I’m thinking about Hatchet Field and cycles, especially in NPMD because holy shit there’s so much of it. Like
Every time we see Hatchet Field the world ends. And then we see it end all over again- it all restarts
Nobody ever dies in Waylon house
When Max dies the school is allowed to move on, to “evolve”- but then he comes back. Things return to how they once were
“People go missing in Hatchet Field every day”
The lyrical motif of “I’m not a loser” is not just an assertion of worth, it’s a claim to safety and power. Peter doesn’t dress like that because he’s a nerd, he dresses like that to avoid attention, to not be a loser.
When Max is destroyed, Grace replaces him.
Suddenly Grace is singing about how the ‘nerds’ will rise up and kill. The threat shifts but is never gone
“I’m not a loser” is absolution, it says “I am not worthy of death” in a very literal sense. Character beg for their lives with it. The final song, where Grace becomes the new apocalypse? The background is still “I’m not a loser”. Because it was never about nerds versus jocks. It was always about escaping death.
But people go missing in Hatchet Field every day
And nobody ever dies in the Waylon house
So we go around and around and around
The same two people flirt at a coffee shop, the same cops run the same dirty beat, the same rich fucks call the same lawyer, over and over and over
What the fuck
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Crack Fic! Where Everyone thinks Merlin is the reasonable one.
Everyone loves Merlin and thinks he’s the sweetest person, who couldn’t hurt a fly. So, they’re all annoyed when they see how Arthur treats him. The King is constantly overloading his manservant with work, ordering him to do massive tasks and coming up with ridiculous excuses to keep Merlin from taking a break. So, the knights and others constantly try to find ways to pull Merlin away from Arthur’s side and give him a break but Arthur always finds a way to mess up their plans.
Gwen and the other maids sometimes try to help Merlin with his chores
Gwen: Arthur you can’t actually expect Merlin to clean the entire throne room by himself
Arthur: *shrugs* Yes. I’m hardly asking him much
Gwen: It usually takes five maids to thoroughly clean the throne room. It’s ridiculous to ask one person to do so much work and then, to place Lancelot as a guard to make sure none of us can help him.
Arthur: Lancelot wouldn’t have to guard anything if you all weren’t so ready to disobey my orders. I said Merlin will clean the throne room ALONE and that is final
Gwen: I never knew you could be such a cruel person and to Merlin of all people
*Gwen storms off*
Gwaine, Leon, Percival, Elyan and some of the other knights try to steal Merlin away to the tavern to relax
Gwaine: Come on Princess. I’m sure you can survive one night without Merlin
*Gwaine tries to pull Merlin to their side but Arthur grabs hold of Merlin and pulls him back*
Arthur: Need I remind you, Merlin is my manservant and doesn’t have time to play around. He still has very important duties to complete
Elyan: What could he possibly have to do at this time? Most servants have gone home for the day?
Arthur: Well Merlin is the King’s manservant as I keep reminding you and still have very important things to do
Gwaine: Like what?
Arthur: *pauses* For one, he needs to clean the mess he made in the closet
The knights: *trying to process the bullshit Arthur just told them*
Arthur: *crossing his arms, 100% serious, daring them to challenge him*
Merlin: It’s fine guys really, probably next time *pulling Arthur and himself back into Arthur’s chambers and locking the door*
Or when something terrible happens to Merlin like the time he got kidnapped and everyone went into full panic
Arthur: *staring hard at Lance* Merlin’s been kidnapped?
Elyan: They ambushed us out of nowhere and before we knew it they were off with him.
Leon: Don’t worry sire, I’ll gather a search party immediately to have him found.
Gwaine: We’ll make them sorry they ever thought to mess with our Merlin
Arthur: *holding up a finger and turning to Lance again* Merlin’s been kidnapped?
Lance: ..... That is the story
Gwaine: Princess, have you not been listening. We need to hurry every second counts.
Arthur: I heard, just wondering why he couldn’t have chosen a better day to get himself kidnapped
*Everyone gawks at Arthur in disbelief*
Basically, everyone thinks that Arthur doesn’t appreciate Merlin and that their cinnamon roll deserves better and formed a protection squad to help Merlin get the treatment he deserves.
Meanwhile in Reality....
Arthur knows about Merlin’s magic. He is fully aware of how powerful Merlin is and finally sees that his manservant isn’t an idiot. He’s just a bloody madman.
===In the throne room===
*Arthur and Merlin both staring at a dark purple swirling vortex on the floor*
Arthur: *takes a deep breath* Merlin, why is there a hole in my throne room?
Merlin: Well, it's not a hole. It’s a sort of gateway to the dark dimension.
Arthur: Oh, okay. Why is there a gateway to the dark dimension in my throne room?
Merlin: ..... I can fix it
Lancelot: Arthur, I heard you- *looks down at the menacing purple gateway on the floor and then back to Arthur and Merlin*
Lancelot: Should I go guard the door?
===After Gwaine, Elyan and Percival tried to take Merlin out for drinks===
Merlin: You know we both could use a break. I am a bit hungry. Been a while since I had a drink too
Arthur: Well maybe, we can join them after you explain why my Uncle is tied up in my closet
*Arthur opens his closet doors revealing a tied-up and gagged Agravaine making muffled noise*
Merlin: You told me to get evidence that he was working with Morgana
Arthur: And your solution to that was to kidnap him?
Merlin: What better way to hear it than from the man himself?
Arthur: What’s going to happen when people realize he’s missing
Merlin: Don’t worry, one memory wipe spell and he’ll be back tomorrow in his chambers like nothing ever happened
Arthur: You told me those spells were dangerous
Merlin: *laughs* Well, yeah, I’m not using it on us
Agravaine: *making muffled and panicked pleads to Arthur*
Lancelot: Sorry, Arthur, Gaius told me that Merlin needed m- *sees a tied-up Agravaine*
Lancelot: *nods* I’ll go stand guard
=== Arthur, the first to find Merlin after his “kidnapping” ===
Arthur: *folds his arms and looks behind his manservant to see a trail of bodies* Kidnapped?
Merlin: Well they did try to kidnap me. I just decided not to resist.
Arthur: *sighs* Is everyone dead?
Merlin: I was supposed to leave someone alive?
Arthur: *rolls his eyes* Come before I have to explain how my “innocent”, “weak” manservant took out a group of mercenaries.
Lancelot: *already standing guard*
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Star Wars AU where the council time travels back to when Obi-Wan was still an itty-bitty baby initiate. Including, you know. Council Member Obi-Wan Kenobi. So they’re all in their younger bodies and talking with the current non-time traveling members of the council, and they’re like “hold on, we got one more coming in”
And in walks in like. Nine year old Initiate Obi-Wan, all chubby-cheeked with fluffy bright red hair, and giant blue eyes.
Just. Their faces, okay?
Now keep in mind I want the council to always be Up To Shenanigans. I’m talking like 2015 Avengers tower found family era fics okay, they’re one big family and Obi-Wan is now super officially The Baby and literally nothing he does will ever stop that again. And despite everything, every single council member is, at heart, incredibly petty in that special Jedi family way and are so ready to not be dealing with a war Right This Very Minute.
What I keep picturing is Baby-Wan wiggling his way into a chair, situating himself Very Regally, then clasping his hands in classic Negotiator style, then speaking up with the Most Serious Of Tiny Baby Voices as the main spokesperson on the Council Of Petty Time Travelers
I just want to see people not in the know
I want Jedi of all ages witnessing Jedi masters, councilmen and women, long lived and wisest of the Jedi, coming to the crèche to visit tiny lil Baby-Wan about his opinions on current events and how they should handle this treaty and also when are you free I want to test my soresu
I just think it’d be funny
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