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ivyuns · 4 years

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love again ❆✰

lee minho

genre: angst / fluff

word count: 2.4k

warnings: drugs + language + a bit suggestive + a few grammar mistakes (this was written at 5 am plz i cant)

A/N: why do i keep having dreams of someone who i used to like :(

masterlist

nonidol!minho x fem!reader

taking a picture of the scenery of paris in front of you, smiling of how well it came out, a real smile this time. hearing a voice call out your name, you turn around as your smile dropped, seeing someone who you didnt ever wanted to see. lee minho was his name.

it started as you two were young and in love with each other back in high school. you two we known as the toxic couple. not because you two were bad for each other, but because you did everything together: drugs, alcohol, getting high, sex, you name it. other than those, you two had another side of being soft. the romantic dates and the funny days shared.

the time you two hung out as best friends everyday, making everyone in school thinking you two were couples. the night where minho took you star gazing late at night after having a fight with your mom and ended up kissing you and asking you to be his one and only.

til your mom found out that you did drugs and drank underage because of minho. she forced you to break up with him and you felt like shit. you called him to meet you at the park you two always went to and left the house to go see him.

arriving at the park and sitting on a bench with the winter breeze around you in your light cardigan. feeling something on your shoulders made you feel tense til you smelled where the owner of the jacket is. lifting your head up, a tear fell from your eyes. minho’s eyes soften as he took a seat next to you and wiped the tear away.

“y/n, whats wrong love?” minho asked. “m-min, we need to break up”. minhos eyes widened from your sentence. “b-baby what happen? is everything okay at home? please tell me”. sighing and standing up as you took off minhos jacket off of your shoulders and gave it back to him. “just know that i still love you forever and always and we’ll meet in the next life” and left him.

minho sat there in shock, not knowing what just happened. it felt like a big part of him just left him.

the next week at school, you werent at your seat. you were nowhere found in school. you were just laying on your bed, feeling total shit. feeling nothing to do but just cry to sleep. your mom made you do online school to stop you from seeing minho and his friends. you phone made another noise as you sighed. looking up to see your phone on your nightstand, you see 44 missed calls and 64 messages from minho. tears falling down even more, you ended up falling asleep with a worried minho waiting for you at school.

and that was the last time you ever saw him, you first and last lover. his cousin, who was your best friend had kept in touch with you and told you what minho had done during the breakup. inhaling and consuming drugs, overdosing on drugs, drinking more and going crazy while yelling your name and wanting you to come back into his life.

minho eventually got over the breakup in a year. looking at the memories you gave him, he had the urge to call you names you didnt like him saying. his cousin passed by his room and heard him saying things you hated being called. knowing it was about you since his cousin had knew you before minho so of course you told her everything.

feeling hurt and angry about what she told you, you felt yourself growing apart from him. why still love him after he called you those names? you gave yourselft sometime to heal and feel better about yourself.

now here you are now 3 years later, visiting your dream city, france. you always wanted to come here when you and minho were a bit older but things didnt work out.

turning around after hearing minho called you, he ran over to you. looking at your figure, he can tell you lost too much weight but still had the perfect brown eyes with your hair recently dyed to light brown and your fashion senses that changed. only with you in a black top and baggy tan pants with black converse. god how much did he miss you.

a few minutes after not talking, you figured he just wanted your attention after he searched you everywhere in paris when his cousin gave him updates on you. walking away from him, he quickly grabbed your wrist. “y-y/n, can we please talk?” you made him let go of your wrist and continued walking to your hotel.

minho quickly ran in front of you and stopped you. “please y/n, what did i do wrong?” you sighed and looked up at him. “maybe if you werent so psycho, you wouldve known.”

minho stood there and thought of what happened. was it when you broke up with him? no, it couldnt be your fault. when he called you more than enough? no. when he was about to propose to you and run away with each other? no way. you two broke things before he could even ask.

‘shit’ he thought. it made him realize. he was too angry at some point and called you names that you hated being called and point out your insecurities. he knew someone was outside his door at the time.

facing back reality, he sees you still in front of him. “figured out now, mr lee minho?” you crossed your arms and a little smirk formed on your face. even after years, you still cant stop loving him. minho takes your hand and drags you to a park to lay under the sunset, watching to stars as it turns dark. remembering from your high school days.

laying down with you in minhos embrace, you whispered a ‘i love you’ to minho and fell asleep after missing the warmth of minho. minho, who smiled after you fell into your slumber and pulled you closer to him. “i love you too y/n”

a few hours, you woke up to nobody in the park but you and minho in the dark. noticing you were still in minhos arms, you got up and woke up minho. minho opened his eyes and saw your panic face. “minho, where are we?!”

minho was fully awake now. looking everywhere, he couldnt remember where or how he took you to this area. “god minho if you werent such a dumbass. youre lucky that my phone works fine here” you said as you gathered your stuff and grabbed minho’s hand, forcing him to get up and follow to directions on your phone to where your hotel was.

minho just smiled and walked close to you. “you havent changed a bit y/n” he says. you stopped walking and turned around which resulted minho bumping into you. “youre really asking for a slap are you?” minho quickly shook his head a no and you turned around and began walking again.

opening your door to your hotel room, minho was full in daze. everything was decorated beautiful just for a hotel suite, or thats what minho thought it was. “you can sleep on the couch here, ill be upstairs if you need anything” you said and head upstairs where your room was after giving him an extra toothbrush and toothpaste and other necessary items.

“wait y/n!” he calls your name and you turn around to walk downstairs. stopping at he last step of the stairs, minho walks towards you. “can you actually stay down here. i-i mean like so we can catch up on stuff like you know?” you knew he just wanted you to stay down here since he couldnt be alone.

“ya, youre just trying love me again arent you minho?” you joked as you poked him. minho scoffed and went to sit on the couch. “as if”. walking towards the couch and sitting next to minho, you lift your legs onto the ottoman. “im just joking min, of course ill stay here with you” you say to him and looked at him with a happy smile. minho smiles also after hearing you call out his nickname youll call him during your relationship.

hugging you waist, minho leans towards you as you get lost in his sparkling eyes. he lays you down and kisses your lips. at first, you wanted to pull away, but after missing his kisses, how could you resist it?

a few weeks had gone by and you two had returned to korea as a couple again. another 3 weeks and you moved in with minho after getting kicked out when she found out you found minho. with no hesitation, you facetimed minho about what happened and let his loving girlfriend move in with him.

moving your belongs into his apartment, you felt nauseous. going to the toilet to release the sickness, minho puts down a box and runs over to your side after hearing disturbing noises from the bathroom. “baby, what happened? are you okay?” minho says and tries his best to comfort you while he lifts your hair into a ponytail so its not in the way. “i-i think im-”

tears started streaming down your face as thoughts ran past your brain. what if he doesnt want the baby? is it too early? were still in our early twenties. you were cut off by minho hugging you. “its okay baby. we can check and see in the morning. lets go head to bed, i already got the last box.” nodding your head, minho leads you to the bedroom with his arms wrapped around you and your head on his chest, both slowly falling asleep.

waking up first thing in the morning, you turn and see minho still asleep. going to get ready to for the store. most importantly, for the pregnancy test.

walking back into the apartment, you immediately go to the bathroom and take the test. waiting for the test to give out the answer, minho wakes up to you not next to him. grabbing his phone from the nightstand, he goes to your contact and texts you.

my baby <3

where are u ?

hearing the familiar notification bell, he sighs as he realize you didnt take your phone with you. getting up, minho goes to the bathroom and sees you with the test in the palm of your hands. he goes up behind you and hugs you and to see the test come back with positive.

with the biggest smile on his face, minho turns you around to face him. “you dont know how happy i am y/n” “but minho, how are you not mad?” you pulled away from the hug with a confusion look on your face, “shhh, just pretend i wanted this to happen in the future when we dated.” minho back hugs you, facing the bathroom mirror.

you see minhos hands rubbing your stomach. “its been our dream to have kids and get married. and ta da!” turning yourself around, you hug minho at a better position. “thank you minho for loving me back and not leaving us, i love you so much”. minho leaned in and put his forehead on yours. “i love you more than you do baby” and gave you a loving peck.

END <3

yes another minho fic bc this was sitting in my drafts and i dont know where this was heading to hehe

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totheendofthelinepal · 4 years

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TRY ME (PART TWO)

Summary: You couldn’t stand Bucky Barnes, but as a part of the Avengers - You had no choice but to tolerate him. Until one day, mission gone ary - you realize that something else sparks between the two of you, in the most unexpected way.

Warnings: NSFW (18+), Swearing, Violence

Pairing: Reader (Y/N) x Bucky Barnes

You threw your head to the hard surface of the desk, feeling hopeless. Two days since the mission, and the rest of your team was being held in a high securing Hydra facility. You couldn’t just blindly go in, but now your cover had been compromised, and you had no resources. You were stuck with the one person you had little to no experience working with. As soon as it came to realization the were taken, Bucky led you out of the operation against your will. You felt guilty for leaving them behind, but you knew it was smarter to come up with a plan first, you couldnt just hand it to Hydra. But part of you just wanted to blaze in, and get your team back.

“Nice tatic.”

You turned to see Bucky in the doorway, his arms crossed. You rolled your eyes, trying your best to bite you tongue. You knew that fighting wouldn’t help the mess you’re in, and he was all you had as a partner.

“I say we just…go in. Just-…bring big guns.” You sighed heavily, pushing your self back up.

“You and I both know that won’t work. They’ve got guys lined up all around that place. We have no backup, do you want to get killed?” He walked in the room, without your permission.

You groaned out in frustration at his remarks. He sat across from you, pulling the map away from your vision. He knitted his brow, and began to mark all across it with a pen.

“What the hell are you doing?” You looked at him, as he wrote all across the paper.

“Well….maybe if we go through here, we can take the majority of them out. Just…hope we get them all.” Bucky said quietly.

“Like hell you are.” A woman spoke behind you.

You turned to see none other than Agent Maria Hill standing in the room. Bucky’s eyes looked her up and down, causing you to glare at him in disgust. Was he checking her out?

“I got in contact with Fury, mainly because if all of the Avengers are being held captive, its a bit of a problem.” She sighed walking to you.

“uh…you think?” You quipped.

“They’re going to be moving locations anyway, unfortunately. Flight leaves in about two hours. Cap and the rest of them will be getting on that plane as well.” She crossed her arms, looking to you.

“How the hell did we not know this? Steve said nothing about relocation.” Bucky sounded annoyed.

“None of us knew. But now we do, and they’re planning to make a trade off. The Avengers eminent death in exchange for highly illegal weaponry.” Hill huffed out, setting down a pile of files.

“Where are they going for this trade off?” You looked through the papers to find any other surprise information.

“Paris.” She sighed, pulling out the location file.

“How are we going to get them back? We have no resources.” you exasperated, feeling hopelessness wash over you again.

“You’re going to lead them in, agree to hand over the drive, and we’ll handle the rest. Fury set up a meeting already at the Raffles hotel. You leave in about an hour.” She raised a brow, waiting for our reaction.

“An hour, how the hell are we going to get ready for something like that?” Bucky’s eyes grew wide.

“Everything is taken care of. Just….get our heroes back.” Hill pursed her lips, then she was gone.

You looked to Bucky in astonishment. This one day mission was about to turn into something much more.

The private jet was fully stocked with everything you could possibly need, from your favorite gun to your favorite alcoholic beverage. You kept yourself during the flight, not exchanging many words with Bucky. It was an odd sense of being civill towards each other. You would look his direction ever so often, and notice random things. You realized that he hadn’t shaved in a while, leaving his jaws stubble filled. You noticed how he would tuck his hair behind his ears ever so often as if it was a nervous tick. Even sometimes you could hear his machinery of a left arm hum. When he was quiet, he wasn’t all that bad, you could actually tolerate him. Feeling brave after a few drinks, you made your way next to his seat.

“Worried about them?” you quietly looked at his features.

“I used to worry about Steve, kid doesn’t know how to walk away from a fight. But he’s definitely been able to take care of himself.” Bucky half smiled to you, looking across your features as well.

You noticed his eyes now, trying not to linger too long.They were crystal blue, and they looked nothing like the rest of him. They were almost genuine, soft, and caring. The rest of his demeanor was tough, large, and unbreakable. The two of you sat in silence for a moment, before you broke the gaze. You looked out the window, and you could still feel his eyes on you. You couldn’t believe this was all happening, on your way to Paris with Bucky Barnes, the man you hated, to save your friends.

About an hour after you landed, you were escorted to your room by mysterious people, cleary they worked for Fury. You walked into the room, slightly astonished at the large size. It was beyond beautiful. If you were here as someone else you could almost enjoy it. But what filled the suite was nothing but set up technology and weaponry.

“Its about time.” Fury approached the both of you, a quizzical look on his face.

“Where are they?” You got right to the point.

“Slow your roll, Y/N” Fury held his hands up, “They’re here. in the Hotel. The Gala tonight is the meet up. You two are taking the route unexpected. They’re in this bottom floor, underneath all this here. We’ve granted access to the air vents for the two of you to extract the team, we’ll handle the rest.”

You watched on as Fury explained the elaborate plan, The both you and Bucky would go below the hotel level to where the team was held, and take out any one in our way. Fury and his team will meet with the Hydra operatives as diversion. You watched as Bucky took in all of the information, his arms folded, he looked bigger than you had noticed before.

“Got it?” Fury looked to you, “By the way…I aint taking your bullshit. My agents work together, Im not going to have you fighting like damn five year olds.”

“Yes sir.” You nodded to him.

“Good, we’re understood.” He quipped, “Gear up.”

You and Bucky spilt directions, picking each weapon of choice.

You crawled carefully in the air duct, the space feeling like it began to close in on you. You began to dampen with nervousness. You looked behind to see Bucky effortlessly following you, cool and collected. You sighed in frustration as you moved forward, suddenly your head feeling light.

“Claustrophobic, Doll?” He nudged your ankle.

“Shut up, Barnes.” You hissed, moving forward

“You know, sweetheart, this isn’t a bad view, Your ass moving around like that.” He chuckled, nudging you again.

You ignored his comment, moving forward, stopping at the vent below you.

“Alright this is our stop, drop here, one room over.” You whispered lightly.

“How many we got, Doll?” Bucky began preparing his gun.

“5.” You began to ensemble yourself, roping the line in for you to drop.

“Ready?” Bucky cocked his gun.

Without saying anything you busted the vent, sliding down the rope effortlessly. The men rushed to you, as you fought off their hits, Bucky followed you down. Gun shots fired over you, as Bucky expertly took out the men before him. You threw skilled kicks and punches knocking out the men, and now you were alone again. You walked behind Bucky, his gun turned to you, lowering slowly. You started to walk forward, when suddenly Bucky shoved your body to the ground. Before you scream at him in confusion, his metal hand flew to your mouth. Two Hydra agents walked by the room, not noticing the 5 men out cold on the floor. As soon as you were clear, you pushed his hand away.

“Was that necessary?” You huffed out, now noticing his heavy frame on you.

“Had to shut you up somehow.” Bucky winked to you, causing you to shove him off.

You jumped to your feet, collecting yourself, but it wasn’t long until the men passed by again. This time they brought friends, around 12 of them. You sighed in frustration looking to Bucky, he tossed you his gun, then pulled out his knife. The two of you back at it again, fought hard against the men, every so often switching your weapons effortlessly. Down to the last man, he was on his knees, blood dripping from the after math of you skills.

“They are not here, you can look all you want, but Hydra will always prevail.” He hissed.

“Where the hell are they?” You practically screamed.

Before he could answer, frustration took over as the heel of your gun smashed to his face, knocking him out.

“How the hell are we going to find them, they can’t just do this, they need the drive so what the hell are we going to do, they’re going to kill them before we can reach them, this is bullshit-“ you rambled on, only to be stopped by Bucky gripping your chin.

“Would you shut up for five minutes and breathe?” His body was close to yours now.

The both of you stood in the basement, out of breath and spent. His eyes washed over you, his grip still on your chin. You were about to sneer at him, tell him he was an idiot for not being concerned about his friend. But something unexpected happened, his lips pressed so harshly to yours.

Your eyes shot open at the action, and you almost slapped him away. But god, he tasted so good. Following his action, you pressed harshly back into his, biting roughly to his lip. A groan escaped his throat as he pushed you out of the room into the hallway against the hard, brick wall. Your body slammed against the concrete, a whimper leaving your lips. You both fought for dominance, never giving in to one another. It left you both hungrily tugging at each other. You could almost feel blood on your lip with how hard he was kissing you, but he broke away.

“Take your goddamn clothes off.” He breathed out, ripping off his combat accessories.

“You first.” You began to pull at his shirt.

“You’re so damn stubborn.” He smiled, his lips red and swollen.

His hands reached the front of your shirt, Ripping it roughly. You gasped quietly at the coldness of the air, and began to tug roughly at his jeans. He was grinning now, flipping a knife in his fingers, carefully ripping you out of uniform. Once his chest was bare you raked your nails across, biting his chest hungrily.

Suddenly the two of you were exposed in the open, not caring if anyone saw you, he pushed you roughly to the ground, attacking every inch of your exposed skin. You could feel how hard he was every time he moved, his member pressing up against you. Each time you whimpered, silently cursing to yourself, God he was big, you knew it would cause you pain at first. He smirked at your reactions to him, knowing how much your body craved to have him inside of you. Finally giving in, he hooked his hands behind your knees, jerking your legs wide open. He positioned himself quickly, pushing in roughly. You cried out at first, not being able to adjust to him, thankfully he stayed still for a moment. Giving a light tap this shoulder he began to move. His thrusts were sharp and deep, snapping his hips to the back of your thighs, breathy moans filled the hallway, along with slapping skin.

“Damnit your so tight” Bucky sighed into your ear, “So goddamn wet.”

It was hungry, and almost animalistic. But God, did it feel good. You could tell by the uneven pace that he was close, you gripped his hair for support as he slammed into you.

“I..Its okay, Im be-..hind you.” You breathed out as best you could.

At those words, Bucky slipped out of you causing you to whimper loudly at the sudden emptiness.

“Like hell am I going to finish before you.” He breathed out, pushing his fingers to your core.

He worked quickly, as your finish began to rise. As soon as your body began to shake, he withdrew a second time.

“God damnit Buck-“

Before you could finish, he resumed his position, roughly giving you everything he had left in him. The tandem of groans and whimpers rised as the both of you reached the end, screwing your eyes shut you felt it all over your body, you trembled slightly. As he pulled out, he fell to the side, his leg splayed over yours.

Suddenly a low static rang in your ears.

“We have found the location of the Avengers.” Fury stated.

You waited a moment to catch your breath.

“We’ll be there in 5.” you huffed out.

Bucky panted in exhaustion, a smile crept to your face, throwing a playful punch to his jaw, causing him to laugh breathlessly.

Now what the hell were you going to return in, as your clothes laid shredded across the floor.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky #buckybarnes #marvel fanfiction

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titsthedamnseason · 5 years

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thule!blackstairs headcanons?

yes yes!! okay i got lots of requests for these so i have a lot of options and for you i present: the au in which emma and julian were never endarkened

okay so they left ny just in time before the endarkened army arrived and were able to escape with all of the blackthorns

things went pretty much the same except this time instead of livvy taking charge it was jules and emma

they made their way to la but still had nowhere to go so they stayed in abandoned buildings and such

they still faced threats like demons just like livvy did in canon but with julian and emma they were a bit more equipped to fight them off

everyone survived in time to be saved by cameron and taken to rebel hq!!

dont yell at me for being unrealistic i love them all too much to kill them i want them to be happy

before getting rescued, though, julian and emma def def def used to like,,sneak into dark alleys and the like to make out and the poor blackthorn children are just like ‘is this really the time you guys smh we’re like five feet away from you’

they are firm believers of seizing the moment so they dont really care

when they get to the old hotel the blackthorns basically get their own hallway since there are so many of them

julian and emma take separate rooms first, at opposite ends so that the kids are in between them should anything happen but once they get older they just kind of converge to one room unofficially

cameron and livvy start dating and julian is kind of pressed about it but he supposes he doesnt mind

cameron tells julian he doesnt care if he approves of the relationship, it’s the apocalypse

julian is crushed and livvy reassures him that she cares what he thinks of the relationship

he’s a little more comforted

emma and cameron are bros

but i need to stay away from the subject of cameron bc i will never stop if i dont asdfgh

anyway thule isnt really the most romantic place but julian and emma find small ways to make it better

like the wooden board that covers the window in their room, for example

julian loves repainting it to show different scenes, the stars, the paris skyline, a romantic dinner scene, small things that emma loves and will make her smile, like chocolate or cats and cute things like that

a lot of the time he’ll just paint it without emma knowing and she’ll come back to a surprise

they also cant really take too many romantic strolls outside, but they try and make do by just aimlessly walking down the hallways for hours, sometimes on the roof if they feel like they can risk it

they really really dont like patrolling without each other but make do for the sake of the resistance

dru goes out on the same patrol she did in canon and never comes back

julian is heartbroken, he should have been with her, trained her better, not let her go on patrols at all

emma somehow manages to convince him that he couldnt have done anything about it and just as he begins healing and getting comfortable with his family patrolling again ty comes back with a broken leg

sweet ty keeps telling him it’s not that bad, it’s not julian’s fault, there’s no reason to worry

it takes julian a long time to recover but emma helps him a lot

i didnt mean for this to take such a depressing turn but here we are lets move on with an abrupt and awkward transition

they def have their own motorcycle that is primarily driven by emma

it’s highkey the coolest thing ever and they love their motorcycle probably more than is healthy

one time julian let his hair grow to his shoulders and emma was at first grudgingly accepting but when they rode the motorcycle and his hair was blowing into her face she immediately insisted he cut it when they got home

livvy was sad she couldnt style it anymore but everyone ultimately agreed julian’s usual hair was much better

there was one time that julian started acting kind of sketchy, disappearing a lot, going on more patrols, saying he had meetings with maia but emma would see maia eating in the dining hall with julian nowhere to be found, she would check the patrol schedule just to find that julian wasnt on it

she asked him about it a few times but he brushed it off, telling her it was nothing and then distracting her with a kiss

finally one day he’d left early in the morning with no explanation and emma had no more patience left for this

she passed raphael in the hallway, and he grudgingly informed her that julian had returned, there’s no need to infect everyone else with her bad mood

says you, she retorted as she ran down the hallway in the direction of her and julian’s room

when she slammed open the door(can you slam a door open?? idk but if youre emma carstairs you can), fully ready to tell julian off and finally get answers, she was stunned speechless because there was julian, standing in the middle of the room, holding a basket full of chocolate

she might have cried

as she began eating he told her how he’d been searching high and low for any scraps of chocolate, even sneaking into some of sebastian’s known hang outs to acquire some

emma lightly slapped him on the arm for taking such a big risk but it didnt have much weight behind it since she was clearly enjoying the surprise

julian warned her to hide it, that no one knew he had gotten the chocolate, only that he’d been planning a surprise, and he suspected if anyone discovered chocolate was in their headquarters there would be a war for it

emma felt guilty and almost wanted to share but not really

she did give a little to each of the blackthorns, claiming that was all they had but the kids were over the moon at the pieces they got

‘im a terrible person’ said emma after all the blackthorns save julian had left the room

‘yeah’ julian agreed, and kissed her

#kestrel-of-herran #asks #what an awkward end im sorry aszxdcfrtghj #thule!blackstairs #thule #tda #tda hc #mine #my writing #my hcs #julian blackthorn #emma carstairs

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3laxx · 5 years

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Trainwreck - Chapter 2

Yep I'm uploading everything at once don't question me

The action begins

Ao3 / FF.net

She needed a coffee now. Marinette strolled down the hospital’s corridors, getting to the bistro in which a few patients sat and sipped on their own coffee. The young woman mumbled a little greeting but none of them answered. Shrugging, she fed the coffee machine and leaned her head against it. Only then, she noticed the voice that sounded like a TV newsreader, obviously upset about something. Because of that, nobody had answered then. She nodded but continued to lean onto the machine while it gently vibrated on her forehead. When she received her coffee, she turned and looked at the TV, seeing a very nervous newsreader and behind him a video of a very fast driving train.

“… Train is now, as seen here, travelling very fast and it’s between Crépy-en-Valois and Nanteuil-le-Haudouin by now. According to the last words of the train driver before the radio was disconnected, he has been knocked out by the terrorist group AKUMA, obviously with the goal to crash into Gare du Nord with this cargo train which is loaded with dangerous chemicals. The train is-…”

Marinette didn’t need to hear the rest. Without hesitation, she abandoned the hot cup of coffee on a table and dialed Tikki’s number while running to her superior, hastily scribbling down another number on a flyer she grabbed while exiting the bistro.

“Hello Marinette.”, Tikki greeted her, “What is-…”

“Why am I being informed by the TV rather than you?”, she snapped, pressing herself to the wall to make room for a bed that was moved past her.

“The police are on it, Marinette, and you are working. It is not necessary for you to set your identity on stake to try and stop-…”

“The AKUMA is behind this, Tikki! I have a helicopter and I’m giving your cover number to my superior now. I’m moving out.”

“You always were a bit of a hothead, Marinette. Do you think you can deal with this?”

“I know I can. You taught me well. Can you make sure nobody gets into my way?”

“Certainly. But you’ll get fired, you know that?”

Marinette set on her grim face as she ran up the stairs.

“I don’t care, this is bigger than my job.”

“Please don’t get carried away, alright?”

“I’m hotheaded, remember? Of course, I will!”, she grinned when she barged into the office of her superior, at the same time hanging up her call with Tikki and slamming the piece of paper with the number on it on the desk.

“I’m heading out with the helicopter, if you have questions call this number!”

She emerged out without another word, running into Tia as she opened the door to the landing platform.

“Marinette? Is everything alright? You wanted to-…”

“Tia, I want you to stay here!”

“Wh-What?!”, the younger girl exclaimed, looked at her confused.

“Nino and I need to go and I want you to stay here, just stay here! Nino! Start the helicopter, right now!”

The young man looked startled but didn’t question it, instead he jumped inside the helicopter and started the rotors. Tia followed her regardless, still throwing as many questions at her as she could.

“Tia, listen. There’s something really important I need to set right and I don’t want you to risk your life for that. You understand?”

Only then, Tia realized Marinette had not once called her ‘greenie’. Dumbstruck, she nodded.

“Okay, stay put. And-… Tia?”

“Yes?”

“Just in case, I love you like a little sister, alright?”

In that moment, Tia knew something must’ve gone wrong. Terribly wrong.

“Marinette, wait-…!”

“Stay there!”, the young woman yelled over the loud helicopter when she entered and put on her helmet.

“So, what happened?”

“There’s a driverless train between Crépy-en-Valois and Nanteuil-le-Haudouin! I need to stop it!”

“W-Wait, what?!”

Marinette rolled her eyes when she put on her safety belt and looked back down to where Tia stared after them.

“I need you to get me above the train so that I can rope down into the driver cabin and stop it. Got it?”

Nino stared at her while directing the helicopter towards Crépy-en-Valois, tilting down the front so that they would fly faster.

“B-But-… What?!”

“Nino, I’ll take all the guilt on me, I’ll say I forced you to fly me there so you won’t lose your job but trust me on this one, okay?”

He kept his eyes on her while flying over Paris.

“Why you?! And why me?! What do we have to do with-… And what’s with that train?!”

She sighed and told him what she heard and saw on TV.

“And I just have this weird feeling I’m needed and that I can do that. So just fly me there and I’ll do the rest!”

He was still confused but shut up for the rest on the flight.

The train had passed Nanteuil-le-Haudouin by now, still heading towards Paris. By the time Marinette and Nino had sighted the train, it was just before Le-Plessis-Belleville, continuing its path at a rattling speed. She gulped when she saw just how fast the train was going.

“You okay, Mari? You know, that’s not your mission-…”

“No. Nino, it is. I have to do this. It’s my job.”

He gave her an indefinite glance, still flying towards the moving train. She got up, clinking in a carabiner in her belt, showing him thumbs up. Just when he gave back the gesture, she hesitated, pulled out her phone and dialed Alya’s number. She tried her best to block out the noise of the helicopter with her hands but she had to tell Alya she loved her.

After a few seconds, her best friend’s voice came through the speaker, sleepy but she was there. Marinette sighed relieved.

“Mari? What’s that noise…? Are you calling me from inside the helicopter?!”

“Yeah, but-… Alya, listen. I want you to know that I love you. No matter what happens next, okay? I love you.”

“Mari, what-… What are you doing? What is happening? Why are you-… Are you in trouble?!”

“Alya, I love you! See you this evening!”

With that, she interrupted her best friend’s words, putting back the phone into her pocket. Nino looked at her through clouded eyes but had managed to align the helicopters speed with the train.

“You sure?”, she heard him ask through the radio.

“Completely. Just look out for me.”

“I will, Mari.”

She pulled at the rope and it slowly gave her space, letting her stand on the skids of the helicopter waiting for Nino to fly above the driver’s cabin.

Alya got up and rubbed her eyes. Something was wrong, very wrong. As fast as she could, she got up and checked the internet for any information. When she read ‘train’ and ‘driverless’, she quickly grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. She was greeted with a soap but hurriedly changed the channel and landed on the news live, seeing a helicopter flying above a train.

“… And as it seems, two heroic emergency pilots are currently trying to get to the driver cabin of the train, to hopefully stop the train. For now-…”

Alya pulled out her phone once again, looking up what was happening. After two minutes, she dialed Adrien’s number, terrified to see on live TV that her best friend was standing on the skids of the helicopter, looking down at the moving train, obviously concentrating on roping herself down.

“Adrien?!”, she almost yelled when he accepted, surely making him flinch.

“Ow, Alya! What is it? You know I’m in the middle of a shoot-…”

“Forget it! Turn on the TV! Nino-… M-Marinette-… They-… Oh my g-god!”

“Alya? What is it? What’s happening?”

The brunette couldn’t answer. She saw that her best friend took the step out into the air, slowly roping herself down towards the train in which the AKUMA terrorists were surely waiting for her.

“Adrien, how far are you from Nino’s and my apartment?”

“About five minutes?”

“C-Come here right now. I-I think-… I think Mari’s gonna die.” “What?! Alya, I-…”

“Come here in this instant and hold me for god’s sake!”

She hung up before he could answer. Because in that moment, the helicopter which her boyfriend flew, suddenly gained in height and Marinette hadn’t been prepared for it.

“Nino! What was that all about?!”

“Sorry, Mari! I’m just looking out for you and luckily, we missed that tree branch. It would’ve been worse if the rope had been hit!”

Marinette nodded and continued to rope herself down, until she could almost touch the train with her feet but the speed made it difficult for her to manage not swinging around.

She gritted her teeth, trying to get into a better position with circling her legs.

“Mari, I can’t hold this forever!”

“Well, me neither! I’m working on it, Nino!”

She heard him moan and focused on trying to touch down gently, but after about two minutes of trying, she gave up and with a fast pull, she was down on the train’s roof. She rolled a few times because the train was moving faster than she thought and the rope yanked her up. She just hoped her world would stop spinning.

“Mari!”, she heard Nino yelling, then she felt a great pain in her back.

Let me know if you liked it?

#miraculous ladybug #fanfic #ml #aus #trainwreck #chapter 2 #marinette dupain-cheng #adrien agreste #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #adrienette #adrinette #djwifi #freckles writes

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berjhawn · 7 years

Text

Bucky Barnes X Reader - I Don’t Need You

Warnings: Angst, lies, fighting, misunderstandings, heartbreak, ETC

Pairings: Bucky Barnes X Reader

(A/N) This is a one-shot i had playing around in my head. It’s angsty since that’s the mood i was in when i wrote it. I hope you all enjoy it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One sentence… just one little sentence was enough to bring my whole happy world crashing down. I had been working at Stark Tower as a liaison between Pepper and the UN, when I was reassigned to ‘Bucky’ duty by Captain America himself. When Bucky first arrived, he was a little unstable and prone to panic attacks, all of which I was able to bring him down from using different methods. As my mission, so to speak, progressed; as did my relationship with Bucky.

At first the two of us were always together. I don’t know whether that was Steve’s plan from the beginning, putting two emotionally unstable individuals together or not, all I know is that it worked. I fell and I fell hard for Bucky. He was broken and damaged just as I was. I hadn’t grown up in the best of circumstances, hell I spent my childhood begging for food in the center of town, but after a kind old man took me in and put me through school and College; I made it my mission to help others.

Hence, I joined the UN, or the United Nations. I graduated top of my class and became a government liaison. That was many years ago, now. I’ve been a liaison for many different superheroes, starting with Reed Richards and then of course ending with Tony Stark. My job was simple, be the go between for both and keep the chaos to a minimum. Also, I was there to report on any and all tests and secrets.

Anyway, I’m getting off track. Like I said Bucky and I were constantly together, we spent every waking moment near each other. It was inevitable for me to fall for him. It happened about three weeks ago, Steve thought it would be a good idea for Bucky and I to take a day and go to Coney Island. Perhaps it might rekindle some of Bucky’s memories that hadn’t come back yet. So, we went and at first it was magical.

We were having a great time. That was until I said something I shouldn’t have. I was so stupid, I got caught up in the moment and in the spur of it I told him I loved him. His eyes, he looked at me like I had betrayed him. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. It was just like when I was a kid and my mother abandoned me. He didn’t say anything. Like he was avoiding my confession so I decided to take him back to Steve.

The rest of the way back to Avengers tower we rode in silence. My heart was breaking and I just wanted to get him back safely and then I would decide what I was going to do from there. When we arrived, after I climbed out of the cab he grabbed my hand and said, ‘I don’t need you anymore, today proves I can do just fine by myself.’ I froze in my footsteps as he releases my hand and walks into the tower. I couldn’t breathe. My heart was crushed. Tears stung my eyes but I wasn’t about to cry.

Flashbacks to my childhood filled my mind. Abusive words slung at me from every direction covered me making me lose all the confidence I had gained over the past few years. I was broken. I don’t remember how I got home or even how I didn’t end up dead in a ditch somewhere. All I remember was waking up the next morning and returning to my original job as Miss Potts assistant. I didn’t try to avoid him, I didn’t make things awkward, I was just being professional. Everything was fine. Even though the very sight of him made my heart hurt I had to be professional.

Then it happened. I saw him with another girl. He was smiling a smile I had never seen before. It crushed me. That was when I decided to leave. I put in my resignation letter with Miss Potts, packed my bags, sold my apartment, and headed back to Paris. I traded in my field work for a desk job. I didn’t want to get attached to anyone ever again.

“And that’s why I’m here.” I say as I look across the room to the Shrink my supervisors requested I go to. The middle-aged woman had her hair pulled tightly back in a bun, and she wore a gray pinstriped pants suit. This was the last place I wanted to be.

“(Name), I’ve read the reports you wrote about your time at the Avengers tower; It seems like you had many friends you could have turned too, so why did you leave without notifying anyone other than Miss Potts?” She asks as she pulls her glasses from her face.

“Miss Potts was my boss; it’s only fitting I tell her I was leaving.”

“And this Bucky individual you mentioned, you didn’t feel the need to tell him you were leaving?” She asks and my heart clenches.

“No ma’am, I figured it was best that I break off contact without delay. That is also why I decided to stay here in Paris. I’m finished with field work.”

“You do realize it’s your superiors who want me to clear you for the field do you not?”

“I do ma’am, but I wish to remain at my desk.”

“I understand your reasons, I will go through my notes and let them know what I think.”

“Thank you,” I say forcing my business smile.

“That is all the time we have for today, I will see you again next week at the same time.”

“Yes ma’am.” I say as I stand and grabbing my coat and purse head for the door. I was not happy. Leaving the therapists office, I step out into the cold winter air and let out a heavy sigh. I hated shrinks, I never believed they worked and I hated the fact that I was to tell a complete stranger about my tortured past. As the cold wind blows I take a deep breath and wince as the cold air fills my lungs. It burned but that was just proof that I was alive.

Turning I decide to take the long way home and walk past Notre Dame. It was my favorite place in the whole world. When I was begging for food I used to go there. The Archbishop and Deacons used to slip me whatever food they could and then on extremely cold nights they would allow me to sleep inside the cathedral. It was the first act of kindness anyone had ever shown me. I smile at the people as I pass by them.

As the church comes into view I remember Philippe, the old man who took me in off the streets. He was a baker, every morning he would wake up early to start preparing the dough. I loved smelling the smell of bread baking. Bread baking was my favorite smell in the whole world. Although he passed away right after I graduated college he left his bakery in the hands of his workers.

Rounding the corner, I spot a familiar face and I smile as I rush over to the flower woman. “Bonjour Marie,” I call out to the redhead as I reach into my purse to pull out some money for her beautiful yellow Roses.

“Ah Bonjour (Name), Je ne vous ai pas vu depuis des années. Comment allez-vous?” (I haven’t seen you in years. How are you?) She replies a bright smile covering her withered face.

“J'ai eu un peu de malchance en amour mais à part ça je l'ai bien été.” (I've had a bit of bad luck in love but other than that I’ve been well.) I reply holding the blooming petals up to my nose.

“Eh bien, je ne vais pas édulcorer et dire que vous allez rencontrer quelqu'un savait. Est-ce que vous aimez cet homme?” (Well I’m not going to sugar coat it and say that you'll meet someone knew. Did you love this man?) She asks and I feel tears sting my eyes as I think of him.

“Oui je l'ai fait.” (Yes, I did.)

“L'amour fait mal. Voilà comment vous savez qu'il était réel.” (Love hurts. That's how you know it was real.) She replies and I nod.

“Eh bien, je serai hors tension. Merci Marie pour la belle rose.” (Well I'll be off. Thank you, Marie, for the lovely rose.) I say as I start to walk toward the bridge. She waves me off with a smile and I grip tightly to my little bouquet as I slowly walk across the Pont au Double bridge. I take one last glance toward the church and smile softly before I turn back and continue my walk home.

Walking into my apartment, I am greeted by the familiar face of a one Steve Rogers and I freeze in my footsteps. “Mr. Rogers? Um, what are you doing in my apartment?” I ask a knot welling up inside my throat.

“Pepper told me you resigned. I have to admit I was a little surprised that you didn’t say goodbye.” He says a sad smile covering his lips.

“I apologize; I admit I wasn’t thinking rationally when I left.” I reply as I close my door and setting my purse and roses down start to pull my coat off.

“Don’t apologize. I’m sure you had every reason to do what you did.” He says and I nod as I hang my coat on the hook and grab the roses.

“Um, would you like something to drink?” I ask as I walk past him to the kitchen to find a vase.

“Ah yes, a water would be nice.” He replies as he follows after me.

“Water it is.” I say as I set my roses down on the counter and grab a glass. Reaching into the fridge I grab a bottle of water and twisting the cap off pour it into the cup. Handing it too him I turn back and reach for a pair of scissors to cut the stems of my rose. “So how is everything?” I ask making small talk as I gently arrange the roses in an antique blue glass vase.

“Well the towers still standing if that’s what you mean.” He jokes and I chuckle.

“I guess that’s a good thing then.” I reply setting the vase on my kitchen table. “How long are you going to be in Paris?”

“A few days,” He replies and I nod.

“Are you alone, or did the rest of the team come?” I ask dreading his answer. I was not ready to see Bucky. I wanted to be alone.

“Tony, Natasha, Pepper, Sam and I came.” He says and I let out a sigh of relief that wasn’t visible on my face.

“You’ll have to tell them I said hi,” I comment smiling softly at him.

“I will, we’ll have to have dinner together.” He offers and I tense.

“I’ll have to check my schedule, but that would be nice.” I reply as I move from the kitchen to the front room. “Would you like to sit down?” I ask as I motion to the couch.

“Ah yeah sure,” He replies sitting down across from me.

“Is it just me or does it seem really awkward?” I ask smiling.

“So, it’s not just me.” He replies and I smile.

“There’s no need to be on your toes around me, please just be yourself.”

“Thank you. Sorry it’s just,” He pauses as he rubs his fingers along the smooth glass, “Been a hectic few weeks.”

“Again, I’m sorry I didn’t say anything about me leaving. I just needed,” I pause as I clasp my hands together. “I missed my home. I grew up in Paris you know?”

“I remember you saying something about it before. I got your address from the UN. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Although I am a little surprised to find you inside my apartment,” I giggle making him laugh before I continue, “It’s a nice surprise though, so thank you.”

“No problem. If I’m being honest, I missed you.” He says and I feel my heart lighten a bit.

“I missed you too Steve.” I reply honestly as I smile at him.

We spent the next few hours talking and reminiscing about old times which was nice. I hadn’t lied, I had missed Steve. Truth be told I had missed them all, but I just wasn’t ready to see them. Steve was enough. As the hours passed I glanced up to the clock to see that it was almost nine and my eyes widen. “Oh my, I didn’t realize it was this late. Um do you know your way back? Should I call you a cab, or if you’d like I have a guest room?”

“Oh um, I think I can find my way back. It’s not that I don’t want to take you up on your offer but I just think, you know,”

“Right, It’s completely understandable.”

“Um how about lunch tomorrow?” He asks as he stands up and walks toward the door.

“Uh yeah, sure, why not? Um, my lunch breaks at one. There’s a little Bistro I like to frequent for lunch called La rose floraison. They have the most amazing food there.”

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow at one.” He says grabbing his coat and pulling it on.

“I’m looking forward to it. Goodnight Steve,” I say giving him a soft smile.

“Goodnight (Name),” He says returning my smile before he heads off down the hall. As soon as he heads down the stairs I close the door and let out the heavy sigh I had been holding all night long. I lean my back against the door as I slowly slide down the door onto the floor. What was I to do now? If Steve knew I was here, then it wouldn’t be long until the rest of the team knew. Not that Bucky would come even if he knew.

The recollection of his name sent a shiver down my spine. My heart tightens in my chest and I take a deep breath to keep from crying. I look over at the clock and watch as the time slowly ticks by. There was no way I was going to get any sleep tonight. Not with my mind full of the past. Clearing my throat, I push myself up off the floor and grabbing my cell phone head to my room. Sitting down on the bed I reach over and opening my nightstand drawer I take out my sleeping pills.

I set my alarm and plug in my cell phone before I twist the cap of my pills and pulling two out slip them in my mouth. I swallow them down dryly before I lay down on top of the blankets. It was definitely cold outside and it was slightly drafty in my little apartment but I didn’t care. I wanted the cold. I needed to feel numb. As I close my eyes I slowly slip into an all too familiar nightmare.

Bucky’s POV

~Going back~

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Bucky yells out in confusion before running past his friend and up to her room. She couldn’t be gone. Why would she leave? His mind drifts back to the day they had gone to Coney Island and her sudden confession and his heart clenches. It was true that he had rejected her but it was for her own good. He couldn’t love her the way she deserved to be loved. Granted he had rejected her rather roughly but she had been acting just fine since then.

Throwing her bedroom door opened he found all her belongings gone. No trace of her was left. “(Name)!” He yells out as he runs throughout her entire floor in search of her. He feels his heart start to clench and its pace quickens. “No, no, no. (Name)!” He yells again his adrenaline kicking in. Unable to control his body he grabs the closest thing to him and throws it against the wall. He reaches for the next thing-

“Bucky calm down!” Steve yells as he reaches out and tries to restrain Bucky who is thrashing around wildly.

“Where is she Steve? Where did she go?” Bucky cries out pain lacing his voice.

“I don’t know Buck; all I know is she turned in her resignation and left. Even Pepper doesn’t know where she is.”

“It’s all my fault?” Bucky says his body stilling.

“What? Why? How is it your fault?” Steve asks confusion filling his voice.

“It just is okay,” Bucky snaps causing Steve to narrow his eyes at his friend.

“What exactly happened between the two of you Buck? I noticed she was acting strange but I didn’t think it had anything to do with you.”

“That day, the day you sent us to Coney Island; everything was perfect. She was beautiful with the sunlight in her hair and a happy smile on her lips. Then when we were about to get on the cyclone she told me,” He pauses as he narrows his eyebrows. “She told me she was in love with me.”

“Really? Buck that’s great.”

“I rejected her.” Bucky interjects making Steve stare wide eyed at his friend.

“What exactly did you say to her Bucky?” Steve inquires in a serious tone.

“I panicked. At first, I didn’t say anything. Right after that we climbed into a cab and came back here. Then when we got out of the cab I stopped her and,” He pauses as tears start to fill his eyes.

“And?” Steve presses his friend for more information.

“I told her that I didn’t need her anymore. That that day was a test that I passed and I could live normally without her.”

“Jesus Bucky, what were you thinking?” Steve chastises his friend as he runs a hand down his face.

“I wanted her to find someone else. Someone better than me. I’m broken and I’ve done a lot of bad in my life. I didn’t want to hurt her but I didn’t want to see her get hurt because of me either. My brain picked the easier of the two. I didn’t think she’d actually leave though. She acted normally after that day, I just figured she decided to stay friends.”

“Buck, you may have wanted to keep her from getting hurt; but in reality, you hurt her more than anyone else ever could.” Steve shakes his head. He knows this isn’t going to help his friend but Bucky needed to know the truth.

“But why did she wait so long to leave then? Why didn’t she leave the next day?” Bucky asks his eyes full of curiosity and pain.

“Did something happen recently?”

“No,” Bucky shakes his head. “We have barely talked since that day.”

“I’m sorry Buck, but I think it’s safe to say that she’s not coming back.” Steve says blatantly and Bucky nods.

“It’s all my fault.”

“Come on Buck, let’s get you something to drink and maybe go for a run to clear your mind.”

“Please just leave me Steve. I wanna be alone.” Bucky replies his eyes growing cold.

“Are you sure?” Steve asks as he places a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Bucky says his voice cracking. “Just leave me alone.”

~Today~

Bucky stares at the building that held her apartment with mixed emotions. He wanted to rush up the stairs to her. Tell her he had been wrong and all he ever wanted was for her to come back but he couldn’t find the nerve. Gulping down a breath of air he stares up at the window Steve said was hers, his entire body crying out for him to run to her but he held himself back. The light was still on and at times he could see her silhouette against the curtains.

He wanted to see more. He wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her he was sorry. Steve had been up there for a while talking with her and he had said that she seemed a little awkward and nervous. Steve hadn’t mentioned that he was in town and that gave him the element of surprise. Steve had made a date with her to have lunch tomorrow and as a surprise he would be there instead of Steve.

There was no doubt she would be upset and a little betrayed but he needed to talk to her. He needed to see her, to tell her that the words he had told her had haunted his every waking moment. She would probably reject him but it was a chance he was willing to take. As the lights of her apartment turn off he takes a deep breath and turning heads back to his hotel room where he would sleep tonight for the upcoming battle tomorrow.

Reader’s POV

I stare at the blank screen before me. My mind wasn’t able to focus on anything work related at all. “(Name), I needed those files regarding the Wakandan royal family on my desk five minutes ago!” My boss Michael Ross yells out bringing me from my stupor.

“Oh!” I exclaim as I look down at the open file showing a picture of the young prince of Wakanda. “I’m sorry Mr. Ross, I have it right here.” I say as I quickly close the file and hand it over to him.

“What’s with you today? You were doing so well.” He asks his deep brown eyes filled with worry.

“Just didn’t get enough sleep last night. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” I say straightening my back and putting my best businesslike face on.

“Okay, if you need an ear to listen to your troubles, my door’s always open.” He says with a quick wave before he started off back to his office. When his door closes, I let out a sigh of relief before I lean back against my chair my head falling back so I could stare at the ceiling. Damn Steve for showing up and causing my mind to be so muddled. Speaking of Steve. I look at the clock to see that it was almost time for me to go on my lunch break and contemplate sending him a message. I grab my phone only to realize that I had deleted his cell number when I came back to Paris.

“Just my luck.” I groan out as I toss my phone onto my desk and pinch the bridge of my nose. No turning back now. Pulling my cac-card from the reader I place it inside my wallet and standing up I grab my phone and shoving it back into my purse grab my coat. Rolling my shoulders, I slide my chair up to my desk and turning head for the elevator. I give Michael a quick wave signaling that I was leaving for lunch and he nodded.

He gives me a head nod in return as he is on his phone before I climb into the elevator and hit the lobby button. I watch the numbers slowly count down as I try to think about what I was walking into. I thought about somehow running away and hiding but now that they knew I was here that wouldn’t work. Letting out a heavy sigh I hail a cab. When one stops I quickly climb inside and telling him the address fold my hands over my lap and let out a heavy sigh.

It took no time at all to make it to the little café. I hand the cabbie the money I owed before I climb out of the cab and taking a deep breath I head inside. I smile softly as I am greeted by the familiar host who quickly leads me to a table where I could wait for Steve. I order a water as I pull my cell phone out of my purse and start to fiddle with it. A few seconds later I see someone walk up to me out of the corner of my eyes and thinking it to be Steve I fake a smile and look up only to stare wide eyed at the last person I ever wanted to see again. “Bucky…”

“Hey (Name), mind if I sit?” He asks his icy eyes pleading with me. My heart starts to race and my palms grow sweaty as he sits down across from me.

“I thought I was meeting Steve.” I say in disbelief as I stare across the table at him.

“Sorry about that, Steve asked you here for me.” Bucky replies as he leans his elbows on the table.

“Why?” I ask as my throat tries to close up.

“Because I wanted to see you.”

“Why?”

“Because I miss you.”

“Why?” I ask again not getting where he was going with this. Why did he miss me? He was the one who told me to go.

“Because…” He pauses his eyes finding mine as they fill with a silent plea.

“Sargent, I have a very busy schedule. I’m sorry but I need to get back. Tell Steve not to contact me again.” I say as I grab my purse and tossing down some money stand up and leave.

“(Name) wait.” Bucky calls out as he follows after me. I ignore him as I continue on down the street headed anywhere but there. “(Name)! Stop!” Bucky yells out angrily making me stop in my tracks and turn back to him. He gulps down a breath of air as he closes the distance between the two of us and before I have a chance to think crashes his lips against mine. At first I fight against him trying my hardest to push him away so I could keep my sanity but just like before I found I couldn’t.

I grip tighter to his coat as his hands cup both sides of my face holding my lips to his. Tears fill my eyes as I with one last surge of sanity push him away. As he stumbles away from me I feel my hand move on its own as it collides with the side of his face. “Why?”

“Why what?” HE asks making me try to choke back sobs.

“Why now? Why did you kiss me? What do you want from me Barnes?” I question as I try not to burst out in tears. “You told me to leave so I did. What more do you want? How much more will you hurt me?”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He says a pained expression filling his face. “I told you I didn’t need you cause I didn’t want to place you in danger. No matter what I do I will always have bad people after me and I didn’t want to put you through that. I couldn’t see you hurt.”

“Well you failed there, you hurt me more than anyone else ever could.”

“Then why did you stay after I told you to leave? Why did you take so long to leave?”

“Because I saw you.”

“You saw me what?”

“I saw you with another girl,” I answer and he cocks his head in confusion. “You wore a smile I never saw before. You looked happy with her and it broke my heart. I left because I knew you would never look at me like that. I couldn’t stay and watch the man I loved love someone else. I left to get over you. Why won’t you let me do that?”

“Because I love you (Name).” He replies taking me aback.

“You… you love me?” I ask as I start to take a few steps backwards away from him. “It’s not true, you don’t do that to someone you love.”

“It’s true (Name),” He answers as he clenches his jaw. “When I found out you were gone, I lost it. I went crazy. I wanted you to find someone else who was better that I am; but I never expected you to disappear. I never wanted that.”

“Then what did you expect me to do? Flaunt whoever I met in front of you? I couldn’t do that, no matter how upset I was.”

“The more I thought about it while I sat in your old apartment sulking,” He starts as he closes the distance between the two of us. “The more I realized how much I hate the thought of you being with someone else. It would kill me to have to stand by and watch you be happy with someone else no matter how much better they would be for you. I couldn’t do it. I realized then how much I love you (Name). I really and truly love you.”

“What am I supposed to say?” I ask tears silently falling from my eyes.

“Whatever you want. You can tell me to go to hell, to never see you again; hell, you can tell me to eat shit and die and I will.” He adds making me chuckle slightly at his words. “But if there is even the slightest bit of a chance that you can forgive me, and give me a second chance, the please tell me now.” I contemplate all the emotions and feelings running through my body as I stare up into his handsome face. I wanted nothing more than to tell him I loved him and that I wanted to be with him but what if it wasn’t enough. What if all this was, was just smoke and mirrors? It would probably kill me.

I take a deep breath fully intending to tell him no when I hear myself say, “I love you James Barnes.” He smiles and goes to hold me but I hold my had up stopping him in his tracks, “But I’m scared that this is all just…”

“It’s not what you think (Name) I really and truly love you. I will gladly spend the rest of my life proving it to you. If you’ll let me.” He says as his hands reach up to rest on my shoulders. I stare at him for a moment my eyes searching his for any hint that he might be untrue but there is none. Giving him a hopeful smile I wrap my arms around his waist and hold tight to him. “You better not be lying Barnes.” He kisses the top of my head as he gently smoothes my hair back.

“I promise (Name), I’ll always be here for you; and I’ll say it as much as I can. I love you.”

“I love you too James Buchanan Barnes.”

LATER

“I swear you are never allowed to leave the tower again.” Tony says as he sets a glass of whiskey down in front of you.

“Oh really? Why?” I ask a smile covering my lips as I hold tight to Bucky’s hand.

“Because Frosty here is annoying when he’s sulking. I almost tossed him back into Cryo to lighten the mood around here.”

“HEY!” Bucky argues making me laugh at the two of them as I look around at all our friends. Bucky grips tighter to my hand and I smile lovingly at him as I think to myself that I couldn’t be happier.

#berjhawn #james bucky barnes #Bucky Barnes #bucky barns x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #james buchanan barnes #winter soldier fanfic #winter soldier x reader #bucky barnes x reader #fanfiction #marvel fanfiction

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allofbeercom · 6 years

Text

After the Circus by Patrick Modiano – extract

Read an exclusive extract from the Nobel prize winners mysterious, romantic classic set on Parisian streets filled with dreamy unease and quiet menace now available to English readers in a new translation by Mark Polizzotti

I was eighteen, and the man whose face I dont recall was typing up my legal status, address, and supposed student enrollment as fast as I could state them. He asked how I spent my free time.

I paused for a few seconds.

I go to movies and bookstores.

You dont just go to movies and bookstores.

He cited the name of a café. No matter how often I repeated that Id never set foot in the place, I could tell he didnt believe me. Finally, he contented himself with typing the following:

I go to movies and bookstores. I have never been to the Café de la Tournelle, at number 61 on the quay of that name.

Then more questions about my activities and my parents. Yes, I took literature courses at the university. There was no danger in telling him that lie: I really had enrolled in the program, but only to prolong my draft deferment. As for my parents, they were both abroad and I had no idea when theyd return, if ever.

Then he mentioned the names of a man and a woman and asked if I knew them. I answered no. He told me to think very carefully. If I didnt tell the truth, there could be serious consequences. The threat was delivered in a calm, indifferent voice. No, really, I didnt know those two individuals. He typed my answer, then handed me the sheet, at the bottom of which was written: Seen and agreed to. I didnt bother looking over my deposition and signed with a ballpoint pen that was lying on the desk.

Before leaving, I asked why Id had to submit to that interrogation.

Your name was in someones address book.

But he didnt say who that someone was.

Well be in touch if we need you again.

He saw me to the door of his office. In the hallway, on the leather bench, sat a girl of about twenty-two.

Youre next, he said to the girl.

She stood up. We exchanged glances. Through the door that hed left ajar, I saw her sit down in the same chair that Id occupied a moment earlier.

* * *

I found myself back on the quay. It was around five in the afternoon. I walked toward the Pont Saint-Michel, thinking that I might wait for the girl to come out after her interrogation. But I couldnt just loiter about police head-quarters. I decided to bide my time in the café on the corner of Boulevard du Palais, where it meets the quay. And what if she had gone in the opposite direction, toward the Pont-Neuf ? The thought never occurred to me.

I was seated near the window, my eyes fixed on the Quai des Orfèvres. Her interrogation lasted much longer than mine. Night had already fallen when I saw her walking toward the café.

As she was passing by, I tapped on the window with the back of my hand. She looked at me in surprise, then came inside to join me.

She sat down at my table as if we knew each other and had made a date. She was the first to speak.

Did they ask you a lot of questions?

My name was in someones address book.

Do you know who?

They wouldnt tell me. But maybe you can shed some light.

She knitted her brow.

Shed light on what?

I figured your name must have been in that address book, too, and they were questioning you about the same thing.

No. With me, it was just to give evidence.

She seemed preoccupied. It felt like she was slowly forgetting I was there. I kept silent. Then she smiled. She asked how old I was. I said twenty-one, making myself three years older: legal age, at the time.

Do you have a job?

I deal in used books, I said randomly, in a tone I tried to make convincing.

She looked at my face, no doubt wondering if she could trust me.

Will you do me a favor? she asked.

* * *

At Place du Châtelet, she wanted to take the metro. It was rush hour. We stood squeezed together near the doors. At every station, the riders getting off pushed us onto the platform. Then we got back on with the new passengers. She leaned her head on my shoulder and said with a smile that no one could find us in this crowd.

At the Gare du Nord metro stop, we were carried along in the flood of travelers heading for the commuter trains. We crossed through the train station lobby, and in the checkroom she opened a locker and pulled out a black leather suitcase.

I carried the suitcase, which was rather heavy. It occurred to me that it contained more than just clothes. The metro again, same line but in the opposite direction. This time we found seats. We got off at Cité.

At the end of the Pont-Neuf, we waited for the light to turn red. I was feeling increasingly anxious. I wondered how Grabley would greet us when we arrived at the apartment. Shouldnt I tell her about Grabley, so that his presence there wouldnt catch her off guard?

We walked past the Hôtel des Monnaies. I heard the clock on the Institut de France chime nine p.m.

Are you sure no one will mind if I come to your place? she asked.

Nope. No one.

There were no lights in the apartment windows facing the quay. Had Grabley gone to his room, on the courtyard side? Normally he parked his car in the middle of the little square that forms a recess between the Hôtel des Monnaies and the Institut, but it wasnt there.

I opened the door on the fourth floor and we walked through the foyer. We entered the room that had served as my fathers office. Light fell from a naked bulb dangling from the ceiling. No furniture left, except for an old couch with dark red leaf patterns.

I set the suitcase down next to the couch. She went to the window.

You have a nice view . . .

To the left was one end of the Pont des Arts and the Louvre. Directly in front, the tip of Ile de la Cité and the small Vert-Galant park.

We sat on the couch. She looked around her and seemed amazed by the sparseness of the room.

Are you moving out?

I told her that, unfortunately, we had to vacate the premises in a month. My father had gone to Switzerland to live out his days.

Why Switzerland?

It really was too long a story for that evening. I shrugged. Grabley would be back any minute. How would he react when he saw the girl and her suitcase? I was afraid he would call my father in Switzerland, and that the latter, in a last gasp of parental dignity, would try to play the noble paterfamilias, lecture me about my studies and endangered future. But he was wasting his time.

Im tired . . .

I suggested she lie down on the couch. She hadnt removed her raincoat. I remembered that the heating no longer worked.

Are you hungry? I can go get something from the kitchen . . .

She sat on the couch, legs folded under her, resting on her heels.

Dont go to any trouble. Maybe just something to drink . . .

The light in the foyer had gone off. The bow window in the wide front hall leading to the kitchen lit the room with pale glimmers, as if there were a full moon out. Grabley had left the light on in the kitchen. In front of the old dumbwaiter stood an ironing board on which I recognized the trousers of his glen plaid suit. He ironed his own shirts and other clothes. On the folding table, where I sometimes took my meals with him, was an empty yogurt jar, a banana peel, and a packet of instant coffee. He must have eaten in. I found two yogurts, a slice of salmon, some fruit, and a bottle of whiskey three-quarters empty. When I returned, she was reading one of the magazines that Grabley had let pile up for several weeks on the office mantelpiece, risqué periodicals, as he called them, for which he had a great fondness.

I set the tray down in front of us, on the floor.

She had left the magazine open next to her and I could make out the black-and-white photo of a naked woman, seen from behind, hair tied in a ponytail, left leg extended, right leg bent, her knee resting on a mattress.

Interesting reading matter youve got . . .

No, those arent mine . . . They belong to a friend of my fathers.

She bit into an apple and poured herself some whiskey.

What have you got in that suitcase? I asked.

Oh, nothing much . . . Some personal effects . . .

It was heavy. I thought it was stuffed with gold bricks.

She gave me a sheepish smile. She explained that she lived in a house not far from Paris, near Saint-Leu-la-Forêt, but the owners had come back unexpectedly last night. She preferred to leave, as she didnt really get along with them. Tomorrow she would go to a hotel, until she could find a permanent place to live.

You can stay here as long as you like.

I was sure that Grabley, after his initial surprise, would have no objections. As for my father, what he thought no longer mattered.

Are you getting sleepy?

I intended to give her the upstairs bedroom. I would sleep on the office couch.

I led the way, suitcase in hand, up the small inner staircase to the fifth floor. The room was as sparsely furnished as the office. A bed shoved against the back wall. The nightstand and bedside lamp were gone. I switched on the fluorescent lights in the two display cases, on either side of the fireplace, where my father kept his collection of chess pieces, although these had disappeared, along with the small Chinese armoire and the fake Monticelli canvas that had left a discoloration on the sky-blue paneling. I had consigned those three objects to an antiques dealer, a certain DellAversano, for him to sell.

Is this your room? she asked.

Yes.

I had set the suitcase in front of the fireplace. She went to the window, like before, in the office.

If you look all the way to the right, I told her, you can see the statue of Henri IV and the Tour Saint-Jacques.

She gazed distractedly at the rows of books between the two windows. Then she lay down on the bed and removed her shoes with a casual flick of her foot. She asked where I was going to sleep.

Downstairs on the couch.

Stay here, she said. I dont mind.

She had kept on her raincoat. I turned off the lights in the display cases. I lay down next to her.

Doesnt it feel cold to you?

She moved closer and gently rested her head on my shoulder. Lights and shadows shaped like window grates slid across the walls and ceiling.

Whats that? she asked.

The tour boat passing by.

* * *

Photograph: Gamma-Keystone via Getty Images

I awoke with a start. The front door had slammed.

She was lying against me, nude inside her raincoat. It was seven in the morning. I heard Grableys footsteps. He was making a phone call in the office. His voice grew louder and louder, as if he was arguing with someone. Then he left the office and went into his room.

She woke up as well and asked what time it was. She told me she had to be going. She had left some belongings in the house in Saint-Leu-la-Forêt and wanted to collect them as soon as possible.

I offered her breakfast. There was still some instant coffee in the kitchen and one of the boxes of Choco BN biscuits that Grabley always bought. When I returned to the fifth floor with the tray, she was in the large bathroom. She emerged, dressed in her black skirt and pullover sweater.

She said she would call me early that afternoon. She didnt have any paper on which to jot down my number. I took a book from the shelves and tore out the flyleaf, on which I wrote my name, address, and phone number: DANTON 55-61. She folded the paper in four and shoved it in one of her raincoat pockets. Then her lips brushed mine and she said in a low voice that she was grateful and was looking forward to seeing me again.

She walked along the quay toward the Pont des Arts.

I stood at the window for a few minutes, watching her distant silhouette cross the bridge.

I stashed the suitcase in the storage closet at the top of the stairs. I laid it flat on the floor. It was locked. I lay down again and breathed in her scent from the hollow of one of the pillows. She would eventually tell me why theyd questioned her yesterday afternoon. I tried to recall the names of the two people the detective had mentioned, asking whether I knew them. One of them sounded something like Beaufort or Bousquet. In whose address book had they found my name? Was he just trying to get information about my father? Hed asked which foreign country my father had gone to. I had covered his tracks by answering Belgium.

The week before, I had accompanied my father to the Gare de Lyon. He was wearing his old navy blue overcoat and his only luggage was a leather bag. We were early, and we waited for the Geneva train in the large restaurant on the upper level, from which we overlooked the lobby and railway tracks. Was it the late afternoon light? The golden hue on the ceiling? The chandeliers that shone down on us? My father suddenly seemed old and tired, like someone who has been playing cat and mouse for far too long and is about to give up.

The only book he brought with him for the trip was called The Hunt. He had recommended it to me several times, because the author mentioned our apartment, where hed lived twenty years earlier. What a strange coincidence . . . Hadnt my fathers life, in certain periods, resembled a hunt in which he was the prey? But so far, hed managed to elude his captors.

We were facing each other over our coffee. He was smoking, cigarette dangling from the corner of his lips. He talked about my schooling and my future. As he saw it, it was all well and good to want to write novels, as I intended, but it was safer to earn a few diplomas. I kept quiet, listening to him. Words like diplomas, stable situation, profession sounded odd in his mouth. He pronounced them with respect and a kind of nostalgia. After a while, he fell silent, exhaled a cloud of smoke, and shrugged.

We didnt exchange another word until he climbed onto the train and leaned out the lowered window. I had remained on the platform.

Grabley will live with you in the apartment. Afterward, well make a determination. Youll have to rent someplace else.

But he had said it without any conviction. The train for Geneva lurched forward, and at that moment it felt as if I were seeing that face and that navy blue coat pull away forever.

At around nine oclock, I went down to the fourth floor. I had heard Grableys footsteps. He was sitting on the office couch in his plaid bathrobe. Next to him was a tray carrying a cup of tea and a Choco BN. He hadnt shaved and his features were drawn.

Good morning, Obligado . . .

He called me by that nickname because of a friendly wager wed had. One evening, we had arranged to meet in front of a cinema on Avenue de la Grande-Armée. He had told me to get off at the Obligado metro stop. The stop was really called Argentine, but he refused to believe it. We had made a bet, which Id won.

I only got two hours sleep last night. I made my rounds.

He stroked his blond mustache and squinted.

Same places as usual?

The very ones.

His rounds invariably started at eight oclock at the Café des Deux Magots, where he had an aperitif. Then he crossed over to the Right Bank and stopped at Place Pigalle. He stayed in that neighborhood until dawn.

And what about you, Obligado?

I put a girlfriend up last night.

Does your father know?

No.

You should ask him if its all right. Im sure Ill be getting a call.

He imitated my father when he wanted to appear serious and responsible, but it rang even less true than the original.

And what sort of young lady is she?

His face took on the unctuous expression with which he suggested, every Sunday morning, that I go to Mass with him.

First of all, shes not a young lady.

Is she pretty?

I saw on his face the smug, flattering smile of the traveling salesman in some random station bar who over a beer tells you how he got lucky.

My girlfriend last night wasnt too bad either . . .

His tone became aggressive, as if we were suddenly in competition. I no longer remember what I felt at the time, with that seated man, in the empty office that looked as if it had been vacated at a moments notice, its furniture and paintings pawned or repossessed. He was my fathers stand-in, his factotum. They had met when very young on a beach on the Atlantic coast, and my father had corrupted this petty bourgeois Frenchman. For thirty years, Grabley had lived in his shadow. The only habit he retained from his childhood and good upbringing was to attend Mass every Sunday.

Will you introduce me to your girlfriend?

He gave me a complicit wink.

We could even go out together, if you like . . . Im fond of young couples.

I pictured us, her and me, in Grableys car as it crossed over the Seine and headed toward Pigalle. A young couple. One evening Id accompanied him to the Deux Magots, before he headed off on his usual rounds. We were sitting near the windows. I had been surprised to see him greet in passing a couple of about twenty-five: the woman blonde and very graceful, the man dark and overly elegant. He had even gone to talk to them, standing next to their table, while I watched from my seat. Their age and appearance marked such a sharp contrast with Grableys old-world manners that I wondered what fluke could have brought them together. The man seemed amused by what Grabley was saying, but the woman was more detached. Taking his leave, Grabley had shaken the mans hand and given the woman a ceremonious nod. When we left, he introduced them to me, but Ive forgotten their names. Then hed told me that the young man was a very useful contact and that hed met him during his rounds in Pigalle.

You seem pensive, Obligado . . . Are you in love?

He had gotten up and was standing in front of me, hands in the pockets of his bathrobe.

I need to spend all day at the office. I have to sift through the paperwork from seventy-three and move it out.

That was an office my father had rented on Boulevard Haussmann. I often used to go meet him there at the end of the afternoon. A corner room with a very high ceiling. Daylight entered through four French windows overlooking the boulevard and Rue de lArcade. Filing cabinets against the walls and a massive desk with an assortment of inkwells, blotters, and a writing case.

What did he do there? Each time, I would find him on the telephone. After thirty years, I happened across an envelope, on the back of which was printed the name of an ore refining company, the Société Civile dEtudes et Traitements de Minerais, 73 Boulevard Haussmann, Paris 8.

You and your girlfriend can come pick me up at seventy-three. Well go have dinner together . . .

I dont think shes free this evening.

He seemed disappointed. He lit a cigarette.

Well, anyway, call me at seventy-three to let me know your plans . . . Id love to meet her . . .

I was thinking I had to keep a bit of distance, or else wed have him on our backs nonstop. But Ive never been very good at saying no.

This is an extract from After the Circus by Patrick Modiano, published on 21 January by Yale University Press at £10.99. Visit the Guardian Bookshop to preorder it for £8.79.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/after-the-circus-by-patrick-modiano-extract/

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