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starsval · 10 months

Text

wonderland

remus lupin x reader

summary: you and remus find wonderland, or, you fall in love, even if it's not perfect.

word count: 7,7k

warnings: remus has a mullet because i said so, kissing, mentions of s*x lol, like, it happened, reader is pureblood so the cruciatus curse ig, punching, remus being mean, reader gets called a b*tch, lower case intended, no use of y/n

a/n: this took forever and i don't even think i like it, but still, thanks to @myriadmoons and @aastonishment for helping me writing this, love u<3

btw idk why i called this wonderland, it was originally called dancing with our hands tied but i didn't end up writing someone that fit, and for some reason there were lyrics of wonderland on the top of the document since i've been writing it so yeah

"how's my favourite girl doing?" sirius talks as he puts an arm over your shoulders, just as james takes the book out of your hands.

"sirius black and james potter talking to me when we're not at a pureblood party? what's happening?"

"don't be mean, you know we love you" james replies, putting the book behind his back, so you wouldn't be able to get it even if sirius let you go.

"we realised we rarely talk to you, which is sad because you're one of the only pureblood people we actually like" sirius then lets you go to play with your hair as he talks.

"so, we wanted to invite you to the party we're throwing tonight, at the gryffindor common room" james says, but he quickly looks behind you and his friend.

"you invite me to a party, so we can talk?" you ask, taking advantage of james' sudden distraction when regulus walks past to take your book back.

"yes, we want to get to know you" sirius is the one who talks now, unaware of the reason his friend suddenly stopped talking

"okay, i'll see you there" you tell them, walking away.

"what? really? was it that easy?" sirius asks, shocked.

"yes, i'll see you there, bye"

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"they don't know that you always go to the parties?" lily asks as she puts on her earrings, looking on your mirror.

"i tend to hide from them" you tell them from your bed.

"why?" she questions, you shrug, unable to give her an answer.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"so, what's your type?" sirius finds you while you were choosing something to drink.

"what?" you ask him, accepting the drink he recommends you.

"what kind of person do you like, men, women, tall, short?"

"tall skinny men with messy mullets, when it looks like they'll break if you breathe too hard on them?" sirius' eyes seem to light up with your answer.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"she's just like you, she likes books and stuff, i swear you'll like her" sirius insists, following remus through the hall, heading to the library.

"books and stuff? that's all you know about me?"

"i'm telling you i found your soulmate and you care about that?"

"yes."

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you were in the library, focused on your book when three people sat on your table. you look up to find sirius, james and who you know is called remus, maybe your eyes focus on the last one for a bit when sirius talks.

"we need help" he says, pulling out a book.

"what?" you ask, uninterested in anything they have to say.

"we need help, you're like the smartest person we know" this time james is the one who talks.

"and why would i help you?"

"because you're a good person?" you don't change your expression "and we'll buy you chocolate the next time we go to hogsmeade"

"help with what?" this time, the boy that caught your eye talks.

"we need to learn how to do this charm" he points to the book, and maybe you look at his hand before reading the words he's pointing to. you also notice how sirius and james smile when remus talks.

"why would you need to know how to turn someone's clothes pink, permanently?" you ask, they all look at each other before looking at you. you sigh "why would i know how to do this?"

"i'd quite fall in love with you if you did" sirius talks. "but you're smart, you'll be able to learn it" you start packing your things. "is that a yes?"

"what do i win?" you ask, already standing.

"chocolate" you start to walk away, leaving the book there. "we'll give you alcohol at the next pureblood party" you smile before grabbing the book.

"i'll tell you as soon as i get it"

they all hear you say goodbye to peter before he sits.

"why did she talk to you?" james asks.

"we're friends?" peter explains, getting started with his homework.

"soooo… do you like her?" sirius asks remus, who just rolls his eyes before getting up.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

the next time he sees you, you're walking to him, who's reading at the library. you put the book with the charm before him, and quickly sit besides him.

"i know how to do the charm… " you wait for him to introduce himself.

"remus, remus lupin" he answers, putting his book aside.

"remus, right" you talk, like you didn't know his name before.

you explain how to do it, and after he gets the theory right, all there's left to do is practise it.

"i'll do one of his socks and you'll do the other one" you point at snape, who has glared at you since you've been here.

"i didn't expect you to be like this" remus says, smiling, before slowly pulling out his wand.

"what did you expect?"

"i don't know, sirius and james don't usually talk about you"

"i wonder why" you smile, before quietly charming one of snape's socks, turning it bright pink. "your turn"

remus copies your actions, successfully turning snape's left sock pink. you look at each other, quietly laughing, and quickly pack your things so you can walk out before he notices.

you walk next to him in the hallway, though neither of you know where you're going.

"what do you need the charm for?" you ask him.

"we're pranking someone" he explains.

"should i be scared?" you question and he chuckles.

"no, your clothes will be safe"

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

the next time you talk, he's the one who approaches you.

"can i sit here?" he points at the chair next to you "i want to study but they're being to loud" you nod, and you talk as he sits.

"why don't you do a silent charm on them?" he chuckles.

"they'll find a way to be even louder"

and that's how it starts, neither of you know why, but since then, we you enter the library, you immediately look for each other.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"you're the one who did that research on werewolves aren't you? teachers don't stop talking about how good it is" some guy asks you as he stands in front of you, the table in between you two.

"yes" he was one of those pureblood guys, who only cared about their status.

"you didn't talk about them being bad people" you stare at him, trying to find out why he's telling you that. "i just thought you'd like someone to tell you about your mistake"

"it's not a mistake, they aren't bad people" you tell him.

"well, then you're wrong, they're obviously bad" he rolls his eyes, like it's obvious that he's right.

"did you just come here to talk shit about werewolves?" you focus on your homework, mentally aiming in case you have to throw something at him.

"no, i came here to see if you were a respectable pureblood, but let me guess, you fight for elves' rights too?" he seems upset with you, but he doesn't leave, instead, he looks at you like a challenge.

"what, you want me to join your cause too and fight for arseholes' rights? maybe we should put your face on the banner so they know how one looks" you smile sarcastically at him.

"what is wrong with you? i just wanted to let you know that werewolves are bad and you're being a bitch" he seems actually upset, his superior grin gone now.

"oh, so you were looking out for me? what would I do without people minding my business? now just shut up and maybe look into your prejudices instead of my life" you stop looking at him.

"how can you think that they aren't bad? i thought you were smart" now he seems offended that you aren't like he imagined, but maybe he thinks that he can change you, because he smiles again.

"sorry to disappoint you. and, something can be dangerous but good at the same time, just because they have claws doesn't mean they'd stab you, but maybe a girl who’s been bothered by you will" you say, as his eyes go to the pen on your hands.

“did you just threaten me?” he has the audacity to look offended as he talks.

“i don’t know, did i? a bitch like me wouldn’t know” you smile, faking innocence.

"you’re fucking crazy” he mutters as he turns around.

when he leaves -not before insulting you again-, neither of you notice a certain tall guy, with scars on his face and a knitted sweater standing around a bookcase, listening to all the conversation.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you don’t know how, but james and sirius convinced you to hang out with the marauders, maybe the mention of some boy with honey eyes and a mullet, but still. you find yourself on the gryffindor common room, listening to them as they tell you about their best pranks.

and remus must’ve sensed that you’re cold, because the next thing you know is that hes handing you his sweater.

“what?” you ask him

"you're cold" he shrugs.

"but, what about you?" you question, not taking the sweater.

"i'm fine, just put in on love" you obey, thanking him before looking back at james and peter, acting as you're not noticing sirius' smile.

when you finally get up to go back to your room, while peter, james and sirius are too distracted talking to frank, you take of the sweater and hand it to remus.

"what?" he asks, frowning.

"it's yours"

"you can give it to me other day"

"but i won't need it"

"love, just let me have an excuse to talk to you" he tells you, and you stop for a moment before answering, not believing him.

"you don't need an excuse to talk to me" he smiles.

"keep it anyway"

"if you insist" he kisses your cheek goodbye, and that night you're only thinking about him.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"please just this once" james asks, and it looks like he's actually going to beg you to help them.

"i don't have time for pranks" you walk away, and the four marauders immediately follow you.

"you just need to distract him" sirius talks, walking to stand in front of you.

"and why would i do that?" you ask, going around him.

"because you appreciate our friendship?" this time is peter who talks, and you actually think about it for a second.

"i don't-" before you can finish, remus intervenes.

"love, just this once, okay? then we won't bother you" and you know it's not true, that they will bother you. but every doubt you had disappeared as soon as he talked. so you nod.

"where is he?"

and that's how you find yourself talking to binns, asking him about his class, solving questions you never had.

then you see remus walking towards you, looking so innocent, and you keep nodding at binns, like you're so interested in what he's saying.

when he turns around due to the sound of an explosion that you definitely had no idea about, remus walks next to you, grabbing your hand, and suddenly you're running down the hallway next to him.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

remus’ face is so close to yours that your noses are practically touching as you giggle.

“why are we hiding?” you ask, a smile not leaving your face and his hand not letting go of yours.

“because, certain friends of ours are bothering me" he closes his eyes, his forehead on yours as he talks.

"what if they're not bothering me?" you joke, sarcasm in your tone.

"oh, so you're saying I dragged you into this cupboard?" he pulls away, his hand on your chest as he acts offended.

"yes, i didn't expect this behaviour from you, lupin" he rolls his eyes at the mention of his last name, as you laugh.

"then leave" he challenges, but his hand doesn't let go of yours.

"ok" you say, but you don't move.

when you walk out of the cupboard, both of you hear people talking.

"do you think they're dating?"

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you're just peacefully lying on your bed, reading a book remus had lent you when someone opens your door. you assume it's one of your roommates when that someone approaches you, grabs the book from your hands, and turns you so you're on your back. just to lie on top of you.

"hi" you say, not sure what to do when he puts his head on your chest and closes his eyes.

"hi love" he replies. and after a while he lifts his head, grabs your hand and puts it on his hair.

"what are you doing?" you question him.

"touch my hair" he demands, and you don't, just to mess with him.

"what if i don't want to?" you smile, and he groans.

then, when he notices that you're being serious, he puts his head up once again, this time to glare at you.

he repeats his actions and puts your hand on his hair, and closes his eyes again.

"don't move"

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"what did you do?" you ask remus as he sits in your bed.

"they were talking shit" he says as you go to the bathroom to look for the first aid kit you keep in there.

"you got into a fight because they were talking shit?" you stand in front of him, in between his legs.

he doesn't answer, instead, he winces when you start cleaning his face.

"remus?" you insist, waiting for an answer

"yes?" he acts oblivious, though it doesn't last much, as you start cleaning his face again, you mutter a quiet sorry before talking again.

"why the fuck did you get into a fight?"

"they were talking sh-" you glare at him.

"lupin"

"last name basis?" he tries to smile at you, but you turn his face to the side so you can look at the bruise forming on his cheek.

"yes, answer" he sighs before talking.

"i told you, they were talking shit" you keep glaring at him until he talks again "they were talking shit about you"

you stop moving for a second, processing the information.

"you got into a fight because they were talking shit about me?"

"yes" he stares at you, waiting for a reaction.

"are you fucking stupid?"

"maybe that wasn't the reaction i expected" he mutters to himself.

"you are actually stupid" you don't talk again, you just focus on cleaning his face, which means he has a lot of time to talk.

"what did you want me to do? i just couldn't stand there as he was saying how you were a bitch and shit like that" he groans when you don't answer "i warned them, i said that if they didn't stop i'd punch them"

"oh, you warned them, how nice" you reply, sarcastically.

"don't be mad at me, please" he wraps his arms around your legs, and puts his head on your stomach.

"what do you want me to do?" you put your hand on his hair.

"i don't care, just don't be mad at me"

"oh, so i should just congratulate you? thank you so much remus for defending me, should i kiss you to show my gratitude?"

"you could kiss me, not because of that, but you could" you don't even acknowledge him as you walk to the bathroom to throw away everything you used to clean his face.

when you come back, he's in front of you, touching your cheek as he talks.

"you're not gonna say anything?" he asks, as you try your best to not look away from his eyes.

"about what?" he chuckles, but doesn't move his hand away from your face.

"about the fact that i said that you could kiss me" you fail your goal, because your eyes immediately go to his lips. and of course, he notices.

"what do you want me to say?" you ask, rolling your eyes at his smirk.

"i think the question is what i want you to do"

"you just got into a fight" you remind him.

"just because you're mad doesn't mean you can't kiss me"

"i know"

and you really know, so you kiss him. and it starts as a sweet kiss, slow, just to prove that it's real. but then one of his hands goes to the back of your neck and the other cups your jaw.

your hands go to the back of his neck, finding balance when he pulls you closer to him.

you pull away for a second, breathing heavily as you look at each other's eyes.

"we shouldn't do this" you remind him.

"i know" he says, slowly walking so you have to walk back.

"i'm still mad at you" you tell him, sitting in your bed, looking up at him.

"i got into a fight because of you and you say that?" he smirks, pushing you so you have no choice but to lie down.

one of his knees rests in between your legs, his hands on both sides of your head. your hands go to the back of his neck again.

"you wound me" he tells you, before kissing your neck.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you had plans today, it was friday and you had no classes after lunch, so you were gonna start getting ready and maybe drinking with the girls before going to the party the gryffindor were hosting.

but those plans got a bit ruined when you got a letter from your family during lunch, which usually meant bad news.

you don't really remember a lot from the letter, all you know is that you had two choices: marrying barty or getting disowned.

after reading the letter, all you can do is put it in your pocket and try to stop the tears coming from your eyes. you don't even look at your friends or at the food that remus put on your plate. instead, you think about the words you just read.

"i have to go" you suddenly get up, grab your things and walk away, not noticing the concerned looks on your friends faces, especially on remus'.

they all stare at you as you walk out the great hall.

you find an empty hall and sit in one of the windows, finally letting out the tears. you don't long how long you stay like that, but suddenly someone walks next to you.

"hey, hey, it's okay, it's okay" all you notice are the tears running down your face, and remus' arms around you. as he holds you and tells you that everything is fine.

once you calm down, he waits a bit to ask

"what happened? do you wanna talk about it?" he asks, and you don't even look at him, not wanting to see the worry in his eyes.

"no, it's okay" he seems disappointed with your answer, but doesn't stop rubbing your back "thank you"

"it's nothing" he tries to find something to say, something to comfort you, but before he can even think of anything, you get up.

"you're going to the party, right?" you look at him, drying your tears.

"are you gonna go?" he asks, frowning.

"yes" he seems a bit surprised, because now you're smiling.

"then yes" you smile even more at his answer.

"i'll see you there" you give him a quick peck on his cheek before walking away.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

the next time remus sees you, you're dancing, lily and marlene next to you.

he stands away for a bit, not in the mood to dance, but when he sees you're gonna refill your cup for the fifth time since he has been there. he decides to approach you.

"hi" he says, standing next to you.

"hi remus" you smile at him, drinking from your now full cup.

"how many of those have you had?" he asks.

"i don't know, seven, maybe eight? who cares" you tell him, holding his hand and dragging him to the dance floor, but he quickly redirects you to one of the sofas.

"i do, you're gonna pass out if you keep drinking" he says as he tries to get the cup from your hand, but you quickly move your hand away and frown.

"i'll be okay"

"no you won't"

"i'm not even that drunk"

"you saw sirius and called him reggie" you smile, remembering the horrified look in sirius' eyes.

"they look alike" you shrug.

"you should stop drinking"

"i'll be okay" he tries to reply, tries to tell you that maybe you won't, but you get up, and before he can even stand up, you get lost among the people.

the next time he sees you, you're on the couch, head in your hands as you try to stop the tears from your eyes.

remus sits next to you. a hand on you back as he leans to see your face.

"are you drunk?" you nod "do you want to go to sleep" you nod, so he gets up and holds your hand, making your way through the crowd.

once you reach the hall, he doesn't let go of your hand. he notices that something's wrong, he notices that you haven't complained to sirius about being in a pureblood family, like you do each time you receive a letter from them. he notices that you're trying not to cry. he notices that you're barely holding his hand, maybe it's because you're drunk or you're too sad to.

and he wants to say something, he wants to help. but he decides to wait until you're in your room. he helps you get your makeup off and change into your pjs. he's folding your clothes while you're sitting on the side of your bed when he hears smalls sobs.

he immediately sits next to you, drying your tears.

"it's okay, everything will be alright" he hugs you, mentally cursing when you shake your head.

"you don't get it" you tell him, in between sobs.

"then explain it to me" he says, wondering if it's the same thing as what happened at lunch.

"i can't" you sigh, pulling away from him as you dry your tears.

"yes you can, i want to help you" his hands go to your face, holding you.

"you can't-" you insist, putting your hands over his.

"please let me help"

"remus-"

"i don't care if it's hard, i want to help" he insists, staring at your eyes.

"let's sleep" he knows better than to insist more, so he just lets you sleep.

when you wake up, you don't talk, you just walk with him to breakfast, and when you're finished, you walk away, not letting him know where you're going.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

"i don't know what's happening in between us, but-" you look away from his eyes "i can't do this"

"what?" he asks, praying that he's dreaming, or that it's a bad joke, praying that you're not breaking up with him, even if you're not together.

"what did i do? what happened?" he tries to find your gaze.

"you didn't do anything, i just can't" i have to marry someone else.

"let me fix it, whatever i did, let me fix it, you can hate me but don't go away"

"i'll probably leave school as soon as i can" you admit, you don't even know why, you just don't want to disappear without explanations.

"what? no, you can't leave" he panics, he looks around trying to find someone laughing at him. he doesn't.

"i'm sorry" you talk, unable to look at his eyes.

"don't, please, don't apologise" he says, grabbing your hands, in case you want to run away.

"i'm so sorry" you repeat.

"you don't have to do that" he insists, because he doesn't want to lose you.

"i don't want to hurt you" you tell him, thinking about the letter your parents just sent you, thinking about your future, which is already decided, not by the stars, but by your family.

"then stay, stay here, with me" he pulls your hands, so your bodies are closer.

"you know i can't" you lament, even though he doesn't know that much.

"yes you can, you just have to try" he suddenly lets your hands go, taking a step away from you. and you try to get mad at him, but you can't, not when he's looking that hurt, hurt by you.

"remus-" you try to get him to listen, maybe if he gives you a chance, you'll show the letter to him, you'll explain everything to him. how you have no choice but to listen to your parents.

"are you even sorry? you don't seem to have tried to stay" you know he doesn't mean it, he knows he doesn't mean it. but it's better that way, it'll be easier if he's mad at you. so you don't answer. you just stare at him.

"you're not gonna answer?" he asks, tears on the corner of both of your eyes. "i thought you liked me" you swear you can feel your heart break as the words leave his mouth.

"i do-" he cuts you off.

"then why don't you stay? is it just a game to you? you wanted to play with me?" he keeps talking, he tries to stop, he wants to, but the hurt in his heart makes him keep going.

"i didn't, remus, it's not that easy" you tell him, begging him to understand.

"i never said i wanted things to be easy. especially not with you" he fights the urge to walk away, thinking that maybe there's a chance that you'll change your mind.

"i don't want to hurt you" you repeat, maybe more to remind you than to him.

"you're already hurting me"

"you have to understand"

"when you defended werewolves from that guy you already knew i was one didn't you? maybe he was right and you're a bitch after all, did you tell him that just to shag me?" he doesn't even blink as he talks, pretending he's not mad at himself right now, even more than with you.

"you don't mean that" you say as the tears fall from your eyes.

"oh, i do" that's what it takes for him to finally walk away, letting the tears out of his eyes.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you couldn't focus, it was all too much. the pain from the unforgivable curse, the sadness from your own family doing that, the realisation that you could never go back to your house.

all you could do is try to not pass out as you walk to the potter's mansion.

once you reach their door, and ring it, you wait. you don't know if it was ten seconds, ten minutes or even ten hours. all you know is that when james opens the door, you practically throw yourself at him, who catches you as he calls for his parents.

"i'm sorry" you whisper in between sobs.

"it's okay, you'll be okay, everything's going to be fine" james tries to not show the concern on his voice, he really tries, but everyone must've sense it, because remus, sirius and peter quickly appear, staring at you as effie kneels down next to you.

when you finally pass out, all you know is that it hurts, everything hurts.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you wake up with effie folding clothes next to you.

"oh hi sweetie, how are you feeling?" she immediately sits next to you, touching your forehead to check your temperature.

"good" you answer, quietly.

"you have clothes here, you can take a shower and i'll make dinner" she walks to the door as you sit up.

"effie, thank you so much, you don't have to do this, i'll be okay"

"we'll talk later" she doesn't give you room to talk, instead, she leaves after giving you a smile.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

effie and fleamont sit in front of you as you eat, staring at you and then at each other.

"we want you to stay here" fleamont is the first to talk as soon as you finish eating.

"what? no, i can't, i'll find somewhere to stay"

"no, you'll stay here, we have your room ready" effie insists.

"i can't"

"sweetie, there's no way to stop this now, the faster you accept it the better" fleamont talks as effie gets up and tells you to follow her to show you your room.

they leave you a moment to see your room before walking in.

"thank you so much" you say before they hug you, drying your tears before they fall on your face.

"it's okay honey, you'll be fine" they assure you before walking out of the room. "and, by the way, the boys are sleeping, we'll tell them to come here when they wake up, they're really worried"

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

he thinks it's unfair, remus thinks that it's unfair that you're talking to peter like nothing happened, that you're playing quidditch with james and sirius like you weren't crying in his arms just a few weeks ago. he thinks it's unfair that you haven't even glanced at him. he thinks it's unfair that you look like nothing ever happened, he hates that you're acting like everything it's okay, like you're not hurt by your family, by his words.

he also thinks he's being selfish, by slightly hoping that you're as hurt as him. that you think of him as much as he thinks of you. he hopes that you also have the urge to go to his room in the middle of the night. he hopes that you're as jealous as he is when someone starts flirting with you at the party james organised at his house.

but he also thinks that none of it it's possible, that you look way too happy to be thinking of him, that if you're planning on getting drunk, you definitely don't want his help.

he doesn't know if it was between staring at you as you flirted back with that guy, or when he was searching for you while you were nowhere to be found. but he gets drunk.

and suddenly, all the doubts he had about you disappear, because you're next to him, rubbing his back and asking him if he's drunk. and you wouldn't help him if you hated him would you?.

he just stares at you as you hold his hand and make your way through the crowd, not so kindly pushing people who didn't move. you help him through the barrier james magically applied on the stairs so no one but his friends could walk upstairs.

when you reach his room, you help him walk to his bed, which is kinda difficult seeing his stumbling tall figure. once he is in the safety of his mattress, you walk to the door, but his voice stops you.

"i can't sleep with my shirt on" when you turn around, he's smirking.

"then take it off" you turn your back to him again.

"i need help" when you turn around, not before rolling your eyes, he's giving you puppy eyes.

remus lupin. is. giving. you. puppy eyes.

"you aren't that drunk" you don't even move from the door.

"yes i am. you're really gonna leave me here, drunk and defenceless?" he lies back on his bed.

"are you trying to blackmail me?" you frown, leaning your back onto his closed door.

"is it working?" he asks, hoping it does.

"no" he sighs, before leaning on his elbows to look at you.

"c'mon love, just help me take my shirt off" you don't answer, instead, you just get closer to him, and help him sit up, once he is, he doesn't move, he just looks up at you.

"you're not gonna put your arms up?" you groan, frustrated, when he just smiles at you.

after a few minutes of work, due to his boycott, you finally take his shirt off, throwing it aside before walking away.

or that's what you try, because before you can even turn around, his arms are around you. and you don't know how he's so strong, or why you didn't try to fight back more, maybe it was the alcohol. but before you notice it. you're on the bed next to him, and he's hugging you so tight that you have no choice but to fall asleep.

when you wake up he's still hugging you, luckily not as strong as last night, so you can get up and slowly walk to the door, quietly closing it and making the way to your room.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

remus is almost convinced that it was a dream, he thinks he imagined everything when he wakes up and you're not there, he thinks it was his mind tricking him when you sit next to marlene at breakfast. even though he purposely left the sit next to him free.

he's basically drowning in his tea when marlene says something that makes him look at you.

"where were you last night? you left soon" he stares at you, noticing the way your eyes linger at him for a moment before saying that you were tired. and it would be childish for him to admit that it made him happy, that he doesn't even notice the hangover now, that he's smiling so much that even effie asked him about it.

and it would be even more childish to admit that he's been giving james the idea to throw another party just before holidays end, that he doesn't need to invite anyone, just the group of friends it's okay. and who is james to say no to a party?.

he spends more time that he wants to admit staring at you. as you talk to lily and mary, as you almost make sirius drop his drink, as you hug james. and especially, as you ignore him. so he does what he knows will make you talk to him, getting drunk.

it follows the same order as the other night. you approach him, lead him upstairs and help him get ready to bed.

"why did you leave?" he asks, holding your wrist after you tried to walk to the door. he sees how you think about the answer. and to be honest, he didn't think he was ready to hear it.

"because that's what a bitch would do" you break free from his grip and walk to the door. he just stays there as you go back downstairs.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

the next morning, no one knows why remus looks so miserable, why he's being so grumpy to everyone, except you. why he's putting food on your plate, why he's making everyone put on the movie you want to see.

they also don't know why you're ignoring him, why you offered the plate to james, why you changed your mind and told marlene to decide what movie to watch.

but you knew, you knew because you've been listening to him apologise every other minute, you've been listening to him knocking on your door every night. you've been reading his apology letters.

but that wasn't enough, because just two days before classes start again, he decides that he's had enough, and that he won't leave before giving you a proper apology. so he follows you to the kitchen when everyone is focused on the movie. and he stands on your way to the door so you have no choice but to listen.

"i didn't mean it, and you know that, you know i'd never think that. and i know it's not an excuse, but it was days before a full moon, and i wanted to hate you, i wanted to hate you for making me love you and then leaving me. and i wanted you to hate me because i wouldn't be able to be around you. and i'm so sorry, i'll do anything to take it back, i need you to understand that i didn't mean it, and that i'm so sorry i ever made you feel bad. there's no day i haven't thought about you, about how much i miss you, about how i ruined everything. so please, give me a second chance, i'll apologise every minute if i have to, i'll do anything for you to forgive me. because i don't think i can stand the thought of what we could've had if i hadn't ruined everything." he takes a deep breath "i'm so so so sorry"

and you know that you shouldn’t, that he’s hurt you as much as you’ve hurt him. but you’re both teenagers, you both make mistakes, and you both miss each other. so you do what everyone would’ve done in this situation, and hug him, breathing him in.

“does that mean you forgive me?” he asks.

“yes, i’m sorry” you close your eyes, your head in his chest.

“you have nothing to apologise for, love”

“yes i do-” he cuts you off by pressing a quick kiss to your lips.

“let’s just go to sleep”

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

you don’t know why james drags you from the kitchen, where you were talking with everyone, to your room, with the suitcase half done on the floor. you don’t know why he slams the door. or why he’s staring at you like you told him you forbade quidditch.

but then he talks.

“did you forgive him?”

and you remember the conversation you had with him after spending a few nights here.

“weren’t you two in love?” you’re on his bed, still not used to your new room, you’re both laying on your backs, him throwing his snitch and catching it.

“who?” you ask, staring at the ceiling.

“remus” he says it like it’s obvious, and it actually is.

“i don’t know” you shrug.

“what happened?” he asks.

“i ruined everything” you explain.

“that’s not true” he frowns.

“how do you know that?” you chuckle.

“you wouldn’t ruin anything” he says, so sincere.

“i was supposed to marry barty” the snitch falls and hits his face.

“what?!” he immediately sits up.

“so i told him i couldn’t do whatever we were doing"

"and he just accepted it?" he's frowning even more.

"he was sad at first, then mad, but he stopped talking to me, so it worked" you shrug again, and he gets closer to you.

"mad?"

"it's okay"

"i know how remus gets when he gets mad, did he say something to you?" he looks worried, already thinking about punching remus.

"nothing to bad, the normal when the person you're in love with and it's in love with you dumps you for no reason"

"what's the normal?" he questions.

"james, it's okay"

and with that beautiful flashback, you come back to an angry james in front of you.

"don't dare to move, i'll talk to you later, let me have a chat with remus first" he tries to get out of the room, but you stop him.

"james wait"

“stop trying to defend him, and don’t try to walk away, you won’t move until you tell me everything” he stands in front of you, arms crossed.

"james let me explain"

"you want to talk? talk, i'm not leaving until i know everything" he sounds determined, and you know that he won't stop until he knows everything.

"there's nothing to know, just leave it" you insist.

"what did he say to you?" he takes at step, so he's closer to you.

"james-"

"what did he say to you?"

"james, stop"

"now, i won't stop until you tell me what the fuck he told you, and why you're together with him after that"

"because it doesn't matter, it's already over"

"it doesn't matter?! you're saying it doesn't fucking matter? after weeks of seeing you miserable, and because of him?" he pinchs the bridge of his nose. "honestly, if you're not going to tell me what he told you, then don't even bother talking"

he tries to walk away, again, but you stand in front of the door.

"what's the point? i already forgave him, so, what are you going to do, make me leave him?" you question him, praying that he doesn't actually say yes.

"you don't know what i'm willing to do for you happiness" he tries to walk past you, but you don't move.

"please don't be mad at me"

"then tell me what he said to you" his eyes soften, looking at yours.

"why? what are you going to do about it?"

"it depends" he avoids your gaze.

"james."

"maybe punch him" he looks away.

"james"

"please tell me what he said" he asks, this time softer.

and you don't know why, maybe it's the look on his eyes, or the fact that you know he wouldn't let it go until you did. but you say everything to him, from how you approached him, how you were both almost crying, how he walked away.

and it takes him a moment to react, he's sitting in your bed, and you immediately get up to stand in front of him.

"james…" he gets up.

"i need to have a chat with remus" he tries to walk past you, but you don't let him.

"james."

"what?"

"please, just, stay here with me. you can help me pack" you give him your best puppy eyes until he agrees, sitting on the floor next to you, passing you clothes as you put them in your suitcase.

‧₊˚ 🌕⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

and it all looked perfect. it seemed like james had already forgotten everything by the time dinner is ready. and it seems like he's really happy when he suggests to watch a movie.

but then something changes. maybe it was remus' hand on your tight, or the fight scene on the movie. but the next thing you know, is that there's a fist right in remus' face. and that fist belongs to james.

"you said you wouldn't do anything!" you immediately get up, putting yourself in front of remus, while sirius and marlene pull james back.

"i had to!" he says.

"james!" you fight the urge to roll your eyes.

"i'm sorry! but i couldn't help it! i had to do something about it!" he explains.

"about what?" lily asks, and you stiffen, looking at james with wary eyes.

"yes, about what?" james asks you, and you glare at him as mary and peter take care of remus' face.

"about nothing" you immediately say, backing up as they all stare at you.

and they're complaining about it as soon as you say it, but remus stops them.

"about me hurting her" no one knows how to react, you just stare at him as he stretches his neck.

"you fucking hurt her?" lily talks, walking towards him, and it seemed like she had the intention of repeating james' actions. so you step in front of her.

"it's all forgotten, there's no reason to punch anyone" you stare at james "especially when you promised you wouldn't"

"i'm sorry-" he tries to apologise.

"it's okay, i deserved it" remus talks.

"no you didn't?" you tell him, but he just smiles at you.

"i'm going to sleep"

you all stare at him as he walks upstairs, and when you turn around they're all staring at you.

"if i forgave him, you can do it too" you say, especially looking at james. "so, i hope you apologise to him, because he deserves it"

when you get to remus' room, he's looking at himself in the mirror.

"i'm sorry" you sneak in front of him, hugging him as you put your head in his chest.

"why" he chuckles, hugging you back.

"what do you mean why, are you stupid?" you questions him.

"love, it's not your fault" he smiles as you narrow your eyes at him. "i deserved it"

"shut up" you immediately pull away from him, storming out of the bathroom.

he grabs your wrist before you can walk out of the room, and as soon as he gets it his arms are around you.

"don't be mad at me" he pleads, and when you don't answer, his lips go to your cheek. "please"

when you don't answer he just keeps kissing you.

"please"

this time is your other cheek.

"cmon love"

your forehead.

"just talk to me"

your nose.

"please"

your lips

"love"

your neck.

and you know that he'll start going lower if you don't stop him. and you know that if he does you won't be mad anymore. so you pull away from him.

"you're stupid, remus lupin" you glare at him "if you ever say that you deserve any hurt ever again i'll be the one punching you instead of james. and i'll also cry"

"why would you cry?" he genuinely asks, putting one of his hands on your cheek.

"because you don't deserve anything bad remus. you're literally an angel"

"don't say that" you frown at him, and he looks away.

"remus, i mean it"

"i know" he puts his forehead on yours "that's why i don't want you to say it"

"why?"

"because it's gonna make me love you even more"

before you can answer, he's kissing you again, this time for real, when he pulls away, he stares at you.

"i know everyone already says that we're dating, but can we make it official?" his hands are on your cheeks, and he thinks that he's never been more nervous in his life.

"i'd love to" this time, you're the one who kisses him, and you stay like that for a while, in each other's arms. before someone knocks on the door.

when you open, you find james on the other side, with regret in his eyes.

"can i talk to remus?" you narrow your eyes at him as remus appears behind you.

"it's alright love"

you go to the living room with everyone, and before you know it, james and remus are walking in, talking and laughing.

everyone stares at them as they get closer to the couch.

"what?" they ask, staring back at you.

"everything's… fine?" lily asks, and when they both smile and nod, everyone smiles and cheers, a bit exaggerated.

remus sits next to you, putting and arm around you and kissing you.

and if before they were dramatic, now it's like their favourite team won the quidditch world cup.

"what?" this time remus and you ask, staring at them.

"you just kissed?" mary says, not believing it.

"yeah?" you answer.

"why" marlene asks, narrowing her eyes.

"we're dating" remus says, and the night ends between cheers, screams and hugs.

sirius and james even cry a bit, hugging each other while saying "finally!" "we did it!"

#young remus lupin #the marauders era #the marauders #young remus x y/n #remus lupin x reader #i love this #i hate this #i love remus lupin #remus x you #remus has a mullet #i think thats all #reader insert

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eosomit · 4 months

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<33333

#saiki k #aiura mikoto #digital art #fanart #my art #saiki #saiki no psi nan #saiki kusuo no ψ nan #i think thats all #anywayyyss im loving my painting style rn #and i really wanted to try my hand at mikoto bc i loveeeee the exaggeration of gyaru makeup

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toxooz · 7 months

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ALSO A SNEAK PEAK of the pinup print for the @cobooty-pinups charity event 🙌 YOU can pre-order the full thing starting at 5 pm / 17:00 GMT on October 1st!!

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sol-lar-bink · 1 month

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Was gonna post a full piece tonight buuut naw... I'll save it for tomorrow. In the meantime have some Halaro doodles.

Mars bar... my fave candy bar.

And a bit of his actual story playing out... Marx the master deceiver. In my mind Marx is still probably trying to do something sinister. After witnessing Star Dream, Marx might be thinking 'Oh damn I guess there's more of them out there? Just gotta find one... and a sucker to do the work for me!'

Halaro meanwhile- while dear Taranza has been struggling with grief still... a potential wish to grant their Queen back sounds too good to be true, right...?

#myart #halaro #marx kirby #floralian #kirby oc #kirbyocs #kirby #this also leads up to Halaro's 2nd meeting with Puffe (: and their forced teamwork #i think thats all #im tired af

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p2iimon · 3 months

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fnaf human character doodles

#fnaf #fnaf oc #bc max is here #henry emily #william afton #spring bonnie #michael afton #elizabeth afton #sammy emily #charlie emily #circus baby #i think thats all #maxwell dalton #i do do oc tags #simons spouting #oh i guess this is also my au LOL #simons fnaf au

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star-dust-no-name · 4 months

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°☆I come from the stars☆°

Prologue

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*✩‧₊˚

Murder drones x child reader (platonic)

Hypothesis: What if child reader came in the landing pod with J,V and N?

Gender neutral reader

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*✩‧₊˚

You can't remember much...appart from your life in the manor..you were practically raised by your older sister Tessa and her worker drones as your parents couldn't care less about your well-being.

In fact come to think of it you can't remember much about that day....

The day where that weird acting worker drone took over the manor.

All you could remember was being taken away from Tessa with her worker drones as well...but they looked different taller and equipped with more weapons then your 8 year old brain can comprehend. They weren't responding to your calls of their names.

They were placed in a different looking pod than you were.

Oh well atleast the stars look pretty though...don't they?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*✩‧₊˚

N opened his eyes with one mission...to kill all worker drones in sight...and also given another job as well...to take care of a human child?

Yeah no...he was confused and so were his newfound coworkers J and V.

Because when they landed they also immediately after found another landing pod which had YOU in it sleeping with a blanket and teddy bear...Now they were all standing confused looking at you because not only were they given one mission to kill all worker drones..they apparently had another mission and that was to take care of YOU?! A HUMAN CHILD?!

Congrats...on your new home.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*✩‧₊˚

Authors Note: Hello there...the names Stardust..ha so uhm welcome? This is my first post...I wrote this for fun and decided to post it here so uhm enjoy?

I am very very sorry for any spelling mistakes or if the characters don't act as they are intended to.

I'm not sure when part 1 will be posted let's just wait and see what my brain comes up with so uh haha...

Thank you for reading this trash and also reading my rambles have a good day or night! May the stars guide you!

-Stardust☆

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*✩‧₊˚

#serial designation n #serial designation v #serial designation j #murder drones #murder drones x reader #child reader #platonic #n x reader #v x reader #idk how to tag lol #gender neutral reader #wholesome #i think thats all

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samorsomethin · 7 months

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Hi hello!!! enjoy a woopy friend!!!

#wooper #pokemon #ive never used tumblr before #how many tags do i add #artwork #wooper art #yeahhh #i think thats all #inspired by that one post

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tac-bat · 1 year

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Why I hate how the elders are treated and misinterpreted in a big chunk of the fandom. Rant!

Before we start

I mention fat phobia, and talk about how certain hair types and cultural clothing is described as "food" as a response to what some of the elders are perceived by alot of the fandom. These comments are not only directed at some elders, but many folks who have gotten representation from them are also affected these comments that many thrown around freely.

I’m at my breaking point and will get heated on an array of things but I don’t care

You're entitled to your own opinion, even if i heavily disagree with it. If you don't wanna read then just scroll, because I will rip apart the interpretations I talk about under the read more tag.

If you "don't see this happening" or believe this "doesn't happen" that doesn't mean it didn't happen, Tumblr isin't the only social media I have. I've dabbled in the official Discord, on Instagram, and god forbid Pinterest too, i've seen it all.

Let’s go in order, most issues I have a bone to pick with are more prevalent in some elders more than others.

Daleth

They’re just forgotten, really. Even with knowing what Isle looked like before. Flourishing even, populated seen in the switch trailer and even making an appearance in the Auroras' concert for runaways, they’re pretty much never talked about. And if they are they're just kinda only the butt of pee-paw jokes

Ayin

Their characterization is just confusing to me. I've seen a lot of them portrayed as happy-go-lucky. I’m not saying they can’t be happy, but from what I’ve seen, that’s all they are to a lot of folks in the fandom that I’ve seen. Which really confuses me because in their cutscene they wake up in a daze, notice us, are sort of like "ah, hi," and get straight to work. And they’re gentle, tipping the pot to the butterfly they make to enter. But then there's their orbit cutscene, where they look tired and a tad grouchy after being woken up—not mean, just tired. Again, nothing wrong with it, but it’s pretty one-dimensional to me to just see them as all that.

On a more bitter note, i've seen alot of "fat jokes" or straight up fatphobia in art and comments alike about their body, "Why are they so fat?" -a comment i've actually seen in the discord regarding Ayin. it's disgusting.

Teth

I have so much shit to say about them.

They're not mean simply because they took your light.

"But they snatched it away." Motherfucker, you're looking surface level. THINK!

Imagine you're dead, stuck in limbo for god knows how long, rotting away without anything to do. And you enjoy building and creating, and you were possibly the catalyst for the production of darkstone; your temple could be a goddamn factory for it! So much so that your anvil and hammer are in your constellation; they're a part of you. It’s what you love. And now that you're dead, with no light to fuel, no life to live, forced to sit there with broken shards, it'd bore you, drain you. And then a child appears with a flame; and for the first time in thousands of years, if not more, you can create, build, make something.

And you do.

You take the light without a second thought, regaining your strength and setting to work to help this child pass through your realm to the other elder. You just put all your focus on making the diamond, and when you finish and are proud of it, you send it up to the sky. You’ve created again. And in your orbit cutscene, you're much gentler, no longer bound to that soul-sucking abyss of nothing, so you honour the children who gave you light, your gift. Taking your time and presenting it to them with grace.

That’s what Teth does; that’s what they do. Yes, they seem like a more serious person, but they’re in no way mean. Did they take your light away? Yes. But putting yourself in their shoes for just a moment can make you understand why.

Samekh

I love the twins; I’m a fan of them, and I love Sah in particular with all my being. Which is why this one I will get very passionate about.

It baffles me how those two got the impression of being idiots who share a single brain cell. I don’t mind the jokes, but some people think that’s all they are. Which is just so wrong, like? How can you be so wrong? Would a ruler who built their fucking realm, Valley Triumph of all names, in a goddamn mountains? Would the most prosperous, decorated, and successful realm be led by idiots? Let me repeat that, They built the realm Valley of Triumph, in the fucking MOUNTIANS! Do you know how hard it is to make a city that size in those conditions? MOUNTAINS ARE FUCKING BRUTAL, WITH LESS OXYGEN, EVEN LESS WITH MASK'S, AND FOR HOW UNPREDICTABLE THE WEATHER IS ITS INSANE. Yet valley thrived! They thrived in those mountains, creating impossible architecture, floating buildings, and sports ranging from sliding to flying to manta racing.

Would idiots who share a brain cell accomplish that? No! It's incredible what the twins achieve—an amazing realm and, in my opinion, the capital of the sky. Eden, on the other hand, seems more like a sacred place where you ascend. Not to mention the Citadel? Hello??? It's fucking fantastic; it's incredible how they created such a beautiful realm in the mountains. They wanted races; they got them; they wanted enrichment; they have theatre, gondolas, even the coliseum, and races too.

The twins can be silly and serious, and they are shown to have the same rivalry as all siblings do. But they are not dumb idiots, not in the least.

Tsadi

Tsadi, like Ayins, is just confusing. I’m not too well versed, but I’ve seen iterations of them where they side with "Resh," who is really just a concept art character that has definitely changed from the base game in concept art. Even then, they've never officially appeared in-game; you just have those statues in Wasteland. And in those interpretations of seeing Resh as a full-fledged character, they’re seen as "evil," which I don’t agree with at all. I mention them because most of the time, Tsadi would side with Resh in the war to mant; them seeing Resh as pro-Darkstone in the war (the diamonds Teth makes, and that we light up, basically the main power source for sky), this would imply Tsadi destroyed their realm because they followed the "king." However, their sun shield is right there; based on the memories of wounded warriors, it shows that they were on the "sun side" of their friend. If they we're pro darkstone and was on the same side as the hypothetical "king" wouldn't they have a diamond shield?

"But the spear falling in warrior's and seeds memory could be them," would you expect Tsadi to attack their own realm, where civilians are in warrior memory? Attack their own PEOPLE for the reasons I stated above?

Lamed

Like most of the elders, they're pretty much forgotten. And frankly, I haven’t seen any character interpretations that stick out, so their section is more about how they’re mistreated. Mostly on their headscarf, which is confirmed to be based off a hijab by one of the devs, Ash. Who explains why we should be respectful about it.

And god, so many POC deal with shit already because their hair or cultural clothing are described as food or even worse which many hate. It's disheartening to see almost every joke or comparison refer to Lamed being an "Egg".

More stuff that piss me off

"Bad rulers"

I despise when folks call the elders "evil" or "bad rulers," not seeming to care for their people or even being seen as lazy, which baffles me. Have you watched the vault cutscene?

ALL OF THEM ARE ASSISTING ANCESTORS, AND EVERYONE IS LEADING, GUIDING, OR CREATING THINGS FOR THE ANCESTORS IN SOME WAY.

For fuck's sake, Flight Guide is Ayin's apprentice! Would someone who doesn't care about their people bother with an apprentice? Even a flight guide shares the same pattern on their pants as Ayin, and the same pattern on the flight post's. It's ridiculous how folks can spew the most disproven zero reading comprehension ever when this shit is right here.

And they're not saints; they made mistakes, of course, but I see them wanting the best for their people and the kingdom. But in the process, they made huge mistakes that piled up and spilled over, resulting in the kingdom's downfall. But it wasn’t done out of malice; they tried and messed up big time, but they weren't evil, not one bit.

How many treat Lamed and Teth when it comes to shipping

I can’t stop who you ship; as long as it’s not weird and illegal, it’s whatever for me. Some pairs are not for me because of personal preferences/ familial head cannons, but I do dabble in ships. Yet it’s more mellowed out to me just saying "cute" when I see fanart and moving on. But it irritates me that when Teth or Lamed are shipped with most people, they appear to be more submissive in some ways. I’m not saying they can’t be happy, but to me, in so much ship art, it seems like just because they look more feminine, they’re suddenly almost always a blushing or shy mess, or (and I hate to use this term) a tsundere for Teth in some other cases. But that’s completely my biased opinion.

Fucks sake in my earlier time in the fandom, I was a Lamed/Tsadi fan, but again, it’s mellowed out to me just seeing fanart and thinking it's cute and moving on if it comes naturally. But I didn’t make one meek and the other an alpha male or some dumb shit when I used to draw them as I've seen many do. I mention this because I can see some folks calling me hypocritical for pointing this out. But the reason it irritates me is when Teth or Lamed are paired with someone (who often appears to be masc) almost always seem out of character simply because they're with said person. Which rubs me the wrong way since they are usually almost always seen as fem presenting in many folks eyes. Again, I don't have an issue with the pairs themselves; it just irks me when only their personalities seem to be changed for the sake of it, where it's just out of character.

How some elders greatly overshadow others and leave them in the dust

I'm guilty of this, fucks sake most of my content is twin stuff. And while I can feed on alot of twin content here, many folks who are fans of any other elder's barely get crumbs, even less so with Daleth, Ayin, And Lamed who are pretty much left do the dust. Which I hate because i know why.

The reason, Twins and Teth and even Tsadi are so popular when they others aren't is because they're "conventionally attractive", all are fit, all are gorgeous and can be attractive to many. Yet so can the others be appreciated, yet they aren't. Again, i know a hypocrite because of my blog being mostly twin stuff, yet even blogs like mine that don't focus on a single elder barely draw Daleth, Ayin, and Lamed. It sucks ass.

I think that’s all. I’m just sick of how the elders are treated by everyone.

#i was talking with some friends how the elders are treated by the fandom and im just so done #so i wrote this #isle elder #prairie elder #forest elder #valley elders #valley twins #wasteland elder #vault elder #sky elders #sky cotl #skyblr #sky children of the light #sky: children of the light #sky: cotl #tac rambles #fatphobia #i think thats all

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rourk · 2 months

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doodle danger noodle ft. red

#ava/m #art #ava #avm #animator vs animation #avm red #animator vs minecraft #alan becker #i think thats all #first post be nice please :(

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prettyboykatsuki · 1 year

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IM ASKING YOU TO WRITE THE CHILDE FIC ZERO IM ASKING x1000000!!!

the blizzard and the storm | tartaglia / childe (ajax)

✭ tags ; extremely dark content ahead, dead dove do not eat, mother/son incest / hard incest, noncon, spanking, mentioned domestic abuse (nothing graphic) and explicit alcoholism (his dad is the bad guy here), canon adjacent but not compliant (spoiler warnings for his background), violence and murder etc etc. 18+

PLEASE HEED THE TRIGGERS.

✭ wc ; 3.5k (????)

✭ a/n ; this one is pretty bad man. sorry about that. but exploring this dynamic with him was very interesting. also the different usage of childe and ajax r intentional here

✭ synopsis ; to be a twisted son means to be born to a mother who loves you. if you're ajax, anyway.

The blizzards of Snezhnaya are ceaseless.

Ruthless and violent. The winds that touch the barren lands are so strong and mighty that they are near impossible to brave. The snow comes down so thickly that the world is painted in white for miles to see. If you leave just a little outside the city, you must prepare to remain indoors for days.

Even if you were to break your back trying to clear it, the next day it would pour heavier. A relentless storm. The dirtied tracks of snowboots and handprints are gone, desolate underneath them. You could dig for days but the frostbite would riddle you sick before you made it out alive.

Nothing changes the color of a snow like that. When winter comes, it buries everything that attempts to defy it. It is cold and unforgiving.

Childe knows this better than anyone. He grew up along side it, the knowledge engraved in his skeleton - he could feel the chill of winter all the way in spring when he was a boy. Hairs stood on the back of his neck as he pictured the days to come - chopping wood and hauling them on his back. To keep the fires lit and his sibling alive. Bartering with neighbors for keeps, for food and grain before the storms took over again.

Childe does not regard the winters of his adolescence fondly.

A decade of trying to survive them sours the memory like a whiskey gone off. Perhaps they could be, if you hailed from Inazuma where the snow is no less than decoration, or Mondstat where spring comes just as often. But in Snezhnaya, winter was war torn. It was hungry.

What an unpleasant childhood it had been. For as long as he could remember - winter had been a game of survival. At 7, he'd picked up glass shards off the kitchen floor from where his father had smashed glass bottles of gin. At age 9, he had learned from a doctor how to suture with sewing thread just in case and what liquor is best to pour over wounds in case to prevent infection.

His father was an unpleasant man. A fool-hardy one. Though he wasn't always. During the years he was able to adventure and come back to boast - Childe would even describe him as fatherly. They would fish while young Childe(though then he was Ajax) would listen, eager to hear the tales from beyond seas.

It's just that when a man born for freedom is trapped, he retaliates against what he believes are his chains.

For his father, that had been that crooked house with walls that moaned in pain. It had been you, his mother, who spoke meekly and softly no matter what pain befell her.

His father was an unpleasant man during winter. Childe cannot recall each instance of it. Just that the shattered glass of his memories painted him as a monster. A violent alcoholic, a boastful and arrogant bastard.

A man unworthy of you. One who raised his hand at him often. Who raised his hand at you, his loving mother, even more.

The first time Childe tasted bloodlust, he was 10. He remembers it vividly, so much so he often dreams he is back in that kitchen. In a small cottage, with a butchers knife trembling in his palm and anger coursing through him. That night, had he not heard your weeping cry of solace as you lay in bed alone, his father would've been dead 4 years earlier.

Instead, he crawled into bed with you. Nursed the bruise on your cheek - his poor, poor mother. By then he was still small. Stronger than you though. He wiped your tears and apologized. Said he'd take care of breakfast tomorrow, to which you only laughed.

All you had was each other. Some of his siblings hadn't been born yet, and they were too young to understand it all. Childe only had you. And you only had him. His mother who loved him. Who called him starlight or dear boy as often as his name.

(He loved how you uttered his name, so softly. Ajax. Like you chose it. Like you wished for him)

His mother who was lovely and bright, like a star falling against the snow.

Childe has loved no such thing as you. Had it not burdened you if his father died, he would've buried him years ago.

But he waited. Bared his teeth for many years. Killer instinct might be the right way to describe it.

It handn't been time.

When Childe was 14, he got lost in the forest. He disappeared for three days and encountered the Abyss. In the forest, alone with nothing but a cruel swordsman and rage - he had gained strength that he had longed for so desperately his whole life.

In this way, unmistakably, he was so much like his father. The ambition in his heart was so hard and heavy that Childe could not remain the same after looking at it.

(Even as a Harbinger, he cannot recall the extent of this darkness. Only that at the time it felt righteous and true. If this was the doing of destiny, then Childe was always meant to be a weapon of war.)

In the Abyss, times passes slowly. 3 months entrenched in vile, filthy ambition had only been 3 days. When he had returned, his mother had a fresh bruise on her eye and his sister wept for a week.

He did not came back the same.

Where he used to meek or quiet, he had become hostile and arrogant. He was strong. Strong enough to intimidate. Clever enough to lure people to their death. The summer he turned 15, he had gotten into so many altercations - he would lick the blood in his mouth pre-emptively so it didn't spill on the clothes you lovingly tailored for him.

Darkness was a powerful force. A welcome one. The world was bigger than the winters of Snezhnaya and Childe could no longer deny that truth.

A man who yearns for freedom retaliates against his chains. Childe could no longer tolerate the presence of his father.

(During his training, his mentor drew a sword to the tip of his throat. And Childe felt his breath hitch in excitement, but not fear. A rumbling voice of a masked soldier echoed in his ears.

"Ajax," He had said, cold and low "What do you wish for?"

He laughed and leaned his head back against the hard floor.

"Power," He said, clearly and starkly - a headrush of euphoria as he wiped blood from his nose "And..."

"And?"

"To take my Fathers place," He says, with less hesitance that he expected, too restless to pretend "To make my mother mine alone."

"What a twisted boy you are, Ajax."

He laughs "You wouldn't understand, Master. What it's like to be so twisted and know you'll always be loved.")

Childe, upon his return, no longer tolerated anything. The more he retaliated, the more his father seemed to take issue with him. But he was no longer a boy afraid of the world. He had seen its underbelly and bathed in the blood that run through out it.

When Childe was 15, in a fit of delight, he had killed his Father with his bare hands. The old man was drunk, and only when he stumbled back did Childe realized how weak he'd been all that time.

You watched him, then, as Childe killed his own father so ruthlessly. You flinched, and closed your eyes. But you did not yell for him to stop. That night, he kissed the crown of your forehead and told you to rest

He buried the body with his two hands. The blood that trickled into the snow had disappeared as a blizzard hailed the next day. His littlest siblings were too little to remember, and his sister did not ask any questions.

Things were different then. In a single night, Childe went from boy to man.

It was the following morning his vision appeared. Hydro. The Archon of justice approved him. It was the next week in which he had been hailed to join the Fatui Harbingers as the youngest of them - that the Tsaritza crowned him a jewel.

Thing were different. Childe had grown up to be a fine weapon, after all. In exchange for joining the Fatui, he was compensated well. He had bought you a home and land, and sent money to you every month for years. The work kept him busy, but he wrote to you. To his siblings. And he visited whenever he could.

There was never enough time, to do as he pleased. He had what he wanted. Power. But not what he wanted most. You.

When he was 21, there was a lull in his work. For the first time in almost 6 years, he could remain in Snezhnaya as nothing called for his attention. There he stayed with you, and his sibling all grown-up. And like the man of the house often does, he took care of everything.

Spoiled his sisters with clothes and shoes, his brothers with toys and books. You, his mother, with dresses and jewels so fine that you seemed shy even trying them on.

How beautiful you were, had always been in his eyes. What a fine young woman you must've been too. His father was so undeserving of you. To bear children with you, to make love to you when he could not give you a house with warmth.

(But Childe did it all so easily. How unforgiving he cannot take you as consolation. How beautiful you would look, swallowed in the silks he bought. In the perfume you'd smell best in.)

Childe did not interfere on the matters he wished too most. Because, despite himself, he had not wished for your ire nor to cause you suffering. His mother who he loved. Who he longed, the strength of his desire was bone chilling.

In Childe's mind, you had always been his. You were his long before you were his fathers. He had lived inside of you, so wasn't it only natural to regard you this way? Your flesh and blood. His home since the very start.

Staying with you now when he'd grown up into a man had done nothing to quell the lust. The first time Childe takes you, it's unceremonious. It's a decision he makes on the flip of a coin.

(All alone in an empty house, he walks into your bedroom. With an agenda and little in his mind other fulfilling it - you're asleep in your night time attire. A sheer, loose little bodice that you can only wear given the heat - with a blanket thrown haphazardly over your waist.

Childe slips into bed with you, and like instinct you stir. You turn, your eyes fluttering open as you face him. Childe gives you a small smile as you rub the sleep out of your gaze - a soft, rounded way of speaking.

"Ajax, starlight, what are you doing here?" You offer, your hand reaching for his face in the dark. He grasps it in his, nudging his palm into his cheek

"I'm very stressed," He hums, warmly, coming closer towards you all the same. And you welcome him, despite the fact he is too old for any of this. He hugs you close, too close, and you let him. You rub his back fondly "I missed you very much."

"Such a big boy you've grown into and look at you, coming to sleep in mommy's bed." You tease, so lightly it doesn't sting "That's alright. You're always welcome. You grew up right before my eyes. Is there anything I can do?"

And Ajax laughs. Assured, that you will still love him because you are incapable of leaving even when you should

"Yes," He says, moving his hands too low for comfort "A few things...?"

"...Ajax?" )

The first time Ajax takes you, he wonders why he hadn't done so sooner. Like the kind, soft mother you are - best you could respond with is crying. It was the first time he had been the source of your tears, did he realized you'd always been like this.

How could you be such a cry baby? What a darling quality.

Your body was sensitive to the touch. Ajax kissed you like you were lovers and you only barely bat him away. You weren't strong enough to do much more, and eventually you gave in completely.

Kissing you had felt so right. It had all been perfect. You were always a woman. More than his mother, you were nothing but a delicate woman. One who longed for touch and affection. He can't imagine his father gave you enough.

So he did. He kissed down your throat lightly, pinned your wrists and made you helpless. He nudged his nose against your pulse and pinned you with the brunt of his strength, made you feel the hard twitch of his cock. Feel his burning, sick desire for you. You deserved that much.

He makes a show of it, just for you. Eventually you stop squirming, relenting instead. And you mewled, so noisily when he toyed with your body. He liked learning about your body. It made him feel close to you in a way he'd always longed for.

Your nipples were so sensitive to the touch, but especially to being licked and sucked and bitten at. You liked delicate touches on your hips and waist. But you liked your cunt to be touched more relentlessly. You're wettest when his fingers are toying with your clit, a needy little thing. Hard under the callous pads of his fingers.

You're cute when he's a little rough with you. Even now. His palm smacked hard against the most sensitive and achy parts of your body and you liked it.

You wept when he finally fucked you. He went raw and you whimpered his name like a plea, Ajax. Archons, how could anyone ever compare? Hot and wet inside, soft and womanly with the stretchmarks of childbirth. He wanted nothing more to fill you with his seed over and over again and again. To touch your womb again like a welcome.

He'd never known how much he longed for domesticity. His father was a foolish, foolish man. How could anyone mistreat you? Husbandry with you is so sweet.

The first time Childe takes you, your relationship changes forever.

But you, his kind mother who loves him with so much affection, don't turn away from your son. And he's relieved and delighted to be able to have you. Even though, sometimes you look at him so sadly, you hardly push away.

("It's my fault," You sob, as Ajax bends you over the edge of the kitchen counter. He kisses your bare shoulder, cock sheathed inside of your warm cunt. He breathes a sigh of relief "It's all my fault."

"Don't blame yourself, mama," He coos, a hand around your waist as your pussy clenches down hard on his cock "Nothing could have changed me being born your son.")

Childe learned you blamed yourself for his desires. And he thinks in many ways, that's so like you. His beloved mother, his mama who cries and cries and cries. You blame yourself for everything because you are weak.

But Childe loves your weakness. He loves that you are so tender that all pressure makes you fall apart. Because you are like that, he doesn't let you go too far. Who knows what you'll do when he's away from home? What things you'll get yourself tangled in when he's gone? The leash is tight, but you are comfortable and safe.

And you can go out as long as you bring guards and come home by a certain time. You listen when Childe tells you these things before he returns to his duties, even fixing up his coat.

When Childe is forced to leave again to attend to his work, leaving you behind is the hardest of all. But he does so with high hopes, and he kisses you goodbye in the inappropriate way he loves when no one is looking.

(When he leaves, he finds about your affair as soon as it happens. There is always someone watching. At the time, he takes his anger out on whatever target has been assigned to him.

And it quells the violence in him long enough to plan. Ajax doesn't blame you. His mother who he loves, who must've been lonely. Your adultery reads to him like a cry for attention.

Your punishment will be light.

But any man who lays hands on you that isn't him must be punished violently. Childe thinks of how he'll scatters the body in the oceans breaching Snezhnaya. Or how he might feed them to the creatures kept in Dottore's lab.

He sits on the anger for a year until he's officially around to come back to his hometown.)

When Ajax returns, he doesn't hesitate upon arrival. He is 24 and stronger than he'd ever been. Before he even walked through the threshold of his home, he detoured to the house off the end of the street and killed the man who's defiled you in his absence.

He came home to you with the blood still splattered on his pale cheek. He told the children to go with his guards so he could talk to you about "grown-up" things and went without thinking twice.

And then he is home. Childe is Ajax, and he came home to you, his mother. And Childe would never pride himself on raising a hand against you, but even you must learn your lessons.

(You look good bent over his lap. This is the first thing that crosses his mind as he takes you over the knee - on the side of the bed.

You're wearing a dress with tight stockings, like you're trying to look nice for someone. And the idea is so rage inducing, he almost forgets to control the strength in his hands.

He pulls the skirt past the curve of your ass and lets it bunch around your waist. Your hands tied over your back, Ajax lets his fingers tease against the seem of your stockings. White, lace panties like you're a young girl underneath the thick, sheer fabric of nylon.

He sucks some air inbetween his teeth.

"Were you lonely while I was gone, mama?" He says, voice soft but curt "Is that why you were wasting your time on other worthless Snezhnayan men?" '

"Ajax," You beg, sobbing while you squirm "Please."

"Shhh. Don't cry too much, okay? I already got rid of him and took care of it."

You weep out a no, and Childe lets his hand come down on the fat off your ass. A harsh smack echoes against the room and you quiet almost immediately. For someone who shies away from his discipline, you sure take it well.

"You should take care of your family, you know? And that means not bringing around strange men, okay? You already have me to take care of your needs."

"That's wrong, Ajax—"

"Who can tell you what's right and wrong? I'm a very powerful man now, Ma. And I'm strong too, so you shouldn't worry about it," He rips the seam of your stockings as he tugs the fabric to the side - revealing your cunt. Unshaved and wet, Ajax lets out a pleased sigh as he draws his fingers through your folds, teasing your clit gently "I'll always be your starlight, though."

"Ajax." You whisper, hoarse and ashamed and so sweet for him "Please."

"Did you miss me, Mama?"

And your voice softens, even as Ajax eases himself into you with his fingers. Violates you gently, letting you fuck against the resistance, pushing up along your walls until you're moaning involuntarily. Even as he touches you in the way you love to detest, he can hear it in your tone. That you can't bring yourself to resent him for it all.

He rubs your gspot with careful precision. A well-practiced act of love and devotion, like a man to his wife that he doesn't often get to feel. You bury your head, stifling a moan when you speak.

"I always miss you, Ajax."

And it's enough to make him lose all control)

The blizzards in Snezhnaya are ceaseless.

And Ajax is 26, and this time of year never changes. It's like a reminder that somethings never do. Like his love and devotion, wiping the slate clean each time he sins.

Ajax comes through the door with flowers this year. He does every year on the day his father passes, but the flowers don't go on a grave. It'd be pointless to do that in that old backyard.

Instead, he wipes his shoe's on the mat and places them in the vase that you've kept out for him. He sees you in the kitchen and peers over your shoulder as you make something with your hands. He kisses your shoulder, innocent.

"I'm home, Mama."

"Welcome home, Ajax. Go wash up before dinner."

Some things are so unchanging, like how he will always be your son. Just like winters in Snezhnaya will always be cold and he will always come home to your warmth.

And you will always, always let him.

#dark content cw #noncon cw #incest cw #abuse cw #i think thats all #childe x reader #childe smut #do i even want to put this in the tagsdjsdkj #writing tag #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact smut

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