#idk. just feeling really stressed out about it i guess

[somelazyassartist]

#. having some struggles with art lately #like I'm struggling with Making The Art y'know?? #it's not art block because i HAVE the ideas and the desire to draw but i just. can't #i don't know if it's stress or my bones shifting weird or just being tired or what but Something is keeping me from drawing what i want #when i do draw something it doesn't turn out looking good and other times i can't force myself to draw at all #which really sucks because I'm on a time limit for a lot of art! #I've been trying to work on Artfight for ages‚ a zine I've been waiting MONTHS for applications to open‚ making stickers for my DnD group! #all of those have very specific time limits and i just! can't! get! myself! to! draw!!!!!! #i might delete this later i just needed. some way to vent it out #this didn't turn out how i wanted either but that's sorta the point lol #idk. just feeling really stressed out about it i guess #vent #vent art #three eyed cats in my living room

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[todayisafridaynight]

any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

#snap chats #no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game #oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH. #id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k #OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think #my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious #rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final #HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE #i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that #i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki #someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it #like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but #i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital #the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe #cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion. #yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3 #its a real head scratcher ... #a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think #it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little #and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened' #im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways.... #sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly #idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me #THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED #i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell #is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form #i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments #BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow #im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE

[marshmellowtea]

idk i guess my philosophy when it comes to damien and mark has always been like.....damien isn't a bad guy, really, i do think he has good intentions most of the time, but given the environment he's in and how much money and power he has access to, it makes sense to me that he'd occasionally stoop to underhanded or scummy methods to get what he feels like he needs or deserves. meanwhile mark is also not a bad guy—though he certainly tends to be more selfish than damien—but he's been severely hurt and has never been properly supported through all of it due to a combination of the time period he's in, the people he's around not fully understanding him, and his own self destructive tendencies. oh, and house entity also. that's very much a factor here.

#markiplier #who killed markiplier #actor mark #damien the mayor #marshy speaks #....does it surprise anyone i still have a lot of thoughts about this series? it's kind of surprising me ngl #i'm firmly in lila territory interest-wise but wkm is always going to occupy a special piece of my brain ig #anyway once again 'actor has trauma from even before wkm' truthing #as well as 'damien is not super innocent' truthing #i wish i had something to say about will here to complete the trifecta but idk i guess he just doesn't feel super relevant here #and besides i never really did figure out what i was doing with him character wise #even with all my thoughts about his and mark's tumultuous love-hate filled brotherhood #i think he's also. primarily traumatized. as a motive to why he's Like That #along with the stress of being outside the class that his friends are in #i'm still a 'will was a child of one of the iplier servants truther' as well i really think that makes the most sense #anyway i guess i'm getting sidetracked. just. yeah.

[pcktknife]

why is doing shit so difficult

#i open up a job app or a college website and im so overwhelmed with dread confusion and stress i just click out and have to wait a few days #..b4 trying again rinse and repeat and all that its a cycle ive got no idea what I'm doing .. #and then i get asked 'when are you applying to school' 'what school are you picking' or its 'you gotta do something' ugh #it makes me dizzy just thinking about it #and i know i gotta do Something! im not exempt from having to participate in...life i guess but i dont want to i really dont #theres not anything i can do about that huh damn i guess i feel kinda hopeless #and then i feel bad about not doing anything cause it makes me feel like i think im above getting a job but sigh idk what it is #im tired of typing #didnt mean to make this a vent post damn! #vent #kae.txt

[piningprecussionist]

(Not an rp ask)

What is your opinion on chau x kim? I'm not a shipper of it myself but I heard it was a proship since knives is 17 but also I saw she was 18 in the comic so I'm not sure where to stand on it honestly. But I'd like to hear your opinion about it !! Sorry if this is a bit of a random ask (ーー;

You're completely fine!! Do not even worry about it.

So, yeah- When Scott first meets Knives, and I'm not entirely sure how much time passes between then and when they start dating, it was *literally* her seventeenth birthday, as I am reminding myself reading back over these panels presently. And then at the start of book six, the first time we see (real, non-dream,) Knives, she has apparently been eighteen for a week!

Now, I'm going to preface with a little something before I go further into this: I am totally fine answering this ask and others like it I think! but, I will note, I do get like a (not fun) physical sensation in my chest- partly anxiety (lol) but also something else I think- thinking about them like 95% of the time- it's gotta be like. Handled The Right Way, if that makes sense. Let's get into it.

So, first off, I'm just gonna re: some of the stuff relative to this I've posted here before- both nonrp and rp, since I use RP to develop my read on Kim and shed some light on how I see things I guess!

These clips come from this ask (and reblog) here!

This rp ask here, which is simply too difficult for me to get in a good screenshot I feel, so I recommend just checking it and the tags for it out- I will share my Bonus Commentary reply though:

This ask as well! Tags less pressing, but still provide a little insight.

And this is probably a dumb inclusion if I really want to make a pseudonym to post fics under, but. I have posted my (very early) thoughts on the SPTO sparks scene to AO3 before, so- (and before going into this- I did remember that Julie and Gideon have that sparks scene after the fact!)

And here's the Barely Anything Lines hinting at the ship that I had in that fic that I used to justify that blurb, while we're here:

I think I've gone over my feelings a little bit in the discord as well, and there might even be more rp stuff relative to it, but I'm not going to go back and get any of that honestly- at least, not right now, or unless requested, since I don't really feel like it's necessary, if it does exist. This gives a pretty good glimpse in I'd say- especially that second to last one there.

So. Yeah.

Used to ship it; have expanded my horizons since then. I don't really want to knock it because like... for some people this is a legitimate life experience for them- one that might have even turned out well, miraculously. And there also a lot of minors in this fandom evidently, so like, any other baby gays out there just wanting to Project for a minute? I feel that. Sincerely I do. It's not the wisest choice but better to read fanfiction about it than go out and actually make out with a 23 year old, Gods forbid. (Genuinely felt sick thinking about that; fucking gross. Any minors out there: Please Make Good Choices. Look out for yourselves. Begging you. There are too many freaks in this world- I promise you whoever you're thinking of probably isn't the magical exception.)

But there are definitely things to consider about them that are very interesting to me, still, so like. I'm in this weird state of conflict; I don't know if it's just me being like "it happened, you can't escape it" or having been desensitized/some sort of Brainwashed by how many times I had to use Knives in the game to quick heal- maybe something else but I just don't feel like flaying myself open like that unprompted for just anyone- but like. Oh man.

Sorry, gathering/writing this that feeling like went away but came circling back for this last bit, it seems. Which makes sense I guess. I feel like I'm setting myself up for a Pyre right now eugh shfsgkjfhjg

I dunno. I'm not gonna lie and pretend like I know it to be some big formative ship for me in my early teen years, but it was kind of important in finally coming around to realizing how queer I was, I think. My memories of the time are fuzzy, but it would have been one of the things- there were likely larger ones, my current obsession could be recoloring my past here so I'm trying to acknowledge that.

But there is like. A dynamic that is posited by them that is also one I'm a really big sucker for. More so now than I was then, so I find myself grinding my teeth about that a fair bit at times.

I definitely still really like it as something unrequited no matter what I think; I like the idea of Knives having a really big crush on Kim, genuinely. I think it's cute and funny as hell for how uncomfortable it would make Kim, who's just trying so hard not to be a fucking creep while this ray of sunshine hangs off her- something she absolutely does not deserve (in her eyes.)

I'm obviously more partial to Kim resisting any advances made at her, but I can understand so, so badly why someone might be attracted to the idea of Knives managing to thaw some of Kim's frigidity with that. Ugh.

If they work for me, I think they'd have to work for me after Knives is gone at college for a bit. Kim would need to know Knives for longer than she knew her as a minor- and they'd have to be FRIENDS in that time, quite strictly. Kim would need to not feel (intensely, because frankly, she would unavoidably feel this way at least a little no matter what,) like she was a fucking groomer going into it, basically. I don't know what I think past that.

You know, I'll put my feelings like this: with the exception of a fic I saw recommended to someone that intrigued me, I have managed to resist reading any/many fics featuring them, despite it being a large majority of the wlw Kim fics that exist, and also kinda just Kim fics generally. It's kind of Insane, especially considering how much Kimona SCREAM at you from the pages of the comic itself- but I digress....

I've been working on this for like over an hour now I think so I really should cut myself off. I am like,, too hungry and mildly stoned to be rambling off about this maybe. If you want more concise/specific thoughts, I recommend prompting! I can try and channel the responses easier with a bit more direction, maybe?

...

actually another thing real quick- I like. Do not know that I could ever feel comfortable, truly, consuming content for them, not knowing if the OP has good intentions. I just Do Not trust people, largely, so that's just like. A little thing. Idk. "Death to the author" or whatever but I am still allowed to feel personally uncomfortable ya know! I don't want them taking my silent observation as like,, passive acceptance in the event that they were. Idk if that makes sense, I need to go eat already, I'm hitting post before i drag this out to TWO hours

#w oof. that was a doozy. mostly just on account of how long ive been working at it #but yeah. they fuck me up in some sort of way idk man. i cannot stress enough how much i want to bite people that are freaks about knives + #+ btw. like Going For The Throat I Need You To Bleed Out And Die want to bite people. so even considering it casually i find myself feeling #+like i am a massive hypocrite with the word scrawled in blood across my back or something. but im just a starving gay sdfjkhjsd #and i love Kim So Much. Denying myself Kim content is Actual Hell. and I have persisted. #(i mean. i also probably read some of this stuff back when i was a teenager. so. idk how much im really denying myself. but it's the + #+ thought that counts right? right?? hh... i likely dont remember any of them anyway so. it should totally count.) #ooc #txt #glitterminionking12 #am i really gonna put these in the tags.... hhhh yeah i guess i am #if any of the people that know me read this and can see i am shooting myself in the foot here please slap me in the discord i'll understand #i might just be having a Moment #sp comic #spvtw #spto #kim pine #knives chau #possibly the only post- unless i get asked about it more- that is gonna get the ship tag for them i guess? what even is their ship name... #ship stuff #no seriously what is their ship name im sitting here blanking i dont know how to tag this for people that dont wanna see it. or do i guess #knikim #sounds kinda like knick-em in my mind so im doing that for now #since starting to type any of the ones i thought of doesnt make a suggested tag pop up or anything #if there is one someone please tell me maybe and ill tag it #long post #headcanons #i guess? #spvtwtg #forgot that one

[goldpilot22]

got my last final project turned in last night... now all I can do is hope that I pass everything. and also packing up

#psii.txt #moving out is always so bittersweet #more bitter than sweet this time though #because if all goes well (if I pass all my classes and graduate) I won't be coming back #but... then what #job hunting I guess. wish I knew more about how to do that #really hope I'll be. able to #I want to get a job and my own place and stuff. but it's so scary #such a big step to take and I still don't feel like I'm ready #my parents think I could get a job offer needing/worth moving across the country for #I'm not that confident #maybe I'm just feeling burnt out. idk #I don't feel like I'm ready for this #but maybe I'll feel more ready once I'm getting regular amounts of sleep again and don't have all the stress of classes hanging over my head #hopefully

[apocalypticdemon]

being friends with someone who constantly throws pity parties for themselves is fucking exhausting.

#this isn't about anyone that follows me here or that i follow here. #but i have a friend in a group where just..... every time someone says something good about us as a group #they feel the need to put themselves down on main and interrupt the conversation. #it's fucking tiring. #the comment was 'i can't believe we're all academics' and i responded 'it's wild but great' #and then they just go 'i feel really dumb but i guess i'm an academic sometimes' and then the convo gets derailed #like the two of us were literally celebrating that we're all nerdy academics together but now it's managing their emotions on how stupid- #-they feel. #i am so tired. this happens all the time. #i get it. i get it. when i had horrid self-esteem (as if i don't have that now) i felt the need to do this #but like. it's not productive and it's killed the vibe. and i wish they would knock it off but it's unfortunately a pattern of behavior #that happens all the time. and i wish i knew what to do about it bc it's getting on my nerves. #like i said. nobody here is doing this. this is a different person. if you think it's about you No It Isn't #(and if you think you know who i'm talking about no you don't) #idk i just wind up in the position of talking them down all the time and trying to steer them in a more positive direction #and i'm running out of energy for it and it's wearing on me. #they're fun to talk to sometimes but i think over the last few years i've turned into their therapist friend. #'how do i ask someone out' 'do i drop my crush bc i haven't confessed and they aren't acting the way i'd hoped' #'why do i feel like shit all the time' idk man stop fucking asking me #i'm not cut out for this. One Single Class stressed me out so badly i wound up in therapy again. like. i'm Unqualified. #and i'm dissatisfied that i'm stuck in this role and idk how to get out of it

[treypug]

💊

#personal #im stressed the fuck out about everything #and depressed as hell #again #i tried to go back to the psych office i used to go to but bc its been so long they consider me a new client #so i filled out all the new client paperwork and turned it in online like they asked and they said after that they would call me back #and schedule the appointment #well its been over a week and they never called or emailed me back and work has been so rough that i havent been able #to get out of work early enough before their office closes to call and be like wtf can i make a fucking appointment #so i dont know when ill get this damn appointment and on top of that the 1st appointment will cost double bc im now a new client i guess #and the office is like an hour drive away but none of the other offices near me have good reviews #maybe they just had a backload from winter breaks idk #but yeah stressed about that and i can never fucking sleep well #cant fall asleep cant stay asleep dont feel well after rest its bs #and im eternally broke #really need a new bed thats bigger so i can maybe sleep better with my bf #i could ask my parents for money help but i hate doing that im almost 25 i shouldnt be so fucking broke and dependent right #also ive been feeling ugly for over a year #and this weather has me fucked up #and bills have me fucked up #ugh

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i truely have so much anger built up inside me about my job. ive done a very good job of making it unbearable #and after taking a 10 day vacation. plus 2 days of not working bc im sick. i really dont wanna go back #i was planning to take 3 days to not do fucking anything but my boss just emailed me with some time sensitive #logistical things. so like i guess i gotta fucking do that tomorrow. i started reading the email and it made my head hurt #and she started it off like. hopw ur feeling better and i dont wanna cause stress but... #like bro. listen. if u tell me these things u put them in my head and i csnt stop thinking abt them until theyre done. and its not her #fault bc im the one that put myself in a place where im barely keeping it together. its just frustrating #bc it feels like hope u feel better but also kill urseld 💖 but again thats just how it feels bc im so. idk how to describe it im like in a #state of post burnout. im sitting in the ash. alone in a desolate landscape and its like jesus how tf do i fix this? #and i cant even run out my anger rn bc im sick. and i mean i have the energy to run i dont feel lethargic but like i doubt that would aid #recovery lol. ugh. 2 months. thats all. then i move away. assuming i find a place to live lol. bc i currently haven't yet #but whatever. assuming i get better quickly and dont get worse and dont get covid on top of this cold bc my dad got covid #it will have been a bit of a blessing i came back sick bc i have a clear justification for not working and for telling people to fuck off #when they ask for things from me. like today a lab mate asked if i could sample Monday. which it technically #a holiday but i probably would have said yes if i wasnt sick. and i would have had to teach undergrads some bullshit friday if i wasnt sick #instead i just did nothing all day bc i almost moved bsck my flight and didnt leave home until the weekend anyway #i guess its good i didnt bc then i would have been stuck in ohio bc my dad found out he had covid yesterday #idk its all just frustrating bc im halfway in a transition and im not doing very well but i cant do anything to fix things until i leave #the southwest. like i dont even kno if i have health insurance rn. my benifits change request was processed but like does thst mean it was #approproved? fucking idk. so everytime i do anything i imagine a worstcase scenario where i end up hospitalized and damned to an empty #bank account or eternal medical debt. tho my mum said they passed a law where they arnt allowed to do thst to u anymore 🤷‍♂️ #whatever. im annoyed. i dont wanna work 😫 #unrelated

[johnbly]

life sure is a thing

#spent the past hours stressing about weather for family #and it turned out okay altho my dad lowkey made me feel dumb for worrying #even though i was perfectly in the right to do so bc the family city and the bad weather city were one and the same #but one of my aunts has had heart issues all her life and recently it's gotten really bad #so they were talking she only had months etc #but now she might go at any time and i'm like ??? #we aren't that close like i think i have only seen her and that uncle a handful of times #but it's still very hhh #idk dude that's just a lot for a tiny chilly to handle in a short span #edit: my aunt did indeed go like three hours after posting this so hhh #when it's time it's time i guess #it's kinda giving me flashbacks to when the grandma on this side of the family went too #bc i knew stuff was coming and then my grandpa called at night and i just Knew #and he just called now hhh #chilly chats

[johnbleepingzoidberg]

work stress makin me feel like im about to implode

#the worst part is that the shit im stressed out over is shit i really shouldnt be stressed about #it's all self-imposed #and internalization of stuff #idk i just feel!!!!! incompetent and stupid and slow and like im behind and should be doing better #:( #and now it is time to go study for an exam i dont really know if i want to take #to advance in a career i dont even know if i want to be in #i guess on the bright side the studying/exam taking will only take a year #so. in the grand scheme of things. if i ever change my mind and decide i cant take this anymore. its not That much time really #i mean #i am very fortunate for the job and degree and experience i have #i realize that dont get me wrong #but the constant guilt and anxiety is still Always There regardless #tho really itd still be there with anything i were to do as a career #idk i just feel like i lucked into something i dont deserve/am too incompetent for #and im gonna fumble and drop the ball #and people are gonna be like. god. why did we hire her #mine

[betty-bourgeoisie]

I’m honestly surprised that wedding worked out, it just sounded very uh- put together at the last possible second. (Didn’t you also say people were expected stand outside in cold weather with no hot food??? How did y’all survive???)

The wedding hasn't happened yet. My cousin asked me to read over the ceremony to make sure the Pagan religious aspects were correct because I'm*technically* clergy (in the broadest possible sense of the word). So how the wedding actually goes is yet to be seen lamo

#thanks for the ask! #but yeah #not looking forward to a cold outdoor wedding with no chairs 🥶 #recently I asked them how they were feeling about everything #and they were like 'oh I'm chill idk why everyone is making such a big deal out of this planning a wedding is easy!' #and I'm just like... that's good because literally everyone around you is Very Stressed Out about your lack of planning #like the wedding is in a week and they haven't ordered the cake yet #but I guess that's not really my business 🙄 #wedding vent

[kuiinncedes]

.

#jfc i need to stop fucking crying fhjfgff tw pet death or something sort of #my cat is dying basically and it like really sunk in after a conversation w my mom this morning #that we can't do anything anymore #and i've cried like fucking 6 times today or something i just don't want to have to deal with this lmfao #but my parents are out of town and my mom is the only one who is like as sad abt it i think #and like understanding idk me and her were 'closest' to our cat lmfao i guess lol #but my cat's fine she's just old and isn't eating or drinking and can barely walk now #and she like just doesn't move and stares into space instead of sleeping #and idk what to do i just feel like with my mom out of town it's all on me to try to take care of her and idk what to do #bc i can't do anything she's just at the end of her life #and i've been crying so much about it today lmfao i'm tired and my nose is completely stuffed #anyway it's part of life and whatever i'm just really sad about it today and probably until she dies and probably after that it's just #gonna be like this for a while lmao i just need to talk about it somewhere i guess #i don't rly wanna tell any irl friends or anything bc idk i just don't really wanna talk about it #so like if anyone sees this y'all can respond to the post but i probably wont reply to anything kldhfgjfgdfdf #also some minor other things that are stressing me out a tiny bit jfhjflks idk ugh #i haven't experienced actual loss/grief yet so this is fun #hhhhhhhh sighs i gotta get ready for bed #i've just been cycling thru like instagram tumblr ao3 youtube all day idk what to do lmfao #bc the minor other thing stressing me out is that i'm staying on this research team over the summer but #like i haven't been hired yet by the universtiy so i don'tthink i can technically do work yet #and i have rent to pay next semester so i kinda wanna make money and also like do this research work #but idk if i should while i'm in this headspace lmfao bc it's kinda heavy ish work #idk the hiring thing is kinda stressing me out #anyway skdjfghjsdfjgnslfdbsj idk where i'm going with this lol #jeanne talks #oh and it's hard bc last time i was home at the beginning of march she was completely fine #and like spending the night w me in bed and waiting for me outside the bathroom door while i got ready for bed #like #anyway

[thethingything]

I think our sleep schedule has hit that weird point where we just sleep randomly whenever for short bursts which isn't ideal but it's whatever. I'll maybe order some food to put in our fridge later so we've got stuff to eat when we wake up at weird times and then just pass out whenever

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #it's nearly 9:30am and we slept for a couple of hours and now it's sunny and that's making me feel like doing stuff #and I don't think I'll be able to sleep for a while so idk we'll see what happens #it means we don't really have a routine which isn't great because were kind of dependent on having a routine to help us remember stuff #but there's not much I can do about it so I guess based on how this has gone every other time I'm just gonna wait for it to sort itself out #also I think trying to stick to our routine and getting stressed over it when our sleep schedule is completely fucked #just makes us end up dissociating way more and finding it harder to do self care and get ready for bed when we need to #so I'm kind of just hoping that maybe if I try to go along with whatever's happening and not get stressed it'll sort itself out faster #I'll probably still end up freaking out about it later but oh well. sorry future me there's nothing I can do about this <3

[theantiproduct]

.

#everytime i open this app it looks completely different #anyways heres a lil update rant tired blabbering tags post cause why nottttt #so my health is shit and i have about 300 test to get done and i honestly am so stressed out over this that i cant even function #and u know whats funny about it all is i originally went to the doc to maybe get diagnosed with adhd and i was which duh but thennnn #the funniest thing happened #took the meds and i was actually feeling a lot better and more productive! who knew thats an option but then my dic was like #we should do an ekg just to make sure youre good to take these #so obviously my hr was super high which let to more tests and more experts and haha i cant do this anymore its exhausting #so i cant take my adhd meds and i have an appointment every other day for the next month #oh and btw when i was feeling better for like a week or two i started dating again cause why not! do not have enough going on atm #met this guy been on a few dates but its nothing really i guess right cause i cant get myself to kiss him even tho i want to #cause im so scared of intimacy and so scared of being vulnerable so he's probably gonna ditch soon cause why wouldn't he and #what am i doing trying to date when i have these issues #i just want something good yknow im so tired and i just need like a good cuddle #im gonna be visiting my brother in January after 3 years of not seeing him and the kids but thats obviously stressing me out too #cause covid and planes and big sad but idk we'll see if it wont get cancelled like my last trip did #good rant ty tumblr for not shutting down yet #personal #update i have an autoimmune disease and 300 more tests to do and pills to take #fun to be me