#i would hand over all my money to her. even tho i know shed spend it on donations to kdj.

[nblemons]

uriel the light of my life.....

#omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv #uriel #orv uriel #demon like judge of fire #oli's art #i would hand over all my money to her. even tho i know shed spend it on donations to kdj.

[my-never-ending-nightmare]

First pair of shoes that I’ve ever bought in my life that weren’t black & white (still reppin the 3 stripes tho) - thought the jacket went well with them so I copped that too

Just got pulled out of a line of 30+ people by a babyfaced security guard at the airport for “random additional screening” tho and he subsequently tore apart by carryon looking for what he wasn’t going to find - so I guess he ain’t a fan of the fit.

By this time tomorrow I’ll be in Belfast, Northern Ireland. But getting there ain’t going to be easy. First I gotta fly from here to Toronto and then from Toronto to Dublin before subsequently driving from there to Belfast - and I gotta do it all solo, too. It’s real nerve wracking, and I’ve been awake since 4AM stressing about it. The rest of my family are already over there so I’m linking up with them in Belfast but I’m on my own till then. Never done anything like this, honestly. Not even going solo into the remote British Columbia wilderness in search of the wreckage of old plane crashes compares to this because at least then I was still in my native land… and if I needed rescuing then the people coming to save my ass would have shared my accent lol

I love flying tho, and I’m pretty excited about it - but then I remember why I’m flying and I’m immediately filled with guilt. It’s ironic tho - because not so long ago I decided to try to explore my love for aviation by spending more money than I care to admit on Microsoft Flight Simulator + high quality flight controls; and was toying with the idea of just booking random cheap flights to wherever on my weekends just so that I could experience flying again. Now I’m doing just that - but it’s not random nor is it for my enjoyment. Instead it’s my grandmothers funeral that I’m flying to.

Her death still hadn’t sunk in yet. Like, I know she’s gone - but I haven’t felt the loss yet. If that makes any sense.

I’m numb to it.

And I think it’s going to stay like that until the funeral itself when it’s all going to hit me like a wall - and I’m honestly afraid of how much grief/pain I’ll be feeling in that moment. Idk how well I’ll be able to hold it together. Like, I’ve been fortunate enough to have not had death hit me this close to home since I was 18 when one of my best friends passed away in an incredibly tragic freak accident. I remember being completely numb to it, and I didn’t shed a tear until the day of the funeral itself when his father approached me and shook my hand at which point I instantly started sobbing uncontrollably while he turned the handshake into a hug that seemingly lasted forever. I probably would have collapsed had he not been holding me - I was crying that hard.

Idk.

Not exactly sure why I’m saying all this. It’s just my nerves, I guess - tryin’ to occupy my mind. Like don’t get me wrong - flying is one hell of an experience that I enjoy very much - but still… can’t help but start pondering your own mortality beforehand. The drive to the airport is always the strangest feeling because in the back of your mind you’re always thinking - did I just leave home for the last time ever?

I paid extra to not only have window seats but in an emergency exit row, too - and that wasn’t just for the extra leg room.

But rather because it comes with a responsibility. It ain’t much, and it doesn’t make me feel special or anything - but each time I board and plane and get extra attention from the flight crew making sure that I’m both willing to take that responsibility and understand what is being asked of me it really helps to alleviate anxiety because then I know what I can do to help in a situation where I’d otherwise be completely helpless. Like, I have something to focus on - if shit hits the fan and the pilots manage to get us back down to earth with an evacuation being required then I know what to do in order to help the people around me. I have my role. I have my purpose. And as long as I’m not physically incapacitated then I have my duty.

It’s not much. But it’s better than nothing.

Anyway, here’s the lil’ beauty that will be taking my on the first leg of my journey. If this ends up being my last post ever then ya’ll know I should have booked a different flight lol

#thoughts #my photos #blog #mine #journal

[shintorikhazumi]

I Have Two Sisters?! Chapter 1: Three Sisters and The Bastard Father (An LWAxRWBYxStarira Crossover)

A/N: What’s crazier than me writing a crossover I can’t get out of my head at 2am while still having multiple wips?

Writing a three-way crossover until 3am!!! (Ended at nearly 5am tho)

GAHHHHH.

Btw, this is a non-magic au. So Diana has no magic, and Weiss has no… semblance. Yes. Because the world of RWBY always goes “???!! OHMG, magic?!” Quite ironically. They become impressed at people turning into birds, but never flinch at Ruby who can separate herself on a molecular level. Sure.

I’ll be updating this sporadically, tbh. The updates will be as random as the coming of this idea. I do like it a lot, so I look forward to working on it. Just have to prioritize the wips.

[DO CHECK OUT THE END NOTES FOR SOME OF THE AU DETAILS AND BACKGROUND]

Still, I couldn’t let the concept pass me by so…

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

  I Have Two Sisters?! Chapter 1: Three Sisters and The Bastard Father

  The wind blew strong outside, rain water cold against her bleeding cheek. The numbness was her only relief from pain nowadays. She’d lost count of how many bruises she’d gotten this week. If only her mother hadn’t passed… If only she hadn’t had a bastard of a father.

Then maybe Diana’s life would have been much better than the shell that it now was.

He left her and her mother just as she turned three, the only support she got in the form of random gifts and her financial needs. Her father was nothing of a father. The man that… helped make her was never there. He never showed he cared. Everything he gave her felt obligatory. She hated it. Heck, she didn’t even know his last name, much less remember what he looked like. She did try looking it up at some point, but it seemed as if he was some kind of bigshot she couldn’t name.

Neither her mom nor her aunt had divulged his identity, so she had long since drew a blank to the man’s identity. All she knew was that his name was ‘Jack’ or something of the sort. She had long since adopted her mother’s as it didn’t feel right to take the name of a man she never knew.

All she knew was that he was the cause of all her sorrows. That wretched man had left her and her mother to fend for themselves. Even though her mom was of a strong, well-known medical lineage here in Britain, the fact that she had gotten pregnant out of wedlock labelled her as a shame to the Cavendish name, and she had been cast out to a vacation home in the outskirts of the foreign country, Japan.

After her death, however, the women who Diana now saw as practically witches with how cruel and evil they were decided that because their blood ran through her, took over their small land that she and her mother had cried blood and tears to call their own, and exploited the underage girl, believing she might be of some use as a pawn at the very least, for the sake of the Cavendish name.

And she was. For some time, until she had injured her arm, and was no longer capable of becoming the kind of doctor they wanted her to be, her hand slowly losing its immaculate dexterity, becoming constantly shaky, rendering her as only half the worth she originally was, and thus completely useless besides being their punching bag. Quite literally.

Diana Cavendish found herself spending the better part of her life being abused, and hiding in tool sheds, and escaping her dreaded household at every waking moment, just as she was doing right now.

She hardly believed in any religion, but she found herself always praying to get away from this hellish nightmare. She’d hope that even if she only had a jerk of a father, he’d soon realize that she was his flesh and blood that needed saving.

A hard knock came on the wood of her shed’s door. She flinched, no sound escaping. Had they found her?!

“Miss Cavendish? Miss Diana Cavendish? Are you in here?” An unfamiliar voice called for her, bold and confident sounding, but with kindness and worry interlaced. She felt like it was someone she should respond to. The situation felt like it was some kind of divine calling she should answer.

With legs shaking, she stood up, unlatching the bar that held the door closed and stepping out into the now late night that reeked of hot pavement, rain having stopped while she was lost in thought.

A police officer, clad in uniform and raincoat smiled at her in pity. She was both grateful for- and hated- that gaze. She wished it had come sooner, but at the same time, she disliked being thought of as sad and pathetic.

“Your aunt and her family have been arrested, Miss.” Her ears perked up at the voice and the message they conveyed. Looking up from the ground, she stared into the truthful eyes of the cop. “You’re safe now.”

And she truly hoped she was.

  //-//-//-//-//

  “Weiss.”

At the mention of her name from that familiar voice, she rolled her eyes internally, holding in the urge to snap at the man she called ‘father’.

“What.”

Maybe her control wasn’t as good as she thought.

“Don’t give me that tone. I know you hate me, but I am still the one that raised you!”

“You mean, you’re the one that paid for me.” The ex-heiress pointed out. Her father gritted his teeth, frown deepening as he stepped forward in an attempt to exert his dominance.

Weiss only raised a brow in challenge.

“Anyway.” Jacques continued. Weiss would have smirked as he neither acknowledged nor denied her statement, but she felt it wasn’t the best time. “You are yet to turn twenty, and as you aren’t considered an adult yet-“

“But I’m nineteen, father.” Weiss stated, confused, her raised brow now raised in question. “I’m of legal age, to drink even.”

“Not in Japan you aren’t.” He replied with a smirk so evil, Weiss would have loved to slap it right off if her mind wasn’t thrown in a state of emergency, dreading whatever plans her father had. Even if she wanted to do as she pleased, she couldn’t completely go against him as she was at the moment. Their family name was too widespread and known in the business world, and she feared the consequences of running away from her father who currently had her safety- and practically her life- in the palm of his hand.

“What are you planning.” She narrowed her eyes at him, fearing for the worst, but expertly masking that fear.

“I’ll be sending you away, just as you’ve always wanted. I’ve prepared you an apartment close to a school of my choice to pursue the arts as you so strongly desired,” He spoke in a mocking tone. “And I’ll let you have your way there.” He ended with a smile that sent chills down Weiss’ spine. It sounded too good to be true, her dream being accepted like this. It was like a carrot on a stick being waved in front of her, only to always be out of reach.

“What’s the catch?”

“Catch? My, Weiss, my child, are you questioning your father’s benevolent heart?”

“What’s there to question?” Weiss shot back. “You don’t have one, now do you?”

She grinned at her little victory as she watched him gnashing his teeth, clearly seething in anger. Her smile dropped however as he gave her his own.

“I mentioned Japan’s legal age before.”

And Weiss already knew what he meant.

  //-//-//-//-//

  Life in Seishou had been the dream. Her first two years of high school were the peak of her life, she’d proudly say. She had wonderful friends and comrades who battled side-by-side, pushing one another to greater heights, and… she had someone she adored just a little more than friendship allowed. She had never admitted it, though. Then, a school back in Paris, the place where her mother had blossomed as an actress in the past, offered her a scholarship as an exchange student there.

And like she always did, Claudine excelled. So much so that multiple colleges offered her full rides to attend their institutions. Even highly prestigious universities. Her opportunities were broad, her future looking bright-

-And then news came. Her mother had fallen terminally ill.

She had to go back. She had to see her. She had to be by her side as long as possible.

She had to repay her for the love, for the dream she had given Claudine. She had to be the family her mother had been for her in the absence of a biological father she never knew, and the loss of her adoptive Japanese father at an early age. The lack of a male figure in their family was no cripple to Claudine, but she also missed the presence of the man she knew as her papa. She knew her maman missed him too.

So she had to do this for her mother.

She had to… in the event that… she’d lose her soon as well.

God forbid, Claudine prayed.

She had to return to Japan, study and… get a job, find some way to help her mother pay the increasingly expensive hospital bills, their little family’s saved money steadily disappearing.

She wondered if she should just drop school all together and apply for a troupe. Earn both money and experience.

She had enough rapport both in Japan and France. She could probably get enough opportunities, and she would succeed like she always had…

But…

There was something she wanted to see through, going into university.

When she left for Paris, she had gradually lost contact with all her friends, the culture slowly choking her time, eventually disconnecting them from her.

She’d receive and return the occasional message, but… things were different. She knew she’d drifted apart from everyone.

So, when she found out that they would all be attending the same Arts Institute, and when she had decided to return to Japan for her mother’s sake, she believed it wouldn’t all be that bad if she could apply for a scholarship to the same place, and possibly rebuild everything that was slowly crumbling away.

She wanted to be with everyone again.

And though she believed herself capable of attaining what she wanted on her own, she might require a little assistance from a miracle.

…

And a miracle- could she call this monstrosity of a situation that?- came in the form of a letter that had documents that signified she was the daughter of some ‘Jacques Schnee’ currently undergoing some sort of trial, and because of this, some of the accusations led to the revelation that he was neglecting a daughter, not sending support, and now as some form of bribery and compensation or whatever, he had paid the court to shut up about it if he took responsibility for her now.

Claudine scoffed in disbelief and utter disgust.

So this was her damned biological father? Some apparently bigtime tycoon who slept around and left a woman to fight for herself while carrying his- Claudine would suppose she was now an- illegitimate child.

This… was certainly news she’d never have expected in a million years.

She laughed mirthlessly at it all.

Well, at least her financial crisis had been averted. For better or for worse… she hoped it wasn’t the latter.

One upside was that she now had a clear ticket to that university she wanted to get into, it seemed. Her ‘father’ had taken the liberty of enrolling her there coincidentally. At least he could do something right, Claudine guessed.

“Well… I suppose it’s time to pack.” She sighed falling back onto her current apartment bed, staring at the ceiling.

It wasn’t so bad, maybe. Her newfound reality.

“Japan, I’m coming home to you.”

  //-//-//-//-//

  Diana glared at the letter in her hand angrily. There, in neat script, she saw the name of the man who had caused all her misfortune.

‘Jacques Schnee.’

“I want to hate you for as long as I live…” She gripped the paper so hard, creases were forming and the agent currently assigned to her worried she’d rip it into shreds. “What is this garbage? And why am I… Why can’t I… refuse… this ugly form salvation…” She choked on her sobs, a hand sympathetically rubbing her back.

“Let’s get you ready, Miss.”

Diana nodded in agreement.

-----

All her bags now in her hand after being dropped off by the cab driver, she stared in awe at the slightly modest, but clearly high-end house.

What the hell, did her dad just get her a house?!

Regardless of its size, couldn’t he have… like… gotten her an apartment or condo, at least?

How rich was this asshole father of hers? Was money the only good thing about him? Not that even that was necessarily a good thing.

With a groaning sigh, she unlatched the gate, walking up the little pathway. There were small flowerbeds already present around the yard, and decorations were tastefully placed.

It at least looked the part of cozy.

Once she got to the door, however, angry sounds coming from inside made her question that.

-Wait. This was her house, right?

Why would sounds be…

In a panic, she unlocked the front door with the key that came with the letter, bursting through it like a mad man, blue eyes flickering about the room, shocked to see two pairs of eyes, wide and intense, staring back at her with equal surprise.

“Who…”

“Oh, this is just great!!!” One with hair as white as snow exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air in clear exasperation. “Now we have another one!” She began marching around the room, palms rubbing her face aggressively and scratching through her hair. “That little fuck-“

“-Language.”

“Shut up! I don’t even know who you are, and why you were in my house when I arrived. And you say you aren’t a burglar or whatever, but what is up with your sword play? Even if you were using the curtain pole. Are you some kind of spy or assassin the corporation has sent to finally get rid of me?”

“First of all, this is my house, not yours. And you came at me with a rapier!” A silver-gold blonde replied in equal stress. “You could have killed me!”

“I would never!” The first girl gasped with faux emotion. “At most, you’d lose an ear.”

“Umm…” Diana remained awkwardly fidgeting at the door, her usual bravery and confidence lost in the moment of shock.

“What.”

“I- I am simply here because… apparently my father purchased this place for me.”

Two pairs of eyes blinked once. Twice.

Then realization overtook them.

“Did you just say… father?” The golden-haired one stepped closer to her, a lot less hostile, but still aggressive looking.

“I- Um… yes?”

“Father… you say.” The lady with a rapier in her hand now approached Diana too.

These women were frightening, dear Lord. Diana slowly backed up, but stopped as her foot hit the bags she’d dropped in her frantic moments earlier.

“Can you tell me the name of this… ‘father’ of yours?” Rapier lady asked Diana who was beginning to wonder if she should look for a weapon to defend herself with.

“S-sure. His n-name is…”

“…”

“…”

“Is?”

“Fuck.”

Diana was not one to curse, but it surprised her that she did.

But she couldn’t help it, now could she? After all, her mind had been wiped clean as a white slate. A mental block was not what she needed right now, but just about anything involving that man seemed to bring about her misfortune.

At least the hands by which she’d die her early death were from very beautiful women it seemed.

She liked women, at least?

“Excuse me, um… are you alright?” Miss Golden hair was now very safe-looking and welcoming, Diana subconsciously stepped closer towards her.

“What is up with you? I just asked a question.”

“Perhaps, if you placed the sword down, and looked less like you were trying to murder her and look like you were willing to hear her out…”

Diana expected another heated retaliation, so it was a pleasant surprise to see the other woman sheath her weapon, and place it gently on a plastic-covered couch, clearly brand new.

“There. Happy?” She asked, glaring at the woman now gently holding Diana’s hand- and when had that happened?!

With a nod, the girl turned to Diana and asked again. “What is your father’s name. If you could tell us.”

Huh. She was a lot kinder than Diana had initially taken her for.

“I apologize. I can’t… remember at the moment. I- He hasn’t been around… for me until this point. I just… learned his name a few days ago but…” She hung her head in defeat, apologizing all the while. “Sorry I’m of no assistance to you…”

“No, it’s alright. Isn’t it?” The question was clearly not directed at her as she could only hear a grunt from the other side of the room.

“Yeah, fine.”

“Would your father’s name happen to be Jacques?”

At this, Diana lifted her head, another shocker delivered to her, hearing the familiar name, the cogs in her head clicking into place.

“Yes! Yes, that’s it! Jack, or Jacques or whatever. Snee? Shuni? Schee? I don’t quite remember, but something along those lines.” Diana found herself enthusiastic towards the prospect that some of her questions might be answered.

It seemed the other two shared the same sentiment.

“It’s Schnee.” The white-haired lady corrected, eyes furrowing, anger building up once more. “And… THAT BASTARD OLD MAN!” Grabbing her rapier she swung it around, probably to vent her anger. “He set me up! And what’s more…” She whipped her head about to carefully look the other two people over.

“What is it?” Diana said in a voice quite small.

“Seems he had big secrets to hide.” She sighed. Turning to the initial enemy she had, now turned… stranger? She wasn’t sure they were allies at this point, she stated rather than asked. “I guess it’s the same for you?”

The woman beside Diana nodded, expression looking a lot stiffer than her gentle demeanor as she dealt with Diana earlier.

“I see. I can’t believe this situation.”

“What do you me-“

A voice beside Diana delivered her fourth? Fifth? Sixth?- she’d lost count- Shocker of the day.

“Sisters. It seems we’re… sisters.” Turning to Diana, she held out a hand for a shake. “I’m Claudine.”

“I’m Weiss.” Was the grumble from the couch the woman had flopped on top of.

“…O-oh!” Breaking her stare from the hand, she looked into rose-red eyes. “And I’m-“

And the world suddenly turned black.

‘Hello, My Name is…

[Diana Cavendish]

[Weiss Schnee]

[Saijou Claudine]

-And it seems as though…

I have two sisters?!

  A/N: If you’re asking, yes. Yes, Diana fainted.

Here are some details for this AU btw:

I’ve decided to make Jacques a half-Jap, half german.

So all of them have a quarter of that blood.

Diana is half brit, quarter jap, quarter german

Weiss is ¾ german because of her mom, and ¼ jap.

Claudine is half French, ¼ german, ¼ jap.

Also, if you want to know their ages, and their order, I decided it this way, and let me just quote how I typed it out in the raw idea draft.

“Diana April 30 16yro in anime 2017+3yrs (2020) she's 19 too omg jahahahaha (wrote this coz I’m currently 19 and was amused)

Clau august 1, 2001 19 at present

Weiss Currently 19 (in volumes 5-6) may 15th lmao hahsha. Perfect!!

Wtf Diana was the oldest? Hooo boi. I did expect and want Kuro to be youngest tho, tbh.”

Why their ages are pretty much the same will be mentioned next chap.

And that’s how it went. Decided with Weiss being the legitimate child coz Jacques was the only canonically mentioned dad between the three girls as far as I know. Or I just didn’t search enough.

But come on. I wouldn’t pass at the chance to beat up the dude in a fic so… hihi.

Feedback is super appreciated!

Thank you for reading!

~Shintori Khazumi

#rwby #lwa #Little Witch Academia #revue starlight #shoujo kageki revue starlight #weiss schnee #claudine saijou #saijou claudine #diana cavendish #they're sisters omg #jacque schnee #is a little prick #crossover #fanfic #rwby x lwa x starira #starira #family life #their pairings will come later #jacques schnee #eventual pairings #dianakko #whiterose #mayakuro #diana x akko #ruby x weiss #maya x claudine

[crystalstar8]

Knights of the Night (Epilogue)

Epilogue

Ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5, ch 6, ch 7, ch 8, ch 9, ch 10, ch 11, ch 12, ch 13, ch 14, ch 15, ch 16, ch 17, ch 18, ch 19, ch 20, ch 21, ch 22, ch 23, epilogue 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139240/chapters/71536491

pairing: Jungkook x oc

genre: vampire au, college au, twilight, romance

word count: 1,587

warnings: blood (obviously), kidnapping, child kidnapping, needles, France, human trafficking

notes: vampires, vampire au, college, college au, so many twilight references, blood, needles, kidnapping, children, homelessness, dance, ballet, flashbacks, romance, slow burn, probably no smut, idk yet tho, France, French things, attempted genocide, inaccurate French history, bisexual main character, @strawberriewithchocolate-blog @mozy-j  @daechwitad-2​ @zobadak​ @fallenstar-7​​​

summary: Catalina starts college in a small town all the way across the country. She doesn’t know anyone and isn’t exactly looking for friends. She just wants to focus on dance. But when she meets fellow dance major, Jimin, and adventurous, fellow freshman, Jungkook, Catalina ends up discovering a whole new side to the small college town; one that is dangerous but oh so enticing...

                 Catalina took one last glance around her room before heading downstairs. She heard Jimin’s voice, which put a wide smile on her face. Him and Taehyung were back on time, which meant they’d be able to come with everyone that afternoon.

               She ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time, before landing in the foyer. Taehyung and Jimin were taking their shoes off and setting their bags down, chatting with Hoseok and Namjoon. Catalina threw her arms around Jimin and asked him, “How was your trip?”

               He pulled away and smiled wide, his eyes disappearing. “It was incredible. I’ll tell you all about it later.”

               “I can’t wait,” Catalina said, smiling just as wide.

               “We were gonna go to the beach later,” said Hoseok. “Do you want to go with us?”

               “Sure! I think we’ll mostly just relax, though,” said Taehyung.

               “Here, I’ll help you unpack so you can get yourselves settled before we go,” Hoseok said, following them back out the car. Catalina left the foyer and went into the kitchen. The kitchen was beautiful, so different from when she first came into this house. They had it remodeled, actually, they had a lot of the house remodeled. Everything was a bit more modern, but their antiques were mostly still around. Even Yoongi redid his bedroom, saying he didn’t want to sleep in a rat’s nest anymore. He made an incredible amount of money on the antiques in that room, the museums practically begging him to part with them.

               The light was on in the kitchen when Catalina entered, which meant Jungkook was in there. Sure enough, he was standing in front of the fridge, staring into its contents with bleary eyes. His hair was a floof on top of his head and his pajamas were rumpled. Catalina came up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. She laid her head on his back and listened to the steady rhythm of his heart, something she’s become so very familiar with.

               “What will you have for breakfast?” she asked. He grunted in response, shifting some containers around on the shelf. He finally chose a container of leftovers and cracked the lid to sniff it. He sniffed it three times before deciding it was edible and dumping it on a plate. While it was heating up, he turned and opened his arms, letting Catalina settle into him.

               “Are you gonna surf today?” he asked.

               “You asked me that yesterday,” Catalina said with a giggle.

               “And you said no yesterday!” he said. She could feel his laughter in his chest where her head was resting.

               “Maybe,” she said. “I heard the teaching process is very hands on.”

               He chuckled and said, “Where did you hear that?”

               “Hm, I don’t remember,” she said. The microwave beeped and Jungkook let Catalina go so he could grab his food. She pulled a blood bag out of the fridge and sat down with him at the dining table, sipping at her drink while he ate.

               “What are you guys doing up so early?”

               Yoongi wandered into the kitchen with messy hair and tired eyes.

               “It’s beach day!” Jungkook said, much more awake now that he was eating. “You’re coming, right?”

               “No.”

               “Yoongi, you don’t have to swim or surf or anything,” said Catalina. “You can just sleep on the beach. Or drink wine on the beach. You need the fresh air, you’ve been at your piano for days. Plus, I think everyone would really like to spend some time with you.”

               “When are you going?” he asked.

               “We’re heading out around eleven,” said Catalina.

               “Oh. I’ll think about it,” Yoongi said. “Are Taehyung and Jimin back yet?”

               “Yes, they just walked in a little while ago,” said Catalina.

               “Good,” he said. “I’m glad their flight wasn’t delayed.”

               With that, he left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

               During the drive to the beach, Catalina made sure to sit in the back of the Jeep with Jimin.

               “So, tell me about the trip,” she said, a giddy smile on her face.

               “Ah, it was perfect!” said Jimin. “I’ve never been to Arizona before so I didn’t really know what to expect about the weather or anything. It really is very dry there. The heat is like heat from an oven. And the places we saw were so beautiful. We camped in the Grand Canyon and… it was insane. The Grand Canyon is insane. Everything was so incredible. And at night, you could see the stars perfectly. When we camped in Death Valley, there was absolutely no light pollution for miles so the sky was amazing. We saw the Milky Way.”

               “Oh wow,” Catalina sighed.

               “You and Jungkook should go next summer,” said Jimin. “You’d love it.”

               “Yeah, I would do that,” said Catalina. “That sounds like a lot of fun. We need to make up for our last trip.”

               They sat in silence for a while before Jimin said, “I can’t believe we’re going to France in two weeks.”

               “I know!” said Catalina. “I can’t believe it! This is something I’ve been waiting for my entire life and I’ll finally be able to do it!”

               “Is your solo ready?” Jimin asked.

               “I mean, as ready as it’ll ever be,” said Catalina. “You know how it is.”

Her and Jimin had both taken the winter semester off to recover from their transformations and to get used to their new bodies. Catalina used that time to choreograph a solo worthy of an audition in France. By now, the beginning of summer, she had perfected it as much as she could.

“I’m going to the studio to practice it tomorrow,” said Catalina. “You should come with me. You can help, or just watch. You haven’t seen it finished yet.”

“What time? I’m babysitting tomorrow,” said Jimin.

“Oh right! You’re doing that every Tuesday now, aren’t you?” said Catalina.

Jimin nodded and said, “Yep, Caleb’s sister has dance on Tuesdays, so I’ll just be there for a few hours.”

“Are you still gonna do that when classes start? You’re signing up for classes in the fall, right?” she asked.

“Yeah, I don’t want to fall behind any more than I am,” said Jimin.

“Me too,” said Catalina. Then she smiled and grabbed Hoseok’s shoulder over the driver’s seat. “And you’re starting classes with us too, aren’t you?”

He laughed and said, “I sure am!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weather was perfect, and according to Jungkook, the water was ideal for beginner’s surfing. They got set up on a relatively empty patch of the beach. The family closest to them had a few kids, who were building a sandcastle near the water. It was Monday, so thankfully there weren’t too many other people there. Yoongi laid out a beach blanket and immediately laid down, covering his face with his sun hat. He was almost completely covered, with long sleeves and long pants. Catalina figured he was trying to protect his pasty white skin.

               Jimmy K settled down beside Yoongi with a thick book. Catalina had assumed he would be surfing with them that day; he seemed like the type to surf. Jimin and Taehyung lathered themselves in sunscreen and took their spots near the cooler, relaxing and watching the fun just like they promised. After shedding her shorts and tank top to reveal her new white bikini, Catalina lathered herself in sunscreen, since she could already feel herself burning. Then she grabbed her board and met the others down by the water.

At some point, the family next to them left and they were left to themselves on their private stretch of beach.

Catalina, Namjoon, and Hoseok kept their eyes on Jungkook and Jin, who were teaching them the basics of how to surf. They all had boards, rented ones for the newbies, and Catalina was excited to get out on the water. With every glance at the ocean behind her, she felt nervousness twist in her stomach. She had to keep reminding herself that she wouldn’t drown and she wouldn’t get hurt. Her body was stronger than it used to be, which was something she still hadn’t completely gotten used to.

                They were standing on their boards, Jin showing them how to position their feet. Jungkook went to each of them, giving them pointers or fixing their positions. He stepped onto Catalina’s board behind her and nudged her right foot forward a bit, hands on her bare waist.

               “Just keep your knees bent and your legs spread a bit more,” he said. His bare chest was pressed up against her back.

               “…And if you guys fall off, just let the current roll you until it’s settled, then come up,” Jin was saying. “But you guys won’t drown anyway, so no harm.”

               “Right, no harm,” Jungkook said, his hand sliding down to her butt.

She giggled and turned around to face him.

“Did Hoseok get this treatment when you helped him?” she asked with a wide smile on her face.

“He would probably like that,” Jungkook said with a laugh. “But this is only reserved for my favorite students.”

“Ooh, so Namjoon got this too,” Catalina said, winding her arms over his bare shoulders. He threw his head back and laughed. This was her favorite song. The sounds of his laughter, the waves hitting the beach, The seagulls calling overhead, his heart beating in his chest.

Catalina leaned up to press her lips against his, the board wobbling in the sand beneath their feet.

She never wanted this song to end.

#bts #bts fanfction #knights of the night #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #Jimmy K #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jeongguk #namjoon #rm #jin #captain kirk #yoongi #suga #jhope #hobi #jimin #taehyung #v #jungkook #crystalstar

[maydaymemer]

Steam vs. Sledgehammer

Yep it’s time to review two songs in one. My favourite song ever: Steam (yes, Steam), as well as one of the iconic songs of the ‘80s: Sledgehammer. Both by Peter Gabriel, both heavily influenced by funk and both with music videos directed by the late Stephen R. Johnson.

Sledgehammer needs no introduction for anyone over 40, which means it does need an introduction here. The song is the lead single from Peter Gabriel’s 1986 pop opus “So”, and is his only American #1 (it only got to #4 in the UK, which makes me more ashamed to be from here than ever). It’s known for its pioneering stop-motion animated music video which is still well regarded today, heck it kickstarted Aardman’s career before they made Wallace and Gromit. The song is a loving tribute to Gabriel’s favourite funk and Motown songs he listened to in his youth, there’s even a funny anecodote a read about Gabriel in his early days going to a soul cafe or something and being the only white guy there. To be a fly on the wall on that day. Methinks he was there to pick up chicks, not just listen to the music, which only makes me love the guy even more to be honest.

Steam on the other hand I don’t think anyone who isn’t a Gabriel fan remembers. Sure, when it was released in 1992 it was a hit but was generally seen as a Sledgehammer II: Sledge Harder, and didn’t set anyone’s world alight. Plus, people weren’t listening to Peter Gabriel in ‘92, they were bumping Nirvana and Tupac. On the bright side we did get a fucking insane music video which I love showing to people to get a reaction out of them.

One of them highly acclaimed and the other mostly maligned, but both are typically overshadowed by their music videos. I’m here to dig into what makes both these songs great, and why they’re both intelligent, finely crafted pop songs. I’m also going to note the similarities between the two, and why I think Steam was a more than worthy follow up.

Let’s get down to the start of both songs. Sledgehammer begins with a synthesised flute that goes on for about 15 seconds, before launching into an opening tune that knocks you right off your seat like, well a sledgehammer. This sets up an appropriate atmosphere for a song that combines the clever soul with the sexy sounds of the ‘80s to create a song that transcends past dated into just a banging tune that holds up today. The song has an excellent bassline and feels simply big. Then we get Gabriel coming in with a prolonged “Heeeeeeey” followed up with a more muffled “tell me how have you been?” to take us into the first verse. The song sets a mood and it sets it well, this is bouncy and fun Peter Gabriel, not weird psycho Peter Gabriel (which is pretty much his default).

Steam, on the other hand, doesn’t introduce itself. The song just abruptly bursts into your door after a short bassline with the distinct drum and bassline with all sorts of sounds flung at you. Horns, electric guitar, you name it. Gabriel yells “Stand back! Stand back!” And you almost think “yeah maybe I should I shouldn’t really argue with Peter Gabriel”, especially in the video where he’s wearing a pimp suit to accompany this. He continues, shouting “what are these dogs doing sniffing at my feet? / They’re onto something picking up / picking up / this heat”. I still have no idea what this intro means, but then we transition into the abolsutely magnificent instrumented chorus as Peter sings “Give me Steam / and how you feel can make it real / real as anything you’ve seen / get a life / with the dreamer’s dream”. I’ve heard reviewers call this song overproduced, and I would agree the song is very maximal in terms of production, but I wouldn’t remove one instrument. The song’s various mood changes from chorus to verse to pre-and-post choruses take me where the song wants me to go emotionally every time. I find the “Give me Steam” part specifically to be rather exciting and really impressed me the first time I listened to this song, last year I believe, and it still impresses me now.

This is where we take a look at the verse structure of both songs, which are pretty much the same not just within the songs but between them. The first verses of both set up two metaphors:

“You could have a steam train / if you just lay down your tracks

You could have an aeroplane flying / if you bring your blue sky back” - From Sledgehammer

“You know your culture from your trash

You know your plastic from your cash” - From Steam

Peter then connects these to the message of the song at the end of the verse:

“All you do is call me

I’ll be anything you need” - Sledge

“Whenever heavens doors are shut / you get* them open but / I know you” - Steam (alright I’m cheating here, that’s three metaphors, but this illustrates my point better)

So as you can see this is where the two songs split off. Sure both include Peter’s patented silly sex puns, a Sledgehammer is long and hard while Steam is hot and wet, but the meanings of each song is different.

For Sledgehammer the song is about how sex can be used to communicate and brighten up the mood of someone where words simply can’t help. The philosophy of the song is that sometimes you just need some fuck. I imagine a narrative where maybe Peter and this lady friend he’s talking to through the song have just broken off some long term relationship, and they’re very good friends so they spend some time together playing with her bumper cars and his big dipper to take their minds off it. The song isn’t really about love, it’s about having fun, but as I illustrated with my interpretation it’s not about sex with someone you don’t love it’s about sex with someone you’re not IN love with. So kind of a FWB/rebound kind of thing, though not a romcom version where they get together in the third act. It’s a very different approach to an ‘Intercourse with You’ song and told in a very fun way. The song has a bounce to it and a sort of mature naivety, Peter comes across as genuinely joyful to the woman he’s narrating too, they aren’t using eachother but they’re not in a serious relationship either. Good stuff, Pete.

Steam on the other hand is about the relationship, it’s about that spark and connection with someone. Specifically it’s about a relationship where the woman is cultured, sophisticated and generally a classy lady but Peter isn’t. He’s talking himself down, except for one subject: when it comes to the lady, he knows her better than she does and that’s the most important thing of all. Maybe he knows how to please her, maybe he knows her deepest depths, maybe it’s both but the songwriting illustrates that Peter is just in awe of this woman and she might not be in awe of herself just yet. I always interpreted this as Peter writing about a relationship between classes, but in a smarter way than say Billy Joel. Peter grew up middle class but in this song it’s like he’s putting himself in the shoes of a working class guy who’s in a relationship with someone who should be out of his league, but perhaps because of those virtues have led to him knowing how to socialise he can get the depths of her heart better jan a thousand potential rich suitors and their relationship just works. I’m being a bit old school with the picture I’m painting but a genuinely smart way of basically writing Opposites Attract but without the cartoon cat (instead we get a CGI Peter Gabriel Chair, perhaps that’s not the best trade off). That’s why I love it so much, it writes a geniunely smart love song about a relationship working despite the differences which a lot of songs do but they never go into why they work together. Peter explains that while he can’t know a lot about art or money he does know a lot about humanity (and sex, as Sledge shows).

The rest of the verses follow this same formula, I’ll close the review by pointing out how the finales of both songs basically are the same again.

With the finale of Sledgehammer Gabriel refers to “shedding his skin”. He then says “this is the new stuff”, which probably sounds like a birthday suit reference to you but I have a more indirect interpretation. What I love about the line is that in a way it’s Gabriel saying “I’m the shit!”, predicting that the song will become ‘the new stuff’ as it did. Which is why it’s one of the things I do prefer over Steam, which goes for a more obvious orgasm innuendo:

“Roomshake, earthquake

Find a way to stay awake

It’s gonna blow, it’s gonna break

This is more than I can take!”

Tho back to praising Steam, it is my favourite song after all, I think that song does pace itself better. Steam is a minute longer and has way more variety, with a lot of change ups with an occasional pre-chorus peppered in. It’s a longer song that feels shorter and endlessly replayable. Granted a listen to both of these songs an unhealthy amount of times, so I wouldn’t recommend any of you reading this skip out on them. Listen to them however you can, they’re a great time. Heck, buy the albums they come from because the rest of the songs on there are great too.

Thanks for reading this review. It’s a very quick one drafter of hopefully many that I’m posting to sharpen my writing skills. Hope you enjoyed and I’ll make sure to improve these over time. I have ideas for little bite size and more cohesive reviews of the following songs: Uh Huh, Girl, Babooshka

*note: thought he sung “kick” but apparently not. Personally I think “kick” has a better kick to it, funny enough, in terms of annunciation.

#peter gabriel #steam #song analysis #review #music #peter gabriel steam #peter gabriel sledgehammer #petr fuckriel #sledgehammer

[aggedyann]

Alone

A/N No dialogue, only text message

Freddie woke up to a house empty except for the dogs. The dogs who had woken him up, begging to go outside. He tried to take a breath through his congested sinuses and ended up with a sharp series of coughs as his reward.

Slipping his flip flops on, he walked downstairs to let the dogs out in the backyard, trying to ignore the throbbing in his head and sinuses. “UhhrChuhdzshoo, HuhhrChushzhoo!” He grabbed a paper towel and slumped down at the kitchen table, wincing as he blew his sore nose

He’d had the cold for a week and a half before it turned into a sinus infection. Sore throat, cough, throbbing head, fever, and sneezing…incessant sneezing. Normally, he’d be all over that last part, but this time around, he just felt too awful.

And he was alone. Jamie had literally taken him to the doctor, dropped him at home and flown to San Francisco for work. Alex was doing shows this week in Vegas and had taken Tim and Alyssa with him. Tim had just started dating Ethan, and it wasn’t like he knew him well enough to call him and ask him to bring over some chicken soup. Did Ethan even cook?, he wondered

Freddie was on his own for a few days.

He let the dogs back in and fed them, head pounding relentlessly as he bent over to fill their bowls. Grabbing a fresh glass of water, he fruitlessly blew his nose and headed back upstairs.

Shivering, he crawled back under his blankets, pulling them tight up around him. Cash crawled up on his right side and Pace up on his left, both dogs snuggling around him. He appreciated the extra warmth.

He didn’t know how long he’d slept, just that he felt ten times worse when he woke up. A glance at the clock showed it was nearly 11. No wonder he felt awful: he had been due for more cold medicine almost two hours ago.

He sat up and hastily grabbed a handful of tissues, burying his nose in them. “H’Chudshh, Chudzhh, UhhChudshoo.” Six more sneezes rocked his body, and he sniffled wetly as he felt the cement in his sinuses shift and his nose start to slowly run. Three crackling blows later, and he was ready to get out of bed to grab the cold medicine and his antibiotic

With a second thought, he grabbed the blanket off the bed along with his pillow. Draping the blanket over his shoulders, he made his way downstairs to where a new box of DayQuil and his antibiotic sat on the kitchen counter.

Freshly medicated and somewhat more hydrated – still no appetite – he made his way to the couch, clutching his pillow and dragging the blanket behind him. Flopping down on the couch with a sneeze, he sighed. He’d left the tissue box in the kitchen…and his phone.

After a brief coughing spell, and several sips of water, he slowly walked back to the kitchen. A glance at his phone showed three missed text messages. Grabbing the tissues, he took his phone back to the couch to read them.

Once bundled in his blanket again, he took a good look at his phone. Jamie…2 missed texts; Tim…missed text.

Jamie: Hey Sweety, just checking in to see how you’re doing?

Jamie: sweety, you ok? It’s not like you not to answer. Do I need to call someone?

Her last text had been sent just before he woke up. He texted back hurriedly.

Freddie: I’m ok, hon. Just woke up. Let the dogs out & then fell back to sleep. Feel pretty awful, but I’m so tired it doesn’t matter

He read Tim’s text…much less worried than Jamie’s.

Tim: Hey man, how you doing? Heard you have sinus infection now. Sucks. Feel better.

Freddie started to respond when a sudden sneeze hit him. “HuhChuszzhh. Ugh.” He muttered, wiping the spray off his phone with a tissue, then pressing that tissue to his nose as a whole volley of sneezes struck him, “UhChuzhh, Chudshh, H’Chudshoo, uhChudzhhoo, hhh’chuzhh.” He sneezed for another half minute before the unrelenting itch left his sinuses. And then blew his tender, raw nose for another minute with a fresh wad of tissues..

Then responded to Tim.

Freddie: yeah…sinus infection. Pretty miserable. Would rather be poolside in Vegas lol

His phone dinged with a return text from Jamie just after he messaged Tim.

Jamie: Good. Glad you’re ok, & just sleeping. Was worried. Will let you go back to sleep. ❤️ you

Freddie: ❤️ you too.

Freddie stretched out on the couch, still wrapped in his blanket, tight enough to stay warm, but loose enough to allow his hands easy tissue access. He found a movie on prime and started watching. “HuhChuzhh.” He had just gotten comfortable enough for his eyelids to start feeling heavy when the sneeze pitched him forward. “Uhhchidshh, Chizhoo.” Ugh, he thought. What had happened to his usual pattern of singles or doubles. Every time now was at least three…normally he’d be over the moon at that; he felt he never sneezed enough; but considering every sneeze caused searing pain from his forehead down to his jaw, and by the end of each fit, he was dizzy, sneezing was not at the top of the list of enjoyable activities today.

He tried again, only to be awoken by four sneezes once he finally dozed off.

The third time, a coughing jag which left him gasping for air.

Finally on the fourth attempt, he fell asleep until the dogs woke him, wanting to go outside for the third time that day.

Grabbing a hoodie from the hall closet, he wrapped it around himself – was he ever going to be warm? – and led the dogs into the backyard, cleaning up after them for the first time that day. Shivering, he washed his hands.

Deciding it was time to eat, he popped a bowl of oatmeal into the microwave, then picked at it. It was warm, but the post nasal drip running down his throat made him wince with every swallow. With half of it finished, he made a cup of tea – no lemon, extra honey, and returned to couch and his blanket burrito.

The steam from the tea started his nose dripping, and it wasn’t long before he had freed his hands from the confines of the blanket and deposited the tissue box on his lap. Soft liquid blows followed as the sludge that had been in his sinuses loosened up and began to drain its way out

“UhhChushoo, Chushoo!” The pair of sneezes surprised him, and watched the spray settled on the coffee table before grabbing a new set of tissues and filling them, needing a second set to finish blowing his nose. ‘Better take a disinfectant wipe to the coffee table before Jamie gets home.’ He reminded himself before being startled by another sudden sneeze, barely having a chance to clap a hand over his face.

He wiped his hand on his sweat pants and reached for more tissues – better keep these ready; the tea had certainly started something.

He was able to select the sequel to the movie he had just finished watching when the sneezing struck again. “Huhhchishoo! UhhChishh! Chishh! HehhChishheshh!” By the third sneeze, the thin stack of tissues – he really thought two would have been enough- was soaked, and generally, rendered useless. These were not the stuffy sneezes of that morning; these were wet sneezes that seemed to come out of nowhere. If only he were healthy enough to enjoy this…

He took a sip of tea, noting the steam/tea had a spicy scent. He’d grabbed one of Jamie’s teas by mistake, and this particular one always irritated him. However, today, it was just what he needed; it *was* clearing his sinuses.

“Uhhkushhoo, kushhoo, huhuckshoo!”

Grabbing the last few tissues from the box, he powerfully blew his nose, hoping to stop the running for a few minutes. Shedding his blanket cocoon, he padded his way to the hall closet for more

He had no more than opened the box when he doubled over with a powerful sneeze that was unlike his normal, and remained that way for four more. Straightening up, he waited for the wave of dizziness to pass before heading back to the kitchen for a glass of water and fresh tea.

That done, he flopped down on the couch, only to have his phone ding again.

Tim: poolside would be good for you. Soaking up the sun would get you better. Alex says hi - he’s been in rehearsals most of the day while Lyss goes shopping.

Freddie grinned and typed back: Don’t lose all your money at the blackjack table

“He’Chushh.” He rubbed his nose with the tissue, starting to stuff up again, and turned his attention back to the movie.

He must have nodded off because it was nearing the end when his phone woke him again.

Ethan: Hey…it’s Ethan. Heard through the grapevine that you’re sick and alone. Need me to drop anything off?

Freddie read the text a few times, first trying to figure out who Ethan was in his half asleep state. Having placed Ethan, he was then trying to figure out how Ethan knew his predicament. – Tim must have told him.

Freddie: Yeah…sinus infection. I’m good though…Jamie stocked me up pretty good before she left

Ethan: You sure? I went to check on Cashew, so I’m stopping at the deli between there and the hospital. They have pretty good soup…Or if you just want some company? Although I’ll warn you, you’ll spend the evening listening to me sneeze…

Freddie did have to admit, he wasn’t totally opposed to that idea…if he only had a decent voice right now. The thought of Ethan sneezing sent a charge through him that made him feel a little better, but he was not quite sure if he felt well enough for the man to stop over.

Freddie: Allergies bad today?

Ethan: 🤧 Awful. Plus there was a hurt dog in the parking garage after work, and like an idiot, I had to stop to try to check it’s collar for tags. Scared him every time I sneezed. Finally someone else came along and took over for me. Still sneezed in the car for half an hour tho.

Freddie: Jamie will do that too.

Ethan: anyway, I’m still sneezing for my attempts at a good deed. Thought that since I was stopping at Tim’s, I’d hit the deli instead of sneezing my way around my kitchen. Sure I can’t tempt you with some chicken dumpling…

Freddie paused to sneeze before responding:

What about our dogs? I know they’re bred for people with allergies, but I don’t want to risk making you feel worse…

Ethan: They’ve never bothered me before. Labradoodle have never been a problem

Freddie: Chicken dumpling actually sounds really good. Throat hurts so I haven’t eaten much. If you don’t mind driving over here, that I’m a snotty, disgusting mess with no voice….

Ethan: I’m sure I’ve seen worse, man. Text me your address.

Freddie texted over the address.

Ethan: see you an an hour, ok

Freddie: sure. Thanks

“Uhhchushoo, H’chushh, Chuhhshehh.” Freddie got off the couch and headed for the shower, glad he’d have enough time to look human and pick up the used tissues before Ethan got there,.

[professional-benaddict]

I love your writing style so i’ve got prompts for you! How about,, hear this,, peter begging tony to adopt a baby kitty!! would love it if you could make it ddlb tho hehe ((we all LIVE for little peter)) and tony are reluctant about it at first but eventually gave in because who could resist cute little peter begging? Hehe :3

Thank you love ahhhh💕💕

aNd yes I live for ddlb so ofc I’ll make it that✨✨

Daddy Tony, 18+ Peter, ageplay, cat adoption, fluff

—————

”Daddy, please! I’ll take care of it, I swear! Please…”

Tony’s head was ringing with all of Peter’s begging. He didn’t even have a clue where the boy had picked up the idea of them having a pet, and out of all of the options, a cat. The mechanic was reluctant at first, due to all the horror stories he had picked up here and there throughout his life.

’My cat threw up on me.’

’My cat destroyed my sofa, which I got just last week!’

’My cat broke the vase that belonged to my dead mother.’

Yet, here Tony was sat on the sofa next to a napping Peter with his iPad in his lap, researching different cat breeds. One breed in particular caught his attention and after some reading on some veterinarian sites, Tony came to a decision. A week later, he went to meet with a potential seller in her home, who had just recently gotten a litter of five Norwegian forest kittens.

Tony did not expect to be so fascinated by the squeaking, tiny creatures. The kittens were still blind and stumbling around crying out for their mother on the floor, but there was something adorable about it all. Every now and then, the mother cat would get out of her basket to go fetch her five kittens back after they had crawled out to explore the world around them.

”They are very loving, kind and gentle cats with a strong sense of nurturing, as you can see.” The seller, an elderly woman called Gunborg explained as the mother cat, Sif, trotted by with one of her kittens in her mouth, placing the crying kitten in the basket before fetching another one.

”What about shedding?” Tony asked and Gunborg chuckled with a knowing smile before answering.

”They have long coats, but my Sif has never been a horrible shedder, so I don’t think the kittens will be either. However, a proper grooming once a week should do the trick.”

Looking down at his feet, Tony found one of the kittens climbing clumsily on his shoe. Seeing how busy Sif was, Tony decided to pick up the kitten into his hands. The kitten made a hoarse squeak and cracked one blue eye half open at Tony before nuzzling into his hands. The mechanic only had one soft spot, and that spot had Peter’s name on it, but this tiny creature could perhaps make a close second.

”I’ll take this one.”

Three long months passed and Peter kept nagging, but this time Tony did not mind it as much, knowing that the money had been transferred and the kitten would be theirs very soon. It was a Friday when Tony finally brought the kitten home and like he and Peter had agreed the day before, they would spend the weekend in Daddy and Little space. So, when Peter arrived home from the college lecture, he called out for his Daddy.

”Living room, baby!” And soon enough Tony heard padding socked feet approach him where he was sat on the sofa. The boy launched himself at his Daddy, knocking the breath out of him for a second.

”Okay, okay, easy! No wrestling on the sofa, yeah?” Tony said with some sternness and arranged Peter’s long and skinny limbs so that the boy was sat on his lap before starting on the good news that he was sure would delight the boy. ”Pete, I got you something today. I’ll show it to you in a second, okay, but you have to promise me to not scream or make loud noises. It’s very important, baby boy, do you understand?”

Peter seemed to catch onto the seriousness of the situation easily and nodded his head obediently, although Tony could see that he was trying very hard to hold back his bubbling excitement. ”I understand, Daddy.”

”Good boy. Now, sit tight and I’ll get the surprise, okay?”

Peter was practically buzzing where he sat on the sofa and gasped loudly when he saw his Daddy walking in with a cage, but quickly covered his mouth with his hands when he remembered what his Daddy had told him.

”Is it a kitty?” Peter whispered and scrambled to the floor where his Daddy set the cage down gently and opened the door to it.

”It is, baby boy.” Tony confirmed and moved to sit behind his boy on the floor. Together they waited for the kitten to gather her courage and step out of the cage and into her new forever home, which she did quite quickly.

”It’s so cute!” Peter squealed, his hands still covering his mouth in disbelief of what he was seeing. The kitten was much more steady on her feet now and trotted over to Peter to greet him with a squeaky meow, wide blue eyes starring up at him curiously. The boy picked her up gently and held her to his chest.

”She’s a Norwegian forest cat.” Tony explained. ”And you can call her whatever you want, baby.”

”Really?” Peter gasped out again, his eyes welling up with tears as he craned his neck to look up at his Daddy. ”Is she mine?”

The older man nodded with a smile and Peter slumped back against his chest, babbling ’thank you’ over and over as he cried softly with the kitten held to his chest.

The kitten’s name became Tigger due to her multicoloured fur that reminded Peter of a tiger. She turned out to be a playful little rascal, always on Peter’s heel when he was dashing around the house playing and giggling happily in little space. She was also excellent company for the boy when he was all aged up, sitting on his lap while he studied and purring softly. However, Peter wasn’t the only one who grew very close to Tigger. Tony, even though he would never admit it, did get a sweet spot for her and didn’t mind the shedding on his lap whenever she cuddled up to him at night and began purring as he petted her.

#my prompts #little!peter #starker #starker fic #tony stark x peter parker #peter parker #tony stark

[rusticpumpkin-blog]

|Beyond Love| a Paul Lahote fanfic- extra 1/?

*keep innmind these are for my fanfiction involving Paul Lahote and this is on moblie because im to lazy to go get my laptop.

**these are only for my fan fiction

***cannon says he imprinted with Jakes older sister but this is fan fiction and i can do what i want. In this fic she just doesnt exist.

PAUL LAHOTE

****it takes place 3ish years after breaking dawn and Paul (along with Jacob Black) is 21.

-i hc his birthday as being March 28th, they never stated what it was and i feel like his personality definitely matches an Aries.

-Paul drives an old beat up white s10 pick-up truck. He uses it for work.

-Paul works construction and handy man odd jobs prefering to not have a "boss" so that when pack things come up he doesnt have anyone to answer to.

-he would like to work at the lumber mill close to La Push though for the money and stability it would bring. With the "threat" of vampires taken care of its looking like a better and better idea.

-Pauls father is a mean, spiteful, old guy. Hes round the middle and when he learned about Paul changing he was jealous pf the idea. He would always get in Pauls face and purposefully try to provoke him into a physical fight which happened often with Pauls temper. One of the fights got so bad that it landed Pauls father (Ive started calling him Travis.) In the hospital. This gave Scott a valid excuse to kick his then 17 year old son out of the house.

-dispite issues with his father Paul grew into a full-fledged adult (mostly because he didnt want to keep couch surfing among the pack). He started doing construction and saved enough to buy himself a trailer that Sam allowed him to place on his land.

-it was a real shitty trailer at first but threw blood, sweat and tears Paul made it into a very nice home. Adding on to it with a sunny and cozy den (wanted a room big enough for all the guys to come over an watch football), extending his bedroom, adding on a second half bathroom, and even building himself a garage/oversized tool shed. Pretty much the perfect man cave.

-Paul works A LOT people hire him for jobs because of his skill and relatively low rates. All he asks for is that they pay for the materials and provide a small hourly rate (maybe 10-14 bucks depending on the type of job).

-because of the low take home from each individual job he has to pull a lot of hours to save up for whatever he wants to buy next.

-hes also known for his gorgeousness (dispite his intence need to look and seem bad ass and callous) often doing jobs for the tribe at little to no cost for thoes in need. For example he repared and re-shingled Billy blacks roof because of the multiple leaks that had been haphazardly repared in the past, for nothing but dinner and a couple of shirts that couldnt fit Bill anymore. A small ramp magically apeared overnight on a portion of Sam and Emilys porch steps the week after they found out she was expecting. Stuff that the pack refers to as getting a visit from the construction fairy.

-Paul was in a very volatile relationship with an unfaithful girl named Tiffany for a long time. I dont want to say too much and spoil plot points for the story but this chick is an asshole like, a major cunt-face.

-they met in school before Paul first changed and he was actually teased for being short and having little dog syndrome she and her group were the people who taunted him and a lot of the males got the bad end of a beating for it. Until he changed anyway then he was tall and handsome and tiffany suddenly changed her tone.

-paul being the short guy was into the idea of the hottest chick in school being into him so they happened way to quickly for jt to be healthy.

-Not to say that Paul was the perfect boyfriend or anything he was possessive, jealous and was the kind of dude that would kick someones ass for looking at his girl for too long. She was a manipulative lier who thought he was more of an accessory than a partner, someone attractive who would do whatever she wanted. And he did dispite her expensive tastes and demanding attitude he still loved her and worked way too hard to give her what she wanted for her to just throw it in his face. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA

-Paul is still Paul after the "break up" (which was more of a fuck buddy situation than a relationship at that point)

-hes food agressive lol. The packs learned to not take from his plate unless theyre prepared to deal with an angry, hungry, asshole.

-he wishes he could have went to college for something like contacting. But he gave up on thoes dreams a long time ago becase dreams of going to a fancey school dont pay the bills or put food in the fridge.

-he has really horrible hand writing. Like its bairly legible, clients have learned to ask what he needs themselves rather than ask for him to write a list and get to the store and be unable to decipher the chicken scratch he gave them.

-is actually great at math.

-kinda has a habbit of mansplaining things to his credit tho he only does it when its about things he knows about enough to do so.

-He tends to get along better with Emmet out of all the other Vampires dispite their past. They hang out and play cod on xbox lol. Emmett is trying to convince him to play overwatch, if he did i feel like Paul would main either Roadhog or reaper.

-he enjoys spending weekends and other free time hanging out with da boiz.

I may ad NSFW head cannons later....

#twilight new moon #twilight eclipse #twilight breaking dawn #twilight wolves #twilight #the wolf pack #pack #paul lahote #quil ateara #quileute wolves #quileute #embry call #sam uley #emmett cullen #headcanon #fanfic #new moon #breaking dawn #brady fuller

[shecapturedfeeling]

dude. ok. this is exactly what I mean.

back when the trailer for bohemian rhapsody first came out, I was super excited and just made a random post on social media saying “someone come watch this with me it looks so good.” I didnt rlly get any response but it was fine bc I just wanted to express my excitement.

then the movie comes out, and one of my rlly good guy friends works at the theatre so he can bring friends in for free. I literally listen to this guy rant all the time and we’re rlly close, so im like, he probably wouldn't mind doing me a favor and bringing me in since this movie just means a lot to me, right? but he ends up not having any time and finally I just felt so bad about bothering him so much about it that I stopped asking.

so then one weekend he ends up going to see the movie with a bunch of guy friends (some of which are my friends too). and I was out of town and I was like...wow. I mean ik he didnt purposely go just bc I wasn't there and that was prolly his free weekend and I happened to not be home but whatever. I wasn't rlly sad about him not bringing me, I was sad about not getting to see the movie. also, that group never did get to see the movie bc the theatre was filled up so they ended up watching something else.

anyway, one of the guys in that group is my best friends boyfriend. I basically set them up, since this guy (who's also my friend) had a crush on her and came up to me and I literally stayed up all night for 2+ weeks during the summer and spent so many hours just giving advice. I literally TOLD him the things to say and text to her. I gave him the idea for getting her a blanket for her birthday, forcing me to come up with another idea for my own gift for her. he used MY reasoning for the gift to explain why he got it, and she treats this blanket like its her favorite object. I was the one who ordered the present online for him, because he asked me to, because he didnt want his mom to question it. Even though it meant my mom asked me why I was spending so much money on her gifts. even though I had to go through the effort and I had to wrap the present and bring it to school. 

so after they went to watch the movie (but ended up watching something else), my friend is all “I want to watch bohemian rhapsody!!” which is so FUNNY bc every time I mentioned it before she’d roll her eyes and act annoyed and she NEVER listened to queen or expressed a modicum of interest before then, never sang along to bohemian rhapsody with the rest of us. but ok.

a few months later, bohemian rhapsody is out of theatres. the guys did end up seeing it, and they’re all obsessed with queen now, even though before half of them didnt know anything about them. its fine bc this is true of like half the teenage population who now professes to be huge fans of queen. I mean like, its fine, queen deserves it. and now there's people to discuss queen with so yay I guess. I never did get to see it in theatres which was sad, but I knew I could just find it online although it wouldn't be the same experience.

so then there’s another of my really good friends, a beautiful, talented, nice, perfect friend whom everyone likes. one of our guy friends who went to see the movie had a giant crush on her. I was the first person he told and he said not to tell anyone else so I didnt, but then he ended up telling a billion people and the situation got out of hand and uncomfortable for the girl, and I sat there giving him endless advice. (I also gave him advice during the times the three of us--sometimes 4, when the movie theatre friend was there--were face timing about the blanket guy trying to date my best friend.) I’ve had so many late night chats with this guy, talking to him, listening to his rants, spent so many hours trying to convince him to go to prom and ask this perfect friend to prom. I helped him with his promposal, came up with the majority of the logistics for his promposal, and stayed up with him while he made it. he’s sent me personal thoughts he hasn't shared with anyone else. I also comforted him when he lost someone recently and he said “thanks for being a really good friend and always being there for me” and after that has proceeded to treat me worse than he treats this perfect girl and my best friend. like, he’s always there to comfort my best friend, he always responds to her messages and addresses her in group chats. same with the perfect friend, he wants to go to her dance recital and stuff and is trying to persuade others to go too. I mean, I can understand it, bc not only are they both really pretty and accomplished, thus deserving of appreciation and kindness and friendship, he actually has reason to like them bc ofc he had a crush on this perfect friend and my best friend is HIS best friend’s girlfriend. but still, he’s been one of the few people to say that im a good friend so I thought he actually appreciated having me there as a friend and I kinda expected him to treat me as well as he treats them?? but guess not. and this perfect friend, I love her, and she's so nice to me, and were closer than I am with a lot of other people in our friend group. we have classes together and we can rant about stuff and I dont have to act like everythings fine around her (although Ive never expressed my actual sadness and depression to her bc her life is just so perfect, so she doesn’t actually know anything beyond the surface, but what I mean is that we can actually talk about deeper issues about the world and stuff). I love her but she is SO concerned with image and reputation. she never speaks up against people. in classes ive had to go up and talk to the teacher to ask questions for my friend. she’ll never say anything. and it sucks bc when we’re with others, she’ll put them before me. like suddenly they’ll all tease or laugh at me, im sure out of a good place, but it still sucks. she’ll team up with the guys, trying to gain their approval (they all love her anyway, so its really unnecessary). the other day our group chat decided to play evil apples, and the first round she won and I was second before the 2 guys, and in the second round one of the guys won and she was 2nd and I was 3rd but the prom friend (the one who had a crush on her) lost. then the next day in a class we were in a group playing cards against humanity, and when it was my turn to judge, I chose a card that was appropriate rather than an inappropriate one bc the appropriate one just made more sense and she whispers to the guy next to her, “see this is why we can’t play with them.” in a different round, the question card was “I get by with a little help from ______” and I said “is there a beatles related card” bc I wanted to make a reference, and the girl on the other side of perfect friend whispered what I said to her, giggling. it made me annoyed bc they were talking behind my back, and I would've been fine if it was the girl and the guy on each side of her, bc even though we’re all kind of friends they never really seemed to like me that much and always have seen me as just this weird, socially awkward, annoying person, but it made me so MAD that my FRIEND was taking part in this, and not saying anything, and just looking down on me when in private she’ll act like im her favorite person in the whole world. but whatever, I digress.

back to the point, perfect friend a few months after bohemian rhapsody left theaters she watched it somewhere and loved it, and she said it in our group chat, and everyone was like yay and loving her texts and had a discussion about how good it was.

yesterday I finally, finally watched it after months of waiting. so today I text the group chat that I watched it, and spam a little about what I liked and I didnt, which I realize is annoying bc I spam all the time and I cant really help it. but I expected since everyone in the chat is now queen fans, even those that weren’t before the movie, we could just obsess together over how good it was. 

but the only one who replied at first was my best friend (bless her). she loved a few messages (namely, 3: the first was that I watched it, the second was that the casting for brian may was amazing, and the third was that the live aid scene was so good). I was kinda confused bc I didnt think she even knew what I was talking about, especially since I didnt think shed even seen the movie? but maybe she did. or maybe she was just appreciating the comments, and anyway, regardless, I was grateful for her responding. and she said like “ooo where did you see it” and I said I found it online and she said “oh lol.” and she dislikes my ending text of “sorry for the spam I just really enjoyed it.” so I was grateful. but no one else really said anything.

until perfect friend sends an unrelated pic and says something. then she loved my text that I finally saw bohemian rhapsody, basically as an afterthought, but didnt say anything else on it. prom friend right away responds to perfect friend, ignoring all my texts, even tho I thought he was such a big fan of queen now after seeing the movie but whatever. he also then sends a video of blanket friend to the same group chat, addressing best friend, saying her name and what they’re doing.

so, nice to know im not liked lol.

I know this is a long winded story (I mean it doesn't matter cuz im just writing this to myself not anyone else) but im just so frustrated. I wish there was someone out there who would just CARE and appreciate my friendship and treat me like a friend. I KNOW I DONT DESERVE IT. and everything I say is with that unspoken warrant. like I KNOW. im just trying to say that at the same time im so tired of giving so much to my different relationships only to have it be reciprocated by like 5%. the closest connection I have is with is best friend, but she still looks down on me and has even told me everything she hates about me, two years ago when she was trying to get me to join color guard. color guard is like her obsession now, and she says she didnt know what it was before, even though back at the end of 8th grade I literally ASKED HER, “do you want to join color guard in hs.” but I guess she didn’t hear me and just disregarded it like she has SO MANY OTHER THINGS she doesn't deem important until she or her boyfriend or someone “discovers” it and then suddenly its her original idea or something. and ever since that episode when she basically ranted about everything she dislikes about me, just bc I didnt want to join color guard, nothing has been the same. I know ive wronged her so many times and I feel bad. I dont deserve her trust (I betrayed it so many times, like when I didnt tell her I was helping her (now) boyfriend) and I understand that, but now we dont share anything real. I dont trust ANYONE and all my real feelings and secrets I keep to myself. she doesn't need me for anything anymore now that she has a boyfriend, so its fine. but she still actually cares about me, and I care about her, and at least she will show her friendship and support for me. 

its just, I try so hard to connect. to act like im happy and have emotions when inside im depressed and empty. I try to show enthusiasm for everything they do when honestly I have so many of my own problems to worry about that I honestly just dont have the energy to care. I try to offer myself to comfort them and I prioritize other peoples feelings over my own obligations, feelings, problems, sleep, health, and time. I know it sounds like im a bad person just “faking” it and resenting these things that I should be happy to do. I guess I am, but its just that my mental health is so bad right now that its impossible for me to actually bring myself to care about stuff and others and myself or anything at all so thats why. When I get an opportunity to help people (like with the promposal and the girlfriend) it actually invigorates me bc I feel so needed. I willingly spend time on that bc it actually feels like im accomplishing something. It feels like people actually want me there. it feels like by doing this people will appreciate me. but that’s where im wrong. I got him his girlfriend and now he never talks to me or responds to my texts. I KNOW hes there, bc he’ll love all of her texts in the group chat, even the ones just saying the same things I already said, but he doesn't react to any of mine. I got him his prom date, yet in the hallways he doesn't say hi to me but he’ll gladly say hi to perfect friend or best friend. yesterday in lunch people got their yearbooks. perfect friend realized the cover had a feature. prom friend is there. best friend runs over yelling about how the cover is so bad because it’s predominantly black while the past 2 were predominantly white. to point out a good aspect, I repeat the feature perfect friend said. prom friend repeats what I said, but not in a high pitched voice or anything that hints at sarcasm or teasing. so I turn to him and im like “....I just said that.” he goes “I know. I was mocking you.” perfect friend and best friend say nothing to defend me. I just... I dont get it. a few days ago you said I was a good friend and now you proceed to make fun of me. somehow something about me makes it ok for him and others to make fun of me and look down on me, when he doesn't tease best friend or perfect friend. he treats me like trash but since the other two are perfect, since he likes perfect friend and since best friend is dating his friend, they have an automatic pass to be treated like queens, to be admired by him. best friend and perfect friend dont think they need to defend me when ive been nothing but loyal. it makes me annoyed because ive spent years defending best friend anytime someone says something. I was the outspoken one who'd yell at the guys when they teased. yet all anyone ever saw me as was the annoying, dramatic one. when I was just trying to be a friend the way I knew how. I thought being loyal was how to be a good friend, bc thats all I ever wanted. my brother made fun of me and put me down, at home, and in front of his friends, which were the most embarrassing time of all. so I thought my friends would appreciate me being loyal, yet all its ever seemed in all these years is that they’re embarrassed of me when I jump at those who tease. but I guess its because im so socially awkward. I overreact when things dont call for such big scenes. I talk too much. I try too hard. I just hate how I always take the fall. I never get credit where its due, just because I try to stay humble yet everyone still thinks im arrogant. I keep quiet, bc if I ever said what im saying now, it would just prove it. “see? you DO think highly of yourself.” they dont know that I would do anything to remove myself from this earth if I could because I have so much self loathing in me. 

the other day in math we were working in groups. one group came up with something and said it and the rest of the class was like “ohhh” but one group didnt hear and were like “what?” best friend goes “no dont tell them! make them figure it out themselves.” so I say to a classmate about to tell them, “no no no dont!” but in my voice thats 50x louder than my friend’s. someone else goes “what? no! thats so mean!” I was so embarrassed. I wouldn't have said anything if it wasn't my friends idea. I couldn’t care less whether that group knew or not, but since my friend said it I wanted to be supportive so I said something to have a bit of fun. yet I was the mean one, the one everyone looked at weird, the dramatic, annoying one, yet AGAIN. 

and it just made me think. I have taken the fall for others so many times and they have never spoken up. when its the other way around, when someone gets blamed for something that was my own fault, I always speak up and make sure to take the fall. I make it clear until people understand. and yet my friends never do the same for me. so why do I even bother?

I just need to stop trying so hard to be a friend, to be likable, because I know ill never know how. its just not in me to understand how to be a normal fucking person. to know how to interact with others. to not be socially awkward. to respond the right way. to not have a loud voice or talk too much or overshare. to read social cues and understand when people dont like me and to not force myself on them.

if I ever reach adulthood, maybe I can just sequester myself away from all humans, so none of them will ever have to deal with me again. so I dont fucking ruin society anymore. so I dont have to humiliate myself time and time again. so everyones lives can be so much better.

its embarrassing, im embarrassing, and im so tired of it.

[teamprozac-blog]

I’ve been wanting to talk about something no one knows and since no one knows about this account or who runs it I wanted to talk about sexual assault. My story I guess - I am a man and I know it may sound taboo but for years my ex girlfriend would sexual assault me. It’s weird to talk about but for two and a half years this went on. Don’t get me wrong I did love her and care for her very much - I loved having sex with her. It’s great to be intimate with someone you love but sometimes (especially when your mental health comes into play) you just want to be alone. Around this time I fell into a deep depression and her response was normally how I needed to talk to her and get it off my chest and yes I agree you should be able to talk to your partner about this things but when you don’t even know what’s wrong with you it’s very hard to think of the right words to say. I was unhappy, I was broke, in between jobs, living with my parents, and was not ready for her to move in with me after a month of being together. I wanted her to be happy and I’ll admit I did put her happiness before mine numerous times. This all started around the time i started getting anon messages on my old tumblr and Instagram from people who claimed to have known us personally. They used names, places, times, dates, ect. The first time this happened was a date night. I remember we went out to eat and suddenly I get a message on Instagram from a “friend” who claimed to be close to me and wanted to let me know that she had been cheating with someone who a year later turns out was true. I showed her the message and she flipped out wanting to find out who it was and it wasn’t really a big deal to me because from the start numerous people warned me about her. I thought it was petty drama. Once the messages started rolling in more frequently that’s when it started. I started feeling down on myself like I wasn’t man enough and everything I was doing wasn’t enough. Paying for her education, shopping sprees, tattoos, vacations, spending money, ect. I wasn’t working much at the time but the days I did work were easily 13 hour work days. It felt like it wasn’t enough. Those messages really hurt me even tho I had to keep a tough exteriory. I’d lie in bed at night while she lied next to me and I’d just break down thinking to myself “what is she doing while I’m working? Who is she really with when I’m going to work?” It came to the point that I was too upset for anything. I wouldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and didn’t have the mental capability to have sex. When I was younger sex was just always there always available but now that I’m older I don’t see things the same. I’d rather have sex with someone I can connect with on a mental/emotional life. It started around November. We’d lie in bed and she try to get on top of me kissing my neck and grabbing my penis trying to make it errect. When I’d tell her I was very tired and wanted to try and get some sleep the guilt tripping would come into play. Telling me how she was sorry she had gained weight and sorry she wasn’t like my ex girlfriends. I’d get up and take my phone to the rest room and tell her I really had to pee and watch whatever porn i could find on pornhub and start to masturbate anything to make myself errect. I’d go back to the bedroom and give her what she wanted. I didn’t finished because I’d feel myself start to go soft so id proceed to give her oral sex which itself wasn’t the best due to poor hygiene her taste/scent wasn’t the greatest. I did it any way because I wanted her to be happy. Eventually sex turned into just making her happy. I kept the same routine of making myself errect any way I could just to give her as much as I could to make her go to sleep. This happened regularly where I’d be in bed and shed get on top of me or waking me up kissing my neck. If force myself to get an errection and I’d have sex with her. I hated being on top of her because i couldn’t look at her I didn’t want her kissing me or seeing my eyes I always just wanted to get it over with. It wasn’t enough tho eventually she realized I wasn’t coming and the guilt trips got worse. She would get upset and tell me how sorry she was she wasn’t a model or how sorry she was that I’m unattracted to her. What I never understood was why she couldn’t just take the time to ask me “are you ok?” The last six months of our relationship were sexless because of this one night inperticular. I had worked roughly for 15 hours it was a Thursday and I came home to her in the same position I saw her in when I left to work - playing Xbox. I showed and got into bed and it started. She started kissing my neck and reached for my penis. I kissed her and told her “we can do this tomorrow I’m really tired my body hurts so bad.” She took that very personal and the tone in her voice changed. She told me I thought she was ugly and she sorry she wasn’t B or “any of your other model ex bitches”. At the moment I felt so small like my body was shrinking while she stood over my body waiting for her to hit me or something. I felt like crying I felt like telling her everything I felt like going to my mom and crying in her arms. I couldn’t take it anymore I hated it I didn’t like anything that was going on i started to have trouble breathing and felt my heart racing. She wouldn’t stop making me feel bad gas lighting knowing that if she made me feel bad I’d fuck her. I couldn’t take it anymore so I balled up my fist and knocked myself out. I hit myself so hard in the face I blacked out. I snapped out of it while she started to shake my body. She looked at me and I looked at her even in the dark I know we locked eyes. She hugged me and told me she’d never do that again. We had a talk and the conversation turned into how I was cheating ect. I never cheated on her. It happened once again in the summer. She started grabbing me I was actually asleep. He put her hand down the front of my pants and I knew it was time to just get it over with. We had sex for an hour before she ended up leaving for the night. I remember I fell asleep watching a new order vhs and it played in the background. While we had sex I took myself to another place trying to focus on the vhs. She preformed oral sex on me for half an hour and asked me why I wouldn’t cum. Eventually I lied there and masturbated in front of her. She got upset that she couldn’t make me cum and again told me she was sorry she wasn’t one of my exes. I let her finish me off into her mouth. She got up and went to the rest room and all I could think of was “it’s over.” She left that night i don’t know where she went but she wasn’t in bed when i woke up. Eventually she admitted to cheating on me and whatever it was over and done. She trashed my name with her friends and i moved away. No big deal I don’t care about any of that. I could go online and drop her name and post her deepest darkest secrets like she did to me but that isn’t who i am. I didn’t beg her to kill her self like she did to me. I never used homophonic slurs against her or lied on her name. I never talked to anyone about her let alone told anyone this. The events take took place made me fall into a deeper depressions and days went by. Eventually scaring me off from having any type of sexual connection with anyone. Years have gone by now since this has happened and she did reach out to me. We spoke on the phone and what surprised me was she brought up the night I hit myself and told me she finally understood what i was going through. To be so depressed that sex is the last thing in your mind. She told me she understood what it was like to be guilt tripped into sex and was sorry. She lives a good life now I imagine in a new state with her boyfriend. That’s fine I don’t care. She told me she has never talked about our relationship with him and again I don’t care. At the end of the day all I wish is that she took better care of herself. Her mental health. I wish that she never puts someone else in that position. I wish she is never put in that position. I wish no one would ever be in a situation like that.