#if you asked me this question again right now id have more lyrics

[heymeowmao]

2023.04.11 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324889450688938446

Surprise! I’ll stream a small while~

bgm: Fall in Love LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Welcome! - /ends the song with the ~playboy voice~ and asks to add your WeChat ID/ LYN: Right? It was pretty sudden, today. I remember I once told you that I would stream until you threw up. I’m going to slowly make good on that promise. Don’t say I’m giving you inconceivable fantasies. It’s time to make good on my promise.

LYN: I don’t have a theme today, nor do I have anything in particular to share. I just wanted to come and chat. Today I will stream a little less. It won’t be for too long.

C: Ning-ge, you’re so fashionable today! LYN: So do I usually dress unfashionably? My outfits for the past few streams were lacking?

LYN: After I streamed the last time, I saw someone comment that every time after I stop streaming they take some time to cry alone. I didn’t know what to say. At the time I- I realized that a lot of friends feel a sense of loss after I stop streaming. So I was thinking I would, if I had the time, come to greet you more often.

LYN: Of course, every time I come to stream there are always some group of you who have unreasonable requests. Like, “How about a kiss?” XD Uh... if you want one then I am not the person who’ll be giving it to you. Find whoever you want, just not me. 

bgm: 阿拉斯加海湾 (Gulf of Alaska)

LYN: If you’re watching a stream, just watch the stream. Why do you have to come up with all these unreasonable requests? Like this one: ”Ning-ge, undo a button from your shirt.” First of all, this is a PG stream. Secondly, what can undoing one button do for you?? What do you get out of it?! I don’t understand why you would ask such a question. I wanted to look neater and here you are telling me to undo a button. Tell me, what would one button do for you? Are you going to become passionate or?? Or are you simply innocently commenting that it looks like the collar is too tight, so you want me to undo a button to relieve me? Then, I’ll undo a button. Amazing. // So it seems like you thought it looked tight. Alright, it’s undone. I don’t want you to feel any pressure. C: Just afraid you’d be hot. LYN: It’s okay, I have AC at home. It’s cold enough.

C: You’re streaming again right as I have to work. LYN: What time is it now, that you have to work? It’s 9:30p. It must be hard on you. I’m guessing you have a night shift? Remember to rest well; you’ve worked hard. But if you’re working, of course, focus on your work. it doesn’t matter if you watch my stream or not. When this is over there’s always the playback. Finish your work and watch the playback later.

C: Undo another one. LYN: It’s already undone. Let’s stop talking about this, now. Otherwise it’s going to look like my stream is weird. It’ll look like our topics of conversation are strange. I want to have a green-lit stream. Let’s stop talking about this- change the subject.

C: How come you’re streaming again? LYN: My main theme is “unexpected attendance”. Ever since I started filming as the male lead in dramas, it’s true that the frequency of my streams have significantly lowered. We’re going to be switching locations in a couple of days and I heard that the schedule is going to be packed. I’m not sure if I will have the time later to stream so I decided I would stream while I have the time.

C: Lao-da, can you wish me a Happy Birthday? LYN: Happy Birthday. Today is April 11th, and it’s your birthday, right? Happy Birthday.

LYN: I already told you not to call me “lao gong” (husband) and things like that. If you continue to be so presumptuous, I’m going to kick you out. Let’s communicate using terms used in a normal relationship, alright? Don’t call me your husband. I don’t want to use these types of terms between us. It’s very... in poor taste.

C: Have you fixed the lyrics? LYN: I did start my stream and try to adjust it but I couldn’t fix it. I think I might have to change my computer. I don’t know where the problem is. The software can’t find my lyrics anymore. It will only show the title of the song, but not the lyrics. When I get back and reinstall everything, then we’ll talk. It’s alright, though. You’re looking at me, anyway. Or are you really scrutinizing the lyrics in such detail? You don’t need to.

C: I am a student-fan who crossed the seas to see you. LYN: ? You don’t need to add so many qualifiers. It’s not necessary either. You can use your phone to watch the stream. It’s not like you ACTUALLY crossed the seas. Are you watching my stream from the ocean? You must have gotten on a boat, and are watching my stream from the boat? No, right? You’re just watching my stream on your phone. What do you mean a “student-fan who crossed the seas”?? I don’t really get it. LYN: That’s why you have to do well in school. If you’re in school, focus on your studies. When you graduate, I hope you can all find good jobs. I want my fans to be able to find good jobs after they graduate. If they do, then that means that my concert tickets can be more easily sold (bc people can afford to buy them). Don’t rush. I’ll wait for you.

C: Ning-ge, do you not have any money to buy any other colored wigs? LYN: Uh... yeah. Are you going to add my WeChat and send me 50RMB? I went online to search for wigs and I saw some are around 60+RMB. How about this- transfer me 50 and I will make up the rest myself. Alright? Let’s add each other and you can transfer me 50RMB. Let’s see how sincere you are. LYN: No- I have other colors; I have all of the colors. I have a pink one and a grey one. But I found out that on video the white makes me look a little cooler. I tried a few colors and decided that this one is actually not bad. So I’ve been using this one. I’ll try to go online and see if there are any other good quality ones and buy some more. C: Yellow. LYN: You can’t really see the yellow clearly on video- it doesn’t give much of a feel. / I thought you’d seen too much of this hair so that’s why I added a hat today. Now it feels like I’ve changed it up. It’s fine, just watch and be done with it.

C: I’m making comments, but why can’t I see them? LYN: Because there’s a lag. Don’t worry, I can see everything from my side. You don’t need to worry that I won’t see your comments. I see them all.

C: Ning-ge, I’ll give you 5000. Get a blue one. LYN: A blue one? Do you really like... Avatar? Blue is okay, I can buy one. You don’t need to give me 5000, I can afford it. The problem is that the blue color might make my face look darker. I guess this friend likes Avatar.

C: Hello, I came from the ZY reuters. LYN: /laughs/ Oh- is it that I don’t need my music to get fans for me, I can even get fans through reuters? Those can help me gain new fans?

C: You look handsome. LYN: /snaps his fingers/ Look at that. This world is still fair. Maybe you... have some astigmatism, and think I look handsome? It must be because you’ve read too many books and your eyesight is blurry. But this person must have seen my face and also seen gotten that blurry feeling, so it’s like another added filter. Thanks for saying I’m handsome. You have good taste, friend.

C: Ning-ge, you really have so much free time? LYN: Not really. If I wanted to be busy, I could be. I could go record some songs and not stream, instead. But I figured I would stream and find another day to record songs. I still owe some. I’m not FREE, I just used the time that I could be using to go out to eat to stream. There is no “busy” or “not busy”. LYN: I already said. I want my friends in this industry... no, not “in this industry”- in this circle to have the slightest bit of happiness. I want to appear in front of them often, so they don’t worry about not being able to find me. Of course, I have my own worries. Which are that once all these dramas start airing and varieties start being released, my fans are going to start running.  LYN: I experienced something like this before. I often sing OSTs- this, you all know. It expanded my horizons. If I sang an OST for any recent drama, I will always tell my fans to go watch that drama. When I stream, I promote the show too. And because I have a lot of time and scroll through my SuperTopic, I discovered that some group of friends may start off having a profile picture of me... but then it changes to another artist after a while. But they remain in my SuperTopic. Do you know how that feels? So let me open for business, a little.

LYN: /sigh/ Someone was spamming. Friends, don’t spam in my comments. What that means is they repeat one word over and over to try and gain my attention. Don’t do that. I find it annoying and it also affects everyone else’s viewing experience. Don’t spam in my stream. Thanks, everyone. LYN: If this were before and we weren’t on Weibo I would have kicked you out a long time ago. On weibo it reaches a wider audience, it’s not a closed system like other platforms. If this were before, I would have kicked you out. But now, I need to... maintain my image. But really, if you type too many words it affects other people’s view. Some people get carsick. If they see so many words flying across their screen watch out or they’re going to throw up.

C: Ning-ge, let me tell you. You have to bait your fans/string them along. LYN: Where did you learn such a useless thing? Did you used to be a fan of someone else? Other people can bait their fans all they want, but I don’t play that game here. LYN: Right, fam’?? /laughs/ LYN: I don’t play that game. My stream counts as a sort of outlet, for my work. But it’s also a way to relax. I don’t really have the time to go out and play, nor do I like going out for drinks. I really don’t enjoy drinking at all, but somehow the internet is spreading rumors that I like to accompany people for drinks. “Liu Yuning goes out for a drink and comes back with a job.” /sigh/ “All of LYN’s work comes from accompanying so-and-so Director for drinks.” First of all, if we go by that logic- let’s not factor in the fact of whether I can handle drinks or not, or whether this is truth or fiction- by this logic there would be no actor in this industry who should be lacking work. What is it- whoever’s alcohol tolerance is the best, gets the most work? It’s not as easy as you might think. Usually I- /sigh/ It doesn’t matter. If someone wants to say shit about you, they’ll say anything. C: Ning-ge, are you a one drink and out? LYN: Not as limited as one drink. My tolerance has been improving over time, I guess it might have to do with the fact I’m getting older? My tolerance is improving. I used to only be able to handle one bottle of beer. Now I can do two. It’s doubled. Two bottles of beer should be... fine. C: Ning-ge, when you’re out for drinks do you talk much, too? LYN: I don’t really talk. Maybe when you’re watching my stream I’m like a dragon- always blowing smoke. But when I stream I’m relaxed because I know that the people who come to see me are largely my fans. Most of them are my fans and only a small portion might be passersby or people who know OF me and want to come in to take a look. My fans- honestly- that all flatter me. They like me, so they’re okay with whatever I say. They can accept anything I say and they know I don’t mean to say anything with ill-intent. You know? But when I’m out and about and having drinks or a meal with the boss or superiors then I have to be careful with what I say. If you can get away with speaking less then do. Who knows if you might say something wrong and make someone unhappy. You’re not even clear exactly what these people do. Normally when I go out for a social gathering like that I don’t really say anything. I can be here and chat all I want because you are my fans. I can’t go out there with the directors and producers and do the same- who do I think I am?? I just eat quietly and that’s it. C: You’re indifferent to strangers. LYN: Yes and no, you can’t call it “indifferent”. Honestly I am a different person when I stream. Whether it’s my friends in real life or my coworkers- as soon as they watch one of my streams they’ll think it’s weird. If they watch my stream they’ll come up to me the next day and ask if I went crazy when streaming. I said, “What’s up?” and they reply that I seemed like I was crazy, making such a racket in my stream but why is it that normally I don’t talk much? I seem like a “normal” person most times but when I start streaming I’m “crazy”. Like two different people. Old but still vigorous. In private I am not like how I act in my streams. It’s not that I’m indifferent or pretending to be, I just don’t know what I should say and I don’t really like saying anything. When I’m filming I get into the character- because I’m stupid, so I get immersed. It’s not because I am taking it seriously. I’m a little slow, so I don’t dare to let my mind wander. Unless the scenes I am filming are light, then I will relax a little. If the scenes are heavier, then I will drop my mood for the whole time.  LYN: I really do talk the most when I’m streaming. I don’t even talk this much when I’m on variety shows.

C: I like watching your streams. LYN: Yeah. I’m more relaxed in my streams. I don’t consider this work- I just come to chat. People can watch or not. I can play some songs. I can chat with you all. Its nice. There’s no pressure.

C: Ning-ge, I read the original novel of ZY and started liking you. LYN: ?? How mysterious. Why is that? I’m only playing a role in ZY, but you started liking me because you read the original novel?? Have I been transformed from words on a page? I don’t really get it... Maybe it’s that they saw that I was going to play Wei Shao and they got too into it? But seeing my current look, can you still say you feel the same? C: You acted it very well. LYN: How come you’re speaking as if the drama has already aired?? It’s that you saw the leaks and have convinced yourself of the characters? You associate my face with the character when reading the novel now? Thank you, everyone. Truly. C: It already aired. LYN: Is it 2024 right now??? There are time travelers in my stream and you’ve already watched the drama and have traveled back in time to 2023 to chat with me in my stream? Is that it? So mysterious? Look at that. Amazing. Then tell me, did ZY do well? You already watched it and travelled back in time, right? Is it popular? Or no? // It is popular? While you’re at it, can you tell me the lottery numbers for 2024.4.11? What are they? C: ZY “exploded”. You’re at the top, now. LYN: /laughing/ /suddenly sobers/ Don’t trick me. Thank you. // There really are people giving me numbers! You know the lottery numbers for 2024... if that’s the case why are you telling me about them in the comments instead of buying a ticket yourself? If you had travelled back in time from 2024, that’s the first thing you would have done. Why are you waiting around for me to ask you about them? You’re all liars! Everyone who is typing numbers into my chat right now must be rich in 2024! C: I’m not buying any tickets to save it for you. LYN: We could say nonsense, but you can’t take me for a fool. You think my IQ is that low?? LYN: Your imaginations really are something. Why don’t we write a drama script together? It’ll be called “Travel Back in Time to Buy Lottery Tickets”.  C: Ning-ge, you buy the tickets. I’m telling you the numbers so that you can buy them, because I have tickets for another day. LYN: LOL. “You win this 5M first, because I will go win a different prize amount. I’ll let you win this round, Ning-ge. You go buy the tickets.” /sigh/ Alright. LYN: Our main theme for today’s stream is “TimeTravel-ZY’sPopular”

C: Ning-ge, you don’t have work tonight? LYN: I can if I wanted to. I can go record songs or do some voice acting. But I chose to stream. I know I just did a stream a couple of days ago and you are all thinking I wouldn’t stream again for a while, but I just wanted to stream. I just want the element of surprise.

LYN: There are some fans here typing in English?? Um.. you’ve overestimating me. LYN: /in English/ I don’t understand you talk some. (??) My English is so bad. Sorry-ah.  LYN: Coming at me in English, I can’t communicate. Sorry.

C: Why is the ground in guzhuang dramas always wet? LYN: This friend really has an eye for detail! It’s true. I’ve done my fair share of guzhuang dramas, now. Every time before we start filming we will ask the set laoshi to clean the floors. We’re not cleaning the floors simply to rid the set of dust, but so that the floor is wet. What I’m thinking is-  C: It looks clean. LYN: ... I really haven’t thought about this before. I didn’t care about this, before but now that I think about it, they always make the floor wet before we start rolling. C: So there’s a reflection? // So it’s shiny? // To make it look new. LYN: That’s probably the correct thinking. When I go to work tomorrow I’ll ask the Director and crew about it and tell you the answer in the next stream. Why do I feel like they mop the floor after they finish stationing the cameras? I don’t know if it’s for the reflection or if mopping the floor makes it look better. I’m not sure. It’s not so the dust won’t be stirred up; it has nothing to do with that. Because when we’re shooting in a room they will create smoke so there’s a hazy look and the light is diffused. We’re not afraid of the dust... C: Maybe afraid that the floor is showing scuff marks? LYN: No~ If we scuff the floor all they have to do is re-wax it. C: So you don’t slip. LYN: Not so. Some scenes I needed to run and have almost slipped because the floor was wet. It’s not slippery when dry, but it is when wet. I’ll ask about it tomorrow and tell you the answer next time I stream. // It should be so that it looks new... I think that logic tracks. But I’ll ask tomorrow. You can hold me to it.

C: Ning-ge is the saber heavy? LYN: You mean the longsword? It’s a jian, not a dao.** When we’re shooting fight scenes, the actor’s weapons are mostly fake. They’re either made with plastic or from bamboo or wood. A lighter material, so it’s not particularly heavy. But there are certainly real swords- like when we’re doing special takes. In some scenes it will focus on let’s say- a person’s neck, and the sword pointed at it. In this case the sword is real. But normally if two people are fighting each other, it’s a fake sword. More skilled actors could possibly use the real thing, because they have more awareness of the weapon. But for actors like us who have not undergone years of training it’s fake. We don’t want to accidentally cut someone with a real weapon- that’d be terrible. We don’t need anyone dying because they were trying to shoot a drama. We can’t be afraid of hurting each other, and wishy-washy about the fight scenes because of it- so we use fake weapons. [** jian (longsword) - straight, double-edged sword vs dao (saber) - single-edged sword, typically curved]

C: Ning-ge, why do you keep furrowing your brows and glaring when you stream? LYN: /laughs/ I’m trying to pick you up, didn’t you know? I just wanted to flirt when you were unawares but you’ve caught me so how do you expect me to explain? LYN: No, my eyes have some discomfort. When I overuse them or the nerve hurts- I have a (nerve) problem. [also read as: “神经病” = “I’m crazy.”] So I’ve developed this habit of scrunching- but don’t worry I don’t do it when I’m acting. LYN: I’m not making faces, I’m trying to wink at you. I was trying to wink but you say I’m making faces at you- oh my goodness... how hurtful.

C: Ning-ge, will you go on a variety show? LYN: I will, but I’m working on the drama right now. When it’s over I’ll think about going on a show, we’ll see. I’ll be on one, at least. Other variety shows have contacted me but the timing didn’t match up so I didn’t go. I will record some shows; to go and relax. To me variety shows are like playing. I can go relax and wander around if there’s time between takes. C: Is it a music-related one? LYN: One did contact me but the timing didn’t work out. C: What a shame. LYN: It’s alright. There are plenty of opportunities. There’s a limit to your time, right? So you’ve got to make some choices. C: Is it a travel show? LYN: I think there IS a travel show scheduled for later. We’ll see. I hope I can make it. As long as I have the time. I hear that the guests are all people I am close with.

C: Disney stream. LYN: I probably.... The Disney stream is like this- I promised you all that I would go to Shanghai Disney and do a stream there. And then... I thought of it too simply. I thought I could just take my phone, go to Disney, and wander around and stream at the same time. I thought that was all there was to it. The problem is.... C: There are too many people. LYN: That’s not it. It’s that Disney won’t allow you to stream there. Have you ever seen anyone stream from there? Usually you’re made to stop as soon as you start. They don’t allow live-streaming in the park. It’s a copyright issue- they just don’t allow it. It’s not as if just because you have an annual membership you suddenly can. But- I have a collaboration with Disney, don’t I?  C: Don’t you have an “in” with Disney? LYN: Right. So I was chatting with them about this. We’re close now, after the collab. They said, “No one else can stream but if it’s you, you can.” They’re giving me that much face?? I’m not worth it. But they’re also afraid of possible congestion, so I would first have to give them an itinerary. I’ve to let them know which attractions I want to visit and where I’m going next. So they can assign people to escort me. They would gather up some staff and we would use the employee walkways. You know, how Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse have their own passageways? They don’t use the public paths and move directly from place to place. I will use those passages to move around as well.  C: Pulling rank. LYN: It’s not exactly that- I have a collaboration with Disney, so they’re just allowing me this small benefit, is all. It’s like using the employee passages. I would set a few places and and go and do activities there. I will be able to stream, but they’re afraid of the possible traffic it could cause. Just in case someone wants to try and hit me or something. I already look like I’m looking for a beating, so they don’t want me to be streaming in Disney and for someone to come deck me. In that case I would need to quickly find an employee passage and run. It’s possible. LYN: So, that’s how the stream might be structured. I’ll decide on a few places and some employees will accompany me around. It should be around May. We’re in discussions. I think it would be more fun if I could wander and stream but they have their own process. So it could be like how I described it earlier.

C: Ning-ge, then do it secretly. LYN: How could I? As soon as I start the stream it’s going to be announced on Weibo. Do you think Disney doesn’t look there?? There’s no way. They’ll know in an instant. There’s no way of doing this secretly. How could I?? Do you think I’m just streaming to a group of friends in WeChat? No one will care about me, there. But if I’m streaming on Weibo there’s no way to do it secretly. I want my streams to be seen by more and more people and here you are telling me to do it secretly! XD C: Ning-ge, hide your phone in your pocket. LYN: You must be crazy. If I put it in my pocket what are you going to be watching? The inside of my pocket?? If you put a sack over your head you could be “watching” the same stream. C: Ning-ge, how about this? Go in dressed as a character. LYN: You’re probably thinking I can just put the head on, put my camera where the mouth hole is, and no one could tell? But... the costumes in Disney are all accounted for. They’re kept locked up. If you want me to do this stream, not only do I have to stream secretly, but also steal clothes?? That’s illegal, friend. You must not want me to do well in life, anymore. That’s stealing. Even if I didn’t steal a costume and brought my own in- I’ll go online and buy a Calabash Brother costume, wear that in- that would look weird. C: There’s nothing in your size. LYN: I can buy an XL, can’t I?? A 1.9m tall Winnie the Pooh- is that so wrong?  C: Haier Brothers. LYN: What do I need to buy anything for that, for? I can just go in wearing swim trunks, in that case. I’ll tell them I am also a Disney representative, of the Haier Brothers. Then it won’t count as breaking in.

LYN: Friends, if you’re here for the first time you have to know that most of what’s said in my stream is complete nonsense. Please don’t take this seriously. In my stream a lot of the topics are just me and my fans messing around. Don’t take it seriously.

C: You can consider Avatar. LYN: There’s no way. Disney is such a strict place. You can’t walk in there wearing the Calabash Brothers or the Haier Brothers costumes. Not even that. If you’re IN the park and you buy a princess costume and want to wear it inside, they won’t let you. You can’t just wear whatever you want, in there. Otherwise I’d go in as Sun Wukong. I’ll go online and buy a mask for the furry face and grab by staff and go. No way. They’ll kick you out. They have security guards. I’ll wear a Zhu Bajie costume inside! No way. You’re thinking of this too simply. C: Wearing Sun Wukong inside a Disney park IS strange... C: If no one else can do it, you can. LYN: /laughs/ Someone said I have an “in” with Disney, so they’ll open the back door and let me in. Absolutely not. No matter how close they are to me there’s no way they’re going to do it at the expense of their brand.

C: Ning-ge, wear the invisibility cloak to get inside. LYN: Invisibility cloak... you must have seen too much Harry Potter. Do you also believe there’s magic in this world? Or is it that muggles like us can’t understand the magical world? LYN: Someone told me to wear an invisibility cloak to get inside the park. Oh my goodness. You’re too amazing.

C: This streamer looks a lot like Liu Yuning. LYN: LOL. Do I look a lot like LYN? ... He’s imitating me. Next time you see that person who looks like me streaming you should go report him. 

C: Your clothes today are so nice! LYN: Have I not worn this before? I think I have? It’s nothing- just a shirt. -  LYN: I won’t stream for too long today. I have nothing else going on, so I just came to chat. I’ll sign off soon, but I just want to chat for a bit longer. I don’t have a lot of energy. C: Sing. LYN: Sing? I can sing one or two. I don’t have a lot of energy, I feel a little tired. - C: Never seen you wear it before. LYN: You haven’t? Then I must not have.

~ - ~

bgm: 问风 (Ask the Wind)

C: /asks for a song I didn’t catch the name of - “zhi”?/ LYN: Someone asked for this song the last time, too. But I can’t sing just- /snores/ The songs are like this- I need the accompaniment track in order to sing it. I don’t have the track. It’s not like before, when Da-Fei and Ah-Zhuo were here, they could play me any song. I don’t have them right now so if the track isn’t on the internet then I can’t sing it. That’s why I didn’t sing this song the last time, either. Singing is nothing, but I don’t have the track. C: “Shi”. LYN: Right. “Shi”. What did I say earlier, “zhi”? C: Sing two lines acapella. LYN: My second aunt... 

C: Wujiapo. LYN: Let’s do it! // I’m not very good at these operatic types, so I’m just singing for fun, alright? Just listen for entertainment.  - /starts but jumps in too early and messes up the timing/ LYN: /clears his throat/ Hold on a second. Wait. I just discovered that my eye makeup is smudging. -- 武家坡2021 (Wujiapo 2021)

-- break #1 - /kazoobie makes its reappearance to the tune of 问风 (Ask the Wind)/

C: Sing the theme song to TtEotM. LYN: If I sing it... It won’t be “fresh” anymore. Let me blow it for you. How does that sound? --  我爱的这个世界 (My World), Till the End of the Moon OST (kazoobie ver.) LYN: Amazing. That’s my trump card. I don’t have anything else but a lot of equipment. Double kazoobie. It’s a duet. We’ve upgraded to a dual performance. The best of the best.

C: Lao-da, can you do a rap song? LYN: Didn’t I sing one the last time? (雪Distance) I sang it the last time. You didn’t seem to like my version of it, so I’ll never sing it again.

C: 麒麟 (Qilin) LYN: I only know that one part and I don’t say it smoothly, either. (麒麟) I only know that one part, I can’t do the rest. Let me try it, though. // I need to change into shades. - /reciting the lyrics to the whole song to familiarize himself with them. XD/ C: That’s enough. LYN: I was just reciting the lyrics, why is it “enough”? Who are you looking down on? I might not sing this song very well, but I can be sure the mood matches up. /recites the lyrics some more/ -- 麒麟 (Qilin) - /tired AF/ LYN: Old but still vigorous. I’m old. I can’t really keep up with these lyrics. - /out of breath/ LYN: Isn’t this usually how it goes, after an idol finishes their performance? // They look into the camera while trying to catch their breath. If I also do that then doesn’t it seem like I was very into the performance? C: Ning-ge, is old but vigorous. LYN: Yes, I’m 老当益壮 (lǎo dāng yì zhuàng) (determined to hold one’s position despite old age). // In the future you can call me Liu Yizhuang.

C: Ning-ge, your streaming condition today isn’t bad! LYN: Am I usually lacking? One which day did my condition not match up to today? Just because I sang that song just now, you think that my condition is good?? No- I’m still not good enough.

C: Sing 问风 (Ask the Wind). LYN: I’ll try it. Because this is for a woman’s key, so it might not be very comfortable for me. - /adds a sound effect/ LYN: This is too low. - /tries it a different way/ LYN: /to the tune of Ask the Wind/ ~It seems like this way is also uncomfortable and unfeasible~ LYN: It’s too high! C: Kugou can lower the key. LYN: What kugou are you using that’s so advanced? Mine can’t do that. LYN: Let me try it, I’ll do it just like this. With the “pinched” tone. -- 问风 (Ask the Wind) (original key) LYN: It doesn’t work. The mood starts turning all wrong. C: I’m already laughing. LYN: What do you mean? LYN: Let me try lowering it by an octave and see if I can. -- 问风 (Ask the Wind) (lowered by an octave) LYN: Thank you. I didn’t sing that very well, but listen for entertainment.

bgm: 天光 (Heaven Light), Chong Zi OST

C: Man, you’re playing with fire. LYN: You’ve successfully gained my attention.

C: Have you downloaded 笑红尘 (Laughing at the Mundane World)? LYN: I really don’t have it. I looked for it the other day and I don’t think we saved it. One day I’ll ask Jiangsu Satellite TV if I can have it. I’ll ask for it. I don’t think we saved it; I really did look. LYN: I really don’t have it- I just looked through again. I’ll ask.

C: 同生 (Co-Existence) [The Love of Hypnosis OST] LYN: How does that one go? Let me listen to it. If I’m remembering correctly, this song was hard to sing. LYN: This is The Love of Hypnosis OST... but the problem is this drama hasn’t aired yet but my OST for it has. Since the drama hasn’t aired I haven’t had much of a chance to listen to this song. Usually I’ll listen when the drama is airing but since it hasn’t I haven’t really paid any attention to this song. I forgot how to sing it. It’s been too long. I recorded it a long time ago and it was released a long time ago. The drama hasn’t aired yet. But I’ll try it, okay? LYN: Let me look up the lyrics. C: Even I know how to sing this! LYN: Then YOU sing it. Come on. Come here, I’ll give you the mic. If you know it, then you come sing it. Who are you trying to diss? Don’t think I don’t have you figured out. I just said I was unfamiliar with this song and may have forgotten how to sing it, and you say you know it. So what you mean is- // Let me look up the lyrics. Don’t rush. LYN: /turns on a mic effect/ Hello my dearest viewers, good evening. I am your beloved Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. This "余生” is for you. I hope you like it. - [t/n: he called the song the wrong name X’D] -- 同生 (Co-Existence) LYN: I think I sang it incorrectly. This is my own song- let me sober up. - /continues, ends up missing the timing/ LYN: ... ... LYN: The stream lagged, okay? There was a small problem with the internet, just now. It lagged. It doesn’t effect your overall viewing experience. The beginning didn’t really lag, but the ending half did. It’s okay though, friends. The internet cut out, is all. The connection here is bad. C: The mic broke. LYN: No, it was just an effect of “lagging”. There was no problem with the mic today. We can’t blame the mic every time. X’D It lagged. Please understand. C: No, no, no. Ning-ge, my headphones broke. LYN: You don’t need to say that. Because I’m afraid you’ll say that my singing broke your headphones so you’ll want me to buy you a new pair. 

C: My best friend really likes you. LYN: /clicks his tongue/ That’s normal.

C: Can we do an interview segment? LYN: You want to interview me? Okay, we can do that. Interview me if you’d like. I guess all of you must be the media.

C: Ning-ge, all the people in my class like you! LYN: Thank you. Thank all the students in your class. That’s very nice, and I’m so happy.

C: Lao-da, why is your skin so pale? LYN: The beauty filter is on. “Brightening” is on 35.  - LYN: Am I trending? No way, do I have what it takes? I don’t. / Friends- go take a look for me. Am I really? -  LYN: Right. Someone asked why I’m so pale. It’s because “brightening” is on 35 and “blur” is on 100. It’s at its limit and can’t go any higher. - C: #32 in the Entertainment Tab. LYN: What’s wrong with that? / Isn’t it 35? C: It’s 32. LYN: Oh, nice. It rose a little while we were discussing it.

C: Ning-ge, when is your stream NOT trending? LYN: I have nothing to be trending FOR. We’re going for “no news is good news” right? There isn’t anything particularly outstanding about my stream- it’s too regular. I’m not like other artists, like some good friends of mine, who only stream every once in a while. When they stream it’s very fresh. My stream is a long-running thing, so there’s nothing really new for the viewers to look at. The people who like me will like the fact that I am streaming but the people who don’t like or care about me are probably thinking, “Why is he streaming AGAIN?” They’re not interested. It’s a different way of thinking, is all- what do they care if I stream or not. // It’s not a big deal.

C: Can you tell us in advance when you’re about to stream? LYN: You want me to give you a call?? What do you mean, “Can you tell us in advance?”? Because my stream- isn’t for business. I don’t need to tell you in advance on what day and what time on what platform I will be streaming as a brand spokesperson to meet with you all. I’m not recommending you any products- there’s none of that. I’m not that type of streamer. With my stream usually it’s when I wrap with work early. It’s not as if it’s a shame to have missed it when I am live or anything, either. You can subscribe to my weibo, and the next time I start a stream it will notify you. C: But it doesn’t. LYN: You must not have notifications on. Or, you haven’t selected the option to pay special attention to my page. // Next time I’ll try to announce it beforehand, but don’t count on it. I was thinking I would come home, shower, and get a good rest. But then I was thinking that resting wasn’t appropriate. So I’ll stream for a bit.

C: It’s my first time seeing the stream, are there any benefits. LYN: Benefits? The benefit is that I’m not kicking you out. You’re here watching my stream and I don’t have any special requests on my part- I don’t expect you to spend money here. I even gift you with my wonderful voice at no cost. That’s your benefit. It’s good enough, yeah? LYN: Actually, this friend reminded me. Anyone who is watching my stream right now all have a benefit. When I hold my concert anyone who is in the stream today- as long as you have a screenshot- can receive a 5yuan discount on the cost of my concert ticket. If you’re watching my stream right now, then take a screenshot immediately. Then when you’re buying tickets for my concert it will automatically deduct 5yuan. How does that sound? C: Can I use it with the discount I got the last time? LYN: No. You can only use one per concert.  C: Ning-ge, I have five now... LYN: Just keep collecting them.

C: Trending on main at #45 LYN: I don’t believe it. Let me go take a look. // /smug/ I’m at #41. I saw it. LYN: Since I’m on the main page now I should make myself more presentable. I can’t have my appearance not live up to status of having a trending topic. I don’t want anyone to come in through the topic and see a sloppy-haired beast. LYN: Every time I’m trending there will be a new group of friends who enter my stream for the first time. Many of them have probably never seen me before. They’ve never seen me but have heard of me. They may have heard my songs, but never seen my dramas or my streams. But the first time they come- I want to leave a good impression. I should stop talking, now. Let me play the role of “quiet boy.” From now on I am the quiet type, alright? I’ll sing a song. LYN: What song is on the quiet side and can also give off the impression that I’m just a pretty boy? Someone with a lot of charms~ Is there any song that can do that? Let me think... maybe something ballad/folk. - /reviewing song options/ LYN: How about 走你? (走马) // Let me grab my guitar. /strums it/ It’s not tuned. Whatever. We’re not listening to this. It’s just a prop. -- 走马 (Zou Ma) (Cursory Glance)

LYN: /gently/ Welcome all the new friends, to my stream. Here I will share with you some nice songs. I’m more of a quiet person in daily life, so I wanted to give you a quiet song. I hope you liked it.

bgm: 与子成说 (Yu Zi Cheng Shuo), The Starry Love OST LYN: That’s about enough. // Friends, my topic wouldn’t have dropped because I sang that song, right?? It’s happened before. I made it to a trending topic on main and wanted to show off my talents in thanks so I sang a song and- my trending topic disappeared. LYN: It really fell. Let’s not talk about whether I sang well or not. If I can drop down the list just by singing a song, then the future of the music scene is... yeah. (in bad shape). C: #42. LYN: Oh, I didn’t drop? C: It’s not that fast. LYN: /laughs/ So you’re saying it’ll still drop either way, but can’t it rise instead?? “It doesn’t drop that quickly.” Okay. Thanks! Your words were of a great comfort!

C: I came in because of the trending topic. LYN: It seems like we do have some new friends, here. If you haven’t yet subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Don’t think that my Standard Mandarin isn’t good just because you hear me speaking like this in my stream- I CAN speak Standard dialect. Don’t let this affect whether or not you watch my dramas when they air.  LYN: I think that if you were able to come to my stream today... you are all.. friends. You are all my guests. I hope that I can make more friends through my stream, so... I will gift you with the song “朋友 (Friends)”. I hope that starting from today- even if you don’t know me, even if you don’t understand me- I hope that we can sing this song together. After the song is over, we will be friends. -- 朋友 (Friends by Alan Tam) C: I don’t know Cantonese. LYN: I don’t either. I’m also just making it up as I go, aren’t I? C: Ning-ge, aren’t we “family”? LYN: /thinking/ -- 我们是一家人 (We Are a Family) LYN: ?? I can’t find the song! Isn’t there one that goes, “Because we are a family...” What song is that? Oh, 相亲相爱一家人 (A Loving Family), right? They don’t have it?? /found it/ This song is for all my family. If you know how to sing it, let’s sing together! -- 相亲相爱一家人 (A Loving Family) LYN: How is it, are you satisfied? C: Damn it. I actually sang along. LYN: /laughing/ Wait- is that a shameful thing?? Doesn’t that just make it more of a fact that we are one family and one mind? Is that not it?

C: The people who came in because of the trending topic will all be scared away. LYN: ... I don’t believe it. How can the people who came in because of the trending topic be scared away? Do you think they are cowards? -- 胆小鬼 (Coward) LYN: Right? There’s no way. How could you think they are cowards? They’re not, rest assured. They’ve seen all there is to see, already. (won’t be easily scared away).

C: Ning-ge, didn’t you say you wanted to be a quiet pretty boy? LYN: Ah... I gave up. There are some things in this world... if they’re meant to be yours it will be, if it’s not meant to be yours then don’t try to force it. LYN: I can’t believe there are some people replying the song I sang just now was “addicting”. Oh? You like this style of music? Then, we will become very good friends. I think if you are able to accept that style of music then you can really be a true musician. If you enjoyed that song and think it was addicting, you can go out into the world and say, “As a musician, I think...”. You can give yourself a title.

C: Ning-ge, how about a non-mainstream song? LYN: Are you trying to hurt me? What if I go online and search “non-mainstream songs” and I end up singing so-and-so’s song. Doesn’t that mean that I... what if people say I am trying to diss that singer? Don’t you know that in this industry, “if you look up you don’t meet, but if you look down you do”? If I get this wrong I might... I might search “non-mainstream” songs and end up finding the names of some of my friends. C: 烏梅子醬 (Dark Plum Sauce) LYN: Does this song have an accompaniment track? There isn’t. I can’t sing it. I wanted to, but since there’s no track I can’t. No helping it. // Actually, I think this IS. But why does it start from the chorus?? It really IS the instrumental track. -- 烏梅子醬 (Dark Plum Sauce) - /gets through a few lines... barely/ LYN: Let’s forget this one. This track doesn’t really work.

LYN: Wasn’t I here to chat with you, what am I doing singing? Anyway- let me rest a bit. What time is it? !! I’m not seeing wrong, am I? It’s 11:44pm. /sigh/  LYN: I said I would stream a little less today, but I didn’t think it would be this time already. Um... alright. C: Are you working tomorrow? LYN: Let me see what time I have to go out tomorrow. // 7a.

bgm: 霓虹甜心 (Neon Sweetheart)

LYN: Alright, today I’ll stream until 12a. LYN: Ok, let’s save some time (by not singing) and chat. Let me play some quieter music.

C: Ning-ge, I have 60 days left until the high school entrance exam, can you cheer me on? LYN: I can. I hope your exam goes well and you get into a high school you like. I wish you better and better. Jiayou.

C: You also have to get up at 7a tomorrow? LYN: We’re all the same. We all have to get up early.

C: When I think about having to go to school tomorrow I want to cry. LYN: ?_? What’s there to cry about. Tomorrow’s Wednesday. It’s only been two days since the week started and you want to cry? There’s still Thursday and Friday. Saturday and Sunday are okay, though. Being able to go to school is such a great thing. It’s the time when you are the most carefree. Cherish it while you can.

LYN: I see more people are trying to send signals. I can see all of your comments, but I won’t make a heart or a “V” for you. There are always people in my stream trying to send signals saying, “Ning-ge, if you can see this, make a heart.” I see all the comments. But there’s no way I can respond to each one. That’d be crazy. I wouldn’t be doing anything else, in that case.

C: If you’re shooting an outside scene for a guzhuang drama will you ever step on a snake? LYN: I have not encountered one as of yet. One of my fellow actors has, though. It’s normal, especially in the mountains. There are snakes. A few days ago my stand-in (light double) was bitten by a centipede. It was this big /gestures/, and it bit him. He went to stand in the tall grass and got bitten. It started feeling numb immediately so we sent him to the hospital. Thankfully it was not very venomous. C: “guang ti”? LYN: Oh, I said “stand-in (light double)” and you thought I meant “guang” as in “naked” (therefore: “naked body”)? No, it’s “guang” for “light” and not “naked”. // The kind you’re thinking of is not called a “guang ti” but a “luo ti” (body double). Those are two different things. C: Why do you need a double for light? LYN: We accidentally stepped into a sensitive topic, here. Every drama will have a staff called a “light double”. Let’s say the actors are shooting a scene, and we took 10 minutes to finish. Then, it’s time to switch the camera positions. When they’re switching the camera positions, the actors can rest for a bit. But the setting and light directors have to set the scene. So there needs to be someone there to stand in our spots. They use the standing position to check all the angles. When all the instruments are in the right place the actors will stand back in their positions and they will make minor adjustments and we can start. It helps to progress the filming schedule, a little. If the actors had to act the scene, then stand there and wait for setting to finish before the next one, I would probably tire to death standing the whole day. The double is there to stand in your spot in order to set the lighting. Usually they will find someone who is around the same height as the actor. - /continues talking about various stand-ins and doubles/ C: It must be hard to find someone the same height as you. LYN: It’s difficult to find a three-legged hippo. People, we can find. It’s not as if I’m some strange species, am I??

- /bickering with the fans over his pronunciation; topic of discussion: “wen ti” (body-double vs “kiss” double)/ LYN: Can you understand Standard Mandarin? Is mine really that bad?? How come I don’t believe it?! LYN: You must be doing this on purpose. How could I find a “kissing double”? I’m willing to- Zu’er must be crazy to agree, too! The opposite actor must be crazy. How could I? For example the two leads need to have an.. emotional interaction and in that moment I say, “Come here, kissing double. Kiss her for me!” No way! XD C: She can find one, too. LYN: Who does that? If that’s the case, what do you expect the viewers to watch for?? You want viewers to watch two strangers kissing? Why would they? They can see plenty of that on the street. Viewers don’t want to see two strangers kissing. They want to see the ML and FL. C: Does ZY have scenes like that? LYN: Not even a little. Not at all. Don’t anticipate it at all. There’s none of that. Stop asking. C: There are plenty of people in front of my dorm. LYN: You- ???? I said that there are a lot of people on the street, if you want to see it and someone replied that there’s plenty of that in front of their dorm. /laughs/ What are you telling me for?? Do you want me to go take a look, or what. Are you sharing with me? I don’t want to know that information, thanks. Are you so idle that you hang out in front of your dorm and watch? You don’t need to tell me! LYN: Let’s change the topic. C: There used to be a lot of that in front of my dorm too. LYN: Alright. That’s enough. OK, already. Let’s not talk about this. It’s enough. 

C: Ning-ge, can you tell me how to wake up early without hurting? LYN: ??? Where do you hurt when you wake up?? If your head hurts, you can get that checked out at a hospital. What do you mean by “wake up early without hurting”?  Does it hurt you to wake up early? Tell me where it hurts. C: My heart. (figuratively) LYN: If your heart hurts (literally) then you should get an angiogram to see if there are any problems with your heart. You have to be careful. Take care of yourself. C: My head. LYN: You must have slept too much, then! If you’re waking up early that means you slept too much. Sleep a little less and you’ll be fine.  C: When I wake up early my soul hurts. [?] LYN: I guess that when you sleep you don’t age, either? [??] When other people sleep they do it soundly, but you’re over here practicing wing chun? If you go a whole night practicing martial arts of course you’re going to hurt all over in the morning. Sleeping to you is like working out. That doesn’t work.  LYN: I think I can guess what this friend meant by “wake up early without hurting”- it’s just that waking up early puts them in a bad mood. I’m like that, too. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I think to myself, “What’s the point in living?? I’m here on this earth and I can’t even sleep. What is the meaning of life and in working?” I’m like that too. I’m sure everyone is. But once you’re up, you’re up. Even if that means that you have a bit of grumpiness in the morning. You;ll be fine after some time passes.

C: Do you check in for attendance in your own SuperTopic? LYN: What are you saying? You must be new. I’ve checked in to my SuperTopic for 1,000+ days, now. Consecutively.  LYN: I already spent so much money on supplement cards for my SuperTopic. My header description even says “Modern Brothers Weibo SuperTopic Big Fan”. Everyone else’s is “singer, actor”.  Mine is “Modern Brothers Weibo Supertopic Big Fan" [超话粉丝大咖 (摩登兄弟超话)]. I have a prestigious title.  LYN: I told you before, that anyone who checks in to my SuperTopic for more than 1,000 consecutive days can contact my studio and ask for a bottle of soybean oil.  C: Wasn’t it 500 days? LYN: Ehm... was it 500 days? Well, it’s already been 200 days since I set that price. Let’s raise it a little.  C: Ning-ge, I was almost at 500 days. How could you raise the prices?? LYN: That’s just the way a lot of things are. This society is like this, friends. I just want you to have a bit of a preview as to the cruelty of this society. When you go to work, they will put you on probation for two months. After those two months are over they might say they will think about it and put you on probation for an additional month. Anything is possible.  

bgm: 意气趁年少 (Youth at Will), A Female Student Arrives at the Imperial College OST

LYN: Happy New Year, friends. This year I wish... that anyone who is taking tests has a good result. Thank you for keeping me company and if you haven’t subscribed to my weibo yet, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. You can come hang out the next time I stream. Thanks for everyone who is in this stream and still watching- I was able to get a trending topic because of you. Thank you to everyone who participated in my stream tonight.  LYN: It’s about time, and I should go to sleep. I hope you had a relaxing and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I hope you enjoyed yourself. We’ll meet again in the next stream! Good night, everyone.

#Liu Yuning #lyn livestream #(2:38:20) #topics: #undo a button ning-ge #discussing wigs (and how he's worn the white one for ALL of the recent streams) #drama q&a #disney stream discussions #singing~~ #TtEotM OST (kazoobie ver.)

[hella1975]

Hi bestie can u pls explain why Georgia is ur number 1 taob zukka song

YES okay so a lot of this is a 'you'll have to wait and see' bc im not spoiling it so i might come back to this ask and reblog with a deeper analysis when taob gets to that point, but i can still do some surface level stuff just bc this song guts me. heads up though this is a taob zukka song less in a 'yay we're in love' way and more in a 'we are both so incredibly burdened by trauma but still trying to figure out love' way and a lot of the analysis is just the fucked way my brain latched onto this song the first time i applied it, so it might not make much sense.

Georgia, Georgia, I love your son When he gets older, he might be the one He might be the one Georgia, Georgia, he has beautiful bones And he never lies or picks up his phone

so people tend to have two interpretations of this: that georgia is the mother of who the singer is dating, or that the singer dated someone from the state of georgia. i usually lean into the former one but i also think the latter is important for reasons i'll explain later. for now, we're going to stick with the focus of someone looking to a parent and going 'i love your son'. before anything, long before zukka, taob was a story about zuko and the water tribe, zuko and hakoda, so ive just always loved this song for them because it feels like it's paying homage to that. the first verse is very soft, like going to a parent to ask for their son's hand, except it's also knowing in the way they're revealing exactly how they feel about the son, that they find him beautiful and think he might be the one, that he's honest etc. the kind of intimacy you dont often see between a parent and the person their son is in love with, at least not at the beginning. but zuko and hakoda have that kind of trust, even if zuko wouldn't be so bold about it.

And sometimes, in the pouring rain He'll fall in the mud and get back up again

CH39 RAIN SCENE! fun fact this specific lyric was one of the reasons the rain scene happened. i knew i wanted it for a while but when figuring out how to do it this lyric really solidified it in my mind bc at that point id already really connected this song to zukka and wanted to be able to apply it in as many ways as possible LMAO. i think 'he'll fall in the mud and get back up again' doesn't need to be literal either, and can refer to how sokka completely blanked when zuko said all that stuff to him and we had our first Proper Zukka Moment, just for sokka in ch40 to get back up again and immediately starting denying it all lol. HOWEVER this lyric can also show a pov change in this song, going to sokka's pov. the rain scene was a metaphor for a fresh beginning, a cleansing of all the bad so that zuko might try again, blood washed away. sokka is just staring at him in awe in this scene, and he acknowledges that no matter what setback zuko has, he'll get right back up. sokka talking about zuko's grit is a real theme in his povs, so this fits really well.

And if you find me Will you know me? Will you take me Or will you fall?

now staying with the sokka pov, 'if you find me' = the fact zuko hunted them! the fact sokka was the one to find zuko above the western air temple and bring him to everyone! 'will you take me or will you fall?' is the choice between prince zuko and just zuko, will he keep fighting them or will he fall for them? it's all these questions running through sokka's mind when he sees zuko again in the reunion chapter and he's so so certain he knows the answer, but zuko surprises him.

okay im gonna leave the rest of the song for now but know i have Plans

#i also think a lot of my obsession with taob zukka x georgia is the general vibe of the song #like the vocals the music itself the beat the pace etc etc #which i cannot explain it's either you get it or you dont #but yeah! them #ask #taob asks #phoebe bridgers

[spacedykez]

hello! its paper. been a while hasnt it? i keep meaning to send an ask just to say "hi! im still here!" but i keep forgetting. so i figured id send one now! i do have a sort of question tho. i havent been too aware of your recent interests but the newest one, team starkid i think it is, does seem cool. theyre like musicals right? so im asking if theres like a specific one i should start with first or if i can just go to whatever basically. bonus points for summaries of the plots :]

PAPER ANONNNN ITS BEEN SO LONG ITS NICE TO SEE U AGAIN!!!!!!! hope ur well!!! u caught me at the perfect time actually i am in the exact mood to activate Infodump Attack

SO !! team starkid !! they r a group who writes & performs original musicals. these range from parodies like Twisted (Aladdin, but from Jafar's POV) to the thing theyre most known for- the Hatchetfield universe

Hatchetfield is the name of a town on a fictional island in Lake Michigan in which this series/these musicals take place. Within the Hatchetfield universe there is TGWDLM, Black Friday, and Nightmare Time. Everything in the Hatchetfield universe is best described as horror comedy, and it does get quite dark at times.

TGWDLM (which stands for The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals) is where I would recommend you start. It's the easiest for a new Starkid viewer to understand, is almost entirely self-contained (bonus lore from other content is FUN but not at all NEEDED or important to understanding anything). It tells the story of Paul, the titular Guy Who Doesn't Like Musicals, and what happens to him when a meteor crashes into Hatchetfield and causes everyone to start singing and dancing! I would honestly recommend it anyways just because it's a really fun watch regardless. Warnings: guns, character death, [fake] blood & guts, body horror, mind control. Also, a song near the beginning has very explicit (sexual) lyrics.

Black Friday is best viewed as a sequel to TGWDLM. It gets a little more into the lore and sets up more of the overarching world. I honestly like Black Friday better than TGWDLM, but it is also even darker & more lore-heavy. Also it can be confusing on your first watch. It follows various citizens trying to buy a new toy called a Wiggly for Christmas, and the subsequent events that causes. Warnings: death, [fake] blood (not a ton! Less than TGWDLM), what could easily be seen as mob mentalities/near mind control, guns, what could be seen as stalking/hunting people.

Nightmare Time is best seen as a series of podcasts/seperate "episodes." You can listen to just the audio if you want, you won't miss anything important (although the actors are AMAZING so I would definitely say watching it is worth it). There are two seasons, which have 3-4 episodes each. They elaborate a LOT on the lore/world of Hatchetfield. If you need individual tws, they should be in the video descs. I will warn you the Hatchetfield series is very dark. I love it and it is a LOT of fun though! Latte Hatte is the #4 cause of my homosexuality (/silly). also nb rep that i as a nb person very much enjoy!! also more of lauren lopez being iconic. also a KILLER theme song.

Also recommended outside of Hatchetfield are Trail to Oregon & Firebringer. I personally don't love the amount of toilet humor in Trail to Oregon, but it's still a fun musical and the acting is phenomenal as always. Firebringer has iconic songs, a HILARIOUS narrator character, leabians, and Lauren Lopez as the lead. there is literally nothing more you could ask for. it's perfect. Gods I love Lauren Lopez she's so iconic.

#team starkid #starkid posting #asks #paper anon

[antiv3nom]

yuuta for the ask game

this is awesome i also havent talked about yuuta in a while omg :D

favorite thing about them:

ive said it before. ill say it again. if you give me a plot about a character learning that they deserve to live im gonna love it. please and thank you. and with yuuta it goes SO FUCKING HARD...honestly also his continued devotion to rika is genuinely like really fun, he loves his monster wife as he fucking should

i also think that his cursed technique is really really cool and kinda wish we could see more of it!!! OH ALSO I FORGOR THAT WE SAW HIS DOMAIN EXPANSION RECENTLY ACTUALLY THAT DID GO REALLY HARD

i havent been keeping up super actively with jjk but i think this is understandable

least favorite thing about them:

idk if ive thought deeply enough about yuuta in a while to really have a least favorite thing about him? and like anything i say about how yuuta is currently present in the series is sort of colored by. yk. the way the manga is right now. which all in all is not. my favorite. anyways if i think of anything else maybe ill rb this with an addition lol

favorite line:

relating to the first question actually:

I want the confidence to feel like it's ok to live.

IT HIT SO HARD THE FIRST TIME AND IT HITS SO HARD EVERY TIME!!!!!! i remember tearing up the first time i went to go see jjk0 in theaters at this scene like. it was so good

brOTP:

I LOVE PLATONIC YUUTA AND MAKI!!! honestly i really love yuuta's interactions with the second years as a whole but these two have some really really great moments (first mission, fighting geto, etc)

OTP:

now yall know im an inuokko enjoyer!!! this has not changed!!! and again it needs very little elaboration ive already said a ton on this topic but yuuta being one of the closest people to toge and being able to honestly very quickly see that he's a very caring person is really fun to me :D

also like. i bring this up all the time but the fact that the one non-cursed non-rice ball word we've seen toge say is yuuta's name? like yeah. points. gay people.

nOTP:

id like to say again that im like. not avidly against anything here? like im not a big romantic yuutamaki enjoyer bc i more enjoy their relationship from a platonic lens but no shade to anyone who does like romantic yuutamaki! thats fair as fuck!

only other thing that comes to mind is yuuta and megumi but again thats very much a person opinion and i can see the appeal but its just not for me 👍

random headcanon:

yuuta was is not a morning person for most of his life and almost became one by necessity what with everything at tokyo jujutsu high, but did genuinely grow over time to enjoy waking up early because he likes the quiet he gets in the morning when no one else is awake and moving around

unpopular opinion:

genuinely dont think i can do this one this time around because i dont know what the popular opinions on yuuta are anymore LMAO

song i associate with them:

ame to petra by balloon/keina suda. hands down. everyone go listen to the original or eve's cover of that song and read the english lyrics RIGHT NOW. REALLY GOOD SONG.

favorite picture of them:

ngl i miss gege's old style a bit, look at them...

AND ALSO AT THE END OF S2 THEY DID HIM JUSTICE HERE

^ face of a guy who just obliterated a curse. hes so real for this

#ask #ask game #nanamicide #dont feel like main tagging this today tbh

[whatagirlwants]

I’m not trying to be confrontational and I know you want to talk about other things, but why is it vicious that he might have feelings for Olivia again? He was very mad at her for a while but then potentially being on okay terms and him catching feelings again doesn’t seem evil. Is it because you think he’s using her for clout and that these aren’t genuine feelings? Or because him having these feelings proves that he was still into her when he was with Sabrina?

no its okay u can ask if u have questions about this topic.

vicious in a sense why sabrina finds him vicious? its more than just him suddenly having feelings for olivia. i mean she sings about it: its the way he left her and the way things went down between them, the back and forth with him. he cant makeup his mind. i think theres layers to it and especially with those 2 things were complex for months even after they “brokeup”

tbh just my opinion from all this; i think s feels used cause he jumped from that relationship to having a relationship with her and then when shit hit the fan he couldnt take it and left.

i do think in some way he’s using o for attention. its no secret his tiktok comments are all jolivias any song he would post they’d always assume its for her. so in a way when he’s posting his lyrics now there or does things where it links him to O so it does mean its also for attention even if his feelings are genuine.

and we’ve seen S question him and his feelings for her in lonesome.

but yeah thats just how i see things idk id be pissed too. the guy brokeup with olivia the first time so fast so he could shoot his shot with sabrina… he wanted something from her then even if he was doing it unintentionally and actually liked her. but you dont just change your mind and leave and suddenly have confused feelings.

id be pissed too. id be like damn that guy cant make up his mind. S in lonesome she expresses feeling used like just an opportunity for him. he wanted a collab. she was more established. she has connections. she has recourses…etc

your question is a little off cause im not the one to call him vicious but i get why she felt that way or describe him as that in the song. and it was so many things in the song that she listed that made her call him vicious. the only thing she had to say about him and O is “when you’re insecure could be me could be her”. Sabrina’s hurt i think she feels like she wasted her time and its clear she never had answers thats what decode is about. theres no reason to understand things or try to fix things or understand why he left she just had to walk away too.

anyways back to ur question.. why do i find tha vicious? i just find that weird. he clearly has issues that he should’ve dealt with since 2020 instead he lead 2 girls on and had her wasting her time.

but oh well the musics good at least. it does feel like shes moved on but i dont think theres anything wrong with vicious. like i said if we just look at the situation the way it is and then listen to vicious like she has a right to be pissed off when she was and write it. cause that’s literally what happened.

[petewentzisblack1312]

do you have any particular fob lyrics that you think about a lot or find comforting? i realized the other day there's some specific lyrics ill say to myself when i'm stressed or that are just on my mind 24/7 for no apparent reason other than they just sound good kjfdgnk.. also i really love ur blog's theme it looks so cool!!

this is such a hard question to answer because theres SOOO many fob lyrics that just have me *lies face down in the dark* but heres a list of some!

i left my conscience pressed/between the pages of the bible in the drawer/'what did it ever do for me' i say - XO. i have religious trauma, and i LOVE the way religion is treated in fall out boy songs. you will see a lot of that on this list.

i got your love letters/corrected the grammar/and sent them back/its true, romance is dead/i shot it in the chest and in the head - The Music or The Misery. this is just some good fuckin wordplay

ive already given up on myself twice/third times the charm/threw caution to the wind/but ive got a lousy arm - GINASFS. again with the wordplay

i love you in the same way theres a chapel in a hospital - Hum Hallelujah. again with the spiting god

some day the valleys gonna swallow me whole/i feel like a photo thats been over exposed - Novocaine. *crying* oreo gang rise up

the lion pulls his own teeth out/so you can love him now - Demigods. this just hits

the headline reads 'the man hangs'/but the jury doesnt - "You're Crashing, But You're No Wave". "hang on lemme google something real quick. … yeah this is clever"

get busy living or get busy dying has lyrics that got me fucked up. 'if you are the shore i am the waves begging for big moons' 'im mailing letters to addresses in a ghost town' the energy... love her

the first verse of XO is an example of amazing wordplay that i hold dear. 'i comb the crowd and pick you out. your mouth moves too fast for me to figure it out. it starts eyes closed, to fingers crossed, to "i swear," i say. to hands between legs to "whatever it takes" to drinks at the club to the bar to the keys to your car to the hotel stairs to the emergency exit door, to the "love"' its such a good example of using language to paint a mood. i love the use of alliteration and repitition.

the foxes hunt the hounds - Young Volcanoes. this line makes the whole song for me.

im stuck in the sunshine riptide/dancing all alone in the morning light/the sunshine riptide/you came back like a wave when i was feeling alright - Sunshine Riptide. this is the best metaphor for a manic episode ive ever heard, and it recontextualizes so much of the album. i feel like the muse on mania is vague, so that it could be a person, but this song kind of indicates that actually, the love-hate relationship and back and forth of the whole album has been with the personas mania all along. as someone with bipolar disorder, this hits.

theres probably so many more. i gotta stop lol

#dils declares #< analysis tag fuck yeah #if you asked me this question again right now id have more lyrics #dils dissects

[duskamethyst]

after party. (ft. keigo)

a/n: at this point i hope someone reads and enjoys it (i dont have any influence in this app lol). this is my longest fic yet.

word count: 6k

genre: quirkless AU, nsfw, smut, angst

warnings: fucked up– noncon/dubcon, tw physical abuse, tw emotional abuse, possessiveness, abusive relationships, cheating, intoxication (voluntarily), slight suicidal thoughts, yandere behavior

the behavior displayed by dabi is not love. no one deserves to be treated like shit in a relationship. if you are being abused, please find help.

pairing: dabi x f!reader (x keigo)

summary: keigo takes a liking on you but what does your ex boyfriend, dabi has to do say about it?

you walk out of the uber in your tight little dress with your friend and line in front of the club before the bouncers can check your IDs. your friend was the one who initiated the idea to go party since she had a rough day at work today and you would do anything to make her feel better so you agreed. besides, you were convinced that you were also in need of plenty of doses of serotonin and you haven’t gotten stupidly drunk for a while.

the echoes of the music that you heard from outside has become much louder and clearer as you walk inside the room. a throng of people are already wildly grinding against each other on the dance floor, some are making out and some just watch by their table, sipping on their expensive alcohol. your friend grabs you over by the bar to buy you some drink. one glass quickly turns to two, to three, four and five. you’ve finally reached your high and your body itches to join the crowd so you pull your friend towards the floor and squeeze in between bodies before you start to sway the night away – oblivious to the prying eyes that have been staring at you from one of the vip tables. 

you’re mouthing the lyrics as you shake your hips voluptuously with your hands snaking up and down from your hair to your body in a sultry manner, slightly aware of some of the males’ gazes around you but none even dare to make a move. you love how you manage to make their heads turn towards you while you’re doing the least and now you’re just drowning in euphoria and confidence. you know you’re stunning and you made damn sure that the dress you chose for tonight would show off your curves at the right places, not forgetting the hem barely covering your ass. you know you’re a fucking tease to those idiots.  

a pair of arms suddenly wraps around your waist and pulls you back, enveloping you into a warm and muscular hold – but loose enough for you to continue dancing. you turn your head back to the person and he raises his eyebrows invitingly as he locks his golden eyes with yours with a devilish smirk that graces his lips and instantly makes your heart leap. 

you feel like you’ve hit the jackpot. 

you keep on dancing and he slowly follows you from the back. when you boldly tease him by grinding your ass on his mid hard on, you can feel the grip on your hips hardens. with a proud smug tugging on your lips, you confidently turn your head to see him watching you down with his lip already between his teeth. you both know very well the effect you have on him right now.

“if you’re gonna do that, why don’t you come to my table?” he says loud enough in your ear to suppress the banging music. 

you pretend to think a little, though you know you can’t (and don’t want to)  turn down his offer – not when he’s this attractive because usually you’d easily reject any sleazy and scrawny guys without a second thought whenever they invite you for a drink with them. “i don’t know... should i?” you start to flirt.

“you like being a tease?” his hot breath lingers around your ear as he chuckles, sending a tingling sensation down to your core. “well, you’re damn good at it. come on.” 

from the look in your eyes, he already knows your game. he doesn’t give you a moment to answer and only smiles before pulling your hand as he walks you through the crowd. the fact that he is tall and built easily causes people to step away from him, making him look like moses parting the sea. you look around as you follow the man and spot your friend who is long forgotten, dancing with a random guy and giving you a thumbs up before shooing you away, most likely to tell you to just go with him.

by the time you reach his table, another guy that you assume as his friend is already seated and making out with a girl leaning next to him. you don’t have a clue of who they are and the dim lights aren’t really helping so you choose just to ignore it. 

“come here, baby.” the blonde pats on his lap as he sits down on the opposite side of the table, directly in front of his friend. there’s something about him that is mesmerizing as a whole and certainly, this man can easily get anyone that he wants. though you initially wanted to play hard to get, you find yourself to obey him, already straddling his laps as asked. you face him, wanting to give yourself a much clearer view of his features. his brows are thick and his lids are a little hooded, not sure if it’s from the alcohol or it’s naturally like that and he has some stubble on his chin. his eyes are dark – is he wearing eyeliner? but his golden irises make them bright at the same time. he’s too handsome for his own good and you’re pretty sure he knows it well. 

“such a pretty little thing.” he mumbles as his hand caresses your cheek and you’re hoping he doesn’t notice how your skin warms up to his touch.

you move your hips closer to his, your core grinding tauntingly through the fabric close to his groin. he rests his hands low on your back – too low and guides your hips as you continue to grind and roll against him, all while maintaining eye contact with you. 

“keigo. you can say it.” he suddenly says as he notices how you bite your lip from escaping any shameful noises as he bucks his hips closer to your needy cunt. you blankly stare at him before realizing that he just told you his name, most probably hear you to moan out. embarrassed, you lean and hide your face on the crook of his nape, involuntarily sniffing his cologne as you inhale. fuck, he also smells amazing. 

he laughs, “thought you were cheeky, but you’re also shy, huh?” 

the fact that he knows that he has the power of making you feel flustered gets on your nerves. as a retaliation, you bite the soft skin on his neck and successfully feel his body tenses up a little as a response. you grin victoriously against his skin and decide to deliberately try to get more reaction from him as you begin to suck and nibble on the same spot and it’s already making him shudder.

“already marking me, babe?” keigo looks at you as you pull away. “i’ll be sure to put ‘rough’ on the list then.” he grabs and squeezes your ass before pulling you into a hungry kiss, taking you off guard but you’re more than happy to return. you can feel that your dress is moving up almost revealing half of your ass from the way he keeps on clutching it along with the fabric and his friend can probably see a bit of your panties but you couldn’t care less, not when you feel so needy right now.

“get a room.” a deep voice from the other side suddenly interrupts.

keigo pulls away and glares at his friend past your shoulder. the remark alone suddenly makes you feel bad and ashamed so you think it’s best if you don’t turn around, no matter how much you want to tell him to piss off-- but he also probably paid for the table so you have no place to say that at all. 

“shut up, dabi.” 

dabi?

sure, you’re tipsy but you’re sober enough (and not deaf) to clearly hear what keigo said and it’s a name that you never want to come across again, let alone the person himself. you don’t want to be reminded of the person that hurt you so many times before. the person who threw out a year long relationship for his own desires and constantly making you feel bad about yourself, like you’re not enough and blamed you for the reason of why he cheated on you. the thoughts and memories of him haunted you for so long and you were grateful when you finally managed to get over it but now... guess you thought wrong.

the feeling of embarrassment you had is replaced by fear. you don’t have to see it but you know that dabi is wearing that ugly smirk when he sees how your body freezes and quick to pull down your dress properly. in a second, your brilliant portrayal of femme fatale suddenly vanishes into thin air. the bass from the music suddenly feels so loud and it makes your head dizzy. god, it’s all too awful. keigo notices your uneasiness that his jackass friend caused and he immediately pulls you into a hug. he apologizes to you but you can only manage a meek nod of your head. 

“let’s go somewhere else.” he comforts you before you get off his lap and stand up with him to leave. your head is hanging low, staring at nothing but the floor. you can’t comprehend what you’re feeling right now. is it embarrassment? horror? anger? are you being set up? you can’t bring yourself to look at dabi in the eyes and you don’t want to be in his presence any longer. you’re already wishing for the ground to swallow you whole. you just want to leave. somewhere. anywhere. 

“leaving already? don’t want to introduce me to your friend?” keigo stops in his tracks before turning around to his friend with an eye roll. you, on the other hand, aren’t sure whether the question is directed at you or keigo but you can feel that dabi is intensely burning holes through you and it makes you want to puke. 

keigo wraps his arm around your shoulder and pulls you closer, “sorry. i don’t think she wants to know you, dude.” he sneers and walks away with you before dabi gets the chance to say anything. the last thing keigo wants is a fight with his friend right now. he’s the worst when he’s drunk, after all. 

“i’m sorry about my friend,” keigo apologizes again as he leads you to his car and opens the passenger’s door for you before walking around it and getting in the driver’s seat. “but that’s dabi for you. annoying fella.” he laughs and starts the engine. 

“it’s fine.” it isn’t – but you force a smile and you don’t want him to think that you’re weird-- you have to keep up and act normal. keigo sighs in relief and puts his hand on your thigh, rubbing it gently as he drives the whole way. from your understanding and the way he talks about him, keigo probably doesn’t know that you and dabi used to be a thing and you don’t plan on telling him much about your life either. it’s not a surprise since dabi was the one that wanted the relationship to be discreet – or in his book it’s called “lowkey” or “private”. it felt like he was hiding you from a part of his world.

thus, he barely (or most likely never, if he didn’t hold your hand on dates) showed you off and you had never met his family and friends. you were so in love with him so you tolerated, but the moment you started to bother him by asking why (or when you asked him to post your pictures together on his stories at least), he’d lose his shit. he said that he was not into those kind of stuffs and he hated and cringed when people showed off their partners excessively, so putting himself on the same level as them was the last thing he wanted-- until you found out the real reason: he was fucking around behind your back. 

and it didn’t happen once. it was hard but you forgave him the first time when he apologized. he said he was so sorry, he’d change and he couldn’t live without you, all those things you wanted to hear. you knew you had and wanted to give him a chance. you loved him but trust wasn’t something that was easy to build and you were always wary of him a couple of months after that. he found it ridiculous when you tried to check his phone so much, said that you were overreacting and it often broke into a fight. deep inside, you knew he was doing it again. you’d yell at each other and one of you would end up bruised after. later he’d say he was sorry for what he did, make up with hot sex, whisper sweet nothings to you and you would forgive him again – and the cycle repeated itself. in the end, there was never a proper closure but the day he took away all his belongings from your place, you both knew it was already over and none of you ever said anything since then. it was devastating but so liberating.

right now, you’re not sure where keigo is taking you and you don’t care because you’re just glad that you and him didn’t have to deal with your ex for too long back there. keigo tries to crack some jokes as he drives and keeps on recommending to you the songs that he currently likes by playing it on the radio. your mood lifts up gradually as you hear him sing and the thought of dabi slowly becomes a blur.

he brings you to his house (or mansion, by the size of it) and offers you a drink. he’s regretful that he couldn’t buy you a drink earlier since he ended up just making out with you before the whole dabi fiasco happened. so he brings out one of his expensive liquors for both of you before nuzzling on his sofa. after a light hearted conversation and a few sips of the alcohol, you’re quick to get drunk and giddy again. keigo softly caresses his hand up and down your thigh as you mumble nonsense but the lack of response from the male makes you turn your head to him and he’s already staring at you. it’s quiet for a few moments before both of your reddened faces inch closer and you impatiently crash your lips onto his. he hums into the kiss while his hands rub gently on your sides.

“not here.” he bites your lower lip and picks you up bridal style. you giggle as he brings you upstairs to his room before throwing you on his bed. keigo gets on top of you and kisses you hungrily, only pulling away to take off his shirt to reveal his toned body and goes back to kiss you again. his hands roam greedily all over your body as if you’ll be gone if he lets go before slipping one of his hands under your dress, feeling the wet pool already formed against the thin fabric. 

“oh?” he smirks, rubbing your wet slits with his fingers and watches you as you squirm under him. keigo immediately leans down between your legs and licks a wet strip through your panties. “i wanted to give payback for what you did, but i can’t wait anymore.” 

keigo pulls your panties to the side and starts to lap off your juices like a starved man, the aftertaste of the liquor he had earlier replaced by your flavor. your legs begin to tremble as his tongue expertly licks your clit and through your folds. keigo watches you between your thighs, your mouth gaping as you chant his name repetitively like a prayer while your hands clench on his soft pillow. 

“cum on my face, baby.” he soothes his erection against the mattress, grinding through the sheets as he focuses on making you orgasm. 

“oh, fuck – keigo!” you squeal as he slides in two fingers inside your sloppy cunt and the lewd sloshing sounds do nothing but make you and keigo even more aroused. you press your thighs together as you feel the coil inside you tighten up but his free hand pushes them apart from crushing his head. with a suck on the clit, he eventually pushes you over the edge and he grins proudly as you cum. he licks your juices off and hovers back up to you and kisses you again, making you taste yourself. 

“you taste so fucking good,” he whispers as he pulls the straps of your dress down to reveal your breasts before getting up to his knees to take off your panties and anything he has left, freeing his hard cock. “i’m gonna leave you with that on because you look so –” he smacks your thigh, “fucking hot in it. pretty sure you thought hard about wearing that dress.” he chuckles.

“happy to know it’s doing its job.” you giggle as you eagerly spread your legs again before him. god, alcohol really makes you forget every ounce of shame you’re supposed to have, doesn’t it? 

keigo gives his cock a few pumps with his hand before he leans forward to slide inside your soppy cunt and he hisses as the warmth engulfs him while you feel every vein against your tight walls. he slowly starts to move his hips when he hears you moan his name again before building up the pace. you wrap your legs around his waist and he leans closer to you, enabling you to hold him while he fucks harder. 

“fuck,” he groans. “you feel so good.” 

your nails are clawing his bare back, making him want to thrust into you faster. the quiet room now filled with moans, squelching sounds and skins slapping against each other. keigo nibbles on your neck while his hand reaches down to press and circle your neglected clit, quickly causing you to reach your climax.

“wanna cum!” you cry, the aftermath of your previous orgasm making you sensitive even more. 

“yeah? baby wants to cum on my cock?” 

“please, please, keigo!” you beg as your toe curls and the legs you have wrapped around him pushes him down and deeper into you. you can feel your walls tightening as he thrusts harder through the spongy walls and with a couple more circles on your clit, your eyes roll back as you come undone. keigo continues to fuck you and you can feel that he’s close by the way his cock twitches inside you before he shoots ropes of thick cum inside you. 

the both of you are left in a daze as you pant and keigo slowly pulls out his cock before laying next to you and pulls you close into his warm embrace. 

“you did so great, baby. oh, god.” he says between breaths as he caresses your hair and kisses your head. the silent ambience and the fact that the both of you are dead tired from the whole night eventually causes the both of you to fall asleep in each others’ arms instantly. 

you wake up suddenly and see that it’s still dark outside. you can only assume that it’s currently four to five in the morning and you turn to your side to see keigo is still sleeping peacefully next to you. you know it’s best to not stay around any longer, you’re not looking for a relationship though it’s a shame because telling by the way he treated you, this man is just amazing.

then again, you only know his name. worse, he’s a friend of your ex boyfriend and that’s just kind of fucked up in a lot of ways.

quietly getting off his bed, you put back on your panties and carefully open the door before walking back downstairs. the place is so huge but you manage to find your handbag from the sofa earlier and head straight outside before you can call the uber back to your apartment. surely you hope keigo doesn’t mind that you’re leaving him so suddenly. heck, you might even be doing him a favor. he was nice and thoughtful to you throughout the night but it’s really hard to put someone that’s been around dabi in your good graces now.

the elevator stops on your floor and you walk through the same, familiar hall while rummaging through your handbag to look for your keys through the receipts that you always reminded yourself to but forgot to throw out from your bag. the minute you lift up your head to watch where you’re going, you stop in your tracks as you see a man leaning against your door. a man that you thought you’re not going to see so soon and now you’re thinking that staying with keigo until the morning probably was the best idea. 

but it’s too late for that. he already notices you.

you can feel your blood boiling and your hands clenching into a fist. he’s wearing that stupid smirk that you’ve always used to adore – the same one that made you swoon once but now it only makes you want to punch him hard and break a tooth or two – if only you’re brave enough.

“the fuck you’re doing here?” you snarl at him with every ounce of bravery you still have inside you. you’re grateful that you don’t sound as meek as you expected to but seeing you like this amuses him even more. he had always liked it when you were all riled up until he thought that it was annoying and ‘had’ to get physical to shut you up.

dabi whistles, “mm, feisty.” 

you roll your eyes and ignore him as he steps away for you to open your door. you try to remain calm and stop your hand from shaking as you insert and twist the key through the keyhole so he won’t even get the hint that you’re shitting inside your pants right now. you quickly get inside your house once it’s unlocked and instantly push the door close, but to only have his foot to stop it from closing. you begin to panic and try to push the door harder while he tries to push the door back from the other side. 

“let me in.” he slurs as he leans down to meet you on eye level. the azure eyes that used to be captivating and mesmerizing are now dark and horrifying-- like when he used to look down at you condescendingly while your body was trembling on the floor.

“no! dabi! you’re drunk!” you scream as tears begin to prickle your eyes.

“don’t be like that. come on, i just wanna talk.” he says calmly with a smile, in an attempt to calm you down, though the smile doesn’t really reach his eyes and only scares you even more. you’re certain that he can see fear running through your eyes.

“fuck off!” you push the door with all the strength you have left. you’re not naive, you know that dabi is far stronger than you and you can only hope for a miracle to happen right now – for someone up there to suddenly grant you superhuman strength so you could shove the door right in his face or to just make dabi give up from pursuing you.

but you can only hope. there’s no such thing as super powers and you know damn well your ex boyfriend is not the type to easily give up on the things he wants. 

“let. me. in.” he threatens under his breath. “you don’t want to make me angry.” 

a wave of bitter flashbacks creeps into your mind again, as if seeing his face isn’t enough to remind you of the past you desperately want to forget. you feel your body tremble and grow weaker as you look at the monster outside your door again and when he feels the force from your side drops, dabi takes the opportunity to easily push back the door and invites himself in and makes sure to lock the door before turning to you.

your shaky legs weren’t enough to support you and caused you to tumble back when the door swung open. you look down to the floor as you shake and sob while dabi walks slowly towards you before kneeling down in front of you.

“baby, look at me.” he coos. 

your body stays frozen in place, your head suddenly weighs too heavy to lift itself up. you’re a sobbing mess and you don’t want him to see that. judging from the experience you’ve had with him, you know it’s wise to not make him repeat things twice so you slowly force yourself to look up at him to see his blue eyes already taunting you. dabi shushes you as you cry even harder when you face him and he gently strokes your hair to soothe you. his touch is far from comforting and it’s nothing like how keigo played with your hair earlier. 

“you missed me that much?” he chuckles as he wipes away your tears with his calloused thumbs. you’re too afraid, you can’t even muster any reaction no matter how much you want to, you can only weep in his hold. 

“i know i was happy when i saw you,” his lips curl into a grin before it swiftly turns into an unpleasant scowl as he replays the scene inside his head. “until you decided to whore out for my friend. right. in. my. fucking. face.”  

you quickly shake your head to deny his accusation. well, it’s true that he’s friends with keigo but how could you have known? you couldn’t even see him when a girl was literally sucking off his face when you came up to their table! let alone the fact he never introduced you to his friends while you were together!

“n-no– i didn’t know–��� 

an abrupt loud pang echoes throughout the room. it was so quick but now, somehow, you suddenly feel a stinging pain on your cheek. your eyes widen as your palm reaches for the burn on your skin, as if to reaffirm yourself that yes, you just got slapped by dabi. again.

“you don’t get to talk back.” he scoffs as he looks at you in irritation. 

your fear turns to anger and it suddenly gives you courage to defend yourself. you start to wail again and push his body away from you, to make an effort for him to walk out the door – to go away. you keep on pushing his chest and his hands whenever he tries to grab a hold of you. you’re aware that you look and sound hysteric but you just want him out. out of your house, out of your life forever. 

of course, it’s a pathetic display to dabi. he went through this with you before, you’d never win against him and it would never make the slightest change. he’s two times your size, a little push won’t budge him. it only annoys him more. 

dabi easily grabs your wrists with one of his hands while his other free hand grabs you by the hair from the back of your head, yanking your head to tilt upwards. understanding that this is your utter defeat, you can only manage to sob helplessly again. 

“you didn’t know?” he growls. “you did it just to spite me, didn’t you?” 

you try to shake your head no, but the stinging pain from your scalp won’t allow you. 

“did you fuck him?” 

you don’t answer, not even a nod or a shake of your head as you only continue crying. 

“did you,” he clutches harder and causes you to wail louder, “or did you not?” 

you’re convinced anyone can hear you through the wall but what are the chances for your neighbors to actually want to get involved this early in the morning? especially when they’re the type to only mind their own business.

“fuck. you did.” he sees the distinctive bruise on your neck and finally pushes you free from his grasps – as if the sight of it makes him feel disgusted that another man had already fucked you. but it’s okay! he can turn that around and make it right. “you’re gonna make up for me, yeah?” 

you swallow hard as you look at him, unsure if you can speak so you carefully manage a timid whisper, “wh-what do you mean?” 

dabi's lips tug into a smirk. he’s glad you asked. 

“i’m gonna fuck you and you’re gonna take it. i’m gonna make you forget about that asshole.” 

you shake your head no and start to crawl away but dabi is quick to grab and pull you back to him. if you had a book about yourself, he already finished reading it. he knows you like the back of his hand by now and you both know that.

dabi positions you on your knees, cheek rests on the hard, wooden floor so you can directly stare at the wall and pushes your back down into a desirable arch that gives the best view of your ass for him. when you try to wriggle out from his rough grasps on your hips, he gives a hard slap on your ass.

“doll, it won’t hurt if you behave.” he chuckles darkly as he pulls his pants along with his briefs down to his knees before pushing the hem of your dress up to your waist, revealing the panties that were peeking in front of him earlier.

“dabi, please. don’t do this.” you glance back towards him pleadingly but he only snickers in amusement.

“shh, i’ll be gentle this time.” he takes off the flimsy fabric down to your knees before rubbing your clit in circles with his thumb and he continues doing so until he feels a wet slick slowly starting to drool from your cunt. with a stroke of his tongue, he laps off your juices and hums at the taste that fills his buds. oh how he missed it, how he always adored how you tasted in his mouth. 

you bite your lip to suppress any whimpers when his warm tongue glides on your throbbing clit ravenously. it shouldn’t feel good, but it does. you keep reminding how much you hate him and the millions of reasons why but god, he’s so good, it’s leaving your mind in a haze. he still remembers where and how to make you ache for him. unlike him with other girls, he memorized every inch of your body because you’re just that special to him.

dabi glances at you to see how your brows are already knitted together as you close your eyes shut and your lips pressing into a thin line to try not to entertain him with any sort of reaction. it’s so endearing. 

dabi pulls away and slaps your ass, “you like that, doll?” 

you keep quiet and refuse to look at him but he is quick to draw your attention to him as he rubs the tip of his cock along your sloppy folds, coating his cock with your slick and nudges on your clit with his tip while your body trembles underneath him. he spits on your cunt before he presses the tip of his cock in, causing you to gasp at his thick girth. 

“so fucking –” he grunts as he pushes inside through your walls, “tight.” 

you whimper as you feel him stretch you out but once you quickly get used to it, you subconsciously buck your hips closer to him to take him more. dabi chuckles in amusement when he sees how you easily give in and stroke his ego by submitting yourself to him. he knows he could never be replaced. he knows how your tight cunt still remembers how his cock felt inside you.

he groans in deeply as he starts to thrust his cock in and out of you before picking up into a much brutal pace and your nails start to claw and dig the plain floor, “t-too much, dabi!” 

your cries fall into deaf ears as he drowns himself into his own pleasure while you try your best to take him in until you’re quick to acclimatize to his rhythm and you start to mindlessly slip out moans after moans from your lips in a sinful chant. 

dabi smirks arrogantly as he watches you becoming a mess for him and he leans down closer, causing the tip of his cock to hit your cervix each time he rams inside. “bet he didn’t fuck you this good, hmm? bet you were– fuck– thinking of my cock instead.” 

your mind is hazy as you’re succumbed into your carnal desire, already fucked dumb by his thick cock to even build coherent sentences so a few single ‘yes’ are the only thing you can manage to say. 

“you’re clamping down on me baby,” he laughs. “gonna cum in this tight cunt, yeah?” 

his words send a jolt of electricity down to your core and your breath begins to hitch as you’re able to feel your third orgasm for the night begin to wash over your body. dabi realizes this as he feels your body shaking under him and your walls contracting around his cock. he takes this chance to slow down his pace so he can hear you beg for him. he wants to be reminded that only he can make you feel this good. not his friend keigo, no one. 

“w-wanna cum!” you whine in desperation as your hips buck to meet his thrusts. 

“yeah? say my name.” he taunts. to be calling for his name in a situation like this is humiliating enough and he lives for this moment. he loves how he’s able to turn you into a dumb, drooling mess for his cock and itching for a release.

“d-dabi, please.”

“whose fucking pussy is this?” he gives a deep thrust as he emphasizes the word, making you yelp in surprise. 

“y-yours!” 

“you’re goddamn right.” he continues to pound into your tight cunt relentlessly before his hand reaches to press down and rub your clit with his thumb, just enough to make you see stars and lips part in a silent scream as you finally come undone. 

dabi groans as he feels your walls clamping around his cock, his nails already forming red, crescent shapes as he continues to chase after his own orgasm. 

“fuck– i’m gonna fill up this pussy.” his thrusts begin to stutter as he feels his climax washes through him and his cock twitches inside you before he releases hot cum inside you. 

dabi’s grins proudly as he watches your limp body slumped down against the floor as he pulls out his cock. he makes sure to put back the dripping cum inside your cunt with his finger, making you shriek weakly from overstimulation. 

the both of you say nothing as he picks you up and takes you to your room. both are too drained for any further arguments and he’s glad that you’re not trying to make a fuss anymore. he puts you on your bed and you swiftly turn to your side before feeling the bed dips behind you as he puts his weight down on it. 

dabi wraps his arm around you and presses your back to his chest. you went through so much tonight, you can’t even bother to cry anymore and you’re too numb to process all your feelings right now. you don’t know what will happen tomorrow instead you wish it won’t come at all. 

“we’ll start over.” a faint voice suddenly cracks the silent room.

you want to laugh. with your clouded mind, you can’t make up whether it’s dabi who just said it or is it only a voice in your mind that subconsciously replays the same damn sentences that you heard way too often after each time you were laid bruised and limp on the bed, in the exact same position as you and dabi are now. nonetheless, you remain still and ignore it as your eyelids start to feel too heavy to keep your eyes open and your vision fades into darkness, despite the warm orange morning glow looming in the corner of the room as the sun begins to rise. 

duskamethyst © 2020 • do not modify, translate or repost anywhere.

#dabi x reader #dabi #touya todoroki #dabi fanfic #mha fanfic #bnha fanfic #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #dabi x you #hawks #keigo takami #hawks x you #hawks x reader #robinwrites #dabi ff #bnha angst #angst dabi #dabi smut #hawks smut #r; writes #tw; physical abuse #tw; emotional abuse #tw; dubcon #tw; yandere #yandere dabi #tw; abuse #tw; cheating

[shemarmooresfedora]

Rebuilding Family

Summary: Y/N and Spencer were college sweethearts at Cal-Tech but once Spencer got accepted to the FBI Academy, he ended things deciding it was not fair to make Y/N wait for him. When they meet again years later, he discovers something unexpected.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

A/N: this may be my favorite chapter yet. i originally was going to delay this chapter a day but the wonderful comments gave me motivation to write. i beg of you to play the song when i write it starts playing...enjoy!

Masterlist

Chapter 12

“Yes, yes, yes!” Spencer excitedly left the hospital, immediately calling you.

“Y/N Y/L/N” you answered, having not checked the caller ID first.

“Guess what?” Spencer smiled.

“Hi Spence. What?” your tone instantly became lighter across the phone.

“The doctor cleared me. I don’t need crutches anymore!” Spencer exclaimed.

“Oh my god, that’s great! I know how much you hated them,” you responded.

“Yes, I did not like not being able to help you with Jo as much. But do you know what this also means…” he prompted.

“What?” you asked.

“I will actually be able to walk around and

take you on a real date ,” he beamed.

“Looking forward to it,” you grinned.

“How about tonight?” he asked excitedly.

“What about Jo?”

“JJ’s,” he replied quickly.

Clearly, he had already thought this through completely.

“Okay. I’d ask you what time you’re picking me up but we are both living in the same place right now so I’ll see you at home,” you giggled.

“See you at home,” he repeated with a massive smile plastered on his face.

-

“Mommy, why can’t I come?” Jo pouted, clinging on to your neck as you brought her out to the car.

“Me and Daddy are going to do BORING adult things,” you pretended to snore, “You don’t want to come, Baby J. You get to go have a fun playdate with Henry. I’m so jealous.”

You buckled her in and closed the car door, feeling arms wrap around your waist.

“Boring?” Spencer asked, feigning hurt.

“So boring,” you teased, giving him a kiss.

“You look beautiful by the way,” Spencer earnestly looked into your eyes.

You opened your mouth to respond but there was a faint knock on the car window.

“The princess is getting impatient,” he chuckled, climbing into the driver’s seat.

-

“Hi!” JJ greeted the three of you at the door as you set Jo down who immediately ran inside in search of her best friend.

“Thank you for watching her,” you said.

“Oh, of course. Don’t worry about it! Now, go! Don’t waste any more of your night off talking to me,” she ushered you away.

“Bye! I’ll text you when we’re on our way back to get her,” Spencer waved.

Spencer then grabbed your hand, interlocking your fingers and pulling you back towards the car as your head fell back in delightful laughter.

-

“You know it’s funny,” JJ said to Will as they were watching you two out the window, “Before I even knew that they had a history together, I was considering setting them up together.”

“What made you think that?” Will questioned, “I mean they’re both very nice people but I wouldn’t have thought about that.”

“I don’t know. I just felt like there could be something between them...turns out there already was,” she smiled.

-

Spencer pulled the car up to a beautiful patio dining area overlooking a lake. It was dusk and the sun was setting so stringed lights were hung up all around the tables.

“Spence, I heard it takes like a year to get a reservation here,” you looked at him incredulously.

“I have my ways,” he kissed your hand, “Come on.”

You walked up to the hostess with your hands interlocked.

“Dr. Spencer Reid for two,” he politely said to her.

“Right this way,” she guided you to your table with menus in her hand.

Spencer, ever the gentleman, pulled out your chair for you. You thanked the hostess but your eyes never left Spencer.

Once Spencer was seated, a silence fell over the two of you.

“This is kind of an awkward first date because we already know everything about each other,” you admitted.

“Yes, we are doing things a little backwards but at least I know I already love every single thing about you,” Spencer smiled.

You blushed, “Ditto.”

“Hey there,” the waitress approached your table, “What can I get started for you both?”

“I’ll have a glass of red wine please,” you said.

“I’ll just have water, thanks. Also, can we get spring rolls as an appetizer,” Spencer asked.

“Sure thing, I’ll be right back with those,” she wrote your order down in her notepad and left the table.

“Why am I surprised you remembered my affinity for spring rolls?” you laughed.

“I know it’s technically impossible for me to forget anything but even if I didn’t have an eidetic memory, I still wouldn’t forget a single thing about you,” he spoke.

You felt your cheeks heat up yet again.

“You have always had a way with words, Dr. Reid,” you took a sip from the wine glass that the waitress placed in front of you to hide your bashful grin.

-

You were headed back to JJ’s after a wonderful dinner. You were on a backroad and it was starting to drizzle. The radio was playing softly as you played with Spencer’s fingers in your hand.

Signed, Signed, Delivered by Stevie Wonder began to play through the radio. Spencer excitedly turned to look at you.

“This is our song, remember?” he beamed.

“Yeah, I remember,” you giggled.

Before you know what was happening, Spencer had pulled the car over and turned the radio up loudly.

He let go of your hand and exited the car.

“Spence, it’s raining!” you laughed.

“Good thing we have a dryer at home. Come on!” he walked around to your side, opening your car door and offering his hand.

You accepted and he pulled you out of the car, twirling you around. You danced around hand in hand, splashing in puddles without a care in the world.

You and Spencer were both singing at the top of your lungs, occasionally breaking from the lyrics to let out a joyous laugh. As the song faded out, he dipped you down, smiling widely. You slicked his wet hair back as he pulled you in for a kiss.

You didn’t know how long the kiss lasted but you finally pulled apart when there was a loud honk in front of you. A car was stopped in the road, waiting for you to finish your makeout session in the middle of the street.

“Sorry!” Spencer called out to the driver as you both giddily ran back to your car.

You kissed him once more once you were back inside the safety of the car.

-

You were grinning like fools when Will opened the door.

“Do I want to know?” Will chuckled, gesturing at your soaked clothes.

“I think it’s better if we keep it to ourselves,” you smiled.

JJ came around the corner with a sleepy Jo in her arms.

“Well it looks like you two had fun,” she said as she handed Jo to Spencer.

“Thank you again. If you guys ever want to go out, we can watch Henry,” you offered.

“It’s really not a problem but we may take you up on that some time. Have a good night, guys,” JJ smiled.

“Daddy, why are you wet?” Jo asked curiously.

“Mommy and Daddy had to walk in the rain back to their car after the long meeting,” Spencer pretended to sound unamused as to not let the child know about your fun night without her.

“Me and Henry had mac and cheese for dinner and then we played dinosaurs and then we watched Finding Nemo,” Jo informed you both on the drive home.

“Well it sounds like you had an exciting night,” you smiled.

Once you got home, Spencer offered to tuck Jo into bed while you changed out of your damp clothes.

You peeked into the room just as Spencer was giving her a kiss on the forehead and getting up from the bed.

“I should go,” Spencer spoke softly.

“Or...you could stay,” you offered quietly.

Spencer smiled, “The latter sounds much better.”

“Now go change into sweats from my closet before you catch a cold,” you ushered him into your room.

You went downstairs to give Spencer some privacy, turning the kettle on to heat up and taking out two mugs.

You slowly made your way back upstairs with two warm mugs of chamomile tea. You tapped slightly at the door before entering.

“Thank you,” Spencer accepted the mug into his hands, giving you a quick kiss.

“I’m going to put our clothes in the dryer and then I’ll be right back,” he said, taking a sip of the tea before setting it down on the nightstand.

Spencer returned a few minutes later, getting in under the comforters and wrapping one arm around you. You both sipped your tea in a comfortable silence as the rain continued to pour down outside.

“Chamomile tea’s health benefits include protecting against diarrhea, nausea, stomach ulcers, and gas,” Spencer stated.

“Ever the romantic, Dr. Reid,” you giggled, resting your head on his shoulder.

#spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #cm fanfic #reid x reader #spencer x reader #criminal minds

[jujywrites]

Author Self-Interview

fdgdfgdfgdfg how long has this been here, @mricg i’m sorry, i’m not dead XD

Name: JujY

Fandoms: Primarily Fruits Basket, To the Moon, and Undertale. Secondarily Attack On Titan, Chihayafuru, Yuri On Ice, Legend of Zelda. And a lot more fandoms I’ve written like one thing for.

Where do you post: AO3 as JujYFru1T(RPF/vids/misc) and SapphireOcean (fictional fandoms). FF.net as SapphireOcean (my first fanfic account, now a mirror). Tumblr as JujYwrites— a few one-off drabbles don’t make it to AO3 but I try to keep them exact. …I should probably update my fic page oops

Most popular multi-chapter fic: Guess I’ll go with hit count for these questions~ This one is tricky bc a lot of my multichaps are ficlet collections. And my one true multichap (Sugar and Spice, an Undertale fic) is less popular than those.... so that’s that! a smile that melts everything away, my perpetually ongoing paean to Furuba’s KyoxTohruxYuki, my favorite ship in the universe.

Most popular one-shot: to your recklessness and pleasure, an Aruani PWP that I wrote... 7 years ago wait WHAT that’s impossible DDD:

Favourite story you’ve written so far: i agonized over this one i gotta say. but I keep returning to Always Falling Down, a To the Moon fanfic which is incredibly id-ficcy. and I get to say it’s a canon-adjacent AU because small fandom = small canon ^w^

Fic you were most nervous to post: no contest!! winter covers everything, a Yuri On Ice canon-divergent AU. A: I focus on a minor female character, B: I break up not one but TWO canon ships, one of which is THE ship for the fandom... and C: make that ship polyamorous with the minor female character. I. was. TERRIFIED. but instead it’s been silent, and the few comments I’ve gotten are so wonderful and kind ugh ;_; (and i love that fic universe and i’m gonna write more, now that I know the fandom isn’t inclined to hateread and flame... knock on wood everywhere buhuhu-)

How do you choose your titles: a lot of times they’re based off song lyrics. But when lyrics don’t feel right I try to pick something that relates to the fic, sometimes in a painfully obvious way bc I’m not good at titles >w

Do you outline: sometimes I’ll do mini-outlines for a certain scene, but.., yeah no I’m kind of a pantser and often just forget that outlines are a thing that might be useful??

Complete fics: I have three complete multifandom collections (2 for ficlets, 1 for drabbles), one complete multichapter fic, and 61(!! what!!) complete oneshots-- 4 of those in one fic, a shipweek.

Do you accept prompts: Always, yes, send away. My openness to prompts is probably to my detriment!!! Bc there are some embarrassingly old asks that I’m still gonna answer!!!!

Upcoming story you’re most excited to write: I’m working on a idficcy Yukyoru WIP that’s got me all soft. And actually working on two RPF WIPs for two different big bangs (yes, tiny rareships again, as is my wont in fictional fandoms~ 

I tag: @improbabelle @stevie-rin-hargreeves @kaeldra but no obligation as always. and, yknow, anyone else who wants to!!

#Writing memes #Fruits Basket #Attack On Titan #Yuri on ice

[personasintro]

before you go | myg drabble

𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀; taking a step forward, you decide it's time to act after realization that you're worth much more than your boyfriend thinks, and you deserve even more

𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: angst

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: cheating au, mentions of sex, strong language, yoongi cries 

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2k

a/n: commissioned by the lovely @minyoongail​, who's been extremely patient with me! thank you again and I hope you enjoy this drabble!

𝗺.𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 | ☕️

It happened gradually, smoothly even.

Although, you’re not sure if the word ‘smooth’ is the right one to describe it. It happened slowly and gradually, that you barely noticed it but now that you look at all the clues and details, it makes a perfect sense and you come to think; how stupid were you? You should’ve seen it sooner. You should’ve focus on those details more. And most importantly, you should’ve never trust him the way you did.

Cheating is unforgivable and unforgettable. But there was still a time when you ignored it, purposely tried to be blind about it and pretended that it never happened. But it broke you even more. How can it not?

It started with the lack of his presence. The usual excuse; the work got busy and they needed me. Funny how the word ‘they’ should’ve been in a singular form rather than plural. And at first, you believed that. Why couldn’t he be busy? Being an idol practically screams busy and unavailable but even then, you as a couple managed to get through that. You respected his profession just like he did yours, there was no reason to compare your two different professions. You were proud of him, fuck, you still are. Despite of what happened, you’re still proud of him for working so hard to the point the whole word knows who he is and they praise him for his incredible ability to comfort people with his music and lyrics.

It didn’t come weird to you when he started to stay nights somewhere else, rather than by your side and in his luxurious apartment placed in one of the newest buildings in Seoul, with a perfect view of Han River and center of Seoul. When he asked you to move in, you knew there’d be times when he would be just too busy but you also knew, it’d be a great opportunity to be closer to him. And a next step in your two year relationship. So naturally, you thought he’s just spending the nights in his studio and in the company. Oh, how wrong you were.

Then secret calls and messages happened.

Yoongi has always been a quiet man who liked his privacy, but not to the extent of changing his password and holding his phone for a dear life. It’s not like you went and snooped around in his phone, trying to find something suspicious or something like that. It happened randomly when you saw him unlocking it with a different password, when he laid on the sofa next to you. His Touch ID was broken and it was dark for his Face ID to work. If those two things didn’t happen, you’d never know or maybe you’d find out eventually. Regardless of that, maybe it was the universe giving you a first sign.

Yoongi always used to go to another room whenever someone called him, it was just his pet peeve. He wanted to go somewhere quiet where he could discuss an important business. But after he started to close a door and you couldn’t hear his muffled voice, so all you heard was a complete silence or whispered words, it started to become weird.

Third thing that caught your attention was the lack of intimacy in your relationship. Sure, Yoongi’s a busy man with a hectic schedule and life, but he used to find the time to appreciate you in more ways than possible. Even if it was just a quick sex to get a relief, and he drifted to sleep right away, he still whispered soft I love you’s into your ear. When days became weeks and weeks became months without him even touching you, you knew something’s wrong. He can be busy, but he’s still a man with needs like you’re woman with the same ones. You don’t have to mention dates, because those didn’t happen as well. And when Yoongi came home with a weird purplish mark on his chest, which you randomly saw because he started to shower alone and wouldn’t ask you to join him like he used to, you knew he’s getting his relief somewhere else.

It hurt. Maybe you have it all wrong, maybe it’s not how it seems. You desperately tried to persuade yourself, but things never got better and they just got even worse. So, you buried yourself into the work and distanced yourself just like he did but still, none of you voiced out the problem even though you both knew something’s wrong. Your relationship stopped having a future. But why can’t he just end it?

Why does he keep sneaking behind your back? He even started to be lazy with precautions, and left his phone on his nightstand one evening.

‘see you tomorrow, can’t wait x’, said the text.

The woman’s name almost burned your eyes but no, it was your tears that did.

And that’s how you’ve spent your nights, crying into your pillow and the person who was behind your crying was nowhere to be seen, and all you’ve had left was his empty side of bed. Where there were no tears left to cry, anger replaced the sadness and hurt. You were angry, but still holding yourself in your boyfriend’s presence. It wasn’t hard, he was barely present in your own presence. He made it easy.

But even anger didn’t last that long and you slowly became numb. Numb to the pain, to the anger and any other emotion. That’s what he’s done to you and he should’ve seen it coming.

Just like when he opens the front door, completely tired and worn out, met with the sight of two big suitcases. He knows they belong to you, his own are plain black but that’s not why he recognizes it at first. It’s because those are the same ones he helped you with when you moved in. Dropping his keys onto the small cupboard, he walks deeper into the huge apartment to find it just in the exact state. However, what’s different is you walking out of the bedroom with a bag in your arms, along with your phone. You don’t notice him, you’re too busy trying to check if you’ve packed everything and there’s nothing left of you. You don’t plan on coming back and if there’s something you accidentally forgot, you don’t want it. You’d rather lose that thing than to come here again and be reminded of the biggest heartbreak you’ve ever experienced.

“What are you doing?”

You almost jump at the deep and velvety voice, eyes widened at the sight of what used to be your boyfriend in front of you. He eyes your bag, a silent question decorating his features.

“Leaving,” you answer nonchalantly, almost scoffing at him. How the fuck does it look like? You surely aren’t going on a holiday.

“Why?” he asks, his voice suddenly getting more cautious and louder when he sees your distance, especially when you walk past him.

His footsteps are heard behind you, and you wish he’d just ignore you like he’s been doing for the past couple of months.

“We both know why,” you mutter, rolling your eyes before you stop at the picture frame that’s sitting on the dresser. It’s the picture of you and him, taken sometime when you started dating. It’s your picture and you’re the one who brought it when you moved in, it’s been decorating Yoongi’s apartment ever since.

That’s the one thing you’re willing to purposely leave behind, you don’t want that.

Feeling his eyes burning at the side of your face, he’s got the perfect view of it being expressionless before you walk past the picture like it means nothing. Because it does. It used to be one of the most precious things you've ever owned. It was decorating your home, a sweet reminder of your boyfriend whom you loved very much at that time. You missed him every minute but whenever you looked at that picture, it brought a warm feeling to your heart. It made all those moments when you finally were by his side, able to kiss him, even more precious. Now, that picture brings nothing but emptiness and irritant feeling instead. And it's only one person's fault and that person is standing just a few meters away from you with the most heartbreaking eyes. As if you're the one who broke him first.

“Come on, we can talk about this. Please, just let’s sit down and talk about this.”

The desperation that raises up in his tone is quite surprising to you, but you don’t react. Just when you’re standing in front of your suitcases, you glance at him. He stares at you with a hopeful gaze, but you just shake your head.

“What’s there to talk about?” you ask him.

It’s that unbothered tone and expression that makes him panic. Why are you so calm? He knew this day will come, but he hadn’t expected it to be so soon.

“We both know this is not working out.” you tell him calmly.

“Baby,” he tries, causing the corner of your mouth to quirk up but it’s only for a second. It’s sarcastic that he remembered to call you that just now, when he barely called you anything in months. “Please.”

“Why don’t you go back to whoever you’ve been fucking behind my back?” you ask him, raising a brow at him.

He opens his mouth, a horrific expression decorating his pale face acting like it’s not obvious. At first it wasn’t, you were too blind at the beginning and then too stubborn to admit something your mind was telling you.

“Let me—“

“What? Explain? No, thanks. I’m done, Yoongi.” you tell him, turning around to grab your suitcases and just go.

When his hand grasps your wrist to keep you in place, your eyes snap to him ready to cuss him out but you’re speechless when you see the tears forming in his eyes.

“Please,” he begs, tears streaming down his cheeks. There were times when you’d cry at the sight, doing your best to comfort him but not now. Those times are gone.

Slowly, you pull your hand from his grip, ignoring his hurt face and how it scrunches both in pain and desperation.

Why is he suddenly acting so hurt over you leaving? 

“You should’ve seen it coming,” you tell him coldly, “Fucking someone behind my back— it was just a matter of time before I’d found out and I did. Long time ago but I’m done.”

Turning around, you take your suitcases and reach towards the knob to finally escape the suffocating air thanks to Yoongi. You don’t cry, you can’t and you don’t want you. You’ve already cried enough because of this man that proved to be someone that never deserved your tears. You’re numb to this.

“Before you go,” he speaks up, voice raising in panic when you’re about to open the door. “Is there something I can do to make this better?”

The regret in his voice is audible, but you don’t react to it at all. You see it written all over his face, he realized what he’s done and now that he sees you leaving from his apartment and life, there’s nothing but sorrow and pain screaming from him.

“Before I go?” you chuckle bitterly, “You went first, you went away first as soon as you decided to have sex with someone else.”

And that’s the final straw, he doesn’t deserve a second of your time and an ounce of your attention. Ending it with that, not answering him purposely because there’s nothing that could make this situation better, you take all of your stuff and leave out of his luxurious apartment. Before you fully walk away from him, you grab your keys — the ones he gave you before you even moved in — and you toss it on the floor. It lands right in front of his feet, tears streaming down his face as he looks at the keys. It still has the keychain he gave you.

The last thing he hears is the gentle thud of you closing the door, but to his ears it's the loudest sound he has heard. Along with his cracking heart but it just proves to be even louder.

#networkbangtan #bts angst #bts au #yoongi fanfic #yoongi drabbles #yoongi angst #bts smut #yoongi scenario #suga drabble #yoongi x reader #suga x reader #bts suga #bts fanfic #kpop fanfic #kpop angst #yoongi smut #personasintro

[angelic-jeonghan1004]

Dance, Baby! || Donghyun

My favorite boy! I’m happy to write this as its a favorite song of mine and reminded me of him for a while. I hope you all enjoy! I’ll also hopefully be picking back up requests soon, thank you for always supporting me my loves! also once again want to note if its x reader with no specific gender said its gn! I prefer to write in gn so everyone can enjoy my work! The song I based this fic on was very female oriented which is why I kept it them same but just thought Id remind my gn works are almost all of them! Unless you specify in request I usually keep it gn!

All the writing is done by me and based with the lyrics of dance baby! please dont take credit of my work or lyrics taken from Boy Pablos work. I credit all music genius to him!

Pairing: Donghyun x female reader

Synopsis: Going to a party was not on Donghyuns to do list but for his buddy he decided to make it. Feeling bland till he saw you, care to dance? 

Genre: fluff, angst if you squint!

Warnings: minor language 

listen to Dance, Baby! by Boy Pablo

Gif credits to rightful owner ✨

<Setting a scene! The venue the party is at is a genuine party venue! Not a house or apartment, Imagine like the legacy lounge in la!>

Donghyun didn’t plan on going to the party Youngtaek was throwing, but Youngtaek was so excited about it he couldn’t bring himself to not. Sadly the party was exactly as he suspected, sitting alone, nobody sparking interest in him for conversation. The people in here are crazy, he’d been faking a smile for a while now; but what could he do instead? Been here for a while now, did he even know when he got here? No idea at this point. Just fed up and wanting to go home.

All those thoughts came to a stop though as you came to the room. Your beauty and bright smile took him by surprise. Donghyun quickly found his way to Youngtaek through the crowd of people. You thankfully still in sight left Donghyun able to ask Youngtaek the question. Who are you?

“Taek, who is she?” Donghyun said, nudging him pointing in your direction.

“Oh that's y/n! She's super sweet, you'd like her.” He said with a smile back to the younger male. Youngtaek could tell Donghyun took a liking to you. Could see it in his eyes. His thoughts showed everything. damn, that girl. 

“Would you be willing to set me up with her?” 

“I mean sure? But you could easily do that yourself.” Youngtaek patted his shoulder with those words and walked with him to you. Being faced with two boys, knowing one already you automatically made eye contact with Donghyun as he was a new person. You could see as he had a mixture of confidence and nervousness all at once.

“Y/n! This is my friend Donghyun. I think you and him would get along well!” Youngtaek said as his usual energetic self. What you didn’t hear was Youngtaek’s whisper to Donghyun “you’re welcome” as he walked away. The dance floor is near you two. Why not just go for it? One of Donghyuns most charming points is his dancing, so why not ask?

“We just met but, care to dance with me?” He said with a smile on his face reaching his hand out for you. Gladly taking it you walked out to the dance floor. You were jaw dropped by his moves, unlinking hands to dance to impress, he made sure not to go too hard but you still felt a little funny dancing next to such a professional like that.

“You're so good at dancing, I don't think I match the level.” You said with a laugh. He held onto your hand once more and smiled at you.

“Dancing skill doesn't matter if you’re having fun.” He said as he took you in for a spin. You couldn’t lie to yourself while having the time of your life with him. He could feel the butterflies filling his stomach. You really had a grasp over him and you had just met. He was glad to see you having fun and not intimidated by his moves.

“See? Just dance with me, we can get lost right here under the chandelier.” Donghyun's smile grew wider as he saw your face lit up. Sadly your wonderful impromptu dance partners plans to get to know you better took a turn as someone grabbed your arm. Turning you saw it was a guy from past school classes who you had interest in a while back but never took an initiative with him. 

Who’s he? Donghyun thought but couldn’t bring himself to say out loud. You excused yourself from Donghyun and started talking with said boy. His demeanor was rude and he obviously was one to be cocky. Donghyun was frustrated as he watched your interaction go down with the man. He felt bad to eavesdrop but the guy’s just a douchebag. He seemed predatorial over who you hung out with as he kept asking about Donghyun after you said you had just met. But you seemed to be awfully patient with the boy so Donghyun didn’t know how to take the situation. All he could think was 1. Please don't turn me down for him 2. What does this guy have that he can't give to you? 3. I'm so disappointed in myself. 

But as if the gods had a liking for Donghyun he was taken out of his existential crisis. The look on your face says “I hope we go places” as you find your way over to him. With that interaction though a blow to his confidence was made trying to tell if that was a boyfriend, friend, but is it too soon to ask? Well better to not be a home wrecker than to continue shooting his shot. But what should he do afterwards? Ugh should’ve searched how to date on Chrome. 

“So who was that guy?” He asked with curiosity and nervousness laced in his voice. Finding it cute you decided to see if you could push for something.

“Just a past crush, seems he's actually interested. It just took me interacting with another guy for him to tell. But I’m ready to let go.  What do you think I should do?” You said with a gleam of hope he'd take an initiative with what you laid in front of him. But even then making a new friend wouldn’t be bad either if he didn’t go for it you thought.

“I could give the world to you if you turned him down for me” He responded with a smile once again reaching his hand out to you. But this time he had his phone in hand with a contact ready to be made.

#golden child #golden child fluff #golden child imagines #golden child x reader #golden child reactions #golden child scenarios #donghyun x reader #donghyun imagines #donghyun scenarios #daeyeol x reader #sungyoon x reader #jangjun x reader #seungmin x reader #youngtaek x reader #jibeom x reader #jaehyun x reader #joochan x reader #bomin x reader #daeyeol imagines #sungyoon imagines #jangjun imagines #youngtaek imagines #seungmin imagines #jibeom imagines #jaehyun imagines #joochan imagines #bomin imagines #gncd imagines #gncd scenarios #gncd fluff

[serendipitee]

28, juke?

thank you so much for the prompt, anon! I hope you’re satisfied ;)

Number 28 from this list - one person tracing the other’s lips with a fingertip until they can’t resist any longer, tilting their chin towards them for a kiss.

Julie didn’t even know how it had happened. Well, she did know but there was just no logical explanation for it.

 Because this, this wasn’t anything like her. She didn’t end up in boys’ garages after only knowing them for a few hours. She just didn’t.

 Flynn and Carrie had finally convinced her to leave the textbooks for the night, instead spending it with them. After a lot of convincing and bribing (with the promise of an unhealthy amount of sour worms in her near future), she had agreed, letting her friends even dress her up as they deemed appropriate.

Ever since they had started college, Julie had spent most of her days inside her dorm room studying or working as a piano teacher for kids in her free time. What she definitely hadn’t done was going out.

 Flynn and Carrie definitely had, because the bouncer greeted them with a toothy grin and a high-five, waving them into the crowded bar.

 Her two best friends had quickly pushed a way through the mass of people until they had reached the counter. It had been an uncomfortable feeling, being pressed against so many strangers, the bass vibrating through her body and Julie hadn’t felt like she belonged.

 She should be studying, working her ass off to get through college as quickly as possible, so she could start making sure that no other girl would lose their mother to cancer. It was an impossible quest, she was very aware of that, but Julie had been set on it ever since leaving her mom in that hospital bed.

 “Cheers!” Carrie had handed her the first shot, something clear that smelled disgusting and Julie had swallowed it, shaking her entire body while her best friends laughed.

 Flynn had ordered them a round of drinks, the fake IDs sitting in their purses, unused. And after they had gotten their fancy cocktails, Carrie pulled them onto the dance floor.

 Moving to the music, letting her body sway to the rhythm, Julie slowly had felt more at ease, more careless. She had laughed, when a guy had tried to dance with Carrie only to be rejected by a raised eyebrow and a simple shake of her friend’s head.

 They had belted out the lyrics to all their favorite songs and then she had needed a water while her friends had stayed.

 Making her way through the dance floor, she had mumbled ‘sorry’ about two dozen times until she finally reached the bar. Leaning on her elbows, she had tried to catch the attention of one of the bar keepers but they always went right over her head.

 “Excuse me!” She had yelled for the millionth time.

 “Don’t be polite,” a voice had laughed right into her ear, a chest pressing against her back, two arms bracketing her, as he was shoved from behind.

 She had turned around, about to give him a lesson in manners and boundaries because personal space, when brown met green.

 He had been sweaty, strands of hair sticking to his forehead and she couldn’t help glancing at his bare arms in his cut-offs which he strangely enough seemed to pull off.

 “Excuse me?” It had slipped out before she could think about it.

 A laugh had rumbled through his chest, transformed his face and damn, it had been gorgeous. He had leant even closer. “You need to toughen up.”

 His lips had been brushing against her ear and Julie had tried to suppress the shiver running down her back. She had obviously failed if his smirk was anything to go by.

 “What do you suggest?” She had asked, getting on her tip toes and close to his ear. The way he had pulled in his bottom lip as she fell back didn’t go unnoticed.

 He had whispered clear instructions into her ear and Julie had done her best not to get distracted by those damn arm muscles. Finally, he had leant back and she had watched him critically.

 “And that works?”

 “Every time,” he had shrugged.

 “If I die of dehydration, it’s your fault.” She had pointed her finger at him, tempted to poke his chest, check if it was as firm as it looked.

 “I’ll make sure you won’t,” he had answered, getting pushed into her from behind again and Julie had found, that she didn’t even mind.

 One last look at him, she had turned around. The dark-haired bartender had been about to pass by her again when she yelled, “Yo, Bobby!”

 His name obviously had gotten his attention, because he stopped to check who had called for him. Julie had leant further onto the bar. “Two screwdrivers and a smile!”

 Bobby’s eyes had gotten big as he had locked in on her. Then. they had wandered over her head. Rolling his eyes, he had stepped up to them. “Fuck off, Patterson. You’re not getting your drinks for free because a pretty girl orders them for you.”

 Julie had blushed a little, especially when the boy had leaned against her, so he wouldn’t have to yell as loud. “Love you, too.”

 Ignoring him, the bartender had turned to her, throwing on a winning smile. “So, do you actually want a screwdriver or did that asshole tell you to say that?”

 “Both,” she had answered truthfully.

 For a moment, his eyes had flitted back to his friend’s – Julie assumed that they were friends, after all he knew the guy’s surname – and then he had sighed. “Coming right up.”

 Grinning triumphantly, she had turned back to the boy. He had laughed, his arms touching her bare shoulders and Julie had joined him, the energy bubbling inside her.

 Bobby had waved her off when she wanted to pay. “It’s on the house. But only for you, not for him.”

 Huffing, the guy had called out, “Try to be on time for rehearsal tomorrow!”

 Flipping him off, Bobby had turned to the next customer and Julie’s curiosity had sparked.

 “Rehearsal?” She had asked.

 “We’re in a band. Sunset Curve.” He had suddenly seemed a little bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck, biting his lip.

 Julie hadn’t been able to squash down her excitement and had asked him question after question. It had been too long since she had talked about music with somebody who loved it just as much as she did.

 Shortly after, they had left the bar, sat down at the curb outside, talking about their favorite song-writers and the stuff they were working on respectively.

 Their shoulders had bumped against each other constantly, a spark traveling down her spine every time, settling in her stomach. It had kept her warm against the cool October night.

 And then somehow, they had ended up at the garage they called their studio. Had ended up sitting on the couch, his guitar across his lap, notebook open in front of them and Julie didn’t even know his name but she didn’t care because there were so many other things she knew about him, that he knew about her. Everything had just, clicked. It hadn’t felt like they had only known each other for a few hours.

 And now, here they were. In a situation Julie never would have imagined herself in when the night started.

 “That’s amazing,” she breathed out after he had shown her one of his songs, the last chord ringing through the room.

 His smile was blinding, drawing her eyes to his lips.

 “You, um, you wanna sing the next one with me? You do sing, right?” He asked.

 Julie chuckled sadly. “I used to. With my mom, but I haven’t sung in a really long time.”

 He leaned towards her, shoulders brushing and Julie realized suddenly that they were completely alone. Well, they had been for a while but somehow it felt very different now. Had her heart always beat that hard against her ribcage?

 “I won’t tell anyone,” he promised, throwing in a wink.

 She laughed quietly, noting the way his eyes wandered to her lips and she filed that information away, pleased.

 “Can you play me another one?” She asked to distract him.

 He seemed to know what she was doing, but he still turned to another page in his notebook. Checking in with her, he started strumming, his fingers finding their way confidently.

 Julie would be lying if she said, it didn’t turn her on. She had always had a thing for musicians, guitarists in particular. Her everlasting crush on Nick all through high school was only further proof of that.

 When he started singing, she couldn’t help staring because he was good, really good and so were the lyrics. She took the notebook, knowing that the song was probably engrained on his mind already and read along. By the second verse she found herself humming and when he reached the chorus, she was surprised to find that she was singing.

 He missed a chord, fingers slipping for a moment but then his smile grew, especially when she added harmonies at the end.

 It was quiet when they finished, a silence charged with electricity. Their eyes locked, brown meeting green and Julie didn’t dare move.

 “You do sing,” he finally whispered, his breath hitting her lips, voice rough.

 She smiled slowly, trying to dismiss it. “It’s a good song.”

 “You made it better.” He sounded so sincere that Julie couldn’t help but break the eye-contact.

 She was blushing furiously under his gaze, shaking her head. “I haven’t done anything. I haven’t actually sung in—”

 Her voice trailed off, as he touched her chin, turning it towards her. His thumb carefully touched her bottom lip. “Your voice is” – he made a sound at the back of his throat – “like a wrecking ball.”

 Julie tried to shake her head but he wouldn’t let her. His thumb traced along her lower lip instead and the touch made her body freeze, while her heart raced in her chest.

 She didn’t even know his name, was the one thought running through her mind on repeat, as he slowly leaned closer.

 “I don’t even know your name,” she blurted out, his thumb stopping its way.

 He chuckled. “I don’t know yours, either.”

 “It’s Julie.”

 “Julie.” He said it like it was something precious and she liked the way his lips formed it. “Julie…”

 She found herself nodding. The air around them seemed to be filled with sparks and butterflies. She felt them inside her and on her skin, fluttering every time he moved his thumb or his breath hit her face. Every heart beat between them intensified the feeling, a feeling she had never experienced before and yet felt so achingly familiar, it should scare her.

 It didn’t.

 “Luke.” She spoke his name for the first time, breathing it out like it could break on the tip of her tongue.

 He stilled, his thumb slipping from her lip, resting on her chin. A heartbeat, two, three passed, then he tilted her chin up. The sparks thrummed with electricity, the butterflies danced excitedly on her skin and inside her chest.

 Closing the space between them, Julie kissed him, surprising him if the little gasp was any indication.

 No kiss had ever felt like this, all consuming, like an electric hammer to the heart, the butterflies swarming around them, following their hands, their lips, their eyes as they fell into each other.

 Years down the road, Flynn and Carrie would still take credit for their relationship. After all, they never would have met without them.

 Julie liked to think, they would’ve. Someday, somehow, they would’ve found each other.

#a juke meet cute and first kiss for valentine's day #i still can't write drabbles so this is almost 2k of juke fluff #jatp fic #juke fic #julie x luke #juke #my writing

[letsgetusaghostfriend]

A Green Day concert, a bloody nose and a coming out – Sunset Curve & Green Day I

Summary: Luke and Bobby got them tickets for the Green Day show in LA on November 2nd 1994, also known as the night Billie Joe punched a homophobe and Alex came out to the guys.

Friendship fic, super Alex & Bobby centred, Luke and Reggie are not straight but don’t know that yet. Also, I know most people think Alex came out way earlier, but he has to not be out for this story to work.

((warnings: homophobia, homophobic language (not fully written out except in the band name of the opening act), slight violence, mentioned: alcohol, underage drinking (I am german, so for me it’s not underage drinking but yeah), in general: swearing))

word count: 4.9k, read here on AO3 x

~

Luke and Bobby got four tickets for the Green Day show in LA on November 2nd in 1994, it was one of Green Day’s bigger shows at that time. The boys previously have been to other concerts of the band, but the last one was in a small club in ’92, of course, all four of them being way too young for that place. Luke and Reggie were the first ones out of their group to get fake ID’s, mainly to go to gigs and play gigs. In the beginning, Alex thought he would never do the same, too scared of possible consequences, but then Luke used his stupid puppy eyes. (They still work even after Alex crush died, dead and buried). And if he was being honest, it was really helpful for playing clubs if the owners can at least pretend that they believe the four boys are old enough to be there.

Alex was aware that Green Day’s opening act, Pansy Division, was an all-gay band. And he was excited and scared at the same time. He found out because this one kid in his English class, Josh, went to the San Diego show earlier that week and told one of his friends that he shouldn’t go to the LA show as Green Day was just a bunch of “f*g lovers” and not worth their time. So Alex was scared: what if his friends would say the same thing?

They arrive late and the line is massive, Alex anxiety pitches in and reminds him that if it takes too long for them to get inside, he might miss Pansy Divisions performance. Logically he knows that they wouldn’t start letting people in so late that the opening band already starts when most people are not inside yet, but his anxiety is not that into logical thinking. He can’t help being fidgety, at one point Luke noticed and asks him if the crowd is making him uncomfortable. “Yeah, a little bit” Alex responds, not wanting further questions about why he was so anxious. The boys keep close to the bar, staying in the back first, not too excited to get into the crowd just yet. Alex knows the others would be inside the first mosh pit if it wasn’t for his anxiety, but not once did they show any signs of annoyance about his hesitancy. They just patiently wait for Alex to get used to the crowd and atmosphere, never angry when he has a bad day and he never signals that it is okay for them to go into the more crowded areas. Sometimes, especially when Luke doesn’t know where to put his energy he and Reggie go, but they always make sure that at least one person stays with Alex. He probably should tell them how thankful he is for this more often (the others would disagree here since they feel like Alex thanks them too much).

When Pansy Division started playing Alex didn’t expect them to actually sing about hooking up with guys at rock concerts, loving men, having real, deep and meaningful relationships and just, in general, doing normal daily life stuff, living with a boyfriend and how it feels after a breakup. He feels so excited, almost jumping up and down to the beat, not able to put his excited energy out on the drums like he would if it was their own concert. Alex completely forgets to check the guys for any reactions, too involved in the music. He doesn’t see that the other three boys enjoy Pansy Divisions music just as much as he does. He doesn’t see Bobby eyeing him from the side, a knowing glint in his eye.

Alex doesn’t know that Bobby saw the way Alex would look at Luke when they were 14, at Brian from History when they were 15, and how he sometimes looks at pictures from Billie Joe Armstrong in magazines. Bobby also didn’t miss Alex’ obsession with the song Coming Clean. The other boys sometimes forget about how Bobby’s parents are genuine open-minded people, who introduce him to a lot more diverse people than his friends’ parents do. So yes, maybe Alex was discreet enough for Mr Luke Oblivious Patterson and Captain Reg Oblivious Peters, and his parents who anyway only see what they want to see, but not for Bobby. Bobby, who might from an outsider’s perspective looks like he is standing a bit outside this friendship group due to him being less loud and sociable than his friends, but Bobby who loves his friends with all his heart, Bobby who truly sees his friends and knows that this is where he belongs. Seeing the absolute bliss, happiness and excitement streaming from Alex like waves is contagious.

After Pansy Division finished their set and there was a short break before Green Day would start theirs, Bobby slips from their group, mumbling that he would get another beer. Instead, he goes to buy Pansy Divisions EP, because the band was genuinely good but mostly because he knows Alex wouldn’t buy it, but he will definitely want it. On his way to the little corner where they sell the Green Day merch as well as Pansy Division stuff, Bobby realises that it was actually packed, but he soon saw that it was just a long long line for the Green Day merch. Actually, there are so many people he can’t even see the Green Day merch salesperson. He manages to get to the guy who took care of the Pansy Division stuff, he greets him with a head nod and a short “hey”, while scrambling his money out of his pant pockets to count it. He’ll have to nick a bit off of Luke’s beer later, not having enough money left to buy another one. When he reaches out to hand out the money for the CD somebody joins the guy who cared for the merch. Bobby recognises that it’s the singer of Pansy Division and he smiles at him. “Great performance, really enjoyed you guys’ music!”. The singer grins at that and holds out his left hand, which Bobby finds a bit strange, but takes it nonetheless.

“Jon, nice to meet you.”

“Bobby, pleasure is all mine.”

“Ah, you’re a musician yourself!” Jon says while checking out Bobby as if he could tell whether the kid in front of him was any good based on his appearance. It took the guitarist a second to realise that Jon must’ve felt his calloused fingers from playing the guitar during the handshake. “Yeah, I’m actually here with my bandmates.” A voice in his head, that sounds suspiciously like Reggie tunes in with “We’re Sunset Curve, tell your friends.” But Bobby pretty much felt like a child trying to play in the adults’ league, so he doesn’t say anything else. Jon grabs the CD he was about to buy and opens it while asking “So Bobby, is the CD for you or someone else?” Taken aback by that question Bobby tells him without thinking “We kind of always share records. Em, so maybe Sunset Curve?” Jon who was about to sign the inside of the CD case, pauses and looks up again “You’re in Sunset Curve?”

“Yeah, rhythm guitar.” He answers without much of a thought, it takes him two seconds then he adds: “You’ve heard of us?” Jon chuckles at Bobby’s shocked tone.

“Saw you play a few months ago. Didn’t remember your name till Mike mentioned one of your songs, always called you “the band with the cute drummer” actually.” Jon casually explained to a still shell-shocked Bobby. The comment about Alex makes him choke on his own spit though. Jon smirks, but before he can say more Bobby’s mouth starts talking before his brain gave its okay: “You saw us well enough to say that Alex is cute, but you didn’t recognise me?” After the words left his mouth, he feels his face heat up.

‘Way to embarrass yourself by having too much of an ego, Robert, great job’, he thought to himself. But Jon again laughs it off, as if he made a funny joke, smirks and asks if Alex was here tonight.

“He is,” Bobby says, voice cold, “he is also sixteen.”

Now it was Jon’s time to look embarrassed. “Oh shit, never mind then.” He pauses. “Sixteen is a bit young to play that club you played, isn’t it?” He pauses again. “You guys take this whole music thing seriously, I like that!”

More at ease again after Jon’s reaction to Alex’ age, Bobby’s brain finally catches up with everything Jon said before he called Alex cute.

“Wait, Mike as in Mike Dirnt? As in Mike Dirnt mentioned one of our songs?” he asks astounded. Jon laughs at the utter bewilderment that the younger one’s face was showing. But before he could say something about it a loud voice behind Bobby sneers: “Oh look at that, Bobby the f*g lover.” He turns around and sees Andrew from his math class. “Always knew at least one of you would be a shirt lifter!”

Bobby tries to take a deep breath before he answers but Jon beats him to it. “I would really think people were clever enough to listen to lyrics, but you still find the poser ones at these concerts, especially since Dookie got Green Day so popular outside of the scene!” Bobby needed a few seconds to realise that Jon wasn’t even talking to Andrew but instead just talked about him to Bobby and the guy selling the merch.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that you fucking fairy!” Andrew sneers, stepping closer to Jon. As soon as Andrews anger is directed towards Jon and not Bobby anymore, the guitarists fight instinct kicks in.

“Fairy? Really?” he asks Andrew with a snigger in his voice, “Didn’t know we live in the 50s, Andrew. Learned all these terms from your daddy?” Bobby tries to make his voice sound as degrading as possible. For a second it seems like Andrew might shut up and leave but then Jon starts laughing loudly about Bobby’s comments and before anyone can react Andrew takes a swing and hits Jon right on the mouth. Without thinking, Bobby copies his action and the next thing he knows is that his hand hurts and Andrew has a red square on the side of his face. He glares at the guitarist and strikes again. This time the fist hits Bobby’s nose and he sees black stars in front of his eyes for a few seconds. After that, all hell is breaking loose and Bobby is being pushed around for what feels like a few minutes before he gets pulled aside and finds himself behind the selling booth with Jon by his side who has a busted lip that is still bleeding. Jon has a hand on the teen's shoulder and looks worried at him. “Fuck your nose does not look too good!” he says. Hearing the words Bobby brings his hand up to his nose and winces when he feels a sharp pain as soon as his fingers touch his nose. “Fuuuuuuuuck, Alex is going to kill me!” he groans at the thought of how the blond will react to seeing Bobby like this.

“Hey man, good punch you got on the dickhead there!” an excited voice states beside Bobby, which makes him turn his head probably a bit too quick, considering he just got punched in the face a few minutes before. But the guitarists' instincts were right: standing beside him was no other than Green Days’ singer, Billie Joe Armstrong. The blond (with fading blue in his hair) is smiling at Bobby and continues with “but I think mine was even better” while pointing at something behind Bobby, who turns around just in time to see security carrying a half-conscious Andrew out of the venue.

“You know that guy?”

“He goes to my school!” Bobby answers, still in awe looking after Andrew.

“Oh, you need to tell me about how he looks tomorrow, man I don’t miss high school but I’d love to go to school just to see that!” Billie Joe tells him and Jon, still sounding way too excited. When Bobby turns around again to look at the two musicians in front of him, he catches Jon telling Billie Joe that Bobby is part of the band they talked about the other day. Somehow getting even more excited by the news he fully turns back to Bobby. “Love that! We need more good people in this scene so we can make sure the music stays clean of dudes like that! Well, it was lovely punching homophobes with you Bobby, but I actually have a concert to play!”

And with that Billie Joe is gone through the door leading to the backstage area and Bobby looks at Jon hoping that he can find answers with him (like is he hallucinating?) but he just chuckles at the teenagers in awe face and takes the CD Bobby wanted to buy all along, as well as the money he had already paid and hands both back at the teen with the words “I think you paid enough for this already, thanks for sticking up for me!” And adding, when Bobby tries to give the money back again, “You better go so your bandmates don’t worry and you don’t miss the Green Day show!” Bobby thanks him and with a smile he makes his way back to the other boys while putting the money and the CD into his pockets.

When Alex finally sees Bobby come back to them, he feels relief washing over him. Alex always hates it when they split especially if one of them is on their own and Bobby has been gone for way too long. The first thing Alex notices is that Bobby doesn’t carry any beer or anything else that he could’ve brought from a bar, the second thing is that Bobby’s nose is bleeding. The easing relief is instantly replaced by worry as Alex's brain catches up with his eyes. As soon as the guitarist reaches them Alex starts searching his fanny pack for tissues and anything else that can help with a bloody nose, all while berating Bobby about getting into a fight. Reggie and Luke excitedly ask Bobby about it, but when their bleeding bandmate tries to tell them about what happened Alex just shushes him and gestures for him to look up so that he can take a better look at his nose. While Alex is still cleaning up Bobby’s face the crowd starts cheering and Alex turns around quickly to confirm his suspicion that the main act finally made it on stage. He keeps on cleaning his friends face from now slightly dried blood when he hears Billie Joe's voice over the speakers.

“Sorry guys, I know we’re late, but I had to punch a homophobe…” The rest of the sentence does not reach Alex’ brain as he looks at one of his best friends, whose nose was bleeding after obviously being punched and all he can hear is white noise, while the realisation, that Bobby being the homophobe who was just punched by Green Days’ singer, sets in. He feels a sharp sting in his chest all while feeling overwhelmed by fear, cold naked fear. And his thoughts race through his brain, too fast to actually make any sense, all he knows is that his worst nightmare seems to be coming true: the people he trusts the most will eventually leave him. They will hate him. They will think he is disgusting, and they will leave him. Unconsciously he takes a step back from Bobby, taking both his hands off his friends face but before he can totally spiral into his thoughts, he is caught by Bobby who holds the drummer by his wrists and looks at him like Alex offended him deeply.

“Seriously?” Bobby’s voice comes out sharper than he probably intended, softening his tone as he sees Alex flinch at him, “You actually think I am homophobic? Fuck Alex do you really think that poorly of me?” The guitarists' words and face are both filled with what Alex can only describe as hurt. Bobby attempts to say more but he is cut off by Billie Joe's voice coming over the speakers saying his name.

“A special thanks to Bobby from Sunset Curve! Make sure you check them out they’re a local band that’ll make it big one day, I’ll promise you! I swear, give them less than a year and they’ll be playing here on this very stage! Thanks, Bobby, for helping me punch a dickhead!” And with that they start into their first song, leaving the boys standing completely mind blown in the back, each one trying to comprehend what just happened. After a few seconds, Reggie, Luke and Alex all turn to Bobby with questioning faces, but Bobby concentrates on Alex’ face. “Do you believe me now?” When Alex nods the, still bleeding, guitarist feels relief wash over him. “Good! Because I already have your Christmas present and I literally know no one else who has the same taste that you have!” He actually manages to make Alex smile with his stupid comment, feeling like they might be okay again, he holds onto Alex’ sleeve, needing something to ground him, knowing that Alex is uncomfortable with public affection. He turns to Luke and Reggie who as soon as they have his attention try to bombard him with questions, but he stops them and promises to tell them later.

___

After the concert:

When they leave the venue, a wave of, for L.A. unusually cold air, hits Bobby’s face and clears his head a little, making it easier to think about everything that had happened. As he was the first one out of the four to step out in the cold air, he takes a deep breath before turning around to see the other three boys walk up to him. He notices that Alex pulls his jean jacket tighter around his body, clearly not enjoying the cold air as Bobby does. He smiles at Bobby and then follows Reg and Luke who started walking towards the side street where they parked the van before the concert. The two boys talk animatedly about the Green Days show, analysing every detail. Seeing one of their favourite bands live did distract the two enough for them to not ask any further questions, right now. Alex smile tells Bobby that the same did not count for the blonde boy. Bobby jogs up to Alex to walk beside him, but when he tries to initiate a conversation with his bandmate, the blonde just shakes his head and mumbles, that he has things to think, but as if to calm Bobby down, Alex takes his hand and squeezes it before they reach their van. The van they brought because they actually started to be able to book enough gigs to pay for it (and to actually need it), they all paid for it, even though they don’t talk about the fact that Bobby paid the biggest part, with him having the only parents who actually support the band.

Bobby is driving, with Alex in the passenger seat lost in his thoughts and Luke and Reggie in the back, trying to get Bobby to finally tell them about what happened at the venue. The guitarist promises to tell them as soon as they arrive at the garage, but despite the impatience from Luke and Reggie to find out about everything they still have a quick stop at a small diner on their way home to get their after-concert food.

Alex, Reggie and Luke all go straight for the couch while bobby prefers sitting on the floor, facing them. For a few seconds they all munch happily but soon Luke starts bugging Bobby about what happened at the club, so he puts his sandwich aside and takes a short breath. He doesn’t know where to start, he kind of wants Alex to know that he got the CD for him, but he doesn’t want to put any pressure on Alex, nor does he want the other two to find out about Alex liking boys before Alex wants them to.

“So,” Bobby starts, “we all really liked Pansy Division, right?” he asks with a nervous laugh tinting his words. He looks at the three boys on the couch for confirmation and gets it from two of the boys while Alex looks like he gets scared by the simple indication that he might have really liked the queer band they all saw tonight. Bobby acts like he didn’t see it while deciding, that he won’t tell the blond that Jon was hitting on him. That might be a bit much information for one night. “Well, I thought,” he continues while pulling out the CD he brought earlier “I’ll get us their CD.” He waves the CD then places it on the table in front of the couch so the guys can look at it.

“And that’s where I met one of the band members, Jon, he is the singer.” He looks up at his friends who all stare at him with a mixture of shock and curiosity on their faces, even Alex nervousness seems replaced. ‘I didn’t even get to the really shocking parts yet’, Bobby thought to himself.

“Okay, so we got talking, he found out I play in a band and when he asks for a name to use to sign the CD I just said Sunset Curve, because we always share records, like I mean I don’t even know who owns what anymore!” Luke looks dead serious while nodding his head, Alex starts smiling slightly and Reggie looks like he is trying really hard to separate their shared music collection in his head.

“Anyway, it turns out he saw one of our shows earlier this year and apparently, he was talking about one of our songs with Mike, but before you get too excited, I couldn’t ask him about it because that dick Andrew from my math class interrupted us. He called me a – eh, never mind” he stops himself, giving Alex a short glance – “he started calling me and Jon names and I kind of started making fun of him for using really outdated terms and when Jon laughed about that, Andrew hit him and then I hit Andrew and he hit me back and suddenly everything got crazy. Next thing I know is that I am behind the merch booth with Jon and Billie Joe Armstrong, and Andrew is being carried outside by security.” He tries to rush the words out fast enough so that Luke doesn’t stop him because of the band being recognised and Alex doesn’t stop him because he hit someone.

“And then Billie Joe finds out I am in Sunset Curve and he says something about it being good that more good people will keep the scene going or something and then he pretty much left to play the show and Jon gave me the CD and I went back to you guys so you wouldn’t worry too much.” When he finally finishes his story, he is staring at three really shocked looking faces.

“Mike Dirnt and Billie Joe both know of Sunset Curve?”

“Who knew Bobby is such a badass!”

“You hit Andrew?”

All three started talking at the same time, but then Alex stands up and he looks real mad and everyone else shuts up. Bobby looks at him. “Alex, I didn’t plan to, it just happened. I got so mad when he started calling Jon these awful names and when he hit him, I just snapped.”

“What about our no fighting rule, huh?”

“So, when someone is being super homophobic, I am just supposed to do nothing?”

At that moment Bobby realises that Alex didn’t process until now that Andrew was using homophobic slurs against Bobby and Jon. He sees Alex anger vanish from him in mere seconds, replaced by fear and sadness settling in his eyes. Lips pressed into a thin line Alex sits down on the couch again. It breaks Bobby’s heart to see his friend like this. They all stay silent for a while.

“What did he say?” Alex asks with a voice so quiet Bobby almost misses it.

“Alex,” he sighs, “I am pretty sure you don’t want to know!”

With that Alex's eyes, which were glued to his hands before, snap up and meet Bobby’s. “You know, don’t you?” Alex asks Bobby, seemingly completely forgetting that the other boys are in the room.

Bobby does not know what to answer, not wanting to make Alex come out because he feels like he has to, or because Bobby figured it out already. “I only know what you want me to know, everything else is just a hunch.” He finally settles on.

Alex laughs. “So, you definitely know, and I actually thought I was being subtle.”

“I still love you, you know that, right?” Bobby just needs Alex to know that. Even if this is a weird one, Bobby wants this to be the reaction Alex gets for his first coming out.

It takes Alex a few seconds but finally, he looks up again, searching Bobby’s face for any trace of him lying. As Alex realises that the boy in front of him means what he said he feels like the biggest wave of relief washes over him. This, black-haired, awkward and quiet boy in front of him, who buys CD’s from queer bands, punches one of his classmates because he was being a homophobic bigot to a complete stranger and whose first reaction to Alex half-assed coming out is to tell him that he still loves him. This boy, who is so uncomfortable with most people touching him, who still wants to hold all of their hands all the time, calling them grounding. This boy, who would probably punch more people to protect them because he gets crazy protective about the people he cares about. And suddenly it’s difficult not to start crying and Alex feels like his voice will break if he tries to talk so he just nods.

And in that second, knowing he has Bobby on his side for this, he decides that he wants them all to know. So, he gets up from the couch and “gets on the runway” as Luke likes to call Alex’ nervous walking occasionally. After walking up and down three times, he suddenly stops, turns to Luke and Reg who look super confused by what is happening and he blurts out “Iamgay” so fast that there was no way that any of the guys could’ve understood a single word. So, he takes a deep breath and repeats: “I am gay” while standing there, eyes closed, and breath held.

“Oh, that…” Luke starts, but he gets interrupted by Reggie who says: “That makes so much sense, that is why you were staring at Brian so much last year! That really confused me, man!”

“I was... I was not staring at Brian Denver!” Alex sputters embarrassment creeping in his cheeks.

“You totally were, you even knew who Reg was talking about right away!” Luke laughs and gets up to pull Alex in a big hug, squeezing him tight. Reggie gets a hold of them and pulls them down on the couch where he squeezes between them, and wooshes through Alex’ hair affectionately. Alex, now half sitting on the couch and half lying on Reggie looks up to Bobby, who stands awkwardly in front of the couch. As the other two notice Bobby as well they all kind of freeze in their cuddle pile. Even as Bobby was more comfortable touching his bandmates than he was with touching his parents, or literally anyone else, he still never expressed any interest in being part of a cuddle pile before. Seeing how all of his friends stopped as he approached, the guitarist started taking a step back, but Alex stopped him by holding out his hand for Bobby to take. It takes him a few seconds but finally, he lets himself being pulled on top of Alex into the cuddle pile and even though it feels strange at first he likes the feeling of Alex’ soft t-shirt under his cheek, Reggie’s arm around his waist and the smell of Luke’s cologne.

Later that night Bobby snatches a picture of his best friends still cuddling on the couch hours later, now all fast asleep. He hasn’t shown that picture to anyone except for his daughter when she finds out about the band 25 years later and he decides to tell her about the loves of his life, even if most people wouldn’t recognise them as it since it was purely platonic love. And even though he got married, he never loved anyone as much, with the exception of his daughter, as he loved the three boys who left him when he was just 17 years old.

The next day Bobby snatches a picture of Andrews black eye. He shows that picture to Billie Joe, backstage at an event he attempts without his best friends after the man recognises him as the kid with whom he punched a homophobe. After that Bobby leaves the event early, not being able to hold up the image of Trevor, too consumed by grieve and guilt. Guilt over not being able to protect them. Guilt over not dying with them. Guilt over using their songs.

#julie and the phantoms #sunset curve #fantoms #jatp #alex mercer #bobby/trevor wilson #this is a bobby friendly blog #green day #sunset curve loves green day #that should be canon #reggie peters #luke patterson #friendship fanfic #julie and the phantoms before canon #before canon #set in the 90s #dookie tour #idk if i am missing hashtags

[spencerspecifics]

What about a moried fluffy fic based on You Belong With Me by: Taylor Swift

You have no clue how much I absolutely love this song prompt thank u anon moreid is my shit here we go. (It is fluffy but it’s angsty in the beginning so yeah stay for the fluff thanks.) And I’m so sorry this took so long to get up! I took some time off from writing bc of lots of factors.

Lowkey TW?? Slight homophobia Bc Derek’s gf thinks he’s “too gay” even tho he’s just bi Also, song lyrics are in bold lettering. They’re going to be part the story here and there to help plot and whatnot so yeah!

———————————————————————

You Belong With Me

———————————————————————

Spencer had a problem. Namely a person problem. A Derek Morgan problem. Spencer didn’t hate Derek, quite the opposite, actually. Spencer was crushing hard on the man. And he couldn’t do anything. Spencer would rather lose his right hand then tell Derek how he felt about him, he couldn’t risk their friendship over his stupid little crush.

But just because he hid his feelings, ignored them through hell and high water- it didn’t mean they weren’t real, or weren’t there. They were both very real and apparent. Every time Derek called him ‘pretty boy’ or ‘genius’ or ‘handsome’, every time Derek wrapped his arm around him casually or did small things to showed him he cared, caused Spencer to blush and go speechless. Spencer was smart, but how to react to someone you’re infatuated with giving you attention, he’d never be able to solve that.

Time and time again, though, he found himself in situations where it was just him and Derek- and everything in his brain and body would scream at him to tell him how much he liked him, tell him how they should be together. It just made sense, after all.

Long paragraph short, here are the four times Spencer felt like they belonged together, and the one time Derek realized they do belong together.

~

“...You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset. She’s goin’ off about something that you said, ‘cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do...”

~

Spencer hung out with Derek a lot, it was just by default. He wasn’t a social individual, but he pack bonded with the team. Spencer saw everyone there as his friends, so yeah, he hung out with Derek. They would go do things together, grab lunch, get coffee, meet up to go shopping. Painfully mundane tasks that were so domestic it could cause spencer another migraine if he thought about it for long enough.

It was on one of these mundane days when problems slowly arose. They were in the mall, sat in the food court. Spencer was looking over a new book he had just bought, it was a thick book on physics, it would probably take him a day or two at most to read it, his tray of food in front of him was still mostly untouched.

Unlike Spencer, Derek was eating. Though it was greasy mall pizza, it was still food. Derek decided he’d run a few extra miles to work it off as some sort of consequence for his action.

They sat in silence, Spencer already flipping through pages quickly, mouthing the words he was reading over to himself; and Derek chewing silently as he watched the genius in front of him.

That was, until, Derek’s phone rang. Breaking the ambiance that had surrounded the two. Spencer didn’t look up, he was too invested in the book in front of him. Derek reacted, though, wiping his hands off on a napkin before grabbing his cell phone out of his back pocket. He looked over the caller ID, it was Melissa.

Melissa was his newest fling, Spencer had heard bits and pieces of Garcia and Derek’s conversation surrounding the topic, but he knew the bare minimum- deciding best to not involve himself with how his crushes romantic life was soaring- meanwhile his was crashing.

Spencer didn’t know it was Melissa though, not until Derek pulled the phone up to his ear and said; “Hey, Melissa!”

If anyone on their team was with them and watching Spencer, they would have noticed the way his eyes looked off the book for a moment, up at Derek, before immediately turning back down; to reread the same page he didn’t need to reread because he could just go back into his memory to figure out what the words on the paper meant to say. But he had to reread the page. The strongest memory in the whole universe couldn’t tell him what was on the page in front of him, he was distracted.

Melissa on the other line started speaking. Derek listened before responding; “Oh, not much, Y’know- just at the mall with the doc.”

Spencer kept himself staring down at the book in front of him, even though he could feel the blush rising up to his ears. It was stupid that made him blush like a schoolgirl. But he couldn’t help it. So instead, he hid in the pages about quantum mechanics. Something real, something not confusing. Something that was pure and basic and understanding.

“No-“ Derek chuckled, “No, pretty boy ain’t that type of doctor,” god, this was going to be the death of Spencer. Pretty boy always was something that made him melt. He couldn’t help it, god knows he tried. He did all the distraction techniques he could find. None of them really worked.

Spencer opted to hide in his book more, act like he wasn’t listening to Derek. Even though he was. He was always hooked on every last word the man spoke, it always mattered. This was just a hopeless effort, Spencer realized, as he sunk down in the uncomfortable plastic chair.

“Now, what on earth are you- hey, baby- beautiful, what are you-“ Derek started, sounding concerned.

Spencer couldn’t help it at this point, he looked up over the top of the book. Derek was looking at his phone in bewilderment. It was no longer up to his ear.

“...Everything okay?” Spencer asked curiously after a moment. Derek just sighed setting his phone down on the table next to his food tray. “I don’t even know, man. I called you pretty boy and that made Melissa flip- she was all like ‘who’s pretty boy? We discussed you being bisexual already, you better not be changing up on me’. Then she hung up.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Spencer replied, book still up between him and Morgan. “Yeah, I’m confused. It was a joke.” Derek explained to Reid, as if Spencer was ever owed an explanation regarding this.

“She must be insecure.” Spencer theorized plain and simple. Derek watched him curiously instead of asking anything to lead him on, “If she gets the idea that we’re a thing- just based on a nickname, then she’s gonna hate you and Garcia. You don’t need someone like that.”

Derek sighed, “You’re right. But I really thought she was great.” “Maybe she is,” Spencer shrugged, “I don’t know her. You do. All I’m saying is, she won’t like you and Garcia if she didn’t like my nickname.”

That elicited a chuckle from Derek, a sound Spencer always cherished in hearing. “Yeah, I can’t have someone hating my favorite boy wonder,” once again, Spencer could feel the blush coming onto his face. He was just hoping the lighting inside the mall food court didn’t make it all too obvious. “I’ll talk to her about it.” Derek decided. Spencer just nodded, not entirely wanting to talk right now.

“Yeah.. um, do what’s best.” Spencer agreed blandly. He wasn’t sure what else to say. And wasn’t this just laughable? Giving his crush dating advice? Spencer wasn’t stupid, but he was in this scenario.

“Yeah, I will. Anyways,” Derek continued the conversation casually, reaching out covering Spencer’s book with his hand. “What are you-“ Spencer started, confused. “Taking away your book. Eat before your food gets cold.” Derek spoke plainly, as if this was so obvious. He pulled Spencer’s book out of his grasp, setting it down next to himself; before pushing Spencer’s untouched tray of food in front of him.

“I’m not very-“ Spencer started, already trying to reach back for his book. Derek just shook his head, pulling the book closer to him. “Nuh-uh, not today. Not today. You’re eating. No if’s, and’s, or but’s.”

Spencer sunk down in his seat a little as he finally caved, agreeing and eating the mall food. Granted, it wasn’t great, but it was food, and he did need to eat. Last thing he had eaten that day was a granola bar for breakfast, and Derek knew that he forgot to eat.

He ate in silence as Derek watched him, before moving his gaze to casually watch the other mall patrons. It was so entirely stupid and domestic of them. It was nothing special, it wasn’t even that good of a memory. But for some reason, Spencer knew that was the first time he felt something new towards Derek. More new than just his crush. It was a new, overwhelming feeling of “I wouldn’t treat you that way” “I wouldn’t care if you called someone babygirl” “I would be better for you” before finally, his mind landed on, “you belong with someone who wouldn’t judge. Someone like me. You belong with me.”

That’s when Spencer knew he was fucked, more so than before.

~

“...I’m in the room, it’s a typical Tuesday night. I’m listening to the type of music she doesn’t like. And she’ll never know your story like I do...”

~

The second time was at Spencer’s apartment. He had complained about his bookshelf not being stable enough to hold all his books, and Derek had practically invited himself over; “C’mon, Reid. It’ll be good. Get some quality time without the ladies, we can order Chinese, plus I can show you how to fix your shelf so you don’t have to ask for help next time.”

So yeah, now they had gone directly from work to Spencer’s apartment- the only pit stop being to Derek’s house to pick up his toolbox, as Spencer didn’t have one.

Spencer wished he wasn’t such a pushover, because damnit, now he was gonna be in his apartment with Derek. That didn’t seem like a problem to anyone else, obviously- because they weren’t crushing hard on the guy. So Spencer just had to stand there and hide how much he liked Derek, and how at home Derek made his apartment feel- because it felt better with him there. He belonged there.

Spencer ignored his thoughts as they got into his apartment, he led Derek over to the problematic bookshelf in question. Some of the books had toppled off the shelves, and were on the ground below. “Damn, Reid, you don’t mess around with all these books.” Derek joked lightly as he looked over the immense amount of books Spencer had shoved onto the shelf; Derek squatted down, lowering the tool kit next to him as he started taking books off the shelves one by one so he could further inspect what was wrong with it.

Spencer protested, not understanding Derek was joking, “It’s not my fault- the bookshelf is supposed to hold books, if it can’t do what’s promised then that’s on the manufacturers error.”

Derek just chuckled slowly in response before replying, still pulling books off the shelves “Don’t worry, pretty boy, we’ll get this sorted out for you, alright? Just get some music on so we got something to hang to.” Derek wasn’t looking at Spencer, thank god- or he’d see how the genius got so flustered so quickly, how quickly a blush spread across his face, and how he immediately looked away from him, to the walls, the floor. To look at anything but Derek.

“Yes- right. Music.” Spencer changed his focus, he couldn’t think about how good it felt to be called a pet name by Derek. He couldn’t let himself think about it, or else he’d never stop. So he busied himself with getting some music to play through the quiet apartment, he turned over to his old radio that was sat on his study desk, it was a loud radio, that’s why he got it. It was compact, but if he put it in the bathroom he could hear it from the kitchen. It was the perfect device for him.

Spencer turned the radio on, the channel he always listened to was already tuned in, so he left it that way. Soft instrumental music started flowing out of the speakers, Derek stopped his motion of putting books down to turn and look at Spencer semi-curiously; “What’s this music?” “Classical.” Spencer replied easily, looking down at the radio as he messed with the volume dial that always seemed to be loose. “It’s on 88.1, they play strictly instrumental and classical pieces. It’s nice.”

Derek didn’t respond, Spencer didn’t need him to respond. It was an inconsequential conversation about music. If Derek didn’t like the station, he was more than welcome to change it to another. But he didn’t, it was Spencer’s apartment, and the soft classical music playing just seemed fitting to play there. Plus Derek just wanted the music as a background sound to help him focus, it wasn’t really important what it was- just that there was music playing.

Spencer went off to the kitchen to find the menu he had saved from the local Chinese restaurant that does deliveries, meanwhile Derek continued pulling books off the shelves. Melissa would hate him for being here, ever since the call at the mall, she was convinced Derek was going to leave her for him- or for another guy. She thought he was “too gay” to stay with her, obviously that’s not how him or his bisexuality works. But Melissa didn’t see it that way.

God, everything Derek saw, Melissa saw differently, it was ironic he was even with her. He saw Penelope Garcia as his best female friend, his babygirl. Melissa saw her as a threat, they had a whole argument about it. Melissa had finally stopped seeing Garcia as a threat when he told her that Garcia was wrapped up in Kevin drama. He wanted to tell Garcia about all of this, but he knew that if he did she would immediately tell him to dump her. Anyone that came between their friendship wasn’t allowed, and that wasn’t a rule Garcia had made up, it was more of an understanding they had come to about their dynamic as friends.

Derek just hadn’t dumped her yet out of fear. This was his first significant other in so long, it felt like a failure to start something and end it. He wanted to fix it. Though he knew it was unlikely he could, he still wanted to try.

Derek kept thinking as he finished pulling the books off until there were none left, he then pulled on the board of the shelf to see how unstable it was, all while continuing to think. He thought about Melissa, but none of it was really positive. It was all what she would hate about him being here, other than the obvious of being with Spencer (which she already disliked. She hated the genius and she hadn’t ever spoken to him, which Derek didn’t think was rational at all.) She would hate how Spencer’s apartment was, the green walls and shelves of books, the lack of a television, the soft glow from the lamps. Derek found every single last one of these qualities endearing, it helped show who Spencer was as a whole. Melissa would see it as a problem.

She’d say green was a gross color, that Spencer needed to be aware of pop culture and get a television, she’d say that Spencer didn’t get out enough and he lived like a hermit; she’d say the lighting was weird and dark, instead of soft and calming.

Derek let out a sigh, deciding to abandon his thoughts as a whole, because they were just starting to irritate him. Spencer was great the way he was, Melissa was being problematic; and him and her really needed couples counseling or something. That was the decision he landed on as he gave his full attention to the wiggly boards in Spencer’s bookshelf.

Derek pulled on the shelf again to test it’s strength. It was loose, pretty close to just falling down altogether. It was good he was here to fix it, Derek concluded, as he reached for the screwdriver in his toolkit.

~

The night continued on, Derek went through part by part, working on fixing Spencer’s bookshelf; meanwhile Spencer had ordered them dinner from the local Chinese place. Reid had thought about setting up the dinner at his kitchen table, before immediately regretting that idea. This was casual, it wasn’t some type of sit down dinner with Derek. That’s the last thing he needed, Spencer decided, as he walked over to Derek and handed him the carton of beef broccoli and a pair of chopsticks to go with.

Derek took them and put them down next to himself quickly, before pivoting into a sitting position on the floor and turning himself away from the bookshelf, facing exactly to the dinner table- which is where Spencer had opted to sit at, alone.

“What’re you doing all the way over there?” Derek’s spoke out to him. Spencer tried to be casual, “All my stuff’s over here, and it’s not that far from you,” he shrugged, hoping Derek wouldn’t go any deeper. But of course, he did. “And I’m over here, so bring your stuff my way- you’re gonna make your repairman eat sitting on the floor alone? That’s cold, man.”

Spencer rolled his eyes as he picked up his carton of orange chicken and rice, “Okay, I’m here.” He tried to sound like he was annoyed, instead of stupidly simultaneously happy and unhappy with derek’s request (happy because his stupid crush on Derek, unhappy because of the same, unfortunate reason).

He made his way over to Morgan, sitting down across from him and using the back of his couch as a makeshift chair prop to lean against. He opened up his food, as Derek was now satisfied with this series of events and had gone back to paying attention to his beef broccoli. Spencer picked up his fork, ready to eat and just ignore how he was feeling, when Derek spoke up again; “Seriously- you still don’t know how to use chopsticks?”

Suddenly, Spencer was giving Derek a glare that had no malice, while Derek just chuckled at Spencer’s fury. “I’m tellin’ you. You need to learn how to use chopsticks.” “It’s fine.” Spencer argued weakly, “No way, if suddenly all the forks, knives, and spoons vanished, you’d have to eat with chopsticks.”

“Not true if sporks are still a thing.” Spencer pointed out, “I’m gonna smack you.” Derek replied, now it was Spencer’s turn to laugh.

~

“...But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts, she’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers. Dreaming ‘bout the day when you wake up and find. That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time...”

~

The third time was when Spencer had resigned, accepting his feelings for what they were. He was now simply playing the waiting game, of waiting his crush out- because god knows he can’t go on like this forever. He hated how things have changed from a small crush into a serious never ending stream of thoughts he had whenever he was with Derek, but that’s how it was for him now.

He had ways to keep himself in check, though. As he always did. One was re-reading long old stories to himself from memory. It usually worked pretty well, and it was a good way to just pass the time in general.

Except for one, especially horrid time, when the FBI baseball team had a game against the CIA’s.

Spencer wasn’t playing, thank god for that. He wasn’t good at sports, though that one time he played baseball with Derek earlier in the season was a great memory he loved to go back to and remember. But that was a fluke, and he knew if he played again it wouldn’t go nearly as well.

Since he wasn’t playing, him and the rest of the team had come along to bring Morgan moral support from the sidelines of the bleachers. What Spencer hadn’t expected was Melissa showing up, too.

~

She showed up at the same time the team did to the field, they set up on the bleachers with some blankets and a basket full of snacks (courtesy of one Penelope Garcia.) and then she was suddenly walking over, surprising the team.

“Hi- um, are you Garcia? Is this the area for the BAU?” She asked, she had shoulder length brown hair, hazel eyes, and was wearing a flowy pink and yellow sundress. She was pretty, borderline beautiful, there was no denying that.

Spencer decided to start re-reading the books in his head by that point. He could already guess it was Melissa, as Rossi wouldn’t have invited a woman to this event until at least the ninth or eighth date (though with Rossi, Spencer never really knew how he operated in terms of dating, and he had no desire to know). Spencer also knew she wasn’t Hotch’s, as Hotch was too focused on Jack and the team to even consider dating.

Emily was single, and definitely would not invite a guy (or girl) to this either. J.J. was happy with Will, and Penelope had the on and off thing with Kevin. So yeah, Spencer deduced easily that this beautiful mysterious woman was Melissa.

The fact Derek invited Melissa rubbed Spencer the wrong way. But it wasn’t his business, he reminded himself, as he did his best to start focusing in on pride and prejudice in his mind.

Garcia began welcoming Melissa, even though it wasn’t necessary; “It is! And I am! Hi! Are you Melissa? Derek told me you were coming!”

Spencer did his best to not focus on Melissa, skipping forward a few chapters into pride of prejudice in his mind, to keep himself focused. He got pulled from his book though, as Melissa introduced herself and Garcia started introducing the team back;

“Well, grandpa over there is David Rossi,” “Easy, or else you won’t get those extra vacation days I offered you.” Rossi replied simply as hell, reaching for a bag of chips from the basket. “Fine- that esteemed gentleman right there is David Rossi.” “Better.” Rossi responded, a small grin showing across his face. Melissa laughed softly with Garcia and Rossi for a moment before Penelope continued on;

“That’s Aaron Hotchner, and his son Jack.” Garcia pointed them out, Jack was playing on his Nintendo DS, only looking up to wave briefly as Hotch reached over to shake Melissa’s hand. “Nice to meet you.” “You too.” She smiled at him.

“Those two lovely ladies are Jennifer Jareau and Emily Prentiss, plus Jennifer’s hubby Will and their adorable son Henry,” they all shook hands with Melissa, and J.J. briefly told her that it wasn’t necessary to call her “Jennifer” but instead “J.J.” as that was the name she was most used to.

“Then, we got Doctor beautiful brain, Spencer Reid.” Spencer looked up, giving Melissa a small wave, finally looking her head on. He had seen her, sure, but he hadn’t made eye contact with her until right now. And damn, she looked wild behind the eyes. And not in a good way. She was perky, seemingly almost as positive as Penelope. But that positivity didn’t reach her eyes. She looked Spencer up and down, and there was something deep in her gaze that made him want to get up and walk to the CIA side of the bleachers. It was clear he was going to have to walk on eggshells around her, and he wished he knew why.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Spencer offered up as a greeting, “You too,” Melissa replied, smiling as she turned on her polite charm again. It was only in her eyes he could see her distaste towards him. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

~

Melissa settled down, sitting next to the rest of the team as they waited for the game to start. She was thankfully seated near Emily, J.J., and Garcia. So Spencer and her’s conversation was limited.

That was until, he was brought up in conversation; “Oh geez- one of the funniest things was when Spence and Morgan got stuck in that elevator together,” J.J. recounted, causing all four of them to laugh; meanwhile Spencer didn’t react. He was still deep in his mind reading, and though he heard his name called, it didn’t cause him to want to stop.

“Yeah- I heard about that from Derek, he said Spencer spouted off some fact about people and elevator deaths because he was scared.” Melissa turned to Spencer as she spoke, giving him an in to speak. Spencer didn’t realize she had even turned to him, as he was fully focusing his brain power on the pages of the book he had read over before.

“Uh.. what’s he doing?” Melissa asked in a hushed voice to J.J., “Oh- he’s just reading. Spencer, hey.” J.J. said, leaning over and tapping his shoulder, finally catching his attention; causing him to open his eyes.

“Sorry- what?” Spencer finally spoke, as he was fully there and listening to them now, instead of somewhat ignoring them and focusing on a memory of a book.

“..J.J. said you were reading?” Melissa asked curiously, obviously confused. Spencer nodded, “Yes. I was. I have an eidetic memory so I can look back at anything I’ve ever read. So sometimes I go back and read books I’ve read before.” Spencer explained awkwardly, “I do it to, uh, pass the time.”

“Hm.. that’s.. that’s cool. Derek mentioned you were smart, recounting lots of facts.” Melissa said slowly, it seemed like she was trying to gain some sort of edge in the conversation, but thankfully Emily butted in casually- not realizing the odd atmosphere that was slowly building.

“Oh yeah- Reid’s always doing that. Talk to him on Halloween and all he talks about is how paganism played a major role in the now very American, very non-pagan holiday.” The girls laughed on innocently as Melissa gained a serious look in her eye again.

“You know everything?” She asked him, “No.” he replied, he was self assured in this field, he knew how to handle himself when people were doubting his intelligence level. “I just know a lot.” He clarified.

Melissa looked like she was ready to speak, say something to him- he had no clue if it would be good or bad. But everyone’s attention got redirected on the whooping sounds both teams made as they entered the field. The game was starting.

~

Spencer had stayed focused on the game, even running statistics and probabilities in his head on who would come out victorious. Rossi made a joke they should bet on the game like people do on horses, and he’d just cheat and use Reid to make sure he won.

The rest of the team didn’t go for that, as they would employ the same strategy as Rossi, and Spencer was smart enough to give them all the wrong answers so he would actually win.

It was now the third inning, J.J. had gone with Hotchner and Will to take a short walk with the kids, as they were getting bored in their seats. Rossi went off to flirt it up with the older woman who was running the concessions stand, and Emily and Garcia had gone off to the bathroom together.

Now it was just Melissa and Reid alone, and Reid didn’t like her company. He didn’t mean it in a rude way, but also maybe he did- for his very stupid and very personal reason that she was actively dating his crush. But besides that reason, she seemed off, and on a team of behavioral analysts, he couldn’t be the only one who noticed.

There was something wrong with her, but Spencer couldn’t place his finger on what. That was, until, she sat down next to him on the bleachers. “So,” she started casually, “what’re you reading up there?” “Pride and Prejudice.. have you read it?” Spencer replied, doing his best to make polite conversation.

Melissa shook her head, “No, way too long of a book for me.” Spencer just nodded, an “Ah” sound escaping his lips before their conversation entirely diminished as they sat in silence, watching the CIA’s team line up for batting.

Derek was on second base, and while he waited for the CIA team to finish lining up, he turned to the only two people still on the bleachers and waved. Melissa waved in response excitedly, “Go Derek!” She shouted for good measure, Reid on the other hand just gave a small wave to him.

Their personalities were very different, Spencer gathered.

“Derek helped you with a bookshelf the other week, right?” Melissa asked after silence had settled over them, and Reid had almost returned to his brain book. Her question stopped him from reading, though.

Spencer nodded, “Uh, yeah. He helped fix my bookshelf, the boards were all wobbly and books couldn’t stay on.” Melissa hummed in response for a moment, before looking back out to the field. Derek was now busy talking to a teammate, a guy Spencer recognized from the terrorist division.

“Look, Spencer,” Melissa finally spoke again, letting out a sigh before she continued on; “We both know Derek is an attractive man, a great man. But he’s my man. I don’t need you confusing him and making him switch sides- believe me, I want to think that you two are just the best of friends and that’s it. But I don’t believe it, not for a second, especially not after hearing how he talks about you, and finally meeting you.”

Spencer stayed quiet, not looking at Melissa, instead opting to stare at his hands, that were now firmly clasped together as he took in what she was saying. “We are just friends, though..” Spencer finally spoke up in a weak defense for himself. Melissa just chuckled, their pleasant conversation had somehow turned to her speaking to him in a sickly sweet malicious tone.

“I don’t think you are. I think there’s something more, and I don’t want things to go any further- with either of you.”

Spencer stayed quiet again, seriously considering exiting the bleachers and getting a cab (as the team had carpooled over to this event together.) and just leaving, going back to his apartment and faking the stomach flu for a day and a half. It seemed so appealing to just disappear right now.

Melissa continued on after she realized Spencer wasn’t going to say anything. “I’m not trying to be the bad guy here, Spencer. You seem very kind, and smart. You told me earlier you don’t know everything, but you know a lot,”

Spencer nodded, that was true, he had said that, she kept going; “I hope you now know where your place is. Away from Derek. And I hope you know you aren’t alone with me talking to you, I would be telling Penelope Garcia the same exact thing, except she has a boyfriend, Kevin. Derek told me. So you’re the only single one who poses a problem. I hope we can be friends- but you need to back up.”

And that was all, she got up and moved away, and just in time as Emily and Garcia made their reappearance from the bathroom and onto the bleachers.

Spencer stayed frozen, however. Not really sure what he could say or do. All he knew now is that he had a very good reason to dislike Melissa. And he did, as much as he hated to admit it. He disliked Melissa, he wanted her gone. He didn’t want her and Derek together.

He was now only more sure that he would treat Derek better, he wouldn’t go around threatening his friends- he couldn’t even imagine that as something he would ever want to do.

Spencer stayed, shrunken on the bleachers as he watched the team play, staying quiet and reserved while Melissa and the rest of the team cheered.

Spencer just hoped Derek figured out that Melissa wasn’t good for him sooner than later, or else he’d never get out of the relationship scratch-free.

~

“Walkin’ the streets with you and your worn out jeans. I can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be. Laughin’ on the park bench thinking to myself, ‘hey isn’t this easy?’. And you got a smile that could light up this whole town. I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down. You say you’re fine I know you better than that. Hey, whatcha doing with a girl like that?”

~

Since Spencer’s unfortunate encounter with Melissa, he had done his best to steer clear of Derek. Only being with him when necessary (and they were only really together for work, though for the few latest times that Derek’s invited him out to get food or see a movie, Spencer’s declined).

Derek had subtly caught notice, wondering why Reid had been declining his invitations. At first he thought it was because Reid was busy, he was somehow also getting a bachelors degree in philosophy at the moment, it made since if he had limited free time.

But then he did more thinking, and even if reid was busy- he always made time for Derek. Morgan knew that for a fact, because every time he needed help (work related or not) Spencer was there, and ready to assist. Even if Reid was studying, the kid read so fast he only needed to read something once to remember everything. So it didn’t make sense. Not at all. Spencer was avoiding him.

So why? Derek now had to get alone with Reid, he needed to see what this was about.

~

And Derek got his chance, after solving a case in the sleepy city within Maine, called Rangeley. The teams plane was having a malfunction issue with a part of the engine, so they were stuck there for an extra day. Unfortunate for everyone else, but a blessing in disguise for Derek. It was the perfect time for the team to hang together, maybe get some meals or see a movie. But Derek set up a plan.

~

Morgan knocked on Spencer’s door the morning they had nothing to do, with his plan already getting set in motion. This was step one, of many.

Reid responded in his own special fashion, opening the door a crack to look out at Derek and into the hall, his hair looked messy, he was still slightly bleary eyed- and he was still in his pajamas and mismatched socks. He had just woken up.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Derek asked, he didn’t want to start this morning off on Reid being rudely awoken. Reid nodded as he opened the door more, stepping forward the slightest bit. “Yeah, but it’s okay. What’s going on?” Reid was already aware of the plane situation, the whole team had been told last night, which forced Derek into making this last minute plan.

“Nothing- the team doesn’t have anything to do. Wanna go get breakfast?” Derek asked, trying to phrase his words and himself casually. He didn’t want Reid to get suspicious and back out. He just wanted answers from his best friend, that’s all.

Spencer rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before responding. “Okay, yeah. Let me go get changed.”

~

They arrived at an Ihop. It wasn’t anything special, but it was the nearest breakfast place to the hotel, so it worked for them. They were greeted by a hostess who showed them to a booth.

Spencer didn’t know why he agreed this this, he shouldn’t have. But in his half-awake and still somehow sleep deprived mind, breakfast seemed like a good idea. A great idea, in fact. But he now was anxious again. He didn’t want to deal with Melissa, call him scared, nonconfrontational, weak- whatever. He just didn’t want to have to deal with her. He enjoyed hanging out with Derek, but he knew if he did then it would be inevitable that he would end up facing her wrath again.

Almost immediately after the hostess showed them to their booth, their waiter appeared to take their orders. “Goodmorning, what can I get started for you two?” The older gentleman, whose name tag simply read “John” asked them.

“Just some coffee, please.” Derek ordered for the both of them. He knew what Spencer would want to order, and he also knew how bad Spencer was at conversing with people he wasn’t familiar enough with. John just nodded, saying a quick; “Comin’ right up!” Before walking off to leave them alone.

“Is the rest of the team coming?” Spencer asked as he stifled a yawn with his hand. Derek shook his head, “No, they all wanted to sleep in. Lucky I dragged you out of bed, though.” He joked, hoping to lighten the mood in the room. Spencer just smiled sheepishly for a moment before looking back down at the table.

They stayed quiet, which wasn’t unusual for the two, especially considering they were both still tired. But Derek didn’t want there to be silence, he wanted to talk about what was going on. “Reid-“ he started, but before he could continue his sentence, John was standing by the table with a pot of coffee. Derek and Spencer both wordlessly pushed their mugs over towards John, watching him fill them up with coffee in silence.

John finished pouring and stepped back, “I’ll give you folks some more time before ordering.” Derek just nodded at him, “That would be great, thank you.” And with that, their waiter was gone.

Reid was now focused on his mug of coffee, grabbing some sugar packets from the container on the table and ripping one open after another, before finally pouring it into his coffee. “How many sugars you plan on putting in there?” “Two.” “You’re already ripping open a third packet, Reid.”

“Oh.” Was all he said in response, Derek sighed, Spencer wasn’t acting right; he hadn’t for a while but this morning was peak Reid-being-weird, so Derek needed to take a stronger approach; “Reid. What’s wrong?”

“Hm? Nothing’s wrong.” Spencer said all too quickly to be believable. Derek rolled his eyes, watching the tired genius grab a spoon and stir his coffee with an intensity he never normally used. “That doesn’t work on me, man. We’re all profilers. I know when something’s up.” Spencer stayed quiet, still stirring his coffee with the spoon.

Reid didn’t want to be in this situation. He knew he should’ve hidden himself better, said and acted in different ways. Derek knew something was up, and Spencer couldn’t hide it forever. Especially not from him. He hated lying to Morgan.

���So..” Spencer spoke quietly, “What do you think is up?” Derek rolled his eyes at Spencer again, “Don’t talk to me like an unsub trying to stall. Somethings wrong. Did I do something- was it something I did or said?” Spencer put his spoon down as he watched Derek.

“I gotta be honest, Reid. I don’t know what’s going on here. We used to hangout so much, and suddenly you’re giving me the cold shoulder. I thought it was because of your studies- but you’ve done written whole thesesis while we’ve hungout. So it’s not you being busy with school. You make time. Why isn’t there any time now?” Derek kept going, voice raising in intensity as he got to the end.

Spencer wanted to say something, he wanted to say something so bad. But he didn’t know what. So instead he took a sip of his not-sweet-enough coffee. Derek watched him as he did so, intensity not wavering.

Spencer put the mug back down onto the table before he finally found his words, “It’s not you. You didn’t do anything.” “So what is it?” Morgan asked him almost instantly. Spencer sighed, he didn’t want to say it was Melissa. He couldn’t, he didn’t want to make Derek feel bad, he thought Derek was happy with her. He didn’t want to ruin that, even if Melissa was terrible. Derek was seemingly glad, and Spencer didn’t want him changing from positive to anything else (except somehow maybe more positive.)

“It’s nothing.” “It’s definitely not nothing, Reid. Please tell me.” Derek pried more. He couldn’t let this go. Spencer sighed, a weak sign of defeat. “Okay- but. I’m sorry. This involves Melissa.” He admitted, looking up to see Derek had a confused expression on his face. “What about her?” “When we went to the baseball game a few weeks ago and met her. She was really pleasant at first, but as soon as we were alone on the bleachers together she told me that I needed to stop being so close with you. And it really freaked me out, she saw me as a threat.”

Derek leaned back in the booth bench, unsure of what to do. “What did she say?” Derek finally asked after a moment, deciding he wanted to know what Melissa said to Spencer in full to make him act like this. Spencer didn’t deserve to be treated this way, he just didn’t. “I’m not going to-“ Spencer started, Derek just cut him off, “Yes you will. I know you remember what she said. So tell me. Please.”

Spencer fidgeted with the handle of the mug, “Okay, okay.. she said that you were her man and then she said, ‘I don’t need you confusing him and making him switch sides’...” Spencer spoke once more after that, before he could forget, “She also, um.. she said she would tell Garcia the same thing, except she didn’t because she knew she was with kevin.”

Derek stayed quiet, looking at Spencer before looking back down at his mug of coffee. Spencer stayed quiet, he didn’t know what he could say or do right now to make this better.

“I’m sorry.” Spencer finally decided to speak after it had been silent for a few minutes. “I didn’t want to tell you because you-“

Derek held his hand up as a simple gesture, indicating Spencer should be quiet. Spencer hushed up quickly, watching Morgan, who was sitting silently still, staring down with an intensity that could burn stronger than the sun. He stood up after a moment, pulling out his wallet and putting two twenty dollar bills down on the table, in front of Spencer. “For the coffee. Get some breakfast, too. I need to go.” “Derek, I-“ Spencer started, standing up, he wasn’t gonna leave Derek alone, especially to process this large amount of information. but he had started walking away, back turned to reid- leaving him alone at the booth. He wasn’t going to come back, and as much as Spencer wanted to follow him and never leave his side- he could tell he should leave him alone, at least for now.

~

After that whole experience, Spencer didn’t stay to get breakfast. He finished his coffee, paid, and left quickly. Deciding Derek needed space, and he wasn’t sure what else he could do, so he tucked tail back to the hotel. He lied to himself, saying maybe he could nap or watch T.V and ignore his imploding thoughts.

He couldn’t ignore his imploding thoughts, if that wasn’t painstakingly obvious. Spencer’s mind reeled from every aspect of their breakfast, to how he was curt and almost rude to Derek- he now wished he hadn’t been, but how else could he have acted? He didn’t know. He hated how things had went. He should’ve lied and told Derek he didn’t have the time for breakfast.

So, when Spencer finally got the hotel, he sat and thought and waited, waited for any sounds outside of his hotel door. Derek’s room was directly across the hall from his. So he waited for the sounds of the door opening, the beeping of the keycard, the sound of footsteps that were muffled by the soft carpet. Anything that would show Derek was back, back close to him, close enough to him for a conversation again. Because he knew that they needed to talk.

~

Spencer was counting. One hour and eighteen minutes passed before he heard any sounds of life that would match what he was waiting for. Namely, he heard the footsteps approach by his door, and then the beep of the keycard. And finally, the door opening and shutting quickly. Derek was there, he was back, Spencer got off his perch on the bed in record speed, exiting out to the hall and crossing quickly.

He was about to knock on the door, hand raised in the air, before he slowed himself down. Was this too much? What if Morgan didn’t want to talk to right now? What if Derek thought he was lying and was mad? Oh god, that terrified Spencer. He hoped Derek knew he wasn’t lying, he could run any behavior test he wanted to, but he wouldn’t lie to Derek. Not now, not ever.

Spencer still had his hand raised in the air, standing directly in front of the door. If Derek thought he was lying, he would prove he wasn’t. Nothing mattered right now, Spencer decided as he took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Spencer heard movement from inside the room, before Derek opened the door. He looked stressed, the lines in his face were hard set, this was how he looked when he dealt with an unsub. This isn’t how he should be looking on a day off. Derek said nothing as he looked at Spencer, “Can we talk?” Spencer asked him after it was clear Derek wasn’t going to start talking.

Derek nodded. Wordlessly opening the door more, and stepping back to allow Reid inside. He stepped in, Derek’s room was a mirror copy of Spencer’s, simple and small. He had his duffel sat on the floor by the small twin bed provided by the hotel.

Reid stood in the room, Derek moved past him to sit down on the edge of the bed as Spencer messed with some loose thread on his jacket, “I, um... I got your change..” Spencer started, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the wad of cash and coins. He wasn’t sure what to say now that he was inside Derek’s room. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, so he wasn’t sure how to prepare. Derek wasn’t acting like himself, so he didn’t know what would work.

Spencer went to hand it back to him, “Reid, no.” Derek started, causing Spencer to stop in his tracks, holding the money in silence.

“You didn’t come here for that.” Derek motioned to the money with his hand. “No. I didn’t.” Spencer mumbled awkwardly, shoving it back into his jacket pocket, the coins clinking together all too loudly for his liking.

“I’m sorry.” Derek sighed after a moment, “I shouldn’t have ran off like that. It’s just- I couldn’t believe what you were saying.” Spencer nodded, he wanted to say so much to Derek. He wanted to say, “I swear on my mother I am not lying”, he wanted to say “I’m sorry, I should have stayed quiet” he wanted to say “I care about you so much and I don’t want to see you walk away, I don’t want to lose you”. But Spencer couldn’t talk, he wasn’t sure what would come out if he spoke.

“I, uh, I called Melissa.” Derek told him, “After I left. I called her, I asked her if she said that to you, and she said she didn’t say it like that,” He took a breath before continuing on, “I asked her what she meant, because she wasn’t denying what she said. She just was saying the wording was off.”

Spencer found his small, awkward voice, deciding to look down at the floor instead of Derek. He was scared of what he would see. “What did she say the wording was?” He asked Derek, “She said she was harsher than that, told you to back off. Then she tried to explain herself, as if any of what she did was acceptable and could be fine under the disguise of caring for your significant other.”

“Reid, look at me. Please.” Derek sighed, not continuing whatever else he was going to say. Spencer finally looked up to meet his eyes. Derek just looked tired, leaning awkwardly on the couch, as he kept his gaze on Spencer.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause this.” Spencer apologized, he had no clue if he needed to. But it felt like what he had to do.

“No, don’t.” Derek shook his head, as if to knock the apology out of his brain. “Thank you for telling me. Thank you. The red flags were there, Reid. And there were so many. I was just ignoring them.”

Spencer stayed quiet, watching Derek as he admitted this out loud; “I just- I wanted to make it work. But the fact she said that to you, and was gonna tell garcia, I just-“ Derek shook his head again, a mixture of defeat and anger simultaneously now instead of a signal for reid to stop.

“It upset me. I couldn’t believe it. So I called her and that happened and... and...” Derek trailed off, sighing simply as if that was the end of the sentence.

“...You broke up?” Spencer asked carefully, not wanting to misjudge. Derek nodded, rubbing his face with both hands. He was stressed. Spencer could tell.

“We did. It’s for the best. I can’t be dating someone who is like that. Especially not to you, or Garcia. That’s the biggest deal breaker out there.” Derek spoke, he was still serious but he was also sort of joking in a way to help calm the atmosphere down.

Spencer didn’t respond right away, instead moving to sit down on the edge of the bed, a few feet away from Morgan to give him plenty space. Derek didn’t like that, pulling on Spencer’s hand and motioning him to sit directly by his side.

Spencer complied, but cursed his face for causing a blush to form. This wasn’t the time to savor the feeling of Derek’s strong grip on his hand. It wasn’t.

Spencer was now sat down next to Derek, he wasn’t sure what else to say, so he stayed quiet. But he knew he didn’t want to leave Derek’s side now. He needed to be here. It couldn’t be easy for Derek.

“I’m sorry I left you at the restaurant.” Derek spoke after a while of them sitting side by side. “It’s okay,” Spencer told him, Derek gave him a sideways glance that proved he didn’t believe what he was saying.

“I didn’t end up having breakfast, though. I was worried.” Spencer admitted. Derek let out a low chuckle, and god, Spencer loved that sound. When was the last time he heard it? It used to be as common as hearing traffic in downtown Quantico, but as of lately; he hadn’t heard it often. Spencer knew in the back of his head, it was probably Melissa. Small things had changed with Derek during their time of dating.

First, it was calling Spencer “pretty boy”, and Garcia “baby girl”. Derek stopped saying it, and as much as garcia was worried about him, Derek had assured her he was okay. (Spencer didn’t mind the nickname stopping, as he finally didn’t have to come up with an excuse every time he blushed in front of the team when Derek would call him that.)

But then, Derek showed up to work looking tired, and sure- the job took long hours and restless nights and way too many coffee breaks. But he looked like he was losing that energy in his eyes. The excitement that made him join the team. He had told Spencer it was originally he missed Melissa. But now, Spencer was second guessing that.

Things had slowly changed with Derek, so small that Spencer didn’t even notice fully. But if you looked at all the reasons why he changed, it could be tied back to Melissa.

Good riddance. Spencer thought to himself. In ordinary situations, he would hate to think that, but today he didn’t; as he heard Derek’s soft, low chuckle. He didn’t want to ever stop see Derek being himself. He wouldn’t stop him from anything, he knew he wouldn’t. All he would want to do is care about him, kiss him, fall asleep in his arms, have a nice dinner with him- things a real boyfriend would do.

He would let Derek be himself, he wouldn’t stop him from working, he wouldn’t want to fight, he wouldn’t want to play games, and god knows he wouldn’t stop Derek and Garcia flirting. That’s what kept them happy, together, and secure.

“I’m sorry you guys broke up, but if it’s any consolation. You belong with someone better.” Spencer admitted, not adding on the last part he always wanted to say. If he could say it, lord knows he would. But he couldn’t tell Derek they belonged together. He sounded insane.

Derek softy bumped shoulders with him in an act of thanks, “Thank you. Now c’mon, let’s go get you some real breakfast, pretty boy.” He said as he stood up, the blush immediately rushed back into Spencer’s face. God, that name would be the death of him. He was seriously going to die like this.

“You still got my change? ‘Cause you’re paying.” Derek joked with him as he turned to pull on his coat, “It’s your money, why don’t I give it back to you?” Spencer asked him, the conversation now changing to a much lighter tone. Derek shrugged, “You paying a cashier will help your people skills. Now c’mon, I saw a good restaurant with outdoor seating that’s by a garden. You can give me plant facts while we eat.”

~

“...Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night. I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re ‘bout to cry. And I know your favorite songs and you tell me ‘bout your dreams. Think I know where you belong, think I know it’s with me...”

~

Derek’s growing love for Spencer Reid was so slow he didn’t realize it until it was bursting out of his chest. It wasn’t obvious, it wasn’t, at least not to Derek. But suddenly it was everything Spencer did, it had his attention and captivated his thoughts. If Spencer was rambling about something, Derek would listen. Even if he didn’t care, even if he was tired, or hungry, or even mad.

To put it simply, it was every single thing that Spencer had ever done for him, suddenly making Derek feel something. It was every little funny thing Spencer did, it was every factoid he spat out to the team at the round table, it was how he was there for everyone in less than a second if needed, it was how Spencer complained about modern television, it was how Spencer grumbled in his sleep when they had to wake him up to get off the team’s jet after a long case. It was everything.

Every one of those instances just made something inside Derek squirm. Before, when Derek was dating Melissa- he was able to hold that feeling at bay. But it had now been months since his and Melissa’s breakup, and he had nothing to stop his mind from thinking about Reid, so the feelings and thoughts about the genius only grew stronger.

He thought about him nonstop. About how Reid was precious, amazing, handsome, smart, and god- he was borderline perfect. And what had originally started as a small inkling feeling inside of him was growing, growing into something almost unmanageable. It took everything in Derek not to just lean over and grab the genius’ hand as he was waving it around when speaking about something he was passionate about, and holding it tightly.

It was getting worse, day by day it was hell at work. But it was the best suffering in the world. Seeing Spencer sat at his desk, deep in thought as he typed reports out, along with emailing scientists and doctors on the side. God, Reid was an absolute genius. Morgan wasn’t sure if he could easily get over that fact anymore as he used to. Now Spencer’s smarts had more meaning, and he wasn’t sure why.

Spencer’s smarts always mattered, and definitely came in handy for the team, saving their asses more than once. But now, his IQ level was something Derek caught himself almost worrying about.

Spencer wouldn’t ever say it, but what if he thought Derek was stupid? The brawn to his brain. Nothing more than a dude to tackle the bad guys and handcuff them down. What if Spencer thought he wasn’t a good person, a good friend?

Now, along with the growing admiration, he also had growing fear. Derek was now going back and forth between doubting himself and wanting nothing more than pulling Spencer into a janitors closet and kissing him until they needed air.

Yeah, Derek was screwed. Work was painful. But he wouldn’t stop, he couldn’t. Even if he wanted to, he kept going along, because every day he saw Reid that feeling inside him only grew, and he didn’t have the willpower to stop it, and even if he did- he probably couldn’t. This was the strongest he had ever felt in a long time. It would take an army to stop how he felt (and even then, he might still beat the army).

~

The night it all went down wasn’t what derek intended it to be, he was pretty much planning on hiding his crush on reid to the grave, not admitting it to anyone ever about how he felt. Because as Derek saw it, Spencer was too smart for him. Definitely out of his league.

Because in Morgan’s mind, how dumb could he be? He had been slowly falling in love with his best friend, all while not even realizing it- and dating someone who was absolutely horrid during that entire process. It was enough to make him smack his head against his wall.

~

Derek was working late the night it happened, going over this same dilemma in his head as he finished up the last of his reports to turn over to Hotch.

Nothing was happening in the bullpen, and for the first time in forever, Spencer had left before the work day ended. He had been complaining of a stomachache, and Rossi had smartly deduced he was sick, and even though Reid didn’t want to leave- the team all but kicked him out the door, telling him he wasn’t any good working when feeling like vomiting.

Derek had missed him since he left, he felt stupid admitting that, but it was the plain and simple truth. His days were just better with Reid, and there was no other explanation than that. As stupid as it was, Derek had come to agree with that fact a while ago, and now it was just normal, him missing Reid. But thankfully Reid didn’t leave often enough for it to be bad.

That being said, Derek still worried. Deciding to call Reid, it was only 7 p.m., after all. Surely Reid was still awake.

His cell phone ringed as Derek held it up to his ear, twirling his pen absentmindedly between his index and pointer finger as he waited for Spencer to answer.

And he did, he sounded groggy, but he answered; “Hello?” “Hey, Reid.” Derek spoke, a small stupid smile creeping its way into his face. “How are you feeling?” He asked, he heard Spencer shuffling on the other end of the line, then the faucet running.

“I’m okay... just really dizzy now, so I got myself some water.” “Did you eat enough today?” Derek asked him, changing tones from a concerned friend to something more.

“Yes, I did. You don’t need to worry about my eating.” Reid said simply, he wasn’t the type of guy who liked being watched over. Derek understood why, but this was still necessary.

“Reid, c’mon now. When was the last time you ate?”

“11:23 a.m., Garcia gave me a muffin.” Spencer admitted after a beat of silence, “Reid, you’ve been not eating for almost eight hours- no wonder you felt so sick, man!” Derek said into the phone as he stood up, shrugging his jacket onto his shoulders, deciding to leave now. The reports were almost done, anyway.

“Well, I’m not hungry so it’s fine..” Reid argued weakly in response, “Oh no, no. Don’t even, Spencer. I’m getting you food and taking it to your place. Now go lay down and take some tylenol, drink that water you got.”

Spencer huffed weakly, but made no move to argue or protest Morgan inviting himself over. “Fine. Please get me chicken noodle soup.”

~

As agreed, Derek got Spencer some chicken noodle soup from a great nearby deli Spencer had told him about a while ago. Derek was proud of himself for this choice in food, even if Spencer had requested soup, he hadn’t requested where. And Derek felt smart for remembering one of Spencer’s favorite places.

Derek arrived to Spencer’s apartment, the door was left unlocked so he came in, carrying the container of soup in both of his hands, so he pushed the front door shut gently with his foot.

“Hey, Reid. I’m here,” he called out into the apartment, as he made his way to the bedroom, finding a sleeping Spencer on the bed, covered in a few miscellaneous blankets to keep him warm.

Derek sat the container of soup onto the nearby bedside table, next to spencer’s near empty water glass, before looking down at reid.

Spencer was perfect, regardless if he was awake or asleep. But asleep he was so peaceful, so calm. Derek could so easily keep Spencer safe from everything in his sleep, hold him in his arms and help ground him. He knew Spencer got nightmares, everyone on the team did. But he knew if he was there, he could help, he could make it better.

Spencer was breathing softly, his face looked slightly flushed, and his hair was all over the place, some strands had fallen onto his face directly, which Derek gently pushed out of the way to get a better look at Spencer.

“Mmm..” Spencer mumbled in his sleep, a response to Derek touching him, Derek took a sharp breath in. God, he wanted to just tell Spencer right now he felt, he so badly did. And Spencer was asleep, what was stopping him? He could say it and Spencer wouldn’t remember. Because unlike conscious Spencer, unconscious Spencer didn’t remember things.

So before his brain could catch up to his body, he did. “I love you.” He told Spencer softly, it was barely above a whisper. It was so quiet he was sure Spencer didn’t hear it at all, but it was just Derek’s unfortunate luck that Spencer started to stir.

“Hm?” He asked, sitting up slowly, Derek pulled his hand away from where he had tucked the strand of hair away.

“I said, I brought you soup.” Derek lied easily, hoping that “I love you” and “I brought you soup” were interchangeable sounding sentences. Spencer just nodded, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes slowly as he turned to look at the container on his bedside table

He didn’t suspect anything, Derek let a breath of relief out internally as Spencer reached for the container. “It didn’t come with a spoon, so I’ll go get you one.” Derek told him, getting up to go back into Spencer’s kitchen and grab a spoon from the silverware drawer.

When Derek came back, Spencer was more awake, holding the container of soup in his hands expectantly as he waited. Derek handed him the spoon wordlessly, before sitting down on the bed next to Spencer. “How are you feeling?” Derek asked him, as Spencer hadn’t tried out the soup yet (he was waiting for it to cool a bit more.) “Tired- sorry I left, by the way.” Reid responded slowly, he still felt the tiniest bit groggy.

Derek shook his head, “No Reid, don’t apologize. Are you feeling any better?” Spencer nodded slowly in response, starting to stir the soup to help it cool down. Derek watched him, the soft light from the only lamp on in the room casted off shadows throughout the walls and onto Spencer. He looked beautiful, even if he was wearing pajamas and his hair was messy and he was stirring his soup while half awake.

To Derek, he looked perfect. And once again, Derek’s body moved too fast for his brain to catch up with. He was suddenly talking; “Reid, can I tell you something?” He asked the tired genius, who just nodded and gave an “Mhm” sound in return as he continued to stir his soup.

Derek breathed in, he couldn’t go back. It was now or never. He turned to face Spencer, and if he hated him after this, so be it.

“I was an idiot, Spencer. When I was with Melissa, searching for a good moment to stay happy about was rare. But the entire time I’ve known you, everything’s been a good moment. Every opportunity I’ve had with you has let me grow and become smarter, and a better person..” he took a second to look back at Spencer, who was now looking at him with an expression he couldn’t read.

“But I’ve still been stupid. Because the entire time I was with her, I only looked forward to being with you. I missed the best thing right in front of me, and I hope you know that I am not normally this dense... but..” this was the hardest part of his whole speech, how the fuck was he supposed to admit something like this?

“But,” he started again, “I like you, Reid. I really like you. This entire time I was chasing the wrong person and following dead leads, like a rookie on a new case. But I realize the only person that makes me feel anything is you- and... I think, I- no. I am. I am falling for you. And I don’t even know if you like guys but-“ It was by this point Spencer put his soup down back on his bedside table, the soft sound shut Derek up easily.

“You’re falling for me?” Spencer asked, just simply clarifying what he had said. Morgan nodded, standing by it. “Yes. I am.”

Spencer breathed out a sigh of relief, something Derek hadn’t expected him to do. “You aren’t stupid... I- um. I’ve been falling for you too.”

That made Derek light up instantly, “You have?” Spencer nodded sheepishly, staring down at his fingernails instead of Derek. “I wasn’t expecting you to...” Spencer mumbled, as if that was a sufficient enough explanation on his part on why he was relieved and surprised.

“It just snuck up on me. I can’t get you out of my head, you’re all I want.” Derek admitted, more brashly than he would’ve liked to phrased things. But that didn’t seem to bother Spencer at all, as he started to lean forward slowly, Derek leaned forward too, reaching up to put his hand on the side of Spencer’s face to help him stay steady. Their lips were inches apart, but Spencer spoke. “Derek, I want to kiss you so bad. But if I’m sick I don’t want to risk infecting you-“

“Pretty boy, I’m breathing your air already. And I don’t think you have the flu, just low blood sugar.” Derek told him, which quickly shushed Reid up. They leaned forward more, and all the feelings of angst and dread that had built up between the two disintegrated as their lips touched slowly.

It was a soft kiss, a chaste one. But there definitely was passion behind it. Morgan stayed close to Spencer, resting his forehead against his.

“I belong with you...” Derek mumbled, he didn’t care if Spencer heard it anymore. He should hear it, he deserved to hear it. He deserved to know he was the only one Derek wanted.

Spencer pulled back, a small smile playing on his lips the entire time. “I can’t believe it...” he mumbled to Derek after a moment. “You should. You said it yourself, I belong with someone better. And it’s you. I just hope you agree.” Derek told him honestly, not leaving anything he said to chance. Spencer nodded, “Yes- you belong with me. Absolutely, yes. I agree.”

Derek smiled, pushing a loose strand of hair back behind spencer’s ear, before leaning forward and planting a soft kiss on Spencer’s forehead. “You eat that soup, I’ll go get you some more water.”

———————————————————————

#criminal minds #cm #BAU #bau #FBI #fbi #dr Spencer Reid #Spencer Reid #Reid #Derek Morgan #moreid #gay #Penelope garcia #jennifer jj jareau #jennifer jareau #Aaron Hotchner #Hotch #Hotchner #Dave rossi #David rossi #emily Prentiss #Tara Lewis #luke alvez #fic #angsty #but cute #og shit #Spencer Specific Fics #fanfic #oneshot

[blueberrysets]

EXPLORING SONGS: HOW THE SUN TEMPTED ME

pairing: timeskip!tsukishima x f!reader

genre: fluff and angst, hurt/comfort

warnings: swearing, mentions of death, mentions of alcohol use, depression, grief, angst

word count:  3,343

summary: after the death of his best friend, tsukishima swore to never speak a word about that night and to not even mutter his name again. he would rather stay angry at himself for the rest of his life than to think about that incident. yet, it haunts him in his dreams and in his every day to day life. until the lovable roommate of his seems to show more care towards him than anyone else in his life.   

song to play: fine line by harry styles

an: yay!! this is my first installment in my writing collection of exploring songs! I’m super excited to keep writing for this and diving deep into the lyrics of the music. I hope you enjoy and let me know if you would like to be in the tag list for future installments!

masterlist!

taglist: @emiyummy @nyelsy​

In the five stages of grief, tsukishima seems to be stuck on the second stage; anger. He’s been that way for the past four years since he lost his best friend. it’s a relentless anger that is directed to anyone who happens to irritate him just slightly. he finds himself having to hold his tongue while an annoying little kid asks him a dumb question while he’s explaining fossils. he used to love their curiosity and would lend a hand to teach them. his anger starts at the bottom of his feet, flowing all the way up to the middle of his throat. having him choke slightly at the ball of frustration blocking his airways.

yet the one thing he can’t get rid of, is his annoying lovable roommate.

“tsukki!” her voice rings out, bouncing off the walls of the bustling museum. her arms stretched way above her head as she waves him down, a bright smile lighting up her face as her cheeks and the tip of her nose are rosy from the winter air outside.

tsukishima finds the corners of his mouth raising slightly at the sight. it’s not a new one, she’s always there for his lunch break so they can eat together. always making food and coming to his work with a bento that has his name on it. the slight smile stays for a second, but is soon replaced with his familiar scowl. he makes his way over to her, hands shoved in his khaki pants. his worker ID hanging around his neck on a lanyard, irritating the back of his neck and bumping against his dark brown sweater. 

her office attire is covered by a long, black peacoat and a thick, tan scarf paired with it. her hands lower as he gets closer to her, but her smile doesn’t falter. the familiar big purse filled with the contents of their lunch is hanging off her shoulder, the same color as her scarf. she calls it her “mom purse,” stating how she can literally carry anything in there. if only he could take his grief and place it in there as well. 

“look at you,” tsukishima snickers, “finally dressing appropriately for the weather.”

a look of annoyance replaces her smile, he feels himself missing it already. her hand winds back to land a slap right onto his bicep. he couldn’t help but laugh even more at her reaction. it’s fun to tease her, especially when she gets pouty. 

“keep saying stuff like that and i’ll stop making you lunches,” she grumbles as she sticks her tongue out at him.

“you and i both know you won’t,” he shrugs. 

“shut up, i hate when you’re right,” she mumbles again, pushing the straps of her purse higher up on her shoulder as she walks to where his break room is. 

a hearty laugh leaves his lips as his head is thrown back. his shoulders rising up and down as the laugh takes over his body. it stops y/n in her place to look back and take in the sight. seeing the pure joy covering his face as he laughs, it's a sight she doesn’t want to miss. so, she halts in her tracks and admires him. but before he could notice, she turns back around and continues her way to the break room. but how odd was it, to know that he only laughs that genuinely around her. 

the clicking sound of her heels now echo off the walls, and he follows the noise all the way to the familiar staff break room. she clunks her purse down on the dull, wooden table that sits in the middle of the room. to the left of it is a kitchenette area with counters, a refrigerator, microwave, coffee maker, and sink. to the right are various vending machines and printers. she places the two bentos and two pairs of chopsticks onto the table before dropping her bulky bag next to her chair. she unravels her scarf and shrugs off her coat before hanging them on the back of her chair.

it’s annoying how frustratingly beautiful she is, without even trying. her black skirt fits her curves nicely and goes great with her favorite maroon turtleneck sweater. the black tights that cover her skin from the cold air transition nicely into her black high heel boots. her hair in its natural state as her face is adorned with work-suited make up. yet, his favorite look on her would have to be the casual clothes she lounges in at home. 

he takes his usual seat across from her, sitting down and grabbing the chopsticks that were set nicely next to his bento box. he breaks them apart before unwrapping and opening his meal. but stops his movements to see her loosely putting her hair into a bun before she eats. stating that it keeps it from annoyingly falling in her face as she eats, another habit that he can’t seem to stop gushing over. they sit in silence as they start to eat, it’s a comfortable silence. one that is usually filled with the humming from the printer.

“how’s work been today?” she asks with her mouth slightly full, her gaze on her food as she continues to shovel it into her mouth.

“the usual, how about you?” he softly asks as he picks at his food, “is that greg guy still bothering you? you know i can sort that out for you.”

she lets out a snort, setting her chopsticks down as she wipes her hands on her skirt. chewing her food completely and swallowing before she replies. 

“i’m a big girl, I can handle it,” she states in a sassy manner, her gaze meeting him from across the table, “but no, he’s not.”

“good,” he answers shortly, briefly meeting her gaze before it’s redirected back down to his food. 

she clears her throat as she picks up her chopsticks again, returning to quickly eating. their lunch time together is short as she has to catch another train back to her office in a different part of the city. he’s told her multiple times that she doesn’t have to do this, that he’s perfectly capable of having lunch by himself. but she insists, and he’s glad that she still does. perhaps, he doesn’t like being alone. 

“i can’t believe it’s already december 12th,” she mumbles, mostly to herself, “it’s getting close to christmas, i’m not even done shopping yet.”

while the statement of the date is an innocent remark, it stills has tsukishima freezing his movements as the breath gets caught in his throat. he slowly places his hands back down on the table and slightly pushes the bento box away from him, no longer hungry. 

well, it’s official. 

today marks five years since his best friend's death.

“tsukki,” her voice breaks through to his ears as his eyes snap open and his body being shaken by her, “tsukki!”

his breathing is rigid as his hands grip onto her arms, the covers thrown off of him as he feels the hot tears streaming down his face. his eyes scan his surroundings in his semi dark room, the only source of light being his bedside lamp. his glasses are placed on the bedside table and his clock shows that it’s currently 1:23 am. then his eyes finally land on her. 

her hair messy from her bed head and her eyes holding a look of concern. her hands slide from his chest up to his face, wiping away the tears that continue to fall from his eyes. he’s confused, throat dry and raw.

“you were screaming,” she whispers softly, one hand leaving his face as she runs it through his hair, “i think you were having a nightmare.”

it hits him. he was. memories of that fateful night replaying in his mind, over and over again. always the same outcome, always him being too late. he squeezes his closed, more tears leaving his eyes as does. yet the gentle touches from her hands wipe them away.

“do you want to talk about it?” she asks gently, causing him to slowly open his eyes to connect with hers. 

he shakes his head no.

“that’s okay,” she nods, “whenever you want to, just know that i’m here. let me get you some water.”

she stands up, turning to leave to walk to the kitchen. his hand latches onto hers, stopping her from leaving. she turns around, her gaze soft as she looks down at their hands then back to his face. he swallows, this is very out of character for him. but he doesn’t want to be alone. 

“will you stay with me?” he gasps out, shyly lowering his gaze, “just for the night.”

her thumb caresses his hand before she gives it a gentle squeeze.

“of course, i’ll stay for as long as you need,” she coos, “let me get you water, then i’ll come to bed.”

he nods his head, releasing his grip on her hand. she turns and walks out of the room, her bare feet padding on the hardwood floor. the sound fades out as he is left with his own thoughts again. he lays back down on the bed, running a hand through his hair. his eyes dry from the tears and his head throbbing for some sleep. yet he can’t go to sleep, he doesn’t want to see it again. he can’t keep seeing that night again. it’ll tear him apart more than it already is. 

before his thoughts could get even more jumbled together, she finally returned with a glass of fresh water. she sets it on his nightstand before crawling into bed next to him, pulling the covers up with her. he turns over to grab the cup, taking a few sips to soothe his throat. he sets it back down and turns off the lamp. he flops back down onto his back. a hand laying underneath his head as he stares at the moonlight leaking in through his window. then he feels her, her arm thrown over his waist as her head lays on his chest and her legs tangle with his.

his heart swells at the contact. it was at this moment, that he knew he could trust her with anything. despite his snarky remarks, silent grief, and witty attitude; she decided to stay with him. how lucky can one get?

“i’m not sure if i’m ready to fully tell you everything yet,” he explains softly, one of his hands drawing circles on her arm, “but just know that things would’ve been different if i was there before…”

“nonsense,” she cuts him off, her face still buried in his chest, “fate works in mysterious ways, kei. sometimes it does shit that seems so unfair, so heartbreaking. we can’t help but blame ourselves sometimes. yet, it’s not your fault. things happen for a reason whether we like it or not. you could’ve prevented it then, but who's to say it wouldn’t just happen later on? stop being so hard on yourself, instead take time to heal from whatever hurt you.”

another tear falls at her words, but god how relieving it was to be on stage three; bargaining.

he was so tired of being angry.

“i’m going out!” he remembers her saying as she struggles to pull her high heel onto her foot, “don’t wait up for me, i’ll text you when i’m on my way home!”

yet it’s morning, and there was no text. no call, no text from her friends; there's just nothing. he paces the living room, frantically calling her number over and over. his hair a mess with how many times his hands had run through it. his pajamas fitting loosely on his skinny body, he has lost some weight hasn’t he? 

“pick up, pick up,” he whispers to himself as his bottom lip is being nervously gnawed at, “y/n pick up, damnit.”

voicemail, again. he aggressively pushes the red button to hang up, harshly throwing his phone onto the couch. he grips the edge of the sofa, his foot tapping anxiously as he tries to wrack his brain around what is happening. where was she? if she got hurt wouldn't he get a call from the hospital? or if it was something else, wouldn’t her friends or the police station call him? he is her emergency contact, he should be hearing something! what if she got kidnapped? maybe that’s why no one has told him anything. what if-

the sound of the front door being unlocked and opening interrupts his thoughts. he whips his head in the direction of the noise to see her walk in. she wears clothes that seem to be her friends as she holds her heels in her hand. she sets them on the ground gently, not wanting to make much noise so she doesn’t wake him. 

“where the hell were you?” he asks loudly, causing her to jump from the surprise.

“oh!” she exclaims, “i spent the night at a friends place, but my phone died. sorry i didn’t text you.”

“you didn’t think of maybe having a friend text me?” he asks in a snarky tone, angrily walking over to her, “i was worried sick, y/n!”

“i’m sorry,” she laughs, “i didn’t think it would’ve been that big of a deal.”

“not a big deal?” he sneers, his hands gripping her biceps in a tight hold, “what if something happened to you, huh?”

“kei, let go,” she warns, “your grip hurts.”

“i can’t lose another important person, y/n!” he yells, taking in a sharp breath at what he just said. 

“another?” she questions, her gaze more confused than angry now. 

“forget it,” he mumbles as reaches behind her to grab his coat. shoving his feet into his shoes before walking out the front door, slamming it right in her face. 

onto stage four: depression.

the last person he expected to see waiting for him at the end of his shift, would be her. her black peacoat contrasting with the red scarf wrapped around her neck. the scarf looking bulky against her frame, but comfortable. they haven’t had a conversation in two weeks, an awkward environment surrounds them since that morning. they kept to their assigned rooms in the apartment, yet she showed more compassion for him than he thought she would. she still set food outside his door, still packed him lunches, still did his laundry, or cleaned his room since he lacked motivation to do anything. opening his eyes felt like a chore lately, yet she still supported him silently. 

“come with me,” she said softly, reaching a hand out to him, “i’m taking you somewhere.”

his eyes are wide, filled with curiosity and confusion at the current situation. yet he still reached his hand towards her mitten-covered one and held onto it. he let her pull him along with her. following her to the train station, sitting patiently for their stop, then following her off the train. their hands never once letting go. he was afraid that if he did, she would disappear in thin air. truly, leaving him completely alone. 

she pulled him all the way to the beach, the waves slightly frozen as they crash into the rocky shores. she pulls him up onto a big rock ledge, sitting down once they reach the top. her legs dangling off the edge and the golden rays of the setting sun hitting her face. tsukishima was still standing, looking out at the perfect view of the sunset. but then averting his eyes to his own person sun sitting on the rock. he follows along and sits next to her, the harsh wind from the ocean hitting both of their faces. 

“i asked your brother about what happened,” she states over the sounds of the waves, “about yamaguchi.”

he lets out a shaky breath at the mention of that name, one he promised himself he wouldn’t say. for his own sanity, he wouldn’t mention that name again. 

“you did?” he asked quietly. 

“i did,” she states confidently, “and i want to apologize.”

he rips his eyes from the view to look at her, meeting her gaze that was already on him. confusion written all over his face. 

“i should’ve texted you that night, given you some indication of where i was. something to at least ease your mind,” she explains, her voice sounding like she was pleading for him to forgive her. all of this time, they both blamed themselves for the situation, “but i had no idea what you have gone through, but now that i do i completely regret my actions.”

tsukishima swallows hard as he looks down at his hands that rest in his lap. so she knows, and now she probably knows that he’s a huge fuck up. he took a few deep breaths, preparing himself for the conversation. 

“how long have you known,” he starts, “about him.”

“about a week,” she whispers, “i didn’t have the heart to bring it up to you, i wasn’t sure how you would react. but then, i’ve seen the grief and guilt eating at you slowly. i can't stand to see you like that anymore, kei.” 

“he called me,” he whispers, lifting his gaze up to her eyes. tears welling up in his eyes, “he called me that night asking for a ride, drunk. i remember that i was so annoyed by that call, that i didn’t leave right away. deciding that five more minutes of sleep was more important than my friend getting home safely. when i finally left and went to pick him up, the other guests said he left with someone else. then i get the call the next morning, the call that he was… well, you know.”

she scoots closer to him, placing her hands on his face. meeting his eyes with such intensity and care, he didn’t deserve her. the tears ran down his face, seeing who would get to the finish line the quickest. his body shakes from the sobs as he finally talks about that night after five years of avoiding it. 

“this isn’t your fault, kei,” she says slowly, meaning every word.

“but if I just left right away-“

“he would’ve still had time to accept that ride,” she states, her eyes full of certainty, “he knew the risk, everyone does when it comes to alcohol. yet, he still said yes. he could’ve said no, you already told him that you would come pick him up. he left you, you didn’t abandon him.”

“i don’t deserve you,” he sobs out, “i really don’t. you’re like the sun, tempting me to be happy with what i did.”

“i’m not trying to make you feel happy about what you did,” she explains as she uses her mittened hand to wipe his tears, “i want you to accept that what happened, happened. there were mistakes made, yes, but you can't change it now. what you can do, is live in his memory. live life for him, and dedicate every waking day to him.”

“i love you,” he gasps out, “i really do, you sunshine. you temptress. so please, if i’m gonna do this i want you to be there with me.”

a smile breaks out on her face, laughing slightly. for once, his eyes weren’t full with the hardening gaze of sadness and guilt. but bright and full of love, and how she longed for that gaze to be shown her way. 

“i’m not going anywhere, kei,” she smiles, “and i love you too.”

his arms wrap around her waist and pull her closer to him, lowering his head to capture her in a kiss. the sun is almost gone behind the horizon now, yet the glow from his own sunshine blinds him with love. tempting him to deepen the kiss as their grips on each other tighten.

he was right, he doesn’t like being alone.

it seems that he’s not anymore. 

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[catb-fics]

6-10, 13, 14, and 44!

Ahaha, you’re brave and I feel a bit guilty for asking but I chose safe-ish questions to ask. 😆

Ask whatever you like my love! I’ll prob open up Tumblr in the morning and think omg 😬 ha ha Besides I can’t sleep yet so I’m grateful for the distraction!

6:Age you get mistaken for

I dunno, bit younger I guess… I still get IDed now and and again which is quite funny!

7:Have tattoos?

Yes 2! A love heart which I had done for my ex which pisses me off as reminds me of him and an infinity symbol on my back which I had done with a friend which I still like even though we’re not as close anymore (I should just quit having tattoos with people!)

8:Want any tattoos?

Yeah I’d love another… I would so love to have a catb inspired one, maybe some lyrics or a meaningful quote. Somewhere not on show though… just for me!

9:Got any piercings?

Yes a few I want more though! 3 lots in each lobe and a helix. Really want a daith piercing. And had my navel pierced. Errr my friend had her clit done last year… just no I couldn’t do that! 🙈

10:Want any piercings?

The daith! I wish I was brave enough to have a nipple done too! I think it looks amazing but I’m too much of a wimp! (Dream anon I’m still thinking about Van with pierced nipples btw!)

13:Biggest turn ons

Errr Van McCann? Ha ha seriously though for me it’s a guy who makes me laugh, that is the most attractive thing. If we share the same sense of humour it’s a huge turn on! (And aside from this I have loads of kinks but I won’t list them cos I just put them all in my fanfics so you guys prob know them all already ha ha!)

14:Biggest turn offs

I HATE arrogance and ignorance! I do like confidence but people thinking they are better than others is the worst turn off! And selfish lovers!

44:A random fact about anything

There’s a thunderstorm going on right now outside and I’m gonna go and sit in the window and watch it until I feel the need to sleep!

😘 xxx

Questions that prob shouldn’t be posted! 🙈

#thanks my love 💕 #i think i just spotted more i’ll answer in the morning xxx