#idk i find that interesting cus thats kinda not at all what i got from him

[mugentakeda]

i saw fanart for this age old unfinished fic and was so interested by the premise that i simply HAD to give the concept my own spin.... Ill put my notes under the cut cus it got kinda long lol

-FIRST OF ALL. i headcanon lu ten as a powerful firebender (like, lightning bending powerful. not an expert at it yet, but can generate it at will. only recently picked it up before the siege.) that can Also use a weapon. he picked it up for funsies and ended up taking it seriously and then excelling. he learned under piandao and in turn later introduced him to zuko. His weapon that he made with piandao was a more traditional jogekama yari, which he had on him when he was captured. long feng destroyed it and had a new jogekama yari made for lu ten in a more sleek earth kingdom style, with longer and more savage blades. **ALSO: lu tens jogekama yari is based on saras yari from samurai champloo!!!! i just made the side blades curved in opposite directions (which made it a jogekama instead of saras type of yari) -lu ten does not interact with the other agents. whether brainwashed or amnesic in this, hes not even one of the secret police that go around arresting people. hes a lone agent that works Directly under long feng and is more of an assassin and spy thats permitted in and out of ba sing se for the missions and jobs long feng sends him on, unlike the rest of the agents. as a gift for his (made up) birthday, long feng gave him a hand carved stone earring. Yes, its a tracker. yes, lu ten knows that. No, he doesn't care and wears it anyway. his boss can do what he wants, and he trusts his boss with his life (lol). the other dai li agents know of lu tens existence, less have seen him with their own eyes, none are permitted to speak to him if they do. they dont know hes a "nonbender". -i havent decided on whether or not i want lu ten brainwashed in this or simply amnesic?? it would be neat if he was the brainwash soft launch since the ba sing se conspiracy brainwashing only started After the siege. lu ten is a firebender, has that fn royalty brand iron willpower, so youd think thats hard to brainwash especially if he was the soft launch, but if long feng kept up the sessions regularly over the course of 6-ish years (and as their brainwashing techniques improved), id doubt it would rub off. its a seven layer salad of brainwashing. and even if he was amnesic rather than brainwashed, theyd still need to do some adjustments in lu tens head to TOTALLY wipe out any idea of firebending, on top of regular chi blocking. -as for the amnesic part, i read a theory that introduced the idea that lu ten being killed was an inside job orchestrated by ozai. which i dont think would be canon, but it would be pretty cool?? like especially considering how FAST he jumped on azulon about heirs. very suspicious indeed. and all too convenient: have a group of moles set in irohs army, once lu ten moves out away from iroh then corner him, kill him, make it look like the earth army did it, sneak back to the fire nation, ozai gets the crown. easy as pie. -and to combine one of MY OWN aus with the above, aka the one where zhao and lu ten were both taught together under jeong jeong, the first time that zhao REALLY made a big move into ozais pocket was offering to be the head mole in irohs army. it made perfect sense to ozai, and he gladly sent zhao on his way- him being close rivals with him will catch him off guard and make the job far easier. and if zhao succeeds, and KEEPS succeeding, when ozai undoubtedly snatches the crown, he will grant zhao all the rewards and titles he could ever want until the cows come home. snazzy deal.

so whichever one of those you guys find cooler will be the one i go with because frankly both of them have the same amount of fun angst and drama idk......................

-as for lu tens face and arm, i base that off how i think lu ten died, not even gna lie. in the case where he is dead i think half his skull got crushed open and his arm was blown right off from the bicep. the stitches are just for aesthetic purposes. i was inspired by how scars are drawn in one piece, and because they give a "frankensteins monster" type look, which i found fitting, since this is a 'came back wrong' trope/winter soldier-esque au. the bandages covering his face was a suggestion from an anxious long feng to hide his face in public, while the ba sing se conspiracy was still fresh and the citizens might recognize the spawn of the dragon of the west if they looked long enough.

-as for lu ten and long fengs relationship, i havent thought about it enough, but im definitely imagining smthn along the lines of "you were always working for me, i picked you up and trained you when you had nothing, you owe me your life and loyalty", mixed with some gentle stockholm syndrome. like, a combination of "the king and his most loyal guard dog", a very strange psuedo father-son relationship??? (which was honestly accidental on long fengs part. but he kept it up because he found the irony amusing. yes he will try and rub that in irohs face. yes iroh will beat his skull in for it. its chill)

-this has nothing to do with the au but please see iroh and zukos body language in the third panel of the comic... i love to portray them as protective of each other... zukos blade placed before iroh, irohs arm switching from shoulder to shoulder as zuko turns, always placed between him and whatever is approaching... Heurghhh (GRIPS HEAD

#BUT YEAH I HOPE U GUYS LIKE TJIS ... if that ends up being the case maybe ill talk abt it more and expand a bit further... #BUT ONLY IF U GUYS LIKE IT I PROMISE. #yes this woudl probably change the outcome of book 2 thats a whole other can of beans #lu ten #iroh #zuko #long feng #atla #avatar the last airbender #alicias art

[thenumber-e]

Wifeyyyyy! Tell me about Craig's sports Hobbies? Or Hobbies in general:3

ok feeling shitty rn so this’ll (hopefully) get my mind off of stuff

anyways oh boy there are SO many of these that i have this is gonna get long i think

starting off with sports, i feel like he’d be an active guy. not like gym bro buff craig kinda stuff you see, he’s definitely a lanky beanpole. but i feel like he does a few sports so has a bit of muscle

first off, basketball. i’m a truther for this one, i don’t see it a lot tho. like, i hc him as being pretty tall, and i don’t have much like canon advice to back this up but that and the fact that there’s a basketball in his garage in tsot- but i think it jus fits him tbh. and also because it’s funny, he’s a total fucking loser nerd, but since yk i’ve gotta stick to canon sometimes, he’s technically popular and attractive, he definitely has like a jock alter-ego or smth stupid like that LMAO

he definitely seems like a hockey guy. like- the enforcer is so him. he’d totally wanna beat people up just cus he can. also i think he’d be a really good skater- i think he’s a pretty well balanced person physically. also, i see kyle as doing hockey, and they’re definitely close. i just see them being friends making sense, so now theyll have a sport together. also- because im insane, ike does hockey too and kyle and craig help him practice

i believe i’ve seen this once, but yk. i always see boxer tweek and don’t get me wrong i love that, but i feel like craig would continue doing martial arts afterwards too. like he’s canonically a violent and angry guy, but he’s kinda mellowed out, and i feel like that’s him just holding it back or smth cus he gets in trouble alllll the time. tweek also probably scolds him for it. but i feel like it would be a good way for him to get out any extra emotions, because he is NOT good at expressing those. also, back onto lanky criag, he’s got long limbs, and i feel like that’s good for someone to do martial arts (trust me im projecting) also, that’s also why he has good balance i feel.

alright, done with sports, just normal hobbies.

starting off, he’s 100% a music guy. i see stuff about him preferring podcasts over music, but i see him as a total music guy. in @panicatthecourtx more recent posts, she kinda went over that stuff, but because yk, im the craig ceo i’ll go over it too. i call it dad rock cus thats what my dad listens to, but he definitely listens to nirvana, ac/dc, weezer, that kinda stuff. he’s just a nerd. but i feel like he’d also have music as a way to vent in some sort of way? idk if it makes sense this is just how my brain works, but when he’s stressed, overstimulated, or just down in the dumps he zones out and just listens to music. he’s also just a nerd

space, duh. he could go on and on about that shit for hours. he can make every constellation, am every galaxy, all the nebulas, and basically anything. especially black holes. they fascinate him, he finds them so interesting and yk. is a nerd about em. ik it doesn’t really tie in with space stuff but i’ll put it here, he definitely loves conspiracy theories, especially ones about aliens and stuff. he thinks of his own all the time. especially about other space related things. also, back to conspiracy, death absolutely fascinates him. he just want to know what happens after that.

this is a basic one, but sleeping. he’s the heaviest sleeper ever, literally sleeps 24 fuckin 7

he’ll never admit it, but he kinda likes school. not because he likes sitting around all day or listening to teachers drone on and on, it’s because usually he can talk about things. in classes he enjoys, it’s his favorite thing ever. i also see him as that one kid who literally never studies or pays attention and yet has all A’s in every class.

he’s 100% a reader. he can zone out and not lay attention to anything. he gets lost in books all the time and it’s so nerdy but he loves it. it’s almost like an escape from reality which he likes. he’d never admit it, but he frets stressed pretty easily so he enjoys the way to just be alone in his own world. this also ties in with the music hc- he probably listens to music while reading. he also just zones out a lot in general

this also kinda feeds into music headcanons but he skateboards. he just gives me 90s grunge/kurt cobain vibes and youll never change my mind on this. he thinks he’s so fuckin cool but he’s just some random ass lame kid but he gets away with it cus he’s mildly popular or whatever. but he definitely has a little mini skateboard for stripe

why do these headcanons keep feeding off of each other? i dont know but yk its ok. craig fucking loves mini things. it’s definitely iconic, cus my craig is really tall and has big ass hands. but small things remind him of tweek (my tweek is like 5’8 so compared to him yeah kinda short) but he’s just gay and loves anything and everything that reminds him of tweek

i’ve also realized i don’t need a really detailed description for everything so yeah uhh (don’t mind this it’s my train of thought)

he collects shit he has the most random stuff in his room. random lego pieces he found that he thought were cool, a shit tom of rocks, different leaves, little trinkets, anything space related, stickers, just stupid stuff. those are just the basics, but he has soooo much stuff

he loves making detailed lists and ordering them and stuff

going on hikes he loves hiking he just loves the outdoors tho

stargazing is a must. he loves it and has specific times and places for them

from like a singular scene in like on episode, he plays the fuckin violin cus he’s cool like that yk. because friends, he and wendy practice together- a friend headcanons that she plays the flute, so yk it works.

hanging out with friends is a must. especially clyde they have the bromance ever they’re so lovey dovey best friends

it’s like 2am and i’m getting lazy so here ya go this isn’t even half but alas it’s ok so have fun with my stupid ass spews ty for ur time

#south park #craig sp #craig tucker #south park craig #sp creek #tweek sp #tweek tweak #tweek x craig #clyde donovan #kyle broflovski #kyle south park #sp kyle #sp clyde #ike broflovski #ike south park #sp ike #sp headcanons #gwenrants

[antiradqueer]

To be honest I think it would be interesting if there were actual terms for things like "transcute" "transshy" or things like that because I feel like there are so many reasons why someone would want to have a certain personality that they don't have.

like for example (and that's definitely is not my own experience, never, how could it /j) someone with OCD or a personality disorder who feels like a "dirty" (immoral) person or is perceived that way but wishes they were seen and have a cuter personality, not just to be perceived as moral but because that is who that person should be and cannot do so due to disorders.

Of course, it is a very specific case and this term is not necessary at all, but I still see a cool use for a term like this. idk, I just think it would have some use that is not so bad as it is.

there is a term for it for people w/out disorders like that it its called "growing and changing as a person", its like the same as the trans-job n trans-artstyle and trans-fashion stuff, you dont need words for this kinda shit cus its literally just how shit works, you want a job, you want to learn to draw, etc. these arnt "trans" or "im transitioning" things. secondly the transcute stuff is definitely a self conscious thing, ive seen someone in our notes abt it iirc that talked abt transcute and transsmart etc. so if you see that post thats basically what i wanna say here.

the stuff for OCD or personality disorders i think labels like those shouldnt exist either bc to me that feels like its internalised ableism n hatered or straight up guilt over the people who demonise and hate people for those things, i dont think anyone with personality disorders or ocd or anything else should feel like that, i dont think terms for these things should exist because i feel it harms the one w/ the disorder and strengthens the people who think all of us are nutjobs who need to be locked in a hospital.

i can 100% see where youre comming from dont get me wrong. as someone whos got some ambiguous undiagnosed shit going on, people find me offputting, gross, strange, stupid, scary, and so on, for the ways that i act n the symptoms i show, i wish people saw past the symptoms and saw me differently, ofc you would want that to change and be perceived as nice or "normal" but i think it should be different because that fuels the hatered towards those things more, u shouldn't have to change or want to change because someone is making u guilty over something like OCD or a personality disorder. end of. you can feel guilty ofc, we all do, but we dont need to give in to what those people who want us to be "normal" or get chucked into a hospital til we are "normal" want.

thats just my 2 am just slept since like 6 pm brain tho lol, could word this far better but im too tired n just went through something today at school that i didnt think would happen ever in my life and i cant even get into on here but like yeah. take this rant with that little thought too, my brain is all kinds of exhausted rn...

#anti radqueer #anti transid #anti transx #mod mew

[daydream-walker]

Hey! Idk if you do requests but if you do do you think you could do a platonic my inner demons x teen reader? She lives with Ava and (projecting cus why cope when silly demon men) had a pretty shitty life before that and had issues opening up to people so maybe after one particular night she broke down and idk but I’ve had this idea of Leif and Asch watching tv into the night, just imagine them as older brother figures as the reader is just slumped on one of them after a really shifty day but finally admits to themselves that they accept and trust the guys and found family troupe lol

LMFAO SORRY THIS IS A LOT I HAVE A LOT OF IDEAS

Ofc I do requests! And this is just an overall platonic one as you asked and I hope this pleases you! If I missed or messed up something do tell me! <3

Summary: My inner demons boys x teen!reader (platonic)

You live with ava and the daemos boys and finally show that you trust them and their like your older brothers.

Tw:SLIGHT angst(?)

Big demon brothers!

One night you were just in your own room and thinking back on your past and it was upsetting you. It cause you to be on the verge of tears.

Trying to think of a way to cheer yourself up you think maybe you could go find Pierce and see if maybe you could get some head pats from him. But remembering it's really late it may not be the best idea and you could upset and just decided that all the bad memories and thoughts would go away in the morning.

When you wake up to your alarm the next morning you get ready and do your daily routine and head to work. As you head out of your room you find Noi sitting on the kitchen counter talking to Ava.

"Morning Y/N." Ava says with a yawn. Usually she isn't up this early but it seems Noi had somthing or other to talk to her about. Some how Noi noticed your still slightly off from last night and asks if your okay. You reply saying your fine and hurry out the door so not to have any of the more demanding Daemos boys (*cough* Asch *cough*) get up.

While you worked all you could only think of was the boys and how close you all got. They were kinda like your older brothers! They treated you like your their own flesh and blood even if your human and them Daemos. But thats silly. They probably just see you and Ava as prisoners. Nothing more.

It was just a bit after the sunsetting when you finally got home. Ava had ordered food from the nearest restaurant that delivered so when you got home you found all the boys trying said food. Rhys was asking Ava questions on how it was made and who were the 'servants' that brought this food.

Leif was the first one to notice you come in.

"Hey Y/N." He says showing off his sharp teeth in a grin. Pierce gives you a small smile. And Asch grumbles "You took your time coming back, prisoner." You grab yourself a portion of the food it was one of your favorite foods. Noi asks "So what did you do today Y/N?" And you came up with somthing to make your job seem more exciting then it actually is. In doing so you entrap all the boys in your story and they seem very interested and asked questions here and there. They seemed to actually care about what your saying. Even if they all have odd ways of showing it.

After you all finish eating Ava ends up going to bed early and leaves you with the boys. You guys are watching that socky show that the boys seem to adore! While you sit in the middle of Leif and Asch on the couch you let your mind wander.

Slowly some of the boys go to bed. Pierce leaves with a quiet goodnight and gives you some more lovely headpats. Noi gets sleepy slouching on his place on the edge of the couch and you finally get him to hed to his room he gives you a sleepy smile and mumbles a goodnight and heading to bed. Then finally Rhys heads to bed too and tells you three not to stay up to late, cause he is the sensible one. Asch scoffs and Leif shrugs it off. They were to into Socky the sock puppet. Rhys sighs and bids you goodnight. Then its just you three. As it gets closer to midnight you end up slouching and leaning on Leifs shoulder.

He notices after a minute. He is kinda confused about but he remembers how Pierce always pat your head and believes maybe thats what he should do in this situation. He may not have the best headpats but they were still nice.

So as you drift off to sleep you think of these Daemos. Who seem to care about you. Who seem to see you more then a prisoner. More then just a friend. Your like their own flesh and blood. Your part of their found family. They care about you even when others won't. Their your brothers. No matter what!

The end.

Okay this is like my first request so I hope you like it! If I didn't do it as you hoped please let me know and I can try to re-do it! Anyways it's like three in the morning for me. Goodnight/day to you all!<3

#aphmau #aphblr #aphverse #fandom #headcanon #aphmau my inner demons #my inner demons #request #aphmau au #fanfiction #fanfic #aphmau fanfiction #aphmau fandom #aphmau fic #x reader #platonic #answered asks #my post #aphmau headcanons

[the1975attheirverybest]

A couple of things regarding the cat:

1. They don't belong to anyone or got out from where she lives and is now lost. From the video, it looks like at least one of her wounds are infected or is on the brink of becoming so. Most vets would recommend that they be kept indoors until their wounds are at least healed to reduce the risk of this happening. So don't be scared of accidentally kidnap someone's cat cus if they belong to someone that are aware of their injuries, they are not taking care of them properly and don't deserve to have a cat.

2. Idk if this is the case where you live, but I know that there are a lot of neutering programs for strays where they will get neutered and then released again to reduce the population of strays. (most commonly happens with adult cats as they are less likely of being adopted cus everyone wants kittens)

3. To me it looks like they have been in a fight with another cat as most of their wounds are around their neck (which is where cats mostly target) you could probably look up a video of cats fighting, but it can get quite gruesome so just trust me on this, it's totally possible for another cat to inflict this amount of harm! Now most female cats don't get into this bad of fights which is why I low-key suspect that they are a young male cat… but I might totally be wrong!

If you are able to please take them to a vet! Best case scenario she has escaped from where she lives and is lost. Most people chip their cats so the vet will be able to find them (also if she is missing)she probably wouldn't have gone far and their owners might have informed vets and shelters in the area that they are missing) Worst case scenario the cat distribution system is working and you have got yourself a new cat🥰

(also take everything I say with a grain of salt I am not a professional just someone who has lived with cats all my life and is a bit too interested in animal behaviour and welfare)

-Moomi

Omg THANK YOU THATS SO HELPFULLLLL!!!!

yeah, I saw her ear was tipped so I assume she’s been spayed? Or he’s neutered? Poor baby :( maybe it was just a cut from the fight/ however she got injured though. I’m now second guessing what I saw and wondering if it’s true. I was lowkey scared when she approached me I didn’t wanna accidentally touch her wounders or something. Which is why I’m kinda scared to scoop her up on put her in a carrier even though she was super friendly and even started purring and rubbing up against me :((( ugh I love her.

Gonna go bring her dinner in a bit/ hope that she has returned to that spot. But from how she was acting, she seemed like she must be familiar with humans? That means she’s not feral right? Maybe a stray or someone’s cat? I looked around for missing cat posters but didn’t see any.

Is she good to take iced water and cold treats or is that bad for cats? It’s hot out so I wanna bring her something just in case. I’ll try to get her to the vet if she’ll let me :(

Thank you again this is really informative and encouraging ! I hope I find her.

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

cw emotional/psychological abuse (im ok dw just. more reflecting)

ive been rereading my journal and got to the bit where im dissecting my exs callout post about me. looking back its kinda hilarious cus if you have the tiniest ounce of critical thinking skills, youll immediatley see that he contradicted himself several times in his own post and his ridiculous assertions just get better with age. heres some highlights

 calling himself a “kid” at 23 while slagging me off voraciously for stuff that i did at 22 and 23, 4+ years before this callout post and some of it before he even met me

 making a huge deal about a 19 & 23 (up to 23 & 27) age gap like its pedophilia lol

 accusing me of ableism in literally the same sentence as dunking on me for my autism symptoms, then doing it again several times more in the next paragraph, like blatant ableism in the same breath as accusing me of ableism, sure thing hon

 misrepresenting events where he deliberately provoked me, leaving out important information and saying I was “playing the victim” cus i told people that the two (2!!) incidents of alleged “abuse” were in direct response to some particularly nasty shit hed been throwing at me

 accusing me of making him homeless when i literally saved him from homelessness several times

 accusing me of manipulating him to be polyamorous when he was literally dating someone else when we got together lmao (as was I & we were all fully aware, just like in a regular consensual polyamorous situation) (iirc he also had a side fuck that his partner didnt know about so really doing great monogamy there, being manipulated into evil polyamory by evil me)

 accusing me of cheating when i told them i was dating someone, who they fully well knew i was getting close to and wanting to date, who they told me was okay if I wanted to date them. they forced me to break up with that person and apologise over months, agreeing at one point that it wasn’t actually cheating, but then conveniently it was cheating again whenever he needed something to hold against me

anyway ive still not fully recovered from being used up quite thoroughly and emotionally abused and gaslit and accused of the worst kinds of things because after years of torment I snapped a couple times. I still find it in my mind sometimes to miss him and wanna reach out and then I remember how it felt to be with him and then how it felt to *not* be with him and how it felt to be punished for not being with him, and then to be punished just for existing, i guess. being accused of punishing him when i was having emotional reactions or tried to distance myself cus being around him made me want to kermit. funny how thats his choice of words as well and how being with him changed me fundamentally and i am still very much working on undoing the damage, i suspect it will take a long while. meanwhile hes prancing around in la and probably has forgtten completely that i even exist. which is wild considering he put all responsibility for his happiness and wellbeing entirely on me for so fucking long. its my fault also because i let him, but i was young and stupid, (in his words) just a kid at 23.

he put all responsibility for his happiness and wellbeing entirely on me - and I let him; when you put it like that, it’s absolutely no wonder it blew up completely in our faces. And as the older one and the supposedly more experienced one, I guess it would have been on me to not let him put all that on me. I didn’t know much at the time though, pretty sure I didn’t even know what boundaries were (much less how to set, communicate and enforce them). But also I was interested in him and wanted to get closer and I think even then I knew that if I failed to give him whatever tf he wanted, he would just leave and probably call me toxic. Idk why it ever seemed like a good idea to get close to him. I just dont know anymore but I guess I did learn a lot from that relationship. Including not to let people like that get that fucking close to me again.

#i need a tag for my own rambles #abuse cw #emotional abuse cw #suicidal ideation cw #this is not a fun read #sorry #u rly dont have to read it

[dr-stoneworld]

Can I pretty please have a headcanon where craftsman!s/o with Senku???? (///-///) s/o is like a child that Kaseki took care of and she love working with him so much. So when Senku kinda stole her favorite Ojii-chan, she is on fire.

BONUS:

• You. Are. A. Talented. Bitch. Who loves going on wild adventures too.

• You were basically raised by the craftsman god, our good ol' Kaseki or your sweet ol' ojii-chan.

• So it is pretty obvious that you love crafts too, like you're madly passionate about it.

• So it is pretty common for you to go on some trips into the wilderness to find different minerals and materials for your next project. You love experimenting on them too.

• So like usual you were out of the village to find some minerals. Now you're basically your way back home.

• "OJIIIIII-CHAAAAANNNN IM BAACCKK" you make the whole village hear by your words by your scream while dashing across the bridge and going to your sweet cozy home. But to your surprise you can't find him anywhere.

• That's when Ginro comes to your aid and tells you everyth- oh no you already rushed to chrome's place.

SENKU WITH CRAFTSMAN S/O:

• You hid behind a tree looking at everyone before finding your ojii-chan safe and sound. Oh phew, you can now breathe in peace.

• But then your eyes landed on THAT thing. Something you didn't knew what was it. All you did was drool at the sparkle it created, so bright that it can make one go blind. Something so alluring and enchanting.

• You wanted it.

• Thats when Senku noticed you and decided to go to you. Oh but you were so engrossed by that material's beauty that you didnt notice him. So his annoying ass decided to shake you with full force and pull you out of your dream world, making you scream.

• "Oh look who is here our sweet little y/n-chan!" Kaseki said "C'mere! This young lad made some interesting beautiful material. Let's make somethings with it!!" He ended before giving you a tutorial on how to use it.

• And holy fucking shit, you mastered the skill. Now you were unstoppable.

• Soon you started doing more and more out of it. Though you enjoyed it but more than that you thought you'll get your ojii-chan back after finishing Senku's requirements

• But NO. HIS LIST NEVER FINISHED and you hated it because hello??? Who tf gave him rights to take your ojii-chan from you? So you took it upon yourself that your NEED to separate them.

• Hence, you decide to stick to Senku like a glue so that he tells you do things instead of Kaseki. He go, you go. Soon he finally gives in and starts to tell you make things for him.

• You both are always, literally always together now.

• Your fast and perfectly efficient work aids him so much and you find so much joy experimenting with different materials.

• "Kukuku you sure are the best person to work with" Senku complimented accidentally because he wanted to say that in mind and not aloud "Woah thanks for the compliment buddy, that kinda surprised me!"

• Pretty soon you both started developing feelings for each other due to the ammount of time you spend together and work together.

• Honestly, at this point you both are either flirting talking nicely with each other or working together.

• Gen: so you're telling me that they're not dating?, Chrome: huh? I guess so?? Idk?, Kohaku: yeah nvm Chrome but it's hard to believe, Chrome: did i do something?? *pls he got so confused*

• One day, it was evening and you were sitting alone working on copper plate, engraving something on it that's when Senku decided to join you.

• "Y/n do you that's called copper?" "Ofc I do you already told me about it and so much more" "Kukuku so I guess you remember everything i tell you" "10 billion percent!!" You wink at him, using his infamous line, kinda surprising him.

• He tries to look away but decides to confess to you about his feelings for you.

• "Y/n, You must be copper because I always CU in my dreams." He decides to confess in the most confusing way cuz oh god that was so bad

• "Oh?" You mumble. "Y/n, I meant i like you." "O-OH" you stutter before looking back at the delicate copper plate on which carved Senku on and before giving him the finished result. "Senku, I have liked you too, for the longest time" you confess with the biggest girn on your face.

• With that you both decide to spend rest of the night together, stargazing.

"Oh my god finally some good fucking decision." Gen and Kohaku whispered in unison, as they decided to leave you love birds alone.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Ahhh i hope you like it @suiseneliza and im so sorry that i kinda went overboard with writing sjsjsjs,,, but anyways I had so much fun writing and researching some stuff here and there!!

Taglist: @nia-writes-bnha

#senku headcannons #dr stone senku #ishigami senku #senku x reader #senku #senkuishigami

[jensungf]

nooo pls dont post less!!!!!! i need your cute lil posts about everything 😔🥺 yes cancer sun moon leo!! thats me uwu n i watch football a LOT LOT i love it so much, but its the kind that americans call soccer btw hahaha culture difference ✨ n no its not my bday!! its taeyongs bday!!! but we didnt go for lunch bc of that (or maybe we did 🤔) but my friend n i are quite close so we went for lunch bc of that!!! n also!! no need to be productive? whos that anyway, idk her :p red anon p1 💃

sooo for things i got!! some new converse shoes (black ones), an nct album 🙈 (pulled the bday boy uwuwuwu), handcream, somestickers n some cards bc im almost out of birthday cards to send/give! n yes i stan some other groups!! my faves are day6, red velvet n got7, but theres many more that i like! especially girlgroups hihi, basically day6 got7 and nct21 are the only boys i stan and i like to write but i dont publish it much bc im an insecure potato n theres an about me carrd if you dig p2/3 💃

omg this is becoming such a spam HAHAHAHAHAH ive been on tumblr for years upon years, although this account is on the newer side!! also i remembered i LOVE ITZY SO MUCH theyre definitely also in my faves! i think i also said in my deleted ask that i had been working on a header for a story ill most likely wont write skskskks how do you find motivation/inspiration uwu do you have any plans for today!! -red skirt anon 💃

ima put my response underneath hehe to avoid spamming ppls dash <3

ur so cute bub ily my posts are deadass shit posts but ok <333 excuse me if im being a bit dry hksdhjs im half awake like always hehe and i will be on the lookout for that 😳😳 and hakjd i figured hehe but omfg do u play football? and thats so cute nonetheless!!! i hope u n ur friend had fun hehe taeyong’s spirit appreciates ur hangout dedicated to him <3 and unfortunately i have chores to do and errands to run :cc and OMGGG YAY THOSE R ALL GOOD SPENDS OMG but thats so much money bub?? ru rich 😳😳😳 chenle vibes my dear

hahaha jk ofc but i havent had black converse since my emo phase when i was 11 omg i bet they look so cute on u! i prefer black chuck taylors/hightops hehe wbu bub? also which album did u buy!!! ur blessed by the bday boy himself how adorable 🥺 ooo do u get any specific brand or scent of hand cream? i rly like the tonymoly rose scented ones haha but i ran out :c and i LOVE STICKERS my little sister has a lot and i always steal from her!! she usually uses them in her bujo haha do u use them for fun or on ur art/bujo? and thats so cute omfg stocking up on bday cards is something kinda traditional no one does anymore but thats so cute <333 i admire ur tast ein doing things

omg i dont stan any of those groups besides got7 and unfortunately i havent stanned any gg since sistar disbanded but who r ur biases bub?? ive listened to some day6 but if u have any recs lmkkkk and rv r queens <3 and ive heard about itzy!! i dont know too much about them but theyre all stunning and iconic queens (ive seen ryujin and lia hahaha) 

omg bub ur not an insecure potato,, i would lov to read ur writings and i bet theyre amazing! everyone has room for improvement but dont be shy hehe im sure ur writings would pique everyones interest! and time to go digging thru all my moots again round 2 hhhh 

and its ok hehehe thats pretty cool! ive been on tumblr since like,, 2015 or sum but like i fell out for two yrs and remade in march this yr haha so i feel u and OMG HEADERS i had the most trouble making headers cus i usually find a random pic of them i think is nice and slap on some txt using canva and call it a day!! id love to see ur header!! what do u use to make it?? (++ pls write a story for it i would love to read it 🥺🥺) and honestly idk sometimes inspo randomly hits and my motivation fluctuates!! like rn my wip is flopping cus i dont have any motivation to sit down and write but some of my other stories are spur of the moment writings hahah like better together or jsmr bc i was watching jenos jsmr fails or i fell off my bike and i decided to get inspired while sitting on the couch ahkdhfks so i think its diff for everyone!

and no hehe i dont besides doing stuff online for my fam and /hopefully/ making progress on my wip :c wbu bub???

#hoo boi this was long #sorry bub hope u dont mind #leyna.asks #red skirt anon 💃 #secret admirer💌

[zeravmeta]

Give me your absolute best YGO x Fate headcanons

Ah gee since ya asked so nicely heres my convoluted crossover AU. Also this got hella long so I'll add a readmore

-the protags would all wind up at Chaldea due to being summoned by the godly powers within their own universes (Egyptian Gods, Crimson Dragon, etc.) and are tasked with helping them. Yugi is pre Ceremonial Duel (for Atem), the rest are from post series

-Gudas just so used to all the weirdness surrounding them so they take it in stride. Holmes on the other hand is losing it because he fears they may have been some type of dimensional collapse. He freaks out further when some of the kids say "oh yeah that happens all the time". Da Vinci sets them up to assist Guda since they can use magic (at least half of them use magic and the other half literally fuse with duel monsters) without needing magic circuits (which interests her GREATLY) so she introduces them as a set of new masters to help.

-their decks are still with them but now instead of being confined to the game they can actually summon them as Familiars/Phantasmals, though they can only support a few at a time.

-most, if not all servants are suspicious of these new masters (guda is my favorite master i dont need another one), but its only initial waryness since these are actual kids like Guda and they default to Parent Mode. Theyre even more surprised to learn about the exploits within their own worlds.

Now onto some of the dynamics:

-Yugi would just be happy to meet all these heroes from history. He understands the seriousness of the situation and despite his initial kickback he'd be onboard to help. Atem would take this opportunity to ask around to see if any of these ancient heroes would know him (since pre ceremonial duel he'd know who he is from Mem World). The Pharaohs (Ozy, Nito, Cleo) would be surprised about a Pharoah they've never met before, and especially his divinity since he could summon three Egyptian Gods to aid him. He was from 3000 years in the past so Egypt was beginning in its decline, so such a modern (relatively) Pharoah holding such power would shock them, though in the end Ozymandias would still declare him one of his friends and theyd get along. Yugi would leave the Puzzle with the Pharoahs so they could speak while he went around meeting a bunch of the heroes. He'd love to play with some of the kids though he has earned his fair share of ire since the King of Games never loses on Game Night, Poker Night, or any other type of games. Yugi has more supportive abilities in his skillset for the ourposes of battle, while Atem can more freely use his shadow magic since he's being supplied.

-Judai is more nonplussed than anything. He was already wandering the world so for him this is just another checkpoint. He finds the ability to summon his monsters as familiars more convebiant than anything since he could already speak to them. Many of the magic users are particularly interested in his ability to talk to spirits since its a rare ability in general and usually limited to one type of phantasmal, not to mention empathetic abilities on their own are somewhat unheard of in Nasuverse. Yubel is a protective force around him and for combat training scenarios shes extremely hard to get around since her deflection ability, while hard to maintain when Yubel uses her final form, is pretty much on par with Lord Camelot in terms of defense. He's generally friendly but comes off as rude sometimes due to his general nonchalance. Gets along especially well with some of the more volatile servants like Berserkers and Avengers since his empathetic abilities are soothing to them.

-Yusei is cautious and guarded here. He has responsibilities in his own world he'd want to get back too, but doesn't have it in him to just leave. His D-Wheel somehow came along (Yuya shivers in the distance) with him, so Da Vinci did the only reasonable thing upon seeing a miniature perpetual motion machine and tried to impound it immediately for study. Yusei was happy to share his info and skills on Momentum and implementing it into Chaldeas energy systems, something that had Tesla and Edison proud since one so young was already (but only barely) supassing AC and DC. Holmes was also extremely interested in Clear Mind and the Crimson Dragin, since Yusei managed to consolidate his own concentration into pure evolutionary energy and may have accidentally interacted with an elder god in the process (kinda like Holmes). Yusei assures him the Crimson Dragon isn't evil and that its called Quetzalcoatl, which has Fate Quetz coming in and asking about herself, further complicating Yusei's confusion on the Crimson Dragon. For combat, he starts off supportive by swarming his field with low power monsters before suddenly summoning a more powerful one. With Over Top Clear Mind they become even more powerful and evolve on their own, so Stardust can become Shooting, but summoning Quasar is very dangerous since its extremely powerful but taxxing.

-Yuma is absolutely excited. Astral not so much. "Astral these are literal HEROES how can you not be excited!?" "Idk probably the part where they'll kill us if we take a wrong step?". Yuma loves to hang around servants like Drake, Shiki and Beowulf, and loves swapping stories of their adventures. Abigail heard about aliens and wonders if Yog Soghoth is an alien, but Yuma tells her that the Astrals and Barians are not like Yog Soggoth, even if Don Thousand as described kinda sounds like him. Astral can be seen since since Heroic Spirits are consolidations of magic while Astral was basically an energy being of the same type, and does float through the halls, occasionally scaring someone by mistake. He does get along with a mysterious woman in a kimono who seems to appear in the twilight hours, but he cant ever really remember her face. In combat Astral and Yuma can do their usual combination form which causes their Numbers to automatically Rank Up upon summoning, the higher the form the further they can rank.

-Yuya has it a bit rough at first. He just got out of a war and now he was being dragged into another? Thankfully he gets his bearings quickly but is still somewhat shaken. Some of the servants are wary around him because they can feel the distortion that exists within his soul, his three other versions, and the power that could trun him into the Supreme King once again still exists there even if Zarc has passed on. He gets along with Siegfried well enough, and they swap stories about how the expectations of others can lead you to ruin. The Alter Egos feel a kinship to him since he's also a consolidated personality rather than a full person, though he gets along best with the Celts. Cu, Scathach and Fergus all love to see his performances, but to them that just meant that they can put him through warrior training especially after they hear about the war he went through. Scathach insists that him running for his life while she chases is good training, while Cu agrees while running alongside him. In battle he uses his acrobatic prowess enhanced with a little bit of fortification/protection magic, and can summon all four of his dragons to help him. Since the other Yu Boys are stuck within Yuya, they occasionally trade places:

Yuto gets along with Archer and occasionally helps him out. Archer is sympathetic to the struggles he unerwent in his own world and makes sure to keep his spirits up while also trying to ignore the irony.Yugo and David have struck up a strange friendship since they both have the issue of mistaking people for their so. David sees Yugo talk about how even if his life was hard it was worth it for the people he loved and remembers his son fondly.Yuri is generally avoided since even after the merge he's still something of a wildcard, but he gets along well with Hans and Kiara of all people. Sometimes he'd share the stories of the training he underwent in Academia, how the Professor trained him to see people as toys and all the people he's hurt, how his dragon was his only friend and how itd protect him, and Hans couldn't help but hate his pessimistic attitude in expecting this while Kiara wouldn't really care too much but also wouldn't insult him by offering condolences. He knows he's become a monster and he won't deny or forget his mistakes, he'll simply try to do better.

-[note: Vrains suddenly had its ending announced for Sept.25 (i believe it may have been cancelled) so based on the episode title of 120 Yusaku and Ai will reunite and thats what im following here] Yusaku is skittish at best, downright invisible at worst. He doesn't want to be found, and even some of the Assassin Class servants have trouble tracking him down when needed. Ai managed to bring along a spare SOLtis body with him so he can walk around and physically interact with Yusaku. Even if they still had some tension between them they still cared about each other so they would keep each other company. It got real awkward when BB first showed up talking about being a sentient AI, so Ai immediatelt tried to befriend her, only to learn about her inhuman nature. While Ai may dislike that aspect of her, he knows from what happened with Roboppy that you cant forcibly change what you are, so he does his best to try and get along, which infuriates BB to no end since she feels like she's being talked down to. Yusaku as a programmer helps with most of Chaldeas regular workforce and he accomplishes hiding in plain sight by being the only master to interact more with the regular work staff than their servants. That being said, it doesn't change how some like Tamamo or Suzuka try to drag him out so he can meet some of the other servants. He gets along well with Kerry. Likely because they barely speak and share E Rank Luck.

#zerav responds #whoA this got long #sorry #idk how to add readmores on mobile so i may edit later #fgo #fate grand order #yugioh

[cinnaminsvga]

ok so i've been really overworking my 1 brain cell to try and figure this out, but i got some theories by rereading your cryptic comments and the story over like a million times. 1) I don't think either V or Jimin are posting the pics nor comments because Jimin said all this shit about 'oh we can't date cus of the industry', plus he recently said their manager has been pushing them to get together. So, mayhaps its their company that's posting it to push the idea of them being together? (Part 1)

[damn so this anon literally fucking goes OFF so imma,,, put their dissertation paper under the cut,,, find my answer/opinion/reaction at the end of this essay lmfao,,, but really, this anon makes a lot of good points so i encourage you to read it if you want any ideas/theories for this au!!]

[cont.] And they might have also made the instagram account? H m. That leads me to my second point which is 2) V is love with Jimin, but Jimin isn’t in love with V. He cares about him but in a messed up way where he kinda just wants to ‘control’ V mainly because of how he got mad when V wasn’t blindly following what he was saying involving Y/N. Plus he just said 'its a win win for me’ maybe cus V’s listening to him AND their company is all for it, so he might be playin it up for that clout?? (Part 2)

[cont.] AND THEN THE SNAKE 3)I narrowed it down to jin, hoseok, and namjoon. It can’t be hoseok cus he’s shown in the texts he at least has some empathy, he’s just chaotic. Then there’s Jin who is looking v suspicious bc he knows EVERYTHING, seems to just in general have a lack of care for ppl, but I dont think its him? He also has shown the tiniest bit of empathy but he might just be being manipulative, idk. Yet he also reminds me of Jin from the TLHC Au, so I think I can kinda trust him?? (Part 3)

[cont.] WHICH LEAVES NAMJOON who I think is the tru snake bc of all his weird interest in Vmin which Jimin even called out as weird. Then there’s the point where he said he didnt know Y/N and Tae were dating, and said he forgets he has irl friends. Then there’s that advice he gave Jungkook which seems nice but it may be a lil too nice by him saying 'its up to them uwu’ KNOWIN TAE IS IN LOVE WITH JIMIN AND GETTIN HIM TO MAKE UP WITH JIMIN WOULD PROBABLY MAKE Y/N AND TAE’S RELATIONSHIP F A I L. (Part 4)

[cont.] I feel like he also abuses the fact Jungkook is in love with him, saying he been knew he loved him, using him possibly for vmin stuff, ect. It’s also rly weird that he has such an obvious thirst for them and their relationship, which JK is maybe too whipped to see past? Then, recently, hes been apparently goin to his geek club and askin Y/N for favors, so hM where’s he at huh?m?Thats why I feel like Jk’s lie involves him saying joon and him cared? (Part 5)

UGH this is such a good analysis… very well done!! i won’t say which parts are right or wrong, but you definitely have sound evidence!! you paid attention to details most people would look over (ex: namjoon’s odd fascination with vmin and how even jimin is weirded out by it; jimin talking about his manager; etc.) and i’m just!! wow anon this message made me so happy because it shows that you guys really read my aus. GOD i feel like im in one of my english lit classes uwu this is super great!! 10/10 A+ you’re summa cum laude my dude!!

#textau3 #Anonymous #answered

[brothalynchhung]

2019 overview.

this year.. was fucking two years in one. also a little late again but whatever. this is going to be long as FUCK. 

started 2019 in dubai

spent the first couple of days in Dubai on the beach

YOOO AS AM WRITING THAT IT FEELS SO FUCKING LONG AGO HOLLYY SHITT

went to London and just fucked around dt and chinatown lost that damn snake ring fml

I got drunk eating dumplings watching Jeffrey star in that bed LMFAOOOYOO LMFAOOOOOEGJEORIGHSREUG

got back to Ottawa and it was straight GRIND from the get go

back to my last semester of uni 

back to club m (omg.. I miss:( kinda lol)

started that govt job

back to social media marketing for Dubai

3 jobs + school basically

did that dumbass STUPID FUCKING govt job all the way in quebec that I woke up for and travelled for everyday 

would go straight to gym, work again, or school fml

wasn't entirely bad I kinda needed it cuz I applied to a million jobs during that time and did school work LMAO also printed a lot of important shit and got paid so whatever

CAME TO TORONTO IN MARCH W TRAND OMG I FORGOT THAT WAS 2019

SAW VINCE STAPLES!!

AND The fortune teller who like prophisized all this shit goddddd 

iconic if I must say

little did I know...

I miss movati fml lol

working at club Monaco omg ugh they gave me life honestly

fun times w trang cc precious Courtney mich JACK Amanda Raman donia even tho she annoying lol and whoever else I worked w jana jil Daria honestly I just miss Courtney LMFAO uhh jenn was cool too 

I'm never going to forget that place I swear to god I have so much loyalty and pride for my memories for that place im never going to take my experience there for

chilling with avid Vinny and like Alex a bit LMAO he would randomly ask to chill it was weird

that Chinese dinner and chat time thing in his car WHAT WAS THATTT

chilling like a scrub a cu with hector and that crew goddLMAO

avin vin rideau gang

visiting avid at nordstorm the Rui girl and Herman lol he was sofunny

MY BODY IS FOR ME NOT THESE BITCHES LMFAOO 

last class with strangle omg he was iconic honestly 

trang pargol fidede zainab mannnn honestly shoutout old Ottawa friends 

xinyii!! and jelly!! my last times with them

I miss Xinyi so much :( im so happy I got to see her before leaving she was so nice I wish her so much success 

remember working those last shifts at cm like.. yo I feel like things are going to change and my days are numbered.. I feel it. 

did interview after interview, applying EVERYDAY to escape 

the amount of focusing I did on applying around feb and April like I was just focused on working and getting out of there

did two interviews in like 2 hours always on the go always moving always working 

and then like clockwork.. at the govt job.. went to the bathroom knew? to bring my phone with me.. and then right when I left I got a call from mk went into that empty conference room and got the offer. cried. accepted. life changing

I honestly just left that place... went to cm and just.. resigned... put my two weeks in...

and it happened literally in my last week of the govt job..

like fate 

immediately went home told cc precious fam 

fam weren't happy 

BUT I FINALLY ESCAPED!!!! LOOKING BACK ON THIS BLOG AND EVERYTHING I FINALLY F I N A L L Y GOT OUT OF THERE THE BITCH ASS CURSED SHIT CITY NEVER GOING BACKEGIUEHGEIRUGH 

shout out precious for helping me honestly he helped so much 

found my place through hmida who held it down

that whole condo scenario LOL godddd my landlord a HOE

met zgy gvy at precious while I crashed a night

THE MILLIONS OF RIDESHARESSS GOODDDDDD

remember the one I took last minute from Yorkdale LMAO that one wasn't bad honestly I slept good

moving my things packaging them up. like yo.. lol

bringing the boxes from shoppers godddd LOL 

finally landed in Toronto with my place

waiting outside for 5 hours for my damn keys crazy with my suitcase lol... 

THEN FINALLY GOT TO MY FIRST PLACE!! MY FIRST RENTAL CONDO ALL ON MY OWN NO ROOMATES JUST ME

unpacking my things

like just finally having my own place mannn that was my dream for such a long ass time

getting around dt a bit getting used to tdot... 

crazy exciting 

then... 3 days in..

...

met that bitch that fucked me up 

met everything I ever wanted in a person? physically and interest wise and yet?

nothing? 

SO CONFUSED I MET SOMEONE WITH EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I WANTED

first hookup? lost v? 

new city new job new life new home lost v new everything

in 3 days. 

my life crazy..

spent the whole time like until October till low-key NOW just thinking about it bitterly 

my feelings up and down I was drowning in obsession and confusion

I know I fucked it up but it was fucked up since the beginning

shook everything about what I thought I wanted in gl or a person

standards are definitely raised and all men trash and hoes Idgaf

I feel nothing towards nobody

my whole mind switched to money and power. 

gl I love you but you're not here and we got a lot growing to do so imma see ya ass in a couple of years 

anyways started working at mk!!! craziest 3 month probation thing I had 

HOWWW DID I DOOOO ITTTTTTT 

met so much people... holy shit.. zgy,gvy,hailey,gab,aisha,priya,rach,lisa,alex,DANIA, goddddd

clubbing.. mon., thurs... weekenddd... wake up... 8:30 work

how did I do it.... fuck lol

met a lot of hoes.. fucked with Sunday once more before he died bye bitch ass hoe.. Leo, sleeve, uhhh that's it I think actually

CABANNNAAAA

OMG I SAW SEAN PAUL LIVE ICONICC YOO THIS FUCKING YEAR LMFAOOOOO

omg YEAH I SAW NCT IN MY FIRST WEEK OF TO WITH PARGOL LMFAOOO YOOOOO

damn this year was crazy I keep forgetting shit

all the weird ass ppl I met at cabana omg the humber guy YOO THE ASIAN GUY WITH MY KEYS LMFAOOO ZGY FUCKLMFGIESH

omg tsf lmao and like yeah all the clubbing ppl in to fuck 

half and half like didnnt know if I liked it or not but it was crazy

still think about that Frans night the damn milkshake and food omggg

just spent summer exploring to trinity Bellwoods ossington like summer stories clubbing stories

managing my double life lol

SPIDERMAN OBSESSION LMAOOOO TO DISTRACT MY MIND FROM THAT BITCH ASS HOE LMFAOOFREJGIEURHSTESUIH THEN I FOUND OUT HE HAS A WHOLE WIFE AND BABY YOOO LMFAOOO

good distraction made work fun when I needed it during my last months of probation LMAO

omg going home during lunch and then back to work ICONIC

leaving the girls at my place and coming back for lunch LMAOOO god really iconic honestly showering and going back to work sleeping hoeing all that LMFAO 

omg the time I left Leo at my place YOO LMAO

still have that expensive ass sweater LMFAO WAT A SIMP

those drunk texts he sent Me in august and I punked him off LMFAOO 😩😂

men trash 

darren Chris rob goddd all those damn ppl I met the one guy who saved me during that blacTHE BLACKOUT CABANNA NIGHT GOD THAT WAS A MESS LMAO TITTIES OUT EVERYTHING but yeah he was low key useless I forget his name highboy but whatever

YOOO THAT GIRLS TITTIES I SLEPT ON NGEIRGHEUHUE ICONIC

I got catfishes twice 😩 the change bitch and the John bitch airehguerihserh FUCKKK LMFAO

AND THEN THE CHANG BITCH WAS TRYNA SAY OH U JSUT LOOK TO ARAB THATS WHY WE HAVNET TALKED AGAINL IKE BITCHHHHH FIRST OF ALL UR A WHOLE CATFISHFHERGUERBKSHETERU AHERUIGESRUYR LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

and then I catfish Sunday to punk him off for revenge and call him a thot and thought he was talking about me for catfish when it was just about another bitch he was hoeing with cuz he a hoe.. Jesus my life wild

SO MUCH SHIT THIS SUMMER UHERGHSREG

gained weight fml I don't even wanna mention it iDONT WANNA TALK

even if it is muscle I dDONT WANNT TALK ABOUT IT

the cabana pool jump... godd... walking home drunkregiuhersguhe fucK 

summer was crazy

nada and mama coming wow that was annoying I rlly can't do family even though I love them

getting high swimming the catfish racing munchies arguing with Alex LMAO 

eating out with Dania gab Lisa the normal ppl I met lool

a lot of stress of money and where I want to go I was in a hella rush idk why I think everything happening so fast made me not want to slow down at all but im finally slowing down 

priya end of the year rebel tiff stuff 

basically drowning in depress and regret around the end of summer cuz everything calmed down and I had the time to think and reflect about everything and yeah.. got super depressed

that bitch cc and her bullshit yo just fucking go bye

notice how there's like no memories with her like yeah there was but they were just annoying cuz she was annoying highkey

thanks for bringing my shit from Ottawa tho dumbass LOL eat a dick

THE HOT TUBBBB SUMMERSSS AND SUMMER NIGHTS 

omg all my emo ass walks at night to the port and water and trillium park in the morning aiohreughresehre writing with my journal god that was actually nice tho 

super peaceful so happy to live near the water highkey

always in between losing myself who am I what do I do now who am I like did I lost myself did I ever have myself

major existential crisis

how did I survive work god 

musicmusiscmusicccc

moviesmovesmoves

readreadread

actually I had a lot of night walking home from the club sad

omg remember the ovo guy fucking loser liar 

as usualllll 

RECORDRESCORSDCRECORDDSSS SO MANY TDOT IS PERFECTT

ugh what else fuck too much shit happened OH YEAH

my birthday with the girls and the bbq!! the cake!! omg so nice :((( so funny lol

that weirdo ass man that I still see in the gym sometimes god help me lol 

passing my probation!!!! and then like finally fitting in and feeling apart of mk and the “family” lol

CLARK KENT AND SCOTTISH MANS MAKING MY LIFE EVRYDAYYYYYugh love them

got a moomin from Scottish mans 🥺 love him

anyways got depressed drowning in obsession.. nothing surprising there 🙄 

got high and drunk like bottom of the barrel... 

right before pargol came LMAO 

oh yeah I went to Ottawa because yo I was going out of my mind about losing myself.. needed to go BACK to the place I hated to find myself

went back and it was like??? everything was the same.. still saw vin and avid and Herman at Rideau still had bbt with them 

still fucking around hector and that whole crew had Ivan his girl moe.. ribal..Kyle YO lol that weird ass club experience AS USUAL Ottawa clubs trash god

apple picking same year in a row wit z <3 and hamza and fams lol

saw the kids and got to be stupid again loool 

anyways came back to my actual life

like it just felt weird knowing that the place I had all my memories and experiences in like.. felt nothing

even the forest felt weird like I didn't need to be there anymore?

as much as tried to drown myself in obsession and my past and bad habits.. I couldn't?

im being forced to move forward and learned Sunday was the last experience it was just eye opening

after the emotional shit I sat down again and had a whole purging 

I never felt that bad and horrible and drowned in obsession since raglan..

like.. deleted the hidden pictures... the feeling.. like I've done this before...

that was the final straw..

you think its over just because I am dead but its not over..the games just begun.

never again. 

anyways I met Aisha!!! love her vibe with her heavy

introduceed me to the sugar shit YOOOO LMFAOOO

THEN WE STARTING PIMPIN AND MAKING EXTRA MONEY

NO MORE MONEY STRUGGLE 

GOT FUCKED OVER HEART TURNED COLD NOW WE FOCUSING ON MONEY CAREER POWER PLAYING THESE HOES FOR THEY MONEY AND RECLAIMING MYSELF 

weird ass fucking people but get the money and go 

stack up crazy and saving up this past few months 

and just chilling w friends and therapy sessions

scheming and planning for the future

therapy sessions

got close with Lisa

oh yeah BOLO!! UGH BEST GYM

ALSO OMG I FORGOT I SAW BROCKHAMPTON AGAIN!!! AND SOMEHOW GOT TO THE BARRIER AND LITERALLY HAD SO MUCH INTERACTION WITH KEVIN LIKE SINGING TOGETHER AND THEN HE CAME DOWN SAID I GOTCHU AND TOOK TWO PICS WITH ME FUCKGIERGEIUTHSEUH THAT WAS INSANEEE MY LIFE WILDDDD 

iconic holiday party and New Years with again like random weird ppl and my girls exemplifying how wild and fresh the whole experience of this year was 

at least I be waking up warm and clean in MY PLACEby myself with no bullshit 

just like.. got a new place new job new city basically live the life I always wanted? reading movies? new friends no problems? wtf how my life change so quick

new interesting experiences

getting drunk high dancing at my place out in these streets just meeting bare people all these new people and experiences holy shit... 

and like yeah im not where I want to be but this progress and process is FUN now 

everything a strategy and a move and love staying busy 

wish I had more free time tho I never feel rested my life fucking crazy LOOL

that weirdo bitch who thought he was dating me UGHHH BOTTOM OF THE BARRELL JUST FOR A CAR AND FOOD BITCHARE U CRAZY 

power trip crazy im so sorry jfc 

anyways block and move on

met Chris and we still talking for like 3 months in a row god... lol gunna see him Saturday idk was the HALE going on 

im like surrounded by hoes???? and I don't want it GOD I JUST BEEN FOCUSING ON ME AND MONEYFUCK EVERYONE ELSE 

idek what else maybe im missing shit but this whole year wild best year of MY LIFE though

idk what the fuck gunna happen in 2020 cuz my split lives and the chaos and playing hoes and always thinking about opportunity and abundance and money got my mind and moves all wrapped in strategy but we only ONNLY ONLYYY GOING UP from here no excuses lets fucking go I always say this but 2019 was fucking wild and you know what.. lets fucking go 2020 LETS FUCKING GO as long as I don't gain weight LMFAO lets fucking GO. money and power on my mind exclusively. gl imma see you in 2 years. focusing on bigger things but at least im OUT HERE and ESCAPED and we onLY ATTRACTING AND MANIFESTING ABUNDANCE 

[ilygsd]

200918: 1

someone fuck me in the asshole honestly im shocked how can this dude NOT UNDERSTAND??? hes really good at cognitive empathy, he has a nice moral compass he follows ”be kind, be nice” but he cant fucking FEEL what hes doing

and like....... thats important to me??? and apaprebtly NO ONE has ever criticized him for it or whatever? like his ”intentions”?? ofc he cant help he doesnt feel emotional empathy but he literally cant spot the DIFFERENCE!!! he’s like ”as long as im kind and a nice human being” like bitch NOO!!!! i like you!!! you ”like” me, but you like me bc u think im interesting and you think we can learn from each other. which also is important OF COURSE!! but BITCH I LIKE YOU BC I FEEL FOR YOU THATS DIFFERENT

we’ve known each other for like 3 weeks, met 5 times and we’ve already had 3 major fights??? mainly over text/phone but still.... he’s so fycking mean? he really tries to manipulate me that ugly fucking whore!!! he guilt trips me all the fuxking time i cant say anything he’ll explode and i need to apologize or some shit otherwisw it would never end. and i know what the fuck he’s doing because i used to be the exact same. honestly we are similar in many aspecrs EXCEPT for the ”feel”-part. i feel TOO MUCH. and the difference is that im not manipulating him.... because i KNOW i cant. i know he’d see right through me, there’s no POINT

like i used to be like that too, maybe i still am. i ALWAYS win fights, no mercy. its like i turn off my empathy during fights but AT LEAST i feel AFTERWARDS!!! he doesnt. he realize he did wrong bc of his ”morality”. bitch i could CRY, because he literally scolded me over phone when i was on the bus and there was NOTHING i could do to stop him. i tried to talk to him but he only continues cus i fkn refuse to oBEY HIS ORDERS??? but i cant hang up either cus then he’d never talk to me again and i’d feel like shit......

he’s pretty calm irl, ive never seen him angry irl and i hope i never will holy SHIT!!! he’s so good at hurting, like he turns everything youve ever said to him against you. he’s so fucking good at it cus he’s so god damn good at reading people. thats what makes him so charming. i DONT UNDERSTAND how can his precious girlfriends not have CARED??? apparently i’m the first to criticize him and one of the few to trigger him and im like..... bruh how?? i literally dont say anything and you fucking explode?? are your family and friends blind??? are you doing this to me because you THINK the manipulation will work??

also...... he sees it as something positive that sick bastard. hes like ”well i think this could be good” and im like ”uhhhh bitch it is I who get scolded???” and hems like ”but i feel and too :((” he’s such a fkn dumbass. this is his politics too. he believes in reverse racism and is probably sexist too smhhh. i was like ”are u dumb, u hit me in the face and tell me its bad for you too bc u feel vad abt hitting me??”

i am impressed by how he chose to ve ”kind” or whatever instead of psycho even though i still think he’s selfish and does it for his own gain aka he LOVES to learn things, experience things. he’s very ambitious, energetic and curious. but he doesnt understand. he’s like ”well im kind to you thats all that matters?”

the thing is, he’s not even kind??? he basically forced me to taste his disgusting vanilla coffee OTHERWISE he would take the blanket away??? he sees it as teasing and it kind of is yeah..... if i didnt know that his 1000% serious?? he honestly think its a ducking compromose?? im lile ”uhh a improvisera would be for me to taste a little coffee and then you to give me another blanket or AT LEAST stop nagging”

and when i finally tasted the ugly coffee he wanted to know if i thought it was good and i said ”yeah its ok” bc im not a liar, it was better than expected. and hes like ”thats all i wanted to hear” I KNOW BITCH, YOURE NOT THAT FUCKING SLICK ITS PRETTY FKN OBVIOUS

also he always adds rules??? everythings always on his conditions? also he kinda thinks i should be thankful for him not being an asshole??? or maybe its that i actually VRITICIZE his intentions. yeah i think that brothers him. i think he thinks it entertaining because he doesnt care when he get angry. i didnt use to either. i could just forget te fight and move on, it wasnt important to me. but fuck now when i KNOW what its like......

im like ”ur threatening me to drink coffee” and hes like ”arent u happy i put extra much vanilla for you?? i usually drink much stronger but i didnt for u? arent u happy i gave u the blanket? i actually was goong to put it on the couch and leave u cold but i didnt?” BUT HE ONLY PUT ECTRA VANILLA SO I WPULD TELL HIM IT TASTES GOOD SO HIS EGO CAN BE BOOSTED

calso he kinda forced me to drink alohol?? i was like ”im feeling like shit if i throw up its tour fault and you will have to clean up” and he’s like ”no you’ll have to clean up” BITCH I SONT EVEN WANT TO DRINK YOURE PUSHING ME

soooo many red flags fuck i really SHOULD leave now when i can and now when im not too emotionally invested. but oMG IM SO CURIOUS!!! we’re so similar yet so different!!! we can relate to each other in some ways the bad thing is that since he actually cant FEEL empathy, he doesnt BELEIVE me even when i tell him the truth. im not sad bc i want to manipulate him. im not even sad that his words are huetful even though they are, because i know he’s fucking weong. im sad because he treats me lile this. im sad because i like HIM!!! i genuinely LIKE HIM!! but he doesnt fucking understand?? he doesnt understand the difference between LIKING someone and LIKING to HANG OUT with someone. i like him because i like HIM I FEEL HIM, he only likes to hang out with me.

he talks about this as ”his way” and ”bot traditional” way of feeling. his version and definition of ”love” and ”affvtion” is so fucking weird??? we were cuddling and he said ”wow u make me feel more” LMAO BULLSHIT. I CALL FUCKING BULLSHIT YOU ONLY SAY THAT CUS U THINK THATS WHAT I WANT TO HEAR

im partly okay with him being low empathy, he cant help it and i actually genuinely believe he believes he’s doing the RIGHT thing. like he believes it so much and... i guess he is?? like what choice does he have? he cant fucking feel, the least he can do is be kind anyways. he cant help that its not genuine and i guess i’ll have to accept that, but i al NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THOSE CHEAP TRICKS. i didnt say anything but i bet he would even understand if i pointed it out. he’d be like ”but its true!! i feel more with you” no bitch, you only say/think that because you WANT to be with me and now when you know thats what i want to hear thats what you say. smhhh

also i remember in the beginning when i kinda confessed and he was like ”it takes time for me to like someone” and in like???? uhhh okay? and i was anxious abt it cus i really didnt understand what the fuck we were and he just kept ”it takes time for me to like someone” to i was like ”okay but its not like im super super deeply in love with you or anything?? like.... i can like people??” BUT NOW I FUCKING UNDERSTAND HE LITERALLY MEANS BASIC ASS EMPATHY. IT TAKES TIME FOR HIM TO FEEL BASIC ASS EMPATHY FOR OTHER PEOPLE

i just dint understand how the fuck he’s able to still have a family and friends and stuff. how..... how can no one care??? i said ”theyre being manipulated” and hes like ”no i just dont think they care. they just like that im kind and dont think much abt it” but both youre not kind??? but when i tell im its not genuine he goes with the ”well we’re all egoists anyqays, we’re all doing things for ourselves, ur egoist too” yeah but i can still FEEL

i dont wanna be a dick. maybe its just me?? maybe its just because i feel so much and thats why i really NEED that genuine feeling?? no, i know why...... fuCK ME!!! i CARE because i like him 😔😔 bc i think hes so smart and interesring and i see him as someone potential and thats why i keep test him like this 😔 and its for no use because i cant change who he is 😔😔 would i care about these things with some other guy??? no. because i sont care abt them, but i care abt him and thats why 😔😔

hes not even guilt tripping me for it (wow ”yay” ) he just doesnt understand. he doesnt understand the difference or why i find it important. he just sees it as ”him being different” and ”him feeling in another way”. thats not it. this is not normal. this is because of childhood trauma and im so fucking sad for you, no offense, youre doing tour best but thats so sad

well anyways, even if i were to accept his WEIRD ASS DEFINITION OF LOVE he STILL needs to fucking stop with his abuse??????!!!! out of the 3 fights he has told me 2 times he’s going to ”try” but bitch WE KNOW HE WONT. HE CANT! HE CANT BECAUSE HE CANT FEEL WHEN ITS ENOUGH. IF HE FELT EMPATHY HE WOULD KNOW WHEN TO STOP. BUT HE CANT. im just waiting for him to explode someday. i literally asked him ”what should i do next time” and he’s like ”idk, i cant tell you what to do”. omg its true. theres nothing i can do, he’d still be so pissed at me no matter what. and me just asking him is such a BIG RED FLAG like we ALL KNOW.... or not him. he’s like ”maybe we wont fight” LMAO HAHAH YEA BITCH NICE TRY BUT WE WILL BC U START IT

hes so fucking sensitive. we had a misunderstanding, he started to scold me, i got mad and he kept gaslighting ”no i didnt scold you” and when i called him out on gaslighhting..... oh boy...... he got SO FUCKING MA, accuses ME of gaslighting him?? accuses me of ”starting” it with my ”passie aggressiveness” ok maybe i was passive aggressive but i WOULDNT IF HE DIDNT SCOLD ME ABOUT IT. i cant ever criticize him because he goes bananas. ok maybe im not the best to criticize others, im very....... bold. BUT I KNOW IM RIGHT??

last time he got angry because i said ”ppl listen to you bc ur a white man” and he started to bring up his childhood, told me im insensitive, theeatened me to hang up, never talk to me again if i didnt ”respect” him aka ”obey” him, he guilt truppen me, told me no one would want to me with me blah blah blah

a part of me is happy u dont really fall for that bullshit. like yes if course im HURT!!! but as i said, im not really hurt because he really is trying to hurt me. he really WANTS to hurt me. he even takes pride in it?? ”im very good at making people feel very good, and im very good at making people feel very bad” it makes me so FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I LIKE HIM I WANT HIM TO SEE AND UNDERSTAND SO HE CAN GROW, THAT IS EMPATHY PEOPLE, THAT IS GENUINE LOVE

we’re so different. we use completely different tactics. when i used to manipulate my ex.... i NEVER did personal attacks like he does. i never used smth personal AGAINST them.... i was more about.... guilt tripping? more about ”u dont love me, pity me”. im not saying thats good, i was horrible but what he does is just MEAN. i dont understand how anyone can keep up with that kind of behavior. i even told him when we fought and he responded ”well i need to keep up with u”. he always does that and that actually hurts because i like him. and he knows that. he always says ”ive been sitting here, listening to you, been kind to you and....” etc. etc

WHYYYYYY am i the only one criticizing him?? WHY is he like this to me? is it because i see through his ugly acting?? is it even possible for us to ever be healthy together? we can learn from each other, no doubt. but is it healthy???

when i tell him i feel bad bc of horrible manipulative and emotional abusive things ive done he understand but hes like...... ”thats ok dont be so hard on yourself, just learn, everyone makes mistakes” but like no?? THIS IS NOT OKAY!!! he also keeps saying i’ll become like him and like ”stop caring” bc ”we cared too much before” but NO I DONT WANT TO BECOME LIKE YOU!! I ADMIRE YOUR THINKING SKILLS AND ID LIKE TO LEARN SOME OF THAT BC WERE POLAR OPPOSITES YOU THINK, I FEEL. YOU CANT FEEL, I CANT THINK AND HANDLE MY FEELINGS

i dont WANT to. thats the difference. im not satisfiera!!! i told him i dont want to apologize to my ex best friend (who i treated like shit) until it feels GENUINE and hes like ”pfft... its better than nothing. she wont know if its genuine anyways” and im like bitch.... i WANT to be genuine because i think she would appreciate it more and I would feel better about it and hes like ”oh so its cus u wanna feel good about it” OH MY GOD HES SO ANNOYING

i really should pack mt bags and run. why did i have to fall for him UGHHHHH. why do i let him treat me like this when i’d never let ANYONE else do it. its so weird, im very picku with guys. i dont fall for ANYONE. i ALWAYS pick nice and kind guys so why him? i thought he was nice, yeah fair enough, but i still like him even though he isnt? i dont think its me being awfullt desperate, i really wouldnt let anyone be like this. like BOY HE BEKIEVES IN FUXKING REVERSE RACISM DO YALL THINK I WOULD HANG IUT WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT??? or maybe i am desperate. yes i am. im desperate for the connection i feel. thats kinda sad. i feel a strong bond to/with him, i feel like we’ve been through some things and i still look up to him and how he has recovered. he gives me hope that i can also be happy one day. I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE HIM but i still want to learn from him. and i sont think i will ve like him because im not a sociopath. i just want to take the good stuff and then become better

omg i really am similar to him. im really here feeling superior. i do feel superior because i can feel. i feel superior and a part of me wants to use him. hes a real challenge. i dont think i can maniplate him, it would be amazing to have him feel something for me...... IH MY GOD THIS IS SUCH A FUCKING MESS. NO THIS IS NOT IT. I DO LIKE HIM IM NOT LIKE HIM. IM NOT THAT FUCKED UP

i get really annoyed when he claims im similar that i also want to control and manipulate and im like NO BITCH WERE SIMILAR BUT NOT HERE, like not when im trying to be calm and grown up and have us silver things, not when im crying because he huet my feelings but................ maybe hes right. or maybe hes just manipulating me??? maybe its both. ofc its both. i WAS HURT, i actually HAD anxiety!!!! if that bastard could feel, he would have known it was GENUIKE. AND HE WOULD HAVE KNOWN IM TRYING TO BE CALM AND AN ASULR BECAUSE HE SURE AS HELL FUXKING ISNT AND I ACTUALLY LIKE YOU BITCH I WANT TO SOLVE THIS FOR MY OWN SAKW TOO SO I CAN BE WITH YOU WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A CHEAP WHORE WITH NO SELF RESPECT.... BUT YES OF COURSE I WANTED HIM TO FEEL FOR ME TOO. IT DISTURBS ME SO MUCH THAR I DONT HAVE AN EFFECT ON HIM HEA LIKE A STONE AND OFC IF ANYONE SAW US FIGGT I’D LOOK LIKE THE CALM ONE. hes wrong though bc i used to think like that too with my ex bff. i used to think damn shes only like that so she can feel superior to be and humiliate me but no. she was right. she was more mature than me and she did what she had to do AND THATS WHAT IM DOIKG TO SO FUCK YOU

only way for me to manipulate him would be sexually. he’s that pathetic. a fucking horny dick, thats what he is. but it wouldnt even be manipulation because honestly if hes that fucking horny then its his choice. its not like i’d ever r*pe him, i dont even wanna have sex with him that guy has some HIGH STANDARDS i feel like a virgin next to him but since im not he would also expect more smh. i dont even dare to kiss him back. im only used to virgins so they dont have any experience lmao but... fuck i cant this time

he’s so cockt though for real. he brags about this and that all the time which is kind of his charm..... if it wasnt for the fact that hes always so competitive and serious LMAO. like it would really hurt his ego if i questioned him. imagine me telling him his sex, kisses, brain/psychology or smth was bad. i swear to god he would want to scold me and call me some real nasty things but he probably wouldnt

#diary #jo

[subjectsilver]

my psyche and wormy be ruthless sometimes.

originally i told myself that i was only going to use tumblr every sunday to log what has happened throughout the week or anything noticeable or note worthy but i literally need to type this right now because I'm losing my goddamn mind and on the verge of a panic attack...i can feel my chest tightening and my heart has such a “funny” feeling that isn't so funny so idk why they call it that... its like a light feeling like when u get light headed - i feel light hearted rn

the absolute worst part about my depression is that it literally just comes and goes whenever it wants. obviously theres things that help trigger it, a song a picture of my ex friends snapchats, any object that i can play connect the dots with back to a single thought that can disrupt my entire mental.

and it hit me tonight and it hit me hard and tonight I'm trying not to run away from it. I'm not going to go smoke cigarettes and listen to music until 5 am I'm trying to just type what is going on instead of like holding it into my head. or type something at least. the thing about it is that whenever it hits me, i always find a way to make it so much worse.... like i see just the right combination of words or objects to sink me or look at pictures of emma and even though i know its hurting me i continue to do it anyway....maybe its because in that moment I'm actually feeling something, she is making me feel something just like she use to in the past. i really valued that until i became too grey and numb and hopeless.

i feel like throwing up

i used “ex” up there and  makes me feel really uneasy i haven't used it very much at all mainly because i have to explain myself to anyone here and I've only told a few people what is going on with me. That was good thought because i have a friend named hank who went through some shit too so he kind of connects with me but still not a person i would talk to about shit...i don't really have anyone for that so i don't really know... sometimes i type it all and erase it, sometimes i make songs, sometimes i say it out laid sometimes i just cry.

i started taking prozac 3 days ago this will be the fourth, so hopefully that'll help  me. Im still underweight as fuck but oddly I'm comfortable with it bc i like the way my shirts feel and clothes fit, unfortunately i need to gain like 20 pounds if i want to exist on this soccer team which is kinda mad. I was going to suggest leaving wake because i don't really even care to play soccer rn. and i realized a while back that all i needed was in ohio... like i had the best friends the girl of my dreams and i could've had a 1st year internship paying between 40-70k at some health company under my step dad... its kinda shitty because its something i wanted to tell everyone and i would always think about how disappointed my dad would be and how supportive my mom would be but something told me not do make moves with any of it. its like the universe knew i was going to go through some shit. like it knew i was gonna get low and the perfect image of life i had in my head up. like bitch u thought you'd plant roots,,,nahhhhhhtttt  

i keep listening to this song on repeat

https://soundcloud.com/yvpoipoi/maxence-cyrin-where-is-my-mind

but the real is back the ville is back

i fucking hated listening to cole until like 2 weeks ago. it was so annoying listening to cole bc of hani playing it literally all the time. when things like that get annoying they because white noise to me. but recently i went through his 3 most recent projects and actually listened heavily to the words and that shit is crazy.

i also have been paying a lot of attention to jay z and beyonce. i guess jay z had an affair or some shit and ten he and “once” went back and forth on songs about it... but i read this quote by him where he was like “our relationship was built on top of lies, and i had to tear it down and build it back up again and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.” thats the kind of shit that gives me hope in the world of relationships. I've accepted that its probably false hope but ill hold onto anything the keeps me going at this point...

my suicidal thoughts haven't been present the last few days but i never know if and when those will come back. to be truthful I've been stacking up on things in my camera roll that give me up for when I'm feeling low.

the light hearted feeling has subsided, i just realized it. i kinda of ignore all grammatical practices when i write freely. i just go with my own language because i feel like its more personal ya know. someone i know annotates her own letters that she use to write me and i always loved that shit because i have so many side thoughts when i write as well.

luke christophers album finally came out and what do you know 5 of the songs had already been released and some like a year ago so its barely anything knew but it still has new music and bangers so i do appreciate the legend himself. after seeing his hair blonde on the cover idk if I'm going to keep growing my hair black or re-dye it. maybe ill keep it blonde until i feel like I'm above 80% better or something  right now i feel about -7% (if i could annotate that line id tell you that i originally wrote -7 person instead of percent then i autocorrected person then backspaced it to a symbol) 

the last few days I've felt really weak though and I've been sleeping a lot like two days ago i got like 11 hours and yesterday i got like 10 and I've been taking naps during the day. but I've constantly felt like I've had low blood sugar or that I've been dehydrated or something. i can't even make a fist and squeeze that hard.

its crazy because when i type anything about myself ever i just start tearing up for no reason...happy thoughts sad thoughts dark thoughts i could be writing about my microwave and be tearing up. and i do it a lot with emma or my best friends or my ex and ex best friends idk what anyone is to me anymore. been too focussed on trying to survive, which i feel is the correct selfish thing to do for once.

“don't give a fuck and they love you do give a fuck and they hate you - I'm always gone be there for you”

this man luke in onto something

its crazy that i will leave my phone in my room from 7:30 am to 7-8 at night and the only notification that ill get is “your phone hasn't been backed up in 57 weeks” or some shit like that. occasionally ill receive a random text from someone but its funny because sometimes on the inside ill be screaming like “PLEASE SOMEONE TALK TO ME” and then it happens and its like nah.. i thought i sent out an amber alert but really I'm sending out a batman bat symbol. i thought i needed anyone to talk to, but in reality i just need one singular person to talk to. that was my mistake, will always be my mistake but at least i recognize it now...just a little late there big guy.

having so much time to myself probably too much time to myself is really interesting...if you've ever thought that you've done real reflection, submerge yourself in complete loneliness and isolation and try again because its so much deeper. you think about everything. every individual relationship, every right every wrong multiple perspectives. you think about all of your problems and the root to your problems.  all of your mistakes why u caused these mistakes or what caused these mistakes. its actually really shitty because the bad will always stick out more than the good because the good is what is suppose to happen and the bad is the variable...variables get more attention than the constants i feel. deep down i don't think I'm a shitty human being.. even though i might think that a lot or hate myself...ik I'm only human and i can't be perfect and as much as id love for everyone to love me and me to not hurt anyone its more than likely unrealistic and it'll happen to me and already has happened to me and now i understand that and i will be more forgiving as i go on in life, the same forgiveness id want people to give me.

i use to think that everything had to work in reciprocality like for some reason i always thought everything should be equal all of the time..but i was extremely wrong, some people need more some people need less some people expect things and if they mean anything to you, the extra effort should hinder you or disrupt you...every human has a different way of looking at relationships and when those ways collide and don't add up it creates problem. I'm not saying people should give up in what they believe in but people should be less harsh about it... i know people who should be less harsh on me and i know people that i will be less harsh on and who i would be less harsh on if i could go back in time.

i tried to think about why I'm so afraid of butterflies and i can't really think of what happened along the way that got me here but i think the very root is the movie “butterfly effect” I'm also pretty sure they are remaking that movie into a 2018 version and ill probably go scare the fuck out of myself while seeing it.

my anxiety was gone until thinking about butterflies 

i tried to explain a fear of butterflies to this kid named mike and i sounded like an absolute idiot and then his response was “does this scare you” and it was the close up of a butterfly from this spongebob episode and i can't get it out of my head.... i think the video is called “wormy close up”

 fuck wormy

usually id think something so symmetrical was beautiful seeing has my old tendencies make me love symmetrically and i do things in that way like when i touch my feet to surfaces and shit bc i feel all neat and organized but i don't like that every butterfly ever is symmetrical as fuck...like show why what the hell. and i want to watch a video on it but i don't want to go into shock or some shit.

and they have wings that flap which is what i hate about bugs in general.

to be fair though i do like butterflies that have bright blue or white wings cus i use to see those a lot as a kid when my backyard was a golf course. but my vision of a butterfly with like brown wings and black borders gahhhh fuck that....id weather let a centipede crawl on me from head to toe than a butterfly land on me to put in in perspective. 

idk man i think this post has done for me what i thought it would do what i intended it to do...i have to be up in like 3 and a half wish hours then run for an hour then ill take a solid nap for like 5 hours or just sleep pt.2 but i must be going... until next time or sunday.

i love you

fuck wormy

goodnight

#fuckwormy #waitttt

[skiasurveys]

doing this cus hes moving away and ill miss his bitch ass

THE BASICS 1. When did you both get together? May 10th 2016 2. Who made the first move?  we both did, i guess. It was mutual. we had dated 5 months previously for like 2 weeks, and we got back into contact and we both knew we liked it eachother. 3. How long have you been a couple? 10 months. will be 11 in april  4. How did you first meet?  OKCUPID 5. Were you already close friends before going out as a couple? I guess so, we had been talking for like a month til we officalized it. 6. Are you/Were you ever in the same class at school?  no. He graduated 5 years before me 7. Are you long-distance?  nope. but we will be in a couple of days :( 8. Are you in an open, regular or committed relationship?  committed. 9. Do you live together? we were going too..but he didnt get a job, so hes moving back home to live with his dad and work there for a bit, and then in the summer we will be moving in together :) 10. Are you engaged? If yes, describe your proposal. If no, what ring would you like? no, and i dont know. 11. Are you married? If yes, describe your wedding. If no, would you consider marriage? No, and yeah id consider. 12. Which one of you is older? What is the age difference? Connor is older. by 6.5 years.  13. Which one of you is taller? What is the height difference?  he is haha, by a foot and 2 inches. Im 5 feet, and he’s 6′2. 14. Do you share any of the same hobbies/interests/passions?  yeah we both like the same stuff, but im more artsy than he is. but we like the same shows/movies/video games.  Thats how we gt  along very well. 15. What fictional couples would you compare yourselves to? i dont know.  16. Sum up your relationship in 6 words or less. happy, strong, crazy, great, safe. 17. Doodle a little picture of you both as a couple <- no 18. Describe your relationship using only emoticons.  cant do this not on my iphone.  19. Share a cute photo of you both together.  i dont know how to share on here, but if you go on my personal account you can find some. just go. Justskia.tumblr.com/tagged/connor 

ATTRACTION 20. Top 5 fav things about your partner. his arms, his humor, his laugh, the way he talks about his passions, his smile. 21. Your partner’s top 5 fav things about you. ask him. 22. What physical traits do you find most attractive about your partner? his arms are really fucking nice. and his height. 23. What physical traits does your partner find most attractive about you? i know he likes how small i am, and short and my butt for sure cause im short stacked lolol 24. What personality traits do you find most attractive about your partner? His humour really.  He is very funny, and I like how real he is with him. He’s romantic and senstive and he only shows that to me.  25. What personality traits does your partner find most attractive about you? i dont know, ask him. He likes that Im good company, that I dont complain and bitch him out, and that i make him happy, but i dont know ask him lol 26. Do you hold hands in public? Any other public displays of affection? if we do show PDA its either like hand holding or like a kiss on the cheek. 27. List your top 3 turn-ons about your partner. His arms, his aggressiveness, and his facial hair 28. List your partner’s top 3 turn-ons about you. ask him. 29. How would you seduce your partner? How would they seduce you? I dont really need to seduce him. 30. Innocently or not, where do you like your partner to touch you?  my sides or upper thigh. 31. Describe your partner’s eyes. dark brown, they are kinda sad and it breaks my heart. 32. Describe your partner’s hair.  Brown and messy but like a nice messy. 33. Describe your partner’s smile. His smile is big, and he smiles with his eyes and it makes me feel homesick, and I love it. 34. What is your partner’s voice like?  deep but not too deep. Like rough, but sweet. I love it. 35. What is your partner’s scent like? manly and musky,its so fucking nice. 36. How does your partner impress you? How do you impress them? he tries to show off how strong and good he is at his video games. hilarious. I just try to show off how funny and cute i am.  37. What outfit would you like to see your partner in? What would they like to see you wear? i wouldnt mind him in like plaid shirts and I know he lieks me in mini skirt and socks. 38. Show your fav picture of your partner that they’ve posted online. not gonna post that just cause i dont know how he would feel.

ROMANCE 39. Do you have cute pet names for each other? not really. 40. What’s one of your favourite memories as a couple? I have way too many. seriously. I like the one where he called me at 11:30 Pm saying he knew i was lonely and that he could come get me, that was nice. but i have lots. 41. Describe your favourite date so far? honestly, i cant think of one. Our first date was so fun but not my fav..idk 42. What’s the sweetest thing that your partner’s ever done for you? hes been there for me when i needed him. 43. Do either of you get jealous? i do. 44. Is one of you protective of the other? i am and he is too. 45. How do you both like to kiss? just like kissing normally, but i like to press my tongue on his tongue.  46. How do you both like to cuddle? either when were spooning, or i lay my head on his chest, or he lays on me. 47. What’s a gift that you’ve given to your partner? And one they’ve given to you? Idk I give him a lot of shit. He gave me his truck. 48. Are you an openly mushy couple or a reserved couple? half n half 49. Does one of you like to cook for the other? im a bad cook. 50. Do you have unique ringtones/images for each other on your phones? no but i have a image of him on my phone  51. Have you ever had your initials written on a tree or in the sand? no but i could  52. What’s “your song”? I cant help falling in love with you 53. Do you own any items that are a special symbol of your relationship? a few 54. What did you both do for Valentine’s Day?  we didnt do much really, actually. 55. Do you express your love lavishly or discreetly? discreetly kinda. 56. What’s the funniest thing you can remember your partner doing? hes so fucking funny. I cant choose. dont make me  57. Does thinking about your partner still give you butterflies? yeah 58. What’s the weirdest part of your relationship? that people keep trying to take us away. 

BEING TOGETHER 59. Fav things to do together on a rainy day? watch a series 60. Fav things to do together on a sunny day? Go for a walk or something  61. Got any plans together for next week? spending my finale days with him until we see eachother again.  62. What’s your favourite thing to share together? my bed. 63. What did you do for your partner’s latest birthday? What did they do for yours? he actually didnt want to do anything for his birthday, but for mine we just hung out and were cute together/ had dinner. 64. Where would you like to go on holiday together? somewhere far. like disney.  65. You have a whole weekend to yourselves and 500 in cash- what do you do? I dont know, thats not a lot of money.  Probably a night in Banff  66. How would you comfort your partner on a bad day? How would they comfort you? Just like hug him or let him know Im there, and hed probably cuddle me 67. Where would you both get takeout together? probably some thai or chinese food. 68. What’s the longest time you’ve been apart? 5 months 69. What things remind you of your partner? What things remind them of you? anime. and I dont know. 70. Has your relationship changed at all since it first started? we have gotten more close and he tells me more. hes more open. 71. Have you ever worked on a project together? no 72. Have you both influenced each other in any way? yeah 73. Have either of you made sacrifices for this relationship? oh god yeah. 74. Has you discovered anything surprising about your partner? yes  75. How have you both made a positive impact on each other’s lives? i like to think so  76. What do you both mutually agree is the most important part of your relationship? communication 

EVERYDAY LIFE 77. What are the everyday things you both do to show you care about each other? just talking to eachother, spending time with them.  78. Do you follow each other’s blogs/twitter/instagram? he doesnt have those. 79. Is there a favourite place that you both frequently go to together? subway hahaha 80. What TV shows do you like to watch together? way too fucking many. 81. How do you relax together? Movies, cuddles, sex. 82. What sleep positions do you tend to sleep together in? spooning.  83. Do you borrow each other’s clothes or other items? no 84. Do you ever share the bathroom together? yeah 85. How do you both keep in touch when you’re away from each other? Texting, phone calls, psn calls 86. Do you share secrets between each other? yeah 87. Do you rotate house chores or do you each have assigned chore duties? we dont live together. 88. Do you remember how your partner takes their coffee/tea/bar drinks? he doesn tlike coffee  89. What does your partner think of your Tumblr? he doesnt know mine haha  90. What characters do you play as together when playing multiplayer games?  we play eso 

COMPATABILITY 91. Are you both introverted/extroverted or opposites? Hes introverted and im ambiverted.  92. Who is the more dominant/submissive one? hes more dom, and im sub. 93. What are some major differences between you both? He is more real, just tells things how they are, i like to sugar coat shit. 94. When are you both “in your element” together? in my room 95. Who would win in an arm-wrestling contest? he would  96. What are each of your zodiac signs and how do they compare? im a sag, and hes a taurus  97. What are each of your MBTI types and how do they compare?  i dont know his actually 98. What are each of your Hogwarts houses and how do they compare?  i dont know lmao  99. If you were both in a dating sim, what character tropes would each of you be?  i dont fucking know man  100. If you were both animals what would you be? Would you be the same animal? hed be a cat for sure.. 101. How does your partner’s wardrobe differ from yours? hes just more dude like? 102. Have you ever both said something at the exact same time? yeah sure  103. Rate your relationship on a scale of basic vanilla (1) to extremely kinky (10)  like a 6-7  104. Mix your fav colour with your partner’s fav colour- what is the result? its make like a violet  105. If you were both ingredients, what would each of you be and what would be the resulting recipe? (e.g. PB & jelly sandwich) im fucking dead at this question  106. Which of you would win in a Pokemon battle? As sign yourself and your partner a fitting Pokemon type (e.g. water, grass, poison etc). Are either of you super effective against the other? hed win.

CONFLICT 107. What happens when you argue with each other? How do you both make up? We have had only 2 huge arguments, usually we just do what people do and just fight and just get it over with..talk it out. we dont fight really, and im happy for that. we do get into little bickering shit but thats it.

108. What’s something that your partner does that annoys you? How do you annoy them? when he games for more than like 10 hours or whatever, like I actually don’t care if hes gaming, hes relaxing for me to being doing my own thing and him doing his. But sometimes he does online game a lot and is chating with friends for really long periods at a time and its like yo can we like chill and talk. But im not crazy like i want him to spend time with his friends but there is a limit i guess. and I think i annoy him when im constantly texting him n he doesnt respond. But he doesnt rly tell me what annoys him

109. What are some imperfections that you love about your partner? his little ego haha he is always bragging about how great he is at something and i love it. He’s not a jackass or douche about stuff but sometimes hes bragging and im like smh 

110. What are some imperfections that your partner loves about you? i dont know, i don’t wanna ask LOL 111. Has your partner ever accidentally hurt you? Have you accidentally hurt them? Physically and emotionally? yeah. who hasnt though? I did hit his head once and he was like wtf? and it was by accident ahah. But yeah i have said shit to him where it hurt him and its like fuck i didn tmean it like that. It sucks

112. Is there anything about you that your partner just doesn’t understand? probably my mental health to be at most part. He doesnt understand some things i do.

113. Is there anything about your partner that you just don’t understand? yeah like why does he try so hard to act like he doesnt care when he does. Its kinda weird. 114. When was the last time you cried about your relationship and why? today but thats cause hes moving away today, and so i was crying with him cus i didnt want him to go.

115. What is something you love that your partner hates? cringe  116. What is something you hate that your partner loves? anime  117. When was the last time you had to apologise to your partner and why? Today because i by accident was being a little too pushy and i felt so bad.  118. Do either of you get too clingy? me at most part i think. i like his clingyness but he isnt too clingy actually 

119. Do you have any insecurities about your relationship? yeah, i do. Just cause i hate myself and im scared he will find someone else.

120. When was a time that your relationship was put to the test? i dont know? 121. What would your partner have to do to make you end the relationship? cheat, break the law ( like murder/rape/rob a bank lmao), insult my family too extreme for no reason. 

RELATIONS 122. Does your family approve of your relationship? meh, not really. whatever 123. What do your friends think of your relationship? they think he’s super nice and that he makes me happy. 124. How do you both act together around others as opposed to when you’re alone together? hes more romantic with me and like more feely but when were with friends hes like reserved but he doesnt like hide our relationship.

125. How did you first reveal to people that you were going out? i took a picture of us together and posted it on instagram and facebook i believe and then i just told people. 

126. Do you think you and your partner look similar to each other? both have brown eyes but thats it lol 

127. How does your partner treat you special compared to everyone else in their life? he spends his time with me the most, he tells me everything ( well at least i think he does haha ), hes opened with me. Hes very reserved around others. 

128. Do you both have a mutual friend group, or only separate friendship groups? separate, but i do like hanging with his friends. 

129. What’s a common misconception about your relationship?  oh that hes “way too old for her” hes only 6 years older, its not 16 years smh. also that people think that I let him walk on me and do what he wants but I don’t let that, i do let him do what he wants but he doesnt walk all over me. 

130. Has your relationship affected any of your relations with others? yeah. 131. Has anyone tried to sabotage your relationship? yeah. a few actually. fuck them.  132. Quote something somebody has said about your relationship. “i dont see why you waste your time” that is what some ppl say. a lot of people like us together but some don’t. dont know why, actually. 

133. Quote something somebody has said about your partner. he seems really nice or that he makes me happy or that hes too old like wtf no in between.

FUTURE 134. What do you hope for the future of your relationship? i hope that we grow as individuals and in our relationship and that we make it offical. RING BABY. 

135. If you both got married, what would you want your wedding to be like?  my dream wedding is something small but not too small but not big where i dont know half the people. something fun that represents us as our relationship but sometimes romantic too.

136. Can you imagine what your ideal home would look like? yeah, i guess probably like studio apartment, or something. idk we dont reallt talk about that. 

137. Do you have kids/want to have kids? What would they be like? no and no  138. If you could do anything for your partner what would you do? i would get him a nice place for him to stay, a really nice 4K TV and maybe take him somewhere where he wants to go.

139. Do you think you’ll still be together when you’re old and wrinkly? honestly i do  140. Got any relationship advice? dont let people tell you what to do. If you want to be with them, be with them. But make sure to pay attention for warning signs too though

#boyfriend survey #connor #for the last question #i mean dont let people tell you how to be a couple #i do understand listneing to what ppl have to say about your relationship is healthy cus sometimes were blinded by love #but if people are trying to tell you how to be a couple #fuck em

[system-architect]

OH YEAH i forgot to post this but here’s my thoughts about the living story/new update stuff!!

ok so firstly.. lake doric as a map... i’m a bit mixed feelings on it bc it has some really interesting parts but also a lot of it still feels like a basic krytan <lvl80 map??

the harvest cascades and lakeside bazaar/melandrus refuge are my favorite part of it, i think the noran’s puzzle thing and all that subterranean area to run around in is really cool and feels like a fresh exciting experience... then the bazaar area (specifically the inside of the caverns) is gorgeous and actually feels like what i’d expect of a New Shiny krytan map

the lakeside bazaar town itself is really nice too, i love the new house models, it makes it feel very woodsy

the rest of it idk..,,, i can tell there were some graphics upgrades and a lot of new assets created but it still feels way too much like Another queensdale-kessex hills-gendarren fields except with higher level enemies

i kind of dont fault anet for this too much tho bc i know they were probably working overtime redoing a lot of it and under that situation their second attempt was probably rushed and not as good as the first attempt

but moving on, STORY WISE...

im disappointed that demmi had to die.. it feels really cheap... im ok with her being shot cus that was a good drama moment but then i think piling the death on is just Too Much and ruins it.. maybe its cus im not a #teamwhispers but the tybalt line also just felt like kinda extra poured on trying to milk sentimentality rather than something Actually Sad...

i mean if other ppl liked that part of the story or got emotional over it thats ?! thats fine!! but for me i cant really be emotional about deaths in gw2 anymore cus its just like.. ugh? again?

despite the frustrating boss fight and that tho the whole caudecus instance was pretty well done and felt really fun to run around in and open all the doors finding hidden stuff!! canach got the best lines again, too... god i really hope he comes back into the story again sometime bc im going to miss his snark

im not fond of the logan painting joke tho cus while it could be a jab at “ew caudecus” it felt more like a Ew Gay joke and i dont like that for obvious reasons

also. from the beginning of the first instance my prediction was that queen jennah might turn evil/turn out to be white mantle. im still not convinced she wont.. the krytan spiderwort thing felt like foreshadowing?? and idk the way she talks feels Suspicious...... we’ll see tho

but i think the most interesting thing to come from this story tho is the revelation about lazarus!! i really wanna find out whats at the bottom of this

#head of the snake #gw2 living story #gw2 spoilers #living story spoilers