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peach-pops · 4 years

Text

Kuroo’s Secret Relationship

Request: hello👉🏻👈🏻 i had a vision and i cant tell if this is dumb or cute but IMAGINE kuroo and his karasuno manager gf at training camp but nobody knows theyre datin so they just keep it a secret so during the camp they try to find time to meet but if one of them is free the other one is busy. so during sleepy time she gets up to like poo or sumn and kuroo suprises her but she didnt know it was him so she punches him but then she feels bad and the next day everyone thinks he got in a fight I LOV U❤️

Author’s Note: Thank you for requesting!!! I am a total simp for Kuroo idk if you guys can tell. This is just a cute little scenario and honestly, I’d let Kuroo punch ME but that’s none of my business. ALSO requests are still open, I’ll close them once I reach a certain amount.

Kuroo watched from afar as you talked amongst some of his teammates that were practically drooling at the pools of your feet. He knew he wasn’t being subtle at all as his eyes raked up your figure but he didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

You two had been dating for a while but you both thought it would be important to keep your relationship a secret for the time being. Kuroo didn’t want to make it seem like he would be putting volleyball as a second priority to his team and you didn’t want it to look like you were fooling around with one of Karasuno’s “enemies”.

It was fun sneaking off behind corners for private makeout sessions and sharing secret glances towards each other but as Kuroo watched you get blatantly hit on in front of him, he felt like he was losing his cool.

The worst part was that since the training camp started, the two of you had no alone time and it was eating away at the both of you. You felt like you couldn’t even smile at Kuroo when he did really well against your own Karasuno without exposing your relationship and frankly, the two of you were both at your wits end.

“ You’re making it obvious,” Kuroo turned around and looked down at Kenma, who’s attention was on his gaming console,” just go over there.”

Okay, Kuroo wasn’t supposed to tell anyone but Kenma was an exception. The two had been friends for so long and Kuroo trusted him with his life, plus Kenma was never the type to gossip.

“ Are you seeing this? They’re practically undressing her with their eyes! I can tell from here that Lev is into her just from the way he’s standing,” Kuroo kept his gaze on you as you let out a laugh and even though Kuroo didn’t hear the joke, he knew your laugh wasn’t even genuine,” I might actually kill them, would you help me bury the body?”

Kenma sighed as he continued to keep his attention to his game,” You’re hopeless.”

“ We would need to dig a bigger hole, Lev has a pretty big head,” Kuroo mumbled as you excused yourself to step away.

As soon as you turned away from the boys, your smile dropped and Kuroo could visibly see how annoyed you were with the conversation.

It made Kuroo feel better that you didn’t like getting hit on but it wasn’t like you could stop them, they all thought you were single. If they would’ve known you were dating the captain of Nekoma, their advances would stop but that wasn’t an option at the moment.

You looked over at Kuroo and your whole demeanor shifted. You gave him a big smile before you looked away and pulled out your phone to text him.

Y/N: pls tell me you saw that- i couldn’t wait for that conversation to be over, lev and yamamoto are going to be the death of me

Tetsuro: trust me, they’ll wish they were dead once im done with them

Tetsuro: r u free rn? I checked this morning and the janitors closet is unlocked maybe we can sneak off to have some alone time ;)

You looked up from your phone and up towards Kuroo who had the biggest smirk on his face. Before you could text back, Nekoma’s manager announced that Nekoma was next up to play for court two.

Kuroo groaned out loud, of course the universe was against him.

Tetsuro: im sorry baby, maybe later tonight then?

Y/N: that’s fine - good luck!

You watched as Kuroo put his phone away and sent you a quick wink before heading over to the empty court.

For the rest of the day, you two hardly even had the chance to share a glance between each other. Whenever he was playing on a court, Karasuno had their own match and whenever he was free, you had manager duties with the other girls.

Even during dinner, you were so busy running around doing last-minute tasks before bed that Kuroo never got to say goodnight to you. By the time you finished, Kuroo was already in bed snoring away with his teammates.

In the middle of the night, you woke up to Tanaka kicking you in his sleep and in retaliation, you grabbed your pillow and swung it over his face.

Tanaka only grumbled and flipped to face the other way, still in deep sleep whereas you were now wide awake. You rubbed your tired eyes but as you tried to fall back asleep, all you could think about was how dry your mouth was.

You contemplated on getting water before you sat up from your sleeping bag and walked out of the room silently, trying your best not to step on any of the sleeping boys. Once you shut the door behind you, you made your way down the hallway to the water fountain in a tired manner.

You weren’t terrified of the dark but the thought of going down a dark hallway at a school you weren’t familiar with was unsettling to say the least and you wish you brought your phone for some light.

When you reach the water fountain, you bent down and as you started to drink the water, you felt like something was off. Before you could turn around, you felt something touch your waist and every hair on the back of your neck stood up.

You whipped around and when you saw a tall and dark figure, your first instinct was to scream and swing your arm out to defend yourself. You made contact with the figure and once you heard the groan, you knew exactly who it was.

“ Tetsuro! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, you scared me! Are you okay!” You said as Kuroo held his cheek in pain.

He couldn’t believe you had actually punched him but he was even more surprised you landed a good punch in the dark,” See baby, I told you taking those boxing lessons would pay off but damn, you punch hard.”

“ You know you can’t sneak up on me like that, I’m jumpy!” You sighed as you squinted to see Kuroo’s face in the dark,” what are you doing up this late?”

Kuroo kept one hand on his throbbing cheek as the other reached down to pull out his phone,” I texted you to meet me in front of the janitors closet cause I wanted to have some quality time with my beautiful, sweet, girlfriend who I thought would never hurt me but instead of kisses, I got socked in the face!”

You knew Kuroo was only teasing you but you felt so guilty. You wrapped your arms around his large frame and pressed your face into his chest and apologized in a muffled tone,” I’m the worst girlfriend ever.”

Kuroo let out a laugh as he weaved his fingers through your bedhead and planted a kiss on the top of your head,” Don’t say that. If it makes you feel any better, you could always just knock out guys who try to hit on you now.”

You smiled up at your boyfriend as he took the chance to lean down and kiss you softly, his hands wrapped around your waist to pull you closer to him.

Kuroo smirked against your lips as you moved your hands up to lightly tug on his hair,” You know, the janitors closet locks from the inside.”

“ Are you suggesting we have sex in a dirty closet? What if someone walks by and hears us?”

“ Get your head out of the gutter, I never said anything about sex,” Kuroo acted shocked as he tucked a strand of hair before leaning down to whisper in your ear,” unless you think you can be quiet for me.”

You rolled your eyes as you grabbed Kuroo’s hand and led him into the janitors closet right beside the restrooms,” Whatever, we both know you’re the loud one.”

“ We’ll see about that kitten.”

The next morning, Kuroo went to practice normally but not without weird murmurs from his teammates. At first, he thought his secret was out and maybe you had left hickeys across his neck but it was an entirely different mark that he had forgotten about.

“ Woah, buddy, did you get into a fight? I’m pretty blind but I’m pretty sure you didn’t have that bruise at dinner yesterday,” Bokuto said in awe as he tried to touch the large bruise that was on Kuroo’s cheek,” that is a bruise! Akaashi, come look at this!”

Kuroo swatted his hand away and used his phone camera to get a better look at his face. Turns out, you had punched him way harder than he had initially thought.

Kuroo couldn’t even think of a lie in time so he tried to reveal as little as possible,” Who am I going to fight around here?”

“ I don’t know...has anyone seen Lev?” Akaashi asked right as Karasuno entered through the gym doors.

“Kuroo! Did you kill Lev? You can be honest with me I wouldn’t tell a soul!” Bokuto shouted loudly as a few heads turned in their direction.

Your ears perked up once you heard Kuroo’s name and as you turned to look over at the boys, your heart immediately dropped when you saw the bruise you had left Kuroo.

Without thinking, you dug into one of the coolers and pulled out an icepack, even though it was a little too late to ice it down.

You rushed over to Kuroo, not caring that some people had their attention on you as you pressed it against his face,” That looks really bad, I’m so- um what happened?”

“ Kuroo killed Lev!” Bokuto teased as Akaashi gave him a stern look that quickly shut him up.

You sighed as you looked up at Kuroo and bit the inside of your cheek before whispering softly,” I think we should tell everyone before you get in trouble. You know Nekoma has a no-tolerance policy for fighting and I don’t want it to be a rumor that you got into a fight with someone.”

“ I know, you’re right but can we wait until the rest of my teammates get here?” Kuroo asked as you gave him a confused look,” I want them to be jealous just for a bit.”

You shook your head with a smile as Kuroo placed his hand over yours that was holding up the icepack,” Okay, just for a bit.”

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saintobio · 3 years

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I'm eating sandwich on our dining table while reading chp 5... My heart went-💔 when I know that Sera will be there and-(gosh I can't type his name now IT HURTS) he's looking for her this whole time and then when he's trying to put those shoes on her-😭💔 I run to my room just as mc running away from them not to witness how sweet they are (also to hide my sobbing face from my family here😐) (╥﹏╥) and thank goodness there's Toji my ghhaad-😭 I was screaming internally that he should take y/n far away from that man, take this pain away, forget that husband lmao... But then surprisingly, this husband does care for y/n because he didn't leave y/n side til morning and that's... Unexpected or just to show his goody sides😐 then Sera showed up and I-😐 can't wait for the husband's pov and some hidden explanations🙂 this chap is mixed of emotions... But I'm ok2 here🥺 truly what a wonderful writing and chap again ai-san~💛 thank you sooo much bby now take a rest and stay safe there~💛

Anonymous said

omg, reading the sn update was such a rollercoaster !! sobs

it would be so cute if toji & y/n got close and she becomes the cool, fun aunt or friend (?) for megumi—is it okay to ask how old he is in this series?

++ with their friendship, i’d imagine that y/n would always be like, “wow, it’s really not that obvious.”

then toji would fall for it every time and snort, saying, “what, that i’m almost forty?”

then y/n would reply, “no. that you’re just thirty-five.” LMAOOO

pls i just wish she gets a confidant along the way 🥺 she deserves the world honestly pls she’s so precious!!! hrhfhrhf. thank you for the update, btw! this silent reader right here enjoyed it a lot. 🤗.

Anonymous said

you probably wont understand this but caralho sincerely not ta fazendo eu ficar biruta de vdd

your writing is sooooo good fr i just woke up at 3 in the morning and rn its 5 in the morning and im so auhahahwuuwuqhshsihsjsbbsjshdiwheh because of sincerely not

Anonymous said

I was holding up fine with the shoes fuckery he pulled but omg him calling us "attention seeker" REALLY fucking hurt me so much lmao. Imagine the next time we actually have much sharper, stabbing chest pains which are more frequent and also last a bit longer and WHEN satoru starts actually caring a little and asks if we're okay, we just go, "oh this?? The doctor said it's a severe case of me attention seeking ^-^ Don't mind me baby, you go chase your happiness! :)))" (THAT TOO WHILE IN PAIN) - ⛈

Anonymous said

i hateeee ongoing fics i swore id never read them because the waiting makes me go insane or i forget to read updates but since i discovered u, i literally just cant stop myself from tuning in every single fic—even if its a character i don't usually simp for 😭 i love ur work sm omg

@chaveisa said

i just binged what you have of sincerely not so far and all i can say is i’m in so much pain. you are quite literally one of my favorite writers on this platform and you wreck me so bad with the angst but it’s all angst i love. truly love how you’ve written gojo in this one and can’t wait to see what you have in store!

ps— i found you through wastelands and when i tell you i was wrecked for a solid week >~< truly keep up the good work bb🖤

Anonymous said

ohhhh the asks are open 😳 i just wanted to say that sn is a fuckin masterpiece. reading the latest chapter (about that the shoes that princess diana wore) i really think that y/n-gojo- sera situation is similar to diana-charles-camilla's story. oof i really hope that isn't some sort of foreshadowing cuz EYE-🚶‍♀️💨

Anonymous said

hmmmm i love me some good heavy angst gojo fics.... BUT WTF WAS SINCERELY YOURS HOLY SHIT I'VE JUST READ IT IN ONE SITTING AND NOW MY NOSE IS CLOGGED 👁️👄👁️

@juniorhooter said

FR im scared to start Sincerely Not,, i still have wounds from Wastelands and idk if my heart is ready. Like im seeing all these ppl mad at gojo. I haven't even read it yet, and im mad at gojo. I dont fully know whats happening yet but get with #WeHateHoejoSlutoru and #WeLoveTojiFushiguro. I'll read it eventually... soon... maybe, if im feeling self-destructive. But in the meanwhile, good luck to everyone else going through the turmoil :))

@blossomingwaifu16 said

OMG THE ASKS ARE OPEN AGAIN!! My friend sent me Sincerely not (beacuse she knows I'm a masochist and love hurting myself- 💀) and damn! it did not disappoint- also reading it made me realise how petty I can be 😭 like everytime Gojo was being mean to the mc I'd be like "fuck you gojo your girlfriend is way nicer then you I'd rather fuck her bitchboy" and that's coming from someone straight 💀 but in chapter 5 I was like "fuck ya'll I wanna be single again-" IT WAS A ROLLERCOASTER of emotions and I'm here for it! And oh boy the scenarios I have in my head to make gojo suffer 😈. Anyways I love the writing and could I please be added to the taglist!? I've been meaning to ask but your asks were closed 😊

3rd anon what does that mean jssndj but omg thank u guysss aaaaa i’m sorry i’m unable to respond individually as i also have lots of asks to answer still but i appreciate ur messages <33 i enjoyed reading all ur reactions so far!! :’)

also, all taglists are full! i’m sorry.

#saintobio.asks #series: sincerely not

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ttlmt · 4 years

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I just watched the final google feud vid again and IM CACKLING why is it so CHAOTIC?!?!! I honestly cannot even handle it like the looks they kept giving each other AHH I’m soft. And the way Phil kept leaning on Dan’s arm? And Dan’s goblin gargle? And how it gets progressively more obvious that they’re not even trying to play the game any more? And the singing in UNISON? And the fact that they both seem high as hec? And how crazy Phil is acting? Like damn Philly. If you have anything to add(‘:

LITERALLY wtf happened to them while they were in Canada. every video they filmed here was insane but ESPECIALLY the final google fued.

like dan “live your truth constantly and you’ll be fine” and phil “you get up to a lot when you’re not tweeting” like we’re not even 30 seconds in and dan gives him That Look (i swore i giffed this before but i can’t find it so i know what im doing later oml). phil’s weird anecdotes? he probably dreamt them? dan is so done? and dan’s face when he says he’s cultured? and phil roasting him? and THE SECRET FOLDER BIT! (im sorry im not getting screengrabs of all this i just woke up and im too emo to make a coherent breakdown post) they’re just having so much fun in and the whole room service debacle? and like surely they couldnt get MORE chaotic and then BOOM. and remember when everyone thought phil slapped dan’s ass?? we had a field day that day we were so wild oml (we didn’t appreciate 2018 enough). dan’s face on real guesses (okay im gonna do one screengrab look at this shit and also phil for the lolz)

like maybe they weren’t drunk before but they def had something with dinner cause dan’s just out. of. it. and they’re literally debating about whether to play the game or be funny and like thats a dapg mood (rip) MEN CAN BE MILKED IS IN THIS VIDEO TOO WTF. fuck it have another one

the shameless spons? the yelling? the fact that their arms are like attached through the whole thing like YOU ARE IN TWO CHAIRS YOU ARE PROFFESIONALS YOUR CAMERA COULD GO WIDER THIS WAS A CHOICE. idk what happens to dans voice when he’s talking about drawing the dog but i would like it to happen more.

THE FUCK IS THIS

jesstina... she’s weird right?? is anyone else LeAvINg the EU? phil: i met someone who hates ice cream. dan: WHO IS THIS PERSON like hes so persistent and phil just ignores him like the toddler he is and then distracts him with the next topic. why do they call it dabbing? okay maybe i don’t miss 2018.

why do they call it spoons? wtf phil

dan screaming when phil skips the answers. phil shushing him cause they’re in a hotel. dan’s valley girl voice. phil mocking him for it. how do you make someone fall in love with you? dan: SHUT UP (okay we get it you have a soulmate yall fell in love at first sight or whatever we can’t all have that smh)

HOLY FUCK I JUST DELETED THIS WHOLE POST BUT TURNS OUT YOU CAN UNDO THINGS YOU JUST TYPE SO CTRL-Z TO SAVE A LIFE

alright back to the breakdown.

phil’s so stressed and dans so giggly and this whole thing is a mess. phil saying sTupId the friggin attempt at all or nothing at the end and dan just vetos that shit. and i always say this is my fave video but after watching it again i know im right ty

#ask #anon

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amazingorangedangantrash · 4 years

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The only ending everyone seems to ignore is v3 because it’s just... it’s just a mess.

How do feel about this game survivors? And do you think that everyone woke up from the simulator or tv show like sdr2 or only the survivors?

Hoo boy...

Honestly nonny, having only finished the dang thing yesterday I... don't know.

(I kinda went off into a spiel, so feel free to skip to the part where I talk about survivors and what I think happens next)

I understand the mixed response a LOT. I mean- I see what they were going for. The 4th wall break was cool, and the (sorta?) reappearance of past characters was pretty damn awesome. I like that the creators are definitely self aware- and there's a kind of 'learn to laugh at yourself' sort of thing.

On the other hand it can almost seem a little too mocking?

I get the whole yaknow. 'Fictional characters are aware they're fictional and rebel against their creators' thing but- like-?

As I mentioned before, thing is, Tsumugi is not us? We aren't exactly intentionally cruel? There's a BIG difference between the kind of fiction in our world and in their world.

What does Tsumugi call it? "Real fiction"?. Yeah- thing is- we don't have that. We don't have the technology for it, and I certainly hope we wouldn't abandon ethics for it either!!! We can't have 'real' fiction, because in our world, all fiction is fake! The closest you have is fiction about real people, perhaps, but- that's not even remotely the same thing?

So it does come across as a little... um- preachy.

We're supposed to represent the audience but... like- the audience fucking suck! What was that they said during the argument armament? "This guy should have died instead of Kaede!" Like- fucking hell. Imagine saying that to someone, who can HEAR you say it, and who's MURDER you could potentially watch unfold before your very eyes as a result of YOUR actions. I mean- look how empathetic some of us are to ACTUAL fictional characters. Could you imagine if we were in a similar situation to the outside world in V3???

Maybe it's because I keep imagining the v3 cast as like- sentient AI, instead of "just fiction". Because I can't imagine anyone being so sadistic or apathetic otherwise.

So uh- yeah. I don't... know how I feel about that. It's not- very satisfying?

With sdr2, the whole "none of this is real, the killing game is all a lie, you're in a fake world!" felt like a relief ! Whereas here it's more like- "what?? It's all fake? What the hell was the point then?!"

"Nothing matters!" vs "nothing matters..."

The whole HOPE VS DESPAIR, FUTURE VS PAST thing worked, because, well, it's something we can all understand. We have all felt hope and we have all felt despair. We've all, at some point in our lives, felt stuck in the past, unable to or scared to move on.

(Hey- some of us still feel like that now, even).

The first game was very simple- hope and despair. Still relatable, but fairly basic- effective to set up the foundation for the follow up.

The second game made things a little more complicated. Sometimes it's more complicated then just- choosing between Hope and Despair. We refuse to fall into Despair, but we can't just blindly have Hope.

So we choose the Future. We can't promise it'll be a good one OR a bad one. But whatever happens- we need to move on. The only way we can make things change is by making that choice, to create our OWN future.

V3 felt very... complex. It started to get kind of... uh... philosophical? And- don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with that. It just... it kind of shifted from TRUTH VS LIE to FICTION VS REALITY. And whilst the latter definitely sounds interesting- I don't really know if I liked the direction they took with it-? I wish they'd kept the focus on TRUTH VS LIE a lot more.

(Fiction and Reality are like extensions of Lie and Truth but- only to a certain extent? Really?)

It's kind of harder to get into the final fight in V3 because... what are you fighting? The outside world? I mean- I can't speak for the rest of you, but as far as I'm aware I'm not a fictional character.

(If I am- then wow someone's a reallly bad writer huh?)

I can relate to Hope. I can relate to Future.

I can't relate to Fiction.

I THOUGHT maybe the message was a warning of the dangers of escapism ('please dont go as far as to erase your own personality just to be a part of a type of fiction you like' definitely seems fitting for this fandom)- but the message "fiction has the power to change the world!" kinda contradicts that. I mean- I do like that message, but- I don't like the idea of a series about killing games being heavily influential-!

The whole problem was that people grew so obsessed with the series that they threw away their lives! Is that not the point you should be focusing on-!!!!

The outside world in this universe fucking sucks. So they changed their mind, big DEAL! that's not comforting knowing they let this shit continue for 53 seasons-! I mean, maybe Makoto and Hajime were all 100% fictional, but at some point they started putting real people into these games, and everyone was ok with that!

I just-

I'm glad Shuichi got through to them at last but...

Someone said something which resonated with me- "in a vacuum, this is good". Like... on it's own, I thought the ending was great! It was entertaining, for sure. And the whole concept and stuff was unexpected and interesting. You gotta give em points for originality.

The problem comes with it being the 3rd game in a series. (Ignoring UDG I mean-). When a series becomes a Trilogy, you gotta make it good. This is presumably the last game in the (main) series too. And- after the UTTER NARRATIVE DISAPPOINTMENT of dr3- can you blame people for wanting more? People fell in love for THH and SDR2 (and UDG even if its not part of the main series) for a reason- and, for me at least, a biiiig part of that reason was the continued storyline. The last chapter of sdr2 was the hypest shit EVER. when you see glimpses of the previous game bleed into this one, only for it to turn into what's like- a full crossover???? The previous game isn't just mentioned, it's a straight up sequel!!!! I had absolutely no idea Makoto and co would return (i thought the games were separate) so when i saw that they'd be interacting with the new cast- yoooooooooooooooo-!

Hell, even seeing alter ego again made me go WILD.

V3 plays upon these expectations, and subverts them, but... not necessarily in a good way? You- kind of feel cheated? (Idk if you're an avengers fan, but- it's like expecting *Endgame* and instead getting...

Well- Endgame).

The ending isn't bad persay it's just- not quite what one would expect? I can definitely understand why people are disappointed. The problem is, instead of standing alone, you can't help but consider it as part of the series. Individually, I don't think the ending was that weak or bad, but in comparison to the series as a whole?

Meh.

SURVIVORS

(Oh my- I really got off track, oh dear. I'll- get back to what you asked now.)

KEEBO

W H Y

They rllly gonna rub salt in the wound huh?

(Whilst i dont dislike the other survivors, there are a LOT of people i really really wanted to see make it to the end, and it's just the final god damn nail in the coffin to kill off the last of the few characters I came even close to liking the most-)

Killing keebo was dumb

Maki- I liked Maki quite a bit! She's a bit cold, yeah, but I warmed up to her after hearing her backstory.

I found it annoying (if understandable) that no one trusted her at first. I thought it was sweet that her, Kaito and Shuichi had this friendship trio. They really trusted each other- it was very refreshing. I also love me a strong girl. Her romance thing with Kaito was a little... forced. I'd have found it more meaningful if they kept it more subtle/ambiguous (though i suppose they needed smth to use against her in the final trial sooo-).

Himiko-

I-

*sigh*

Ok I'm going to say this once, and once only.

Someoneonthedrteamhasabigthingforlolis

OK! I SAID IT- AND IM NEVER SAYING IT AGAIN

No judgement here of course. Just. Uh. Y-yeah-

(I'm mainly kidding of course, idek if Himiko counts as a loli but-)

I mean... I'm not... the fondest of very small, childish girl characters (Saionji intensifies). I like a bit of childishness in a character but- i mean- it depends.

(I'll never recover from the "seductive whisper" thing from the love suite event

Never.

Never ever.)

Himiko comes across as like An Actual Child at times and at the start it was VERY annoying. Surprisingly, I warmed up to her eventually. I knew in advance she'd be a survivor so i kinda thought "well she's gonna stick around so might as well try to like her". I do appreciate that she underwent a character arc too, and it was sweet to see how she became a more active, determined person. I wish it hadn't taken Tenko's death for her to finally start changing but whatever. She is quite a cute character and after a while became more endearing then annoying.... (for the most part).

Was she in my top 3 picks for a survivor? No.

The top 10 even?

N-no-

I'm glad she's still alive though. SOMEONE damn well needs to be.

Tsumugi- ah. She's not a survivor, is she? I knew well in advance she was the mastermind so I didn't really warm up to her all that much during the final chapters, for obvious reasons.

Shuichi- if shuichi hadn't survived I think that would have been the breaking point for me, honestly.

Overall- uh... they aren't... the ideal picks. Shuichi is the only one I really wanted to see survive, I was neutral towards the others. Tbh I was just happy anyone was alive by the end of that.

Waking up- for the sake of my sanity, I like to think that after the survivors wake up, they threaten to sue and/or maim the shit out of the dr team if they don't start on reanimating their 'dead' friends right fucking now. Surely they gotta keep their consciousness' somewhere in those memories banks right? I mean- what if they ever wanted a "surprise return from the dead" plotline? Surely they gotta keep em somewhere? Right?

Whether or not they reawaken as their in-game or pre-game selves, who knows. Whichever you prefer, I guess. Maybe a mixture of both.

#ahdhsjsjsj #i am Tired ^tm #this makes me sound more disappointed with the ending than i am djskshsjs #im not actually as salty as i sound ok i promise-#im just naturally pessimistic #ironic coming from a makoto stan but wygd #v3 #rambling #thoughts #my post #anon #long #jajakdjsjs i went overboard again oops

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horansqueen · 5 years

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 30

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

- note for this chapter: idk, i feel like its a bad excuse for a chapter. especially the ending. im sorry for the bad writing.

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 30 : His chapter

NIALL

I had been in denial for so long that when reality hit me, it hit me hard. After the conversation with Louis, I went back home and locked myself in for a few days. I didn't try to call anyone, and didn't answer the door or my phone either. I needed time to think and I ended up watching comedy movies for days without really focusing on any of them. It was crazy to always think about the same person, to wonder what they're doing or what they would do or say if they were here... but it was happening to me. It had never happened to me before.

I would spend hours laying in bed with my eyes open, thinking about the conversations Olivia and I could have and have had before. So many things became obvious now that I knew she had feelings for me, so many of her words or actions made so much sense now... and some of mine, too.

I had thought about her sexually for a few weeks now but it never crossed my mind that it could be love. Not because it was not, but because it was easier for me to believe it was lust.

I started thinking about so many things we went through, so many things we lived together, so many times we were there for each other. I didn't have that many memories with anyone else and it's only when I realized that I wanted all my memories to include her that it hit me. I loved her. I was in love with her.

Why did it take me so long to realize that? Why did it take her so long to admit her feelings to me? She said she had always loved me and I couldn't even begin to guess how she must have felt all these years.

My reaction to her confession was pathetic. It was fear and when I admitted that to myself, I started writing. At first, it was only a bunch of words thrown on a napkin at a bar but with time spent on my piano, it became something that was potentially worth turning into a real song. I had never written a song that deep in such a short period of time and when I decided it was done, I was not sure what to do with it.

I was not proud to say I ended up in a bar a few times, searching for a girl to meet and bring home but every time I was close to do it, I would run away. There was a reason why I couldn't have sex with Maya and the same reason stopped me from banging a random girl I didn't know... and I missed that reason. I fucking missed her.

I had never been as nervous as I was then when I saw her walking behind Louis and sitting at the table. Seeing her after two weeks without any contact with her was refreshing. She looked exactly the same, she looked exactly like the girl I was in love with. There was nothing I wanted more than find a way to apologize to her, to prove her that I was sorry and that my feelings were real. I was not the type who would display or expose my feelings but I knew that this time, I had to go big, if only because I felt like I owed her. If paps and online articles wanted to talk about it and post pictures, then whatever. She was more important.

I didn't care about everyone who stood up when I was done singing, I didn't care about the clapping and the cheering. I was only looking at her and she was crying. She walked up to me and I cupped her face, wiping her tears with my thumbs. I don't know how many times and for how long I kissed her but I didn't want to stop. It was completely different than the first kiss we shared when we were teens. In fact, it was completely different than any other kiss I've ever had. Was that too cheesy to say? She tasted amazing, a mix of expensive beer and candies, and I couldn't believe I had waited that long to discover that taste.

"I love you." I whispered against her mouth, deepening the kiss very slowly, making sure I would feel everything. "You still love me, yea?"

“Don’t be stupid.” she replied, just as low. “I always have and I always will.”

"Me too. I always have, and I always will." I answered, my grip tightening on her jaw. "I was just.. a fucking idiot. And a blind one at that. I hope you can forgive me."

She suddenly seemed taller and I noticed she got on her tiptoes, her hands moving from my wrists to my hands on her cheeks. My eyes opened and her lips curled into a fond smile as my gaze traveled on her face.

"That song forgave everything."

Her words made me smile and I suddenly relaxed, realizing that I was still scared. I was scared she had given up on me, that she didn't trust me.. that she didn't love me anymore. She could have changed her mind, she could have given up on us, I could have lost her... but she was still there, even after all the pain I put her through, she was there, ready to give me an other chance that I wasn't sure I deserved.

"I promise I'll write you many, many more."

Once again, I brought my lips back on hers, wondering if it would always be like this, wondering if I would get addicted to the taste of her mouth, or if maybe I already was.

"Okay, okay guys, it's time to drink."

I groaned in her mouth when I heard Louis' voice and moved away slightly before sighing.

"Fuckin' Tommo." I mumbled with a grimace before my eyes fluttered open again.

Olivia laughed and got back down on her feet but when she turned around to go join our friends, I found her hand quickly and squeezed her fingers. It was not the first time we held hands but it felt like it because this gesture meant more than it ever did before.

"Livi, hey." Louis said, pushing her mug on the table. "Aren't you glad you spent those five minutes on your hair now?"

She started laughing and I frowned with a smile at the inside joke I didn't get. I turned to Louis and raised my eyebrows as a question, making him grin.

"It's nothing, Neil, but you should have seen your girlfriend's hair when I knocked at her door." Louis explained, making my heart jump in my chest. "Priceless. And I said that 'cus no one would have paid for that."

My eyes found Olivia's and I didn't have to say anything. The fact that she was now my girlfriend had hit both of us at the same time and I was blissful... like intoxicated by the realization.

"You should see her when she just woke up." I pointed out, sending Liv a smirk and finally turning back to Louis. "A real mess."

"Really?" he replied with a thick accent, glancing at her. "I bet you can't wait to find out what her sex hair looks like."

I didn't expect that answer and choked slightly on my beer. Louis laughed, slapping my shoulder in a friendly manner, and left to get something else to drink. I finally sat next to Olivia and leaned my elbows on the table, turning my head to look at her.

"Are you okay with that?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"With what?" she frowned with an amused smile. "You and Louis laughing at my hair?"

"No," I chuckled. "With being my girlfriend."

Her smile turned into a shy one and she looked down chuckling sadly and shaking her head.

"Niall, being your girlfriend is what i've always wanted." she explained low.

I used two fingers to move her chin up and make her look in my eyes. She looked just as vulnerable as she seemed when she admitted her feelings to me but this time, I was not going to run away. My eyes roamed on her face and I licked my lips.

"I'm so sorry I've hurt you all these years." I apologized in a whisper. "I love you, real love."

Her smile came back, more gentle, fond and endearing than ever, and my heart twisted in my chest. I didn't want to ever hurt her anymore and I was going to do anything I could to keep her happy.

"I think we should leave, it's getting late." I proposed when I realized she wouldn't answer.

She simply nodded and we said our goodbyes, thanking out friends for their support and finally getting out of the too crowded bar. Instinctively, I gripped her fingers and pulled her closer, moving my arm up and making her twirl around. She giggled like a kid and it made me grin. She looked up in my eyes and I knew I didn't have to say anything. We reached my car and I opened the door for her but she tilted her head and frowned.

"Are you sure you're okay to drive?" she asked, worry in her voice.

"Yea, no problem, I only drank a beer." I answered with a shrug.

She sat in the car and closed the door as I did the same but when I glanced at her, she had her eyebrows raised and a small smile on her lips. I loved her facial expressions, I always have. She was the funniest person I knew.

"What?" I asked with a smile too.

"You only had one beer?" she questioned. "One?"

This time, I chuckled and raised one of my shoulders, bringing my head closer before shaking it. I knew it was unusual for me and i couldn't blame her for being surprised.

"Yes, one." I repeated with an other chuckle. "I wanted to be sober for the song but when it was over I drank one. So yea, it was the only one."

She smiled fondly at me again and I just knew I was going to get that look very often from now on. Perhaps she looked at me that way a lot, I just never really noticed before. Or wanted to notice.

"Thank you."

"And also, I couldn't let you clumsy ass drive my new car." I joked as she hit my arm lightly, making me laugh even more.

I started the car and we drove around town in silence. The night was cold and it started snowing, bringing a magical vibe to the moment and although I knew she was not a fan of winter, I could see the happiness in her eyes as she watched the snow fall slowly. It's only when we were close to my house that I felt her hand on my thigh. I thought i'd stiffen at her touch but it was the complete opposite : it relaxed me in a way I couldn't explain, not even to myself.

We got out of the car and walked to the front door still not talking and I closed the door behind us. I knew I didn't have to explain anything, I just glanced at her and smiled.

"Grab a few blankets, i'll join you."

She just nodded and I reached the kitchen to make some tea, adding a cloud of milk in both and going through the sliding door of my kitchen. She was sitting on the small bench, staring up, her shoulders covered with a blanket and when I handed her her favorite mug, she turned to me and smiled. I sat next to her and grabbed a part of the blanket to cover my shoulder too and put the beanie she handed me on. We stared up in silence, just watching the snowflakes fall and cover the ground, and in that moment, everything was perfect.

"So everyone was right." I broke the silence, turning to look at her. "About us being more than just best friends. It was... written in the stars, or something cheesy like that?"

I raised my eyebrows with a small smile and she shrugged, tilting her head. She looked pretty with one of my beanies covering her head and an old scarf I hadn't worn in years around her neck, all wrapped up in blankets as she held her tea with both hands. In fact, she was breathtaking.

"No it was just..." she shrugged in a cute way and looked away before looking back at me. "Obvious."

I bent down close to her and reached her lips with mine, and it made my heart jump in my chest. It was so weird to do that yet it felt natural. I saw her close her eyes just as I closed mine and the feeling of her mouth against mine made me feel better than I thought. I hadn't felt like that when I kissed Maya or Heidi or any of the other girls I kissed before. This feeling was different and better. I couldn't lie to myself, it was much better, so much better.

"I see it too." I murmured, my lips brushing against hers as I talked. "It really is obvious now."

---

I let her borrow some of my clothes to sleep even if we both knew she had left some of hers in my drawers. She had always preferred wearing my clothes and I had always enjoyed watching her wear them. Perhaps it was a bit possessive but the feeling of seeing her in Harry's clothes was horrible and I never got used to it.

"Tired?" I asked, putting my shirt on and turning to her.

"Not really." she shrugged, making me smile.

"Come here, I want to hug you."

It was the kind of things I could have said even before we started dating but once again, it meant so much more now that she was my girlfriend.

"Yea?"

"Yea.

"Catch me, then!"

She started running, taking me by surprise and passing right by me quickly. She was already in the hall when I started running after her, reaching my arm in front of me. My fingertips brushed against her arm and she squealed, making me laugh. She jumped on my couch and ran on it and I got suddenly scared she'd fall down but she jumped back on the floor and ran back where she came from. I ran quicker and bent down slightly, wrapping my arm around her waist and pushing her in my room before throwing her on the bed. I moved on top of her, straddling her waist and holding her wrists above her head as we were both panting.

"Caught ya." I whispered with a smirk.

"You did." she admitted just as low, licking her lips.

My gaze moved to her mouth and I dipped my head down again to kiss her. My grip on her wrists loosened but she didn't move. She just answered my kiss, smiling the whole time.

The last time I ran after her and tackled her down was because she teased me, saying only crazy girls wanted to kiss me. Now, she was the one I was kissing and she didn't seem to hate it. Perhaps, the girls who want to kiss me aren't all crazy, but I was not going to mention that. We had also ended up exactly in this position and it was right after that sex dream I had.

"I really, really want to touch you." I whispered in-between kisses.

She moved her arms and I let her, letting go of her wrists. Her hands ran on my shoulders and down my arms, but I kept kissing her for a few seconds before moving slightly away. I stared in her eyes and she bite her bottom lip gently. I had noticed that habit and i loved it.

"Maybe tomorrow, okay?"

I felt my heart sink in my chest but I smiled and nodded lightly. "Okay."

I kissed her softly one last time and got off of her to turn the lights off in the house. When I got back in my room, she was laying under the blankets, looking at the ceiling. I turned the light off too and joined her, laying on my back and staring up, too.

I knew I could wait for us to have sex and I knew it was not something urgent, even if I really wanted her, but I felt like she was a bit scared, and so was I, if only because I was not sure what she liked and what she didn't like.

"How do you feel?" I just wondered in a gentle tone.

"Better now." she whispered.

Silence again. Not an awkward silence, no. A light and warm silence that we both enjoyed.

"Did you write that song for me?" she finally asked after a while.

I knew this question had been burning her lips since our first kiss at the bar and I sort of anticipated it. I smiled, still looking at the ceiling, and brought my hands behind my head.

"Yes, I wrote it for you." I confessed, turning my head her way. "Only you."

We stopped talking again as we both tried to process what was happening between us. Now that we were laying together in the dark the way we always are, it felt real and true and once again, it hit me hard.

"You were wrong, you know?" I pointed out, still staring at her, now seeing her very well in the darkness of the room.

"About what?" she asked in a murmur, licking her lips.

I looked down at her mouth, trying not to focus too much on kissing her again and finally looked up in her eyes.

"The One Direction song that represents us the most is not Infinity, it's probably Home."

She turned her body my way and smiled, bringing her hand to my cheek. I moved my body to face her too and put my hand on her waist, feeling her fingertips brush on my skin softly.

"And Drag Me Down? Maybe?"

She smiled and I did the same.

"A bit of End Of The Day?"

"What A Feeling." she added, making both our smiles grow.

"Fireproof."

"Everything About You."

I frowned, an amused smile still on my lips, and laughed.

"What? Could you have picked an even older song or what?"

We both burst into laughter and I pulled her closer to me. She smelled good and she looked happy. Just seeing her like that made me feel happy too.

"I thought you hated that album." I pointed out, raising my eyebrows as she shook her head.

"No, it's just my least favorite because you don't sing enough." she explained, moving her chin slightly up to look in my eyes. I could feel her breath on my skin and it made me want to kiss her. Again. "I don't hate anything you do. Except... when you date extra gorgeous models. That, I really hate."

"Says the girl who dated my sex symbol of a bandmate."

She laughed lightly and the sound was incredible. Was that what it felt like to be in love? To think everything the other person does is endearing, sweet, incredible... to feel something explode in your stomach every single time you look at them... Was that what I was blessed to feel ever single day for the rest of my life?

"The truth is... The first time I kissed Maya, it was right after you kissed Harry." I had realized that a few days after Liv had admitted her feelings for me and it had been a shock. All these reactions I couldn't explain now made so much sense. "I was scared, and lost and... and I was jealous, Olivia. I was so fucking jealous."

I didn't expect it but she suddenly crushed her mouth against mine, one of her hands pressing on my cheek as her lips kissed me avidly. Her tongue slipped in my mouth and I finally answered the kiss, pulling her as close as I could and squeezing her body against mine. It was not a gentle kiss, it was rough and passionate and I was a bit scared of how turned on it would make me, especially after she said she wanted to wait before we did anything sexual. She slowed the kiss after a while and I groaned low in her mouth before she pulled away.

"I'm sorry." she whispered, her fingertips slide down my neck.

"Don't be." I answered in a low tone too. "I'm the one who should be sorry. For everything. Just... you should stop kissing me like that, it makes me want... more."

She laughed and her eyes roamed on my face as she let one of her hand slip down my chest. Her gaze never left mine but her smile fell and she started nibbling on her bottom lip. I could feel my heart throb hard in my chest and remained motionless, just looking at her and telling myself how much I loved her.

"I never said anything about not touching you." she just replied as she moved her hand on my cock over my sweatpants. "I mean, if you want me to."

"You don't have to ask." I reached for her hand and pressed it harder against my dick. "I always want you to touch me."

Her smile came back and I fought against the urge I had to kiss her. Her hand rubbed on me slowly but it's only when she slid it in my pants that I held my breath, focusing on the way her fingers wrapped around my cock. She took it out slowly and I realized how hard I was, even after only a few seconds of her touch. She started stroking me gently and I let out a groan, my eyes fluttering as I tried to keep them open. Her lips parted at the same time then mine when she jerked me off quicker and i whispered a curse word. Her thumb rubbing steadily on my tip brought me closer to my orgasm but it's only when her other hand slipped on my balls that I let out a moan.

"That time I fingered you." I whispered without thinking. "It turned me on so bad I came in my pants."

I watched the expression of slight surprise on her face and her movements faltered for a few seconds before her lips reached mine again, this time a bit softer. I groaned again in her mouth when one of her fingers slid right under my tip and I bit her bottom lip maybe a bit too hard.

"Fuck, you're gonna make me cum so hard, petal."

I could swear I felt her shiver next to me and I couldn't decide what turned me on more : her or what she was doing. With an other curse word, I felt an orgasm spread inside me and gripped the sheets of the bed hard as I came, my lips rubbing against hers with every jerk of my body. When I opened my eyes again, she was staring at me with a small smile and I grinned back at her. I couldn't remember the last time I didn't have to guide a girl on what to do to make me cum when it came to handjobs.

"I fucking love you." I breathed out with a chuckle, making her lips curl more.

"I fucking love you too." she repeated after about a minute.

We stayed in silence, just looking at each other, for a very long time until she yawned and I laughed. She looked adorable, why didn't I notice that before?

"I'll be right back."

I nodded and waited for her as she went to the bathroom while I pulled my pants back up and tried to lay down comfortably in bed. I was tired too but there was no way I would fall asleep without her in bed with me. I felt myself start smiling as soon as she entered the room again and although I thought it was a bit pathetic, I really didn't care.

"You're gonna hold me all night?" she wondered, her eyebrows raised, as I felt the warmth of her body close to mine.

I was never going to stop loving this girl. I could feel it in my bones, in every fiber of my being. She was my person, and I was a fucking idiot for not realizing it before.

"Do I ever not?"

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #my fanfics #amc #i promise more fluff and smut and drama anddddd emotions (good and bad) asap

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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years

Text

hhhhhhxh

more abt hxh bc my last post was too long n i had to split it off holla

so i left off talking abt when gon woke up....i love how polite gon is to pretty much everyone - hes such a good lad all the time. s/o to his aunt for raising him right (tho i think hes also just a rlly good boy inherently too)

also is he named gon bc ging was like ha ha im boutta be GONe lol seeya kid!!!! like ????

i find it interesting that kurapika and hisoka fought....we really havent seen them interact at all yet. also hisoka is so smirk-y i hate that bitch...what did he say to kurapika??????

this poor red shirt old guy lmao hisoka is SO clearly uninterested in fighting him and then he fucking dies. rip mdude

what did hisoka whisper to HIM??? guess we’ll never know #RIPLegend

oh mannnn if killua had just won against pokkle then he wouldnt have had to deal with illumi doing That to him :( my smug son......

leorio is such a good dude....also its so funny to me how tall and lanky leorio is, espec compared to the other 3 main characters lmaoooo

or maybe those 3 are just rlly short??? i mean gon and killua are literally 12, but whats kurapikas excuse

GODDDD I HATE THIS BIIIIITCH. FUCK OFFFFFFF tho the evil piano music slaps. but jeeeeesus illumi is so creepy and awful, and seeing him take off his disguise is not any better a second time...he and hisoka truly deserve each other wrow

does illumi have hair powers??? cause it kinda looks like it. or maybe hes just gay and dramatic

ok but the sick electric guitar riff (?) that played when illumis face was revealed was lowkey kinda hilarious

man i was so wrong abt killua knowing that that was illumi :( poor kid

killua is immediately freaking out and meanwhile illumi looks bored as hell. dude ur the worst

killua: [freaking out] illumi, completely blank-faced: hey

I HATE HIMMMM even tho his catman design is regrettably kinda cute

why do illumi and hisoka both have such snatched waists i hate this

wtf so killua has another different brother??? i assumed he attacked illumi....how many fuckgin zoldyk sibling are there?????

leorio ur too normie for this conversation lmao. also wow fucked up family huh

killua looks so like...small and helpless, which is so at odds from what we’ve seen of him so far :( this poor kid

illumi totally has some weird brain powers man callin it now

gon: wow killuas family sounds wack... satotz: oh lmao you havent even heard the rest

KILLUA ;_;

this poor baby assassin :( :( :(

IMMM INCONSOLABLE. HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS W/GON.......ARE YOU KIDDING....AUGHHHHHHHH

meanwhile gon decided he and killua are BEST FRIENDS like 10 mins after they met. GOD

like in the recap ep he called killua his best friend ;_; and meanwhile killua doesnt even think they ARE friends god destroy me

this calming classical music is throwing me off vbhjfjhbsdkgndks

i sense that leorio and kurapika are rapidly acquiring a new son

DAMN THIS IS SO FUUUUCKEDDDDD illumi is such a crusty bitch wow. leave killua alone asshole

all that stuff abt killua like, only thinking he wants to befriend gon but really wanting to kill him....that sure sounds like some ‘worst fears’ type of shit for someone like killua....illumi is such a classic abuser wow

i have 2 know is satotz like, repeating this entire conversation verbatim in a calming monotone to gon rn. like....

LEORIOOOOO I LOVE UUUUUUUU AUGHHHH him telling killua it doesnt matter if illumi is his brother, fuck that guy, beat him up as usual and leave.....ooooughhhh leorio is such a good dude ;_;

and the OF COURSE him saying the obvious - that gon and killua are ALREADY friends....i love this, i feel like leorio said all the exact things the audience is thinking...yet it still didnt get thru to killua bc hes so rattled by illumi appearing, and the abuse in general

i think if gon were there things wouldve gone much differently

of COURSE crusty bitch illumi is like oh ok now i have to kill gon.....biiiiitch i hate uuuuu

also that just shows that hes lying to killua (which we already knew obvs), bc if it were inevitable that killua would kill gon to like, test himself or w/e, then why not just wait for that to happen? that would have a much bigger impact on killua than illumi killing gon....its obvious that illumi is just manipulating him, but killua is too BSOD to be able to tell (also, hes 12)

ok bitch illumi is preaching abt not needing friends but he and hisoka are definitely fucking and theyve been teamed up for the entire hunter exam it seems.....what a hypocrite. hate this guy

god im so glad we didnt rlly get to see whatever the fuck illumi did to that random hunter examiner guy’s face. jeeeeesus. also i cant tell but i wonder if him forcing that info out of the guy was the result of his freaky mind powers or if the guy was just like oof ouch pins in me face

LEORIO AND KURAPIKAAAA THE PROTECT GON SQUAD!! and joined by new member hanzo!!! who ironically beat gon up for 3 hours str8 like, a very short amount of time ago lmao. but still i love that sm

illumi u dumb bitch.....tho i dont buy for a minute that he didnt already realize that killing gon would disqualify him...he defs just wanted to get under killuas skin even more :^(

KILLUAAAA ;_; when he goes to step back from illumi but illumi tells him not to....ughhh HATE this guy, leave this poor kid alone. no wonder he wanted to leave

illumi saying theres only 1 way that killua can stop him - does he mean by killing him, or something more specific, like some forbidden zoldyk murder technique?

‘your beloved gon’ wow gay. theyre 12 and theyre dating ok. killua is literally that kid whos like wow i wonder if gon likes me...and meanwhile gon is like wow cant believe me and killua have been dating for 3 months now

leorio saying ‘we wont let him kill you or gon’ ;_; leorio ily sm...thats like the exact right thing to say - hes offering protection and reassurance as an adult figure...unfortunately killua is clearly too freaked out to even process anything outside of illumis gaslighting and abuse

also illumi is defs doing something to killua w/his eyes via his freaky mind powers. js

illumi i hate you stop being weirdly cute. augh

classic abuse tactics, being like ha ha nvm i wasnt gonna kill gon! jk!

killua just shutting down completely after that :( :( noooo

and then he kills that old guy and leaves, ‘proving’ that illumi is right....noooooOOOO

and now we boutta see gon go FULL shounen protag for the first time, oh FUCKKKKKK yesssss

this is the first time we’ve seen gon angry oooh man and of COURSE its on killuas behalf,....im so fuckign emo already looooord

god ok the episode preview where its gon saying ‘do leorio and i look alike?’ YES U DO LOL youre father and son so jot that down

oof, gon and illumi have such fundamentally different POVs on like, family and life and morals, and you can tell by their 4-line exchange before gon does the ICONIC one-handed grab’n’fling

AUGHHHH gon saying hes gonna rescue killua....SO good...he recognizes that killuas family is wack as hell and killua shouldnt be w/them - the classic ingrained ‘found family is more important than blood family’ stuff

tho thats an interesting contrast to gon himself, whos looking for his deadbeat dad

‘but it wasnt his choice’ that so good ily gon BEST boy, hes so perceptive and good......he knows that killuas hand was forced and that he needs to be RESCUED (love that word choice) from his shitty abusive family

of course kurapika and leorio voiced complaints ;_; best parents

kurapika should be a lawyer tbh

leorioooo ;_; such a good dude, saying he should be disqualified instead

HOW is leorio a stronger combatant than that old dude hvbajufjbsja that guy had some moves it seemed, and leorio has,....a knife? a briefcase? the classic premed attitude of ‘fuck it, i could die anytime, lets do this’? like.....cmon vhabjdfjbhsf i refuse to believe this man is of any use in a fight. ill believe it when i see it

pokkle pls ur not plot-important enough to be jumping into this convo rn

tho i am curious abt what hisoka said to kurapika. tho i agree that thats irrelevant to the discussion

gon repeating satotz’s wisdom :’) and saying that killua will definitely pass if he takes the exam again...ough

gon is SO GOOD i cant get over it !!!!!!!!! AUGHHHH....recusing killua from his abusive family and making it so killua never has to see them again is like...so good. what a good good perfect boy.

also thats like, the perfect response to this. killing illumi would just start a ton of drama, and killua would be conflicted abt that....but removing killua from his situation is perfect

ok ive ranted a lot ill talk abt the rest later woohoo

PREDICTIONS:

i predict that hisoka will show up in this upcoming zoldyk arc somewhere bc illumis gonna be in it (i assume) and theyre dating. also hisoka is a central character so itd make sense for him to show up in the second major arc. tho tbh this could end up being completely false and i wouldnt be that shocked lmao

i think leorio is gonna get Big Sad someday bc hes like, so normal compared to the other MCs, and also hes suuuuch a bleeding heart (i love him....) so i feel like thats gonna lead to some sadness for him once his friends start doing crazy shit or w/e

also i predict that if he gets nen itll be like healing nen or st. does that even exist??? idk jack shit abt nen lmao

i think that illumi has hypnosis powers or something, even just based on design alone. it could defs be for aesthetic (character design in hxh is wild), but his eyes look noticeably different from any other characters. also he was doing some freaky shit to killua. also i held this prediction before seeing the part where this is brought up so we’ll see if its right lmao

as for this upcoming arc - ruth and i are wondering if itll be similar to the vinsmoke drama in one piece - character goes back to abusive family, squad goes to rescue them...and then character refuses to be recused. w/sanji it was partially bc the vinsmokes threatened to kill zeff, his TRUE dad, but i predict in this case it could be more like the zoldyks saying ‘look killua these 3 weirdos showed up looking for you, convince them to leave or we’ll kill them’ and killua will be like, oh shit bc like.....think abt it. the vinsmokes targeted zeff (and not the strawhats) bc they knew they could easily kill him. same goes here, i assume - a family of trained assassins vs Good Good Fishing Rod Smell-Power Boy (who hasnt thrown a single punch yet), Lanky Dr Man With A Switchblade We Havent Seen Him Use Onscreen, and Mx 2 Wooden Sticks, Bloodlust, and Arachnophobia - 3 For 1 Deal! its a no-contest. so thats one thing i could see happening, potentially

im way too tired to remember my other predictions rip lmao

#excited 2 see moreeee #lj watches hxh #hxh

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amateuranxiety · 5 years

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Ken Rants About “Vanishing World” for Probably Way Too Long

Good evening. My name is Ken, I am a dumb, overanalyzing nerd, and I have completely fallen for the narrative Vocaloid producer Grey (a.k.a. Monstrosity) has set up in the first two songs of her series, Vanishing World. I know only two out of the ten-ish-maybe? songs have been released so far, but I’ve been stewing on my thoughts for a while now and I felt that I absolutely needed to get them down somewhere. in this essay i will- I hope that people are able to see this and possibly be interested in checking the series out? I just feel like it deserves a lot more attention. I highly recommend listening to all the work on her channel. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrq2qxXTl7u-YKeSqIJ5xZA Now, without further ado, I give you my analysis. i feel like im giving myself too much credit for my hyperfocused ramblings lol

WARNING!

This writing discusses themes of mass death and other death related subject matter. If you are disturbed by these things, then please proceed with caution. Stay safe.

Basic Plot Summary

Vanishing World is the story of the end of the world, and the beasts who cause it. One beast for every element or force of nature or whatever. So far, they seem to choose a human to “cooperate” with in order the wreak their havoc on Earth. Human resistances rise up around the world, although not much information has been provided about them yet. Our story begins in the twenty-fifth day of the month of June, they year 2000.......

Part 1: Aberrant Garden

Kaylee Tagetes was a young girl with a remarkable, and almost scary, gift for gardening. However, as she grew, she spiraled out of control. She began fusing plants with other forms of existence, creating a deadly army for the first destruction god, Carnation. where are your parents??? Also she had this weird flower with a face growing out of her head, but I don’t think it’s that relevant also it just scares me so I’m just gonna ignore it unless I think something up about it, ok? Ok.

An investigator dispatched to “the site of the anomaly (I’m assuming this is Kaylee’s house)” finds this information and more inside of a conveniently placed exposition note that was probably just lying on the ground I guess.

Some important things I want to highlight in the note:

“However, as she grew older, she became... curious about something. Almost like a mysterious force was feeding her thoughts. What was this thing she was curious about, you ask? Simple!

...”By what means? That part... shall remain a mystery.”

“...and it was at that moment when she was poisoned by a spider monster. Acid flowed through her veins. She fell, passed out from blood loss. Probably dead.”

“‘My name is Carnation, the Monster of Flora. You shall hear more about me in the afterlife- your time is up.’“

“Into a giant maw she was dropped... no one ever saw her again as Kaylee Tagetes.”

What these things mean (probably):

Every beast is able to get into the mind of its host and pretty much possess them and lead them to do what they want.

Whoever wrote the note wants the process of monster creation to remain a mystery.

Probably dead. Probably.

use your real name, nerd the one you made up sounds stupid

She was eaten. Trapped within the monster’s stomach.

Our investigator pal jumps on the bandwagon with his own exposition!

“In the year 2100, the apocalypses rises, fear the chrome god monsters and their trapped traitor humans.”

He goes on about how weird it is that Carnation woke up 100 years before the rest. Also that note was pretty strange too I guess. But the question is, who wrote it? Well, my friend, it seems obvious that it was written by a human being, so I propose the theory that Kaylee herself wrote the note. I’ll explain my reasoning soon enough, but for it to make any sense at all (even though it still probably won’t), I need to move on to.......

quick note: the more i think about this the more stupid it sounds for reasons ill get into in a moment, but im just gonna keep the Kaylee Note Theory here in case it somehow leads to me having some grand revelation about the true author.

edit:upon further reflection it may be possible, but i still think there is plenty of room for error within my theory.

Part 2: Ulterior Spectacle

Our Earth was at peace. Finally. But they didn’t let it last.

Stephan Alexander, nineteen year old photographer and the second traitor human in our story. Using a device gifted to him by the Monster of Ice, Morzogo, he is able to freeze any landscape and turn any human being into stone with the click of a button. This device is the grand Tundra Lens. One of the worst birthdays I’ve ever heard of ngl. He goes around killing millions over a period of five months because of what Morzogo had told him.

“They don’t deserve to see the world as you do. They deserve to be a part of a picture, do they not? Make them go still so you may have the perfect picture. Travel the world and make them allll stiiiill, so they’ll be with you forever.”

To summarize the end of the story:

girl’s voice snaps him out of trance was that a pun?

instant regret for literal mass murder

suicide via medusa method (mirror, click, bye bye)

Also, if you watch the lovely PV, you’ll notice that that girl that brought him back to reality is literally Kaylee Tagetes. A twelve year old killed a chaos god of mass destruction that ate her after she was poisoned and lost a lot of blood. This takes place maybe around the year 2032 and she still looks 12. h o w ? guess she’s dead now idk all the humans are gonna be ghosts and talk about their poor life decisions in the afterlife i guess

So yeah that’s basically my explanation for my whole Kaylee wrote the note thing.

Explaining my Kaylee Note Theory:

I think I figured out how she killed Carnation. The poison in her blood. Ingesting that could have killed him. I don’t know what it takes to kill an old one or whatever those things are, but maybe??????

The prophesy just states that the human traitor are trapped. Not dead, right? dont know about poor stephan tho oof. unless the possession automatically gives you op protagonist powers. they’re probably still dead tho

I don’t know what motivation she would have for leaving the note behind though.

Maybe she wrote it as a ghost-type-person-thing????? idk i feel like im reaching at this point ive been typing for over an hour now.

also im not sure where to fit this in but some characters talk about The Crisis which is where humans randomly turn into monsters????? idk its just been brought up once so far so i dont know what to think of it.

Alright. The last thing I want to talk about today is.......

Zone-B and Codename:NULL

We first meet Codename:NULL in the description of Battle: Xelzerin (that’s Carnation’s real name btw. i guess he’s a dork who doesn’t think his full name sounds cool like me). She’s receiving an email from another Zone-B member, Codename:GANYMEDE, who basically gives us some information about Xelzerin we didn’t already know. Including the fact that Xelzerin isn’t dead??? i should have re-read everything before i started typing this has just turned into one big semi-organized mess im so sorry

anyway!! foreshadowing about the Earth and Electric beasts, NULL’s name is revealed to be Madeline in the description of Ulterior Spectacle, and apparently Stephan froze over 70% of the world in only five months. Probably a rich kid.

if i weren’t so tired and had more information about a story that’s barely half-way done, i feel like i would be much more thorough with my analysis and theories. i may type out a part 2 once song three drops. until then, ill wait patiently. maybe ill choke out a little theory if i have a sudden revelation but nothing on this scale. maybe ill be able to choke out a timeline as well. i can barely spell i should probably stop hope you enjoyed sorry it go so messy towards the end especially right here ily goodbye.

proofreading: barely im sorry

#vanishing world #vanishing beasts #monstrosity #monstrosity vocaloid #aberrant garden #ulterior spectacle #kaylee tagetes #stephan alexander #ken does theory #im coughing so much please save me im tired #vocaloid

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6ad6ro · 5 years

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um so… i woke up thinking of this old friend. she was like best friends w my bad ex? like i used to hang out w her like crazy. she was rly nice? mostly? tho she def had this issue where she didn’t rly know what she wanted in life. and let other ppls warped judgements of “how ppl should act” rub off on her.

like i remember times she would more or less call me a lazy piece of shit to my face. like it was somehow “understood”? but then i’d be like “why are u calling me that?” and she wouldn’t know. bc it wasn’t her actual opinion. she liked who i was. idk she was just rly confused. i think her brother was a cop. her dad was emotionally neglecting and like conservative or militant? i remember her always wanting to smoke pot but also saying “drugs are bad™”. she was someone who u could tell always wanted to be free but was held back by the opinions of the people around her.

especially her on again off again bf? i… didn’t like him. he wanted to grow up to be a politician. he only listened to classic rock. he looked and acted like a conservative wanabee eric foreman from that 70s show, but somehow even worse. he had her convinced that her dream was to be “a loving housewife”… it made me sick. i remember how he tried to convince her to stop hanging out w her best friend and me JUST bc she smoked pot. bc “she was an evil hippie and bad”. i mean tbh she SHOULD have stopped hanging out w my bad ex, but for completely dif reasons. like he was def that kinda guy. a selfish, immature, stubborn, self-righteous idiot. but he was the first guy to ever rly like her. and she had… self esteem issues. i remember how she would… was always waiting for him to decide to wanna go out w her. she seemed so lonely.

her and i were kinda friends separately from my bad ex (lets call her “A”). so one time i remember she ended up coming over to hang w me n watch rocky horror in my room? it was rly fun tbh!! we were having a great time! it was totally innocent! but i remember at one point she like… got weird. got up. and was like “im sorry i think i’m being a bad person i gotta go”. and left? i didn’t get it at the time? or rather… i think i denied it. she clearly liked me, wanted something to happen that night, and felt like a bad friend for having those thoughts. i never asked her about it but looking back it was p obvious. also A was a control freak n just a bad person… so i wouldn’t be surprised if she told L to stay away from me. even tho A was constantly cheating on me n using everyone around her etc. idk it was complicated.

i also remember another time before her and that guy that became her bf (lets call her “l” and him “m”)… i remember there was some small party at my house and for some horribly embarrassing reason my bad ex (we were still together then) convinced me to mess around w her under a blanket in same room as our other friends? we were all v v drunk. i guess it made others in room feel v lonely n so L and this other girl started like… both making out w the one other guy in the room? it was bizarre. that kind of stuff is fine in some circumstances? but this was rly unhealthy. i remember the guy felt bad and told the other girl he had to stop bc he had always rly liked L and wanted to see where things would go w her? other girl said she was fine w it (and knowing her persona it easily was?) and he ended up napping on floor w L. next day i think she woke up, completely regretted what happened, and ran back to M. it kinda sucked for guy bc he rly cared about her but she never even was willing to talk about what had happened. to her it was just a drunken mistake (i knew she kinda liked him back but obv she was scared).

even w all that stuff, L was a constant member of our hangout group for like… 7 or 8 years straight? idk! it was always rly fun w her! even if, looking back, A constantly was ruining all our fun w her insane bullshit. i have fond memories of 3am park hangouts n just roaming around talking n going on adventures… i’d never cheat on a partner. never have, never will. but i think i did have like… feelings for L that i always ignored? that part of her that… wanted freedom? from those weird family’s/bf’s/society’s ideals that she let chain her down? it was attractive. she was a nice person just doin her best.

anyways i remember around when A and i finally broke up for good (only a month after my dad died, if u wanna know how awful of a person A was). and she ended up taking me aside n warning me that A had been cheating on w me w another guy, but it’d gotten serious w him. and A of course was lying and stringing me along so she could get money n sex from me etc. A using me was p common. but L had had enough and “betrayed A” (did a v nice thing) and told me. i think that was… really what set in motion A and i being done for good. that helped wake me up about what a horrible person A was. and had always been. i’ll always be grateful to L for that. that must’ve been hard for her. and i think her and A’s like 10 year friendship died over that. which rly was a good thing like A was a terrible person.

anyways fast forward like 2? 3?? 4 years? L had gone off to a college out of state w her boyfriend M. she… followed him around. no judgement, but it prob wasn’t good for her. i was in an apartment in another city and me and A had been DONE™ for years. i was still def hurt from the 8+ years of abuse, but i was def over her at least. seeing other ppl regularly. it was def a weird time for me but… that’s another story.

L and i hadn’t rly talked in years. i just didn’t rly associate w ppl A still hung around. i never knew her and L had stopped being friends or i prob woulda kept up w L. i don’t think L and i cut off contact on purpose, but it was just one if those “things”. but L hit me up outta the blue. was like “ back in town do u wanna hang?” and we did! it was rly nice seeing her! we went out and about. idk. we started hanging for a bit. but she… idk she clearly rly enjoyed my company? but also… had those weird judgements. idk.

one time we were hanging and she was at my place and saw all the alcohol i had layin around and was like “hey uhhh can i have some?” and i was like “hehe okay i guess we can drink” and ordered a pizza and we just hung out.

idk but before we got drunk she finally told me why she was back. M, the guy she had followed to college, had done the gross, stereotypical dude thing of breaking up w her right after they both graduated. i got a vibe he had been cheating on her all throughout too. he rly was the type. and as we drank we talked about it. i felt so bad for her. she vented all night. and idk all i remember was we were both v drunk and i think i was… idk why my head was in her lap? but she was playing w my hair. and idk. we kissed. things happened. she seemed so happy w it! i was too. i even stupidly cracked a joke “i bet A would be rly pissed if she saw us rn” and we both laughed. i always regretted sayin it tho bc its not like i was doin it to get back at A.

but i remember we were in my bed making out bc i had accidentally gotten aggressive w her n slammed her into a wall n started kissing her? so hard her nose started bleeding? i felt awful but she LOOOVED it and idk we somehow wound up in bed. idk i kinda regret this. bc… i was having a hard time around then and… just sleeping w all my friends? it just became… clockwork. i would do what i thought my friends wanted me to do regardless of how i felt. i had become kinda a slut.

so i remember like… making out but then i started to escalate things? and i think fir a split second she sobered up and was like “wait lets cool this down a little”. and i was like “okay no prob” and we both tried to go for a walk n find a park? we walked hand in hand and she kept telling me how happy she was? like how… this was the kinda stuff M would never do with her? she was just smiling a lot. it was cute. but i was so drunk n still fairly new to area, so i took her in wrong direction from the park. we ended up giving up n just walking back.

we got back in and thats i think when she sobered up mostly but i wad still out of it? and she realised her dog hadn’t been fed. it was def a partial excuse but she rly loved that dog so i could tell it was REAL guilt. i felt bad bc i tried to take her hand n go back into my room bc i wanted her to stay n cuddle? i was just drunk. i wasn’t forceful, but i shoulda been like “oh that’s fine!” but tbh i was also a touch worried she was too drunk to drive. well anyways… she left.

later we did have a looong talk about it. like… she ended up going to try and get back with M again (i still will never know what she saw in him like he rly used her n treated her bad like even going so far as to ask her advice on dating other girls after they broke up). but idk i thought she was smart enough to end things w him, and could tell her and i had feelings, so i tried to stay a lil closer than friends? idk what i told her but it was along the lines of “we can stay friends but if things happen sometimes it’s okay w me”. i look back on it w embarrassment but i guess it wasn’t that bad a thing to say?

but rly it was mostly a drunken mistake. and she was scared. and wanted to cut it off. she couldn’t end things w M like she was still torally in love w him even tho he had abandoned her. tbh i know what that’s like. well anyways i remember a few hangouts later she just… bailed on me? in a rly mean way? i had gone to pick her up from her house (idk 30 min drive each way) and she just… totally stood me up. i was parked at her house like texting her wondering where she was? and she sent me a text like “sorry something came up”. and wouldn’t tell me what happened and i got annoyed and drove home.

i have a feeling now that like M had… shown back up in her life and she sorta… threw me away to run back to him? i mean i can’t take it too personally bc she woulda done that to ANYONE. i don’t remember what happened after that but we just stopped talking again. i saw later on fb that her and M had gotten engaged or married?? idek? idk if her and i are still fb friends or if one of us blocked the other or what? i don’t remember.

but idk. i hope she’s well. i hope M got WAYYY better. or she left him. or idk. i wouldn’t even know how to contact her. i’m almost afraid to. like bc i… could see her giving up on her dreams and just being that housewife to him. even if she was mildly content doing that, i know she’d never be happy. and it’s so unlikely that he’d have grown to be good to her. i just… hope she’s doing well and is okay and happy. idk why i woke up worrying about her. it’s been so long… i’m such a dif person now. idk. time is weird.

#long

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emotionalyodeling · 3 years

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bro i am. a bunch of emotions. i have. so many feelings but ultimately they r all caused by like. not doing my hw so. note to self (as if i haven’t known this already) please do ur hw oh my god. it’s so much easier to not hate urself when u do ur hw. alright i feel like a human pile of shit. woke up at like 12 and played duel links all day. did not eat a lot so. that is probs y i do not feel good. basic physical need not taken care of. but tbh i cannot explain why i just literally did not want to do anything today. mayb because of duel links? its easier to just sit and do nothing instead of take charge of ur life but jesus i was so tired. probably because of me staying up til like 4am when i had to wake up at 6:30am the same day. much like what i am doing rn. i will be sure to do my shit today and just go to bed. tbh these things are all obvious, tired and not well nourished v easy to feel discouraged that way... but anyhow. had 2 thoughts i want to blurt out.

i. am actually a whore. like i met this guy in japanese class and we had like. similar banter to me and zach in the beginning which is the like “fuck you” banter (side note: i also have this banter with a guy at work i def am interested in?? but also not seriously more like encouraging a puppy but i def have intrusive sexual thoughts about?) and i remember teasing about him liking me and then he was like “dont u have someone?” and my face after was like a “welllll” as if to suggest like ehh it doesn’t matter and i thought about that and tbh that was really fucking awful that that was how i reacted to that question like zach would have cried if he saw/heard about me doing that :///. idk i think i’ve just noticed that my type is guys i banter with (also,.., major nerds?) and its just like ahgha. i have a partner but i also wanna flirt with u guys but i do not want to hurt my partner, but i am so curious as to how it would b like dating these guys. tbh i don’t think i’d pursue both prolly just japanese class guy but like ugh. i do not know if this means i should break up with him b/c like. idk this circles back to a dream i had about cheating on him and just hghghg. i feel like i am so easily swayed and also kind of wishy washy about commitment idk. i think tbh it might be more of like a curiosity since zach is like, the first guy and real relationship i’ve had, so i’m curious to see like, i guess, and as awful as this sounds, how it would be with other people and if my experience with other men would b the same. (side note had an intrusive sexual thought about ***** and i want 2 off myself). idk im gonna write it off as curiosity, but tbh. i don’t know if i would be strong enough to resist the temptation of just trying it out. i say that but also i got so guilty after just kissing kallie even tho it was a peck. ughhghg. i just feel .ike it would b so easy to date this dude or like just fuck him and tbh it just makes me wanna do it. honestly i think my problem is just that i am horny and whimsical and idealize a fwb even tho i know the other person would get hurt. idk men ar ejust easy to pull anyways so like. mmmm. does not help. anyways i don’t rlly have a way to improve upon this tbh, i think just typing it out helps a lot..? but i’ll share more thoughts if i have them.

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choisgirls · 7 years

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This is my first time requesting a headcannon from anyone! ((I'm asking you guys because I love how you guys write, it's amazing!)) I was wondering if you could do a RFA + V + Saeran reaction to MC accidentally taking a drug thinking it's candy? ((You don't have to do this if it's too weird or something!! I'm sorry!! ;-; I'm so embarrassed lol))

A/N: Me?? the first??? i am hoNOURED ;u; HHHNNNNN I HOPE THIS ISOKAY SORRY I STRAYED FROM THE “THINKING ITS CANDY” PART SOMETIMES;;;;~Admin 404

Me @ Saerans: im sorry no im not

Idk if this is a TW or anything but… drug mention warning??Right here??

*YOOSUNG:

-Yo he goesto /college/. /COLLEGE PARTIES MY FRIENDS./

-He doesn’tnormally go but friends invited him, and he invited you! Totally wasn’t becausehe wanted to show you off to people??? No????

-But youseemed a little more comfortable at these things than he did, you evendisappeared for a little while

-He spentalmost an hour trying to find you amongst the sea of people, and when he didfind you, you seemed confused, dazed, and just completely out of it

-Tried askingyou what was wrong and all you could do was stare at him with your eyes glossedover for a solid minute before you reacted to him actually being there

-When youmade sense of his presence, you smiled and welcomed him very slowly beforesticking your tongue out to touch it

-“Yoosung,is my tongue big? Is it.. big.. oh my god its growing. What if it won’t fit inmy mouth anymore?? YooSUNG WHaT WiLL I Do?!”

-You nolonger had volume control over your voice and he is very concerned. One secondyou’re yelling, the next you’re whispering. What was wrong with you?? You werestarting to scare him;;

-It took asolid 5 minutes for you to explain to him that someone had offered you somechocolate and you never turned down chocolate! But he remembered hearingsomeone say something about “edibles”.. is.. is that what it was? Didyou mistakenly take drugs?! Why weren’t you more careful?!

-Strugglesto carry you home- arm thrown around his shoulder as his arms around your hip,the two of you have to stop every now and again because you’re contemplatingeverything around you. Once he’s got you home, he immediately tucks you into bed.Of course he went to the group chat to figure out what he should do, andSaeyoung told him to just make sure you slept it off.

-In themorning he lectured you that you can’t take chocolate from people you don’tknow!! Especially if it doesn’t smell right- what in the world made you thinkit was safe;; Also, now refuses invites to parties because he doesn’t want totake you to another one and have this happen again

*ZEN:

-HE WAS INA MOTORCYCLE GANG YOU CAN PRY THE THOUGHT THAT HE’S NEVER DONE DRUGS OUT OF MYCOLD DEAD HANDS

-Whenstored correctly in an airtight baggy or pill bottle in the correct conditions,it’s possible to preserve ecstasy pills for /years/ at a time.

-Cue springcleaning when the two of you are going through old boxes and clothing and youfind this small bag full of smiley face shaped things. They looked like shapedsweettarts and those are the type of candies that you eat when you find them,you never go out of your way to get them yourself, so you thought why not.Though it wasn’t sour, it was just really bitter and nasty and there was no wayyou were going to eat another one

-But whenZen came in to check on you after finishing his own portion of cleaning, hefound you chewing the fabric of your shirt. Why were you chewing your shirt?Were you hungry? Were you focusing? Did you need him to get you some gum???Stop doing that!!!!

-When younoticed him come into the room, your face immediately lit up. You gave him thebiggest smile you could manage, and you started to welcome him into the room.But welcoming him turned into talking about his clothes. Talking about hisclothes led to talking to him about the room. Talking about the room led totalking about him. And talking about him led to a 10 minute long ramble thatconsisted of repeating “I love you so much” and telling him howgorgeous he was.

-Of course,that was a favourite topic amongst the two of you normally, but you justseemed… off this time. You seemed… /too/ excited to talk about him. Too inlove. Too…. happy

-He satdown in front of you to take a good look at your eyes and read your actions.You smiled at him all over again and the very second you touched his face he/knew/ what had happened.

-“WHEREDID YOU GET THAT. MC. RIGHT NOW. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT.” “Zenny~ Getwhat? Why are you yelling? Oh! Are we cheering? I can cheer! YAY ZEN YA-”“No no, sweetheart, sit down, please.”

-After fightingto get you to show him what you took, he was mortified. E-ecstasy? Where didyou get that? It was his? When did he have this? HOW LONG AGO DID HE CLEAN OUTHIS CLOSET?

-He got youa styrofoam cup full of water, he knew at some point you were going to bethirsty, /and/ need to chew on something. He didn’t want you to chew on yourclothes anymore, nor did he want you to accidently bite your tongue;;

-For oncehe’s silent the rest of the day, making sure you’ve got something to chew on,listening to you ramble on and on about how nice the house is and how amazingyou thought he was. Definitely made sure to get rid of that baggy… and gothrough a few other boxes from him gang days to make sure there was nothingelse in there. Definitely lectures you on eating things you randomly find inold boxes among other things;

*JAEHEE:

-MC who inthe world thinks accepting any sort of offer in a bathroom is okay??

-You getoffered some chocolate in the bathroom, most people would immediately decline.Who.. who accepts that? MC? Why?

-Younoticed it tasted a little gross but you didn’t want to be rude and spit it outin front of the people offering it to you, so you finished the piece and madeyour way back to the dinner table where Jaehee was waiting.

-She was alittle concerned when she could smell the drug, but she didn’t think you didanything of the sort, and chalked it up to be someone near your table.

-However,once your eyes started to turn a little red and glazed over, she decided thatyou must have truly taken the drug, and paid the bill as quickly as possible soshe could get you home.

-On thewalk home was when it really kicked in. You kept telling her how soft her handswere, because you couldn’t remember that you had just told her the exact samething, word for word.

-Youstumbled a little when you walked and kept trying to sit in the middle of thesidewalk because your legs felt like jelly.

-At onepoint you started to cry because you weren’t sure why in the world anyone woulddrop their half eaten pretzel on the ground and leave it there, where evenbirds couldn’t reach it to eat. She couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculousyou sounded, though she was still extremely angry that you had taken drugs onyour date??

-Once shegot you home and you sat down, she watched as your head would dip down beforeyou snapped it right back up to look at her. Apparently you kept blacking outin the matter of seconds before you woke back up and she wanted you to just laydown and sleep.

-Figured itcouldn’t hurt to ask you just what happened back at the restaurant. You toldher about the people in the bathroom who offered you some of their chocolateand you kept giggling because you couldn’t believe someone would be nice enoughto just offer some chocolate to a stranger in the bathroom. That’s when itclicked that you had no idea what was hiding within the sweet.

-Made yousleep it off the rest of the night. You better believe you’re getting one ofthe biggest, emotion-filled lectures of your life the moment you wake upbecause she needs to tell you about the dangers of just blindly taking ANYTHINGfrom strangers??? And she also had to explain to you what you had even done?And what was in the chocolate you decided to eat. Momma Jaehee, scolding you2kforever.

*JUMIN:

-Being hiss/o can be dangerous and let me explain why for just a second

-Of course,being the s/o of someone as popular (and handsome.. and rich… and powerful..)as Jumin Han, there is not only a lot of attention thrown your way, but there’salways someone who gets jealous (whether of you or of him)

-So, youalways have to be on your toes because you never know what might happen, orwhat someone might do to you. Of course you have bodyguards but sometimes theycan slip up as well.

-Like, notnoticing that someone had slipped something into your drink?

-Normally,Jumin watches you and your surroundings like a hawk because he’s alwaysconcerned for you, but this time even he was distracted talking business with apotential new client and didn’t see it happen.

-Luckilyfor the two of you, you had left the party early to head home, but on the waythere, whatever you had drank started to kick in.

-Your legsgave out right before you passed the doorway and he caught you just in time.Completely distraught, and carried you quickly to the couch. Tried to ask youwhat was wrong, but you couldn’t get the words out of your mouth, all it endedup sounding like was one large mumble. You seemed to struggle to move yourlimbs until you couldn’t anymore.

-Immediatelycalled a doctor to make a house visit. He didn’t care how late it was, he’d paywhatever he had to, so long as he could find out what was happening to you. Andafter the doctors analysis, it was obvious that someone had tried to slip you aRohypnol without you realizing it, and he was glad he brought you home beforeanything else had happened.

-Not only doeshe increase his security in general, but he assigns a specific body guard towatch your drinks the next time the two of you went out as well as one to stayclose by you at all times at said parties.

-Stays nextto you the whole time, never sleeping until you’re able to come to. He blameshimself the whole time and cannot help but think of every possible scenariothat could have happened to you that night. He knows it isn’t your fault, buthe’s still just so worried about you. He’s never been more stressed.

-Hepromises to take care of you better from then on. He would never let anyonehurt you again, no matter what it took. The two of you have to hold each otherin reassurance (obviously whenever you’re feeling alright and are okay with it,he understands that it’s a scary occurrence and realizes it’s quite possiblefor you to be jumpy and not want to be touched for a large amount of timeafterwards)

*SAEYOUNG:

-You can’ttell me he doesn’t have various drugs he uses as weapons on missions, you justcan’t.

-He tellsyou to stay out of the room where he keeps his equipment, but do you listen?Yeah usually

-But youfelt bad that Vanderwood was the one who always had to clean everything, so youdecided you would help out and clean a few rooms! His equipment room being oneof them.

-Now,Saeyoung is known to leave food around. Everywhere. And I mean, any type offood as well. Half empty chip bags, week old slices of pizza, a slice oflasagna you made three weeks ago- that’s disgusting Saeyoung.

-So comingacross something that looks almost candy like isn’t really uncommon in yourhousehold. Though, whatever you just picked up and decided to throw in yourmouth was not… your best decision.

-A whilelater, you managed to stumble into the room where Saeyoung was sitting, typingaway at his computer. You kept trying to talk but all your words stumbled andyou couldn’t think straight. You kept stumbling and felt your knees gettingweak. He looked over right as you fell to the ground and he’s never run over toyou faster in his life

-Soconcerned, he kept asking what was wrong and watched you try to talk, but notonly was your mouth unable to move, your body went limp. He recognized thesymptoms immediately and called out to Vanderwood to come help the two of you

-He laidyou in bed and got you some water and just tried to get you to sleep- there wasno other way to get it out of your system but wait it out

-Vanderwoodcame in with a judgmental look on their face, “Did they really just takesome random thing they found? Why do you have these lying around, Seven?”

-When youfinally came to, he was so relieved and was constantly apologizing before aswitch flipped and he started to scold you. What would possess you to just..eat something you found? What do you mean it looked like candy? He doesn’tleave food around! Okay.. yes he does.. but really, MC! Why were you in hisequipment room? W-why were you turning this around on him? He has that Rohypnolfor missions! You could just ask Vanderwood!

-Vanderwoodadmits to slipping them to Seven sometimes when they’re done dealing with him,how rude.

*JIHYUN:

-‘Jihyunwould never do drugs!’ -you, probably, at me. Me, at you, dear reader: ‘Rip thethought of it out of my cold, dead hands’

-Sometimeshe just has to calm down, the poor dude has dealt with so much shit and justneeds a little help to clear his mind and the tobacco pipe just doesn’t alwayshelp.

-Surprisinglylikes sour candy! So he gets some infused sour peach rings and they’re hisfavourites.

-But heneglected to tell you that they were infused?? And that you probably shouldn’teat them?? Nor should you eat more than a few…

-So when hecame home to find you laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, trying tocount how many times the fan spun around, he figured pretty quickly that youhad gotten into his candy and he sighed

-He laiddown next to you on the ground, watching the fan as well while he asked youwhat you had eaten to confirm his suspicions. When you told him you had somepeach rings, he couldn’t stop the soft laugh that came out afterwards

-Totallyeats a few as well so the two of you can just relax and practically melt intothe floor

-Youcouldn’t stop talking. Anything and everything that came to your mind came outof your mouth. It was slow and thought out, but still came out. Every word waslike heaven to his ears and he felt like he could just float along with yourvoice

-The two ofyou just talk and speculate about the future, about the past, sometimes the twoof you come up with extremely odd (but funny) thoughts about the rest of yourfriends

-You keptrunning your hand through his hair and kept telling him just how amazingly softit felt and he could just tell that you had way more than he had. He had toremember to lecture you not to eat every kind of candy you find.

-Or… toat least not eat as much as you did. And definitely not do it alone

*SAERAN (or… Ray *insert the eye emoji here*):

-“MC,here, I made this specially for you.”

-In thebottle was a bright, blue, sweet smelling liquid. You didn’t know what it was,exactly, but it was obviously very odd.

-You tookthe bottle. Ray hasn’t given you any sort of bad vibe or reason to not trusthim the whole time you’ve been here. Though, he kept telling you that steps hadto be taken to allow you to stay there, with him, for as long as you’d like.

-“MC,”he started, gently wrapping his hand around your own that held the bottle,“Please. Don’t you trust me? I care about you a lot..” his voicedropped off as he looked from your eyes to the ground.

-After adeep breath, you broke away from his grip to bring the bottle to your lips. Inone fluid motion, you let the sweet tasting liquid run down the back of yourthroat. It burned a bit going down, but immediately numbed afterwards.

-You methis eyes, as his face lit up with joy. Eyes started to sparkle, and his smilegrew bigger than you’ve seen it the past few days

-He tookyour hand in his, bringing it up to his lips to plant a small kiss on yourknuckles as he waited for the elixir to kick in. He watched, as you started tolightly shake and threw your hands to your head, holding it and squeezing youreyes shut.

-Your headstarted to pound as the room began to spin. Your eyes started to wateruncontrollably and you couldn’t make sense of any of your surroundings. Soundsmixed together and seems to scream in your ears. Your breath hitched in yourthroat and you started to gasp for air.

-Ray buriedhis hand into the hair at the back of your head, pulling you close to his chest

-He placeda small kiss to the top of your head, smirking against your hair softly

-“Youaren’t leaving me, MC.”

Masterlist

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angeljonghyun · 6 years

Text

Insanely long emotional ramble ahead, you can ignore it. I just needed to let it out somewhere

Im filled with anxiety and the feeling of panic. I woke up an hour ago and it only gets worse. I wonder what its like to have a fixed schedule, i have too much time to worry and think. I woke up thinking about jjong right away, being so confused by the fact that hes gone. I wanted to go to the gym today again, finally it has been so long, but now idk how well i can eat and if i can stand being even more stressed bc being in public, doing somewhat normal things and not being home all day is scary to me too. Gosh i feel so horrible atm, its so much worse bc i get my period the next days. I couldnt be more depressed and emotional at the same time. Im so scared of the mv and album, idk how well i will be able to handle it. Maybe it feels even worse bc i know its like the last real thing of him we will ever get. Maybe its so horribly painful bc his songs are often personal and i will be reminded about his struggles once again. I know people say that no one should look into his new album and make up theories, what i understand, i dont want people to do this for any type of sttention which is not linked to good intentions, but honestly... his music, all his lyrics are linked to what happened. The wish to not be here anymore is something almost every depressed person has to deal with and so every song has parts of that demon of his inside of them, probably doesnt matter if its from years ago. It hurts like hell and i still dont know what is right or wrong. Idk if i should force myself to do a lot or suffer at home so all these tears can run freely. Idek what to feel anymore. I have survived the worst of it all and know things will get better, but reliving insane pain is scary and knowing that its gonna happen so soon ... . I dont know if its good that it happens so early or not. I really cant tell if i should watch the mv or listen to the album but ive never been a person who was able to watch an mv late bc i always wanted to know whats going on. I still am that way so i will most likely torture myself. Maybe not the best choice and maybe it will break me down entirely again, but i dont really see another option. Its so scary and something inside of me just wants to completely erase every bit of shinee in my life bc im so stressed and sad all the time, but wtf how am i supposed to do that its impossible and also i dont want to... i just wish to find peace kind of, but i know i cant. There will be so much happening still which will tear open that massive wound again and thats so exhausting wow. Its so weird how i feel kind of close to jjong bc i try to keep him close, but at the same time im so scared of him. Its the weirdest feeling and makes me feel so so sick. Its so weird how i accepted his death but cant handle anything well at all. There are times when im kind of emotionless, but thats not how i truly feel inside. Its just weird to me to watch the mv of him bc of obvious reasons i guess and then theres take the dive the song id love to delete entirely so it wouldnt exist. Im such a mess. I can listen to his old music with a heavy heart but idk what kind of emotions this album will wake up. I can imagine i really just listen once and ignore forever, but idk really. This album wont ever be loved by me and i feel bad for that. Im sorry jjong but im gonna feel devastated about everything forever and cant appreciate you and your hard work the way i should. Im still here wishing none of this is real. At moments im literally just standing somewhere thinking to myself that i should wake up now, but i know it wont happen. Then again i feel the intense need to love and support the rest of shinee. My second angel is still alive... im just scared to attach myself to kibum way too much just like i did with jjong before... im already lost in this one sided love for him, but i know i shouldnt feel that way and it drives me crazy. I hate this i hate all of this i hate every part of this shithole called life. i never want to experience anything like this ever again. I never wanted to experience this in the first place.

#and im still asking why him when its such an awful question intending that someone else deserves it much more to feel bad and die #i srsly dont know how to live and function and do good things for myself when all of this is whats reality for me #yesterday i had... unhealthy thoughts while watching a train arrive #and im like???? tf shut up brain orz #tw: sucide mention #tw: suidice #tw: death

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sujiult-blog · 6 years

Text

don’t know you (yet i’m on my knees)

Summary: Jimin is horny. And Yoongi has either the worst or best timing. Depends on how you look at it.

Words: 2484

Not one person in any way is allowed to post this or any of my other works on any site without my consent.

Jimin was hot and frustrated all over.

He hadn’t had a good fuck in months and all he could think about the past week was about this guy named Jeon Jeongguk whom he had been chatting with on an online dating site for nearly a month.

After the first few days of texting they had found out they lived in the same city, a week later they knew that they went to the same university.

jjk: i rlly don’t wanna show my face

jjk: dont get me wrong, i like you and all but after my last relationship i dont think im ready to commit that quickly :(

Jimin was fine with that. He could wait. But with all the teasing texts Jeongguk had been sending on a daily basis had begun to take its toll.

One morning he woke with morning wood after what had seemed like a subtle sexting session the night before and had to finish himself off in the restroom after he had caught himself grinding into a stray pillow with his roommate still slumbering peacefully only a few meters away.

And now his mind was swirling with mathematical equations and fabricated images of Jeongguk.

How tall is he? What’s his eye color? Does he like lazy weekends with takeout? Maybe he’s muscular. Jimin hopes not. He had worked too hard on his abs just to be out-abbed by someone else.

How good was he in bed? Maybe he would be the one to let Jimin top for once. Just imagining it makes his cock twitch. God, he so badly wants to have sex but he never hooked up again after he had an incident with a girl who had had a blood play fetish and tried to slice his dick so she could lick the blood off it.

Jimin felt positively needy to the point the he’s desperate enough to text Jeongguk.

park.jim: JUNGKOOK

jjk: WHAT

park.jim: ok idk how to ask you this but

Jeongguk patiently waits for Jimin’s reply but after the ‘park.jim is typing…’ disappears and reappears for the eighth time he shuts off his phone and returns to his professor’s lulling depiction of the Division of Korea.

park.jim: okay im actually really horny rn and i want to get off so bad and im tired of fucking my hand pls help me out

park.jim: lets meet in the art department restroom, nobody ever uses it i’ll lock it just knock ONCE and i’ll open it

park.jim: and if you don’t show up i’ll understand -_-’

Jimin gathers his belongings, shoving them hurriedly into his messenger bag then taking off, his professor not sparing so much as a glance in his direction.

As he jogs towards the Art Department, Jimin silently thanks his mom for encouraging him to take up the part time job as janitor for sections A and B which were mostly Art and Business buildings so all he really had to do was take down ‘Wet Paint’ signs and walk around for a couple of hours filling up bags with miscellaneous pieces of trash. That and the university gave him a access to various keys including the restrooms.

Jimin holds open the door then locks it from the outside, closes it, and waits.

Yoongi is nearly done with his new mural. A dark blue sky swirling with purple hues. Lights from a huge ferris wheel so realistic they seem to shimmer against the night sky.

It was one of his favorite memories from visiting California last summer. He could still recall the scent of greasy food and the shouts a joyous children dragging their parents across the fair and back. He sighs happily and begins to set up long poles. Clipping white sheets and hooking them at the ends to make sure any stray leaf won’t smudge his work. He pokes at each air flap before packing his art supplies and dropping them off at his art studio. Yoongi considers stopping by for coffee before heading towards his dorm and decides he’d better wash up first.

At first Yoongi finds it a bit strange that the restroom door is closed so he knocks once, then leans his ear against the door just to make sure he doesn’t walk in on something (it has happened before).

Just as he backs up the door swings open and a blur of hands grab his jacket, dragging him inside.

Immediately he’s shoved against the wall with feverish lips exploring the expanse of his neck and chest, exposed by his low cut shirt.

“What the hell kid!” Yoongi desperately tries to wriggle free but the dude just isn't letting go. Yoongi is just about ready to kick the guy in the balls and book it until he receives a particularly hard suck a few centimeters under his ears causes him to stiffen.

The stranger seems to notice. He looks up and stares into Yoongi’s eyes. This is the first time he seems him clearly.

Mussed up blond hair, chubby cheeks, plump luscious lips, and eyes with pupils blown wide.

Suddenly Yoongi doesn’t seem so freaked out. This dude is gorgeous and seemingly willing to hard core makeout session. God knows his sex life is about as dead as his great-great-great grandma (a morbid comparison but you get the point). He takes all things into consideration: 1) he’s making out with a stranger, 2) it’s a really hot stranger, 3) a pocket pussy could never compare to an inviting hot mouth.

So he does the obvious.

Yoongi yanks the stranger upwards, pulling his hair, extracting a whine of pain, promptly shutting him up by smashing their lips together. Their tongues swirl together, teeth clashed, and small fingers began palming his dick through his jeans.

“Let me suck you off please, oh my god please I'm good I swear Ju-” Yoongi cuts him off with a guttural moan.

“Fuck, yes, yes suck my dick.” Yoongi has never felt this weak. He’s practically leaning against the sink, holding onto the handicap rail for dear life.

The hot stranger takes no time with Yoongi’s jeans and has them pooling by his knees in seconds.

Sultry breaths fan over the expanse of his boxer’s as Yoongi looks down just in time to see the black haired male press open mouthed kisses against his clothed erection.

“I- I don’t even know your name.”

“What do you mean you don’t know my name? Of course you do, it’s Jimin you dolt.”

“Jimin.” He likes the feel of it dancing on his tongue, “Ji- Oh shit, ah.” Yoongi had been so absorbed in the newfound information he hadn’t even noticed the his boxers had been removed and was now exposed to frigid air wafting from the small window.

Jimin stares wide eyed. He recalls the ‘subtle sexting’ and remembers Jungkook saying his dick was a pretty average size, but this, this was huge. An easy eight inches, thick and heavy under his palm. Veins prominent against the pretty pink tip. He whimpers with want. This is his dream cock.

He gave it a tentative lick, and whom he believes is Jeongguk, shivers. Jimin took the tip between his lips and hollowed his cheeks, slowly taking it until it hit the back of his throat. His eyes watered and it took all his willpower not to gag. His hand went around the length he couldn’t take and began bobbing his head, moving his hand in sync.

Yoongi had just begun to realize how long it had been, Jimin started gaining a steady rhythm and he was already on the verge of his climax. “Ah, wait-” Yoongi pulls at Jimin’s hair and his teeth accidently graze his cock.

Yoongi’s hips involuntarily buck and Jimin is forced to swallow more than he thought possible. Jimin leans back his mouth releasing the cock with a loud pop, cheek brushing against Yoongi’s erection and a streak of pre-cum is left as he catches his breath.

“Fuck, sorry Jimin, it was an acci-”

“Do it again.”

“What?”

“I said do it again.”

“What do you mean-”

“Fucking hell. I’m telling you to fuck my face Jeongguk!”

Jimin had just called him Jeongguk.

“Okay.”

Then Jimin’s hair is being pulled, little whines emit from his throat, high pitched and needy.

Yoongi’s dick is put to his lips, he looks up lust-filled eyes stare back at him expectantly, “Go on then Jiminie, open your mouth for daddy.”

Jimin jumps a bit as if he had been given a small electric shock. Had Jeongguk just called himself daddy? Oh god, he would have never thought- Jungkook had denied every kink in the book and now he came at him with this.

“I- I Jeon- mph!”

Yoongi’s cock was shoved in his mouth, effectively gagging him. “Good boy Jiminie.”

“Now I want you to hold onto my hips and don’t touch yourself at all.”

Without hesitation, his shaking hands went around his hips, stubby fingers marking the skin red.

Yoongi experimentally thrust his hips forward. Jimin’s eyes widened but he didn’t begin retching and coughing; in fact, his mouth seemed to widen a bit, allowing Yoongi to go in deeper.

Yoongi languidly slides in and out, tugging on Jimin’s hair, adjusting his head as he wanted it. Jimin’s tongue slid under Yoongi’s cock; teeth every so often grazing it.

“Ah- fuck, Jimin. Listen. If I get too rough i want you to pinch me really hard, okay? Nod if you’re okay with me- well, manhandling you.” Jimin nods maybe a bit to vigorously. He was tired of the tortoise like pace ‘Jeongguk’ had set. He was ready for something a lot more heated. He was just about ready to snap and let his inner power bottom take control.

Jimin looked up at Yoongi, his eyes slightly red and watery while the latters were hooded, with a deep look of ecstasy. Yoongi slid out of Jimin’s mouth slowly, his hands twirling through Jimin’s light strands.

Them, seemingly out of nowhere, Yoongi rams right back into his mouth. Jimin yelps but he didn’t pinch Yoongi’s sides, instead he inhales through his nose and sucks it up because his mom didn’t raise no bitch.

Yoongi pounds in and out of his mouth mercilessly.

“God Jiminie, you’re so good. I’m almost there babe, hold on a bit longer for me.” But Jimin wasn’t sure he could. Even though his cock had been neglected during the entirety of the intercourse the friction it made with his jeans was nearly unbearable. Then suddenly Yoongi stops and slips out of his mouth and begins to jerk himself off.

“Fuck- ah- open your mouth Jimin.” Jimin does what he’s told, beginning to palm himself through his jeans chasing his orgasm. He knows what is coming and it’s all too much for him.

Jimin comes, loud whines escaping his throat just as squirts of come land in his mouth. His eyes close just as soon as streaks of come cover his eyelash. He feels lips ghosting over his then a tongue slowly begin licking over his lip, cheeks, and eyelid. He sucks in a sharp breath unclear on how to react.

“You did so good Jimin-ah. So good for daddy.”

Jimin whimpers softly, absolute euphoria taking over his mind. Suddenly Yoongi stops. He helps Jimin up looking him dead in the eye. “I’ve got to tell you something.”

“Um, okay?”

Yoongi mutters a string of curses under his breath, sounding mainly like insults directed toward himself. “I’m actually-” A loud ping resonates in the restroom followed by several more. Jimin knows they’re texts from Jeongguk, but… Jeongguk was right in front of him.

“Uh, give me a second.” Jimin digs through his pocket and takes out his phone reading the text.

jjk: OHMYGOD

jjk: I KNOCKED OUT I JUST READ THIS JESUS CHRIST

jjk: i feel really bad fuuck

jjk: imma be honest with you jimin even if i read the text when you sent it… i dont tjink i would’ve gone :[

jjk: think**

jjk: this is really awkward. imma leave… bye

Jimin looks up at Yoongi in horror. “Who the fuck are you?” he exclaims, “Oh my god I just sucked a strangers dick. What the hell? Why did you let me suck your dick? I want to die. You’re not Jeon-”

“That’s what I was trying to tell you! But I really wanted a blowjob and you’re really hot…” Yoongi then remembers that he wasn’t the one who had begun the makeout session (as enjoyable as it was). “Besides you were the one who began eating my face!”

“Because I thought you were Jeongguk.”

“Well I’m not. My name is Yoongi! But why were you so eager to suck this Jeongguk kids dick if you don’t even know how he looks like?”

“It’s a long story that doesn’t involve you!”

“Oh it doesn’t involve me? You literally just sucked my dick!”

“Speaking about your dick, why don’t you put your pants on right already? It’s really distracting!”

Yoongi smirks, he silently pulls up his boxers and jeans. “Distracting? Do you want another taste Jiminie?” He takes a step forward, then another, and another, forcing Jimin to back up against the wall. He places his arms on either side of the cowering boy, effectively trapping him. “Or perhaps a little more than that. Let me tell you, I wouldn’t mind having a bite of you.” His hand sliding down to Jimin’s hips, playfully snapping his waistband. Jimin flinches, cheeks reddening along with the tip of his ears.

“Fuck off.” Jimin whispers.

“I don’t think I heard you princess. Wanna speak up?”

“I said fuck off- Mph!” Lips press on his. Tongue sliding into his mouth and wandering hands groping at his bottom. Jimin moans. “Catch me.” He whispers.

Jimin jumps up, legs wrapping around Yoongi. Large hands massaging his ass. Nimble fingers putting pressure against his hole.

“You’re a tease you know that?”

Yoongi just smirks. “Seems like you want more. How about we go out for coffee first. I’ll see if you’re as nice as you look. Maybe then I’ll dick you down.”

“What?! Who even said I wanted to go on a date with you? Much less-”

“Shut up and let’s go.” Yoongi opens the door and looks back, “You should drop Jeongguk a text and tell him you just sucked his favorite teacher’s assistant's dick.”

“This can’t be happening! I thought you said you didn't know him!”

“Just remembered. I help out like 300 kids. It’s difficult to keep track. Now, let’s go princess. If you behave I’ll buy you something nice.” Yoongi’s hand stretches out, large hand open wide. Jimin stares back nervously. He takes a deep breath and takes Yoongi’s hand.

The door shuts with a bang, and all that’s heard is someone letting out a deep chuckle, a rumbling voice whispering, “Good boy.”

#yoonmin #yoongixjimin #yoongi #jimin #bts #fanfiction

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survivormontenegro · 5 years

Text

Episode 10: “It’s Like Giving A Baby A Glock” - Mo

I’ve been tricked, I’ve been backstabbed and, quite possibly, bamboozled.

So like here’s the thing, the person I thought going into merge I could trust the least is apparently now my closest ally. That’s Julia. I thought everyone was on the same page of voting out Tom like oh we’re gucci. But fucking quick fake out, no such thing as Tom getting voted out. I literally started hysterically laughing because no one was answering me when I asked what happened on the call. Now I don’t know what to do but I’m still just gonna have fun.

youtube

operation vote alex was a success. i feel really really awful because he looked so upset, but he was just too powerful and couldn't stick around any longer ahh. in other news sleeping beauty tom is so funny, he almost self-voted himself out of the game I am truly screaming. i was determined this season to make up for the last time we played together and i think i got to do that ahh.

in other news... i need to go into hiding. i have done way too much in both of the last votes, and its really gonna start getting me some attention unless i really really go under the radar. me and jules are the only people who voted both ian and alex, and on call with jason i think its obvious to him now that us two are close eek!

i feel like mo is a good next vote, he is much more of an outsider than jones and is an easy vote which is what i need since im in such a highlighted position at the moment eek, i really think i'm gonna go like 8th or something, so we will see how that little pickle goes eek!

New Goal Bootlist: Mo > Jones > Jason > Julia > Mitch > Me/Caeleb/Jules/Benj/Tom F5, ahh I love everyone left way too much this is gonna become such a pickle when I don't wanna vote out like.... half the tribe EEK. lets just hope its all smooth sailing till i idol someone out eek.

i do not expect to make FTC, but I just wanna use my idol correctly before I go askljdfa. Also new jury rankings if I get booted 10th:

Jules > Jason > Benj > Caeleb > Mitch > Jones > Julia > Tom > Mo

Caeleb shot up my rankings for being open to a move, Jason would be a major underdog if he makes it to FTC, Jules is too woke and deserves votes, and Benj is playing a super smart game ha! We will see, but I sure do not expect to last much longer in this game KLASDFA

HELLO!!! This game has been chaos lately. Firstly Ian gets blindsided and I knew it would be a split vote but had no clue he was leaving wow... but then this round all the people who organised that got blindsided with the Alex vote hehe. I didn't vote him bc my vote was publicized by Ian even tho I didn't vote him smh but I fully knew about it and kinda helped with it even tho its mainly caelebs move

Alex was super nice I liked him but it was purely for game he was the biggest threat and we were almost certain he had durmitor idol so! Even with tom self voting it worked wowow so I guess jules also voted with ali/caeleb/mitch/Jason

I don't talk to Julia or mo but IM SO SAD ABT JONES I DONT KNOW IF SHE KNOWS I KNEW OR NOT BUT I LOVE HER AND HOPE SHE DONT HATE ME

But whew this merge has been so crazy and I love it. Im kinda becoming floaterish again but that's fine bc we see threats leave early like ian and alex so! this should work for a while... altho im terrified to even make the end cuz its a live finale tribal AHHHH but idk if I will make it there anyway we will see. prob not .

Current rankings (strategically)

1. Ali - MY KINGGGG FOREVER!!!! Best duo ever and I don't think anyone knows it... we have voted differently again so its like perfect cuz despite doing diff stuff we still tell each other everything. and I hope we find merge idol so we have 2 hehe

2. Caeleb - Omg we have been working together a lot more closely lately and I really like it hes fun to work with im so sad I voted him 2 rounds ago LOL but its ok since its going to well now! king

3. Mitch - Only person ive been on every tribe with, usually always on the same page w stuff

4. Jones - LOVE HER QUEEN! she would be like tied 1st for personal but so far we have voted diff both times at merge oops! but still wanna go far with her

5/6. Jules/Tom - Without really talking about strategy we were still on the same page. Tom aussie king. JULES FRIENDLY QUEEN!

7/8/9. Jason/Julia/Mo - I just don't know how to talk to them really lol but all nice . my fault cuz maybe im so inactive... love u guys still

IDK WHATS NEXT BUT I WANNA MAKE TOP 9 ATLEAST!! Single digits again yus

Ok ok after tending to my needy cat, taking a shower, and taking a short 6 hour nap that others may call sleep,,, I’m 60% in the right headspace to gather my thoughts I think.

Last nights move was so good, I hated it Bc I wasn’t included in it but it was so good. But also seeing Alex literally on the verge of tears was NOT so good. That was actually depressing. Granted he WAS the biggest threat to win and he was on the verge of becoming an extremely controlling paranoid person - but dammit the combination of Mitch/Ali/Jason/Jules/Caeleb/Tom (to an extent) got us SO good.

BTW I can say with like 95% certainty that those were the 6 people involved w Alex going. It only makes sense to me that it would be? Ali/Mitch/Tom straight up TOLD me why they did what they did, Jason Bc why the fuck would he vote out Tom, Caeleb has expressed so much paranoia ab Alex that I’d be shocked if he wasn’t on board w it, and honestly Jules just hasn’t said anything ab anything and Alex went home w 5 votes, Benj and Julia voted Jason, Mo was VISIBLY shaken by Alex going, and I know I didn’t do it. So unless I’m missing someone in my process of elimination, those are the 6 people involved in the murder of Alexander Crooks.

Also on a couple unrelated notes - I’m thinking ab willing my vote cover to someone. I just don’t understand why I should be afraid of being exposed - I feel like I shouldn’t have anything to hide yk? Assuming I have to expose my vote I mean, hopefully I don’t! But ya

Also literally the round Before last round I think Caeleb actually exposed the plan to blindside Alex to me ? Like he was talking to me ab Tom and Ali wanting to get him out and then I approached Ali ab it and he was like no that’s not a thing BUT IT WAS A THING!! I think Alex was supposed to go last round, but Bc I confronted Ali ab it then it got pushed back??? Or it was legit just meant for this round smdmmdmd but um ya that’s might be the same plan?? So maybe I’ll expose Caeleb a bit hehehehe.

But honestly tho I think this could be really good for me in the sense that every single person thought of me as a duo w Alex - now I’m kind of a free agent who can do whatever the fuck I want!! Which is fun, the only true alliances I have w people now are just w benj and mo, which is cute and also I doubt anyone would target them anytime soon ? Tom seems like he’s still open to working w me, so are Ali and Mitch. Julia was also blindsided hardcore so maybe she’d be down to work out something too ? Right now I’m just holding out hope knowing for a fact that I CAN make this situation better. I’ve literally BEEN in this situation 2 times already?? I can do this! Just like Co-Star always tells me.

Wait just kidding on the Julia thing I can’t trust her either, I can only trust Jones at the moment.

So I found out from Benj that there was another split vote led by Alex. Last tribal he failed to tell me that they were going to vote out Ian instead of Jason. So this time around, when I found out that they were going to do the same thing to me again, I knew there was no going back with my new connection with Ali. The more I talked around with everyone the more the pieces started to align. Tom and Jason were targets so they would be easy to get involved. With me and Ali that's already 4. Mitch was going to be the fifth, and Jules as well if we felt like he wasn't going to go for it. I honestly wanted to vote Jules first tho, and I talked to Ali and Benj about that originally, but Ali had reservations as Jules is SUCH a flipper. AND THEN Julia voted so early, so I kinda went up to everyone in this new group and was like, "okay that was arrogant I think she's trying to be funny but thats enough for me to vote her," and Ali was way more into that so for a couple hours we had that going. BUT MITCH WAS NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. Like we had our four and we were ready but Mitch didn't come on line until like 40 min before tribal. And when he did he was like I'm voting Alex. I really didn't want to go for Alex right away because of a couple of reasons. One being that if he heard of this vote in anyyy way he might be able to get Jones to play her idol for him and that could destroy everything. SECONDLY, I knew that if we voted him then I was gonna have to do some SERIOUS damage control with Mo and Jones but if I had the opportunity to vote out Julia instead, I can go back to them and say that I knew I had to take the opportunity to be involved in the decisions but I didn't want it to be any of them. SOOO last 40 min I had to make a really big decision if I was gonna vote Alex or Tom and ultimately, I chose to vote out Alex. It just would put me in a better position.

I am so glad I did it to be honest. The moment I saw Alex's name five times I knew I made the right decision. I felt Happy and I felt Free. Alex was clearly using me as a failsafe, an easy first vote out once Me, Mo, Alex, Jones, Julia, Jules, and Ali were left. Now, this game is open up not just for me, but for everybody. I seriously think anyone can take control at this point. I don't need it to be me, I just need it to be someone who likes me. I think Jones is the most dangerous player right now, because of her idol. But I have kept that to myself, as well as her advantage, because while I might have to play the middle ground, I'm not a snitch.

Everyone is always so obsessed with being a hero or a villain. Going into Tumblr Survivor as a new player I really wanted to find out what type of player I was going to become. If I was gonna fit into one of those roles. I don't know what I am. I kinda feel like a villain because clearly that was a devious move, and I broke a strong alliance, but also I feel like I was a villain by default. I didn't necessarily want to be that player, I actually would've loved to have felt safe in that group. But trust has gotta go both ways, and if you show me two tribals in a row that you don't trust me to tell me the whole plan, I'm not gonna stick true with a group that sees me as expendable. So sure I was a villain, but it wasn't about vengeance or deceit or ill-will. It was to put this game back on a balance, and move me into a new spot that can work for me.

Okay, something I have learned about Survivor is that you have to put your Pride in Check. Tom is so nice to me, says a lot of things along the lines of "thanks for saving me," "you and I can go far in this," and such. And he told me he wasn't going to vote me in the first merge vote, and I think he believes that he fooled me. I know he voted me. He's literally the only person that would think voting me was the majority vote, except Ian and Jason. I wanna tell him that I know so badly so he doesn't think he's pulling one over me but I can't because I want him to think he can work with me, that I am in his pocket because he "stuck his neck out for me" or whatever.

Also ummm Mitch told me that Alex had a planned assassination on me for the last vote before merge. But he didn't tell me until after the Alex vote and said Jones was in on it. I know better than to trust what Mitch tells me for sure, so I don't think I will even go and fact check him on it. I honestly don't know how that would've helped Alex in the slightest so I don't know if its true, but also Alex likes to throw out my name as a "just in case" so god who knows. Regardless, I doubt I'll use this information for anything because it honestly doesn't matter going forward, other than that Mitch is a little bit of a snake.

hehe

So I won the reward challenge because I’m cool.

Have

Fucking clue

What to do with this

Like all three of the people voted Alex off without telling me about anything and I was in an alliance chat with all three of them (Ali & Jules in Space Jam, Caeleb in Durmitor Dominators) so like of course I was sad because that meant I was on the outs. Truth be told I kinda wish I didn’t win this because it’s like giving a baby a glock. Because I don’t know how to come out of this without people thinking I’m holding a grudge.

okay so mo won reward which is okay! I dont really wanna ask him to save me, because that will require making promises that I dont know if I'll be able to keep. I expect to be cursed this round.

touchy subjects is going to tank my game like CRAZY. I'm worried that Caeleb, Benj & Jules could all say they trust me most which is highkey terrifying, because if I win that it'll send red flags to all of them. I expect to win the shady game ones, about lying and flipping on alliances and stuff which is not as bad because I can just blame that on Space Jam which I told Caeleb about.

My big fear and this could just be ego-talking, like when I thought I was gonna win the lists challenge and then came second last but I'm so worried about getting the will win if they make it to the end category, thats... a death sentence in my opinion.

Wanna do like a quick update for each person too, just so I can look back when they all hate me at the end of the season:

Benj: my KING. He is such a legend, I love talking to me and do not think I would ever be able to vote for him, except at FTC! Wanna go super far with him, super super far!

Caeleb: Oh god I'm already realising the problem, which is that I love everyone. Caeleb I did not expect to get as close to, but he is so so fun to talk to! I'm really giving with him, and I think he is close to Benj too, so could be a good endgame person too. Will see on that one.

Jason: I love him! I for some reason convinced myself that he hated me during the swap, but I dont think... he does? he is SO smart and fun, I'd love to vote for him at an FTC. Ideally he needs to go before then, but I've lost Ian and Alex who were great shields so he acc probably needs to stick around.

Jones: Okay Jones is tough. Like... we stan becausee she is so much fun and I love talking to her. But talking game with her right now is tough because we have this weird poor communication and I'm conscious of not making empty promises when I want to see her go soon. I really like her on a personal, but I see either me voting her out or her voting me out.

Jules: what can I say except we stan. I talk to her and Benj the most by far, they are just consistently showing why we love them! I think they are such a threat, but I cant face the idea of voting them out eek! Wanna go super far with Jules because I LOVE THEM and they are a great friend and ally!

Julia: I messed up with Julia BAD. I should've told her about the Alex vote, I really think she would've been down, and it would've been so much better. Now she is upset and paranoid, and I feel so bad. I did her wrong and need to make it up to her, but I dont know if I will be able to eeek!

Mitch: he is so funny HDJDKDKD, like the way he talks is so funny. I've had a real rollercoaster relationship with him this season, but I could see some sort of alliance of me/Caeleb/Mitch/Benj coming together in the future! We will see ahh!

Mo: I've been quite harsh about Mo in confessionals this season but I feel like this vote gave him the kick he needs? Like he was playing it super safe and while it frustrates me seeing him say stuff like just keep me to F7 and such, he is, as always great to be around and a lotta fun!

Tom: Sleeping Beauty Tom. It's so funny to me that he stayed despite self-voting and sleeping. He is so much fun, I was determined to make up for our last game and I think I have ahh.

Summary is I wanna see Jones and Mo out next, then Mitch & Jason, then Julia leaving a F5 of Caeleb/ Me/ Benj/ Tom/ Jules? Thats the dream anyway ha!

Maybe I'm just paranoid but I feel like I've backstabbed/betrayed a good amount of people in this game and it's hard because sure they were moves that had to be made, but I hate being THAT PERSON. I don't know. Here's a confession Johnny, I'm trying but I'm bad at these.

So Mo said he was going to give me the reward tonight. He definitely doesn't talk to me as much and is much less excited and fun to talk to but I think I need to just accept that. The fact that he came up to me to tell me he's giving it to me, rather than me asking, makes me think he's telling the truth.

Plus I am being honest with him when I tell him that I don't want it to be him next. I hope he knows that.

Jones meanwhile has yet to say anything to me after last tribal. I finally messaged her last night, saying that I didn't mean anything towards her when I voted Alex. I hope she'll come around, but if not, then umm I kinda have no choice but to be wary of her and her idol and might have to do something about it. I don't want to though, I do wanna work with both her and Mo.

I actually think Julia is on my side. I can’t tell if she’s lying but she seemed upset because apparently no one talked to her about the plan to vote out Alex.

I'm bored at work. This tribal council is Odd as Hell. No one wants to throw out names, no one wants to seem too schemey, so everyone is just talking about being nervous and concerned. I honestly don't know who I want to go home because I think this vote is going to determine the course of this game post-Alex. I know I sure as hell don't want to come off as someone who is dictating the votes, so I'm trying to make it clear that I am willing to go with the flow with anyone who needs a vote rn.

I think there are people who have my back hopefully that will tell me if I need to be worried at least. Ali hopefully would, Tom *hopefully* would (but who knows hes sneaky), Mo was nice enough to give me the reward but um the Alex vote has changed him, I miss the old Mo. come back. Jones finally is talking to me again, but she's still trying to keep some secrets about the last couple of votes so I don't fully trust her. Benj hopefully would, but I was surprised he talks to Julia so much. Jason hopefully would, but now with Alex gone his game opens up tremendously. Julia would never tell me. Mitch wouldn't tell me unless it helped himself which I can't imagine happening. Jules probably wouldn't tell me because she's the easiest to convince into doing something no matter what Touchy Subjects said. She's literally flipped allegiances like every single vote ever. I hope I can survive tonight because I think this is going to be a pivotal vote and literally anyone can go home tonight (except Benj who has the sweet immunity).

HI um I think this game is broken? No one will say anything to anyone. Did I do this? Did I break this game? Or maybe we all did? Maybe Ali did maybe Jules did maybe Mitch did because us four are the middle people and we created an atmosphere where no one trusts anyone? or everyone trusts some people and none of that fits into a substantial person to vote?

I'm literally laughing rn. I am logging off. I am not going to focus on this game because literally every person just says "I don't want to throw a name out" "I haven't heard anything" "what have you heard" Like the gravity of this is crazy. This has gone on for HOURS. I don't know what to do so I am going to ignore my messages for like an hour and then reanalyze because Damn.

APPARENTLY NO ONES SAYING SHIT. But like part of me is like ��Hm.... Yeah ok sure...” thinking it’s gonna be me. Because either everyone is lying to me or everyone’s genuinely confused.

okay i did a video confessionals that's uploading which has my thoughts from a couple of hours ago.

since then jules is pushing for mitch to go... but its so tough. mitch i think has my back, i just wanna vote mo and delay this war by a round. I just want someone like Mo or Jones gone, its getting tough. I'm playing the middle and am in a web of problems.

I have to have Jules back above all. Benj is safe, so I need to keep them safe. I need to get the vote on like Mo or someone, but Caeleb wants to vote Mitch or Jules too... ugh this is getting really messy and I'm worried and tired.

Idk if I sent this yet but

youtube

At the moment rightnow it seems like it’s Jules or Mitch, right now I think,,,, the best way to vote is Mitch. I’m Trying to get everyone on the path for mitch because I think Jules is falling in the “I’m a big threat wah” category and I want that to keep growing,,, I just feel,, so awful.

Mitch if you’re reading this ily w my whole heart and I still wanna crash Drew’s library w you some day

i am... what we call in the business, trash. i upset mitch and deserve to be voted out for it. i'm snappin' hearts on my way to FTC LORD.

0 notes

warmau · 7 years

Note

can i request a ten, taeyong, and haechan neighbour au?? hehe i really love your writing a lot

ten’s birthday is next week, so here’s a kind of early gift to all you ten stans!!and of course, taeyong and haechan stans~（´・｀）♡find mark + jaehyun (here)

Ten

definitely,,,,,, loud

he throws parties on the weekends and practices guitar on the weekdays while also getting REALLY R E A L L Y into nba 2k17,,,,,,

especially if johnny comes over like the two of them cannot shuttup and neighbors always have to go over and be like “quiet down” and johnny apologizes while ten just sneers and is like “YEAH JOHNNY WHY ARE YOU SO LOUD” and johnny is like “i swear once this door is closed-”

but he’s FUN,,,,,like there is not denying that he’s an entertaining, amusing, and great person like why else would his apartment be basically filled to the brim with people who he probably doesn’t even know all that well

yeah the snacks,,,,,but also like?? ten makes great jokes, he’s good at making everyone feel comfortable, and his dancing: a+

he’s the whole package,,,,,,,,,even though his place is a mess monday morning and he has to practically beg taeyong and jaehyun to come over and help him clean

and he once tried to ask hansol and hansol was like “you brought this on yourself lolololol” and the proceeded to hang up on him whenever ten tried to call him back (real friends are like this tbh)

speaking of which ten has ,,,,, like no idea how to keep his things organized,,,,,,,,because he has so much stuff like every time he leaves his house he’s wearing a brand new outfit

and everyone is like bro you spend way too much money on clothes,,,,,why do you need so much and ten is like Firstly: it’s fashion you Wouldn’t Get It,,,,,,,,secondly someone stole some of my pants from my last party ok leave it alone

but his apartment itself is pretty cool, like somehow he got mark to ask renjun to come over and paint on his wall and it turned out really cool and ten’s the type to have fancy stuff for no reason like did you really need to buy a lamp that looks like a chandelier and ten is like yeah i did bye

cute lil secret: he keeps letters from his parents back in thailand in a shoebox in his locked closet so it’s safe because it’s the one thing he refuses to lose,,,,,,,,,,,

but you know ten if not because you have to listen to the music he blasts at each of his parties and him yell at his friends when they play games but also,,,,,,,,,on multiple occasions

ten has come to you for help

with many,,,,,,,,,,different,,,,,,,,thing

one of the most common is he always ends up needing a place to crash for the night because someone else fell asleep in his bed,,,,,,and his couch,,,,,,,,and on his floor. then there was the time he woke up with his head in a bowl of uneaten ramen and the noodles had gotten stuck in his ear piercings and you had to get them out while ten cried about how gross that was,,,,,and of course the most famous: ten gets tipsy and Emotional and you,,,,,,,well

you listen to him

mind you in the morning when he’s all better ten is just like “hEY thanks for letting me cry and ,,,,,,,,, stuff let’s never talk about this again!!!!”

and you feel bad because ,,,,,,,lmao you’re just his neighbor who also knows his deepest insecurities and fears and it’s like????? you never have the heart to get mad at him for knocking on your door at 2 am

but also,,,,,,you like then ten that is open with his feelings. the ten that cuddles into your arm face first and mumbles that you’re so sweet to him, so kind

but when ten,,,,,,is being his loud, fun self he��s not exactly that person

until you end up being the one in need of help,,,,,knocking on ten’s door at some odd hour and he opens it, shocked to see you and you’re like

“where is your alcohol stash,,,,,,,,give it it to me” and ten slows you down by catching you around the waist and he’s like “are you o-?” and you’re like NOPE IM NOT ,,,,,,give me,,,,,,,,,the,,,,,,,,drinks

but ten isn’t letting you go and he’s like “sit down, tell me whats up” and you grumble that it doesn’t matter, trying to hide behind your hair a bit so he can’t see that you had been crying

but ten just shakes his head and he’s like “c’mon,,,,,i know you listen to me when i come sobbing over to you,,,,,,tell me what it is”

and you’re like “ten,,,,,,,,,,,do you even see me as a friend? or am i just the closest person near you when you have to complain?”

and it’s quiet and ten kind of looks at you, but then he gently pokes the center of your forehead and he’s like “of course you’re my friend,,,,,,to be honest,,,,,,,ive always thought of you as more than that. to me,,,,like i want,,,,,,,want you to be more than a friend but,,,,,,,i know you don’t feel that way so i just wanted to be close to you,,,,,,,,”

and for the first time you’re hearing ten stutter over his words (when he’s not drunk) and you’re like “wait wait wait stop”

and you put your finger to his lips and he’s like ??? and you’re like

“you want me to be more than your friend?” and ten is like ,,,,,,,, “how,,,,,,,,,well,,,,,,let me say it like this it’s hard not to fall for the person who pulled ramen out of my earrings for me.”

and you’re blinking a bit, completely forgetting the thing that made you upset because wait. is ten confessing??????

and you’re like “so you like me?” and he’s like “yes, i like you. i thought bothering you all the time made that obvious”

and you’re like aljfkddkskre it didnt,,,,,,and ten is like “huh, did you also not hear when johnny screamed ‘GO CONFESS TO THE PERSON NEXT DOOR THAT YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH THEM YOU IDIOT’???”

and you’re like holy shit no i missed that too

and ten is like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,how

Taeyong

the model neighbor

as in he looks like an actual model, and is also super clean and quiet and ??? just very overly polite like he just wants people to like him ya know?????

he’s barely home because he’s always over at his friends houses doing their chores because they never want to,,,,,,like when taeyong explained that you have to change your bedsheets at least every three weeks ten dam near had a heart attack because he was like “ive been sleeping on just my mattress for the past 7 months” and taeyong was like HOW ARE YOU A PERSON

taeyong loves cute stationary, and cute mugs, and owns an apron with little kitten embroidered on the side and those hanging plants that he decorated his bedroom with and idk he’s got like,,,,,,a clock that looks like a sunflower

like taeyong,,,,,,,,is just a boy who loves things that make his apartment more adorable and clean

owns every cleaning product imaginable and dedicated a whole closet to them

the type to have labels on all his cupboards and shelves and you open his refrigerator and everything is labeled it’s like,,,,,,how does he have the damn nerve to do this

also: uses coasters for his drink because he gets anxious about drinks spilling onto his rug

but yeah other than that,,,,he’s kinda awkward around most people,,,,but he does his best to smile and come off sweet

and you’ve seen him,,,,,,lugging home like three different brands of detergent and a new mop every week and you’re like huh so he’s super,,,,,,like,,,,,,,into cleaning

which you’re like is fine but you,,,,,after only recently moving in,,,,hasn’t even unpacked half your things yet and everytime your friends from your original hometown call you’re like (—: im an adult. my apartment is nice and sparkly and im doing fine

(this is a lie. you’ve been living off fast-food and half your stuff is still in boxes)

which is why when your best friend says she’ll be visiting tomorrow you’re like HOLD UP

and you know just the person to go a solicit help from. taeyong

and when you knock on his door he’s like surprised because you two have never held a solid conversation

and he is like “oh hello, i know we’ve never properly-”

and you’re like “you have 309458 mops right. you got a duster,,,,,,thing,,,,,,,,right”

and he’s like “feather duster?” and you’re like YEAH THAT,,,,,,,listen i need help now

and when you explain that you (being the lazy person we ALL are) didn’t unpack or clean or do anything and your friend is coming tomorrow and you don’t want to look like a Failure of an Adult in front of her,,,,,,,well taeyong kind of looks at you and is like

“,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,fine ill get the swivel sweeper”

and you guys spend like 7 hours getting your things unpacked and taeyong is really good at like????? decorating and he’s like “OH i have the peRFECT thing”

and he runs over to his place and comes back holding this cute like paper weight in the shape of like a giraffe and he puts it on your desk and you’re like “,,,,,,,,,,what is that” and he’s like “are you really an adult?”

but he helps you a lot and it’s kind of fun, he has like,,,,,,,,a really nice laugh you made a pun about like cleaning and he almost fell over laughing it was really,,,,,,,,,,cute

and once you’re done you’re like how should i thank you

and he’s like “it’s fine, you don’t have to!!”

and you’re like,,,,,,,,,,but i should but he’s like really no it’s nothing

but even after he leaves,,,,,,you’re like this is mean he worked so hard for me

and it bugs you, even after you friend comes over and is like WOW this place is so clean im impressed

that you end up going out and buying one of those cute little home humidifiers and you’re like “this seems taeyong-ish”

and you knock on his door again and he’s like “oh!!! do you need to borrow my mo-” and you’re like “here!!!!!! it’s a small gift,,,,,,but i thought you might like it,,,,,,,,,,,,,”

and he looks down at the bag and he gets super duper red and he’s like “i,,,,,,,,i can’t accept this,,,,,,,it’s too much,,,,,,”

and you’re like ashofvd you spent SIX HOURS cleaning my house for me pleASE

and finally you manage to get taeyong to take the gift and you’re like “anyway,,,,,,,,,,seriously thank you”

and taeyong kind of hesitates but he’s like

“do you,,,,,,,,,,,,wanna come inside,,,,,,,,,i don’t usually let people over but,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,”

and you’re like huh oh sure!!! and ok his house looks like a palace there isn’t any dirt anywhere

and when he makes you a cup of tea there’s like little cute bears on the mug and you’re looking at the cup and at taeyong’s beautiful face and you

can’t help but giggle and he’s going red again like,,,,,,,am i funny?? are you laughing at me??

and you’re like “no no no you’re just so,,,,,,,,,,much cuter than i expected!!”

and taeyong damn near falls over,,,,,,,you called him CUTE?!?!?! and you’re like “i didn’t think someone so chic would be into little cute animals” and taeyong is like im not,,,,,,chic,,,,,,,,plus animals are so,,,,,adorable right

and you’re like omg taeyong you i should have gotten you a big stuffed bear and he’s like aGHDSd no,,,,,,i love what you got me don’t worry about it

and he’s so cute getting nervous and staring at his lap,,,,,,,you can’t help but wanna lean over and like kiss his face but you don’t

even though tbh taeyong is like,,,,,,,,,i wouldn’t mind being kissed by them,,,,,,,,like in his head LOL

Haechan

thought he was old enough to be totally fine living alone. and he is,,,,,,,except he goes over to everyones house for his meals and got mark’s netflix password so he didn’t have to pay for it himself

how many times has yuta lent him his nintendo ds? like 32424234

jaehyun is convinced haechan took his ricecooker,,,,,,,,,but he has no way to prove it except that haechan was like “nooo hyung i got this at the mall on sale i promise!!!!” and jaehyun is like “then where did mine disappear to?” and haechan is like thats your problem,,,,so,,,,,,

but it’s ok because everyone adores him because if he wants something all he has to do is be a cute kid and bam! he gets it

and although he’s a little trickster, and sometimes his hyungs fall into his traps. he shows that he cares for them too

and especially for his friends that are younger, like when chenle and jisung come over to hangout haechan will literally be like “if you stay past 10. you have to sleepover. im not letting you go out in the dark.”

and he knows how taeyong hates messes so he brought coasters just for him and he always has snacks that he knows mark likes

like YES he can be a bit of ,,,,,,,,,,, a devil but he’s a sweetheart too

his apartment isn’t full of too many toys or anything he actually has a pretty mature taste

and if anything he just really likes having a space for him to write and think clearly because to me, haechan is really creative and so he’d like a big desk with post-its and books full of ideas,,,,he just comes off that way

but he’d have some like cute joke stuff like a really bad photo of johnny framed and on his bookshelf or something LOL

also idk why,,,,,,but haechan seems like he’d have a dog,,,,,like a corgi,,,,,or a beagle,,,,,,,,,

anyway you’re really close with haechan because you love love love teasing doyoung and mark and jaehyun

you guys kind of bonded over pulling harmless pranks together

and so for ten’s upcoming birthday you and him decided to make cookies but to fill some up with hot sauce or wasabi just to see ten run around the room arms flailing

but as you know,,,,,,doing anything with haechan can’t be a calm and clean process

halfway through you try to feed him some vanilla extract saying it’s melted white chocolate and he tries to get some icing on the side of your face

but it’s all fun and games like,,,,,,,you love being in each others company because you guys never get sick of being silly

until someone (probably haechan) ends up spilling some of the eggs on the floor and neither of you notice

until you slip on your way to the oven and go tumbling backwards

and you’re like haechan!!!!!! look out!!!!!

but he’s like throwing down the flour he’s holding to outstretch his arms and catch you

but it just ends up with both of you on the floor, covered in the eggs and sugar and flour

and you’re leaning against haechan whose hit his arm on the counter coming down

and you’re like “are you ok????” and haechan is like “no i think im bleeding”

and he puts his hand up and you see some red and you’re like HAECHAN oh my god im so sO SOrry let me get a bandage omg do you not have any here let me rip some off this tissue -

and then out of nowhere he starts to laugh and you’re like ??????? and he’s like “it’s just some red icing, im fine!!!”

and you sit there on the floor, and frown and you’re like “you scared me!!!!! i thought you were hurt,,,,if i had hurt you i don’t know what i-”

and haechan can see the sadness in your eyes and automatically his smile falls

and he’s like “im sorry, it was a dumb joke why are you so worried about me anyway, you know im indestructible!”

and you know he’s playing around but you still take his wrist and turn his arm to make sure he isn’t hiding that he might be really hurt

and you’re like “im glad you’re ok,,,,,,,,,,,,”

and haechan looks at you, still holding his arm and he’s like

“wait,,,,,,,,,,,,,did you get all worried about me like that because maybe,,,,,,,”

and you look up wide eyes and you’re like “UH”

and haechan is like snapping his fingers like “YOU LIKE ME?”

and you’re ike UHHHHHH WHAT SHUT UP NO WAY

but haechan is like mimicking your voice and he’s like “you scared me!!!” but then he reaches out and pulls you toward him into a hug

and he’s like “seriously, you could have just told me because i like you too!!!!!!”

and you’re like haECHAN don’t be playing some kind of joke on me-

and he’s like “this isn’t a joke, i promise, for real this time.”

and you can’t help but blush and be like “we’re covered in eggs let’s not hug-” but haechan just pushes you closer because like c’mon he totally would

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kietamitai · 7 years

Text

An extremely long vent and personal thoughts post

I have to title it because it is what it is. And honestly, I’m going to explain everything that’s been going on with my personal feelings, mental/emotional state, and current situation.

I have somewhat vented/talked about this on twitter but making a long post on my blog seems to be much better. This is likely to be my last resort of anything. Nothing bad will happen but this is to tell you that I am currently not in a good mood.

All I ask is that if you read the post, just like the post. And maybe give it a few days before asking if I am alright. DO NOT REPLY TO THIS OR SEND ME A MESSAGE I BEG OF YOU (I am not saying it to be avoidant like I will end up sounding angry if you do).

Don’t read it if you’re not in the right mood to read it. It has some questionable bits but yeah.

OK so on the first and forefront of current situation cause it’s probably the shortest.

Personally speaking, nothing is happening at home, however, I am left with a vague sense of I have to do something because everyone in the family sees me as lazy and undisciplined.

I am worried that if I started to move, that everything is going to go pretty bad. This fear is completely normal on any standard, but the problem is that this feeling is immensely different from what people may think.

Since I had recently learned about people with ADHD having Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), everything I have experienced up until this point finally makes sense.

It is that fear of unwanted “rejection” and “negative response/feedback.”

Needless to say, some things have happened in the past that drastically shaped who I am today and my rather laid back personality, but this fear of failure came as a result. It can sometimes make me immobile.

When I get paranoid over whether or not I fuck something up, I LITERALLY FREAK OUT SOMETIMES OK?

But aside from this foreboding feeling about needing to do something (which will come in due time because I have a feeling that I’ll take that step out there sooner or later), here’s the more social part of the situation.

After what feels like I offended a friend and some what apologizing and owning up to my own reactions, I sorta ended getting slapped in the face with them implying that they don’t care. Like, I have a feeling that it’s not what they actually meant, but it’s also quite obvious that if I tried to ask for clarification, I will get yelled at for being stupid and I HATE THAT THE MOST CAUSE I GET THAT A LOT.

And this is just on the personal side of things— I dunno what their intentions or implications are. They just don’t seem to want to say that it is possibly their fault that it happened, even when I pointed it out that it is. And well, they seem to have misinterpreted the whole point of my message as well, but I just gave up on even trying to clarify myself any further cause I just woke up from a nap at the time and I almost didn’t even want to respond to that with the way they word it.

I’d rather not go into detail about that since it is an insanely minor thing, but with the way they sorta avoid me in general, it just feels like they’re scared of me or something. I’m not one to push on to make someone uncomfortable for answers so if they read this and recognize it’s them, good job I guess?

I’m probably not on their radar anyways cause they got their own shit to worry about, so really, I’d only be surprised if they ended up reading this pile of mess and then going up to my IM/ask and be like, “You fuck ass are u talking shit about me?”

On that, it is only complicated feelings coming from me. I’m not here to shit on someone for their circumstances, but in the meantime, I’m avoiding them cause like I feel like if I start talking again, I WILL FUCK UP REALLY BADLY or even worse, THEY WILL FLAT OUT JUST IGNORE ME.

My answer will most likely not be positive with them specifically if questioned in such a rude way.

And RSD likes to make things worse on the social side of things even if I simply just want to check up on them and ask if they’re doing alright. Similar situations has happened before, and when that happens, trust me, that’s when I know a friendship isn’t meant to be. I am not distant because I don’t know how to get close to people.

It’s happened too many times. Really, even if it hurts, I have to stop caring and let it go.

But on that regard, after talking to some more people, I end up getting this feeling of... isolation. I had read somewhere that ADHD may make it so that it ends up feeling like I can’t connect to people.

It sorta reels in the whole experience.

It isn’t like I want their kind of friendship, but in any friendship, I can tell that I don’t get a lot of attention. It’s like seeing a friend connect to another friend better than you can connect to either of them. I’ve always been left alone a lot so honestly, it’s nothing new.

I don’t like it when people are too too clingy to me but when they’re insanely distant, it makes me feel like my existence is just around for them to waste time.

In most cases, I just end up asking for people to say hi to me or something and get no response. Well, I know everyone has lives to run, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling insanely bitter or even bad to the point where I feel like I’ve been annoying and trying too hard and people are just FED UP with my antics and choosing to ignore me.

After a while, you get used to the feeling and you stop caring.

But in summary, if I had done a small mistake that warranted a negative response (or in a way I perceive it as negative) then I will remember that for a long time and my fear is that you’ll bring it up again cause by that time, you’ve already seen me in a different light and you’ll probably subconsciously remember it and maybe bring it up subtly where I’ll be like “o fuck did I fuck up again” and PARANOIA ENSUES.

Another summary is that I’ve been feeling like I’m lacking a sense of self again.

This isn’t an uncommon dilemma. I’ve never given it much thought as long as I can make it believable to an extent. I stopped caring because I’ve been disciplined a lot for smaller things and been compared.

Not to mention a big part of it happened when the grandma I live with decided to berate me one day. That was the day I felt like a stranger to my own family.

I’ve been living with constant less praise and more reprimanding. When people praise me, I am happy, but I am always left feeling that I am deceiving them.

People call me one thing but I dunno which am I. I have come to find out that it is who I am. I am probably like a chameleon lol

But really, I have a terrible sense of self and sometimes when I really think about it, I have no idea what really makes up me. I’ve been collecting and amassing different personalities and stuff like that.

Perhaps that knowledge is how I come to understand people fairly easily.

The more I try to find out more about myself, the more I end up losing a sense of who I am. The less I try, the more I end up feeling like nothing.

My feelings of being worthless isn’t because of any emotional reason, it is a fairly logical reason. I am simply not someone that resources should go to.

In fact, sometimes I wish I can suffer, but apparently, I can’t have that either. It takes too much time for me to just make myself suffer, it’s just easier to do nothing. I don’t even have the energy to make myself hated enough to want to be forgotten.

From drifting between being worthless and having my mistakes rebound on me, making it more than enough for me to want to stab myself, to feeling just slightly better about my day, it has been kinda tough.

Sometimes it’s not that I want to think about it and sometimes it just happens as a thought. But sometimes, something triggers my thoughts.

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts and well I’ve started to notice that it’s making me less likely to do stuff I wanted to do or just to do anything at all.

I am for once getting in to a unstable state of mind.

It could be that I am drained from watching my other grandma for the past month and a half, or that I feel like I’m being RUSHED to do something people expect me to do.

I don’t know if what I’m thinking about doing is the right choice.

I’m not sure if I’m important to people anymore. I feel like an expendable. Do people even care about me enough to understand how I feel? Do people know me enough to tell me, they know me? Do people really know who I am?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m joking about dying or not. It sometimes feels like it’d be better if I can somehow die and be forgotten.

None of these feelings are new, perhaps maybe thinking that death is a fiscally better and logical option might be something a little more new.

I don’t know any more at times. My feelings tend to fluctuate daily and I have days where I’m a little better off then most lol

It’s probably also this bad because jet lag and some stuff making me really anxious??

I dunno but since I was getting distracted, I have no idea what I wanted to type by the time I got to this point. But I’ll end off with something—

I’ve always felt pretty meh about life. Perhaps MAYBE due to ADHD, it may influence my own ability to stay emotionally attached/devoted for too long. It’s almost like feeling you’re both half full and half empty when I’m not feeling anything really. But I guess it was better than the me before I turned 20.

Perhaps that’s just me. I haven’t been feeling like... myself.

It’s a little hard to explain, but what else can I do than to wait it out?

I never experience a feeling for long anyways lol

My days have been feeling kinda dreadful and tiring. Idk if I can keep up with people in general anymore.

This is probably what I get for being who I am.

#teru's incessant mumbling #negativity/////

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