#nightmare.cough-syrup

[elytrafemme]

cough syrup, chapter xxxii

[ link ]

wc. 16.2k

summary:

"The hurricane continues to spiral. Somewhere, in a ground floor apartment building, seventeen years of sunlight fights to resurface."

-

please check the end notes for updates on where this fic will go. thank you to Holly re-bi-vebur for beta-ing this chapter, and for everything else they've done for me.

after thirteen months, we're finally home.

#nightmare.fics #nightmare.cough-syrup #beeduo fanfiction #cbeeduo fanfiction #ranboo fanfiction #dsmp fanfiction #reblogs majorly appreciated <3

[violexides]

HELLO COOL PERSON!! I can’t seem to find the link for the cough syrup playlist :( can you post a link for it? if not that’s okay :]

HELLO COOLEST PERSON!! so unfortunately there actually isn't an /official/ cough syrup playlist anywhere, due to my spotify having my name attached. I believe that people have made their own playlists (Seb and Liv in particular come to mind?) which if they wanna share here they can feel free 2 drop it :D

if you're curious every title of a chapter correlates to a song that's put in the start of the end notes, so you can kind of envision some of the songs going off of that. i am also down to just list off some of the most relevant ones

but yeah there's no actual official playlist :( maybe i'll see if i can collaborate w/ someone towards the end of the fic and make a youtube version but there are like 300 songs on the playlist so idk how to translate that over entirely LOL

#oh it just occurred to me that this is on my main so i don't know how to CS tag this #uhhh let me just do the normal tags #nightmare.cough-syrup

[kelparty]

a fanart of technoblade from @nightmare-rivulets 's au, cough syrup :]

#also boreas is there<3 #nightmare.cough-syrup #technofanart #sorry mare i didn't do his drip justice and gave him this basic ass outfit

[elytrafemme]

and obviously this is by far the least important part of ANY of this, but i'm going to pretty strongly dissociate myself from anything relating to that smp-- mostly for my own mental health (again, not to center myself here). as for CS, i would like to continue it, though obviously the disclaimers again will be heavy. it is a story i wrote to cope with abuse, and if fanworks like that are called to be stopped then i will obviously rethink things. but i will give it a lot of time to figure out how to meaningfully create something from a piece of media created by unfathomably shitty people, and i'd like to be able to continue writing for the message that CS was set to convey.

again, this is not the focus of the conversation, but i just wanted to say that since i am online for once and i figure i may get an ask or two about it.

#nightmare.personal #nightmare.cough-syrup #as an update for folks since i do typically discuss my own personal life on this blog #i'm currently in the stages of questioning whether or not i have CPTSD #and after a few conversations occurring the last couple of months i've been keenly in touch with the various- #-abusive relationships/situations i've had in my life that i did not ever recognize consciously. #people seem to be handling this situation far better than past occurrences in this general sphere. #but i cannot emphasize enough how fucking difficult it is to speak out about these things. #those in my life were very selective about what abuse they let be shown publicly versus what i could never speak about #and i again am so in awe of shubble's strength in acknowledging something like this given how public of a figure her abuser is. #i hope he rots and i hope she heals. that's about where i'm at as i hope everyone is. #(and also if i post a bit about my mental health in coming days note that that is not an attempt to detract from- #-another victim's story. i want to make it very clear that while there are parallels in stories of abuse- #every abuse victim's story is theirs and is not to be trivialized or collapsed in any broader way.)

[elytrafemme]

HAPPY COUGH SYRUP TUESDAY TO ALL WHO PLAN TO CELEBRATE!

the chapter will probably be out anywhere from 6-8 pm EST. come hell or high water, lightly edited or actually properly edited, i will get this chapter out to you all.

i hope you enjoy it. <3

#nightmare.cough-syrup #first. several midterms and papers to edit and write. #then fuck it we BALL

[elytrafemme]

alright. 7 pm give or take a bit is cough syrup Upload Time. i will then consume Nutrience, edit my paper and force myself out of my dorm to print it, then do (some of) my readings for tomorrow. i can DO THIS .

7 pm est. let the record show even if this uploads on ao3 technically on wedn, oct 11, this WAS uploaded on cough syrup tuesday, oct 10. note also that as holly pointed out to me on a vc a few days ago, the last upload was sept 10, 2022. so it's been 13 months. which is my favorite number for the record

#nightmare.personal #i feel physically bad & anxious & kind of lethargic and yet am still very happy #i will never get over the experience of being in college so far #anyway! #nightmare.cough-syrup

[elytrafemme]

d’you think cs ! ranboo listens to mostly 2000s music. because i do

i am not educated enough in music so i looked up a spotify playlist and after seeing yellow by coldplay, sweater weather by the neighborhood, sk8ter boy by avril lavigne, and (especially) riptide by vance joy i just know deep in my soul that you are correct here

#nightmare.cough-syrup #riptide was like THE middle school hit for people who were to the left of emo and always wanted to learn guitar #not sure if this was a universal experience but it definitely was for me #and i just think they would be really moved by that #i have a hard time thinking of the music tastes of these characters because my own music taste has shifted drastically #this feels right though. bro makes use of his car radio !!!

[elytrafemme]

still on hiatus but life update one of my closest friends in college has read cough syrup. it’s so joever

#nightmare.cough-syrup #nightmare.cs-sightings

[elytrafemme]

you know it's the year 2024 and i no longer have to be as discrete about my CS shit you guys are going to see one of the weird existentialist shit lines i wrote before got too sleepy to function. because like i'm going to wake up and see that and be so fucking perplexed and i need to arecord of where i was at somewhere

#nightmare.cough-syrup #thiswill be fine to reblog

[elytrafemme]

BIG NEWS! cough syrup chapter drop sometime in 2024. i won't tell you which month or week or day but if we get like a solid two chapters out over the course of the entire year that will be really impressive so that's the vision atm

#nightmare.cough-syrup #this sounded funnier in my head idk. Hi guys im sleepy

[elytrafemme]

i love you cough syrup readers i love you cough syrup commenters i love you cough syrup fanartists i love you cough syrup fanwriters i love you cough syrup headcanon creators i love you cough syrup fans who send asks i love you cough syrup fans who lurk/silently enjoy it i love you cough syrup fans who put nice things in the comments i love you cough syrup hyperfixators i love you cough syrup fictives i love you cough syrup supporters who don’t even read the fic but support it anyway i love you i love you I LOVE YOU. 

#repetition tw #nightmare.cough-syrup #i love you guys so fucking much

[elytrafemme]

the amount of people commenting saying that they still read the chapter/got excited by it/plan to keep reading even though they've left the fandom... tears in my fucking eyes. literally the best thing a writer can hear ever

#nightmare.cough-syrup #cause damn i left this fandom too pretty much but im glad we're still on the CS train #it's actually so crazy to see usernames i fucking RECOGNIZE #like tumblr is kind of expected bc i know my beloved followers & my mutuals now so like #surprise returns from ppl i havent spoken to in a long time but like i know y'all #but seeing ao3 usernames and im like I KNOW YOU! i remember your commenting style you always made me smile #that's actually fucking crazy. it's so fucking cool #i really need to finish my work but :')

[elytrafemme]

The entire apartment is submerged in darkness.

//

So he’s not sure why he’s so convinced that Fundy is going to care for him no matter what happens. He’s never fallen for those false lies before– or at the very least, he tries really hard not to– but something about Fundy makes his heart hurt a little because it feels like Fundy is going to stay this time, or at very least, he’s promising to. 

And promises can be broken.

Promises can be broken.

Ranboo might do well to remember that, but he’s not exactly known for his memory, anyway.

//

The door clicks behind him, and Ranboo’s body tenses. He doesn’t move away from where he sits on the counter, head dipped low not to slam against the ceiling, but he holds off on drinking another sip as he waits for the intruder to come in. 

(Focusing too hard on his peripheral vision is causing his eyes to hurt. That might be the entire point of using peripheral vision, though, is to not focus on it. Maybe Ranboo’s eyes just hurt anyway, like how his tongue burns. Maybe it’s pain all the way down.)

What identifies the person isn’t anything physical, but the acute gasp they let out that is oh-so-familiar to Ranboo. Niki isn’t usually the type to act so openly surprised, has spent a lot of xeir life trying to contain that emotion, so Ranboo must look particularly awful for xem to respond in that way. 

//

Ranboo has no sense of self, no understanding of what his world has to be past its obligations. He could never be a story, because there is no narrator, no protagonist, no antagonist. There’s no hero’s journey to follow, just an anti-hero preserved in vitro, destined to surrender until the end of time.

Ranboo understands what Tubbo had meant, now, when the two of them were in the parking lot of that church. 

Except, maybe this is less of a story in which God abandons him. Rather, this is what happens after a person so thoroughly exiles God from their life, with no way to reconcile their differences with the divine. 

Ranboo was stupid to think that he was God, back in the car moments before his near death. God must have been in the bottle that Dream drank before driving, if nothing at all. And God must have gone down his throat and rotted in that prison and now there is nothing anywhere. 

There are a lot of ways Ranboo can express it, but in the end, it’s only ever been one thought.

At what point does the suffering that’s been Ranboo’s entire life finally mean something?

//

Tea burns on his tongue before he can even process that the two of them are standing there, drinking tea, like nothing ever happened.

“I’m sorry.”

--

chapter 32 of cough syrup; ok to rb

#nightmare.cough-syrup #ok to rb

[elytrafemme]

friend just told me to take care throughout this week and i don't know what prompted this but i'm just. sits down. GOD. this is what cs was about!!! that's why i wrote the fucking fic!!! it's because i thought my life was over and then i fell in love with the world and the people in it over and over again!!! and it was the best thing that's ever happened to me!!! and i'm so, so glad that i can even give bits of that joy to other people. i'm going to do one last rb and sleep now but thank you all so much, i hope you guys have a nice night <333

#nightmare.personal #nightmare.cough-syrup #i love being alive so fucking much #there is no possible reality in which i could experience these exact same people in these exact same ways #and i don't want it anyway other than this. even with the pain even with everything #i want to live. and i want these people to live #and i'm really glad that after everything a lot of us still are

[elytrafemme]

was talking this out with holly just now but i think thsi is the actual fucking gameplan. and if this doesn't work i won't beat myself up for it but i think i'm going to be doing this.

i have a midterm due next tuesday BUT. it's an easy enough essay to write so i can grind it out.

i am planning to work on editing CS the next couple of days and then maybe get a few glances over it if i have sections i'm struggling with (i am not making any fucking person look over the entire chapter it's too long). and then it's going up this upcoming tuesday.

i don't know if it's the chapter people want, but the theme is important to me. and i just want to give you guys something after so fucking long. and honestly? i'm kind of excited to work on the next chapter, too.

#nightmare.personal #nightmare.cough-syrup #i have not started anything for the ensuing chapter so #it will be a long wait like i'm not going back to a normal upload schedule #i'm in college i can't do that shit #i can probably ensure i'll write a lot next summer tho bc i think i'm gonna be wildly bored then #but like. in between AA fics and work and socializing in life. CS will happen. <3

[elytrafemme]

The ENERGY of cough syrup. Dark nights lake smell like damp. Summers that feel slow like honey. You’re here with me but I feel alone. I’m alone but not with you. Old memories that are something more than nostalgia. Kill me now AAAAA

-pop anon

!!! yeah!!! "summers that feel slow like honey" <- this is so fucking true actually that's a really good way of describing it. and i think it's cool how you brought up the loneliness because that's a major part of it, is it possible to be lonely with company, is loneliness just being alone?

#nightmare.cough-syrup #i promised many CS one shots ages ago and i'm not certain how many i will write or if i'll #post them on AO3 or just on tumblr HOWEVER #i do think it'd be cool to explore fundy and loneliness at some point in more depth than it'll be seen in the fic itself #bc that's a big thing w/ him