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jungxk · 3 years

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// rant

i'm jus so heartbroken rn i've been crying for the past hour i jus need to put my feelings out there, i hope it's ok w you.

my mum wakes up today and jus starts berating me bc i didnt put washed dishes into the cabinets & the kitchen looked messy for her. i'm supposed to do it bc there's nothing else i actually do but yesterday i had woken up in the evening nd they called me to pray straight away so i totally forgot about it (coupled w the fact that i dont like doing it either cuz there's always sm dishes nd it's such a hassle). she jus started scolding me senseless nd im someone who doesnt get mad easily, even if i do i tend to stay quiet bc i dont like conflict & angry emotions are ugly. but i couldnt stop it today? she kept calling me selfish nd she's been calling me that the past few days as well bc i never help out w chores or anything. she's always asking me "what do u do for this family" or "what do u do in this house" every single time nd ofc i cant say shit bc i dont. i'm doing uni online nd it's really not that easy but bc i dont talk to my family like at all, they think i'm all good. the other day i pissed them off nd my parents straight up said "why do we need to pay for ur uni ure not doing anything anyway" & i jus... i didnt even know if i even deserve to feel sad over it. they were asking me what i wanna do after uni as if im not just in my first year & when i said im not sure they got so mad and my mum purposely said "just marry her off" to push my buttons into giving them an answer. they keep saying i'm pushing them into being the worst and saying the worst to me but how is that fair? they're parents? adults? i'm jus 20 & i can control my emotions? but today really jus pushed me she got so mad at me for the littlest things nd i jus exploded. I asked her why she's mad and she's like cuz of the kitchen bla bla bla nd it got so frustrating i told her it's not my problem nd i jus wont ever eat again since all the unwashed dishes piling is my fault. nd then she got mad at me for that and scolded me. I hate being touched but mostly i hate being hit. imagine getting hit at 20 years old bc my mother is too emotionally unstable that she cant take a few seconds by herself to calm her anger down. I hate it. nd bc i said it's not my problem she came nd told me "yea it won't be ur problem when i die too! i'll make sure when i do, u never come see me." jus... what kind of parent says that? i'm so careful w what i say & i slip sometimes bc i'm human but how can a mother say that? she doesnt know anything about me. she doesn't know i dont like being hit, she doesnt know i dont like it when ppl act impulsively on emotions. sometimes i feel like i really am the problem nd that i'm really selfish. spending shit ton of money to get me to study, maybe i am selfish. i dont mind it. i know myself well enough to hate things about myself. but to have parents who barely know me as a person rather than a daughter, getting this much mad at me for smthn so simple jus makes me so sad. bc i was doing the task when she asked. she does things like this then wonders why i cant ever talk to her. entire family thinks i'm immature bc i behave exactly how they treat me. 20 years. I never ask for much. but it's starting to feel like asking to study in the uk was my greatest downfall. it feels like i dont deserve this. every day i'm itching to get away, to live alone bc they've made me feel like i can never work well in groups. it's always somehow my fault as if they havent been invalidating me nd my feelings since birth.

nd i can never tell them all these bc i'm never confident in them. i'm never confident in whether i would be accepted nd comforted without ridicule or scolding. my brother & father tell me it's like that, that jus bc i may get a scolding shouldn't stop me from being open. but what kind of stupidity is that? my mother who makes me feel like the world is ending when i accidentally break smthn, that it wasn't an accident but rather it's me nd that i jus cant do a good job— where is the comfort i can ever find coming to her w a problem?

nd bc of that we're not close. bc of that she's closer to my cousins & everyone else really. they've never concerned themselves to talking about family issues w me but when i dont know, they shame me, saying i never bother to ask— how would i know when to ask? should they be telling me when there's smthn going on?

this makes the concept of family so repelling for me. there is inherently no reason to ever have a child that isnt selfish or self fulfilling. what they do as parents is to make them feel as important nd respected as they expect from the child. but it's never like that w south asians. emotions dont exist if ure the child nd apparently getting mad is a norm nd shouldn't stop u from being emotional w someone.

at times i tell myself that i should pay back every penny my parents spent on me. bc sometimes it feels like it's being used to make me act or feel a certain way. i dont wanna feel this way. theyre my parents, i know theyre good people. but i'm so hurt by the things going on nd the things from the past. my mother invalidates me sm. she more or less kinda blamed me for feeling useless and depressed last year. my brother was telling her to go easy on me nd she got so mad & frustrated bc she didnt know what she was doing wrong. "if she feels so useless why doesnt she do anything about it?" like that was such a golden chance for her to have comforted me nd i couldve opened up? but she ruined it nd hurt me again.

last year i lived w her alone nd my dad was in our home country. I was having some troubles w him gone but i dont call or text bc... it always felt like a drag. it never felt like a conversation nd the only time it did was when i complained to him about my mum. so much shit happened between my mum and i & this person advised me to jus write some of my feelings to her. so i wrote her a long letter nd i included saying how not having my dad was hard on me too. flash forward im in my home country & w my dad. i know nobody here bc i didnt grow up here. i'm doing online uni & basically have to stay indoors cuz of covid. she brings that letter up when she was to berate me nd it jus feels so uncomfortable for me? like ok my actions dont line up but i wrote that cuz i was looking for comfort nd understanding. if i knew it was going to be held against me, i would not have done it? "u said it was so hard for u without him, so what do u even do for him here now?"— what can i do? i'm just 20 nd the situation im in is not normal? i'm grateful to be w my dad again but what can i do? &it always freaking comes down to house chores. i try my best. when our maid doesnt come i do my best w my tasks. i know it's not enough but i jus... i dont even know. ig that part of me is selfish nd lazy.

it's so suffocating here. all my feelings are bottled up nd im so scared what that would do to me in the future. but at least i know i'm too selfish to ever spend the rest of my life w someone.

sorry for the long rant. i hope this didnt ruin ur mood or anything i jus need an outlet nd ur blog jus feels so comforting nd welcoming. thank u for listening to me nd my feelings. God bless u really kssjdjsj

i’m rlly sorry this is happening to you bby. idk what race u are but this sounds so much like that asian mentality where emotions are black and white and comfort in any way is out of the question. ur still rlly young tho so ur relationship with ur parents has room to improve i promise. i think it’s rlly important for u to move out whenever u can tho bc that’s what rlly improves the relationship. having said this i do think the way your mum talks to u/treats u is emotionally and mentally abusive so whether you want to uphold that tie with her in the future is ur choice i just rlly hope u get somewhere safe and away from ur family soon x

#answered

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darktammy · 5 years

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Coffee Shop (part 2)

Tag: @sassybrose @livlyf247 @balorbarnes @instantbouquetdestinysblog @beenlovingromansincedayoneish @living-the-life-1996 @thelonelunatic @wwesarahjaneroszko @ambrollinsbabe @ambrosesnerd @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @myadm1234 @shadowwgirl92 @tacoshu @musicallyinclinedthings @bxrn-thxs-wxy-90five

like I said before and I’ll say it again wanna be tag let me know.

You laid in bed looking up at the ceiling with your bra and shorts on still thinking about what happened last night. “Seth is my fucking boss are you kidding me.” You sat up in bed as you look at the time 8am. “Better get ready besides what’s the worst that could be done?” You so regret those words once you was out the door.

You didn’t even bother checking the weather because it was raining outside so no umbrella for you. Then the buses were running late so you try to flag down a cab, no help at all. So the best thing you could do was to walk to work and you knew that was not going to be good.

Once inside you clock in late. Your first lateness and already you was having a bad day. You got to work on serving customers there orders, making sure the customers are happy with what they have, if not then change there order which has been happening a lot. This was not good because someone said Seth was coming over later on and that meant your day was not going to get any better.

You look over at the time once again skipping lunch just so you can get out of there early just so you didn’t have to see Seth’s face. “God time is so slow.” Your friend Dixie walk on over sitting next to you. “You know girl I think you need some time off. You have been working here for a month now maybe you should take a break.” You giggle as you look back outside still seeing the rain pouring down. “Nah I need the money besides my landlord is being a dick again.” Dixie look at you and sigh. “Let me guess you was late on rent again?” You nodded your head as she gave you hug making you hugging her back as well.

You was in the back cleaning the dishes as your use to it already. You look at the time your was happy because it was time for you to clock out. You wash the last of the dishes taking your small apron off tossing it the side. You walk into the back just to clock out only to see Seth with Josh looking over the workers time cards. Seth look up to see you standing there as you had your hand on your chest. “Hey there leaving so soon.” Josh said as you turn your head in his duration. “Yeah my shift is over.” Seth held your time card in his hand looking at it. “Nah not on my watch I need to stay.” You look at him in shock like it was not enough that you found out this bully was your boss now he want you to stay longer. “I’m sorry Seth, but I can’t.” Seth look up at you confuse. “I’m sorry and why not?” His voice didn’t sound to pleased.

You look at him as you just remember you had to drop something off to your landlord. “Well I have to pay some bills so if you don’t mind I need to clock out.” You said walking up to his desk trying to get your time card. Seth standing up looking down at you. “The last time I check i’m your boss so you do what I say. If you need to pay something fine then we'll go together then.” You almost fell backwards, “Wait, what?” was all you could say. Seth grabbing his keys to his car then looking back at you. “Yeah you heard me I need you to stay but you need to do this so I’m going to help. Plus you came to work today late and wet so I’m not going to take any chance so let’s go.” You rolled your eyes as you walk right behind him.

You got your things as you told Seth were to go so you can do what you have to do. You got in as Seth startup the car driving out of the lot still raining the window wipers moving side to side, and all you could do is look out the passenger side window while Seth keep his eyes on the road. “So Y/n how are ya?” You look over at him wide eyed, him asking you how your feeling. “Well after what happened yesterday I feel like a piece of shit. Now knowing my boss was my high school bully.” You look back at the window, Seth look over at you a few times before looking back at the road. “Your still mad at me?” You shook your head, “No I hate you Seth.” Seth rolled his eyes thinking to himself was this even a good idea.

You made it to your landlords place getting out of Seth’s car, you look back nodded your head letting him know that he can leave as you turn heading in. You walk right in rings the bell. “Yeah who’s that?” Nash your landlord yelled out. “It’s me Y/n I have the rent.” You heard heavy footsteps coming your way. You look out the window just to see that Seth’s car was gone. “Great now I can take a cab back to work.” You said sighing in relief. “Well look who’s here my favorite.” You look back to see Nash standing here with a cigar in his mouth. “Yeah I have your rent ready. “ You handed him over a money order instead of cash Nash’s face went from all smiles to anger in a snap. “I want it in cash Y/n what did I tell you about checks and money orders?” You shook your head. “No sir and I told you that I don’t do cash.” He got anger as he wrote out a receipt for you. “Hey Y/n how about you and I go out sometimes?” As he hand you over the paper touching your hand. You move away from him. “1 eww, 2 you can use your hand like you have been.” You said turning around just to walk away. “You bitch you still owe me two more months of rent bitch.” You turn around ready to say something. “Hey fat ass I don’t know who taught you manners, but you don’t call a lady no bitch.” You turn around to see Seth standing by the door. Your eyes widen, hang on did he just defend you? Nash was mad as he told the both of them to leave.

You and Seth were driving back to the shop so you can get back to work. “Thanks Seth for helping me back there.” as you keep your eyes on the road making Seth smile a little. “Yeah sure Y/n.” You look down at your knees as you keep quiet in the car.

You made it back to work as you started to severing your customers again as Seth sat back in his office looking over paperwork. “You made it back in one piece.” Josh laugh at him. “Yeah yeah Y/n has a real asshole of a landlord if there was some way I can help her out.” Josh look at him with a smile. “Dude do you like her or something?” Seth look at him as he sat back and start to explain his story.

He start to think back in his younger years when he use to pick on you. Back in science class you sat alone in the back with no one. Not even the loser kids want to hang out with you. Seth as always walking with his buddies looking around until he saw you. Seth on the other hand if you only knew he hard strong feelings for you, but hanging out with his buddies he couldn’t show them. “Hey man I got an idea but Seth you have to do it.” He look at his friend rolling his eyes, “what then.” He told him to put the class snake in your book bag while they bother her. Seth had rage in him, but he didn’t want to let his friends know about his feelings for ya. So while the teacher was running late the other boys walk up to you as they start to mess around with your books. “Hey come on stop that will ya leave me alone!” Everyone in the class start laughing as you. Then you look back to see Seth in your book bag you got up tell him to fuck off which he did as the rest of the guys sat down as there table. After class was over you start to pack up your books ready to leave as you grab your bag you heard something. You look into your bag making you scream in fear dropping your bag. “Y/n! Y/n are you alright?” The teacher ask. You start to freak out as you look at the snake. Seth walk over to help you, but you push him away. “Fuck you! Fuck you Seth you did this you put that thing in my bag!” was all you could scream out loud. You was taken to see the nurse.

Josh shook his head as he look over at Y/n, “damn dude you are an asshole.” Josh laugh, but Seth was not laughing not even smiling. He still had those hard feelings for you, even tho he was engaged then dated a few times before he found you. “I know, but I’ve change and I want Y/n to see that. How can I let her know about that?” Josh shook his head. “Maybe you should forget about that.” Seth look at him funny, “What? Dude I’m not kidding i mean it.” Josh look back at Seth. “Nah man I’m telling you forget it.” Seth got up to look out the window to see you talking to some guy laughing and holding hands. “What the hell? Who’s that?” Josh pats Seth’s back, “Let me found out.” As he walks out the room.

Josh walk up to your both as he ask, “Hey are you taking orders or what?” You smiled at him, “Oh uh Josh this is my boyfriend Richard, Richard this one of my bosses Josh.” Richard extended his hand out to Josh as he shook his hand. “Hey uh yeah well I’m going to get going and Y/n I’ll see you later on after work?” You laugh as you nodded, “Yeah sure bye.” You and Josh watch him walk out the store. You look over at Josh who just had an ‘what the hell’ look on his face. “Well Josh I meet Richard at the park one time and well we just start talking from there after that.” Josh just nodded as he walk back into the office.

Josh pat Seth’s back “Fuck your feelings for Y/n because she meet that guy name Richard in a park. Sorry Seth, but you fuck things up big time.” Seth's eyes widen from what Josh told him. Y/n dating some other guy no way Seth just couldn’t take that answer. He sat down in his chair looking at his desk. Josh on the other hand told Seth to just let you go and move on as he walk out of the office.

Time past pretty fast you was the last one to help put the things way. You clock out as you look over to see Seth still sitting in his chair. “Hey Seth?” He look up to see you standing there. “Yeah?” You look at him, “It’s time to close up the shop.” He nodded his head as Seth got up packing all his things. You both walk out of his office then Seth stop grabbing you by the arm then turning you around to face him. “Seth what the hell?!” He keep a tight grip on your arm. “Next time don’t bring your boyfriend in my shop understand?” You nodded your head as you remember that face before. Instead of him letting you go Seth drop his bag as he pulled you close hugging you just to make sure you can’t run. “Seth what the hell man let me go.” You said Seth move his hands up to your face then lean in to kiss you right on the lips you tried to fight back, but instead you gave in. You felt his lips his kiss was soft and sweet, and with heart something you never thought he will do, but you fought back you manage to push Seth off of you. “What the heel Seth I have a boyfriend you asshole!” You said walking out the shop leaving Seth standing there with a smile on his face. He knew he got ya right there, where he wanted you.

#sethrollinsimagine #seth rollins #seth rollins x reader #the reader #josh #wwe imagine #fanfic #fanficwwe #drama

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avecorviidae · 4 years

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Fic: Aubade - Chapter Nine

Fandom: Mob Psycho 100 Rating: M Relationship(s): Kageyama Ritsu/Suzuki Shou Word Count: 3151

Ao3 Link

Ritsu’s lit. analysis class is at eight in the morning because he hates himself, and Shou is still awake at six in the morning because he is, presumably, a masochist, so it’s a happy happenstance that they manage to have breakfast together on the first day of classes.

He’s slumped on the sofa with his terrible, awful, bland granola flake cereal, making an unpleasant face and thinking unpleasant thoughts, because it’s really best to get his morning sulk in before he leaves the house. Better for appearances, anyways; it’s going to be a long day – long semester – of smiling, introducing, chattering, ingratiating, appeasing, socializing.

Shou wanders into the living room with a bowl of some colorful cereal Ritsu hasn’t had since he was six, and says, “Someone piss in your bran flakes?”

“Your face pissed in my bran flakes,” He mumbles, because it is six in the morning, and Ritsu is not legally awake yet.

“There’s nothing you can prove!” Shou replies cheerfully, plopping down next to him. Ritsu’s cereal sloshes around sadly in its bowl. Ritsu hates it, deeply. Why does he buy healthy cereal? Why does he do this to himself? Was it to spite Shou’s bad nutritional choices? To make some psychological ideal of his mother proud? Was it a manifestation of his profound and extended period of self-loathing? All of the above?

“Ah, it won’t be that bad,” Shou offers, with a commiserating smile that is entirely false and betrayed by the sadistic glee in his eyes.

Ritsu grouses, “I have to pretend to be people. All day.” The cashmere sweater is making a reprise today, pushed up to the elbows, paired with khaki slacks – for fuck’s sake, khaki slacks. Next to Shou, decked out resplendently in ratty boxers and a faded anime t-shirt, Ritsu feels like a show pony. A sweaty, grumpy show pony.

He manages, though. He always manages. Shou sends him off at the door with a surprisingly genuine, “Good luck, don’t kill anybody,” and then the week’s started, and it all blurs together. Sit down center-left in lectures, phone away, planner out. Polite eye contact with professors, nodding and smiling, quiet laughter at bad jokes. Ask a relevant question about the syllabus, then shut up. Agreeable but not obnoxious. Complimentary but not kiss-ass. Figure out who’s going to be a battle and who’s going to turn into a letter of recommendation.

It’s normal.

It’s exhausting.

“What classes do you have tomorrow?” Shou asks, snapping Ritsu out of a daze. He looks up from the book in his lap, notices he’s left his fork dangling halfway between the bowl and his mouth, and shoves a bite into his mouth. Carbonara tonight, apparently not traditional to the true Italian dish since it’s got garlic, and bacon instead of pancetta or guanciale, but it’s fucking delicious, so Ritsu’s not complaining.

“Uh...” he has to think for a moment, try and remember what day it is. “Lit. analysis in the morning, psych in the afternoon.”

Shou frowns, pouting comically. He’s sat cross-legged on the floor, bowl in his lap, close enough to the new TV that Ritsu wants to channel his mother and warn him about his eyes. “Aw, you never come back for lunch when you’ve got stuff in the afternoon.”

Ritsu shrugs. “It’s just easier to stay on campus than catch a bus there and back again. Besides, I’m usually busy between classes.” God, is he busy. Meetings with advisors, meetings with study groups, meetings for group projects, tutors and guest lectures and events, it’s a fucking nightmare. He scrubs a hand over his face, sighing. He’s only a few weeks in, it shouldn’t be this bad already.

“Lit. analysis, huh?” Shou says, cutting through Ritsu’s train of thought immediately, because Shou’s got this way of saying things just so, so that Ritsu knows some shit’s about to go down. He finds himself smiling before Shou’s even said anything particularly ridiculous yet.

“Yep,” he replies, hefting the book, “Hence, the Poems of Doom.” The reading schedule for the lit. analysis class had very rapidly become completely unmanageable, hence why Ritsu is going cross-eyed trying to read thirty poems the night before class.

Shou shoves his bowl to the side and leans towards the sofa, making grabby hands at Ritsu. “Please. It’s my favorite thing, you have to let me–”

“No!” Ritsu laughs, holding the book out of reach, “I have to take it seriously, I’ve got to talk about this shit in class, you can’t ruin it for me–”

“Just one poem, please, Ritsu–”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Suzuki!” Ritsu gasps as the book goes flying out of his hands and shooting straight into Shou’s. Shou is on his feet in one bizarre, fluid motion, book held open in one hand, scrutinizing the poems held within. Ritsu watches, bemused, as he paces the floor of the living room, the book held aloft, arm outstretched, chin up, every bit a Hamlet preparing to lament Yorick.

“A- hem,” Shou coughs, pausing mid-stage, glancing up at Ritsu expectantly.

Obediently, Ritsu straightens in his seat, puts on a veneer of mild interest, raises an eyebrow to say, at your leave, Hamlet.

With a great deal of solemnity and gravitas, Shou begins.

“Piggy to Joey, Piggy to Joe. Yes that’s what I was – Piggy to Joe.”

Ritsu’s already snickering at the delivery, the overlong pauses between lines, the great lamentation in Shou’s eyes, his voice, the slight, not-quite-European accent on every piggy, but then begin the stage actions, Shou throwing his arms up, wretched as he continues,

"Will he come back again? Oh no! No! No! Oh how I wish I hadn’t been… Piggy to Joe.”

He bows with a flourish, and Ritsu golf-claps accordingly, breath coming in short gasps between laughter. He is completely fucked if this poem comes up in class tomorrow. He kind of hopes it comes up in class tomorrow.

He wanders into the kitchen zombielike, putting on the coffee machine and wandering over to the fridge, fully prepared to stare blankly into it for a couple of minutes before realizing nothing’s ever appetizing to him this early in the morning and giving up, resigning himself to chugging coffee on an empty stomach and getting pizza at the dining hall later.

He pulls open the doors and comes face to face with a tupperware sitting front and center, a post-it stuck to it reading in Shou’s impossible scrawl, ‘TAKE LUNCH TODAY’. Ritsu blinks at it for a few moments. It’s the carbonara from last night, definitely. Shou probably didn’t leave the note for himself, because one, he’s just recently gone to bed and as such won’t be up to go anywhere for lunch, and two, because the rest of the leftovers are in a big, clingfilmed glass bowl on the top shelf of the fridge. So that must logically mean that the tupperware is intended for him, which is…

The coffee machine beeps. Ritsu’s not awake enough to deal with the logistics. He grabs the tupperware and shoves it in his bag.

TO: YOUR FAVORITE ;) Hey, thanks for the sack lunch today

FROM: YOUR FAVORITE ;) thumbs up emoji

TO: YOUR FAVORITE ;) Wh Why would you not just send me the thumbs up emoji. Why would you type it out like that

FROM: YOUR FAVORITE ;) couldnt be bothered to switch keyboards

TO: YOUR FAVORITE ;) You are inexplicable. I hate you. Anyways thanks for lunch. I heated it up in a study room microwave and stank up the place with garlic, everyone hated me

FROM: YOUR FAVORITE ;) worth it tho

TO: YOUR FAVORITE ;) Oh, absolutely

FROM: YOUR FAVORITE ;) sparkly heart emoji

TO: YOUR FAVORITE ;) Stop

It’s normal, and it’s not.

He settles into a schedule, a routine, quickly, and it’s a little disorienting how mundane it all feels. But then again, that’s what life is; it’s just stretches of mundanity broken up periodically by monumentally life-altering events.

He’d read a list once, of the most stressful events human beings can experience. Deaths, natural disasters, divorces, injuries, illnesses. Other stuff too, marriages, pregnancies, changes in routine.

Ritsu’s problems tend to be so extreme, shit like, oh, my new best friend burned down my house and his dad’s trying to kill us all, shit like, every time my big brother has strong emotions it’s a geological event, that it feels like his perception of what’s normal and what isn’t has been warped.

Starting school was on that list. Moving houses, too.

The move was fine, though, is fine. Finding the apartment was the worst of it. After that, it was just learning how to be in a space with another person, and he already knows how to be with Shou, knows the particulars and intricacies of how he operates, and Shou knows him just as well, well enough that they don’t set off each other’s pet peeves, for the most part.

As Shou’s proclivity for cooking had shown, however, that didn’t mean there weren’t surprises.

Case in point:

Here’s something Ritsu would never have known about Shou without living with him: he owns a t-shirt for every day of the year, and about four pairs of underwear.

“Ritsu-kun,” he says, comically demure in the way that says that Ritsu’s going to hate whatever comes out of his mouth next. Ritsu glances up from the sofa, sees that Shou’s wearing nothing but a towel, and decides just to silently raise his eyebrows.

“Now, see, here’s the thing,” Shou says. “I have not done laundry this week.” “I’m shocked.” “I may – hey – I may be running short on, uh. On undies.”

“Shou.”

Shou throws his hands up defensively. “I thought I had enough, but my last pair had a big hole in them! Look, I don’t wanna go commando, it’s uncomfortable! Whatever, I’ll just reuse yesterday’s–”

Ritsu’s up in an instant, shaking his head. “No, no, nope, gross, fucking fine, I’ll lend you a pair.”

He goes digging in his drawers, throws a pair of old briefs at Shou’s head, who promptly gives a peace sign and disappears back into the bathroom.

“Jesus fuck.”

Other things, tiny things.

Ritsu tries putting on classical music to concentrate, and Shou wanders around the house conducting it, flourishing a pencil, spinning and waltzing and directing an imaginary orchestra, inevitably distracting Ritsu more than whatever he put on the music to drown out.

After far too long sitting in the Corner of Shame in the living room, they finally decide that Ritsu’s books cannot sit on top of a box containing an unassembled bookshelf all year, and attempt to build it. They get the shelves down alright, and then manage to attach the legs to the side of the shelf instead of the bottom. Shou declares it modern art and walks away to make dinner. Ritsu’s too tired to argue; he just puts his books on their sad, sad shelf and calls it a day.

Shou sheds, which as someone who has had sleepovers with the guy, was not news to Ritsu, but it becomes apparent and stunning just how thoroughly Shou’s hair has invaded every aspect of their lives. It’s in the shower, in the sink, on the sofa cushions. As Ritsu’s about to leave for class, he notices a red hair on his sweater, and holds it up for Shou’s inspection. Shou snatches it out of his fingers, says, “Wow, rude, I was looking for that.” Ritsu sighs, gives up, and decides to buy a lint roller.

The apartment is small, the kitchen especially is not built for two people to be in it at once, and Shou, in chef-mode, has this brisk nature about him, always gives these brief ‘passing behind you’ touches to Ritsu’s back if he’s moving around him. Ritsu, if he’s willing to admit it to himself, is becoming weirdly attuned to the touches. It feels like his skin knows before it happens, starts to prickle and stand to attention, and they always linger after Shou’s moved away, his aura clinging, vibrant and fluid against him.

It’s these times that he notices, really notices Shou’s aura, but it doesn’t feel foreign so much as more intense, but always familiar, always there, sunlight twisting around his fingertips. He can see it when he squints.

Your aura always looked a little like your brother’s, Shou had told him, once. Like, similar because you’re brothers, yeah, but I figure both of you living in the same place for so long, you just rubbed off on each other, it got all mixed.

It does feel different, now. Ritsu’s and Shou’s both. It hovers around Shou’s shoulders like a blanket of static, purple and a hundred other colors, runs through his hair and dances between his legs when he walks. He wonders if Shou feels it too.

They hit autumn proper, and Ritsu gets a few days off. Without having to worry about getting enough sleep, he ends up staying awake with Shou, gets dragged off into the city in the dead of night to satisfy Shou’s wandering tendencies. After the summer of the Sauna Apartment, it’s nice to be able to bundle up, even if Ritsu’s not the biggest fan of the chill pricking at his cheeks, making his nose start to run. Shou, as ever, seems mildly ignorant of the temperature, throwing on a thin jacket seemingly for aesthetics more than anything.

When they’d gone for walks in Seasoning, even in the middle of the day, it was never a busy affair. Honestly, Seasoning might’ve had more spirits in it than it had people.

Grain City was a much different affair. They lived close enough to GCU that they were well within the bounds of ‘college town,’ so all of the main streets had a sleek aesthetic, the buildings new and flashy. Urban vegan marketplaces, cute little coffee shops, clothing boutiques, the sorts of places him, Shou, and Mob get dragged to by Teru for ‘double dates’. They’re nice, but not the kinds of places Ritsu would go of his own volition, not when he could be elsewhere, in private, without the stress of performing being alone in public. And it is public, even at this time of night; the street is well-lit, most of the storefronts still open, ready to entertain the night owl crowd.

Shou, after a brief ogle at the bright lights, promptly ignores all of this and starts wandering down back alleys, turning at random into residential areas, climbing over low walls and crossing through deserted parks. For the first few blocks, it unnerves Ritsu, trying to keep track of what direction they came from, roughly where their apartment building is. Back in Seasoning, they didn’t often venture into the city-proper, but on the outskirts, they knew the territory like the backs of their hands. Here, it’s uncharted land, and they’re well outside of Ritsu’s comfortable knowledge of the route from the apartment to the bus stop.

Shou is infectious, though, and Ritsu’s nerves never last long in the face of him, utterly carefree as he trots from streetlight to streetlight. He stops paying attention to the direction, gets caught up in the conversation, stories they’re still managing to tell each other because they talk every day but even stupid shit starts to sound like something he wants to share, his “Oh, did I tell you about the time in this one class–” matched by Shou’s, “So I never told you about this one dude I met in–” , part of the running competition they’ve had since they were thirteen to make each other laugh like absolute idiots.

They’re on some dead-end street, surrounded by mostly warehouses and run-down storage buildings, Ritsu leaning against a street light pole to catch his breath through the laughter, Shou snickering at him, and it strikes Ritsu suddenly. It’s the coalescence of everything – his cheeks aching from the smiling, Shou hovering at his side, close enough to touch, the fact that he’s always close now, just another room over, in the kitchen cooking, in the shower singing–

“God, I missed you,” Ritsu says, with more feeling than he intended, voice rough in a way he didn’t expect, but he means it.

Shou falls silent, swaying on his feet, his expression slowly morphing into a sort of dumbfounded awe, and Ritsu’s so caught up watching his face that it takes a moment for him to realize that he’s not cold anymore.

He barely even has to concentrate to see the way Shou’s aura is moving around them, dripping from his skin like liquid sunlight, enveloping Ritsu in warmth, in the welcome pressure of Shou’s pure joy.

He’s at Ritsu’s eye-level all of a sudden, and when Ritsu glances down, sure enough, Shou’s hovering, toes barely grazing the ground, and Ritsu takes a sharp breath when he realizes this is something else they’ve not had since Shou left, one more thing he took for granted until it was gone. His stomach is already turning in protest, but he holds out his hands to Shou, palms up.

“Alright,” he says, “Take me up.”

Shou blinks at him, says, “You sure?” but he’s already moving to grab Ritsu, hands on top of his, wrapped loosely around his wrists. Ritsu tenses when he feels himself start to float, buoyed by Shou’s powers around him. He wobbles unsteadily, tightening his grip on Shou to keep himself from lurching forward, glaring when Shou snickers at him.

“Let’s go, asshole.”

Shou doesn’t respond, but Ritsu feels a rush of pressure at the soles of his feet, and then they’re up, ears popping with the rush, colder up here he can tell but can’t feel it, can only feel the warmth bleeding into him from Shou’s hands on his skin. They’ve started laughing again at some point, the sound of it hysterical to Ritsu’s ears, and they’re clinging onto each other for dear life as they shoot up, closer and closer, foreheads pressed together, hands grasping, and Ritsu missed this, this thing he only ever has with Shou, the ridiculous adrenaline rush and the lightheaded glee, forgetting about everything else, just having this.

They stop dead and he rocks back, looking at the city sprawled below them. It’s all lights and sounds in miniature, even the skyscrapers dwarfed by the height, and it seems comical from up here, fictional, unreal. Like it doesn’t exist, like none of it exists, while they’re up here.

Shou lifts a hand to his forehead, squinting as he scouts the terrain. “Oh, hey!” he says, grinning, “I can see our street! That’s good, because I had no clue how we were getting back.”

Ritsu snorts, deigning not to mention that they both have phones with GPS. Just slides his fingers into Shou’s, squeezes once. “Alright, lead the way, Sunshine. Let’s head home.”

#/#//#///#////#/////#robin fic #mp100 fic #fic: aubade

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