#but yeah. they fuck me up in some sort of way idk man. i cannot stress enough how much i want to bite people that are freaks about knives +
Note
(Not an rp ask)
What is your opinion on chau x kim? I'm not a shipper of it myself but I heard it was a proship since knives is 17 but also I saw she was 18 in the comic so I'm not sure where to stand on it honestly. But I'd like to hear your opinion about it !! Sorry if this is a bit of a random ask (ーー;
You're completely fine!! Do not even worry about it.
So, yeah- When Scott first meets Knives, and I'm not entirely sure how much time passes between then and when they start dating, it was *literally* her seventeenth birthday, as I am reminding myself reading back over these panels presently. And then at the start of book six, the first time we see (real, non-dream,) Knives, she has apparently been eighteen for a week!
Now, I'm going to preface with a little something before I go further into this: I am totally fine answering this ask and others like it I think! but, I will note, I do get like a (not fun) physical sensation in my chest- partly anxiety (lol) but also something else I think- thinking about them like 95% of the time- it's gotta be like. Handled The Right Way, if that makes sense. Let's get into it.
So, first off, I'm just gonna re: some of the stuff relative to this I've posted here before- both nonrp and rp, since I use RP to develop my read on Kim and shed some light on how I see things I guess!
These clips come from this ask (and reblog) here!
This rp ask here, which is simply too difficult for me to get in a good screenshot I feel, so I recommend just checking it and the tags for it out- I will share my Bonus Commentary reply though:
This ask as well! Tags less pressing, but still provide a little insight.
And this is probably a dumb inclusion if I really want to make a pseudonym to post fics under, but. I have posted my (very early) thoughts on the SPTO sparks scene to AO3 before, so- (and before going into this- I did remember that Julie and Gideon have that sparks scene after the fact!)
And here's the Barely Anything Lines hinting at the ship that I had in that fic that I used to justify that blurb, while we're here:
I think I've gone over my feelings a little bit in the discord as well, and there might even be more rp stuff relative to it, but I'm not going to go back and get any of that honestly- at least, not right now, or unless requested, since I don't really feel like it's necessary, if it does exist. This gives a pretty good glimpse in I'd say- especially that second to last one there.
So. Yeah.
Used to ship it; have expanded my horizons since then. I don't really want to knock it because like... for some people this is a legitimate life experience for them- one that might have even turned out well, miraculously. And there also a lot of minors in this fandom evidently, so like, any other baby gays out there just wanting to Project for a minute? I feel that. Sincerely I do. It's not the wisest choice but better to read fanfiction about it than go out and actually make out with a 23 year old, Gods forbid. (Genuinely felt sick thinking about that; fucking gross. Any minors out there: Please Make Good Choices. Look out for yourselves. Begging you. There are too many freaks in this world- I promise you whoever you're thinking of probably isn't the magical exception.)
But there are definitely things to consider about them that are very interesting to me, still, so like. I'm in this weird state of conflict; I don't know if it's just me being like "it happened, you can't escape it" or having been desensitized/some sort of Brainwashed by how many times I had to use Knives in the game to quick heal- maybe something else but I just don't feel like flaying myself open like that unprompted for just anyone- but like. Oh man.
Sorry, gathering/writing this that feeling like went away but came circling back for this last bit, it seems. Which makes sense I guess. I feel like I'm setting myself up for a Pyre right now eugh shfsgkjfhjg
I dunno. I'm not gonna lie and pretend like I know it to be some big formative ship for me in my early teen years, but it was kind of important in finally coming around to realizing how queer I was, I think. My memories of the time are fuzzy, but it would have been one of the things- there were likely larger ones, my current obsession could be recoloring my past here so I'm trying to acknowledge that.
But there is like. A dynamic that is posited by them that is also one I'm a really big sucker for. More so now than I was then, so I find myself grinding my teeth about that a fair bit at times.
I definitely still really like it as something unrequited no matter what I think; I like the idea of Knives having a really big crush on Kim, genuinely. I think it's cute and funny as hell for how uncomfortable it would make Kim, who's just trying so hard not to be a fucking creep while this ray of sunshine hangs off her- something she absolutely does not deserve (in her eyes.)
I'm obviously more partial to Kim resisting any advances made at her, but I can understand so, so badly why someone might be attracted to the idea of Knives managing to thaw some of Kim's frigidity with that. Ugh.
If they work for me, I think they'd have to work for me after Knives is gone at college for a bit. Kim would need to know Knives for longer than she knew her as a minor- and they'd have to be FRIENDS in that time, quite strictly. Kim would need to not feel (intensely, because frankly, she would unavoidably feel this way at least a little no matter what,) like she was a fucking groomer going into it, basically. I don't know what I think past that.
You know, I'll put my feelings like this: with the exception of a fic I saw recommended to someone that intrigued me, I have managed to resist reading any/many fics featuring them, despite it being a large majority of the wlw Kim fics that exist, and also kinda just Kim fics generally. It's kind of Insane, especially considering how much Kimona SCREAM at you from the pages of the comic itself- but I digress....
I've been working on this for like over an hour now I think so I really should cut myself off. I am like,, too hungry and mildly stoned to be rambling off about this maybe. If you want more concise/specific thoughts, I recommend prompting! I can try and channel the responses easier with a bit more direction, maybe?
...
actually another thing real quick- I like. Do not know that I could ever feel comfortable, truly, consuming content for them, not knowing if the OP has good intentions. I just Do Not trust people, largely, so that's just like. A little thing. Idk. "Death to the author" or whatever but I am still allowed to feel personally uncomfortable ya know! I don't want them taking my silent observation as like,, passive acceptance in the event that they were. Idk if that makes sense, I need to go eat already, I'm hitting post before i drag this out to TWO hours
#w oof. that was a doozy. mostly just on account of how long ive been working at it#but yeah. they fuck me up in some sort of way idk man. i cannot stress enough how much i want to bite people that are freaks about knives +#+ btw. like Going For The Throat I Need You To Bleed Out And Die want to bite people. so even considering it casually i find myself feeling#+like i am a massive hypocrite with the word scrawled in blood across my back or something. but im just a starving gay sdfjkhjsd#and i love Kim So Much. Denying myself Kim content is Actual Hell. and I have persisted.#(i mean. i also probably read some of this stuff back when i was a teenager. so. idk how much im really denying myself. but it's the +#+ thought that counts right? right?? hh... i likely dont remember any of them anyway so. it should totally count.)#ooc#txt#glitterminionking12#am i really gonna put these in the tags.... hhhh yeah i guess i am#if any of the people that know me read this and can see i am shooting myself in the foot here please slap me in the discord i'll understand#i might just be having a Moment#sp comic#spvtw#spto#kim pine#knives chau#possibly the only post- unless i get asked about it more- that is gonna get the ship tag for them i guess? what even is their ship name...#ship stuff#no seriously what is their ship name im sitting here blanking i dont know how to tag this for people that dont wanna see it. or do i guess#knikim#sounds kinda like knick-em in my mind so im doing that for now#since starting to type any of the ones i thought of doesnt make a suggested tag pop up or anything#if there is one someone please tell me maybe and ill tag it#long post#headcanons#i guess?#spvtwtg#forgot that one
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Just other Dps hcs because idk I like doing them:3
TODD IS ACTUALKY ME so
Todd hcs…where do I start
He definitely plays some sort of instrument, maybe the piano. But he was forced into it and doesn’t associate himself with it unless it’s brought up.
“My mom was thinking of buying a piano” Charlie would probably say and Todd would be like; “oh cool, I play the piano” and everyone’s like ‘what the fuck? You play the piano????’
He’s queer. Do I really have to elaborate here?
He def wasn’t entirely sure on his whole sexuality for a while, but he knows he isn’t straight. So that makes me wanna say he’s unlabeled, he is just a silly guy!
holds stuff off until last minute
“Did you do the Latin homework?” Neil would ask, and Todd would be like 😨 bc he didn’t really forget but he also just forgot it was due the next morning
Neil
he definitely does method acting, especially for puck
He would act like his character in the play during the school days, just for fun; maybe even when he was in his dorm with Todd. (Im gonna pretend he’s alive to not want to die) when he got a bigger role he would go out of his way to put himself in that character’s shoes until he had to film.
He has a collection of rocks I just know it dawg
“Neil what the fuck,” Charlie would say and Neil would turn confused as hell obvi, and Charlie found his little trinket drawer, like yeah he collects other stuff but bros entranced by rocks. “Oh yeah my rocks! Do you like them?” He would ask and Charlie would be like “yeah, I guess.”
His favorite season is summer.
He would LOVE summer, he definitely swims and is outside the entire time. He would probably be deathly afraid of bees tho, would scream and cry when he seen one. He loves summer but hates bugs, he loves butterflies.
steven :3
I have a strong feeling when he was playing soccer he broke his glasses, this happened at least twice.
He would be like ??!?? And stare blindly at his broken glasses on the ground, squinting HIGHKEY. And wouldn’t get a replacement for a day and just be extremely blind trying to see the board in his classes.
doesn’t know how to cook, like at all. OR BAKE he cannot be in a kitchen without fucking it up.
“How the hell did you mix up 1 ½ cups of milk with just half??? Now we have to restart!” Gerard would say; I feel like they’d just be baking at his house during winter break because they have nothing better to do. And Meeks somehow fucked up the bread by adding too much milk and pitts is just like ?!!? How the hell?????
a piece of shit tbh LMAO like in a humorous way
“Cameron you fucking dumbass how did you fuck that problem up? It’s literally sooo easy— don't be mad at me you’re an idiot!” Or like “couldn’t be me, I would never be that down bad especially for a girl— with a fucking boyfriend you weirdo” to knox
SPEAKING OF now its Knox’ turn
we all know he’s a hopeless romantic but I wanna feed into it
He would be on about Chris to Charlie and he would just be like, “okay I genuinely couldn’t care less”. And then he would also read love poems, would be into Romeo and Juliet tbh, probably would imagine him as Romeo and Chris as Juliet.
I genuinely have no hcs for this man so all of these are probably ooc.. but he PROBABLY knows every type of bird to exist, he just looks like that.
“Is that an ancient murrelet!??” He would say looking at a bird sitting a couple feet away, and Neil would be like “how the fuck do you even know that”
Okay this one’s just for me to laugh at
When he was talking to Chris when they were on their way to Neil’s play, knox fell on his ass and it was a really awkward walk there; they didn’t talk and it was just really really awkward
Charlie dalton😈
Don’t get me started
This boy gets on every teacher's nerves like.. he’s just an arrogant piece of shit im sorry😭
“Mr dalton PLEASE sit down” the teacher would ask for the 15th time as Charlie would mess around, and then he would get sent to Nolan’s😭
So so bisexual like it’s insane
He flirts with Neil a lot— as a joke but he thinks Neil is attractive. He also thinks women are hot, I think he has a preference for women but will date a man without a thought. Todd definitely asked one time “are you gay?” And he would be like “I dunno— maybe for your boyfriend” and then Todd would be like “HES NOT MY BOYFRIEND I DON'T EVEN LIKE NEIL LIKE THAT” and Charlie would say “I never said Neil”
Never shuts thebfuck up
Yapper of the year award goes to Charles Dalton like im so fr, the poets love him but Jesus he talks too much😭
#dead poets fandom#charlie dalton#dead poets aesthetic#dead poets society#steven meeks#dps#neil perry#knox overstreet#todd anderson#I couldnt think of the rest#headcanon#headcannons
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you can tell me about your idea!!!
thank you so much 😭 it's kinda long sorry
SO i was listening to a song my sister like (Valerie, Amy Winehouse) and there's this line about ginger hair and it was just so specific ig it stuck with me? so im thinking man who do i know with red hair...DUH KUWABARA!!!
nearly every song i listen to gets assigned a character or ship or relationship of some sort idk why but yeah once i fixated on the hair i was able to expand on the rest of the song and a sort of idea settled in the back of my head about kuwameshi
we all know kuwabara is always the one getting left behind but what if while he's off doing his thing yusuke also feels that sense of loss? an absence even though it was his decision to up and leave. it makes no sense cos hey! you felt the need to go back to the demon realm bro but he cannot help how he feels left behind in some illogical sense. i made some notes 😤😤
centers round the time where yusuke goes back to makai after the whole sensui debacle and kuwabara is getting his education studying in prep for college (hell yeah boy !!) not sure if the timelines even match up like that but i literally dont care
i'm working under the canon divergence that keiko really did decide she's not gonna wait for urameshi like that but ofc she's still his bestie and he loves her sooooo much <3
so he's going back. he's a demon now so he feels drawn to the culture. it's a side of himself he's never known after feeling so othered ofc he's interested right?
i mean sure he grew up with other humans but almost everyone hated him/was scared of him ironically he was called a demon or monster or wtv
reactions like that are why he almost decided not to come back to life in the first place!! it wasn't a welcoming atmosphere and even his home didn't feel great cos his mom isn't exactly the mothering type
im all for deadbeat moms but the neglect will fuck a kid up. demon heritage or not
and he loves her and all but it's just all fucked up at home so he ended up wandering around a lot being mad about his shitty life and he likes fighting so that's what he did!
and obviously in makai this behavior isnt like. crazy or uncalled for
but yeah the only connections he's got to ningenkai is his mom, keiko (her parents by extension) and of course kuwabara; the only friends he managed to not scare off
anyway. you get it. so yusuke is back in makai and without his permission his mind keeps wandering to kuwabara who he hasn't seen in let's say. a year and some change? i'll decide later but A While
and like. last time he was in the demon world kuwa was WITH him yknow? like yeah the world was ending but it feels weird without him even if he is having a blast fighting with his new demon buddies and acquaintances
so he's a little distracted when he literally came here to fight he cant even focus on it
"how is college prep treating him? are the teachers there just as bad as middle school? did he make new human friends? a girlfriend?" basically he's spiraling over changes he might be missing out on this very moment
there's a bunch of talk in the song where the singer wonders if valerie dyed her hair if she's busy if she ever paid that fine if she sold her house if she got a man so that's where i got it lol
yusuke doesn't have to worry about kurama and hiei cos hey they're from here and have lived way longer and they actually do visit but who knows what typa shit could be happening to kuwa right now
ofc he can take care of himself he's really strong but yusuke can't help but remember that time he let kuwabara go when he shouldn't have and he almost died because he wasn't there and yeah. he's worried. sue him
so it's half worry half wistfulness and maybe some other secret third thing and when hiei and maybe kurama (depending on how the idea forms as i write) come to visit or maybe they're also participating wtv
he cant help but think well kuwabara could be here with us if he really WANTED to :/ he's got the jigen to down pat by now so...why hasn't he...
and those old but ever remaining insecurities resurface about how people don't wanna be around him they think he's a nuisance at best no good waste of time a trouble maker. keiko already dumped my sorry ass so who knows maybe kuwabara just...wisened up
hiei and kurama are like this bitch is back on his bullshit (affectionate)
they manage to weedle his worries out of him hiei ofc trying to act like he doesnt really care (he cares a lot) "you must not have much faith in kuwabara if you think he'd abandon you just from some time apart. and i thought HE was the oaf between the two of you"
kurama with his fox self is like "well yes hiei is right of course kazuma is too loyal to do something like that. but he is human...the only human of us now."
yusuke is like wth is that supposed to mean on the defensive even tho kurama is their friend and hasn't even said anything untrue and hiei narrows his eyes a bit maybe but is still acting like this doesn't really concern him
"i just mean that...from what i've learned about humans over the time i've spent with them...time feels different. we demons live such long lives that when faced with the human lifespan well...it can be laughable to some. that's why demons can be so callous about their lives."
yusuke just wants him to get to the point ofc "what i'm saying is we don't need a lot of contact with each other to keep relationships fresh and healthy but, kuwabara might be a little different. 3 years will do nothing to your bond but...i do worry about longer periods..."
and he seems to just trail off and it just gets quiet and a little sad and hiei isn't looking at them anymore
kurama starts again pretty cheerfully tho "well, don't worry! i'm planning on staying in the human world for quite some time once i'm done with this visit! i do have the company to take care of so i'll make sure to see kazuma all the time! i'll even send him a message from you if you want to say anything :)"
kurama has deliberately been using kuwa's first name knowing damn well urameshi doesn't even use it because this dude is not JUST a sweetie he's a fucking master manipulator. gaslight gatekeep bbg
yusuke is like okay yeah no new plan i'll just go see him now. no need for a middle man thanks anyway and then he's just gone. left the tournament early. like bruh that's what you came here for 😐
so yeah he's breaking into kuwa's house next thing you know and ofc he goes through the window not the door like a normal person and he just kinda stops short because he hasn't seen his friend in what feels like forever even though it's only been like a year or so but he just looks so different
and yeah a big part might be the hair he's never seen without that popadour, long soft copper coils, and he's somehow even bigger than when yusuke left him jesus when did he get so swole? when did he have time in between all those brainiac classes
yusuke knows he's bound to look a lil different too ofc i mean they weren't kids anymore really but like. when they hell did you go and grow up?
"next time i come back is this even gonna be your house anymore? will you still wanna hang out with dropout delinquent demon urameshi?" he gets so insecure in so little time
anyway kuwabara didn't sense him at first cos yusuke isn't a threat and he never really thought he'd be coming especially not yet but when he does notice
kuwabara just gets the biggest goofiest grin he's like urameshi you dog when the hell did you get back in town you're early!!
and yusuke is significantly eased by this reaction but now he feels stupid cos he up a left everything just to what? bother kuwabara while he studies to achieve his dreams? yusuke has got no human world aspirations like keiko had. like kurama has. like kuwabara.
and ofc kuwabara looks glad to see him but he wasn't desperate enough to just show up like yusuke had just done and he feels like a pathetic loser so he pouts
he's like yeah hey man just uh. checking in. and i should probably check out hah you seem busy with your books so im gonna scram and he tries to retreat through the window
and ofc kuwa is NOT letting him get away
and there's that desperation yusuke had selfishly wanted to see. kuwabara had just grabbed him without thinking even though he'd promised himself when urameshi left he wasn't gonna just sit around waiting for his life to start when he came back
he remembers when yusuke took him into that headlock and he wanted to succeed like he said he would that day
but still he's just thinking about urameshi all the time and it's awful. he always said he was gonna beat him some day but he just wanted to be near him. but all he sees is his back, even right now
part ii cos it's too many words!
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Random HCs abt command but specifically Hassen and Nikola
Note: “Command” just sort of refers to the people who hand out missions. So Celica, Asimov, Nikola and Hassen
Okay okay so Nikola very obviously Slavic coded, I think Russian bc he’s immune to the cold lol like in Luna’s interlude he’s watching Lucia train in the snow in nothing but a SUIT. That out of the way
A friend suggested that Hassen is Pakistani American and honestly? I can get behind that. I do think he’s only half tho bc this guy is a white man 💀 I’m sorry but being raised in an orphanage did not help him.
Nobody in command can cook. Absolutely nobody. Except for Celica. Bc that girl can do everything
I also think that Celica can speak like five different languages. She’s just built like that
I think it’d be funny if Celica is trying to explain something and she just blanks and forgets how to explain it in all five languages.
Nikola gains an accent when he’s really angry. It’s like a scale the angrier he gets the more Russian he gets. (idk but personally I gain a weird Filipino accent when I’m frustrated does this happen to anyone else?) If anyone hears him yelling in Russian they better hide because Nikola does not yell
Oh yeah and on that, I don’t think Nikola yells. Yes he’s very menacing and scary and you know when he’s mad, but he never yells. And it’s because he has a nice, tight lid and control over his emotions. Basically you REALLY have to screw up in order for him to yell at you.
Hassen is scary for a different reason and that is that he’s super patient. When he’s mad he’s twice as a scary because once again, you have to really fuck up. He can tolerate A LOT but the scariest thing in the world is an angry Hassen because it’s probably very justifiable
I think this is somewhat in part to him actually being rather cunning. I think he can be quite manipulative as well and that’s where he gets the patience from
Asimov canonically having an attitude is kinda funny to me. Everyone else is stepping on eggshells around the president and commander but Asimov’s unhinged ass is out here like “Uh yeah, so here’s the thing; you’re fucking wrong”
I think the little nerd is feisty and he’s a a little smug about it because he knows that he’s usually right
I genuinely think Hassen and Nikola are friends. You can pry this from my cold dead hands but they’ve known each other forever and they are both the leaders of the Kurono hate club. They trust each other so much I just know it
Nikola has siblings and they’re all high ranking Kurono members
Nikola strikes me as a rich boy that was funnelled into politics and shady business by his parents. Idk he gives that vibe
Asimov has a sweet tooth. Maybe because it helps him stay awake idk.
Hassen keeps alcohol in his office. It’s not even like a nice wine or anything it’s just cheap beer
Asimov has a dark sense of humour. I just feel like he cracks some very out of pocket jokes sometimes
I know Hassen is good with kids it is written all over him
I like to think that surprisingly, Asimov is too. Hey, kids LOVE cool science he would be a neat baby sitter and they’d make one of those little baking sofa volcanoes or smth
Celica is not. She has no idea how to deal with the little suckers but they all like her anyways bc funny lady say funny words
I’m sorry but Nikola is last place here I don’t think he can deal with kids at all 💀 I feel like it could mostly be rooted in his guilt from helping Kurono get actual children to experiment on. Yeah he just cannot with children. He doesn’t hate them though
Anyways that was it for today’s episode of Kou’s Delusions hope you enjoyed it!
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FIGHTING!!!!
Obligatory @beantothemax
WHAAAAAAT?? YOU'RE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MAP! WE CAN'T HEAR YOU!
THE MUSIC CHANGED!!! IT GOT MORE GRAND!!!!!! YEAHHHHH WOOOOOOOOOOOO IT HAS DRUMS AND FRENCH HORNS AT THE BREAK!!!!!!!!!
Oh goodness i love me some symmetry theyre so good
Lukas, Clive and Forsythe are so
They look like they
I love them all theyre so blorbo
Clive (Handshake) Seth
Horse boys who double everyone
I love how tobin sounds personally offended when he gets only 1 stat up.
HEY GUYS I HAVE A REALLY GREAT IDEA! WHAT IF WE PRETEND THE ENEMY DOESNT EXIST UNTIL THEY APPROACH US???
Yeah. These guys are dummies.
UHHHH IM PRETTY SURE THATS FAYE
Idk how to tell you this, but alm is like 15 tiles away from you, he CANNOT hear you.
Me and the boys getting ready to snipe Slayde
combat WHAT
Ah... I see.
Okay it would be VERY Funny if this hit...
HAHAHAHAH GET FUCKED
And you got a sickass levelup!
Yes.
WAIT WHAT???
awwwwww i wanted to kill him :((
But then again, looking at his stats, i can understand why he would be a tough one to beat up.
Oh?
Generic ass support so far...
??? I thought you would want a gal pal?
This obsession is a bit much tbh.
SIMP
OH?
DORK
YOU CANT JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT!!!!!!!!
Damnit, image limit hit me again.
Yeah I'm honestly not a big fan of Faye, I'm just not a big fan of the fact that her whole personality is just "oh man, I sure do love Alm" But Clairs supports with Alm are pretty cute in a friendship sort of way imo
Also, welcome to combat arts, there are some pretty good ones, and also some that are just outright broken (looking at you hunters volley)
THE BASTARD IS DING DONG DEAD (Slayde)
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im SO pissed i didnt listen to believe for a fucking year bc i heard bad things about it. im never listening to anyone else's opinions again cuz THAT WAS BRILLIANT. THAT WAS EVERYTHING I WANT OUT OF TORCHWOOD i mean it was still a bit shit highkey but it was EXACTLY what i want out of this garbage show. sooo fucking season one core (aka my fav) all sorts of dark horrific connotations and unhealthy dynamics but no emotional weight or responsibility xD once again i cannot tell if the writer was even fucking AWARE of a lot of the things he was implying but what i interpreted as being implied is making me fucking tear up the floorboards im. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
that was so cynical and bitter and awful and miserable and edgy and shitty ITS EVERYTHING I WANTED. i love torchwood being goofy i do but what draws me into the show and the reason it's become one of my most, uh, aggressive hyperfixations ever (which is ridic btw) is cuz its FUCKED UP AND UNHAPPY and that? was fuuuuucked. obsessed.
cult leader jack cult leader jack cult leader jack U DONT UNDERSTAND IT MAKES ME RABID and they ran with it i. stick figure violence stick figure violence. feeling rabid. AND HIS FUCKING SPEECH AT THE END. DOES HE KNOW??? hes so fucking deluded I LOVE IT. ITS FASCINATING he thinks hes good.... he thinks hes good... hes aware n he feels responsible and yet he doesnt SEE he doesnt see he thinks hes doing his best. NOOO it had the be intentional literally "jack tell us what that was about" "later lol" "sure yeah always later" and then hes like "YOU HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY" GRRR JACK. JACK. also faith n believing.... ianto's trust. ianto's trust. you believe me like a god FUCK MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEE
jack always being five steps ahead + being 10x more competent than the team always makes me fucking roll my eyes but at this point i just kind of perceive it as the way tw constantly paints him as a deity figure. he can do no wrong
GWENS CYNICISM. TORCHWOOD BREAKING HER. TORCHWOOD BREAKING HER!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK it's toxic... it's toxic... this job gets inside you THIS JOB GETS INSIDE YOUUU. torchwood thesis statement: this job fucking breaks you.
FINALLY some good fucking tosh x owen food. DONT GET ME WRONG THAT WAS FUCKING AWFUL but that was sooooooo much more compelling than the fucking bullshit that canon gave us. owen being a toxic abusive fucking manchild + doing smth bad enough to tosh that she FINALLY went "wow THATS the man im obsessing over" like g-d i would've killedddd for that to happen in the show i HATE that she wasted herself on him. i hate it. her disgust and anger at him was so THERAPEUTIC for me 😭 idk what it says about me that the way i was grinning when they were arguing n bitching at each other was probs the closest ive ever gotten to actually shipping them HFKJDSF theres smth wrong w me. i just think s2 tosh is too fucking sweet and good and probably naive and i think owen could so easily fuck her up, like i don't think there's a world where he wouldn't hurt her tbh, and i don't want that to happen i adore her too much. like i don't think he's irredeemable, i ship him w other characters who i think could handle him, but i don't think tosh could, and that was validation of that opinion, you know? i'd be more willing to ship them if tosh was firm with him and didn't let him walk all over her, and it sucks that she didn't do that and got herself hurt and THATS what it took to make her call him tf out and tell him how much he sucks. ig a lot of why towen bugs me sm boils down to the fact that im not comfortable shipping someone who's kind of awful with someone who idealizes them and doesn't seem to grasp the scale of how bad they are. that's a recipe for an unhealthy dynamic and if i didn't like tosh i might be intrigued by it ngl HFSKDF but thats my babygirl and the idea of putting her thru Being With Him disgusts me. she deserves better until he gets his fucking shit together. which he never does and she never gets to have something good bc she was waiting for his shitty ass lmao YAYY!!
owen was AWFUL in that btw. and i adored him in it. my fav owen is an owen who's spiraling and destructively fixated on something for selfish purposes to the point that he doesnt care who he hurts to accomplish it. he's so villain coded fhsdkfjdsk he redeems himself in the show and i love that but the audios further explore the fact that he's got such a darkness to him he SO EASILY can be pushed into destroying everything. hes constantly on the precipice of monstrosity and cruelty bc of his own hurt. it's like hes so full of rot it leaks out of him and infects others and he hates it but he cant help it. i will never get over the doctor with poison fingers oh he makes my heart ache. he's just so misguided. he's so broken.
which brings us back to jack's speech. (him talking to the cult leader lady) "They were broken, and you were the person they turned to for help. If you don’t accept their problems, then don’t offer yourself as a solution." literally im gonna think about this for months. HE DOESNT SEE!!!!!!!!!
g-d and ianto's orientation or whatever. that was Fantastic ianto insight. he's so much more interesting when he's away from jack it's almost impressive.
i am just. gdddddddddddddddddddddddd. i am so distraught. help meeee
#sss#txt#torchwood posting#rereading this i did not mean to repeat things twice sm i was just rlly excited HFKDS sorry its annoying oops
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actually screw it yeah update post time, buckle up cuz life has literally been insane since The Move initially started and we're gonna sorta cliffnotes this shit starting with stuff i have probably already talked about
✩ got a job offer across the country at the beginning of august, accepted, ended up not making it out of state in time to actually start it due to some transport issues
✩ started heading out at the end of september (finally) alongside my parents, shitass car overheated so hard we couldn't go further, parents headed out and we stuck around where we broke down in my parents' rv which was also having trouble
✩ left the rv mid-october to head back to stay with some family back 'home', been here since
✩ got a job while waiting for parents to be able to help at least me get where we were going and get a job so i can get my husband out there too, lasted two weeks before life problems + my shitty mental health made me quit for Actual Straight-Up Safety Reasons
✩ have spent this entire time being pissed off and trying not to be ungrateful for what i've got but it's difficult because MAN does the family who's letting us stay here make me want to commit crimes. love them to bits but we have. vastly different needs and views.
✩ just like. imagine being a grandparent who is constantly like "are you guys eating enough? do you need help?" while making food that you have been informed your grandchild's husband cannot eat for Health Reasons, and then getting upset that your grandchild gets irritated about the fact you're offering them food their husband cannot eat. she's trying but it's just. frustrating.
✩ got the flu for the first time ever and it knocked me on my fucking ass for almost two weeks, still sort of getting over it almost three weeks after the symptoms fully stopped. when i say i literally lost 10 pounds i couldn't afford to lose i am serious. i couldn't eat fucken ANYTHING it was horrible
✩ have a flight booked to get out of state on Feb 10th!! + have job interviews set up already, so things are looking up, busy packing and cleaning up and making sure my husband (and best friend who is staying with us) will manage to survive without me as i am the only one with Real Life Adult Experience out of the group for a lot of reasons
✩ and i think that's it? idk there's been A Lot and i don't feel like getting into it in detail at this point lmao, it'll edge way too close to me venting
✩ anyways i'm still offering commissions!! just now it's more "pay what you want" because i certainly have time to write i just have trouble working on stuff that's For Me at the moment lol
#rhysie.txt#rhysie talks#personal#sorta#anyways no for real hmu if you want me to write somethin for you#you can just throw $5 at me along with an idea and i'll write it#... generally speaking at least like i at least gotta know the source material
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Strike me down, Morty.
Had a whole week to sort out how I feel and what I think about this season and the finale. Can I just say no wonder things felt off.
I’m honestly surprised at some of the reactions people had, some were angry at Rick - rightfully so, myself included, even if was the lie came from a noble place, kind of. And only kind of because Rick could just not deal with Morty thinking he was boring and disrespecting him like that, so he made Rickbot take his place.
The way my stomach dropped as soon as they landed on the 10nth floor broh I was not kidding about that lol Yup, “Betrayal on all sides!”
And then there were others who were upset at Morty for some reason.. ? //scratches head// Dudes, he’s 14 and has been severely messed with!
And I also saw some people say this episode is proof Rick does not care about/love Morty. Which is just not true, it’s just not. We’ve been shown time and time again that the man cannot LIVE without him! The thing is that we’re past the point where it doesn't even matter anymore. Don’t don’t get me wrong. I LOVE Rick to pieces but I am not blind to any of his toxicity, nor do I try to justify it... most of the time.
The thing is, however, that it’s so easy to feel sorry for him - but at what point do you draw the line? And then to think oh how sweet it is that Morty will follow him despite everything. Yeah, he would! And yeah it’s sweet, but let’s not forget Rick exerts a terrifying amount of influence over Morty, whether consciously or not. Rick cultivated this dynamic, so I can’t fully get behind the whole thing of “choosing Rick.” Does Morty have a free will at this point? Unless the writers can convince me otherwise, I have Doubts.
So then the appeal of Rickbot becomes easier to understand… I mean how sad it is that Morty was willing to die with the version of Rick that was only 22% nicer, a non-person - a concept at that point of how things could be. This is how you know how bad things are.
And Rick’s unnecessarily cruel remark afterward; “Better tend to your little toaster.” You cannot tell me the man’s insides were not turning.
Also:
“Strike me down, Morty.”
“I’m not striking you down.”
“Strike me down, Morty. I’ll-I’ll become a pile of clothes like that old guy.”
“But you’ll die. You’re drunk.”
“Here, I’ll-I’ll do it myself.”
“No!”
My stomach did the first sickly little lurch because this scene was a bit too much like a fic I read the other day, I had to pause it because wow that fic fucked me up. And yes, the story had Rick trying to self-end himself via Morty because of... reasons. But in the show, this hasn’t been the first time Rick goaded Morty into killing him, but this felt so much worse tho bc of the jarring mood swing. One moment we were happy slicing fruits and having fun and the next is “strike me down, Morty.” said in an entirely too eager tone. I was Upset, hm’kay? And i hope this isn’t some foreshadow into the entire series finale because that is going to break me.
This being said, again, don’t get me wrong! I love this!! I love how messed up the whole thing is now and suffering through it. Truly curious to see how Dan, Justin and the writers move in the next season.
Should the situation be “fixed”? I mean yeah it’d be nice to see a good resolution that didn’t feel rushed, but idk maybe some things in life don’t necessarily need to have a happy ending. They just are.
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I know It’s 500 or less but your ‘he is not dead.’ piece awakened something in me. the prose was so striking and the last bit of ‘write a fucking will’ was chilling to the bone. tell me everything all the little details you could possibly spare I cannot watch carrillo’s last episode without thinking about that fic honestly
Thank you! 🥰 and sorry it took so long for me to respond.
fic commentary below!
He is not dead, and so you laugh. Sudden and ugly, like someone ripped it out of you, all teeth no relief, God, and in public too—in public too. A closed door to this room of half a dozen, but anywhere your President is, that’s in public. You can feel his eyes on your now, all their eyes, their concern, and for a moment, you can feel that you have slipped on the curb, but you’ve not yet smashed your nose into the concrete.
For this person and in this world, their first reaction to monumental good news—good news both personally and professionally—sounds like joy but doesn't feel like it. Honestly, I have way more thoughts on this reader character than made it explicitly onto the page. I feel like this introduction to them characterizes them as someone not accustomed to good news and not accustomed to showing emotion. Aaaaand of course I wanna tip my hat to the Carrillo/Reader dynamic, which ends up being ambiguous in some ways (in terms of what it actually is—is it a full on affair? is it one sided?) but completely unambiguous in terms of Reader's attachment to him.
For a moment, all you can think is, he is not dead, and in the crackle of the radio you can hear the bright savage clarion ring of a trumpet call. We are here, we are hunting. The dogs have been set loose and their slavering jaws hang half-open as they skim the wet cold ground.
This reader has a lot to do with the political class of Colombia at the time, the elite who all sort of married each other and went to the same schools and became politicians/journalists/policymakers/writers and idk, obviously I'm making this observation as an outsider, but it seemed to me in reading about many of these figures that on one hand, shit was very real in the sense that many of them died due to their involvement in politics. On the other hand, they were just doing what their families had been doing for years previously, which is try to increase their power and exert their influence over the country. In that sense I wanted Reader to parallel Carrillo in the sense that they were very ambitious and had a vision of what they were doing, but also I as a person don't....idk. Reader is probably involved in some fucked up stuff, or at least providing cover for it.
HOW DID I GET HERE.
Oh yeah! The vibes on Reader. That's why I chose the trumpets and hunting as a metaphor, it feels simultaneously like a class signifier and also visceral and ruthless, with a note of vicious glee.
Laid out in neat photocopies, one for each person, is an obituary for Horacio Carrillo, written out by one of Escobar’s more eloquent lackeys, possibly even Vélez. It’s like her, the language. Nasty and undeniably elegant, a letter written in cursive to come here and have your teeth knocked out one by one with a little hammer. It has all the details, the time and the place, even the name of the sniper who killed Carrillo—who was meant to kill him.
The obituary thing I took from history, although I jazzed it up a little. Escobar really did send an obituary to one (or more than one?) of the people he was trying to intimidate. It's been a hot second since I revisited the research so idk which person it was but I think it was a journalist from El Tiempo???
Anyway I just found it chilling.
Sniper shots are a tricky business. God bless a sudden lift of wind. God bless the widow of the man who had been standing beside him, the woman who has taken that bullet that was meant for you. It makes you lightheaded, all the things she has taken from you, the things she will have to do that you will not. The funeral arrangements, the thank you cards, the handshakes with his living friends, trying not to resent them for living. The low crushing sensation behind the breastbone when she has to break the news to his mother, fearful that if her grief cries out unchecked, it might break forth something worse in you—this is not your burden. Your shoulders are as empty as they have ever been.
I feel like Reader's seen a lot of this up close and personal with some colleagues and friends, which is why their vision of the future they just escaped is so detailed.
But then, wait. You are not his wife, either.
The others are staring at you. None of them are fools. Distantly, some part of you is cataloguing this, as it catalogues all threats. President, Vice Minister of Justice, hell, even a General—especially the General, come to think of it, for he once commanded Carrillo in direct operations—all of them have seen you laugh, and they will not misunderstand it, and they will not forget it. But they are all pragmatists, and what’s one minor outburst of unacceptable emotion compared to your day-to-day utility as right hand to the Minister of National Defense? Perhaps if you shrink in apology, they will accept it as a slip and investigate no further.
You do not shrink. You bare your teeth, still weightless, the joy of it blinding every other consideration, as if you’ve just stared at the sun.
Reader has absolutely no call to be this personally emotionally invested in Carrillo's survival, and their reaction is so notably bizarre that it indicates inappropriate emotions to the extent that if they don't steer themselves back onto course, it might even impact their job, because the last thing these guys need is two key players in the drug war having an affair. But...skskskskssksk Reader's actually feeling the relief now, and the weird vicious joy, and it's a high they're not used to handling either. So we're entering big Fuck It territory.
“They wrote an obituary,” you say, remnants of laughter running through it. “When will they learn?”
The President exchanges a glance with Eduardo, and you know, you know, you will hear about this before the end of the day. But even with the joy subsiding, you cannot bring yourself to care.
“Before you come for Carrillo,” you say, “write a fucking will.”
I can't even lie, the whole fic was written and the whole Reader character's personality was reverse engineered so I could have Reader say that line and mean it.
Random last thought: I left the nature of Reader's relationship ambiguous on purpose. I think what matters most is that Reader and Carrillo are so similar in their drive and their emotion and the utter commitment of their enmity to their enemies and loyalty to their friends that even though Carrillo doesn't literally show up in the fic, I hope the small-r reader, the person reading, understands that Carrillo and Reader have a sort of unspoken sympathy and understanding with each other whenever they work together, and that that's the basis of Reader's attachment, and.
And they'd be absolutely terrifying people if they were real and I probably wouldn't like them, honestly a;lsdkfjajsdkfj but because they're my characters, I love those vicious bastards very, very much. <3333
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Actually I'm gonna send another au ask (I hope u don't mind XD) I kinda wanna know whats up with "Spider Puppet" (the design rules so much) and also any other fun facts you have about AltThatcher/Puppet from Unholy Gift?
NO I DONT MIND AT ALL
ALSO H E L L Y E A H SPIDER PUPPET!!!!!!
his name is technically "the puppeteer" because haha symbolism CFVGBHN
so fun fact about puppet, he was made to not be able to have any sort of weird flaws other than his pure form. however, overtime puppet just got like. reeeaaally pissed at gabriel because half the time he's not even in full control of himself. he is literally a puppet to gabriel.
so he just bottled up a lot of anger, and his spider form didn't truly emerge until ruth escaped. so he was just extra pissed at that point. so pissed to the point he grew his hair slightly longer and formed 4 extra arms and 6 more eyes. anger issues paired with technical daddy issues can do a lot to a man SDCFVGBH
but he can use his extra limbs to climb walls and shit so that's cool. and fucking freaky. LIKE. F R E A K Y. ESPECIALLY SINCE HE LOOKS LIKE A VERY FUCKED UP THATCHER WHILE DOING IT.
and oooooo fun facts!!!! :DDDDD
was made by gabriel to be a sort of "perfect alternate". he would have no flaws when mocking a person's appearance, making him the least detectable and would only be able to further gabriel's plans. this however backfired when he realized that puppet couldn't actually mock personalities and for the fact that puppet eventually tried overthrowing him. whoops.
is associated with the color pink!!! specifically a dark pink to contrast thatcher's lighter green color. also to be complimentary to ruth's yellow while still contrasting by being assigned a darker color.
was actually the alternate that made cesar kill himself. and since cesar's conversion to becoming an alternate, they have been literally best friends. cesar takes a lot of his personality from puppet.
was ALSO one of the alternates that played a part in mark's death. he was the one shot by mark too. the technical real cesar was there too, but he just did the voice stuff as well as the phone call to lure mark to the torres house.
this is probably gonna be taken out of context by proshippers so listen to me VERY CLOSELY. he THOUGHT that he had a crush on ruth for a while. i just think this is a funny concept so it's here. DO NOT TAKE THIS AS ME TRYING TO SHIP!!!!! they would be in an EXTREMELY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IF THAT WERE THE CASE, in which they technically ALREADY ARE due to puppet literally mentally, emotionally, and physically tormenting ruth by keeping her in her own home without any means of escape without some sort of very cruel punishment. PLEASE PLEASE do not take this the wrong way.
continuing from the last one since i hopefully set that straight: puppet probably went to six all like "BRO IM IN LOVE HELP WHAT DO I DO" and six is just like "um. idk man you're not supposed to feel that stuff. and i haven't felt love since i became an alternate lmao gl w that". he does eventually realize it was only a weird side feeling of being obsessed with becoming thatcher, so he was probably just like "i must be besties with her or else i am not thatcher, but i am him so i'll be fine" and he just completely misread his own feelings. mostly because he's not supposed to have them but yeah :/
kinda hates tiffany. they only hang out with each other bc they cannot tolerate any of the other alternates other than cesar and adam. so they kinda just deal with it LMAO
his hair is kinda supposed to look like horns!!! like lil devil horns :DDDDD yes i took that straight from my old william design shut up CFVGBHNJ
uuhhh yeah that's kinda it for now! i hope you enjoy as another alt thatcher fan :3c
#mandela catalogue#the mandela catalogue#puppet/goliath#vol 333 alternate#evidence reel#tmc unholy gift#abuse mention#thank you for letting me talk abt this man i am so insane over him <33333#a2t#station interviews
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@deadgodjess yeah I thought I was done being peeved about this but I just spent a full forty minute yoga session unable to think about literally anything else. starting a new post because this one has gotten unwieldy but for anyone just joining us this is the tl;dr:
sorry it’s a day later and I’m still thinking about how dirty this godforsaken show [Gotham] did the riddler. why did you have to give him such a tacky ~ooooo mental illness is SCARY!! uh oh I killed my girlfriend by aCcIdEnT!!~ origin story when it would have been infinitely funnier for Ed to just run some numbers re: how many cases would actually get solved without him and come to the completely justifiable conclusion that he can absolutely get away with quitting his job and turning to a life of riddle-based crime.
I'm going to offer my alternative for what I, personally, think would have been a more fun Riddler buildup across Gotham's 4.5 season run. I am absolutely not seeking feedback, this is a thot exercise meant to be enjoyed by me, myself, and maybe like three people that I trust on this hellsite.
anyway having our boy Ed abruptly jump headfirst into the shallow end of the homicidal maniac pool was executed in a way that was not just wildly ableist but also mmmm dumb and boring as hell and really ripped away a lot of opportunities to use this character in a more interesting way, and by "more interesting" I cannot emphasize enough that I mean "ways that I think are funnier."
if I'm being totally honest I think producers/execs whoever got nervous about the show's continuation and insisted on pulling the trigger on Ed riddling out before season one ended in the hopes that having another Batman villain active pre-Batman would help build a little more railroad for this awful show to keep careening along on. this has to play out via the manifestation of a fucking evil alternate personality because, frankly, up until this point Ed has been characterized as pretty much a total sweetheart with absolutely zero ulterior motives and possibly the only brain cell in the entire Gotham City Police Department. he is literally Just Some Guy with hamfisted autism coding and a fondness for riddles who regularly gets dismissed and bullied by his colleagues, all of whom I wish would die in a fire (except for maybe Harvey Bullock because he's really the only man bringing any kind of eye candy to this show, but we're not here to talk about that).
what I'm getting at here is that the writers had a really great opportunity to spend a few seasons showing us how life in Gotham gradually wore down a man who was one a friendly and law-abiding colleague of Jim Gordon's into a little freak in spandex who cannot stop trying to one-up a man dressed as a bat. he actually could have been a compelling foil to Jimothy, whose whole deal is that he's somehow managed to remain The Only Honest Cop In Gotham despite years of horseshit; building on the relationship between the two of them and exploring how their paths eventually diverge could have been really cool and yes, I will be drawing on that in my posthumous script doctor.
as long as we're talking about the Riddler and basically everyone else in the show sans Selina (and... sort of Poison Ivy, idk, I don't like the in-universe age lift and I don't want to contemplate it too much) I think it's stupid that Gotham is basically setting up a universe where all of Batman's iconic enemies are actually more like a bunch of middle aged assholes that Gordon already has decade-old beef with. it's dumb but it's also what I have to work with because if we tweak things any further to make Bruce and all of his future rogues teenagers together I think we're just remaking Riverdale.
sorry we got a little lost in the weeds there, I wasn't originally planning on making that and I don't want to admit how much time I wasted on it. anyway after a little "oh boohoo I'm just a poor little guy I can't believe I did murders" Ed's pretty much straight to bugfuck crazy murdertown with every other villain on this show. everybody on Gotham is like two seconds away from committing homicide at all times except for MAYBE Bruce; pretty much every recurring antagonist is a kill-happy maniac and most of the one-off villains of the week are as well. even the Penguin gaslight gatekeep girlbosses his way through a truly staggering number of people in the first half dozen episodes alone. what I'm getting at here is that dropkicking the Riddler straight into the same mold isn't just ableist or lazy - it's also the very worst thing that writing can be, which is FUCKING BORING. what if, god forbid, we had one rogue bringing a different kind of sauce to the party? in this essay I will -
season one: my pitch here is actually so simple, because I literally just want to keep Ed's characterization the same for the entire season. no abrupt slip and slide into stabbing and/or choking people to death, just a weird little dude who's around and good at his job and has a little mug with a question mark on it. he shows up once an episode for two minutes to crack the case wide open and tell a riddle and the remind the audience that he's around. "yep, that's the Riddler," they'll say. "no need to give him a violent split personality, I know where this is going and I am indeed capable of waiting for that payoff."
season two: now at this point you might be saying "Makenzie wait - is your pitch going to assume that the original storyline of Gotham is otherwise proceeding as it did otherwise? because that's going to get pretty impossible pretty fast if the Riddler has a drastically different personality/role in the show." yeah hey listen man. listen. I don't give a shit about what actually happens in the show. I give a shit about the Riddler. don't ask about this again. this all takes place in an AU where Gotham is a competently written show; I know that's sort of a stretch but bear with me.
anyway season two is when we can start getting some cracks in Riddleboy's chipper little exterior but for god's sake, let's deploy a little subtlety. probably he needs to start getting bullied more - possibly because he's notably friendly with Jim and easier to bully than Bullock, Jim's only other friend. anyway, this is how Ed learns that sometimes fucking people over is okay, actually. nothing drastic, just manipulating evidence here and there to ruin the day (and then career) of some of the biggest assholes in the department and bolster his faves (Jim). I cannot emphasize enough that the first half of the season has to be about this man realizing that most of his coworkers are VERY DUMB and EXTREMELY EASY TO MISLEAD.
come the second half of season 2 we get to see him getting a little too cocky, which will ultimately lead to his downfall. tl;dr being smarter than everyone is fun but still doesn't solve the problem of nobody else noticing or caring that he's smarter than them, and it's really starting to rankle. this will be the point when Ed upgrades to like. full sending his own boss cut-up magazine ransom notes and shit making demands to try and steer the GCPD more efficiently. there are, obviously, subtle little riddles embedded in these letters, but Gordon is the only one who will notice because Gordon's the protagonist and gets to notice things. this will end in a big confrontation, whatever, he's not going to turn Ed in because he believes Ed was genuinely acting in the interest of flushing out dirty cops, but he's also a little bitch so he IS going to tell Ed that he'll turn him in if Ed doesn't resign. Ed goes quietly and with a frankly unsettling amount of glee that someone was finally smart enough to solve one of his little puzzles. personally I love when the Riddler won't really look at or acknowledge anyone who won't play his silly little games I think that's so fun of him.
season three: the first half of season three is actually by far the most fun for me because it involves Ed a.) doing the Riddler thing where he tries to be a private detective for a while and b.) getting mercilessly bullied by all of Gotham city for a bit. you can fill in the specifics of the goofs yourself but suffice to say he's just a plucky little guy investigating some weird ass shit and still getting dumped on a lot in the process. our boy is going to have to learn to get a little unscrupulous.
it's vital that during this half of the season Jim comes to him at least a couple of times to ask for input that frankly none of the useless sadsacks at the GCPD are qualified to provide now that Ed's gone, because they're all doing the equivalent of that John Mulaney bit where they look at a corpse and go "ew! clean it up!" instead of gathering anything useful in the way of evidence. for some reason that I can't QUITE put my finger on it seems important to establish that Jim Gordon is willing to work alongside people who are operating a bit outside the law as long as he believes their intentions are good. and listen - Ed will genuinely help him! but he is also absolutely going home and idly jotting down notes for how he'd get away with exactly the crimes he helped solve.
the second half of season three involves him getting nabbed by Someone and pretty much extorted into helping them work against the GCPD on account of being a former employee who knows exactly how they investigate. what ensues is a series of crime scenes that have an abundance of fake evidence designed to lead the cops in circles that go nowhere - UNLESS you piece together some extremely abstract hints being hidden there, because Ed is sincerely making an effort to alert his old GCPD chums to what's going on. except, oh no, the stress of being held hostage is getting to him and he is SORT OF starting to enjoy how good he is at this and also beating his head against the wall in frustration over how fucking stupid literally every single one of his former colleagues is. he'll get rescued (by Jim) by the end of the season but god will he be bitter by then.
also I said he was being forced to work for Someone and it truly could be anyone in this horseass show but like. come on. it's Penguin. the rest of canon can go to hell but it's so important to me that Penguin still wants to fuck the Riddler so bad it makes him look stupid. it's just hands down the funniest thing that happens in all of Gotham and I wouldn't change it for the world.
season four: alright so Eddie boy starts this season trying to go to therapy about his whole kidnapping and probably PTSD thing but we the audience will realize very quickly that he's getting twitchy and is just purposefully playing with like. MULTIPLE different therapists and giving them all wildly different information to see if he can get each of them to give him different diagnoses. he has absolutely no idea why he's doing this except that it's fun and he evidently can. this man is living on the knife edge he's so sweaty and gross and he wants to do crime again SO bad and is really running out of reasons why he shouldn't.
if this show were written by people I could trust I'd say we could actually do a really thrilling mental health(TM) storyline here focusing in on Ed getting increasingly manipulative and ruled by compulsive behavior. I'd say the crux of his arc in the first half of the season is Jim convincing Ed to check himself in to some kind of mental health facility for his own wellbeing - probably Arkham, since it seems to somehow be the only mental health facility in Gotham despite the fact that it appears to be patterned on ghoulish 19th century sanitariums more than anything. anyway, this lasts approximately one day before Ed disappears from the facility and leaves an elaborate riddle behind, thus ending his arc for the first half of the season.
second half starts as a straight up revenge plot against Penguin because I love when these awful little homos fight with each other, but Gotham being Gotham I think a bit of an emotional roller coaster can ensue. Penguin can definitely convince Ed to ease off and work with him as more of a partner for a bit, but I still want this Riddler to be a murder lite contrast to most of the other villains in the cast so I think that will be the point of contention that ultimately drives them apart. the Penguin CANNOT stop lethally girlbossing; it's his first love.
anyway after that Ed's just fucking with the GCPD for shits and giggles because fuck 'em, am I right? he's definitely got the whole question mark suit Look going by this point; hanging out with the Penguin for too long changes a man.
season five: god I don't even know; there were only 12 episodes and one of them was for the flash forward. he tells some shitty riddles and probably gives Gordon one final helping hand but in a way that benefits him, firmly securing his status as "sometimes useful, always a bastard." all that really matters this still happens to him. this is the last we see of him, dangling next to Robin Lord Taylor in just the least convincing fake gut I've ever seen in god's green earth.
anyway sorry this got so long I'm genuinely appalled and disgusted with myself. I have problems!
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It’s CMA-
I’m not feeling 100% so plz bear with me if this is shorter than usual. I’ll probably add on later
Also hope ur doing better from last time we talked❤️❤️❤️❤️
So I’ve read a few books on developmental trauma and we talk about it in class sometimes and we talk about the hyper-/hypo-arousal that they go through and the issues with emotional regulation and how easy it is to throw them off their axis, and I feel like you’ve portrayed that very well in this story.
Like the way that she’s either at stress level 10000% or completely shut down and there’s very little in between. Or how the it’s very unstable- every little thing throws her off her axis.
And of course the anxiety and paranoia of everything going wrong at any given moment. It’s this thing with people who’ve faced child abuse that they learn to always be on guard because they never knew what was going to set off their parents, so they’ve learned to overanalyze every little thing and we see that a lot with clover.
We also see some negative distortions, or “bad thinking habits”, such as spiraling/catastrophizing, black and white thinking, etc. which I think that you’ve written very well.
Idk I think I’m just really in love with the way that you’ve portrayed the trauma and its long term effects on her, how difficult it is to get over that, how it permeates every part of her life, the coping mechanisms that were really necessary for her survival, etc.
There’s actually a lot of brain studies on what’s called toxic stress- I’ve probably brought this up before- and how it completely rewires your brain, but I don’t think the data can properly convey the emotion of it like you have with this story.
I actually wouldn’t be surprised if the feeling that clover was describing about shutting down her emotions and everything was actually related to not only hypoarousal and repression but also some dissociation. The brain has trouble dealing with chronic stress like that, and dissociation (which includes depersonalization and derealization) is actually a response to prolonged high amounts of stress.
The hypoarousal is actually more common in situations in which the situation feels inescapable, which is common in children. Many people overlook it because they assume that all anxiety manifests itself as panic attacks, but when it comes to kids hypoarousal is very common.
It’s the whole ‘fight or flight’ idea, which pretty much all researchers agree should be ‘flight, fight, and freeze’ in terms of survival mechanisms (including against trauma). If you’re confronted with something like a bear, your first option/thought is almost always to flee the situation (same for pretty much all living creatures with “basic instincts”), then if you cannot flee then fight, and if you cannot do that, then to freeze. Freezing is a last resort because you cannot do the other two options. It’s a last resort, sort of helplessness like playing dead.
(humans are unique in that we can overcome our fight/flight/freeze response thanks to executive functioning, but that is impaired in children with trauma. This isn’t really relevant, but I always thought it was interesting. It does however take a lot of work to do so; it’s difficult to rewire your brain, esp as an adult, so how your brain gets wired as a child does have a huge impact on you, which is what we see with clover)
Okay sorry as you know when I get started talking about developmental trauma I can’t shut up. Onto other stuff:
Josie putting Anthony in his place: fuck yeah you go girl
Clover calling out Anthony about Charlie: fuck yeah you go girl
(aka fuck Anthony he’s been an oblivious ass so far and he needs to redeem himself)
Teddy is going to have three homes with three times the toys in the span of like a month lmao good for him
Clover’s aunt and uncle looking out for her 😭😭😭 also ben and Charlie and Josie and Bess and Andrew and teddy and everyone else doing the same🥺 she is so loved and she doesn’t even realize it💔💔
Man clover keeps passing out. First in her garden and now this lololololol
I’m so worried that when her parents show up, they’re going to reveal her trauma to everyone in the ton, or at least the bridgertons. That’s so horrible and retraumatizing to clover and I’m worried that even if she starts accepting her feelings and healing that she’ll be too fragile…………………
Okay going back and speaking of clover not eating and passing out, I haven’t eaten today and it’s 3 pm so I should go do that Lmfao. I just love talking to you so much that I always forget/put it off on saturdays (it’s not ur fault btw I woke up at like 2 LMFAO fuck spring forward)
Okay love u lots. hope ur well❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
OMG CMA DARLING! 🥰
I hope everything is alright! Are you okay??❤️
Aw I'm so happy to hear that I could portray it well❤️ I think especially when it comes to spiraling and anxiety, we will see just how it can affect Clover in the following chapters❤️ She never acknowledged her trauma or even talked about it with Benedict or anyone really, so she thinks repressing it will make it easier for her to handle it but it won't at all❤️
There’s actually a lot of brain studies on what’s called toxic stress- I’ve probably brought this up before- and how it completely rewires your brain, but I don’t think the data can properly convey the emotion of it like you have with this story. Excuse me while I cry, this is such a wonderful compliment darling! 😱🥰❤️ Aaaaaaa I'm so glad to hear this! ❤️
I agree with you on the dissociation thing and we will see an example of it very soon! Clover is very used to adapting like...zero emotions expression when she's scared and Benedict will witness it soon❤️
Wait I didn't know that, I thought everyone had like...either fight or flight or freeze response depending on person not that it was like a gradual reaction of the sort! 😱 That's very interesting!❤️
I LOVE LEARNING ABOUT THIS SO MUCH! ❤️❤️
Loll Anthony made a huge mistake, talking down on Clover in front of her feral overprotective big sister ❤️
Teddy will have such a happy childhood! ❤️
Oh when her parents shows up... That will cause so much angst, I already have some scenes in mind for it and you will absolutely love it 😏
OMG GO EAT SOMETHING RIGHT NOW 😱❤️
Honeeeey thank you so much for this! ❤️❤️ ILYSM, I hope you feel better soon! ❤️❤️❤️
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I’m not strong enough to read something by you based on the last five years, that musical absolutely kills me every time I listen to it. To imagine Cass and aemond 💔💔💔
It’s so sad. And fuck Jamie fr. I really hate when people are like ‘but Cathy was jealous of his success’ as if that compares to Jamie cheating on her then leaving her. Ok anyway here are some songs from the show that are Cass and Aemond coded to me. Also yes… i prefer the movie soundtrack to the stage play version but both slay
This song is so them. Cass can see the red flags, she feels something is off… but it’s Aemond. I actually like the idea of this being while she’s pregnant with Daella. The sort of flow of marriage is gone, Cassandra is scared to what is to come. But man she loves that man
I don’t know what industry yet but I like the idea of Aemond being a creative. A writer, a poet, a composer, a painter idk. Maybe them meeting after he has been essentially given an ultimatum by his father: get serious or no more money (honestly Alicent probably wouldn’t let that happen but the threat is enough to anger Aemond)
Now I’m torn between what Cass does in this universe. I do sort of like the idea of taking from the djats au and making her a fashion designer that never got to reach her potential while married. She’s more than likely a stay at home pre divorce. Two creative sounds fun to me. They bond over that
:((((( im just gonna present the song
Gaslighting masterclass. I can imagine this in their universe. Aemond almost admonished Cass for not being the same woman despite her molding herself was for HIS benefit. He was fine with that for some time but now that it affects his bottomline he doesn’t like that. This is def post alaric, Cass more than likely has postpartum, Aemond is at the height of whatever job he has. And yeah she does resent his success 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
Ok so Cass and Aemond def meet in college or when they in college. This is the first time she’s away from her parents, and like yeah she loves them. But the life they live seems like her worst nightmare. Her mom would never paint it that way but Cass imagines the things given up for their relationship… and then BOOM she gets mom’d.
“Often father and daughter look down on mother (woman) together. They exchange meaningful glances when she misses a point. They agree that she is not bright as they are, cannot reason as they do. This collusion does not save the daughter from the mother’s fate.”
But she thinks she can do so much better… and during this time Aemond is better 🥲. And the end ‘we can do better than that’ :(((
One person is at the end of the relationship, the other person is the beginning (or in this case thinks there is more to do). They are just so disconnected, Cassandra finally feels like she has the courage to leave.
I sort of already have the scene where she tells him she wants a divorce (ok so like they go this fancy event or dinner thing, daella is at a friends out and alaric is with grandmother or aunt or uncle. They come back home.. have sex which is not a great decision on Cass’ part. She eventually tells him…. Chaos ensues :/)
#some other songs would work too if I included the cheating#but I don’t want to#writing ideas#I think shiksa goddess could be fun too#idk the Hightowers being Jewish kind of slays to me#but only in this context#it would be weird… and borderline discriminatory in the context of the show
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idk if you are into tarot cards but I've been thinking about which tarot card fits which character in ons & putting aside the obvious sun moon star world, I think the devil card really embodies guren while the temperance is so shinya in his life & mahiru being the tower to him. If you get time to look up the meanings & what these card means to one another then I would like to know your thoughts even if you associate other cards with them I am interested to know your views as you always come up with angsty gureshin analysis I love reading them. :D
hellooo! :D sorry this took so long, but my knowledge of tarot cards was essentially zero so i had to do some research. i read up on the three you mentioned and then also on the sun & the moon because they did pique my interest as well. and i like your thinking!
just looking at the card of the devil itself is already enough to link it to guren. it represents your raw instincts and giving in to those pure unfiltered desires. the balance between good and evil. that's very guren. he has a pure heart, he has noble goals and yet there was no choice for him but to fall into darkness to achieve them. there is no way for him to be simply "good". he could not walk on the right path because he was too human. (there's also two people, a man and a woman, depicted at the devils' side, said to have fallen under his magnetic presence. and if you take that less metaphorically than it's meant it is absolutely hilarious)
now when you actually get that card in a reading, it means that there's some form of negative presence in your life that you've fallen victim to and don't think you can ever free yourself from. most of the time, this means addictions, bad habits or relationships that hold you back from becoming what you're meant to be. i wonder who that could be! but what else stood out to me here was that "with The Devil, you are choosing the path of instant gratification, even if it is at the expense of your long-term well-being". okay. give in to that weakness now and suffer tremendously for the next nine years. yeahhh.
the temperance represents patience as well as staying grounded and calm. knowing your path, knowing the outcome and being at peace with it. and yeah, shinya is definitely that levelheaded counterpart. stay human, stay weak and accept that it will kill you. stop struggling, stop fighting. "bound by the earth and natural law" - "but it's not like i could break free of my human limitations and become some sort of god". (i think it's also cute that the person on this card is an angel.)
... and then the tower is just absolute chaos. realising suddenly and horrifyingly as everyone he loves does that his path is a lie, it cannot be treaded, and he is pulled onto mahiru's road of insanity. he is questioning himself, his beliefs and his purpose. although i can't quite bring myself to agree with the "it's for your highest good" part. the tower says you will suffer but come out of it stronger and better. yes, maybe mahiru's path will lead guren to his goal, but it really is questionable whether it will all have been worth it in the end. the guilt will never leave him, his relationship with shinya is fucked even if a miracle happens and they make up somehow, and pretty much everything mahiru has done to those around her to get this far is irredeemable. so i'm a little split on that end. i wonder how the story will handle it... if at all with the speed we're going at.
i also like the sun and the moon with their naïvety and repressed feelings, but you're right, those other three do fit better!
this was a blast. i hope i didn't interpret anything the wrong way :>
#most of the time i was actually staring at my phone blankly trying to come up with a coherent thought it was quite difficult#take my mush!#owari no seraph#seraph of the end#shinya hiiragi#guren ichinose#mahiru hiiragi#sorry for liking shinya too much. sorry
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so i love laszlo, i would say he’s constantly fighting with guillermo for the spot of my favorite character on the show, and i just wanted to say thank you for bringing up the jack the ripper thing, it irritates me so much for so many reasons. as you’ve said, it was irresponsible on a meta level to include that joke and imo disrespectful as well. it’s doubly insensible irt the text itself bc laszlo does not have the character traits required to be capable of that (he’s bawdy sure but he clearly finds sex to be a beautiful thing!! why would he use it to harm and terrorize vulnerable women!) AND it doesn’t make sense chronologically. laszlo and nadja immigrated to new york in the 1860s i believe, the ripper murders happened in the 1890s, long after laszlo had promised he would never return to england. how would he have been there! i’m sure laszlo, nadja, and nandor came and went from the house as they pleased but i’m certain an absence like that would have been noticed. it’s just. EUUGGH. i’ll be the first to say laszlo is flawed and he’s clearly still unlearning a lot of stuff from his massively fucked childhood but like? no? his whole thing is he left england bc the ppl he was hanging around were being bigoted and xenophobic/classist to his wife? why would he be committing crimes that were a direct example of a mentality rooted in english classism and misogyny that made the murderer consider them to be less than human. he has some form of moral code, as skewed as it is. i HATE this joke with every fiber of my being and i hate that the public consciousness around these murders is not that they were uniquely horrific and should not be appropriated to be used in this manner.
sorry for taking a while to answer this, anon, yesterday was pretty rough for me, from a chronic/mental health standpoint, so I decided not to inflict myself on those around me. lmao
but yeah, I fully agree with all of this. I feel like the ripper jokes feel really tonally off from the rest of the show and don't match the characterization or timeline that ended up emerging as the show found its footing. some of that is the way that jack the ripper has been culturally separated from his actual crimes (which... I do not think is a good thing) and some of that, idk, might have been growing pains with the show...? I really don't know.
I have a lot of complicated feelings about true crime and the way we societally talk about serial killers anyway, but yeah, I would agree that jack the ripper has a uniquely weird spot in our cultural lexicon as like... almost a charming, mysterious serial killer? when the actual crimes were absolutely abominable misogynistic attacks against one of the most vulnerable segments of society. I think there's a dehumanization of the victims there that... idk, really bothers me. he's not a fictional boogeyman, and it bothers me when people treat him like he is because that relegates his victims to a sort of equally fictional facelessness. I hate that.
all that is to say... yeah, I cannot reconcile the actual historical ripper with laszlo for basically the reasons you've outlined here, and that's why I have to kind of headcanon those jokes away. I don't tend to be easily squeamish about dark subjects, but those jokes legit bother me.
like idk man there's fictional murder and there's real murder and one's a lot funnier than the other!
#replies#wwdits tag#a friend of mine was murdered several years ago#and the case became fairly public#and let's just say that the internet... made things a lot worse#and I try to keep the way that made me feel in mind every time I see a real-life crime case hit the news#bc I never want to make anyone else's loved ones feel like that#so uh... yeah a lot of complicated feelings about true crime in general#but the way we talk about jack the ripper specifically is SO strange#like he's a cryptid or something instead of an actual serial killer#like bro he's not bigfoot he's just some guy who REALLY hated women
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Do you have any hcs for your stanarrator? :D In somewhere else and orbiting bodies! I just finished reading both and was curious, I love hearing authors thoughts, no pressure to answer hehe ^^
oh man ive got so many its not even funny holy shit. gonna put these under a cut bc i can talk for days
so im not gonna go super into like. serious headcanons for somewhere else stanarrator because honestly a lot of it is plot relevant and i dont wanna spoil too much about whats upcoming, but ill happily dump a bunch of fluff for them before moving onto orbiting bodies bc honestly theyre two Completely different creatures
idk if im gonna go into it in the story but i consider somewhere else nar to be agender! he chose the body he did just bc it felt right, but has no strong opinions on how hes referred to. in the game hes referred to himself as an 'it' before, and so prior to his humanization that was all he was. might have him play around with gender presentation later on, especially if i can have him and micah bond more since theyre also a flavor of nonbinary, but ive already got enough bonding shit between the boys and the seguras that i might save it for a side-story oneshot thing, idk
stanleys love language is listening and acts of service. narrators is gifts and words of affirmation (if he can ever get over himself and also learn what Feelings (tm) are)
aksdjfs so one of my most popular posts is about nar getting into tabletop games to work on his control issues and not to spoil anything but... that is exactly whats gonna happen at some point. that post was literally me rambling out of context abt story planning, its hilarious to me it escaped containment. but yeah one of his problems is letting a story develop naturally, letting the characters do their own thing and seeing where it goes; he gets so mired in the details of the plot, that he forces the characters into doing actions that would be considered out of character, just to keep things moving along the way he thinks they should. in the parable, where he was god and stanley was the only player, it was easier for him to railroad and thats one area where bitterness cropped up. in the real world, with multiple players playing their own characters and no real power over their fates? itd be good for him to be able to tell a story collaboratively, to indulge in what he loves and was essentially made for, without it messing him up or him messing others up through it
nar is the epitome of britishness at first glance. except. he cannot drink black tea. the tannins give him a headache, he discovers to stanleys endless delight. stanley meanwhile is so immune to tannins he can chug black espresso straight and its horrifying for everyone to witness thank you for coming to my ted talk
alright and now for orbiting bodies :>
first off, im saying this here and now, and im gonna try my damndest to work it into the next installment whenever that comes out but this version of stanarrator isnt romantic and wont be. we need more aros that fuck, and while theyre undoubtedly important to each other, you can be close and intimate without it being romantic in nature. so yeah fuck your best friend go crazy its fun
blame royce for sticking this phrase into my lexicon but these two are absolutely constantly engaged in a rabid switch fight. i mean have you HEARD the countdown monologue? yeah orbiting bodies narrator is sub as fuck but this man Will dominate stanley at some point. very soon ehehehe
also, since nar was the one that made his own body, he has full modding capabilities over it. this means he can make it look and act entirely how he wants to, including messing with the parts of it and swapping them out. this is a surprise tool that will help us later
oh oh and sort of tangentially related to that: while he obviously does feel everything thats done to his vessel and experiences things from it from a first person pov, its not Him. doodlingbot had a similar thing crop up in their blogs canon, but what im talking about boils down to this: if anything were to happen to the body, like, say, it getting pushed off the cargo lift, thats not the end of things lmao. at any point nar can sever his connection to the body, including severing specific things like physical sensation. then its just a matter of loading it back in, good as new and then proceed to smack stanley good for being a little shit lmao
anyways yeah. im not good with headcanons that arent plot relevant but have fun! might add more on later if i think of them :>
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