#if one more person tells me to take a sick day i'm going to throw something at them

[leonenjoyer69]

Invades your inbox

Hihihihi!!! I wanna ask, what are some songs that remind you of J+H :33??? ((/nf))

HELLO!! :33 THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK! THERE ARE SO MANY KVKSKVKSLC

OKAY, SO! First of all, *casually drops my J&H inspired playlist* all the songs I mention are on here, (WHICH ARE ALL SONGS THAT REMIND ME OF JEKYLL AND HYDE (all songs I've been recently obsessed with, someday ill go back in my liked songs lmao) AND SOME REASONS FOR SONGS ARE SUPER SPECIFIC, PLZ DON'T BULLY ME PEOPLE 🙏) so if you mayhaps wanna listen to any of the mentioned songs, they're there :3

BUT, ONTO THE SONGS AND REASONS!

Of course there's all the Will Wood songs from this list I did forever ago, but there are some other Will Wood songs I didn't put on there, like -Ish (which reminds me of Jekyll) and Cicada Days (which is literally University Lanyon and Jekyll)

Onto the various artists!

Pray To God For Your Mother by Dance Gavin Dance- BIG Jekyll song to me. "Dependent on the medicine to keep my colors vivid", " part of me wants to believe that I will not come apart at the seams, that I will learn from the cut when I bleed", "blame it all on the lamest dude, blame it all on the payments due", " didn't think id have to answer for the lies I told myself, at least not so soon" I MEAN CMON

Lights Out by Mindless Self Indulgence- for Hyde, the little adrenaline junkie.

Mr. Doctor Man by Palaye Royale- Jekyll energy, ofc. "Mr doctor man questions his hands, lost his mind, clinically fine, but he found a way to cope, needle in his throat"

Necromancin Dancin by Bear Ghost- Hyde, but instead of it being, ya know, the dead, it's him unleashing the nightmares on Jekyll. "Now we've found it, I'm astounded, every town will be surrounded by a throng of marchin' death, delicious the riches that glisten ahead!" Plus all the dancing references work bc he unleashed them at that party :3

Ghost Town -Revisited- by Trickle- Jekyll, once more. "So sick of this city's disguise, it glowing on the surface but it's drowning in lies", "Is there a reason that I'm wanting to hide when I look into the mirror just to see empty eyes?", "ghost that tried living a tired life, I'm haunted by the memories I buried inside"

Evelyn Evelyn by Evelyn Evelyn- Jekyll and Hyde, another one where basically all the lyrics are spot on lmao, but I will say I see the feminine voice as Jekyll and the Masculine one as Hyde :3

Turn The Lights Off by Tally Hall- Jekyll and Hyde

There's also a lot of Chonny Jash ones! Obviously The Ballad of Dr Jekyll and The Mr Hyde Jive, but also:

A Devil's Tricks- this one is literally just Jekyll and Hyde, idek what else to say lmao. Like, this dude sitting in lowkey self loathing while his mind tells him bad things? Not to mention the accuracy of the lyrics in general. Id list them, but then id just be pasting the whole song 💀

End the Dance- Lanyon and Rachel being the ones caring, and then switches to Jekyll. Once again don't really know what lyrics to throw in lmao

Banana Man- Jekyll and Hyde, with the whole banana thing being Jekyll becoming Hyde. "Forget all your morals and go with the flow, forget about the bad the good is all you know, and forget about the voice that's lying deep inside, the one that's screaming and screeching proclaiming wrong from right" "tomorrow morning on the plane, no banana makes you go insane. Floating back to busy town, no banana makes you want to frown"

Don't Take It Personally- EOUGHKEKOGKD another angsty Jekyll and Lanyon song.. "You can surrender your heart, but it won't be enough, don't take it personally I'm afraid of love" "if the drugs aren't in my system, then what the hell has blurred my vision?" "My wrist and my heart where you kissed pulled apart" "so just keep playing your part, and ill keep calling your bluff, don't take it personally when push comes to shove"

Push- Jekyll, ofc pushing all his friends away. "I see you trying to slowly turn your back on them, the shadow of who you were when back when you felt condemned"

I also have a bunch of other CCCC songs but idk how to explain why my mind thinks they fit, so I'm just gonna list them and idk, some might get brief explanations

Ruler of Everything- Jekyll trying to stop Hyde from going out, then Hyde literally ruining his life.

Dream (Outro to Calamity)- kinda specific to my little "Whole Jekyll" AU (as most of these are to some slight degree)

The Mind Electric- Hyde

Be Born- also Hyde

Light- Jekyll and Hyde

Good Day- Jekyll

Just Apathy- Jekyll, with Hyde as mind

Two Wuv- Jekyll

Greener- once again, Jekyll

Mucka Blucka- Jekyll and Hyde, (and my "Whole" Jekyll)

We're gonna Win- Jekyll and Hyde (except eventually getting along)

There's some on my playlist ik I didn't mention, but I think this should be good for now, LMAO, AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK GJSKKVKD ILY GUYS 🗣️🗣️🗣️

#my ramblings #tgs #jekyll and hyde #dr jekyll and mr hyde #will wood #chonny jash #music ramblings

[a-sassy-bench]

do able-bodied people not understand that if disabled people call out of work every time they don't feel good that we would call out of work every fucking day?

like honestly. what do you think being disabled means?

#if one more person tells me to take a sick day i'm going to throw something at them #i just honestly cannot anymore #disabilties #disabled #actually disabled #epilepsy #ehlers danlos syndrome #physical disability #neurological disability #actually epileptic #zebra #chronically ill #chronic illness #spoonie #chronic fatigue #chronic pain #c punk #crip punk #cripple punk

[scoops-stevie-archive]

ftm steve, established steddie. contains detailed descriptions of periods.

Steve spends the first day of his period absolutely miserable. His emotions are all over the place. One minute he's this close to lashing out at the first minor inconvenience and the next he's ready to bawl his eyes out.

He knows Robin can tell that something's up. She keeps asking if he's alright and Steve tries to brush it off, tell her he's fine, it's just a little headache, he couldn't sleep last night. But then that sends her into another spiral that makes Steve want to scream and throw something just to get her to be quiet.

Those are mean thoughts, Steve knows, but his body's all out of whack, and his knees and lower back are killing him and he swears he can feel his fucking hips shifting. Add in the cramps that are steadily rolling through his uterus and he's so fucking close to committing homicide.

He's in the stacks, dead-eyed as he stocks the new animated releases, and shifting from foot to foot because now those also hurt and he can feel the beginnings of a migraine that'll have him calling off the next day, and he just wants to go home and lay on the couch with his heating pad and his boyfriend while some shitty TV show plays in the background.

"Steve?" Speak of the devil.

Steve makes a noise of acknowledgement and continues to shelve the tapes. He ignores the pang in his chest that makes him want to reach out and pull Eddie closer and burrow into him.

As if he can read his mind (or tell by the look on his face), Eddie steps closer. "You got Robbie real worried, sweetheart," he says gently, hands in his pockets. Steve can tell he wants to reach out for him the same way he does.

"I'm fine, Eds," Steve says. More like he tries not to snap at the only person who knows about his "condition." He can feel his agitation rising, though, with another wave of cramps that are accompanied by nausea and a sick feeling of something gushing from down there.

"Is that why you look like you wanna blow chunks all over the place right now?"

Steve maybe puts a tape on the shelf a little too hard. "It's been a shit day, Eddie, I really don't need sarcasm right now."

Eddie puts his hands up. "Sorry, sorry." He comes a little closer and lowers his voice. "Talk to me, baby. What's the matter?"

Steve sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "It's the first day," he mutters behind his hand.

"Hm? I couldn't hear you, Stevie."

"I said–" Steve sighs again, harsher this time, and his hand falls to his side, his gaze firmly locked on the tapes in front of him. "It's the first day, and the first day is always shit. It feels like a rock's sitting in my stomach or something and I can't take more than two steps without feeling like I'm gonna puke."

He doesn't mean to unload it all onto his boyfriend, but he asked for it. His perfect, wonderful boyfriend who takes it all in stride without a single hint of judgement or disgust.

"I'm hormonal as fuck, man, and it’s like customers chose today specifically to be even more annoying than they usually are, like they made it their personal mission or some shit."

Steve looks to the front of the store where Robin is still at the counter and then back at Eddie. "Robin keeps asking me if I'm alright, and I love her, Eds, I really do, but if she keeps it up, I'm gonna end up snapping at her and then she'll cry and that'll make me feel even worse."

Steve takes a deep breath, holds in it for ten seconds, and exhales. "I just need a break," he says, sounding defeated, and so so tired. "I just need to be alone for five minutes, and–"

Eddie, who has been quiet this whole time, like a saint, letting Steve rant until he runs out of steam, tilts his head and looks at him with those big Bambi eyes Steve loves so much.

"And what, Stevie?" he asks gently.

Something in Steve's chest snaps and his bottom lip wobbles before he can stop it. The back of his throat burns like it always does when he's about to cry, and– yep, here come the tears.

He takes a shaky breath and his voice breaks when he says, "I need you."

Eddie's expression falls into something Steve absolutely hates. "Baby–"

Steve clears his throat and the tears are gone as quick as they came, though his eyes are a little red rimmed and shiny.

He shakes his head and waves Eddie off, putting more tapes on the shelves like he didn't just have a mini breakdown in the middle of his shift. "It's fine, Eddie, really. I'll just, I don't know, take a painkiller and tough the next couple hours out."

The tape he's holding is gently taken from him and set on the shelf for him. Eddie levels him with a raised eyebrow.

"Is that really what you want to do?"

Steve bites his lip. He doesn't. Work is the last place he wants to be at today, or this whole week for that matter.

He shakes his head with a soft, "No."

"Okay, then."

Eddie tells him to go grab his things from the break room. Steve is too exhausted to argue. He comes back to the front counter but before Robin can launch into a lengthy apology, Eddie interrupts her with a minute shake of his head.

Steve holds his arms out and pulls her in for a hug anyway.

"I'm sorry for being an ass all day," he says and plants a kiss on the top of her head.

Robin hugs him back and kisses his cheek. "I'm sorry for being pushy." She pulls back and takes Steve's hands in hers, lacing their fingers together. "Hope you feel better soon, dingus."

Steve can't leave his car at work overnight so he follows Eddie's van to the trailer. He grabs one of Eddie's pullover hoodies out of his closet once they're inside and a pair of baggy sweatpants before making a beeline for the bathroom to pee and change his pad.

Soon enough, Steve comfortable and cozy on the couch, covered with at least two blankets and even more pillows, his hood pulled over his head and mussing his hair up even more. Eddie's got My Friend Is a Vampire playing on the TV, but Steve's saving grace is the heating pad that's covering his waist under the blankets.

Steve groans softly as he's hit with more cramps and shifts his hips against them.

"Here, sweetheart." Eddie comes back from the kitchen and hands him a cup of hot chocolate. He reclaims his spot next to Steve, boxing him between his body and the back of the couch. "How you feeling?"

"Like shit," Steve grumps, taking a sip and reaching back to set the mug on the side table. "I'd rather take being gnawed on by demobats than have to deal with these cramps. At least I can see the bats and try to stop them." He winds his arms around Eddie's waist and rests his head on his shoulder.

Eddie crinkles his nose in distaste. "Frankly, babe, I'd rather you not go through either." He rubs his thumb over the skin of Steve's hip. "What's stopping you from using all that government money to pay for your surgery?"

Steve hums and turns his nose into Eddie's neck, smiling against the skin. "I wanna get at least one kid out of you before I do that."

They've talked about this. In length. Eddie was there for the Winnebago conversation. Steve wasn't lying back then, but he's since realized he was wanting all those things with the wrong person.

"Yeah?" Eddie's voice is amused. "You want a couple Harrington spawn running around the trailer park?"

"Nah, was thinking more along the lines of a Munson brat."

Eddie stills against him.

Steve comes out from his hiding spot and grins at the look on his boyfriend's face. He leans up and kisses his cheek. "Did I break your brain on that one, honey?"

Eddie shakes himself out of his stupor and cups Steve's face, pressing him into the couch so he can kiss him silly.

"I'm gonna give you so many Munson brats, baby," he promises between leaving kisses all over Steve's face and Steve's giggles. "You won't even know what hit ya by the time I'm through with you."

Steve guffaws and lets Eddie cover him with kisses and love.

"I'll hold you to that, baby, don't worry."

#cj writes #steddie #steddie ficlet #ftm steve #ftm steve harrington #trans steve harrington #wrote this on tuesday when i started my period and was feeling like shit #now it's saturday and my period is over #cj talks

[midnightcinderella]

People who would suffer at NRC

Each dorm has at least one of these students and god help them. This is very self-indulgent and each trait applies to me. If you relate, then rip to the both of us.

No proof-reading, we rawdog this shit. Word count: ~1300 Notes: no gendered pronouns for reader. mentions of ADHD, depression, and anxiety. mentions of illness. no romantic relationships

Heartslabyul

People with ADHD. Rip to us fr.

You'd forget at least a handful of rules a day, but it's really not your fault. Riddle better get off your case istg.

The ones who are more devoted to remaining productive make big colorful signs all over the damn place.

In their own rooms would be stuff like a box that says "keys and wallet go here" or a sign by the door with a checklist of what they need before they go, like homework or textbooks.

There are signs in common areas, too. They'll say stuff like curfew times or reminders of jobs that need to be done around the dorm.

There's always backlash if Riddle tries to take them down for being an eyesore because not only do they help ADHD students remember what needs to be done but students without ADHD, too. No sane person is gonna be thinking about feeding flamingos 24/7.

Savanaclaw

People with asthma. Place is dusty as shit. And hot. And humid at times.

I'm surprised the beastman students haven't taken any measure to seal off the inside of the dorm to prevent and from getting in. Guess everyone doesn't mind inhaling dust straight into their lungs.

Not to mention regular exercise is a dorm-wide tradition. Shoutout to my fellow mile walkers <3

If you have asthma and a dander/dust allergy, I'd just drop out tbh.

People who easily overheat/sweat. Double rip to us.

Get ready to go back and forth with your dormmates about smelling bad after sweating. It's a common occurrence. Someone sasses you, you sass back, and you're friends again 3 minutes later.

Everyone will think you're dying when you're dripping sweat after some stretches outside. No, you're not tired, you're just hot.

Octavinelle

People who are bad at math/bad with money. Listen.

The dorm isn't full of people who are as business minded as Azul, but there are students that offer accounting help for a fee. Negotiate that fee for the love of god.

Thankfully, you won't be scammed out of house and home because:

(1) it's generally frowned upon to scam people within Octavinelle; you don't hurt one of your own. It's about loyalty.

(2) someone is likely to take pity on you and will throw you a bone, telling you about a huge sale or where to find good job opportunities.

People who are gullible. Once again, double rip.

And once again, thank the lucky stars that loyalty is such a big thing here so you might be tricked into doing someone's job for them like mopping the Lounge, but nothing that would hurt you too badly.

If a study partner tries to feed you false information for shiggles, that'll get shut down real quick by another student. If your grades go down, then the whole dorm goes with you.

Good thing that doesn't happen often, and Azul offers his study guides for a highly discounted price to his own.

Scarabia

People who don't do well with sudden changes in temperature. Man, listen.

Hellishly hot during the day and even more hellishly cold at night. Dante would be thrilled.

God forbid you have any athletic activities close to sunset because you'll have to shower off that sweat quick before you freeze to death.

If anyone has a problem with the sound of the hairdryer after sundown, they're just gonna have to deal with it or risk catching your inevitable cold.

Speaking of, if sudden changes in temperature make you sick, double rip. I know your pain.

Kalim may not be able to come see you in person, but if he finds out you're sick, he'll send meds and some warm food. If that food was made by Jamil, then you owe him one.

You don't wanna owe him one.

If you need to leave your room after sundown, you're going to do it wrapped up with a blanket over your head. If someone mistakes you for a ghoul, that's their own problem.

Pomefiore

People with depression. Listen. Someone without depression could find it hard to keep such a strict regimen day in and day out; do not expect too much out of us.

If you think that means you're getting out of it, though, you'd be wrong.

Group accountability is a thing here. If you need help sticking to your routine, you're getting it. You can't refuse.

You're all going to be beautiful together, goddammit.

If that chronic fatigue be hittin ya, you might get a pass for a few steps of your routine. But if a particularly caring dormmate decides you have to do the full routine and straight up does it for you, lol.

Depending on how you view that sort of help, it might be really nice. Or maybe a little humiliating.

The dorm kitchen is only going to have healthy ready-made snacks. So if it's a day where you can't cook or go all the way to the cafeteria, that is what you're working with. Either that or you crawl your way over the the Shop for a candy bar.

Ignihyde

People who struggle with technology. Yes there are young people who aren't great with technology. We exist. Mind your business.

No matter how many classes you take teaching you how to use MagExcel, it never sticks for long. Even if you pass the exams, all your knowledge leaves to go buy milk by the time the week is over.

You're gonna need to interrupt people's gaming sessions to ask for help. It may annoy them, but you're doing it anyway because you refuse the reinvent the wheel 12 times.

People who prefer paper over screens. Call me old fashioned but staring at screens all day Hurts My Eyes.

You'd get physical copies of your textbooks if you could, but those free pdfs your classmates pass around are too tempting to pass up. They're free, for god's sake.

You also might be limited to board games on game nights. They're not bad, but there's not a whole lot you can do with them. You're a wiz at Cards Against Reality tho.

Every so often Ignihyde has a dorm-wide game night where everyone sits around in the common room with their headphones in, playing their own games. Together.

Though the board game players are in the next room. Oddly enough, they're the rowdiest of the bunch, and it sounds like they have the most fun by the way they're yelling and cheering.

You have seen some nerd fights start over a game of Ichi.

Diasomnia

People who have anxiety. One, Lilia is a menace. Two, your housewarden is the Malleus Draconia. Meep.

Whether it's Lilia or Malleus you run into, it feels like your heart will explode at any time.

Not to mention it's so dark in and outside of the building for no good reason. What's a fella gotta do to get some fucking sunlight in here? You're sick of worrying about what could be behind every corner.

You once wondered if Malleus needed a UV/heat lamp, but knew better than to ask. That doesn't mean you're not curious, though.

People who dislike loud sounds. I don't think I have to explain this one.

At first you thought that staying near Silver meant that you'd be staying away from Sebek, but that wasn't the case and you were at a loss as to what to do.

Then you tried going in the other direction whenever you saw Malleus, but all that did was send Sebek after you personally, asking very loudly why you did not want to be around Lord Malleus.

At one point, you got sick of his shit and muzzled him via magic. Then Malleus showed up and you were all oh shit. But then all he did was chuckle about how you were getting along so well. You took that to mean he wouldn't ever stop you from muzzling Sebek.

You were right.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland headcanons #twst headcanons #twisted wonderland imagines #twst imagines #missy writes #gender neutral reader

[ineffable-suffering]

Aziraphale, I love you. But you lied. And here's why.

Okay. I’m not gonna beat around the bush for too long. It’s time now for me to also throw my try at a personal Good Omens Season 2 Magnum Opus into the mix of already existing magnum op..i? Opusses? (Smited? Smote?)

If I’m honest, it isn’t fully my own magnum opus, as I read this meta not too long ago that made me go: „Oh! My God! That’s it!“ And I’m pretty sure a lot of other people have clocked this too by now. Of course I’m not saying it’s the objective truth but after having mulled it over for many endless nights and days, wading through the onslaught of coffee theories, body swap theories, The Metatron re-writing the Book of Life theories and many, many more, this is the one I think is most plausible and, if you look closely, most obvious.

And it goes as such: Aziraphale lied.

To all of us. All of them. And most of all, to Crowley. He lied to him. Well, he sort of did and also sort of didn’t. He certainly didn’t tell the truth. At least not all of it. I hear you ask: “OP, what the fuck are you talking about”. I answer you: Let’s start from the top and under the cut.

(Small note: this meta ended up being way too large for Tumblr, which is why I will redirect you to an external doc at the end of the post, where I have written it all down nicely and accurately. It's about 35 digital A4-pages long, just in case you want to save it for later.)

(Word count: 12.831 | Approximate reading time: 50 minutes)

Let’s start with a short recap of what happens before the Metatron crashes the bookshop party and everything goes to shit. The proper visuals for this are in my Tumblr post but I am absolutely convinced that right up until when the Metatron comes to take Aziraphale away and talk to him, the angel is fully ready to get into Crowley’s Bentley-chariot and finally ride off into the sunset (or Alpha Centauri-set or whatever). You can see it in his face and body language. You can see when the penny drops for him that a) Crowley loves him b) he loves Crowley and c) they can finally start their happily ever after. Aziraphale realizes this all throughout said Brielzebub reveal in the bookshop. And he’s such a lost cause once he does. 

I mean, look at that. Look at it. This (very shitty recording, sorry, I'm not tech-savvy enough to avoid the Amazon Prime screen recording blocker) is the very second Aziraphale realizes hat Crowley loves him. When he hears him suggest Alpha bloody Centauri as a getaway for Gabriel and Beelzebub, as Crowley has done to Aziraphale for so, so many times now. He finally understands what Crowley was trying to tell him with that all those times.

Aziraphale realizes this all throughout the Brielzebub reveal in the bookshop. And he’s such a lost cause once he does.

Right when Crowley suggest Alpha Centauri as a nice getaway spot to the two, Aziraphale looks at him and he gets it. That Crowley has loved him, has been loving him for millennia. Truthfully, they've both known that for a long while now. But there's a difference between knowing, wanting, craving and actually being able to finally have something. And that's exactly what we see on Aziraphale's face here. This is it. This is where it all starts working out for Crowley and him. This is were they can start their eternity together.

So from that second on, Aziraphale only has eyes for Crowley. He keeps physically pawing at Crowley with complete heart eyes, as if to say „Look, look, that’s gonna be us too! Finally!" He’s actually so smitten that he doesn’t even hear what Crowley is saying when he asks Shax if he can have back his apartment now because he’s sick of living in his car. (Also, what way to drop that bomb right in this moment Crowley, lmao). 

Once the Metatron comes in, the first thing Aziraphale says is that they don’t need to talk because „he’s made his position quite clear“. He doesn’t even want to talk to the Metatron, because in his mind, he’s already made the choice. Actually, he made the choice way before the bookshop showdown. For starters, I’m convinced that the Jane Austen Ball actually never was for Maggie and Nina but for Crowley and him (you can read more about that here). And apart from that, for this whole season we have seen Aziraphale trying to advance his relationship with Crowley romantically and domestically and move them to the literal next base (our car!). And after everything he just witnessed with Brielzebub, the final nail in the coffin of ethereal-infernal romance being possible, his choice is absolutely crystal clear: It’s Crowley. It’s always been Crowley and it always will be Crowley. And now it can be Crowley. They can be an us.

The whole of Season 2 is such a massive learning curve for Aziraphale’s character, with him remembering all those important pivotal points of his past,  and this very moment is the peak, with him not only understanding that Crowley loves him (because he certainly knew for quite some centuries now) but accepting that love, letting himself have that love, being allowed to want that love and taking that love and starting their new and final chapter with it. Nevertheless, the plot clock ticks for them. The Metatron saunters into the bookshop, evil and stinky as Metatrons do, and urges Aziraphale to come with him with his whole Take The Coffee schtick, which I will get into later. And Aziraphale, immediately sensing there’s Something Up, does. Can’t really turn down someone as high-ranking as the the voice of God, after all. Even if you were currently already planning how you were going to elope with a certain red-haired serpent of Eden. 

he next time we see Aziraphale on screen, it’s so painfully evident on his face that he is neither happy nor excited. Not even the slightest bit. We’d know if he was, thanks to Mr. Michael master-of-microexpressions Sheen. None of the usual “Aziraphale is happy”-signs are there. No blinding eye-smile, no giddy wriggling, not giggles and gasps. No, when the Metatron tells Aziraphale to „go tell your friend the good news“, his expression looks like this:

I’m gonna go out on an entire limb here and say: That does not look like someone who’s absolutely tickety-boo hyped to tell his demon soulmate that he just got the juiciest promotion and that they can both be angels and live happily ever after in ethereal eternity now.

This, folks, looks like someone who knows exactly that the news he has to break right now, are going to be tickety-shit awful and very upsetting to said demon soulmate. And already, from that very short snippet of conversation, we can tell that Aziraphale isn’t really given a choice by the Metatron. Because while the Metatron does tell him that he doesn’t have to „answer right away“, he immediately follows it up by: „Go ahead and tell your friend the good news!“ Very distinct and definitive choice of words here. It’s “good news” because it’s already been decided. Because it’s already a done deal. There is no “yes, no, maybe”. This is the only choice he’s giving to Aziraphale. Because it’s ‘Coffee or death’. 

And he already gave him the coffee. 

***

Tumblr won't let me continue this over a certain character limit and I am not even remotely done yet – so, I feel like this is a good moment to redirect you to the continuation of this insane meta before we're in too deep. You can do so right here!

I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions about this once you've fought your way through it. Hope you have a good time with it!

#good omens #good omens s2 #good omens season 2 #good omens meta #good omens analysis #neil gaiman #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens predictions #i lost my mind writing this #it must be nice to be able to be a casual enjoyer of media #who doesnt spend 5 days writing a 22 page document on an angle and why he lied to his demon boyfriend #my own meta

[theanimeoftheblackbunnymask]

What type of yandere do you think sigma and nikolai would be?

Sure!

Links: {Masterlist} {Jouno and Tecchou Yandere Idea}

Nikolai Gogol (Yandere Idea)

Nikolai is a lot to deal with, privacy is no longer a thing. Nikolai will never give you moment of peace. He's always talking to you, throwing random quizzes at you, using his ability to either see you, touch you or just mess with you.

But don't let this fool you, Nikolai is quite the manipulator. Nikolai tends to guilt trip you a lot, and likes to mock you and degrade you for his personal amusement while he hugs you.

A question you ask yourself a lot is if he actually loves you. It's not on a "He treats me like shit," kind of way, it'd more like, "He treats like I'm a pet/doll."

Nikolai often dresses you up in little outfits and has you help out with his tricks, even if they're super easy. Nikolai confuses you a lot. He claims that he hates human emotions and will kill you eventually, but his actions often contradict himself.

Also, out of all the yanderes, his punishments are the most cruel. His often energetic personality becomes a lot more sinister when he's upset. His smile wouldn't have any joy, it would sadistic and filled with anger, and the look in his eyes send a chill down your spine. When it comes to actual punishments, I can see Nikolai being on the more physical and emotional side of things. His punishments are often a mixture of emotional and physical pain. He'd always start his punishments off as a game, giving you two options on which game the two of you will be playing. This really fucks with your brain because he'll purposely make the game you choose harder and more painful. Games often very, but all of them end with you hiding in a dark corner, hugging your knees as you cry. Nikolai would only laugh at your expense and tell you that you're no fun. But keep in mind, his energy and joy during punishments is all an act, if you tic him off during these punishments, even a little bit, the facade will drop.

If it wasn't clear enough, Nikolai is definitely on the more playful and teasing side of things as a yandere, rarely taking things seriously and constantly being a pain in your side. It takes a lot to make him mad, he's attempting to lose all emotions afterall, but if you do, he just becomes a husk of a person, a truly terrifying sight.

King of stalking. He can literally disguise himself as anyone, and he uses this skill to his advantage. He often pretends to be the worker at places you often go to. That one Cafe across the street, oh yeah, he was hired there last week.

However, despite his strong desire to kill you, his biggest fear is losing you. You make him feel something, you make feel love, you make him weak. You keep him bound to the chains of emotions and make him never reach true freedom, so he wants to kill you, to be freed of you. But, the way you smile, the way you cry when he hurts you, the you walk, the way you yell at him when you grow sick of his mind games and quizzes, he grows more and more obsessed. He can't let you go. He just can't.

Fyodor influences his actions like crazy ngl. He loves talking about you, especially to Fyodor, and one day Fyodor told him that if he truly wanted you to love him, even if he does cruel things to you, he'd have to break you down into nothing, make you dependent on him for everything, and then build you back up in his image. However, Nikolai wants a doll that still has a lot of life in them, making you cry and scream would be much more enjoyable when it's sincere. But, a sweet, quiet, obedient doll, he wouldn't mind that either. With Nikolai, I feel like your actions will dictate how he'll want you.

Nikolai is very hard yandere to understand, and if his darling even wants to try and use Manipulation to get their way, you got another thing coming. Nikolai is far from dumb, and is also extremely aware, so sure, he'll play into the idea that you're gaining control over him day by day, but in reality, it's the other way around.

So in conclusion, Nikolai is definitely one of the more scary yanderes. He's extremely deceiving, but if I had to compare him to Fyodor, Dazai, or even worse, Jouno, than he's a fucking angel.

Sigma (Yandere Idea)

Sigma would be the sweetest fucking yandere, dear lord.

Sigma is probably the only yandere in BSD that wouldn't be abusive in nature. Maybe a little bit manipulative, but that's damn near about it.

I can see Sigma being a very protective darling, wanting to keep you away from any harm, emotional and physical.

He would do everything in his power to keep you a secret. He's already in a very dangerous position as a member of the DOA, but if Nikolai, or even worse Fyodor, finds out about your existence, he can't help but imagine what they'll do to you.

I'd say the relationship Sigma would have with his darling would be pretty normal for the most part. Whenever he comes home after a long day at the casino, he always makes sure to get you a gift, may it be flowers or a piece of jewelry.

Sigma would be very awkward with his love. He's barely lived life, let alone been in a relationship. The feelings he has for you are very foreign and often causes him stress, but whenever you do something romantic for him, he often goes blank.

Now, would Sigma kidnap you? Ehhhh, maybe, it depends. Sigma doesn't want to hurt you in anyway, and if you're not very keen on the idea of being kidnapped, he'll have to find another way to get to you.

When it comes to the topic of punishments, Sigma hates them. Sigma is extremely patient, so making him so upset to the point he'll punish you is a fucking talent. But, his punishments would be very light. He'll lock you in your room as a punishment, but the moment you start crying and begging to be let out, he caves. He has a massive soft spot for you and just wants your love and affection.

One downside of being with Sigma is your freedom. Sigma is very concerned about your safety, so in the beginning he would keep you hidden while he tended at the casino. However, as time went on, his paranoia began to grow. What if someone finds you and you get hurt? What if you get kidnapped? What if you left him? Thoughts like that would race in his head while at the casino, causing him to not be at the top of his game. So, he decided to keep you at the casino with him, keeping in his office while be worked. Keeping you secret from the DOA became significantly harder, but at least you're not alone.

You would definitely get stockholm syndrome with Sigma, if not just fall in love with him normally. Sigma is such a sweetheart, probably the best boyfriend in BSD. He is very awkward in the beginning due to him being unfamiliar with romance, but once he gets more comfortable, he becomes the perfect boyfriend.

#bsd x reader #bsd x y/n #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #yandere bsd #yandere bungou stray dogs #yandere nikolai gogol #nikolai x reader #yandere nikolai x reader #nikolai gogol x reader #nikolai x you #nikolai gogol #Yandere Nikolai gigolo #sigma x reader #sigma x you #sigma x y/n #Yandere Sigma #bsd x you #yandere bsd x reader #bsd x gender neutral reader #bsd x female reader #yandere x darling #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #bsd nikolai x reader #bsd sigma x reader

[slasher-male-wife]

Horror characters taking care of their sick s/o

I'm in my sick Victorian boy era. I'm being dramatic because I have a mild case of the flu. I need to write something to keep myself sane so why not write for some characters I haven't written about for awhile.

Includes: Amanda Young, Adam Faulkner, Will Graham, Hannibal Lecter, and Pyramid head

Warnings: Reader is sick, some of these characters aren't super smart, mentions of vomit and medication, vague talk of cannibalism and violence

Amanda Young

Amanda has basic medical knowledge and when she sees you getting sick she's quick to get you to stay in bed and will be a little overbearing. She's been taking care of John for awhile and seeing her partner sick makes her very worried.

She's going to spend any free time she has taking care of you. She knows you're going to be fine but that's not going to stop her from becoming your personal nurse.

She wants to avoid using medication unless a doctor tells her to use them. She thinks because medication isn't working for John that must mean it won't really work for you.

She knows to keep some distance but she's still going to be around you and touch you. She might intentionally spend more time around you then get closer to Hoffman to try and get him sick.

She might talk to Lawrence about what she should be doing and your symptoms. If you know that she's a jigsaw apprentice she'll introduce you to him as her coworker. But if you don't she'll either bribe him into seeing you or just take his advice.

She is reminded of what happened at the gas house and if you're sick enough that you start to throw she'll need to leave the room and probably spend some time to compose herself. I strongly believe that what jigsaw did to her really messed her up but she denies it.

Adam Faulkner

Oh my god if he finds out you're sick I hope you're ready for him to try and help but honestly just make a fool of himself.

You're hopefully not living in his apartment anymore and depending on your temperature and the weather he's going to keep your bedroom window open because "fresh air helps".

He thinks that he doesn't have to keep space from you because you're dating and he probably ends up getting sick himself. But no matter how much you tell him to stay away so he doesn't get sick he won't listen.

While he's out working (probably for jigsaw) he'll leave out medication for you to take, food you can heat up or just eat cold, and probably gives you anything you need to stay entertained.

If you call him for anything he's dropping whatever he's doing to go help you. You have to literally tell him several times that he doesn't have to rush home and you can stay on your own while he works.

He probably doesn't have any insurance just by judging his apartment so unless you absolutely need to see a doctor he's going to be the one taking care of you.

Will Graham

His medical knowledge is better than some people in these head canons but it's still not the best. I feel like if it's anything than a mild case of the cold or the flu he's taking you to a doctor.

Probably looks up if human illnesses can transfer to dogs. Either way he's keeping his dogs away from you until you feel better.

Will not let you out of bed unless you're going to the bathroom. He deals with blood and guts for a living so dealing with someone who's sick is probably a vacation for him.

Will is going to try to keep Hannibal away from you while you're sick for so many reasons. But Hannibal is probably going to end up seeing you anyway because Will is going to cave.

If the weather and your health allows he's going to take you outside for fresh air like you're a consumption patient from 1912. He will let his dogs around you if you're outside.

Will guilt Jack into letting him stay home for a few days to take care of you. He is going to bring up everything Jack has ever done to him. "Hey Jack I need to stay home to take care of my partner. I know you'll let me take it off since you made me work while I had ensyphilitis."

Hannibal Lecter

He's a literal doctor but also a fucking weirdo so be careful. He'll still take good care of you but will also take the time to get into philosophical discussions with you while you're half asleep.

He refuses to give you anything store bought to eat. Will literally make crackers and break from scratch for you to eat. He'll lay off on the human meat until you're better.

Will not allow you to use one of his bowls as a "throw up bowl" You're using the bathroom to do so, he doesn't care if you accidentally vomit on his floors because he can clean the floor, but his bowls are too valuable.

He won't let you spend all day looking at screens. Hannibal will provide you with any kind of entertainment you want to get you off screens for awhile. He will get you whatever books you want or any other low energy activity.

Will insist on keeping your space clean. Will wash your sheets often and insists on giving you a bath, the temperature depending on if you have a fever or not.

He will keep a sort of distance from you but will also be near you. He will take precautions of course but he can't stop himself from spending time in your room, talking with you.

Pyramid head

He has little knowledge of human illnesses, because he's a demi god of sorts he never really gets sick. So when he sees you get cold sweats or start having a bad cough he's confused about why it's happening. '

You'll have to educate him on your condition and tell him what he needs to do to help you. I don't think there's any medication you can take in silent hill but he can probably find you something to help.

He also probably can't get sick so he doesn't have to worry about getting too close to you. If you try to pull away from him to hide your cough or sneeze he'll just pull you back. Even if he did get a cold from you he'd get over it pretty quickly.

He'll honestly want to be pretty touchy all the time even when you're not sick because he's never had human contact before. You'll probably have to explain to him that cuddling isn't the best thing when you have a fever.

He's going to try and get you as comfortable as possible while he's busy doing Pyramid Head stuff. It all depends on your condition and you'll have to explain to him what you need.

He also doesn't really understand germs so you'll have to explain them to him and why you need to keep yourself and your area clean and why you can't just throw up anywhere. After that he'll get you something to use for that then just throw it somewhere.

#amanda young x reader #adam faulkner stanheight x reader #adam faulkner x reader #adam faulkner stanheight x yn #will grahm x reader #will grahm x you #hannibal lecter #hannibal x reader #hannibal nbc #pyramid head x reader #slasher x y/n #slasher x reader #slasher fanfiction

[battleline]

The Stella Problem

THE STELLA PROBLEM

AKA

HOW TO MESS UP A POTENTIALLY GREAT ANTAGONIST

Hoo boy, where do we begin with this one? Well, let’s start with the introduction and go from there.

Who is Stella?

Stella’s original design (Helluva Boss (Pilot))

Stella Goetia is the wife of Prince Stolas Goetia, one of the main cast members, who we first meet in the pilot briefly for a few seconds, having been splattered with cake when Blitzo drops in, telling her that he slept with her husband and runs off with the grimoire (being the thing he came for). The fallout from Stolas’ cheating on Stella is one of the major plot points within the show, with it almost always being prevalent in episodes involving Stolas.

Stella’s first appearance in the series proper (Loo Loo Land (S1, E2))

In ‘Loo Loo Land’, the episode starts with a brief flashback, where Stolas is stirred awake by Octavia’s crying for them, and we are given a glimpse of Stella, who had undergone a redesign between the pilot and now, and when Stolas tells her that Octavia is calling for them, Stella simply tells him to take care of her, and you can see her hogging the blankets.

Stella being furious (Loo Loo Land (S1, E2))

Later on, in present day, some times after Stolas and Blitzo’s affair, Stella is furiously shouting at him, going as far as to throw stuff, stating her disbelief that Stolas had slept with ‘an imp’ in their bed, getting more aggravated when Stolas brought up not having time to go to a motel, and after throwing one of their imps at Stolas, she calls him a ‘goddamn embarrassment’ before storming off

As you can tell by now, Stella is not the most pleasant person to be around. Even before the affair, it seems Stolas and Stella’s relationship is not the greatest, and Stolas’ affair seems to only have made things a lot worse. On top of that, she has a pretty nasty temper, throwing stuff around and shouting. On one hand, she has anger issues, but on the other hand, she was cheated on, and if the amount of revenge Reddit stories surrounding cheating that I listened to taught me anything, cheating really pisses people off. Although, it would seem that she was more angry about Stolas’ affair partner being an imp rather than the cheating, suggesting that she has a bit of classism about her.

We would not see Stella again for the rest of the episode (or the next two for that matter), but she would get a brief mention towards the end of the episode, when Octavia runs away from Stolas at Loo Loo Land, having grown sick of Stolas flirting with Blitzo throughout the episode. Stolas would come to find her again in a funhouse, and the two would have the following discussion:

Stolas and Octavia’s heart-to-heart talk (Loo Loo Land (S1, E2))

---------------------------------------------------------------

Stolas: I take it you are… not having fun.

Octavia: (crying) I didn’t even want to come here!

Stolas: I’m sorry, sweetie. I… I thought you loved it here.

Octavia: (sniffing) When I was a kid and my parents didn’t hate each other… and my dad didn’t flirt with some… weird red dickhead the entire time.

Stolas: I'm sorry, Via. I'm sorry for... everything... happening right now. I know it's... a lot. I, uh-- I should have listened.

Octavia: (crying) I just want to go home... but home doesn't even feel like home anymore... You ruined it.

Stolas: You need to understand... your mother and I... I just-... I felt-... She's always been... I haven't been- Ha-... We weren't in... I'm sorry, I- I- I don't have the words.

---------------------------------------------------------------

This talk illuminated two things: one, Stolas and Stella’s relationship was at a point where they did not hate each other. Now, this could mean many things, but at the very least, things were better. Two, it is implied that they weren’t in love, suggesting that perhaps that they were in an arranged marriage (which would be confirmed in season two, but we will get to that soon). But I do want people to remember the above conversation when we do.

Stella speaking to Striker regarding killing Stolas (Harvest Moon Festival (S1, E5))

We would see Stella again in ‘Harvest Moon Festival’ towards the very end, being revealed to be the one who hired Striker, a cowboy-themed assassin, to kill Stolas. Striker reports that he failed to kill him, but he won’t fail again, and Stella angrily states that he better not, as she quotes:

“I want this cheating prick dead! I don’t care who you have to go through! MAKE IT HAPPEN!!”

Stella

Stolas, Octavia, and Stella at the dining table (Harvest Moon Festival (S1, E5))

We then cut to her pretty much stating this right in front of Stolas and Octavia, but neither seem to take notice, though Stolas does pause for a moment.

It would seem that Stella’s anger towards Stolas for his infidelity had finally reached a breaking point in which she now wants him dead, giving zero regards as to the consequences or the effect it could have on their daughter. Indeed, it would seem she would be an antagonist for I.M.P. and Stolas to overcome in a future episode… but let’s put a pin in that for now.

Unfortunately, this would be the last episode in which Stella has a speaking role in the season, although she would go on to make a silent cameo in ‘Ozzie’s’, when a image of her and Octavia are brought up to shame Stolas during the ‘House of Asmodeus’ song:

Ozzie showing an illusion of Stella to Stolas (OZZIE’S (S1, E7))

“You used to have a smoking wife, a kid, you had it all”

“I hope you didn’t give it up. So, you and him could get it on”

House of Asmodeus

Now, following this line, Stolas would go on to hide behind a menu in shame, most likely because he was ashamed to be dating an imp (thus caused a rift between him and Blitzo), but from the way Ozzie phrased those lines, it could imply that Stolas has regret for his actions, not just because of how he hurt Octavia, but perhaps for how he hurt Stella. Either that, or Ozzie had no idea (which is just as possible).

And that would be all for Season 1, and due to legal issues for ‘Queen Bee’ (which I will probably talk about for another day), we would skip to Season 2 nearly a year later. While what we saw of Stella was really short (amounting to 36 seconds of screen time within the entire first season), it would seem we had a potential for a very intriguing character.

Sure, all we saw of her so far was her telling Stolas to take care of Octavia, her yelling at Stolas over his affair, her yelling at Striker to not fail again, and then a silent cameo. But hey, surely Season 2 would finally give us some much needed development. Maybe we would get a glimpse of how she and Stolas met, a better look at what Stella was like before Blitzo, and maybe see how her relationship with Stolas had deteriorated. And maybe finally see what her and Octavia’s relationship is like. Heck, in February 2022, we learn that she has a brother in Andrealphus (described as Stolas’s shitty brother-in-law):

Andrealphus

So, yeah, it looked like we were in for something very neat… but what we got was…

The Circus (woo…)

After a long hiatus brought upon by an episode being stuck in legal limbo, the season 2 premiere came out, being ‘The Circus’, an episode that would go into Stolas’ past at two points in his life, being his childhood and to right before his affair with Blitzo, as well catching up with him after the events of ‘Ozzie’s’. Naturally, Stella would be in this episode.

The episode opens up on a child Stolas’ birthday, where he meets with his father Paimon, who proceeds to tell him what is expected of him as a Goetia, giving him the grimoire. He would also point out briskly that he is to be married, showing a… well, not so flattering pic of his to-be wife.

Child Stella tormenting two quieves (The Circus (S2, E1))

(Yeah, that’s what they’re called. Vivienne (or someone) made the conscious decision to name a species after a woman’s genital flatulence. Riveting 🙄)

And naturally, child Stolas is not enthused, crying on sight.

Okay, so Stella apparently was a little terror growing up. Okay, not too terrible, I mean, considering what we have seen of her in the first season, it would track that she grew up with anger issues her whole life, and it followed her well into adulthood. But it does confirm that Stolas and Stella were an arranged marriage… so perhaps, this could simply be her lashing out? I mean, Stolas wasn’t thrilled, so I doubt she would too.

Now, despite being shown this pic,  we never do see child Stella in person, this part of the episode being dedicated to Stolas meeting and spending the day with child Blitzo, culminating in him tricking Stolas into helping him rob the palace blind and give the loot to Blitzo’s asshole dad Cash. All of which is a whole nother beast. But let’s save that for another day.

We skip ahead 25 years later in the episode, where we see a grown up Stolas waking up and going about his morning, eventually seeing Stella on the phone:

Stella on the phone (The Circus (S2, E1))

She seems to ignore Stolas as she goes about talking loudly to someone on the phone talking about how being married still is not a big occasion, but apparently, ‘it’s not easy being married to a boring stiff.’, and brushes Stolas off when he tries to greet her. Seconds later, Stolas would frown and ask about a ‘Still Not Divorced Party’ that she is throwing, where she nonchalantly said she likes throwing parties, and it’s true either way, and then said he could come if he wants.

Okay, this is… nothing new. I mean, Stolas and Stella were already on the decline even before Stolas and Blitzo happened, if that flashback at the start of ‘Loo Loo Land’ was any indication, and since we know they were forced to marry, even more of a reason for Stella to not be kind to him. But hey, at least in this scene, she’s not yelling, like in 90% of the screen time she had in season one.

We then cut to the ‘Still Not Divorced’ party where we see Stella chatting with those two owls that Stella (her old design at least) was with in the Pilot and…

Stella with those two owls that were in the Pilot (The Circus (S2, E1))

(seriously, who are these two?)

---------------------------------------------------------------

Stella: (laughs loudly) No! Stolas is terrible in bed! I swear to fuck, he just lays there staring at the wall, and I have to do everything! It’s embarrassing! (sighs) I’m glad one egg fell out of me, so I could stop pretending to want to fuck his scrawny twig ass. (it’s shown that she said this right in earshot of Stolas, as the trio walks away, Stella giving a smug grin at him) Stella: What a pathetic fucking man

---------------------------------------------------------------

O-kay, this is before Stolas’ affair with Blitzo, right? I mean, we do see Blitzo sneaking around at the start of this part of the episode. If so, why is Stella being such a bitch here? I mean, I get she isn’t a pleasant person, but at least in season one, when we did see her, she had the excuse of Stolas cheating on her. Sure, it doesn’t justify trying to have him killed, but you could at least understand why she might not care for Stolas.

But here? All unprovoked and take note of what she said, because I will get into that soon.

So, after Stella leaves, Stolas and Blitzo reunite and we get a re-enactment of Blitz sneaking out with the grimoire from the Pilot, this time from Stolas’ perspective, and Stella simply shouts at him what the fuck was that, and Stolas smugly shout that it was the SOUND OF A FUCKING DIVORCE… even though in ‘Loo Loo Land’, he was being completely apologetic and said it was a spur of the moment thing and they didn’t have time for a motel, completely contradicting this scene, thus making it another point against this episode. But hey, at least it can’t get worse? Right?

Anyways, we cut to present day, after the events of ‘OZZIE’S’, where a heartbroken Stolas sings a song that’s supposed to be sorrowful, but just comes off as a bit wangsty, and then Stella comes in, wondering what he’s blubbering about, and Stolas asks what Stella is doing here and…

I like tormenting you

I like tormenting you

Tormenting you

Tor. Men. Ting. You.

(Okay, this would make more sense if this was in a video format, but imagine if the audio get lower and slower)

So… yeah, turns out Stella… is a psycho bitch, who just likes to make Stolas suffer because… well, there is no reason. She’s just into that shit.

And if that wasn’t enough, when Stolas calls her out for her cruelty and tells her that they’re getting that divorce… she tries to hit him.

So not only is she a psycho bitch, but she’s also a domestic abuser. Well, that’s a whole nother can of worms right there.

There’s so much to unpack here, but I feel we should at least cover the rest of her appearances in the series so far.

She would not appear again till ‘Western Energy’, but she does have a brief voiced cameo in ‘Seeing Stars’, the following episode (and another stinker at that), where Stolas is arguing with her while overseeing the ‘safe transferal’ of her possessions:

“What? No! I’m not turning her against you!” - Stolas (Seeing Stars (S2, E2))

Now this line could mean two different things. One, Stella is simply trying to start shit by bringing her up. Two, she is genuinely concerned (in her own way) that Stolas would try to turn her against her, which would be a legit concern in a messy divorce (this is coming from a child of such a divorce).

However, we have no way of knowing as Stella and Octavia had never interacted, like at all. Again, we’re gonna get to that, but this is another problem.

Anyways, we get to ‘Western Energy’, which opens up on Stolas, Stella, and…

…I’m sorry, who the fuck is this guy? (Western Energy (S2, E4))

Yeah, so we are joined by Stella’s brother, Andrealphus… and the show just acts like we should know who he is already.

Mind you, he has never made an appearance before this point. The only allusion we get that he existed (in-show) was Stella mentioning his name before she tries to slap Stolas in ‘The Circus’. All we get is that and that he’s apparently ‘arrogant’, according to Stolas.

Remember that tweet from February 2022, that first showed off Andrealphus? Yeah, apparently Viv and the writers thought that the tweet would suffice for an introduction, and they could just slip him into the show as if he’s always been there. This is a problem for so many reasons, the main being Vivienne and co, had already developed a bad rep for hiding lore and contextual details in supplementary media, such as Patreon or Q&A livestreams, as well as making tweets after a episode to explain something that really should had been in the episode to begin with. But not everyone has Twitter (or X as it’s called now), and unless someone showed him to you beforehand, you probably would have been confused as to who he is.

Like god damn, Viv, it’s not like there was a certain ‘Still Not Divorced’ party consisting of Goetias that Andrealphus could had easily been a part of, especially since he’s Stella’s brother, that would had not only introduced him but possibly established his role in the series, but naw, let’s just hope people seen that tweet and know who he is.

But let’s get back to Stella, shall we? Anyways, Stella and Andrealphus called Stolas here to discuss ‘compensation’ for his cheating, which amounts to some name-calling, and is quickly interrupted by Striker, who proceeds to kidnap Stolas (with Stolas catching on that Stella hired him to kill him).

We join them again halfway through the episode where Andrealphus and Stella are having tea at his palace, the two having some cheerful evil sibling banter… but then…

Andrealphus scheming… and Stella’s just sitting there (Western Energy (S2, E4))

---------------------------------------------------------------

Andrealphus: You silly minx, you (giggles). Though, you know, if your husband dies it won't turn out well for you.

Stella: He'll be dead; why wouldn't it?

Andrealphus: (somewhat concerned) Because, my dear sister, he's already produced an heir; when he dies, his duties, his possessions, his legions, it'll all pass to.... Via.

(Stella absentmindedly continues to drink without acknowledging him.)

Andrealphus: (annoyed) If you kill him, you would....

Stella: Laugh? Ha-

Andrealphus: (facepalms in anger) No, you stupid cow! You'd get nothing!... You're so lucky that you're attractive.

Stella: Well, what do you propose we do? He won't leave me anything willingly; he hates me almost as much as I hate him.

Andrealphus: Hmm. Well, this kind of situation is extremely unique; a Goetia has never behaved like this before. *stands up from his chair and walks behind Stella* But, with him alive, we have options. Opportunities. An eternity's a long time, my dear; I say we bide our time, and wait for our chance to... GAIN the upper hand.

Stella: (begins to pout and whine) Oohhhhhh, but I want him dead so badly!

Andrealphus: And he will be, in time, my fiery vixen. But, patience first; now, *hands her his customized phone* call off your mangy stray.

---------------------------------------------------------------

…Okay, so not only is she a psycho bitch, a domestic abuser…

Pictured above: a air-headed bimbo (Western Energy (S2, E4))

A DUMBASS.

I know I said Stella wanted Stolas dead, be damned the consequences, but they make her so narrow-minded that she does not realize that she would definitely get nothing, Andrealphus having to spell it out for her. In fact, that’s pretty much was the point of Andrealphus’ being in this episode: to tell Stella to tell Striker to not kill Stolas. You could have easily removed him and had Stella come to this conclusion herself… or better yet, since Striker would lose to Moxxie and Millie, just remove the scene altogether and have it be just another failure.

I could have bought that this narrow-mindedness was a product of her anger issues, because that has been established… but here? It’s because she’s dumb and she needs her big brother to tell her no. Not only does it already make her already wallowing character worse, but she is practically now playing second fiddle to her brother, making her less of a threat, and not helping Viv in beating the allegations of her female characters only be props to males. Also,  what is that incestuous vibe they got going there? Is that something that’s going to be important or be forgotten with the rest of the hanging plot threads?

And that’s pretty much all we see of her up to this point. It is possible that she will appear in the season finale (if the leaks from January 2023 are anything to go by), but considering there’s 5 episodes left in the season, and what we did get of her so far was… it’s bad. Bad, bad, bad.

So… what went wrong here?

Well, to put it in layman’s terms, they took a character with a lot of potential, a wife scorned by her unfaithful husband to the point of wanting him dead… and turned her into a one-note baddie whose sole purpose is to make Stolas miserable and nothing else… plus she’s stupid.

That’s pretty much the way to put it. And many people had voiced their dismay at this… and all the defenders and stans came out and tried to argue (or harass) people for voicing their displeasure with how this character was handled. So, I will try to voice why I feel that the writers here royally fucked up.

Point #1: Was this always fated to be? Was this a retcon? I don’t know, I barely know the lady!

So, one of the most common arguments that came up regarding Stella when ‘The Circus’ came out and messed everything up was:

“This was always how she was meant to be.”

“She was always a bad person.”

“Stella simps be mad, lol.”

I’m paraphrasing of course, but yeah, the consensus among the defenders and stans was that this was all part of Vivienne’s big plan, and she was always going to be this evil psycho bitch.

On the flip side, I had heard many fans (including the simps) complain that this was a retcon, that they had decided partway through production to just go full ‘I’m an evil piece of shit who strangles puppies and drinks childrens’ tears’ with her.

As for me, I personally disagree with the retcon… but not because it isn’t. It’s for the simple fact that for a retcon to occur,  there would have to be something to retcon to begin with!

This must bear reminding, she only had 36 seconds of screen-time in the entirety of season one. 36 seconds, little over half a minute. And it’s spread across these three scenes in two episodes (excluded the cameo in Ozzie's):

Loo Loo Land (Scene 1): she didn’t want to get up with Stolas to tend to Octavia, and she hogs the blankets.

Loo Loo Land (Scene 2): She’s pissed at Stolas for cheating on her with an imp, throwing imps and stuff around

Harvest Moon Festival (Scene 3): She wants Stolas dead for cheating on her, hiring Striker

In my opinion, the only scene that could undeniably be considered evil in this scenario is her hiring Striker to kill Stolas, but even then, it’s fueled by her wanting revenge for his infidelity (or rather, cheating with an imp). The other two were subjective, and could be interpreted many ways. All that could really be established before ‘The Circus’ was her and Stolas’ relationship was already on the decline and the affair really pissed Stella to the point that she wanted him dead. Everything else has been pretty up to interpretation, and that’s the problem.

On top of there only being 36 seconds of Stella, this was all over the course of a season, which lasted a year (excluding the delayed ‘Queen Bee’ which aired nearly two years later), and it would be around nine months before she and the series returned in ‘The Circus’. With what little there was of her, people had to use their imagination to determine what kind of character she would be:

Would she be a psychotic elitist racist, driven mad by the humiliation and rage of being cheated on with an imp? Or is someone fueled by the human desire to keep up appearances, beaten into her by a draconic hierarchy of Goetias who frowns upon the first sight of weakness? Does she see her daughter as a chess piece, intending to use her to further her agenda, or mold her into a replica of herself? Or does she truly love her daughter, which factors into why she loathes Stolas for ‘shattering’ their family? Hell, were she and Stolas friends at one point, or at least acquaintances? And was she capable of speaking like a normal person instead of screaming almost all her lines?

There were so many ways Stella’s character could have been utilized, some of which I had seen done in several fanfictions and fan comics over the course of the series. With such possibilities created expectations and hype that probably got a bit too high, but surely, if at the very least, after a very decent season one, they wouldn’t mess this up?

Well, they did.

Of all the ways they could had gone with Stella, they settled for what I believe to be the lowest denominator of a personality which is simply:

‘I am evil… maniacal laugh’

Now, I can already hear someone saying:

‘Oh, you’re just mad that Stella didn’t turn out the way you wanted.’

Granted, that is a fair argument. Again, with how little we got of her and how long the wait between episodes are, it is possible that people had set their expectations too high and they got themselves overhyped. But counterpoint: this argument only works if the character still turned out good and you just weren’t happy with the end results.

Emphasis on ‘if the character still turned out good’.

This ‘characterization’ Stella got in ‘The Circus’ amounts to ‘She was evil from the day she was born, and she hates Stolas. She hates Stolas very much.’ That’s it. That’s the rub. And following that episode, we could also add that ‘she’s dumb and narrow-minded, with her brother being a bit too infatuated with her’.

One of the big problems with this character we got is that it’s so flat. Like cardboard cutout-flat. This is infuriating because this is the same show that gave us characters that are layered and complex: you got a foul-mouth crazy clown in Blitzo who harbors a lot of guilt and self-hatred. You got a perverted demon prince in Stolas who might want something more with his impish plaything. You have a neurotic straight man in Moxxie, struggling with his own self-image. Hell, even Loona has some sort of a heart under that cold surly front. There’s also Millie, but that’s another issue for another day.

The point is, all these characters had depth and nuances to them… and Stella does not. I am not saying Stella being irredeemably evil is bad. There are several villains designed like this that are loved and applauded. In fact, later that year, we would get a villain like Stella, but done a lot better.

Jack Horner (Puss In Boots: The Last Wish (2022))

Meet Jack Horner. He is one of the three antagonists from ‘Puss In Boots: The Last Wish’. Compared to the far more sympathetic Goldilock and the Three Bears and the force of nature that is Death, Jack Horner is as evil as you can get, intending to use the Wishing Star to hoard all the magic to himself, callously treating his men as expendable till it comes down to just him, and is willing to do anything, going as far as to shoot a puppy (in the face by the way, why you ask), that even his ‘conscience’ (the Ethical Bug that’s clearly supposed to be Jiminy Cricket) outrights calls him a ‘irredeemable monster’. His response?

“Woah, woah. What took you so long, idiot?”

However, despite this, Jack is considered one of the best parts of the film, many finding him hilarious and hammy, yet somehow managing to be a menacing threat. But what made him stand out was at the time, there was this belief that irredeemable villains (or rather ‘evil for the sake of being evil’), examples being like the villains from the older Disney movies or from Saturday morning cartoons, were considered boring, less interesting than other villain archetypes, such as tragic villains or twist villains (which was Disney’s go-to for villains when not using generational trauma). Jack was considered a breath of fresh air, managing to be a memorable villain without needing any complexity or sympathetic qualities.

Now, where did Jack succeed and Stella fail?

To begin, it’s hard to make a fair comparison, as Stella is an antagonist from an indie animated adult series while Jack is from a film made by Dreamworks, and a part of a famous franchise that is Shrek. Be that as it may, I do strongly believe that Jack Horner is a good example of how to do a villain like Stella properly.

Now, Jack only has five and a half minutes of screen time and by god, does he make every scene he appears in count. Whether it’s John Mulaney’s voice-acting, the comedic timing, or just how he owns how evil he is. And he is given a backstory, where he was overshadowed by Pinocchio of all people, but the movie makes no attempt to try and make him sympathetic. They even lampshades this in a scene where he said he didn’t have much… and then proceeded to describe a very well-off lifestyle.

I do believe that why ‘I like tormenting you’ Stella doesn’t hit the same marks is that we initially had no clear indication that Stella is this horrid, irredeemable monster that hated Stolas just for breathing in season one. Sure, she wanted him dead for cheating, but this takes place in Hell, where murder and destruction happens on a daily basis. Aside from that, we had no idea how Stella treated Stolas before Blitzo came along, or how she is when she isn’t being pissed off.

Even then, all of Stella’s evilness in Season Two pretty much revolved around just hating on Stolas for no reason and wanting him dead. That’s it. It’s the same ‘Stolas is (insult)’ in the little time she has that would get old if it had time to get old. In fact, literally all but one scene with her revolves around Stolas of some sorts. The one scene that didn’t was her and Andrealphus interacting in ‘Western Energy’, and I would say that, aside from Stella being portrayed as stupid, her banter with Andrealphus was one of her better scenes and that’s a very low bar to set.

It is possible that this kind of characterization would have worked if Stella was just given more time in season one to establish this ‘I like tormenting you’ mentality. I’m not saying add her in every episode willy-nilly, but if she had even a minute or two more of screen time they could have at least made her characterization in The Circus easier to digest and nip all the hype and rampant interpretations in the bud. Another idea, though harder to pull off, would have been to just remove her from the season altogether. She was already barely in the show to begin with, and maybe with some tweaking, she could have made her debut in season two, since that’s when she became more prominent. That way, people aren’t left waiting nearly two years speculating what kind of person Stella is only to be disappointed.

Even then though, there’s no guarantee that doing this would had salvaged canon Stella, as there’s a very glaring problem that would be:

Point #2: Screams of Silence: The Story of Stolas G.

Trigger Warning: Domestic Abuse and Implied Rape

In ‘The Circus’, there are two scenes here that carry some very heavy implications. In the ‘Still Not Divorced’ party scene, as you may recall above, she says this line here:

Stella: (laughs loudly) No! Stolas is terrible in bed! I swear to fuck, he just lays there staring at the wall, and I have to do everything! It’s embarrassing! (sighs) I’m glad one egg fell out of me, so I could stop pretending to want to fuck his scrawny twig ass.

And at the very end of the episode, when Stolas said they were getting the divorce…

Yeah, so it is pretty much shown that Stella is abusive to Stolas, both mentally and physically, and judging from Stella’s line at the party, it’s possible that Stella had also raped Stolas till they had conceived Octavia.

Now, this is a very dark and possibly interesting turn for the series: it is very rare to see a woman abusing a man in media, and considering how Stolas has homosexual leanings, that and the possible ‘rape’ could make for commentary regarding the awful things the LGBTQ+ community faced.

Honestly, it would have made for a good story… if this wasn’t Helluva Boss, a series that was supposed to be a comedy. A COMEDY. And here Viv and the writers go and drop both domestic abuse and rape in a show that would go on to have scenes like this:

Dicks in the wall (Exes and Oohs (S2, E3))

And this:

Not heard: Fizzarolli describing Ozzie’s dick (Oops (S2, E6))

Before people go and complain, I am aware that there have been dark scenes in otherwise light-hearted shows, and Helluva Boss is a black comedy, so dark stuff is to be expected. But there’s a very fine line you have to be careful of when inserting stuff, lest you have scenes like the attempted rape scene in Beethoven’s 2nd.

No. I am not making that up. In Beethoven’s 2nd, a family film mind you, there is a scene where a guy attempted to rape the eldest daughter. Nothing physical happens, just him locking her in the room with him, and Beethoven ends up saving her, but yeah, imagine finding something like that in a film aimed at kids.

Up to this point, Helluva Boss had been a show that didn’t take itself too seriously. Sure, there were some dramatic scenes here and there, especially when it came down to ‘Truth Seekers’ and ‘OZZIE’S’, especially regarding Blitzo and Stolas. But even then, it was mostly relationship drama, which is par for the course for most comedy series.

But the two things that are very dangerous to handle in a comedy series, if not done tactfully, is domestic abuse or rape, and now, Helluva Boss had pulled that pin on the proverbial grenade.

There are several problems with this and I will try to tackle them. First off, let’s address the ‘possible’ rape allegation.

Note how I have been saying ‘possible’ for the past few paragraphs? Well, here’s the thing: like Stella herself season one, it’s all up to interpretation. Yes, it’s possible to see where people drew the conclusion that Stella did what she did to Stolas, but it is also very possible that Stolas simply was not attracted and therefore saw no point in trying to enjoy it. Whether this is because he was gay (fun fact: Stolas has not been officially confirmed to be gay. Look it up. I mean, it’s obvious he’s not straight, but it’s possible he could still be bi (or pan). So if you wanna ship girls with Stolas, go nuts), or were simply not into Stella in particular, no one can say for certain.

Also,  there’s a line that I feel people either hadn’t noticed or ignored in Stella’s conversation:

“I’m glad one egg fell out of me, so I could stop pretending to want to fuck his scrawny twig ass.”

Unlike Stolas being bad in bed, this line pretty much spelt it out that Stella didn’t want to have sex with Stolas either. But since an heir is what was expected of them, they pretty much had to, with Stella probably being the one who had to make the effort. A fellow critic, Schjiro, explained it to me as ‘Emotionless Fornication’, where neither party had any feeling whatsoever when engaging in intercourse. So, as far as we know, neither party wanted to do it, but had to in order to produce a precautionary heir, with Stella being the one to make the effort. Again, it is possible to see how one drew the horrid conclusion, but one thing to remember is that implication does not mean facts. Not to mention if Stella really did ‘rape’ Stolas, this would in turn mean that Octavia was a product of rape, and that is a new level of dark that I feel Helluva Boss is very ill-equipped to tackle. And even then, why is no one paying attention to the fact that Stella herself didn’t want to have sex with Stolas? That I will cover in the next point.

Now, for the domestic abuse aspect of the relationship.

Unlike the rape, there’s less room for implications, as canon Stella really took no prisoners when it comes to laying out the verbal abuse. And with it comes mental abuse. That part is covered. However, when it comes to physical abuse… that is where things get a bit wonky.

Aside from throwing objects at him in ‘Loo Loo Land’, this is the only instance in the series where Stella had physically attacked Stolas directly. Many fans/stans had taken how Stolas caught her hand so easily as her having done this many times in their marriage and Stolas had gotten so used to the physical abuse to expect it. While a plausible theory, one of the issues I have with this is if you recall that image from before...

Stella’s slap could have been seen a mile away. Now, arguably, Stolas could have just taken it, having grown accustomed to the abuse, but it’s just as plausible that Stolas caught it because it was so easily choreographed. Even then, there’s another issue I have with this.

Can Stella even physically hurt Stolas? No, I’m serious here. Can Stella actually hurt Stolas and make him bleed and stuff? It is something I have seen in many fanarts depicting the abuse, but the thing is, it was established in ‘Harvest Moon Festival’ that demon royalty can only be killed by blessed weapons. However, the show never establishes if the same rule applies to being hurt.

What I mean is, there has never been an in-show occurrence where Stolas was hurt by anything that wasn’t a blessed weapon. The only time we ever see Stolas being hurt by something at all is in this Instagram post here (after ‘Truth Seekers’):

Stolas apparently needed his arm bandaged due to a bear trap. Now, this would have made Stella being a physical abuser work… but the thing is: the instagram posts aren’t exactly canon. They do allude to things that do happen in the series proper but I believe Viv went on record to say that they were mostly for fun and weren’t to be taken seriously. So that’s a bust. But even if Stolas was able to be hurt by normal means, there’s another problem: look at ‘Western Energy’:

Striker using a ‘blessed’ weapon (Western Energy (S2, E4))

Striker here was using a blessed weapon to torture Stolas, and was gonna use it to kill him (until Stella called off the hit). And because of it, Stolas was in pretty bad shape. Now, it could be argued that Striker made his dagger ‘blessed’ so that when torturing Stolas, it would hurt more, inflicting maximum pain before going for the kill. But the thing is…

Stolas, tortured to an inch of his life by blessed weapons, was completely and utterly fine within a week as of 'Oops'. And yes, it has been a week. Earlier in ‘Oops’, Striker flat out states that he had a ‘royal on the ropes just last week’ (being Stolas). Like god damn, if Stolas could easily shrug off injuries inflicted by blessed weapons, what does that say for anything Stella could do? It’s not like Stella’s hands are made of blessed metal. And Stella has not been shown to have any sort of powers or abilities that could be considered harmful.

Now, I’m not saying that men can’t be abused by women, clearly they can. And there has been a couple of times in media it has happened. But the problem I am having is Stolas time and time again is proven to be a powerful demon prince capable of fucking shit up, yet we are expected to believe that Stella could ever lay a hand on Stolas.

In fact, it wouldn’t be far-fetched to say Stella abusing Stolas would be like if Lois Lane was abusive to Superman. Like, be a total piece of shit all you want to this person, the only reason you’re still kicking is because the other guy is too polite, too chicken-shit, or just doesn't care enough to raze you into the ground.

The only edge Stella would have on Stolas is the fact that she is more social and being a woman, she could easily play the wounded gazelle and manipulate the Ars Goetia family into turning on Stolas, not to mention there’s Octavia to consider, arguably Stolas’ biggest Kryptonite by far. However, even then, that’s debatable, on the fact that Stolas by all accounts should outrank Stella.

If Stolas and Stella’s marriage failed, it would more than likely be blamed on Stella more than anything, and as Andrealphus pointed out, she would end up with nothing. And to be frank, it’s not like Stolas had been facing any actual legal repercussions for his affair with Blitzo. As it stands, Stella is only a threat to Stolas… because the writers want her to be.  Never mind that Stolas is stronger, has more importance and the fact that Stella is pretty much a joke next to her, which makes the fact that we’re supposed to fear her as this domestic abuser even more laughable. And on that side note, if Stolas is a battered spouse who suffered under Stella for so long, why the hell did he agree to meet her and Andrealphus at that cafe? You would think that a victim of abuse, even if they had gathered the courage to leave, would think twice before agreeing to meet a person that physically and verbally abuses you. Especially if it leads to an assassin kidnapping you and torturing you.

Even then, that barely scratches the surface of why this domestic abuse angle doesn't work.

Now, as it had been established, canon Stella as of now has little personality beyond hating Stolas and being a psycho bitch. The line ‘I like tormenting you’ sold that pretty well. But here’s the thing though:

The face of an awful domestic abuser… apparently

Am I expected to believe that this woman is a heartless abuser, let alone take her seriously?

Remember, this series was meant to be a comedy, and Stella, in every other scene except the one at the end of ‘The Circus’, had been established as a loud-mouthed, crass, entitled, bratty bully. You know, the kind of antagonist you expect out of a comedy. Yet, here they are, trying to shoehorn in a domestic abuse plotline that’s supposed to be taken as serious. If this was in a series like Bojack Horseman, or hell, even a younger-focused series like Avatar: The Last Airbender,  where drama and serious storytelling take priority over funny moments, this might have worked.

But the thing is, there’s a reason abusive women characters worked. Case in point:

Lady Tremaine & Mother Gothel

These two are probably some of the first characters that come to mind when you think of abusive characters. And they share a lot of similarities to Stella herself. Granted, their abuse was more aimed at children rather than a spouse, but they are good templates for what makes a good ‘abusive’ character.

Lady Tremaine (otherwise known as The Stepmother) is a status-focused woman who carries herself with a sense of superiority and smugness (not unlike Stella) strongly mistreated her stepdaughter Cinderella, forcing her to serve her and her biological daughters as a servant. While we don’t see this abuse on-screen (as this was a Disney movie for kids), every time she was on screen, you worry for Cinderella, especially in scenes like when she is talking to Cinderella from her bed in the bedroom, when she raises her voice. Her scenes are pretty much devoid of the light-heartedness and comedy you expect out of a film with talking mice, and despite never raising a hand towards Cinderella, she’s god-damn scary, and is considered one of Disney’s better villains, up there with the likes of Maleficent (who by the way, would be voiced by the same voice actress years later). And like Stella, she isn’t given a sympathetic backstory (though the live action remake many decades later would try to humanize her), and while nowadays, she might not be as compelling, she’s the poster child for the Wicked Stepmother archetype.

Mother Gothel is portrayed in a way more akin to how abusers would act in real life. When we first meet her, it’s established that she’s a selfish vain woman obsessed with maintaining her youth, hoarding a magical flower for herself to do so. And when this flower was taken and used to cure the ailing queen, Gothel goes as far as kidnapping the queen’s baby Rapunzel, who retained the flower’s power, when she couldn’t simply take her hair. Since then, Mother Gothel raised Rapunzel as if she was her own and pretty much emotionally and psychologically manipulates her into staying within the tower, her roots taking hold so deep that Rapunzel herself dare not defy her, out of fear of being a bad daughter to her, and Gothel does all this with such a saccharine demeanor. However, there are moments where the mask slips, like at the end of her song ‘Mother Knows Best’ where she flat out told her never to ask to leave the tower again, or towards the climax of the film, where she willingly put Rapunzel in danger with the Stabbington Brothers just to prove her point and scare her into coming back with her. But the mask is pretty much off when Rapunzel wises up to her manipulations and she flat out willing to force her into servitude to her just so she can maintain her youth forever. Oh, and side note, in the animated series, she abandoned her own biological daughter so she could steal and hide Rapunzel. Real mother of the year there. I’m not a psych expert, so I can’t go into all how Mother Gothel is a stellar example of an abusive villain, but someone that Stella wishes she could be.

So why does Stella not work like these two? Well, a major factor to consider is: domestic abuse is not a joking matter. Lady Tremaine and Mother Gothel are characters that are often written in a way that they are treated as serious threats, with their horrible actions never played for laughs. Sure, Gothel does have a few funny moments, but it never takes away from the horrible things she did in the film. This is often applied to almost every abusive character in media, from cartoons to movies. When done properly, the abusive characters are almost never played for laughs, and their abusive actions, be it towards spouses or children, are never taken lightly. If abuse is ever treated as a joke, it is usually done in poor taste… or you’re South Park or someone into edgy humor.

Stella doesn’t work because she is a supposed abuser in a show that plays physical abuse for laughs. In other words, she is:

Jeffrey Fecalman (Family Guy, Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q. (S10, E3))

Jeffrey Fecalman, or just Jeff, is a minor one-shot character that appeared in ‘Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q.’ (he did actually appear a few seasons earlier in a scene in ‘Jerome’s The New Black’) in the season ten episode of Family Guy, and hoo boy, this episode is considered one of Family Guy’s worst episodes for its very poor handling of the subject matter.

The problems were numerous: one, the abuse victim Brenda is the sister of Quagmire, who is infamous for his sexual exploits that would not fly today in the current tv environment, taking advantage of women just like his sister. Two, the way the main cast handled the situation is so awful, from victim blaming, to Joe the cop not arresting Jeff when he flat out is abusing her right in front of him, to deciding to kill Jeff on the belief that abusers never change, getting so much about domestic abuse wrong.

And lastly… well, Jeff is characterized as an unsympathetic piece of shit who beats Brenda over the littlest things, yet for some reason, Brenda refuses to leave him, and has no personality beyond that. Sounds familiar? Jeff is pretty much Stella, but over ten years earlier. And like Stella, Jeff is portrayed in such a ham-fisted way that he is impossible to take seriously as a domestic abuser. And that should be a warning that you have done something severely wrong.

Now, I should state this, because I recall a conversation on Twitter I had when talking about Stella a year ago,  when I criticized just how too cartoony Stella was to be a domestic abuser. A person did call me out, saying that they knew someone just like Stella, down to her demeanor. I am by no means trying to say that people who behave just like Stella or Jeff can’t exist. After all, reality is stranger than fiction. And I am sorry that you had to put up with someone like that and I hope you’re doing well.

That being said, it does not take away from the fact that Jeff and Stella are terrible as abusive villains, not just because they act in such a way that’s impossible to take seriously, but because of the world/series they live in.

Jeff is a serious domestic abuser in Family Guy, a show that is infamous for all sorts of abuse that is always played for laughs, especially towards Butt Monkey poster child Meg Griffin. Hell, this episode is immediately after another infamous episode where Meg called out her family for their abuse… but then proceeds to stay and take the abuse so they wouldn’t lash out at each other. Needless to say, it’s no surprise that Family Guy got lambasted for this episode.

But what about Stella? Well, on top of Blitzo treating Moxxie like crap and disrespecting him time and time again, we get lovely scenes like this in the very next episode of Helluva Boss.

Shown: Loona kicking Blitzo in the balls (Seeing Stars (S2, E2))

In this also very divisive episode, Loona treats Blitzo, her adoptive father, like absolute dogshit, beating him up in the first image for offering constructive criticism over her job as a receptionist (which we never seen her do since the pilot), letting Octavia slip in and steal the book (probably out of spite for Blitz), disregarding Blitz’s orders to find Octavia until she had a ‘change of heart’ when Blitz and Stolas are taken to the studios, and lastly, Blitz, feeling sudden remorse for threatening to replace her (even though she dared him to do it) tries to apologize… only to get kicked in the balls. And mind you, this is right after a touching scene with Octavia, where Loona told her to cut her dad some slack (someone who she had zero interactions with beforehand) because they screwed up… when Blitz really hadn’t screwed up at all in the series that we had seen. It all comes off as very hollow.

And not once is Loona’s abuse and disrespect of Blitzo treated with a modicum of seriousness. Hell, I’ve seen many people rush to Loona’s defense, arguing that Loona was justified because of her past and that she didn’t like being touched. Hell, one person tries arguing that Blitzo used micro-aggression. I got the whole ‘media literacy is dead’ for speaking up about Loona’s behavior. It’s all something that we are supposed to just laugh and find amusing…

One question though… WHERE THE FUCK WAS ANY OF THIS DEFENSE FOR STELLA?!

This is the very reason domestic abuse is not something you can just drop in a show, let alone a comedy that uses physical slapstick as a joke. Because if you drop in a domestic abuse story and play it straight for an episode, but then turn around and do an episode where another person do the same shit for the funnies, it causes a massive tone inconsistency (something Helluva Boss is infamous for now) and confusion, making people wonder if they are supposed to laugh or take things seriously. Even then, doing the abuse for the funnies gets old real quick, which is a problem Family Guy constantly combats with to this day.

Simply put, if you’re going to make a villain an abuser, you best be prepared to handle them seriously, and make sure it doesn’t go against the kind of show you’re running. Otherwise, don’t get mad when people get upset.

That being said, now is the time to tackle the last problem about Stella:

Point #3: Making Stella look bad so Stolas looks good

A very common complaint that people had concerning Stella following ‘The Circus’ was that Stella was written the way she was so that Stolas, her husband and one of the main characters, would appear better in terms of morality. And hoo boy, there is so much truth to this statement than you realize.

But before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s get familiar with Stolas.

Stolas Goetia is a prince from the Ars Goetia family, based on the demon of the same name. He is Stella’s husband, and the father of Octavia, and his affair with Blitzo is a major plot point within the series.

He’s a very divisive character in the fandom: either you love him and would die for him… or you think he’s the worst thing ever and should go die in the ditch. Regardless, his character in season one was one of intrigue: he is similar in some ways to Stella, treating imps, Blitzo included, as lesser races, and constantly flirts (to a very uncomfortable degree) and condescends Blitzo on several occasions. In fact, some fans goes as far as to say he’s sexually coercing Blitz, if the nature of their deal is anything to go by (to make a long story short, in ‘Murder Family’, he proposed the infamous full moon deal where he and Blitz must have sex for the book… while Blitz is running for his life from Satanist cannibals). Yeah, not a very good look.

Not to say he was without good points, as he loves his daughter Octavia dearly, but Stolas is a very flawed individual whose affair and behavior had an effect on the people around him, Stella and Octavia included, and it was for these flaws that he and Blitz were called out in ‘House of Asmodeus’ and Stolas ends up creating a rift between him and Blitz as a result of it. While Stolas may be divisive, his character was complex and intriguing, and hey, it’s not everyday that you see a flawed queer character in media. The keyword being ‘was’. Yeah, Stella wasn’t the only victim of ‘The Circus’.

Pictured: A very sad boi (The CIrcus (S2, E1))

So, as mentioned in Point #1, ‘The Circus’ served as the backstory of Stolas, revealing how he was arranged to marry to Stella at a young age, and to get him to cease his ‘bitch crying’ from his less than stellar father, he took him to the eponymous ‘circus’, where Stolas meets Blitzo as a kid (that’s an issue for another day), Paimon ‘buys’ Blitzo for a day and Blitzo’s dad have him rob the place with no consequences and serve no purpose other to maybe let Blitzo know that Stolas had a grimoire?

25 years later, we find out Stella is always a P.O.S. and Blitzo comes back into his life, and rather than it being a sordid affair that happened all the sudden… it is now Stolas really misread the situation and thought Blitz was coming onto him and Blitz only fucked him out of pity (another issue for another day). We then cut to the next morning, where we get a recap of the pilot scene with Stella, except Stolas proudly brag that it was the ‘sound of a fucking divorce’, which contrasts how apologetic he was in ‘Loo Loo Land’ (Vivienne said it was a ‘high’ Stolas was experiencing at the moment but eh…).

Then we cut to the present day, and the scene above. Stolas is sad, takes antidepressants, and begins to ‘lament’ about his love life. Except, he’s not lamenting how badly he hurt Blitz or anything… he lamenting how he misread Blitzo not being in love with him. I mean, that is a problem, but not the right one to be focusing on.

Anyways, the song ends with Stella’s interruption, and we get the infamous ‘I like tormenting you’ scene, but there’s a line here that bears reading:

“I know what I did. I would feel bad if I hurt you, but we both know I didn’t do that. You and I were arranged for one reason; to birth a precautionary heir to the Goetia family, nothing more. I tried so many years to make it comfortable for us; to have this family, but it was never enough. The only reason I have endured your constant insults and cruelty was for that girl to have a normal life… I cannot do this anymore. I want you out. Now.”

Stolas

So… yeah, you may notice how unbelievably ‘sad’ Stolas was portrayed in this episode. Well, I hope you enjoy this sad gay owl because this is Stolas’ character now. That’s right, gone is the complex, morally dubious owl who arranged a deal with this random imp to fuck him for his book, whose affair that strained his relationship with his daughter and made his wife want to kill him. Here now is a wangsty owl who’s sad that the imp he knew only for a day, who robbed him and then try to rob him again of his grimoire only to fuck him out of pity, and is a poor, poor victim of his evil wife who he was forced to marry and couldn’t divorce for some reason for his daughter.

And this here marks one of the major reasons I did not like the direction they took with Stella. By making Stella a flat evil gay husband beater of a wife, they’re absolving Stolas of his affair with Blitzo. If you think I’m overexaggerating, just take a look at this line in ‘Western Energy’

“Andrealphus, cheating implies there was a betrayal. This woman never gave two shits about me or our very much arranged marriage. As far as I’m concerned, this divorce is far overdue.”

Stolas

Like I said, absolving him of cheating. I’m not going to get into the argument of whether or not it’s morally correct to cheat on someone who treats you like crap. However, I’m of the belief that two wrongs don’t make a right. His cheating may or may not have hurt Stella, but it certainly hurt Octavia, and I find it weird that he apologizes to Octavia for his affair (that he continued to have) but not the woman he cheated on. Not to mention, as of time of writing, he isn’t brought to task on any of his other wrongdoings so far in season two.

He doesn’t reflect on his elitism and racism towards imps, he doesn’t reflect on how his cheating had hurt his family, or how kinda messed up his deal with Blitzo is. He’s just sad that Blitz doesn’t share his feelings. Hell, they never even had that conversation about their falling out after Ozzie’s, unless you count the text messages at the end of ‘Western Energy’. I mean, it could change with ‘Full Moon’, the very next episode to be released, but I’m not feeling hopeful.

Back to Stella, it speaks volumes how at the same time Stolas is made to be this poor sad perpetual victim, Stella is made to be this psychotic abuser. Which really sucks because Vivienne said that Stolas and Stella was supposed to be this whole thing where not one person was in the complete right. Yet, here we are, with Stolas being good and Stella being  evil, with no nuance, complexity, or all that jazz. It definitely doesn’t help that Stella only had 36 seconds of screen time while Stolas had way more, making the imbalance even worse.

Not to mention that in ‘Loo Loo Land’, Octavia flat out mentioned that they didn’t used to hate each other. Yet from what we saw in ‘The Circus’, Stella… always hated Stolas. This could mean one of three things: one, Stolas somehow managed to hide the fact that Stella hates and possibly abuses him for 17 years. Two, Octavia is so sheltered and god-damn oblivious (or stupid) that she could not see her mom obviously hating on her father. Or three, this line was completely forgotten by Vivienne and her writers and should be disregarded. Any of these three does not scream good writing in my eyes.

While a simple black and white dynamic isn’t the worst thing, that was not what was set up. Stolas was flawed. Stella was flawed. They were both shitty people who handled their dysfunctional relationship poorly and it hurt their daughter. To simply change that into where the closeted gay owl is in the right while the evil straight swan woman is in the wrong just comes off as boring.

Another issue I have with this is… why is Stolas getting the preferential treatment? Yes, Stolas is the one being abused and insulted by the woman she was forced to marry… but that doesn’t quite change the fact that Stella herself was forced into the same arranged marriage. She was forced to produce a precautionary heir with Stolas. As TV Tropes put it, she’s drowning in the same pool as Stolas, and there’s that whole incestuous vibe going on with Andrealphus going on, implying not so good things. Yet, Stella is given no sympathy, not from the writers, not from a lot of the fans, nothing. I’m not saying Stella is justified in her horrible actions, she’s not, but the fact is a lot of fans just write her off because the writers chose to depict her as this flat villain. There are examples of many villains that would go on to do horrible things but have sad and/or tragic backgrounds that while does not justify their actions, it allows you to understand how they got to be the way they are.

Examples include a lot of the rogues’ gallery from Batman or Spiderman, Azula from ‘The Last Airbender’, Goro Akechi from ‘Persona 5’, Tai Lung from ‘Kung Fu Panda’ or Lord Shen from the sequel, Homelander or Soldier Boy from ‘The Boys’. Hell, Jack Horner from earlier would count. The list goes on and on. There are villains who go on to do the most heinous things, in spite of their backstories, yet they would all go on to have fans who like them.

Which brings to another point that irks me: the treatment the fans of Stella get. If you had been in the Helluva Boss or Hazbin Hotel fandom long enough, you would find that it is not a friendly place. I won’t get too much into it, but let’s just say criticism, good faith or not, was a big no-no, and questioning the questionable choices Viv and her writers make will get you harassed or labeled a misogynist or a homophobe.

When ‘The Circus’ came out, anyone who voiced their liking for Stella got it pretty bad, as fans/stans took anyone who liked her as a problematic person who supports her horrible actions and hates gays like Stolas or something to that effect. While it could be possible that some people do think that, others certainly don’t. And it really sucks because Stella fans get it the worse, especially compared to other abusive characters’ fans, such as Crimson (a homophobic mob boss who flat out hits his son on screen and murdered his wife) and Valentino (a pimp who rapes Angel Dust, a fan favorite). It was ostracizing to many fans who just wanted to enjoy their favorite character.

And I feel as the series goes on, it will probably get worse.

Closing words

So, where does that leave us now?

Well, unless someone from the development side of things speaks up, we will never know for sure what decisions were made that lead to the characters we are given today, but what we do know for certain is Stella got shafted. And shafted good.

An abysmally low screentime of 36 seconds in season one alone. Many ways that her story could have developed, only to go with the most barebone and arguably laziest direction imaginable. Even then, her character archetype was done better by villains such as Jack Horner. Her being an abuser and a possible rapist clashes with the tone of the show, as well as her given character, and again is done much better by other characters.And worse of all, her fans get shat on by other fans of the show.

As of today, she is a one note flat villain who serves no purpose but to make Stolas more sympathetic in spite of all of his problems that are still unaddressed and to now play second fiddle to her brother who literally was dropped into the show with no fanfare but a tweet from over a year earlier. We still have no idea what her relationship is to her daughter, but it is safe to assume that it will probably not be good (or if it is good, it would be because Octavia cannot see how obviously evil Stella or her brother is) and that’s even if it gets touched upon at all.

While there are other issues plaguing Helluva Boss (such as the treatment of female characters, especially Millie and Loona, or the fact that a show about imps running a murder business has hardly any imps running a murder business), Stella stands out as a shining example of how to botch a possibly compelling antagonist, and serves as a bitter reminder of what we could had versus what we have now.

Now, I should state that a lot of this is introspection and opinions on my part, and I’m sure if I were to show this to people on Twitter, they would rip it apart and call me a media illiterate fool who knows jack-shit about anything, and that’s if they don’t try to harass and dox me for talking at lengths about Stella of all people. Who knows with this fandom nowadays,

If you do not agree with any of this, I am more than willing to hear you out, but I won’t promise that I will change my stance. It’s all about having an open dialogue.

As for why I did all this? I cannot say for certain, but I guess I just wanted to share my two cents on why Stella failed so hard as a character for me, and how I wished she could have been so much better than what we ended up getting. That and possibly out of spite to all the people who insulted me for having opinions about this show and how Viv lets all of that bullshit go unchecked.

Well, I guess that is all for now. I guess I will see you all the next time I decide to try and do something like this again. If I ever try to do something like this again. Who knows. Thanks for reading and hearing me out. Also, I do want to apologize if all of this looks wonky to you, first time posting an actual blog and due to the image limit, I had to fix a few things so it would make sense. If there's any issues, let me know.

#helluva boss criticism #helluva critical #vivziepop critical #helluva boss critique #helluva boss critical #s

[copperbadge]

One of the things I used to do when I was having creative difficulties was to declare a moratorium on creation -- say to myself, "Well, you're blocked or frustrated with everything. Maybe no more writing for the rest of the month," and then no matter what, I would commit to doing no more writing until the set date. I was just giving myself permission to take a little space without guilt, but once I'm not allowed to create, I tend to want to, so it's often been not just restful but rejuvenating. I have other coping methods that I've built, so I haven't had to do it in a long time, but apparently it still works.

The last two weeks have been a lot of travel, socializing and work, and I haven't had a ton of time or space to myself. It's been for good reasons, and overall very positive, but I've done essentially no fiction writing, especially since before that I was getting Royals/Ramblers out the door and pulling the Omnibus V2 together. But this morning I sat down before the day really began and realized I did actually want to write. I didn't get to actually do much because R and baby U woke up and I wanted to cook breakfast and hang out with them, but at least I wanted to write, and had a vague idea of how to attack it.

Life keeps feeling unreal -- I keep thinking something's profoundly off, and then realizing yeah, I've been putting my entire normal existence on hold for weeks on end. Even when I've been in Chicago I've been sick and work's had some unusual challenges, and there have been a few novel personal life events. A lot of what I have done has also been laced with an anxiety I don't normally have to deal with, for one reason or another.

Tomorrow are the last few hurdles -- I have to get to the airport and I have a non-direct flight to Chicago for the first time in over a decade, which are always stressful. Once I'm home, it's just the usual travel recovery: laundry, cooking, reassuring kitties. I have to get through the rest of the week's work, but at least there's nothing too intensive. The weekend is mainly free, though I'm going to try and see if I can see a few people socially and do some shopping for a party I'm throwing the following weekend.

It does feel like the hits keep coming, like this hectic pace is just my life now, but I know that I'll be home, with time and resources I haven't had in a while, and things will slowly ease up. I was telling myself I had to hold on until April 10th, and really it's going to be more like the end of April before silence truly descends, but at least after tomorrow I'll have time to write and finally the motivation as well.

I do feel sometimes like there was a "normal" that I had established which started slowly vanishing after the ADHD diagnosis, and I'm not sure I'm equipped to build a new one in the same way. That said, I'm sure I'll settle back into a groove once I'm sleeping in my own bed for more than two nights running.

It feels like the space I had carved in the world for myself now doesn't quite fit me anymore. It's a neutral kind of sensation -- not comfortable, but not painful, and equally not very productive. But it's not like I evaporate if I don't figure it out immediately, I suppose.

[lavender-romancer]

Winter

Ivar Ragnarsson x Reader CW: suicide mentions, conflict

You wanted to be his again, not owned by him but a part of him. But it had been so long since you'd felt close to Ivar that it felt out of reach as he descended into rage filled madness

”*°•.˜”*°•. ˜”*°•. ˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

You were drifting apart more and more with every hastily made decision fueled by anger that Ivar made. He would curse you, berate you and you could do anything because you didn't trust that he wouldn't kill you himself. You knew something was deathly wrong when you kept finding yourself high on a hill looking over a rock face, moving closer to the edge every time and not feeling afraid. It was impossible to not feel that you were lost in the dark of Ivar's tyranny. But you still craved his adoration, his love and the affirmation that he only wanted you. All of these things would never happen now, you weren't good enough for him.

You needed him running through your veins like a sickness that couldn't be cured- a toxicity that fuelled your love and in turn, your hatred for him. You didn't want to need anyone, when you were younger your mother had always taught you to never need anyone more than yourself. To stay self-reliant and not let anyone control you but, it was impossible. When you met Ivar he was the son of Ragnar, a grumpy boy with no battle experience and a soft spot for you. Now, after 6 years of marriage you couldn't decide if you needed to try harder or just throw yourself on to that cliff face.

"It feels like he's trying to erase me, fade me out of his life and forget I was ever there." You told Helga as you sat descaling some fish with her.

"Ivar is… complicated, I'm sure I had this conversation with you when you started seeing him. He's a different type of person from us. Not as emotional," she tried to smile but could tell that her words weren't necessarily comforting.

"I was so convinced that he loved me then, that he would do anything for me. But he just wants power and money and meaningless sex, I just can't believe he deceived me into this marriage." Helga suddenly gripped your hand.

"This is not your fault. As you said, you were deceived by someone who claimed to love you. The boy has some kind of power. It pulls some people in and I don't know what it is but it captured you," She paused. "I think you should tell him."

"He wouldn't even see me, I can guarantee there's a thrall rooted to his lap right now." You clenched your teeth together and tried to hold in your rage.

"You need to let it out, your rage. Go to the top of a mountain and scream, allow yourself to feel it." Helga suggested and you nodded.

"What I really want is to have him, it's pathetic but I'm so in love with him it's hard to overcome." You placed down the fish and groaned.

"It will pass, and if it doesn't, meet someone else who will be more emotionally attentive. Ivar seems like the kind of man who needs other people's feelings laid out in front of him." Helga smiled and her dark rimmed eyes made contact with you as the two of you carried on with the fish.

Ivar was drunk out of his mind, two naked thralls sitting on his lap as he'd occasionally take their breasts into his mouth. Some days he would forget you were even his wife, you hardly saw each other. He wouldn't say it was an excuse for his behavior but it was definitely a promoting factor of it. You used to smother him, cover him in a blanket of affection and make him feel like no one could hurt him. Ivar didn't remember when that stopped but he also didn't remember when he began sleeping with other women. The crossover between the two was so seamless it made him feel less remorseful, as if your absence made his actions warranted.

When Ivar saw you walk into the Great hall he felt less than he thought he would. In some ways he was happy to see how miserable you looked, hopeful you'd come crawling back to him in pure adoration. Ivar couldn't think of a better way to gain a woman's affection than by making her jealous. Unaware of his ridiculous thought process, Ivar continued looking you up and down through his eyebrows. You could only glare back at him as you headed towards your room, but you annoyingly had to go past Ivar.

"You despise me, wife?" Ivar asked and you stopped in your tracks, sighing deeply.

"Yes." You said simply, even though you loved him you needed him to wake up.

"But… that's not. What?" He said confused, pushing the thralls to the floor, with a resounding yelp from both the women.

"What do you want, Ivar?" You looked at him with such disdain it genuinely surprised him.

"You cannot speak to me like that!" He yelled and you sighed again.

"Then kill me." You sounded defeated, you didn't care anymore. It would be easier for it to all be over so you didn't have to deal with the emotional turmoil of him.

"I'm not going-" he paused. "You are my wife! Why won't you respect me?" He yelled again and you almost winced at the level of noise he was making.

For a few moments all you could hear was the scrape of his crutch and the crackle of the fire, for a moment it felt surprisingly peaceful. You just wanted to exist in that scene, a beautiful fire with furs on the floor in front of it where the local children would sit and be told stories. There was such a serenity to watching children's faces as they listened to a story, they hadn't experienced the hurt or the pain. All they knew was that this was their favourite day because they could sit inside the great hall and feel important. Even Ivar couldn't take that sense of pride away from them.

"Are you going to say anything, wife?" Ivar broke the blissful silence and you couldn't quite believe how aggravating it all was.

"I hate you, I hate what you've done to me." Was all you said and he looked astonished.

"I won't have this bullshit!" He yelled even louder before calling for his guards. "Tie her to a tree in the forest." He swatted you away like you were a pest but, at this point you saw no reason to resist. Ivar would do whatever he wanted with his power and most of the time that would mean fucking you around.

Even the guards were uncomfortable as they threw a rope over a strong tree branch and tied you by your wrists so that your arms always had to be extended. It wasn't the worst punishment you could have got, you were surprised Ivar hadn't got a lust for blood when you disrespected him. He would continue to degrade you and debase you no matter what you did, even though you loved him it didn't matter anymore. Ivar was so consumed by greed or power or hatred for you that he couldn't focus on anything else.

Your heart felt cold and tight. There wasn't any room for any more love because you had given it all away to someone who didn't want it or didn't realise how much he needed it. In one breath you would hope that he would just come and kill you and in the other, you still hoped he would wait for you. That he would allow your coupling to at least attempt to survive. Sometimes when you were around Ivar, you would feel a tiny part of your body decompose. One part of you died because you couldn't hold on to someone who only wanted to break away from you. But all you wanted was to be taken back to when you were younger, you needed him, you wanted him and he would never be what he was again.

#ivar x reader #ivar the boneless x reader #ivar lothbrok #ivar ragnarsson #ivar the boneless #ivar ragnarsson x oc #ivar ragnarsson x reader #ivar ragnarsson imagine #ivar ragnarsson angst #vikings ivar #viking imagine #vikings fanfic

[bellgraves]

I'm sorry for this, I'm still sick and I was all day in bed. Sorry for grammar mistakes, I wrote this on my phone in note app 😓🤦🏻‍♀️

Warning: mild mention of sex.

You're a Shadow and Graves wife. Also part 2 of my none name fic, because I forgot to name my own fic. Uhhh..😣🤧 Anyway there you go

Phillip Graves / Reader

Graves didn't like it what was going on. He was walking back and forth in his mansion. He didn't like that you had misterious phone calls and you disappeared in other rooms when you were talking. You become cold towards him. Didn't want to have sex with him since 2 weeks. That pissed him off the most. When you were home you loved to make love to each other. Now you were kinda.... avoiding him? His first thought was that you're working for someone else. Or you are doing some illegal things. The last thought it was that you're cheating on him. But that's impossible. You're too loyal for this. But are you? You never flirt with other soldiers and it doesn't matter if that was Shadows, Task Force or other team. You were professional. Always friendly, respectful but with boundaries. So what you're really up to? Graves has to know. Otherwise he will explode and just throw you into the bed and fuck you into oblivion until you spill all your secrets. He went upstairs looking for you.

Honey did you finish your shower? He entered the bathroom without knocking. You were not there. Graves looked in every room. You were not home. What the hell? Just 15 minutes ago you told him that you're going to take shower after gym. So where are you??

It was late at night. Graves was sitting in the living room with small light, waiting for you like a police detective. You finally get back home. You looked amazing. Wearing short, black dress with high heels. But at the same time you were little tipsy.

Oh baby, you're not sleeping? You asked with sweet smile.

Where have you been? You didn't told me you're going out. Graves got up and took few quick steps. He stood infront of you and examined you very carefuly.

Phillip... we need to talk. Please. You took his hand and pull him into the couch. You sit on his lap.

What is it? Why I have to worry about you? Graves had offended tone.

You took a deep breath.

Baby... Before you get upset listen to me.

Go on. Phillip situated you on his lap comfortable.

I went to a bar with a friend. She is a girl that I met during my last mission. We get along and I just wanted to go out. I just.... you stopped for a moment. You caressed with fingers Graves chest.

Phillip... Last mission.. and the one before.. It was too much for me. Too much violence, too much blood and death.

Graves slowly was caressing your back and listened to you carefuly.

I know that you're one of the best soldiers and commanders in the world. You thrive in war. You're in your element when you can have a gun fight and kick some asses. You smile to him softly.

But... it became too much for me. It's overwhelming. Last year was only war and missions for me. For us. I just wanted to go out and feel like a normal person. To forgot about evilness of this world. Just to drink and dance for fun. To feel that I'm a human... not a war machine. I'm sorry baby if I neglected you. You caress his cheek with the scar.

I need some time off the missions. I want to do more of my wife duties. Cook for you, take care of you. Making this house warmer with love.

Graves took your hand and kissed it.

Sweetie, you should've told me about this. You know you can tell me everything. I got you. You're my wife and if you feel bad or uncomfortable you need to tell me this. You know I would burn the world for you, just to make you happy and safe.

Phillip... you whined and kissed his lips.

He kissed you back, enjoying your closeness. He felt relieved that nothing bad is actually happening.

You broke the kiss.

Baby.. I need to tell you something more but please don't be mad.. You kissed his cheek

Honey, you know I can't be mad at you when you look so sexy. Phillip kissed your chin and went down to your neck.

Baby.. I lost my earring tonight. You showed him your ear.

You know.. this was from the sapphire set that you bought me from Italy...I'm so sorry.

You almost cried. You were still little drunk and felt overwhelmed.

I can buy you thousands of these sets. A thousands sapphire, diamond or emerald earrings you want. Graves laughs and kissed your lips.

I love you so much... You're truly the best husband I could've dream of... You kissed him again. But please tell me that you forgive me. I need to hear that.

Okay, okay. I forgive you. He laughs again.

Now... He stands up. You strangled his waist with your legs. He took you up.

I want to fuck my beautiful, sexy wife. Alright?

Graves took you to your shared bedroom and put you on the bed. He quickly undressed you and himself and started to kiss you like there is no tomorrow.

*********************************************

Intense making love and alcohol from the party got you fall asleep quickly in Graves arms. But he wasn't asleep. He was holding you in his bare chest and caress your head. After he made sure that you're asleep, he slowly released himself from your embrace. He got up from bed and as sly fox he is, he took your phone from your purse and went to bathroom. He checked your messages and phone calls. He noticed one number that you particulary were calling few times recently. Also you called this number before you left the house.

Graves had a plan. He called this number from your phone. He was waiting few signals before there was answer in the other side.

Hello? It was a woman's voice. Graves felt relieved.

Good evening. I'm your friend's husband. My name is Phillip Graves.

Good evening Mr Graves. Something happened?

Yes..listen.. my wife is busy, she is... taking a bath. And she asked me to call you and ask if you have seen her earring? She lost it in the party. It was family heirloom and she is sad that she lost it. Graves come up with a lie.

Oh I'm sorry... I haven't seen it. But if I will find it, I will defently give it to her.

Yea, thanks a lot, and sorry for late call. Have a good night. Graves ended the call.

He was so happy and relieved. You didn't cheat on him. You really made friend with a girl. And you had some stress relieving party. Nothing bad.

Graves came back to bed and he hugged you tight from behind. He kissed your neck.

I love you so much. He whispered before he fell asleep too.

**********************************************

The woman looked at phone when Graves ended the call. She was sitting at the bar. She gave back the phone to a man with mohawk who was sitting next to her.

Thanks cousin. You're really the best. Said Soap and and took the phone.

How did you know that is her husband calling and not her? She asked.

We have agreement to not call each other after midnight. Soap said with small smile.

Johnny... that girl is not good for you. She will bring you only troubles. Also she is married to very dangerious man. Soap's cousin looked really worried.

Dangerious you say... Soap put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a blue sapphire earring. He turned it over in his fingers several times. He knew exact moment when you lost it. It was in the hotel room, few hours ago, when Soap had you pinned into the wall and pumped his member into you. You were holding into his arms and threw your head back. That's when your earring fell off. Soap took it from the carpet later and hide it into his pocket.

Johnny.. you know I will always support you. But this is bad idea. You had your fun. Leave this girl alone and find yourself someone better. Soap's cousin took a sip from her drink.

No. She is perfect to me. Soap still felt your sweet arousal in his mouth. He ran his tounge across the roof of his mouth. He chuckled and took a sip of his beer.

Perfect for me.

@candy616

@xxavengingangelxx

I did it for you because I love your blogs and you make me love cod even more ❤❤

#call of duty #phillip graves #commander graves #phillip graves cod #phillip graves x reader #phillip graves x you #johnny mctavish x reader #soap mactavish x reader #johnny mctavish x you #soap mactavish x you #soap mactavish #johnny mctavish #johnny soap mactavish

[roosterforme]

A Love You Don't Find Everyday Part 12 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley is hoping your car is not repairable. And when you and he run into a fling from his past, it throws Bradley into an internal dilemma about his self worth. 

Warnings: Angst, fluff, smut, and swearing

Length: 4700 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

Check out my masterlist for more!

You finally felt well enough to head back to work on Wednesday. Since your car was still missing under slightly mysterious circumstances, you had to ride in with Bradley.

"My mechanic said he wants you to come make some decisions about your car. We can head there after work," Bradley said. You didn't appreciate the slightly giddy tone in his voice.

"Did he say what's wrong with it?" you asked, eating a bagel while he drove. 

"Just that they replaced the battery and the starter. I think he wants to talk to you about the next steps."

You glared at him. "Next steps? I better not have to replace it. I love that car."

Bradley just grinned as he drove. "I'll replace it for you, Baby Girl. You can blame it all on me."

It felt good to get back into the swing of things after being away and being sick. When Bradley texted to see if you were joining him for lunch, you sent him an angry face emoji and told him you were eating with Cam and Maria. That was the last you heard from him until the end of the day when he was knocking on your open door.

"Are you really mad at me?" he asked, leaning against the doorframe with his hand on his hip. "Because you shouldn't be. Your car has a personal vendetta against me, Sweetheart."

"My car is blameless," you said, pausing to point at him before you packed up your bag. He was wearing his short sleeved khaki uniform, and you could see his tattoo peeking out below the sleeve. It would have been impossible to be mad at him. "Take me to it."

He just shook his head and held your hand as you waited for the elevator. As you rode down to ground level, you wrapped your arms around his waist. "Remember when we listened to OutKast together in this elevator?"

He ran his hands along your back. "Of course. Then I played it at the Hard Deck, because it was stuck in my head after I knew you liked it. How embarrassing. I showed you all of my cards so early."

You giggled against him and slid your hand up his bicep and under his sleeve, stroking the inked paper airplane. "You're so sweet, Roo. Never made me second guess that you wanted to date me." 

"Marry you," he rasped, kissing the top of your head as you caressed his skin. "Just had to date you long enough so we didn't seem completely crazy."

The ride to the mechanic was filled with one of Bradley's playlists while he asked you a bunch of times if you were really feeling better. 

"I'll be feeling great once I'm driving my car home," you told him as he pulled up to a garage with a bunch of cars being worked on. You spotted yours parked off to the side right away.

"Please don't get your hopes up that it's even driveable, Baby Girl," Bradley was telling you, but you were already climbing down to find out what was going on.

You rushed inside the building with Bradley right behind you, and you were asking about the car before he could even get a word in. And after a moment, the mechanic was leading both of you back outside.

"I've gotta tell you, your car's been a little difficult," the mechanic explained as he led both of you to the car. "But I think after the new battery and starter, it might be okay. Doesn't start up clean each time though."

"It will for me," you insisted, glaring at Bradley over your shoulder. 

The mechanic handed the keys to you, and you got yourself situated in the driver's seat. It started up perfectly for you. Three times in a row. 

"I told you it would be fine!" you told Bradley, gesturing wildly at the interior of your car as you looked up at him. "No need to buy a new one." 

He just stood with his arms crossed, shaking his head. "I'm paying for this then?" he asked, a smirk hiding just under the surface. 

"Yes, pay this nice man for the repairs," you said, bestowing a bright smile on the mechanic who smiled back at you. 

The mechanic leaned down and pointed to something on your dashboard. "Actually, while I have you here, I wanted to point out a few things that you should keep an eye on."

Bradley shook his head and sighed. "I'm going to head inside and pay."

You shooed Bradley away and listened to what the mechanic had to say about your car. 

------------------------

Bradley was leaning against the counter, putting his credit card back in his wallet and looking over the detailed receipt of repairs. He supposed eight hundred dollars wasn't too bad, especially since you were so happy your car was still running. He'd figure out a way to replace your car eventually. The only issue was, he doubted you'd ever let him drive it again. 

"Bradley?"

He turned to his left to see a woman about your age standing there smiling at him like she'd just won the lottery. 

"Hi," he replied, desperately trying to place her. She was kind of familiar. Cute face, dark hair, nice smile. All things he liked. 

She was inching closer now. "I'm Whitney. Remember? From like a year ago?"

Bradley's shoulders sagged as he exhaled. A shameful feeling of discomfort filled him up; he'd slept with her. He could remember her now. They met at some stupid outdoor concert thing he went to with Nat right after he came to San Diego. He'd taken her back to the barracks that night. He'd actually let her sleep over. 

He felt sick. "No. It was more than a year ago." He knew that much for sure. He hadn't so much as flirted with anyone except you since he met you last August. Fourteen months ago. 

"Well, close enough," Whitney replied, running her fingers through her hair in a way that Bradley would have probably found appealing. "I can't believe I ran into you here. Feel like grabbing a drink with me? I could give you my number again," she said in a singsong tone before nibbling on her lip. "Or... maybe you just want to follow me to my place?"

Had he really been that easy? He supposed he had. Just a pretty face and some tits had usually done the trick for him. He was embarrassed. So embarrassed for himself and for you. It was almost unbearable for him when these feelings came to the surface. He was not good enough for you, and he knew it. 

You came strolling back inside, mid conversation with the mechanic before you thanked him and headed for Bradley.

"I told you, Roo! I told you my car would be fine," you said, laughing as you wrapped your arms around his waist. "Ever stop to think that maybe you're the problem?"

You were running your nose along the scars on his neck before you turned and saw how closely Whitney was still standing to him. Bradley held you a little tighter, but you froze and eyed the other woman cautiously. 

"Oh," Whitney gasped, taking a small step back.

"Whitney, this is my fiancée," Bradley said with as much confidence as he could. 

"Hi," you said politely before looking up at Bradley, eyes searching his for a clue as to what was going on.

But Whitney looked you up and down before focusing on Bradley with extreme agitation. "You said you never got serious. You made it a point to tell me that."

Now you seemed to understand what was happening here, because you stood a little taller, but kept your arm around Bradley. The fact that he knew you would stand here and defend him until you were out of breath made this painful ache inside him even worse. But he wouldn't let you do that for him today.

"I never got serious before," he told Whitney. Then he stroked his fingers along your cheek until you were looking up at him again. He gave you a small smile and kept his eyes on yours. "Because I didn't know this one existed yet."

Your eyes fluttered closed as you smiled up at him. He loved you so much, he hated that this was happening. 

Whitney scoffed sarcastically, and Bradley watched your face return to a neutral expression before you turned toward her. "Anything else we can help you with?" you asked blandly. When Whitney just shook her head, you waved to her and said goodbye. 

Bradley didn't know what to say to you as you watched Whitney walk away. 

You took both of his hands in yours and kissed his lips softly. "Ready to go home?"

Bradley just grunted in agreement. "I'll follow you," he said. "In case you have any issues with your car."

"Okay," you said, your voice soft and sweet. He would have expected more of an argument about how your car was the best thing you owned, but you just nodded and agreed with him. 

So he watched you get settled in the driver's seat, and he pulled out onto the main road behind you. He was glad you weren't in the Bronco to witness the emotional beating he was giving himself. 

----------------------

Bradley slept with that woman. You could tell almost immediately by the interaction, but you had needed him to confirm it for you. You knew it was before you and he were together. He made it a point to say that he hadn't known you existed yet when he was with her. 

You didn't care. It was obvious to you that Bradley had been with a lot of women before you. He had even told you as much. And you'd put Hangman, Payback and the other guys in their place when they tried to make Bradley feel bad about himself. You wouldn't let anyone get to him over something so dumb. But as you parked in the driveway and watched him pull in as well, you got the distinct feeling that he was already in his own head over this. And you weren't sure if you'd be able to protect him against himself. 

He walked around the Bronco and opened your car door for you. "Thanks, Roo," you said. He let you take his hand, but he remained silent as you led him to the front door. "Are you hungry? We still have some of the leftover soup you got to help me feel better." 

But he just shook his head and quickly unbuttoned his uniform shirt, leaving him in his white undershirt and khaki pants. "I'm not hungry," he said softly, grabbing Tramp's leash and hanging his shirt on the hook instead. "You should eat though. Don't want you to start feeling sick again."

He knelt down and clipped Tramp's leash to his collar, then he opened the front door. 

"Can we talk about it, Roo?"

You watched his broad chest rise and fall, but he didn't meet your eyes. "I just... I'll be back."

"Bradley," you said firmly, fighting the urge to stomp your foot and yell at him. "I do not care about that shit. It doesn't matter to me "

But he turned further away from you. "I'm embarrassed. I can't take you to the mechanic without running into someone I hooked up with, who I can barely even fucking recognize. It's bad enough that it happens at the bar or when I'm fucking deployed."

"Bradley," you tried again. "Please look at me?"

He did exactly as you asked, but his face looked pale and pinched. His eyes were guarded, and you hesitated even though you wanted to touch him.

The words, "I love you," slipped from your lips, but he just nodded and opened the door. Tramp danced around at his feet, getting excited to go outside. 

"Please, just let me take Tramp for a walk." He didn't wait for an answer, and soon you were standing in the entryway alone.

You didn't know how to reassure him. You thought about texting Phoenix for help, but what could she do? It would be a bad idea to text Jake, so you would just wait Bradley out. He had to come home eventually.

-------------------------

Bradley strolled up and down the beach in his combat boots while Tramp sniffed everything along the way. It was windy and cloudy, and nobody else was really out, which suited his mood. 

He was so embarrassed. He couldn't stop thinking about the fact that you must be embarrassed, too, even if you weren't admitting it to him. 

Bradley just wanted to be good for you. He wanted you to be as proud of him as he was of you. The wedding was next month, and it was pretty much all planned and ready now. Marrying you was the only thing he wanted for himself. 

Tramp started dragging around a piece of driftwood as Bradley led him further up the beach. He had everything he wanted; everything had changed so much in barely a year of knowing you. He had you and Tramp and somewhere to live that wasn't temporary.

You had to know all the other women were before he met you. He'd told you that. Bradley had told you there was nobody else for him now, just you. So why did he feel so shitty? 

He caught sight of his tattoo, and his embarrassment grew deeper. You wanted him to talk to you instead of stew, but he'd walked out of the house anyway. The sun was setting now, and he'd usually be showering or snuggling with you at this point in the evening.

"Fuck," he grunted, guiding Tramp up to the beach entrance trail. "Let's go talk to Mommy."

When he finished brushing the sand from Tramp's fur and let him in, it was getting dark outside. You appeared to be fresh out of the shower, wearing his old UVA shirt as you cleaned up the kitchen.

You turned to face him with wide eyes. "Cleaning the kitchen is my job," he said, trying for a teasing tone. 

"Yeah, you're better at it than I am," you replied with a hesitant smile. "How was your walk?"

He took a step closer. "I'm sorry I didn't stay and talk to you."

You just shrugged. "You needed a minute to yourself. I can appreciate that. But I don't know why you're embarrassed, Roo. I didn't learn anything new today."

He just shook his head. "I know you didn't. And just to be clear, there's nothing else to learn. It's just been you since we met. You know that, right?"

The soft smile that touched your lips could have brought him to his knees. "Yeah, I know that. It was the same for me. I didn't want to date anyone when we met, or have you forgotten that? I didn't even want to date you at first," you said with a laugh. "But that didn't last long."

Your hand connected with his abs, and when he didn't stop you, he felt you wrap your arms around him. "You don't think I'm a little embarrassed that I originally intended for you to be a hookup? A hookup, Bradley. I love you more than anything else in this world, and while you were trying to tell me you were falling in love with me, I was trying to keep it casual."

He laughed as you rubbed your cheek against his chest. "Yeah, that is a little embarrassing," he agreed, already feeling better. 

You looked up at him, eyes wide, demanding his attention. "You're not the only one with a past. You never make me feel bad about myself, and I never want you to feel bad either. There's a reason we both stopped hooking up when we met each other. We're supposed to be together."

He just nodded. "You know, I was embarrassed that I didn't recognize Whitney at first. Thought it was because I'd been such a manwhore. But I think maybe the reason I couldn't remember her or anyone else is because you've taken over my whole brain, Baby Girl." 

Your eyes flashed with something akin to anger. "Do not call yourself a manwhore. I fucking lost it on the guys when they made you feel bad, and I'll lose it on you just the same."

He swallowed hard. "Okay. I won't."

"And if I was somehow able to make you only think of me, I'm certainly not going to complain." You nuzzled your face against his arm and kissed along his tattoo. "You're mine."

Bradley let you make him feel better. He let you heat up some soup for him, and you sat in his lap while he ate it. He let you get him cozy on the couch and snuggle as you watched a show. He let you do all that magical stuff you always did that made his heart feel full.

------------------------

Thursday was better, but by Friday, Bradley had definitely perked up. 

"What time is dinner with Cam and Maria?" Bradley asked, getting changed into jeans after work. 

"In an hour and a half," you told him from the bathroom where you were doing your hair. 

He walked in and let his hands rest on your hips. "You look so pretty. Should I cancel golf and bar hopping with the guys tomorrow and spend the day with you instead?"

You glared playfully at him in the mirror. "Are you really golfing tomorrow? Or is that just a cover for another tattoo?"

"Don't test me, Baby Girl," he whispered, kissing your neck. "If it wasn't Coyote's birthday, I would be canceling."

"No, you should go, because I have some things I need to do tomorrow."

He kissed along your neck and you smirked. "Like what?"

"Well..." you said, turning in his arms so you were facing him. "I was hoping Daddy would give me an allowance to go lingerie shopping for the honeymoon." You looked up into his wide, brown eyes with as much innocence as you could muster without grinning. You didn't need his money for that, but you loved teasing him. 

You watched his head tip back as he groaned, his Adam's apple straining. "Fuck. How much do you want?" He started fumbling in his jeans pocket. "Here, take my whole wallet."

You started laughing. "You want me to buy a lot, Roo?"

"I want you to buy everything," he said, handing you his wallet and then pushing you up against the sink vanity. "Buy it all. Lingerie, dresses, bathing suits. Whatever you want."

You were giggling as he rubbed his mustache along your cheek. "Whatever I want?"

His hands were on your zipper as he kissed you all over your face. "Use my credit cards. Drain my retirement accounts if you need to. I'll take out a second mortgage. Get whatever you want."

You tucked his wallet into your back pocket, and it took all your willpower to grab his wrist and pull his hand out of the front of your underwear. "Bradley," you whispered as he hummed next to your ear. "We can't right now. Rings, remember?"

Bradley groaned as he zipped and buttoned your jeans for you. "Picking out wedding rings is the only thing that could deter me from a quickie right now. I hope you know that."

You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him hard. "We won't stay out too late tonight."

Bradley picked you up and whispered, "We'll skip dessert, and I'll bring you home and eat you instead."

---------------------

Bradley really wanted you to pick out whichever matching wedding bands you wanted, but you insisted on getting his input. 

"It's gotta be gold to match," you said, holding up your left hand which he kissed. "Your dad picked out the prettiest ring for your mom."

"He did, but that's your ring now. Pick out whatever you want to match."

He watched you look at seemingly every ring in the jewelry store before pulling out a few plain gold bands that you liked. The jeweler helped you try them on with your ring, and Bradley was already imagining slipping one of them on your finger himself. 

"I like these two," you finally told him, pointing out two pairs. "You choose."

Bradley slipped the first one on his finger and smiled. It felt good. It looked good. He liked it. He swapped it out for the second one, and he saw your smile grow. He liked this one even more.

"Put the matching one back on, Baby Girl." You slid the matching band on and held your hand up for him. They were simple gold bands, and yours looked perfect with your engagement ring. "These ones, yeah?"

You just nodded and kissed him. "Yeah. I'm paying for them," you said, handing your credit card to the jeweler before he could argue. "Don't worry Daddy, I'll run up a sizeable bill on your card tomorrow."

Bradley tilted your chin up with his fingers. "You better."

He couldn't wait to get you home. But first, Bradley had to make it through dinner. Luckily, he knew Cam and Maria well enough by this point to be able to touch you the whole time without them batting an eye.

Cam smiled across the table at him while he ate his salad. "So, Bradley, you ever planning on shaving off that pornstache, I mean mustache?" he asked with a smile.

Bradley chuckled and leaned over to kiss your cheek. "That's up to this one," he replied, looking at you.

"No, it stays forever," you told Cam. "Had him shave it once. Instant regret." 

"Should I be looking at bridesmaids dresses?" Maria asked. "You guys really need to pick a wedding date!"

You and Bradley shared a smirk. "Don't worry about that yet," you told your friend. 

"I want to worry about it!" Maria complained. "You guys could have gotten married last year, and I feel like nobody would have thought it was weird."

Bradley appreciated your friends for how much they really did like him, and how much they obviously loved you. But there was no way they were going to get any top secret wedding intel out of either of you.

"Oh, you know what we should do, Roo?" you suddenly asked him. "Let's host a Halloween party!"

You were giving him a look. He thought this might have been your way of steering the conversation where you wanted it. "Yeah, sounds fun," he agreed, looking across the table at your friends who both looked delighted. So he'd host another party with you. That sounded like something for married people. 

True to your word, you and Bradley ducked out before dessert. When Bradley buckled you into the Bronco, he pulled the wedding bands out of the glovebox and handed them to you. "Don't want to forget to take those inside later," he told you with a kiss. He watched you tuck them into your purse, and as soon as he was pulling out onto the road, your hands were on his jeans, unzipping.

"Oh, shit," Bradley groaned as you eased your hand inside his jeans and started stroking him, making him a little hard after just a few passes of your hand along his cock. "I get a handjob on the way home?" He was trying to pay attention to the road, but he glanced down to watch your hand pump him all the way to the tip and then move back down.

"Road head, Daddy," you said just before you started to shimmy yourself onto your belly.

"Hell yes," Bradley hissed as he felt your warm breath on his cock. You wasted no time, taking him deep, letting him hit the back of your throat. It took every ounce of Bradley's concentration to stay on the road as he hit the back of your throat again, making you gag. By the third time you started gagging, Bradley was panting.

You withdrew him long enough to ask, "Does Daddy like that?" Then he was gliding back between your perfect lips while you sucked on him.

Bradley ran his fingers along the back of your neck and grunted. "Daddy loves it. Just keep your seatbelt on, Baby Girl." He took the long way home, driving on backroads at a leisurely pace that seemed to match the movement of your mouth around his dick. You weren't in any hurry, and neither was he. "My God, you give the best head." 

He dragged his hand down your neck and along your spine until he was palming your ass through your jeans. When he rolled up to a stop sign, he landed a hard slap that had you suddenly jerking forward and moaning. 

"Fuck!" Bradley practically howled. He was seeing stars, you were taking him so deep now. He kept his foot firmly pressing down on the brake pedal and listened to the sloppy, wet sounds you were making on him. He was too close now, fucking up into your mouth. 

A horn blared behind him, and he let loose a string of curse words as he manually rolled down his window and waved the car behind him around. He was going to cum, he was right on the edge. The other driver was stopping next to him and asking if he needed any help. 

Bradley's head was tipped back against the headrest as the first tingles of his orgasm washed through him.

"I'm fine!" he hollered through the open window. "Oh shit, I'm so good."

"Are you sure?" the other driver asked.

Bradley just violently waved him on, saying, "My wife has it under control!"

He felt you moan, and that was it. He was filling your mouth with cum as you sucked with hollowed out cheeks until he couldn't feel his fingertips. 

Bradley ended up waving on two more cars before you popped his softening cock out of your mouth and smiled up at him. "Take me home."

"Anything you want," he whispered, and you carefully zipped him back up while he drove you there.

------------------------

"You called me your wife," you gasped. "In the Bronco."

"Mmhmm," Bradley hummed against your clit as you tipped your head back against your pillow. He was gently stroking his fingers along your tattoo and holding your right foot in place on his shoulder.

"It turned me on."

"I can see that," he said, grinning up at you. "I can taste it, too. You're so wet."

You propped yourself up on one elbow and watched him work you over. He was so sexy, and every time you saw his tattoo, you clenched around his fingers. You were so close now, and you wanted to cum, so you decided to push him over the edge. 

"We have wedding rings."

Yep, that did it. You collapsed back against the pillow as he went feral on you, making you cum on his face.

Bradley kissed your lips, hovering over you like he was about to do some pushups. "What did I do to deserve road head?" he whispered, nudging your nose with his until you were smiling. "Thought we would wait until we got home. Maybe make that video? But damn... you got me off good in the Bronco."

You ran your fingers gently through his hair. "You're the best. You're letting me throw a Halloween party. You're planning our honeymoon. You talked to me the other day about the stuff from your past that makes you a little embarrassed. Even though it shouldn't, Roo. But you didn't shut me out."

"I don't want to shut you out, Sweetheart. You always make me feel so much better." He eased himself down so that he was resting against your chest. "Now promise Daddy you'll buy whatever you want for our honeymoon tomorrow."

You giggled. "Promise."

"And promise Daddy you'll send some photos while you're shopping." He nipped along your breasts as your fingers wound in his hair.

You thought about what you could send to him while he was playing golf and drinking with the guys. "Promise. But it might mess up your golf game."

Bradley groaned against you. "My golf game is already bad. Just fuck it up more, Baby Girl."

-------------------------

Covered a lot of emotions in this one. Also making a lot of promises. Also getting closer to his deployment.

PART 13

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[shankschewtoy]

Hey slayer. I've been violently ill lately and thought it be best to turn my misery into your profit, so here's a request for you. May I request the asl trio with an s/o that one night got really really sick?? Like I'm talking throwing up in the toilet, body shaking, feeling like you're going yo die type of thing. Thanks, have a great day and I hope you drink water 👋

a/n - nooo! I’m sorry about that anon :( I hope you feel better soon :) sorry in advance but I somehow make things cracky when they’re supposed to be serious 💀

warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, vomit, comfort

- this guy hasn’t gotten sick once in his entire life, so he doesn’t know what the fuck to do when someone gets sick- (have you seen the way he tried to handle when nami got sick 😭)

- today, you already felt nauseous, sick to your stomach. The thought of eating made you want to throw yourself overboard-

- the rocking waves that shook the boat back and forth only contributed more- you weren’t even sure if this was your sickness, or sea sickness at this point

- maybe both?

- the toilet was your new bestie, the amount of times you threw up in there were countless

- chopper did his best with what meds he had- but nothing really eased the sickness. Your head just kept banging, dizzy from how many times you’ve thrown up

- your captain wasn’t sure what to do- he just kept frantically calling chopper over to see if you were ok.. He knew that maybe his funny antics weren’t going to help you right now

- “Sorry y/n… But I think this is just going to pass tomorrow, hang in there.” -chopper

- You were glad it wasn’t anything serious, but this was horrible

- Don’t you worry, Luffy stayed with you the entire night. He stole a bucket from Sanji for you to throw up in, and tried to tell you funny stories to lighten up your mood

- “Okok- ummmmm. Ok so there was this one time where grandpa kicked me down into a hole at night and-“ (Luffy was abused /with love)

- whenever you tried to sleep, he’d pat your head softly to lull you to sleep, and he tried his VERY hardest not to make any noise

- he ends up making noise but- it’s alright, you still love him (I hope)

- “Y/n! Don’t think about green! Like- don’t think about bushes and stuff! Think about uh… Meat! Wait- no. Uhm….“

- You were getting even more sick at the mention of the color green.. And meat? Luffy no.

- “NO I’M SORRY! DON’T THINK ABOUT MEAT! THINK ABOUT UH- THE SKY? THE GOING MERRY! SUNNY?”

- with him naming random stuff extremely loudly, it was able to distract you from all those gross thoughts, good save Luffy

- you made it through the night (traumatized) but alive. You were glad Luffy was there to stay with you, even though he’s not the best doctor in town lmao

- he loves you, and he’d do anything to make you feel alright :)

- he’s very experienced with almost every sickness, and he’s read about almost every kind of medical book he has in his library

- but nothing prepared him for taking care of the person he loved, because books don’t cover that :)

- you already asked Dragon if you could rest for today, and that alone made sabo so worried. You never had to miss a mission.. This must’ve been really bad

- as soon as the ship docked, sabo sprinted, and I mean SPED towards the headquarters

- my man literally knocked poor koala over on the way 😭

- when he burst through the door like a mad man, he grimaced when he saw how bad you looked

- you were still sitting by the toilet, your face turning green in close intervals

- “Oh hey sabo- how was the m-“ *throws up*

- “Y/N?! ARE YOU OK?!”

- He’s about to faint, but he managed to drag the doctor out from his office, and haul ass back to you for him to check you out

- sabo never knew he could be so tense and anxious, he found out today that he suffered from major anxiety whenever something bad happened to you 😭

- The doctor explained that it was simply a really bad stomach flu, and it would go away by either tomorrow or the next few days

- sabo was glad it wasn’t anything serious! But still, he was worried about you, I mean… You weren’t looking great-

- He tried his best, but whenever you threw up, he felt sick as well- so he comforted you while closing his eyes and covering his ears (he’s trying)

- at one point he had to run off because he threw up too 💀 probably from both feeling horrible because you were going through this. And also, he’s scared of vomit unfortunately

- just because he’s scared doesn’t mean he’s not going to stay with you 24/7! He’s sitting with you, giving you whatever you ask and need

- he tries to talk about anything except vomit and the color green lmao- but he somehow finds a way to get back to it??

- “Yeah on the mission today- we were freeing some of our comrades and one of them- his name’s Steve. He was wearing this AWFUL green shirt and I swear-!” *throws up*

- “I’M SORRY- FORGET EVERYTHING I JUST SAID PLEASE.”

- this poor man is dying, but trying 👍

- like Luffy, this guy has never been sick. EVER

- but he’s an expert at sensing whether or not you’re feeling ok- it’s kinda creepy

- it’s like he knows if a sneeze is coming, and he says bless you early 0-0

- this time, he didn’t catch it since he was off the ship, kicking marine ass on an island

- when he got back, you were- let’s just say.. You’ve been better.

- Whitebeard was worried, and Marco took a look at you right away. No one was as worried as Ace though, this poor guy was on fire, quite literally

- he kept accidentally setting things on fire around him from how worried he was!

- “Ace, don’t panic. Stay calm.” -Whitebeard

- “I AM CALM.”

- no he is not calm at all

- Marco told you that this would just have to pass normally, and he could only give you some anti-nausea meds

- when ace could finally go into your room, he was asking every single question known to man

- “Baby are you ok? You need water? Hugs? Food? A bucket? Meds? Blanket? Marco to turn into a fluffy bird and for you to hold him in your hand?”

- “…what?”

- let’s just say if you need something, he’s on it

- whenever you throw up, he’s like- cheering you on?

- “Great job! Get all that nasty stuff out! You got this!”

- I mean. It helped I guess 💀

- he’ll give you cuddles, hugs, anything to help you fall asleep and get through the night

- you finally fell asleep on him after a couple hours

- but this poor dude needed to pee so bad at around 3am. But the thought of waking you up, only for you to start throwing up again made him so sad..

- he didn’t want you to have to go through it again if you didn’t have to!

- so he sucked it up, and held it until you woke up at 7

- “Oh hey ace.. I feel a lot better now, thanks for staying.”

- “Oh my gosh that’s great! But give me like- 10 seconds I have to pee so fucking bad-!”

- my man SPED to the bathroom, leaving a literal trail of fire 💀💀💀

- he was in there for a while 😭

a/n - ace is so sweet 🥹

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece hcs #anime hcs #luffy headcanons #monkey d luffy #one piece luffy #luffy x y/n #luffy x reader #mugiwara no luffy #monkey d. luffy #ace one piece #ace x reader #ace x y/n #ace x you #luffy x you #fire fist ace #portgas d ace #ace op #one piece ace #revolutionary sabo #sabo x y/n #sabo x reader #one piece sabo #sabo x you #sabo #sabo one piece #chief of staff sabo #sabo headcanons #sabo the revolutionary

[feelbokkie]

Feelbokkie's A Christmas Carol

Feelbokkiemas Day 1

genre: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

pov: 2nd person and 3rd person

description: After a scheduling mishap causes the boys to have to perform on Christmas Eve, Jisung starts to believe that Stray Kids would be better off without him. (A very loose adaptation of A Christmas Carol)

pairing: idol!Jisung x his demons (oh and fem!reader)

warnings: swearing, depiction of bullying, minor violence, mention of death, disbandment, depiction of a panic attack, mention of throwing up

word count: 10,848 (I am so sorry) 

©feelbokkie (2023) — all rights reserved. reposting/modification of any kind is not tolerated.

☀️Feelbokkie M.list ☀️

🎄12 Days of Feelbokkiemas🎄

"Why the fuck am I here?" Jisung sings into his microphone.

The music stops, causing everyone to freeze. Minho, Changbin, Hyunjin, and Chan turn to glare at Jisung, who messed up one of their few good takes for the rehearsal. Felix, Seungmin, and Jeongin turn to the staff and back up dancers and apologize on Jisung's behalf.

It's Christmas Eve, eve and the boys are doing a last-minute rehearsal for their Christmas eve performance. The whole ordeal is last minute. They were told last week that they were scheduled to appear on the show and if they canceled last minute, it'd look bad. With everything else going on, nothing was prepared. Flights home had to be canceled, staff members had to be called back, and songs had to be rearranged.

Nobody was more pissed off than Jisung about the scheduling mishap. This year, he was planning on going home with you for Christmas and to meet your parents. There were so many scheduling conflicts that he just never had the opportunity and he knew how much this meant to you. It broke his heart when he had to call you, crying, saying that he had to cancel, yet again.

"We get that you're mad but fucking up the song isn't going to do anything but piss us all off!" Chan yells, finally at his breaking point with Jisung.

"I'm sick and tired of this! I have to miss out on yet another thing that's important to Y/n because whoever is in charge of our schedule can't keep their shit straight. And if In can't pick up the choreography or if Felix can't get his cues right, we're never getting it right. So we should just give up now and go home." He responds into the mic, making sure everyone hears him.

Both Felix and Jeongin's heads drop to the floor before they turn back to the staff and apologize for their mistakes. Hyunjin and Seungmin go to comfort their respective maknaes. Jisung's sudden outburst only causes the older members to get angry, including Minho, who mostly tolerates Jisung's tantrums.

"Dude, don't blame Yongbok or In for anything! We've all made mistakes, you especially! Maybe if you focused on your lyrics and dancing, then we could go home and you could bitch and moan to Y/n on the phone like you've been doing all week!" Changbin shouts as he gets in Jisung's face.

"What, are you going to hit me? Because I'm right? Because you and everyone else is too scared to say it?" Jisung taunts, closing the gap between him and Changbin.

Chan quickly jumps in between them, pushing Changbin away from Jisung. He could tell by the tension brewing between the two of them that if he doesn't stop them now, this could only end one way: with Jisung flat on his back while Changbin, for the first time in his life, towering over him.

"Maybe we should take a break, yeah?" Chan tries to calm the two of them down.

"No, fuck this. I'm going home." Jisung hops off the makeshift stage and grabs his things from the front row, making sure to toss in his water bottles and phone.

“You know, you’re not the only one who had to cancel plans, right? We all had to cancel flights and trips home.” Minho says softly, trying to calm down the younger man.

“So why am I the only one upset?” He shouts causing Felix and Jeongin to jump. The backup dancers take this as a sign to leave the practice room, not wanting to be witnesses to the shitstorm that has been brewing since they started rehearsing two days ago.

"Hannie--"

“You’re not the only one who's upset, but you’re the only one not shutting the fuck up about it!” Changbin shouts again, the sudden emptiness in the room amplifies his already booming voice.

"Just let him leave. Then we wouldn't have to hear him bitch and moan anymore. One of us can just cover all of his parts tomorrow. Like we always do." Hyunjin breathes, finally having enough of Jisung's attitude.

"Hyunjin--"

"He's right. Tomorrow you guys can send out an announcement that I'm sick and then after the holidays, you guys can send out another notice announcing my departure from the group." Jisung climbs the fake stage again, the only exit for the practice room being in the back.

"Hyung--"

"--I think we're all a little tired and frustrated right now so maybe we should--"

"No, no, it's perfect. You guys can just cover all my parts for every song that we have. Hyunjin can just take my spot in 3racha since I'm clearly not needed here anymore. Right? Since I'm such a pain in the ass."

"Han, why don't we--"

"--Jisung, that's not--"

"--Nobody said anything like that--"

Jisung turns to leave the group, waving off his members' pleas.

"Where are you going?" Chan asks, trying, yet again, to de-escalate the situation.

"I'm going back to the dorm, packing my shit, and leaving." Jisung, who is halfway to the door, spins around to face his soon-to-be former group members. "You’ve all made it clear that I’m nothing but a problem. And Hyunjin made it very, very clear that you guys can just replace me so—"

“I didn’t say that you m—“

"If he wants to leave, let him leave. There's no use fighting with him. You know his stubborn ass isn't worth arguing with right now." Seungmin walks over to Hyunjin and places a hand on his shoulder, trying to at least calm him down.

"Thank you so much for that, Seungmin. Really helpful." Chan sighs, side-eyeing the second youngest member of the group. He hesitates for a second before approaching Jisung. "Why don’t we just call it for tonight? It’s late. We’re tired. We can run this in the morning."

“You guys can run this again in the morning. I’m done,” Jisung shouts as he storms out of the rehearsal space, slamming the door behind him.

***

Jisung spent the whole drive back to the dorm trying to book a flight to your parents’ house. The earliest flight he could find wouldn’t leave until late Christmas Eve night and, with the number of layovers, wouldn’t bring him to you until the day after Christmas. Distraught, annoyed, and exhausted all he could do was pack whatever he could, take a shower, and try to get some sleep.

Sleep didn't come easily for Jisung. He was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted but still restless. Fighting with his brothers never felt good. The eight of them went through hell together. Jisung knew that there wouldn't be anyone else besides them who would understand exactly what he was feeling. But, thanks to Hyunjin, the idea that they could just easily replace him didn't sit well with him either. He knows that it shouldn't have escalated to that, but at the same time, he was only saying what needed to be said. Hyunjin is the one who escalated things.

Eventually, Jisung decided that taking a sleeping pill would be the only way he was going to get any sleep. So he takes the pill, washing it down with one of the water bottles by his bedside. He climbs back into bed, turning the picture he has of you to face him, and quickly drifts off to sleep.

BANG

Jisung jumps up, his heart pounding in his ribcage. He looks around his dark room, unsure of what made that noise. After a second, he grabs his phone, quickly dismissing the missed calls and texts from everyone to check the time. 12:00 AM

"You've got to be kidding me," He groans as he flops back into his bed. He only slept for about an hour.

Bang, bang, bang

Jisung mentally curses out all three of his roommates, who only want to piss him off further tonight. Why they feel the need to make so much noise right now is beyond him. He's almost certain it's just Hyunjin and his temper being pettier than normal.

BANG, BANG

Mentally preparing for round two of fighting with Changbin and Hyunjin, Jisung climbs out of bed. He makes his way over to his door. His heart pounds louder in his chest, this time out of anxiety rather than fear like when he woke up. He takes a deep breath before pulling his door open.

"What is your guys'-- What the hell?" Jisung is left confused as he's met with the darkness of the dorm. Not a single soul in sight.

Brushing it off as a prank, or even as the boys are scared of his reaction and hiding, he slams his door shut and walks back to his bed. He settles back in, covering himself with his blanket, and attempts to fall back asleep.

Knock, knock

Jisung, annoyed, rips his blanket off before stomping back to the door

"Can you guys just grow the fuck u--...Jagiya?" Jisung nearly passes out when he sees your face on the other side of his door. You're not supposed to be here. You're supposed to be back home with your parents. So why are you standing outside of his bedroom at midnight?

"Not exactly," You answer softly.

A strange, white light illuminates you, the rest of the door pitch black behind you. A pair of over-the-ear headphones are locked around your neck. Chains wrap around your body like a boa constrictor. He almost can't see the all-white outfit that you're wearing. You walk--no float into his room, causing him to stumble back.

"What the fuck?" He asks in disbelief.

"You swear a lot, do you know that?" The you, that is not exactly you, asks.

"I'm dreaming. I have to be dreaming." Jisung mutters to himself. He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. "Yeah, this is just some weird side effect from the sleeping pill. And instead of the hat man, I'm seeing Y/n."

Jisung slowly opens his eyes to find his room empty. He lets out a sigh of relief as he closes the door and walks back to his bed. He climbs in one last time and shuts his eyes, ready to return to sleep.

Clang, clang, clang

Jisung quickly opens his eyes only to find not-you hovering over him. Literally.

"Ah! What the fuck?" He screams, sitting up in his bed. Had Changbin, Chan, and Hyunjin been home, they would have been startled awake by his sudden terror.

"There you go with the swearing again. I should try to fix that too," The not-you thinks as you float down to sit on his bed with him.

"What the fu--what the hell are you?" He asks, pressing his hand to his chest to try to settle his heart. He can't remember what it feels like to have a normal heartbeat.

"Still a swear but I'll let it slide since you're trying to censor yourself." Not-you climbs off the bed and starts looking around the messy room. "I'm a spirit of sorts."

"A spirit? Does that mean that Y/n is..." He can't bring himself to finish the question.

"No, no. Y/n is safe and sound. I'm merely borrowing their voice and likeness since it may be the only way to get you to pay attention to me." Not-you picks up one of the crumpled pieces of paper from Jisung's desk and starts reading it.

"Then...am I dead? Oh my god, the sleeping pills." He panics. He knows he's had the bottle for a while, but he didn't think they were expired or anything.

"Relax, Jisung. You can't overdose on a single sleeping pill. You're still alive and well."

"There why is there a ghost in my room?"

"Not a ghost, a spirit. Two completely different things. A common misconception though, so I don't blame you for your incompetence."

"Why. Are. You. Here?"

"Still a little moody I see." Not-you pulls out the chair from Jisung's desk and sits on it. "I'm here to stop you from making a mistake."

"And what mistake is that?" Jisung relaxes a bit.

"Ruining Christmas,"

"My Christmas is already ruined, so fuck Christmas."

"Is that your favorite word or something?"

"I'll show you my favorite words in a second if you don't start explaining."

"Jeez, that temper of yours really is something. I'm surprised you didn't blow up on your friends sooner."

"You don't get it. I--"

"I know why you blew up and that person is next on my list of people to visit. But don't you think you're exaggerating a bit? You're going to throw away years of hard work just because you didn't get your way?"

"That's not--You're uncomplicating things a bit."

"Hm, am I? Because, from what I saw, you overcomplicated them." Not-you spins around in the desk chair, much to Jisung's irritation.

"You don't understand--"

"What I do understand is that you're on track to derail millions of lives."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I really should do something about that mouth of yours while I'm here."

"Y/n--no, not Y/n. Spirit, what are you talking about?" Jisung gets off his bed and finally confronts not-you.

"See, I could tell you. But I think it'd stick better if I just let my friends show you."

"Friends? More spirits are coming?"

Not-you looks at the clock in the corner of the room before getting up. Not-you starts walking to the door to leave.

"Not spirits, ghosts. Three of them, actually. The first one should be here in under an hour."

"What?"

"Have fun Jisung," Not-you winks before disappearing through the door.

***

KNOCK

Jisung isn't sure when or how he fell asleep but less than an hour later he was being woken up again by a single loud knock. He checks the clock on his phone, groaning at the fact that it's only one in the morning now.

"You're a punctual ghost, huh?" Jisung mumbles as he gets up. He's not sure why he's going along with what the first spirit said. He's almost convinced that he's dreaming. Hell, this could all be some elaborate hallucination for all he knows.

When Jisung opens his bedroom door, he finds nothing but the black void of the dorm yet again. Getting annoyed, he closes the door and turns around, ready to go back to his bed.

“Oh, what the fuck?” Jisung jumps up, nearly slamming himself into the door as he jumps up.

In front of him is another not-you. You when you were a child. He didn’t know you back then. He’s only seen pictures of you when you were small. He’d often look at pictures of you when you were a kid and imagine what your kids would look like.

“You said a bad word.” Little not-you giggles.

“What are you? Like 11? I was swearing like a sailor when I was your age.” Jisung sighs as he regains his composure.

“I’m 9, thank you very much. And yeah, I know. You were a bad kid.” Little not-you starts to wander around Jisung’s room.

“You know?” Jisung furrows his eyebrows together as he follows little not-you, making sure they don’t break anything or fall.

“Yeah! I’m the ghost of Christmas past! I know lots and lots about the past.” Little not-you picks up a snow globe that sits on Jisung's desk and starts playing with it.

“So we’re going to look back on my past Christmases?” Jisung takes the snow globe out of little not-you’s hands and puts it where they can’t reach, causing them to pout. Cute, you still scrunch your nose like that. 

“Hm, Marley says you’re a special case so we’re just going to go to the past. That’s why Marley made me come in this form. They said you’d be nicer to me but I think Marley lied because you’re still a big old meanie.”

“Who the fuck is Marley?” Jisung asks, causing little not-you to quickly cover their ears.

“Someone should wash your mouth out with soap.”

“Sorry, sorry. Who is Marley?” Jisung crouches down to little not-you’s eye level, placing his hand on their head.

"Marley? The spirit you met before I got here. Wow, normally They introduce themselves but I guess-- Oh no! We got to go, we're running out of time. I'm going to get in so much trouble with Marley!" Little not-you grabs Jisung's hand and drags him to his bedroom door. He has no choice but to follow them.

As they cross the threshold, Jisung is confused as the cool, dark dorm turns into a humid, bright room. No, not room, classroom. The humidity and the layout of the classroom feel familiar to Jisung. He scans the empty classroom until his eyes land on a desk.

"Why are we here?" Jisung asks calmly, not breaking his eye contact from the desk.

"You need to see something." Little not-you responds.

"I don't need to see anything. Why are we here?" Jisung raises his voice a little, still being mindful that he's talking to a child.

Little not-you stays quiet, not letting go of Jisung's hand. Before little not-you or Jisung can say anything else, someone walks into the room. Jisung recognizes his 14-year-old self, much to his dismay. He remembers it all, almost like it was yesterday. The awkward hair his mother gave him back in their kitchen that his brother said would make him look good if he got it. His uniform that was passed down from his brother didn't fit well but was told he would grow into it. The clear-framed glasses that made his eyes look small and were a bit bigger than his face. The feeling of his braces in his mouth. Being one of the shorter kids in his class. The deafening whispers that seemed to follow him everywhere. And while it feels like it was yesterday, it was nearly 10 years ago.

Younger Jisung quietly walks to the desk in the furthest part of the room, right by the window. His over-the-ear headphones sit on his head, playing his music slightly too loud. He pulls out a notebook from his backpack that present-day Jisung recognizes immediately. His old lyric book.

"Hey, you idiot, put that away!" Present day Jisung yells at his younger self.

"He can't hear you. This is just a memory, we're not really here." Little not-you says quietly.

"Why are we here?" He asks again.

"Shh, something's happening." Jisung instinctively squeezes little not-you's hand.

A group of three boys loudly come into the classroom. Younger Jisung doesn't hear them come in. His music is too loud and his face is buried in his notebook. Present day Jisung bites his tongue, fighting the urge to warn himself about what's about to happen. He knows there's no use, he isn't going to hear him anyway. Present day Jisung's heart pounds in his body as it slowly sinks to the pit of his stomach.

The boys spot younger Jisung and make their way to him, whispering something. As they make their way over to him, present-day Jisung finally lets go of little not-you's hand and runs to block their path. He closes his eyes, waiting for them to bump into him. Instead, he feels nothing as they walk through him.

"I told you," Little not-you comes up beside him, "we're not actually here."

"Yeah but--"

"Hey! Give that back!" Younger Jisung's voice cuts off present-day Jisung, causing him to whip his head behind him.

The tallest of the group of boys is now holding the lyric book. Younger Jisung tries to grab the notebook back, but he's too slow. The taller boy turns out of the way, causing younger Jisung to stumble. His two friends quickly move to hold Jisung back.

"What do we have here?" The taller boy asks, flipping through the notebook.

"None of your fucking business! Give that back!" Jisung struggles against the other two boys' grip on him. The sudden swear causes little not-you to gasp in shock.

"Wait, I can read any of this. What is this your diary or something?" The taller boy asks, dangling the notebook in front of younger Jisung.

Present-day Jisung smirks, remembering his pure stroke of genius. He wrote all of his lyrics in Korean, knowing none of his classmates would be able to read his writing. It was one of his rarer big-brain moments.

"Oh yeah, totally. It has every single detail of when I spent last night with your mom." Younger Jisung spits, still wrestling against the other two boys.

"You fucking idiot," Present-day Jisung mutters under his breath.

The taller boy didn't like that answer. His face quickly turns red as he swiftly punches younger Jisung in the gut. Younger Jisung hunches over, the wind being knocked out of him. The other two boys let go, allowing younger Jisung's body to slump to the ground as he held his stomach.

RIP

Younger Jisung's head snaps up at the sound, silently praying that what he thinks is happening is, well, isn't happening. His body runs cold, sending a chill down his spine.

RIP

The taller boy rips out another page from the notebook and hands it to his friends. The two friends rip up the pages more, letting them trickle down to the floor.

"Stop it!" Younger Jisung yells. Still in pain, he grabs onto the taller one's legs.

"What the...?" The taller boy shakes' younger Jisung off his leg. Once he's free he delivers a swift kick in younger Jisung's direction, making a direct connection with his stomach. Present day Jisung grabs his stomach, remembering the pain from that day.

As younger Jisung whiters in pain on the floor, the three boys continue to rip out pages from the notebook.

"Please...stop," Younger Jisung cries out, his face becoming wet with tears. Whether they're from pain or watching years of work being reduced to shreds is something that even present-day Jisung doesn't know.

After a few minutes, the taller boy throws the nearly empty notebook at younger Jisung, hitting him square in the face. He kicks him one more time, this time on this side, before stepping over him. One of his friends follows suit by kicking him in the side again and stepping over him. The last boy, being a free-thinker apparently, spits at younger Jisung before stepping over him and following his friends.

Covered in spit, tears, and a little bit of blood on his lips from the book hitting him in the mouth and getting caught on his braces, younger Jisung lets out a frustrated, angry scream.

Present day Jisung slowly walks over to his younger self, crouching down beside him. He gently places his hand on his younger self's head. He knows he can't actually feel it nor would younger him would get any comfort.

"You must have been so lonely," Little not-you whispers. Jisung looks up to find little not-you with their eyes rimmed with tears.

"I was fine. I had friends. Those three fu--those three punks ended up getting expelled a few weeks later. One of my classmates saw them beat the ever-living crap out of me. And, the following year, I was training at JYP so it was fine in the end." He moves out of the way as his younger self gets up and starts picking up the pieces of paper off the floor.

"B-but you didn't know that back then," Little not-you sniffles.

"Why did you bring me here? To this moment?" Jisung asks.

"Don't you remember," Little not-you whips their face "this was the day you decided you were going to move back to Korea and train seriously. You spent weeks convincing your parents to let you."

"So you brought me back here because--"

"Oh man, we don't have much time left. We have one more place to go."

Little not-you runs up to Jisung and grabs his hand, dragging him through the classroom doors before he can even protest. Instead of walking into the hallway, they walk into the familiar practice rooms at the old JYPE building.

"I know you don't like swearing but I'm going to start if you don't tell me why we're back in this building." Jisung whines.

He remembers the smell of the room the most. The sweat of every trainee who ever set foot in the room. Almost like it was absorbed into the walls. The state smell of vomit and the faint smell of the cleaning solution that would be used to clean the vomit. And the room is hot. The air conditioning never worked properly in this practice room and the fans only circulated the heat.

A young Jisung sits on the floor, back pressed against the practice room mirror. Younger Seungmin and Felix sit on his left, a speaker on his right. The speaker plays the backing track to a song Jisung remembers using for a monthly evaluation. Seungmin is scribbling something in a notebook while Felix is reading a textbook. Hyunjin stands in the middle of the room, holding a paper. Jeongin is probably with the four oldest members in one of the other practice rooms.

Jisung remembers practices being like this. In would go with the older members so they could help him since they were a bit more experienced while the '00 liners practiced together. Chan thought that the four middle members could use the time to settle their differences while helping each other.

"Jesus, do you know how to enunciate? You sound like you're trying to talk with a bunch of marbles in your mouth." Younger Jisung tells Hyunjin as he pauses the music.

Hyunjin clenches his fist, looking up at the stained ceiling as he tries to calm himself down. Both Seungmin and Felix squirm uncomfortably as they can sense yet another fight between the two oldest in the room.

"I am trying. Maybe if you actually try to teach me instead of sitting on your ass we could move on." Hyunjin breathes through his teeth.

"I don't know what you want me to do, Hyunjin. I can't teach talent." 

"Teach talent? I'm going to teach you something in a second if you don't shut up." Hyunjin slightly crumbles the lyric sheet in his hand.

"How can you teach me anything? The only reason you're even at this company is because someone just happened to think you're pretty. They got lucky that you can actually dance." Younger Jisung stands up.

"Hey Han, that's not--"

"Hey, Felix, how about you talk to me when you can string together a proper sentence in Korean." Younger Jisung snaps, turning around to face Felix. "Do you want me to say that slower? In English maybe?"

"Wow, you were a jerk." Little not-you says.

"Please don't. I'm already dying inside." Present-day Jisung groans.

"Jisung--"

"What, Seungmin? What are you two even doing here? You're writing in your diary again and Felix is practicing to read at a second-grade level."

"Leave Felix alone, Han."

"Why don't you hop off my dick and focus on rapping better, Hyunjin?"

"Rap better?" Hyunjin scoffs, "Why don't you focus on dancing better, maybe we would actually debut."

"Do you two have to have this argument every day?"

"Shut up, Seungmin!" They shout in unison, causing the youngest of the quartet to wince.

"I promise you, my dancing isn't an issue. Why are you even here? Chan only asked you to be in the group because you're such a clear visual."

"Say one more thing about me being pretty or a visual. I dare you." Hyunjin steps closer, closing the gap between them.

"I'm going to get Chan hyung," Felix says getting up from his spot and running out the door.

"Yeah, go ahead and run to dad, Felix!"

"Leave him alone, Jisung," Hyunjin warns.

"Oh, you're using my first name. I'm real scared."

"Can you two just stop fighting and take this seriously? We're supposed to be training for next week's evaluations." Seungmin gets up from his spot and walks over to Hyunjin and younger Jisung. He knows they're not going to start fighting physically, but with the way they've been at each other's throats recently, it's only a matter of time.

"I am taking this seriously! And I feel like I'm the only one who is."

"Can we go home?" Present Jisung asks, having enough of being in the past. He looks down at little not-you. They're staring at the scene, refusing to look away.

"Do you think you were a jerk back then because you were scared?" They ask, completely ignoring Jisung.

Younger Chan bursts into the room with Felix in tow just as younger Jisung pushes Hyunjin. Felix grabs Hyunjin just before he can push Jisung back. Chan walks over to Jisung and holds him back, just in case.

"What would I have been scared of?" Jisung tries to let go of little not-you's hand but they tighten their grip.

The scene continues to play out in front of them but no sound comes. The four remaining members pour into the room, trying to see what's going on. Chan is yelling, causing some of the younger members to wince while Hyunjin and younger Jisung glare at each other. Jisung can barely remember the speech that Chan gave that day. But he remembers it weighing on his mind for a while. Something about them having to get their shit together.

"You were lonely back in Malaysia. You came back to Korea to train. You made friends with Chan and Changbin while you guys did 3racha and then you were put into a trial group with six other people and you felt like it could work."

"What does that have to do with--"

"But you also felt that a lot of the other members weren't putting in the same amount of effort as you and that would have been the group's downfall. You were a jerk to everyone in your group because you were scared that the trial group was going to be your only chance at debuting. You trained for a little bit but you didn't want to be one of those trainees who were training for a large chunk of their life."

"Wait a second--"

"Ah, I have to take you back." Little not-you pulls towards the door the members just walked through.

Jisung takes one more look at his younger self as he crosses the threshold. His tense jaw, squinted eyes, gritted teeth--He remembers that ander. He remembers feeling that angry all the time back then. It slowly consumed him during his training days. It even consumed him the first couple of years after they debuted. It was almost like his best friend, the anger.

"What was the point in those two memories?" Jisung asks as he finally wiggles his hand out of little not-you's grasp.

"It's a secret," Little not-you sing songs as they explore Jisung’s room.

“Hey, kid, tell me,” He runs his hand through his hair, getting frustrated, “why did you make me relive those moments?”

“You didn’t relive them! You watched. Like a TV show.” Little not-you hops onto Jisung’s bed.

“I’m going to start swearing,”

“No!”

“Tell me!”

Little not-you pouts, crossing their arms. Having enough, Jisuung walks over to his bed and picks up little not-you. He doesn’t think about the fact that he’s holding a ghost or that he held hands with one earlier. His main concern is going back to sleep and trying to push the rest of the night out of his head.

Little not-you pouts, crossing their arms. Having enough, Jisuung walks over to his bed and picks up little not-you. He doesn’t think about the fact that he’s holding a ghost or that he held hands with one earlier. His main concern is going back to sleep and trying to push the rest of the night out of his head.

He sets little not-you down at his desk before stomping back to his bed. He climbs under his covers, pulling his blanket over his head. His heart, which feels like it never stopped racing, begins to settle in his chest. He’s overwhelmed, yes, but the feeling of his weighted blanket on his body and thick comforter on his bed starts to make him feel better as he lies in his safety cocoon.

Jisung loved living in Malaysia, but some moments of it were repressed in the deepest crevices of his mind. He only liked to remember the good parts like going to the mall and eating some of his favorite dishes while joking with his friends. He never wanted to think about the people who made him want to leave. Who made his life hell. And while he tried to forget, he regretted everything thing about his pre-debut, trainee self. He knew he was in the wrong most of the time. None of his members deserved any of that.

“‘I'm clearly not needed here anymore.’” Jisung hears a little voice say.

“What?” He asks, not taking the blanket off of his head.

“That’s what you said yesterday when you got into an argument with your group members, right?” The voice gets closer.

“…What does that have to do with anything?” Jisung thinks. None what what he just saw has anything to do with what happened yesterday. Right?

“I can’t tell you that. I already broke one rule and Marley is scary when they’re mad. Just think about it. I have to go now. Your next visitor should be here soon."

And just like that, the room is still. The only sound, other than his breathing, that Jisung can hear is the low, muffled hum from the heater. The heat from the room and the weight of the blanket quickly force him to drift back to sleep.

***

KNOCK, KNOCK

"I'm throwing out those fucking sleeping pills, I swear to god," Jisung mumbles to himself as he stumbles out of bed. He looks up at the clock on his desk.

2:45 am

At least he got a bit of sleep this time. Still, exhausted both mentally and physically, he crawls to his bedroom door to let in the next ghost.

"Since you guys are ghosts, can't you just...walk through the doors or something?" He groans as he collapses to the floor.

"Believe me, I wish we could, but we're not allowed to anymore. Gave one too many people heart attacks. Marley would rip us a new one if we scared another person to death." Jisung's ears perk up at the sound of your voice.

He quickly looks up to find you, no another not-you staring up at him. It's you, exactly how you look now, but with some sort of wreath-like flower crown on your head and a weird green fuzzy robe. On a normal person, the outfit would look weird, but you make it work.

Note to self, find out in real life for Y/n. Jisung thinks.

"You've killed people?" Jisung gulps, suddenly scared of what he's gotten himself into.

"Well not intentionally. I'm like the least threatening ghost. Well, after baby Past. Marley and Future on the other hand..." New not-you crouches down to Jisung's level.

"Past? Future? Does that make you the ghost of Christmas present?" He sits up, making eye contact with the new not-you. He can't help but smile while looking into your eyes. Their eyes? Does this count as cheating?

"Yeah, but present as in 'here and now.' Not as in gift."

"I know the difference!"

"Okay, Mr. Grumpy. Jeez, you wouldn't believe how many people don't. I your file said you were a member of something called baboracha so I thought I'd help you out a bit," New not-you stands up and stretches out a hand for Jisung. "Come on, we don't have a lot of time left. Future is super punctual and I already wasted most of our time."

Jisung hesitantly takes the hand of the new not-you. Once his hand is in theirs, he's promptly yanked up and through the door. In a few seconds, he's suddenly standing in the corner of one of the practice rooms of the new JYPE building. All of his members lay in various states of exhaustion around the room, panting. Chan sits in the middle, legs stretched out in front of him as he leans back on his arm with his head facing the ceiling. Both Seungmin and Jeongin lay supine with their bodies stretched out like starfish. Hyunjin lays flat on his stomach, almost like roadkill. Minho rests on his side, staring motionlessly at the mirror. Changbin sits, leaning against the wall while Felix rests his head on him. All seven of them are drenched in sweat.

"Holy shit, they're all so hot! What do they feed you here--who the fuck is that?" New not-you points directly at Changbin, "I wish I was human. The things I would do... Marley frowns on possession but 30 minutes alone with him would be worth an eternity of Marley's wrath."

"Can you please not say that while you look and sound exactly like Y/n?" Jisung pleads.

"Why? Does it make you jealous? I'd spend some time with you too, Jisungie. Don't worry." New not-you smirks, causing him to blush.

I like this ghost the least of all. He thinks.

Jisung looks at his group members. He left the venue around 9. If it really is the present, that means they've been practicing for the past 5 hours. Jisung gets a twinge of pain in his chest at that thought. He went home to sleep comfortably in his bed while they stayed to work.

"Since you're the ghost of the present, that means it's 2 am for them too, right?" He asks, trying to change the subject.

"I thought you were supposed to be smart."

Jisung presses his lips together to stop himself from saying something rude. He knows that the ghost isn't you, but the fact that they have your face stops him from hurting their feelings. He's having trouble separating the two.

"Do...do you think...he's really going...to leave?" Felix asks through breaths.

The room stays silent for a moment. Everyone has been thinking the same thing since Jisung stormed out of rehearsal. Throughout their late dinner, travel to the JYPE building and new practice, the same question loomed over all of them. And yet, Felix is the only one who is brave enough to say anything.

"I don't think so. But at the same time, he's so fucking stubborn that he might actually do it." Seungmin finally answers.

"I didn't mean to hurt his feelings like that. I didn't think he would--I was just mad. He wasn't supposed to take me seriously, that idiot." Hyunjin says softly.

"I get his anger though. He constantly feels like a shit boyfriend because he has to cancel on Y/n a lot or miss out on things because of work. This trip was really important to him. I know he hates disappointing Y/n." Minho explains.

Jisung has spent so much time venting to Minho about his struggles with his job and dating you because he knows that Minho would just listen. He couldn't tell you about any of it. He knows you'd feel guilty and suggest breaking up so he could feel less stress. You wouldn't want him to give up his career for you. Not when you see how much joy creating and performing brings him. He has no idea how you're going to react to him leaving the group.

"I think he just needs some time off. The last comeback was hard for him and he was back to his old self this comeback but we haven't had a proper break in a while. We'll just perform without him tomorrow and then after New Year's we can all sit down and talk seriously about this." Chan, always being the voice of reason, says calmly. In reality, he's panicking.

He hasn't felt this much panic since the group went from nine to eight. And before that, he hadn't felt this stressed since the survival show when there were only seven of them left. Not that any of his members knew. He was good at bottling all that in, not wanting to worry his members. Losing Jisung meant more than losing a member. While he felt the same about all his members, viewing them as his kids more than coworkers, losing Jisung also meant losing a little brother, a co-producer, a part of him.

"What are we going to do if he does leave?" Jeongin asks this time.

"Don't think about that Yongbokkie--Ah, I mean In." Changbin groans at his slip-up, earning tired laughs from the other members.

"Really? Even now?" The youngest member sits up, glaring at Changbin.

"He is on my lap. I am looking at his face. It was--"

"I don't care. Stop speaking to me, I don't want to hear it. I'm tired of your voice. Next time you speak, I'm hitting you."

"I think we've had enough fighting for one day," Minho warns as he laughs.

"If he does end up leaving, we'll rebuild. We'll have to. He wouldn't want us to completely fall apart without him. He might think that now, but once he snaps out of it, he'd feel guilty about it." Chan speaks up.

"Yeah but wouldn't he feel like shit if we don't fall apart? Like we actually don't need him?" Hyunjin sits up this time, looking at Chan with a guilty face.

"I won't. I promise I won't because I get it. I was there the first time we lost a member. I get if--I... fuck." Jisung says through wet eyes. He's not sure when he started crying or why. But watching his group members overwork themselves and even worry about him when they have every right to be mad gets to him.

"They can't hear you, Jisungie." New not-you reminds him.

"Goddamn it--"

"C'mon, we have to go." New not-you grabs Jisung's hand and pulls him away from the practice room.

"Where could you possibly be taking me now?" He asks as he whiles the tears from his eyes with the back of his free hand.

"Well, I was also supposed to take you to see a few of your fans and even your precious Y/n. But I came late and we're cutting it close to Future's time and let's just say the last time I did that, it wasn't so pretty."

When Jisung pulls his hand away from his face he sees that he's surrounded by the darkness of his room again. He lets go of the new not-you's hand and paces around his room. His heart is pounding impossibly fast in his chest, punching his ribcage. His thoughts going a mile a minute. If he doesn't calm down soon, he's going to work himself up into a panic attack.

"I don't need to go to the future. I get it now!" He blurts out in desperation.

"Oh really? Care to share with the class what you learned, Jisungie?"

"That I'm just causing problems for everyone if I leave." He stops pacing.

"Because?" New not-you walks closer to him, making Jisung stumble back.

"Because...because I'm a selfish dumbass."

"Oh, so close, Sungie. I guess you have to go to detention with Future after all. Make sure you pay attention this time. You already have all the answers that you need."

New not-you presses an ice-cold kiss to Jisung's cheek before completely vanishing from the room, leaving him confused and alone. He drops to his knees, clutching his head in his hands as he tries to process the events of the past couple of hours.

***

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNO--

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming!" Jisung sighs as he pulls himself off the floor. He's slightly calmer than he was a few moments ago.

At this point, Jisung wants to get this nightmare over with so he can fix everything. He pulls open the door to find a cloaked figure hovering in front of him. The hood of the cloak completely covers their face, but Jisung is sure you're face is hidden under there.

"Okay, out with it. What's your whole gimmick? You're the ghost of the future so you're going to show me how bad life is after I left, right?" Jisung asks, crossing his arms. He's completely over this nightmare.

The cloaked figure stares back at him, unwavering. The ominous quiet coming from the cloaked ghost sends a chill down Jisung's spine. Something about this ghost just feels different, and he doesn't like it.

"Cat got your tongue or something?" Jisung tries to joke. Still, the cloaked ghost just stays unmoving.

"Ahem," Jisung nervously chews on his bottom lip, "so I guess I'll just,"

Jisung walks through the door, giving up on trying to make any conversation with the ghost. As he walks through the door, he's transported to one of the hallways in the JYPE building. More specifically, the hallway where the 3racha studio is.

Future starts floating away from Jisung as they make their way through the hallway. Jisung slightly jogs to keep up. He takes in his surroundings as he walks. He sees the familiar posters of Day6, GOT7, Stray Kids, Miss A, TWICE, and NMIXX that are equally spaced along the walls. He also sees some posters of groups and solo artists he doesn't recognize.

Of course, you don't recognize them, it's the future. He thinks to himself.

He freeze when his eyes land on the door to the 3racha studio. He wonders if Chan and Changbin are inside right now, working on something. He wonders if they're struggling without him. Or if they're doing better without him. If they're able to get more work done without him there.

His concentration breaks when an unfamiliar face walks out of the room. He wears the same tired expression that Jisung has seen a million times on other idol's faces. One that he recognizes could only be earned from hours of frustrated writing pressured by looming deadlines. One that Chan often wears.

Did they replace me? He questions. No, they wouldn't.

He shakes the thought out of his head as he runs over to the elevator where Future and the new person are waiting. The door closes just as he slides in. The elevator plays music he's never heard before, no doubt from one of the new JYP artists.

Would this count as plagiarism if I released this in the present? He wonders.

He can't help be let his eyes wander over to the stranger. If he's someone who is currently training at JYP, he wouldn't be able to tell you. There are too many of them and out of desperation to try to debut, a lot of them start to mimic the style of debuted artists and they all look like clones of each other. It's quite scary actually.

He takes in the appearance of the artist. He's wearing a bucket hat and black sweatpants with a matching hoodie. By the size of his backpack, he must have been living in that studio for a few days. There's a pin on his backpack that reads CLxVxR.

Is that a brand? Is it Clover? Clever?

DING

The elevator lands on the ground floor. Mystery Idol walks over to the cafeteria as Future floats in the other direction. Curious about his new possible replacement, Jisung wants to follow him to learn more about him. He knows better, the sooner he finishes with the future, he can get back to the present, wake up, and fix everything.

Jisung quickly walks over to where Future stands, next to the plaque of all of the JYPE artists that debuted. Curious, he looks up at the list, reading the few names of new artists that were added. The most recent one debuted in 2044.

"2044? How far into the future are we?" He turns to ask Future, of course to no avail.

He turns to look at the list again. He furrows his eyebrows as his eyes glance over a familiar name.

CLxVxR February 29, 2024-

"What?" He mutters to himself.

Puzzled, his eyes fly up the list stopping only when they settle on the name he was looking for.

Stray Kids March 25, 2018- February 17, 2024

"No," He gasps.

He turns around to face Future, hoping for some sort of confirmation that what he is looking at is true. Still, the ghost remains silent, staring at Jisung with their cloaked face.

Jisung's palms start to feel cool and clammy as his heart rate begins to speed up. Too many thoughts flood his mind as he looks around the lobby. The poster of Stray Kids that once sat in the lobby is now replaced with a new group. All the staff members and trainees that walk around are unfamiliar to him, making him feel more anxious.

Air, I need air!

Jisung quickly runs out of the building, trying to calm himself down. Jisung doubles over, gasping for air. If he doesn't breathe, he might actually die in this dream hellscape he brought himself to. He looks around, trying to find something, anything to ground him but the landscape isn't helping. The buildings are all unfamiliar. Restaurants have new names, shops have new designs, and the cars on the street are unrecognizable. The tears on his face begin to freeze as the cool winter air and snow freeze them.

"JiJi! Come here!" A familiar voice calls.

Jisung's head whips around, trying to find where you are. You shouldn't be able to see him. He's not actually here but, you still call him. His eyes finally land on you. You're facing him, waving while holding a bouquet. He doesn't hesitate to run to you. He stops when he's standing right in front of you.

You still look like you, only older. Your hair is a little shorter and has some white strands that suit you. Your face looks the same only with a few wrinkles. Smile lines mostly. Signs of a happy life. But overall, you still look like you, and for that, Jisung was relieved.

His smile drops when he realizes that your same, warm eyes are looking past him. Not at him. He slowly turns around to see who you're really looking at. All he can see is a child running towards the pair of you.

"Eomma!" The little boy runs up to you and wraps his arms around your leg.

"Jiho, did you run away from appa again?" You say to the little boy.

"Yeah! But only because Sang-hee fell in the snow and won't stop crying." He pouts. He has your face. Almost as if he's a carbon copy of you.

"Did she fall or did you push her?" You ask with a soft smile.

"She fell! And she only fell because she slipped while trying to hold my hand when I told her I didn't want to."

"Jiho, Sang-hee is only 6. She was probably trying to hold your hand so you wouldn't fall and get hurt like she did."

"Yeah, but I'm 8! I'm a big kid! I don't need to hold anyone's hand."

"You still need to hold mine or appa's hand when you cross the street. Until you're at least 10 or a little taller."

"I am tall!" he yells, getting on his tiptoes. Jisung can't help but laugh. It reminds him of something Changbin would do.

"Sorry, Jagiya. I tried to give you your space but Jiho ran off when I was checking on Sang-hee." A new, unfamiliar voice says. Jisung quickly turns around to see who could be calling you Jagiya.

He's met with a man he's never met before. He's taller and looks a little older. Dread begins to fill Jisung's body as he quickly realizes what happened.

"Hell, I'm in hell." He says quickly.

"It's okay, I'm almost done here. And then the four of us can go to dinner." You smile softly at your husband.

Jisung stumbles back, staring at your tiny family in horror. He watches as your son walks over to his father--your husband--a man who is not him. His heart shatters in his chest, providing some relief from the relentless beating it's been doing all day. He watches as you quietly place the bouquet beside the others on the floor that he didn't realize were there. Your small smile is gone as you suck in your lower lip. Your chin trembles for a bit.

"Are you okay Eomma?" Your daughter asks from her father's arms.

"Eomma is okay, Sang-hee. Let's go," You wipe your face before turning to face your husband and children with a new smile on your face. Jisung can tell that only half of it is real. The other half is fake. A show you put on to not worry your family.

Your husband sets your daughter on his shoulders, using his right hand to hold onto her leg. His left hand is free to hold yours, your left hand being occupied by your son's.

Jisung tries to turn around, to leave, and to find his way back to the present. To stop whatever happened from happening only to be stopped by Future.

"I saw what you wanted me to see. I get it now! Let me go so I can fix it!" He shouts, hot tears pouring down his face, melting the frozen ones.

Future continues to say nothing. Instead, they raise a hand, their find pointing outward. Jisung looks to see what they're pointing at, only to find the pile of flowers you were just interacting with. Confused, Jisung turns back to Future, trying to get some sort of explanation.

Woosh

A small gust of wind blows past them as a car speeds by, causing the hood to fall off of Future's head. Jisung takes a few steps back in horror as Future's face is revealed to be nothing more than a skeleton.

"Oh, what the fuck?" He breathes. He can only hope that Future's skeleton isn't yours.

Still as a statue, Future continues to point at the flowers, urging Jisung too. Wanting to look at anything else, he complies. He turns his full body to the pile of flowers. As he steps closer, he realizes that it's not a pile of flowers as his own face stares back at him. No, not his face exactly. A picture of his face when he was younger. Maybe one or two years after debut.

"What?" He looks around at everything around his picture. There's more than just frostbitten flowers. There are snow-covered Han Quokkas, slightly burnt candles, and old concert pickets. He kneels to the floor, picking a flower from your bouquet, a forget-me-not, taking in this new information.

He died. You moved on because he died. You didn't leave him because he left the group. That he could live with. Partly. His eyes fall on a strange patch of snow. He quickly brushes it away to see what could possibly be under there. All he finds is a bronze plaque that reads:

Han Ji-Sung

Beloved brother, son, producer, singer, rapper, and Stray Kid

September 14, 2000- December 23, 2024

"No," He mutters to himself. He turns his head to Future, who is now beside him.

"This has to be a mistake. I can't die in a year!" He pleads.

Still Future remains silent.

"Let me go back! I can fix this. I won't leave! I get it now! They need me! Chan hyung, Minho Hyung, Changbin hyung, Hyunjin, Felix, Seungmin, Jeongin, and Y/n, they all need me," He sniffles, "A-and I need them too! I get that now. I won't take that for granted. P-please, take me back."

The landscape changes and they're suddenly in a cemetery. Jisung's heart, which appears to have mended itself and started beating again, pounds loudly in his chest. Even if Future started talking now, the only thing he'd be able to hear is the beating of his own heart. In front of him is an open grave and a headstone with his name on it.

"I take it back!" He shouts as he turns around to Future.

"I take back everything I said!"

Future hovers towards Jisung, causing him to take a step back.

"Please, just take me back to the present and I promise not to complain ever again."

Step

"I--I'll be the first one in and last one out of the studio and practice room!"

Step

"I'll do more mc gigs!"

Step

"Please, I don't want anything to change. Just let me go back--"

Slip

Jisung loses his footing and falls into the empty grave.

***

Jisung springs awake, gasping for air.

His room is bright as the sun pokes through the window, letting him know that his nightmare is finally over. A nightmare, that's all it was. Right?

He runs his hands through his hair. As he looks around his room. Everything looks just as he left it the night before. His eyes settle on the sleeping pills he took the night before. He slowly gets out of bed, feeling exhausted, and grabs the pill bottle. He leaves his room, walking straight to the bathroom he shares with Hyunjin. He opens the toilet bowl and pours the entire contents of the bottle before flushing it.

"Never fucking again," He mumbles as he tosses the now-empty bottle in the trash.

He stares at himself in the mirror. He looks like shit. His eyes have thick, dark circles around them. His face is puffier than he likes and his hair is all over the place. He rubs his eyes as he turns the faucet, allowing the water to get a little warm before splashing his face with the slightly cool water. Still unable to shake the nightmare from his mind, he decided to take a shower. Hoping the warm water will allow him to clear his mind.

It had to be a dream. There's no possible way he could have time-traveled. It's just not possible. Two ghosts and a spirit that looked exactly like you and another ghost that resembled the Grim Reaper didn't visit him last night to psychologically torture him. He just swallowed an expired sleeping pill that took him on a bad trip fueled by his guilt. It's the same as if he took an allergy pill and saw the hat man. None of that is real.

Jisung walks back into his room. One towel hugs his waist while another one sits on his head. He feels a little after his shower, but not 100% back to his normal self. As he slowly begins to get dressed, he also starts to pack a suitcase. He still plans to fly out to you, even if it means having to fly on Christmas day.

A chill runs through Jisung's spine as his eyes land on a forget-me-not flower on his desk, right next to the snowglobe that little not-you was playing with in his dream.

"Shit," He breathes, quickly realizing that it wasn't a dream.

He licks his lips as he thinks about what to do. He runs over to his bed, throwing pillows, blankets, and clothes around while looking for his phone. Finally finding it, he wakes it up and checks the date and time.

24 December 2023

3:04 pm

He still has time.

He quickly orders a car and finishes getting ready. Everyone should be at the JYPE building getting ready for the show. If he gets there now, he'll have enough time to fix everything. He'll get down on his hands and knees if he has to. He just needs to change the future.

"Ha, yeah, it's that easy," He scoffs at himself.

"Han? What are you--"

"I'm so sorry for throwing a fit like a complete fucking idiot. I'm sorry for making you all worry. I'm sorry for blaming Felix and Jeongin. I'm sorry for everything I said behind your backs when I was going home in a fit of rage. I'm sorry--"

"Han, get up," Chan says softly to the younger man.

In Jisung's defense, he had an entire speech that he planned out in his head while he was being driven to the rest of his members. A decent one that would win awards if it was said in a movie. But when he walked into the room where everyone was in various stages of getting ready, he couldn't but drop to his hands and knees to grovel and beg for forgiveness. It was pitiful really, everyone in the room could agree.

"Hyung, 'm sorry. I don't want to leave the group. I was just mad." He whimpers, looking up at his leader with tearful eyes.

"Jagiya, get up," Minho calls from the makeup chair he's sitting in.

Jisung shakes his head before he presses it to the floor again.

"H-hey," Felix gets up from his spot on the couch, "Han, it's okay. We understand. None of us are mad at you."

"Annoyed maybe, but not mad," Changbin adds.

Chan finally manages to get Jisung up from the floor and pulls him into a hug. The rest of the members follow suit, much to the make artists' dismay. Soon, Jisung is surrounded by all of his members in a suffocating sandwich.

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, Han. I didn't mean--" Hyunjin starts.

"It's okay, I know."

The pile separates and the boys are pulled in all sorts of directions as they're back in getting ready mode. Jisung stands awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"I want to perform with you guys tonight if that's okay." He says loudly as he wipes his face clean.

"Not...not to start another fight, but are you sure you can?" Seungin asks while getting his hair done.

"He practiced with us long enough yesterday and for once was the only one who had his shit together. No offense," Jeongin adds.

"None taken," He lets the backhanded compliment roll off his back.

"I see nothing wrong with it if he feels ready. We didn't change anything so it should be fine." Minho adds.

Jisung lets out a sigh of relief as everyone agrees to let him join them. He's quickly grabbed by one of the stylists as they scramble to get him ready, he's behind schedule compared to everyone else. And just like that, almost everything felt right in the world.

"Not to add any pressure on anyone, but we have some very important guests in the audience tonight," Chan says while the boys are huddled together backstage.

The MCs are busy interviewing ATEEZ, who just finished performing. Stray Kids should be up next. Everyone is already nervous, still feeling under-prepared for tonight.

"Pd-nim is here?" Changbin asks, annoyed.

"Yeah, but that's not who I'm talking about." Chan pats' Changbin's back.

"Then who?" Jisung asks while fiddling with his hand mic.

"Our families, including our significant others." Chan beams.

"I'm going to throw up," Seungmin says suddenly.

"Wait? Y/n is here?" Jisung pokes his head through the wing of the stage, scanning the audience to find you. A large toothy smile consumes his face when he finds you and your parents.

"Pd-nim felt bad about the scheduling mix-up and ruining the holidays so he paid for all of them to be here," Chan explains as some of the boys get bouncy with excitement while others become nervous.

"The Grinch's heart grew?" Changbin adds, earning a slap in the back of the head. Chan gives him a look, reminding him to be mindful of where he is.

"Cool, I'm still going to throw up," Seungmin leans on Jeongin for support.

"Hyung, if you throw up on me, I will punch you," Jeongin warns.

"I think the stylist might kill him first," Minho quips.

"It's fine. We got this. You guys practiced for like 5 hours after I left. If anything, I should be nervous. You all got this." Han says, patting Seungmin on the head.

"How do you know that?" Felix asks. The boys look at each other, unsure of who told him how long they practiced. They were in silent agreement not to tell him so he wouldn't feel bad and start crying again.

"I...lucky guess? Oh look, ATEEZ is coming off the stage." Jisung says quickly, pointing as Hongjoong leads his members off the stage.

Jisung breathes, relieved that his distraction worked. He's unsure how or if he's going to tell them that he traveled time. Maybe that's something he should keep for himself. They might think stress has gotten to him and force him into a hiatus.

The nerves quickly leave all of their bodies as they all walk out onto the stage. Jisung makes eye contact with you and bows to your parents as he takes his position. The bright smile on your face lets him know that everything is going to be okay.

—

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[aftersamu]

THE EXIT PAIRING: r.suna x gn!reader GENRE: angst + exposure of the bet trope (enemies to lovers to enemies)

it gets personal at the end, and this has such a different energy to anything i've written before. like there's harsh words, fucked up tropes, and it's definitely more 2010 teen drama. proceed with caution <3

a party.

people crowding the living room and backyard of the house, 20+ bottles of alcohol, red cups lining every table and surface, casual hookups, and girls rushing to the bathroom to throw up, and others blacked out on the grass.

you lost suna throughout the night, got invested in a conversation with a girl you've never spoken to before. and once you realised he was gone, you searched for him.

asking around for his whereabouts, getting closer and closer to finding a distinct location. osamu told you where to go, and you went. ducking underneath the velvet rope blocking off steps, and heading up.

turning every corner, trying to open every door, with a ear pressed to each closed surface. and down the hall, at the corner, a small ray of light illuminates the hallway.

you walk forward, starting to hear the hushed conversation and walking on your toes, holding your breath in your chest as you approach the slightly opened door.

back pressing against the wall, hiding in the shadows you listen. maybe it's nothing serious and you're being nosey, feeding off drama that might not even involve you.

until you hear your name.

"so, how are things going between the two of you?" atsumu, his voice is easily identifiable. "it's been a couple months since they've stopped hating you, i take it's a good sign."

"look, i don't think this is a good idea anymore." suna sighs, "it was fun for a while, but it's getting pretty serious now."

"you going soft rintarō?" atsumu teases, "i thought you hated that bitch, now you're sympathetic? what happened?"

"i don't know man, my fucking morals kicked in, i guess." suna quips, he's frustrated. you can see his shadow pacing around. "look this was fun, the games, but i don't know if i can do it anymore."

"so... you fucked?" atsumu bluntly remarks, "come on mate, i'm not stupid. you wouldn't be backing out unless you two fucked."

"yeah, well, it happened and now i'm screwed because you're a dickhead and i'm an idiot." suna scoffs, "it ends now, i'll give you the money, i don't want to do this stupid bet anymore."

bet. of fucking course, how cliche of them. how naive of you to think of giving suna a chance, he's a dickhead, you knew that. but, there's no way he spent six months trying to get in good with you for a bet.

no amount of money could have him commit for this long. or at least you think, it was a moment of boredom and a way to make easy money. two rich kids who have nothing better to do other than drop a grand on a bet.

a gambling scheme.

with twist and turns, challenges and money rewards. to keep them both interested in the little plan, one that has been pulled straight from a reality tv show.

"you're backing out now? it's been half a year, i think it's too late to feel remorse now." atsumu states, "do you need a recap of how much money we've bet? do you know how much money has been exchanged during this entire ordeal?"

"no, i don't, and don't be a dick." suna snaps, "you are just as much a part of this as i am."

"yeah, but i wasn't the one who brought it up." atsumu retorts, "i wasn't the one who stood up, and bet that i could get in good with them. that i could manipulate them with my killer charm."

"yes, but you proposed those sick side bets. bring them to the party, kiss them on this day, get them to make the first move within a week." suna mocks, "you're no better than me."

"so what? you going to go down there and tell them that you've been manipulating them for a little extra cash? that you've been fucking around with others the same time you've been buying them flowers, and making them eggs in the morning?"

your heart is beating hard against your chest, is it the anger, sadness, or alcohol that's giving you vertigo? is it the betrayal that causes all feeling to escape from your body, or is it how you feel like a complete idiot that sends you barging into the room.

you kick the door wide open, face red, and eyes already watering. the look of shock on suna's face and fear that paints it, and atsumu's smugness ever so present.

"don't even try." you say, holding up a finger to stop the brunette from saying anything. it's so funny, you can't seem to stop the manic smile from growing on your lips.

"let me explain–"

"oh, yeah sure. i don’t hate you babe, i never hated you, i love you, you’re everything i need. you’re the only one who understands me, and sees me. i can’t hate you." you mock, bringing up the words he spoke to you. "shut the fuck up suna."

it's as if those months have vanished, and all you feel is pure hate and rage towards those eyes that you thought you loved.

"you definitely outdid yourself with this one, this whole fucking twisted six month plan of yours.” you dryly laugh, bringing your hands up, "oh, but love, i don't feel that way, i tried to back out." you mimic. "go fuck yourself."

god, you seem so delusional.

"it's not like that!"

"yeah, and i like totally care." you say, rolling your eyes, "you don't mean shit. so pay miya what you owe and move on, because you lost! that's what you get for being a fucking cunt."

"love, you're drunk." suna sighs, taking a step towards you.

"don't come near me," you deadpan. "you manipulative, sick fuck. you will never be good enough for anybody, no one will ever love you, your sister doesn't even want to see you. i see you, and you're an insecure, needy, fucking freak."

you want to strike a nerve, and you know you have. you want to cause pain, regain some dignity that you've lost. you may have seen the worst of him, but he has not seen the worst of you.

"i'm done with you, i fucking hate you... and you're friends are hotter."

#haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #hq drabbles #hq fanfic #hq #hq x reader #hq imagines #suna rintaro drabbles #suna rintaro #suna angst #suna x reader #haikyuu suna #suna rintarou #suna x y/n #hq suna #hq x you

[thestalwartheart]

I'm writing the saddest Bond fic in the world, and because it'll probably never get finished, I'm going to bullet point it here because I need people to cry with. It's 5000 words at the moment. I think I need it to be about 30,000.

After the events of NTTD, Q is grieving Bond. Privately, he is also grieving that Bond being the one who got away, or at least the one who would not stay. They slept together once, in the aftermath of Skyfall death, and as Q says in the fic, it was "the pinnacle of my years-long journey into vastly unrequited love."

After snapping at Mallory during a meeting, Mallory schedules Q some psychology appointments. There are snippets of these appointments throughout the fic.

Q throws out all his plants. Replaces them with sculptural bits and pieces from around the lab.

Over a year on from Bond's death, MI6 recruits a new 004. His name is Edward Jones. He's tall and lithe, with auburn hair, an excellent sense of humour, and no outwardly visible baggage. He takes an interest in Q.

But Q refuses -- categorically refuses -- to ever get involved with an agent again. That was an unspoken rule before Bond died, and now it's non-negotiable.

Except Q is no good at sticking to the rules. He's just as bad as Bond was, really. Edward is charming, and though he asks Q to dinner, he doesn't press after Q refuses him. Instead, perhaps having talked to Nomi or Moneypenny, he is simply there. All the time. He becomes a shoulder to lean on and a friend, despite all Q's attempts to distance himself.

But then...Mallory asks Q to help on a project that will reverse the effects of Heracles, and Q snaps. Already feeling a colossal amount of guilt for telling Bond it couldn't be fixed, Q cannot deal with the thought of coming up with a cure when he cannot administer it to the one person who deserved to be cured.

Distraught, stressed and full of fury at everything, he sleeps with Edward that night. And -- shock horror! -- sex works as an excellent temporary coping mechanism, so Q keeps sleeping with him. Against all his rules, he's given into his heart again.

“Who was he?” asks Edward, one day, as Q is making breakfast. / “Who was who?”/ “Whoever you’re trying to forget when you’re with me.”

“You’re a bastard,” snaps Q, another day, when Edward pushes too hard. / “Is that me you’re talking to, or him?”

After the above fight/angry sex/make up sex combo, Edward goes away on a mission and gets shot.

Q, reeling, doesn't visit him in hospital. Though he wants to, he thinks it's smarter to stay away. Best not get too attached (Oh, Q! we're crying, you're already attached!!!)

Edward, unsurprisingly does not take this well. “Enjoy living with your ghosts, Quartermaster,” he says, before going home to heal and get very drunk.

And maybe it's the getting shot bit, or maybe it's that they're making progress on a cure for Heracles, or maybe it's Moneypenny finally shaking Q until something comes loose, but Q cannot sleep. He feels sick about Edward. He feels awful. What kind of Quartermaster doesn't visit an injured agent? What kind of friend doesn't? What kind of lover, casual or not?

Plagued with guilt and realising he feels more for Edward than he ever intended to, Q turns up at arse-o-clock in the morning, in the rain to Edward's flat. Amongst other things, he says:

“He was an agent. Another Double-0." and

"I'm so sorry." and

“I spent nearly a decade of my life hiding that I loved him, from myself, him, and anyone else who might have wanted to hear. It’s the biggest regret I have. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again.”

Hot, passionate, intense, slow make up sex.

After a few more missions, Edward tells Q, "I'm finished. I enjoyed the job, but I only loved it because it led me to you."

They take a visit to Skyfall, where Q runs into Kincade and talks to Bond's grave where he says, among other things:

"Hello, James. I hope you’re getting some well-earned rest." and

“I love him. Eve told me you would want to hear that. I’m not so sure. You always were a bit of a possessive prick about the other agents having what was yours.” and

“I still love you. I think I will until the end of my days. It’ll be a privilege to carry you with me. Whatever small part of you I had.”

Q is in a daze most of that night. In the morning, he apologises to Edward for all the tears, and Edward replies:

“Never — and I do mean never — apologise for loving someone, especially not as well as you loved him."

Cue the I love yous and sex.

They return to London, where the Heracles cure has hit a roadblock. Q tells Mallory he wants nothing to do with the project anymore. However it turns out, it wasn't his burden to carry in the first place. He wants to be free of it.

The story ends in a quintessential English garden: Kendal in the spring. It's years later, and Edward brings Q a cup of tea in the garden, where Q is trying to read Les Misérables and failing. Instead, he's taking notes in the margins on hummingbirds.

They look up to see a red kite soaring through the air. Q things wistfully of Bond. It's a dull hurt, now, not the scraping raw thing that it was when he met Edward. Bond would probably enjoy Q remembering him in the wings of a bird of prey; always free.

Q still loves London, but he thinks he can imagine another life, a few years away yet, watching the birds in the Lake District and working in his shed, with Edward reading a book at his side.

FIN.

#00q #q/omc #james bond #my fic