#im having the worst fucking morning

[sga-owns-my-soul]

i love waking up at 4am crying bc i'm having an existential crisis about my life

#don't mind me #just sobbing over realizing that my longest friendship is basically over #realizing that every single one of my interests has been attacked or belittled by my 'best friend' #realizing that she's insulted every one of my other friends #on top of screwing me over in our job for months #i literally don't know how to bring any of this up without ending our friendship #bc i know her #and i know calling her out for this will cause her to blow up #bc she can do no wrong #and me telling her that's she's being shitty will cause so many issues #and she's my fu king cousin. so i'll basically be cutting myself off from. everyone #if i get mad at her #so yeah no it's fine #my chest and throat hurt #im doing So Bad!!! #anywyas fuck being an adult #im having the worst fucking morning #thank fuck i don't work today oh my god #im so fucking tired #ignore this #personal rambles #don't mind me just being negative and sad at 429am on a monday #not stargate

[moeblob]

Me, too, Blade. Me. Too.

(I am taking donations to buy a gigantic $250 stuffed cheeseburger. It's giant. I want it. I will never obtain it. I saw it in a shop window and..... wow. Big.)

#honkai star rail #hsr blade #kafka #you guys this thing was fucking huge but i cant spend 250 on it lmao #also the way to tell i love characters or a game a lot is by if i draw them being stupid #i love blade so much hes so funny and suffering.... #do not actually give me money to buy a giant burger #i walk around and its so big and i am so small #i would have to actually drive my car just to put a giant stuffed burger in it #there is absolutely no way i can even hold this thing on the way home #i have in fact told my sister this very sadly before i found out the price this morning #i was lamenting last night over giant borger in window........ i want it....... #then i saw the price and was like WELP guess not lol #ill post art for a different fandom later hopefully but this was super important to me to draw #specifically with these characters #worst case scenario i fail my own self inflicted october challenge of a different series each day #but hsr gets two days worst case scenario which isnt bad #im so sorry to anyone who wants to look at mr blade in serious situations i am incapable of serious

[baeshijima]

"well, well, well," i say to myself, the phrases 'due 5th january 2024 14:00', 'due 8th january 2024 14:00' and 'due 15th january 2024 14:00' staring back at me, "if it isn't the consequences of my own actions. we finally meet."

#sophie's idle chatter #cue jojo music bc shits abt to go down (its me. im shits.) #i am !! so very fucked !! #but u know what happens when we are fucked? we ball. #throws up i have tonight + tmrw + friday morning to do my portfolio (which is pretty easy its just the references ourgh) #and then the weekend to do a 7 min voice-overed presentation due for monday (the worst one tbh bc of the voice over...) #and then the whole of next week to do a poster for my campaign #aha... ahaha..... ha.... a........ #drowns in a puddle of procrastination why do i do this to myself

[whatthefuckisasweep]

cant sleep … plagued with thoughts.. overstimmed… also starving… time to scroll tumblr till i have to go to class :,((

#my thoughts #i slept like 3 hours but my roommate kept moving and it bothered me where every movement made me irrationally angry #and i keep waking up and having immediate brainrot lfjkfnfjnf so its fun but also not bc im literally SO drained pleasssseee shut up brain #like baby i have a presentation tomorrow at 8:30AM and i have to do a whole reflection paper #go to fucking sleeeeeeep #and the worst part is i FORGOT to eat . before bed . cuz i was too tired and said fuck it ill eat in the morn #which is horrible bc now im like. starving and gross bc i also didnt do anything i kinda just collapsed JFKDNDKDN #but i dont wanna get up. because. um. four am and i dont wannnnaaa eat.i waanaa eat in the morning #so ive just been holding stan bunny close and thinking thoughts while actively trying to sleep JFKDNFKDJD #anyways. Im a functioning human person! #: D ! #GggfrRRRAGGhggh #so annoying bc i usually can sleep on command like its nothing lmfao #but i have too many things on my frickin mind i cant shut it up pensive #anyways THIS IS A LONG TAG THING NSJFJDKFJD UHHHHH runs away #DELETE LATER????

[saminthea]

Is it appendicitis or just fibromyalgia and a stomach bug? Guess we'll see in the morning!

#fuck #nothing like a gradual increase in acute abdomen pain over the course of the week #along with diarrhea and nausea and lack of appetite #tmi #probably #my mom's giving me a ride to the ER in the morning #still have a couple irl friends as mutuals here #not right now because I've yet to throw up and I don’t think I have a fever #probably just not going to sleep so I can be sure I'll be awake when it's time to go #spend the rest of the night by the toilet in case I throw up #she's a nurse so she had me do the test where you put pressure on the pain and then release #at first it didn’t feel any worse #and then #it felt A LOT worse #vent #sorry #I've never had surgery before #and as previously mentioned I have fibro #which is probably going to mean a longer recovery time #did you know fibro can get worse when you have other infections in your body? #I'm currently having the worst flare up I've had in months #and it came out of nowhere #god Im not ready to potentially need surgery #I'm hosting a gala in 2 weeks! #a gala that has been in the works for months! #there might be as many as 40 people there #at least I have MaineCare #so I don’t have to worry about my insurance deciding not to cover it #very deliberatly posting this here and not Facebook #just so I don’t needlessly worry friends and family

[orcelito]

As for my post this morning. If anyone was worried. Me personally I'm okay (I guess) but my dad's in the hospital and things r still very up in the air. So.

#speculation nation #bracing myself for the possibility of Major Grief.....2!!!! #well actualy more like 3 or 4 or 5 (lol lol lol) #but likely the worst one bc it's. my dad. that's my dad. #i left work early to visit him at the hospital. hes stable rn at least (he wasnt this morning) #he wasnt conscious though. and i really really hope he ends up okay #but. i still saw my dad unconscious in a hospital bed hooked up to like a million tubes and #thats my dad. Thats my Dad. #im really trying to not do my processing until after i know for sure how things are gonna go #dont wanna start grieving until after he's officially gone #so im trying not to think about it. but it's still... yeah. unpleasant. #and theres a part of me thats so so resentful. if i have to have a dead parent why would it be the Good one? #take my fucking mom instead. hell my life would even be BETTER without her. horrible as that is to say. #but it's my dad. he's not perfect. he has his flaws. but he's still tried in a way she never ever did. #seeing him like that makes me feel so... small. makes me remember being picked up by him. #makes me remember riding on the back of his harley as a tiny little 10 year old with a helmet that was giant on me #we'll hope for the best. we'll hope for a recovery. even if not a full recovery. i just want to have my dad. #sorry. this is probably too real for my tumblr dot com. it's just been... a lot today. #negative/ #death/ #hospitals ment/ #idfk. sorry

[soldier-poet-king]

I wANTED to go outside and enjoy y'know. The best season of the year before winter comes to drag my soul back down to hell again, but the country is on FIRE, my phone won't stop sending me bzzt bzzt severe air quality warnings, and it smells like campfire but EVIL outside

#i also have a headache but jury's out if that's related or im just lowkey dehydrated #franposting #environment canada is like. prepare for the worst wildfire season ever :)))) #im in the greatlakes lowkands toronto area #we dont GET wildfire season #but apparently quebec is so bad its drifted all the way here #the sky was ORANGE last night. truly zelda blood moon vibes at sunset it eas terrible #rose said this morning its on her side of the border/great lakes too #Quebec. bc. nova scotia. alberta. WHO'S NEXT #yall what the FUCK. we never have wildfires in the area nor this early #ITS STILL TECHNICALLY SPRING

[harryswinks]

whats this about klopp and salah arguing then

#been out all morning looking at beds #when i came home from uni i wanted a new bed and i wanted a double bed #but i didnt have the money so my mum was like well i'll buy you a new matress #and she bought the worst mattress in the world i just came home one day and it was there i never got to test it!!! #anyway i decided i want a double bed and i can get it before we move it makes no difference really #and i found a really nice one in a really nice colour so i think i will go back in the week and order it #and the estate agent called and said the people buying our house are sooooo excited #im glad someone loves the house because we all fucking hate it hahahaha #stacey speaks

[scattered-winter]

.

#the worst part about all this is that i Literally saw her 2 weeks ago. we didnt have time to talk we just said hi and went our separate ways #i never even got to say goodbye to her. #and i didnt even know i needed to because this was all so fucking sudden. she was my age. healthy. etc #life is really fucking fragile huh. like it can be gone just like that. #im sorry im just. #i was super close with her mom too and i want to idk. text her or something. but what the fuck can i even say?? #and my other friends in that friend group are all unavailable rn for one reason or another #like. no contact in another country kind of unavailable #so im just. do they even know. has anyone told them. or will they find out when they come back. #i still cant even wrap my head around it tbh. its just. she was alive this morning. she was alive. this morning. #hh. anyway. #i called my sister and cried to her a little bit which was nice. but fuck i really really wish i could hug her right now #or cuddle my dog. literally anything. #im going to be such a fucking mess tomorrow oh my god #i dont even want to go to sleep tonight because if i see her in my dreams im going to fucking lose it #i dont know. i dont fucking know. #winter speaks #personal #tw death #grief tag #<- i fucking guess. i might be venting more in the next few weeks so ill at least make it easy to blacklist

[nomaishuttle]

ohhh fml i was like maybe i cn stya up a bit late after all its weekend tomorrow. no it fucking isnt today was thursday i have work tmrw everything is evil always

#gonna get ready 4 bed ig.. i wanna try n wake up at ermm 545 bc ive been sleeping in far too much and ive barely been brushing my teeth in #the mornings ive mostly just been doing mouthwash #aughhh idk why my body is being so dire today my thighs r doing the incredibly weak and fatigued thing again. i feel like that tweet thats #like im probably nonbinary but i have a job so idc abt that rn but its i probably have some undiagnosed physical disorders but i live in a #garage so idc abt that rn #idk. its been going on for a couple years but its been getting worse to the point i can barely move my legs when it happens #that and then my limbs have been falling asleep very quickly even when theres nothing thyat would like. im not laying on them or anything #ill just be walking or something arms at my sides and one or both will get rly bad pins and needles #and it rly sucks and is weird. but again i live in a fucking garage so it is fr the least of my worries #like rn at my computer typing my arm isnt resting on anything or having any pressure put on it and my hand is falling asleep. UGH #it has been happening a ton with my hands i get this weirxd sensation in my wrist/palm zone that like. idk #its weird and i should prolly get it checked out but i dont have a dr rn and like. worst case scenario i chop my arms off and either surviv #and have a good story or i die and dont have to go to work anymore. so

[silvershoe]

just had the worst shift of my life made me wanna d*e

#it was dead asf and then we got slammed for like 3 hours #and i was the only busser scheduled for some reason?? #AND this girl who bullied me in elementary school 😇came in with her psychotic mom #i said nothing to them but it put me in the worst fucking mood #and i had to actually pay for my food because its a failing business and our cap is $10 #which gets you like 2 pieces of fucking bacon on our menu #and my vape is dead #and i looked like shit bc i rushed this morning #i didnt even have to rush because we werent slammed until 10 and i got to work at 7:45 #anyway im gonna go home smoke and pass out for the rest of the day

[lunar-fey]

actually fuck this job forever 👍

#i got so fucking stressed yesterday that i caused a fucking flare up and now i cant stop throwing up #i called off and . idk. i have to go in to the office today to get paperwork. #im gonna very firmly talk to them about changing my schedule #i hate to do that after literally only one day #but i have several excuses prepared #and hopefully i can just get my scedule changed. #i think . worst case. well worse case they just go damn you suck . leave. and then im just Fucked again for money #cause i never even got enough to pay my shit this monthso i had to borrow some money from my parents #but maybe i can just. drop my first shift. which will leave me with only 10 hours a week #but if they really only have morning shifts erm. this may not work out #i havent gotten morning sickness in a long time but its a known symptom of one of my chronic illnesses #plus the stress obviously bc my first client is very disabled and needs more accomodation than i can provide bc im also disabled #idk guys. its only been one day but this For Real isnt working out how it is rn. #i was reading back over my employee handbook tho and it says employees can quit any time #in the first 60 days wirhout penalty so im hoping that means i can also change shifts without penalty...

[xiincun]

;; once again i am going to have to plug my k.o.f.i as i had a woman drive into me on my way home yesterday and we think my car is going to be written off as it's old and decrepit and not worth enough for them to justify fixing it. i have com.misions open on there for simple head shots and such - but honestly even just signal boosting this post would mean the world to me. i'm working as much as i physically can but i just can't seem to make ends meet and can't face the idea of having to sell my horse that i've worked tirelessly for over the past five years because i just can't seem to get enough money behind me no matter what i do....

any help towards funds or even just spreading this around is incredibly gratefully recieved - as is any advice on where to go/what to do - i'm just in such a bad place right now i don't know what i'm meant to do

#; ooc ; #personal // #i honestly don't know what im meant to do #im so stressed #i can barely afford my meds at the moment - let alone this because some woman merged lanes without looking or indicating #it's just so incredibly hard to want to get up in the mornings at the moment #this is the worst place i've been both mentally and financially in years and i just feel so... so useless and hopeless right now #im sorry i even have to ask for help - everyone is struggling #most people are in worse positions than i am right now i just... don't know what the fuck i'm meant to do anymore

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

oh my god everything makes sense now

#ive had so much troubke sleeping for the last like. 3 weeks. like i havent been getting more than 4 hrs of sleep most nights #and its SUCKED so bad and ive had the worst dreams ever like #its either mind empty blank 0 dreams whatsoever (<< which ive learned also sucks! feels bad and empty in the morning) #or like..trauma nightmares. like im back in high school type nightmares. and a few work stress dreams sprinked in for flavor #lkke this has been. An Issue. #I JUST FIGURED OUT WHY. AND I FEEL SO STUPID #ITS BECAUSE I DONT HAVE LOKI LIVING WITH ME ANYMORE. #im at my parents house for the weekend and . got here at like 8pm last night. #laid on the couch. loki jumped up on thr couch with me to cuddle #and ive always said hes so good at this bc hes warm and he lays on top of me so hes like a weighted blanket #and i cant move my arms to look at my phone or anything so its SO easy to fall asleep w loki cuddles #AT 9PM I FELL ASLEEP. i havent gone to sleep before midnight in like 2 months. #and when i had 2 get up to move to the guest bed he followed me. #and i just woke up from a nightmare and he was on the other side of the bed so i reached my hand out 2 pet him #and he laid his little chin on my hand and oh my god everything makes so much sense now. #ive always kind of half joked abt loki being an esa. because im like. he is. but not officially #hes never been trained for it and we dont have like. documentation for it bc ive never been officially diagnosed for anything (hell world) #so i feel bad calling him that bc it feels like im. disrespecting people that Actually Need esas #(<< coming from.a guy who Actually Needs An ESA Apparently.) what the fuck #head in hands. everything makes so much sense now #and normally id go all science brain on this like oh it was just one night iwas probably just too tired i need more evidence to be sure #but like. i have loterally not slept this well in a month and a half. #I have not gonento sleep before midnight in AT.LEAST the last two weeks. CONSISTENTLY . #head in habds.

[missygoesmeow]

i adore sharing media i love with friends and having them go insane over it :) is this how jesus felt when he spread the word of god?

#god. the original blorbo. #also i just made the worst coffee this morning and i am depressed #i ran outta my special milk and had to use my housemates and it is Not Good #fuck me dead #also i randomly booked myself an optometrist appointment at midnight last night #well a contact lense consult #as i need a refresh prescription for them #and i wanna use contacts for the festival so i can wear cheap sunglasses and not lose my prescription ones #anyway #hello to u if u read this :) #im going to make myself tea #u have a lovely day silly person reading my silly tags :) #cock :) #hehe #missy meows

[orcelito]

I'm doing soooo amazing (weeping) like so great and cool (crying) feeling amazing (sleep deprived)

I finally got a load of dishes done though. This, at least, is worth celebrating.

#speculation nation #ive been putting dishes off for weeeeeks #it's better off without a before pic bc y'all dont wanna see what was in my sink before 😐 #i will have clean bowls. and silverware. 🥺 #i ate cold chef boyardee straight from the can this morning #bc i had no clean bowls and nothing i could possibly use instead. all tupperware used. all microwavable mugs and cups that would fit it #all plates with enough of a lip to hold canned pasta. all plates in general tbh aside from a few tiny plates. #so i ate it straight from the can and u cant microwave a can so i just ate it cold. #not my most dignified moment to be sure. but also not the lowest ive ever gone lmao #Still Pretty Low Tho #but yeah ill have clean dishes. and ill do a 2nd load tomorrow. #im gonna clean up the clutter from my floors. and try to confront the Clothes Problem.... #i dont want to try mopping until after the showing if it happens bc im not gonna have random ppl dirtying my clean floors. #bc they WILL just wear their damn shoes inside bc this is america and no one has any fucking manners here. #but whatever. im gonna get my apartment approximately presentable. at least enough so im not mortified by it. #just bc im mental illness squatting here doesnt mean i want ppl to SEE it #thank god i got the worst things done yesterday tho. and today with the dishes. #remaining stuff is mostly just tidying. rather than going through The Horrors lol #sigh. im accomplishing things. unfortunately... #gonna go to bed soon. gotta be up nice and early for more cleaning! :D 😭