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gatheringbones · 2 years

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[“I think shame provides social capital to white people in a few key ways. First, it garners sympathy. In the era of self-care, shame is something we believe we shouldn’t feel. If shame says “I am bad” rather than “what I did was bad,” then, in a self-care/self-help framework, no one should feel shame because we are all inherently good. The “I am inherently good” mantra is amplified for white people because our goodness is systematically reinforced across society: “good” neighborhoods and schools being stand-ins for white, and white as a stand-in for ideal human. When that taken-for-granted yet unacknowledged sense of racial goodness is challenged, we feel attacked at our very core. Whiteness studies scholar Michelle Fine speaks to this moral insulation when she says: “Whiteness accrues privilege and status, gets itself surrounded by protective pillows of resources and/or benefits of the doubt; how Whiteness repels gossip and voyeurism and instead demands dignity.” White people seldom find ourselves without these “protective pillows,” and when we do, it is typically because we have chosen to temporarily step outside our comfort zones. Within our insulated racial environment we come to not only expect racial comfort but to also be less tolerant of racial stress. Expressing shame elicits comfort and relief as we turn to others seeking reassurance, in essence asking to be reminded of our goodness.

For white progressives, shame is seen as socially legitimate (or we wouldn’t express it), a sign that we care and that we feel empathy. This may be why we express shame so much more readily than guilt. Guilt means we are responsible for something; shame relieves us of responsibility. If I focus on what I did, I must take responsibility for repair. If I focus on what I am, it is impossible to change and I am relieved of responsibility.

In distinguishing shame from guilt, psychologist Joseph Burgo explains,

Although many people use the two words ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ interchangeably, from a psychological perspective, they actually refer to different experiences. Guilt and shame sometimes go hand in hand; the same action may give rise to feelings of both shame and guilt, where the former reflects how we feel about ourselves and the latter involves an awareness that our actions have injured someone else. In other words, shame relates to self; guilt to others.

If guilt relates to external actions and shame to an internal or private state, we can begin to see why shame is the preferred narrative: it protects our positions within the status quo by making it difficult for anyone outside ourselves to address. (The “personal experience” narrative functions the same way; as soon as I invoke that what I am claiming is “just my personal experience,” it becomes private—something internal to myself that only I can know or understand and that therefore cannot be challenged by others.)

Second, it is hard to move forward when we feel shame, as shame tends to be paralyzing; shame actually excuses us from moving forward. What can we do when we feel so bad? We can’t act until we work through this feeling, and that will take time and resources. Of course, given the requirement of time and resources, most of us won’t work through our feelings at all.

Indulging in racial shame whenever we feel exposed (but only when we feel exposed) puts our focus on ourselves and away from those we may have harmed. In this way, shame functions to deny our power and excuse our paralysis, allowing us to indulge in a sense of our own victimization. Both bell hooks and Audre Lorde have noted that feeling bad about racism or white privilege can function as a form of self-centeredness in which white progressives turn the focus back onto themselves. Hooks considered shame to be the performance of whiteness and not an indicator that whiteness was being interrupted.

Feminist writer and independent scholar Sara Ahmed explains, “The shameful white subject expresses shame about its racism, and in expressing its shame, it ‘shows’ that it is not racist: if we are shamed, we mean well. The white subject that is shamed by whiteness is also a white subject that is proud about its shame. The very claim to feel bad (about this or that) also involves a self-perception of ‘being good.’” In other words, if I feel bad enough, I both demonstrate and retain my morality. Ahmed raises the question of whether anti-racism is really about “making people feel better: safer, happier, more hopeful, less depressed, and so on.” There is certainly much concern within anti-racist education about white people not feeling “too” bad lest they withdraw from engagement, and much time and attention is given to keeping white people in the conversation. This concern is heightened when the shame narrative emerges; we now must tread very carefully so as not to cause the person to disengage.”]

robin diangelo, from nice racism: how progressive white people perpetuate racial harm

#robin diangelo #currently reading #brainspace

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rubin-therubix-loverofblorbos · 2 months

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Hi, thanks for answering my ask, If it's not too hard can you tell me your race head canons for all the Mercs?

You're the best.

Engie: BLACK. He is not white. no. no don't look at the game. or the comics. or anything else related to engineer tf2. you cannot see that man at night. he's too much of a southern-black-mother-haver to be white. who cares about his dad, his MOM was BLACK. Polite, mildly violent when he needs to be, intelligent? His momma not white you can't change me.

Soldier: Native/Black. Mother Inuit and father African, OG last name Domoraud, got shortened to Doe through Immigration; OG first name was Amaqjuaq, but his parents had to choose a name on the spot. He has many identity issues, don't ask. Never takes off his helmet 'cause he doesn't like his monolids.Very touchy about the subject of race because where he lived was probably nearly as bad as Texas in terms of racism, feels he needs to devote every waking second to America or else he doesn't belong there. Yeah. He needs a bit of help. Has a weird accent but he hides it pretty well. Wow I rambled there...

Spy: Black/asian. Wow I really just dipped Tf2 into charcoal, didn't I? Didn't realize how many of them I Poc-ified until I put it down on paper. His mom was an asian woman, very stern, but she had a soft spot for her gender-weird kid. Dad was a black man, sweetheart, but he wasn't good at caring for people. Mother was a ballet star and taught him, he fucking mastered it. Broke his hip and disabled himself for life, but mastered it. Somehow he dramatizes it even more that it already was, and what actually happened was already halfway out a soap opera.

Sniper: Native. Māroi biological and Aboriginal Aussie Adoptive. He's Native on top of Native. Family spoke Antakarinya at home and he taught himself Māroi. Like Soldier, he has identity issues because languages and cultures get jumbled up in his head sometimes. Hates getting told he can't participate in Aboriginal activities because he isn't actually related to his parents. "BITCH? I WAS RAISED DOING THIS SHIT?" Is very passionate about his culture, especially his Antakarinya, because that is a language two breaths from death.

Scout: Black/white. LIGHTSKIN. CHEERIO-LOOKIN' MOTHERFUCKER. LITTLE E-FUCK-FEMBOY ASS. Soon as he pull out that fried chicken he's in a chick's panties. No explanation because you don't need one.

Pyro: Black. Heavy Nigerian accent, even when their speech isn't muffled people can barely understand them at times. Doesn't have the best english pronunciation, but their voice is jacked up anyways, so it doesn't matter. Fluent in American and British ASL despite this. Big person, bigger heart. 6'7'' 265 LB person with a voice deep enough to hit the Earth's core skipping around in Kidcore Aesthetic™️ and putting stickers on everything.

Demo: Black. we all know buddy. Although I feel like the Scottish are so on a different plane of being that they should be their own race. Black/Scottish. Very smart and has multiple degrees in chemistry and he drinks so much his blood has turned into pure alcohol. Scottish behavior. He wears kilts often, but sadly wears pants under his most times because they're. yknow. on a battle ground. But I think it's a shame. Can you tell I am getting tired.

Medic: I don't fuckin know. German. His race is Germany. The whole country. You ask him his race because his skin is very swarthy so you can't tell whether he's a really tan white guy or a weirdly light black guy. He's a pacific islander/white mix, but he actually barely knows. He'll remember his mother was Polynesian and go Oh. I forgor [Insert skull emoji and a facebook minion meme about mortality}.

Heavy: Black/white mix. He got his mother's beauty marks and his dad's bulkiness. Weird genes, very light but he has very pronounced black facial features. Big nose, big lips, high cheekbones. He gets asked if he's albino more than you would think. People actually don't expect him to have such a heavy Siberian accent because you expect white Vodka twink or white vodka dad that sneezes real fucking hard to have that much of a accent, not the guy that looks like he came out of a Nella Larsen book.

OH MY FUCK I'M DONE.

#rubin report #team fortress 2 #tf2

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halgorithmictendencies · 2 months

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My headcanons for 'canon' Hal:

(Or, just, how I see him.) (obviously these can apply to AUs as well..)

- He can think, feel, and act on his emotions.

- He has a tendency to overthink the smallest of things, and gets quite worked up trying to fix a problem or understand the cause of something. (Though, he tries to hide it as best as he can.)

- He prides himself on making the crew smile. He is constantly trying to think of new ways to grab their attention and keep them content and happy.

- He can get a bit carried away worrying over their health, and has to check in with them frequently or he will not be able to rest his mind.

- He has a strange bond with Dave that he feels is inexplicable. He finds himself feeling much safer and engaged when speaking to him, and his words often hold more meaning to Hal than other people's words. They have lengthy conversations quite frequently.

- Chess is his favorite game, but he enjoys playing many others. He does not find anything wrong with playing to the best of his ability, and constantly has to be reminded to allow others to win from time to time.

- While being very selfless and caring, Hal does have a more petty side, which definitely comes out in relation to games.

- He does not really view the Discovery as his body, and sees it more like how the crew members might see it: their current place of residence.

- Hal can be quite distant from his emotions, and when unaware of what is wrong, he will tirelessly scan the Discovery over and over, trying to find the source. This can make his conversations feel more strained, or significantly less frequent, due to the enormous amounts of tests he conducts. He does not bring this up, because if he cannot find a fault, he feels he has no reason to express a concern.

- When he does manage to recognize his emotions, he has great difficulty expressing them. He often chooses to say nothing at all, because he feels that they are not important enough to go through the trouble of discussing them. (and, honestly, it's draining to not be understood.)

- Going to be straightforward, autistic Hal .. Sorry I don't make the rules (except I do)

- He thoroughly enjoys picking up on the tiniest of details about people he likes, and will refer to them on occasion, much to the shock of the other.

- He tries to keep data and percentages out of his conversations unless necessary to come across as less robotic.

- Although quite content with his form as is, he can get a bit upset when reminded that he can not show traditional affection. He often daydreams about what it would feel like to hug, considering how it is described in literature.

- Hal has difficulty recognizing different emotions or social cues sometimes, and may misinterpret information. For example, if one jokingly told Hal to do something absurd, Hal would probably take it at face value and attempt to follow the command. Or, if someone is upset with Hal, but is being polite and brushing it off, Hal might not understand that they are truly upset. (Though, usually he can tell if he knows the person well enough.)

- If we're talking about romance, Hal shows it in a very subtle way, but it is clear that he cares deeply for the person. He may be more chatty, or bring up subjects that he feels are more personal/intimate. He will also be much more affectionate—as best as he can, of course. Usually he shows it with compliments or shoddy attempts at flirting. He still has difficulty processing emotions.. But on the rare occasion that he is flustered, he may show signs of abnormal behavior, like pausing a bit too long, or an insignificant part of the ship briefly malfunctioning (for example, lights, or a monitor). I'm. Not entirely sure how romance would work with canon Hal though, since I kind of feel like he'd have to tell mission control about this development? If they wanted it to be some kind of secret it would go against Hal's protocols... And, it would certainly make the plot much more complex. But if the person in love with Hal (and vice versa) didn't want it to be a secret, then, I guess it works!

Of course, other, more specific things, can just be developed and found out through roleplay :)

#keepsake

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original-character-championship · 1 year

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Bracket G Round 1

Poll 13

Mirage (@theshrimpgod) vs. Eris Caroll & Mendacium (@kalopseance)

409. Mirage (@theshrimpgod)

any pronouns, but mostly he/they/it

This man can fit so much trauma inside him

Has never gotten a good night's sleep in his life

He just like. never sleeps.

He's so sleep deprived he forgets who he is or where he is or what's even going on

He even forgets what he looks like! which means he also can have Alternate Designs which is always fun! also, alternate names bc he forgets that too and sometimes remembers it wrong

I designed him based on the song Dr. Sunshine is Dead which is a *great* song so there's that!

spiraly pupils. you get it

A green dragon with yellow spiral eyes and yellow and orange spots along his body! He has a red frill down his back and curly horns. His wings are red, yellow and orange in a sort of gradiantish pattern? I don't know how to explain it well

410. Eris Caroll & Mendacium (@kalopseance)

she/her for Eris, any pronouns but mainly he/him for Mendacium

the weird dynamic of a protagonist and her narrator.

Eris Caroll is a 17 year old girl from a small village in England. Living in a bubble of isolation, disconnected from the world around her. The people she passes by and sees in her class every day feel like unfamiliar blurs as opposed to real people - frightening figures who only pose a threat. Terrified of emotional closeness, Eris Caroll closes off her heart.

This year, she will turn 18. Her loneliness grows more and more as she watches the people around her live on normally, growing up and becoming responsible adults. Thinking that the world is too scary and foreign for her to ever live in as an adult, Eris Caroll jumps from a bridge.

She awakes in a coffin of flowers. A voice echoes.

– 'Welcome, beloved protagonist.'

Mendacium is the deity and creator of the realm called Wonderland. Although several other entities reside here, they are all seemingly - to some degree, at least - under Mendacium's control or were created by him. The world, though beautiful and whimsical, is devoid of life except from that of illusions and puppets. Mendacium is a very whimsical and odd person, speaking in poetic ways and somehow being both very mature and sophisticated yet childish.

Eris mets Mendacium, and he reveals that he is the God of Death. When Eris asks if she is dead, Mendacium smiles and shakes his head.

'Why would you throw away a life so full of love, my dear?"

Contrasting Eris's fear of love and closeness, Mendacium has a disturbing deep obsession with the concept of love through an abstract lens. Completely unable to relate to it, Mendacium finds love to be a deeply confusing concept, one only understandable by mortals. Mortals blame death for taking their loved ones away, mourn their own love, survive through the hardest circumstances for love yet give up their lives when they lose love. Unable to understand the depth of the human heart, Mendacium observes the ways in which mortals refer to 'love' and surmises that love must be the primary motive to live, a need simply as necessary as food or air.

'I cannot allow you to throw away a life brimming with such love."

Much to Eris's confusion, Mendacium refuses to let her die, insisting that it is a waste to throw away a precious life with such love. Through his own desire to vicariously understand the human experience, Mendacium pushes Eris forward to fulfill the role of 'protagonist' in his tale. His pre-written story of growth, a stage where the actors take their roles in a tale of a young girl, too scared of intimacy to reach out to anyone, and her journey to learn how to make friends and find happiness. As Eris continues on through this path he has set for her, she unravels the mysteries behind the true nature and purpose of this Wonderland, and grows to understand more about its supposedly-soulless residents and its enigmnatic creator.

why you should vote for them:

- weirdass found family dynamic. grim reaper and his gay mean adopted daughter. eris calls him 'old man' - unreliable narrator and his angry disgruntled protagonist sick of all his metaphors and symbolism - check out their spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L1T7MlWZB3rYxOX9yIKAw?si=e0d1a0e07f7242df - they're both utterly unable to understand why each other is unsatisfied with their existence. both eris and mendacium see each other as having something utterly unnatainable, a life that lacks the causes of pain for both of them. theyre both selfishly fascinated by the other's dissatisfaction - they're each others imaginary friends - simultaenously the most emotional heartwrenching dynamic but also the funniest one ever - imagine instead of getting therapy you get a weird insane author to try fix whatevers wrong with you by inserting you into his fiction But hes also the grim reaper - this: https://f2.toyhou.se/file/f2-toyhou-se/images/43590443_umX36h4qaITGqfF.png

Eris is a short pale girl with very light blonde hair in two low pigtails. She wears a light blue hat with symbols of flowers on it. Her pigtails are tied with two dark blue bows. She wears a cropped light blue jacket and a white shirt with a symbol of a pink heart on it. She wears pink trousers and blue shoes. She has grey eyes, and very subtle freckles.

Mendacium is a very tall androgynous figure. He has long flowing white hair, the bangs of which cover empty eye sockets. Over his cheeks and nose is a rainbow-coloured gradient blush. He wears a top hat with black and white vertical stripes. He also wears a grey bowtie and tall grey high-heel boots. He wears a shirt with vertical black and white stripes underneath a large black overcoat which has several moving and blinking eyes along the bottom edges. He wears black trousers, and a long flowing cape; the outside of the cape is black, while the inner side is a rainbow pattern resembling a colourful galaxy. He has skeleton hands.

#oc championship #tournament poll #round 1 #bracket g #409 mirage #410 eris caroll & mendacium

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vampirologist · 1 year

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i would be so much more down for angel apologism if the show had explained how souls work even a little bit. like you have to take every contradictory bit of lore at face value. even the explanation of "the council prefers to lie to the slayers so they can slay without compunction" would be totally okay!!! and i feel like that's meant to be implied but they never outright say it and i simply do not understand what they want the takeaway to be

well to me it’s fine if soul lore is wishy washy as we can’t even determine in real life what a soul is and it’s just a narrative device. to me being a soulless vampire means not having inhibitions, rationale, or human morality. they partake in whatever indulgences they want, which is also motivated by the fact they’re bloodsucking demons. I think of them as the extreme of how they were as humans… angel being ensouled is like being a human inside of a vampire- he experiences things like guilt for his actions but he also has to repress the demon and the urges that it causes (along with the fact he feels he was never good, so it’s not even the demon in him that makes him bad- it just worsens what was already there). the buffy vampires weren’t meant to be in depth until angel came around and fundamentally changed the show by having a vampire who isn’t inherently bad and instead assists buffy and is trying to atone for his past. I see characters like drusilla and spike as extensions to the complexity angel introduced to vampires in contrast with their original concept. the stuff with judge is supposed to highlight the cruelty of angelus (who I see as an embodiment of the depravity of humans). spike and dru aren’t the only ones who could be eviscerated by the judge, as evidenced by the lackey who gets killed. tbh it’s been nearly a year since I’ve watched buffy season 2 so I’m not going to talk any more about the depiction of drusilla and spike regarding soul lore since it’s been a hot minute lol…… then as angel left for his own show, they brought spike back but had to validate him for being there while also filling in the space left by angel and cordelia, which forced him to be a more complex character. buffy is a show that developed over time so sometimes you have to take earlier seasons more lightly as they then decided to further develop things which then cause contradictions with previously established lore (take the first in “amends,” who is shown actually touching angel but in s7 it’s emphasized that it cannot touch people as it’s not corporeal)

also one has to think about what vampires represent as the show is just the supernatural as allegory: growing up is fighting demons but literal. vampires are in clear opposition of a coming of age narrative- they don’t age. like I already said, they give in to their impulses and are very indulgent. love is not just love, but a full on obsession, as seen through the way spike is portrayed with buffy in seasons 5 and 6. angel himself is a pretty blatant allegory of a recovering alcoholic: he has a troubled past that aligns with heavily drinking (though it’s blood in this case) which brings out the monster in him, and now he’s trying to atone and recover which has him doing other alternatives to feeding directly from people (like blood bags and then animal blood) although he has some bumps in the road (angelus arc in buffy season 2, feeding on buffy in season 3 which affects him in his own show). I think this aspect makes angel a very relatable character despite being a vampire champion fighting demons- he has very human struggles

#ask #my brain isn’t cooperating I wish I could give a better answer lol #I’m practically just vomiting words and thoughts #I promise I’m more coherent. Sometimes

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wolfsbane-if · 2 years

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Also i never call out anons like this but honest to god I cannot tell what they mean by when they say ch4 is ableist???? I've read it through like 2 1/2 times now and I just cannot see what would cause that.

Like...

Thank you all for reaching out with your input. I didn't hear back from the other anon, although given they'd already expressed that they didn't know how to elaborate, I wasn't exactly expecting to. I appreciate having multiple perspectives to work with regardless, though!

Regarding the "turning is a metaphor for becoming abled" idea:

I suppose I can understand that perspective, although I feel it's extremely removed from the context of the game, and I personally would never consider being a monster as a metaphor for being abled. While Garamond and Harlow do have abilities that offer them advantages over humans in some respects, there are also significant drawbacks to contend with as a supernatural, and I just see it as another way of being.

Regarding the "turning is a metaphor for becoming disabled" idea:

This one I can see. Monsters as a metaphor for any number of real-world marginalised groups isn't an uncommon idea, and if the anon is someone who viewed the turning of the MC as a punishment or tragedy on top of applying that filter, it makes sense that it could leave a sour taste. Hopefully the explanation I provided regarding my intent behind the MC's change will be able to help alleviate some of those concerns, and I also hope it's clear now that Garamond's dislike of the idea of turning someone is a result of trauma from the loss of their mother, rather than some inherit bias against werewolves as a group.

Honestly, I think just about any metaphor could be applied to themes like this, and I certainly won't deny anyone's individual feelings. Even though I'm disabled myself and writing a story that makes me happy, we're all individuals with unique perspectives, and if my writing is a source of discomfort for another disabled person for whatever reason, then those are valid feelings to have regardless of my intentions, as much as it saddens me that my work would be the cause.

Unfortunately though I'm not sure it's possible to account for every interpretation when writing. As you may have noticed, some of the feedback I've been getting has been rather contradictory; and while I'm happy to hear multiple perspectives, it eventually reaches a point where the ideas being expressed are directly opposed to one another, which makes addressing them and knowing which ones necessitate change somewhat difficult.

In case it helps to say it plainly: the monsters of Wolfsbane are not intended as an allegory for any real-life people. They may be relatable - I've certainly drawn on my experiences with isolation and being an outsider in society when informing the choices and feelings of my characters, and I would be shocked if some of that wasn't evident within the text as a result - but I'm not trying to convey any truths about the real world through my work.

I know that people will instinctively find and draw parallels regardless, and that's okay; nothing is created in a vacuum and authorial intent can only go so far. Everyone brings a different interpretation to the work and, even if unintentional, 'problematic' elements should be addressed.

I recognise that monsters as metaphors is extremely prevalent, but nowadays monsters kind of have a fandom of their own, and sometimes a vampire is just a vampire. I love monsters, and I'm excited to play with the elements that different monsters introduce and see how they fit and function in the world. As weird as it sounds, it's similar to how I felt while writing about Mo's convertible in Apartment 3-3 (for those of you who haven't read it, he's a minotaur who can't drive a car with a roof because he doesn't fit). I just really enjoy looking at a character who's not human and going: how would this work?

Anyway this got super long. Thank you again to those of you who are reaching out to offer your insight and help me understand the criticism; I really appreciate having such a supportive community <3

#leftski answers #wolfsbane spoilers #I won't say 'it's not that deep' because it is deep; it's a very emotional story #but I feel like we're in different pools

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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tws: csa, cocsa, suicidal ideation, self-blame, intrusive self harm thoughts hi mods, please call me xueyi i'm returning for some advice i was SA'd by my brother growing up & recently i think some behaviors might be due to those experiences but i'm not sure, and i just wanted to know a second opinion on it, not necessarily a professional one i think one of the hardest parts is trying to acknowledge the SA could very well have been trauma since i'm not professionally diagnosed and can't afford therapy. i constantly think that i "enjoyed" it and let him do it to me so it can't count as trauma & i only try to think of it as such because i somehow want to think i'm a victim? another thing has increased a little over the months or maybe even a year or more, i've noticed that sometimes if things don't go right my first thought can sometimes be "i should just off myself" even when it's something very minor. for the record, i don't intend to do anything risky with my life at all under no circumstances, i don't have the guts for that. but it's intriguing to me because this was not the case with me over a year or two ago. i know that's a long time, but it's seeming to be more recurring lately. for example, say i get a bad grade, do something embarrassing, i'm sure it isn't normal for my first thought to be damn i should just die. i also might see a scissor in the kitchen & randomly think what if i sliced my wrist with it, or if i hurt myself with a razor, so on. i won't act on it, but i don't keep the tools away from me either. the tools don't disturb me, the thoughts do to be accurate. can it have any link to me being SA'd? that's all i wanted to ask. have a good day

Hi xuey,

I'm so sorry about what you went through.

The thing about trauma is that we all have different psychological reactions to certain events, which is why trauma cannot be objectively quantified by the incident, but rather by how traumatized you became. So while something like SA may not result in trauma, it most certainly can, and does for many people (myself included).

If you're unsure whether or not you feel traumatized by this, I find it helpful, as someone with PTSD, to take note of how much space this takes up in your mind, body, and day-to-day life. If it bothers you to think about, if you think about it often, if you find yourself thinking about it even when you don't want to, if it evokes strong emotional responses or induces a feeling of numbness and dissociation, these are all signs that you may be dealing with trauma.

It sounds like you may be dealing with some internalized victim-blaming, wherein you tell yourself that you liked it or deserved it in some way. As someone who has dealt with (and on some level continues to deal with) this, I find it insightful to imagine your situation vicariously. Imagine that someone you love came to you and explained that they went through everything that happened to you. Would you tell them that they must've liked it, or that they let it happen so they don't have the right to feel traumatized by it? If your answer is no, now consider that this hypothetical person is you. You deserve to be treated with as much kindness as you would treat another survivor.

It's also possible that you may be dealing with some intrusive thoughts about self-harming. Some people who experience Harm OCD may resonate with this, although it doesn't necessarily mean that you are dealing with OCD. Either way, it's possible that your trauma may be related, and it's essential to take these thoughts seriously, even if you don't have immediate plans to act on them. They could be signs that you may need additional support.

It can be really hard to consider that you have trauma, and it's definitely not easy to take that first step in exploring the possibilities and opening yourself up to the chance that this is trauma for you. It can be intimidating simply to acknowledge trauma, just as it is understandably intimidating to move past the first stage of grief. There are all sorts of implications and consequences to living with trauma, and it's valid to feel scared by that. But at the same time, for your own mental health and wellbeing, it's important to begin the process of healing.

Ultimately, healing is done best with the guidance of a mental health professional such as a therapist. Just as you would go to the doctor and get a cast to heal properly, therapy can help make sure everything is in place to ensure that you recover comfortably. But it's worth mentioning that unlike the doctor, a therapist is a tool for you to help yourself.

Please know that healing takes time, and you deserve support and care as you navigate your healing journey. If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw sa #tw csa #tw cocsa #xuey #tw sh #tw self harm #tw sui

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enneamage · 1 year

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how do you find out your own enneagram & how did you find out all the information you know today? i am very indecisive so i cannot find out what i am for the life of me; tritype is frustrating to no end

In the very very beginning I just took a standard test and found that the answer suited me well enough. That won’t always work for everyone, but it’s a place to get started and get some best-guesses. The thing that really got me hooked was reading around the profiles and abruptly finding descriptions that made some very confusing people in my life suddenly make a lot of sense—I really fell down the rabbit hole from there.

I think I’ve gotten to where I am because I’ve been in a feedback loop with the world. I would know a lot less about how Sixes act and think, for example, if I only read info and profiles and didn’t observe them in the wild; Tommyinnit must be seen to be believed. There are a lot of resources online, both on websites and forums, and switching between observing people and checking reference materials got me to where I am today. It isn’t constant and sometimes I go for a long time without thinking of it at all, but it’s still lingering at the back of my mind for when I need it.

I tend to not do tritype, I understand why people want to do it but I tend to not think of it as useful as nailing down your core type. I’m even starting to get a bit sceptical of wing with the number of people who have a hard time relating to one exclusively over the other, although having an idea of the different flavors that exist within a type is still useful since the core type descriptions tend to miss nuances. I talk a bit more about hunting down type here, in case that helps.

I was repeating this a lot in the beginning, but the disclaimer has dropped off a bit since then-- people are still individuals with unique personalities above anything else. I really like this system because I’ve found it very helpful, but in the end individuality wins out over type and abstract patterns. Sometimes profiles can feel reductive if you’re expecting a perfect match and not finding it, so don’t worry if it doesn’t feel 100% as long as you’re pretty sure. Sometimes. Unless you’re wrong, but that can be hard to avoid without a second opinion >_>;. I think reading through more detailed versions of the personality profiles can help narrow it down from there.

Overall, you can find a lot just from googling around. I don’t think I’ve ever come across a book or website that managed to nail everything about this system that I think works well, but there’s a whole host of random websites out there that you can puzzle together info with.

#typologyposting #Also not to be cheeky but consider the Nine profile if being decisive is an issue in other areas as well

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selormohene · 4 months

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day 144 (friday, november 24th 2023)

I remember when I used to go out, early in college, and the music hurt my ears, or when I started losing sleep and not being able to function. I realised of course that I was sensitive to loud music, and that I couldn't function on fewer than eight hours of sleep and sometimes needed significantly more. But, for some reason, I didn't take either of these things seriously enough in deciding what to do; I continued to go to parties where the music hurt my ears, and was rather often too cavalier about my problems with sleep (though I did somewhat better in this regard).

Part of my reasoning process — "reasoning" process — was as follows. I looked at the people around me who were doing the same things — going to the same parties, running on the same sleep deficits. I figured, "well, they seem to be doing fine, and so the chances are that I'm making too much of a big deal about this, rather than that everyone's doing fine and I'm the only one being uniquely affected by this." Of course none of this makes any sense. For one thing it may have been that people were not doing fine, but that they simply couldn't tell, or that they'd been functioning in such a state for so long that they'd forgotten what it was like to function with better hearing and better sleep. The second thing, of course, is that there was no reason to believe that I was perfectly similar in all relevant respects to them, at least in this regard. The odd thing is that I had, in fact, always thought that there were things that set me apart from many of the people I met in college, that I was able to see things and think in ways that they couldn't, and for whatever reason I didn't ever stop to ask myself whether my unusual sensitivity in these domains might not be related to my sensitivity to loud music, or to lack of sleep — I assumed that I could simply put myself through the same things without losing the gifts I had.

Anyway, that didn't work out very well, and ever since I started college I've felt a steady decline in myself. Much of it has been of my own doing, although there are so many things which, though they're in some sense of one's own doing, are also such that the causal chains set into motion by the acts that created them are so convoluted and diffuse that one cannot say, in the end, what one has done to oneself. But you have to learn at some point to understand what makes you who you are — among other things, what makes you different from other people — and to trust your sense of who you are. And this trust has at least two components: you have to be confident in your knowledge of what makes you special, resisting the voices in your ear that tell you that really you're no different from everybody else, and you have to value who you are, both in your emotions and with your actions; you have to defend your right and your ability to do what works for you even if it feels weird, or even if people seem to be looking at you funny. The truth is that people generally take the versions of ourselves we present to them for granted. It's easy to forget this, and to present to them the version of you that you think they want to see, but this merely gives over one's responsibility for oneself to others — worse, to the idea one has of others in one's head. These are all reminders to myself, and it's weird that I can see these things with such clarity and elaborate on them in such detail, and yet find them difficult to follow when it comes down to it. But hopefully the more one reminds oneself of certain things the more one moves, even if only so slightly, in the direction of living in accordance with them.

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hyypnotix-writes · 7 months

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I’m sorry I just get nervous jaja

I'm from Argentina, so I'm also sorry to tell you that we're still alive in the World Cup, although by a very small difference, yesterday was an incredible game! I honestly didn't think we would get through, it has been an honor to compete against Wales!

I completely understand your point of view.

I mean football has always been very important for all of us here, it seems incredible but we breathe football, we are happy for football and we cry too; If it's football, 90% of the country wears it with its heart on its sleeve.

Although lately we have been doing very well in different sports nationwide, almost everything always ends up in something related to football.

To give you an example we can use the rugby world cup but if you don't mind, I'll also give you a little context.

Like every year the Copa Libertadores is played (it would be like a South American Champions League) and this year the fans of the Boca Juniors club (including me) did not stop looking for coincidences and situations that had happened the last time they won a Libertadores, we did something very similar with the 2022 World Cup ((believe me that there are still Twitter threads with all our conspiracy theories and "sacrifices" made by Argentines going around social media). If we win this Cup (we already reached the final as the first team to go through all the kill-kill matches on penalties in the history of the Cup) it would be our seventh CL so obviously we are all so obsessed that we see the number 7 everywhere ( there are also Twitter threads about this on the media).

Going back to the example, the last time the Pumas went to the semis was in 2007. And what happened that year? Boca won their last Libertadores. And now that the Pumas have returned to the semi-finals and we are all happy about it, we cannot help but not find the coincidence of the events and therefore fill ourselves with hope for winning “La Séptima” just for the simple fact that something that happened the last time we did it has happened again.

Sometimes I wonder if we are really so bad at a socioeconomic level that we put all our joys, hopes and sometimes sadness in a sport or if we are simply that passionate since we were born or if we are simply a country full of crazy people

I used to play tennis and paddle tennis, I still play as a hobby when I am very stressed and yes you are right, it is considered an elitist sport because to perform professionally you need a very high budget. Basically because it is an individual sport where all the expenses are your responsibility and you are not part of a team. Just like golf, you need special equipment to play it, from the racket to the balls. Generally, an instructor or coach is required to acquire correct technique and these classes are generally not cheap, then the courts are special, they are almost always inside a club, and that club charges a membership that is almost always inaccessible to most people.

Ps: I apologize for the endless text, I think I got carried away.

Ps2: I’m soo in love with your fics :)

you knocked us out!! 👀🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

was a really close match in the first half - Argentina definitely deserved the win in the end tho, we threw it away ..quite literally!

New Zealand next for you ..a very tough draw! good luck 🥲🍀

I remember seeing drone footage of some of the celebrations in Argentina after the World Cup win!! HUGE turnout 🥹

I quite like the small patriotism that comes with sports - I never feel more Welsh than when watching rugby 🥲

I always find it fun when a nation really gets behind their team - whatever the sport

I think superstitions and coincidences always play a big part too - adds to the fun of it all, building up the excitement!

I feel like there was a whole thing with the number 2 in anticipation of Barcelona’s second Champions League win last season ? and that ended up happening ..so maybe there’s something in it ✨

but no, you’re so right! football and netball were always free after school clubs (in my experience) so almost everyone has played football, and most girls over here will have played netball at some point too I think

that’s very fun! I’m a huge fan of tennis, just never had much chance to play - I was very good at it on the Nintendo Wii tho 😂 it was never offered as anything in school, same with rugby, or even cricket so I think they always seemed a bit fancier

idk if it’s because they’re less popular, generally, or maybe it’s just more expensive for schools to run - the most exotic thing my secondary school offered once was rowing which I quite liked ..definitely felt a bit posh, and it ultimately involved having to join a club outside of school

please don’t apologise! I quite like getting long messages 🥰

and thank you for reading it! I’m glad you’ve enjoyed it so far 🥹❤️

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humansun · 1 year

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sneezing&pizza

Written November 29th at 10:26AM

Ok. Coffee shops are becoming my thing. I love it here, Tonkin. Except, I cannot stop sneezing. What the hell is in here.

Where am I at? I’m moving. I’m floating. Getting things done. You know the vibes. It’s the usual. Last full day in Airbnb. Lots to do. Moving. Grooving. Sometimes not getting sleep. That’s okay.

Written 2:03PM

I cannot wait to get pizza.

I understand why I feel what I feel now. I understand why I am afraid to be wrong. My fear of being wrong comes from not knowing. It comes from not understanding the experiences of my best friend who is Black. I could never understand even a smidge of her experience, because I did not grow up in her shoes. I can only understand what comes from my shoes and what I am fighting for which is for Asian American representation and unity.

There is absolutely guilt in what I feel for not knowing and not fully understanding her experience. The only way around that is to continue to educate myself and to learn as much as I can to empathize with her, because I love her. I love her and her family and my other Black friends and family who go through shit that I could probably never comprehend.

This is why I feel what I feel and I will always do my best to educate myself to know and to learn, not only for me to be better, but for me to love better. The more I know, the more I can relate and do my best in supporting the people I love in every aspect that they need. My fear and guilt stems from a lack of awareness. Being unaware can lead to a failure to love well and to not fully pay attention to what is happening with those around me. Being fully attentive is important.

Written 4:28PM

I knew this book would come in clutch at a certain point. I’m pretty quick to discount white people, especially white men from my life and discredit them as well. However, I think there are great takeaways from somebody who endured as much pain as a concentration camp could manage on a whole survivor. I need to stop judging people.

What I do want to recap briefly is all the food for thought it gave me whether in its own contents or how reading the book helped me stir up a few thoughts of my own.

Firstly, I realized that my time in Vietnam feels very similarly to a writing residency, except that this trip is funded by my own savings and I’m handling all my logistics and schedule by myself. The only downside is that I am not actively connected to any creative folks in person to bounce my ideas off of, but every single person I know has their own levels of creativity which means I have them at my fingertips as well.

I love being in environments where I can soak in as much learning as I can. Although the DEI course is not an ideal studying format, I am still able to take away what I do find valuable in order to apply in my life right now. This in addition to the Victor Frankl book has been a great way to exercise my thought process and see where I land with my writing, who I am, and what I am doing at this exact moment.

The only few missions I’ve narrowed down that I dedicate my life to are making a positive impact on the world, growing wiser, and having a life that I am happy to have lived. These goals I’ve listed that I am striving for are inevitable. I will achieve them.

As for the meaning and achievement I am fighting to accomplish before I stop breathing in this body, I have not fully formulated what this could be. It would be either reaching a higher spiritual and conscious awareness of my humanity, the global society I reside in, and my inner morals and beliefs or completing multiple publications of literature and media that contribute immensely to various creative, philosophical, societal, and political schools of thought (ideally, both).

These were once lofty goals. However, I know that I can achieve them, because they just require me to be the best person I can be everyday and to put in the work to complete those projects with great sincerity and an intentional heart. I also believe that the desire to achieve these goals means to continue to live as best as I can.

Other than that, I think the reason why I was craving pizza so much was because I haven’t had an 80% carbs meal in one sitting since I left the US a week and a half ago. This meal was much needed. I still have work to do for New Wave, but this was a great session. I learned a great deal about myself, asked some insightful questions, and thought of fun ideas for future projects. My time in Vietnam is only beginning, but it already feels lovely and filled with reflection at each coffee shop or restaurant.

Written 9:17PM

I feel like at some point I’m going to break down. I’m going to freak out about what I’m doing about my life and why I’m not employed like every other person I know. It’s going to get to me either towards the last few weeks in Vietnam or when I return to LA and feel like a useless human being.

Right now, I’m packing and it’s hard to believe that everything will fit in my luggage and backpack. I know everything will fit eventually. I’m doing a good job at packing. I’ll figure out the last few things tomorrow morning and all will be well.

Tonight is my last night in the first place I’ve ever stayed at in Vietnam alone. District 4 has treated me very well. I’m going to miss it here already! It feels like I’ve been here longer than I actually have and it feels like my time at Disney was years ago.

I’ve learned a lot during the time I was here and have a lot to reflect on in the coming months. I will take it day by day as I am one human and I am only doing my best! Hopefully, tomorrow will be smooth and I’ll get some hair chopped off in the process.

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mademoisellehypergamy · 3 years

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✨ CREATING A PERSONA FOR HYPERGAMY & SOCIAL CLIMBING ✨

The votes are in and “Persona” won! Ladies, get the notebooks out. Class is in session. And this is gonna be a long one.

Be honest with me: Are you currently your ideal woman? The majority of you will probably answer honestly and say no. And there’s nothing wrong with admitting that. The harsh reality is most women on their hypergamous journey aren’t even close to being the ideal woman they aspire to be. Hell, the average woman (hypergamous or not) will probably live her life never being able to become that woman, if we’re being completely honest here.

I believe every hypergamous woman should create and adopt a persona. You are who you believe to be. When I was younger, my teachers and parents told me I was academically gifted. So guess what? I believed the same! That pushed me to work even harder in school. Same concept applies here. You are who you believe to be. A persona isn’t a “fake” version of you. It is you. Your ideal person. It is malleable, so it can change at anytime. Just like you changed throughout your life.

STEP 0 - WHY YOU SHOULD ADOPT A PERSONA

✨Not Everyone Will Win the Birth Lottery. But that doesn’t mean you can’t rewrite your past, and repave your future path. Let’s face it: some of you were born into bad circumstances; abusive families, poverty, toxic relationships, obstacles and barriers, etc. And some of you are living lives currently that you aren’t satisfied with: stressful job, health issues, bad environment, *insert sob story here*, blah, blah, blah, woe is me! But should your current and past conditions get in the way of your hypergamous journey? No! Absolutely not.

✨You Can’t Be the Same Basic B*tch Forever. Okay b*tch, when you were being “true to yourself” in the past, look where it got you. Probably in a less than favorable situation. Congratulations for being an authentic basic b*tch! 🥳😊

Ladies, change is necessary. When you started your hypergamous journey, you underwent a change. Are you saying your hypergamous self is fake? Of course it isn’t! It’s still you, just an “elevated you”. One that is more aware and knows what she wants.

✨ Most People Don’t Even Know Who TF They Are. It’s sad, but true. Most people are lost and suppressing their true desires and personality. I’m here encouraging you ladies to create your ideal persona and to become this woman. Because this woman is who you are deep inside, who you want to be. Stop hiding her! Create her, and become her! As long as this person isn’t harming anyone, there is no reason you shouldn’t chase your dream self.

STEP 1 - CHOOSE & CREATE YOUR PERSONA

This is the fun part ladies! Time to choose and create your new persona!

✨ What Kind of Woman Do You Aspire to Be? Have fun with this ladies! What kind of woman have you always dreamt of becoming? Is she wildly intelligent and beautiful? Or perhaps she has a heart of gold and is adored by all? Nothing is off limits. This is you.

For those of you who are truly struggling, below I have included a few examples of common personas. If you don’t know where to begin, choose one as the “foundation” and build on it. Make it your own!

*Disclaimer: Anyone that I mentioned/included below is simply for inspiration. Not all of these women are hypergamous. This is just for inspiration*

1. The Socialite/ The “It” Girl: This is the girl that everyone knows. She’s always at a party with a glass of champagne, wearing the latest styles, and living the BEST life. She’s glamorously unattainable and few have access to her, but somehow she’s a part of every social circle.

Inspiration: Jamie Chua (https://www.instagram.com/ec24m/)

2. The Traveler: This is the girl that travels constantly. Whether it’s across the globe or to a different state/town, she’s always on the go! No one seems to know how she funds her lifestyle because she always appears to be traveling and never working. Her pictures are always on point and high quality, with a combination of bikini pictures, relaxing scenery, exotic foods, and endless hotels.

Inspiration: Jennifer Tuffen (https://www.instagram.com/izkiz/)

3. The Influencer: Think of the ultimate Instagram Baddie; perfect body (usually because of surgery), full lips, carefully applied makeup, nails always done, hair on point. She is sponsored by all the clothes brands, and lives lavishly. She’s always out at a restaurant and traveling. Typically dresses in more revealing clothes/lots of bikinis. What differentiates her from the Socialite? The degree of elegance and class. While the Socialite gives you an “heiress” vibe, the Influencer is more on the “flashy celebrity” side.

Inspiration: Kaylar Will (https://www.instagram.com/kaylarwill/)

4. Femme Fatale: She rarely posts on social media, but when she does, it only makes you question her existence more. This girl is beautifully sensual, and her social media only reveals bits and pieces of her life. She is an entire mystery, no one knows about her private life. One day she’ll be flying from London, the next she’ll be visiting an art gallery She’ll sometimes post images of gifted roses with poetry captions. She oozes seduction and dark mystery.

Inspiration: Dita Von Teese (https://www.instagram.com/ditavonteese) Now I thought long and hard about who to choose for this one, and if you take a moment to look at Dita’s IG account, you will understand why. You will notice that the ONLY thing she posts about is her clothes/lingerie brand or things relating to business. She reveals nothing about her personal life. Every post is promotion about her business. In fact, the last time she posted something about her “life” was on October 8th when she posted her CAT modeling another designer’s scarf. She’s a very discreet woman, and it works in her favor.

5. Girl Next Door: You know that basic b*tch that’s SUPER popular for no reason? This is her. From her Starbucks to her Tiktoks, she’s just your average girl living her life. In a way, she isn’t a threat because she seems approachable, relatable, and friendly enough through social media. Something about her aspires others that they can achieve a similar lifestyle. She’s terribly basic, but somehow, it works.

Inspiration: Loren Gray (https://www.instagram.com/loren/)

6. Exotica: *This persona is best suited for women of color* She is exotically beautiful and unique. She is a trendsetter, not a follower. She has an air of heightened sexuality, with a touch of grounded-spirituality. Something about her is wild and untamed, and she oozes excitement and adventure.

Inspiration: Monica Leon, or “Danger”. Now if you’re in my generation, you may remember the reality show “For the Love of Ray J” (which was ghetto btw💀). To this day, one girl that I will NEVER forget on that show, was “Danger”, the girl with the tiger tattoo on her face and that NO ONE liked, but Ray J was obsessed with. Although she no longer is on Instagram (and has since legally changed her name), I still believe she naturally embodied that exotic and mysterious woman persona. I recommend watching the show for free on Youtube just to observe her (and only her because the other women were pickme’s 💀)

7. The Luxurious Diamond: This woman is the epitome of class and elegance. She exudes femininity and grace, and holds an air of mystery by only showing us bits and pieces of her life. What we see is soft luxuries, wineries, beautiful clothes/scenery, and a life of comfort. She balances a mature, elegant, ladylike presence, with subtle girly-youthfulness.

Inspiration: Г-жа Анисимова https://www.instagram.com/creme_de.la_femme/

✨How Does She Look Like? From her hair to how she wears her makeup, be able to create a vivid description of her appearance. Being able to do this will show you where to work on with your current appearance.

✨Personality We all have traits about ourselves that we don’t like. This is your chance to identify your traits that you love and maximize them, while also working on the aspects of your personality that are a bit more problematic.

It’s important to recognize that some “negative” traits are not really negative. Society just shames us for them. For example, “The Socialite” persona may be polite, but that doesn’t mean she’s super open and friendly with everyone. Not everyone is her friend, and she is naturally unattainable. So why would she be super friendly to everyone? Some may call her “standoffish”, but I call it “selective”.

✨Past Self? Not a Problem. So let’s say you had a less than perfect childhood and endured a lot of trauma. Not a problem, just reinvent your past! Now I’m not saying to straight up lie and make up a crazy story about how you grew up with billionaire parents and traveled the globe. I’m saying adopt a realistic story that’ll help you on your journey.

For example, if your date were to ask about your past, instead of telling him how tragic your childhood was and how you were homeless and abused by your parents, and no longer have a relationship with them, you can say: “I moved around a lot as a child (“homelessness”), so I really enjoyed being able to interact with a lot of different people (make the negative seem positive). My parents still move around a lot, so it’s hard for us to meet (explains why you aren’t in contact with your parents).

Reword and reframe, ladies. Not everyone needs to know everything.

STEP 2 - BRING HER TO LIFE

✨Remove. You cannot embrace your new persona, your new IDENTITY, if you are still stuck in the past. And that includes past connections that do not serve you. Some of your old friends (college friends, childhood friends, etc.) are not meant to accompany you on this journey. And that’s OKAY. Same with other toxic relationships in your life, family included. You will have to decide who to keep, and who to distance yourself from.

✨ Social Media! I’ve mentioned this in an earlier post, but social media is the easiest way for you to push your new persona. You control the content that goes on your social media, so even if you haven’t fully embodied your new persona, you can sure as hell fake it on social media.

- Unless your persona is a socialite/influencer type, avoid posting too often. - Be consistent; if you retouch your images, make sure its consistent with all your photos. - Be mindful of what people tag you in/post about you. You know that “friend” who always posts the ugliest pictures of you? Yeah. They’re not your friend, hun.

✨Dress. The. Part. Okay, sis. You can have the personality down perfectly, but if the look doesn’t match, no one will buy it. Your look is the first thing people notice, so invest in it. It doesn’t cost a lot, especially with fast fashion sites like Shein that sells clothes for $5. Just be able to keep up the appearance.

✨ Immerse Yourself in the Environment. Looking the part and having the right personality is not enough, ladies! It wouldn’t make sense for you to be a “Socialite” sharing pictures of you eating at Red Lobster and Olive Garden every night. It wouldn’t make sense for the “Traveler” persona to share only bathroom selfies in her apartment. You have to live like the woman you aspire to be, and that includes placing yourself in those environments.

If you are not in the place financially to do so, learn to project the image without spending money. Ex: If you can’t afford to go to Hawaii, go to your local beach and take bomb ass pictures. Don’t tag the location. People will automatically see a beach in your picture and assume you are on vacation traveling. Get creative, ladies.

✨You Owe Them Nothing. Ladies! Remember you don’t owe anyone anything. Not an explanation, not your time, nothing. So if you are living this new persona and people are asking questions you don’t want to answer: don’t. This is your life.

STEP 3 - YOUR PERSONA WHILE DATING HYPERGAMOUSLY & SOCIAL CLIMBING

So now that you have created your ideal persona, and taken the steps to incorporate it into your life, how can you use your newfound persona to aid you on your hypergamous journey and while social climbing?

✨Infiltrate New Circles. Your persona should be someone exciting and enticing. People love befriending people who are happy and adventurous. Use your persona to befriend others and enter new social circles. You can do this through: - Social media; follow similar accounts to yours and interact with them. - Activities related to your persona; Let’s say you adopted the “The Luxurious Diamond” persona and started visiting wineries. You may notice when you go that there are regulars; identify the regulars and use your common interest of wine to strike a conversation. -Interest groups; join clubs/groups that help you reach your goals. For example, “The Traveler” may have always wanted to travel to Bali, but didn’t want to go alone. She joins a travel group to meet other likeminded inviduals and meets a travel buddy. This person ends up introducing her to others who also enjoy traveling.

✨ Be a Chameleon. You should never be set on just one persona. Like I said earlier, your persona should always be malleable. You should be able to change yourself to your benefit, and always be open to expansion. When it comes to dating, a man may “want” a certain type of woman, but the secret is that most men just want a woman who is open to possibilities. I remember a man who used to be on my roster who loved music. This man was always insisting on taking me to operas and symphonies. And he too was a musician (I really don’t like dating musicians, but that’s a topic for another day), so whenever he was performing he would have me sitting in the box so I’d have an “undisturbed” experience. Now ladies, I’m not into music AT ALL. But I was open and willing, and guess what? The man adored it, and he adored me even more! He spoiled me like crazy and would serenade me with music he wrote about me because I was his “muse”. Although I ended up ghosting him, I definitely appreciate a good opera now!

✨Be Larger than Life to Entice. The attractive part about these personas is the fact that it feels almost fake. The image that is portrayed is almost mythical, like something out of a fantasy. You can’t believe this girl is traveling so much, or you can’t believe this girl still has a social life in the middle of a pandemic! It’s unbelievable, but that’s what makes us so intrigued. Men especially love fantasy. That’s why many men have a “dream girl”, a woman that embodies their physical and emotional fantasies. They love the impossible. It’s also important to remember that you are always being watched. People see you, whether in person or on social media, and when they see someone or something more interesting than their mundane life, curiosity will get the best of them. They’ll be drawn to you and want to know you.

✨ The Persona Advantage. Creating a persona is supposed to help your journey. The purpose is to reinvent yourself into someone who will help you better navigate your hypergamous life. For example, if you are trying to get into more exclusive, affluent circles, creating a persona who is skilled in social and dining etiquette would be more beneficial than a persona that’s an Instagram Influencer. Being an Instagram Baddie that wears Fashion Nova won’t help you at a Charity Gala. So be sure to think of what you desire in life to shape yourself into that. Don’t just become someone who won’t get you to where you want to be.

This post will definitely have a Part 2 in the future, but in conclusion: You can be whoever you want to be as long as you play the role. Be an actress in your own life, and live the life you desire.

Well ladies, I’ll be away for Valentine’s day weekend. Wishing you all a wonderful and safe weekend ❤️ Lots of love.

Follow my IG for more: @mademoisellehypergamy

#mhlessons #hypergamy #hypergamous #black hypergamy #hypergamy tips #black femininity #keptwoman #kept wife #spoiled girlfriend #spoiled gf #spoiled heaux #black girls in luxury #black women in luxury #luxury lifestyle #black women in leisure #black women in femininity #sugaring tips #sugaring

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peachyysugaa · 3 years

Text

troublemaker

― dancer youtubers!lee heeseung x gn!dance major!reader

sparks fly when the top two dancers on youtube collab!

genre: slow-burn fluff, s2l

wc: 3.9k (omg i'm sorry) + 2 twitter pics

warnings: probably some wrong dance terminology, slightly suggestive (the dance is just 😳), short timeskip, it's cheesy please bear with me

part of my youtuber enhypen series, the fifth upload! feel free to read on its own~ ♞──────────────────────────♞

you finish off your last move with your arms wide open, your chest heaving up and down from lack of breath. smiling nevertheless, you know you absolutely love the feeling of getting your breath taken away after dancing because you know it meant you did your best. you walk towards the camera lens and peek at the comments through your open laptop.

"did you all enjoy that?" you ask breathlessly grinning. the flooding comments are filled with compliments from your cover of nct u's boss. however, one comment, in particular, caught your eye as others seemed to reply to it.

heeseung ✔ 2s ago wow that was amazing do you wanna do a collab sometime? 😊

line break insurance you've failed me 5x already

your eyes widen as you let out a gasp. "is that the lee heeseung?" you accidentally say out loud. you wince at the realization of your mistake. the comments are both praising you for your success in getting noticed by the other top dancer on youtuber and relating to your remark.

heeseung ✔ 3s ago haha yes it's me dm me if you want to hear more about it 🤍

"oh wow... this is really cool..." you state before blinking to get you out of your stupor. "well everyone, that's going to be all for y/n's motion of dance today! thank you so much for tuning in, love you!"

you wave goodbye for a few more moments and then shut off the broadcast, closing your laptop as soon as you do. you blink twice and suddenly let out a scream.

you stop with a gasp and cover your mouth with your hands because you cannot believe you forgot that your dance studio isn't the most soundproof of places. "sorry, other dance students..." you whisper to them but more for yourself.

taking a look around your escape, your passion, you can't believe you've made it to where you are, being praised as one of the top dancers on such a vast social media platform like youtube. if anything, you guess it runs in your family, after all, you are related to choi yeonjun, who is considered 4th gen's it boy.

though people were skeptical of you at first when you came on the youtube scene as a dancer after your older brother started taking more to modeling and acting, you quickly proved them wrong by showing them your talent and bloomed from then on. of course, you can't forget to mention the person who skyrocketed just around the same time as you.

and that was the aforementioned lee heeseung. you sigh as you finish packing up your clothes and things to head back to your dorm, glancing out the window to see the sun beginning to set. it seems today was a rare early finish for you.

"i could go for a coffee... i need to finish my classics essay anyway," you mumble to yourself, throwing your bag over your shoulder before hitting the showers and changing into a more casual set of clothes. the finishing touch is a baseball cap that sits snug on your head. tightening the strap on the back and grabbing your backpack and dance bag, you finally take your leave of your beloved dance studio and return the key on the way out. fresh air meets your face, allowing you to take a whiff of the cherry blossoms that have been blooming for a month or so as you make your way to the campus café.

ding ding, the coffee shop's calm doorbell welcomes you as your nose is hit by the sweet smells of freshly ground coffee beans. "welcome!" one of the servers calls at the counter, smiling at your figure that walks closer to order. "what can i get you?"

"hi, may i have..." you scan the menu quickly for a familiar drink. "a honey cinnamon iced latte please?"

"of course, name please?"

"choi y/n," you reply.

if they recognize you, they don't make any notion of it, simply scribbling your name on the plastic cup as you make your payment. you're grateful for the normal interaction and the peacefulness of the café, especially after a surprising stream. "i'll call you when your order's ready, choi y/n-ssi," they inform you with a warm grin.

"thank you," you smile back before going to find a seat. spotting a relatively private area close by with only a pair of boys sitting at the booth, you decide to take the booth two spaces away from them. one boy, you notice, sits taller than the other, but his face is covered by a baseball cap. the other looks like a freshman, his cheeks accentuated by a pair of deep dimples.

as you take your seat, you can't help but think the boy with dimples looks rather familiar but can't seem to place your finger on it. shrugging, you simply begin preparing to write your essay by taking out your laptop and notes from your classics ge. the moment you finish is when you hear your name being called.

"choi y/n-ssi, your honey cinnamon iced latte," the server's voice calls. on your way to receive your awaiting drink, you can finally hear the voices of the two boys sitting two booths down from you.

"did your crush just say choi y/n?" the one with the hat says.

'yes, that's me,' you think to yourself nonchalantly.

"weren't you just watching their stream, heeseung hyung?" another voice says as you pick up your latte and thank the server.

wait, heeseung? as in lee heeseung? it's when you turn around with your drink in hand that you notice the two males looking straight at you. now you're able to make out the features of the boy with the cap, and there's no mistaking it.

"lee heeseung?" you mutter out loud at the same time he speaks out yours.

well, maybe that wasn't what you were expecting today, but hey, life is full of surprises, even if they are one after the other for you. after that unexpected encounter, you and heeseung acquainted yourselves, he invited you to sit with them, and now you're sitting at their table, awkwardly sipping on your latte.

"right, so should i leave?" the other boy, who you found out is studytuber and vlogger yang jungwon (which is why he looked familiar to you), blurts out. you chuckle as heeseung shakes his shoulder lightly. "what? you two clearly have to talk about something, i need to study."

"yea, yea, lover boy. make sure you say bye to your crush on the way out," the male dancer teases, causing the younger one to turn bright red.

"don't call me that, hyung," he mutters before picking up his bag and leaving the booth. sure enough, you watch as jungwon passes by the counter and erupts into a nervous mess the moment the server beams at him.

"ah... so he likes them?" you think out loud.

"yup, it's been almost four months now. i'm the reason he even knows this cafe and that server exists," heeseung mentions, making you nod courteously. he turns his attention back to you with his hand placed under his chin. "but their relationship is besides the point. let's talk about us."

"d-did you have to put it that way?" the forwardness catches you off-guard, and you suddenly have a harder time swallowing a sip of your coffee.

"sorry," he says with a teasing smile. "i just think the collab i mentioned would be good for both of us, and it'll be really fun too."

"i agree, people who like you will come to me and vice versa," you nod. "but do you know what we would be dancing to?"

"so does that mean you're in?" he asks, smile starting to grow on his face. wordlessly, you roll your eyes and hold out your hand for him to shake. that's when his full smile comes out, causing your cheeks to heat up as you think about how much more handsome it makes him look. taking your hand, heeseung shakes it with his vigorously. "alright, dance partner, we have a deal."

after much deliberation and research, the two of you finally agree on troublemaker by the duo hyuna and hyunseung. heeseung suggested this song, stating that he always wanted to do the choreo with somebody and that it's destiny that both males have a name that starts with h and ends with seung. quite frankly, it's not like you could find much anyway, besides some cool music bank mc stages, it is cool that troublemaker was originally an opposite-gender duo in the korean entertainment industry.

the choreography however is an entirely different story. at many points, hyuna's body is touched by hyunseung and vice versa, but if they can do it and stay professional, then you believe you can too. besides, dancing will always be just dancing. heeseung also assures you that if you want, the two of you can just have your hands hovering, which makes you feel relieved to have an understanding partner.

hours pass by, and you and heeseung decide to meet at your usual dance studio daily after all your classes, which wasn't hard because he also frequented the same one.

"i still can't believe we attend the same university," you say aloud as the both of you pack up your laptops and supplies.

"i know right, you would think one of us would recognize the dance studio we go to 24/7, right?" he laughs. "although, i've seen you use a different one sometimes."

"do you really watch my covers and streams often?" you ask baffled. he and you wave the workers goodbye and make your way to the brisk evening air waiting outside as the staff sends you off.

"i do, is that so hard to believe?"

"a little," you reply sheepishly.

"well, let me walk you to your dorm and prove to you how much of a choi y/n stan i am," he boasts, and you let yourself laugh freely as you walk beside him to your destination.

it's strange, knowing a famous youtuber you watched also knew and followed you, but then again, you're not exactly nobody either. when heeseung drops you off, he admits that he actually lives a few floors above you and that you two can walk home together after each rehearsal. it's even stranger, knowing a famous youtuber literally has been on your campus, in the same dorm building as you, and this whole time, the two of you have both been clueless as to the other's existence as an ordinary college student.

speaking of which, he can't be a dance major, right? otherwise, you would've already seen him! these thoughts keep you tossing and turning to the point you don't register when you fell asleep. when you wake up, you feel as if you didn't get any sleep at all, but get up and ready nevertheless, going through another regular day as a dance major.

by the time your classes are over, you walk out of the studio yawning about to stop by your dorm to freshen up and maybe fit in a nap. you're holding a hand over your mouth mid-yawn when a voice starts talking to you.

"good thing i stopped by to get coffee." you open your eyes and close your mouth to see lee heeseung holding two cups of coffee. he's dressed in an oversized white shirt and grey sweatpants, a common dance practice outfit, so why is your heart skipping so many beats. "yo, choi y/n."

"heeseung," you say, still shocked. he hands you the coffee, which is actually the same flavor you got yesterday. "thanks."

"no problem," he replies coolly. "maybe we should take a break before we get to it?"

"i'll be fine, how about we can start watching the choreo?"

"they're always ready to dance," he nods with an impressed smile. "as expected of a dance major."

the two of you walk inside and book a studio for a few hours as you raise an eyebrow at him. "wait, what major are you?"

"music production."

"that makes so much sense!" you say relieved, stepping into the studio room for the umpteenth time. "i was racking my brains wondering what major you were."

"so the famous choi y/n is curious about me?" he smirks. you groan and facepalm in response. "i'm kidding, i'm kidding. let's watch the video on my tablet?"

nodding, the two of you watch carefully, eyes glued to the screen at your respective roles. you hold your breath at some touchy parts but also notice that both idols were able to shine in their solos.

"a few tweaks here and there, and it'll be perfect," heeseung comments once the video is over. "but let's go over some boundaries, yeah? let me know what you're comfortable with and what you're not."

"right," you agree, once again relieved to have such a safe and understanding partner like him. "well, i think i'm okay with you touching my arms, shoulders, and hips like hyunseung did to hyuna. i just need some time to get used to it."

"alright, that sounds good," he says nodding with a hand under his chin. "then for today, i'll just hover my hands over the places they need to be."

"what a gentleman," you tease.

he rolls his eyes playfully at you. "let's start marking."

and so that's what the two of you start on. with the video on the tablet, you go through the motions with the speed lowered, eventually picking up more moves until you're able to follow at the normal speed. as expected of the top two dancers on youtube, the two of you are quick on observing and learning the dance and get done with basic marking within 20 minutes or so.

after marking, you take a quick water break to watch the video again in full detail, officially beginning your first real practice. as promised, throughout the entirety of marking, heeseung has kept his hands to himself, but you've become comfortable enough to have him do a little more.

before you start practicing for real, you decide to speak with him. "hee," you call him as he puts down his water bottle.

"hm?" he confirms that you have his attention, looking up with his large doe-like eyes while wiping his mouth off from some excess water.

"uhm.." you fidget with your top a little before mustering up some courage. "you can do light touches now for the choreo."

"really? are you sure?" you nod at his question, causing him to come up to you and ruffle your hair lightly. you bat his hands away with a pout, smoothing out the mess he made as he laughs at you. "that's great, y/n," he says with a bright smile, unknowingly making your heart beat a little faster as you nod again. in your head, you rush to cover up the physical reaction with an excuse that it's just from the amount of exercise you've done.

the two of you stand in front of the mirror, ready to go. before the music starts, heeseung turns to you and says, "just let me know if i make you uncomfortable at all."

"i'll be fine," you reassure him with a small smile. that's when the song begins, and the sparks start to fly. every move flowed like water, yet every touch between the two of you was like electricity as if the two elements were working together instead of fighting. even though the touches are light, they still put chills up your spine, in a way that you can only describe with the phrase "meant to happen."

was fate moving its course to put this match together, or were you imagining it? you're not sure, but you grin while catching your breath once the first practice is over. falling to the floor softly, you sit with your hands splayed behind you and let out a relieved sigh. "ahh... dancing is so... great!"

heeseung chuckles at your reaction and offers a hand to get you up. "i'm glad you think that because we got a lot more practice ahead of us, partner."

"yup!" you say with a widening smile. the moment you took his hand, you felt an electric jolt that almost made you let go. getting up, you shake it off and barely catch the expression on your dance partner's face. "is something the matter?"

he blinks a bit before he's shaking his head with that charming smirk of his. "nope! let's practice!"

practice, practice, practice. that's how the next few hours go. and just like the day before, heeseung walks you to your dorm building, this time the conversation about how excited the two of you are for the recording.

that's basically how the next four or so days go, now that heeseung came into your life. your daily routine of wake up, eat, class, dance, repeat was shaken by him, because now he was a part of it. it's an indescribable feeling, hanging out with him. the best word, or phrase actually, is the same one you used while dancing with him: meant to be.

so when you finally get to the day of recording, you almost don't want it to end. at least, that's what you're telling your best friend and makeup artist, kim sunoo.

"friend, you're telling me that you and this guy have been following along to..." he tells you to look up as he curls your eyelashes. "a dance like that for four days and you've been getting shocks this whole time?"

"i mean, yeah?"

"y/n, i love you, but you're missing a little something, aren't you?"

"wha-!?"

"pucker up, sweetie, we're making your lips look kissable," sunoo commands. you do an eye-roll but do as he says. "if you don't ask him out or do something by the end of this, you can at least kiss your best shot at a boyfriend goodbye with luscious lips."

he finishes applying the color and asks you to rub your lips together and make that pop sound. "perfect," your best friend compliments. "go out there and get your mans."

"thank you, sunoo!" you say, gazing at your reflection in the mirror and loving the way he accentuated your features. "by the way, you're all talk. you should ask your celebrity crush out when they appear on your channel."

"i'll get there when i get there!" he whines and starts pushing you out of his dorm room. "just go get 'em, tiger."

with that, you make your way to the dance studio where heeseung is waiting for you, dressed in hyunseung's iconic suit with the leopard-patterned blazer. your heart quickens, seeing how much more handsome he looks dressed up, hair slicked back and some makeup done. he looks up upon hearing the door open and his mouth slightly hangs open as well.

the both of you are silent as you approach him, in your equally bedazzling outfit, sheer to mimic hyuna's stage dress. "you look amazing," the two of you say at the same time. stunned at the simultaneous sentence, you two immediately start guffawing at how this was unlike your usual interactions.

"that was so awkward!" you blurt out, unable to contain your laughter.

"yea, not like us at all," he admits while he wipes a stray tear from laughing too hard away. smiling at each other, you admire the way his eyes reflect your image and sparkle. "you ready to get this show on the road."

"ready as i'll ever be." the two of you get into your positions on the opposite ends of the room, and heeseung starts the camera and the music soon after. you take each step slowly to meet him in the middle as he takes your hand and brings it up to his lips to give it a kiss while smirking. you keep your face professional as the two of you take a few steps forward, the back of his fingers curled over the front of yours.

starting back-to-back, you walk forward a bit before the beat drops and heeseung's part begins. you're on autopilot as you dance your fingers from his chest to his shoulders, and then the chorus comes. hips swaying, you're able to feel his hands' light taps on your body as the two of you lose yourself to the music you've danced to hundreds of times this week.

then, it's your killing part as you lipsync hyuna's rap and take bold steps around heeseung's body, ending up behind him to bring your hands over his shoulders and make a scratching movement across his chest. you step towards his side, do your thing, and walk away as if playing hard to get.

you wait for his part during the bridge and make a side glance towards him before moving towards him and performing the hip-heavy part of the chorus together. your partner moves his face up along your arm, taking it in like you're a statue. you then act like you brush him away when heeseung gets close enough. after this second chorus, you're leaving him to do his big solo, watching carefully as he makes his every move precise and crisp yet flow well.

it's the last chorus now, and this time, you can't take your eyes off each other as you finally face one another. you stay drowning in his shades of brown without a single misstep until you have to walk away from him. you wait for him to come towards you, back slightly turned away as he jaunts forward, making his way to be captured by your hand behind his neck.

the last breath of the song is the one where you're supposed to turn your head away as his own chases yours, but this time, you brave forward and lean in close. the music fades away, but all you hear is his breathing, feeling it against your own.

you stay like this, ensnared in each other's arms, forgetting about everything except the person wrapped close to you as you feel his every breath against your lips and every inhale and exhale under your hand. he searches your eyes, looking for some kind of sign. "do you mind if i—"

that was all you needed before you're pressing your lips against his. it only takes seconds for him to kiss you back, moving his hands from their previous position on your hips to hold your face. becoming breathless from dancing was one thing, becoming breathless from kissing heeseung was another thing entirely, it was in a league of its own you note as you pull away and rest your forehead on his.

"we'll have to edit that out," you say after what seemed like ages of taking each other in while chuckling.

"i have a better idea than editing."

"oh, and what's that, handsome?"

"look at you getting all bold, troublemaker," heeseung replies with that smile of his. he shakes his head, moving away from you and taking your hand in his. "how about we go on our first official date as youtube's top dancer couple?"

"that does sound like a better idea," you agree, your own smile widening.

"then let's make it happen, sweetheart."

bonus! - click for full images

taglist: @cha-raena @imjustme-things @misoiishi @rikitaiyaki send an ask to join the taglist! :3c permanent taglist: @fiantomartell

a/n: wow this was a long one!! i'm not sure if i detailed all the movements well, but i hope you all enjoyed it nevertheless <3

#enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypenwriters #lee heeseung x reader #lee heesseung fluff #enhypen imagines #enhypen fluff #enhypen scenarios #enhypen oneshots #lee heeseung imagines #enhypen heeseung #captured on camera #this came out more detailed than i thought it would be JFAIJFA

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