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stan-joonies · 4 years

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Mine, Mine, Mine

Requested! Prompt:

26: "You're mine, i don't share,"

The girl grinned up at Sweet Pea when he threw a lazy arm carelessly around her shoulders. He was tapping something on his phone, playing with a piece of gum with his tongue. His hair curled across his tanned forehead and his towering frame covering her in warmth.

Toni rolled her eyes.

"Absolutely sickly. You're a bunch of lovesick puppies,"

She smirked.

"At least we haven't been caught licking at eachothers--"

"Woah, imma stop you there, mutt," Toni hissed, glaring up at her. She ignored it and just smirked.

"What? It's just me and you," she shoved a thumb back into her boyfriends chest. "Ever since he got the new phone he's been completely unresponsive," to prove her point, she dragged sharp nails from his chest down to his pelvis, then back up, a gesture that would usually make Sweet Pea shiver and drag her away, or at least blush. His eyes stuck glued to the screen, however, not even humming in acknowledgement .

"Bet you're regretting that purchase, aint you?"

Y/N shrugged. In all honesty, she didn't mind. Sweet Pea had originally had a flip phone, used only to take and recieve calls. Even then the only contacts was some of the serpent elders, Toni, Fangs, her and Jughead, albeit reluctantly. Sweet Pea claimed it didn't bother him, he barely used the internet anyway, but Y/N caught the longing glances Sweet Pea sent when they past electronic or apple stores. Y/N also noticed Sweet Pea's reluctance to pull out his phone infront of anyone. He always walked out the room or hid the phone, even when taking a text. So, Y/N worked hard leading up to his birthday and managed to buy him an iphone. It wasn't the newest model, but it wasn't in bad condition and it was brand new. Now, with more storage, he had flooded his phone with games and apps and pictures and videos. He was in love with that phone.

"Not really," she sighed, smiling up at him. "Love you, Pea,"

His eyes immediately broke away from the screen, blinking rapidly. He smirked, squeezing her closer and bowing his lips to the shell of her ear.

"Love you, too,"

The bell chose that moment to screech into their ears that it was time for class, with a kiss goodbye and a skip in her step, Y/N made her way to art, smiling happily.

Y/N preferred to sit near the back of the classroom because there was a window right next to her with the prettiest view. Trees and flowers swaying in the breeze, a couple leaves floating delicately down to the ground.

Today, though, someone sat in the seat next to her, which she found relatively odd. Most people tended to avoid her, terrified of her boyfriends famous temper.

When she walked up to the table, the boy smiled at her.

"You're Y/N?"

She hummed lightly, smiling back at him.

"Great! I'm Joseph, i just changed schools recently. Apparently you're the person to go to if i need help adjusting,"

Y/N inwardly sighed. At the beginning of her years at highschool, her goody-two-shoes self had sign up as a future "Hallway buddy". A job that basically allowed teachers to abandon their jobs as supervisors and shove it into the hands of willing, gullible new students.

She had tried to get out of it once she had to show a boy around, one who was more interested in picking up girls than the classrooms he needed to be in.

It was only then that the school informed her that if she wanted the extra credit, she had to continue into graduation. It was frustrating but she wasn't exactly the smartest so she needed it.

"That's me, nice to meet you," they shook hands, Joseph holding on slightly after she let go.

"Great, I'm not very socially...Im not very good with people so I'm glad you seem nice."

Y/N hummed in understanding.

"There are some annoying people you shouldn't get involved with. But I'm not gonna tell you who to and not to get involved with." She sat down next to him. "I just ask you don't believe everything you hear,"

"What? About the Serpents and the fact they're this cruel, bloodthirsty gang of emos?"

Y/N glared quickly.

"One of those serpents happens to be my boyfriend,"

Joseph tensed, straightening his back.

"Right, sorry,"

The lesson was spent in silence after that, Y/N focusing on the outside window.

When the bell announced their next lesson, she hurriedly collected her things, intent to leave before deflating.

She would have to show Joseph around either way, best get it over with.

She waited at the door, watching his glum face light up when he caught sight of her.

"Thank god," he sighed, smiling. "I was terrified I'd have to navigate the halls alone, worst fear."

She hummed, quickly manoeuvring through halls.

Joseph looked at her, tapping her meekly on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry, about what i said about the Slytherins, i just...i normally stick with the crowd,"

"First off, they're called the Serpents, and if you actually wanna make friends...maybe you shouldn't just 'stick with the crowd'."

Joseph huffed, flushing.

"Right. And sorry, i had a harry Potter marathon last night."

Her eyebrow raised at the mention of her favourite movie.

"We might become really good friends," she muttered.

When it came to Lunch, Y/N took him to the cafeteria where they got their food. When they turned around, Y/N immediately caught sight of the group of leather clad teens. She was about to go towards them but stopped when she saw Joseph's ashen face.

"Joseph?" She questioned, noticing the hands clenching fearfully at the side of his tray.

"Sorry...i just...god..." he looked away.

Y/N groaned. Joseph had yet to make friends and so it was clear he was totally uncomfortable and self concious. She felt the weight of a familiar gaze on her and she looked away from Joseph to see Sweet Pea staring at her, brow raised, earning a decisive shrug in return .

Making up her mind, she balanced her tray with one hand, considerably harder than she thought before taking hold of Joseph's sweater.

"Come with me,"

They made their way to the Serpents, some glancing at her when she brought a random into the group.

"Hey, Toni, Fangs, Jug, Pea," she smiled down at them, smiling thankfully when Fangs took her tray and placed it near Sweet Pea,whom, once again, was concentrated on his phone. She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, him humming slightly before he began to tap furiously at his phone. "This is Joseph, he's new. I was showing him around and thought it'd be nice for you all to meet him," she sat down, shoving Sweet Pea further up the table so Joseph had enough room to sit. Sweet Pea just grunted.

Joseph sat down stiffly, nodding at them all.

"Hello,"

He recieved echos of greeting. Y/N had a slight suspicion he wasn't just introverted. He seemed quite outgoing around her alone, waving his hand furiously and voice occasionally increasing past normal range. Yet as soon as they entered a classroom, all the colour he gained on his face was drained and he became unfortunately meek and cowered into himself.

"Joseph," Y/N muttered, wanting to vocalise her concerns "Do you have..."

"Social anxiety? Yeah," he laughed. "Really bad too. That's why i was so glad to be paired with you.

Sweet Pea's furious tapping stopped.

"Paired?" Toni questioned.

Joseph grinned.

"I'm paired up with her in art and we discovered we have pretty much every class together,"

Sweet Pea's eyes rose from the screen.

"It was a relief honestly! I would be completely lost otherwise!" The blonde scratched the back of his neck, a nervous habit her picked up as a child. "She practically had to lead me by the hand, i looked quite pathetic, honestly!"

Sweet Pea slid his phone into his pocket.

"I'm sure you would've of been just fine, you're a lovely boy, Joseph. People will be eating you up--"

Suddenly, a heavy weight pressed down her shoulders and she found herself squished into Sweet Pea's side, his mouth kissing the crown of her head.

"Sweet Pea?" She looked up at him, frowning at the swirl of emotions peeking out behind dark clouds of brown. The table was completely forgotten. Y/N trusted Toni to pick up the conversation from there.

"Hmm," he burried his face into her neck, taking a deep breath in, tensing when he smelt deodorant. "What? Why do you smell of mint?" He wouldn't admit he missed the flowery, sweet scent she was usually accompanied with.

"Oh! Joseph let me borrow his, turns out we have PE together too! I ran out of mine last week," she flashed a grin.

"You could've told me, i would've brought you some more. They're only cheap," he mumbled into her ear, growling when Y/N laughed lightly.

"You don't need to get Jealous, Pea. Honest. I like the tall, dark and handsome type anyway,"

His lips came brushed against her ear slowly, kissing it gently.

"You're mine, i don't share,"

"And you don't, I'm yours just like you're mine,"

Sweet Pea growled playfully, biting her neck briefly

"Who said i was yours?"

Y/N scowled, her hand coming up to rest at his throat, forcing his head down so her mouth was at his jaw. She bit lightly at the skin, a difficult task.

"I said so, big boy,"

She squeezed his throat lightly, Sweet Pea shivering, before turning back to the table, taking notice that Sweet Pea didn't reach for his phone once.

#riverdale x reader #riverdale #sweet pea #sweet pea x reader #sweet pea imagine #riverdale imagine #fluff #prompt #cute #riverdale sweet pea

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yoddream · 4 years

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walk | l.dh

pairing: Haechan x fem!reader

warnings: car accident, blood, mentions of paralysis, angst, broken bones

summary: it all happened so fast

word count: 1,972 (ik it��s short im sorry i wanna try to think of a long story with him but im a little stuck rn)

a/n: hey y’all. i’m really sorry it’s short. there are all these ideas in my phone on what to write and this was one of them so i chose to use haechan. nobody’s sending any requests in, so i’m getting stuck with my work. i’m still working on my bad body jeno one but it’s a really long one so it’s gonna be a while. i will gladly take requests (as long as it’s not smut) so please send them in! gotta get the creative juices flowin n shit

It was easier to say what didn’t hurt rather than what did. Your legs didn’t hurt, but that was because you couldn’t feel them. It was terrifying, to keep it simple. You couldn’t even remember what had happened. You and Donghyuck were driving home from dinner with your friends. You kept your eyes on the road even though wanted to look at your best friend and admire him as he sang along to the songs that were floating from the speakers. His car was in the shop, so you were driving him home. There was a flash of lights—

Right. A car had swerved into your lane. You turned the wheel to avoid getting hit, but instead the car rolled a couple times before landing on the roof. That’s where you were now: upside down in the middle of the road. You didn’t know where the other car was, but you knew they weren’t as bad as you two.

“Y/N. Y/N!” Donghyuck shouted.

“I’m here, Hyuck,” you assured him. “I’m here.”

“Oh, thank god. I was worried you were passed out or—” He didn’t have to finish that sentence for you to understand what he had been thinking.

“Good thing I refused to leave until you buckled your seatbelt, huh?” you joked.

There was a rough chuckle. “Only you would find now is a good time to make jokes.”

You paused. “I’m scared, Hyuck.”

“I am too, but we’re gonna get out of this,” he promised you. “We’re gonna get out, we’re gonna walk away from this, and we’ll take that road trip you’ve been planning since the beginning of high school.”

“I can’t feel my legs.”

The car slowly lit up as emergency vehicles got closer. “Then I’ll wheel you away, but we’re getting out.”

“Hyuck, I’m tired.”

“No, no, no, do not close your eyes. Stay with me, Y/N. Please, stay with me,” he begged.

“I’ll try, but I really wanna sleep,” you stated.

“You’ll be able to sleep at the hospital but I need you to stay awake for me, doll. I know you can do it.”

You could hear him tell the EMTs to get you out first, but your eyes refused to stay opened. You mumbled an apology before completely losing consciousness. The last thing you remembered was the flash of yellow from a firefighter’s jacket.

///

Donghyuck wanted to see you so badly, but you were in surgery, and he had a broken arm that needed to be set before put in a cast. He knew absolutely nothing, and it was driving him insane. He and Renjun were your only emergency contacts, so the other boy was on his way to the hospital. You lost contact with your parents as soon as you had turned eighteen, tired of their disapproval with every decision you made, whether it was the friends you made or however you decided to change your hairstyle. Donghyuck and the rest of the guys were all you had.

You and Donghyuck had met in the third grade when you moved to the neighborhood. He’d immediately pulled you into his friend group consisting of Chenle, Jaemin, Jeno, Jisung, and Renjun. It was a wide variety of personalities, yet you somehow managed to get along with all of them. They felt there was no one else in the world that could cackle with Chenle one minute and have deep conversations with Renjun the next. No one could stand Jaemin’s affection as much as you, and no one could sit with Jeno for hours upon hours listening to music without speaking like you. You were the reason Jisung was able to break out of his shell and get a girlfriend, and you were the reason Donghyuck was a ray of sunshine.

“Hyuck!” He looked up and found Renjun’s head bobbing through the busy emergency room. “Hyuck, what happened? Where’s Y/N?”

“We were—we were in a car accident. It rolled. Renjun, I—” Donghyuck was at a loss for words.

“Do you know if she’s going to be okay?”

“There was so much blood. She lost so much. She’s in surgery right now, but I don’t know what they’re working on. She couldn’t feel her legs.”

Renjun’s eyes were shining with unshed tears, a rare sight. He nodded before taking his phone out, muttering something about calling the others. He was about to step away when a hand shot out and grabbed his arm. He looked up and frowned. There was fear written all over Donghyuck’s face; the boy didn’t want to be left alone at all.

The two of them sat on the bed as they waited for either the doctor or their friends to show up, whoever came first. Even though his arm was broken, Donghyuck felt numb. He just wanted to see you, to hold your hand, to hear your laugh again. He wanted all of that, but he couldn’t get it. He didn’t know if he ever would.

The guys ended up arriving at the same time the doctor needed to help Donghyuck with his arm. Renjun filled them in quickly before going to sit with him while his arm was set. He was silent through the whole thing, and the doctor seemed concerned by the lack of reaction.

“Did you feel that?” she asked.

Donghyuck shrugged. “Probably.”

“He’ll definitely feel it later,” Renjun assured her. “Right now, uh, our best friend is in surgery. We don’t know how it’ll turn out.”

She nodded in understanding. “Okay. Well, I’m going to write you a prescription for some pain medication. Take it every four hours if needed. There are no refills, so if you run out or feel you need something with less strength, take some ibuprofen.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Renjun said as he took the paper.

They headed back to the emergency room to sit with their friends as they waited for your surgeon to appear with whatever news she had. Renjun was pacing, never one to sit still. Jisung was asleep in Jeno’s lap, his whole body curled up. Chenle was playing a game on his phone to keep himself distracted, but he looked to Jisung to check on him every few minutes. Jaemin was a few feet away, trying to work the coffee vending machine. Donghyuck watched people filter in and out of the waiting room for hours until the sun rose. When he heard your name called, he stood up so quickly he almost fell over from the blood rush.

“How is she? Is she okay?” he asked as the others woke up and joined him.

“Everything went well. She lost a lot of blood, but we managed to stop it. We, unfortunately, don’t know when she’ll wake up. With all the injuries she sustained, it could range from a couple hours to a couple days,” the surgeon explained.

“What about her legs? Hyuck said she couldn’t feel them,” Renjun stated.

She paused. “One of the lumbar vertebrae was fractured in the accident, and it’s currently compressing onto her spinal cord. Right now, she’s in a brace to take some pressure of her spine, but we can’t perform any surgery until she’s well enough.”

“Can we see her?” Chenle asked.

“Unfortunately, only family can.”

“We are her family,” Donghyuck said.

“I understand that you’re worried, but unless you’re her actual family—”

He cut her off. “Damn it, she doesn’t have family! We’re all she has!”

A silence fell upon the whole room, and it took him a couple seconds to realize what he’d done. He started apologizing profusely, but she simply smiled and shook her head.

“Don’t worry, I get it. I’ll let the nurses know that you all are considered family.”

She gave them directions to your room. They didn’t hesitate to rush down the hallway, but not before yelling out their thanks. When they reached your room, it took them a moment to realize that they were looking at you. Your face was covered in bruises, and there were quite a few butterfly bandages on your cheeks and forehead. Your arms were wrapped in gauze, and your torso was in a giant brace. You were almost unrecognizable.

Donghyuck grabbed a chair and dragged it to your bedside. He reached out his good hand and grabbed your own, careful of the cuts that were on your skin. Jaemin grabbed the other chair, letting Jeno sit on the arm of it. The others stood at the end of the bed, seemingly scared to step closer.

“Jesus, Y/N. What the hell have you gotten yourself into?” Jeno mumbled.

The only response was the rise and fall of your chest.

///

It was a process trying to wake up. First, you felt the pain in your back. Next, you heard the heart monitor that you were strapped to. Then, you smelled the sterile air of the hospital. Finally, you opened your eyes, squinting against the sunlight. You looked around and spotted Jaemin and Chenle sitting by the window. Chenle looked over first, a wide smile stretching across his face.

“Hey, you’re awake!” he announced.

Jaemin’s head whipped around, his eyes wide with shock. He grinned as well and walked over. His hand reached up to push the hair from your face as he asked how you were feeling. You whined in discomfort, knowing he understood to an extent how much pain your back was in. As glad as you were to talk to them, there was somebody more important you needed to see.

“Where’s Hyuck?” you asked. When they didn’t answer right away, you started to panic. “Where is he?”

“I’m right here.”

You looked to the door and sighed with relief when your eyes landed on your best friend. His arm was in a cast and sling, and there were a few cuts and bruises on his face, but he was otherwise okay. He rushed forward and hugged you as gently as he could before pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Told you we would make it out of there,” he mumbled.

“Yeah, sounds like I might walk away too,” you replied.

When he pulled away, there was a fond smile on his face. “Good, because you’re heavy.”

Gasping, you reached out to hit his good arm. He yelped and whined about how it wasn’t fair, but you rolled your eyes and called him a big baby. He turned to complain to Chenle and Jaemin, but to your surprise, they were gone.

“Huh. Wonder when they left,” you commented.

Sitting down, Donghyuck took your hand in his and squeezed lightly. “You really scared me, you know.”

You nodded. “I know. I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to get hit, so I turned the car so I would—”

“Wait, what?” His eyes widened in surprise at your words.

“When—when the car hit us. I turned the car so it would hit me,” you admitted.

He frowned, his eyes glistening with tears that you knew he would do his best to hold back. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I love you, dumbass.” After what you’d gone through, you didn’t want to hold it in anymore. “I love you so fucking much. If you died, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

“And you think I would’ve just lived my life like nothing?” he argued. “No, no way. I would be absolutely crushed. So don’t go talking like my heart wouldn’t be broken if I lost my other half.”

He kissed the back of your hand and added, “As soon as you’re out of here, I’m dating you so hard. I’m talking fancy dinners with candles and everything.”

You tried to fight back the smile that was threatening to spread across your face, but it couldn’t be stopped. “Good, because I don’t want anyone else to.”

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sammansonn · 4 years

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my thoughts on the 100 series finale

okay so just before this episode i watched last weeks episode because i really just Didn’t wanna watch it jroth really had me Dreading having to watch the show

i want to make it clear that i hate jroth and he managed to fuck up Everything in these last few episodes

but, and i don’t know if it was my Lowwwww expectations of this episode or what, i didn’t Hate it

i have So many issues with it and i didn’t Like it, but i Kinda get it

so first off hate that they killed madi that was fucked up and stupid like why did jroth say “everyone clarke loves has to die otherwise she’s not Really traumatized” like fuck him

honestly i think my biggest issue these past few episodes is that jroth just rewrote clarke’s character, like she obviously would never have killed bellamy but she also would Not have been as selfish as she’s been these last couple episodes

clarke griffin is my favorite character of all time (i mean now its a bit difficult separating this fucked version jroth randomly made from the real one in my heart) and so much of this just Wasn’t her

idk like Obviously she’d be focused on madi and Only madi but i just feel like the way she treated everyone else just Wasn’t her

okay so before i watched the episodes i actually knew a lot of what happened because i said “fuck it i’ll spoil myself i don’t give a shit” and while looking at things i was like “what the fuck is the point of the show if the human race doesn’t even technically survive???” but i actually kinda get the point now that i’ve seen it

like although i still do Not like the transcendence plot (honestly wtf jroth) i think the show has tried to convey this idea of violence being the death of humanity, and this episode (especially octavia’s speech) did cement that in a way

oh that reminds me i also hate that raven is the one who beat the test while clarke was just off alone with madi not caring about Anyone else

like i know obviously she’s gonna be Fucked up, but first off she is the main character like the fact that octavia and raven were the actual ones who fixed everything just kinda didn’t vibe with me right (although i love octavia and raven obviously), and second off again she wouldn’t just give up that easily on the test nor would she just abandon everyone else

and when i say this i mean Our clarke, the Real clarke, wouldn’t do that, this clarke that jroth made was born when she killed bellamy, because all of these things that are totally out of clarke’s character make sense when you look at the fact that she killed bellamy, and because Our clarke would Not kill bellamy she also wouldn’t do all this bullshit jroth is pulling

some quick side notes

loved murphy and emori so glad they got the happy ending they Deserve honestly my fav canon couple i the show

also love octavia and levitt they looked so cute at the end

jordan and hope doesn’t make sense honestly it was super forced and hope is Clearly a lesbian and her and echo are in Love (hecho rights)

loved indra killing sheidheda what a good time

so about the actual ending on the beach, i actually liked that singular part of it if everything else before it was fixed (that way madi and bellamy could Also be there, and also they should be able to reproduce honestly that part is weird)

i felt like clarke accepting that she was the one human who couldn’t ascend went back to her selfless nature that jroth was ignoring for some reason (i think she should have killed cadogan but then tried to save the human race and basically had raven’s test too ya know, and then maybe the judge could’ve been like “either you all die, or everyone transcends but you” and clarke could’ve agreed i think that would’v been good)

i also liked that her fam came back for her, like it finally shows them appreciating clarke and giving back what she’s given them throughout the show (although again i think madi should’ve come back too but thats fine)

again, im not saying i Like the transcendence, i think it would’ve been better for humanity to actually be able to survive on its own in peace without promise of becoming balls of light but i liked the beach scene ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also wanted to talk about the fact that lexa was the judge because i have seen some thoughts on it

so first off i am a bellarke shipper who Also loved clexa and love lexa in general and i was Very happy to see that she was back

something i think is interesting that the judge said the person is not Necessarily the one the person loves most but their greatest Teacher, and i Do feel like clarke learned so much not necessarily by lexa but through her?

personally tho if i was gonna pick a person for clarke i might have gone her dad or maybe wells because rip wells (or obviously bellamy but ya know)

anyway i was so happy to see lexa and clarke looked so happy even for a second which was so good

but despite all this i do want to recognize that bringing back lexa was a Complete manipulation move by jroth because he’s just trying to bring back some of his alienated fanbase

but even though its So manipulative we can still appreciate lovely lexa obviously

okay those are my thoughts idk i’m less upset about it than i thought i’d be but i think that’s peace 1. my expectations were in the literal gutters and 2. i did still like all the other characters and felt that they did good ya know, like its really the ooc clarke that is my main issue (and jroth’s just shit writing in general)

also wanted to say that the cast was honestly amazing tho like they did gr8 and i just wish they had a better writer than jroth

i also hope one day we’ll find out if there really was a fight between bob and jroth and thats why everything got so fucked because apparently he was mad at bob and eliza?? like idk if he’s That petty but.....

anyway have i mentioned fuck jroth

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star-going-supernova · 4 years

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tbh i think im scared of my parents reactions to my interests, i get nervous when i think about telling them i want to watch king of the monsters when its just a movie. im terrified of just watching 3 minute youtube videos on the TV if its not something im known to like. how do you do it

I used to be the exact same. Years ago, I got really into a couple cartoons that, for some reason, I thought I shouldn’t like. I’m still not entirely sure why, just that I was really embarrassed about liking them and I didn’t want anyone to know that I did. I only ever watched them on my phone late at night, or in our basement with the remote in my hands, ready to press the jump button to take me to a different channel if anyone came down.

There are some things I’m still like that about. Things that I can’t imagine ever sharing with anyone. It’s insecurity, for me, plain and simple. None of it’s wrong to like, but hey. It’s the mortifying ordeal of being known, right?

It helped me to start with pretty basic interests. I’ve liked dragons and dinosaurs for as long as I can remember. That translated into a love for httyd and the Jurassic series, so it was easy for me to get excited about them in front of my parents. It helped that those are popular, and there’s nothing unusual about liking them. Another calming thing for me was to have a friend I could namedrop, someone who had similar interests so I wasn’t putting myself forward alone, even though the friend wasn’t physically with me.

It might help if you know what the root of your anxiety is. What exactly about their potential reactions make you nervous? With those cartoons, I was afraid of being judged for liking something that felt “childish.” With other movies I’m insecure about, sometimes I’m afraid of being laughed at for liking it, especially if it’s thought of as “bad”—not in a problematic way, but in a “that was stupid and poorly done” way. I’m a huge sufferer of secondhand embarrassment, so if I feel it while watching something, my brain automatically tries to convince me I shouldn’t like it.

(continued below the cut, because this bad boy got long)

I’ve found different methods to work depending on the reason I’m insecure. Sometimes, I just have to rip the bandaid off and casually mention something while hoping for a favorable response. It can be really hard to act casual while talking about an interest, but I’ve found that it helps to test the water as if I don’t care about the reaction.

Above all else, a lot of it has to do with your parents. You can be the absolute most confident person in the world walking into that conversation, but if they aren’t willing to listen… I don’t have experience with complete disinterest, so I’m afraid I can’t help with that. If your parents are willing to listen to you talk, even if they don’t share your interest, then, friend, I have some good news for you. Parents, in general, love to see their kids happy and excited. With my mom, I think I could talk about anything, and if I was smiling uncontrollably while doing it, she would be glad to listen.

It’s so hard to offer a piece of yourself like that, especially to people whose opinion means a lot to you. But if your parents are decent people, they won’t shoot you down over something that clearly makes you happy. Tell them it makes you happy. If Godzilla brings a smile to your face like he does to mine, then your parents should be glad to know about it.

For KotM, put it on and tell your parents a friend introduced you to it and you really like it. If you’re not shy about having online friends, tell them you’ve found a group of people who talk about it and you enjoy that. Tell them you’re excited about the next movie in the series coming out soon.

Watch those youtube videos, and if someone says something, tell them it caught your attention and you were curious to see what it was about. Or act like it’s something you’ve been a fan of for a while, and it’s just never come up before. Tell them it’s a new thing you like. There is and will never be anything wrong with finding a new thing to like, and I’ll fistfight anyone who implies otherwise.

Remember, we’re all constantly changing, developing new likes and interests, and leaving old ones behind. And in order to find new things, we have to try new things. No one is born knowing everything they’ll be passionate about over the course of their life. At minimum, your parents should understand that. You can’t be expected to have the same likes forever. I hope something here helps you, friend. I know exactly how hard it is to open up, and don’t feel bad if it takes time to do anything I’ve suggested. I still have to work to express myself some days. And on others, I get lucky, and it’s as simple as starting the conversation with, “So there’s this new thing I found…”

#i answered a thing #cupcaeky wakey #i hope this helps!#life and times of star

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ravenaveira · 4 years

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Just wanna clarify a few things after my long review/rant at the end for KH3 Re:Mind

My comments about the Sokai stuff I stand by, but I wanna be clear because I see Sokai shippers claiming antis complained about the lack of Sokai for it to be a believable relationship and now that Sokai has more moments we’re complaining about them shoving Sokai down our throats.

I cant speak for all antis on this, so I’ll be strictly speaking for myself on this issue and anyone else who feels similar to me. Warning it gets long again so be ready.

Yes Im one of those antis who complained about the lack of Sokai which made it underdeveloped and unbelievable, and yes I am also complaining about them now shoving Sokai down our throats.

Why? because Kingdom hearts is not a romance, and throughout every single game so far romance has taken a severe back seat and handled very subtely. For example Sora’s drawing in the cave of him giving Kairi the Paopu fruit, Riku teasing him about wanting to give one to Kairi, Sora saying hes always with her and promising to come back for her, Roxas calling Kairi ‘the girl he likes’ etc

All these moments were very short, subtle, and to the point. It was not a primary focus nor was it blatantly shoved in your face like

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I mean in almost EVERY shot they were together Sora was holding her hand, which isnt something he usually does? keep in mind Sora and Kairi’s feelings have been known to eachother since KH2 and Sora still didnt behave the way he is now. He was always very awkward and uncomfortable/shy when it came to romance.

In KH2 Sora didnt hug Kairi, nor did he hold her hand, it was KAIRI who initiated the hug out of relief and happiness to see Sora again and that hes ok. Sora did not show the same sentiment and treated her like he always has, just casually walking up to her and just nonchalantly saying ‘You are different Kairi, but Im just glad your here’ as if she wasnt kidnapped and being held hostage this entire time. He should have showed the same concern for her as he did for Riku and Kairi for him but he did not, he just said that and then turned away and apologized.

But in KH3 Sora/Nomura pull a complete 180, Sora hugs Kairi to shield her from Terranort with his body instead of pulling out his keyblade and blocking his attack. Him hugging Kairi there was not only stupid, but it doesnt even defend her, Terranort will just kill Kairi AND him now. That was just a forced out of place Sokai moment for the sake of shoving a Sokai moment that was completely unnessecary and could of easily had the same impact by having Sora do the common sense thing and BLOCK with his keyblade like he did for Riku when they were in THE EXACT SAME SITUATION.

See the difference? good, then I need say no more.

This is only one of many situations where they would shoehorn in a Sokai moment that was completely out of place, didnt make any sense, or just forced in trying way too hard to convince you how much Sora cares for Kairi and how much they love and want to be together forever etc etc

Another example being when everybody ‘dies’ in the keyblade graveyard being swept away by heartless. Sora only loses his mind and breaks down emotionally after Kairi is the last one swept away, he then says the most inconsiderate line he could have ever said.

He says this while RIKU IS RIGHT THERE BESIDE HIM, even if you were arguing he was just speaking figuratively thats still no excuse, he was NOT alone but at that moment he just completely disregarded Riku as if his presence there was the same as being alone.

Not only that but seconds later he does one of the most out of character things for him.

Sora just WATCHES Riku risk his life holding back the heartless to protect him and Sora just WATCHES him fighting off this huge horde of heartless BY HIMSELF and not ONCE does Sora make ANY attempt to get up and help Riku despite knowing his life is at risk trying to hold them back alone.

Even if you wanna argue Sora was in shock, when has that ever stopped him before!? when have you EVER known Sora to just sit back and watch his friends put their lives in danger and NOT help them?

What makes this worse is thats not even the first time he does it, he sits back and watches AGAIN as Axel gets bodied right infront of him just to have him exhausted next to Kairi because you know, Sora’s never fought strong opponents and gotten right back up to protect his friends before.

Remember Terranort? Sora was overpowered by him and still made the effort to run over and hug Kairi to shield her from his attack, but Axel and Riku? nah just gonna chill and watch. This is BEYOND out of character for Sora.

When Axel told Sora to hurry and save Kairi, who was being held hostage by the organization and was in danger, Sora refused to leave him and stayed behind to help him fight. Sora chose helping Axel over Kairi, he put saving his enemy before his own friend/love interest.

When Neku betrayed him, Sora still helped and protected him when he was in danger

When Riku stole his keyblade and Donald and Goofy followed him and left Sora behind, yes Sora was discouraged but when he saw Beasts determination to save Belle no matter what, it encouraged Sora to do the same for the people he cared about

I could go on but you get my point, Sora saw Riku risking his life, literally dying and he did NOTHING, try to justify that all you want but that was incredibly out of character and was obviously put there to show how losing Kairi broke him.

I know your probably gonna argue it wasnt just Kairi it was everybody, and to that I say this, if it wasnt just about Kairi why didnt Sora snap when Ven and Axel got bodied? he froze for a few seconds but then snapped out of it thanks to Riku. After that everybody gets swept away, but the game made sure to put EXTRA emphasis, slow motion and all, to Kairi and Sora reaching out to eachother and then Kairi being swept away by the tide.

THATS when he snaps, if it truly werent just about Kairi they wouldnt have made sure to put emphasis on her being swept away, EVERYONE would have gotten the same treatment if it were truly their deaths also that made Sora fall apart. Im not saying he wasnt upset or heartbroken over them, Im pointing out how they made sure to single out Kairi as the most DEVASTATING loss out of all of them.

Yet again, he has Riku one of his closest bonds if not the closest right beside him yet he doesnt even acknowledge him? he says hes alone even though Rikus right there? you cannot justify that as anything other than downplaying Riku to boost Kairi up.

You do not see the other trios treated this way, every trio has equal focus for ALL of them and even the romantic hints for some of them [Roxas/Xion, Terra/Aqua, technically Namine/Repliku] have all been treated equally and did not feel forced or out of place but very natural and they still made sure to focus on the friendship bond between them overall.

Axel doesnt get played down in importance to Roxas just to boost Xion up, their friendship and bond with eachother are equally important to one another despite whatever ‘romance’ there might be. Same applies to Terra and Aqua, Ven is not played down in importance to them. As for Namine and Repliku they arent a trio but their romance was still handled well and it didnt overshadow their platonic bond or attempt to play down the real Riku or vice versa to boost the other, Namine was equally important to both of them.

So balancing romance and friendship CAN be done in their trio, but for some reason Nomura insists on pitting one against the other and playing down one over the other, in Sokai’s case thats Riku, which is an insult to his and Sora’s bond. The same way Sokai shippers felt the over-focus on Sorikus bond was a disservice to Sora and Kairi’s bond, its the same issue.

But lets get back to Re:mind because besides a few bad moments, overall KH3 was atleast passable with the Sokai nonsense. Then comes Re:Mind and oh boy...the damage control was strong in this one.

Again as I said earlier the Sokai moments in this game were very forced and out of place and in many ways out of character for Sora.

For starters the excessive hand holding, why? to convince us their a thing? but Sora suggests otherwise

Even after all the excessive hand holding, the hugs, the forced moments etc, in the end Sora still calls Kairi a friend. After aaaaall the forced Sokai bs they shoved down our throats Sora still friendzones her, which is it Nomura? you either want them together or you dont, stop playing games and pick a side already.

Dont get me wrong Im glad he hasnt made it official yet but after all this its like enough is enough, either follow through or cut this shit out and go back to being subtle like before.

Another huge insult was Sora constantly saying how his journey started with Kairi, since when? I remember Sora losing Kairi AND Riku that day not just her. I recall Sora not going back to Destiny Islands with Kairi BECAUSE he wanted to continue his journey to find Riku, but apparently in Re:mind it was just all about Kairi, nothing about his journey involved Riku no it was only Kairi that was his main motivation, gtf outta here man.

You can say something over and over but that doesnt make it true, Sora’s journey started with BOTH of them, lets stop playing down Riku’s importance to once again boost Kairi up.

That hug when Sora finally reunited with Kairi after restoring her was so obviously trying to make up for all the years of people complaining about Sora’s lack of reaction to Kairi in KH2 in comparison to Riku, so having him hold her for several seconds floating in the sky should rectify that right? you believe he cares about her now right? fuck off man. If your gonna do damage control than atleast dont make it so obvious that thats what your doing because then it comes off disingenuous, forced, and fake.

But my biggest issue is the ending where they really shoehorned Sokai where it didnt belong, literally stalking everyone else with the exception of returning Namines heart and Sora helping to reunite Chirithy with Ventus. But in Twilight town, why were Sora and Kairi there? they werent with Roxas but just sitting above them

Why were they at Mickeys castle? again their just in the background sight seeing.

These scenes were completely unnessecary and completely out of place and made the ending WORSE rather than better. Why? because these are Sora’s final hours ALIVE whether you argue only for a day or a couple days, in all of these ending scenes only one thing matters to Sora and thats Kairi.

Before we assumed everything that was shown all happened the same exact day and we didnt see Sora with any of them. But now we have confirmation Sora WAS there yet he only spent his last remaining time with Kairi in the background while quietly stalking everyone else? even if he didnt spend time with anyone else, he should have spent his last remaining time with Kairi AND Riku, after all hes his best friend and would like to spend what little time he may have with Sora too but we dont see any of that. Hell this contradicts Soras own danm words to Chirithy prior to this.

Instead of just shoehorning a bunch of Sokai in the background why not show the three of them FINALLY all together again like the old days? this is wtf Im talking about. We saw ALL the other trios together but the Destiny trio? hell naw fuck Riku lets have Sora spend all his remaining time with Kairi, thats the only one who REALLY matters here. After being separated from eachother constantly, now they finally have the chance to be together again and spend time together as friends and they DONT.

Instead Sora decides to take Kairi around the worlds hes visited, something he said he wanted to do with Riku as well, and just spend all his remaining time with her, even though in the base game before the final battle Sora was concerned why Riku was all alone and not spending time with them together. But here? nah fuck Riku. I remembered how important it is to share moments with friends only applied to Kairi.

So personally idc that theres more Sokai moments, my problem is the execution. It doesnt feel genuine, it feels forced and awkward and just doing damage control to pander to the rabid fanbase thats been screaming for this type of content for years, well congrats, you got it.

My problem is Kingdom Hearts was never about romance, it was always subtle and not shoved in your face, it felt natural and not forced and like there was atleast SOME heart behind it, but this? just felt hollow and forced.

Just stop, Im glad in the end Kairi just sleeps for a whole year and probably still will be sleeping when the next game comes out and the focus will shift to Riku and his search for Sora along with the other keyblade wielders doing their part as well.

So Im thankful it seems like we’re done with this crap and getting back to what ACTUALLY matters and what people really wanna see from this series.

Notice how nothing in either of my posts had to do with Soriku as a couple but about their bond as friends, enough said.

So dont try to twist this into just being about pairings because its not, its about what this series has always been about being forgotten for the sake of a fucking trash ship that nobody cares about besides rabid shippers and Sora’s bonds with his other friends being completely thrown out the fucking window to shorehorn in a bunch of unnessecary Sokai moments as a desperate attempt to convince people that these two love eachother which at this point if you have to try so hard to CONVINCE people of your pairing its obvious your doing a very shitty job at it.

Im done, this is my last long post about this for a while but I really needed to get that all out there since nobody else seems to be calling it out for what it is. My anger and frustration is still very fresh and it shows so I really need to stop talking about it because at this point? Re:Mind just ReMinded me why the Destiny trio is the worst out of them all, it is the most unbalanced and quite frankly feels more like Riku is a third wheel at this point and not even a part of the trio anymore. Before Kairi, it was always Sora and RIku yet hes the one whos being pushed aside and forgotten about in all this. That pisses me off.

So Im done with this topic, I need to cool off for the next couple of years till the next game comes out where hopefully Kairi stays asleep the entire time and NOT ruin another game.

#kh3 remind spoilers #kh3 #kingdom hearts 3 #anti-sokai #anti-kairi #FDB-kairi

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thecardsimagine · 5 years

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Of shipwrecks and seafoam

Summary: Let me tell you a story about a pirate and a merman, finding a love that goes beyond insecurities and death. Let yourself be taken away onto a journey about doubt and secrets, understanding and a bond that even goes beyond the deep blue of the ocean.

Pairing: Merman!Julian Devorak x Pirate!Reader (Nonbinary) Rating: Mature because of swearing and suggestive content Warning: Blood, Death, Killing Genre: Romance, Drama, Alternate Universe

ADDITIONAL WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Vomit, Self-loathing/Self-Doubt, Angst, Mentioning of Death. Proceed with caution! ______________________________________________________________

a/n: Someone asked for suffering? That’s fine, it’s only just beginning. It’s not that bad yet. Everyone breathe out! Leave me a comment on what you thought about the new chapter! And always remember we only have 4 more Chapters and the Epilogue to go. Technically, I am already done and just procrastinating on the end lol. Please enjoy! ♥

Tagging: @julians-chest-hair / @sireennotsiren ______________________________________________________________

Chapter 8 - A Sister’s Duty

You had kissed him.

You had kissed Julian two times. And you had promised him to not hate him ever. He had returned your affection and then scurried off after hearing a loud shriek that sounded much like the way he had sounded when showing you his name in his language. Just like he asked you to, you hadn't gone into the water that night, instead, curled around the fire and fallen asleep on some point, but the thoughts were still working you when you woke up the next morning.

When you finally had enough of looming over what happened, you sat up, groaning as your head was spinning. Sleeping on the sand sure left its toll on you by now, your neck stiff and hurting. The fire next to you had burned down and the day didn't promise to be a very sunny one either, but again, it was neither cold nor warm. On some point of stretching your neck, you turned your head towards the water. Immediately your sight was greeted by two sparkling grey-blue eyes glancing back at you. Somehow the situation was familiar, but something seemed odd, and with the hints of panic rising in you, you slid further back into the direction of the thicket before you even had a grasp on what was happening.

It wasn't Julian. This creature had lighter hair than Julian, though it was just as wavy and unruly. The further you crouched away, the closer it got until a sudden body erected from the water, and you let out a surprised, "Oh!" Quickly, you avoided your eyes as you made out the naked woman's body. You were glad that most of herself was covered by wet hair, but you didn't want to be rude and stare for too long either

Unlike with Julian before, you weren't as afraid of her, though you still had respect of the situation, clearing your throat awkwardly. "H-Hi?" you asked, giving her a shy glance. "Oh, hi!" the mermaid chimed back chipperly. She sounded oddly joyful but still as pleasant as you were used to it by Julian's voice. "I brought you food!" she continued, dropping two fish into the sand next to the fireplace, headless and gutted, like you were used to it by now.

"I'm Portia, who are you?" she asked, sinking down into the sand and holding her head up by her hands. “I’m [Name]... Are you…?" Before you could finish your question, she nodded in agreement, humming a confirmation. "That idiot who comes up here every day is my brother," she confirmed your suspicion. Alone from how her tail and fins looked, she was relatively similar to Julian, aside from the light raise in color compared to him. "He asked me to bring you these. He can't come, and I am always up for an adventure!"

Perplex you shook your head, agreeing that you understood what she was saying, but it left questions open to answer. "Why can't he come? Did something happen?" Portia hummed thoughtfully before answering, searching for your eyes with hers before speaking up again. "He's… caught up in something you could say. Don't worry, I am sure he will come by sometime again, he's just like that, always disappearing somewhere."

She began slowly sinking back into the water, though you managed to call out to her before she disappeared. "Wait!" Facing you again, she eyed you questioningly, raising her eyebrow. "I-" you started. In reality, you tried to organize your thoughts, there were so many questions in your head, and you were unsure which one to ask first. Your mind was ringing in confusion, and it made it hard to process everything, so you spurted out the first thing you could.

"Can you stay for a while?"

Portia was different than her brother. Though you would say Julian was curious and always trying to find out more things, Portia sure was more likely to explore the things in a more straightforward way. It wasn't unpleasant, but for the first time, you realized how much effort Julian must have put into behaving like a human. At least, she would share a meal with you, something Julian hadn't dared before.

"You don't mind being close to the fire?" you asked her after a while, watching her slip another piece of fish into her mouth. "No, not really. I know I shouldn't touch it, but I see no harm otherwise," she explained calmly, unbothered by the flames flicking out into her direction. Apparently, she didn't even mind the cooked fish, though much like Julian with the water, she seemed indifferent about the taste.

"So, Julian… Is he alright? You said he got caught up in something?" you asked carefully, having noticed her hesitation before. "Oh, he's… Well, yeah. Don't worry about him, it's just how he is." She seemed thoughtful for a moment, pulling apart the flesh of the fish in her hand. "He's very important for our flock… And he works with our Leader."

"The same that got hurt by fire before?" you asked without thinking, seeing her eyes shine up in surprise. "Oh, did he talk to you about it?" For a moment, you hesitated. This was an excellent chance to gather some information, but at the same time, you felt like backstabbing Julian, who had been reluctant to tell you. "I mean, if he did, I guess there's no harm in telling you," Portia chimed, almost relieved at that.

"Yeah, Leader Lucio had this very nasty encounter with humans who tried to burn him. But it's his fault after all! That maniac wanted to be a human so bad, he would have done anything he could! But now, Julian has to take care of him and his moods, while he's treated like a lowly servant."

Letting out a small gasp, you were glad she didn't seem to notice while you worked through the information you had just received. A mermaid wanting to become a human sounded almost too much like a fairytale to believe it, and yet, you had no reason to doubt her words. "He thinks it's his fault the Leader got hurt when really, it's all that stupid Lucio's fault."

"Why's that?" you asked, curiously. "Well…" with her claws, she shredded the fish skin in small stripes while talking, her face grim. "After all, it was Julian who said he would make sure that Lucio would become human and be accepted into their society. How should he have known the serum he created would wear off when Lucio got in touch with water though? The serum just wasn't completed yet, but the Leader insisted on taking it, and now everyone blames Julian. It's quite ridiculous."

She sighed heavily and deeply. "He's my brother, but sometimes I wish he had gotten some of my thinking. Always putting himself below others, constantly worrying and making me clean up behind him. Like this morning, when he said, "Portia, my dear sister! Please go see the human and bring some food!" without leaving me any choice!" She let out an annoyed huff before looking up, seemingly remembering something. "Oh, it's nothing personal. It's just… No one knew you were up here, so it came as a shock that he again was trying to connect to this… other world."

Nodding slowly, your throat felt so dry when you finally swallowed a piece of fish you had kept inside of your mouth while listening. You were trying hard to follow her story, understand the meaning of it all, and piece together the information she was giving you. But it all seemed so out of place, and it left you with an uncomfortable knot in your stomach. "You know…" she picked up her words again, finally looking up at you.

"At first, I was really upset he'd make me do something as unreasonable as to meet a human, but you're really not half as bad as I expected." She giggled softly, and you smiled meekly in return. "What did you expect to happen then?" It was a question you were soon to regret. "Oh, you know. The usual. Spears, threatening me, trying to eat my flesh. Some really still believe it makes them immortal to eat a mermaid, even though-" she gave her tail a rough slap, giggling some more, "-we're just big fishies!"

With a short break, she took a deep breath before continuing. "After all, it's the other way around." At this, your attention peaked, and you quickly swallowed the piece of fish you had in your mouth again, eyes connecting with hers. "We eat humans to stay alive for so long. But don't worry, I wouldn't do you anything, you are precious to my brother after all, so it's my duty as a sister to keep you safe too!"

The last few sentences you were barely able to pick up, your head starting to spin frantically while the panic began to spread its wings inside of you again. So they did eat humans? But Julian had said they didn't! Had he really be lying to you the whole time? But why? Why would he… Except he had plans that he wasn't going to share with you. "Oh, look at the sun, I really should get going."

Portia heaved her body back into the water without giving you a second look over, flicking the fish shreds onto the surface where they drifted off. Maybe if she had looked back at that moment, she would have noticed how much your body shivered. "My brother might not be able to come by as often anymore. The Leader is impatient and really wants the new serum to finish soon. So he's tail-deep in trouble for disappearing so much the last few days." With a bit of a groan, she finally managed to slide back into the cool wet, leaving you behind speechless. "They need to make sure to use the amount of humans we only recently received properly and not let them go to waste. And they need his assistance more than ever."

Turning towards you, she gave you a toothy smile, before shouting out, "Call me, if you need something!" waved and disappeared, leaving you behind.

Before your mind could set its foot down, your body convulsed, and you rushed to get up, running towards the thicket. Your wound burned for the first time in days, tears falling freely from your eyes while you toppled over releasing a stream of vomit from your mouth. You had been wrong, with everything. Against the better judgment of your body, you had yourself be pulled in by a quite literal siren's call.

"Fuck!" you groaned, realizing what kind of mouth you had kissed, what words you had trusted. A murderer's words in a sense, though you couldn't even call it cannibalism after all. Those mermaids were killing humans like the tales spoke, luring them into wrecking their ships to eat them, to stay alive. To stay alive for centuries even. And though you barely wanted to believe it, Julian was no better than them, his confession of age being the best prove at that.

"They… They ate…" you stuttered slowly, feeling like your head was going to explode with all the feelings and thoughts. Clasping your hands over your eyes, you slumped down, letting out ugly screams of pain and overwhelming sadness. The thought had been there for a long time, but now it got so much more tragic, more than you could handle by yourself. Julian had saved you, fully knowing that his kind was slaughtering the others that had still be alive when the ship got wrecked. He damned you to live with the guilt of knowing that you had just been lucky to be spared by him.

In the end, he was nothing different from a monster.

He even assisted in salvaging whatever was left in the bodies for them to use! And it didn't matter to you if it was for weird potions or serums, or to simply consume them.

You couldn't help but lean forward once more, the rest of the fish and water leaving your body disgustingly. The imaginary in your head drove you insane, making you wish you had never thought about it. Pulling in your legs, you wept loudly, sure that there was no one to hear you now. You ignored the burning of your body, your wound upset with your position, and just kept on rocking back and forth, for as long as you needed to calm down, ignoring every sound and animal that was around you.

When you came back to your senses, hours must have passed. Either you had laid in the sand while being unresponsive or you really had passed out, your conscience unable to keep up with your thoughts and feelings and shutting itself down. Whatever it was, it didn't really matter. Again you felt the water rise in your eyes, the tears falling down and disappearing in the sand. "No, no, no…" you muttered, releasing the hold you had on your knees still, muscles and bones aching under the movement. Deep inside, you didn't want to believe it. But what really bothered you was a very specific thought.

Were you the next meal? The next experimental body? The reserve human in case something goes wrong, and they needed more?

You couldn't trust anyone anymore. Not Julian, who had lied to you more than once you were sure by now. Not Portia, who didn't seem to understand the heaviness that her words had on you. You couldn't even trust yourself, because you had been dumb enough to believe these creatures even though you very obviously had been fooled into safety, with your body trying to tell you to get away.

More and more overcome with self-loathing, you clasped your hands over your ears, hoping it would shut down the sounds of your own thoughts. Dumb, an idiot, ridden with feelings. You would have rather kissed that creature instead of finding out the truth. Be dependant on it, though you really just needed to get the fuck away from it. How stupid could one be? How unspeakable naive and empathetic? You had really thought your words hurt him? Even though it was he, who would be mercilessly taking what he needed from you?

Your whole body felt dirty when you remembered everything he had touched. And you had so willingly shared your feelings and thoughts on the tour around the island just the day before. Playing into his plan, that's what you had done. Let him patch you up so you would be an even better human to harvest or whatever they did with the humans.

"I have to get out," you mumbled, throat so dry it hurt to speak.

Without blinking, you stared at the water, its waves softly brushing against the shore like every day so far. If you wanted to have any chance of survival, even the smallest, you had to flee. You'd need a boat, and with the compass he brought you, you would sail into a direction, without looking back, just far far away. Too far for him to reach you. It was the only thing you could do. You owed it to the comrades that had passed in the monster's wrath. You owed them your life, so you had to keep living. See their families, tell them what happened.

You couldn't die here, through the claws of these monsters.

Wobbling, but filled with a sudden determination, you got up. Your body hurt, but you dragged it back to the fire, lightening it up with a new stack of wood and putting the water to boil on it. What you needed was a boat, food, water. It would take a while, but if you only put your heart into it, you could excel.

For the first time in days, you approached your lonely spear, which had waited for you in the sand. You should have used it so much earlier. Close to it, you also found the same stone you used to sharpen it with. Armed with those two, you started your journey into the woods. In your head, you already planned out exactly what you needed, finding alternatives for it and beginning to collect whatever you could already, making sure to hide them, just in case Julian would come back and tried to keep you from your plan.

You've come so far, he would not stop you now, or ever.

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peterjakes · 5 years

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My Mad Fat Diary Fanfic - The Two Months - Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Chizzy: The Final Tour

The title is so cringe I know! I don't know if anyone's actually reading this but I've been away which is why the delay for an update. A slightly shorter chapter but I enjoyed writing this. Izzy and Chop are so cute but even they have their problems.

Also posted on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20154688/chapters/47769328#workskin

Izzy was one of the most excitable people in Stamford, she was like a little puppy, especially when it came to spending time with Chop. It was a miracle they were still together if Izzy was being completely honest. She was glad, of course, but that didn’t mean she didn’t hate her behaviour. She shouldn’t have done anything with Peter. End of. And she shouldn’t have blamed Chop, even if he had been completely horrible to Archie and acted as if Izzy’s feelings didn’t matter. He shouldn’t have gotten jealous about Izzy hanging around other boys, but Izzy supposed that she just proved him right. They were fine now, but sometimes she wished they’d gone about everything differently She loved Chop, even if she hadn’t actually said it yet. Not properly. Little ‘love ya’ goodbyes didn’t count in Izzy’s eyes. He’d said it her, quite a few times, more so recently but Izzy imagined that was just because of everything that happened, so that didn’t really count either. She wanted to say it, but just went to jelly whenever she was with Chop, even more than when he didn’t notice her.

Chop had rung her earlier, said he had a big surprise with made Izzy more nervous than she had been for a long time. What was he going to say? What was he going to do? Izzy hoped for something that would break the tension between the two, because she hadn’t been enjoying that. Chop wanted to go to the pub, but Izzy didn’t want anyone to walk in on them so suggested going to his flat. She didn’t particularly like Chop’s flat if she was honest. It was quite messy and grubby. If Izzy lived there, she would make it the cutest, little flat in Stamford. Izzy liked decorating and begged Chop to let her do some work or even just show him her ideas, but he refused, saying it was perfect as it was. It wasn’t. Nothing was perfect in their relationship, not really. Everyone outside always said how cute they were and how nothing could break them. How wrong they were. Chop didn’t seem to have a clue either. Thought everything was all fine now the gang were back together, but Izzy was still reeling from what happened. It was quite surprising, because Izzy hardly got angry about anything. But the way Chop had handled the situation didn’t sit right with Izzy. To be fair to him, he had apologised to Izzy and Archie. He had tried afterwards to not make it awkward. But Chop could be pretty clueless about everything. And he never spoke to Izzy about how he was feeling. Typical boy. All of these thoughts swam around Izzy mind until she reached Chop’s flat, she still had a spare key but hardly every used it. This wasn’t one of those times. If she was going to talk to Chop properly about everything, she was going to have to grow some balls.

In comparison, Chop was beside himself with glee. Meeting with Archie had actually made him see things clearly. Everything was fine, with everyone. And one of his legendary sexy parties? Who could resist that? Things will Izzy had been pretty solid too, all things considering. They’d both messed up but Chop mainly blamed himself. He’d been a pretty crap boyfriend. A terrible friend. And an all-round dickhead. But he going to change it. Otherwise, everything would fall apart again.

“Iz!” She was greeted by one of Chop’s cheeky grins and a peck on the cheek. He tried to go for another kiss, but Izzy managed to slide out from under his arms. Chop didn’t seem to realise and rushed her to his kitchen. It was the size of a brook cupboard, Chop seemed to have forgotten to do last night’s washing up and the night before as well. There were broken plates on the surface and a random house plant sitting inside a washing bin – at least he’d finally bought one of those.

“What’s this surprise then? Better be that you’re letting me redecorate this place!”

“Redec- nah, nah. This is a bachelor’s paradise Iz!” He waved his arms out, trying to show off how great his flat was. He thought it was pretty great. Not many lads his age had managed to secure a decent flat, especially on his wage. Izzy wasn’t so sure at the beginning, when he told her he was moving out, which surprised Chop to be honest. His own flat meant more time together. Alone. And they had that for a while but recently Chop had noticed a slight change in how Izzy acted around him. She hadn't wanted to come around as much and at first Chop put that down to college work, but he wasn't stupid. He could tell something was up. But was too scared to say anything. He didn't want to fuck up again.

“You’re not a bachelor though, Chop. It’s a mess.” Izzy wrapped one of Chop’s dirty football shirts in her hand as she said this, waving it in his face. Izzy hated it when he wouldn’t get to the point. She hated it when he made stupid remarks. But one look at that face and almost all was forgiven.

“Don’t matter, ‘lright?” He pulled the shirt outside of Izzy’s hand, dragging her closer to him. “We ‘ave very important business to attend ‘ta! ‘rnold Peters has a brilliant plan and ‘e needs his lovely assistant to ‘elp!” He wrapped his slender arms around her small waist, swaying her side to side with a small twinkle in his eyes.

“I thought you were surprising me. I got all excited for nothing.” Izzy pulls a sour face, indicating to Chop that she’s not angry, only kidding, and gives him a small peck on his lips, mirroring their earlier kiss. They haven’t been that … intimate recently. They’d kissed and made up, but Izzy hadn’t wanted things to go further. She knew Chop was frustrated, even if he didn’t want to be. She was grateful for that; she was grateful for Chop. But the problem was getting back to how they were. She didn’t even dare mention this to Chop, who thought everything was completely fine in the world. And she didn’t want to disturb that but wondered if she could carry on the way they were.

“It is a surprise! Just not for just ‘ya, for everyone!”

“Chop!” Izzy was trying to remain happy and calm, but they became very hard whenever Chop was being difficult. Not that has was that difficult, but he could be a right nightmare sometimes. Everyone said she was a saint for putting up with him and at first, she didn’t think that was fair, but recently she’d come to realise how true that comment was. All Izzy really wanted was for her and Chop to go back to normal. Or at least try. She felt like he didn’t really understand her, not anymore and she didn’t want to cause anymore trouble. Whenever she’d tried to talk to Chop about everything, he’d just brush it off.

“I need ‘ya help, ‘m gonna host the most legendary sexy party that Stamford has ever seen, ‘right? ‘ows that for a surprise?” Chop was obviously pleased with himself. And why wouldn’t he be? At least he was trying. At least he was making an effort. Everyone else seemed to just disappear again, and Chop didn’t want that. At least this way everyone could come together, properly come together and Chop could make sure everyone was cool again. That’s all Chop really wanted.

“You got me to come around here, for a sexy party? Why?”

“It’s Arch, Iz. ‘e needs cheering up, I think. ‘asn’t been himself seen, ya know. My fault really.”

“Oh, Chop. I thought we’d been over this. Everything’s fine. You just…” Izzy moved to wrap herself back around Chop, but he slithers away.

“ya gonna ‘elp meh or not?” Chop gave Izzy a look that a year ago would have made her melted but now made her feel intensely guilty.

“Yes, yes I’ll help!” She gives Chop a reassuring smile, but even he can tell she isn’t completely sure about his plan. “But I mean it, it was all our fault. And… I want us to be okay, don’t you?”

A slightly confused look merged on Chop’s face. “Aren’t we?”

“Y-yes, but parties can’t solve everything, you know.” In Izzy’s experience, some of Chop’s parties actually made things worse. Like when Finn and Duke ended up having a brawl across Chloe’s garden in October. Or when Archie and Rae got completely soaked because Barney had forgotten to turn off his dad’s hose. And those were some of the tame examples Izzy could remember.

“Just wanted ‘ta cheer ‘im up, Iz. Cheer ‘ya all up. Fucked everything up, didn’t I?” It was in this moment that Izzy realised that a down beaten Chop was not the Chop she should have been wishing for. This was her Chop. The real Chop. Not the ‘jack the lad’ who’d buy everyone a pint or who’d hang around with complete arseholes. The one who stood up in front of everyone and told her how he felt, the one who clapped after Rae revealed about her being in hospital, the one who he kissed Archie in front of everyone. That’s who Izzy wanted. That’s who she knew she was in love with, even if she couldn’t say it. But she didn’t want him to keep blaming himself. He didn’t deserve that – he was a good person. Which was something he wasn’t told very often, especially from Izzy.

When Izzy goes to wrap herself around Chop, he lets her this time. Her small body seems to fit perfectly against his and Izzy feels at home. She always has. She knows they've hit a few rough patches, but Chop would never do anything to hurt her. He does enough of that to himself. And Izzy knows she should be there for him, just as he’s been for her. She nuzzles her head into Chop’s chest once again, before he plants a small but sincere kiss on the top of her head.

"Cheers, Iz. I love 'ya, 'ya know."

"I know," Izzy pauses and glances up towards Chop, making sure he's listening. "I love you too." Izzy could sense a wide smile forming on Chop's face, one of those lovely grins she couldn't resist.

"So, 'ya gonna 'elp me now?"

#mmfd #mmfd fic #mmfd fanfiction #mmfd fanfic #my mad fat diary #the two months #*my writing

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taexual · 6 years

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GOT7 / Mafia AU - They lose their child

REQUEST: Can I request a GOT7 mafia au where they lose their child in a park or something and get worried. Something fluffy with a little angst. ☺

I made this a little less specific and also accidentally added more angst but I hope you like this, love!!

OTHER MAFIA AUS: BTS / EXO / GOT7 / MONSTA X

ALSO, DISCLAIMER: this is not related to my GOT7 Mafia AU Arranged Marriage series!

WARNING: strong language, mentions of violence, themes of exaggerated protectiveness

Mark

It was the first time Mark was the one taking your daughter to the closest playground. Usually, it was you, since he insisted he was too busy – but, really, you had a feeling he only refused to take her to the playgrounds because he was afraid it’d make him look less masculine – but this time, you were stuck at home, fighting allergies and your little girl would not leave you and Mark alone, insisting that one of you had to take her outside.

Mark was, of course, completely whipped for his daughter and he did not want to see her cry – seriously, the sight of tears welling up in her eyes was what made him drop everything and follow her orders – so, cancelling all of his plans for the day, he packed up the essentials – which included half of his impressive collection of Browning pistols because you never know which elementary-school boy might dare talk to his princess – and headed to his daughter’s favorite playground.

He ended up being impressed by how nice it was outside and how much his daughter warmed his heart by calling out, “daddy, look!” when she wanted him to watch her jump off the swing or climb the monkey bars.

The mood darkened a little when Mark received a phone call he had to take immediately. He felt like he only turned around for one second to answer the call, but when he looked back at the swing to check on his daughter, she suddenly wasn’t there.

“So, as I was saying, this guy just got on my last nerve. You need to get your damn—”

“Shh, shut up,” Mark exclaimed into the phone, interrupting his friend that had to update him on one of the jobs Mark had left him in charge of. “My child is missing.”

“Missing?!” his friend asked. “You lost your daughter? Why didn’t you say so? Is that why you took a free day?”

“No, we were at a playground and she—listen, just take care of everything. I’ll call you back,” he said quickly.

Putting the phone back into his pocket, Mark took one hard look around the playground before calling out his daughter’s name so loudly, the nearby children all flinched. He paid no attention to any of them, however. He needed to find his daughter and then he was going to make sure to never let her out of his sight again.

It was a busy time for you and Jaebum both. You managed to get Jaebum to understand that, although you weren’t shooting people for a living, your job was still important, and yet, despite that, when you came across problems about who’d watch over your son, Jaebum always insisted you do it. This lead to lots of arguments and, eventually, not feeling like fighting about this again today, Jaebum gave you a call to let you know that he’d pick his son up from school that day.

He got there just as a few kids were running down the stairs after walking through the front door. They greeted their parents and began to tell them about the day they’ve had at school. Jaebum found himself smiling, as he anticipated hearing what his own son would tell him.

However, Jaebum’s son was nowhere to be seen no matter how much Jaebum looked. It just didn’t seem like the little boy left the building.

Panicking and yet still choosing to wait another few moments, Jaebum watched the other parents leave with their kids in the car and then got his gun out, absolutely certain that the only reason why his son did not come out of the school was because someone took him.

Not really looking for any other explanations for his son’s absence – because every second was important – he walked into the school with his gun drawn and was greeted immediately by shocked and scared gasps of the teachers.

“I’m looking for my son,” he said. “I’m Im Jaebum.”

The teachers exchanged glances, scanning through lists of children inside their heads. Finally, one of them elicited a sound of acknowledgment.

“Mr. Im,” she said a little awkwardly. “Your son was absent from classes the whole day today.”

Cold sweat ran through Jaebum’s body as he heard this.

“W-what?” he stuttered – probably for the first time in his life. “But my wife had to drop him off here. She did drop him off before leaving for work.”

The teachers looked at each other again, not quite sure what was going on or what to do next. Jaebum was still holding a gun in a building full of children – even if the majority of classes were over for the day – so the situation was, at the very least, sensitive.

“Perhaps it’d be best if we talked about this in my classroom,” said the teacher who was talking to Jaebum before.

“No,” he said firmly, right as she was turning around in hopes of him following her. “If he wasn’t here, I have to go. I have to find where the fuck my son is, and the sooner that happens, the better it’ll be for everyone.”

Jackson

Jackson was proud to admit that his mother, his daughter, and you were his favorite girls. In fact, if anyone asked him, he was more than glad to talk about you three endlessly – which is why no one ever asked. That didn’t stop Jackson from bragging, though. Once, he had truly ended up distracting the enemy Mafia family by starting an in-depth discussion about which kindergarten his daughter should go to. After getting the opinions of the enemy men, he shot them, of course. But now he had a list of new kindergartens.

His three-year-old daughter was delighted to go to one and meet other kids her age – Jackson might have loved her with his whole being, but he was easily the most protective dad on the block. Which is why he was always the one dropping his daughter off at the kindergarten in the morning, and picking her up in the evening.

You told him you could do it and actually insisted you do because sometimes, Jackson arrived to pick his daughter up with blood still visible on his shirt, and you didn’t want your daughter to see him like that. Jackson disagreed, though. His little girl just sighed whenever she saw his white shirt stained with blood and said to him, “mommy will be sad.”

One time, however, as Jackson arrived to pick his bright, too-smart-for-her-own-age daughter up, he ended up waiting for her to arrive longer than usually. Twenty minutes later, he was overwhelmed with concern and ended up exiting his car to talk to the staff.

But there was no staff. The kindergarten had just closed two minutes ago.

Kicking the door down was not a difficult task to Jackson; he’d already lost count how many doors he kicked down in his life. Looking around the premises in complete darkness with his favorite Glock out was not overly difficult, either.

The difficult part was the realization that his daughter wasn’t here. And he had no idea where else she could have been.

“Y/n,” he said to you, once you picked up his call. “I’m going to be home late. There’s some stuff to do.”

“Did you pick our daughter up?” you asked right away. “Is she okay?”

“She’s… safe and sound,” Jackson replied, closing his eyes momentarily. “I’ll make sure she is.”

Jinyoung

Before he had his own children, Jinyoung always despised the men who bragged about their children’s achievements. He just groaned and rolled his eyes whenever one of his men kissed a picture of their child before pulling their pistol out to start the attack. He could never understand it.

But then he met you and had a daughter, and all of his priorities switched. He was absolutely whipped for his little girl and you ended up having to remind him on more than one occasion that if he didn’t learn how to tell her no, she’d grow up spoiled.

“Good,” was Jinyoung’s response, however. “That means I did my job as her father well.”

You couldn’t quite understand his logic but, before you could stop Jinyoung, your five-year-old daughter was suddenly gifted the puppy she had so desperately asked her father for a few days ago.

“You’re walking it,” you warned Jinyoung. “And I won’t care if you have important business to take care of. I love the dog but—”

“I’ll do it, you have nothing to worry about, babe,” he replied, never allowing himself to lose the confidence. “Sweetheart!”

His daughter – reacting to the only name Jinyoung ever called her – was by his side immediately, the small puppy peacefully snoring in her arms. Eager to see how excited his little girl would be to play with the puppy outside, Jinyoung took both of them took a park, giving you a few moments of peace and quiet.

And yes. Literal moments. Because exactly eight minutes after they had left the house, Jinyoung was calling you. As soon as you answered, you could hear squeaky yelping in the background of the call and it took you a second to realize that it must have been the puppy.

“Jinyoung?” you asked, sensing that something was wrong. He wouldn’t have called so soon otherwise. “What happened?”

“Uh, see… there’s a bit of a situation here,” Jinyoung said, his voice nervous. “It’s my fault entirely, but you can yell at me later.”

“What happened?” you asked again, stricter this time now that your heart started to beat wildly in your chest.

“So, a gun went off somewhere in the distance. Presumably aimed at me,” Jinyoung started to explain and you heard shuffling in the background. He must have been walking. “The dog got scared and it ran. Our daughter, the sweet thing, ran after him, of course. Well, while I got my gun out and eliminated the threat – oh, by the way, there’s a dead body in the park; you think that’ll be problematic? Anyway. So, right after I did that, I saw that the dog is back. B-but, um… our daughter… well, she isn’t.”

“What do you mean she isn’t?” you asked, standing up. “You lost our daughter?”

“I’ll find her! She couldn’t have run very far!” Jinyoug said. “I just need you to get here and take the puppy. Oh, and, I love you.”

“I will kill you, Jinyoung.”

“Everything will be okay! I promise,” he said as he heard you loudly slam the door of your house shut. “At least let me find our daughter before you blow my head off, okay?”

Youngjae

Youngjae did not give his son any air to breathe. He was constantly around him, constantly worrying that something would happen to him. He was your and Youngjae’s only child so you could understand Youngjae’s fear but you also thought that your boy would suffer a lot if he grew up smothered and didn’t learn how to do anything himself.

Youngjae’s inability to find a proper balance between completely distancing himself from his child and suffocating him with his attention eventually resulted in Youngjae losing his mind outside of the ice cream shop where he had allowed his son to go in, so he’d get himself a vanilla cone. It has now been a little over twenty minutes but his son still hadn’t come out.

“Hello, sir, is there anything I can do to help?” the waitress asked kindly as soon as Youngjae threw the door of the shop open and ran inside, his stomach sinking at the anxious realization that something went wrong.

“A small boy,” Youngjae said, struggling to explain properly because he kept looking around the small shop, unable to understand that aside from him and the waitress, simply no one else was here. “Dark hair. Big eyes. Not very tall. Came to buy ice cream. I’m the dad. Outside. Waiting.”

Youngjae seemed to forget how to form coherent sentences as he proceeded to freak out, while the waitress watched him, confused and slightly alarmed.

“Sir, is your son missing? Maybe you should call the—”

Missing.

As soon as the waitress said the word, it sunk in. His son wasn’t here. Youngjae didn’t know where he was. His son truly was missing.

“There’s no need,” Youngjae said, swallowing as he located his trustworthy gun in the back of his jeans, where it always was. “But I’m going to ask you to leave. I’ll do anything it takes to find my son. You won’t want to get in my way.”

BamBam

The thing BamBam was most excited about was teaching his son everything he knew. BamBam had a chance to create a legacy with his son, but sometimes he felt like he loved the boy a little too much to get him involved in the danger of this life.

You trusted BamBam 100%, so you didn’t tell him that you’d have preferred him not to ruin your son’s childhood by teaching him how to fire a rifle instead of teaching him how to ride a bike. You knew your husband would make the right decision about your son’s future.

Naturally, after noticing how happy you looked every time he and his son did something normal, BamBam decided that his Mafia training could wait. Your son had plenty of time to learn how to defend himself from potential attackers. He could be just a kid right now.

And BamBam would come to regret this decision exactly three days after making it, when he left his child in the children’s section of the bookstore for one minute and did not find him there when he returned. It was like his son wasn’t even in the store anymore, because BamBam looked everywhere and he didn’t find him. On top of that, no one he asked seemed to have seen his son, either.

“Sir,” one man said to him as gently as he could, given the sensitive nature of the situation. “Perhaps you should calm down and call the police.”

“With all due respect,” BamBam replied dryly, the fire in his eyes indicating that he had no plans to calm down anytime soon. “When it comes to my son, I’m the police. And if there’s anyone to blame for the fact that my son is fuck knows where right now – I will fucking find that person.”

Yugyeom

Yugyeom was really eager to spend as much time with his son as he was physically able to, and not just because his son was also his heir, but simply because Yugyeom now had a best friend for life. Sometimes, he tended to forget that his five-year-old was not his peer, however. But the little boy never told on his dad when he swore next to him by accident.

Their bond was really one-of-a-kind and Yugyeom couldn’t imagine losing his child even in his absolute worst nightmares.

And yet, that was exactly what happened, when he took his little boy to the park since it was a sunny day and you weren’t feeling well enough to take your son there yourself. Yugyeom had volunteered to do it – “I am his dad, after all” – but only after making sure you were really okay to be left alone.

Somehow, as he gave you a call to check up on your health, he had lost himself inside his thoughts – granted, that always happened when Yugyeom was talking to you, so he really should have seen something like this coming, but who ever does? – and didn’t notice his son disappear from his field of vision.

Frantic, Yugyeom began calling his son’s name out loud. He pushed every child off from the swings as if his son had suddenly morphed into someone else. Crying, the kids ran away, while their parents cursed at Yugyeom and threatened to call the police.

One brave mother even dared to grab his hand to get him to stop scaring the other kids, but Yugyeom pulled his hand out of her grip so feverishly, she stumbled backwards a little.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” Yugyeom snarled at her, not a touch of his usually cool posture in sight. “Unless you’ve seen where my son had gone, don’t you fucking dare interrupt me.”

The woman forgot whatever she wanted to say immediately. Turning around with a huff, she left Yugyeom alone as he continued his search for his son, quietly cussing everyone out – especially himself, for not looking after his child well enough – under his breath.

masterlist / ask (requests are closed)

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julmar123 · 5 years

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Allies 3

This is the 3rd installment in my Riverdale Imagine.

The next day I arrived at school my foster parents dropped me off. And I was dressed in a black hoodie and dark washed jeans with my combat boots. I walk into the school not really wanting to be around anyone. I was really just trying to blend into the back ground and fly under the radar. Unfortunately that didnt go as planned Kevin walks up to me and asks "hey i was worried you weren't going to be in school today. Im so glad you're fine...you are fine right?" he asks slowly pulling my hoodie off my head. "Yes im okay just... Kinda want to be alone" I say trying not to sound mean. "Oh... okay well if you ever want to talk about anything im here" he says putting his hand on my shoulder I nod and he leaves. I continue to walk to my first class really hoping not to come across Jughead Sweet Pea or Fangs, i really wasn't in the mood to see them I felt so embarrassed. I was able to get through my first classes no problem. I got out for class and continued to mind my own business i decided to head the library at lunch time. I sat in the empty library surrounded by silence. I began to relive the incident of yesterday the anger the fear all of the emotions it all came up to the surface and before i knew it tears began to run down my face. I covered my face with my hands. I was ashamed that I didn't have enough strength to stand up for myself the day before Malachai did what he wanted and no matter how hard i try i can never escape him. I hear noise coming from the door and i quickly dry my eyes and pretend to be reading. "This is where you've been hu? I've been trying to find you." says Jughead but I continue to look at my book as i say "yeah, well starting school in the middle of the year isn't the best nor the smartest choice. I say trying to look as though im actually doing something. He sits down across from me and pulls the book way. "Dude i was reading that" i say irritated by the fact that i can't just be alone. "Drop the crap i know you were not reading" he says and i finally meet his eyes. "Talk to me, maybe we can help you" he says. But I shake my head. "Thanks but right now i just want o be alone" i say snatching the book back. Again the door swings open and i try to gather my items. "Jug are you not coming to eat lunch" I turn to see the beautiful blond. "Yeah betty ill be right there." he says but she doesn't leave the room. He looks at me and then at her. "Look if you need anything talk to Fangs or Sweet Pea." he says before heading off with Betty. I put my things in my bag and head to the nearest restroom . I walk in and begin to wash off any smudged make up. It wasn't bad but you could tell i was crying because of my red eyes. I quickly finish and walk out but as im walking i can hear voices straight ahead.

"You think we should talk to her" you recognized that voice it was Toni. "She seemed pretty startled yesterday she held on pretty tight to Sweet Pea." that was Fang's voice. "Yeah and what exactly are we going to say to her? Sorry your ex is a psycho? Or let me guess sorry he's a douche bag?" that was Cheryl's voice. I kept walking completely avoiding the group all huddled by the lockers. I could feel them looking at me as I walked by. I could feel someone following me out. "Hey where are you going?" i turn to see Sweet Pea he had left the group. "Im not sure but it sure as hell isn't here" i say angry. He grabs my wrist stopping me from going any further. "I cant let you go." he says but I continue to look away from him. He pulls me slightly. "I know what you are going to do...its....you don't have to be that person." he says but i pull away. "You don't even know me...why do you all care so much" i say this time looking at him. "I don't...i would just hate the thought of having to deal with another ghoulie" he says sarcastically. "Its the only way....he will stop if I join them" i say but he shakes his head in disagreement. "No if you join them they will own you for the rest of your life you will never be free" he says. I stand there angry that he's right. "Do you still like him...is that why you wanna join?" he asks. "No! oh god no.. im so done with him. Im tired of his actions of his bullshit i don't even recognize him anymore." i say while hugging myself. "Then why join them?" he asks as he leans against the wall. "To show him im not afraid of him anymore...yesterday you all showed me that i can stand up for myself. I had forgotten who i was and somehow you all reminded me." i say. "Is that right?" he asks raising his eyebrow. "Yeah...so you coming along? Or can i go now?" i ask him with a mischievous smile. He looks at me confused. "You really going to join?" he asks confused but i stop him. "No im going to go get some food at pops" he nods and heads for his bike. "Im lucky you said yes otherwise i would have to walk there" i say as he hands me a helmet.

We got our food then headed back to school Sweet Pea had ordered food for fangs as well. We got off and were greeted by fangs who just smiled at me. "Got some food lets eat" says Sweet Pea we follow him to a near by table. He gets his food hands me my food and give fangs the bag with his food. "So y/n how you feeling today?" Asks fangs before stuffing a couple fries into his face. "Well I'm not sure I'm okay but I'm not terrible either" I say after sipping my drink. He nods in agreement. "The Riverdale fall festival is coming up are you planning on going?" Asks Sweet Pea. "Umm you asking me out" I say sarcastically making him laugh "I don't think that would be a good idea for me to be there not with the ghoulies.....you know what yeah I will be going, you guys?" I ask realizing that I almost did exactly what I was angry about. "Are you asking us out?" Asks Sweet Pea teasing. "Yeah why not let's have a group date" "okay I'm down" says Fangs I look at Sweep Pea waiting for his answer. "Okay yeah but just us three" he says looking at Fangs. "Nice it'll be fun" says Fangs excited.

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chokememrstark · 6 years

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Requiem Of Memories // Part 12

Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)

Words: 2053 (Chapter 12 / 15)

Fic Summary: Sam still feels awkward after what happened between him and Lucifer, but he enjoys spending time near the angel and hates when he has to leave. On another day when Lucifer is out doing what he does, Sam has a conversation with Meg that opens his eyes about a lot of things and puts everything he knows about this world's Devil into a new perspective.

angst, hurt & comfort, alternative universe, au!lucifer, mourning, depression, blood and gore, nightmares, loneliness, guilt

Note: I highly recommend to read Nightmares Become Reality before this, otherwise the premise of the story and the setting might not make much sense.

Tagging: @shebahda @sassysupernaturalsweetheart @spnyoucantkeepmedown @brieflymaximumprincess @kajuned @archingangel @this-darkness-light @secretlydaydreaminglifeaway @humongouscandycoffee

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Maybe it was just Sam’s imagination, but it felt like he spent more time with Lucifer after they had kissed a few times. It was casual and very similar to the way they spent time before, but it felt like it was more and Sam didn’t really mind. The next day Lucifer’s power had already recharged enough so he could heal himself completely and he informed Sam that the survivors of the Detroit massacre were now with them on the island, just to keep them safe. Of course this made Sam raise a brow, as he wasn’t used to Lucifer caring for his demons, but maybe this one was different in this way too. He had been surprised quite a few times already after all.

Lucifer was still considerate and friendly, nothing in his behavior towards Sam changed apart from him staying with him longer. There were no more kisses and no more intimate touches, but it didn’t become overly awkward either. Sometimes one of them would crack an ambiguous comment or joke to which they both laughed, but none of that felt forced at all, like Sam had feared. They were just the same as before, even though he often thought about their kisses when he laid in bed at night and tried to fall asleep. It was hard not to, really. Sam couldn’t figure out what the truth behind his joy in these moments had been, but every time he thought of them he could barely suppress a smile.

It took about a week before Lucifer told Sam that he had to go on another trip and would stay away for a few days, but he ordered Meg to look after Sam from time to time, so he wouldn’t miss anything. This time, the hunter was visibly sad to see the other leave and voiced his concern about his safety. It wasn’t something he usually did, but this time he couldn’t hold it back.

“Don’t worry, Sam,” Lucifer said with a smile. “I don’t expect any fighting this time, so everything will be fine.”

“I hope so,” Sam sighed and looked sadly at the angel. “Just promise me you’ll be back in one piece, okay? It’s boring when I’m alone here.”

“I promise I will be back soon. Until then, Meg will make sure you have everything you need.”

Sam didn’t like seeing Lucifer leave, but he knew that there were things to take care of, so he didn’t complain. Instead, Sam decided to tidy up his room and find something to distract himself with until Lucifer came back. It was evening when Meg eventually showed up, holding a huge plate in her hands that made Sam’s mouth water.

“Dinner is served,” Meg exclaimed when she put the place down and revealed all the delicious treats for the human. Sam couldn’t have been more obvious with his appetite when he plopped onto a chair next to the plate and began eating. Meg seemed to be very amused when she sat down across of the human. “Damn, is Lucifer starving you or what?”

Sam shook his head and swallowed the bite in his mouth before answering.

“He’s not starving me,” he said with a smile, getting another sausage from the plate. “But these are delicious!”

“Good,” Meg laughed. “Eat up, you need it after all.”

“How are you doing now?” Sam wanted to know, trying to initiate some small talk. “Did everything heal well?”

“Sure, demons have a pretty effective way of healing wounds,” Meg grinned kind of proud. “Took a few days and I was as good as new. Some others were off worse, but by now everyone is recovered.”

“I’m glad everything is okay,” Sam sighed. “Lucifer was very worried, but he said the island would be the safest place for everyone.”

“It is, he’s right,” Meg agreed. “They don’t know we are here, so we will be safe. Lucifer is patrolling with groups of demons daily to make sure the wardings are intact and everything is the way it should be.”

“I noticed that. He’s taking this very serious.”

“Of course, we can’t lose any more innocent people.”

“I wouldn’t call demons innocent, but you are probably right,” Sam huffed. He was about to take a spoon full of vegetables when Meg made him stop dead in his movements.

“Who said the innocents were demons?”

“What?” Sam asked confused and gave her a weird glare. “But, I thought Lucifer’s servants were all demons?”

“Of course, but Detroit was a safe haven for everyone, including humans,” Meg huffed. “They attacked only an hour after we took in a family of four, all human, and they slaughtered every single one of them. Lucifer was furious when he found out, you couldn't imagine.”

“Okay, wait a second…” This didn’t make sense. Why would Lucifer’s demons take in humans and why would Lucifer himself be angry that they were killed? Shouldn’t it be the other way around in both cases? “I can’t follow you, sorry.”

“I don’t know how much you know, but we don’t exactly run around and kill humans,” Meg scoffed.

“I didn’t think you would, but taking them in?” Sam still didn’t get it. “Wouldn’t that be, you know, the other side’s job?”

“The angels keeping humans safe?” Meg laughed so much, Sam thought she would choke from not breathing anymore. All the while he just sat there and stared at her in complete confusion. When her laugh finally ebbed away, her voice was amused beyond reason. “They prefer to smite them on sight, no mercy for humans on their minds.”

“That makes no sense at all…”

Sam tried to imagine angels mercilessly hunting and slaughtering innocent humans, but his mind couldn’t cope with this information. Why on earth would they do something so horrible and cruel?

“You haven’t met the angels in our world yet, huh?” Meg asked with a smirk. “They aren’t really the protective kind you might know. They are ruthless to the very core.”

“Our angels aren’t protective either, but they… they don’t kill humans if they can save them. It’s usually demons who do that…”

“Welcome to Bizarro World, I guess your rules don’t apply here.”

“Okay, now I need some answers.” The food was long forgotten because this new piece of information was all that occupied Sam’s mind at the moment. “If Lucifer protects humans, what’s his goal? I mean, what is this all about if not him trying to end humanity?”

“ End humanity? Are you joking?” Meg laughed again, but this time way more sarcastically. “Lucifer tries to save what’s left of your kind. It’s not easy because the angels literally hunt them down, but sometimes we are successful.”

“That makes absolutely no sense..."

“I don’t know how your apocalypse went down, but ours was pretty straight forward. Lucifer faced his brother Michael on the battlefield and one of them snapped. Small hint, it wasn’t the archangel you know.”

“What do you mean, Michael snapped? What happened?”

“I only know what others told me, sorry, I wasn’t there. But apparently Michael lost it when Lucifer wouldn’t comply to his rules. He wanted to fight, he wanted to settle this once and for all, and Lucifer didn’t play his game. He unleashed a firewall that burned everything within a twenty mile radius and Lucifer barely escaped his anger. Ever since we have to hide like ants because Michael’s troops are always trying to find and destroy us. Sometimes we gain a bit of ground, but more often than not we are forced to hide even better... Detroit is just an example of the way we live sadly.”

“Damn…” Sam hissed. He didn’t expect something so groundbreaking different going down, but he also had no reason to think Meg was lying. There was nothing to gain from doing that, so she must be saying the truth.

“You said your apocalypse happened too, right?” Meg asked curious. “What happened there? What was different?”

“Well,” Sam started, but his throat was too dry to continue. He quickly took a few sips of water and tried again. “They met too, but not like this. I was there because Lucifer possessed me, but I saw everything that happened. They just… talked? They never actually fought though. I managed to jump back into the cage with Lucifer and Michael before anything worse could happen.”

It was hard swallowing down the memories of this fateful day. He remembered everything as if it happened merely hours ago - how Lucifer had beat up his brother and how he suddenly retreated and all he could feel was pain and sadness; how he took control and jumped into what should have been his end. It was as clear as day.

“You jumped into hell, with both of them?” Meg sounded shocked. Sam have her a shrug and a nod. “Damn, Giant, you have some balls to do that.”

“Are you kidding me?” Sam laughed. “I was scared out of my mind! I knew I would die down there but I had to do it, there was no other way. The sole reason to say yes to Lucifer was to get him back in the cage. When things didn't work out and they actually met I grabbed Michael’s arm the last moment and just jumped without thinking.”

“As I said, you got some balls.” Meg seemed to be very impressed. “I don’t know about your Michael, but ours is like a rabid dog. He even kills his angels if they don’t succeed to follow his orders, no matter how ridiculous they were. You’ve dodged a dangerous bullet.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I understand the whole picture yet.” Sam shook his head. “Are you trying to tell me that Lucifer’s goal isn’t to end humanity and destroy earth? That he’s not the bad guy in this scenario?”

“If Lucifer is the bad guy, I’m an angel,” Meg huffed. “He’s the only one standing between Michael and the complete destruction of this world as we know it.”

Sam was completely out of words. How was this possible? How could it be that the Devil was actually trying to save this world and humanity, while his brother tried to destroy it with his angels? If this was true, he had thought about Lucifer in a very awful way until now. All this time he had thought the other hated his kind and tried to kill every single one of them while throwing this world into chaos. He couldn’t believe that it was actually the other way around now.

“That’s not what you expected, isn’t it?” Meg asked and Sam nodded weakly.

“Our Lucifer… he wasn’t the good guy,” Sam mumbled. “He said it himself, he just wasn’t. But what your Michael does… even he would have never gone this far.”

Saying this out loud made Sam feel like a traitor, but it was the truth, wasn’t it? Lucifer had said it himself. But even though he had sacrificed a whole town of humans to summon Death and was responsible for the death of many, many more, Sam didn’t think he would have gone as far as this world’s Michael did. For his Lucifer humans had been an annoyance and a plague, but not so much that he would have actively hunted them and killed them for fun. As much as Sam tried to imagine it, he simply couldn’t. That just wasn’t the Lucifer he knew, good or bad.

“Well, you’re not in Kansas anymore, Alice. This is Wonderland and it sucks.”

Sam smiled weakly, but he couldn’t deny she was right. It was almost impossible to stomach this new information, but it felt as if something in Sam had known the truth for a very long time now. Lucifer had never acted the way someone who was trying to destroy this world would have, or not? When he thought back, even all those years ago, when his own Lucifer had possessed him, there had been no such intention. All he remembered was the overwhelming desire to stop all of this madness... and still, he couldn't process the true meaning of Meg's words just yet.

In the end, this was most definitely Wonderland and it sucked massively, Sam could accept at least that without any questioning.

#samifer #sam x lucifer #sam winchester #spn lucifer #requiem of memories #multi chapter fic #myfics #chapter 12 #angst #finally the truth comes out #but you probably already expected something like this XD

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serenefreakgeekao3 · 7 years

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Something You’ve Forgotten (Part4)

[GUYS I’M SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG BUT IM BACK NOW]

Once Harry left to do Merlin only knows what, Draco was left alone, awake, for the first time. He briefly considered just sleeping to pass the time, though knew he wouldn’t gain anything from it. He doubted he’d be able to, he felt wide awake after their encounter. So he sat there like a lump, studying the room he stayed in and wondering if he was even allowed to get out of bed.

He had just finished counting the number of flowers on the wallpaper when his mother came by some time later carrying a sack of books that she left on the nightstand next to the bed. They sat and spoke about what he remembered and what he didn’t, and she nodded along silently. He took a look at the books once there was no more to be said, Narcissa withdrawing a book of her own from her purse, and they read together silently. It was nice, and Draco tried not to worry about how her hair was too grey, or how she seemed too quiet for his liking.

Everything seemed peaceful until his door slammed open- he should really get someone to move this curtain so he could see the door- and someone rushed in, the sounds of many paper bags swishing against each other and hurried footsteps filling the room.

“Oh good! You’re still awake! I’m so sorry I’m late!” Hermione spoke a bit loudly, and breathlessly as if she ran all the way here. She had three bags in one elbow, four in another, and held two takeout coffee cups in her hands. Her hair had at one point been pinned up to look professional, but now half of it was hanging out and around her face and she just looked like a rushed mess of a person. Her clothes seemed to be wrinkled purple scrubs as if she either slept in them or worked an uncomfortable amount of time nonstop to get them that way. “I got you your favourite, Draco, don’t worry. It’s coffee, so I hope you don’t mind. I definitely needed the caffeine, but I didn’t think about how you might actually be sleeping at a decent hour now.”

Draco just stared at her with an open expression of disbelief. He had never seen her look so ruffled before except on exam days in Hogwarts, and did she just call him Draco? Not Malfoy? Wait- she knew his favourite kind of coffee? Suddenly he remembers something about Harry saying that he and Hermione had gotten awfully close, and he tries to nod slowly without sneering in her direction. “Thank you,” He answers slowly, reaching a hand out to take the coffee that is offered.

Narcissa stands, having already pocketed her book back into her purse, and smiles brightly over toward Hermione. “It was lovely to see you again dear, but I must run off now.” Narcissa leans over to place a kiss on the girl’s cheek and Draco tries not to let his jaw hit the floor. He says his goodbyes to his mother, albeit a bit awkwardly, and watches her leave as he sips his coffee. He thought he loved it black, no cream or sugar, and this was certainly not that. But the flavour agreed with his taste buds and he had no doubt that he would have picked this strangely strawberry and chocolate taste over straight coffee any day.

“Alright darling, hows-about we talk about this now?” She set her coffee down before dumping all the bags onto the floor near his bed, picking up the coffee and downing a few swallows before looking back at him. Realization seems to spread across her features as she freezes, lowering her cup and moving her glance to the floor. “Do you-” She hesitated, biting her lip and glancing up to meet his eyes, “Do you remember us becoming friends at all?”

“I don’t,” Draco readily admits, eyeing her carefully. “Though, I’m not honestly opposed to it. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met, and I’d be the first to admit I was a prat in school. And the view I had about muggleborns when I was in school was only because I had been raised thinking that’s how everyone felt- that I had to feel that way myself.” As he speaks he notices Hermione nod along as if she knew this already, giving each word he says more and more confidence until he’s pouring out everything he wanted to say that day that he stepped on the train after graduation, “I wanted to apologize for my rude behaviour. You’re a good person. It was the way I was raised, and probably a bit of jealousy mixed it. And-” He hesitates, looking away before taking a deep breath, “I apologize for using that word. I’ll never use it again.”

“You’ve already said all this and more, darling. You don’t have to plead your case to me any longer, I’ve forgiven you. I just hope one day that,” She takes a deep breath at this, meeting his gaze steadily, “That you can forgive yourself.” Hermione says this gently before moving slowly to stand beside him and his bed. She leans over quickly, pressing a kiss to the top of his head before moving back some to sit next to his legs on the bed, completely ignoring the chair. “So, I know you’re likely getting tired of this speech, but tell me what you know.”

So he went over the spiel again, a bit awkwardly at first since he was still not accustomed to her presence around him. He stutters over his words, thinking of the clear sign of affection she had just shown him and he can’t seem to reach his gaze to meet her own. He finishes his story abruptly, then squirms a bit in his seat in unease as she keeps her gaze solely focused on him.

“It was me.”

“What?” Draco glances up, confusion written clear across his face as she sighs and finally moves her eyes to the floor.

“The compartment you came across had me in it. Only me.” She pauses for a moment, rubbing her face absently before taking a deep breath and continuing. “Harry had another week at Hogwarts to help McGonagall with something, and Ron had gone to Hogsmeade to meet up with his brother George for something related to their business. I was the only one on the train that day. Every other compartment was full and you warily asked me if you could sit there.” She shrugged, glancing back up at him. “I guess you thought that since it was only me and not the three of us, you’d have a better chance? Anyway, I said you could. We sat in silence for a long time before you apologized for your rude behaviour, much like you did just now, though not as much. It had stunned me, but I accepted it.”

He took this in, moving his gaze to the white sheets spread across his lower half and tried to remember, tried picturing it. He thought he could remember entering the compartment, sitting by himself on one side with some faceless figure on the other. He remembered glancing out the window and watching the landscape blur by, or looking down at the book he had with words that blended together to form nothing. It wasn’t a full memory, but it was something.

“We started getting closer when you arrived for the apprenticeship here. I arrived at the same time. I was surprised that you were here, but I knew you had changed for the better otherwise you would have never apologized before. We ran into each other often, always working the same shifts, and we connected over lack of sleep and fondness of coffee. Soon, I was asking you for levelheaded opinions on my life. I was going through a rough spot with Ron, and you helped me understand that he was just being utterly thick and didn’t mean most of the things he had said to me. You convinced me to give him another chance, to give him time to think of the words he meant and explain it all to me. And so I took your advice, and everything was okay after that.”

Draco was surprised that there was such a conflict big enough to cause the two to consider breaking up. He figured they were mates for life, after everything they’ve been through and how long it took them to get together. Even he could tell early on when they were in their younger years that they were meant for each other. “I’m glad you were able to reconcile then,” Draco muttered quietly in response, not knowing much else to say.

“It’s all fine now, darling. Don’t worry about it at all.” Hermione sighed, patting his leg gently. “Now, what else is there you’d like to hear about?”

Draco glanced up and eyed her, taking in her appearance and complete relaxation around him. Taking in her eyes, which showed compassion and love with no filter. This was real, wasn’t it? Her friendship, her trust? Had he ever been around someone, a friend, that had completely relaxed and spoke the unguarded truth of anything? When Draco answered, his voice was raspy and cracked, and he knew that this was his confession, his admittance, and his utter surrender.

“Everything.”

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#writing:something youve forgotten #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #harry potter #draco malfoy #drarry #hp #hp universe

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krebstar · 7 years

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hey so like i feel absolutely silly doing this but it has been really rough and i’m not sure i can really Handle my mom anymore

this is mostly planning in advance but, i’m in a mentally abusive household and i really need out of it. however, i am a minor so i’m unable to for at least another year. i would really appreciate having the money to move out as soon as i can, which is why i’m making this post.

my paypal is here, and you can buy me a coffee here. i do commissions, too if you would prefer that.

more details about what’s going on are under the cut. it’s... really long but has like. everything i can remember, so.

so... this has been going on as long as i can remember (~10 years old or so). it used to be both of my parents, but my dad passed away and now it’s just my mom.

the earliest thing that i can remember is from the later years in elementary school (3-5th grade? around 8-10 years old?). my dad was terrifying when he was angry and was very loud, and my mom had a tendency of getting me in trouble, and then telling him how awful i was and she would have him yell at me for something he knew very little about (she would make him just jump into the conversation.) this was one of those times, and i was curled up on the floor with him yelling at me, and her standing over me. i remember afterward, i wrote something along the lines of “my happiness is ruined” or “i’ll never be happy” or something of the sort about.. not being happy, then i tore it to shreds.

around middle school (11-14 years) was where everything sort of picked up? my mom began to pick on me with constantly telling me i was breaking out, i looked bad, smelled bad, and so on and so forth. i asked her to stop numerous times and she refused to, laughing in my face whenever i asked. it started to make me feel bad about myself, and is the root of why i’m self conscious.

one day (7th grade) when she was telling at me for something i can’r remember, i told her “i hate myself because of you” and she replied “if you hate yourself because of me, you need to get a life.” thus, marking when i stopped telling her anything.

there was one time at a restaurant, where my mom wanted me to try and do the math for the bill. despite me refusing due to my math learning problems (possibly dyscalculia, but she refuses to get me tested), she continued to try and press it on me. when i continued to say no and got stressed and upset that she was trying to force me to do something i didn’t understand, she reacted badly. she told me that we were joking and laughing (we weren’t, she was very serious) and then told me that i had a “personal problem.”

my mom and i were at my grandma’s over the summer and she told me that she always jokes with me after arguments (meaning: she yelled at me a lot and made me have a panic attack) so i “get over it quicker” / “forget about it”

at one point laptop broke, and my mom called the people to send it in and get it fixed despite already taking her medicine (which wouldn’t have kicked in for another 30 minutes). I was grateful and thanked her, though i was still panicky and crying due to being so dependent on my laptop. i was yelled at for being in that state, and it was another instance when my dad yelled at me as i was curled up on the floor. he yelled at me for not being grateful when my mom called even though she took her medicine, and for some other stuff i can’t remember right. (i do remember pulling my hair hard and calling myself a horrible ungrateful daughter.)

one time when my dad and her were fighting (they were on a brink of a divorce before he passed away) she said that if i wasn’t around, that she would kill herself. she said that.. when i was right there in the other room with the door wide open.

(my dad was always neglectful of me, and never? really gave me the time of day to the point where i didn’t entrust that he could take care of me, and if he payed attention to me, he would just yell at me.)

in 8th grade, my dad passed away by drowning (i feel uncomfortable giving more details about that, if you need them you can PM me, but otherwise i won’t disclose the rest. i have a post about it in my archives somewhere as it was happening.) i grieved “weirdly” i suppose, i didn’t wish to hear the word “dad” or look at the river, let alone be around it. i didn’t want to talk about it with my mom, though i talked about it with my friends.

i continued to not to want to look at the river, and would refuse to, for a couple months. my mom didn’t like this at all and told me to “get over it” several times. and even though i asked her not to talk about him several times, she did anyway, constantly and always.

around freshman year things sort of.. escalated. the rest of this will be taking place from freshman year to current (14-16/almost 17). these might be out of chronological order, but ill try to keep them in order as much as possible. i started writing stuff down around here so im going to start off with the dated ones:

Saturday, January 9 2016: admitted to wanting to slap me Wednesday, January 20 2016: admitted to wanting to slap me Monday, February 22 2016: Oak Court mall in a dressing room: grabbed me by my shirt Wednesday, March 30 (6:00am): “You know one day in the morning you’re going to cop a little attitude and i’m just going to smack you.” (a minute afterward coming and saying she loved me) Monday, August 8th (5:36am) “if you give me a sarcastic attitude this early in the morning, I’ll end up smacking you in the face.” Wednesday, August 31st (9:41am) she was throwing an eraser at me, and when I was showing discomfort, she said “be glad I’m not throwing something bigger at you” and pretended to hit me with my tub of icing

August 9th, 2016: i suggested we leave so we can go feed the cats [that i was catsitting]. she didnt get that, and got mad at me for “never listening to her” because she wanted to feed the cats afterwards. she said i always get what i want, and she wants to get what she wanted. started talking about how i “lived a charm life” and i always “get what i want” and asked me what i “didnt have” and “nothing? yeah”

told her i was upset because i felt like she was so mad at something that wasn’t that big of a deal. the conversation below happened (her voice was slightly raised)

my mom: you always say i get upset with you for nothing me: when was the last time i did that? my mom: the last time we fought me: and when was that?? my mom: my mom: it doesnt matter

she started talking about how it was a problem i think i “always get what i want” and if i didnt think it was a problem that i had a “serious problem” with her. i started to be unresponsive, just looking ahead and replying with “okay” and not being on my phone. she started to try to talk to me, and turned on the radio station i like to listen to. she started to tell me she loved me. she apologized afterwards, and its the only time i can ever remember her apologizing for anything.

there was a time we got into an argument, she said that we “dont have [my] dad to be peacemaker,” completely ignoring that it was NEVER his role to be peacemaker, and that she only ever made him yell at me more.

she talked a LOT about my dad and how awful he was, and about their marriage problems. she told me at one point that her bipolar is so bad because my dad never had sex with her enough.

she attempted to have .... something with one of my really close friend’s dad at one point in time, in the past couple years or so. i walked in on them making out sometime. she wanted to date him-- and lied about it-- and he didn’t because he was a bit weirded out because my dad had still somewhat recently passed away. she cried for a whole 24 HOURS, ignoring sleeping time, about him and about how much she missed my dad, but never let me grieve in my own way.

we were at perkins when the subject of dating was brought up and i told her i was uncomfortable with it (it hadnt even been a year, or had just been a year or something) and she told me, again, to “get over it”

and, then, she got her boytoy (who we’ll call larry) and successfully got (and still has) a friend with benefits. she lied to me a long time, and told me that they weren't together or anything despite them fucking while i was home, and NOT being silent about it, either. i eventually told her i knew and that it made me uncomfortable that they had sex while i was at home. she told me to get over it at first, that i always got everything i asked for, so on and so forth.

after a while, and me continuously asking her not to have sex while i was home because i already walked in on her once, she told me that it was her house and that her friends couldn’t “believe the audacity [i] had asking her not to fuck while im home” and she.. hasn’t stopped. ive actually found her bondage gear recently.

(sidenote on larry: hes... really disgusting. he watched one of my friends take a shower while she was over, and when i told my mom that she said “well not everyone is perfect.”)

and then... the night that prompted me to start this post, which happened october 8th. she left me home alone for ~30hours (and i only saw her for 2 of those), which... i had already told her numerous times that i dont like to be home alone at night because it causes my delusions to act up and makes me very paranoid. on the third night she was gone, i texted her a handful of times asking how she was because i hadn’t seen her, and i missed her (a novel concept) and.. that was apparently the wrong thing to do.

she came home at 2am that night and started to ask me why i could never be home alone and making it way deeper than it actually needed to be. she called me a coward for my delusions, selfish, and told me that she didn’t think i was going to be a functioning human being. she told me that im faking my mental illnesses because i want an excuse to be scared (which ill get into later*) and refused to acknowledge the research i had done on these mental illnesses. at one point she was guilt tripping me, and i gave in and admitted it was my fault... and then she..? guilt tripped me? for that. she said that i was just “saying that to make [her] feel bad.” she told me that i was making up my mental illness symptoms by telling me that they’re.... “in [my] head” and that i cant be mentally ill because ive stood up for myself twice. (the only reason that i’ve stood up for myself is because the things that were happening were very hazardous to my health and i was close to killing myself)

i had been sleeping in her room because my air conditioning upstairs wasnt working and it was too hot to exist up there at all, and so i packed the items i brought down with me, and was moving to go upstairs. she forced me to stay downstairs because i was “running away from the conversation” (which ill also get into later**) and forced me to stay the night downstairs. after the conversation was said and done, she returned and told me “do you ever think your delusions and hallucinations are overactive imagination because of your ocd and you think of the worse possible scenario when you hear a noise?” which is...not how anything works.

the following morning, she was EXTREMELY petty and wouldnt let me leave her side since “i missed her so much!!” and continued to force me to spend time with her and refused to let me on my laptop or phone. she started to yell at me again (which i cant really remember what she said, but she called me selfish for.. wanting her around?)

BONUS CONTENT :) aka stuff that i wasnt able to put in to keep it chronological

my mom has always threatened to ground me because of crying (though she said she would “never ground me because it would ground [her] too”) and im basically... not allowed to feel anything but happy, because if i express any other emotion it always results in her yelling at me for some reason.

*she gladly admits that i inherited OCD from my dad (who had an extreme case, as well as almost my dad’s whole entire family) but refuses to admit that i also inherited psychosis from her. ive brought up that im pretty sure i have DPDR, but she also refuses to even learn what it is and tells me that im just faking it. she won’t get me help, and says she won’t.

**my mom walks away whenever she doesnt get her way in an argument. she has left me in the middle of a museum in another state (not without shouting “fuck you” at me from across the room first), in the middle of a parking lot for at least 5 minutes, walked out of my grandma’s house twice, and then walked away from me another time downtown (thankfully i was with a friend.)

she shits on literally anything i enjoy. we go to the movies, i show her shows, i talk about things i like and she always has to find something she hated about it. even when she cant find anything specific, she replies with “eh it was okay” and doesn't fake it to ever let her child enjoy something. i always feel bad immediately after. the most recent example i can think with this is seeing moana with her.

if anything Major Happens(tm) ill probably reblog this and add it on, but until then.................. yeah

#donation #donation post #abusive mother #abusive parents #idk what to tag this as lol #i feel dumb as HELL doing this but whatever i guess #be quiet kool kat

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thehalfworld · 7 years

Text

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 3]

I have to warn you all that this chapter has a rape scene in it. It’s completely ridiculous, and I really don’t know if that makes it better or worse. Proceed with caution.

Recap: Edward gave into tempation and tried putting the moves on Tiaa. She went along with it at first, but then pushed him away because they were in public and Edward already has a girlfriend. Edward seems to think Tiaa is a vampire, even though she doesn’t appear to be and his thinking she is doesn’t really make sense.

Chapter 1 Previous chapter

AN - hi guys hope u like this one im quite proud of it!

That’s a bit worrying.

thanx for the suport from my frends love u girls!glad u like it! oh an VINCENT ur so dumb of course tiaa didnt go to math in only her bra shes not a total ditz!

Hey, you never said she put her shirt back on! Actually, you also described Edward ripping it off her, and we know it’s made out of fishnet, so… I kinda doubt she still has a shirt left to put back on.

one more time...DONT READ IF U DNT LIKE IT!

I can’t imagine not liking this story. I’m being serious. It’s a masterwork. It’s right up there with “My Immortal” in my eyes.

NO frickin flames what is the POINT of flamin ppl there is NO POINT so f off!

I think the point is to annoy the author. Which appears to be working.

Capter 3 – uncle larry

Wow! Really looking forward to the capter!

I sa t alone watching tv at dave and maries house. I couldnt stop thinking about my encounter with Ewdard Cullen earlier that day. He was so beuatifull and sexoy with such amazing hair and eyes I could hardly believe he had notice someone like me!

Just me or is she a tad fixated on his hair?

Also… Tiaa isn’t the sort of girl who blends in, and she knows it. She’s aware that she’s pretty and she’s used to getting attention — both positive and negative — because of her looks. She’s also loud (she yelled at Edward when he bumped into her), and she dresses in a manner that… well, let’s just say most small-town high school students don’t dress like Tiaa. This girl isn’t ordinary and she’s well aware of it. Why the false modesty?

But I was angry at how he had made me feel, how I'd burnt like crimson hot flame wean he touched me and how he'd not listened to me when id' told him to fring off, and how he dared to touch me at all when he had a GF anyways, even if she was a mean girl with an ugly heart and not that hawt.

Not only has she not met Bella yet, she hasn’t heard anyone talk about Bella either, so I don’t know how she came to the “she’s a mean girl with an ugly heart” conclusion.

But nomatter how much I try to hate him, I simply couldn't. Suddenly the phone range

"hello "

"hey, is that altantiana?"

"yah who is this?" I aksed.

"its Mike nooton from your class!

She hasn’t met Mike yet either, unless that happened in the deleted scenes or something. I guess, if he called her house phone, that he could have got Dave and Marie’s number out of the school directory… but this seems a little weird if they’ve literally never met.

I was wondering if your wanted to go to La Plush with me too morrow night maybe?

To clarify, he is talking about a beach. He means La Push. Stuffed animals are probably not involved.

Theres a party on the beech with whole crowd of us going and I thought you seemed relay nice so I thought maybe youd want to me my date please? -

I can maybe buy that a high school boy is desperate enough to ask a random pretty girl to a party with him in the hopes that maybe it’ll kindle some sort of romance, but this is a really bad way to go about it. Asking out a girl you’ve never met is… not the best plan. Why not just frame it as inviting her along because she’s a new student and it would be a good opportunity for her to hang out and make friends? You don’t have to be explicit about your crush before you’ve even had a conversation with her.

Also I think Mike is already dating Bella’s friend Jessica, but fuck her, I guess.

"arent you the guy who hangs out with all the pathetic chearleaders and stuff?" I asked

"you mean bella and jessica's gang?

I’m gonna wait a bit to talk about how weird it is that Bella is hanging with a “gang” of cheerleaders, but like… why does Tiaa know Mike hangs out with them? Again, this is their first conversation, and (as far as we know) the first time she’s even heard of him.

Sometimes I guess but theyr'e way shallow and not as hot as you.

He’s maybe undermining his own point there.

And they can be mean sometimes.-"

So… like anyone, then?

"then why do hang out white them then you shallow CREEP!and why are you askin me out when you harely no me mike! Cos u think im' hot? Why cant you see your just as shallow if you want to date someone just cost of what they look like - I'm not THAT pretty anyways!

Oh, Tiaa, you and I were on the same page until you pulled the fake modesty card. Besides, isn’t this a bit of an overreaction? He asked you to hang out with him at the beach, it’s not like he’s proposing marriage or anything.

And even if i was, I'm SO screwed up in the bran you cant even imagine! u would no want to date me if you new how screwed up I was!"

What exactly does she mean by “screwed up in the brain bran”? Like, are we talking legitimate mental illness, or is this just teenage angsting? And, in either case, what exactly is her problem that makes her undateable? This is about the vaguest possible rejection, and I don’t know if she’s implying something is actually wrong with her or that she’s just Not Like Other Girls.

"I would, tia, beleive me I would! Your so beautiful you cant even imagine. Your so pretty people lose there minds when your around and forget there names and forget to brethe!

That’s your only reason? She’s pretty? Weren’t you saying something about cheerleaders being shallow a minute or two ago?

How can't you have noticed that?

Decent point, actually. If your character is dropping jaws and turning heads with her beauty, either she’s aware she’s beautiful or there’s a reason she doesn’t realize. Like… maybe Tiaa thinks the people staring at her are doing so because of how she dresses, not because they think she’s pretty. Tiaa has actually seemed pretty aware of her effect on others throughout, though, so unless she’s just playing modest around Mike for some reason this scene doesn’t make any sense.

And I don't CARE how screwed up you are! It only maked you more interesting!

He’s not even gonna ask for clarification on that?

Your cool and different and you are honest about stuff! you are right to be angry with me. I'm sorry for benign shallow and dumb just give me a chance to show you how much I care, please? "

The argument he’s making would probably be way more convincing if this wasn’t, you know, their first conversation ever.

"well...ok maybe ill go along if I dont have anything else to do" i said, not believing a word he said about how pretty i was.

Oh, come on.

"thank you altantiana thank you so much!" he sounded so happy I couldnt help but smile as I put the phone down but my smile faded as I return to my thoughts. Mike Nooton was kinda cute and seemed like an ok guy but he was nothing next to Ewdard Cullen.

Yeah, I guess when compared to the weird dude who tried to fuck you in a locker room and threw a shirt at your head Mike really isn’t worth a second thought.

Even though I was anger with edward than I have ever been with anyone in my life and part of me wanted to chop his head off with a sore, a part of my soul would all ways remain in that coridoor where we had kissed so hard and passionably.

My mistake, they were in a hallway, not a locker room. Not sure if that’s better or worse, but, depending on how busy that hallway normally is, it’s probably worse.

I creamed myself.

Didn’t need to know that.

My heart had soared that day like never before, and i new that no one else would ever make me feel like that again, then I thought how he was a cheater and a bastard and my face burnt with shame. I couldn't beleive I had behaved like such a hore.

I mean… she didn’t, really. She went along with his advances up to a point, and it doesn’t really show good judgement on her part, but he was the one acting like a “hore” in this situation. Putting the moves on a random girl in a public space when you’ve already got a girlfriend? Keep it classy, dude.

I was scared of the affect he had on me.

Effect. “Affect” is a verb. Nice sentence otherwise.

(Okay, if you’re a grammar pedant, “affect” isn’t always a verb… it can also be a noun, when we’re talking in a psychology context, which Tiaa isn’t.)

"bye tiaa! We'll be back on Thursday ok?" mari put her head rind the door suddenly

"Ok then, have fun" I wispered clammily..dave and marie where visiting relatives for a few day.

Convenient. Two less characters for the author to have to deal with.

Wait, no, oh my god, I just remembered what happens in this chapter.

"you look so pretty" she says, smiling -your the prettiest gril i've ever seen!”

I… okay, that’s some natural dialogue.

"omg whatever" I reply. I hated it wen people say that.

Come on, girl, it’s just a compliment! Not like she’s hitting on you! At least I hope not.

I pulled my blond hair over my face. I was wearin a short hot pink dress cut low with black lace frills at the bottom and black lace stocking.

I kind of like that Tiaa is a goth girl who likes bright pink. There are plenty of real-life goth girls like that, but you pretty much never see them in fanfiction.

"daves brother larry will be looking after you wile where gone you'll be ok when where gone wont you tiaa? I hate to leaven you alone like this!"

You know “leaven” is what you do to bread to make it rise, right?

"i don't need a freakin babysiter u no!" i was so embarasing, I could look after myself!

Freudian slip? I mean, she is pretty embarrassing.

Marie smiles and leaves the house.

Marie doesn’t give a fuck, it seems.

"greeting a;latnaniana my names uncle larry" said uncle larry, he came in threw the door he was fat and bald with tiny black eyes and a red face

You know he’s a bad guy because he’s ugly. That’s how it works!

"Hey - i said

"your the orphan arent you" he says "is it true you kiled your mother when she gave birth to you?”

Nice to meet you too, Uncle Larry.

"Wat!" I cry, my eyes filling with tears

"your an evil bich arent u? Go outsite and wash my car" he shouts angerly

I’ve just thought of a fun game. There are five more chapters left. Let’s all place bets on which chapter Uncle Larry will get horribly murdered in.

I stood up and left to wash his car. I got soap and a bucket, afraid of what he would do if I refuzed. I went outside and started to wash hush car it was a red porche. He came outside and wached me and I new he was waching me!

I know the implication is he’s watching her in a pervy way, but if I was making someone wash my car and I didn’t particularly like them I’d keep an eye on them too.

After a minite he came over and hit me hard across the face

"wft!" i shouted

What Fuck The?

He poored the bucket of water all over me and hit me again,. I was wet and crying and he started to rip my dress and bra of me and rip my clothes. He touched my naked breats and I try to push him off me I screamed at him to stop but he did'nt. He bent me over the bonet of his car and spanked me on the ass for half an hour then he pulled my panties down and started to rape me!

I really don’t want to be laughing at a rape scene, because rape is one of those things that’s just inherently unfunny, but… this is testing me. I mean, an entire half hour of spanking? The dramatic announcement that he began raping her after he forcibly stripped her naked and spanked her for thirty minutes, as if this is a surprise? The fact that all of this is happening in plain view of any neighbors Dave and Marie might have? Good lord. I truly do not know how to react.

I also have to wonder why Tiaa makes little attempt to fight back here. It’s pretty reasonable to freeze up when you’re violently attacked, but Tiaa has proven that she’s both capable and willing to fight off anyone she perceives as a threat (kung fu babie!) previously in the story. Is Uncle Larry too physically powerful for her to win against? We don’t really know how big he is compared to her, and Tiaa has been described as strong and fast previously. Both of them are unarmed, and, if there are neighbors, the noise should alert someone to what’s going on (Tiaa has been shouting/screaming throughout). Why is he getting away with all this? Oh, right, plot reasons.

"stop raping me!" I cry but he didnt stop!

Shocker.

The pain was terrible even tough his manhood was small.

Didn’t need to know about his dick, thanks!

I cryed and cryed but he didnt stop for hours and when he finally stopped he left me on the floor and spat in my face and left me there.

Wait… hours? This guy has impressive stamina.

I pulled on my clothes and cryed madly and ran off into the seething darkness of the midnight street. I ran and ran un till I came to some woods and then I fell down in the woods and cryed.

“Seething darkness of the midnight street” is a pretty good phrase, actually. I mean, super cheesy and doesn’t really mean anything, but if this was lyrics some alt-rock band wrote I’d accept it.

Suddenly a blast of white light exploded in head and my mark on my hand burned like a flame. I closed my eyes and saw the face of a tall white man looking over me with no expression, his eyes were burning red and his face glimmered cold and bright as the moon,.

It was… VLODEMONT AND DA DETH DEALERS!

I fell back from the brightness of his body, his hair was dark as night,.

It was… VOLSEMORT IN A WIG AND DA DEATH DEELRS!

"atlantiana?" he whisperd in a voice softer than clouds -my daughter?-

Well, we all saw that one coming a mile off.

"omg" I whisperd as my mind went blank and the world went dark.

I hope she whispered the acronym instead of saying “oh my god.” Her dad will be totally confused! Old people don’t know how acronyms work!

Next chapter

#forbidenfruit.mst #fandom:twilight #halfworld.mst

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wednesdirose · 5 years

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So this is the end of my rope.

I am HIGHLY aware of the fact that I have said before that, “Today I want to kill myself more than I ever have before,” but today tops that last time. I may have used that title to... I’m a creature of habit (Also anyone that remembers this: Hello! I think you may be like the fact that i’m still alive, if you were someone cared. That’s probably not gonna last but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

The other day I was depressed and becoming increasingly more suicidal by the moment, so I decided to go to my parents apartment and spend time with my family. Both of my older brothers in the last like 6 months have moved back home so my parents apartment has a lot of people in it (6 people including my little siblings who are not yet old enough to move out). I find just being around people makes me feel better even if I am not actually engaging anyone or being engaged by anyone. I ended up staying for a whole week and a day, and only leaving to go to work once and then returning back because it was still an option. The day before my last day there my brother came home drunk.

He was not only drunk but upset and feeling depressed because of the pressure he is currently feeling as a very talented, under appreciated and taken advantage-of sound engineer. I missed most of him going off and being upset and venting about his current situation but when I came into the convo, It was crazy because he was saying a lot of things I felt but in terms of his own life. I honestly didn’t know what to say other than I know how he feels and to just listen. He apologized for venting and being emotional and unloading on me and my other brother’s girlfriend (whom he was venting to before I came into the room) but I told him that It was totally fine! And that he knows I’m not gonna judge him. I’m honestly the last one who can judge anyone and he and my family knows it because I've almost killed myself before and was sent to a psych ward. I REALLY can’t judge anyone’s problems. This prompted my brother to say that he loves me and he side hugged me and told me this is why I was his favorite and that I was always was understanding that he felt like I understood him even more than his twin sometimes. He told me he wasn’t just saying it because he was drinking and that he had only had a beer and that he wasn’t that drunk( which I believed at the time because he wasn’t slurring his words but my brothers are drinkers and it takes a lot to get them slurring. He also retracted this statement the next day and said that he wasn’t wasted but was totally drunk.) He started saying all sorts of stuff like he really appreciates me and that he always thought that I was awesome and he was glad that I was in his life. He said that he has always admired me because good or bad I’ve always done what I wanted to do and I’ve always done things my way. He said all these things that I’ve always wanted to hear and I remember thinking that this is everything I’ve wanted hear.... BUT it didn’t FEEL like was hearing what I was hearing. It felt like a regular convo. Then he mentioned drinking again and a memory flooded back to me.

You see me and my older brothers have been friends for three-ish years. My older brothers HATED me when we were little and would sometimes bully me. But it wasn’t completely my or their faults. Up until the third grade my father would manipulate me and use me as a weapon against my brothers, which was something I didnt realize until was much older. My father would bribe me with food and affection and things that I wanted in return for me to “tattle” to him about suspicions he had about my brothers. My brother were very mischievous boys, so almost all of the time he was right. My father being a military man was very harsh, and would give them (looking back) EXTREMELY harsh punishments. He punished them the way his father would (a man my father still considers satan and wouldn’t let me meet when he was alive because he was evil.) This made my brothers hate me. And they hated me for most of my life and showed it.

The memory was of a night when I was in 7th grade and my teenage brother came home drunk. REALLY DRUNK. He came to my room and started talking to me and I don’t remember what he said but that was the FIRST time I ever felt like he LIKED me and that I wasn’t alone, which I was starting to feel more and more. He said all these nice things to me and it felt good and it was an important moment to me. The next morning I tried to talk to him about it.... and he smacked me in my face. Hard. And he told me that I was a liar and that it didn’t happen.

In that moment I decided to share this memory with him (even though he was feeling shitty because IM shitty) and he said that he remembered, which is significant because I thought he wouldn’t remember that or tell me I was lying which was a reoccurring thing every time I tried to bring up shitty things they’ve done to me. But he said he remembered and that he was sorry and that he did so many shitty things to me that I probably don’t even remember (Which mind you, I do. I’ve held on tight to every fucked up thing my family members have EVER done to me.) He said he was so sorry for everything and that his problem with me wasn’t really with me but my father and he didn't realize that until he was older. And then it was like 6 am and he needed to go to sleep.

Looking back on this night I realize why I didn’t feel anything when he said the things I wanted someone to tell me and that that memory was a warning and a reminder. That he was only saying those things because he was drunk and in his feelings and that he probably wouldn’t say any of it otherwise.

My WHOLE LIFE I’ve felt alone. The only time I didn’t feel alone is when I was with my “High school sweetheart” of almost 2 years and he left me. He left me because I was broken and depressed and fucked up and I didn't know how to love someone or be in a relationship or treat someone and I was (in hindsight) Very abusively clingy and over barring towards the end. I’ll probably never be able to convince anyone else to stay with me past the dating phase, enter into relationship with me and actually stay.... And I don’t blame them. And Ill probably never find someone as close to perfect for me as he was and I fucked it up because that’s what i’m good at. Ruining everything. He even IMMEDIATELY hopped into a relationship with someone else. SO that can tell you how much of a nightmare I was. He still visits my dreams sometimes, so that tells you how much he impacted me and how much I loved him. Sometimes we get back together in my dreams or are together and those are the hardest fucking mornings. I’m not sure if I miss him or something or what that means.... I think it's just because he is the only person I’ve been able to convince to love me and the only person I’ve TRULY opened up to and who knew (the high school version of) the real me and still wanted to be with me...

My father left my mother when I was like 12 years old. And when they divorced he basically divorced me too. He moved out and I didnt see him for a while because he “didnt have furniture” or whatever. Then we (me and my little sister) would barely go over his house because he always had some fabulous excuse. Most of the time it was car related or he had work or medical related. Then when we would go over his house he would stay to his self in his room and barely interact with us unless is was time for a meal or he was taking us to church with him (which he stopped going to a few year into the separation) and HE WOULD STILL PICK UP SHIFTS on his weekends with us. The REALLY funny thing is sometimes he would leave to a girlfriends house, which at first I would go but after awhile I was just like nope because he would spend time with the girlfriend and me and my sister would be stuck with the girlfriend’s stupid kids. OR he would invite over his lady friends and be in his room with them. But were our weekends about us, his daughters, and spending time with us?? No. He did that for 6 years.

It’s funny because I felt like he was the only one in my corner until he divorced us. I always felt like my mom just liked my brothers more and she always took their side but my dad was always in my corner. Even against the love of his life. But looking back I dont have any real memories of that man. Because even in selling out my brothers for affection and trying my hardest to get that man to show me he loved me, He never really gave a fuck. I remember when I learned the word “bond” and realized that normal families “bond” from watching TV. I began to ask my parents especially my father, whom did not work most of my childhood, to “bond” with me. IS THAT NOT FUCKING PATHETIC?! I had to beg my parents to bond with me. My father, whom spent most of his time in the front room on his fat ass watching tv, told me just sitting next to him quietly while we watched BET was “bonding”. IS THAT NOT FUCKING PATHETIC?! If anyone is wondering, I dont know a damn thing about that man frfr. But at least he isn’t a dead beat right? My parents moved in together last year to save money and I go over there all the time. Does he take initiative to spend time with me or even really talk to me? No. He doesn’t. I’m 21 and known him for 21 year and he’s just like every other stranger. The only difference is I have a key to his apartment.

My mother and I have NEVER had a great relationship. We currently have a pretty okay relationship but in my adolescence I thought my own mother hated me (up until I almost killed myself at 17. Then she was a WHOLE lot nicer all of a sudden.) I really didnt have a relationship with my mother as a child because she was always the “bread-winner” and her spouse was always playing “stay at home dad,” until she left my little brother’s dad. She would leave for work before I woke up for school, come home looong after I got there, crack open a can or a box for dinner, go to sleep and start over. I practically raised myself through middle school and through TV, Google and other middle-schoolers, I taught myself how to be a girl and take care of myself. I still to this day wish I had an older sister who could have helped me navigate certain things and avoid ridicule about other things.... but I didnt. I had two older brothers, going through their own shit, raising themselves, whom hated me. She is also an AF AM mother and not to stereo type black families but black families have a tendency to perpetuate toxic behavior with each other in terms of ridiculing each other and tearing each other down and thinking its funny. SO, I being my family’’s weirdo and an outsider in my family, got the worst of it, especially from her (especially after my father abandoned me in that house with her.) I remember in middle school she asked me on two separate occasions if I felt like she loved me. I should have said no, But I didn’t know that then. What I said was, “Of course! You’re my mother and you have to love me.” Both times she responded the same: “I don’t Have to love you.” At the time I didn't understand this but I do know. Because she was always working and having to support five kids by herself she was always stressed. I was unlucky enough to be the target of this stress hurricane. By the time I was in high school, she had lost complete control over my brothers so all of the house work and taking care of my little sister and EVERYTHING, including her stress hurricane, fell on me. And as a depressed/lazy teenager, who could see how unbalanced the way she treated me was versus my siblings, I was not about it. The older I was getting the more I began to stand up for myself or in her eyes, became disobedient. Our relationship throughout my teenage years was TERRIBLE. And we had NEVER had a "good” relationship to begin with so it was REALLY REALLY TERRIBLE. Once I almost killed myself and costed her hundreds of dollars (which she made sure I knew I was costing her) to send me to a psych ward and for meds and a psychiatrist and a psychologist, She began to realize that I’m a pathetic, sensitive crybaby who will kill myself if you're mean to me, and slowly (but surely) began to be nicer to me. Our relationship in present day is much better but my Mother being my mother she has NEVER apologized for ANYTHING she has EVER done to me (except back when my parents were married and my father would make her apologize to me if he felt she did something wrong) and she never will apologize or admit to treating at least a little bit worse than she should have and I will NEVER forget, so I will NEVER move on and we will NEVER be that close. I had to move out because she was still treating me like shit without realizing it and letting her shitty husband treat me unfairly (my parents are still technically married because divorces are expensive.) It got to the point where he was complaining about how much food I ate so I went on a diet but my little siblings were eating up their snacks and blaming it on me and he tried to say that I have to start helping pay for groceries BUT I WASN'T EATING!!!!! I literally STOPPED EATING AT MY HOUSE (except for dinner, which my mom always made two servings of so she wouldn't have to cook the next day.) Yeah one meal a day at the VERY end of the day people. I would wait until he was settled into his room after dinner to make my plate. When I moved out, that women cried and said she felt like she was just now “getting to know me.” CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS FUCKING WOMEN?! I wanted to laugh in her fucking face and say that she had 20 years. 20 years.

(Side bar: I should have saved her some money and just killed myself)

I’ve come to the realization from that night in my brothers room, that I wouldn’t be this fucked up if the people who were supposed to be there for me actually treated me right and paid attention to me when I needed it and did what they were supposed to do WHEN I NEEDED IT! Maybe if when I was growing up and needed to be shown love and affection and attention, I wouldn’t have problems connecting with people now and I wouldn’t feel so alone all the fucking time! I could have a healthy relationship and actually love someone and be lovable and I would have real friends and I wouldn’t have went through HALF the shit I’ve been through with people OUTSIDE of my family and I would have known and would know how i’m supposed to be treated by someone who is my friend and someone who claims to love me.

BUT they didnt. No one did. I needed someone (ANY FUCKING ONE) and NO one was there and now I’m fucking broken and have YEARS AND YEARS of attachment trauma and it cant be fixed. AND that’s soooo not the worst of it! I have abuse stories and other shit that I haven't even shared with anyone but one of my therapist and I didnt even feel ready to tell her EVERYTHING just the gist of it. I have OCEANS OF PROBLEMS that can’t be solved. Wounds that can’t heal. I can’t even talk about the problems I have with my family because throughout my whole life we’ve NEVER talked about anything or addressed ANYTHING. There are NO apologies or resolutions or any of that bullshit. If something happens we just wake up the next day as a family like it didn't happen and that's that about that. And honestly I feel like that’s why I can never address any problems I have with people outside of my family or resolve problems or fix anything, which has RUINED great relationships for me.

Anyway. I needed to get that out. SO thank you if you read that bullshit and thank you if you actually care, I guess. This is the end. I’m gonna stop self medicating with weed, which is what I’ve been doing since I stopped taking Zoloft in 2016. It’s actually been working for the most part. It’s not a perfect solution but when I’m high I don’t think about my problems and I feel like I can think about things less emotionally. I’m just gonna stop smoking everyday and let my depression do that thing it does and if I kill myself, Thank god!, and if I don’t, Thank god. And that’s where I’m at on the subject of life and living and the sort.

And Yes before you suggest it smart ass, I have seen multiple therapists and psychiatrists. AND yes I’ve tried other meds besides zoloft and I stopped taking meds because they dont work. AND NO, I’m super uninterested in putting money in greedy ass doctors pockets to take every stupid pill on earth, till I “find the right one.” A pill is not going to get rid of 21 years of misery. It’s just a pill.

#sorry not sorry for typing a whole novella #depression #attachment trauma #suicide #it took me 5 hours to write this and three glasses of wine #wine that I should have checked the alcohol content on #certainly not high enough for me

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jarchieriverdale · 7 years

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Okay so I literally just started writing this Jarchie thing (I put it under the cut) and want to know what everyone thinks/if I should continue it/put it up on AO3 etc etc. Especially since I wasn’t aiming to have a WIP for Jarchie but here I am, writing a thing.

I’m basing it more off the new comic versions, but I’m also keeping in mind the TV show, so I won’t have Grundy and I’ll probably keep Jug in the beanie as opposed to the cap. Idk yet, I haven’t made any description of it yet. It’s got ace Jug, possibly aro, since yeah I am basing it more off the comics but im not sure yet and I just want to say that because hell it may end up having qpr jarchie but then it might not idk idk this is just the first chapter.

Basically, I wanted to write one of those disgustingly cliche high school AUs, except obviously they’re canonically in high school. So AU instead where Jughead and Archie were never friends. Jughead’s that emo loner & Archie’s that popular jock dating that popular girl (Ronnie) and every girl wants Archie. EXCEPT Archie’s kinda pining after Jug, but has never done or said anything because he doesn’t think Jug would care or want to even be his friend or anything (’then why’s he dating Ronnie?’ you may ask, it’s in the chapter’s my fellas).

So it’s kinda like, you know the story line... that guy that’s perfect and every girl wants but he ends up falling for that one girl who’s average and underwhelming and people are like HOLY SHIITTT HOWWW because they’re destroying the social ladder or some shit. And writing those really cliche scenes, except all of a sudden, I’ve realised, they might not be that cliche because this is Jug we’re talking about like... how will this fold out? As cliche as I was planning to write? Or maybe not so much??? idk...

Currently about 3k words under the cut! (not edited since I JUST wrote it)

Jughead Jones was more of a loner type, and nobody questioned that. He seemed to prefer to be on his own, sitting by himself during lunch hours, a pile of food to one side of him, his computer on the other. Maybe he was playing video games, maybe he was typing, nobody really knew.

It’s not that he was entirely alone, though. Sometimes he was with Betty Cooper and Kevin Keller, other times Dilton Doiley. If they invited him anywhere, one could sometimes hear him accepting, but most times he’d turn them down.

So by choice, really, he spent time alone.

And so he was today just before school began, sitting and munching on a banana and face glued to his computer screen, until Betty and Kevin came running over to him. It was the gleam in their eyes that Jughead knew what they were going to talk about, maybe even ask his opinion on.

“PFG is dating Veronica Lodge,” Kevin said to him, after hastily taking the seat beside him.

Ah yes, teen drama. Even worse: teen dating drama. Which Jughead held about as much interest in as the supermodels in underwear calendar everyone had been swooning about two weeks ago. (As a side note, some of the underwear had appeared entirely unpractical, but nobody would listen to Jug when he pointed that out).

“Who and who now?” Jughead asked, but a memory resurfaced on what PFG was. Ah yes, Popular Football God, Archie Andrews.

“Yes see, check out my twitter! It’s blowing up!” Kevin ignored the question and shoved his phone in Jughead’s face and. Cross-eyed, Jug attempted to read a couple of so-called tweets:

Sheila Wu @sheilabeauty101 #PFG dating #lodgeheiress IM SCREAMING

Reggie Mantle @radreggieman I can confirm @awesomearchie is dating @veronicalodge

“And this should interest me because?” Jughead asked, taking a huge bite of his burger.

“Veronica Lodge is a reality TV star,” Betty said, “that’s a big deal.”

“Was a reality star,” Kevin said, “I doubt she’s that big of a deal anymore.”

“Says the news vans outside the school we just pushed past...” Betty rolled her eyes.

There’d been news vans?? Jughead munched on his burger, trying hard to think back to a few minutes ago, a difficult feat, but he recalled someone sticking a microphone up to his face as he tried to walk into the school. They asked about something that he could no longer remember, and he’d ignored them and gone right in.

“Well, whatever,” Kevin sounded bitter.

Jughead wasn’t sure why until Betty said, “Look, I know you think Archie should’ve said yes when I asked him out-,”

Kevin hummed an affirmation.

“-But he doesn’t like me like that. I’m completely content on just being friends. Please don’t be terrible to him.”

“I’m not being terrible to him,” Kevin muttered, scrolling on his phone, “or to anyone. It just doesn’t seem fair...”

Jughead finished his banana and pulled an apple out of his pocket, “It’s not like anyone can do anything about it. If somebody doesn’t like someone that’s hardly anyone’s fault. No point getting angry.”

“You’re exactly right, Jug,” Betty said, and then to Kevin, “just leave it be, Kev. I’ll find someone worthy of me.”

“That you will,” Jug said to her and Betty flashed him a smile before the two left, leaving Jughead to go back onto his computer and eat his food in peace.

It was just one date! Archie was fuming as he scrolled down his twitter feed. Of course this would happen, goddammit. It’s not that he didn’t like Veronica – he did, but he just wasn’t sure yet. And okay, he was hoping with one date he would figure it out but... he hadn’t.

The worst thing was everyone kept stopping him in the hallways when all he wanted to do was be alone and read through the tweets of what people were saying. Maybe contact Veronica and ask what she thinks about it.

She probably doesn’t mind, Archie thought with a pang of annoyance, he’d seen her talking to the media outside the school.

Archie, on the other hand, had gone around the back. He made his way into the bathroom, going to the end stall and locking himself into it. He put the toilet seat down and sat, also moving his legs up so they wouldn’t be in view at the bottom of the cubicle.

He texted Veronica, now content he had some peace and quiet.

Ronnie, howd every1 find out so fast?

When he didn’t get a reply right away he gripped his phone tighter, deciding he had to look away because otherwise the text would never come if he stared at his phone. Why does one always get messages when they aren’t look at their phone? It’s some sort of law of the universe.

So Archie stared at the bathroom wall, the tiles covered in scribbles of texts. Phone numbers, insults, and praises. Information, gossip, and crude drawings. He read through all of them, though one line written in thick, black marker met his eyes:

jughead jones is a fugly emo

And scribbled furiously underneath in a slimmer, redder marker:

Leave Jug alone!! Ass!!

Archie reached into his varsity jacket pocket, pulling out an ordinary black ink pen. Most people used permanent markers on the wall, but he could make do with this. He scrawled underneath in a manner so no one could guess it was his writing:

JUGHEADS P CUTE ACTUALLY

He’d never really spoken to the guy... well, occasionally he had. He’d tried to hit him up a couple of times but Jughead never appeared interested.

Okay, well ‘hit him up’... more like ask a question in the middle of class. Like what he’d asked him last month, for example. It was a Tuesday, just after lunch, when Archie found himself sitting next to the guy in English class.

“Hey, do you know what time it is?” Archie had whispered to him.

Jughead looked right at Archie, who’d done his best to give a polite smile, even though he would’ve liked nothing more than to beam and wink at the guy. Perhaps even try a come-hither look, but he didn’t want to scare Jughead away.

The other boy had just frowned, glancing down at Archie’s wrist and saying with thorough confusion “You’re wearing a watch...”

“Oh, right... right, I forgot...” Archie had said, and remembering that reply made him cringe and groan. Gosh, he should’ve said something like it was broken, or been more suave about it, idiot.

In his left hand, his phone vibrated and Archie quickly checked the text, glad to see it was Ronnie.

Sry Archiekins! media wantd 2 talk J no clue how any1 knows. sum1 saw us 2gether & guessd right?

Archie grinded his teeth and sent back.

It was one date Ronnie! I do like you, but I dunno if I want to do this yet...

An instant reply.

But if you like me, then shouldn’t you want to date me?

That was true. Archie wasn’t sure how he felt, or how he should reply. Should he say he liked guys more? That maybe he just needed some time away? Or maybe he should just flat out say he isn’t sure if he likes her like that. Archie started to type back, fixing the text, back spacing and writing the whole thing again until he was sure he was okay with it.

I dunno, Ronnie. I think I need some time to think about it.

He pressed send. It took a moment longer for another reply from her.

So we’re not dating?? :(

Archie sighed, wondering if he just avoided texting back if he could avoid the whole situation completely. The bell rang anyway so he really had to get to class.

The bell rang and Jug grumbled to himself, annoyed. He’d been too busy on his computer he hadn’t noticed the time. As he was at his locker, it was slammed shut in his face by none other than Reggie Mantle.

Reggie was a complicated specimen. The best comparison for him was that he was Satan, but it pained Jughead to admit that Reggie did have his moments of kindness.

This was not one of them.

“Hey pointy,” Reggie said, referring to Jug’s undoubtedly pointed nose. A most fitting moniker, though uninspiring. Jughead was a much better name.

And Reggie asked the million dollar question “How smart are you?”

“I’m quite the genius, thanks for noticing,” Jughead said, balancing the line of sincerity and scorn.

“I really need someone to do my homework,” Reggie was saying.

“Goddamn it, Reg,” Another voice said, and from behind Reggie, a tuft of red hair appeared, before Archie Andrews popped into sight. “I told you, you could come over to my house and we could do the homework together.”

“I didn’t have time,” Reggie said, “practice and all...”

“Get to class, Reg, you’re late as it is,” Archie said with a roll of his eyes, “We’re late, but I’ll be there soon.”

And Reggie Mantel listened, of course he did. He was Archie Andrew’s best friend. The only person who could keep him in line, if truth be told. Jughead saw it happen rather often.

“You alright?” Archie asked Jughead, much to his surprise.

“I didn’t need your help,” Jughead said, opening his locker again and getting out the rest of his things, and putting burgers into it.

“Are those burgers?” Archie asked, trying to get his face up into Jug’s business for SOME REASON.

“Yeah, I’m stocking up,” Jughead said, wondering how to give him a hint to go away.

“Oh man, that’s nuts,” Archie said and Jughead shot him a glare. The red-head stammered, “I mean- like- not in a bad way- it’s pretty cool, actually but- you know... nevermind...” Archie started taking steps backwards, thank goodness, but he still kept talking, “Anyway, sorry, I was just... trying to converse, you’re welcome though for the thing, like, that thing with Reggie that was- I was just trying to help- ya know, ‘cause that’s what I like to do, help people love to help people, anyway...”

The only reason Archie paused for breath was because he stumbled over his feet and nearly fell over, but caught himself before he did. Jughead stared, completely speechless, when Archie continued to speak.

“Well, it was fun talking to you, I’ll be off to class, class that we both have. Both of us, in class together. Bye. I mean, really, see you later- AROUND- see you around.”

And then Archie Andrews was gone.

The only reaction going through Jughead’s mind could be best decribed as ‘!!!???????????’

It took him a moment to gather his bearings before he could finally close his locker and get to class.

Archie new Veronica was waiting for him to reply to the text message. But he just didn’t know. He should just say no, he figured, but then what would everyone else say? Would they think he was being a complete shit?

God. Maybe he should just try this. And in the middle of class, while the teacher wasn’t looking, he was able to type a quick text to Veronica.

Im bein an idiot. We’re still datin

And when his phone vibrated it was a selection of happy emoticons. He slipped the phone back into his bag, glancing around the room to see if anyone noticed. No one had, and even then his eyes landed on Jughead who sat in the row behind him on the other side of the room. The other boy was doing his own work, attentive to nothing and no one else. Even some other people in the classroom were looking around at each other, dreamily staring at the person in front of them or discreetly trying to text or write notes.

But Archie just looked at Jughead, some memories of primary school resurfacing when they’d been friends for a brief time. Maybe it had only been for a year, or even weeks, Archie couldn’t remember. He’d liked him back then... why hadn’t they stayed friends?

“Mr Andrews,” Miss Haggly did not sound pleased, at all, quite the opposite.

Archie’s head snapped back to the front, and he could feel himself burning. Oh god, hopefully no one noticed him staring at Jughead. And why pick on him? A bunch of other people were being just as restless.

Miss Haggly stared him down “Perhaps you’d like to give us the answer!?”

Not particularly, he thought, but he knew that was a rhetorical question. What was the actual question, wait, what?

“Detention!” Archie exclaimed, as he and Reggie hung around the lockers, “And for what!?”

“That’s tough man,” Reggie said, “really unfair of her. But you weren’t looking to the front or at your work, so I guess that’s why...”

Archie huffed, watching as Jughead walked by, getting the sniff of burgers. He almost wanted to blame him, but it’s not like it was Jughead’s fault Archie was looking over at him.

“Archiekins!” Veronica came running over and planted a kiss on his cheek, “I heard about the detention that is completely unfair!”

“Tell me about it,” Archie said dully.

“You’ll need to cancel your party, Reggie,” Veronica said firmly, “if Archie can’t be there, then we shouldn’t throw it.”

“Whoa, hang on a moment, no way-,” Reggie said.

And Veronica was going to argue back but Archie butted in, “Reggie’s right. Party’s still on, I’ll swing by after,” as long as detention didn’t go for too long, Archie thought glumly.

Veronica grabbed on so tightly to his arm, it was like she never planned on letting him go.

“Hey Jug,” the fact that Kevin’s locker was close to Jughead’s always made it easier for the guy to randomly start up conversation.

Usually about thing Jughead didn’t care too much about.

“You been in the bathrooms lately?” Kevin asked.

Weird question, but his point was made. “No?”

“Well when you do, go to the end stall, read the wall, alright?” Kevin was unusually giddy.

The wall?? But Kevin walked off before Jughead could figure out what he meant by that. Why were people always so cryptic? What was hard about saying it straight?

There was only one thing to do, so Jughead went to the bathroom.

At the beginning of a break was always the best time to go to the bathroom, as usually people piled in on the end half, and others sometimes didn’t go to the bathroom during school at all.

Nervous bladders, perhaps.

Jughead went to the end stall, as Kevin suggested, and locked the door, taking a seat on the toilet. He read through the wall like Kevin suggested, but there was nothing interesting. Stupid pictures, dumb words and—

jughead jones is a fugly emo

Well that’s cruel and unnecessary, but it’s not like Kevin would tell him to go into the stall just to read that.

Leave Jug alone!! Ass!! Was written underneath that, and he gave a small smile. That was Kevin’s handwriting, he was sure. Then—

JUGHEADS P CUTE ACTUALLY

What? P what? Jughead snorted. He didn’t know who’d written that, but that was a nice sentiment he supposed. If only Kevin hadn’t written something after that too...

Ohh my godd~~ ask him out!!

“Damn it, Kevin,” Jughead grumbled to himself, he doesn’t want to date anyone. That’s just stupid. Still, it seemed unlikely whoever this was would even ask him out, so he may as well forget about it. Suppose it was good to know somebody thought he was cute, and Jughead gave one last read of that line before heading out of the stall and bumping right into Archie Andrews.

“Oh, hey!” Archie said, “Fancy seeing you here!”

The look on Archie’s face suggested he’d regrated saying that as soon as it came out of his mouth so Jughead decided to let it slide.

He better wash his hands though, so it doesn’t look like he came out of the stall and was being unhygienic and gross.

“Sucks about detention, PFG,” Jughead said, “Miss Haggly’s probably just having a bad day.”

“PFG?” Archie asked.

Huh, weird... Jughead turned the tap off and dried his hands on his pants. “PFG? That’s what everyone calls you when they talk to me, so I’d have thought...”

“No, I’ve never heard that,” Archie said, looking particularly frown-y. “What’s it stand for?”

“Uh... Popular Football God,” Jughead said, headed for the door, “See you around, Andrews.” And he got out while he still could. Man, that was weird, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d even said a word to Archie Andrews. Now he’d spoken to him twice today.

So damn weird.

“Yeah, you too Jug,” Archie said to Jughead when he’d left, but he doubt the other boy heard. He’d rather Jughead called him PFG than Andrews, but there it was. Last name usage. And PFG!? Really? He wasn’t some popular...

Okay maybe a little.

And football...

Okay, yeah, he played that, but God!? He wasn’t some Zeus, really.

Worst nickname ever. Maybe he could sue whoever came up with it. But right now, all Archie wanted to do was check the bathroom stall, to see a new addition after what he’d written.

Ask Jughead out? No way, the guy was... well, it was hard to ask him out. Who knew what interest he held outside of food and computers? Besides, Archie was dating Veronica, he wasn’t about to play two people at once.

Could he?

No, no, no. Archie Andrews was a decent person, anything but that.

Then he remembered Jughead had been in this stall just moments ago. Oh god, he’d seen the comment. Oh crap. Archie felt himself burning up, even though nobody was around. Maybe Jughead had recognised his writing? But if he had, wouldn’t he have said something?

He couldn’t think straight.

“Breathe, Andrews,” Archie said to himself, then wrote something in reply.

Jughead had been unusually hungry that day. Well... hungrier than usual. Which is to say, awfully hungry.

He grabbed a burger out of his locker which he could inconspicuously eat during class. He’d done it before, and he knew he’d have to be careful, but it wasn’t a huge issue.

Jughead sat at the back, the burger under his things, munching on the food. It was the last class of the day and he was looking forward to getting out of there. Headed to Pop’s.

He heard his classmates whispering something about a party. Typical, he hadn’t been invited. Not that he’d go anyway, but it was always nice to at least get an invitation.

He’d forgotten about Miss Haggly’s awful mood, and it was just his luck he had her for the last class. And just his luck that Moose bumped into his table and sent his things flying, including his burger.

Of course, Moose should have gotten in trouble, but since it was Jug’s burger... well...

Long story short, he’d found himself in detention. Even worse: it was an afterschool clean-up detention.

With Archie Andrews.

#jarchie #jarchie fanfic #fanfic #my fanfic

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