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#my chest and throat hurt
sga-owns-my-soul · 5 months
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i love waking up at 4am crying bc i'm having an existential crisis about my life
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moeblob · 4 months
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im still very sick and lets just say it aint goin well.
(please let me be healthy soon)
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konigsblog · 2 months
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ORLA
HELLOO
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faofinn · 6 months
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No. 17 "You're the lump in my throat and the knot in my chest."
@whumptober-archive
Collar | Touch Aversion | "Leave me alone."
Finn had found himself in ICU, waking up to plastic in his mouth, confused and disoriented. Everything was fuzzy and thick, but he was grateful for the soft words and gentle touches from his family beside him. 
For a few days, he drifted in and out, too deep to do much more than occasionally squeeze the hand in his. It took a while for his limbs to finally be fully under his control, his feet fidgeting under his blankets. The more aware he became, the more agitated he began to be. It wasn’t unusual for him, unfortunately no stranger to ICU psychosis. It didn’t mean that it didn't hurt, though, watching the fear and distrust in Finn's eyes as they tried to comfort him.
After morning rounds, they made the decision to extubate him, already aware he'd been tubed for too long. He did well, for Finn. There was only minimal fuss while he worked out how to breathe again, only one threat of re-intubating him. 
He was grateful for the peace after, pulling his blanket close, his lion tucked close to his chest. 
He wasn't entirely sure where the others were, but he didn't really mind. After all, it was their fault he was in hospital, and they just made sure he stayed longer each time they spoke to his doctors. 
Fao was sat with him, as he always was when he got the chance. He hated the thought of his brother being alone, even when he was sedated and on intensive care. They’d finally extubated him, which as a relief, Finn deciding he’d breathe on his own after some fuss. Now they just had to wait for him to become more aware again, and hope he coped. He looked comfortable, blankets drawn around him, lion against his chest, and Fao was relieved. He always worried about his brother being uncomfortable or in pain.  
It was early afternoon when Finn stirred again, stretching out with a frustrated groan. His feet fidgeted uncomfortably, and when he finally opened his eyes, he was met with a stranger in the chair next to him. He scowled at him, but his words weren't working.
Fao lifted his head from what he was reading as Finn stirred, a scowl on his face. “Hey, Finn. You okay? Pain?”
He didn't answer, but his gaze didn't shift from Fao's. His fingers tightened on his lion, an old habit that he couldn't shake.
“It’s okay.” He soothed, recognising the look in Finn’s eyes. “You’re in ICU, it’s a bit confusing, waking up and all. Are you in pain?”
Finn instinctively tried pushing himself away from him, wincing as his entire body protested. He shook his head, hoping if he answered the man would leave.
Finn’s wince contradicted the shake of his head, and Fao frowned. “It’s okay if you are. We can get you some meds to help.”
With narrowed eyes, he nodded slowly. Maybe that wouldn't be the worst idea.
“Just need your buzzer for the nurse.” Fao murmured, standing up to look for it. 
Fear flashed across his face, pulling away with a gasp. "No."
“I’m not going to hurt you, Finn.”
His panic only worsened the uncomfortable scratch in his throat, setting him off coughing. His chest heaved, but he couldn't catch his breath, each one burning and adding to the panic.
“Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay.” Fao reassured, moving closer to put a hand on Finn’s back gently. “Here, sit forward, I’ll help. You’ll feel better.”
Finn flinched from him, overbalancing on the bed. "Get off!"
Fao recoiled, pulling back. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you, Finn.”
"Get away!" His voice was raw. "Leave me alone!"
“It’s me Finn, it’s Fao. You’re safe.”
That didn't seem to matter. "Get away!"
Fao backed away, palms raised in surrender. “I’m not going to touch you, it’s okay.”
The commotion had sent nurses running to Finn's bay, clearly confused. "What's going on?"
Finn didn't take well to the new additions, all too aware he was trapped by the number of wires and tubes attached to him. His fingers grabbed at the cannula in his arm, pulling hard. Blood welled up at the wound, but he didn't care, pulling at the leads on his chest. 
“Shit.” Fao muttered. He’d pushed too hard, figured Finn’s issue had been just confusion and not a complete lack of recognition, but it was obvious now. “He’s confused, didn’t recognise me at all. You’re scaring him, there’s too many people here.” 
“We need to make sure he’s okay.”
“I know, but look, he’s terrified.” Fao pointed out. “Finn? It’s okay, I know you’re scared. You’re bleeding. Let me help you, yeah? Let’s stop the bleeding, you’re okay.”
"Go away!" Bloody hands fought against Fao's, trying to get off the bed as tears blurred his vision. "Leave me alone!"
"Can we get some diazepam drawn up? It'll have to be IM, yeah." The doctor spoke to the nurses by him. "And bring the crash cart just in case we need to intubate again."
“You’re okay Finn, you’re okay.” Fao tried desperately to reassure. “We’re not here to hurt you.”
Finn screamed and kicked as he was held down, fighting against everyone. He begged for someone to help, but couldn't seem to grasp that they were all trying. 
“Finn, it’s okay, just relax, you’re okay. We’re helping.”
"Have we got that sedation yet?"
“Just here.” One of the nurses said, handing it to the doctor. 
"Thank you. Can we hold him down? I don't fancy stabbing myself."
It broke Fao’s heart, his stomach twisting as they moved to hold his brother down as he screamed and thrashed. 
"You're okay, Finn. Relax, just a sharp scratch. It's just helping, okay? We'll get you sorted." He was quick to inject it, and quicker to discard the needle. "Just relax."
It didn't take long for it to start to work, even IM. Everything started to feel heavy, the nurses and … others holding him down swimming in his vision. He couldn't figure out what was going on, and though they were talking to him, he couldn't for the life of him work out what they were saying. 
He groaned, turning his head with a frown as there was another sharp scratch on his wrist, blinking at them in confusion as they flushed and secured a new cannula. He must have drifted a moment too, everyone suddenly in different places, someone clipping the leads back into place. Finn gave an unimpressed huff, attempting to bat at them in an attempt to show his displeasure. It was too difficult to focus on, and he found himself slipping once again, his stomach flipping as he jerked awake to someone placing a mask over his face. It didn’t last long, and he was soon gone again, unable to fight it. 
It was a relief as he settled, finally stopping fighting. It wasn’t good for him or anyone else to fight like that, and Fao could take a moment to wash the blood off of his hands from where he’d tried to help his brother. It never got easier, the not being recognised, though thankfully it was a rarity. Finn normally recognised him above most other things, but sometimes his brain played tricks on him and there was nothing they could do about it. 
Soon though, Finn decided to make more work for everyone. When was he ever straight forward? His breathing slowed and then stopped, the machines fussing and alarming as his sats sank, and the doctor ended up making the decision to intubate again. Hopefully it would only be very short term, but he needed it. Fao stood by anxiously, after having politely declined to leave the room, and it was a relief when they finally got him intubated and back on the vent. It wasn’t what anyone wanted, but it was what Finn needed. Hopefully it wouldn’t be for long. The room began to empty out and he sank back into the chair by the bed, completely drained.
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Why? Why did we have to lose Remus so soon after losing Loki? And Jack? We've lost three good good boys in 4 years.
My heart hurts so fucking much. I know my parents did the right thing tonight but I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye 😭
I hope he's no longer suffering. I hope he's at peace.... We knew from the day we adopted him that we would likely lose him early -- he'd always been a sick boy. It's why my dad adopted him after we lost Loki. And we gave him as much love as we could in the time that we had with him. So much love. In those 3 years he was the MOST loved boy.
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Goodbye, bud. You were the silliest, stinkiest, most ridiculous and loved of cats. We're gonna miss you so much 😭💛
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smewduck · 4 months
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first 2024 Night art she’s arson. ing. (what even is the word for that.) like she deserves
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blueberrybanee · 10 months
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It's 11:50 pm and 10 mins ago, me & two other friends just finished a discord call where we (very out of sync btw) sang along to Careless Whisper by George Michael, Hands Up! By 6arelyhuman & Down To The Bone by JT Music after watching Across The Spiderverse. ??? I think we're insane
@linminty @white-knight7255 sorry for laughing my ass off loud as fuck in your ears over monkey gifs and my terrible misspellings, making fun of Miguel O'Hara running, screaming like a chained demon over the movie cliffhanger, randomly fucking dying over literally nothing & eating and drinking very loudly 💙
(@twixedworlds wish you could've been there but on the other hand maybe it's good you didn't get yer eardrums blown out by me💙)
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whirling-fangs · 5 months
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[[ powerup found dead on the floor cause of death aneurysm :(
I have a job interview tomorrow and i'm a nervous wreck hahaha. hopefully after that's over I can relax a little and finally write again. thank you everyone for your patience i really hope I'll find the motivation again ♥ ]]
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4townn · 7 months
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someone save me ive been absent for 2 days
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dragoninahumancostume · 3 months
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My dad jokingly called me fat and my mom told him that she'd kill him if I become anorexic and he told her that I couldn't be because I had to choose only one mental problem and I couldn't have them all, and I asked which problem I chose, and I thought he was talking abt depression, and he said issues with my parents. He fucking knows what he's doing and he's having fun with it, apparently. Why. Literally what's so fun on messing with your child's mental health. What's so fun on yelling at them for making a mistake or not understanding something. What's so fun on making them feel like the worst person ever if they don't help you with the garden. What's so fun on making them scared of making a mistake or doing something wrong because they'll get hit, even if it's always been a simple small flick on the shoulder or forehead. What's so fun on making them insecure and afraid of answering anything because it's always wrong. What's so fun on not letting them ask for help because you can't explain things in a different way without raising your voice. What's so fun on belittling their fears. What's so fun on making them feel bad for wanting affection because if they ask for one too many hugs a day there must be something wrong.
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chodzacaparodia · 11 days
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Dam, I've known for a long time that I'm not made for the world of sports anime, but it turns out to be even more clear when I literally split my lungs out after a short run to catch the bus.
I couldn't even make it through the first episode.
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bibuddie · 15 days
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had to use my inhaler for the first time in months earlier due to a completely avoidable set of circumstances
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angryscreeching · 26 days
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oh my god fighting for my life
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devilbrakers · 4 months
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Euuughhhhshfhsgxgvaghfjajkchsfeuficn...
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no-1bitch · 2 months
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guys this head cold is kicking my ass. me and this cold are fighting and it is winning
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rippedstitches · 10 months
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My stress dreams have been so bad I’m sick of this
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