and less muscle mass but also CHANGE YOUR PERSONALITY INTO NONBINARY. Gahhhh! Fashion taste isnt a biological trait! The definition of manly and girly changes every decade anyway. God how to even fix this.. I guess just either or..? Like either have a regular nonbinary character or have a horrifying sad story of genital mutilation. One of those does not cause the other. Also seriously please remove the bit about the genital mutilation being motivated by his mom WANTING him to become trans, like what the fuck? And somehow it fuckin worked?? Seriously fuckin presenting trans women/nonbinary people as a creepy fetish of an abusive parent who wanted someone 'submissive', ughhjhh...

Also: like seriously man dont abandon the entire character of Hide five seconds into the plot and struggle to think of anything to do with him for the entire rest of the series. Like man he was pretty well established as an accidental really good love interest, one so good that the idea still kept massive popularity in the fandom over years of Hide not even getting five seconds more screentime. In comparison it took all those years and like five different personality changes for Kaneki and Touko to actually develop the slightest bit of chemistry together. Tho i mean dont look a gift horse in the mouth i guess, i was glad i at least managed to go 'yeah meh they kinda seem in love, im happy with that' by the end of this whole shitshow. Tho its funny how i initially thought that Ajin was a ripoff of Tokyo Ghoul ENTIRELY because Kei and Kai had such a similar relationship to Kaneki and Hide. I.e real good and gripping well established relationship in the first few chapters that could easily have carried the whole damn series, but instead the best friend is dropped as if he has no importance whatsoever and you're left wondering how the fuck someone could have written such realistic chemistry for gay teens entirely by accident. And yknow.. Even just looking at it platonically its still shitty! Like he was the protagonist's Most Important Person for like five seconds and we're expected to believe he suddenly isnt despite not having a reason for the change? Except i guess the author thinks that a normal human's perspective on the supernatural battle nonsense is just not interesting, despite the entire audience seeing these dudes as mega badass for trying to stand up for their monster friend despite not having powers. Sigh! Also weird coincidence that Kai and Hide even look similar lol. Let's split the difference and just crossover ship them with each other! XD

...man i went on a tangeant again

[larksinging]

hm… actually when cloud gets turned, how do you think like, maria would react to having a baby vamp around? since she hangs out with sophie… or if you want you can just do how your characters would react to that plot in general?

its late at night, appropriate for a vampire ask! 

well, it depends. how appetizing is maria to vampires?? is she like a normal human, or would she taste weird and gross (since she’s... basically a SH monster...). because her reaction really depends on how predatory cloud seems around her -- even if he has a decent handle on it. 

because while she’s kind of flippant in the face of danger at this point, she’d still get kind of (grimace emoji) if cloud like. im trying to describe vampire predatory behavoir without seeming creepy for cloud’s sake, okay. in general she’ll probably be weirded out and kind of wary, but not... afraid. she wouldn’t let him drink from her, but she also has a “who cares if he snaps, i’ll just respawn” mentality. 

actually though she might be more eager to have more supernatural people around. now she’ll have like, a little group! and two people is Plenty for her. a little supernatural club. cloud figuring things out might make her feel less bad about the fact she’s still kinda figuring things out. and i think she... likes helping people, she likes that it makes her feel important and wanted. soo there’s potential for it to be decently positive? 

as for my other muses... the most obvious one is laurel, since i imagine she’s gonna be partially involved. whether she wants to or not! thats the price she pays for hanging around dolores. anyway, she will be... less receptive to the idea of this. she’s glad he’s not dead, buut. he is a vampire with little control over his urges, and she is a vampire’s main prey. so. she’s not gonna like that. 

she can tolerate and get along with sophie since she views sophie as... someone who can be bargained with reasonably, so she doesn’t think sophie would eat her. but cloud... well it will depend on how he acts, and if anything happens, but laurel reacts poorly to even perceived threats. 

i was gonna say she’d lash out more, but no, laurel doesn’t do that when she’s really afraid of someone. and it depends on how much she’s aware of his abilities and stuff, but in general she’ll probably just be... super subdued and quiet around him. maybe posture a little bit, but mostly try to avoid his attention. sorry, cloud. actually sorry, dolores, you’ll probably have to mitigate

who else might be interesting... nyssa would be conflicted too. actually if the lazarus pit gets destroyed right before cloud can use it, she’ll feel pretty guilty? she likes cloud enough that she wouldn’t want to see him dead. and the lazarus pit isn’t a good option, in her eyes, but she’d view what happens as... not much of a better one. she’d be wary but might extend the offer for cloud to join her on occasional patrols, since she’s out at night a lot. she knows a thing or two about living in the shadows, though more metaphorically for her

maive might also have feelings, since... SHE’S undead too, in a weird way. and she wouldn’t be as appetizing to him, which means she doesn’t have to worry about him as much. bloodlust is a bit different but i think she’d understand the basic concept of “brought back with dangerous urge that’s hard to control”, and feel pretty sympathetic. maybe they can talk sometime. maive visits and accidentally terrorizes their animals, 

#denny is a cursed place #thanks! #im not super involved in this plot but im v excited for it anyways? #rorykillmore

[elytrafemme]

i’m back.

hi mare! hope you’re doin alright <3

I dont know if youve ever seen buzzfeed unsolved true crime/supernatural so you might not understand this but every time i write one of these i feel like ryan bergara when he’s about to open up the folder to explain the case/location and he says “lets get into it” like thats me im ryan welcome to buzzfeed unsolved lets get into this case

i thought i would start by saying we’re 14 chapters into this fic and even though i always know its going to happen beforehand, every time you update cs i literally feel like one of my favorite published authors just released a new book. it brings me so much joy

I really really enjoyed how you wrote the dissociation stuff with ranboo. I resonate with all of it so much. the back and forth and constantly having to work through things to prove to yourself that whatever you have to do is something that you actually have to do but then forgetting what you’re trying to work through and thinking of something else that’s way too distressing only to loop back around to the first thought you had is so accurate. I’ve been thinking about that part a lot today and just wanted to add that even though that’s just how cs!ranboo is, representation like that means so much to me and makes me feel a bit less crazy when i have days like that :)

holy shit the entire part with the brothers and ranboo was so fucking funny like i was dying oh my god. here are some of my favorite parts:

“Meaning that they locked Techno outside.

He can handle it.”

mare how does it feel to be the funniest person alive?

“I would like a bit of quiet, I will admit,” Niki says.

Wilbur exhales sadly. “Niki hates me. Niki wants me dead.”

“That wouldn’t be a real shocker, I’ll be honest,” Techno points out nonchalantly.

“Fuck you, Technoblade.”

“Thanks, Wilbur.”

“How is your day going today, Tommy?” Tubbo asks.

“Well, you see,” Tommy perks up, a grin starting across his face, “I’ve been thinking about murder recently-”

“Oh, come on!” Ranboo says from the front, making Wilbur and Tubbo laugh.

In both of these parts i can literally hear each of their voices in my head reading this

“Ranboo came from the goo.”

what the hell does this mean?? i’m still not entirely sure but god this bit was so funny, i dont know how you come up with this shit but i imagine the spirit of c!tommy possesses you and just hands you lines for cs!tommy, its incredible.

“Tommy, don’t call Ranboo a pussy,” Wilbur scolds.

“Wilbur, you’re a pussy,” Tommy responds.

Wilbur nods. “I don’t know what I was expecting, honestly.”

Tommy pouts. “Awh, don’t say that all- all disappointed, Wil, now I’m hurt!”

if you told me they had this conversation irl i would believe you. also they’re brothers and i love them

I won’t include the excerpt here it but the mcr bit was so funny i loved it very much

anyway now that ive included way too many quotes, moving on!

I have no idea whats going on with dream or where that whole thing is going to go storywise but i hate him, wish i could step on him and crush him with my shoe like a bug <3

I know i already included so many lines from the actual fic but these two are my actual favorites.

“And he can feel normal. And he can be normal. And he can be loved.

Even if everything he works for and everything he’s become defies that very concept. Even if it’s an effort in the futile.”

hi yes cs!ranboo means so much to me, not because i’m just like him (lie) but because he just does. I am holding him so gently. he deserves the whole entire world.

thats all for this chapter!

you likely don’t need this reminder but i’ll include it anyway, remember to take care of yourself, drink some water, take breaks, and rest when you need to :]

i’m looking forward to the next chapter as always :D

liv the beloved /p hello :D

HELP THAT'S SO FUNNY 😭LIV RYAN BERGARA REAL???? HELPPP

that's the sweetest thing ever what the literal hell that's so nice??? thank you so much i'm so glad that my silly little fanfiction can spark joy :D means everything to me tbh

i keep replying to comments rambling about this so i will restrain myself BUT dissociation is such a fascinating thing to write and i've found it very complicated and delicate, but also cathartic and almost second-nature to write simultaneously. i'm really happy to hear that it resonated with people and that they found it accurate, and am especially glad to hear it made you feel represented! for the reassure that it gives, cs!ranboo struggles dissociation very frequently but he has people (especially after the events of cough syrup) there who want to reassure and try to ground him, and he's not made any less unlovable for his struggles with derealization. <3

TECHNO BEING LOCKED OUTSIDE IS MY FAVORITE THING I'VE EVER WRITTEN HANDS DOWN like it's at LEAST top 5 cough syrup moments. i love it so much. the mental image is unbelivably potent to me.

somehow i can usually hear everyone's voices like in my head as i write their dialogue but i've recently found that sometimes cs!ranboo just doesn't sound like c!ranboo??? i don't know why that is. it's not even really a matter of me writing ooc dialogue i don't think, i feel like if that were the case i would have been told about that and everything but like. no i just forget what he sounds like i guess anyway

don't worry! i don't get the goo either!

they are literally brothers i . them <333333

people enjoying the mcr bit makes all my pain worth it

now i can't promise that cs!dream gets canotically squished by a massive shoe but i do know that i wish that were the case personally

i'll be honest liv i. those lines you quoted. i wrote them, like, as i was editing because i hated the ending lines i used. so i am SO GLAD that you liked them because those were a complete fucking gamble.

he DOES deserve the entire world WHY do i TORMENT HIM!!! god bless he'll be happy some day i just. gotta hurt him a lil yknow gotta rough him up and everything. that's a lie i don't technically have to do that but it is for plot purposes but also i do want to put him in a blanket and kiss his forehead and all that.

ugh you're literally the nicest thank you so much i will do that :D so so happy to hear you liked this one!!!

#nightmare.ask #nightmare.cough-syrup #liv tag <3 #cough syrup spoilers #long post

[spnbaby-67]

Secret Lives Chapter 2

A/n:  Hi ya’ll im hoping to get this out before tropical storm Alberto comes in and we are without power.  but keep in mind this is a filler chapter. the real  stuff starts next but its a bit of background on why Jensen’s on the road, thank you all so much for the love and comments on chapter one, honestly i was a bit scared, but glad this story is going places.  i got a direction on how its going and i apologize its a little late coming out. had a few rough days. remeber this is an alternate supernatural universe, jensen is single so no hate on Danneel, i love her just the same. please dont copy and paste on others sites literally took me six months to get back into writing,   likes, comments, reblogs are ok.. Also I want to say a HUGE THANK YOU!!!! 300 FOLLOWERS!!! I never thought i’d get this much response so thank you, and I’ll try and do something in return soon. Ok enough blabbering let’s get reading. 

Pairing: Jensen and reader, Jared Padalecki, Adam OMC (i pictured Jake Abel) Jeffrey Dean Morgan mentioned, 

Warnings; none other than maybe cussing. 

Filler Chapter

Secret Lives chapter two

Readers pov

You woke up but slightly, trying to adjust your blurry vision. You didn't know how long you have been out, but from what it felt like, possibly a bit more than the normal. You soon found out that you were in the living room lying on your back on the sofa. Your head pounded like a thousand drum solos gone completely wild and out of control. You felt nauseated and like you were flying, but you knew that was impossible it was just a sensation you were experiencing from the hit. The last thing you remember was the front leg of Scarlets hoof hitting you in the back of your head, and her running off to who knows where. Tears escaped your eyes remembering that, she was your best horse and you hoped to god Adam had found her. Maybe that's why he was pacing a few feet away from you, and on the phone.

You tried to move a bit, but ended up letting out a moan from the pain.Adam heard and came over to kneel before you.

“Y/N,  oh thank God your ok. How many fingers am I holding up?”  You tried to giggle but that even hurt, it was funny to you because he was holding both hands up one behind the other.

“If you would use one hand instead of both behind the other, maybe I could tell.”  You tried to get up, but the pain in your head forced you back down.

“I don't think you should move just yet.”He had bent down to your eye level.

You look at him “But I have to get Scarlett back, she's our prize horse Adam.”

“i know this Y/N, but your in no position to move, let alone stand up. I had to move you against everything I was taught about head injuries, but I couldn't just leave you out in the storm either. So there's no telling if you have internal injuries or a concussion, until we know you stay put. “ he gave you strict orders as he stood up, which you gave him a bitch face look but obeyed,  “The rains have stopped, I’m going to go check on the horses. Dr. Montgomery will be here shortly to look at you.”

You squint your eyes at him, ‘What? Why? It was just a hit on the head Adam, no need to have called her out here.”

“Tough, like I said I had to move you.” he paused a moment, “Also you had blood running down the back of your head, so better be safe than sorry. Sue me.” He looked at you, and you knew he cared, even though at times he didn't show it. “I’ll be right back. Stay put!”  He pointed a finger at you.

You rolled your eyes at him, even that hurt to do. Judging by that intense pain, you laid your head back down and closed your eyes. You knew Adam would take care of the horses, just like he always did before. But it didn’t stop you from worrying about Scarlet, and where she went.

Jensen pov

Driving from Vancouver to Atlanta had to be one of the most stupid things he had ever done in his life. Yeah he travelled long distance before, but those were planned and he wasn't by himself. He was with family or friends, being by himself gave him too much time to think. Too much time to hear his head tell him negative things he didn't need to hear. But yet here he was, on the road and somehow he agreed to it. He had to figure out a way as to why Jared had a knack for getting him to do what he was against. But as he would have heard Jared put it, it's either that or he would be on him like a flea stuck to a dog, and just the thought of that sent a quiver down his spine. They had a couple of more days to wrap up after the season finale for summer break, he didn’t want to leave or do anything until he knew they were completely done. They had to tear things down, put things up, and he always enjoyed doing that every year, because  it gave him time to be with behind the scenes crew to tell them thank you personally.  He knew that meant more to them than anything, and he made attempts to do that every year since season five. Plus it showed them he wasn’t completely in it for the money, he was really a down to earth person. Funny thing is, they knew, and that’s why they all loved him to. It's what kept them coming back every year. Besides, it's not like he had a wife to go home to like Jared did. They understood when Jensen went to tell them he wouldn’t be there to help them this year, and thankfully some of the looks on their faces they were glad he was going to have some R and R time. Even they knew he needed it.

Sitting in his trailer debating if he wanted to go home or just stay there for the night. Jensen sat at the table  nursing a much needed beer. Thinking of how much he needed a break and what he could do to get out of this depressed state he was currently in. Hearing a knock, then seeing the door open, he knew who it was.  He knew that the way he left stage, that he’d get a visit and he knew Jared would not give up until he got answers. At times, he’s thankful for Jared’s thoughtfulness, but times like this he just wants to be alone. Nothing against Jared or anyone really, it’s just something he has to deal with.

“Jare, go away dude.“ he closed his eyes a second to show him he really wasn't  interested in what he had to say.

Jared walked in further, stopping directly in front of him. “Hey, I understand… But Jay, I'm not letting you slip through and do something to hurt yourself.”  He said in his best Sam caring voice.

Jensen rolled his eyes, “Damn it Jared, can you please don't. I'm just going thru some really tough times right now and I don't want to talk about it. “ he stood up in a haste, knocking into Jareds chest slightly as he went to get another beer. Automatically getting one for Jared.

“look, I know you don't want to talk about it, but hear me out...okay?” He said in his southern Texas drawl.

Jensen took a deep breath in, he knew that if he was to get any ounce of sleep tonight, he had to listen at least to what he had to say.  

Jensen gestured his right arm to him as if to say, “the floor is all yours.” then sat down on the sofa waiting for Jared to talk.

Jared paced a bit, trying to find the right words to say. “I don't know what is going on with you since you won't talk, so I called Jeff.”  He paused to keep Jensen sitting down. “before you get all pissed at me for calling him, I did it because I care dude. I hate seeing you like this, man.  It's killing me that your not talking to me about it and it scares me. Jeff wants you to come down, to his place in Georgia while he's filming. Spend a few days, with him and his daughter Kamryn. It'll be good for you and I already got clearance from Bob for you to go.”

Jensen stood up and looked at him, “Seriously? Your butting into something that is not really necessary, I don’t have time to travel to Georgia. In case you have forgotten, we have a show to film.”

“It’s Memorial Day weekend, you knew we were taking off tomorrow for Texas. So, it’s either me and your family on your back all weekend, or Jeff. Take your pick.” Jared stood there waiting for an answer.

He furrowed his eyebrows at him, “Sometimes Jare, you can be a real pain in the ass.”

He chuckled, “You’ll thank me later, now get packed I have a rental on the way here so you can drive comfortably.”

He looked at him, “What? Oh hell no, i'm not driving three days to get to Georgia not when I can fly.”

“Nope, part of the deal is you drive. Clear your head, you can fly home.”

Jensen closed his eyes a moment, “i hate you.” he really didn’t and Jared knew that.

“You’ll love me after this, now get packed.” He smiled at him as he helped push him towards the back of the trailer where he knew he had at least week’s worth of clothes in there.

That’s how he now ended up on this long highway, driving to a place he’s never been to. He ran his right hand over his face to wash the aggravation away, and wondered just what Jeff had in store for him. Jared was right about one thing, he knew that Jeff would get him out of whatever funk he was in, because Jeff knew what buttons to push.

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[roseinrapture]

I never really thought of your art as messy! I normally look at it and thought like.. rushed thoughts more. Like you can tell you put ALOT of thought into your colors, composition and angles (which are so amazing) but on some you draw really fast! I can practically feel your pen moving on the canvas when I look at your stuff, its so amazing. You portray movement without outright making like, a gif of it and its so cool to look at. I really love your work, I hope that made sense! ;u;

😢😢😢😢😂😂😂😂😂😃😃😀😀😀😀😀 Thank you!!!! Im glad like ppl actually get what im doing with my art and arent just seeing it as messy. And your compliment makes total sense to me :DHopefully i will one day work up to fight scenes which is like the dream in terms of capturing movement its like :D imma just say it : Movement has always fascinated me as a person who does move alot and a amature appreccuator of dance and sports so like i have always wanted to convey like the motion and i did get inti animating which was fun!!But like i what i really love in animation are squash and stretch, and smears to show fast movement cuz like the distorting of the body in movement is very important to me. And i guess im fascinated by it an the emotions you can capture in it.And as like a reault my art is moving very fast to being conceptual art like my recent reigen is like what i want ppl to feel is like a stranger suddenly interested in you and in your space very fast like in sort of a jarring way. And to make him look sort of unsettling (as most ppl would feel that way if someone they didnt know at all butted in their conversation and space) and slightly mysterious as if he also has the air of supernatural around him.Since Reigen is really good at taking what he has and making the most of it to make a a strong impression to aid him in the snagging of a potential client. So like thank you silver for the compliment it really made my morning

#ask and alien #silvervictory

[adoringjensen]

lately whenever i think about supernatural or other stuff i like i dont normally get idk excited like i normally would. like im even thinking about the day i met misha and for some reason i dont get happy. its not bc im ungrateful bc really im glad i got the chance to meet him but idk. and like whenever i think about one of my fave fictional characters (fred weasley for example) i dont get happy and the urge to enthuse abt him like i normally would. why is this happening to me?

Hey there, anon :)

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this right now. It’s a very frustrating thing, and I can completely empathize with you on this. This is actually a very common symptom of depression. Losing interest in hobbies, things that used to make you happy don’t seem to mean anything to you anymore, and a general lack of interest or caring in,,, well, anything. It’s confusing to try and understand it at first, but that’s kinda just how depression is. The symptoms are just there and it’s practically impossible to put the feelings into words. It’s like you’re just kind of existing and nothing around you offers the same comfort or stimulation it used to. Sometimes those happier feelings come back. And honestly? Sometimes they don’t. And it’s okay to mourn something that was a big part of your life that isn’t anymore, because it feels different now. 

I will share something with you, anon. Because this is a difficult and confusing thing to go through, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in this. I used to be really, really, really into music. I was a clarinetist so serious about my love of music that I was an aspiring performance major. I wanted to turn my passion into my career. Music was practically my sole hobby, all I would do, all I would really have time for, was practice, go to rehearsals, go to lessons, go to auditions, perform, and practice some more. It made me happy to perform on stage, to study under world-class musicians, and to learn difficult pieces of music. It was incredibly stressful, but at my core, it was what I loved and I knew it made me happy. So when it came time to go to college, I was excited to finally be able to focus only on this. Only on what I loved. No more bullshit high school classes I didn’t care about. I would be able to play with other musicians that shared the same love and passion for playing as I did. I was super excited about college, bc I was convinced this was where I’d really thrive.

Unfortunately, that didn’t turn out to be true. I ended my senior year of high school in a very bad place, and while I thought moving to college would be a step forward for me, it actually made everything a million times worse. I won’t get into all the details, but long story short: I don’t practice music like I used to. It no longer gives me the same feelings it did before. I feel a lot of pressure and expectation put on me and it’s just,,, really not the same. And I don’t think it ever will be. Ever since moving back home, I’ve barely picked up an instrument. And it’s been an entire grieving process to accept that I’m not going to be what I always thought I would be. It still makes me really sad to think about sometimes. But I still hold out the hope that someday, I’ll get back into it in a less intense way. I’ll play only for fun here and there when I want to. But right now? I’m actually focused in the direction of graphic design. I’ve managed to find something else that now gives me some sense of purpose. And I really didn’t think I would be able to find that again.

My point is, anon, that while we may lose things that were especially meaningful to us, or drift away from things that used to make us happy or excited, that doesn’t mean we don’t have the ability to find something else like that again. I never ever, in a million years would’ve thought this is the direction I would be going in. I was set firm in the music path. But here I am. And it’s actually very common to go through a lot of changes at this stage in life. Sometimes that’s comforting to hear, sometimes not so much. But know it’s okay. You’re not alone. This experience may be terrifying as all hell, but you know what? This gives you an advantage over everybody else. Maybe you go through a bunch of different hobbies trying to find the one for you that gives you that feeling. And because of that, you’ll have done so much more than anyone else around you. You’ll have more experience to learn what you like and what you don’t. And the most important thing: you’ll learn a lot more about yourself. You’ll get to know yourself a lot better, stay in tune with your emotions and learn what helps you cope, what makes you anxious, what makes you hurt, what makes you smile. 

The best thing you can do right now is to take care of you. And do whatever it is that you need. Always have somebody to talk to. Even if you don’t like opening up, please just have someone around that you know will listen. Somebody you’re comfortable with. Whether that be a therapist, a friend, a parent, whoever. Having someone like that is really fucking important. It helps so much more than you think right now. And if you need to, see a doctor. See a psychiatrist. The right balance of medication can really help to stabilize you and put you in the right direction. Be willing to try different things, because you never know what could be helpful to you at this time in your life. Something that may not have been helpful in the past could actually be helpful now. And if you find out that something isn’t for you? That’s okay. Take a breath and move on to the next thing when you’re ready. Because there are things out there that are helpful. There are things out there that will make you happy again. It’s okay to change. You just have to find out what’s right for you. It can be a long, difficult process to figure out what works for you and what doesn’t. But I’m telling you it’s possible. 

And there’s always ups and downs. I feel what you’re saying anon, I feel it so fucking deep in my chest. When I think of the times I’ve met Jared, Jensen, and Misha,,, it actually tends to give me a lot of anxiety and I have to stop thinking about it before I get myself too worked up. I won’t get those happy feelings or get all excited about it like I’ve heard so many other people do. And that right there just depresses me further. So anon, I’m with ya. 100%. I feel what you’re saying. And it really does feel like “why is this happening to me” bc you literally did nothing? It’s not your fault you’re feeling like this. None of this is your fault. You’re feeling the way you are, and that’s okay. It’s okay not to get happy about things you think you “should” be. I think accepting and knowing that this is a part of something you can’t control will make things smoother for you. Getting frustrated at yourself only ever causes things to spiral.

So anon, I hope I didn’t make you feel any worse or anything lmao. I just want you to know that this is a very real thing and that it is manageable. The more you know about it, the more you know about yourself, the more people you have in your support system, the better things are going to go for you. Again, I need to say how fucking important it is to have someone to talk to. Someone you’re comfortable with and know will listen and make you feel safe. It’s something that has done a hell of a lot for me when I didn’t think it would. So take care of yourself. Celebrate the little things. Turn little tasks into achievements. You took a shower today? Hell yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Look at you go, you did that!! You’re doing amazing! Maybe it sounds silly right now, but we need these little things to keep us going. Just focus on one day at a time. 

It’s a huge thing to recognize this, anon. You’re already a step ahead. If you ever need to talk about anything, to just write it down and get it out there? I’m right here. If you have questions or anything, I’m right here. I’ll be that person for you if you need me to be. Things are going to be okay. Get yourself some ice cream or something, alright? Treat yourself, because you deserve that shit. I’ll be thinking about you :) Lots of love xx

#advice column #tw depression #non spn #anonymous #answered