#i've gone through anxiety and had a few attacks | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

asuyaka · 5 months

Note

GUESS WHO'S CLASSES ARE FINALLY OVER GIRLIES💃💃

Damn, it's been a heck of a while since I last came back to this blog--

Anyways! I've been following the new JJK episodes(I am not fine and it's all Mahito's fault.), so to put a bandage on his gap in my chest, how about some reverse comfort shot for our boy Yuuji during the Shibuya arc? Heaven knows he's in need of it. The prompt would be that he's having the meltdown/panic attack after regaining control over his body after Sukuna raised hell on the city(along with all the memories that come with it) and his lover finds him crying on the ground and rushes to comfort him and ground him.

I just want my boy to get a hug goddamn it, Gege won't give him any breaks😭

- Sincerely, '🌈' Anon.

★ - 'm honestly haven't watched the new episode yet (prayin' s'the "I'm you." timeline !!) but, 100% agree! 'm boy needs a break !! (gege is cruel (；′⌒`) )

☆ - Itadori Yuuji x Reader!

♡ - 'm sososososo glad t'see you again 🌈 !! 've lowkey been burnin' out, but 'm glad you're here !! <;33 （〃｀ 3′〃）| listenin' to... Skyfall

Good God— you don't know how you're alive right now.

The stench of curses and blood permeated the air, dried blood from curse users and curses stuck your hair to your face; heavy breaths leaving your lips as you looked around for any familiar faces.

Shibuya is in shambles, nothing more and nothing less. Dead civilians and auxiliary managers litter the streets, and several cars and buildings are smashed and flipped on their sides.

"Fuck," you wheeze, holding onto the scar that stretches to two separate sides of your face.

Your ribs are most definitely bruised or broken— there's no doubt about it. Your ankle is a bit sprained and you can't hear anything from your left ear.

You're really looking for Yuuji, you're lovable, and sometimes (a lot of the time) oblivious boyfriend. It's a bit biased, you know. Though Yuuji is at the top of your priority list, you really just want to find anybody who came to Shibuya with Gojo.

An earth-shattering sound makes its way through your ear(s). You turn around sharply, staring in shock as a few inches away from your foot is completely gone.

There's a presence you've felt ever since you woke up and you more or less guessed it was Sukuna.

If you had moved one step ahead, you would've died by what you assumed was Sukuna's domain.

Sukuna.

Your eyes widen as they stare at the crater formed by the King of Curses' domain. There's no way people aren't dead.

Yuuji.

"Oh fuck, Yuuji?!" Your anxiety goes haywire as you force your body to move. Even though every bone in your body aches in pain, pushed to its limit and beyond during the plethora of curses you've fought, you move.

Your heartbeat accelerates as your breaths get shorter. As fast as you run around the perimeter of the crater, you still haven't found Yuuji. Yuuji and his boyish smile every time you get him a gift, Yuuji, and his airy laugh whenever he sees something that manages to get him just right.

Yuuji and, his adorable love for movies, Yuuji, and his bright demeanor, able to make almost anyone fall under his spell.

Yuuji, who you find scratching at the road with tears falling down his eyes, wailing about how he should be the one to die.

It's right then and there, that your heart breaks.

Forgetting about the pain in your body, you rush over to where Yuuji was a heavy exhale, tears brimming your eyes and throbbing pain coursing through your body.

He turns to look at you with eyes that don't look like your boy, that don't look like Yuuji. He looks as if he's seen a ghost —like he didn't expect someone he knew to still be alive.

"You're alive...?" His voice is hoarse like he's dehydrated. It's missing its usual animated tone, his normal light voice, and his smile — fuck his smile.

"Yuuji," You exhale. "Yuuji, you're alive, fuck— you're alive." You get closer, and your body finally collapses on you. You're able to feel the emotions you forced yourself to push down the minute you stepped into the veil encasing Shibuya.

The hurt when you saw people you hold near to your heart die in front of you, the pain every time you felt your bones cracking, or the feeling of your skin stretching to accommodate the wound that was bound to form a scar stretching across your face.

Yuuji backs away from you, his fingers leaving a bloody trail from where you found him scratching at the road. "No! Get away from me— I'll try and kill you too!"

He'll... try and kill you?

Yuuji hangs his head in his arms as he curls into himself, seemingly trying to make his body as small as normal. "I'm nothing but a murderer! No matter what I do— or what I try to do— I just," He interrupts himself with a hiccup, blood mixed with tears leaking from the bottom of his face.

"I can't help anybody! I killed innocent people, I shouldn't be allowed to live!"

Yuuji continues to cry, his bloody fingers gripping his now dirtied pink hair.

Gently, as to not make him pull away from you, your arms wrap around his body. He refuses, trashing in your hold as he begs for you to let go of him, to distance yourself from him in case Sukuna somehow manages to take control again.

"Yuuji." You say softly, letting your coarse arms run through his hair.

He doesn't respond. Though he isn't struggling to move, he still remains unresponsive. "Yuuji, you aren't a monster."

He shakes his head furiously. "I killed them with my own—"

"Sukuna killed them, not you." You mutter softly. Even though you don't know the whole story, you know Yuuji, your Yuuji, would never kill innocent people.

"Yuuji, you aren't a murderer. You aren't a murderer."

Yuuji sobs into your shoulder, his bloody fingers gripping tightly against your shirt. "I'm sorry— I'm sorry!"

You keep your voice soft, softly running through his hair and rubbing circles on his back as well. "It wasn't your fault, 's okay..."

You reassure him, keep telling him that he wasn't a murderer, that he wouldn't kill innocent people on purpose, and little by little you think he's believing you.

"We, we have to go find everyone else," Yuuji says. His voice is drier if that's possible and his eyes feel so sunken, they don't feel like Yuuji. You don't hold that against him, he just went through a traumatic experience and obviously he isn't going to be the same boy you're used to.

Your shoulder is wet, and Yuuji's blood is staining your back. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Yuuji nods. Though it doesn't feel all the way true, it doesn't feel fake either. You press a tiny peck on his cheek, showing him a smile to let him know that he isn't alone.

As long as you were there with him, he'll never be alone.

"Fushiguro is... is [Name] still alive?" Itadori asks, sitting across from Yuta, divided by their makeshift fireplace.

Fushiguro averts his eyes with a guilty look on his face as he shakes his head.

"Oh."

Itadori Yuuji is alone.

He's lost his best friend, Nobara, his mentor (practically his father), Nanamin, Todo lost his technique because of him, and now, he's lost the one person who he truly felt like he could fall back on.

The one person who saw him at his lowest, and somehow brought him back from that.

"Oh."

He's alone.

And he genuinely doesn't know how he can cope without the help of his lover, his [Name].

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hsgucci94 · 2 years

Text

Her first

Summary: The one where Y/N joins One Direction on tour and decides to lose it to Harry.

Content warnings: first-time sex, fluff, ~ you might actually fall in love ~.

Word count: 2k

A/N: i’m a sucker for cute long hair harry, so in my mind this took place in 2015, while One Direction was still on tour :’)

masterlist

———

Harry's lips tasted like candy..., maybe because they were so pink and fluffy, or maybe because he had just been eating some of the one Y/N bought from the candy shop around the corner. Either way, his lips were addictive, and she always found herself gluing them to hers whenever she had the chance.

Another day, another kissing session, and she was not complaining at all. Ever since she joined One Direction on tour a couple of weeks back, neither her or Harry had been able to stay away from one another for too long. They ate, walked everywhere and practically spent their days together. The only two moments along the day where they weren't inseparable were when he was onstage and when they both went to sleep. They'd been together for four months now, but so far, they hadn't taken it further than kissing. They hadn't had the chance to just yet. In fact, this was the first time they were kissing in such an intimate place: his bedroom.

Parks, friends' parties, and even backstage: they had kissed almost everywhere, but always open-pit. Which was something that came to Y/N’s mind the moment he rested his hand on top of her knee. Nothing he hadn't done before, but when he had, there were people around and in that moment none was.

“I…,” she gulped, suddenly pulling away from him. She bit the inside of her cheek while she looked away. Her heart started beating hard against her chest, resounding through her ears.

Harry frowned, quickly fixing his posture, as well as the noticeable boner that had started growing in his jeans, "ls everything alright, baby?"

She could feel her cheeks turning red, while her anxiety was slowly but intensely making an appearance after days of barely hearing from her. She would have lied and told him she was fine, but the sweat in the palms of her hands and her sudden stutter gave it away before she could come up with an excuse.

"Y/N?" he softly spoke, both scared and concerned, "What's wrong?"

"I... l'Il come by later."

"No," he carefully wrapped his hand around her wrist, keeping her sat on the bed, "Tell me, please. I can't let you leave the room like this," he gulped, "Did I... do something?"

No... Yes? The whole situation was embarrassing to the core, she thought to herself.

"I, um-" she bit the inside of her cheek so hard she made herself bleed, "This level of intimacy... I've never gone further than a few steamy kisses, Harry. And now you, um, you're getting a bit excited down there and...", she could only murmur those words, unable to bring her voice to sound normal while she mouthed them out.

For a split second he just stood there, looking at her, until he finally understood what exactly she was trying to say. His eyes opened slightly, his lips parted, before a relieved sigh escaped from them. The corners of his mouth curled into a smile.

"Oh, God... You almost gave me a heart attack, Y/N." He chuckled, shaking his head. Her cheeks were now even more red if posible. He noticed them; it was hard not to. "It's me, baby." Harry reminded her, "No need to feel embarrassed."

"But it is embarrassing,” she replied, still fighting to get her voice back to its normal tone.

"Why?," he frowned.

"Because..., because I'm inexperienced, Harry."

"So? Listen," he then stretched one of his hands for her, his palm showing, and when she put hers on top of it, he smiled, "I like you, I thought it was obvious?" a shy smiled appeared on her face, "You're dead gorgeous, funny, sweet and caring, just to sum up. I couldn't care less wether you were a virgin or not, trust me. It's fine by me either way," he assured her.

He had kind of got the hint a few days back anyway, when she suggested sleeping in separate rooms. Somehow he was just waiting for her to tell him with complete confidence. He thought they had already reached that point in their relationship where they both could practically talk about anything, but he might had been a bit wrong.

She looked him in the eyes, but didn't say a word.

"You don't believe me, do you?”, he giggled, and she didn't contradict him, which was enough for him to know she actually didn't.

It was not exactly that she didn't believe his words, she just found it hard to understand he didn't care as much as she did about her non existent sexual experience. She was 21 years old and still hadn't shared that type of intimacy with anyone. There was no way he didn't think weird of her, she thought, but apparently he didn't.

"Okay, I know what we're gonna do. From now on, you set the pace. We will kiss, cuddle or whatever whenever you want to and you feel like it. You wanna hold my hand? Feel free to do it. You wanna lay on my chest and play with my hair? You're more than welcome to. Intimacy is not just sex, baby, is everything. It's a closeness in attraction and appeal of thought, emotion and physical language. All three, actually, not just the last one, which we can forget about for now. How does that sound?"

By the time he stopped talking she was speechless, too caught off guard from all he had previously said and how good his words made her feel.

"Y/N?”, he called her, trying to get her to say something. Anything, really. Instead of trying to form a coherent sentence, something she was just not able to do after hearing him talk, she looked down at hers and Harry's hand glued together and entwined her fingers with his, slightly squeezing them as an answer.

"What if..., what if I told I was ready?"

"Then I'd kiss you like I was a few minutes ago and l'd try my best to make you feel good," he said, "Sex is fun. And when you feel ready, we can try it together. But don't feel pressured to do anything you're not comfortable with, okay?"

She nodded, and he brought her to him, her head now resting on his shoulder. "I really wanna do it, though," she admitted.

"Won't you rather wait a bit?"

"A bit more you mean?" she lifted her face to look at him, giggling, and making him giggle as well.

"Are you sure about this? I don't mind-," she didn't let him finish, and pressed her lips against his instead. "Alright, got it," he chuckled, "C'mere."

He grabbed her hand, and walked them both to the side of the bed, where they stood in front one another as they both carefully stripped down their clothes, their eyes constantly fixed on the other.

"Fuck, you're perfect, Y/N. Every inch of you is," he murmured, his eyes going up and down her body as she simply stayed there, not even having the urge to cover her skin with her arms because she was not feeling uncomfortable at all. Harry was looking at her as someone would look at art in a museum, entirely taking in the sight of her that was in front of him: her chest, her waist, her belly button, the scar right under her hips…, everything.

When she laid on the mattress, he did, too.

"I need you to spread your legs for me. That's right," he smiled at her when she did, his hands on the inside of her tights to keep them open while he positioned between them.

When he was at her entrance, he checked with her one more time to see if she still wanted to go on, and when she gave him a nod, it wasn't enough for him, "I need to hear you say it."

"Yes", she replied, a nervous smile between her lips, and that's how he got the green light.

"It's gonna hurt a bit, baby... I'Il try ease the pain, though.” When she felt him inside her, she momentarily held her breath. "I need you to relax," he murmured, pressing their foreheads together, "Play with my curls, yeah? I know you love that. Get distracted with them, while you keep on looking at me so I can read your face at every move. Can you do that for me?”

She nodded, burying one of her hands in his hair, the other grabbing a piece of bedsheet to pull at whenever the pressure hit harder. He leaned in to kiss her, pressing his lips to hers before moving them somewhere else as he got deeper into her, always being careful not to be too harsh with every movement; he didn't want to hurt her.

He used his kisses as a distraction, to make the whole process feel less uncomfortable and painful for her. He left them on her neck and on her collarbone. In the back of her ear as well, where he soon learnt she had a soft spot that made her slightly shiver whenever his lips brushed against it. Soft movements and calculated thrusts helped him navigate inside of her until he reached his final destination, his body slightly shivering on top of hers when he did. His head fell on Y/N, his long hair tickling her cheeks while his face was hidden in the crook of her neck.

He then moved his head up and looked at her, "You did so good, baby." She blushed a bit. "I promise it'll only get better from now on," he pressed his lips to hers, making her smile mid-kiss. He slowly pulled out of her, murmuring a few "Sorry, baby.…. I'm sorry," whenever she made a grimace. She was still a bit too sensitive.

Harry got ride of the condom, before laying next to her on the bed, one of his arms grabbing her by her waist to turn her to him, her face now just inches away from his.

"How are you feeling?"

Y/N smiled at him, caressing his cheek, "I'm achy, but I'm okay." He nodded, smiling too, and kissed her lips again.

"I need you to go to the bathroom and make sure you pee. I'll wait for you right here to cuddle." He then moved his body a bit to let her out of bed.

A few steps later, she was already sat on toilet. She hadn't even bothered to switch on the light; it was going to be quick. She smirked, casually realising what had just happened a few seconds back.

"And that, folks, is how you lose your V-card to Harry Styles," she shouted. She heard his hysterical laugh right away, which only made her smile bigger.

"Hurry back, you crazy woman. I want cuddles!"

When she went back to bed, he anxiously pulled her to him, locking his legs with hers. His cock slightly brushed against her leg, but she pretended she didn't feel it. Instead, she focused on his embrace, on his emerald green eyes and his rosey lips that adorably smiled at her.

"Can I sleep here with you tonight?”, she said after some time, enjoying the closeness she was experiencing with someone for the first time.

"Tonight and every night if you wish," he replied, kissing her on the forehead, "I'd hate to see you leave to your room one more night."

"I'd hate to leave, too," she admitted.

"That's it, then, it's been settled: as of right now, we'll share the bed wherever we go." She giggled, fully agreeing with that statement.

After some more late night talking, her eyes started to feel way too heavy for her to keep them open, and ended up falling asleep in Harry's arms, him drifting away not much later.

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laladellakang · 1 year

Text

insecurities

masterlist | wattpad

italics dialogue = english

della doesn't let most hate get to her, but that doesn't mean she's impenetrable

contains: angst, insecurities (anxiety), unintentional self-harm. just dark stuff.

i've been through it lmao. sorry it's really triggering. a few of you requested angst and i'm not really good at that so i bring forward stuff that's inspired by what i've gone through (altered because della's problems are different from mine)

after 'we missed you'

"Guys! Come out!" Jake yelled out. "Gather in the living room! Everyone!" he made his way to the couch while holding Della's hand.

"I'm scared..." she told Jake timidly.

"It's okay. Just get it done and we'll go back to normal in no time," he didn't want to tell her that it would go well, as he himself won't know just how angry his other members will be. "Good luck."

Besides, she was greatly at fault.

Jake could see the amusement and relief on the guys' faces as they slowly came to the living room. On the other hand, Della only stared at her lap with wide eyes, trying to hold back tears and a potential panic attack..

"What is it?" Jungwon asked, closing the master bedroom door behind him.

"Della has something to say," Jake leaned back with crossed arms. "Lala?"

"I-" she took a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry for ignoring all of you," short and simple.

The seven men stayed quiet while patiently waiting for an explanation, yet the girl was as still as a rock.

"Is that it? Tell them what you told me," the sternness in Jake's voice was evident, though not to the point of being mistaken for anger.

"A.. sasaeng- a crazy fan got a hold of my Katalk contact and they said some things that really got to me," her eyes were starting to tear up again.

"She didn't report to the company or to us," Jake added.

"It was so fucking dumb. I was hoping that I could have you guys hate me and eventually break up with me so you can move on and get proper girlfriends who's not shitty and fucked like me and have them all to yourselves-" Della suddenly went on and on.

"Della stop," Jay cut her off.

"But at the same time, I don't want that at all and I want to keep things as they are-" Sunghoon called her name next, yet she still kept going. "But then that's incredibly selfish of me because who the fuck has more than one lover and just lets them share?"

"Kang Della," even Heeseung resorted to her full name.

"It's incredibly dumb and I should've just talked to you guys about it if it really bothered me that much but I was just thinking that getting you all to hate me was best for you to move on but then I didn't consider our group dynamic and-" that's when Niki had enough, so he shut her up with a kiss.

'Shit- I was about to do that," all six remaining boys thought.

"Della, listen.." Niki pulled back to let the girl focus on Jungwon's words. "I'm not going to lie, what you did was really shitty. All of us just felt like shit for the past few days," anyone could tell the leader was mad and serious.

"None of us will blame you for getting hurt over some stranger's words or for having insecurities. It's more about how it doesn't seem like you trust us enough," Jungwon continued sternly. "You have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven boyfriends. We're your members and best friends, you can tell us anything."

"Jungwon-ah," Sunoo shook his head at the leader.

"Look, I don't want to make you feel worse or anything but we gotta make that clear first," Jungwon continued. "We love you, Della! We won't leave you that easily! You can ignore us for months and we'll still come back to you," he pulled her head into his stomach (as he was still standing in front of her) and caressed the sobbing girl's hair.

"Don't do that again, okay? You trust us, right?" Heeseung rubbed her back, and the girl could only nod in response. "I don't wanna add fuel but doing that is never going to work. All it does is just hurt us- hurt all of us including yourself."

"I'm sorry," Della kept sobbing into Jungwon's shirt. "I'm so sorry."

"Anything else? The ones who didn't speak?" Heeseung looked at the other members.

"I just want all of this to be over and done with. Don't ever do that again please. That's a stupid reason to break up," Jay had his arms crossed and let one hand go to stroke her hair for a bit.

"That's right. Della don't do that ever again please, just talk to us. Any one of us," Sunoo just stared at the many hands comforting her. "You're not fighting this alone. This hurts. It really does."

"I have nothing else to add. I just want this done," Niki managed to sneak an arm to her thigh to gently rub up and down.

"Ack! That tickles," Della's thigh suddenly shoots up, causing the members to chuckle.

Heeseung noticed that one member remained silent and was physically further away compared to the others.

He focused his gaze on Sunghoon and saw that the guy looked really angry, more so than the leader, who immediately let out his feelings. He was spaced out and had his jaw clenched. It was clear that he had a lot on his mind.

The younger seemed to feel the pair of eyes on him, for he snapped out of it to meet Heeseung's stare. The two stayed that way until Jungwon eventually broke it.

"Sunghoon-hyung?" Sunghoon looked over at everyone else. They were all (including Della) looking at him.

He sighed before opening up his arms for Della to enter.

"I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm really angry right now," he whispered into her ear. "I thought that you trust me, trust us- any of us. I wouldn't be mad if it wasn't a big deal but it is and you brought seven other people down with you. You shouldn't do that," he could feel Della's tears soaking his shirt.

"You trust us, right?" he continued. The girl could only nod frantically. "You love us, right? We're not just members, are we?" she nodded again with an additional whine. "Don't do that again, okay? Talk to us. You always said communication is key. It'll save everyone the heartbreak and emotions, yeah?"

"I'm sorry, oppa," Della hugged him tighter. "I'll try my hardest," Sunghoon let out a sigh.

"Honestly, I would have probably asked for some space right now but since you already gave me- gave us that, I just want things back to normal. Make it up to us, I'm sure they're also still pissed. They just miss you too much to admit it," he stroked her hair. "Alright?" she let out a small 'okay' "Okay. Let's stop crying. Let's talk or something. Go cuddle with someone," he kissed her head before pulling away and directing her back to the couch.

"Can we see the texts?"

[kdl]

2023 is shit already.

I hate myself.

I hate myself so fucking much.

No matter how many negative comments I get, no one could ever hate Della as much as Della herself.

It's true that hate can barely get to me, though that doesn't mean I'm immune to everything.

Why is everyone so adamant about the guys dating Aespa?

And suddenly with the slightest curiosity, my Tiktok for-you-page is now filled with the boys' ships.

I was mostly fine with them. Obviously, since idols aren't (mainly) in control of that. Yet I just can't help it at times. The images of how good they look together constantly cloud over my mind- I'm sick and tired of it.

There's a reason why I can't seem to get too close with certain girl groups or members.

It pains me to distance myself from the girls of Aespa or Stayc or heck- even some of the Ive girls just because of my dumbass insecurity. They seem like such lovely people but I can't even look at them in real life without thinking of the fucking ship contents.

Fuck, don't even get me started on the ones with my actual friends.

Unbearable anxiety keeps creeping into me whenever Wonyoung or Yuna apologises for shit they're not even responsible for. Most of my texts with (half of) the Le Sserafim girls are their long-ass apologies.

What if they don't want to be my friends anymore? What if they're uncomfortable with all of this?

Wouldn't have happened if you didn't catch feelings, dumb fuck. You should've known not to fall in love. This is what you get.

I'm going through all this personal stuff already and guess what's the cherry on top of this shit sandwich.

The hate is worse than ever before. A lot worse than when Enhypen first started- and that's saying a lot.

There are hundreds- maybe thousands (okay that's an extreme exaggeration) of videos, comments, and posts that hate on every single fucking thing I do.

I noticed that it started from me getting a bit touchy with the guys during award shows. By touchy, I mean by holding their hands when I start to get really anxious. Apparently, it was seen as 'pick me behaviour' since I wouldn't let peoples' ship moments happen for long.

Then it spiralled into people compiling all the moments where I acted really 'territorial' or 'pick me' around the guys. Then it just went to everything. My singing. My dancing. My rap. My clothes. My mannerisms. My habits. The way I talk, eat, walk, look at people- everything.

What's worse is that even some of my fans are starting to agree.

I could usually cheer up a bit if I focus on the positive posts but even Engenes are saying stuff like 'I love Della but she's...' 'Della's my girl but...' 'I don't wanna hate on Della but...'

It wouldn't stop. It came to the point where I had to avoid all social media, including Weverse, just so I can have a chance to breathe. Even then, I still have this shit anxiety to deal with.

The boys, my friends, my family, the loyal fans, the concerts are all there to distract and comfort me. I've been very vocal to the guys and I'm actually attending weekly therapy.

It worked, of course, but it's not permanent. Over a month has passed, yet the anxiety keeps coming back.

It got so bad that my therapist advised me to go see a psychiatrist for medication options, which I would gladly do. The company disagreed though. Something about how antidepressants make people gain weight.

I'm exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I don't want to pretend to be happy anymore. I just want to disappear.

I hate how I have anxiety. I hate how I'm not good enough. I hate how I can't be happy. I hate myself, I just hate Della so much.

"DELLA, NO!" Niki abruptly grabbed the grater from me and hugged me tight. "STOP. STOP. SNAP OUT OF IT!" he shook me a little. What?

"Huh?" I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"HYUNG, GET A TOWEL!" he pointed to a towel nearby. What?

"Holy shit- JAY-HYUNG! GET A FIRST AID KIT!" Sunoo wrapped the towel around my right hand.

"WHAT HAPPENED?!" the other guys apart from Jay came into the kitchen frantically.

"Della- Lala was grating and- and she grated her hand," Sunoo looked at them with wide eyes. Huh?

"Holy fuck- why is there so much blood?" Jay entered with the first aid kit.

Suddenly I felt a terrible sting on my palm. I turned my attention to the hand Sunoo was holding and could see the heavily red-tinted towel.

I was grating potatoes. I was getting close to the end of it so I held it with my open palm, as I usually do... and then I guess I zoned out.

Oh shit, the potatoes.

"The- the potatoes," I looked at the most recently grated ones. They were unusable. They were completely red.

"DELLA, FUCKING SNAP OUT OF IT!" Niki shook me again.

"How did you not feel that?!" Jake yelled.

"I... I..." I didn't know what to say. It was painful, yet familiar. "I- potatoes- dinner."

"DELLA PLEASE!" Sunoo screamed out, hanging his head down.

"PLEASE, STOP!" "SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT" I could hear the others yelling too.

"Let's sit her down. Niki, bring her to the living room," Jungwon instructed shakily. "Come on, Lala."

"My- my hand," it hit me. My hand was completely fucked. It wasn't even a small injury like how it usually is.

"It's okay. It's okay. Look, Jay's treating it," Sunghoon tried to calm my building-up panic attack, even though his voice was also filled with nerves.

"I'm sorry," yet I couldn't help it. My eyes brimmed with tears and my voice started to shake. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop, stop. It's getting treated right now, it's okay," Heeseung pat my head with a sniffle.

"This is gonna sting. I'm sorry, Della," Jay's voice sounded like he had a lump in his throat. "One, two, three."

Now this familiar feeling, I hate. Treating the wounds hurt so much.

I hissed loudly at the pain, while the members tried to calm me down by saying reassuring words. Their voices overlapped one another's, but it was mostly 'shhh's, 'it's okay's, and 'just a little bit more's.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY!" I screamed in pain. "I didn't mean to, I swear!" I cried out.

"We know, we know," Niki rubbed my shoulder. I was sat on his lap as he was still holding me.

"Almost there," Jay croaked out. "Just gotta wrap it."

"I hate myself so much, I don't know what to do," I sobbed into Sunoo's arm. I talked to the boys, I talked to my therapist. I did it right this time. So why am I still like this?

"I'm sorry, Lala," Jungwon held my uninjured hand. "I wish we can take this away from you."

"Do you want to have a break? A hiatus? We can talk to the company together," Heeseung offered.

"Noo, not now," I managed out. "The- the tour, the comeback, fashion week-"

"Don't worry about it. You need to have some rest, Della," Jake ran a hand through his hair.

"The company-" I was cut off by a chorus of 'we'll help's and 'we'll talk to them's.

I was the only member of Enhypen who is not allowed to have a hiatus. If I had to go on one, the whole team does too. The company said they can't have Enhypen look like a boy group or people would get used to it and say it looks better that way.

"No! Please! Give me one more chance- I'll get better, please!" I can't be selfish. I can't be selfish.

"You're not being selfish, Della, please," Sunghoon pleaded.

"NO! PLEASE! JUNGWON PLEASE!" I turned to the leader. If I can convince him, everyone will follow. "Please... One more chance. Please."

"But Lala.. You-" his eyes glossed over the state I was in. "Look at you! We can't let you move on like this!"

"Psychiatrist!" Niki spoke up. "She can take the medicine," he tried to somewhat defend me.

"I-" I wanted to protest but I knew I had to agree. Look at your boyfriends, Della. You fucking hurt them. Again.

And again.

And again and again and again-

Shut the fuck up.

"Yes! Try the medication, please, Della," Jake sounded desperate and lost.

"What if it doesn't wo-"

"IT HAS TO!" Jay yelled, causing all of us to flinch. "IT FUCKING HAS TO!"

"Jongseong-ah," Heeseung tried to calm him down.

"If it doesn't work then hiatus! Leave the group! Anything! Just please-" his voice cracked again. "Just come back. Get better, please."

No. Anything but leaving the group. I can't let something as dumb as my insecurities get in the way of my dreams that I worked so fucking hard on. Both the career of my dreams and the relationship of my dreams.

And after going through so many member departures, I know how heartbreaking it is for the fans and members.

This anxiety has to get better. It has to.

"Either way, we piss off the company, right?" I joked with a small chuckle. "Might as well choose the option that'll make me look hotter."

My aim was to make them laugh a little. Instead, I got them crying even harder.

"I love you all so much. I'm so sorry you have to deal with m-" Sunoo managed to speak through his tears and cut me off.

"We're not dealing with anything, Della. We'll go to the ends of the planet to find a cure for you."

happy birthday month to della and i. happy anniversary month to della and the guys 🤍 i'll try to update as much as i could. starting things off a little dark..

requested:— we missed you pt. 2— angst— della regarding enha x aespa— della hiatus (though it's only talks of it)— della gets into an accident (though not as extreme as a car crash)

taglist! @afiaaaa19 @riikiblr @one16core @toriluvsfics @i90snoo @danyxthirstae01 @seulgifted @cla-iii @hiqhkey @nichmeddar @jiwlys @duolingofanaccount @nvmbheart @studioreader @sarang-wonie @fairydosii @hoonstrology @jaetint @4sahii @8-itsmee-8

#kang della #enhypen female addition #enhypen oc #enhypen female member #enhypen 8th member #8th member of enhypen #enhypen ff #enhypen reactions #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x oc #enhypen added member #enhypen eigth member #kpop added member #kpop oc #enhypen female oc #enhypen imagines #enhypen poly fic #enhypen poly

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sidgeno-ficrecs · 3 months

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this delicate place by @ljummen

sidgeno (2019, explicit, 32.8k) **content notes: mental illness, anxiety attacks, depression, trauma and its aftermath

“Are you?” Taylor asks unexpectedly. “Am I what?” Looking up from the stove, Sid finds her watching him with an odd look on her face. “Happy.” It should be an easy question to answer. Sid has escaped back to Canada after a career ending injury. It doesn’t dawn on him exactly how much early retirement has affected him, until Taylor introduces him to a YouTube channel where a firefighter talks about his own struggles with his mental health.

Hey Geno,

I just watched this video and realized that I’ve had several panic attacks over the course of a few months. I had one a few hours ago. I haven’t experienced anything traumatic, but anxiety (I assume, based on your description in this video) has been sneaking up on me. A week ago, I bought two plants, like you suggested in another video. Today’s panic attack was triggered by me noticing that they were dead (the plants, I mean).

I feel stupid for reacting to something so trivial. I haven’t watched that many of your videos, but from what I understood, you actually experienced something bad. So why am I broken for no reason?

this is a hard time of year.

it's dark, it's cold (if you're in the northern hemisphere), and for me at least, it always seems like the post-holiday winter stretch is when bad things happen. it's easy to get lost in your own head and spend hours dwelling on what's gone wrong, or what might go wrong, and get stuck in a negative feedback loop that can be so, so hard to break out of.

i've mentioned before that i don't love fics that diagnose sid (or geno, but it's usually sid) with certain neurodivergencies because in my experience it leads to people talking about him like he actually has x or y and it makes me uncomfortable, but i re-read this fic last night because i've been feeling down recently and i think it deserves a moment in the spotlight.

this story is a very raw, honest look at what it can be like to deal with depression and anxiety, from the perspective of someone who never has before and doesn't know what's going on and needs an extra push to see what's happening and get help.

depression is a lonely, isolating experience, and that's part of what makes it so dangerous. it's so easy to not notice that you're withdrawing and losing yourself until it's almost too much to climb out of, and on top of all that you've lost all motivation to take steps to get better. it's a vicious, evil little trick the brain can play on you, and @ljummen walks us through sidney's experience with it with care, honesty, and compassion.

this fic made me feel seen. it can be hard to read—sid has panic attacks and we as readers experience them right along with him, along with the other symptoms of depression—but if you're in a space where reading about it won't make you feel worse or trigger anything, i really recommend it. we see sid struggle, we see him be in denial of what he's dealing with—what does he have to be depressed over, after all? what trauma does he have to deal with?—and, crucially, we see him turn a corner and start to get better.

i think that's the magic of this story. sid manages to step outside of the black pit he's stuck in long enough to take steps to get help, and he meets someone who knows him and understands what he's going through, and they fall in love despite the obstacles in their way. it's a story about someone whose life isn't going the way they thought it would, but who manages to see that's not necessarily the end of the world, and for me at least reading this story gave me comfort and hope.

yes, it can be dark at times. life can be hard, so hard that it seems easier to just go back to bed and try and wait it out. but you also might meet someone who sees you, and knows you, and is there for you, and who you can see and know and support in return. there's light out there, if you can peek outside the curtain to look for it.

i hope you're all taking care of yourselves. be gentle with your own mind if you've been having a difficult time. reach out to the people who love you—they want to be there for you, even if you're hearing that little voice that says you're just a burden.

and if you're up to it, read this story, which will hopefully provide you a little comfort and escape and hope, like it does for me when i'm having bad days.

read it here on ao3!

and don't forget to leave a comment!

#hockey rpf #sidgeno #sidgeno fic rec #hockey fic recs #sidgeno fic recs #hockey fic rec #@ljummen

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spicyicetea · 10 months

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OK OK OK

I've been so distracted by Submas recently. They are my favourite train boys, they make my Autism go Brrrr. Lowkey such a simp but recently I’ve fallen down AU rabbit holes. My favourite by far is a Story by @onestepbackwards called Our Angel which is a Greaser!Submas x reader AU.

Firstly if you haven’t yet read what is up currently, DO IT. It is so good, all of their work is, and it low-key has made me feel so much better as I’ve been unwell recently and I’ve even used some of their stuff to calm down from anxiety attacks. I can’t recommend a writer more right now, and please treat yourself and check them out. If you do just remember to be respectful and please don’t bother them too much about writing more, gotta keep respectful boundaries after all :)

Secondly, after reading their story, and then gobbling every other bit of Greaser!Submas I could get my little fingys on, I decided to draw the brothers from the AU in the way I pictured them in my head. These are most likely not accurate at all to how they picture these boys but I was just doing this because ADHD suddenly decided what we were doing for the next hour or so. This took me far longer to finish than I meant so I hope people like this, I had to do the boys justice and I’ve never drawn them in my style before. So here! I was going to get rid of the top bust shots where I was trying to figure out how to draw their hair and make them look different but I left it in cause I kinda like them.

If you’re interested in the Greaser AU, then again check out @onestepbackwards. When going through the #Greaser!Submas I also stumbled upon @r0-boat and @smallestapplin who also have incredible stuff written, I enjoy all of the stuff I’ve read so far from them. I already knew of @yanban-san as I stumbled across them a few months ago and they do a ton more AU!Submas and their art is incredible.

I know from when I use my Laptop to write my longer fics that sometimes the @ play up so I might write the @ again in a comment as those have never gone overly buggy for me, but I don’t know. If you’re one of the cool people I’ve mentioned:

Friends? and yes this is really a demand not a question /j

Your stuff is so cool, so please excuse my fangirling, I just couldn’t not talk about it somewhere.

That's my rant over, night everyone!

#x reader #submas #greaser!submas #greaser!Emmet #greaser!Ingo #greaser!submas x reader #greaser!Emmet x reader #greaser!Ingo x reader #subway master emmet #submas ingo #submas emmet #subway master ingo #ingo and emmet

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readingtostaysane · 5 months

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I'm glad my mom died by Jennette McCurdy - Review

rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5)

I’m glad my mom died tells the story of Jennette McCurdy’s relationship with her mother and her path towards becoming an actress and later dealing with the trauma her mother helped inflict on her.

This book deals with themes such as abusive parents, anorexia, bulimia, anxiety, panic attacks and it implies rape and sexual abuse in the workplace.

Prior to my reading I had seen a few episodes of iCarly, however I wasn’t an avid watcher, I tuned in to Disney Channel more. Therefore I went to this book not knowing much about Jennette’s life.

The marketing for this book might have been misleading to some, it was said to be a heartbreaking and funny memoir. While Jennette’s voice as the narrator can be witty, it is mostly provocative, challenging you to react and oppose to what is bring shown. The things that happen are horrifying, sad and at times hopeless.

Speaking of Jennette’s voice, this book is narrated through her perspective as she grows up. Her inner voice changes and evolves throughout the memoir as we see her go through changes. This type of narration worked really well here, it makes it more brutal but also honest. We could see how the things her mom did to her affected her in real time, instead of only reflecting on the trauma she left behind. We also see her slowly coming to terms that she was abused, and I think had she gone a different route and write this solely based on her present self perspective, it wouldn’t have been as impactful.

“I've spent my whole life studying her so that I can always know, because I always want to do whatever I can in any given moment to keep or make Mom happy.”

The relationship Jennette has with her mother is codependent, hurtful and scary. She has no autonomy over her life, her decisions or her tastes because she’s busy trying to please her mother. She carries very heavy weight of responsibility to make her mom happy, she makes sacrifices no child should do to make that happen.

Her mother is no different, she’s very codependent on Jennette, citing her as her best friend multiple times. She wants to be around her daughter at all times and control every aspect of her life. She knows Jennette so well she can use her words to hurt (which she does in adult Jennette’s life) or to comfort.

"I don't want to act anymore," I say before I even realize I've said it. (…) "Don't be silly, you love acting. It's your favorite thing in the world," Mom says in a way that makes it sound like a threat. (…) "No, I really don't want to. I don't like it. It makes me uncomfortable." Mom's face looks like she just ate a lemon. It contorts in a way that terrifies me. I know what's coming next. "You can't quit!" she sobs. "This was our chance! This was ouuuuur chaaaaance!" She bangs on the steering wheel, accidentally hitting the horn. Mascara trickles down her cheeks. She's hysterical, like I was in the Hollywood Homicide audition. Her hysteria frightens me and demands to be taken care of. "Never mind," I say loudly so Mom can hear it through her sobs. Her crying stops immediately, except for one leftover sniffle, but as soon as that sniffe is over, it's complete silence. I'm not the only one who can cry on cue.

Jennette does a very good job in choosing specific scenes to make a point across. She does one of the things I love the most in literature. Show don’t tell. Some scenes are short but powerful, aiming to show us her mother’s sadistic behaviour, leaving Jennette’s anxiety levels to rise up.

Her mother wanted her to act and she manipulated her until she died just so she could continue that job, the excerpt above is one of the examples of that manipulation happening.

If I start to grow up, Mom won't love me as much. She often weeps and holds me really tight and says she just wants me to stay small and young. (…) I'm determined to not grow up. 'll do anything to stop it from happening. "Well, is there anything I could do to stop the boobies from coming in?" I ask Mom nervously. (…) Mom is grateful-happy. (…) "Well, sweetheart, if you really want to know how to stay small, there's this secret thing you can do... i's called calorie restriction."

When I read that passage I had to put the book down and scream into the void.

A big theme this book addresses is eating disorders, Jennette’s issues with food start when she’s eleven years old and her mother incentives her to calorie restriction. It’s a very graphic part of the book and possibly the most disturbing. Jennette goes into great detail in how she and her mother planned and prepped her foods (or lack of) and how they measured her weight. It also shows her mother’s careless comments about her body, making her relationship with food even worse. When she starts developing bulimia it is graphic, horrifying and if you’re someone that struggles with this, this might not be the book for you. I thought it was too much, but maybe it was necessary for her to get specific, so we could really understand.

The book doesn’t go into great detail about her time on iCarly and Sam&Cat and it didn’t need to. I understand fans would love behind the scenes, but ultimately this memoir was about her traumas with her mother.

Jennette tells us about “The Creator” and how her workplace was abusive. She speaks about the anxiety and unhappiness she felt when shooting the series, them not letting her direct and episode in Sam&Cat and her friendships that outlasted the show.

She also speaks on how fame affected her and how much she loathe it. This book starts great conversations about the ethics behinds child actors and how much the work conditions fail them.

Sometimes when I miss her I start to fantasize about what life would be like if she were still alive and I imagine that maybe she'd have apologized, and we'd have wept in each other's arms and promised each other we'd start fresh. Maybe she'd support me having my own identity, my own hopes and dreams and pursuits. But then I realize I'm just romanticizing the dead in the same way I wish everyone else wouldn't.

The book ends with Jennette enrolling into therapy (god bless) and her path to healing. It’s a tough road but she’s making progress. In the end she comes to terms that she can love her mom while admitting she was abusive to her and I feel like that’s a very nice way to close such a tragic and horrifying story.

#booklr #books & libraries #book review #book quotes #books #literature #reading #my reviews #jennette mccurdy #i'm glad my mom died #book recommendations #book reccs #trauma #memoir #nonfiction

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hawkinshighdropout · 2 years

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Today Your Love, Tomorrow the World.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x (female) Reader

Summary: Your mental health has been getting bad again, worse than usual at least, and Eddie comes home at the end of the day to try and take some of the weight off of your shoulders.

Warnings: Mental health is mentioned in this briefly, not in any graphic detail and not really any specifics, but I wanted to warn y'all in case even the mere mention of depression and anxiety was triggering. There's a few sad tears but then it's full of supportive and comforting boyfriend Eddie, I didn't want to intentionally make anything to glorify or commodify mental health, this is meant to be sweet.

Note/Request: Requested by anonymous. “Hi! i love how you write for Eddie and I have never requested anything from anyone before so... here goes nothing I guess 😅 i've really been struggling with my mental health lately. everything has been setting off severe panic attacks, I've barely been sleeping or eating... it's been a rough couple months. i was wondering if you could write something about Eddie and the reader going through something similar? if you're comfortable, of course. if not, I understand!”

Word Count: 2.5k

Send me prompts to write about!

It’s been getting bad again… It comes and goes in waves, your mental health. Your social battery had been gradually decreasing for the last couple of weeks. Finding yourself to be far more irritable, sensitive, anxious. Smaller tasks begun to overwhelm you again and you found yourself residing most of your time in your room. Bed mocking you each and every night as you were laying restless and grew more sleep deprived. Things were supposed to be looking up, this was supposed to be your year. Not that you had any control over that realistically, you knew it would always ebb and flow, recovery wasn’t linear. You’d had so many good days that you almost forgot you could even have bad ones… Boy did you consider this a reality check.

You recognised the symptoms, the signs snowballing one after another as you slipped away. Dissociating more often, eating less, sleeping a /lot/ less despite the fact you practically lived in your bed when you could, even your general hygiene had gone down. Truth be told, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d showered or brushed your hair, it wasn’t something you had the energy to do as of late, it was a chore.

It was currently about nine pm for you, you were bundled up with blankets on the couch of Eddie’s living room. Eddie was your boyfriend, one you didn’t consider yourself deserving of. He was the light of your life, and you just felt like a burden. He never thought of you that way, not even for a second. He never even made you feel like that, those are just the harrowing and intrusive thoughts you felt on nights like these. The pair of you were happily in love, but nights like these tested your thoughts and put doubt in your head, constantly thinking he could do better.

He was none the wiser, he looked at you like you’d personally hung the stars in the sky, like you hand crafted the moon just for him. He thought you were God’s greatest gift, even though he wasn’t religious, he just truly thought so highly of you and loved you with all his heart, the way you truly deserved to be loved.

The front door closing in the distance is what took you out of your trance like state, blinking slowly before looking up at the bundle of joy walking through the door. You felt like you could breathe again for the first time since he left this morning. Having been out with his group of friends doing another campaign all day, this was the first time you’d seen him, the first time you felt at home. He had offered to stay home when he could see the look in your eyes, he made it abundantly clear that he would happily postpone to comfort you and be here with you, he didn’t postpone for anybody, that’s how you knew it was bad.

You’d insisted he go, you wanted him to have fun. He put so much love and effort into every aspect of his life, including his clubs, you wanted him to get the best out of his time and experience things freely. You didn’t want to keep him locked up in the trailer and suffer just because you weren’t doing great. He reluctantly left this morning with the promise of undivided attention when he got home, not parting ways with you until he had smothered you in kisses and reminded you that you were loved and cared for.

The corners of your lips threatened to tweak up into a smile as you saw him wandering towards you, his lips instantly pressing against your forehead as he crouched down to be eye level with you. His hands taking your own so he could glide his thumbs affectionately across your knuckles. He was so tender, so gentle with you, so scared that you might snap and break, like you’d crumble if he touched too hard.

“Hi, sweetheart…” he said, voice soft, “how’s my favourite girl, hm?” eyes scanning your expression to gauge how you were doing, a nervous smile on his lips.

“I’m… okay, I guess?” you didn’t sound convincing, not even to yourself. The sight alone of him kneeling down and being attentive made your voice wobble a little, feeling your eyes burning as they threatened to spill over with tears.

“You don’t have to lie to me, my love. It’s okay to tell me you’re not okay.” he reassured you, instantly causing you to hiccup as the first couple of tears spilled down your cheeks.

In a flash, he was up on the couch with you, arms around your midsection as you slumped against his chest. He adjusted the blanket so you were both bundled up, hands stroking your back and lips pressed to your forehead whilst he let you cry. He was good at this routine by now, which is a little sad to think about. He knew when to give you time to cry, and when to comfort you, and when to intervene and problem solve for you. You appreciated that.

After what felt like forever but was probably about ten to fifteen minutes, you’d resorted to just being a little sniffly and slumping against his chest. Seemingly all cried out. Or just too exhausted to continue, who knows? Once you were at a more relaxed state, Eddie pressed one further kiss to the top of your head and whispered fondly to you.

“Sweetheart… Look at me?”

Tilting your head up, his thumbs springing into action to delicately wipe the tears from your cheeks. Pressing the most loving kiss to the tip of your nose before brushing your bangs out of your eyes.

“Do you think you could stomach some food? Hm? Nothing crazy, just so something is in your system?” he would never pressure you or guilt you, he just wanted to provide options and comfort you in baby steps. Going at your pace so he didn’t make anything worse for you. You nod a little, you hadn’t eaten anything proper all day and the sheer mention of food made your stomach growl in response.

“Atta girl. How about you stay here and I’ll go make you some ramen, yeah? Sound good?”

Another silent nod came from you, gently shifting you so you’re comfortable and bundled in the blankets once more. Kissing your forehead as he wandered the few small steps away to the kitchen, he started to prepare one of your comfort meal, packed ramen. It only took a couple minutes of getting some hot water, cooking the noodles and adding in the flavours, but you watched fondly as he would dance about the kitchen softly singing to himself as he worked.

Placing the bowl of ramen on the mini dining table he’s got in the trailer, giving you the options of both a fork or chopsticks, accompanying the meal with a bottle of water fresh from the fridge. For himself? He just grabbed a Dr. Pepper and a handful of pretzels, mumbling that he had pizza with the guys earlier so he didn’t need anything real to eat. Sitting opposite you at the table, a fond look on his face as you slowly started to eat your noodles and sip at your water. You opted for the fork today, not having the energy to stumble your way through chopsticks.

“How is it, honey?” His voice still laced with love and affection for you, looking up from your noodles to smile across at him.

“It’s good… thank you.” the first words you’d really said since he got back, he was letting you be in your own head, giving you the space to just exist and be taken care of.

“Once you’re done, I was gonna hop in the shower. Did you want to join me?” He offered.

Nodding once again, you felt like you could shower if he was there to assist you. Something about him being about was just comforting to you, you didn’t catch the proud smile on his face that he gave you as you slowly chowed down. The moment you were done, he was happily scooping up the bowl and placing it in the sink to attend to tomorrow, taking your now-empty water bottle and placing it in the recycling.

“Let’s go, princess.” he said sweetly, kissing your temple before guiding you into the small bathroom. Flicking the shower on, making sure the temperature was warm, Eddie then started the process of undressing the pair of you. Stripping you both down to your underwear, making sure all laundry went into the basket, helping you take your hair out of its bun and making sure all jewellery was on the sink. Once all clothes had been slumped off of your bodies, you looked up at him for direction.

He hopped in first, acting like a Guinea pig, wanting to make sure it was warm enough for you both. Once it was to his satisfaction, he took your hand and helped you into the shower, closing the curtain behind you both so you didn’t flood the house. The first couple minutes of the shower were in silence, Eddie would take the wash cloth and put shower gel all over it, gently scrubbing you one limb at a time. You giggled as he ran the cloth across your stomach and sides as you were ticklish, resulting in a fond grin from the older man at the sound.

Your body was fully clean, and he wasted no time in grabbing your facial cleanser, applying some to his hands before giving your face a sweet little massage to clean you. Using the much smaller wash cloth to clean your face of any chemical residue. Repeating the same process with himself, cleaning both his face and body until the pair of you were squeaky clean besides your hair. Lathering his hands in shampoo, he gets you to spin on the spot, close your eyes and tilt your head back.

Taking his time with massaging the suds into your hair to scrub away any dirt or grime that had built up since the last time you washed it. Taking the shower head and cupping your forehead to make sure nothing got in your eyes, Eddie would rinse the shampoo out of your hair and let it wash down your back. He would repeat the same process with the conditioner, but of course he focused that on the ends of your hair instead. Making sure that all was rinsed out before you were allowed to turn back to him.

“All better, love.” He smiled, to which you smiled back. The first whole hearted smile he had seen from you in days.

He reached the shampoo bottle with the intention of repeating the process on himself, but you caught his wrist gently and stopped him from continuing.

“Allow me?” You mumble sheepishly, taking the bottle from his hands and pouring out enough to lather up. Eddie wasted no time in sinking down to his knees to give you plenty of room and access to his hair, his arms around your thighs whilst he pressed loving little kisses to your soft stomach.

Massaging the shampoo into his scalp, lathering up the curly locks with a soft giggle before you would cover his eyes for protection and rinse them from his hair. Repeating the same process with the conditioner as he has done to you, washing away any chemicals from his soft frame. Placing one last kiss against your stomach, he slowly stands and cups your cheeks in his hand.

“Thank you, princess.” He whispers, leaning down to press a few delicate kisses to your lips which you happily reciprocate.

“Not a problem, handsome.” You smile.

You both spend a little longer in the shower, mostly just letting your bodies relax under the warmth of the water, sharing a kiss or two every now and again as he would tell you all about his day. You listened with genuine intrigue, giggling or snorting whenever an embarrassing moment or funny joke was recited from his hangouts. Eddie turned off the shower and made sure to wrap his waist in a towel before enveloping your whole body in one as well. Standing behind you in the mirror and using his comb to gently brush out your hair so it would dry less frizzy later on.

Kissing your shoulder, he then stands next to you whilst you both begin the process of brushing your teeth together. Spitting, using mouthwash and wiping your faces clean before sharing another kiss. Taking your hand, Eddie leads you into the bedroom with a soft hum coming from his lips.

“Ozzy or Hellfire?” He asks, going through his pile of clean shirts, looking for something to let you sleep in.

“Ozzy, please.” You whisper, trading off his watch in your hand for the shirt in his, making sure he had his accessories before you wander back to the bathroom to change. You double checked that you were fully dry before putting the towel in the laundry basket and slipping on the Black Sabbath shirt he had given you, smiling to yourself that even when it’s clean? It still smelled of him.

Coming back into the room a few minutes later, eyes a little wide as the sheets had changed and Eddie was slumped back on his bed in just his boxers, playing with a dice in his hand to keep him occupied.

“There you are, hi.” He said like a giddy little child at the sight of you, shutting the door behind you as you climb into bed with him. It took mere seconds for you to curl up in his arms, him placing the dice down on the bedside table in favour of holding you and playing with your hair.

“Thank you, for today.” You whisper.

Shaking his head, kissing your forehead and bringing you closer with a squeeze. Feeling his fingers brush up and down your forearm whilst he shushed you. Everything he did was out of love, not out of needing praise and approval.

“Don’t thank me, it’s what you do when you love someone who needs a gentle hand every now and again.” He mumbled into your temple, pecking the skin there several times as you smile up at him. “You’re gonna have your bad days, and I’m gonna help you through them. Im proud of you, you know? Even if you’re just waking up and achieving something as small as mustering up the energy to toast some pop tarts or crawl out of your safety blankets and use the bathroom. I know they’re all small things you struggle with on days like this. But… You’re badass. Every day that you wake up and you don’t feel like you can do things? You still do. You still keep on pushing, you do your thing and then you smash it outta the park every single time. It’s pretty fucking metal when you think about it.”

“I love you.” You say proudly.

“I love you right back, doll.” He grins.

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fallingforel · 10 months

Note

Love your work!!, could you please do prompt 18 “I’ve got you.”

louis fluff - something happens to y/n and the 1D boys comfort her till lou gets there and then says that line and lovey stuff!! absolutely love for protective louis shots😭

request: could you do prompt 18 “I’ve got you.” with louis fluff please! like something happens to y/n and the other boys find her crying or scared and comfort her until louis shows up and he gets protective and just showers her in comfort words and gestures or something! i live for protective lou🥲 sorry if that’s all over the place i don’t word things great😭

A/N of course I can lovelys, this is probably gonna be one of my favourite requests to write so thank you

warnings: panic attack, mentions of death, mentions of cancer, hypochondria, mentions of shootings, parent death, PTSD attack, Mentions of claustrophobia, mentions of smoking (is that even one idk 😅😅)

words: 773

⋆｡°✩

I always have been panic attack prone my whole life, well since my mum had been in a freak accident of being shot at in a supermarket here in the U.K I was with her but the shooter only shot at my mum and not me. it was very rare to be shot at in the U.K. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and you were very lucky to escape it my dad always tells me Though I think it's only to keep me from having anxiety attacks when I think back to it I was 10 when it happened so I was old enough to understand what had happened, even when I didn't want to. My dad had since then bought my brothers and me up. I had met Louis when we both worked in Toys R us and we hit it off instantly and I had signed him up for x-factor after our first date in a karaoke bar in leeds we made a whole day trip to leeds for our first date.

I could feel one coming on as soon as Harry, niall and I got back to the tour bus. We had all gone out for food. Zayn, Liam and Louis had stayed behind to smoke cigarettes so Niall Harry and I had opted to go back to the tour bus. Sometimes I smoke but I was too full and had a headache all day. I think the headache caused it, I also have hypochondria so this hightens my PTSD because I think I have cancer or something and then I panic and it leads into a full anxiety attack. They are never pretty but Louis' there through all of them and knows exactly how to calm me down when I'm going through them.

My breathing quickens "y/n/n are you okay? You look really pale." Niall asks but I barely hear it before I'm dropping to the floor and crying "shit. y/n, can you focus on my voice for me?" Harry says. But in amongst the ringing its very hard to make out My breathing quickens again and I start to shake. "shit, Ni call Louis tell him to come back. It's one of the worse ones" the ringing loudens before I'm squinting my eyes shut and saying "STOP MAKE IT STOP DONT SHOOT!"

A few minutes of ringing and my sobs fill the air before Louis taps on my chest "Hey darling, You're okay. Focus on the tapping can you do that for me?" he asks me which I nod to. "good darling keep doing that for me"

-LOUIS POV-

"Harry can you take her jumper off for me I need to keep tapping her chest I can't do it myself" He nods and is quick to do so "what now?" "get her pyjamas from my bunk shes gonna want to change, she's all sweaty. Niall can you get a cold glass of water and a cold wet flannel aswell, she's burning up she's stressed. After that can you all leave the room. Just leave everything In a pile next to me I'll sort it out, she needs space this is making everything worse, the cramped tour bus doesnt help. just all wait outside please." They are all quick to nod and do as I have said.

As soon as everyone is off the tour bus I'm stripping her out of her top and pulling mine off too and pulling her close to me so we can do skin to skin

"right, now darling focus on my breathing can you do that for me breathe with me In. two three four. Out, two three four. Good girl thats it keep doing that for me. I've got you" and she follows enough so that she's calm and her breath is back to normal.

"What even happened babe?" I say "Headache, you know my hypochondria aggrivates the PTSD I think that I've got cancer then I'm going to die and then I think of death then my mum then the day it all went down"

"I see, I see. I knew I should've gone with you, knew something bad would happen the moment you left my side."

"No, don't be so silly. It would've happened either way. I would've calmed down eventually whether you were here or not"

"No you wouldn't have"

"Lou, Babe. don't blame yourself you nor I can control when they happen you know that. Dont be so silly. I know you'll always be there when they stop You've got me always."

" i know, I've got you, always darling"

⋆｡°✩

end.

#louis tommo #louis tomlinson fluff #louis tomlinson x reader #louis tomlinson #one direction fluff #one direction x reader #one direction #harry styles #niall horan #zayn malik #liam payne #angst x reader #fluff

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carmillas-vampiric-rage · 5 months

Text

What if It All Happens Again?

trauma doesn't leave easily. it lingers. sticks to you like cobwebs. remains a part of you like a still bleeding scar. and sometimes even when you think you're getting better, your finally healing, the scabs start to tear away, creating a fresh new wound.

warnings: hurt/comfort. descriptions of anxiety and panic attacks. very very slight mention of s*icidal thoughts (it's very vague). trauma.

a/n: this is a very personal story. I've been going through a very difficult time this last year and i thought i was coming to the end of all that stuff. but it got pretty bad today. so I'm writing this. I'm proud of myself for doing something productive with these pains. 🍊

bi-han x black biracial reader (gn!)

you half distractedly set your hair pick on your nightstand, staring at nothing in particular. your throat felt tight and uneasy sensations kept seeping into your chest and stomach. you finally gathered your kinky hair into a bun before wrapping your head in your silk headpiece, and that's when you realized you hadn't been listening to bi-han at all.

he'd been talking about today's mission. something about the next "champion" -bi-han's phrasing- liu kang had gone to find along with him and his brother kuai liang. "mediocre actor" and "imbecile" were only a few of the words you could focus on bi-han saying as your mind plagued you with your doubts. the ever looming thoughts that you were usually able to keep at bay. it's gonna happen again, i'm going to lose everything again. thoughts you'd gotten so much better at not letting take over your mind and body. but tonight was one of your worse nights, those thoughts were spilling into your mind, ever looming, as if they'd manifested into a large shadow figure that was always at the corner of your eye, reminding you of your failures, of how nothing good ever lasted for you, that you were doomed to repeat the same sorrows and traumas you'd barely began to heal from.

soon everyone here will hate me, just like they did back home. I'll be despised and abandoned and just like i was before...

your heartbeat was thundering now and your chest was tight, it felt hard to swallow but you did anyway, again, again, almost obsessively, even though you knew it wouldn't ease the block in your throat. it was getting more difficult to breathe, like weights were pressed up against your lungs, your stomach felt empty and hollow and you realized how tense your lower body felt. how you tensed up your thighs were as if ready to run if the thoughts kept plaguing you. your lower back ached and you moved to ease some of the tension. they'll find a reason to be rid of you, just as they did before.. you're never truly safe or liked... and it'll be my fault..I'll deserve it...

you heard bi-han speak your name and you snapped out of your drowning. he sounded slightly irritated, which was usual, as if he'd been calling your name several times already.

"mhm?" you responded, trying not to sound as anxious and depressed as you felt. you sat on the edge of your shared bed, back to him, foot lightly kicking your nightstand. bi-han stood on the other side, still fully clothed, not bothering to get comfortable as he ranted.

"did you not hear me?"

"i must have zoned out, I'm sorry my love." the smile you gave him did not meet your eyes and bi-han immediately picked up on that. "you have not heard anything i've just said did you?"

"no, no, i was listening." you lied turning your back again. "he's a cheesy wannabe actor who has no business in the tournament. i heard you." you turned again, only to smile at him again. and bi-han could still tell it didn't meet your eyes. he narrowed his own eyes at you.

"what is the matter?" he asked- moreso demanded of you.

you gave a long sigh and shrugged before absently running the fabric of your robe between your fingers. "it's nothing really, I'm listening i promise, tell me again how you broke this guy's priceless vase- I'm listening." you turned fully to face him. it was almost as if you were pleading with him. you were now tapping your thigh aggressively, to which bi-han also noticed.

i don't even deserve any of them liking me.. loving me... i don't deserve it.. how worthless can one be if they're hated by everyone?

"if something is wrong, just tell me. i know you don't want to hear about this tournament drivel." his voice sounded intense, mean, he wasn't even necessarily angry at you, he was always angry, but seldom at you, he never liked when you tiptoed around things, he just wanted you to say it.

you turned your face away, opening your mouth to speak, but a soft cry escaped your lips, one you tried to force down, and tears began brimming in your eyes.

bi-han's eyes widened. the realization you weren't just being weird with him for the sake of it hitting him in the face. in one of those rare moments, bi-han's anger dissipated, replaced only by concern, confusion. had someone hurt you? said something to you?

you tried to stop the tears from flowing down your face as your chest tightened and that uneasy sensation washed over you again, you finally felt how tired your body was. you brought a hand to your face as you began to cry, unable to hold all the pent up emotions in anymore.

bi-han was by your side in an instant. strong arms taking a hold of you. he pushed himself as close as he could to you, the contact sending something different to your body than panic and worry.

comfort.

but your tears still didn't stop, and your muscles still weren't relaxed. you tried to avoid him looking at you but he found your gaze.

"tell me what is the matter my dearest, I'm right here." though still intense, his voice was softer, quieter.

you only cried before trying to take a breath and speak.

"you do not need to suffer needlessly, my love, I'm right here with you." he brushed your cheek gently, wiping some of the tears away. you finally could face him, still crying as you rested your forehead firmly against his. he leaned firmly into you, steadying you, his strong arms still around you.

"i'm-" you started trying to take another breath. bi-han took one first, a long slow breath in, then out. it was something he silently always did whenever you panicked like this. wordlessly breathing in to show you you could do the same. and so you did, trying to follow his steady breaths with your uneaven ones.

"i'm just so worried again, about everything that's happened." your voice was raw and still shaking. but bi-han only took another deep breath, silently inviting you to do the same. as you exhaled you continued.

"I'm still so new here, in your home, in this realm.I'm still just.. not over it all. what if i lose this all again. what if I'm cast out, with no home, and nowhere to go. hated by everyone who looks at me. ridiculed and judged. hated by people i thought were my family... my friends...what if it all happens again?" your voice broke again, and you began sobbing more intensely. bi-han's brows furrowed in concern and a rare show of heartbreak. you'd talked to him of your previous life. the one you lived in outworld. the one you described with such adoration, such love and fondness. but also such sadness, such regret and anger. it pained him each and every time you spoke of it.

"where will i go if you all cast me out too? if i disappoint you all like I probably will? it'll be me, then won't it? I'm the issue. the pariah. no one cares about me. how can i bare it when another realm of beings hate me." bi-han felt his chest ache. an uncomfortable feeling. one he seldom felt. he wanted to fix it all. to be able to reach inside of you and take the pain away. to make sure you'd never have to deal with so much worry and sadness again.

you sobbed now. your foreheads still pressed together. the both of you still tangled in one another. bi-han spoke quietly.

"you will not be cast out from here, my love. i know it. but-" he paused a moment, trying to find the right words. he took another deep breath hoping you'd follow, and you did as best you could, though your breath was shakier than ever. "-but if that somehow happens... that still doesn't say anything about you. outworld, earth realm. they can all hate you, but that says nothing. absolutely nothing. they don't know you. how can they possibly when none of them even bothered to try? they can't see what's inside of you. your passion. heart. love. anger. will to survive. you're a good person. and even if all the realms in the universe tell you otherwise. they know nothing of who you are. you're better off without ones who would cast you off so easily.nthe ones that truly care for you will earn it. and show it."

your sobs had quieted down. but you wanted to cry again. bi-han's words hurt, but not because they were hurtful themselves. it was so incredibly hard to say nice things about yourself, to truly believe you were a good person. worthy of love for yourself. you craved connection. validation. and having that all ripped from you from the only home you knew- who'd thrown you out like a worthless stain meant to be washed out...it had broken you.

you took in a very shaky breath. realizing your hands were gripping onto bi-han for dear life. but he hadn't let go of you. arms held securely around you, his head against yours- grounding you, helping you get out of your own mind.

it couldn't happen again. it couldn't. because you weren't sure if you'd be able to survive if it did.

soon you found yourself laying across from him, limbs tangled still, as he gently brushed any lingering tears off your face. you felt your eyes getting heavy. sleep finally taking a hold of you. but you both looked at each other, gently, lovingly, as he caressed your face. you held onto him still, foreheads barely touching, and sleep had almost wrapped it's embrace over you when bi-han placed a kiss to your forehead and put a strong, heavy hand on your lower back, rubbing small circles.

you crumpled into him, burying your face into the crook of his neck. and he held you there. not saying anything more. just occasionally inviting you to take deep breaths with him. rubbing calming circles on your back, your arms, your shoulders. he felt so safe. so comforting. the pang of hurt would come into your head now and again, of everything repeating like it had for so long, but you just pressed yourself further into bi-han, escaping from the shadows and drowning as best you could as he rested his cheek against your covered hair.

"i love you, my dearest. unconditionally. and you are worthy of that love for yourself too."

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

#mk1 #mortal kombat 1 #bi han #sub zero #mk1 bi han #mk1 sub zero #mortal kombat 1 bi han #mortal kombat 1 sub zero #bi han x black biracial reader #bi han x black reader #bi han x reader #bi han x you #sub zero x black biracial reader #sub zero x black reader #sub zero x reader #sub zero x you #mk1 fanfic

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eva-knits12 · 7 months

Text

CE characters discovering you have depression and anxiety

Trigger warning: depression and anxiety. If you feel the need to commit suicide, contact 988 (previously 1-877-273-8255, this will work for some time), or call 911 immediately! Trust me, there is help out there, and there is no shame in asking for help. Things might seem hopeless now, and you feel helpless, and devoid of all energy and life, and you feel like everything hurts, everyone has abandoned you, everyone has turned on you, etc., please know that you are not alone. As I've explained, there is help out there, and there's no shame in asking for help.

Colin Shea:

Colin sees you crying, curled up in a ball.

"I just can't do this...I just can't do this..."

Colin puts his arms around you, and holds you, and rocks you.

Colin tells you everything will be okay, and that you'll get through this.

Colin serenades you with his own songs, and some of his favorites.

Later, he creates a playlist for you.

A few days later, you have an anxiety attack.

Colin tries to help, but he doesn't know how.

He encourages you to see a therapist.

Your doctor and your therapist put you on an antidepressant.

You start seeing your therapist regularly, and take your medicine every day.

You slowly start becoming the old you.

Colin and you spend time together, as you've both been neglecting things lately.

Colin also sees a therapist in order to help you with your depression.

Colin has helped you get better.

Ransom Drysdale:

Ransom has never dealt with this before.

He sees you upset, crying, and shaking.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

You explain that you lost your job, and you're not sure if you can go on anymore.

Ransom doesn't know what to do here.

He looks like a lost puppy.

He tries to help you.

He calls 911 and gets you to the hospital.

You're put in psychiatric care.

Ransom calls you every day, and comes on visiting day during visiting hours.

He brings you a stuffed teddy bear.

He even brings you some clothes, making sure that none of them have strings, and he even brings you a pair of slippers, making sure that they don't have strings.

(Trust me, when you're undergoing a psych eval., the people in the psych ward aren't screwing around with this! No strings, no keys, no razors. I wasn't even allowed to have my knitting because the knitting needles were considered weapons.)

You start to get better, because you're not only getting help, talking, and taking an antidepressant and antianxiety meds,

Ransom helps find you one of the best therapists in the area.

You start getting better because you're finally opening up about what you've been through.

Ransom holds you every night and every morning.

He can't let you go, and he knows that you're still fragile right now.

"You're getting so much better and so much stronger every day."

"I'm proud of you."

Ransom starts seeing a therapist, too as a way to help you and to talk about his past, and as a way to help deal with his crazy family.

Andy Barber:

Andy sees that you're breaking down, and crying.

"Honey, baby, what's wrong?"

You cry some more.

Andy wraps his arms around you, and you just keep sobbing.

Two of your co-workers are not only bullying you at work, they are making it difficult for you to even function.

You've had an anxiety attack already.

You have to escape somewhere else, close the door, and cry every day.

You need to release this.

Andy's lawyer training is kicking in.

He drops you off the next day, and he talks with your boss.

You have everything documented.

Andy threatens to sue for creating a hostile work environment if your boss doesn't get rid of these two.

Later that day, those two are gone.

You're still upset.

It's hard for you to get up in the morning, even on the best of days.

Andy notices, and encourages you to get help.

You see your docs, and he starts you on an antidepressant.

You start seeing a therapist.

You are slowly getting better.

Andy treats you to a date night, and it's the best.

You and Andy start to spend more time together.

A few weeks later, you give your two weeks notice.

You decide to put your mental health first.

Steve Rogers:

Steve sees that you haven't been yourself lately.

The days are taking a toll on you.

You are crying one morning, and Steve hears you.

"Doll, what's wrong?"

You explain that you feel like everything is falling apart.

You feel like you can't do anything right lately.

Tony's new receptionist is not only lazy, she's bullying you.

You have an anxiety attack.

Steve encourages you to get help.

You start seeing the therapist.

Tony fires his receptionist and hires a new one.

You and the new one get along.

Steve and you go for a walk, go for a run, or go to the gym every day.

You also take your antidepressants and your antianxiety meds.

Steve is proud of you.

He sees that the old you is slowly coming back.

He sees that you're putting in the work.

Steve sees that you are more like yourself.

Steve takes you on a nice, weekend getaway.

You come back, and you've been glowing even more.

#chris evans #ransom drysdale #andy barber #steve rogers #colin shea #depression and anxiety #therapy #mental health #treatment #antidepressants

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nights-legacy · 1 year

Text

Take Care of It Myself - Kaminari x Reader Pt.2

Masterlist MHA Masterlist #2

Part one

1779 words

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, yelling

+ You have left UA and gave your seat in the class to someone else. No one but the teachers know you're leaving until Denki finds a letter from you. When he comes down to the Class in a frantic, Denki finds out from Kiri why you. That you heard him and broke you trust for him. But maybe there is still hope?

Y/N's POV

The rain was pouring outside. The smell was soothing but why does it always seem to rain when things go to shit. I was sitting on my window seal with the window open. I sighed, setting my head on my knees while twirling my hand through the rain drops.

"Pretty." I muttered. I had been home for a few days and my mood was still shifty. Aizawa and All Might were beyond confused when I told them I wanted to drop out.

*Flashback*

"What?!" They both asked loudly. Aizawa flew out of his chair.

"Why? I mean..." Aizawa walked around his desk. "I can't really stop you if that is what you want but what happened to cause this?" He asked.

"Well..." I took a big breath. "We all know that I have anxiety and social problems. I thought I could get past it and learn how to balance it. But I can't."

"Miss L/N..." All Might spoke up.

"Please, it's alright. I knew becoming a hero was a long shot. I honestly didn't think I would make it this far. I am so thankful for the opportunity you have given me. But I would rather someone who I know will be great in this class in my place."

"Alright." Aizawa sat against his desk. "Have you spoken with anyone about this? Your mother? Kaminari?"

"Kaminari and I are not speaking as of right now. I did speak with my mother and she wants what is best for me. To me, leaving is what's best." The men shared a look.

"If that is what you want, we will honor your decision. We'll start the paperwork, and you should go start packing."

"Yes, thank you." I went to leave. "And please do give my spot to Shinsou. He's been working so hard to get here. He really deserves this."

*End*

I had my room packed up before the end of the day. I didn't leave until the next day after everyone else went to class. I wrote a short letter to Denki and stuck it in a box of his things. I can only imagine what his reaction was when he found the box. Arizawa said he wasn't going to announce it until the drop out was official.

"Honey. Lunch is ready." I heard my mother call.

"Okay." I got up and closed the window. I checked my buzzing phone and saw Denki. The only person I've responded to from class is Kiri. He told me the class went nuts when they found out I left.

* A few days ago *

It wasn't announced by Aizawa but the whole class knew something was up. You never missed class. No one had any idea until Kaminari came down from his room in tears.

"Y/N is gone! They dropped out!"

"What?" A collective uproar took over the class.

"What are you going on about Dunce face?" Bakugou snapped.

"They dropped out of UA. They said that they wouldn't be able to continue with their social anxiety not getting better. That they didn't deserve to be here. I don't understand. I always told them..." He ran his hands through his hair roughly.

"Aw man..." Kiri muttered under his breath.

"They could have come to me..." Kami started but was cut off.

"No they couldn't Denks!" Kiri yelled suddenly. Everyone went silent in surprise.

"What do you mean, Ei?"

"Because they don't trust you anymore! Okay?" Kaminari's eyes widened. "Remember how they acted on movie night? How they didn't want your help? You want to know why?"

"Kirishima? What are you getting at?" Midoriya asked.

"What I'm getting at is that Y/N heard you and Mineta last week. What you said about them. That's why they acted that way, why they don't trust you anymore." Kaminari paled at Kiri's words.

"What did you say, Denki?" Mina asked firmly.

"He said that Y/N's need for comfort during a drain or attack was annoying. That it gets old when they ask for help. He wondered why they couldn't go to someone else or take care of it themself." Bakugou answered gruffly and in turn, sounds of surprise and disappointment went through the room.

Loud words of anger could be heard and Denki began to flinch at every voice and word. He began to shrink into himself. Bakugou noticed the reaction and remembered that Denki wasn't without his own anxieties.

"Hey! Quiet down! No need for an ambush." Bakugou snapped at everyone else. They all began to back off and go quiet. Denki shot Bakugou a quick thankful look which got a small nod in return.

"They went to you, Denki, because they trusted you. You have always been there for them. They couldn't go to anyone else because none of us know exactly how to help them." Kiri took a big breath. "I've learned a lot on how to help but there is only so much I can do, Denks."

"I, I, I..." The room was silent for a long minute.

"I mean it is kind of annoying. Am I right?" Mineta piped up.

"Shut up, Mineta!" Kami screamed. "I should have never listened or agreed with you! I just lost my best friend in this entire world because of my own stupidity and your self centered perverted backwards attitude is not needed."

"Denki... why did you even say that? You should have gone to them if you were feeling overwhelmed with it all. I know they would understand. Like Ei said, We would help in any way we could." Mina walked up to Kami. At this point, every one but the Bakusquad had left the area, realizing that this was getting into something more private.

"I know! I d-don't know. I had gotten into it with my mom and got the grades talk from teach again. My grandma was being overbearing again. I just wanted people to stop needing something from me for the moment. So I was venting the frustration out. It's not an excuse and I am not trying to make it one. I, I, I just..." He collapsed on the couch, head dropping into his hands. "I royally screwed it up in true Kaminari fashion. I can't believe I hurt them like this."

"Kami..." Mina sat next to him. She pulled him into her side.

"I love them more than anything and I did this." He was crying heavily. Mina shared a look with the rest of the squad. Ei was still upset but he was worried.

"Maybe it's not too late to make this right." She said. Denki looked up at her with glossy eyes.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Y/N is really understanding. I'm sure they'll hear you out." Hanta gave him a small smile. It dropped into a stern stare and he pointed at the blonde. "That doesn't mean you're out of the deep end. You still have to make up for this."

"Of course! Of course!" Kami nodded wildly. Hanta gave a stern nod before turning to Mineta.

"Now you! I think we need to have another chat."

Y/N'S POV

Since I left UA in the middle of the semester, I was too late to go anywhere else. Mom and I agreed that I would go back when the new semester started. I was currently searching through surrounding high schools for specifications.

"Hey honey?" My door opened behind me.

"Yeah mom?"

"There is a boy here to see you." I turned to look at her, eyebrow raised in confusion. "He says his name is Kirishima and he has bright red hair."

"Oh, yeah. He's a friend from UA. You can let him in."

"Okay." She smiled and walked away. I got up and followed her to the living room. "Come on in young man."

"Thank you, Miss L/N." I saw him step inside. He immediately found me in the room. "Hey, Y/N/N."

"Hey. Come on." I waved him to follow me. He kicked off his shoes and took the slippers I offered him.

"How are you doing?" He asked as I cracked the door after entering my room. "Oh, is your mom okay with..."

"Yeah. She's cool. Denks and I hang out with the door closed all the time." I paused before sighing sadly. "We used to at least."

"Yeah." He looked around before stopping next to my laptop. "Looking for a new school?"

"Yeah, I won't start until the next semester but it's better to be prepared." I plopped onto my bed and he sat in my desk chair. It was silent for a minute.

"Oh! I'm doing okay to answer your question."

"Oh, good." He nodded. There was an awkward pause. "He feels terrible, you know."

"What?" I looked at him.

"Denki. He feels terrible. I am by no means excusing what he said at all but he does feel terrible. I laid it into after he came down with your note and the rest of the class was upset at him too... Minus Mineta but he got what was coming to him." I laughed a little.

"I probably should hear him out..." I said softly. I looked down and wrung my hands. "I mean I didn't even explain to him why I was upset. You had to do that. He is, was, I mean is my best friend and he deserves to at least be heard and..."

"Hey, hey, hey. Slow down. First of all, I was happy to rip him a new one. He may be one of my best buds but he was still in the wrong. And.." He moved in front of me. "Just remember that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

"I know. I want to. It's only right. Plus, just because I'm hearing him out doesn't mean I forgive him. I'm still extremely upset with him."

"Precisely." He sat down next to me. "And if you want, I can stay with you while you talk."

"Thanks, Ei but I think we need a one on one talk first." I sighed. "I love the boy more than anything and I miss him so much right now."

"I'm sure you two can work something out." He hugged me. I nodded with a quiet thank you, hugging him back.

3rd POV

While sitting there hanging out with Y/N, something hit Kiri in the face. The two both said they love each other. They both admitted they loved each other more than anything. Kiri had to hide the smile that wanted to split across his face. Y/N gave him a look when an excited laugh escape but he just waved them off.

Tag List: @lilparcheesie @dxnaii-rxse @iris-shihabi @l0vely-lee

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totesnothere04 · 9 months

Text

Day to Day Norm: Deleted Scene

300 Follower Special, this is completely in Norm's perspective. I hope you guys enjoy! 😁

Norm Spellman x F!Quaritch!Reader

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the fanart, screenshots, or gifs.

Warnings: Major angst (to me atleast). It's nowhere near as long as an actual chapter since it's a deleted scene, but I've added a little more detail than what was in it when it was in the actual story. Also, I'm terrible at writing angst so I'm sorry if it's not as sad as you'd like for it to be.

I also wanted to take a second and acknowledge my prolonged leave of absence. I had a severe anxiety attack that had me in physical pain for nearly a week after it. I haven't had the motivation to write because I'm afraid of spiking my anxiety again, but I'm trying my best to get back into writing longer stories again.

Avatar Masterlist

Norm's POV

I was standing right outside of the mobile unit with Jake in my human body since my avatar had been shot in the shoulder. It was a good thing that I stayed here instead of running off because Simmens was able to find his way here. I had been able to keep him back until Jake came crashing down through the trees and killed him. But now... Now we had won and all that's left for us to do is get the rest of the human population to leave Pandora. I'd beable to continue my research and settle down with (Y/n), and maybe even have a couple of kids. I heaved a sigh of relief that it was all over and I sat down on the stairs.

Jake took a few steps away as he started talking to someone, probably Neytiri or (Y/n) since Tsu'tey is gone. Jake's face remained stoic for a moment, then shock, a quick flash of sadness as his eyes cut over to me, and finally his hand fell from his neck. He stood still for a moment before he took a deep breath and his head hung for a moment. He finally lifted his head as he turned to me and I looked at him confused.

"What's wrong, Jake?" I ask him as I try to read his expression. "Oh God... Is Neytiri okay?"

"Neytiri is alright. Colonel Quaritch is dead, he died protecting Neytiri." Jake said and finally looked me in the eye. "Norm... (Y/n)'s gone." Jake finally said quietly, and it felt like all the air had been knocked from my lungs. I'm sure that if I had been standing my legs would've given out from under me. Everything dulled out and a high-pitched ringing took over my hearing.

"You're..." I take a deep breath. "You're sure that she's gone?" I ask him quietly.

"I'm so sorry Norm. Neytiri is bringing her body to the Tree of Souls." Jake says. His ears are drooped and his eyes are filled with tears. "As her mate it's your job to... Prepare her for burial. I'll help since she claimed me as a brother."

After Jake ensured that my avatar had been treated for the gunshot wound in my shoulder, I linked with my avatar. The moment my consciousness was in my avatar I could feel it. The pain my avatar was feeling from losing (Y/n). I took a deep breath and got up from the mat I was lying on and walked in a sort of haze. Walking to the area Jake said (Y/n)'s body is in. The moment I got to the tent her body is in I hesitated to open the flap. A hand on my back startled me and I turned my head to find Jake.

"I'm with you the entire way." Jake says and gives me a small sad smile, and I take a deep breath as I open the flap. The shape her body was in was... grotesque. Bullet wounds riddle her torso and her blood is smeared from where large hands had picked her up. I drop to my knees beside her and reach out to her with shaky hands. A sob tears itself from my throat as my hands make contact with her cold skin. The tears are free flowing and the sobs are loud and painful. Tearing at my vocal cords like a thanator as my throat constricts, and my eyes burn with how many tears are escaping my eyes. So many different types of pain coursing through my body right now that I can't think clearly. The pain in my throat from the sobs, the pain in my eyes from the tears, the pain in my shoulder from where I was shot, but none of them compared to the pain in my tswin. The feeling of the severed connection is the worst pain I've ever felt. Both physically and mentally.

"I don't-" I started to try and speak but I couldn't. My throat was just too constricted for words to form.

"I know. I'm so sorry Norm." Jake says and sets two bowls of water down on either side of (Y/n)'s body and a rag in each bowl. A large bowl of water sat next to her head and for a moment all I'm able to do is stare at her. I picked up her arm and held her hand with both of mine... My beautiful mate. Jake goes to remove her top and I stop him.

"What are you doing?" I ask still feeling protective of her privacy.

"I'm removing her top so we can clean her." Jake says confused and I shake my head.

"Right... Sorry." I say and decide that I would be the one to remove her blood-soaked clothes. I look at her face and remember the first day I saw her in her avatar. Smirking next to Grace as I chased Jake through the avatar yard trying to get him to go back inside.

"If you need a moment you can take it. I can clean her if you need a breather." Jake says and I take a deep breath. Jake takes a moment to observe me and he sighs. "Norm... It's not healthy to try and bottle up your emotions."

His words broke a dam and everything I had been trying to hide came crashing. My chest tightened and I let everything pour out of me. The anger, the sadness, everything. Tears coated my cheeks, sobs tore through my vocal chords, and I held (Y/n)'s hand, desperately wishing for her to come back. Jake seemed surprised by my outburst but he quickly jumped over (Y/n)'s body and held me. To me, it felt like everything was falling apart around me. The world as I knew it was crumbling and I couldn't stop it. My lungs burned, my ears were ringing, my eyes ached, my throat is searing with pain as I think of all the good times with (Y/n), and how we won't beable to make anymore of those memories. All I had now was good memories and nobody to share them with...

But there's also Miles. He's only a baby and wouldn't remember either his sister or his father, but I could try my best to make him feel loved and appreciated. The way his sister would've tried to make him feel. I can't duplicate her loving personality, but I can try my best to treat him the way that she would have. My best chance to make her happy, and still have a connection to her.

'I have to make her proud.' I think to myself as I look at her face and I bring her hand to my lips and plant one last kiss on her knuckles. I let myself ride out this wave of pain, knowing that soon I would step out of it and dedicate myself to more than just my research.

Miles needs me, and I need him. I might not be his father, but I'll be the best big brother figure he could ask for. For both of our sakes.

Taglist: @nisaoneil810, @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed, @ducks118, @avatarlover67, @kenzi-woycehoski, @isimpforfictionalppl, @belos-simp69, @vivangothic, @dyingofcookies, @levilovely1, @perseny, @criticalroleobssedperson.

If your URL is in red I was unable to tag you.

#avatar #norm spellman #norm spellman x reader #avatar 2009

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loveshearsmith · 8 months

Note

Agh, hi, i love your drabbles! i've read every single one so i know you've already covered it a bit, but i would love to read something about caring for an emotionally distraught Ross, on account of all the being called worthless scum who'll never amount to anything everyday. What do you think? 💜

hi!! thank you for your kind words about my work and for your request - i would love to do this for you! i wasn't entirely sure how you'd like this to be written, so i've gone for ross x gender neutral reader. i hope this is okay! let me know what you think and i hope you enjoy :)

p.s, i do have other inboxes/requests which i will reply to as soon as possible! i'm not ignoring anyone! <3

---

Ross Gaines - "Worthless Scum"

Summary: [Ross x GNreader] Ross gradually becomes worn down by Pauline's relentless bullying, and seeks comfort in the arms of his favourite person.

The look on his face as he entered through the front door to our shared apartment almost ripped my heart in two. His eyes, once bright and full of wisdom, now dull and sad. His mouth, soft lips normally smirking or twitching with intense interest, now down-turned in a melancholy frown. His face, usually so clean and smooth to the touch, now tainted with smears of dried blood, and roughened due to weeks of tiring work and pain.

This had seemed to get progressively worse over the past week or so. When he was first assigned the job of investigating a restart officer at the local job centre, neither of us imagined what horrors he would return home with every night. It started with simple, belittling comments and rude remarks from the woman he called 'Pauline', but with each passing day he'd start showing up with random bruises and telling me heinous stories of being beaten and physically attacked.

Of course I was horrified, I had begged him to report her, or at least refuse to continue working until she was fired. But Ross was stubborn, he always had been. Especially when it came to his job.

It was only a few evenings ago that he had come glumly walking into the apartment, his expression laced with unusual sadness. I was stood cooking for the two of us and expected him to give me a usual 'hello' kiss, but instead he glanced at me with a weak smile and walked straight to the shower, sighing heavily as he went. When he reappeared to eat dinner, I had tried asking him if he was okay, but he just nodded his head and changed the subject. Our evening meal was usually one of the favourite parts of our day, getting to finally spend time together and catch eachother up about our day. But this particular evening, it was quiet. He usually doused in my home-cooked meals, but he barely ate anything this night, pushing it around with his cutlery. As we cleaned up, I tried again to see what was wrong, but he dismissed me and said he just needed an early night, before taking himself to bed.

It was very strange behaviour for Ross. And this carried on up until today. I gasped aloud at the sight of him, immediately rushing towards him and placing my hands on his arms. "My god, Ross! Please... tell me what's going on" I could barely whisper as my eyes examined him, riddled with anxiety and dread as I couldn't wait any longer to find out what had been bothering my significant other.

I watched as he opened his mouth to speak, but stopped as no words came out, only a broken squeak. Hot tears immediately filled his eyes as he shook his head, falling limp as I pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. We stayed still for a while, allowing him to cry into my neck as my hands rubbed soothingly against his back and across his hair. I had never really seen Ross cry before. He had always been very selfless with his feelings and didn't communicate them much with me - apart from the things he deemed important. He was a very headstrong man, extremely patient too, so seeing him so distraught almost made me break down along with him.

When the sobbing had quietened, I held him at an arms length and gently wiped the stray tears away, trying to read his face for answers. "Talk to me, baby." We didn't use pet names very often, but this felt necessary. He sighed and lowered his head, looking at the floor for a moment. "Let's sit down" I said gently, leading him to the sofa and perching next to him. He took a shaky breath as I held one of his hands in mine.

"It's Pauline..."

He went on about how awful the past week had been. He didn't think that she could get any worse than she already had been, but he was wrong. The beatings, the insults...

"It must be true," he wailed, fresh tears falling as he continued to talk, "I'm obviously not good enough. I'll never amount to anything." I couldn't believe the words I was hearing. I was baffled, to put it simply. I shuffled closer to him, wrapping my arm around his back.

"Ross... You are the smartest man I've ever met. You don't seriously believe any of that?"

I felt his shoulders raise and fall again with a dismissive shrug. "Being an internal investigator isn't much, is it?" His voice was angry, but he spoke so gently, almost as if he was questioning the very words out of his own mouth and was asking if I agreed or not.

"That's not true. I know you don't even believe that." I squeezed his shoulders as I spoke. "It's a really interesting job, you're so good at it. And you love it, which is all that matters anyway."

He shook his head with a whisper. "Not anymore." My heart broke hearing him admit that. Ross has always been a workaholic, he has stated to me many times that before our relationship, all he knew was working, work, and even more work. And now he's falling out of love with his job? Pauline should be grateful that I don't know what she looks like, otherwise she'd be getting a hard slap.

"Oh, Ross" I sighed, pulling him into me for another hug, tears still pouring from his eyes, wetting my shirt. "No matter what you do from here, whatever you decide is best for you, I will always be so proud of you. I love you so much." I felt his head raise as he tilted to look up at me, eyes glistening. I stroked against his hair and pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose where they had slipped, "You have always done me so proud. And you should be proud of yourself too. For everything. Don't you dare listen to whatever Pauline has said, you're a very successful man with the biggest heart, and I'm so lucky to love you."

I reached to grab a tissue from the coffee table and dabbed it under his eyes.

"I'm so lucky to be loved by you" he choked out in a whisper.

I smiled before laying down onto the sofa and extending my arms up towards him, welcoming him in for a cuddle. He curled into me, his head on my chest, letting me pepper small kisses all over his forehead. Some time had passed, and I was sure he had fallen asleep. My own eyes were getting heavy, and it was only until he mumbled my name that I realised he was still awake.

"Hmm?" I hummed, tilting my head down to look at him.

"Thank you." He murmured, reaching for my hand to press a small kiss to my knuckle.

When I didn't say anything, he turned his head to make eye contact with me. "What?"

I stayed quiet for a moment, allowing myself to think. "Please don't feel like you have to hide anything from me ever again. I'll always want to help you." I spoke sweetly but firmly, making sure he knew I was being serious.

With a small nod of his head, I smiled at him and leaned down towards him for a kiss. He puckered his lips and closed his eyes in anticipation, but opened them again when nothing happened. His brows furrowed in confusion as he stared at me inches away from his face, "What's wrong?"

"You've still got blood all over your nose" I chuckled, grabbing him by the hand and leading him towards the bathroom to clean him up.

#the league of gentlemen #reece shearsmith #x reader #ross gaines #ross gaines imagine #league of gentlemen #ross gaines x reader #fluff #reece shearsmith imagine #the league of gentlemen imagines

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callsign-bunnie · 1 year

Note

Hey, uuuhhhhh, can I get a uh GazAlex Date Night Combo? With a side of everything seems to go wrong, hold the angst, add more fluff?

This is the funniest thing I've ever done, I love these asks. I listened to a playlist I have for Gazalex in AAP for this and a song that really fit was Like Real People Do by Hozier

Gaz had severe anxiety. This was relevant, he promises. Granted, he'd hid just how bad his anxiety was so he could get into the military, and he continued to hide it but... Well, it still existed.

He'd get severe panic attacks, wake up from nightmares about nothing... Look, if it was a stereotypical symptom, he had it. Even still, he'd never ever been on a level of stress that Alex was actively on.

It'd started with his favorite button-down. Gaz had had it since he was first in the military and he supposed he should have noticed that it was getting kind of tight. Obviously, Gaz had never focused much on bulking and being muscular, just worrying about being able to defend himself, but he'd still bulked a little and he didn't notice that the buttons were wearing down.

So, he'd put it on and twisted to adjust it and the whole damn shirt just fell apart. Honestly, despite it being his favorite, he hadn't even found it that big of a deal! It was just a shirt. Alex? Alex had almost lost his mind.

"Love, I own other shirts." Gaz shook his head, half amused, half worried for his boyfriend, who was going through the closet to find a shirt.

"This one was your favorite though! You wore it more than any of the others and... It's torn to shreds." Alex groaned, shaking his head.

Gaz chuckled, shaking his head in response. "Alex. It's a shirt. Yeah, it was my favorite and I'll probably be upset, later, but I'm more concerned for my boyfriend right now. Come on, I have a green shirt I like, I can just wear that. It'll take over as favorite now that this one is gone, I'm sure." He went into the closet, coming back out with the shirt and shrugging it on.

Alex paused before sighing and nodding. "Right. You're right." He nodded, again. "It's just a shirt."

"Thank you." Gaz smiled. "It's just a shirt."

Alex sighed and nodded. After that, they'd finished getting dressed. They planned to apparently walk to the place Alex had gotten a reservation to, but...

Gaz put his hand out as they stepped outside. This wasn't good. Rain. "Love, did you get an umbrella?"

"What?? Why??" Alex came over. They had an covered entrance for their apartment building, so getting wet wasn't really an issue right now. He groaned when he saw the rain. "Stupid fucking London weather."

"You chose to move here." Gaz reminded, amused again.

Alex shook his head, getting out his phone. "You are the only thing making it worth it, sometimes." He muttered.

Gaz watched him pull up the uber app and he smiled. "See? Not so bad."

Alex gave him a look and Gaz chuckled, again. Poor Alex. He didn't understand why he was getting so stressed out, though! It was just a date and things went wrong all of the time, it would be fine! "Alright, I have one, it should only be a few minutes."

Gaz nodded. "Good. Of course, that does mean we'll be early. Will we be able to get in?"

"Fuck." Alex groaned. "I'll just reschedule it." He shook his head. "What do you want to do in the meantime?"

Gaz hesitated and then shrugged. "We can just wait in the lobby." He smiled, leaning into Alex a little. "Or we can wait right here. The rain is pretty nice to watch."

Alex looked around and then Gaz saw him visibly relax, nodding. "You're right. It is nice to watch." Gaz felt his hand touch his own a moment later and so Gaz gladly accepted it, intertwining their fingers.

However, it appeared God had other plans for where they were waiting, because a moment later, the rain had really started to pick up, and so before Alex could stress again, Gaz tugged him inside, sitting with him in the lobby.

Until, literally the moment they sat down, their uber arrived and Gaz was laughing softly. "Piss poor timing." He commented, getting back up and going out with Alex.

Alex snorted. "I'm just glad it's on time." He muttered, letting Gaz get into the car, first.

The driver was polite enough, which Gaz was appreciative for. He really didn't think Alex was going to be able to handle an asshole well.

He knew it was just because Alex cared a lot about Gaz having a nice time, since Gaz had expressed in the past that he'd never really been on nice dates, so he found it more endearing. It was sweet!

The uber ride happened without incident, which Gaz was completely grateful for, and Alex had seemed to relax as well, which was good. Everything was going to be fine...

"What the fuck do you mean my name is not under a reservation??" Alex asked the host, who looked fairly nervous. "I made it online."

"Yeah, about that... So, we've been having issues with the website lately and..." The host winced. "So, several reservations have been deleted."

"I paid a holding fee!" Alex looked flabbergasted.

Gaz just kind of nudged Alex out of the way. "Look, I'm sorry, but is there anything you can do for us? When is the next available table?"

"Th-the holding fee should be refunded..." The host quickly said. "But, um... due to phone reservations, we won't have a table all night."

"All night?!-"

"That's alright. We get it." Gaz nodded, ignoring Alex. "Thank you for doing what you could." He thanked the host and then turned to Alex, tugging him out. "Come on, I don't really feel like eating there, anyway." Gaz shrugged, linking arms with Alex.

Alex groaned. "Nothing is going right! This is frustrating!"

"It is." Gaz acknowledged. "But... it's okay. Let's get pizza. I like pizza." He pat Alex's arm. "You like pizza."

"I do..." Alex conceded. "Fuck, what would I do without you?"

"Cuss everyone out." Gaz laughed. Since the rain had let up to a light sprinkle, they walked to a pizza place both liked nearby. "See? The rain let up." He said as they arrived.

And, the pizza place was open. More than that, it was where Soap worked when they were all on leave, like they were now. It kept him from being bored.

"Oh! Guys!" Soap grinned when they came in and up to the counter. "Wait-" He paused and then frowned, looking at Alex. "Did he do the thing already?"

Gaz frowned. "The thing-"

"No!" Alex quickly cut him off, looking embarrassed. "Shut up, Soap. He doesn't know what he's talking about." Alex told Gaz, shaking his head.

Gaz didn't believe that for a second, looking at Soap, who was laughing nervously. "The thing?" Soap asked. "I didn't mention a thing."

Gaz glanced between the two of them before narrowing his eyes. Whatever, he wanted pizza. Soap didn't even have to ask them what they wanted, just ringing it up. "Don't worry about paying." Soap waved his hand. "Um... it's on the house."

Gaz relaxed and nodded. "Thanks, Soap. I appreciate it."

"No problem." Soap then grinned at Alex. "Good luck."

Gaz just shook it off, following Alex to a table. "See? The pizza is going fine."

"You're right." Alex nodded, relaxing. He put his hand on the table, clenching it into a fist. So, Gaz took it and rubbed over the knuckles, soothing him. Alex looked at him and then relaxed, shaking his head. "Really. What would I do without you?"

Gaz smiled, flattered. "I'm sure you'd make do."

"I don't want to, though." Alex admitted. "I love you. So much."

"I love you, too." Gaz relaxed and then brought Alex's hand up, kissing his palm. "Come on. Let's enjoy pizza and then go home and cuddle."

Alex nodded. "Alright. Sure." He seemed to relax a bit.

A moment later, their pizza was brought and Gaz happily started to eat, honestly just glad to be on a date with Alex. He loved him so much and he didn't need a fancy restaurant to be happy. He just needed Alex.

When they were done eating, Gaz raised an eyebrow when he watched Alex start to tense again. "Alex, everything is fine. I promise."

"No, no, I know that, I just-" Alex cringed. "Okay, I know you... saw what was going on with Soap and... I don't want to go home without just doing it."

"I... what?" Gaz looked back at Soap, who was watching them with an anxious expression, and he turned back to Alex, confused.

Alex took a deep breath and then he was reaching into his pocket, getting out a little book. Like a very small book. "It's dumb, but I saw it and I knew you'd like it."

Gaz tilted his head. "All this stress about a little trinket?" He was deeply amused, taking it from Alex. "I love it, but I don't think it was worth all of this."

"Just... open it, baby." Alex shook his head.

Gaz raised an eyebrow at him, before opening the book. The first thing he noticed was that a very large rose almost grew before his eyes. It was made of paper, he knew that, but it was still beautiful. And then, a black onyx band with little diamonds set into it was staring right at him.

He paused, eyes wide, and stared at the ring, almost unable to comprehend what it was. "I..."

He looked up, noticing Alex had moved to get down on one knee. "So, I wanted to do this in the other restaurant but... Well, we eat here all the time. I guess it just makes sense." Alex shook his head. "You make me so happy and... I can't imagine going through the rest of my life with anyone else. Please marry me. I don't want to use emotional blackmail, but.. well you saw what it took to get here, today."

Gaz laughed at the joke, his brain finally catching up to the situation. He took the ring out of the box and put it on, noting that it fit perfectly. "So... That's why you were so stressed out?"

Alex's whole body relaxed and he got back up into the chair, looking embarrassed. "Yes. I wanted it all to be perfect and... Everything was going wrong, but... you've been so sweet and I just... I realized I'm not proposing to a date, I'm proposing to you. It doesn't matter where I do it, as long as you say yes."

"I'm saying yes." Gaz assured him, looking over the ring. "Alex... you don't need to stress so much. Any moment with you is perfect, I promise."

"That's what I figured out." Alex nodded. "I love you."

"I love you too..." Gaz melted.

Then, Alex sighed, raising his voice. "Alright, Soap, you can come over, now."

Soap was over within seconds, grinning. Alex shook his head, looking amused. "He's been practically vibrating the entire time."

Gaz laughed. "Thank you, Soap."

"Congratulations, you two! Lang may yer lum reek!" Soap grinned.

Gaz didn't bother to ask for a translation, just thanking Soap again. "I guess we'll have to have a little announcement party."

"I hope it goes better than the engagement." Alex groaned.

Soap again congratulated them and then Gaz decided to go home, for those cuddles that had been promised before and maybe something more, he'd decide when he got there.

The rain was completely clear, leaving a beautiful night view, which Gaz enjoyed, walking with Alex, their hands intertwined. God, he loved his fiance so much. His fiance... He was so excited to tell Price and Laswell. They'd have to invite Alejandro and Rudy from Mexico, too, wouldn't they? Well, he couldn't wait for that, either.

Alex paused in front of the door and then he was pulling Gaz close, kissing him deeply and pressing him back against the wall. "God, I'm so glad you said yes. I was genuinely worried you wouldn't."

"You shouldn't have been." Gaz murmured, pulling back a bit. "I must admit, I'm quite obsessed with you."

"The feeling is mutual, trust me." Alex grinned at him and then kissed him for another long moment before pulling away and reaching into his pocket.

Gaz tilted his head as Alex frowned and then he watched Alex do a little dance, patting all of his pockets. "You grabbed the key before we left, right?"

"Fuck."

How many times have I written them getting engaged? Who knows.

#Kyle Gaz Garrick #Gaz Cod #Alex Keller #Alex COD #Gaz x Alex #Alex x Gaz #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare II

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idkyetxoxo · 24 days

Text

Twenty | Vagabond | The Last Kingdom

"Lighten up husband you know you're the only one I like touching me"

"Just you wait till we're out of here woman"

─── ✦⋅ ☆⋅✦ ───

As we braced ourselves to depart from Eoferwich through sheer force, a silent plea escaped my lips, directed towards any god willing to listen. The last thing we needed was a spatter of bloodshed so early in our mission, especially if we aimed to conquer Bebbanburg and save Aelfwynn.

As the imposing gates parted, revealing Edward and his assembled army on the other side, I finally released the breath I had been holding. Uhtred allowed Edward his moment of triumph as the satisfaction of marshalling such forces washed over him, but I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the spectacle.

"To Bebbanburg" Finan's cry pierced the air, rallying the soldiers as cheers erupted around us. He shot me a knowing wink, to which I responded with a grin.

As we journeyed northward, our path was suddenly intercepted by Cynlaef, Aethelstan's closest companion. "What of Osferth?" I exclaimed, swiftly dismounting to warmly embrace him.

"Osferth is alive and well," he reassured me, his words washing over me like a soothing balm. With a sigh of relief, I turned back to Finan, nodding in gratitude. His smile mirrored my own, acknowledging the weight that would have burdened me had Osferth's fate been uncertain.

"I've been wandering" Cynlaef began, only to be abruptly cut off by Finan's terse interruption. "Now is not the time," he interjected, effectively silencing him.

Nevertheless, Cynlaef managed to relay the news of King Constantin's movements, his arrival at Bebbanburg by sea alongside his retinue while his main army marched overland. Despite doubts about Constantin's maritime voyage, we dismissed the notion, focusing instead on our pressing objective of rescuing Aelfwynn.

"We cannot besiege Bebbanburg while Aelfwynn remains captive," I asserted, finding agreement in Uhtred's proposed plan. He outlined a daring scheme wherein he and a select few men would infiltrate the fortress via a cliffside path to liberate Aelfwynn.

"When you say men I am going to assume you included me," I remarked, arms crossed, prompting Uhtred to exchange a glance with Finan "Don't look at him" I warned, steeling myself for the peril ahead. "It's going to be dangerous," he cautioned, to which I responded with an exasperated eye-roll.

"I am the one that swore the oath so I will not rest until that girl is safely in my arms, anyone with objections can handle them on their own," I declared resolutely, mounting my horse and riding ahead.

Uhtred's plan hinged on Haestan, whose supposed reformation still left me wary. Haestan would feign shipwrecked traders to lure Wihtgar onto the beach, then signalling Edward to initiate the attack.

── ✦⋅ ☆⋅✦ ──

Scaling the rocks to reach the fortress proved to be an arduous feat, pushing the limits of exhaustion to new heights. Yet, my smaller stature in comparison to the men granted me an unexpected advantage, allowing me to manoeuvre more easily among the jagged terrain.

"Ah," I muttered, my gaze fixed on the seemingly insurmountable rock face before me. "What's the matter?" Sihtric inquired, concern etched across his features as he peered up at me.

"There's no way forward," I replied, frustration bubbling beneath the surface. "The path is gone."

"Is there another way around?" Finan's voice trembled with apprehension. "Can we go back on ourselves?" His anxiety, palpable in the air, mirrored my own, perhaps tinged with an added layer of concern for my safety.

"There's no time the tide will be turning and men will be leaving their posts" Sihtric interjected, his tone laced with urgency. I glanced back at Finan, who rested his head against the rock in resignation. "You always said you wanted to die at Bebbanburg" he grumbled, a hint of gallows humour threading through his words.

"No one is dying" I retorted firmly, quelling any hint of fatalism. "Less talking let's go" I commanded, forging ahead as we ascended, each step a precarious dance with gravity.

Silence enveloped us until Finan's hand slipped causing him to let out a scream, his fingers barely clinging to the unforgiving rock face as his body hung below.

"Finan!" I cried out, panic seizing me as my heart raced with dread. "Give me your hand!" Sihtric's voice rang out, urgency fueling his movements, while I scrambled down toward them. "If you let go of him Sihtric I'm pushing you next" I barked, my own fear translating into a fierce resolve.

With a herculean effort, Sihtric managed to haul Finan back up, the tension easing as relief flooded through me. Sihtric erupted into laughter, momentarily eclipsing the gravity of our situation.

I slapped the back of Sihtric's head a mix of irritation and gratitude swirling within me, before pulling Finan close, my voice trembling with emotion. "You're an idiot," I whispered, my eyes glistening with unshed tears, as he cupped my face tenderly.

"You're not getting rid of me that easily," he quipped, his lips brushing against mine in a fleeting kiss.

"We're almost there," Uhtred's voice broke through the moment, "carefully" I cautioned Finan, casting a wary glance at the treacherous path ahead.

"This is a much better view than Sihtrics arse" Finan's irreverent remark echoed through the air, drawing an exasperated eye-roll from me.

At last, we reached the summit, relief washing over us like a gentle tide. I seized the opportunity to pull Finan into a kiss, savouring the fleeting moment "Maybe we should be doing that more often" he mused, his words tinged with playful warmth as I pulled away, shaking my head with a smile.

Sihtric skillfully hacked away at a weakened section of the wooden wall, creating an opening for us to slip through before discreetly covering our tracks. The moment we stepped into the fortress, distant voices pierced the air, sending us scrambling to hide.

With Uhtred donning a helmet as a disguise, we embarked on our mission to locate Aelfwynn. As we cautiously traversed the grounds, my thoughts raced with the dire consequences if any harm had befallen her.

Spotting King Constantin in the courtyard, a surge of anger welled within me. "If he's so much as even touched her I'm gonna turn him into Sigefrid" I muttered under my breath, my words tinged with venom.

Before I could react, Uhtred ventured toward his cousin, "Uhtred" I said in a harsh whisper but he didn't stop walking, ignoring my warning with ease. "You, stay in the courtyard" a voice commanded, prompting me to swiftly retreat behind Finan.

"Why does Constantin place his men here?" Wihtgar's inquiry hung in the air, met with Finan's attempt at a Scottish accent, I almost laughed out loud after Sihtric's imitation and attempt at the word "aye."

It didn't take long for Wihtgar and Constantin to discern the ruse, their suspicions falling upon Finan, Sihtric, and eventually, me. "Are you also shipwrecked Danes?" Constantin's query sent a chill down my spine, though it offered a glimmer of hope that Hild and Haestan had successfully infiltrated the fortress.

"Torture them for answers, show them the fate of any sea raider," Wihtgar commanded, his words dripping with menace.

"Gently," I interjected a futile attempt to temper the impending brutality as a guard shoved my arms behind my back. "I can cooperate if you ask politely," I offered, earning a silent rebuke from Finan's glare conveying 'Shut up before you get us killed.'

As we were bound to posts, I exchanged a glance with Uhtred, the only one among us still free. Wihtgar's piercing gaze bore into us, and I feared he would recognise our true identities. Mercifully, he was called away, diverting his attention elsewhere.

Turning my focus to our captors, I summoned what charm I could muster. "Excuse me," I addressed one of the men, feigning vulnerability. "What" he spoke gruffly and I forced a smile onto my face and then pouted "I think I injured my shoulder during the shipwreck," I said and he stood there looking at me like I was a foreign alien.

"Would you mind checking to see if there's a wound?" I inquired, attempting to infuse my voice with a hint of vulnerability. The guard's disinterest was palpable, but I pressed on, resorting to a flirtatious approach. "I could offer you a reward," I teased, my words laced with a promise that seemed to catch his attention.

"How's that?" he responded with a smirk, his demeanour suggestive of a man accustomed to such advances. Glancing at Finan and Sihtric, I noted their understanding of my ploy, though Finan did not look amused at all.

"Come closer, and I'll give you a clue," I murmured seductively, drawing him nearer with a subtle sway. As his fingers grazed the skin of my neck, a shiver ran down my spine, but I maintained my composure, knowing our freedom depended on this ruse.

His touch lingered, tracing a delicate path down the curve of my neck, his fingers deftly pulling at the fabric to reveal the vulnerable expanse of my skin. His hand slipped into my shirt feeling around and groping with a curious and unnecessary intent, I nodded at Finan and Sihtric silently conveying our plan, before bringing my head down forcefully onto his, catching him off guard.

Staggering back, he became the unwitting target of Sihtric's swift retaliation. A shard from Finan's boot found its mark, freeing us from our bindings in a flurry of action. Sihtric deftly cut the ropes, liberating Finan and then myself from our constraints.

The other guards were skillfully and quietly taken care of.

"How was that?" I grinned, revelling in our triumph, though Finan's eye roll hinted at his lingering exasperation. Sihtric's thumbs-up offered reassurance, as I leaned into the banter, seeking to ease the tension.

"Lighten up husband you know you're the only one I like touching me" I whispered as he passed me a weapon.

His smirk mirrored my own determination "Just you wait till we're out of here woman" he grinned. With resolve in our hearts, we dashed towards the stairs, fueled by the prospect that fate lay within our grasp.

─── ✦⋅ ☆⋅✦ ───

so close to the end making me sad iwl 🥹 also unread

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