#i never even got to say goodbye to her.

[scattered-winter]

.

#the worst part about all this is that i Literally saw her 2 weeks ago. we didnt have time to talk we just said hi and went our separate ways #i never even got to say goodbye to her. #and i didnt even know i needed to because this was all so fucking sudden. she was my age. healthy. etc #life is really fucking fragile huh. like it can be gone just like that. #im sorry im just. #i was super close with her mom too and i want to idk. text her or something. but what the fuck can i even say?? #and my other friends in that friend group are all unavailable rn for one reason or another #like. no contact in another country kind of unavailable #so im just. do they even know. has anyone told them. or will they find out when they come back. #i still cant even wrap my head around it tbh. its just. she was alive this morning. she was alive. this morning. #hh. anyway. #i called my sister and cried to her a little bit which was nice. but fuck i really really wish i could hug her right now #or cuddle my dog. literally anything. #im going to be such a fucking mess tomorrow oh my god #i dont even want to go to sleep tonight because if i see her in my dreams im going to fucking lose it #i dont know. i dont fucking know. #winter speaks #personal #tw death #grief tag #<- i fucking guess. i might be venting more in the next few weeks so ill at least make it easy to blacklist

[lavampira]

I saw you in a dream, then it came to an end I wonder if you’ll come and visit me again

#stumbles out of gpose covered in blood. anyway. #i have been CONSUMED by the idea of alia lingering where minfi stopped the flood to try to feel close to her one last time #because she never got to say goodbye. not really. #but minfi has been her hope since ARR and needing her strength one more time to face the lightwardens knowing the light is killing her #and the love they had is always there even if alia has mourned her and fallen in love with sid #IDK IDK cringe is dead and we are free #now everyone listen to the japanese house and cry with me #dani plays ffxiv #game: ffxiv #oc: d'alia liveq #ch: minfilia warde #alia/minfilia #shadowbringers spoilers #gposers #ffxiv gpose #wolfilia #wol x minfilia #minfilia warde

[stealthnoodle]

Baldur's Gate 3 is still letting me do things, and with my strategy of playing this game during all of my free time to distract from December, I have done things all the way to the end of it! And immediately am starting a new game, because of course I am.

Let's get this tragedy out of the way first and then go into spoilers:

Presented with the option to give Mother the MacGuffin, Miette naturally refused. Listen. She got Wyll out of his pact. She stopped a big ol' vampiric ascension and turned hundreds of vampire spawn loose in the Underdark. She killed a devil who had been harassing her all game and stole all his stuff. No one tells her she can't do something, especially not Mother.

(Also she didn't drag that fancy magic hammer out of Hell for nothing, and Lae'zel was her cherished fuck-buddy for like four whole days, so no. Mother cannot eat Orpheus.)

Which means I got the Patricia Lockwood heel-turn. Then Orpheus called Miette out for fucking a mindflayer (in front of all her friends, who had magically forgotten about that), which was rude, but she still turned into a mindflayer herself partially so he wouldn't have to but mostly so she could be the tall one.

SIZE MEDIUM, BITCHES. Now Miette is the one who opens the cupboards and the cans! Now Miette is the one who kicks YOUR body like the football! (During that final battle, it was actually Karlach who kicked mindflayers off the edge of the brainship, but close enough, shhh.)

I would like to stress that Miette consumed zero tadpoles prior to this, because Mother told her to and she doesn't obey Mother. "Embrace Your Potential" has languished in the quest log. We just went zero to eldritch horror in a snap. Like damn, I could have had these abilities all along??

The only downside, as far as Miette is concerned, is that she can't wear the jutilated jarapace anymore. :( A tragedy second only to the Karlach situation. (Well, not second to the entire Karlach situation, because her breakdown after killing Gortash made me fucking cry.)

Then I ran into the consequences of making everyone prance around camp in sexy underwear combined with my decision to yoink Halsin's armor without replacing it with anything:

He showed up like this AGAIN in the background of the ending during a very emotional Karlach moment, too:

idk if it's a bug or intentional that the ending skipped ahead without any more character interactions after Miette decided to relocate to Avernus with ex-bf Wyll and never-gf Karlach, but I want to believe everyone just wanted to wrap things up after this.

The reunion epilogue was very sweet and I had to spend three (3) points of inspiration not to freak out and eat Shadowheart's brain, which feels like a very Miette sendoff. Though not as much of a Miette sendoff as me stubbornly trying to change her clothes for five straight minutes because why can't she wear her sexy lingerie anymore.

The moral of the story is that mindflayers deserve fashion rights.

Speaking of fashion rights, I want to find out what this "Dark Urge" origin is, and I made the perfect woman for the job:

For her Guardian, I hit "Randomize" once and got this. The game knows what I'm doing and it is enabling me

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #stealthnoodle plays bg3 #bg3 spoilers #and now: miette's apology tour #sorry i broke up with you and then got your dad killed wyll #sorry i banged you and then ran off to hell without even saying goodbye halsin #sorry i never got your approval above neutral astarion #(it was the clown incident wasn't it) #sorry i killed your sister hope #(she was level 5 and wouldn't stay out of my aoe spells) #sorry to the npcs who died because i didn't realize i needed to complete some quests in a timely fashion #sorry to the real patricia lockwood for dragging her name into this mess #not sorry to the in-game one #mother had it coming #this randomized guardian looks eerily similar to my first da:o warden #who was even more of a force of chaos than miette

[etherea1ity]

.

#thinking ab my ex best friend #nothing happened...we just grew apart #she moved abroad for uni so we just haven't really been talking for a long time #we never even got to say goodbye properly bc i started uni before her and i was busy with finals when she left #i feel so guilty for not saying goodbye to her properly #i have new friends from uni #they call me their best friend and all that #but im unable to give them the title of best friend bc #it's somehow still reserved for my ex bsf #even after all this time #i just can't give up that spot yet #anyways #3am thoughts 😄👍 #personal

[mxwhore]

patron saint of being hot

and a lot of skill and really interesting anecdotes about your life and having professors that give me second hand anxiety bc they seem kinda awful and mean. But mainly just being hot

ty! admittedly my professors are not that bad, ive only had one bad professor that was more incompetent that awful. if you want another anecdote, ill tell you about the only teacher i truly despise to this day (on the tags, cuz its a very dark story)

ask gamerino

#i retook that course with a different professor and passed expectacularly. now for the horrendous teacher #on this story we have vomiting injuries and attempted suicide so watch out #in my last two years of our highschool equivalent i had PE with a teacher that loved to play favorites #if u were on a sport team you were immediately given special treatment and as you might already tell i wasnt. i hate ball sports #i loved exercising but i dreaded PE because of her #i have a condition that made my periods incredibly painful and meself anemic so those weeks were hellish #even though i was a good student she would NEVER let me sit out the navette test. even with a doctors note #i would do my best and then literally go vomit and pass out in the bathroom cuz if i did it on the court i would be berated #that wasnt enough to earn my absolute hatred tho. we now move to the worst day of my life to this day #it was just getting to school from lunch (we could go home and have it there) and i had PE #when i get a text #it was my best friend being cryptic thanking me for being a friend and saying goodbyes #he was going to commit suicide #i absolutely lost my shit as one does and went on a rampage #i couldnt get in contact with anyone (his ex stepdad was abusive and isolated his family) and they didnt let me get out of school #i was desperate and my friends were trying to help me but i didnt know what to do. i called my mom and she called his school and then i just #sat and waited with a friend. while the other classmates did the navette test #the minutes passed. i got message from my bffs number and it was his mom telling me she found him just in time #i broke then. i started sobbing and screaming and scratching my arms and my friend held me and tried to keep me from hurting myself #some other classmates came concerned and tried to help #then the teacher came. she just looked at one of the volleyball girlies who shrugged #she didnt ask if i was ok or if i needed to call someone or go somewhere. she just asked if i planning to do the test #i said no and she left and i kept crying #when i felt stable enough i went to see what had happened and she just failed me. i couldnt give the test any other day and that was that #she simply didnt care #i had to calm myself down while writing this. its no use getting emotional over a teacher that didnt care #but i hate her. she made the worst day of my life worse and she doesnt know and doesnt care #that memory fuels me to never surrender to indifference and make the pain in this world worse #my bff got help he needed after that and our bond is stronger than ever. he never pulled something like that again #thats the story! not gonna tag this babes

[shedwarf]

if i had a nickel for every time my pet was lost or died due to my father's negligence i would have two nickels

#lol he made Indy sleep outside in the backyard bc muh dogs are supposed to sleep outside and he dug under the fence to visit another dog bc #he was fucking LONELY and he got hit by a car and died. and I wasn't even there to say goodbye I was in a different state #*not just sleep outside but completely live outside #and then he got a new dog that my stepmom wanted and he gets to live inside. #and then Olive went missing bc they had just moved to a new state and the environment was unfamiliar so ofc she got lost. but who cares yeah #just let her wander outside. and I had kept asking him to let me take her bc she is MY CAT. and he refused. and now ill never see her again

[perenlop]

pokeani moments that exist purely to make Me miserable:

the line where they call ash's oshawott a throwaway pokemon in the unova league so they're just flat out saying they think it's a worthless pokemon

to thine own pokemon be true (extra angst points for me bc ambipom was my second favorite on the team at the time)

the granddaughter of the guy who trains gliscor calling gliscor pathetic and weak to her face despite gliscor being an extremely sensitive pokemon

pretty much everything about that gible

blue episode (favorite color but they made it a fetish somehow and also dewott and brionne and meowstic are all there and its so bad)

boxing heracross immediately. also that battle frontier episode where it's literally the only returning ash mon (barring torkoal i think but i dont count it bc its native to AG) to get humiliated onscreen

pidgeot returning but gliscor didn't even show up in the miniseries despite being an Actual Character

#sorry ik i keep bringing up the throwaway line but like. its SOOOOOOOOOO bad holy shit #the heracross one isnt aaaaaas bad tbf bc they really make up for it in the sinnoh league #but aside from one ep in the miniseries we never quite get an episode where oshawott proves itself in a battle #i still love that episode bc it still kinda feels like an apology for all the oshawott bashing in bw but i am a little :/ #that battling didnt even come up once #ive kiiinda eased up on gliscors benching episode bc at the end of the day it isssss pretty good to her. also its the best animated one #but its treatment like what i mentioned that still really drags it down to me #and also like. i know ppl praise gliscor being so powerful after the episode but i really dont get why we couldnt have just #had a gliscor training arc onscreen. but ig we wouldnt have that stupid ass gible plot that went nowhere now would we #but like.... we had such a huge stretch between that episode and the league. i really dont get why we couldnt have had a mini arc #where gliscor realizes shes not pulling her weight that well and really starts hauling ass #she doesnt really even sweep in the paul fight. she gets beaten immediately by ninjask #the drapion part was awesome tho yayyyy #but my point is that it wouldnt really change much if gliscor just stayed and got stronger on its own #have the bench episode be a wake up call for gliscor rather than a goodbye one and she becomes super competent #like im not just saying this bc gliscor is my favorite character in the entire show. i feel like its straight up kinda lazy and less reward #rewarding #imagine how the drapion fight could be EVEN MORE cathartic if we saw gliscor struggle and fight to get better throughout the show #as much as i like that specific battle and ash vs paul as a whole... it just kinda proves my point that sending gliscor away at all #was kind of a shitty move #like ohhhhh ash's team is all getting revenge for lake acuity yay!!!!! oh one of them was kicked off for the sake of a shitty gible plot th #which really only served to make shitty piplup bashing jokes and only actually had a conclusion in the league itself #by which time it was too late to actually do anything else with it. yeah we kicked someone off for that. but shes back now!!! #like it doesnt weaken the battle THAT much. in fact theres some value in how ash went out of his way to make sure gliscor could be there #so her defeat could also be avenged. and its still my fave battle in the whole anime. but it just proves to me how pointless that was reall #echoed voice

[itissadbutitsmy-artblog]

*pushes "Ask Me About Snails AU" button*

How's the boy coping with the fact his sister is gone into a dimension he most likely doesn't even know about. Sunset went into the mirror when he was - what, 10? 5? (<- bad at pony ages), - so that's bound to hurt, unless she tampered with his memories beforehand; or she went before he could even remember her

Don't even get me started on how well Sunset is dealing with the fact her Human Bro isn't her Actual Bro. Well, he kinda is, but not, and it's such dissonance source. Nice fake memories to nod along to here, Sunset

VIBRATIN.G . you are speaking my language.

so this is unfortunately a au(?) ive been gently nursing since i was a babychild fixating on mlp.

long story short he is certain shes fine even though everyone is telling him she is probably dead (he knew she was scary powerful. she was celestia's personal student, for, uh, celestia's sake!). celestia is annoyingly cryptic about the whole thing (she knows sunset went into another dimension of course but all she will tell her poor family is ohhh shes uhhhh not with us anymore. to avoid any normies going THERES ANOTHER DIMENSION? so everyone just thinks she died or something ): except snails who KNOWS BETTER. (and snips who maybe half believes him, and kind of thinks he's just in denial, but what does he know? they were both Infants when she disappeared).)

snails tracks down and recruits a very bitter trixie to go figure out wtf happened (i made this au before trixie became a main character) and they tear spacetime asunder and blast celestia's influence into the ground together

#NICE FAKE MEMORIES TO NOD ALONG TO THERE SUNSET. #what IIIIII wanna know and never got an answer to (did the eqg series ever touch on this????) is where is eqg's original sunset #did it have one?? #i dont think i fleshed out poor eqg snails much back then. he is so sweet. doesnt know what hit him. #his sister turned him into a god. and for what. wheres his real sister. #she tells him after the whole thing. and he accepts it but damn he lays in bed and kinda stares at the ceiling. a lot. #she misses her tiny little brother he was jsut a tiny little colt didnt even have his cutie mark when she left #she did NOT say goodbye either just sent him a letter like hey dude if i disappeared one day youd know i was doing cool magic shit right #like two months prior. the second she heard about the mirror. and he was like yeah right on. then she left. #i was gonna draw smth to go along with this but i just #explodes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #couldnt mush my emotions into a single image #sleeper agent baby fixation reawoken cringe plot lines and everyhting intact #not art #eqg #asks #specialshinytrinkets

[quickhacked]

LRB MAKING ME INSAAAANEEEEEE

#personal #LISTEN. LISTEEENNNNN #hektor and blackburn never really got together. they loved each other so but never got the chance #and hektor DIED. he's DEAD. GONE. and blackburn didn't even get the chance to say goodbye #hektor literally walked into the ocean and turned into seafoam btw. i know i keep telling you but ouehehghfb it's so. oouuouououo #the waves know our secrets... of course they do. the tidemother took hektor with her she knows everything about him #but i only asked for you... blackburn wants hektor back so bad and it's d&d so it's entirely possible #but that would not be hektor anymore. i am fucking running on the walls

[imageofvoid]

Every time I see a dollhouse I’m reminded that my grandmother on my fathers side had a beautiful dollhouse she maintained for me and was constantly buying new items and sending me pictures and was there for me when I visited her and when she passed away my father simply got rid of it

#she kept it for me bc we lived in different countries lol. and how my father despite having money for it did not buy us tickets #to attend her funeral. so I actually never got to say goodbye. the first time I went to England after like 10+years I thought about #visiting her grave but I actually don’t even know where it was. bc my father never gave any information and vanished after my grandma died #like literally he was only a somewhat ‘present’ father while my grandma was alive and pushed him to like. visit and call and help #and then when I was like 22 he shows up again expecting all to be good. LMAO. #anyway. I am never seeing him again 👍 I don’t think I would be able to recognise him if I saw him and that feels like peace

[anothermonikan]

Have I told you guys about the fucked up dreams I've been having recently? I've been having some fucked up dreams lately. yeah <3

#sorry this is mostly about a dream I had yesterday and if I just say it it's gonna sound so creepypasta-y #like I have a lot of creepypasta-y dreams it's just how my dreams have always worked hehe #It wasn't fucked up because it was scary or anything it was fucked up because of how I felt in it #how to describe it...like I was like almost too calm and accepting of my fate #like okay previous dream context (whether this was context from another actual dream or just. lore my brain made up idk) #I got sentenced to execution. It's...really hard to describe the context without it sounding really silly. #like it was a part of some sick game that a person planned out and it all ended in a white maze room #I was told I could either choose to go free from a month and then be collected for execution or be trapped in the room forever but alive #and I chose to be executed. everyone knew. we all even had silly inside jokes about it ehe #like my friends were picking music out for it. it was really silly hehe! #but the person who came to collect me for execution was so striking. she was like. almost literally a doll #A big doll!! Like she was so so tall!! she actually shrank to be more my size as the dream went on. she was strikingly pretty #and kind. she was so kind #we walked around and said goodbye to everyone. she made friendly conversation. she guided me through how everything was going to go #god the tenderness of it all makes me sqee a lil aha. a little fucked up I think #it was self-inflicted you see. Rose bushes over a tall fence. that's why she was so tall. to help me over #I caught on pretty quickly that she was a person who decided to stay in the room instead of being executed #that's what becomes of them. they become subservient to the game master. they're made to collect the ones who chose to leave and die later #she told me that deep down she kinda wished that doing this for him would convince him to make her human again and to let her be free #I told her that it was bullshit and that he'd never do that. and she was like. yeah. but a girl can dream right? #another one of those dreams that have lines that stick out in my head as well...okay one of them was just really funny #'Hey guys' 'I'm being executed today :D' 'oh. okay!' #dhdhdh #'It's scary isn't it?' 'yeah. it is' 'Well. It'll all be over soon' #like gwah. gwahhhh #'There is something wrong inside of you' levels of impact on my psyche I reckon #me and the doll girl kissed a few times. it was weirdly quite natural. nothing intensive #but I think we both had an understanding that we weren't seeing eachother again and we cared about eachother #it was so greatly platonic and nice. yearning for something I will never experience aha ^^; #Idk if I even want to be in any sort of QPR but it was definitely nice in this dream

[skiitter]

There is something succinctly painful about carrying around the hopes and dreams of your mother. She was a girl, once, and you look back at photos of her and you see the hope and you know where it leads, how it lies. There’s just something about moms and how daughters are often doomed to carry the girl of their youth around, wanting only to give her what she will never, ever have.

#I dream of being rich so that I can by my mom a house and a nurse and a chance at a peaceful end #she’ll die living in an RV older than her only child and I will probably never get to say goodbye #it’s hard being nearly the age my mom was when she had me and feeling that endless sense of time stretch outward #she was 32 and I’m four months shy of that #idk #it’s hard being an only child to the only daughter who never got an ounce of what she wanted out of life #bojack said it best in that: #you inhereit your parents trauma even if you don’t understand it

[1ovestay]

won’t lie, experiencing some horrors

#just cried uncontrollably for like 20 mins #cried like 3 times yesterday too #i have no energy for like anything rn.. went to buy new glasses today tried on 15 pairs hated them all and then went back to my car #and cried because i really need new glasses since i fucked up my current pair and they don’t sit right now and dig into my face #tw death . my grandma passed away while i was flying home from canada #and it sucks because everyone got to be with her and say goodbye but i didn’t #and there’s a viewing tomorrow and my dad thinks i should go since it will be my last chance to see her but i don’t want to #i get that it’s a healing way to say goodbye for some people but i don’t want to see my oma lifeless #i know i’ll never get to see her again and that fucking sucks but she’s gone and i don’t want to see her like that #plus i have work and i already called in sick 2 days i don’t want to leave them short again even if it’s understandable #anyway the funeral is on tuesday at least i have the day off already and don’t have to worry about work #everything sucks soooooo fucking bad rn i won’t lie i’m not doing too great #and i miss el so much like i would kill to be able to hug my gf right now #their mom sent me a video today of them laying on the couch with their parents cat cuz they visited for father’s day #and i’ve cried twice while watching it… #argh. anyway. going to go watch a silly little video of some sort and maybe sleep early cause i haven’t been sleeping well #it’ll be ok 🧡 #p

[everysongineverykey]

"this was always going to happen" this. "she's been dead since the beginning" that. narrative inevitability and deaths that cannot be avoided once the story is in motion are great, but lately i've been thinking about television, and specifically the way that sometimes, the ongoing format of the medium creates deaths that weren't always going to happen, that were never planned by the writers, but that happen anyway, suddenly, completely out of the blue, sometimes even offscreen, because of real-world circumstances with nothing to do with the story.

an actor suddenly walks out, or decides to leave before their character's arc is planned to be completed, or dies themselves, and so their character's fate is sealed with a phone call, a resignation paper, a contract. a death in-universe that was never meant to happen, that isn't even satisfying or cathartic in any way, that happens for seemingly no reason, at least not a reason those characters will ever know.

those deaths are not fair, not even fun to watch. they don't make sense like everything else in that world. this wasn't always going to happen, but it did, and the ones who wrote the story are just as unhappy about it as the people in it who never got to say goodbye.

#idk i was thinking about cheers (shocker) #and it hit me like a brick. #diane will never understand why her dear old friend coach died suddenly of some vague illness #while she was on the other side of the world all alone and didn't even get to say goodbye. #she had no friends to talk to about it. she couldn't go to the funeral. it didn't make sense and it wasn't fair. #likewise. ds9. jadzia's friends and family will maybe never feel okay about the fact that their dear dax died horribly in front of them #when she had her whole life ahead of her #and then they won the war and ezri showed up and everyone was suddenly supposed to just get over jadzia's murder. #just like that. welp! no time to grieve! we've got a story to play out! and we now know that no matter how we try and appease it #it can kill us with no warning at any time if it feels like it!

[anthro-cat]

what will i do once my cat dies?

#we already lost one cat. they aren't dead. they just.. left one day. #i kinda miss him #he was my mom's bestest friend #its weird though. when we couldn't find him i wasn't panicked or depressed... #i felt numb. like i couldn't feel anything for him or how he got lost #even now i kinda. care less than i want to #but we have another cat. the one that has been with us all this time #what will happen to me once she dies? #once i see her body lying down with no movement? #will she leave before that happens? because i kind of hope so #seeing her die might just break my heart in two #i'd rather suddenly never see her again than say goodbye to her knowing she's gone #...maybe it'll happen soon #we haven't brought her to the vet... #my mom said she was gonna take her to the vet one day #or more like. the vet would come here (to our house) and check her #she's not ill or anything #well. i hope she isn't #sorry i watched a vid of someone telling a story of how their cat died #and got a bit anxious #i'm just scared that i won't care once my cat dies #cw animal death #cw death mention

[rivianrudolf]

I do gotta say. It kinda haunts me that I'll never know if my p. grandmother would have accepted me as her grandson or not.

#luckily my m. grandmother has been nothing short of accepting ans called me her grandson with no hesitation #in response to someone else asking who the fuck i was bc theyd never seen me at a family gathering before #that was back in 2021 and was the first time id seen anyone on either side of my blood family in YEARS #but my p. grandmother was my best and only friend for like 16 years and she died after i got kicked out #so i never really got the chance to come out to her as a gay/bi man instead of her sweet little weird grandaughter #and it haunts me so bad not knowing if she would have loved me for who i actually am #or if she would have cast me out with hatred and scorn just like my paternal sperm donor and pathetic excuse of a parent #i like to believe she would have still loved me even if she would have trouble understanding due to her dementia #bc she was genuinely a saint of a woman and i have trouble believing she would ever have an ounce of hate in her tiny body #but at the same time.... who knows #we never will #i never even got to say goodbye (but i like to think even if she hated me for being trans shed still forgive me for this) #i miss you and your stupid green shooting star every damn day bestie....