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spikedhe4rt · 2 years

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Dallas Winston x Insecure!Plus!Reader

Word Count: 1824

Insecurities is basically all I'm made of, confidence had been one of the most foreign things to me my whole life. Most of my life I've been on the bigger side per-say or what my "better" twin sister says, fat. Her name is Iyana and she's considered "the perfect girl" in my family but I don't blame them she had everything, she was skinny and beautiful unlike me which they made sure to remind me of everyday no matter what since i was only 7. "You look like a pig eating that y/n" and "Stop eating the whole table of food y/n" is what my mom and dad said to me the day of grandma funeral at the repass. It made me cry even harder because it just reminded that my grandma was the only person who didn't comment on my weight and she was gone.

Years laters , I officially turned 18 and decided to run away to the town of Tulsa to escape my family, unfortunately I carried my insecurity and built up walls that seem like they could never be torn down. I found a job at the so-called dingo. It paid pretty well and i was able to find a small house. It was a rather quiet neighborhood apart from my next-door neighbors, The Curtis's. There was Sodapop, Ponyboy, and the eldest, Darry. I'd met them couple times and they've invited over for dinner but I've always declined because i hate people watching me eat. Even tho there was only the three boys living there, they always had 4 other boy basically living there also. There was Keith "Two-bit" Matthews, Johnny Cade, Steve Randle, and the infamous Dallas Winston. I've met them multiple times also, Two was the funny one, Johnny is the shy one, Steve is the car one and Dallas is Dallas. They've always been pretty nice to me and all, asking me how I've been and occasionally flirting but I always brush it off because it's probably just for laughs.

Months later, I decided to grow a garden since nature has always been an enjoy for me. I watered my plants twice a week to keep them healthy. I woke up to find that it was one of the most hottest days in Tulsa, damn you heat waves. That meant that it was most likely for my plants to dry out which meant they needed to be watered. I put on my red floral sundress and hat to head outside.

When I was about half way done watering the garden I heard some of the boys coming down the sidewalk. I continued my business until I heard "Hey Ms.L/N" come from three boys, I turned and saw Dallas, Two-bit, and Johnny then I proceeded to reply "Hi boys." I went back to my plants and thats when i heard something strange come from the one and only Dallas Winston, "when you gonna let me fuck Ms.L/N" in a whisper that sounded almost purposely loud as hell. "What you say honey?" then he replied a loud nothing, and walked in the Curtis house. I shrugged, maybe i heard him wrong, I thought.

After weeks of playful banter and flirting, Dallas decided to ask me out, i was extremely skeptical because my weight and thought it was bet or something but he convinced me. Which is why months later were dating now. I was skeptical about dating someone like him because of who he is but he ended up having unexpected soft side to him. We decided to take things slow, which was cool at first but Im starting to get worried. Dallas started to get distant from me. Even after months of dating, we haven't had sex and it was all my fault, he tried a couple times but i just couldn't bring myself to do it, it wasn't that I wasn't attracted to Dallas or I didn't love him, I was just insecure about my body and what he would think of me.

I tried my best to ignore it but he got fed up and finally asked "are you not into me doll?" My eyes widened and I turned to him "of course I am baby, why wouldn't I be?" He shrugged and said "We haven't you know...and Im a little worried" At that point I started tear up a little "Woah woah whats wrong?" he asked with a worried look. "Im sorry I just think you'll hate what you see if we do. At that point he told me to get up and grabbed my hand. We walked to the mirror in my room and he stood behind me. He then started to drag his hands up and down my body saying things like "I love everything about you doll" "I love your thick thighs and your legs" "Your so beautiful, I want you so bad"

Everything he said made me grow wetter and all I wanted was him at this moment, nothing else.

*************SMUT WARNING*************

I turned around we began to kiss passionately for a few moments..."I think I'm ready Dally" He replied with a breathy ok and began to kiss down my neck and chest. I let out and small whimper

"Please Dally" I said

"Please what beautiful?" he asked in a seductive tone

"Please make love to me"

"Of course baby"

I shuddered as he started to pull my shirt over my head and kiss my breasts, leaving hickeys on the hot skin. He then reached down and started to fiddle with the lining of my shorts.

"Can I take these off y/n?"

"yes sir"

"holy shit say that again"

"yes sir" I repeated

Dallas leaned down and started to kiss down my stomach and thighs. I let out a small moan when he sucked a sweet spot on my thigh.

"Lay down"

I walked over to my bed and scooted up to the pillows at the top. Dallas then took off his shirt showing his bare chest and small happy trail. He walked over and pulled me to the edge. He spread my legs and ran his pointer finger over over my underwear.

"Baby you're soaked, is this all for me?"

"yes sir" I said as I moaned

He let out a low groan and kneeled down. Dallas then pulled my underwear down snd started to leave hickeys on my inner thighs.

"What are you doing Dally?"

"Thats not my name doll"

"Sorry sir"

"Now, what I'm gonna do is eat this pretty pussy, is that ok baby?"

"yes sir" I whimpered

Dallas then started to suck my clit hitting all the right spots. I let out a loud moan and started to pant. He then licked down and pushed his tongue into my hole.

"Dallas!" I moaned

"You like that baby?"

"yes yes yes"

"you gonna cum on my tongue?"

"Yes sir"

He continued to thrust his tongue inside of me. As much I love this man and didn't want him to suffocate, my thighs began clamp around his head as i came. I rode out my high and he came up with my arousal on his mouth.

"I'm so sorry baby" as the tears started to form

"Sorry for what?" he asked breathing heavily

"My thighs almost killing you" I said not knowing if i should cry or laugh.

"Would have been one of the best ways to go out" he said smirking

I giggled

"Now come here doll"

He pulled me up and started to unclip my bra letting my breasts fall. He then started to kiss all over them and suck my nipples

"Oh Dallas" I moaned

"That feel good huh?"

"Mhm" I said as i bit my lip

Dallas then stepped away to take off his pants and underwear to reveal his hard-on. I then reached to find condom but had no luck.

"Baby I don't have protection"

"I do in my drawer but I don't think we need it just yet"

"What?"

"Shh just lay down for me"

"You don't have too doll"

"Its ok I want to"

I kneeled down and wrapped my hand around his dick, starting to glide it up and down. He let out a low moan. I then took his tip in my mouth running my tongue along the slit and sucking. I then lowered my head to take him fully, lips and nose touching the base. He bucked his hips up making me gag a little.

"Yes take me down your throat baby"

"You love this dick don't you"

"yes dally"

"can I fuck your pretty mouth baby?"

"Yes"

He then lightly tugged my hair to make take his dick fully down my throat. Dallas began to thrust roughly into my mouth. He let out the most low groan and moans. He then said...

"Where do you want it?"

"Down my throat Dallas please"

Dallas then continued his thrusts in my mouth. After a couple moments, i felt him twitch in my mouth and then I felt him cum down my throat.

"That was amazing doll"

"Thank you dally"

Dallas pulled me up from my knees and pushed me face first onto the bed. He then pulled my ass up so that I was arching. He began to rub his tip against my clit down to my whole mixing his precum with my arousal.

"you ready for this dick y/n"

"Yes Dallas!"

"say it baby"

"I'm ready for your dick" I said voice muffled by the bedding.

Dallas reached for the condom, ripping it open with his teeth. He then slowly slipped into my pussy, we both moan in pleasure as he starts to thrust slowly.

"Dallas!"

"You like that?"

"Yes harder please" I moaned in response

Dallas started to thrust hard into me as he moaned. I felt like I was in heaven with the pleasure I was receiving. My eyes started to droop and i start to drool a little. I felt like i was on cloud nine, clenching around Dallas with almost every thrust.

"You going dumb already babydoll?"

"Mhm"

"You gonna cum all over me?"

"yes dally" i spoke lowly

He then reached forward to rub my clit in fast and harsh circular motions. I cried out in massive pleasure. My legs began to shake and I clenched hard as I came, I rode out my high as Dallas's was approaching. He continued his thrusts as I started to feel that overstimulated feeling. He slowed his thrusts as they became sloppier and he came into the condom. He pulled out and disposed of the condom, then flopping onto the bed.

"Hows that for a first time doll?"

"You were so good Dallas" I said out of breath.

"That was all you baby, you were such a good girl"

"I love you Dallas"

"I love you too doll"

[THE END]

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#dallas winston #dallas winston x reader #the outsiders smut #plus!reader #johnny cade #two bit mathews #steve randle #ponyboy curtis #darry curtis #sodapop curtis

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moonjxsung · 1 month

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haiiii bb✨ i hope you had the best weekend!

i’m still not sure how he managed to do that tbh, i don’t think it’s too easy to achieve😅 so momo is prob safe from that. wasabi is an orange cat, we can’t expect much from him in the braincell department. im glad baby momo is getting better too🫶🏻 we stan her

frfr, idk how people abandon their pets. i’m literally so attached to every animal ever. i see a stray cat at a park and i’ll think of them forever and worry about them too. and people who don’t spay their cats and expect them to be outdoors are such assholes. i’ve had to spay/neuter 10+ cats due to overpopulation in the last two years and i have four more females to go (excluding my own 8 out of 9 cats). it’s insane and so so so sad. the fact that they took off the collar is so stupid too. it really sucks. i cannot comprehend.

star, idk how you do it!!! living where you live in the kpop era must be so hard😭 like, we love the exposure but my bank doesn’t. i sometimes wish i lived somewhere with a lot of kpop concerts but kinda not at the same time bc i just know i couldn’t afford most of them and i’d get the worst case of fomo. i wish you the best at your choice of concerts😂

anddd i didn’t know you stanned nct dream or itzy! follow up: which groups do you stan and who are your biases? i lovveeeee nct! i don’t really stan any ggs aside from twice and new jeans but i’d so love to listen to more so any recs would be gr8!!!

frfr ive never been confident with myself (and ik that’s like my biggest problem bc confidence is so attractive). kpop beauty standards kinda took a toll on me especially after my surgery, grad school, depression worsening etc etc. but ive learned to make delulu my solulu and be like “minho would love me even if im not pretty or skinny” and all is well (what he wouldn’t love about me is that i only eat meat when i absolutely have to bc i hate it😂). i love skincare though so if you ever need to discuss skincare im ur girl🔥 aside from kpop, plushies & cats my ocd also manifests at compulsively buying hundreds of dollars of skincare products🔥

i love you my darling bb. i hope you have the best week!! i’ve never had cheese danishes therefore im so glad i virtually tried them with you💕

-🐈‍⬛

HIIIIIIIII BBYYYY I HOPE YOU HAD THE BEST MONDAY 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

Momo is doing so much better today (she’s currently napping on my freshly washed laundry❤️) so I think it might’ve been a weather thing! Hopefully her itching doesn’t come back but I’m still gonna look into bee pollen and see if it helps :’)

I KNOW I feel so very overprotective of every cat ive ever come across and it baffles me that people are just okay with abandoning their cats like that?? Especially after YEARS of owning them!??? How 😭 I don’t even like leaving momo alone for the day (despite her having an automatic feeder and a water fountain and cameras to watch her every move) so I don’t know how people abandon a cat indefinitely 💔 it’s fr so sad to me

HONESTLY it was so much easier to save money when there weren’t so many kpop things here but now we have kpop stores at every corner with v exclusive merch and preorder benefits and concerts every MONTH I can’t save money for the life of me 😭 I SWEARRRRR I buy some useless kpop thing at least once a week it’s so bad! I’m on a buying ban right now bc I just bought jhope’s on the street merch and that is ALLLL I am letting myself buy for the foreseeable future 🫡 hopefully

I LOOOOOOVE NCT OH MY GOSHHHHH okay list of my groups & biases (I might miss a few so bear w me):

Skz: JISUNGGGGG & Felix is my bias wrecker 🫶💖

Bts: jhope!!!!!!!!! Jin is my bias wrecker!

Nct 127: Yuta & Haechan! Wreckers always change but right now probs Taeyong (enlistment era starts today😔)

Nct Dream: I literally just started getting more serious about being into them despite listening to their music for a while LOL but deffffff Renjun & Haechan! 🫶

Wayv: Xiaojun!!!!

Shinee: Onew ofcccc 👼 and Taemin is my wrecker (he’s everybody’s wrecker tbh)

Ateez: Hongjoong & Seonghwa/Yeosang wreckers!

Seventeen: Hoshi & Minghao!!

Txt: Heuningkai 🫶

G-idle: Minnie! I need to get more into them but she’s defffff my bias oh my god she’s so pretty

P1harmony: I’ve also recently been more into them. Jiung!!

The Boyz: Changmin!

Ikon: Bobby!

Blackpink: MY GIRL ROSÉ 💞

Nmixx: Jiwoo & Lily!!!

Itzy: RYUJIN.

EXO: Minseok!!!!

Twice: Dahyun!

Blitzers: Chris!!

Aespa: Winter!

I also listen to Lsrfm and New Jeans but I don’t have biases (I’m more just a casual listener) but I think that’s everyone!! I LOOOOOOVE NCT THOUGH RAHHHHHHH when I tell you I have been crying alllllll day bc of Taeyong enlistment FUCKKKK IM SO SAD 😭😭😭 did you see Mark and Haechan tried to go to his send off and missed it because their flight was rerouted?? GODDDD I’m so sad for them 😭 I brought my Ty bby to today’s coffee run I miss him already 😔💔

PLEASE kpop beauty standards hit you in the face when you least expect it frfr like I always told myself I didn’t care how I looked in comparison and all of a sudden it was like oh nvmmmm 😀 It comes and goes in waves as of now and lately I’ve been trying to work more on just liking myself as a person (and being delulu because that’s the solution to everything) and I also find that’s the best way to combat it 🫶 ALSO SKINCARE YESSSSS I will absolutely bug you for skincare recs I have the worst habit of buying skincare just for the cute packaging LMFAOOOO I need to buckle down and buy actual cute stuff 😭

I love you so much bby have the best week!!!!! Here’s today’s pc I took just for you 🫶👼 I love u!!!!!

#🐈‍⬛ anon #ask

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molthethratrenerd · 2 months

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my gender

This is gonna be a long rant abt my gender so you do have to read it. I just need to say it.

Ok so ive been question my gender/sexuality for like 3-4 years now and i this was kinda it

Oh i'm a bi girl -> im pan girl -> lesbian -> pan she/they still a girl but queerer

Then like i was more worried about trying to figure out my sexuality right cause like i wanted to be kissed before my 16th (that didn't happen)

Then like maybe mid 2022 i started thinking about gender and i knew 2 trans people but i was kinda like no that can't be me flashforward to march 2023 i got in to will wood and i was like ‘no way i'm in anyway trans but if i could be him i would’ and i like said to myself that i just thought he was attractive?? Then the same thing happened with the character jesse st james from glee which was even weird because there was no way i would want to date him, so thats when she/they pronouns came in i put it in my bio. Then kids from my class found out and made fun of it so i changed em back to she/her.

Then since like september last year it feels like minimum weekly i’d either not be able to stop thinking abt gender or take way too many ‘what's my gender quizzes’

And like i feel its alway been in the day of my head, but its becoming more prevalent since then ive been like could i be non binary, genderfluid pintrest boards. At the beginning of the year i cut my hair again, which felt so good,.

So now somedays im having thoughts like ‘oh my fucking god why cant i drink something and be a guy’ ‘please for fucks sake’ though im nor sure id like to be a man im not 100% sure im a girl (im moving further from that). But like if there was like a magical thing i could drink do idk that would turn every inch into like robert smith between 1983-2004 id do it so quickly omg.

And like it kinda hurts that i'm not idk (and ive never felt this for any girl celebrities)

And i kinda think they are also there those thoughts but some days theyre less i thinks thats just cus im distracting myself though i dont know i could be fluid.

But i dont want to be any guy like the men in my family most of them are big i cant think of a better word then buffheads more so my dad but i could just not want to be like them i dont have a good relationship

I dont think i HATE being a girl- i don't love it i like some parts but i dont think its things exclusive to girls say cause gender norms n stuff.

I dont know if i have dysphoria because that fluctuates but im vision impaired so if i dont try and look at my body i forget some of it exists i really dont like my boobs or how clothes sit on my body think i like okay with having a cups (that i could easly hide if i wanted to i dont but that cause also be cause by the pain they cause me.

My waist i like but only because that's the part of my body thats skinnest like my body was less shapely but that skinny id be elated.

But especially o the days i think abt it more but also all the time i do wish for more masc features eg adams apple more angular face bigger hands etc etc.Voices of weird one because my voice is in mezzo soprano range my speaking voice however in chest voice is kinda low but I was self-conscious about it growing up because it made me stand out in different even though really it wasn't I think I just thought people were staring at me for no reason. I think I only like my voice when I'm singing when I'm acting because I can imagine myself playing characters who aren't me but idk but if it was lower like high baritone or tenor id be like so fucking happy.

And like i Kind of want to try dressing differently but I can't because a I don't want my family to know certain pieces of clothing would be mens Not that they have a problem with it I'm assuming they could though but they probably just want to talk about it and I would not but also like I remember one time I was at the shop called Factorie and I wanted to get the Black Parade t-shirt but it was a mens shirt and my god the amount of anxiety I had and the amount of people that I felt were staring at me I almost had a panic attack.

And like I feel like if I ever did do anything about gender irl I'd run away from everyone I know and cut of connections again not because I feel like they'd be bad about it but just I've built this thing around myself so long and I don't think I could even my queer friends like i dont know my parents I'd feel like I'd be letting them down, and like

But also so much for my childhood makes sense

Like when I was about 8 I got eczema for the first time and my first thought was ‘oh im turning into a boy… shit what am I gonna tell my parents’ which I don't even know why my brain made that jump but i hated my boobs sometimes more then others Once they got past a certain size, when I had a pixie cut and a couple people in the street would mistake me for a boy felt exposed ‘like shh don't tell’

But I was also such a girly todder/ child from like ages four Tube8 I would pride myself on being the girlest girl never wearing pants because I kind of think it was trying to win that competition but I don't know

I don't think anybody read this whole thing but if you did help me out or don't I don't care but I just needed to vent this

#gender questioning

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itsluhhhhh · 1 year

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My success story

…………………………………………………………

Backstory/about me: So I’ve never posted on here before but i wanted to share my success story cause I’m insanely proud of myself and I wanna be able to motivate people to get their desires, just an introduction my names Alesha, im 15, im Italian and Brazilian and live in Australia, I got into manifestation in 2020 when law of attraction was popular I tried that but tbh I gave up but in 2021 I started learning about the law of assumption and that’s when I really got into it, tbh in 2022 I was a lazy bitch I didn’t affirm nothing and I was really depressed but I promised myself in 2023 everything would be different. All I did was affirm and persist I literally just persisted and persisted even when i didn’t have enough energy to do anything.

Appearance

I literally manifested a huge glow up and looking like my desired self WITHIN A WEEK mind you I never wanted to look like anyone else my desired self was just me but 10x better and with a few different features and y’all I literally had a huge glow up idk how I had this big of a glow up I was not expecting it and I look exactly how I’ve always wanted to look, I manifested black 3a/3b curly hair that’s super bouncy and perfect little ringlets and so shiny 😍, I manifested like insanely clear skin like my skin looks fake an I have tanned skin naturally and my skin tone is completely even now, my lips are a lot more juicy now and smooth, my waist is tiny and my ribcage even smaller, my butt is a-lot bigger now and I’m naturally skinny so it was always harder for me to gain weight but my butt is so big 🤭 and I got those sexy ass Kendall Jenner type legs now, I manifested like perfect eyebrows, my eyebrows literally look like they were just freshly waxed and my eyebrows are so full and arched now I love them, I manifested the curliest thickest LONGEST EYELASHES omfg my eyelashes look FAKE cus of how long and thick they are I deadass had my friend ask where I got my eyelashes done, I manifested getting my braces off and having the most perfect, straight, white, healthy teeth and the prettiest smile and I manifested being insanely gorgeous and pretty

Dream Life

I literally manifested my dream life, Im popular asf now and we haven’t even started back at school yet (in Australia we start school again January 30th) so I still have a week left of my school holidays and I’m so popular now I’ve got people asking to hangout everyday even tho I decline cus i hate going out 😭 and I’m literally everyone’s favourite now, I’m the family favourite and my friends favourite and idk how to describe it my life just keeps getting better and better like my life genuinely improves in every aspect every single day, my home life is perfect like we all get along and we have the best time ever, they are so lenient and chill I’m deadass allowed to do whatever I want and I’m talking to my desired person again but I’m gonna manifest having a secret relationship with him cus i don’t want anyone knowing 🤭 I’ve got my first job and bitch I’m making BANK im making a lot of money 😫 and my life has just genuinely gotten so much fucking better

Mindset

Pretty simple, I manifested a perfect mindset, a perfect self concept, I rarely get negative thoughts anymore I’ve got a very clear mind like I can think really clearly now and I know my power cus well I literally manifested all my desires like it was nothing, I manifest anything I want instantly, I’m a master manifester etc

If I can do it u can do it too trust me Ik what it feels like to not be motivated or have enough energy to get out of bed and ik what it feels like to be anxious and depressed but it is so so worth it when u finally start living the life u deserve and it can be hard at times but as long as u persist you’ll get there it’s literally law, there’s no point moping around being a victim because no one else is gonna fix ur life and manifest ur desires for u, it’s all up-to you. Anyways I hope this post motivated you to persist for ur desires, have great 😽 love y’all 🫶🏼

#affirm #affirmations #law of assumption #loassumption #manifestation #manifesting #neville goddard #self concept #success story

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gufaspins · 10 months

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So.. this is just a "Heads-up" for any new follower here, okay?

First of all, Hello! Im Gufaspins, but my friends call me Gufa / Alex (Alex is a name I chose for myself when I was younger, yet is not my real name. I dont think you could pronounce my real name so Alex is good) I'm a 23 years old chilean hobbyist artist ^^ My birthday is the 25th of August

All my social media can be found here

Anyways, uh.. Im genderfluid and I go by any pronouns tbh, Im GynoAce and.. well.. I love cats (?)

Im autistic, and have CPTSD just so you know .w.

I wont tolerate any kind of hate or stuff, okay? Please, I have enough with life, dont make my safezone another hell.

I am not in multiple fandoms as a whole, I just draw what I want to in the moment, BUT I am a huge fan of Undertale and I love RTgame videos (funnily enough. I love his jokes, I love how he absolutely hates Sans xD I understand that not everyone likes it, and I know most of that hate comes from harrassment, so its totally understandable uwu I still like the game. And I think RT is an amazing content creator. Love the guy. Love Dad) so most of my content will be revolving around those themes. ^^

Also all my art is on the hashtag "gufa art"

Rambles are under the hashtag "gufa rambles"

I wasnt gonna like, introduce myself in this post, I was actually going to warn you all .w.

So.. tumblr was my safe zone when I was younger, I used to vent so so so much here, but people who followed me would get... annoyed.. yk? So! So that doesnt happen, I made a hashtag, which is "please shut up gufa"

Any post with that hashtag will have a vent so.. if you could please like, block that hashtag, I would appreciate it ^^ Im going to modify some posts as I accidentaly put it on art so.. yeah ^^

Also! Vent posts will have a random irl photo I took, just so you dont get confused as well ^^

Fun fact, the Cat of the picture is named "MichiFuss"! He is a street cat I usually see at work ^^ I bring him food and water everyday! ♡ isnt he lovely? He was so skinny ;;;

Update 10 of March 2024

I have finally found a home, and Im getting better :3 I dont have a job anymore, but I am happier and healthier, with a baby cat and my soulmate <3

(I wont post a picture of them, cause' I need his permission first)

Also I have commissions open! In case you're interested!

Thanks for supporting me through all of this <3

#introduction #important #please read #i dont want any misunderstandings later #please

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sugar-free-grape-lemonade · 1 year

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I'm so disappointed in myself I've basically gained back all the weight I lost. I'm such a fat failure

But finals are almost over which means I'll be moving back home and looking for apartments for my job (I'm graduating and moving to a different state at the end of the summer for work yay!) And while I hate being at home there's not nearly as much free food shoved in my face and there's fewer people watching me eat (I live in my sorority house so it's hard to restrict and purge bc everyone is always nearby) so I'm gonna get back on my shit esp since this is about the same time last year I started losing significant weight

I also have a specific date I want to lose the weight by, it's one of my friends' grad parties, and this guy who fucked me over is probably gonna be there so I need to look good (I am in my "fuck men and ruin their lives" era) plus I want to have good habits for when I move because I will be living alone and it's basically the start of my adult life bc im done with college and school and i have to work for the rest of my life now so might as well start it off right: skinny and with good habits for staying skinny

So basically I have 63 days to get thinner, which I will start off by buying an ungodly amount of diet coke (it is on sale at shoprite)

My plan is to eat less than 1200 cal per day bc that seemed to work really well before, obviously I can go lower than that if I feel like I can but I'm risking a binge if I restrict myself to too much lower than that

Also I think I'm going to start out with a 24 hour fast and then do 16-18 hour intermittent fasts every day

I'm under 21 so once I go back home no alcohol is really easy to do (my parents don't drink and they don't want me drinking) plus I'm thinking I'm done with college now, might as well stop binge drinking so much and just drink wine and vodka sodas, (classy corporate girl vibes and less calories than cocktails, plus better for your health tbh) but that can wait till I move, so less calories ¯\_( ツ)_/¯

Also for exercises I want to start cycle syncing once I come off the pill (since that apparently makes it harder to loose weight, plus I'm not super good at remembering to take it so i don't think it's super effective for me anyways) so I've being doing workouts with this cycle syncing app called 28, it adjusts the intensity of your workouts based on where in your menstrual cycle you are, plus it's easier for me because I don't have to make a schedule, and then I go for a walk and just make sure I hit at least 15k steps, plus I go for a run on sundays

I'm back on my shit haha I better get skinny

#just ana stuff #anamia #weightloss #weight loss #ana mia #ana workout #ana safe food #thinspø #skiny girl

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darlingpwease · 2 years

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apparently, apparently, it's scientifically confirmed that people tend to take partners identical to themselves; whether it be personality traits, interests in topics, or physical appearances. and, well, you know what this means for me

i cannot deny that the men i like have 0 ass. none!!!! kaeya was a blow to my ego and i know aki will serve the same. im sorry but darlings all bone down there-- i slap him on the ass once and my hand simply implodes. sweetheart if yer ass is gonna be this tight your pussy better be tighter than it i guess??

and i can't believe the same applies for me!!! the clap of my cheeks will not, nor ever, alert the vatican, and im still unsure on how to handle that

anyways ive waited a very long time for a man who passes the minimum threshold that wears a suit; all this talk about cat boys and dog boys and not an actual tie to substitute for a leash on the casual daily... and here we are! here we are :-)

cupcake ajshsjhdhdhd,,,,,,,, it sounds like the new "my tastes are quite specific" </3 /j

“how big is that ass” “no ass” “oh. new assless malewife.”

I always console myself that Kaeya has amazing chest because otherwise the disappointment becomes too big, he deserved to be not so flat ( #`⌂´)/┌┛

dear, finish it — Victor and Yuuta probably don't have anything either. one spends almost all the time in the lab, the second neglects food and looks too muscularly lean for his own good, like a good twink; neither has a slimthicc figure.

... honey, I'm not sure if you really want this, because if their pussy is even tighter, it will be a real problem.

if your hand implodes when you just want to slap their ass, then what happens if they are even tighter and you try to stretch at least with fingers and they suddenly squeeze because of excitement? you don't need fingers anymore?? how are you going to justify yourself to others later "why are your fingers broken"??? "pussy was too strong" or something like that? </3

darling, darling, greed has consequences, come to your senses before it's too late; you need whole fingers /hj

... of course, it's certainly worth it, but it still sounds like a very embarrassing situation.

and i can't believe the same applies for me!!! the clap of my cheeks will not, nor ever, alert the vatican, and im still unsure on how to handle that

I'm sorry, I'm very sorry, I'm very very sorry, but minus on minus gives a plus — and this explains a lot in this situation </3 /j

"the clap of my cheeks will not, nor ever, alert the vatican" sjshsjshjdhdhdhhddsjshhdd

the real problem begins if it becomes difficult for a person to sit because of the bones; while there is no such problem, I would gladly trade my figure for something thin, because I have the opposite problem — animals hate me, but if they can sit on my hips or hands and fall asleep on them, then everything is fine, as long as I don't touch them in any way, and I feel used and insulted.

listen, if I can't touch your head, then look for another soft spot, these thighs can't get at least a little less thick not so that someone ungrateful rests on them ヽ(｀⌒´メ)ノ ill-mannered tiny brats

thick enough that any guy without a nice ass can turn to me and nothing will change with me because genetics is an evil bitch apparently

therefore, any non-skinny favorite now has the same problems by the way, I don't want to be the only one

"who passes the minimum threshold" darling it sounds so dhdjdjd </33

... Did Victor wear something like a suit? It seemed to me that he had a tie and a vest...

It sounds like you've been waiting for someone you can drag by a tie like a leash, and I can't say I disapprove of that. On the other hand, I can't help but feel respect that almost every man of yours is someone with an existential crisis and elements of depression, as if you specifically choose a special breed and this delights me /ser

There's some kind of sensor inside you for guys like that, huh?

In any case, now a guy in a suit has appeared in the collection of dogboys and catboys, and that's fine, because it's really hard for me to classify him as a cat or dog — but that's why he wears a suit with a collar, isn't it? <3

#.spicy♡#[📂] — voice from under the bed #🧸.t*

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justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms · 22 days

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hii!! assuming your matchups are still open, could i get a haikyuu matchup??heres my info!!

basics: hi my name’s aki aka sticks!! im transmasc, have been since i was like, 11. i go by he/him and love men(im gay woah). i listen to vkei, punk and silly rock bands(ex. weezer). i love dogs and seals like sm i cant explain. my clothing style is kinda like..idk how to explain. i wear vampire vkeiish clotning ig. mostly dark colors. black and red<33

personality: intp-t gemini and PROUD💪💪 im very silly online but kinda introverted f2f. i take shelter in my online self a lot. i have ocd and am a BIG perfectionist and overachiever. required amount of sentences is 15? watch me do 30+. you want “just a few” artist recommendations? here have 10 with descriptions and song recs. i live off academic praise. i can switch to “straight A kid” to burnt out emo on tumblr. im def a quality time, phys touch and gifts kiddo. i crochet so like 70% of the gifts i give out are silly keychains.

appearance: im around 5’10, proud filipino but so many people say i look japanese☹️. i have light brown skin and eyebags. im kinda skinny but i play basketball and workout so im kinda like,, idk..i got arm muscles, just a lump though. i have black hair, like in the appearance above. i usually wear vkei makeup, not too much though sometimes it makes me look fem. i have fairly long eyelashes(i hate them). i dont have piercings, sadly, but i swear ill get some soon(its been 6 years since i first said “im gonna get piercings”) i also have those bayonetta glasses.

clothing style: very vkei vampirey stuff..kinda punk too but idk. i live in the philipines so layering is like throwing myself in a desert. some people call me a goth and i js stare at them like “nuh uh”.

hobbies, likes etc: as mentioned earlier, i crochet and play basketball. i also play the guitar(im really bad though). i like dogs, math and sandwiches:3 baby hamsters scare the life out of me why are they so..icky😭😭

thanks!!:p

Hi Aki! Thank you for your request! I hope you like your matchup!

In Haikyuu, I match you with...

This was a really close call between Asahi and Tanaka and honestly, I think you’d get along really well with both of them. In the end, I went with Asahi because I think your hobbies align a bit better.

Between his reputation and your aesthetic, you’ve got a reputation as the scariest couple at school. But as soon as people get to know you both, it becomes clear that you’re actually one of the sweetest couples imaginable.

Since you’re an overachiever, Asahi keeps a close eye on you to make sure you don’t get too burnt out. He worries about you sometimes and wants to make sure you’re doing okay.

Please crochet things for him! If you make clothes or keychains for him, he’ll keep them with him all the time. He loves the fact that you took the time and effort to make something for him.

I feel like Asahi is the kind of person who would like making your lunches each day. He’s got your favourite sandwiches memorised so that he can surprise you with a freshly made lunch each day.

#writing #fanfic #matchup #matchup request #request #haikyuu #asahi azumane

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jupiterseemsnice · 2 months

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oops its me again

I literally posted one thing on here then bounced apparently lol.

i fell down the rabbit hole of depression again oh man.

living with depression is so crazy because internally your telling yourself you need to get up and do things and its like your body is on vacation. I hate being the way I am. all messed up in the brain. I have good days I really do but sometimes the bad out weigh the good. which is so stupid because my life is a blip on the radar compared to a lot and I do mean a lot of other peoples struggles. And some people are literally dying right now and I'm posted up in my bed upset because of some chemical imbalance.

Now I'm not shitting on mental health because it is real I.e me, but its foreal wack. like its like an out of body experience when someone with a PHd tells me I have something wrong with me I'm like welp lol.

i just cant believe all of my life choices have led me to where I am now in life. Im 28, unemployed at the moment, No education like shit man I didn't even graduate highschool. Truthfully I wish just for one single day I can go back in time to slap the shit out of my 14 year old self and tell her to get her shit together. My school days consisted of boys and friends who weren't really my friends and gaucho pants. I'm not even kidding I am not even friends with the people I spent the entirety of my pre pubescent life with. My childhood bestfriends are just facebook friends, I cant even remember the names of the boys I used to chase around at recess. Then in highschool I was more concerned about older boys and what I was gonna wear to the school dances,which I wish the fashion in 2012 weren't so well I guess now they're an "aesthetic" vibe for kids today. Yikes.

BUT I will always hold onto my skinny jeans till the day I die lol.

finally killed off the side bangs when I was 22.

I finally took the initiative to go back to school though. signed up for classes cause 10 years out of highschool I've learned I've retained nothing except for stuff that isn't going to take me anywhere. like PEMDAS. did anyone else learn it as " please excuse my dear aunt sally"? or did I just grow up weird. even though I know what it means and can tell you what it stands for, if you put a problem Infront of me using that formula I'd look at you like a deer in the headlights.

I doubt anyone will ever read this but if by some chance you do... I cant promise its gonna get better, but you have to fight the battle more then once to win it. So keep fighting, keep loving, and never accept less then what you deserve. truly, I know trust me I know its easier said then done, but the universe needs you.

I really do be rambling on here lol.

its nice to get the internal thoughts...external? lmao.

I'm trying to find joy in the things I used to love.

I started reading again, I haven't gotten very far in the book I just got but I'm gonna get there. have been finally giving myself a proper bedroom. when I moved into my apartment the only thing I had for my room was a bed. now I got a big girl bed frame AND a new mattress oh and I replaced this giant desk I bought off market place for $30 dollars with a smaller one, more simple. and I got fairy lights for my curtains and today I bought a led salt lamp. very vibey in here. even as I'm dumping all this into endless typing I have lofi playing in the background. I hope oneday I can just breathe without a heaping pile of bullshit on my imaginary plate. fingers crossed.

I love you.<3

#mental health #blog #inner thoughts #talking #random

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blinkyblogblogbloggy · 3 months

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may 11-14, 2022

im gonna try to write about my feelings again because maybe thatll make me feel less like shit all the fucking time. i dont even understand why im so upset about this. like. i think its cuz i romanticized the shit out of him and let myself believe that he liked me and i kinda allowed myself to be vulnerable around him and that he was there when me and noah broke up so he like kinda helped me a lot that night and idk he is rly nice and maybe i was literally in love with him or still am. and maybe the problem is that i realized how shitty that i am that he couldn’t even wanna be friends with me. maybe im such a selfish manipulative bitch that even he couldnt handle it. and i thought that he liked me and maybe that made me feel good about myself. but also i felt like shit because i fucking cheated on noah basically. and he told me i deserved better and i thought he would be the better one but he had a girlfriend and that already made me feel like shit and that time we kissed it was the most pathetic thing ive ever done because it was bad. it was bad and he thinks im pathetic and idk how to stop it i think the root issue is that i think that he thinks im a pathetic stupid idiot bitch liar. and maybe i am. god i hate him but i have no right to because all ive heard is good things about him. god. what the fuck. i need to move on from this but i quite literally dont know how to do that without getting some sort of closure but also THATS SO FUCKING STUPID BECAUSE U DIDNT DO ANYTHING AND HE DOESNT OWE U ANYTHING god.

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think the main issue is that im not a good person and i hate people who are better than me and i guess that makes me even worse. like i hate cameron because she’s quite literally perfect. and it makes me fucking hate myself. shes so pretty and confident and smart and articulate and talented and she has all that i want rly. i saw her and thomas adams today and it literally made me wanna die. im never gonna have that. no matter how much i delude myself into thinking that im this nice hot smart person. no one has ever wanted me for more than a year. if that. i hate myself. i genuinely can’t think of one thing i like about myself. because im not good at school. im not good at art, i havent made a single decent thing in like half a year, i dont do anything outside of school, im ugly, and not skinny, and a liar and im not a good daughter. i hate myself. i think i like being in relationships because then the person can fall in love with some weird fake version of me and i can believe that maybe im half-decent. harry is just another example of how i cant maintain relationships that i care abt. i dont even think i have any genuine friends. im pretty sure they all dislike me severely. god. i. suck.

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im literally in love w him or smth because he’s so nice and i want him to fucking like me too i wish he did how do i get him to like me but also i want noah back because it was so much easier and i could just love him and he loved me and it wasn’t turbulent and weird. and dustin is nice but that’s abt it. i like him but that’s all there is to it and i feel bad for like asking him on a date cuz fuck. but harry is different because he doesn’t even like me lnao and i want him to like me so bad i want him to be in love with me and go out w me and be my fucking bf and it’s so stupid and pathetic but i like him sm

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impermanence of life it’s funny how i really thought we were gonna be together for a long time and how i thought i’d love him for so long not just him but seb too like i thkught she was it like that was the end and it’s so scary how blinding and deceiving and deluding it is to be in love or at least think that u are. even when i tried to be so so so overly pessimistic and realistic with noah i still rly thkught we’d be together for at least a couple years i mean im glad we didn’t cuz like then it’d be even fucking harder to get over it but yeah and i loved him i loved him so much and he made me light up and he loved me too and he also wanted to be with me and that somehow makes it even worse the fact that it’s a mutual temporary affliction jt sucks

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and like it’s so fuckinf scary how in love i was even with noah like so blindly in love or maybe it was good and i just don’t remember i wonder if there’s another universe where we’re still together . i don’t wanna be in it because i know we could both find someone who fits with us better but god it sucks when someone loves you so much and makes you feel so good but then they slip away even if they don’t want to

#2022

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bellarose-jasmine · 7 months

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#CrazyPersistent

Yes, just like what the title said, i feel like im going crazy day by day. It's been months since my last course, but all the feelings are still lingering till today. It's been like, 6 months? almost. I don't know why this time the trauma is also quite severe because when you look at it from a third point of view, it could just be easily ignored and forgotten, like if even if i think about it, what could i do to change it ? it's way too late. But everything down to the tiniest detail, i remember them and i resent them. I want vengeance. i wanna avenge myself, redeem myself. and wishing that i am the lucky one, and no matter what i am always amazing, i am always on top. But unluckily, the only last bit of thing i have is pride, and how to cleverly cover my weaknesses. Those students from my class, most of them are the exact people whom i want to meet and don't want to meet in real life.. Almost all the girls there are crazy skinny, crazy about being white, crazy about looking pretty, and money crazy. like these are the things they either show off to each other, or even some silent competition about it. The boys though admire these kind of girls. i just, I'm the opposite of those, and being almost the only one in the class that's fat, not white, not that rich, and don't really care about appearance almost at all, is just, i feel like being judged for being myself. their obsession is crazy, which cause me to get obsessed over them due to my competitive nature to not wanting to lose, to always win, to always have pride no matter what. The only thing i have was my smartness, and that's the only thing i could leverage on top of them. But being smart just means nothing, especially when everything went downhill. i just can't forgive myself, and i can't forget all the pain i felt at the time. and the person i want to confide in, my tiny bro, is not to bring up this thing again. Besides she is involved in the betrayal, no sense of sympathy really makes it hard for her to understand me. maybe after all i am a broken human who have had too much severe traumas in the past, while she is still in her child pace. I resent her friends last time, i resent them now. and i hate myself for being overly obsessed and not being able to forget. I really try my best to keep myself busy, going on with my life, but seriously, this has made me stuck in one place that i can't get out of. It's just running around inside my head, persistently not wanting to leave. This affects my emotions and my daily life too. More than once that i think about being the better version of myself (in terms of appearance and money), or i just wanted to get amnesia, or something just gonna hit me and it will be my last day. then i would be curious tho will she look for me? cry for me? will they?. ha i bet they will just fake sympathize, while they don't know they've ruined someone they shouldn't have ruined. you are definitely messing with the wrong person. God, i am tired. i want to move forward. I wanna experience a different life. I am too stressed overthinking this new scar God. I really just wanted to travel away here and there, just like some people my age are doing, not caring about work, and just live how you want and what you want. but money becomes the problem. God help me, God save me. or at least, give me a job in Singapore, employment pass.

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literally20something · 9 months

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ILFLAB - 2

so im pretty sure im depressed lol. not funny not cool not sexy not having a great time right now for sure. I've been doing these things that I keep thinking will help me feel happy and feel just more grounded and at peace but they aren't really working. I have people to talk to like my sisters but I don't know what to even say to them. I hate talking about my problems that I know don't really have sound solutions. like im hopeful that I will feel better in a few weeks and I know what I want and what has been making em so sad. but I feel like its deeper than that. I know that I want to find my people.

I keep crying and thinking about everything that I have lost and everything that I feel like im about to lose and im so scared that Im gonna feel like this forever. I don't think I am but I don't see an end to it. im scared that im not even in a position or mindset to make new friends, I don't want to keep being so scared and anxious to be around people. I know that doing my little fun hobbies and hanging out with my family will make me happy but even now I can't help but just cry all the time. I want to talk about it but I feel like it's pointless because there is nothing they can do about it and nothing I can do about it at this point except just live and work through it somehow.

Its great that I don't really feel like im floating anymore and everything is mostly clear to me now. but now I know what happening and I know what next and I feel so stagnant and like im in a box like a mime or some shit but the box is dark and foggy and brown on the inside where I am but its still made out of glass and I can see the outside and im there with people and going to these places and im putting this effort to do things with great people only to still feel so lonely and just sad.

I still feel pretty good after walking but now im scared that im gonna get too skinny but Im still gonna walk. I still like dressing up and looking pretty but the happiness from that doesn't last long. I AM GOING TO SEE BEYONCE TOMORROW. which makes me really happy I hope I don't ruin that for myself lol, Ive been looking forward to this for a literal year!

I started watching the sopranos I love it.

Its really sad for me that everything is happening at once like this. Its really sad that I hold on to this attachment to these people that continue to just let me down. Its really sad that I have to distance myself from people that make me happy because Im too attached and need the attention from them too much.

Im definitely gonna ask my therapist if im doing the right thing by just not talking to everyone for a while. or if she thinks its gonna put me in a deeper hole. I feel lonely but im also pushing everyone away idk. well actually im pushing away people that make me feel like a chore or an option.

I think im doing the right thing but its going to be really hard. I really want to be happy and feel comfortable being myself whoever that may be. I really just feel like I want to start a whole new chapter in a whole new setting with a whole in new life. still being me just in a refreshed and cleansed and unfamiliar space. That will make me feel happy.

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