#it felt A LOT worse

[saminthea]

Is it appendicitis or just fibromyalgia and a stomach bug? Guess we'll see in the morning!

#fuck #nothing like a gradual increase in acute abdomen pain over the course of the week #along with diarrhea and nausea and lack of appetite #tmi #probably #my mom's giving me a ride to the ER in the morning #still have a couple irl friends as mutuals here #not right now because I've yet to throw up and I don’t think I have a fever #probably just not going to sleep so I can be sure I'll be awake when it's time to go #spend the rest of the night by the toilet in case I throw up #she's a nurse so she had me do the test where you put pressure on the pain and then release #at first it didn’t feel any worse #and then #it felt A LOT worse #vent #sorry #I've never had surgery before #and as previously mentioned I have fibro #which is probably going to mean a longer recovery time #did you know fibro can get worse when you have other infections in your body? #I'm currently having the worst flare up I've had in months #and it came out of nowhere #god Im not ready to potentially need surgery #I'm hosting a gala in 2 weeks! #a gala that has been in the works for months! #there might be as many as 40 people there #at least I have MaineCare #so I don’t have to worry about my insurance deciding not to cover it #very deliberatly posting this here and not Facebook #just so I don’t needlessly worry friends and family

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

"See you tomorrow"

MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 4 [prev parts]

#better drawn mdzs #MDZS Disco Elysium AU #mdzs au #Lan wangji #wei wuxian #yiling laozu #Happy Belated Halloween! #digital art #Thank you all for your patience as I drove myself into a madness only known by those lost at seas alone. #I put a lot of time into this one! It's not perfect but I am very happy with it + I am so happy to put down the tablet pen. #Digital art has some nice features but I'm sticking with traditional! I need a month to recover from the 2+ weeks of torture. #Okay lets talk about the AU and the comic now #Disco elysium has some of the best existential-horror-dream sequences I have ever seen. #The dialogue here is heavily inspired by The Final Dream - A scene I'd love to talk about more were it not so heavy with spoilers. #My AU is a lot more complex than a simple character swap but I really felt like LWJ + YLLZ fit this scene. #The final dream is about being unable to move on from a lost love. From something You made holy. From something You ruined. #It is about realizing that no matter how smart you are or what you offer or how you try to change - #You will never be able to turn back time. You will never ever be able to fix what is broken. That you also have been broken for a long time #You are a fuck-up who worships the nail covered ground of someone who did not want to be holy. And even though it hurts- #You cannot let this nightmare go. The pain keeps the love close. It is worse to forget. You promised to remember. #WWX died thinking LWJ disliked him. LWJ lost someone he thought was revolted by his love.

[monstrsball]

The night before Iwaizumi leaves for California, his mother gives him a gift. It's wrapped delicately in yellow wrapping paper.

Iwaizumi has a feeling he knows what it is.

"I know it's last minute," She says, sitting next to him on his bed in his childhood bedroom. "Your bags are all packed, I don't expect you to make room to take it with you or anything, of course." She watches him, hands folded in her lap. "Ah, and you'll probably think it's embarrassing any-"

"Mama," Iwaizumi interrupts, fighting back a little smile at her fretting. "Let me at least open it before you try minimizing it."

"Right, right." She laughs, waving her hand. "Of course. Go on then. Open it."

Iwaizumi doesn't take his time tearing it open.

It's a book. A scrapbook, Iwaizumi guesses. It has his name handwritten in both kanji and hiragana on the front. It's a little smaller than the other scrapbooks his mom has on her shelf. The binding is a dark forest green.

The only sound in the room is the flipping of pages. Iwaizumi takes his time to study each page, his chest feeling a little tighter the more he flips through the book.

Iwaizumi knows his mothers have always taken lots of pictures, ranging from polaroids to digital. His aunties too but he still finds himself surprised by the amount Sachiko has collected in the book. Including pictures she must have received from other people because neither of his moms were present at said event.

The pages are simple. Each one has about two to five (depending on the sizes of them) pictures on it. They're decorated with stickers and little notes written in his mom's graceful handwriting neatly squeezed where they can fit and still be legible.

Notes like "you gave your poor mother a fright the first time you came into the house with one of these" under a photo of Iwaizumi proudly showing off a jar with a beetle in it and "i'm surprised you convinced tooru to go, lol" by a photo from a fishing trip Iwaizumi took with the other third years.

"This is one of my favorite pictures," His mom says, watching as Iwaizumi flips pages over his shoulder. She points to a picture of the two of them when they first moved into the house. He was only three. They're sitting on the front steps together, neither of them are looking at the camera. He has his arms wrapped around hers and is looking up at her as she laughs.

And he breaks.

"Oh, Hajime." She says softly, pulling him into a tight hug. He tucks his face into the crook of her neck and she strokes his hair as he cries. He feels like he's five again, crying because he accidentally squashed a bug when he was trying to catch it. Ten, crying because he was sick with the flu and thought he was on the brink of death. Thirteen, crying because he and Oikawa had a fight and he thought he would never talk to him again.

Eighteen, crying because he's leaving the country tomorrow and it suddenly hit him that he doesn't know what he's going to do without his mom.

He doesn't say that though.

He doesn't tell her that he's scared, scared that he's going to crash and burn in California, scared that his friendship with Oikawa won't survive the distance, scared that everything is going to go wrong because he left.

Or that he's really going to miss her.

(Maybe he should have told her that.)

-

That night before Iwaizumi spends his last night in his childhood room, he wraps the scrapbook up in the hoodie that Oikawa gave him and tucks them both into one of his bags.

He thinks about where he's going to put it in his dorm room when he gets to California.

#iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi sachiko #<- 'who is that' you're wondering. that is one of iwa's TWO moms. catch up on your kennedy monstrsball lore #authors commentary: #so. i think iwa is really excited about going to UCI and he doesn't regret accepting. but he's a little scared too. and sad #bittersweet you know?? #he spends a lot of time before he leaves forcing himself not to think about the negatives because he's HAPPY!! he's so happy!! #but then his mom gives him a sentimental scrapbook and he realizes everything is about to change for better or worse and. he breaks #and something about a parent and child sitting in said child's childhood room before the child moves out GETS ME!!! #it gets to me man. #also the ending of this felt really abrupt sorry. but i wanted to finish this and post it before i went to bed so :33 #haha perfectionism! in your face! #i'm cured. [i'm not]

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[buttercupshands]

bunch of sketches from the stream

#i'm tired #and it felt so... pointless by the end of it #undertale #fanart #sketch #my art #bnha #shigaraki tomura #league of villains #flowey #tenko shimura #toga himiko #ochako uraraka #izuku midoriya #undertale yellow #neutral ending #bnha manga spoilers #my hero academia #midoriya izuku #i'm too tired to sort those tags #I'll probably never stream again #I'm probably too tired rn #Even forgot to add that #all for one #For better of worse he's here #Really wanted to sketch something with ch 417 but tiredddd #Luocha' rerun messes with my head #Update: I've slept and it feels a lot better than not sleeping

[cluescorner]

Tim Drake has a weird fucking function

The thing about Tim that I find unique is that his life became SO MUCH WORSE after joining the heroing thing. Everybody else had a mid-to-shit life before becoming a hero/living with Bruce and mostly everybody (except Jason who LITERALLY DIED) had their life improved by being a hero/being Bruce's kid (or at least it is typically portrayed as such.

Tim had the exact opposite trajectory. His life wasn't perfect before he became Robin, but like...multi-millionaire/billionaire (canon is unclear, but he's within Gotham's upper-strata) kid with both natural intelligence + charisma and a bright future ahead of him and parents who were emotionally neglectful but nothing really beyond that (which is also a form of trauma, but all of the info we have indicates that the Drakes were no Arthur Brown or David Cain) and he still had other people he could rely on outside of them. He went to boarding school, which could be something horrible OR something amazing depending on your own thoughts/experiences. I grew up having a commute where we'd drive past a really pretty and rich af boarding school that literally everybody in our area DREAMED of going to, so to me the idea of going to boarding school sounds incredible but mileage may vary. Tim seems like the type of kid who would thrive in that though. Based on what we know in canon atm, his pre-robin life was fucking amazing.

And then he starts being the sidekick and working towards becoming Robin. His parents immediately get kidnapped and poison themselves through drinking tainted water; his mom dies and his dad is in a coma. This is not the fault of Robin, but Tim himself muses about the idea that Robin and dead parents are linked: to become Robin completely, you must lose your parents. And with how fate/destiny/canon events can operate in comics universes, maybe he isn't that far off. Once his dad wakes up, their relationship becomes strained as the man grieves the loss of his wife and realizes that his son has been doing vigilantism as a hobby. It is unclear exactly how good of a parent Jack was before the incident, but the results of Tim's involvement with the Robin mantle has definitely made things worse between father and son. Jack will also die within quick succession of 2 of Tim's best friends, his girlfriend, and his other father. He will also effectively lose like 1/2 his loved ones in the fallout of all of that mess including: his older brother, his other friends (both civilian and superhero), and the stepmother with whom he shared what I would argue is his best parent-child relationship (Dana also may have died, but it's left unclear). He has stopped pursuing higher education (the moment he even applied for college he 'died', and it seems he hasn't made another attempt since) and if he wasn’t a major focus of the media before he sure is now. He tries to quit briefly (in fact he initially was planning on quitting once someone more suited came along) and cannot bring himself to do so. Even when he does manage to get away for a while, his superhero life impacts the pre-robin life he is trying to go back to. Leaving is an impossibility, this is all there is for him now. He also isn’t allowed to make mistakes anymore, not when lives hang in the balance. The one who enforces that impossible standard the most (besides Bruce depending on who's writing) is himself. He’s got TRAUMA now and people want to hurt him constantly. He is constantly questioning his own sanity and morality and place in the world. He almost dies like every month. Tim grows colder and less grounded, he is becoming both a better and a worse version of himself at the same time. He’s saving lives in the same few issues as he’s setting up a Saw movie plot for the man who killed his father. He is haunted by the ghosts of his past and the looming figure of his future. His life becomes SO MUCH FUCKING WORSE after he becomes Robin. Some of it is the fault of others, some is the fault of circumstance, and some of it is due to his own actions. But basically all of Tim's worst traumas and life-changing moments are either tied to or caused by Robin. Dick's parents would still be dead, Jason would still be living on the streets, Stephanie would still have Arthur Brown for a father and a lot of other things that deserve their own posts/IDK if they've been retconned, and Damian would still have been raised in the eco-cult where death is a constant. Those are life circumstances that occur without the involvement of Robin, the only one who even needs Bruce involved at all in their series of events is Damian. But Tim? All of what is considered his 'worst' moments occur after he assumes the role.

This idea is what I find the coolest and most fascinating about Tim as a character. Being a hero is usually portrayed as either an outright awesome thing or a righteous duty that one must fulfill or (maybe in a grimmer and/or more grounded story) a sacrifice to your interpersonal relationships/mental health that is made for the greater good. For Tim, being a superhero actively ruined his life (both because of the general circumstances surrounding being a kid vigilante and the choices he made as part of that role). It's never portrayed that way in canon because we need to come out of issues going 'wow being a superhero is so cool! I'm gonna buy the next issue!', but when you just look at Tim's life literally everything really bad that we know of occurred after he became Robin.

#tim drake #batman #batfamily #Red Robin 2009 #Red Robin #idk this is just why I think Tim is a really interesting character. I'm probably not being as articulate as I could be but it's tumblr so #I've had a lot of people say that they think Tim is the most boring robin. And I disagree because I don't think any of them are boring #but it is definitely the hardest to explain what makes Tim interesting to people with only a cursory knowledge #and it doesn't help that a lot of what makes Tim cool relies on his relationships with OTHER characters. #like you can explain why Jason is cool and interesting without even mentioning Batman if you really want to. #with Tim you need a fucking relationship chart and like 11 asterisks whenever anything involving the 'Bruce is dead' era is involved #so I just felt like typing up why I think he can really work as an exploration of somebody who straight up got WORSE after heroing #granted it's never actually stated because DC needs to make money. and tbh the closest we've ever gotten is Red Robin 2009 #which I feel is dubiously canon at best at this rate. was it retconned? did any of it happen in the current universe?

[waywardstation]

A long, long time ago I got asked about Akari’s pokemon team. I had answered it, but since then I’ve changed a lot of the Pokémon on her team, and wanted to make a proper post for it ^^

@tjs-stuffs has put in lots of thought and meaning into their own pokemon teams for their AUs, as well as analyze NPCs’ pokemon teams to see what it says about their trainers, and I thought that was really cool so I wanted to try that too when reconstructing Akari’s team!

long analyzation about each member below!

—————

EMBER ♀ | LVL 48 QUILAVA

HARDY NATURE

Akari’s starter Pokémon. I thought a fire-type would work well with an outgoing personality, and it would be a useful starter to have in the wild — makes camping easier with usefulness in cooking and staying warm.

And with Hisuian Typhlosion’s entries saying it’s speculated to guide lost souls, I believe it’s especially fitting for Akari since she was put there to really help out a very lost Jubilife Village and show them Pokémon aren’t creatures to be afraid of. And in my stories especially, I frequently stress that Akari is “guiding” Ingo out of this lost, empty state and will eventually be the reason why he gets back home.

—————

KITE ♂ | LVL 36 DRIFLOON

IMPISH NATURE

Akari caught this Pokémon out in the fieldlands while doing her initial trial for Cyllene.

Lots of drifloon and drifblim’s entries talk about the Pokémon’s relation to lost people, more frequently children. And how with those who go missing, no one knows where they went. Sometimes also relates to lost souls. Akari is certainly a “lost soul” who was plucked suddenly from her time, and no one knows what happened to her or where she went.

—————

JELLY ♀ | LVL 41 MANTYKE

JOLLY NATURE

Akari caught this Pokémon in the coastlands when she saw she couldn’t avoid swimming anymore, and needed help as someone who couldn’t swim.

Mantyke is one of the very few pokemon (if not the only one, IIRC) who evolves through a symbiotic relationship with another Pokémon, remoraid. I thought it would attribute well to Akari, since so much of what she’s doing in Hisui is based on symbiotic relationships.

She is doing what Arceus asked of her, and in return Arceus assists her where it can. She stays in Jubilife Village, but only if she does hard work and is helpful to Kamado and the Galaxy Team in return.

And in my fics especially, her and Ingo have a symbiotic relationship, both helping the other out in many ways (that are emotionally healthier and less forced than what she’s got with Arceus and the Galaxy Team).

—————

TRINKET ♀ | LVL 39 CHINGLING

CAREFUL NATURE

Akari caught this Pokémon in the highlands when she spotted its unusual and pretty colors.

Chingling are said to be based off Suzu bells, which can be used for Shinto Shrines — worshipping places for various deities, and were around in Japan during the Meiji Era.

As someone doing what was asked of them by Arceus, a diety that is greatly respected and revered in the region (although they’re largely unknown to be what everyone calls Almighty Sinnoh until the end of the story), I thought it would be a good fit for Akari.

—————

FREIGHT ♂ | LVL 40 SHIELDON

BRAVE NATURE

Akari caught this Pokémon within a space-time distortion in the highlands. She asked Ingo to help her name this one.

Shieldon and Bastiodon are described to be very strong Pókemon, yet they prefer avoiding conflict — they’re also impenetrable with their hard heads, but are weak to attacks from behind. And as ancient Pokémon from the past, the ones that show up in Hisui are obviously displaced.

I think a lot of these fit Akari well. She’s also very formidable in battle but isn’t really someone who often goes looking for fights (in the aggressive sense, at least). The sturdy face but weaker backside also seems to fit how I write Akari; she puts on a tough “I’m fine” front a lot, even if she’s not, and is sometimes reluctant to share her struggles. And finally, the most obvious — she’s just as displaced as these fossil Pokémon.

—————

POM-POM ♂ | LVL 45 RUFFLET

LONELY NATURE

Akari caught this Pokémon in the icelands (specifically during the events of HFBE, she finds it without its parents).

Many of Rufflet’s dex entries describe it as Pokémon that will fight stronger opponents more out of recklessness than bravery, and Braviary’s dex entries describe it as a Pokémon that will bravely fight for its friends to protect them, even if they themselves are hurt.

I felt like this fit how I write Akari pretty well. Sometimes she’s reckless, yes, but she will take on whatever comes after herself or her friends, and will keep pushing. (Such as frequently claiming to fight Arceus to get Ingo home with her if she has to — she will follow through with this if she must!!)

#I’ve had a lot of fun thinking about Akari’s team and giving each one meaning and relation to Akari #I would have put Akari’s pre-Hisui team on here too but I felt like that would have been too long #another post for another day!! #Akari has a few other Pokémon that she keeps with her too #but they’re not really her ‘team’ pokemon #they stay in the pasture (swinub) or in her housing unit (rotom) or can’t officially be caught (Powder #one of Sneasler’s kits) #I’ve been doing a run with these Pokémon on PLA too #but I had to stop when my hand got worse #I hope to continue it soon!!

[skitskatdacat63]

"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."

+ process(tw blood)

Also, look at him, bloody little guy 🥹

This drawing was inspired by several matador pics :D here and here:

^ I don't think I'll ever live up to the second one ah. There's several pics of that specific guy just soaked with blood, and I'm uh a bit obsessed with then ITS FUCKED UP I KNOW OKAY! But I've not drawn blood in a while so it was a bit difficult so I added less than I would want to I guess. Also I'm obsessed with how often they kneel in bullfighting?? Like okay who are you arching your back and spreading your legs for-

#ah not 100% sure abt this one but i think i still like it!!! #i was practicing matador poses during the wknd and im like yeah should prob paint one #and then it felt like all the energy left my body djfkkglg i was like ugh how do i paint again????? #mostly: just really wanted to draw him bloody #i love how every time i draw him in ferrari colors its just the most eye bleeding thing ever #my eyes get too used to it on my ipad's display and im like aw this isnt red enough :( #and then i transfer it to my phone and it feels like the red suddenly is hurting my eyes even worse djfkkglg #im glad the blood turned out well. i honestly think it was probably easier bcs the clothes are red already #but yes yes suffering ferrari nando. hes my comfort character atp 😭😭 #perfect catie drawing: depressed ferrari fernando. blood. napoleon quote #anyways yeah lmk! i think it looks okay?? idk i think i just love the first 2 matador drawings i ever did #and its very hard to live up to them. but whatever. we move on #im glad i did a more complicated pose at least ????? #also god i was somewhat annoyed w his face and then i redrew his eye and it was like OH OKAY suddenly good okay #tw blood #<- i would put this drawing under the cut but like. my blog i do what i want and i want to draw blood #i used to draw bloody stuff a lot more but ah idk less opportunities now sjfkkglg so it was kinda nice #catie.art. #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #matador au

[trans-queen-administrator]

Honestly? I think Aisha had a crush on Taylor, and it makes her character so much more fun too. Her first meeting she gets to tease her a bunch and then the next time they meet she sees that Taylor is incredibly brutal and idk. I think she's weird enough that that would make a spark for her. Obviously Taylor barely noticed Aisha, and ends up dating her brother, so I think this crush withered a bit and likely made her kinda bitter as a whole, in large part because Aisha hurts a lot when people she wants to notice her don't. She thinks she's over it when Taylor leaves, she's been hurt enough already, and then Taylor comes back and oh no she is not over it at all and so she flirts with her a few times through Gold Morning, and she has an actual emotional moment with Taylor where she tells her it's ok to feel things, and she gave up on the crush but maybe she can still be important enough for Taylor to notice and not dismiss.

And then Taylor is barely Taylor, and Aisha is following her through portal after portal, watching as the fun-to-tease dumbass that made her heart flutter becomes more and more unhinged. Taylor is unraveling at the seams, and she's doing it all alone, even surrounded by thousands of capes for her army she's so alone. Except for Aisha. Taylor doesn't even know Aisha is there, she's never noticed her anyway, but she's alone and she's breaking down and she's still the woman Alec teased her about liking all those years ago. So Aisha does all she can to soothe her even as she stops being her, she sings soothing melodies, fixes Taylor's hair, gently rubs her back. So many things Taylor would never let happen, but that she needs to have. And then the golden man dies, and everyone is surrounding Taylor and wondering what to do with her, and she's going to attack them, and Aisha finally lets her power down and Taylor notices her for once. The joy from that hardly makes up for having her free will stolen and a knife put in her mouth as a threat, and if Aisha could move she'd let out a bitter laugh about how fitting it is that this was the time Taylor noticed her.

And then Taylor is gone. She's not coming back this time. And despite Aisha's best efforts, she can't quite move on from the crush just like she can't move on from Alec's friendship. So she does what she wishes people would do for her, she makes sure Taylor is remembered. She confronts Shadow Stalker and lets her know just how much Taylor mattered, because all those people afraid of Khepri and wanting to forget her didn't see her as tears streamed down her face and blood dried on her skin and her posture slumped like a corpse. They didn't see how human she was, how much she sacrificed. But Aisha did. Aisha saw the girl that she had fun teasing in the apartment slowly disappear. She saw someone so determined that they left their mind behind for the greater good. She saw Taylor at her lowest, and she was the only one who really saw her. She'll never get over seeing the hollow shell of Taylor Hebert breaking down as she sings to her, she'll never forget her. So she has to make sure other people don't forget her. It's her love language, and sometimes it feels like no one else speaks it.

#worm #parahumans #aisha laborn #imp #taylor hebert #skitter #her thing with Alec always felt platonic soulmates to me #idk why I wrote this and I don't think it makes sense it's 2:30 am lol #but yeah aisha having a crush makes her whole life worse #it fits in a lot of situations in canon too #so yeah #3 for 3 female undersiders love Taylor #gah I wanna write Taylor / Aisha post gold morning

[dailyriolu]

A silly guide on how I draw normal Riolu vs My sona

#Riolu #Doodle #The Mod #Do not use my sona thanks #Just wanted to give a silly doodle while I ramble #I admittedly made the last few daily pieces as basically a progression of my eyes for the last ~1.5 years #Keeping up with everything became harder because of my eyes #I only talked about this briefly on my main twitter #I was diagnosed with keratoconus #My eyes got worse over time #so I was squinting constantly and would get headaches trying to focus my eyes to draw or play half the games I did #it sucked. I slept a lot to get rid of pain and I felt like I couldnt do my normal work so it kept piling #I had surgery + got RGP Contacts to help me see normally this year tho! #So I can finally get my shit together and have been slowly trying to get everything going/sorted #Just to like... explain where I disappeared to #Ofc Its hard to do anything art or reading without my contacts in #tbh i didnt even know until December lol so it went for awhile and thought my prescription went from good to shit #so i took a minor break from social media to keep where my eyes used online to mainly discord

[seawitchkaraoke]

Something very interesting in how Eugene Lee Yang has been the one gay asian guy on a (first buzzfeed now) youtube team with otherwise straight white guys for years, so he felt a lot of pressure to perform well (especially in early videos). So he has this public image of an incredibly confident, talented, extroverted guy.

Plus of course, he's an internet celebrity so everyone has parasocial relationships with him (even more so than with other celebrities like actors and such). But obviously none of us actually know what goes on in his head or in his private life beyond what he decides to share.

And now he's playing a guy who feels a lot of pressure to perform well and has to appear confident and competent and extroverted - but who in his own mind has a lot more insecurities and of course acts differently in his private life than he does in public.

Idk. It's just fun. I wonder if he drew on that for his performance for Ambrosius

#ambrosius goldenloin #eugene lee yang #nimona #(of course eugene is indeed incredibly talented #but he's mentioned before how especially in early try guys videos he felt a lot of pressure to always do really well #bc he felt a lot of pressure to represent the queer and the asian communities well #can't have the asian guy do worse than those white guys y'know?) #it's different from ambrosius but also it's not totally different

[tswwwit]

just reread whump au for the nth time now, and it suddenly occurred to me what in god's name would've happened if dipper just straight up kicked the bucket right after saying, "i love you."

i can't imagine bill's reaction would've been a good one. i'm getting chills just trying to picture it, honestly.

in fact, just the image of dipper dying in general, and seeing the aftermath of that from bill's pov, has my whole body breaking out into goosebumps.

awesome.

also, let's just assume that bill hasn't yet figured out the whole reincarnation thing in this scenario aha

(i just really like angst okay? lmao)

Oh man, Bill? Oh Bill. Bill.

He would be very, very upset.

Also this is a good opportunity for the ol' classic:

#answers #There's probably a short time where he's too stunned to have a response #Which is *very* rare for Bill; he's old as hell - literally! - and seen and done pretty much everything #This of course can't last long. Bill is a being of *action*. And rage. #Bill is not taking this lying down #He's not taking this AT ALL what BULLSHIT is THIS #He didn't even get a DECADE with this mortal and what he's just GONE??? BULLSHIT #NO CHANCE NOT HAPPENING NOPE NOPE NO FUCK THAT #If the multiverse thought Bill during their 'break' was bad this is going to be orders of magnitude worse #He's experienced something he never thought he'd ever feel and never *ever* thought would be felt for him in turn #It was strange and disgustingly domestic. Grossly wibbly soft and chokingly *Sweet* with this lovely rivalry ganache #Something he won't - can't - continue on throughout the ages without. Not after he knows what it's *like* #Nothing's gonna match *that* again. Barely a decade damn it and it just. Just went. *poof*. #And FUCK THAT #The soul has to be somewhere. Lots of people can build a body. There's solutions #And if anyone or anyTHING stands in his way he's going to get rid of it without even stopping to monologue or gloat #Bill's got a mission and no psychopomp or demon or god is going to stand in his way of reclaiming what's his #Even if he has to go on a full-on quest for it. Tearing a path through the multiverse #He is GOING to get him BACK #Dipper's Last Words are going to have a greater effect than he could have imagined #Because with those ringing in Bill's brain he's not going to ever *stop* #Narratively speaking it'd be the most Character Development for Bill to exhaust his violent means #And have to bargain with someone #(Probably the Axolotl) #The biggest challenge Bill has ever or will ever face: Going up to someone. Hat in hand. And saying *please*

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Drew WWX and LWJ after I finished my rewatch of The Untamed a few months ago. I have gotten marginally better. May this set a benchmark for what to expect from this blog.

Edit: June 2023 redraw

#Poorly Drawn MDZS #MDZS #wei wuxian #Lan Wanji #there are a lot of great artists in this fandom. I am not one of them #I've always admired artists a lot so I wanted to try learning how to draw #And the only way to start is to draw a lot. Enter the audio drama (and my desire to listen to it guilt free) #doing both at once was my way of participating in my own fandom #as much as I wanted to be super social on the MDZS forums...I honestly got really nervous #I have nothing to contribute besides going 'cool!' to other people's art #Writing and historical/theory posts. It kinda felt worse than isolation... #That aside...I am just here to dump my silly comics and I expect absolutely nothing to come of it #I'm blogging like that lady from that julia child movie. about the cookbook. I forgot what its called. this is just a journal to me

[galaxygermdraws]

Absolutely. Obsessed with whatever episode 7 was. Who let Skizz and Tango do that. Who let them parallel Last Life like that. Also Gem being terrifying is so good I'm quite obsessed with her this series.

And uh. Tiny little doodle of the best base in the series. I'm not crying what r u talking about.

(reblogs with tags/comments appreciated. Thankyu)

#secret life smp #trafficblr #secret life spoilers #SLSMP #SL spoilers #tangotek #skizzleman #geminitay #tw blood #tw fire #ask to tag #germ draws #germdraws #god i will think about skizz actually being selfish A LOT. like #this is the same guy who dies for his loved ones all the time but the one time he has ever gotten the boogey curse HE HURT. TANGO. AND IVE #NOT SEEN A LOT OF PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT IT #BUT IT MAKES ME INSANE AS SOMEONE WHO LIKES LL SKIZZ N TANGO AN UNHEALTHY AMOUNT #like...how do u think tango felt. yet again being turned on by someone in his team due to a boogey curse. and its worse here bc #skizz would NEVER....right? #yea tangos gonna have trust issues again #AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HOW SKIZZ FINALLY GOT BOOGEY CURSED AND IT #WASNT EVEN RANDOM CHANCE #IT WAS TARGETED. IT WAS FORCED UPON HIM AGAINST HIS WILL. NOT TO MENTION HE ALSO WENT RED #BAD COMBO

[boxofthings]

I constantly think about how 09 Soap must've felt losing Roach on a mission he didn't accompany him on.

His journal entries made it clear that he cared about Roach, talking about wanting to break him in and feeling more comfortable with mentoring Roach than Price was when mentoring Soap.

Not to mention how he spoke about how he saw himself in Roach, noting how he was "raw, skilled and loyal to a fault" (and this was after one mission together) and wrote down how Roach was a quick learner, good at the snowmobile and at C4 detonation (this guy was totally pining)

the 09 timeline in general is SO angsty, the tone overall was just sm grittier and you could feel the stakes of every mission. So just think about all the close calls Roach has gotten himself in, dude got his name for a reason and Soap had to experience first hand on multiple occasions why that is (so just think about how terrified he constantly is, having to watch someone you care about get hurt so often and just barely escape death)

Might be misremembering things but I'm pretty sure on every mission we go on, Roach is always accompanied by Soap, which makes it all the more gutwrenching that the one time they're split up is the moment where Roach's life is taken. Devastating :')

I always think about the radio calls right after Loose Ends, where Soap keeps yelling for Roach and Ghost to answer, only to stop once Price yells that they're dead. He must've been so desperate to hear at least one of them confirm that they were alive, only to be met with silence.

Think about Hornet's Nest from his perspective, watching Roach fall behind and being so close to catching him but not quite being quick enough. Soap was probably terrified at the thought of having to leave Roach behind and having to watch him run for his life while guiding him from the safety of the carrier. The pure, unadulterated fear and anger afterwards must've been so potent. I'm imagining the hug afterwards, but also the yelling, probably just him calling Roach an idiot and just how many times are you going to miss a jump before it kills you??

His heart must've dropped the moment he realized Shepherd had turned against them, and Roach was heading directly to him with the DSM, miles away from Soap's location. He wasn't even able to say goodbye. And reading his journal entry right before they go after Shepherd makes me unwell lol

Anyways yeah :') no one talks about 09 soaproach enough. They make me so upset it's insane.

#i talk about 09 ghostroach a lot but yall be sleeping on 09 soaproach mannn theyre equally as devastating #even worse if you imagination ghostsoaproach being a thing in the 09 timeline soap just lost 2 of his loved ones in one go #dude mustve felt SO guilty he wasnt there #and the anger in his journal after losing them arghhhhhh i NEED more 09 content #gary roach sanderson #john soap mactavish #soaproach #roachsoap #soap x roach #cod #call of duty #mw2 #modern warfare 2 #box of words #box of posts

[femmesandhoney]

its kinda hilarious to me that people say they're afraid to travel to the US because of guns/gun violence but like you're really gonna be quite safe in any of the big cities, national monuments or parks, and tourist areas you're visiting. like im sure you as a tourist have zero reason to be going to the worst areas of any town lol, and overall most americans are quite nice and friendly i do not think you'd feel afraid for a second 😭

#like youre afraid of what exactly? those major tourists areas you'd be going to are not where any violence is occuring...as if ur countries #don't have worse sides of town either #but really ive been to a lot of major cities and tourist places and have never felt unsafe like that lol #'what if someone is conceal carrying' well first off just check the law of the state ur in #but usually u cant bring a gun into disney or something so lmao